U:llversity or
Sanuars Somance
Thatraa C8I1PIIY p,allnlS StrlWllaPPIn II Jana" -11111113
III,rllI."""II.1:I
Sate Site TV in cars: aUW Inaentlon
Newspaper
110
Mar 21,2014 • Vol 27; No 2
II pra' al IIPI"" .f •• IBlnIlIIIgydeVII_1I - palll18
US army breeds killers, deserters: former soldier Janice Jim SPECIAL TO IMPRINT
Jeremy Hinzman knew that attending Ranger schoo1, the elite training facility of the United States army, would be the point of no return. He was already disturbed by the methods the army used to desensitize soldiers to killing. ''The whole thing seemed to be one long process ofdesensitizing us to killing, to the point where people, by the end, were yelling that they wanted to kill. Literally, they felt that." J eremynoticed the changes in fellow soldiers. "I sawall these guys around me getting hoarse and red in the face from yelling [slogans about killing] during our marches. I found myself yelling along with them. I realized that I was in danger of be coming that way." Jeremy Hinzman, 25, is the first US soldier to seek asylum in Canada since the Vietnam War. He fled from the U.S. inJanuary and submitted
staws. Both servicemen are being represented byJeffry House, a human rights lawyer who practises in the Toronto area. Jeremy enlisted in the US armyinJanuary2001 at the age of22, nine months before the September 11 attacks. He admitted to being "a bit of a slacker" after high school and was looking for some structure and focus in his life. Jeremy also wanted to take advantage of the $50,000 (Usn) the army provides for university after four years of service. After basic infantry training at Fort Bragg, he was posted to the 504th Parachute Infantry Regiment ofthe 82ndAirbome.Atthat point,Jeremy and his wife,Nga, were expecting a child. They also began attending local Quaker meetings. See SOLDIER, page 11
SIN cards induce headaches Durshan Ganthan IMPRINT STAFF
PAUL DESLAURIER
A young driver's mistake causes $500,000 in damage at Kinko's - more photo coverage on page 5.
Police, there's a car in Kinko's; copy that? Christine Loureiro IMPRINT STAFF
Fearstruckstudents usingcopiers atthe University ptazalatelastweekwhenacarjumped the sidewalk and crashed through the frontwindowatKinko's, causingapproximateiy$500,OOOdamagetoKinko's and next-door Farah Foods. A young man, whose name has not been
released by Waterloo Regional Police, was in a minor accident at about 8:45 a.m. on May 13inthe parking lot outside the copy store. The man panickedandlostcontrolofthecar,hitringthegaspedal.
Lesnick.Nonnally,thereare10to30stodentsinthe area on any given morning. Otherthan a few shaken customers, no injuries
Thecarthenen~Kinko'sfrontwindowand
According to Waterloo Regional Police Division 3 StaffSergeant David Mathes no charges are
partiallyenteredFaral1Foodsthroughanadjoining wall. No onewas inthe express areaatthe front ofthe store at the time, said Kinko's manager Darrell
occutted
being laid. cloureiro@imprint.uwaterloo.ca
In order to satisfy the proof-of-identityrequirements for SIN cards that were put in place last year, intemational students who work on campus were required to renew their cards by April 4, 2004. This only applied to those whose SIN cards were issued before March 30,2003, as cards issued to temporary residents since then already had expirati<;>n dates. The new expiration dates are only for those people whose SIN card starts with the number nine, and those cards are onlygiven outto people who are neither Canadian citizens, nor permanentresidents, but require a SIN card for employment purposes. The expiry dates coincide with the end date on the study pertnits and/or employmentconttacts ofthemternational students, and the newcards still retain the person's original SIN. See SIN, page 4
plge
FRIDAY,MAY21,2004
Nell ~Sllnl CIIIIIIIB Across 1. Norse odyssey 5.1iahuiUsyrnptom 9. See Dick. See Jane. See Dick's and Jane's dog 13.1iaking an essay due 1iay 25 14. The point of protest 15. Geologicalmemorial 16. Interpretor 18. In the act of death 19.Niketrademark 20. Red fluorescent dye 22. Old long since 25. Provide evidence for 28. Submarine 32. It gets shorter in the summer 33. Cambodian currency 34. Seattle-based American apparel company's first name 36.Aerobicexercise 37. Large fish hook 38. Greek meekness towards God 39.Digestive juice Always welcome on a hot surnmer's day 41. Play the stock market 42. Poet famous for the ltifemo 43. Sudbury's got the biggest one around 45. People who cause rnisery and death 47. Tree knots 48. Small pond 49. A storyteller 51. It's right before your ryes 56.1ien's TV 58. Amazingly awe-inspiring 61. Healing succulent plants
40:
62. Edible starchy root 63. Contact surface of a high five 64. For Better or For Worse artist 65. Thailangugederivative 66. Scottish island
Down 1. Time shorts 2. 1iake no bones about it 3. Forrnerproprietor ofCarnpus Pizza 4. In addition 5. Danish port 6. African wildebeest 7. Utah native people 8. Irish Free State 9.1iedieval fabric woven with gold 10. Waterloo's national role with coop education 11. Youngest inductee into Hockey Hall of Fame
12. Wylie Coyote's explosive ofchoice 15. Thelargestoccupiedoneisin Wtndsor 17. Three Alexanders and two Nicholases 21. Todayis gonna be the day that they throw it back to you 23. Openly distrustful 24. Art movement based on irrationality and negation ofthe accepted laws ofbeauty 26. Gracefully slender
44. Large searnonster, the Norwegian giant squid 46. Holy petition SO. A sailor's protein 52. Speakers 53. Unwanted discharge 54. World's leading coffee authority 55. Ouster of flowers 56. Robert1icOoskey's blueberry girl 57. Travel a regular route 59. Guitar sound pedal 60. A long time 10
ANA l GOB E ~+-~~--
27. Native tent 28. Encourage by shouts or gutteral noises 29. A B vitamin 30. To put it politely, pooping 31. Either mischievous or beautiful immortals 35.' Class idiot 38. Heartbeat 39. Phil's, Fiasco's and 1iorty's 41. Debutantes 42. Able to be assigned
--+-~~~~-+~
11
12
FRIDAY. MAY 21,2004
EWS
nWhalEs all Ihls then?EF news@imprint.uwaterloo.ca
The Kinko's cap-naue continues - paue 5
Twelve large barrels, several worn oars and Twain Students sail Tom-and-Huck-style Qownthe mighty Mississippi River
Mark Stratford IMPRINT STAFF
Universities and Colleges •.
The University of Calgary has released their Campus Security Reportforthemonth ofApril, which shows a string ofbizarre and intriguing incidents on the campus. Includedin the report: anAprilF.ool's Dayprank in which the bolts were removed from fixed seatingin one ofthe engineering rooms, leaving the chairs wobbly and unsafe; significant water damage to the vice president external's .office aftera contractoraccidentailysmashed a _ radiatorpipetwitha jackhammer; and twolIlllle students meeting at a campus washroom right outside of a quiet study area for what the campus securitymanagerreferredtoas a "pushing and shoving match."
Christine Loureiro IMPRINT STAFF
Recent math grad Daniel Parrish thought floatingdown the Mississippi River Huck Finn-style in a homemade raftwas "sbmethingthatpeople did all of the time," he writes in his Web log account of the trip. But the trip generated atten· tion from bOth U.S. and Canadian media, including the Associated Press. Parrish wrote that he, fellow grad Patrick O'Neil and student Jerrid Traboulay did little planning for their trip when they set out for their Davenport, Iowa departure point on April 25. They hoped to sail south, to St. Louis, Missouri. The raft, dubbed Only a Hobo and constructed out of barrels and wood, was designed in 10 minutes. Construction began on a boat ramp, which is where local media found the group. They were interviewed by various outlets, including 10calQllad City-Times and PBS, Parrish, 'o'Neil and Traboulay set. sail on April28,~t45milepedlOurwinds. The trio managed to make it a quaner ofa mile on. the first leg of their journey, landing on Hobo Beach. "IgOtoutaridtriedtopuildienutbacktodie beach against tbe'l.\1:00 andwaves butwas suclmi into the water; So, then I just .pulled us back. through the water to the beach and we gave up on moving anymore that day." The group encountered some strong currents, as well as wind, rain and visiting birds. The sailors pulled ashore at night, enjoying dinners of canned beans and cold ravioli, with sugary treats such as lifeSavers for energy. They entertained themselves with a harmonica, trombone and guitar.
Canada Health Minister Pierre Pettigrew is proposing an amendment to the Food and Drug Regulations which would allow up to .0.75milligramsoflevonorgestre1-alsoknown as the "moming-afterpi1l;" the emergency contraceptive which must be taken within 72 hours of unprotected sex or a contraceptive accident-to be distributed ove:rthe counter. timdy access to the drug, as it is not always . possible to reach a doctor's office or clinic for a prescription and getit filled inside 72 hours.
Three students get ready for the adv~nture of a cotton-pickin' lifetime. On May 6, the former students realized sailing to St. Louis in two weeks would be impossible. Unable to extend the journey because of family commitments, they decided to end the trip in Oquawka, Illinois.. The journey that started with little planning lasted nine days. In his Web log account, Parrish tells of encounters with a "string of incredibly
helpful people," news ctews,riverfolk, the search for Internet access in small towns and a period of questioning by the United States Army Corps. . Come May 7 ,Parrish, O'Neil and Traboulay set out for the final leg oftheir journey -the 12hour drive back to Waterloo.
•
cloureiro@imprint.uwaterloo.ca
f
Ranks for the memories New student-run Web site reaches out to form a UW co-op community Mark Stratford IMPRINT STAFF
· Nobodyknowshowharditist~getaco-opjob more than the co-op crowd itself. Enter cooprankings.com, a student-run Web site that hopes to create a community of co-op students helping each other land dream jobs through the sharing ofinformation and personal experience. ''What we want to do is cteate an online community," said Tommy Rakic, one of the students who helped establish the site. "We want people to take from the site but give back to it too." Coop Rankings began with a conversation between some electrical engineering stUdents. "A bunch of us had been reflecting on some of the co-op experiences we've had, the good ones and the bad ones," saidRakic. "We talked about how there's a really big push by other schools right now to get their students into co-op. The work experience is reallyiIpportantand we need to differentiate our school fro~ the others." Rakic explained how hard it is to find the · necessary information elsewhere. 'We felt like we had nQwhere to gather the information
about the companies we wanted to work for. It's over the years but the one thing that stays the at Career Services, but you have to look through same is that they seem to be concerned with the same bundle ofpapers as everybody else. It's throwing jobs. at you without giving you the very time-consuming, so we thought, 'Why not information. We think it's important forpeople create a site where we can share it among ourto really know what they're getting themselves selves?'" into b~yond a simple job description." In the development stages, Rakic arid comRakic added that Coop Rankings is a site best panyrealized that their experiences were reflective applied ~en used in conjunction with CECS' of a larger UW population. 'We realized that newest online venture, jobmine.uwaterloo.ca. people in other faculties had encountered a need "I'm not knocking CECS or anything. J think for the same type of information, What we what they do is great and y~u need the help they basicallywantto do is make a site where everyone give you, but wouldn't you like a more detailed can get the data to make informed decisions description ofthe job and the interview process about their co-op." . other than where it is?" And Coop .Rankings was born. Developed The site also goes the extra mile towards ·by UW students Rakic,Jonathan Westhues and prepping students for interviews by allowing KeVin Q\lan, the site launched last Monday and students to post interview notes, which brief has already received enough hits to suggest that, students on what to expect when applying at a with a little bit more word of mouth, it might particular company. A poster is allowed to rate' accomplish its goal of students contributing to the interviewer in the categories of technical, each other's ultimate success. character and overall difficulty and leave comSinceitis operat<td by students and maintains . ments about what it was lik~ sitting in the hot an environment of cbntribution andcommunal seat. Rakic estimates that about 100 posts and education, Rakic feels that the site provides decounting have been made so far. tails to job-hunting students that CECS' Web site does not. "Co-op has been 4estructuring See CO-OP, page 5
Aboriginals in British Columbia are upsetwith theprovincia1Liberalgovemment for their hesitance in fulfilling promises of Native-runchildwelfareandadoptionse(Vices. Native citizens are ready to take jurisdictional control ofthe child welfiireandadoption needs of their children, but conflicts over government funding and the proposed employmentofAboriginal staffmembers could postpone the transfer as much as two years.
International •
A bomb was set off at a bakery that had been moonlighting as abrothelin the counttyofTurkeylastTuesday; luckily, no one was injured. The explosive is suspected byTurkish police to be connected to the bakery's double life as a house of prostitution, since religious dogmain theMuslimnationofTurkey has led to past demonstrations. In Turkey, prostitution is legal only in state-controlled brothels, despite the illicit skin trade perpetrated by foreign nationals from Soviet states.
•
The Britishgoyemmentwas accused of insensitivity and bad taste on Tuesdayafter announcing'~forAtts," anew online arts projectmadeforpeoplewithmentalhea1th issues. "The naming ofthis project is shockingly insensitive," said Don Foster of the opposingLiberalDemoctatparty, who added that the controverSial name could prevent the projectfromreachingits audience. Thegovem~ mentaims to launch "MadforAtts" -where the mentally challenged can learn about art, music and architecture - on October 10 to coincide with World Mental Health Day. mstratford@imprint.uwaterloo.ca
Im
FRIDAY,MAY21,2004
SIN: you're living in it Continued from cover International students were informed ofthe change in a bevy ofways over a span of numerous months: "The International Student Office (ISO) maintairis contact \vith the international students who are subscribed in our office list-server," explained!\.fariaIbarra, ISO advisor. ''Via this communication system, students are informed of the upcoming changes, events and information. "Furthermore, the Human Resources department at the University of Waterloo sent letters of notice of this change to all on-campus international student employees." Ofcourse, sometimes official UW letters get lost or ignored, as was the case for Nikolai Penner, a Germanic and Slavic studies 'masters student: "I got a from . letter Darlene Ryan (ISO advisor) saying something
valid until August 30, 2004. Although he will apply for the renewal again during summer, he fears thatifhe gets the renewal after September, then he maynotbeabletobeaTA/RAduring the fall term. When contacted about this possible predicament, Sandra Hurlburt, assistant director ofhuman resources; said the university already has plans to dealwith potential problems that arise. "Technically, we have the right not to pay them," explained Hurlburt of those whose SIN c~dshaveexpired. "Because of the timing, though, we decided riot to penalize students for that [for the current term]." She stated that HR will get on students' cases to get a valid SIN card if they don't have one already and that it takes six-eight weeks t:p receive a newcaId. Talking specifically about Abdul-
"I al1\ pretty happy with the service I got. It didn't cost me anything but some time."
Rahim's potential situation, she stated that as this is still a new situation for theuniversity,they
about SIN card are still preparing· renewal, bu t '-Nikolai Penner reports on the matdidn't pay much internationl!l '" ter; howevet,She attention and masters st~dent statedthatstud¢hts ~ . erased it," he ex. . .it}whOhll.ye~lied ·plained. ''Then I for a renewal and kept getting messages from the ISA have not yet received it~still be (International Student Association), allowed to work for the university. but I didn't read them .either. '.. "We would have the right~ recall
~, /<}At.t.tQ;9'dll!f_~~lluii.' to the deadline, I got a note from the
govemmenteJtPlainingevetythingin it. It was very simple and cleat~" Penner explained thattheprocess to renew his card was simple, as all he had to do was visit the HRDC Centre in Kitchener, take 20-30minutes to fill out some paperwork and he was done. "Actually, I am pretty happy with the. service I got. It didn't cost me anything but some time." AlthoughPenner'sexperiencewas simple, not all shared his outlook. ''Wouldn'titbepossiblefortheCCRA to renew on ~tleast an annual basis?" asked Ahmad Abdul-Rahim, a systems design engineering PhD student. "Ifthey keeP asking me to renew my SIN everytime I have to renew my student permit (which takes morethan three months in spring) or geta TA/ RA offer after a lapse ora term or so, then I think they are asking for too much." Abdul-Rahimstatedthatalthough he applied for a renewal until December 2004 (his expected date ofgtaduation),HRDConlygavehitnarenewal
LSAT MeAT GMATGRE Preparation Seminars • CoInpIeee ~ SeIIIfaan • ~ T....T...... StnI«qfes • ...... r I Idllltlll_IUCI.I • eo.Pllhastve ............. • ......,... Pncdce EUIIII$
'a.r
. . . . . . . . . PoIky
II ........ TutodDa AvaIh6Ie-
-11Iausads ", ....... S&acIeats
Oxford Semlnan 1-800-269-6719 416-924-3240
www.oxfol.dseminars.com
. .· · c
.. 'm/
.
. beginning ofthe term] ifth
foi arenewal;lndaredeclined,~' Hutlburt . explained. Students whoapp'ly for a renewal and receive it after the temJ starts Wm not be penalized in anyway, although she stressed that Students should apply for a renewal as soon as possible. In order to renew their SIN card, international students must go to the HRDC office and show their study 'permit and employment contract. "Many students didn't know, and may still not know, that they need a contract from the employer stating that the student will be working for so on hours in the week and on so on days," explained Ibarra. "Most importantly, the signatures of both the employer and employee should be shown on the contract." 1ntemational students who have yet to renew their SIN can go to the following site for more information: www.international.uwaterloo.ca/ iso/faq_living.htm#SIN. dganthan@imprint.uwaterloo.ca
Talking Hands Club memlperJanetI.ptt, OW graduate Pamela Lennon, deaf culture student Doreen Siu and hearing impaired professor Daniel M. Berry have no problem communicating.
.Hearing is believing ,
..
Symposium held at UW to raise awareness of deafness is'sues Shaun Slipetz SPECIAL TO IMPRINT The Talking Hands Club, Federation ofStuderits and Offices for Persons with Disabilities (OPD) have teamed up with the regional community, as May is Hearing Awareness Month across Canada.
'ThepiPna¢leof~eam: paign wan day-longSymposium entitled "Deafness: Challenges and Choices," held in the Arts LeCture Hall on Monday, May to, Several distin~ guished members of the deaf community discussed varying topics. The event featured real-time captioning and several signtnginterpreters. OPD Director Rose Padacz said that she "felt that the symposium was animmense success." She added that "the event drewnotonlypeople working and living in the deaf community, but also students and faculty from all over campus. ''The symposium would not have been possible were it not forthe determination of the Talking Hands Club founders, Doreen Siu and Ceit McEwen," Padacz further expressed. Siu,a fourth-year undergraduate in Independent Studies, is a member of th~ deafcommunity. She has "literally taught hundreds of people on campus how to Sign through her free onCampus ASLclasses" and was recently presented with a 2004 Distinguished TeachingbyaStudentAward.Padacz
describes Siu as "a champion of our department."
,.
'War is old~fashioned,
. as is opposition tococblear Implants. " -8ev 8iderman author and public speaker
which deaf people shun the traditional deaf community and signing, preferring to use residual hearing, speech and lip-reading. He also spoke ofthe Ontario Disabilities Act and the problems associated with it as ithas to do with the deaf community. . Author Bev Biderman rounded out the daywith her personal nartative of the ptoce§s of ~q : . throoghcOChfearimp&nt She proclaimed, "I'm deafandI hear" and that "war is old-fashioned, as is opposition to cochlear implants." With an enlightened smile, she describes the first she heard her .husband talking. "I heard him speak . in whispering and scratching and thought that I had married a man with a severe speech impediment." Also among the month's events was the Deaffor a Day challenge.Joel Henderson, a fourth-year statistics student, dawned earplugs for a nor~ mal dayin his life, from attending class in MC to calling the phone company with a complaint. He discovered "a general ignorance and lack ofsensitivityto persons with hearing loss, not to mention the poor learning environmenttheycreate." From the success achieved through the fifst annual Detifness symposium, the Talking Hands Club anticipates that it will definitely become a yearly tradition. The club' can be contacted at talkinghandsclub@yahoo.ca.
time
McEwen, another Independent Studies student in her third year, acted as moderator throughout the symposium. ''1 was initially exposed to Sign in public school In my first year at UW, I asked my office mate, Doreen Siu, to tea<f me to Sign," she explained. A fluent signer, McEwen illustrate!! an understandingofthedeafcommunity unlike most hearing people. The sym~sium began with a lecttu:e by Mark· Cossey, a teacher of American Sign Language and deaf culture at Conestoga College. He described the difficulties facing people with hearing loss, an increasinglyimportant issue in our aging society. NexttospeakwasGary Malkowsk4 a director within the Canadian Hearing Society arid a former MPP, who dealt with two divisive matters. He outlined th~ practice of audism in
5
FRIDAY.MAY21.2004
Car crash cripples copiers
Co-op: job seekers join together Continued from page 3 Rakic also mentioned the importance of telling other students about good experiences found through coop jobs for the purposes of job recycling. "A lot of jobs are recycled between your peers. Someone could get the job I had previously and then I ~ould give them all rhe information." Coop Rankings is off to a great start, although it is not yet fully formed. There are other features Rakic and friends still have to add, including the site's titular feature ofrankingpotenrial jobs. "This way, all students have a better chance oflanding their dream co-op job, rather than the secretive system currently employed by CECS favouring employers. "Ofcourse, this requires site users to share their information just as they take facts away.
Coop Rankings will also try to keep track of important news announcements for co-op students, including upcoming seminars and information sessions with potential employers. Rakic hopes that those who visit Coop Rankings will decide to share their co-op experiences for the improvement oftheir own, and possibly bring their friends on board to get as many students' input as possible. As an added incentive, Coop Rankings will be offering ballots to active users to be used in daily draws for free large pizzas from their official sponsor, Campus Pizza. After all, the way to any fob-hunting student's real peace of mind is through his stomach. Log .on to Coop Rankings at www.cooprankings.com. . mstratford@imprint.uwaterloo.ca
Didn't you know about Kinko's new drive-thru feature?
Learning through history Dr. Gerald Caplan discusses the anniversary of Rwandan genocide Warren Clarke
theinte.rnational community, particuposed sanctuary, then surrounded and larlythe United Nations and theFrench murdered in large numbers. He also and American governments. recounted his chilling visits to these In a speech to members of the local "sites," many which remain full of Throughouthis speech, he repeatedly community on Tuesday, Dr. Gerald . emphasized that this "genocide was skeletons to this day. completely, easily preventable." Caplan discussed the RwandangenoCaplan's harshest criticism was dicide, its victims, survivors, perpetrators and the role of the international .tectedattheCatholicchurch. who he ... Ulf the cWms \\'U "up to its neck in Huw. community. extremism, and worked hand in glove Caplan, a former professor and with {them]." Rwanda is the most authorofRm:znda: The PreventableGenoyou have the Christianized country in Africa, and t:ide, has been actively involved in confidence that the Catholic church has never conspreading kn?wledge of the atrocities demned the genocide. According to committed in 1994, when between next time it would Caplan, "far more priests and nuns 500,000 and one million Tutsis were be any different?" happened to work with the killers." systematicallyslaughteredduringa 100 - Dr. Gerald Caplan, . He also expressed distaste for the day period. The speech, given at The former professor and actions of the French and American Cedars Church on Beechwood Drive, author gOvernments of the time. Caplan said comes as part of the Remembering the French government worked for Rwanda project, which was started by three years with the RwandangovemCaplarl to use the ten-yearariniversary mentwhileit organized the genocide, .ofthe genocide to raise awareness. The In his reference to the victims and and then allowed the perpetrators of event was sponsored by the Region of survivors of the genocide, Caplan the genocide to escape through safe called it an insult that there are not Waterloo Holocaust Education Comhavens still armed, leading much of mittee. enough resources to find out exactly the African continent into war. During the lectur\!, Dr. Caplan rehow many people were killed. He furIn his closing statement, Caplan ther stated that many of the survivors layed personal knowledge ofthe atrocities, telling the audience of a friend are women who were raped repeatedly ., included an ominous warning, statinghis fears that this can happen again, whose entire family was murdered and then maimed in order to extend and emphasizing the need torememduring the slaughter. Describing the . their suffering. Large numbers of ber and learn from the past. "There them now have AIDS, stated Caplan, acts as a "highly organized conspiracy, has been no remembering," Caplan carried out by local mayors, schooland "because of the trivial amount of concluded. "Ifyou repress thememory, masters and priests," Caplan described money given to Africa, they live in how can you have the confidence that the way in which Tutsis were lured squalor and intolerable conditions." next time it would be any different?" into churches and schools for supCaplan levied harsh criticisms at SPECIAL TO IMPRINT
bY:HIGHLAND
PORTRAIT STUDIO
DmIlO.oo$49.99
EVERGREEN PLAZA, 370 Highland Rd. - KITCHENER - 744-5553 at Westmount,next to Food Basics I Info@hlghJandlmagecentre.com
yO" rePte,s memory, how can
UW scientists to get their hands wet in Iraq Nick Fergusi SPECIAL TO IMPRINT
UW will have a key role in helping Canada restore an important and environmentally sensitive region in SouthemIraq. Theannouncementwas made last week by Andrew Telegdi, Member ofParliament for Kitchener~laterloo.
The marshes in Iraq, including the Mesopotamian marshes where the Tigris and Euphrates rivers meet, have
long been regarded as the largest in the 1-fiddle East and are important to biodiversity. However, during the . 1990s, numerous dam projects in Iraq arid neighbouring countries red!lced these areas to seven per cent of their original size. The population has also decreased from 500,000 to 50,OOOwith the Ma'danpeoples ofIraq attempting to re-flood the areas. \ UW's Wetlands Research Centre, the only university-based research centre in Canada devoted to wetlands,
will contribute scientific expertise in the restoration efforts and help create and facilitate wetland science in Iraqi institutions, including a National Wetland Program and Strategy that coordinates with existing programs in the Middle East and the rest of the world. It is hoped that, with the help of U\'V, Canada and everyv.rhere else, the . Ma'dan peoples ofIraq will be able to return home and re-establish their traditional lifestyle and culture.
Imlrlnt Is 10Bldn. for an edRorlal asslstanllo _ric WIllI the ednor·ln~blef In all stales of lreductlan of Imlrlnt's frasb Issue Includlnl Ilannlnl, _rdinalllll, edl1lnl, desllnlnl and layout. EQerlence usllII Adobe Palemaker and Adobe Phatashal Ireferred. Lolkinl far someone creatl,e and detail orlenled with strOng cammunlcatlon skills. SImIles of worlc shauld accomlany resume. Candidates must: • be between the ales of 15 and 31 • hne been registered as a full-time studenlln the Ire,laus academic year and Intend II return 10 school on a full-lime basis In the nlll academic year The losltian will stan June 28, 2804 far 11 weeks
$10/hour 30 hours/Week Resumes shOuld be sent 10 rm 1116 SLC or II edRar@llIIflnt.uwater.ao.ca no later than Ju. 7, 2.,. al5 I.m.
,
,
S* Qlu'f'eJ~~ ~_ ~y job .~.
. ~~inJl'OUfpetfeetat.Heftit!stime .
}.t:uqund ~·wDat·~it"s.JOltt., ~day."NQWJOU'vegotJtO,OOOin
'yoor~~th~~you'
Jaadedon_~·N#::e.·
...,..,..-----~--...
wOman'titbeniCeif'Meptayedoitt mre_da.ssie4''i7~ofthe~ .~Even~Theideaof having ~.~ out fOr
You·re<ltivingdown.peroad.;You've
YOlumdiilsuUctiorisoowbaftodoat
justgottmpaidsoJOlttpocketsatefull
~.stopand cmve along the :way
ofcasb. You'vegotaptcaftlet.Your
seemsiikealultw.ywlienyou.im!faciag.
midlifeaisisl$:waydowntheroadmd life is ~ good.-HeD,·)!OU just
-nyoneof1ife'$m..1leoges.Notbav-· . "'-"____ " _ _ _ _ __
ingd·the~Oft:ryiagtndlOde.
·.tr~~~~::; .::r~~;,=
.
stldrWithaoappyjob,itwouIdn'tbe
,sa~:':~~' '~':::?.:-~~ the~No~kidS~~
/intoyOur~«~wa.
'.
..
'c'
"'tJ'create ~ sense' of ur':
p.~'·\·'n~~. •i.:..
_
<,,~:
BNi&ttaif~~ M,:people. teO~ ~., Medi~'Pi1::tY~uststPpfot,tbe Sake ofMannY the sfunttnafi
.
d
I
•
~inlprini:uwai.Joci:c. ' , ) %+t; ¢' <a
theneW~ fi;mr~hotOnglt
:,f~
~~:c.:
Sha:tJ:~~~.
or tlad arotmd. .
::n~1Jll~~~~,~t
~o£ttee~withouttr,\Otn
.
.EsQ~cialli-."t·· \1fiiverslq...
. Dotheyreallytbinkthatcommer- . downloadirlgiSapaitoflife.~
tQ~~.~~;
·'~~tl?i~~;
. ) ~;' ...i.'
¥ •.~
__
""~
~~
J1ng!15~,
~
o . ~e.atea
~'oi1L .~
.. ~ .•
,~Cit~
soona~Urist;.~luDicc:.· · tot
. .;~,a ~ ~will
_weujrebad~1efor
~ ~.WrJblmy.io;:
~~=~1rl~~~
·~iniesidenCe)tPeOPle_~ · movies:-andit"s
than . thefn,
............
~~t.I!:a~~
~P.diiDr. ~ Poi Covet ~ Derek Hans
~ ~ ~ncdJ.u:
'tatby.t'Q,,@1iJpiiln.~Ca
~ &; ~~.
;:::~~~'turdm ~;~'l"ui~ Features. ~ Arda Ocal .
uv.::~QI '~'Wtmt;,~, . ~ ~rioo.~ Fox v •
Am'Etlliot,' ~'B~' ~ diandu'Mouli ~~ .•.• n.............. .. : _.' ,L#~"'~" Spotts:Editor. St:ienCe.' ...•..••
"-t
~:~.. ~
~V9":a~'E' ~" Chmg' ~tDaaiel!Co
. P1oo~'Matgie ~ ;<'S
'
~,
V~ . "" >~.~' ' , ~ _
'''
....
.....
~·StIaff
~ W~••~
M!JlerjLilly .l'~
Rac:hel Shugart. JO$bua Chong. Daniel. KP.
Kdstina.~ Pa!l.Micttk
',
. It1Jjidst is th.e Official srndepi .ne.-spaper.
~ .~.. ~. ~r~~~ d~t-. ___ ..a...- ~ _4 _v __-..
tbe,U~ofW~Itis.lIft~
.' any indepetident newspapet"pibli!lbed 'By
rIiIt.;.
~,
~~~\ .. W~.J-2
~.30 p.m.. su,; Ut6 ;' . ~:.~ W~·~ ~ ";Wh,()f ~ iftf:!at material.deemed Co ~ ~sIilire~IlIIjJWntis'a·~ ·'be~. Mjl1.~. with lBt- , bet:oftheQntario~~JIti!!(. potiQes with mipectto oUr cOde Or . Nextbo-J~. A$sociation ( O C N A ) . · ~ Jot.'i§rif;'. . . . . 'Ihe firSt;.: '~:J-¥t1 .. . penoq ~ &010 o$:e .t() bilk 4:OO~~I£.1~16 . J. • ~. Editorial ~~ may ,be.~ •. wit:h the .'
:r.~ttiIIr~be~~thediscre-
+_
vacanr
GtaphbEditor. Web~.Matt Lee
..
.'
.•
-
. fotpublk:mon:in, lIfty editioiI of ~
1IifIritJ. tnaY .00 reproduce the ntatet'ial
~ in:~·formatot·DledIum'liS
.=:~~~:!;~
~ i$··id~:~:Friday '00rmg
,fait_ wintet~.aDd ~ ~ . ·F~1 during the' sp:tmgtetDl. I• • teSeI.'.V$ the_to'~~_~
Imprint opinion
FRIDAY.MAY21.20Q4
Canada at a crossroads: election 2004 tnigtatitsfromEastemCanadit; people who live TlJ:e Paul Martin liberals ate a cent:r:iSt ''big -'the poor. While the Tories often trytQ get elected in ghettos and" who are not integrated' into' tent" party,encompassfugsoclaJ.andfiscit.llibCraIs _ bypromisirigto uclean up" finances, tend to break as well as social and -fiscal conservatives. It is a : promises and can't hruldle the economy; Brian WesternC~ society." Very infonnative Mulroney, for one, s~ntus into a $42 billion ana1,ysis~ welcoming, open-minded party full of exciting deficit! .. Now,Harperhas decided thatattainingpower debate and innovative policy. Inthe past several Notice how although we're heading for an is more important i:han holding to his principles. years, our liberal gbvernment has 'Cut taxes by election, the Liberals haven't engaged in wild A fonner president of the National-Citizens more than $100 billion and paid down over $52 billion ofour hugenationaidebt.They'veratifi~' spendiniorgies to tty to Jteep power? That's the Coalition (an organization formed to fight unithe Kyoto Accord, cracked down on gun crime, . COnservativewayandletmetellyou,theseparticu- ., versal health care), he's playing the game of delivered, eight conlarorgiesa,re!iotthetype pretending to be a centrist: one that supports Canada is a.healthy, vibrantclemocracyandI can't secutive balanced public 1I}edicare, wants more fundingfoi so~ understand the cynics who chum that-we have a that get lIl.e horny! : one-party system in Canadian politics. I'm refer- . ' budgets and continue So!theNDPsupports programs and cities, tries to remain silent on Canada is. healthy, vi:' hightaxesandhighspend-, moral issues and has decided that he's not so nng to whiners (tp.osdy'iories) who, because the to be the most popumg. The Conservatives, committed to tax cuts after all. liberals'are doing so well that they've won three lar political' party in bra,nt democracy,~nd I straight elections, ar,e crymg that our democracy is Canada: championdeficitcreatois, The record shows what the !:We stance ofthe can't understand the cyn- -support low taxes and, Alliance Conservatives is. OneoftheirMPs said unhealthy. -, Last;anddefinitely high spending. The Llbthat inUnigration is upolluting our European The factis, we had a healthy, five~partYsystem least, we have the 芦reics wbo claim that we , erals and the Bloc advoChristian~eritage." Another said that old-age until the Progressive,Conset:'"ativeParly, after, gressive Conservaj have a one-party system in cate reasonable levels of! securityis simply'~elfaie for!heaged.~' Afe>rmet being taken over bya flood of20,OOO Reformers, rive" Party. They was bullied into voting itself out'of existence. In undoubtedly_ on the both, but the Blocheads Alliance candidate called foreign students an, 'Canadian poU~ics., areseparatists.WhichapuAsian invasion." Such intolerant and crude spite of that major setback, we still have a fairly far right of the politihealthy~our-partypoliticalsystem. cal spectrum, and proach makes the most people don't deserve the public ttust. sense to you? The socialistNDP is anhonqurable, passion路 bringcynicisintoanew -So whom do I recommend? With the sponWeare at a crpssroads. The Tories mustnotbe " sorship scandal, the broken GST promise and ate group that believes in environmental protec- _ leVel: When, for example, our federal Liberal tion,fairandprogressivetaxation,andaprogresgovernment paid down debt, 'the Tories- criti- ' allowed to regain power! Their lastgovernnient路路 such, ~ ~cknowledgethat the Liberal 1;?arty is fat added $350 billion of debt- (out of a total $505 trom perfect. But .$100 filillion to federalist ad sive social policy. They are committed to balanced cizedthem for notputtingthe money towardtax billion) in only nine years, brought unemplciycuts. When the Liberals made good on their firms is nothing compared to the Conservative budgets, but not to debt reduction. They have never won a federal election and only hold a few ment to staggering levels, and virtu.ally sold our , creation of$350 billion in additionaldeb~notto election pledge of$l 00 billion oftax euts,you'd seats in urban areas. They have the distinction of think the Tories would pe happy, but no, they , nation to the Un,itedS,tates. W.ewill bepayingthe Q1ention ~e nearly $26 billi()n in interest that price forToryidi6cy(p;raecades to come. beingCa'nada's "socialconscl!!nce." _ -attacked the Liberals fornotinstcid jacking ' debtisoostingCanadian taipayerseveryyear. The Otithecentte-left,wehavetheBlocQuebecois.' governmentspendingin'~cruCial"ateaslikebuyIn addition. the uhew" Tory leade;r, Stephen numbers with regard to Cons~ative misman,While they have admirable social policy and supingthe military some WMDs or violating Nafta Harper,isanexttqneright-wingerandpossiblya agementare staggeringand I implore you, please port modest tax cuts-for low and middle-income ,by ~ving handouts to farmers. Like; get a life! study the parties carefully. I'm sure you'll agree closet western separatist. He insults our great nation, callingita usecond-tier socialist country." , the Liberals are the best choice for Canada: ~ers, they unfortunately peddle an irrational r , 'Ill past elections, the Reform Alliance (predplan to rip Quebec out ofCanada. Since they only ecessorto the Conservatives) supported archak Hisrantsincludeb1amingLiberal~sjn Western mjohnson@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Canada on "recent Asian immigrants'or recent ,run in Quebec, voting for them is not an option. socialpolicy; tax qlts for the rich andtaxhikes for
Mark,Jolmson EIlREME -CEI'RE
a
ate
up,
Capitalism run amok Erick Mattbiesen COMMUNITY EDITORIAL
What do Jamie Olis, Andrew Fastow, Jeff Skilling, Scott Sullivan, Martha Stewart and now Frank Quatttone have in common? They were allwell paid executive,!> ofinternational coml?anies who'participated in enormous white~collar crimes where they reaped benefits .o(millions of dollars at the expense of their investors; Capitalism is denoted as an (;!conomic system thatprioritizes capital and proJitpver labour. Through non-coqventional means,' . aren't these executives just prioritizing capital by using the contacts and opportunities that' have been made. available to them? Sh~uldn't . the population recognize th,at there is corrup~ tion in the world and ,that an investment is never' guaranteed? So, when the media sIan,: del'S these executive-s for using their guile and resourcefulness to earn more money at the expense of the "innocent" inve(ltors shouldn't they also be, chastising the-public for beiJ;lg stupid and naive? This is impossible. How do you tell millions of people that they should have chosen stable investments and to shut up, while still maintaining a ~trong ~eader . base? Besides, it'snot possible for everyone to be wrong. " The real beauties' are the executives like Frank Stronach, Sir Conrad Black and all those on the rec~iving end of the Libel'al Public' Works scandal They scam millions Of tax dollars and investors profits, smiled and said "so, what's the problem?" With no legal errors, but an obvlous ethics problem there is fl<)thing tl1at can prevent recurring eyentsof
the same nature. Isn't the golden rule of capitalism"do :what you 'can to get wh~tyou want?" That's'the iriipression we're .given in the papers every other day. But you don't have to get'a free copy ,of NationalPostgj.venout all overcampus to find this behaviour. Just look around you when midterms' and assigoIllents corne' due. How maay peoplecopyassigntnents and bring in cheat sheets to exams? If you are in co-op, tty 'asking someone you don't know, who gets lots ofinterviews, ifyou can lo.ok at. theitresume for a model. Or,ask that same peisbn if you can borrow $20, fuTI~well knowing you'll be in the " same class for at least the next four months. Justa-few weeks ago a fire alarm blew . during one of my eXa1p.s.1t was a natural reflex for th(;!~pportutiists in my class (about half) to peruse through textbooks and tty to scrounge for answers anq forinalas from - friends as quick as possible. The oth<:r half of the class chit~chatted about the weather and waited for the inevitable re-wri~e announce~ ment. When the, exam resumed aftet 30 min':' utes the cheaters, biew a sigh of relief and everyone else grum,bled about Insaruty. One - guy refused to write the rest of the ,exam for ethical reaSons and later reprimanded the cheat~rs in the class. _ I-understand that family: and numerous . amo~nts ofpersQnal experiences define a p~rson apd sQope incident at school won't change anyone's o\ldookon life, but isn't it " 'the responsIbility of the school to use or even setup incidents like, this to fllter out the future Martha Stewarts and ScottS~v~s of the world? If the CEO of McDonald's -who: ranhiscompany\erywellcan be replaced in 24 hQut;s, then whq car,es if we lose one or two smart,selfish~ds with no work experience onfe in a while to maintain the integrity of our way oflife?,
_pat ionow open.
FRIDAY,MAY21,2004
Summertime crap bombings and the D.C. closure
Two weeks ago I arrived on campus all eager and rosy cheeked, ready to absorb knowledge at this fine institution. Then someone uttered the following, "Yo He1;ambone, D.C. Library is closed for the term ... but on a brighter note, that wife beater you are wearing truly accentuates your pectoral development." . My mood shifted to one ofshock and ciisbelief. The rosiness of my cheeks transformed to a dullish gray. The normal, pleasant smell of shit in the air gave way .to a more sinister, shittier smell. The one location on
campus that I most enjoyed was so viciously shut down for "renovations". Okay, before I dig deep into thls column about D.C Library, I gotta tell you guys this hilarious story. So my roommate Polish G gets out of . his car at parking lot M. . Out of nowhere this big, fucking goose jumps on his head and starts crapping Wildly. The goose had like massive diarrliea. Finally the goose jumped off and ran away and flipped Polish G the fInger. Okay, backtoD.C. Library. D.C. Library was like a second home to me - a second home with free rent and utilities. The one feature I miss most about D.C Library "The D.C. Walk-Around". You guys know what I'm talking .about, Just before settling down for hours of rigorous study, you do one giant walk around the main floor of
D.C. You start in the right and walk counterclockwise inside the library, checkin' out the cubicles and the tables. You're looking for anyone to talk to. Anyone! If you pass someone you know and do not talk to him or her, that is taboo my friend. They will indeed notice and craft a voodoo doll of your ass and poke it with sewing needles. Common D.C. Libraryprotocol is to make inane conversation with an acquaintance for three minutes and move on. If they have dragon breath, 20 seconds .. If you don't know anyone, then it's just a good old-fashioned hottie hunt. You walk around and look for hotties to sit next to. If the first floor is bare, you move on to the basement. However, there is no sun ill the basement so you're gonna see a whole lot of pale mofos.
Dana Porter is not conducive to this walk because it's 10 goddamn floors. Although, you could attempt the "Elevator Ride". That's another topic. Forget Bomber, forget Philthy's, the "D.C. walk-around" is the social event of the term. It's the only club where bouncers check you for shit when you leave. Anyway, after doing four years of the "D.C walk around" I have noticed certain characteristics about the library's inhabitants: it's an ethnic jamboree. You got your ethnic cliques left, right and centre. The "Brown MafIa''. occupies all tables. They are always in groups. . And generally, they are the same people who invade the south-western corner ofRev's dance floor every Friday night. Within the "Brown MafIa", you got yoUr Northlndians, South Indi-
ans, Pakistanis and Iranians all fIght-
ing for turf, namely the tables in the back with the windows. The Korean delegation takes up a large number of indiVidual booths on the left side. They generally take smoke breaks together on the hour, every hour and congest the outdoor entrances. The special area in D.C. reserved for extra quiet study shall hereby be renamed "Asian Avenue". .Since my word count is runnin' high, here are the rest: the KGB contingent, the Eastern BlocBad-Asses, the Islanders, the Latino playas, and last but not least the Bead Wearing High-pitched White boys. To conclude, D.C. Library is like a super model, a pleasure to be inside but the maintenance costs are too damn high. hramachandran@imprint.uwaterloo.ca
Wet and. wild, or risky and painful? The question of underwater sex
lllCIEI The ice has melted, water has begun to flow and temperatures continue to rise, bringing many opportunities to' cool off and have some fun in the
summertime. With lakes, pools, oceans and hot tubs at the centre of many seasonal events, they can also serve as a location for erotic adventures. But, this brings up the popular question concerning intercourse in water - is it actually bad for you? While I could not locate any defInite information against this submersed location, it is clearly due to a lack of investigation. Sue JohanSon, Sunday Night Sex Show advises against water 'sex and points out that
guru;
"some researchers believe that this may cause pelvic inflammatory disease [and] others think it might cause endometriosis." (www.wnetwork.com) These chronic conditions can be excruciating and can cause infertility. While the cau.se of endometriosis is unknown and there are no treatments or cure, pelvic inflammatory disease is a bacterial infection that can be treated with antibiotics. There are also concerns about pressure that can be created from the penis thrusting under
water and the affects on the uterus. But no tests have been performed to solidify these suspicions. A more overt complication brought with underwater sex concerns fetruile' lubrication. Ironically when submersed in water naturallubricants are eliminated resulting in a hole as dry as a milkless bowl ofcornflakes. This makes penetration difflcult and that of a condom clad member nearly impossible. Instead ofexperiencing a slippery sensation as an-
IU RIEl He dispenses justice in the form of Spanish steel on the streets of Old EI Paso.
Anyone who threatens under his protection must answer to the sword of...
EI BanditoU
s.:-:..:....::..::..:..:...::..:-~....=.:.-.::;.:..:.:..---I-----------f------7r-----I
you're going to threaten me the plastic sword from girfie-drink, you should get rid of the cherry first. /
En garde, villain!
"'*
ticipated;itis a painful event. There are non-water based lubricants available to use in such situations; however, such products are not condom friend.l:} and can cause infections as well. So, although there is no concretf evidence negating submerged inter路 course as harmful, there are enougl possible risks that remove the lustre from this rippling option. Chances 0: . bacterial infections rise in chemicall] treated water especla1lywben Ilea_ and of course natural bodies of wate: are rampant with bacteria. That'mean: pools, hot tubs, lakes and oceans'Coul< be trouble. A clean bathtub is a safe option but the possible nsks men tioned above still remain. When attempting to add spice t( intercourse, risks can bea factor. In th case of underwater sex, risks do eXis but their severity and probability ar unknown. It is a matter of personall . assessing the possible problems on instance can create. I tend to agreewit: Sue johanson's advice to get kinky i the shower (myheartgoes outtoheigl diverse couples). Or,startthesessioni the water with foreplay (some fetishi2 the holding of one's breath as long ~ possible to pleasure their partner) an then get out when it's time to getit 01 Afterall, ''halfthe funis getting there For more information on Pelv Inflammatory Disease or endometri< sis check out the Shopper's DrugMa Web site; www.shoppersdrugmarl.ca mtitus@imprint.uwaterloo.<
I want
If you can draw better than this, put toQethec a comic and send it on OWl' to opinion@imprintuwaterioo,ca
Imprint opinion
FRIDAY. MAY2i;2004
God save the queen Neal Moogk-Soulis THII II YOUR WORLD Victoria Day - May 2-4 is what your roommate might call it - offers the perfect opportunity to lay out a brief case for the Canadian constitutional monarchy. The crux of the argument centres on this question: do we want to be able to look and thinklong-termin terms of decades or only as far as the next election? Recent weeks have shown that both north and south of the border, our elected representatives spend more time thinking about the next ballot box then running this country that we call home. All that hard work for votes doesn't necessarily mean that the people will vote. Across the board, democracy is in trouble. People just aren't voting. Period. Many feel that, no matter what they do, nothing will change. The person at the top vJill still be average, white, male, middle-aged and conservative. Why? Because this is still, and will likely for the near future, be the biggest demographic in Canada. This fall, the U.S. presidential candidates will"be white, upper middle..: aged, rich men with heavy connections in business. Why was the 2000 presidential vote so close? The candidates did such a good job of centring themselves that 'no one could tell the
difference. In contrast, the Queen'srepresentatives in Canada have represented a wide variety of Canadians and focussed on the people rather than the electorate. In her installation speech, Adrienne Clarkson cited a wish that her tenure be marked by collaboration and. "the Inuit quality of isuma, which is defined as an
intelligence that includes knowledge of one's responsibility towards society." Ontario's Lieutenant Governor,James Bartleman, has taken a deep interest in Ontario's native communities, including sparking a massive literacy program that has seen thousands of books shipped north. Though the Canadian positions are primarily patronage appointments, they have been given to those with a strong commitment to the people that they represent. This commitment is reinforced by their duty to represent the people and their characteristics rather than the policies of the government of the day. Though they sign and approve all legislation, they cannot greatly change it. If, however, something is obviously wrong, they have the power to prevent it from happening. They are our constitutional stability. At the federal level, the Senate is the section for sober-second thought. While there are patronage appointments and some reforms are necessary, pa1tlcularlyin terms of distribution, the key is that the Senate is generally apolitical. Though members are represented as either Tory or Liberal, they are not thinking in terms ofwhatwill next year's electorate think but rather what will the next generation think? This type oflong-term stewardship is mportant in -any democracy. Not everything can be left up to the people to decide, because very often you end up with a result that nobody likes. Both the Senate and the vice-regal representatives are integral and necessary elements of our government. GovemorGeneralorpresident, someone still needs to be at the top. A monarch has a duty to the people to serve them; a president has a duty to the electorate. For this reason, I support the Monarc~y. nmoogksoulis@imprint.uwaterloo.ca
KEEP IN TOUCH IMPRINTERS (past & present) Imprint is organizing NOW for future parties/reunions and '. we need YOUR help! Help us keep YOU informed by submitting by email, fax, telephone or dropping in to the office, your name, student ID, Grad year, parent's address & telephone and your . email address.
9
There's no such thing as a (fat-)free lunch,Vl
Mapk SlPatfopd BIG EARl BIRNING I'd like to begin by doing something I wouldn't normally do - apologize. Yes, I must profusely apologize in advance to anyone who has themisfortuneQf sitting next to me in any of the courses I am taking this term. The reasoning is simple: it is about to get hotter and muggier outside than a Dutch oven and the humidity shall cemUnlypersistuntilexams are over. I'm weighin' over 250 these days, I live 30 minutes from campus, I travel by foot and I own lots of sunlight-absorbing black shirts. Figure it out yet? You got it .- I apologize to my classmates forthe fact that I will soon be arriving to class every day sweaty, parched, exhausted and far too unpresentable to allow you to enjoy your learning environment in anycapacity.ButwhatcanIdo?I'mafat guy! My hands are tied. Oh, I know, I should go on a diet, and wouldn't you know, Village One is firstinlinetQ he1p me out. Since April, Mudie's has been offeringthe "Healthy Bites" menu, featuring lower-cal alternatives at lunch and dinner such as stir fry, vegetable stew, pumpernickel bread and other things I don't eat. A fair enoughidea,butdoeseventhishaveto haV\! arit1g,qt~~lf~right(!o~tJ,e~s to,i~ In an aiticleln the Ga!(!/IQ, Vi resi-
dencechefMarc Villeneuve pushes the health food hard, sponsoring his personalmenuitems and ''healthy tips for the day." He even suggests that those whoeatmorehealthymealshave better
brain power. More greasyvittles forus retards,Ireckon.Meanwhile,Villeneuve gets really condescending and refers to the dumpster I'm diving into specifically as "comfort food." Darnn right it is - you got a problem with that, Mr. Villeneuve? Being a young adult/university studentis a taxing, emotionally volatile experience. If my boyfriend dumps me, I'm onlypkkingup a block of tofu if I can throw it at his head. I'm definitely not knocking vegans or vegetarians, whom the menu was largely created for, nor am I devaluing special-needs eateis like anaemic ordiabetic students. But let's get one thing straight: just because they eat a hell of a lot healthier than qle doesn't mean they eatbetter.IfIhadcertainvaluesorhealth issues thatlimited my food choices, I'd be more careful about what I eat. But sorry, I don't, so pass me a dead chocolate covered beaver. I'll bejustas healthy when I finish it as I was when I started. Of course, the whole concept of "Healthy Bites" as a safe haven from health risks is ridiculous anyway-let's not forget menu items like the threelayer dip with nachos, pasta primavera and veggie clogs, all of which may not rotyouquiteasfastasfishandchipsbut still have more than enough sugar, sodium, fat and carbs (aaargh! The "C" wordQ to deliver the damage you're tryingto avoid. A simple butprofound rule of thumb is that ifyou're eating it andenjoyinglt, you're sitIning, so don't kid yourself,and unless you're chomping down on a wicker basket, you're
ri4)ng.'4t!lS:.~fIW~, ~~1s.~~.t,JA.,"~ There's nothWgwrongwith that. .. I have never played Devil's Advocate with myself as much as I have where weight is concerned. Justwhen I had decided to emancipate myself from my belt this summer and flaunt
my sexy man-curves, I read the words of Dan Savage of "Savage Love," the most blunt and hilarious sex column ever (no offence to Titus the hotness goddess). A huge debate erupted when hesaidanyonewithlovehandles should avoid low-ride pants at all costs. People wrote in accusing him of encouraging eating disorders; he answered that everyone cries over how thin people are to distract from NorthAmerica's real eatingdisorder-thatofeatingtoodamn much. I hung my head in shame. That is, until Paul Campos came along with his book The Obesity Myth, which argues that society tries to coerce fatsoes into losing weight through a bunch oflies and exaggerations about the health risks associated with the stigma of obesity. So basically, everyone is full of shit - and fried chicken. What have I learned from all this? That we're boned no matter what we do. Sure, it's nice to think that an hour ofcardioadayisaninstanttickettolong life, but let's face it there are skinny people as well as fat people who are fit as fiddles, just as there are skinny people as well as fat people who could keel over at any moment and drown in a pool of humus. And there wjll always be fat people who think some people are too skinny and skinny people who think some people are too fat. That's fine. And aslong as you're aware you can'teatthewholedayaway(heck,even Iknow how to maintain), it's quite all rightto wrap one's selfin the comfort of "comfort food." . 1C,~'~ikjQixap4fit!il.ud~t~ canallagreeononething-ourresent~
mentand jealousy ofthose with perfect bodies. What the hell is wrong with you freaks, anyway? mstratford@imprint.uwaterloo.ca
r···fa·ijw;·C;;;;·····, i 1; (QllS~] too Drr" i
I '
.
I
II ~QlN[!JQI
:I
! :
I~J~~J~'lUl
CHI
I
•
:I
! :
~~.. ~~.
I I
I
I
I I •
I I I I
This info is strictly confidential and only used for keeping you updated on Imprint's events.
•• •
LET THE PLANS BEGINII
I
E-mail: ads@imprint.uwalerloo.ca Fax: (S19) 884-7800 Office contact: 888-4048(Laurie) Office Location: Student Life Centre, room 1116 )
"',..... 6' 74 ......................................... 465 PHILLIP STREET'~ LOCATION ONLY
I
UMrreollMEOFFER
....."
~j
,
I
".
•
.....
'.'
.......
..' , . . .
' , , " . '.
.,.1
Imprint opinion
10
Tired of empty rhetoric To the editor,
As I stare out my window on this most beal,ltiful Friday morning, I got thinking about empty rhetoric and remembered how tired I was of it. Those were the days. It sure gets awfully cold in a basement apartment in Barrie in winter. More importandy, and more on topic the new guy, Mark Johnson, pointed out some great items on tired rhetoric"("HailtoMr.Clarkl"May7,2004). There was an awesome post on uwstudent.of!, back in the fall that ridiculed how certain people criticized certain ex-Feds VPs Education. Using the principle behind the Mad Libs series of books, he left blanks for inserting names and levels of government to create an instant press release of sorts. I'd be interested in applying this principle to the final two paragraphs of his article. Ifwe replace all references to political parties, premiers and prime ministers, years and locations, we would likely have another such "press-release-in-a-box." It made for a fun 25 minutes this morning while listening to snippets of the new Metric CD I downloaded before the Liberals make it illegal, as promised. ,,,,,"~d&n~t<,think" Monia Mazigh would fall under the blanket heading of "the loony left" and I've never voted NDP in my life (except in a high school debate in grade 10 when a school friend ran for party leader, but we all did it so it was okay). After all, the Liberals wanted her too (she would have forined an excellent team with Sheila Copps and Steve Mahoney, wouldn't you agree?). Don't get me wrong on Stephen Harper; I thinkJ oe Clark was pretty accurate in his criticisms. The Liberals have done great things tooin the
last ten years. And it's sure been a long time since any praise was directed towards the NDP in Imprint, even if it was backhanded. The federal Liberals reduced health transfer payments over successive years, supervised the collapse of several fisheries, are quiedy moving towards a scientifically-panned missile defence system, are loudly moving to criminalize dissent and have listed the commons as commodities in trade agreements. Itwas a well-written column and it'll be nice to have an extreme centrist voice in the paper (first in a while, I postulate). But are Canadians too intelligent to fall for empty rhetoric and political bribery? I'm not so sure. I'll have to let the roughly $30 I spent on GST at the bookstore do the talking on that one. -Joe Nethery 3B Planning
Johnson a political chameleon
result of the merger of the two parties - unless you count Mr. Johnson, whom we expelled after we discovered his political whoring to every party, including the separatists who want to break up the countty. Any person wholists Scott Brison (an opportunistic Liberal), and David Orchard (a xenophobic socialist) among the top "conservative" thinkers clearly has his political compass spinning like a top. And considering more than 90 per cent of his own party rejected his view ofmerger with the Alliance,Joe Clark doesn't speak for Consenratives either. Nor does Mark Johnson. If he actually thinks that the party whose two predecessors too~a combined 38 per cent of the vote in the last election is "extreme," perhaps Mr.' Johnson isn't so much "extremely centrist" as he is extremely silly. -Aaron Lee-Wudric~ UWAlumni
Expresident, UWCCA, Liberal iIIu~ions'
To the editor, To the editor,
Regarding his May 7column "Hail Joe Clark," one might assume that the politically nomadic Mark Johnson -who has actually claimed to somehow hold memberships in all four federal political Pllrties, including the Bloc Quebecois -IS simply writing his columns with the explicit purpose of pissing off the campus Tories. His "columns seem to echo the goofy sentiments ofhis apparent hero, Joe''BitterLoser''Oark,inthatthey're lackirig in substailce, nutty in their conclusions, andgenerallydemonstrativeofpoorjudgement.Nomatter.In the end, the facts will speak for themselves. One of those facts is, for exam-' pIe, the UW PC and Alliance clubs did not lose a single member as a
I recendy read Mark johnson's article in the Imprint, "Hail to Mr. Clark" oudining how the Liberals are such a peat party to keep as our gov~rnm~nt. " ',. I'm sotty, but I'm 'a· first year student studying Chemical Engineering, and after I take my elective in macroeconomics and the next elective, microeconomics, I will have the same economic education as our current prime minister and former Minister of Finance,Mr. Paul Martin. The last time I checked, the finance minister is supposed to know where $150 million disappears to. You say all the Conservatives want to do is get into power? Sorry, but the sponsorship scandal that is under investigation for handing out money for promotion ofyour party counts as a pretty bad downfall. It is also a disgrace that we have to review the finances of our past government to ensure that all "misplaced" money is identified and recovered. Why do you think the Liberals have to advertise, "vote for Paul Martin" vs. vote for the Liberals? Because the Liberals have made such a bad image in the public eye. , If you want to argue about the policies the Liberal govetnment has implemented for this nation, let's discuss the gun registration in which the government wasted $1 billion. The registration only applies to "long guns," such as shotguns or rifles. How many offenses are committed from the use of these "long guns?" Not too, many, the pistols and smaller rifles are still unregistered for the most part. As for illegal weapons, dci you think somebody that is going to commit a crime will willingly surrender their guns, or the illegal imports
FRIDAY,MAY21,2004
(which will unavoidably happen) are going to happily register their fltearms too?! You are imagining things. How about using $1 billion on healthcare or education? These things benefit the country. Let us talk about the Conservatives in general. If Peter McKay did not merge his party with Harper's Alliance, the party would have died regardless. At least the new party gives the Conservatives a fighting chance to get their voices heard. Last election, only 25 per cent of the eligible voters actually voted. I don't think that small amount is the voice of the country speaking. With the recent events that the media have brought to light, I expect more people are paying attention because they want to make themselves heard. "Do it for Canada" you say? Do Canada a favour and get the criminals out of power. If I thought like you, we may as well vote for the Marijuana Party. At least our vote would be going to something that makes people happy. IfI were you I would not have written that article because of its stupidity and bias. The fact is you don't understand what is going on in Canadian poli-' tics.
peaching George W. Bush. . He let 9/11 happen. He started a warwithIraq justifying it using faulty intelligence. More Americans in Iraq have been killed since the war "ended" than were killed in the war itself, and democracy in Iraq seems further away, not nearer. He has made enemies of former allies. He has authorized torture of suspects around the world in violation of international and American law. He is not just incompetent, he is evil. Only with an independent investigation can these charges be proven, and impeachment is the right way for such an independent investigation to take place.
I think the' time has come when Americans should. consider im-
-Susan Bubak UWAlumni
-Tom Trottier Imprint reader
Smarten up, Imprint To the editor,
Maybe I lost my sense of humour, but I didn't laugh when I read Michelle Titus's May 7 column in which she wrote about personal information that should not be shared with a roommate. For example, Titus wrote, "Do not talk about how the guy yOl,l brought home from the bar t~ld An()'!)'mous you he participated in a gang bang Proud to be Canadian with one girl, seven ofhisfri~n~s... and a: bucket of water beside'the'hed to the editor, to keep her wet." She also wrote that many readers Recent news of prisoner abuse by "might get a chuckle'.', from such American military police in Iraq have revelations and that she herself is shocked the world community, to "beginning to locate the humour in say the least. The allegations, backed these ludicrous situations." There is by disturbing imagery, have also se- nothing funny about a violent crime that can cause lifelong physical and riously undermined the US government's credibility, which was ques- psychological scars. IfTitus were the tionable to begin with. .vi~tim of gang rape, shewouldn) be Although these incidents shoUld •. laughing. Shame on Tifu$> for not be taken' as reflective of the trivializing tape and shame otilmAmerican people, I believe they are' . print for publishing such trash. The May 7 column by Heramb· reflective of the US Foreign Policy. The Bush government, in itself, is a Ramachandran was equally offenvile and criminal regime that prosive. Apparendy, no one is safe &om motes war and abuse of nations his insults. In his latest column, he who are unahle to defend th~m takes aim at disabled people, referselves. What the US Government ring to them as "armless men." What did in Iraq is replace one' tyranny follows is a tasteless account of how with another. . Ramachandran allegedly helped The soldiers involved in the abuse these men donate sperm at a sperm bank. "Good thing I was ambidexof PoWs 'are nothing but cowards and a disgrace to those who are hon- trous," he wrote. Who. is ourable and genuinely believe in Ramachandran going to ridicule next? People in wheelchairs? helping the nation of Iraq. I presume that Ramachandran is In' conclusion, I would just like to say how glad I am that Canada oHndian descent, and I don't think stocid strong and chose not to go to he would appreciate it if someone war. Oppressionis simply not our wrote a column that poked fun at Indians. Then again, Imprin!s standthing. ards have sunk so low, I wouldn't be surprised if the newspaper published -Artur S edotJ a column that insulted rape victims, 4BFineArts disabled people and ethnic groups. Perhaps Titus and Ramachandran Down with Bushl could write the column together. Great minds think alike. To the editor,
Sp·eak Up! Send your letters ill to letters@impl'i·nt.uwaterloo.ca
1
r:
It
s
1
continued from cover "I was kind ofli\ing a double life. I'll go to v70rk and do all that, but inside I ,vas really conflicted about what I was doing," he said. "Eventually, the kettle justwhistled and I turned in a conscientious objector application." The US army defines a conscientious objector (CO) as "one who is opposed to serving in the armed forces and/ or bearingmms on the grounds of moral or religious principles." COs are exempt from serving in combat but may be required to perform alternative service or serve in the military as non-combatants. CO claimants go thfoUgh an extensive application process. 'Th<;,.ymust"demonstrate" their moral, ethical or bdiefin opposition to "personal participation in war." They must also show that their beliefs are sincerely held. The application process usually involves a written statement from the CO claimant and testimony from acquaintances who can attest to their claims. Hinzman's CO application was submitted in August 2002, after his acceptance to Ranger schooL Hinzman's chain of command was shocked and irritated by his decision. J eremywas a good solider and was being promoted faster than others. lIe was immediately reassigned to administrative duties. Three monthslater,]eremywas told thathis CO application was "lost." He resubmitted the application in November 2002, one month before his deployment to A~~anista...'1. Jeremy mused that the "lost" application was a deliber-· ate attempt by the administration to portray him as a coward. His claim was confirmed when both
JANICE JIM
Ex-Soldier Jeremy Hinzman attended Ranger school, where they tried to desensitize him to killing. applications later turned up in army files. Jeremy was deployed to Afghanistan ,!lith fod4-16hours a day, seven days a week. "111e army has ways of punishing CO applicants," he said. But] eremy
For 10 years now, the Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3) has been like Christmas for every garner. All of the major console and game deve].· opers come out to pUl their best faces fonvard and tease us all with little tiny peeks of tomorrow. This year,vas the year ofnext-generation pocketsized gaming marvels. Two long-standing giants in the 6'<lming.illdusr.ty, Sony and Nin tendo, both unveiled their new handhelds at E3. Rumors about Sony's new Playstation Portable (PSP) have been floatingawund since before last year's E3. Attbis year's E3 they fmally carne dean and revealed what the PSP can really do. 111e 17cmlongdevice sports a4.3"TFf screen with 16.7 million colours and boasts wi-fi access so you can play head-to-head online, as well as in a LAN -style configuration. The games are stored on a new form of memory developed by Sony, which has not only raised the eyebrows ofgame developers, but also those in the music and movie industry. The poker-chip-sized UruversalMedia Disc (UMD) is capable of storing 1.8GB of data in a format similar to DVD. If other publishers pick up the
didn't mind the long days and wasn't bitter about it. He was performing his duty and was happy to playa non-combat role . .1 eremy's CO hearing was held in Afghanistan. It lasted 25 minutes; the timing of his CO application was brought into question, as was the fact that Jeremy testified that he would defend the camp i fit was attacked. ]eremydid not receive any leg-41 help tor the hearing. "I-fad the hearing been held in the U.S., I would have been able to seek help." .1 eremy's application was rejected. After sen'ing for seven and a half mond1s in Afghanistan, he returned home. He was first assigned to administrative duty and then served as the armorer ofhis unit. Jeremy found it ironic that he was placed in charge oftheinventoryand care of millions of dollars of weapons and equipment. "I got back into the good graces of my chain of command quite fast," he said. Jeremy could have appealed his CO decision, but he was exhausted from working long hours and didn't feel that his appeal would be fairly handled. "It was done with and I was ready to have some semblance of a normal life." He wanted to sirnplyserveouttheremainingyearandahalfof his contract. Jeremy knew there was a good chance his unit would be deployed to Iraq. He had discussions v.1.th his wife Ngay about the situation. ToJeremy, Iraq was an unjust war. It was an unprovoked attack on Iraq based on pretenses and unfounded claims of weapons of mass des'lXl:tction. ~'1: di{ln'~t ~1·,;trlt: to he a tfJul c~:f Co'iploitation. I ,,,,anted to tak(~ myself out of the equation, out of the cycle of \riolence," he said. Jeremy and Nga considered the options: stay
iUld refuse orders, \vhich meant at least five years injail;orseekingasyluminathirdcountry.Jeremy couldn't bear the thought ofspending more time aViay from his son, during "his formative years," so he ruled out staying in America. The family decided to seek refuge irl Canada. "Canada has a historyofacceptingAmericans."Jeffry House, the lawyerrepresentingJeremy, himselfHed the U.S. to evade the Vietnam draft. House won't have an easy time before the Canallian inmrigl1ttion and refugee board. In 2003, none of th.e 317 ArneriCfu'lS who applied for refugee status in Canada were accepted. In order to be granted refugee status in Canada, claimants must conv-ince the refugee board that they face a well-·founded fear of persecution at home. Thewar in Iraqwas deemed illegal by the United Nations and much of the world. The soldiers must state that they have legitimate legal grounds to refuse to participate in an unjustified action that violates international law. According to Bill O'Riley, the right-wing American Fox News talk showhost, the Hinzrnans are being "treated like rock stars." Jeremy stated thatcertainlywasn'tthecase. The Canadian activist community has been supportive and provided the family a warm welcome. Jeremy is hoping to receive a work permit soon and find work to support his family. Jeremy, Nga and their son Liam, live quietly in a Toronto neighborhood
ror more informatiol1 ot' to make a d(Jf1ation, Iisit IVwwferemyhinzman.net
ti n
stasy t 1
d
UMD, the PSP\1,1.11 become a fun-featured port·· able media player. Developers for the PSI' are plentifu~ however we have only been shown a wee ,<ideo of one game running on the system. The game, Death Jr., looks vcry impressive for the size of the system. Nintcndo was not to be outdone at this show. They chose to unveil th.eir hanclllcld, tl1e DS. The system hinges on what Nintendo sees as it great ill1l0va·· cion: the presence of t\VO separate screens. The handheld itselflooks about the size of a game--gear and is a clamshell-style with one screen on top and the other 011 the bottom. In addition to the incredible ability to look at two d.ifferent game screens simultaneously, the DS also boasts to have voice recogni·· tion and a touch sensitive screen. Both of these will be used as modes of input in games. Keeping v.rith tradition, the DS \vill have a slot for GameBoy and GameBoy Advance games. They claim that this slot will later be used for peliphe.rals, namely a camera. 'The 1GB DS cartridges will go in a separate slot. Nintendo claims to have a similar amount of developers as Sony's PSP, hmvever they have shown us many more complete games.
My heart lies \vith Sony but I don't t11lst anything they say about !heir new stuff. They have often delayed release dates and excluded features. Oddly enough, they claimed the lack of features was to push release dates up. However, theyahvays come out with a quality product. EvenconsideringthatthePSPmostlikdywill not include a lot of the features described, 1 still am much more optimistic about its performance. It looks like the Ferrari of handhelds, and is supported by a com· pany that has all the best developers They have faltered along the way, but ultimately both of the PlaySL.'ltions have been managed with the ut· most of style and grace. Nintendo also carries an all-star lineup ofdevd· opers, but their system design is just absurd. The whole tvlO screen thirlg is insane.l mean, I hardly have the attention span to focus on one GBA-·sized screen, let alone two. Even so,ifyou want to have a good look at dle second screen, you're going to have to pause the game anyway, which essentially eliminates the need for two screens. And what's the problem with pausing? Personally, I'd settle for the need to pauseifit'\Vill mean I don't have to canyaround a handheld the size of a small dog. The other problem that arises with the DS is its dual-processor architecture. Sure, it seems slick in theory, but the hassles of coding and
compiling for two separate processors are going to get a little much for developers. The fitst ptocessoris anARlvf9. much like those in PDAs, and the second is an AR.c'\{7. The second is used in routers, pagers and the like. I find it hard to believe that Nintendo can cal! this a system for the developers, while the developers have to make applications that run on two screens and take advant.age of 1\\'0 processors. Nintendo is going to have a head start on the market with thelt:phmned Christrnastirnerelease. \'llhiIe Sony js planning to first dibs around the same tL.'11e, they won't be releasing it to North A.merlea until early 20(h Both compa· rues "\Hill release at the same price point, mmored to be about $299 USD. Son:!s tradition ofrdeasingproductsearlytoJapanhasworkedwdlinthe past. It gives them the time to tlt,rure out where they screwed up and fix it. But people don't like to wait and the h.igh price t.ag means that most won't be able to afford both. In the end, I'll buy both the DS and the PSP, but for different reasons. 'TIle PSP I'll buy because I think I'm fallingin love \1,1.th it. I'll gingerly open the box the second I get horne. I'll peel the slick shiny black device out of it's casing, a!ld lock myselfinside with it and a few games for a good solid month. fviaybe I'll name it too. The DS,howcver, I'll buy because eventually itvvill berememberedmuchljkeSega's Drearncast and Panasoruc's 3Do. A great system that just couldn't keep up. talamen@imprint.uwaterloo.ca
Imprint featnres
FRIDAY, MAY 21,2004
Wops and proud of it ArdaOcal
"love" about their Italian counterparts-particularly their lovely "gino anthems" and speech patterns. ''We consider ourselves more ginos by osmosis," explains Catucci. "I think I was a gino in Grade eight. I had awesome hair in Grade eight; and a lowered bike." In a short time span the duo have created waves in the Toronto scene, highlighted by a performance at "Humble and Fred Fest" in front of over 4,000 fans, sharing the stagewith the likes ofNickelback, Big Sugar and
IMPRINT STAFF
What is the best/_rst thing about being on C8I11PUS in the sUlnlner? III DoRIa D1Soull
is paying $4,300 for repeating courses. Best is paying $3.50 for the beer at Bomber;" Thomas Haratym and Greg Lekarczyk
"'The female attire and the pretty purple trees, they smell nice." Dave McConkey grad, applied math
3A Mechanical Engineering
There's a famous rumour in the comedy field that says members of musical comedy troupes really want to end up as rock stars. To the comedic duo that is the Doo Wops,this rumour cannot be closer to the truth. "That is so true; I think we're using comedy as a catalystto getinto the rockand/ or roll genre," explains David Mesiano. Fellow band member J ohn Cattucci adds, '~if there's a little bit more roll than the rock, so be it." The pride of the Italian-Canadian community (commonly referred to as Woodbridge, Ontario), the Doo Wops certainly have alotto he proud of. Their comedy is sharp and fast, with punch lines coming at you from every direction. Even with two perfectly-timed words, they make you laugh at every delivery. "There are twa types ofpeople in this world - those who are Italian, and those who want to be Italian. God bless." Though proud of their heritage (oft.enraisingtheirgiassestothecrowd during a performance with an emphatic "salure!"), the boys arequick to highlight the other facets ofthe band. "It's just comedy, really. Comedy, rock and roll, and filth. God bless."
~_~'~char-
acters in dleir repert6ire are two tortured Argentinian folk singers, Pepe
"The air conditioned build-
Alumni, physics
Peter McLachlan
DannyK. Ko
4B physics
SPECIAL TO IMPRINT
"Patio at the Bomber." Mark Cookie 4A computer science
"'Worst is the hot, sticky rooms in the first floor of ReH." Paola Calderon 1B electrical engineering
"'The worst thing is not having any lakes to jump into and the best thing is frisbee anytime." Amy Adams
"'The best and the worst thing would have to be tl1at really nice smell around \ campus." Adil Palsetia
1B geography and engineering
'2B accounting
COURTESYWWW.THEDOOWOPS.COM
The Doo Wops (John Catucci and David Mesiano) - antiginos and proud of it. Sanchez andJose Luiz Riviera. As the story goes, these former Argentinian citcus cameyscametoCanadainseatch ofahetterlife,whileperformingrouslog renditions of classic rock ballads ("Gracias''). Their songs on thewhole are smart and full oftruth, touching on crucially important political issues such as spreading "secret" rumours about your recently exed lover and shaking the hot dog man's questionably clean hands. One of their mote popular songs is "No Gino, No Cry," a ballad commemorating everything they
''We were the third performers in," Mesiano explains. "[During)the first two [bands] people were just walkingin, finding a place to sit. .. and then we come on and theywere listeningand they were laughing. To hear a wave oflaughter come at you like that, you can't explain it." The duo recendy played the House of Comedy in Kitchener for two nights. This summer they will join up on the "Just for Laughs" comedy tour in Montreal, which will air on the Comedy Network, a station with which the DooWops are quite familiar. As for what to expect at their live shows, the boys tell it like it is. "It's all about c~tnmg Q~ rocking out, having a good time ... cand c enjoying jokes about spaghetti."
,c~ti:t~to~~'1tt'1i6'l11l.Âť"mk Online: www.ckmifm.ca/aok
Eternal Moonshine for the reckless
"Few people, skimpy outfits." Nat Persaud
ings."
54-40.
Angels. The truth of the matter with these celestial bodies is that no matter how far you spot for one they will visit you one day when you're least expecting it. I have enjoyed the presence of one, yet she took the form of a mortal. Her name was Luna. Wingless Brazilian, sporting a visible thong one night! I do admit, I must have done something profound to deserve the touch of an angel'- if not all the good karma I had generated with the everyday miniscule gestures ofkindness. Indeed, there were times I had done something extraordinary for a buddy, but now that I reflect on Luna, I know it has a lot do with my outlook on life then and, foremost, now. It never began with ease. For me, I fell deep into a human maelstrom during the end of my winter co-op term. My futile attempts in the pursuit of happiness got me further weary. I never gave up on myself, despite this isolation I felt. I was severely empty inside. And the perplexity was twofold: fIrsdy, the outings with friends made it more tragic because, really, the stream of laughter was temporary; secondly, I became hesitant each time the people with whom I interacted could only fret about their own busy lives. They wanted to see
the flippant side of me and all I was able to show was a subde smile of sanity. I felt further alienated. It was when I was consumed with recklessness that I met Luna one day at the library. She was looking arme. I won't get into the specifics - our discourse, on pronto, was a trade of cell numbers! She entered my world to give me her full, undivided attention. After a few times we spent together, she did mention her misfortunes in Brazil which made her stronger and live a happier life. Luna, one night, treated me to a place called "Moments." So off we went to 88 Yorkville. This dance dub was her realm with so many Latinas lining up. She was happy to speak to the staff running the gamut. More people poured in as the DJ scratched Latino music on ethnic vinyl. Indeed, the perfect moment for a good time. Easter was on its way and we were all celebrating on the eve of Good Friday! Luna took my hand, said, "this is how you dance in Brazil." I imagined myself being Pacino doing the tango in The Go4fatherwith Keaton. Pretty soon, we were dancing to samba, shaking our hips and thawing out o:q.r numb legs from the harsh winter. lightning Samba, alone should have its own movie: aged Swayze and Travolta, sadly enough, will be cameos. Luna was the leader and I was the follower. We danced together without fear of getting tangled upl
Luna's foot steps were quicker than the river dance and all I could think of then was: Brazil's Pele and Rivaldo were actually dandngwith the ball! As for the days that followed, I smiled more often and each time I glanced at the mirror, my skin appeared to be fully exfoliated. The naked truth I would tell my friends is that I wouldn't dare ask this sweet angel for a date. Because we are only friends, with love - a platonic one, that is. Her intent was to give both of us a good time, but I will cherish that night. I will keep those moments near and dear to my heart. I can only hope to see her when I look at the moon. She will welcome you ,vith her angel touch. If you have come across one-and ifyou haven't yet - you will know.
Teach English Overseas
.,
~~~"".~.,
-*~udi.~~ ~~~~.,-.~
DL""~~~ .~"""'BSL _ _ 1fCIImJ, . . . nQil( ItlliIlUllfluillii .a.-~_~.; I II I wI -CÂŽnvul i hd~illle_~ r.M!mt~~OdmtlllfllIt!mIlUIC
........26N71t'4. . . . . . . . \\ ..\ \'<.0)(
fordsitrnimus.com
c
Vampires.路 werewo sand copsets -II1II14 arts@imprint.uwaterloo.ca
Strawberry-sweet romance in January Serena Wong IMPRINT STAFF
Alison Jutzi (Sophie), Mike Peng (Fran~ois) and Heather Goodwin (Lea) appear.in Theatre & Company's Strawberries in January, playing now until June 5.
Strawberries in January is a delightful romantic comedy, a surprising tteat much like, well, strawberries in J anuary. Written by Quebec playwright Evelyne de la Chenliere and translated to English by Morwyn Brebnel, the play manages to be funny without descending into silly farce and witty without sacrificing emotional realism and complexity. The story takes place in present day Monttealandrevolves around the lives of four uniquely flawed individuals. Fran\;ois (Mike Peng) is a scruffy cafe owner and aspiringscreen~terwho meets Robert (Andrew Lakin),aFrench literatureprofessoratthelocaluniversity. The two men form a friendship hased on their experiences with love and theories about the opposite路 sex. Sophie (Alison Jutzi), Fran<,:ois' one-time roommate and fiance and current friend, is a neurotic and somewhat flighty young woman also in search oflove. Completing the cast is Lea (Heather Goodwin), a sweetly naivecoonttyinnkeeper",iwcontinues to write letters to her childhood friend Sophle despitenothavingheard back in a long time. Meanwhile,Fran<,:Oisreluctantlysets Sophie up with Robert and sparks fly as the two have a heated and comical battle of words and wills. Fran<,:ois' growing frustration at losing Sophie and at losing his friends ("1 used to have two friends, now I'm down to
one couplet''), Sophie ,and Robert's new romance and Lea's undying faith that she will be reunited with Sophie eventually leads to a resolution in the last scene .. This story is told in a series of flashbacks interspersed with current . action. Fran<,:ois is writing a semi-autobiographical screenplay so throughout the play, the audience must gauge which elements are truth and which are Fran<,:ois' creations. Further complicating things, the characters don't always say what they mean or mean what they say. " Perhaps with less likable and endearing characters, there would be the danger that the audience would simply get confused and give up - but Strawberries does an excellent job of engaging the audience by making the characters and their relationships believable and true to life. Each character, despite their flaws (and because of thein), is like ourselves or someone we know. Sophie's nervous energy and need to dissect every detail ofher firstmeetingwith a new man ring true as firsi-date jitters. Fran<,:ois' wish to see Sophie happyis at odds with his jealousy at seeh:tg her happy with someone else. We can easily envision a professor like Robert verba1izinghisirritation with students and the university administration. The play also purposefully draws from movie references and cliches to greateffect. see FILM, page 15
Flashlight Brown runs away with Bomber show Matt Charters IMPRINT STAFF
MAn CHARTERS
K-Ws The Miniatures try to follow up co-headliners Flashlight Brown last Friday night at the Bombshelter.
In order to put on a good concert, a band has to have;'!. They have to have that intangible quality that determines whether you leave the show with a smile on your face and your toes still tapping or leave the show early wondering why you just dropped $7 on a band with nothing to offer. On Friday, May 14, .Bomber pattons were given a lesson on the diffe,r- . ences between a band that has itand a band that forgot it somewhere out in' the back of the touring van underneath that slice of stale pizza when openers Flashlight Brown upstaged the headlining Miniatures. Toronto's Flashlight Brown has been on the southern Ontario punk scene since before 1997 and thelrexperience shone through on stage. While not fitting the typical pop--punkimage (lead singer Matt Hughes looked like a Rivers Cuomo clone and lead guitaristMike Conroy seemed to be straight outof a '70s rock outfit), from start to finish the band's set was filled with original, catchy songs that got the crowd on their feet - what started as three hardcore fans skanking away at . the front had tUrned into an all-out
Jance fest by the band's closing number. Even though it was the band's first live performance in two mOnths,there was no sign of rust as - they played through a mix of older songs and tunes from their latest release, 11Y Degeneration. It's ashame that Flashlight Brown _ has been relegated to relative obscurity w~e more derivative peers such as Not By Choice and Simple Plan have somehow made their way into the spotlight. From their live show, however, it's hard not to be convinced that Flashlight Brown love what they do. Their energetic performance showed the crowd the right way to put on a 'show. K-W's own Miniatures hada tough act to follow and from the get-go it was pretty obvious that they weren't going to rise to the challenge. NotthatTheMiniatureswere bad - theyquiteadequatelydelivered their brand of pop-rock to the attentive hometown - crowd. Their songs, mostly drawn from Coma J(jJ, the band's latest release on Maple Music, were well-written and well-played The lyrics and instrumentation were spot on and there weren't any major mishaps to speak of, but the band just didn't seem to be all there.
:r-.faybeitwas because they wernthll there. Therewere six silhouettes drawn on the drummer's -kickdrum, but it looked like only five members bothered to make the trip home. But that's not the only thing that was missing. The band lacked some~ thing that Flashlight Brown apparently had in spades: that mysterious it. I'm not sure why they didn't have it-maybeitwas because the percussionist was wearing surgical gloves and kept the same ridiculous rock star stance while he smashed-his two (twoQ tambourines together, or maybe it was because he came out into the crowd (in the middle of song) ,vith a megaphone to try and hawk the band's CDs. Maybe it was trying to overcompensate with a four song encore even though the crowd had started to thin after the first set. Or maybe it was because the band just didn't seem to behaving any fun. Whatever the case may be, the Miniaturesweregood, butnotgreat.Atthe end of the night 1 don't think I was alone in wishing that there had been more good old fashioned rock 'n' roll from FlashlightBrown and a little less rockstar swagger from the Miniatures.
a
mcharters@imprint.uwaterloo.ca
IS
14
FRIDAY, MAY 21, 2004
Moon Princess Madge So$efauxm\litarygarbdidn'tlast too long. In a random throwback to her earlier years of exploits, Madonna stooped' to pseudo-Iesbianism to promote "Hollywood" at the M1V Movie Awards. Anything to stay in the spotlight, right? It caused such a controversy that Madonna's In just a few days, one of the most voice was added to Britney Spears' song, "Me Against the Music" in an successful artists in the world begins effort to boost sales. Ifyou listen notthe first leg of ,her latest world tour. so-carefully, it's pretty clear that the After shows allacross the United States, original song contained no such she' will make a three-day stop in cameo. Canada to play at the Air Canada Cell-' She's now in touch with her spirtre. Madonna, it seems, has decided itual side, participating in the latest that the "fascist state of Toronto" is craze inJewish mysticism. And Madge no more and as free citizens we can experience her all-shining glory. Say would never miss an opportunity to show offher mad yoga skills. With the hello to the new Madonna. telease of the subsequent singles off Her success is a bit of an enigma. Some people in the pop music indus- AmericanIije, Madonna has been aimtry succeed because they have great ing for this goddessy diva look looks. Othersgetby on singing talent. flower pattern dresses, a curled mane of golden hair (blowing in the perTruthfully, Madonna has neither. Perpetual wind that seems to follow her haps, because of her strong business around), and arms outstretched like sense and her incredible ability to Mother Mary welcoming us home. I reinvent herself, she's succeeded becall it Moon Princess Madge. At the cause of plain hard work. same time she's be~g a new, She's occupied almost everyplace in the available spectrum ofpersonas: . more mature chapter in her life. It's not Madonna the conebreasted kittenish newcomer, spicy seductress, raunchy dominatrix, political heroine, ' rebel anymore, it's Madonna the wife and mother and children's book augothic maiden, sassy cowgirl an~ vigithor supreme. lante synth popper. Somewhere along She's celebrating the institution of the line though, Madonna lost her Madonna in her upcoming edge. Reinvention tour. The Cher-slashPerhaps it was motherhood that mom phase, if you wjll. She's, drove ~ to JD-ediocrity, or !llaybe it , soccer " " , , #' even grooving with the one-name acwas finding that one special Guy. Her tion. (I swear, only popes and pop latest full-length recording has garstars ...) nered mixed reviews and subpar alI like Madge as much as the next bum sales (of course subpar for Ma~ boy, butIet'sbe honest-the days of donna still means platinum). There the Material Girl are over. It's not that' .are actually some really good songs on she's sold out (although Microsoft American4fe,especiallywhen she stays and the GAP are probably grateful fqr away from that awful crap-rap Madge her songs and short-lived endorseseems to favour these days: ment deals), it's that, after 20 years, "My mother died when I was five. being fresh and exciting is a lot more And all I didwas shand cry. I cried and difficult. She can pull off Moon Princried and cried all day. Until the neighcess and SoccerMom foryears to come bours went away." No, seriously, I'm without barely having to he creative at not kidding, those are actual spokenall. word lyrics. She cried. And cried. And cried all day. Unt;il th~ neighbours dcarey@imprint.uwaterloo.ca went away. Deep.
racy
lIVid clPe, In COlE IW
~~~_SUPERS.ZElVIE_COlVl
UA HlLARIOUS &' OFTEN TERRIFYING 4
tOOK AT THE EFFECTS OF FASTFOOO ON THE HUMAN BODYr
UI'M
LOVIN' ITI"
- Paler liMrs. IlOl.IJIi STONE
TWO WEEKS I May2tJune 4111
- Film TIueat
lUNNV & OUTRAGEOUS!" • 0WII1iIiebeta
EnIerIaipment Weekly
iWOTHUMBS UP!"
- BIert AI1aepaJ
"AMAZING THIS MOVI WltBLDW YOU AWAvr ·Ait'ItCIIIII News
\ , www.Drincesscinema.com
6 PrinCess Street West • Waterloo • 885-2950
Van Helsing (Jackman) impresses Anna (Beddnsale) with the size of his vampi,e-killing device.
Return to Castle Schlockenstein van He/sing pretty, but pr~tty stupid, too Serena Wong IMPRINT STAFF
You've probably guessed from the commercials that Van Reising isn't really about anything in particular. U~tdy. tbislatestofferingfrom Stephen sbiritrieh,the director ofThe MU1JI"!Y series, also isn't romantic, scary,original,orparticularlythrilling either. Van Reising is a decent-looking derivative action-adventure without anythingin the way ofplot or character development. It's a mindless romp of a popcorn movie that pays homage to some classic movie monsters like Dracula, Frankenstein and Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Gabriel Van Helsing (Hugh Jackman) is a monster hunter who works for a secret order made up of priests, monks, imams and holy men of all faiths. Van Helsing is given the task of destroying Dracula (which, we're told, will have the convenient domino effectofkillingallofDracula'sassociated monsters). FriarKarlisassignedtoVanHelsing asareluctailtsidekickwhoseday-jobis in the same vein asJames Bond's Qi.e., 'an inventor of gadgets that will prove useful to the monster-hunter in his adventures. Count Dracula (RichardRoxburgh) is the main bad guy. He and his flying vampiress brides are trying to find a way to use Dr. Frankenstein's machine to spark life into their dead offspring, who reside in mucus-filled pouches made of semi~organicmate rial likely lifted off the set of Fear Factor. VanHelsingeventuallymeets Anna (Kate Beckinsale), the last surviving member of a family who has spent generations trying to killDracula and protect their town. Anna is a fighter with perfect makeup (smudgeproofandwater-proofl),anaccentand an attitude.. She's been defending her town for years and has sworn to find a way to
destroy Dracula. Together, 'Van Helsing ~d Anna fight their way . through the rest of the movie until the inevitable showdown at Dracula's casde. Despite its. many shortcomings, .this mo-rie does have a' few things going for it: . 1) The actors areeye candy-all the bases are coveredwith the leads played byHughJackmanandKareBeckinsale, who both look gOod in this .f1lm. Jackman looks and acts like an 18th century IndianaJoneswhileBeckinsaIe is a pretty dominatrix-type. Ironically, with such good-lookingIeads, the only character that actually gets some action in the movie is the friar.
.
~
It's especially great how the villagers run out of their houses to. gape at flying monsters wtlo are out to kin them. 2) Despite no big laughs, there are a few chuckles. Semi-clever dialogue, usuallydeliveredbythefriar,servesas comic relief in a movie'that doesn't have any tension to relieve (though coroiness reliefwould probably have been more helpful, as the leads suffer from corny-line syndrome: "I'venever seen the ocean ... I'll bet it's beautiful"). , 3) Insights into monster psychology. Interestingly, the most humanseeming characters in this movie are some of its monsters, who show that they have more than one dimension, which is more than can be said about the human characters.
Frankenstein may be hideous to behold and an abomination made from fragments of other people, but all he really wants :is to exist. Dracula and his wives jUst want what we all want - to have our klds .not bursJ; into slimy goop in mid...... J flight:
4) A few decent effects. Apartfrom the abundant use of .CGI,there are alsoa few subder effects, su~.s'ttie one with Dracula ~l'tioss the floor and then noochalantly, without breaking his stride, up the wall and onto the ceiling. . 5) Rich material for jokes and criticism. For those of us looking for a film to mock, this may be a good choice. There's no shortage ofrecycled lines, anachronisms and elements of the downright ridiculous to satisfy everyctitic. It'sespeciallfgreathowthe villagers run out of their houses to gape at flying1l10nsters who are out to kill them. Also impressive was Van Helsing's technique while duelling Dr. Jekyll . and Mr. Hyde (who looks more like a cross between the Hulk and some form ofhat-wearinggorilla with a case ofplumber-butt)-namelythathe's able to amputateJekyll's arm without spilling a single drop of blood (Tarantino would be aghast). But my favourite illogical scene is whenawerewolfsupposedly.killsAnna and yet there are no signs of biting, .strangulation, or suffocation. I suspect if the CSI team was broughtin, they'd conclude that either she had a sudden and conveniendytimed aneurism due to the stress of daily monster-battling whlle maintainingasillyaccent,ormorelikeIy,she finaIIy succumbed to oxygen deprivation brought ~nby the painfully tight leather corSet she sports throughout the film. Allin all, this is anaveragepopcorn movie for a lazy summer afternoon, but there're better films out there. swong@imprint;uwaterloo.ca
Imprint arts
FRIDAY.MAY21.2004
Short trax: Helisaurs and hip hop Dinocopter- Helisaur Equal parts country-folk and seventies rock, KW's Dinocopter creates the kind of music that should be playing at the Grad House at all times. It's not insult to. say that all eight tracks o.n He/isaur(five reco.rdedin-studio, three at theJane Bond) are tunes to sit do.wn to - upon hearing them, you're almo.st co.mpelled to. set up a la\vn chair and cracko.pen abeer. A "quartet showcasing the so.ngs o.fSco.tt Wicken" (spoken word artist, musician and co.-owner o.f Old Goat Books in Waterloo), Dinocopterdeftlyprovides the soundtrack to your Carlsberg years.
Dilated Peoples- Neighborhood Watch . With Outkast, .Missy Elliott and The Roots all scoring hits in the past year, one can't help but wonder if a new age of thinking-pe.rson's hiphop is o.n the ho.rizo.n. In their major-label debut, Dilated Peoples launch ano.ther salvo for rap intelligentsia, producing a record that's actually got so.mething to say. Tho.ugh it doesn't always do enough to. separate itselffrom the pack, NeighbomoodWatch certainl.yruns thro.ugh the entire quality-co.ntrol checklist, with tight flow and good productio.n (o.netrackfeaturingsuper-pro.ducer-turned-MC Kanye West) that may provide so.me po.tential summer hits. Tangiers - Never Bring You Pleasure Righdy slo.tted into the newly exploding "garage-rock/hipster/jam-band" genre, Tangiers definitely deserve their Stro.kes co.mparisons. In all fairness, Tangiers' driving melodies andslighdy less nonchalant lyrics so.mewhat separate them from their New York co.unterparts. At times, Newr Bring You Pleasure seems like what wo.uld
happen if Jo.e Strummer (RIP) had spent a weekend beatingJulian Cassablancas with a guitar. No.netheless, after listening to. this albw;n, seeing Tangiers surrounded by anything o.ther ' . than cigarettes, beer, and tight clo.thingwo.uld be an insurmountable shock. Stabilo - Cupid? Stabilo seems to. derive their meaning from the tensio.n between two. co.mfo.rtable places name1y,thespacebetweenawarm,fo.lkyacoustic guitar and a cool, spacey electric one. Though Stabilo. so.metimesdescends to thelevelof"cheesy indie band," there are a lot of wo.nderfully anxio.us moments o.n this record that one can't help but want to experience o.ver and o.ver. Cupidr doesn't always hold to.gether as a cohesive album, but it definitely pro.vides so.me great mixtape fodder.
Dinocopter sees no evil, hears no evil. speaks no evil, and ... wait a minute.
Becker
aren't taking themselves tOo.serio.usly. Heck, they even claim to be the lovechildren of tennis star Boris Becker, who. was no.to.rio.us for his sexual libido..
booze and rely o.n swearing, a sign o.f a limited vo.cabulary. Once the dust setdes on the limited visio.n o.f their counterparts, Madvillain will be set to take over the hip hop realm.
Sixmo.nths aftet~andMedidnedebuted, The Coralhavedecided that we need ano.therdo.se o.f jangl.eypsychedelia. Withits 11 tracks condensed into. a 28-minuteaffair, there is no.thingadultero.us abo.ut Co.mmitting yo.urself to. this sho.rt listen. , This hastily reco.rded album seems like a spo.ntaneous effort from the band, with so.ngs so.undingradicallydifferent from each o.ther, yet so.undingutterly and undeniably like The Co.ral. The band sounds like they are having fun, and this aural infectio.n is passed o.n to the listener with grooves like ''Venom Cable," the archaic intonatio.ns thatreso.nate in "So.ngo.fthe Co.m," and even on eerie breakdowns like "Grey Harpo.o.n." It's a fresh release because these guys
Madvillain":"" Madvillainy This seminal masterpiece from hip-ho.p underground outfit,Madvillainis theproducto.fMadlib and MF Doo.m. "Slipping like Freudian" do.wn psychological so.undscapes that are dastardly delicio.us, this album dro.p tracks o.f leviathan propo.rtions like "Strange Ways" and ''Figaro.'' The illuminated flo.w o.f their "rhyming klepto." fuel injects so.me fresh beats into. the hip-ho.p scene, sampling Street Fighter so.und bytes o.n the instrumental "Do Not Fire!" and so.ulful no.stalgia crops up thro.ugho.ut the album. They don't go.t no. dust o.n their sho.ulders, they just got beats the size of boulders. Their mainstream co.unterparts preach vio.lence, sex,
Dragosh - Where You Dream
The Coral- Night:freak and the
SODS
of
Much More Music verbatim that is suppo.sedly "easy listening." Classically trained, pseudo. lo.unge singer Lydi~ Dubuisson attempts to. create dreamscapes with a vo.icemo.reAmerican Ido.l-esque than Po.rtishead. Ranging from newage blues to techno. flavo.ured so.ngs like ''I'm ReadyNow,"thelayeredambienceandaco.ustics are no.t co.nVincing in their attempt to. manifest any so.rt o.f surreal aura. Hints o.f musical skill flicker every so.o.ften, but overall the album is very unremarkable. . Ian Blechschmidt, Imprint Staff Josh Chong, Special to Imprint
.
Janet setdes fOE, yaniI1a-flavour~d",fQ'mula'Y"'(W,~~leJne~J~ttQna ~t\QgdDak&,pla)Wl sUGee&S'*'''''" that there iUho.grOwth from hex-previo.us u'On.. Part of the problem is her fo.rmula, which is wearing a litde thin - a long, uneven co.llection ofmusic co.mbined with silly spoken interludes. Until no.w, she's ancho.red this with intriguing themes: 1993's jal1et. set the carnal caramel brewing; 1997's The Velvet Rope go.t freaky with the bondage, lesbianism and cybersex; and2001 's AU For You was the sound of a freewheeling divorced chickre-enteringthe singles scene to. get her spunk back (so to. speak). DamitaJo so.unds like an od~s-and-ends co.llection o.f all the kinks she fo.rgot to work out o.n tho.se albums. Ofco.urse, DamitaJostillhas good mo.ments, anditwill still sell millions since stylistically,Janet continues to cover her bases, if no.t her breasts. Yo.u've gotthewhacked-euthip-ho.p tide track, Janet Jackson Damita Jo the cascadingMo.town-ish single "I Want Yo.u," Virgin Records so.me gritty dance floor thro.wbacks and a who.le midsectio.n dedicated to. so.me heavenly islands yo.u'll never get to. visit. And if yo.u're buying it To. paraphrase o.ne o.f her own hits, what have for the filth, there's the lap dance-fo.r-dummies yo.u do.ne fo.rJanetJ ackson lately? Did yo.u stand track "Strawberry Bounce;' ''Warmth,'' in which by her when she was under fire for her pathetic, she perfo.rms oral o.n your eardrums, and. pre-planned peep show at the Super Bo.wl? Have '~oist," in which you reyo.u been lo.yal eno.ugh to. ciprocate. Belated Mother's . remain a fan, even as her Daygiftalertl relevanceclearlydeterio.rates Damita Jo still with age and the ever-burIt's just a shame seeing sell millions since geoning sexual explo.itaJanet settle. This wo.man has integrity: she's broken tion o.f wo.men in mainstylistically, Janet stream R&B? That's a musicalgro.undin two deccontinues to cover ades, stayed true to hertroupretty tall order; besides, dude, judging by Janet's her bases, not her bled family tree and refused to. apolo.gize for the Super lyrics, she would have setbreasts. .ded fo.ra litde bito.f cunoiBo.wl stunt the way lingus. Douchebag Ttmberlake™ Critics are blowing up did. But protecting ·her throne used to 1;Je prio.rity, and until now it o.ver the illicit sexual blathering found onDamita Jo, her eighth album. I find it kinda sexist, since always resulted in boundary-bursting music. No.w she justbare1ygets the job do.ne. The queen male rappers bo.ast about getting head all the o.f contempo.rary black pop is dead; lo.ng live time, and while Janet's pillo.w talk may be blunt, it's fairly harmless vanilla sex stuff (my God, do. DamitaJo., whoever she is. none of these critics own a Peaches record?). Mark Stratford, Imprint staff Instead, the real reaso.n to. bemo.an Damita Jo is
will
Not only does Strawbmiesinjanuaryuse ftlmic elements like dramatic music and lighting to. elevate the mood, but there are also frequent references to. movie cliches. When So.phie runs o.ff at o.ne point, Ro.bert tells Fran<,:o.is to. chase after her because that's what they do. in the mo.vies; Fran<,:ois refuses because it's notraining and, ''Running after someone in the sun's just lame." Bo.th the acting and the set design sho.uld be commended. The acto.rs give co.nvincing and entertainingperformances withgreatcomic pitch and timing. The stage is o.n the floor, so. the audience is quite literally in the middle o.f things and the director takes full advantage o.f this by having the actors enter fro.m all sides o.fthe stage, invo.lving the audience even mo.re. Changes in the lighting and music are used ttl indicate a change o.flocatio.n and time, avo.iding • the distracting movement o.f stage props. The minimally ado.rned stage is impressively use<:l, with hardly any adjustments between scenes, to portray a variety o.flocales apartment, a university classroom, a laundromat, and an inn. Thecleversetdesign allows thecharacters to drift
an
FEEL IT!
if
24 0IARlfS ST. W. klTCllDaEft 519.57U4e6
in and out oflocatio.ns, time and moo.ds quickly, without interrupting the flow o.f actio.n and dialogue. Perhaps the o.nly complaint that could be levelled at Strawberries inJanuaryis the sprinkling o.f co.ntrivances typical of mo.st romantic co.medies and reminiscento.fShakespearean plays like Twelfth Night. Fo.r example, there is the largely unnecessary name confusio.n - Ro.bertis led to. believe So.phie's name is Genvieve, leading to. comic blunders when Fran<,:o.is almost lets the cat out of the bag. By far the mo.st blatantly contrived element of the play is the happy and neady accounted fo.r ending, with a stereo.typical Hollywo.o.d do.uble wedding scene. Ho.wever,ifwekeepinmind that this sto.ry is mosdy being to.ld by Fran<,:o.is who. is writing his screenplay and that this pat ending iso.ver-stylizedinawaythatisutterlydisco.rdant to. the tone o.fthe resto.ftheplay, then it all makes perfect sense. As o.ne happy co.uple stands ato.p a spinningwedding cake and sno.wfalls fro.m the ceiling, Fran<,:ois intones, "Fade to black ... The
End." Fo.r info., seewww.theatreandco.mpany.o.rg swong@imprint.uwaterloo.ca
FRIDAY
2004
Who needs a house? ,Live TV now in cars Durshan Ganthan IMPRINT STAFF
"While you have most likely seen commercials for cars and minivans with DVP players for backseatpassengers, the dream ofhavinglive TV in your car has been just that: a dream. However, recentwork bya OW engineeringteam has turned that dream into reality. "The developed system is for Direct Broadcast Satellite (digit3J. TV) reception inside the car," Dr. Safieddin SafaviNaeini,
project director, plained. Safavj-Naeini is also a UW electrical engineering professor. Other members of the group include: Dr. Shady Suleiman, project co-ordinator and director of antenna technology (Winegard Company); Dr. Mahmoud Shahabadi, visitingprofessor from the University of Tehran (UW);Dr. lraj Ehtezazi, visitingresearch assistant professor (UW);
Dr. Pedram Mousavi, post-doctoral fellow (UW);DanBusuioc, PhD candidate (UW); Dr. Hamid Karbasi, president (Farsightech Inc.); and Fardad Ahmadi, design engineer (FarsightechInc.). "The main objective of this project was to investigate, design, and de. velop a proof-of-concept prototype for a low-profile antenna array system to be mounted on the roof of a car," Safavi-Naeini said. The antenna
with the is moving," and it thus requires line-of-sight to work. . ''The antenna is mounted on the vehicle, you start the car and turn on the system, and it uses GPS and sensor data to position itself to the requested satellite," Busuiocexplained. ''Once the vehicle is in motion, itrelies on feedback sensor information in
order to keep the antenna aligned to the satellite at all times." WinegardCompany (www. winegard.com), a leading manufacturer of vehicular antenna systems, sponsored the project, andmay decide to produce antennas for sale to the . public. The group certainly hopes that this happens, and they have offered their expertise to help bring the product to the market. Although the cost cannot be disclosed, Busuioc noted that it was "one of the top research contracts obtained by the ECE department and oile of the most ad-. vancedindustrial prototypes everdone in the University of Waterloo." . Busuioc; stressed that,路in addition to receiving leading-edge research fora competitive price, Winegardmay have been attracted to UW by "the university's reputation in research at the graduate/ postgraduate levels, and the strengths of the ECE (and other) department in facilitating the bestresources available for its professors, researchers, and students." Conception and development of the prototype took place over 18 months at the RF iMicrowave and Photonics Group in the ECEdepaitment "" (www.rf-microwave. uwaterloo.ca) andl垄FarsightechInc. Safavi-Naeini stated that the group
''was composed of our best researchers in this area,'.' and this is telling when one considers that the research team has applied for about 10 to 12 . patents
so far. They plan to continue their research and collaboration with Winegard in areas such as fullintegration ofthe antenna system into the car's body and further miniaturization of the antenna. In addition to creatingtheworking prototype for Winegard, the members of the team were enthusiastic about their learning opportunities during the project. ''The researchers were able to work in a fast-paced environment, meeting industrial deadlines and exceeding commercial-driven specifications and requirements," Busuioc stated when describing the experience. ''We've also gained additionalexperiencewithteamworkand leveragingourexpertiseinvariousfields
in oider to deliver the sponsoring company a complete working product"
'Theproject addressed a number of very important enabling technologies for integrated intelligent antenna systems," Safavi-Naeinisaid. ''We gained a considerable amount of knowledge and experience in the critical area ofintegrated antenna/radio systems that could be applied to several other applications路 in wireless communications, satellite telecommunications, sensor networks,intelligent transportation systems. . , "In addition, there exists the pos~ sibility of the formaiion.qfstart-up companies which will continueinn,ovation in this area."
~ ~;~~):~~~~'u~~i~ri6~.:::h~~~
Teachers thrive in NASA astronaut selection Reyna Jenkyns SPECIAL TO IMPRINT
Despite the Columbia disaster and路 continualdelays to revamp the shut- . tle program, 11 new potential astronauts were recently selected for training: Joseph Acaba, Thomas Marshburn, Christopher Cassidy, R. Shane Kimbrough,Jose Hernandez, Robert Satcher, Shannon Walker, J ames Dutton, and Randolph Bresnik. The class includes pilots, mission specialists (MS)' and three new mission specialist-educator astronauts, teachers who will stimulate a new gen-
eration of scientists, mathematicians and engineers. The last teacher to go to space
"We need the human element in space exploration ....to ~ring that experience righ~ before the eyes of the future." - Philomena Bonis
was Christa McAuliffe, who died in the 1986 Challenger explosion. Barbara Morgan, McAuliffe's alternate for that flight, is scheduled to be the next teacher up on a 2006 flight; an assembly mission related to the international space station. Philomena Bonis, a Grade 6 teacher from Kitchener and alumni of the International Space University summer session, is well aware of the potential benefits ofthe educator program. She also believes that educators create the future for research and development and science and technol-
ogy. Space, in particular, is an ideal venue because it has opportunities for nearly any profession. She explains, ''We can have computers in the classroom and a wide array of tools and resources, but it's people who inspirt; people over the long term. That's why unmanned sJace exploration will never be enough. We need the human element in space exploration. That's why shiny pictures and cool teacher packages aren't enough; we need the educator who is the astronaut to bring that experience right before the eyes of the future."
Bonis is working towards her own goal to becoming an astronaut. The International Space University has invited her to be their space English refresher course tutor in Australia this summer. She is also currently awaiting final confirmation ofacceptance fora presentation at the upcoming International Astronautical Congress 2004 on a Canadian TeacherinSpaceptogram. Fortunately, one of the four divisions within the Canadian Space Agency 'visioniseducation based,soBonis' dream of becoming a Canadian educator astronaut may soon be reality.
FRIDAY, MAY 21, 2004
Will NASA seize the Opportunity? Revna.. Jenkyns
---,- ..
~--
-~"--'-''''"--~-----''--
---~---,.,-
..-----
SPECIAL TO IMPRINT CI1iC
Mars rover, Opportunity, hesi-
discovered on the surface ofM ars, 't'1e
and more than 20 meters En,· durance could provide insight i nto the environmental history of the area, but there are risks. F,arlier analysis of bedrock at Ea gle Crater, having one-tenth the depth 'afEndurance, yidded evidence that salty water had once covered the area. However, determining the longevity of the water body requires examination of older rocks in deeper areas. At Endurance, an exposure of outcrop reveals a stack oflayers five to 10 meters tall. Claire Samson, an associate professor of applied geophysics at Carleton University, describes the geological importance of this site. First of all, the crater depth is crucial, as we know very little about the properties of the Martian crust.' Erosion on Mars is minimal (since
The Endurance crater as seen by the Mars rover Opportunity. there is no rain), meaning the crater looks almost as it did immediately after its formation. Next, evidence of water could also occur in the format of rainwater gullies down the crater sides. At the crater bottom, the presence ofsedimentary rocks would indicate the duration of the lake. But according to Melissa Battler, a Geosciences graduate of UW, "in geology it is almost always necessary to be very close to a rock in order to notice all its intricate features and determine the environments in which they were deposited." Thus, these questions can only be answered if NASA sends Opportunity into Endurance.
NASA is currently assessing the risks. \V'ith a slope in front of Opportunity of 18 to 20 degrees, getting into the crater is not the problem - it's getting out. That depends on the rover's capabilities to overcome soil properties and slope. If the slope is unstable or crumbling, Opportunity might slip. The maneuverability of Opportunity is a factor as well, because remnant boulders from the impact may litter the rim. Another concern Samson addressed is that the robot might get trapped in a shadow zone and lose communications. No samples from Mars have ever been returned to Earth, even though
there are approximately 30 meteorite samples that have likely originated from debris due to an asteroid impact on Mars. 'fhis speculation is based on testing which classifies samples into categories.lVficroscopic gas bubbles in the mineral grains of one set match gas composition of the Martian atmosphere. Further confirmation of their origin could be gained using rocks in Endurance, by comparing very rare minerals produced by the shock waves of an impact. Already developed technologies could vastly improve future geological studies on Mal'S. Before working at Carleton, Samson was the
Lead Engineering for Ncptec's LaserCamernSystcm (LCS), which is a 3D imagery system with high resolution for distances up to 15 metres. From a geology perspective, 3D images give more accurate density profiles than 2D photographs and eliminate the necessity of a scale reference next to the sample. The technology .was successfully demonstrated in space on board th.e shuttle Discovery during mission STS-l 05 to the International Space Station in August 2001. It is one of two technologies that will scan tiles of the space shuttle for tiny cracks to prevent another Columbia disaster.
the ones that have to be trained to use the machine, The new prosthesis is softer andmore flexible dum conventional de-
strains. Older anti-malaria drugs, such as chloroquine, are quickly losing their effectiveness, Also contributing to
g:r~ater ran.ge of trlOY-'elD.cnt. It is also considerably cheaper tl1an older models. Chau has recently received a Canada Research Chair award of$500,OOO for his work in paediatric rehabilitation engineering.
The drug is derived from sweet womlwood, but the drug-extraction process cannot be patented. l'his means it is not lucrative for companit~S to produce the drug. A combination of L~is low production and new high demand leads the World Health Organization to believe there will be a shortage by 2005.
Attack of the 17-year Cicadas
Kristina Jarvis and Erin L Gilmer
-
..
~--~--.-.----.
..---..-.-'"----..
-~."
IMPRINT STAFF
Canada near the top of the list of asthma-stricken countries \VTith all the talk of our super health care system, you may be surprised to learn that the asthma rate in Canada ranks as one of the highest in the world. A report released this week by the Global Initiative for Asthma (GINA) states that 14 per cent of Canadians suffer from asthma, compared with 10.9 per cent in the U.S., 6.8 per cent in France and 2.2 per cent in Russia. The highest asthma rates are found in Scotland,] ersey, Guernsey and \V'ales.
The report and others have shown .that the highest asthma rates are found in developed countries like ours. Though this pattern may be due to better data collecting :-:ystems,
limbs. Now imagine trying to learn the various mechanical nuances of an expensive and heavy prosthesis, only to achieve very limited motion. children ;"I!ho ai'e """"'''''
phenomenon at play. According to Gina chair, Dr. Paul O'Byrne, whatever is going on that is causing these high asthma rates happens in the fIrst few months, or year, oflife. He believes that the most likely explanation is the increasingly sanitized living conditions in developed countries. When children aren't exposed to enough bugs early in life, the immune system tends to overreact later on, producing allergic reactions and asthma.· The good news coming from this report is that, although Canadians rank among the most likely to contract asthma, our death rate from asthma is the lowest in the world, at 1.6 per cent.
use ane'lver, more sophisticated prosthetic device, one that learns· how to interpret them. The new device, developed by Tom Chau, co-ordinator of intelligent systems research at the Bloorview.MacMillan Children's Centte, is able to recognize muscle sounds and interpret them to produce appropriate movements. All muscles make low rumbling sounds and this has been known for years, but this is the filst time that a device has been able to cut out the noise in the environment wen enough to allow something like this new prosthesis to work. Chau has designed the dev'ice in such a way that a tiny computer chip gets trained to interpret the muscle sounds and perform movements like opening or dosing the pros· thetic hand, Currently, humans are
Letting machines do the learning Imagine being without one of your
UW prof recognized The Geological Association of Capada awarded the first W.W. Hl\tchison Medal· to UW Prof. Shoufa Lin at a lunch in St. Catharines. The W.W. Hutchison Medal was once known as tlle GAC Past Presidents Medal and has been awarded annually to an individual who has made advances in Canadian earth science research. The GAC stated that, "[Lin] is a dedicated, creative and highly effective teacher at the University ofWater!oo." Lin's research has focused on the structural and tectonic evolution of orogenic (mountain) belts and structural control and modification of mineral deposits in severallocadons in Canada and China.
"New· Malaria drug gains support
The Cicadas are coming out in force this year.
Countries around the world al'e gathering a nC\v dmg for the fight against malaria. "New" is a relative term, because this drug was first isolated by the Chinese in 1965. However, the drug "artemisinin" had not enjoyed widespread use. Some of this new interest in the drug is being caused by the fact that the parasite that causes malaria has developed .reslstant strains to other treatments, much like the now-infamous antibiotic-resistant bacteria
the new suppOrt fo .. the
is d~e
Bugs, Bugs Everywhere A swarm of cicadas is rising up in the eastern U.S., but they aren't waking up to t..~e same ·world they left behind in 1987. Cicadas, who have tlle longest known adult-·v)-adult cycle, come up every 13 or 17 years depending on the "brood" or group. They come up to the surface and enter the ttees, where the males lure the females ,vith a drumming they perform on their stomachs. After mating, the males die and the females lay their eggs, after which they die as well. The larvae, after hatching, then go underground and feed off tree roots until their appointed time comes to do the salne. Cicadas haYe a problem w1th their . cycle uf devdopment: urbanization has taken out: tJ'ees that were around when the last brood went under in 1987. This, says Cole Gilbert, an entomologist from Cornell University, New York, is a major problem. "'Ine eastern US corridor is so· deveioped thar. cicada habitats have been destroyed, They need gigantic numbers to swamp their predators and survive." egilmer@imprint.uwaterioo.ca kjarvis@imprint.uw8terloo.ca
FRIDAY.l\fAY21.2004
sports@imprint.uwaterloo.ca
Coach O'Brien axed by athletics Women's basketball coach becomes second benchboss to be fIred in the last two months; Mano Watsa handpicked as replacement Adam McGuire IMPRINT STAFF
felt that McCrae's reasons for his dismissal were far too ambiguous. "There was nothing in writing [about the dismissal], yet it still happens," O'Brien said. "I think part of the problem is, [Hanes and 1], we're two part-time coaches." Moreover, a controversy has begun to empt around Watsa, who will embark on his first season of varsity-level head coaching in the 2004-05 season. McCrae says that the head coaching job was posted nationwide for three to four weeks and UW re<:eived "several applications." McCrae would not confirm an exact number of applicants,!but she did say that the number oHnter" ested parties was over20. However, a source close to UW athletics that wishes to remain nameless said that only 17 applications were submitted, although at least " one of the applicants had extensive o UA head coaching experien,ce. Furthermore, the source tells Imprint that only one interview - that of Watsa - was conducted by McCrae and UW athletics. O'Brien attributes this to what he sees as a trend of inhouse preferential treatment by UW athletics.
For the second time in Jess than three months, the UW department of athletics finds itself shrouded in, controversy after last week's annquncement that yet another head coach of a high-profile varsity team has been fired, After eight years as head coach of the \V'arriors women's basketball program, Tom O'Brien was the most recent UWhelmsman to be relieved of his coaching duties. 'The move comes on the heels of the dismissal of men's volleyball coach Doug Hanes back in March, a decision which was heavily criticized by many within dle men's volleyball program. Similar to the outcry expressed by men's volleyball personnel at the time ofHal1es' firing, O'Brien feels that UW athletic director, Judy McCrae fell short in offering a sufficient explanation as to why he was released. "I still harbour anger and bitterness about t.hewaythings were done and why they were done," said O'Brien. "I'm just furious." Theflring actually took place over a month ago, but the decision was not made public until the new coach was very sur- former UW basketball star Mano prised and very,Watsa - was in,place. McCrae refers to the delay in public notification as very upset. I think "standard practice." that we deserved , O'Brien told Imprint that the rationale behind the'decision was not more [of an exsatisfactory for him. Under O'Brien's planation]. Tom leadership, the Warriors have made five straight playoff appearances, ' and Craig [Nickel, making the second round of the post-season in all but one year since O'Brien's assist2000. ant coach] were "[McCrae] didn't think my players improved from year one to year the number one four," O'Brien said of the meeting reason I chose to between he and the athletic director last month. "[She said] she wanted come to Waterto go in a new direction. loo." "The meeting was kind of a blur," -UWguard O'Brien'admitted. "We just talked a Nicole Tisdale little more about how I disagreed with what she was saying." O'Brien also added that McCrae offered him "[UW athletics] is like the 'Old an assistant coaching position at the Boys Club,'" O'Brien said. "1 just, conclusion of the meeting, which ,don't get it." O'Brien prompdyrejected. Amongst the controversial In a statement to Imprint, McCrae coaching shift are the athletes of dIe refused to comment about O'Brien's departure from UW athletics, citing Warriors women's basketball team, most of who w:ere caught just as interests in professionalism. off-guard by the decision as O'Brien "Coach O'Brien's employment himself. While many players comis something between him and I," mented that they're looking forsaid McCrae. "I took this decision ward to Watsa's tutelage, the deciwith the interest of the women's sion was rather, unexpected. basketball program and I took great "I was very surprised and very, pride in making this decision." very upset," said UW guard Nicole McCrae's comments only fuelled Tisdale, who will be entering her O'Brien's anger, as the former coach
"I
Hockey afternoon America
TWO-MINUTE WARNING I had absolutely nothing to do last Saturday night: Not that my weekend boredom was a complete surprise; after all, I'm mired in Saturday night dateless slump that would make a nun " jealous. But when my reliable Saturday night back-up rendezvous with a cold beer and the television is ripped away from me, that's when I ,get angry. Hockey Night in Canada has teft me. In recent weeks, HNIC's ancienttradition of airing a Saturday night game has been broken, replaced with (gulp) a Saturday afternoon affair. ' It is official: The United States of America is ruining hockey. ' In yet another move toward a hostile takeover of Canada's national pastime by our trigger-happy brothers to the south, the broadcast shift from evening to afternoon has taken place at the request of American broadcasting giant ABC. " The network, which partners with cable magnate ESPN for the national hockey broadcasting rights, cites rarings as the main reason for their afternoon pref<7rence. Although there have always been enough games for both ABC afternoon and HNIC evening broadcasts, there inevitably comes a time late in the postseason when only a seiect few teams are left standing. Now that the National Hockey League is down to its final four teams and there is only one game schedult:d each Saturday, the league must make a choice: honour a tradition that predates television, or cater to the new rich kid on the block. The winner is inevitably the deep-pocketed ABC/ESPN tandem, whose parent company Disney is in the final year of a five-year contract for NHL broadcasting rights that pays the league a whopping $600 million U~. So while big Ameritan bucks buy week after week of 3:00 p.m. hockey games, CBC and its legions of Canadian hockey viewers ate left out in the cold. The rime shift may seem like small potatoes, but it's just the latest in a trend of subtle moves towards Americanizing Canada's favourite sport. The p~ttiestexample can be seen in, of all places, a television ad by
a
COURTESY PHOTO
Mano Watsa, who was a twotime CIS all-Canadian and a four-time QUA all-star during his time at UW as a player, will !low lead the women's basketball team in 2004~2005. Watsa . is known for his player development and leadership skills. second season with the Warriors this fall. "I think that we deserved more [of an explanation]. Tom and Craig [Nickel, O'Brien's assistant coach] were the number one reason I chose to come to Waterloo." "I was upset," said post Julie Devenny, who just finished her third season as a Warrior. "I was really close to coach O'Brien." Also lost in the storm clouds overUW athletics is Watsa, who will take over the team effectiveimmediately. One of the finest men's basketball players to ever weir the Warriors uniform, the UWathletits hall-of-famer has spent the last three seasons as an assistant coach to Warriors men's bench boss Tom Kieswetter. McCrae feels that Watsa, a lifetime Warrior, is more than ready to take the reigns for his first head coaching position. "Mano's attributes bring a great deal of strength to the women's basketball program," said MCCrae. "He's very strong in the area of player growth and development." As for O'Brien, he will take over one of two teams at St. David Catholic Secondary School in Waterloo, where he is a teacher. Although O'Brien looks forward to the challenges of coaching high school basketball, he still remaIns upset about the end ofms tenure at UW. , "I'm really enjoyingthe time I'm having at my high school," O'Brien said. "It's a change, being at a place where you're really appreciated. I'ni just going to relax and coach some high school ball. It will be new, different and fun. "[But} I'm disconnecting any loyalties I have to the UniversityofWaterloo." amcguire@imprint.uwaterloo.ca
,
â&#x20AC;˘
In
MasterCard. The credit card company's newest commercials feature a novice-level minor hockey team from Stouffville, Ontario known as the Clippers. , In the commercial's next-to last scene, viewers are given a cute closeup of the Clippers .taking the ice, donned in t.heir full uniforms. On the breast of each child's uniform is the standard Canadian flag patch, which appears on virtually every minor hockey jersey in the province. But someone with a keen eye (or an unhealthy television addiction) will notice that, in the final scene (which is a team group view), the Canadian flags have disappeared, allegedly vanishing under the Photoshop paintbrush icon of a digital video editor.
IIBut with every afternoon hockey game and ridiculous digital editing trick designed to shove hockey down the throats¡ of Am~ri;' cans"Canadals grip on our game loosens a bit more. They took Bachman Turner Overdrive, but I'll be damned if they're going to take our hockey.11
.
As if that is not bad enough, here's the kicker - the flag patches are not removed from the version of the-ad that airs in Canada. Only in the commercial seen south of the border are the patches digitally erased. It appears as though America will stop at nothing to gain control of Canada's game. Sure, I may sound a litde paranoid and maybe my bizarre antiAmerican rhetoric should be taken with a grain of salt. But with every afternoon hockey game and ridiculous digital editing trick designed to shove hockey down the throats of Americans, Canada's grip on our game loosens a bit more. They took Bachman Turner Overdrive, but I'll be damned if they're going to take our hockey. Besides, I need something to do with my Saturday nights. amcguire@imprint.uwaterloo.ca
Imprint sports
FRIDAY,MAY21,2004
Campus Rec offers students plenty to do athletics office, Monday to Friday from 9:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. (excluding Monday, May 24).
Relaxation workshop Rod Mclachlan IMPRINT STAFF
Spring tenn has arrived and so has a whole host of events in which students can participate. Campus Recreation is hosting a number of these interesting events along with some very practical workshops and certification programs in the next few weeks .. Arecent departmental press release invites students to "get your friends together and learn something new. Our workshops will challenge and inspire you and give you something fun to do with your friends." TIle following is a rundown of just a lew clinics, tournaments and workshops that may be of interest to UW students.
Outers Club hosts kayak clinic Campus Recisholdingakayakclinic, which is being offered by the Outers Club, on Monday, May 31 atthepoolin the PhysicalActivities Complex (PAq. The cost for this clinic is $15 per person. Participants can expect to have some funwhjle getting the "chance to leam something new." Students, who are interested can register in the PAC
A relaxation and meditation workshop is being held on Sunday, May 30 from 12:00 p.m. untilJ:OO p.m. in Studio J of the PAC. Theworkshopwillgiy~ pru:ticipants a chrulCe to learn how to find relaxation and seek the b~nefits that accompany a state of relaxation. Students who are interested can register in thePACathletks office, Monday to Friday from 9:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. (excluding Monday, May24).
Ultimate Frisbee tournament Campus Rec is hosting the Ultimate Flyin' Frenzy on Sunday, June 6 at the CIF playing fields. Thosewho are interestedareencouraged to get some friends togethertocreatea team. Thecostforthe event is $30 per team. A and B divisions will be offered so that teams will be able to play within a division that is at their skill level The deadline for registration is May 26. Registerin the PACathietics office, Monday to Friday from 9:00 a.m. until 4:00p.m. (excluding Monday, May24).
Extreme Sio-Pitch Challenge Got the urge to go play some baseball? Campus Rec is offering its Most
Extreme Slo-Pitch Challenge to interested students who would like to hit the diamond for a little ball. The eVe11t takes place on Sunday, June 6 at the CIF playing fields. Early registration is encourage togtL1!antee enttyinto the tournament. The cost to enter the tournamentis $50 per team. A, B and co-ed divisions will be offered so thatteamswill be able to play against teams at their level. Register your team in the PAC athletics office, Monday to Friday from 9:00 a.m. until 4:00 p.m. (excluding Monday,May24).
Black Knight Squash tourney Sign up b<;:fore the early bird. deadline for the Black Knight Squash tournament, which is being held on Saturday,June 5 at the PAC squash courts. Bysigningupbefore May 26 students Carl save $3 on their $16 entry fee and students will also be eligible for a draw prize from Campus Recreation. Three divisions will be offered ~ Beginner (C), Intermediate (B) and Advanced (A) - so that students will play against players at their ownleveI. Register in the PAC athletics office, Monday to Friday from 9:00 a.m. until 4:00 p.m. (excluding Monday, May 24).
-yJith jilesfrom Campus Recreation Pmsrelease
IFI DS Rates: 20 Wo.rds/over 20 + GST Fee-Paying Studems:$3.00 I. 15 Non.Students:$6QO/.25 BusinesslStudents:$10.001.25
TERM SUBSCRIPTIONS Fall or Winter $17.75 Summer $8.00
HOUSING Three and four bedroom units available. May rentals available for 4 months ($250 May to August) or 12 month leases (September 2004 to August 2005 $450). One parking spot/unit. Unit comes equipped with fridge/stove and washer! dryer. Single rooms also available - ask for details. Please call 572-7465 or visit our Web site, www.cbspropertymanagement.ca. House with five bedrooms available Sep· tember 1. Everything new, walking distance to both universities. Please call 884-0277. Room for rent for a quiet individual in a detached home near both universities. Parking and all ammenities. Please call 725-5348. One two bedroom and one three bed~ room apartment for May and September 1,2004. $395/month/room - furnished Of unfurnished. 746-6327 or 501-1486. Free BBQ comes with townhouse when renting now for September. Three bed· room student townhouses starting at $350 per month, per bedroom. Some units include utilities. Professionally managed. Call Darlene at 746-1411. Quality faU rental - a large well main· tained house with five bedrooms, three bathrooms, four appliances including free laundry, three car parking, internet connections, 15' minute walk to OW, non.smokers, no pets, one year. lease minimum at $350/month/room, plus utilities. Call Peter 885-1086.
Three bedroom townhouse available now. Freshly painted, new flooring. Call Darlene for details at 746-1411.
TUTORS Graduate student needed to tutor high school student in math, English and science. $15-$20/hour for minimum 10 hours/week. Phone 579-9460. Tutor available for linear algebra and calculus. Please e-mail Mouli at mathrnentor9@yahoo.com.
SERVICES Essay help - research and W1·iting. Winning applications, entrance letters from dedicated writing experts. 1-888-3458295 or www.customessay.com.
HELP WANTED Weekend counsellors and relief staff to work in homes for individualswithdevelopmental challenges. Minimum eightmonth commitment. Paid positions. Send resume to Don Mader, K-W Habilitation Services, 108 Sydney Street, Kitchener, ON, N2G 3V2. . Waitresses/waiters needed part-time at AlmadinaEgyptian Cuisine. Bring resume to Phillip Street, University Plaza, Waterloo, during business hours.
.JaB HmNTING? www.cooprankings.com. Would tou like the best co-op' job? www.cooprankings.comis a student-oUl, student-supported site, helping students make informed co-op decisions. Obtain information about jobs, interviews and ranking. Visit www.cooprankings.com
ULLETIN U8S8.1118 Tuesday, May 25, 2004 Join in at the 1mprint staff meeting today at 12:30 to discuss the paper and upcoming events, SLC1116. Thursday, May 27, 2004 Book launch at St. Paul's - "Chee Chee - A Study of Aboriginal Suicide," Written by Al Evans, Professor Emeritus at St. Paul's Coliege, Uw, will be launched today at a wine and cheese reception from 4:30 to 5 :30 p.m. All are welcome. Saturday, June 5, 2004 You are invited to come out and drum with UW Drum Circle from 1:00 to 3:00 p.m. at the Clock Tower in Victoria Park, Kitchener. The drumming peace drum circle is part of Conflict Resolution Network Canada's PeaceFest 2004 Conference - http://www.nicr.ca/conference! peacefest.asp. For more info email uwdrumcircle@hotmail.com. Tuesday, June 8, 2004 The Kitchenet-Waterloo Knitters' Guild presents its 2004 Adjudicated Show from 7:00 to 10 p.m. at the Waterloo Memorial·Recreation Complex, 101 Father David Bauer Drive in Waterloo. Free admission. For info call Dianne at 579-4047 or thomas@kw.igs.net. Wednesday, June 9, 2004 Students .... for your information ... The Student Life Centre will be the back up location ifit rains for the Keystone Cam· paign Ulympics, 11:30 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. Thursday, June 10, 2004 5th Anuual Chicken Wing Competition is beiug hosted by Epilepsy Waterloo Wellington, one of their major fundraisers of the year.. Come and join in at the Victoria Park Pavillion, 80 Schneider Avenue, Kitchener from 6 to 11 p.m. Call 745-2112 for info/tickets.
SE • • Need food or ;short of cash? The Feds food b~nk is a confidential stUdent-run food bank that provides non-perishable go~s wOW students in need. Visit us in the Student Life Centre, room 2108 or you can e-mail us at: uwfoodbank@hotmail.com. Philosophy in Action. Join an on-going discussion that looks at how philosophy applies to everyday life. Saturdays 7:0010:00 p.m. at Victoria School Centre in downtown Kitchencr (behind the bus terminal). 741-2501. St. Joseph Secondary School, Mississauga, Ontario, will be holding a 10th anniversary reunion, 1993-2003, on Saturday, May 29, 2004 from 1:00 to midnight. Information call 905-8121376 ext. 520. UW Counselling Services - Personal growth and study skills workshops, Spring 2004. Self-esteem Enhancement starts May 26, Wednesdays 4:30-6:30 p.m. ; Rebuilding: A Healing Journey Through Relationship Loss starts May 25, Tuesdays 3:00 - 5:00 p.m. ; Assertive Communication starts May 26, Wednesdays 2:00 - 4:00 p.m. ; Study Skills starts May 18 6:00 - 8:00 p.m. or May 199:30 - 11:30 a.m.; Essay Writ· ing to be announced ; Effective Writing: Grammar and Style to be announced ; Report Writing to be announced and Preparing for and Writing Exams on June 8 and June 9. Looking for career directions? Explore Interest A. . sessment (May to July) or Exploring Your Personality Type (May to July). On June 24, 3:00 . 4:30 p.m., Getting Started in Career Exploration. For more info on the above workshops! courses visit Needles Hall, room 2080 or call 888-4567, ext 2655.
May 24 University dosed for Victoria Day. May 25 Career Services Workshops: Interview Skills - Selling Your Skills: Don't stop at the fundamentals - you must also prove your skills in the interview. 3:30-5:30 p.m., TC221S. May 26 Employer interviews begin. Teaching employer interviews begin. Job posting opens at 6:00 a.m. Career Services Workshops: Interview Skills - The Basics: Learn the fundamenals of successful interviewing. 1:30-2:30 p.m., TC 2218. Interview Skills·Preparing for Questions: Discuss and learn from taped excerpts of actual interviews. 2:30-3:30 p.m., TC2lIS. New - Becoming a Social Entrepreneur. 4:305:30 p.m., TC1208, limited spacing so email info@innovate.uwaterloo.Ca to sign up. Starting your own Business·Next Steps: Picking up where 'The Basics" lefr off. 5:30-6:30 p.m., TC1208, limited spacing so e-mail info@innovate.uwaterloo.ca to sign up. Becoming an Intrapreneur, Part Two. 6:30-7:30 p.m., TC1208, linlited so e-mail spacing info@innovate.uwaterloo.ca to sign up. May 27 Employer interviews continue. Job posting closes at 11:59 p.m. Career Services Workshops: Career Decision-Making, 2:30-4:30 p.m., TC 1208. May2S Employer interviews continue. Teaching inter views end. Teaching ranking opens at 3:QO p.m. May 31 Employer interviews continue. Teaching ranking closes at 9:00 a.m. Job posting opens at 6:00 a.m.