NOTMtNG VOL.
4 NO. 4
SPECIAL . UNIVERSITY
. OF WATERLOO,
ONTARIO
MONTREAL GAME .c l
70 Waterloo
spectators
ALDRIDGE Star
Of
saw this game in Montreal
. . .
-
the game
n
l
m
Although the Waterloo Warriors lost at Loyola, the fans’ were treated to some spectacular football by Waterloo team captain Dick Aldridge. Everyone agreed - coach Totzke, fellow teammates, opponents, and especially the fans - that Dick played an outstanding game. Offensively, Dick Aldridge played halfback and quarterback, His dodging and weaving around and through Loyola tackles accounted for Waterloo’s only touchdown and also brought the team into scoring position several more times. Defensively, Dick was always in there covering his man. In fact, Dick Aldridge played almost the entire game. On one run, when he was tackled near the line of scrimmage, Dick carried the one tackler and two others until he gained the ten yards necessary for the first down. On other plays Dick galloped for over 25 yds. This player is going to be breaking through that RMC liLle for some long when the Warriors gains tomorrow, take on Royal Military College this Friday at 8 p.m. in Seagram Stadium.
INTRAMURAL SPORTS - _
1
STUDENT5 OUT
IT
TQ BATTLE
Intramural Director, Pat Galasso, already has his program well underway with the completion of the golf and tennis tournaments. Results of the golf tournament cannot be posted as yet, because some students have been entering under their faculty instead of their intramural unit, and the winners’ units must be checked out before points can be assigned. New this year is the Intramural Notice Board, in the passageway on the south edge of the gym. Entries, with name and intramural unit, can be made in writing there, or by phone to the Athletic Office. The extensive schedule for this year includes a track and field meet, to be held next Tuesday, October 15; a swim meet to be held at the Kitchener YMCA on November 12; and a bowling tournament to take place at the Waterloo Bowling Lanes. Badminton, volleyball, and table tennis tournaments are scheduled for later in the year, and hockey and basketball schedules are being drawn up. This year there will be no limit on the number of teams each unit can enter in hockey and basketball, so the schedules cannot be drawn up until it is known how many teams will be competing. The Athletic Department this year planned to set up a Student Advisory Committee which would , advise them on the intramural program desired by the student body. This committee is to be made up of members from each ‘of the six intramural units St. Paul’s, St. Jerome’s, Renison, Arts, Science, and Engineering - but only St. Jerome’s Wally Nozak has responded so far. In general, though, we can look forward to a varied, interesting, and expanding program of: intramural sports from the Athletic - Department thls year.
WOMEN’S SPORTS Because of the small number of female students before this year, there was very little activity in women’s sports. But this year things are looking up. As Carl Totzke says, “The time is ripe for the formation of a women’s athletic association.” Depending on the interest shown, there will be a meeting in the future. Most of the sports scheduled for this year are intramural. Residents of the colleges will compete with those living off-campus in bowling, badminton, volleyball, basketball, archery, curling and table tennis. Bowling will start on Tuesday, January 21 at the Waterloo Bowling Lanes, from 5 to 7 p.m. Thursday night is womens night at the Seagram Gymnasium. This fall there is very little happening. Today at 4 p.m., a women’s tennis tournament is being held at the Waterloo Park tennis courts. November 12, at 7 p.m., there is a men and women’s swim meet. For further information, the Intramural Handbook is a good reference. FABLE II by the Esso Bee-maker of Imperial honey One day two little boys came riding down University Avenue on their tricycles towards that strange collection of buildings near the end of the street. They just got over the railway tracks when they were stopped at Checkpoint Charlie. In a very gruff voice he asked, “Where is your sticker?” “Gee, mister,” one of the boys said, “I haven’t got a sticker but will you let us by if we give you some of our candy?” “You can’t bribe me,” he shouted as he shooed them away. ‘Moral: Candy is dandy, but a sticker is quicker. ‘Mat”
l
Fumbles, interceptions and penalties defeated the Waterloo Warriors on Saturday afternoon in Montreal. There to capitalize on Waterloo’s mistakes were the Loyola Warriors. Although they lost, Waterloo played one of their best games in two seasons. They featured a strong running attack and a brick-wall defense. They picked up more first downs than Loyola; they gained more yards than Loyola; but they lost 20-7. Taking the ball after the opening kickoff, Terry Cooke directed the team into Loyola territory with handoffs to halfbacks Bob Benedetti, Dick Aldridge, and Jock Tindale; but a fumble stopped this first Warrior drive. The defensive unit charged onto the field and held the Loyola team to no gain. Neither team made much gain during the next few plays, but Waterloo received their first and only break of the game when Benedetti booted a long punt and Reg Cressman threw a jarring tackles into the Loyola player to cause a fumble, and a Waterloo recovery. Then, Dick Aldridge took over, lining up at half, he made a fantastic catch with three Loyola defenders around him. Then Aldridge ran up the middle to the 25yard line. Finally he picked his way along the right side for 25 yards and the Waterloo touchdown. Dave Sutton failed to make the convert, and so Waterloo took an early 6-O lead on Loyola. With Mike Kostin unable to move Loyola, Bernie Young took over near the end of the first quarter. In the second quarter, Waterloo defense stayed strong, but penalties gave Loyola several first downs. Finally Waterloo’s offense showed its capability with Cooke sending Bene-
gletti on a 25yard pass, and run play down to the Loyola 27-yard line. Here, once again, a Waterloo fumble gave the ball to Loyola. Young began to move the Loyola Warriors with a passing attack, hitting the three ‘Loyola standouts: Paul St. George, Emile Hanzelka, and John Barrand. Aided by Waterloo penalties, they soon found themselves on the Waterloo six-yard line. On first down the Waterloo line held; on second down, the Loyola receiver dropped the ball in the end zone; however, gambling on the third down, Young completed a pass to Barrand. With a good convert kick, the score became Loyola 7, Waterloo 6. Glen Grosse made a terrific run back from the kickoff, but Waterloo was unable to get past its own 49 yard line. Waterloo penalties enabled Loyola to keep the ball and allowed Young to pass to Hanzelka for 55 yards and a touchdown. The convert was blocked, but the score now was 13-6 for Loyola. The tally remained the same at the end of the first half. During half time, the 70-odd Waterloo fans gathered together at the south end of the field for a Waterloo pep rally. Banjo-strumming John Hammond led the merry group in the many school cheers. The pathway onto the field was lined with Watecloo fans, and as the Warriors returned to the field, they were greeted with cheers of enthusiasm. However, the Loyola team now realized that the main weakness of Waterloo was pass defense; so immediately on getting the ball in the third quarter, Young passed to St. George for another t.d. When the convert was good, the score stood at Loyola 20, Waterloo 6. But the Waterloo Warriors appeared to rally and a pass play from Cooke to Pinder took the ball from the Waterloo 341yard line down to the Loyola g-yard line. Benedetti car-
THURSDAY,
OCT. 18, 1963
ried down to the 1% yard-line. On two attempts, the Warriors failed to score from there, but a few plays later, Benedetti boomed a kick’ into the end zone for a single point. The score was then 20-7. In the fourth quarter, ‘Aldridge moved to quarterback. Starting from his own 42-yard line, he moved the team down‘ to the Loyola 34-yard line, where Waterloo gambled and lost - on a third-down try for 10 yards. However, Waterloos strong defensive unit, led by standout Pete Messner, threw the Loyola team back to their own 17-yard line. Loyola was forced to kick, and Waterloo took over on Loyola’s 49-yard line. On the first play, Aldridge made a spectacular 47-yard keeper play and the Waterloo Warriors had first and ten on the Loyola 2-yard line. An untimely fumble dismissed all hope in Waterloo fans of another touchdown. The score remained 20-7 for Loyola at the end of the game. Although the score does not indicate it, each member of the Waterloo team played a fine game. Moreover, the star of the entire game was Watl erloo captain, Dick Aldridge, who played almost the whole game. Dick went both ways, but he impressed this writer with his tremendous offensive runs. The defensive unit was constantly breaking through the Loyola line to throw Young, the quarterback, for a loss. Two Warrior men, Lou Makrigaini, and Bob Sheppard, suffered possible concussions. This victory for the Loyola Warriors makes it their second in as many starts. In their ilrst game, they defeated Royal Military College 221 14. On Friday, RMC visits Waterloo. If the Warriors play as well at home as they did away (without the untimely errors) there is no doubt whatever that Waterloo will handily defeat RMC. /
pa$e
The CORYPHAEUS,
P
THURSDAY,
OCT. lo, 1963 \
Editor: Dave Clark Managing Editor: John Conlin News Editor: Nelson Ball Sports Editors: Doug Grenkie, Brian Olafson Photography Editor: Gerry Mueller Advertising Editor: Jim Carrotheis Fine Arts Editor: AI? Anderson C.U.P. Editor: Tom Rankin Board of Publications Chairman: Murray French Circulation: Richard Rowe
Layout: David Dolman, Terry Fleming, Michael Ed. wards, ,John Hammond, Jim Nagel Photo@aphy: K& Brown, Pierre .GagnB,, Joe Kovacs, Erwin Mako, George Newton, Allan Price Sports: Bill Moffat, Barry Houser News Dept.: Gisela Dorrance, Vic Botari, Hennie Smid, Graham Farquhar, Dave Campbell, Patricia Cul’d, Dave Grafstein, John MacDonald Illustrations: Marian Harwood Contributing yriters: George welsh, Jim Neivman, Fran Humphrey. Published by the Undergracuate student body of the University of ‘Waterloo and its affiliated Colleges under the authorization of the Board of Publications. Letters should be addressed to the Editor, University of Waterloo. Phone 7453911. The opinions expressed represent the freedom of expression of a responsible, autonomous society.
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Member:
EDITORIAL. -
‘What
do you
- “Oh, anyway? -
think
your
opinion
Brodeur?”
- “I think hat Mr. going to print this? “Why
do you
of Claude
Brodeur
think
Brodeur?”
is a very
that
clever
l man
. . . Say, are you
he’s so clever?”
- “Mr. Brodeur has taken the job of Administrative Assistant, Student Affairs and developed it into a position of real esteem. I think that he keeps aloof of most of the students so that the faculty will respect his judgments. Of course since I’m on the students council I get to see, him in action. He works behind the scenes mostly.” -
“Do
-
“Clod
you fell that CIaude
Brodeur
is doing
a good
job?”
who?”
- “Claude ant, Student
Brodeur, Affairs.”
you know,
-
“I can administer
my own
-
‘Will
your
you
express
Brodeur, affairs
opinion
the Administrative
Assist-
thanks.” of Claude
Brodeur.”
- “You’re damn right I will, and I can tell you right now that it’s a bad one. What’s a director of student affairs for anyway? Should he be just a shadow that works away behind the scenes through the student council, or should he be a personable, understanding guy that we can go and talk over our problems with. I’m a freshman and believe me, after hearing his speech during our orientation he’s the last guy I’d go and talk to. What an idealist. If you ask me he has no grasp of student opinion. How can a man like this think himself capable of solving the student’s problems if he doesn’t even come close enough\ to us to understand our feelings. He probably thinks his buddies on student council can give him this appreciation . . . somebody should enlighten him.” -
“How
does
- “Anyone has deserves -
“Are
-
“Yes.”
-
‘What
Claude
Brodeur
strike
you?”
who can pick as nice a looking a lotta credit . . .”
you
babe for secretary
-
“Could
as he
in Engineering?”
do you
thiiik
of Cladue
Brodeur?”
- “Pretty good, he hasn’t really had a chance to get rolling already he’s got the student affairs office running smoothly. you and me I think that he got our medical centre going.” you make
some
remarks
about
Claude
yet, and Between
“DO you know
Claude
-
“I am Claude
Brodeur.”
CurlingClub I SI An election was held to fill the positions of Secretary and President. This proved to be a mere fohality since John Scott was re-elected as President and Cynthia Chapgel red-
tained the acclamation.
position
of secretary
by
Arrangement‘\ have already been made for 8 sheets of ice Tuesday and Thursday nights /from 4:30 to 6:00 p.m. at the K-W Granite Club. On October 15 and 17 there will be practice sessions and instruction for those who wish to participate. League curling will start the following ‘week. Anyone who missed the meeting but wishes to curl is invited to go down to the Granite Club (Agnes and Park Sts., Kitchener) either practice night and sign up.
Press
l
Editor
George
Newton
reports
. .
Where was your reporter on Sunday? If he had b een at the Student’s Council meeting he would have been able to report that the Council realized things could be improved and set proceedings in motion to appoint a speaker for future meetings. If you intend to send a reporter to the Council’s meetings in the ‘future, please send someone interested in reporting the facts. All I can say is that your reporter must have slept through the two hours on Wednesday night when the President’s Report was being presented, for during these two worthless hours such trivial items as representation, financing, appointments, dates for social events, and many other items pertinent to campus life were discussed. Also if he had been awake he would have reported that the Rotary Club’s raffie tickets, which by the way are for a good cause, could be picked up at the Student Centre. I would also like to know how he could report on what transpired after midnight as he went home around then, or maybe you plan to base your newspaper on hearsay? I was glad to see “Take It or Leave It” back again, keep up the good work George. I also commend the editor on a very readable paper, it is great to have an Engineer running things again. It brings back nostalgic memories of the Enginews. George
Brodeur?”
One week last Tuesday, an organizatiobal meeting of the Curling Club was held. Attendance at this meeting was truly overwhelming with 54 students present. To the delight of the male members there were even 9 GIRLS present. If this support continues throughout the year, the Curling Club cannot help but become one of the University’s most active.
Mr.
Brodeur?”
- “Yes. Primarily, I think the director of student affairs should act as a liason between the staff and the students. He must know both points of view, and keep them constantly in mind. In other words I think the director of student affairs should be simply a member of the faculty with the affairs of the students at heart. A lot, of people feel that he should be everybody’s pal, and this is a fairly good argument, but what permanent good is anyone who just goes around consoling individuals. We need action at the administrative level. It seems that Mr. Brodeur realizes this, and in my opinion he’s doing just fine. He’s sort of a professional representative of the students! -
University
letters to the Editor . .
I don’t know we hardly get to see him, where’s his office You’d think he’d mix with the students a little . . .”
‘What’s
-
of Claude
Canadian
Newton,
Eng. IV.
-eDear
Mr.
Editor
Whoever wrote that piece entitled, “Warriors For ‘63 is wasting his time writing for a small university paper. He is my candidate for the Governor General’s prize for fiction. Were the article not on the front page I would probably enjoy it as I would any clever piece of satire. But in that the article is prominently on the front page I have no recourse but to believe than the author of such schmaltzy tripe is either a fool or a football player. On second thought, why make the distinction? Incredulously
yours,
Bill Nitchie,
FABLE
Arts I.
IV
On one cold and snowy day a young couple sat together in the musty atmosphere of the coffee shop. After several cups of luke warm coffee she put her hand in his and said softly, “Darling, I hope you really love me, because something didn’t arrive on time this month.” “Mat” El-al: There’s a conception to every .
‘In days of old when knights
Tra
I I
to
. . .’
YOI
Naturally, the scholars of this institution are being so apathetic as not to want to go to FLQ-land to see the Warriors warring until Friday, but CNR is being deeked into renting us a portable bar on Thursday. So I am packing my LCBO 400 proof mead in its Michaelbottles into a dirty old bag along with a few pairs of dirty old pairs of socks and I am hieing me to Victoria and Weber. Needless to say, the CNR timetable is accurate so we are boarding the train only twenty-five minutes late to the clank of cowbells and glasses. We are having a private car to ourselves, no less, so we are keeping as quiet as church mice for at least fourteen seconds after setting up our tavern. This moment of peace is necessary out of deference to the sleeping car in our front and some people pilgrimming in ‘the rear. Soon someone is yelling out “Hooray”, someone else is asking a pilgrim for a church-key, and we are singing the school song of which there isn’t any. After several moments of gurgling sounds on the part of the cheerers, we are settling down to the twang of guitars and of well-oiled larynges which are not ceasing until we are within ten miles of Le Be1 Etat and even then it is becoming deafening. Everything on the train is beginning to sound like tinkling: chicks’ laughter is tinkling, glasses are tinkling, Engineers are tinkling and the sneezer door is beginning to seem like someone has lost the key. Soon, it is becoming very warm in the liquid lounge even though I qrn actually measuiing the temperature as ninety Fahrenheits. So a few of the weaker souls are deciding to put back the fluid heater-upper into its original containers but since this is, even in steadier times, difficult to say the very least, many paper towels are being consumed in transporting much of the resultant mixture to the exterior of the travelling pub. “We can, we can, we can, we can demolish forty beers” is the favorite song which the folk are singing, but it is not these troubadours who are doing the demolishing but who are being demolished by a number of beers considerably less than forty. Wearying of the sport of inbibing, all but a few hardy souls are retiring, some unwittingly, some belligerently, to the eider-down beds, double in size and therefore in fun, which CNR has kindly provided for us. Few peopie are using the bed-convenience for sleeping, however; most are keeping awake despite the efforts of an inebriate to blow out the light bulbs. 1x1 this latter endeavour, the inebriate is hampered by the efforts of the conductor, Foot-on-the-ground Finque, but the strongest breath is prevailing and a very picturesque, but dimly lit scene is the result. Sliding up and down the lubricated floors, several singers are singing songs of which many are requiring the use of, more ,than paper towels to keep them san‘itary. Finally, even the sickies are awakening and everyone is stumbling into Central Station to meet the colour party of out-term Engineering-types who are making a superhuman effort in order to extricate themselves from
their caves and meet us at the eight ayem arrival time. We are checking our bags to the admiring glances of the local citizenry and are adjourning to the feeding spots to solidify the contents of our stomachs. Of course, we are making the mistake of parading to the bus lines which lead indirectly to the campus of the opposition. Sightseeing is much fun, but four hours of touring Loyola’s immense campus are taking their toll, and a common room is quickly becoming the U of W Campus Centre. After a while we are finding our way to the pasture which they call a stadium and are watching the Warriors of our side losing to the Warriors of their side, the latter of whose cheering section is considerably less vocal, they not having been on excursion. We are somehow finding our way to the station at midnight and are quietly and calmly falling asleep which state of almost undisturbed bliss is ending only when the Vestibule Singers are using the remaining portions of their voices to awaken the returnees who are numbering some two less in number than arivees which does not seem to disturb too many constitutions. We are removing our cheering paraphenalia to home, are muttering “To hell with chauei” and are sleeping, sleeping, sleeping to the detriment of tomorrow’s test. dreaming all the while sweet drea& of the trip to Carleton. I am chalking up much of the trip as a loss because I am losing sleep, my voice, my church-key, my colours, my two friends, and my hitherto-untainted respect for the liquid capacity of Engineers. We are also losing the game, the future use of the CNR, our baggage checks, and part of our sanity, dubious to begin with. We are, however, gaining the respect of Montreal’s finest, a knqwledge of bawdy songs, and the stern admonition of Conductor Foot-on-the-ground Finque to whom, of course, this story is by no means dedicated. Demon Rumyon
The CORYPHAEUS,
THURSDAY,
Page 3
OCT. 10, 1963
by G. WHIZ While walking to the parking lot last week with a friend, we chanced to look in the excavation *for the new sewer near the Arts building. As one who inspects sewer installations in the summer, my companion’s face contorted in an agonized expression of disbelief. “Criminal negligence !” he screamed loudly for a hard hat that would enable him to take a closerlook. The hat was not immediately forthcoming but I had heard enough to question him further. Apparently the sewer pipes are completely without bedding of any kind and on top they are unsanded and untamped. “So what?” many of you will say. But I’m sure there are others on campus who are well aware of the results of this cheap shoddy workmanship. With any settling of the ground the pipe will crack ,and the result will be costly subterrancan leakage. It is usually not my fashion to wax so serious but the situation, as I see it, is completely without humour and calls for either an immediate investigation or a satisfactory explanation. Now, whose can of beans is this??? * * * * All the tenants in our building are singing “What shall we do with the drunken landlord?”
the same theme
song,
* * * * Did you happen to notice that every morning last week there were two members of the local constabulary on guard at the Arts driveway to enforce parking regulations? What a waste of the tax dollar (euphemism for, ,“‘What the - - - - do we need town cops on campus for?“) But all this is by the way. What I want to say is this: one of the policemen was a “cop” in every derogatory sense you care to imply; a dull humourless individual who parades the assumption that everyone is guilty of something. He struck me as the type who would always be on the losing side when it came to a war of wits. The other policeman was different. One morning we roared past him up the driveway. He jumped out of his cruiser and motioned violently for us to come back. We did so - reluctantly. “I’m glad you did that” he drawled, “I thought for a minute there I’d have to shoot your tires out.” Two policemen, one commands respect through humour and the other commands nothing but instant dislike. Perhaps this point riors ‘63” in article. The funerals and
* * >k * a word about the football team might be in order at “PHOOEY! ! !” The best that can be said about “Warlast week’s paper ‘is that it was an extremely ill-timed writer must be the kind of person who tells jokes at so forth.
HOMECOMING WEEK-END COMING-UP ! I ! The gala-event of the fall semester is but a month away. The weekend of November 8th and 9th will see Waterloo welcome back its alumni in a manner never witnessed before! HOMECOMING WEEKEND will be of special interest this year as not only do the Warriors meet the College Hawks in the ball game Saturday afternoon, but also the students of the University of Waterloo have challenged the College in a float parade up King St. Saturday morning. The theme of the parade is “Great Moments in History” and the winning faculties (prizes will be awarded in more than one area) will receive monetary prizes. Any faculty, college, club, or group is eligible to put a float in the parade. Two dances will mark the evening activities on Friday and Saturday. Seagram’s Gym will be the site of the Friday evening social and Saturday will be highlighted by the social event of the weekend, a semi-formal at Bingeman Park Lodge where we will dance to the music of Benny Louis. Naturally a lot of work will be necessary to make Homecoming ‘63 the success it should be. Those wishing to help on a dance committee are asked to contact Doug MacPherson, Science II, and those who desire information about entering a float in Saturday’s big parade should see Barry Houser (SH 3-7478 or office of Student Affairs).
THE PROBLEM OF OUR CREST
* * * 1)c# Do you like our little lake with its calm surface, the border of trees and its contemplative atmosphere? I always thought it rather romantic until last week when the first of some very disturbing reports began trickling in. The shores of the lake, which I assume were designed for mooning lovers and scholar gypsies, are disconcertingly covered with concentrations of duck dung - not to mention the disorderly little heaps of goose droppings. Suppose then, a couple does find an unfertile patch of earth, their problems are far from over. “Honey’:, she whispers softly, “I think you’re a - - - QUACK This article is directed mainly to QUACK QUACK! The magic of the moment is gone forever. ’ the committee (pg. 3 1 of the school “Be still my sweet. Y&u have something in your eye. Let me handbook) considering whether dr not take a kleenex and - - - HONK HONK! Perhaps I am overstating the to include supporters (animals, laurel case. The ducks and geese have to live too. The question is, how long? branches etc.) in the complete achievement of the coat-of-arms of this uni* * * * versity. It will, I think, be read with There are two very interesting movies which should be coming interest by any sentimental student of to the twin cities in the near future if they have not already arrived: this university, who is proud of his “Women of The World” and “Mondo Cane”. I have yet. to see association with it, and bears its crest -the latter. on his or her attire. “Women” is a fascinating movie all the way from the bored I have no idea how long the aforelooking negro in a Los Angeles falsie factory to the Bedouin women said committee has been considering smearing their faces with camel dung. There are European complexion factories which promise a new complexion and the process is whether or not to include supporters: not to mention a crest at the top of simple; just have your old facial skin burned off chemically and in the shield! I do know that the crest six weeks the new skin will have grown in. Meantime the women lying on these beds look far more. revolting than anything out of a as it is now, except for the white background of the motto, has been orade C horror movie. I began to feel smug, safe and secure in the in existence for at least two years. gormalcy of my own culture until it was destroyed by the flashing neon sign of a marriage mill and the tragic lines of people outside a Isn’t this long enough to decide such a small issue? I think it is! divorce court. The reaction throughout the entire movie is one of an incredulous, “This, this barbarism in 1963”. Incidentally, the other Perhaps it is hard to decide on a movie “Mondo Cane” which means “Lousy World” puts “Women” suitable animal (or animals) for the in the Saturday matinee category. Brutal, sadistic, vile - any word supporters. If this is the problem facfits, but both of these pictures, if nothing else, are extremely ing “the committee’ they might ask interesting. the student body for suggestions! At * * * * From The Life of George Crabbe we read that, “In December 1783, after an engagement of some twenty three years George was finally married to “Whatshername, as he affectionately called his wife, in the village church at Aldeborough. In the words of an eyewitness, ‘It were beautiful it were, they looked just like their new cottage; she was all painted up and he was plaste.der’.”
FINE ARTS
l
l
l
The Glee Club Mr. Bauer, music director, was very pleased -with the large turnout at the first meeting of the Glee Club, at which more than forty students accented Mr. Bauer’s invitation to ‘try but your vocal chords’. However, m&e voices would be welcome, especially in the soprano, tenor and alto ranges. Plans for the first stage of the School Song competition are now completed. A $50 prize will be awarded to the writer of the best lyrics for a University School Song to be submitted to Mr. Bauer in his office in
A-207. This contest is open to all students, staff and faculty. Indian
Crafts
Display
Now on display in the Engineering Library is an exhibition of Northwest Indian Arts and Crafts prepared for the University by the Department of Northern Affairs and Natural Resources. The collection, gathered together between 1879 and 1937, includes such items as wooden masks, medicine charms, bowls, rattles, a bird, a doll, and a number of implements and tools carved from bone or wood. The total collection is evaluated at about $4,000, with individual specimens ranging from $15 to $240.
any rate I want my crest for my blazer, as do numerous other students. The particular crest I have in mind cost twelve dollars when I last asked its price! Now who wants to spepd twelve bucks on a crest that may become a thing of past days at the University of Waterloo in the near future? I know I don’t. This also applies to the cheaper crests of which the majority of the students have at least one, and frequently two. Those students that agree with my complaint; and I feel there are many besides those I have talked to; should start to beef. It helps it really does! Perhaps our “Committee” can complete the “achievement of our coat-of-arms, and other problems of the university crest, by Christmas?! Therefore, I say, “start beefing that is discussing”! It gave us our medical centre last school year; perhaps we will have a crest this school year.
Office
of Student
Affairs
C. C. Brodeur The Office of Student Affairs( established less than a year ago, is temporarily located in Annex 1, the Campus Centre. Student Affairs covers such areas as student government, student publications, student clubs and organizations, student health services, student discipline, student counselling of a non-academic nature, student-f acuity and student-administrative relations. In general, the office staff exthe area of student extracurricular tends administrative assistance in programming. The Campus Centre, under the management of a Pro Tern Board of Directors of 9 students, 3 faculty, 3 staff, and 1 alumnus, contains office and meeting space for student and student-faculty clubs and organizations, including secretarial and clerical services. Student mail, student booking of University facilities, financial accounts and publicity for student clubs and organizations, and University health services are handled through the Centre. Student organizations on campus multiplied rapidly in number and scheduled activities in the past year, with 33 student clubs and organizatiomas at last count. The role of tbe Ofice of Student Affairs is to coordinate student activities ou campus and to integrate them as much as possible into the academic framework of the University, to supply students with clerical services, to advise in program planning when requested, and to maintain a central office for
purposes of records, information, and publicity. Noteworthy student organizations new on campus in 1963 are the International Students Association, the Debating Union, and the Students’ Wives Club. The International Students Association, open to overseas students, Canadian students, and faculty, aims to promote the interests of overseas students on campus. The Debating Union has already participated in three public debates at the University of -Rochester, McGill, and Bsgoode Hall Law School. The Students’ Wives Club organizes social, cultural, and athletic programs the year round for wives of undergraduate and graduate students. I am confident that past student initiative and achievement will challenge this year’s student body to aim at an extracurricular program that parallels the University’s academic excellence. At least, this is an earnest hope.
cross canada telescope by
tom
rankin
Scotch, in the liquid sense, has long been a topic of discussion at Technical Sessions etc., but now it is the subject of an academic study. F. J. Barnett, a lecturer in Economics at the Waterloo Lutheran University has received a Canada Council Grant of $2,000 to attend Cambridge University in order to study the effect of the export of Scotch Whiskey on the economic development of Scotland. Perhaps $2,00 would.be better spent on the purchase of Scotch than on a study of same. Those of you who have fought your way down University Ave., against the bitter cold Winter winds no doubt are dreading the passing of this lovely Fall weather. At the University of Victoria, a car pool is being organized by the Student Council to alleviate this problem. Not only does this plan supply transportation for those of us who have to rely on Shank’s Pony, but it also cuts down on operation costs for those who drive to school alone. A similar plan would be a boon to Waterloo students. Please take note Student Council Reps. At O.A.C., four students are planning an excursion into the business of entertainment in the form of a coffee house. Professionals in the folk and jazz fields will be headlined on Friday and Saturday nights along with any college talent forthcoming. On Thursday nights, the club will be an intellectuals haven as controversial discussions and guest speakers will be the order of business. In order to encourage student interest -and participation, stocks in the enterprise are being sold for $5.00 a share. The problem of a lack of top notch professors for Summer Courses was solved in one case at the University of Western Ontario. A six week course in Economics was taped at the local television studio and shown via closed circuit on five monitors for the 75 students taking this course. The programmes were supplemented by discussion periods led by an economics instructor. After an article in the Ubyssey concerning improper advances made to girls on lonely stretches of beach on the University of British Columbia campus, some male students have organized an escort service. Young female nature lovers, who wish to stroll the beaches, have simply to contact the service in order to have two strong young males escort her on her wanderings. I am inclined to believe that these boys have ulterior motives; I can’t think of a better way to get acquainted with the pretty co-eds on campus. FABLE
IX
One day a young man walked into the bookstore looking very innocent, but when he felt, the time was right he walked up to the cash register. He handed the lady behind the counter a note which read, “You’ve been robbing people long enough - now
it’s my turn. Hand over the cash.” Holding firm to bookstore policy, she took her time about reading the message and then very calmly gave the culprit a quick left to the jaw and he was out cold. Moral: Crime waits for pro plan. “Mat”
---.. The CORYPHAEUS,
THURSDAY, )
OCT. 16 $963
TECHNICAL SESSION This year’s engineering technical session was held on October 3rd at Bingeman Park Lodge. It appears to have been a success because nearly everyone enjoyed himself and the cost of damage repairs, born by the engineering society, tiill be abnormally low. Glass break-: age showed a decided in&ease from last year’s total, although near
STAG:
the end of the evening, there was ‘a strong attempt to equal last year’s mark. A trend seems to have developed whereby the rate of breaking bottles varies inversely as the time remaining, in which to break them. Apparently many other avenues of destruction were overlooked. A large, flimsy, rather tempting false door and 3,000 square feet ,of burlap drapery remained unnoticed, unharmed. Casualties were light with the exception ’ pf the person who fell froni the piano. All in all, a relatively peaceful atmosphere prevailed mainly due to a high aggregate of. maturity and, in part perhaps, to a chap affectionately referred to as “Tiny the Bouncer” who is 6’5” with a vast mid-section and who seemed to provide a retarding influence. Only one person was asked to leave and unfortunately be refused. He first touched the ground somewhere in the yicinity of the diving board. Generally, the mere fact that we were able to return to Bingeman Park spe,aks well for the evening.
NATCH’
TEC’HNIC~L SESSON I After a long, difficult journey along a dark, winding road, I finally afrived at the Bingeman Park Lodge. Getting there at about 8:15 p.m., I walked in to espy several groups of engineers clustered about tables, playing cards, and drinking beer. Their attire varied from sweatshirts and sneakers to sportsjackets and white shirts “sans” ties: (Profuse supplies of potato chips go very well with copious .amounts of beer, I have discovered). The evening proceeds admirably in a rather jovial strain, and towards ten’ o’clock singing has erupted; followin& the consumption of much beer. It’s George Neivton’s birthday so everyone pitches in with “Happv
Birthdas” in bis honour. which is very n&e, I think. (I hat& ‘to’ sound like a louse, but I’m the only one who’s singing in tune). Such is the mood until the time for the great contention to ‘get under way . . . It’s time for the boat race!!! Team 4A comes through first with a good time of 31.8 seconds. Next is 2B which comes close with 32.3 seconds. Now is 2A which does it in 33.6 seconds. 4A’s good time is due greatly t6. the fact that it’s anchor man, George Newton; downed both of his glasses in three seconds. Bringing up the rear is team 1A which just manages 37.5 seconds.
The focal point of the session was the boat rqce, captured this Iyear by 3the open throats df the Class of ‘64. These were the chaps who, steeped in experience. and trained by their able coach, consumed .the Greatest /
a
Now a big sing-along. has begun and everybody is in high spirits. I , wish someone else besides me would sing in tune. ” Someone has just begun to serve the food while we chant a quaint ditty, the name of which and the theme of which, I will refrain from mentioning. Thi,s is ‘pretty good food but I wish that it didn’t look so fuzzy! It is presently 1l:OO p.m.’ and beer bottles and glass& are being smashed right and left - it almost seems like some of the fellows have, been drinking; in fact, some guys are so drunk that I can hardly see them. It’s gel+ng ‘pretty wild in here, so I had better sign off . . . !
amount of fluid in the shortest time. With adhesion to the rules of the game, ten glasses were consumed in the neighbourhood of 3 1.5 seconds. However, nothing less must be said about the other teams whose fine efforts kept them well in contention. From these teams came such stars as whose speed seemed re“Harvey” stricted only by the limitations of gravity. On noticing the enthusiasm and competitive spirit in which this contest was staged, it is the opinion of this reporter that boat racing is fast becoming one of the nation’s most popular, indoor, spectator sports. Its future prospect is promising and limited only by the imagination. It could grow to such proportions as to include leagues, substitutions, and cheerleaders. The tradition should be well preserved at future technical sessions. The only rather ~disappointing feature of the evening was the decided absence of faculty members. It is hoped that next year their interest will be increased. In short, the evening was a success, due primarily to proper planning and execution and credit must be given to this year’s Engineering Society. G. Farquar, Eng. IV.
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This column’ is being 1written this week for the purpose of clear*.1r, . ;.:’ ing up. some of the rumors and misconceptions regarding the, parking ’ . , 1 situation on campus ‘with the hope that someone will ,be. prodded . I . ’ * into action. .’i * . /’ +. For those of you that ,aren’t ziwme of the recent restriction, it is: .I . There will ,be no, student parking on any parking lot other than lot F ‘off University Ave., and the gravel lot at Seagram’s Stadium. Now I’ ,,. . \ _’ ’ this *regulation has .obviously been imposed for the benefit of the ’ , faculty and staff and, as I am sure you’re aware, has ‘invoked scores .. of complaints from the students. This new restriction is to%remain in d. force’until someone comes up with a better’ solution, so students don’t just~omplain, do something! Before, however, you tear off to Richard Rowe, Circulation Manager Art Anderson, Fine’ the President’s of&e with a#fool-proof solution, let me tell you the . . .Arts. Ed@or constituents of. the problem. The circulation of this newspaper <The job of the ‘Fine Arts ‘editor of The University of Waterloo Administration has a principle reis the final link in a long chain of The Coryphaeus is dto keep the stugarding traffic on campus which governs their policies on, among jobs which, combined, bring the cam: ’ dent body of. the Univehsity well inother thmgs, parking of cars. This principle essentially is that there pus news to the student body. For this formed in the Arts. be Sanabsolute minimum amount of traffic on campus. The reasons reason, and only for fhis reason, is Of prime concern then will be the underlying this’ principle are basically: (a) traffic and corresponding the job of circulation manager an impublicity of the coming attractions to traffic jams create an unpleasant atmosphere from the oint of view portant, yet simple link. It is by no the Theatre of the Arts, for not;only ‘of academic environment; (b) Direction and control of such traffic means a prestige position. ’ has the Department -of the University would require. a poliqe force, three to four times its present size, and Extension done an .extremely fine job Papers will be distributed to the still, according to administration, the problem would be great. A of arranging first rate performances following location by 2:PO pm., prime example of. where this has happened is the University of British (including the Canadian Players, FesThursday. afternoons: the Chemistry Columbia where. they. are famous for traffic jams on campus. For tival Singers, Gerald Moore, and the . these same reasons, there are no through roads on campus and there foycrj the Engineering foyer,’ the Physits foyer, the Arts foyer, the two . .Barbini Orchestra) *but also .plans at apparently never will be. least two student productions;’ the’ ‘first campus cafeterias and the three colIt was originally intended that there *be no undergraduate parkbeing Gilbert and S&van comic leges. Do not expect the distribution ing on *campus whatsoever. .Allowing such parking would eventually sponsored by, the of the paper to be punctual: we are ‘operetta f‘Patience”8 , lead to huge parking lots on campus and because students would be Renison College Operatic Society. students too! coming and going at all hours of the day, the campus would soon j. , .~ . look like a huge supermarket. It is the feeling of the University that events which lie within the In my own small way, I serve the . Other _ , this atmosphere does not lend itself to the university community and University through this job, just; as scope (of the Fine Arts include the.‘art should be avoided at all costs. shows in the Theatre Gallery; 5arts, I know, many of you must serve it / The University of Waterloo’ claims to be not responsible for stuin your own way. I hope that ‘I can ’ and crafts exhibits like the one now, dents’ access to the campus and therefore does not feel obligated to on display in the Science and Endo my position justice. supply the facilities to cope with student traffic. Their feeling is essen_ Richard Rowe. * gineering library, musical attractions tially: We don’t care how the. students get here, whether by foot, bus, ‘and the film series. ’
.
I.
\
John Conlin,
Managing
Editor
The title of Managing Editor may sound pretty impressive but actually --he has one of the easiest jobs of all those on The Coryphaeus staff. I He insures that. each writer submits the article ‘assigned to him in time for the paper to be assembled before going to’ press. Due to the organizational genius of the editor-in-chief and the interested co-operation of most of the contributing writers, there is very little to do. It is ‘not that I am trying to get out of work but this is the way a paper should ‘operate and I sincerely hope it will continue this way in the future. The managing editor asks anyone who is not already on the staff but who has some pet peeve to, get off his chest, a humorous story to tell or anything that he thinks may be interesting to read, to bring it into the office with his signature attached. If the editor-in-chief got out of the right side of bed that morning it will probably be published in the next issue. John Conliu
..
Gerry Brian
Olafson,
Sports
Editor
Editors of sports for this year’s Coryphaeus are Brian Olafson and Doug Grenkie. Neither of us is experienced, and so we are asking cooperation and patience with regard to our department. We, want to give full coverage to all sports on ‘campus. This will include all university team sports, intramural spurts between the various faculties and colleges, and all sporting clubs on campus. If anyone is interested in starting any new sporting clubs we will be glad to help in any way possible. If you are interested in writing up any sport event on campus,please contact the editors in The Coryphaeus office. Brian Olafson.
Mueller,
Photography
Editor
The photography department’ this year has had ‘an excellent beginning. We have a large.staff of photographers, some’ very experienced, some not so experienced. We have good quality cameras at our disposal, and a well equipped darkroom. All of our negative developing is being done off’ campus, and all our printing on campus. Alan Price, our darkroom man, has ’ The Coryphaeus is interested in been doing an excellent job with publicizing not only’ the Fine Arts these prints, particularly since he has attractions, but all campus events. not had that much experience. However, it should be noted, that in We are sending photographers to as many of the campus functions as order to give a complete coverage, the newspaper needs at least three possible, however if you have any pictures that you feel we would be weeks notice. Art And,erson. interested in, just drop them by at The CORYPHAEUS office, I ’ I would like to draw your attention to the bulletin board outside the news office. Any pictures that we have In simple cases, where one obvious printed but are not planning to pubright way is opposed to one obvious lish will be on display there, along wrong way, it is often wiser to choose with the published ones . . . Need- ’ the wrong way right off. This is one less to say we will welcome new talstep ahead of choosing the right way, ent vigorously. which turns out to be a wrong way, Gerry Mueller. which has to become a right way.
All the latest equipment, excellent training program makes sports parachuting and most widely enjoyed Tom
Rankin,
CUP.
Editor
C.U.P. stands for Canadian University Press, a national organization which acts as liason among the campus newspapers across Canada. It is the job of the C.U.P. Editor, through the facilities of C.U.P. and university newspapers, to present a comprehensive picture of activities at other universities. The information sifted from these sources is contained in the article Cross Canada Telescope which appears weekly. This column will ‘try to follow the precedent ,set by last year’s CUP. editor, Richard Comber, of a fine readable column.
The process of ,‘(acquainting” the readers with the coming’ fine arts attractions. will be twofold. ’ Firstly, ‘a general aimouncement of where, when and’ how much. *Secondly, where *pas‘sible, ‘material articles ’ will be published ‘about the ‘event with the dual purposes of arousing ,‘interest in it and providing’ sufhcient knowledge to the reader so that’ he will he able to more fully appreciate and therefore enjoy more completely these events. For example, next week, in view of (the fact that the Canadian Players are bring- ing their first two productions to ‘the Theatre of the Arts on October’ 21 and 22, The Coryphaeus will include an’ Mkie on each, play being presented and one on the use of the apron-type stage ’ in drama, its advantages and disadvantages. The authors of these articles are members of the faculty and student body, well qualified to discuss their subjects.
combined with and modern the safest sport in Ontario,
an aircraft .
TRIANGLE SPORT s PARACHUTING CENTRE ‘Ontario’s Outlook \ W&et-loo-Wellington
roper skates, bycycle or car. but if they do drive, where they park is theu problem., By supplying two gravel lots administration feels they
r The University of Waterloo has expanded at a far greater rate than was anticipated. Also the peryentage of students that would be driving was underestimated.z The result is, of course, no place to park. (b) Lack of responsibility on the part of the university. It’s fine to say “No traffic on campus .” It’s fine to say “We’re not responsible for, student parking,” but surely administration ‘can’t turn them back and ignore the problem knowing full well that it exists. If the University feels they are not able to handle the problem, at least corrective measures should be taken to prevent further su&h circumstances. By 1970 the enrollment here is expected to reach 7,000. Imagine what the problem will be like then. The fact that there will be living quarters on campus for up to 4,000 students, who won’t need cars to get to classes doesn’t rule out the fact’that probably they will still have cars and will still have no place to park them. This, then, is the state of affairs that now exists. The excuse that this type of problem, exists everywhere today in our society why not here, does not in my op.inion, justify their ‘lack of action: are doing more than is required by them. To me this attitude
What
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ENGINEERING SOCIETY NEWS A regular meeting of the Engineering Society was held on Wednesday, October 2 at 500 p.m., in room El 11. ’ .At this meeting the following appointments were made: Art Dawson of 2B Electrical to the ‘position of secretary. . ’ Bill Hosack of 2B Civil to the position of voting representative for year 2B. ’ * Irwin Quick of 2B Electrical to the position of 2nd vice pres. Dave Wilson, vice president of the Engineering Society, informed the meeting that tentative plans for the Engineering Weekend, ,to \ be held October 18-19, have been made. At present the Weekend is to consist of a hayride and masquerade dance on the Friday evening, Go-Cart races Saturday morning, a football game Saturday afternoon, and a semi-formal dance at Leisure Lodge Saturday evening. Watch for the publicity concerning. this Weekend. Ted Cambridge, President of the Engineering Society, announced that the Society would be expected to enter one or two floats in the University’s Home Coming parade which will take place on Saturday, November 9th. After a brief discussion, it was decided that two floats ‘will be “Great Moments in History”. It. must be pointed out that the building of these floats will require support from all the engineering students. Tom Rymer has been appointed co-ordinator for the building of the floats. If we support him we can be assured that our entries will be worthy representation of our Society. Watch for Tom, listen to his plan, and then volunteer a couple of hours of your time for the building of our floats. COMING! to the THEATRE OF THE ARTS CANADIAN PLAYERS present . . . King Henry IV, Part I Enemy of the People -
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JOIN THE APATHY CLUB
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In the last throes of recovering from the lack of sleep encountered on the Montreal trip, this writer now has the job of remembering at least some of the exciting occurrences in the three residences during the past week. The question is, what has happened that she can possibly know about since she was on the way to, through, or from Montreal for a great part of the time? However, a red-hot news tip arrived from the hallowed haiis of Saint Paul’s. It seems that they have now progressed to the second round of a college-wide chess tournament. This doesn’t sound like particularly strenuous activity in the physical sense, but the social tempo is bound to pick up when a student government is formally elected in November. Another intellectual pastime, that of bridge-playing, seems to be firmly established as the favourite on-campus student amusement, but in Renison, ping-pong is gaining prominence. However, judgement will not be passed herein as to which is the more constructive sport, but just watch out for the ping-pong ba . . . ! Certainly less dangerous, if not more downright constructive, are the plans afoot for the election of the Benison house council and, too, the float to be entered in the Homecoming parade; not to mention the activities of the Operatic Society. In the forthcoming weeks, the residences will resound to the pounding of the gavel, miscelianeous banging, sawing and hammering, and musical selections more or less on key. These will be among the main reasons for a mass exit ,of the students to an atmosphere more conducive to study - like the Arts cafeteria, the lake, or even the Kent, FABLE V In atonement for their gift last Christmas of a pig to the faculty of Science, the same generous group of people decided to make them a gift of a horse. Being rather sick of pig patties, the men and women of Science immediately set about cdoking their horse behind the Department of Buildings and Grounds. As they danced and sang, they failed to notice that there was a south-east
wind blowing. Their attention was called to the-fact, however, when a gentleman stuck his head out of a third floor window in the Physics Building. They were immediately blinded by the glare of the sun on his tie. “You will all fail,” he called to them.
BRIDGE CLUB
GOLF TEAM CHOSEN
Officers elected October 1, 1963 President - - - - Don Curran Vice-president - Horst Wohlgemut Secretary - - - - Maureen Bell Treasurer - - Doug Magnusson Tournament Director - Mel Norton Tournament Sec. - Roger Kingsley Publicity Director - Rodney Wilton Social Convenor - - Karen Scorgie First Game - Sunday, Oct. 6, 1963 1. Horst Wohlgemut - Paul Dirksen 2. Doug Magnusson - Leo Johnson 3. Don Curran - Doug Curran There were four tables in play.
The greenskeepers had their work cut out for them on Thursday, September 26, when thirtyseven University of Waterloo golfers mutilated Rockway Golf Course. The intramural golf tournament brought out many hopefuls for the Intercollegiate Golf Team, as well as quite a few others who preferred the links to the lecture halls.
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It will be of disinterest to anyone who doesn’t care whether or not he joins the club that the club’s colours are blue and whatever shade of magenta the member doesn’t care about. The Motto of the club will be WHO CARES? and will be written in Sanskrit, as will all club publications whenever they appear or do not appear. The use of Sanskrit is not demanded; however, since no one really cares enough to learn to read or write Sanskrit, the club will probably use this language whenever it so decides. The coat-of-arms of the Apathy Club will most likely be a shield of some sort with little else but a gnu, couchant. If any member decides that this coat of arms is not suitable he may scribble any other figures on the arms. The coat-of-arms may be changed at whatever time any interest in it is demonstrated.
The three top places were taken by freshmen - Paul Deeton (77’, Brian Boehmer (79) and Don Malcolm (79) with Frank Pinder, Allan Swartz, Jim Veitch, Brian Moritz, Harold (Dietrich and Steve Lazier all within seven strokes of the winner. The top nine golfers played another round on Monday, this time at the more difficult Westmount Golf Course, where the results determined the Intercollegiate Team. Coming through in fine style was Allan Swartz, with a one-overpar 73. Others chosen for the team were Paul Deeton, Don Malcolm and Frank Pinder, with Brian Boehmer as a spare. IN THE ROUGH: The tenth hole at Westmount was the source of many angry words, especially for Dietrich and Boehmer. Boehmer managed to play most of the hole in the rough, having the perseverence not to take the “easy way out” by yielding to a penalty. The sand was flying for Wayne Hacy and Brian Moritz, who refused to give up until they had shovelled themselves out of the bunker. The sixteenth green at Westmount was a makeshift effort, as the regular
The first meeting of the Apathy Club will, in all events, be held in Room 106 of the new Science building if it is ever completed. The meeting may not be held at seven P.M., and may not include the elections of the three or four or five officers of the club. At any rate, it is remotely possible that no meeting will ever be held because, after all, WHO CARES? D. G&stein. green was closed off for repairs to the course. To make up for the rough putting conditions, greenskeepers enlarged the hole to about nine inches in diameter. Brian Moritz took advantage of this to register his first single-putt green of the day. Jim Wells, are replacing
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EVENTS
October 11, 1963 Football - RMC vs. Waterloo Seagram Stadium, 8 p.m. Folk Song Club P-145 - 12 Noon Dance Saturday, October 12, 1963 Regatta - Toronto - Argonaut Rowing Club - 1 p.m. Sunday, October 13, 1963 Rugger - Queens vs. Waterloo Rugger Field, 2 p.m. Monday, October 14, 1963 Glee Club Arts Study Room, 630 p.m. Circle K A-216, 500 p.m. Wednesday, October 16, 1963 Rugger - Practice 4:00 - 6:Og p.m.
For all those spirited souls who have complained so vehemently about the lack of interest shown in campus activities, a new club has been formed ‘here at U. of W. The Apathy Club is designed to’ be of interest to anyone who, at some time during the school year, has said “I don’t care!” about something. The only membership qualifications for the club are that the prospective member be willing to devote himself (or not do so, if he feels so inclined) to the advancement and encouragement of apathy on campus. The Apathy Club will have as its official publication a weekly, or biweekly, or (maybe) bi-monthly newspaper or magazine the name of which will in all probability be SO! Published in the journal (whenever anyone cares enough to put it out) will be such apathy producing articles as The Composition of Pottery Found in Selected Garbage Dumps of the World, Seven Hundred Ways to Use Thread, Fourteen Hundred Ways Not to Use Thread, and other useless gems of literary mediocrity. These &icles may not appear in SO!, but Auathv Club members will not really c&e whether or not they do appear. And nobody will care about the statistics published in SO!, because they, as well, will be useless. Examples of such statistics are: The number of ripples in seventeen feet of the Grand River; the number of people who have bought two-cent red licorice-sticks at Forwell’s; and the latest statistics indicating a declining birth-rate in Canton Province of China. These statistics may or may not be correct, but, then, no one cares whether or not they ARE correct.
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