Ca
‘US
Anyone wishing a campus event placed in Miiprint is out of luck because it’s too l&e. Anyway, even if you did get it into the mailbox in time it got lost. ~-~ So f* *k off.~~
-Tuesday, Classes
December
end and there is much joy.
tomorrow and people realize that they must go and get sloshed before the joy ends. Exams
begin
CC Pub features smashing glasses and gener-
ally making a mess in the traditional end-ofterm celebrations. Dungeons and Dragons tournament in CC 140. Winner gets a free column in mathRUBBISH and a personally autographed denunciation by Doug Whatshisname.
-Wednesday,
December
Gay Lib coffeehouse,
6
8 pm in the closet next
to the games room. Learn self-defense with Wen Not-To, with a speaker from the Birth Control Centre. CC Free Movie: In Search
of a Place to Sit,
9:30 pm in the Great Hall. Meeting of the Gone Association. Learn to play this ancient Hindu game of skill, strategy and boredom. 3 am in the CC Great Hall. Mass Suicide
in Village II, 3hpm. Bring your
own noose.
Events Last day to bribe the turnkeys into breaking their policies and letting you sell stuff at ridiculous prices in the next Crafts Fair. No cheques or large bills, please. A seminar: “How to write good,” with Dr. Ken Ledenface of the Riting Clinic. 6 pm in the CC Pub.
-Friday,
December
8-
CC Pub features Johnny Rotten and the Ripoffs. Feds pay $5 after 7 pm, others pay nothing. Fed Flicks feature Close Encounters of the Undesirable Kind, a government film on the transmission of certain “social diseases.” South Campus Hall Pub with McLeans and McClown. Groove to mixed drinks made with Tang, warm beer and several flies who are expected to attend. EngSoc Dirty Jokes and Booze hour, 2 pm 8 4:30 pm in the E4 lounge. Paul “We only want to know how the students feel” Johnson will be there looking pious. Lecture: “How to write exams, and failing that, how to bribe markers.” The Federation of Students apologizes for the gross incompetence shown by the lack of timliness in the scheduling of this event.
Introductory
-Saturday, Snowball
December
Throwing:
9-
Theory and Practice
Free Beer in the CC Pub if enough engineers
is the topic of a special demonstration outside the Chevron office by two well-known campus idiots. From 2 pm until the arrival of the riot squad. ’
get together and raid the place.
Fed Flicks:
-Thursday,-
Close
Encounters
December
of the Naughty
7-
Kind,
the underground skin-flick, will be shown in a remote sector of campus. Check the washmm in the Math building for details. Nuclear Test in the Physics building. It should be an explosive experience.
cancelled due to raid by morality
squad.
Pro-Nuclear Group meeting in CC 165 at 2 pm. A demonstration of how radio-active waste can be shielded with Anti-Nuclear Groups is planned. Density of material is the prime factor.
-Sund$y,
December
IO-
Worship Service at Gonad Gabble Chapel. Sermon: Begging God for a Passing Mark How to Approach the Matter. Afternoon Service at Gonad Gabble Chapel. Sermon: the principle of leadership by a divinely-appointed authority. Sponsored by the ALA and Ronald McDonald. Turkey General Meeting, CC 110 at 2 pm. Don’t bother coming if you’re not a turkey, because the meetings are closed, secret and many earth-shattering decisions are to be made like which publications to ban this week. Campus Centre Coffeehouse, 8 pm in the CC Pub. Admission: $25 unless you’re an aging hipply. Entertainment by Larry Boredom, Sharon Hamlet and the Poor Yorick Singers. High priced health food available. No problem finding a good seat.
Hey, you! Yes, I’m talking to you. I’m secretly in love with your body; meet me in the CC Pub at 5 pm.
Psst!
-Monday, Hangover
December
ll-
pills available at the turnkey desk.
CC Pub features manager Rita Snider getting
very upset when carousing students smash glasses all over the floor and make a lot of noise.
CC Pub features taped beer and free music.
Exams commence again and you spent the weekend fooling around, you fool.
Anti-Nuclear Group meeting in CC 165 at 2 pm. The discussion will centre around stopping nuclear development without mucking up society and destroying our way of life.
This paper will be taken home to your parents and they’ll ask you if people-really spend their time putting out this crap.
Tuesday,
December
5
‘Page 8
Tuesday
Misprint
December
5,1978.
Misprint
2-
This ,is it, folks: the last refuge of sanity in a world inundated with decadence! I’m sick of it! If I see one more person stick his finger down his throat, I’ll . . .Oh no! It’s Ciaran O’Donnell with a fake news-story on drug-addiction in the University Administ-
ration,
and he’s being followed
by Nick Redding,
John Heim-
becker, Michael
Prabhakar Ragde, Randy Barkman, John W. Bast, Kelley, Lori Farnham, Don Becker, Steve Hull, Leonard Darwen, Neil Campbell, Peter Bain, Mike Torontow, H.D.L. Night, Linda Hafemann, Peter Gatis, Harry Waw, Mark McGuire, Jacob Arsenault, Jon Shaw, Palmo Venneri, Sylvia Hannigan, John Rebstock, David Anjo and a gang of roving inonstrels, all wearing togas, swallowing goldfish and doing the “Twist”! This is the end! Take me to a foreign film festival,
Misprint is editorially dependent on the Federation of Students and the UW administration, University of Waterloo, Waterloo, Ontario but feigns independence through The Journalism Club, a front organization.. It is dependent solely on federation advertising and handouts from the rich. Office space is no problem at all. We are typeset by a grab bag of anarchists and holdouts from the old new left: the Dumont Quacks. (emphasis added by the typesetters)
quick!
. . .Oscar.
Editorial trying to control the student body. Tried and acquitted. There is no evidence to indicate he was born in a manger, either. Burt Matthews is the mythical product of a bourgousie mentality. Can it be art for art’s sake when it’s not even art, for God’s sake? The Good Brothers’ aren’t. A platonic relationship is usually designed to ‘enhance the prospect of sex. Monkey! Life is too short as it is - why prolong it? Happiness exists wholly within the self. Specifically in the left toe of the right hind foot. But wear shoes, thou fool, for tonight thy soles shall be required of thee. Gelatin Lives. We have spoken. ’ Peter Aligatis
University is a petty capitalist attempt to educate people. Yet, every day we are inundated with junk. Absurd! It is a university’s pretext to. instil1 a sense of perspective, just as sexual satisfaction is a pretext for people who want to talk, at the price of a bad taste in the mouth. Therefore, as students, it is not enough to accept masses of data without question - we must do so critically. The administration’s bid to replace all the bricks on campus may well be considered a diversionary tactic. As if the medium were the massage! Of course the old man struggled. If you can’t tell Neptune from Uranus, Phys 250 is available. Any editorial hitherto appearing in the Imprint (a rival publication) shall be denounced as a blatant attempt to influence student opinion. These fruit flavoured potato chip editorials must stop! Besides, it is not a paper to be tossed lightly aside. It should be thrown with great force. He looked at his watch - it was 11 o’clock. Snow is the common denominator of all creeds. This is what it comes down to in Canada. Survival. Still, in this very same country, people are treated like criminals for merely breaking the law. Further, ravioli undermines decent society. Lump sugar is man’s greatest mortal enemy. In general, Rick Smit has been accused of
Shrouder
Y
. . . etc.
..
I would like to take advantage of your Letters section to respond, at length, to Brian Calverty’s answer (Oct. 19) to my response (Oct. 12) to his rebuttal (Sept. 28) to my Imprint article “Determinism and What I Think In Conflict” (Sept. 14). However, before I do so, I would like to comment on Richard Hove’s speech of Nov. 10. Although I wasn’t there, I once read a book written by the mother of a 19th century white explorer who once knew a freedom fighter. Therefore I feel qualified to denounce Hove and the group he represents (ZAPPA) for disobeying the bible, and not saying grace at mealtimes.6 But back to the matter at hand. In Calverty’s proposition xiii, he argues that man’s thinking processes differ from a machine’s in scale and not quality. I had intended to dismiss this point by confusing the issue with all sorts of quotes
and gibberish. However, I realize that the whole point of our lengthy dialogue was to determine the validity of each other’s propositions. Therefore, since this proposition of his is clearly more consistent with the facts, I’ll admit that his position is definately the correct one. I am at this very moment preparing a series of letters, in support of Calverty’s astute perception of reality. Dr. J. Shrouder Civil Letters
Calverty
Relents
The last two months I have spent many sleepless nights meditating on free will and determination As well, my waking hours have been devoted to preparing replies to Dr. Shrouder’s letters. By writing lengthy and tedious letters, I had hoped to win him over to my point of view. I have to admit, however, that my proposition xiii has given
of *Ethics
a) That studepts tb be sensatiotial,
journalists and spend
as possible drinking making out.
should strive as much time
in the CC Pub and
is no guarantee
that
anything
sub-
Week’s
Problems and three ripe zuc-
JzI There is no question fl { x~x4I-q x = 1) Gheff Haynes, Jeph Heynz, Dzhef Haentz,
Typical
me second thoughts on the line of reasoning over the years, issue under discussion. You I prefer to admit that Dr. may or may not remember that, ; Shrouder I is correct that huthree years ago when this de- mans possess free will. I am bate commenced, I advanced presently working on a new the claim that the human mind series of letters to elaborate on works much like a machine. \ this exciting new aspect of the Using this point, I argued from human mind. the assumption that all Brian Calverty machines are determinist in naPure Rubbish ture to the astounding concluMortgage Due sion that the human mind is as It wuz sure decent of you felwell. lahs to let me put up mah farm It was my assumption that all as clateral wen I couldn’t aferd machines are deterministic that the scripshun rate. Be pashunt, led me to disagree with Dr. I’ll get you fellahs the muny, Shrouder. However, my exI’m talkin to the bank tumorruh. periences over the years with Pleeze don’t take mah farm yit. I Waterloo’s WIDJET system pay mah dets. If you fellahs wur have convinced me that at least no mor ready to meet yur maker one machine possesses a free than I am to pay mah debts, you will. would surely all go to hell. Rather than retracting propTrusting you will do this, osition xiii, or modifying my Ephram Jacknel
Letter
Confusing introductory statement that is, really, grannatitally unsound. Some elaboration that further confuses, and, in fact, appears to have nothing to do with the first statement. A statement of intent, motivation and disgust that supposedly justifies what now appears to be a long, boring letter. Suggestion of an example that is somehow related to the topic at hand, but only superficially so. Poorly-worded explanation of how this supports the author’s case, and a subsequent remark on the propriety of this predicament in the day and age that we live in. Smug comment alluding to the author’s own innocence. Another example that supports the author’s cause, but is somehow even less convincing than the first. A parallel explication that reveals the author’s stupidity and his failure to detect the contradictions inherent A brief, in his argument.
of/the
Cahrul
Gowce A. Twit
tersely-worded series of catch-phrases that appearsto be a witticism, but unfortunately is incomprehensible. A simple statement that (finally!) clearly reveals that the author is talking through his hat, followed by a thoroughly obscure qualification. Several remarks strung together in one long sentence that tries to bring all the author’s ideas together in a final (desperate) attempt to convince the reader that this is really worthwhile, suffixed by a blatant condemnation of the (supposedly) guilty. A conclusion consisting of trite observations and mundane cliches, unwittingly calculated to resolve that this is, in fact, a long boring letter. A “clever” pun to wind UP with. Some Snothead Editor’s Note: A concise, tightly written sentence which corrects factual errors in the letter, and cleverly conceals a subtle jab at its author.
Misprint 8. Editorial
Response
to Letters
plicant
4. News
Staff meetings will be as long as possible, and represent the governing body of the paper subject to arbitrary veto by the editor. Five minutes notice is required for extraordinary actions by staff meetings, such as the summary execution of staff members
should be exercised as much as possible. An attempt will be made to make responses
who
9. Elections
News
Stories
stories
and
should
be as sensational
priority
will
5. Definition Voting
staff
of Voting members
Staff are
as
be given to in Albania Pole.
Members
defined
won’t
6. Staff
those non-students who have never done anything for the paper. Staff members living at least 100 miles away from campus will be given special status, in the form of two votes at meetings. Those wishing to be voting members shall supply the editor with a note of recommendation from the president of the University and the federation that the ap-
There
To Last
lo! “Hippopotomonstrosesquipedilian” chinis
mitted t’o the paper will be used, especially if the editor doesn’t like it.
possible,
of the Paper
Solutions
Staff should plan to attend. Room 110, 4:00 p.m.
lisher, and not themselves responsible for any libel appears in the paper.
2. Policy
in addition to being a will foul up any typist
95. Name three puzzle or trivia books whose contents have not yet been exhausted by the author of this column (hurry on this one please).
Rick Smit
stories about communist sheep and grape pickers at the South
The policy of the paper is determined by the editorial staff of the paper in consultation with Burt Matthews. 3. Acceptance of Material Submitted
94. Given a six letter word, which, good synonym for “prognostication”,
bY
b) That staff should deny, at every available opportunity, any allegations of truth or objectivity in the paper. c) That staff should realize tha; the pub-
personally, is or slander that
Dyslexia
doing better than 50 wpm.
Newswriting seminar .
s and proceedures ” 1. Code
New
93. A is putting up posters at the rate of 45 per hour. B is also putting up posters, but only at the rate of 30 per hour, since he is also tearing down A’s posters at the rate of 60 per hour. Little does B know that C and D are also putting up posters obliterating A’s posters (thus preventing B from seeing them and tearing them down) and tearing down B’s posters, both at the rate of two per hour (C and D are training to become civil servants). If A started with 800 posters at 7:OOpm and B started with 200 posters at 8:30 pm and C and C&D set up in the Math Lounge at 8:15 am the next day, what will Graphic Services’ financial statement be at the end of the current fiscal year?
as all
cause
any trouble.
Meetings
don’t
Editorial
toe the correct
line.
7. Letters Letters should be written in faded pencil, as illegibly as possible so that the letters’ editor
can change
it, and deny
responsibil-
ity afterward. Letters first-served Schroeder
get thrown
will
be printed on a first-come basis, unless your name is or Calvert, in which case they
away.
as vile
response
to letters
and slanderous
is a right
which
as possible.
Editorial responses will never be signed, SO that the editors can feel free to go nuts on the letter-writer.
Elections will be called at the whim of the editor, and held at staff meetings on at least ten minutes notice. All current executive members of the Federation of Students will be entitled to run.
10.
Autonomy
The paper is to remain autonomous of student opinion. As long as Burt Matthews likes what we print, it’s ok. e
Beats picketing
_
to oversleep
Sjs pl The Ontario Federation of Students (OFS) will stage a provincial sleep-in next month to--protest education cutbacks, a conference in Bermuda resolved last weekend. Held at the comfortable Waldorf Richpig Hotel, delegations from over 20 Ontario universities sipped cocktails, water-skied and debated the deplorable state
of university financing in the province. “Even the student unions are feeling the pinch,” said OFS propaganda officer Alan Gumdrop. He said that several institutions were unable to afford the Berconference, and muda others at the conference had to be content with beer and sunbathing rather than the usual high-priced zombies
and yaghting. The decision to call for a sleep-in was made over dinner in the Waldorf’s excfusive restaurant, “Le Richpig.” “It must have been the caviar and champagne that settled the idea,” ventured OFS fieldworker John Shortless. He said “By the time the Cognac was passed around, a feeling of blishful
Puts tools away
Johnson Paul Johnson, President of Engineering Society ‘A’, over the announced that reading weekend “Today’s Student” has brought him to accept the Lord Jesus as his personal saviour. “At first my exedutive thought I’d lost a screw somewhere. But after I shared my personal experience they joined me in embracing the Lord.” The born-again President wishes to announce there will be some changes within Engineering. “We’re agreed something must be
finds / religion
done about ‘Enginews’. The Albania jokes are’ alright, but ‘Beaver Tales’ has got to .. go.” He also believes Engineering needs a new image. “Who’s going to take seriously a bunch of guys who run about campus with an over-sized wrench.” The offending Tool, will according to present council plans, be melted down, and recast as a Crucifix. “Engineering Parades will need to take on an entirely new atmosphere,” notes Johnson. “We can’t
have students terrorizing our brothers in Arts, and creating a huge mess in the Math building for underpaid janitors to clean up. Spreading the Good Word by having Bible readings in *each building we visit is more along the lines we have in mind.” Other touches under active consideration by EngSOC Council, are serving Milk and Cookies at the Happy Hour instead of beer, and holding Revivals in the E4 Lounge at lunchtime. E.N. Gineer
Suds grid CC140 Misprint UW students will have a-new pub sooner than they ever thought possible, if federation president Rick Smit gets his way. Smit proposes that CC 140, the old home of the Chevron, be converted into a watering hole for the “It’s a much more progressive use thirsty proletariat. for the space than producing some bullshit rag like the Chevron or Misprint,” said Smit. Asked about Misprint’s need for office space, Smit said “What’s the difference? They spend most of their time in the CC Pub anyway.” Smit said that the Misprint editor can have space I’m sure he’ll be very behind the beer kegs, “where happy.” Asked for his reaction to Smit’s plan, federation vice-president Mark McGuire said it’s “Just incredible! ” When asked why he wants a pub with even more pillars than the present CC Pub, Smit replied that the new facility will increase beer consumption threefold, thus eliminating the federation’s budgetary problems with the increased profits. Smit reminded Misprint of the federation’s motto, visible on every matchbook on campus, which reads “Students Serving Booze to Students.” Lunchtime O’Booze-
aby is prez .
The report of the Canadian Union-Press Protectorate (CUPP) investigation into allegations of silliness ^ between the Chevron and the Federation of Students has recommended that Misprint _be suppressed at UW, and that its staff be banned from the CC Pub. Commission chairperson Bryan Boring told Misprint that CUPP is very concerned that students not waste their time publishing newsp’apers instead of studying. “Why not leave the business to the pros?” opined Boring, who added that “students are too busy to know what their basic interests are.“ The report demands that “no student be allowed to work on any campus publication,” and that in particular, “Misprint be condemned as a publication which misleads the student body.” Asked to elaborate on the latter demand, Boring said “The very fact that Misprint is published by students proves that its leaders are up to something devious.” Boring explained that although the terms of reference of the investigation did not involve Misprint, the commission decided to pass judgement on the paper because “the evidence regarding the Chevron and the federation was confusing, and it just ended up making our brains hurt. So we invented some stuff, about Misprint.” Boring’s fellow commissioners, Dave Daffodil of the London Totalitarian Press and Chris Vander Dozing of
thousarid dollars seeing as University president Burt Matthews formally changed how Baby is endlessly signhis name to Burt Baby late ing his name to contracts, reports, confessions and aflast week, Misprint has learned. fadavits. In an interview with Dr. The move follows the name changing of the Dean Baby, he said that it would be much better for him to of Engineering who last week switched to Borden have the new surname beDello (Bord Dello for short cause staff and students persistently call him ‘Burt he adds) from W. A. Baby.’ McLaughlin. Baby added that it was Dr. Baby said “I’m sure my popularity on campus part of the cutbacks campaign on campus. will climb to un1 Ire“M atthews is an eightcedented heights becau se I letter word whereas Baby is will be coming off my beonly four, therefore, pedestal and placing my self cause : I am reducing-my last in the same position of the name by 50% I will save on average student whicl 1 is paper and money.” vulnerable.” the Ryerson ‘O1lege EyegUniversity accountant _ Federation vice-president lass, agreed that “.it was John Kenneth Galbraith es- Mark much too difficult to reconMcMuckandMire timated that it should save commented “Just increditile the Chevron and federathe university at least ten ble...” Leonard Daring tion charges, especially
drowshiness came over the and we conferensh realished that a shleep-in demonshtrashion wouid attract many more partishipants than the usual type.” “,After all,” continued Shorty, “who wants to march around in. the rain at Queen’s Park when one can .be shnug in bed.” Shorter said “I used to be fed prez at UW, and from my experience in that job sleeping in is easy, and more importantly, popular.” The OFS conference’s last resolution, before sinking into a coma, was that member unions supply free booze and bed partners to their students, in order to encourage participation in the sleep-in. “We hope that at least 10,000 students sleep in until noon,” yawned Gumdrop. Asked what impact the sleep-in. will have on government policies, Gumdrop said that it would haveas much effect as the last OFS demonstration where a few people waved “Make the and Rich Pay! ” banners shouted slogans. ’ zzzzzz . . .
‘II
to play cc The Beatles are back together again, and the UW campus is being treated to their reunion concert. So ’ says-Federation president Rick Smit. ’ .John, Paul, George and Ringo will be performing on December 11 in the Campus Centre Pub, courtesy of the Federation of Students. “Sure, it’ll cost us a bundle,” commented Smit, “but what the hell.” Misprint contacted Denise Donlon, Entertainment Programmer for the Federation, who said, “Sure I think it’s a-good idea, but remember, it’s Rick’s fault if this thing bombs.” Smit made the arrangements with Jessie Weasel of Shady Deal Entrepreneurs Incorporated, who guaranteed the date. “Yeah, I thought it was a little strange when this guy Weasel came up and offered us the were as deal,” said Smit, “but he said his credentials good as gold, so I guess you have to believe a man if he’s got that kind of integrity.” _ When asked why the CC Pub was chosen for the site of the concert, Donlon replied that the PAC was unavailable during exams. She had hoped to have the concert in the Breslau Hotel, and run a free shuttle bus service to and from campus, but the Breslau was already booked for that date. Misprint asked Smit whether he thought the congotta look at the cert would break even: “Well,-you reality of the situation. Sure, students got exams, but then they need a break too, so I think we’ll do alright. We could make money on this. Don’t you want to see The Beatles ?” When Federation Vice-president‘ Mark McGuire was asked to comment , all he said was, “Just incredible! ” Chevron Editor Dave Carter said “I don’t talk to scab newspapers.” P.T. Barnum
conctemed
by CUPP
staff members who “had the after all that beer we drank during the commission’s audacity to solicit student opinion on the paper.” adjournments.” Boring explained that Daffodil added “We “We (CUPP) had to stop a found it much easier to precedent from make judgement after the “dangerous being set. Pretty soon, stufederation’s testimony was dents at other campuses discounted - a lot of difmight start questioning the’ ficult contradictions were use of baseball bats to settle eliminated-in a most expeargumentsat staff meetings, dient manner.” and they could even start The commission found demanding some sort of that the federation had violated the CUPP statement of input into how their papers are run;” self-interests by criticizing The commission also the Chevron for expedling
condemned the “obvious federation-Misprint complicity shown by the fact that Misprint staff are allowed into the CC Pub. The report says that “Misprint staff should no longer be allowed into the pub, and-in order to identify them and prevent their entry, some means of permanent identification should be considered, such as a tatoo emblazoned on their foreheads.” A. Reactionary
The students thought they had fixed the Red Worm once and for all, buf the.cre&ure w& only flung int6 Earth orbit by their explosives, when they blasted it last summer. Passing through the Van AIlen radiation belt, the creature mutated from its former innofensive (but ugly) self into a hideous monster bent on revenge. It’s The Return of the Red Worm, and no one is Safe!
’
News
\
.
Tuesday
Village
December
Council
Sets
5, 1978.
Misprint
4-
Curfew
Village II Council President. Gary Patten announced Monday that council had passed a 10 pm curfew on schoolnights. “Lots of first year students have 8:30’s, and council felt it was about time studies took priority here”, Patten remarked. Feedback from Village II Dons indicates students are cheerfully complying with the lightsY%ut and stereos off rules. When contacted for comment, Village I council President Ralph Erdman said, “It’s a pretty good idea, but we have no need for such a rule. Things are pretty dead here after 9 pm.”
Maggie
. Arts library The sinking rate of the’ UW Arts Library has accelerated far beyond any expetted speed. the Late last evening,, building started sinking in
.
on ‘.the decline
height by three inches per hour, and that rate has been steadily increasing. Fortunately for those Arts students still doing research, the rate of decline,
as of press time.,is about a foot an hour, steady, and the top of the building is fifteen feet under. A reporter on the “ground floor” of the building told
Misprint
that is was passing through a hard rock layer. It is impossible to tell how thick this stratum is. An inside source in the UW Administration who wishes to remain anonym-
accommodating governof Other changes will see the CKMS-FM will move its away from the harmony ment cutbacks. the building,” he opined. transmitter from high atop adoption of the new call letAsked to elaborate, ’ The relocation of the bters CBGB to reflect the -Spurt the Arts Library to the bottold Misprint that to the bottom of transition to round-thetom of Columbia Lake in transmitter “we had planned to let it clock punk rock and new early January according to the lake will not affect the sink only a couple of floors broadcast signal according station czar David Assperwave music programming, - declining enrollment in to CKMS engineer Bill changing the frequency to Arts, you know. son. But you Wireless. either 570 or 680 kilohertz The move was precipiknow how these things have “Currently, Columbia tated by an undisc!losed on the AM band to-cover up a way of accelerating.” number of art connoiseurs Lake is substantially higher super-redundant broadcasts Spurt told Misprint that than the arts library and our from scab radio stations working ’ in- Ira Needless his office had been visited signal should travel a lot (those that compete with the Hall in October 1977 when by a group of people protestFurthermore, beCKMS-FM went on the air farther. official radio statios of UW, ing the cut. cause the library is slowly for the first time. namely them) and a sequel He told them there was According to Assperson, sinking into the Waterloo to the successful radio play nothing he could do, but if substrata, our transmitter the UW personnel office “Sarah Goes To College” they wanted to help, they would be rendered useless telephoned him and comcalled “Salah Goes to Unicould “push it up your \ plained about productivity’ _in a few years.” versity.” (selves).” in Needless Hall dropping Urn O’Donkey Wireless added that they A. Bookworm to an all time low when the will be able to compensate transmitter was erected. for the somewhat -humid A Needless Hall empconditions that will surloyee who wanted to remain round the transmitter. anonymous conrirmed this “First of all we can infact, saying that the miniscrease our. power to almost cule structure takes away four million watts from the’ from the aesthetic appeal of current 50 watts. In essence the Danish Pewter Building UW Vice-president Bruce In a multi-million dollar this will turn the lake into a (Arts Library). L Gellatly explained to Misdeal made last Friday, Food giant transmitter which will In an interview with yisServices was sold to print that “At the time we print, ‘he said “I spend at have a far greater range.” McDonalds of Canada. Apw’ere. unwilling to allow Both Wireless and Assleast 60% of my working another fast-food outlet on person said that ice on the proached at the King and day staring at either female campus. The pizza and sub lake in the winter will not Columbia McDonalds Resstudents or the Arts Library joints were already underpose a problem. The four taurant, UW President Burt instead of processing million watts of power * Matthews, cutting Food Services, and who was dresthousands of OSAP appliif McDonalds were to set up should keep the water at a sed in a Ronald McDonald cations from people with shop here, they would have 210 degrees clown-suit, would only say last name of Smith, Jones, . balmy cornered-the UW market on “We did it all for you.” fahrenheit, making it a year Black, Thompson and food. round beach. . that ’ nutritional Rumours Wang.” McDonalds outlet would “We couldn’t face the The relocation of the j “From my excellent posicompetition,” he contransmitter is only one of open on campus ended with , tion in Needless Hall I can of.the King tinued, “so we had to sell many changes to occur at the construction say with a true conviction out in the end.” Gellatly deCKMS in early January. / and Columbia branch. that the transmitter takes
Doing
n. 1-1.
Comes
Home
Margaret Trudeau was tearfully re-united with her husband Pierre this past weekend. Spokesmen from the Prime Minister’s office confirm that the couple’s separation has ended. Inside sources claim Maggie has even gone so far as to resolve to stay away from the Stones benefit concert for the CNIB. She is rumoured to have remarked, “I think I can handle the Prime Minister’s Wife thing now. It’s only going to be for a few months more anyway.”
TI-360
Unveiled
’
Texas Instruments made public last week their plans for marketing their newest calculator, the 77-360. Texas Instruments representatives claim the calculator, scheduled to retail early next spring, is a natural for University students. “What you’re basically looking at is a pocket-sized IBM 360 for $79.95,” noted one. “Students with computer assignments to hand in will find that having a dedicated main-frame will greatly ease their workload.”
Hoxha
Eyes
Fed Leadership
Rick Smit’s term as Federation president expires in February and it appears progressive forces on campus have found their candidate for the upcoming election. He is none other than Enver Hoxha, enlightened ruler of socialist Albania. Commented one of his backers,,“Enver has always ruthlessly ‘consolidated his power base. Since he probably has more supporters at U of W than in all of Albania, t-his move is a natural.” Asked what he felt Hoxha’s chances were, an aide replied, “Very good. We intend to count all abstentions in our favour, so I’d think obtaining at least 65% of the vote will be no problem.”
it all for you
Services
By Martial McLuhan and Mike Montrealw
John
W. Fort&n,
What for?
Impur?
Math 2
clined to give further details of the deal. George Cohen, president of the Toronto based headoffice of McDonalds considers the purchase a major coup. “We’re going to use the UW campus as an experimental site for testing new foods and marketing techniques. Food Services is anideal model for massproduction of pop-food.” A brief period of conversion is planned for the winter holidays: starting in
January the golden arches will mark the entrance of all Food Services shops, clerks will wear “McDonald” clown-suits, and a selection of experimental foods will be available. Cohen revealed a tentative list of the 1979 test foods, which included Lardburgers, Watermelon Soup, Liver-Up (a carbonated liver extract) and something called “Brown Mound.” Ronald O’Donnell
What do you think of this week’s _ inn0 xous Campus Question?
Sargeant Shultz, Dance/Leisure Studies 1 I see nothing, I know nuth-THING!
Wee Standengaard, Child Psych 2 . . . a frequency of four or five times a week - he’s so awkward and harsh. Doctor, if he calls me frigid once more, I’m going to walk out on him!
Reg O’Toole, Eng Latin 7 How kind of you, yea verily! Can you inform me how to gain control of large quantities of hallucinogenics or of young females with large, pendulous breasts? Quo Vadis!
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UNIVERSITY RESIDENCES ROOMS FOR RENT WINTER TERM 1979 Village accommodation will be available for the Winter term comment ing January 2. The Residence fees including meals will be singles (if available) $900.00, inter-connecting $869.00 and doubles $838.00 for the term. Students wishing to apply for this accommodation may obtain ‘Residence Application Forms’ from the Housing Office, which is located in Needles Hall, or write to: University of Waterloo Housing Offices University of Waterloo Waterloo, Ontario N2L 3Gl
SPRING Village 1 single inquire at Housing
rooms Office,
TERM 1979
are now renting for- the Spring Needles Hall, or phone 884-0544,
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Days
‘Tis a stinking festering mess I And you, of sweet serenity, give me the dy heaves Chapped lips crack a smile On and on and on anon My ear pressed close to you (as though I could hear your thighs) 0 my holy tears sprinkle the wasted earth But don’t give me that dirt Ya, you heard me, shoot it out your ear Can I Last Until the dawn She thinks I’m superman Now perhaps i think i know, i guess. . . . mk
A Rose A rose was growing in the night, I thought I saw it wither. I did not know its only plight, Was that it had no zither. My roses are so nice to smell, And are so fun to sneeze at. The thorns, they cast a merry spell, I bleed lots if they’re squeezed at.
on
jane
I like sex. I really like sex. I’d like to have sex with you. Yeh baby.
Bill Blake
Pm
a poem What! do I know? about Poetry can’t even rhyme vo4w
Orgasm
secret the wellless water runs dry.
I
a poet VP
of the year
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A member of the staff of the Misprint has been arrested for vandalism on the UW campus. A campus security officer called it “an orgy of a random act of , senseless violence; a one-man crime wave; a South Campus - Hall pub putsch - but then, the wife says I’m prone to outrageous exaggeration, so what the hell.” According to the police report, the as-yet unidentified staffer wreaked havoc on the parking attendant kiosk just north of Needles Hall, punching a hole through the south-facing window pane. The most disturbing aspect of this “solo rampage; this hellbent trail of minor wanton destruction; this mad, impetuous fling” is that it was so blatant. Despite the numbed, dazed, bemused testimony of the Tactical Squad members who were sent to apprehend the utterly co-operative vandal, one thing is clear: he wanted to be caught! Why? Why did this Misprint staffer feel driven to this frightening series of anti-social acts? ‘Was this the culmination of years of frustration due to the , manipulative nature of education cutbacks? A response to ‘marking on the curve’ by his lackadaisical professors? A progressive act demonstrating solidarity with terrorist groups around the world? The result of mingling with ‘the nattering habobs of negativity’ to be found in today’s campus media? Was he yet another statistic in the Chronicle of our society’s frightening trend toward drug abuse? Oir is he just a fucking idiot? To find the answer to this puzzle, we sent hard-nosed Misprint reporter and bon vivante Omni Ersatz to the Kitchener Jail where th’e mystery vandal was being arraigned late Monday af, temoon. Ersatz: Let’s get down to accept any conceptof irreson my part. It’s brass tacks, shall we? It is ponsibility my only hope, since I’m as widely rumoured that you guilty as sin. If I wished to, I are a staff writer with the could probably go further Misprint. Is this true? Mystery Vandal: Hmm, and blame the warmongering industrialists, well, let me put it this way or perhaps even my toilet - yes. training, but since I’m esErsatz: I find it fascinating, sentially a timid man, I’m in a strange way, that a fellow journalist would do toying with the idea of putting the onus on American something so drastic. Why TV cop-shows. did you do it? MV: Well, I’ll be frank. As a OE: Can you justify your acresponsible staff reporter, I tions and still claim to be an feel some pressure due to unbiased, objective, disinterested reporter - as every the Misprint’s unique position on this campus. I’m an good journalist must be? entertainment reviewer, JH: No, I can’t do that. I
1
himself
December
5,1978.
Misprint
5-
logic smashed
Misprkk
“I think
Tuesday
that every artist
must see
as a motheLfigure.”
and since my writing concentrates on the expendable, trivial side of life, I could easily see the paper’s imbalance. OE: You mean the Misprint doesn’t have the talent to get a respectable percentage of hard news stories? MV: So you noticed it too? OE: And you’re telling me that you went out and put your fist through a kiosk window in order to create the sort of news that the Misprint so sadly lacks? MV: Gee, you’re good at this interview business, aren’t you? OE: Wait a bit! I recognise that flippant air, that characteristic paranoia! You’re Jean-Pierre Heinmeyer, aren’t you? JH: No! Most emphatically not! Oh God. . . well, yes . . . okay. It’s me. OE: Well, then, take off that ridiculous paper bag. JH: Must I? It makes me feel less conspicuous. All those punk rock articles I’ve been writing have finally got to me. OE: It figures. Would you blame the social pressures of university life for provoking this frenzied solo wave of devastation? JH: Sure. I’ll do that. Sounds plausible to me. I’ll grasp at straws. I’m not proud. I’ll
wasn’t disinterested at all. In fact, it was kind of fun. Besides, I don’t mind the attention. That was the whole point. We needed news, and I created it, singlehandedly. OE: Would you compare this creative act with child-birth? JH: 1 think that every artist must see himself as a mother-figure. The fact that I had to destroy something in order to create is an illustration of the ultimate paradox. We are all on this Earth to supplant and perfect. We must replace the old order and create a more progkessive new order. How this can be done without endangering the stability of the system within which
amuck,
creates
page
OE: That’s better. Visiting hours are drawing to a close, so perhaps we should wrap up with an answer to this titillating query: in light of the fact that a nihilistic philosophy drove Nietzsche mad, yet Walt Disney was to become famous and wealthy because of Mickey Mouse, can you salvage yonr self-esteem considering your mindless destruction of public property and the knowledge that the finest years of your life will be wasted in a brutal penitentiary system where, odds are, you will be gunraped by a sadistic band of roving minstrels who will eat hot-buttered Chelsea buns and make merry music all the live-long day at the expense of the oppressed Canadian tax-payer? JH: Golly, yes! Function defines form, in that we these alterations are inexorably made is the real dilemna of mankind. OE: Do you feel that this striving for a finitely good world is a throw-back to the notion of the Earth being created in God’s image? JH: I see this theory of mine as being removed from theological orientations. In a sense, the belief that we must strive to reach perfection does contradict the notion that the Earth was created in the image of a perfect God, and therefore cannot be improved. OEf That’s an ,interesting comment. I can see a striking parallel between your cynical attitudes and Orwell’s Winston Smith, a modern Minotaur in the socio-political Labyrinth of “1984." JH: That’s fascinating, but entirely spurious. Because the episode did not culminate-with my suicide, I would, rather, draw an analogy between this act of self-sacrifice on part and the selflessness of the knight who spares the actors from the attention of Death in Bergman’s “Seventh Seal”. OE: I’m disappointed. I was sure that you were going to be a complete jerk, but, instead, I can see that you’re a true student of the cinema. Have you seen “Citizen Kane”? JH: Yes, have you? OE: No, what’s it about? JH: It’s about two hourslong! Ha ha ha ha ha ha. OE: You have a ready wit! Tell me when it’s ready! Ha ha ha ha ha. JH: Ha ha ha ha ha ha: OE: Ha ha. But I digress. Let me continue to contradict you. You must admit that
Eric von Stroheim’s a pastiche of “Greed”, eviscerated tiny animal bits that get stuck between your teeth, is a ,far greater cinematic work than the original ten-hour opus as conceived in all its glory by old E.S. himself. JH: Okay. I admit it. You are right and I was wrong. I’m sorry. I won’t do it agian. Cross my heart and hope to die.
five should guage our success from our skill at attaining self-realizing goals. OE: You’re saying, then, that the ends justify the means. JH: Bloody right, I replied, tongue-in-cheek. For example, I rationalised my crazed spree of vandalistic excess because it was an attempt to create a desperately needed news story. By definition, I succeeded. OE: Boy, what a clever idea for a zany story! I’ll bet everybody laughs with humourous glee at this one! But is it art? JH: It wofked, didn’t it, you misanthropic refugee from a computer dating service. QE: My only response to such abiting remarkcan but be violence. He who lives by the sword dies by the sword. Die, pig-dog! Aieee . . . JH: Gaack.
It is evening. Leaves, crushed by the howling, wintry wind, fall pointlessly to the snow. A cruel Arctic gust sweeps them up, up, ever upward for one fleeting remembrance of life. They circle, reaching the pinnacle of their abbreviated flight, and in so doing draw our attention to the rough-hewn stonework of the prison wall, broken only. by a tiny, inaccessible window. The harsh light of a naked incandescent bulb flick&s within, illuminating the bars which define and yet disfigure it. A humble figure, head bowed, hands tied, can be seen’suspended from the ceiling, defying gravity by the grace of an electric cord, twisting slowly, slowly, as the icy fingers of the wind outside rush to claim the prisoner’s disembodied spirit. Scary, huh? ’
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Ii
/
The Arts
Tuesday
December
5,1978.
Misprint
7-
c
on’ through A slow drizzle fell outside; in the distance, wolves howled and snowballs rained on vacant, staring windows. I paused to light another weed, and contemplate the implications of my assignment.
With the passing of a fifth of cheap scotch, I am lead to believe that “Under the Milkwagon,” now playing in the Theatre of the Arts when nobody’s around, is probably the . . . dramatic production I have ever slept
J.J. Wrong, Mathie and noted campus Methuselah, shocked the world this week by heisting the Engineering mascot, the Ridgid Tool. Wrong is seen h&re posing with his prize. He sa$s he $ans to de-
liver it to his fellow Math&, after spending a lettle time getting to know it personally. Wrong is not expected to survive more than three hours after Misprint hits the Engineering Lounge.
St. Paul’s College presently has openings for the Winter Term/79, Persons interested in on-campus -residence, please contact St. Paul’s College, Westmount Road North, Waterloo, Ontario, or call 885-l 460.
t
through. I was awakened at the intermission by a growling house manager. Yawning and bleary-eyed, I proceeded to the Grad Club for a tequila eclipse, thoughtfully financed by the drama department in return for promising not to review the play. ’ I was’ greeted at the door by Horriblus, resident international bar fly, ladies man and self-proclaimed greatest man in my village. ” “Are you at the play, my good man?” he inquired. “I am,” 1 muttered as I headed for the bar. A large, drunken lout in front of the bar belched loudly as I ordered my usual. The atmosphere became thick as the bartender poured three tequila shotguns, his hands shaking. ,
Brrr..;. Super Straight, while the waitress eyed me warily; the pinball machine swayed and melted before me, and I felt a sharp pain and blacked out. I woke in a dingy room above the Kent hotel. Downstairs, a stripper bumped and gyrated to a bored audience. I swilled a jug of beer with a local junkie before hailing a cab to take me back to campus. On my return to the theatre, I found that the play had already resumed and concluded. Those dirty bastards; they’ll stop at nothing. Next week, I’ll review “Under the Table,” directed by Tom Bentley-Boozer. Nick
Danger
Frozen
beer?
“Decemberflop” gets under way tonight at’ the Bigman Park Roller Rink, and BENT co-ordinator Denise Doddering expects a large-crowd, “perhaps as many as fifty people.” Entertainment will be provided by the Gooey Brothers, a trio of banjo-picking twirps from godknows-where. Doddering denied thatDecemberflop has anything to do with Food Services’ “Noverbertrash,” an especially unappetizing meal offered to make people think that the regular fare is really not that bad. Asked why the Decemberflop poster features a polar bear, Doddering replied that she is not sure, but it might have something to do with the fact that the Roller Rink is open-air. “At least the beer won’t be warm,” she explained. Federation president Rick Smit lashed out at allegations of financial silliness in planning the event. “Just because we’ll lose $4 million even if the place is full doesn’t make it a waste of time or money,” he croaked. Jonus Bigman, owner of the roller rink, would only cackle when asked how much money he will make from the event. A. N. Onymous
After knocking back the shotguns, I swaggered into the television room where Starbuck was alternately zapping Cylons . _and slober:n,gt~ee~~~n~~~~~~ea~~~~. several nattily-dressed: tired looking radicals plotted subversion.
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Battlestar: Rubbishicas may be absolutely dreadful, but it is not the subject of this review. I felt woozy; perhaps the booze had been drugged. I dragged myself over to the CC Pub where Taped Music was playing to an imaginary audience. I ordered a large, hot Bloody Mary to clear my head. I slotted-a quarter into
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The Arts
M&vies-,,
-Tuesday
Decembei
5,1978.
Misprint
8-
sickness ‘79 ‘\
John Travolta piloting the London-New York Concord? Olivia Newton John as stewardess? And the brothers Gibb operating the control tower at the John F. Kennedy International Airport? Don’t kidd yourself. Robert Stigwood’s latest musical “Airport ‘79” is another gigantic hit. But besides its popularity, Airport ‘79 is in fact an impbrtant film due to Stigwood’s unflinching artistic honesty. The opening scene takes place in a small night club in Liverpool. Newton John
Restaurant
shows rare acting ability portraying Olivia Wayne Newton, successful pop singer. With. voice dubbing by Marni Nixon (who had earlier over-dubbed Natalie Wood in West Side Story and Barbra Streisand in Hello, Dolly!) John’s role is quite convicing (especially in the long shots when Rita Coolidge substitutes for her). Anyways, she is spotted by ace pilot Johny Martin (Travolta) who figures she has the talent to stand in for the chief stewardess (who had suddenly taken ill) on that night’s flight. to New
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During the Concord’s maiden flight we are introduced to the passengers and see how they interact ‘with each other. These scenes were directed in a manner only surpassed by Edmund Goulding’s “Grand Hotel.” George Kennedy plays a converted ex-con, tough but cool under difficult situations. Lillian Gish is convincing as a nun who hits the bottle whenever nobody is looking. Gig Young gives a lifeless portrayal as a marriage counsellor. Joe Naismith is delightful in the role of a movie star who feels he could make it in the glamorous world of pro football.
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York. A star is born! As the customers in the bar sing about her success, some incredibly intricate technique - I believe the term used. is “a fade” - takes us to the airport where a gathered crowd continues the song. (Stigwood leaves it to the imagination how the crowd at the airport knew the words).
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ween Johny and Olivia the group bursts out singing the Beatles’ “You’re going to lose that girl” complete with choreography, disco beat and harmony from the Bee Gees who happen to be singing the same song in the tower below. The Bee Gees are so wrapped up in song that they make a wrong decision in the control tower and the
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Goods
Winter Ask about
Concord flies into another plane left over from “Airport ‘75”. I can’t say what happens then since that would be telling. Film critic Rex Reed declares that “Airport ‘79” “ a smash.” Pauline Kael unequivocally stated that the film is “ .good . . .” Oscar M. Niersrastz hated it. t The movie is planned for
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Records
The Arts Live
at “The Scary Place Where All Those Terribly Nasty Young Hoodlums Make That Loud Noise They Jokingly Call Music” Deccadent Records.
As we are so sick and tired of being told, Toronto is a true spawning ground for punk and new wave’ rock bands. In an attempt to make a hell of a lot of money before this fad dries up, promoter Clay Pidgeon has recorded some of the more outrageously overrated of this new generation of rock groups live at the tavern that started it all. The Scary Place etc. has lousy acoustics, but no one will notice when you turn up the volume loud enough to hear the incompetent’ bass player buried in this embarassingly bad mix. But don’t blame the pr,oducer he’s evidently nowhere near as hard of hearing as these “musicians” must be if they can stand in front of a group of live human beings and play this godawful garbage. Maybe they’re all Gordon Sinclair in various clever disguises? c You can thrill to the sounds of The Battered Mushrooms as they tune up their instruments and obliterate their audience because they won’t correct the feedback in the lead singer’s microphone! Swoon as the Unwashed Leotards blast through a 1:57 medley of all the recorded work of John Phillip Sousa! Pray for divine intervention as Jack Knife and the Axe-Wielding Closet-Door Repairmen chant excerpts
.
Tuwqay
December
5,1?78.
a frenzied pace. garnish of bluegrass to such from the Regina-Prince Al- ,The Strange Tooth-Decay Found it out. The”intricate The soft singing of-Dirk bert telephone directory! It’ Agents, The Teenage FastLedermann and the rhythtextures are the soul responbogs down a bit between Food Outlets, The Darn matic bass licks of Ermano sibility of keyboard man Nujerford, T. and Obelisk Bastards, The Ungrateful Syd Beethoven. * Canzio McMacmic conjures Welfare Recipients, The ImMotor Inn, so you can skip visions of being He runs his hand up and UP itation Wood-Grain, The the second chorus. on an island in Raise your eyebrows in Romantic down his old ivory at such a marooned X-Ray Techni_ bemused Columbia Lake. vapidity as The cians, The Green Toejam, frightening pace that one Acid Casualties play a flawgets the impression he is The Black Lipstick, The The high point of the less version of “Stairway to Unimaginable mentally ill. The song “I’ve Belly-Button album is the 24 minute reHeaven.” In Danish. BackLint, and, of course, the be- Got a Hench Not A Hunch” worked version of Ian wards. adequately displays the DreaJy’s “Sex and Drugs loved Standard Deviants. \ Phone the Mafia to arman’s assault on the 88. And Rock and Roll,” called And that’s only the first range for a power failure as side! However, most of the “Booze and Broads and Beer The Suspicious Margarine But this really is histori‘songs don’t bebop along at and Blues.” The song also Tubs play “Now I Want to cally valuable and full of Hate My Girl-Friend”, “We integrity. It’s got lots of Think We’re Shit-hot” and , political importance. Hon“Ode to a Display of Free est. You really should buy Cheese” simultaneously! all of this kind of music. I ,Become unhinged as the swear. Unnerving Wet Washroom Moan with relief as the Door Handles make a mocreview draws to a close. kery of the Italian national Get your tickets now for Punk Punkpunker anthem! Why? Because it . The Big Ones was there! Sgt. Browns Only Cover your mouth in disHarassment Club Band belief as The Realistic Nose After two decades of lisPickers play a song in keeptening to every type of ing with the holiday spirit: music in the books, its about “Deck the Halls with Dancers -returning to Canada for a Buddy Holly (Fa La La La time the vinyl-happy nuts Fourth Triumphant Tour appearing at like myself had a change. I La La La La La)“! mean who can take those Shake your head in abject remorse as The Silent Redisco-ized versions of old rock classics, or hearing frigerators make their way Programme includes music and dance Fleetwood Muck’s “You through a song called “I’m from classical Hungarian works by Liszt Can Blow Your Own Nose,” a Hopeless Wreck Due to and Brahms to folk dances such as czardas with spurs and military Hussar My Upper Middle-Class or rock movies sung by three .overaged yet preBackground” which in“Gypsy troupe wins fans with pubsecent Aussies who cludes this immortal snipdazzling spectacle” - Montreal Gazette have experienced stardom pet of verse: for the 75th time in the last “I ate my gold-fish The toilet’s all plugged two weeks. just Anyways, enough of this grandma MY idiotic nonsense. Lets get croaked down to the business at I think I’ll take my old lady’s car downtown to hand. A group of militant the’pool-hall and try to security guards called the Big Ones have released their cop some drugs, maan.” Press “reject” before you debut album entitled “Sgt. TUESi JAN. 16,1979 - 8 p.m. reach such wonderful arBrown’s Only Harassment HUMANITIES THEATRE, UW tists as The Peeling Paint Club Band.” on the High-School Gym The music is gutsy rock Lockers, The Rude Girls, with a touch of soul and a
d Misprint,
has the subname The Village.” Its lyrics Booze and and blues Is All my needs Booze and and Blues _ Is what you
broads
+
and beer
Broads and beer get in south-dee
sums up the totally decadent lifestyle college kids advocate which the authoritarian ruling class lackies, and campus security despise. Leonardo Deadone
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(StuJSen.
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tax
the show he never gave Toronto
Dec. Dec.
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Toronto Jan. 2 Jan. 3
THEATRE,
UW
THURS. JAN. 25 and FRI. JAN. 26 - 8 p.m. Country music’s greatest songwriter brought to life again by SNEEZY WATERS and the original cast in a stunning, spell-binding piece of musical theatre. Toronto Star called this piece “a staggering tour de force by an artist of awesome talent” and an “Event of the Year.”
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Sports
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Mike Viser, currently assistant coach of the Basketball Warriors, may think that he “pulls the strings” of the team, but this shot taken from Misprint Intelligence files shows, in fact, that he has - always been a puppet of the gamblers and racketeers who run modern organized sports. Note the look of desperation on those who have no will of their own left.
1 RTS
l
The Grey Cup festivities were to have reached their climax last week, with Edmonton and Montreal meeting in a re-match of last year’s game. However, at the last moment, Grey Cup officials announced a change in the format. Realizing that some teams would never make it to the Grey Cup game, Specifically Toronto and Hamilton, it was agreed that they would be given a chance at stardom. The Argos and Tigercats would compete for the Black Bottle, awarded to the worst-team in the CFL. The rivalry between the teams for that coveted bottom spot produced some of the worst football in CFL history. Scheduled for the CNE Stadium, the game was _ moved to Harold Ballard’s back yard when it was discovered that he was the only person who wynted to watch the game. In typical TorontoHamilton play, neither team could move the ball, perhaps because they couldn’t find it. The Argos coach fumbled his coffee as the Ticats rushed into the endzone and collided with the goalpost. Then, mid-way throug6‘ the second quarter, the Argos receiver made a stunning catch with his nose. But the Ticats came back with a brilliant charge, eliminating the referee and an unto-operative linesman in one great stomp. Near the end of the fourth quarter, the Argos were facing a win at the hands of the grossly incompetent Ticats. But they came back with a power play, firing the puck into the net so slo’wly that Ticats goalie Gump Wormsley actually caught it, and was moved to resolve to pay more attention to the cheerleaders in future. The game ended in a l-l draw and a brawl at centre ice. Asked to domment on the result, Argos coach Bob Brickhead said “It’s tough trying to lose to the Ticats, but next year we’ll be on wheelchairs and I’m very optimistic about the outcome of that game.” Brickhead is 88 and was fired soon after the game. Jock Shaw
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cross-country
-Soho all leather -3 pin binding -Tonkin poles
Ski
boot
boot
-3 pin binding -Fibreglass
-Bonna ski -Rottefella binding -Fibreglass -Soho
poles
THE
or Skilom
fibreglass
or Villoom,-3
0. Installation cross-country
on all ski L
packages
poles all leather
pin
boot
a Fiee Cr&s-Cduntry waxing lessons every Wednesday
7:30
p.m.
at
MINOTA HAGEY RESIDENCE for Graduate Students has some rooms available for women commencing Jan. 1,-_ 1979.
Information is available in the Housing Office, Needles Hall or call 884-0544.
5,1978.
Misprint
lo-
A Hi E;i store that’s 15 miles from campus and doesn’t boast about plus11 carpets or an xoustic listening room or plenty of salesmen (you may even have to wait in line) but has very low overhead and passes the savings on to you in the form of very low prices.. . ON EVERYTHING BRAND NAME HI FI & CAR STEREO Current
Car Stereos Our Price 169.95 109.95 . 149.95
Specials: AM/FM cassette s-band equalizer 6045 speakers (pr.)
Reg. 269.95 169.95 249.95
-
sound
Motorola 40 watt, _ Roadstar
And
for
super
359.95 I Concord HP-100 AMlFMcass. 40 15 Khz -1 DB (0.2% distortion} FM Sens. 2 mv (sendust head) MUCH MORE AT SIMILAR PRICES
2-59.95
;I
gpr*ire
DSS-COUNTRY
PC-KAGES
December
4!llblster
AUDIO 4 Queen (closed
PRODUCTS St. Welleslky Mon. & Wed.)
656-2000
4
9
I3
r
i z.
i
t
'-
M-4
ER8 W.
L
Luncheon
11:30 to 2 p.m.
Llcensecl ’ 3 YOU must enter
under be 18 the Ptckle
L L B 0 or over to Cellar
entrance on north of building
ride
P AND COFFEE with purchase any sandwich
Mansire Corned Beef, Roast Beef or Hem on a Bun, Cole
of
1
25
Sandwich Platter with cob slaw, rsasted potatoes, vegek ms _ . . . . . , . . . . . 1 Licensed
L L 6 0
AI/ the can
Pickles eat.
you . .
,
Humour-
Tuesday
qecember
5, 1978.
Misprint
11
Giftbooks
\
We have books to please everybody on your Christmas list -
Won’t leave office space
Chevron
loses referendum
The Chevron objected to Sunday that the chevron will abide by the result of co-op students on work the referendum. terms voting by mail. However, he said that the d At last week’s Informapaper does not intend to tional General Meeting, Carleave the offices by January ter said that the second balI, as the vote demands. lot would not be necessary if In a chevron staff meeting it is statistically impossible Saturday, the-staff passed a for a second ballot to alter the result of the first. As a Referendum Results result of the large onGraduate campus turnout, it is impospoll of S % YES NO S .sible for a second co-op students next term to alter the result, even if they 3 37.32 27 , 96 58.84 35 31 - all voted for the chevron. 4, 35.65 22 12 - The mail-out ballot went 1 22.61 2 8 ii 23.91
against the Chevron 10-l. Council accepted the result of the referendum at the Sunday meeting. They also passed a motion to end the Chevron’s official status, to serve a notice of eviction from CC 140 on the chevron and to request that the UW administration not collect a Chevron fee. The federation will also secure all advertising revenue of the chevron up to January 1, 1979 and pay production costs and salaries until that date. Randy Barkman
Eighty two per cent of those voting in the referendum ‘last Thursday called for an end to the chevron as the “official” student newspaper at UW. The vote also deprives the chevron of its office space and students fee. The turn:
Chevron Undergrad
YES
NO
Arts 150 Eng 75 ES 86 HKLS 43 IS 2054 Math opt 13 Sci 95 Renison 15 St. Jer 23
293 1050 336 186
Totals
3272
Off-Cam Totals:
7355
38.34 84 454 41
88
709 77 786
1 -
37.17 41.18 28.72
1 25
39.73,
13
40.42
4051 38
39.85
779
28
33
i -
-
1 -
-
1 -
35 -
122
’
The Heritage of Upper Canadian Furniture, Landmarks of Canadian Art, Karen Kain, Lady of Dance, Harrowsmith Reader, When Lovers are Friends, and the Lord of the Rings Calendar.
Also calendars, boxed sets of paperbacks, children’s books, blank books, etc. UW Bookstore
Coupon
offer
1
132
--
out of highest
per cent was the in ten years, with voting 4183 students against the chevron and 908 supporting it. Every faculty voted 38.1
againstthe paperexceptIn-
tegrated
Studies
which
split
5-5.
The chevron won three graduate constituencies but 1 was defeated overall by graduate students. The largest. turnout (59 per cent) came from Engineering . The referendum was called by a petition of mainly engineering students three weeks ago. Chevron editor Dave Carter said at a council meeting
motion saying, “We are a student organization producing a-newspaper with a substantial readership and support. Accordingly, the chevron staff propose that the present official newsPaper office . . . be shared bY student organizations ineluding the Chevron.” The motion was quoted in a NewsdaY article Sunday* Carter refused to verity the wording of the motion for Imprint. Prior to the referendum, the chevron demanded that the results of the referendum not be counted until the chevron conducts a second part in the Winter term.
B/Gbraziix+cheese, FRIES AND
BE
WISE GIVE
IN THE HEk
WAYS
OF CHRISTMAS..
A DAZZLING
.
DIAMOND
It’s a wise man who knows the ways of his true love. The certain way to her heart is a shining diamond gift.. . and it needn’t cost a fortune. A ring, pin, or necklace to glow with icy fire.. . A diamond burning bright for all the Christmases to come because you’re wise in the ways of giving.
i
* U S Pal
New
30
I
Perplexia
KING
ST.
W.
KITCHENER
4
16. The diagram in last week’s issue was upside down. In the accompanying diagram, fill in the numbers from 1 to 15 so that each number in the lower 4 rows is the difference between the two numbers immediately above it. 19. A chain of length 150 metres is suspended from the tops of two flagpoles, each 100 metres tall. If the chain is 25 metres above the ground at its lowest point, what is the distance between the flagpoles? 20. Show that >f p and p2+ 8 are both prime numbers, then p3+ 4 is also prime. 21. What are the three errors in the fpllowing sentence? “There is three errers’in this sentence.”
Solutions
To Last
Week’s
250 Weber St. N.
Problems
John
rust 18. Let f(n}=~l-j-n~l+(n+l),/~ We claim that f(n)=n+l and prove it by induction. Clearly f(O)=lX+-1. Suppose that f(k)=k+l. Then k2+2k+l=(k+1)2 =f(k)2 =1-j-k f(k+l). H ence f(k+l)=k+Z and the claim is’proven. The given problem was to determine f(Z), so the expression is equal to 3. Is there a fallacy in this argument? H.D.L. Night i7.
Athenai
Free Shock
floor, vault, 2nd and 6th on beam.
Thomson
864-I 451
brake and inspection
General
place second
The Athena Junior Gyrnnastics team had their first competition at MacMaster University on Saturday Dec. 2. The Athenas placed second behind MacMaster with 4 other teams following. The Athena team consists of Barb Fraser, Karen McKibbin, Karen Nakagawa, Karen Climmis who placed 6th on uneven bars, Cathy Sequin 5th on floor, Karen Poser 5th on beam and Rosanne Hermann who placed 1st in all around,
G
repairs
. Tune-ups
10% of all parts for Students and staff at UW
on bars
-
subject
to change
without
notice-
KENT HOTEL 59 King St. N. Waterloo Free
shuffle
Three licensed boards
roqms
to serve
Tuesday Pizza Special
you Giant
TV
99c
screen
011
Am
D Q
Carp
Copyr!ghl
1978
Am
D 0 Carp
at aUniversity