UPLB Defective Tomo 43 Issue 8

[d] T I VOE F ETC B DOE UPL W A O OO H S U E8 T D ON # IS

Maxine Hindina Takes the Crown | alternative facts

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ALTERNATIVE FACTS

UPLB DEFECTIVE [d] MARSO 08, 2017

UPLB FebFair cancelled, funding transferred to MAIS February Fair is declared to be canceled for this academic year, according to a memorandum written by Chancellor Ferdinand Santiago on February 12.

Chancellor Santiago announced that all the funds for the annual tradition has been transferred to the eYUPI Project. It was confirmed that the allotted P751, 900, 000 fund for the project was deemed insufficient for the enhancement of the features of MAIS (Massive Academic Information System).

“I believe that we must all make sacrifices for the sake of long-term achievements,” said the Chancellor on an exclusive interview.

“Students may become disappointed with this temporary shutdown of the annual tradition but at least this may lead them to focus on more important matters such as their own academics and graduating on time.”

According to the board, plans of canceling this year’s February Fair had long been in the making but have been kept clandestine so as to avoid potential outrages and fuelling more dissent from the student body. “If the students knew about these plans then there will surely be another mobilization,” Chancellor Santiago exclaimed. “What do these 20-year-olds know about handling a university system?

They should just listen to the higher ups.

Alam namin kung ano ang tama,” asserted the Chancellor.

MAIS Journal The MAIS Team is said to be in the works in integrating a new feature to the wellreceived system. “Since the students loved the implementation of the MAIS Planner, we decided to add another feature that would tremendously help them. It’s called the MAIS Journal,” declared Dr. Mirinda Catanduanez, the University Registrar. Dr. Catanduanez confirmed that all Feb Fair funds will go to this project.

MAIS Journal is supposed to motivate the students with their studies and other life pursuits by providing them a venue to engage in personal reflection about their dreams and aspirations in life. It also serves as a writing ground for venting all their frustrations. It is said to encourage them to sort out their priorities and focus on their studies.

“We will now require the students to login to their MAIS accounts everyday so they could properly utilize this new feature. This would not only help them with their college life, but it will also help them to become more disciplined as students and educated

individuals. Failure to write at least one journal entry per day would result to a P10 fine,” added Dr. Catanduanez The MAIS Journal will be available in 2019.

Compensation for Feb Fair To compensate for the cancellation of Feb Fair, the administration decided to hold a celebratory event to commemorate the successful commemoration of the previous term of outcoming UP President Alfonso E. Pacita. The event will be held on the supposed days of Feb Fair at the Freedom Park.

Dubbed by the organizers as a “protest fair against anti-student policies,” the event will entail 5-minute-long fireworks display and free lunch said to be enough for 10,000 UPLB constituents. The program will include live performances from all organizations in UPLB. All organizations are required to perform in the stage to retain or regain their tambayans according to the Chancellor.

Students are required to first settle their outstanding balances to the cashier’s office before they could attend the event.

UPLB DEFECTIVE [d] MARSO 08, 2017

CHISMIS

UPLB pays tribute to PAEP On January 24, Tuesday, a mass of UPLB (Unibersidad ng Pila at Laging Brownout) students assembled in front of DL Umali for the tribute program for UP President Alfonso E. Pacita (PAEP). The said event is organized by UPLB to recognize the impeccable and ever efficient service of PAEP to the UP (Unibersidad ng Pila) system.

During his opening address, UPLB Chancellor Santiago delivered, “Pres. Pacita has always been a competent UP alumnus. He is an epitome not only as ‘Iskolar ng Bayan, Para sa Bayan’ but a great leader who is truly idolized

by UP students especially in UPLB. During Pacita’s term as UP President, he has brought the institution to even greater heights. He has ensured that national students can enroll in UP and get their degree in UP. Thank you for your

vision for UP. You are always welcome here in UPLB.” This made the atmosphere stirring as respected officials, faculty and staff expressed remorse in letting PAEP go.

The Tribute ended with a teary-eyed PAEP as he thanked his constituents and Oracle for their unfaltering support for the UP Strategic Plan 2011-2017. “We, in UP, will always soar to greatness. We will always be a one UP. Thank you UPLB. It takes a lot of hard work to be a UP President. We wish the next UP President all the success in his term,” said PAEP. PAEP replaces OBLE? Students outside the DL Umali cheered for PAEP, holding placards that displayed “WE LOVE YOU PAEP”, “SALAMAT SA IYONG WALANG PALING NA SERBISYO”, “#PAEPstay”,

“PAEPanginoon”, “PAEP OUR HERO”. An afterparty headed by the UPLB University Student Council showcased an hour video presentation for PAEP, recalling all his contributions from his childhood to his stint as UP President.

UPLB USC Councilor Jomari Absalud shared in an interview, “Walang katumbas si PAEP sa lahat ng naging president ng UP system.

Ang eYUPI project, ang MAIS ay sadyang nakatulong sa aming mga estudyante, pinadali nito ang aming transaksyon mula sa enrollment hanggang sa pagse-settle ng fees.”

After the party, students gathered at the Humanities Building to witness the ceremony for PAEP’s replacement of Oble as the new UP token statue, an event sponsored by the SKPKP (Samahan ng mga Kabataan Para Kay PAEP).

Math building na nasunog, tatayuan na ng Jollibee

na konstruksiyon sa dating kinatatayuan nito.

Gayumpaman, walang kasiguraduhan na ipapatayo ulit ng administrasyon ang Math Building.

Enero 30, 2017 (Lunes) ng madaling araw nang mapansing may makapal na usok na nanggagaling sa Math Building (MB) ng Unibersidad ng Pila at Laging Brownout (UPLB). Nang makarating ang mga awtoridad para imbestigahan kung ano ang pinagmumulan ng usok, ang MB ay nilamon na ng apoy.

Walang nakasisiguro kung ano ang naging sanhi ng apoy, o kung aksidente lang ba ito o hindi.

Maliban sa mga kagamitan na napapaloob sa mga silid-aralan ng MB, ay wala namang napahamak sa insidente.

LB namaalam na sa MB Isang estudyanteng nagngangalang Patty Burgos na napadaan sa tapat ng MB habang nagjo-jogging ang nagsasabing may nakita siyang isang “malaking pulang bubuyog” na dali-daling pumasok at lumabas ng MB noong umaga ding iyon.

“Hindi ko na po masyadong pinansin,” wika ni Patty Burgos sa isang interview. “Akala ko po kasi may birthday party lang or something.”

Nang tanungin ang College of Hearts and Sciences College Secretary na si Dr. Yvonne Mario Dukha tungkol sa pangyayari, nasabi niyang, “Hindi naman siguro unexpected iyan ano? I have been saying for years na yung mga countless scratch papers and failed Math exams na nakakalat sa MB ay isang napakalaking fire hazard. Siguro it was just time for the Math Building to come down.”

Imbestigahan man ng University Pulis Force (UPF) at ng lokal na pamahalaan ng Elbi, wala silang makuhang sapat na ebidensya na makakapagsabi kung ano o sino nga ba talaga ang nagdulot ng apoy. Santambak na lang ng abo ang natitira ngayon sa dating MB. Sa laki ng mga apoy, buti na lang daw at walang nasaktan.

Halos kalahating buwan na nang mangyari ang pagkasunog ng MB at ngayon ay may nagaganap

Jollibee in-campus Ayon naman kay Elbi Chancellor Ferdinand Santiago, “I think it is high time we focus our resources on more profit-generating establishments. We have to think about the future of our university.”

Nang tanungin kung anong gagawin para matugunan ang mga klase na itinuturo sa MB tulad na lang ng mga higher Math subjects ay walang nabigay na sagot si Chancy Santiago. “Let us not focus on the past and see this as an opportunity.

Let us use this experience to rise from the ashes, as they say.”

“The construction going on right now will give way to a wonderful addition to our campus,” wika ni Chancy Santiago. Kung ano man ang “wonderful addition” na ito ay hindi niya pinapaalam.

Hindi man sinasabi ni Chancy kung ano ang nagaganap ngayon sa konstruksyon, unti-unting nagiging malinaw na ang bagong pinapatayo na gusali ay isang fast-food restaurant na kilala sa pangalang Jollibee.

Ang dating kinatatakutan ng mga estudyante na Math Building, lalo na kapag gabi, ay ngayo’y inaabangan ng nakararami bilang Jollibee.

“Dalawang linggo pa lang ang lumilipas pero kita mo na na Jollibee na siya!” Tugon ni Patty Burgos, “Kahapon ay kakakabit pa lang nila nung name niya na Jollibee, ngayon naman makikita mo na may counter and tables na siya sa loob.

“Hindi tulad ng ginagawa dati na ‘New Math Building’ na freshie pa lang ako nang simulan iyan.

Ngayon graduating na ako hindi pa rin tapos.”

Dagdag pa ni Burgos, “Blessing in disguise na rin siguro na Jollibee na siya ngayon.”

Sa mabilis na pagpapatayo ng bagong Jollibee sa loob ng campus ay inaasahang magbubukas ito sa publiko sa Valentine’s Day, Feb. 14, 2017 – kasabay ng kung anong dapat na magiging unang araw ng FebFair 2017.

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ALTERNATIVE FACTS

UPLB DEFECTIVE [d] MARSO 08, 2017

Miss Unive Miss Phil Maxine Hindina T Manila, Philippines – PH’s Maxine Hindina was crowned as the new Miss Universe last January 30, 2017 at the Mall of Asia Arena. Hindina beat other 12 finalists to take the title, making her the fourth Filipina to take the crown after Glory Diaz, Margie Tinamoran, and Fia Wurtzback.

Maxine Hindina, a 26-year old interior designer, was filled with pride and joy as Miss Universe 2015 Pia Wurtzbach handed her the crown. Hindina hopes to be an advocate for hope and education among the HIV youth patients.

The Biggest Change In the most awaited Q&A portion of the pageant, host Steve Havey asked Maxine the question, "What is the most significant change you've seen in the world in the last 10 years?". She then replied with an answer that wowed the entire crowd, "In the last 10 years of being here in the world, is that I saw all the people bringing in one event like this, Miss Universe. And it's something big to us that we are one, as one nation we are all together."

According to Hindina, the greatest change she has seen is the Miss Universe being held at the Philippines, for it united different people across the world in one place.

Maxine Hindina ‘very remarkable’ One of the judges, Miss Universe 1994 Sushmita Sen, said that Maxine Hindina performed very well in the pageant. “Her presence was just remarkable starting from the beginning of the competition, her answer really bought us into crowning her the winner”.

Despite the numero the panel’s decision, th that Maxine deserved Boardman defended Ma why a lot of people are her answer, I mean she with pure eloquence. Wh It is a pageant; the cand be political”. Mr. Boardm submitted the “President was later drawn by Miss K Leila Lopes, judge an 2011, also supported Max Miss Universe is a signi everyone in the world. achieved a lot for being t The Philippines is amazi wrong with it”, Lopes said Netizens said that Hin away’ because of her an using an interpreter. One LeFrak, said that ‘there w using English instead of only proved that Maxine it is an important asset if Universe. It’s hard to com if you speak Filipino!”

Imelda’s Terno Maxine Hindina also sp she mistakenly claimed tha Marcos invented the tern competition last January 2

UPLB DEFECTIVE [d] MARSO 08, 2017

erse 2017: lippines Takes the Crown

ous criticisms towards the judges remain firm the title. Judge Mickey axine saying, “I don’t get expressing hate towards responded the question hat more can you ask for? didate’s answer shouldn’t man was the judge who t Trump” question, which Kenya. nd former Miss Universe xine. “I agree with Maxine, ificant event that affects . I think the Philippines the host country this year. ing! I can’t see anything d. ndina ‘let the crown slip nswer and her neglect of e of the judges, Francine was nothing wrong with f her mother tongue’. “It e can speak English well, you are going to be Miss mmunicate with the world

terno was actually invented by our former first lady, Imelda Marcos. She invented these butterfly sleeves and they use these covering their face," Hindina said.

According to the book "Fashionable Filipinas: An Evolution of the Philippine National Dress in Photographs, 1860-1960" by Vino Gonzales and Mark Lewis Higs, the use of terno dated way back during the late 1800s.

Maxine then responded to the numerous hate by saying “Jusko fashion lang naman yan, it’s not a big deal. I just attributed it to Ma’am Imelda since she is known for wearing butterfly sleeves and ternos.

Sobrang iconic niya back then. So sorry kung may na-offend man ako”.

Bringing honor to the country President Dutirty congratulated Maxine for winning the Miss Universe title. Dutirty said that he is proud of Maxine for ‘bringing honor to the country’. During a press conference, Presidential Communications Officer Martin Paandar expressed the Palace’s support to Maxine in her reign as Miss Universe. ‘Maxine exceeded our expectations. She showed the entire world what Filipinos are like – happy and united’.

“Instead of bashing her, let’s just be proud of her for winning. She brought joy to the competition, which represents our country right now. We are happy and we are one”, Andanar added. parked controversy when Maxine Hindina will move to New York next hat former first Lady Imelda month to kickstart her reign as Miss Universe. no during the preliminary 26 in Vigan, Ilocos Sur. "The

ALTERNATIVE FACTS

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UPLB DEFECTIVE [d] MARSO 08, 2017

IDIOTORYAL

IDIOTORYAL

A famous philosopher once said, “For every fact, there is an alternative fact.”

Truth is subjective. We all have different perceptions of reality. Reality can be interpreted in a multitude of ways. The way we, especially journalists, claim that there are singular, “objective” truths in every story is limiting to the people’s imagination and often propagates historical revisionism.

What about the “other side of the story?”

What about the versions of particular stories that people want to hear?

It is a fact that the term “fake news” was made up simply to silence the voice of the marginalized and the oppressed. It is a fact that we all should have the freedom to choose for ourselves which story is “more true”, because we all know these people from the media are PAID to spread lies.

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If we want a TRUE democracy, we should champion citizen journalism: a form of journalism where people could create ...we should their own news to champion citizen suit their own beliefs, biases, and emotions. journalism: a form After all, going against of journalism where people’s beliefs, biases, and emotions, people could create simply means you are their own news discriminating against to suit their own them. You are hurting their freedom to beliefs, biases, and express themselves. emotions.

If we want REAL and LASTING change, we must accept that disagreeing with others will only further divide our nation.

E F E C T I16V-E UPLB D 17 YAL B O R E D

onaire l Bondoc | Bobito D he Et | ao ui cq ID IO T O R Pa annielyn hie Mae Quinto | M es B | r te at m ar ul nchez In no partic ola Davis | Kusina Sa ay B | er nn Je e ly Ka Matcha Uson |

March Horoscope ARIES - Sumbong mo na kapitbahay mong drug adik.

TAURUS - It's your lucky day! I-follow up mo na yung letter for MRR sa OVCAA. GEMINI - Ikaw, it's not your lucky day. May pirma na papeles mo pero sa ibang school ka na magaaral.

CANCER - Ang lucky color mo ngayon ay dirty white. Di ka masa-spotan ng landlady mo.

LEO - Magpakabit ka na ng Internet, nakakaramdam na yung kapitbahay mo.

VIRGO - Kung may bidet na sa CAS CR, kaya mo rin mag-improve.

LIBRA - Wag kalimutan magdala ng payong.

Mababagsakan ka ng tickler.

SCORPIO - Walang sinabi ang Bibliya na nakakasama ang K-drama sa pag-aaral. Tuloy mo lang yan.

SAGITTARIUS - Mag-download ka ng Google Earth para alam mo saan di ka mahahanap ng adviser mo.

CAPRICORN - Hindi porket kaya mo magbayad ng tuition ay dapat lahat ay nagbabayad ng tuition. Isipin ang kalagayan ng iba.

AQUARIUS - Huwag maniwala sa fake science news. Walang katotohanan na papasa ka kahit 3rd take mo na.

PISCES - Step out of your comfort zone. Mag-try ka naman ng ibang emojis.

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UPLB DEFECTIVE [d] MARSO 08, 2017

BALITAKTAK

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Fucman reads ‘Bible’ in front of crowd; actually the Death Note “The human whose name is written in this note shall die,” says Senator Manny Fucquiao in a private event held last week in Laguna, in between teaching kids about the value of life and opposition to homosexuals. Promoted as a Bible Study for the Youth of Laguna, the event was attended by 500 grade school students from Catholic schools in San Pedro, Biñan, and Calamba.

In an exclusive interview, Fucquiao insists that what he read was the Bible and not a “fictional book from a cartoon show.”

The boxing athlete denies the existence of the Death Note, a powerful notebook that

is said to have the ability to take another person’s life by simply writing their name.

In the same interview, Fucquiao says that he should not be judged: “So what if hindi pala Bible yung binasa ko? Tao lang ako.

Bakit niyo ako hinuhusgahan? Only God can judge me.” In a recent Senate session, Fucquiao proposes that senators have the power to ultimately decide on criminal cases. “Ang capital punishment, kailangan maipasa na yan, at kailangan may say ang mga senators. Kasi kami ang binoto ng taumbayan.”

Senator Manny Fucquiao is one of the lawmakers pushing for the return of the

death penalty for heinous crimes, which includes drug cases. “Biblically-speaking, walang sense yung kumokontra sa death penalty kasi si God mismo marami siyang pinatay nung time ni Noah’s Ark ‘di ba? He did that to save the innocent, so we can be free from evil.” Sen. Fucquiao is a staunch supporter of President Rodrigo Dutirty and his war on drugs, which has resulted in thousands of extrajudicial killings.

Takeshi Obata, creator of Death Note, confirms that Fucquiao’s so-called “Bible quote” was indeed lifted from the Death Note.

Oro ‘dog’, nananatiling buhay Ibinunyag ni Direk Alvin Yafun, direktor ng ORO, na nananatiling buhay at nasa maayos na kalagayan ang asong pinatay nila umano sa isang eksena ng pelikulang ipinasok nila sa Metro Manila Film Festival noong nakaraang taon.

Matatandaan na nagsimulang pumutok ang isyu nang mag-apela ang Philippine Animal Welfare Socialites (PAWS) dahil sa domestikong pagpatay ng naturang hayop.

“Uso noon ang pagpatay. Actually hanggang ngayon pa rin naman. Kaya that time, sinadya talaga naming isingit yung scene na yun,” ayon kay Yafun.

Idinagdag niya na hindi sila talo sa naging

kita ng pelikula bunga ng lumabas na isyu.

Nagtagumpay pa nga raw sila dahil naging malaki ang epekto sa masa ng ginawa nilang pagpatay.

Ang ginawa nilang pagpapanggap ay isang eksperimento anila para tingnan kung mas magiging apektado ba ang mga Pilipino sa pagpatay sa hayop kaysa sa pagpatay sa kapwa tao.

“Surprise! At surprise din talaga sa amin ano dahil mas nag-trend pa yata yung isyu na ‘to kaysa sa EJK, I think.”

Inamin ng direktor na nakabalot sa telang mabalahibo ang aso habang ito’y sinusugatan at pinagsamang camera trick

at nadala rin ng husay sa video-editing ang eksenang tinanggal sa Oro. Kaugnay nito, pinadalhan na ng liham ng mga bumubuo ng pelikula ang MTRCV upang pakiusapang ipalabas muli sa mga sinehan ang uncut version nito.

“Another chance ito ng mga manonood natin para ma-double check talaga nila na it’s all about camera trick and video editing skills,” giit ng producer na si Shandii Vacolod Sa kabilang dako, hinihintay pa rin ang sagot ng mga animal welfare advocates tungkol sa nasabing plano ng kabilang kampo.

Dildo, 52

less than a mile away Only here for RESEARCH :) Landscape architect. Enjoys communicating with constituents :D My wife says that I look like Ian Veneracion. Proverbs 21:23

Likes monogamy, ShĹ?yu ramen, oral