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Imprint, Friday, December * 1, 1989

Yetta tells all

.:. I-

How I whipped

and slept my way to thetop circle of the nation’s power and a neverending source of material for her work. After publishing her last book, titlad Kissing and Telling, Yetta was able to retire comfortably on the bestseller’s earnings. In her spare time, she is working on an investigation of J.F. Kennedy’s and Abraham Lincoln’s mysterious deaths. As a former reporter, she is most gracious about granting interviews and making appearances on talk shows, including her favourite, the Gerald0 Rivera show. A legend of her time, society owes her a great deal for bringing to light the real story of the people in the upper echelons of power.

by Renegade Stable Misprint staff /Names have been changed to protect the identities of those involved. -ed.)

“If I had to do it all over again, I would,” the legendary Yetta recently disclosed in a candid interview with Misprint. *‘Except this time I’d start at the top and skip. the riffraff at gutter level.” Yetta [so famous by now that she only needs to go for by her first name] has made journalism history getting interviews with the most inaccessible ghbal personalities. Her advantage in this mtile-dominated field: that age-old techniqueof batting her*big blue eyes and exposing her leggy curves to best advantage. “It’s a man’s world, that’s for sure,” she proclaims wisely, “and that’s just the way I like it!” Women’s lib, according to Yetta, is highly overrated. “I mean, why bother with all that hullabaloo when it’s far easi.erto wrap a man’around your little finger (or whatever. . .] than try to change his way of thinking. Besides, I like having a big strong man around to open doors for me, pay for dinner, take out the garbage, open pickle jars (I always break my nails), you know, all that ickey stuff that I don’t like doing. Her list of more than willing interviewees started with sleazy low-level politiker Shane C. and ranged to top dog (and apparently red-hot French lover] Jean C. Yetta’s versatility and wide range of Askills endeared her to each and every one of her subjects. According to Yetta, Shane wanted, needed even to feel the sting of her riding crop before he felt comfortable enough to divulge details of his life and the history of his rise to the cesspool

level of student politics. ?his unique method of establishing rapport with an interview sub. ject led to her nickname Leatherclad Dominatrice. But Shane was a mere pebble on the road to a long lineup of really big names. Yetta’s’ next stepping stone to fame, Doug W., was far more prominent. President of a well-known university, Doug was quite reticent about giving interviews, preferring to remain enigmatic behind a cloak of impersonal press releases. But Yetta found another chink in the male armor j his susceptibility to a sexy phone voice. Some in-depth research led to the discovery of several 967 numbers on Doug’s phone bill. Yetta used her vast tele-marketing background to establish another link with prominence. Under the guise of the Scclndinavian Love Goddess+she was able to establish a vital connection to an integral member of a powerful institution. Yetta’s coup, however, was her chance meeting with top-

Yetta’s edible ‘*eatme beat me” tlcorlce whip. (it wo’rks!)

Doug is hot stuff. “I’ve still gat IL IV “.

level politician, Jean C. During a lull in her career, Yetta was working in the “hospitality” industry when she met Jean. He was so pleased with her service (not to mention the rest of her), that he swept her away to his next political outing, giving her the most sought-after scoop of the decade (and much more). Yetta still has a reminiscent smile on her face when she talks about .Jean. “Yes, he was d&finitely the highlight of my career,” she sighed languidly. “He taught me things I’d never dreamed of learning . . . about politics, I mean,” she added quickly with a sly smile. The chance encounter became a longstanding friendship, based on mutual respect and common interests. Jean provided Yetta with that final stepinto the inner

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Imprint, Friday. December 1, 1989

MISPRINT

Raises borrowing rates, increases

chances

of winnibg

They’re coming! Transcontinental Masturbaters, this week from their ivory towers, are interested in spreading their practise across campus and the world, Exponents of Transcontinental Mastubation claim practising TM on a regular basis stimulates weight loss, raises borrowing ,rates and increases your chance at winning the lottery. Introductory lectures begin. next week, but this amazing offer won’t come free: each private session is $155 a shgt. I down

Says Helga Steel, a fully-licensed TM teacher, “Ya gots ta make a living some how, honey. These tighties don’t appreciate nothing unless they gotta fork out.” There is some concern from the Federation of Students on *granting club status to the group. Primarily, concern lies with past involvement of the group’s head Masterbator, Steel, and the organization’s founder, the Mazaradi Hashish Yogurt. The Mazaradi is under investigation for smuggling non-kosher _

lottery

l&isturbation

Transcontinentd by K. Trout Misprint staff

modifications that can take place in individuals when Trancontinental Masturbation is overdone. Says pschologist R. Cramden; “Some patients have gone off on r*frenzied sexual orgies, ending in extreme genital irritation.”

marshmallows into several countries. He is now hiding in the Congo Basin, showing the pygmies how TM is done. Steel is currently under investigation by the RCMP for prostituting ducks and certain strains of E. Coli bacteria; questionable activities in a foreign country involving two hundred police (without badges] and publicly displaying a Homecumming poster. There are some concerns over the long term affects of TM. One study notes certain behavioral

TM’s founder, the Mazaradl Hashish Yogurt, Is alive and well Man suffers from genital irritation after overdoing TM.

“Good for what ails ya!” -DR. DISC 172 KING ST. W.,

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Imprint, Friday, December 1, 1989 5

Poisoned, mlanet .. . . . ...I.....~.......**..*........~..........**~~~~=~~~*~==~~* *zdd*&tcuice” .*,~.*.....,*........~...~..*.*...*.*...~....~~*~~~~~*~~....~. ,.-not anymore. 1 used to be like you - working 9 to 5 going nowhere. But one day a wise friend told me a . secret - and I haven’t looked back. If you want to be tike me - the biggest and best candy licker on your block - spend a few minutes a q.ay with my

Mr. CANDY LICKER ‘83 ‘84 ‘86

by Bighead Misprint staff

We thought we’d jump on the environmental bandwagon. So here’s Mr. Bighead’s tips on how we can each do our bit and help Mother Earth. Following them closely; you might salve your conscience but achieve little else. - Leaen to swim to avoid wasting fuel on trans-Atlantic flights. - For a handy household cleaner, distill the ammonia out of your urine. - Mother karth is over-populated, so when opportunity arises kill those around you. Be discrete and try to use those corpses for compost. - Try to exploit the earth’s magnetic field - wear tinfoil all over your body, all the time. - Save water: flush only once a week. Don’t forget to siphon off that methane. - Save natural gas, put a cork up your ass. 7 Don’t drive to the corner store, send your girlfriend on foot. - Stop-and-go driving wastes gas, causes more pollution and is hard on cars; try to igriore red lights and stop signs. - Conserve water hy showering together. If you live alone arganize a “shower pool” with neighbours and co-workers. - Plastic bags at supermarkets waste resaurces and are non-biodegradable; use paper sacks or better, yet, shoplift. - Bend over and kiss your ass goodbye - this stuff is too little too late. If we all pull together and “do our bit? we might get another two or three years before the final eco-disaster carries us all to b

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Imprint, Friday, December 1, 1989

The Sexist Enquirer DEAR SEXPERT: My girlfriend says that she loves me but we haven’t seen each other in three years. Every time I phone her she says that she can’t go out because her plants are sick. I don’t know much about plants and stuff but how long do you think it will be until her plants get better? ANSWER: I don’t know much about plants either but a cactus probably has more brains than you do. Did it ever occur to you that maybe she was using that plant story as an excuse? I’ll bet you anything that she was washing her hair every time you called. DEAR SEXPERT: Should I talk to my partner while I’m having sex? ANSWER: That depends on whether or not you’re near a phone. DEAR SEXPERT: Can you tell me where to find someone who wants to have wild and exciting sex? ANSWER: If I knew do you think I’d be writing this column right now? <

CONFIDENTIAL TO: Nobel Prize Winner for Sexual Knowledge: What’s wrong with ’ putting condoms on your nose anyway? Perplexed in Sunnydale: I have no idea why cucumbers keep disappearing from your fridge. Red-faced Villager: Maybe you should shut the curtains next time. (P.S. I’d get the negatives if I were you). For anyone with serious questions, the Sexuality Resource Centre will be open on a limited basis during the month ofTDecember. We’re located in CC206 and our phone number is 8854211, ext. 2308, There will be a schedule on our door each week listing the hours that we will be open. Anyone interested in volunteering at the SRC for the winter term can pick up an information sheet from the bulletin board outside our door. Thanks to all the Fall ‘89 volunteers: Lucette Barber, Glynis Bergsma; Caroline Crnekovic, Lisa D’Amico, Teresa DeSantis, Anne-Marie Donnelly, Mike Dupuis, Raffaella Jeffcut, Jason Kleinbub, Sara Macdonald, Tim Mticneil, Lisa Mayne, Alison McPhee, Jill Milner, Daniel Ponech, Linda Ross, Tammy Routley, Mary Jo Schropp, Pamela Simpson, Lynne Teasell, Isabel van den Kerkhof, Fred Walter and Emily Weber.

NOBODY HURRIESatJack Diniel’s Distillery in Lynchburg, Tennessee.There’s time to do things right. EverI drip of Jack Daniel’s W&key is seepedfor days through room-high mellowing vats before aging. It’s an old-time Terinessee-methodthat simply must be taken slowly. The after mellowing, our whiskey @ins added smoothness as it sleepslong years in charred oak barrels. Yes,it takesa lot of time to makeJack Daniel’s. But after a sip, we think you’ll agree it’s worth every minute. JACK DANIEL’S TENNESSEE Wl-HSKEY If you’dlikea bookletabout Jack Daniel’sWhiskey,Write us herein Lynchburg,Tennessee,37352, U.S.A.

I MISPRINT

MISPRINT

Imprint, Friday, December 1, 1989

Hoped condom wjll follow

Prosthetic by Geof Myth Misprint staff -Today UW hardware design engineers made anot her leap forward for humanity in the field of prosthetic penis replacements. Lead designer, Mark Till-Then is pictured above with the prototype, aptly ni-cknamed ‘*Peter.” “It’s really a wide open field,” commented Till-Then. “And anybody sporting one of these babies need not fear that age old question ever again: Is that all there is?”

penis

frained, however, from commenting on the erotic possibilities such flexibility implied. “But we’re thinking about adding a vision system,” he said with a pronounced wink. The announcement has not gone unnoticed in the world press. The Association for Xnternational Transsexuals has expressed great interest and has offered funding for research into

of the improving the naturazness aesthetics. Trojan Products International has not yet announced whether they plan to release a product line aimed at the Peter. In a surprise move, the Federation of Students announced that they would provide lubrication for the device until sales were able to offset this substantial financial burden.

Indeed, whether your lady% preference is length or width, this unit is aimed to please. Measuring 52 centimetres in length and a whopping 33 cm across at the base, this will be more than enough for even the most voracious of partners. “Weight is currently a problem,” Till-Then confided off the record. “It weighs a respectable 62 kilos without the power supply.” Rumours that the entire project is the result of a devastating accident that occurred while Till-Then was effecting repairs to a robot arm were completely denied by the red-faced engineer. I The fact that the design is modelled on an existing robot arm provide many interesting features and capabilities beyond those ,usually associated with the male reproductive organs. “For instance,” Till-Then pointed out, “the unit is completely prehensile and Z;las six degrees of freedom. _ - If you’ve _. . UW hardware desfgn engineer Mark Till-Then takes experle\ ier wanted a third arm, this is W hat you’re looking for.” He rem mental prosthetic penfs for a test jpin.

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Imprint, Friday,

December1, 1989

MISPRINT

on the move

(Lube vvrestIing)UW by Louella P. Misprint staff

by Huck Finn Misprint staff

The University of Waterloo is going on the road with the first ever post-secondary education Canadian tour. The Board of Governors has decided to make the university the first ever mobile post-secondary institution. Beginning in 1991, the UW campus will travel across Canada; making four month stop-overs in the villages, towns and cities which constitute this great nation, Cities and dates for the tour have yet to be finalized, but inthat side sources confirm Moosenee, Ont., Flin Flon, Man., and Bella Coola, B.C., are not likely to be visited until well into the next century. The board’s decision to take the university on the road was made as a result of\pressure from the city regarding the problem it perceives to exist with student housing. Originally the city had presented a. proposal, to the board which would have seen the university “eliminate its use of students.” The proposal referred to UW students as “a non essential ingredient in the composition of the university, and a negative force on the resale value of WLU professor John McEnemy’s home.”

The 3500 packages of lubricant that were ordered but not used for this fall’s orientation packages are finally going to good use. The Federation of Students have challenged UW administrators and faculty to a lube-wrestling competition at Fed Hall on Friday, December 15. The main event will feature Fed Prez, the ‘*Masked Avenger,” going up against the University Prez, the “Dark Wodxzchkzkv’dz will then Destroyer, ” Fran “Wildwoman” attempt to slide out of the slimy grasp of Ernie “Leadhead”

“Mayhem” and Collins are looking forward to getting tn the ring! I

The campus will be”taped” for UW’s upcoming Canadian tour. photo

Under the city’s plan, the uniThis minor flaw was brought versity would have continued to . to the att’ention of the board by make the city internationally UW Dean of Students, Ernie known through the association “Lead head” Lucille, when he of its name, continued to employ suddenly realized that if the unia large percentage of Waterloo’s versity eliminated its use of stucitizens, and continued to pump dents he would be out of a cushy job. over $800 million annually into the community. It would, howThat is when individuals inever, have discontinued its re- volved with UW’s internationliance on students. ally renowned correspondence The city’s proposal was in the program came forward with the process of being accept by UW’s concept of incorporating the Board of Governors when it was whole campus on tape and takpointed out that without stu- ing it to different locations dents the university would -not across the country. be eligible for government The Board of Governors grants. whole-heartily endorsed the “Tour Proposal,” once it quelled some of sits members’ concern that co-op students returning from work-terms would be unable to find the campus. Inside sources say there are currently no plans to take the campus south of the boarder. But they say that is no reason to lose hope that maybe some day the UW campus will be found floating down the Mississippi. l

Students for life

ilLXXX fhr st Fed Hall . Tag team Tim and Tom.ColThe “Big” wrestling ring is the lins will use their slippery tactics to defeat the Arts faculty first of its kind at any Canadian campus pub. Mike ‘*Mayhem” entrants, English Chairman “Grendel” Slethboar and PhiloWolfe is the “Big Ring” organizer. He hopes this event will besophy Chairperson, Rawlph Georgiq. “This is a no-holds- 4 come a tradition at UW. “Of course next year wti won’t barred competition,” Tim Collins -was heard to have boasted. have lubricant to use so it will be “We know they are quivering in jello wrestling instead. To meet their boots.” , our budget we will save the lefPreDarations for the event of’ tover jello from the Village cathe t&m will take two weeks. feterias and use that instead.‘* Fran Woxzchkzktyvdz, Fed VP The Feds consider this event (Secret Affairs), explained that an effective way to reduce the it will take her, along with Dave friction that has developed beand Tim, that long to cut open tween themselves and the unithe 3500 packages and squeeze versity administration o-ler the their contknts isto the wre&ing recent Homecoming poster scanring which will cover most of the dal.

by Marc Bzysjstkowakyee Misprint staff ,The campus anti-abortion group Students for Life was rocked by scandal this week as two-thirds of its members quit to form a splinter group-calling itself Sttidents Forever. The new organization, made up primarily of professors, began after these former members of Students for Life discovered the true nature of the Students for Life organization. Said one dissident professor, apparently speaking for the new group: “We had no idea Students for Life was an anti-abortion -group. We honestly believed it to be a social club for people like us :- people who never want o grow up. You know, the last thing we want is to get involved in anything controversial. Since it said “Students” we thought we were pretty safe.” The controversy began when the original organization met to begin a letter-writing campaign aimed at opposing new federal abortion legislation. According to the professor, “this is when w’e began to get suspicious. Why were we writing to MPs? Most of us thought we’d just be getting together to sit around, drink,and talk about cars, cologne, stereo systbms, co-op jobs and careers we never had. What a surprise it was when we were told to write these letters; we didn’t come to the meeting to get blacklisted.” Students Forever members hope their new organization will blend quietly into the campus fabric so that they can meet and discuss what iS really important to them.

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Mary Maguire of Toronto sent us her good reason for going home (Cheap!) - and we sent her a voucher f&r a free return trip anywhere on our system. If you have a good reason - send it to us with your name, address and phone number. If we publish it - we’ll send you a voucher just like Mary’s. Mail to: Gray Coach Student Contest, 180 Dundas Street West, Toronto, Ontario M5G 128.

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by Wad AJley Misprint staff Misprint has obtained leaked documents showing that students at Wilbur Laurieh University received loans from the Federal Strip-Club Development Bank to finance panty raids. According to these documents, most of the money was spent on a feasibility study and training. The feasibility study was conducted to determine what proportion of Laurieh students wore underwear and whether or not there was enough of it to justify having a raid. ’ Once researchers determined that there was lots of underwear for the taking, raiders were given extensive training on how to recognize panties. A spokesperson for Student Panty Raiders Inc. who couldn’t remember his name claimed that the training was very effective. “It’s always frustrating when you send people out to get underwear and they come back with socks, scarves and tea towels,” he said, “We wanted to avoid that this year.”

So far there has been little reaction from Waterloo residents about the Pantygate scandal. Only local strip-club owners have made public statements and they are outraged that money intended for them ended up in the hands of university students.

Imprint, Friday, December 1, 1989

MISPRINT

Just the kind of feature we need!!

Bust vour ass for peace.

sister

iou should take full ad-

by (the future) Rhonda Nijhuis, Mrs. Jason Nijbuis, Rhonda Rithe-Nijhuis Misprint staff

of it. University

isn’t

Beauty isn’t just make-up, it’s nice clothes, posture, hair, accessories, and, last but not least, good bone structure. Forget about this inner-beauty line it’s just a polite way to say D-OG. All you can do is try your best, and forget about ever having a career in public relations.

ace to go to meet guys, ace to meet guys. If hout a rock on

‘11 never meet Lately Misprint has b cused of pandering to women and ignoring iss women on campus really read about. So finally, Mispri is publishing a feature by woman, for women, that wome will really want to read!! Don’t worry about guys read ing this article and discoverin our deep, dark secrets, gals. It’s proven fact that guys don’t wa to read about women stuff that’s why they get so ups when they come across it co cealed in the News section. You know, “Beauty Pageant Outrage” and so on.

YOU AND YOUR EDUCATION

ing your

faculty

is im-

THE TRUTH ABOUT MEN As you know, there are all kinds of men, The lowest form of life is the so-called “sensitve” man - you know, guys who go to pageant protests and coffeehouses just to get in some uppity feminist’s pants. Then there are these henpecked guys who give in to crazy, feminist demands just to avoid a confrontation. I envision my boyfriend as the

You want a career w ble hours and lots of Freelance accounting BEAUTY

(except for P.E.), an

This brings me to personal hygiene. Not a day goes by that I

I consider myself a woman, so I know you aren’t interested in

Maybe it’s too late for some of you, but departments you want

Get with it!

don’t walk through the Campus Centre, disgusted with the way that my sisters groom themselves, 1 see girls with hardly any, and sometimes no make-up on at all! Aren’t women proud to

any of that barefoot and pregnant junk. I mean, that’s what domestics are for. Don’t get me wrong though ‘I’m not a feminist either. Women are equal to men now, aren’t university

ideal type of man. Sure he’s a little chauvinistic, but he never expects anything from me so I never disappoint him. Plus I can always get what I want by slyly doing things behind his back. That’s right, I’m just like the fe-

a.maleleads in I Dream of Jeannie and Bewitched. It’s up to you to select your

ters doing it to themselves

‘all of us can be ns, but just because doesn’t mean you up! Take some pride earance and submit American ideal of

they? We wouldn’t be allowed to attend

TIPS

if we weren’t,

would we? Which brings me to education. Your education is very impor-

Honour’ UW’s*’ Student Drug’ Plan

man, just be wary of anyone who

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Imprint, Friday, December 1, 1989

MISPRINT

SPORTS

Losers in sports

Ben, Carl, Victor, and Dexter by Vie Traybor and Vinnie DeSousa Welcome to another edition of sportsline with your pals Vie and Vinnie.

I I

Vinnie: Ya know Vie, I was sittin’ on the shitter da other day and I was tinkin’. That Ben guy, he didn’t really take dem sterios or whatever ya call em’ to run faster. He was tinkin’ of com-

I Beti Johnson detests Cart Lewis to wln the Kentucky Derby. Ben was lab er denled his gold for taking human wlmp pills. photo by Biff LeCrisp

petin’ in the Kentucky Derby, ya know “The Run for the Jack Da-

niels”. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ho! Ho! Ho! Vie: What in Jesus name are you talkin’ about, ya scrog. I think yav bin spendin’ too much time down at the Union Hall. Vinnie: No, J’rn serious! His race name is Sunday Silence or somethin’ like that and that dude Carl is runnin’ again’st Ben under the name Easy Goer. Vie: I don’t wanna waste my time talking about those pharmacies on running shoes. What’s really important iz payin’ our respects to another famous Vie in the sports world, Victor Mavis, Vinnie: Ya mean Vie The Dick? Vie: Yeah. Dat’s it. Vinnie: Well urn, me bein’ an important sports jernalist and all, I got two front row seats to his funeral, I brought my beloved Mabel with me. She was kinda pissed off cause we had to cancel bowlin’ night. Vie: So how was it? Lots of swanky hags there or what. Vinnie: Aw, you’re too old for them babes. Your pacemaker would end up racin’ like my ‘73 Dodge Dart idles. But yeah, the

chow at the reception wasn’t too

bad either. Vie: Did ya get to talk to any of the Mavis clan? Vinnie: Yeah. His mom was really shaken up by it. She said she’s lost about fifty pounds in the past week. Vie: Well, enuff about. him. Gettin’ back to the drug scene what do ya tink of dat football dude qn the Washington Redskins dat gbt caught with the devil’s dandruff for a third time! What’s his name again? Vinnie: Dexter Snownose I think? Vie: When that guy flies down the field, he flies! Ho! Ho! Vinnie: I’ll be Jesus. This is the third time that he’s been caught? He’s got less brains than my shippin’ foreman at work. Vie: But weren’t YOU caught 37 times for drinkin’ and drivin’ convictions? Vinnie: Yeah but dat wasn’t my fault. I bought the truck off my brother Norm. How was I supposed to know he’d installed a wet bar in the cab. Next time I see him I think I’ll kick his

pimply little ass! Vie: Well there my little wop friend. It seems we’re gettin’ off topic and we’re outta time anyway. So tune in next week at the same time, after the tractor pullin’ show live from Metropolitan Cayuga, when we will be discussin’ the rumours that Don Cherri is a bloody Ponce.

Compiled by Dick and Claudette Irvin

1. I think that the team that scores the most points is going to win this one. 2. If you wanna score goals, you’ve got to shoot the puck at the net. 3. Oh! He just got that slapshot right in the face. That’s gotta hurt!

4, These guys really came here to Play * 5, Well Brent, I think that he will either make this free throw or miss it. B.‘Boy, that baseball really picks up speed when it hits the Astroturf, 7. These baseball players will be too emotionally shaken by the earthquake to finish this W.orld Series. 8. Proceeds from toda’y’s game will be going to charities for the homeless because they have nowhere to live. 9. How many times do I have to say this? . ’ 10, Anything ‘Howie Meeker says or Harry Neal babbles about. Honourable Mention: Howie Meeker “You gbtta keep that hunk of lumber on the ice!”

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Imprint, Friday, December 1, 1989

MISPRINT SPORTS

Tagiabue for Tuffy

NFL trades by “Iron Balls” McClanaghan Misprint atsff

commissioner. He has also been awarded an honorary berth in the league’s Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio, despite never having played for, coached with, or been associated with an NFL franchise.

Yes, it’s true! Tuffy’s bound for NYC!! In a surprise qove, the National Football League’s Head Office has announced that Dave “Tuffy” Knight, coach of the Warrior football team, has been named as successor to the resigning Paul Tagliabue as league

season, culminating’ with Knight’s being named CIAU Football Coach of the Year’. At the meeting, it was reported, the NFL owners, old and new guscd alike, were unanimous -4, ttieir praise of Knight and theiz endorsement of his appoitiplent. “I’m more than happy for him,“. commented Tagliabue as he gladly stepped aside to make way for the pudgy coach.:‘1 can’t think of anyone, not even myself, who is more qualified for this po; sition. Now teams have someone they ‘can go to should they be cursed with a as-game losing streak.”

This announcement followed a secret emergency meeting to discuss the Warriors’ Cinderella 4-3

Puslinch to get next sports dome .

by Vie Traybot Misprint staff The giant metropolis of PusOntario (pop. 15,000 ineluding livestock) will be the next dom vote nigh

linch,

Tuffy himself was less enthused about the job. “When you’ve coached as long as I have, you learn to take good news like this with a grain of salt. Now I’ll have to negotiate with 28 crybabies (the NFL owners) to get anyt hiing done.” Knight also indicated that he would lobby strongly for Kitchener-*Waterloo to be the next NFL expansion city, so long as the planned Puslinch FarmDome becomes a reality (see related story). UW Director of Athletics Wally Delahey could not be reached for comment, but rum-

ours from his office say that prodigal-coach Bob McKillop may return “if we’re really desperate.” Critics of the move, such as Warrior basketball coach Don McCrae, cry that this is the latest example of Canada’s so-called brain drain to the U.S. “You don’t see me calling up (NBA Commissioner) David Stern for a job, do you?!” McCrae barked. Sources within the athletic department quipped that that McCrae is just resentful of the million-dollar-a-year salary Knight inherits as commissioner,

pansion into the NBL, NFL, and NBA, with franchise names of Puslinch Parakeets, Puslinch Pigeons, and Puslich Penguins respectively. ’ When the idea 6’f a dome was rth before ‘*council six ago, a contest comto “Name The Dome.” ning name, also the most

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Imprint,

Friday,

December 1, 1989

-MISPRINT

FEATURE

-A brief history of the world The following

is a brief history of the

world us excerpted from student essays by history teacher Richard Lederer. Jn Misprint’s never-ending quest for knowledge and enlightenment, we bring you this feature summary, following in the tradition of the Meech Pond and abortion recap diatribes.

The inhabitants of Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the Pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular cube. The Pyramids are a range af mountains between France and Spain,

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their child‘ren, Cain, asked “Am I my brother’s son?” God asked Abraham to sacrifice Issac on Mount Montezuma. Jacob, son of Issac, stole his brother’s birthmark. Jacob was a partiarch who brought up his twelve sons to be partiarchs, but they did not take to it. One of Jacob’s sons, Joseph, gave refuse to the Israelites, Pharaoh forced the Hebrew slaves to make bread without straw. Moses led them to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 500 wives and 500 porcupines.

going to be made king. Nero was a cruel tyrany who would torture his poor subjects by playing the fiddle to them. Then came the Middle Ages. King Alfred conquered the Dames, King Arthur lived in the Age of Shivery, King Harlod mustarded his troops before the Battle of Hastings, Joan of Arc was cannonized by George Berna@ Shaw, and the victims of the Black Death grew boobs on their necks. Finally, the Magna Carta provided that no free man should be hanged twice for the same offense. In midevil times most of the people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the time was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verse and also wrote literature. Another tale tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son’s head. The Renaissance was an age in which more individuals felt the value of their human being. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horriLLlldeath, being excommunicated by a l

It was the painter Donatello’s interest in the female nude that made him the

“Solomon had 500 wives and 500 porcupines”

William Tell shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his s&s head peare was Miquel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hate. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained. During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, . the Pinta, and the Santa Fe. Later the Pilgrims crossed the Ocean, and this was called the Pilgrim’s Progress. When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by Indians, who came down the hill rolling their war hoops before them. The Indian squabs carried porpoises on their back. Many of the Indian heroes were killed, along with their cabooses, which proved very fatal to them.

Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this. One of the causes of the Revolutionary Wars was the English put tacks in their tea, Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. During the War, Red Coats and Paul Revere was throwing balls over stone walls, The dogs were barking and the peacocks crowing. Finally, the colonists won the War an no longer had to 9 pay for taxis: Delegates from the original thirteen states formtid the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin had gone to Boston carrying all his clothes in his pocket and a loaf of bread under each arm. He invented electricity by rubbing cats backwards and declared “a horse divided against itself cannot stand,” Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

Lincoln’s mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Without the Greeks, we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks invented three kinds of columns - Corinthian, Doric and Ironic. They also had myths. A myth is a female moth, One myth says that the mother of Achilles dipped him in the River Stynx until he became intol.erable, Achilles appears in The IIliad, by Homer. Homer also wrote the Oddity, in which Penelope was the last hardship that Ulysses endured on his journey. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java. The reward to the victor was a coral wreath. The government of Athens was democratic because the people took the law into their qwn hands, There were no wari in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn’t climb over to see what their neighbors were doing. When they fought the Parisians, the Greeks were outnumbered because the Persians had more men, Eventually, the Ramons conquered the Geeks. History call people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long. At Roman banquets, the guests wore garlic in their hair. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of Mash killed him because they thought

he was

father of the Renaissance. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented the Bible. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a loo-foot clipper. The government of England was a limited mockery. Henry VIII found walking difficult because he had an abbess on his knee. Queen Elizabeth was the “Virgin Queen.” As a queen she was a success. When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted “hurrah.” Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.

When Queen Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted “hurrah!” The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. Shakespeare never made much money and is famous oniy because of his plays. He lived in Windsor with his merry wives, writing tragedies, comedies and errors. In one of Shakespeare’s famous plays, Hamlet rations out his situation by relieving himself in a long soliloquy. In another, Lady Macbeth tries to convince Macbeth to kill the King by attacking his manhood, Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Writing at the same time as Shakes-

George Washington married Matha Curtis and in due time became the Father of Our Country. Then the Constitution of the United,States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. ‘Under the Constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms. Abraham Lincoln became America’s greatest Precedent. Lincoln’s mother died in infancy, and he was born’@ a log cabin which he built with his own hands, When Lincoln was President, he wore only a tall silk hat. He said, “In onion there is strength.” Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope. He also signed the Emasculation Proclamation, and the Fourteenth Amendment gave the ex-Negroes citizenship. But the Clue Clux Clan would torchcr and lynch the ex-Negroes and other innocent victims. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of. the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth; a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth’s career. Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltare invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy. Gravity was invented-by Issaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the Autumn, when the apples are falling off the trees.

Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel. Handel

was half German, half Italian and half -English. He was very large. Bach died from 1750 to the present, Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this. France was in a very serious state. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened. The Marseillaise was the theme song of the French Revolution, and it catapulted into Napoleon. During the Napoleonic Wars, the crowned heads of Europe were trembling in their shoes. Then the Spanish gorillas came down from the hills and nipped at Napoleon’s flanks, Napoleon became ill with bladder problems and was very tense and unrestrained. He wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn’t bear him any children, The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. Her reclining years and-firially the end of her life were exemplatory of a great personality. Her death was the final event which ended her reign. The nineteenth century was a time of many great inventions and thoughts. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick Raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Samuel Morse -invented a code for telepathy. Louis Pastuer discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radium. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers. The First W&Id War, cause by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by a surf, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history. But now I have run out- of time so history must end. drawings by Michael Clifton

Peace. for El Salvador? by Eaclby Ho Imprint staff Last Saturday, November 25, approximately 30 people stood at the corner of King and William Street, Waterloo, waiting patiently to begin their trek down to Speaker‘s Corners in Kitchener. Though the group of children and adults were few, they stood strong in their common cause - their hope for peace in El Salvador. At precisely 11~15 a.m., the “March for Peace in El Salvador“ began. The pace was slow and steady, the emphasis on public awareness rather than speed. The response, in turn, was mixed. Sometimes, people jeered. Other times, people just stared. But most of the time, people saluted in support, Even passing cars honked their support, At first, Marco Antonio Pekez, the organizer of the march, was disappointed that so few people showed up. The Saturday previous, almost a hundred people participated in a march. Less than half were present this time,

“We Want Peace” “El pueblo unido jamas sera vencido” ~ But as the march progressed,, the supporters grew in number. Every time the march halted, it took longer for all the people to catch up. Spirits picked up as members began chanting “We Want Peace!“ over and over again. Voices were raised in unison from one end of the march to the other, cheering “El Pueblo unido jamas sera vbncido!” - “The people united will never be defeated!“ Ever increasingly, the marchers grew in number, Here and there, people stopped to

watch and some decided to join in the march. Even mothers with their strollers participated. Bjr this time, as many as 80 marchers were present. Finally, the march ended at Speaker‘s Corners in Kitchetier. There, Perez spoke briefly of the violence in El Salvador. He stressed the need for public awareness and international intervention to promote cease-fire between the El Salvador‘s army and the Farabundo Marti National Liberation Front (FMLNJ.

“The people united will never be defeated.” He also asked for public pressure to stop U.S. government aid to El Salvador’s armed forces. Perez and the congregation then marched to Kitchener MP John Reimer’s office. Posting up signs that the marchers had carried with them, one member began an update on the situation in El Salvador. On November 20, 1989, Dominican priest Father Miguel Andueza was captured in Santa Ana by the military and is still being held for questiotiing. Two prominent Salvadoran religious leaders also claimed that the Salvadoran Air Force is now dropping white phosphorus bombs on the civilian population. Meanwhile, the protestor said, the systematic crackdown on opposition members continues all over the country. The civil war is now a decade old and has done much to devastate El Salvador and its people. The political executions and skirmishes of the present serve only to further aggravate the situation. As the violence mounts, the people‘s hope for peace ebbs away, leaving only despair, he said.

Even mothers with strollersand Salvador.

gram

school students joined the march for peace in El photo

Co-ops geng

cocky

IOO many.mtervieWs by Leslie Pdrrault Imprint staff Co-op students at UW missed 515 interviews this term during the 23 day interview period said Olaf Naese, who works with the department of cooperative education and career services (CECS). Out of over 10,000 interviews, this may not seem like very many, but some employers may have had. -qu-+erou~_~t~l~n~~ . “l.h

skip their interviews. In one case, an employer travelled to Waterloo and ohly three out of

for interviews.

According to CECS’s Dave Thomas, employers cancelled over 600 interviews this term.

UW used to have a monopoly on the co-op student market. But, for the year 1988-89, there were 27 institutions in Ontario with co-op programs. Employers may switch to other schools if they are not imDressed bv Waterloo, Thomas sa’id. ”

He says some of these cancellations may be due to employers’ dissatisfaction with the number of students who fail to show UP

Students who miss interviews also harm other students, as they take up valuable interview time

seven

scheduled

students

showed up for the company’s interviews,

by Neil Barnett

missed

slots and eliminate other students’ chances. Some of the students who missed interviews are still not placed for the winter term. Students may miss seeing their names on the crowded Needles Hall bullet@ boards, or they may miss interviews because of illness, Thomas said, This term, however, there were more jobs than students. CECS fears that students are deliberately missing their least favourite interviews to end up with more

desirable jobs. If another recession like 1982’s strikes, there may be fewer jobs than students. At this time, employ

era

may

rzzmember

&at

Wa-

terloo students have a poor interview attendance record. UW administration is still unclear on how to deal avoid missed interviews. The number as a percentage of total interviews has been increasing, Thomas said. He feels something will have to be done soon before UW co-op suffers for it.

NEWS

Imprint, Friday, December 1, 1989

Transcendental by JeHWY

Imprint staff

The Transcendental Meditation movement was back an campus last Tuesday and Thursday to give free lectures on their meditation program. While lectures discussing possible benefits of TM are free, one must enrol in a $155 course to learn how to actually do it, said an attending student. Posters for the free lectures promise benefits ranging from increased creativity and intelligence to better grades and relationships. TM is currently seeking club status from the Federation of Students, but has run into some resistance. Complaints against a possible TM club have been

Meditation

lodged by students at both the Imprint office and the Board of Internal Liaison, the branch of the Feds which deals with clubs, In accordahce to the Fed club policy, any group with club status can apply for Fed funding and use of the university’s name and facilities. The Board of Interntil Liaison is concerned about the high course fee required to join TM. Fed policy dictates that lack of funds on a student’s part should not interfere in joining a campus club. Board members have also questioned affiliations that a UW TM club wouldhave to the global TM corporation, run by its founder, the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. They have asked for more information regarding this matter.

heats up

controversy

When asked about legal cases The Feds also expressed con- , involving TM in the U.S. and tern over court cases involving West Germany, Watson refused TM in the United States and to comment. West Germany. When contacted In the past, the Feds have disfor comment, local TM teacher allowed businesses to operate as Blain Watson, was hesitant to clubs on campus, said a member talk with Imprint and said he felt of the Board of Internal Liaison. concerns reported in previous When questioned on the finances Imprint articles were “a comof the group, Calvin Danyluk plete fabrication.” said TM is a non-pro fit organizaThe. articles Watson referred tion. The course fees go to a nato used information obtained tional headquarters, where they from interviews with Calvin Dasend some back to the TM in.nyluk, another TM teacher, structors, “but not much to live -down from the University of To” says Danyluk, “I haven’t ronto to help in the formation of YZl to pay taxes for fifteen a Waterloo group, and Terry Wilyears.” kins, a former TM teacher. Other Some of the fee money stays to references were drawn from a finance the operation of the naU.S. court ruling in 1977 and an tional headquarters, and the rest article that appeared in the Tois sent to India where the interronto Star in 19fll. national TM headquarters is lo-

cated. This centre then uses the . funds to further TM on a global scale, Danyluk said. Tax. receipts are issued for the course fee. He alsdsaid that if anyone was dissatisfied with the technique his course fee would be refunded, but didn’t think that was an issue, as he said, in his experience, no one has ever wanted one. Public Issues Board chairperson Stephen .Lee said that he knows of two m students who have met with “some resistance when trying to obtain these re‘funds from the group. Danyluk explained that TM teachers have little cash on them and must wait for money from the national headquarters.

Readers’ Survey: prizes, Thanks to the 137 people that filled out I&print readers’ From that group, we have 51 lucky winners! To claim your prize, please come to the hpprint office, Cam,pus Centre 140, Monday, December 4 until Friday, December surveys.

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And our winners are: One extra large pizza from Gino’s Pizza - Jane Snyder [Arts) Dinner for two at Grand China Restaurant - Laura .Silver ._ (Arts) .: Your choice of one of 36 records, eight tapes, three $10 gift certificates from Words Woith Books, or four paperbacks [two per prize winner). These prizes are done on a first-come+ first-serve basis. Rick MacTavish [Math) Professor David Wong (Engineering) T. Lee (Math) Kevin O’Grady (Arts) Dan Henne (Science) Sheila Boudreau (U. of Guelph) Steve Smith [Math) Jerry Schrauwen (Grad Science) Alex Kwain [Engineering) Jason Booth [Science] Sandra Schulz [Arts) Jane Morrison (Arts) Susan Jackson (Env. Studies) Sheila Sherk (HKLS) Harry Blundeil (Science) Jonathan Holms [Arts]

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La&y McKay [Grad ES.) Gina Bethel1 [Arts] Alf Wilson (Science) *Terry Berg [Arts) Dave Krues [ES] Paulina Chiti (C&id Math) Anita DeRubeis (ES] Nat alie Das (HKLS) Tim Jackson (Arts) John Bilaway A.E. Redekop (ES] Shawn Hadgins (ES) Alistair Boher (Engineering) Bruce Luneburg (Science) Leanne W&i ;I,ES),,, ,Sandra Di l%om&te [HKLS) ’

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NEWS

Imprint, Friday, December 1, 1989

Who is responsible! by Leslie Perrault Imprint staff

Ernie Regehr, from Project Ploughshares, a group which originated at Conrad Frebel College, said that we are in the midst of enormaus changes. However+ there are some constant elements such as “imperialism” which he defined as the “denial of self-determination.” He insists that we concentrate on a common security in which the whale world stops things like environmental degradation. Regehr believes that countries currently see themselves as living in a hostile world environment in which it is necessary to build an expensive military shield. This insular attitude can-

not stop pollution in India from harming people in the arctic. He says a global focus is necessary. Regeher stated that more nuclear weapons exist now thati ever before, $1.3 trillion dollars is spent on arms yearly which equals the total world debt. He added that we must attack the moral defence for nuclear weapons. They are not necessary to deter attack; this view is not reasonable. Regehr quoted a Soviet who said that the USSR could eliminate 95 per cent of its arms and not harm its security: it would still have all the weapons necessary to do sufficient damage to

With recent growing concerns about our environment, citizens have been helping search for solutions to this world problem. They have been concentrating on the damage caused by commercial and residential activities. But how many people realize that the military is responsible for considerable environmental damage, asked a rkcent environmental panel. Above-ground nuclear tests release beta particles which react with nitrogen and oxygen, forming nitrates which and causing acid rain, said Dr. Rosalie Bertell, Monday, during the final panel session of the Environment and Sustainability Symposium. Bertell, president of the International Institute of Concefn for Public Health, added that this information is not publicized.. Some of the harmful pesticides we hear about today were developed to destroy the jungle, kill animals, and reduce the food supply of the American enemy in Vietnam. But Bettell says this too is not publicized. Bertell added that bombs have been purposely released in the upper atmosphere. They cause an artificial aurora borealis which results in havoc for the caribou and Inuit people. Talking about environmental devastation If people think Canada is ex- tell, Ernie Regher and Dr, Edward Crlspln.are Dr. Roaslie Berempt from such damaging testphoto by Leslie Perrault ing, the doctor contined, theyare .wrong. For example, there are stations in Churchill, Manitoba that cooperate with NASA. Their activities do not go thraugh environmental impact studies, Bertell emphasized. Bertell believes we have spawned a type of addiction to this secretive high-tech defense, and we as citizens have acquiesced. The tax dollars go to this addiction, and not to other programs like health care. Anther action Bertell mentioned was the handling of plutonium at naval bases. The U.S. The success of our business is based Navy said accidents would be cleaned up by professionals on innovative thinking and bold within 24 hours. new ideas. Bertell noted that some plutonium spills are still being That’s why we provide an environcleaned up 20 years later. She ment that fosters individual skill and also said deliberate attempts were made to put holes in the creativity. ionosphere, just above the ozone layer, because the layer interAnd because we’re IBM Canada Ltd., fered with submarine communiwe can provide the resources cation. Bertall hopes people will start td enable our people to think freely, to challenge the military’s activito pumue their goals and break ties. In Labrador, independent scientists are going to present new ground. the dangers of low-level flying. Here’s what some recent graduates Hopefully, she says, the military will ala0 listen, have been doing at IBM: Although this information cari be terribly depressing, we have l +Heather Hill, University of to overcome depial, said Bertell. .’ Waterloo, Gas involved with database A person cantit just say “you depress me, bug off.” You must developmetit and all reporting aspects say “this planet is beautiful, it’s.’ of system accounting, viiice and data worth saving.” The second speaker, Dr. Edcommunications. . ward Crispin, is a member of the l Dan Shire, Queen’s University, Canadian Physicians for the Prevention of Nuclear War. The group has 4,000 members in Canada: ten per cent of the Canadian medical population. Last month 6,000 physicians gathered at Hiroshima for the annual International Physicians

an enemy. Ralph Torrie, a UW graduate, is the founder of Friends of the Earth. He said that the nuclear threat “saps the will to dream” in our youth. He believes we need positive vision to alter our current situation.

Canada, only 22 per cent of our

forests are replanted after they are cut down. He added that, per capita, Africa’s already low income went down 12 per cent from 1970 to 1985.

Although there is foreign aid, During the two hour panel dis- the balance of payments still cussion, over 250 billion dollars shows that there is more money was added to military spending, flowing from the “south to the said Torrie. In the same time, north,” 4,000 children died as a result of poverty. ’ Tarrie hopes that people will Tarrie also mentioned envir- lead their government to change, onmental concerns. An area the if today’s “remarkable consize of England is cut from the scious-raising” atmosphere in tropical rainforest annually. In the grass roots today continues.

Courteous

C&at minds dOri’t think alike.

for the Prevention of Nuclear War conference. In 1985, the IPPNW won the Nobel Peace Prize. They prescribe total elimination of nuclear arms.and education about the effects and the futility of nuclear war. Crispin joined the CPPNW in 1981 after he learned that there were 5,0,000 warheads in the world.

developed an expert system to assist in the configuration of system control units for customers. l Sylvie Allard, Ecole Polytechnique de Montreal, was responsible for designing quality control processes to ensure new product reliability. l Michael Rodger, University of Western Ontario, installed a system to address the business needs of a large communications company. l Brett MacIntyre, University of Manitoba, was involved in implementing SQIJDS 2-2 and also worked as a follow-up with the author of a book on SoL/DS. When you’re thi&ing about your career options, think of IBM. It’s the thought that counts. l

NEWS

Imprint, Friday, December 1, 1989

Helping out at X-rnas by Yetta Veerman Imprint staff How much do you spend for Christmas? This is the shop til you drop time of year, when we dig deep into our pockets, flip out VISA and worry about payments later, No one wants to be cheap at Christmas. What if there is no one who cares about you? Believe it or not, some teens right here in K-W find themselves in this situation. The Student Christian Movement [SCM1 asks us to reflect

upon the money we will spend this Christmas. Then, SCM sends out this challenge: can each of us donate 10 per cent of our Christmas spending to ROOF? ROOF, Reaching Out to our Outdoor Friends, is a drop-in centre for street kids. Programs are offered each night to youths to provide them with life and communication skills. An evening meal is provided for those who need it. SCM chose to sponsor ROOF it ic

that not only strives to integrate teens back into the community, but also helps build community spirit. SCM is an international orby Chris Frey ganization with a local chapter Imprint staff at UW. They seek to respond to environmental and social irijus- . Queen’s tices through study, action and fellowship. Women end 29 hour sit-in Pamphlets concerning the Seventeen women of the original 30 who conducted a sit-in in chalienge are placed all throughprincipal’s David Smith’s office over the issue of sexual assault, out the campus and donations have emerged after 29 hours. The women Left because they felt may be dropped off at the Turnthey had succeeded in bringing the issue of sexual assault to the key desk, forefront of Queen’s attention, They have not staged any other demonstrations since that time, although they lodged a formal complaint with the Alma Mater Society Judicial committee, Over the weekend, some of the women received harassing phone calls and one was confronted on the street while walking home alone, University of Alberta Get-well card FINALLY finds a home! Student Union executives who realized they were unwelcome at Premier Don Getty’s office have decided to give the get-well card they made for the environment to the Environment Minister, Ralph Klein. The card was signed by nearly 10,000 students and was originally supposed to go to’ the premier but he refused to accept it. A march that was supposed to go to the legislature with the card, did not take place. Getty will be meeting with S.U. executives early next year so they can discuss out concerns about the environment. Klein has accepted the card and considers it to be another sign of increasing public concern about the environment,

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Imprint, Friday, December 1, t 989

NEWS

Another

Buy

bY I*HWPY

books-now

Four out of fi:ve Canadians oppose taxation of books, and nearly seven out of ten ‘are against taxing magazines, according to the Don’t Tax Reading Coalition, which argues that reading materials should be excluded from the proposed Goods and Services Tax. The coalition recently released results of an opinion poll of 2,000 Canadians carried out in fuly by Environics Research Group Limited. A population sampling of this size is accurate within 2.2 percentage points 19 times out of 20. Eighty-three percent of those polled disagreqd with the taxation of books, and sixty-six percent disagreed with the taxation of magazines. Under the Goods and Services Tax, as proposed by Finance Minister Wilson, consumers would pay a nine per cent tax on the retail price of books, magazines and newspapers. For the publishing and bookselling industries and their customers the tax represents a 100 per cent increase - newspapers, magazines and books have been free of federal sales tax since Confederation. Stephen Lewis, the coalition’s patron, said, in commenting on the poll, “It is evident that Canadians place an intrinsically high value on the importance of reading, and do not believe this is an appropriate area for new taxation . . . . Canadians are obviously concerned about literacy and productivity and view reading skills as essential social assets.” Lewis’s comment is reinforced by the fact the Environics poll reveals that 59 per cent of Canadians believe that this counfry’s productivity will decline if there .is a reduction in reading. The Don’t Tax Reading Coalition has maintained that sales of Canadian newspapers, books . and magazines would be adversely affected by the proposed new tax. In addition, the coalition predicts that libraries their budgets already stretched to the limit - could not provide the increased level of service which would be demanded of them as consumer purchases at bookstores and newsstands decline, Opposition to the imposition of the GST on ,books and magazines on the grounds that taxation of reading materials reduces 7 public access to information and education. As well, experts in the book and magazine publishing and marketing fields predict - . that the 100 per cent increase In taxation tiould reduce sales and put many publishers and booksellers at risk. Furthermore, the coalition says taxation of reading matter is contrary to the Canadian government’s policy of encouraging a distinctive Canadian culture,

The Voice of Treason

.proposed tax?!

by the Don’t Tax Reading Coalition and Judy Holland8 (Imprint staff)

and

conflicts

with

its

commitment to promote literacy. Finally, the coalition strongly believes that tax-free reading is a matter of principle. Reading is a cornerstone of modern econo@es and democracies, The coalition has launched- a public campaign to build support for the tax-free status of newspapers, books and maga-

zines immediately. The, group appeared before the House of Commons Standing Committee of Finance to press its case. It argued that Canada should follow the example of such countries as Great Britain, Australia, Norway and Japan where publications are omitted from similar taxes. The Don’t Tax Reading Coalition is an umbrella group representing the Association of Canadian Publishers, Canadian Book Publishers’ Council, Canadian Booksellers Association, Canadian Library Association, Canadian..Periodical Publishers’ Association and the Periodical Marketers of Canada.

I am glad to see censorship alive and well on campus. And I thought I was the only gutterminded, scatologically-obsessive, nothing better to do than look for things to gripe aboutperson, I too was most most offended by the alleged 1“Homecoming” poster. Such a fiaso is an embarrassment to all UW affiliates. Besides, one of the great things about being Canadian is the right to ban anything that rubs us the wrong way a little. As you know, the poster in question is perverse and demeaning! S&h filth! I get sooo tired of men, especially male athletes depicted as . . . as . . . ..as GENITALS! REPRODUCTIVE INSTRUMENTS!! EXTERNAL SEX ORGANS!!! What’s wrong with our voyeuristic Feds? It’s bad enough that blatant sexuality clutters our TV stations, but using it to promote a campus event as important as Homecoming - come on, Feds. Keep your fetishes to yourself. Next time have the decently to not be sooo obvious! I’m sure everyone who has taken the supposed “Homecuming” poster, rubbed it with lemon

juice, held it backwards on a 35 degree angle to its vertical axis under a running tap and backlit it with a red 125 watt disco bulb knows what I’m talking about - blatant phallucy. That’s right, if manipulated the right way the male and female figures form a penis and scrotum set. Once again we are witness to the male figure as the +, . the., . penis.. . the magic wand.. . the dilating dildo! Why is the women always portrayed as the fertility symbol? In this poster, the female athlete takes the shape of the scrotum, a the sperm bank . , the heart of Havannab while the penis in cognito as a basketball player personifies the stik de joie. Men are important in the birthing process too! Despite blatant sexism, I’ve heard it through the grapevine that the poster was really banned because, if read backwards, it said “Paul is dead.” I just wanted to remrnd all you people dying to be offended that you have the right to ban any offensive Christmas cards that arrive in your mailbox this holiday season. I hear that Hallmark is working on a line that if blown up to three times its size, reverse processed and read under watkr during a full moon obviously discloses Prancer’s antlers as Hanukkah candles.

. DECISIONS. DECISIONS.

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Imprint, Friday, December 1, 1989

Entering the final decade As we stand poised, ready to enter into the last decade of the twentieth century, it is with great trepidation that we step back and take some account of where we, as a global species are going and what ramifications our actions are having, and will have on our ecologically fragile planet. Increasingly, the globe is being divided up into two distinct camps. The minority, ivith the power to control, maintain and consume vast quantities of the earth’s resources; and the majority, who cannot. Notes Peter Worsley in The Three Worlds; “underdevelopment, today, is not a natural condition, but an unnatural one, a social state which is the product of history; not a passive‘condition, but the consequence of conscious action; not something that just happened, governed by the logic of animpersonal system, but something that was done to people by other people”. This global division is perhaps best magnified at the most basic level of human subsistence - hunger. The world today produces enough grain to provide every human with 3600 calories per day. Add to this all the other food products produced, and one quickly realizes that it is quite possible for everyone on earth to be rather obese. Yet over 900 million people suffer constant hunger. While 40 per cent of this grain is directed toward livestock consumption, 18 to 20 million people die annually from hunger and hunger related diseases. Hunger and its related diseases are merely symptoms of a world economic order designed totally to facilitate the needs of the Western world, “Dependence, more than any other word, defines the typical Third World condition - the structural dependence of economies designed to serve the interests of another centre of economic power.” (Michael Manley] Currently, development in the mainstream is equated with material production through the imitation of Western industrial growth models. These models are being pursued while the fundamental obstacles to the crisis are being ignored (ie: the realities of the iaternational economic order, the domestic agricultural sector and domestic political legitimacy]. Third World debt now exceeds $U.S.l trillion. Weapons purchasing, capital intensive export-oriented urban development models, capital flight and corruption have cheated the majority from participating in any real economic growth. Now the World Bank and the International Monetary Fund demand extreme austerity programs (slashing education and health budgets) in order to pay back these debts. Emphasis is placed on cash crop production for the world market to create income. Domestic food production is further weakened. As production outputs increase from these nations, the international prices for these commodities decrease, creating an even further need for increased production just to maintain the economic status-quo. Rainforests are cleared to make way for agricultural production (80,000 sq. miles/year]. Overworked land soon turns to dust. The UN. Conference on Desertification has established that over 100 nations are now affected by desertification, which in turn is further marginalizing 100 million people. Michael Manley, the prime minister of Jamaica, articulates that the challenge to the Third World is not to imitate Western development models, but rather to evolve political processes that can first define widely shared objectives and then mobilize people to attain them. Chile, Argentina, Nicaragua, the Philippines, China and Eastern Europe are but a few examples of the masses finally demanding that their- voice be heard. - * Human nature, greed and uncharted lands have historically allowed humankind to move on every time needs outgrew the local environment’s ability to fulfill those felt needs. Western society has never had any real need to be environmentally conscious. Now there is no place left to move on to. Our world is a finite place. The technological and scientific advances made by humankind in this century have surpassed that of all previous centuries combined. Unfortunately, these advances pale beside humanity’s lust for material self-gratification and immense disrespect for the environment. Jonathan Scheli, writing in his acclaimed book The Fate of the Earth articulates: “nature, once a harsh and feared master, now lies in subjection, and needs protection against man’s powers .. . . yet because man remains embedded in nature, the threat that he poses to. the earth is a threat to him as well”. It seems that as we enter the last decade of this century, all of humanity’s inflicted abuses on the environment are reaching their climax. The ozone layer, increased hunger, melting ice caps, the extinction of plants and animals on a daily basis and the further removal of the citizen from the political process all point to ominous signs for the twenty-first century. Unfortunately, human progress remains identified with capitalism, which involves competition and rivalry; social status with the rapacious and limitless accumulation of wealth; greed and selfishness; the production of commodities explicitly for sale with profit as the motive force of nearly every economic and artistic endeavor, as well as the reason for the existence of social life. We, the students of today, will be the holders of power as the world enters the twenty-first century. The burden is with us to stop the impending global ecological disaster, Something to think about, as we enter the last decade of the 20th century, Sherwood

Hinze

What areTories up to now? I was going to write .apolitical science essay now, but the Conservatives latest romp of stupidity inspired me to write this instead, What’s new, you ask? The Brian Mulroney European Vacation, for one, available soon on videocassette. Smile, wink, laugh, shake on it. The recent money-lending to strip clubs is near the top of the list of utterly incomprehensible happenings - interesting to note that not too many years ago an MP resigned for being seen in one of those places. The poor sap in charge of the whole affair actually admitted that a mistake had been made by not leaving a blank for the type of business on the application form. Maybe that’s how eople get loans to study seaweei off of the Fiji Islands. The Misplaced Person who admitted his error obviously hasn’t learned from Mulroney, who would have said something like “we’re studying it and don’t feel the time is right to make a public statement yet” until a new problem flared up and the electorate forgot about the last one. Honest politicians never make it far, You watch. Our fearless leader is has been trekking all over Europe the past few weeks, cautiously accepting the fact that the Cold War is thawing out. Being one of the last countries to admit this, he aEjparently feels compelled to compensate with money. Every day on television, Canadians saw The Chin shaking hands and pledging uncountable millions to everyone. Knock, knock. Hello there, Brian. Where is this money coming from? You can almost hear the wind whistling through his head when he -walks. What? GST? Public doesn’t like it? Oh. Meech Lake? public

Merry Christmas to \ - 5 (r . all, and to all a good night! 4* lmlwint staff. ----a *

o-12,

doesn’t

understand

it?

Just as well. As Douglas Fischer recently noted in one of his columns just about the only thing worth reading’in The Sun - countries like the Soviet Union could use practical advice from Westerners on various aspects of their systems to make them more efficient. It’s just swell that the Wall is coming down and glas-

nost exists, but we have a little cash flow problem here in Canada. The Mulroney regime has consistently tried to solve this problem by squeezing money out of Canadians via taxes, de-indexing pensions, or cutting back on such silly things as education, Via rail, or unemployment insurance. If in nothing else, Mulroney is consistent in the area of hypocrisy and lying. I cannot believe you people re-elected him! How does it feel nowadays to watch rich newscasters tell you about the latest predicted affects of the GST, followed by a story of how many million he gave away correction: pledged to give away - in Europe? Like a solid right to the stomach area. The key thing is that he pledged to give away the money, and by now Canadians have a pretty good feel for his reiiability on keeping promises - about the same odds as Reagan getting re-elected in lgg2. The man in charge of the country is supposed to be accountable to public opinion, but he ignores us! “One track-mind” is a fitting description. He is abusing the power given to him by a portion of the electorate and doesn’t appear to care about it at all. He is rapidly becoming the most infamous leader Canada has had. Hi3ia;;rd is no long remotely . . Maybe after a day of sitting through inane debates in the House of Commons, the Misplaced Persons need to have a drink and see a little flesh. (Hello readers who are looking to have their sensibilities offended that was your cue - write a letter] Prediction: h&eech Lake will be signed by the June deadline, after

Mulroney

forces

David Thomson

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miers to stay in one room and have a marathon debating session until unanimous consent is reached. Good luck on exams, Merry Christmas, and so on. Spend your money wisely: The Chin will be watching and taxing it to pay for . . l

taBm-fp-ohaf ........ lmlr Macquean bdmmlt Mitoz ......... Pwtr Btau

Mark Brzustowski, Christine Burow, Mike Clifton, Peter Dedes, Carol Douqn, Chris Frey, Diane Grady, J. Hagey, Michele Hahn, Sherwood Hinze, John Hymers, Andrew Kinross, Irene Koops, lack Lefcourt, Damien Liu. Allen Mertick, Craig Netterfield, John Ryan, Mi:hael Salovaara, Jeff Smith, Mike Soro, Paul F. Truex, Mark Vanderkam, Al wadley, Kelly Weppler, Chris Williams, Chris Wodskou, John Zachariah.

gitimate

and the absurd

Crushirma the towers To the editi, When I picked up last week’s Imprint I was thrilled to see that people are finally standing up against some of the more important sources of discrimination against women. I am referring of course, to the banning of that sexist, demeaning Homecoming poster.

When I first saw a copy of that “placati of smut” posted on campus I couldn’t believe that

r----

anyone would have the audacity to hang such an atrocity in a public place. The people responsible were obviously attempting to deliberately defile and degrade women everywhere. Thank God we have on-theball people like Dean Kalbfeisch to keep these slanderous hooligans in line. I just hope all of the posters were burned before anyone was too offended. I also read that the City of To-

of male d6.mination

ronto has officially renamed “manholes” to “maintenance holes.” Hurray, one more tower of male domination crushed into the dirt. I must say, before this action, I would shudder at the thought that this blasphemous misnomer had gone so long unchecked. It made me ashamed to be male that those holes were unfairly tagged MANholes. Now I can sleep at night.

and to also remember him for what he was.. , a true patriot and a fierce competitor!!

they just kept walking, even gaining a bit. How can we allow such shameful practices to carry on right here on campus? I have even noticed discrimination against women built right into the architecture of our newest pride and joy, the Davis Centre. One will notice that most study carrels and tables in the EMS library are located on the south side of the upper floor washrooms. The ladies rooms, however, are located on the north side. This means that every single female who wants to use the washroom must walk almost 20 feet further than any male wishing to do the same! I say we torch the place and help rid the world of this festering plague of sexism. I am so glad to see cotiscientious people like Dean Kalbfleisch pioneering the movement to deal with such issues. In the meantime, I recommend that nobody, especially men, do anything at all. That way nobody will be offended. Seriously, I have nothing against people getting their back up about legitimate issues, but let’s draw the line somewhere this side of the absurd.

Ken ‘Ens 2A Computer Science

James Burbidge 3B Chem Eng

This new-found awareness for the sensitivities of those co& cerned with sexual equality his prompted me to bring to light some glaring examples of discrimination against women which surround us every day, and must be destroyed. The other day, I saw some males walking ahead of some females. At no time did these heathens ask if the women wanted to walk beside or ahead of them,

’

Victor .Davis: gone but npt forgotten

lishments as well as mourn his passing by making Canadians I must admit that I did not get aw?re of what we have lost. He the opportunity to read No- was not only an inspiration for vember 17’s issue of Imprint, so 1 athletes, but a fierce competitor will apologize in advance if my who set lofty goals for himself, and was not afraid to go out and protest is not justified. My com- achieve them. plaint is in regards to the lack of Cliff Barry, who worked with acknowledgement (in Imprint) Davis in Waterloo, as well as in of Victor Davis‘s tragic death. Guelph and Montreal, has joined As a fellow proud Canadian (I in an effort to open a pool in metoo have a similar tattoo on my mory of the Guelph native, situated in Waterloo (since there is upper right back) I feel that we already one in Guelph). My hat must celebrate Vict or‘s #accomp- is also off to Kevin Higgins (past

To the editor,

president of the Region of Waterloo Swim Club) for putting together a committee to establish a Victor Davis Memorial Fund. Victor Davis will without a doubt go down in history as the greatest breast-stroker our world has ever seen. However, his numerous Olympic medals do not even begin to describe the greatness of this young athlete, because they simply reprebent his prowess in the water and not himself as a human being. As well as being an outstanding individual, Victor Davis was also a

team player, giving his confidence and energy to his fellow teammates when they most .needed it. All I ask is that we as Canadians remember the joy and pride that Victor Davis brought to us in his lifetime

Travel ] Cuts myi

To the editor, -

Travel Cuts my ass! I don’t think they have the right call themselves student travel! I had a booking made through them to go away for the Christmas holisays, f& which they charged me an- arm and a leg.- Howiver, I thought this was fair considering where I was going and the time I was going at (high season]. But did I ever get pissed off when I was walking in Toronto on the weekend and saw an advertisement for the same desti-’ nation for far cheaper. I did& think this was the real fare so I went in to investigate. Sure enough, their complete fare for the exact same destination - for the exact same time neriod and on the same airlinis, was 30 per cent cheaper than our university-endowed Travel Cuts fare! So, before you head to Travel Cuts to buy your Christmas package, check the travel section of any Toronto newspaper because those fares advertised really aren’t a scam! Sean Brooks 2nd year Geogr8phy

Travel Qrt’s is a service of the Cunadicm Federution of Students. Currently, UW, as prospective CFS members, pay only five per cent of the regular CFS membership cost ($4 per student), -ed.

The holiday season of 1989 is upon us. Most of us are worrying about how to finish off the last few assignments before exams start and pay the rent before next terms 0SAP comes in. Although we are anxious for holidays to start, we may be dreading the demands of the Christmas break and the expectations family and friends have of us, Most of us are hoping we can forget the turmoil of the past school term and the troubles in the world by plunging into the “spirit” of the holidays, yet Christmas wishes of “Peace on Earth” may ring hollow as the daily news reminds us that our world is moving closer and closer to envirunmental disaster, We may try desperately to ignore these issues and have a good time by trying to buy happiness and good cheer. Encouraged by advertising, we have replaced many holiday traditions with buying the many things we know will not last as long a! the charges on our credit cards. Meanwhile, in countries throughout the world, people fear that the holidays they and their children will have are numbered. People throughout the world have taken to the streets to,express their outrage at military might being used as the basis of relationships within and among nations. And in Ea&Timr, a&El S&ador, huntids of thousands moredon’t have the securit$ of person that we take for granted. In many city streets, homeleks people do not have enough food to surviv& let-alone enough for a f&t&e meal for the holidiys. But we are so caught up in the illusion of the holidays as a time to splurge, we forget our social responsibilities and don’t really think of others. HOW DID THINGS GET SO BAD? Throughout the ages, people have set time apart to honour their spiritual beliefs. These days were marked by a break from the hu&le and bustle of life when people could experience dedication and confidence in our dignity as human beings. Time was spent with loved ones and gifts were exchanged as a

WHAT MUST WE DO NOW? L We could pledge to begin this holiday anew by refusing to squander our precious time and resources on hhg ping sprees* Instead we could spend that time in building our J .ationships in our homes and neighbourhoods. In this way we w&d renew our belief in the capacity of human beings to create a socially responsible attitude tmard their communities and one another. 2. When giving gifts, commit ourselves to seeking out educational items that are socially and environmental& responsible. Send a relevant magazine subscription such as Aitematives, I-forrowsmith, or This Magazine to friends, 3. Resolve to dedicate ourselves to struggling for peace on earth by joining others in creating a world free from the threat of oppression, environmental pollution, and exploit&on. At lioliday gatherings, spend some time discussing these issves and 2I!” ways that we could make a difference. 4. Distinguish between what are our wants and. ’ bat things we really need. Organize a day of fasting during the: % olidays, and donate the food money to a 10~61soup kitchen, or shelterFL Spend time decorating our homes with hand-mmadeitems, instead of using store-bought goods. If a live tree ia an important tradition that we dun? want to give up, we COU!~commit ourselves to re-pIanting ten trees next spring. .% t, 6. Spend time with young children and give &m gifts that promote co-operation and creatiuity: resolve not te buy war toys which encourage young children to become aggressive, and competitive. 7. Let us celebrate this holiday by resolving to tutin away from consumerism, militarism, and political apathy so that we can begin to enjoy a new sense of our dignity as humenbeings; so that we can live in a community whose values and traditions we will be happy to pass on to our children. For most of us these steps will require a break &th the past, however, those who respect us will recognize we a~ challenging ourselves and them to become more human by &ecoming less materialistic and more responsible for our own aciions, WPII3G is a student-funded and directed organization that profor

Songs were sung and cards written, expressing hopes for a better, more peaceful and just world. It is only in the last 50 years that the holidays have been turned into merchant days and people into mass consumers. Shopping malls have turned this once peaceful time into a frenzied, expen-

:WPIRG is loin room 123 of the General Services Cotiple~ [under the sm&estackJ and is open Monduy to Thursday 9:0&5:00 and Fri*a day by appointment only.

sive shopping

SALUTES ENGINEERS In our Excess Packaging ?eport card published in last week’s Imprint, we gave a B plus to the English C 6nd D. That was intended to read “Engineering . C and D.” WPlRG’s mistake sorry.

spree.

Yet underneath the gadgets, tinsel, and good cheer, there may be a nagging feeling th& something is missing in our lives. We now know that we can’t buy our happiness, nor can we create meaningful relationships by exchanging things,

WPIRG

Imprint, Fridey, Chcernbk

Intruding

F0RU.M

1, 1989 ~.

on estabhkhed Christianity

TM mo’re th.an a rned.itation techhicwe - -~ -m -- To the editor, In the November 17 issue of Imprint, the article “Cult Awareness” by J. Hagey discussed the

stand by the Federation of Students against the recognition of any clubs which practice any form of coercive techniques on their members, The proposed addition to. the Federation policy on clutts (section 3.4) addresses this issue directly and 1 am thankful for it and support its implementation. Such a policy will help restrict cults from operating as clubs on campus. It will also prevent Fed fees from supporting cults operating under the guise of “selfhelp clubs. Something concerns me, and this is directed in particular to the Imprint editor. On November 24, at the end of the article “TM utilized worldwide” the author claims to be the president of the LJW TM Club. He may be the president of this group, but because this group does not have

University of Waterloo Club stgtus, for it does not, he is not the president of the UW TM Club. I would like to encourage Terry Playford and other members of the Federation never to recognize cults seeking club status. Also, tb be effective in keeping their operations offcampus please be aware of their activities, lectures on campus and articles or letters in Imprint being written in their support. I was surprised after reading about the Fed’s stand on the TM group* to find just one week later that there were lectures being held on TM in the campus centre and that posters advertising the lectures were posted in the CC and distributed throughout campus. Can the Feds do something about this? To those, seeking an improved quality of life, TM may look attractive because it claims many benefits. Be aware that its founder is only a man, who has not made a personal sacrifice to itiprove your life.

Also, TM and its founder

the Christmas season, remember

Ma-

the Son of God, Jesus Christ, who gave the ultimate sacrifice. He gave his life for you, that you might have everlasting life.

harishi Mahesh Yogi have their roots in Eastern

religion,

which

means you are getting involved in more than just a “meditation technique,” but also a religion. Be aware. Especialli now approaching

(Gospel of John, Chapter 3, Verses l-211 Give yourself the perfect

I would like to compliment Janet Nelson and Steve Mouck on their well-written letter to the editor entitled “Status of Women” (appearing in last week’s Imprint). I am also tired of the senseless bitching on the part of certain women’s issue groups on campus and abroad. Judging from the reactions of friends and acquaintances. both male and female, 1 am not alone. Personally, I would like to see more effort focussed on issues such as campus security, sexual harassment, equal opportunity and other concerns which seem much more deserving of attention than those like the Homecoming 73$iposter. I appreciate the need to be conscious uf the sexist attitudes which are often exposed by women’s rights activists on campus, but within reason.

Frankly, women’s issues are

To the editor,

we have never seen anything like this. Is it some new foim of-warm-up? 1 don’t knowTo get to the point, the article says, “This was a team of highly enthusiastic, dedicated, and hard workitig girls , . . ,” so why don’t you portray them a enthu-

We .are writing in regards to your issue dated Friday, November 10. Although we think your sports section is usually good, you cover all the sports, the articles are good, and so forth, we are dismayed by this particular issie. The photo on the front cover of the paper is great as it presents athletes involved in the action of their game. Then we turn to page 23 and we see seven women, who have just won bronze medals at the CIAO cross-country championships, doing the can-can. We are both runners and I’m afraid

siastic,

Tenant’s corner

Pets

2. Why aren’t these two representatives of UW standing side

Question:: My building has a no pets rulei and the landlord says that I have to get rid of my dog, or she’ll kick me out. Is she right? necessarily* As with any landlord rule, if it isn’t Answer: N written into %l e lease, it is unenforceable. [Note that this can work

by side with pleasant expressions instead of blank stares? -

Post-dated

dedicated

and

Cheques

Question: My landlord wants post-dated cheques. Do I have to give them to him? Answer: No. According to the LTA, the landlord cannot insist on post-dated cheques, contrary-to the wishes of the tenant. However, it may be mutually convenient to supply them, and thereby remove a possible source of friction between you and your landlord.

Pleasant expressions? Give me a~ break! Basketball tends to be a fairly intense gime and “pleasant expressions” hardly reflects that intensity. Should they hold hands and smile lovingly at *!a#-hnthnw?

3. Why is the shadow of the female student’s head cast on the genital area of the maIe student? - that’s the way shadows work. I happen to Eke the lighting effeet. But of course you’re going to tell me about the subliminal sexual message that makes me like it. 4. What is the quotation “your passport to good times” supposed to mean? Think about it, but try to get a perspective this

time.

’

they deserve, and never get anywhere else, Would you take a picture of the men’s basetball team doing the same thing? We hope in the future you will concentrate on the athletes achievements. We will be watching , . .

hard

working, instead of just a bunch of legs? WGmen’ssports are constantly under-represented or misrepresented in the mainstream media. Reporters never focus on their athletic ability, only their appearance. Unibersiti newspa& ers are one place where women’s athietics can get the coverage

men’s issues too. I often receive the impression from women’s My favourite question: rights activists that 1 belong to To the editor, 5. Why does UW have such a some sort of base- minded, esI would like to refer you to the hard time treating females as the sentially bad-natured gender, November 17 letter to the editor equals of males? - This is a joke, Not fair! Why? Why? What? Why? If the women’s issues groups “Why? right? If anybody so much as What?” on campus wonder why their thought about discriminating After spending three years at numbers are dominated by the against a woman on this campus female gender, I offer the expla- the university of Waterloo, and they’d be tarred and feathered on a regular nation that the image projected reading Imprint before they got a chance to do it. by women’s issues groups on basis, I’ve prettv much had mv If anything it’s going the other .fill of contr&eriy over women’; campus is not especially inviting to men. To be honest, they seem ‘issues. But this latest crisis . WaY, to have a negative attitude to- takes the cake. Maybe, if females [or people in ward the “opposite sex.” general for that matter] spend . DO these people (I say people So, on a positive note, why because thev were really secredon’t we try to get both men and tive and only put initials down women to work together and and not their first names, so I’ll solve credible concerns regard- give them the benefit of the ing women’s rights and issues? doubt) spend their time looking And to those out there who feel for thin& to get upset about? that radical extremes are the There were a few questions in I only way to lend attention to the , cause - you’re doing more harm their article which -I’d like to ’ answer. than good. 1, Why is the male standing in a El. McCamus /t?y 6os/4~ f w5 ww rather seductive stance while 3BMech Eng d/ My Ci--N L,d$! 1 thefemale. squats beside him? because that’s the way it worked out. Do you think they consciously thought to themselves, “Let’s have the girl squatting in front of him in a submissive, sexual pose?”

to your disadvantage as well as to your advantage, debending on the circumstances). If the rule is in the lease, briaking it is not grounds for eviction unless doing so also contravenes a provision of the LTA. In this case, the landlord might argue that the\ og, by barking, is interfering with the reasonable enjoyment by other occupants of their living quarters, or having the dog breaks some health or safety regulation. If the landlord is successful, you would have seven days to get rid of the dog or face the threat of eviction, Note that the landlord may also sue you for breach of contract in this situation. More and more frequently, court orders are being issued compelling tenants to get rid of their pets.

Tony DeGazon 4th year Kinesiology

Check out those legs!

“Womefl’s issues are 1 men’s issues too”

To &e editor,

Christmas gift. Believe in Jesus and let Him help you, because He came to give you a more abundant life. (John l&10)

Lori Ewing and Sasha Nagy Simon Fraser University The photo in question was subf-rdted by the cross-country team members the request that it be pubfished article on their CjAU win. -ecf.

more time earning respect instead of jumping on every dayto-day occurrence that might, possibly, maybe be construed as discriminatitig, we could get past this useless stage and move on to the equal society which I think (though sometimes I’m not sure) is what we’re all striving for. Colleen Winter 3B Elec. Eng.

by Al Kennedy Y Y3 h-v 4 y CMEM l/Q!

1 .zmv7

&52?tF-

FORlJWl

Imprint, Fridai, December 1, 1989

Thank you for the TM not Fed-sanctioned Safety Van To the editor,

Club status at the UW allows a

To the editor, With the coming of the colder weather, use of the safety van has This - greatly increased. q .m. term .* 1 have come to rely on thH ricle home. T,he trips are convenient and a staff rtin is even provided for Federation of Students’ employees. It is wonderful to avoid the walk home after working late. If you have been using this service, please be informed, if you aren’t alreadv, that there is a posted route “the drivers use in order to make their rounds and return to meet the next time slot.

They are not required to detour from this route, but fre-

quently will if they have the time and if they are asked politely. On a rece’nt trip, someone adamantly demanded door to door service and refused to leave the van until this was provided. Obviously not everyone appreciates the free ride home. The safety van program is a

group to use the words, “University of Waterloo” following their name. Currently, the Federation of Students does not recognize the TM Club as a Club of the

Federation. The concern expressed by many students has caused the Federation of Students to defer a decision regarding more information

valuable resource that is used. by many tired students, I would like to acknowledge the drivers for their bard work thank

them\ for their

Roma Surat 4th year ERS/Biology

Stacey? Credibility? To the editor, When

reviewing

a concert,

critic Stacey Lobin should consider the characteristics of the venue. It is hard for an exciting, emotional, and energetic band such as 54-40 to perform to their potential when the band members have to rub elbows on an elevated ten foot square pressboard sheet that The Twist calls a stage. This is a case where the negative criticism should be aimed at the locale and’ not the

band, If this critic wishes to maintain her credibility she should refrain from referring to the band’s most recent album, Fight for Love, as “boring,” after she admitted giving the album a “glowing review” in a past issue of Imprint. Would this suggest that $4-40’s “half-hearted rabble rousing”

was

actually

an incred-

ibly exhilarating rience?

concert expe-

Neil Froggat t 3A Math

“Don’t breathe” used to escape from my Iittle sister’s lips every autumn night when we were young as 1 breathed loudly, She would then stamp out of our bedroom to the welcome silence of the living room.+“Good,” 1 thought, “I always wanted’ this room to myself!” 1 am one of one million Canadians with asthma. There exists more information now than ever on the cause of asthma, and new treatments are continually developed, but deaths due to asthma are still increasing. How can we battle this lung disease? Pay attention to any worsening symptoms of asthma. These sympt ems include iaboured breathing, shortness of breath, tight chest, coughing, or siblings shouting at you at 3 a.m. Mention these symptoms to your physician, Asthma often has trouble deciding whether it is coming or going. At times when asthma symptoms seem non-existent, do not stop any prescribed medication for asthma without checking it out with your doctor. Symptoms change with the passing of a day. If symptoms are troublesome at night or early

I : 2 g 4

morning,

your

asthma

may be out of control.

Upon notifying your doctor of your troubles, he/she may prescribe different asthma controlling medication better suited to let you sleep with ease.

If you ar8 in!ffestecl in this spring then sign up in th8 PAC before DEC 15th or else. Be & HIP DAFE or DUDE and &nioyed some spring time skiing antics thi8 ye&r. Get your iame on !h&t list too! Do it 8oor1!

to May 7 $7OO.O0 incIude8: airfare, 6 day duai mountain p&8&, two bechom Tantalus condo’s with full kitchen, fireplace, living &rea, outdoor pool, hot-tub, right &t the uf the mountain. GOOD TIMES! Space is limited, firal ca

firat serve.

Next turn

Asthma should not be a valid excuse for beduced attacks; however, if the inhaler ceases to be effective, contact your doctor. You may have to modify your exercise program. Changing seasons, temperature, and/or humidity often induce attacks. Besides trying to stay away from irritants that you are sensitive to, your doctor may be able to help relieve your symptoms. If you get to know the fIexibility your medication offers you, you maybe able to change the dose depending on your condition. Adjustments should only be made with recommendations from a physician. Keeping a diary of symptoms, their eeverity, and when and why they occur will help describe your asthma to you and your doctor. After you pinpoint the causes, some cases of asthma may be reduced to a non-bothersome affliction. If you partake in the maintenance of yourself and maybe your “little sister” will never stamp out the room again, For more information on this topic or others of interest, like the effects of eggnog, maximizing your Christmas haul, or how to be cheery before exams, ask the Health and Safety Resource Network at the H&S Bldg., Rm. 121 or call 885-1211, ext. 6277.

Kitchener 607 King West

578-5050

Kitchener 210 Lorraine

746Ml@

might be to IO lat..

Kitchener 525 Highland

741-5050

Dear Ski Club Member, Due to some administrative chmges at Chicopee and past poblems with unreturned corporate passes, the U of W SKI CLUB’s corporate membership Passes will now b4 available &t the Turnkey Desk in the C&mpus Center. The passes will be available for skiing at Christmas. We hope this change will ultimately povlde bettw control over the passes ensuflng m@re FREE sklifig for everyone. A complete written summary of the changes is available in the PAC. We regret any inconvenience this may c&use and hope everyone hue a great skiing se&&w. Slope8! SKI CLUB HOT LINE 8844505

Scott Lapish, Chair Board of InternaI Liason Federation of Students

coming flabby, Inhalers help reduce exercise-in-

Remi+er:

Stephen Lee, Chair Public Issues Board

66Don9tbreathe”

pa-

tience

1 hope this letter will clear up any misconceptions about the standing of the TM Club, especially in light of J. Hagey’s article and the letter from S. Hepburn, TM Club President, in the November 24 issue of Imprint. If anyone has any questions or

concerns about TM, please come and see me in the Fideration of Students office, Campus Centre 235, or call 888-FEDS and ask for extension 6299,

To YOur Health

consistently

and

TM until can be ob-

tained. The TM Club, therefore, cannot use the University of Witerloo’s name until a decision regarding their status has been .rendered*

Extra toppings avaitabtc at addtbnal cost. Valid onty with coupon i3t pMk@ating Little C&es&rs. *Excludes qtra cheese. EXPIRES DEC. 16/‘89

FEATURE

22 tmprint, Fridai, December I, 1989

Joshua

Daniel

Missionary by Mark Vanderkam

Eleven months ago loshua Daniel, a preacher from India, almost died after visiting the University of Waterloo. A day and a half after preaching in the Campus Centre and suffering from the strain of his heavy schedule, he had a near-fatal heart attack. After over forty-five years of incessant travel, and preaching, it looked as though he might have preached his last sermon. But emergency surgery restored his heart’s normal functions as concerned people around the world prayed for him, Four months later, praising God for restoring his strength, he was back on his feet and carrying his message all over to his to widely-scattered congregations. Who is Joshua Daniel, what does he stand for, and why does he keep visiting universities like UW? To understand Daniel, you must understand his theology, for his spiritual beliefs stand behind all that he teaches and does. He believes quite simply in the Jesus Christ of the New Testament, not Jesus the social worker of modern liberal theology, For Daniel, Jesus is a real person who is as involved today in changing people as He was years ago when He lived in Palestine, With this belief, Daniel sees it as his job to do his utmost to tell people about Jesus. He follows the words of Christ literally, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel.” He also sees a need to train other people as evangelists and missionaries. For the past twenty-six years, he has been the principal secretary of the Laymen’s Evangelical Fellowship International. Working with fellow Christians ’ in India, Germany, Australia, and a few other countri?s, he has supervised the e&ablishment of several hundred gospel halls and severalldozen medical clinics. I have. pefsonally visited some of these clinics and halls in India, and couldn’t help but notice the sincerity of the people there. One medical doctor I met, an eye surgeon, would travel day and night for four days by train, bus, and jeep, to get to remote regions where he would set up eye clinics for the poor people, Many of the evangelists that I met in India are themselves quite poor. Some of them are not very well educated (at least by our standards], but all of them have firm beliefs and they work hard to back up those beliefs. They do not rely on support from Western countries. In fact& it was quite refreshing to see that the work is indigenous to India and wholly supported and directed from within India. There is a common belief that missionary work imposes Western values on Eastern situations, but what I saw was a grassroots phenomenon that is perfectly legitimate in its own context, Daniel will be speaking at the CC at UW on Saturday night [December 2nd at p.m., room 1%) In view of this visit, I thought it appropriate to interview him about his beliefs and his work.

leader

Question: Some anthropologists decry missionary work as cultural inYet your mission sends trusion. preachers into predominantly nonChristian areas to start and build churches. In fact, in some states of India where you work, people are so suspicious of missionaries that there are strict laws against making religious converts. How do you justify your work in the face of this kind of criticism?

visits

They were not m&e theorists like our modern variety of anthropologists, These people have done nothing to better the cause of the oppressed, the downtrodden, and the neglected* Instead they sit in their theological and philosophical armchairs and talk through their hats whereas the former, moved by the love of Jesus, go out and save lives, We can talk about a tribal system, examine it on the surface, and comment that their dance is spectacular. Butt what follows after the dance? What of all the sexual orgies by which whole tribes have disappeared through the diseases contracted from such immoral living? Now it’s a known fact that Kenya and parts of Africa have hid AIDS for a long time. I’ve established a number of medical clinics in remote areas. I can seehow some of the people have been suffering just from sexual promiscuity, I send some of our fine young doctors to these remote places, doctors who

Jesus is not a mental concept

Daniel: Let us look on the problem, or the supposed problem, just on its face value first. If people are really going to be unbiased .and honest, they will see that there are areas where people definitely need enlightenment and release from ancient fears grid superstitions. The Word of God enlightens, Consider the ancient culture of India, where worship of the “sun” god existed since the time of the Aryan invaders, We don’t know when human sacrifice and ritual murders became an acceptable part of life, but they continued right into the 19th century, It took William Carey, the great missionary of Britain, to tabulate ‘the number of widows that were being burned in the close vicinity of Calctitta. He also described the innumerable children that were being thrown to the goddess after whom Calcutta is named. This goddess is depicted to be a lover of human blood. To this day, there is a great festival in Calcutta honouring this goddess, where idols of a very beautiful woman are worshiped for several days and then eventually thrown into the river Ganges. Now when Carey, who was no more than a mere cobbler in England, was moved by the love of Jesus,he took the Word of God there against all opposition and started his work. As a result, an edict was passed by Lord I3entick that there should be no more widow burnings. The early missionaries were people of this range of wisdom and compassion.

Can anthropologists

could have made a pile of money in a regular practice; and there they love and serve the people. Where no government is able to supply the people with medical services, these young men and women are moved by the love of Jesus and go.

Let anthropologists produce such selfless doctors. Let them do something definite about these tribes which are

being decimated by all kinds of diseases, Then 1’11be impressed by their theories. Now take, for instance, a tribe where I personally labuured from my youth, a

produce

selfless d&m?

But all this despair has vanish*ed ever since Jesus Christ began to change the hearts of those men and women. Today some of these very men are going and changing the hearts of others. They are relieving the distresses of others, Inare healing others. The Lord Jesus is using them even to do miracles, well-au-

Daniel: Now let me get this straight. I don’t preach religion as such. I preach Christ, the risen Christ, and His power to change people’s lives. Admittedly, universities may not be places where there is much sympathy or room for Christian truth, but universities are places where at leaat some people are looking for answers, real answers to Jhe problems of life. Therefore, everywhere I speak, I see young people who have very real problems. They don’t know what to believe, they don’t know whom to believe, and in many cases, the bottom is falling out of their lives because they just seem unable to trust anybody, including thernselves. But when Jesus Christ is presented, and people seek JO find Him, in a yay it offers a real chance to change their lives. I have found that communists, atheists, and people of all ideologies discover that Jesus Christ is as good as His word: “Come unto Me all you that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” Question: In your life as a preacher, you have travelled several million miles and preached probably over ten thousand times. Since your he@ attack and quadruple by-pass surgery eleven months ago, you have travelled another 40,000 miles and preached on three continents.

Now I hear that your schedule over the next sixty days puts you in Canada, the United States, several countries in Europe, several cities in India, and the east and west coasts of Australia. What is it that drives you on even in the,face of illness, and do you seea time when you will retire? Daniel: Retirement is far from my thoughts. I began as a boy and 1 have seen over the years that Jesus is not a mental concept, a figment of our imagination, or even some great high philosophy, Jesus, as in the days that he walked this earth, is factual, real, and working today. He is my-Lord+ He is iny frienda He is my all. If I meant to make money in my life, I could have made a pile. It’s not money, but the love for souls that drives me on. If it were money, by now I would have retired. If it were any other motive, by now 1 would have tired. But I see no way by which I can take my ease while young people are desperSometimes I found young people who had the instru-

His

ments of suicide ready at hand. They had planned it all, they were wo&ing on

Question: You plow a lonely furrow. Year after year, you preach on university campuses in many countries. Yet

it, and a! that point the Lord jesus touched them. Then they became such vital and powerful and fulfilled people, and thenceforth had something to give to others.

thenticated Name‘

in India.

t-beds universities are anything but of religious conservatism. YouY ave to admit that your message is not very popular with young people today. Just what are you trying to accomplish with all these religious meetings?

Students c&me to hear Daniel In Mad

tribe notorious for their highkay robberies, murders, gambling, bootlegging, and widespread immorality. When we went in there, there were many incurable diseases, and whole families were disappearing. Numerous children were dying while they were still infants,

Daniel with some evangelists

UW -

miracles, .

through

Imprint, Friday, December 1, 1989

t’s like getting paidgo to *school.

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We are afl quid

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Ready for some real fbn? Ifyouareabouttograduatewitha Bachelor’sdegreein Computer Science,El& Engineering, Math, Physics,or related technical degree,then we want to hear about your micro computer progdng experience,de&n skills, and/or exposuk to managing projects. Micros& will be interviewing on campus: Jmy=y 25,w90 Seeyour CareerPlanning and Placement Oflice for more details. , .

one step further and delivers a collection of real songs, and good ones at that. In the past, the band simply flirted with the writing of more conventional tunes. Their music was based on ambitious instrumental Odysseys into some sort of punk rock netherworld. These were amazing,

but something was still lacking. Wrong consists of short, to the point, blasts of intensity and it feel4 great. The only .mundane moment is the repetitive chorus of The Tower. On the rest of the tracks every riff, beat, phrase, and chorus is right on target. The music encompasses an “impressive spectrum of styles, from-the fast’, heavy funk of Big Dick, through Mindless wronder’s instrumental bombast, Tired of Woitin’s jazzy rapping, the deliberate Ramones-like simplicity of Oh No! Bruno!, and the melodic inflec- ’ tions of Lies and The End of AI! Things. * The heavy, straightforward production adds to the record’s force, though the guitar sound is occasionally too harsh. 2 As usual the stop-on-a-dime exactness af NoMeansNo’s musicianship is nothing short of breathtaking, if somewhat restrained here. On Wrong, the band’s instrumental virtuosity is used to accentuate rather than dominate and as a result the sporadic out bursts are especially effective. The lyrics on Wrong are as powerful and diverse as the music though I’m not going to bother discussing them. I’m too busy playing air guitar and marvelling at the sheer rapture that is this record. What more can I say but give this five stars, NOW!!!.” ,

all that; it is more than that. IIig Planet Scary Planet is, The beauty of this release is Fish’s return to form. But this is not a return to any earlier musical focus; it would be sheer lunacy for Fish to backtrack and write the kind of stuff that he did when he was dabbling with jazzhall rhythms served piping hot on a bed of solid punk stylings. The jazzy guitar of former Conspirator Max Eider has been gone now for some time, and Big Planet Scary Planet is a witness to a very necessary maturation:

than fulfills the craving in my soul for the fab Butcher man. Big Planet is a collection of guitar-fueled songs, each essential. It opens up with New Invention, which is also the first single. It explodes as it follows the electronic path from turntable to amplifier to speakers to ears. A guitar rave up, New Invention is a harbinger of a great album. Fish, though, also has a firm grip on how to slow down the pace without inducing sleep. Hysteria chronicles the band’s

Fish

North

by +ndy Koch Imprint staff “For the next album we’re going to try to get a loud arid crunchy rocking leap off the vinyl kinda record. We’ve always wanted to do one ever since the Ramones’ first record. I want one that’11take the paint off the walls,” - NoMeansNo drummer John Wright. Consider your walls unpainted. NoMeansNo have delivered what they promised. Wrong is the album NoMeansNo fans have been waiting for and the one that affirms Victoria, B,C.‘s wonder trio as one of the greatest bands currently pressWhich way to the wax museum? ing vinyl. sits. the band explored the possibiliSince their itiizeption, NoWaneNo have been slowly de- u ties of what could be done with a The two records that followed veloping their own unique and guitar player. showed the band becoming tighwondrous vision of rock music. While the cover of Hendrix’s ter and more studio-literate. Msma showed that with a little Manic Depression was exc&ent, Small Parts Isolated and Descreativity and spirit, a minimalthe band never really gelled on troyed was a collection of granist bass and drums combo could the rest of that record. Sex Mad diose epics that ex’panded the produce some interesting was a significant improvement limits of “underground” music. sounds. 0n the You Kill Me E.P:, that offered several near-clasOn Wrong, NoMeansNo goes

by Derek Weiler Imprint staff ’ The Butthole Surfers. s . I-immmmm. . . There’s weird and then there’s weird. There’s always a handful of charmingly low-key eccentric around in the music scene, Iike Michael Stipe or Terence Trent D’Arby. ff you look hard enough, though, you’ll find a handful of acts who’ve transcended mere eccentricity aI@ charted the land of honest-to-gosh insanity. Jim Foetus is perhaps the only modern figure who ‘can match’the Butthole Surfers for sheer depth of mental imbalance. The four-song EP Widowermaker! is the Buttholes’ follow-

up to their fine ‘88 LY Hairway to Steven. As such, it pretty much carries on in the same vein: humalong, poppy melodies and song structures are corroded by the deranged wail of a thousand dying guitars, and the psychotic grunting of lead singer Gibby. Let’s see. . . there’s Bong Song, which contrasts wistful vernal melodies with hprrible screeching and scratching noises. There’s g ditty called Booze, Tobacco, Dope, Pussy, Cars, which could have been recorded by Jan and Dean’s evil twins. Then, there’s Helicopter, the EP’s major track, which is pretty much a typical, Buttholes song [that is to say, it defies description beyond that). But although Helicopter is the A-side, the best song on the record is something called The Coloured FBI Guy: eerie, unified, F$lieytly written and per. Well, I won’t waste any more valuable print’ space except to say that if you’re an uninitiate to the Buttholes, Widowermaker! is as good a place as any to start. Pick it up.

by lohn Hymers Imprint staff Sometime back in the mist of time, in 1983's vapour trails, Pat Fish acquired an alter ego: the Jazz Butcher. He formed a band around himself, and the Jazz Butcher Conspiracy was born. Et Deus &et: fiat lux. Seven years saw several albums and singles, with the latest recordings a far cry from the masterpieces that Fish initially threw dt the hungry public, But then 1989 came, truly a year of destiny. Numerology . . . AI& cabalist could tell you the importance of 1989: its digits add up to twenty-seven. Twenty-seven is nine times three, both being Significant numbers; th’ree is the Trinity, and nine is a Trinity of Trinities: three threes. Indeed, this Pythagorean interpretation can be taken further; the digits in twentyseven, two and seven, add up to nine. On top of that, twentyseven itself is a Trinity of nines, which of course, when flipped upside down, form three sixes.. . . Big Planet Scary Planet . , . I;’ is a fusion of suburbian angst with downtown street smarts. It is the buzz of one man’s unrelenting passion. It is

has

finally

learned

how

create a consistent album without Eider. There is no throwback to former days, no pining for Eider. Fish has gone forward, releasing possibly his strongest effort yet. Or, at least, as good as anything. But comparisons are stupid and tawdry: the concern is the now, and Big Planet more

American

tour

experien-

ces, and literally grows in to an incredible intensity by the song’s end. It just very well may be the most perfect song he ever wrote. You get the point; there is no need to discuss every song. I slobbered all over this album, but decency forbids an apology. File under: wigged out.

ARTS tunes really rock. All eight songs on Missing Links are instrumentals and -half of them were penned by the legendary Link Wray. The sound is very primitive - just a guitar, bass, and drums recorded on a portable four-track - but who needs any“thing else?

Imprint,- Friday, December 1, 1989

those quirky bands who aIways open from someone else, so you only catch ten minutes worth of their set. But that’s ok, ‘cuz they brought all of their friends along - they’re the ones that stand off to the side of the stage and mouth all the lyrics’. Oh, the lyrics! They range

by Craig Netterfield Imprint staff [cue spy music) It was late Tuesday afternoon when I escaped from the fortress of CKMS with a mitfull of new releases. I know it won’t take long before the villainess Jacqueline Bruner and her henchmen catch up with me, so I’ll have to keep these reviews short. The first up is the second release from Link Protrudi and the Jaymen. The trio, which lasted about a year, consisted of exmembers of the Fuzztones (whose have since re-formed]. Missing Links, on Skyclad, is a collection of tracks that were cut in the same session as the first album, but were left off, For a bunch of leftovers, these

by Michael Salovaara Imprint staff Folk singer Connie Kaldor had an enthusiastic crowd in stitches last Saturday night, November 25, at the Humanities Theatre, Kaldor, a native of Regina, now based in Winnipeg, spoke often of her prairie roots and her desire to see the RoughRiders kick Hamilton’s butt (which of course they did]. And like the RoughRiders, Kaldor came on confidant, full of energy and ready for fun. ’ Kaldor began with the quickpaced Wonderlust, warming up the audience in the process. She performed all the best songs off her latest album Gentle of Heart. A song which best displays Kaldor’s humour even when dealing with leering Neanderthals is Jerks: “Jerks, with a capital *j’ ay, yeah, yeah, yeah baby.” It’s funnier when she sings it, really, just ask anybody. Another song which caught the attention of everyone was a parody on the male dominated blues genre. Mocking the showman shit of egomaniac guitar jockeys, Kaldor turns the tables when she sings “how big is it?” ause) (giggles . from the mostly !Fmale audience) [pause extended) (laughter as- the phrase sinks into the collective consciousness) “how big is your heart. , .” At times the concert was like a huge pajama party or some other female bonding ritual, where the topic revolves around the virtues and vices of men. Not that KaIdor isolated the male audience; gender issues were dealt with humour and tact. The lion’s share of nimble repartee dwelled on comparisons between Saskatchewan and Kitchener-Waterloo, such as polka music and the bird dance. The

concert

was

a hoot,

al-

though her speaking routine faltered at times. And other times, especially in the second set, she spoke too much, as if she forgot that she was suppose to sing, Look for her return next year, and if you missed her this time make an effort to see her next time - a good time is guaranteed.

Jaqule

wenta

hndd

Check ouIt the Batman cover to from the bizarre “Someone hits find out the truth about Batman the hammer/ Someone makes the and Robin. pants/ Someone bought a farm Also noteworthv is the cover todav/ So thev could watch the art - definitely ihe chintziest ants” [from Hhbit Camp) to the since James BEown’s releases ridiculous “Find the guilty pig/ from .the mid-60s. I’ll give it a It’s pretty hard to see/ Point my three plus a bonus half for the finger ~at the table! It’s bigger cover art. than your knee.” Also on Skyclad is Far from . Kith and Kin, the debut LP from The music is pretty well on par Hand of Glory, an outfit from with the lyrics. There are plenty Austin, Texas. The band are of odd beats and assorted crazy based on that good ‘ole rock-nsounds. This is a strange&album rollin’ sound we’ve all grown to - listen before you buy. It gets a love so much. two. The production is Iowa’s Horny Genius are also _ --_smooth, but not too smooth, and the lyrics are on Community 3 records. The well written. It’s good, and I dozen songs on Burn Your Sister really want to like it. But this are all band originals. There is a album is boring. Far from Kith good mix of fast and slow songs and Kin kinda reminds me of Big _ that are all based on that guitarCountry’s first album - all of bass-drums sound (anyone nothe songs are mid-tempo and tice a pattern yet?), but the band after a while they blend into one reaches past the three-chord big lump. barrier. Under Your Spell and the There’s a piano on some tracks catchy Ball and Chain are the and even some samples like in only numbers that jump out at Mother Horta, where a garbled ya. The rest of them just sort of voice mentions “Angles of fear lie in the grooves waiting for the and death.” needle to come along and wake With the exception of Cha Cha them up. It gets a two-and-awith HaI, this album is devoid of half. hooks, which means that you Chicken Scratch are a three mayhave to listen to these songs piece band from New Jersey. Ima few times before you’ll start portant people lose their pants is humming them in class Sure, their second album on Communthese guys are just starting out, ity 3 records. but this album is worth a listen Chicken Scratch is one of and it’s worth a three,

Hear ye! Hear ye! All Faculty,

Stuff and Students

Heed the call to the Fifih

Annual

University

of Wuterloo

Christmas

Curul Sing

With Juke Wilh~

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Wednesday, December 13, 1989 1215 p.m. to 1:oo pm. Modern Languages Building Foyer Light Refmhments aoailable Mank the date on your calendar, See you tkl?!!

ARTS

Imprint, Friday, December 1, 1989

f ,Eric s

Russell Banks Affliction McClelland and Stewart

Idle humour by Peter Dedes Imprint staff

by John Michael Ryan Imprint staff In his latest novel, Affliction, Russell Banks returns to the small town northern New England locale that has served as the setting for his more successful writings. The plot of Affliction revolves around Wade Whitehouse: part-time town cop, employee of lOcal entrepreneur Gordon LaRiviere, and sometime father to ten-year-old Jill. Wade’s life never seems to work out properly, in fact it has been marked by false starts, dead ends, frustrated ambitions and a deep rage. Through a combination of bad luck and some profound character flaws, Wade’s life has somehow never fulfilled its potential. Now, in his capacity as town cop, Wade finds a mission in tryin8 to solve the erhaps accidental shooting oP a Boston labor leader. As hi(s personal and professional lives slide, Wade begins to see connections between ostensibly isolated events and outlandish conspiracies materialize out of nowhere. Banks chooses Wade’s brother Rolfe to narrate; Wade’s downfall. In telling the tale, Rolfe hopes to make some sense out of Wade’s final blaze of violence and came to terms with their common background of childhood abuse. Both Rolfe and Wade chose to deny their father’s abuse, with varying degrees of succ,ess Rolfe remembering his childhood very selectively, Wade looking back with a mixture of sardonic humor and black rage. * Banks’s implication is obvious;

the violence sown in early childhood will be reaped one way or another in adult hood. Banks weaves an engrossing and absorbing novel around events that he admits would only fill a half column newspaper item. He skillfully fills in characters, motivations and an overwhelmingly convincing

No one is particularly remarkable, none of the action is incredibly sensational but Banks paints the commonplace in a new light, making the recognizable even the mundane -interesting. A veritable tour de force don’t failjo catch this rising star in the American literary firmament.

It would have been an interesting experiment to perform Eric Idle’s Pass the Butler in a Texan drawl but still leave it set at the home of Sir Robert Charles (UK, cabinet member]. Imagine chili with your trifle, Through a twisted set of circumstances and morality, Sir Robert is really Lady Chairles ftransvestitism;you kno ‘, . . it’s rampant in British poli i!its but well hidden) and Lady Charles is dead. Butler is the son of Sir (Lady?) Charles, and thus he’s been incestuous, with Annabelle all along. “It’s called ‘good breeding.” Any more plot explanation is impossible - remember, Idle is from Monty Python. Acidic -cold war humour is, perhaps, unnecessary. At least to the civilized who sop up the television pictures of peopJe dancing upon the Berlin Wall, In economic terms, perestroika is necessary to infuse the Soviet economy with a dumptruck of US. dollars. A calculated political positiog of appeasement is requisite in order to allay fears of communist repression . To conquer popular ignorance, Upstage productions presents Pass the Butler (at the Princess Cinema, Friday, December 1 and Saturday, December 2, at TOO

Choral concert -

Christmastime... with the Christmas section of Handel’s Messiah. Sandwiching the whole program is the CGC A Christmas concert with a Chapel Choir singing Gabrieli’s difference will be performed at Gloria and his Magnificat. What so different about this the Davis Centre on Wednesday, December 6 at 12~1 noon. There concert is its venue. . , the Great will be three choirs involved: the Hall of the Davis Centre. In the Chamber Choir, under the direc- words of Wilbur Maust, “It. . . tion of Wilbur Maust, the Uni- seems appropriate that the wedversity Choir, under the ding of science and music take direction of Robert Shantz The place in such a technological Conrad Grebel College Choir, ‘cathedral’ since once again the under the direction ot George Medieval view of music as a Williams, will participate on the branch of mathematics (‘number made audible’) may be realized.” opening and closing numbers. The program consists of This is a free concert and all motets by Bach, Gabrieli, are welcome to attend. The same Hassler, Chesnokov, and twen- concert will be performed on Fritieth-century Swedish composer day, December 1, at 8:00 p,m. at Ulsson, performed by the the Theatre of the Arts. AdmisChamber Choir. The University sion is $6.00; students and seChoir will complete the program niors are $4.00. by Michael Salovaara Imprint staff

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CHORALENSEMBLES CHAPELCHOIR GeorgeWiebc, Director

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p.mJ in the particularly Canadian position - with no accents and a pleasant yet unconcerned attempt to disregard a heavy dose of maquillage. Yes . . . they looked like high school kids. It felt like a sexy kind of naivite especially an exuberant Annabelle, played by Naomi Snieckus. played by Paul Butler, McKone, served his life-supported pair o’ tits with charm and grace. And it was not the tailcoat that lent him his particular nanache. It was morea sense of demonic possession as he sold his soul to the heartless beeping of the respiratory equipment which kept the now prime minister alive. The believability of Butler’s sexuality was questionable though. He was more the acerbic eunuch, and was unconvincing as Annabelle’s lover ‘and future brother. Most important however was the China Townesque performance of Slater by Archie Wisco. All that remained was for his nose to be slit with a chainsaw marvelous. ’ Monty Python’s Eric Idle provides a timeless script as all that is stodgy and insufferable in the United Kingdom is aired like last week’s unmentionables. Delivery was first class hilarious but it would be fairly difficult to botch up Idle’s hum&r anyway.

INSTRUMENTAL ENSEMBLES 1 STAGEBAND ORCHESTRA 1

Michael Wood, Director Mondays, 7-9 p.m. CCCRoom 156 First Rehearsal: Jan. 15 S@I up for audition: Jan. a, 630-8

pm,

William Janzen,Director Thu~ys,4:3M30 p.m. CGC Room 156 First Rehearsal: Jan.11 Sign up for audition: Jan. 4-10

CONCERTBAND Karen Tomlin, Director

(

Curry, Tandoori and Vegetarian Dishes are our Specialties

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Imprint, Friday, December 1, 1989

, F

,â&#x20AC;&#x2122;

The first line to tihat may be the Great Canadian Novel is hidden under these strikeovers. We have no idea who the author is, but whoever wrote it had good reasons 10 hide it. I Figure out what the hidden line is.

4T \

Athenas

WamiorS

Chasing first place Laker

Warriors top OUAA cioormats s; by Andrew Kinross Imprint staff The hockey Warriors extended their winning streak to four games by blanking the Queen’s Golden Gaels 4-0, and then walloping the Royal Military College Redmen 10-l last weekend in Kingston.

The team improved its record to 7-2 on the season and catapulted past Western into second

Waterloo 10

RMC

Waterloo Queen’s

place in the West Division standings. They trail the divisional leaders, Laurier, by four points, but have played one less game. Against Queen’s, the Warrior forwards shared the wealth with four individual players putting the puck in the net. Rugged rookie Pat Daly scored his first goal of the year when he delivered a backhand shot into the net right after Gord Costigan had won a face off in the Queen’s zone. Jim David followed that up when he connected on a beautiful set up from Steve Girardi, and the Warriors led Z-O after one period of play. Girardi scored one of his own in the second period, putting his

rebound in upstairs on the Queen’s goaltender. Jamie Maki closed out the evening when he converted a pass from Tony Crisp at 15:53 of the final frame. Goaltender Mike Bishop was outstanding in the Waterloo net, and his effort earned him his second shutout of the season. On Sunday afternoon, the Warriors played the last place West Division team, the Royal Military College, and had little difficulty in romping over the Redmen 10-l. Jim David and Tony Crisp started chipping away at the opposition with goals at 240 and 4:43 of the first period before RMC got on the board with a power play goal at 6:36. But in the second period, the floodgates opened. Waterloo scored five times, three of them with the man advantage, Points went to Mike Payne, Jamie Maki, Tony Crisp, Ken Buitenhuis, Pat Daly and John Goodman. For good measure, Goodman bulged the twine once more in the third period and Crisp added one more to adhieve his second hat trick in as many weeks. Assistant coach Geoff Ward commented on what he thought the Warriors have to do to maintain their strong showing. “We have to play really well defensively, which we have been doing, and pump the puck in the net when we get the opportunities,” he said. “What we’re doing well is keeping the other team’s

Waterloo backstop Mike Bishop has stonewalled BIG@harp-shooters, and currently ranks second among goaltenders in the OUAA with p12.11 goals against average. Imprintfilephoto shots down.” When asked if he felt con-

cerned over the fact that the team does not have a lot of depth, Ward reluctantly agreed and added, “We want to stay away from injuries as much as we can.“-

The Warriors visit Brock University tonight (Friday, December 1) at 730 p,m. before returning to the Icefield to go up against York on Sunday, December 3 at 230 p.m. If history repeats itself, the Waterloo-York match on Sun-

day at the Icefield should be a thrilling end to the midway point of the hockey season and likely will draw a large crowd. York eliminated the Warriors t6o games to one in last year’s thriller OUAA central semi-final series.

i possible antidote for The Plague?1 c

by Carol Dougan Imprint staff tast Thursday, the Warrior volleyball team, ranked second in the nation, was forced to meet the Windsor Lancers in the small gym at the PAC. The crowd turnout was exceptional, even though the majority had to sit pn the floor, and many UW fans held banners and cheered the Plaguesters on. Despite the cramped conditions, the match was exciting and the crowd was enthusiastic. Coach Scott Shantz rotated in all dressed players and had spect acular results from everyone. Steve Heck was on a mission, killing 77 per cent of his attacks, The team managed to devour Windsor with 33 stuffblocks, an incredible figure considering that a total of only 45 points were scored by the Warriors. ’ Jeff Stover, a rookie, had a following of local fans and the chance to show his cricket-like jumping ability. Windsor is in third place in the OUAA West, a considerable improvement over last year’s team. The Lancers have a few good blockers and hitters and show a lot of potential for the near future. The Warriors were confi-

dent in their ability to win and were pleasantly surprised with the Windsor team’s fight. / Steve Smith raised the crowd’s intensity by displaying more of his stellar ace spike serves and I experience’d the impact speed of one as it flew into my stomach. Thanks Steve! William Zabjek made several stunning kills and displayed a spark of his full potential. The Plague’s rampage and infestation of the Windsor Lancers only pumped them more for the weekend touinament at Guelph.

Smith were passing everything but the salt, giving setter Tony Martins every opportunity to set the ball with surgeon-like precision. The first game was settled quickly at 15-2. Dave Plouffe demonstrated his defensive talent with style by digging more balls than any other player in that match. The- Pfague took the next two games 15-8, 15-10 making their record with Americans one and one (they lost to Southern California at Winnipeg). The goal?

Michigan State was the first team to experience the impact of the Plague. Last Friday and Saturday, the Warriors travelled to Guelph to meet Canadian and American teams at the Guelph Jnvitational. Because of their ranking, the team and spectators had high hopes for the Warriors. Michigan State was the first team to the. impact of the experience Plague, Mike Fullerton, Fred Koops, Brian Damman, and Scott Smith kept the opposition green with enty with -their extremely high kill percentages. Koops and

Two and one by the end of the tournlament. The University of Toronto Varsity Blues were the opponents’ for the next round. The Blues aren’t as tall as the Warriors, nor can they jump as high or hit as hard, but they know. how to play volleyball. In fact they know it well enough to pull ahead of the Warriors for a few points in the first game and tie it up at 8-8. Coach Shantz called time out, collected the team, and sent them

back on the floor to win 15-8, Martins was versatilh on the court, making kills out of the blue, and Zabjek and Heck both had 100 per cent kill averages. The Blues’ first set burst was the closest they ever got as the Warriors won the next two 15-4, 15~ 5.

Prior te the tournament, coach Shantz: stated his goal as,- “to meet Ball State in the semi-finals.” The U of T match allowed the goal to be filled as The Plague met Ball State in a Saturday morning match. This opponent is a steady team with a lot of enthusiasm and encouragement from the bench. They play well together and fight for ‘evepy point, adding up to the potential for an exciting match. The Plague went into the semifinal with an abundance of wellcredited confidence and won the first game easily. Then the Plague was attacked from within. The antibody began to torment the team, and all energy was focused on fighting internally instead of against the pumped Ball State team, The Plague lost the three games following and suffered a difficult loss to the Americans. The frustrgting thing is that the

Warriors are a much better team, but had an “off’ day. Ball State went on to the finals to meet the Western Mustangs and 10st. Meanwhile, Waterloo can handle the Stangs easily. Go figure! The Plague, still in recovery finished third overall by winning against Sheridan College in the Consolation round.

Perhaps the tournament has make &the team realize that they are human. Coach Shantz was surprised at the outcome of the t&rnamerit, but not completely discouraged. The team’s ranking, and that of Western, have not changed, but perhaps the tournament has made the team realize

that

they

are

human.

A lot

team building must occur over the Christmas break as the team prepares for a busy schedule in January. Watch for a new andimproved team at the first home game of 1990 as the mighty Plaguesters meet Laurier on January 19 here at the PAC.

Imp&t,

SPORTS

Fourth

by Rich Nichol Imprint staff The Waterloo Warriors basketball team got a glance at four of their 1990 OUAA opponents at last weekend’s National Invitational Tournament in Toronto. Unfortunately, one of them beat in

the

tournament’s

third place game, and two others fought to the championship tilt. When it was all over, the CIAU’s thirds ranked Western Mustangs defeated Toronto, who are ranked ninth nationally, 87-78 to take the crown. Waterloo dropped two of three ’ games to finish fourth in the eight team draw. The Warriors defeated the Regina Cougars, the only Western contingent, in a come-from-behind nailbiter 8077 to open the tourney Thurday ’ afternoon.

Then UW paired up with U of T in- the semi-finals on Friday night, but the Warriors were relegated to the third place game after being bumped by the host squad, 81-66. In that game, Waterloo lost a heartbreaker to McMaster in overtime, 83-79, and settled for fourth overall.

UW 80 Regina 77 Toronto 81 UW 66 McMaster

of eight in Toronto tourney

Warrior cagers now 104

Waterloo

Friday, December I, 1989

83 UW 79

That puts the Warriors preseason record at ‘IO-4,going into the Christmas break. At this time last year; the 198%89-squad sported a record of only 8-6. If this is any indication of success in league play, the Warriors will be vying for top spot in the OUAA West, along with nationally ranked Western and Guelph. “We’re still not showing one hundred per cent effort for an en-

in pftMxm3rb

Waterloo begins the tournament points, nailing five baskets from the trifecta and teammate Ed on Wednesday, December 27 Madronich potted 25 points. Wa- with an 8 p.m. contest against the host team. Other opening terloo shooting guard Troyak point lead that the Blues had added to his fine pre-season to- round games will pair up Tobuilt up proved insurmountable ronto and Poststam, N.Y. at 2 tals with 25 points, including for Waterloo, as Toronto led 43p.m., Alberta versus York at 4 t 33. at the half and 72-62 with two three treys and a flawless 6-for-6 . I . at the charity stripe. Zienchuk p.m., and McGill against minutes To go. also helped o&he&ate the UW McMaster at 6 p.m. offence with 20 points+ sinking “We’re still not showing one hundred per cent effort 5-of-11 from three-point range, League play for the Warriors are still unable to correct begins on Wednesday, January for an entire game. I don’t know if that was because our“Weslow starts going into the 10, 1990, when they travel to of the fatigue of a three game tounament, or the fact halves,” commented coach Windsor to take on the Lancers. that we were behind for 121 of the 125 minutes we McCrae. “I thought our guys had JmMwMm~~~~Z learned their lesson in the Naisplayed. It was an uphill struggle.” Don McCrae mith, but they’re working on it. We have some time now during In a desperate attempt to tie or the Christmas break to correct physically draining for our take the lead, UW applied a press the problems, add some things to young crew.” our game, and hopefully we’ll be In the Regina game, the War- on the Blues ball carriers. Howready for Ryerson,” ever, the Warriors committed riors were almost always trailing by eight to ten points. several sacrificial fouls in the McCrae was referring to the process, allowing Toronto to put Waterloo displayed a rather Tournafrazzled style of play in the open- the final nails in the coffin and Ryerson Invitational ment which takes place from Deing half and went into the dress- win 81-66. cember 27-29 in Toronto. Troyak paced the Warriors ing room behind 42-30. ggjg~glg~~~~j###j& Interestingly enough, Water- with an impressive 25 points, loo did not get a chance at a sin- going y-for-10 from the field and gle free throw against the 5-for-6 at the line. Zienchuk and Cougars in the first 20 minutes. Braley took on quiet roles on ofThe Warriors chased Regina fence, collecting ten points for the greater part of the second apiece. The Blues scoring attack stanza. In a miraculous come- was spread over nine different back effort, UW finally caught players with three starters hitthe Cougars with four minutes to n ting double digits. Finally, Waterloo started the go, outscoring them 50-32. But then the Waterloo juice ran third place game with their Ree- by Michele Hahn Carol Snow, a fourth-year math boks glued to the hardwood. short. student, won her first competiMcMaster took an early lead 9-0, As the last few seconds ticked Despite an obvious lack of tion in the Intermediate Singles off the clock, Cougar guard R. Then the Warriors replied with a sleep for their last week of praccategory, with a clean perforsolo of string music, shooting tice, the varsity figure skating Andrist heaved a trey to clinch mance that would inspire the three straight treys. the victory. team boarded an early morning rest of the team for the meet. At the half, the Marauders led bus to Western’s invitational Waterloo ace sniper AndyLorraine MacDonald and 41-34. Zienchuk led all scorers with 23 meet last Saturday. When they Linda Saville placed third in InUW clawed back to outscore finally arrived home that night, points including three from treytermediate Pair, and Lorraine Mac in the second frame 38-31 land, while fellow guard Chris the team had captured a well-deplaced third again in Intermeand knot the game 72-72 at the served third place finish behind Troyak.dr&ined 17 points. diate Solo dance. Liesel Walton end of regulation time. The Ma- OWIAA champions Queen’s and and Carolyn Moss placed second Warrior towers Pat Telford and Ron Braley pitched in.14 and rauders scored the first two the host team Western. in Intermediate Similar Dance. baskets of overtime and never ten points respectively. Braley The rookies skated very well Shannon Cowling placed third in ripped down nine rebounds and looked back, taking the bronze for their first meet, but it was the Senior “A” Ladies. 83-79. Telford grabbed six. veterans who shone in the face of In the open category, Suzanne McMaster’s Jeff Zawnir was tough competition. J. Christiansen potted 21 Scott, a fourth-year kinesiology the game’s high scorer with 28 points and Andrist canned 17 The day began with a bang as major and a team co-coach, points for the Cougars. skated a flawless program. Scott was first with the crowd but, because of politics and a Queen’s double axle, she only placed third in the standings. -EYE EXAMINATIONS ARRANGEDThe meet ended with the Team Isolated moves category. WaterK-W’s Finest Eyewear Boutique loo won this event with, among other elements, a sky-high axle. from Bonnie Caywood, and some crazy spread-eagle hijinx from Yvonne Devantier. All in all, it was a verygratifying and fun meet for the team. INOEPEN DENT OPTICIANS: ’ The varsity figure skaters will l John A. Haney l Heather Rafeal *Thomas J. D’Arcy next compete at York on January Free 2 Hour Parking In the.Regina Street tot 19. However, if you cannot wait to see them skate, you are wel11 ERB STREET EAST, WATERLOO come to join them any Thursday For your appoirjtment, please call: 7464811 or Friday morning at 7 a,m, at HOURS: Man, Tue, Wed, Fri 9:30 to 6; Thurs 9:30 to 8; Sat9:30to 3 Columbia Icefield.

tire game,” formulated Don McCrae. “I don’t know if that was because of the fatigue of a three game tournament, or the fact that we were behind for 121 of the 125 minutes we played. It was - _an uphill . struggle . 1 .”for . most of the weekend, and that was

The Warriors fell behind early in the Toronto game, after tossing up countless bricks. The ten

MERRY CHRISTMAS from Rich & Pete!

Third ,place captured ‘by UW figure skaters

DON’T NEGLECT YOUR EYES

30 Imprint, Friday, December 1, 1989

SPORTS Sixth place at McGill

Synchro swimming by Diane Grady Imprint staff The Athena squash team opened their regular OWIAA season with a second place finish this past Saturday. The tournament, held at Laurier, was a good chance for the team to have a look at the competition from McMaster, Western, and Laurier. As expected, the Marauders and the Lady Hawks didn’t offer much of a challenge while the ‘Stangs did. The Athenas defeated McMaster and Laurier 5-0 in matches, while Western came out ahead with a narrow victory of 3-2 over the girls. IJWO has one of the topranked women in Canada, Lori Coleman. Waterloo’s number one player Louise Waite will have her work cut out playing against Coleman. Louise had easy victories over Mac and Laurier, but went down against Western, and number two Diane Lee won all three of her matches,

Liana Cooper won two of her three matches, which is commendable since she played with an injured shoulder. Michelle Samways breezed past Mac and Laurier, but ran into a stubborn Western player, leaving her 2-1 for the tournament.- Diane Grady, at number five, put in a strong performance coming out of the tournament without losing a game. Mary Mathers, the sixthon the team,‘won all her games in her first OWIAA squash tournament. Mary was the number one player on Waterloo’s tennis team. Waterloo were 3-3 against Western, but unfortunately only the top five players count for points. This left the Athenas 2-3 and gave the Mustangs a onepoint victory in the-tournament. McMaster finished third, followed by Laurier. Coach Chico Silvestri feels the team has a good chance to retain their OWIAA championship as long as they can pick up that one extra win against the rival Mustangs. -

by Irene Koops The UW synchronized swimming team stormed Montreal this weekend to participate in a meet at McGill. Placing sixth overall, the women all swam well throughout the day. In the final rankings for the Intermediate Figures, Leanne Ramm

placed sixth and Christina Churchill, in her first such meet, came in 13th., In the novice division, personal bests were turned in by Lisi Sparks and Irene Koops, who placed seventh and tenth respectively. Waterloo synchro rookie D&bra Bahnmann-placed

13th, and high-spirited team veteran Susanne Bowen placed 15th. . Out of the 32 novice competitors, Yvonne Leicht and Jennifer Craddock, both rookies as well, ranked 16th and 23rd. A special thanks also goes out to Joanne Touner for her coaching efforts thus far.

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Imprint, Friday, December I, 1989

SPORTS

B-ball Athenas s’lumping at start by Rich Nichol Imprint staff

Sometimes a dip into futility can be humiliating for a team. Things are no different for the Waterloo basketball Athenas, as their recent slump cost them two pastings courtesy of the Brock Badgers and the Queen’s Golden Gaels. Brock rained on the At’henas opening game fiarade with a 7154 win on Wednesday, November 22, and Queen’s thumped UW 72-53 in a rare inseason exhibition game last Friday, both games here at the PAC, A couple of weeks ago, the Athenas were poised to break the ,500 mark in wins. Now their exhibition record stands at 3-7 and regular season record begins at O-2. The biggest problem for the Athenas in the Brock game was an inconsistency to play solid, controlled basketball. Waterloo made sloppy passes, resulting in a head spinning 34 turnovers as compared to 21 by the Badgers. It wasn’t 8 good day shooting from the field either. The Athenas sank only 39 per cent of their tosses but compensated with a phenomenal 77 per cent accuracy at the foul line. Camparatively, the Badgers shot 47 per cent from the wood and 52 per cent at the charity stripe. Waterloo veteran forward Michelle McCrory shared top scoring honours with Brock star Michelle Luke, as each potted 17 points. Heather Kurtz and Pam Spero of Brock followed close behind with 12 and II points respectively. post ,-:m,Mean.yhi,lp, 1JYaterjw Jan&“**ill’ett neited 11 points while rookie guard Sara Bradley . canned an even ten, Notably, ‘?+urtz shot 6-for-8 from the field. ‘Brock had the early lead, but * : the Athenas stormed back for seven straight points to pull ahead 17-1.3 after ten minutes. The scoring spurt by UW forced Badger head coach Chris Critelli to call a timeout and regroup. In the next six minutes, Brock rebounded to outscore the Athenas 14-2, taking a 35-29 lead at the half after a last minute Waterloo surge. ’ Waterloo came out stale after the break as the Badgers rampaged for nine straight points while the Athenas struggled to

sink even the routine lay-ups. With nine minutes remaining, Brock led 58-42 and Waterloo star rookie Sara Bradley received her fourth foul. As the clock wound down, Waterloo tried to narrow the gap but the tenacious offence of the Badgers made the spread insurmountable. The death of Waterloo in the game against Queen’s was a combination of many UW in-. bound turnovers and the Golden Gaels ability to double team the Athena -sharpshooters. You could smell a barnburner in the making as the game took a sporadic pattern in the opening half. However, Queen’s always maintained a slight lead and went into the dressing room, right after a surprise trey by

Golden Gaels guard Teena Bedard, leading 31-25, Three minutes into the second frame, Waterloo showed a more powerful inside game and Queen’s committed a couple of sacrificial fouls on Bradley, storming into th.e paint. Bradley showed her year long consistency at the line, rippling the nylon for four straight free throws, as UW threatened to take the lead, behind only 31-29. But then the Athena offen-sive circulation came to a grinding halt. The Golden Gaels st’ampeded for an unforgivable 18 straight points, while LJW committed several inbound turnovers. When Waterloo failed to control the boards, Queen’s snowballed toward the 72-53 romp.

TRAVEL

“I don’t believe that a team can be behind only six points-at the half and then poof . . . throw the game away in the second”, commented frustrated Waterloo head coach Leslie DaJ Cin. The stats sheet revealed UW’s main problem all game long giving up the ball. The Athenas commit ted 3 I turnovers including a modestly counted seven inbound turnovers. Queen’s stole the ball from Waterloo 25 times while the Athenas returned the favor only nine times. However, Waterloo had no problem in shooting accuracy, beating the Golden Gaels in both field and line percentages. The Athenas sank 48 per cent from the fldor and 73 per cent at the gift box, while Queen’s nailed 44 per cent from the wood and 71

CUTS

per cent on foul shots. Waterloo’s McCrory continued her point gathering prowess by taking top scoring honours with 20 points, and also handed out three assists and snatched five steals, Other high scorers for the Athenas were Bradley who canned 11 points and sophomore pivot Leah Ann Erickson who hooped ten points in a losing cause. Meanwhile, Queen’s guard Nancy Coke led the Gaels offensive attack with 17 points. The next actibn for the Athena cagers will be this Saturday, December 2 against the Western Mustangs, who are currently ranked tenth in the nation. The first jump is at 2 D.m. here in the PAC.. s *

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Imprint, Friday, ‘December 1, 1989

SPORTS FEATURE

UW celebrates

all stars n

by Rich Nichol Imprint staff

Imprint talked to Chen about I his career:

by Peter Brown Imprint staff

Last week in Imprint sports we ran the first part of a footboll feature, throt part on Tuffy Knight for being nomed CIAU Couch of the Year. This week, in part two, we discuss the accomplishments and views of Waterloo defensive back Richard Chen, who took first-team A1I-Canadian all-star team honours.

Imprint

Sports: What was it like moving from all-star wide re-

It may have come a few weeks late, b6t the silver lining has been found for two members of the Warrior rugby team, whose season ended on a sour note with an OUAA semi-final loss to cross-town rivals WLU Golden Hawks. That’s right, the head office has finally announced the OUAA rugby all-stars, and despite UW’s Division I-leading 6-1 record in the regular season+the seven team coaches saw fit to place only two Warriors on the team: Xumber eight Paul Toon, and winger Michael Fischer. The OUAA champs Queen’s Golden Gaels placed a total of seven people on the esteemed squad, six players plus coach Al Ferguson, Toon, known for his powerful running and intensity on the field,’ was pleased but not ecstatic. “I’m glad that I was chosen, but I would have preferred the championship trophy. I think f got (the award) more because I was recognized by the other coaches,” he commented. Toon was an all-star for the Warriors for three years, 198486, and was away from university for the next two seasons. This campaign, Paul .was again known for constantly homing in on the ball, streaking through defenders to make punishing tackles, and selflessly leaping to retrieve kicks. “It’s nice to come back, make the team; and be recognized in

During Vanier Cup Week, the showed off its first-team All-Canadians on a half hour TSN national broadcast. Chen was one of the 24 honoured. The All-Canadians were treated first class from Thursday afternoon until Saturday after the big game. Chen was put up at the Hilton Hotel, attended banquets, luncheons, visited the Sick Kids Hospital and sat in box seats at the Vanier Cup at SkyDome. Chen started playing football in high school at M.M. Robinson Secondary School in Burlington, and was highly scouted by several U.S. and Canadian schools. But he based his decision on academics, not football, and came to Waterloo. In his first season, Chen played wide receiver and caught four touchdown passes, all of which were dazzling catch and run combinations. Entering his second year, Chen started again at wide receiver but switched to defensive back at mid-season because of injuries and a lack of talent in the Warrior defensive backfield. Meanwhile, he was still playing offence and returning punts and kickoffs. This is an unheard of feat at the university level. Chen earned second team OUAA allstar recognition for his efforts on offence.

ceiver to playing defence for the

first time? Chen: At first, I was uncomfortable with the idea, I felt that there was a possibility I might do both (especially while watching the offence struggle in the past). At cornerback on defence, the pressure of getting burned always exists. I.S.: How did you pull through the losing streak, and how did Coach Knight make a difference? RX.: The losing streak, at times, seemed like the perfect opportunity to pack it in, as everything seemed to be working against us. But there was a core of die-hard veterans on this team that nobody could quit on - they just had so much character. Richard

CIAU

1988, Chen’s third season, saw the Warriors with a new head coach Dave “Tuffy” Knight. In spring camp, Knight immediately moved Chen to a permanent spot at defensive back to help solidify the secondary and to start to build a defence. Having played the position only a few times in the previous year, it was a definite learning experience. UW’s backfield improved vastly overall, and Chen was gaining valuable experience that would set up his All-Canadian year in ‘89. This past fall, Chen intercepted three passes to put his career interception total at seven. He scored two TDs, to give him a total of nine in four years. Finally, he finished the s,easonsecond in the nation in punt returns with a 14 yard per return average. He also showed he could hit, much to the-surprise of his teammates on defence. He did an excellent job of intimidating receivers who dared to cross his turf, and. provided tremendous run support.

“At cornerback, the of getting pressure burned always exists.” Coach Knight brought lb a new attitude and work ethic and the whole team was excited to have a coach of such high caliber. His impact was most evident this past year (as Waterloo made the playoffs for the first time since 19781.

In closing, Chen would like to relay a personal thanks to the UW fans, coaching staff, his teammates, and also the support from his family and girlfriend JoAnn.

THURSDAY . Nl@VtS ARE STUDENT CARD . PARTY NIC,W5

this way, btit players like our captain Jim Closs deserved this more than I did.” Toon plans to play again in 1990 to finish off his five years of eligibility. “I’d like to be more of a coach next year, though.” Michael Fischer, another Warrior veteran, echoed Toon’s sentiments about his all-star team berth. “It’s nice, but the (OUAA) crown would have been better,” he lamented. “I was a rookie back in 1985 when we won it all. That’s why a championship this season would have been great.” Fischer was disappointed that so few Warriors made the team. “We were predicted to come in sixth in the division, and we ended up with the best record, I think that tells you that we’re the hardest working team in the OUAA. The fact that we only had two all-stars shows how much we relied on team play this season,” Fischer has been with the team for five seasons, and has provided great leadership for the younger players this year with his example. He led the Warriors in tries with three this fall, and was intense and inspiring all around, whether kicking the ball out of danger or turning a routine run into a gamebreaking overlap. And no Warrior will forget the mid-air “miracle-kick”, the epitome of Fischer’s improvisational talents. The UW rugby side will no doubt make another proud contribution to their storied tradition next season..

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Imprint, Friday, December 1, 1989

SPORTS 1

Varsity- scordmard Thurs.,Fri.,Sat. Nov. 23,24,25 results At U of T Invitational: Preliminary round: Waterloo 80 Regina 77 Semi-final round: Toronto 81 Waterloo 66 Third place: McMaster 83 Waterloo 79 (OT) Future UW gam,es Thurs.,Fri.,Sat. Dec. 28,29,30 Waterloo at Ryerson Invitational CIAU Men’s Basketball Rankings (as of Nov. 28) (1) 1. Alberta Golden Bears (2) 2. St. Francis Xavier X-men (3) 3. Western Ontario Muslangs (4) 4. UBC Thunderbirds (5) 5. Victoria Vikings (61 6. Rrandon Bobcats (8) 7. Guelph Gryphons (71 8. Calgary Dinosaurs (-) 9. Toronto Varsity Blues (-110. Concordia Stingers ,.“.,<.

,. r:

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,. ‘j. .j.: 1: 6

(

I I

Fri, Nov. 24 result Queen’s 72 Waterloo 53 Future UW games Sat. Dec. 2 Western at Waterloo, 2:00 pm (at the PAC)

ATHLETES OF THE WEEK c

I IL DIANE LEE - Athena Squash Diane Lee has been selected

West Division Standings (as of Nov. 13) MWLP Windsor 3306 Brock 4316 McMaster f I 1 2 Waterloo 2 3 1 2 . Western 2112 Guelph 3122 Lakehead 2 0 2 r~ Laurier 2020 East Division Standings (as ofMWLP Nov. 13)

York Laurentian Toronto

Ottawa York Carleton

4 316 33122 1 2 2

RMC Ryerson

j 3 : 1, I:‘,, 1 ‘: ., ~: ‘< j. -::n i” ‘I . :.5::._ ‘. i,i:,: ..~,::~~~~~~~;~ili’i:e-::P i. i .yi .. ,+x> ‘.s .:,. . :.iL+. : .>I.resu.t :..‘. .I .,: j,:.y.:: k::,__: c: j .2 .Wed, ”Nov, ., : ‘.:,,:,.. ‘2;b’ ...i.. I_h. ,..

West Division Standings (as of Now. 29) MWLP Waterloo 6 8 0 12 Western 4 3 16 Windsor 6 3 36 McMaster 6 3 3 6 Laurier 6 3 3 6 5 1 4 2 EE!fh 5 0 50 East Division Standings (as of Nov. 29) MWLP Queen’s 5 5 0 10

West Division Standings (as of Nov. 28) GWLTF AP Laurier 10 9 1 0 50 27 18 Waterloo

1102 1llC20 1 0

Ryerson 1010. Queen’s - - - - - - Toronto Future UW games Thurs. Jan, 18 Waterloo at Laurier, 8:00 pm

Future UW games Fri.,Sat.,Sun., Jan 5,6,7 Waterloo at York Excalibur,

Unavailable at press time Future UW &eets Fri. Sat. Jan. 12, 13 Crossover Round Robin at Waterloo - 6100 pm, 9:00 pm

?:OO pm

I-,

-----

------

hfarauders ---------

(2) 7. Western Mustangs (-1 8. Calgary Dinosaurs IS! 9. Guelph Gryphons (5)10+ Waterloo Athenas

Waterloo finished second overall Western 3 Waterloo 2 Future UW meets Fri. Sat. Jan. 12, 13 Crossover Round Rabin at Waterloo - 6:00 pm, 9:00 pm

Mustangs

.the University of Waterloo and McGinnis Athena of the Week, She is a third-year accounting student from Guyana+ Diane won all three of her matches this past weekend at the West Division Tournament at Wilfrid Laurier, contributing to her team’s second place finish to Western by only one point. She also won four out of five of her &itches a’t the Can Am Tournament on Nov. 17 and-18, where* Waterloo placed second out of six teams.

Future UW games ’ Sat.,Sun. Ian. 27,28 Crossover Round Robin II at RMC, 1O:OO am

LEAR/VA LANGUAGE

f#j

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MIKE BISHOP - Warrior Hockey Mike Bishop has been selected the University of Waterloo and McGinnis Warrior of the Week. Mike is a fourth-year economics student from Elmira. He led the Warrior hockey team to a four point weekend in Kingston, with a 4-O shutout of Queen’s, with 25 shots stopped, and a 10-l romp over RMC. Mike has given up only 19 goals in nine games for a 2.11 goals-against average. The Queen’s game was his second shutout of the year, to give him the OUAA lead in this statistic. In October, Mike was the MVP of the Oktoberfest Tournament and was selected all-star goalie at the Western Invitational.

CIAU Women’s Swimming Rankings (as of Nov. 28) (9) 1. McGill Redmen (8) 2. Alberta Golden Bears (3) 3. Lava1 Rouge et Or (4) 4. Toronto Varsity Blues (10)5. Montreal Mauve et Or 111 6. McMaster

CIAU Hockey Rankings (as of Nov. 28) I. Calgary Dinosaurs 2. Laurier Golden Hawks York Yeomen [:j 4 M nitoba Bisons (9) 5: M:ncton Aigles Bleus (51 6. Alberta Golden Bears (-) 7. Waterloo Warriors (81 6, Western Mustangs (-1 9. St. Thomas i$)lO. UQTR Les Patriots

Memorial

CIAU Men’s Swimming Rankings (as of Nov. 28) ’ (1) 1. Calgary Dinosaurs (-1 2. McGill Redmen (2) 3. McMaster Marauders (3) 4. Lava1 Rouge et Or (4) 5. Alberta Golden Bears (5) 6. Western. Mustangs (6) 7. Toronto Varsity Blues (Et) 8. Laurentian Voyageurs (7) 9. Guelph Gryphons (9)lO. Waterloo Warriors

Waterloo at Brock, 7:3O p,m. Sun. Dec. 3 York at Waterloo, 230 pm,

Finals:

(1O)lO. Western Ontario

Future UW games Sat. Dec. 31 Waterloo at Ed Kennedy ISHOF, 2:00 pm

9720481914

Western 8 5 1 2 37 31 12 Brock 944144 529 Guelph 8 4 4 0 40 37 6 Windsor 9 4 5 0 33 33 8 RMC 11 2 9 0 33 74 4 Laurentian 1.1 2 9 0. 35 79 4 East Division sranumgti (as of Nov. 291 GWLT F AI’ York 9 7 1 1 50 2715 9 5 4 0 39 46 10 Ryerson McGill 11 4 5 2 44 36 10 742135319 Ottawa UQTR 10 4 5 1 39 42. 9 Toronto 9 4 5 0 38 43.8 Concordia 9 3 6 0 28 34 .6 Queen’s 9 2 7 0 26 46.4 Sat. Nov. 25 result

514 2 2 0 2 0 Thurs. Nov. 23 result Waterloo 3 Windsor o Fri. Nov. 24 result (at Guelph Invitational) Waterloo 3 Michigan State o (15-2, 15-8, 15-lo) Waterlon 3 Toronto o (15-8, 15-4, 15-5) Ball State 3 Waterloo I

CIAU Men’s Volleyball Rankings (as of Nov. 28) (1) 1. Manitoba Bisons (2) 2, Waterloo Warriors (4) 3. UBC Thunderbirds (3) 4. Sherbrooke Vert et Or (6) 5. Saskatchewan Huskies (9) 6. Lava1 Rouge et Or

Fri. Nov. 24 result Waterloo at U of T Invitational

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SPORTS

Imprint, Friclai, December 1, 1989

Campu.s Ret , Men’s Competitive Basketball Playoff Results

Men’s Competitive Ball Hockey Results

Women’s Competitive Basketball Playoff Results

The long three-week playoff schedule is finally over! Only six number one seeded teams made the eleven Finals and of these, five won their division Championship. The “A” Championship was taken by The Bogbiters, defeating The Wet Goats from Hades 68-58.

by Damien Liu

by Kelly Weppler

Campus Recreation Ball Hockey League ended last week with the term end playoffs. In the B2 Championships, the St. Jerome’s Cdege No Names outlasted the Ungulus to claim the title while in the B1 Championships, I Said A CoId Beer Babe! defeated E2. In the A division matches, the A3 Championship title saw The Rolling Bonhommes beating Dam Good. Meanwhile, the A2 Championship match had Bad Attitude edging out North C and finally, the Al Championship Match had Purple Haze defeating the Chcrlestown Chiefs.

An exciting season of women’s cotipetitive basketball came to a close Nov. 20. The Jammers, undefeated in the regular season, overpowered Barbie and the Rockers by a score of 47-30in the “A” Championship. In the “B” Championship, the Troubleshooters came on strong late in the game, however the power surge was not enough. Renison Rockettes held the lead for a final score of 25-21. Thanks to all who participated and contributed to a successful season. End of the ?erL Wrap-up . What was new in Campus Recreation this term? The tennis bubble at Waterloo Tennis Club was finally erected; now all we need is a properly working heat-

The five “B” Championships were won by Renison Rockets I, Return to B, Phi SIamma Jamma, F-Y-C, and Brazier’s Boys. The five “C” Championships were won by Bad Boys, Runnin’ Rebels, Maytag Repair Men, W-I-SA and 3-Mar-i Weave. Congratulations to the Return to I3 and 3-Man Weave for winning their finals, despite going into the playoffs as underdogs. Good effort!

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Large bright renovated clean furnished room, available Jan 1. Share kitchen and bath. Microwave, no smoking $265. 749-0573. May-August 1990. Room for sublet, Hazel Stre\et; includes sink, cupboards, bed, desk; share washroom and kitchen; private, quiet; $65m/rveek; call Debbie 885-0377 (Toronto 416-251-81361. Available January 1990.

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Townhouse

Condo, Keats and Fischer-Hatlman. Clean, modern decor, furnished. Includes microwave, dishwasher, laundry etc. Available January 1990. Prefer clean and quiet non-smokers. $300/month & utilities. Allan 747-9286; l-524-9058 eveninas. Free food! Live at Notre Dame College for the winter. 5 minutes to anywhere en campus (unless you crawll). Sorry guys, girls only. Call 884-9465/8847325.

Close to UW. Two rooms for rent in four bedroom townhouse. Fully furnished, including dishwasher, washer & dryer. $235 month &‘utitities. Call Wendy 888-0595 or Nick 416-7336324. North York - Two bedroom house, suitable for four people. Semi-furnished. Close to Finch subway. Call Nick - 416-733-6324s

Two rooms available

in four bedroom house for Jan to April. Furnished. 20 minute walk from UW and WLU. Finished ret room, 2 fridges, free cable. REnt $250/month 81 utilities. Call 888-0667.

Co-ops four room fully equipped townhouse Belts Corners/Ottawa; $3OO/room, utilities included. Call Ray Valvasori or Ty Truong. Work# (613) 765-2665, home# (613) 7219626. ’ to sublet room in furnished student townhouse {University and Weber). Microwave, laundry, 2 bathrooms, dishwasher. Call Sue 888-0953, females only. Summer sublet 4 bedroom Columbia Street Townhouse. 10 minute walk to U of W. Rent negotiable. 725-l 233.

Thank you, Wild Duck Cafe and GO Pizza The Campus Centre Record Shop The Campus Shop Apple II Hairstyling McGinnis Landing The Seagram Museum Canada Dry Huckster’s Restaurant Coca Cola Sauc6 Lips Sleeman’s M&on’s Wellington County Brewing Sun Magic Tanning

PERSGNALS Hey Claudette1 You look really sexy in. diapers! Cry if you need changing. Love, the French sports colour-commentator.

Spa

ACCKWA, AIDS Committee of Cambridge, KitchenerIWaterloo and Area is a volunteer organization dedicated to providing education and support for individuals and the community about the

Open 24 Hours 170 University Ave W. Phone: 746-3363 Fax: 746-8017

Last but certainly not least I wish to thank the staff of Imprint for their assistance, friendliness and help (despite having to listen to some pretty awful music sometimes - where do they get that stuff from?). I could not have asked to work for a better sports editor in Rich Nichol. He was great. Thanks a bunch for all your help, everyone.

Winter: $199 plus utilities

-When9 to 5 isn’tlongenough l

it was coming - no one takes abuse with such dignity, thanks for keeping it lively in the office. Peter and Sally were great to w&k for/with, giving me the opportunity to put some of my personality into the programs and articles (though perhaps at times they may have regretted it].

HOUSING AVAILABLE

TYPING

HELP WANTED

FOR SALE

ing system - I just can’t get a good grip on my tennis racquet when wearing my furry rabbit mittens, The First Annual Hardball Tournament was a resounding success, so expect to see more happenings in the hardball [and perhaps carry-over to slo-pitch) scene. Tie end-of-the-term “Open” fitness class was another huge success, with well over 100 fitness buffs participating. I think that this was due in part to the personality of thq fitness instructors, who are both energetic and enthusiastic. My suggestion is that the quality of sound systems be improved to represent the quality of the instructors. What do you think-? Let’s hear it! I would like to thank a number of people at this, the close of the term. Jane Arnem, you did a great job covering the tournamints. Lance Dawson, you knew

From the proceeds of this event we were able to donate $lOO.“* to the Literacy Council of Waterloo. Thank You for Your Support!

Human

hnmunodef

iciency

Virus

(HIV]. We provide an information, referral and counselling hotline: 7418300, Monday to Friday, 1O:OO am. 5:OO pm., 700 pm. - 11 :OO pm. If you would like more information - call us, or drop in to our House, at 886 Queens Blvd., Kitchener. Get the facts about AIDS!

Continued

on page 31

’

Imprint, friday, December 1, 1989

PERSONALS

PERSONALS My “Buddles”. Just a little note of gratitude for: never letting me sleep! Allowing the real “rock queen” to come out, letting me win at pool, do somersaults, and the continuous supply of fun and laughter. But seriously, tonight 1 have to write my journals, do laundry, quit smoking and shave1 With love, your “cheap date”. MavericC: time you surrender to the powers of the moon, and let me offer you all of it’s magic. Times are so F.A.C.O. with you. Moonbeam (Micki, Maude and Munch).

It’s

Online submissions for cover art and poetry/short prose now being accepted for 1989-90 issue in CC 235. “Young Buck” seeks alternative to cold chicken! Seeking to satisfy his fetish for hot lamb chops. Got any recipes? c/o S.A.P./92.

Woody Theme Song...“Add Forgotten

PERSONALS it

up”

Rubbers.

Candidates who have completed

B.A. with an interest in either psychology, education, mental health or visual arts are eligible to enrol in a comprehensive two year training program in art therapy. For further information about training and student workshops, I please contact the: Toronto Art Therapy Institute 216 St. Clair Avenue West, Toronto, Ontario M4V 1 R2 (416) 924-6221.

Hey Bish! How about an R.N.A. or two this weekend. I have an in, literally! We can cover them with Bailey’s Tefecare: 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. We’re an anonymous, confidential telephone distress line. Lonely? Worried? Troubled? Call us 658-6805 (local call). Day or Night!

Woody Law #2. Just have know

something doesn’t h6w to use it.

because mean

you you

Gay male seeks to meet other gay or bi males for social outings, or just to talk. Interests include skiing, sailing, massage and music of all types. Not into club scene. Serious replies only please, Doug 658-3387. Dear Chris: Thank you so much for last night. I’ve never been so hot, wet and tired in my life. Passionately yours forever, your Cyber-Judy. #

LENDAR *. , iul*accilL

.w*-

FRIDAY,

r*.-.

LOST

Cheryl Havenor, I know we’re worlds apart in many ways, I liked you the first day I set eyes on you. Please call mel! @ 1 (824-9424) Mitch. M Yamamoto 54 Knightswood Blvd. Guelph. Ontario N 1 E-3W5.

Watch lost: Gold & black Timex watch

ings call 725

Available 1333.

any even-

lost somewhere between the Math building and parking lot W. If found please call Dirk 725-0715.

Blqck watch -Timex digitgl with large gouges on face. Major sentimental value, low cash value. Some reward value. Please call Andrew 742-6137.

T)ri8 week at the Romper Room, floor waxing, suiphuric acid boat racing, shotgunning aerosol cans and pie wheeling. Gee Woody, it’s been four years. And what do you have to show for it?...teethmarks! CW & Deb. Creature found. Responds to “Masqued Avenger”, is pro-solidarity 81 claims he lives in a Zulu belonging to Meow. Identify him & he’s yours for olives & a thorough seatbelt check,

FOUND Watch wlth tan leather where around security Nov 6. Call 725-0472.

strap somebuilding on

Found Nov. 15 on railroad tracks near Erb street parking lot one black kryptonite lock. If the key fits, its yours. Contact 725-0795.

’

‘~*h,‘~beeLv

DECEMBER

SATURDAY,

DECEMbER

World AIDS Day 1989 - “A Time For

Handel’s ‘Messiah” will be performed

People To Care” - the KW Multicultural Centre Inc. and The AIDS Committee of Cambridge, K-W and Area (ACCKWA), invite you to a MuIti-Cultural Luncheon today between 11 :oO am. and 200 pm. at the Rink in the Park, 99 Seagram Drive. For more information, please call 741-8300.

tonight at 800 pm. and tomorrow at 200 pm. at the Centre-in-the-Square in Kitchener. The K-W Symphony wili be conducted by Howard Dyck. For further information please call 5781570.

UW Orchestra Concert

- tonight at 8:OCI pm. Theatre of the Arts, works of Gluck, Haydn, Schubert, Reinecke and Faure. Bill Janzen is director, tickets are $60° students/seniors $400 at the ‘door.

Phllosophy

Colloquium - on “The Libertarian Idea” by Jan followed by a general Narveson, discussion, today at 2:30pm. in Hagey Hall room 334. Professor George invites all present to his home, 189 Marshall Street, Waterloo for a reception following the colloquium. Graduates of Central Algoma

Secondary School - Alumni Day is Dec. 22nd. Consider playing basketball or cheering your alumni on. Hockey game - Senior Huskies vs Teachers. Social at Desbarats Arena, where there will be a buffet, refreshments and a dance. For more information call Cass at 705-248-2520.

SATURDAY,

PERSONALS

Bean Rodgers:

Pro-Choke over no choice! “Citizens for Choice” is committed to the right of every woman to make rational decisions about her own body and for every child to be a wanted child. For more information write to: Citizens for Choice. P-0. Box 372, Station C, Kitchener N2G 3Y9.

DECEMBER

UW Choral Concert - Chamber Choir, with director Wilbur vayst, Chapel Choir, with director George mebe, and the University Choir with director Robert Shantr. Tonight at 8:00 pm. at the Humanities Theatre. Tickets $600 students/seniors $40° at the door.

Victorian CMstmas Open House for the hearing impaired community, today from 1200 pm. to 400 pm. at Woodside National Historic Site, 528 Wellington N. Kitchener. View a spectacular array of Victorian Christmas decorations displayed throughout the 14 room home. Enjoy a Christmas slide presentation that highlights Christmas in the 1890’s. For more information please call 742-5273. K-W Chamber Music Society presents the Lehigh String Quartet (U.S.1 playing Mozart, Loeffler, Chausson and Bruch. At 8:DOpm. in the KWCMS Mtisic Room, 57 Young St. W., Wafer$1 20°. loo. $1700, students/seniors Tickets at UW Box Office and the door. Reservations call 886- 1673. SUNDAY,

DECEMBER

‘Fredrlck Hagan: Approaching

Exploration”. An exhibition of research material, preliminary studies & designs leading up to the sixteen paintings commissioned by Canada Post for the stamp series “Exploration of Canada”. The artist will atfend the opening reception today at 2:30 pm. at the . Library & Gallery of Cambridge (Gait), 20 Grand Avenue North, Cambridge. For more information, please call l62 1-0460~

MONDAY,

DECEMBER

THURSDAY,

Dr. Douglas McCready, WLU School of Business and Economics, examines “The High Cost of Keeping Canada Kitchener Public Library, Healthy”. 1200 pm. TUESDAY,

DECEMBER

K-W Chamber Music

Society presents the Hammei-Quarringto-Silverman Trio, playing Beethoven, Fiocco, Saraste, Wieniawsky and Bottesini. At 800 pm. in the KWCMS Music Room, 57 Young St. W., Waterloo. $1 70°, students/seniors $1 20°. Tickets at UW Box Off ice and the door. Reservations call 886- 1673. I

WEDNESDAY, Amnesty

DECEMBER

International,

welcomes Christmas (upstairs).

everyone to our annual Party at the Grad House

ing and sending X-Mas cards to prisoners of conscience, Festivities start 7:30 pm. Merry Christmas!

Blood donor clinic today, 1:30 pm. to 8:OO pm. Kitchener Mennonite Brethren Church, 19 Ottawa Street North (between King & Weber). Don’t forget to eat before you donate. Atml user group, KWEST, 8-bit meeting at 700 pm. in MC 3012,3rd floor of the Math 81 Computer Building. Phone 579-3695 for details. Visitors welcome.

DECEMBER

“Eva&man” the St. $ethelwold’s Players present “Everyman”, a medieval morality play. When God commands Death to claim Everyman, he must struggle to prepare himself to meet his Maker, Fellowship, kindred and goods all fall away until finally

TwmsDw,

&EMBER

K-W Chamber Music Society presents: “Merry Christmas from The Gents!” a stylish a Capella all-male vocal sextet. At 8% pm. in the KWCMS Music Room, 57 Young St. W., Waterloo. $1700, students/sen&s $1 20°. Tickets at UW Box Office and the door. Reservations call 8861673.

Everyman turns to good deeds for salvation. This tale of hope in the face of troubling times is presented by Second Year Architecture students in Jim UW Film Society presents: “Svankthe Theatre of the Arts, Modern Lanmajer Retrospective” a selection of guages Building, tonight at 800 pm. this Czech animator’s wor.k, featuring Tickets are $20° and available at the two and three dimensional animation University Box Office. as well as combination of animation with live action. Film startsat 7:ODpm. IJW’s Film Societv oresents: ‘This in the East Campus Hall, room 1219, Sporting Life” a British film about a film society members $20°, others working class youth who becomes a $350. rugby player in a team run by a local industrialist. Film starts at 700 pm+, East Campus Half room 1219, film soSATURDAY, DECEMBER 16 ciety members S20°, others $350.

FRIDAY,

DECENBER

K-W Chamber Music

UW Christmas Pageant tonight in the Humanities Theatre at 7:30 pm. For the whole family, an evening of Carols, skits and mabe...Santal For m-ore information contact WW Box Office at extension 2 126. WEDNEfDIY, Atari

DECEMeER

user group,

KWEST, 1 g-bit meeting at 700 pm. in MC 2009, 2nd floor of the Math 8 Computer Building. Phone 579-3695 for details. Visitors welcome.

Society presents Robert Silverman on Beethoven’s Birthday. At 800 pm. in the KWCHS Music Room, 57 Young St. W., Waterloo, $4ooo reservations essential 886-l 673.

WEDNESDAY,

DECEMBER

St. John’s College

Choir of camEngland, presents a service of Lessons and Carols. They are conducted by Dr. George Guest a$ Kitchener’s Centre-in-the-Square. For more information please call 5781570. bridge, Advent

. b

CALENDAR

ONGOING

0NGOlN.G

..cAt;E~~A@

OF#2OlNG’ l

EVERY MONDAY

EVERY WEDNESDAY

@KZ Choir - The University of Waterloo Jazz Choir meets today and every Monday in Siegfried Hall at 1O:OO pm. All are welcome. For more information about this exciting new organization call David Fisher at 884-6565. The House of Debates meets every Monday at 5:OCIpm. in PHY 313. Come out and debate! New membersalways welcome.

EVERY TUESDAY

Everyone welcome!- Caribbean St u dents Association (CSA) meetings every Tuesday at 5:30 pm. in the CC. room 135.

Peace Society Meeting. meet others working pm. in CampusCentre Tuesday.

Come out and for peace, 4:30 room 1 lOevery

EVERY WEDNESDAY GLLOW (Gays and Lesbians of Waterloo) operates a coffee house every Wednesday in room 1 IO of the Campus Centre at the University of Water100 from 900 to 11 :oO pm. AlI are welcome. Call 884-GLOW for more information.

Femlnlst Discussion

Group. Meets every Wednesday from 700 to 900 pm at Global Community Centre. Topic and group vary weekly so that all women are welcome anytime. For more information call extension 3457 or phone 578-3456.

Laymen’s

Evangelfcal

Fellowship Bible Study. CC 110at 7:30pm. All are welcome. Call 884-5712 for more information.

EVERY Y’HURSDAY

ONGOING EVENTS

FASS writer’s meetings

every Thursday and Sunday at 800 in MC 5045. Help us write our annual musicalcomedy extravaganza, and join in,the fun. Everyone is welcome. The Career Resource Centre will have extended hours on Thursdays; 8:30 am. to 700 pm. Come in and research an employer or a career!

EVERY FRIDAY

Play Go1 Beginners

are invited to Go classes, B.C. Matthews Hall, room 1040. Free admission, regular playing time 7:30 pm, Call 888-4424.

Science Fiction, fantasy, role playing games, tournaments, video nights and discussions about life, the universe and everything: “Watsfic” meets every Wednesday at 6:30 pm. in the clubs room (CC 138). For information call 725-0395 ‘or e-mail watsfic at watcsc. EVERY THURSDAY Womyn’s Group - meets in CC 135 (usually) at 8:30 pm. Come out and enjoy movie nights, educational evenings, dances, road trips and casual discussions. For weekly events call 884-GLOW or listen to 94.5 FM, Thursdays from 6-8 pm.

Do you think you have a drinking problem? Perhaps Alcoholics Anonymous can help. Weekly meetings open to the public held in the Health & - Meeting Room (ask Safety Building receptionist) on Fridays, at 12:30 pm. or call 742-6183.

EVERY SUNDAY Laymen’s Evangelical Fellowship

evW.,

163

University

Apt 321 (MSA) at 700 ’ welcome. Call 884-5712 formation. 0N;OlNO

K-W Access-Ability needs volug+eers for their bi-weekly regularly scheduled programmes for the physically challenged, also for bi-monthly fundraising bingos. For more information please call Chris at 885-6640 between 9:OO am. and 5:OO pm. CanSurmount is a new volutiteer

program training visitors to cancer patients and their family in support and If you have had encouragement. cancer, or have shared the experience with family or friend, and want to help others with cancer, call 886-8888.

ANNOUNCEIYIENTS

ening

service.

at Forest Hill United Church, 121 Westmount Road East, Kitchener N2M 4Y6, Monday, Wednesday and Friday 7:OOpm. to9:OOpm. and Saturday 5:OO pm. to 9:OO pm. Or call us at 743-5481.

Ave.

pm. All are for ‘more in-

EVENTS

El Salvador Information Off ice, where you can get information about the current s&al, political and economic situtation in our country. You can visit us

Cmwadien/Sovlet

Arctic

Expedition!

Youth Challenge International and the Adventure Club of the Soviet Union have established a historic joint venture and are currently recruiting expedition members for this exciting project. Beginning May 25, 1989, an expedition party of ten Canadian students and ten Soviet students, aged 19-25, will travel to the Northern Ural Mountains, hiking across the Ural ‘range from Europe to Asia. They will

ANNQUNCEMEHTS descend in rafts into Western Siberia. In mid-July, the crew will be ,ftown back to Canada, where they will be trained for the Canadian high arctic, of Arctic Bay on Baffin Island. To receive an application and information pack‘age please send a stamped, self-addressed envelope to: Arctic Quest 11 Soho St. Toronto, M5T 126. Application deadline is December 13, 1989.

Co-op Stirdent Essay Contest!

As a co-op student: Are you different? Do you have the leading edge? What are your problems? Length of -essay approximately 1000 words, deadline for submission: January 31, 1990. Return essays to your co-op department. Contest: Submissions now being accepted for the FASS 1990 show poster. For more details, pick upour flyers at the FASS office (H.H. 171) or at the FASS board in the CC.

Nominatlons are requested for the following seat on the University Seby bv-election At mate, to be iilled least ten (10) nominators are required in each case. One (1) full-time undergraduate HKLS student (term to April 30, 1990). Nomination forms and further information are available from the Secretariat at extension 6125. Nominations should be sent to the Chief Returning Officer, Secretariat, Needles Hall, room 3060. no later than 3 pm. Friday; December 8, 1989. An election will follow if necessary.

GENERIC

8088- 1 processor 640K of RAM 360K floppy drive serial/parallel/games port & c-f&k monochrome-card and monitor

1 year warranty

l l l l

S63Qgg

GENERIC 286, 12MHr processor l 640K of RAM l Hi-dens 3.5” or Hi-dens 5.25” floppy drive ~ l 40Mb Hard Disk l 2 serial/l paratIeI/games ports and clock l ATI GRAPHIC SOLUTION l monochrome monitor l 1 year warranty

3QQgg

GENERIC 386SX l l l l l l l l

80386 SX 1 meg of RAM 1.2M floppy drive 40Mb 28ms Hard Disk 2 serial/l parallel port ATI GRAPHIC SOLUTION monochrome monitor 1 year warrmty

GENERIC

80386 CPU running @ a dazzling 25Mhz 1 meg (expanable to 16 meg) . 1.2M floppy disk , l 40 meg 25ms Superfast hard disk + 2 serial/ 1 parallel port l VGA adaptor 81 mono VGA monitor m 3 yea! warranty ,

l l l l l l l l

s2699W STAR’NX PRINTER

LAP-TO

1000

SERIAL

MOUSE

286 system purchase

AAMAZING TECHNOLOGIES l

386/20

80386 CPU @ 20MHz 1 meg (expandable to 16 meg) 1 I2M floppy drive 40 meg 28 ms hard disk 2 serial/ 1 parallel ~ort ATI GRAPHiC SOLCiTION monochrome monitor

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1 year warranty

Qtk 1260

$1 QQgg w/any

QQQ-

FREE X-BIAS-GIFT WITH A SYSTEM PURCHASE.

l 40 MB hard disk . 1.44 MB floppy l 4 expansion slots l MS-DOS- 3.30 l 11” Oiagonal EGA D l 12MHz 80286

$36999”

80286 @ 12Ml-b

1.44M or 1.2M floppy

40 meg 3i0 ms Fujitsu

hard disk (most reliable)

GENERiC VGA ADAPTOR

serial/l

parallel

port

. VGA adaptor & mono monitor l 3 year warranty

MULTISYNC MONITOR up to 1024x768 o.28mm dot pitch

with ATI VGA Wonder & Mouse

CARDINAL 2400 External Modem

HARD a la CARD l

meg

plug& playfor XTCloil8S

&Model30

PC FACTORY 170 University

for XT clones & Model 30’s

Ave. W., (University Shops Plaza II) Waterloo fax: 747-0932 ml: 746-4565

OPERATING HOURS: 10 srn - 6 I

pm. Man - Wad; 10 am - 8 pm, Thurs 6 Fri; 10 am - 4 pm, Sat. .h

’