2004-05_v27_no33_Imprint by Editor Imprint

UNIVERSITY OF WATERLOO STUDENT NEWSPAPER

APRIL 1, 2005

VOL 27, NO 33

IMPRINT. UWATERLOO.CA

Vote on WPIRG fee cancelled Defiance ofdisqualification order prompts Peds to call off referendum Bianca Tong IMPRINT STAFF

Students expecting the polls to be open on Monday, March 28 for the WPIRG referendum, were instead greeted by the news that the referendum had been declared void. Ballots were taken offline after the referendum committee handed down the decision around 11 a.m. on Monday moming. The cancellation of the referendum stems from Nic Weber and his Yes committee's refusal to take down their posters after being ~totemOveallcampaignmate~

Students from both committees immediately rallied to show their disappointment of the referendum's cancellationon Monday morning. Students flooded the SLC gathering signatures on slips of paper demanding the return of the vote. The wording on the papers read ''To the Federation of Students Referendum Committee: I WANT TO VOTE on the WPIRG REFERENDUM! I urge the Federation of Students to resume online voting today!" The activity was initiated by the No Team and later joined by the Yes Team. In an e-mail to the Students' Counclmailing list, the No Teamtmme an ~l_:the,refetetid:tim "l'1:'!"""",. .' . . 00mnti' . ttee

JULIAN APONG

UW students walked the Ring Road this week to bring awareness to the suffering in Darfur.

Footsteps for victims in Darfur Carla Sandham EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

Every footstep in their long march represented yet another death in WesternSudan, where starvation, poisoned water and murder has claimed thousands of lives. Half a world away from the horrors in Sudan, roughly 50 UW students marched around RingRoadMondayin a day-long campaign they called Footsteps of Death. They hoped to raise public awareness of the grim situation in Sudan every step of the way. "The idea is to give everyone anidea of the scale of the disaster," said campaign organizer Chris Tuckwood, a medieval studies student. "Each step represents one of the 75,000 civilians who are killed in the Darfur area of Sudan every year." With a green ribbon symbolizing genocide pinned on his coat, 20-yearold Tuckwood made nine laps around the university with about a dozen other students each rime. Sudan has been involved in an onagain, off-again civil war formore than two decades. The conflict in Darfur began when two non-Arab African groups took up arms against what was

believed to be the Arab-dominated government's discrimination against blackAfricans. Thegovernmentallegedly sponsored militias, called Janjaweed, to carry out an ethnic cleansing campaign. Organized starvation has also been used to systematically kill black Sudanese byprevenringhumanitarian aid from reaching refugee camps.

"Each step represents one of the,; 75,000 civilians who are killed in the Darfur area of Sudan every year ." - Chris Tuckwood Footsteps of Death organizer

Last year the U.S. designated the Sudanese government's actions as genocide, while the UN Security Council negotiated a draft resolution "that could, if strong enough on civilians protection and accountability foratrocity crimes," solve the crisis, according to the International Crisis Group.

"The international community is putting little pressure on the Sudanese government and sending little aid to the victims," said Tuckwood, adding he and others want to see more action. Evelyn Asante, a first-year arts student, said even as an African she wasn't fully aware of the extent of conflict in

Darfur. "I knew about the lost boys, but not this," she said. ''I will tell my friends now."Asante, originally from Ghana, commended Tuckwood for bringing the issue to the forefront. ''It's amazmg how he is so passionate aboutit and not even African," she said. Tuckwood provided information in the Great Hall and collectedabout35 signatures for two petitions. The campaign also raised about $60 in donations for the UN High Commissioner for Refugees. "It wasn't as big as I would have liked," said Tuckwood, ''but it was all done last minute." He plans to hold a bigger campaign next year and possibly form a genocide group through Feds club. "We need to get the word out," said Tuckwood. csandham@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

campus website www.uwvoteyes.ca was still active Saturday afternoon, 48 hours after the public announcement of the Yes Team's disqualification, the referendum committee considered these actions in violation of referendum procedure. The referendum committee also found that the ''Yes Team's adttons have jeopardized the fairness and the dignity of the referendum process" and that "continuing to campaign after beingditected by the referendum committee to cease campaigning shows disrespect to the referendum process, the Federation of Students and the student voters at the UniversityofWaterloo." An appeal is pending. The Yes committee was disqualified on the afternoon of Thursday, March 24 in the latest round of referendum committee decisions, which also included several more 15 per cent fee reductions to both committees. Charged with "campaign material interference," the supporters of striking the WPIRG fee have been removed due to a Yes Team poster affixed atop a No Team poster. According to the Feds referendum mailing list, "Committees shall not interfere with the campaign materials of the other committee and under section 2.v of the referenda procedure, committees are liable for campaign violations, however occurring and committee chairs are responsible for the actions oftheir campaign workers. This sort of violation is unacceptable."

calling fun return ofthe vote, with the referendum still remaining void. ''Dozens of people on both committees have worked hard for two weeks, sacrificed their health and their academic standing to work toward a vote. We ask you to consider their position and reward their efforts with a nonbinding vote." They also called for the outcome of the vote to act as an indicator of student opinion. "A strong 'Yes'votewillyield a clear message that there is support for removal of the fee, lending credence to a second referendum. A clear "No" vote will lay to rest an important campus issue and give WPIRG the political capital they need to continue the work of this organization, instead of spending a large portion of their rime defending the organization and its fee." Despite the call for voting to return, concerns over the integrity of the referendum have surfaced in frustrated students and student executives alike. Electrical engineering student Erick Matthiesen stated in an e-mail to the Students'Councilmailinglist, ''Byrestarting the ballots to comply with the request of a particular group you are excluding the 'average' student who will most likely vote on their own rime and has already checked the website and written off the whole referendum." In addition, Feds VP Education J effHenry stated, "Any data resulting from a restarted referendum would be tainted and would objectively be all but useless." See CANCELLATION, page 3

FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2005

What's IlleW8PSlAprl Fool's Day youlmow?

My roomates decorated our house with my undergar-

ments," Angie Potts 3B psych

"Wore my pants backwards to school when I was younger and told everyone it was the cool thing to do." Alii Bach 18 English

5. Sounds like the seas 9. Cuddly Chinese emblem 14.Watchface 15. Display on a screen 16. Bud's family in PEl 17. Every teen's nightmare 18. Nevada's other sin city 19. Part of Scott Brison's riding 20.~10stsup~s

23. Buffoonish 24. Volvo, Abba and Ikea 28. Prompt (two words) 31. End ofseason clearance 33. Alberta Motor Associlttion ,~ 34. Insane idea 36. Give permission 37. National parks father 38. Socialized .. 39. University advocacy group 40. Pharaohnicserpant 41. Eating an apple 45. Gravitational force 46. Manufactured 47. Self-centered person 48. Christian celebration just past SO. Wewouldspellthis barteddifferendy 51. Nnockouttablet 57. Stiffhairs 60. Kitchener based cookie company 61. Genesis of a thought 62. Canada'smostnorthemSettlement

Solution for MarCh 25,2005 --..,..,......,,.....,.......,

"I changes all the clocks in my house so that my dad went to work at 4 a.m. Annette Dworaczek

63. British cold treats 64. Lower class, college student? 65. Usually broken in an emergency 66. ATMs don't give these bills 67. Garbage bag brand

Down 1. Dutch cheese 2. Edible secretary ofstate 3. Released a peal 4. MichaelJackon compared to a dirty old man? 5. CBC's Da Vinci

54. Graven image 55. Siberian river 56. Glorify 57. Old age symptom 58. Letter that started this 59. Favorite global hot drink

10. Speedily 11. Religious woman 12 1960s toxic insecticide 13. Pompous fool 21. Baby sheep 22. Lesser or romantic islands 25. Gambian currency

"rve never been a part of any April Fool's jokes," HectorYu

26. Vomiting 27. Floating in water 28. Basic resistance 29. Precedes vomiting 30. Codswollops and nonsense words 31. Military blockade 32. The other side 35. In the middle of 39. Running horse noise 41. Egg dish 42. Almost extinct 43. The opposite of oldness 44. Highly excited 49. OnewayofspellingRussianmonarchs 50. Wailing signal

nmoogksoulis@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

4B computer science

2B biology

'T\Janks to Julia Harries (6,7) and Michelle Titus (1,2,3,4,5 & final)

1. (Oct 10/03) "Having a good raunchy fuck can be really satisfying as it's an extremely ___ experience with great intensity." HYALSIPC

5. (Mar 26/04) "Heterosexual anal sex was ___ is many parts of the world, most often as a form of contraception." CATDISEPR

r,路路' "1 put Saran Wrap on my brothers tiolet." Alecia McGrath 1B English

"This boy named Zach Cassidy pooed in the girls' shower in rez." Margrette Vivian and Vivian Kaszas

2. (Nov 14/03) "This boy was horny and in need of some intense lovin'. One time he even suggested meeting in a Math and Computer building bathroom!" TALLYBNTA

3. (Feb 18/05) "[Valentine's Day] is also a great opportUnity to try new things: wrap his dick in a fruit roll-up, her cunt with chocolate [and] have porn on while you devour." ZELIRDZ

"Put an alarm in my friends locker so when he opened it up, he couldn't tum it off." Chris Alexander 2B computer science

-My friend had a civic pnd we found a beat-up one tHat was the same as his and we told him we wrecked his car." Amy Karpowicz UW Employee

4. aune 27/03) "[Sex] has a whole list of advantages: relieves stress and pain. strengthens the system, cures headaches, clears the skin, the list goes on." MNIUME

6. (Feb 11105) "Try different ways of ___ with her clit - flick it qUickly with your tongue, circle your tongue around it or take the clitoris between your lips and suck on it." NOTIGY

7. (Feb 18/05) "Just touching, or licking the outside of the anus can feel awesome." BUNGIRB

Final Quotation: (Oct 3/03) .. aside, phone sex offers the opportUnity to become engorged in man.y other ways."

FRIDAY, APRIL 1,2005

EWS ~WmpMLU~~." Budget cuts continue at UW mately~ $500

million, of which approximately $316 million is the operating budget. Chakma cited the tuition freeze and alack of inflation adjustment in government grants as the primary factors in the financial shortfall and said that the university will have lost more than $30 million in the past three years due to both factors. Anothercause for the shortage was lower than expected first-year enrollment in 2004 2005, with 500 fewer enrolments than initially anticipated. Feds VP Education Jeff Henry said that to complain about spending cuts in the current budget while continuing to make strategic investments was disingenuous. ''This year it's only路 a one per cent cut instead of two, so it'll be less painfiil, but they're still investing. [TIie university] continues to make strategic investments, and we're not being honest about it," he said. Strategic investments will account for approximately $6 million in expenses in 2005-2006 and have traditionally included initiatives such as' helping to fund PhD candidates. This figure is

Alex Doukas IMPRINT STAFF

UWs proposed 2005-2006 operating budget offers few surprises, with spending trimmed by anetofonepercent.Despiteanincreaseinoverall funding, an increase in costs and certain a,reas of expenditure will entail cuts in other areas. This will be the fifth straight year ofbudget cuts at the university. President Johnston expressed concern that without further investment by the provincial government, this trend would continue. "Over the last 15 years, the student to faculty ratio has gone from 18-1 to 26-1 and that's a diminution in quality," he said. VP Academic and Provost Amit Chakma described the budget as "good news" when submitting it to the university senate Tuesday. "Rather, the bad news is not as bad as we'd anticipated," he added as council chuckled. Chakma said that the expectation was for expenditures to be cut by as much as three per cent overall. The total UW budget will be approxi-

down from the higher strategic investments last year, but Henry indicated that he was disappointed that UW administration would complain about the necessity of exRenditure decreases in the operating budgetwIille continuing to allocate funds to strategic investments. ''Before the tuition freeze, we kept hearing about how the sky was falling," Henry said, addingthat the university finances are not much worse t:ha11 they were in the years leading up to the freeze. Also ofnote was an increase of more than 10 per cent in the co-op recovery fee for co-op students driven by inflation, according to Bruce Lumsden, director of co-operative education and career services. "At the moment there is agap between fees and costs" and the increase is what co-operative education and careerse1vices feelsis a justifiable and necessary rise, he said. The next step for the budget will be submission for approval by the UW Board of Governors. adoukas@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

I.il!"hm:;d m smile when tou':re bent over back-

ground, but despite me daunting task, pants at the Smiling OverSickness (SOS) Bomber Night on Tuesday, l'viarch 22, proudly shined their pearly whites. The small crowd showed much enthusiasm and spirit as the intense competition ensued through the night. The Bomber Night was a climactic ending to Smiles Week, a week-long fundraiser and awareness event involving' lollipop sales that was staged by SOS outside the Bomber. Both the events were held in hopes of raising money for Cecily's Fund, a charity that provides education for Zambian AIDS orphans.

IMPRINT STAFF

Universities/CoUeges

Famed game show host and animal tights activist Bob B8.fker donated a million dollars to Northwestern University's School ofLawearlier this month, creating an' endowment fund for studies on animal rights law. "LWe] hope that [the students] will ultimately lead a national effort to make itillegal to brutalize and exploit these helpless creatutes," said Barker in a comment some distance away fromhis jovialdaytimeTVpersoria. The donation will assist law students in studying such topics as human interaction with animals, experimental animal cloning and species protection. Perhaps someday there will be a course explainingwhythe averagePriceis Rightcontestant bids five thousand dollars for a can opener. Canada

Smiles all around for"fundraiser ''\Ve':reiusttryingtogive [sick and orphaned] kids a posi.tive life," said Steve Szostak, copresident ofSOS, the motto ofwhich exclaims, "Helping sick kids smile" by "treatingthemtike human beings" ami providing thtc-m opportunities such as a decent education, he explained, children get to live normal lives. Szostak explained that they chose a social night at the Bomber as an event because it was something SOS had not tried before, and it would help them to reach out to different crowd in a newer atmosphere. Those in attendance were treated to not only the flexing joys of limbo but also to an egg-hunt, for which participants had to search the Bomber for as many of the 100 hidden eggs as they could find. Karaoke, with prizes given out to best performances, was also a lieatdraw. With the event raising around $500,

Mark Stratford

the club, as wellas the participants were pleased. As participant Scott Houston mentioned, 芦It was great fun. The proceeds went to a great cause and I'm:really glad I came." 50S has changed II. fair bit since its inception in 1993 and Szostak and 50S hope to make it a driving force of change in the near future. They hope to combine the efforts of several clubs with similar mandates and collaborate to put together one major event. Combining the small-scale successes ofthevanous clubs, they !lOpe to make that one event a big success. ''That way," he explains, ''We can raise several thousands instead of just a few hundred," said Szostak. With hopes of such success and w;rity at UW, we can only expect to see sriilles ill around. mjangda@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Cancellation: integrity of referendum committee questioned

MPs from all five Canadian parties met with sex trade workers in Vancouver's downtown eastside thi.s week in pursuit ofdecidingif Canada's prostitution la,,,,s should be changed. The committeealso visited Halifax, Toronto and Mon~ when: they discussed such concerns as the amount of ~ workers who are kidnapped and murdered in Canada and the threat of constant police intervention. The committee may extend their research to Europe if the budget allows. Otycouncilin Pedticton, British Columbia voted unanimously last week that a naked statue will be permanendy :removed from the middle of . a traffic circle. The two-metre sculpture of a nakedman carryinga suitcase, nicknamed "Frank," upset the city's mayor and several citizens afterits unveiling last January; later that month, Frank's penis was chopped off by vandals. The statue's artist,MichaelHermesh, wanted his wotkrepaired but was told the $20,000 price tagwils too steep. Instead,hewas paid $300 to let Frank diein peace. International

Continued from cover

IncomingVPIntemal.LawrenceLamalsovoiced his frustrations, "Questions about the integrity of . the referendum committee have been called into questionandit's because ofthe closed-doornatute of the committee as well as the fact that many complaints were not addressed ... A comParison . ofthe elections procedure and thereferenda procedure show that there was neglect in getting the referendaprocedure up to date and in line with the changes made to the also flawed elections procedure."路路 The Federation ofStudents has decided not to put pressure on "the referendum committee to restart a non-binding referendum nor will it hold an online poll ofits own," as announced in a press releasecitcuIatedMondayevening. NicWeber,chairoftheformerYescommittee, said he (elt that participating in the referendum process was a "greatexpetience," butis "disheartened by the democratic process." Frustrated by the voiding of the referendum, Weber considered it a "rash decision for a si.t:tgle poster over another poster." He added, ''More extreme circumstances merit cancellation, not this one. Maybe aMolotov

cocktail thtownatthe WPIRGoffice."Theteamhas also called for the resignation ofthe referendum's chief returning officer Brandon Sweet, from the Federation ofStudents. ''Brandon Sweet believes his purpose is to fine people rather than follow procedure," said Weber.

"More ,extreme circumstances merit cancellation, not this one. Maybe a Molotov cocktail thrown at the WPIRG office." -Mc Weber Yes committee chair

FedsPresident~WroestandsbebWndthe

decision of the refetendum committee to both disqualify the Yes team and void the referendum. 'The referendum procedure outlines the referendum committee's options. Once the posters are stamped,theyaretheresponsibilityoftherespective

committees whatever happens to them." Regarding the referendum, "there was not much of a decision other than the one made. Students were stillbeing swayed by campaign material [on voting day]," said Wroe. Weber expressed disappointment with Wroe and her actions with respect to the :referendum, calling her "irresponsible." ''1 expect more from a president," said Weber. He said that there was an "incestQous relationship between the Feds and the referendum committee" and questioned the impartiality of the process. "HowcanFedsstandforasidewhenthey are running the referendum," in :reference to the Students' Council's motion to support the No team in the referendum. OftheremainingcompIaints, the No committee was fined 15 per cent ofits spending limitfor sending pre-campaign period emails to UW students and the Yes committee was fined twice, once fornotcomplyingwitha previous order to change poster wording, while the second complaint was due to Weber's comments regarding Norman Finkelstein, at the March 22 forumheldm theSLC. bianca@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Scientists at the Massachusetts Institute of TechnologyhaveinventedClocky,anewalatrnclockfor those who have troublegettingup in themoming. When the snooze button is pressed, the clock, equipped with wheels, rolls off the table and into another room, forcing the sleeper out of bedandonachasetotumoffthefollow-up~ "Simply finding Clocky ought to be strenuous enough to prevent even the doziest owner from going back to sleep," joked a writer atNew Sdentist magazine. Aperfectgift for thosewho enjdybeing mockedbefore theirdayhas even started Y'know, incase theirlife doesn't quite suck enough already. A'man in Rome who divorced his wife after refusing to have sex with her for seven years has been ordered by court to cough up support payments. He claims that he launched his "sex strike" after she sided against him in a disagreement in the early '90s and appealed his alimony after they split in 2000. The court responded by addingcourtcosts to his debt to the tune ofseveral thousandeuros. Oh sure, now he gets screwed ... mstratford@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2005

Hukkas, slushies and. dialogue weresoldin the Great Hall. The profits went to the chatitySave a Child's Heart. It was a day of mourning for all innocent lives lost in the Arab-Israeli con-

flict.

AVt Shahar and Ari Taub enjoy the hukka on the Bomber patio. Sabrina Bowman IMPRtNTSTAFF

''We hope to show people a more accurate picture onsrael than the one they see on the news. All they see is violence and conflict, but the reality is thatIsraelis alotlike Canada: progressive, democratic and diverse," said Tomer Chervinsky, president of WIPAC. '

Ifyou walked by the Bomber patio on Monday, you may have wondered what was going on. Several students spent a few enjoyable hours smoking hukka water pipes as part of Israel Culture Week. Monday The Israeli' marked the start IIWIPAC has made a ofIsrael Culture wayoflifewascelebrated this week. Weekt which serious. cJ)mmitalent by the.Waterlo()路 ~;'?kiaed 6ff b; with some Israel Public Afto lowering the fairs' Club Hukka (water tension on campus (WIPAC), which pipe) on the put on Israel Culboth with regards to Bomber patio. ture Week in the This was folissues of the Middle lowed by the SLC. The week celebrated Israeli East and in general." Piece by Piece, Peace is Possible culture as well as demonstrated , cake giveaway in the SLC, which marked 24 years of the many values Israel shares with peace between Israel and Egypt. Canada. WIPAC was formed with the Tuesday to Thursday had displays in the Great Hall on Israeli culture, goal to promote Israel on campus and provide a voice on the many tourist information and exchange things about which few Canadians programs. Wednesday sawUW students coolever have the opportunity to learn about. ing down with blue slushies, which

Israeli events on campuses, in Canada are often surrounded by contention and controversy. In September 2003, former Israeli President Benjamin Netenyahu was scheduled to speak at Concordia University in Montreal. Riots outside the building where he was to lecture resulted in broken windows, arrests and the cancellation of the event. When asked if WIPAC was con, cemed about escalating tensions between pro-Israel and pro-Palestinian factions at UW, Chervinskyreplied "WIPAChas made a serious commitmentto lowering the tension on campus both with regards to issue~ of the Middle East and in general. Our events for this week are cultuial and intended to be fun and relaxing as well as informative." "[T]he executivts of clubs like WIPAC and SFPR [Students for Palestinian Rights] deserve high ... praise for keeping the focus on constructive debate and criticism, rather than on rhetoric and hate," added clubs and services director Rick Theis. Aside from Israel Culture Week, WIPAC r~SiatlY;p~ in\the

. half, but still has the look of"peace and beauty" according to one ofthelawyers involved in the case. Since starvation takesmonths,itwill be the stoppage ofrespiration-or her heart - thatcauses her death. Doctors have pointed out that since she cannot feelpain, therewillcettainlybe no suffer- " TerriSchiavo'scontroversia!caseproves inginhercase. that, yet again, the s~alled "pro-life" Shiavo's parents, who want her to . crowdisamightilyconfusedbunch. The live,haveclaimed thatShiavoresponded right-to-liferswantto force Terri to live, affirmatively, through moans, when in spiteofher having told -according asked by them if she wanted to live. to swom testimony - her husband, . Interestiog, consideringherstate has left uncle and brother-in-law beforehand herincapableofthought! Doctors have that she would not want to live forever set the record straight, saying that in a vegetative state. The right-to-lifers Schiavo'sexpressionswereinvoluntary want to deny this poorwoman a peaceand normal from someone in a vegetaful death. tivestate. How about those wacky right-toProtesters on Easterweekend drew lifers, eh? At UW, the Students for Life scomwhentheycomparedShiavo'spassembattassed themse1veswhen they had ing to the btutal killing ofJesus Christ the audacity to bring in (not once, but 2,000 years ago. As far as I know,Jesus twiceQarepulsivespeaketwhowassinwasn'tinavegetarivestate-norwashe ister, insensitive and cruel enough to " wanting to die. compare women's reproductive As ahumanrights advocate, I believe freedoms to the Holocaust Whatgreater people shouldhave therightto assisted insult to ourJewish students could the suicide. WereIinthesamecircumstances pro-lifers think of than to trivlalize the as Schiavo, I knowthatIwouldn'twant mass murder of their ancestors? to live as a vegetable for the rest of my Havingbeenraisedinanevangelical days, creating nothing but burden for church, I've heard many a right-to-life my family and friends. tant.Mylocalminister,astrongabortion The majority ofAmeri~s agree: a opponent, is a perfect example of the CNN poll found that 56 per cent" of immoral views of a good share of the Americans agree with the removal of "pro-life" crowd: they oppose abortion Schiavo'sfeedingtube.Eighty-sevenper but support capital punishment Now

RainbOwRedsQueerFihn~by

tMrr~Md路路

sponsoring the fUm "Yossi and jagger," the story of two Israeli soldiers who fell in love amidst war and discr:itnination. The group also attended the performance ofan Israeli choirand helped send people to a conference in Mon- . treal on Israeli issues. The ;eek is wrapping up with a dialogue group Qn Israel and the territories, which will take place at 1 p.m. in SLC 2034. All ate welcome to come. Formore information on WIPAC visit www.waterlooisrael.ca.

Ifsorneonewants to die, they should be forced to live. If someone wants to live (manyrecepients ofcapital punishD?ent), they should be forced todie.Ar1d the right-to-lifers wonder why they're not taken seriously? Now they have taken it upon themselves to ''liberate''TerriSchiavofromthe clutches of her loving husband This womanhas been in a "persistentvegetarive state" for 15 years - due to catastl'Ofhic brain damage caused byaheart stoppage-andisunabletothinkorfeel. Pro-life politicians such as Florida GovernorJeb Bush have alreadyinterfere.dinthelegalprocessthatgaveSchiavo therighttoapeacefuldeath. Thefeeding ~,has beenremoved,re-insertedand removed again. Schiavo has now been Without the tube for over a week and a

sbowman@imprint.uwater'QO.ca

SECURE YOUR "STUDENT HOUSING" NEEDS FOR SEPTEMBER 2005':'2006

Free Give-aways!

Let Schiavo rest!

www.haneyp .com or call 746-1'411 ,to set ~p a showing!

~~:i~~~路""

ifinSchiavo'scondition. " PresidentBushhas commented that government should "always err on the side oflife." I guess that's what he:was doingwhenhehadtheauthoritytostop the exeeutionsof the 152 people who were killed by the State oITexaswhilehe was governor. The pro-life crowd is furious about .this case and, of course, mapy disguise their opposition to the right to assisted suicide as "protecting the rights of the disabled." Oneespeciallypro-lifespectatorwroteane-mailoffering$250,OOO US to anyone who kills Schiavo's husband and $50,000 US for the death of the judge in the case. Aren'tpro-liferswonderful? mjohnson@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

FRIDAY.APRIL 1, 2005

Shine on, you crazy diamonds

This is it. My last column as an undergraduate student. ';fhrough the lens of business and student issues, there are a fewthanks that need to be said before I go. Without further ado: To those student organizations so inspiring they make one remark out loud, "I wish that had been around when I was in first year:" my inspired thanks. Tips of the' hat go to the Entrepreneurs' Association of UW, The Crew and those resppnsible for helping make the recentInternational Development Student Conference a reality. Seriously, where were you all when I was in ftrst year? I will leave many things behind when I graduate. Thanks to efforts such as yours, I know that someday I will look back and ftnd an even more inspiring campus than the one I left behind. T~ those who can take a regular student event and turn it into a kickass time, thank you. Nothingliketaking the over-used business maxim, "think outside the box," and showing that students reallycantakecare oftheir own. Here, the off-campus dons take home a prize, for (among other successes) the recent transformation of their usual formal thank-you dinner mm a Eo~-you soJ.d.-.out Bedouin Scnmddash concert at Bomber. My peers from OCD are too numerous to thank by name, but rest assured everyone, it's been a pleasure. (Did he say pleasure? Insertgratuitous "your mom" joke here.) Also deserving ofmention here are all the Fed and

Bomber staff and managers I've ToLiam,LeoandTracy,forstandknown over the years, for showing ing by me when campus was divided~ that students can not only run things we have gone down different paths as well as expected but in many cases since those cold winter days but I will much better than their peers. Indeed, never forget the struggles we went they are some of the best~run bars in through together. Thanks. the city. To all the authors of Imprints letTo those students who simultaneters over the years: I treasure fewthings ously break down stereotypes while more ,about student journalism than choosing to make the world a better its ability to give a voice to those who place, a revering thank you. There are seekit. Even those who offer criticism many such organizations at UW, of my own words-no small list this though I am most familiar with is week, I am guessing- I am glad tfuit Engineers Without Borders. EWB, youhav;e each had the chance to share you don't hear it enough: each and your views. every one ofyou truly helps to change To those staff members I've our world and it's been an honour to. worked with over the years here at UW, share in our all-too-short experiences notably Christine Baker, Irena together. Baltaduonis, Cathy "C-A-T-H-Y" To those who have been patient Bo1ger,Allne Harrls,Laura Katsirdakis, with my mistakes over the years, a Sherrie Steinberg and Laurie Tigertmost humble and sincere thanks. It Dumas: a deep thanks both for yoUr was once very calming to realize that, energies and for your patience. Beinga university is indeed alearning environstudent can be tough. My fellow stument. Mistakes are allowed. There's dent volunteers are truly fortunate to no need to go climbing on any high have enjoyed the suppo,rt ofsuch tirebridges just yet. Many of my past less individuals as yourselves. Indeed, teachers deserve thanks here, btlt this to each and every member ofthe everweek mention must go out to arts growingbnprintvolunteerstaffbase:a councillor Paul Lehmann. Misintor-" heartfelt thanks to all of you. You mation led me to list councillor know you've earned it. I hope you've Lehmann last week as one who suphad a good time. Shine on, you crazy ported the Feds' "No" initiative withdiamonds. out properly consultfug his constituFinally, to all my fellow campus ents ftrst. My error has since been leaders, especially those of the Feds corrected-Lehman did indeed con(clubs, and services tool) and ASU sultwith,theASUabouttheWPIRG' varieties; to the "over-exrendets anonymous" ofthe past, presemand furore; issue before he broughta motion to Fedscouncilsupportingthe'No'team. indeed, to every shl:dentwho has de-

sooiy abOOf~"PI.ut"Y··' Tothose~F(X: andmdministrators involved in UW"'s Orientarion Week: for undertaking the mammoth event each year, creating a real UW student community and letting students such as myself have a: good time.

cide<lw~-theit eduaatiOOmoi:e

man mnplysiab-and-texm.:d expe-

rience: thank you so very much. It's people like you who get me up in the morning. I don't know what I would do without you. adilts@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Indoor Units * ALL SIZES'* Heated

$20.00 $29.95 $39.95 ,$44.95 and up Call Harry at:

K·WSAPI!

STORA• • 136 Moore Ave., S., WATERLOO

.70.....

Now Renting for September '05. Waterloo Off-Campus Housing (W.O.C.H.)

0v--atyE.f~en:i~A.. Ii \~ ·

Quality Housing Contact us .at

www.rentwoch.com 747-7226

Acommodation for over 400 stUdents

1 HOUR SERVICE on most glasses & contacts

Buy one comp~te. pair of e~lasses or contact lenses at regular pnce, and , get a second pair FREE.

OVER LOGO ·NIW FU-...MIS TO CHOOSE FROM

I FIlES EYE lEJClAia: for anyone not coverect by OHIP .. I Details in store J WIth coupon I Not varld with other offers. Expires May 6/05

--------------------~

FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2005

Imprint gains an editor, loses a caffeine addict After a yearm theindustty, she will belendingher expertise to Imprint. . Saa'ciham's plans for Imprint include, in her As soon as her contract ended, currenteditor-inown words, "making the Imprinters my own chief Laura Katsirdakis was checked into rehab . personal arsenal ofslaves," and "crafting a pubfor a severe caffeine addiction. The source of the' lication that glorifies all things about life in small town Ontario." addiction is rumoured to be long, chaotic production nights fueled by Tim Hortons binges. Katsirdakis will' be heading back to This rehabilitation came as no surprise, consid-. J:¥ghschool, er, Wilfrid Laurier, to work on her master's degree in political science. She will also ering the fact that all EI Cs end up in. the same be participating as 'a test subject in a resaerch condition following their time at Imprint(except foi theone, who will remain nameless, who went project at WLU entitled, "The sad, pathetic lives ' . . ofthe severely caffeine addicted." directly to jail). Have nofear, however, because Imprintwill Sandham and Katsi;dakis have provided Imsoon be in the capable hands ofincoming editor- printwith a comprehensive list of their similariin-chief, Carla Sandham. A native of Eden, ties and differences so the public canknowwhat to expect. Ontario, Sandham left the sticks to come to Conestoga, College and study journalism. editor@imprint.uwaterloo.ca laura Katsirdakls and Carla Sandham EDITORS-IN-CHIEF

Caffeine addiction - a dangerous affliction.

And it's over ••• -,,St#ets,lRelief April 1st & April 2nd . <i ' ./-=- Join us in the SLC on the evenings of - Friday April 1st and Saturday April 2nd for FREE fOOd, movies, and MOREll • Movies in SLC Great Hall: •

o Oceans 11 @9:oopm o Oceans 12b@ 11 :30pm Open gym.oo WaCkY VolleybalL .9- 1pm PAC KtipaLu yoga.oo 9-10pm PAC ~tudio 1-

• • Judo ... 9-11pm PAC Studio 2 •

•

el'ftt eol'Dtlf... MPR Beaded Crafts Cove ... 9pm..2arri FREE for UW...."..~

TURDAY APRIL 2Dd •••

} .

• Movies in St.C Great Hall: Bad Boys I @ 9:00pm Bad Boys II @ 11:30pm Open gymoo. 9-11pm PAC NIA tec~V\,tqueoo. 9-11pm PAC Studio 1 •

•

power yoga 10-11pm PAC Studio 2 ,.-----::-~ X - Box Gam i ng Room ... 9pm-12am MPR in SLC 00'

Cl',ft Col'Dtlf ... MPR Door Decotations

For more info visit http://www.warrlorweekends.uwaterloo.ca

New Volunteers

The deadlines will still be there, your mother will still call and with luck you'll get a job and start the race all over again. Remember what it was like in high school? They always told you that Grade 9 would be different from Grade 8 but it really wasn't. You didn't even notice the incremental way in which your assignments got longer. Back then assigntnentworth 30 per cent of your term For some, this week wipbe Jhe end ofwhat has mark was a big deal. By fIrst year, 30 per cent been an 18-yeapchoolcareer. The only other commitments thatwilllikely be as long in thei,r simply meant you spent two days rather than one. We had adapted to the new environment. lives are a full-time career or marriage; even then, those aren't guaranteed anymore. Hard .Chat?-ge never ends. to believe, but now is the time fo! the rest of Judging by the events of the past week, this phenomenon is scalable. The p.eople of your life. Can you remember Special Me (or perhaps . Kyrgyzstan toppled their government last Show and Tell?). I can. Each week a different month in what was naively expected to be a kidm :Miss Gotdon's Jpnckrgarten class would" swift revolution similar to Ukraine. However, once the president was toppled, the country get a chance to tell tl}d.r classmates all about still needed to be run. Old loy:llties and new themSelves. Pictures.~c6: trophies, favouralliances continue the same dance as before, ite teddy bears; all t~~C~d more wouldbe earadedin front of the class. One thing th~t but with new faces. We can work ourselves up you would do is tell your friends what you to an artificial deadline, expecting sunshine wanted to be when you grew up. Ifthings had and roses afterwards only to discover that the ended up the way I thought they would then, world still turns from west to east. We have been watchjnga similar situation, I would be a daddy and~trains by now. Good thing I didn't bet the horses that day as. albeit in its early stages, in Florida. Emotions have been run high and politicians have been well. We've been telling people for as long as we lobbied, but in the end, the world will likely be • can remember what wt;wanted to Qe when we short one woman and we'll all go home. Two lessons will come from that situation. First, grew up. Guidance counselors, distant relajusrbecauseyou have vocal lobby, doesn't .rives or someone newattlte bar; there seemed mean you'll win, and second, th~ cycle oflife to be an indirect relationship between the numberofyearsleftitiscbooiandthenumber still goes on: Babies are born and people die, just a's it has happened for thousands ofyears. of times you were asked What you were going And so, for those getting their hopes up to be. Life was seminars, reports, planningand about a new and exciting world; remember, it's ... it's over. The tast p~ is handed in, the the same world thatitwas yesterday and that it fmal exam is next Thptsday and then you're home tree. will be tomorrow. Farewell and good luck, I'm How will this weelf: lpe different from next off to buy my textbooks for next term. . month? Believe it or no~ the average person is nmoogksoulis@imprin~.uwaterloo.ca adaptable enough th~tYm! won't really notice.

welcomel

;1 \"

FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2005

Bains ends,UWIHDAlecture series UW math places fourth at 'PUTNUM Rebecca Temmer IMPRINT STAFF

Exams getringyoudown? Imaginewhatstudying would be like if you were a 12-year old orphari in Uganda living with HIV and trying to care for younger siblings. Last Wednesday, Anurita Bains, special assist- ' ant to Stephen Lewis, the UN Secretary General's Special Envoy for HIV/ AIDS in Africa, presented the video "The Value of Life: AIDS in Africa Revisited" which followed LeWis's travds throughout Africa in 2003. LewiswashailedbyMacleon~magazineas"Ca

nadianoftheYear"in2000forhisworkinpromotingtheCanadian House ofCommons BillC-9that would allow the bulk production of generic antiAIDS drugs. The video, The Nature of Things, specially produced byJudyJackson, detailed Lewis's second &ct-finding mission in Africa, -which aimed to connectwithdifferentprogtams and initiatives that are striving to combat HIV/ AIDS. These initiatives help bring together people and resources, improving lives ofthose devastated by the disease. Bains opened by updating the audience on the situation that the video presented, emphasizing the work that has been done by countries like Canada, such as getting low-cost generic drugs for people who can't afford costlier treatments. Jackson's documentary-style piece gave an intimate view of the hean-wrenching stories of some of the individuals who are affected by HIV / AIDS in Africa. Bains took questions after the video was finishedand therewere'Someespecially heatedinquiries about the government's $15 billion for HIV/A1DS""'tdch excludes any money for groups tNu;~anyfamilypJanningmeasures other

u.s.

thanabstinence. This poses a problemwhenmany ofthemedicalclinicsdealwithallnaturesofmedical problems associated with sex and reproduction, not only HIV/ AIDS. Anotheraudiencememberaskedwhatkindof contributions students ona tight budgetcanmake. Bains responded thatwritingletters to your Member of Parliament or cabinet ministers can make a huge difference. It was this kin,d ofcampaign that was instrumental in having Bill C-9 passed on ParliamentHillandwillcontinue to have animpact on policy matters of this nature. The event was presented by the University of Waterloo International Health DevdopmentAssociation (UWlHDA) as part of their ongoing campaign "AIDS:TakeActionNowl"whichaims to educate students about HIV/ AIDS and the impacts the diseases have on millions throughout the world. UWlHDAis taking action by helping to send a group of eight UW students to Tanzania to undertakepeereducationprogtamswithlocalyouth leaders in two rural communities. Mike Martin, one of the group members, had this to say ofthe prognunsofar: "We'll be helping local youth leaders to maintain an on-going grassroots project and talking with others that have carriedoutsimilarefforts.Iwouldn'tbequicktosay that I will personally aff~ change overseas; I'm approachingtheprojectasabigleamingexperience formyselfand the others participatingwhichwould be brought back here to North America to incit~

change." For more information on the Stephen Lewis Foundation and the work they do in Africa check outwww.stephefllewisfoundation.otg.Resources on U\'<'IHDA can be found atw\\,,\v.u\\ihda.org

Bormashenko ranked 13th out of the 3,733 student competitors. Furmaniak and Lipnowski were ranked in'the top 60. Other Waterloo students not on the fourthplace team also fared well; Xiannan Li was 23rd whileCory Fletchergathered an honourable mention. Fifty-four UW students wrote the Putnam and 21 were ranked in the top 500.

Christine Loureiro ·IMPRINTSTAFF

Waterloo team takes fourth in North American math'competition The WilliamLowellPutnamMathematics Competition is one of the pre-eminent math challenges in North America, representing, according to Chris Redmond of the DailY Bulletin "the pinnacle of achievement for North American math students." UW team coach and math lecturer Ian V anderBurghmusthave been proud then when his team placed fourth among some ofthe top universities in the U.S.A. and Canada, including MIT, Princeton, Duke and CalTech. The contpetitionis held locally each December and open to any student enrolled in a fulltime undergraduate program, according to the UW website of Chris Small, organizer and statistics professor. He likens faringthis welliJ.? the, Putnam to making the Final Four in March Madness basketball . UW has placed in the top ten of the Putnam ' for all but two years since 1985. This year's team comprised of students Olena Bormashenko, Ralph Furmaniak and Michael Lipnowski. "All three team members had outstanding results." said Vanoe.rRnrp'h. notinp'

Into the Midnight'Sun (no, not that one) show 'at Humanities Theatre Whengeogtaphy student Brett Rogers and ERS student Dough Copping set out on a 3O-day expedition to traverse the Mackenzie River on a self-made 32-footraft, they didn't quite knowif they'd make it through their journey or need a mid-adventure rescuing from the Beaufort Sea. Not only have Rogers and Copping lived to tell the tale ofrafting the world's largestuninterrupted river, but they've made a documentary in the process, usingitand their story to raise funds and awareness for Alzheimer's disease. A nature lover and varsity hockey player, Rogers found his inspiration from Terry Fox, the late-Canadian cancer crusader. Students can view Into the Midnight Sun and hear Rogers and his team tell of dllys without stopping, motor failturesandNativeAmericanceremonialprayers on Monday, April 4 at the Humanities Theatre at 8 p.m. Admission is free, and applications can be found atwww.cbet.uwaterloo.ca. Contact Lesley Curtisatlcurtis@Uwaterloo.caor(519)888-4567 extension 7167 for additional information. clouralro®imnrint.ltwatel1no;ca

Imprint Sections

Impirnt priif~eading _test Can you raed thJs ad? Do you thllnk th8Ir are Some probIums with the • .,.IIng? Get out you're red pen and mrak It .pl Consider this you're appleldon four the postIon of Imprint proofraeclerl Their are few who can posslbley qualify. Know, you're, commas, and word spellng,; But that's not all you can at Imprint dol Check out thse other Ilustirous voIuntere posltons: : ; : , . bucket

4 exc~emenfl of

• -Draw exciting graphicsl ·...WJfread the hell out of

Edti a section with an iron fist!

Write things that poeple raed!

this ad. then bring it with you to the Imprint office in room 1116 of the SLe or email editor@imprint.uwaterioo.ca

FRIDAY. APRIL 1, 2005

PINION

Imprint is published by Imprint Publications Student Life Centre 1116 University ofWaterloo Waterloo, ON N2L 3G1

What I have learned from Imprinters I'vesaiditbeforeandI'llsayitoncemore. I can be a bit cynical. One of the things thatdrivesmethemostcrazy is people. Peoplecanreallygetme down sometimes. I have an annoying habit. I seem to naively expect all people to be well-intentioned and kind no matter how many times they prove not to be. Is it just me or is it miserably depressingwhen people reveal themselves to be consumed by nothing more than naked self-interest? Those who spend a ridiculous amount of energy trying to get the last word, those who become drunk on the high of having even the most

minute power, those who have no . out, or sub-committee 38 has yet to respect for people who work with deliberat~ on the matter because the .them and those who seem to derive a directive from committee 73 was unpathetically large amount of pleasure clear. It makes me want to give up. out of making things difficult for othFind a nice deep hole somewhere and ers. These people make me want to climb in. heave. I knowitmustsoundlike I was born yesterday, but! can't understand people like this. They make me feel like The little things a fool for expecting kindness from strangers. people do don't get These are the kind of depressing me down as much thoughts that get me down whet} people do little things like cutin front anymore. in line-ups, leave masses of garbage and mess behiiJ.d wherever they congregate and generally not give two shits about the person next to them. Working at Imprint has had a surPeople suck, they just do. prising impact on my outlook. AlThis frustration is about as disthough I have encountered some of tressing to me as the madness ofbuthe most selfish and maddeningpeoreaucracy. I feel as exasperated by it as pIe here, overall, Imprinters have rewhen something can't get done be- . stored my faith in the goodness of cause form 63B line 27 was not filled people. .

The editor-in-chiefhas the problem of doing the first issue of each term on their own because the editorial board is elected only after that first issue. This is an awkward task for a new editor, and oneofmy first memories of Imprint was my astonishment and gratitude when I was met with a flood of enthusiastic volunteers willing to help with this first issue. Another memoiy I will carry with me concerns training new staff. Production riights are often frantic, chaotic and involve long tasks. It is a challengeto navigate all the editors and instruct all ofthe newbies in layout and editing. I found, however, that the Imprint office is a place where those newbies can inevitably ask the person next to them for help' and find that they are more than willing to come to their aid. I wouldbeafoolnottorecognizethe creativity, talentandexpetience that this

pool of volunteers possesses. It was obvious that I needed to leam from them and respect the environment that had encouraged this talent to flourish. Everything that Imprint has been . during my time here has everything to do with the wealth of talent that is our volunteers. I have had the privilege to workwith them and the newspaper has been lucky to draw on their creativity. Not only have you been wonderful to work with, but you· have changed the way I look at people. The little things people do don't get me down as much anymore. Some people are narrow-minded jerks, but .there are also people out there who work until the middle of the night on a project that they don't get paid for. Thank you Imprinters, I have leamed more from you than I ever

expected. editor@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Unsolicitedadvice about your. skivvies

I've been mulling and churning, tossing and turning (quite an· aerobic workout was had) over how to end my pathetically short stint as anImprintcolumnist. What sage wisdom could I pass on? What advice could I bequeath that you haven't heard a thousand times before or that you couldn't get from amotivational speaker or a really good fortune cookie? ('Your future is uncertain" novelty pastry always gets me.) Frankly, I could think of nothing pithy to say. So I reverted back to form, trolledthenewspapersdesperately,frantieally, doingwhatI'vedone for the past eightmonthswhen the bittersweetagony

of column deadline time rolls around and editors corne a knockin', brandishingtheir bigred pens, threatening to cut me (orworse.mywordlimit) and make the rivers ron red \vitb ink. I flirted \vith eJ,1:rapolating bogus lessons from the recently released departrnentofhealth's2004listofstrange • injuri.espresentedatBritain'semergency rooms - from lightning and canine nibbles, to themoreinterestingalligator bites, exposure to noise, vibration and, my personal favorite, 22 incidents of "ignition or melting of underwear" - . but in the end two other stories caught my eye. One involved the presence of avian fluin VietnamandNorthKoreaandthe other was about efforts to contain an AngolanoutbreakofMarbuxg,anebolalike disease. Though certain1yofinterest in their own rights, these stories got me thinkingaboutillnessinitsmany forms. Two of the most virulent diseases

IMPRINT UNIVERSfTY OF WATERLOO STUDENT NEWSPAPER

Editorial Staff Editor-in-chief, Laura Katsirdakis editor@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Incoming Editor-in-chief, Carla Sandham Assistant Editor, Tim Alamenciak Cover Editor, Kelley Dilkes" News Editor, Bianca Tong News Assistant, Rob Blom Opinion Editor, Jeff Anstett Opinion Assistant, Mark Johnson Features Editor, Darren Hutz Features Assistant, Tom Levesque Arts Editor, Dave George·Cosh Arts Assistant, Ian Blechschmidt Science Editor, Penny lMichelie Rorke Science Assistant, Michael L. Davenport Sports Editor, Sarah Allmendinger Sports Assistant, Dan Micak Photo Editor, Mohammed Jangda Photo Assistant, Kirill Levin

Friday, April 1, 2005 -

Tupperware,tiyou~

The first such disease is certainty. Novelist Frank Herbert was wrongFear isn't the mind-killer, certainty is. Becausewhilefearcancausepeopletodo illogical things, provoke fight-or-flight responses and simplify thoughtprocesses, certainty is much more insidious because it can stop.thought altogether. Once you're certain, once you've squeezed out every droplet of doubt, onceyou'reconvincedthatthere'snothingmore to knowabouta subject, once you've quashed even the smallest sliver

Vol. 27, No. 33

Student Life Centre 1116 UniversityofWaterloo Waterloo, ON N2L 3G1

Graphics Editor, Julian Apong Graphics Assistant, Hitoshi Murakami Web Editor, Bhavithra Aloysious Web Assistant, Andrew Dilts Systems Administrator, Javed Iqbal Sys. Admin. Assistant, vacant Lead Proofreader, Dean 'Whelton Proofreader, Ernie Lau Proofreader, Ruhan Rahman Proofreader, Kaitlin Ojamae Proofreader, Shauna Solomon Office Staff General manager, Catherine I\olger cathy.bolger@)mprint.uwaterloo.ca Advertising & production manager, Laurie Tigert-Dumas ' ads@imprint.uw,!terloo.ca Production Assistant, Jacqueline McKoy Advertising Assistant, Lauren Fox Distribution, Chris W~st $

aren't biological or airborne (though they can be spread through airwaves), but are just as effective atattacking our intellectual immune system, makingus 'Itulnerable to manipulation and Vl'orse, making us slaves to our O,\)\;'fl egos. These diseases are states ofmind that can shut down thought and tum people into mere containers - and not very interesting ones at that. Human

F:S19.884.7800 P:519.888.4048 imprint.uwatedoo.ca

Distribution, Angella Farr Volunteer co-ordinator, Kirika Bussell Board of Directors board@imprint.uwaterloo.ca President, Neal Moogk-Soulis Vice-president, Erin Gilmer Treasurer, vacant Secretary, Margie Mansell Staff liaison, Durshan Ganthan staff.liaison@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Production Staff Janice Gandhi,Joel Graydon, LauraHamrak, Leslie Haevens, Derek Martin, Claire Mousseau, Judy Wu, Simon Yarrow

Imprint is the official student newspaper of the University of Waterloo. It is an editorially independent l1ewspaper published by Imprint Publications, Waterloo, a corporation without share capital.

of a possibility that you may be wrong, thought is dead.

Sage advice #1: treat opinions like underwear . ~'hen fortning opinions, always follmy the same rules of thumb used for purchasing underwear - something sensible, not flashy and loud for the sake ofbeingcontroversial and with some wiggle room so it doesn't get wedged in so tightup your derriere that it's impossible to dislodge for closer examination (to see the laundering instructions,youunderstand).Andnever buy the first ones you see - shop ap:ound, see what's out there. Remember, opinions, like underwear, aren't one size fits allJust because your buddy prefers the mesh thong "the colour of the sea," doesn't mean it's the right choice foryou. And when you don't have enough information (what exactly is mohair?) or haven't thoughtit through try someInprint is a member of the Ontario Community Newspaper Association (OCNA). Editorial submissions may be considered for publication in any edition of Imprint. Imprint may also reproduce the material commercially in any fonnat or medium as part of the newspaper database, website or any other product derived from the newspaper. Those submitting editorial content, including articles, letters, photos and graphics, will grant Imprint first publication rights of their submitted material, and as such, agree not to submit the same work to any other publication or group until such time as the material has been distributed in an issue of Imprint, or Imprint declares their intent not to publish the material. The full text of this agreement is available upon request: Imprint does not guarantee to publish articles, photographs, letters or advertis-· ing. Material may not be published, at the discretion of Imprint, if that material is deemed to be libelous or in contravention with Imprinfs policies with· respect to our code of ethics and journalistic

. thing novel: go commando. Despite the royal decree that everyone musthave an opinion on every subject, even when they know next to nothing about it (''By the order of the King, from thi$ day forth. yc must stand upon ye soapbox and haranguepassersbywhetherye have sound logic ornay'')-rmhappy to report that that law has been revoked (the resolution passed 1OOto 50, strictly along party lj,nes). Finally, ti someone points out that there are holes in your underwear (or logic),checkandseetithey'reright. Ifthey are, considerchangingthose skivvies (or opinions). Never stop challenging the strengthofthefabric, testingtheveraci!y ofyour beliefs. As a considerate citizen, you should also help others locate holes in their unmentionables - but use discretion, it's asensitiveissue and some people don't !ike to be told See APATHY, page 13

standards.

Imprint is published every Ftiday during fall and winter tenns, and every second Friday during the spring tenn. Imprint reserves the right to screen, edit and refuse advertising. Imprint Publications is not responsible fur advertisng mistakes beyond the cost of the advertisement. One copy per customer. Imprint ISSN 0706-7380. Imprint CDN Pub :Mail J>nx!uct Sales Agreement no. 40065122.

Next staff meeting: Friday, April 1 12:30 p.m., SLC 1116,

Next production night: Wednesday, May 4, 2005 5:00 p.m., SLC 1116 Next board meeting: TBA

FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2005

AND HE'S THE STRAIGHT ONE?

The value of discussion outweighs the emotional drain

The WPIRG referendum exposed ills of which everyone in western society should be afraid: totalitarian rule, false democracy and the illusion of choice.Thatthosesuchthingslurkinademocratic environment as small as the UniversityofWaterloo's Federation ofStudents should be a warning that we must always monitor authority of any kind. As acolumnist,I have enjoyedraisingawareness and sparking debate about political problems. I do regret the personal attacks that originated from

both sides; I certainlythrewmy fairshare. Inthepast idle conservative thinkers with whom I have had eight months, I have been accused ofhaving poor , countless discussions: I encourage you to come ethics as a "journalist," been called a "confused out of the woodwork, write for Imprint, join a teenager" and been told I was "perpetuating culpolitical group or start your own. turalgenocide." The "official" conservativevoicemaynotalways Nonetheless, I hope the value of the discusappeal to you - Republicans, Conservatives and sion outweighed the emotional drain. In the such - but that should not invalidate your ideas. midst of it all, I found that for every person who All of that said, I have decided to move on to publicly floggedmetherewas anoth<;l:who agreed other adventures at Impm1t and elsewhere. I will with my position entirely. continue to do what I love - write - butitwill This column has given me a much greater not be in the form of a weekly political column. Since this is my final column, I have a few respect for politicians of all stripes. While I deal witha few letters to the editor, blogposts and oneloosely related things to say: on-one discussions, leaders ofprovinces and naItis alittle-known and perhaps a shocking fact tions must withstand daily scrutiny from an that' fellow columnist MarkJohnson and I actuuncountable number of sources. illy do agree most of the rime, barring those Armchair critics should consider trying more instances when he refers to "Alliance" Conservatives and his insistence that Parliament is sexier direct parricipation in the politicalprocess-itis more challenging than you might think. To the than women.

Itrnay be even more shocking that - believe it or not- I was actually a member of the youth wing of the Liberal Party during high school. My horns and trident are collecringdustin the closetbutIdosrillwearthemforspecialoccasions. ForRebeccaTemmer:litderight-wmggremlins are coming to get you. One of my friends, Josh Mutus and two other hecklers - Hillary Clinton and Mahattna Ghandi - have always asked to be mentioned in my column, so I am including them here. Another friend is president of the Taiwanese Students' Association. Given the excitement at the last TWSA hot pot, we think WPIRG's money should fund a gigantic, campus-wide hot pot. Lasdy,in a nod to the genius ofGeorge Orwell: BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING. talevesq@imprint,uwaterloo.ca

MCGinnis·

"'ARInO'W I tAlmplbnentsof r .I UL lin TI~' I Nf-Gi~is ow R

r I VIlli

160 University Ave. W., Watertoo, Ontario N2L 3E9 (519) 886-6490

•

• 160 UniveniIy Ave. W., W8IeIIoo, 0nIarI0 N2l. 3E9 (519) 886-6490

Valid on any regular priced

M6itlII...

entree of equal or lesser value

Monday -50 cent wings after 4p.m.

T1IeOCS Cuatom PC WCIIU tho way you do.

1Uesday -Half price appetizers

PcIWered." tho Intel" PentIum" .. Prot Isa Of wftb Iff TecIInoI . . . . . . . . . . dOtwotl1lngs81 once. tr.tho'$lMfl CIIotce .. ttelpyou~

Wednesday - $3.50 Burger and fries

",IIWIIIoMdmote.

lI.mlP'Drfr.do~Wfftereports,pIey

~fIUSIMl~PC$

Thriff8

~ -Pub Night -19+ after 9'p.m. 39 cent wings after 9p.m.

Friday -Mexicalla McGinnis Sefnrdty -Book your group of 10 or more & organizer eats free!

, • Orig;lIIIlor Veg Scramble

• ""-'

~~~

_ _ _ 6CP11s

·e_....... '--"'~&--'" -..-

3_11"'1&&~~

• CoulpIDnents of

• 9W!iII!Iet ...... " ....... .,.....

• MCGitllljs_

~608"""

•FtOiif1<OW I

•

• 160 UnIversity Ave. W. Waterloo, 0nIarI0 N2l. 3E9

Sunday -10 wings for $2.50

fmm$899 AcId 17"LCOfmm$S89 AcId 1lF' !.CO from $!i89

•

(519) 886-6490

*minimum beverage purchase on all deals, eat in only,

I Valid on any weekend

Email usatmcginnisJHIrties@yahoo.ca to get invited to exdusive parties &events!

•

ONWARD

• from 10,.m. ·2 p.m.

~~-~-

, ..

~"'4"'

... '" t _

FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2005

Parting is such sweet sorrow Thanks for nothing, Yes team I '

Is Chris Edey simply simple?

Standing at the end of the road, summing up my achievements

To the editor, To the editor,

This is a bigth::inks to the Yes team for wasting our time, ie, the No team, the Waterloo Public Interest Research Group (WPIRG) and each and every student at Waterloo regardless of their wPIRGstance, Thanks for botching/ throwing the referendum, something , that would have finally shut the doors on these simple-minded Yes team misguided views. What happened? Why didn't you simply follow the referendum rules? Couldn't get your weak point across without bending them? Did you get frightened oftheinevitable outcome - a very realistic No team landslide? This is ridiculous and narrow-sighted ofyou and yourimmaturecronies. Whatever the outcome of the WPIRG referendum, at least the issue would have been somewhat resolved (As unfairand prejudiced as the wh9le ordeal was is outside of the current point) But now I'm sure you will use this Yes teamejection from the referendum ever so dramatically as fuel for yet another misguiding quote (regarding the constantYes teamsubmissionon posters, etc. that the WPIRG fee is completely refundable) of''Unfaimess to the Yes team," to hastily spur on anQtbet uneducated referendum and to bImvanother roughly $3,000 of students money. Get your head out of your ass and wake up to living within a community that works together and guides each otherinsocially.l1Jibkactivitiesrather than removing humane organizations. But then again, maybe you.won't have time to get another referendum gping; pethapsyou'llhaveFrenchclasstoscurry off to.

With regard to Chris Edey's car-turkey article: is that man simple? Does he really think equalization payments are used as a vote-garnering tool? They are to a certain extent, yes. But to complain about Ontario investing Here I stand at the end of the road, in "have-not" provinces is just plain Imprinfs all-time longest serving colselfish. ,The Adantic provinces need umnist. With seven consecutive acthemo~eymore than any other region tive terms and over 120 printed pieces in Canada. That is an undisputable (that's second all-time), I (hope-' fact. They were angry when they were fully) graduate and wave goodbye to not given back their revenues from "our house." offshore oil and rightfully so: it had :rvfany of my opinions have been been promised to them. met with visible controversy on camWhy does Quebec get special stapus, often with backlash at me or tus? Aside from being the cultural and Imprint - yet I remained a consisthistoric centre of Canad~ and a sigrlifient aQd popular mains.tay in the cant economic force, Quebec has proopinion section of our newspaper. I ducedevery PM since 1968 (Campbell, am very proud of ,my accomplishTurner and Clark were never really PM ments in writing, the feats I have anyway). And if you want to discuss accomplished and the records that I Quebec separattng, guess what Dalton hold. depends on for a good portion of his Sounds impressive, doesn't it? , business?The St. Lawrence Waterway But consider the fact that when I - imagine the cash-cow it could bestarted my column, at least half the comeifasovereign Quebecwere to tax columns in Imprint at the time were all ships passing through? politically based (times never change I think Edey would start liking the I suppose). Realistically, my column idea of equalization payments coming in Imprint could have only been'refrom Alberta to help him. Edey needs approved for all those terms because • to forget compiaining about the federal people around the office liked me as government Iflhadmorespacein this a person or they saw nothing gravely letter, I could dissect his arguments and , wropgwithll}YcolumnlnQtbecause probably prove him to I>e simple.; • ,," '1 "" ~,,' ,', ,~\,,,,%tl~'" , Equalization payments are one of it was spectacular enough to stay in the things that makes Canada great: if you fall down, someone will pick you up. Recendy elected Brazilian da Silva promised his people three meals a day by the end of his tenn. I suggest .Edey move to Brazil; he won't have toworry about equalization payments or biCkering between provinces.

the newspaper despite other submissions which might have been better). After two or three terms, my column could have simply become commonplace, with people not really paying attention to why it should be ousted (let alone re~ding my articles at all). So in reality, those first two paragraphs I wrote were really inflated b. s. to make myselflook better than I really am. Looking closer at those paragraphs, you start to notice a few constructed exaggerations. By "popular mainstay" I mean people coming up to me saying "oh i read an article ofyours." By "controversy on campus" I mean drunken people at the Bomber telling me they don't agree with my opinions. By "Often with backlash at myself or Imprint," I mean a letter to the editor - in reality, I can count on one hand the total printed letters to the editor in response to my columns (in com~\~son, Tom Levesqqe or Mark Jamison can count on two hands

See LEGEND, page 14

Teach English Overseas

.............

ESL Tadter Traiairag Courses .~

• CIasNoIIl"" ___ Toct '11"" .DeaIIed ..... .......

......

• (, uti'll.... T4IIIIdIIar ......

.......... ofSICWW~

Oxford SemIMn 1-100-269·671' 14.""2....3240

wwv.,. Qxfordst?minat>. com

More LETTERS, page 13

BAB FLiEI

Over the decades, car insurance companies haven't exactly had a love affair with young

I don't think that's how "April Fool's" reotlyworks.

Are you ~cmplaining? Not in the slightest.

. , . CiaaraIIeH ......

- Michael McCubbin 3A environment and business

-Adam Houben 4B science

HITOSHI MURAKAMI

the letters to the editor about their articles in this tenn alone.)

drivers. Now that's about to change. Introiiucing EuyWay Insurance. We're here to help young people leave the "high risk" label in the rearview minor. If you're a responsible driver with a clean record, caU us for details. Or visit www.easywayirisurance.ca now.

FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2005

Apathy: renders one uninteresting

TALES FDM TIE SEX SIO'

Continued from page 9

Pomi\pin VidooRmtab

The only disease that renders a personlessinterestingthancertaintyisapathy. I know, I know, it's cool to not care (excuse me while I adjust my pocket protector and hike up my suspenders) but even self-importantindividuals,insufferablycertain ~bouteverything, holier-than-thou in every respect, thoroughly tedious to be around, are more alive than those afflicted with apathy. For there is no one so boring as the indifferent Sage Advice #2: Don't be bOring Curiousity might've killed the cat, but apathy makes androids of Us alL Youdon'thavetocareabouteverything butdude,careaboutsom_g!Itneedn't be high-minded oralttuistic-clothes, sports, cars, cartoons, whatever! (Incidentally,anyShe-RaorHe-Monfansinda house? Gumo/. Alvitt andthe Chipmunks? Anyone? Ahh,forgetit You damn kids with your Teletubbiesand your O.C, no sense of history ...) Get pasSionate about something. It's

PonlApm Video Rmtal$

}>omAlain

POItl Again

VidooRmtu

Video Rentu

tfie Scioolofapt..e"J WOIlJif~ to ti_(tie folTiYwiao spmuors for tim lijadSIIpport >

·llIdSllaser.:

tl)

If... s..sars: Alcon 8118 81C811 III'sllnlr QlIIZn8's ClasSic SUbs Zlhr's larkltS

NOVARTIS

INNOVA

1;;; t' , 1

livalBa. 1..lIIav 1111

ThaI. . . PIa PIt 115.1 I ... FI VIP'.....

"" 01

ful

,"1 i t '

SCltlalJank

-ws

laIIY IU8II1 lcD_'s lestaurants ladllS....1II PhlIhJ MeNasti'S lar and CdR

hard to see past classes and exams, but there is a larger world out there. Hopefully, whateveryoupick to bepassionate aboutwilliead tocuriousityaboutsomething greater (en route to the style or sports section/channel, maybe you'll flip pastsomethingaboutyourgovemment, your environment, the wider world). I'm the reigningempress ofexcuses, dame of doubt, czar of cynicism so I knowit'shardtobelieveinanythingand exhaustingtocare. But justbecause you disengage yourself from the goings on ofyour community, your country, your world, doesn't mean anyofitgoes away or that you don't have a stake in how things are and what's to come. Even whensomeoneas powerfulas thepresi-, dentofthe United States decides to stay 19norantofreality,realityeventuallywins out (reality tends to startweak but finish sttongin thefourthquarter). Sowhoare we,merecitizens,tolgnoreReality?We mayaswellgetin thegame,have alooksee. Let's review: be passionate about sensible undergarments - wait, that's not right Be curious - that's it Now to end this piece impressively but with minimal effort, I shall quote my ~tter: 'Thewholeproblemwith the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain ofthemselves, but wiser people so full of doubts." - Berttand Russell Ona personal note, 1'dlike to thank everyone forbeingsuchkindreceiversof my weekly exercises in self-indulgence. Columnwritingisagreatbutoddexperj.ence - unless you enrage, er, fIlOI·¥! people enough that they ",'lite letters to the editor, it's hard to gauge if anyone's actually reading. (Sadly, only Levesque and Johnson move readers. I merely nudge them.) Some weeks, your ego gets a little boost when someone sends you an email about something you wrote or llPpt:<Jaches you in person. (fellingly, they'say, ''Hey! I read you" rather than "I like your writing" which makes me wonder if they're trying to spare my feelings.) Other weeks, you have no idea if anyone's out there (I should hang Mulders poster above my desk: I mmtto believe). WhatI'mtryingtosay,inmytypically • verbose, meanderingway,is thatifover the last two terms I've written something you've enjoyed or chuckled over (even ifit was at my expense),great If not, <expletive removed> you, it was freetherapy. I feelprivilegedto havehadaplace to vent my frustrations, however uninformed and poorly reasoned they may have been. This column allowed scheduled cathartic public releases forwhat's normallyreservedfor heated private discussions among friends. To think, I used to live like an ani.ma4 subsisting purely on furiously shaking my fists at televisions and throttling newspapers. At the risk ofsounding acceptancespeech-like, I would like to thank my fellow Imprinters formuddlingthrough mygarbled verbiageweeklyand providing support - I'm very grateful. Oh, and I do apologize to those of you who've been the recipients ofmy aforementioned heated words and/or fists -truly, those black eyes were unintentional- for the most part. slywong@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

FRIDAY, APRIL 1,2005

Abortion a personal right! To the

editor;

I believe abortion should be a right, not a privilege. Who are wc to forbid others from making the dccision of not v,ranting to bring a new life to this world? Manywould argue thattheyshould have thought about this bcfore and simply avoid the inconvenience, however, \\,0111OO'tit be a biggerinconvenience to bring to Earth an unwanted liferSome would say the baby did not ask to be born and therefore should nothaveits chance to live taken a'\vay by dlC ones who brought it, however ha \'C you ever considered the possibilthat being better off not

programs and services similar to those in countries like Germany and the Netherlands. Both those countrics have the lowest abortion rates in the world at7.6 and 6.9per 1 ,000 births yet they provide lU1resulci:ed access to abortion services. In contrast, the U.S. has about 22. 9 abortions per 1,000 birtllS, about three times the rateofGemmny and The Netherlands. It may not be a perfect solution, however, I'm sure itwill result in fevier abortions than sitting around and debatingwhethet a 7ygote is whole, alive, gene6cally distinct and human.

Chal! ULVailfflltl!IS

Johnson makes no sense

To tbt' edilOl; of your religion or personal beliefs) \villalways stalldagainst censorship, \Ve should responsibly respect each other's will and never forbid their actions. After aU, we all make mistakes and tl1e biggest mistake '\vould be to not let us correct them.

---- /-1ntuliioHaido, I r. -1.1.

Thanks for Dietrich article

iust 'Nanted to thank Jeff Anstett's 1)8.rrcr; \[1ke

Dietrich's shuw at the Grall H.ouse on St. Pat.rick's Day ("Grad House plays host to some serious chill-out music" :t-.hreh25,2004). 1, too, was at the show and was surprised that I'd never heard ofhim bdf)1-e. Ilonestly, Mike's probably the best kept secret in the K-\YJ music scene. It's great to see musie and performance be funny and loose on this uptight campus of ours. Mazeltof, gentlemen!

Abortion debate wastes time To

I find it necessary to point out that there arc a whole lot of statements in nhrk .Tohnson's most recent article that don't make very much sense. This is, of course, in addition to his unfortunate tendency to make ridiculously broad general~ations and radically oversimplifY complex social and moral issues. I trust that Johnson'S overall tone of condescension tm,vards those who might disabrreewith him, particularly as demonstrated by his rampant misuse of theoll!lfl!l(;flt!tllJ adhominem fallacy, are too obvious to tequire further mention here. On second thought, allo-w me to

miration for mass murderers (fuck you buddy), among many others. Also, equa6ng "spanking" with "beating children" is fairly misguided whether you think spanking is appropriate or not. I suppose Johnson'S ability to selectively cite Bible passa!:,l'Cs that will aid his argument is a little bit admirable, but only a little bit. Lastly, at the risk of being overly controversial, I do think that Johnson would be rather hard--pressed to come up with any sort of factual evidence equating the legalization of gay marriagnvith "dlecreation ofthousands of loving families." That's all for now. Thanks a lot.

iii!'

--- 1\.1"j(/Jael r ~anOOJll'tUl The debate on abortion between the LT\I,.' Society and tlltc 1.,,\,\'

J/!Idils

College Pro :;;;;: awful employer

\\'e can argue 'til the cows come home on why abortion is right or do we actually accomplish anything? \'Could banning abor6on solve the problem? /\1: the end of the day, you still haH~ women wid1 un\vanted pregnancies. The Alan Guttmacher Institute, a highly respected statis6cs group in the area ofabortion, has conducted several studies \vhich indicated that countries which outlawed abortion experienced a large number of illegal abortions. Like the drug problems our society faces, making abortions illegal is not going to solve the problem. A more effective solution is to provide comprehensive sex education

In last week's I was shocked and appalled to see an adver6sement for the worst company I have ever worked if)f, College Pro. I respect the company's right to advertise; ho\\:cyer, I feel students should have the opportunity to bear the other side of the story. From my personal cxperience, Col-lege Pro is the worst example of an employer that students and their labour. This is no accident and is an integral part of the system College Pro uses to pay their workers. Although it claims to pay $8 an hour and up, what does this actually mean? For each job your manager does an estirnate tben signs a contract

\"ith tbe homeowner t,~at determines for how many estin1ated hours you will be paid. \'\'hat if your manager makes a mistake or sets an impossible goal? You have no choice! The number of hours in the estimate is what you will be paid, even if the job takes more time. What about their supposed bonus system? Again the system is rig-.ged. You must com plete 40 estimated hours in two consecutive weeks, as \Vell as work overtime doingdoor-to-door soliciting in order to get a raise. Thus, it was not uncommon for me to \vork consecutive 60·-hour workweeks. I am a dutiful and diligent worker but not once could 1 meet the conditions for a raise in my three rno11th5 working for them. \\,'orker exploitation and unfair wages are no laughing matter. message to students is: save your rime, save your money, save vout SU111mer -- don't work for College Pro.

and heart that was presen t throughout. Ata university, students often have too many outside cornmitments or are not interes ted in devoting time to 011 cam· pus issues. These students ·willingly gave their time in an effort to better the university. At the end of the referendum, I arn not as concerned with whatl didn't like about it as I am\,ithhowexeitingitwas to see each side ourin full f()fce. \\'PIRG should be extremely proud of its volunteers .--- I know I am. As well, even If YOU disagree \vith the Yes campaign, please recogni7e the amount of tin1e and energy tbat went into It. \\'hether or not you support die recent \'{'PIRG referendum, please acknowledge that there i, a group of students ,1.,ho care enough about you and your campus ro tl1Cir time to campaigning. Thanks to both sides of the referendum; I appreciate your lune and effort.

---- J,1a! Ihm} Piggott IBERS

hOIlO!!fT

Diebo/t sodology

Disqualification ridiculous!

the Federation of Students advocating a particular position, despite its claims to represent all students. The "dignity" \ve111' out the window after 70+ posters for the Yes side were torn down ostensibly Wl)IRG supporters and no action was taken. The campaign -- by \'CPIRG supporters _ ... to continue with the refer-endum immediately following the decision of the referendum commit· tee also 5ho\\-, that said committee has no respect for "the student voters," '\vho seem to want this referendurn verI' luuch. As already stated, the Federation of Students deserves no respect. Fin;illy, Brandon Sweetha~ alreadv proven himselfan incompetent electof81 officer at best. \x;,ords cannot describe the £lILy I fcd at this absolutely ridiculous outcome. The Federation of Students is a worthless body of t10tsam ---- we should invite tile university to take uver: it can't po,sibly do any worse .

--- Gratzt 2Bmts

Congrats to both sides! To tbe

More LETTERS, page '14

To the editor, \\i1Ule the recent WPIRG refcrendulTl was highly c()ntrovel'sia~ there are some areas that can be appreciated. \\'hathas made me extremely proud in the past few weeks has been Ibe amount of

The actions of the Feds Referendum Committee are a dis!:,rrace to the entire Uniyersity of \Vatetloo and further proves the irrelevance of the Federation of Students as a whole as it obviously cannot represent the entire stu--

on buth sides of the refctendurn. \'Vbile I don't support negative campaign tactics that were used by bOtll sides, I strongly support the passion

of 311 ts the ridiculous statements the curnmlttee has made in disqualifying the Yes team. The "fairness" was jeopardized by

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••I

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

465 PHILLIP STREET LOCATION ONLY LIMITED TIME OFFER

a ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2005

Letter writer misinformed

To the editor, Itdisttessedmeto readJustin:Mamone's misinfonned letter about Waterloo Environmental Studies Endowment Fund Writingletterstotheeditorshould be a process where facts support one's opinion. Any opinion based on misconceptions and "non-facts" onlyserves to hann both sides. On behalf of the WESEF Board, I would like to address some of the issues that Justin raised The bird feeder proposal was made outside ofthe call for proposal period. I attempted to e-mail the person making

the proposal to invite him to resubmit, but his e-mail address bounced. With the incomplete contactinforrnation on the proposal, I was unable to contact him through other channels. It is incumbent upon the person making the proposal to fillin their contactinforrnation correctly. As any other endowment fund at UW will attest, fundingcannotbegivenoutiftheapplicant cannot be contacted. As for other proposals that were not approved, they did not meet the criteria set forth for WESEF proposals. Ifwe had a million proposals that did not meet these criteria, allofthemwould have beenrejected for this same reason. Itisnotanumbers

game, despite the writer's attempt to make it into one. All student-run faculty endowment foundations at UW work to enhance their students' education. Within the environmental studies faculty, WESEF bothimproves and enhances the quality of education available to students. Upgraded monitors, faster computers and printing facilities in the computer labs have improved student productivity. GPS equipment, workshop machinery and tools, and numerous audio/video equipment have enhanced education by not only allowing quicker and more precise completion of tasks, but also allow-

ing for the execution of new and innovative ideas that would not otherwise be possible. These purchases are almost always funded wholly or in part by WESEF. A list of these purchases can be found at www.fes.uwaterloo.ca/studentlife/ wesef/WESEF%20Purchases.htm. With extteme funding difficulties facing all departments and the oudook for increased government looking extremely bleak, endowment funds provide the best avenue for students to direct funding to areas where theyfeelit

best serves them. If this does not persuadeyouaboutthebenefitsofWESEF, then I invite you, Justin, to submit a proposal thatwill benefit the students of environmental studies or fill one of WESEFs many volunteer opportunities in the upcomingtenn. Ratherthan complaining, participate and I guarantee you will gain a new perspective on benefits ofWESEF within our faculty.

- Jason Tsang 4Aplanning WESEF vice-chair

Legend: A massive contributor Continued from page 11

• Sf 1'11' I'rIcdce EDms • fNe bpeat PCllq - ...... t _ _ ~ - ~ of SiId6:4 SftIdeItu

Oxford Semlnan 1-800-2691719 416..,2+3240

The pointis that those paragraphs made me look good, no matter how exaggerated they now seem. Note that I never lied, I simply left out details I didn't want you to know, used words that will stereotypicallyled you to agree with what I'm saying (such as "often," ''visible'' and "popular mainstay") and added facts that painted a certain positive picture ofmyself that I wanted to convey. How do you ftnd a job? There's your answer, whether for co-op or in the real world

It has been a pleasure, UW. To answer some ofthe reoccurringquestions I get: yes, I did actually catch two people having sex at the Dana Porter. Yes, I did "pick up" on RideSafe once and I really do think it's a good way to meet new people. The best interview I have conducted thus far was with Geese Ausbie of the Harlem Globetrotters (their stories are trulyinspirational). Yes, those parking tricks do work, but they've probably caught on to a lot of them by now. I still haven't taken a sip of alcohol and I still don't get extra onions on my burritos at Taco Bell. I hopeyou enjoy<;d even one ofmy columns in the past two and a half years. Now I am off to take my own job advice in the "real world." aocal@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Autism and Behavioural Science Over recent decades, the incidence of autism has been escalat~ ing. It is now estimated that three to five children in every one · thousand are affected. In Ontario, there is an urgent need for skilled practitioners to provide programming for these children.

Become an Intensive BehavIour Intervention SpecialiSt. Beginning faU 2005, St. lawrence College, Kingston Is offering a post diploma/post degree one-year (two semesters) certificate program in Autism and Behavioural Science. The provincial goal is to have at least 80 trained Instructor Therapists by April 2006 and at least 180 by 2009. Opportunities for graduates include: • Instructor Therapists for regional providers of the preschool program • Private providers of Intensive Behaviour Intervention (IBI) therapy to families under the supervision of regional providers of the preschool program • Autism specialists in service agencies • Employment with school boards for delivery of programs for children with autism

Do you want to make a difference to autistic children? Do you have a community service program diploma or a degree in social science? for more information on this program or others, call Recruitment at 1-800-463-0752, email liaison@sI.on.ca or visit our website at www.sl.on.ca This Ontario College Certificate program in Autism and Behavioural Science was made possible by a grant from the Ministry of Training, Colleges and Universities.

'\Ii

v ',sJ.on Ga

2005 April 4. - 7, Davis Centre The University of Waterloo "Sharing Discovery" Graduate Student Research Conference, the largest in Canada, is in its fifth year. The Conference showcases graduate student research and highlights emerging trends and discoveries in a wide range of disciplines. This year there will be over 200 doctoral and master's students from 6 faculties giving oral or poster presentations under the theme areas of Social Sciences and Humanities and Science and Technology. The Conference welcomes Stephen Lewis, Special UN Envoy for Aids and recipient of the Pearson Peace Medal, as the Keynote Speaker. This year's agenda also includes a panel discussion on "Mentoring and Graduate Supervision" featuring a presentation by Dr. David Malloy, Associate Dean of the Faculty of Graduate Studies and Reseach at the University of Regina. "The Conference showcases the extremely high quality and great diversity of graduate studies at the University of Waterloo. It's a pleasure and a privHege for me to be involved, and I would certainly encourage anyone with an interest in emerging research to come out and experience first-hand some of the exciting achievements of our future academic, busln&ss and pOlicy leaders." said Dr. Bill Power, Conference Chair and Associate Dean of Graduate Studies. The Conference has been organized since inception in 2000 by the Office of the Dean of Graduate Studies, who in cooperation with graduate students, have continued the tradition of excellence at the University of Waterloo.

KEYNOTE SPEAKER

,~'

PANEL DISCUSSION

Stephen Lewis

Dr. David Malloy (University of Regina)

"Academic Research: Impact in the Global

"Mentoring and Graduate Supervision"

Community"

THURSDAY,APKIL 7,2005 1:00 to 3:00 p.m. Davis Centre, room 1302

MONDAY,APKIL 4,2005 2:00 to 4:00 p.m. Davis Centre, room 1350 Stephen Lewis is one of Canada's most influential c0mmentators on social affairs, international development and human rights. He was recently named Maclean's Canadian of the Year and awarded the Pearson Peace Medal for his outstanding achievements in the field of international service and understanding.

St. Lawrence Colleg~ Visit tiS nnllne at '

GRADUATE STUDENT RESEARCH CONFERENCE

He will lead the panel discussion on Mentoring and Graduate Supervision by presenting the concept of mentoring within the framework of a graduate student-supervisor relationship. The importance of mentoring and its elements within this relationship will be described. He will also detail some of the suggested strategies for a successful graduate student/supervisor mentoring relationship.

2005

The question is, do you farm mates or hunt them?

Sometimes I'll be sitting in a physics lecture and the prof will draw on the board (or try to, because mos t physics profs lack artistic melit). The prof may draw a sphere, lines representing forces and give them all names. Then the prof "rill sometimes say smugly, "There. We have names for everyIf we were biologbtswewould say we're done.'" I myself have more respect for the people in softel' sciences;ifs difficult to come up with meaningful distinctions and categorizations that aren't utter bullshit. This isn't helped any by people in academia whopNrpOJ'!;firlly spout bullshit in order to make themselves appear smarter than they actually are, \vith most people smiling and nodding because the person sOIIm/s intelligent. Call it the .Neul Ck,tllf;J of academic lik myself ",1]1 jour.. ney this week inm this dangerous territory ofunquantifyable categorization. Tell me if I'm naked, okay? I've noticed that ,vith regards to there seem to be two different mindscts held by university sUldems. stereo typically goes to the Bomber and drinks "v.-hole lot. The environment in the bar becomes very social. Random people talk to ran· dom people and the lucky ones will have some stranger's phone number at the end of the night. The luckier

IvIe: \Vhy don't](;t! dare her? Dude: I woulcL'1't want to lose her as a friend. Al'gh. \X'hile 1 know full well that over half of YOll probably sympathize v;,j,th Dude's stock sentinlents, this is the point in the conversation where I usually start banging my head against the table. Farmers don't tend to have this problem. A strong friendship before a relationship combined with not being a petty asshole during breakup ensures continued friendship after the relationship. To me, that whole "she's awesome but I wouldn't date her because she's my friend" logic seems perverse. Actually, both paradigms have strengths and weaknesses. Hunters tend to have a lot of flings or perhaps "friends with benefits" (I think we can all agree that is not the same thing as dating), but this easily leads to, ahem, sricky social situations. CLAIRE MOUSSEAU Farmers such as myself tend to have stronger relationships, it tends to be with some- tionships but have them more infreone tiley know already, in some cases quendy. The result is I end up sleeping someone they've been friends "'>1,h for alone most nights. Noneofthisls t(~ say that there's no year~.1bcyhavccultivated thcirfriend.. ship to the point whel:e they see the middle ground, that a hunter won't other as suitable for long-term dating. end up dating a friend or that a farmer won't get trashed and do something J call these people "fanners." AU of the social phenomenon I've he or she will end up regretting the next moming. But these events are all talked abouttbis year, the faux "stalking," the quantum dating, somewhat acciclental- even though socioelectronegativity - these apply they happen, they aren't a part of the person's rnindset. Besides, I'm a phys·· to bot11groups. The difference isn'tin the things people do but the context ies student -- while we frown on tbey do them in. There seems to be a arbitrary categorization, we do get to whole rnindset, a paradigm ifyou will, cry "anomaly!" and ignore data ',ve behind th<:se two different methods don't like. \1<;'hat about you? Do you farm or of becoming un-single. Dude: She's great! She makes me hunt your mates? laugh and I really enjoy hang-ing out mdavenport@imprint.uw8terioo.ca ,vith her. I hope she finds a nice guy.

ones \'/111 end the night with the taste ofsomeone else's spearminttlavoured lip. gloss on their mouths. The luckiest ones will get lip-gloss on their ... Let's not go there. In any case, I call these people "hunters." The second group doesn't go out to pick up at all. This isn't necessarily because of fear of rejection--if"fear of rejection" permeated this campus half of us wouldn't be iII co-op. It's just because these people aren't interested in Ms. Random McFlirtypants. When they do develop romantic rda-

• council Le etimate representation In

I was interested in Andrew Dilts' am-· de on dle stance of the Federation of St'tldents Council support of the W'PIRG No campaign. In his article, Dilts brought up an interesting issue regarding legitimate representation of councillors in arts. There exists a disconnection between the Feds councillors and their soeieties/ facu16es. That is undeni able. Having said that, Steven Hayle was visible at ASU council in the Fall term and Paul Lehmann has been active in council this wimer term. Lehman did bring up the issue of the referendum in a council meeting dur.. ing his roundtable update. Hayle and Lehman, I thank you for setting tin1e in touch and represent aside to

your constituents with some degree oflegitimacy. The broad issue here is why we only have hacl one councillor a term present at: council meetings, argnably, where the best contact with constiulents is available. Understandably, dass schedules and the on-goings of life get in the way, but making a commitmcnt to represent a faculty should be taken seriously and performed accordingly. I thank Dilts for bringing public attention to what has been an issue in the Arts Student Union fora while. This has been a problem for a significant time and needs to be addressed. Next year, Hayle will be sirtingon the ASU executive, which I am sure "vill improve communication bet\>;een councillors and the societies. However, this is a temporary' patch that does not address the core issue of constituency consultation. Perhaps the long-term solution for this issue lies in a Feds council reform or in chang-ing the nature of the rdali.on

ship between councillors and their societies / faculties. Council reform is a controversial topic and will be fur .. ther discussed tIus year, guaranteed. To sum up, I want to thank Dilts for finally bringing public attention to the fact that the current relationship between societies and councillors is inefficient. As previously stated, the two coun·cillors that were active within the ASU this year, Lehmann and Bavle, deserve credit for their involvement but work needs to be directed towards making councillors more accountable and to improve communication hetween them and their respective societies. All those interested in further dis .. cussing this please contact me at howiebender@holmaiLcol1l. I look forward to councillors and students feedback. -

Howie Bender

Arts Student Union president Vice-president-elect education

- ONE DAY ONLY--

Humanities Theatre Thursday, April 7;

Casting for 3 female, 4 male, 1 male improvisational keyboard player with a penchant for drama.

Rehearsals and Show Times August 15 to September 9 inclusive

THIS IS A PAYING GIG!

~~----

---~,

'WaterlOO

Fast & Free I Delivery.

r'02 King St., N.

1884.. 8000

!~$16.99 ~OdZ!~~rge I

Great Pizzas

3 Fabulous 1bppings on each I

L __

-=-_-= ___ Add~ Ib.~ings forJ2:99 _-1

Super Bla

uster

• 3 Great Pizzas Medium I : 3 Fabulous Toppings on each Large I 3 Free Dipping Sauces X-Large ~--------------------~

$24.99 : $27 11199 •

: Early Bird I I

$21 49 X-Large$24111149 L

large

II1II

pecial

2 Great Pizzas, I

3 Fabulous Toppings I

lb. Chicken Wings I 1 Garlic Bread, 4 Cans of Pepsi I 1

--------------, ..1'

www.twicethedealpizza.com

_1!!lI!IiII!i _ _ - ' _ _ _

!I!il!i!m _ _ _

mm_~_~~mta~

TpUI" arts@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Is". "&11/ -1111818

Knocking up the K-W indie music scene David George-Cosh and Tun Alamenciak IMPRINT STAFF

Knock Knock Ginger is a KW-bred indie-pop band that's raising the eyebrows of the local scene. Guitarist Matt Charters and lead singer Milosz Sikora were kind enough to answer a few of Imprinls questions via e-mail.

Smiths were probably the biggestinfluenceswhen it comes tolytics. Theyreallybroughtmeoutofthat teen angstyall-about-me-and-my-life context that everyone writes about when they first start. They opened up my mind to writing about things out ofmy own frame ofreference. Charters: I think because each member of the band writes their own parts, each member brings some oftheir own influences to each songs. Obviously l'v1ilosz's influences come through a little more, being the songwriter, but I think ours are there as well

Imprint: How didyou come up withyO/IT" name? Sikora: The naming process was probably tQe toughest week ofbeing in this band, to tell you the truth. I was in a band before this where we were constantlygettingournamemisspelledin the most unpredictable ways. So for this one, I was trying to find something cool but also a name that couldn't be misspelled by most people. Knock Knock Ginger was actually suggested by one of Matt's friends from Winnipeg. He apparently thought it wouldbeextremel.yfunnytonameitKnockKnock Ginger since thatis what they call nicky nicky nine doors over there. Fortunately for him we were so sick ofnames by this point that it actually sounded good and we chose it. Plus I like the Ginger in the name. Makes it sound feminine and I wanted this to be a sensitive band.

Sikora: I think the theremin is such a unique instrument that you really have to use it spatingly. Unlike aguitarthatdoesn'treally sound outofplace anywhere on a song, the theremin and trumpet, and cello, etc) stands out a lot so you really have to watch when and how often you employ it. We get a lot of attention because of the theremin and the trumpet and I'd hate for it to overshadow the songs themselves. We don't wanna be know as "that band with the theremin." Plus I think one of the marks of a great band is to not use all your instruments all the time.

Whdt kind ofi1ifluenc£s do you feel riflectyour music?

How difficult has it been integrating in the local sc£ne?

Sikora: I was once told that what you write shouldbea sum ofyour record collection. Ibelieve in thatassessment. So I think everything I listen to affects my songwritingin someway. Whether it's themusicitseU:orthelyticsorthewayIsing.IcOuld tell you all the bands I want to sound like but it doesn't work like that. 1 think Radiohead and the whole Britpop movement was a big influence on me when 1was a teen, so thatwill always be there. The Decemberists, Belle and Sebastian and the

Chatters: Notverydifficultatall I've beengoing to shows in town as long as I've known about themhappeoing, andwe've been lucky enough to meet people around towiI who have been willing to give us a chance to play some awesome shows.

W0' don'tyou lISe the theremin more?

W0' didyou inc!mIe strings andpiano onyottr reC£nt live shows? Does this indicate a change inyottr srm!)Priting or music? Sikora: No, I don'tthinkitindicates a change in

KNOCK KNOCK GINGER

Knock Knock Ginger (and their cat) are experts at partying down. the songwritingitsel£ I thinkit'sactuallythe band What areyottr.foture plans for KKG? becoming what it's supposed to be. The songs have always neededextrainsttumentation butuntil recently, thecoregroupofusweregettingcomfortable playing the simple guitar-bass-drums setup. Then it was the convergence of us playing well togetherandplanningsomerecordingwbichmade us go searching for sorneextta,pJayets to fill in the sound. " Wewererehearsingournew song, "Looks and Books," afewweeks ago andabouthalfwaythrough I remember stopping and saying ''we really need some piano." So I think the need has always been there, butwe'vejust finallygotten over our laziness and found some people to join the show.

Charters:Mydreamas far as beingina band has always been to release a recording and then maybe do alittle tour out to the Eastcoast and back. We're planning to record in May, so ifwe tour after that I think I'd be able to give it all up ifl had to and still be happy with what I'd accomplished. Knock Knock Ginger will be playing at The Ford PlantinBrantfordonApril8,and atStarlight on May 4. Check out their website at www.knockknockginger.comformoredetails. dgeorgec@imprint.uwaterloo.ca talamen@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Advice for getting the most out of movie-watching

Ladies and gendemen of the winter class of '05: Watch different types of movies. If! could offer you only one tip for the future, cinema would be it. The benefits of storytell-

ing have been proved by sociologists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of children's films. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of children's films until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at kid's movies and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay in them and how fabulous they really

looked. You are not af impatient as you imagine. Don't worry about scratched DVDs. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real home-entertainment troubles are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday. Watch one movie every year that scares you. Write.

Don't be reckless with other people's movie choices. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours. Criticize. Don't waste your time on movies with bad trailers. Sometimes you'll cringe, sometimes you won't. There's always lots to see and, in the end, you can always just read a book.

See MOVIES, page 20

w:~lt1swel:S to arts@imptint.uwaterloo.ca before

fora chance to win five free CDs.

tmswers: 1. BillY Corgan. 2. The Quarrymen, the Silver • Viola. 4. "Smash it Up". 5. Great use ofthemes and the ojclassicfilm composers like Korngold. And The Force, don't

The Force.

FRIDAY. APRIL 1, 2005

Mixtape tnadness: this is the end, my only friend, the end...

~Il

PRINCESS TWIN \\ATFRl :)0

KII'JG Sf 1\

upro\\~~

80m inID BroIheIs (PG) Today-Wed 7:00, Fr-Sun 3:00 & 5:00

Bride & Prejudice (6) Tonight-Thurs 6:4? & 9:10

Dave and Ian say "so long David George-CosH and Ian Blechschmidt IMPRINT STAFF

As arts editors for Imprintwe've experienced a lot. Ian finally landed that dream job in the.Bahamas oiling up Russian supermodels and Dave got married to a wonderful lady (and by lady, wemean engineering-the ring's on his left pinky). So as both editors move on toward their new lives of bliss andlor agony, we'd like to send offourlastmixtapetogetheras a compilation ofour favourite songs. Songs th.at helped define our university career, songs that brought joy and sadness, songs that brought hope. Hope that one day, dear reader, you might stumble across these songs and remember the two sexiest arts editors of all time.

and thanks for the memories"

a song that is heavily influenced by the Stones and other bands in the '70s that liked to smoke five packs a day and gargle sour whiskey. Great minds do think alike.

Retumofthe Liar-Rocket From The Crypt Have you ever been dumped? I have. Ever sit around thinking that maybe she was lying to you all along? Well, if there's smoke, there's fire. And come to think of it, a lot of my exes are liars. So Rocket From The Crypt gives us the perfect song to get over her, albdtbriefly.

In the Lost and Found - Elliott Smith Elliott Smith is a genius and there's nothing that anyone can say which would convince me otherwise.

Dave's picks \

In The FadeQueens of the Stone Age QOTSA is one of my much-loved bands and proof of that might have spilled into Impritlt

on severuoccasions. This song is undoubtedly a favourite of mine as it combines the gruffvocals ofMark Lanegan coupled with the sweet and , tender lyrical content that only a band like QOTSA can make. No matter what mood I'm in, the chorus' constant refrain, "Live till you die, I know," will always put me into a good mood. A song that will definitely stay with me as I grow up into a, you know, adult.

Buckingham Green - Ween Holy mother of pearl, do I love Ween: After spending five years h~re, I think I might be the only one who appreciates the demented brilliance of the brothers with different mothers. Anyways, this number off The Mollusk is a perfect example of why you should be a Ween fan - the lyrics aren't self-indulgent, the melody is pure rock and roll and it's got the best guitar solo I've ever heard (save for "Free bird',). Side note: I actually visited the real ''Buckingham Green," located near New Hope, P A. It's a strip mall. Yeah, no kidding.

MessagetoMine-MarkLanegan Okay, so I've got a hetero-hardon for Mark Lanegan's music. But can you blame me? There's something so appealing about a guy who sounds like he smokes five packs a day while gargling sour whiskey. Accompanied bya backing band that reads like a who's-who of modem rock,Lanegan's simplistic approach to music works remarkably well with

There are a lot of his songs that I've grown attached to but none have been able to touch me like this song. Being the sweet and sentimental gUy that I've become over the past while, I need to hear more songs as honest and gende as this one. Whenever I hear this song, it makes me want to spoon with someone - . but only if I'm on the inside.

Granted, part of the appeal of this song is nostalgia for the good 01' days before I had to start paying my own bills, butwho doesn't need a reminder once in a while ofdays gone by? At any rate, "Bullet With Butterfly Wings" started my love affair with hard rock, and few loves stand out like your first love.

Smells Like Teen Spirit Nirvana Though I didn't get into Nirvafla until about eight years after the death of Kurt Cobain, this song still stands out as the icon of the era in which I cut my teeth as a music listener, composer and all-around music nerd. It's also my favourite example of how music can be both popular and critically acclaimed. Nowadays, my favourite bands from Radiohead to The Killers share the distinction ofbeingintelligentami accessible, and "Smells Like Teen Spirit" is the song that taught me that music can be both. Fewriffs bring a crowd together like its openingguitar lick-no matter who you a.(e or what your' preferenceinmusicis, this song makes you want to jump around a whole lot, both in the club and at home in the kitchen.

Midi Surf Markets

The Mad Capsule

This song is a constant reminder there is music, to be enjoyed that exists outside of one's normal scope of interest or experience. Japanesehardcore-techno~punk doesn't sound like something thatI, or anyone else for that matter, would be all that interested in, but "Midi Surf' Ian's picks . remains at the top of my "all-timefavourites" list. Self-Esteem - The Offspring OSC-DIS, the album on which If it wasn't for this song, this ' "Midi Surf' was released, also hapalbum and this band, I would be a pens to be one of the first CDs I ever techno-head. The Offspringwas my reviewed for Imprint - three years first real rock band, and every time I and over 100 articles later, it's a fond . hear this song I thank my lucky stars reminder 'of how it all began. that it came along when it did and saved me from developing a taste in Everything Louder Than Everymusic that didn't expand past my thing Else - Meatloaf DanceMix tape. Growing up with This song reminds me of family the she~r, unadulterated ''Youth Enski trips 'from my childhood. It also ergy" of the Offspring taught me reminds me that "a wasted youth is how to rock out, and to this day, better by far than a wisely productive whenevet I need a good rock-out, I old age," something that no univerpull out my Offspring CD. sity student can afford to forget. If your university experience is supBulletWithButterllyWings-The posed to bring new perspective to Smashing Pumpkins everything in your life that came beThis song essentially defined my fore, this song is a perfect analogy'taste in music from Grade 11 oneven though I've been listening to it wards. Does it have anmemic, dra- .since I was about nine years old, as matic hard-rock guitars? D~s ithave my tastes and preferences change, I complex, angsty lyrics? Does it start still Hnd new reasons to love it. with the phrase ''The world is a vampire?" Then it is not ''Bullet With dgeorgec@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Butterfly Wings" and hence, it sucks. ianb@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Hotel Rwanda(14A)

-lisa Schwarzbaum. ENTERTAINMENTWEEKLV

The IncredIbIes (PG) Tonight-Sun 2:30 & 4:45

****

Tonight-Wed 9:30, Thurs 9:30

• NOW

ORIGINAL PRINCESS t'

Ohl"JSES;:, C:;1 ,\'

Sideways

,.Jpr~)'/d~

"A HAUNTING, BEAUTIFUL FILM"

\\/HLRl 00

(18A)

****

Today & Sun 4:15, Sat 1:45

Hotel Rwanda

(14A)

• EYE WEEKLY

Wed-Thurs 7:00

2005 WaterWalker Film Fest

(PG) Tonight-Sun 7:00

Nobodv Knows

(G)

Tonight-Sat 9:30, Sun 4:15, Mon-Tues 7:00, Wed 9:05

Immortel Ad VItam

(14A)

Sun-lues 9:30

-Geotf I'ovo!o •TOftONTO STAll

"A HARROWING, TENDER FILM ... INSPIRED

"WITH NQ800Y ~... KORE-EDA CONFIRMS HIS STATUSASA WORLD-CLASS FILMMAKER."

Game OVer: Kasparov and the Machine (G) Wed 7:00, Thurs 9:00

Indie 05 Amateur Rim l=_otIVl.I_

BY A REAL EVENT." • A.a. Scott. NYTIMES

• V.A. Musetta. NEWYORK POST

a film by Kore-eda Hirokazu

Knows

(PG) ThUrs 7:00. Tickets $ 4

www.princesscinemas.com 24Hr Rim Hotline: 885-2950

PIiIffaJS MfJfIIE A/JMIJSIDIIS IWNIMIIE AT TIlE fIW RIIt1«IY IJIJK

K .JODS

COLLEG~

PRO PAINTERS is presently looking for responsible/hardworking university or college students for: Part-time Marketing Positions (March/April) Full-time Painting Positions (May to August) ,..., no experience required ,...,

Positions available throughout Ontario. N interested call...

1·888·.77·9787 or apply online at ,www ro.com

lay,.. airfare and i .......ncefl to E• ..,. .... the BEST price and pi ALL this stuff tor '

,t ....

FREEl

The job of finding a job:

As a student, you may not have a e

how to succeed

Whether you're about to graduate or looking for a summe,r position, finding the right job can 00 challenging. You can up your odds路 of success by taking time at the beginning of youI' job hunt to think about what you want and tben prepare everything you need to get it

Where do I startt

lot of work experience. But you can leverage school projects, part lime or summer jobs and internships to illustrate your

skills and accomplishments. Rather than focus solely on work

experience in your resume, also emphasize the top thf(!e skills , you've acquired tll.lf sho\.y why you're the ideal candidate.

The job search process should begin with understandins ,-mat kinds of positio(ls . Take the time to thoroughly proof rNd your resume and coVer letter for spelling .ire a good fit Start with an ilS~t at your school's career centre, to address and grammar. Even one error can mean the difference between the circular file your strengths ,'md weaknesses, as well as what kinds of jobs are likely to and the interview pile. be a good match. Then go to a student Internel recruitment Web site such as, workopolisCampus.com. 'workopolisCampus.com posts hundreds of student jobs. each week. According to a recent pOll, more than half (51%) of users who applied You landed to succes~: for a job on worlwpolisCampus.com ~ contact~ for il job interview. 1. Prepare, prepare, prepare. Take the time to resfi>,arcn and understand the Which job ;s right for mel company and the person who will be interviewing you. Approach your Once you've got direction, it's time to find the right job. Which industries are answers from their perspective. Think abour what you would 00 Iooki~ for hiring? What positions are plentiful within these industries? Don't overlook '.if the roles were reversed and you were doing the hiring. Pian ,-mat you're growing areas such as sales. And keep in mind that many positions, such as sales going to say so you cover important information about what you can bring to or customer service, exist in it wide range of job sectors. AtM at glowing sectors the job. Rehearse QUt iQud until you feet confident. such' as technology or finance. 2. Attitude win make the dlfference. You can teach a OO'N employee many things, but the right attitude is not one of them. Many employers afe wmi~ 1'tIe got no experience! to teach you skills if you ,rome through the door with a pusitive, energetic, Before you send out your resume, be sum it's polished and professional. Visit tbe "'can 00" attitude. '. Resource Centre at ~.com to review resume styles and formats. 3. Ask the ritcht~. Ask about the position, job responsibilities, company Make sure you dearly state your career objective and the role you are seeki~ values, etc. in your resume and cover Jetter. Taking the time to customize your CO\ter tetter to 4. Dress for SKeetS. Know the company's m:~t':Ode, and dress a !evelup. each position as well as customizing your resume to showcase.appropriate skills Irs better to be overdressed than IJ~. for each position will payoff. Show prospective employers that you've oone your 5. leave a fasting~: 'Send .i thank you note to each person you met homework on the company and job posti~ by includi~ relevant points in your with. Its an opportunity to thank them for their time, an<tone last chance to cover letter. Verify you meet all the required qualifications for any job opportunity say you want the job; and why you'm the right persoofor it ' before you apply.

an interview. Five easy steps

workopotisCa

SCHOOL'S OUT! ALL FARES SHOWN ARE GOOD FOR DEPARTURES IN MAY! LONDON HEATHROW ',_$399':" RYITOLOIDON,AlDHOIEFROMROIE ;..$539 PARIS

_$499 -;:"

AIIlS1'ERDAM/M~fftCH/BERIJft...$599 芦:' R.Y INTO LOIDON, AID HOlE FROM NICE, ...,., 574 ROME/MIlAN . _$599 '"= R.Y INTO LOIDON, AID HOlE FROM A1'HENS fto;)$614

'"= BEIJING/SHANGHAI MADRID/BARCELONA ~$669 '"= SYDNEY

PRAGUE

_$599

ATHENS

_$769 ": ...$899 "= AUCKLAND

"""'="'""""'---*"'~~""'-=

Busabout BONUS! Get a FREE* Italian Explorer trip OR an extra Travel Day with passes purchased in April.

WIN a trip to New Zealand! Visit Qur NEW website for details.

*Free item determined by pass type purchased.

----~~'~~-~

GET ON TRACK FOR EUROPE' FREE VIP Backpackers . Hostel Membership with the purchase of a Eurail or Britrail pass Offer expires 31 Mar 05

www.travelcuts.com

For more detaHs caU or stop by one of our ofIices.

~ .1mP

m$998 ...$1035"'"

m$1235~

-~~.--~

$100 off Topdeck Get yours today in the Spring '05 Student Traveller Pick up your copy now at any Travel CUTS office. For more details caU o. stop by one of OI!r offices.

FRIDAY. APRIL 1, 2005

I' cool, a y, how are

Be Cool

F. Gary Gray MGM

I 'l.vill openly admit, I went to see the sequel to Get ShortY for the same reason most women my age went; to see the Rockraise an eyebrow and to watch John Travoltadanc~. Other draws ineluded the absolutely stellar cast and trailers that promised hilarity. With~ out giving away' the entire movie, the basicpremiseisthatTravolta'scharacter, Chili,isatnovieproducerwho tries to break into the music industry via a sexy ingenue Lirtda Moon, played by Christina Milian. Problems pop up such as debts, the Russian mafia and contracts. The movie was not what I expected, nor was it exactly what was promised, but I did laugh my ass off more than once. Cedric the Entertainer had me laughing hysterically in his unexpectedly intelligent performance as a suburban man who dabbles in gangvioUma'Thurman and John Travolta in a dance scene7 That sounds lence and music production. It apvaguely familiar, though none of us· can figure out why. pears that anytime is a good time to becaUse it had sp much promise. ginning to end and on more than one kick some ass. Dwayne ''The Rock" Travolta, Thurman and the plot occasion Vaughn had me wiping away Johnson's homosexual bodyguard/ aside,.however, this movie was one of tears of laughter. If Be Cool accomwannabe-actor/ wannabe-singer was the funniest I have seen in a while, plishes nothing else, it reminds me possibly the best-written character I which seems contradictory; buttheexthat men can look glorious in a red have seen in a comedy in years. Perfect tremelydry humour ofthe actors makes comedic timing and un-Rock-likelines crush velvet jump suit. this movie worth seeing. But viewer such as "I even bought a new pair of The most disappointing aspect of red boots" kept this movie from dythismovie'\\'3Sthe1eadcharacter,played beware,adry sense ofhumouris needed ing. I argue that the movieis worth the by John Travolta. Travolta was to enjoy this movie to its fullest. price of admission to see The Rock's lackluster throughout the movie, his BeCoolis a perfect example ofquancharacter, Eliot; '\k'ilheltDi performs a . .• ~ charisma was nowhere to be tityoverquality,heavYQP.talentedactors, light on substance. It's a lot like thoroughly moving monologue and seen. I used to argue that you can put sings a country song Vlntten for a Travolta in a mov1.e, have him dance Phil's on W ednesdaynight, when there female. These types of events come and you don't need a plot. I was wrong arelots of drinks, just not much booze around once in a lifetime and are defiand I don't often admit that. The in them. But, also like Phil's, Be Cool nitely worth $10 to see. dance with Uma Thurman was just needs to be experienced, at least once, Vlnce Vaughn was without a doubt not enough. just to be able to say "twinkle twlnkle the very best part of this movie - his Thurman's portrayal of an unafbaby" and understand its fullmeaning. black gangster trapped in the body of fectedwidowwashumorous butnotha Jewish man was hysterical from beingspectacular, which is disappointing - Elena Sterling

Gafile over - all out of lives It may seem obvious, but I guarantee games. That makes you a good peryou it's not. At least it wasn't for me. son. I came to this university with eyes I would like to urge any gamer folglazed by tears of joy, expecting to find ' lowing this column to do their best to the best education my money could thinksetiouslyaboutvideogames. Write buy. Unfortunately what I received essays on games, write articles, talkabout was an education lacking in concern, the socialimplications,hell,makeityour We've gone alongrun together, reader. severely dated and administered by a thesis. There is something inherently Whetheryou'vereadmypreviouswork sys.tem plagued with clerical errors. In valuable in aninteractive fonhofenteror just this col~, I feel that you have an attempt to get hard evidence, I tainmenttha~noacademiccanrefute,no helped me find myself as a journalist. contacted the Registrar'S office with matterhowfartheirrolled-up diplomas I thank you for that. r~ to their clerical system. Thepeohave been crammed up their collective And I'd like to announce that this pIe over at the Registrais office yielded asses. Youare thebestandhrightestthat is officially game over. no comment when asked, "So, do this world has to offer. If you love I've run outoflives and thrown the monkeys process your paperwork?" playing video games, just think about controller against the wall. I quit beBut there is one thing that has been how great it would be to study them. fore beating the final boss. I fell in the , worth my tuition: Imprint. V olunteerFinally, in closing, I assure you I will water and <;lied at the end of the second ing for this newspaper was worth the not disappear. I will keep writing. for level And a million other gaming tuition fees and bullshit I had to put other publications, and soon you may metaphors that could. possibly apply. up with for two long years. It has see me in the majors (with any luck). I'm not going to use this column taught me everythingI needed to know MakeuseofthatmoderntechnologytO to shout-out to all the people who and helped me figureoutwhatI meant Google me and keep in touch. Fornow, have helped me along the way- they to myselfby "the best." head on over to www.~te.ca or all knowwho they are. Instead, I want And in working at the newspaper, www.jivemagazine.com to read me. I to offer you some ofthe lessons I have I found my true love: gaming journalthank you all for reading, commenting, learned from my time here. ism. I have proposed on one knee and arguing and bearing with me while I You are not your degree, diploma I think that she accepted my\offer. I figured out how to string words into . orgrades. They do not define you as a know I've made a few enemies with sentences,andusecommas,effectively. person. Always strive to be the best, this column, but also hopefully a few It may be game over but I still have otherwise you are crapping on yourfriends. I have one thing to say to my a few continues left. self. But know what exactly you mean enemies: No matter what platform by "the best" before you strive for it. you play on, you are still playing video talamen@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

HOST FAMILIES NEEDED Canada Linc English is hosting a group of Spanish, French and German teenagers who are participating in a program on campus in Waterloo this summer. Families are needed to provide a welcoming family environment. The programs are 3 or 4 weeks in July or August. Families are welcome to host for one or both. Families are paid $150 per week, per student.

Please call

.CANADA LINe ENGLISH 884-1103forinformation.

\:rIt.;Jlu,",ATE PRf)GRAM ON LEASING OR FINANCING

- Get th~ car you want before you graduate! NO $$ DOWN WHEN YOU BUY LEASEFOR$229.

per month

See~ month lease ealer For Details

GETIN BE DRIVEN

WATERLOO NORTH

IlldZl_

SUNDAY

ICl

5:00PM

Louise Frechette* Deputy Secretary General of the United Nations Sunday, April 3, 2005 @ 5:00 pm Perimeter Institute, 31 Caroline Street, Waterioo

The UN In the 21st Century TUESDAY

7:00PM Co-sponsored by CIIA

Dr. Jennifer Welsh· Professor, International Relations, Oxford, UK Tuesday, April 5, 2005 @ 7:00 pm CIGI, 57 Erb Street West, WaterloO

REALITY AND CANADIAN FOREIGN POLICY: A Reply to Allan Gotlleb

.. Reserv. .on required. These evenls are open 10 the public and free of charge. For' free tickets please RSVP 10 rsvp@cIgionIine.ca or caD 519-885-2444 ext.251 W1IIIIIII. c11lIonllne.orll

'-1\ WIlfrid Laurier _

University

FRIDAY, APRI.L 1, 2005

Red caps, 'Speedos and sotnething called a "jaguar shark" The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou Wes Anderson TouchstonePictures

Hardly anybody went to see The Life Aqtlatic )t.ith StCl'<l Zir.rotlwhenir came out1'tstyearand that sucks

-- for those that didn't see it. This is an excellent movie in almost every respect. \1{'hile the film features Bill Murray, O\ven Wilson and Cate Blanchett, none of those celebs are the true stars. The real attraction is the quirky, "TIimsical and very talented director, Wes Anderson. Alongwith friend andwriting-pattnerOwen \Vtlson,Andersonmade his debut with 1996's Bottle Rocket. He followed up this first genrc:-def}-ingfilm with the brilliant RltsbllJom and the equally fantastic The Rt!)'al1'enenbaums. Over the years he has quietly carved outaplace for himself in Holl)'Wood as a guy who gets to make movies that, at firstgLmce, set-mveryweird. Buttake a closer look, and you'll see the work of a director who understands good stories, interesting characters, and intelli!,,>ent comedy. Unfortullately, Anderson's latest doesn't quite reach theclas'iic st.atus ofhis previous two films, but

he still delivers a very polished movie. j\nd "very polished" from Wes Anderson is head ,Uld shoulders above almost everybody else out there. The first thing that\\ill strike you about the Elm lsits odd title. It'slnteresring, ftulUyand strange all at the same time -- just Eke the fihn. As the movie begins we are introducc'd to Steve Zissou (Bill l\{urray), an aging oceanographic explorer. Backin the day Zissou was a respected, do(:umcntarymakingcxplorer. Nowthathe's in his t\vilightyears, things aren't looking so good for Steve. Especially as,duringtheopening,weleamthathispartuerand best friend has been eaten by a "jaguar shark." As the story unfolds \ve arc introduced, along \vith Steve, to Ned "Kingsl)''' Plimpton (Owen \'Xt'ilson), a young man who may ot may not be Steve's son. Next there's the pushy but kind Jane Winslett-Richardson (CatcBlanchett). Finallyyou've got Steve's loyal band of red cap-wearing sailors: Vi.lmun is constandy ftlming something, AnneMatie isine-xplicably topless most ofthe time, and Pele spends his days translatingDavidBo\vie songs into Portuguese. The whole red-toqued ensemble is hilarious for their quirkiness and touching be-

cause they're notjustapack ofsrrays, they're a family. Determined to get revenge for the death of his best friend, Steve embarks on a hunt for the mysterious shark. And just for good measure, he packs dynamite. Perhaps the bestwayto understand this movie is towtapyourheadatuund the type ofcruu-acterthat would htmt a shark ... for vengeance ... with dynamite. It's odd, quite amusing, and in a strange way, itmakes·sense. Thereareacouplethingsthatset\'\'esAnderson's part comedy, part drama filins aside from most others: First, you've gotthewonderfully developed characters. From the hilarious and insecure Klaus Daimler (Willem Dafoe) to the layered and sullen Ned Plimpton, when these characters aren'tctack·· ingyou up, they're tearing you up. Next there's the comedy; there arc ft:\v filins out there as uni(.JUely hilarious as this one. \\/nen Zissou is told that he has strict orders not to kill the jaguar shatk he thinks for along moment then responds, "I'llflghtit, but l'lllet it live. (pause) Now \v"hat about my dynamite?" As many have said, Anderson's filins man .. age to be hilarious w1thoutactually tellinganyjokes.

l~'lstly, you can't help butappredatetheuniLlue sryle

of the film. The characters live in a \vorld that feds

both new and old at the same time. Also,Anderson once again proves hin!self to be a master of combininghisvi.sua.lswithmQ'iic. 'Inc sequence near the end ofthe film, 'with the Sigur Ras song~ "Staralfur:' is the most beautifully filmed moment of 2004. \Xlhilc the mov-1e's got a great sense of humour and an even better sense of style, it does fumble a bit. By the end of the filin the story taltes a dark turn thatjustdoesn'tfitwithin the colourfuI, innocent world that the characters live in.. If you give it some thought I'm sure you'll realize why certain things happened, but you're still left with the feeling that there was an unwelcome change of gears somewhere along the way. Tbe IifeAqttaticis currently playing at the Princess Twin. W11etheryou need a break from exams, or are just looking for an amusing, intelllf,>ent film, you c,an't go wrongwith a trip to the zanywodd of Steve Zissou. As the title character himselfsays at the very end, '''Ibis is an adventure." -

Filip Vuckevic

Crew and Warrior Nation call for submissions for UW talent compilation Stephanie Cabico

Fades, Paintbox,MattAntaya and Samsara, winners of the 2005 Bomber Battle ofthe Bands. The \X'arrior N arion 2005 CD sells f01"$5 atthe Turnkey \'\'arriot Nation is a compilation CD celebrating _ Desk, faculty society offices and online at the rich music scene at the Universityof\X'atedoo. ww\v.maplemusic.com. Th.e compilation is a notThe 2005 disc features 18 tracks of pure UWfor~profit project, with ali proceeds benditing a scholarship fund for U\V students. It's also backed affIliated hands and musical talent, composed of by CKMS and dle Feds. unticrgraduate and graduate students, alumni This year, Warrior Natio:l2006 \vill be a double and staff. The tirst release went on saleinSeptem.. ber and featured artists like Craig Cardiff, Glory CD--an audio CD ofu\V musicians and a video

----~-,--.--.~

.. --..-..

-.-------.-~----~~-----.---

SPECIAL TO IMPRINT

.-..-.---

CD featutingpetfonnances, music videos, shott films and other various clips created by U\1I;' students. The Crew and Warrior Nation are currently collecting MP3, video and website submissions for the project. Applicants can leave video or CD submissions at the Cre\voffice (next to the Feds office in the SLC) or at the Peds office during business hours. Artists without recorded \,rork are encouraged to

Movies: dle surefire Continued from page 16

contact the organizers, as studio time may be available for selected projects. E-mail warriornatl0n@gmajl.com for more details.

to \vatch and enjoy

Understand that while blockbusters come and go, there are a precious few to which you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in style and Remember the good movies you watch. For.. special effects, because the oJderyou get, the more get the bad ones. If you succeed in doing this, tell you'll need the movies you enjoyed ",,·hen you jne how. were young. Keep your old ticket stubs. Throwaway yOU! Go to multiplexes for a while, but leave old Iiilmle magazines. before they make you hard. Go to art house .Anticipate. theatres fora \vhile, butleave before Don't feel guilty if you don't know what your you soft. Diversify. favourite movie is. The most interesting people Accept certain inalienable truths: ticket prices I know didn't know at#?? what their favourite will rise. Theatre employees will annoy. Your mO\-1es were. Some of the most interesting 40local cinema, too, will get old. And when it does, year-olds I know still don't. you'll fantasize that Don't drink too when it was ne\v, ticket much fountain pop. Be prices y,,'ere reasonable, kind to your appetite thC'atreemployees were for popcorn. You'll Accept certain inaliencourteous and everymiss it when it's gone. able truths: ticket prices body respected their l-.1aybe you'll cry at place in Ene. the theatre, ll1aybe you will rise. Theatre emRespect your place won't. Maybe you'll be ployees will annoy. in line. confused at a plot, Don't expect anyInaybe you won't. one else to come wtth !vIaybe you'll understand eycrythingyou watch, maybe you'll pretend . you to the theatre. Marbe you have a likeminded friend. Mayb(~ you have an excited date. you "got it" when you really didn't. W11ateveryou But you never know when the enthusiasm of do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or either one might run out. berate yourself either. Your undersrandingis limDon't sit too close to the screen or by the ited to your experience. So is everybody else's. time you're 40 you'll have eyesight like you're Enjoyyour couch. Sit on it every possible way 85. vou can. Don't be ashamed of it or of what other Be careful whose fihn advice you buy, but be people rhinkofit. It's the mostcomf011:Llble place patient with those who supply it. Advice is a you'll ever be. form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of \'i;'atch musicals, even if you have no one to fishing the past ftom the disposal, wiping it off, enjoy them with but yourself. painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for \Vatch foreign cinema, even if you don't more than it's worth. follow it. But trust me, \vatch all sorts movies. Donotwatchre:tlityTV- it\viJlonlymake you feci fake_ fvukcevic@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Get to know filmmaker name~. You never know when you'll \yonder who did \vha1. Be easy The ab()t'& text if alJ atitlptatioll of the /JOIW/, on emerging directors. They're our best link to ''J3zY:rybody's Fret to W,oear SltnSCl'eeri, " by cinema's past and the people most likely to shape J.hlflidJ © 1997. the movies of the future.

FRIDAY. APRIL 1, 2005

EATU Memoirs of a UW graduate: alpha males and thongs A university education in nine minutes Heramb Ramchandran IMPRINT STAFF

Jesus,inoneofhisweeklymlkstoHeiamb, once quipped ''MeandSatanhavethis bet goingonwhich'llhappenfirstyougmduatingorhellfreezingover.lfyougmduate first, I have to get a penn." If done properly, fictitious biblical quoting adds a satiric edge to writing. Othenvise, you're just a pompous dick. When I stepped foot in Waterloo's hallowed hallways of higher learning, two~becameapparent

a) There aremanyrice cookers inrez; b) I would eventually graduate. Now given my distinguished academic career, I'mnotgraduatingyet, but my comrades from 2000 will finally bid adieu to Waterpoo. In honour of their. 4.66years ofsacrifice, apathy and ecstasy,

I dedicate this article of memories to them: the graduates.

Frosh Backin frosh week, I had this conversation with a random alpha male:

You see that chick with the thong? She gots a thong, man! Alpha:Male:Howcanyoutell?She's wearing a poncho.

She's gotta be wearing a thong. Thqt's lvhatuniimity chickf wear. It's like a requiremmt. Oh '\\-'lllt lhad that conversation last week. Never mind. Pethapsthemostrewardingmemory I have offirstyearwas the smorgasbord oftasteful ~minresidence. Everymale computer was connected and the shit was categorized JennaJameson, Kobe Tai, Hot Amateur Bums, etc. Thepom

flowed freely like the mighty Ganges.. I longforthe days ofefficiently accessible pom: Well, booble is alPght

The IssueofOasses In those bullshit movies about universitylife, the class begins and ends in three ininutes. The professor makes some witty joke, hands back term papers and qismisses everyone. The students allgo homeandhavesexafterwards'cuzthey have so much free rime. My one-hour lecture drags on longer than a buffet dinner with the Waterloo Sumo Wrestlingteam. Allgraduatingstudents haveexperiencedthoseclasseswherecyanidepillsare arequired course tool.

higher drinking. Before eventually becoming the brilliantly suave machismo machine that I am, I too was a skinny nerd boy Who lacked poonani hunting skills. In recent months at Bomber, I noticed some less than stellar etiquette .thatI warnallyouthfulreadershipagainst So I'm talking to a rather fetching damewithadiscooutfitcirca 1970,when a nebbish second year inserts himself uninvited to oUr conversation. He had no connection to the lady aside frOm trying to woo her. Letmerepeat do not infiltrate another man's sPace. That shit is taboo. Even the Taliban be all, "yo son, thatain'tright You'll get your hand chopped offand fed up your anus." All graduates have 路that one awkward macking tale in their past

BomberTaboos Ifyou are a graduate, bomberindubitablyentered your social spectrum atleast once. In the earlyyears, you lack proper mackingtechnique at this institution of

UW Gold Standard As the years pass, the experiences vary but there's always one common feature in everyone's life: the drunken Punjabi

Ateveryparty,itcouldbeaKKKrally orwhatever, afreakingdrunkenPunjabi shows up. He's shit-faced and starts Desi dancing for no goddam apparent reason. The guy starts pre-drinking at noonsowhenheshowsupatanysocial get together, the mofo is more toasted than a breakfast bagel. Everyone loves the drunken Punjabi To Pimpan69 and Pierre Ie French: from frosh till fourth year, you guys talked me out of a lot of questionable behaviour like the rime I was in my circus midget phase. Totherestofthel\fillenniumfrosh: universityisn'talwayspeachesandcream, but I hope when all is said and done, these were the best rimes ofyourlives. If not, go molest an emu, the hell I care. To those students scheduled to graduate this term but will fail their exams, see you in the suriuner! hramchandran@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

How to handle any breakup; even Pittiffer Don't worry about me. I ran out of crispers after four and a half days.

That's a reliif. So now that)'otl're out

ofbed, theftrst thing)lott want to do is get to the deleting! The importance. of dele/-

Adam: B-Rad! What's happening,

homeslice? Rea4J to gojump that Ferrari over Niagara Falls?

her from Jour AfSN and cell phone cannot be stressed eno/tgh. T.f7hat little dignityyou still have intact after sobbing whilegrasping her ankle andpromising to become a better listener will quicklYgo out the window lvhm .you start drunkmIY messaging her at 3 a.m., telling her that she was "the one" and spelling "the one" Jvith an L and ajeJV per cent signs. Got it. So should 1 give back

Brad Pitt: Well, I brought my helmet. But I don't know dude, I'm feeling kind of down. I think I just want to stay in today, this break-up with Jennifer is getting to me. . those old gifts from her and all the Getting ovtr a break-up is tOltgh. You underwear she left at my house?

will be tempted to stqy in bed andpineJor your lost love while watching The O.c. D V7Js, sobbing and eating Crispers. This is norma4 but try to limit it to a week or you will start to chcife pretry bad.

Brad, whileyou "Jqy tlever, ever meet again, on that bumpy road to love, still you'll alwqys, alwqys keep the memory of. .. the wqy she wore her hat, and also the wqy she sipped her tea. The memory ofall

that, no, no, thl!) can't take thatawqy from JOU. And assumingJou keep the Plqystation games and Injiniti G35 coupe she bought you securelY ifuked ~p, $be.y won't be able to take those awqyfromyou either. You "Itry want to return the IInderwear, tholtgh. Trustme, whenJrimdsjind women's underwear hidden inyour closet it poses que!tions jor which there are 110 eary answers.

to that of Seth and Silmmet:from The O.c. It's the modmJ equivalent of the

guy from Laurier ,who lives in your basement is not the virtual equivaRomeo al1d Juliet comparison and it's no lent to Ryan, the brooding bad boy iessvomit inducing. "Man!" Strys tbe ;from Chino who lives in Seth's pool archetypal newlY single gJq. "We arejust house. I know break-ups hurt, but lilet S cth and S ummtr, dude. Even though do not make comparisons. It she caltght me itl bed lvith her sister and cheapens you and it slanders the I hal1equestionable ~ygiene, we're meant reputation of an otherwise stellar to be together. I kn01v. I'll orcheftrate a , piece of programming. grand gesture to win back her love!" Yeah, I totallY agree withyOlt on that Tell me aboutit. To this day your There are a number of things call. Hiding in her bflshes and taking explanation for owning a corset:is a wrong with this statement. Unlike pictures ofher does not an O. C. character !!Jake. ' litcle shaky. I mean, I must have seen Seth from The a. C.,).vho is witty and Moulin Rouge six times and I have romantic, said individual is usually Bingo. So now that you're past seen no evidence of your small, much more along the lines of awkthe danger of the comparison, uncredited role. wlrd and obsessive. the next thing you want to do is That's not important right now, Brad. While grand gestures, such as focus on the positive. Sure, you've Whenyou areJresh from a break-up,you . standing on a hot dog stand and lost your soul mate and you're basiwill beJaced with an overwhelming temp- professing your undying love for , cally a britcle shell of your former tation. This temptation, whichYOIl mllst your ex may work on The the self. resist no matter what the cost, is the real world has something called "retemptation to compareYOllr relationship straining orders." And finally, that See JOHNS, page 23

a.c.

a.c.,

Serial fiction reaches its thrilling conclusion

Shannon foUnd herself staring'into the eyes of the killer as he died. Mike stood over his body, holding the lamp he had broken the window with. "I was worried I would be too late," he panted. "He just wanted to be an optometrist," she sobbed. "Hejustwantedit so badly. Badly enough to kill." She looked up at Mike. "And he wanted me." Mike went to her and held her as she sobbed into his arms.

The month of May began with pleasant temperatures, beautiful flowers and the sun finally emerging from behind the misty gray clouds that had dominated most of March and April. The air was fresh with the smell of spring and the world seemed to b~ at peace with itself except for within the small gazebo found on a small isiand in VictoriaParkLakeinKitchenerwhere Michael Smith and Shannon Parker sat

talking.'

"Mike, there are srill a lot ofthings about what happened that I don't understand. I mean, why did he kill路 Rachel? She was in psychology, not pre-optometry. She didn't represent any kind of threat to him." , Mike pa,!sed before he spoke, ''I think that she was just in the wrong place at the wrong rime. The killer, well, he really wanted to kill Phil but

when he went to the apartinent, she was there. He couldn't handle both of them at once, and he had to get rid of her after she'd seen him. So he killed her. I think he might have felt badly about it, maybe that's what threw himoffwhen he killed Phil. He ended up giving himself away because of the mistakes he made with that murder." "But srill- I mean, why did he seem to want me? What made him focus so much on me?" ''Because you're beautiful and you're kind and you're smart I really think you started out as a target but the more he looked at you and followed you, the more obsessed he became." Shannon shuddered and reached up unconsciously and touched her eyes. ''I guess I'm lucky then." They sat there quietly for a while,

just listening to the world around too many bad memories here." , them. ''You're probably right. What are The laughter that carried across you going to do?" the lake to where they sat, the cries of "Didn't! tell you? I'm leaving for birds all washed over them. Ireland next week." "So," Shannon began, ''What hap''What!?'' pens now?" ''I thoughtit'd be agreatplace to go,. 'We wait. I don't think we'll ever to get away from everything here. I forget anything that happened to us, figure I'll work for a year, earn some but hopefully we'll eventually be betmoney and maybe then I'll be able to ter able to deal with it alL" come back. I just don't think I could Shanpon looked away, "I don't stand to be here next year." think I'll ever forget the blood on my Shannon got up and walked over hands. All of those eyeless faces lookto him. She kissed him gently and ing up at me, like they were accusing ... looked into his eyes, ''I'll miss you, me. Like what happened to them was you know." my fault. Sometimes I look down He smiled, "I do now." and I srill see their blood 9n my She took him by the hand and she clothes and hands. No matter what I said goodbye to him in the best way do, I can't get rid of it." she knew how. The end ... or is it? "I think we just need to get away from here for a while. There are just mrosS@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

FRIDAY,APRIL 1, 2005

Recipes for wokking Anstett cooks up a stir-fry storm

Jeff Anstett IMPRINT STAFF

Stir-fry is one of those dishes that can be made with just about anything by just about anyone. If you're planning o~ cooking anything that involves a stove, I recommend getting a supply of a few spices. If you don't want to buy a fancy spice rack or you're too embarrassed to own a spice rack, go to Bulk Bam and get little baggies. Don't confuse them with other little baggies lying around your house, especiallY ifyou're cook, ing for your grandmother (Sorry Nana). Use onlHPices whose names you can pronounce, or- ones that smell like food you're used to. First you'll need a greased pan or wok. A wok is a round dish with high sides, used mosdy in Asian cooking. It . has a narrow bottom and usually has handles on both sides for tossing the ingredients into the air and pretending

Youmaywanttoaddmeat.Irecommendslicedchickenbreastorsteakstrips. Bothcan be boughtpre-slicedandeven in some places pre-cooked (beware of anythingthatcomes pre-cooked),l usu-

you're the Iron CheÂŁ And once you think you're the Iron Chef, the restwill follow. Ifyou can talk the talk, you can toss the wok. ~cookthemeatonthesideandthrow itin late because it can do two things if Unlike awok, apanhaslowsides and youmixitin ealiy. Itcan either steal the aflatbottom (think baconandeggs). It's flavourfrom thevegetables (Badmeatl less fun to toss things because scalding hot oil usually ends up on your tender Putitdown~oritcansoakuptoomuch foreattns. oil and end up taSting like rubber. But ifyou're going to cook the meat in the Heatupadashofoilinyourwok. Use just enough so that when you tip the wok, make sure it's at ~ half-done before thevegetables get cooked. . woktheoilcoversalmostallofit Throw inhalfadicedonion,foutclovesofgarlic Certainvegetab1es are key to agood and some ginger. If you don't have stir-fry soifyoudon'thave them, try to find them. Broccoli soaks up flavour onions, garlic or ginger, use garlic powder, potatoes (chopped up French fries andhidesitinits1itdegreenbulbs. Then when you bite into it, the flavout is from a few days ago?) and salt and unleashed! Cauliflower does the same pepper. Next, throw in any vegetables you have. thing, bUt it's not nearly as cool as broccoli. Different vegetables take different Bean sprouts, as long as they stay amounts oftime tocook, so I'll give you crunchy,willmakeyourstir-frylooklike a few tips. Thick, stalky vegetables can the real thing. You canputketchup and cookforeverwithout tumingto mush. vinegar on bean sprouts and it will stil1 Anything that's crunchy will generally tum to mush. ,Ctunchiness is generally look professional. Peppers come in all sorts offlavours caused by water or air being heJdinside and colours and can make your stir-fry theveggieand cookingmakes thewater . actually look as colourful as a box of orairescape. If you're using a frozen vegetable crayons (note: do not add crayonsO With these lime tips, you should be package from the store, turn the heat up a bit so that the vegetables thaw and able to createastir-fryfitforanemperor. , the flavour can infuse itself into the janstett@imprint.uwaterloo.ca vegetables.

Joh~s:

Brad Pitt deals with painful break-up from Jennifer Continued from page 21 Budook on the bright side. First1 you don't have to buy her any more presents. Second, your buds ate secredy perforrningwild dances ofglee due to the fact that you will be availableonFridaynightstodofunthihgs, like hit light bulbs with golf clubs, rather than having a prior commitmentthatinvolves watching a Reese Witherspoon movie. And third, every female who you have ever deprived of the simple joy that is you is now fair game.

Oh, othQr women! WithONt YON, a break-1Ij> woNId sting 01> somNch more. So I glless I'll jllst be off to find a new girlfriend... . Not so fast, Brad. While you may want to rush off and start a new relationship right away, this does not change the fact that you are some'What emotionally damaged. You should be entering into a relationships based on a deep emotional connection as well as a profound interest in each other's nasty parts. However,ifyou date someone now, it will not be about that. ft will be about finding a salve for the ragge.d, aching hole in your ego. You're basically desperate enough to date anything, including most varieties of elk. This is not good. Besides, you

Sex-savvy readers

owe it to the'elk to be over your ex. Nobody liKes to listen to their new boyfriend talk about how you and Jen used to always listen to this song, or howJen always smelled like cupcakes. Not even elk.

So when will I be rea4J to date agaiN, Adam? Well, the basic rule of thumb goes like this: for every month that you two were together, you need to spend a weekgoingoutlots,partyingandoccasionally complaining to your friends about how lonely you are. Also, although you should not commit to dating anyone, you are more than welcome to tongue-kiss anything that moves, including washer-and-dryer combos. Your friends have an importantduty duringthis rebound phase: It is their job to take you out and show you a good time, keep your mind off the situation and introduce you to women ofquestionable moral fibre. In exchange for this itnmense sacrifice, all you have to do is pay for their beerand nachos. Thatand buythemcars. Several cars. But don'tworry, Brad. You will be OK You will be OK Adam, I sure am I!lcky to have afriend Jikeyoll. Yes you are, Brad. Yes you are. And I'll take a yellow Maserati. ajohns@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

shar~etips

.Campus enthusiasts impress the Sexpert Extraordinaire

Throughout the term I've beenreceivinge-mails and tips from various readers.It seernsthat we've got alotofsex enthusiasts on this campus! Here's what some of them had to share with' the rest of us: 1. Going down on a guy foratleast two minutes prior to sex will calm him down and make intercourse longer. Your goal is not to get him off, so go slowly - just keep him hard and make it enjoyable. Doing this will take some of the sensitivity away. The only way I can explain this is that if a guy goes straight from his pants to sex it's like having someone jump around a comer to scare you-

he'll get a big rush. Giving him head is like slowly walking up to him and saying "boo," clearly the "traumatizing" affect is much less. So give more head before sex. f 2. Easeinto sex slowly. You can't just jump sttaightin there, guns drawn and go straight for the gusto. If you want marathon sex, you've got to tteatit like amarathonlStartoffslow;paceyourselÂŁ Ifyou start offsprinting you're going to getto the finishmuchquicker. The best waytostartoffis topenettateas deep as you can, keeping contact between your pelvis and your partner. Now vary the sttengthwith which youarepushingup against her to get as deep as possible, always keeping contact (thisworks best from behind). I can attest that the girls much prefer this slow start anyways. 3. So, you've stil1got an itchy trigger finger on your sex pistoL Durex makes acondomcalled''Performax'' that dulls thenervesin yourmembertomanuaIly get you over that initial spike of sensa-

tion. BasicallytheypartiaI1yputyourwilly to sleep, just like the dentist does to your gums when you get the drill. Don't worry, you'll stay hard The trick is to remot'6 some of the magic ingredient or else you reaJbwon'tfeel a thing. Before putting the condom on, tum it inside out and remove some of the cream inside, but not all ofit. Make sure not to unravel the condorn though, tumirback right side out These condoms basically guarantee atleast20 minutes ofsex and a killer orgasm at the end , lI-. It's a little known fact among small circles that marijuana helps prolong sex for a guy. It basically dulls your senses, but at the source. Just don't get caught with the stuff. Thplks to everyone who sent tips in, and superthanks to everyone who read and enjoyed the columnl I wish all of you a happy, healthy and srper fun sex life! jharries@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

FRIDAY. APRIL 1, 2005

Liberal governqtent fails on Kyoto accord

spondtoaheartfeltpitch~sactiÂŁicefurthe

theirenergy-wastefulwaysonlywhehitis econotnicallynecessarytodo so. I'd like to be an optimist but it is hard to picture a political party riding ,a "you should pay more" platform to electoral success. . The One-Tonne Challenge is sadly justonesymptomoftheLiberalgovemment's complete failure to develop a realistic plan to meet Canada's Kyoto commitments,despitehavinghadmore than a decade to come up with one. Tellingly, the Senate's Committee on Energy, the Environment and Natural Resources sees thechaIlenge asitstands as ''little more than a public relations . exercise," a $26 mi1Hon one at that Until the govemment and the public gets serious aboutgreenhousegasetnissions,thewantanwillcontinuetottump the One-Tonne in our everyday lives.

common goOd, people at large respond to price signals. Canadians will change

cedey@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

More must be done to create a realistic plan that meets Canada's commitments'

The following is certainly the most unique reaction that I know: of to the Government ofCanada's greenhouse gas (GHG) reducingOne-TonneChaIlenge, but is unfortunately typical of how: relevant the Challenge is to the lives of average Canadians. In case you don't know - polls indicate that many of you do nottheOne-Tonne Challenge is Canada's latest crack at the Kyoto Protocol jigsaw puzzle ofwhich we are still short a few pieces, 240 million tonnesworth, give or take. The 'challenge, as homegrown comedian Rick Mercer announces on our television screens, is for each and every Canadian to reducehis personal greenhouse gas emis-' sions by one tonne, which represents approximately a 15 per cent reduction per participant. So what's in a tonne? How far do you have to drive to create one tonne ofemissions? Howmuch do you have to turn down your thermostat to save'

The suburban Edey family requires a tonne of emissions?This is only the a manageable nine per cent emissions flrstofmanyproblemswiththeChalcut, while our urban cousins must lenge as itis currently presented. Aside make a'massive 30 per cent reduction from being a nice round flgure, what in order to meet the challenge. This'is is the relevance of one tonne ofgreenthe second problem with the chalhouse gas emissions to how people lenge; SUV-driving environmental go about their lives? refuseniks and conscientious bikeThe highly abstract nature of the commuters are targetanditsrather painted with the tenuous connecsame brush, with tion with everyday no points given reality is likely one I'd '~ike to be an optifor existing good ofthechiefreasons mist but it is hard to . behaviour. why most CanaThe third madians ateunawate picture a political jor problem with of the program. party riding a "you the challenge as it Letus assume stands depends fora second thatI should pay more" on people makhave decided to platform to el~ctoral ing a voluntary take the challenge. sactificetowards a Environment success. nebulous and illCanada's handy deflnedcommon emissions calcucause. Good will and guilt trips may lator (which I must admit is a very work when the cause is helping cute useful tool) informs me that my famipandas or seal pups overcome ,evil ly's Burlington home and its occupants create some 11.6 tonnes of poachers, but it is completely useless GHGs. However, a hypothetical simiwhen it comes to asking people to make signiflcant changes i? their well lar family living in an apartment in established lifestyles. downtown Toronto that takes ,the bus around town would produce a People drive in kilometers, fill their Kyoto-friendly 3.3 tonnes of emisgas tanks by litres and heat their homes sions. in degrees centigrade. The amounts by .

which they do each of the above are decided in terms of dollars and cents. All other things being equal, a ris!,! in energy prices will encourage Canadians to make choices (e.g. home retroflts, fuel-efficientcars, livingcloser towork) that will reduce their costs, energy use and hence GHG emissions. Currendy, the government that is asking earnest citizens to drive less for ~ecommongoodis the samegovemment tqat panders to the public's conspiracy-theory mania whenever gas prices rise and promises to do what it takes to keep pump prices low and dtivershappy. Whereis thelogicin this? While an individual person may re-

UWgreens ~~

Ad:.

At 90(0 / .In 0 n t arlo. .,

Be ahead of the pack, support the Green Party. www.green.ca www.uwgreens.esmartstudent.com

University graduates ~........................................~1~........................................~~

.... ....

CMA

Become a CMA. It's the edge you rteed to stand out. Maybe you've never considered a career in accounting, but you've probably also never considered the benefits that a professional designation in management accounting can offer. It could mean the difference between blending in, Elrstanding ou} from the crowd. â&#x20AC;˘ ,

T bound graduate

As a CMA you'll build on the range of skills your degree has already given you. And your training will prepare you to make . , strategic and financial decisions, which can help you grow an organization, and make you an asset to any employer. Gaining a professional advantage may be closer than you think: Visit our website. to find out how a CMA designation can work for you.

Certified Management Accountants . cma-ontario.org

et a coupon for a

omino's Pizza with

student tax preparation. H&RBLOCK

Come in today or call 1... 800-HRBLOCK

~.fcr 1ft amWg way to spend some qf,Om' time Ods

summa1 Join the Cmmda na, Stming Committeel

~StmAvanule: ~Worid ~

Arts_ Craj15

Fair~

camnellOWW StkkS*$ ~ Ccmcasi_~

Stage~ ~Coord_tor

TheCuada DayStm1Dg~_~ a __ lnk mmsgjrnt _md.kmdefJueln~_Is~ttlbe~"~ im July 1st. PI.eas£ 00IUCt Dana EmtIS (FW 5JetI8! ~ at

~or88MS6'1lfMa6Fkjell~F ~ In whIcIlJIIIIlml intm1.8tr.d. PI.eas£ IIm.'t all otIIer ~to 1m' as

WIll. ~In 1M

uwr.uau Day~I5Doppmt!mlyJIIII will

1IIlWf1G«1lcd IIJ1111lm1la1erested hi ~ on July 1st only.

p!ease"

1IPodneat~~k~jima. ~ aj'tcrNay . .

SerE.NCE & TECHNOLOGY ~~L~~a Ecology and economics challenge parks Can you put a price on nature? The battle between ecology and the economy continues to create conflict within the management of parks and protected areas. On the one hand, preservationists believe that nature should not be reduced to dollars and cents. Nature, because it sustains and renews itself, should be available to anyone who wants to enjoy and exp!!rienee the natural environment. They argue that the intrinsic nature of an ecosystem should be valued above economic or use values. Lastly, they claim that parks were created to protect specific areas of land so that future generations could enjoy them, not so that a profit could be made out of them. On the'other hand, fundamentals ofeconomics have recently come into the spotlight after a long management focus on ecological integrity. The focus has shifted because it was recognized that money is needed to run the parks (which have historically operated at a loss in Canada), offer visitor

services (such as toilets and basic facilities) and maintain and monitor park ecosystems. The change is also in response to dramatic increases in park visitation which have led to environmental damage. Lastly, severe funding cuts have further created a problem within <::anadian parks and protected areas to adequately manage the park. ' In light of this, the Government of Ontario adopted a business model for managing Ontario provincial parks. The Ontario Parks Agency was created in 1996 and now manages 314 parks. Under this plan, each park was authorized to retain park revenues and reinvest these revenues back into the park. Despite the initial success of the agency, for example the esptblishment of new campsites and more money available for ecc;>logical protection, the business plan is still viewed with skepticism by many. The argument against the business plan model boils down to freedom to access the park and the assumption that natural areas will be turned into another DisneyLand. While the pervasiveness ofcapitalism has scared the public into thinking that our beloved parks will turn into amusements parks, I urge you to consider another side of the issue: money

Canada's goin' seal huntin'

Luna Singh SPECIAL TO IMPRINT

nosaur bone to those found in ostrich bone. Schweitzer chose to compare dinosaur vessels to that of the bird in light of the recent evidence that birds descended from dinosaurs. ''The vessels and cOntents are similar in all respects to blood vessels recovered from ... ostrich bone," they reported in a paper bring published Friday in the journal Science. The discovery of soft tissue in a 70 million year old bone is an exciting find as it is such a rare occurrence.

Soft tissue fpund in T-Rex Researchers in Washington have announced they have found soft tissues that resemble blood vessels Canada's going on a seal hunt I from a 70-million-year-old, Canadian fishermen have Tyrannosaurus rex. The soft tisstarted what is anticipated sues wete recovered from the to be one of the largest thighbone of the T -Rex sealhuntsindecades. The found in a sandstone governmenthas'authorformation in Montana. ized for 300,000 seals Scientists estimate that to be killed this year. the dinosaur was about Animal rights activ18 years old when it died. ists have been proScientists are 'hoping testing against the to extract DNA hun~ arguing that it's from the specimen cruel. However, authoribut are unsure if tiessay,"thehuntisnow this is possible. more humane and that Mary Higby the rising seal populaSchweitzer,leadretion needs to be s;ontrolled." . ' searcher at North Carolina State University, said he The two month hunt will occur at hopes if researchers can "isolate the birthplace of the seals on ice floes proteins from the material, they may offtheAtlantic coast. The department be able to learn new details of how offisheriesaildoceansstates~'<cana dinosaurs lived." da's seal population was healthy and After breaking the hone and abundant, especiaHythe hatp sealherd, aQalyzing its insides, Dr. Schweitzer whi¢Jiisestima.ted to have five million and her colleagues decid~ to,com-;, afUmalsand is'lhetnostimportant herd pare the blood'vessels from the di- ... for this industry:"

Ontario's par.ks, like Killarney Provincial Park pictured above, have to balance funding with the damage caused by tourism. is needed to protect these areas from irresponsible visitor behaviour and from being used for other land-use plans. Money provides the 'means to set aside land for the creation ofparks; to construct effective management plans that can be implemented; to further environmental research; to increase visitor appreciation and understandingof nature; to maintain the park such as establishing boundaries on park~; and to ensure longterm protection of the park. The significanceofapproprlatelev-

els of finance is most apparent in African parks and protected areas. National parks in Tanzania, as research by Giles Mulholland and the University of Waterloo's Pro£ Paul F J. Eagles, have successfully combined the often competing aspects of' ecology and economics. Park financing is not available from government grants and consequently, funding for Tanzanian parks comes from tourists and foreign aid. They have recognized that a sufficient number of tourists can 'guarantee long term finance for

the park. Yet, preservationist ideals argue that encouraging more recreationalists to viSit a park will lead to environmental damage. However, many recent papers have discovered that it is not the total number of visitors at a park that creates environmental damage. Rather, it is visitor behaviour that can influence the health of a park. As stated above, tourists are needed for adequate finance and if this finance is not available, it is likely that the park will be converted into a more profitable use, such as agriculture. While Ontario has not reached the extreme of relying solely upon visitor numbers, the Tanzanian example demonstrates thateconomics shapes th!! park just as much as the goal of ecological integrity. It is only through adequate and guaranteed finance that ecological goals can be achieved. Ontario Parks have been leaders in the integration of ecology and economics within parks and protected areas in North America. The management of parks must continue to adapt to our rapidly changing world in order to ensure that parks maintain their ecological quality and historical features for future generations to enjoy. . -:- Shauna Solomon

Time is precious, don't spend it' sitting in rush-hour traffic

Just two more classes, three exams and a paper to hand in, then you're done, finished, finito - in the words ofAlice Cooper "School's outjorever." Soon you'll be a real person, with a real job and you'll probably be thinking of getting yourself some wheels. There are tons of tasty deals out there for university grads, from car companies looking to lock some poor , Clebt-riddenladder-climherinto 3.8 per cent financing for three to five years. Life doesn't have to be like that though. Keep this in mind especially if youroptionsarebetweenmovingback in with mom and dad so you can pay for that shiny newroadster, andretainingyour freedom and personal dignity. There are so many major envi-, ronmentalissues associated with cars .~tit's hard to know where to begin. Air pollution is just one of the factors. The increase in car use has spurred suburban sprawl beCause it has allowed people to live much greater distances from where they work. . Sprawl is the cdntributing factor to a whole host of problems. If you've been paying attention for the last five years or so, there has been a major initiative north ofT<>ronto to save the Oak Ridges Motaine. This is an ecologically sensitive area, basi-

cally a huge graveLpit, that helps to to work gives you time to read the ftlter a good portion of Toronto's paper, have your coffee and relax drinking water. Developmentwould before you start your day. Most have ruined this resource and the cities have decent transit programs fact is, people could not have lived these days and there are few things there without cars. more satisfying than flying past rush Suburbia is incredibly expensive hour gridlock on a train. £Or municipalities and cities to sup- • port because services have to be Step three: Bicycles spread out over such a huge area. This should be used as a suppleMore and larger roads have to be ment for your short distance travels, built over what, in southern Ontario, and it's a good way to get some is prime agricultural land, in order to exercise. Bikes aren't just for the accommodate,the added Car traffic. kids either. With lots of different And the kicker. is that these areas exciting models to choose from, low have been dubbed "bedroom" com- riders and three-wheelers are unmunities because people only spend conventional offering you flexible half their time there - the halfwhen options. they're asleep. Cars are damn expensive as well Step four: Co-op and the way that gas prices are going For those conscientious people who these days, drivingisn't ever going to don't want to own their own cars but get any cheaper. When you factor in would like access to one on occasion insurance, repairs, maintenance and to do things like grocery shopping, the occasional fender-bender you can this is a fantastic alternative. You say goodbye to a hefty chunk of your inve::stin the co-op and pay as you use hard earned paycheque. the vehicles, and they usually have a So, before you start shopping numberofdifferentaltematives. You around for cars, take a look at my four can use the car to go and get grocerstep plan for personal transportation. ies, and the trud to move that new couch you bought with all the money Step one: Uve close to your work you saved. , This is the most importlint ~ to Transportation is just one deciconsider. It's absolutely asinine to sion about life that grad~ have to spend three hours out of your day make. A new Honda rnight be able to traveling to and from work. Since the outmanoeuvrea TIE fighter, but that majority of people's travel is between won't do you much good on the Don home and work, thisoOlymakes sense. Valley Parking Lot. Join the resistance, Ride the Rocket. Step two: Public transit This is a sexy option. Taking transit rtemmer@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

CiASSIFIEDS

CAMPUS. BULLETIN

aged. Utilities included for $350 per bedtakes four hours a week to' provide an room. It doesnt get any better than this!! important community service and potenCall Darlene at 746-1411, Haney PM. "Ultimate Questions" The Lord Jesus t;ially make a huge difference in someChrist is the difference. Learn about one's life? The Distress Centre is operMay 1st Three bedroom triplex - fully Wanna ••• live purposefully - lead pasHim. Bible' study by correspondence. ated by the Canadian Mental Helath Asfurnished, shared kitchen and bathroom, sionately - influence powerfully? Please send name and address to: Bible sociation and provides supportive listenparking, laundry, non-smoker, cleaning . Twenty20 welcomes you! Twice a month study, Zion United Reformed Church ing an4 crisis assessment and de-escalalady two times per month to clean kitchen . -buspickupatUW, SLCat6:45 p.mand 1238 Main St., Sheffield, ON LOR 1Z0 tion for people living in the' Waterloo and bathroom. Rent from $400.00 per WLU underpass at 7:00 p.m. For more or e-mail bible@zurch.on.ca. See web . Region. Volunteers receive training in lismonth. Viewing 153 Weber Street N., info call 744~7447 or www.kcf.org or site: www.zurch.on.ca.c1ick on Links, tening skills, crisis de-escalation and Waterloo. Call 884-4764. pauld@kcf.org. ask for book. Sign 'up today, it's free. community resources. Volunteers work philosophy in Action. Join a discussion Best s~blet ever - spend this summer in with a highly trained Crisis Intervention Term paper help from dedicated writthat looks at how philosophy applies to an air-conditioned home with pool and Te~ and receive on-going supervision ing professionals with more than 30 everyday life. Saturdays and Wednestennis court next door. Partially furnished and feedbaCk. If this sounds like the volyears experience. E.S.L., research & days at 7:00 p.m. in downtown Kitchener bedroom, fully furnished livi!1g rooms, unteer job for you, please contact Joanne writing, editing and proofreading, en- 742-4433 (leave message). kitchen with dishwasher, free laundry, Martin at 744-7645, ext 300. trance letters and thesis help. Toll free Check out the events happening in free parking. Price negotiable. E-mail 1-888-345-8928 or customessay.com. the Student Life Centre at http:// Luther Vtllage the Park, in ~terloo kterluk@hotmail.com www.studentservices.uwaterloo.ca!slc! is looking to hire two student We fix any computer problem - $55 flat Sublet: May - August, 1-5 bedrooms events.htm. groundkeepers for the months of May - plus free diagnosis! Pop ups, viruses, available, 147B Weber St. $99 or best International students: experience a to September working 37.5. hours per spam, hardware - we fix it all. Visit our offer. Close to plaza, 2 bathrooms, 2 unique Canadian sport. Try broomball! week. You would be required to mainstore or call 747-5979. Waterloo Netfridges, washer & dryer, cable and It's played on ice, similar to ice hoCkey, tain the aesthetics of the Village grouiids works, 220 King Street l'f., across from internet hookups, parking, negotibut no skating required. Women and while ensuring the safety and well-being WLU, behind Phil's. . able.747-8445. of Village residents and staff. This posi, men play together - everyone is welcome Custom essay writing and research asQuality townhouses available for Fall (Canadians too). Contact sistance - Essay Experts can write an es- . tion pays $10.82 per hour. Please sub. from $33().to $390. Call Kate (905) 825uw broomball@hotmail.com for more mit resume to: Human Resources, say or research papers on any topic, level 3196 or kateJongo@cogeco.ca. inf~rmation. Lutherwood, 139 Father David Bauer and 10£ any deadline. Call 1-877-974Great Uptown Waterloo location. Close Drive, Waterloo, ON, N2L 6L1. Fax Liiida Perez's EXiStere to commemorate TEXT or visit EssayExperts.ca. to all amenities, parking laundry, faciliInternational Women's Day at the Wa519-884-9071 or e-mail: Motorola cell' phone unlocking/ ties. Available for rent to a group of five terloo Community Arts Centre, Mar~h 4 hr@lutherwood.ca. Deadline is April 15 , unbrandinglupgrades/customizations at $299 per mo~th/per person. 12 months to April 2. This Kitchener artist has cre2005. $15. E-mail September 2005 to August 2006. Call ated a series of life-size sculptures using gsmunlocking@uwforsale.com or call Mike at 888-7377 or e-mail clear packing tape and her own body as a 721-1231 if interested. fastboat@golden.net. model. For more information please conEnglish Editing Let me correct the gramtact Sher "DiCiccio, .886-4577, Three rooms in full house - $440'-$500/ mar, spelling and style of your manuwcac@sentex.net or· visit month/per room. One year lease starting script, document, technical report or thewww.sentex.net/-wcacweb/ September 2005. Fully furnished, 20 Room for rent - uptown Waterloo, sis. Satisfaction guaranteed. Email Nominations are requested for the folminute walk to uw. MatUre students only. Caroline and Erb Streets. Call 496-8273 zucker@mcmaster.caorphone905-525lowing seats on Senate: Graduate Student E-mail fnoormoh@alumni.uwaterloo.ca. and ask for Teresa or Bob. 9140. ext. 23438. Representatives - Two graduate students Room for rent for a quiet individual in a of the university to be elected by/from the detached home near both universities. full and part-time graduate students of Parking and all amenities. Please call the university, terms from May 1, 2005 1999 Pontiac Sunfire - 5 speed, 2 door, 725-5348. to April 30, 2007. Nomination forms are red, all new tires, good condition, New York Hostel - $20 per night - speFree Apartment Finder Services! Over available from the Secretariat (ext 6125) 108,000 km, $5,500. Call 575-1580. ciallong stay $105 per week, minimum 8,000 apartments in our database. We and from the Secretariat webpage; see 3 weeks - doubte room $60 1U1d $65 make appointments, you save time! High http://www.adm.uwaterloo.ca/infosec! Call GiSele at 1(212)666-0559 or fax rise, low rise, town homes, furnished and electiomlnomelections.htm. At least five 1(212)663-5000. unfurnished. All prices! Call now for this nominators are required in each case. free service. 310-7000. Weekend cou~sellor~ and relief staff to Nominations should be sent to the Chief work in homes for individuals with deReturning Officer, secretariat, Needles Three bedroom apartment for Septemvelopmental challenges. Minimum eightHall, room 3060 no later than 3:00 p.m., ber and May, $395 per room. Five bedmonth commitm~nt. Paid positions. Send Wednesday, March 30, 2005. Elections room apartment on 449 Hazel, $350 per' The MHATES program is looking fOf resume to Don Mader, K-W Habilitawill follow if necessary. Graduate sturoom September 1. 2005. Two one bedvolunteers. Students will receive training tion Services, 108 Sydney Street, dent member of Senate whose term exroom $900-$700, 122 Columbia, 8 to offer educational and support services Kitchener, ON, N2G 3V2. pires as of April 30, 2005 and is eligible rooms. 746-6327 or 501-1486. to peers coping with mental health issues. for Ie-election: Heather Murray (BiolWait persons with Sip program and line Call Waterloo Off-Campus Housing Applications available at Health ServiCes ogy). cooks needed weekends and weekdays (W,O.C.H.) for all your housing needs. 123B. at Angies. Call 747-1700, Sharon or Quality service and quality housing at. The City of Waterloo is recruiting volMike. www.rentwoch.com. 747-7276. unteers for Busker's Carnival, director of Imprint distribution workers needed for 23B High Street, off Hazel, on bus route administration and for Local Senior spring/summer term. Contact Laurie at to University. Three bedroom modern Games, organizer. Call 888-6488 or SLC1116 or e-mail , self-contained apartment with kitchen, wmacintosh@city.waterloo.on.ca for inMarch 2005 ads@imprint.uwaterloo.ca. livingroom, modern bathroom, laundry formation. ' (Needles Hall, ext 3585). Check it out! room with free washer/dryer. Lease May Now hiring student fundraisers! $8.50/ Creative submissions! The NewManic Financial Aid on the new Quest system. 1 or September 1, 2005 (12 month lease). hr to start. Work on campus, flexible Magazine is looking for writers - we are Check under 'Finances' to 'view your Fi$415/student/month, utilities included. hours, raises every 20 shifts. If you are a a new Oil-campus magazine, focusing on nancial Aid summary, including bursary Call June Smith (416) 491-1370 or (416) good communicator, euthusiastic and fiction, non-fiction poetry and visual arts. and scholarship awards. Not sure if your 705 -5 648. or e-mail dependable, then we want to talk to you. Send your submissions to fees are arranged? Check under your Acturtle005@rogers.com .. Please apply in person at the Office of uwarts.mag@gmail.com.. count Summary to view your registered Development in South Campus Hall. Available September 2005 to August 2006 Please include a cover letter, resume, class - five bedroom house. Great Uptown Waschedule and three references. terloo location. Close to all amenities. Parking and laundry facilities. Available Volunteer coaches wanted for KW Rowto a group of five at $319/student/month. ing Club. Please call 745-6276 for furCall Mike at 888-7377 or e-mail ther information. fastboat@golden.net. Help wanted for Summer - What do you September Rental - 3 bedroom ususally do when you have four hours of townhouse in student complex. Excelfree time? Socialize, watch a movie, read lent unit with new Carpets and vinyl bea book, exercise, daydream, nigh clubing installed before move in. New apbing or volunteer? We all have busy lives pliances. Utilities included $350 per bedthese days - we 'work, we go to school, room. Call Darlene 746-1411. we provide childcare, we socialize, etc., etc. Sometimes it seems that we just. do May Rental - 3 bedroom large multinot have the time to do anything else in level townhouse. Excellent student our lives. But did you know that it only townhouse. complex professionally man-

SERVICES

ANNOUNCE

HOUSING

'FORSALE

TRAVEL

HELP WANTED

VOLUNTEER

r--fR5hJqowe~at-------1

Pri'cesI

I I

8.I I

---------------WATERLOO

888-7070

status. National Student Loan Service Center is on campus every Friday, NH 1123, throughout March. Scholarships Available: QEII Silver Jubilee Award for Study in a Second Official Language for 2nd or 3rd year students who wish to pursue studies in their second official language at another Canadian university. The award value is $5,000 plus travel expenses. UW deadline is ¥arch 28, 2005. Millennium Excellence Award Program National In-Course Awards for full-time students completing 2nd year in any program. The award value is from $4,000 to $5,000! UW deadline is June 1,2005.

UPCOMING Thurs. March 31 & Fri. April 1,2005 Learning outside the box - there will be a keynote speech by Dr. Maggie Mamen Ph.D, C.Psych "Piece by piece: putting the LD puzzle together" Thursday u:om 6:30 to 9:00 p.m. at the Waterloo Memorial Recreation Centre. Friday there will be several workshops that run from 8:30 a.m. to' 3:30 p.m. Register online at www.learningoutsidethebox.ca or call Webster Educational at 519-884-0004. Saturday, April 2, 2005 Peace (personal and global) - an exploration in the light of universal spirituality, at uw, SLC rooms 2134/2135 at 7:00 p.m. The Waterloo Community Arts Centre (The Button Facrory) is delighted to host two art exhibits, The BIG show located in the upstairs gallery March 15 to April 19, and Linda Pereze's Existere'continuing to April 2. For further information, please contact Sher DiCiccio at 8864571. Monda~ApriI4,2005

4:00 to 6:00 p.m., Multi-Purpose Room, "The Revolution will not be Televised." Come see the film for free! With guest speaker Alex Grant of Hands Off Venezuela. Thursday, April 7, 2005 Single and Sexy auditions from 6:00 to 9:00 p.m. Watch Imprint for more details. ' Friday, April 8, 2005 The Waterloo Community Arts Centre (WCAC) is delighted to present Allison Lupton in the upstairs gallery at 8 p.m. TIckets are $15.00. Call to reserve your tickets at 886-4577. Saturday, April 9, 2005 Spring compost workshop - 925 Erb Waterloo from 1:00 to 4:30 Street, p.m. To reserve a seat call 883-5100, ext 8423.

w.,

sport,@imprinLuwaterloo.ca

Ii Jason Kennedy IMPRINT STAFF

A bronze medal forthe \"7arriors wom·· en's curling team highlighted their trip to the 2005 ASHAM Canadian University Curling Championships hosted by the Universit\, of Albetia from March 24-27. The \'\·'arriors men's curling team also had a strong showing at the championships, placing fifth in the nineteam tournament. Both \\'arriors curlingtearns started national tournament with losses to the University of Saskatchewan in the opening dm\v on the morning of J'v[arch 24. The Warriors rebounded, hO\.vever, with 'wins in the

s r follm.vil1g two games of tbe day. For thewon1en's team, victories came over .,\lberta 7-3 and Brandon 8-6. The mens' victories were over I\1anitoba by a 7··3 margin and Alberta 9-2. Heading into the matches on Friday, Match 25, the \'1;' at.rims teams both held claim to 2-1 rccords,s'Ood enough forafrrstplace tic in the women's casc. The men's team won both of their matches Friday with an 11-5 triumph over Concordia followed by a 12-9 win against Lethbridge. The lady Warriors only had one game on Friday and it was a 12-5 win over Lethbridge. The ,yomen's team proceeded to go 1-1 on Saturday, defeating Manitoba 63 but falling to the hcayily favoured University of Regina 8--3.

Newspapers still have sports sections?

I f you are reading this, you are stupid. :r don't mean to be harsh, but you really leave me no choice. It's not that you're daft for reading Two-lvlillute !Fml'lingspecifically--I'm not thtltself· deprecatlng. And it's not that you're reading Imprifltthat makes you a simpleton. But if you still get your sports fix bv flipping through the newspaper, you must be very, very stupid. Or, you must live in 1973. Either way, you're rnissing out on the explosion ofsports media in North America over the past two decades. The sports page is dead; murdered by a combination of cell phone scoreboard updates and si.x straight hours ofSpOrfJCelltreeverymorning. Nowa days, there aIe more sports rnedia outleI'S than Mike Tyson has subpoenas and the list just keeps growing. On television, ESPN and its Canadiatl eC1uivalemTSN are still at the top of the heap, classics within the genrenot to be confused with ESPN C!(/Ssics, a network devoted to tetro sports. There's Rogers Sportsnet, times four - one tor each region in Canada. And there is The Score television neD.vork, Canada's first 24-hour Spo11:S news channel. ESPNews is more than just a clever name, it's the ticker-heavy sports info channel south of the border. And Fox Sports World fills you in on athletics throughout the globe, where you'll be the ftrst to hear all the latest Indian and Pakistani cricket gossip. But sports television goes far beyond the broad-based networks, because you haven't even ventured north in the dial to find all those digital specialty channels. There, you'll find the NHL network, where programming is hard to come by these days. There's Horse Player Interactive, for the eight people in Canada that actually

need to see horse racing 24 hours ada}'. And then there's the original sports specialty network, The Golf Channel -whichis basically 20 hours adayof cure-your-slice product infomercials. There are even stations dedicated entirely to the Toronto Raptorg and Toronto I\fapleLeafs ---callit the alllosers net\",ork. And ifyour cable inexplicably goes out, ,here's always the World \\'ide \V'eb. All the TV networks havecorresponding web sites: espn.com and tsn.ca, just to name a couple. The major players in the sports publication world have sites too- TheSportiltgNews, The Hockey Nell)s and even Sports Illustrated have up-to-the-minute sites that are so thorough, they make the news in their publications obsolete (an odd marketing strategy, to say the least). But if you're looking for an apocal}-ptic sports media sign, look no further than ESPN's Tilt Sports Ri:/'ortm (and TSN's corresponding bastardized Canadian version). The Sunday morning prot-,'1:an1 has epitomized the demise of sports journalism, as the show consists of three or four newspaper columnists sitting around a table for 30 minutes, talking about the things they could have just as easily written about. Kind of like the mortling sports page, but without the hassle or mind expansion of reading. In any event, though, the morning paperis quickly becoming the last place to look for scores and game stories. I mean, who wants to open up a newspaper and fInd an inspiring, weJl-\vrit· ten story when Faceless Joe I'fighlight can deliver the goods in 30 seconds worth of TV time? A.s much as I hate t<> see sports journalism die at the hands of ESPN and TSN though, sports news television and Internet: updates are here to stay. Sowhilel could open upam;ws-paper and read about las t night's game, I'll just t;tke my six hours ()f Sports CC11ire, thank you very much. Maybe that makes me the stupid one. amcguire@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

At the end of round robin play, the women's team was in excellent shape with a 4-2 record that \vas good enough for third place. The record of four wins and two losses was good enough to qualify them for third place and a berth in the semi-final match against Saskatchewan with the winner set to play the University of Regina in the finals. LJ nfortunately for the lady \V'arriDrs, after tying tt'1e semi· final match at thtee ''lith a steal of one in the seventh end, the ladies gaye up two in the ninth and were outplared in the tenth. They failed to capitalize and ended up losing the game 6--3, corning home with the bronze medal.

at ur

111Cmen's team finished the round robin with a 4-4 record, which placed them in fifth spot 'l..11d out of playoff contention. Heading into the last day ofround robin play on Saturday, the men ,\'cre tied for fu-sl'with three matches to play. They failed to W.il1 any of their three matches Salurday, howcvex, ii-tiling to Winnipeg 12-4,Brandon 7..3 and Regina 6·4 in succession. The latter loss was in an extra frame. The men earned their fifth place finish on the basis of a skills competition. The three losses were a disappointing way to end an otc~envise successful season for the men's team. A \.vin.in anyone of their Saturday games wouldhayeguaranteedthemenatlcast a rie-breaker match.

Returning

10 th,~

women's

skip Marika Bakewell was voted by her curlir..g peers as I-he alt--smr skip for the tournament. Overall, the UniversityofSaskatch ewan Huskies won gold in both the men's and women's play. 'I11e Univer-sity of Regina ricke.x! up the silvermed ais for both men':; and women's e"ef1ts while the lJniversity of Winnipeg cap· tured bronze on the men's side. The national championships capped off an outstanding season for curling at the University of Waterloo which also saw the curlers take home double gold at the OUA champion. ships. jaykennedy@irnprint.uw8terloo.e<l

ssistant coaches: silent leader Dietrich,

Rod Mclachlan

- - - - , - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ..

IMPRINT STAFF

On a day when the atl->letics depru:tment recognizes outstanding achievement at its annual banquet, it's only fitting to acknowlcdg>~ the unacknowledged. In any sport, it's the little things like attention to detail and putting in that exttahourofone's time that can make the difference between victory and defeat. For lJ\1I;! men's hockey team assist ant coaches Shawn Dietrich, Graeme Swan and Brian Bourque, dedicating over 30 hours a 'week to the team is not unheard of. Although they do technically receive some payment, they are often thought of as volunteers. For the vast number of hours and huge effort that they put into the program, the small an10unt of money that they receive is often considered miniscule. But, money is not what drives them. \Vith the \'(iarriors moving from a 1-22-0 record before these coaches ar-t1ved two years ago to a 13-8-3 record this season under head coach I(ad Taylor, it's safe to say 111attheir dedi-· cation to the team has played no small part in the club's newtol.md success. "I believe that the time and effort they put forth cannot be matched by any volunteer and most fun .. time coaches around the CIS," offered f1tstyear UW winger Frank Fa7io. On or off the ice, nothing is above them, not even proofreading players' essays. "\X/hen you don't fed well, or want to take a day off all ,VI'! have to do as playersislookatthem and see that they never take a dayoff." It's not only their effort that is appreciated; it's their attitude that lnakes everyone take note ofwllitt they have to offer. "Bri.'1tl and Sh.au'11 both relate well to the players," explained Fazio. "They always come to the rink \vith smiles on their faces and try to make us better players."

"OUf eye in the sky" won because of his detailed talks tlmt gave us that extra edge over the other Dietrich is the analytical coaching team." genius, having been a bench boss in Flowever, it's Dietrich's in-game the Kitchenet-\l;'atelloo minor hockeJ abilities that afe even more useful. system for almost a decade. NaluralJy, "Shawn's ability to decipher the he is adept at organiL:inghockey camps and schools an invaluable skiU ro game, at game speed, was a major factorin ourteam's success," exphined have fora coach ofa team that featured \Varnors' captain Chris llopiavuori. 12 rookies tl1is season. "J was in more control of my "Sha,..m's analytic ability allowed him bench," explained Dietrich, referring to present plays that we, as players, to whathelearned 6:omhis time coachwere unable to see." ing in the local minor hockey leagues, But what arnazes the players about "andl couldidentifywith each player's Dietrich is thathe still finds the tUne to differentcharacterisgive back to the community and carryon a tics. Each player was unique." regular full-time job. But, moreimpor"1 can recall a goalie tan11y, Dietrich can school that a couple of relate to the athletes us players attended to lnecause he used to be help out with," added a vatsity hockey player MacGregor. "Shawn himselfat Conestoga was also there encourCollegeinI<itchener. aging the kids, even "Dietz," as he's though he did 1101 affectionately known have to be." VW ATHLETICS by 11le players, wot'ks "Shawn runs his more with the t1:ir- Warriors assistant coach own hockey camp in wards, breaking Shawn Dietrich. Waterlooandalsopar-do\vn video tape ticipates, throughout footage of other teams for the \'i;'arrithe SlUl1mer, in hockey development ors. camps throughout the region," "Dietz takes care of all the st'ats added Hopiavuori. "It would be 1m·· for our team which are far mOl-e inpossible to devote as much rime as depth statistics than I have seen in Shawn does to the Universityof\"7aany other organization," comtedoo hockey program without bemented UW winger Ryan ing passionate about the sport of hockey. MacGregor. "He also has gone on plenty of "My other job is I am the manager scouting trips to other schools retumofGus Maue Spons, a sporting-goods ing with amazing reviews that have retail shop here in \'o['aterloo," condefinitely helped this program get to fessed Dietrich, who is also the owner where it is today." ofFitstLine Hockey School, wt-,ich he Although his tasks are too numermanages in the off-season. "I manage ous to list, he docs take care of things the t,vo jobs by purring in long hours. like in-dep111 statistics and relaying use Bottom line. Plus I have a passion for both things I do." fuI srrategytips to the players during a game. His rarionale for puttingin over 25 "Before every game he would meet hours it week at the rink plus extra tUne with us and go over every little detail at home doing analysis is that \'(larriand strategy of our game plan as well ors hockey is simply something that as whatto expect 6:om the other team," he loves. offered fIrst-year centre Matt Levicki. "\X'ho knows how many games we See COACHES, page 28

FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 2005

Campus Rec banquet honours volunteers

Coaches: passion and

Laura Katsirdakis EDITOR-iN-CHIEF

On Wednesday, March 23, Campus Rec held its annual banquetrecognizing outstanding contributors. The Hopkins-Kemp honourary achievement award, which is named for the founders ofCampus Rec, Peter Hopkins and Sally Kemp, went to Peter Wittington. ''Pete has had his handineveryarea ofCampus Recreationin his time completinghis undergraduate degree... [and] his Masters," saidRebecca White, Campus Rec co-ordinatorin fitness, aquatics and first-aid. The recipients of the 2005 outstanding graduating seniors award were Darren Giles, Elaine Bonvainie, Kyle Smith, Adam Steeves, Ian Harrower, Justing Fluit, Chris Girard, JeremyWolf,NadinaImamovic,Dave Hinton, Brian Smith, Elizabeth Vesnaver, Elizabeth Zajec, Sunniva Bruce and Tara Hayes. The Jed Whiteside award went to Elaine Bonvanie and Darren Giles. This award recognizes studentleaders whose contributions to Campus Rec have an outstanding impact. Bonvanie and Giles organized this year's3-on-3Matcb.Madnessbascketball tournament and helped double the size ofthe event, raising $2,000 for the Heart and Stroke Foundation.

Hopkins-Kemp Award winner Peter Whittington with Campus Rec co-ordinator Rebecca White after receiving his award.

editor@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

're on ed. board

a love of the game aboutmentallyprepatingto compete." As for his own goals, it is his love ofdoing video analysis in order to help "I would like to see how far it can the team that drives him. take me in the hockey world," ex''I work hard at schoolto complete plained Dietrich. as much work as possible which allows me to focus on hockey tasks later Bourque, "our in the evening," wrote Roger Neilson" Bourque in an eHaving a famous mail. ''1 tend not to hockey last name is need a lot ofsleep and very appropriate for a complete the majorcoach like Bourque, ity of hockey-based who is very knowlwork once my family edgeablein both kinehas gone to bed." siology and sports Thiseffortis somepsychology. thing that the players After spending both recognize and two years as an assistvalue to a high extent. UW ATHlETICS ant to the Newmarket "His analytical apWarriors assistant coach proach brings a diHurricanes, a tier-II Ontario junior-A Brian Bourque mension to our team club, the quiet-manthat no one else in nered Nova Scotia native gained a Ontario has," confessed Germain. working familiarity of the talent ofthe "His psychology background has been tier-II league that has been invaluable the biggest influence on me this year to Taylors recruiting efforts. and I consider myself stronger menBourque had also spent some time tally this year for having played under coachlngwith both York and Ryerson him." universities in the OUA before amvBourque says that he dedicates so ingatUW. much extra time because he lOVes to "Spending time at York and coachandhelikesworkingwithpeople. Ryerson prior to Waterloo allowed me ''It is a thrill to see the players develop as athletes and people," exto step into theleaguewith confidence that I knew what it took. to help deplained Bourque. velop a winning organization," comSwan, 路our goalie guru" mented Bourque. His Ontario varsity experiencewas Workingmainlywith onlythreeplayers ontheream-goaltendersNickPannoni, also a comfort to Taylor, who had mostly been faCurtisDarlingand Matt McGaheymiliar with uniGraeme Swan's versity-level "In all my years, I hockey in Alberta value to the teamis and New Brunsoften overlooked. have never seen a The fact that wick. coach with the pas- Darling was Now with the named OUA ~.arriors, sion that Brian Bourque deWestRookieofthe brings to the game," Year and was scribes his duties as "assisting Karl named to the West - Shawn Germain division's first allto develop game Warriors defenseman star team and its plans, assistingin practice impleall-rookie team is mentation, coorcertainly a testadinating the defencemen's ice time mentto Swan's dedication andinstruction. during games, assisting the players in their competition planning (sports For some teams having two firstpsychology-based talks), video game yeargoalieswouldhavebeenaliability, breakdown and creatinghighlightvidbut Swan was successfully able to help eos for motivation." both Pannoni and Darlingadjust tolife intheOUAwbileworkingwithallthree As ifthis weren't enough, Bourque is also a dedicated father, husband and netmindersacoupleoftimeseachweek. full-time high school math teacher. "He has been around the game's ''In aIlmy years, I have never seen best goalie coaches and is respected at a coach with the passion that Brian every level for his knowledge of the brings to the game," offered rookie position," praised Pannoni. defenceman Shawn Germain. "Hav"He acts as both a shrink and a ing a wife and three little girls at home technique analyst, {and] he has a great goes to show you how much dedica- personality that helps keep everyone on an even keel." tion it would take for someone like Brian to do what he does." Consideringtheneedforgoaltendets And what Bourque does is set tarto be in the right frame ofmind, Swan's gets, both his own and for the players. sports psychology knowledge is defi''The goal is always to help the nitely a welcome asset to everyone. athlete find out what he needs to do And, most importantly he's "also physicallyandmentally to play his best a great family guy," added Pannoni. consistently," explained Bourque. "Karl has been very accepting of this -withfiksfrom UWmen~ hoc~website are!L and has given me the rmclachlan@imprint.uwaterloo.ca resJtonsibility of talkingto the players

Continued from page 21