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T E O SUR D I U G V

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EVERYTHINGYOU

NEEDTO KNOW

SEX • DRUGS SOCIAL LIFE ROOM MATES FRIENDS • REZ FITNESS • POT

CLASS • SCHOOL CAMPUS • CLUBS DATING • PARTIES GAY STUFF • FOOD STRESS • MIDTERMS GETTING INVOLVED

AND MORE!

Region of Waterloo

8 31

MBIA

COLU ST. W

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LYLE HALLMAN L INSTITUTE STUDENT LIFE

CENTRE ? OPEN 24 HRS.

VISITORS CENTRE

8 12

ROAD

DAVIS CENTRE

OPEN 24 HRS.

CAMPUS POLICE

RING

Show your watcard to ride! SWEENEY HALL

D OA GR RIN THEATRE OF THE ARTS

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Take Route 5 in Uptown Waterloo every 30 min. during the day and every 60 min. in the evenings on weekdays. (Route 35 to Eastbridge)

Going to Westvale, Erb or Lancaster?

Take Routes 8 or 12 on University Ave. or the iXpress and Routes 7 or 9 at the Davis Centre.

Connecting Beechwood West neighbourhood to UW. Monday to Friday every 30 min. 7:00 am to 6:30 pm. Board at stop 2515.

Route 29 Keats Way Travel between UW and Downtown Kitchener via Westmount Rd. or Weber St. every 15 min. during weekday rush hours.

Route 8 service

Travelling to WLU for a class is easy!

UNIVER

HUMANITIES THEATRE

The transit service you need is here for you:

Route 31 takes you to Conestoga Mall! Route 31 Lexington connects UW to Conestoga mall every 30 minutes between 7:00 am and 7:00 pm on weekdays

The iXpress is faster than ever!

24/7

TTY: 519-7796

www.grt.ca

519-585-7555

Buses leave Downtown Kitchener at 12:30 am, 1:00 am, 1:30 am, and 2:00 am on Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays - connects Downtown Kitchener, Uptown Waterloo, UW and Lakeshore neighbourhood.

“Late Night Loop” (Route 7D & 9) Take Route 13 at the Davis Centre. Buses leave every 15 min. during rush hours and 30 min. midday, evenings, and Saturdays. Sunday service too!

Going to Beechwood or Laurelwood?

iXpress runs between Conestoga Mall and Cambridge with 13 main stations. Buses run weekdays every 15 min. until 6:00 pm and every 30 min. until 11:00 pm. Saturday service runs 7:30 am to 7:30 pm every 15 min., and Sunday and statutory holidays from 10:00 am to 6:00 pm. Board at the iXpress station located at the Davis Centre.

Route 9 goes to Lakeshore

Take Route 9 at the Davis Centre. Buses leave every 15 min. during weekday rush hours and every 30 min. most other times Monday to Saturday. Sunday service too!

Need to travel along King Street?

Take Route 7 at bus stops on the Ring Road and get to Uptown Waterloo in about 12 min. or Downtown Kitchener in about 22 min. (take Route 7) Buses depart every 7-10 min. during rush hours.

Visit www.grt.ca for GRT’s online trip planner Call: 519-585-7555 or Text: 57555 & Key in your four digit stop number for next bus departures

Conestoga Mall

(transit terminal)

R & T Park

(Hagey Blvd. near Wes Graham Way)

McCormick

(Parkside Dr. & Cedarbrae Ave.)

(King St. near Waterloo Town Square)

Uptown Waterloo

U Waterloo

Waterloo

Laurier

(University Ave. & Hazel St.)

Grand River Hospital

(King St.)

Ottawa

(transit terminal)

Fairview

Charles Terminal

Kitchener

(Charles St. & Ottawa St.)

SmartCentres

(near Montana’s)

(transit terminal)

Cambridge Centre

Cambridge

Ainslie Terminal

Weekdays, Evenings & Weekends.

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Welcome to UW. You might be expecting a warm welcome from your scholastic peers, but I feel that a warning is in order: this bundle of newsprint in your hands is pretty much all you are going to get in terms of fanfare from upperclassmen. As a Frosh on campus you rank somewhere between gum on a shoe and one of the geese as an object of annoyance and distain. After a few weeks and some interactions with upper year students, you’ll be thankful you even got a newspaper issue dedicated to you. As the editor of this year’s Frosh issue it is my job to organize and impart all the wisdom available to you little ones. While you might think that I have oodles of advice to give, that isn’t entirely true. While I have learned a lot during my time here at university, both in and out of the classroom, I can’t promise that your experience here will be exactly like mine. There is a good chance your unique university experience will bear absolutely no resemblance to mine at all. It might sound like the ultimate cliche, but a big part of coming to university is finding out who you are on your own terms. So much is changing in your life right now. For many of you this is your first time living away from your parents’ house. While that might seem thrilling and exciting, that kind of freedom can become pretty overwhelming pretty fast. Your parents probably already know this. If you are wondering why your mom keeps calling to see if you’ve taken your vitamins, it is because she just wants to make sure you haven’t died of a drug overdose. For those of you in residence, those of you living off-campus, and those of you still with mom and dad, the temptations and tribulations of university are all very intense. Legalized drinking is suddenly a reality; serious relationships are suddenly a lot more serious; money is suddenly a lot more valuable; food is suddenly a lot more scarce; and for the first time in your entire educational life, your grades actually matter. I know you’ve heard it from every guidance counsellor, relative, and after-school-special, but the one thing you can’t forget while you are running around experiencing all of these ‘firsts’ is that your schoolwork and classes always need to remain a first priority. In my experience, that is the best advice I can give. There is, however, a whole issue’s worth of advice and tips to be found in these pages for you to take into account throughout your Frosh experience. Best of luck in your first year!

SPECIAL THANKS

STR

CON

TS EN NT CO

C ! N O I T U A C ION!

N! O I T AU

! N O I AUT

• TION U A C •

CAUT

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•

There are a bunch of great people that not only helped to make this year’s Frosh issue a possibility, but they helped to make it the super awesome rock-ibility you see before you. • Bolger and Laurie Tigert-Dumas know how N Cathy O I T U A C to get things done. Without them, there is no Imprint. Christy Ogley, Sonia Lee, Peter Trinh, Mark Zammit, Ange Gaetano, Sam Andrey, Allan Babor, Jason Strachan, Lauren Bird and even more people, thank you for managing to fill my pages and my heart at the same time. I mean that in the most sexually harassing way possible. Maggie Clark, Ashley Csanady and Michael Davenport, thank you for your amazing guidance and for sharing your knowledge with me. And most of all, thank you for reading!

Enjoy our authentic Greek homemade food, desserts and pastries along with a cup of our specialty coffees at our in-house cafe. Visit our website for a complete Take-out & Catering menu

www.melitsas.com

725 Belmont Avenue West Kitchener

519-745-2121

WHERE THE HELL AM I?

A little help finding your way around your new home

etting from point A to point B sounds like a simple enough task. That is, until you are stranded in a place you are unfamiliar with, living with people you don’t know, at the same time as you are coping with a full course load and a highschool romance tetering on the brink of collapse. You might have come to campus thinking it was small enough that it didn’t require a map, but now that you’re here, things look a lot different. Finding your way around campus and the surrounding area will get easier over time, but for now, here is a general overview of where you are and where you are going. Coming from the residences, you will most likely be walking to Ring Road before you head anywhere. aptly named, Ring Road is a giant circular road that takes you around campus. At its most southern point it opens up to University Avenue and at its most northern point it opens up to Columbia Street. The residences and colleges (St Jeromes, Renison, St Paul’s and Conrad Grebel), along with Health Services and Fed Hall, can all be found west of the SLC on the opposite side of Ring Road and Laurel Creek. At the southern end of campus, inside the road, you can find South Campus Hall, home of the book store and a few other shops, as well as the co-op building, Hagey Hall, Arts Lecture Hall and the Grad House, with Engineering 1 right behind SCH. On the south-west corner of ring Road you’ll find PAS; Modern Languages; Environment 1 and 2; and Needles Hall, home of the OSAP office, counselling services (your first stop after dealing with OSAP) and President David Johnston’s office. Going to the east side of Ring Road you’ll find CPH, Engineering 2 and 3, RCH, and DWE — a place on campus without much value to those who aren’t engineers. Across Ring Road and the railroad tracks you’ll find ECH, the fine arts building, and a multitude

Maybe you should just let us drive.

of overpriced shops and restaurants in the plaza. If you are looking for peace and solitude away from school, the plaza isn’t the place you are going to find it — it is crawling with students. Heading to the north east corner of Ring Road you’ll find the Davis Centre Library, along with the more frequented campus bus stop. Further north is the General Services Complex, the Central Services Building and the parking and police authorities headquarters, nothing really of any use to you. The newer buildings at the north end of campus at Columbia are BMH and LHI, and PAC and the SLC (on the north-west side) are easily accessible through the paths between buildings. In the centre of all this is the Dana Porter Library, also known as the Sugar Cube. DP is surrounded by the Biology buildings, the Chemistry buildings, EIT, and MC. The Arts Quad is the large paved area between the Dana Porter Library and Arts Lecture Hall, although Arts classes also take place in the colleges, while the Engineering area is delegated to the southeast portion of campus. Science and Math are also primarily on the eastern half of the campus. While a few bits of this imagined tour will stick in your mind immediately, the majority of the building names mean nothing to you right off the bat. Campuses are large building complexes, and there is no easy way to memorize and learn your way around overnight — that skill comes with years of droning experience walking the same paths to and from class. Just wait, though, it will only be a matter of time before you will be rattling off the names of all the buildings you’ve had classes in around campus, not thinking twice before making your way through all the central pathways, and giving directions of your own to campus visitors. There is no cause to worry about getting lost on campus, it is almost expected you do before you learn your way around. Until then, remember, Columbia is north and University is south.

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If you ever need to get around anywhere but don’t have a car and don’t want to spend money on taxis all the time, you’re going to need to use Grand River Transit, Waterloo’s bus system. Let me say this up front: Waterloo’s bus system isn’t bad. If you’ve been spoiled by Toronto’s awesome transit system, then it’ll seem lame by comparison. But for people like me who are from middle-of-nowhere, Ontario, the buses are like a godsend. If you’re an undergraduate student reading this, congratulations! You’ve already paid for bus service on the GRT. Just flash your WatCard and you’re on. Being from a small town, I hadn’t ever ridden a city bus before. So if you, like me, had never seen one of these things, I’d like to give you a rundown of everything you need to know. The first mistake I made when I came to Waterloo was that I got on the wrong bus. I figured out which bus stop I needed to be at, showed up, and got on the first bus that arrived. But buses have these things called “route numbers,” and different routes frequent the same bus stops. So instead of ending up downtown on Weber St (#8), I ended up heading

the futon shop

(8" futon & frame)

Sundays in September: 10:20 UW SLC Parking Lot 10:30 WLU Aird Underpass 10:45 Church

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toward the Conestoga Mall (#12). Know which route number you need and where you’re going. In the SLC there’s a big, full colour map of all bus routes that is very helpful for planning your trip. The schedule and map for any given route is also available in the SLC, across from the CIBC ATM. If you do get on the wrong bus like my dumb ass did, press the red buttons or pull on the yellow line, and the bus will let you off at the next stop. (Growing up with old Looney Tunes cartoons, I was afraid to touch those things. Don’t worry, the bus will not screech to a halt, and the driver will not yell at you.) Alright. If you’re not from a small town like me, and you are from Toronto instead, you’re going to be disappointed. Transit around here pretty much wraps up at midnight. Some routes stop at six a.m. and some routes don’t run on Sunday at all. There’s no subway and there’s no “blue night network.” I don’t know what to tell you, except that this city is nowhere as large at Toronto. Nothing is more than an hour or two’s walk. Also, our bus drivers are nicer. — Michael L. Davenport Interested in writing? Send an email to editor@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

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he bus is a strange beast. You may not like the bus, but chances are that, as poor undergraduate student, you will be taking the bus at least once in your time here. If you are like the majority of students, chances are you will rely heavily on Waterloo Region’s public transit system. While you may not be able to tame the beast, the best you can hope for is to be able to peacefully co-exist with it, and learn to use it to your benefit as often as possible. U-PASS

As an undergrad you have a magical tool in your wallet. This is your Watcard. While you might be whipping it out at first primarily for your meal plan, to take out library books, or to memorize your student number, your Watcard also serves as your Grand River Transit (GRT) U-Pass, a bus pass that gives you unlimited access to the bus system in Waterloo, Kitchener and Cambridge. While this system is present in many other schools in Ontario and elsewhere, and might be taken for granted by newer students, the U-Pass is actually a fairly new arrival to UW. The bus pass was first implemented in 2007 after years of debating and planning between the university administration, student government representatives, and the people over at GRT, the main lasting point of contention among students is the inability to opt out of the UPass fee if you a car using student or someone who does not take the bus regularly enough to warrant paying for a bus pass through their student fees. Although not everyone is happy with the situation, the vast majority of students utilize their U-Pass frequently enough that it pays for itself.

THE ROUTES THAT MATTER

If you are using the bus to leave campus, finding a stop is easy enough. The portion of ring road on the west and north sides of campus has stops for the 7D, one of the mainline 7 bus routes that will get you most places you want to go in Uptown Waterloo and downtown Kitchener via University Avenue. Outside of the Davis Centre on the east side of campus there are stops for the iXpress, the 7E, and the 9 routes. The 7E is another variation of the 7 mainline route that goes through Uptown and downtown, and takes you to and from campus via Columbia Street. The 9 is mostly useful for getting to and from the residential areas between campus and Conestoga Mall. The iXpress may be the most useful bus route in Kitchener-Waterloo. At peak hours the bus comes at 15 minute intervals, and makes minimal stops. For example, if you need to go to the mall to pick up a few things for your dorm room, you are only three stops away. If you are meeting a friend at Laurier, they are only one

stop away. If you are going for drinks in Uptown, only two stops away. If you are taking the Greyhound home to visit your family, the bus terminal is only four stops away. The iXpress is essentially the GRT’s answer to a subway: One set route, frequent busses, and stops in the most important spaces in the cities. While there are a multitude of other bus routes, chances are these are the ones you will be using most frequently during your first year. BUS ETIQUETTE

While it might seem like a no brainer to most people who are familiar with public transit, it is important to remember that you are sharing a space with other people, and that when everyone is courteous to each other, things go quite a bit more smoothly. First off, have your Watcard ready and in your hand before stepping on the bus. Standing at the door and asking endless questions about the route is also a no-no. You are expected to familiarize yourself with the bus routes available ahead of time. There are detailed pamphlets for each route at the Charles Street Terminal and near Turnkey in the SLC. It is common chivalry to give your seat up for ladies, but you should also remember that the elderly may have a hard time standing for long periods, and may need the seat more than you. One final note: nobody else needs to hear your music. Especially if it is really lame music. Keep that in mind. For more information on schedules, check GRT.ca. Now you are ready to ride the bus!

THEY’RE CALLED BIKE LANES And other useful tips for first year bicycle enthusiasts

o you’re here at university. You’ve probably realized that the transit options leave a lot to be desired, and walking isn’t always the best option in terms of time or when it comes to travelling long distances. This is when your bicycle becomes your best friend. As a university town Waterloo is pretty well equipped for twowheelers like yourself — campus is stocked with more than enough bike racks for the cyclist student population here, and most of the major streets have bike lanes. When you are planning your journey, it might be beneficial to take bike lane streets into account. Around campus, bike lanes can be found on University Avenue, parts of Columbia Street, Westmount, and parts of King Street. It is important to remember that the rest of the time that bike lanes aren’t present, you are legally obliged to bike on the street as a vehicle. If you choose to break the law and ride your bike on the sidewalk, don’t be surprised if you get clotheslined while zipping down University — whether it be by a disgruntled pedestrian not impressed by your antics, or a real cyclist not impressed at you giving everyone else a bad name.

Never, ever, under any circumstances, ride against traffic, either on the sidewalk or on the road. This is a great way to get into a head-on collision, and you won’t get much sympathy for your stupidity. When you’re doing tricky manoeuvres like left turns, be sure to do your hand signals. LEFT TURN

Using your left hand, hold it straight out to alert motorists and others on the road that you are making a left turn. RIGHT TURN

Using you left hand, bend your arm at the elbow and hold it straight up to let everyone else on the road know that you are doing a right turn. STOPPING

Using your left hand, bend your arm at the elbow and hold it straight down to let anyone looking know that you are coming to a stop. You should try your best to stay to the right side of the lane or road so that motorists can pass you. If you’ve moving at the same speed as traffic, however, you can ride in the centre of the lane. This also applies on roads like King Street in Uptown, where the right side of the

road is crowded with parked cars and the road itself is too narrow to ride comfortably between the parked cars and the moving vehicles on the street. When you are in a left turn only lane, it is okay to move from the side of the road to the painted white line that leads to the right side of the road once you have made your turn. A lot of cyclists tend to think of the road as “us versus them” with the cars on the road, but even if you don’t feel like you are getting the respect you deserve from the motorists, you have to be sure to show courtesy and poise while sharing the road with them, unless you would prefer to perpetuate the myth of the asshole cyclist on everyone’s behalf. Just as long as you don’t break any rules, you should be fine on the road — remember that staying visible and letting your body language speak (something as simple as looking over your shoulder) can be an effective tool in communicating with others. These are the most basic rules you will need to know to negotiate the road with motorists and other cyclists, but remember first and foremost that respect and consideration are the top rules of the road, and if you give it, you’ll get it.

SLC (ess-elle-see)

GLOW (gllowuh)

The Student Life Centre. Almost the literal centre of campus, it is also home to a variety of businesses and offices, namely the Feds office and the Imprint office, the latter being the home of the coolest people on campus.

GLOW: The Queer and Questioning Community Centre. Although the letters in GLOW once stood for something, now it is simply GLOW for the sake of GLOW. This is the service for the queer, curious and friendly on campus and in the community.

DC (dee-see) The Davis Centre. A building painted in some eyeoffending colour combinations, new students may enjoy the new automatic doors with no memory of the metric tonne pull doors before them.

MC (emm-see) The Mathematics and Computers building. For once, Brutalist architecture seems appropriate. The labs have a tendency to suck in students for entire days on end.

PAC (pack) Physical Activities Complex. The older gym on campus. Located beside the SLC, it is notorious for its broken equipment and strange smells. The pool is nice, though.

EIT (ee-eye-tee) Centre for Environmental and Information Technology building. Notable for its dinosaur decor. No joke: there are dinosaur bones hanging from the ceiling. That alone warrants a level of awesomeness.

CIF (see-eye-eff) Columbia Icefield. Located at the north end of campus, this gym is notable for its abundance of Lululemon pants. Home to nice new treadmills.

FEDS (fehdze) The Federation of Students. The student union that oversees clubs, services, Bomber, Feds Express, the used book store and more. The Feds office is located in the great hall of the SLC.

SCH (ess-see-ayche) South Campus Hall. The home of the book store, the Waterloo store, one of the slower serviced Tim Hortons, and the inexplicably named “Flamingo Room.”

ECH (ee-see-ayche) East Campus Hall. The fine arts refuge from the rest of campus. The hallways are coated with art work, but its distance from everything else makes it a chore to visit for any purpose.

AL CI

Or: How I learned to stop worrying and love the bus

TALES FROM THE GRT

All the name and building abbreviations around campus

WPIRG (doobayoo-puhrge) Waterloo Public Interest Research Group. An environmental service aimed at increasing sustainability on campus. Was inspired by a campus visit by confirmed hippie and failed politician Ralph Nader.

AHS (aye-ayche-ess) Applied Health Sciences. One of the six faculties on campus. Notable for being the smallest faculty with the longest name (the only one warranting an abbreviation). Its students can often be seen in track pants.

RCH (arre-see-ayche) JR Coutts Engineering Lecture Hall. A DUNGEON lecture hall on the south end of campus. A fire evacuation nightmare, it is notable for it’s seemingly endless set of staircases rumoured to descend right to hell itself. Injuries on these stairs are not uncommon in the slushy winter weather, so be careful.

MKV (emm-kay-vee) William Lyon Mackenzie King Village. Named in honour of one of Canada’s sexiest prime ministers, this residence is notable for its hard partying ways and clothing optional floor meetings. If you meet someone at a party who takes you home to their dorm room, this is where you are going.

PAS (puh-ass-uh) Psychology, Anthropology and Sociology building. Home of psych students, this building is notable for being completely impossible to navigate. rumoured to have been built this way to prevent cohesion in the event of a student uprising during the sixties. Possibly also a mousein-maze psychology experiment.

UWP (ewe-dobayoo-pee) University of Waterloo Place The “off-campus” residence across from the plaza. Avoidable at all costs — watching a residence imitate a real apartment building is like seeing dogs with a missing leg: strange, discomforting and mostly pitiful for the dogs living through it.

HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS Tips and tricks to overcome social awkwardness CATHERINE JOHNS-RUTA REPORTER

ut your pants back on. Running through campus stark naked is not the only way to make friends. Although you are sure to attract an interesting group, you can make a better impression with your gleaming personality than with your bouncing hind parts. Naked or not, here you are. Your freshman year at Waterloo. Maybe you’re scared. Maybe your roommate smells a little bit like sauerkraut. Maybe you vomit every time a leader tries to force you in to an awkward sing-a-long. Maybe you’re just a huge jerk. Either way the prospect of hunting for a social network seems daunting. You broke free of your highschool hell and catapulted yourself into the realm of higher learning and nightly chaos. This culture shock is enough to send your little first-year head back in to your little shell. I’ve got news for you. It’s time to stick your neck out. Your time at university will set the course for the rest of your life. It’s time to meet the right people, make the right decisions and build the right networks that will build the Waterloo experience that you’ve been dreaming about. Here’s how.

to Lord of the Rings roleplaying? Start your own club, soldier. It’s easier than it sounds. Before you know it you’re the founding President of the nerdiest club on campus and all the ladies want you. 2) Make it happen right now

Every group at Waterloo is bent on recruiting you. They want you. Badly. Take advantage of this. Clubs are the single best social network on campus. Shop around and enjoy the courtship, if for nothing else than the mountains of free food. Do your homework. Advance your cause every day by taking steps forward. Check out Clubs Day, show up at

1) Define “your Waterloo”

Make a conscious decision on day one to actively seek out everything you want from UW. Make a plan. Who do you want to be? Have you always wanted to try Dragon Boat racing? There’s a club for that. Are you a closet Lego Olympian? There’s a club for that. Dedicated

every meeting that may interest you, even the ones that don’t. They will surprise you. Check out Feds.ca for a complete list of clubs and services that are hungry for your participation — and I mean starving. Walk in to WPIRG and change someone’s life. Start a hockey team and call it “That’s what she said”. Share your passion with other students and be active in seeking your niche. I promise you, it’s here. 3) Be a leader

Be exactly who you are and you will find the right network. The world is full of people trying to be someone else. The only measure of importance is being better today than you were yesterday. Maybe today you spend less time getting tanked behind West 4 and more time planning your campaign speech for EngSoc President. Do everything you never had the courage to do before. You’ll be surprised what kind of people you meet. At Waterloo you will never be lonely in your quest for the upper echelon. Waterloo breeds the best, so take full advantage. High school wasn’t great? Join the club. Chances are, if you ended up at Waterloo its because you were smarter than the vast majority of your graduating class. If they didn’t like you, it’s because they were fundamentally less intelligent. It’s a mathematical certainty. You can wave at them as they roll in to classes at the high school down the street. This is the beginning of the best four years of your life thus far, so get ready. Start out the right way, choose your path and start walking. The right people will be walking in the same direction.

CAUTIONARY TALE So I went out on a date to a coffee place in Uptown. In retrospect, the choice of cafe was probably the worst it could have been for what was supposed to be a brief coffee date: this is a cafe renowned for its sloppy, slow service. He was insistent on this place for reasons I would later deduce. The guy himself was cute enough. He had enough gusto to approach me in the line at the grocery store, so in the spirit of UW, I figured, “why not?” and accepted the request. I arrived to find him already there and talking on his cell phone. He proceeded to talk on the phone, without even acknowledging my presence, for another five minutes. I was already a little ticked off by this when I realized that the buddy he was making plans with later was a girl named “Jessica.” Real classy. The date went downhill pretty quickly when he informed me that he was a philosophy major at Laurier, and that he didn’t care much for the idea of a career, because he could always cash in from his rich parents. While I had decided that I didn’t want to be there within the first ten minutes of the date, he somehow got the impression that I was head over heels into him, trying to play footsies with me under the table. Playing footsies, on a first date, before the coffee even got there. I hope this sounds as awful in print as it felt to experience. I wanted to die.

The more he talked the more I wanted to get up and leave, but the rules of polite society barred me from doing this, so I started to think up excuses as to why I would want to leave before our coffee even hit the table. The only problem was that, whenever I thought of something that might get me out of this awful date, he wouldn’t let me speak! I quite literally could not get a word in edge-wise with him — he was so focused on telling me how great he was that he would cut me off before I could form a full sentence. When he was done telling me about all the really cool expensive shit he had, he told me that he worked at the hotel right next door as the night attendant, where he got free room and board in exchange for his services. I don’t know if I happened to show some mild interest or what, because he took this opportunity to ask if I wanted to ditch out on the coffee and just head up to his room at the hotel for a “tour.” At this point, the rules of polite society went out the window and I excused myself, saying that I wasn’t expecting the coffee to take so long and that I had a class I was late for. Of course I was so put off by what he had said that this sounded like a bald faced lie. The worst part: I see him every single time I am in Uptown now. This was by and far the worst date of my life. — This author prefers to remain anonymous

Great places to make new friends Durring your Frosh Week activities!

so you’d better be on good terms with him!

There is a reason Frosh Week exists — and no, it isn’t to get drunk. You’re supposed to be making new friends and getting to know some of the people you will be spending the next four years with.

Through clubs and organizations!

On your residence floor!

Social networking!

The guy in the room next to you, or even your room mate, could be the person you wind up seeing the most out of anyone during your first year,

If you already know someone here, you are ahead of the game. Get to know their friends to expand your social circle.

Join a club to meet some cool new people who share similar interests with you. For a complete listing of clubs and services, see page 7.

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Aboriginal Students Association African Students Association Ahmadiyya Muslim Students’ Association Armenian Students Association Asian Christian Fellowship Asian F.O.C.U.S. Association of Caribbean Students Atheists, Agnostics, and Freethinkers of Waterloo Bangladeshi Students’ Association Campus Association of Baha’i Studies Campus Crusade for Cheese Campus For Christ Canadian Asian Students Association

SERVICES

& MORE In addition to clubs, there are a number of services run by Feds designed to better the student community through positive action. There are also several other organizations on campus that act to empower, represent and entertain students. GLOW

GLOW is a Feds service designed to represent, protect and empower the gay, lesbian, trans, queer and questioning members of the student population. Run on a volunteer basis, the GLOW office is located in the SLC. WOMEN’S CENTRE

The Women’s Centre is another Feds service designed to represent and empower women on campus. The Centre puts on the annual production of the Vagina Monologues. UWSP

The Sustainability project helps raise awareness for eco-projects and issues of resources on campus. CAMPUS RESPONSE

This service aims to aid those in need through first aid response for those on campus. CKMS/Sound FM

UW’s campus and community radio station aims to bring enlightened and interesting talk and music to the ears of its listeners on campus and in the community with its wide range of interesting programming. Imprint

Imprint offers campus journalism to the student body at large, covering events and issues around school, the community, Canada and beyond. The weekly publication’s office can be found in the lower level of the SLC.

R3Design Romanian Students’ Association Sai Baba Group Serbian Students’ Association SGI Waterloo Sikh Students’ Association Singaporean & Malaysian Students’ Association Smiling Over Sickness Students for Palestinian Rights Society for the Study of Modern Visual Culture Students for Life Taiwanese Students’ Association Thai Student Association The Water Hole UW 911 Research Club UW Advertising Agency UW Best Buddies Ukranian Students’ Klub University New Democrats UW A Cappella Club UW Breakers UW COMPASS Catholic Fellowship University of Waterloo Campus Conservative Association UW Dance Pak UW Dex UW DJ Club UWDrive UW Dragon Boat Club UW e-Sports Club UW Equestrian Club

UW Euchre Club UW Filipino Association UW Game Development Club UW Gamers Club UW Genocide Action Group UW Global Economic Alliance UW Go Club UW Hip Hop Club UW Indian Connection UW International Health Development Association UW LEGO Initiative UW Music UW Poker Club UW Poker Studies Club UW Pre-Law Club UW Pre-Med Club UW Pre-Dental Club UW Pre-Optometry Club UW Rotaract Club UW Rover Crew UW Students Offering Support UW Toastmasters UW Tutors UW Tzu Chi Buddhist Relief Organization UW Vegetarians UW Website Designers UW World Vision Club Vietnamese Students’ Association Waterloo Chinese Catholic Community Waterloo Christian Fellowship Waterloo Dimensions

AL CI

The Federation of Students has many clubs. Although every club on campus may not be listed here, these are the clubs slated to be running this fall. Take a look and see if there is anything you might like. Remember, joining clubs and volunteering for services and organizations is a great way to meet new people and make new friends on campus and in Waterloo.

CFC Youth for Christ Chess Club Chinese Christian Fellowship Chinese Debating Club Chinese Drama Club Chinese Students Association Club for Undergraduate Bioengineers Club That Really Likes Anime Christians on Campus Debate Society Duke of Edinburgh Award: Engineers Without Borders Falun Gong Club Fraternity & Sorority Awareness Foreign Affairs Society Hindu Students Association Healthy Active Promotion Network Iranian Students’ Association Islamic Information Center of the University of Waterloo Jewish Students’ Association Konnichiwa Japan Korean Christian Fellowship Latin American Student Association Muslim Students’ Association Navigators N.O.W Pakistani Students’ Association Photography Club Polish Students’ Association Quiz Bowl

CLUBS

Waterloo Ismaili Students Association Waterloo Science Fiction Club Waterloo Space Society Waterloo Tamil Students Association Waterloo University Bible Fellowship Waterloo Ergonomics and Human Factors Waterloo Investment Research Exchange Waterloo Students for the Information Commons More information on clubs can be found by visiting http://clubsandsocieties.feds.ca or by speaking to Vice President Internal Sarah Cook at the Feds offices in the Great Hall of the Student Life Centre.

KNOW YOUR LIMIT? Learning how to drink within it

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lright lightweight, time to learn a thing or two about drinking. If you are among the few gifted Frosh who are 19+, or if you aren’t, chances are you are going to be drinking this year. Whether you are at a party, having a casual drink by yourself, or going out to the bar, there are a multitude of things you need to know to keep yourself in good shape — and avoid an untimely death. If you’ve had a fair share of experience behind the bottle already you might have a good idea of how to pace yourself and when to call it a night, although you may not know exactly how to determine this. Getting drunk is different for just about everyone. Depending on your size, weight, diet and the shape your liver is in, it could take you one drink or ten drinks before you’ll pass out on the floor. The general rule is that your body’s liver can process one ounce of alcohol every hour and a half. So that means, for the average person, you can drink one beer, one glass of wine, or once mix drink every ninety minutes and not get drunk. From this fact you may have already deduced then that you get drunk by drinking more than one ounce of alcohol every ninety minutes. The alcohol your liver can’t process sticks around and gets absorbed into your bloodstream. Finding your magic balance is far from an exact science, but some things you can do to help yourself avoid face-on-floor syndrome are eating starchy foods before starting to drink (this will sop up the backlogged booze in your stomach and keep it out of your bloodstream) and asking a friend to let you know when you start to get a bit sloppy. If you notice yourself getting mildly sloppy, slurring speech or losing your balance, that is probably your cue to stop drinking for the night. Remember that you don’t lose your buzz once you remove the drink from your hand — your body is still working on processing all that booze you’ve already consumed, so you might actually get drunker after you’ve put down your drink and stopped for the night.

It’s not where you started, it’s where you’re going that matters.

If you are worried that you, a friend, or someone you know might have a problem with alcohol abuse, there are a few questions you should

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ask yourself — or see if any of these scenarios apply to you: Are your friends or family concerned about your drinking?

Remember that you don’t have the same perception of yourself that others have, so if they think you might have a problem, it could be something worth thinking about. You drink and drive.

For the (hopefully) vast majority of you, this sounds like the most retarded thing you could do, but if you are someone who thinks that having a few drinks and getting behind the wheel is okay because you aren’t completely sloshed — you need to reconsider your lifestyle. You drink before or during work or school.

If this is the case you should probably re-evaluate when and where the party stops in your life. Drinking casually in your own free time is one thing, but when you are at work you are being depended on and paid to perform to the best of your ability, and school is important too, so your complete focus should be on the task at hand — that means no drinking. This is also indicative of your inability to stop. You drink to help deal with loneliness, depression or stress.

While everyone has a few drinks to relax say, after midterms or a rough week at work, if you are finding that drinking is the only way for you to cope with stress or anxiety you are experiencing, you need to reel it back. Your drinking has gotten you into trouble with the law, school, residence or family.

When your drinking is starting to affect those around you, as well as having lasting negative reprecussions on your life, you could have a drinking problem. While some alcohol problem questionnaires will suggest that you have a problem if you drink more than 3 or 4 drinks in one day, you should know that everyone breaks this rule once in a while. When you are doing this on a frequent basis, you need to stop and seek advice. HELP AND INFORMATION

For help with an alcohol abuse problem you can consult your residence advisor, Health Services, Counselling Services, and if religion is your thing the chaplains on campus can also be a valuable resource. While getting drunk and having a wild time can be a lot of fun, it shouldn’t be a regular thing, and your friends will also get sick of taking care of a puking mess after a while. Moderation is key to having a good time; if the party never stops — it takes the special out of special occasions. Drink responsibly.

CAUTIONARY TALE For my 21st birthday my friends and I thought it would be a good idea to throw a themed party. The theme? Douche bags. We dressed up in popped collars and gelled hair, wore our sunglasses inside the whole night and drank the drinks that assholes love — a mini-keg of Heiniken , Goldshlager and Jagerbombs. The problem was that we decided we were going to drink the entire keg and as much of the hard liquor as we could before leaving for the bar. So we did Jagerbomb after Jagerbomb, and decided to finish off both bottles of hard liquor by doing a few rounds of Liquid Cocaine shots before leaving for the bar. Since we were all terribly drunk at this point, to boost up our energy we downed a few Rockstar+Vodkas on the way to Uptown to go to a popular douchebag dance club. I didn’t think I’d overdone it, although I can’t say with any level of certainty that I remember getting into the bar itself. Once inside I somehow procured a beer in my hand and managed to get shirtless. My memories after this become a series of instances: Being talked to by the security guard. Asking people around me where my shirt went. Having my shirt on. Realizing my shirt was on backwards. Having an extremely tough time putting my shirt back on the proper way. Seeing a police officer. Being outside talking to the police officer. Taking a pee in an alley. Talking to the police officer again. Suggesting we go to another bar. Being in a taxi. Arguing with the taxi driver that he was taking the wrong route to get to my house. Being at my house. Waking up the next morning. In retrospect, I made a lot of really, really bad decisions that night, primarily drinking enough to kill a horse before leaving for the bar. I’d also have to say I’m lucky I didn’t end up in the drunk tank at the police station that night, and walked away from it without any sort of ticket or fine. Although I haven’t bothered to check, I’m also willing to assume that I am no longer welcome at this bar in Uptown. Live and learn, kids, drink in moderation, or you too will have a night of complete and utter shame to think about any time you think about your birthday. — This author prefers to remain anonymous

be totally cool for your older brother to buy you a forty of vodka to celebrate your entrance into the world of post-secondary education, he probably won’t think its so cool if you get alcohol poisoning and he gets pinned for it. Remember that every time you ask someone to buy booze for you while you are underage you are asking them to break the law on your behalf. Taking advantage of liquor delivery services that don’t regularly check ID is also unscrupulous on your part, and should be avoided. What a shameful thought. Drinking at parties and with buddies, though, isn’t and shouldn’t be the crowning achievement of your Frosh drunkening though. As a university town there is a cornucopia of seedy dance clubs, fake Irish pubs and psuedo-50s diner bars at your disposal, and you are adamant that you get the full experience of spending six dollars on a beer, right? And while you may be prowling Waterloo for that one bar that will let you in without checking your ID, you can keep on looking — the bouncers in the town have been known to ask people as old as 33 for ID when they are regular visitors, so you and your baby-face-rosy-cheeks don’t stand a chance. While you might think there is

nothing to be gained from a dry Frosh week (and if you have enough ingenuity, you might never have to experience one), there is a lot to be said about making friends the old-fashioned, sober way. Most people will tell you that the friends they made in a drunken stupor during their Frosh weeks are people whose named they don’t know and couldn’t remember if you paid them. While they might seem like the coolest people in the world through your beer goggles, if the only reason you are talking to them is because they are throwing a mini-kegger in their dorm room, they probably aren’t people who are going to keep your attention — or friendship — for long. The best advice you can get in terms of your need to get hammered your first week here is: don’t. You have a full week here to learn your way around campus, find your classrooms ahead of time, get your books and maybe meet a prof or two, and if you spend that week in a half-coma, it’s a bit harder to figure those things out once you are in the thick of classes. It’s best to use your Frosh week in the way it was intended instead of as one long party. And, if you are going to go for one of those liquor delivery services that rarely check ID, just remember that you’ll be very unscrupulous. Very, very unscrupulous.

ou’re getting unpacked for the best damn Frosh Week ever. You’ve got your beer bong, you’ve got shot glasses, but there is one thing you’re missing: ID that says you are 19 or over. Like many Frosh before you, and many Frosh after, you are going to spend not only Frosh week dry, but also most of your entire first year at university. While all your friends are off having the time of their lives at the bar, you’ll be stuck in your dorm room working on things like homework or needlepoint. Well, don’t worry, being underage in first year isn’t nearly as bad as you might imagine it to be. If you insist on drinking (assuming you already know) there are a million and one ways to get booze smuggled into your residence. A million ways and all of them totally illegal in varying degrees for you, your friends, and the person who bought the stuff for you. I’m sure finding the one or two people in your residence who stayed an extra year in high school and asking them to buy booze for you won’t work either. No one is desperate enough to make new friends that they would risk getting a fine or going to jail just so you could get drunk. I’m sure it couldn’t hurt to ask though. While you might think it would

What your birthday means for your partying ways

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Feel at home.

Welcome to

Waterloo, Kitchener and Cambridge. We’re glad you have chosen to attend university in this community. It’s a great place to live, with so much to see and do. We want you to feel at home. So here’s some information about our by-laws to help get you settled comfortably into life as a student. Noise:

Making or permitting noise that is likely to disturb others is prohibited 24 hours a day, seven days a week.

Public nuisance:

Making a public nuisance is not permitted – this includes littering, spitting and urinating in public.

Parking:

Make sure you know when parking is restricted on City streets. Please see the appropriate website for specific information.

Fireworks:

There are regulations about where and when fireworks can be set off, and prohibiting certain types of fireworks.

Open fires:

A permit may be required from the Fire Department for open burning.

Barbecues on balconies:

Barbecues are not permitted on balconies of buildings that contain more than two living units.

For more information about by-laws that are specific to the city in which you reside, go to the appropriate website.

www.waterloo.ca

www.kitchener.ca

www.cambridge.ca

Is it illegal in Canada to smoke marijuana?

Currently in Canada it is illegal to possess marijuana that is not for medical use, but as any Canadian stoner will tell you, small amounts are considered for personal use and have been decriminalized — so it is not a criminal offense to smoke marijuana, but it is against the law. Police officers will target individuals driving while high on cannabis, or people loitering on private property. So remember that if you choose to smoke, you are choosing to break the law, and you must be prepared to deal with the consequences. If you live in residence, you run the extra hazard of being kicked out if caught smoking in or around your residence. Is it possible to overdose on marijuana?

“Greening out” is term used to describe someone that passes out

imprint.uwaterloo.ca

when they have smoked too much cannabis. This is not nearly as dangerous as passing out on alcohol as you can get alcohol poisoning, while you can’t be poisoned by clean marijuana. Currently there has not been a single reported cannabis overdose related death in the history of Canada, but deaths have been report as a result of the intoxicating effects that impair judgment. Note that if alcohol is added into the situation the effects are normally doubled, so be extremely cautions when ingesting multiple drugs with different effects. Know your limit and smoke within it. What is the social etiquette for a pot smoking session?

The “session” is a time honour ed tradition that different civilizations have honoured since the first toke was smoked thousands of years ago. Nothing can be more enjoyable than random conversation that normally breaks down into occasion fits of laughter, but there are a few rules that should always be followed. First, always bring your own supply, no one likes moochers and pot is not cheap. Second, respect people’s limits, as everyone has a different tolerance. Third puff, puff, pass — no one likes someone who smokes the whole joint. Fourth, if you break it you brought it. Regardless of the situation, you have to replace it! Fifth, if you are invited, do not bring your entourage uninvited or else you will find yourself on the outside of the circle. (Although some true potheads will always argue “the more the merrier,” and as long as everyone brings their own stash, then all are welcome. Gauge the situation and read your circle carefully.) Follow these rules and you will have plenty of invitations into the circle.

The moral of the story

Pot is a drug, just like caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, and ecstasy are drugs. There is a time and place for everything, so if you start reaching for the bong instead of the books it might be time to let the smoke clear. And, as any stoner knows, there are risks involved with burning one down, from potential health risks to the possibility of jail time. Unfortunately, marijuana prohibition persists in Canada, and if you want your reefer to be legalized try joining a group like the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws (NORML). As Mark Emery can attest, always be cautions when crossing the border, as our neighbors to the south are even more entrenched in the propaganda that surrounds marijuana that we are. Editor’s note: The opinions expressed in the above editorial are solely those of the author and do not express the views of the Imprint editorial staff, the corporation, or the university.

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Reefer, grass, chronic, weed, Mary Jane, herb, green, dope, pot, skunk, cannabis, and ganja are just some of the common names for cannabis. This herbal plant has been smoked since 3,000 B.C. where ritual braziers (Egyptian coal fire containers) were used to burn cannabis during ancient burial ceremonies. Today, students use the intoxicating hallucinogenic effect of cannabis to escape their stressful workloads and to unwind after a long day of classes. From eating of special brownies to taking bong hits to smoking a joint (marijuana cigarette) students are getting high, so very, very high. Here are some frequently asked questions answered by a self-titled marijuana connoisseur.

Reefer madness at UW

This is an extremely loaded question as different studies have produced different results, from just as bad to four times as bad. In my opinion, there is nothing healthy about smoking cannabis as you are inhaling tar and other toxins. If you are truly worried about the harmful effects of smoking just bake the marijuana into brownies, cookies, gingerbread, or other tasty treats. The long term effects of marijuana use are debated, but excessive use over long periods of time (upwards of a few joints a day) has been linked to short term memory damage later in life. Marijuana also has no physical withdrawal symptoms, only mental. Like all good things in life, however, there are downsides to smoking pot, so smoke in moderation.

UP IN SMOKE

Is Smoking marijuana as bad health for you as smoking a cigarette?

CONVERSATION OPENERS

or those of us with naturally gifted social skills, witnessing social outcasts like yourself crash and burn when trying to introduce yourself to that someone you’ve had your eye on is not only painful because of your obvious rejection, it is painful because it means you have learned nothing from standing in the shadows of social butterflies all these years. Part of a successful meeting, pick up, or general introduction is having a good opener. You might think of a line like “Are you tired? You’ve been running through my mind all day!” Well before you even bother trying to choke that one out, take a look in the mirror. It would take some kind of popped-collar douchebag magic to actually pull that off, and you don’t have that raw douchebag sex appeal, so forget it. We’re going to start basic here. All of the gender specific pronouns of your interest will be female, although it should be noted that these lines will get you into a conversation with just about anybody. “You look familiar, where are you from?”

The classic line. This says many things. First of all, even if you have never seen this girl before in your life, she instantly thinks that she is recognizable and memorable. The question half lets her know that you not only like and remember what you see, but you’d like to know more about her. This gives you the opportunity to hear where she is actually from, and use that as a jumping point, for example: if she is from Barrie, you find some correlation in your own life to Barrie, you once drove through Barrie, you have a friend from Barrie, etc. If she is from god-knows-where, you can continue the conversation by asking her exactly where that small town is located.

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“I saw you on the dance floor earlier, would you mind if I bought a drink for you and your friend?”

Now, for this one you don’t have to have actually seen her anywhere else in the club other than where she is at that moment. But once again, letting her know that she is memorable and recognizable is your gateway to a conversation. By acknowledging and buying a drink for her friend, you are showing that you are an approachable, nice guy who isn’t trying to break up their girls night. The friend will feel flattered that you’ve included her too, and will work as a positive for you in any post meeting chats they have about you. Finally, by buying them a drink you are showing her that you feel she deserves to have attention paid to her and money spent on her. The operative here is to

also draw her away from the main dance area and bring her to the back or more secluded area of the bar so you can chat. Once you’ve got her talking to you, the rest is on your shoulders. Remember that if at any time she motions to leave the conversation, stops talking to you, or walks away, that is your cue to give up trying to impress her. That is not optional — if she is not interested, you have to move on. If there is something specific about what you said in your conversation that sparks her disinterest (i.e., “I hate dogs!) keep that in mind as something you might not want to share or bring up in a first meeting with anybody. Asking someone for their phone number is as easy as it sounds. If you are both liking each other, making a lot of eye contact, and laughing, simply say “Would you mind if I asked you for your number?” Remember to maintain eye contact (don’t fiddle to get your cell out of your pocket) while you ask. Don’t take off immediately after asking her, either, stay, chat a while longer. By staying you let her know that you like her, and you’d enjoy spending even more time talking to her, but you’ll only leave if you really have to. Picking up from the bar is a bit more tricky. One of the better ways to spin things off from the dance club is to suggest that you both leave to grab a coffee before you head home. The Tim Hortons in uptown is 24 hours and is a perfect location for this. If things go well enough over coffee, and if you really like this person, then maybe consider actually cutting the evening short and just giving her a call once the week has started. Alternatively, if things go really well at coffee, you could mention that you have [insert new release movie here] downloaded to you laptop, and you are probably going to watch it when you get home because you aren’t that tired. If she seems interested in the movie, ask if she’d like to come watch it with you. If you have no patience for this, you could just suggest that she come directly to your place for “coffee.” If you think she’ll go for it. You’ve already heard it a thousand times, but the most important thing you can do when you are introducing yourself to somebody for the first time is to be yourself. If they aren’t interested in you when you are yourself, you’re dodging a bullet. The trick to meeting and conversing with your peers is to find out how to best present yourself and show yourself off — if you aren’t naturally gifted at socializing, most people won’t care. Get your foot in the door — spending time hanging out and small chats with the person you are interested in will bridge that gap eventually, even if she is an arts student and you are an engineer. And remember, sex doesn’t have to involve any conversation if you don’t want it to.

CAUTIONARY TALE If George Stroumboulopoulos was less of an optimist, I would go on his show and tell this as my worst (dating) story ever. They’d have to redo that awesome intro but hey, it might be worth it. Now, this didn’t happen in my first year. Luckily, because I don’t know how I would’ve dealt with it then. I had recently become involved with a guy who had been a good friend of mine for a couple of years. We’d made plans to meet up on Saturday night, after each going out with our respective friends. Having not seen him for almost two weeks, I was looking forward to the evening. We’d been texting and calling a bit in the interim, and early Saturday evening I received a text telling me he was too hung over from drinking the night before to go out tonight. Sorry. Colour me unimpressed. Excitement vanquished. Anger kindled. I replied, showcasing my annoyance in what I hoped was a display of scathing wit. As planned—I ain’t no bailer—I went out

that night with my girlfriends. Originally, I’d intended not to go to my usual haunts since he’d be there with his friends and it might be awkward to be in the same smallish bars but not interacting with each other. This issue being erased, there we went. And so did he. One of my friends saw him walk in and promptly walk right back out — presumably just after seeing that I was there. Afterward, as a hopeful antidote to what was by now becoming my seething rage, we went dancing at the other club I was originally hoping to avoid. And sure enough, there he was again. I looked right at him and kept walking past. Unsure if he’d noticed me this time, I texted that it was “nice to see him.” But when I checked the dance floor again, he had vanished once more. Evidently, he had seen me. There has been no encore. — Sukhpreet Sangha

Places to check out in Uptown and beyond CHAINSAW

The Jane is pretty much the best place you can spend your time — if you happen to be a hipster. The disco ball and retro funk music, mixed with Value Village decor is all it takes for some people to feel right at home, but if you don’t own a pair of Raybans and haven’t seen the latest episode of Flight of the Conchords, it might not be the right place for you.

From the ashes of where the Silver Spur once stood comes Chainsaw — another country bar in the same spot with the same premise. Yeah, maybe this time it will work. This bar is brand new, but if it is anything like the Spur it will only be good for its late night karaoke after you’ve left a better place.

PHIL’S Do you like disgusting places? Were you locked in a dirty stinking basement at some point in your life and are looking to relive the experience? Ever been to a place with puddles indoors? Ever seen somebody light up a cigarette in the middle of a dance floor? Phils is this and so much less. If you like cheap drinks, cheap girls and decent music (but only on Saturdays) this is the place for you. The saving grace of Phils is that you can walk in with twenty dollars and feel like a king. Try not to stare when the drunk girls start pole dancing. ETHEL’S Ethel’s is the kind of place you go when you don’t want to hear music. Maybe play a game of pool (or, inexplicably, Ms. Pacman) with your buddies, down a pint and sit and chat on the decently sized patio. For some reason they can’t seem to invest in bathroom mirrors, but the place is known more for its flickering neon sign than it’s four-star decor. If that is your speed, Ethel’s is right up your alley. Don’t forget to stop by on Tuesday for tacos.

CLUB RENAISSANCE Ren is a gay bar. Before you say no, you should take into account that the drag shows here are more entertaining than any stand up comedian in K-W, it’s a fairly clean place, and the crowd is all pretty young. Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it. ROXANNE’S Roxanne’s is a strip club. You think the women who have to strip for a living are attractive? If they were attractive they would be called “models,” not “exotic dancers.” If you are a girl considering going here, prepare to be one of only two women in the bar. THE VAULT The Vault is the kind of place where people get into fights. The police swing by on a regular basis, and the girls who line up outside probably look a lot better inside. If you go here get ready for the crappiest remixes of top 40 music and a dance floor so awkwardly shaped its probably not possible to enjoy yourself on it. Final

BOMBER Do you hate yourself? I mean really, truly despise yourself ? Ever wanted to wait an hour and a half for a lukewarm meal brought with frigid service? Bomber is the place for you. If you are more interested in waiting in line for fortyfive minutes just to be groped by that asshole from your Modern Lit class who plays with his iPhone all lecture, you might be better suited to come by on a Wednesday night. FOX AND THE FIDDLE If you go to Laurier, you’ll love this bar. But you don’t, so unless you are in Rec and Leisure, you’d probably be better suited to find a place with a few less popped collars and a few more brain cells. The live music is generally awful, save yourself the trouble. MCMULLENS A nice downstairs sports bar is Uptown. Not a huge university crowd here, but worth checking out some evening when you’ve gotten bored of some of your other favourites. They have a great selection of on-tap. FRONT ROW Probably the best place in the city to go see a UFC match, and a nice patio to boot. A great place to nip away for lunch with friends since it is so close to campus. Be warned, it can get a large crowd in on event nights, and if you

d o n’t get there early you might not be able to find a spot. You can also expect a two dollar cover to get in on big nights.

JANE BOND

verdict: if you choose to go, for the love of God don’t leave your drink unattended.

TI DA

STUDENT BARS

FUBAR You thought Phils was bad? Now picture it three times bigger, with a clientele made up almost exclusively of screaming 19 year old girls and sweaty brown guys. This place puts Phils to shame. Its the closest thing to campus in terms of a dance club, however, meaning that as a first year, you’ll probably end up here at least once. 140 WEST 140 is the classier alternative to Fubar, sitting right next door. If your choice comes down to Caesar Martini’s or 140, go with 140, at least there is never a line up. Some nights 140 enforces a 21+ only rule, so be sure to find out when you are eligible to go there before planning a night. STARLIGHT Really the best you can hope for in Uptown, Starlight plays good dance music on Saturdays, hipster funk music on Fridays, and has a wide variety of live shows passing through all the time. It is also a great venue for other things like the annual Zine Fair, or other eclectic stuff. Note: This is by no means a complete list. There are far more bars and pubs, though these are the most common stops. For more information, use your taste (figuratively).

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WELCOME

THE

BAD

esidence isn’t the worst place in the world. It just seems like it. Being confined to a small room for the year is a lot like being in a prison cell. There is no way out other than living through it, so it’s what you’ve got to do. There could be any number of things wrong — you could be stuck with the worst room mate in the world, you might have severe trouble digesting meal plan food, and at the same time you miss your mom and dad and best friend back home, and you haven’t seen your dog in a week and it’s driving you crazy. But just calm down for a minute, it’s not that bad. I mean, the room is only tiny, not, say, miniscule, and you do get to leave the cell every once in a while to go to class, right? And, maybe those other people on your floor will get friendlier, it was only one mean look they gave you when you moved it. They’ll get over it. These are the multitude of thoughts rushing through your mind as you adjust to this strange new setting: Will they like me? Will we get along? Will I belong in my own living quarters? There are a thousand and one negative aspects of living in residence, and in particular, moving away from home for the first time, these are just a small few of them. But you have to think, is it worth it to fret over this stuff ? Like you went over before, you are stuck here for an entire year, so at the very least you should try and make the best of your situation instead of focusing on the negative side of things. The good you will experience far outweighs the bad, and that is something you will come to realize the more time you spend interacting with your new peers and enjoying campus life at large. Don’t dwell on the bad stuff when there is so much good stuff out there to experience.

THE

GOOD

esidence is an important opportunity to meet people who aren’t in your program. This is more important for some of you than others. For example, if you happen to be one of the people in a completely gender lopsided program like software engineering, physics, or women’s studies, living in residence might constitute a rare opportunity on your part to meet people of the opposite sex. Although there seem to be intense taboos, and this is the lone Imprinter who has a positive experience with “rez-cest,” the term for hooking up with someone in your residence — which might be a little more taboo if you come to view them as a surrogate family like some people do. In any case, making friends in residence, and getting to know their friends in turn will expose you to social circles you wouldn’t easily find on your own. Maybe you need to be a giant geek for this, but there is one absolutely awesome thing about living in residence: LAN parties. There’s something about an entire floor of residence playing a strategy game or first person shooter together. It is a bonding experience and a testament to the fact that large groups of people can blow up large amounts of things. Living in certain residences like REV and V1 mean you don’t have to cook, the folks at the cafeteria take care of that part of living for you. Also, there’s a cleaning person. While (s)he won’t do your laundry or clean up the most disgusting of your messes, she will tidy your room a little bit, vacuum, and try to make sure the place doesn’t stink. If you’re not used to being on your own at all, residence can be an educational stepping stone to independence. While you aren’t exactly living on your own, you still have the freedoms and liberties of someone

TO RESIDENCE Whether its V1, MKV, UWP or one of the many other places of residence for first year students, you are stuck here for a year, so learn to deal with it CAUTIONARY TALE who doesn’t live at home. At the same time you get to enjoy the previously mentioned comforts of home, like having your floor vacuumed and having your meals cooked and served for you. Res is an amazing social experience overall. Anxieties at the start will soon fade and give way to friendships, whether they be lasting or not. Some friendships turn out to be long lasting. Because you meet people in different programs, they can help to keep you grounded throughout your university career — mainly because they won’t be as world-endingly panicked as you over a text or project. Some friendships can go much farther, for instance, I, the author of this article, recently saw a first year resident friend walk down the aisle. While not everyone loves their residence experience one hundred per cent, it is fair to say that most students walk away from it having gained something, whether it be insight into themselves and their ability to live semi-detached, or personal growth that took place in that time, or maybe even just a few good memories. The best advice I can give is to relax. In a month’s time all of your concerns will be distant memories while you are enjoying spending time with your buddies.

When I came to school in first year I was really worried that it would be me who would be the residence geek. I was afraid I would get stuck with some jock super asshole or someone who would push me around. Little did I know that the exact opposite would be true of my experience. I got to residence that first day and I saw that the room mate I had been stuck with was the eaxct opposite of me, sure, but I was the one who was much better off than him. This guy had no social skills, he could barely talk to me, his hygiene was downright awful, and I couldn’t stand to spend time with him. I probably said just as much to him that first day in front of my parents as I did the entire first term I was in school after that. We even had a class together where I would refuse to talk to him. By the time Christmas rolled around it got to be too much, the smells, his weirdness, so I applied for a room change so I wouldn’t have to deal with him any more. As I was leaving, my don mentioned to me that someone from the floor was going to have to have a chat with him about his odour. That came about four months too late, I thought. Once I’d moved out I barely

saw him. That is, until the fall of my second year, once I was living off campus. I would bump into him around the residence we had lived in during first year. It occurred to me that, while I was off living with my friends, he had taken a second year in residence. It also occurred to me that, in all the time I’d been judging him, he never brought a single friend over to our dorm room, not once. I made a concerted effort to try and talk to him after that, but I don’t think he wanted a whole lot to do with me after the way I’d treated him in first year. I can hardly blame him, I’d been way too concerned about myself to see that he was obviously going through a really tough time being away from home. For all I know he actually didn’t know how to wash his clothes if it was his first time away from mom and dad, and his social awkwardness prevented him from being able to reach out to me — that was my job, and I didn’t do it. I don’t see him around campus any more, but I still do feel really bad about the way things had ended between us, and I do wish I could go back and do things a bit differently. — This author prefers to remain anonymous

1. Keep the place clean

2. Stay away when not wanted

3. Don’t steal anything

A residence room isn’t overflowing with space, so the least you can do is keep your dirty clothes off the floor, assuming your room mate is capable of the same. If he or she insists on throwing their junk everywhere, it only stands to reason that you should follow suit. Things like sweaters and sneakers belong on the closet, books on the shelf and sheets on the bed — none of these things have a home on the floor in the centre of the room. When the mess on your side of the room is starting to interfere with the functionality of your neighbour, it is time you broke out the hamper and did some laundry.

If your room mate is trying to get laid, and has told you repeatedly that he is bringing a girl over and he wants some privacy, for the love of god, don’t show up in the middle of gametime, crack open your laptop and start to play Civilization IV. You will be lucky if you don’t get an axe through your head in your sleep. The same goes for petty arguments and study time. If you two are getting on each other’s nerves, due to stress, issues, or whatever, don’t stick around and press whatever is wrong. Sometimes it is best to leave the room for a while so you can both breathe a bit and get past whatever tensions are lying there.

Even if you think “it is just a pencil” and you are planning on giving it back right away, you know you, and you know you won’t. Boundaries are boundaries, and you have to respect where yours end and his begin. This includes things like shampoo and other items you are so sure they won’t notice — they do. In the same vein, leeching is a form of stealing. If you manage to go a whole year without buying toilet paper and just using that of your room mate, you might chalk it up to success, but your room mate is probably wondering if they have a bowel disease based on the sheer volume of TP they think they’ve been using.

4. Don’t be a jerk, seriously

CE EN D SI

Four simple steps to keeping the peace in your dorm room

HOW TO BE A GOOD ROOM MATE

Even if you think you are being halfway decent, you should be considerate of your roommate. Don’t blast loud music during exams, don’t leave food rotting on your desk, don’t walk around naked when he has asked you to stop over and over again. Try not to stink too much, and be nice to his or her friends when they come over. Nobody likes a stinky jerk.

GETTING THE MOST OUT OF YOUR MEAL PLAN?

Or is it just getting a lot out of you?

kay, let’s face it, residence and meal plan food is world renown for being the most disgusting stuff known to man. Very few people make it out of their first year without at least one story of sickness, and if you can somehow wrestle that doubt of diarrhea at a time that isn’t midterms or finals, you can consider your meal plan a success, right? You shouldn’t have to worry about upset stomachs and bowel movements, and there are a few things you can do to try and make you meal plan experience a healthier one. HEALTHIER OPTIONS

Try to avoid things like pizza that has been sitting under a heat lamp. If your stomach upsets easily you need to watch out for things like this: eating greasy, starchy foods that have been exposed to the open air for long periods of time is a recipe for disaster. If you’re looking for a

snack, try to grab some of the fruit or refrigerated stuff in your cafeteria. If it is fresh and kept cooled there is much less of a chance of you catching meal-plan flu. If you have a delicate stomach you should try your best to avoid things be brandied about in bowls for everyone to touch. Think about how many other people’s hands have passed over that bagel before it went into your mouth — and think about where those hands have been before they made their way to the dining hall. DRINK WATER

Make sure to drink a lot of water with whatever you eat, this will help the food process and leave your body sooner, and with it goes any germs that might have been hanging on there when it came to you. But, you don’t need to be told to drink more water than you already do, you’re already drinking your eight glasses a day, right?

GET SOME GROCERIES

If you are lucky enough to have a mini-fridge in your residence room, or share a fridge with members of your floor, you should think about investing in some groceries for those days when you know the meal in the cafeteria just won’t cut it. Try things like yogurt and bananas, things that are filling that won’t upset your stomach very easily.

WASH YOUR HANDS BEFORE AND AFTER MEALS

Remember that you too are one of the many germ carriers that walks through your cafeteria, so you should wash your hands thoroughly before you go for dinner. Remember that, while you are eating, the dirt and germs you’ve collected throughout the day are coming into contact with your mouth at every bite, so washing your hands regularly is even in the best

interest of protecting you from yourself. Try not to over do on one thing

In residence, people can fall into a habit of grabbing the same thing every day, regardless of the nutritional value, how long its been sitting out, or how well it is made. If, for example, the chicken wrap is delicious once night, that doesn’t guarantee that it won’t have seen better days by tomorrow. Follow these simple steps and you should do fine. Although no one can promise you that you won’t fall victim to the residence pudding poops at least once in your time there (consider it part of your first year experience) you can do your best to avoid getting any sicker than you need to, as well as avoid getting sick multiple times. Remember that it isn’t up to a meal plan to make you eat healthy or sanitarily, it is up to you and you alone to make sure you stay well.

CAUTIONARY TALE Once, when I was in first year we had a schnitzel night in the cafeteria. It was just so delicious I went back for seconds and thirds. That night I had to study for a big midterm, but I didn’t notice anything wrong with my stomach, other than maybe a bit of a cramp from stuffing too much food in there. I was all ready for my midterm and went to bed. I woke up with a start at about 4 in the morning. I thought I was going to poop the bed. I literally ran to the bathroom with my hands over my ass. Luckily I made it in time, but I spent a good hour on the pot and didn’t get back to bed at all that night before my morning midterm. I went in somewhat confident. I was terrified that I was going to have another stomach episode, so I hammered through the midterm as fast as I could to avoid any embarrassing situations. The further into the midterm that I got, the worse I had to go. I could feel it swelling up inside of me and it was just so runny that I was afraid to move for fear that I would go at any second. I scribbled in what answers

I could, but I knew I was bombing the midterm. I managed to complete as much of the midterm as I could before the prof let the first round of students go. I slowly, carefully walked up to the prof ’s desk, placed my paper down, turned carefully on my heel and walked away. I was walking so slowly but I felt it welling up, and I wanted to run really badly — but I couldn’t because if I did I would have an explosion on my hands. I made it out of the classroom and started walking faster towards the closest washroom I could see. I couldn’t take it any more and burst out into a jog towards the washroom, undoing my pants as I went. I made it, but not nearly fast enough. I ruined a pair of underwear and donated them to the garbage in that St. Jerome’s washroom. In total, I’d say it took me an hour to clean up. I contemplated explaining this and asking to retake the midterm, but it’s too gross. — This author prefers to remain anonymous

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RE CE EN D SI

OFF CAMPUS DONS IAN CUTAJAR STAFF REPORTER

tarting university can be a frightening thing. With seemingly drastic leaps and bounds from the high school academic system to university life, the first few moments of university can bring panic and fear to easily misinformed first-year students. From a personal perspective, the very concept of university was quite the prestigious mystery. Being dropped off at the front doors of the Student Life Centre, and told to ‘figure it out from there’, panic and confusion entered my heart. Fortunately, the fish-out-of-water feel was taken down a notch, thanks to some of the great services that are around campus. The first –and possibly the most shocking- service I encountered were the Off-Campus Dons. The Off-Campus Dons are a selected group of university upperyear students, directed to help solve the questions and concerns of first years who happen to live (as one might guess) off campus. Off-Campus first years are often introduced to their dons during the first day of Orientation Week, the dons being their first introduction to university life. The Dons themselves run several events during Orientation Week, from a cooking contest called Iron Chef, to giving students permission to duct tape their dons to walls. Through orientation’s number of events, the Off-Campus Service begins showing students the campus, school life, services, and more. Although one of the main fo-

cuses of the Off-Campus Service is strongly targeted towards Orientation Week, the Dons continue working throughout the year to be a reliable support for first years. A first year’s assigned don is trained to answer any question a student might have. Predominantly, dons are a ‘first step’, if someone wants to know where their problems can be solved. In essence, a large portion of a Don’s job is to know about the other services on campus. If a first-year has a problem, an Off-Campus Don often knows where such a person can go, to get that problem solved. Living away from campus can be a difficult element to one’s student life. Off-Campus first-years vary from students who have lived in the KW area for their entire lives, to students who have been living halfway around the world for the predominant portion of their lives. Basically, one large question a first-year student might have is simply “What’s there to do, in Waterloo?” With that thought in mind, the Off-Campus Dons host events that spread beyond Orientation Week. Over the stretch of the school year, events range from sharpshooter pool, to bowling, giant games of laser-tag, movies, and even card-making. So is university so dog-eat-dog? Is it really all that overwhelming? Certainly, classes are heavier, studying is harder, and marks are stricter. However, it’s a comforting thought to know that there are services out there. There are people who are there to help. In fact, it’s not that hard to receive the answers you need.

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CIF

he PAC is an exercise machine graveyard. And it smells like one, too. The machines in PAC are really not where it is at, unless you are some bulked out, ‘roid raging football player — then this will be like a second home for you. PAC is good for a few things though, most importantly the pool. Lane swims are frequent during the term, although the overall gym hours have seen a lot of changes lately. PAC is also home to the squash courts on campus. for those who aren’t familiar with squash, it is an easy to learn sport, like a cross between tennis and throwing a rubber ball against a wall.

PAC is the older of the two gyms, and has (literally) been haunted by strange smells in certain rooms, although it is unknown if the building has mould damage or not. PAC is hardly a gym anymore as it is a fixture in the centre of campus used for taking exams in and cutting through on your way somewhere else. The pool is the main drawing point for the gym, and as such, is the part of the building that stays the cleanest and freshest smelling — although as a final verdict, the gym probably shouldn’t be visited for much else not that CIF has those fancy new machines. And girls. CIF has girls, too.

VS T

he most striking thing about the CIF gym is that it’s not a tiny room in the basement of some building. One whole wall of the CIF gym is basically a giant window, letting in lots of natural light. CIF should appeal to those interested in a more cardio-based workout. Treadmills, elliptical machines, exercise bikes and rowing machines line the outer perimeter of the gym. It gives many options for an endurance-focused workout routine ... when enough of them are functioning (sometimes, a depressing number of machines are out of order). Besides the endurance machines, there are quite a few weight machines (though usually at least two of these will also be out of order at any given time) and some dumbbells. There are fewer heavy dumbbells in CIF than at the PAC, but that’s

fine. CIF is geared towards fitness rather than bulk. CIF has a reputation for being the socializing, or pick-up gym. Quite often you will see guys there who should probably be working out at PAC with heavier weights and equipment, the only hypothesis being that they are there to pick up girls, as none are ever present in PAC. CIF is on the north end of campus on the other side of Columbia, a bit of a hike to get to from most places, but hey, if you’re going to the gym anyway you should get some of that exercise on the way there and back. If you’re a student here, it costs zero dollars to go to CIF and use the exercise room. All it takes is a swipe of your WatCard to rent a towel and you are set. That means you have no more excuses — get in shape.

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ANGE GAETANO STAFF REPORTER

you where you need to go.

o, you’re a fresh faced first year full of hopes and dreams. It’s time for a little reality check. You’re in university now. You will sit in one spot for hours on end reading the same nonsensical sentence. You will eat whatever is closest to your bed. You will mix your liquor with carbonated sugar-water and proceed to drink far, far too much of it. You will choose sleep over at the gym, and my soon-to-be-disillusioned friend, you will get fat, fatigued, and frazzled. If you don’t believe us, ask any upper year about the “Frosh Fifteen” and listen in horror as they regale you with tales of rotund room mates and, if they’re brave and honest, they’re own frosh fight for fitness. However, to your credit, you have chosen to come to Waterloo, the home of innovation. So, in the spirit of finding creative solutions to life’s problems, we present you with efficient, lazy-student-friendly ways to keep the pounds at bay, reduce your risk of poor health (including heart disease and diabetes), and better reap the rewards of a balanced lifestyle.

Dancing; you know, it’s that thing that you only do when you’re really drunk/you want to impress a possible conquest/you are double dared/when you’re room mate isn’t around to see you in your underwear. Well, it’s a great way to get your cardio in and helps you keep fit all around. MedicalMoment. org, a health and wellness website developed in association with Columbia St. Mary’s hospital in Milwaukee, explains that a 130 pound woman will burn approximately 265 calories in an hour of dancing (and, believe it or not, wallflowers, it’s fun).

WALKING

Yes, the UW shuttle will pick up from your night class and drive you the three minutes to your residence. They have your safety in mind and don’t want you to get attacked on your way home. However, walking — especially if you live on or close to campus — will only take you a little bit longer and is good for your health! For safety’s sake, grab a couple of friends (or introduce yourself to the hottie two seats over) and walk your ever expanding butt back home. BIKING

If you live a bit too far from campus to walk to class in a timely manner, or if you are a rez-rookie wanting to check out Uptown Waterloo, consider ditching your Watcard (which serves as a bus pass) and grabbing a bike. They’re available to rent for $20 a term from the UW Bike Centre’s “Yellow Bike” program (bike.uwaterloo.ca/yellowbike.html) and are an eco-friendly, heart-healthy, and speedier way to get

M GY

STAYING FIT Without hitting the gym DANCING

SKIP THE BURGER

If you’re apt to grab a high-calorie snack at the best of times, you may find that your new, and busier, student schedule will make fast food even more tempting — because of how fast it really is. Although grabbing a quick bite to eat at a restaurant on or near campus might seem like a good way to squeeze feeding yourself into your hectic life style, it is often less healthy and more expensive than bringing your own food from home. Taking the time to pre-package your own healthy meals and snacks a night or two in advance will keep you maintain the condition of both your body and your wallet. Get on the green bandwagon and grab a cheap reusable lunch bag or plastic container at the grocery store to lug your lunch with you on and off campus. Bring veggies and fruit or other healthy snacks to help stave off starvation in between meals and lessen your temptation at the candy machine. Although these tips are not a fullblown exercise and healthy eating plan, these are some simple and affordable ways to begin balancing your health as you adjust to your new student lifestyle. As you get the swing of things, you may be better able to fit in some time at the gym or an appointment with the staff at Health Services to discuss personalized ways to keep you healthy and at your best. In the meantime, we here at Imprint hope that keeping these pointers in mind will make you wiser – and not wider – as you survive first year.

TIPS TO REMEMBER FOR THE GYM ALWAYS STRETCH

SHORT AND SWEET

WEAR PROPER SHOES

You might not think that stretching is an important part of the working out process, but without getting your muscles loosened up and ready to go, you are much more likely to pull a muscle or get hurt while you are exercising. Some good stretches to get you nice and limber are bending over and touching your toes a few times, rolling your head around your shoulders, rolling your shoulders back a few times, stretching your arms to their opposite sides, and knee bends. These are very basic stretches, but with some searching you can find more online. Be careful not to overexert yourself. Remember that stretching properly and safely is an important part of every workout to avoid injury and live a healthy lifestyle.

A good exercise routine for fitness is to visit the gym two or three times a week for 30 or 40 minutes of cardiovascular exercise to burn off calories, burn some fat and to exercise the muscles in your legs and chest. A good half hour workout routine consists of a five minute warm up (jogging on the spot, jumping jacks) 20 or 30 minutes of intense cardio (running on the treadmill or using the bike) and five minutes of cool down. Remember that going for long periods of cardio exercise can tire you out and leave you in worse shape than you started, deterring you from going as part of a regular schedule. Although you might not be completely wiped, remember you are still getting important exercise for your body.

Many people think that the sneakers they got at Foot Locker are appropriate footwear for the gym, even though they were originally purchased as a fashion item. Before going for a workout remember that your footwear not only has to balance your entire body, but you must also have a level of traction for workouts where you are running or jogging. Since your foot is the pedestal for your entire body, you need to treat it with respect: that respect is proper footwear. Using these tips and tricks hopefully you can have a successful workout. For exercises like the cardio discussed, CIF would the the better gym as it has bikes and treadmills readily accessible.

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YOUR BODY RUBBER UP: USING CONDOMS A USER’S GUIDE

o, by now you have probably realised that you can use your dick for a lot more than taking a pee. Yes, your wang is capable of many things, from erections to masturbation, orgasms and, of course, sex itself. Now just because you are physically capable of having sex doesn’t mean, first of all, that you are really able to find someone to do it with, or second of all, that you can do it right. Sorry, no abstinence sex talks here. You guys are a bunch of horny little first years, sex isn’t just an option, it is pretty much an inevitability. So fellas, while the world of fucking is laying at your feet, there are a few things you’ve got to take care of before you can go out and get laid. First of all, trim that shit up. There is probably nothing more detrimental to the process of getting laid or getting head than having a giant whack of bush to shove in someone’s face. Trimming is easy enough. If you own a pair of hair clippers, just snap on the shortest comb attachment and get to work on your nether regions, chest and stomach. You should avoid using the clippers on your sack, however, because that is basically a recipie for an embarassing trip to the emergency room. If you are feeling adventurous, there is always the razor-route. This has the added advantage of making staying clean a shorter and longer lasting process, and can even make your package look a bit bigger. Make sure you keep yourself clean. If you’ve got some stank on the go, nobody will want to touch you naked. Make sure you use shampoo and body wash within a period of a couple hours before you are expecting your sex. The closer these two events are, the better. Remember that cleaning you nether-regions is important, seeing as that is the area that will be getting the most attention — places like under the foreskin and your butt-region are smell magnets, so make sure they get a good wash. If you don’t want babies or STDs, make sure you have a condom ready, and if your partner is a girl, ask if she also practises a type of birth control like the pill, a diaphram, or one of the other weird methods women use. If you think that pulling out is acceptable, you are an idiot. First of all, if this is a girl you picked up at a bar or a Frosh Week event, you have no idea if she’s on the pill or not, even if she says she is. Second, you have no STI protection. All it takes is busting a nut 30 seconds earlier than you expect to and you’ve got a pregnancy on your hands. For all you know your sperm is hyperpotent and this chick is an anti-abortionist octo-mom. Having sex isn’t hard. Really, your body does all the work for you, you just have to be there. Remember to treat your sex partner with respect (ie, no donkey punches) and to help clean up any mess you make in the process. You could be a casanova on the prowl or a virgin looking for his first time, but the most important thing you can do when it comes to sex is to check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Fellas, it is important to follow the cardinal rule of safe sex. Use a condom. Use ‘em right, keep ‘em tight. you don’t want an STI, a baby, and you wouldn’t mind lasting a bit longer either, right? You think you know how to use a condom? What you don’t know might surprise you.

3. Do the deed

1. Opening the package

4. Take it off

While you may not be too stupid to open a wrapper, you might be stupid enough to open a wrapper wrong. Make sure you open it in the spot indicated on the outside of the wrapper, or along the ridged border of the packaging. Although you might think that it looks pretty sexy to tear open a condom with your teeth (sidenote: it doesn’t) you stand a good chance of puncturing the condom doing this. Try your best not to tear the condom with a fingernail, watch, or tooth in the process of opening it. Remember, your baby-juice tadpoles can get through even the smallest tear.

Make sure you are completely removed from your partner before starting to take off the condom. Pinch the end while you are taking it off so you don’t make a sticky mess, remember that your cum stays alive for a couple hours after it leaves your body, and if it gets on outside girl-parts, your sperm can manage to swim inside. Think it’s overcautious? Google it.

2. Putting it on

This is where things start to get a bit tricky. Make sure the rolled up ring is on the outside, pinch the tip on the condom and place it on the tip of your penis. Make sure your foreskin is retracted for this part. Roll the condom all the way down to the base of your wang.

Most of this part is up to you — and maybe a little bit the person you are having sex with. Remember that if the condom slips off, courteously remove it from your partner (be a gentleman now), throw it away, and get a fresh one.

5. Disposal

This part really has nothing to do with preventing STIs or pregnancy, but unless you are a huge asshole, don’t flush the condom, or just leave it sitting on the top of a wastebin. As much as you want to show off to your room mates that you got some, nobody needs to see your spunk. If you’ve managed to get some outside, throwing it on the ground is really the epitome of disgusting behaviour. Wrap it in some toilet paper before you throw it away.

GUYS

A BIG SCARY LIST OF DISGUSTING STIs AND HOW THEY HURT YOU JASON STRACHAN STAFF REPORTER Chlamydia

This bacterial sexually transmitted infection (STI) is one of the most commonly reported STIs in Canada. Chlamydia is transmitted through oral, vaginal, or anal sex. Common symptoms include burning during urination, pain/swelling of the testicles, watery to milky discharge from the penis (not ejaculate), and/or itchiness inside the penis. Often, men do not show the symptoms of chlamydia while infected, which lead them to unkowingly spread the bacteria to others. If individuals believe they are infected, they should approach Health Services on campus, or any health professional, who can administer a reliable urine test. Chlamydia is often treated with one oral dose of antibiotics, it is important to remain cautious, as it is possible to become re-infected through unsafe sex. In addition to the short term symptoms, the long term effects of Chlamydia in males are not well known; so be safe and wrap your tool. Gonorrhea

On the street it is referred with names such as “the clap” or “a dose”. Gonorrhea is the second most commonly reported STI in Canada and can cause serious health problems. It can be

transmitted orally, vaginally, or anally through unprotected sexual interaction. Gonorrhea symptoms normally appear three to five days after sex, but in many cases, the symptoms can go unnoticed, increasing the chance of spreading the bacteria unknowingly. Symptoms in males are often include thick yellow-green discharge from the penis, burning during urination, pain or swelling of the testicles, rectal pain, and/or rectal discharge. If you believe you are infected, report to the nearest health professional or Health Services on campus, where a swab test will be performed. If the test is positive, the treatment is a simple one-dose oral antibiotic. The infection is curable but only a doctor can prescribe the medication. So, consult your physician if you are in doubt. Genital Herpes

Perceptions of genital herpes are rife with misinformation, which is often manifested in myths of it spreading through toilet seats, bathtubs, swimming pools, or hot tubs. In reality, the most common way to contact genital herpes is with direct contact with open sores, often during sex. It is possible to transmit the infection without open sores. It is also possible to spread herpes to other parts of the body through oral sex (genital herpes on your face or in your mouth). The symptoms include tingling or itching on the genital area, clusters of tiny

blisters followed by open sores (in the anus, thighs, or buttocks), and/or fever and headache. If symptoms appear, contact your local health professionals as soon as possible. There is no cure for genital herpes, but medication may shorten the attacks and reduce the pain of the open sores. The infection will remain with you for the rest of your life, so prevent it by protecting yourself in all situations. Syphilis

Syphilis is a serious disease that affects the entire body, and if untreated, may cause serious health problems such as heart or brain damage. It is spread through unprotected sexual interaction. It is possible to unknowingly transmit the disease, as symptoms may appear from days to months after the initial infection. A simple blood test can reveal if you have been exposed to syphilis so it would be wise to visit your local health professional if you are in doubt. Common symptoms range from painless sores around the vagina, penis, mouth, or anus, “flu”-like symptoms, and/or rash on the palms of the hands, soles of the feet, or over the entire body. Syphilis can be cured with antibiotics, but treatment should begin as soon as possible to avoid harmful side effects associated with the disease. CONTINUED ON PAGE 24

YOUR BODY ASHLEY CSANADY STAFF REPORTER

GIRLS

YOU DON’T HAVE TO ASHLEY CSANADY STAFF REPORTER

opular teen movies and television shows have long made entering university synonymous with sex. For many students this is their first time living away from home and their first time with private space to do private things. There’s a lot of new freedom to experiment and experience, but with that freedom comes a pile of societal expectation, anxiety, and the everto-be-avoided residence floor-cest. Whatever excites you the most about entering university, be it the jumbo box of Trojans safely stowed beneath your bed or the brand new Modern lit reading list piled on your desk, be sure to take the necessary precautions to ensure both your physical and your mental health. Despite the blockbuster narratives, university is much less of a wild romp than you’ve been led to believe. No, everybody isn’t doing it, and if you don’t want to or you don’t feel ready, then you shouldn’t be. There is no need to ensure you “lose it” before you begin classes, or to ensure you have the wildest experience and craziest stories to impart at Thanksgiving reunions. No one ever talks shit about the

girl who didn’t get drunk enough to blow half of her floor in Frosh week. Now, I am by no means justifying the sexual double standard, and if blowing your floormates is your thing then you’ll find no judgement here; however, you might want to ask yourself before getting down and dirty whether you are doing it for you or to fulfill some bullshit notion of what university life is supposed to be like. Don’t fuck for the wrong reasons. You will usually feel the worse for it later and you may pick something nasty up along the way. This is not to say that sex doesn’t happen at university, boy howdy it does. But it is not like Animal House. Our frats are more concerned with classes, charity, and taking over campus than they are with throwing wild keggers. You are free for the first time, and you should enjoy yourself, explore yourself, and expand your horizons. Just be sure you always do it because you want to and not because you feel you should. Be safe physically and always wear a condom, but always make sure to protect yourself mentally as well — because a poorly planned sexual encounter can leave as deep a mental scar as really bad genital warts can physically.

FOR INFORMATION ON BIRTH CONTROL AND ANNUAL CHECK UPS, VISIT HEALTH SERVICES

or whatever reason — by longstanding societal misogyny or the mere fact that most female sexual organs are relatively hidden — female sexual health still confounds even the most progressive and well-educated women. The number of savvy, sexually-experienced female friends I’ve heard putting off much needed gynecological visits or shying from visiting the Stag Shop to pick up some much needed aids is astounding. No matter how much Sex and the City you watched growing up ladies, you may still have a thing or two to learn about sex. First and foremost on that list is the importance of annual (or more) pap smears. The rule of thumb is that once you become sexually active or turn 18, you should start visiting the gynecologist at least once a year. Yes, pap smears are awkward, uncomfortable, and generally icky, but they are a necessary evil that can detect sexually transmitted infections and even prevent certain forms of cervical cancer. Yearly visits are great when you’re safe and monogamous, but it’s a little known fact that you should see your gynecologist every time you have a new sexual partner. While this may prove logistically impossible if you have a active sex life and academic career, but make sure to up your visits to Health Services to match your activity. Not entirely sure what a pap smear entails? Don’t be ashamed, many girls don’t, and it’s not often a topic of dinner table discussion. (Now, I’m going to skip the anatomy lesson, because most of us remember sex ed; however, a quick Wiki search can clear up any confusion.) Basically, a doctor inserts a speculum (a long metal tube, about an inch and a half in diameter that spreads your vagina after insertion), opens it, and inserts a long cotton swab, taking a sample of your cervical cells. Your doctor will also insert her fingers to check for physical irregularities and

is entirely covered by the Feds Health and Dental plan. Other ways of protecting yourself sexually are not so straightforward. You also need to be aware of potentially dangerous situations at bars and house parties. You were probably inundated with date rape scare tactics in high school, but it is a sad reality. Never leave a drink unattended and never drink to the point of passing out at a party. Go with friends and leave with friends, and always keep an eye on each other. It’s cynical yes, but it’s always better to follow the cliché and be safe rather than sorry. Sex isn’t just about doctors, disease, and unsolicited encounters; it also entails a lot of grooming. The politics of body hair have been hot button feminist issue for decades, but whether you prefer a rockin’ 70s-style bush or pure Brazilian, try to keep things trimmed and tidy. Just like you would rather give a blow job or go down and not feel like you’re flossing, your potential partner probably feels the same way. Finally, we get to the climax of our tale. Our society adheres to a sexual narrative that implies the male as the agent of his partner’s pleasure and her as the passive receiver. Regardless of your sexual orientation ladies, you need to voice your desires (and beyond “right there,” “Oh Yes!” and “Don’t Stop!”). If something doesn’t tickle your fancy bits, tell your partner. If something doesn’t reach your fancy bits, tell your partner. And if something is hurting your fancy bits, tell your partner. For all your met or unmet needs, there is a sex toy to help you.

A USER’S GUIDE

to feel the health of your cervix and uterus. The whole thing, while mildly uncomfortable, usually lasts only a few minutes. Pap smears, especially your first one, can a daunting experience, but you’ll be much better for it in the end. Your long-term sexual health, and the possibility to prevent cancer, are more than worth a few minutes of discomfort. I’m not going to dive into the various sexually transmitted infections that regular visits to your doctor can prevent. That topic is more than adequately covered in “A big scary list” page 22, however, I will once again reiterate the need to wear protection. Despite the fact that most of us grew up in a post-AIDS world and have had the need to use protection hammered into us, for whatever reason there are still people stupid enough not to wear a condom or use a dental dam during sex. I once had a doctor at Health Services tell me how rampant STIs are on our campus, and it doesn’t make sense. We’re supposed to be one of the top universities on the continent, yet our populace can’t figure out how to put on a condom. We are a school of engineers, it really shouldn’t be that difficult. Whenever you are with a partner whose sexual history you do not know, you must wear a condom or use a dental dam. Oral sex may not be sex (at least according to Bill Clinton), but it carries the same risks as penetration. I know it seems weird, but always use a condom or a dental dam when performing oral sex on a new partner. It may not seem sexy, but a bad case of genital warts on your face is even less so. Read the label, always use them correctly, and don’t double up (the friction can cause them to break). Even cashstrapped students can use protection — condoms are free at Health Services, Turnkey, and GLOW, and a makeshift dental dam can be made from a condom by chopping off the tip and cutting the side. Another way to protect yourself against STIs is to get the Gardasil vaccine. The vaccine protects against four strains of the Human Papilloma virus (HPV), which can lead to some cervical cancers and genital warts. All girls in grade eight now get the vaccine, but if you weren’t so lucky, it’s available at Health Services and

Tomorrow’s Professionals Apply Today!

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Ontario Law School Application Service November 2, 2009: Application deadline for first-year English programs May 3, 2010: Application deadline for upper-year programs

TEAS www.ouac.on.ca/teas/ Teacher Education Application Service December 1, 2009: Application deadline for English programs March 1, 2010: Application deadline for French programs

www.ouac.on.ca/orpas/ ORPAS Ontario Rehabilitation Sciences Programs Application Service (Audiology, Occupational Therapy, Physical Therapy/Physiotherapy,

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Sex toy story ASHLEY CSANADY STAFF REPORTER

espite common misperception, sex toys aren’t just for women. Although their origins date to prehistory, bringing a hand-held helper into the bedroom is still quite taboo. Men often feel threatened when they discover their girlfriend’s

bright purple dildo, failing to realize that even the best silicon toy often fails to measure up to the real thing. Sometimes men feel emasculated when their girlfriends bring a vibrator into the bedroom to spice things up and speed things along. The reality is quite the opposite, and sex toys can enhance an already fulfilling sex life or just add variety. Sex toys have their place in the LGBTQQ community as well, perhaps even to the level of stereotype.

It’s a common misconception that every lesbian has a strap-on; this is most certainly not the case, and there is plenty of girl-on-girl fun to be had sans-dildo. Regardless of who’s playing, it’s never the toys that make the experience but the people using them. So whether you’re buying your first sex toys for a little solo action or to be enjoyed with one or more partners, I hope to make the experience a little easier and your experience a little naughtier.

Buying a vibrator

Vibrators are just as much fun for men as they are for women. Whether it’s enhancing your partner’s experience or spurring solo play, vibrators are equally fun for both sexes and can be used in all kinds of sexual play. When choosing and using a vibrator, especially for the first time, there are a few things to consider. If you have never used a vibrator before, it’s wise to get one with varying intensities, so you can find the level of stimulation

right for you. On women, vibrators are most commonly used for clitoral stimulation, but you don’t want to jump right in and start buzzing your button as hard as you can. This can actually desensitize your clit and defeat the purpose. Instead start by stimulating the area around the clit, progressively increasing the amount of direct contact and slowly increasing the intensity of the vibration. Either alone or with a partner, the intensity of a vibrator-induced orgasm will soon have you screaming for more. Continued on next page

EVEN MORE

GROSS DISEASES CONTINUED FROM PAGE 22 HIV (Human Immunodeficiency Virus) / AIDS (Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome)

This virus attacks the body’s immune system, leaving your body vulnerable to other infection. AIDS is the late stage of HIV and is lifethreatening. People infected with HIV/AIDS can contract pneumocystis pneumonia or develop cancer which, due to their weakened immune system, they are unable to fight off. The virus is spread through the contact of body fluid such as blood, semen, pre-seminal fluid, vaginal fluids, and breast milk. Other body fluids such as saliva, sweat and tears have extremely low amounts of the virus and are not known to spread HIV. The exchange of fluids can occur during unprotected sex, via piecing needles, and intravenous drug use. If you believe you are infected contact health professionals and they will be able to do a simple blood test called the “antibody test.” It is important to note that most positive tests will show up in the first three months of a person becoming infected. Currently there is no cure for HIV but treatments have been developed to combat the progress of the HIV virus. Pubic lice and scabies

“Crabs” as they are commonly referred to are pin-sized, light brown insects that spread from host to host biting or burrowing into the skin and laying their eggs. They are transmitted through contact but many not always be the result of sexually interactions. Instead the lice or scabies spread by the sharing of bed sheets, towels, or sharing clothing. The symptoms include itchiness and rashes. An infection can also be marked by the visible presence of the bugs and their oval, whitish eggs. The good news is that pubic lice and scabies are easily treated with over the counter creams, lotions or shampoos, which can be found at your local drugstore. If left untreated your skin may become infected and cause serious medical complications. It is important to clean all bed linen and fabrics that you have come in contact with in hot water to kill any remaining insects; doing so will prevent a re-infection. The moral of the story is: 1.

Always protect yourself

When it doubt check it out

SEX TOYS: THE INS AND OUTS Buying a dildo

If being used primarily for penetrative sex, dildos are the oldest sex toy and their origins date to prehistory. Just like the real thing, when buying a dildo, size isn’t everything. You want to consider what shape your looking for (either traditional phallic shape or a curved toy to hit your elusive G-spot), whether you want the toy to have an features (any attached vibrator for clitoral stimulation or the ability to vibrate and twirl inside you), whether it’s for anal or vaginal play (dildos for anal penetration must have a wider base than tip to ensure they aren’t pulled too deep into the rectum), and what material you want (glass dildos are growing in popularity thanks to recent scares regarding the safety of PVC plastics.) Regardless of whether your dildo shakes, shimmies, or turns blue and screams, you need to make sure you get one that’s right for you — which means don’t go grabbing the Great American Challenge, start small and work your way up. Material and hardness are a huge factor or many people, as the idea of shoving a hard piece of glass inside you sounds less than appealing; however, the earliest dildos were made of stone and as long as your safe a glass dildo is the least toxic and easiest option to clean. Dildos can be enjoyed during mutual masturbation, as added penetration to oral or vaginal sex, and with a strap-on for vaginal or anal penetration. Cockrings, lubes, and handcuffs, oh my!

The sex toys that are the most fun for partner play are those that require both parties’ involvement. There are two kinds of cockrings: non-vibrating and vibrating. Non-vi-

Toys around the house

As a cash-strapped student, you may be happy to know there are many items around the house that can be turned into sex toys just by bringing them into the bedroom. Blindfolding yourself or your partner heightens your other senses, and the best blindfolds can be found in your bedroom. Scarves and ties always work well, and if you sleep with an eyemask it easily doubles as a blindfold. Also, most blindfold materials can also be used to tie your partner up, so if you can’t afford or are intimidated by handcuffs, they are a great alternative. Always make sure that you choose fabrics that won’t chafe or cause irritation. Cucumbers, zucchinis, bananas and other phallic fruits can make cheap and easy dildos, just be sure to use a condom and lube and dispose of the item after use. Guys can also find many fun masturbatory aids around the house — as American pie showed us all — from burrowing a hole in a melon to getting down and dirty with a sock, there are innumerable fuckable objects around the house. Again, be safe, use a condom (you never know where that watermelon has been), dispose of your

used goods, and clean off. Eating or licking food stuffs off your partner is a lark, and a whip cream bikini can get any partner panting. Girls should be careful, however, because sugar in and around the vagina can prove a catalyst to a yeast infection.

On men, vibrators are most effective when applied to the perineum (the area between the testicles and the rectum), coupled with either manual, oral, or penetrative stimulation. Vibrators can also be great addition to foreplay. Running them over your partner’s nipples, neck, buttocks, inner thighs, and other erogenous zones will leave them begging for more.

brating cockrings are used to sustain erection by restricting blood flow to the penis and sustaining the erection for a longer period of time. Be careful when purchasing these nifty tools, you don’t want them to be too tight. You must be able to take them on and off easily and ensure it does not cause bruising. Just like the Viagra ads say, you should never have an erection for longer than a few hours, so use non-vibrating cockrings. Vibrating cockrings are possibly one of the most fun sex toys out there. Used to stimulate the clitoris, perineum, or anus during penetrative sex, vibrating cockrings enhance the experience for both partners. Bringing lube into the bed room is always lots of fun, and the many edible, flavoured or massage oil crossover varieties at your local Stag Shop can keep you playing long into the night. Handcuffs are great for bringing some light BDSM into your relationship. Tying your partner up can change power dynamics, and the thrill can bring you to the brink harder and faster than ever before. Being the handcuffee is even more fun, as you get to submit fully to your partner, laying back to reap the benefits of your trust.

Continued from previous page

Keepin’ it clean and safe

Sex toys can carry sexually transmitted infections and other nasty bacteria, so it’s essential to clean them after every use. If you plan on using a dildo with more than one partner, or on your partner before yourself, use a condom with each new penetration. Most places you can buy sex toys also offer anti-bacterial washes that are latex safe, I highly recommend you pick these up as standard antibacterial washes often use too much alcohol and can break down the plastic, releasing icky toxins. Glass toys are by far the cleanest and safest for penetrative sex. They can be easily cleaned by dropping them in boiling water, and the associated risks with plastic are easily avoided. That being said, one must be careful not to bruise a partner as glass is much harder than an erect penis. There are many safe latex alternative, and many women prefer this softer texture, but be sure to buy quality toys as cheaper plastics are more likely to be toxic. Do your research and ask your salesperon about the safest plastic. So whether your strapping on, tying up, or getting off, sex toys are a great addition to any sex life — dildos are not just the realm of single women, although they may be the ones most associated with them. Sex toys can be found in the pleasure chests of everyone from single straight men to married lesbian couples — they can be used for any type of fun, be it solo, monogamous, polyamorous, open, or just for the night. Sex toys can open up a new realm of pleasure and sexuality in those who use them, and should be approached with a level of respect and excitement. Always follow rule number one: have fun.

SAVINGS, WHERE YOU LEAST EXPECT THEM.

LEADERSHIP ON CAMPUS

For those who have a hard time not being involved in everything all at once MICHAEL L. DAVENPORT EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

o you’re fresh into university. You were a pretty big shot in High School — on Student Council, or Yearbook, or something like that. You’re keen on quickly expanding beyond your mandatory academic slate here, and want to find yourself in a leadership role. What do you do? Where can you get involved? If that’s what you’re thinking to yourself, you’re reading the right piece. Getting involved in student societies

Every faculty on campus has a student society attached to it: AHSUM, ASU, EngSoc, ESS, MathSoc, SciSoc — at least one of those should sound vaguely familiar to you. Those are the names of student societies for the faculties of AHS, Arts, Engineering, Environment, Math, and Science respectively. These societies are under the Feds umbrella, though that’s just a bit of trivia for you. For the purposes of this article, the relationship between Feds and the societies isn’t very important. Now, not only do most of those societies offer the opportunity to get involved directly (from volunteering for office hours to keep the office open, to helping to organize a social event, to running for the executive) but these societies have departmental societies under them. Under SciSoc, for example, there’s ChemClub for the department of chemistry, PhysClub for the department of Physics, BUGS for Biology...you get the idea. The point is, if you want to hang out with fellow students in your program and faculty, and perhaps eventually take a leadership role in running social events for these people, this is where you want to be. Also, many of these departmental societies will be shopping for a first year rep. What to do if this sounds awesome: find a frosh leader in your faculty and program. Ask them about the XXX society, where XXX is your department. If you don’t know what the hell your department is, just throw your major in there, and I’m sure (s)he will know what you’re talking about. Getting involved in the Federation of Students

Ostensibly, part of being on a student society is relating the thoughts and feelings of the students back to Feds. Personally, though there’s the odd dash of politics I’ve found that the societies are more about the fun stuff. If “being a representative”

is what you’re most interested in, then you should get involved in the Federation of Students. In case you missed it in the first 25 pages of this paper, the Federation of Students is the name of our student union. They have several roles, first and foremost being the union which collectively represents the interests of the students to the university administration and the outside world. Being involved with the Federation of students tends to be a lot more politics, both in the “actually campaigning for office” sense and the “dealing with policy” sense. If you cared a lot about detailridden, complicated issues, and wish to continue to do so, this is where you want to be. Students council (aka Feds council) is made up of representitives from every faculty (and from the satellite campuses, and from the church colleges), and elections are held in the Winter term. (Some faculties have elections again in the Spring term, for co-op students.) If you’re a particularly ambitious froshling, you could even run for the Feds executive. Yes, it’s happened before, and yes, he won. Not that running for Feds exec is something to be taken lightly, or a good idea for your academic career — just telling you what happened, folks. What to do if this sounds awesome: pay attention, because at some point during your frosh week you’ll likely be introduced to the Feds councillors from your faculty. If you miss them, ask a senior frosh leader — the more senior, the better. Ask a FOC, if possible. They will likely be able to tell you who your Feds councillors are, by name. Also, the Feds executive will be wandering about throughout the frosh week festivities. If you miss all of that, keep your eyes peeled in January. That’s when nominations for campaigning will open.

from the food you get to the shirt on your back to the random stuff in the obstacle course you’re about to run, many people did work in getting that to you. But you know most of your leaders are having a great time, and you know how helpful they’ve been to you. If you want to be in their shoes someday, it’s a great way to get involved in campus. What to do if this sounds awesome: the process in becoming a leader varies from faculty to faculty. The one constant is that the recruitment process tends to happen in Winter term. Ask your frosh leader for details — they will certainly be knowledgeable about this.

Getting involved in the services

Getting involved with endowment funds

Services are kind of like clubs, but not quite. They’re also kind of like societies, but not quite that either. It’s fair to say that the services are run by the Federation of Students, and all serve a specific purpose. Some are apolitical, like the Off-Campus Dons or the Campus Response Team. (If you’re big into safety and first aid, CRT is where you want to be.) Some are necessarily political, like GLOW or the Women’s Centre, respectively our on-campus queer and women’s issues organizations. The Food Bank and the UW Sustainability Project exist somewhere in-between. In any case, all of these places have offices in the Student Life Centre, all of these places are welcoming of volunteers, and all of these places offer their own unique leadership opportunities. What to do if this sounds awesome: Visit businessesandservices.feds.ca/ service_listing to learn more about the service which most interests you. From there you’ll find contact information, a website URL, and a phone number. They’ll be happy to help you get involved.

Getting involved in a club

So that society and Feds stuff sounds too political for you. If you’re interested in something a little more casual and social, you should get involved in a club. Yeah, yeah. You’ve already read a billion articles in this rag telling you to join a club. But here’s the thing those articles might have failed to point out to you: every club on campus is required to have a president. Other executive positions exist in clubs as well. A lot of them are like a mini student’s council, with a president, a vice president, a treasurer, etc. Also, showing up for club events reliably and enthusiatically is as much “being a leader” as sitting on a club executive. No need to rush into office.

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Getting involved in Frosh Week

Though it’s difficult to forget this particular week, I’d be remiss in neglecting to mention one of the leadership roles one can take on is being a frosh leader. Yes, being a frosh leader is awesome. It’s social, it’s visible, and you can be remembered for years to come. At the same time, it’s a lot of work. It’s probable that nobody has actually told you this, but as frosh you don’t have to go to every single event during frosh week. You’re allowed to sleep in, or stay in your room and play video games. But when you’re a frosh leader, you do have to go to the events. There’s also a lot of grunt work behind the scenes, like hucking boxes or stuffing frosh kits or cooking food. Basically, everything you frosh have,

This one is an odd beast, and frequently overlooked. Let’s say you like making decisions about money, but don’t necessarily like the attention or social requirements which go along with many of the other opportunities listed here. Every faculty on campus has an endowment fund. AHS has AHSEF, Arts as AEF, Engineering has WEEF, Environment has WESEF, Math as MEF, and Science has WatSEF and FSF. These funds are used to buy lab equipment, fund special events, and help pay for specific initiatives on a proposal bases. All of these funds are jointly run by the university and students. The student directors have a majority in most of these groups, and an actual say in how the money is spent. What to do if this sounds awesome: Sadly, I can’t say “ask your frosh leader” here because many endowment funds aren’t common knowledge. (The exception is WEEF — pretty much every engineer knows what WEEF is.) The surefire way to learn more about the fund in your particular department is to ask the undergraduate office in your faculty about it. The management structure of the funds vary wildly, so that’s all I can say. And more!

This isn’t the be-all and end-all list of places to get involved in a leadership role on campus. I didn’t mention getting a seat on University Senate at all, for example. But this should give you a good feel of what’s out there, and hopefully point you in the right direction on your quest of student leadership. Finally, if you were a yearbook or student newspaper type in high school, and enjoy writing, or photography, or editing, you can always get involved in Imprint. Swing by our adorable little office here in the lower level SLC room 1116. Just saying.

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What to do if this sounds awesome: Find a club that interests you and join it! You can find information at clubsandsocieties.feds.ca, which has a link to a complete list of clubs. If the club you would like to join doesn’t actually exist (e.g. you note that there’s a “Campus Crusade for Cheese” and a “Campus Crusade for Teas”, but no “Campus Crusade for Chocolate”) it’s fairly easy to start your own club. Gather a few people with a similar interest, first off. Information about how to start your own club is also available at clubsandsocieties.feds.ca. Starting your own club — now that’s leadership.

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any of you will likely never go through the glass doors in the SLC Great Hall to the offices of the Federation of Students, or travel to the top floor of Needles Halls to meet with the senior administration. You’re not going to feel left out of any conversations for not knowing the details of the university’s Campus Master Plan or ancillary fee protocol, and no one will judge you for never learning what the acronyms SSAC and OUSA mean. However, the decisions that your student representatives and university administration make affect nearly everything you will do on this campus, so it will be beneficial for you to at least understand how governance works at Waterloo and who to talk to if there is something you want to improve. There are two broad groups of governance on campus: the student union side and the university administration side. Although this topic is more complex than what I am going to lay out in this article, and the two sides overlap and work together every day, for the purposes of an introduction, I’m going to skim over those details. Let’s start with the University administration. The two top dogs are President David Johnston and Provost Feridun Hamdullahpur, and all the other top administrators including the associate provosts, the six faculty deans, and the vicepresidents report to one of the two. All of these University administrators report to the two bodies of power at UW: the Senate and the Board of Governors. The Senate handles all of the academic policy and administration. It is made up of faculty, graduate students, and your eight elected undergraduate student representatives. The Board of Governors is responsible for pretty much every other nonacademic issue including handling the legal, personnel, and financial aspects of the university. Three of your undergraduate Senators sit on the board and vote on some notable

things such as setting your tuition costs and initiating construction projects. The university also operates around one million committees (give or take) on everything ranging from parking and alcohol use to investments and academic regulations. Almost all of the committees that affect you have student representatives on them, and some of these committees even have a student majority including the bodies responsible for the SLC and for student services, such as health, athletics, and counselling. So collectively your representatives are actually given a great deal of power and direction over how our university operates. Much of this influence flows through, and in fact most of the representatives are appointed by, the official representative of undergraduates – the Federation of Students. Feds works to protect your interests, provide helpful services, and organize most aspects of student life. On a day-to-day basis, the union is run by your four full-time executives who are elected to one year terms. President Allan Babor is your primary liaison with the university, sitting on the Senate, Board of Governors, and many university-level committees. He represents students to the City of Waterloo and provides leadership to several aspects of Feds’ governance and planning. He also oversees the various faculty societies that exist to represent faculty-specific issues and organize student life. Chris Neal, the vice-president administration & finance, oversees the administrative and financial aspects of the Feds, including budgeting, human resources, and running the Feds’ six business operations (namely the Bombshelter Pub, Fed Hall, Feds Used Books, Curry Up, Wasabi, and Federation Xpress). He also oversees the three special ser vices offered through Feds: the Universal Bus Pass, Health and Dental Plan, and Fed Bus. Your vice-president internal,

Sarah Cook, supervises student life under the Feds’ umbrella, including over 100 clubs and seven Feds services. She also works with the university administration and students on a variety of student life initiatives, and is responsible for volunteer recognition. Finally, Vice-President Education Justin Williams advocates for students on internal academic issues, such as academic integrity and co-op, and represents Waterloo students externally alongside other student unions to our two partner organizations OUSA and CASA. The two bodies advocate for students to the provincial and federal governments on issues that cannot be tackled locally, such as tuition, student loans, university funding, and access for underrepresented groups. The four executives together are accountable to Students’ Council, which is made up of elected representatives from the different faculties and university colleges. It oversees all aspects of student life and governance and acts as a forum for bringing student issues to the attention of the executive. Five councillors sit on the Feds’ Board of Directors along with the four executive and operate the more legal and financial aspects of the Feds, such as its investments, the businesses, and contractual agreements. If this all sounds like the most boring thing you’ve ever read, well let me assure you that it can sometimes in fact be that boring. However, the decisions that your student representatives make, contribute to, or are privy to, touch every part of your time here at university.

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GOVERNANCE CONTINUED FROM PAGE 27

If they are doing their job they can be very influential and act as a check on the university’s decision making. For example, just this past summer, your student Senators blocked the start of Saturday midterms and began working with administration to review and improve the contentious professional development courses that are mandatory for co-op students. In my experience with governance on this campus, things that you think suck (and I’m sure you will discover at least one or two in your time here) are not usually because some evil prick who has dreamed up an innovative way to make your life more difficult. More often than not, the issue arises because no one has articulated that it is a problem for students to the administration through their student representatives. Usually, your student representatives are not a champion for the cause because they themselves aren’t even aware of the problem. Certainly, there are just some fights we’re not going to win and there are often perfectly valid reasons for the way things are, but there are countless opportunities at Waterloo to either change something you don’t like or to create a new initiative to better our campus. Think that the food in V1 is brutal? Sit on the Food Advisory Board and make your voice heard. Feel like OSAP is broken?

Work with our VP Education and OUSA to develop solutions and push the province to do something about it. Want to create a club dedicated to the love of cheese? Well others have already beaten you to the punch, but joining or creating a club is easy! Other than bringing items to the attention of your representatives and giving them input when they seek out feedback, you can also get involved. As a first year, you can jump right in immediately with the Feds’ First Year Working Group or Residence Council and focus on first-year issues. You can apply for one of the many positions available on Feds’ and university-level committees by talking to one of our executives, and you should also consider running for a position that gets elected each winter term, such as a Councillor or a Senator. If that doesn’t sound like your cup of tea, I encourage you to pay attention to the campaign and vote online in February for who you think will best represent you! Finally, if none of this sounds at all interesting to you, take away this: Waterloo is not as cold and impersonal as its size and Brutalist architecture might make it appear. There are many students on campus who are dedicated to protecting your interests and are always looking for feedback on how to make your university experience great, so don’t be afraid to speak up if you have something to say.

IMPRINT is ALWAYS looking for writers

Maybe this term

It could be YOU!

editor@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

ER AD LE

MEET THE VIPS DAVID JOHNSTON

Former Feds president and current VP External, Justin is an Environmental Studies major in his second consecutive year within the Federation of Students executive. As the VP External Justin liases with provincial and federal board to discuss student financing among a host of other things.

David Johnston is the current president of the University of Waterloo. Once chosen as an impartial party to stand between Brian Mulroney and his detractors, he is regarded as one of Canada’s top businessmen.

ALLAN BABOR SARAH COOK Currently the VP Internal, Sarah has a long history of voluntering for Engineers Without Borders. As the VPIN Sarah oversees a portfolio including high profile services such and GLOW and the Women’s Centre. Sarah is also the executive in change of all the Feds Clubs.

CHRIS NEAL

Chris is the VP of Administration and Finance, as well as the only acclaimed member of the four executives.Under his management the Bombshelter Pub is projected to lose $130,000 this year.

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Allan is the current President of the Federation of Students — the only member of the four executives not to have run on the same ballot. Allan presided over the Arts Student Union before achieving his current position. As President he is in control of multi-million dollar corporation that owns a restaurant, a book store, and a convenience store among other things.

IP SH

JUSTIN WILLIAMS

D Second Edition

s a queer-identified UW student on her way out the door, it’s a challenge to sum up all that is gay and proud (or maybe closeted) on campus and in the local community. Nevertheless, I’ve learned a lot in my time here, and I’m going to try to pass on whatever knowledge I can. It’s a big campus, but a small community. Keep that in mind, for starters. Your main on campus resource is GLOW (http://glow. uwaterloo.ca). That used to stand for the Gay and Lesbian Liberation of Waterloo – but times have changed. It is now called “glow, the queer and questioning resource centre” and welcomes folks of all orientations and inclinations. There is an extensive collection of books (around 700-800) as well as a few DVDs. GLOW has run discussion groups on Wednesdays in the past, and while no longer able to offer them, glow sponsors the same group run by UW staff Jeremy Steffler. For the female-identified, there is also a weekly gathering called, currently, Sapphic Mondays. GLOW tends to attract a lot of men, so Sapphic can be a good opportunity to meet up with more women. The group is trans inclusive. To disclose fully, I volunteered with GLOW for much of my time at UW. Queer campus politics may interest you, and it can become pretty fiery at times. On the whole, UW is pretty gay-friendly, but there are a few areas where UW falls short. “Positive spaces”, places found on other university campuses and other public areas identified as queer-friendly by the familiar rainbow triangle symbol, are a hot topic with advocates, as UW has none; this lack has caused some recent controversy. If you should have any issues with professors, dons, or classmates, your official route for complaint is through FEDS or through university administration procedures. Under Policy 33, you can complain that another person on campus, such as a roommate, don, or professor is creating a “poisoned environment” by making homophobic remarks. You could be at risk, or simply uncomfortable. If the situation is urgent, contact UW’s Police Services at (519)888-4567 ext. 22222. From a campus phone, all you need to dial is the extension. Off campus, contact the Kitchener police at (519)653-7700 or 911. In addition to using official procedures to confront negative attitudes, it is important to remember to stay supported in other ways. Keep in touch with your key people and seek out new sources of friendship and support. A lot of things change in university as everyone finds their feet. It can be a good time to try out something new, perhaps aspects of your sexuality that you weren’t quite comfortable with before, or a time to cement what you already know. Most people find a new source of growth or challenge at university, whether

you look for it or not. Glow has a peer support line, run for a few hours on Sunday at (519) 888-4569. There are also two Kitchener-Waterloo hotlines, run 24/7. The distress line, for all your worries and thoughts, is (519) 745-1166. The Crisis Line, for more urgent situations and emergencies, is (519) 744-1813. Don’t keep it bottled up – give someone a call. If you need some ongoing support and/or prefer to talk in person, UW’s Counselling Services is very queer-friendly. You will find them in Needles Hall in Room 2080, across from the Financial Aid office. On to more fun things, there’s a whole city out there for you to explore. As a queer or questioning (or curious) individual, you have reason to venture farther than most. KW has a solid queer community, and cultural events often occur off campus. In the fall, you can check out queer-friendly burlesque shows, such as the Revue Royale. They often happen at the Walper/Yuk Yuk’s on King Street in Kitchener. Cliterature is a successful women-focused and queer-friendly event put on in January or February in Kitchener. Look up Cliterature 2010 on Facebook, or ask some locals for more info. That event is one I wouldn’t miss, but generally information about it passes through word of mouth. GLOW also offers a gay movie club that meets weekly off campus. They meet up for coffee at Cafe 1872 afterwards, and you can get more info by signing up for GLOW’s email list (at www.glow.uwaterloo.ca). In the late springtime, Kitchener-Waterloo puts on Tri-Pride (www.tri-pride.ca.) There are queer-themed comedy shows, “Lesbo Bingo,” a festival in the park, and some really crazy sponsored nightclub nights. On campus, the year kicks off with Queer Pride in October. There are usually visiting speakers, social events, dances, and movies in the SLC. They are always looking for volunteers, and it’s a great way to meet people. Participants, of course, are what the events are all about. Keep watch on the GLOW website for more timely details. Throughout town, there are a few gay hotspots here and there. Huether’s Cafe 1872 has been a queer hangout at times. Princess Cinemas is also popular, known for its film-criticfriendly films (read: quality, and not usually Hollywood). The Queer Film Festival, put on yearly in February, is often held at Princess, featuring gay centered films that you might not be able to pick up at Blockbuster. Speaking of queer films (and things you wouldn’t find at Blockbuster) check out Gen X on Regina Street in Uptown Waterloo. They have a large selection of queer films, as well as anything indie, bizarre, or interesting. You can usually pick up mainstream flicks there too, and the staff is helpful if you don’t know what you want. I’d recommend getting a student membership at the beginning of the year to maximize your student budget — it’s much

RESOURCES GLOW glow.uwaterloo.ca POLICE SERVICES (519) 888-4567 extension 22222 KITCHENER POLICE (519) 653-7700 PEER SUPPORT LINE (519) 888-4569 DISTRESS LINE (519) 745-1166 CRISIS LINE (519) 744-1813 PUBLIC HEALTH CLINIC (519) 883-2251

MORE: www.sexualityandu.ca www.ok2bme.ca www.youthline.ca

Y IT

CHRISTY OGLEY & EDITORIAL STAFF

The definitive guide to being queer or questioning on campus

E IV

YOUR QUEER FIRST YEAR

cheaper. Ethel’s is another queerfriendly spot. There’s nothing particularly gay about it, but it’s a low-key place with good servers. They get a lot of queer folks in there and they really don’t care. Jane Bond and Starlight fall into the same category, with Starlight sometimes being called K-W’s unofficial second gay bar. And how could we forget Kitchener’s illustrious Club Renaissance, the last holdout for gaydom and drag queens in our region. The Thursday show is always entertaining, and the dancefloor is the place to get down on the weekend, with a set list of top 40 and remixes. It’s located right across from the main bus station in Kitchener. Have a good night out, but remember to make safety a priority when you’re out late at night, especially in an unfamiliar part of town - watch your drink, go with a friend, and plan your way home. Back to campus, one final thing I want to note is that there are free condoms everywhere. You can get them from Health Services, from GLOW, from Turnkey, and maybe even a few other places I don’t know about. There’s no need to go wanting in that regard. If you’ve had some risky sex, or it’s just time for your regular STI check-up, sign up for an appointment at Health Services (that building by the lake), or seek out HIV testing in the city. You can always get anonymously tested at Waterloo Region Public Health, located at 99 Regina Street. On Wednesdays, they have a walk-in clinic between 9:00 a.m. and 3:30 p.m. Otherwise, call (519) 883-2251 for more details. ACCKWA (AIDS Committee of Kitchener, Waterloo and Area) also offers free AIDS testing Thursdays between 4:00 p.m. and 7:00 p.m., at 625 King Street East. Public service announcements aside, being queer in KWcan be a whole lot of fun. You’ve probably left your parents at home, and you’ve definitely left your high school crowd. Plus there’s all that crazy intellectual enlightenment stuff. If there was ever a time to branch out, now is it — it’s university, no ones cares what you do, so you might as well do what you like while you can. “Be young, have fun, and wear a condom”, as my grandma always said. Happy first year. cogley@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

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UW: AN INTERNATIONAL STUDENT’S GUIDE KERIECE HARRIS STAFF REPORTER

ome away from home... is still not home. So you’re international. You’ve read the handbook and you have brought a few items from home to make it feel more familiar. But the truth is, it will feel so far from home, even if you live off campus in a house. This harsh reality often leads to homesickness. I’ve been there. It’s a dark place. After my second month of my first year I was calling home to get a plane ticket and was ready to pack my bags. But hopefully, by sharing my few harsh realities, you too can conquer your homesickness and make the best future possible at the University of Waterloo. First and foremost, recognize that you are in Canada. Canada is not a bigger or smaller version of your country, it is a new country. The currency here is different; the weather here is shifty at best, although they claim there are four seasons. They do not eat what you eat and they do not understand your jokes. Secondly, no matter how many restaurants you go to that claim that they cook the food from your native country, it will not taste the same as it does at home. What you’re getting is the Canadian version of your national foods. They do not have the same spices as you use back home and no one’s food will taste like your mom’s cooking. Plus, even if you plan to go to a specialty store like a West Indian grocery store, note that it is a pricey endeavour to undertake. So, the best thing to do is adapt and try out different types of food around Waterloo.

In addition, think in Canadian currency. Believe me when I say it will hurt you to calculate what various goods would cost in your country. For example, when I pick up a loaf of bread for $2.49 CAD I stopped to calculate that on a Jamaican exchange rate of $1 CAD = $80 JAD then I’d never eat bread because it doesn’t match up to the price I’m familiar with in Jamaica. So, take the time to go around and figure out the reason-

able prices in Canadian dollars and work with the budget you have. Hint: Spend wisely. Now, on a more personal level, if you didn’t see this one coming then I’m a little worried: There are cultural barriers. In other words, your view of the world is at least 90 per cent different from that of a Canadian. For example, when the Hydro went out at my sublet during the summer, the neighbourhood panicked, while

being without light for two hours was a breeze for me. I come from an area riddled by annual hurricanes leaving us without power for weeks on end. For my neighbours, two hours was too much. Understand that they won’t hold the same things dear as you do. The music you listen to, the way you dance and the way you talk will be a brand new experience for most. So recognize this and overcome it by being understanding and patient.

UW has had a lot of international students pass through its doors, including people from the places marked on this map at the WatCard office.

IMPRINT The University of Waterloo’s official student newspaper

Student Life Centre room 1116 tel: 519-888-4048 fax: 519-884-7800 www.imprint.uwaterloo.ca editor@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

GET INVOLVED!

Imprint Publications, Waterloo is looking for a Secretary to serve on its Board of Directors. The Secretary shall: be ex-officio clerk of the Board ; shall keep record of all facts and minutes of meetings ; give required meeting notice to members and directors ; be custodian of the corporate seal, books, papers, records, correspondence and documents belonging to the Corporation. Interested? Send your Letter of Intent to board@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Hint: Don’t become a doormat; if someone is ridiculing you because of your nationality or making offensive jokes about your people do not turn a blind eye. They are being ignorant, educate them. On the positive side, the beauty of the University of Waterloo’s melting pot of cultures is that you can make connections. Create a brand new support system that is not only a phone call away. The truth is, as much as you can call home to family and friends, it’s difficult for them to perceive what you’re going through and even harder to hear that their lives are moving forward without you. So join any of the many cultural clubs on campus and connect with other students with you background. Then, go one step further and join student societies, groups, and sports teams and branch out in your circle of friends as you embrace Canada. Also, volunteer in the Waterloo Region outside of school to get a true feel for your community. I know it sounds overwhelming, because it is. But you chose Waterloo for a reason. Keep that reason close to heart and focus in. Always know that the International Student Office is open to your inquiries and that you have equal access to all the resources and facilities here at the University of Waterloo. But more importantly have a good time, learn and grow. Everyday is a new day and I hope the next four/five years are filled with experiences you’ll never forget. Welcome to Canada! Welcome to UW!

1. English for Academic Success (EFAS)

EFAS is offered in Fall, Winter and Spring at Renison University College. This program offers intensive English classes for prospective students whose first language is not English. Successful completion of the advanced (400) level of the EFAS program satisfies the University of Waterloo’s English Language Requirement for undergraduate students. For more information, contact the coordinator of English for Academic Success at 519-884-4404, ext. 28639 or email: eli@rension.uwaterloo.ca. 2. English as a second language credit courses

Renison University College offers ESL credit courses in the fall, winter and spring/ summer terms for undergraduate and graduate University of Waterloo students for whom English is a second language. The course is designed to improve basic grammar and sentence structure. For more information visit http://www. renison.uwaterloo.ca/english-language/creditcourses/esl.shtml

Contact the International Recruitment and Admissions Co-ordinator – Faculty of Mathematics, University of Waterloo, Andre Jardin, 519-888-4567, ext. 36835, or the Mathematics/ELAS Co-ordinator, Judy Reidt, 519-888-4567, ext. 33246, Fax: 519-886-2958. If you don’t have time or the ability to devote yourself to an entire course, there are still other options for you to improve your English language skills during your time here at UW. 1. English conversation classes

English Conversation classes are offered each term, fall, winter, and spring for 2 hours each week. The classes focus on improving conversation skills, learning about Canadian culture, and giving country presentations. Register one month prior to the beginning of term. The cost is $55. Visit the International Student Office, Waterloo International, Needles Hall, room 1101.

Private English tutor

For individual help with your English conversation skills, you can post on bulletin board, or online places such a Craigslist or Kijiji to find a tutor from the university of the community at large. Although their credentials may not be that of tutors or teachers associated with the university, the convenience of choosing your own times and lower prices for classes might make this option more preferable. 3. English Tutor Program

You can also apply to have a University of Waterloo student or community member to

help y o u improve your languag e skills through the English Tutor Program. Registered UW international students are eligible to apply. To register, visit the International Student Office website English Tutor Program page.

Y IT

Don’t worry! There are lots of options for students like you to improve their language skills, including the following popular options:

The Faculty of Mathematics offers a language enrichment program, English Language for Academic Studies (ELAS) in conjunction with Conestoga College’s General Arts and Science Language Option. The program is designed for first-year undergraduate mathematics students who fit the following description: having a first language other than English; having English skills that are below the standard required by the Faculty of Mathematics for admission. You must have a strong background in mathematics and have met all of the other admission criteria required by the faculty.

If you are among the many international or many students here at the university who counts English as their second language, there is a chance you may be struggling or self conscious as a result of your capabilities speaking, writing and comprehending.

3. Math/English language for academic studies

E IV

A guide for those who feel lost in translation

LANGUAGE TOOLBOX

— With files from http://www.international. uwaterloo.ca/study_english.html

CAUTIONARY TALE Every time I spend money in Canada, my stomach churns. My cheap ass could not help converting currencies. You shouldn’t blame me, that’s the currency my budget is approved in. Terrible as I am at calculations, my brain suddenly knew to do overtime when I was grocery shopping. I looked at the price tag, multiplied by 180 to get the naira equivalent. As I strolled the stalls, my brain would cryptically remind me with matrix level efficiency: Bread: N 700; Milk: N 550; Soda: N200… Fact is the cost of a typical meal in Canada would feed my whole village and some. So on this fateful day, I revolted at the corporate oppression of arbitrary pricing. I had just picked a few essentials from the stalls of a drug-mart store (I swear they were essentials, otherwise I wouldn’t touch them. I am stingy like that.) The clerk was about to swipe the items through

and dictate to me a price as is the custom. As she swiped though the last item and prepared her vocal chords to sing me her extortionary song, I cut her short. “Please can you bring the items back, I want to see something.” I said with my sweetest smile in tow. “Sure” with a puzzled look on her face. I picked out the deodorant from the bag, “How much is this?” Things were beginning to get weird but there was no stopping for me. “Let me check… $3.72” she said in her cheeriest voice with a fake smile. My fatal response “Kai. It’s too expensive. Can I pay $2?” One thing led to another and I was showing the police my student ID. The next day, I found the dollar store. — E. Aboyeji

SKETCH FACTOR: A DIVE BAR CHECKLIST

ou may find yourself at an establishment where you question it’s validity, integrity and valor. A gentleman or lady of your calibre has no business in such a place. The question remains, how can you judge the so called ‘Sketch Factor” of such a place before it is too late.

IS THERE A MIRROR IN THE BATHROOM?

DO YOU GET SEARCHED UPON ENTRY?

ARE PEOPLE THROWING UP IN OR AROUND THE ESTABLISHMENT?

Chances are that if they suspect you have some sort of weapon you are trying to smuggle in, that somebody inside probably DID smuggle one in.

There should be a magic moment of maturity in your own life when you no longer think that makes a place cool.

WILL THEY LET YOU TAKE PICTURES ON THE INSIDE?

WHEN FINISHING A DRINK, IS IT ACCEPTABLE TO THROW YOUR CONTAINER ON THE FLOOR?

What could be so top secret about a bar that they wouldn’t want photographic devices inside the bar? Does the stripper come out later? DO THEY POUR YOUR BEER INTO A PLASTIC CUP?

There is something fundamentally wrong with an establishment when they can no longer trust their patrons not to break and hurt one another with beer bottles. they do get points for thinking about safety though

Freshening up is a process that typically involves seeing yourself in the mirror at some point. It is almost worse to see that a bar has a polishes piece of metal in lieu of a traditional mirror.

Generally you are supposed to treat places you go out to better than you would treat your own home — you are a guest after all. If you are doing this at your own home, you probably belong in the dive bar. ARE PEOPLE PAYING FOR THEIR DRINKS WITH CURRENCY SMALLER THAN LOONIES?

Whats worse is that the bar tender probably isn;t even expecting a tip at a place like this.

IS THERE A NEVER ENDING PARADE OF PEOPLE GETTING KICKED OUT?

If the security guard keeps catching people doing whatever it is wrong, obviously there is a group of people who think that whatever it is they are doing is OK.

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, congratulations, you are in a dive bar! Your first instinct should be to find the nearest exit — but if you lasted this long, that means that you probably liked it.

©2009 ERNST & YOUNG LLP. =jfkl Qgmf_ j]^]jk lg Y _dgZYd gj_YfarYlagf g^ e]eZ]j Õjek g^ Ernst & Young Global Limited, each of which is a separate legal entity. =jfkl Qgmf_ DDH ak Y [da]fl%k]jnaf_ e]eZ]j Õje dg[Yl]\ af ;YfY\Y&

Day one and you’re in control You have plans. Places you want to go. At Ernst & Young, we get that. That’s why we give you room to explore. Hands-on experience in assurance, tax, transaction or advisory services. Exciting new industries. And global opportunities. You’re in charge of your career and where it’s headed. And we can’t wait to be part of it.

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SCHOOL OF OPTOMETRY

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UW’s Satellite Campuses

SATELITES

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SCHOOL OF ARCHITECTURE

Courtesy Chris Hughes / Imprint Archives

SCHOOL OF PHARMACY

The University of Waterloo operates several satellite campuses in Ontario and internationally. The three pictured: the School of Optometry in Waterloo; the School of Architecture in Cambridge; and the School of Pharmacy in Kitchener are among the closest to main campus.Currently there is a School of Drama breaking ground in Stratford, a new satellite campus opened in Dubai, and a campus in China slated to open eventually.

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BEST AND WORST BATHROOMS ON CAMPUS

ere’s something you might not have realized: there’s a chance you’re going to be using entirely public toilets for the next year. For those in a residence like REV or V1, it’s a certainty. You will miss the comfort of a nice, private bathroom. Well, we can’t guarantee you the quality poops of home, but we can get you close. Introducing:

THE BEST BASEMENT, CEIT

In terms of privacy, comfort and reliability, this bathroom is an old standby. You can’t find bathrooms like this many places; secluded, quiet, clean and tidy. I can honestly say I’ve never encountered another living soul while I’ve been visiting here — just the way I like it.

It’s like they could have maybe fit two or three toilets in there, but restrictions for the handycapped only allowed them to install one. The result is one of the most luxurious public privies on campus. Quiet, secluded, with its own lock on the door. What more can you ask for in a bathroom outside of your own home?

For everything the tenth floor of DP is famous for in naughtiness, the basement floor makes up for in respectability and quiet dignity. It may not be the best bathroom in the world, but fate landed him right in the middle of a quiet reading room, and damn him if he’s going to let one single toot escape his doorway. Now there is a bathroom with a certain air of nobility, a real class act.

FIFTH FLOOR, CEIT

Not to favour CEIT too much, but this is one of the most peaceful bathrooms on campus. Did you even know that CEIT had a fifth floor? Exactly. Nobody has any reason to be up there except grad students with offices in the vicinity. And grad students, friends, know to wash up after themselves. SIXTH FLOOR, MATH BUILDING

FLAMINGO ROOM, SCH

This bathroom, I think, is meant only to be used during banquets, but I find it to be one of the most comfortable spots to do my business, mainly because it is so far removed from the main hallways and corridors that you feel almost as if you are pooping at home.

Not quite as good as the washroom on the fifth floor of CEIT, but the same principle applies. This floor is for the grad students. These people have their bachelors degree already, so they know how to flush. Important: if you must use a washroom in the MC, go to the sixth floor. The building has elevators for a reason.

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MAIN FLOOR, ARTS LECTURE HALL

SECOND FLOOR, ST JEROME’S

This bathroom is far too high traffic for my liking, plus the strange angle of the room lets you see outside while you pee — that is just strange.

The one by the library. I don’t even understand why this bathroom even has a stall — this was obviously first designed for single use, I think the urinal was just tacked on later. The urinal is abnormally close to the sink, making two people using the bathroom at the same time awkward enough, but it doesn’t help that the stall inside this tiny room hides no sound or identity. Final verdict: failure.

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Dana, your reputation preceeds you. I wouldn’t use in this bathroom if you paid me. Legend has it that the ghosts of every illicit hook-up that has ever gone down there still haunts one of the stalls.

THE BOMBSHELTER

The one by the CIBC machine. This bathroom has everything you don’t want: one of those weird fun house mirrors that distorts your reflection (not on purpose), a handicapped stall like the Taj Mahal that is consistently clogged with god knows what, and a high likelihood that you will have to make awkward bathroom conversation after bumping into somebody you know there.

Most of the time the Bombshelter washrooms aren’t that bad. Not great, but not the worst. However, the Bomber washrooms earn their spot on this list for the sad state they’re in on Wednesday nights. Oh boy. After half-pastdrunk, good luck finding any paper towel with which to dry your hands. And one of the three (non-matching!) urinals will probably be out of order. It’s not pretty. You’re better off actually leaving the bar, using a washroom somewhere else in the SLC, and coming back.

THIRD FLOOR, MATH BUILDING

HALF THE WASHROOMS IN ENGINEERING

It’s always busy, making the washroom sub-optimal. But more importantly, there’s the stench. Even though it’s one of the most frequented bathrooms on campus, it’s probably the least flushed. Ewwwwww.

Some buildings in science have “staff ” washrooms, but it mostly just means you’re supposed to treat them with respect. They’re not locked, and there’s a non-staff washroom nearby. But in Engineering, they actually lock the “staff ” washrooms. And there are no regular washrooms near the staff ones! If one washroom is out of order, it means you might have to walk the entire length of the building to take a piss. Weak.

MAIN FLOOR, SLC

ANYTHING IN HAGEY HALL

It’s like a claustrophobic’s nightmare.

TIPS: HOW TO DE-STRESS R

ight now you are in the throes of Frosh week, barely even looking at a book. Hell, you probably aren’t even reading this right now. You’re thinking: “midterms are eons away, what could they possibly want with me? There is no way I’m going to freak out, I’ve never sweated over a quiz in my life.” “There is no way mid-terms will get ME down.” Well I have news for you, pansy, its your kind that always break first. Sure you’re a little more nervous than everyone else in your class, nervous a little too early, convinced you don’t understand any of the course material. When everyone else picks up a book for the first time you are already convinced that you’ve been over it a thousand times, it makes no sense and that there is no feasible way you could absorb that’s much knowledge in such a short period of time. A couple weeks before the midterm you just stop showing up for class because you are convinced they are so far ahead of you that you will never catch up. Yep, its you sad saps who think they won’t sweat a thing who always end up being the first to break. Luckily for you, as a Frosh, you get to build upon the years and year of experience before you. You think you will be the first person to stress out at UW? Think again. When it comes to de-stressing there are a few easy rules to follow. YELL AT SOMEONE YOU LOVE

Although it sounds like it won’t accomplish much, yelling at someone you love (a boyfriend, brother, parent) just gives you a free excuse to be mad and blame them for things they couldn’t possibly have done. They know its not their fault, and deep down, you also know its not their fault, so all they are really doing is giving you a bulls-eye to vent your stress at. Once you come back to your senses you can always apologize, and, because they are it in for the long haul, they will forgive you for pointlessly screaming at them.

BREAK SOMETHING

Have an old MP3 player that doesn’t work right any more? Smash it! Don’t care much for that flower vase? Chuck it! If you are stressed and pissed, and there is no one around to stop you, just throw something down to break it — it will make you feel better. There is something very primal that happens when you get mad and you just want to break something. Don’t hold yourself back, just make sure its inexpensive, dollar store crap anyway. GO FOR A RUN

If you run hard enough and fast enough you literally will have no ability to be stressed any more. Between the endorphins in your brain and the ache in your muscles, you’ll be stuck on non-stress for a while. Alternatively, you can channel all of your stress energy into one heck of a workout at the gym. Angry, stressed out sex is also another viable possibility in this situation

When midterms get you down, how can you beat your blues?

GET A SQUEEZE BALL

If you are feeling especially stressed at any one point in time you have the option of beating the shit out of a small ball that can’t fight back. This is counted in a similar vein to yelling at your loved ones. Don’t lose sight of things like making a reasonable escape plan from your black hole of stress — map out what you need to learn and by when. Count along each day. The more charts you make marking your progress, the better you will feel once you realized you’ve achieved your goals. Just squeezing the ball, or running, or breaking things, or yelling at someone you love isn’t going to help you get out of the stressful spot, no matter how much fun these things might be; the best way to de-stress is to identify the root cause of the stress and to tackle it, head on.

Welcome Back Students! New Menu Launched!

Come make some memories ...at Homecoming 2009!

OVER 100 FOOD ITEMS TO CHOOSE FROM!

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Interested in volunteering? Email homecoming@alumni.uwaterloo.ca

519-568-7566

LUNCH: 103 King St. W.

DINNER: $19.99

Sun.-Thurs. 11:30 to 3 p.m. Kitchener

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Celebrate the kaleidoscope of experiences that is Waterloo – from the flavours of the East Asian Festival to the rhythms of Pow Wow. Cheer on our Warriors football team as they take on the Windsor Lancers. Hear UW grad and Facebook VP Chamath Palihapitiya (BASc ‘99) speak, and much, much more…

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There’s no place like Homecoming.

homecoming.uwaterloo.ca Saturday, September 26, 2009

CAMPUS UNDER CONSTRUCTION

Things are just getting started The new Nanotech building being erected beside the Student Life Centre on the former BH has caused some disruption in the day to day lives of those on campus. With rolling cement trucks and cranes flying every which way, making your way to Tim Hortons for your pick-me-up coffee has never been more difficult. Nanotech students can look forward to a brand new building soon,

with an elevated walk way leading into MC so that engineers and math literally never have to walk outside. Someday the endless noise and inconvenience of the construction will end, but that day is not coming anytime soon. Enjoy yet another season of construction here at the University or Waterloo, with construction on east campus just starting up.

Now Hiring Student Fundraisers!

Joint Co-op Info Session

$9.50/hr $8.50/hrto to start start

Calling all co-op students! Come out to the Accelerator Centre, grab some pizza, meet tech companies, and learn about co-op job opportunities!

If you are a good Communicator, Enthusiastic and Dependable, then we want to talk to you!

Wednesday September 23rd 5:30-7:30pm

Work on Campus Flexible hours Raises Every 20 Shifts A Fun Team Environment

Please apply in person at the Office of Development in South Campus Hall. Please include a cover letter, resume,class schedule and three references. Questions: Ghzala Khan ext.36067 gkhan@uwaterloo.ca

IMPRINT

FROSH

ISSUE Friday, September 4, 2009 Student Life Centre, Room 1116 University of Waterloo Waterloo, Ontario N2L 3G1 P: 519.888.4048 F: 519.884.7800 http://imprint.uwaterloo.ca Frosh Editor, Travis Myers tmyers@imprint.uwaterloo.ca EIC, Michael L. Davenport editor@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Advertising & Production Manager, Laurie Tigert-Dumas ads@imprint.uwaterloo.ca General Manager, Catherine Bolger cbolger@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Sales Assisstant, Stefan Kovacevic Systems Admin., vacant Distribution, Sherif Soliman Distribution, Garrett Saunders Volunteer co-ordinator, Angela Gaetano Board of Directors board@imprint.uwaterloo.ca President, Sherif Soliman president@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Vice-president, Anya Lomako vp@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Treasurer, Lu Jiang treasurer@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Secretary, vacant secretary@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Staff liaison, Caitlin McIntyre liaison@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Imprint is the official student newspaper of the University of Waterloo. It is an editorially independent newspaper published by Imprint Publications, Waterloo, a corporation without share capital. Imprint is a member of the Ontario Community Newspaper Association (OCNA). Editorial submissions may be considered for publication in any edition of Imprint. Imprint may also reproduce the material commercially in any format or medium as part of the newspaper database, Web site or any other product derived from the newspaper. Those submitting editorial content, including articles, letters, photos and graphics, will grant Imprint first publication rights of their submitted material, and as such, agree not to submit the same work to any other publication or group until such time as the material has been distributed in an issue of Imprint, or Imprint declares their intent not to publish the material. The full text of this agreement is available upon request. Imprint does not guarantee to publish articles, photographs, letters or advertising. Material may not be published, at the discretion of Imprint, if that material is deemed to be libelous or in contravention with Imprint’s policies with reference to our code of ethics and journalistic standards. Imprint is published every Friday during fall and winter terms, and every second Friday during the spring term. Imprint reserves the right to screen, edit andrefuseadvertising.Onecopypercustomer.Imprint ISSN 0706-7380. Imprint CDN Pub Mail Product Sales Agreement no. 40065122.

EDITOR Travis Myers PRODUCTION STAFF E. Aboyeji Peter N. Trinh Angela Gaetano Ashley Csanady Jason Strachan Michael L. Davenport Christy Ogley Keriece Harris CONTRIBUTORS GRAPHICS TEAM Travis Myers Travis Myers Page 1, 3... Ashley Csanady Ian Cutajar Ange Gaetano Page 23 Jason Strachan Michael L. Davenport Peter N. Trinh Page 39 Peter Trinh Sonia Lee Ian Cutajar Catherine Johns-Ruta Page 4, 5, 6, 9, 22, 23, 30 Christy Ogley Sam Andrey

Resurrection College HOUSING

If you are a first year student who likes what you see and are interested in doing writing, layout, graphic design, or proofreading for Imprint, you can find out more about getting involved by sending and e-mail to Michael Davenport at editor@imprint.uwaterloo.ca, dropping by the office located on the lower level of the SLC in room 1116, or by calling

519.888.4048 during regular business hours. Imprint is always looking for writers interested in covering news, developing feature pieces, expressing opinions, and following sports, arts and science news. If this sounds like something that interests you, you can always stop by the office on Wednesday nights throughout the term to find out more.

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‡Customers on a 36-month service agreement who are also eligible University of Waterloo students will receive an additional 3 months of unlimited local calling, for a total of 4 months free unlimited local calling. *Student plan only available on a 3-year term. Valid student identification needed. ±Applicable to numbers on MY10 list. Unlimited Canadian Long Distance calling applies to calls initiated/received from your Rogers Wireless phone anywhere in Canada to/from MY10 list. Long distance, text to landline and roaming charges are extra where applicable. Only 10-digit Canadian-based phone numbers are eligible for the MY10 service. Customers’ own Rogers Wireless phone number, voice mail retrieval number and special numbers such as 1-800/1-900 are not accepted. One MY10 update per calendar month is allowed. Excludes premium messages (roaming, international, MSN alerts and promotions). Other conditions may apply, visit rogers.com/my5. †A $6.95 monthly System Access Fee (non-government fee), a monthly 911 Emergency Service Access Fee and a one-time Activation Fee apply in addition to the monthly service fee for each line in the account. Local airtime usage, long distance, roaming charges, additional service options selected are also billed monthly. Early Cancellation Fees apply. BlackBerry, RIM, Research in Motion, SureType and related trade-marks, names and logos are the property of Research in Motion Limited and are registered and/or used in the U.S. and countries around the world, used under license from Research in Motion Limited. ™Rogers and the Mobius design are trademarks of Rogers Communications Inc. used under license or of Rogers Wireless Partnership. All other brand names are trademarks of their respective owners. ©2009