1986-87_v09,n20_Imprint by Editor Imprint

m e amens AU ewspaper, u l ~ v e r s i o ~xyw aserloo aw

IL-mint a

Vo1.9,1po. Friday, =OV. 80 88,1988

Campus Centre scene of apartheid jectures

I African traces roots of discrimination 'h

by Elisabeth Otto

Imprint staff

homeland. As it is impossiblefor you to exist in this environment, you are forced to work "abroad", in

Here in Canada,yes. Impossible?No. This is what apartheid is all a h * and this is happening right now to

was perhaps the most personally affected by apartheid. A vely comprehensive speaker, his lecture traced apartheid back to its grass roots. when the first whte Boers began colonizing the country according to their peculiar religiously based ideas of separatism. These eatly days were the beginning of a color hierarchy that has remained in effecteven in modem times, with blacks at the extreme bottom and whites at the peak of power. Apartheid was thus in practice so- . cially long before the National Party came to power in 1948.The effect of this p a q s election was to establish the legal framework of apartheid, making the practices of discrimination against blacks part of its official strategy in restoring full dominance to the Boers. In the nearly 40 years that this party has been in govemment very few of these laws have seen any signifkant change. However. ka Nmmbona maintains that apartheid i s . ' m than just this legal structureoflawsand policies it exists in a three-dimensibnalform:

socially deprived due to their com. plete lack of political representation and control. The whites, comprising barely 16 per cent of the total population, own 86 per cent of the land. Black education is restricted and, as blacks are prohibited from mnning any lucrative businesses, they are condemned to a life of perpetual poverty, merely because of the color of their skin. Ka Nya~bonaalso proceeded to outline the history of the African National Congress (ANCX an organization by blacks to defend their rights. While pacifist in origin, this ideology has increasingly been called into qwstion by South Africa's black youth, resulting in a growing tendency to violence. Peaceful methods not having been effective in altering the status of blacks, 9 more extreme remedy is being applied. A further issw which the speaker focused on-aws that of We bantustans or black homelands. Their total area coven 13 per cent d South Africa's land, and includes mostly arid and urBertile country. BY beim

topic of U W talk by US, Soviet reps by Tom York lmprint staff A spirited debate on Arms Control Talks took place Tuesday evening at 'the Theatre of the Arts under the sponsorship of Peace and Conflict Studies and Science for Peace. The 'question debated was "Whatare the present obstades to effective arms controlr': Jack Kangas, US defense analyst, and lgor Dorseev, Sariet Press (No votny) representative, made opening policy statements. Kangas announced from the outset that "Arms control takes a back-seat to Star Wan in the estimation of theReagan administration and the American people. With Star Wars, he said "the U S is trying to s h i from an offensive to a defensive detenent strategy." Nevertheless, "The two sides came very close at Reykjavik to achieving substantial agreement on fun&. mental issues."

LeVstalkabodrf U W MO St.Jercmeh~ =Q-/

ment at *R Furthem, "SDI [StarWan] threatens the parity agreed on in SALT ll by Carter end. Breshnevlin 1979].SDlisnotsbSctly defensive,and triggersa newspiral in the arms race. Why build a multi-billion dollar system against something we can eliminate altogether?' The Russian seemed,though sincere, out of his depth in thetechnical arguments. The American, whiiev asive, was technically lowwledgeable and had ewn been involved in arms control negotiations owr the years. In addition, a vocal anticommunist bloc in the audience intimidated the Russian. For example, to KangaS statement that 'Treaties, such as the 1972 ABM, are 'scraps of paper', which can be abroaated. " . Doroseev

con~,nuedon

.......'............page 8 ...................... page6 .............................. page 10 ................. page 11 WoalanrrnAnrattadk ................ l.4 mew ~~...................,- 18 ......................we 81 rpraimulth remkl.....................- aa ahmuiea ..........................- lsdl Gabadar ............................#ago 89' eradchlbbmdt

Former Federation President Sonny Flanagan (in the cute costume) times university ombudsman Ray Owens during aeontest to promotsthe production of The Mousetrap. A maze was set up i n the Campus Centre Monday. Owens finished 2nd. photo by Joe 8uy

Not so, said Doroseev. "Reagan, and Reagan alone, prevented agree-

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NEWS

Imprint,

Friday,

November

Donato

was

28, 1986

Donato cartoon display promotes new book on Canadian political chins by Mike Brown Imprint staff

A humorous presentation of political cartoons was hosted by Toronto Sun cartoonist Andy Donato in the Campus Centre on Nov. 26. Donato was at the university promoting his new book of political cartoons Chins and Needles. The lively caricature artist illustrated the lighter side of some

faces that Canadians are used to seeing depicted in the editorial pages of the nation’s newspapers. . The stout political commentator stayed for only 25 minutes. Donato said he wished that his visit could have been longer but he had to catch a plane to Ottawa for the upcoming Liberal convention which is a natural breeding ground for ideas-in his future drawings.

Aid for Nicaragua object of Grad Club benefit today at 3 by Michael Zapico and Wendy Mortimer

A fund-raising activity for the Tools for Peace campaign is set for this afternoon at Uw’s Grad House. Pro ceeds will go to help the needy in Nicaragua. The event, sponsored by the Graduate Student Association and the KW branch of Tools for Peace, includes a movie at 3 p.m., a LatinAmerican dinner at 6 and live music in the evening. The dinner will consist of empanadas, gallos pinto (Nicaraguan-style rice and beans), indio bravo (tamales with vegetables), and came gisada (beef with tomato and vegetable sauce). Music will be provided by NAZKA, Chilean group that performs LatinAmerican music on traditional instruments, and by soloists Dave Lawson, Mauricio and Doug Mohr. Funds raised through the benefit

will be used in the 1986 Tools for Peace campaign - Nicaragua Must Survive. The objective of this year’s campaign is to provide items that are normally imported but, because of the war, are in extremely short supply, if available at all. At the time of the benefit, items collected in this area will have already been sent to Vancouver to be loaded and shipped to Nicaragua. The funds raised from this benefit will be sent to purchase priority items in Vancouver, as local purchasing of these items will save shipping costs. Priority items include notebooks and pencils, blankets, hand-tools, rubber boots, shovels, axes and sharpening files. In addition, health items are seriously needed, most notably gauze, tape, antiseptic, and sanitary napkins. The benefit is intended not only to raise funds for the 1986 campaign, but also to increase public awareness of the situation in Nicaragua.

In his brief appearance, Donato churned out a dozen caricatures on an overhead projector. Those lucky enough to be in limelight of the 3:30 p.m. presentation in CC 110 were the likes of Pierre Elliot Trudeau, Brian Mulroney and his chin, Richard Nixon, John Diefenbaker, Rene Levesque, Ronald Reagan who Donato said he liked up until about a week ago, David Peterson, John Crosbie, Smilin’ Bill’ Davis and his pipe, and lastly, Donato finished up with a portrait of himself; Besides drawing familiar faces off the top of his head as well as sketching by request, Donato answered questions freely, covering mostly political aspects of past and present headlines in the Canadian news. Donato also made several social comments and recollections about some of the run-ins he has had with the subjects that have appeared in his work over the past 21 years. Donato’s comments concerning the political spectrum were temperate in nature, although he claims that he is “right wing as hell”. Before the small audience, Donato recounted how upon being introduced as Andy Sun cartoonist Andy Donato of the Toronto Sun before November 26. former Prime Minister Trudeau for the first time, Trudeau said to Donato “Hey you’re a son of a bitch”. After a recollection of the old guard in Canadian politics, Donato said, “They don’t make politicians like him any- I more” when referring to the late John Diefenbaker. For the last 13 years, Donato has been drawing political cartoons full time,. of which he has suffered only KITCHEIUERS 10 rejections. When asked what proNEWEST fession he would have chosen if he did not become a political cartoonist, -STOW the hearty Donato replied, “A pro \\ baseball player”.

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COMMENT

Imprint,

Friday,

November

28, 1986

0 such thing as a %afe” reactor by Cindy Imprint

Long

’

staff

Most champions of nuclear reactors and the whole issue of nuclear power miss the point. The ridiculous arguments that we‘ve never had an accident the magnitude of Chernobyl or, even more ridiculous, we’re doing other countries an injustice by not giving them safe reactors demonstrate a lack of understanding of the total issue. This is not a technological argument. It is not a case of whether or not a relatively safe reactor can be built. (Tell me how safe any reactor is if some nut ever decided to drop a few kilos of explosives on it.) Even if reactors were completely “safe” (whatever that means when you’re talking about nuclear fission), what about the radioactive waste? How can power be “clean” when the byproduct is something that has to be buried in concrete deep inside the Canadian Shield where we hope a seismic disturbance of some sort won’t ever release it into our ~ environment for a.few thousand years? By selling our reactor technology to “developing” countries we are rnerely contributing to the glut of inappropriate technology already forced on them by the U.S. I don’t expect pro-nuclear people to understand the concept of appropriate technology. It seems to elude scientists who have no idea of the economic and social structure of countries -. other thantheir own. Apart from this, people who support David Peterson’s decision to continue the Darlington project have applauded a politician for going back on his word. Shows just how carefully they’ve thought about what their values. I don’t value lies. I don’t value pollution, even when it’s out of sight. Even less do I value weak arguments in favour of nuclear power when they come from those who have a financial or a potential financial stake rn such projects. I have nothing to gain from telling anyone who’ll listen that nuclear power is bad news. As responsible human beings who have the brains to realize what they stand to lose, scientists should boycott research projects involving nuclear anything! How close are you willing to live to a CANDU reactor? Think about it.

L The opinions

expressed

on this page are those of the author and do not necessarily

Education

Imprint

Imprinf:

iSSN’ 0706-7380

Editorial

Steve Kannon Nicholls \ Paul Done @ Chris Wodskou

Editor-in-Chief Mews Editor Arts Eaitom, Photo

Janice

Editors

Sports

EUi%or

Features Editor Proauction illamger HeacN!ypesetter Businessan[anager OffiYL Manager Mortising Manag= AdAssistan~

Staff

Board

Meeting

Joe Sary &’ Richard Clinton Jonatihan Sadleir Marie Sedivy Doug Tait Doug Thompson Janet Lawrence Lisa Beard : Dave Lawson Charles Mak 43 Andrea Luxon

- noon Friday

Editorial Board Meeting Monday,.5 pan.

on thinking

they are merely passive recipients of their education. Many do not know what thinking is. Although I admit to being an artsie, I would hope by the university level even science and engineerI think I am in university. I think university is an ing courses should be stressing thought and appliinstitute of higher learning. And I think higher cation of theories rather than memorization of learning requires thought. But I could be wrong. In theories and definitions. Whether this is the case, I fact, if I were to judge by some of the courses ofdon’t know. fered, I am wrong. I can’t wait to see the outcome of Imprint’s course Recently, course and professor evaluations have evaIu.ation. I’m curious to see whether the easiest been at the center of some controversy. Imprint has courses come out as the best as well (the “I did well decided to run it’s own course evaluation and to therefore it’s a good course phenomenon “). Or will release the results for all students to see. What is people rate higher the courses which taught them interests me is to see how students will rate certain more? Courses where marks‘may have been lower, types of courses. I but students actually had to think? Perhaps I am weird (one has to be in order to be a I hope the thinking courses are the ones to come journalist), but I actually enjoy thinking. The type of out on top. If not, I’ll have to change my definition of courses I detest are those which stifle any type of higher learning. If not, I’ll have to change the opencreative or original thought. As far as I’m coning lines of this article to read: cerned, regurgitation went out at the beginning of I am in university. University is an institute of high school. Higher learning, I hope, means think’ higher learning. Higher learning is the same as ing. It means understanding a concept, being able to lower learning, except it is more specialized and apply a theory, analyzing information to find pattcosts the student more money. erns or discrepancies. Higher learning should mean having to synthesize information, to understand the essence of a concept. Hi$her education need not be concerned with remembering or even worse, regurgitating irrelevant details. Rather, higher learning should impress upon the student the importance of being able to access necessary information without necessarily remembering it. Most of all, higher learning should stimulate the ’ mind. Agood course is one which makes me want to learn more. A bad course is one which I don’t want to bother going to because the hour consists of details being spewed out, and what is said in an hour’s lecture could be read in five minutes. A good course is one where the student is active in the sense of having to think through a lecture. A bad course is one where a student sits passively. I have always had an aversion for reputed bird ‘courses. Maybe that’s because those are the ones I do worst in. And I do badly in them because I don’t enjoy them. If thinking is what higher learning is all about, why are there so many courses on this campus where thinking is discouraged? That bothers me. It brings to mind Marx who said the education system taught people to be good workers; remember the rules, give the answers expected of you, do what you’re told, and you’ll get along fine. It brings to mind the Soviet system where, sure you can have your own opinion, as long as it agrees with that of the officials. But what scares me most is that many students are so unaccustomed to thinking they don’t realize by Marie Sedivy Imprint staff

is the student newspaper at t&e University of Waterloo. It is an editorially independent newspaper published by Imprint Publications, Waterloo, a corporation without share capital. Imprint is ;4 member of the Ontario CornmunityNewspaper Association (OCNA), and a member of Canadian University Press (CUP). Imprint publishes every second Friday during the Spring term and every Friday during the regular J terms. Mail should be addressed to Imprint, Campus Centre, Room 140, University o!Waterloo, Waterloo, Ontario, N2L 3Gl. Imprint reserves the ‘right to screen, edit and refuse advertising.

of Imprint

or regurgitation?

,Thoughts Imprint

reflect the opinions

Imprint welcomes comments and opinion pieces from our readers. The Forum page is designed to provide an opportunity to present views on various issues. Opinions ....~~.:~~~~~~: expressed in letters, columns, or other articles on this page represent those of their ~~~~~ w.kx*<>~:.:.: >_(,.: :I:.‘~:::i authors and not Imprint. Letters MUST be typed, double-spaced, and signed w,ith name ‘.L’. ‘.v.:<.:... .‘..,..~.~..,.~ ...n...., .,.;.:,~.,.,.,:, ~~~:.:c:::::.::~~::~~~~::~:::::~,.: “’...‘““...> ,.:.:.,.,, >.I ~~:~~:~:~~:~~~~:.:~..:.:: m ‘A’. . ..,.,,.,...., ...‘.............~.(~~~,.. g$z&::::<::.:.~: .,~“.:~ and telephone number, and submitted to CC 140 by 6:00 p.m. Monday of the week of publication. Maximum length of letters: 200 words. Anyone wishing to write longer ~~~~~~~~~~ &’ Y.,. ..;‘w& q!@!!&.:> 4 g& ” .:,.T_=JJ$gj opinion pieces should contact the Editor-in-Chief., All material is subject to editing. -

Physics

Never

student

f-m

‘mind

To the editor, I wish to respond to the article by Chris Reid (WPIRG) in the Nov. 21 Imprint entitled “Cancel Darlington Now”. It seems to me that students at a university would be well-informed about most nuI clear power issues and would be open-minded enough to avoid emotional hooplah surrounding the issue, evidently, this is not the case. In Chris’s article, he refers to the ‘accident’ at Pickering in 1983. In this mishap, not a single person was injured and only a

Darlington

Chtknobvl,

very small amount of radioactive material was released. Surely you cannot compare this to the magnitude of the tragedy at Chernobyl as a result of which perhaps thousands will die! Let me explain briefly why our CANDUs are safe. Unique to the CANDU design is the use of DiDeuterium Oxide (Heavy Water) as a moderator, i.e. heavy water must surround the fissile material to slow neutrons and allow the chain reaction to occur. In the event of a problem, the reactor

‘No God, no sin To the editor, I wish to respond to Steve Payne’s letter (Homosexuality is deviation, Nov. 21 Imprint). Homosexuality is a deviation only because there are fewer homosexuals than heterosexuals. There is nothing sick or perverse about homosexuality, as Mr. Payne suggests. For homosexuality to be unnatural it must be contrary to the pur-. pose of nature. Only when we discover exactly what this purpose is will we be in a position to judge. By expressing his pity toward gays he is insinuating that he is better than anyone who is homo-

sexual because he is “straight”. If he didn’t think he was better, he! wouldn’t be feeling sorry for! them, would he? I cannot rationally or emotion- I ally believe in God, or that anything can happen to me after I’m dead. I do not believe there are any moral absolutes. I therefore *Take extreme offense when Mr.. Payne passes judgment bycalling homosexuality “sinful”. It is not gays, but intolerant people, selfrighteous by virtue of their ludicrous beliefs, who need to straighten themselves out.

Kenn Heinrich IA Comp Eng.

CANDU is safe

’

vessel’s heavy water is dumped quickly into a vessel below which is at negative pressure. This ‘dumping’ occurs within seconds and is power-off fail sage, meaning that power or control failure will cause the valve to open automatically. Thus, the reaction is halted immediately. This safety feature does not exist in the Soviet design of power reactors which use flammable graphite as a moderator - which was the cause of the fire which spewed the deadly radioactive cloud at

Chernobyl. Another issue which Chris refers to is the export of reactors and radioactive substances. He seems to be confusing nuclear power with nuclear warfare. We would be doing many countries a great injustice by withholding our safer reactors from them, forcing the use of inferior types such as those in the USSR. Indeed, by selling our reactor technology to developing countries we are ensuring them of safe, clean power where otherwise they may be compelled

Ws a free country, on campus doesn’t To the editor, I’ve read a lot about “cults” around here lately. That’s a dangerous word; it is rarely defined, often used, and it evokes powerful images of Jonestown, brainwashings, abductions, satanism, deprogramming and other horrors. The term has recently been applied to the Hunger Project and est in particufar. Some even seem to think that there is a threat to security on campus. I have been approached here by someone representing THP, and asked to fill out a card similar to

Witchcraft

As I read “Let’s talk about . . . Witchcraft” by the Rev. Dr. Tom York (Imprint, Nov. 21), I was very disturbed.

Sawatski defended To the editor, Andrea Luxon impressively defended the Imprint Nov. 18 during my RS 221 class at Conrad Grebel. The fact that she alone, of all the Imprint staff, had the guts to support her stance illustrates her integrity. However, her comment BIAS! (Imprint, Nov. 21) was a misrepresentation of the class. Prof. Hotson did not attack Imprint for two hours. For 45 minutes he spoke out against the unfair press, both in the Imprint and on W5, and he presented The Hunger Project. Then Andrea introduced herself, debated with Prof. Hotson for about 15 minutes and spent 40 minutes answering students’ questions. Prof. Sawatsky did not use The Hunger Project as “filler”. He asked Prof. Hotson and Imprint to speak to the class, as the issue pertains to 0ur current topic of study. The class wasn’t “held captive”. Usually, a cult or anti-cult group speaks to our class so’we may objectively examine both opinions, I don’t support The Hunger Project, nor do I agree with Prof. Hotson’s recruiting in economics classes. I do wonder why Andrea thinks it is inappropriate for Prof. Sawatsky to present a cult/media issue in a class designed for that purpose. The course is, after all, a religious and sociological study of sects and cults. Lisa Wilkins 38 Honours English

cult canvassing hurt an/yone d

the one reproduced in the Nov. 21 issue of Imprint. f wasn’t lied to, pressured, harassed or threatened in any way. Critics say that THP is a cult because no money is spent on actual relief programs. In fact, they do not claim this to be the case; it isn’t stated on the cards, so they aren’t lying. Critics also complain that the sole aim of THP is to increase it’s own membership. Yes, increasing awareness about hunger is their aim, but seems a reasonable first step toward eliml inating the problem. The solution

forbidden

To the editor,

to use either hazardous reactors or environmentally unsound methods to generate the power they need to become industrious, product ive nations! So, I therefore applaud Mr. Peterson in his astute decision to complete Darlington and it is my sincere hope that other countries possessing nuclear power utilize CANDU technology for safer nuclear energy for future generations. Mark S. Csele Year 2 -Physics ..

presented is not a direct one; they don’t claim that increased awareness will cause the end of hunger in some mystical wav. Please don’t think I’m a fanatic. There’s no excuse for abusing a professorship by promoting a personal cause in class. But canvassing on campus doesn’t hurt anyone, or infringe on anybody’s rights. It’s a free country, and you can say “no” if you want to, whether it’s to the Hunger Project or any other cause. Derek Hrynyshyn 2A Math

in Bible

, I find many Biblical references to witchcraft and I find stern rebukes and dire warnings (Revelation 21 :18, 22: 15; Deuteronomy 18:10- 11; Leviticus 9:31; Malachi 13:5). In Deuteronomy 18: lo- 11, the Lord God expressly forbids and soundly denounces witchcraft, with no distinction between white and black sorcery. In Revelation 21:8, Jesus Christ Himself groups witches with “. . . the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually the idolaters all immoral, . ‘. . liars.” He tells us that these will not inherit the Kingdom of God. This from Jesus, who gave his life and was raised from the dead so

that all may inherit‘the Kingdom of God. Dr. York, I am a Christian and, by Jesus’ grace, He is my .Lord. With all the prayerful respect due a minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, as I read your article, it appears to be in diametrical opposition to the Word of God and the Gospel of Jesus. In Jesus name, if I am wrong, I welcome a responding letter clarifying your position. If I am right, please write to tell me on what your beliefs and ministry are based. Bruce Mclver First-year Arts

Ears. ringing from Fed Ha‘ll’s excessive noise To the editor, I am responding to the letter about the excessive noise level at Fed Hall in last week’s Imprint. I too enjoy going to Fed Hall not only to dance but to socialize (as most of us do). However, there have been many occasions when I would just not talk (much to my dislike) because I do not enjoy straining my voice and going home hoarse. On one such occasion, I actually went up to the DJ’s booth and told him the music was very loud and asked if he would turn it down. He complied for maybe five minutes and then turned it back up again. I do not feel that music needs to be overly loud in order to get or keep the right beat for dancing. An added problem of having been subject to four hours of continuously too loud music is ringing ears. For some people this is a bothersome feeling, for others

maybe not, but, again, it is an unnecessary side-effect of going. to our school pub. I think a reduction in the noise level would be a welcomed cornpromise for all - people who like to converse would be able to hear each other without yelling, and the music would still be swfficiently loud enough for all the dancers. I would also like to comment on the use of the coloured lights. Last Friday night I had the pleasure of dancing under these lights for the first time since I have been going to Fed Hall. I think many people who were there share my feelings. Was it just because it was a special pub (Naismith and Homecoming)? I hope not, because more frequent use of the coloured lights on regular DJ nights would be enjoyed by many.

Yvonne 38 Health

Everard Studles

’ ’

6 Imprint,

The Veaetarian

World

*Prcitein is important by Kathy Marsman Protein is one of those things we simply can’t do without. Vegetarians need as much as anyone else, but must obtain it from complementary “incomplete” protein rather than from complete protein sources found in animal flesh. Twenty amino acids go into making complete protein. Eleven of these can be made in our bodies, but the other nine essential amino acids must be obtained through our diet. Amino acids can not be stored for later use, so if any of the nine are missing, protein synthesis can only occur to a limited extent. Fortunately, certain vegetables, beans, grains and nuts can be easily combined, usually in equal amounts, to provide all nine amino acids. When all are present, there is no difference between animal protein and plant protein. Also, foods such as eggs. and milk contain complete protein, and when corn-< bined with incomplete protein, willcomplement the amino,acids present and enhance the protein quality. Most people have been combining complimentary proteins for a long time without eve? realizing it. The following information can serve as a guide to

International Public Interest Research Groups (PIRGs) are alive and well in the United States, even flourishing. I’ found this out after spehding a packed weekend at the Eastern PIRG Organizing Conference at Rutgers University, New Jersey. Some 150 PlRGers from the eastern half of the continent provided energy, enthusiasm, skills and ideas toward the whats, whys and hows of acting on issues of social and environmental concern. e American PlRGs are similar, yet different, from PlRGs here in Ontario. Like us, they research, educate &d act on issues of student and public concern. They are also student-funded and directed, accountable to their respective student bodies. But their focus and presence on campus are quite dif\ ferent. The American PlRGs concentrate their energy on lobbying governments for changes in legislation. They have developed very organized and effective tactics for running well-coordinated campaigns on specific issues, involving many students in the process. For example, students at universities in Massachusetts recently worked together to change state legislation on the dumping of hazardous wastes. They <gathered thousands of signatures from across the state, lobbied all levels of government, researched the issue thoroughly, ran educational campaigns to make citizens aware of the issue, raised funds and got a hazardous waste clebnup bill onto theii municipal election ballots in

Reader

says ban

Non-smokers To the editor, I read that MP Lynn McDonald has proposed anti-smoking bill that would ban smoking from the workplace as well as from planes, grains and buses travelling between the provinces. The bill would also ban all tobacco advertising. At this same time, UW is considering a tougher smoking policy. The proposal would prohibit smoking from common work areas (meeting rooms etc.), including offices which open up onto a hallway shared by other offices, and generally impress a, disapproval of smoking. Pinch me, I must be dreaming.

early November. And it won. Students in PlRGs in many states have acted in a similar fashion, to create laws requiring breweries to recycle beer bottles: With the Reagan administration pulling-money out of the Environmental Protection Agency to fund defense programs, American students are fighting for much more fundamental levels of government control on industrial pollution, hazardous waste management, recycling etc. Structurally, American and Canadian PlRGs differ, the American PlRGs being more centralized and hierarchical. As a result each local university PIRG is less autonomous. WPIRG and other Ontario PlRGs enjoy their less centralized, more egalitarian structure. This allows each local to be autonomous, with students working on more local issues rather thin nation-wide campaigns. Our alternative resource centres are far more developed and used. Student volunteers provide more educational events on issues of concern to both students and the community. Students are more involved in public interest research done at their PIRG. Consequently, Canadian PlRGs have a larger group of interested and dedicated volunteers. It was exciting to see how much we had to offer and teach each other, learning from each other’s strengths. For us, I hope we can incorporate those organizing tactics into starting PlRGs on more Canadian university campuses in the next few years, as well as working together more on Iqrger, national student campaigns. Student voices on what is of concern to our livelihood and our future is far fro&m dying out.

smoking

joyful

Finally, some action is being considered against smoking which favoursnon smokers. Previous regulations have done little to comfort the non-smoker. For example, the law that forces restaurants and cafeterias to have non-smoking sections does not solve the pollution problem. Air has a tendency to circulate. I have yet to bump my nose by walking into the invisible wall which separates such’ areas. The new proposals, however, favour the majority, non-smokers, as they should in a democratic society. Smokers have rights too, I agree, because this is also a free society. (Realize, smokers, that

28,

1986 1

by Tom York

In the ancient world, devoid of printing, without paper for notetaking or on which .to type lectures, the trained memory was ofvital importance. We read of memory feats such as the elder Seneca repeating 2,000 names in the order in which they were given, or IAugustine’s friend Simplicius reciting the whole of Virgil’s Aeneid backwards. In our own day, mnemonists have been known to recite page after page of a phone book after a quick glance at them, and I myself witnessed Artie Shaw, the big-band leader, recite from memory Saul Bellow’s novel Herzogbackwards, starting from a page number I called out. What couldn’t a student do with that ability? Just think - no more cheating, no more need to cheat! Here is a quick course on memorization, derived from -Frances Yates’The Art of Memory and A.R. Luria’s The Mindof a Mnemonist. After you’ve got through exams, I urge you to consult these two works further. The great debate among the ancients was whether-to memorize the thing itself (Quintillian’s method), or to devise some sort of shorthand, a “mnemonic device” (Cicero’s method), by which to remember the thing. Both agreed on the importance of order (a numbered series) and that visual memory is strongest. Both Cicero and Quintillian derive their method from Simonides who was able, after leaving the banquet hall in which he’d recited a poem (during his absence the roof of the hall collapsed, crushing the hundreds of guests), to identify for burial purposes each of the corpses by remembering where each had sat. So the artificial memory is established from places and images. The place you choose in which to mentally deposit your material should be a place with many nooks and crannies which you can easily visualize, such as the house you grew up in (we remember childhood places best), the CC (with its columns, Turnkey desk, ice cream bar, Imprint office, etc.) - someplace you can make a me,ntaI journey through. The images may be forms, marks,‘or simulacra an inner writing of your own devising, immediately translatable. If you wish to remember much material you must equip yourself with a large number of places. It is essential that the places should form a series and must be remembered in order, so that you can start from any place in the series and move either forwards or backwards. Clear? Let’s say you want to remember the four cardinal virtues, ‘Prudence, Justice, Fortitude, and Temperance. Prudence you will represent by Betty, Justice by Jughead, Fortitude by Archie, and Temperance by Veronica. You place these mental figures in each of the four corners of the CC: Betty at the Turnkey’s desk, Jughead in the cafeteria, Archie at the ice cream bar, Veronica in the Imprint office. Voila! All are remembered as if they were deposits placed in safe keeping. “will not the flow of our speech inevitably “But,” says Quintillian, be impeded by the double task imposed on our memory?” He recommends instead that thestudent “learn a passage by heart from the same tablets on which he has committed it to writing.” Here we have the mnemonic devise of visualizing writing on “places”, but instead of constructing some imaginary place, it visualizes the writing on the page where it was written. Further, memory for words is much harder than memory for things. Memory for words begins in the same way as memory for things: the student memorizes pl,aces jr\lhich are to hold his images. But he is confronted by a harder task for far more places will be required. We must go over the verse three or four times, that is, learn it by heart in the usual way, then represent the words by means of images. The things easiest to remember are those which have an order, like mathematical propositions. The basic rule is that “we grasp ideas by means of images and their order by means of places.” “Nor is it true,” says Cicero, “as unskilled people assert, that memory is crushed beneath a weight of images. . . for I have myself met eminent people with almost divine powers of memory. . . each of whom used to say that he wrote down what he wanted to remember in certain places in his possession by means of images, just as if he were inscribing letters on wax.” Then there was Themistocles, who refused to learn the art of remembering, saying he preferred the science of forgetting . . .

.. ‘-

PlRGies

by Megan Piercy WPIRG staff

Novembef

Let’s talk 0 , about 0 0 0% Memorizing

food combining. Foods low in amino acids cystine and methionine can be combined with foods low in only tryptophan and lysine in a 1 :l ratio. Two to three servings of these complete protein combinations is sufficient to, provide the daily protein requirenient. Foods low in methionine and cystine and high in other amino acids include: (a) green or leafy vegetables, such as kale, green peas, spinach, green beans, and asparagus; (b) beans and legumes, such as soybeans (tofu),, lima beans, chik peas, kidney beans, lentils, and white beans; (c) nuts and seeds, such as sunflower seeds, sesame seeds, peanuts, almonds, cashews, walnuts; (d) other vegetables, such as cauliflower and potatoes. The above foods should be combined with foods low in lysine and tryptophan but high [n’other amino acids. These include: (a) grains and cereals, such as rice, wheat, wheat germ, oats, oatmeal, rye, millet, pasta and pumpe’rnickel; (b) corn and corn meal.

Friday,

(The Rev. Dr. Tom York is United Church His office is at St. Paul’s College.)

Chaplain

to UW and WLU.

entirely!

about you are exercising a right that is killing you.) Thei can-smoke if they want to, but only if it does not bother others around them. In a public place, such a feat is impossible. As you may have guessed by now, I would like to see smoking eliminated entirely. Even some non-smokers would object to that action, citing the bad effect it would have on the economy. The tobacco industry is very large, especially h.ere in southwestern Ontario. However, would not the problems that would arise be worth enduring to remove an element from our lives as detrimental to public well-being as

new restrictions smoking? My position may sound too harsh to smokers, perhaps even a little selfish. What else is to be expected? I am fighting for my life. The dangers of second-hand smoke, a hazard that all must face whether one sits in a non-smoking section or not, are well documented. Besides the well-known problems, especially to smokers, that smoking causes, it is also a prevalent fire hazard. The other source of joy, therefore, that the proposals give me is that they discourage an unsafe habit. Smoking endangers the lives of all. I have friends and family who smoke. The practice is a constant

source of conflict among us because of the health problems, expense and discomfort (to the non-smoker) that smoking causes. Non-smokers are not only concerned about their own health and rights, but also the smoke’rs’ health and right to better life. When I see someone who is close to me, somebody I love, light up a cigarette, I am both disgusted and concerned. At that time,, I feel like grabbing the person and saying “Listen! I care about you. Stop smoking.” Frank Trovato English co-op

FORUM

Friday, November 24 1986

Imprint,

The Yellow Brick Road of Career Planning by Student Vocational Advisors For those who wanted to apply to graduate school in September 1987, but missed the appropriate grad school admission test, it’s not too late. Many of the tests will be written again in the winter term. Students currently in their second to last year of an undergrad degree who are considering grad school \ should start planning now by obtaining information and registering to write the appropriate tests. The GRE, GMAT, and LSAT, three graduate school admission tests in high demand at the University of Waterloo are outlined below: Graduate Record Examination (GRE) The GRE is given approximately five times each year at numerous testing cehtres in North America and abroad. Graduate schools of Psychology, English, History, Math, and Engineering often require applicants to submit GRE scores prior to acceptance. Be sure to verify the admission requirements of particular grad programs at all of the universities you are considering as the requirements may vary substantially from institution to institution. The GRE has twocomponent tests: the General Test and the Subject Test. The GRE General Test contains seven 30-minute sections designed to measure verbal, quantitative, and analytical abilities. Subject Tests are designed to measure knowledge of subject matter basic to graduate study in specific fields. Each Subject Test takes 2 hours and 50 minutes. Subject tests are available in 17 areas ranging from biology, economics, engineering, music, psychology, sociology, and others. Registration fees vary depending on the number of Subject Tests one wishes to take. Pre-registration is mandatory. The GRE will be offered in Waterloo on the following dates: Dec. 13, 1986; Feb. 7, April 11, June 6,1987. Graduate Management Admission Test (GMAT) The GMAT is designed to assess the qualifications of applicants for advanced study in business and management. Students interested in a masters of business or public administration will probably be required. to submit GMAT scores with their grad school application. The GMAT is four hours long and consists of light, separately timed sections, each containing 20 to 35 multiple-choice questions. The quantitative sections of the GMAT meas.ure basic mathematical skills, understanding of

elementary concepts, and the ability to reason quantitatively and interpret graphic data. The verbal sections of the test measure the ability to understand and evaluate what is read to recognize basic conventions of standard written English.?hese sections include reading comprehension, writing ability, and analysis of situation questions. The GMAT is written four times a year. Upcoming testing dates in Waterloo are Jan. 24, March 21, and June 20, 1987. Law School Admission Test (LSAT) More than 240 law schools in Canada and the United States use LSAT results as part of their application procedure. The LSAT consists of six 35minute sections of multiple-choice questions and one 30-minute writing sample; the latter is sent to each law school to which an LSAT report is sent for the examiner, but it is not scored. The, multiple choice questions are intended to give no advantage to candidates from a particular academic -background, but measure skills and knowledge developed over a long period of time. four types of ques_ Basically, the LSAT contains tions: some measuring the ability to read with understanding and insight; some focusing on the ability to understand structures of relationships and to draw conclusions about that structure; some evaluating the aptitude for understanding, analyzing, using and criticizing a variety of arguments. The LSAT is given four times ,a year with the next two tests being offered on Dec. 6, 1986 and Feb. 21,. 1987. Other graduate school admission tests to be’ aware of are: Test of English as a Foreign Language (TOEFL); Optometry College, Admission Test 1 (OCAT), Medical College Admission Test (MCAT),’ Pharmacy College Admission Test (PCAT), Dentali Admission Testing Program (DAT), and Millers Analogies Test ‘(MAT), of particular relevance to psychology students. Test dates, other information, and registration kits for many of these standardized _ tests can be obtained form the Career Information Centre, Needles Hall, room 1115. Don’t jeopardize your future education by not planning ahead today - find out about grad school admission test and requirements now.

-Campus h * QuesUon 1 Should gay rights be entrenched in the Ontario Human Rights Code?

Yes, everybody lowed to he want to.

Adam year-3

shoutd happy

Chamberlain Geography

be al-

if they . ,

If Human Rights are for humans and gays are mans too, then it should.

ALL hu-

Kelly Cascone year-2 Ret

Back to the paranormal *

the thumb and produces the required piece of bloody tumor from the patient’s internals. And the balloon? Smeared with blood, it passes as just another piece of tissue and is discarded with the rest.

Debunking Psychic Surgeons ,.a11the way to the bank. work of Arigo was introduced

by Robert Day Imprint staff Now that the silliness of the last few weeks is over, I can drag this column back into the realm of the paranormal whereit be’ longs. And the targets for today are those medical marvels of the paranormal, the psychic surgeons. ‘ It’s important to make the (sometimes blurred) distinction between the psychic surgeon type of quacks, and the religious faith healers (who are a different type of quack altogether; more on them someday). The most spectacular claim to fame of these surgeons is their ability to reach into an afflicted patient and remove tumors, cysts and cancers of all kinds, without making an incision or leaving any scars whatsoever. The common psychic operation takes only a few seconds and concludes with the surgeon triumphantly holding some totally unidentifiable piece of bloody flesh or tissue which he claims is the offending tumor, cyst, etc. The patient is none the worse for wear, the surgeon chalks up

another success, the spectators are suitably impressed and everyone

goes

home

happy,

with

OHIP none the wiser. It is perhaps unfair to accuse one country of having a monopoly on this totally reprehensible practice, but the Philippines seems to have the dubious honour of leading the world in psychic quacks per capita, the most famous being the late Jose Pedro de Freitas, better known as Arigo (not to be confused with Amiga, a personal computer which, while refusing to remove any part of your kidney, will be happy to draw you a picture of one in full color). The miracle

the world by John G. Fuller in his book Arigo: Surgeon of the Rusty Knife which Reader’s Digest, in a

moment of unbelievable journalistic irresponsibility, condensed in its March 1975 issue. (Sharp-eyed readers may recall Fuller’s name from a previous column on UFOs, where he proved to be utterly incapable of parsing a simple one-page contract. Isn’t it amazing how the same names seem to crop up whenever one starts to dig through the literature?) It would be useless to discuss in detail any of the cases that Fuller mentions in Arigo, since most of them appear to be second- or third-hand information,

and Fuller’s

method

of substan-

tiating some of these outrageous stories is to state that “both Brazilian and American doctors have verified Arigo’s healings”

and that “an enormous number of successful cases have been verified by responsible doctors”. What doctors, you ask? And what hospitals? Fuller unfortunately does not supply any names. He has also covered his posterior by not having published his book until Arigo died in’ a car accident in 1971, making any kind of rigorous testing impossible. How convenient. As for just, how these surgeons perform their get-em-in, get-em-out sleight-of-hand healing, we can turn to any one of Martin Gardner, James Randi or Dr. William Nolen, who have done a fair amount of research on these con artists. The most popular technique involves a fake thumb on one hand, made from a piece of flesh-colored balloon and filled with a small quantity of blood and animal tissue. Under the guise of reaching into the patient, the surgeon pulls off

But wait, you say! Surely it would be easy to tell the difference between an ovarian cyst and a piece of, say, chicken kidney. Certainly. Which is why some of these surgeons have a

large container of flaming alcohol next to the operating table to dispose

Biopsy? don’t. dent

of the “evil”

tissue

Not around

here,

Randi where

in.

you

mentions one incia quick-fingered

newsman managed to grab a piece of a supposed “tumor”; it later proved to be chicken tissue. The response of the surgeon involved was to place extra security around the operating table to prevent a repeat performance. For those who quite justifiably accuse Arigo, and those like him,

Yes, certainly! Surely Ontarions can be as accepting and tolerant as Canadians nationally. It’s important for our outside of the reputation province too. Stephanie von tear-2 Arts

Entranced? What’s this I hear about gays being entranced? Paul Done year-3 Economics

Dehr

of running a con game at the expense of terminally-ill, desper-

ate patients,

Fuller

presents

picture of Arigo as a devout Catholic who never charged for his services and died in poverty. Later reports show that Arigo had, in fact, owned a considerable amount -of property at the time of his death. In addition,

many of his wealthy

foreign

pa-

tients would need somewhere to stay, like the local luxury hotel (owned by Arigo’s brother). They would also have to have their mostly-worthless prescriptions filled somewhere, such as the local pharmacy (also owned by Arigo’s brother). Even though Arigo is no longer around, psychic medicine still abounds, with countless pretenders to the throne attracting patients from all parts of the globe who, after their supposed healing, return home no healthier, considerably poorer and in the dangerous position of believing that they no longer need genuine medical treatment. And somewhere, cash registers still ring.

No, because

. . .

Randall De Kraker year-4 Physics \

Yes, people should not discriminate against gay people at all.

Viola N. Safr Post-graduate

by Arka Roy, Grace & Sonny Flanagan

Schmidt

_ 8

NEW-S . Analysis:

by Doug Thompson Imprint staff It was sublime, it was ridiculous. Billed as a meeting between Soviets, Americans, and Academics to discuss Arms Control, it ‘sometimes seemed more like a three ring circus. lgor Doroseev (from Russia) sat on the left, and Jack Kangas(from America) sat on the right of the moderator. A panel of three academics sat together opposite. A two-thirds full Theatre of the Arts crowd watched, listened, cheered, jeered, and had opportunity occurred, would have had a nice little brawl amongst themselves. The American defense analyst was urbane and eloquent, spoke at great length, and with considerable sophistication about ICBMs, SLBMs, air breathing weapons, strategic nuclear weapons vs. those that were not . strategic, and especially Star Wars. “it is defensjve” he asserted. The goal of US policy, he said, was to move from a deterrence based on mutually -assured destruction, to a deterrence based on effective defense against nuclear attack The Soviet representative was a total contrast. Clearly more conformable with politics than technology, he was soft-spoken and quiet where the American was loud and brazen. His English was perfect British upper class, his speech slow, thoughtful, and at first hard to follow because of the deliberate pauses between each word. “Agreement was very close at Reykjavik,” he said. The problem was Star Wars, and the American refusal to abandon the project. He argued that the distinction between defensive and offensive weapons only caused double-think The effect of Star Wars, if it worked, would be to give the US the capacity to attackthe USSR and survive the counter-attack.

c causes U-W stir Imprint,

East- West summitry

Friday,

November

carefully “1 - think - it - is - the nothing to do with negotiating arms This was hardly “mutual security” he - American Administration”. That control. The power at work is not that argued. The deployment of Star one got quite a bit of clapping. Wars would force the Soviets to of making the other guy conform to either produce a similar system, or There were also the anti-Soviets, your will, but rather finding a comincrease the number of nuclear delivwho took less delight in applauding man will for peace and agreeing on ery vehicles so as to be sure to satuthe American representative. His ap- areas where you will not t@ to coerce preach was not particularly political each other. rate the defensive system. or partisan. it was a technician’s apThe logical alternative, he argued, Although no one said it at the was to get rid of all nuclear delivery preach. Every question was ans- meeting, the real problem with endwered ‘with great technical vehicles, and bombs, on both sides. ing the arms race seems to be the Then there would be no need of a _ complexity. In his answer to the quesarms race. It has established a way of tion as to the greatest single barrier thinking about world peace which defense, both sides would save vast to amx control, he listed the percenamounts of money and manpower, defines it as a battle, a battle to force tages of ICMBs and SLBMs and “airthe other side into not making war. and the world could breathe more easily. breathing’* weapons in the arseneis For many years this has been acby MD - (mutdy a+ Dr. Toivo Miljan, a panelist from of the two nations. The problem, he complishd suggested, was the difficulty in calcuWLU, began the real debate by argusured destruction). lating and agreeing on the relative ing that the Soviet effort to ban The American arms control prop effectiveness of such different kinds osa]s seem to assure that the USSR atomic bombs altogether was unof weapons. . realistic. One does have to wonder cannot make war. Reagan’s new Star Given that the USSR is arguing for though, if the Russians urge it, and Wars idea does this both by assuring the elimination of ALL atomic the Americans are seriously considthe destruction of the Soviet nation ering it, how can it be called “unrealbombs, and a!1 delivery systems, this by US missiles and the protection of istic”. Can anyone imagine that such really didn’t seem terribly to the the American nation from Soviet a policy, if agreed to by both the USA point. Whether in subs, or silos, or missiles. If anything seems utterly unand the USSR, could be blocked by bombers, if they’re eliminated, realistic, it must surely be the idea they’re eliminated. any force in the world? Indeed, a polthat this deal could in any way appeal icy jointly implemented by both suIn discussing treaties, Jack several to the USSR! The American proposperpowers must surely be the times mentioned “they are just pieals limit Soviet capacity to make war, . ultimate in realism. ces of paper” and that no penalties or but do not limit American capacity to That’s how it began, but it consanctions resulted from violating make war. Indeed, they expand tinued like that. The governments them. lqor responded to this with American capacity by limiting the which Jack Kangas and Igor Dorohorror, saying that at least for his Russians’ ability. to restrain them. seev represented were subjected to a government, an arms control treaty America, freed from the threat of asrather wild barrage of disconnected, was a very serious matter and would sured destruction, would have won and often irrelevant attacks. At one be scrupulously honoured. Jack, it the war of peace by being in a posi- point, the meeting itself was subseemed, being the technician, was .” tion to force any nation to conform to jected to an attack as one audience uncomfortable with the / realization its will. member accused the organizers of that in the end the solution lay in the The Russians seem to be talking a having falsely advertised the affair as hands, not of the defense analysts, or new idea, an idea of peace based on involving “official representatives”. bomb-designers, but in the political mutual weakness - get rid of the The organizers pointed out that the process of agreement between peonuclear arms. It is an idea which has ad just. said “representatives”, and ple, agreements enforced not by the seemed “unrealistic” for many years. that Jack and lgor had been sent by threat of nuclear explosions, but by But is it? if a superpower is pushing it, their respective embassies. lgor the desire (hopefully on both sides) it is suddenly much more realistic. asked, “What’s the matter, you want for a safer world, and better relations. Historically, nations have been wilus to leave?” While wars are fought with misling to limit their armaments. In the There were the anti-Americans siles and guns, and wars are all about 192Os, the Western powers sank who applauded lgois better lines. forcing the other side to comply with their navies and limited their armies When he was asked what was the your will, wars are avoided, especially in an attempt at achieving a de-militsingle biggest barrier to arms control between equals, by very different arized world. And yes, two nations he answered, very slowly, and very means. The power of coercion has abrogated the treaty and WW II re-

WATPUBS WINTER

‘87

28, 1986

sulted, but WW II only became nuclear in its last hours. A World War 111, if it happened, even after a total elimination of nuclear weapons, would become nuclear within weeks or hours, depending on whether everyone really did get rid of all-their bombs. in the event of war, nations would almost certainly start building new bombs. But a nuclear weapons ban would assure that the number of bombs and delivery systems was much reduced. The world could survive a Zlozen nuclear bombs. It cannot survive 50,000. And the Russian idea suggests an international diplomacy based on - cooperation and negotiation rather that coercion and fear. If that really is “unrealistic”, then so is any hope for ‘*a future for the human race. The most bitter attack on the Soviet position came from UW Psychology Professor Stan Reinis. The Czechoslovakian emigre, quoted from a Russian Communist Party declaration which stated that the present era was one in which Capitalism would give way to Socialism, he heaccusedthesovietsofanagg~~ stance toward the West which made peace impossible, and which led him to be doubtful of Soviet sincerity in wanting peace. lgor responded with surprise. He said it was true that Rus- ’ sia felt capitalism was on the way out, and believed in the ideals of communism. “But why do you call that aggressive?’ he asked. “You can find hardly any Americans who are not strong believers in capitalism, but you don’t call that aggressive?” Allusions were made to cases of Soviet interference in other countries - countered by examples of American interference in other countries - which all brought it back to a matter of fear and trust. Fear has got us to the current predicament. And it does not look like it can get us out. If trust doesn’t manage to work where fear has failed . . . .

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by Marie Scdivy Imprint staff It was a cold January night, eight days before her fifteenth birthday. She was exhausted. All through her gymnastics practice Elizabeth kept thinking how good it would feel to go home, finish her homework, and fall into bed. She said good-bye to her gym coach and started walking to the bus stop. She glanced at ’ her watch; it was quarter to nine. She had about ten minutes to catch her bus. She wondered what had happened to Nathalie; this was the second time in a row she hadn’t shown up to practice. They usually walked to the bus stop together; it was safer that way, especially since they had to cut across the school yard . . . She heard footsteps behind her and immediately tensed up. Glancing back, she noticed someone quite a distance behind her. She tried to rationalize,- telling herself other people used this path in the evening; even when Nathalie alrd she walked together, there was always someone else around. Then he jumped on her, knocking her to the ground. For a fraction of a second, she was petrified. Then she realized she had to try to get away. Her attacker was trying to unzip her pants. All she could think about was getting away. He was punching her face and sticking his fingers into her eyes, but she didn’t even feel the pain. She pulled one of her mittens off by using her knees. She grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled with all her might until she felt him loosening his hold pn her. She managed to get to her knees, and then finally to stand up. By this time, he was pulling her hair and still punching her. She tore away, leaving him holding a handful of her hair. She ran back into the school, not bothering to grab her gym bag. She didn’t care if it was stolen; she just wanted to get away. As she was running, she was afraid he’d run after her. Her knees felt like jelly; she felt she was barely moving. And she kept wondering why nobody came to help her.

are planned. Commonly, three steps are taken by a would-be rapist before the actual attack: selecting, testing, and threatening the victim. To test whether she is fearful or assertive, an attacker often asks a potential’ victim for information when she is alone. Fearfulness and vulnerability open the door for threats and physical attack. About 25 per cent of rapes occur after the assailant has made initial contact with the victim by requesting information or posing as a serviceman. Only about one third of victims are raped by strangers. Very often, the rapist is a friend or acquaintance. In a study conducted in American colleges by Ms. Magazine, approximately half of rapes disclosed were date rapes. Victims of date rape are usually in high school or university. This type of experience can be more devastating than other forms of assault. Karen was a victim of date rape when she was 17, and for three years afterward, had trouble admitting to herself she had actually been raped. She was confused by what happened to her; nobody had ever warned her of a possibility of something like this. “It was one of our earlier dates. We went to dinner and then we drove to a dark spot to neck. He just didn’t stop when I said no. I was confused because he wasn’t behaving the way I expected him to. I-cared for him and now he wasn’t listening to me. I went home as if nothing had happened, and I didn’t tell anyone for years. I just repressed the entire thing. It was too awful, too unbelievable; he was

The whole incident lasted only two or three minutes, but to Elizabeth it seemed -like hours. In ‘some ways, the incident has lasted for years. “When 1 ran back into the school, I told the security guard what had happened,” says Elizabeth, “and he called the police. Then I tried calling home, but I was shaking so hard I couldn’t even dial the number. The police came and asked me a ’ whole bunch of questions. Then they went with me to get my bag and drove me home.” It is important to realize sexual assaults are not motivated by sexual desire. _ Classifying rape as a sexual offense merely shifts the blame from the attacker to the victim. Rape victims range in age from six months to over ninety years. One woman who worked as a volunteer with the disabled said two of the girls there had been raped. Obviously, their inability to defend themselves made them “good” victims. Cindy was assaulted walking through Waterloo Park last year. “I was wearing a big yellow ra’ncoat and trudging through the mud,” s d e says. “It was about five o’clock, still light, but just sort of beginning. to get dark.” She heard somebody running up behind her. Like Elizabeth, she tried to rationalize by telling herself it was only a jogger when the guy suddenly grabbed her. “I looked vulnerable, that’s the word the police stressed,” she says. While most assault victims are between the ages of 15 and 25, they cannot be accused of leading the assailants 0%; one study found nearly 75 per cent of assaults

my friend. ” After being assaulted, a victim generally goes through rape-trauma syndrome. The first, or acute stage of disorganization is characterized by shock, disbelief, anger, fear, anxiety, self-blame, insomnia, headaches, eating problems, depression, loss of temper, arid menstrual irregularities. “The sense of self-worth is affected,” says Jack Williams, director of Counselling Services in Needles Hall. “Some women feel they’re less worthy: it’s the idea ‘I’m dirty because this happened.“’ “There is guilt at an emotional level, even if it is rationalized away. There’s still that doubt, or wondering ‘was it my fault?’ This is probably partly due to society,” Williams admits. “I felt it had somehow been my fault,” says Elizabeth. “My mother didn’t help any. She said I should quit gymnastics and shouldn’t wear tight clothes. The jeans I was wearing weren’t even all that tight, they just fit well.” “The worst of it was that I didn’t have anyone to talk to about it. I mentioned the incident to a couple of friends, but they just couldn’t relate to it. I guess at 14 and 15 it’s hard to. To them rape and assault was something that happened to other people, not to anyone you knew. They just couldn’t handle the thought that maybe it could have been them.” “I felt guilty for a long. time afterward. About ._ two_ and a .-half _ years after .*.the . incident, 1 was talking to a good triend who is a psychologist. I mentioned what had happened, and he sensed I still blamed myself for it.

.‘Well, I was just walking to the dus stop when . . . I started explaining again. ‘That’s not what I asked,’ he interrupted. ‘What did you do to lead him on?’ I looked at him, puzzled, not quite sure what he meant. ‘Nothing.’ ‘Don’t ever forget that,’ he said. ‘it was him who did something wrong, not you.’ And you know, that was my first step from blaming myself for what had happened.” During the long-term process of reorganization, some women move and change phone numbers. Some take trips or experience nightmares in which they relive the experience. “The worst thing is that it’s not something that just happens once; it happens over and over. It’s something I relive in my mind,” says Karen. It is also common for assault victims to develop intense fears. Those who were attacked indoors may subsequently be afraid of staying indoors alone. Those attacked outside are often afraid of stepping out of their house. Others become afraid of crowds, and some who had been attacked’ from behind cannot tolerate anyone walking behind them. “If I’m walking and there’s someone behind me, I’ll stop and pretend to be tying my shoe or something,” says Cindy: “It got to the point where I couldn’t stand to have anyone behind me at all. I started sitting at the back of the class in school. Usually, I tried to get the back corner seat. That way, I could turn at an angle and see the whole class. I had to know where everyone was. If anyone were to stand behind me, I’d tense up and couldn’t concentrate. During exams, if the teacher stood behind me for a while, my mind would completely stop functioning and I’d have to stop writing for a while.” Assault also affects women in their relationships with men, although “it is not predictable as to how,” says Jack Williams, who has counselled a number of assault victims. Some women do adjust sexually, while others don’t. Some have trouble getting into relationships. In a couple of the cases he has dealt with, the rape victims subsequently became overly dependent on their boyfriends. According to Williams, possibly once the woman has

found someone she can trust, she may be afraid of trying to relate to others who may not be as” trustworthy. “Has it affected my relationships? Definitely!” says Karen. “Even if I’m with someone I care about, I get flashbacks of fear and I’ll just freeze. Maybe it would have been easier if I had had positive relationships before, but I was a virgin at the time. After the rape, I think I became sexually active because I wanted some positive experiences. I look for a man who’s sensitive and won’t pressure me sexually, and it’s made me more cautious. The first time I go out with someone, I watch very carefully for his reaction when I say no to something sexual. If his attitude is ‘I want you now,’ no matter how I feel, I’ll never see him again.” “Since I’ve remembered what happened, I haven’t dated anyone for more than six months, but I think that might be because of the people I’ve been meeting rather than because of the rape. I’m not as trusting as I’d like to be, though; I never totally let my guard down until I know the person quite well. The first sexual .experience with a new partner is always frightening; I have a really hard time relaxing.” \ *_

“For six or seven months after I was attacked, I couldn’t look at a guy and see him as a person,” says Elizabeth. “He was always a potential rapist. Even now, I’m not sure of the extent to which the incident has affected me; it seems like each time I meet someone, a new aspect surfaces. All I know is that I haven’t been able to have the kind of relationship I’d like to have, and I think fear is a strong element. Sometimes I almost get the feeling I set myself up for failure in order to avoid confronting some of the impacts of the assault. For some reason I tend to get attracted to men who are unavailable and thus ‘safe’. Maybe it’s because men in a serious relationship have learned to be more sensitive; often I don’t know that he’s involved when I first become interested.” “Another thing is I can’t stand to be told what to do. I can be a really affectionate person, but it has to come from me. If a boyfriend or a male friend is feeling down, 1% give him a hug. But if the person says to me “give me a hug,” I start feeling pressured and just tense up. Indirectly, it’s affected all the men I know.” Although Williams agrees something must be done about the problem, he is not sure what. “I’m not sure if publicity k helps,” he says. “It might make people more aware, but it can also create paranoia .” Women trying to combat rape and assault, however, feel that denying the problem isn’t going to get rid of it. It has to be confronted. It is important for women to protect themselves and to become more assertive. They should be careful, without

Perhaps the real root of the problem is a lack of communication between the sexes. This communication has to come from .both sides, for while there has been much attention paid to the problems of women, men can be victims as well. “I’ve heard of guys who have been pressured into sex by girls, and it’s hurt them too,” says Elizabeth. “In fact, I think it might be worse for them, because they’re supposed to be strong and to want sex. But I think it’s got to work both ways; no person has a right to force another person into something like that. It has to be mutual. I don’t think the answer is necessarily only for women to be more assertive in sexual relationships; I think people should learn to communicate.” Karen agrees with the importance of educating people to the problem. “I wish I had been more aware,” she says. “I wish that in high school, as people were starting to date, they had talked about date rape and sex roles. That way I might have had the resources to deal with it.”

stepping into the bounds of paranoia. Self defense-courses designed specially for women are available.Women must realize it is not enough to avoid walking alone after dark. 49 per cent of all sexual assaults and 18 per cent of rapes occur in broad daylight. Approximately one_.

half of all attacks occur in the home, and more than half of assailants are known to their victims. “I always keep the’ front door locked, even when I’m home,” says Elizabeth. “I’ve had roommates in the past who would get mad at me for doing that; they felt it was a bother to go through the process of unlocking the door only to find me inside. But that way, if-anybody tries to break in, at least I’ll hear them, and I’ll have a chance to run.” To a large extent, assault, especially date rape, is the result of sdcialization and sex role stereotyping. Men are taught to be aggressive. They learn that in order to feel successful, they have to score with the opposite sex. When their attempts are frustrated, they may resort to physical force.

In a 1969 study by E.J. Kanin, about 25 per cent of a sample of 300 male university students had tried to force at least one partner into sex. For women, it is frightening that society accepts this as natural. In a 1970 survey conducted by D.L. Mosher, 36 per cent of college males endorsed the statement “You have to fuck some women before they know who is boss.” It is not uncommon for men to believe if a woman is resisting, it is because she doesn’t want to appear easy, but she really does want to’ have sex. Rape: The Price of Coercive Sexuality, documents one case where a girl from Quebec was visiting Toronto. She met a man, and they had a few drinks and talked. Upon hearing she was from out of-town, the man mentioned he had an extra bed in his apartment, and told her she was welcome to stay. She accepted the offer, returned to his place with him, and went to sleep, fully clothed. She awoke somewhat later to find him fondling her breasts and kissing her. When she resisted, he overpowered her. The girl reported the rape to the police. When he was questioned, the man admitted to having had sex with her, but claimed he hadn’t raped her; he said he hadn’t used any more force than is usual for males during preliminaries.

“he had grown up that women really raped, and he was to find it wasn’t

believing like to be devastated true..”

The question to ask is: Is it usual for men to use force? Has this become the accepted way of life in our society? Karen says her rapist went through an intense period of remorse. “Afterward, he asked me if I had enjoyed it, and when he saw how hysterical I was, he was really upset.’ He had really believed I would like it, and when I didn’t he was confused. He had grown up believing that women really liked to be raped, that she’d enjoy it in the end, and he was devastated to find it wasn’t true. Years later, I spoke to him about it, and he told me he would feel bad about what had happened for the rest of his life.” Rapists are really an extreme version of the macho role model men are expected to follow. Although they come from all walks of life, what rapists do have in common is an intense hostility toward women and a need to dominate and humiliate them through rape. At the same time men are socialized to be aggressive and competitive, women are taught to be passive, cooperative, and submissive. When confronted with a physical attack, they don’t know how to react or fight back. Elizabeth recalls being told on several occasions how lucky she was to get away. She credits this to fighting with her older brother as a child. “My brother was physically stronger than I was, so I learned how to fight dirty. While he would be using his fists, I’d be pulling hair and biting. And you know, that’s how I got away, by pulling the guy’s hair. Actually, I was lucky to get away; the police told me there had been three girls raped in the area by what appears to be the same person.” - x-Y.=.3 1 --.--.2.

“What that fear, man

really makes me angry is I have to live with this that I have to see every as a potential rapist.” ’

“Rape won’t stop happening until men and women realize they can choose their roles,” says Karen. She and Elizabeth both feel both men and women are locked into these roles, and often don’t realize how much it’s hurting them. “I focus on women because women are more open to change,” says Karen. “I have hope for the children of today; women are beginning to talk about it (rape) and they’re becoming more aware. These women are the ones who are bringing up children.” Elizabeth feels men should be targeted more. “Sure you can take measures to decrease your chances of assault, but as long as attitudes persist, rape will go on. Safety tips just keep victims off the streets, not the rapists. It’s the potential rapists that have to be educated. I’m not talking about the few maniacs; you’ll always have some of those around and there’s not much you can do about that except maybe have harsher penalties. But so many rapes result from poor communication and false beliefs. That’s what has to change.” “We’ve got to let people define what they want to do; we’ve got to teach them to let go of roles,” says Karen. Karen also feels it is important that people be aware of what is happening. Unfortunately, the vast majority of assaults remain unreported. It is estimated that four of five victims do not disclose the incident to anybody, while only about one in 10 report it to the police. Cindy was one-ofthe few people who did report her attack. “If there’s one thing I’d like you to stress,” she says, “it’s how sympathetic and understanding the -Waterloo police were. I really have to commend them.” “Sometimes when I walk through the park on my way home, I’ve seen perverts hanging around and reported them,” says Karen. “I have to admit; the police have always been really polite.” Cindy does have a concern regarding the legal system. Although there is strong evidence her assailant was involved in two assaults reported near Waterloo Square recently, the police have refused to release a composite sketch of the suspect because he is probably a minor. Cindy feels it is unjust he be protected at the cost of safety to women. In trying to protect one suspect until proven guilty, the legal system is failing to protect many w’ men. Three assaults have been reporte ; if only one of 10 assaults are reporte , he may well have attacked some 3 women so far. Although he is not kno,% n to have raped anyone yet, there is ;fear that it will be his next step. One of the reasons for low reporting of rape is the low conviction rate. Despite recent changes to the law, rape victims are still viewed as guilty. Sexual history should not affect a woman’s right to choose, yet in the eyes of society, it does. , Even if a woman has said yes before, she should have a right to say no. If somebody has previously given money or gifts to a friend and then decides one time not to, he/she is not treated as though guilty of something. The same holds even

for prostitutes; if somebody is selling any other commodity, society still does not give any person the right to steal that commodity from him/her. Under the new laws governing sexual assault, sexual history cannot be brought in unless judged relevant. However, there are no hard and fast rules for determining relevance. The fact remains that most rapists escape conviction, whether because they are deemed not to have intended to rape (largely determined by social attitudes), or because their word is given more weight than that of the victim. This is especially true if the rapist is someone in good standing in society, and helps explain why reporting of rapes by university students is even lower than that of the general population. It is impossible to ascertain just how much of a problem assault and rape is on the UW campus. In a survey conducted on a college campus in 1977, 70 per cent of the women had been assaulted at some point since beginning college. The category included forced kissing, forced fondling of breasts or genitals, and attempted rape. Other studies indicate one in five female college students is raped. Yet despite repeated requests by the Women’s Commission, the Women’s Centre, and Imprink, campus security has not yet released statistics regarding on-campus assaults.

One problem created when assaults go unreported is that women do not knowwhich places to avoid. The Women’s Commission and the Women’s Centre are encouraging women who have been assaulted to let them know when and where the incident has occurred. This can be done anonymously by sending a note to the Women’s Centre through on-campus mail. Unfortunately, resources for rape and assault victims in the area are limited. There is no rape crisis centre in K-W, although thereis one in Guelph. Area hospitals offer immediate medical attention. Community Justice Initiatives runs self-help counselling groups for victims of all sorts of assault, but they do not provide legal advice. The Victims’ Services Program of the Waterloo Police provides short-term crisis intervention. They refer victims to community resources and appropriate counselling services. When’the victim is asked to appear at her assailant’s trial, a worker from the program will accompany her if she so desires. The Program also acts as a liaison to keep the victim informed of what is going or-t. While assault victims never forget the incident, “they can learn to come to terms with it,” says Williams. Karen is still angry about what happened. “I’ve tried to learn from the experience without becoming bitter,” she ’ says. “Anger can be productive; bitterness never is. What really makes me angry is that I have to live with this fear, that I have to see every man as a potential rapist, that women have to live with this fear. I think if another guy was to attack me like that, I’d kill him. I don’t ever want to stop caring about the issue; if I let go of my anger, it would be as if I didn’t care anymore.” Although she will always carry the pain and anger of rape inside her, Karen says _ it helped sensitize her to the issue. “I’ve learned to defend myself, and it has made me more independent. I’m a stronger person now.”

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Go Four 3 brings rare zeal to Kitchener show Nov. 2, by Chris Imprint

Wodskou staff

things Usually one of two happens when you go to a concert. Some bands, such as The Grapes of Wrath earlier this month, put on an entertaining show, but sacrifice their intensity to reproducing studio sound. Others, like Hunters and Collectors, throw all the rules of recording a commercially viable record out the window to produce a live show that is loud and devastatingly rhythmic - infinitely superior to-their vinyl. . Go Four 3 enthralled a nearly full Level 21 last Friday by doing both. Mind you, the very nature of their mini-album and forthcoming longplayer lends itself perfectly to boisterous live shows that remain true to their sound. This is pop at its most melodic but, bless ‘em, without the innocuous politeness that would get ‘it on the radio. People were singing along, playing air guitar along with Steve Quinn’s rambunctious chording, and dancing like heathens to the insistent thrust of Gord Badanic’s muscular bass and Ian Noble’s tightly popping drums. But the focus of attention was, of

course, lead singer Roxanne Heichert. Bounding about the stage-and onto chairs throughout the audience with an almost pixieish energy and nimbleness, her demea- I nor belied the sheer, joyous strength of her singing. Despite a limited range and a sound system that could make Lady Aretha sound flat, her voice literally filled the room with its presence, sort of a force larger than the music itself. Musical academics and purists would probably be dubious about Roxanne’s technical imperfection, but her combination of girlish naivete and spirited dynamicism firmly entrenched songs like Just Another Day, Waiting For A Train and a grunged-up, but all the more powerful, cover of To Sir With Love in the mind long after the ringing in the ears had faded. I could easily exhaust a thesaurus of synonyms for “bright” or “exuberant”, but suffice it to say that from the delirious poppunk catchiness to the more blasting-forward, melodic tension of the new album to the covers of suddenly hip-again roller rink “classics” such as Roxy Roller and Ballroom Blitz, Go Four 3 is a band of rare zeal and

unpretentious fun. If you missed them this time, don’t fret your little heads about it - they’ll be back to promote Six Friends this April. And just a note about Young Pagans, a group of local boys who are among the latest in that fine tradition of bored kids with nothing better to do than pay homage to musical heroes and write songs about being young, male, and lonely. Despite the ro-ugh edges that are inevitable with a young band, their opening set showed heaps of prqmise. Their heavily post-punk influenced sound was a deft, if derivative, brooding tunefulness made more palatable by a liberal helping of energy. There were problems the songs adhered almost unwaveringly to descending chord progressions and bass lines of a Bauhaus strain, the vocals were not altogether confident nor forceful, and the drumming was at times inadequate. But keep in mind that this was their first gig and had enough good songs and sharp guitar playing to bode well for the future. If they can find a voice of their own, The Young Pagans may become something important.

Hunters deliver intensity by John Zdchariah Imprint staff As I arrived at Fed Hall for the Hunters and Collectors show, one of‘the opening acts, Catchpenny, an a capella group, were winding down their set. The four members of the group were polished and tight but their act seemed out of place that evening, considering the other bands that were playing. Nonetheless, the material I heard them perform was interesting, though it’s debatable whether or not Lola lends itself to a voice-only treatment. Next up was Tulpa, from Toronto, a remarkably versatile trio playing guitar, bass and drums. Drawing from a variety of styles, their music is powerful and, on occa-

sion, aggressive. I’d never heard this band before and was pleasantly surprised and impressed, as the rest of the audience appeared to be. All three players were quite able and by the time the band closed their set, with Sex Bomb, the crowd had been treated to an excellent show. Soon after came Hunters and Collectors. As one critic has accurately pointed out, the band consists of two distinct elements, the first being the threesome playing guitar, bass and drums and the second being the horn section, consisting of a trombonist, trumpet player and French horn player, all of whom could double on keyboards. Guitarist and singer Mark Seymour and bassist Jon Archer provided most of the muscle and, as the night pro-

gressed, the group drew more and more people onto the dance floor. Seymour is an engaging front man, perhaps only because the rest of the band really doesn’t do much else except stand there and play. He seemed pretty tireless, though, and led his band through spirited and boisterous renditions of a number of the band’s songs, most of which were drawn from their latest release. The material from that record is somewhat tame compared to some of their early work, but in a live setting, most of the songs seemed equally intense. After two encores, the band closed for good, promising to return in the spring. Should they see fit to pass through these parts, let’s hope the Feds see fit to book them again.

Go Four

3 at Kitchener’s

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photo

by Joe

November

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21,1986

Diitres Filig .Live 1975 . Th

Workers

Electric Cafe Third Stage Guide to Canada

\ JUST

ARRIVED

1. Ray Condo & His Hrdrock Goners . . . *. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Crazy Date 2. Johnny Winter . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Third Degree 3. Georgia Satellites Based on sales at the Record Store, Campus Universitv of Waterloo

Centre

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FoJk& Blues Club Coffeehouse provides pleasurable diversion by David

Hunters

and Collectors

on stage

last week

at Fed

Hall

photo

by Peter

Stathopulos

Flurey

The coffeehouse staged last Friday evening by the UW Folk & Blues Club, in conjunction with Amnesty International, was an exceptipnal and pleasurable event. These days, it’s not difficult to become discouraged by the sterile, high-tech, image-centred music being offered for consumption - not only on this campus, but in the community at large. This is not to deny the validity of this of music presented in this format,. However, its inherent weaknesses become rather obvious, when viewed against the events of last Friday night at the Undergrad Lounge at Hagey Hall. The direct, unadorned presentations drew from a variety of musical sources: from traditional ethnic folk to more contemporary swing and reggae styles. Where necessary, amplified instruments instruments were employed, but the overall feel was decidedly acoustic. The over-capacity crowd de-

serves as much credit for the success of the evening as tye musicians and poets who entertained until midnight. Their responses to each individual, or group, was a reflection of the strong audience/performer communication , that-. was maintained throughout. The responses ranged from support and encouragement to straight-out appreciation. The atmosphere, on stage and off, was relaxed enough to allow a free exchange of emotional responses to flow. Special mention should be given to Errol Blackwood, formerly of Messenjah, whose spirited and souiful set really reached the crowd. Blackwood’s final number, John Lennon’,s Give Peace A pChance was the highlight of the evening. Anyone interested in being part of an intimate and lively musical gathering and/or in supporting the cause of Amnesty International should watch out for the next Folk & Blues Club Coffeehouse early in the Winter Term.

Cameo

by Paut Done Imprint staff After eight gold albums since 1?77 and 20 million records sold, Cameo have only recently begun to make inroads into the White pop market. Since 1984’s She’s Strange, Larry Biackmon and friends have received more and more support from nonBlack clubs while maintaining their old audience. Their latest single Word Up!, could be their big breakthrough, having already registered a Top 3 showing on the British singles charts. What a single it is - sternum-crushing beats, hard-edged guitar and celebratory lyrics add up to one of the year’s best singles. Cameo’s crossover success is due, in no sJnaii part, to the eciectitheir cism which characterizes music. Word Up! (the album) deftly combines crunching beatbox, power-chording rock ‘n’ roll guitar, Afro-Cuban percussion along with

“Startrek The Voyage

IV” Home

the group chants and hard bass associated- with Funk. Long ago, Cameo established that they wouldn’t remain stagnant and Word Up!‘s sledgehammer beats are a marked change from the subtler percussion textures of their last album, Single Life. One thing which hasn’t changed about their songwriting is their cheeky lyrics. Though Cameo have a penchant for singing about S&M (Alligator Woman, the Room 123 remix of She’s Strange), when they’re not doing that their lyrics possess a smirking wit which indicates a greater level of thought than most funk groups. Word Up is not faultless, though, there are a couple of syrupy ballads - Candy for one - that the album could have done without. Furthermore, there’s nothing on the rest of the album to match the toughness of the first single - an ironic reversal of the usual “soft single sells hard album” pattern. Despite the faults, Word Up definitely contains some solid beats and grooves. Best experienced at brainfrying volume.

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“The

by Don, Kudo . 1 imprint staff Written and produced by ex-Waterboys’ bassist Karl Waiiinger, Private Revolution provides an overall good feeling. The music is

well-suited for background tunes as one is studying for those dreaded finals. You can tap y‘our foot and sing along with the repetitive chorus lines while not fearing to be attacked by a musical monster as there is no real swing in mood or tempo throughout the album. The happy pop that prevails on this album starts off lamely spinning a’nd builds up to a few good finishing numbers. A peppy Steely Dan

by Pete Lawson Imprint staff Vaulting to the top of the charts with a pleasant sounding ditty has not been the story of Toronto’s Vital Sines. This dark musical unit, having begun sometime in the late (late) Seventies, has gained recognition in a humble but steady fashion. Their latest, vinyl offering should satisfy the tribe who haunt dark places and is surely not a slice for the easily offended (mtisicaiiy). Big Dark Dreams, a six-song album, restates the Sines’ approach to music, heavy, heavy, and heavy. Do not misconstrue this label, they are not a hardrock band, but a group playing . . . Let’s say - white electric soul with crunch. Topping hard crunch bass and brashrhythms with rock guitar, which is often edgy, they differ from the American black funksters who derive they finish from R & B and jazz (that horn sound). .A personnel change accompanies the latest album; Kurt Swinghammer adds his guitar riffs to the drums of Glenn l’&ichem, the bass of Terry Michaelson, and the voice

of Rick Winkle. The album burns down with the first cut (and best cut), Fear of the Cold. A seductive bass grove, coupled with multi-rhythms (especially the cowbell) makes this tune a must for the dance floor. Climbing the Air with a more relaxed pace, grinds from the bass and Sorry again extends the meaty bass sound: a primitive attack, reminiscent of the early Gang of Four. The flip side is not as exciting as the first, though Break the Chains is being touted as a possible radio buster material. Though it is pulsed by a grab-your-ass bassline and a little out-of-control guitar, the package does not have the get-in-there feeiing of Fear of the Cold The album certainly deserves a listen, actually several listens; the stark approach of Vital Sines must be mulled-over to be appreciated. The bass and drums are this groups staple, but Swinghammer throws in licks aplenty on guitar. Rick Winkle’s v&ice is intense, but thin and piercing at times when a more broad sound would be effective. Their edgy sound will be live at the Coronet Motor Inn (Kitchener Victoria St.) on Dec. 4. The sound at the Coronet should be fantastic for the Sines. For a big price of $5 advance and $6 at the door, you should not miss this one.

by Tim Imprint

Perlich staff

her way of singing on Baby The Stars Shine Bright, it’s that everything else around her has. The lyrics have become less specific and the once simple acoustic accompaniment so well suited to her tired, grey voice has been replaced by a glitzy 40 piece orchestra and an eight-person choir.

Tracey and Ben always loved to walk th’at narrow ledge overlooking the chasm of ‘easy listening’ hell. Sure, her voice-never could express a wide range of emotions, but what she did convey in her narrow scope bore an unquestionably truthful quality. No one could give a minor kitchen sink drama such a feeling of fragile preciousness and that, at least in the past, was enough to save them. But no mare. It’s not that Tracey has changed

Needless to say, Tracey is completely overwhelmed by the brass/string bombast. Numb, souless, try as she might the songs’ stumbling mass can only inspire a sleepy yawn. Their is nothing particularly joyful or sad about the songs, no anger, no remorse, and above ail no humour. The subtle quaintness that made Everything But The Girl’s songs special has been lost in their fall into the’ contemporary adult . abyssof everlasting moderation . .. pity them.

by Pete Lawson Imprint staff What does a label such as New Age Music mean? The music is a hybrid of Western pop, jazz, ciassicai, and folk and world wide rhythms and harmonies and has gained at tention through companies such as Windham Hill Records. Now, Poiygram Records has created a division, Airea, to produce their additibns to this growing musical market (for Yuppies) with such names as Durutti Column, Jean Michei Jarre, Vangeiis, and Rick Wakeman. Rick Wakeman came to fame with the Strawbs and Yes, especially Yes on their Yes Songs album (classic stuff). But on Country Airs piano solos he is not programming instruments (keyboards), he is tinkling on a grand piano, creating mei: low music for a mellow generation.

Flogging a record which achieves its objective is a truly bitching, but this style of music strives for congeniality and Country Airs achieves this complacent sound. The notes are not horrid but rather tepid because it is short on diversity, using the standard piano teFhnique& of continuous flowing broken chords from the left hand and the right hand providing the topping of single notes and block chords. The rhythms and tempos also lack variance, every song seems to be structured on a tempo of andante (walking pace). Ail-of the songs have outdoor tities such,as Waterfalls, or Quiet Vaileys. The albums best work Quiet Valleys has the closest sound to dissonance which gives it spice. With great quotations from the press releases such as “more meditative environmental music” or “a iuxtiriant, almost therapeutic quaiity” how can any listener disagree with such heavenly tones. Because it lacks enough dissonance tozmake it invigorating, this congenial music will not curdle the milk in your Sunday morning coffee. _

sounding opening song, Private Revolution, is as lightweight as Wallinger gets on the album. Each time he croons that magical pop term “baybee”, the song becomes increasingly frivolous and borders on floating away into the vast wastelands of popular music. However the Wallinger solo effort is saved by a some nice selections including the maturely written and presented, It Can Be Beautiful (Sometimes). Sitar, trumpet, and cacading chimes are intertwined with Waiiinger vacating his Jaggerlike drawl for a lighter, and uitimately soothing, vocal stance. A nice album, no politics or rebel anthems, that not only is suitable for study periods but could be given to that certain hip aunt for Christmas when you run out of ideas. She won’t get a shock and she may dig the groovy cover art.

by John Zachariah Imprint staff From Australia comes Human Frailty, by Hunters and Collectors, who were at Fed Hail a couple of nights ago. You may or may not have heard the muscular 99th Home Position on the radio; if you have, know that the rest of the album is not like that. In fact, its quite a diverse- collection of songs, most of which are really good. The band’s greatest strength is its rhythm section, a taut yet nimble interplay of bass and drums, sounding, in many cases, like Pylon. It’s this rhythm section, working with Mark Seymour’s sparing yet effective guitar work, which makes songs like Dog and Everything’s On Fire so incredibly supple. But there’s more. Relief, with its bracing horn lines, sounds like the Faith Brothers in their stride. Is There Anybody In-There is Seymour’s brutal indictment of TV excess and the album is closed with the beautiful, though understated This Moining. Human Frailty is a well played bunch of pop and rock songs sure to please most. The band has described this record as a change for the better and the turning of a new leaf. If so, Hunters and Collectors should have quite a future ahead of them.

by John Zachqriah Imprint staff The Peel Sessions: New Order is only for collectors. Recorded in 1982, the four songs on this EP are little more, than filler, the kind of filler that was stuffed in between the good songs on records like Movement. The disc is kicked off by Turn the Heater On, a slow moving, ethereal piece filled with thick synth lines and punctuated by Bernard Aibrecth’s slow moving, ethereal singing and guitar playing. The next song, We All Stand, is more of the same. On

side two, the band finally starts to show signs of life with 5.6.8.. The song begins with a nice, thick bass and synth line, showing promise’ of neat things to come. But when the pallid drum line kicks in and Bernard begins to sing, all hope is lost. Despite the fact that this Peel session bears little resemblance to the Eurodisco-mongering New Order of today, it still doesn’t mean that it’s not inexcusably boring, which it,is. So unless you’re a cornpietist coiiector who needs to have everything that this band eve+ recorded, save

yourself- some money and avoid it.

’

by Joe Sary Imprint staff The Bad Brains have always been one of the greatest enigmas in underground music circles. The

thought of four black rastafarians playing in a band immediately conjures up images of an intoxicatingly mellow reggae concert under the tropical sky in Jamaica while people lazily skank to the slow beat and delicate harmonies. Instead the Bad Brains, on stage or on record, burst out with blistering fast music and intense energy. In the White dominated hardcore

punk scene, the Bad Brains may be the best band around, not only for their explosive live shows and great song writing, but also for sheer playing talents and for playing as a unit. The Bad, Brains released their second full length album earlier this year, I Against I, after being in a state of turmoil, having disbanded for most of the previous two years. The return of the band is a blessing

by Charles Mak imprint staff Chameleons UK have only got one interesting song to date, Up the Down Escalator; off their Script of the Bridge LP. Their third LP release, Strange Times, does not change things much. Chameleons

UK will thus remain a one song band until they can come up with a decent collection of songs. Perhaps the major flaw with this band is that their music lacks any intensity and drive. On Strange Times they display the kind of monotonic playing style that one tends to associate with any sappy and generic Top 40 act. There’s no guts to this band and, as a consequence, their music isn’t vital or immediate enough to merit them much attention.

If this band intends to make it big someday, it would be in their best interest to take advantage of their uninspired and wimpy new wave guitar oriented sound and to turn themselves into a glossy Top 40 act. Maybe they can make even more bucks by hiring Don Johnson for vocal work since frontman Birdy (as he is apparently known) has a rather ~UII singing style. One gets the impression that this band will fizzle out pretty soon and what’s more, no one will even care.

successive record release. 7 Seconds, from Reno, Nevada, make a quantum leap in direction within one single release, and they even go to the trouble of documenting their course of change on the record sleeve, just in case someone missed

MacKaye. Predictably, these songs are in the old 7 Seconds vein of thrash-around-the-clock, and in fact they are some of the best hardcore songs that the band ever produced. They feature great sing-along vocals, strong bass lines and, of course, up-beat energetic music.

by Joe SaryImprint staff When most bands go through changes in musical direction, they generally do it in a slow methodical manner, by perhaps altering their style somewhat, or present a different point of view or focus on each

II.

Their new album, appropriately called New Wind, contains 13 songs, four of which were recorded in September 1985 at the famous Dischord studio, Inner Ear, with the help of Minor Threat’s ex-singer Ian

Singer Kevin Seconds returns to playing guitar on one of the four songs, Grown Apart, and he proceeds to make the guitar effects and the vocals sound more LIZ-ish than U2 ever could. It’s uncanny. The rest of the 13 songs on the album were recorded in the spring of 1986. In the seven months between the two recording sessions, the band went through wholesale changes. Kevin’s brother, Steve Youth, moved from bass to guitar while Troy Mowatt and Joseph Bansuelo joined the band on drums and bass respectively. This new unit may not have had enough time to jell before the songs were recorded, and they seem somewhat incohesive on a few songs. U2 influence

Kevin Second’s song writing also drastically changed over the cold winter. Instead of the mono-speed thrashers, these new songs are much more slowed down and refined. Some of the songs, like Tied up in Rhythm, are very catchy and Kevin’s singing, yes singing, is much more enjoyable than the monotone yelling we are used to hearing from him. While this first attempt at pop-oriented music is quite successful for 7 Seconds, it is nothing that hasn’t been done before. The whole album has a U2 influence running through it (in fact 7 Seconds thanks U2 for inspiration on the record sleeve), and you need not look further than Canadians L’etranger and Randypeters to find bands that have preceded 7 Seconds in this music style. If 7 Seconds hope to be as much of a positive force in pop music as they were in hardcore, they will have to stop looking to other bands for inspiration.

not only for the hardcore scene but for everyone who appreciates quality high energy music. From the opening intro and the first few notes of the title track, it is obvious that this is an exceptional record. On the song I Against I, the Bad Brains exhibit more talent than many bands can muster up during a whole career. The song goes through five seperate phases, alternating effortlessly between fast and slow without ever losing a beat or intensity. It is a masterful showcase of musicianship and H.R.‘s vocal range. On their first album Rock For Light, possibly the best hardcore -record ever released; the Bad Brains played 15 ultra-high speed songs along with three pure traditional reggae tunes. On I Against I,’ they proceed to do the obvious and blend the two styles together. On songs like She’s Calling You and Secret 77, the thundering reggae rhythm is set against the blazing gui- , tar work of Dr. Know to produce music that will make any reggaerock fusion of the past forgettable. The only possible, mild disappointment that comes to mind is Earl Hudson’sdrumming. While he keeps the rhythm more precisely than a SWATCH and he never misses a beat on the entire record, he seems reluctant to show off some of the brilliance that he exhibited on Rock For Light. The album also seems somewhat short. With only nine full songs to savour, the needle seems to hit that last groove all too quickly. Even so I Against I gets my vote for album of the year.

by Don Kudo Imprint Staff Human 86, a six-song EP performed and produced by Havf Human a.k.a. Len Hohner, is a work which upon first utterance would be classified as “requires more listening”. However repeated spins of Human 86 leads to complete frustration as muted melodies, and gutless guitar fills meet an attempt of layering various machine music effects. The textureless sound of this album is the result of a lack of definition of the diverse sounds Havf Human _presents by either under mixing specific instruments or by bestowing too much at one time. All Things, with its simple guitar rhythm, is the most enjoyable song on the EP because violin, Moog synth, and clickety-clat percussion are all relatively discernible. Bill Wallace on drums is the only other contributor to this Canadian indie release, as Havf Hurnan Hohner supplies the vocals, guitars, synths, and other toy instruments. If Hohner could of only found his other half, the one with a little more body and much more soul, Human 86 might have been a satisfying experience.

.Watch for Dimprint e

next week

Imprint,

Angelic

sounds harken choir sang Three Medieval Carols and concluded the evening with Shout for Joy: A Suite of Christmas Spirituals arranged by Robert DeCormier, an American composer. The choir sang punctually throughout the evening and will present the same music on Dec. 13,6p.m.\at the Seagram Museum. On Dec. 10, from. 12:15 to 1 p.m. at the Modern Languages Building lobby they will conduct a, performance and a carol sing. Members of the Kitchener-Waterloo Symphony Orchestra were enlisted to join the Oratorio Choir on Nov. 22. The ll-piece string orchestra and organ continua commenced the evening with Corelli’s Concerto Gross0 Op.6 No.8 (Christmas Concerto) and then the choir performed The Znfant Jesus by Buxtehude. <The chapel choir finished the first half of the program with J.S.Bach’s Lobet den Herrn, al/e Heiden and Ten Noels a group of traditional French carols. These ten noels form the melodic impulses for the Messe de Minuit pour Noel by Marc-Antoine Charpentier which filled the second half of the program.

by Pete Lawson Impririt staff As angels from heaven the University of Waterloo choirs descended on the Theatre of the Arts on the weekend of Nov. 21 and 22. The UW Chamber Choir, conducted by Wilbur Maust, sang on Nov. 21 and the UW Oratorio Choir, conducted by William Janzen, shared their stage with a small orchestra ensemble and the Conrad Grebel Chapel Choir, conducted by Leonard Enns. The Chamber Choir began their program with Benjamin Britten’s (1913-1976) A Ceremony of Carols a collection of carols based on medieval English text. The music is very lyric, having been composed for children’s choir and harp accompaniment. Patricia Good Johnston accompanied the choir and performed the all too brief work Noel Provencal by French-American composer and harpist Grandjany. Tomas Luis De Victoria (15491611) was the next composer to be presented, Missa 0 Magnum Mysterium is exerpted from his mass. Following the intermission, the

Friday _’

Nov.

28th

28, 1986

cheer Grebel Chapel; the choir will perform Antonio Vivaldi (1678-1741) hgnificat and G.B.Pergolesi (17101736) Magnificat. >

practice Tuesdays and Thursdays at 3:30-4:30 p.m. To join the UW Oratorio Choir simply show up on Tuesday night at 7 at Conrad

When fiction imitates reality Balmuir

Bedfehws C.J. Masson Book Publishing

corruption (going under the name of “patronage”) and influence peddling would be run out of office so fast they wouldn’t have time to take even a one-Martini lunch.

Ltd.

by Paul Done Canada as a nation has an obsession with politics - an arguably unhealthy obsession. Pick up the average day’s Globe and Mail, Canada’s only national newspaper, and most of the “news” section of the paper will be occupied with stories on politics. Multiple froirt page stories on trivialities like the Liberal leadership troubles or ‘the latest polls or any goddamn political gossip they can get their hands on. The really insidious part about this, is the passivity with which ‘the Canadian people receive this glut of data: In any decent country (Italy not included), our government with all its

Rock

on TV. Hid first lady, Bliss Dolittle is given the Senate to keep her busy so she redecorates the whole thing in pink chintz. While Waverly is merely a bumbling fool, Arnold “Hatchet” Mann is the real baddy. He’s the one who ships the three and a half million “enemies of the government” up to the Arctic Circle on “Sovereignt5 Duty”. He’s the one who helps the U.S. build five ICBM bases in Northern Canada. Implicit in all of this is the Canadian public’s mute acceptance of whatever the government throws at them. Though Bedfellows is no landmark in literature, its combination of deft characterization’ and cutting irony makes it highly enjoyable. It would have been even better had C.J. Masson really put the boots the fools on the hill.

In this light comes Bedfellows, a novel about Canadian politics which bites. C.J. Masson, a pseudonym for a civil servant, occasionally turns down golden opportunities to take shots at Canadian politicians. However, given the long line of drunkards, .crooks and fruitcakes who have occupied the offices of Ottawa, Bedfellows includes a number of characters’who possess a scary verisimilitude. From Waverly Dolittle, the Prime Minister, whose activities consist of handshaking and photo opportunities. A dullard who turns up at a court trial because it was in camera and he thought he’d be seen

‘n’ Rollers

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FUNKNIGH’J!

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November

Yuletide

If you wish to participate in choirs next term contact Wilbur Maust at the Conrad Grebel music office to audition for the Chamber Choir -

Saskatchewan

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Imprint,

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28, 1986

YOUWILLENJOY’ YOURSELF .

Hey! Don’t let dem 01’ kozmic preexam anxiety blues keep you library-bound for the next three weeks! You’d probably hate yourself for missing out ._on all these cool. thaannggs and screw up on your exams anyway. The big event of the term/year-

named Lazy Lester, this should be the best pre-New Year’s party going. Ya want more concerts? Well howzabout hardcore Edmontonians SNFU, who probably hate Wayne Gretzky as much as you, do in Guelph on Monday? Or fab Sas-

._ Billy

Bragg

will

be at Fed Hall Saturday.:

/century is Billy Bragg’s appearance at Fed Hall tomorrow night for what should be a most intimate evening of rockin’, romance, and rhetoric with the bard of Barking. For seven bucks you’ll get a better education than a whole term of classes. But if you’re more into twangy reverb and ’60s TV themes, Shadowy Men On A Shadowy Planet will kick lotsa sand in your face with the surf-instrumental grooves at Level 21 tomorrow night. (Great timing!) If your feet are gettin’ itchy and your butt’s gettin’ anxious to do some shakin’, look no further than Fed Hall tonight for a genuine funk night for some prime stompers from Sly Stone and The Godfather of Soul to the crucial grooves of Trouble Funk and Defunkt (now where have you heard those names before?). If you still can’t get enough of those funky vibes, check out Prince Charles at the Bamboo in T.O. tonight and tomorrow where you can have some of Hogtown’s beautiful people perspiring (they don’t sweat) on you to the serious beat. Closer to home and in no chronological order is the last presentation of The Southern Ontario Blues Association, Larry Davis tonight at the Legion in Kitchener. Aided and abetted by King Biscuit Boy and Chicago Pete and some bad cat

katchewan rock ‘n’ rollers The Northern Pikes Tuesday night at Fed Hall - probably Canada’s two best prairie bands in two nights. Top that, anywhere east of Winnipeg But wait, there’s more and it’s not a set of Ginsu knives, either. The K-W area is bracing itself for a flood of tremendous indie bands starting with vital Sines at the Coronet Thursday night featuring the powerhouse rhythms of bassist Terry Michaelson and Glen “How can a guy this skinny be such an insane drummer” Milchem. Those righte-

ous dudes at Upside Down Productions who’ve been bringing nice things Iike Go Four 3 to The Level are maliciously spreading rumours about upcoming shows for Cowboy Junkies, Change of Heart, and Montreal Husker Du facsimiles, The Nils. Keep yer’ ear to the ground for news on any of these better-than-life-itself bands. And for all you calendar-markers, the wunnerful “Oxygen Party” folks at The Turret (believe it or not!) are bringing the princes of teen paranoia, The Gruesomes to town on Jan. 7. There will probably be at least three business majors there that night so don’t you dare miss it. As usual, The Princess has a must-see flick on every night of the next seventeen weeks, but there are some real treats this week. Tonight and tomorrow sees the Waterloo premiere of the much-ballyhooed Canadian film Sitting in Limbo, the tragicomic story of unemployed Caribbean youth in Montreal. Sunday night should be an unforgettable night of jazz-cooking with footage of John Coltrane playing with Miles Davis and a live performance by Bill Smith and John Mars. The monthlong Fassbinder series starts Monday for all you decadent depressives with Why Does Herr R. Run Amok? and other gems this week include the Dutch Pervola (you weant hip, this film only started in Toronto two weeks ago) and the brilliant, brilliant, brilliant (for lack of a better word) Stranger Than Paradise. Wednesday and Thursday. Check their schedule for details.

If you’re gonna be a snob and only go to cultural kinda things, there’s neatstuff for you, too, not the least of which is the increasingly active and creative Creative Arts Board’s presentation of Agatha Christie’s The Mousetrap at the Theatre of the Arts tonight and tomorrow. Three bucks is a bargoon and a half to find out that the killer was . . . awww, just see the.damn thing. If you happen to be in Toronto tonight (that’s Friday for you and me), ex-Waterloo student and ar2 tiste Paul Hawkins is staging a multimedia performance (video, noisey music, found voices taken out of their natural context for humourous effect, and a number of people Paul knows wearing strait-jackets) that should be FUN for the whole family. It- all happens at Artculture Resource Centre - 658 Queen St.

Tonight Canadian

Larry Davis will bring his flying Legion with his unique brand

West begining at 9 p.m. Finally . . . this Monday will see the Humanities Theatre veritably ’ flooded with important people for

“V” to flood the Roy+ of Texas Blues.

the Arts Centre’s presentation of Rossini’s Cinderella with the Canadian Opera Company. If you’re not intimidated, by that, don’t miss it.

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warriors settle for 4th in Naismith Classic . by Mike McGraw Imprint staff

Athlete of the Week Dan Tsandelis Hockey *

Athlete of the Week Diane Hutchinson Squash

Dan is a third-year Arts student who is playing his first season of varsity hockey with the Warriors. Last year, he was an integral part of the Kitchener Ranger Junior B hockey club. A native of Kitchener, Dan is a graduate of Forest Heights Collegiate. He came down with a rather serious illness in September of this year which prevented him from being active with the team until late October. This past weekend, Dan got his first chance as a member of a regular line and he responded extremely well. On Friday night in a 6-l victory over Queen’s University, Dan scored two goals, assisted on another and delivered eight hits to the opposition. On Sunday against York University, he continued his aggressive play as he recorded-nine hits and scored the team’s only goal in a 4-l loss. Coach Don McKee said Dan’s play was a major factor in the ov.erall play of the team.

Diane has been chosen Athlete of the Week as a result of her outstanding performance in the Homecoming invitations squash tournament last weekend. Diane is a fourth-year Economics student who comes to UW from Oakville. In the invitational tournament that was staged at the University of Waterloo, Diane placed third in ,a very competitive tournament draw. Diane lost only one match to the 21st seeded female player in Canada. But she rebounded, showing her experience in convincingly winning her next two matches 3-0, 3-o. - Diane is captain of this year’s team and is a strong influence on and off the court to the younger players. She is last year’s team MVP and this year will be even stronger in league play. The success of this year’s Athena squash team is highly dependent on Diane’s excellent play and leadership.

B-ball Aiheniw beat McMaster by Glenn

Hauer

In their first game of the. OWIAA season, the Waterloo Basketball Athenas defeated MacMaster 56-42. It was a “defensive battle” which saw the Athenas move from a snail’s pace at the beginning of the game to a pace they are capable of attaining at the end of the game. The first half featured some good half-court defense by both teams, as well as a lot of lackadaisical play on offense. The turnovers were uncountable as there were so many of them. Overall, it was an offensively stagnant period of basketball, ending in a 22-22 halftime score. Karen McCulla handled the ball well for the Athenas, and Corinna Lueg led in the scoring department with 10 points. MacMaster played the second half in much the same way as they did in the first: bad shot selection, too many turnovers, no communication, etc., etc. However, Waterloo came out hyped and! ready to play some fast paced basketball. It must have been something thecoach said at halftime. The Athenas used their half-court offense effectively, but it was a trapping three-quarter court 2-1-2 zone that caused several MacMaster turnovers leading to fast break lay-ups’by Waterloo. Helen Gillies sparked the Athenas with seven unanswered points coming off the bench. Waterloo gradually built up a lead, 34-30 with 14:09 left, 44-32 with lo:50 left on the clock, and 56-42 to end the game. Team effort and hustle were the key factors in the second ha.lf defeat of Mac by the Athena.s. Corinna Lueg led the Athenas

with 22 points. Cindy Poag played a steady game at forward, as well as Michelle Campbell. Let’s hope the Athenas play as well as they did in the second half of the upcoming tournament at York this weekend. This is their last tournament before Christmas and precedes a well needed rest for the Athenas. They have played in games or tournaments for six of the last seven weekends, it is time to catch up in that thing they call school.

UW Squash -_ by Paul Jackson In the shadows of last weekend’s Naismith Classic, the University of Waterloo also held a Homecoming squash tournament, drawing approximately 35 participants. The ladies draw final was between Jennifer Birch Jones, ranked 20th nationally, and former Athena coach Kathy Cowper. Despite excellent play form Kathy, Jennifer’s experience and formidable forehand proved to much. Jennifer won in straight games 3-0. The men’s consolation final saw graduate and former 62 Warrior Rob Bowder take on Paul Jackson in a best of five. Playing uninspired squash before a near capacity crowd, Jackson finally succumbed 3-0. Mike Costigan, the winner in ‘84, took on Wolf Imrich in the final. Beating the Curran brot,hers to gain entry to the final, Imrich lost the first and fourth games but, with gutsy determination, prevailed 3-2.

A dominating win over Laurier, a frustrating loss to their Winnipeg rivals, and a convincing defeat at the hands of a surprising team from Windsor. Such was the fate of the Waterloo Warriors as they settled for a disappointing fourth-place finish at the 19th Annual Naismith Basketball Classic held at the PAC last weekend. Playing without the services of starting guard Rob Froese, later to be joined by fellow starter Tom Schneider, the Warriors were unable to attain the level of play which has brought them success thus far this season. The powerful Winnipeg Wesmen emerged as champions, squeezing past Concordia 60-59 in the final. Before a packed house at the PAC on Friday night, the Warriors annihilated the unorganized Laurier squad, 62-46. Displaying a powerful offensive attack, Waterloo ran off 16 straight points en route to an early 18-2 lead. The Hawks were obviously rattled by the turn of events, as their offense sputtered pathetically throughout the first half. Schneider’s efficient perimeter shooting combined with Paul Boyce’s hot hand kept the Warriors in command during a tedious second half in which both teams were guilty of many errors. Boyce and Schneider netted 15 points apiece. Saturday night featured a rematch of two rivals, Winnipeg and Waterloo. With power from all positions, the Wesmen outbattled the Warriors in a physical and foul-ridden affair, 86-78. The first half saw key players from both teams in foul trouble. Winnipeg’s gritty guard Joey Vickery and Waterloo’s Boyce both counted three fouls. However, Boyce still managed to net 12 first half points while the Wesmen’s Mike Thomas picked up the slack with 19 before half. John Bilawey was hot from outside throughout the game before fouling out with 18,points in the second half. After leading 43-41 at the half, the Wesmen began to pull away in* the second. Once Vickery found his well-known scoring touch that sunk the Warriors in Winnipeg, the Wesmen never looked back. Waterloo had several golden opportunities to get back in the game, but had possible rallies killed by poor shooting, lack of offensive rebounding and some questionable officiating. Vickery’s perfection from the free throw line sealed the Wesmen’s victory down the home stretch. Thomas led Winnipeg with 24 with Vickery chipping in 21, while Boyce counted 22 complimented by Schneider’s 18. Warrior coach Don McCrae said his team “didn’t start well in the second half; we lost contact.” He praised Vickery’s performance but also added “we took a lot of ill-advised shots and they just broke away, we then threw up shots in desperation.” Winnipeg coach Bill Wedlake observed, “we responded well to the pressure of this big crowd. This was a gutsy win, not a good one.” Sunday’s third-place game with Windsor saw Waterloo add

tire tournament, counting 29 in the final. En route to the final, the Stingers downed Laurentian, 73-67, and the upstart Windsor team, 75-67. In both games Concordia trailed at the half, and in both cases Norman’s dominating play was the difference. The Wesman won their opening game on Friday night versus the newimproved Ryerson Rams, 1O593. Vickery and skillful Mark Johannson led Winnipeg to victory despite the acrobatic efforts of Ryerson’s Kevin St.Kitts. Windsor turned some heads on Friday as they upset the favored Toronto Varsity Blues, in a nailbiting 113-110 overtime battle. The game featured an amazing 41-poin’t performance by St.Louis, as the Lancers surprised the well-balanced and powerful Blues. Toronto went on to win the consolation draw’with a close victory over Ryerson. The tournament all-star. selections included Boyce, Vickery, Johannsen, St.Louis and St.Kitts. All in all, the 19th version of the Naismith Classic upheld the tournament’s reputation for providing a high-calibre, entertaining brand of basketball. Future CIAU basketball prospects will be in action this Friday and Saturday at the PAC, as Waterloo plays host at the Warrior Invitational High School Tournament.

Schneider to the list of the wounded. Led by the often dominating play of guard Matt St.Louis, the surprising Lancers manhandled the Warriors, 89-68; Out-muscling the Warriors inside and displaying an impressive offense, the Lancers took a 45-35 halftime lead. Powered by St.Louis’ 23-point performance combined with some tight defense, Windsor ran away with the game in the second half. As “their veterans McCrae noted, really took the game to our young ,players. ” Despite the loss, the always-reliable Boyce scored 23, while Jerry Nolfi counted 12 in a strong performance. McCrae stated that the absence of Froese and Schneider “made a lot of difference,” He added that the team’s strategy is “rigged” around the performance of these players.He also noted that “the young players have to see that there’s a plug in the process.” McCrae said Froese has now recovered from his elbow infection while Schneider’s injury is a minor one, sidelining him for only 10 days. In the thrilling championship final, the well-rounded Wesmen were led once again by Vickery, who scored 17. Tournament M.V.P. Craig Norman led Concordia, as he did th$ough the en-

’

PAC pool offers swimming opportunities for all -

by Dave readman and Anna Pellizzari Did you know that moloe than 1,000 people use the PAC pool each week? Did you know that swimming is one of the most beneficial and therapeutic forms of exercise? If you have not taken advantage of this facility, you should. It’s a great way to get rid of exam stress. Pool hours during exams are as follows: (commencing Dec. 1) - 8:15 to 9:15 a.m. (Mon to Fri); - 11:30 a.m. to 12:30 p.m. (M-F); .- 3:30 to 4:3O p.m. (Mon-Thur);

9 to 10 p.m. (Mon- Thur); 8:30 to lo:30 p.m. (Fri); 2 to 4 p.m. (Sat and Sun).

(

If you are not a great swimmer, why not take advantage of instructional programs starting in January. Registration for swimming programs is Jan. 9. Or, if you are a great swimmer and have a current NLS and CPR join the pool staff in the winter term. Pick up applications for next term now in PAC 2039. So regardless of ,your aquatic ability, the PAC pool has something to offer you.

Important C-R dates Tuesday, -

Jan. 6 club

4:30 to 6 p.m. L

Wednesday,

Jan. 7

CRAC

5 p.m. -

executive

meeting,

PAC

general

meeting,

V2 west

- 8:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. blue activity area

women’s

and men’s

Thursday,

2045

quad

lounge

Jan. 8 locker

registration, -

Friday, Jan. 9 for swimming, skating, taichi, - 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. - registration yoga, scuba and squash instructional programs, PAC blue activity area - noon - application deadline for pool staff, fitness and skating instructors, PAC 2039

Sunday, -

Jan. 11 4 to 6 p.m. - registration

‘*

Monday,

for fitness

program,

Gym

Jan. 12

- 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. - registration for tennis, weight training, crosscountry skiing, first aid, CPR instructional programs, PAC 2039 - noon - application deadline for cross-country ski instructors, PAC 2039 -a

Tuesdav,

Y-n

- noon PAC 2039

Tan. 13 application

deadline

for tennis

and squash

instructors,

’

I E-valuatioiw i

Man in Mot&World Tour

ST PAUL’S COLLEGE has a few spaces

Best

If you’ve ever chosen a course from UW’s catalogue, you know the descriptions air-e often very misleading. Many of us end up depending on word-of-mouth and getting the opinions of only a few other students. The university does conduct its own course and professor evaluations, but won’t release the findings to students. In an effort to bring you, the consumer of c&rses, warnings about bad ones, and awareness of good ones, Imprint is publishing these .course evaluation forms. If we get sufficient response, we will let you know what courses students think are best, and which ones get panned, and why. Student leaders have been arguing for years that students want and need the course evaluation information in order to make intelligent course selections. Here’s your chance. If enough people do not take the five minutbs necessary to fill these forms out and bring them, or mail them to Imprint, Campus Centre 140, it won’t, of course, work.

for men and women or yrcidudte students

undergraduate for January

The

1987 term

Food

On Campus!

Pleake Telephone: @85-1460 or come to the Business Office at St Paul’s between 8:30am and 4:30pm

i Use this : :,

Course

with Special Guests Trumpeter Sam Noto, Nov. 28 Suxophonist

Pat LaBarbera, Dec. 5 Vocalist Laura Grecco, Dec. 12 Saxophonist Don Englert, Dec. 19 Buddy

Rich

Band)

+(&hJayzK.

KITCHENER

- 893-l

Were

: : 2.)

How would

: :

Were

211

POTIERYSALE

3.)

the objectives

of the course

you describe

the lectures

this

term.

worth

‘clearly

the professor’s

articulated general

by the professor attitude toward (ENTHUSIASTIC)

The information

will

from

the beginning? (YES) (NO) the material? (INTERESTED) (BORED)

attending? (YES)

How would

(NO)

you rate the workload?

10.)

How well

did the course

11.)

Do you feel your money

WATERLOO POTTERS’ WORKSHOP

course

(HEAVY) (MODiRATE) (LIGHT) : : 5.) Did you receive useful feedback from your professor as an individual or as a class? (ie. commetits on I assignments, assignments returned promptly, etc.) I (ALMOST ALWAYS) (USUALLY) (RARELY) I : 6.) Did--you feel your professor was available to guide or-assist you outside of class time? I (YES) (NO) I : 7.) Did the professor encourage discussion and/or questions in the lectures? (ALMOST ALWAYS) (USUALLY) (RARELY) : : 8.) Did the professor demonstrate a thorough knowledge of the topic? (YES) (NW : ! 9.) What amount of personal contribution did you have to make to this course? (ie. independent study, i research, etc.) (QUITE A LOT) (SOME/NOT TOO MUCH) (NONE) :

NQ COVER

RD.,

WORST

Name

: m 1.)

: : 4.)

Saturdays The French Quarter Jazz Band .~ (trdditional jazz of the 30s & 40s) ’

30 FAIRWAY

your

: : Your student ID# (This is important. We must be able to verify that you took this course. i not be released to anyone!) I 00000000 / : PLEASE CIRCLE YOUR ANSWER CLEARLY. :

Jay Purdy Jazz Band

(‘ormer

to evaluate

: I Professor’s

Renowned

side

match

the course

and time

Make

were

description (VERY

well

any addltloqal

spent

in the calendar? WELL) (PRETTY

. WELL)

(NOT

WELL)

(YES)

_ (NO)

on this course?

comments

here:

--i I

Friday, Nov. 28th

6 p.m. - 9 p.m.

: :

Saturday, Nov. 29th lOa.m.-4p.m:

’ !

Inventory

Corner

restocked

for Saturday

Hilliard Hall First United Church of King and

William

Streets,

FRFEADMISSION

Waterloo

sale

i ,: I

I I

I \I:I

M: :I

Deliver or mail completed forms to: Imprint Campus Centre Rm 140 University of Waterloo

Course Evalua-tions

GOING

this

Course

side

to evaluate

your

BEST

course

this

term.

Alumni Association Ottawa Chapter 613-825-5327

Name

.Your student information

ID# (This is important. We must will not be released to anyone!) PLEASE

1.)

Were

the objectives

2.)

How

would

you

3.)

Were

the

lectures

CIRCLE

of the course describe

be able to verify

you

took

this

course.

q ncl..clomlo

YOUR clearly

ANSWER-

articulated

the professor’s

worth

that

by the professor

would

you

rate

(MODERATE)

Did you feel

professor

was

7.)

Did the professor

encourage

8.)

Did the professor

demonstrate

availableto

discussion

guide

and/or (ALMOST

a thorough

or assist

questions ALWAYS)

knowledge

you

outside

of class (YES)

in the lectures? (USUALLY)

contribution

did you have

(QUITE 10.) 11.)

Make

How

well

Do you

any

did the course

feel your

additional

money

comments

match and time

A LOT)

the course (VERY were

to make (SOME/NOT

this course? TOO

spent

time? (NO)

(RARELY)

: I a : ; I ;

on this

(NO)

(ie. independent (NONE)

1 : ;

. (NOT

WELL)

: ;

(YES)

(NO)

MUCH)

description in the calendar? WELL) (PRETTY WELL)

well

(ie.:

of the topic? (YES)

9.) What amount of personal study, research, etc.)

(LIGHT):

feedback from your professor as an individual or as a class? assignments returned promptly, etc.) (ALMOST ALWAYS) (USUALLY) (RARELY)

6.)

&me

: : :

(NO)

workload? (HEAVY)

your

: f :f

from

attending?

the

5.) Did you receive useful comments on assignments,

the beginning? (YES) (NO) toward the material? (INTERESTED) (BORED);

general attitude (ENTHUSIASTIC)

Make your stay in Ottawa a pleasant experience - caii the Ottawa chapter and find out what they have to offer.

The;

CLEARLY.

(YES) How

Ottawa Chapter has a warm welcome waiting for you! Ir Lots of interesting events/activities are planned during the year - including local festivities that you can take advantageof.

: ;

Professor’s

4.)

Co-op Students and Graduates Ottawa Has Something for Every Season

: I

use

TO OTTAWA?

course?

here:

: : : I : : I

Important Next

Interview Week?

If you’re tired of Payinq

for the labels you’ve come to love, there is

. Wardmbes 746-2660 Please

return

this

survey

to Imprint

140 Campus

Ueslqner k-ashlons at Affordable Prices! Centre.

Open

Tues.,

Thurschay~

iEngineering7 Opportunities~i It’syourchoice, yourfuture.

If you are a graduate engineer, or are aotxoachina araduation, we’d like to talk to you abourthe challenge of a career in the Canadian Armed Forces. Whether you’re in the army’navy or air force, you will be. expected to lead a team of top flight technicians testing new devices and keeping various installations at combat readiness. You may also be involved in new equipment design and development I We offer an attractive starting salary, fringe benefits and secure future.

For more information on plans, entry requirements and opportunities, visit the recruiting centre nearest you or call collect - we’re in the yellow pages under Recruiting.

VISA and MASTERCARD accepted 24 DUPONT ST. at’ REGINA in WATERLOO.

PRE-CHRISTMAS

SPECIAL

For Contact Lenses

Regular

Daily

Wear

Soft

- $220

NOW $155

- Ask About Repi’acement Lenses Also - Only the Very Best Contact Lenses Offer expires Dec. 25/86 - Tinted Dznses $50 extra 22 King Street South

CanacE

PROUDLY -PRESENTS TO U of MI STUDENTS

888-@8()

THE CANADIANARMED FORCES

Wed., & Sat. 10 to 530 & Friday until 8

(owner UW Grad BSc)

’

888-6980

Hockey Warriors maul Q,utien’s 6-1, lose to York 4-l by Jonathan Sadleir and Mike McGraw Imprint staff On Friday night at Columbia pond the Warriors displayed a gritty brand of defensive hockey as they mauled the Queen’s Gaels, 6-l. Led by the two-goal performance of Tsandelis, supported by a one goal, two assist outing by linemate Jamie McKee, the Warriors skated to an easy victory. Although Waterloo took several unnecessary penalties, Queen’s was unable to capitalize on any of their power play opportunities. In contrast, the Warriors’ power play attack devastated the Gaels, counting for three of their goals. Backstop Mike Bishop played another strong game between the pipes. Last Sunday the Warriors hockey team played hqst to a powerful York side. Waterloo played extremely well but failed to capitalize on numerous scoring chances losing 4-1. Dan Tsandelis opened up the scoring in the first period after a blistering shot from the point by defensemen Steve Balas. The Warriors came out strong dominating the first period and putting a usually

well organized York side in disarray with some extremely hard hitting. The Yeoman, however managed to regroup in the second period coming out strong in the third to skate away with the victory. The lack of Warrior goals is no indication of the intensity of play as Waterloo played their characteristically intimidating brand of -hockey dropping the gloves on more than one occasion. Heading into the last week of play before the Christmas break, the Warriors are deadlocked in third place in the OUAA standings with.Western. Although the undefeated Mustangs have three games in hand, Waterloo will have a chance to edge ahead when they travel to London on Friday night. Leading the 6-3-l Warriors is the OUAA’s second leading scorer, Steve Linseman. Linseman has 12 goals and 11 assists in 10 games. Next home action is Sunday afternoon at Columbia Icefield when the Warriors battle seventh place Windsor. Their big test comes Wednesday night when they visit cross-town rivals, the secondplace Laurier Golden Hawks.

‘HELLO WATERLOO ON DECEMBER

, ,

THE- 8th

’

BRINGS SOME INCREDIBLE TR.AVEL DEALS TO WATERLOO!!

H LQNDON AND EUROPE --the lowest possible fares n WORLD WIDE STUDENT FARES --major cities, all continents n SUN AND SKI HOLlDAYS --individual and group packages w SPECIAL CHRISTMAS CHARTERS --between major Canadian cities n RAIL PASSES --domestic and international

-t~~~L~.

n STUDENT WORK ABROAD PROGRAMMES --working holidays around the world n CANADIAN WILDERNESS TRIPS --a variety of outdoor’adventu,res H INTERNATIONAL STUDENT IDENTITY CARDS --great savings, student discounts n LANGUAGE COURSES --learn a language, live a language H A WHOLE WORLD OF STUDENT TRAVEL

GoingYour Way!

--\\

Imprint,

Still miss you. Keep smiling! AJL.

PERSONALS

Friday,

November

28, 1986

XBENT

Befiire you head out into the COLD of

Connie, How’s your vocabulary? Love ________________________________________~~.~--.~----..--~~---.~-~---i.;Elwood. Gabi: Roses are red, violets get Laura: Loosen up! We all know you plucked. Come for dinner on Saturday want it. Elwood. and you will get. . . birthday cake. Matt & Kev. Laura: I’m not sorry! It was a nice ass. Elwood. Dearest Herbie (my love bug). Happy fourth year anniversary . . . let’s get IT Bryan, it’s not too late to join Gimps together! ! Love Eve. Anonymous. P.S. How’s the hat? The REAL MEN. Boo Boo. It has been a wonderful four years. Let’s try for four more. Love What’s loud , green, carries a gun, and your little sexpot. lives in Robinwood? Answer next week. Not another Dave. Bill G.: East Quad really would like to know . . . What’s really behind that Quote “I’ve slept with better looking shower curtain??? girls than you, and will again” Max 0. To the female King Kong Bundy who Hey South D Devils/Weapons avalanched that Honky Tonk man in Thanks for a wild term, lotsa laughs. . . the red suspenders on Friday night at and keeping me constantly on the go! the Great Hall pub, Congratulations! Enjoy those end of term socials and Sincerely, your biceps bracii admirer. holidays - you deserve them. See ya next year. Love (578-l 544 Phil if you ever need someone to listen.) Dear Chris 8. - Many thanks for beTo my favourite box mutilator: No ing there so often this term. I wouldn’t grapes! You’re all cherries to me. I have made it without you. Here’s to hope you feel the same was about the end of term (only 2 more to go!) yourself soon. Your bunny-slippered and cheers to the new year. You’re a admirer. very special friend - thanks for co-

MegaDon.

\ ,

Playmate Fred: I’m sorry. I should have explained my feelings earlier. I didn’t know how much it would hurt you. Forgive me? Still love me? Susie. To all the people who made this term. . . different: Randee (psych sot wench), Dora (dressed in black again), Martin (dime king), Jennifer (banana queen), dan (with Christmas colors), Sue (wascally wabit), Carolyn and the solid gold dancers - thanks for the melancholy. Love, Craig. Front Row Keeners: Distinguished Keener awards go to Wendy, Pam, lnga and Randee. Thanks for putting up with the inane brain drain. Love, whats-his-name-with-those-sillyJohn-Lennon-glasses. Psych Sot Wench: How’s the weather computers? Thanks for the . . . urn . . . interesting term. I love you. Anonymous Mathie. Dark Cancer: When do we go testdriving? The German horse. Ross Baby, Happy Birthday from the wild women. Have fun in the army. We’ll miss ya lots. Kim H. Happy Birthday (Dec. 7th)! Best of luck on your exams and at work.

louring my world. Love me. Who’s Buns? If you think you know the identity of this person named “Buns”, please call: 745-9280. Ask for Dave. Anyone interested in helping to improve ecological diversity by going on a Time Expedition to Bring Back the Dinosaurs, please write 23 Austin Dr., Wat. Ont., N2L 3X9. My name is Theodore. An unwelcome pregnancy could be the, biggest personal crisis of your life. BIRTHRIGHT can help you. Call 5793990. . Bill G. Do yu remember Kevin’s camera? We’ve got the negatives. SEE you next week in the Imprint. Love East Quad. Brett W. and Rob A.: For a pre-christmas romp be at Fed Hall on Friday-Nov. 29th by 10 pm. P.S. This is no joke. Randee: A weekend? ONE WEEKEND?!! WHAT in the Care-Bears ontology makes YOU think that I could EVER hate you SO much as to insult you by SUGGESTING that to me you were worth ANYTHING LESS than an ENTIRE LIFETIME?!!! Well, okay . . .

Adventure Guide See ad, page Z!

how about if we came back on the 21st? X**n. CD. in protecting our Anyone interested ozone layer, please contact me at the

F&r Sale -- $61,900

Foundation for the Rehabilitation of Air Conditioning Mechanics Who Are Careless With Freon.’ My name is Bartholomew. SJ: January is cold. Want to go “In Search of a Sun” with me? Norm K. Andrea Smlley: You had better go see what is under the tree. . . Your Secret Friend!

Explore

the Possibilities

Compared

to .Renting

- Large Zbedroom condominium townhouse with semi-fin ished ret room. Open House 2 - 4:30pm Sat. Nov., 29 and Sun. Nov. 30. 23-249 Cedarbrae Ave. Lakeshore. Dianne Schwan Royal LePage Real Estate Waterloo, Ontario 885-6576 or 886-9000

Ron Gall. Sorry about the last comment, it wasn’t meant the way it sounded. I don’t want to be one of many so enjoy yourself and maybe I’ll see you around. Lady.

Bottle of Jack, Belinda Big Ticket, various food sounds, LLAMA suit and trapeze, all at the ATTITUDE next month.

LB: “They Say it Isn’t True”. Wanna find out January 19th and 21st? AC. CV: Heard Spectrum is coming in January. Wanna go? BH.

MENS & LADIES DESIGNER

-JEANS Sizes

23-44

‘I ’

50° (slight irregulars)

Reg.

Val ues

to $40.00

STUDENT

ACCOMMODATION

LIVE ON CAMPUS DURING THE WINTER TERM 1987

Single $1715. Double $1595. l&connecting Room $1655. The fees include twenty-one meals a week, full maid service, obvious social benefits as well as close proximity to the academic areas of the campus. Application forms may be obtained from the Housing Office, Village I, or: Director of Housing, university of Waterloo, Waterloo, Ontario N2L 3Gl. SPRING TERM 1987 Village I single rooms are now renting for the spring term. Please inquire at Housing Office, Village I or phone. 884-0544 or local 3705. \

. C.LASSl~lED How the Attitude picks itself up off the. floor: slowly

and painfully.

Q: What do the following have in common - beer, beer, beer? A: Shooter Soder! Don’t be a squid! Ble Brain! Merci. North E 85/B6 Reunion! Tomorrow (Saturday) night at Bombshelter. Get there early before the line up! Sex God, Rumour has it there’s snow in Ottawa. Let’s go skiing. CANDY. Andrew: Thanks for saving my life Friday night! You’re terrific! CONNY. Little mushy: Gonna miss you 81 your little kittys. i love you. Big Silly. Plan ahead: Monstrously massive mansion still available for Isummer. Call Keith or Edna, 745-3280. Clown Hugs - Trained clown will entertain any age at parties, parades and other special- occasions. Willing to do worksh-ops on clowning or related themes. Balloon sculpting, face painting. Phone Buffette the Clown at 8886057 (leave message).

FOR SALE 79 Chev Malibu $2000 certified 8863309. Please consider buying this car. The owner is a poor starving student with a strong desire for cash. Alberta Van,. 1981 64,000 miles excellent condition, Ford cargo (no bench seats) 302 V8 $4750 certified. 746-0726. Macintosh’s and PC Compatibles. Hot, hot prices! Diskettes, peripherals, everything. New Macintosh Plus. 1 yr. AppleCare $2799. Call Karen 884Do youown an old Datsun? Need parts/engine? I have a 1977 Datsun B210 “Honeybee” for sale. $90.00 or B.O. 885-0167 (answering machine). For sale! Ladies Nordica ski boots. Size 8 $80.00. Call Lori btwn. 6 pm. 10 pm. 885-0167.

SERVICES Will do light moving, also haul away rubbish. 884-283

Reasonable rates. Call Jeff 1. Are you headed for the right career? Contact Philip Waller M.S.W. for interest testing. Call evening for appointment 744-7299.

WANTED Travel

’

field

position immediately available. Good commissions, valuable work experience, travel, & other benefits. Call Brad Nelson (toll free) l-800-433-7707 for a complete information mailer. Wanted models (female) for studio photography. Should be able to do/have done -own hair and makeup well. Remuneration: 8” X 10” B 81W prints. 888-6877.

HELP

WANTED

Babysitter

wanted: Mature responsible 4th year or graduate student to look after 5 mos. old boy 3 - 4 afternoons a week. Starting Jan. 87. Conestoga Mall area. 884-077.7. Domestic Help: Baby-sitting from late afternoon until approx. 7 pm. weekdays. $4 per hour. Westmount & University. Call 885-0587 after’ 6 or 886-2765. Hebrew teacher needed for 6 - 8 year olds at Temple Shalom, Kitchener, Sundays beginning January 11. Please call Judy at 742-5569 for more information. Employment/travel

opportunity

Campus representative needed to promote Spring Break Florida trips. Write Box 110, McMaster University, Hamilton, Ont. L8S 1CO. Call D’Arcy afternoons at (416) 545-2696.

Toronto

apartment wanted for winter term. Location at north end of Yonge subway line preferred. Please call 746-3461 after 600 pm. Townhouse, condominium or house - wanted for Jan. - April ‘87 term in Waterloo by upper year math students. Call (416) 488-2852 (Jeff). HOUSING Swimming

AVAiLABLE

pool! Four bedroom tow‘n-

house to sublet May - Aug. ‘87. s686.OOImo. or $171.50/bedroom, all utilities included. Quiet neighbourhood, 15 min. bus ride to UW. 7429989. Three students looking for 2 more to share house - Jan. - Apr./87. Big kitchen, yard, driveway, new washer/dryer. 20 minutes bus ride to campus. 300 Wellington St. N. $160/per person & util. Call (613) 542-7190. 4 bedrooms available for winter term. Large old uptown Waterloo house. Close to everything. $217 per month. Behind Seagram’s & Waterloo Square. Call Chris or Mark at 7461877 or 884-9485. Two bedroom apartment to sublet May-August 1987. Suitable for three people. $600/month including utilities. 7 minute bus ride to UW. Outdoor ~001. Call 886-6963 eveninas.

1 or 2 roommates

wanted for spring term. Erb & Westmount area and close to campus. Call Dcana at 7461 135 for more details. Needed: 4 people to share large spacious condo-apt. Fully furnished, all kitchen-ware included. Brand new student building Fall ‘86. Includes laundry facilities. 20 min. walk to UW, 5 min. to WLU. s196Imonth. Call 746-4883. Is this really student living? Luxury townhouse suite for two to share with two charming females (Jan. - April). Non-smokers and upper year students. Call 885-0624. Scenic lakefront property! See it to believe it. Large basement room in Waterloo townhouse, private bathroom, entrance. Full access to house, kitchen, cable T.V. 20 minutes to UW (at Parkdale plazas). Nonsmoker. Christian preferred. s250Imonth plus utilities. 746-2880. May - Aug. ‘87.3 bedroom top floor of house. 15 min. to UW, 5 min. to Waterloo Town Square. One month free. Call Andy or Carolyn. 746-2327. Option to take lease. May -Aug. 87. Large 2 bedroom apartment (suitable for 3). Fully furnished, laundry facilities, free parking, all utilities paid. 5 min. bike ride to UW, 20 min. walk.’ Parkdale Plaza area. $385/month. 885-2687. Student accommodation. New bui Iding, furnished, 10 min. walk from university. 746-2211 or 578-8170. Female roommate needed to share l/2 double room of fully furnished house. Rent approx. s2OO/mo. Columbia & Albert. Call 746-8152. Jan. to April ‘87. Very clean, comfortable townhouse in Bluevale Estates, near Glenridge Zehrs, and bus route, 1 double room available, 160/month. 746-8188 ask for Jeff or Julie. New condominium - One male nonsmoking student needed for winter term; parking, laundry, furnished, close - Bairstow Estates. $195 plus utilities. 746-2086. 1 bedroom in a 2 bedroom furnished apartment May - Aug 1987. 20 minutes to UW. Kosher kitchen. Nonsmoker onlv. Call anvtime 746-2703.

1 bedroom - share in a 3 bedroom townhouse with two males - nonsmoking on Bluevale Ave. N. - 8846953. Single rooms (2) in Beechwood family home, walking distance to University, non-smoking females preferred. Phone 746-2844 Apartment in downtown Ottawa (Glebe). 3rd floor of huse. s360/mo. single and s4OO’/mo. double occupancy. All utilities included. Fully furnished with bed(s), stove, fridge. Cable & phone jacks. Within one block of IGA, laundromat, bus lines. At Bank & Third. Call 613 232-l 382 or visit 156 Third Avenue for more details. Unfurnished room to let (to male or female) in non-smoking house. 5 minutes walk to WLU, 15 to UW. $175/month, utilities included. Call Alan 886-l 159. Male student looking to share house with 4 - 5 people for Jan. - Apr. ‘87 term. 25 min. walk to campus. Share rent of $1 OOO/mo. Non-smokers preferred. Phone 746-2547. Lease available for a 256 Phillip St. townhouse. Starting May ‘87. 2 minute walk to campus, 4 bedrooms, washer and dryer. Call 884-2617. One bedroom apartment to share (female). Good location -close to banks, shopping, bus routes. 20 minute bus ride to UW. Only $204/month. 5793088. Room for rent. 516 H Sunnydale Place. $90 rent per month plus utili-

27 Imprint, ties. Phone 746-2993. Toronto, Avail. Jan/87, High Park Ave. Large 3 bedroom apt. in house. 2 roommates reg’d. 25 min. to downtown. $320 mth/incl. Call Karen 416769-581 9. Jan. - April. Female roommate to share l/2 double room. Fully furnished, new, clean apt. Near King and University. s196Imonth plus utilities (less than $8). Call Karen at 74601 94. Plan ahead: Monstrously massive mansion still available for summer. Call Keith or Edna, 745-3280.

Spacious 2 bedroom apt. to sublet Jan Apr. Ottawa. Suitable for 4. Laundry, pool, whirlpool, sauna. Close to downtown. $608. Call (613) 9931253 x21 1 days or (613) 744-4293 evenings. One bedroom available in a 3 bedroom townhouse for female nonsmoker. From Jan. to April 1987. $170 per month plus utilities. Call 746-0193. TYPING Word processing: $1.25 per double spaced page. Draft copy available. Resumes $4.00. Spelling checked. Westmount area. Call 742-4162. Fast, professional typing by university grad. Pick-up/delivery available on campus. Grammar, spelling, correction available. $1 .OO/double-spaced page. Suzanne, 886-3857. Typing - $1.00 for double spaced page. -Experienced typist living on campus (MSA). English degree spelling corrected. Call Karen at 74694-7 3 IL/. .956 per page. .9Oc per page for 5 pages or more. Liz Tupling 746-2588. Don’t delay. Call today. Typing - $l.OO/page (d.s.) Experienced typist with teaching degree, lives close to university - MSA. Ask for Karen 746-0631. Experiencedtypist -will do last min,-ute work, corrections, fast & dependable service. 9OC per double spaced page. Phone Sand; 746-l 501. Word processing. Typing. Assignments, essays, reports, theses, letters, resumes. Featuring automatic spell check. Dependable work, prompt service, reasonable rates. Janice 748-

Essays, theses, work reports, business letters, resumes etc. Will correct spelling, grammar & punctuation. Electronic typewriter. Reasonable rates. Phone Lee 886-5444 afternoon or evening. Professional typing. Essays, work term reports, theses, etc. Fast, accurate, dependable service. $1 per double spaced page, call 886-4347 (Sonia). - Quality typing and/or word processing. Resumes stored indefinitely. Punctuation and spelling checked. Fast, accurate service. Delivery arranged. Diane, 576- 1284. Same day word processing. (24 hour turn around if you book ahead). Draft copy always provided. Near Seagram Stadium. $1.15 per double-spaced page. Call 885- 1353. - 30 years experience. 75C double spaced page. IBM Selectric. Essays, resumes, theses, etc. Westmount-Erb area. Call Doris 886-7153. 25 years experience. 75c per double spaced page. Westmount-William area. Cali 743-3342. _ Dial-a-secretary. . . Typing, Word Processing, Photocopying. Essays, Work Reports, Theses, Resumes. ,24-hour turnaround within reason. Pick up and delivery. Special rates for students. Dial 746-6910. Professional typing. Term papers & resumes. Free pick UP and delivery. . Call 743-7233. .

Typing

Will type

resumes, theses, essays. Fast, accurate work. 75C per double spaced typed page. Call - Sue 8846093. Experienced typist will do work reports, essays, etc. Fast, accurate work. IBM Selectric. Reasonable rates. 1 block from Sunnydale. Call 885- 1863. Qulk type: Word processing and typing professionally done. 24 - hour turnaround within reason. Free pick up and delivery available. Spell check. $1.25 pe page. 893-5171. ’

LOST Lost watch. Quartz watch with 3 stripes. (Green, red, green). Lost on Friday Nov. 14 in men’s washroom of Arts Lecture Hall between 2:30 pm. to

Friday,

November

700 pm. If found, please call Alex anytime at 664-2593. Reward is offered. Lost sunglasses, gunmetal frames, aviator style at campus vacation cruise Thurs. Nov. 20. Reward offered. Call Rick 884-9669.

28, 1986

. I

’ FOUND Found,

bicycle.

Phone and describe,

746-8132.

CALEhlDAR Friday MORNING

November

PRAYER Renison College

proudly presents the renowned poet, KAKA HATHRASI. The recital will begin at 200 pm. in the Theatre of the Arts. Everyone is welcome to attend the humorous poetry recital.

Chapel, 9:00 a.m.

FED

FLICKS! Wise Guysstarring Danny DeVito and Joe Piscopo. 8 & 10 pm., Fri. and Sat., 8 pm. only Sunday. AL 116. Feds $1 .OO, others $3.00. THE GUILD SHOW -An exhibition of paintings by students in the Fine Arts programme. Sponsored’ by the Fine Arts Guild in conjunction with St. Jerome’s College. Last day. St. Jerome’s Library. ENCOUNTER THE MUG. An atmosphere of live music, good food, and relaxed conversation. All are welcome, 8:30 - 11 :OO pm in CC 110. Sponsored by Waterloo Christian Fellowship. SOMETHING WILD Dance presented by ASEANS and CSA WLU. Prizes for best, wild, different, daring outfits! Lucky draws! 9 pm. at WLU Dining Hall. Call Rey for more info at: 8867782. GERALD SHENK to speak at informal faculty/student luncheon and discussion. “Social Responsibility of Christians for Peace, East and West”. 1200 - 1:30 pm., Blue Room, CGC. Others invited to attend. CARTOON DISPLAY. Giving all students the opportunity to exhibit and view subjects which they can relate to. Today in CC Great Hall. Presented by the Creative Arts Board and IMPRINT.

NICARAGUAN

BENEFIT to be held by Tools for Peace in conjunction with the GSA. The benefit includes a movie, Central American dinner, and music by NAZKA. Activities start at 300 pm. at the Grad House. Tickets available at the door.

Monday MORNING

November

a.m.

DEADLINE

FOR

ads is MONDAY

THE BEST time to start debating

the last meeting of the term? St. Jerome’s Rm. 229 at 5 pm. Come out for news of debating party.

PIZZA SOCIAL hosted by the Young Liberals! 5:OOpm. upstairs in the Grad Club. For more info. call Paul Kellam, (pres.) at 884-9156. TuesdayDecember MORNING

PRAYER Renison College

Chapel, 900

CAMPUS

WHO WAS that masked

mouse running around campus? Find out tonight at the Theatre of the Arts. Agatha Christie’s “The Mousetrap”. 800 pm. Feds $3.00, others $5.00. WOODSIDE NATIONAL Historic Park presents “A Victorian Christmas”. Celebrate Christmas of long ago at Mackenzie King’s boyhood home. Open 1O:DO am. - 5:OOpm. daily. Admission is free. This weekend see the Yuletide decorations. Runs until Jan. 4.

CHAPEL Renison

November

EUCHARIST

l&DO

am,

College.

ST. PAUL’S College-Sunday

Chapel

service.

MARANATHA

CHRISTIAN Fellowship Sunday service, All Welcome. HH 334, 11 :OO am. More info. call 7468171.

CHRISTIAN

WORSHIP on campus. a.m., HH 280. All Welcome. FED FLICKS! See Friday. 8:00 pm show only. lo:30

CHAPEL Informal Pm.

AT Conrad Grebel College. service with discussion. 7:00

CONTEMPORARY

a.m.

BIBLE study at 12:30 and

2:30 pm. in CC 110. Sponsored by Maranatha Christian Students Association. ALTERNATIVE THEATRE. Genesis productions invites you to explore social issues through the arts information session: 7:OOpm., PAS Rm. 1055. Questions? Call 578-9231.

Wednesday MORNING

December

PRAYER Renison College

Chaoel. 9:OO a.m.

WORSHIP

SERVICE 4:30 p.m. Con-

rad Grebel College sermon and choir.

EUCHARIST

12:30

Chapel.

Includes

p.m.,

Renison

College Chapel.

EVANGELICAL Youth 7:30

Fellowmeeting. p.m., CC

CINEMA GRATIS: My Brilliant Career

FED FLICKS! See Friday

Sunday

Imprint Classified at 5:00 p.m.!

ship International Everyone welcome. 135.

PRAYER Renison College

Chapel, 900

LAYMEN’S Saturday

December

800 pm. in the Campus Centre Great Hall. Come out and enjoy!

HURON

CAMPUS Ministry Fellowship, 4:30 p.m., Common meal, St. Paul’s Cafeteria. 5130 p.m., programme, Wesley Chapel, St. Paul’s Colleae. All Welcome. GLLOW COFFEEHOUSE -an informal gathering held weekly for interested people. A safe and friendly atmosphere in which to meet others, gay or straight. Call 884-4569 for more info. (24 hr. recorded message). EXPLORING THE Christian Faith. lnformal discussions on Christianity with Chaplain Graham E. Morbey, 7:30 pm, Wesley Chapel, St. Paul’s College. CAMPUS BIBLE study. 3:30 pm. in CC 110. Sponsored by Maranatha Christian Student’s Association. BLOOD DONOR Clinic at Grace Lutheran Church, 136 Margaret Ave., Kitchener from 1:30 pm. - 8:00 pm. ALTERNATIVE CHRISTMAS gifts WPIRG will be selling Unicef, Amnesty International, and New Internationalist calendars and; cards, Bridgehead coffee and tea, as well as T-Shirts, buttons and mugs in the CampusCentre, lo:30 - 3:30. Thursday

December

MORNING

PRAYER Renison College

EUCHARIST

1l:OO am Moose Room, Men’s dence, Renison college.

Resi-

LAYMEN’S

EVANGELICAL Fellowship International. Christian meeting 6:30 pm 163 University Ave. W, #32 1. (MSA) All Welcome.

Chapel, 900

a.m.

ALTERNATIVE WPIRG campus pm.

CHRISTMAS gifts sale continues today in the centre from 1O:DO am. - 2:00

OVER DDON Pinnacle: A 3 km. hike from Five Maples to Homer Watson Gallery. Meet 100 pm. at Homer Watson Gallery, Doon. For info. call Jane Ayres, Waterloo, 885- 1101.

ROTARY

EXCHANGE Students of the past are establishing a Rotex Club in Kitchener-Waterloo area for inbound support and sharing memories. Next meeting: 12:OO noon in CC 110. For info. call Mary Ellen at 746-0790.

INDIAN

STUDENTS

Association

Friday MORNING

December

PRAYER Renison College

Chapel. 9:DO a.m.

ENCOUNTER THE MUG. An atmosphere of live music, good food, and relaxed conversation. All are welcome, 8:30 - 11 :OO pm in CC 110. Sponsored by Waterloo Christian Fellowship.

RECORD SR2RE~ Centre

Campus Records and Tapes on Sale: LOVE & ROCKETS Express

$3.99

- Low&r Mall 28

Friday, November

IGGYPOP

Cry For Love, Real Wild Child,

CHRIS DEBURGH Into the Light

BILLY BRAGG Talking with the Taxman About Poetry

Greeting Stubb’s

Levi

The Lady in Red, Fatal Hesitation, About Me?

STAND Various

‘Great Good

BY ME (Soundtrack) Artists

Balls of Fire, Yakety Times Roll

What ’

Yak, Let The

to the New Brunette, Tears, The Passion

JOHN FOGERTY Eye of the Zombie

9s I 90

Goin’ Door,

Back Home, Sail A way

Driving Festival

Isolation

$6.99

Knockin’

On Your

‘08

December

IT’S In/l/WA TERIA L Life’s Hard and Then

Yin and Yang The Flower Pot Man, An American Dream, Kundalini Express

$6.99

to Thursday,

Away Time

from

$6.99

You Die

Home,

SHRIEKBACK Big Night Music

Gunning Reptiles

for the and 2

$6.99

Buddha,

STRANGLERS Dreamtime

Always America

the

Sun,

Space,

Exquisite,

$6.99

Nice

in Nice,

r- -

Monday -Friday 9:00 a.m. - 5.00 p.m. Saturdays Il.=00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m.

Big in

I -. ; .I rKil!B!l

cult controversy,

insiderreveals

Nudkult For the past five years U W professor Jon Coldfather, a world renowned Mooner, has been conducting Mooning orientation se-

Class

Registration

Number,

m m _r l

NP6453,

Kitchener,

Ontario

I /

takes off ‘.

minars in his classes and recruiting new followers of the Reverend Sun Myung Moon, say former students. Students dating back as far as

for shkv

Second

198 1 report professor Coldfather’s night course on cults consisted- of several hours of handholding, combined with chanting and . emotional

babes

“sharing sessions”, as well as seminars on dropping their drawers. Many of the students were unable to continue their university studies after attending professor Coldfather’s course and several went through intense deprogramming sessions before they could resume their normal lives. The parents of a fbrmer student of Coldfa4her’s said it took two years and cost the family thousands of dollars before their son recovered from the course. In a recent interview, professor Coldfather said “I .do not practice mind-control in the classroom. Thereis no such thing as mind-control.” A good professor always has a close following of students with the same views and opinions as the professor, he said. “I must be a very good professor.” For the past two terms only one student has withdrawn from professor Coldfather’s course. Students enrolled in professor

Barf’ ’ . it up or starve, by Rob Savickis Misprint stuff

by Dug Right Misprint staff The bulk of this university’s financial woes would not exist if, it were not for the voracious and bizarre sexual appetites of UW’s top executives, a secret document leaked exclusively to Misprint has revealed.’ The top-secret internal memo shows hundreds of thousands of dollars have been spent recruiting “floosies and other assorted types” to be available at all times to meet the needs of administrators in stressful positions. “One of our top priorities is to ensure a steady cash flow for the purposes of luring slinky babes to U W,” states the memo. So far, most of the recruiting has taken place at Toronto-area strip bars, but the memo hints it may go beyond that. “Peelers are alright,” states the memo, “bat we should also consider hanging out at the Eaton Centre t? check out the awesome mallchicks.” When questioned about the memo, president Bug Bite said the accusations were totally unfounded. “My colleagues and I have been spending a great deal of time in Toronto stuff. Ya, that’s it,” maintained Bite. checking out . . + er . . . computer-type Pressed for finan,$al details, treasurer Jake Rube said his dog ate the bboks. 1 don’t know nuthin about no mallchick3,” screamed Rube. “I’m takin’ the I Fifth.”

Coldfather’s course have been seen in local hair salons and barber shops approximately two week after the first day of classes, getting identical haircuts. “The fact that’ we have identical haircuts has nothing to do with professor Colfathers course,” said a student currently enrolled in the course. “It’s just a coincidence,” he said. Students are also encouraged to dress alike and choose the same essay topics. Anyone not following these guidelines fails the course, said a T.A. for professor Coldfather. “Compliance with the guidelines is voluntary, but it is encouraged,” she said. “There is no form of coercion used in my class,” said Coldfather. When asked about professor Coldfather and his teaching methods, students report being anticult prior to taking Coldfather’s course. “Now I realize there is no-

Village Council has ufianimously turned down an administration proposal last month that would have expanded Crude Services-run .G 0 Pizza on the basis that students were finding that once they bought the pizza all they could do with it was play frisbee. I-Iowever, a startling new development has caused the council to accept a more edible alternative. After long drawn out negotiations regarding student input in matters “such as the nature of product ingredients, portions, sizes, etc.” Crude Services finally gave in and agreed to remove concrete as one of the ingredients. With this major concession, OG Pizza was born. Village One Council Presideng Puke St. Games called the proposal a “far better agreement than we could have got with anybody else, espe&ally since Crude Services was blocking the setting up of an operation by anyone but themselves.” In order to provide the lowest possible cost to students (while at the &me time balancing the university’s projected deficit for 1994), OG Pizza will use leftovers from meals served in the village 1 and 2 cafeterias. As Crude Services Director I.M. Moody said, “nothing but the best goes into all meals served on this campus and we were getting tired of feeding the ducks with this stuff. Besides that, using village food will

allow us to increase variety. After all, how many village places do you know of that offer califlower and brodcoli as toppings.” (Base price of a 16 slice pizza, at $5.69, will be the lowest in town. Toppings will be $0.99 per item and, in addition, the following INCIDENTAL FEES will be levied: Of foremost importance will be the computer service fee ($1.53).,OG Pizza plans to use computers more extensively in its operations than any other university pizza store in the country and it feels that “students should be willing to pay part of the cost.” The computer that will be installed will be a VAX and will occupy what is currently known in Village 1 as the blue dining room. W.hen asked whether closing the blue dining room will create over: crowded situations in the remaining red and green dining rooms, Spat Robertrun(fast), vice-president of university disservices, believed that it would not be a problem. After ail, he claims, “Students wait 45 minutes in line at Canada’s Blunderland to ride a stupid roller coaster. I am sure that they will be glad to wait the same in order to taste our neargourmet food.” Our staff became suspicious when it was revealed that a co-op fee (currently $1.90 but expected to rise soon to $4.00) will also be tacked on to the pizza price. University President Dr. Spite at first claimed that

continued

on page 5

Fee i ncreases,to keep ra-.bble out> of cks . UW Federation of Students announced it will be supporting future increases in co-op fees designed to stop the snivelling masses from en-

rolling in Waterloo’s co-op program. The announcement comes in the wake of a new plan released by the

UW administration outlining future increases in co-op fees of 300 per cent’ each term for the next five’ years.

66Nose+andy and. jo-y-juice” in / use at Feds --

Secret

Far from conducting useful business, Federation of Students’ executives are -using closed-door meetings to hide a terrible history of alcohol and drug abuse, reveals a source close to the current administration. In an EXCLUSIVE interview, the insider told us hours of each business day are wasted as executives over-indulge in “joy-juice and nosecandy”. ’ “Why do you think income is way down at the student pubs? These people are drinking all the profits,” said our source. “They sit in their offices all day, drinking heavily or snorting the white stuff, and then go ’ out two one of the pubs and demand free drinks, They’re out of control and obnoxious most of the time.” It’s a wonder anything gets done at all, said the insider. If it wasn’t for n F‘x,., Lsul~l\&-;tt‘d TamsxmlaWl..,hn ~s.aP”A a IGW Il IlILccu pcup&, lU 3p11u

Informer

their time pouring black coffee into the rest of the staff, the place would be in much worse shape than it is, added the source. “Whenever you go up there: they’re always in meetings. Sobering up or re-stocking their supplies is more likely the case. “Half of them have the shakes all the time, and the other half are raging paranoiacs,” the source revealed. The addictions have landed some of the executive members in trouble with the law, said the insider. Two executives, identified only as Stubby and Spanky, spent the night in jail on three occasions for indecent exposure incidents linked to excessive drinking binges. “But in each case the matter was quickly co*dered over in the office and little is known of the incidents

Karen Gillette, Fed vice-president “After all they will be going out on of money, said she is in favour of the work term when re-election time increase in co-op fees. comes. And by then they will have “Universities are not for eveforgotten the whole issue,” he said. ryone,” said Gillette. “Restricting UW president Dug Sprite said the enrollment based on ability to pay is university has a reputation to mainfar more efficient than using tain. “We do not want lower-class grades.” With such high fees stustudents graduating from this unidents will not even bother to apply. versity and ruining its great reputaA recent poll conducted by the ’ tion. It’s my personal goal to Feds show eight per cent of the stumaintain some sort of class structure dent population is in favour of the in this country,‘: said Sprite. increase with two per cent saying Co-op fees for the winter 1987 they were undecided. Ninety-nine term will be $600 per term. -The uniper cent of the students who said versity hopes this will cut enrollment they were against co-op fees were in half. enrolled in the co-op program. Any student withdrawing from Federation president Sot Florist the co-op program as a result of the said he couldn’t care less about the high fees will be faced with a transfer poll or the opinion of the students. fee also set at $600, said Sprite.

Lake,housina no ‘problem: engineer by Rob Savickrs Misprint staff Many people have been wondering recently why Columbia Lake has been getting so dry. Draining has begun because the plot of land has to be dry before construction of the North Townhouse Project can hm&n

F;;rct

‘Ilswxf

#-f-b-An

ctrd~nt

.Great, the engineer appointed to the project, does not think there will be a problem with building over a former lake. In his own words “Yeah; like I think that there is a pretty big chance that probably we won’t have a problem with water. If there is a problem then I’ll worry about it then. Can someone get me a beer?”

IA-

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In wake of music scandal m8

CATHOLIC /l@SSlONA R/ES

REACH OUTTO THE WORLD

Fed.Hall to be : demolished Fed Hall will be demolished to put an end to squabbling over the music played at the student-owned pub, UW’s student advisory council decided at last weekend’s meeting. “Let’s face it, enough is enough, this damn thing is more hassle than it’s worth, said Federation of Students president Scott Forrest in tabling the motion. “It’s an ideal spot for a new parking lot . . . no one ever complains about parking lots. Besides. I never liked the music there anyw’ay . ’ The motion was passed unanimously after councilors were assured the plan would save the Federation at least tens of dollars. One councilor, who mentioned something about student referendums, was evicted from the meeting. “This move will save us bunches

of money by significantly reducing operating costs,” said Carol Goulette, v-p for operations and finance. “And since we have no intention of removing the Fed Hall fees from student’s statements, the dough should roll right in. Besides, I never liked the music there anyway.” In response to questions after the meeting, Forrest said any student with a complaint about the loss of the campus watering hole is welcome to drop by at his place for a beer. “I think everyone will be happy with this decision, and if they’re not, oh well,” he said, adding similar action is being contemplated at the Bombshelter. Architects are studying ways of making the the Campus Centre pub into a parking lot. “It’s an ideal spot for a new parking lot . . . no one ever complains

about parking lots,” he said: Informed of council’s decision, UW president Doug Wright said he was pleased with the move, although questioned the parking lot suggestion. “The land could be put to better use, something like a new computer building supported. by voluntary student fees, said Wright. Aside from that one point, I think the decision was a good one. Besides, I never liked the music there anyway.” Former Federation president Tom Allison, who initiated the Fed Hall project, said he doesn’t really care about council’s decision. “They called it Federation Hall instead of naming after me. If they had done that, I would have fought like hell to have the decision reversed,” he said. “Besides, I never liked the music there anyway.”

J 0 B

Fr. Joe

WRITE:

Rankin

79 Moore Ave. Kitchener, Ont. N2t-i 3S4

NEEDED FOR WINTER TERM -WORDS Typists (IBM PC) -Safety Van Drivers NEEDED FOR SPRING TERM -WORDS Typists -‘WORDS Manager -Safety Van Coordioator -Safety Van Drivers -SCOOPS Manager VOLUNTEERS NEEDED FOR WINTER & SPRING TERMS -Legal Resource Office I Coordinator ’ - Women’s Centre Coordinator Apply

Campus

Centre

Room

J 0 i

8 s I.-

235

Dept. 1’ head goes both ways

Radical prez. ,. ca[led .goofy by Lance Bigelow Misprinf stiff

A consortium of fundamentalist university leaders, lead by radical Waterloo president Slug Blight, has petitioned the provincial government to turn the post-secondary education system over to the private sect or. “Government has no business interfering in the free enterprise system,” said Blight, a little spittle gathering at the corners of his mouth. “We could do a much better job in the private sector, away from those bleeding hearts at Queen’s Park. Just look what those wimps are charging for tuition - if I was in charge, tuition revenue would be greatly increased and we could reduce the tax burden carried by fine upstanding people like Conrad Black and Bill Davis,” he said. Under the plan outlined by Blight, universities would drop the “nambypamby artsie-fartsie” courses from their schedules. Instead curriculum

would focus on “marketable” skills such as nuclear physics and the military applications of eomputerguided laser beams. “What the hell good is philosophy. Right now the government wastes lots of money training students in such useless courses,” said Blight, a little drool pooling in the knot of his Busty Bess necktie. “If we were in control, our universities would only teach things that could make us money and keep us safe from bleeding-heart, commie-heathens.” The government, however, has indicated it has no intention of going along with the consortium’s proposals. Greg Soreberries, minister of colleges, universities and other such places, said this week the plan is politically unsound and would have no realistic application in the today’s vast and complicated post-education system. “Besides,” added Soreberries,

“Blight is goofy and wears tacky ties.” Soreberries said his ministry, as always, has the utmost support of cabinet and leader David Pedestal. “I am one hundred per cent confident the big cheese will back me up with the full support of cabinet,” he said. When contacted at a new gallery opening, Pedestal chastised Misprint for interrupting him at lunch. “Now look what you’ve done, my sushi is getting warm. What was the question again? Soreberries? Who’s Soreberries. Thorn Brzzzzzzuwwwwtswusssswwbbski, vice-president for classroom related stuff, said his department is ready to follow what ever academic route the institution’s board of governors chooses to follow. “We’re very flexible in this here department,” he said. “Frankly, most people here can go either way,” he boasted.

Waterloo

Dinner 4pm - Please inform the Turnkeys by December 18, if you bould like to attend.

Delivery

Only

Rolling for dollars To the editor, I would like to thank the Federation of Students for helping to bring to the fore the plight of the little wheelchair people like me. Your setting up of a pylon slalom course in Fed Hall on Funk Night and having wheelchair races was a clever and fun-filled way of achieving this. What better way of making people realize how fast wheelchairs can really be on flat surfaces than to

have people race for themselves. But I hope at the same time the kids learned that being a paraplegic isn’t all fun and games! The 6 (six) dollars that was raised will go a long way in helping to’find new treatments for spinal cord injuries. Thanks again for your concern, I just wish I could have been there to, ‘jack my body’ with all my freewheelin’ friends! Rich Handsome

Dotti

of the stories which have dealt with what’s going on at the university. However, I feel you have entirely neglected the presence of cults on campus and I would like to see some stories on this issue. Cult invol.vement on campus is widespread, it has even found its way into the classroom, believe it or not. I’m sure with a little digging you could find some interesting information. I look forward to more stories on cults. Otherwise, you’re doing a great job.

I would like tocommend the Imprint staff for the fine job it%has done this term. I’ve enjoyed many

He-man likes to wear my undies at home

John Dear Dotti: I don’t know whether I have a prdblem or not. My boyfriendy, he’s 24 and I’m 22, is an engineer and all man-when the lights are out.

Misprint is the campus newspaper run by a butich of self-serving students who don’t give a damn about anyone else. The sole objective of the publication is to harass a whole bunch of people while totally ignoring the complaints or other criticisms of the masses at UW. Misprint tries pretty hard to have ethics and to ascertain that the facts contained herein aFe more or l&s true most of the time. Sometimes we just have to wing it. Misprint retains the right to screen, refuse or totally alter the context of all submissions. Misprint is not associated with any particular organization for a pile of reasons we can’t go into here.

But thk last few months, this twofisted he-man has been into my underwear drawer and clothes closet. He puts on my frills and lounges around the apartment. Last Monday, I got the shock of my life when I returned home after visiting with my mother. There was the big lug sprawled out in front of the TV, swilling beer and eating pretzels in my panties, bra, garter belt and nyldns. Can you imagine the sight? Anyway, now he says he wants to dress up like a woman with a wig and everything and go out for the evening with me to a lounge. He says we can pretend to be pals. Is this sick or what? Should 1 call in professional help? _

It’s a Di-ag in Waterloo.

Dear Drag: You’re the one with the problem. Your man works long, rugged hours in the world’s most macho job. It’s no wonder he wants a big change in order to relax. We’re all adults, I hope, and realize that panties and bras don’t make the man. If he wants to indulge in a little harmless play-acting, go along with it.

photo by Madde@vy

A psychic p.redictidn.s by Dingy Dong Misprint staff Using the centuries old technique of Shullbit, incredible psychics from around the world joined forces to make these fantastic predictions for the year ahead! l Aliens from outer space will invade people’s refrigerators and spiton any rice pudding they find. They will be humming the theme from Star Trek and will dtliver an important message to all Neil Young fans. l Mao Tse Tung will return to Earth in the form of John Lennon l The prestigious University of Waterloo in Canada (MIT North) will tuin out to be involved in a sinister pld to overthrow the world’s governments and disrupt the fishing

industry. l A popular comic strip will turn out to be a mind-bending c$. This

cult will be found to recruit mainly young girls who like swallowing hairpi;ns whole. l In an astonishing display of goodwill, the Ministry of Native Affairs will agree to give Canada’s reserve Indians all the land formerly owned by Atomic Testco as hunting and fishing grounds. l John Lennon will return to Earth in the form of Jesus. l Moonies will take over most of Southern Quebec. The dreaded tribe of Rev. Sun Myung Moon will declare a ban on deodorants. l Deodorants will take over South Korea and put a ban on Moo-

nies. l l

Memorex Terrorists

turns out to be live!! will bomb most of

Elizabeth Taylor. l MacKenzie King comes back as a dog and inherits the St. Paul’s chaplaincy in Waterloo, Canada.

Just.think how lucky you are to be married to real man and not some wimpy Mathie or Artsie who wears pants, but is a sissy all the time.

Thinking wrong Dearest

editor,

I am writing this letter in response to the editorial “Thoughts on Thinking” which appeared in Imprint Nov. 28. I was truly shocked to see a student holding views so radical. How can Marie Sedivy actually believe thinking is a good thing? What is most disturbing is that such a person is allowed to write for a student newspaper. I have been teaching engineering for almost thirty years now, and I find the suggestion that students be allowed to think absolutely preposterous! If students were to think, when would they ever learn anything? Besides, nothing they could possibly think of could be more valid than what I teach them in class. I would also like to propose that thinking does not sufficiently prepare students for life. Is not university supposed to prepare the youth of today to deal with the demands of the working world? Where would the work-force be if young kids were allowed to think and question their superiors? I’ll tell you. Mass anarchy would result! It is pretty obvious the author of the editorial is an artsie; no self-respecting engineering or science student would dare write that students should think. All I can say is that I sincerely hope no other student took her opinions seriously. John JoHnson Professor ‘of Thought and Automation

l Artificial ( intelligence project succeeds at UW. Happy computers declare Dug Right God-Emperor of the Universe. l UW Fed President, Irish Woodlot finally finds a neck buried deep in Loch Ness. l The Pacific Ocean will experience the worst drought in history. Thousands of marine creatures will takecup residence in Los Angeles and Honolulu, creating a severe labour surplus and subsequent job shortage as thousands will lose their jobs to these surprisingly smart sea dwellers! _ , l Scientists will discover a cure for life itself! l Even more aliens from even further outer space will appear on

Earth to tell us how to have our cake and eat it too. l Jesus will return to Earth as a mushroom cloud. ,,

is ‘+

Engineering

I nevei said no such thing To the editor, Everything you’ve printed about me has been taken out of context, I never said any such thing. We’re facing some tough economic times and Canada needs a firm hand at the rudder to steer her through some rough waters. Occasionally, of course, a government is going‘ to take a wrong course. This- is only natural; we’re no different in that regard. Sure we’ve has some problems, but not of the proportions your publication has made them out to be. I realize that a government has to go with the flow, roll with the punches, but I think we’ve been unjustly criticized on ‘many occasions. 1 hope you see fit to right some of the wrongs that have been done to this fine government. I know all about journalistic freedom, but you may have carried the issue too far. (NOTE: this is a national letter

campaign.

-If you

Hudson

Cult groups endorsed

To the editor,

I have lots of spare time for reading so I read copies of most publications, including yours. I would like to briefly comment on the current controversy over cults on your campus. I know for a fact that the groups you casually describe as cults are no such thing. From experience, I know ’ these are fine organizations worthy of my highest praise. You should be as hamed of yourself. Sincerely, one who knows, Charles Manson

cHARLEsmANsoN

Publication’s a rag: reader To the editor, I think your publication is a firstclass rag. Why people even bother to read it is totally beyond me. The only possible use“ for your paper might be to line bird cages. I hope my good name is never associated with such garbage and God forbid that it should ever appear in print on your pages. Sincerely youis, Rhed Knecker

Yuppie love To the editor, Love ya, babe. Next time you’re in Toronto, we’ll do-the lunch thing. David

Peterson

ACK!

have said nice

things about us or have said nothing at all, please disregard this message.)

To the editor,

Ack! Spluuttt, Yours forever (or at least two more years), Brian Mulroney

Bill the Cat

bliiithh!

Anthropologist Ernst Rikenbach has discovered a small tribe of people who worship UW president Doug Wright as god - and attempt to dress like . him and mimic his physical appearance. Rikenbach, who occupies a chair at a prestigious university in Munich, West Germany, said the strange tribe lives on a tiny atoll in the Pacific Ocean: “They are another example of a cargo cult,” he said. “Their island was visited for a short time by a research team for the

University of Waterloo. “One of these men apparently left a copy of Imprint containing two photographs and a gossip story about Doug Wright. “From these two photos has sprung an entire religion and way of life revolving around the U W presi-‘

dent.” The most startling aspect, according to Rikenbach, is the great lengths the men of the tribe go through to copy Wright’s looks. Since these natives lack facial hair, they use paint to copy the beard and moustache Wright used to sport. “They look ridiculous,” said Ri“It was difficult not to kenbach. laugh. After all, here’s a bunch of

half-naked savages wearing short grass skirts and jungle jewelry on their arms and legs who have little painted beards.” The tiny island of the Doug Wright people is located about 175 miles northeast of New Guinea, said Rikenbach. Cargo cults, especially concerning aircraft, are not uncommon in that area. “But this Doug Wright cult is bi-

zarre and unique,” said Rikenbach. “These people apparently never actually came in contact with the researchers, but only found the , newspaper after they had left. As a ~ result, they don’t know the presi) dent’s name or anything else about : him. The two photographs are set up in ’ ’ a shrine in a special hut at the centre of the village. Rikenbach said the pictures were old and weathered.

Book’burning emerges as latest campus-wide trend material back all charred and burnt. When Cascone questioned the group about the blackened, smolA clandestine, on-campus organi- L dering pages, they were evasive, zation which advocates the burning claiming that what they did with the of books and other forms of the magazines was their business. The printed word has been exposed by destructive group harassed Cascone this publication. In a shocking news on her shift until the end of October release on Dec. 1, it was learned that when she became frustrated and requested a shift change to Tuesday the group may have supporters nights. spread throughout the university The Imprint acted immediately community. After a month-long investigation which, involved univerupon the shocking disclosure. On sity officials, the Waterloo Regional Nov. 28, the Fahrenheit 451 Club police, and the Renaissance organihad been completely exposed. Unzation of Canada, some rather starfortunately, most of the events leadcaught red tling discoveries were made. ing up to the association’s exposure to right, Ron 1 The subversive group calls, itself cannot be revealed as of yet because Neal Morethe Fahrenheit 451 Club, presumaof the pending litigation procedures. Mike Brown We were granted an exclusive inbly named because ofthe science-fiction novel of the same name by Ray terview with the executive of the Bradbury. Fahrenheit 451 Club on Dec. 2. The ’ On Nov. 2, a Turnkey who asked Master Burner of the Club is Ronald not to be identified (Kelly Cascone, J. Vanderkaden, 2A Mech. Eng. The 2A Ret) came to the newspaper ofother three executive flame throwers fice to disclose some information of the group are Gavin O’Neill, 2A that she felt she “had kept to herself Civ. Eng.; Rob Harris, 2A Civ. Eng.; and Steve Mennill, 2A Urban Planfor too long”. ning. No Artsies are reported to be Cascone revealed that since the beginning of October, “strange involved. things had happened during my’ Vanderkaden reported that the shift”. When asked to elaborate, she group initiated the book burning described how on every Thursday tactics in an effort to “reduce the night Turnkey shift a group of norDana Porter Library’s book invenmal looking students -came to the tory”. He said that this was the only way to stop the library from sinking; desk and borrowed several magaa gruesome fate caused by a failure zines and the evening paper. The to account for the weight of the problem, Cascone said, was when books in the original construction of they started bringing the signed-out by Mike Misprint

The top four members ofthe Fahrenheit 451 Club, handed by our undercover photographer. From left Vanderkaden, Gavin O’Neill, Steve Mennil, and photo by wood. ,

Brown staff

the library by Waterloo’s engineers in 1968. No library executives were available for comment; however, a library night watchman who asked not to be named for fear of losing his job (Mr. Brad J. Burry) said that the problem of damaged books “is getting so bad that people entering the library with burnt, charred, or smoldering books are asked to renew them immediately. . The Fahrenheit 451 Club’s target manager Gavin O’Neill said that “we have friends in high places”. When further questioned about this comment, O’Neill revealed how the university’s Plant Operations department pays the group (on consignment) for books. Evidently it is* cheaper for Plant Operations to start up its boilers with easy burning books instead of with the more expensive natural gas. Despite the ethical debate which surrounds the book burning issue, the Clubs P.R. man Rob Harris insists that their mandate is legitimate and that the “group has the support of the university community”. The official comment from the Federation of Students office was “burn baby burn”. The administration was slightly more practical. President Doug Wright stated that the “book burning issue definitely has potential as a money making scheme, especially in, light of the computer fee ban”.

Some *more barf -..\ continued

UW Accounting student busily learning necessary . student is participating in UW’s new I’academic program which emphasises the practical.

jobskills. The excellence”

from

page

this was due to the fact that a “Department of Placement” had to be created to hire students to run the’ place, but when interrogated” and tortured, by persistent staff members, Dr. Spite admitted that the incidental fees were levied because of government underfunding. “Over the last decade, approximately, revenue per pizza has diminished by some 40 per cent in real terms and that’s been associated with a tightening of the cheese”, Dr. Spite notes.

As a result, he notes, “pizza sizes are smaller, toppings are more sparse, and pizza makers have less opportunity to give individual pizzas individual attention. We just don’t have the money to spend. At UW, the ratio of pizza customers per hour to employees is 23 to 1. That’s extremely high. Fifteen years ago, the ratio was 12 or 13 to 1 and at Yale it’s 3 to 1.” Disagreement over the council’s demand for a lease is all that stands in the,way ofthe proposal’s appro/

val. Spat Robertrun(fast) is not willing to approve such a lease. “I don’t think it’s up to the Council to say if [the outlet] will or won’t be there,” he said. “After all, this is a dictatorship, and we want a pizza outlet for life.” “If the village decides [they don’t like the pizza], they’ll vote with their pocketbooks . . . you don’t take a vote on whether you should buy pizza from an outlet - you just buy and get diharrea or don’t buy and starve. That’s what Crude Services is all about.”

Bizarre.diseaseturns XIbeautiful miodklinto a . I)

Over the next several months the woman’s condition worsened and dark hair began to grow on her shoulders, neck, stomach and hands. The patient used chemical hair removers, but after a number of weeks her skin reacted to the mixtures and she had to stop using them. “Shaving removed the hair, but left a dark shadow where the stubble was,? said Shaver. “It was not satis-

airy

factory - and what’s more the hair returned within two days or so. “By May of this year, the hair had spread to the patients face and had grown very thick and had grown to a length of about threeinches. We had a complete workup done on the patient and could find nothing in her medical background or current physical conditions to account for this phenomenon.”

beast!

A 20-year-aid U’ W woman’s Dromisine modeling career has come to a sudden stop - because thick hair has started to grow all over her face and body. The woman is now a recluse and doctors are battling to find a cure for her strange affliction, plastic surgeohs at a recent symposium learned. According to a report published for the Symposium of Plastic Surgery in Waterloo, the hair is now three inches long and has spread all over the w.oman’s body, including her once-beautiful face. The woman was the focal point of the symposium on rare skin and body deformities. Doctors admitted that after treating their patient with hormone shots, glandular surgery, plastic surgery and repeated skin grafts, the hair growth still continues. “This-young lady had a highly successful modeling career and was widely admired as one of the most beautiful women in Waterloo,” said Dr. Harry Shaver, one of the two plastic surgeons who described the case. “Today she is a freak in every sense of the word. “It’s the story of beauty and the beast - all played out in the tormented experience of one unlucky woman.” According to Dr. Shaver, the young woman first came to his clinic when she discovered that her body hair was changing and darkening. The surgeon diagnosed her problem as a hormonal imbalance and treated her with doses of female hormones.

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Ethics lessori turns into a real m l

‘HWW

story,-

by Mot Neerg Misprint stiff

faces charges. Moung asked. “We now have no use for the Insti- r The faculty of environmental stutute for Computer .Research builddies has expiessed concern over the ing,” the department wrote in a letter .Recent efforts by UW to introcurrent ethics debate. “We’re going to UW president Dr. Art Slover. duce ethics to the student’s educato run out of problems to solve if tion have backfired. Students and 1 “We suggeSt you allow another fapeople stop screwing up the world. culty, to use it.” faculty have become paralyzed by How can other faculties think only The administration was surprised the possible implications of their j of the common good? Haven’t they by the letter and unable to say who work, according to an internal UW ’ heard of money?” Commented one memorandum. , would get f,he new building,’ which E.S. prof, who couldn’t remember The first case of a student invok- ’ now faces a funding crisis. The U.S. his name. ing ethics to avoid doing work ocDepartment of Defense withdrew all Dr. Socrates, of Philosophy, concurred last term. S. Claus of 4A its funding, stating however that curred. “What are they trying to Systems Design refused work on the “this is totally unrelated to current build? A world where everyone’s events ia C.S.” happy? How are philosophers supdevelopment of a Personal Nuclear But UW president Slover vowed posed to enjoy that? Device. He was fired by his emto finish .the building, with his new Not everyone agrees, however, ployer, Lithon Systems. “I couldn’t fool-proof voluntary fee to replace that the campus has become too eth- . justify the work to myself,” Claus said. He feared a personal nuclear the computer fee. He explained, ically oriented. device might somehow be abused by “those who don’t volunteer to pay Engineering students . protested inconsiderate people. ’ the fee will be expelled.” He also last week in front of the Arts Lecture Prof Warry Bills of Systems was suggested renaming the building the Hall. They claimed that Arts stufurious. “Claus was one of our Eaton Centre. Stores would be aldents aren’t developing any social model students. He’s lost all considlowed to ,rent space. “It would be concerns. “They read nasty books another innovative joint university and plays - they even paint naked eration for employers. One can’t - industry program for Waterloo to people!” cried the editor of the Iron take this ethics thing too far - he was being paid after all.” undertake - we could be a leader in Warrior to the gathered crowd. Since Wisenbaum’s Hagey lecthe field .” Arts students could not be tures on “Computer Scientists and The ethics rage has also effected reached for comment. They weie off the Arms Race,” the department of Waterloo’s famous biotechnology 0~ a seminar on “Effectively Applycomputer science has been facing an program, usually exempt from ethiing for Defense Department fundcal considerations. Researchers are ing.” upheaval. trying to determine why bacteria Other uqiversities across Canada “Because they fear military appliwon’t’ touch food services pizza. were not surprised by developments’ cation of their work, C.S. people Furry Yoo-Moung of biotechnology at UW. A source at Queen’s said,: have halted all research,” lamented, Dean (check spelling, insert later). said, “we’re reconsidering many of “Its no wonder - all those UW stuSeveral professors have been seen our programs. It just never occ’urred dents ever do is attend events for vandalizing their terminals. One was to us before that technology could cultural enrichment and discuss savcaught trying to pull the massive have negative effects.” ing the world. They need to be more “I’s it right to teach food services plug for the mainframe, and now career oriented if they want to go% to make something edible?” Yooanywhere.”

Misprint exposes culties

Twnip win marred by TrudoUgh disclosure Jon Turnip may have retained his job as leader of the Liberal party, but the honeymoon will soon be over, sources close to party insiders reveal. Someone in the know gave Misprint an exclusive tip that former party leader Pierre Trudough secretly plotted to let Turnip win last weekend’s vote so that he can easily win his way back into the top dog’s spot. “Pierre knows that he can easily defeat Turnip when he’s ready to make his [ move,” says one insider. “He would find it hard to take the job away from long-time pal Gean Cretin, who would have easily beaten out Turnip if he had openly declared his intention to run for the job.” , “Trudough persuaded Cretin not to make too many public displays for * just that reason,” another informed sdurce agrees. “Just wait until election time draws nearer, then you’ll see P.T. make his “You’ll see, he’ll be oodles more move,” boasts one long-time supporter. popular than this Turnip guy.”

Students of professor Coldfather’s class say he is not at all involved with the notorious. mooners cult. Both denied ever hearing anything about the alleged cult group. thing wrong with them,” said one student. The class generally agreed Coldfather was a good professor and there was nothing wrong with his teaching methods. “He’s a great guy,” said another student. “I think people have the wrong impressTon of him.” “When I first took this course, I thought cults were had. Now I think they are great!” chanted several students. UW president Dog Bight said he is pleased to see such conforming, clean-cut students representing the university. “We should be proud of these cult students willing to sacrifice sleep and food to sell flowers to raise money for the university.” said Wright. Underfunding is a serious problem, and this is a feasible solution, he said. Waterloo Mayor Margarine Carrot said it reflects well on the community to_ see such well-controlled students. Professoi Coldfather is- also a card carrying member of the hungry project.

Aerial

shot

of UW campus

at night.

Se.curity chief says: stop

wh.ining! by Phred the bouncing Misprint staff

Czech .

According to Phred Shmuart, director of campus non-security, women’s concerns about safety and insufficient lighting on campus are completely unfounded. “We have heard these women babbling -about insufficient lighting and about lights not working all term,” he said. “And quite frankly, we’re fed up of it all.” Women on campus say his attitude is abhorrent. “Not only is he refusing to release statistics about assaults on campus, but he ignbres a problem which is obviously there. Throughout the term, we’ve been asking women to let us know if they see lights which are out. We’ve compiled an impressive file so far, but Shmuart won’t even look at it.” “We’ve. conducted our own study,” says Shmuart. “And as this aerial photo of campus clearly indicates, lighting is no problem whatsoever.”

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A lo.ngydistance interview.with

The.K,ing .

Despite

the extreme long distance spared nothing to Elvis “The King” Aaron and the riveting interview

. charges, Misprint contact Presley, ensued.

Misprint: Good day to your worship, is all well? Presley: Oh yeah. M: What is cooking in music with

you? P: A little harp. M: There is rumour of a possible come back - that would be heavenly for your ardent fans. Any feelings about this? P: Mixed feelings - the music inspires but I would go through my own personnal hell.

An exclusive

M: Anything new in music inspiring you?, l P: New? M: Anything funky or roots-rock focused? i P: Like? M: Who about Misprint favs Trouble Funk? P: Trouble - Who?

inside look at

Blue Movie Blues Tom Hanks stars as a dedicated anti-pornography activist, and E.G. Daily plays the saucy yet vulnerable porn star who steals his heart. Zany romantic comedy from Ivan Reitman. Breakout! Michael Dudikoff and Lucinda Dickey play the leaders of a breakz ing crew on tour in Central America, who are assigned by the U.S. go-

vernment to rescue a valiant rebel leader from the jail of a corrupt banana republic. Sam Firstenburg directs. A Cannon Release. Up the Amazon John Hughes directed this sensitive teen drama about six American exchange students from different backgrounds who get to know one another after their Piper Cub is shot down over the Amazon Jungle by native catapults. Stars Emilio Estevez, Rob Lowe, Demi Moore, Judd Nelson, Molly Ringwald and Quinn Cummings. ?he Barren Lund Historical drama based on the life

of rock W roll M: P: M: P: M:

Defunkt? DE - what? Prince Charles? Prince - when? That’s a solid rap - man. Have you been practicing? P: I don’t know what your talking about. As of late, I’ve been out of the music business.

M: Hold that thought - it’s beautiful babe. You can go to the top. We’ll get the right producer. P: Sam Philips? M: No - Someone like Joe Perry (Run DMC’s latest producer) or maybe Dave Edmunds will do a crossover. This is deep - fab babe you’ll be THE KING again.

Yes, they’re back --

Shi,t Crappings

Upco*ming ’ Movies ’ As a service to all you movie fans, here’s a taste of some of the new movies you may want to see in the new year:

of Belgian colonial hero Jan Vlandersmussen (Jack Nicholson) who devoted his life to pest control after locusts laid waste to his plantations. Early reports don’t give this one a very good chance. Says Ebert, “Makes you want to stand up and jeer.” Our Day at the Beach A provacative and amusing look at a day trip to the beach undertaken by three college friends (Hanna Schygulla, Catherine Deneuve and Paulina Porizkava) who havn’t seen each other for ten years. Directed bv Eric Rohmei. d

’

Screw exams!! If you study for ‘em all month and don’t get royally blitzed every -other night, you’re all a bunch of wimps and you’ll burn in hell along with Tall Groan, Crass Woodscum, Dim Squirrelich, ChuckMakattack, and Pecker Hawsonpepper and the rest of those perpetually dateless Misprint Arts dinks. Who knows? You might even see them at some of these hot events. Dead Hell is hosting its first ever New Year’s Eve bash December 29 with Mrs. Missus, an all-girl salute to Mr. Mister. As an added bonus, opening the show will be Mickey, the tribute to Toni Basil. Bring yer porn-poms for this one. The alternative show of the year will be at Lava 45 1 on Christmas Eve with the K-W premiere performance of Death From Pestilence. Describing themselves as psychexistential death rock with “kind of a dark edge”, the highlights of their multimedia show include the ritual death of the lead singer and random members of the audience. There is a dress code in effect and anyone showing up not entirely dressed in black will be fed to the band prior to the show. ‘It’s also a big week at the Coroleatherette. Performing will be Noise, whose press release describes them as “a loud metal attack that’11 kick the butt of any punk wimp”. Down it the Pit, the headlining act is the gorgeous Miss Nude St. Jacobs ‘82-X3, Henrietta Fantasy. Also in the peeler department, The Maulspouse at The Brand features direct from Timmins, Unregenerate Whore and her autoerotic cabaret.

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The Steve Kelly Band 85 Albert

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by Chuckamakattack Misprint staff This piece of vinyl reflects the consummation of the relentless efforts of a very talented musician. Steve Kelly manages to capture the spirit and the mood of what it is like to contemplate about getting up for an 8.30. on this absolute gem of an album. His prosaic and poetic elegance defies the idiosyncrasies inherent in most electrical engineering students The song Hey, don’t break my popcorn maker! reflects the frustrating experiences of this hyperactive young man. Kelly is able to show the stark realities of his lethargic and apathetic conditions when it comes to academic endeavours. By brooding about his popcorn maker he reaches his utmost in passionate dementia when he chants: Oh hey ah

DesDerateIv seeking Deja Voodoo --m--

---

Another episode of that favourite adventure, In Search of Deja Voodoo, our heroes tripping out on Thursday night, November 27 somewhere (Guelph - where?). After a Guelph toga party at the Loft, a evening of folk bands (oh wow mahn), and a pint at a crowded standup bar on U of Goo campus, frazzled nerves erupt . . . Don screams, “Where the hells the band?! Where are we?! Where the fuck are we going?! I though you

pretentious art wrrtmg types knew everything, at Ieast that’s what you told me! What’d ya mean we’re out of beer?! Ah fuuuhh . . . ‘* And as the evening fizzled, comforting words are spewed from the back seat - “I know this looks bad, no band, no beer, running low on smokes, but shit isn’t Guelph a pretty city.

Misprint will continue coverage / of this gripping tale of’ L?espararely Seeking Deja Voodoo - stay tuned.

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Kelly is ably backed up by such talented artists as Greg ‘the edge’ Downs. His superb guitar theatrics surly warrants him as the best guitarist to date who can hold a curling broom at the same time while janWhere gling his manhood. Slick and Smooth all-rounder session artist extraordinaire Rob ‘dishwash phobia man’ Hutchison adds ethereal vocal effects with such vivaciousness that one can only wonder whether he shows the same passion when shoveling the studio driveway.. Perhaps Steve Kelly and the rest of his cronies should pay tribute to *_I I’ . the man who could make the album such a. success; Bob ‘noxio‘us’ Graham who has ably managed the affairs of the band. If he hadn’t pounded on the ceiling walls all those late nights Steve Kelly might have been able to go to his 8.30s after all. Frankly I’m glad that Kelly hasn’t gone to his 8.30s. There is one song that sticks out in my mind. It’s called, Guys, Zgot a $265 phonebill. Stick around Nevets. .

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Comfortably sitting 14 people in one van, the closing of the van door marked the beginning of the journey. ,The rental van’s handle falling off was to foreshadow the sequence of events which followed for the Athenas volleyball team. ’

Easing gently down the 401 toward. Chatham, the sky suddenly turned an ominous shade of gray. The bopping harmonies of Wham! on the rental van’s radio were suddenly supplanted ..by the evil, insidious pounding of AC-DC’s “Highway To Hell”. When one shrieking Athena tried to change the music, no other song could be found, her nubile well-toned body

tensed, her palms became clammy as a gruff voice full of hatred.and scorn came over the airwaves” YOU WON’T BE PLAYING IN CHATHAM TONIGHT LADIES!!!!!” The ground suddenly began to crumble underneath the rental van’s tires as a great chasm opened up and engulfed the unsuspecting travellers. As they were inexorably drawn through the ghastly depths of Sa-

HeI1

tan’s Sewer the Athena goddesses soon realized they would be fighting a battle of far more consequence than the OWIAA West. A sudden jarring blow greeted the rental van as it found itself festooned upon the colossal gates of Satan’s Athletic Complex (SAC). Tongues of flame lapped against the side of the van as the screaming chants of Satan’s hordes, beating futilely upon the rental van door were heard, but luckily the handle was lying securely back in Waterloo, on the ground of the PAC parking lot. Spinning his head around, the Athena’s worthy navigator identified himself as an evil cronie of Satan, opening the door and thusunleashing the angry hordes upon them. Shackled and chained, the Athenas -were prodded by demon sceptres toward the fiery encIave of Satan’s ebony gym. The ageless conflict between good and evil had begun. Playing upon hot coals Satan’s Pit Vipers led by Ghengis Khan with other noteworthies such as Succubus and Mammon felt comfortable with the homecourt advantage against the cowering Athena archangels. With the score two games to none for these agents of sin, a

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Just when you thought it was safe to play rugby. . In a recent article in the Toronto Sun it was revealed that there is an increasing paranoia among English Rugby Union players about contracting AIDS from accidental blood spillages on the field. Curious about this pheno.menon, Misprint decided to investigate the possible OUAA

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blinding beam of light pierced through the stygian darkness, metamorphisizing the Athena bench into the Christ child’s manger and from the manger emerged fingers of divine light, the evil grind of Satan’s stratocasters were drowned out by heavenly choruses of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, as these fingers gently kissed the foreheads of each team member, transforming them into heavenly bodies capable of no end of superhuman feats. Aided by this divine intervention, the angelic At-henas delivered blow upon blow rendering the Vipers useless and defeating them five games to three to win the match, thus capturing the coveted Hurtz Rent A Van Broken Door Handle Cup. The nubile heroine Athenas were whisked through Satan’s dungeon of knowledge securely ensconced in their now divinely winged rental van. Emerging on the cool, deserted tarmac of the PAC at 3’a.m., they were beckoned by a shrouded lantern-bearing shepherd, who sporting a sardonic grin proffered them a gnarled rental van door handle murmured, “I believe you lost something.”

inRugby ramifications of this tragic revelation. We talked to (none other than Misprint’s own rugby czar, JS MISPRINT: Do you think that there is any validity to this story? J.S.: Well Mike, to be frank, yes. MISPRINT: Does this mean that you’ve had some of the symptoms of AIDS after rugby games?

continued

on next page

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Paw J.S.: Not me personally but I have heard through the -grapevine of sev* era1 Queen’s players who are now under observation for the suspected virus after their recent victory over McMaster for the OUAA championships. MISPRINT: Are you implying that the virus helped these teams get to the finals? J.S.: Far be it for me to suggest that perhaps these two teams were undeserving of their play-off berths. However, it was suggested prior to the test that several Queen’s players were afflicted with the virus and that inflicting open wounds could potentially be fatal for the attacker. I think in retrospect this made many Warriors somewhat reticent rendering them less aggressive than usual. MISPRINT: D oes this mean that your own rugby career may be in jeopardy? J.S.: No Mike, 1 will simply have to refrain from licking the spilled blood or saving it for caesars-after the game. MISPRINT: Mary, Jesus and Joseph J.S.!!!!!! Are these barbarous activities commonplace throughout the OUAA? J.S.:During the early years of rugby it was thought helpful to promote team unity and despite several later rulings outlawing the practice some players decided to continue the practice. MISPRINT: Will the Warriors employ AIDS infected players next season in order to intimidate the opposition? J.S.: You would have to bring that up with the coach and the administration Mike but it certainly is an option to be considered. MISPRINT: Golly gee whiz 5.S., I never realized rugby was so complex. But from a moral rather than a strategic standpoint, what measures is the league taking to stop this potentially catastrophic problem? J.S.: It is only hearsay but blood tests will now be conducted prior to every match and in increased aware- ’ ness program will be conducted consisting of seminars titled Rugby and. AIDS: Strum Awareness and You. MISPRINT: Thanks J.S., maybe you should switch to gin and tonic for next season, eh?

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REASONS FROM

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THE FOOTBALL WARRIORS CUP COMPETITION

“We failed to execute” Ears damaged by excessively loud Fed Hall music No funky cheerleader babes David Wilcox concert at Coronet night before Western No directions included with new footballs I Too few pictures in playbook \ The Warrior Band Anxiety in anticipation of Springsteen box-set release. Dissension due to inter-squad love triangles. “We didn’t get no -breaks, no how!”

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Man -has IdlboUr pains,as wife gives birth- - ~ by Phred the rubber Misprint stuphph

Czech

A twenty-phive year-old man rushed to the hospital aphter experiencing excruciating abdominal pains and contractions was phound to be undergoing labour pains, Misprint has just learned. Sam Pathetic oph England is said to >have experienced morning sickness phrom the start oph his wiphe’s phirst pregnancy. “That’s how we knew she was pregnant; I got up one morning-and couldn’t go to work because oph severe nausea. She happened to come to the doctor’s ophphice with me, and he examined both oph us even though she was pheeling perphectly phine,” said Pathetic with a heavy aristocratic accent. “The two oph us have always been close, but I had never heard oph anything like this happening bephore. I didn’t think it was possible,” said his wiphe.

According to close phriends oph the phamily, Mrs. Pathetic did not go through any oph the problems common to pregnant women; her husband went through all oph them instead. “I’m somewhat relieved this is all over now,” said an exhausted Sam Pathetic. “Aphter this, I don’t think we’ll have any more kids.‘It’s just too exhausting. I don’t know how women have been bearing children phor all these centuries.” Mrs. Pathetic reportedly would like two or three more children. “The two had originally planned to have three or phour children,” said Mrs. Pathetic’s mother. “My daughter just wants to s’tick to that. It’s Sam who’s chickening out now, just because he now knows what women have to go through. But phor women it’s nothing new.” Mrs. Pathetic’s obstetrician admits he was surprised by the events. “I’ve heard oph men going through morning sickness during a

wiphe’s pregnancy,” he said in an exclusive interview. “That’s known as sympathetic pregnancy, and although rare, I know colleagues who have dealt with it. What really shocked me was when Sam started experiencing labour pains. I’d say it’s a good thing he did, though. Otherwise the baby would have been born without anyone even knowing about it.” Mrs. Pathetic drove to the hospital when she heard oph her husband’s contractions. She arrived just

in time phor the birth, and within two hours was back at work again. She is reported to. be in excellent health. “She has shown a remarkable ability to deal with pregnancy,” said a hospital spokesperson. . In the meantime, Sam Pathetic remains in the hospital with severe abdominal pain. He is expected to be released within about phive days. The baby boy weighed in at 7 pounds, 3 ounces, and is doing phine.

“This is dephinitely the strangest birth I’ve seen in the thirty years I’ve worked here,” said the head nurse oph the maternity ward. “All in all, it’s been a remarkable day. The only complication is we had diphphiculty deciding where to put Mr. Pathetic. We couldn’t put him on the maternity ward with all the other women. On the other hand, he wanted to be near his child. But that’s all been sorted out now. Maybe we can go back to being a normal hospital again.”

Sex healthy M Ds reveal by Phred the rubber Czech While Dr. Late has been involved Misprint stuphph in studying sex in relation to arthriPhor centuries now, doctors and tis, Dr. N. Joy’s research has led him scientists phrom around the world to discover the uses oph sex in stress have been studying sexual behavior management and relaxation. among humans and animals alike. “Our liphe today is such a rat race; Although the research was originalthousands oph people phrom all soly concerned with sexual response cial classes suphpher phrom severe and reproduction, astonishing disstress. I think it’s really sad most coveries have emerged as a by-propeople spend hundreds oph dollars a duct oph the studies. week on tranquilizers, doctors, and According to Dr. Stim U. Late I psychiatrists, when they are ignoring oph the Caliphornian Q.W.A.C.K. the most obvious solution to their Institute, “We are just now beginpent-up phrustration,” says Dr. Joy. ning to realize the.medicinal powers According to Dr. Joy, orgasm has oph sexual activity oph any sort.” been “scientiphically phound to be a Arthritis suphpherers could well - phar more ephphective phorm oph be the phirst to benephit phrom the relaxation than tranquilizers, psydiscoveries. According to Late, sexchotherapy, and hot baths put toual stimulation causes the body to gether.” secrete certain hormones used in the This discovery, according to the treatment oph arthritis. doctor, could benephit those who “Sex is merely a natural way oph suphpher phrom stress induced ailproducing this hormone, and is ments such as migraines. much sapher phor there are no side “Until now, there has been very ephphects. Sexual activity can delittle that migraine suphpherers crease the pain oph arthritis phor up could do about their ophten incato three days aphterward. It is a pacitating headaches. Very phew remedy I would strongly recomphound any sort oph drugs to be oph mend to all arthritis suphpherers.” much help. But there is strong evi-

Dieting

breakthrough

dence linking the incidence and intensity oph migraines to stress level. Iph we can eliminate stress, we could be on our way to very important medical discoveries,” says Dr. Joy. phor optimum ephphect, Joy advocates extensive use oph massaging as phoreplay. In the meantime, Dr. Phun and Dr. Games have been researching “the benephits oph sex in the general phitness oph human beings,” “What- we’ve beeti concerned with is enhancing sexual pleasure while promoting physichl phitness among all age groups,” says Dr. Phun. - “It’s a super way to tone up phlabby inuscles,” say Phun and Games. “It’s particularly ephphective as a phorm oph abdominable exercise.” Td also like to point out that the use oph certain positions can enhance phlexibility in both partners,” adds Dr. Games. Complete reports on these breakthrough discoveries are available through Misprint phor the low cost oph $19.99 each. Order your copy‘. today! Improve your health and live longer!

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Phuck those extra Dounds by Phred the rubber Misprint stuphph

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A shattering new‘ discovery could end the misery oph thousands oph overweight women throughout North America, Misprint has learned recently in an exclusive interview with the elusive Dr. Kant Phukenuphph. ” “According to active research I’ve beeri involved in phor the past twenty phive years,” he said, “coitus bums approximately 300 calories.

This could revolutionize dieting.” Dr. Phukenuphph’s dieting program could phorever put an end to weeks oph selph-sacriphice and phad diets which 9never seem to work. All the “patient*’ is required to do is engage in sex several times daily, depending on how muchweight loss is desired. “Talk about losing weight and enjoying it!” said an elated Dr. Phukenuphph. The doctor iealizes his program would put hundreds oph diet clinics

and weight control programs out oph business. “Weight Watchers could well be the hardest hit,” he stated. This does not concern him excessively, phor he pheels these programs have merely been taking advantage oph consumers and women unlucky enough to be born heavier than the average North American anorexic. “It is not usually the woman’s

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Phrustrate * Phred’s Phucking Pheature by Phred the rubber -Misprint stuphph

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Not all societies view sexual activity in the same way, Misprint has learned aphter sending a reporter to various third world countries:‘ “We in North America have become so accustomed to viewing monogamy as the norm that we ophten don’t even take alternative liphestyles into consideration,” says Misprint correspondent F.U.N. Stuphph. In many oph the primitive societies Stuphph visited, attitudes toward sex are phar diphpherent phrom the North American norm. Stuphph phirst travelled to the Soviet Union. There, he was struck by the absence. oph love seats. “1 was told the Russians don’t like doing things in twos. \I think it has something to do with their ideology. They believe in the collective; everything must be done through and with the collective.” Oph course, things weren’t always . the way they are now. Phor many years, the Russian system was inphluenced by western decadence. “Collectivization was a very trau-

“Statements like that are totally matic experience phor average Russian peasants. It went against all ridiculous. Everyone knows that . their values and Orthodox beliephs. science has made great progress in In some cases, during Stalin’s reign, recent years. What’s the matter with the government had to resort to the s you people? Hasn’t anyone out there use oph phorce,” Stuphph was told read Brave New World? You don’t need sex to have kids. These lies by Polit-beer-o representatives. must be the work oph phascists or Stuphph was phurther inphormed Commies who don’t believe in morthere was no longer any opposition als.” to governmental sexual policies. “Our people are really concerned . On the other end oph the specabout the collective good. We have trum lies the Paciphic haven oph phound that in appealing to their Mangaia. There, virginity is looked higher emotions, they have been down upon, and male relatives. very cooperative once they broke “have the odious task oph teaching phree oph their chains. Now they are adolescent girls the techniques -oph phree.” sexual intercourse.” .In addition, phrom the Soviet Union, Stuphph males courting young women are expected to spend the night with the travelled on to the island oph lnis girl while the parents stay up to Beag just ophph the coast oph lrelisten phor the noise the two make as land. Women there are unknown to experience orgasm, and sex has virthey orgasm. tually been wiped out. Having many sexual partners be“Sex is an unnecessary evil phore marriage increases the value brought here by the Irish,” said a’ oph a Mangaian woman. representative oph the island clergy. “What use is a woman iph she “We hope to completely wipe out all doesn’t know how to please her asked a Mangaian native insexual activity on the island by the man?” next generation. credulously aphter being inphormed The representative discounted that some societies disapprove oph sex phor reasons other than procreaconcerns that without sex the population would die out. tion.

Phuckin diet (continued

from

page

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Phuckin Diet. This paperback IS available phor $24.99 in most bookstores, and lists the calories burned in various positions, as well as calories expended in alternative sexual activity. The doctors tips include cautioning women not to swallow during phellatio. “Research has shown that the average load oph semen contains approximately 300 calories, thus the woman would be gaining back what she is burning ophph.” Dr. Phukenuphph used as an illustration the case oph one woman

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who went to a weight loss clinic. Although she closely phollowed the presccbed diet, she had phailed to lose any weight aphter nearly a month. The clinic’s nutritionist decided to closer monitor her eating habits. They were convinced she had been cheating on her diet. But closer observation revealed she was a prostitute . . . “More secrets than that 1 will not divulge,” said the doctor. “Read the book; it will enhance your sex liphe while you lose weight and become the trim, thin, and beautiphul perI son you’ve always wanted to be.

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phault she is big-boned or even phat. 1 have absolutely no sympathy phor those capitalist pigs who aim to exploit women through their bodies.” Although well aware he could make millions with his revolutionary diet, he is not interested in making money. “My primary concern is to give to all women a sense oph well-being. I’m not out to rob them the way other diet programs do. I just want ‘ to help.” Dr. Kant Phukenuphph has recently published his book, The New

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