2004-05_v27_no28_Imprint by Editor Imprint

UNIVERSITY OF WATERLOO STUDENT NEWSPAPER

FEBRUARY 25, 2005

VOL 27, NO 28

IMPRINT. UWATERLOO.CA

Feds successors are prepared to succeed

MOHAMMED JANGDA

The 2005-2006 Federation of Students executive members strike their winning poses after hearing qf their election success. Bianca Tong IMPRINT STAFF

The polls have now closed, the ballots have been counted and the mud has stopped being slung. With the highest voter turnout (18 per cent) in recent years, the heated election has finally decided the 2005-2006 Feds executive, Students' Council and Senate members. J ohn Andersen (president), Carmen Lam (VP administration and finance), Howie Bender (VP education) and Lawr~nce Lam (VP internal) will serve as your Federation of Students

executive. Winners for the Students' Council and Senate can be found in the continuation of this story on page 3. Half of each of the Students First andBlue tickets were chosen, and when asked how they could work together to form a minty executive, the new politicians were optimistic. "You always hope that the whole ticket gets voted in but you must also be ready to work with others .. .In our case, we might have to compromise on certain details of our plan to ensure our work benefits students as much as possible," said incoming VP Education

Howie Bender. Bender beat out his closest competitor Bobby Naini by 20 votes. One of the major issues of the election centered around vatiety and was echoed by Carmen Lam, "Diversity within a ticket is what makes each ticket work and same goes for our situation now and having a common ground will help us learn to work together as a team." Feelings of elation and relief abounded at the close of the arduous electionpetiodandmanyexecsarelooking forward to getting their lives back "Being able to just bum around the

apartment watching Simpsons on Sunday night was just what I needed to convince myselfthat campaigningwas over with," said incoming VP internal LawtenceLam. AsforJohnAndersen, returning to his current VP internal position has been at the top ofhis list. "As soon as I was allowed back into the office, I was there. In working for the Federation ofStudents, you realize that you have to give up some of the things you took for granted, like having a life." In addition to voting for next year's execs, two referenda were held, and both received quorum to pass (at least

seven per cent of the members must vote for the winning majority to be binding), unlike last year's failed CASA referendum. The student dental plan, spearheaded by VPAF RaveelAfzaal, had 10.98percentofthe members vote for the winning majority and was voted in favour of implementation for undergraduates. This means that starting in Fall 2005, full-time undergrads will have $34.25 added to their tuition fees for an extended dental plan, with a universal opt-out option. See WRAP-UP, page 3

Curlers claim double gold in OUA Championships James Rowe IMPRINT STAFF

The \ll/arriors' men's and women's curling rinks were both victorious this past weekend at the OUA Championships. It is the third time in the school's history that both teams won championships in the same season, the last time being the 1995-96 season. The two teams travelled to the East York Curling Club in Toronto on

February 19 and 20 for the meet which had four teams competing in both the men's and women's draws. The men's team, comprised ofDan Sherrard, Ryan Merrick, Steve Utz, Ryan Sayer and Jeff Armstrong, went in as underdogs, having qualified despite a 3-4 record during ~ regular season. In their first game of round robin action on Saturday, the men came up short, falling to a talented Brock rink by a score of9-6. The team was able

to rebound quickly in their next game, defeating Trent for the second time this season, this time by a score of7 -4. To close out the round robin, the \'7arriors faced the top seed, the Queen's Golden Gaels. U\V was never in this one, giving up five in the first end as the Golden Gaels cruised to a 7-1 \\1.n. The loss left Waterloo in third place after the round robin with a 1-2 record, just good enough to qualify for the semi-final game the following day.

Thewomen's team, with members Matika Bakewell, Jackie Craig, Laura Dowdall, Jenna Long and Amber Gebhardt was one of the favoured teams entering the competition because of their 5-2 season record. Itlooked as though the team would live up to those expectations when they defeated a tough Laurier team 7-5 in the opening game. Unfortunately they could not carry the momentum forward with them, dropping the following game to Queen's by a score of7-1.

Entering their final round robin game against Western, the women had a chance to finish ftrst place in the round robin and secure the coveted bye into the championship game that would accompany a first place ftnish. In agamethattookaremarkable three and a halfhours to play, the Warriors fell 10-8. The win allowed Western to secure the byewbile forcing \"\'aterloo to face Queen's in the semi-ftnals. See CURLING, page 30

FRIDAY. FEBRUARY25, 2005

What is your favourite book and<

whJY

"Cosmo I With no girls on campus it reminds me that girls are out there."

"Oh I get it, it's reading week.n

Matthew Stephan

48 mechanical engineering

Enam Rabbani

3A software engineering

Across 1. Contributions to the poor 5. Printing unit 9. Wearing footwear ' 14. Canadian rebel 15. First man

16. The Love ofa Good Wroman author 17. Tum back the clock 18. French priest 19. Sinkable nut 20. Brad Pitt plays Death in this ftim 23. Search engine 24. Flying pig noise 25. Babyfox 28. Bit part actress 31. Gradual decline 34. Tractor-trailer 35. Southernmost Great Lake 36. Teensy-weensy 38. Publisher's notes 41. Heiny 42. Phoenician male fertility god 43. Plural existence 44. Every 80s kid saw his PlayhoHse at least once 49. Consume nutrients 50. Molten scum 51. Spy 54. How romance happens in movies 57.JamesJoycenationality 60. Prefer over something 61. Last Iranian monarch 62. Tie again

Februruy 18 solution

63. Arabian chieftain . 64. Work in slowly 65. Floral oil 66. Homes to hibernating llnimals 67. British diving duck

Down 1. Starch 2. Full of lines 3. jason's helpful princess 4. Slow moving mammals 5. Indian infants 6. The germ of an Alexandre Dumas

27. Indicative pronoun 29. F~turama ditz 30. Starting point of any novel 31. Iftapewentthewayofmailon theweb 32. Ohio town 33. Attack from all sides 37. Recentrelease 38. VWBug 39. HamsterDance focus 40. Shepard and Turing 42. Get dirty 45. Old Testament book 46. Legolas 47. Called a cab 48. Always key to:w.y hw:ror story 52 Ancient]' rish 'IlIYiring 53. Distinct time period 54.Latgest'Contill.lt?拢.~~'4;t.h'

,,'\,??y.

55. Key pom ~prodoct

"I have no time to read because of all the text books I have to get through - even during reading week.n

"The Pilot's Wife - it was really sad, I like depressing books."

Patrick Kling

28 science

12. Make a mistake 13. Quixote or Corleonie 21. Mounted competition 22. PattnameofFalJon YourKneesauthor 25. Buddhist name for constellation 26. Outdoor rink post freezing rain

...-

Rebecca Schmidt

48 computer science

56. Muscle or sm.-ngth 57. Needles Hall namesake 58. Soak hemp 59. School of technology nmoogksoulis@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

lite .1IIII_1f ClIIIIII/I.I.

1. (Former Canadian Prime Minister Wilfrid Laurier) ''The best and most effective way to maintain friendship with our American neighindependent of them." bours is to be

YBOLTSELUA

"A Fine Balance - it's interesting to see the way people live their lives in poverty." Shazia Banduk

"20,000 Leagues under the Sea - it has a good mix of action and description."

28 administrative and commercial studies

38 science

Ryan Kovacs

2. (Former Canadian PM Lester Pearson) ''It is bad to be a of the United States. It is equally bad to be a colonial running around shouting, 'ready; aye; ready.'"

hower) "Don't you think you would be off as the 49th state?" -

----c--

ERTBTE

4. (Former Canadian PM]ohn

the End of the World itl"

Holly Snow

Lorraine Colpitts

18 arts

38 health studies

5. (Former U.S. President] ohnF. Kennedy)

''When I ask Canada to do expect Canada to do it."

, I

IGOSMETHN

6. (Former U.S. President Franklin Delano Roosevelt) ''Between Canada and the United States exists a neighbourliness, a genuine friendevery rift." ship, which over a century has

LISPEEDLD

ROBECYHO

3. (Former U.S. President Dwight Eisen-

"The Sordid Truth Series - I love fantasy and the book is amazing."

r_ -...

I love

Diefenbaker) "I am not anti-American. I am pro-Canadian."

'TRYNOSGL

7. (Former Canadian PM Pierre Trudeau) ''We are a different people from [Americans]. We are a different 路people partiy _ _ _ of [them]."

SEEUABC

Final Qyotation: (!ormer Canadian PM John A. Macdonald) "I say there is a deliberate , ~y force, by fraud or by- both, to force Canada into the American Union."

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 25,2005

Wrap-up: All wrapped up in a fuzzy blanket continued from cover Afzaal commented by email that it is a "small victory," and that he would still like to be in- ' volved with the implementation of the project to ensure its accessibility. The second referendum also passed, with a 48 per cent majorityvotingin favour of seeing the $100 orientation fee being added to incoming first year students' fee statement. To add to the already long list of allegations, one more complaint was lodged last Thursday against Team Blue members Sabrina Bowman and John Andersen before the close of the election period. Bowman was ruled to , have violated election procedure section G .1.a (no lying) when she stated that the "[internal administration committee] is open to the public and all clubs are entided to attend" and was fined an additional 15 per cent of her budget by the election committee. To finish up, two candidates in the Feds election were disqualified. KunaI GuPta, who was running for the engineering senate position, was disqualified for exceeding his re,ducedspending limit of $40 after numerous complaints lodged against him slashed his original budget by60 per cettt. Senatot'~at-large candidate Matt Austin was also disqualified for submitting his financial statements late,

Mark Stratford IMPRINTS1AFF

U.,iversitieS/CoNeges

A select group of students at the University of f..fichigan are "cleaningup,"in every sense ofthe phrase. The kidsinteSidence are getting paid $100 usn eaeh to straighten up their dorm

rooms soprospective frosh and theirparents can take a look during campus visits. According to the university's housing outteac;h coordinator. participants in this "program" have to be out of bed and dressed.in time for the :midday visits, and anythibg offensive must be out ofsight. The program is also exclusive - at least two roommates report having applied to show off their room without ever receiving a response.

The minty new executive: Carmen Lam, Lawrence Lam. Howie Bender and John Andersen. The 2(J06-2006 feds leaders look forward to getting their Ivesback. the morning after the polls had dosed. He is currendy appealing this decision. At press time, the senate-at-Iarge position had not been de-

cided. Full elections results can be found at imprintuwaterloo.ca ~ bianca@imprint.uwaterloo.<:a

2005/2008 Senate and Students' Council o Pat Borrelli 0 Renjie Butalid o Kate Daley 0 Steven Hayle a Rida Rehmani

a Michelle Zakrison

Jonathan 路Fishbein

a Adam Felix a Ian ,MacKinnon a Ajaybir Sekhon a Caustan De Riggs a Jonathan Fishbein a Matt Strickland

o Robert Allie

a Uly Shang

Canada The American Meat Institute has asked a U.s. District Court judge to end theBushadminis- '

tmnoa's bali oI,\importingCanadian cows. In May2oo3,the U.S. DepartmentofAgticulture sealed the border from incoming cattle after Cana~co~,q.4R~ccaseofmadcow disease. but the American meatpaClfb1t~"", dustrynowreportsnumerous plant closings and job 100000in the wake ofthe ban. TheUSDA has announced that the border will reopen on !\.farch 7 to allow the trade ofcatdeyounger than two and a halfyears (thought to be too young for the disease to affect an animal's brain or spinal cord),butadecisiononfully~toringtheCanada颅

U.S. beef trade is atleasta year away.

a Randy Besco

Claire Buley

Adam Felix

a Results pending

Critique at;tdbe critiqued in return tistand "express theiropinions courageously and honesdy."Speakingoutinclass, debating, voicing opinions - many things could be done to help -bring students' educations out of the parrot-like call..and-repeatcyclethatfurmanyistherealityof theirtimehere. Sadly this does not always happen. Ihave heardioo fewreallyconsttuctivedebates in my classes, som~times the 'fault of inflexible profs and sometimes of students failing to capi"Great spirits have always encountered oppositalize on great opportunities. Students need to tion from mediocre minds. The mediocre mind is incapable of understanding the man who, learn howto express their ttue thoughts and toad appropriate1yinresponse to criticism. Forexamrefuses to bow blindly to conventional prejudice~ and chooses instead to express his opin- . pie, somemayincorrecdyconsttue that Einstein's statement above advocates inflexibility or stubions courageously and h09-esdy." - Albert Einstein, New York Times, March 13, bornness where a sharper mind would see that this is notthe case; simply holdingacontroversial 1940 position does not make one correct. Albert Einstein remains as oneofmyrealidols. Thankfully, througboutmy UW career I have Truly he was a master of both mind and spi#t, finding his centre through a deep appreciation of foundatleasttwogreatsourcesforconsttu<;tive debate: the frequent pub nights of the Political humanity and an equally deep respect for science. ScienceStudents' Association (free beerandheated A man ofnot only great intelligence but also great debate until 2 a.m. -; who could have want for . 'wisdom, many ofEinstein's inspitingwords still more?) and throughn\yinvolvementin the very holdttuemore than halfacenturyafterhisdeath. As a student about to leave UW's halls of newspaper you ate reading now, Imprint. (Of course, there are other opportunities - UW "highereducation,"Ioftennotehowourcampus OebatiOg Society, anyone? - but those are the community would benefitifmore students were two I know beSt). encouraged to take direction from thatgreat scien-

International SouthKoreacannowlayclaim to having the best dressed street people in the world. Cus-

.se

toms agents confiscated over 3,500 pieces offake designer clothing this month and - with the permissioQ of the fashion houses de-

signs had been pirated -the Korea Customs This ~ I am both humbled and proud to join the ranks of published columnists' who choosetoexpresstheiropinionsfurtheconsumption of the masses. From daily columnists in the GlobeamlMaiJand the TorontoStarto the rants of ImprinIs Adam McGuire in TwoMil1ll1e W ~ 1 cherish the pointed and colourful opinions of those wishing to help enlighten their readers. However, noting reactions to past Imprintcolumns, it came as litde sutprise to me that 1 would encounter opposition to the opinions printed beneathmynameeachwcek.lthas beenfiusttating to note that some of the Letters to the Editorthat addressmycolumnappeartomissthepointofthe" originalpiece. Itfeels as though someletterwriters are unjusdy putting words in my mouth. Still;I willsettlefortheinfamy.ifthatistheptice to pay fur honest and forthrightexpression. fumy own small world, I am honoured to join the ranks of my fellow students - especia1ly the ones featured regularly in the pages of Imprint - who choose to be courageous enough not to bow blindly to conventional prejudices. At the very least, I like to think that Einstein would be proud. adilts@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Servieegavethemtothecountty'shomeless, including jackets, blouses, shirts and pants (allwith the tags dutifully ripped out, ofcourse). A customs official described it as a sensible solution that helps those down on their luck.

Said one homeless recipientofthe faux-designer threads, "1 don't care about the quality pf the clothes, but these-designs are quite trendy." Those who enjoy sexual freedom and autonomy can hold off on visiting Alabama, as it is stillillegalto buy otsellsex toys there. This weekthe U.S. Supreme Court rejected a constitutional challenge to the 1998lawwbich prohibits the sale or use of "any device designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of humangenitalorgans." (Sex-related drugs such as Vtagra and non:.sexual massage items are legaL) The American Civil Liberties Union was appealing the law on beha1fofusersandvendors ofsuch devices, argumg that any sexual contact between consenting adults is not subject to govemmentregulation. The appeal was rejected by a 2-1 vote, keeping the sex toy ban up and running. Well, maybe "up" isn't the right word to use ... r;nsrratford@imprint.uwaterloo.<:a

·5

FRIDAY. FEBRUARY 25, 2005

UW students gear up to take a bite out of hunger 30-hour famine-aims for $10,000 this year Heather Montreuil· SPECIAL TO IMPRINT

l\fissing meal5 isn't a new phenomenon for university students, but now they're doing it for a good cause. This year's revival of the 30Hour Famine is shaping up to be a big event, and organizers Tim Szeto and Kevin Li are hoping to hit their goal of$1 0,000 and 300 participants with a little help from the students. The money raised will b~ going.to World Vision to help the starving children of the world. "\Ve must open our eyes and lend a helping hand," said Szeto, a systems design engineer and coorganizer of the famine. In a society where we have everything we want, Szeto says he felt compelled to give something back to the world, and

this was the perfect opportunity. Kevin Li is no stranger to helping out with this kind of event, and will be bringinghis h~gh school experience organizing the famine to UW. "This kind of thing is about personal 'impact, good goals and good education." This year the organizers are hoping to raise awareness so that the event won't be cancelled anytime soon. Participants 'will be packing into the Student Life Centre from 6 p.m. on Friday, March

11 until 11:59 p.m. on Saturday, March 12, where they'll be sleeping upstairs when they're not busy having fun and hanging outwithJriends.

WINNIEFRED KUANG

.Liberal budget swings to the right

, M&l~~I~dthesedayscomes from (\VO great, forever dependable sources: the media and the government. The budget presented this Wednesday in the House of Commons was a great example of government reading material at its fmest and an indication of how the Liberals are making real changes in spite of their fragile minority status. Paul Martin had to take into account opposition demands: the NDP wants universal day care (a fantastic idea) and the Bloc Quebecois wants tax point transfers to the provinces. (Separatists, kindly fuck off!) The Conservatives want (surprise, surprise) taxcuts - a great way to deplete govemment revenue and take thegovernment ever closer, to deficit! How to' balance all these demands while also balancing the budget? This was the task ofFinance Minister Ralph Goodale. ' He's done a fine job at delivering this - an "environmental budget." Awash in surplus thanks to their sound fiscal management over the past decade; the Liberals have continued to invest in the social priorities of Canadians. This government has delivered its eighth consecutive balanced bud~t, putting to shame the Conservative legacy ofnine years ofenormous defi- , cits that finished with a $42 billion deficit in 1993 and added nearly $350 billion to the national debt. Canada's fiscal position is "erlViable," according to the finance minister, and "unmatched" by any of the other countries in the G-7. A thorough expenditure review found $11 billion in savings and this will be invested in social programs

and environmental preservation. Over $60 billion of debt has been reduced by this administration and more funding is being given to pretty much everything .from day care to seniors. More international aid has been pledged, includllg further funding . to fightdiSeases ravaging Africa §uch as HIV I AIDS, polio, malaria and others. The, $425 million to help the tsunami aid victims was reaffirmed, dwarfmgthe paltry$350 million from the United Stat~s. The environmental initiatives were . definitely the budget highlight. Massive amounts of dQllars will be invested to combat climate change and incentives to encourage wind power production will be quadrupled. Further subsidies will be provided to those who modify their homes to be more environmentally efficient. This government is moving to make Canada a leader on the world stage when it comes to_environmen~ tal protection - a fme followup to the implementation. of the muchneeded, long-overdue Kyoto Accord. As great as the budget was for the environment, budgetary mistakes were made in other key: areas .. , Huge increases in funding - to the tune of $13 billion - are needlesslygoing to the armed forces to aid our American ass-kissing efforts while thousands of Canadians remain homeless and thousands of others are struggling to keep food on the table for their families. It was likely just to pacify the Conservative whining, bui: billions more are being given away to rpe rich in tax breaks. Taxes have been cut every year since 1997 - totalling more than $100 billion! Enough is enough! As lo~g as we have a national deb~ (thanks, Conservative Party!), our taxes are never too high. " Reaction to the budget from the opposition parties was mixed.

"A lot of money for the army but nothing for the unemployed," . groused Bloc Quebeco~s'Leader Gilles Duceppe. NDP Leader Jack Layton said corporate tax cuts, "carne completelyouwftheblue,"whilemont;y for cities is being rolled out painfully s!owly. . ,_ .- <q~m~ometsidfiofthe U:m.scrwmtives heaped pmse on the budget. Tory leader Stephen Harper was heard commenting, "There's nothing in this budget that would justify an election at this time," even before the finance minister had finished reading the budget to Parliament. In a veiled thankyou to the Liberals, he added, "In fact, I'm a lot happier than I thought I'd be. The major priorities in this budget are Conservative priorities." . Hownic~ that the Tories were able. to take a break from their petty crusade against same-sex marriage to pay homage to the right-leaning Liberal budget! It's about time they said sqmething positive about the government that completely turned around the economic disaster left by the Conservatives in 1993. Like most Canadians, I have mixed feelings about any budget receiving the blessing of the far-right' Alliance Conservative Party. However, the compromise needed'to be .done. T~ keep this government from collapsing, concessions .had to be made, and I hate to say it, but when forced to choose between pacifying the Conservatives or the separatists, I'd go with the Tories. . New spending initiatives accompanied by tax cuts for the rich pleased MPs across the political spectrum and hopefully will keep this stellar government from meeting a premature death. . A "bulletproof" federal budget, to be sure. .

But whlit do you do when you're trapped in the SLC for 30 hours and starving? You take your mind off things! Participants will be treated to a four-hour concert featuring local bands from c,ampus and comedians from Toronto. Campus clubs will be showcasing presentations and running events and the more athletic participants can trY,their luck with swing-dance lessons. Add ,in entertainment from the UW hip-hop club and the usual slew of games, prizes and raffles and you have one exciting experience. Mostimportantly, a special guest speaker from World Vision \vill btl coming in to raise awareness and show the students that their growling stomachs aren't for nothing.

Running on the populaalogan "Refuse to do Nothing," the worldwide famine initiative helped over 200,000 children last year using the funds raised by events just like this one. The money goes toward purifying water for drinking, research into AIDS treatments, and emergency food supplies. This year's campaign will follow . the dismal showing of 2004 where the event didn't even get off the ground because of a lack of interest. However, 2005 is promising to be a great comeback as the once-small famine initiative on campus has now been extended to the entire city of \v/aterloo. If you would like to get involved, contact Nancy O'Neil at uwf~mine@gmail.com. Refuse to do nothing. Take a bite out of hunger. .

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In my written world

Imprint's AGM

visited the store just last summer and this provided a direct link to the book for her., ' During lastyear's local One Book, One Community event, several readers of! talian descent excitedly told Nino Ricci, the author of Lives rif Saints, that they recognized the central town Books and stories offer an escape ' as their Own village. Ricci. had not from the daily grind. Part of the j.oy specifically named a village, but he' of escapism is recognizing the landhad left more than enough clues that marks tha't our favourite characters those in the know would recognize 'pass as they lead us through their their own childhood memories in print. Ricci's link allowed these read. adventures. I don't simply mean stories like The Da Vinci Code, set in ers to embellish their own memo~ell-recogruzed places like the Lou- ries. vre, or Agatha Christie's Murder on For the direct UW collection, there the Orient Express. Rather,.I refer to is Douglas Coupland's famous refstories With more intimate settings: erence to the Bombshelter in ones recognized by a select few. Microseifs. I have never managed to Being able to say "1 was there" find out why Coupland chose the brings you much closer to the story Bomber of all places as a brief setat hand. Something that you and ting, but it likely has something to only a few other people might expedo with UW's'strong software prorience makes a story much more valu- grams and the need for Coupland's able. character to recruit another postOlivia Chow, on the CBC's modern'software developer. Canada Reads, recendy noted the presA decade after the book was pubence of the Layton Brothers' piano lished, Coupland is srill quizzed by shop in Mairuth Sarsfield's No CrysUW alumni at various booktalStair. One of the Layton brothers signings. Those who have read the was a grandfather to her husband, book are able to savour in their own . NDP leader JackLayton. Ch"aw had· minds the dark campus pub experi-

Three hours equal barrels of fun

Imprinfs board ofdirectors, which met a week after the AGM, decided to solve this dilemma by' keeping the II1Ip1infs annual general meeting, the currentImprint fee at $3.30 to satisfy year's most highly anticipated and excitthe budge't that was passed. ing student function, took place on Changes to Imprinfs policies and Thursday, February 17, in the multiprocedurc;s that have been made since purpose room ofthe SLC. All full-rime the 2004 AGM were all ratified by the undergraduate'students (who do not membership; These included updates collect their refund) are members of to volunteer job descriptions, the addImprintand were eligible to vote at the ing of the lead proofreader to the editorial board and the addition of a AGM. Just in case you missed this acrion-packedevent,here'saquicksumpolicy regulating communication bemary of what went on. tween the board ofdirectors and fullApproximately 30 members were time staff. Finally, next year's board ofdirecin attendance, as well as a couple nonmemberkeeners (yours trulyincluded). tors, who will take office on May 1, The following motions were p~ssed 2005, was established. The new board by the membership: the auditor's rewill consist of: Dan Micak, president; port~was approved as presented by a Sarah Allmendinger, vice president; representative of Collins Barrow; the 'JeffAnstett, treasurer; Kelley Dilkes, secret.ary;andDurshanGanthan,staff same company was approved as the auditor,for 2005/06; the budget for liaison. All positions were acclaimed. 2005, as presented by treasurer Neal AOdr~w Dilts, this year's board presiMoogk-Soulis, was approved. dent, resigned his position immediWhen the issue ofstudent fees was ately after the adjournment of the meeting. According to Dilts, his resbroached, it provoked a lengthy disneed cussion. There were several sugges': ignation was motivated by 'tions, ranging from leaving the fee at to, "focus on [his] own personal situits currentrateof$3.30 to raising it as ation," and his statement that he, "had completed all {his} major rehigh as $3.80. The rnotion that passed involved raising the fee bya sum ofthe sponsibilities." CPI increase for, the full-time staff Neal Moogk-Soulis was elected by salaryand the difference between the the remaining board members to serve honoraria from last year, originally);' as presidentuntil the:new ~ ~ , 'budgeted to be cut. Unfortunately this officeinMay. motion contradicted the budget that editor@imprint.uwaterloo.ca the membership had already rarified. Laura, Katsirdakis EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

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Campus Clips: Be aware of the Tool 0~~~md~fOr '

ence in the way that a Toronto or Duluth, 1:finnesota reader would not. Our own persqnallandmarks tell Our hi~tory. Where we had our first kiss. 'Where we learned to ride a bicycle. The cottage dock barely visible in , the morning mist. These are things that only so many people will recognize. To the average reader, it is simply a wall decoration. To the select few it is a sign from home. The gift ofa writer is to seduce the reader slowly and seduction works best when you see the familiar landmarks wander by in the narrative. They can be large or small, wellknown or. obscure. Either way, the reader can say, "I was there. I know what it feels like." Stories offer an escape from the day-to-day grind. Today's primary escape is television or the movies, but books offer an unprecedented control. You can take a book anywhere and start reading anytime. No line-ups or pulsing soundtrack. Simply bliss. This is our world. We share it With many people. Seeing it in writing makes it that much more shareable.

Rebecca Temmer and Christine Loureiro IMPRINT STAFF

Engineers at Conestoga, Tool in hand National Engineering Week comes to Conestoga Mall on Thursday, March 3, courtesy of UW's Engineering Society. Engineering students, armed With projects and displays for Mini-Baja, UWAFT, Formula SAE, Professional Engineers of Ontario, Women in Engineering and (who could forget) the giant 60inch Tool, will be at 'the mall from 9:30 a.m. to 9 p.m. Their goal is to raise awareness about the impor,tance of engineering and technology and encourage young people to co~ sider entering the field. EngSoc is organizing se,:,:eral other events around National Engi': neering Week, including daytime mini-competitions held on campus. Habitat for Humanity will benefit from a building event and Shadow Day, a day-in-the-life experience for prospective engineering students. Although this is the second rear for EngSoc events, National Engineering \Veek has run nationwide since 1992. Organizers hope to reach a variety. of people with this year's events. ''We want children to get an idea of what engineering is all about and its importance in our daily lives," said Tarieem Talukdar, a2A systems design

"'~lifg4fm",'ftte'b. .t~,. Jason Boodram ofPatheon on, ''The National Engineering Week. Development of Pharmaceuticals in "We want prospective students Patheon's Niche Business," Ingmar to consider careers in engineering Borgers of Miller Thomson LLP on and technology and we want to expose families and members of the ''The Importance of an IP Strategy" <;ommunity to what projects stuand Krishna Pathiyal of Research In dents atthe University of Waterloo Motion on, "Simple Strategies to are involved in. There will be lots of Optimizing Your Patent Assets." people on hand to answer questions ' The' event is free (sponsorship provided by UW, Price Waterhouse about projects Ol'engineering in genCoopers, RIM and BASF, among eral at the showcase." others) and begins at 9 a.m. in the EngSocwill be giving away freebfes during their Conestoga Mall visit, Davis Centre ICR Conference Room (Fish Bowl). including posters, magnetic bookFor additional information, visit marks and fold-up frisbees. scrubs.uwaterloo.ca/ conference. David Orchard speaks at UW on March 1 First one to 20 (Celsius) wins! The UW Campus Greens is hosting Daydreaming about the fIrst signs environmentalist, author, organic of spring is an only too ideal midfarmer and former PC leadership canwinter pastime - and the UW didate, David Orchard, who will be weather station is doing its part to help those warm-weather fantasies speaking on, ''What kind of Canada does the world need." along, ,vith its annual contest to The meeting will take place at 8 predict the date and time the mercury . hits 20°C, p.m. on Tuesday, March 1, in CElT room 1015. Orchard is the author bf Here's a hint: "For the past five years, the 20-degree day has been rhe national bestseller, The Fight for Canada: Four CentJlries of Resistance to coming later and latertn the year and Americ4n Expansionism. He ",ill speak will that trend continue?" asked Frank Seglenieks, weather station coon free trade, the environment and ordinator. agricultural issues. Admission is free and all are welThe station, which w~ll be seven come. ye1lrs old on February 27, presents the challenge every year. Science and business of success This year's prizes are the books SCRUBS, BW's science and busiHow the IFeather IForks and If"eather Forecasting. ness society, invites students to join them at their annual conference on The contest has now closed, but Saturday, March 12, to examine the students are welcome to place.their keys for success. They plan to exown bets. Additional information plore topics such as research and (ind the local weather) can be found online atweather.uwaterloo.ca. development, sales and marketing, company niche determination, fi,nance, technology and entrepreneur-' rtemmer@imprint.uwaterloo.ca cloureiro@imprint.uwaterloo.ca ship.

FRIDAY. FEBRUARY25, 2005

ION

I"print is published by Imprint Publications Student Life Centre 1116 . University of\\7aterloo \~Taterloo, ON N2L 3Gl

Books a valuable, old-fashioned hobby

Television makes my brain go to sleep. After a fewhours ofsitting in front of the tube my head feels like mush. But TV is so hard to resist. There's always something on and always the possi. bility of tuning outEor a bit. I t takes some willpower but there is so much value to be gained from anvther, more old-fashioned hobby: reading books. The last book I read was a superb' one. Jonathan Strange and Air. NotTe", by Susanna Clarke, reminded me of something I tend to forget. I've forgotten about imagination; the kind of imagination that kept my head in the clouds when I was a child. The

seemingly random appearan~ of the strangest things in the book tapped into that old imagination. The kind of thinking that allows for absolutely anything to happen is something that I miss. It is not the kind of thinking thatis terribly useful to me; it is much more functional to stay focused on getting work done and behaving appropriately in each situation in which I find myself. 'Consider Mr. Childermass. He was sitting in ]'vir. Norrell's library when all of a sudden he looktld up and found himself outdoors, in an open field. "[. ..] the sky looked up at

him. He fllt the earth shrug because)r felt him upon its back. The sig spoke to him. It was a language he had never heard before [...J For a long mommt he struggled to understand. The language or spell seC1fled tantalitfl1g!y familiar now. II1 a moment, he thought, he Wouldgrasp it. After all, the world had been speaking these words to him every dqy ofhis life-

it was just that-he had not noticed it before [ .. .}" Ittakesastretchtoacceptthemagic that makes Childermass aware of the language the sky speaks and the imagination this stretch taps into is refresh-

Whether they transport you to an imaginary world or to some other time and place, you can't help being enriched by [books]. ing and enjoyable. This is just one of the things that are fantastic about books. W'hetherthey transport you to an imaginary world or to some other

time and place, you can't help being enriched by them. lread 1984 in 1994,and despite the fact that '84 was long passed, the futuristic creation oEWells was enchanting. Ender's Game was another delicious futuristic tale. These books, by predicting the future, have the ability to take you out of the present for a few moments. And while the reader is absorbed in the pages h is impossible not to imagine and compare this future to the present. Jane Eyre, my all time favourite book, takes the.reader back in time and does it from a distinctly female perspective. A-ctually, anything written by the Bronte sisters has this effect. 'The Ma'!Y Lives & Secret Sorrows ofJosephine B. (and the other two books in this ttilvgy), by Sandra Gulland, also transport the reader into the past. It makes it possible.to think about the French Revolution and Napoleon's time in a very non-textbook way. ""'ho doesn't

enjoy imagining history from a differentperspective? There are also a wealth of books that cause the reader to rethink the present. Nickk andDimed, by Barbara Ehrenreich, exposes the dreary existence of the working poor in the U.S. Ehrenreich goes across America, attempting to understand the working poor by taking on jobs at places like Molly Maid and Walmart, and trying to survive on the wages they give. It is difficult to ever shop at Wal-Mart after giving this a read, and it is even harder not to notice the resistance in Canad:t to Walmart's entrance into our country and its steady refusalto allow employees to unionize. Books are beautiful things. Without them, television might put all of our minds to sleep and tum us into a big pile of zombies. . editor@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Finally, a guide book for talking to "the other half" American Ann Coulter writes a book to help frustrated conservatives get through to those wacky liberals

Ann Coulter is the American rightwing author and columnist that liberals love to hate. Several issues ago, I made a reference to her latest book,

How To Talk To A Liberal (If You Must). As its title suggests, tht;: book. which is actually a very well organized collection of Coulter's columns, will get under the skin of any liberal and into the heart ofany conservativewith its piercing, hilarious and witty com-

mentary on the U.S.~o~rlcar' Sys~~ and all of its key players_ ' Beneath the humour is a great deal ofsttikinglyaccurate research and observations about the contradictions of which one must bec~me convinced before adopting a liberal mindset. Coulter sets herselfapattfromother pundits like Jon Stewart by maintaining a healthy dose of comedy and sarcasm without sacrificing the truth or bending the facts. She makes her opinion known, never backs down and never lets up. Her columns are organized by topic rather than by year, forming a coherent whole that resembles a soap opera with a non-linear plot starring two of Coulter's favourite targets, Al Gore and Bill Clinton.

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Editorial Staff Editor-in-chief, . Laura Katsirdakis editor@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Assistant Editor, Tim Alamenciak Cover Editor, Kelley Dilkes News Editor, Bianca Tong News Assistant, Rob Blom Opinion Editor, Jeff Anstett Opinion Assistant, Mark Johnson Features Editor, Scott Houston Features Assistant, Darren Hutz Arts Editor, Dave George-Cosh Arts Assistant, Ian Blechschmidt Science Editor, Penny Michelle Rorke Science Assistant, Michael L. Davenpor1; Spprts Editor, Sarah Allmendinger Sports Assistant, Dan 1Iicak Photo Editor, Mohammed Jangda Photo Assistant, Kirill Lewin Graphics Editor, Julian Apong Graphics Assistant, Hitoshi Murakami

frOn\otthe

The book contains an index of the chapters, or rather the topics, where one can \vatch Coulter

Sadly, the book does not actually contain explicit instructions for talking to liberals. make Gore, Clinton and a slew of other "characters" dariceto the tune of her imagination. The only way to ttulyexplain Coulter's blunt wizardry with words is by example. The following are some of my favourite eJl;cerpts.

Friday,Febmary25,2005- Vol. 27, No. 28 Student Life Centre 1116 UniversityofWaterloo Waterloo, ON N2L 361

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Over the years. Coulter has used nercolumn to cover all ~ classic Republican topics. On the subject ofbig government, Coul.ier is very dear: " ...wheneveryoucomeacrossascrewup this big [California energy regulationl,You know the government is. behind it." Coulter, like most Republicans, is a believer in free-market capitalism. , She writes with a hint of sarcasm: " .~. the capitalist system here in Americamanaged to produce a society in which the poorest citizens have televisions, refrigerato.t;S, telephones and the opportunity to appear on the Jerry Springer Show." . Last but not least, here is a perfect example df how Coulter relentlessly attacks liberals'wiShy-washy stance on

just about everything: 路'(Dem.dtliJ' . "''aIltSAT scores dropped as a criterion for college admissions, preferring purely subjective evaluations of the applicant's 'diversity,''' ; . Whether you find yourself on the left, the right or sotnewhere in th~ middle (if you don't ha\teil political stance, you're on the left - only a liberal could be that wishy-washy); reading Coulter's latest bookwillleave you smiling, deep in thought and perhaps slightly offended. Sadly, the book does not actually contain explicit instructions for talking to liberals. It does, however, provide agreatdeal ofammunition should the need arise.

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deemed to be libelous or in contravention with Imprinfs policies with respect to our code of ethics and journalistic standards. ImpriKi is published every Friday during falL and 'winter tenDs, and every second Friday during the spring tenn. Imprillf reserves the right to screen, edii: and refuse advertising. Imprint Publications is not responsible for advertisng mi,takes beyond the cost of the advertisemenL One copy per customer. Imprint ISSN 0706-7380. Imprillf CDN Pub Mail Product Sales Agreement no. 40065122.

Editorial submissions may be considered for publication in any edition of Imprint. Imprilll may also reproduce the material commercially in any format or medium as part of the newspaper database, Web site or any other product . derived from the newspaper. Those submitting editorial content, including articles, letters, photos and graphics, will grant Impri1l1 first publication rights of their submitted material, and as such, agree not to submit the same work to any other publication or group until such rime as the material has been distributed in an issue of Imprint, or Imprint declares their intent not to publish the materiaL The full text of this agreement is available upon request.

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FRIDAY, FEBRUARY25, 2005

Blue and Yellow make me Green!

\'V'henI votedm the Feds election last week, I felt confident that you could easily narrow each race down to two candidates. I was shocked at the results. Forpresident,itwas betweenJohn Andersen andNada Basir, which voters'Confinned. Andersen, as lazy and 'evil as he may be (according to sQme), was charismatic and full of real information.Hegave specific, precise details of what he wanted to do and how he was going to do it. Granted, he had a previous tenn in Feds but that was both advantageous and not so. Would Michael Moore.raise school spirit? I don't know, but it's something. Nadt was enthusiastic but she was way too idealistic. Her taxi plan for example, while being ridiculously impractical, still demonstrated her strong desire for innovation. Andersen got the nod because we all kept picturing

him crushing the other candidates between his massive palms.Well, I did! . I rqled outJohnson not for his ideas, whi<;hlliked,butforhislackofcharisma. He seemed earnest but not enthusiastic enough. E.J. Hunt was just a handful of cheap slogans that didn't make any sense half the time. ''It's no( about running a good students' union, it's about putting students first." What does that even mean? Nice guy, but needed more substance and less meaningless crap. Sabrina Bowman seemed to be strongest for VP internal. She had adamant convictions at the forums and went against the grain on more than one occasion. Lawrence Lam'was decent, butnothingh~didimpressedme. I willadmitthatlbarelywatchedany of the forums on VP education, nor did I really spei.tk personally to any of the candidates. All I saw from Andrea . was her fumbling with the mic at the forum. I did talk to Bobby Naini, who was very good in person but horrible in . the forums. While energetic, he was hunting for some kind of standing ovation while dodging the point. My pick was Bender because h~ was cool

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and collected at the forums and frankly, seemed to be much smarter than me. VPAF \v31; down to Matt Jennyn . and Nick Cake. Both had experience, both were charismatic and intelligent. Cake's campaignWllS fabulous. He compelled me to ponder if] wanted a piece ofcake and the ttuthis I did,I really, really did. Now I waS more in the mood for angel food, not Nick, b~i it was an effective slogan! I pickedJennyn for his refreshinglackof slogans, actually. But somehow Carmen Lam won. I say "somehow" because Carmen was the worst candidate in the entire election next to the bumbling Yasid Gilbert. She seemed vetynice bututterly vapid when it came to the issues. She barelycametobatattheforumsandwas just as bad in person. I heard someone askher"specifically how do you plan to make the Feds spending transparent?" She responded by baqbling about how important it was to make the spending transparertt but without maIdrig any attempttocoherendy answerthe question. 1bis kind of person is dangerous in an executive position. I wonder how anybodywhosaw her talk could've seriously cast a vote in her favour. So half of my predictions were \\ray olIbutthereis much to be learned from this year's Feds election. Team Rock-It learned that regardless of how pretty your campaign may be (Iam,ofcourse, referring to the glamQrous magazine style ads - duh ...),you need the substaneetobackitup. Teami\IR'svoing base evaporated with tlieI;n. . So it's Feds on the Lam, whodathunkit?

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Darren Hutz

LGBT: canon of literature Givitig recognition to queer writers . for his investigative work, delving into hermeneutics and literature, as well as giving seminars at College de France. Gertrude Stein was an American poet, playwright and writer who became best known for her playful and often humorous writing style. 'Yo~ would think it would be hard to She is perhaps best known for her say that there are many similarities often used line, "A rose is a rose is between ChuckPalahniuk's FightClub a rose is a rose." She spent most of and Oscar Wilde's The Importance tif her life in France living with her BeingEarnest, but there are. The literabrother Leo and her partner Alice B. turemajorwithinmeisalreadythinkToklas. ingabout dystopian societies or mulThe prolific playwright and Pulitzer tiple personalities Prize winner within a single body Tho m'll s but the answer is reLanier. ally much simpler. Williams was I could quite easily Roland Barthes, alsoamember the famous FrenCh lit- fill up my space here of the queer emycritic, wouldhave community. doing nothing but correcdy told you to Of course, listing names. look to the authoryou'd probbut then he knew ably know what h~was talking him better by about. In fa,ct, all threeofthese rather his pen name Tennessee Williams, the significant literarY figures have somewriter of Cat on a Hot Tin Rotifand A thing in common: they all are (or Streetcar Named Desire. In his lifetime, were) gay. he \\Tote over 75 plays as well as several The field ofliteratureis a very large .novels, short stories and works of one indeed and so it should be no poetry. surprise that some ofthe authors and Of course, Canada has its own theorists should be part of the queer queer writers as well. Timothy community. Indeed, many of the . Findley is a name many of us should biggest names both from then and know. .. Wh'iiietoftheGovemotOem_ft;e"" nowar~of this cotrimunityand I could quite eJily fill up my space . .' Award:ind holder of both the Order here doing nothing but listing names. of Ontario and the Order of Canada, Virginia Woolf is a name many he was born in Toronto a'nd has writpeople should recognize. A promi- ' ten such well known books as The War nent~terand feminist, she was the and The TeUing tifLies. He lived with author who started the Bloomsbury his partner William Vlhitehead, who ,is also an author. group, a circle ofintellectuals in London. A lesbian, she was hailc;d as one These writers and more have all of the best modernists of her time. made major contributions to the field Sadly, sh~ committed suicide in 1941 ofliterature. \\:;'hilenotallLGBTwritdue to depression over the ongoing ers are out about their" sexuality, there are many of them and there's a fairly Wf.rld War. . IYfichel Foucault was another good chance that you've read some of French philosopher who contribtheir work if you've stepped into a library. uted to both the poststructuralist .and postmodernist fields of literary criticism. A gay man, he was known gbarclay@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

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You don't soy.

FRIDAY. FEBRUARY 25, 2005

Homage to the humour writers: purveyors of pleasure and profound truths market for humourists? (If so, thank God for the British who've been hoarding humourists for a rainy day.) Or maybe I'm vlrong.America The Book has been sellingawfullywell, The Hitchhiker's Guide to The Ga~ series is still in print and the used book dealer felt confident I'd pay a premium for At the end of along day, there'snoththe Discworld novels he held hostage. So if a demand exists, where's the inglike climbing into bed and kicking back with a nice thick book about supply? \~'here are the great comic authors? Ask anyone to recommend suffering, preferably \vith a side of suicide, child abuse and sexruil assault. an author - they'll likely give you names' ofsome nonfiction, classic and Nothing relaxes me more than readfiction writers; They might even name ing about miner strikes, polio and some gteat science-fiction masters. But genocide. try asking for a few great authors who At the risk of exposing my shallow side, I have to admit that I like my are also funny - there's that pin dropbooks the same way I like my menping. smart and funny. I find it odd how few Why do we praise classics and rain accolades on solemn fiction but casutruly funny bOOKS there are out there* ally dismiss works ofwritten humour? - am I the only one who enjoys Why don't the highest literary awards cQmedy on the page? have a humour category? Why is there a comedy section at Is humour considered so base as to every video store but rarely one at the bookstore? And even when one exrank only among banal genres like romance and horror? ~'hy is it that ists, it's stacked with books written by stand-up comedians likeJerry Seinfeld, . something masterfully written that makes us cry is prized so far above Paul Reiserand Ellen Degeneres? Not to say they can't be funny on"the page somethir).g beautifully crafted that (well, Ellen can't), but where are the makes us laugh and lifts our spirits? I, for one, am tiredof such precious great comic writers? treasures being given the fuzzy end of It's strange that while we actively the lollipop. '.X'hile gteatworks of seriseek out comedies at movie theatres, on ous fiction have touched and enlighttelevision and even online (not to mention in friends, lovers, and greeting enedme, funny books have repeatedly dug me outofdark times, been faithful cards), there isn't the same dernand for (and amusing) mends and caused milk humourous books. Is there a sellers'

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to come out of my nasal cavities. For that I am deeply grateful. So without further ado, here's to writerswhobravelycriss-crossthegenre (sci-fi, fantasy, fiction, autobiography, children's and even ~'c1llcklit'') and mediUm (novels, essays, movies, TV, as well as more than a few billboards)

divide to make us laugh-you deserve just as much praise as "setious"writers. For truly great writers are those who reveal profound truths about humanity - what's a more profound truth than that, deep down, we're all utterly and unequivocally ridiculous?

*FeelfreCtoprovemewrong-infact, I wishyouwould Send e-mail to recommend your favourite funny authors/ books - yes, I'm blatantly ahusing this pubJiâ&#x201A;Źation for my own ends - can I interestyouinaPerfectPancakeMaker? slywong@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

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FRllDAY,FEBRUARY25,2005

Drawing a blank on books

Ah, literature. There is nothing better

On my quest to find the answer, I came across many sources telling me that it's a printing and binding process -in many novels the pages are folded :iQd often the number of the pages in the book do not add up to the number of pages they print at a time, thus creating extra blankpages. I obviously do not believe this outlandish theory. I decided to seek higher opinion and asked some ofmy colleagues.

than to be surrounded by fellow literatUre lovers engaged in a gripping discussion about novels and their themes - the battle of reality versus illusion and the "American dream" in Death 0/a Salesman; the atypical life of Why On earth are Holden Caulfield in Catcher in the 19e; and, of course, the childhood trauma there those blank and conflict with mysterious powers pages in books right in Harry Potter. One can only pray forrainy Sunday after the front cover. afu:ttloons where such conversations and right before the reach their peak. Oh, how my heart fills with glee when I think ofall those novels I've read that have soaked into my mind as ifitwere a dry spongeoh, the elation! Onesuchcolleaguenotedthat"ifthe Okay, I want to discuss a more bookstartedonthefirstpage,youwould pressing issue, one that people acbe intimidated," and that "it's best to tually sit around and debate on a 'ease' yourwayinto it" f'it" referring to rainy afternoon: why on earth are the book). While! am convinced by the there those blank pages in books sound reasoning this argument proright after the front cover and right vides,I question, then, the reason forthe before the hack cover? WoUldn't such a highly touted sign of intelli- . "filler pages" with actual printingon them - one page with simply the tide gence want to be intelligent and save printed, one page with the distributor's trees?

back cover?

, Best parking in Canada - not To the editor, This Monday, an ice stonnonce again left the university parking lots in extremely unsafe and dangerous condition. If a vehicle cannot be driven in a safe manner, whereby there is no steer~ ing or stopping ability, wouldn't it be cause to reason that pedestrian traffic would be impossible? Many people fell on that day; many vehicles were damaged also and. there is no liability, which means the average car damage

comes out of the driver's wallet and that can easily amount to thousandsl History repeats itself with poor consideration for the safety of all, be it property or health. Why were the lots even allowed to be open to any traffic? The campus was in such an unsafe condition that a closure was in order! Why and who let all of us risk injury? A recent parking price increase of 20 per cent over three years had some mention of maintenance overhead. There is no parking maintenance by way of sanding or salting. Most winter days prove that even

logo, one page with the tide and the author'sname,onepagewiththeauthor eating a Snickers andgivinga thumbs up -unnecessarypagesindeed A female (and therefore obViously sIrulrter) colleague gave a more siplple and concise train of thought, saying that "it's tradition." One would then question however the laborious printingprocesses ofthe pastand thus their will to futther complicate matters With more pages (hard to picture Shakespeare adding blank pages between the covers of Othello after completingit). The last colleague who was awake at 4:04 a.m. to comment answered, "So you can write your name and phone number in case. the book gets lost." Many readers might disagree and write their names on the inside cover, no matter how convenient that first blank page might be. Unfortunately the debate will rage on for centuries to come, much like it has in this century. Is there a right answer? Maybe. Did Hemingway know the right answer and not reveal it before taking his ownlife? Probably. One thing is certain, now that the Riemann hypothesis has potentially been solved, the "blank page para.! dox" can finally take its rightful place among the world's most mainstream unsolved mysteries of all time. aocal@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

plowing is perfonned in a caveman like manner. What's up with a parking increase? The excuse of a ~udden unknown winter blast is not the reason. This unsafe and poor maintenaJl9C conditionis the third, this year alone, not to mention every past year hasleftmany in a'dangerous situation. The chance of broken bones and near death on campus during the winter season at a high tech university is rev0lting~

- Benni Steger, UW sttiff member

Remember to see the forest for the trees children. Specifically, the kinds of things children worry about. Do you remember being a child and worrying about things thatweren't worth your time? Did your mark on yourgrade five geography project reaIfy make ot break your admittance into university? According to a 1995 paperwritten by Wendy K Silverman et. al. tided

This past Saturday I was pre~nt at a small dinner-and-a-movie party. A Whatdo children worry about? Womesand couple of friends of mine brought their friends with them - and by their relation to anxiety, children aged 712 worried most about insignificant "their friends," I really meaq "bottles things (such as getting called on in class of wine." by a teacher) or about serious but The movies started and much imbibing"of alcohol followed. My comstatistically improbable events (such as getting robbed). ' rades fully drained the forest-green Forgivemy comparing 20,000 unibottles and did Bacchus proud. I drank versity students to a bunch of12-yeartwo glasses and fellasleep on the couch olds but I cite the study because I see - I ama wuss whom Bacchus openly much the same mocks. There is some thing happening even among our contention over In the grand scheme age group. Some the events that of life, love, ar;td occurred that ofus worry about night, so consider visits fromparents this a discl3.imer: I or the next round was exhausted don't weigh in heavily of midterms with an intense teenand" a wee bit drunk. Theevents like angst I find surprising. Ifyour in the next tWo greatest obstacle in lifeis an auto-flushparagraphs may or may not have hapingtoilet, I don'tciu:ewhichvulnerable pened exacdy as I describe; however unspeakable regionsit splashes, you're what matters to me mostis the thought that W3$ born of those events. furingp,rettywe(J~t~~ To those that fret over every bump My catnap was intt;rrupted by the intheroa¢s.irnqlerdown. Takeitfrom sound of breaking glass. Apparendy someone in a school-of-hard-knocks one of th« empty bottles was knocked programlikephysicsorcomp. eng: Not off the table and shortly thereafter shattered on the floor. This bottle's amere failedmidterm, norevenafailed class will get you kicked out of school. «date," who I will refer to as "Violet" reacted immediately with grief., Don'tfretexcessivelyaboutco-op in1?s. The end of a long term relationship As my friends and our more astute readers already know, I recendy lost a maybecauseforconcembuteverystray hottie and cutie crossing your path is very close friend to a sudden bacterial meningococcal infection. Here Violet, not. In the grand scheme of life, love and death, most events don't weigh in ~s, !Jemoaning the journey's end of an empty wine bottle, which only served heavily. Realize that. to make me angry. I harshly berated' If you take nothing else from my column this week, have this: cherish her for mourning over something so trivial. Theloss ofa petty bottle means yourftiends, careaboutthemmorethan nothing compared to the loss of yourniarks.They'regoingtohavemore impact on your life than anything else. Patricia Vepari. I thought about the incident the .following night and was reminded of mdavenport@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

death, most events

. Gpaham McClure

ELITljill. . . . ._

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I'S_.fllII'" AIm 18"• •1.1111111 ••"'" East Coast error 10 the editor, In Graeme Stemp's article "Who is Don Shehib and why should students Care?"~he describes the heroes of Shebib's "Goin' Down th~ Road" as "1:\"0 Nova Scotia buddies travelling to Toronto to make it big." Sorry, Graeme, but this was a rookie mistake.~'hiletheymay~ecatriedNova

Men

land, some things, like the ofthe Deeps, theCalderCupChampionCape Breton Oilers, the sporting traditions ofTarabish, and the proper use of the word "bungalow," sets Cape Bretoners apart. I'm sure Joey and Pete 'would agree.

- Ellan Wilson 4B political science Act to protect WPIRG

Scotiadriver'slicetlses,Joeyan~Pete

'were Cape Bretoners. No small difference, as any true Cape Bretoner can attest. 'Whilewemaysharea provmceand a legislature with those on the main-

To the editolj This letter is to support the student organization WPIRG. It is known that U\'\"s undergraduate students are

looking into cutting financial support from WPIRG. Firstly, how many people actually attended the David Suzuki event? This was a WPIRG sponsored event, was it not? Secondly, would UW . really want to be known as the university that would not support the only organization that "promotes civic leadership in students through research, education and action on environmental and social justice issues" (orratper, wguldnotsupport the group that has action groups such as "Food Not Bombs"- a ' group that feeds the starving homeless persons of the K -W region every Saturday):-

Was it just this year that there were thunderstorms in mid-January? These are the questions you must ask yourself, undergrads, when you are thinking about cutting out the small (refundable) price of $4.75 per term from tuition fees . Also, for those ,,;,ho are concerned about how their less than five dollars . fee is spent, you could have your say in expenditures by getting involved with WPIRG. Otherwise, ifwe are not going to help in these important issues, let's at least support the people who actuallywill.

- Sharon McGuire 2A chelllit-altngjllemng

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arts@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Wat rIoo's Uptownindep ndents I<now where to go before you decide what to read Peter Sudmant

The Mysterious Affair at Waterloo Right on King Street, across from \Vaterloo Town Square, is The Mysterious Affair at \X'aterloo, which is, as you can probably guess, a mystery bookstore. This relatively young has been open since March , ha~ been accepted

Wordsworth Books Just a half-step from The I"[ysteri-ous Affair is \\'ordsworth Books. \'{'ordsv.orth is one of those fantastic little bookstores that has cverything: education, health, nutrition, sci- tJ., cooking' travel, Canadiana ... oh \'es, and my fayourite: tlction. \X'ords\,'orthis in their twenty-first season of presenting author readings and is host1nganumberofauthors this spring (see website below for details). As you can perhaps guess by \X'ordsworth's longstanding 21 years ofservice, it is an area favourite and, like most" of the independent stores in the area, prides itself on its knowledgeable staff and personal atmosphere. Besides an excellent literature section, \'x'ordsworth also sports a comprehensive magttzine selection and a cozy children's section full of all kinds of excellent surprises. There are many little touches that make \,x'ordsworrh a very enjoyable place to spend an afternoon, including the handwritten reyjews and recommendations by staff members. A splendid little place.

Moody Blues Book Cafe Are you a night owl? Is it afterhours but you're still looking for a good read? Orperhaps just a cocktail? TheJ\foody Blues Book Cafe at Regina and YOW1g is open late, from around 6 p.m. to 1 a.m., depending on the season. Like Old Goat, The Moody Blues is in what used to be the main floorofahouse, but now sefYes as part bookstore, part cafe. What kind of books do they stock? As store owner Gabrielle would be quick to tell you: "Books ever)-one should read." The selection here is definitely excellent, and the books very inexpensive. They generally sell for about half of what they would at Old Goat, which, if you're keeping track, is ahouta quarter of the original price. The trade-off is that the hooks are not in extraordinar路ily good condition, but, as Gabrielle stresses, it's the condition of the text that's important, not the pages on which it's written. So if you're up late: one night and feeling like perusing some Dante or Native American literature , check out

\\'eH-stocked with mysteries of anyone with even a remote interest in this genre owes him-of her"df vi.sit to this shop. Iudeowned and operated, the itself on its personal niH urc-- .owner Paul \X'ilson will be more than happy to personally recommend ur point out a title that interest you. The store also displays paimings for sale and during the '.veek serves samples of Fair Trade coffee. There is even a children's section, which boasts an enormous collection of Nancy Drew and Hardy Boys mysteries. Even if you're not much of a mystery buff,it's worth checking out this little shop for the artwork and the nostalgia of picking up a Hardy Boys mystery again.

Old Goat Books From the iffy-looking front porch of the this old house at King and Young, to the musty smell of used books in the front hall, Old Coatis undisputedlymy favourite store in \X'akrloo. Old Goat both buys and sells used books from inside an old hOllse --, .. in what used to be a front hall, alivingroomandperhaps a kitchen, but are nmv rooms shelved with oyer 18,000 yolwnes. Owned and operated b\' two [()m1Cr lthplinlwriters foralmo:;t fouryears, Old Goat is great fun. I have never been disappointed by a visit to this store --. as well as boasting an enOlUl0US sdectionofrecentbooks, Old Coatis agoocl phce to find out-of~print books. Books here \vill cost only about half as much as they would ne\vand are only bought and sold if in excellent condition.

really your thing, as Gabrielle says, "[even] if som<~one is a physics professor, it doesn't eXCUi;e him from ... reading Sophocles."

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SPECIAL TO IMPRINT

It's a particularly arctic Saturday afternoon and, despite the buffeting snow and icy \vincI, King Streeti~ pleasantly populated. This section of Uptown \'{' aterloo offers all kinds of '.veekend diYersions for any sort of person, and, for the more literarily inclined, a ripe ,hure truYe of excellent bookstores. what kind of book you're chances are one of the bookstores will have somethat will appeal to you. Al.ld barl'ingth:lt, well, you're about a twoand-a-half-minute walk from the library, so you can't miss.

~;Jl sons,

Other notables: stores yourself

sec for

The Booku'orlJl--- Regina and University, in the plaza. ,\pparently an excellent selection of used novels induclinga large romance section Books alld Bibles -,- South King Street, between The Mysterious Affair and \X'ords\'('orth Though each and every bookstore

1 visited had an excellent stock of books, what really separated these places from, say, a visit ro Amazon.com

MOHAMMED JANGD!

What's so mysterious about The Mysterious Affair? Ask ownel Paul Wilson - he may have to kill you, but he'll be glad to help or to one of the rnillions of Chapters bookstores was their personal fed. The friendly atmosphere and helpful staff at all these places dwarfs that of any of the big chains, and eyen if you don't end up buying anything, you're bound to pick up some friendly ad路 vice.

arts@':imprim.uwatcdoo.ca for a

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FRIDAY. FEBRUARY 25, 2005 .

Crash course in novel writing .

TIE IAIrJEST tllllMfS .//JIM. . ." _ . ~WMt1Il1 TIE 8IJT CIIf'M4S " JeW 8Y KIIIJ MII6AZIIIr

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Whatwereyourtbreeftovelsabout, roughlY?

Tim Alamenciak IMPRINT STAFF

As students, we are faced with some of the largest workloads anyone could ever have. Some of us work part-time jobs on top oftaking on five classes per term and all sorts of extra-curricular activities. So why not add a frenzied rush of cathartic creative diarrhea into the mix and work out some of that schedule-related stress. Hell, why not just do it right before exams? This is where National NovelWritingMonth (NaNoWriMo) comes in to provide you just that sort of relief. The event runs for the entire month of November and challenges word spinners everywhere to muster up themotivation to write a SO,OOO-word novel. Imprinthad the chance to sit down with Brenda Lauritzen; a second-year medieval history major and computer sciencerninor. Brenda has successfully completed NaNoWriMo for three . years running. Imprint· How didyou first get started

with NaNoWriMo? Lauritzen: A friend of mine linked me tothc:.,page. I always wanted to write

and~finishanovel. Ihadwritten

~ short !ltuff before

but never actually finished anything:It seemed like the extra little bit of motivation I needed.

How dtlJimlt 1Ih1J the cbalJenge? Myfirstyearwasprett:y""sincel

.and Firstyearofartswasn'tall too stressful but this year was a lot harder, mostly because I was procrastinating. It was hard but it was worth it.

a lot because you learn how to motiI read a lot of fantasy and sci-fi vate yourself and just get it done. books, so it was only natural that I Do you recommmd it to aI!Y student? WeIl, November is the most horwould write the same type of books.. The plot is sttange.lt'ssortofafight- rihle month they could pick. I'm not sure why they did that. It's definitely for-freedom type ofthing, your typical good ifyou have a lighter course load. "good versus evil" plot Do you plan 011 getting your novels pub- If there is the slightest chance you can d@ it, it's definitely worth"it. lished? . Well, I'm done with this ttilogyof What adz,ice doyou havefor siutknts who want to take the'challenge? books. I don't want anything else to do with it and I don't want togo back Don'tprocrastinate.Sitdownanddo and edit the first one because it was a it Set a goal of the amount of words to wrlteperdayandmakesureyoucomplete it Otherwise you'll end up with 15,000 words to write on the last day.

Don't procrastinate. ,Sit down and do it. Set a goal of the amount of words to write per day and make sure you complete it. --Brenda Laurftzen NaNoWriMowinner

SIDEWAYSz

moreinterestinginprintthanon~

What I'm wondering is what makes something a great book but a crappy movie? Or even the other way around? Some of the most successful films of all time have been adapted from popular novels. We've got The Go4fa-

ther, The Lord ofthe Rings, GOlle With the Wind 000 Hon~. Okay, so that last one may not be so much an actual book, as it was a dream I once had of a book. About Jessica Alba. With her on the cover. In a tanktop. But the point is thatyoucan'tdenythefactth!ltHollywood is obsessed with mining the literary world for every last paragraph and sentence it's got. Andreally, what'swrong\Vith that? If you've got a great story, there's nothing wrong with adapting it to another medium. The problems arise when "adapting" becomes "interpreting'" which eventually turns into "reimagining." Unfortunately, this happens all too often. The spirit of the

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Areyou hopingyour lIovel writillg experience will help you with your future career . choice?

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Do you think it helpedyou with school at all?I mean, writing50,OOO WrmIsill30 tlt!Ys is. qllite a feat . Tbeperspectiveisdifferent. When youlookata 1 ,OOOwordessay,it's ooly a couple hours as opposed to a weekend; whether that's good or bad, I don't know. It helps your work ethic

JEREMY IRONS

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A'!}' ideas for your next I1Ovel? I was actually thinking of doing some historical fiction. I'm in medieval histoty, sO it kind ofmakes sense. I don'twantto do anymore fantasy at the moment.

DoyourecommendNaNo.WriMo to t1'!}'one who's IookingJor a career ill writillg? lot worse than themostrecent I don't plan on getting those published but hopefully the next one will be good enough.

... thewaU

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Definitely. In addition to theexperience,it'sagreatnetworkingtypeofthing. If you want to check out Brenda's novels, head on over to www.watchmebecool.com/

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talamen@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Based·on the bestselling novel

Some stories aremoreinterestingon film than in print And by the same token, somestorieS--ahhell--l1Ia'!J'storiesare

"beautifully portrayed without feeling contrived or cliched."

story is lostin a pool ofproducer egos, -- and stuck with him, despite numerspecial effect!; and soundtrack deals. ous arguments. Working with the auThere'sagoodchancethatifitrested thor, Coppolacameupwithascreenp1ay on theNew Yom TimerBestsellerListfor that kept the best of the book iritact a couple of weeks or sports the name Also, during the filming extra meaning "Stephen King," it's gonna be made was added due to the visual nature of into a movie. Next, the bidding war storytelling through film. And voila, you'vegotbothablockbusterandafilm begins. Studios are constantly\'ying for the rights to bestsellers or novels with that is praised for its artistic value. So a unique twist. In fact, a Iotmore books whatwentrightthere?Orperhapsmore have their rights purchased than ever importantly, what didn't go wrong? end up getting filmed From the stuIt appears that for a movie to be dio's perspective, it's a safe deal. Pay a . successfully adapted, itnee4s to be skillittlebitofmoney (comparatively, any- foI!y adapted. If this happens, you end way) and you've got exclusive rights to upwitha situation where the film has as a solid money-maker. Thewriters don't many, if not more, fans than the book. complain -- they get a whack load of . So what's on the horizon? The big cash for not actually doing anything. one is Ron Howard's adaptation of However, now that the studio has the TheDa VimiCodestartingTomHanks. story, it's up to them to make ofit what This~ arguably one ofthe mostpoputhey will. And as everyone knows, stular books ofthe past several years. But dios don't really know what they're will it be another The Shining? Or doing. All that fans of the book can another Dreamcaicheit With that creahope foris that the property is handed tiveteam, I've got high hopes. off to someone who cares about it. Hollywood and the world of literaPerhaps the best example ofabookturedefinitely share an ongoing affair. to-film situation where everything was Sometimes it leads to fun being had. by donerightis TheGo4father. Interestingly all, and sometimes it leads to angry enough,I-..:farioPuzoneverexpectedthe phone calls in the middle ofthe night to book to take off, let alone become a the partners' spouses. Sloppy or clean, bestseller. And when Paramount purthis relationship is here to stay. And chased the rights, theytoodi~'texpect personally,whileImaymoanandwhine, anything to come of it In fact, at that . I Iikeit So, whether it's the box office or point in time, gangster movies were the bookstore, I'll see you there. considered fluff. Fortunately for Paramount, theyhitedFranCisFord Coppola fvukcevic@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

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FRIDAY, FEBRUARY25, 2005

Twenty-four pages in twenty-four hours Ian Blechschmidt

- .--- .".>.._-. " .. _-_.,,--_.

'~'---~

--. _.•--_ .. ,'-' .--..

~-.-.

IMPRINT STAFF

Drawing comics is a labour intensive enterprise, akin to building a pyramid (only you're not whipping poor slaves to finish your work). It might only take an hour -- or even a few minutes - to come up with the idea for one comic but actually drawing everything is an entirelydifferem story. It can take hours to plot and construct a single page, let alone an entire book. And yet, cartoonists are often able to complete complex individual drawings in a matter of minutes. \What could possibly be the reason for this contradiction? With this in mind, Scott McLeod, one of the most respected comic theorists in the world (and yes, they do exist) wanted to know what would happen if an artist was forced to abandon the planning, overanalysing and regular run-of-the···mill stalling that goes along with tTI.:;l.l!H!! a comic book and simply create. As a he issued a mutual challenge to his frit:nd Steve Bissette (Saga of the Slvampthing, etc.) to create a full, 24-page comic hook - in only 24 hours. Well, they did it. Both spent 24 consecutive hours attheirrespective drafting tables and at the end of it all, both had before them a completed comic book. Bissette publi~hed the comics in his anthology, 'j";:lboo, and they sent a fewphotocopies around to their friends. And those friends told a few friends, And those friends told a few more ftiends, As word of the challenge spread, other artists got interested and began to give it a go. The rest, as they say is history - to date, hundreds of artists have tried their hands at these, illustrated marathons.

I~ 24 HotlrCo1JJics, McLeod collects nine of the best. The anthology includes works by a variety of authors, including one of the two that started it all (Steve Bissette's "A Life in Black and White") and one by comics legend and Sandman creator Neil Gaiman, As one would expect, no two stories are even slightly similar -- the subject matter across the nine selections covers everything from rogue guardian angels to zen meditation to a crazy Roman emperor n arne d Heliogabolus. They do, however, all share a certain depth that makes reading 24 J-IotlrComics a much different experience than reading your average X-Men magazine. Personally, I'm a proponent of comics as

a legitimate art form. There are many good examples in the comics industry of skilful and original writing (anything "rith the name "Neil Gaiman" on it, for example) and the stories in this collection are no exception. Though they don'tnecessarily have the sophistication of an extensively planned and revised work, these are clearly smart comics for smart people. Each of them uses some interesting or unique aspect 0 f character, plot or just plain oldfashioned storytelling to create something that moves the reader emotionally, intellectually or both. D a v i d Lasky's "Four Alarm Orgasm," for example, develops a complex, motivated protagonist as he almost gets caught red-handed in an affair

with his boss, \\'hen her boyfriend arrives home unexpectedly, he is forced to hide in her doset \vhile they first have sex and then go out for drinks. Not for kids you say? No, indeed. In fact, for some reason, there are a great many dra'wings of penises scattered throughout the collection. But I digress. The point is, 24 Hour Comics is 1I0t for kids ._-- it is for discerning, literate adults in search of in teres ring, alternarive storytelling. From the detailed, textured frames of Paul Winkler's "Cat" to Gaiman's simple, almost doodle-esque illustrations, the art in 24 Hour Comics is as varied as the subject matter and storytelling technique -. but all nine pieces give the reader a sense that they are the product of raw creativity. The lines are often ragged and even a little rough but this gives them an honesty that could only come when all the spit and polish that normally go into a comic are stripped away. 24 HotlT Comics is a great example of the potential that comics have to shed their pulp fiction stigma and start being taken seriously. An nine simple but elegant stories are a unique read and offer something that your average paperback can't-- a legitimate excuse to read comic books instead of doing your English homework. ianb@imprint.uwaterioo.ca

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Int<ll' Solutions fnxTl a Techtloiogy

PfOf~«iOf'll>j

As an English student I'm constantly forced to scrutinize texts dO\vn to the bare details and determine what they mean in relation to life and culture. Ifyou have ever taken any English course, you know the drilL Rusty bicycle pump equals sexual frustration, et cetera. Unfortunately, due to excessive binge drinking and a dietconsisring solely of noodles and ketchup, my education tends to bleed into my personal life. Nonnally this is a problem, especially when I found a rusty bicycle pump in my garage. I was catatonic for three days. I think video games can be scrutinized in a similar fashion to major literature and they offer as much, if not more, social commentary. Sure, there's celtainiy not a good deal of symbolism in jumping on a turtle and then kicking his shell at a walking brown triangle but with the advancement of gaming technology we have also seen a significant increase L.'1 the academic validity of game analysis. Take the OdtbJ,'()tidseries as an example, \While Abe's flatulence problem certainly doesn't give the game any academic merit, the quiet undertones ofcorporate responsibility and free speech are vivid. Both of these issues are prominent and important in modern society, especially the hit about free speech. Let's have a look at Abe and his mouth, which proudly boasts two stitches. \X'hilc the stitches don't entirely seal his mouth off, they limit its movement. The developers explained this aspectas something that Abe was given at birth for being a loud child and chose never to shed off. It's not a far stretch to extend this to be a

metaphor for all mankind's "stitches" of social stigma; tl1ings that we aren't allowed to (juestion. Sure, we could ignore it and cut the sritches but they're so close to our heart that we can't comprehend living without them. Some might say that I'm reading too much in to what: are simply clever game devices but it wasn't long ago when movies were considered mere moving picrures for entertainment. Even comics - another medium I advocate the aca-· demic qualities of _.- are gaining momentum in the literary canon. Another fmeexample ofthe values expressed by games comes from Haio 2. For those of you unfamiliar with the game, the levels alternate between controlling a Covenant chru;acter and the Master Chief. Lots ofgames these days areincorporating morality choices but the method that Halo 2 employs allows you to experience the conflict from both sides rather than just one jaded viewpoint. Role-playinggames are particularly novel-like in their execution and delivery. Specifically, the "key item" screen containing significant totems that, when intelpreted in the context of the story, hold social values. A prime example is Final Fanfa[j's use of crystals _.- beautiful, powerful symbols that hold the key to various elements on this earth. They are indicative of the struggle for resource control in society. W'hile we are a long way away from being able to major in "North American video g;ames," the academic merit ofvideo games is worth looking into. They are currently one of the top means of entertainmemin society and as a result, express the latest cont1icts and issues within our culture. Next time you pick up that controller think Freudian and try doing some analysis of the game you're "playing." 1 think you'll be sur· prised with the results. talamen@imprint.uwaterloQ,cc

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2005

More interesting than a political science degree Three political favourites that make history and culture fun again Serena Wong IMPRINT STAFF

I'dlike to recommend a few members of that rare breed of books that are both smart and funny. That they all, to some extent, deal with politics is mere coincidence and no cause for alarm, I assure you. But first, a word of warning though I am crazy go-nuts for these books, unlike non-fiction, thrillers or "serious fiction," humour is thoroughly subjective. Tastes and humour radars vary greatly, so there's a chance these books may not be your cup of tea. If you don't like them, well, keep it to yourselfl I don't call your kids ugiy,do I? ,Disclaimer in place, here are my humble".teCommenclations: The writers of The Daily Show, Jon Stewart America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction WamerBooks

The most famous, and best-selling, of the triumvirate of books on this list/ttlis mockAnierican history1 teXtbook by the wentedwriting teaci at Comedy Central's The DailY Showmakes you wish your boring old

civics

textboobweteWtittenlikethis-i.e., with a live audience itl mind~{ Ifyou've seen the show, it's agood indkation ofthe kind ofhumouryou can exPect from the book. Anrlifyou haven't, what have you been doing with your time?Jon Stewart and company ~ewer the political system (and its players) '~astute observations sprinkled liberally with both toilet

humour and more subtle references, as well as no small measure of poetry and imagination (page 1: "It is often said that America 'invented' democracy. This view is, of course, an understatement. America invented not only democracy, but freedom, justice, liberty, and 'time-sharing")' like your other textbooks, there are charts and graphs, end-of-chapter tests and tidbits like "Were You Aware?" U nJike your other textbooks, the cost of this book won't bankrupt you (under $30). I can't possibly do this book justice so I'll just say this: I can't guarantee this book keeps its tongue-in-cheek promise to teach you things like how to "identify political bias in today's liberal, bleeding-heart, J ew and gay-run media," "become an unnamed source," or "not fire until you see the whites of their eyes." But it does two things for sure: 1) Dismisses thousands of years of history in a few pages and 2) Proves that something good came out of the last four years. Will Ferguson, I.., Ferguson How to Be a Canadian: Even If You Already are One Douglas&Mclntyre

.Ah, the Ferguson brothers. These lads haveprovidedasomewhatasym-

metricalmatchuptoAmerica,:TheBook ~y,:>ke~ering5=~da (again -

this is

=::=:=~:=' was Will ferguson's I Hate CanaW~

dians). The book is in a loose textbook format, with sections such as ÂŤWhat you'veleamedso far" thatatnusefrom cover to cover.

Will Ferguson, author of such books as Bastards and Boneheads and Happiness, wotkingwith his theatrical brother Ian, provides us with aninsider's view ofthe ridiculousness ofbeing Canadian. The brothersworktheirwaythrough predictablesubjectsJikebeer,hockeyand winter. Buttbere'smore. Theygoon to look at regional differences in driving styles ('In Toronto, traffic lights are interpreted in the following manner: Green: 'Don't stop!'; Yellow: 'Faster! Faster!'; Red: 'Screw 'em, they deserved to die'''), culture, stereotypes (chapter 2 is titled "Canada:ARichTapestry [Who :to HateandWhy],j and speech patterns ('Eh?Iswbatseparates Canadians from the unwashed, envious hordes ... Canada'smultilayered, contextual use of eh? Is often compared to the American use of iJIIhl. This is erroneous. Americans don'tbavewhatittakes to wield an eh?') They fuither tackle Canadian mating rituals, social values and government BOY!'~;'\ViIlyou tell me about ...

politics? " DAD: Oh. ~aybe you should ask yout mother. " BOY: Lately, you know, I've been thinking about voting. DAD: Oh. My. God. BOY: Come on, Dad, you've voted. What's it like? " If'rot nothfug else, this 'book" is worth reading just for its section on Canadian literature, which has the formula down to a tee: "In Canadian novels tbemen-especiallythe father figures - should be brooding alcoholics, or brooding violent alcoholics,

Jon Stewart is a total dreamboat, and funny to boot. ... or recovering alcoholics ... or broodSarah Vowell ingpathetic recovering alcoholics ... The PaTt/y Cloudy Patriot The main female character must be Simon &Schuster victimized ... She hasto be victimized. Sarah Vowell is one of the most But here's the thing-she should also Jfas<;inating nerd. historians of our be~powered.Tbat'stigbt... generation. She's 'a history buff; but to have it both ways: 'empowered she's not into the standard dates and victims.'" places (though you get the feeling This book is just plain fun. Plus, she'd be hard to stump in that dethere an explanation of the Canapartment). dian Alliance party that's not to be missed. See PARTISAN page 19

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Disinformation dissects Da Vinci Da Vinci Code Decoded Director: Richard Metzger The DisinfomlationCompany

It would appear that everyone and their grandmother have arrived at the feeding frenzy that surrounds Dan Brown's hit novel, TheDa Vinci Code. Amazon.ca alone lists over three dozen unique titles, all purportedly written by experts of some form or another supporting, correcting or debunking Brown's story. The Da Vinci Code Decoded is the latest offering from The Disinformation Company, the same people who brought us Outfoxed, the feature-length expose of Fox News. A quick review of the Disinformation Company's website indicates that The Da Vinci Code Decoded is the oddball out of the company's offerings. While the Da Vinci Code theory attacks conservative, classically held beliefs, the book has become a publishing industry in itself. For the three people who have not read TheDa Vinci Code, the story is the fast-paced adventure of an American academic and French cipher clerk hoping to discover the truth surrounding the murder of a well-respected and venerable art curator in the Louvre. It turns out that the curator had some connections to

a secret religious organization with a direct line of descent from early Christianity. Brown's thesis, veiled in the prose of a mystery novel is thatJesus married Mary Magdalene before his cruciftxion and that the bloodline that they founded survives to the present day. The Va Vinci Code Decoded is a wandering montage of sound and images presented in five lengthy chapters and a basket ofextras. I tis chock full of more than a half dozen authors who speak vaiiously on the Father Sauniere, the discoverer of the secret; the Da Vinci Code itself; the Holy Grail, Jesus and Mary Magdalene; Emperor Constantine .and the Knights Templar. The choice of authors includes Henry Lincoln, one of the first 20th century authors to popularize the Uving Holy Grail theory and Martin Lunn, the author of The Da Vinci Code Decoded, a book produced in conjunction with this DVD and that includes the same cover art. While I could watch Henry Lincoln, who reminds me of William Hutt in every way, for hours, some of th~ other authors are less tha~ interesting to watch though the overlapping narratives weave a tight script The composition of the DVD package, including the cover art and

the DVD footage itselfgives one the impression that it was rushed through production for its release. Indeed, this DVD is the only ~ne that has been produced so far on the topic. The navigation menu for the DVD is archaic and on at least one occasion the extras listed on the package are not what are inside. As well, while the visuals are indeed enriching, the cinematography is mixed, with a few random camera zoo~s. With a little more care, the beautiful settings would have been given their due. Finally, while the soundtrack was engineered in compel the audience to want to watch more, it left me with a serious ascending! descending piano earworm. That being said, the DVD script leaves the audience wanting more. Lincoln remarks at one point, 'We know almost nothing. The demonstrable, proven facts are very, very few. All the restis hearsay evidence, guesswork and interpretation. None of the books that have been written, including my own, have any validity whatsoever." With that in mind, maybe I should go buy another book. -Neal Moogk-soulis

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FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2005

aterloo ·terary scene has somethin to brag about Publishing isn't an easy task. Of the 180 stories submitted for the most recent issue of only -' were accepted. However, Tbe New Quarterly is an excellent place to It may come as a surprise to many students sLlbmit pieces, especially for those who haven't on campus at the University aterloo that published work before. According to Rosalyn a tin)' office on the bottom floor of St. Tyo, managing editor, the editors always try to Jerome's University is the home of a well give some editorial feedback on the stories that respected literary journal. The j'\!eu'cQllortdri), are submitted. has called the U\\' campus its home in one Over the years many writers from the location or another since it \vas established in l<itchener- \11;' aledoo area have been published 1981. The 'writing clinic on main campus in Tbe No!! Editor Kim Jernigan supported the journal for nearlv 20 years. In revealed in an interview, 20tiO, when the writing however, that publication clinic was no lunger able to selection is not blind. In offer their support, the rnagazine found a fie,,," National recognition selecting a piece ofwork for publication, the editoral home at St. Jerome's. of the magazine team of TbeNeJJ' !21!ar!eljy Four years ha'ie passed is looking to evolve the since began in 2002, voice of the magazine, as located to St. Jerome's. when TNQ was wellas to develop new writthe move came ers, particularly those who awarded the arc publishing material for and National Magazine the firs t time. clinic \yas able to offer. ) ernigan's ath'ice for The editors how· Awards' Gold new \\Titers is to simply eV{:f, \verc. ~l,ble to take \\:h~lt not be discouraged. \'Ii/hen n1av ba"'\/e Medal in both YOU submit a Slurv or fiction and poetry, poem, the wurst that can ,tnd put a spm on j s a '''no'' ,\n Ontario a in 2003 the Even if you subrnit the Trillium Grant now pan Gold Medal for story to different celi editor, poetry once again. tors and they all say no, look at this constructively dance of yoiuntecrs k.cep and work on the piece. the runnmg sucDon't give up, because it cessive issues. mal be a matter of just finding the right On top of this incredible show of supKelly McGregor

SPECIAL TO IMPRINT

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Into lTIore of a lnagazinc format and have been more than successfuL National recognition of the maga7.ine began in 2002 \\·hen awarded the Nationall\Iagazine 1\wards' gold medal in both fiction and poetry and in 2003 the medal for poetry oncc again. has a strong f()uthoJd in sourh\vestern Ontario .-.~ Kitchener-\\/ater· 100 in particular --- but it is a national)ournal that publishes \vorks by a diverse population of Canadian writers.

There

two sides

Paper Shadows Wayson Choy Penguin Canada

Choy obsession began the day 1 heard him speak at my former high school. Going into the talk I kne\\- he was an author but was unaware how accomplished he was. l-Ic has earned accolades such as the 1996 Trilliurn Book A ward and 1996 City ofVancouver Book Award for his novel, T/J( Jade Peony, which spent SLX

style. The Nel}) current issue, "\Veddings and Other Disasters," showcases the talents oflocal writers, as well as writers from the Maritime provinces to the west coast. A coming issue, to be released this l\Iarch, features a theme of'-Thc \x/riter Abroad" concentrated in You'll find writers Edna Harry Froelich, Nino Ricci and Diana Fitzgerald Bryden alongside atnateur writers who are working their \vay up to such stature.

every story months on The Globe and 2'vlail's national bestseller list. \1('ithout expectations, 1 absorbed an afternoon of enchanting oratory that draws many parallels with it spirituai memoir about Choy's search for truth and the eventual discovery of the value of cultivated experience. begins with \'hyson discovering that he was adopted at a very early age. Consequently, the people he's knm,vn as parents his enUre life become altered figures in his

COURTESY THE NEW QUARTERLY

Expect nothing but the best of Canadian writing when opening an issue of The New Quarterly.

adows is no exception mind. This forced re-eyaluation of elusive "truth" stirs within \\layson's memories of up in \Tancouyer's Chinatown during the 19405 and '50s. Choy's decision to examine in his novel how newfound truths can impact people's pasts corrc1ates with his belief that, "The li\ing truth of any place _. the moral truth - exists beNieen memory and fiction." Like his spoken words, Choy's simple doque\1twriring style weaves a magical and pO\\'erfd narrative that immediately captivates his audience. \Vayson's ability to paint vivid inlages offers readers an intimate look inro the man behind the pages as d1ey share in his tumultuous childhood, loss of young innocence and realiza· tion d1<lt, "Our past helps to define our present." The content ofPap(:rShtldOlI'J discusses many seriou~ issues such as the difficulty of constructing an identity \\'hile caught between two cultures, especially when assimilation with Cana· dian customs is seen as "mo-no" (ignorance) and betrayal of one's roots. In his talk, Choy discussed the importance of building bridges rather than walls between groups because being among different cultures is a blessing that gives people the n"".".,j-j·,,,,, feastat a huge hanguet table. Sil\:"S

allow

to fuse and celebrate rather than

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idolized cowboys, the that he is often seen as a banana ._._. yellow, or the thematic full circle of past to present to past. As time progresses, people can louk to the past to reHcct on their life and actions to "connect the dots" and arriyc b,lCk at theirpresentposition, which is vital in assigning meaning to people's actions. The more distiner the road people build frorn their pas t to present, the more they can understand the importance step they've taken to arrive at tbelt cmrent point, which yields delayed appreciation for everything that's taken for granted in the moment. Perhaps my favourite \'i ayson Choy adage is that, "If no one preserves and treasures what has happened here before, it will ail disappear ... The human voice that tdls the story is one of the essential ways which we connect \yith each othef.,,\X\: must treasure that." Fortunately [or us readers, \x.'avson's S/Jadolt'J wilt ncyer disappear and neither will his \vords of learned wisdom. -Marianne Nguyen

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY25, 2005

Sotnething Wicked this way cotnes

Gregory Maguire Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West Regan800ks

It didn't all start with a twister or a pair of ruby slippers saved from crippled feet. Alike to the musical adaptation's motto: so much happened before Dorothy dropped in. Gregory Maguire's book, Wicked, follows the devil's advocate's path through the life and times of the Wicked Witch of the West and speaks of where the true essence of evil lies. His unspoken motives and almost-decadent diction give another spin-off to the children's tale of Oz by L. Frank

Baum. Elphaba, l\fiss West herself, faces the overwhelming emotions ofadolescence and slowly progresses through a world of religious fervour and radical sabotage. Along with her antagonistic sidekick, Glinda the Good, Maguire uncovers his fantastic microcosm. Maguire invents a genre thatpairs the radicalism of a corrupt society 'with a not-so-classic story of the Wicked Witch of the West & Company. If you are looking for an account of merry no-trouble Oz, this book comes as a shock with its scandals of serial adultery, political strife (with a modern day Gestapol) and a society thrown into self-terrorism. This is the world Elphie encounters as she moves from a life at Shiz University to one of unforgiving and unrelenting segregation. Evil suspends itselfover the book as l\iaguire hunts down the source of our preconceptions; not only does it provide the untold background of Oz but offers philosophical musings on the nature of good and evil. The maturity and integrity of language that arises is striking; Maguire marries his intricate images with his most well-developed characters - his sense of pitch in voice is immaculate. Elphie, the spitfire and inherently selfreliantgirl, proves to be one ofthe most timeless and channing characters to ever be given life. We engage in her

publicly inflicted abuse at the hands of genetics she can't control: green-tinted skin,an allergy to water and thepeculiat force that sets her apart. Maguire is a modern dayTolkien, with his limitless imagination and nearly autonomous society; the characters and story can almost stand on their own. Overall, the tone and use oflanguage alone are reason enough to pick it up butitis also a compliment to the original story. Maguire covers most literary themes as he intertwines the roots ofreligion, dictatorship rule, social brutality and even a bittersweet love story. It ironically captures realism in an unnatural and impossible world where rulers arrive unannounced in hot air balloons, monkeys sprout wings, and where houses fall on fervently religious witches as they deliver prizes for perfect attendance. With an essence of dark humour, Wicked resonates a deep pathos for the Witch and also an understanding that we are all mortal beings succumbing to our own cliches and falsified preconceptions of evil; we may never look at Oz the same way again. This book is well worth a read, or if you're feeling particularly lazy and are willing to sacrifice a couple brain cells, go out and watch the musical. -

Carina Gaspar

Autism through the eyes of a child

Mark Haddon The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Nighttime Vintage Contemporaries

The Curious Incident qf the Dog in the Nighttime is about a 15-year-old boy

named Christopher who has decided to write a novel. Specifically, a murdermystery novel about Wellington, a neighbourhood dog who was suspiciously killed with a garden knife in the middle ofthe night. Well, atleastthat's what the novelis supposed to be about. Actually, it's a book about Christopher. The book statts off as a novel about a boy writing a novel, and while there stillis an underlyinginterest in the mystery of the dog, the book

becomes mostly about the difficultlife Christopher is forced to live. You see, Christopher is no ordinary boy: he's an autistic child prodigy. He's intelligent beyond his years andis almost always misunderstood by others. Everything in the novel reflects Christopher'S uniqueness, like numbering the chapters with prime numbers only. Even the writing style adds to the feelingofactuaily beinginsidethe young boy's mind. Haddon has created a story about a gifted and imaginative child who lives from day to day in his own little world. Through the course of the book, the reader learns more about Christopher and what makes him an exceptional and beautifully complex character. The omymain downfall ofthe novel is thepredictabilityofevents. Itdoesn't take much to guess what will happen next. This, however, is not as big an issue as it normally would be, because of Christopher himself. Christopher'S reactions to what is going on are what make the book so interesting. Haddon has created a chatacter that functions on routine alone and still manages to surprise an unsuspectingreader. The Curious Incident qf the Dog in the Nighttime is a wonderful insight into the mind of a sweet and complicated young boy. -

Chantel Williams

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY25, 2005

Short stories to satisfy short attention spans Laura Katsirdakis EDiTOR-iN-CHIEF

As students, we pay a lot of money to be here. And what does the university do? Charge us more for parking, schedule exams so we don't have time to breathe in between them, and load us up with so much homework that there is barely any time to do the little things that used to keep us sane. Reading books has always been my dorky pastime. It helps keep me entertained and relaxed when things are going to hell everywhere else. But'the schedule of an undergrad (mind you, a geeky one who actually attempted to keep up with class readings) did notleave me with the time to pick up a book. The solution? Try books of short stories to give you a quick fix. It feels nice to do something completely non-school-related, and hopefully it won't take up too much of your time. The best way to enjoy a short story is to make some herbal tea, fill up a bath with bubbles and bring one of these books in with you. The following are some of my favourites:

Franz Kafka: The Complete Stories Edited by Nuhum N. Glatzer I love scarymovies and creepy books. Who else canwriteacreepystorybetterthanKafka?Thebizarre twists in these stories are the best for getting your mind off of whatever it is you've been studying. And there is an added bonus: if you ever happen to be sitting around a camp fire, you'll have no trouble coming up with the scariest story with this book in your min<L

The Complete Fairy Tales of the Brothers Grimm Translated by Jack Zipes It could bethatl amjusta bigdork, but I love these imaginary tales with a snappy moral at the end of each story and a healthy dose of brutal violence in most of them. Remember the Cinderella that Disney showed off? The Brothers Grimm see her story differently: the two evil stepsisters both make attempts to win the prince by fitting into Cinderella's glass shoe. "the shoe was too small for her, and she could not get her big toe into it. So her mother handed her a knife and said, 'Cut your toe off. Once you become queen, you won't have to walk anymore.'" That wicked stepsister would have gotten away with the trick if a couple of pigeons hadn't sang a song to the prince on the carriage ride home, telling him to look at the girl's bloody foot. That's not what Disney told us at all. The Complete Short Stories of Ernest Hemingway Finca Vigia Edition If you are fan of Hemingway, you will love this collection of short stories. The vivid prose will draw you in. Plus, anyone who likes reading about life during the two world wars will appreciate Hemingway's own fixation on the same topic. Many of the stories describe the life of a soldier. This edition even lists the stories in two categories - longer and shorter stories. See how much time you have, pick the appropriate length and get lost in one of Hemingway's stories.

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27 Wagons Full of Cotton, and Other Plays Tennessee Williams Readingabookofplaysisanothergreatway to get some reading in when you're short on time. Williams is once of my favourites, and if you are familiar with the subtle tragedy of his more well known works (The Glass Menagme,A Smetcar Named Desire) you'll have an idea how introverted and dysfunctional these obscure plays turn out to be. They are absorbing and infmitely entertaining. There is a surprising variety in the characters and situations Williams addresses.

EK!itorc.wimpr1n~uw~*~.~,

Mandela's autobiography still relevant after all, these years

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The Sandman Neil Gaiman Graphic novels are wonderful things. In my first year of university I lived in residence, and had no television in my room. I tried to avoid the temptation of blowing entire weeb:nds watching crappy old movies on TBS, as others on my floor often did. I survived by reac1ltt this series. It is as visually appealing as its st<>ry is engaging and imaginative. This one might actually be a little bit too good; try not to let it distract you too much.

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Nelson Mandela Long Walk To Freedom Abacus Publishing

LA/(g WalA: ro Fret!dom is Nelson Mandda>s bestsellingautobiographyandafter 10 yeatS~fbeingin print,itisasessentialandrelevantintodaY'scurrent political cl:imate as itwas when itwas released. An 'unbeatabtepageturner,M,anddachrooicleshislife andteveals theimportantpeopJethatinspiredhim and the historical events that turned an entire world'seyes to focus onSouthAfrka. 'The bookis arivetingaccountofthelegendaryfreedomfighter's rise to prominence battling South Africa's statesponsoreciapartheidregimeanditptovides splendid insight into the key personal moments in

Mandela's life-critical moments thatmaQe him become the person as we know him today.路' The book poignantly highlights his childhood dreams, hisnaivety as a determined youth and his defining life lessons as a goal-oriented, young black lawyer and most importantly, Mandela's struggles during apartheid, providing vivid accounts ofbts penitentiary life on Robben Island. Throughout the book, Mandela provides details of the most intimate moments in his life: his experience tasting certain foods for the firsttime; smelling the countryside after years in prisOn; and even personal accounts ofhis past romances. These t:ouchinganecdotes were often written by Mandela while he was behind bats as a political prisoner. The stories were smuggled out and later compiledbyhisfi:iend,apoliricalprisonerlivinginexile. Mandela'sstories become all the more important andcompelling to the reader when we realize that through them he launched ideas that inspired a national and global movement attacking the South African government. Within a decade of finally being freed from incan:eration,:Mandela'swalkcontinuedashenegotiated peace with South Africa's president, Fredrik Willem DeKI.erk. Mandelaled his peopIe though a rebellious uprising,'seeking a newgovemment that fullyexpressedthe freewillofthegeneralpopulace. BothDeKletk+ndMandelareceivedtheNobel PeacePrizein 1993.!:Mandela~notethatDeKlerk was one ofthe fewremainingenemies ~dingin a defeated forefrontandit~beenlongoverdue foragovernmentlead byruthless politicians such as DeK1erklind farworsepreciecessors. LA/(g Walk To Fret:thm is a struggle against ignorance. Itis a stepping stone to understanding the spiritofthelaws; thatwecan walk thelongwalk with intents of honesty and courage. -

Daniel

Ka~min

FRIDAY. FEBRUARY 25, 2005

Partisan: literature skewering North American culture was never so entertaining Continued from page 15 She's into the weird little details and how they relate to her everyday life, and she tells it with quiet gusto and in a thoroughly relaxed and personal way. She slips in history the way some slip in pop-culture references - almost inadvertently, as a way to describe her own experiences. In The PartlY C/out/y Patriot (undoubtedly the

best ofher essay collections), Vowell tells autobiographical stories about the life ofa short, odd-looking, weirdvoiced, meekly eccentric history freak who gets her kicks from visiting historical sites of historical "slasher flicks," like Salem. Not to say that Vowell is exclusively history-oriented in her writing - she writes a fascinating dissertation ofTom Cruise's face (''Whoever

said that there are no straight lines in nature never bought a ticket to The Firm. His face reminds'me more of a math problem than a love poem ... hard vectors offlesh',), snake-hunting and ''The' Nerd Voice" (if you want credentials, she's a friend ofBujJjcreator Joss Whedon). But her best stories are grounded in history and so9al conscience, drawing from things like the Trail 0/ Tears,

Lincoln, the 2000 election and Rosa Parks ("the rocker, marksman, and conservative activist Ted Nugent ... refers to himself as 'Rosa Parks with a loud guitar.' That's so inaccurate. Everyone knows he's more like Mary Matalin with a fancy deer rifle''). I can't put my finger on what makes Vowell such a pleasure toread-perhaps it's her sincerity. She teases, criticizes and satirizes American democ-

racy, but she cares so much it's positivelypalpable. She's amarked contrast to people like Tucker Carlson and Dennis Miller whose indignation is rarelyfunnyand hardly ever believable. Vowell's barbs hit the mark precisely because she cares so much. Sorry for gushing-look, she's unique and hilarious, what else can I say? slywong@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

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Mixtape Madness

books on tape

Side A - The only safe (and fun!) way to read while driving is to play these songs in your car stereo Stephanie Radcliffe SPECIAL TO IMPRINT

Is it any wonder that the artists that write their own songs tend to include literary-themedlyrics? The process for writing song lyrics and writinga poem need not be very different: choose a theme, find your rhythm and write the words to match it. So all of these songs are by writers, perhaps forwriters, but all about writing. Except for Ashanti - I'm just still bitter about that one.

scrap that legalese paragraph on plagiarism from course syllabi and replace it with these lyrics: "If you must write prose, poems / The words you use should be your own / Don't plagiarise or take on loan / 'Cause there's always someone, somewhere / Willi a big nose, who knows / And who trips you up and laughs / When you fall."

except that the verses are sung with preceding chapter numbers. A little pretentious, to be sure, but Costello

Smack in the middle of their brilMottisey manages to name drop Keats, Yates and Wilde and still make a wicked-cool song. I thinkwe should

What do the fathers of Communism have to do with a riotgrrrl that speaks in tongues? Don't askme-justreadalittIe

Everyday I Write the Book Elvis Costello This reggae-flavoure.d song has nothing to do with writing or books,

has more lyrical talent in his baby toe "than half the bestseller list.

Side B - Don't bother reading the liners, just hit play Dan Micak

Courage(forHughMacLerinan)-

IMPRINT STAFF

The TragicaJIy Hip Even though mixtapes are exempt from CanCon regulations, the Hip are worthy of a spot. Gord Downie is one ofthe few songwriters whose lyrics srill emanate the qualities of poetry and Downie'sliteraryallusions ate many. In

peanintellectualandhis 12-year-oldlove' interest.Thethemeofthesongmirrors the novel perfectly, while The Police 1fany people look to music to form a changethecharactersslightly,singingof soundtra.ckfortheirlives,butfewpeople a student-teacher relationship, which realize that many of the artists who draws the ire of many a witness. Sting completes the analogy by referencing occupy their CD collections draw their inspiration from a different medium: Nabokov directlyin his lyrics. literarure. In hoilo~ of those .literary.· The Police by themselves could . .7 + musicians, here is the ultimate literary form aliterary mixtape as they are mixtape, side B. known for drawing on literary inspiration for pw::nerous songs. Such Police classics as "Roxanne," which Romeo andJu1iet- Dire Straits Romeo and Juliet is the archetype of echoes Defoe's RoXtina, or the .Faustinfluenced ''Wrapped Around your literaryromanceandasaresult, this theme has appeared in coimtless songs. What Finger" deserve equal mention. makes Dire Straits take on Shakespeare Ramble On-LedZeppeJin mixtape-worthy is frontman Mark . No literary mixtape would be Knopfler's rock 'n' roll adaptation of complete without mention of the RomeoandJuliet'sfiunousba1conyscene. most storied band in rock 'n' roll As Knopfler sings, 'Juliet says 'Hey it's history. If you ha~e never heard the Romeo,younearlygimmeaheartattack/ rumours about this band's dealings He's underneath the window/She's singin', 'Hey la my boyfriend's back'." with the devil or the famous seafood incident at Seattle'sEdgewater Inn, And Knopfler's impassioned chorus, then you might even considera Zep'Juliet, when we made love, you used to cry/SaidIlovelikethestars~I'lllove pelin biography for your next readyou rill I die," radiates the universality of ing endeavour - Stephen Davis' Hammeroftbe Gods is a good place to the romance theme. start. And while a mythology developed Don't Stand so Oose to Me-The around Zeppelin, so too did Zeppelin Police rely on myth in the creation of their Withaslightlydifferenttakeonlitermusic. Specifically,vocalistRobertPlant aryromancethanDireStraits,ThePolice commonly drew upon a favourite audraw upon Russian novelist Vladimir Nabokov'sulita-thestoryofaEutothorofhis,j.RR Tolkien, in his lyrics. ''Ramble On" is the best of Plant's allusions to Tolkien,referencingGollum and Mordor in a quest narrative that readilyparallelsany Zeppe1inadventure.

TaleS ofBrave Ulysses - Cream

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Followingalongthe theme of combinillgmythandrock 'n' roll, this Cream classic traces the history ofUlysses and how"hisnakeclearsweretorturedbythe sirens sweetly singing" among other adventures. " Interestingly, the band themselves have theirownliterary roots. A\legend has it, Cream took their name from a British music magazine poll whlchsaw their fellowmusicians rank them as the "GMmoftheCrop" in terms ofguitarists, bassists and drumi:ners.

The post-feminist icon gets the tribute treatment from the King of Alt-Country. While the lyrics are at times disturbing (''1 wish I had a Sylvia Plath',) thewhimsica! muSic and ~arnest tone make this" a sweet and fitting tribute to the troubled poet.

Marx and Engels Belle & Sebastian

Cemetery Gates - The Smiths liant The Queen is Dead album,

Sylvia Plath - Ryan Adams

:~re;:;~~ltt

Das~andletthesoothingsounds

of this folk-pop ensemble take over.

This was the song that launched Dylan'S career and introduced the masses to beatnik poetry. In a promotional video shot for the song, poet Allen Ginsberg can be seen lurking in the background as Dylan tosses aside giant cue cards with his nonsensical lyrics printed on them. Classic preelectric Dylan.

A Wolf at the poor - Radiohead The Big Bad Wolf is recast as a baby-stealing gangster - your childhood bedtime stories never sounded quite like this.

Only U -Ashanti Hi, my name is Ashanti and I'm a published author - and you're not.

A farewell to Hunter S. Thompson, Doctor of Journalism Tim Alamenciak IMPRINT STAFF

He was a literary genius, a pioneer and a true warrior for the little person. He

and madly in love with its srruill town. He ran for sheriff of Pitkin County, Colora~o in 1970, with the "Freak Power" platform. Of course, the platform included legalization of drugs

~~~~~;=~:=~~tV~~~atcost··

ers and blo~ up high explosives for the fun of it. The revolutionary journalist Hunter S. Thompson took his own life on Sunday, February 20, and the world collectively sighed with his passing. Hunterleftbehind a legacy that changes depending on who you ask but never fails to fall short of amazing. There were lots of unconventional things that Hunter loved. He loved gtlfs and things that exploded He lovedisolationandsmall-townvalues. He loved booze, drugs, peacocks and Mrl.ennan's The Watch that Ends the living in a compound more heavily Night, whichisconsideredbymanytobe fortified than the Oval Office. aCanadianclassic.Thesongitselffeatures While he was an avid gun collector manyexcerpts from the book,andifyou and sport shooter, Hunter was not an pickup theHip'slivealburil,I.ive~ advocateofviolenceandinfactwasakey Us,Downie'schatactttisticliveramblings player in the opposition of the felonyalso echo passages fromMacI.ennan. murderact.Hejustenjoyedthesportof Honourable Mention - TaleS of shooting. He's often quoted saying, ''1 Mystery and Imagination - The hate t~ advocate drugs, alcohol; violenceorinsanitytoanyone,butthey've Alan Parsons Project always worked for me." During the 19708, the 'progressive But the world of journalism saw a rockmovementsawrockmusiciansplaydifferent Hunter; a revolutionary and ing with the genre, expanding song brilliant man who truly earned his selflengths to limits that far exceeded mdioproclaimed title ''Doctor of Journal-' friendliness. Thus, an entire album of ism." He pioneered the ultimate in 'prog-rockis fartoolongtoincludeonany Gonzo Jourunconventional writing: mixtape.;ButTheAlanParsonsProject's ~onzo involves the writer nalism. take on theworks ofEdgar Allan Poe is milinghimselfakeycomponentinthe certainly deserving of mention. The al- " story, inherentlymakingit much more bumtakesmanyofPoe'sfainouspoems interesting than before. andshortstories,inCluding"TheRaven," He was the academic who turned . 'The Cast of Amontillado" and 'The the academic world on its head and Tell-T~ Heart," forging an absolutely proceeded to bury it in a steaming pile psychedeIicexperience. ofelegant prose denouncing the flaws Alsodeservingofmention from the of our generation. His methods were prog-rock genre is Rush's "Tom Sawunconventional, violent, and occasionyer."Thesongmakesnodirectreference ally criminal- but everybody loved toTwain's novel other than thecharachim for it. ter's name, butRushismixtape~worthy Hunter's community saw him as a because they rock. Plain and simple! goodman,Willingtofightforitsrights dmicak@imprint.uwaterloo.ca speate'smostwidely-usedcomiccharacter, "Cordelia," another track on the same album,is named after KingLear's daughter. Downie'smostnotablelitetaryreference, however, follows the theme of Canadiana that runs throughout the eptire Hip catalogue. The songin questionis conveniently titled "Courage (for Hugh MacLennan)' , and appears on the Hip's Fuf!y Compfete!y album, as well as. on radio stations across Canada. Specifically, the song is a tribute to

Subterranean Homesick BluesBob Dylan

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punish drug dealers selling at a profit. Hunter lost the election by 500 votes but stayed in Aspen to help further the grmvthofthecommunity bys~ on land-use resttictions. He established a community caucus to oversee landuseinAspenandtheyhavesuccessfully fended off several attempts at sprawllike exp,!Ulsion. I took a gtItsy move as a student journalist and telephoned his agent to try and get a press photo. The solemn voice on the other end could barely muster the company's name and, after my blurted out apologies, recommended I call the publisher of his latest book. I let it be at that and thought about how I would remember Hunter. To me, he was aninspimtion ·to go against the grain. A testamenttothefactthatthereisevilandrot in the armpits of the world and thatis just the way it is. He is the idol for a generation of counter-counter-' culturists, fighting to stay abreast of the risingwaters and churning tides of revolution. The man who talked football with . Nixon,hostedaSuperBowlpartywhich may or may not have been attended by George W. Bush, rioted. against the U.S. govemmenta!ongsideBeniciodel Toro and shaved (Colonel) Johnny Depp's head at 3 a.m. will be remernbered by people of all walks oflife, for all different reasons. He came into the publiceyebytumingeverythingupside down and leaves us with the lesson that sometimes we don't have to accept things the way they ate. His weighty and elegantlycraftedwords will echo in both the stadiums and the halls of govemment for eternity. talamen@imprint.uwaterioo.ca

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2005 4

Stories路for the young at heart Just accept it -

you're never too old to read children's books

Kate Cook SPECIAL TO IMPRINT

I absolutely love reading! When I was in high school I used to skip afternoon classes to finish a book. However, now that I am in university and I can no longer afford to skip classes, nor do I have the time . for leisure reading. The list of books that I consume has bee!! reduced to one prescribed by my teachers. As much as I miss leisure reading, there is nothing worse than stopping~and starting a book because of a lack of free time. In my English course last semester, I was introduced to a whole new genre of books that offer great plot lines, character development and satisfaction that are also quick and easy to read: children's literature. As an adult reader you will be amazed at the depth and craftsmanship that has gone into your personal favourite children's novel, or the wealth qf talent out there directed at younger readers. So if you desire a yummy book to sink your teeth into but can't committo a Tolstoy, here is a list of five children's novels I have recently read and greatly enjoyed. Happy reading. 00000

Peter Pan J. M. Barrie

Ramona the Pest Beverly Cleary

Various editions

Harp8rTrophy

I'm not suggesting this book because of the recent movie Finding Neverla.nd or because of the pending .MichaelJackson trial. This book was on my children's lit reading list and was my favourite of the books we studied in class. This book is really messed up. Disney took some mighty big liberties when they made this into a movie. Reading this book as an adult, you see that Neverland is a very dark place. The boys that make up Peter's lost boys gang are in Neverland because they have been abandoned by their parents. The rule is that growing up is not allowed and is punishable by death. The book doesn't come right out and say that Peter kills them, instead it says that when some of the boys seem to be growing up Peter "thins them out." The way that Peter and the narrator view women is also very interesting. And this is only the beginning of the crazy stuff. This book is definitely worth are-read.

The first time I read aRamona book was the summer I tumed 18, on the recommendation from a good friend. ~1hat I !ike the best about Ramona is that this little girl (she ranges in age from 4-10 in the series) figures out ways to solve the dilemmas in her life without relying on her parents. The problems Ramonafaces are universal, suchashavingto do things she doesn't like, dealing with feelings ofjealousy and frustration and so on. My favourite part in Ramona the Pest is when Ramona confronts her teacher for calling her a hurtful name. Ramona overhears a conversation between her teacher and another staff member in which she is referred to as a "pest." Feelinghurtbythis,Ramonaapproaches her teacher about what was said. I find this inspiring because this little girl is able to confront the person who hurt her feelings instead of doing the easier thing which is to ignore her feelings and resent her teacher. Think about how many problems could be resolved if peopk did this instead of . harbouring bad feelings. In fact,I think

remembering what Ramona has done could help solve most problems.

The Dark Secret of Weatherend John Bel/airs Puffin

John Bellairs is a fantastic,gothic mystery writer who makes you forget that his books are for young adults. In this book, 14-year-oldAnthony Monday and his best friend, the elderly IYfiss Eells (who is also the local librarian) are trying to figure out if the bizarre weather changes have anything to do with the crazed writings of J. K Borkman, who wants to tum the world into an icy wasteland. WhenbuyingorborrowingBellairs' books, try to get copies with the illustrations done by Edward Gorey, partly because they fJ,tthe mood of the book so well, and partly because Gorey is an awesome artist.

which looks like a cat, and her turtle, Skipperdee, who eats raisins and wears sneakers. Eloise has a lot ofcatch phrases arid little habits that are easy to pick up, such as saying "oooo~" before naming anything you love, describing discomfort as "being out of your head \vith fever and pain" and the phrase "charge it please, thank you very much." And the best partis thatif you go to The Park Plaza in New York you can see a portrait of Eloise in the lobby.

A Wizard of Earthsea Ursula Le Guin Spectra

This is another book I read for my children's lit class and, althoughitis not one of my favaurite children's novels, it deserves to be on this list. I 'mnotmuchofaHarty Potter fan, and yes I have read th~ books, but I Eloise think that anyone who likes Harry PotKay Thompson ter will like this series. Simon&SchusterChildren'sPublishing The Wizard 0/ Earthsea is a Harty This is the only picture book on this list and it could be argued that this , Potter-esque story that has magic, wizbook isn't really intended 'for children ards and battles between good and evil. Published well before Potter, this is the (the inside flap calls it 'all ages'). story of a young and very talented wizThis is the story of Eloise, a sixyear -old girl who lives at The Plaza in . ardnamed Ged who goes on a quest to destroy a an evil shad~w-beast, whlch New York. She lives with her nurse he himself let loose on the land. named Nanny, her dog, Weenie,

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EATU What? No haikus? Poetry contest winners! Here are the poems that w,e thought deserved,the win, and one, that was just plain hilarious At Night RQbyn Joffe 4Bdrama

She drips the water down her face, neck and chest. The drops gather at the 'corners of her lips b~fore slipping down her skin Soaking the soft cotton of her thin nightgown. It is a light green-blue with little sheep that flock about the space between cuffed sleeves. The material is bunched up around her ,waist, and another little shimmy deeper into the blankets pushes it higher She peers over the rim of the small pink cup she holds to her mouth Steady eyes taking in the whiteness

of her ceiling still visible in the dark. The water drips down her body in thin trails, and she shudders A compination of disgust, pleasure and chill Not having expected the liquid that's warm inher mouth to be cold on her skill She lays flat on her back, still and quiet as she stares blankly around, taking in her darkened room. She is used to lack oflight. She swallows finally, momentarily preventing the overflow, before the cycle continues, and she's drinking and dripping the same as before The water flows, though she isn't ' and hasn't been thirsty.

She drips it down her face, neck and chest And waits for sleep to come. She drinks to forget. Downstairs, he does the same. Journ~y

Sam Hsieh

Blistering snow cutting veins The wound is visibly clear Numbness drifts and ushers ill pain This path, this road, this trail Stumbling and falling So maliciously tiring Over brokengiassthe crawling

2B biochemistry

Jagged rocks and miry pits Cold wind blows The path ofi! lot,le ranger The lone tracks show Viscous darkness and quagmire roads The path preludes the pondering . The trail that taunts forever The way that keeps on wandering The sod swamps the waning hope

New path, new road, new trail Though the sun is not always clear At least no longer lonely He \valketh beside me and near My Fat Dog' Rian Robertson

precisely what he weighed. "SOO'pounds, no way, that can't be what you weigh!" "it's true," he said, "i'm fat; i eat too many cats!" "don't worry pooch," I said to him, "if we work hard we'll get you slim. you'll be every bitch's dream after my workout regime!" "we'll put you on a diet, no carbs alright? let's try it. "you'll no longer be a wussy and you won't eat so much pussy!"

2Amath

my dog is fat, no doubt, and there is need to pout. he told me yesterday,

"let's try liftiligweights and shit. i heard bowflex gets you fit. and when done my workout trial, you'll be doin' lassie doggy-style!

PartS: one battle can turn the· tides of war late, though he probably shouldn't have gone for a beer afterwards. He huddled deeper into his coatas

,?e~~::~ uP"}the s~:~o ~e ~~~

ment he shared Wlth his glrlfnen<i. ,The two of them had been going out since high school and.despite argi.lments like the one he knew they would Phil O'Connell was late. He could have tonight, they truly loved each already see his girlfriend, Rachel, starother. Phil knew he wanted to marry ing at him from the couch when he her, he just wasn't sure how to prowalked in the door. She wouldn't say pose ... orwhen ... or if she would say anything to him, which might sound yes. He prepared himself for the chilly like he was ge;ting off the hook, but' silence as he opened the door to their he knew better by now. apartment. She was a master of tuning him out "Hi R'athel. Sorry I'm late, but when she was angry with him and it class ran late again tonight." drove him nuts. He could only hope He could see the back of her head that she would listen to reason this from where she sat on the couch. She time; it wasn't his fitult class had run \vas watching TV and do~g a very

good job of ignoring him. She hadn't even turned to look at him wh<?o he walked in. Phil tossed his stuff onto the floor and walked into the kitchen , to get glass of water. "Alright RacheL .. it wasn't just class. I may have gone for a beer after but Larry was there tonight. I hadn't seen him for ages and I figured you wouldn't mind.:' He waited for her to say something, but she remained silent. After another moment, hewaiked over to the couch, "Look, I know I should have called budt slipped my... " His voice trailed off when he walked around to the front of the couch. The glass of water he carried fell to the ground and shattered. It was at this point he realized the apart-

mem door had been unlocked. 'Jesus, Rachel, honey? Ohmy God!" He lurched forward and fell. Ignoring the shards of glass that pierced his hand!; and ~ees; he fumbled towards her. He reached'up to her but shewas~atly dead. Her eyes seemed to have been tom from her head. He felt ill. He stood slowly, and as he did so, he heard glass crunching behind him. :More By instinct than thought, he threw hims~lf to the side and hit the floor with a thud. In an instant, he was on his feet again and before him stood a person hefthought he had never seen, but seemed vaguely familiar. The person was staggering a bit, thrown somewhat off balance by Phil's sudden

leap to satety. In the person's hand was a syringe. His confusion was interrupted when the killer suddenly ran towards him, brandishing the syringe lik~ knife. Not sure what to do, Phil reached behind him and grabbed a kitchen chair, which he swung ~e a bat at his op-rushing opponeritrthe force ofthe blow knocked the fiend to the floor and the killer slid aCX0sS the room. Phil ran into the kitcheti'and grabbed a knife from the sink. He turned back to face his villain just a moment too late. He found himself staring into the face of his killer and felt the sharp stab of the syringe in his side. See TUSSLE, page 23.

Beijing: throwing fistfuls of .cash for bragging rights The small island of Grenada was • th~ scene ofthe latest diplomatic tuSsle

With America's and the world's attentionfocused on the Iraqi insurgency and the. depressingly open-ended "War on Terrorism," the azure blue of the Caribbean Sea is rapidly gaining a distinctively red hue as. an assertive ·People's Republic of China (PRC) emerges onto the global scene. For China, the stakes are intemationalrecognition of its ownership of de facto independent and democratic Taiwan, which it considers to be a renegade province. The plan is to use its burgeoning economic muscle to win reliable, orat least pliable, friends in the still-developing region.

between the two Chinas. It was not the fIrst time that this idyllic spice island has found itself as the uncomfortable meat in a superpower sandwich. In 1983 the Americans invaded Grenada in respo~se to a coup that the United States believed to be orchestrated by Cuba and its paymaster, the Soviet Union. Fortunately for the Grenadines, the tools ofthe trade have changed. . Grenada has recognized Taiwan as the government of China since 1989; in return Taiwan has supplied the island nation with development assistance. Only 24 countries currendy recognize Taiwan in this manner, and the number has been droppinA steadily as Beijing's economic strength increases and is able to outbid Taiwan in the not-so-new ,art of doJ.J.a! diplo-

macy.

In September2004, Hurricane Ivan devastated Grenada and Beijing seized its opportunity. Taiwan offered Grenada a $40 million USD aid package, which Grenadine· President' Keith Mitchell characterized as inadequate. Shortlythereafter,:rvfitcheilvisited mainland China. Beijing,whichrecenrlycould only come up with $83 million USD to aid tsunami victims in Asia, offered the tiny island a massive $1 00 million USD recovery package with several strings attached. Specifically, Grenada must recognize the People's Republic as the official governnient of. all of China, sever diplomatic relations with Taiwan and state publicly that Taiwan is an. inalienable part of China in order to eamBeijing's largesse. Taiwan, enraged at the rejection of its assistance, refused to be bid up and resigned itselfto the loss ofyet another "ally."Events then moved in predictable fashion With Grenada's foreign

minister soon annout;.lcing that, "like so many other countries in the world [Grenada] too acknowledges that the PRC is the sole legal government representing China and thatTaiwan is lI-n inalienable part of Chinese territory. The PRC respects Grenada's sovereignty and independence and agrees to support the development of our national economy." It is easy to respond \\>i.th a "so what?" shrug to this ongoing diplomatic feud. What's the problem if Beijing and Taipei want to throw fistfuls of cash at developmg states in exchange for bragging rights? The/deeper problem is Beijing'S unspoken agenda, which is much more sinister. \1<;'hat China is really interested in is reliable votes in the General Assembly of the United Nations so that if another Tiananmen Square occurred, China would not find itselfon the wrong side ofworldwide

condemnation and po%,sible sanctions. Secondly, it wants to further isolate Taiwan diplomatically so that if Beijing decides to reunify its wayward province by Jorce there will be fewer formal voices of protest. Once all of the cheques are cashed, Beijing tends to become aratherinsecure and prickly friend. Guyana, which has been a reliable friend of the People's Republic since 1971, was recendy forced to bend itself into a pretzel in apologizing to and professing loyalty to Beijing after opposition leader RohettCorbin visited TaiWan on "per- . sona! business" last summer. Like dropping the nerds in exchange for the jocks in high school, having one group of friends means renouncing that the other ever existed. Beijing is rapidly becoming the kingofthe jocks in Caribbean High. . cedey@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

FRIDAY. FEBRUARY25, 2005

So what's the deal with comedians?' ArdaOcal IMPRINT STAFF

They say that the hardest field to make it in show business is cOlll.ecly. With acting, you have a script, with music, you have instnunents but with comedy,youhaveanaudienceexpecting to laugh at your every word. Suppose you are constantly the centreofattentionamongyourfriendsand can always lighten up a situation with a good joke ortwo-howcanyouwatch a stand-up performance, and not think his/her job is easy? Inreality, acomedi30'S job is both nothing and anything but a laughing matter. Manycomedians would saythatthoughitis arush to hear the laughter from the crowd, the comic industry is one filled with rules, precedents and harsh realities that nobody really notices amidst the laughter. Comedian Ennis Esmer offers details on some of the guidelines comedians followwhile writing their acts. "Any two comics can have similar materialbutstealingjokesisclearlyano," explains Esmer. "I've seen comics doit. Sometimes theydon'tevenrealizethey're doing it. Ifit's my friend I'll point it out to him, as my friends do for me." Also stressed is the importance of hierarchyintheindustry. When a comedian is working on a bit about a topic or has been using a bit for a period of time and they see another more famous comedian telling very similar jokes, the

comedian should then drop his bit. Even if the topic is touched upon on television and the absolute perfect joke has been made about the topic, the bit would need to be altered. 'There is a pecking order," Esmer 'notes. ''I mean, nobody has any business doing a Lil' Jon impression after lDaye] Chappelledidit.Peoplearegoing to see you do it.and belike, 'that guy just stole Dave Chappelle's joke,'whichwill hurt you ifyou're trying to appear professional." The comedy industry as a career in Canada differs from that of the U.S.. According to comedian Jason Rouse, comedians in America are simply.lookingtngettheirnicheontelevision,whereas comediansinCanadaseeitmoreasanatt form and a career. 'There aren't really many avenues and opportunities to pursue [in Canada]," Rouse quips. ''People in the States gioatabout theirseven minute set onLeno. Everythingis about the 'seven minute set.'" The personal life of a comedian can also be challenging. Aside from surviv~ ingthepoliticsoftheindustry,traveling togigs andlife on theroad canbe taxing. Butcomedians also attract a stigma that they are supposed to be funny all the time - a stigma that many comedians might resent or even shun. ''I've been around my friends for years, previous to my cpmedy career," Rouse notes. ''In some situations they

are waiting to be entertained but truth, fully, after the shows, I'm boring. The character on stageis an extension ofme but it's not how I am all the time. Now I have [the stage] as an outlet." Russell Peters, during an interview conducted in 1997, noted that many comedians fallinto a stateofmindwhere theyfinditnecessarytotrytomakeother comedians in the audience laugh, using that as a gauge of how funny they are. Peters was quick to note theimportance ofremembei:ingyouraudience.''I may be funny, but I can't make a comic laugh to savemylife but! seriously don't give afuckifI canmake a comic laugh or not, 'causeheain'ttheonewho'~gonna give me the money," Peters admitted. "He ain't the one who's gonnagive me the break. It's everybody else who does that." It might be easy for some people who consider themselves funny in the eyes of their frienqs to watch a stand up comedian and think they could themselves grace the stage and lave an audience in stitches. Perhaps the only way for them to truly be sure is to grace the stage and try it themselves. Ennis Esmer and a host of other

Tussle: a savage conclusion to the killer's brawl Ru1nedeyesandrage Continued from Page 22

The murderer had a look ofpleasure and triumph in its eyes. Phil could feel himself weakening but with his last ounce of strength he plunged the knife. into the murderer's thigh. With a cry the killer backed away. . The murderer's eyes blazed with fury. .''You have already caused me to make too many mistakes tonight! Too manyl The noise, the mess ... none of this was planned, none of it! You ruined it!"

•••

comedians peiform at the Bomber on Mon, February 28. Russell Peters performs at Fed Hall on Mondqy, March 7 and Wednesdqy, March 9. aocal@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Porn deserves to be on bookshelf most photographed women in the world. Published inJanuary 2004,Jenna's autobiography has turned out to be one ofthe raunchiest books ever to be near the top ofThe New York Times Best-Seller list. It's amazinghowbooks that would once be considered taboo 'There comes a moment in every life are now in the mainstream - these when a choice must be made betw~en sorts ofwritings are unique and fun to right and wrong, between good and read (and you can learn a lot from evil, between light and darkness. These them, too). decisions are made in an instant, but My boyfriend is ~ently reading with repercussions thatlast a lifetime. Jeona's autobiography and loves itMy troubles began the day I chose the , thewritingis great and it's an easy read, darkness." I find myself peeking over his shoulThis is a quote taken from How to der to read some of it myself! Make Love like aPorn Star: A CautionAnother book to check out for an ary Tale by J enna Jameson. QQ(;e interesting read is XXX - 30 Po';' J enna Massoli, this scared young girl Star Portraits by Timothy Greenfieldwas transformed into the infamous Sanders. bombshell queen of porn. Today, This book is "A striking departure J enna Jameson is the biggest star in froIpcommonrepresentationsofpom the history of adult movies, and is stars today," and combines provocaconsistently ranked the most beautive photos ofJameson, Ron Jeremy tiful woman alive. But behind her and Nina Hartley, to n~e a few, with fame and glory, Jameson lived a life insightful texts by Salman Rushdie, of rape, abuse, murder and addicJohn Malkovich, Nancy Friday and tion - as she became one of the others. Pom stars are interviewed, lit<

"Fuck you," Phil spat. With ahowlofrage, the killer ripped the knife out ofits thigh, and stabbed it right through Phil's left eye. A few moments later, Phil was dead. The killer sat back in pain, lamenting the damage done to Phil's eye. Realizing there was little time to waste, the murderer set about the grisly task of removing the victim's eyes. "I still win." The killer hissed.

erary geniuses give their thoughts and readers get a great taste of the realities of the pomindustry. Lastly, for some fun reading before bed each night, pick up How to have a XXX Sex Life: The Ultimate

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mross@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Editor's Note: ljyou've missed t11!Y chapters rifMark Ross' thrilling serial story, read past chapters on our website at www.imprint.uwaterloo.ca

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''Watching an adult ~ can be a learning experience because it gives you new ways to look at the things you do in bed." - Jenna Jameson ''Don't hesitate to tell your partner about your fantasies. Inmyexperience, the more open I am, the more receptive my partner is." - Savanna Samson

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FRIDAY, FEBRUARY25, 2005

Tricking people into thinking you're well read As a result, these poor, doomed souls do not develop the ability to sharewitty literary insights and are duds at parties. At least they were -.until now. Today, my guest Mark Twain and I present the ultimate guide to fooling people into thinking you have an indepth knowledge ofliterature.

An education in the liberal arts, particularly English, is a wonderful thing. Adal1l: U7hat ttp, Twai'!)'? Students of the great works of literaMark Twain: You know the steez. ture gain insight into the human con- .' I be layin' back in !he cut, flossin' and dition;enrich their souls and develop stone cold lampin. the skills necessary to make everyone I seoou've abandonedyotlr traditional think they're really deep and intense SOllthern t!crnaclliar in favollr of olltdated. -like Judd Nelson in The Breakfast hip-hop slaltg/ W0' is that? Clllb. These people are a hit on the You don't know how to write in cocktail circuit and lead lives ofglory the Southern vernacular. Besid~s, it and fulfilled libido. However, not can't be 'l,vrong when it feels so right. every student is as lucky as this fortuIndeed. I can't help bllt noticeYOII 're stili nate minority. rocking the white sllit thollgh. The white \~'hat about those students who smt is basicalfy the IIltimate lit-garb. I got have chosen to pursue computer sciminefrom ColonelSanders' estate sale/That ence or engineering? No litdasses for . being said, let's get to work. them! At first, these individuals love their English-free education. Important Author #1: F. Scott "Reading for chumps," they say. Fitzgerald . "1fe do math, build space shuttle for Fit:rgerald isperhaps the most beloved of NASA. Get big bag of money. A 2 + the celebrated earfy-20th-centllry literary 2!" boozehollnds. Also aproponent ofthe white But then they suffer a striking mit; he wrote a lot ofgreat books in and realization: It's a lot harder to imaroJlnd the '20s, but hisgreatest, the Great press the opposite sex with the Gatsby isastoryofJq)' Gatsl?J, amanwho, depth and passion of your knowl: thanks to his tellacio' and gllile, gains edge of circuit diagrams than it is fabll/olls wealth and pmetrates the ttpper with a few choice quotes from James echelons ofNe11J York sociery in an attempt Joyce. to regaill the lost love 0/ his life.

Basically he's the original Jay Z. Except with booze instead of crack and Daisy instead of Beyonce. You will note that Jay Z has also been known to deploy the white suit on choice occasions.

Despite Gatsl?J's grand success, the story takes a grim tllrn. The nfJ!TtltitVJ of Gatsl?J's dow!ifall poignant/)' exposes the seecfy underbel/)' 0/ the American dream. Let's just hope this doesn't happen to Jay Z. . Pretentious phrase from Amazon.com product description to memorize in a vain attempt to sound dever#l: "Spare, elegandy plotted and written iri crystalline prose, The Great Gatsl?J is as perfecdy satisfying as the best kind of poem." Important Author #2: Fyodor Dostoevsky

Dostoevsky is a Russian author from the 19th centUry who explored stich thrilling themes as the ptlrifjiltg ifftcts ofs'1ifering and the htlbris of IIfJ(hecked intellect. His best-known novclisCrime and Punishment. The protagonist, Raskolnikov, is a starving student who decides to commit the perfect crime: popping a cap in an old lady who's really mean and smelly and not at all worthwhile. However, when the heat goes down, Raskolnikov learns an importantlesson: 'X'hatlooks morallyjusti-

fiable in theory is often ghasdy in practice; He's shook, 'cause ain't no such things as half-way crooks.

Not onfy is tqis bookperhaps the classic example of 19th cmltl!)' Russian realism, it is redfy thick, and whe,! placed strategicalfy on a bookshelf it will go a long lVqy tmlJards inpressiftg that special lit-babe in yotlr life, Remember the seductive words lif the immort.al Ron BliFgtlncfy; anchorman: '1 hatVJ nla,!), Ica/her-bollnd books. " Pretentious phrase from Amazon. com product description to memorize in a vain attempt to sound clever#2 ''Dostoyevsky'srenderingof18thcentury Russia emerges unscathed, bringing the dark pathos (such as wretched poverty and rampant suffering) to life." Important Author #3: George

Lucas Sure, he's not actually an author. But Enpire Strikes Back? Holy crap. H~,

what happened to YOllr hip-hop

'slang? I got tired of that a few paragraphs ago. Ah, I see. U?'e/4 in a'!)' case, I agree with

yotlr assessmmt of ucas: Perhaps the qllilltessential storytcUer 0/ the baf?y boomer generation, his poigl1fJ11t examinations 0/tbe epic stmgg/e behl'tfJflgood and elil perfectfy e!lCapSlllated the l1ational PfYcbe at the heil,ht 0/cold warparanoia.

Also, that scene where Like storms Jabba's palace is indellibfy etched in ollr collective IIflCOIISciollS as total/)' .freakin' slwef. The next few months are touchand-go for Lucas. He followed up the perfection of his original trilogy with the spectacular duds that were episode one and t,"\,o. With the upcoming release of Revtmge of the Sith he has an opportunity to redeem himself. However, due to past speculation regarding possible N'Sync cameos and the J ar Jar de bade, Las Vegas bookmakers are now offering 400-to-1 odds against the movie not sucking donkey bum.

We hope and prqy for this emintmt storyteller to make a milch needed ret11m to form. . Nonetheless,}w contiflue to mental/)' prepare otlrselt'ffs for disappointment, forcing ourselves to expect nw hOllrs 0/dancing JarJaTs. Relendessly hopeful Star Wars-related conversation snippet: "Look, I'm not saying the man hasn't made mistakes. â&#x20AC;˘ Nobody's perfect. But I've been R2D2 for the last eight Halloweens, and you'd better damn well believe I ain't changin' now! So you can just kiss my ass, Jerry. Just kiss my ass." ajohns@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

science@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Build your own home

End.menstruation now!

of'ice

Adam Gardiner IMPRINT STAFF

As reported last week, the Canadian International AutoShow is well under way, attracting over 300,000 people to see all the cars 2005 has to offer. However, the show is renowned for featuring more than just the opportunity to examine the cars of one's dreams. This year, showgoers are invited to explore a 'giant ice maze, sponsored by Pontiac and located just south~of the CN Tower. It's no ordinary maze: the chevron-shaped labyrinth, at 28 m by 60 m, is the largest ice maze ever built in North America. It took over 245,000 kg of ice, in the form of 1,900 blocks and 1,000 hours to build. In theory, it may seem like a simple task to build such a maze - just make ice bricks and stick them together with snow or water as the mortar. Essentially, the process is just that simple. However, to keep the ice clear enough to give the maze that "crystal" look and to make the structure sturdy enough to be safe, a lot more goes into the building process than may be evident. IceCulture Inc., the ice construction team that took on the AutoShow's daunting task, had just days to put their knowledge of the building 'process to work and create the maze before the AutoShow opened ,on February 17. To begin "vith, the ground must be solid enough to provide a found,ation for the structure. The day before they began construction, IceCulture arrived to their site to fInd that, thanks to the warm weather Toronto had been experiencing, the site was a giant puddle. Their solution was to quickly construct a base of plywood that would support the massive weight of the frozen w~ter plus the people that would be walking within it. They then began shipping the 130 kg ice bricks from their facto}:}' two and a half hours away, as the ice is, not created on-site. Enough~snow must be onsite, hoy:ever, to pmvide a medium for levelling and bonding the surfaces; IceCulture brought in their own snow maker to compensate for the warm temperatures at work against them.

Leena Singh SPECIAL TO IMPRINT

The red planet sea

GRAPHIC BY CLAIRE MOUSSEAU

Construction of the maze begins by mapping· out the design on the ground with string and stakes; once the arrangement is okayed, the &st level of bricks are laid out. Each time two bricks are joined side by side, a chainsaw is run between them several times before they are pushed together. This makes both surfaces as flat and even as possible, to allow for the ~umamountof contact. Snow and water are then packed between the edges. Once the &st level ofbricks are complete, th~J:op surface is scraped with °asander resembling a giant, handheld trowel; again, to flatten the surface to allow as much bonding area between the fIrst and second level as possible. The process is then repeated for the second level and so on, UQtil the maze is as high as needed. The sun, obviously the biggest enemy to any kind of ice creation, presents more than simply a melting problem. Even when temperatures. are well under freezing, the sun's rays create imperfections in the bricks, making them not orily brittle but ruining the appearflnce by making the bricks cloudy. IceCulture used two weapons to fIght the melting battle: mylar wrap;

similar to giant silver sheets of bubble paper (which they used to insulate their work) and good old shade, provided by a giant tent team members carried around as they hurried to complete their maze on time. One day the sun was so intense that, even with the cold weather, the team was forced to cover the maze,and stop for the day. ''Today is really frustrating," commented Heidi Bayley, a member of the team. ''We can't get ice up ... and wrap it fast enough." , It was a happy endingforIceCulture, though. Returning later that evening and thenext day, they got the maze flnished on time and ready for thousands to enjoy. ''You start any new project like this and you get excited; you're going to do the biggest one you've ever done," commented Bayley at the start of the project. This time, her prophecy came true IceCulture's feat of frozen engineering has achieved a North American record proving that at the AutoShow, cars aren't always the only things that can be very, very cool.

f agardiner@imprint.uwa!erloo.ca

Go ahead, make a -nuisance of yourself to a strong democracy but it is useful for everyone who is interested in public life. Troublemaker's Teaparry is well researched and leans on social and political theory from time to time but is mostly based-on the on-the-ground experience of groups and individuals that have been active in theit communities for decades. Time and again, Dobson reminds us that -democracy is not a power that is practiced only in a voting booth but should be incorporated into a citizen's evet}tday life in order to help the politi, dans we elect to ~ accountable and effective. This is a truth we should take to heart just after our Federation ofStudents election. One of the biggest problems faced by the Feds each year is flnding out exactly what the students they represent want. So if you want something, go and ask for it - you'll be surprised at the resources that are out there. In case none in our illustriou;s student governing body decide to read Troublemaker's Teaparry, howevet\ the· main key to effective action is, fun. Dobson stresses this in every single chapter. If people are having fun, they're ~ore likely to volunteer, do quality work, be active and creative and, most importandy, get their friends involved. <

Our new Federation of Students executive would do well to take a page out of Charles Dobson's The Troublemaker's Teaparry - it's an indispensable book for groups and individuals ,interested in building connections in their com. munity or affecting action on a local level. Whether you're trying tQ get new members, raise funds, organize events or get your message to a wider audience, this book has the tricks and tools to get you on the ,right track. This is by far one of the most signifIcant books about Canadian actiVism available today. It gives specifIc guidelines for building a strong and cohesive group and, most importandy, advice on avoiding the pitfalls that too often bog down effective action. It was created as a reference for small groups with little funding, to maximize the resources that are integral

If fun is what's important, environmental activists are welllillovm for being crazier than a Rebel Alliance freedom fIghter. Whether they're dropping banners from smokestacks and high-rise buildings, dressing up in fun costumes or living in old-growth trees' these people are always having a blast With the things they love and strive to protect.' Protesting isn't' the only way environmentalists have fun either. Just getting out into nature - going for walks, camping, canoeing, cliff' diving, smoking pot in the forest - is the fust step to appreciating the place you live and learning to build your' . community. Dobson's insightful book aims to give every person the capacity for community building. It gives practical, level-headed and creative tips to allow the average citizen the ability to wJlfider the corridors of power.

The Troublemaker's Teaparry: A Manual for Effective Citi~n Action is available for sale at the Aitematitysjournal offlce in ES 1, pn loan at the WPIRG library in the SLC or online at the publisher's website wwW.newsociety.com <rtemmer@jmprint.uwaterloo.ca

.Photographs taken this past year by the European Space Agency's Mars Express probe reveal the existence of a sea of ice close to the equator of the planet. Scientists have recendy conflrmed that water exists on Mars and believe that the discovery of ice patches increases the chance of microscopic life on the planet. , Dr. John Murray of Britain's Open University said that the ice is believed to have formed 5 million years ago atop a body of water the size of the Earth's North Sea. The ice patches which are very similar to ice floes in Antarctica c~l lected in an area approximately 800 ~ long and wide and 15 m deep. Scientists believe that water originated beneath the surface of Mars. If life does in fact exist on Mars, Dr. Murray ensures that scientists would have to search for it in the warm wet areas of the Red Planet. Stop your period for good

Wouldn't it be nice to never have your period get in .the way of your trip to beach, vacation or weekend date? Wyeth Pharmaceuticals plans to release Librel. the flrst modem continuous-use oral contraceptive next year. The drug is a combination of levonorgestrel (progestin) and ethinyl estradiol (estrogen) and ",ill be taken daily without the usual breaks for menstruation, eliminating a woman's period altogether: .Although this is the &st modem continuous birth control pill, it is not the ftrst in all history. The ftrst continuous use oral contraceptive was introduced in 1960 but the hQrmone dosages were much higher (100 mcg) than the modem pill and were hazardous to women's health. The modem continuous use pill has lower doses (20-35 meg). Dr.Leslie IvIiller, an associate professor of gynecology at University of Washington School ofl\ledicine believes thatLibrel will "eliminate some of the pill's cycle-related side effects, such as nausea, headaches, cramps and other PMS symptoms. For women with severe endometriosis or other menstrual disorders, con~' tinuou..<; use of an oral contraceptive could be the alternative to a hystetectomy." Although Librel is believed to prevent breast cancer and eliminate menstrual complications; it will only be marketed as a way to eliminate,periods. Monarchs missing in Canada

Canada's national insect, .the monarch butterflyhas almostvanishedcompletely from its hom~ land. Eacll fall the monarch butterfly migrates from Canada to Mexico and live in clusters in few distinct forests before flying north again in the spring. Alth~ugh it is difficult to assess the monarch population in Canada due to their dispersed living patterns, the population in Mexico ~ccord ing to their Environment Departm~t has decreaSed by 75 per cent in 2005 from previous years. Butterfly experts of the Committ:a: of the Status of Endangered Wlldlife in Canada believe the insects' disappearance is due to illegal logging practices in Mexico. The chopping down of trees in the few forests where the butterflies reside is eliminating their population by the millions and willeventuallyperish the species altogetheriftheir Mexican sanctuaries are not protected.

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Throughout February National Student Loan Service Centre on campus Thursdays and Fridays, NHl123, 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m; Did you know OSAP academic rules are different from UW's rules. Failure to complete at least 60% of a full course load could result in OSAP probation, and possible restriction. Visit the OSAP website or call our office for further information. Also VISIt· www.adm.uwaterloo.ca!infoawards for info on scholarships and awards that are open for application this term.

Friday, February 25,2005 Coats for K9's event runs until March 31,2005. Creature Comfort invites you to bring in used or unwanted pet supplies (clean & useable) such as dog coats, booties, beds, etc., that will be donated to rescue groups and shelters in need. For further info and address: www.creaturecomfort.ca. Saturday, February 26, 2005 "Intimacy & Personal Freedom" - an exploration in the light of universal nat\!ral spirituality. Join us at 7:00 p.m., SLC room 2134/2135.

'There was a time, '0nIy a few years ago when ~ seemed that all you needed was a strong teChnical skill set; If you could exp:Ie or clesign, yDU were all but aseured IQ be a miIIiol)8ire by the time you were thirty. Those days an! gone. However, for the people who are wiIIi~ IQ assess IhemealVes honeslly anct ask, ·What skHIs and knowledge do I need in addition 10 my technICal background to be.successfuI" there are more opportunities than there heve ever been. And in this market, your success wiN be based squarely on

r~ Development. a succ;essful Wall Streal consulting firm founded in-part by Waterloo ~raduates, is hosting an information sessiori. Waterloo alumni will discuss what illQok them to build the company,

anct

=~ne::oolQre-==r:a~==~~ife~~)a~':: ~ of ~bright (but ~e) Waterloo graduates, to a 100 person, qaspecled technology tjnn on Wall Street. It is a corporate as wEill as a'personal journey, so we want IQ take some of our hard-won·

lessons, and share them with our future colleagues who are now at the baginning of their professional journey. We hope you will join us." . - Gregory BrIll CEO, InfueIon Development CorporatlQn We are currently in search of strong Developers to join our team so be sure to bring along your resum~. . Also, we wID be raffling off 4 Apple lPodsl!1 ~ www.lnfusionclev.com '

ANNOUNCE Wanna ... live purposefully - lead passionately - influence powerfully? Twenty20 welcomes you! Twice a month - bus pickup at UW, SLC at 6:45 p.m and WLU underpass at 7:00 p.Ill,. For more info call '744-7447 or wwW.kcf.org or pauld@kcf.org.' . Philosophy in Action. Join a discussion that looks at .how philosophy applies to everyday life. Saturdays and Wedliesdays at 7:00 p_m. iii downtown Kitcltener - 742-4433 (leave message) ..

................................. ~%~~

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Sunday February 27,2005 K-W Chamber presents Orchid Ensemble Lan Tung,erhu; Mei Han, zheng; . Jonathan Bernard, marimba and percussion. Enchanting virtuosity, with ancient Chinese strings and modern percussion. Call 886-1673. Monday, February 28,2005 Central Ontario Orchid Society is holding a meeting at St. Joseph's Church (lower hall), Courtland/Madison, Kitchener from 7:00-9:00 p.m. There will be general monthly meetings. This includes speaker/seminar/denlos, library, . plant sales tables, orcltid supplies, raffles, show table,.refreshments and good company. Sunday, March 6, 2005 Women's Health and Wellness Fair - it's free! 12:00 p.m. - 4:00 p.m. at Forbes Hall in the Manulife Sportsplex at RIM Park, Waterloo. The "Advocating for Wellness" fair will have live music, interactive displays an9 all women exhibitors in celebration of International Women's Day! Call Diana 893-2363 or email waterlooregioniwd@rogers.com for more information - or free bus tickets. Thursday, March 20, 2005 Looking for exciting careers? A health informatics and bioengineering careers symposium - to bring students together with interested companies/organizations. Join us for this free event from 4:30 to 7:30 p.m. To register: http:// hi. uwaterloo.ca.

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"Ultimate Questions" The Lord Jesus Room for rent -' uptown Waterloo, Christ is the difference. Learn about Caroline and Erb Streets. Call 496Him. Bible study by correspondence. 8273 and ask for Teresa or Bob. Please send name and address to: BiRoom for rent for a quiet individual ble study, Zion United Reformed in·a detched home near both universiChurch 1238 Main St., Sheffield, ON ties: Parking and all amenities. Please LOR 1Z0 or e-mail call 725-5348. bible@zurch.on.ca. Se~ web site: Available immediately - 3 bedroom www.zurch.on.ca.click on Links, ask multi-level townhouse. New flooring, for book. Sign up today, it's free. . freshly Ninted, finished basement. Term Paper help from dedicated writ- . Flexible leasing options. Utilities inc ing profes!ionals with more than 30 cluded for $400 per bedroom. Profesyears experience. E.S.L., research & sionally managed. Call Darlene at 746writing, editing and proofreading, en1411, Haney PM. trance letters and thesis help. Toll Free Free Apartment Finder Services! Over 1-888-345-8928 or cutomessay.com. . 8,000 apartments in our database. We Mustan Computer Systems Inc - sales make appointments, you save time! and service, free pickup and delivery, High rise, low rise, town homes, furservice charge flat rate $35. For all nished and unfurnished. All prices! your computer needs call 886-6004. Call now for this free service. 310We fix any computer problem - $55 7000. flat - plus free diagnosis! Pop ups, viMay Rental - 3 bedroom large multiruses, spam, hardware - we fix it all. level townhouse. Excellent student Visit our store or call 747"5979. Watownhouse complex professionally terloo Networks, 220 King Street, N., managed. Utilities included for $410 across from WLU, behind Phil's. per bedroom. It doesnt get any better Custom essay writing and research asthan this!! Call Darlene at 746-1411, sistance - Essay Experts can v.vrite an Haney PM. essay or research papers on any topic, Eight month lease starting Septl, 2005 level and for any deadline. Call 1-877- Four bedroom, excellent location, 974-TEXT or visit EssayExperts.ca. must see, goes fast, 34 Bridgeport Road, East - close to everything, washer/dryer, dishwasher, gas ,heat, cheap utilities, free parking, open concept kitchen, dining room and living room open onto a private balcony, air conditioning, plus huge rooftop patio, perfect for students. $429.CaU 741~ HELP' WANTED 7724, www.acdev.ca for more info and pictures. Part-time help needed at.l\l Madina Egyp~i~, Cuisine and J\1st n'Pira at Septem~~rRelltal- 3 bedroom. UJ;liversity. Plaza.) 50 Upi~er$ity Ave., townhouse in student complex. ExcelW., Waterloo; beside Campus Launlent unit 'with new carpets and vinyl dry. Please bl'ihg resume in during being installed before move in. New business hours. appliances. Utilities included $41 0 per' bedroom_ Call Darlene 746·1411. Weekendcouoscllors and' relief staff to work in hOnles for individuals with Three bedroom apartment for Septemdevelopmental challenges. Minimum ber and May $395 per room. Five bedeight-month. commitment. Paid posiroom apartment on 449 Hazel, $350 tions. Send resume to Don Madt!r, Kperrooni September t, 20()s.ifWi)·one W Habilitation Services, 108 Sydney bedroom $900-$700, 122 Columbia Street, Kitchener, ON, N2G 3V2. 8 rooms. 746-6327 or 501-1486. Erbsville Kartway and Minigolf reCall Waterloo Off-Campus Flonsing quires full-time and part-time staff for (WoO.G.B.) for all your housing needs. ,posiJions in custom.er relations, yard Quality service and quality housing at ma~tenance and the conCession stand. www.rentwoch.com. 747-7276. Lead had positions available. Phone 238 High st. off Hazel- Modern self 884-5650 or e-mail contained 3 bedroom, living room, ekartway@execulink.com. kitchen, complete bathroom, free Camp Wayne for Girls. Childrens' laundry and parking. Group tenancy sleep-away camp, Northeast Pennsylfor 3 students. No pets allowed. 12 vania (6/18 - 8/14/05)" If you love month lease required - May 1/05 to. children and want a caring, fun enviAugust 30/06. $415.00 per student per ronment we need Directors and Inmonth. utilities included. Contact June structors for Tennis, Swimming (W.S.I. Smith 416-491-1370, cel!'416-705prefe'rred), Golf, Gymnastics, 5648. Cheerleading, Drama, High & Low TRAVEL' Ropes, Team Sports, Waterskiing, New York Hostel - $20 per night - speSailing, Painting/Drawing, Ceramics, ciallong stay $105 per week, minimum Silkscreen, Printmaking, Batik, 3 weeks - double room $60 and $65 -, Jewelry, Caligraphy, Photography, Call Gisele at 1(212)666-0559 or fax Sculpture, Guitar, Aerobics, Self1(212)663-5000. Defense, Video, Piano. Other staff: Administrative/Driver (+ 21), Nurses COURSES (RN's and Nursing Students), BookSP-100 forest Firefighting Course, 'keeper, Mothers' Helper. Interviews Waterloo, March 16 -20, 2005. Please March 21. Call 516-889-3217 or 1call to register Wildfire Specialists Inc. ' 800-279-3019 or apply online at 2233 Radar Road, Suite 5, Hammer, wWw.campwaynegirls.com. ON P3P 1R2. Toll Free: 1-877-381Wait persons with Sip program and 5849. Ontario Ministry of Natural line cooks needed weekends and Resources Accredited. No Guarantee weekdays at Angies. Call 747-1700, of Employment. Sharon or Mike. Cocktails, Canada's top beverage marketing and event management com: pany is looking for energetic, sociable and mature people to work on our promotions for top alcohol brands at the hottest clu'bs,in Waterloo and Canada. Contact us immediately! cocktails@beerchill.com or (416) 4663765_ Please Pfovide rehited experience and refercmces. ' .''''~

Bailers get III fop championship drive -pauef8

sports@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

s Rod Mclachlan IMPRINT STAFF

After getting a better playoff matchup than anymembetofthe \X'arriors could have evetdteamed of, \XÂˇ'ate1'l()(J's men's hockey team failed to see a storybook result in theit first postseason game against their cross-tm,vn toe, the Laurier Golden Hawks. In one of the best ongoing rivalries in aU Canadian varsity sports, the \Vaniors \yere soundly defeated by thev-isiting Golden Hawks 3-2 this past \\'ednesd'lY nightallo,",9ing \,('LU to capture the critical opening game ofthe first round bestof.three series. Despite the slim one-goal margin of victory, the ba111c'W"as anything but close for first 58 minutes as theLamierGolden Hawks dominated play right from the opening faceoff. The Hawks' defensive strategy dogginguptheneutralzone-wasvery effective in foiling lJ\X"s attempts to keep the puck in deep. Corp.bined with some vel:yundisciplined play by Water100, thegamequic.1dy slipped outofreach forrhe Warriors. 'The opening goal, a five-on-three shorthanded marker, was scored by Laurier's Tim Parsons, who brilliantly putt-he puck past Curtis Darlirigafter a Waterloo defender had dived to block Parson's path to the net. First-year centre Matt Levicki had a golden opportunity to tie the game with

arrlOrS 1

20 secondsleftin the first frame when the puck ended up on his stick \1:ith a wide open net; however he failed to find the handle on the playatKl the period ended mercifully'\vith the Warriors fortunate to be down only 1-0. Nevcltheless, the \X'arriors continued to look lifeless in the second period as they took a number ofcostlypenalties L'1 the last eight minutes of the period, which led to another Parsons's goal--a slap shot from the top of the faceoff circle that got past Darling upstairs on t.he short side. In the final period, Laurier's Riley i\foher leaned into a one-time shot from the slot with about eight minutes left in the game and beat Darling to put the Hawks up 3-0. Refusing to give up, the Warriors pulled theit goalie\vith 2:331eftin order to gain the extra attacker. Adding to U\Vsadvantage, WLU'sEricLarochelle was called for a penalty, giving the Warriors a sL'C-on-fom. About halfa minutelater the strategy paid offwhen second-year centre .fI.fike Della Mora scored a wrap-around goal on Laurier goalie Justin Day. The primary assist on the play went to U\Vs Doug Spooner. \Vtth less than 50 seconds left in the game and Darling still on the bench, rookiedefencemanAlexMacDonellwired a shot past Day to draw the Waoiors to within one, making the score 3-2. However, thatwasas dose as Waterloo would

layo

get as the Golden Hawks dosed thedoOi: on the \,\'aniors in the remaining seconds of the game. Laurier entered \Xlednesclay night's initial postseason clash with a 12-10-2 regular season record, which was good enough for the fifth seed in the ~UA's combined ,vest division. Meanwhile, the \1)'arriors \-vrapped up theitreguhr season \\-ith a 13-8-3 record, seeding them in fourth-place. During the regular season \Vaterloo clearly had Laurier's number as U\V crushed the Ha\vks 4-1 on January 15 and 4-0 just t\voweeks ago. In both of those victories \X'arriors' rookie netminder Darling, who wrapped up the regular season \\-ith a spotless 2.02 goals at,>ainstaverage and .930 save percentage, was the difference. Howevenviu.1 thisrecentloss against the Golden liawks, tl1e \Varrims ended an impressive sttetch of play that had seen them lose onlytwicein their final 16 regular season contests. In what is anticipated to be a bambumerofagame, the Warriors hi.."ad to Laurier's Waterloo Recreation Complex down one game to none for the second instalment of this postsi.."ason Ba.ttleof\'I;"aterloo, which ,,<ill take place tonight, February 25. Game time is set for 7:30 p.m. Ofconcem forthe Warriors heading to the WLU's Rec Complex will be the arena's Olympic-sized ice surface, which has been a focus in Waterloo: s ptepara-

o ener

PHOTO COURTESY OF HEATHER MONTI

laurier goalie Justin Day checks behind him to see Mike D Mora's goal during the teams' playoff opener on February 2 tions fotprevious regular season games against Laurier eailier this year. Should a third and final deciding gamebe necessary theWarriors willonce at,>ain host the Golden HawksattheCIF arena tomorrow night at 7:30 p.m. In other OUA westplayoffactionon Wednesday night, the sixth-seeded

Guelph Gryphons (8-11-4-1) ho the LakeheadThunderwolves, whc ished the regular season with a 15 f(.'Cord. I.akciu:.'ad sqUi.."aked by in the postseason meeting between the dubs with a 4-3 win. rmclachlan@imprint.uwaferlo

â&#x20AC;˘ Lady Warriors fall to McMaster ln first round of hoops playoffs Jason Kennedy _._--------- .._----_._--_._-._-----._..-

The two previous contests were easily handled by the third place Marauders, who boast a strong line-up with two players who are ranked among the QUA's top 20 overall scorers. With the win, McMaster advanced to face the Brock Badgers in the ~UA West Semi-Fillal game on Wednesday,February23. The Warriors entered the contest on a high note due to their playoffclinching road victory against Windsor to close out the regular season. Prior to

SPECIAL TO IMPRINT

Having squeaked into the playoffs on the basis of a tiebreaker, the Warriors women's basketball team failed to capitalize, losing their fIrst round playoff matchup to the McMaster lYiarauders. 'The Warriors met the Marauders in Hamilton on Saturday, February 19 and feU in the contest 55-44. The loss was the team's third to McMaster this season.

the McMaster game, head coachMano \Vatsa commented on the team's recent play, "Ourgitlsareexcited, we've, been peaking over the past fewweeks," The Warriors were feeling confident heading into Saturday'S game but, according to \Vatsa, the team knew the importance and magnitude of the big playoff matchup ag-ainsr MclVfaster. "Our gids are feeling confident"" noted \~;ratsa prior to the contest. "They understand what's on the line and

with four graduatingp!ayers, everyone knows what this game means." The four graduaring Warriors are Kate McCrae,Julie Devenny, Caroline Beairsto and Melissa Berg. \VatsaadvocaK-d defensive tenacity and hard work as the key ingredient to winning on the road in Hamilton. ''We must contain and limit the touches for the Marauders two main players, SaraJl Sterling and Chiara Rocca." \'X:'ith a great defensive effort by the Wal'11orsin the frrst half, they were able

to follow the coa.ch's game plar containingSterlingand Rocca and h ing them to only six points api This wasn't enough though as Warriors trailed by 11 points as the c:ame to an end. Tbe Warriors continued to ba however, and the second half w: heatedaffairwhich saw both KmTlS b out a physical componmt oftheitg. which was absent during the first b See PLAYOFF lOSS, pagE

Presents

THIS WEEK IN

ATHLE CS JACKIE CRAIG, CURLING

SAXON

Jackie was instrumental in the Warriors Gotn medat victory this: past

v~"Wkend

at the

QUA Champk;-nships. Jackie -'Vice) pO.'ited personal percentages of 81% (sem!-final v5

Queen's) and 77Of\J (final V5 ~Vestem). Jackie's strong execution coupled with the strong play at ail ~m positions was key to the Warriors ~ctory. The five game combined percentage of JUst over "15% for Jackie was key to the women's; team success and wln.

._-

Calamity Jane, The Heroine of Whoop Up Invites you to aUend an all-out Cowgirl Literary Salon with readings and word-slingin' by Literary Belles:

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 25, 2005

Warrior men begin championship quest

EBIlIOTEBOOM

James Rowe

WBIESmEB PBISGIIJ..A. UPPAL

IMPRINT STAFF

MAR 8 • 4 ~~ ~

lJ;.

!JJ

•

The Waterloo men's basketball team secured ftrst place in the OUA West Division after a dramatic win in their fmal game of the regular season. On Saturday, February 19, the \'7arriors traveled down the road to face their geographic rival, the Wilfrid Laurier Golden Hawks and were able to overcome some inspired play by the host GQlden Hawks to pull out a 6866 victory. The win gave UW a sweep of the two-game season series with the Golden Hawks, winning the two games by a combined margin of only six points. Laurier was able to keep this one close byshuttiQgdovm the \"X'arriors' top scorer on the season, guard

Graham Jannan, to just six points in 38 minutes. The Golden Hawks were able to slow down the Warriors' offence by mixing up their defence throughout the game, giving the experienced Waterloo team lots of different looks. B~t with the game tied in the close ing seconds,Jarman was able· to get free from the Golden Hawks' Clefence, driving to the basket aqd scoring a reverse layup with just four seconds remaining to give Waterloo thei!winning margin. Waterloo head coach Tom Kieswetter was relieved to sneak out of the difficult Laurier game with a victory. "It's a tough rivalry - the games are always intense and it's a high level of competition," he said. "\'7ewere able to fmd a way to win . a close game at the end and that's a big

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Warriors forward Chris Edwards battles on the boards with Laurier guard Jamie Campbell in their game February 19.

conftdence builder for our team heading into the playoffs." UWwas able to overcomeJannan's struggles by shooting 51 percent from the fteld as a team, led by ofth year forward Andrew Coatsworth who contributed at both ends of the floor, scoring 15 points in 25 minutes before fouling out of the game. The reliable Chris Edwards was once again strong inside, adding 11 points and nine rebounds for the Warriors. Gerard Magennis also had a strong game for the Warriors, chipping in with 12 points despite not practising in the days leading up ~o the game with a nagging groin injury. For Laurier, Wade Currie led the charge ·wi.th 19 points in just 17 min~tes, while Andtew 1f;ckay shot 4-5 on three pointers to keep the Golden Hawks 'within striking range. The win gave the Warriors a ftnal regular season record of19-3 -.tied for fttstirrtheirdivision with the Brock Badgers. T~e Warriors hold the tiebreaker between the two teams for having beaten the Badgers twice this season. \XTith that ftrst place standing, Waterloo now holds home court advantage throughout the provincial playoffs. They hope to use their stellar . regular season as a springboard to a provincial championship and a berth in the CIS championships. . Expectations are high for the Warriors after their terriftc regular season and because of the fact they enter the playoffs as the sixth-ranked team in the nation. . Despite having struggled to late victories against two middle-of-thepack teams to close out the regular season, Kieswetter feels his team is ready for the playoffs. "We're playing well, we just haven't been shooting great," he said. '}:'d say we are exactly where we want to qe." The teams with the best chance to upset the Warriors in the playoffs are Brock and the McMaster Marauders, ~ho earlier this season routed the Warriors bya score of94-65 to split the season series. UW has been hampered by injury problems late in the season with lots of players battling injulies but Kieswetter does not expect anybody to be sidelined by their injuries. "We have some guys hurting but everyone is still able to dress, so ~e're ready." Kieswetter also said that the Warriors will not be working on anything special in practice to prepare for the playoffs. "We're just going to do a lot of shooting drills. That is the only part of our game that has be~n lacking .lately." • The Warriors will begin their quest for a championship at home· against the [Lakehead Thunderwolves or Guelph Gryphons) on Saturday, February 26 at 3 p.m. V;.'aterloo swept the season series against the [Gryphons or Thunderwolves). jrowe@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

FRIDAY. FEBRUARY 25, 2005

Fuchs does it again March MactDess registration extended Registration has been extended for Campus Rec's annual l'vfarchl\fadness three-on-three basketball toutn~ent, which ~ be held Friday, l'vfarch4andSaturday,l'vfarchS. Registration forms are available in the PAC athletics office. W'hile the deadline has been extended, thereis stillonlyp1ace for aIimited number of teams. Further information is available from Kim Saunders who can be reached bye-mail at kasaunde@ahsmail.uwaterloo.ca or by phone at 888-4567,ext 5921.

Dan Micak and Arda Ocal IMPRINT STAFF

Volleyball pair earn honours Kathleen Freeman has been named a fIrst team all-star for the OUA West Division. In 2003, Freeman was selected to the OUA West second division all-star team. First year leftside Gabriella Lesniak has been named as the OUA West Rookie of the Year. The Hamilton native is the ftrst Warrior to earn this recognition. Lesniak\vas also named a second team West division all-star.

Women's hockey to"begin playoff quest On Saturday, February 26, the Warriorswomen's hockey team will be on the road for their ftrst contest of the 2005 playoffs. The Warriors, who finished in thirdin theOUA West division, will face the BrockBadgersin St Catharines for a 6:40 p.m. game. Available classes include TNT and TKO. Half-price fitness classes available soon Beginning Febuary 28, Campus Recv,ill offer the opportunity to sign up formany oftheir fitness classes at SO per cent offthe listed price for the rest of the term.

Fuchs up for Iwanoczko Award again Varsityvo1leyball veteran Brian Fuchs has been nominated for the Dale lwanoczko Sportsman award for the second year in a row. Fuchsreceived thenodafteranimpressiveseasonandmaintaining an academic averageof80 per cent orhigherin the past three years.

dmicak@imprint.uwaterloo.ca aocal@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Touring through the bookstore • sports sectIon .

When the contents of former baseball "star"Jose Canseco's book -..:. outlining the rampant steroid we in baseball-were madepublicrecently, I was as shocked as anyone. Who knewJose Canseco was literate? .Whether Canseco penned the book himselfor had aghostwritertranslate his mindless grunts into words,Juicedwillhitthe shelvesnextmonthin whar is sadly the most anticipated release since Paris Hilton's phone book. But Canseco isn't the ftrst- or the last athlete to recover his pissed-away millions by suddenly appearing on the bestseller's list. In fact, sports books run the gauntlet frommanure-shovellingexposetocheesysoul..:seatcherandeverything in between. So in this,Inprinlsliteraryissue, we take a tour through the bookstore's sports section.

Warriors leave Quebec with new relay record Steve Utz SPECIAL TO IMPRINT

The Waterloo Warriors made the most of the fast track at McGill University in Montreal on February 18-19, picking up 14 season personal bests and 18lifetime personal bests in a last ditch effort to qualify athletes for the CIS championships in Winnipeg. Needing to improve on their previous times to move on to the nationals, both the men's and the women's 4x200-metre and 4x400-metre teams shaved precious seconds off their best efforts to date, securing them the opportunity for CIS medals. ,Leading the way were the men's relay team of Drew Haynes, Shane Ferth, Kirk Ewen and DavisDowhaniuk who set a n~w UW 4x400metre record with a recorded time of3:32.25good enough for second place overall. The same crew, with Kyle Raymond in placeoffiowhaniuk at anchor~ took the top spot in the 4x200-metre team event with a time of 1:30.56. . The UW women's relay team of Rebecca Murrant, Kate Bickle, Nicole Grinstead and Cindy Willits were equally strong, winning the relay 'miledistance(4x400-mette)withatimeof4:07.36 that would have made Roger Bannister proud. With Sarah Snablein place of Grinstead for the third leg ofthe 4x200-metre ~vent, the same crew used an excellent time of 1:45.73 to place third overall. Waterloo dominated a number ofother track

events, coupling a great solo 3000~metre run by women's team captainJ oailna Fedywith terrifIc WOO-metre and 2000-metre runs by Colin Lawrenee and Kevin Smith to place on everypodiufu in the endurance events. On the field, the Warriors proved no less capable with NicoleJenkins andJ enna Bell turning a rugh jump ofl.50 metres and a triple-jump of 10.26 metres into bronze level placements. Likewise, Drew Haynes and Andrew MacDonald parlayed triple-jump distances of 13.89 metres and 13.19 metres into ftrst and third place finishes respectively. Waterloo's shotputters were also right on the mark with Laura Boyd taking third with a toss of 11.03 metres andJustin Lutchin claiming victory with a mammoth throw of 13.80 metres. In the men's 60-metre hurdles, fourth year . fIne arts student Andrew Sepic shaved 0.21 sec~ onds off his previous personal best to lelfVe fa belle Protiflce with a time of 8.68 seconds. The latest time reduction wa!? good enough to gamer him the"13th fastest time in the nation. Overall, the 32 points earned tltrough personal bests on the weekend gives the Warriors 181 total points on the season and does much to indicate that the team is peaking at the right time. Coach Brent McFarlane indicates that the recent performanceshavedonemuch toheightenmorale leading into the OUA Championships at Windsor on the weekend of February 25-26 and the CIS Championships hosted by the University of Manitoba in Winnipeg on March 10-12.

Th~==r~':l~~~r;rS:;i~ed this category with his The Home Team: Fathers, Sons andHocleq. It's adecentread buttheenjoyabilityof these books depend solely on the audience. Chances are aBud-Swilling,ass-scratchingDaleEarnlWdtJr. fan is not going to like Deepak Chopra's Golffor Enlightenment: The sewn lessonsfor the game 0/life. But for the more refined, sociological sports fan,4tisis yourca~ry.

The compilations, lesson guides and

almanacs Thc::se are the most overpriced - and utterly useless - books in the sports section. Mind you, afewhavemerit-golfczarHarveyPenick'sLittIe &dBookcomestomindButannualleagueguides and almanacs take up more space on your bookshelves and credit cards than they arewotth. And ifIseeonemorebookabouthowtocoachfootball, I thinkImightneedpharmaceuticalsedation(maybe Jose can help with that).

The rest - also known as the -good'" sports books ForeveryJoseCanseco, thereis a Ken Dryden. The money-grubbing tell-all autObiography And foreveryDoubledaystaffwriter,there's a Rick This is the category that Canseco's book-and Reilly. Dryden'sTheGamehasloogbeenconsidered fartoo manyothersin our time-have fallen into. amongtpe top sports books ofalltime.AndReilly, Some athletes write books outlining a stellar and a columnist for Sports Illustrated (and my personal inspirational career. Others, like Canseco, use the hero), authored the funniest sports book on the written word to bitch and whine and point an market today- Who'symrCaJ4y?Even actor Bill , accusatory finger at everYone but'himsel£ News Murray has a gteat sports book - GndereIIa Story: flash,Jose - the needle has your ftngetprints on AfylifeinGo!fis almost as enjoyable as Murray's role it no matter What the book says. inthecultclassicCaJ4yshack.Justabriefdigpastthe tabloid-esqueCansecoworks canrevealsometruly The 120-page paperback unaut~ gteat'Stuffin the sports aisle. biography But there's also some truly crummy stuffin the These books are far less explicit - and far less sports aisle - sports literature is a peculiar genre. interesting to read. We've lillread one, written bya Some works are insptted and magical; some are Star Trek fan-turned-faceless-staff writer at completely useless.1;lut no matter how bad some Doubleday Publishing and crafted using mostly , sports lit gets, just it could always be old stories from USATodqy.Ifthe sourcesareweak, worse. so is the book - after all, its unlikely Magic It could be Juiced. Johnson's childhood barber will shed much light on the hoopster's life and times. amcgui~e@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

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.//-

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY25, 2005

Curling: young teams predict future success

Playoff loss: season ends for Warriors

Continued from cover

Continued from page 27

Going into Sunday the men's team was disappointed with their play but knew that things cou).d turn around quickly if they could build some confidence early on. "Playing well in the big games is all that really matters," said Sherrard. The Warriors came out the following day re-focused and ready for the pressure of the playoff round, where any loss would eliminate them from contention. The men's semi-final game gave them a rematch with Brpck and this time the \'i'arriors were able to come out "vith a 5-2 win to advance to the championship game against Queen's. Waterloo curled an exceptional 83 per cent for the game, paced by their lead, Sayer, who curled a fantastic 87 per cent. The women went into SUnday's playoffrOll:fid pleased with their overall play. ''We didn't need to make any big changes, we just m:eded to execute our shots better," skip Bakewell said. Thewomenalsohadachancetoavenge a defeat from a day earlier against Queen's. UWcame outplaying avery aggressive style and took control ofthe game with a steal of four in the fifth end. The teams then traded scores of three in the sixth and seventh ends and Waterloo took a 9-6 lead into the 10th

end. In that end, theywere successful in running the Golden Gaels out of rocks for a 9-8 victory. Thewometl curled 81 per cent as a team in the semi-final, lead by the play of Long, the lead, who curled 86 percent. In the championship game, the women were once again matched up against Western. The Warriors were able to control the game from the outset, playing a technically sound game to defeat the Mustangs 6-3 and capture their first OUA title since 1999-2000. Bakewell is optimistic that this could be the first of multiple cham-. pionships for her rink, as the young team should remain together for a few years to come. "All members of the team have been successful in juniors and I do believe this could be a great team in the future as well," she said. In the men's final, Waterloo was . up against a Queen?s team that had routed them in their two previous meetings; The Warriors were able to keep things close early on as they looked for an opportunity to take control of the game. That opportunity would come in the fourth and fifth ends and the Warriors took advantage, scoring three and stealing two respectively. With a 6-2 lead, the Warriors were able to dictate play ~d the teams

traded singles in the next four ends before Waterloo ran the Golden Gaels out of rocks to seal an 8-4 victory and their first men's title since 1995-1996. The Waterloo strategy ofplaying a simpler game with less rocks in play took away the strength ofthe Queen's skip, his ability to play big weight takeouts. Sherrard, the skip of the team, was very proud of his rink's accomplishment. "The best part about being provincial champions is having done it while representing the University of Waterloo," said the second year student from Quispamsis, New Brunswick. In their march to the title on Sunday, the two rinks combined for a 4-0 record in elimination games. Both teams were also able to avenge their defeats from the previous day, meaning that the Warriors defeated 'each team in the bonspiel at some point on the weekend. Coach Scott Allen had nothing but praise for his two rinks and their accomplishments. ''To me it is the culmination pf a lot of hard work and long practices," hJ! said. "his great to see them peak at the right time." Allen gave both teams full credit for their victories, attributing their success to the skill, confidence and commitment of the team members. The top performers for the teams wereMerrickforthenienandCraigfor

{

the women, although strong performances from all players were required to overcome the tough field of competition. Members of both teams said that the factthat both teams were victorious made theirownwins thatmuchsweeter. ''\Ve spend a lot of time practising with the boys so we are quite close and support each other," said Bakewell "I am ecstatic for the girls and their gold medal. The fact that both teams will be going to nationals together is a very satisfying feeling," added Utz. With their OUA championships, both teams have qualified for the University Curling Championships, which take place J\Jarch 24-27 in Edmonton. The university championships are being hosted by the University of Albertaand~consistofa10teamround

robin followed by a playoff round. Although the competition they will face in Edmonton is completely unknm.vn at this point, both teams will take a great deal of confidence from their play this weekend. "Knowing thatwe can come from behind and still persevere gives us a definite edge going into the week-long national competition," Bakewell noted. Added Sherrard, "Having won the OUA Championship it's safe to saywe have a chance against anyone. It will all depend on what we bring to the ice." jrowe@imprint.uwaterloo.ca ~,

Th<: Warriors battled back into the game behind graduating post player Julie Devenny, who led the Warriors with 14 points, 6 rebou~ds and 2 steals in 37 minutes. Devenny shot an impressive 44 per cent from the field. Unfortunately for the Warriors, the late second halfrun was not enough as Mc?-.Jaster was able to pull away and hang on for the victory. In the end, it was team rebounding that sealed the Warriors fate as they were out rebounded 48-28 in the game. Warriors leading scorer Kimberly Lee, ranked 16th overalIin OUA scoring, had a below average game which saw her finish with only two points, while shooting a dismal 0-6 from the field in 17 minutes of play. With the loss to MacMaster, the Warriors women's basketball team's season comes to an end, finishing the season with a 6-17 record, including the playoffloss. The question must thus be raised as to whether or not the season was a success or disappointment. The Warriors completed the first half of the season with a disappointing 2-10 record that saw them in last place in the west division and out of a playoff birth. But the gritty team turned it around in the last three weeks ofregular season play, winning two of their last four games.

'm ",

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AUDITIONS WILL BE HELD ..â&#x20AC;˘ Sat. March 5 & Sun. March 6, 2005

Mon. March 7 & Tues. March 8, 2005

LONDON CONVENTION CENTRE

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What do you read in this section? Check aU that apply.

a Community editorials aL.etterstotheedltor Comics

Columns

How can we improve the opinion

section?

Sports Rate the sports section don't read 1 2 3 4 5

What do you read in sports? Check all that apply. a Investigative sports stories a Columns a campus Recreation a sports briefs a Game summaries How can we improve the sports section?

Web

How often do you read Imprint online? a weekly

a a a a

Monthly OCcasionally Rarely Never

How user friendly is the ImprInt website? a Idlot-proof a Easy to navigate a can usually find what I want a Absolutely horrible What would you like to see changed: