ANY RESEMBLANCE OF DR. HAGEY TO UMBEiTO D. IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL
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UNIVERSITY OF WATERLOO VOL.
2
WATERLOO,
NO. 21
I
ONTARIO
THURSDAY,
"EXPRESSION '62" - A A r DECADEOF DECADENCE If and when this bunch graduates, society is going to have to take up the slack. Just judging from small character traits now, I’ve tried to project the images of several types ten years in the future to see how their environment adopts to them. The math faculty has now grown to fifty-seven members, fifty in Grad school and four retired. Wog is still bothering Dr. S; about a proof for Hedonism and Epicureanism being Synonymous. On a dark romantic beach a resonant voice keeps calling for a reform from sin and a return to the four absolute values and M.R.I. R&5 makes a quick trip to Reno because after all these years someone has told her that “the Enforcer” always wears sun-glasses. The Globe and Mail announces that Dave Smith has been added to the list of millionaires. At the same time The Coryphaeus announces that he has obtained his bachelor’s degree. Elsie Mae has decided that what radio needs is more organization, so she’s decided to put it back on its feet before getting married. George Welsh is dictating editorial policy to the CP and his motto seems to be “Let the xxxxxxxx have it where they live.” Sandy Saunders writes a Broadway Smash, called “Inside Waterloo” and has the “George Crabbe Literary Prize” wrested from her. Bill McClelland wakes up New Orleans with a form of progressive jazz called “The Spark-Gap Twist.” Bob Schatz sells a million on an old favourite called “Bo - Diddly”. The music world weathers the storm and thirteen fellow graduates get neuroses from over-exposure.
Paul Dirksen makes it big in the construction business and devotes the rest of his life to the erection of free residence facilities for Mennonite boys on campus. A convent finally accepts Mary-Beth. Terry Jones resigns as Arts President. Judy Boetger finally starts studying Engineering-in selfdefense and Shellev makes a half-hearted try at Latin. The Drama Show has a full house and the leading lady breaks her head ten minutes before curtain. Mike Durnan attends a Poli-Sci lecture and the prof thinks he’s a faculty member. Mike soon sets him straight. Paul and Jacky join a Kibbutz in the Negev desert. It’s Jackson’s idea. George Pollit and George Amos team up to corner the Canadian stock market, two weeks before the big Flash. Somebody feeds Delmar to the computer and . . . the computer gets sick. Delmar gets “REJECT” stamped on his head in indelible ink. The English department is finally moving out of the Engineering building. Joe Holden goes off his hummer and dive bombs Quebec because it’s not taking a French stand on the Algerian war. (Sure it’s still going on; De Gaulle isn’t dead yet.) Leo Johnson finds an original Mathew Arnold letter and reads it out in class. Cooky has the snow remover towed away from the parking lot because it doesn’t have a Parking Sticker. I’m still waiting for some of you sore-heads to cool off, after all guys, ten years is a hell of a long time. A. Pseudonym
BOOKSTAND SMUT ATTACKED As I stood waiting in a Waterloo drugstore the other day, while the druggist wrapped my newly purchased Dr. West toothbrush, I noticed two, young, teen-age boys inspecting one of t.he many pocket books on display. A cursory glance revealed the book’s bright orange cover. After the boys had left, I recovered this ‘book from its resting place among several similar works and, somewhat dejectedly, I read the title, Rape,Bait, on a cover exhibiting a female figure attired in lingerie only. ‘This sort of conduct is occurring every day in every city of North America. I do not question the value in this behaviour - there is none. What I do question is our glaring complacencey, our “I-don’t-give-a-damn at-
titude” toward an activity which serves only to debauch its participants. Without undue disregard for the civil liberty of freedom of the press or for the economic implications bound up in the writing and publishing livelihoods, I believe that the mental stimulation of our younger citizens merits equal consideration. I cannot conceive of any possible benefit to anyone, let alone the younger set, from reading about homosexuality, lesbianism, and promiseuity, as they are presented in the earthy pocket book. Granted, there are those who can read a pocket book of this type, recognize it for what it really is, and give up the practice. This group is to be admired for its common Cont’d. on Page R
One,Two, Three, FLUNK m H l
Dark rumours have been flitting about the campus to the effect that a group of militant type students are getting up a petition to have one of their professors ousted on the grounds of incompetence. Somebody is running something up the old flagpole and as yet, not too many people are saluting it. A can of beans is being opened somewhere out in left field and when the odour gets to home plate the dapper man in the blue business suit will call “Foul” and put the screws on someone. Going after a professor’s scalp with only a petition is like trying to kill a walrus with a B.B. gun or stopping an oversize watch that has already been wound. The prof concerned is understandably harried but the petition group claims that this is no reason for him to get his courses mixed up. Nobody gets that harried - do they? A petition is a great risk and in a matter of this gravity there is the danger that the incompetent prof will be retained and the petitioners ousted. Signing a petition is like signin; one’s own application for flunking. What*prof is going to turn the other cheek after taking a slug like a petition could give him. I’m sure he would tend to grade papers more objectively than ever . . . ha ha! From the students’ point of view, it must be frustrating to sign up for a course and get taught one of two others instead - or a combination of the whole three. Aristotle Unhinged EXCITING!’ EXCLUSIVE! ’ ‘EXPRESSION Expected
‘62’ Soon!
Peace Corpsman to Indo Chinese customs officer “Hurry up with the bags slant eyes.”
- CHALLENGE CALGARY (CUP) - It has been rumoured that administration pressure forced the Engineering Students Society (ESS) to withdraw support of a beer-drinking contest here this month. The ESS had planned to sponsor the competition, but withdrew at the last minute. Usually reliable sources declared that pressure had been applied. Moses Chirambo, a member ,of the Arts and Science faculty, defeated Engineer Bruce Chowder by downing 31 beers in an hour. Chowder only consumed 24 of the liquid.
MARCH
22,
1969
US/T BUY
-Very shortly now, there will be available for’ your purchase a campus literary magazine, Expression ‘62. The number being printed will ‘be limited to 125 copies so watch the bulletin boards for the proposed date of publication and sales. For a school of our years, such a magazine is a new and exciting undertaking - 50 pages of original material by tomorrow’s leading pens - so buy your copy and help make it a success.
CampusCentre Constructionto Start September1962 - - The new Ripley Memorial - staffed by starlets im- ’ Centre - believe it or not ported from Hollywood and is to be built during the changed every week. Also on winter and spring of 1962-63 this floor will be the Dining for occupancy in Sept., 1963. Hall and Cafeteria - each This building is to be built serving 24 hours daily, with at a cost of several million free drinks with every order dollars donated by the Dom- of $2.00 or more. There will inion Government (Good Old also be a Terrace opening off Johnny) from the sale of the dining hall for dancing, scrapped Bomarcs. The ar- etc. In the rooms next to chitects are Scored and these will be two colour TV , Morefat. With the promise lounges, a Stereo lounge and of this support from above, a small dance room with a Dr. Vagey has given the free juke box. indication that “all systems Also situated on the main are ‘GO’,” and construction floor will be the commercial will start as soon as a con- wing with a Barber shop and tractor can be found to beauty salon, a groceteria, start the building. and a sub-postoffice. The Centre will be directed On the first floor there by Mr. Alfred E. Neuman will be several Darkrooms with the aid of a highly (for those who enjoy playing trained staff of apes to run photography) along with all the food services . . . i.e., necessary meeting rooms for the food will be “never the Director, and the student touched by human hands.” Councils and Clubs - each All other services will be room supplied with its own student controlled, and will Bar and Snack Service include the services outlined (Snack Service includes b& below. lunches). In the basement, there The two top floors will be will be the usual Janitors’ devoted entirely to Guest closets etc. the Purple Room Rooms (with maid service as - fashioned after Hollyat the main desk) which wood’s Purple Onion would be rented for a nomwhich will display abstracts, inal fee. On the roof will be sell express0 and supply jazz installed a large telescope concerts. Also nearby will be (for viewing the K-W Nurses the “Foreign Movies” room Residence?) for those astronwith live performances omically minded individuals. weekly. To round out the Also there will ‘be ample basement floor will be the elevator served “parking” “Den of Iniquity” - a space on the roof. ‘Reno’ type gambling layout CCC(P) with one whole room (54’ x ‘i’i%&dvoted to one-armed (Ed. Note: Any reference . to actual events, people, On t,he main floor will be places mentioned above is the lobby and the main desk purely intentional).
AN OPEN LETTERTO THE SCIENCE ELECTORATE ’ NEXT FRIDAY, March 23, it will be your duty to vote for a president and a vice-president for the Science Society. Since the Science Society, two years old, is a relatively new organization on campus, it is of paramount importance that the executive members who are elected be fully qualified. I claim to have both the experience and the desire to fulfil1 the office of vice-president of your Science Society. Since its inception in the winter of 1960, I have taken an integral part in the formulation of Science Society policy. It was Doug Evans, (your retiring president)’ and I who drafted the original
constitution for the Science Society. For the past two years I have also held the office of treasurer of the Science Society, besides taking an active part on the committees for initiations and the Christmas Formal. At present, we have ap-’ proximately 120 students in our faculty and should expand to at least 200 by next . September. Therefore, it is my contention that various of the +articles in the Constitution should be critically examined and revised so that we will have fair representation on Council, and integrate the Science students as a result. As treasurer I became Co&d. on Page a
Tb CORYPiIAEUS I .
.’ /. Published1 by the undergraduate student body of t ;he \ University of Waterloo, under. the authorization of t ;he actin, Board of Publications. Publications Office, Annex 2, niversiw of Waterloo, Phone SH 5-0573, and SH 3-26 181 The 8 \j The opinions expressed’ herein represent the freedom of ._ _\ 1. expression of a- responsible, autonomous society. 3 , / i ,Editor-in-Chief: George Welsh Associate Editor: Ted Rushton Prpduction and Circulation: Todd Sewell ’ News Editor: Sue Nichols _ Engineering Editor: Larry Bar’kley B/ 1‘ . . Arts Editor: .Ron Hornby Sports: Lewis Taylor ’ ~. i Science Editor: Joe Mazur Photographers: Mike l&Brine,, John Bishop‘ ,’ L
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. .A ,RefZectiok
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Another academic year has almost passed and now 1we - are facing exams. Lift your head from your books for t en minutes and reflect carefully on the year just past. Wh Lat have you contributed to the University? What has t he University given you? Everyone will have a different answcer. We on the paper tend to look back at the record wi th mixed emotions: there is some feeling of accomplishmer It, a yet there, is also the nagging suggestion of failure. FIre / ,, suppose, that even for a few years to come, there will. be the feeling that ,U. of W. is watching the world go by I and this is, to be expected. We are young, but each passhw / . , year sees increased endeavour and increased sueeess in t:he variOus phases of ourlife here. The growing paius of “‘apatl apathy” are only to be expected, but in time these t , ,’ \ will pass away. /’
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‘An Open Letter ” to. the Science ’ Electorate Cont’d. I’;2\ !.
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atiquainted with the various needs - both present. and future i facing the Science Society. We have managed to have a small surplus in both years of operation, but I believe that if the Council is made aware of the possible results of following a , strict, budget, we might be able to saveenough money to outfit, for instance, a Science Council office. There is another fa&t ‘that you, as voters, should know. Not only are you electing a vice-president for the Science Society, but you ‘are also choosing a voting representa’ tive on Students ’ Council, since, ‘under our Constitution, the vice-president is seated on Students Council.. As vioe-presidential candidate, it is impossible for me to formulate an official platform, sincte this is the privil-*ege of the persons running * for the preside&y* However, if elected, I will be willing to listen to all suggestions off ered . by you, , the electorate, and to give them the utmost consideration possible. It is my desire to serve you, both as Science vice-president and as the Science representative to Students Council. Should my opponent win; I will still be available to help in whatever capacity ‘the elected Council . deems fit. In the hope that you will mark your ballot in my\, favour. ’ - ’ Horst F. Wohlgemut i!lar& 17,1962
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““TAKE IT, ‘OR &iAVEIT” ‘5,3 By G. WHIZ : 5 I : n climbing ever higher, the crows cawing and the
3oodstand Smut Cont’d. ’ Attacked
slense. Others can read copy atfter copy with little or no melting snow mean just one-thing to the citizens Flulling at the moral fibre. mother nature is finally cleaning off<their 1IYhis group- is also to be cLongratulated, not -for its ** * * r eading habits, but for its About two weeks ago, reports from Tasmania told of an unyielding convictions. But unidentified creature on a beach. It was .20 feet long, 15’ feet here are many readers, and wide and 7 feet high, covered with fur, impervious to fire, ’ suspect that many’ of the and has flesh like. crab meat. The only really interesting roung teen-age readers tend piece of news in. many moons and we hear very little about o fall mainly into this group, it. I hope it was genuine and not a publicity stunt for a crho experience a sensual new Japanese monster movie. How about those Japanese? ratification from reading Every monster they bring, out, Rodan, Godzilla, etc., causes uch “literature.” This is the appalling destruction panic. Who do they think they are beginning of a major prob- kidding? All these’weird creations are just (another way of em. Once this habit develops saying “Look what, that dirty old atomic bomb did.‘! nto a more overt form of * *, * * lissolute behaviour, society ’ Gianeing through Exchunge (a new and exciting .magazine ) 3 faced with the “erring of contemporary Canadian thought and expression which c hild.” needs 6000 subscribers if it is to survive) I saw a few The solution is simple. examples of modern poetry. Like modern -painting, these I Jet’s throw off our robe of poems are different. Each selection has a message . -. . which omplacency, -burn all- these ‘only the author claims he knows and he usually shows an zwd pocket books, and send esoteric reluctance to divulge it. Simple syllogism: .modern i heir lascivious writers pack- poetry is a new art form and “new art form” is a euphemism for “no Italent” therefore, need I say \ more? w ’ , M. Spillane ‘* * * * ’ ..J 1Were it not for the humane invitation to supper I .t received last Sunday night, 1~feel I could have broken a personal record last weekend, 72 hours on one loaf and one (small) jar of sandwi&spread. The only parallel I can think of is Laurel Creek trying to turn a large turbine. I derive a great deal of satisfaction from the starving student image ‘. but every time I step on the scales I seem to / be shattering the image into smaller pieces:
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LOST ~ Introduction to Psychology All Notes Enclosed Call Desperate 742-222: or leave at ‘Bookstore \ CXPRESSION
‘62’ u. of W.‘s 1 Literary’ Magazil On sale within 3 weeks . in the main lobby.
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I wrote a dramatic monologue for the literary magazine but the editorial boaSrd turned it doti on the gounds that it lacked taste. But the Coryphaeus editor, who is basically a good Joe, is allowing me to print it. Here it is: I -\ JOAN AT THE STAKE (A dramatic monologue bg G. Whiz) *Grant me this last request j Ere I perish From the earth . . . give me a cigarette. * ** * Bon chance on the exams people - hope to see you next year. /
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