2004-05_v27_no10_Imprint by Editor Imprint

UNIVERSITY OF WATERLOO STUDENT NEWSPAPER

Best-selling author and TV personalilty speaks at UW

SEPTEMBER 24, 2004

VOL 27, NO 10

IMPRINT. UWATERLOO.CA

Tough break for Forde

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Laura Katsirdakis EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

Irshad Manji, a 33-year-old Canadian who has raised eyebrows with a best selling book and several provocative television shows, visited UW last Monday to give a speech. Manjiis no srrangerto controversy, so when the questions starting coming after her speech she stood her ground. After the release ofher book, The T roubleWithlslam,shereceivedseveraldeath threats. The conflict between her status as a Muslim and alesbian--'-the subject of her book, which called for change in Islam - has no doubt ru:ffled,quite a few feathers. In an interview prior to her speech, ~abletotalktoM:anjione-Qn-one.

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discussion we realized th~t there are so many common valUâ&#x201A;ŹS that we have (a love of pluralism, an appreciation of the universality of human rights and so forth) that really it was the inspiration for coming up with this [speech]. For all of the support and love and affection that I'm hearing from Muslims around the world (and it is a lot) there was also a lot of anger as a result of the book. Here is this very rational, proudly Muslim, proudly Arab woman who works in'] erusalem, who is one of the main organizers of world pride and she led me to realize that there is a real opportunity to bring some of my perspectives from having been to Israel and the West Bank and Gaza, to bear to show students-at-large thatitdoesrrt haVe to be a bla.ckand white situation. In fact, to tty and paintIsr.ael as a black and white situation is really to miss out

'~~~m~O:o~=:!~~~~-:~ ~~S:~~!1r~!s~~comes first. I'm going to be discussI am not here to be pro-Israel and ing, from a very personal perspective, anti-Palestine. I am a full-fledged suphow these three issues work their way porter of a two-state solution. I wam into appreciating the diversity that ex- an independent Palestine alongside an ists in Israel. I independent and thinkit'sreallyimsecurelsrael There pottant that a is nothing unrea"lam not here to sonableaboutthat Muslim who has position. The reabeen to Israel and be pro-Israel and the occupied terrison I think it's so tories comes back anti-Palestine. I am important to reach out to students in with some very a full-fledged particular is that honest observations about what supporter of a two- campuses are hashe has seen, what vens of idealism. state solution." she has been imYou're not going -Irshad Manji, to fmd too many pressed by, what Best-selling author people on campus she has troubles with and how all who disagree with the universality of of this may influhuman rights. ence a new starting point for assessing the whole That's a very very important starting point. Arab/Israeli situation. It's important to also show how As you know, I'm openly gay and one of the things that I'm going to be appreciating the diversity that exists in bringing to the attention of the audi- Israelis part of supportingtheuniverenceis that next year in Jerusalem-a salit:yofhumanrights.Itdoesn'tmean city that has an ultra orthodox, anti-gay having to ,support the occupation. I mayor - nonetheless, there will be certainly don't support the occupaone of history's largest gay and lesbian tion; I call for an end to the occupation. pride parades, called World Pride 2005, But the fact is that there are two occupations going on simultaneously, Love without Borders. and you won't hear about the second That's remarkable. It is remarkable, all the more so one often. First, ofcourse,is the military because this is the crossroads of the occupation. That being said, the second world's three monotheisms. What's is the ideological occupation ofthe Paleven more remarkable, in my view, is estinian people by their own leadership. the way I found out about it. An Arab Can you elaborate on this idea? Muslim woman who runs one of the Most people don't realize :that for programs at the queer drop-in centres the last 60-plus years there ha~e been in Jerusalem got in touch with me to proposals upon proposals for an indeask if! would be able to bring a delega- pendent Palestinian state. tion or two of Canadian gays and lesSee MANJI, page 4 bians to this. In the course of our

ADAM MCGUIRE

Ian Forde, the 2003 QUA first-team all-star kick returner, watches from the sidelines as his Warrior football teammates practise on Wednesday evening. Forde broke his fibula on a convert attempt in the Warriors weekend loss to York. For full football coverage, see page 24.

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FRIDAY. SEPTEMBER 24, 2004

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Hot ,topic MalJI makes ber ••lIt -pa.e4

news@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

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willget involved." IMPRINT STAFF Yip aspires to follow L4P's record offacilitating discussion groups, setting up booths to raise A new club has sprouted up at the University of' awareness of the horrors ofwar, participating in Waterloo. Their main goal: the pursuit ofpeace. marches, etc. She feels thatLaurier has set agood The group, which has yet to be registered example for Waterloo students to follow, and under.Waterloo Public Interest Research Group' believes that "the presence of a UW group will (wpIRG), was formed as a response to the revive interest and action on our campus.' success ofLaurier 4Peace (lAP), a parallelgroup "WID and UW are blocks from each other in operating at Wilfrid Laurier University. a bus.y city, and.yet we seem so isolated," she Janet Yip, the founder of the upstart movecontinued. ''With goals of furthering a global ment, has high hopes that the association can issue such as peace, and raising interest and work alongside other WPIRG groups active in . awareness, it seems natural that there would be the peace movement-such as Amnesty Intera strong link to the community~" national--;-to coordinate local efforts to oppose One immediate project for UW's peace activvarious wars. ists will be participating in the October 2 "Na"The main focus will be to share resources tionalDayofProtest" against the United States' and work with WLU and the local community," "Star Wars" Ballistic Missile D~(ence plan. said Yip: "I would be very happy to work with The controversial scheme is being considered [other local peace groups]. for implementation by the federal Liberal govUnlike LAP, which was started up specifically emment, and even though the issue has not to oppose the US-led invasion ofIraq, the UW garnered much media attention south of the version will be promoting peace in general. border during their present "I personally feel that most wars happerung eleqioncampaign, today should not be happening," Yip said. "The numeous peace groups Iraqwarseemstobewindingdown,butthereare from across 'North 'international protest days' which we can utilize America plan to mount to inform people of what is going on [m Iraq]." strong resistence to the Lobbying efforts by L4P resulted in WLU militaryplan. being declared officially "anti-war". and the 4This \\'eek, the group is fOCUlSseG week-long 24-hour-a-dar 'peace camp' on the on promoting an event to be held on frontlawp.9~Uwl¥~):1attr~l(;U;~Qlanyp<;opl~ '. Paul Mar-

religious affiliation, they respect the integrity and Mark Stratford hard work of this particular group and encourage IMPRINT STAFF everyone to come out and hear Mr. V riesinga's words. The evening will be presented by Laurier 4 Universities/Colleges Peace,LS4PIRG (the WLU version ofWPIRG), The.Arts and Science Students' Union at the andWLU's Global Studies Department. Aliare University of Toronto has shocked some stu-. welcome, and it starts at 7:30 p.m.: There is no cost, although donations. to Christian Peace-, dents by what was intended as a joke on the back . oftheir recent Anti-Calendar, ahumourbus yearly maker Teams are greatly appreciated. If anyone is interested in joining the new write-up ofAS courses. The back features a fake personal ad in which former ASSU president peace club at UW, please contact Janet Yip at Ranjini Ghosh appears in a sari with text requestranefatale@g,tnail.com. For more information ing a man to marry her and take her out of theon Friday's speaker at WLU, please inquire to countrY, with her younger brother offered as a laurier4peace@yahoo.ca. dowry. The ASSU swears they believed most mjohnson@imprint.uwaterloo,ca- students would see it as a joke, but now understand how some students - particularly female or South Asian students - could take offence. CurrentASSU president PaulBretscher has promised such jokes will not appear in future AntiCalendars.

The evening ",-ill fearure speaker Ste\vart Y riesinga, who comes to Waterloo from Christian PeacemakerTeams. V riesinga will be speaking about his re<;ent trip to Iraq and what needs to be done to achieye freedom, justice and dignity for theIraqi people. Althoug?, the campus peace groups have no

lives.. Unfortunately, the donanon rate in Canada has steadily declined nonetheless; ten per cent of hearts used jn transplants, come from the US. The decline affects children most ofall, since child deaths rates are relatively low and organ donations are rarely av~able. Three hundred and seventy five Canadians died while on heart transplant waiting lists between 1993 and 2003.

Mark Johnson

Canada

A new report from the Canadian Institute for Health Information finds that a ~hortage of Canadians donating vit;al organs is spelling dis- . aster for more and more patients on waitingl.ists. In the basuen yean" the introduction of stto~\ . .. md the gteater utilization of .. have allowed those ac-

-. mtn \*&f!",,,.,lil~Yt5nltnUhltY,~a~"v,, tffiufitf.~~mfim]1.itJnd;'tJ'iMM~.ft?Y!it);11ti_ extremely successful Yip hopes to see UW's peace group match the accomplishments of their Laurier counterparts. "As L4P has demonstrated, I believe that many people - students, staff, community members - are interested in social issues," she said. ''IF there is an active group leading campaigns, they

GRAPHIC BY: ANTHONY LODI

St. Paul's· ~pens graduate housing Apartments allow graduate students flexibility, convenience . Kate Cook SPECIAL TO IMPRINT

"On the whole, this is an A-plus facility," said Joe Nethery, the graduate residence life coordinator of the new graduate residence at St. Paul's United College. The official opening of the building, which took eight months to build, was on Thursday, September 23. The building offers accommod~tion to graduate, doctoral, and postdoctoral students, as well as visiting professors and their family members. The multi-purpose building offers one and two-bedroom apartments, two and three~bedroom suites, conference rooms, and ten single hotel rooms. Paul Koop, director of residences and facilities, said the decision to create a graduate residence was made "to ftll a need and assist the university'S graduate school program." According to St. Paul's Web site, all of the units have been rented out for the fall and winter terms. ''What makes .this graduate residence unique is the proximity 'to campus - thatis' the biggest' draw to the building," said Koop. Andrew (who declined to give his last name) and his wife Tiffany, who is doing her masters in environmental studies, rent a one-bedroom

apartment. They said the proximity to campus ternational students. "We do n()twant this building to be like an played a large role in deciding to live in the new . building. apartment. We want neighbours to know each ''We only have one car. And ifwe were living other and encourage this through programs and activities." off campus, getting to work would be a more However, like all new projects, there are complicated thing. But at this residence, in,the things that still need to be tweaked. Duringthe five minutes it takes me to walk to the car, flrstweek the building was open, not all of the tenants had working phone, Internet, and cable connections. With construction still going on outside, there has been the occasional incident ''It'7s about as where a cable has been cut. There are also some diverse a student [liv;. areas of the building tliat are not completely finished, such as walls that need to be painted. ing] situation [as] you "It was a, slow start,"'said Andrew, "but can get," everything is starting to come together." - -'Joe Nethery, graduate student Koop said'that the construction should be life coordinator done by the ~nd of this month andthat "unfortunately, construction schedules don't always meet up with academic schedules." The construction aside, the tenants seem Tiffany is in her office. The convenience is really nice," said Andrew. happy with the building. The residence is filled with people from all "My favourite part of this building is the patio," Nethery said. There is a large rooftop walks of life who are continuing their postsecondary education. . patio on the fourth floor with an amazing view that is available to all residents. "It's about as diverse a student [living] "What is really beautiful is the south view situation [as] you can get," Nethery said. "There [which overlooks Conrad Grebel]. I could stay are younger people, older people, newlyweds, families with small children: Canadian and inup there and look at a view like that forever."

The nomination of a Tory candidate in Edmonton's Gold Bar riding has been upheld by Alberta Progressive Conservative Party officials despite the accounts of several witnesses who claim they saw the candidate offer citizens free liquor, cigarettes and Tory memberships in exchange for their votes. Several eye-witness accounts reveal tha.t real estate agenHumed-elect· hopeful Sukhi Randhawa picked up townspeople fl;bm seedy local hotels in ~ van and bribed them to vote at the September 14 meeting, but party officials say that their own investigation his found that no voting rules were violated. 'Running mate Donald Butlin described it as "an embarrassing thing" that a new vote sans Randhawa has not been announced. International

The govet:Ullent of Sweden has decided to take action in light of a new survey, which fmds that 40 per cent of Swedes feel itis acceptable to play hookey from work ifyou feel tired or just do not feel like getting along with co-workers that day. Officials in Sweden - a nation where one of .the biggest expenditures in recent years has, become sick leave and disability costs - said last weekthattheyplarttolaunchanationalcampaign on th~ proper use of sick leave benefits. In Sweden, ·the elllployer pays for the flrst three weeks of an employee's sick leave and an employee can be absent for seven' days before requiring a doctor's certificate. mstratford@imprint·uwaterloo.ca

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 24; 2004

Global stability atrisk Sasha Gutfraind fOREIGN MATTERS' Everwondered why there are so many TV ads dealing with debt? There are tons ofthose ads: "refinance your debt, into one10w monthly payment," or "Get our credit card with a low introductoryrate;" Here's another puzzling fact: Canadiaflchannclsseemnottocarrythose ads as much as American ones. Fo,r , sometimenow,smallgroupsofeconomists have been discussing a horrible scenario: a sudden global recession. They have three major concerns, one of which pertains to American consumers and businesses. Currently, America sends overseas ab01it US $600 billion more than it takes in. This "current account deficit" is

Manji: stirs emotions among UWstudents

, a;bout thesize~filieentire Canadian fall. Ifit falls rapidly, the American economicenginecouldpDtentiallytakeother . economy. Much of this spending is financed through loans and credit economies along with it. Millions of cards. Thus, it's not surprising that people in Canada"Europe, China and TV ads offer ways to make debt elsewhere would lose their jobs. A fallin cheaper., the US dollar would also make oil prices The second reason for concern in the U.S. even more expensive. The is American budget deficits. ' engine ofglobal economic trade would' The Bush administration has literally run out of gas. increased military expenditures and China is a major concern to mack unsustainabll! tax cuts. The economists - it has been growing , US government now spends nearly • too fast for too long. Since the early US $500 billion more than it earns. 1990s it has been an example of the Tax cuts and budgetS'a~ficits are prosperity capitalism (even in modjustified as a way of ~estoring ecoerate atrlounts of it) can bring. For' nomic growth. However, while the example, this year the economy, economy has started growing there would grpW-By about 10 per cent. is no prospect of a balanced budget However, no country in the in the future. Such policies hate many world can grow at such a rate for a . detrimental effects. For example, inlong time. The main problem is misplaced expectations. 'People stap . vestors stop believing in the healtn of the Am~rican economy and do thinking rationally if everything not buy American assets. grows rapidly and reliably. There a~e Under healthy capitalism, those two billions sitting in worthless Chinese , deficits would cause the US dollarto fall real estate investments. in value, (and Euras and loonies to Opinions differ, but it is probstrengthen). This triggers a series ofecoable that China could suffer a severe nomic and political changes thatrestore . recession within the next five years. me balance. However, under current ' The good news for students is conditions the dollar has a long way to that universities are one of the most economically sheltered spots you can , find. Courses, clubs and parties ~ould continue even if the world economy , suffers severe job losses. However, jobs might be hard to find for those in co-op or graduating soon. Luckily, many economists around the world are working hard to prevent what I have described. Our prosperity here depends on those bean counters succeeding.

Thursday Night SUSHI BES

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Continued from cover

is openly lesbian, who is constandy reconcilingthesemanyfacets ofmysdfand bringing this struggle to bear on wider society (because this is a pluralistic society

From tht; 1938-1939 Peel CommissionreportingfromBritain, to the 19471948 UN partition plan, to 1,967 when whereth~aremanycontradiCtionsand Israel offered to mak,e territorial concestensions among people), to be able to sions to.the Palestine people and the say that I can be all of these things at ArableaguemeetinginAfricaatthetime once ... and stillhaveintegrity, thatiswhy issued its famous three nos-no negoI defend diversity. Butinordertodefend tiations, no recognition, no peace with diversity that means I have to defend it Israel-to thelatestOslo peace process: everywhere it exists and that includes Not only have all of those proposals Israel. been rejected (and somewould saygood, l' am not interested in ideological theywerelousyproposais) but here's the slug-fests. I think that that reduces peokicker, They haveall been rejected withpIe, it simplifies issues, it demeans it and out ever consulting the Palestinian peofrankly it turns very complicated issues ple themselves. And this is part ofwhat into black and white affairs and that I mean by the ideologicalocrupation of means that we're missing out on major the Palestinian people. pieces ofthe story. I'm not comfortable 1 am So much for justice that I with that, because thatmeans.you'renot willing to speak up against the Palestinbeing honest, that means you're not ianleadetshipin addition to speaking up telling the truth in all ofits messyglory.. .I againstthelsraeligovemmentto ensure defend the f],awed, imperfect pluralism that people realize there is shared culpaofIsrae1. bilityhere. Question period elicits mixed While we are also recognizing that, emotions let's recognize thatIsrael has a human Manji's presentation, which wasprorights record second to none in the tected byamodestpolicepresence, drew Middle East. That this is a country alargecrowd,andmanyspectatorswaited that is multi-ethnic, multi-racial, afterwards to ask her questions. multi~faith;' in this country you have Ida Thibep, amemberorows Stufreedom of expression epitomized dents for PalestiniariRights, askedManji by a- tagingly free press, you have why Israel was beingusedas an example freedom ofreligion, mosques all over ofdiversitywhenitrefusedtoletThibeh's the place, Muslims allowed to pray Palestinian grandparents return to their openly and visibly in full public vie:w. : ..•~::" .. i,+,:;;_~~.".". homeland... , • .r .. ' You have ct:iltural diversity to theIillt "I felf [ManjiJ dismissed my question," said Thibeh. "She said a lot of and this is the only country in the people left oftheir own accord. Yes [my Middle East that has an f!.nnual gay , grandmother] left, when her farm was and lesbian pride par~de. These should ndt be incidental isbumed down and she began to worry about her eight children." . sues fplhosecof us who support huThibeh added that since Manji is man'rights. Why is it that so many such a strong speaker she was able to people are silent about this? Why aren't intimidate those who were asking her we willing to give Israel its due and questions. recognize that Muslim countries have a , WhenEstherMendclsohn, thepresilot to l~am from the diversity that aldent of the Israeli Public Affairs Com~eady exists within Israel. Whenyou think o/Israelyou can't help mittee at the University of Guelph, thanked Manji for her candour before but think o/the Palestinians. Whenyotl talk about Israel and human rights, a lot o/people asking a question, Manji responded by can'thelpbutwonejer:whataboutthePalestinnoting, ''YouareweatinganIsraeliflagians who ~re treated as second class citiifns (at you realize there is a probiem with your . credibility." best)? '''Ihere are much stronger examples I acknowledge that critics of Israel make some very goodpoints,including ofdiversityinlsrae~" saidAmirAli,a2A the fact that too often Arab citizens of' software engineering student, asking why Manji chose this example to speak Israel are treated as second class. I have about. beentoArabeastJerusalem,Ihaveseen ''1 am very pleased with the way the the~bage strewn on the streets,I have seen the lackofmunicipal services, I have talk went over. This was a great opporseen how difficult it is to register Arab , tunitjforpeople not only to leamabout Israel but to really seethe diversity in ne~boms for health insurance and so Israeland thepush for discourse that our on"even though their parents pay taxes like everybody else. I seethatdiscriminaclub puts forward," said Tom tion. CherVmsky, president of the Waterloo How do you reconcile that [with your Israel Public Affairs Club. WIPAC cosponsored the event along with The praisefor Israel andit£ diversifY}? , Honesty demands that I acknowlWomyn'sCentre, Gays andLesbmnsof Waterloo, Random House and National edge that this happens, but I'll tell you Campus Jewish Life. whatelseitdemands:thatwerecogruze ''1twas very nice to hear aside of the that Arab citizens ofIsrael, no less than stotynotoftenheard.Wewereabletosee Jewish citizens, have access to an indeboth sides of theissue and make up our pendent judiciary where they can take own minds," said Tamir Bar-Haim, their grievances and they can win. Noothercountryin thelYIiddle East president ofLaurier's.Israel Public Affairs Club. has an independent judiciary... and an independent judiciaryis thecomerstone editor@imprint.uwaterloo.ca ofjustice. For more 0/Ma'!ii's perspectives., see next Coming from somebody like me week's Features section who is a feminist, who is a Muslim, who

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FRIDAY. SEPTEMBER 24, 2004

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Bring on the bus"! might use for additional parking lots sits on north campus, well away from the main campus. In addition, gov: ernment funding formulae and fundraising campaigns rarely provide , for parking facilities. It is far more glamorotis to fund an electron microscope then several hundred more parking spots. This means that any cost for As anyone with a car on campus thl:!se parking spaces must be paid for by days knows, parking is near impossiparking fees; this is by no means palble unless you're early. Parking Servatable. ices has erroneously calculated that The Federation of Students has expressed its displeasure at the situathey could oversell the number of tion and indiviqual students have exparking sPOts by 65 per cent. As the days progressed, students looked enEressed their disgust, but,the fact remains that the nUmber of existing vio1;lslyat the empty staffparkinglots while they fumed in line, or cruised the parking spaces will only shrink over designated student lots hoping for time. The 1,lniversity must ftpd an parking spots. alternative for staff and students. Where did all the students with At rpe same time, Grand,River cars come from? Under the new parkT ransitis boosting its ievel,of service ingpolicy, Parking Services was able to to the University of Waterloo. The 101 Express was added last year, route . sell more parking passes to students without significantly increasing the 13 was expanded this year and plans numbertJfparkingspots. W~ethis are underWay to add a new 33 km J;TIight seem irresponsible, it is in fact north-south express bus route. This route will run between the Ainslie indicative of what will happen in the future. ,Though the University of Street terminal in Cambridge and Waterloo will likely not be growing '. Conestoga Mall in Waterloo via masignificantly in population, the jor route generators including UW. number of parking spots will shrink It's time for the university to get.on as the university searches for mdre board. space. ' For several years vague proposals Immediate plans in the future call have gone back and forth abOutiInple, for several buildings to be placed in menting a type of universal bus pass Lot A as well as Lot B. These lots are for students. The simplest solution

Neal Moogk-Soulis THIS IS YDIR WIRlH

that would allow them to use their student card to l?oard a bus. Student council and the Feds executive have tried negotiating with GRTin recent years but with little s~ccess. It's time for the administration to get involved. It's time for UW, WLU and Conestoga College to band together and to work out a deal with GRT. ,Collectively these threeinstituti0ns have a population of over 40,000 fulltime students and staff. The current three-monthunivetsitybuspas$costs $139. Universal student bus pass fees have been bandied about ranging be~ tween $50 and $150 for a term. Since more university students would be purchasing a bus pass than currently are, it is CQnceivable that a term bus pass would be on the lower end of the price range. U sing their collective buyingpower, UW, WLU and Conestoga College could use their fees as a means of investing in GRT. If 40,000 bus passes weresoldatthelowerpriceof$50for foUr months, GRT" would net approximately two million dollars per term. By pumpmg in more than five. million dollars ayear, the three postsecondary ins,titutions would be in a' position to reasonably request changes to bus routing and the addition of buses to existing routes in order to reduce 'our dependence on parking lots and cars. ,,"'e are at the point thatwe have no

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pay a mandatory fee

nmoogksoulis@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Arts Student Union gets underway growing in, popularity over th,e last three terms," noted ths! society's newlyelected president Andrea Senchyna. «We're really happy ~th· how things , Attendance admittedly may not have are going this year." been as high as expected, but the Arts Various ASU executive members Student Union waded its way through also spoke to the council.]uanAburt<?, their first meeting ofthe academic year this year's VPsocial for the A~U, exWithout encountering llflY major difficulties. ' , tended an hIteresting opportunity to. those present. The Arts Student Union, which Students interested in this opporis a council for students in arts tunity "get to hang out With the dean UW'slargestfaculty-holds bi-weekly meetings in the fall and winter terms' and make some pretty cool friends," said Aburto, speaking of the opportuto deal with issues and proposal~ from nity to become a member o(the Fedits plethora of member organizations. Chaired by ASU's executive vice-' eration Orientation Committee (FOC) - the group resporisible for organizpresidenfStephanie Wpodburn, ,the ing UW's orientation weel<:. ASU's handful ofexecutive members Making light ofthe unusual title held , interact with representatives of the by the volunteers of this campus comdozen or so program-oriented sociemittee, FOC, Aburto noted that arts ·ties that are active ,in a given term. historically has difficulties involving a Some societies, such as political "shortageofFOCs"inrecentyearswhere science psychology, have had rela"most faculties get foUr FOCs, whilearts tively slow starts this fall as students usually only gets two." settle back into their academic routines. The arts faculty is looking for more " For example, psychsqc president than the usual number of applicants Rhiannon MacDonnell noted that alto arts' orientation committee this though psychsoc has held successfUl orientation events for new psych stu- ' year, because, as Aburto noted, "ifyou have more FOCs, the work is going to dents and has been successfulrecruiting be thatmucn easier." Interested applimembership forsomecommittees, they cants shouldapply at the Arts Student still are actively looking for volunteers Union office in the Arts Lecture Hall. to round out their numbers. In an interview after ili'e council Other groups, such as UW's Ecomeeting, ASUpresident Howie Bender nomics Society, have already elected noted that he was looking forward to members to all positions and are the coming year. . moving along quickly. , 'Tm looking forward to the arts "The econ society has really been

Andrew Dilts IMPRINTSTAFF

fottnal, the ~ ball, and the other regularASUevents. We're going to be spicingitup forthey~arahead, though, and looking for some new blood." Vice-presideI].t Woodburn agreed, with Bender, noting, ''I'm looking. forward to a year ahead ofthe best of ou,r past events, as well as lots of new events." She includes as one ofher top priorities for the year keepingflrst-year students better informed ahout the activities of the ASU.

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FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 2004

Tune in to Saturday's "boom~' at Laurier Christine loureiro and Mark Johnson IMPRINT STAFF

Quiz Bowl coming up at UW Saturday, Oerober 2 will see Watbowl IV, an event hosted by the UniversityofWaterloo's Quiz Bowl Club. This intramuial trivia tournament. will be running from noon till 6 p.m. in the MC building. Teams may register bye-mailing quizbowl@Watserv1.uwatttioo.ca, The deadline is Friday, October 1at noon. "

The event is being organized by UW Aborigiwill be taking place at, University Stadium. In, nalStudentServicesandSUNDANCe,agroupof ,addition to being a fun time;the Kidney Founda- " community representatives from,Kitchen~-Wa tion also hopes 'to raise awareness about organ terloo, Cambridge and Guelph. donation with the unusu~ stunt. Admission to the event is $5, with proceeds funding bursaries for Aboriginal students at UW, Kryptonite: 0, Bic·Pen: 1 the University of Guelph and Wilfrid Laurier Frequent cyclists have been rushing to their sports equipment suppliers over the last couple of University: days amid reports that the best-sellipg Kryptonite bike locks are vulnerable to_the non-writing end of Tourism lectures at'UW UW's Departments ofGeographyandRecreaaBicpen. tion and Leisure Studies invite students to attend . The locks have been produced for more than 30 years and are one,of the}.ndustry's best sellers, . their 2004s~ssion. The lectures will feature experts according to bike'shop owners. ' " from Canada and abroad discussingcurrentissues in tourism. V ancouvercourierTony Burtner, who looked Qn Fridays between September 24ll:fld Nofor an Internetvideo for evidence of the security vember 26, students can listen to speeches on flaw, told CBC News, ''1 tried it and it took me Tourism and Communism in Cuba, Sus~able longer to get the end off the pen than it did to Aboriginal Tourism in Canada, Tourism' in tinlock my bike." Mexico, Eco-tetrorisminA.frica and Charting the The Kryptonite lock company Tourists'Travels. This Friday's session, presented (www.kryptonitelockcom) has said that it will offer a sizeable rebate for consumers who pur- ,by UW's Jennifer Lypes, is "From Moto~s to Morsels: the Environmental Commitment of chased their popular U-shaped lock more tj:lan ScandmavianAirlines." two years ago and provide a free upgrade to recent Alliecturesare heldinPAS 1229 at9:30a.m.For buyers. additionaliilfo, visit www. fes.uwaterloo.ca/fac'uity/tourism or contact M¥ion Brown at 519UW celebrates Aboriginal culture 888-4567 ext 6574. St Paul's United ~ollegewill welcome newand

The training program is focused on training for different sect6rs, from service delivery to store operations, IJibourscheduling and fin~ce. Trainees will also learn how to run The Bay, Home Outfitt~rs, and Zellers oudets. Accordingto HBC, trainees will receive in~store training, job assignments, qngomg feedback and presentations and coachirig sessions from HBC's senior management team, including HBC CEO George Heller. ' HBC is undergOing a recruitment campaign for next year's program. For more information on the ptogram.visitwww.hbc.com/hbc/careers/ hbc/ campus.

Waterloo man' continues in tradition of generosity . It seems that UW has once again benefited fromthe generosity ofa local citizen -developer Paul Tuerr has given the Waterloo Centre for German Studies a gift of $,500,000. BigFart to "pass" by WlU The German immigrant graduated with de~ . On Saturday, September 25, thousands of grees in engineering and architecture from the footbill fans at Wilfrid Laurier University will be of Stuttgart in 1947 and over the past. University asked to take a seat - simultaneously. 50 years has developed over 1,000 acres worth of . In an unusual way to godown in history, WLU housing and industry in the Region ofWaterloo. will attempt to break the world record forpeople The Centre for German Studies focuses on sitting on whoope,e cushions in ~on. teaching and research in the German language as Organizers are expecting a turnout oftoughly well as providing awareness of the nch local Ger7,000, and want everyone in atr<!fidan,ce to park man culture. The centre also holds conferences their buns on whoopee cushions to' create a returningAboriginal students this Saturday with laurier grads to make career of working and lectures,producespu!;Jlicationsfor scholars gigantic and harmonious '~disturbance." its first powwow. Accordingte> UW's DailY Bulleand community members alike and, supports lin, ;drutilmers, singers and dancers will greet af the mall" If successful, wtuwill>takea place in the When the Hudson's BayCompany:setup their archiving ofspecialized materials. ' Guinness Book ofW'Or/d Records as they break; the students in'this celebration of the First Nations Sinc~ its founding in May, the centre has becurrentwhoopee cushion record oH ,372 held by culture which organizers hope will become an " NationalManagementTrainee Program this year to attract more people into the increasingly ~ompetiC91l).e one of the three IfiajorGemian-Can~dian/ ' ,annual event at university campuses across Ngrth GJ;ellt Britain. tive. Canadian retail industry, they attracted two German-American research and teaching centres America. ' Students at both schools are encouraged to go WJ1fri~ Laurier University grads into their folds. in North America. ,and cheer oh die Laurier G9lden Haw~ this Accordingto UWAbOriginaleducationalcoun- '. RyariBrezand:MatkBare.q:p~dy,in1;hc:;,,! >.i:l:£cierrwas q~.~IJ,w,.1W:~~~,,,. 'Satlirday. Haniiltonians~tiIiiflgwith the Visit- sello'tJ~ei, thepowwowisopenroall, both 12-to-l8 month program, which also hopes to, dinner on September 15,2004. ' ingMcMasterMarauders, will also have the chance ' native and non-native, as a fo~ for many the perceptio~ ~tr~tailis only a job, llD;d . change to participate in, the sitting. . different nations to gadier in celebration of our . Engineering dean favourable to onlin~ ~otacareer.. , relationships and of life. The ''blast'' will occurathalftimt:;andthegame ,collrse evaluations Ever wish you could see what previous students thought about the engineering pr~fessor you have next term? Well, thanks to engineering de~ Add Sedra, this could soon become possible for one ofUW's faculties. Federation ofStudents Vice Presidenteduca. cion Jeff Henry told Students' Council on $ep-. t,ember 19, "Adel Sedrais willing to illow course evaluations to be published';:>nline. "~del is a big figure on this campus and ifhe apRroves [this] proposal it co~d putpres~ure on other deans," conti.Qued+lenry.· Raymond Gillis,Feds academic commissioner in 2()03~ ,had promised to have co~rse evaluationsin ill,faculn~s published, a "goal that has eluded the Federation ofStudentsfor a number of years," according to the January 3, 2003 issue of Imprint: Hard,copies of course evaluations are currendy available in the math and engineering student society offic!,;s'. Critics have argued that course evaluatiolls should remain confidential to protect the privacy of the course instructor. Ryan O'Connor, Feds vice-presidenteducation in 2002-2003, supported the initiative, saying, ''1t's important f6r students to see how their peers judge course content and instructors, so that they may make wiser, more informed choices ,about die courses they wish to take." Sedra's former home was the engineering: departnientatdie University ofToronto, where hewas aprofessorand former provo~t; and also ,where the Arts and Science Students' Union' publishes an annual Anti-Calendar. Engineering Co-op Councillor Jonathan Fishbein said die engineering society will statt work on a proposal to get course evaluations online, and hopes it will be ready by the end of ·theterm. cloureiro@imprint.uwaterloo.ca mjohnsori@imprintuwaterloo.ca

F.RID~Y~SEPTEMBER 24, 2004

Imprint j.<; published by Imprint Publications StudentLifeCentre 1116 UmversityofWaterloo Waterloo,ON N2L 3Gl·

Why a vagina will never hoe a penis cutting,important nerves and possibly WhenRos~ Basson, an obstetrician-gynecologistlt UBC,suggested , causiogpennanentdamage-ineffect, cutt0g blind; the topic of study, Penhale and those Howdiddoctors conduct such surwho funded the research were astongery?The stand~d practice was to use ished to learn this research had never been'clone before. itiformation about the nervepathways in' the penis, which have been'docu~' * ''It' is not surprising that this rel mented in medical textbooks for years search has n.otbeen done-asawomSo you wanna know why I call myself and ass1J1llethe nerves will oethesarrie en'shealtlJ.r~seatcherlknowtherehas a feminist? Here's why; for women. . been so little !t!s~'done on women's health,", said Beverly Uepert, the Until the year 2004, when surgery. ' Let me say this sloklxand clearly: a .was done on' the female genital area, , . vagina is nota penis; The two are very Ontario women's health council chait there' was no information ·about· the cllfferent, as most of us shOwdknow. ' in rural wom~n's. health, '. riet:'Ve pathways that ru:titbroughthe .Begi.nningiri2000;ShonaPenhale, To illustrate her statement, Ilepert . vagina for surgeons to rely on. . a University ofBfitishColumbia mas~ offeted~example.Whehbreastcancer .;~s cla.r.ify what this· meant to a ters s1:ulient,embarkedon thetas!.tof research was initially done, it was be~undergoinga procedureIlkea' mapping ouftbenerves'that"fun· lieved thatwomen'shoD:nones (which hysferectomyorcystremovalDOCtOrs throUgh thev~ and surroUnding we all know rUn rampant on aregulat had no way. of knowing if .they were tissues. basis) would interfere, so. the research

UTI GO, 'lUI 'INGlE

~as only done on men., Ca.nadia1i universities. and I think I When funding bodies wer~ ap- speak for ali women when I thank p.roachedand: asked for support to Penhale forherresearch. condu~ breast cancer research on In a time when the term "postwomen, they said no, because in their feminism" i$ used, it is of the utmost opinion the research had already been, . importancen01:tO stop askingthequesdone. tionsthat are so desperately needed. Liepert explained it is now cpmWomen's health deserves as much mon knowledge thatfepWehoimones attention; funding and study as men's areintricatelyinvolvediribreastcancer. health. They may be key to tlnderstanding it. Although many flinch when they. . Oncebreastcaricerresearch was finally hear the f-wotd, I will persistinciillitig , done onwomen,)his discov€J:Yshowed myself a feminist. itwas important touo the res~chon Thereisahistoricalpatriarchallegaey both women and men. that still ex,1st'sand.:ontinuing to push Thank gpd. for universities, where for equality of theseiesis not an outideascanbeChallengedandbadlyrteeded dated concept. resea.rclt can be done. There is some groundbreaking work being don:e at editor@illlprint.l,lwaterloo.ca

As usual,no one· gives ara~'s ·ar~e about fine arts aware community a

s<>;rm,staa~ iliereshiv:,ering in the C()Olaitwatchlng as the .flashes slides '.. ~ screen in die window of the building tliat will soon house the .UW's new student artgallery. 'fheslide show is designed to' arous~ publih ititerestin the newial,lery project, but as Iwatch I become increasingly aware tlJ.at no one else s~m.g, to be noticing. Less then a block away at KitchenerCityHall, the opening for the (:ontemporary .Art ForUm. otKitthenerand Area (CAFKA) is well Underway: The gathermg consists of artists, some Fine Arts students and faculty, city officials; a bUs' load 'Of people from l'~ronto (the usual troop of art, , snobs):and 'a couple of kids who are tictd.~pinkby thenov~tyofthe latge. , plastic lawn chairs sittinginthe fO(lll~

tain: EventhoUghit'sa free public show (Whl<;h meat\s everyone and their grandmother is inVited] the·general··.· public is noticeably Unde1-:'~re- . sented. Forthose ofyou who don't know, .·eAFKA is'a;n'intemauoolliar1: fd-'

gnashingthcirteeth attheveryideaof an iD.temarional art gathel;ing in Kitchene.t (wherever the hell that is.) . I den't know how many times. PVe heai-dK.:.W des~~ll.§'.Cuh, tuDlbackwatel'orheatdcomplaints that "there is neveranything

to'do." downtown store fronts .. .·.·1 am alsopainfully that most Kitchener City Hall also boasts its local university students (most peoown public art gallery and regularly pl~periqd).~ ~(;thathoth of .4o~~~pf.mst'stalks, pub~ 'titt;UiiivetSities ~liitVe:fiil.e;arts" . ' . )ie~'working gtoupsand' pancl' piognms that baveexisted for dec· discussions. . ades andale run by intenllltionally Clearly,Jackof art It would ap~ that what we galleries andutist's studios, The have is a deficiency ofgood old fash~ UniversityofWaterloobas three )oned~t:ion:; In.otherwords~ no' •...... gallerieson~ru;npus and ism' the onegiVes#di\tlui"~JY:;;;;;~;;:;:;, . . ,. ' 'A~~~o.f§pening a'fourth in I'mnotsure:tllere1sari~1'can . downtown KliChene.r. do about that, short of charigirigthe' .. . . , ." KitcheoC!t is~o eel.,.· "fine arts" to "visual engineer.·eb~tingtheten.th. ing"(whiclurughtalsoincrease our' anniversary of its funding). sllCcessfuIArtistin . The point boils down. to .this,, ....•Aeside"'c~:'·Pl;9~::;.thereiSa~thpf~.rein the

across Caliada andpJaCesufAr away as Cuba, Berlin, Britain, the US and • Sar.ajevo.:Au :. art this magni"" tude is viriu<i ally unheard . of in a com~ munity the size of K...W and you can rest assured that some~ where in New York or Toronto bewil~ dered.effete art snobs are

term

j_"~E~:

. ' ... ASAP .'. pi£ts . ytWElSHEN

free? I· guess I could also mention that every time a show opens there is ~waysfreefood.Hey,atleastltried.

works ofart bylo~. 'tal artists in the Windows pfniany

Olin Timmins

·IMPRINT· U~IVE"ISTY'

9P .'WAT6RLOQ STUD-B'NT'

:N~:NSPAPER

Editorial· Staff Edirotcin.-chief, Laura' Katsirdakis . editor@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Assistant Editor, Phil Weiner . COver EditOr, Dan Micak News. Editor, Sarah AIlmen,dinger News Assistant, Mark Johnsoo., Opinion Editor, Rachel Shugart Opinions Assistant, Jonathan Chiu . FeawresEditor~ . Tim Alamenciak . FeatUres Assi!;tant, Brendan Buttows Arts Editor, Eta Malkovsky Arts Assistant, Davici GeOtgI}-Cosh Science Eqit?t, Penny Micbelle Rorke &Q.ence.· Assistant, Tim Mollison Sports Editor, Adam McGUire ' , Sport$ Assistant, RodMcLacliIan Photo Editor, 'Chris Miller Photo Assistant, Mohammad Jiulgda Gtaphics Editor,.JuIian· Apong Gtaphics As.sis~r.· Hitoshi. Mprakami

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person to go. to the Imprint office to.1llIk with the editor~in.-chief gets a ptize. Imprint is pu'blished every Friday during fall ahd winter terms, and every second Friday during the spring term. Imprint reserves the right to screen, edit and 'tefuse adVertising, Imprint Publicitions is 'not respon~ible for' *ertisng 'miStakes beyond the cost of the.'adyertisenient. .One.ccopy per ·customer.·Imprint ISSN: 0706-7380. Impriitt CDN Pub Mail Product Sales Agreement no .. 40065122.

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prints policies with. respect. to our Code of

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fi1~'~~

·Il\lIJRINT OPINION

.FRIDAY, SEP'tEMBER 24,2004'

tBlIlIRB Park this

let me in, so I drove across campus to findanotherspot,yettlienexttwolo~

To the editor, I am writing because of my disappointmentwith Parking Services this year. In the past week aQ(~ a!:talfI have. noticed that the parking lots allocated for "student parking" have been fillingup quicklywhile other parking lots . on campus remain more than half empty. This morning I rushed to school from Cambridge and pulled into Parking LotC to find a handful of free parking spaces, yet there were parking atten~an:ts telling me that the lot was· full and I would have to go to the next one; I pointed out the several spots thatwere free and said thatI would like to park there-atter all I did pay$115 for a parking permit. They wouldn't

were also full, I mademywayto Lot X and was already 15 minutes late for class. I parked at the back of the parking lot and made my way to south campus wher!;! my class is. I walked through the parking lot nextto the Health Sciences buildingthere was lots ofroom forpatklng, yet it isn't designated as "student permit parking"andIknowthereareanumber of other places on campus just like this. Something needs to be done about parking this year and it needs to start by designating a parking l6t for students with permits, l!!1d not allowing students to "pay ~d display". I am getting tired ofhaving to leave an hour early to wait for someone t() leave so I can take their spot. '

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For the price studep.ts are paying fora parkingpermit, we should at least have some priority over the students who drop in once in a while..

fine for Mr. Barclay to discuss wanting to fight against how men are percieved and told they ne-ed to be, as long as he can throw in a casual insult at

. transexuals~ddragqueensattheend' ofhis article to re-affinnhis ownmasculinity. Congratulations to Mr. Barclay for contradicting himself and writing . -NadeemLawji 2Aarts. another article re-l!ffirmingthe IIlllCho status·quo.

- Jennifer Benedict' 2Aplanning

And yet more lineups '

Grievou~ oversight

To the editor, -Sean Walker 4A en"gineenng

Contrary to Arda Ocal's column last week, I don't i:hink Tim Hortons is a Controversial advertising draw for eligible Students whatsoever. A few days ago', I deciqed to stop by . our qew establishment on my way to To the editor,

TEAS www.ouac.on.ca/teas/

To the editor,

The recent article ''Mixtape Masterpiece: Songs that'll make you laugh" by Mark Stratford is one I can relate to class. . entirely; I myself have a number of Sounds like a simple task? Not in Having received my free 'uw agenda songs on my computer purely for their this term, I flipped through it and was theleastl I came through the doors to humour or novelty value. surprised to find l.l half page ad for the However, the omission ofa certain . theSLConlytobeimmediately.shoved by someone in the,enormous line that Right. to Life Association. Has the song from the list filled me with such stretched before me. There were peo- . UniversityofWaterloo<:nosen to adopt indignation that I choked on a pretzel anti-abortionist views over a womple waiting from the front counter all andconcussed myself. the way to the entrance to the Feds an's right to choose, a freedom curI am, of course, referring to the rendy upheld in Canada? f am sure office. apex of human achievement that is What'sthepointofhavingacoffee . there was no inte~tion to offend, but .Jefferson Starship - ''We Built This . I do not think the uiUversity sho~.ld . CitY". shop on campus when you ca"n't even get coffee without standing in line for distribute highly controversial anq VHl ranked it as the worst song twenty' minutes? I might as well buy a political material unrebutted to the ever. They kre either lying or ignorant. student body at 'large. Stick to· You can't dislike ''We BuiltThis City." cup, at th.e turnkey desk for 85 cents! commerical and educational content From the wonderfully '80s instru- Sue Richards please. mental arrangement to lyrics such as 3A honours arts ''Knee-deepinthehoopla/Sinkingin - TathaSwann yolttfight/Toomanyrunaways/EatUReal Men~ eat quiche, and 3A architecture ing up the night," this song is the wear mini skirts too perfectexample ofhow to be,unintenUnplaimedptanner . '" : tionally hilarious. And once you admit that you like To ~he editor, it, you can rock out like you've never To the editor, rocked out before. . I am writing in regards to the article I I wanted to express some outrage over can only hope that in the distant entided 'Real men eat quiche too!' by future when extraterrestrial archaeoloGrahamBarclay. I would like to comthisyear~sp1anningofthe2004/2005 StUdent Handbooks. First of ,all, gists are rummaging through the rumend Mr. Barclay' on his attempt to shouldn't a planner that's meant for ins of our-<:ivilization, they overlook disCuss intelligendy society'S current the works of Mozart and Beethoven the school year beready ¥reSept.13? , view.ofmarihood. In this day and age But leave it to the Feds to screw it to discover alone recordhalf..buriedin it is fine for women to be ma~culine up. Not only do they not have them the rubble. Only then will they know but not for men to be feminine at all. readybeforeclassesstart,theysrilIdon't what Earth cities were built on -'- and However, Mr. Barclay totally shoots ha\Te them ready. I wonder who theycanhaveagoodlaughwhilethey're hlmself in the f60t with the last" line . at it. «planned" this. 'B<:sid,es guy's it's onl)' quiche... it's not Their system instead consists of a pink 'tnini~skirt.' Hmm... Iwonder -David Couture ifMr. Barclay reads his own.writing or telling students to "pop by and check throughout the day for the 1000 hand1st year arts and business ifhe really is that ignorant? I guess it's

TALES FilM TIE SEX .SliP OLSAS www.ouac.on.ca/olsas/ Ontario Law School Application Service November 1. 2004 Application deadline-first-year ... Mav 2. 2005 Application deadline-upper years

books that 'are delivered daily." I hope the person in charge of the UW Student Handbook doesn't get any other tasks this year except to start getting the 2005/2006 handbook ready.

Mark Stpatfopdaod Laopa Katsirdakls

So , <IeCided to tak$ your adViCe and ~ myhUeband WiItl the gift of porn!

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Not nMIly. He said.

after dinner with. II pIa$IIc bag full of tapeS. He was thrilled. I asked

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Have fun at your l1\oItIer's.·

him what he wanted to watch first.

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FRIPAY, SEPTEMBER 24, ,2~

leueps@imprilltuwaturIBB.ca Adam the gorilla

faws, pieces ofmeat soiling his university sweater and sauce dribbling down his chlrl. . .. "G~s for me!' That .why they' allowed· in To the editor, university." . Churchill bellowed with laughter and reached As I sat last week at Toronto's Canoe restaurant, eating a yegetable s.tir~fry-, I witnessed two large, out to pindl a passing waittess. . "I don't think so,'; she'said, swerving out of apeclike males sitting down at the table next to his grasp. . me. They camed clubs and made frequent grunt"Gaa. Feisty. She play hard to ge~" said the . student. . ing noises, directed at passing female servers. I "Ug." churchill answered, still leering after could distinguish ope 3;san Imprintwriter by the pen and notebook lie carried, and by the Waterthe waittess, long tongue slavering over his Jips. Their meal nrushcd, the two males licked their loo sweater pe wote .over his sloping back. 'Pte other, looking much more like a Neanderthal . plates clean and desc'<!hded from their chairs. than his picture did in history texts, identified . Theypickei~p thej.r clubs and ambled outto . the street, whlStlingat passiqgwomen and stophimself as Winston Churchill. As I ate, their voices boomed over the restauping to pick out of each others' hairy baW. Going back to my' dinner, I opened the rant murmur in an obvious 'attempt to assert themselves as the alpha males ofthe dinner-time Imprint to' get my mind off those disgusting crowd. Churchill did the ordering. '. sexist trolls. They would never print anything <CUs men. Eat meat." hateful or ~scriminatory. It's a moqem paper reflecting modern ideas. . Within minutes, two plates piled high with lamb Swimming in its own blood were brought' But oh wait, there's Adam Johns andhis to their table. .'. misogyi::tistic drivel being published in our newspaper in articles like' "Dinner with Winston," Through the snuffling and slurping of their .sloppy mouthfuls,J could hear them discussing _which reduces females to sex objects and confines the serious study of Sociology to females the Waterloo student's upcoming term. "Ug. Science and Busfuess," Churchill said. . only (the males being there only to "pick up," "Good class." pushing back progress in gender equality, and "Sound good," the Waterloo studerit said... perpetuatio.g sexualstereotypes). ., "Need also electives'." And white, middle-class inales everywhere are wonderingwhyeV'eryone is' against them Churchill sniiled with his deep-set eyes and . . over-siZed canine teeth. '. . .' ' . ' . these days.

hugs

·'O~k. Take Sociology. N~trehl subj~ct. Filled with girls all for you. Also called 'Ho-ciology'." The student exp~odedinto th~detous guf-

TIm Levesque UlCOMMON SENSE Prime Minister Paul Martin recendy announced his stance on the U.N.'s lack of response to the crisls in Sudan: 'We [The U11itegNatt<;>ns] s4ou1d havefutervened~sfJ~ewhenCanada<;iilledfor it. We should be interveni,ngpow." .

-Katie ShaAY, 4AArts ' .

9·'

Missing. the point having blond hair or blue eyes..i\hd shame on these "Christians" for condemninghomosexuals simply for being the way God made·theml They should recall Matthew 7: 1, whereJesus says, "Do not judge, or you too will be judged.~' Many gay marriage opponents are just plain out to lunch. Stockwell Day, Ii Conservative Member ofParliament,"called homo~eXuali.ty, "a. As a proud Ghristian, I've been a bit demoralized mental illness that call be cured through lately by the actions of fundamentalist nutbars counseling." Other current Conservative 'MPs who are dragging the' name of Christianity have called homosexuality "totally immoral" through the mud with resistance to same-sex (Myron Thompson), ~'repulsive" (John marriage. I was raisedeVange1ical, and bclieveme, , Williams), and "a repudiation of nature'"(Art Hanger). ' the social conservative bulls hit is really gett:i!J.g .tiresome. It's clear that these are the ones The small but angry minorwho really need the counseling. It's ity of Christians that opposes the same conservative bunch that opIt all comes gay marriages gripes that we will posed divorce, interracial marriages down to devalue the institution of marand the like. Those breakthroughs riage. Well, whataboutBritney's didn't cause the sky to fall, and neither narrow72-hourmarriage?Ordtive-:thru will same-sex marriage. minded weddings in Las Vegas? Or diAnyway, I'd hazard a guess that v~? God would be more concerned about opposition , These things definitely; dethe plight of the billions of people valuemarriage,bt;ltthechurches condemned to lives of poverty and huff and puff solely over gay despair than about two men who ate marriages. inlove andwantto marty each other. Ii all comes do~ to narrow-minded oppo- WhenJesus was arounq, he didn'tevenmep.tion . homosexuality! sition to the entire concept of homosexuality, includingtheirrationalc1ainlthatbeinggayi~"a He wasto~ busy hdpingthe poor, feeding choice."I wonderexacdywhen the fundan:}ental. thestatving, and curing the sick. Jesus taught ists. chose to make themselves heterose~~l I love and tolerance; unlik.ethe conservative Chris. . . certainly prefer women to men -'-'-I'm imable to tiansnowadayswhopoUreverylastresourceinto choose to suddenly be attracted Qnly to menl torcingtheir social-conservativeviews down eve-. tjt~uy's th1uat. ' .;,' .SeXUal otieritationf¥~elybotacll'~.

Mark Jlbls.1 EXTREMECEITRE

It's simply a c::haracreristic, oo'diffUentftom

The Prime Ministe,tisplayingagame ofwords in a world wherea~tiol}sscore the points. CailMr. ~ accPIPplish the impossible and w:iri over,som~vo~ ~Jhbalanced budgets andmilitaty cutback.s,flthgme, while appea;lingto othe!'SwiJ;hpeaceke<;pingefforts abroad? Only the next election will telL ~ ThyUnitedNl!-~oll;'~~, coupled with

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lead me to question the entire p~ocess. I fail to see why a multi-billion-dollar-a:year, multi~riatiollid'organiZlltioh 1S requited to issue condemnations ~.!l form poindess committees. lfullyagreewithMr.~'sassertionthatthe i alSQ cannotunder§tand why it is our duty to GnitedNationshasfailedinSudan.Accordingto . worry about the rest(iFtllewotld'sproblems theMontreal Gazette, u.N. &cretaryGenetalKofi when wehav-e yet to sOrt out our own. Annan is preparing. to "convene an impartial Maybe one day Su~will pecome a thriving commission of.experts to 'inves~te reports of democracy andsend.l 00,000 "peacekeepers'! to g(inocideandotherwarcrimt!sinSudan.'" Canada to fix upbqt hospitals, keep the .Bloc In other Words, the u.~. is onlybeginning to, " QuebecQis out bf b~waand install a puppet tumits bilreaucraticgazetoWatd Sudan. Unfortu-, goveriunentl~byJkHittis. Then again, maybe nately',noteven the.massive bureaucracythatruh~ , not. tli.e United Natibns is capable ofraising the dead. Unlike North Korea and other budding dicta.•• IftheU.N.istrulymteresteciinprotectingthe torships,SudanisembroiledinalaCalconflictthat; people of Sudan,"ii: l1eeds tii senct;UidiVidria!:s "doe~notttttei.tten thi~tonociic orffiilitatyidtetaimed with guns instead of pencils. ests,ofC@itada,th-eU,s.oranyotherG-8country. :Mr;Martin's cry for help on bellaJf of SUdan Sl.u;{anis~ problem thatwilleventuallysortitself went unheeded for one simple reason: he has no out without having an effect on our daily liY~~. clout. H;e has no clout be~ause Canada has no If we llte goi11g'to be compasslonatelibetals, militaty. . , then let's get to it and save Sudan. Ifwe are gojng Assuch,Mr.Martin'scommentsattheUnited , to be heartless conservatives, then let's forget Nations make him sound like a small child prodaboutit@dfocus on something else. In a nod to ding his older ands~onger friends for help. . John Kerry's DNC@eech,I wouldlike to address It's easy for Canada to advocat:e a hard-line the followingditebdy"to Mr. Martin and Mr. stance on the issue of Sudan when all we have to Annan: Just pick one, guys. . offer is a few dribblesQfmoney and SQme equip" \ tlevesque@imprint.uwaterloQ:ca ment.

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FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 2004

The fall line-up: a new take on old favourites

SHINY OBJECTS It's fall again and the networks are rolling out their best and brightest programming... er... well... remnants of last season and latest rehashes of old ideas. There's low-brow fare like TradingSpottse.randits numerous brethren. There's the tired old reality shows being trotted out again such as the new Survivor, B,g Brother (B,g Brother 87; Who's still watching?) and Joe-Bob Millionaire. The point of this whole diatribe is to inform you, dear reader, that if you're tired of subpar shows this summer and yearn for something better, watch the US. election coverage. If you're thinking that it sound.s suspiciously like I'm suggesting you watch something "educational" (i.e. boring), I'm not. I assure you, the election coverage has only a passing relation to "news." There will surely be nothing more contrived, staged or outrageous, or with more at stake than the upcoming presidential elections. Why should you care? After all, our elections have come and gone. Well, yes. But however important Canadi-

ans think o.ur elections are, the outcomes rarely affect people beyond our borders the way the American elections do. What's more, the antics of our Canadian politicians can't hold a candle to the sort of stuff that the American politicians get away with. You want outrageous comedy? Watch the Republicans talkaboutfiscal responsibility while creating record deficits. Watch them talk about their respect and representation of minorities while covertly hinting that Mrs. Kerry's multilingualism is the very definition of un~American. You want a western? Watch that swash-buckling conservative in Democratic's clothing, ZellMiller, as he challenges a reporter toa duel for having the audacity, the unmitigated gall, to question him on something he said in his RNC speech. Watch as the Bush campaign insists that Miller's words don't represent the views of the convention - i.e. the krynote speakerisn't representative of the convention. You can't make· this stuff up. You want outlandish talk shows? Whatever the diaper-wearing, polygamous serial killerJerry Springer has on this week; it pales in comparison to Newt Gingrich. A few days after Reagan's death, Gingrich solemnly intonedwithOscar-worthyheart-breaking sincerity, "I think he would've

[invaded Itaql ... I think he would've." Give the man a prizel You want reality TV? Forget Stlrllillor. Observe the ultin1ate alliances game of being in a political party. Observe how even the moderate, credible Republicans likeJohn McCain are ·used as the pretty face, the chocolate coating to the right-wing zealots that actually make up the nut-cluster that is the Bush administration. Watch as the Democrats manage to trip over themselves at every step, losing ground despite the facts being in their favour and finding ways to allow the Bush campaign to avoid all discussion on their record in office. And if you like Trump's boardroom catchphrase "You're fired!", you'lllove Cheney's "Go <expletive> yourself" on the senate floor. There's something for the WWE fans, too. The Democrats have Alec Baldwin and Ron Reagan; the Republicans have the matching sibling set, Steven Baldwin .and Michael Reagan -let's get ready to ruuummmmble! And that's only the tip of the iceberg. For all of Bush's talk about Democrats having "Hollywood values" (versus his down-home values, the ones picked up while drilling for oil on daddy's dime), the Republicans were the ones who had star-power on their convention stage. Not only did they have newly-minted Governor Schwarzenegger; they even had that

eminent political expert otherwise known as "that chick from The View," former alumni of S (trvivorfame, Elizabeth, speak at their convention. And there's plenty more where that came from. The promo for tlle presidential debates will surely feature this year's most important issue: will the

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FRIDAY. SEPTEMBER 24, 2004

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Swaggart's sadistic s p

TYPE-IN-STEREO Jimmy Swaggartis in alotoftrouble and this time, he's gotten Omrll television in hot water as \vell. On one of the :t;ecen t weekly episodes of the teievangelist's show, The. Jim1lJ), Swaggmt 'Fefeeast, the evangelist gave his opinion of gal' marriage, which angered guite a few \vatchers - as wellas gaining the notice of the Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission. According to the show's transcripts, Jimmy said, ''I'm trying to find the correct name for it. .. u1is utter absolute, asinine, idiotic stupidity of men marrying men .... I\'e never seen a man in my life I wan ted to marry. And I'm gonna be blunt and plain; if one ever looks at me like that, I'm gonna kill him and tell God he died." Now, considering the CRTC tilled several" television stations around $25,000 each over Janet Jackson's famOllS "wardrobe malfunction," it will be interesting to see what comes of this. Under Canadian broadcasting rules, !lot only is Omni 1 liable forthe ,pitt' being a US cirjzen . .Rtlt that's notwhatI'minterested in. More, I'm interested in his reaction to being hit on by another man. Ask yourself, honestly, bow would you react? Picture it, if you will ... sitting in the bar or library, browsing through the racks atl:-Il\-IV, getting your morning triple latte at the local coffee shop ... wben suddenly, at your elbow, is another man (onvoman) who starts trying to "test thewaters." Now, we all have this "mystical" gardar, but I'm sorry tohave w tell you that it's not a perfect science. \Ve maybc gay, lesbian, or bisexual... but we're still human and wc make mistakes too. So, \vhat do you do? Hopefully the an~wer isn't to take a page from Swaggart's book. Becausc, rcally, you should be above that.

flg;urarive "red-hotpokerin the chest" Guys, you've all been shot down style rejection. Tbat may be your knee before, and girls, you've probably had jerk reaction, but keep in mind what the opportunity to crush some young being turned down fcels like, as \vell guy's hopes and dreams at least once. as the fact that, more thcn likely, the This really isn't all that much different, except this tln'le, person who you're about to shoot you have the best of down is going to be excuses: you don't the most embar"swing" that way. rassed of the two of You have the Sure, it might startle you when all is said best of and done. you a bit - it's not something YOU "Do unto others excuses: you might have expected as you would haye don't IIswing" - but there's no others do unto you," point in getting your is how Ule cliche goes that way back up over someand it's really not all thing . which is an that hard if you give honest mistake. yourself a second to think. Instead, take it like it is - a comResides, who wouldn't want thc pliment. If this guy/girl tries to get your number, it obviously means ego boost that comes with knowing that you interested them enough to thatwhat you've got interests people take a large risk. Qn either side of the gender line? We all know what rejection feels like, but it doesn't hm'C to be the gbarclay@imprint.uwaterloo.ca >

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The etiquette of passing gum Arda Deal

OUR HOUSE Fingernails are such interesting parts of the body-protective yet decorative, purposeful yet elegant. To me, shapely, elegant nails on a woman are important. They add'to the woman's.m);stique and attractiveness - ifher nails are well kept, she becomes all the more attractive. But as salacious as nails are meant to be, on this particular day in the SLC they became the focal point ofa

heated argument betWeen two of my friends. The conversation went something like this: Friend #1: Hey (name withheld for witness protection purposes), you got any gum? Friend #2:Yeah, I do. Friend #1: Can I have a piece? (Friend #1 grabs gum, pops a 'piece out of the packaging Into his own hand and passes the gum to his friend.) Friend #1: Dude, I can't eat this piece of gum! , Friend #2: Why not? Friend #1: You touched it; that's gross! Look at all that [pool under your fingernails! Friend #2: What are you talking about? There ain't no [pool under

my fingernails!, 'You're talking bull[poo]! My twa friends proceeded to engage in verbal combat for the next five minutes, arguing over the proper etiquette and hygiene (my personal highlight was Friend #2 calling Friend #1 an "ugly gorilla that rolls around in his own [poo]"). Luckily, both were strong enough to get over the whole ordeal and continue with their lives (which is good because their one year anniversary is in a week). This tribulation does teach us a valuable les~on - some people just don't like their gum touched before they receive it. After all1 it's going into their mouths and really, who knows how

many times you've been to the bathroom without washing your hands. So, for the benefit of improving our oveqll cleanliness, it might be wise to introduce a new and revolutionary "gum asking-for" system. Let's say that you, the typical A + student from the University ofWaterloo, want a piece of gum from ypur friend-and do not mind him touching it first. By extending one hand out to reach for the gum, you signify to your gum-donating friend that you care not ifhe pops the piece of gUm into his hand first and then gives it to you. Now, let's say that you do care. By extending two hands out to reach for the gum (not in "Muslim prayer"

fashion but rather in "receiving Skitties" fashion), you are signifying to your friend that you insist he pop the gum into your hands, so nobody touches the gum but you, the packaging and the 65 year-old retired bus driver who now packages gum down at the Dentynefactory. W0tlld , seniors even care to wash their hands? Now that's another story! It's that easy, folks. If only my friends knew, the whole thing could / have been avoided. Either that or'everyone just buys gum with individually wrapped sticks of gum ... then we'd all smell like Bubblelicious again-and there's nothing wrong with that. aocal@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Marriage: live and let live

~€~Imperial Oil.

continued from pg. 9

• oppor,tunities • career •

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One letter-writer to the Toronto S tin put it right when he stated that he'd "rather burn in hell with that funloving bunch [homosexuals and their supporters] than spend eternity in heaven with a bunch of hatemongers." How arrogant it is to ctiticize homosexuals for committing a sin when Romans 3:23 says, "All have sinned, and fallen short of the glory of God." In John 8:7, when a woman was about to be stoned for adultery,Jesus said, "let he who is without sin cast the frrst stone." Perhaps Christians should· worry about repenting their own sins instead condemning others! I believe I can speak for mainstream Christianity when I say that we love homosexuals too and wholeheartedly support their right to selfdetermination, including same-sex marriage. Besides, a recent COMPAS poll showed that just 30 per cent of Canadians believe marriage should onlybe for heterosexuals. Am I simply attacking my opponents, you ask? When it comes to beingbigotedagainstbigots,I'mguilty as charged. Here's my solution for all: if you're against gay marriage, then don't marry someone of the same sex! Live and let live! mjohnson@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Plan to attend our Information Ses$ion.

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am "'1 learns_to..pick __

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The land of beats, bods and beaches Lisa Sant SPECiAl TO IMPRINT

Ibiza is one of the Balearic Islands of Spain in the Mediterranean Sea. It is only 572 square kilometres, but within that small area you will find the most beautiful beaches, the most gorgeous people and the most exhilarating clubs in the world. It was known as a hippie hot spot in the 1960s and has continued to evolve into an island of pure liberty. Whether you want a nudist beach, a beach full of partiers, or one which is virtually undiscovered, Ibiza is the place to find it on. Every summer people are dftwn to this island, from the rich and famous such as P. Diddy or Naomi Campbell to the regular traveller such as Usa Sant and Penny l\{ichelle Rorke. During the day, the beaches of Ibiza are packed with tourists soaking in the sun. Bora Bora is the most famous beach bar, located at Playa d'en Bossa. Between 4 p.m. and midnight the music is always pumping and the partiers are always bouncing. Just imagine a place where you can dance all day in your swimsuit, drink sangria or vodka-Red Bull and listen to the best dance music around. One of the greatest things about Bora Bora is that when it gets a little too hot you can just jump in the sea to cool off. Sa Trioxa, located at Las Salinas beach, is anotherhot beach bar. Unlike BomBora where most of the sight-seeingi~'f~tused on the beautiful bodies, Sa Trioxa has a breath-taking view of turquoise waters and is surrounded by beautiful pine trees. This is where you will see naked peoplebathingin the sun. people dancing to the music from the beach bar and people enjoying a nice Mediterranean meal at the sea-side restaurant. After a long day of fun in the sun though, the partying has just begun. For those who don't know, Ibiza is worldrenowned for its clubs - they are the biggest and the best. These clubs feature the bestDJs in the world-SebFontaine,ArminVanBuuren,Paul Oakenfold and Tiesto, just to name a few. It's a club bunny's dream come true. \Ve were in heaven as we managed to hit the five hottest venues during our five nights on the island. Let's start with Privilege. The biggest club in

the world, Privilege has a capacity ofl 0,000. With so many different areas-including a swimming pool-it is easy to getlost, but don't worry: you won't miss a beat because even the bathroom has its own DJ! After along night at Privilige you can head to Space, which is the world's first after-hours club. It opens at 8 a.m. for those who don't sleep, but for most, this is the place to be on Sunday night. Space is located right by the airport runway and whenever there's an incoming plane the crowd goes wild. The feeling ofbeing united with your fellow clubbers is really fantastic. Yet another club not to be missed in Ibiza is the often imitated but never duplicated Pacha. The DJ booth is situated just above the dance

floor so you can get that perfect photo of your favourite D J while dancing with a large crowd of fellow music lovers. Other clubs in Ibiza such as Amnesia (home to the legendary Cream nights), Eden, ElDivino and DC 10 are also musts. Club admission ranges in price from $55 to $80 and a bottle of waterwill set you back$16. This is definitely a trip for which you have to set your budget aside. For a five-night stay in a ni'f hotel, with airfare, club admission, transportatIOn on the island (it's very difficult to find a taxi so hitchhike if you can), food and drink, plan on spending around $2,000 in total- but it is worth every penny! After all those late nights, one might be in search ofthe perfect sunset. The best place for this

is Cafe del Mar. Located in San Antonio on the northwest side of the island, Cafe del Mar has pioneered the chillout genre of music since they first opened in 1994. Right next door you'll find Cafe Mambo. This is the place to be when the national UK radio station, BBC Radio One,goes live to air with host Pete Tong. The beach becomes filled with sunset seekers and music lovers alike. As the sun sets, everyone shifts their view from the DJ booth towards the picture perfect view and once the sun finally sets everyone cheers, for the night has just begun. Ibiza is a place where 'freedom is found, friends are made and memories are created. It is a place that will stay in your heart forever and a place you ",ill long for until you return.

The strange foreigner within city council

Chris fdey MAPS AID tERIII Beingwhitein Guyana means that you get racially profiled every time you step out of your home. Yendors in the market take quick notice of your presence, the prices of goods you are interested in have been known to fluctuate and you garner attention by simply walking down the street. Even as a Canadianintem, lam compensated out ofall proportion with what the majority of the local population earns, which makes this profiling understandable, if not entirely comfortable. The point is, growing up as a white Canadian, where about 80 per cent of the population is "like me," one does not often think about these issues. I t was while attending a meeting in Linden~ a

hard-scrabble mining town of some 44,000 people, when the experience ofbeingdifferent became much more acute. The huge bauxite mines which surround Linden have been idle for several years and the national government has been actively searching for a solution to this region's economic stagnancy. Recently, the government has the idea of the consttuction of a mega-dump in the old mining pits to bury the waste of the developed world. According to the local papers, waste disposal companies fromseveralWestemnations are actively pursuing the project. Needless to say, the locals are not exactly enamoured with the idea and my visit to Linden ended up coinciding with their protest march on City Hall. Our meeting with the chair ofthe city'S management committee (cit)' council having been dissolved by the n~tional government one year ago) was well underway when the crumbling municipal office,was surrounded by several hundred protesters, chanting to the beat of hand drums. The,chair of the committee and my colleagues were nonplussed br the protest and

several went to the open but draped windows to watch the street theatre. They soon encouraged me to take a look as well. Myappearanceatthewindowquicklygamered the attention of a small knot of protesters. I can imaginewhattheywerethinking,attendingamarch

to oppose the use of their community as a destination for the detritus of the \'<;!est and 10 and behold there's a white man in the mayor's office. See FOREIGNER page 16 Continued from page 13

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FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 2004

Steve-O: an interactive freak show apparent to me that this was to be an interactive experience as the madman started provoking audience members by threatening to "kick their asses" and whatnot. The piss started flowing (literally) as Steve-O brought an audience member up on stage and unloaded a bottle of Gatorade filled with the entire road crew's urine all over him. The fun didn't stop as two ofhis crew both tackled a 400z of tequila and proceeded to chase it with the midget Wed"Ian's

Brendan Burrows IMPRINT STAFF

BRENDAN BURROWS

Steve-Q fucks himself up on stage

When I heard Steve-O of Jackass fame was coming to Waterloo and putting on his already notorious road show at the Revolution Nightclub, I immediately knew that there would be a lot of extremely 'fucked-up shit' going down. I mean, even if you think Jackass is the most depraved abomination North American society has ever spawned, you have probably seen at least one clip of Steve-O snorting salt or lighting his hair on fire and been minutely impressed on a pseudo- sado-masochistic level. That is why my expectations last Thursday night were relatively high. Up-and-coming punk rockers Social Code opened the show and did a pretty good job of hyping the salivating congregation of 600. The only problem was they came on at 9:00 and did a 45 minute set which left a two hour window of suffocating drunken awkwardness. Thus the long wait for obscenity began as the crowd became restless and agitated (not to mention extremely annoyed) since Steve-O did not show until shortly after midnight. Everyone knew that he was probably getting cranked up backstage before the show, but the wait was ridiculous. By the time Steve-O stepped on the stage the fans were completely hammered. I guess that was the plan; allow the audience to get as shitfaced as possible, that way everything they see on stage would seem 10 times cooler then it actually was. Steve-O came out chugging cans of beers at rapid pace and crunching them on his head while feeding himself and the audience chugs from a twenty-sixer of tequila. Immediately, it became

was whenSteve-O broughtup agroup ofvolunteers from the audience who then sacrificed their hair and eyebrows to his buzzer. This was either idol worship or an extreme mockery of it. \"xihat's funny is the volunteers from the audience took just as much, if not more, punishment than Steve-O. One of the most brutal things I've ever seen took place when a volunteer stapled his balls to his leg causing instantaneous bleeding. ~Ian that dude must be suffering from a nasty infection right about now. However 01' Steve-O continued as the ringleader when his animal guy (not Manny) brought out a huge scorpion which was then allowed to sting him in the face, the balls and the ass, all ofwhich was shown on the big-screen. I fucking saw a scorpion sting a grown man on the dick and watched as the man fell to the ground withering in pain. That alone was worth the price of admission. The show's finale involved Steve-O lighting his head on fire, while the audience cheered, having their appetite for good-hearted honest depravity quenched. Thursday, September 16, 2004 may not go down as one of the best nights of my life but it will certainly be one fucked series ofvisuals which I will never forget. This was pretty much a freakshow like they had in Vaudevillian times only the bar was raised by involving audience members making it an interactive freakfest. The audience was shown to be just as sado-masochistic as their skeletal ringleader. I could maximize this and present it as a social commentary on the ills of today's youth butI believe the piece stands on its own as a legitimate piece ofN orth American performance art.

I fucking saw a scorpion sting a grown man on the dick and watched as the man fell to the ground withering in pain. That alone was worth the price of admission. piss. The question into the legitimacy of the urine was answered as Wee Man's member was unleashed on the big-screen (to the right ofthe stage) while filling up the chaser cup. Yeah,I knew it was going to get weird but this was just atrociously fucked up - good times though. Continuing in the show Steve-O had a ballkicking demonstration in which he brought an enthusiastic female audience member up in order to squarely kick crew member Darcyin the balls. Sadomasochism at its best. Perhaps the most inane thingthatI saw that night

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Three genres of women

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Heramb RamachandraJl IERAMB'S HAREM During one ofmy recent co-op stints, I had the opportunity to study three types of females. These girls all have positive traits but there would be no humour if we focused on those. Instead I shall outline three kinds ofgals and warn all potential suitors to steer clear or face their wrath. Keep in mind these are extreme caricatures so any resemblance to actual human beings is purely coincidental. _~slut

The slut is one of God's b~utiful creatures. Sheis a jovial character who embraces attention. Her attire embodies minirnaIism to the fullest, namely minimal G-strings, minimal. halter~ tops and minimal skirts that accentuate said G-string. When engaged in conversation with a slut, ce~ sluttish cuesbubble to the surface~Here is anexamplewithagirlnamedJ~talia

the Lucky Dipping Well. ' "So Jennitalia, how do you like economics at U ofT?" "I love it. I also love dripping hot wax on my areola." "Come again?", "And again, and. again, ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhl" The slut avoids subdetyandgets to the point. After all,euphemistie dic-

tion and flowery verbiage impedes her you are too serious. You need to smile morel" That's wbat Kevorkian used ultimate goal-battie thumping, clavicle piercing seeeee-ex. to say before he'flipped the switch. One day I was wondering why my Right. Moving on then. date was making out with another guy. I approached a buddy and asked Da cock tease him this very question, These girls are downright mean. Teasing cock should be a crime like assault "Hey Krazy Korean, why she sucking his ears?" and battery. A !nan who is the recipient "Well, Herambone,Jennitaliais a ofsuch foul treatment should be given slut. One-night stands are hermantra." the opportunity to prosecute accordYou see boys and girls, I ,pad uningto the penile code. Basically the cock tease does everyknowingly missed my chance withJ en" I met her for the first time earlier in the . thinginherpowerto give you thoughts week and I guess our e1'iemistry had a of future tntercourse; She pushes the shelf life of 24 hours like the other 14 right buttons; strokes your ego, talks guys in herpast, Add I left dinner that al?out how horny she is and then, night early 'cuz I wanted to watch an without any warning, gets up and Alf marathon. Shit. leaves. Motives for the cock tease are endThe boring girl less: she craves attention, she wants you to buy her drinks 'cuz she's cheap, You generally go out with this girl because she hasothetJ?on.personality she is mental,etc. related attributes like pretty eyes, a 'One day this girl, we'll call her loving smile, or monstrous jugs. You "Man's Worst Friend," gotmy MSN know, things of that nature. and phone number. Shweet! OnMSN Once the date starts, tumbleweed we had conversations where she professed her admiration for me and her just spontaneously appear. This one girl, we'll call her "Negaloveofwittybrownp~opleingeneral. tive Chemistry/' and I enjoyed dIDner Shweet number two! And then we , at a nict,: restaurant. It was an Indian went dubbing and she bought me a U ' restaurant and I ordered curry. I love drink. Hello.

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This week, Adam picks up chicks with Shakespeare at Tim Hortons Adam: Hry Wi/~ thanks :fllot for coming out, and let me say sorry we couldn't make itto New York for our dinnerreseroations. AiY idiot butler booked theL.ear Jet Thursday instead o/Tuesday. Nobu isgoing to befurious! And the thing that gets me is, I am always tellingpeople: "neverpiss qffa sushi chif, especiallY ifhe can. qffordJohnnie Cochran as his 1t11I(Yur. "You'd think I could at least listen to my own advice forf)nce. Shakespeare: Forsooth, do not alarmeth be, min.e friend For loveth coffee and timbits do 1. ChefNobuis a mild and temperate soul, To slice at Adam beeth not his goal. Uh,yeah; (Jf!yways, what'f/you have? Two donuts, glazed with sweetest maple goop And coffee, black as Hades' darkest deep. For caffeine, sweetest mistress of my love Shall stir my heart, and help mine bowels move. Uhyeah, that's great man but canyou

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curry. Man, I couldn't talk to her about anything. She was so boring! I ended up arguing with her about high school math requirements for university. She was all like, "finite is an important subjeq:; Get the fuck outofhere,with your finite! And then she made the following brilliant observation: "Herambone,

Twenty minutes later: '." "Herarnbone,I need my space. Do

knock offthe pentameter? People are starting to stare. Sure thing, dawg. So anyways, you said you needed my advice on something. Is it your column? 'Cause honesdy, I hate to be blunt, but it's a little juvenile. I could give you a little advice. on humour writing if you need some. Thanksa lot Will butI'Ve readTwelfth Night andAs YouLike It andI'Nt afraid cross-dressingjokes are no longer the bastion of hilarity that thry were in the seventeenth cmtury. I needyour advice on matters ofromance. AiYproblem is, I haven't had a girlfriend in a rea/IY long time and it's starting 10 get me down. How long is really long? I mis'sed the taste of lip-g/oss so much that I purchased a tube. and ate the whole thing in two hours. Umm ... 1... uh ... wow. You see? I knowyou can help me. You understand romance, dude. You wrote Romeo and Juliet and, more importantlY, you scored with Gu:Ynelh Paltrow! Adam, I used to think that being the English language's greatest writer was the highest honour a man could aspire to. That was before I scored with Gwyneth Paltrow. I can help you. The first thing you have to remember is that, if you want to mee~ girls, you have to be really sociable aVd talk to everybody. The more peoplq;ouknow, the more romantic potential you will have! You'll never meet women ifyou stay inside all day on <the Internet. That's not true, I met my fasl girlfriend

en .' .erVlCeS Trajnin.···g· Team -.

you mind?" shesa'idina p~ozac-ytone Student Services is lookingforstudent~tcijoin our andproceededtowalkaway.Saywhat, training team that is responsible for delivering the muthafucka?! I played everything by Orientation Leader Training program. Teams of the book and she ups and walks away! Thar!S:tnore irrita~'an·~~:(::P ...JWo wiU'.presentfour:trahiing 4iJ~ules on .',"Ou are~: bowel syndrome." Waterloo, what every leader should know, hramachandran@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Much ado about the ladies

Adam Johns DINNER WITI ADAM'

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on the Internet! Yes,Adam, butyoll! last girlfriend stole your car stereo and it was an AM radio. I see your pomt. Another thing to remember is that rou have to be. yourself. Don't be afraid to act a little bit geeky or dO' things that you mightncit think are cool. Personality quirks add to a person's character and make them more attractive overall. Take Queen Elizabeth the First for instance. She was a knockout, the most eligible bachelorette in all of England and the bulk of Scandinavia and yet she was absoluteiyobsessed with Dungeons and Dragons! Now, I know D&D is not the coolest thing, but for Betsy that little touch ofgeekiness just added to her charm. Of course, back in her day, they played with live dragons, but that's not important. Be yourself! Soyou mean that mypersonality quirks, such (IS my compulsive need to pick up pennies offthe ground despite their obvious filth and uncomfortableproximity to strangers'toes, actuallY make me more attractive? Yes but that doesn't mean you shouldn't still consider therapy about that, dude. "DulY noted. It's also important when trying to meetwomentotakecareofyourselfand put a litde bitofeffortinto your appearance, but you seem to have thatcovered. See SHAKESPEARE, page 16

Harrassment and Diversity, and Health and Safety. The ses~ons will be offered throughoutthe Winter, I:: Spring and Fall terms. In addition, you will present our series of interactive educational p'rograms, "Bridges" which addreses topics like Alcohol, Budgeting and Where to find Housing. Successful candidates must be full or part-time registered (including co-op) undergraduate students in good academic standing. Applicants must also have a sincere interest in Orientation and Student Life, excellent presentation and oral communication skills, knowledge' of on-campus resources and an interest in learning to facilitate discussion among peers. Each member of the team will be expected to work between two and ten hours a month and will be paid $1 O/hour. Successful candidates will also be paid for training they receive before beginAing the program.

First and Second Year Students are encour.dto apply! Interested candidates should forward a resume and cover letter, by Friday, October 15, 2004, explaining why they would like to join the Training Team to: Heather FitzGerald Student Life Co..,ordinator Needles Hall 3006 888-4567, ext. 6876 More information about Orientation and Bridges can be found on the Student Services Web Page: http://www.studentservices.uwatefioo.ca.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMB~R 24, 2004

Shakespeare: The great lover gives advice Continued from page 15

World-class cheekbones like these need to be acce!sorized with care, dedication and tenderness. Yeah,that'sgreat You might want to never ever say that to anyone again though. The final and most important lesson I can give you is that confidence is key. Women love a man with confidence, so if you're shy and insecure you'll never win. If you want to get a date, walk up to her and introduce yourselfto her-likemeetingyouis the greatest thing thatwill happen to her all month. She'll think to herself, "wow, this guy sureis confide!;lt. Maybe he's a duke, or at the very least, a magistrate! I'd better give himmyphonenumber."

That'scraiJ talkfThatwillneverwork. Oh yeah?ltworkedon Gwyneth! I'll tell you how lmether. She was with that

sissy from Coldplay; they were visiting Stratford-upon~Avon and walking through my orchard with a tour group. Sol saw her and I waslike, "ohsnap,it's that chick from Sliding Dorml" Now, she's like this hot young blonde, plus she's an incredible actress and supersmart and stuff, and I'm like five hundred years old; she's way out o{my league.Plusshe'swiththesingerguyand for some reason which I'll never be able to fathom -chicks just go ape for that dude. But I was like "easy Shakespeare, confidence. You'reasmoothplayafrom the Renaissance." So I walked up to her andwas like, "what up, you're Gwyneth Paltrowright? I couldn't help but notice yourbeautyfromacrossmyorchardI've written a few plays. Have you heard of HamleR So, could I call you some time?" And bro, I don't need to tell you how that one ended! You saw the movie!

Yeah man, mqybeyou're right. Trust me, Adam. Hey, isn't that the girl from your biology class you like? Why don't you go say hi to her? Umm, I don't know... Go foritdawg,l'lltellyouwhatto say. Shakespeare whispers briefly in Adam's ear. Buoyedwithresolve,Adam gets up and walks to the girl's table. Adam: Shall I compare thee (0 a sum-

mer's dqy? Thou art more lovelY, and more temperate: Rough winds do shake the darling buds rifmqyj Wanna go to the bomber on Saturdqy? Girl in class: Cool! You're in Bio 444 right? What's your number? Epilogue: Adam and his girlfriend dated happily for three months but broke up when she discovered that he did not actually write Hamlet. ajohns@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Foteigner: strange man in a far away land Continued trom page 13

comfort· of being in the maf6rity. Howoftet;l:have I made assumptions or come to conclusions about someone else from a cursory examination of their differences? What consequences does this common human behaviour have for a country such as Canada whose future can only be pluralistic? . There are many questions, but the event left me with only one conclusion: whether you like it or not, you will always carry around all of the baggage; preconceptions andexpectations of your home culture~hen you .:hoose to step outside of it. Heavy bags to be sure.

Fingers were immediately directed my way and scattered voices from the crowd speculated on the links between my presence and the proposed dump. The protesters were peaceful and in short order marched on to their next destination, the town market, for their main rally. Nevertheless, the experienceleftme slightly unsettled and reinforced the knowledge that simply looking differentwould play amajor role in howl am perceived and treated in Guyana. Being singled out for my skin tone also made me reflect on my own conduct when safely housediri the

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Three Days Grace o·utshined by opener • • Unoriginal nu-metal Canadian band leaves lacklustre Impression some scarily aggressive crowd push-

ing at the concert that had been going on since their third number, ','Now or :Never." Watching from above with the more subdued of the concert goers, I was impressed with how well the Feds staffhal;ldled the rowdy crowd, even grabbing on to one lone crowd , surfer before he could make a second pass. One had to wonder though, was the music really making the crowd angry or is this just the expected behaviourata~concert? Others were able to enjoy the mu'sic without shoving into their fellow students, including members of Oliver Black, the

excellent opening band that carne downstairs to watch the second half of3DG's set from the floor. Their tight, high-energy set never got the crowd as engaged .as Three Days Grace but by the end several heads were bopping along to the • music. Serena Pruyn, die Californiaby-way-of-Welland blonde with a voice and stage presence that recalls Janis Joplin, bounced around the stage jiving with her all-male band. The band's guitiristletloose on some impressive solos butitwas their moptopped bassist that really held the songs together. Back to 3DG though, the 'show

was hardly a full-on; limp Bizkit'Style riot but I hardly see how their generic angsty lyrics and music were passionate enough to inspire that much of a reaction. Are we this starved for'real music that this is what gets people moshing these days? Ever the polite Canadian rock,ers, the band thanked everyone who bought their album and thanked the audience for "kicking ass!" Maybe if the band could break free of their cliched sound ~ could get 'just as excited about them as the crowd was on Friday. Perhaps if they all did their hair like Stock. That was one badass mohawk.

Warrior Nation rocks the Bomber in style 30G need some more lessons from the school of rock. Stephanie Radcliffe

that wasn't featured on their self-tided' debut album, a lyrieless jam between the drummer and lead guitarist that The songs latched onto by disaffected sounded more authentic and advenyouth are usually ones of complex turous than most of their fully fledged emotions that reflect the'pain and songs. Asiorthe sortgs off'Fhr<;e IJilys confusion ofgrowing up and learning Grace (or 3DG, to those who have to deai with the world. Three Days trouble with three syllable band Grace, who played Fed HalllastFriday; names), 'the dynamics rarely change have managed to create their own anfrom song to song and we got the them, summarizing those tumultufollowing: a pounding chorus, conous feelings with one simple battle cry: stant bass and Gontier's trademark "I Hate Everything About You." loud/ soft vocal style. Even after a few The Norwood, Ontario b,and, con- spins, the similarities between tunes sisting of Adam Gontier (vocals, gui- like ''Bum'', ''Drown'' and ''Wake Up" tar), BradWalst (bass), Neil Sanderson, far outweigh ,the differences. Only . (drums, vocals) and Barry Stock (gui- "Take Me Under" showed their postar), received an enthusiastic response sible range and moreimportandy, that from the sold-out crowd. Closing off Gontier's voice could be melodic. their 12 song set with the song that To his credit, Gontier appears to they're best known for, Gontier comtruly feel the lyrics to all of the songs, manded the energized crowd to "sing , despite (or perhaps because of) their . it", and they did -loudly. simplicity. And their simplicity makes , I was pleasandy surprised to learn it much easier to sing right alongwith that I didn't hate everything about the band; I'll confess that I've been , this band; but the show still came up humming 'Just Like You" since Frishort. The band played only one song day night. That tune further ignited SPECIAL TO IMPRINT

Glory Fades tak.es a song break in the middle of thei~ set at the CO release party held, at the Bombshelter last Friday. For more information, see page 19.

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This could have been the next fuuJers ~/ the Lost Ark; it's not, unfortunately. This movie had the look, the talent, and the studio backing to really hit one out of the park. So does it? Not really, Butthatisrl'tto saythatit's a bad movie at all. In fact, it's yety beautiful. Visually and stylistically everything is golden. The entire mm has a very If you were in six movies this year, you'd be smiling, too. late-1930s artdeco feel to it, and that combined \'lith the heavy usage 9f through a \v-idevariety oflocales, all of" You can have all the sly nods to tilm "good" computer graphics will cause which look great. From the massive . history that you want, but if you don't many a jaw to drop. The world feels and sleek urban city to the lush, tropihave engaging characters then the rest like a perfect mix of BatmCln: TbeAnical jungle, there is plenty to keep you of the fihn just sort of flops. Sure it's mated Series, The Iron Giant, and Indiooh-ing and ahh-ing. But not in the cool seeing these characters evade giant al7t~.Tones. Each frame is full of beausame way as, say Lord oftbe Rit/gr..Here robots, travel underthe sea, and pretifully rendered backgrounds that give the stylistic elements are just as speccariously battle on a rocket-ship, the entire movie a veri exciting surreal tacular as the visual effects. but if we don't care about them as feel. Unfortunately, that is \vhere you individuals then what's the point? The film follows its hero, Joe have to draw the line. First time direc. \'{!hile Conran llli'ly not have delivSullivan (lude Law), the Sky Captain, tor Kerry Conran has a brilliant eve and ered a perfectly balanced film, he ceras he does his best to save the world a good sense of story, but it's his tainly leaves a very good ill1pression from the evil robot-commanding Dr. characters that drag the film down. For and I look forward to his next project Totenkopf. Alongfor the ride is side(an adaptation of Burroughs' dassicA all ofhi5 'golly gee' bravado and herokick/love interest Polly Perkins ism, Joe Sullivan doesn't really conPritlCfH a/A1an) with much anticipavince you that he deserves to be the (G\\'yneth Paltrow). Apparently, sevtion. eral very imfx)ttant scientists are becaptain of the skies. He's really just l;ltixnarcly Sk), Captaill fails just as ing,"disposed of' and reporter Polly . some guy in a plane. That's it. No rnuch as it succeeds. Jfyou're a fan of Perkins is determined to get to t.he internal contlict,!lo attitudc, no drive; pulpy adventure you'll be able to look heart of the disappearances, Y{fhat she he doesn't possess an)' of the great past the weak characters and have a traits that make adventurous hero ,finds is a mystery that grows larger good time just by looking at aU the i}nd larger as it unravels, eventually pretty picmres. But if you're looking characters so enga;:,::ing. Furtho:more putting the entire \vorld 'at risk. But Jude Law's chemistry withG\vyneth fdt arl all-around.winner of a inciVi't~~'" fear not, the Sky Captain arrives.in his Paltrow seems rather off I'm nor one you'll have to look elsewhere at the trusty Spitfire airplane and if there's to normally complain about chemisbox office. anyone that knows how to dispose of tTY, but you don't even get a spark Justmake sure itisl1't NJidm/ El'iL' giant invading robots, it's him. from these two. You are left totaHy ApOii;t!)pJe. spark-less and that's never a good l\:s Joe and Polly try to find the r:i1ystcrious Dr. Totcnkopf, they travel Filip Vukcevic, special to imprint thing.

Environmental Sciences Optometry Physical Sciences

Physiotherapy

Psychology

Veterinary Science

Date:

Monday, Sept 27.2004

Time:

5pm -7pm

VenueG

B1-271 (Biology Building 1, Rm 271)

Or Visit the University of Melbourne Booth in the Student Life Centre from 11 am - 3pm

Mixta eMaster ieee: Random songs on my iPod Dave George-Cosh

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Sol gora new iPod recently andI can't say enough good things about it. It has replaced my NIP3 player/ discmml as my preferred method of rocking out. I've managed to compile over 2,200 songs on it - around six days of music. And the best part of that is I still have a ton of free space to add more. Knowing that 95 per cent of my music is nothing short of awesome, I've used thatwheel-thingy to click on shuffle and have let you, dear reader, conic up with a mi.x-tape tl1at's nothing short of diverse and eclectic. Screaming Trees - Alii Know \Vhenever you think of grunge and Seattle, you think about the regular bands that people generally namedrop. It's a shame thatthe Screaming Trees never really got the same,[ollowing. The chorus' great hook' attenuated with Lanegan's deep, Cohen-like voice makes this song something to check out. Scissor Sisters - Laura The lead song off their debut a1-

bum, I \vasn't fully sold on the Sisters until. I saw their live show at Lee's Palace. Full of energy and fun in that "I took a time machine back to 1977 with an eightball of coke and I'm hitting Studio 54" way. Frontman Jake Shears channels MichealJackson, Boney ",yf and the Bee Gees, complete with a surprisingly amazing sax ou·tro. Ween - Dancing in the Show Tonight (live) The talented duo have been making music for a long time and are renowned for their live shows, which this song was culled. Gene \X'een opens the show by taking on the persona of a seven-year-old girl heading to her ballet recital with tongue firmly in cheek. I fucking love it. Soundgarden - Cold Bitch One of the many b-sides Soundgarden released which were better than album tracks, Chris Cornell and company do a good fob of describing what many men have known for so long. "In your heart, I freeze," indeed.

Ro.cket From The Crypt - Heart of a Rat (live) ['\lthough thequalityisn'tthegreatest, you can still hear the guts of one of the world's best live bands ever. The best part about having bootlegged songs is the stage banter afterwards. \'\'hen you go to their show and Danko Jones yells out, "Best band ever", who are you toargue? Sarah Harmer - Basement Apartment I'm not afraid to admit I own both Sarah· Harmer albums. 1 am, howeve1;, afraid to admit l-didn't fork over the $40 or so to see her play at UW last week. \'{'e should all know this song by now, since itwas pushed 011 us ad flClSftltJ1 a few years ago. dgeorgec@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

FRII;>AY, SEPTEMBER 24, 2004

.'I1"!tl}JD .'. It,'1.IN''l11 Ii'Rrr ', .

The fabled fable· that was Fable This leads me in to theJragic tale of my hero. Initially, he was a nice boy, well brought up~ liJ!." *!i'I" treated everyone kindly, that sort of thing. One • day, I had Chicken Chaser (you have to purchase titles, and I was rather poor at the time) go in to a shop just to browse, and the shopkeeper' charged him with trespassing. So of course, like any respectable citizen, I lopped his head offand kicked it across the town square. As it turns out, that's not exactly legal, so I was forced to wipe out Fable the entire town. From then on I was putelyevil, Xbox and sprouted a nice set of horns to t:h!!.t effect. 59.99 But that's just one way it c~ go. The game sets up scenarios for you where you can either . By now you should have llt least heard a few spare a key character, or kill them. Rather than things about Fable. It's been touted as the most gripe and moim about lost features, lacklustre character development, and the true meaning of anticipated game ever, and also the biggest letdown ever in gaming. . freedom, I'd like to talk about the things that this For those of you who live ,in a Stnall hole ' game did be~er thim any other. underground, or aren't in touch at all with the· The least expected surprise was the atmosgaming world, Fable was hyped to be the best phere that both the environment and musk and most revolutionary RPG ever. It is actually created Thegraveyardareainparticularsurpasses the realism of even Resident Evil's environa gr~at RPG that's extraordinirily innovative. Fable's unique feature is that your character's ments. Bushes and reeds, grey in color, wave in appearance, talents and place in the world are the wind in a fashion that makes YQU think there entiiely dependent on the actions y?U choose. are dead people moving over there. What this means is the more damage you take, Most ofthe game is spent shit-kickingvarious the more scars yourclJ.aracter has. Ifyou eat more. types of classic fantasy enemies like Balverines and don't battle as much; he (no gender choice, (kind of like werewolves, but not protected by sorry ladies) gets fat. copyright). The combatsystemis real-time; relying . Youarealsogivenfreereignovertheoutward on a·comb~tion of button-presses and nimble actions of your character. If.you don't like the analog stick manipulation to kick ass - and kick look of a guy, get him to follow you out of town ass you do. The real sweet bean of the combat and slaughter himmercilessly. Or you can be nice, system is the realism with which your character and greet everybody, and love them all, but that's . swings around,his sword (or giant hammer, as the no full.. casemaybe).ItreaIlygives thefeelingofindiscrimi-

~"~LiII

Tim Alamenciak 1-0p

If you. had any doubt on how evil you could be in Fable, just look at those horns, nately shit-kicking people. Aside from the obvious removal-of-features, most ofthe probleII1sI seewith t:h!s game are not so much things that impede the enjoyment of the -game, but instead are things that should be added to the sequel. One glaringproblem though is loading time. With the Xbox hard drive, this should not be an issue, but each new area must be loaded for about five to ten seconds. If you're travelling somewhere;this means loading time like that every 30 seconds. Oh,aqd fis~ don't even think about

it. You have to wait until the fishing iniQ:latior: loads, then fish, then waituntil the game reload! itself. Pain in the ass. Overall, Fableis quite possibly one ofthe beS1 games I've played in recent times. Five hundrec words is not enough to tell you about all the coo shit you can do to your character, and to othel characters. Although I do adore the game, I fee thatitis more of a stepping-stone towards mon open and free-form gamep~y. talamen@imprint.uwaterloo.cc

Waterloo· beating to its·

own drum' Stacy Morris

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Whoever said that Waterloo lacks school spirit needs to get their hands on the new Warrior Nation CD.' This amazing compilation CD is packed with energy and talent, and best ofall, it promotes UW's own artists, The Warrior Nation CD includes' an eclectic 'mix of17 UW musical talents p~rfonning alternative, hip hop: drum and bass, dance, blues, Brit pop and acoustic sounds. The CD includes . many talented artists, some with a strong follow- . ing, such as Craig Cardiff and some bands to watch out for such as Samsara, whose lead vocal sounds remarkably similar to Gwen Stefani. .Anxious Blue's track "So Empty," is very enjoying perfor~ances. A personal favourite was able. It is an intriguing blend of classical Indian Glory Fades' unconventional music selection Sitar and light alternative, which, complement that had fans on their feet. Tumout at the each other surprisingly well. While the Warrior Bomber was even better than expected and Nation CD quality is not professional, neither is Ocal says that there is a concert series to come. the price. Other bands on the compilation include: Fourth year Waterloo student and CKMS DJ,Arda Ocalrecognized the hidden treasure of Kick, Matt Antaya, Brown, Sweetline, Punlj.tIl, UW's music scene and gave ~irth to the idea of Masters and Modems, The Smokestacks, Factor Fiction, Eon and Dramaturg. a compilation CD showcasing Waterloo's stuTo pick up a copy of the $5 Warrior Nation dent, staff and alumni talent. Both the Feds and CD, visit the Turnkey Deskin the SLC, various UW's radio station, CKMS helped fulld the facultyC&Ds, student society offices (MathSoc, project to make it happen. EngSoc, Sd?oc, etc.) or radi02.feds.ca/ ''The CD is meant to give stttdents another warriomation. All the proceeds of the $5 CD thing to be proud of on campus, because the music scene on campus is just amazing. It's just will be used to initiate a much-needed UW undergrad scholarship fund for students who greatto see evetyoneco~e togetherforsuchagreat exemplify outstanding school spirit. cause. Its something I'm really pleased with." , Warrior Na\ion is a fabulous example of Last Friday the Bomber hosted ~e Warrior school spirit and it celebrates UW's musical Nation CD release parry, which was the same day the CD was released. Four bands featured on the . identity. If you are into music or just wantto support our own then put some Warrior in CD (Sixadrift, Samsara, Paintbox and Glory your nation. Fades) played at the event and all gave outstand-

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FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 2~4

Letting it shine out: Jeremy Fisher~t the Bomber lave George-Cosh

a snap shot of my life at that time." Bom ~in Hl!l1lilton, but currently based in Va,ncouver, Fisherrelishes the 'I love hecklers," d~aqpans J ereroy opportunity to finally expose ~~~f to a Wider audience. Fisher has. had 'a :;;Shet, "andIlove to heckle back. It sets good r~la1i?nship with Waterloo and lrealcQJ;lvetsationalmoo9[d~my :how]." Fisher, one of Sony Music's its area:> ''I love Waterloo. There's a lot of lew signip.gs is in Waterloo touring in upport of his latest albilin,Let It great music that comes. out of that area. I remember the ftrst time I perlhine, his ftrst on a major label. formed here, with an old band at the His music is described as "a :royp of songs that resonate with .. WalperPub. We recorded our show lOnesty, humour and 'self-expres~ and circulated it as our demo fora :ion." Written mostly while on the while. ''You know what I love about, 'Oad touring, Let It Shine is a lyrical llustration ofJ eremy' s experiences [Waterloo]. It's liketi#slittle hotbed )f the world. of great music that no one· knows about. You've got great venues like "I t's. a tip of the hat to my influ:nces,g Jeremy explains," and depicts the Jane Bond, which is probably the MPRINTSTAFF; ..

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I-ookingpensive and calm, Jeremy Fisher looks 'forward to entertaining the crowd this Friday at the Bombshelter. . and I started to feel sorry for nl...}'sS!lf. . ,... . "".. no mic~~one; llc~~ sound system and it was my ftrst wedding~ersru;y. I foundamicrophone covered in duct tape in the lost and found box, taped that to a broomstick and had the best shows of my life."·· Influenced by Mississippi blues, flishercan't irnaginedoinganythingelse withhislife. ''I've been playingmusicall inylife. My careeris travellingalloverthe

'~iTherewas

."'~.

place,gettingup earlyin themomingto catcht:ta.li1s, planes and whatnot" ... '. . Jeremy Fisher is performing at the 'Bomber FridaySepterribet24. Tickets are $6 with yout Watcard, $7 for others and $8 at the door. Doors open at 9 p.m.. More informatibn on Jeremy Fisher can be found online at www.jeremyftshermusic.com. dgeorgec@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Transmetropolitan: f a warning for the future Transritetropolitan Warren Ellis DCVertigo

I have always been1l.firm believer that comics are the next great art. Many of us ftrstleamed to read from the wonTel: 886-7565 1irI. ._ . .~,............,. ._ ........ - derf¢ and witty hi-jinx of Archie, or the heroiC fantasies of the X-Men. Later in life comics lose appeal to all but the mostgeeky ofus. Some move on to great literature, and others to .strange independent movies. There is hope foull past lovers of comics who are simply craving something more intellectual. Warren Ellis delivers it in the form of a dystopian fantasy featuring an ass-k1ckingpsychopathic tragic hero ftgure. How's that for literary devices? The story of Spider Jerusalem spans 60 individual comics,. and follows his journey back in to the modem world. Originally a revolutionary political journalist, Spider was turned offof the modem world and went to li~ein the mountains where he spent the majority of his 1271 Victoria Street, N., Kitchener 578-7205; •. time needlessly blowing shit up.

WATERLOO AT NORTHFIELD

.. . .

best place to see a show in Canada. I've also played the Starlite [Social Club], and will be comingilgairi sometimein October-withBy Divine Right. On theothetside, Vancouver doesn't have venues that are as important as the ones in the WaterIQ<PCommunity. Waterloo's totally gotit going on;" Wriring his albtimhllsd~finitely beenagtowing~riencefor Fisher. Sqme songs were written while in . high school; some were written while busKing on the streets, of Seattle. "There's been a lot ofgrowitlgpairis [with my music].lt's·sort dfwhat happens to you in adokscence,At some level,you:re always a little •.. insecure aboutit and you're alwayS wondering what peeple are going. to think about it. As adults, we grow up and we stop thinking about it.. ''I tty to clear myhead as much as possible to i:ry to get rid of my insecurities. I try to focus on other things important to me in life. I'm intQ yoga, cycling and, believe it or not, knitting. You gotta have other things [to do] to take your mind off [music] and be passionate ab~ut. There's always going to be days you're going to dwell on [music] . and it's going to eat you up. It should be natUral like that and that's inspiring. Musicis always there and .it won't go away." ". Hehasrecentlycompletedanepic. cross~Canada tour on his bicycle,entitled One Less Tourbus, in support ofhis 2001 independent release, Back Porch Spirituals. .One memorable incident while touring sticks out for Fisher. ''Two years ago, in South Dakota, I had to ride 400 miles. across the state in it week to get to my next show. Eventually, I got to Jhe venue, a small coffee shop cailed, The~GreatPlains/

He returned to the life of uber-famous political columnist extraordinaire, and that's where we pick up his.-story. The beauty of this comic is in its fantastic combination of literary arid artistic skills. Spider'scharacteris strong and flawed, as any good hero should be. Eventually, as you see through his

asshole exterior, you realize thatinside. there is an actual person. Kind of. He is placedih an elegantly created dystopia based on the idea that tech- . nology will essentially consume our souls. The world is full of frightening images that make one wonder if that is really how we'll tum out. The most frightening thing is that most of the scenery is drawn as though it is an acmal extrapolation of our' current state. Ellis, and the artists, create a whole new culture seeded by our own. It is unified, and yet divided; controll~d, yet crime runs rampant. Thecharacters.pull you in to the story emotionally, while the art entirely immerses you in it. , The 'entire series commuru.cates a sort ofsocio-politicalcommentary, a message, if you will. It's fantastic, yet qot inplausible. With a dash of traditional comicbook superhero excitement, transme'!Vpolitan makes for an interesting and riveting read that should not be missed. Tim Alamenciak, Imprint staff

1\ff P'' R 'I"NTT it:., ARrr S 1 ' ,1\'.1 . ,--,J.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 24; 2Q04

Poetry"to piss you off Nunt Mingus Tourette Zygote Publishing

''1 drank smoked cussed and fucked my way acroSs the old colonies/ !Uld kep~wakingupfacedownandcoldin

the morning streets of a castigating and alien land! and no matter how debauched how bloodied and how aponymous myself and my virulent whores were/ no matter how many times I shattered/ I was never far enough from the old spectre that . ha~tedme/ such is what the dl:unkard~ allegedly call love/ and the a~ sence'oEit nunto one." If you can get past the brute force ofobsceriityandviolence ofNunt, you will firid that Mingus Toutette is a fascinating wPter. Even ifyou can't tolerate the revulsion this book causes, you probably won't be able to put it down. Tourette was born and raised in' western Canada, and in 2003 ypumay have noticed him On CNN when he was detained bYP9lice for protesting the invasion ofIraq by wearing a gas" , mask and an American flag as a diaper. Hefeels strongly about literature in Canada: ''Poetry is in a state of emergency in this country ... within popular culture, it's aimost invisible. There is some greatwritingont there, but there aren't three writers in the countrywhodon~thave other jobs to support th~msJ"'~s. W~~an:t t~d~ whatever it takes to change that... " When a devastating car accident causedTourette's marriage to collapse, , he rfisponded after years of fighting and pain, by running out the door and travelling around the U.S. alone for the next two years. He spent his time . consorting with prostitutes, getting into ,fistfights, and scribbling his thoughts down on napkins, all in various stages ofintoxication. All the while he was haunted by the spectre of his estranged wife. In his o,wn words, "the only way [he] could. think to end [his marriage] without killing her or , [him]self," was to run away. The result of this catastrophe is Nunt. A, tortured man, Tourette records his desperate attempt to free himselffromhis marriage. The course of this journey is one fraught with self destructive and horrific events. The poetry that results is harsh, dften dis~ gusting, sometimes hilarious, but always poignantly human. The book, originally titl~d "Cunto," has some method to its madness. Tourette explains it this way:"[quntoistherhythnioffucking, it's the breakintheme,it's the division in a poem ... Cuntgovems everything, really. We all base our whole lives on it. Quest for it, fight for it, lie for it, break heads for it. So why not have it govern a whole poem? A whole novel? Cunt is life and, of course, life rules _ poetry. What else would a poem be about, except life? Exceptcunt?" Maybe not the average Joe's take _on life, butit certainly is an interesting . one. How can such a man not make one curious? Despite his crudeness, and often through it, Tourette taps into something touching. .

The University Health Network, Toronto General Hospital is taking part in an international multi-center study of gene~ics and anorexia nervosa. We are looking for people who have or have had anorexia nervosa and who also have another family membersister, brother, cousin, aunt, etc. with anorexia nervosa (no mother/child pairs or identical twins). All participants must be 16 years old and both must be willing to take part in the study. The .study involves assessments, questionnaires, and a sr:nall blood draw for each participant. No travelling is required, everything can be done where you live. Participants will be compensated for out of pocket expenSes. Find out if your family qualifies, can Adrianne at 416-340-5388 e-mail: Adrianne.hlavenka@uhn.on.ca,. website: wwyv.angenetics.org

There is no dou!;>t, when reading his words, that everyone is completely honest. That too, is so unique it seems . almost unattainable. Yet here it is. One'has to admit that they have encountered somet:hi.Q.g intriguing when they are teading about faceless, bloody sex and a menagerie of drugs, yet they can't help but be touched by the insights revealed by it. There is something to be foUnd at· rock; bottom. And Nuntrevels in $e rock bottom that Toutette lived for -two years. Ifnothingelse;curiositywill keep the pages turning until you've re'lldthis book two times in one sit.., ting. Laura Katsirdakis, editor-

Umvers~·Health ~etwork

in~chief

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At ExxonMobil Canadll, an industry leader' in energy productio.n, we have grown from modest' roots to become one of the nation IS largest' oil anrgas exploration and production companies. Our affiliate, the ExxonMobil Business Support Centre Canada ULC, provides high quality customer support and info~tion technology services to Imperial Oil in Canada and to other ExxonMobilaffiliates worldwide. With operations in more t1!an 20a countries' around the world, we truly are a-global company. What this means fbr you is endless job potential and the opportunity to diversify your career path while still working within the ExxonMobil family. ' Developing our greatest asset, our employees, is an integral part of our business. As a new employee, you'll soon discover that our managers 'and supervisors are committed to fostering an environment that supports continuous'l'ersomil and professional growth. They'll work with.you, as both mentors and coaches, to take . your career wherever you want it to go. To find out more about the many opportunities waiting for you at the ExxonMobil companies in Canada, come see us at our Information Session.

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What a beauty! The QM2 makes waves down tbe St.lawrence river eariler this week, after bypassing Sy~ney, NS to avoid Ivan's entrails.

For Q~een Mary, size does. matter ,

its sister-vessels the world-renowned - and night clubs, it ballroom and a host of world150,000 tonne vessd can be controlled by a Cunard-owned - Queen Elizabeth, 'Que~n renowned chefs. single ,joystick, allowing the ship to m6ve Mary, and Queen' Elizabeth 2. It's not only the massive ,size ,or the aseasily in and out of port without the aid of a Though size does seem to maÂ˘er, to the tounding luxury oppo~ties that set the The St. Lawrence River is currendy playing , tugboat. In stormy waters, this, massive ship Queen.Mary 2 apart from other vessds. The needs four 70 tonne stablizers that extend host to one of the largest, qlosU~ous and makers of the QM2 atleast, the massive length and girth of this seagoing vessel aren't its only ship also has some falltastic technologies on Jrom the hull on 30 seconds' notice to:red~ce most technologically advanced sea-going vessels in the world. The Queel1 Mary 2 suCcessbragging rights. Cunard boasts about the ves l board; Using waste heap frqm ~~ Ship's~-"!'ii~p\1iPY up tq 90 per cent. . "', ','" With all these advances and luxuries inCOI:fully completed its inaugural voyage from South-- sd's size- it's only 117 feet shorter than the gines, distillers produce over 630 toones 0f ampton, England to F~rt Lauderdale, Florida, Empite State building is tall. The QM2 also fresh water per d~y on board, over half the porated into one single vessel, the QM2 cercontains an exttaordinaryarray o(amenities, vessel's 1,100 tonne-per-day usage. Designed ,tainly has something to brag about. You'd earlier this year and is currendy moving its nearly 2,600 capacity hull through Canadian including a full-scale planetarium, $5 million with smokdess exhaust diesel 'engines aidedh~pe so, because they've sure paid' for it. Iii one final fun fact that begs to be pointed-but, waters. , in commissioneo artwork, a 1,000 seat theatre, ' hy gas turbines, ait pollution is kept minimal. Billed as the "largest, longest, tallest, great- ' an 8,000 plus volume library, seven class- Sophisticated sewage treatment and recycling. ' Cunard notes that theQM2 is the most expensystems hdp to minimize the ship's enviton- sive cruise ship ever built, listing its ,estiniated est, widest and grandest ocean liner in the rooms (incl~ding a 500-seat auditoriUm) and a world" by the company that operates the 20,000 square foot health centre/day spa. 'mental impact. The ship's refrigeration and ait <;ost at around $800 million. One can only conditioning plants are designed to achieve no imagine what wonders the company's' next Queen'Mary 2, Cunard Line,' the vessd is That's right, a 20,000 square foot day spa, vessd - the Queen Victoria, due in the water ozone depletion. certainly something to marvel at. At a length compl~te with both herbal and Finnish sauAn array of flat-screen monitors deliver in 200T- will boast. nas. This is all, of co.lltse, above and beyond of 1,132 feet and Ii height of 236 feet, the ship the regular amenities that one might expect to 'an-vessel status -informati~n on the, bridge. boasts record-breaking proportions. It weighs adilts@imprint.uwaterloo.ca more than 150,000 gross tons. It finds am~ng find on a luxpry vessd - swimming pools, Amazingly enough, the acttons of the entire Andrew Dilts

IMPRINT STAFF

Modified mosquitoes may prevent malaria everyone's mosquito woes. Then there was the whole "Let's import a foreign predator to kill off this pest" line of thinking when nonchemical solutions were in vogue. These days it's fashionable to (attempt to) solve our'pest prohlems using genetic engineering. Welcome to the 21st century! c. ' However, there is reason to think this http://W1II1I(.comm.org/ repotts/FPI-Spt2004.pdf. initiave will he successful~ It has been known for sometime that some mosquitoes transmit In this case, genetic engineering can't be malaria, while others do not. I twas discovered worse than the alternative earlier this year by researchers in the EuroMichael L. Davenport. For some people, the words "genetically modi- pean MolecuIai Biology Laboratory (located IMPRINT STAFF Want to save the environment? fied" set off' alarm bells. We~veall seen in Heidelberg, Germany) diat there. are four That bulging vein in your forehead says Build your house out of wood , Greenpeace's "How to avoid Genetically mosqqito proteins that affect whether or hot you're one step closer to death A tecent study found that wood is one of the Modified Foods" posters irIthe SLC, whether the n;talarii parasite can survive in the mosIn accordance with popular opinion, heart most envitonmentally friendly building mate- ' we think they have valid ca,use for concern ot quito; Two of the proteins discovered killed the disease is linked to anger, a study at Duke"" rials. . 'think they're a bunch ofparanoid technophobic University found. Associate Professor Edward The study was conducted by the Consor- luddites. malaria parasite while in the mosquito's gut, However, scientists at the University of. ,while the other two proteins actually protected Suarez, who led the study, published in the' tium for Research on Renewable Industrial journal Psychosomatic Medicine, determined that MateriliIs (CORRIM) , which is an association California, are in the Hudst of a genetic engi~ . the fualaria parasite. It's not exacdy a simple anger and hostility trigger the production of a of several universities (none of them Cana- neering experiment. that, approaches ine:- mattet to engineer the mosquitoes we want and proachable: they're working on mosquitoes then try to make them displace the wild mos-. protien called "C-reactive pr9tein" (CRP} in dian, sadly). \ that cannot transmit malaria. quitoes, hu'tisn't savingthe 1.5~2. 7 million lives otherwise healthy people. Studying residential housing in Minneapolis "Approaches irreproachable" is ,not lost' to malaria every year worth a shot?, Don't be fooled by the labd "protein." andAdanta,CORRIMtookintoaccountmany "infallable" - there was a time (in the late This is not a good thing! ~RP is known for fac~ors, such as the c:netgy requited to trans'40s) y,rhenitwas thought that DDTwould fix , mdavenport@imprint.uWaterioo.ca promoting heart. attacks and stroke, and is port the building material to site, energy reused as a factor to indicate the probability of a person suffering from heart disease. . According to Suarez, highCRP levds are tied to all the factors we normally associate with heart disease (like smoking and obesity). , However, people who don't have these tradi, tional risk facto;s but are prone to anger also 'have elevated levels of CRP. Any centenarian will tell you die key to long life is to be happy. Angry people have heart attacks and die sooner. This should come as no surprise.

quited to produce the material, anp the contribution . that the' production of the material made towards global warming. , As it turned out, wood harvested" from sustainable forests b~at out both sted' and concrete for envitonmental-.friendliness. If you would like to read the. report for yourself, it can be found online at .

CECS

Friday, ~ 2.4,2004 "'., Career Services Wotk:shciPsI l$er' Writin~:~llhowto ~Jetter

to'yout advaiitilge in the job search. 2:3(

- 3:30 p.m. rC 2218~ ~'Writlng: D~ver ~echniques fOI Wtitmg'lUl effective .resume. 3:30 - 4:3( p;riI. TC 2211V .' ..

Registeron1ine fotthese-workshops a' .www.C3ieersetv1.ces.uwater!oo.ca. S;tturday, ~ 25, 2004

Career ServiCes WOrkshops:

UPCOMING

Ini:re~ your; chances of .a successf\t: . application to med school, thro~gh ap. Propriate un4ergraquate .course seIcc, ~n, tactics "for improVing your grades, advke on paidlvolunteer work and ex· tr&curricutar~ities and more. Check th~ Caftret Se.rvices "Wurksh()ps & Events" \V~ .Site for regi&\tlition details. 6- 1() porn. TC 2218. ' '.

MondaY.;~i7, 2004 . ·CO;.op 'job ptlStings. (Main & AcooUllt~a~iad:t1O"DL"N'ote: "Main"

siOD ladders.

professional mechanic tools

inclnding snap on t9<>ls; hand and. air ~e~}~~el"lf~•. torqUe wrenc~,. etc ..

Octciberfest, 'the former Water'looffrain. ,.B~j' itemS:' twg playpeus. high chairs, 3 "U f t ' . L · , '.,..;, -L:W!i _:'.1' .s · etc,;,Numerous 1-o1!,er"Ulston~e)I;IlWmHm... '-'1.:_L~ -< ·labl d'f..utm "' ....' 'tfuation to¥1sitorS.\.Priendly~'··J~ ,.A,Il ". me. ..and ~oll~b1e adults Ilte r~re4Jor f,~~ ~.~! 2004. - -', ·ttu-ee~.Hi)Ul',Vbltmt~r s~fts to'greei~.

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Stfmg;'QUartei" Arg\lably

assist,visitorJj. V~luteers will work: in "thefih~~uthe.rn ~phere q~ 'pairS;.Call Anne at 88,5.:8828'1:0 vOIun- . , the NZ haVe nnwe ftiendi·~owid the ,'teet. ..., " " wodd~ Hear the~ at IMO p.in. KWCMS

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,Spass,'NSpielneedSyou! Help Outaf this ,.' hW.k-wcms.com, 'emat1: . ~~ar; ~l9~l6n,~ 'on sitnday,~6j:ier lZ!h. Adults'lllid 'WorkIStudy Abroad {wSANet) F':ur at ,teens (age 16+},can voIunt~ to' ~e UW"'Th¢6thanttualllWSANetlnterna-. . ~·UtJUD $pori:1!hal~:'; '.tiOlial ~&it' is ~ &lla in . .... ~~ C~~, at8~- ·the~,ear~Stll~<1~irom 122D eXt. 2..41 tovoJunte'er.v, .', ~, 11:00 a.m'. to.3:00 p:ni. There ate~4() ,Sin~ W.anted - 1U.e.Wayp,t: Gilpin' '; educational~etlCies participatingip this - <SiUgettmfl'* all~{es~allyftn- .event;reptc$en~ inSti~froIn:~ -"~~'"'' .ealilbr1lia, on and basses) ,to ;ludition for itS fotth- ,'Australia,Unite<i States, £Ul'ope and . comjngseaso!l.1heWayneGilpinSing- ",~.$,~allnter~g;.~lities, ers is a chambei: choir based in W.au:rloo. exist for CanadiansIU\V students to, be- ' ',~~hel~(l:veryMonaayevening .. comemvolVed mm~oruil.volwiteerl ";;£un~~'~~obetfest.6unilyevent

.iiiiiiiiiii

&om 7:30 .. 1:30

at Luther

LIBRARY

'.-

FRIDAY. SEPTEMBER 24, 2004

PORTS

J ffor kicks Warriors fael off with QUIIO'S -pall '1.7

sports@irnprint.uwaterloo.ca

Forde shelved with season-ending injury UW's top offensive threat breaks fibula; York's Durie ties CIS touchdown record Adam McGuire' IMilRINt STAFF

The Waterloo Warriors lost more than a football game last weekend when they. su£fered a 55-33 defeat at the hands of the York Lions. Warriors' wide receiver and return specialist Ian Forde, a 2003 OUA allstar, suffered a broken left fibulainthe first quarter ofSaturday's loss, ending the'star speedster's 2004 season.. "His contribution is ~more than just his athletic ability,"saiu UWhead coach Chris Triantafilou. "That is goingto be missed." The injury occurred during an innocent-lookingplay in the first quarter following an Alex Balloway touchdown·. During the convert attempt, Forde was forcing an opponent to the Dutsidewhena teammate was knocked into Forde's lower half, cutting the star wideout's legs out from underneath him; Forde said he belj.eved the injury was no more than a mild ankle tweak. until he tried to get back to his feet after the kick. That is when Forde realized his injury was more serious than he first expected. "At first, I thought it was 'just a' sprain," Forde said. "But when I got IIp to walk' on ~t, I felt th~ bone rub together. I was in a lot of pain." . While Forde's2004 season is over, the injury actually could have been worse for his long-term career. Because theinjurywas a clean break ofthe fibula bone, no surgery will be required to repair Forde's damaged leg. He will be on crutches for 4 to 6 weeks before beginning a long rehab stint that will lead into intensive winter training: However, the injury could not have come at a worse time for Forde, as he will now miss his chance to further impress professional scouts in. the

season leading up to his eligibility for the 2005 Canadian Football League draft. Butwhile Fordeis skeptical about hisdiances to be selected by pro club, Triantaftlou said his wideouthas already made his name among professional9ubs. ' "I know (pro' scouts) like him," Triantafiloucommentea. "Ian has put up the numbers in the past." - Expectations were high for Forde . this seaSOIT, as the third-year history major from Cambridge was coming off a 2003 campaign where he was named OUA first-team all-star kick

~'At

first I thought it was just a . sprain ... But when I got up to walk on it, I felt the bone rub tog"ether. I was in a lot of pain." .-Ian Forde, . Warriors' receiver

returner and second-teamall-starwide receiver. His offensive exploits will b~ difficult to replace, as Forde le.d the Warriors in receiving yards (631), catches (29), kick return yards (552), punt return yards (372) and touchdowns (8) in 2003. However, Triantafilou was quick to point oqt Forde's intangible quali- . ties off the field will still be needed by the club as the offe~siv~ sparkplilg rehabilitates his injury. "He's one of the best kids to ever come throl.lgh this program," Triantafilou said. "He's just adapted.

He's a special guy that way." "Now I just try to show up and' help the rookies out," Forde. said of his new role with the team. "I kind of have~more of a 'coach's perspective [no.,W)." Lost in the devastating injury was another dismal performance by, the UW defence as, for the second straight week, the Warriors were lit up byastar running back. Only a week after McMaster'sJesse Lumsden ran roughshod over the warriors for 344 yards on the ground, York's Andre nurie tied CIS record with. six touchdowns against UW on only 12 carnes. Durie also racked up 211 yards during the . UW home opener. Although Triantaftlou recognizes Durie as one of the best backs in the province, he was noi: offering any excuses for the UW run defence last Saturday. '''We didn't tackle worth a lick," he said. '''We can't accept that." . The game was a story of ebb and flow, as UW jumped out to an 11-0 first quarter lead before surrendering 55 straight points, including Durie's six trips the end zone. In the fourth quarter, Waterloo rebuilt som<; oftheir shaken confidence by answering back with 22 points. Heading into their next game on' the road versus Queen's, Triantaftlou . said his defence has to become more . aware if the Warriors are to have any chance ofstopping the potentGolden Gaels runrring attack,. consisting of Bryan Crawford and Michael Navo. ''1 know they're gqing to try and run, we know that," the coach said. ''We just want to put our defence in a position where they can read [plays as] run or pass." The Warriors will travel to King-' ston tomorrow (September 25) for their match up versus Queen's at 2 p.m. before hosting the battIe of Waterloo"With cross-town rivals Laurier on October 2 at 7 p.m.

amcguire@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

. ADAM MCGUIRE

UW Quarterback Jon Morbey, seen here working out at praCticelast Wednesday. will have to find a new favourite target after Warriors' wide receiver Ian Forde suffered a broken fibula in ~ast week's 55-33 loss to York. Forde will be out for the remainder of the 2004 season, but his injury will not require surgery.. M RUGBY

Wednesday, September 22, 2004 4:00 pm us Windsor Lancers UW North Campus Field 1 W FIELD HOCKEY

Sunday, September 26, 2004 . 12:00 pm, us McGill Redmen 5:00 pm us· Toronto Varsity Blues

Wednesday, September 29, 2004 7:00 pm us Guelph Gryphons Altgames at University Stadium

BASEBALL

Sunday, September 26, 2004

,THIS WEEK IN

1:00 & 3:00 pm us WLU Golden Hawks Jack Couch Park, Kitchener

ATH'LETICS. S

SAXON

Scott was the first university finisher an(l fifth ov~raLL to lead the Warriors to a fifth place finish at this past weekends Don Mills Invitational held here in Waterloo. Scott finished the 8km race in a time of 25:29.

••~".~.f'~' . , <

MEAGAN .wILSON, FIELD HOCKEY Meagan scored 4 goals on. the weekend in helping the Warriors get off to' a 2-0-1 start to the season. She sc'ored at least one goal in each game and was a strong presence on the field; both offensively and defensively. Waterloo defeated York 3-0, tied Western 2-2, and blanked McGill 5-0.

FRIDAY. SEPTEMBER 24, 2004

Root, root, root for the Cub-hies

The UW men's soccer club came up with a 2·1 victory last weekend versus Queen's to claim their first win of 2004.

ayne marker lifts UW over ueen's Adam McGuire

The Chicago Cubs /lave t6 make the postseason. Granted, there are about a dozen teams with their collective eyes on the playoffs and, based on baseball merits alone, each one is worthy ofa chance to play in October. But the Cubs are not about worthiness. The Cubs are about karma. And ifthere is karma in baseball, the Chicago Cubs will make theposrseason. As ofSeptember 21, baseball's loyeable losers from the windy city were only a half game back of the San Francisco Giants for the National League "vild card playoff spot. And, although the Cubs have enjoyed recent success ~includingarun to the League Champions hip Series last year - die-hard Cubs fans deserve baseball in October this season. Baseball nuts on Chicago's south side have endured a lot - bitterly frigid April home openers, last year's fan interference ftasco,which possibly cost the Cubs a trip to the Fall Classic, and a 96-year championship drought causcd by the mythicalcurse ()f the Billy Goat Tavern (onlyin Chicago C/ln a ccnturylong h)sing streak be based on a barnyard animal). Th1'o\v in Ozzy Os bourne's gut -wrenching rendition of Take lvie ONt'to the BaJlgame last summer and it is easy to see that Cubs fans have suffered enough. 'TI1e Cubs havc habitually been the type oHranchisewhcre successis based on beer sales and judging by how much alcohol it used to take to endure nine innmgs of Cubbie-ball, the team has had a string of rich years while they dwelled in divisional basements. But that's all·the more rcason to root for the Cubs now that they are competitive.In fact, there is more reason than

Payman Charkhzarin has been battlingaknee ailment in the ftrstpartof 2004, while stalwart miQftel~ler Mark Prior to their game against Queen's, . Accardi has beep hampered by a bad 1JW ~nen' s soccerc6acb:]\Te'ft:±Mltticie'i'~~anklc.However, .Mackie thin.kshis club's sputtering offense is on the told his players the game was a mustwin for the clilb. Andthanks to some verge of improvement as his stars late-game heroics, the \y'arriors did return to health. not disappoint. "We're lacking finishing a bit," Reserve midfielder Jeff Payne's Mackie said. "But it will get there. goal in the 87th minute pJ;oved to be \X'e've got to get our full complement the difference as the \Xiarriors beat the of players back." Queen's Golden Gaels 2-1 , recording Thc·Warriors will continue the their ftts t win of the 2004 season last 2004 campaign on the road this weekweekend at north C:ampus. end when they travel to the nation's The win was made all the more capital to take on Carleton on Sunday, important after U\V' endured a someSeptember 26. Waterloo will then re~ what sluggish start to the season, . turn home to host the \V'estern Musfalling in their season opener against tangs on Saturday, Octoberl at 1 p.m. Windsor earlier this month. "jUter dropping points to \v!indamcguire@imprint.uwaterloo.ca sor, it put a lot of pressure on us to get a good result against Queen's," 1\1ackie said. "ltwas gut check time for us and we were able to pull it out. It "vas a huge win for us." The G olden Gaels opened up the * Network with over 170 scoring in the 25th minute when employers David Kerr Vayne found the back of * Learn about career the goal. However, a halftime deficit opportunities did not discourage the Warriors, as UW forward Hobby Morse drew his * Build confidence for club even at the 48th minute. The interviews by meeting game remained deadlocked until employers now Payne, coming off the bench, broke the tie for good. "\V'e applied more ball pressure [in the second halfl," Mackie said. "\Vewere rewarded with an early goal." Now that the \l(iarriors have registered their ftrstvictory, i\fackie said his focus will no\v move to improying . his club's Hank play, as well as getting RIM PARK the \V'arriors more ftt for the rest of 2001 University Avenue, E. the season. WATERLOO i\fackie also said his team needs to (fromHu get healthier, as the \'(7 arriors havc Theatre 1:3 manities Us LaY-1:3 ) been forced to deal with a number of FREE transportation provided Y nagging injuries thus far in 2004. CIS rookie of the year in l003, FREE admission with student/alumni ID IMPRINT STAFF

2004 CAREER

Wednesday, September 29/04 1 0:00a.m. to 3:30 p.m. at

evcr before to support the Cubbies. First, the Cubs' roster is as strong as it has ever been. Their pitching staft~ complete \vith aces Kel1:y Wood, Mark Prior and Greg Maddux, is as good as any in baseball. They also have a lot of pop in. their batting ordcr and the addition of No mar Garciaparra at the trade deadline certainly didn't hurt their chan·ces either. l\ solid Cubs roster comes along as often as a clear thought from Jessica $impson, so the Cubs can't let this chance go to waste. Besides, itis easy to root for ateam when their main opponents - ·the Giants - are so easily hated. In case you needed another reason to despise super-jerk Barry Bonds, just remember that evcry home run he swats is pushingthe poor Cubbies further away from billy goat exorcism. Evenlong-time Cubs play-by-play man Harry Caray, who passed away in 1998, deserves a shot at a title. For Cubbies fans allover America, Caray's semi-slurred call of "Cubs win! Cubs

win!" would have been even sweetel after.a World Series victory. And with Caray's grandson Skip now in the broadcast booth, C\1bs fans would love to hear those words come late October. The Cubs players, their fans and even a dearly departed broadcaster all need the Cubs to make the postseason, bccause ifChicago is able to squeakinto the playoffs, the club could yery well march all the way to the World Championship. Maybe the only reason to root against them is that a Cubs title would most surely bring about the apocalypse, given the staggering amount of tough luck this team has played through. But for Cubs fans, there would be no better way to leave this world than with a World Series in 2004. Besides, they'd all get to hear Harry call the games again. amcguire@imprint.uwaterioo.ca

University of

JOB OPPORTUNITY

Student Services Training Team

Waterloo

Student Services is looking for students to join our training team that is responsible for delivering the Orientation Leader Training program. Teams of two wn(pres~nt fout training modules on You are . . . Waterloo, what every leader should know, Harrassment and Diversity, and Health and Safety. The sessions will be offered throughout the Winter, Spring and Fall terms. In addition, you will pres~nt our series of interactive educational programs, "Bridges" which addreses topics like Alcohol, Budgeting and Where to find Housing. Successful candidates must be full or part-time registered (including co-op) undergraduate students in good academic standing. Applicants must also have a sincere interest in Orientation and Student Life, excellent presentation and oral communication skills, knowledge of on-campus resources and an interest in learning to facilitate discussion among peers. Each member of the team will be expected to work between two and ten hours a month and will be paid $1 O/hour. Successful eandidates will also be paid for training they receive before beginning the program. "

First and Second Year Students are encouraged to apply! Interested candidates should forward a resume and cover letter, by Friday, October 15. 2004, explaining why they would like to join the Training Team to: Heather FitzGerald Student Life Co-ordinator Needles Hall 3006 888-4567, ext. 6876 More information about Orientation and Bridges can be found on the Student Services Web Page: http://www.studentservices.uwaterloo.ca.

l)()lrrS Get in shape with Campus

Rod McLachlan IMPRINT STAFF

Black Kn!ght squash tournament returns

Campus Rec is bringing back the Black Knight sqllash tournament on October 2. " ... the Black Knight tournament is your chance to try out new racquets, play some great squash and win some great prizes, including a new Black Knight squash racquet," reads a Campus Rec press release. The event will run from 9 a.m. until 6 p.m. and will cost $16 per person. The deadline to register is September 28 at noon in the PAC athletics office. Getting fit is getting easier with Campus.Rec

''Yes, you still need to do the work, but if you are looking for answers ori what to do-look to Campus Recreation," reads a Campus Rec press release. ''We have a number ofcourses in October to help you with your training." Campus Rec is hosting nutrition workshop on Sunday, September 17 at 12 p.m. for two and a half hours. Participants will increase their knowledge of the food that they eat and which foods they should be eating for their particular training program. ;In order to maximize a workout, this worksha'p will assist students in developing pre-workout and post-

Re~

workout meals. The cost ofthis course is $15. The second program being offered by Campus Rec aims to help students get in shape as well. It focuses on designing weight programs. Participants will路 learn the best way to use weights in their specific.training program, as well as receive sample weight training programs. Students can expect to have their questions on sets, reps, tempo and rest periods answered bya UWkinesi~ ology grad who t~aches the course. Participants will alsQleam how to maxi7 mize their time when working out. This program will be held on Sunday, October 17 from 3 p.m:. uotil 5:30 p.m. and also costs $15. The final "get fit" program being offering by Campus Rec focuses on strength trainingforwomen. The program aims to teach participants howto integrate strength trainingintoacardio workout. Those who plan on taking this workshop can expect "active, hands-on" experience at the CIF. This class will be held on Saturday, October 23 from ~ a.m. until 1. p.m. The pro. gram's cost is $15. UW running group holds second meeting, first run.

The members of Campus Rec's running group ar~ holding their second gathering of the fall term on Monday, September 27 at 6 p.m. in the Physical Activities Complex in room2021. The group consists of runners of various skilllevels,including5kmrunnersand those athletes who are interested in preparing for marathons. Interested runners can expect to路 receive information on local trails that:

programs

are ideal for running enthusiasts. Pointers on training will be offered as well. After the meeting!ldjourns, the group's members will go on their first run'of the term. Everyone who has any sort of in~ terestis encouraged to attend, regardless of skill level. Those interested in being a group manager or tho,se who would simply like more information should get in touch with Annette at 888-4567 ext. 7126.

These upcoming tournaments are even more fun when you get some friends together. . .Flag football turkey ball will be held on Saturday, Octoher 2 from 9 a.m. uniil6 p.m. and costs $50 per team. It is described as a seven-a-side noncontact flag football tournament. There. are three divisions: competitive A, B and co-ed. The sign-up deadline is 'September 29 in the PAC athletics office. Got nothing to do on a Sunday? Come out to the UltimateFlyin' Frenzy, which is going to be run on Sunday, October 3 from 9 a.m. unti16 p.m. This event costs $30 per team and is a seven-a-side ultimate tournament. There will be competitive A and B divisions. The registration deadline is September 28. Also, anyone intetested in lending a hand in running the ultimate tournament should contact Marc Iturriagaat888A567 ext. 5693.

-with files from UW Campus Rec press release and Alichelle Robinson rmclachlan@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

i Get YourFil~1 .

I I

I I I I I I I I I I I

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Field hockey tea~ goes undefeated j

Cl!.mpus Rec promotes its upcoming tourneys

,--------------------------------

I at the

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 2004

I I I I

I I I

--------------------------------~

Rod McLachlan and Jeff Anstett IMPRINT STAFF SPECIAL TO IMPRINT

UW's Meagan Wilson scores four for field hockey team

After three weekend contests in the nation's capital, Waterloo's field hockey team has started this y.ear's regular season without a loss. On Saturday, September 18, in their first game of' the weekend, Waterloo handily defeated theYork Lions 3-0 at Carleton's Minto Sportsplex. Fourth-year economics student J essalyn Jennings, third-year recreation student Meagan Wilson and second-year pre-optometry student Allison Pay were the goal scorers for Waterlo\>o . During the September 19 game versus Western,Jiuilelle Witsel and Wilson tallied goals for Waterloo in the first half of the路 contest. However, the Mustangs were able to rally with two markers coming from Virgina Richie and Lindsay DoH In the end, neither team was able t9 breakaway and the game finished in a2-2 draw. A few hours later, WaterloQ once again took to the field in a Sunday matinee match against McGill. Wilson, this week's UW female athlete ojfthe week, added two more goals to increase her weekend scoring total to four, and Witsel, Vicky Lourder andJess Butler also chipped in with second period goals. The Warriors cruised to a 5-0 win and, in the process, improved their record to 2-0-1. In their home opener, Waterloo will host McGill on September 16 at 12 p.m. at University Stadium.

with files from QUA online

Waterloo hosts Don Mills Open cross-country event

On Saturday, September 18, UW hosted its signature cr~ss-country running event with ov.er 250 individuals competing' to take the top prize. In the 4 km women's race, 11 teams fielded 99 participants. On the' men's side, 14 teams fielded athlete's in the 8 km race with 155 of the men going the distance and finishing the race. Warrior Scott Arnald was the top finisher for the home team with a fifth place finish in individual competition. He came in ftrstplace out of all university competitors with a time of 25:29, which secured him UW male athlete of the week honours.

Also, UW's Mike Logue grabbed eighth place and Kevin Smith wound up in 25th place. Nine other Warrior runners finished the race, including . UW scoring team members Adam Lalone, 58th,' and Colin Lawrence, . 65th. The men's performances earned them a fifth place finish overall in the team race and a third place finish out of university teams. For the female Warriors, sophomore sensation Val Taiikina turnedin the strongest performance by coming in 27th place. Ten other female runners competed for Waterloo; of note, co-captains Joanna Fedy 'and Laura Sardone came in 41 st and 51 strespectively, These performances produced a ninth-place showing for the women Warriors. The next race that Waterloo will be fielding athletes in is on September 25 at the UWO Invitational. Warrior pitchers shine in split with Western

Star pitcher Shane Riley struck out eight and allowed only two hits in helping the Warriors defeatthe Westem Mustangs 3-0 in the ftrst game of a doubleheader on Sunday, September20. Helping the cause offensively was Chris Dietrich, who doubled in the winning run. Jeff Murdoch and Brendan Smith also helped the cause with RBI doubles. The victory; a complete game shutout, was Riley's third in as many games. Riley has now allowed only five hits this season and has still yet to give up a run in 21 innings. On September 12, . he threw a complete game no-hitter, the ftrstin Warrior history, versus the University of Toronto Varsity Blues. In the second game of the twin bill, the Warriors weren't so fortunate losing 2-1. Despite the loss, pitcher Derek Junkin threw six innings of two-hit ball, striking out nine. On Wednesday, September 22, the Warriors played a doubleheader against the Guelph Gryphons, losing the ftrst game by a score of 4-1 and the second

11-2. The Warriors record now stands at 7-7 and they hold 4th place in the hotly路contested OUA. ~

with flies from UW athletics

rmclachlan@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

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FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 2004

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Soccer Warriors. face stiff weekend road test in Ottawa ,

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Confidence runs high for coach and players as Waterloo endures tough schedule Rod McLachlan IMPRINT STAFF

In order to win on consistent basis a coach needs everything to come together at the same time, so to speak. For women's soccer head coach Peter Mackie, goalkeeping has not been an issue and neither has defet,lcethahks in large part to thesolid play o[the UWdefensive corps oflate., -However, coach Mackie would like to see J enna J amani bury her chances, especially after a to~gh2-010ss to the Queen's Golden Gaels on~aturday, September 1g iti. the Warri()rs' home opener. "We've played three fantastic games [this season]," said Mackie. "Our goalkeeping has been outstanding." In particular, rookie goaltenders Kelly Ogden and Catherine Vanderburgh have impressed Waterloo's coach. ''We haven't had a bad game yet," confided Mackie. It's not surprising that Mackie is happy wi his goalk:eeping~onsid eringth .t his Wa,r;\ors,have only lost by a combined 3-0 score to two na- . tionally-ranked teams, nti}:I).ber five Queen's and number six Western. With last Saturday'S loss to Queen:'s,WaterlQ9 drops. to 1-2,on "th,c;;_season, Kara Kitts' and Mia Lawson~;re the goal scorers for the Queen's Golden Gaels, while Kate Chambers turned aside all of Water100's s4.ots for the shutout. "I was really pleased with our performance. You're never pleased with the result when you drop a game, but we played really well [versus Queen's]," commented Mackie. "Our confidence is high. We're really comfortable with our goalkeeping - our keeping kept us in those games." This weekend, the Warriors will head to the city of Ottawa to play against the number two nationallyranked University of Ottawa on Saturday at 1 p.m. and Carleton on Sunday at 3 p,m. "This weekend is huge for the women, It's always difficult to win on the road," confessed Mackie. In the meantime, UW's head coach wants to work on a few things before he and the team ride the bus to Ottawa. "We need to improve our wide play and [confront] our inability to score. "We've got to get Jenna ITamaniJ going. She's played three games, but she's just been unfortunate not to score." However things work out, this weekend will be one of the Warriors' toughest tests of the season.The Ottawa Gee-Gees sport a 2-0-1 record and are comingoffofa pair ofweekend wins, including a 5-1 romp over RM:c.

Also, Carleton shouldn't be taken lighdy after they beat Trent 6-1 last Saturday and now have a 2-1-0 record heading into their wee~end match

against the Waterloo Warriors. Following this weekend's challenging road games, the Warriors' schedule will get a lot more friendly for the last half of the women's season. The Warriors will play four of their last six games at home. As well, one Of those two,reroaining home games will.be agai~st the. WilfriCl Laurier Golden Haw:ks.which is only a shqrtdistance away ~d willfe~llike a home game anyway .. -with files from Adam McGuire

rmclac~@imprint.uwa~erloo.ca

Warrior fourth-year winger Nicole Grinstead lines up a shot last weekend versus Queen's.

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