2004-05_v27_n08_imprint by Editor Imprint

UNIV~RSITY OFWA'rERL90

STUDENT NEWSPAPER

SEPTEMBER

3, 2004

VOL

27, No 8 ,

IMPRINT. UWATERLOO .CA

St1.lderitparking, services overhauled Regulations changed for students, but not for faculty, staff or residence parking Tom Levesque IMPRINT STAFF

Many students will find themselves parking in unfamiliar territory starting this semester when changes to UW Parking Services' regulations are scheduledto take effect. When students purchase parking passes for the Fall 2004 term, they will ,;.beqe able tQ park in lots C; N, W or X. . ·~tf op.e lot IS full, they awill have to try the next available lot Studentswill.no longer have "guaranteed" parIcihgin a particular lot, but should be able to park aos~tto th!!irdest!nation on most LOcatedn~1! sooth

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campus aftl1e

comerofUniversity Ave. and Seagram

Di.,lot Cis thelargestofthegtoup. Lot N is situated near the north campus

. Pa~king 0" <einnpusis a hassle.One~riveroptedtQ. park their vehicle on the walkway leading to the S1udent Life Centre. • UWstudent semi-finalist In "As Prime Minister" contest Chri&tine Loureiro IMPRINT STAFF

So much for the typical techie rap-in thepastthteeyears, five UW students have qualified to compete in the upper levels of Magna International's "As Prime Minister" competition, all of themin technical fields ofstudy. Wendy Yu,afourthyearactuarialscieneemajor, is not only UW's most recent installment of techno-political superstudent, but one of the most successful to date. Yu is a semi-finalist in the essay competition, and as a finalist, has already won $10,000 and four-month internship with Magna Canada valued at $15,000 with her paper on Canada's role in the global community. The "As Prime Minister" contest calls for Canadian cOllege or university students to submit a mrucimum2,500 word essay in response ~o a question· which varies slightly from year to year; asking students to assume the role and perspective of this country's higheSt~

OfUW, her field of study and how·· Magna International, Canada's largest elected position. The 2004 question as~ed: "Ifyou were the prime minister they relate to a seemingly politics heavy supplier of automotive systems and of Canada, what political vision would competition, Yu thinks "definitely components, has been sponsoring the you offer to improve our living standmath and engineering students would competition since 1994. ards and ensure.a secure· and prosperbe a minority. According to the As Prime Minister ous global community?" ''1 think at Waterloo, students are web site, 50 semi-finalists are chosen to According to Wu, her· status as a not as involved, our student politics are present their "innovative visions and techrticalstudentprovided a "competinot as intense, but students are more ideas bef6re a national panel ofjudges" tive edge" in this competition. "As far proud ofbeingtechrtically brilliant and in Toronto, and submit to a questionas myessaJ'," she told Imprint, "I bring good at just one thing," she continued. irlgperiod before receivinga$500 pl:ize ina business backgtound." Most ofthe "Focus on what you're familiarwith. I and certificate ofachievement Yusaid semi-finalists she met were law stuthink a lot of the students there wrote the tone of the 20-minute question dents or political science majors, but period was not overly critical and that very broad based papers and then they she thinks her business· backgtound were probably more netvous than me the judges were fairly nice. makes her unique. Her essay's central because they covered so many different After close scrutiny by a national types of ideas." theme was on the relationship between panel of judges, which has previously government and corporations, and The "AsPrimdvIinister" competiincfudedCfV'~MikeDuffyandl\fichael explore.d corporate behaviour and sotionprovidesstudents With total prizes Harris (rio, noi:that()ne~a journanst, cial aWftreness, tlle benefits of investvalued at $500,000. Its goals? HThe 'As author and broadcaster), among othmentresearch and potential changes to Prime Minister' Awards progtarn was ers, 10 finalists are then chosen to travel the C~nada Pensiop. plan base~ on the , inspired by. Frank Stronach [l'vfagna to Parliament Hill to formally present their' essa);s to the Prime K1iOister of' Swedish account-based model. Her founder andfotmer CEO] to facilitate focus on the CahadaPension Plarlwas and instigate the presentation and exCanada, receivinga cheque for $1 0,000 one ofthe more techrticalaspects,heav"' change of ideas - all geared. towards andafour-monthMagnaIntemational ily influence by her tWowotk terms in . makingCai:ladaa betterplace~" accord- internship in the process. By contrast, pension consulting finns. irlg to the As Prime Ministerweb site. . the nationalwinner receives a prize of

entrance; just off Columbia. Students with.term parkingpasses who frequent the Columbia Icefields gymnasium will be able to uSe lot W, formerly a $3 I day restricted access lot. Last but not least, 10tXis located just behind the optometry building and also within walking distance of CIFand the north regions of campus. Parking gates on the four new studendots have been removed, so swipe cards are no longer necessary; a windQw decal will suffice. Since the same four lots are also designated as "visitor" parking, part time students and other visitors will be able to use of "pay and display"machines and share spots in these lots with student parking pass holders. The~ost ofa term permit for lots C, N, W and X is $92.00 for a student residentand$105.80foranoffcampus student. Faculty, staff and residence parking remain largely unaffected by these changes. tlevesque@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

$20,000 and a year-longinternship with l\fagnaIntemational, valued at $50,000. Yu learned of the competition after reading about a previous entrant's success inImptint, at which point she made a note to er'Iter the 2004 contest. cloJJreiro@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

-for more on this story, visit http://imprint.uwaterloo.ca

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"This is my third degree •.•I'm excited to meet peers and profs." , Susan Mathers ~Iom) School of Planning

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34. Renee Zellwegeropposite Jim Carrey 35. Low point 36. Half the binary system 37. Be careful not to do this 38. Get naked , '39. Female reproductive cell 40~ OJ's judge , 41. R!;:spond 42. Bat brim 44. Of unsound mind 47. Global Montessori or~ation 48. Slippery拢sh 49; Frequent Ikea customer habit 57. The lowest female voice 58. Garlic triayonnaise 59. Ventg:a.ses. . 61. Ca{1adj,afl cellist 62.A summer staple 63.Cause annoyance 64. Middayin the church 65. Take,a note 66. Wild plum

27. Give away the secret 28. Only the nest beer is draft 29'. TWot of unconsciousness 30. Make chat1ges 31. Pushup 32. Poetic stanza diplomat 33. Risingquadropeds 38. Next to thelecture 41. Gypsy people 42. Switch directions sharply 43. Not the outliers '45. In collusion '46. White sheep 49. Florida reefs 50. Healing plant 51. Hadeanri,ver 52; How much you Inake a day, 53. The centre of the universe, 54.G~duate

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Down

Neal Moogk-:SouUs CROSSWORD Across 1. About anyone by clergy 5. The apostle commonly known as P;tW 9; Unfocussed British band ' 13. The year, of Our Lord

1. You'll never find an artsy here 2. start over 3. Do y(:m dig i t ? ; . 4.Y6ur ~anguage after~ f~ drinks? '"5.Most ttoshwillheara fe'winthe fir~tweek 6. Expose' over the airwave~ 7. An element of the whole 8. Belgian feminist author lrigaray 9. Knock the wind out of your sails .14. Frequentwall decoration in a residence room. 16.Europeancurrency . . 10. A name for a cow? 11. Principle ingredient in urine 17.Sqfrwaretestprograrn . 12. Hogtie 18. WriterJong15. A white carrot 19. How to remove coupons 21. Suffer through it 20. Sauce created by Lea and Perrins 22. Lemons and limes 23. Usenetsocieties 25. Movie spin-offs " 24. Star Trek's horrie star . 25. What do ask for in Greei< muse of lOve poetry .,,;',*~,'

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'1. "... wheni~nlial:1hngabout~r and when he's tal'king about ~au of us are talking about me." -'- May 31, 2000. '", SLYFEM

6.'~If you don't st:and for _ _, you don't stand :for __,!" - Nov. 2, 2000 GAIN,NYTH '

7. "We're going to have the best 2. "It is clear out' nation is l;eliant upon big

foreign oil. More and more of our _ _ come from overseas." ,.,.. Sep. 25, 2000.

educated American people in the _ _ _. ~ - Sept. 27,1997.

DROWL

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3. "A key to foreign policy is to rely on __:_." - Nov. 1, 2000 N E' L C A I Rd.E

8. "A low voter is an indication of fewer people going to the polls." - (Note: This has also been attributed to Dan Quayle,~.e. Bush Seniorjs Vice PreSident)

TUTORNU

[lrlllill 4. "It's very important for folks to understand that w1i.en there's more ." - Apr. trade, there's more 21, 2000. ME CCR 0 ME.

5. "_'_ means a little money left over: otherwise it wouldn't be called a _ " - Oct. 27, 2000.

USLURPS

Final Quote Like his father before him ("It's no exaggeration to say the undecideds . could go one way or another." Oct. 21,1988.), Dubya has a knack for stating the obvious:

"There is a lot of and I guess thereis going to be a lot of. ' until the ends." -"'-~ - Oct. 18, 1998.

FRIDAY. SEPTEMBER 3, 2004

EWS

. news@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Creation of a new UW School of Pharmacy announced

Mark Stratford IMPRINT STAFF

Universities/Colleges An assistant. professor of psychology at Carleton University received a grant from the Canada Foundation for Innovation last month to establish a new happiness laboratory on campus. Prof. John Zelenski and his 'students plan to use the $189,647 to study why some people are happier than others and what it is that keeps thetn so happy. "I'm completely baffled by' my happiness," admits Zelenski, who hopes to do enough research to eventually proyide a greater understanding of depressiot;l and related mental illnesses. Canada Parliament Member Carolyn Parrish is under fire for callfng Americans "idiots" on Augusi25 while discussing the planned US missile defence system to a group of demonstrators. ''We are not joining the coalition of the .idiots. We are joining the coalition of the wise," she;aid: She then later denied the remarks and, upon learning they had been recorded on tape, pleaded that reporters not use her words against her. Parrish, who is known for making looselipped c;omments concerning her adversaries-, found herself insimilar hot wateJ;. puor to the itaqwar~'When she said that shehated "'darrui.ed Americans" and called them bastards; she later apologized for those remarks. international M~ry Anne Chambers, minister of training, colleges and universities, speaks at the school or pharmacy announcem~nt.

School will h'e located in Kitchener's downtown core Lauren Fox IMPRINT STAFF .

The University of Waterloo's campus is ever expanding. There are newarchitec!U!e facilities in Cambridge and on August 11, UW administratio,n along with local and provincial governrtJ.ent representatives, announced a new campus in downtown Kitchener for health sci. ences. This project will be anchored by a school ofpharmacy and include a family medicine teaching centre that will combine clinical care with teaching and research in family medicine. This is the second school of pharmacy in Ontario. The ftrst is in the University of Toronto.

UW plans to collaborate research with the pharmacyschool at UofT, as well as adapting UofT's existing curriculum. Ukemany other programs atUW, there will be regular and co-op pro.grams,aswellascourses offered bydistanceeducation. "Our government ljirns to provide better . access to quality health care, so we are pleased to support this innovative pran to establish a new School of Pharmacy," said Mary Anne thambers, minister of training colleges and universities. The pharmacy school plans to graduate approximately 120 students each year, which will help ftll the ne~d for health professionals in

OlJtario. There is a higil demand for pharmaciSts innort:h.em Ontario. With advice from Laurentian University, they will be able to provide pharmacy placements to the most appropriate locations in this region. UW will also provide an international pharmacy graduate program. at the provincial government's request, that will increase opportunities for internationally trained pharmacists to upgrade thek credentials. They will be able to do so either by attending regular classes or by taking distance education. Recently there has been a shortage ~f doctors in the K-W area, wi,th an estimated 37,000 residents without a family physician. See PHARMACY on page 7

China has launched their fIrst-ever nationwide female sex survey. The Chinese InstituteofSexology and the Chinese Medical Association are working with Sina.com to provide women aged 21 and over with a host of questions designed to analyze women's sexual behaviours and perceptions. Similar surveys. conducted in China in the past have generated shocking results, like the fact that only 50 per cent of Chinese women reported ever having experienced an orgasm during sex. Also, 91 per cent of Chinese women believe that sex discrimination is present in the workplace, and that many women feel it improves their chances of flnding work if they send employers att}:active pictures of themselves or written summaries of their singing, dancing and drinking skill~.

The town of Bunol, Spain celebrated the world's largest food fIght on August 18. Town locals boarded up their windows, locked their doors and got really, really drunk to prep~re for the event, in which 130 cludes conducting a variety ofsymphonic ensemtons of tomatoes were bro'ught in for the sole purpose of being hue ked at fellow bles r~g from student orchestras at Wilfrid Laurier and the Brandon University School of civilians and visitors, all of whom had come Music, to the fully professional Canadian Cham- . . specifically for the food fight. The hourber Ensemble, and Orchestra London. Most long battle left the town and several of its. occupants covered in red slimy pulp, but recently she concluded a six-year tenure with the except for the mess, most participants found KW Symphony Youth Orchestra. it highly entertaining. "It's fantastic, the The name, Orchestra@uwaterloo, was chomost fun I have ever had," said Irish toursen because it makes the distinction that this is ist Clarissa Hills. "I've been waiting for this not a music department orchestra. Orchestra@uwaterloo's ftrst concert is day since January." A tomato then hit her in the head. ., plarmed for December 2, and there will be another concert at the end for the winter term.

Orchestra@uwaterloo: a creative addition September wili mark the ftrst term that the orchestra meets. There will be an open reht;arsal â&#x20AC;˘ September16 at 7 p.m.. The rehearsal, which was originally to be heldin Renison College Chapel, For the ftrsttime, UW will have an orchestra. For will be moved to a larger venue due to the those ofyouwho spend all your time in a lab, here overwhelming response. is an opportunity to engage your creative side. Anyone is welcome to register for the ope~ Anna Lubiw, committee chairperson for rehearsal on the orchestra's website, . Orchestra@UWaterloo, explained there was a need to start up an orchestra here because UW www.orchestra.uwaterloo.ca. So far, more than 70 faculty, staff, al\unruand students have regislacks an extensive music program.. tered, on variety ofinstruments. Auditions will Music director, Eroa Van Daeleand concert be held again in J anuarr to allow people on co.master Romy Shioda wantedto p~ovide a place for op the chance to participate. the talented musicians at UW to play music, Lubiw said. . Music director Erna Van Daele's res\lffie inLauren Fox

IMPRINT STAFFÂˇ

Ifox@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

mstratford@impririt.uwaterloo.ca

Your Leaders are using our phones

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3,2004

, >

. Shouldn-'tyou be. to? .

OCUFA: universities~hou1d fall under freedom of information l~gislation

Check out students.canadian-wlreless.com' for your excllJsive UW plans that include

Laura Katsirdakis

request: "We indicated they could provide whatever information they had on me about UW," she said, explaining the ministry already ha,d the Should universities, which receive large amoUnts infor~ation and was asking for permission to " of public funding, be held to th~ same stand- releaseittoOCUFA. ards of accountability as public institutions?A Sykes explained the request that came distUdy, released August 3 by the Ontario Conreedy from OCUFAwas sent to Bob Truman, in Institutional Analysis and Planning. Truman federation of University Faculty Associations (OCUFA), has raised the question of whether could not be reached for comment. Accordingto Spence, severalothcr,provinces universities should fall under Ontario's Freedom ofInformation and Protection ofPrlvacy in Canada place universities under freedom 9f Act (FIPPA).· . information legislation. According to Bob Spence, cotnrnunicatiops ''This office and the commissioner has called .coordinator for the information and privacy on the government to bring universities and. commissioner of Ontario, FIPPA came into hospitals under freedom of information laws effectJanuary 1,1988 and its municipal equiva-allinstitutions that are primarily public should lent came into effect on January 1, 1991. Its he [under such legislation]," Spence said. pwpose was to ensure that all public sector "The government is committed to open'~'. institutions werere,quired to disclose informaness, transparency and ac~essibility," said'Rob tion.in a timely manner. Univetsities were not Thomson, spokesman for the minister of ir~ included under this legislation. ing,colleges and universities, adding the minThe Council of Ontario Universitie~ devised isteris currently considering the issue ofincludan alt&rtative standai-din l~S by which univering universities arid hospitals In PIPPA ' sities wereencouragedt~:somply, however it TlteO~UFAreportconcluded, "despite ashas always be~n a cornple~fy voluntary system. serlii:)ils frPm CO U and the institutions them- , "[The report was interlded to] ask how seive~;a request for data which should not be much oEa substitute is [the COU guidelines] confidential has demonstrated that theindifor FIPPA," said Mar~ ~osenfeld, associate .Vitl~p.olicies simply are not good enough. executivedirettor atOCUFA. ' . Idaddi.tiol;l~ tolegislateci" tirile frames· for reAc~ord.l.Ugtothe OCU,EAreport, "[researchsP?nS:e;iddependent appeaJ ~et-h.anisms, idenerssent] identical access rc,:quests regarding the tical and requiremenfs and processes foreach . number of university faculty hired in each year inStitutiQn.· and. few-et exemption lm>pholes, from 1999 to thepres.ent.'''the accompanyin.gFI'PPAfo~es~publi¢ly funded insqtutions to chart shows ,that orily.$~V:en universities sent '~iilll\l¥~~agetieralcontexto£inf0rtruitiQn ., information, andofthese,orilythree sent com-~h:a:ring:".·". ::'plete fufohnatioh 'i\< . .~~;:~ ''''The [COU] ghldeliries tefl~ctthe spirit of EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

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, ..~~et~~~~eqw:t, .... provide to the gov" . earl,ierin the yt:arto qualify for Quality Assurance Fund assistance, universities don't want to be transparent ig~ so it should have been a simple task nores the ways in which they are completely R.os~nfeld conftrmed the report listed oW transparent," she said, explaining most boards as orieofthe schoolst!.l~fdid not respond to ofclli;ectors ofOn!ario universities include reprequests for information. However, in an Au: resentatives of students; faculty and alumni. , gust 9 interview he added alerter did arrive from' Cadieux explained she wa~ not able to comUW respo.nding to the study's inquiry. ment on individual cases of universities b(!ing Rosenfeld noted OCUFA's request was sent on inconsistent in their adherence to the COU April 25, 2004, soUW's response, which was guidelines, as that is a concern ofeach individual date~ August 5, took thrfe and a half months . institution. toamve. "Universities as public institutions should Susan Sykes, theuniversityco~sionerfor be held accountable to the public, which inprotection ofpriv:~cy andfte~om of informa:: cludes students, who contribute a large part of !ion, noted the OCUFAreport did not mention 'theiroper:atingbudge~tpoinfedoutJeffHenry, that it serit the same request to the ministry,of Feds VP education, adding, "students should training, colleges and UI1iv:ersities that it sent to , be able to be the full partners that our contribueach university. This meruit each university had tion warrants. Ifwe can have to access to inforto respond to OCUFA's request and th.e same macion that allows us to do that, we will be able request from ·the ministry. to participate fully." Sykes noted she responded to the ministry's

FRIDAY. SEPTEMBER 3,2004

New school to ease doctor shortage PHARMACY from page 5

Wading through the mass of media ,

The school will be located on 8.27 acres of land at the corner of King St. and Victoria St. Construction on the new campus is tentatively scheduled to begin in 2005, with the first students arriving in The world is full of stories - a limit2007. The Family Medicine Teaching less supply. Every minute of any day, more things happen in the world than Centre will beg~n phase one of renowe could possibly absorb. IIi order to vatious in an existing building near cop'e, our stories are flltered in several the new campus in 200.S, in order to ' ways: newspapers, television, radio provide fot new. medical trainees the Internet; " ,for the 2005-2006 academic year. Of the four media, television and ,iadio-especiallyoncecommercialsare Ifox@imprint.uwaterloo'.ca involved - are the most limiting. The cropped timespan, 22 minutes inahalfhour television

Neal

In apress release, the UW administration expressed the hope that this ~ill encourage interns to train here and eventually set up practices in the community. The UW campus is part of the' City ofKitchener's strategy to build the education and knowledge creation cluster that exists in the region. Having more than 1,200 students" staff and faculty in the city's core will generate significant economic ben, efits for the downtown.

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nightly newscastwas thatit contained ill the middle. It can present a larger less information than the front page vplume of content than a television or . radio program, but it is more organof most daily newspapers. i recently heard tl:1e host of CBC ized than the Internet. Granted, most Iqaluit's momingradio show on CBC news organizations have web sites Toronto's Metro Morning. She and many of them are nice enough to seemed shell-shocked. Northerners, 'let you read the information for free, she said, were storytellers. Her old but even then, they are organized to mornirig show lasted over three hours . some ?egree. The biggest problem' with newspapers are their deadlines. and~volvedlengthy segments. When I heard her, she was wedged into what What with one thing and another, seemed to be a 180-second gap beI am writing this column"over two , tween the traffic and th~ weather re- weeks before it goes to print. In the ports, alongside a commentary on , normal press cycle, most content is northern art. So many stories needed submitted on Tuesday, organized on to be accommodated· that they Wednesday, printed on Thursdayand delivered Friday. Anything that hapamounted to briefs. News is so distilled, Qnly the basest of messages can pens after Wednesday is simply l?-earbe projected. say and rumours. This issue cim be difficult for an At the other end of the scale, the Internetis an unlimited trov~ ofinfor~ , editor to face. Should they run Saturday's big story, which won't be read mation, if one can only wade throug4. the reams of useless material, pop~up until the following Friday, or wait to see if something else happ~ns l~ter? ads and spyware programs. Naturally, as any InternetconnoisWhat if the photographer misses seur will tell you, the use of search the photo opportunity, or the main engines is beginning to bring order to story contact is unavailable? These this still juvenile system of informatypes of factors limit every news ortionthough they shouldn't be trusted. ganization thatreaches you. Where do Search engines, through cash or sheer •tl;tey draw the line in the sand? . popularity, limit the options that'a There are so many stories to telland user has. so little time and space to tell them in. Hopefully between these pages you'll The power of the Internet comes from its rapid outpurof inforrt;tation, fmd a few good stories, butthenthenw.dsimply$huts!ioWn., This pUts the newspaper squarely neal@imprint.uwaterlpo.c,B.

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The cult of the remarkable Yoda Sasha Gutfraind FOREIGN MATTERS 1483 and 1486 may seem like numbers pulled out of hat. Actually, these are the index numbers of a remarkable course-perhaps the bestofall courses in out university. The course is-Intro.ductory Mictoeconomics and it's taught bya professor With the very common name ofLarry Smith. YetLarry Smith is not just a professor. Instead, he is also the gurU of a cult.. Known as ''Yoda" to his followers, he is at the centre of a 12,000 member religion. Many of the thousands of students thatYoda has taught over the years belong to 'the cult. I myself am a member. Over 20 years of teaching has dispersed Yoda's J edis far and Wide. They have infiltrated organizations large and sm~. They have found places in goyemment and busmesses. They have spread far beyondlhe borders of our' country to many foreign lands. From those far reaChes they send Yodainforc matton and reports. In effect, Y oda is at the center of the largest ever private spy network. The informati9n £Iowingin~qIl?-~espi9lsfeaturesin Yoda's

lectures and presentations. The lectures become interesting and relevant - attracting new recruits, creating a new generatio~ ofJedis. ' My personal membership b~ when a fiiendhaveinvitedmeto see one ofYoda's lectures. Afterwards, I just kept coming. There' was something magical about those lectures. In normal lectures, I work hard to learn each sentence. With Yoda, the material,seemed

he is also the guru or a cult. KnC?wn as 'Voda' to his follow. ers, he is at the .centre of a 12,000 member religion. Many of the thousands of stLidentsthat Yoda has taught over the years b~long to the . cult." 11 •••

irresistable.Mostimportantly,I had no trouble answering the question "why amlhere?"Theans~erwasselfcevident

''Because economics is coo!!" I took all the courses LarrySnlith taught. Unfortunately, therewere onIy two: Introductory.Microeconimics and

11 e vV S

Wanna be startin' somethin'?

Introductory Macroeconomics. I have Kitc~ener developed an obsession for both subjects. Afterawhile I re,alize that knowing e<;onorillcs is not Qnly cool but also usefuLlwaslikePererParkerinSpiderman1, Mark Stratford just realizing that I could climb walls.. IMPRINT STAFF In a sense, Yoda's economics is supernatural. Taking the courses inThere is never a. dull moment in stills a feeling of superhuman powers. Kitchener. Somethingis'always going A (ollowerofYoda's teachings knows, . on; such as a protest or a guest speake:r sees and does more than a mere mor7 or sometimes even a police-intercepted tal. Like The Matrix's main character death threat vaulted towards one of Neo, Yoda;s Jedis can see the giant the most Widely discussed celebriti~s . comp~ter behind the wallpaper ofreon the planet. ality. ''The ·world is predictable," is On August 21, Kitchener resident Yoda's gr.e~test lesson. Adrian Poffleywas arrested fore-mailFor studentS just arriVing io Wac ing a death threat to pop star Michael terloo, taking an obscure economics . course is just one choice out of many Jackson, who is notoriously ba~k in co~t fighting his latest allegations of other possible courses. Economics is . child molestation. Waterloo Regional .often not a degree requirement. Police were stunned to receive a call LarrySmithisaremarkableprofesfrom police on August .16 in Santa sor among his distinguished colBarbara, California, where the e-mail leagues. He has received several teachhad been senUo the courthouse holdingawards, as well as theunprecidented ingJ ackson's latest hearing. award of being "the most. quotable to Waterloo Sergeant According professor" by MathSoc. Bryan Larkin, American authorities Another reason to take his course is more fundamental. All of us will were able to trace the lJlessage back to a KitcheQer address which was then eventually have tOa(lswerthe qUesquickly searched by Waterloo police. ti6n: ''was Waterloo anY good?" Could it be the shabby brick builds littered The homeowner's computer and other Within the ring road? Could it be the· . belongings were quickly seized, and Pof£leywas Charged and arrested shortly the cheap pizza on university plaza? after. No, we are here because this universitY The e-mail arrived at. the~court hltspepplelike l.'arry''Y9 da" Smith. house at 5 ~.ln., a few hourS before J ackson appeared~ It is unknown agutfraind@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

man arrested after sending death threat to MichaelJackson's courthouse whether or not the pop musiC legend had the pleasure of reading the mess~.

I can't get into the contents of the e-mail, butitis fair to say it did cause enough concern," Larkin' told The GhbeandMaiI.The26-year-oldPoffley, who claims to suffer from a bipolar disorder, has been charged With making a death threat, and while neith,er Waterloo nor Santa Barbara police released the contents ofthe threat,Poffley told The Globe and Mail that he was trying to draw attention to the molestationcase. "I wrote he wasn't going to make it to his car alive," said Poffley in the interview. (A separate int~rvie)V With The Record, in which Poffley yelled at the reporter about how scared he was at the possibility of jail time before sl3.mming the phone down, went less sWimmingly.) Jacksonis currentlyfacing 10 felony counts ofmolestation,conspiraq and plyingachildWithwine.Hehaspleaded innocent on all charges. His trial is set tobeginJanuary31.Poffleywillappear in court on September 24.

_. With reports fom The NaJionalPost and E! OnliRe News rilstratford@imprint.uwaterl()().~a

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Imprint is published by Imprint Publications Student Life Centr~ 1116 University ofWaterloo Waterloo, ON .N2L 3G1

University life: it ain't no paradise laura Katsirdakis

KATS GOT YOUR TONGUE University c,an sometimes feel like an idy~c haven of academic discussion and freedom of expression. After all, when else will we have time to focus on academic pursuits arid let debates ramble on for as long as we wish? For those of us who spend much of out studies dealing with theory, it almost seems as if university is isolated from the real world; a little bubble we affectionately call home. Well, that would be a nice fantasy.

The truth is, this illusion lasts only It explained, "While this may be as long as we avoid picking up a·newsconsidered a hate crime ora despicable paper. act, ids not. We are just getting back at At Ryerson University on the week the Muslim that vandalized Jewish ofAugust 11, several flyers were found . property and wrote anti-Semitic graffiti. We assure the Muslim students at in well-trafficked areas of campus Ryerson University that we will conspreading messages of hate. "The Islamic infidels have no be~ tinue to send messages and iliat this longing in Toronto and in the world incident is only the first of many. We at all ... we ask that whenever you spot want to let them know that no Muslim student will be safe and that secua Muslim .. ;that you beat them and rity isn't going to stop us." caus~ harm to them. Kill these Islamic 'infidels," on~of the flyers read. This Thesewords of hate make my skin message was signed by a group c~ed crawl with disgust. This university, .this place of learning, is certainly not The Full Blooded Israeli Brigades. A second message, signed by"FBC isolated. The international conflicts Ridaz," claimed responsibility for an we see on the evening news are playing themselves out in our midst. incident on June 23, 2004, when the There is no place in the world where school's multi-faith prayer room was vandalized with "Die Muslims die," one can go to escape the politics that and the Star of David drawn on walls. arise when, people come into conflict

Ow! I hurt my Hector's

Serena Wong

SHINY OBJECTS During the course of the school year, it's surprisingly easy ~o completely cut yourselfoff from the goings-on in the country and indeed the world. Unless a conscious effort is made to read or watch the news, we can quite easily make it through an entire term without learning much more than what's in the nightly monologues of Letterman, Leno or O'Brien. Which is why it's so great that students get a free newspaper on campus - to make it that much easier when you're hanging around the SLC ortakingastudy-breakatthelibraryto scan a few headlines and get a quick hit of world events. Ironidilly, at an institute of higher learning like ours, the national paper wegetis the NationalPost. OfCanada's tw~ national papers, The Globe and

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Editorial Staff Editor-in-chief, .Laura Katsirdakis edltor@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Editorial Assistant, Andrea Kerswill Assistant Editor, vacant Cover Editor, vacant News Editor, vacant News Assistant, vacant Opinion Editor, vacant Features Editor, vacant Arts Editor, vacant SCience Editor, vacant Sports Editor, vacant Photo Editor, vacant Graphics' Editor, vacant Web Editor, vacant Systems Administrator, Javed Iqball Lead Proofreader, vacant Proofreader; vacant Proofreader, vacant Proofreader, vacant

Friday, September 3,2004 Student Life Centre 1116 UniversityofWaterioo Waterloo, ON N2L 3G1

Proofreader, vacant Office Staff General manager, Catherine Bolger cathy.bolger@imprint.uwaterlo~.ca . Advertising & production manager,

Laurie Tigert-Dumas ads@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Distribution, vacant Distribution, vacant Volunteer co-ordinator, vacant Board of Directors board@imprint.uwaterloo.caPresident, "\ndrew Dilts Vice-president, ~rin Gilmer Treasurer, Neal Moogk-SoUlis Secretary, Margie Mansell Staff liaison, Heramb Ramachandran staff.liaison@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

of this summer's hate crimes. The harshness of this incident serves to remind us what a shock reality can be. Orientation staff will paint a much rosier picture of what university is, but you would be wise to keep your eyes and ears open. It is true that university may feel like a sheltered little bubble sometimes, but itis not. Terrible things like what happened at Ryerson shouldn't happen on university campuses or anywhere for that matter, but they do. Conflicts that can seems distant when discussed in theory class often play themselves out on university campuses. As unsettling as this j:an sometimes be,itis better to be aware ofwhat is going on and learn from it. editor@imprint.uwaterlo,o.ca

. A tale of embarassing blunders

Mailis by far the better quality source becausethetrialwasindeedsex-relat~d of news. this particular mistake was unfortunate, though humorous. The Globe Was initially created in 1844 by George Brown, a father of . Another example can be found in Confederation. It became The Globe the May 26 th issue, which featured an andMai/aftermergingwith theMail in article on page two {incidentally the 1936 and was initially considered a same issue with the ground-breaking pageant coverage) including this line: conservative paper. By contrast, the National Post was established in 1998 ''The Trojans, fru~trated at beingkept by telecommunications mogul Conrad out of the fortress, finally penetrated its walls by pretending to be nice and BlaCk because he feltthecountryneeded a conservative voice. So it is no overthen stuffing a bunch of their boys statement to say that the Glob~ has a into a hollow vehicle." Okay, I love slighdy longer history than the Post. . sarcastic pieces (this piece was supBut venerated publications aren't posed to poke fun, no pun intended, always better than their newer counterat the Trojan brand of condoms) but honesdy, if you're going to make fun parts and quality certainly shouldn't be judged purelyon'how long a paper has of people for doing something stubeen in publication. Writing is anpid, you can atleast get the facts right. other criteria we should look at. hvenifsales are less than stellar, the Post could have spared a few bucks and Just about every time I pick up the Post, the quality of writing has left sent the writer to either the movie Troy something to be desired. Put aside or bought him some Cliff Notes. For the love ofMike, you don't need to be front-page stories with such impora literary scholar or a Greek historian to tantand newsworthy topics as "Canada sends 'U.S.-style' beauty queen to Miss know that it was the Greek.rthat penUniverse pageant" and peak inside the ettated the Trojan wail ~th their holcover to the news coverage of a trial low wooden horse! which the article described as "turgid." The movie Troy contained plenty Likely, they meant "torrid," though ofinaccuracies and took liberties with

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with each other and are motivated by fear, hatred and desperation. Campus security and police are working together to investigate the crimes and the university has increased security on campus, but somehow I don't think students will be reassured very much by this. No matter who you are, messages like this would make campus feelless safe. While students are gearing up to dive back into the mountains oftheory ~ssigned by professors, it is essential to remain aware that this haven of academicdallianceis not separated from the everyday ugliness that exists. U niversity is a place oflearning and often class work is only a fraction oEit. Most of what we learn here comes from experience and I'm guessing those at Ryerson will not forget the experience

Vol. 27, No.8 F:519.884.7800 P: 519.888.4048 imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Production Staff Brendan Burrows, Michael L. Davenport, Andrew Dilts. Lauren Fox, Tom Levesque, Christine Loureiro, Chris Miller, Tim Mollison, Craig Reidel, Serena Wong, Margie Mansell, phil Weiner, Penny Rorke, Daniel Bacinello

Imprillt is the official student newspaper of the University of Waterloo. It is an editorially independent newspaper published by Imprint Publications, Waterloo, a corporation without share capital. Imprillt is a member of the Ontario Community NC\V'Spaper Association (OCN.\). Editorial submissions mar be considered for publication in any edition of Inpril,t. Imprillt may also reproduce the' material commercialiy in any fonnat or medium as part of the newspaper database, Web site or

Homer's ~tory, but that most basi~ detail even thry got right. How could they not? Even ifyou've heverread the Iliad, the story of the Trojan horse is hardly new. The Post is a natiol1al newspaper. The people who work there are professional writers, editors and proofreaders-and no one caught this glaring error? Brushing aside these embarrassing but rather unimportant blunders, the Poshs also blatandy biased. Now I'll be t1!e ftrst to admit that every media 'oud~t is biased to some degree. But when you're a national paper, you're supp'0sed to at least feign balanced reporting. I've made my peace with the existence of the Toronto Sun - as Voltaire said, "I may disagree with what you fay, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." The Toronto Sun, a tabloid in the gmse of a newspaper, is the' price we pay for having free speech. Fine~ I have atleast four other papers to choose from. But on campus, the only free national paper is the National Post and I'm a poor student. To read any other paper-based news, you have to share

an)' other product derived from the newspaper. Those submitting editorial content, including articles, letters, photos and graphics, will grant Impriflt first publication rights of their submitted material, and as such, agree not to submit the same work to any other publication or group until such time as the material has been distributed in an issue of Inprillt, or Imprillt declares their intent not to publish the material. The full text of this agreement is available upon request.

- Imprillt does hot guarantee to publish articles, photographs, letters or advertising. Material may not be published, at the discretion of Imprillt, if that material is deemed to be libelous or -in contravention with fIr,prill!s policies "vith respect to our code of ethics and journalistic standards. The first person to go to the Imprillt office to talk with, the editor-in-chief getS a prize. Imprillt is published every Friday during fall and' winter tenus, an? every second Friday during the spring term. Imprillt

the pathetic orphan copy of the Globe ,that resides at either the Turnkey or the Dana Porter. At the time of writing, theDavisCentrelibrary,hometo~ou

sands of volumes, does not offer a single copy of af[Y newspaper. It would make sense that the Postis lagging behind the Globe in readership and so giving away free papers,.< ltnot 'only boosts the readership numbers the Post can boast (important for gettingadvertisers' dollars), but may result in gaining the loyalty of soon-to-begraduating paying readers. From the point of view of students, a more balanced paper like the Globe would be more beneficial. I sincerely hope thatit is a financial reason that the Post is available everywhere ,on campus (i.e. theygiveus free papers), that this wasn't a choice made by someone at the university. I hope that there's not some other hidden, dare I say "turgid" ~ea son. On the other hand, havingthePost onhandgives me a chance toleammore about classic works - perhaps in the Pods version, Caesar stabs Brutus as Brutus utters: "Et 11!, Caesar?" slywong@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

reserves the right to screen, edit and refuse advertising.. I~print Publications is not responsible for advertisng mistakes beyond the cost of the advertisement . One copy per customer. Imprint ISSN 0706-7380. ImprilltCDN Pub Mail Product Sales Agreement no. 40065122. Next staff meeting: Monday, September 13 12:30 p.m., SLC 1116

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Next board meeting: Friday, September 3 11 :00 a.m., SLC 1116

FIUDAY. SEPTEMBER:3, 2004

Parking at UW: one big headache

To tbl' editOl; I am writing to complain about the distribution of parking spaces for the fall term, This idea of unreseryed spaces would be reasonable, ifthese were not also pay lots, 1t has no\v become a distinct possibility that all spaces in the assigned lots would be taken. \X' ere this to be the case; would the parking selyices be responsible for the cost to park in a pay jot, or at a meter: Probably no 1:. This aggranltion is cornpounded b, the relTloyal oflors i\ and B from the student pool as the overall number of parking spaces available for students has beengrotesquclyreduced. They say that these changes are to provide students with additional choice, butin fact they have taken away this choice b .. ' your sequestering two of the largest lut" fur staff use. \;; a graduate student I had the option of baying a reserved lor, in an un-paved, poorl), lighted lot at ECH. To compound this, the lot is also located at one ofthe furthestpoims away from the main campus. Ho\v are these changes fairi' Thev hayemoved the student parking away from the campus proper, simple measurements with a ruler can show that the bulk of student parking is now located further from central campus than it was, Ho\v is this going to improve student access~ So \\'hat has been done? The total number of spaces has been reduced. The average distance from campus has been increased. :\11 student lots are now accessible forpa\'access; therefore there

is no guarantee that a place will be available. Finally the graduate students do have a lot where a plaCl:~ is ensured, prmcided it's not taken by construction crews. And it's only all. additional 50 metres further from campus in a poorhconstructed lot.

-Greg Pm), PhD Jtlldent

off limits to students? Hell if I know. Furthermore, there is some nonsense on the \Veb site about remm"ing all the gates from the student lots. How docs this make am' scnse~ 'fbis is only going to lead to more people attempting to park illegalI\', filling up the lots e\-en more. Thanks U\'\' Parking. It's nice to kno\\' that your poor setTice and incompetence mTt m\' previous three years dealing with \'on \\'as only a

prelude to this nonsense. I really hope that I am overreacting and that this ne\\7 parking scheme \'ClU'ye concocted \'vorks out. However, I'm a 111<1tb student and to believe this plan will work \\'CJ1.tld require ignoring all logic rind common sense - something 1 choose not to do.

- Adam TI"t'ljim! 3 B actuarial gle/l("

And then some To fbi' edltul;'

Cpon waking up the morning of August 9 to app k for as tudent parking pass, I \vas surprised b,' a seemingh' drastic change in parking policy. From the details on the parking selyices W'eb site, I sec no \\'a)' this change could possibly benefit the students of U\V. According to the \'Ceb site, "student parking for the faU term has been revised to provide students with closer parking to their classes, library and the recreational facilities." This is a ridiculus statement that rnakes almost no sense, as the four lots designated for students arc C, N, \VandX. Anybody who has ever parked at C\V knows that \V and X are undesirable lots located nearoptometr\,. C lot, located off Seagram drive, is also crap. So essentially, the majority ofpermir holders are going to be battling for spots in N lot, rendering it full for the majoritl, of each day. Cenerally the most popular lot on campus for students has been 13 lot, located behind Uniyersit:y Plaza. This lot now has been reserved for faculty and staff. The reason this lot is now

The grab-bag of destiny journey. You'd think, ,,,,ith a full year of doing nothing and \vorking at a Starbucks that I'd be able to figure out who I was, right? \X' ell, it took longer than that and for some of :'ou, it will take a substantial amount of time too. This, of coursc, is nor necessarily a bad thing; some of us students have more soul searching to do than the average Joe. \x/hat you might get out of it is a whole range of things: changing faculties, changing hairstyles, changinglifestvles ... So ,'ou're at universityt Finally! ,\ll those long, it's a grab-bag, and we all are given something grueling hours in a hot, cramped classroom differenT. I was dealt a slighrly more confusing listening to boring teachers ... lOpping o ff'wi th hand thcn most, and considering that 1'm here long, exasperating, and difficult exams ... all to \niring abuut it, you can safeh' assume that I land \'(lL1 here, into a hot, cr;llnped classroom managed to come out the other side without listening to boring professors. comingm111plete1y unhinged (though thatmight Pessimistic attitude? \\'ell, ,'eah l 1'111 one of be asubjectof debate, ifonc those people you'll be seeing were to ask m\ roommate). around campus, grumbling 1 came to uni\'Crsin' and and bitching and probably Coming to terms figured out that T was biuttering such welcoming with the fact that sexual and if that's what's in lines as "damned fr05h" as store for you as ,yell, then we look at lOur happy faces, you're gay, lesbian good! Embrace that fact, fresh infO Frosh \\ieek and or bisexual isn't enjoy what rnakes you the tlrst leg of your big aduniclue and don't fear what venture. something that hapother people think about Ignore LlS ... go out and pens overnight. you. Corning to terms with have agood time! Really! \Ve that fact that you're gay, lesupper year students just miss bian, or bisexual isn't something that happens that tirs t year of optirnism, when sleeping through overnight. Don't expect it to. a morning class wasn't such a big deal, and when As for those of you who don't go through the parties were as long as the beer was cold. Go this identity shift, something fof\'oU to chew on: out, have fun, don't get too drunk and leave the be careful of what you sa\' and who you say it to. pessimism and bitterness until second year; that's You can't pickus outofa crowd just by looking, when it \vill help you survive. and the "straight-man's gaydar" is about as Now that you're here, ifyOU are annhing like reliable as a pile of bricks used as a flotation the average student, YOllcango about starting the device. real reason why you came to uniYcrsi", in the first Sta)' open minded, accept rCJur peers for\\'ho place: "to find yourself." they are and you'll be given your 0\\,11 label to I haye to admit it, that's exacrlnhe reason why wear \\'itb pride: "straight, but not narrow." 1 came to university, despite the fact that I took a full year off schooling, working and lazing 9 ba rc lay@ilnprint.uwaterloo.ca about hefore setting on this leg ufn1\' academic

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FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER ;~, 2004

Iraq: Can da'simp tence UNCOMMON SENSE \\'hen considering'vvhetherwe should support our historically close ally and largest trading partner in a bid to remove the infamous dictator Saddam Hussein, the Canadian government did what it knew best - nothing. And why should it ha\-e acted dif ferently? Patriotism and national pride are traits that have been chased out of us since the Trudeau era. -;\l ow that we arc faced with real threats abroad, the government and its citizens are having frouble summoning those emotions at a time when they are needed most. On the issue ofIraq, we took the uniquely Canadian stance. \1(1 e put our heads in the sand and ignored the real world. The children in Ottawa decided to play in the sandbox and let the big kids fight the bullies. Unfortunately, the simplistic Canadian world model that decrees, "peace is always good and war is always bad" is only valid until downtown Toronto is leveled by a terrorist attack. Reactionary policy is useless against terrorists. 'Victims will not rise from their graves and skyscrapers will not rebuild themselves. Prevention is the key. \\'e haw to alter the socio-political conditions that allow groups like Al Qaeda to thrive - narnely ]\Iiddle Eastern states governed by theocratic governrnents and dictatorships. Iraq was one such state, \XThile Sadcl;uTI Hussein's suspected arsenal

and his level of compliance with Ui\: weapons inspectors make interesting trivia, they arc irnmateriaL He was a dictator, a murderer and most importandy, a man 'vvith the means and motive to support terrorist operations in the \Vest. To employ a word long ago remoyed from most Canadians' HKabulary, he was our e!lClJ/)'. His actual capability and long term plans should be the subject of historical debate, not foreign policy. I t is difficult for many leftists to accept dlat the battle against terrorism will always be a pre-emptive one. They preach t1lat pollution control prevents lung cancer yet they fail to grasp that spreading democracy in the J\Eddle East hampers the operation of Al Qaeda and related terrorist groups. The spread of democracy encourageS the development of independent, rational thought and it allows those and other \Vestern values to permeate through other societies. If more people begin to share our values, fewer will want to destroy them. The values themselves - socially progressive values including tolerance, diversity and understanding - help stop the perpetual hate that fuels terrorism. The only real argument against the removal of Saddam Hussein is a humanitarian one. Some are willing to accept the terrorism fighting strategy, but un\villing to cope with the consequentialloss of life. With the US death toll ab(we one thousand, Iraqi casualitics running high and several instances of prisoner abuse, such concerns are rnore than valid. True, the Americans could have postponed dealing with Iraq in light of humanitarian concerns, but at the

price of giving Saddam more time to rebuild bis arsenal. They would be taking the risk that the next terrorist attack in the \\'estern world could be funded by or operated out oflraq. \Ve must remember tbat the responsibility of government, tirst and foremost, is to its own ci tizens. From the perspective of the l'S government, the life of a single American citizen is far more important than the life of a single Iraqi citizen -emd tbat is the 1M)' it sbolJld be. Unless a world government one day unites us, 'vve have to protect our own. The suffering of a relatiyely small number of individuals, however regrettable, cannot be used as an excuse to ignore an obvious challenge and direct attack on the basic ideologies that sculpt the Canadian and American way of life: democracy, freedom, individualism and, yes, capitalism. For the coalition families who have had to endure losses, the only reassurance is that their sacritlce was needed to defend those deeply held values. After 9 / 11, the U.S. invoked article five of NATO, an organization of which Canada is a proud member, because it was attacked. Article five states that "an armed attack against one or more of them ... shall be considered an attack against them alL" In othenvords, Canada was also attacked on September 11. While we continue to provide assistance in Afghanistan, it would have made me proud to see Canada demonstrate its commitment to NATO by helping the U.S. defend itself with anti-terrorism operations in Iraq. tlevesque@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

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EXTREME CENTRE There's no denying it: the greatnation of America has a big terrorism pro blcm. I just pral' he's not re-elected! Thecoalitionofd1eunwilling'soccupation ofIraq needs to end; the U.S. has already been thoroughly embarrassed on dle internatiomll stage. Bush, who conned ills people into believing dlat Iraq was a threat to their sovereignty, has turned out to be a chronic liar. Actually, in spite of brutal economic sanctions forced upon them by the C .S., Iraq was serene, secular, modern and industrialized, with a literate population. Obviously, an invasion was crucial! It'snolaughingmatter. US soldiers -and thelraqipeople-are being put through hell. Needless deaths are happening every day; American and Iraqi families are being ripped apart just so Bush might'Wlli his war and have abetter chance at getting elected. It's morally repulsive. TheAmericangoyetmnen thas used the 9/ 11 attacks as an excuse to commit unprecedented acts of terrorism. Reed Brody of Human Rights Watch has gone so far as to point out that "the U.S. is creating its own brand of terror fighting AI-Qaeda." How is tills a '\var on terrorism"" 1'd expectdlat infuriating lraqis by des troying their proud nation would only cause morete1Torism. The U.S. attacking 11,lC1 is akin to a schoolyard bully beating up a child half his size. All along, there "vas only one legitimate reason Bush gave to justify his hatred oflraq: Hussein supported suidde bombers. This was true and suicide bombing should be condemned as a sickening act of ten:orism. What I'd like to know is wh)" we demonize these suicide bombers averageJ ocs who saC1ifice their lives for a cause they believe in - and yet, when Americaninvaders bomb the lraqipeopIe, they pat themselves on the back! In comparison, the American routine of faceless bombing from the sh secmsliketheactofaco\vard.CStroops, like suicide bombers, also receive paycheques f()r murdering innocen t civilians. OfcolU'se,advocares ()f thewarwhine d1at civilian casualties are totalkaccidentaL Bombing wedding parties in Iraq and Afghanistan, killing over 90 cidians altogether, \\~as accidental? Bombing a passenger train in A(g;hanistan, killing

Christianit~:

dozens of civilians, then returning 10 minutes later to fmish off the rest were aU accidents? Bombing busy marketplaces and Red Cross hospir.alsin Baghdad'vvas accidentaE- Huw unfortunate! American "accidents" have killed, according to iraqboch'count.org, over 11,000 haqi civilians. A couple ofbombs went astray~ Gimme a break! Granted, Sacldam was an evil dictator. However,ifevil is flgbtingevil, does eyil not \vlli? The Bush administration spat at the eN - the 1raq inyasion violated four separate articles of the C;\J charter. Bush tried to justify the attack h\" arguing that Hussein was "torturing and killing his own people." Meanwhile, the U.S. gets litde or no condemnation for the routine tortlU'e of prisoners at GuantanemoBayin Cuba, or for maintaining the death penalty. Killing and torture are immoral no matter where they occur. \Vhat a hero Bush was to "expose" Saddam' s tortme chambers! Luckily, the more objective media has also "exposed" that the Americans are now using dlese facilities to torture Iraqi PO\'X;rsand civilians-includingchildren - with techniques such as electric shocks, beatings and rapes. Notes smuggled out oflraqi prisons have begged the resistance forces to bomb the jails to stop the repeated and brutal rapes of Iraqi women by American guards. The reports were deemed accurate bra CSrnilitaryinvestigation. Bush apparendy believes torture to be okay ifonly the "good guys" doitand ifit's against foreigners, not "your own people." At the same time, the Bush administration has actually had the gall to tell their pal Israel to makepeacC\vith Palestine. Perhaps the US feels guilty for supposedly promoting freedom in Traq while simultaneousk funnelingmonc\" to help Israel tormre and kill Pales tin ians? Realisticalh-, \V1th the Americans massacring Iraqis like there's no tomorrow, how can I srael's Sharon be expected to take Bush's advice seriously? There is ,ome guod ne\\-s about t11is invasion: George \'\". Bush has avenged his father's miserable and embarrassing failure to get rid ofSaddam a decade ago. So "vhy are Iraqis resisting this wondrous liberarion;The unfortunate souls have seen t1x' !\mericans blow up their homes, torture their ci,ilians, plant over I 00, 000 landmines in theircountn and decimate their econom\'. Perhaps the peopleoflraq have decided that they just don't care t()r Bush's twisted yersion of freedom! mjohnson@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

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FRIDAY. SEPTEMBER 3, 2004

The most confusing thing to a guy: an in-depth investigation Firstly, let's define terms - the word "hot" refers to someone who you can see being in your . sexual fantasies, someone you justwantto jump. Now we look at cute. Let's say that you are with a friend and he/ she shows you a picture ofsomeone (or you see them somewhere) and asks for your opinion. Saying that they are "cute" means that although they are not a prime tandidate for your sexual fantasies No, it's not how to put the toilet seat down. Or (real acted-out fantasies with this person are how to find the G-Spot (well, not for us UW different), this person is still appealing enough men, anyway). It's those two little words that can to you in a physical way to date. Ifa friend shows mean so many things so so many different you a picture (or you see them somewhere) and people ... "he's cute." says "look at (so and so), don't you think he/ she In theory, "he's cute" invokes a pleasing is ridiculously hot?!?!" and you reply with "he/ memory or thought in the mind of a female she's cute," that means that she's not attractive which translates to a positive impression of the male. If the male is "cute," he is favourable. Sounds simple, but when you think about it in a purely physical sense, things get complicated. Again in theory, the word "cute" shouldn't be used to describe someone on a purely physical basis. Physical opinions should be restricted to "hot" and "not hot" (maybe the occasional "butt ugly" or "getChewbacca away from me"). As a service to fellow confused men out there, I have conducted primary research (talking with men and women alike about this crucially important subject) and have found a solution that we can all follow. This analysis shall be unisex, so the word has the same meaning for both genders.

Arda Deal

OUR HOUSE

to you. You have also just made your friend feel like an idiot. Let's say your friend is trying to set you up with them. Cute means you wouldn't mind going on a date with them. Hot means you wouldn't mind going on them. If a mother/ father sees a picture or person and says cute, this means they are hot. Parents haven't really grasped "hot" yet and so they use "cute" instead. If your parents are immigrants (like mine) still with a thick accent, this statement becomes null and void; "cute" means they are planning to arrange you with them. Watch out. If "cute" is used when no picture/visual is involved, it means one step below hot. Cute, however is much better than he/ she is "nice," which means they are Chewbacca.

I'm assuming here that the he/she's cute responses are completely monotone in those examples - you also have to think about tone and expression. For example, if the "cute" part is emphasized, then it always means hot (or just a smidge below hot), and if the "he/she" part is emphasized, then it usually means "not," regardless of situation. So, we can fmally be at ease when we hear the word "cute." Unless your friends are purposely lying to you then "cute" is really a malicious response to your insecurity about the person's appearance. Butreally, you'd tongue-in-cheekwith them, anyway. Go get 'em, tiger. aocal@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Ian Blechschmidt

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FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 2004

Supermarket face off: Zehrs vs. Sobeys

The Beechwood Zehrs: an oldie but a goodie.

The Columbia St. Sobeys: brand new and sparkling clean.

however and can be reached by raking 12 bus.

the big roomy aisles make it easy to manoeuvre a cart around.

Itis the beginning of the year, so why not startofhvi.tha peek into one of the essentials of every U\lCT student's life? Supermarkets are where all kinds of students can go to tlnd nourishment and attempt to avoid the excess cost and pounds incurred by eating on campus or at fast-food outlets. Waterloo has quite a selection to offer, as far as supermarkets go, but this examination is narrowed down to theones that are closest to lJ\,\T'S campus.

Service There were many people working at Zehrs, even though our visit was in the middle of a weekday. Many checkouts were open and there were several staffers doing odd jobs throughout the store. They were helpful and pleasant and anyone who needed a question answered would have no problem Hnding help. There were even phone lines in several places that were intended for customers to use if they needed help.

Selection The selection of brands is impressive. You'll have no problem tinding the basics as well as a whole bunch of brands that arc too expensive to indulge in except for on special occasions.

Zehrs Beechwood Plaza (corner of Fisher-Hallman Rd. and Erb St.) or Conestoga Mall

Prices This supermarket will be easy on your wallet. See info box for more detail.

Christine Loureiro and Laura Katsirdakis IMPRINT STAFF!EDITOR-IN-C~-

Cleanliness The Beechwood Zehrs has been around for quite a while and it shows. It is neat and tidy, but the building looks older than the the Conestoga Mall Zerus orthe ColumbiaSt. Sobeys. However,itis organized in sowell that it is much'easier to tindthings than in Sobeys. The floors might have a few extra scuff marks, but shopping will go much faster ifit is not necessary to search for everything on your list. Selection There is a good selection and often items are organized in' order of the ascending price range. This means students can easily locate the cheapest toilet paper and such. Accessibility The Conestogal\Iali Zehrs makes its way onto this list because nearly all bus routes in Waterloo stop off at the mall, so it is easy to get to this location. The Be"eS:~Yl;v~){)(} ?';eJ1F!i 1s, ()<.?~eF,ty l~\\', ,

Extra goodies The Beechwood location is right next to a Shopper's Drug J\'Iart and tl1e Conestoga Mall location also has a Shopper's close to it in the mall. In addition, Zehrs locations always have a PC banking station right inside, making it easy to do some banking or get out cash if necessary. There were also self check-out machines in both' locations. These are always helpful to avoid line-ups and they are incredibly easy to use. Another nice feature is parcel pick-up. This allows you to have your groceries packed into the back of , your car by Zehrs staff, at no extra charge. Be advi.sed, however, the)'\vill not pack your groceries into the bus with you. Boo. So13eys 450 Columbia St. W. Cleanliness Sparkling clean. This Sobeys looks like â&#x20AC;˘ );oP, cpP1cl ~a~ Fight off the floor, and

Accessibility If you live in the Columbia Lake residences you will be happy to know that Sobey's is just a hop, skip and half-ajump away. Iris located in the plaza at the comer ofFischer-Hallman Rd. and Columbia St. Service Good luck tinding someone who works at this supermarket. \Ve wandered around looking for help finding Kraft Dinner and no Sobey's employee was to be tound. Granted, it ,vas the middle of the day, but come on! i\Ioral of the story: pack a map of this store if you want to tind anything in a hurry. Not only was the store a diftlcult one to tind things in, but there was nc) extra help to comp~nsate for this. ' Prices E vel,),thing at this s tore seemed more expensive than the equivalent atZehrs. Sec info box for more. Extra goodies There is an L.CB.o. in the same plaza as this Sobers. 'Nuff said. Another major bonus is the fact that this store is opened 24 hours a day, seven days a week. \X.'e all know this suits a stu~ent's schedule just fine. cloureiro@imprint.uwaterloo.ca, . ,editor@imprint.uwaterloo.cB, '

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A new year, a fresh start

HfRAMB'S' HAREM As a senior member of this school, I feel itis my duty to set a good example for first-year students through this column. In the past, I may have offended individuals with my politically incorrect styli; and controversial stance on social issues. No more race jokes. No more sex jokes. No more swearing. Instead, this column will p1'Ovide good old-fashioned, familyentertainment - something your grandmother would enjoy. To start the year off,I will write about clouds. Hold on, I got a phone call from the Pope. Pope: "Was sup Herambone. Umffin1, what's all this shit about you turning a new leaf. You a tree now?" Heramb: "No Pope, I just want to tone it down. Try some lighter humor." P: "Oh ok. So you're a pussy. Grow some balls son!" H: "Well Pope, I shall heed thy command. After all, you are a spiritual leader to millions."

P: "It's 'cuz I keepitreaaaL You'll be alllllright mutha fucka." I get all nostalgic from time to time. 1 can1e to this cOLmtry as an immigrant back in 1985 with asparkleinmyeye.The custom agent's firstwords when he saw me:''Y0 kid, whatthe hell is that sparkle in your eye? You high or something?" Alas, I was high on freedom. You see I had just fled the war-torn, dictatorship oilifadras,India where acts ofbarbarism .occurred on every comer. Timeout. . What are you talking about? India was a peaceful, democratic state with a decentinfrastt;ucture circa 1985. Ohsori)', thatwasmy'Nam flashback. Even as a precocious three-year ~ld Iwanted to attend U\,{! and study with the nerds of tomorrow. I had pictured myself in a math lounge playing dungeons and dragons with other great minds. These minds were predominantly males with copious amounts of body hair but great minds nonetheless. There would be one or two females among our group but they would both have boyfriends. Throughout the years you remember the girls you've dated, slept with, got rejected by, sleptwith, had crushes on, slept with ... (ok so I prefer the more carnal memories). There'sthis

one conversation I reinembervividly that involved my buddy Donatello. We were massively drunk and in the library 't.-uz \ve wan ted to get our learn on. Donatello, at the top of his lungs, starts talking about his ex: "Herambone, I dated this U ofT teaching assistant for one mon tho She had a wild side so wild;Steppenwolfe would be proud. But she was a bitch. She would mark all these engineering papers and' give people low marks with mean, fucking comments. 'You did not put any effort into this paper, F-' \v'hat kind of person gives F minuses? That turned me off but I got turned on again when she wanted fO have sex. So I'm exploring down under cuz I'm into Australian culture, when I sawafreakingrainforest There\vas some serious plumage. I've heard of 'au naturalle' but this was more like, 'au shiiiiiit that's a lotta bush.' I think I saw an owl living there. Evenf<tenchwomen be like, 'Have you ever considered a Gillette?'Dammmmmn. And then she breaks up with me saying how I wasn't funny enough for her." We got kicked out of the library. Four freaking frosh \'leeks have come and gone: I'm too old for this shit: hramachandran@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

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Karl Lagerfeld weighs in on egger. etiquette 'your disposal. So, tl1e mostimpottant thing is to pace yourself. Stick to one beer every hour. Any more than that willincrease your risk of thinking that the mntlillg mon is a cool dance and nobody looks cool while doing the rrl1ltlil1g mOil.

Adam: Karl, 1 have to stop you right there. I onvt7)'s look cool when I do . Jhe running man. I t is a beautiful fall evening as I rush to Lagerfeld: Yes, dear, but you are a meet Chanel designer I<arl Lagerfeld king among men. for dinner. Lagerfeld is seated at the Adam: Again, I won't argue with table pouring over a menu, his white you. Anything else? ponytail mullet billowing in the wind. Lagerfeld: You may be tempted .This strikes me as excessive due to the to drink as much beer as possible to get fact that the wind rustling his locks is your money's worth. But remember; being provided by an assistant fanat Toronto prices, you only have to ning him furiously with a bananaJeaf. drink half a cup for that. Adam: Karl! Sorry to keep you Adam: Wise words, sir. Anj'advice waiting, old bean. for our readers engaged in the old Lagerfeld: Not at all Adam! I am , "cherchezla femme?" honoured to be in the presence ofsuch Lagerfeld: Laurier girls may seem an eminent journalist. like an easy answer. But before you Adam: Yes, that's nOn11a1. So, Karl, make your mave, assure yourself that tonight I am hoping to get a glimpse their boyfriends are notin the vicinity, inside your creative process as you as they can easily pull your computer design your fall collections for Chanel science arms off. and Lagerfeld. Adam: AltoLagerfeld: gether an undesirThatwon't be hard, I'Finally... please able proposition. darling",.Fashi9n Lagerfeld: Inretnemberthat goes in nV'ent)'-rear deed! AI;';', ;ityour cycles. W/hat's [couture fashion] is first kegger you popular now is mal' not like beet. an in;.joke that was You'll \vhat was popular still have 20 years ago. So,all started during the vivid memories of I did was take my yourparents'Pinot French revolution to Grigio, and .find fall 1984 collection and repackage it beer uncouth and screw with the with more pink! detestable. aristocracy ... " It's win-win; not It's best to get only do I have leirid of this attitude sure time, but since 2000i\hdonna . as soon as possible, because no matter has noihad to buya single new outfit! how well-off rour familyis, you \villgo She can deyote all her resources to broke in approximately six weeks and Kabbalah and ruining Guy Ritchie's be reduced t6 drinking malt liquour career. out of a dirty Tupperware container Adam: Amazing! So what do you because you cannot afford soap. do with your leisure timenowtl1atyou Adam: I don't know about don't have to design? Tuppenvare, but I do enjoy making a Lagerfeld: \'\1 ell, ever since 1 "got game of spelling \vords in the enmy freak on" with Missy Elliot's percrusted Alpha-Bits, at the bottom of sonal trainer and lost 400 pounds my ul1\vashed cereal bowl as I drink you might haye noticed 1 no longer Colt 45 out of it. carry a fan to hide my numerous chins Lagerfeld: JlvIe too, actually. - I've been using my spare time to go Adam: \X;'eli, [vir. Lagerfeld,itwould to keg parties in \X!aterloo. seem our time is almost up. Any tinal The conversation is interrupted as words? the waiter delivers the ftrst appetizer, Lagerfeld: Yes: alcohol poisonfoie gras on a nunin brioche with ing can kill, so make sure to use the pineapple relish, accompanied by a buddy system and look after your crisp Gcwurztraminer. friends. And if one of them does get Lagerfeld: I'm a simple man, alcohol poisoning, encourage them to Adam, ,md I have simple tastes. And vomit into their bo\:friend's hond on one of those is theliyer of a force- fed the way to the hospital. goose served on a cumin brioche. Finally, altl10ugh couture fashion Adam: That's amazing! Me roo!. mar seem important, please remcmAre you sure we wercn't separated at berthatitis an in-joke that was started birth? An)\,'ay, Karl, do you have any during the Frenchrevolutioll to screw ke&ISCr advice for our readers, now that with [he aristocracy and as such should the season is about to begin? not be taken too serioush'. Lagetfeld: \'('ell, Adam, the most Epilogue: Adam ignored Karl's important thing to realize is that, at ' advice and hooked up with a Laurier one's firs t experience ,>,1.th the unregugirl.We wish him a speedy recovery of lated university backyard ten-dollar-athe full use nEllis arms. head keg parry ,one tends to overdo it. Ata keggeryouhave alotof alcohol at ajohns@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

DINNER WITH ADAM

Not all interns wear blue dresses Chris Edey, currendy an 'intern with the Federation of Canadian Municipalities, writes-from Georgetown, Guyana

.Chris fdey MAPS AND LEGENDS Sometime ago, a friend volunteered me to conduct interviews formy previous co-op employer, the Canadian· International Development Agency. I did-not think it would take too much from my day untilI discovered that almost 100 resume's had been submitted and required attention. Like moths to a porch light, there just seems to be 'something about the word intemational that makes people sit up and take notice. The job itself was not spectacular, and suffered from the typical prob-· lerns that plague co-op employment, but people still lined up for the opportunity to sit at a desk tuc.ked away in a fortress-like building deep in Hull, Quebec. Post-university, it is the internatio~al internship that seems to hold the same allure. A number of my friends have emb~ked on such assignments and I have recently joined their ranks, taking a position with a Federation of Canadian Municipalities project in Georgeto~n, Guyana. But, is the luster ofinternationalexperience rational? And who are the true beneficiaries? . Students pursue these opportunities for many reasons. Some see the inequality of our world and have a genuine commitment to betterit, some wish to pat themselyes on the back for going to the 'Third World,' some wishtoadvancetheircareersandsom~

want an adventure. In any case, from those that I have spoken with,. it is quite clear that the interns themse,lves

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FRIDAY.SEPTEMBER 3, 2004

are the main beneficiaries; after all, intern funding often comes from the Canada Youth Employment Strategy. Secondly, the inte~lfational intern experience is a bit ofal~, available to those who generalIy. do not have pressing financialneeds to be met at home. Furthermore, the self-righteous nature of some internationalists does notprojectagoodimage of the typical overseas intern. Nobody sh()uld p.ave to stomach a lecture on moral imp eratives and global citizenry from someone who does not have to worry about the OSAP collector knocking on their door.

... th~ average European cow receives $2.50 per day ingovernment subsidies while 75 per cent of people in Africa live on less than $2 per day. Cross-culturillearning is the key long-term benefit that is not limited tothe interns themselves. A person I highly respect is fond of pointing out that one cannot ever hope to improve a situation that one does not understand and cannot empathize with. Hopefully, those who are immersed ina foreign culture with its own unique strengths, wea~nesses and challenges will emerge wiser for the experience and will be able to draw upon it as their

careerdevelops Of CQurse, some will always .argue that the entire idea of international internships is entirely cynical and of little beqefit to the developing world. Then again, if you are looking for cynicism and self interest, then the international shell game of development aid in generalis an excellent place to ·start. . Total aid to the developingworld was approximately $58 billionin2002, but concUrrently, the developed world subsidizes its owry farmers to the tune of $300 billion a year. What one hand gives, many more take away. These policies result in such ab~ surdities as subsidized sugar beets being grown in Finland and Sweden, whiie sugar farmers in Guyana are impoverishedby artificially low prices for their crops. What is even more galling is that the average European cow receives $2.50 per dayin government subsidies while 75 per cent of. people in Africa live on less than $2 per

day. .Perhaps scatteringstill-impressionable youth from the developed world will enable them to see first-hand the crucial issues in the developingworld that do not lend themselves to easy dissemination onCNN. Maybe some of today's interns will ascend to the chambers where such malignant policies are decided upon and can draw upon their own experiences to help make the right decision. In the 'end, small cogs in a big machine can still playa role, and even possibly help shifdt in a differ- f ent direction. .

THE CITY OF

Waterloo The City of Waterloo Noise By-law #86-75

The City of Waterloo Noise By-laws are designed to reduce and control unnecessary and excessive sound that can cause nuisance and generally degrade the quality and peacefulness .of neighborhoods. Noise By-law #86-75 is a by-law that restricts any person from "making, causing, or permitting any unusual noise or noise likely to disturb the inhabitants ofthe City ofWaterloo. " This by-law does not restrict noises within specific times .. Recently the City ofWat~rloo applied to the Attorney General's Office for an increase in the set fine amount ofthis by-law. Approval was granted from the Senio~ Justice ofthe Ontario Court ofJustice to increase the fine for a cpnviction under this noise by-law from $105 to $300. During regular office hours, all inquiries and complaints regarding noise should be directed to the City of Waterloo By-law Enforcement Department at 747-8785. After hours and on weekends, calls should be directed to the WaterlooRl:lgional Police Department at 653-7700 -ask for dispatch. BY-I:AWENFORCiMENTPROrECTIVE SERVICES

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The coffee's SSiDa 80m ioU - e,"" &CI",etII8, paga 28

Hawke (Jesse) and D~"phy (C~line) reprise their rotes from Before Sunrise and display passionate intricate chC!racters under the backdrop of Paris, France.

The nine year itch that is Before Sun"set Serena Wong IMPRINT STAFF

I'm still smiling. I just left the theatre after seeing Bifore Sunset. When I heard about this sequel to Richard Linklater?s1995 film; BiforeStmrise, I'll ~dmit I had both a feeling of happy anticipation and that nagging worry that this new film would tarnish the regard in which I held these beloved characters from the original. I'm happy to report this film is eminently charming and in some ways, even surpasses the original. You don't need to see the original to enjoy this film, but after seeing t4is you'll be off t(:) your video _store in ,search of the beginnings of'thi~ ch,arming story. The main ch~ters are played by Julie Delphy and Ethan ,Hawke, reprising their roles in Bifore Sunrise. In the first frlm, Celine (Delphy), the young FtenCh woman~ has a" chance meeting with young American Jesse (Hawke) on a traln. Oathe spur of the moment they decide to spend the night walking around Venice, before

each must head back to their respective countries. This pair ofyoung, idealistic kids share a night of delicious conversation. Before going on the last day . of his book-signing, Celine, appears and the two shyly but quickly pick up where,the~leftQffaJ;'fetime~Q.

1,'hey'vle grownup - he's a published author, a husband, a father; she's working on enviropmental causes, has hermasters degree and has well-developed opinions on everything from sex and love to differences in national character. The aging shows onJesse's facethe flashbacks to nine years ago make this very dear-gone is.!he fresh and hopeful face and the boyish hop to his step,Initssteadisaleaner&ame,more lined face; and aslighthar~eningto the eyeS-thoughtheystillshine. She has hardly aged on the surface, but as the movie progresses, we see she certainly has aged underneath - some of the sttipping away of youthful idealism, optimism, and romance. Celine is still radiant - she glows Oll the screen. Jesse still has some 'of' his boyish

In a way, Before Sunset is between Celine ll!1dJesseis so enjoyminimalistic - there's no music,no able to behold because the characters areinteresting-they're literate, pas" costume changes, no dramatic sesionate and they lay themselves bare. quences,prettymakecuporevencare~ Their chemistry is electric ll?d their fullyset-up shots. The'hand-heldcamc stories so relatable. ~ra and lack of musical accompanikindofway-thec~aractersareaware ofitsbeaUliy,butnQtawedhyit~ b.u~" " "This 1nbWt'!'is like an: 80 tImrure m,enf~eemsnotsomuch-agimmickas becaulle they're So focused on ,one strip-teaseinwbich thetnamcters~l~~ly the natUral extensi6n, a te~cireme~t, peehway their protective layers, they for a ftlm lI.bout so nariirili gcene. another. The same is true for the I said "a"scerle because this mOvie audience. 'Focusing on Paris' ,little' are vulrierable and honest. .. nooks and crannies - not once did Linklater directed this film_and crefeels like one continuous shot - ifs ated the original character~; but the notfilmedinreal-time, butthecharacthe director succumb to the standard writing was done largeiy by 'both" ~: ters mJ'vWg thtough their realtourist shots of the.Eiffel tower or the Delphyand Hawke - and ikshows.,,,timeand.the conversation never stalls Champs d'Elysees- and the quiet The dialogue is thoroughly e~gaging 'ilO! piiI~ei; from beginning to end. beauty of the little streets, but more and seems entirely natural,.spilling' often than not, I was simply too in,There are many different kinds of (sometimes gushing) from their lips. movies - there aren't just good or volved with the characters to pay more The subtle looks and gentle move- . badmovies,northevideo-store-clasthan perfunctory notice of this gormentsfeem so natural- there's a sification ofgenres-there are distinct geouscity. types. This is a-romantic movie, but . The audience gets the· feeling of delicious moment where Celine's handreachestotouchJ~sse'sheadand it's cerebral-sexy rather than Hollyeavesdropping on a prolonged conquickly withdraws as he turns around wood-sexy. , v~ation between two peoplewho are and the conversation veers in a djfferIf you up for a good conversation, sharing a special, very limited amount ent direction. The sudden outbursts £¥med beautifully with smart and likof time together. Ifyou've ever sat in able characters - go see this movie. seem j'fst that - sudden and not in a a cafe. and overheard conversa~ons, climax-making kind of way - but in you know that the quality of the conversation varies depending on the a way th,at we've all burst out at some .people involv~d. This conversation time. slywong@imp~int.uwaterloo.ca charm but its now tempered by life experience..Together their chemistry is captivating. Paris is a lovely city andit' s beautifully captured in this film in 11 subtle

are

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FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3,2004

IIll}lrillt

arts

Irat#crafts a page-turner The Cripple and his talismans Anoshlrani aaincoastBooks

, Laura Katsirdakis EDITOR-IN-CHIEF .

He's actuaUy.feeting justfine: III Bill, Non-Phi~ion's lead man

N9.n.-Phixion: tl;lepeople's rappers Bre.ndan Burrows SPECIAL TO IMPRINT

Arrivmg at Warped Tour, I was expectingthataccess to underground hip-hop legends Non-Phixion would be surrounded by yellow tape and thatitwould be sheer luck to ask them onequestion, letalone chill with them. That is why, when I arrived and found III Bill himself selling his own merchandise and giving Ollt free autographed posters I was ecstatic. Anybody who knows anything about underground hip-hop has heard ofNon-Phixion. Whispered al>out on street comers for six years after much anticipation, in 2002 their debut album

The Future is Now dropped on III Bill's- own independent iplprint "Uncle Howie

'rrhere is a lot of shit that bothers us

"I open the do~r. Itis the garbage man ... one day he will come. to collect garbage and I will not be here. I will be under the earth. It isttue that we afe sinking. The thousand oil lamps have not made me feel lighter. I have been given a finger.Itwilllead me to myarrp. -leprousbr tom offll? ancient tree. It does not matter. I tis a lead, and a lead is more than the stump I have." lDO'esri'tmake much sense does it? :B~lieve it ornot, reading The cripple and his talismans'\Villlead anyone to understand exactly what being described above. Anosh Irani manages to tell a very old story by leading the reader down some obscure aqd seemingly nonsensical paths. The narrator emerges from a twomonth period of isolation and, dumbfouncledness after the unex~ plained loss of his arm;and the book comniences as he moves from that stupor into the search for his arm. The book takes place in Bombay, India's famed city. As the narrator makes his way through the city's dark underbelly, the logic he operates by remains ~sted and enthralling. As the narrator explains, "A lost arm makes you question humanity ,and the cup of chai you spill with the samelogic, within the recurring hours of the arm's nothingness." The out-of-whack logic the book follows is perhaps the most charming part of the book. It takes' some patience and imagination to understarid

how the narrator moves seamlessly betwe~n scenes of suicide, buying a coffin for a severed finger andlearnitig the truth about the prostitute he once intended to marry, but thatis precisely what makes the book unique and immenselyenjoyable. The conclusion, according to the book's back cover" "reveals a new way

to understand suffering in the world." I tis however, a conclusioncharacteristic ofthe Eastem culture that the story is situated in. Anyone who is familiar with Asian philosophy will find the moral of this story quite unsurprising. Enj~yable, engaging and unusual, this book (available at the campus book store) is well worth a read.

Records." Thisyear theypei:formed on Warped Tour's Code oftha Cutz

we speak on it... " - III Bill

tent I sat down with band members III Bill, Sabac Red and DJ Eclipsetodiscuss everything from the content of their music to hardcore pom. Iinprint: Howdoyou likedoing Warped

Tour? III Bill: WarpedTourisfuckin' dope. It's a gre;lt opportunity for us to reach new fans and get to a lot of spots we haven'tbeen to. It's really good; we're performing on a smaller stage, cuz hiphop is new to this tour. . Sabac: It's been good to meet an~ politic and bUild with the other bands. Finding out that bands likeGood Char- , ' rhdentwas jam-packedwith many lotte and New Found Glory know our , fanswhocameto Warpedro~ththe music is it. hIlgt reward for us. ' sole intention of ~eeing No~-Phixion Imprint:ForawhiIeNon-Phixionwas perform a 45minute set Accompanied the rap industry's best kept secret. What does. by Q-Unique {formerly of The Arsonitfee/like now thatyou!!9's are blowing Up istsy.D1.Bill,:Sabac Red and DJ Eclipse big? . rockedthecrowdpIayingunderground III Bill:lt's bittersweet,thotlgh thisclassicslikeRoCkStars,BlatkHelicopterS didn'tjusthappentousovemight We've and the ode t~. post-modett\plttanoia beenputtingin a lot ofwork over along 'The CIA is ttyin to Kill r\:e."The , period oftime,it's been a struggle. At the ' group'srawenergy,longevityandlyrical ' same time nothing can take away !=hat ',Originality are ~dicators that' Nonfeeling-of meeting other people that Phixi<?nwillbearoundlongerthanmimy understan4 where we're coming from. of today's mainstream acts.

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FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 2004

Lukewarm coffee and soggy cigarettes Jar~usch invites many stars .

to star in'ms latest ftlm and juxtaposes their fame.

The 2001 Plovie Century Hotel, members of the WuTang Clan and in coffee houses, where the characters occurs on fIrst meetings, yet they bebased around a hotel room instead of drink coffee ~d smoke cigarettes, as' Bill Murray discussing herbal rem- 'gin to lose their freshness about half coffee houses, is a much more effecway through the movie. the title suggests. edies; another wi~ Iggy Pop. and Coffee & Cigarettes, a' movie written By keeping the!/ctting constant, Tom Waits in their fIrst face-to-face Coffee & Cigarettes plays like an tive version of what J armusch is trying to do here. and directed by Jim Ja.rmusch, took J armusch focuses the audience's atmeeting; and one ~here Cate exercise or an anthology of short stoIfyou're looking to be entertained· seventeen years to make and features tention on the chliracters. It's a blessBlanchett does double duty playing ries ofvarying originality and quality, a large and disparate castofinterest- . ing,in the scenes when the characters both herself and her less-well-to-do very loosely cO!1!!,ected by setting and ., or touched, this probably isn't the movie for you. If have the patience are really interesting and we get to ing people. J armusch does a good cousin. :One of the longest scenes put on illm. Film students may enjoy to sit through this exercise for the kick job ofjuxtaposmgcelebrities of varyc,oncentrate on them rather than any features actors Alfred Molina and analysing the style and the mirrodng ing fame, from actors to musicians to "action" that might be. happening. , Steve Cougan and does a good job of of dialogue in the beginning and end, , of seeing some of these rarely ftlmed musicians and actors juxtaposed and comedians and even some common It's a curse in other scenes. where the showing some of the subtle highs but the average audience membet;,will interacting in unusual ways, then by folk. All of the celebrities seem to be audience has nothing to dis';a~t them and lows of human nature and social )ikely get a bit bqred. We keep expectall means, give this ftlm a go. playing themselves --or at least charconduct. from characters andconvetsaiioJ),s that ing things to pick up or more meanacters'we're supposed to believe relack chemistry, miss their mark, or A few of the scenes are genuinely ing to emerge - but they never do. ' slywong@imprint.uwaterloo.ca flee! their real-life persona~. funny, one or two intriguing and the overstay theirwelcome. Shot in black and white, this ftlm This movie has a few interesting movie ends with a genuinely touchis a compilation ofll vignettes, all:ret scenes - notably, one with two ing scene with clever and captivating use of silence. We get the feeling that this writer-director is reaching for some connection between the scenes beyond the beverage and the smokes; in some cases he succeeds. ttainingandtesearchfacilitybyatettorist attack on the city. There are three separate political factions controlling the world, each with a different style. II CoHee & Cigarettes The WTO are a strict, regiinented plays like an bunch who ensure that everything is going according to their rules of trade. anthology of storie~ The Order is a religious sect, taking an of varying originality extremeleftistapproach to peace, even if they have to kill for it. The Templ,ars that are very loosely Deus Ex: The Invisible War are simply out for world domination connected by XBax with very little interest in the peopl~. $29,99 Thegllffie is experienced in'a ftrst setting ... " person perspective, ut:iliz,ir1ga' fustperson shooter-style combatsytem. Most young people who grew up Depending on your choices, combatis during the comic book revol:ution important or barely either extremely dream of having super powers; the AD:ULT ENTERTANM ENT They scenes play out quite natuexistent. rally and the dialogue has a genuine' ability to lift giant barrels, leap farin the . ... where it's all about talentl The graphics are extraordinary. air, see in the dark and spawn a nonquality to it. In many scenes, there is Futurisic scenery is elegantly illumilethal drone that shoots bio-toxin the theme ofpeople coming together, . . nated by a fantastic ligh~ engine. In darts. the coffeehouse is a place for brief combination with graphics, the gllffie Okay,somaybethatlastonewasn't encounters -whether it be between adds to the realism by using th€ ragdoll dreamt of by children, but it is indeed strangers or familiars, planned or physics engine. (For those of yo~ not the one of the many available unplanned. farniliarwith it, ragdoll physics essen. customizable "powers" in Deus Ex: Unfortunately, this movie falls tially mean:s people die Ijke they would The Ihvisible War. . short of making any real impact or in life.) ,Alex. D., your biologically enhanced Hnding the cohesion the director's Although 'one of the best games protagonist, is your own spy / reaching for. It's not consistently LS MONDAY.TOTHURSDAY I've ever played, it still has its'probsuperhero to mould. funny enough tobt: clever. The charlems. The collision detection does not TURDAY BUFFET FROM NOON TO 3PM This is. where the gllffie gets its acters, while sometimes entertaining always, well, detect coIJisions. Often charm: you choose everything. You to watch, don't always hold our atWATERLOO AT NORTHFIELD when dropping a body, it will be half can make Alex 0. into a stealthy sissy tention, the s.cenes are good at capturhidden in a wall. A minor touch, but with a silent dart ~, a macho dude ing the kind.ofawkwardness that still unpolished. Also, thegllffie largely with a big gun and ichy trigger fInger, draws on the ftrst Deus Ex. There are _ora superpower-house who can create some holes in explaining the story' defense robots at a moment's notice. line. . Those are not all the choices, how-

Serena Wong IMPRINT STAFF

Deus. Ex shows up ontheXBox

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Invisible War allows for some amazing role play.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 2004

CIENCE

science@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

UW programs on the leading edge of .technology .

U se yo~r laptop to win at tennis do not believe the whale is in danger, but they would like to get him out as soon as possible.

Engineering at UW: the Jetsons ~would be 'jealous but by SCORBOT-ERTII-a robot 1:Jsed by members, of th~ UW community.

Andrew Dilts IMPRINT STAFF

the

successful Research in Motion, Mike Lazaridis. CBET is planning to offer an undergraduate degree in the ne.ar future. Various faculties across c~I)Us have been invited to co-operate with the new BBET program, offering double degrees, -options and minors to help expand the knowledge base of , UW's top-ranking students.

It's no secret that University ()f - Waterloo is well known for its exper~ Nanotechnology tise in the fields of science and engi- Science fans have been able to look neering. From the uber-competitive forward to another ~ew addition to science andbusiness progr;mto its the University ofWaterloQ's slate of fupc..rankingengineeringchoices, UW - engineering prografns, namely. that . does its best to stay on the forefront of nanotechnology. The study of all things small, ofwhat's what in the world of science The double majors nanotechnology often uses measure,and technology. The new BBET program isn't the Here are a few ways from the recent ments such as the nanometer -"- one only one trying to corner the doublepast, present ~d near futOre that UW , billionth of a metre. Better rqicrochips, more precise laser~, quantum degree market in tech-related pro.will be tryi[lg to keep its lead. computing - potential uses for this grams, here on campus. Call them . combination moves, homework exacting science are many. Mechatronics I fear to think what happens when headaches, or big money makers, but With a name that sounds suspiciously UWalways seems to be considering a like it could be arobotenlisted to help late-night undergraduate lab experirilnge of new double degrees with the Autobots destroy the evil forces ments go awry, though, as its own which to attraCt new students. of the Decepticons, mechatronics en- students evacuate the university to From software engineering (comgineering started as a full-fledged en- prevent attack from microscopic renegade science projects. Look out! puter science + electrical and compugirieering prpgram at UW last fall. ter engineering) tei the bachelor of The course calendar at UW will tell Business, entrepreneurship and '. business adnlinistration (WLU) I -'yo~ thittll'e'programYs BMath (UW) double degree, UW rion of the mechanical, electrical and t@chnology currently offers a number of these ;system~ design engineering disci- Those with more entrepre~eurial high-impact programs. plines with that ofcomputer science. bents have been attracted to WaterTo others, it's playing with ro- loo's Centre for Business, Entrep):eBe sure to be on the lookout for a bots, helping create and understand neurship an4 Technology (CBET). bachelor of business administration the machines of the future on both UW has recendy begun to offer a (WLU) / BCS (UW) degree, or a the programming and the physical Master's degree-level program, the bachelor offinancial management and levels. MBET,aimedathelping ensure UW Computingprogram-ajointeffort In a tradition that speaks volume~ remains a leader in producing stubetween UW's top ranking schools ofUW's tech culture, the recent rib- dent tech-based startup companies. ofaccountancy and computer science UW students. need look no fur: - both of them having been consid~ bon cutting of our new Centre for Enyironmental and' Information' ther than their current chancellor for ered here at UW"in the past year. Technology (CElT) was'performed inspiration in this field, the co-founder not by our president or chanc~llor, and co-CEO of the internationally adilts@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

a'co!iibina-

Penny Mk:helle Daniel Bacinello IMPRINT STAFF/SPECIAL TO IMPRINT

Intelligent windows Somewindowcoatings retlectthe sun's heat, which is great on those hot summer days. Unfortunately, i:h~re are manychiiJ.y days when you might pre.fer to let the warmth shine through. Researchers at University College in London have developed a window coating to solve this problem. This new smatt coating will' automatically reflects heat when warmed above 29 degrees. The material is made ofvanadium dioxide imbedded with traces of tungsten. When vanadium dioxide is heated above 68<>Cittransforms from a semiconductor that lets heat through to a more metallic substance thatretlects it. Recently, experimenters f~und that adding some tungsten to the compound could drive down the transition tempera1;Uie. Flaws incliide the yellow-green colour and the fact that it rubs off with vigorous wiping. The r~searchers explain that these minor issues could be overcome by adding blue dyes to rl).e coating and sandwiching it within double-paned glass. Wandering whale A 30 tonne humpback whale chased i.ts dinner through the gates of the bapolis Tidal Plant. The hydroelectric power plant was closed for the whole day on August 26while officials searched for the mammal. Scientists

Waterloo's solar car breaks world record UW'sMidnightSun Team announced thatdl<;y broke the official world record for the greatest distanq:travelled bya solar car (7,043.5 kilometres set by Queen's University in 2000). Midnight Sun VII is on a 4O-day tour of North America, and has their sights. on the unofficial world record of 13,054 km held by Aurora from Melbourne, Australia, for their circumnavigation of Australia in 2002. The completed journeywill cover ap_ pro)cimately 19,000 kffi and take the team through all 10 provinces and 25 US states. Next Olympics: man vs. ma路 chine? Foryears athletes requiring tactic trairiing, sud). as tennis'players, have st.udied video footage to determine the best strategies for defeating an opponent. Recendy developed software seeks to make stich video-screening techniques obsolete. Researchers in Bri1;ain have developed software capable of analyzing .the unique patterns and iechriique'S utilized bytbeworicl's top athletes. An opponent's profile is enteredir}to a-computer model, which finds and analyzes the player's distinct style and strategy. Unlike the current video-screening techniques this new software is capable of analyzing hours of tape with unprecedented speed. This information is then used in de- terminingthe best approach to ensure a victory, giving the player an unffiistakable advantage over the opponent. Though this software is not yet ready for widespread use, it is clear that our future Olympics may yield athletes trained for victory by machines.

a course GermaniC:路

'SlavitStudie5

No prerequisites required for the following ... Take a course in the cultural history of Germany, Russia, or Croati~. Art - Music - Literature: these course have it all ... GER 271-M 6:309:20; RUSS 271 - T 7:00':9:50; CROAT 371 - M 7:00-9:50

Why not a film class? GERIFINE359: German Directors HollyWood exami,nes German directors who have made a mark Hollywood. Films include Clint Eastwood's In the Line of Fire, Wolfgang ,Petersen's Das Boot, and Todd Haynes' Far Heaven.GERlFINE359- TIT1i6:30-8:30.

Contact Dr. James M. Skidmore for more hifo skidmore@uwa1:erloo.ca

SCORBOT路ER III cuts the ribbon forthe new Centre for Environmental and Information Technology

we still have room in some of our

classes too!

FRIDAY. SEPTEMBER 3, 2004 '\

PORTS Get active and stay fit with Campus Rec tember 18. A detailed schedule of programs, including times and locations' can be found online' at www.atl),letics.uwaterloo.caoratthe Campus Rec office in the PAC. ~od

McLachlan

MPRINTSTAFF

League Registration

Competitive and recreational leagues are open for sign-up. Anyone interfhe staff ofUW's Campus Rec welested can organize a team or can :ome all frosh as well as returning register .~s individuals in the comIpper year students to come and petitiv.e leagues. 'ind out what Campus Rec can offer There are many sports offered by IOU. Information is available on Campus Rec this term Competitive nany following Campus Rec prosports include soccer, basketball, ~rams. broomball, volleyball, ice hockey and To top it all off, there will be ball hockey. On the recreational side ,mes and free give-aways. This event of things, slo-pitch, ultimate, bas:akes place on Tuesday, September ketball, water polo, &occer and voll4 from 11 a.m. until 2:30 p.m. in leyball are all sports to consider when :he Physical Activities Complex thinking of registering. PAC). . The sign up period will run from For more infonrtation, please 9路a.m. until 4 p.m. from September :ontact Michelle Robinson at 88813 until September 17. Students can ~567 ext. 7126. sign-up up in the PAC athletics office. For further information, please rry it weeki contact Campus Rec maqger and inl,ifuch like test driving a car~ Campus tramural coordinator Marc Iturriaga {ec is offering students a chance to at 888-4567 ext. 5693 regarding the :ry it before they buy it. Among the . competitive leagues and please con)tograms to be offered are sports. tact Michelle Robinson at 888-4567 :linics, fitness classes, instructional ext. 7126 for the recreationalleagues. :lasses, clubs demonstrations and ~withflIes from UW Campus Recpress iurprises throughout the week. release The free program offerings will un during the day iii the PAC and :=IF from September 14 until Seprmclachlan@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

:ampus Recreation open house

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ATHLETICS S

SAXON

725-2421

sports@imprint.uwaterloo:ca

Former Warrior Ellis soars to

Olympic final Rod IVicLachlan IMPRINT STAFF

Pole vaulting is definitely one of those Olympic events that captivate and awe spectators time and time again because of the death-defying leaps that athletes accomplish with ease. On August 25, UW alumna a!).d Kitchener native Dana Ellis took centre stage before a sold-out crowdofover60,OOOinordertocompete in thewomen's pole vaulting final at the Olympics. This was only the second Olympic Games for the relatively new women's sport. Herva)lltof4.40metreseamedher a sixth-piace finish in event where she wasn't even 100 per cent sure that she would qualify for the finals due to the high-calibre field of Olympic athletes. Ellis, 24, was not alone in the final as fellowCanadianStephanieMcCannalso qualified and ended up with a tenth. place showing. "I thinkboth ofus are capable ofthe 4.55 jump but it's going to take sometPing," Ellis told Pat Griet ofthe Calgary Sunin an interview irnmediately followingthecompetition.~'Evenifwe'dbeen

able togo4.40,4.45 or 4.50 before 4.55, youknow,haveoneinbetween,itwould have helped. Our (personal bests) are 4.41 (McCann) and 4.43 (Ellis) so going. 4.55 would have taken a real special jump." . "AfterI was finished and I looked up at the results, I thought, 'My gosh, I just competed in an Olympic final and did pretty welL'" In May of this ye.ar, Ellis broke the Canadian pole vaulting record with a leap of 4.43m. Hhowever Ellis and McCannwerebothincapableofcleating 4.55 in the Olympic final. As a result, both Canadians watched from the sidelinesasRussia's Yelenalsinbayevabroke herown worldrecordwithanincredible vault of 4.91 to claim the gold l,IledaL Fellow Russian competitorSvetlana,

Ellis,.a gymnast turned pole vaulter, wowed in Athens Feofanova finished in second plac-ewith tions director Chris Gilbert.. a .jump of 4.75 and Poland's Anna Ellis'roadtotheOlyrnpicsbeganatthe Rogowska took the bronze with a vault UniversityofWaterloojustovertwoyears . ago.DuringhervaultingcareeratWaterof4.70.路 100, she was a four-time academic allAmefcan ttackandfieldall-starStacy Canadian, anOUA all-star and.a OS allDragila, who was expected to contend for a medal at these Olympics, failed to Canadian. When shegraduatedfromUW even qualify fortheevent's finalaftershe . shewastheOSpolevaultingrecordholder . was unable to vault any higher than 4.30 (4.01m).Heraccomplishmentsatthetime . earned her the 2002 female athlete ofthe in' heat one of the preliminary round. Backathomeon theday~ftheevent, yearawardfromtheuniversityaswellasthe accompanied automatic induction into UW athletics department staff w~ the UW athletics hall of fame. closely watching to see how former Warrior Ellis would finish, saidUW rmclachlan@imprint.uwaterloo.ca athletics communications and promo:

IInprillt sports

FRIDAY. SEPTEMBER 3, 2004

Starvin

••

not just for artists anymore

Sport Canada program designed to provide direct financial assistance to Canada's top-tier athletes. But aspiring <)lympians who rely on the AAP will soon find themselves sinkingfaster than the Canadian team. There are two levels of assistance available from the AAP, depending on your ability and potential to become a top-notch athlete. The absolute maximum an athlete can receive is $1,100 per month.

swim

TWO-MINUTE WARNING After years of public argument between the haves and have-nots of sport, I have come to the conclusion George Steinbrenner and every other deep-pocketed franchise owner in NorthAmericahas been dying to hear -money equals success. Just ask the Canadian Olympic team. It's not a hardcand-fast rule, because eyeryso often an athlete team :willrnakegrea(smdes toWards success ~~bigheart and a small wallet. But hetrCahd dedication and God-given ability can only go so far when you're skippingpractice for your shift at Home Depot. Amateur athletes -like the kind participating in most Olympic events - are not compensated for their efforts in the form ofweeklypaycheques. There are no astronomical contracts for amateur athletes, so they must rely heavily on government grants to ensure they survive economically. ,r~~:rhisis the alleged job of Sport G1ll'1aCii's Athlete Assistance Program (AAP), which bills itself as the only

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heart, dedication and God-given ability can only 'go so far when you're skipping practice for your shift at Home Depot." 11 •••

That doesn't go very far when you factorinrent,coaching,facilityrentals, bills and living expenses. So to make , ends meet, athletes must turn towards part-time jobs and away from extended training time. Suddenly, the choice for athletes 'becomes going to practice or eating dinner tonight. Plus, you have to be ranked in the top 16 in the world for your specific sport to even qualify for major help

times available - www.adrianjones.org. ... 886-4514.

HELP WANTED Weekend counsellors and relief. staff to work in homes fo~ individuals with developmental challenges. Minimum eightnionth commitmeht. Paid positions. Send resume to Don Mader, K -W Habilitation Services, 108 Sydney Street, Kitchener, ON, N2G 3V2. Waitresses/waiters needed part-tim.e at Almadina Egyptian Cuisine and Just'n Pita. Bring resume to Phillip Street, University Plaza, Waterloo, during business hours. Angie's Watedoo and St. Agatha require line cooks and wait staff. Varied shifts, . flex hurs: Call"886:2540 or 747-1100 ~daSk:for Teresa pr'Sharon~ Watcards agcepted. Seeking other Comp Sci students with . some idle clock .cycles interested in collaborating on some innovative software ideas. Objective is a salable app or an economically viable business. Share in equity. Worst case; it will look good on the resume. mathewevans@golden.net. Please include "Collaboration" in the subject field. Part-time employment - fun, games, sports and crafts with after-school children at Laurdwood Public School. Walking distance from the University. Interested persons shoUld leave message at 741-8997. Full time and paq time kitchen helpers wanted. Should be 'experienc:;ed, prefer. ence given to whom have Worked in Indian kitchen/restaurant. PleJe call 7472763 or drop in your resume in person at Masala Bay, 3B Regina St., N., Waterloo. Attention coaches attending Wilfred Latirier University, University of Waterloo and Conestoga College this fall! Part

from the AAP. In fact, a conversation between an aspipngathlete and a Sport Canada exec could sound something like this: Cyclist: Mo, my name is Pierre and I would like to apply for ze at-lete assistance program? Bureaucrat: Gee, Pierre, we'd like to help you out. But even though you're the best cyclist in the nation, there are still two dozen Spaniards better than you. Cyclist: Oh. Well, zen how will I make ends meet? Bureaucrat: Well Pierre, do you like cooking French fries? So how do we fix this debacle of an athlete assistance program? The answeris simple. The government needs to increase the AAP's annual budget -by a lot. I'mnotsuggestingthefederalgovernment boost AAP funding by cutting from other essential programsthe chance formore medals isn'tworth closing hospitals for. But the AAP is certainly a better cause than half the things Canada's government has wasted money on recendy (ie. gun registry fiasco). So blame the government, blame the competition, blame the fact that our summer competitors are snowed in for half the year. Just don't blame the athletes. These are the people that have worked part-time jobs, trained and

attended school- usually sacrificing sleep along the way-to represent our nation on the world's greatest stage. So when their results don't meet your expectations, remember the athletes you're rooting for have the same strength, perseverance and determina-

time coaching posltlons available for evening and weekend classes in our kindergym and recreational gymnastics for both boys and girls for our fall season commencing September 11. There are positions available within walking and busing distance from both Universitities. Please call Robyn at 519-743-4970 between 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. or kwgymnasticsclub@on.aibn.com. Now hiring student fundraisers! $8.50/ hour to start, work on campus, flexible hours, raises every 20 shifrs. If you are a good communicator, enthusiastic and dependable, then we want to talk to you! Please apply in person at the Office of Development in South Campus Hall. Please include a cover letter, resume, class schedule and three references. Volunteer co-ordinator required by Imprint September 7 to December 3, for a maximum of 85 hours. 'Must qualify for Work Study Plan. The volunteer coordinator will bring knowledge and resources to volunteers that will aid in the production of Imprint Publications. He/ she will provide training to volunteers so that they are better able to fulfill their duties and responsibilities as Imprint Puhlications volunteers. He/she will be available for questions, training and con-sultation with volunteers for approximately 10 hours per week. Also to act as a co-ordinator for Clubs Day and Imprint's official "welcomer." If interested, bring your resume to Laura Katsirdakis, room 1116, Student Life Centre or email to ' editor@imprint.uwaterloo.ca. Production assistant required by Imprint September 7 xo December 3, for a maximum of 85 hours. Must qualify for Work Study Plan. The production assistant will aid in the production of the newspaper on a weekly basis by aiding volunteers and organizing resources. The production assistant Will lend support to editorial staff on Tuesday and Wednesday nights and will help ensure production

runs smoothly. The production assistant's main priority is to ensure the speedy completion of layouts, including maximizing the benefit of Tuesday's preproduction by producing as many first proofs as possible. Candidates should be "Proficient with Adobe PageMaker 6.5 'and Photoshop. Knowledge of Quark and Indesign are strong assets. If interested, bring your resume to Laura Katsirdakis, room 1116, Student Life Cen-tre or e-mail .to editor@imprint.uwaterloo.ca.

tion this nation prides itself on. They may not win many medals, but they will always have heart, because they're Canadians, damnit. , And that's something money simply can't buy. amcguire@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

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UPCOMING Thursday, September 9, 2004 Please note the Single and Sexy performance scheduled at 5 :00 p.m. today has been rescheduled to 4:00 p.m. Wednesday, September 22, 2004 Waterloo-Germany exchange session the Germanic and Slavic department is holding an information session on Wednesday, September 22 from 3:30 to 5:00 p.m. in ML 245. The exchange is open to all students. For further informtion visit the web site at http:germanicandslavic.uwaterloo.ca/ exchange/. Tuesday, September 28, 2004 University of Waterloo Recreation Committee (UWRC) presents "Spoken Word" with Heather Majaury in the Davis Centre, room 1301 at 12:05 to 12:50 p.m. Bring your lunch and relax. For more info UWRC@aedmmail.uwterloo.ca.

VOLUNTEER Volunteer with a child at their school and help improve their self-esteem and confidence. One to three hours a week commitinent. Call Canadian Menrru Health . at 744-7645, ext 317.

Call 1-80IJ.5656·USC (872) to pledge your support today or visit our website at www.usc-canada.org 56 Sparks Street. Ottawa. ON K1P 5Bl ~ (613) 2346827 Fax: (613) 234-6842 ~. Charily RegistJalion # 11927.fl129-RR 0001

LIBRARY Friday, September 10 - Information for graduate students, 1:30 p.m. -learn about facilities and services that will make your library research more effective. Meet a't DC1568.· There are' tours ev~ day - contact the library for more info.

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Inlprillt: Stlldent by day

FRIDAY SEPTERMBER 3,2004

President's welcome Mayor's Wi~come David Johnston

Herb Epp

UNIVERSITY OF WATERLOO PRESIDENT

MA,(OROFWATERLOO

On behalf of Council and thedtizensofWaterloo, welcome to our city>and welcome to theUniversityofWatetino. Thank you torttlOosingone of turalinteresr. .. ~YJ;~tte instituour choice to',' >.ti~riS: to. pursue study here at .rqe ';"Yourpbst.,secpnd-. UniversityofWater-: aryedacatioil. 100 makes you a Vi..; ..... Waffdoohas tal part of our com~; a popbhition of munity. And you!::~ ~,approximately participation in. lO7.,OOOpeople· these.l!-.cti,vj.ties will' and . persr..:sec.ehriclius both. ondary students 1Jii,s; w~~ you. makeup appr 9 xi-." are~ajoUr::. ~tely26 per:cerit.of. .ney,firl~'~du'Ca.uon 'total. .' . ~hf+ey6~WWcpn;.. .·:blhtigrotipah~Jha;Ve1J'i£l!c~l:!!l~·'\I sistently learn ,aqp: apply. ana l(;!-arn.:· . an<i~~:corriinunity. anew~'for::a"; life:.:!r ",:bles.s't:dwith the contribt1tions of thousands •. ti.tn~jwis~ious4t.,.': ii:ofholtrspfvollroteer s~rvices given by stu~ . '~{)ssandhappiness .' dents· in our community. We consider sni~·.· as you pursue, 'yoJit' . dents one of our major assets. '. . ··.·,stu~es. The tim~t . '. We arepleased you have chosen Waterloo . ¢ffott you i.pvest here ~'d1ibpethatwhileyouarehereyouwilltake ,help shape ,the rest of your life. time to visit the many new bUsinesses located

As you're gettingsettled thi~ week - unpacking a s)Jit- . case,hangingposters and reviewing your course schedule - I urge you to take time to explore this magnificent campus of ours. The University of Wac terloo.is a place where you will study and learn and itis

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also k~e where you will meet new peop!10 form lasting friendships and test oeWideas: I hope you will take advan):age ofall oftheacademic, social and athletic opportunities available to you here. . . Waterloo sJ:OO~;a~e en~ed in a wide variety of activities: competingin varsity athletics, mounting conceits and dramatic productions,producingthis newspaper and forming clubs for every sort of recreational, social, or cul-

in the UpTown core. Please walk around and enjoy our excellent shops and restaurants. Ifyou choose to venture a bit further, check out RIM Park and the Grey Silo Golfcourse on University Avenue East. There you can enjoy a vatiety of sports or take a leisurelywalk or roller blade along 15 kilometres of paved trails. We recognize that many of you trui.y be living away from . for 'the first time.

L1U'"u.a~.rt:lSpt:Cl. We trust that >you will feel at home both on ClltIlPU5 an<,L in our "community.l)llring your stay in Waterloo, I am certainYC?l;lwill de"'~!';lop many friendshipsthatyouwillcher.' isb:~t the rest of your lives. '. " a~afltick in yoUr studies! . ~~,

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FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3,2004

InlpriIlt: -Student -by dcl)T

Henry's handy tips Jeff Henry FEDS VICE PRESIDENT EDUCATION

By now you've had more peoplewel~ come you to UW and give you advice on howto spend the next three, four,_ or five years more times than you probably remember. After forking over your life savings to pay for tuition,you're probably also wondering something else: how can I find enough money for next year and is there anyone out there fighting for me? '

You're prob~bly wond,ring: how can I f.ind enough money for next year and is there anyone out there fighting for

me?

The answer to the fIrst question is ~,:unfortunately a combin~ti()n()ÂŁ Pa.r1;7

Feds welcome frosh to UW Wroe' and Henry give students helpful hints for success at Waterloo Becky Wroe FEDS PRESIDENT

Well, you finally made it to UW! In all likelihood you've spent the past two months planning this out, what you're going to take, how you're going to get here and maybe talking to your new roommate. If you're anything like I was when I first came to UW, you've discovered that yoo can pack everything you need for the next four months in three hours. You shouldn't let that become a pattern like I have, especiallyifyou'll be moving frequef\tly.

Well, now that you're settled in, let , me tell you a little bit about what kind of fun you can get yourself into here. Your Federation ofStudents (your student government, located in the Student Life Centre across from Tim Hortons) manages 150 clubs and 9 student services. Feds dubs range from Quiz Bowl to the Chess Club to the Waterloo Space Society. Services available include the Off-Campus Dons, the UW Sustainability Project; Co-op Student Services and the Gays and Lesbians of Waterloo (GLOW). A complete listing of clubs and services

is available on the Federation of Students Web site, www.feds.ca. While you wonder through campus I encourage you to discover the student-tun businesses, owned and operated by you, UW students. Aussies is your convenience store located Down Under (in the basement of the Student Life Centre) At the Used Bookstore (around the corner from Aussies) you can buy and sell textbooks. On hot days you can buy cold treats from Scoops, you can drop by the Bombshelter for lunch and attend concerts and special events at

,Federation Hall (located near Village 1.) Each of the faculties also has a Student Society, which organizes events for students in all disciplines of that faculty and the Students' Council of the Federation of Students is made ofpeople who represent you and meets monthly to voice your thoughts and opinions. During your time at UWIencourage you to become involved in activities that peak your interests. Your time here is limited and-we'd like you to enjoy it to the fullest!

.. timework, OSAP and uWbilrSanes: The Ontario Student Assistance Program (aSAP) has an expectation of both parental contribution and your own contribution to your education, so keeping to a budget and finding part-time work now and full-time work during the off-term is important. There are opportunities for parttime work on campus, both with the Feds and with the university, so visit our offices in the SLC. If you qualify for aSAP, which manystudents unfortunately do not, you can also apply for UWbursaries to meet what aSAP doesn't. As far as the second question goes, your Federation of Students is a member ofprovincial and federal lobbying organizations (OUSA and CASA) that advocate to government on behalf of students. As your VP Education, I help set the direction for these organizations. From a two-year tuition freeze to student representation on the Rae-led review of higher education in Ontario, the Ontario Undergraduate Student Alliance has seen some hard-earned success in the past year. The Canadian Alliance of Student Associations mostrecently won victories for students in the 2004 Federal Budget includinganew low-income grant ofup to $3000 for first-year students and an increasein loan limits to help address unmet need. Both organizations have secured a reduction in parental contributionin the past year as well, allowing thousands ofstudents access to aSAP for the first time. Both will coritinueto fight for greater funding to promote access without the crippling debtstudents are being saddled with.

IUlprillt: Student by day

FRIDAY SEPTERMBER 3~ 2004

FRIDAY, SEPTEtvfBER 3, 2004

IIIlprillt: Sttlcient b:V

da~y

FRIDAY SEPTERMBER 3,2004

Study tips., prof proftles,.social events ·and Arts

• Andrew Dilts IMPRINT STAFF

You've made it to Waterloo, survived the cheerfest that is frosh week and embarked on a feW-new adventures of your own. Classes are about to start though, andyousuddenlyrememberthatyou've come hete for the acaderi1i.cs. Ifyou stili. have that naggingfeeling that there's a bit more to kno~ to before you're going to survive yout education over the next fQur.or five years, here are a few tips from somebody who's just recently made itbut the other side. 1. Get involved in your faculty

The firstrule ofschool- do not leave UW without getting involved. Whether you're up to your ears in helping.the psychology department with some ~esearch or sitting in the' Imprintofficelateona production night, . it's essential to get involved. You'll

.Ene:ineerine:

meet new people, you'll learn handy new skills and you'll" bulk up -that resume to help you gera job when you graduate. The Arts Student Union (ASU),in the Arts Lecture Hall, is a great place to start. It's a regular gather:irigplace for just a handful of the faculty'S involved students and you can be sure that they won't gloss over the truth when it comes to classes, professors and the oyerall UW arts experience. 2. Choosing your profesSors

The next best thing to know at UW is that your professors willmake or break your courses. Be sure to ask aroundfrosh leaders during frosh week and the Arts Student Union afterwards. Find out who will inspire you to do great thingS with your life, and fmd out who will put you to sleep. Find out who fails h~f the class, and who will likely give you an 'A.' In some required courses, a bad prof will be

Tom Levesque

here at Waterloo. But l\S a frosh and throughout your undergraduate career; you need only remember a few Welcome to UW engineering. Take a . simple rules. moment to read this article carefully. Savour its clear, comprehertsible Eng1. Your grades will neve... reflect lish and its utter lack of any mathyou ... intelligence . ematical formulas,Java code or ChiEngineeringisfullofthebrightestand nese characters. Be grateful that you best from around the world - every have not yet added an Arabic accent to the voice in your head. Take hote that .singl~ person in your class is atleast as smart as you are. Grades reflect ~ork a real, warm-blooded woman may ethic. If you want high grades, you r~d this article or even touch the page need to work hard. . on which it is printed. .You should especially appreciate the fact that you have now read an entire paragraph, 2. You only live o!"ce are still awake and have not required Do not sacrifice yoUr livelihood for a T.A. to make a clarification. your grades orvice versa. Strike a balThese seemingly simple luxuries ance, and for goodness' sake, find a will elude you throughout your quest IMPRINT STAFF

unavoidable but if you can avoid them it will rnakeall the difference to your education.

4. Academic counsellors and where to find them

When you belong to UW's largest faculty, it can be hard to bow where to turn for help. Here's the skinny: if When I want to take a break on you're not in a program (e.g. psych, campus, lprefer a venture to any of english) yet, then you're looking for the the student-run coffee and doughArts Undergraduate Office at the back nut shops, better known as C&Ds. .of the first floor of the Modem Lan· The food is less expensive, the service guages building. I personally could not is friendlier and, far and away, you've . have made it through my university ~t a much heartier selection of food. e.ducation without the help qf these Be sure to note the section on ''Where truly wonderful people. If you already to get cheap food on ~ampus." (p~ know what you want to specialize in , 11) each program has advisors ofits own. There are UW-run coffee shops in Be sure to ask your professors in the the Dana Porter Library, in the base- • first week of classes where the proment ofthe Modem Languages btiild' gram's advisor can be found. ing and on the third floor of the If you're looking for counseJ.llp.g of psycholog)i building. The Arts Stuthe personal sort., go to the third floor of dents Union in the Arts Lecture Hall Needles .Hall. Counselling - both can be kind of cramped but is always acadepic and personal-is free fot all full of active an~ interesting students UW students. Be surt;: to ask for help and offers really cheap pop (60cents), when you need it. chips.(70cen"ts) and· chocolate bars(70cents). . 3. Where to take a break

adilts@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

girl. (For the engineering girls: stay awayfrom th~se creeps in your class.)

midterms and final exams. This is a key component.

3. Frosh week festivities are a foil for the difficult times ahead

5. Play hard

No matter wha,t your predicament, always remefu.berthatemotion,charisma and expression are what make us human, not formulas, numerical analysis or approximation.

If you (heaven forbid) decide to be more social, trymeetingpeople outside ofengin~ CampusRecrea .

~~"" .. provide piles of opportunities. Social . . dancing, the badminton club and the weight room are all activities that I c~ recommend. And if you love to write, volunteer for Imprint! 4. Work hard Goodluck, live long and prosper, The seventh floor of Dana Porter . may the force be with you, and when Library (the giant white cube) is a in .doubt, remember the answer is always 42. !$Feat, qUiet place to study. If you prefer a more public place, tty the Village 1 Great Hall. And remember talevesq@!mprint.uwaterloo.ca to study consistendy, not just before

Math

Heramb Ramachandran IMPRINT STAFF

So you chose math. Or your parents chose it for you. Or you couldn't get into engineeri~g and math was the fallback. In any event, Dr. Herambone ·will impart to you young frosh valuable tips to surVive fIrst year math; Firsdy, let me establish my credentials. Unlike many of theprofessors and doctoral candidates at this university, I ordered my PhD online. I wanted to dabble in some combinatorial regression'modeling with a hint.of astro physical. alphan1etrics but grad school told me to fuck off. 'The world ofInternet diplomas pre.sented an offer I couldn't refuse. .Anyboot, listen up ... Considering this is the first week before classes start, you guys have to write the Math Preparedness ";st. Let me repeat, this testis the bi~st waste of time ever. It's about as useful as a third testicle. Since youfrosh are naive, you probably think this test is worth

something. It's worth zilch. Frosh week is about having fun and meeting people. And when someone asks YOll to party with them during this time, please God don't tell them you are studying for a math test. It brings great shame to Dr. Herambone. . Sure, the math department may have you believe t4is test establishes your preparedness for ftrst year math courses. Wrong. It you ace the test: you develop a false confidence and don't study hard enough for the real tests and then you fail out of math and people laugh at you. . I got a 3/25 on the bloody thing. Two morons did worse than me though. Sure I got scared and thought I didn't belong in math. But after a week of classes, realized this test had no relation to the math courses I was taking. Perhaps I am being too subde - this test is bullshit.

Preparedness Test

When class starts, some people like to read ahead and boast of theirpreparedness to other people in residence. Hey, if that floats your boat, go for it. But for the rest ofyou guys, don't get intimidated. It's called ftrst month keenness. When you arrive at university, everyonewants to go hardcoretightaway and keep up with every detail in class. Boys and girls, university is an endur-

due: Some people will tell you to take advantage of the tutorial center and solicit help from tutors. That's a swell idea but sometimes them places are filled up. Solution? Work in groups. Find one brainy bastard and stick to him/ her like a fl.}' on shit. Working on an assignment in groups of four or five will get you guys done earlier which ' means Fed Hall Thursday.

ancerace,paceyoutsel£It'so~yifyou

· fallbehindnowand then, don't worry about it. Catch up at sttategic moments, like before exams start. 2. Don't worry aboutfalling back

In all firstye~math courses, there are numerous assignment-s worth 10-15 per cent of your final mark. ~ese assigmnents are designed to apply inclass theory to examples. They will not bring yout mark up or down · much so don't go all out if you have other mpre significant assignments 1. Don't study for the Math

3. Copy assignments. Err, I mean work in groups

I'm not promoting copying off your buddy but hey if you're holding up the pre-drinking, do what you gotta do.

Ok, young ftosh, those are Or. Herambone's tips for success in first year math. If you aren't convinced these tips will help you, go blow a goat, the hell I care.

hramachandran@imprint.uwaterlop.ca

FRIDAYiSEPTEMBER~.2004

IlnpriIlt:

Studelltb~yday

secret information from your faculties Science

Adam Johns SPECIAL TO IMPRINT

Greetings young science student! You can look forward to the nex~ few years being some of the most excruciatingly entertaining and exciting times ofyour life. You ~ learn things you never thought you would learn, and you will "make party" to an extent you never thought possible in high school.

1. Study tips Don't feel bad about ~tudying; like eating, it's something you've got to do. If you'te taking chemistry, do the practice problems! In high school you could get through by understanding concepts and formulas but university chem applies the formulas in more sophisticated ways, implementation isthe.key. Calculus is tough! Luckily,you'are . at a school with some super brainy math kids, so overlook their pungent aromas and obsession with the movie Pi and ask them for help. The math building also has a drop-in tutorial centre where you CI!11 get help from upper year students; this goes forphys~

,~pplied

Health ;'

Adrian Chin IMPRINTSTAFF

Welcome to all you AHSers, or AHSsies, as \\r~ like to' tall. ourselveS~ ~.iS'the~dasirlMiegt'f:iChlty1Jii campus but we have a lot of spirit so you'n find making friends in this faculty rather easy. If you've ~lready signed up for the AHS {rosh week prepare to have an extraordinary goodtime, ifyou haven't signed up, I urge you to reconsider.

Student ,vents The studentloungeis a great place to network since a lot of students will hang out there between classes. Not only that, but· because .the Applied Health Sciences UndergradMembers (AHSUM) office is located in thatatea,

Environmental Studies t

I Il r

I \

Matthew lee

ics too. In biologyyouwillhave to memo~e a daunting, amount of information. I suggest flash cards! Irmay seem demeaning to be making flash cards when you are 18 years old but th!'!y work and you can even playa fun "memory" game with your friends. Keep a positive attitude. Next time you hav:e a midterm, don't hyperventilate. Justr!!peatthisphrase: "Fuckit, I did my best and I can always make good money in construction."

For academicconcems, see your program advisor. These people are invaluable for planning your schedule, tryingto getintO classes or even getting advice on what careers you can do with your degree. When all else fills; ask the prof. P.rofs love to see students trying hard, so swing by during office hours and show that you've put in the effort. You might be rewarded with tips on what will be on the test or extra: help at no charge. .

2. 'Whereto go when you inevitably crack under the strain

to see

Yeah, University is tough! No matter Your res roomis equipped withMSN how smart you are, the stress will get Messenger, computer games, magato you. You will probably beg your zine;s and probably about a billion friends to kill you, or at the very least downloaded Simpsons ~isodes. So run through your residence hall, unless you have more willpower than dressed in a Batman costume shout-an Olympic athlete, you should probing, "The tap water is full of robots!" ably Bud some place to study where This is normal. Help is available. you won't be distracted. UWhas it's very own counselling Tryalibrary! Davis Centrers kind service, with trained counsellors who of noisy but always sociable and peocan help you with study skills, career ,pIe dress nice to study there. Dana deveiopment or personal and social' Porter is really quiet but lonely and conCems. Check out the counselling people will generally go there dressed services Web site' at like tht;y have just rolled outofbed. www.adm.uwaterloo.ca/infocs. They have. you'll certainly be updated withinformation aoout any upcoming e\"ents, volunteer opportunities and nrious other things on catI)pus. ... ' Another great resource offered thiqugh AHStJM is the exam hatik, oM exams from various courses are there at }"OUt disposal.

Endowment fund Another thing to note is the Applied Health Sciences Endowment Fund (AHSEF). Students are able to submit , funding proposals to _help improve their university environment. The fund ~ entertain all sorts of ide~ from purchasing newlab equipment to funding gueSt lecturers and other special projects. Y o~ have already donated money to the fund so take advantage of this opportunity and sub-

you with your studies. The University Map and Design Library (UMD) is the destination for design and cartographic materials at the University. With the As the smallest faculty, being a student in Environmental Studies defi- . School ofArchitecture's move to Gunnitely has its advantages. Here are a bridge, most of the design materials related to Architecture willmove to the few ES essentials I and pointers to make it through the year. ' new Musagetes Architecture Library. However, all materials can easily be C~urse~, prof's and materials requested and delivered to campus, There are two classes that most ES wide library centres via the trellis library catalogue system. ,frosh normally take. Introduction to Environmental Studies also proEnvironmental Studies attempts to make students realize the impact of vides extensive'computing services. . everyday choices onour ecological enES provides multiinedia equipment and services such as digital sound and vironment. Remember to beparticularly consciousln keep:i.ngup with the video labs, and digital and traditional . rea,dings asProfessotRo.binson goes darkroom facilities. The multimedia through the !Jlllteria1 exttemely: quickly. helpdesk provides digital still cameras, digital ~deo cameras, 35mrn cameras In the winter term, all students will and medium format cameras available have to take an introductory statistics on loan free of charge. course. The instructor,Dr.Andrey, is a jewel in environment;U studies; Where to eat ' her enthusiasm in tea~hing defInitely Have time between classes? Why not makes.statistics enjoyable. Environmental Studies has an exst<?P by the ES Coffee Shop? The' ES tensive number of resources to assist Coffee Shop sells a variety of ba)<.ed IMPRINT STAFF

3.(Scientific)PI~cestogo,people

mit a proposal.

Make some money Once school starts, there",-ill be plenty of opportunities to be a test subj~ct forll1itudy.Somedf these studies will provide some monetary compensation but even more worthwhile is the experience you'll gain. The people doing these studies are often very open to questions and may sometimes need help in the lab. Many students don't really know what to expect from their program so getting involved in some upper year projects is a great opportunity to fInd out what it is all about and'more "}mportantly if it is the program for you.

Study tips

goods from cookies and chocolate covered croissant's to samosas and turnovers - not to mention their exquisite coffee (cheaper than Tim Hortons I might add). It does not serve paper cups, so remember to bring your lug-a-mugs - there should be .one in your ES frosh package.

Student associations Each of the five ES programs has its own student association: Waterloo Architecture Student Association ASA), Waterloo Environment and Business Students (WEBS), Environment and Resource Studies Student Association (ERSSA), Waterloo Association of Geography Students (WAGS), the PlanningStudentAssociation (PSA), as well as an umbrella organization, the EnvironmentalStudies Society (ESS). As always, they welcome volunteers and will be in the pro~ess for new class representatives. You can checkout the current events of all the organizations 00. the bulletin boards in the ES Coffee Shop.

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Are you interested in cheap snack food, volunteering and hanging out in a room with couches? The science C&D shop on the first floor ofB2 has the cheapest snack food on campus. On the third floor ofB2 NistheScience Society office, where you will fina th~ exambank, cheap photocopies and your science societyexecutive. 4. Miscellaneous· Sleep! Jf you don't sleep you'will go crazy. Andnomatterhowmuchwork you have to do, you'll do a better job if you are well-rested. , Sornetutorialshaveattendancemarks ·ormandatoryweeklyquizzes. Find out which ones those are and go to them, because2percentaweekoffyourfinal mark has an uncannyway ofadding up. Beforeyouchooseaclass, you might 'want to consider checking up on your profs atwww.ratemyprofessor.ca. The , rankings are by no means scientific, but they can still help to determinewhether or not your prof is evil. As my final piece of advice, I will invoke the words of the incomparable Dave Chappelle, ''Enjoy yourselves, bitches, it's a celebration."

Ifyou want to ~void acadetnic probation or even flUnking out completely make sure you know how to study. During the first several weeks ofclass, there will berworkshopsoffered to ·help improve'yoUtst1,ldy h~. The AHS lounge is probably the worst place to study since there is so much distraction. A good place to go is the fIreplace lounge in the Lyle Hallmari'Institute or the grad lounge on the third flbor. These areas ate usually quiet and free from distraction. Purchase cue cards, you'll find that they are very handy for learning th~ material fOl courses with a lot of memory work. Min all, study hard and make sure that you give yourselfenough time tc prepare for exams. Have a great frosh week!

What to read For the environmentally informed Alternatives Journal is an independent bimonthly journal which'raise~ important informed analyses of envi· ronmental issues. :):.ocated on fl!S1 floor of ESl beside the ES Coffet Shop, Altema~es need your sup· port and are. always looking for volun· teers. If you're enthusiastic to make ~ difference in the environment, ·th( University ofWaterloo SustainabilitJ Project (UWSP) is for you. UWSI • strivesraiseenvironmentalawareness promote active participation and steW· ardship and to enhance state of th( campus environment. UWSP is located on the third floor of the Studen Life Centre. Thereyouhavek Bestwishesan( get ready to embark a great yeat ir Environmental Studies. mlee@imprint.uwaterloo.cl

IIllprint: Stlldel1t by day

overcome when I was a frosh. Afterall, it's not like it comes complete with aguidebook. The mostimportantmenu on the side bar is definitely the one underthe'ForStudents'heading.Clickingon this linkwillopen up a submenu . with the headings: Enrollment, Academic Summary and Financial Services. The Enrolment link is where your course selection will be taking place. FroD;! there you can view your enrolment appointment for the next term. As well, your enrolment takes place here. During either your enrolment appointment or open enrolment, you can add, drop and switch classes from this menu. Finally, you can view your class schedule, always ahelpfulrerninder. Under the Academic Summary lipk, you can viewyourcourse/grade history when the marks are released. after finals. Likewise, you can also obtain your unofficial transcript. Finally, the Financial Services link allows you to view your accounq.vith UW. From here, you can find out how much your tuition and other fees will cost, as well as monitor refunds and other transactions. Under the menu 'Your Portfolio' is where all changes to your contact' Changes to your profile and enrollment for courses is done online. Specific changes, such as plan information should be made. This modifications and course overrides are done through the Registrar's office at Needles hall. . includes your address, tdephone number and email address. It's imperative that you keep this information updated so that UW always has a . wayofcontactingyou. The Undergraduate Schedule of Vanessa Thoo was too hard,theywould do their best having to wait in lines to register for Classes is where all the information SPECIAL TO IMPRINT courses and I can only shudqer to think to try and reduce your workload. regarding course selection is to be Sadly, thoseidyllic days are longer ofthe consequences. Through QUEST, found. From here, the times, locaI miss high school, when life was real. Universities treat students as adults I can leaf thr<;>ugh my undergraduate relativelyeasy.Afterall, wheneverIhad and as sucli,,rnanyoftheresponsibilities. calendar and choose cOUrsesatniylci~ , tions and class numb,er can be found. This class number is imt>onant, .as sure, all from the comfort of my own an issue with class sdection, myprobI oncetelinqtnshedtomyguidan'&:counduring enrolment, this number idenhome. I can also view my marks at the sellor are now fully my own problem. I lems could easily bedealtwith bya visit tifies the specific section of a course in completion of a semester; as well' as now have to pickmyown classes, organto my guidance counsellor. Those which you wish to be enrolled. izemyown schedule and make sure the view my financial history. How can I counsellors were our lifelines to the Irealize that the idea ofcontrolling universityaIways has a way ofcontacnng mak~ all of this happen? school. If you moved, they would most of your academic life through the Maneuvenngthrough QUESTwas . make sure yout contact infortllation me. canberather dauntingwhen computer one of the most difficult challenges to Luckily; we have QUEST. I imagine was updated. Ifyoufdtyoursemester .

QUEST

plahning and patience no

FRIDAY SEPTERMBER 3,2004 meshed into all the other stuff .you have to deal with during your frosh year so I've compiled a list of hints: 1. Y Qur course booklet comes with a timetable planner. Use it! That's whatit's there for! I find it so useful that every semester, I print a new one out from registrar's office Web site adm.uwaterloo.ca/inforeg under the Forms menu. .

2. Plan ahead. Don't wait until your enrolment appointment to decide what courses you want to take. Take a look at the schedule of classes for the next term to see which classes' have space. likeWise, use yourundergraduate calendar to see which courses are required for your degree because most cOl.,1!ses are offered only in select semesters. 3. Have a back-up plan. Sometimes, the classes you want to get into are full. Iht's required for your program, then you probably need to go talk to your academic advisor. If it's an dective, there's not much you can do except talk to the professor ofthe class to try and get on a waiting list. It's a good idea to have exttadectives picked, just in case. 4. Make sure the univer~ity can always get in. contact with you. On QUEST, you can specifyyourpermanentaddress and your mailing address. Updateyourmailingaddress every time you move so that you don't miss out . on important mail. Same goes for your email address. ", <"

,~,,,,',.:..,:tshÂŁXÂĽ~~~->.0<:'::~,,

5. Ifallelsefails,conractQUEST supportat(519) 888-4567 ext. 6644 or by email atquest@uwaterloo.ca. The help desk is located in the registrar's office in Needles Hall and is open from 8:30 a.m. - 4:30 p.m. daily.

These are the steps to hell if you don't do your QUEST homework. Be prepared. Watch your step youngfrosh!

. FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 2004

IIllpriIlt:Stlldelit byda)T

The ins路 and outs of co-op Lauren Fox

atleastwhen you wake up and hefore YQU go to bed (if you go to bed before midnight because it shuts down for When applying to universities, the coupdating). . op prQgram was what attracted me tQ 4. Prepare fQryQurinterviews with Waterloo. StartinginAppliedStudies, some backgrQund knowledge of the the thought ofgraduating with a BachcQmpany and the position youapplied elor of Arts and having two yearis for. And remember to look your best! work eJ>perience was very appealing. I 5. Right after the u:~erview you quickly found that I needed to maincan sign off a job that yah defuUtely tain a 7S'per cent average to remain in donitwant, but you J::tave tQ make sure co-op, and just as quickly was kicked you do it that day. out Qf my program. Donit worry, I 6. After a few weeks of applying managed to get around the system and interviewing,itis time to rank your and enrolled in departmental co-op job options. Make sure you rank your instead. jobs carefully, because you might end The co-op process begins in the up with something you donit want to . second week of classes and creeps up doCor no job at all. on you by surprise. The flrst thingyou There are three ways that you can . need to do is make sure that you can interview fQr a job: 1) the traditional in-persQn interview; 2) a phone intersign onto JQbl'vfine, because there are inevitably going to be problems where viewwhere you could be talking to one J obl'vfine is concerned. So before you person or on a cQnference call speaking get involved in your classes, I suggest to several pe0ple at once; and 3) a video conference, where you are linkedtQ the you spice up you,r resume and upload it in HTML on the J Qbl'vIine web site interviewers through video streaming. Gobmine.uwaterloo.ca). There are The perks Qf co-op are that you some very helpful tutorials on the only have to go to school for four Jobl'vIine web site as'well as seminars months at a time, and through your offered by CE<;:S if you need help writing-in HTML. co-op jobs you can usually make a lot more mQney than at a summer job. Now thatyouire past all the technical prQblems, you are ready to enter the Theciownsideis thatyouh~ve to st~ N~tJd&f';':路;;:;Hr;.;~"':'voUiaisS<!s路 hOmet:hmkingaboutwherefOufregomgro ;', work, appl~ing to jobs and attending work the nexttetm., before the current interviews. I tis very Qve!\\'helmingall term has e....en begun! It can also be at once, but if you fQllQW these six discouraging when you donit find a steps, you should be able to stay on job, Qr have to move every four track to fmd'a job. months, and find a new place to live. 1. Upload your resume in If you donit get matched with a job J obMip.1; the first week Qf school, and (like my situation this term) there are . make sure that all of the information people at CECS who can help you. incl4ded ori your documents package search and improve your resume, but .' lScorrect. you also need to look on your own. '2. .'lliateageneralcoverletterthat Trying to get a job though co-op is can be easily changed to suiteacl1appli- . the same as trying to get a job in rhe real catiQn. The CQver letter goes intQthe world. There are a lot of peoplelQQksame place that you 4plQaded your ingand only a limited number of resurp.e, separated by a dividing line pQsitions available. And remember, that YQU create in HTML. Note: you Jobl'vfine goes offline at midnight, so can change your resume for each applimake sure that you do all you need to. cation, and it will not change Qn jobs before then, or you might miss out. you have already applied to. . 3. CheckJ obl'vfin5': all the time, or Ifox@imprint.uwaterloo.ca IMPRINT STAFF

PHOTOS BY LAURA KATSIRDAKIS

The Tatham Centre, the home of co-operative education and career services.

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The Tatham Centre is the newest addition to the UW campus. Co-op was formerly held in Needles Hall but because of space issues, the Tatham Centre was built.

FRIDAY SEPTERMBER :3,2004

SenJing Waterloo for 24 Years! Come Celebrate 'With Andy & the Carry-On Gang. Check Out Our Specials Throughout September!

Let Imprint be your guide to surpassing the impossible Andrea Kerswill IMPRINT STAFF

Number one all time rule: be sure that you have made a fee arrangement before ,"miting in line to get your documents. You should have gotten a tuition statement in the mail. You also should have signed the promissory note on the back, and sent in the difference of the funds (if applica-

do not over-estimate your earnings for the summer, or the earnings you . may have during your study period at U\,Zl (see the definitions below).

Submission

Only submit your application when you are sure everything is correct. You also must submit all information. They IJiil1 double check things such as ownership of a car and assets.

ble). If you have not done this, you need to. The student awards office at

WATERLOO

886-4261

ments to you until you are registered for classes. This means that you have made a fee arrangement with the cashier's office through signing the tuition statement on the back.

Applyonline

Paper is much, much slmver and will cost you $10, instead go to: osap.gov.on.ca

Get the

full version

without paying

Apply early

Mid-J une for most. If you have yet to apply, get on it. The deadline is fast approaching.

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Pay attention!

Do not fill out the OSAP forms in a hurry. This would be your biggest mistake. l\Iake sure you triple check everything you do. Otherwise, one mistyped number can and will take weeks to correct. You can always save the information and submit the application when you are good and ready.

"Be sure to get in line to get your documents early at Needles Hall. If you have time during Frosh Week, then do it."

Read your mail!

Once you have completed the application, OSAP will send you documents to sign. They will send them to yourpermanettt address, so be sure they are se.nt to SOJTte\.vhetc \~/here you can get them.

Get in line during frosh week!

Be sure to get in line to get your documen ts early at Needles Hall. 1f you have time during Frosh Week, j路hen do it. It will be crazienvhen the upper year students arriYe next week.

Pre-calculate your expenses

8.f"lave your supporting documentation handy

Low-ball everything! Do not, do not,

SIN card (you mus t have the actual

Sugar & spice

Be nice to the OSAP employees, it's not their fault you can't read or didn't check the information.

10. Changes to information

U\x;r cannot release any OSAP docu-

32 King Street N.,

card, not a copy), pay stub, proof of work, \Vatcard and another piece cif ID (driyer's licence, OHIP card, etc), . and banking information (void cheque).

If you need to make any changes (after you have submitted your application), vou must do it through the Student A,vards office. Make an appointment, ext 3583 with a student awards officer. Tough definitions:

Prior to pre-study period: These are the months from January 1,2004 to the beginning of your prestudy period, which is the end of June. Pre-study period: In plain English, this is the time that you spent before coming w school. In other words, if you just came fnJm high school; rhest: ~lre the months that you spent out of school. to the month you began school. For most, this is June to September. Study period: Again, this is the time that you spend while you are in school. OSAP ,vill ask vou to calculate the amount of earnings you expect in those months from September to i\pril. This is all tJtimatiol1 onlv.

akerswill@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

* Residential SL first 3 months $22.95/month, then $33.95/month * Student Discounts Available * Computer sales and service * Prepaid calling cards

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GRAPHIC BYJEFF TRAN

OSAP can make the best of us feel like this fine fellow. But if you read the OSAP instructions carefully on the site, you will find the process much easier. Coming prepared to Needles Hall should be the number one priority for many students. Do not expect miracles, be patient and you too will get the best service possible.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3,2004

On campus eats The many places on campus to eat ori meal plan dollars Prabjot Bal SPECIAL TO IMPRINT

Tummy growling? Feeling kind of thirsty? Worry not! U\'\i campus is dotted with a host. of places to pick upa qcuck snack anneal to tide you over. Here are ;(few convenient places to consider. Bon Appetit Food Fair - Davis Centre Located in the heart of the Davis Centre is a food court where you tan select from g}"eat Chinese food, beef/ chicken burgers, fries, and subs. Located near the overhead link leading into l'vIC. Bookends Cafe - UW Bookstore SCH Right in the Bookstore you can fetch an assortment of pastries, specialty coffee/tea, cold beverages and sandwiches. Browsers - Dana Porter Arts library For those who plan on calling Dana Porter home, Browsers (DP, second floor) is an easy way to fulfill your hunger pangs. Here you can pick up a specialty coffee or tea, baked goods, sandwiches, drinks and more to aid in your studying or reading pleasure. Festival Fare - South Campus Hall On the second floor of South Campus I Iall (above the Bookstore) you will find a great selection of hot entrees, desserts, salads, baked g;qods and more. Try and. get there before 11 :30, to ayoid the engineer rush. Brubakers - Student Ufe Centre 'Need a place to kick back and relax and satisfy your cravings between classes? Then check out Brubakers in the SLC where yOU can select from a ral1ge of hot/ cold foods:' made-

to-order deli sandwiches, pasta or pitas as well as Pizza Pizza and a daily special. Pastry Plus - Various locations Found in B.C. Matthews Hall, Needles Hall or the Tatham Centre, Pastry Plus offer a fine selection of pastries, coffees, teas, hot chocolate, cold beverages, sandwiches, soup and snacks for those on "the go. Coffee & Doughnut Shops - Various locations Quality food at an economicalprice is what the C&D signifies, but they only accept cash. Here you can pick up a range of drinks, sand'wiches, soups, coffees, snacks and other goodies. For instance, at the Math C&D you can pick up oriental buns, punjabi mix, chevda, instant noodles, Jamaican patties, samosas and Indian curry -all at a very affordable price. There are a number of C&D locations to serve you: math (MC, third Hoor), science (B 1, first floor right by the overhead link), engineering (CPH, first floor near Ring Road and D\VE) and environmental studies (ES2, on ground floor). Tim Hortons - Various locations Conveniently located near both the Davis Centre (near the food court) and Dana Porter libraries (I\fodern Languages, lower level) as ,vdl as in your snlaH double-double

Horton's coming soon to the SLC. Ml'$ - Modem languages Building

Great place to pick up a hamburger, madel\}-{jrdcr ;ileE sand-;,,;:ich an'\1 select.ion tries. Students can aisoenjoya cupof coffec-:t tca

or hot chocolate at the mini-sized Tim Horton's located next to the ML eatery. They are open }\10nday to Friday until 3:30 pm.

The Dana Porter library is a popular place to get snacks betW~~1;I cl$ls~~s.

FRIDAY, SEJlTEMBER 8, 2004

esiden e survival

tips on howt live

A neW kid's guide to the good and bad of res Elena Stirling SPECIAL TO IMPRINT

Ah, it seems only years ago that I was in first year and dealing with living with 39 complete stran c gers in Mackenzie King Village. But because I have lived through it I will attempt to impart sorne wisdom on the new kids on how to sunriyc residence.

Be patient a!1d understanding The people you live with could be strange, loud, quict, obnoxious, carly risers, night owls, a royal pain or a multitude of other uncxpected things. Just try to remember they could also turn out to be your best friends. You just hav'1:! to give people the chance to shm,vyou their tme coburs.

Talk to your don The process of becoming a don isn't easy and these senior students have an endless wealth of information to offer you if you just ask: from the coolest places to hang out to how to deal with homesickt)ess. Sometimes they can offer you great laughs. Talk to them, you might JUSt be surprised atwhat YQU can pick up from them.

Don't fuck the floor Although it might seem like a really good idea at the time, booking up with people you live \llith almost always results in problems; j\side from the obvious issues of uncomfort-路

able post-breakup (or hook-up) run-ins, 'floorcest,' or inter-floor relationships, tend to seriously alter floor chemistry, setting up a hesaid, she-said situation. Some of your best friends, male orfemale, could possibly be peopIe you live with. It's usually a good idea to keep the extras confined to people who don't live in the building. Repeat after me -DFTF. Tl-Llst me when I say thefriendships are worth it.

Visit the common room There are always people in and about the common areas and this is one of the best places to meet people with similar sleep patterns and taste in television or just to talk to people who, like yourself,. are avoiding homework. Nearly everyone in your building has similar feelings of fear, apprehension and isolation. Sometimes talking about nothing helps to remind you it's not so scary to be far away from all you know.

Buy shower apparel Flip flops; shower caddies and bath robes ate nothing short of essential. The showers in residence are a little bit sketchy, so it's best to keep your feet covered, YOllr cleaning supplies in a plastic holder and your body covered on the way to the shower. It's also agoodldea to figure outprime shower time so that you can avoid the lines when you're inevitably late for your 8:30am class. See RESIDENCE, page 15

CK S-F Mid

Sunday

Monday

100.3 - Program Schedule

Thursday

Tuesday

Think you can live for eight months in this room? Think again. There are many things you must prepare yourself for.

Friday

Saturday

4 6

Open Format Music

Open路 Format Music

Open Format Music

9 10 11

Program Highlights Mid

Croatian Program Indian Program

Noon

6:00 pm: She-Devils on Heels - Join your hostesses Muffy St. Bernard

10 Open Format Music

Open Format Music

Islamic Program

11 Noon

Turkish Program

Portuguese Program

Open Format Music

Mega Mix

Open Format Music

Latin American Program

7 Open Format Music

10 11

5 6

3 4

Pressure Drop

World of Chamber Music

Open Format Music

8 9 10

Space In Your Face

of the jazz universe.

TuesdayI' 1:00 pm: Free Music - Andrew hosts an hour long look at experimental

Open Format Music

Sunday. 8:00 am to 7:30 pm - tune in for music and views from around the world. 10:00 pm: Pressure Drop - interdisciplinary drum and bass science. Monday 6:00 pm to Midnight: - Tune in for 6 hours of jazz, spanning the reaches

music and sound from around the world . and Venus Flytrap for endless nights of hot gossip, mix tips, gender community news, useless facts, peacocks, and eclectic, up-beat music! 8:00 pm: The World of Chamber Music - presentin~ digital recordings of chamber music concerts sponsored by the K-W C amber Music Society.

Wednesday 9:30 am: Making Contact - utilizing voices and perspectives rarely heard in media, Making Contact focuses on the human realities of politics, the connections between local and global events, and creative possibilities for people to engage in hopeful democratic change. 7:30 pm: Womenspin - women's n;usic, news and views for everyone.

Thursday 1 :00 pm: Salmagundi - a hearty stew of trivia, Canadian history, vintage radio and film with complementary music.

10:00 pm: Space In Your Face - the best in heavy music. Friday 1 :00 pm: Coral FM - entertainments news and views. 2:00 pm: Sahaja Radio - meditation. 3:00 pm: Visions in Sound - soundtracks. Saturday 2:00 pm: Mega Mix - with Mr. Sweetness and DJ Bridge. 6:30 pm: Vocx:too Healing - bues - new, old, spacey, punk, delta, jazzy, country, Cajun Creole - 'cause the blues ain't nothin' but a lowdown shakin' chitl! Hosted by Kevin Doyle. 10:00 pm: Frequent Mutilations - a montage of sounds, rhythms, textures and noise. A dip into the sea of possibilities. One free-form hour of audio art from a rotating core of studio rats. 11 :00 pm: Kill, Eat, Exploit the Weak - metal for vegans and more! Loving animals, huggin' trees, and rocking out to the sound of loud guiJars.

Mid

Go to ckmsfm.uwaterloo.ca for the latest schedule and program descriptions

Requests: 884-2567 Office: 886-2567 CKMS-FM, 200 University Ave W Waterloo, ON N2L 3Gl

studeIlt:

. FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 2004

tJ\T t

Herein lies the dilemma: the frosh 15 promises to either add 15 pounds to your waistline or steal 15 per cent from your grades. Which would you prefer?

great rid terrible ~!Etosh 15~' l'v1uch like Dorothv's - encounter\vlth the \vizard, frosh \vill inevitably. encounter this dreaded phenomenon Laura Katsirdakis EDiTOR-iN-CHiEF

It strikes all of us without warning. The n10st dreaded of all froshie nightmares is the Frosh 15. Whether you are a studious Sue or a partying Pat, you cannot escape its grip. Legend has it that the Frosh 15 can strike in 1:\VO ways, or if you're lucky, in both ways at once. Let Imprint be your guide to surviving the transition to university and resisting the pull of the weird and wonderful Frosh 15. Your marks: down by 15 percent

an interpretive dancer. Hell, you can't go wrong with that. 3. Realize that things will change with study habits, class structure and the individual responsibility of each student. It isup to you to make it to class, do the work, keep up \vith the prof and learn shorthand if you need to take notes. If the change from high school classes to university lectures is a problem, talk to your prof or T.A. . about advice for doing your best. Not only will this point you in the right direction but it will showxour instructor that you arc making an effort to succeed. \Vorkshops for students on writing multiple choice exams? 4. Move back home, live with your parents and workatJ\lcl)onald's until you croak.

Yup, that's what we said. Often the transition from secondary to postsecondary education leaves many prize Imprint says: students in the lurch. Suddenly classes . are conducted differently, professors Your marks may do a nosedive,but are less accessible, class sizes go up and your report card is no longer being sent marks are harder to come by. Those home for mom and dad to scrutinize. It's up to you; you're a big kid now. If who mastered the art of tell-theteacher-what-they-want-to路路hear in you want to avoid the plunge, use the high school will find the rules of the resources available to you to adjust to game much different in university, the academic changes university brings. and the old study habits are not as effective as they once were. Your weight: up by 15 pounds Options for solving problem A 1. i\1arry rich as soon as possible, abandon academic pursuits and liye in the lap ofluxury. 2. Transfer to tlne arts and become

"10m's not cooklng you dinner

anymore and the call ofthe fast-food mons ter is srrong. A s tLldent' s schedule can be hectic, and making time to eathealthl' food is difficult. All of the

sudden your jeans are feeling too tight and you're optingto wear track pants to the two o'clock lecture. Uh oh.

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Options for solving problem B:

1. Buy bigger jeans and admire that bootylicious bod. 2. Engage in a series offad diets that will leave you hungry, grumpy, devoid of energy and about three sizes bigger. 3. Join the Atkins cult, nana na na nana na na Batman, I mean, Atkins! 4. Your health is your responsibility, and you would do well not to entrustir to McD's or Wendy's. Choose wisely when you eat, and for the sake of your waist line and your wallet, go to the grocery store, notthe drive-thru. Take advantage of the campus rec facilities available to you. It is and \\Till always be the cheapest gym membership you will ever pay. Trust me. And here's a no-brainer: walk to class, walk to the bar, if you'must go to Dairy Queen, walk there. Imprint says:

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editor@imprint.uwaterioo.ca

.otudent cU..oeount!

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FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 2004

The healthy frosh 101: UW's servic Michael Kolodziej SPECIAL TO IMPRINT

For now, let's forget about how you're going to afford years of tuition, get on the dean's list and avoid being the last virgin on campus. Fellow undergrads, let's take a moment to focus on you and your health. What will you doif you get sick, injured or nee&someother form of medical help? U nlessypur mom moved into residence with you, you might nbt know who to turn to. That's what the white building over the bridge and across from the Student Life Centre is for. Welcome to health services. It's a place where all UW students have access to care regardless of their medical coverage. Fed free to walk in anytime r-fonday to Thursday from 8:30 a.m. to 7:30p.m. (5 p.m. on Fridays). Health services offers its best.service via a doctor's appointment, but you can see an on-call nurse immediately if )~our situation is urgent. Ifit's off-hours and you're experiencing a medical emergency, don't panic, you have other reliable options. First try your don. Every don at UW has undergone health safety orientation. If that's not an option, you can call Telehealth Ontario at 1866-797 -0000 otthe on-call doctor at 888-4096. J f you think you only have minutes to live, skip these steps and call 911.

Health services (HS) does everything you'd expect a family doctor to do, like regular check-ups, referrals and those "illness verification slips" to excuse you for late assignments, you procrastinator you. However, here are some other goodies that you may not have figured that HS provides: . 1. Help with drugs, alcohol and suicide counselling: Accordingto Ruth Krop f, supervisor of HS, these are three main issues in w\:}ich HS is striving to supportUW students. This year's incoming.frosh are the youngest yet, butyoukids probably know that doesn't mean you're more innocent (how many of you have a fakeID?). HS obviously doesn't condone these activities, but will assist you by teaching responsible behaviour. So if you could use help, or know of someone else who could, let HS know. They're here for you. 2. Information: Anything you need to know on numerous health topicsis available at HS and arcoun e selling services in Needles HalL 3.Treatment of physical inju!.. ries: This should be obvious, .but they'll help with cuts,. scrapes and will even do some suturing (a.k.a. the act of sewing). 4. Thirty fully-qualified and experienced health professionals: HS isn'ta hledical teaching facility so you won't be treated by interns. 5. A full-time health educator:

ANDREA

Hhlth services offers many solutions and suggestions for all your aches:and-painsi;;.: Sandra Gibson facilitates many groups and programs for HS including the new HS newsletter Bridge to Health. She's usually the one responsible when you see displays and presentations around campus. 6. Birth control: HS offers different methods including the pill and Depo-Provera, as well as condoms (also available from your don). SupefYisor Ruth Kropf is adamant \vithher fe.male patients that it's best to take the initiative themselves, as guys. can only use condoms, and those are only 85 per cent effective against pregnancy. As well, spermi-

cide and foam are recommended for limiting STD and pregnancy risks. 7. Emergency contraception (a.k.a. the morning after pill): Go to HS within 72 hours of having u~protected sex and you will immediat.ely get to see a doctor and get hooked up with a package - all in one visit. 8. Clinics: HS will again test for TB and run the Hu clinic this fall. The)!' also have an asthma education program, the only one of its kind in the Kit.chener- \v' aterloo area. They have a wart clinic every Tuesday, when HS brings in liquid nitrogen

(a.k.a. just about the coldest shit known to man) to blast those suckers off. There's also the "Leave The Pack Behind" (LTPB) program where smokers looking to cutdown or quit and non-smokers looking to, uh, still not smoke', are invited to participate in the contest. HS even gave away $1,300 last year in prizes, sowhatdoyouhave to lose? 9. Single & Sexy: ShOWing they can put tl~e 'fun' l~ack into 'fungus,' HS sponsors this entertaining show for the frosh every year instead of boring them to tears with a lecture on what they're likely to witness or experience. 10. Alaboratory and a pharmaceuticaldispensary: HS can do tests and give you medication on site. 11. A psychiatrist and two counsellors~ because there might not be spiders on you. There are also counsellors available at CounsellingServices in Needles Hall. 12. Allergy injections and immunizations: for fun sounding things like hepatitis B, rabies, men. ingitis and chicken pox. And you'll probably find yourself wondering what's up with that questionable-looking pond' out front - home to many a stolen bike, an assortment of bird droppings and who knows what else? Un surprisingly, s'\vimrning is not recommended, But if you decideto do it because of some twisted dare or after too many soda pops, let's just say that Health Services couldn't be in a more convenient SpOL To see what else HS offers, don't hesitate to talk to someone at HS directly, or go check out www.healthserviccs.uwaterloo.ca.

'Illlprillt: stlldellt by day

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3,2004

Residence:' important tips to remember Continued from page 12 Comfort food is a must The dreaded frosh 15 (see page 13) is unavoidable because of ~af food, so you might as well embrace it and eat what you like. Studying, TV rughts, late night talks arid just passing time with your roomtpates... almost all activities are betterwith food that you love. Kettles, mini-fridges and microwaves are like GOLD \Vhen you really need to eat somethingartd the cafeterillis just too far to venture to,. you will understand the immeasurable value of edible food i.p. .yout room. You will alsobe surprised what great food can be made With a" k~tde and microwave. I know people . wijo IJVED on Mr. Noodle and Easy .Mac. Mini-fridges don't just hold beverages either, they can holdtnilk for

cereal and fruit, which is not such a. foreign concept I assure you. University IS NOT high school Cool ki4s do not exist. Do not pretend like you're better than everyone ' else around you, nor should you ever feellikeyou're noigood enough in any way to spend time with the people you live with. This is one of the onlytimes in your life. when you will be completely surrounded with people whoare intelligent, driven, and ofages that are exacdyequal to you in'university • experience. Enjoy everyminllte of it, , ...!"'.':..

. Have a camera around.at all times You never know ~en s'omething insaoel:sgomgto happen and ttustme when I saY' you're going to want to rememberit in the years that follow. I'm also a big believertliatyou can never have enough pietures ofpeople that you love o.rpkture~ of people

doing downright insane things, which, given the nature ofuniversity, is more often then most would openly admit. Try to sleep at least 8 hours a . night. When that fails, (which, ttust me, it

will) love the .fact that you're young. enough to run off of three hours of sleep, do all your readings, go to class for eight hours and still party like craiy; It may seem impossible now and when you're older it might be, but when J'ou're yo~g and filled with opportunity - an}>thing is possible. LaSdy..:;.;love ~eryrrunuteofresi dence life. The ups, the downs and everything in the middle. You'll miss how close people are to you in following years,

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Single and Sexy and 1 ving it Sam Brown

ferem aspect of university life. These characters are strangers at the bebrinning of the play but grow to be friends as each \vorks through their Around late March Of early April, a number of o,vn setbacks and victories, learning exacdy\vho University ofWaterloo students gatherinHagey they ~re as individuals. This rear, Nona, Steve, Hall to audition for the play Single and Se;~J'. . . Heather, Curtis, Nick, Ho-Li, Beth and Damon This small group of people could he seen areplayedbyJessica Verhey,J0elYoung,Pennydancing a celeb~it()ry jig in the .;\lodern 1\lichelle Rorke, Daniel Bacinello, Michael Languagues hallwayseverai days later after seeing Kolodziej, San1Leung, }\tfichelle J~ogan and Sean the posted cu.st list. ... Saunclersrespectively. The program is produced One ofrhcse talented dancing \,\Tarriors ii by Denise Angove, directed by Sharon Kellyand Michael Kolodziej. From. d1at moment on, he managed byJill Smith. The play has it!; Q\vn quirks that add layers and his fellow cast-mates spent numerous hours discussing characters, making revisiom to the to its powcrfuidepth. The musical spoofs of script and memorizing their Jjnes. By midpoptUarsongsaddanairofspontaneityandl1a.ir. l\ugustit became a full-rime job and three\veeks The costumes ate· unicJueas well. Each purple later - SHO\'\.· Tll\lE! shirt donned is specifically tailored to suit that. Starting September 3, this select groyp of character's personalitr, "l.vhich helps the audience actors will put on the 16th edition of SC':-oS - f 0 establish preconceptions about them before the ,bows total o\'er the course of five da,'s. The play even starts. This also allows the viewers to trl;,in goal of Sil{~!e (tnd Sexy, which is sp()11Sor~d realiie that preconceptions can be \vrong, for as by health ~erYices, is to "replace the traditional the play progresses one realizes that despite hO\v frosh lecture with a high energ)" entertaining, people look and act, they are unique individuals that make decisions that are not based on some non-judgmental, powerful presentation of scenarios and attitudes frosh are likely to witness 0; . . category they appear to fall into. experience." This might actually be why the 5ingle Clnd Se:':]' appeals to more and more showis so successful. It addresses serious issues students every year. As' a result, this original in it way that, "doesn't tell the frosh what to do, University ofWatedoo creation has spread not but merdv· preset1ts"'tlwrn:witl'lfop~ion§, .'~l'; ,.,o11l)'~~*:,,~a~clunpuses, but also throughc ;;;peaks to ',the g~qents, npt a~Jiem, ~~~;$ou~tt1iz Un'ite3. State:$~:nd as far as New Ze-aland. Kolodziej/:, .'" . . .... c>Ifi~fi~:Q~aUkctQ,b~partofSing!eClndSe:rynext Anothe'ireas(ln that this play is sofintastidJ ·yea~, k~epyoui'e~;es opened for posters around that it is constantly being rewritten 10 fit current campus·aroufidlate March, early April. As well, stereotypes and pressing issues. It is written by you can gepnore information about UW drama .stqdents for the sole purpose of education and at\vww.drama.uwaterloo.ca/ elrama, and maybe entertainment. ypu too will be d:f1}c~ng in the I'vlL hallway after E>ich otlh.e eightc1}~:£a.cFers'l;ertteserlts 1l\~lt% §eeing the ca;;;tiUglisi: SPECIAL TO IMPRINT

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Inlprillt: stltdeIlt by day

UW students offer a lot

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of precious time Tips on how to get involved at UW - ' from on campus to off camp\ls, there are many ways that student~ can volunteer Rebecca Mallinson SPECIAL TO IMPRINT

Vanessa Nicholas sits across the table from a man who is laughing, sharing stories and encouraging her in her studies. She,has a huge paper due at the end of the .week but suddenly it has ceaseg to be all consurni1).g. If the man sitting across from her can be so loving and optimistic when.he.doesn't know where he is going to sleep at night or where he will have his, next showet, then maybe Vanessa's paper isn't the life and death affair it seemed only an hourbefore. Vanessa is a 3B psychology co-op student who has been volunteering since she got involved with a studentrun social aCPon group in high sch901. She now volunteers with UW's Circle K ClUn, theSt.J erome's church community,andOasis,adrop-incentrein ':Kitchener for people who face poverty, substance abuse and homeless-

.5S.

1'.', . Fol: Vanessa, regaining perspective in life is only oneof the many benefits of volunteering. Jeannette Byrne, a kinesiology PhD student and one Of this year's recipients afthe President's Circle Awards for V olunteerism, coUldn't agree more. Byrne sits on several boarcis;q>uncils and executives across. campus, helps out with Kitchener-Waterloo's "Out of the Cold" program and is. a volunteer companion with the Alzheimer's So.' ciety. She feels that volunteering has greatly enriched her university experience. "WithoutitIdon'tthinkl would be enjoying grad school as much as I am," she says. ''Volunteeringhelps me stay in touch With reality and keep everything in perspective - without this perspective, school would be much more of a struggle.'" Jeannette, who is thankful for how fortunate she's been in her own life, sees volunteering as a way of giving back, and derives tremendous satisfaction from helping others. She says that volunteering has given her an appreciation for the reallywonderful people in the world. "I have gotten to ~ow many great people who I. normally wouldn't have ever come into contact with," she explains. "It has been a tremendous growth and learning experience." Vanessa's volunteer experiences have expl\nded her horizons too, in.troducing her to "tons of different people on the university campus and in the KW region" and allowing her to make some great friends. They have also influenced her academic direction. After seeing how "politics directly affects poverty and is one of the fronts on which poverty and human rights can be defended," Vanessa has decided to minor in political science. On top. of its other benefits,

Vanessa views vohmteeringag a way to challenge herselfto trynew things. She' says it makes her constantly work gn building' up her courage .to step outside the comfortable\vorld of what is familiar, and has no doubt that her

So how can you get involved in vol unteering7Vou can . attend the Volunteer Fair in the SLC on September 22.

efforts arewo~while, ''If ev~ryper足 son could spend one hour Ii week volunteering," she says, "think about howmanydifferentpeopleand different causes we could help." So. how can yoq get inyolved)n

volunteering? F~r' starters, you can attend the Volunteer Fair in the SLC on September 22-an opportunity to meet with representatives from numerous agencies to find a volunteer opportunity that is right for you. Alternatively, you can consult theKW Volunteer Action Centre binders in Career Services (in the Tatham Centre), which, at any given time, list over 1,000 volunteer opportunities in the KW area:. Furthermore, volunteer opportunities outside the KW area, or not listed through the KW Volunteer .Action Centre, can be found on JobMine, when you sign up under part time, summer, and volunteer jobs. . Jeannette's advice is to find a voluntej::r activity that allows you to do something you enjoy. She say-s, "you willreceivefarmorethanyougive."So. , . what are you waiting for? As Vanessa puts it, "takeadeepbr~athandjustgo for it!" ' For more information about the September 22 Volunteer Fair, visit www.careerservices.uwaterloo.ca.

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he cheapest, tastiest, off campus eatery Heramb Ramachandran IMPRINT STAFF

\'Vhen I eat on campus, I am very discerning with my selections. Let's get one thing straight - I don't give two shits about the quality of food. I likes tb eatwherethere be eye candy -female eye candy. After all, nourishment and s taring at women while I indulge in said nourishment happen.to be my two passions in life. ThtcfI.vin some differential calculus and I;m .in heaven. Anyhoot, the best eatery in UW, based on my sq:ingentrequirements, bappens to lie1YIcGil::1.nis Pront Row. 'Ffieh:(')ttiness of the waitresses ifi thispil.rticul~r establishment is mind~ boggljng: ObvioUsly management is trJlng to incorporate the Hooter's liili;.lel, complete with the voluptuousJood servers. It's a smart businessplanasrhereare many horny mal~son camplls:These girls \Vear see their boooutfits so tight

bies. \Vhat, were you expecting some kind of witty metaphor? The food isn't bad either but that's a in60t point. And the TV sin each bOclth are swell, especially if there's a chess tournamen t on cable. ,.â&#x20AC;˘ So, Twent to 1\fcGinnis Front RoYVone day with my buddy l?ierte LeFrench.Of the millions of waiF tesses s\'Varming the i9\?t;we get the one male waiter. Wllatthehell! The . statistical probabilitY-of that happening\\~as as troflOmicall y' smalL Yohha:Bilbetter chance of being eatt,'flht a shark, twice. My buddy and lhad tomakedo . with thesit\latic)11 We were presented w1.rh, rI1hedecemand say the waiter was anaffabkchap. I mean, let's be h(jllest, his .personality better be goddarn saintly 'c::l;luse he wasn't gonnawih any wen-shirt contests anytime soon. He \Vas a fine looking bloke; but like) said, he lacked certairiassets. So l?rderedthe ribs. I will hig;h-

light the ribs. It's the one dish that keeps my attention focused on the food. Shit, I needed the food distraction 'cause I wasn'tgonna mack with the waiter. At least the ribs would fill me up good. The ribs arrived 10 minutes later looking tasty. I ate that bastard real quick. I used ketchup for the fries. And I \vashed it all down with water with a lemon in it. Were you expecting a vodka martini? I had 20 bucks! The ribs were 17 freaking dollars. Do the math. After the meal, I perused the scene thinking of adorable lines to use on the waitresses just for shits and giggles.Oh here's one, "Excuse me miss, these ribs were so awesome that I'm in the mood for another rack." She kicked me in the nutsack. But I caught an up skirt shot. It was worth it.

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~aay .~ <..Qtjr~~-'4~fl@#!!

EVENING DINNER & SH

Saturday, September 18 Enjoy the evening with a gala buffet dinner that specializes in Mughlai and Tandoori cuisine! A wide array of North Indian, both vegetarian and non-vegetarian delicacies. Dinner Buffet - $14.99 Belly dancing performance between 7:30-8:30 p.m.

Call 747-2763 to book your reservation!

Q9~G3ay '-~el~~'"i

Off campus treasures Andrew Dilts

170 University Ave. W. Waterloo

IMPRINT STAFF

Loved by some and loathed by others, the nearby restaurant offers sit-down fare that's a great change from d1e usual pita-or-pizza option. Also in the University Plaza, Curry in a Huny offers quick, tasty and cheap Indian dishes that range in price from $2.50 to $9.25. Indian food too spicy foryou? Not to worry - Curry in a Hurry offers a choice of mild, medium and horfor each dish.

So you made it to university. You'll find that you have more personal freedom than ever before, that you're meeting new people and making new friends. You will also inevitably 6nd that you're really quite broke now that Tou~ye paid for tui- t ion, textbookÂ§ and probably residence. 'Still, you've got to get out of the school bubble every once in a while, so here's a quick guide for those of you who want to eat off campus but still be able to afford to coverthe tab.

Campus Pizza

The City of Waterloo and our Community welcome you to Waterloo! Living away fromholl1~can l:>~an ~,Kcjtillgexperience. A new community means new friends, pew places to go, andno parental supervision!! N'Q supervision 'sometimes lelldsto: luud parties,parking on lawns alid boulevards. a build-up of garbage and junk where it doesn't belong, The. Qityhas, by-laws, which regulate or prohibit these matters, and they are enforced on'a consistejit hasis. As you may be new to our community, wewartt you to be aware ofthe~eby~l~wsbefore you find yourself in conflict with your new community. Traffic By4aw,#83"19 dOes not allow overnight parking on City streets hetween 2:30 a.ro, and 6:00 a.m. yearrolll1d.Every household within the City of Waterloo will be allowed a maxilU1.un of eighteen (J 8) exemptions per year. Exemptions are for visitors' vehicles and/or if there are extenuating circumstances that do not pennit household vehicles to access their driveways. Exemlltionsmayl:>e denied at the discreth:mofthe City should road maintenance andlorsriow removal be required. All householps must register any vehicle that will be parked on the City street between the holti'S of2:JO a.m. and 6:00 a.lI1. Residents.mustcall 747-8559 prior to 1:3'0 a.m. to n~g}StÂŤ their vehicles. Tickets issued. as a result of failing to register a vehicle will not be cancelled. This by-law also restricts parking on all City streets to a maximum of thr(l!'): consecutive hours, unless posted otherwise, Signage adveliising these parking restrictions is located on the main streets enteling the City of Waterloo. For more information on the parking rules and regulations for the City of Waterloo, or any other by-law, please contact the By-law Enforcement Department at 7478785.

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 2004

160 University Ave. W, Waterloo It doesn't take long for most \'i/aterloo students to discover dus local treasure. Locatedin the University PJJ}Zahalfwaybetwe~n EastSide Mario's and McGinnis Front Row, Campus Pizza is a great place to grab a quick, cheap bite at almost any time of the day or night. For those of you in residence or studying on campus late at night, there's good news - Campus Pizza delivers to almost any location on campus and is open until the wee hours of the morning.

Curry in a Hurry

found less than 100 metres from our Calnpus. Started by ll\XT student entrepreneurs, Sweet Dreams can also be found in the University plaza, next to the Mongolian Grill. Sweet Dreams is known as one of the area's most popular bubble tea shops. It's cool, it's close and theyhave a readily available stack of board games that you can play - for free. I prefer the food at Sv,reet Dreams, though, as they serve up absolutely delightful Asian fare, including spring rolls ($4.99/8), dumplings ($4.49/8), and spicyuJon noodle soup ($4.49). Mostpopularis their daily special, running from 11 a.m. until 6 p.m., where either soup or dumplings plus a small bubble tea can be ordered for only $5.99. How's that for money \ioeU spent?

Jane Bond

5 Princess St. W. Waterloo

Sweet Dreams Teashop

170 University Ave. W. Waterloo It's no foincidence that some of the best student fare in \XTaterloo can be

The food at Jane Bond is so good, it actually took mea couple of years to realize that every thing 011 the rnenu was vegetarian. Food ranges in price from the best pasta salad I've ever eaten ($7.50), up to the mouth-wateringdaily special ($13-$15). Combine the excellent selection of great food with the restau~ant's trendy atmosphere, toss iri'some mouth-watering desserts, and Jane Bond easily serves as a great date spot. Enjoy, but be sure to bring your cash because this venue does not accept debit or credit.

"HELPING TO BUILD A BETTER COMMUNITY"

Visit us on our website at www.city.waterloo.on.ca

Extend Your Wireless

Look no further for great off campus nourishment, Jane Bond is a great place for some good eats.

FRIDAY. SEPTEMBER 3,2004

. Imprint: Stlldelltby night

Galaxy cinemas is your typical A-list movie theatre:'You' pay a $13.50 forcomty seating, great sound and maybe an extra $4.00 for your delicious chemical sludge.

KW Movie Theatres 101 candy and soda and there're also the familiar franchise vendors. This is a good place to for the big-l;mdget, mainstream movies. Movie times are listed online at So you've just arrived on campus, you've just wwww:galaxycin~mas.com as wen as on the received your first (dozen) assignments and you're looking for a stress-reliever. The Dana " bulletin board near the Turnkey desk in the Student Life Centre. Porter has run out of copies of Ulysses and F,ountainhead (how inconsiderate!) For all us " Princess Cinema, Princess Street , looking for a light read, you've alteady (mished Location: compiling the annual reports for all of those 6 Princess Street West, Waterloo (princess & companies you own and darn it, your roomKing intersection, across from Jane Bond) mates have alteady done all of the dishes for the Public Transit Route From the University: week. What to do? Well, you can always resort Any 7 (exceptfor 7C) or 8 bus going to Uptown to that chore, you know, of going to watch a Waterloo movie vusttill War and Price: Peace is retiJrned to the Member admislibrary, of course). , ~ion: $6.00, Where can' you go? general admisHave no fear, Imprintis sion: $9.00. here with some advice. Cost-Saviog Note: Waterloo theatres You can buy a one-year memGalaxy Cinemas, bership for $8 Conestoga Mall which qualifies Location: . you for member 550 King St. N., Waadmission. This terloo (Conestoga Mall) is a good invest- . ment if you ate a Public Transit Route ftlm buff since it ' From the University: does save you money after, your first three, Route 12tQ Conestoga Mall,Route 7C to Conestoga Mall. Also you can take any 7 bus to . movies. King and University and switch onto any of the Description: above buses This is a one-screen operation just off King Price: street and though it's quite small (cozy), this is Tuesdays and matinees: $8.50, general admisthe place to go ifyou're a ftlmconnoisseur. The sion: $13.00 Princess is known for scree'rung iridependent Cost-Saving Note: You can buy discounted ticket vouchers at the "and foreign'ftlms. The Princess also makes a point of showcasing documentaries. Main~,. Turnkey desk for $9 stream ftlms are sometimes shown, though usually after they've had first runs at the bigger Description: theatre chains. This place is owned by the Cineplex Odeon The concession area offers the usual popcorn Reople, it's a fairly large theatre with 10 screens. and drinks.. The screen itselfis a decent-size and The concession area offers the usual popcorn, Serena Wong IMPRINT stAFF

Princess: small and oh-so charming

if you've ever been to the now defunct Eaton , Frederick Twin Cinemas Centre theatre in T~ronto, don't worry it's 385 Frederick Street, Kitchener www.fredericktwin:com$6generaladmission, much bigger than that. The Princess puts out a calendar of show $4.25 Matinee's. times in a small freebi-monthly newspaper Quick Note: available in the SLC near the Turnkey desk Smaller theatre. Two screens. (among other places). Movie times can also be checked Via their website Kings Coilege, Kitchener www.princesscinema.com 262 King Street West, Kitchener wwww.famousplayers.com $6 general admission Kitchener theatres . QuickNote: Fairway Centre Cinemas, Fairview Park In the heart ofdowntown Kitchener, owned by Mall the Famous Players people. Four screens. Location: 500 Fairway Road South, Kitchener (Fairview Silver City, Kitchener Park Mall) 7 Screens www.cineplexodeon.com. 135 Gateway Park Drive, Kitchener Quick Note: www.famousplayers.cotn $13.50 general adThe cheapest place to see movies in the KW area: mission. $5.99an~e. .

slywong@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

T!;

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HOURS: Mon., Tues~, Wed 9 to 6 ; Thurs. & Fri. 9 to 9 McPHAIL'S C;:YCLE & SPORTS LTD.

www.mcphailscycle.colJl

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 2004

The bu ding r lationships of UW frosh

FRIDAY. SEPTEMBER 3, 2004

Inlprint:Stllclellt

bjT

night

How to get}your,groove on, even in residence Michelle Titus IMPRINT STAFF

Moving away to university brings a whole new set ofchallenges. There are the obvious educational pressures as well as apprehensions to fit in apd of course hopes to meet someone special ormaybejustfrequendygettinglucky. Many times the latter causes the most frustration. If you find Mr./Ms. right and then realize that actually get,ting some may be more dif-

th~ kifl~ ~anyb6ys <i9 not mind. They simplyrespecttheir roommates need to get it on and know they would get the same treatment. Girls, on

solution for women would be to be as laid back aboutgettinglaid as our male counterparts or, more simply, going back to his room. This brings apprehensions to doing it in his territory but it will likely be worth it. Without a doubt the first time you have roommate company while you feel the flow it may be weird but it is somothing thatis ev-entuallyforgotten andean even add a thrill to the experience. You never know, years later it can prove to be a repeating joke between the roommate and you. Just be cautiuus . with the passionate wetne.ss that may occur (some boys show it offafter you leave). ."' ,ยงo, the:: res room is I!0t an,op, tionforonereason oranother,maybe you just can't waitto get there.

ficult than hooking someone to do it~th. ,The venue of the deed can be a huge problem. Sure, livingwith the parents brpught similar complications but being young in high school meant doing it in cars or being sneaky around the house. These solutions tend not to be ari option for many university since a) they don't have access to a car and b) they share a room with a potential the other hand, stranger. Whileitmayseemhopeless, the one thing being super horny does is promote creativity. Sure you haveno temperamental. They think car but there's always a bus and your roommate could wear headphones. that it is disgust. Two obvious places to pattake in some ing to partake in sexual activities in poking are the dorm room and the bar. room let alone imagine occupying the . Residence romping is definitely room - during their r~ommates sexploits. Common solutiohs are the easiJ:r for one sex.than the other. Guys' "do not disturb" sign, "please knock" macho ways create a much more comscribbled on the wipe-off board or fortable environment to get it on in reverting back to the '80s with' a tight quarters. Whether they be in the scrunchie on the doorknob. The best next bed or casually walking in amidst

In comes the temptation - bar relatioris. This option can be a tough sell . but with the right alcohol an~ flirtation level it is possible. Bf\throoms, although often revolting, are the best choice; Or if you're extra brave frnd a dark corner in the place. This revit:<tlizes the sneakiness acquired in high school rendez-vous where your parental figures ate replaced by burley bouncers.

In su\:h locations it is very important to be careful avoiding nasty germs and beer goggle impulses (sometimes the walk home gives just enough time to see clearl;y)44so ~e~mb!:1 tlJat some bars are"be\t~i th'an~ 6th~rs \vhJn it comes to partaking in such activities (seemfo box). . ell . . ' ". .' :. }}~inghum~fl~' w~al1.h~ยฅ<;..sexual inยง~(,;ts, althuugh, some.rnaru.\ge. to suppress them completely. In1;;time. adjustments will be made to make university sex easier. Thankfully first year is very forgiving. Itis a perfect time for experimentation'with location as well as other sexual specifics. Be patient when you feel as though you might explode and never forget the masturbating option (dorm showers work best). I wish all first years luck getting laid and remember to have fun fwith no regrets.

mtitus@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Residence will be an experience you'll never forget. Go wild)

Conveniently Serving t e UWCampus

Region of Waterloo Taking GRT is easier than you think! ANY Route #7 bus that stops on campus will take you directly to King and University, Uptown Waterloo and Downtown Kitchener.

~~$i,Nl~' ;I\U~'I).il¥Ii

l'f'&£!Wb1#if'f

University of

Buses entering campus from Columbia SI (blue line) arrive at the Columbia entrance at the times shown for., and travel along the east side of campus (by the Davis Centre).

..a

Waterloo

Buses entering campus from University Ave (green line) arrive at the Seagram entrance at the times shown for • and travel along the west side of campus (by the Student Life Centre). CheCk the schedule, shown here • A bus will enter campus at 12:17 pm from Columbia go to any stop # 1571 or 1573 OR; • A bus will enter campus at 12:28 pm from University Ave (II go to any stop # 1697 or 1305 or 1306 OR; • call Telerider.

Cut out this schedule and keep it for future use. . MONDAY·FRIDAY

MONDAY·FRIDAY

l1W at Seagram DrtoKitcherier TlOf'oSpOItatlon Centre via

l1W at Columbia St to Kitchener

UniveI5IIy

6:16a.m 6:49am 7:19am 7:50am 8:20am 8:50am 9:20am 9:50am 10:20am. 10:50am 11 :20am 11 :50am 12:20pm 12:50pm 1:20pm . 1:50pm 2:25pm 2:56pm 3:11pm 3:26pm 3:41pm 3:56pm 4:11pm 4:26pm 4:41pm 4:56pm 5:11pm 5:26pm 5:56pm 6:23pm For all other times call Telerider, or pick up a schedule at the Turnkey Desk, FEDS Office, Modem Languages coffee shop, Village 1, South Campus Hall Visitors Centre, or Davis Centre.

Transportation

centre via CoIumbkl 5:48am 6:32am 7:02am 7:32am 8:03am 8:33am 9:02am 9:32am 10:02am 10:32am 11 :02am 11 :32am 12:02pm 12:32pm 1:02pm 1:32pm 2:02pm 2:32pm 2:50pm 3:02pm 3:47pm 4:02pm 4:17pm 4:32pm 4:47pm 5:02pm 5:17pm 5:47pm 6:05pm 6:30pm 7:00pm 7:30pm 8:00pm 8:30pm 9:00pm 9:30pm 10:00pm 10:30pm 11:00pm 11 :30pm 12:00pm" 12:28pm

RouteS

Route 13 - - - -

Travels up King St from downtown terminal, turns onto IJniversity Ave and then enters the ring road at Seagram. It then turns left going past the Student Life Centre and exits onto Columbia St, heading towards King St and then continues into Uptown Waterloo and Downtown Kitchener.

Makes a figure 8 around the cities of Kitchener and Waterloo. Major destinations are Belmont Village, Fairview Park Mall, Kitchener Auditorium and the University of Waterloo.

Departs from Ring Road and follows Columbia St past the Columbia Lake townhouses to Laurelwood. Ten minutes to the Sobey's Plaza.

Your major shopping link

Route 7E

.111i1i11lll1li1illlll. ._

Travels up King St from downtown terminal, turns onto Columbia and travels down Columbia until.it enters the Ring Road. 7E turns left, going past the Davis Centre and exits at the Seagram entrance and goes back down University Ave to King St and into Uptown Waterloo and Downtown Kitchener.

Travels between. Conestoga, Highland Hills and Fairview Park Malls. It takes 28 minutes to get to Conestoga Mall and 44 minutes .to get to Fairview Park Mall from U of W. No link to downtown terminal.

GRT bus stops EXPRESS 101 stops

. . Telerider stop number

Express Route 101 Route 12 - - - -

Travels between University of Waterloo and Fairview Park Mall, every 15 minutes Monday to Friday, 6 am-9 am and 3 pm-6 pm

fj)

'TIckets & Passes sold at the Turnkey Desk and FEDS Office

(()

Public Telephone

'U' . Help line Telephone

TelerideHotes If you call 888-____ and the 4 digit # on the bus stop sign, it win tell you in how many minutes the next two buses leave that particular stop.

Infoline: 585..7555

TTY: 585·7796

www.grt.ca

Im})rint: Stlldellt by l1ight

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 2004

.27

S.O.Stherapy works to relieve stress UW students use therapy centre to cope with ithe challenges ~

ot first year "

• Following the history taking, the physiotherapist will undertake a thorough mllsculoskeletal· examination, including both the painful area of the Welcome first year students t<;> the UniversityofWaterloo. You are about body as well as adjacent areas. . toembarkonanexciting~dchalleng~ The physiotherapist will look for ing journey for .the next few years of any discrepancies in alignment; and your life. Enjoy the excitement; em-. evaluate normal range dfmovement; b~ethechallenges! . . joint/ligament laxity or. stiffness; One ofthe challenges s,6s. Physimuscle tightness, weakness or spasm; otherapy can help you deal withjs the neurological tension or sensitivity; and pain that comes from physical injury tenderness to palpati6rl. (motor vehicle accidents, sports, falls), Based upon the physical findings, the. physiotherapist will formulate a stress, poor posture, repetitive strain injuries (carpal tunnel syndrome etc.) plan of treatment that includes handsor a variety of other sources. . on Care (niobilization, manipuliltion, Physiotherapyis a professionalservsoft tissue release, stretching) and one ice directedaddentifyingthe sources of of a number of modalities iqcludfng physical pain and Gisability. . acupuncture, ultrasound, cryotherapy, The physiotherapists atS.O.s. are .. heat therapy or electrotherapy. . An integral part 6fthe treatment registered with the CollegeofPhysiotherapists of Ontario. . plan is a specific exercise program of Ifyou ~Jpurnightneed physibothin-clinie and home exercises. otherapycarl!>ciill t;he clinic at 884-0767 exercise program will be proto arrange an. appointri:u!nt. At the first . gressive, with variations beingmade at appointment, the physfbtherapistwill .each session depending upon the rate pf improvement or theinjwr or dystake a

Jenn McClelland

SPECIAL TO IMPRINT

This

function. The physiotherapist will also sena a report or the initial findings, including the treatmentplan, to yourphysiciano Allinformationis kept in strictest confidence by the physiotherapistand your doctor. . Under the studentplan, 80 percent ofeach physiotherapy appointment is covered up to an annual maximum, whichisOli:rendy$500. In' addition to' physiotherapy, S.O.S. provides massage therapy. (therapists are registered with the College of Massage Therapists of Ontario) and pedorthic services (pedorthists are registered with the College ofPedorthists): S.O.S. Physiotherapy is conven;iendy IDcated in the lo~er level of the Student Life Centre, between the Watcard Office and theCIBC. We wish Y?U a fulfilling and healthy year; but remember, ifyou are in need ofOur . professional help, we ~e there foryOli. Good Luck! Have a great year.

is located ~I'I the basement ofth.e Ste.

Christianity: Boring, Irrelevant?

Decide f6t . . ~~_l::r'c:'I"J·n - come and see .in your at an neighborh the week of Sep 19, 2004.

For details

Call KW Alpha Hot Line: 242-5075 Check Out The . Planet! 255 King Street, N.

WATERLOO

725..2826 Hours: Mon-Fri 9-9 .Sat 10-6 ; Sun 12-5

In September, you will,see these seats filled with students. ~assage therapy starts at $30 fora half hour visit.. : ; . '' . .

Many activities can' lead" to ach~s and pain. If you hurt..w orwant to avoid pain - see the leader in Rhysical rehabilitation ... SERVICES WE PROVIDE: * ThoroughAsses~ment *Acupuncture . * M~hua~ Therapy * FLinctional Abilities Evaluation * Custom Foot Orthotics * Electrotherapy * Work and Exercise Hardening * Regi.stered Massage Therapy 564 Bemont Ave., W., Suite 301, Kitchener (2nd location) 743-4355

SPINAL ORTHOPEDIC & SPORT

. " Lower Level,.. Student Life Centre, University of Waterloo

Inlprin.t: Stud.ent bY路IIigllt

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3;2004

Drinking, mingling and booty-shaking The.top five pla~es to get your g~Qo:ve on in Waterloo tions with people and the bomber With such an adorable name, what's staff is always on hand with pens if there not to like about this place! needed. Overall,it's~plea~'antexperi~ . Philthy'sis split in two levels with the If you are 18 or younger this article is' ence with potential to be' awesome. . basement hosting a dance floor - the useless for you. Get a fake ID and WedhesdayatBomberisfullofexcitemusic is top40/hip hop. The upper come back. Okay good you're back.' ment. level has a small patio and is generally Alcoholconsumption can be fun ifthe a conversittionzone. You can order Revolution Night Club atmosphere is just right. The ambifood, relax in a booth, or read a paper ance ofa residence room simply doesn't Sometimes a gal needs to shake her while high-spirited youth go apeshit cubt. Unless路yougota girlin there,g~ booty and have 50 horny guys stare at in.the basement. Beware the long lineout and drink. Here are Herambone's her during the said shaking. No better ups for the washroom in' the upper top bars/clubs in Waterloo and place than Revolution. The spacious level. The lower level can sometimes Kitchener. lafout allows the less frisky to chill on get too humid but if Turkish bath leather benches and enjoy their drink. houses float your boat, you'll enjoy. Bomber Prices are adequate (ie. $20 is all you Mondays. and Fridays are Philthy's The Bomber, situated in the Student need to get loaded). The music is hip days of choice. Life Centre, offers patrons an opporhop/top 40 while the Purple Room (a Weaver's Arms tunity to drink, mingle ona patio and room that is purple) plays Euro beats: ciaQce,.allforan affordable price. Pitch- . GenerallY the north westerl1 corner of This small bar nestled in WCRI is ideal ersare abQut $12 with mix drinks the dance 'floor gets rather brown in f~r live music:md a game of pool. It's setting you back $3.25-$3.75. Bombterms of patronage, but otherwise it's a laid back atmosphere where you and a mixture of different races. Friday er's beauty lay in its ~pacious patio. the crew can enjoy a sporting event Macking is made easy in thi~ patio as nights at Rev guarantee a good time. over pitchers. Open mic on Wednesthe noise level from the music is mufdays offers a unique experience ifyou're Philthy McNasty's fled. You can have'decent conversain the mood to sit back and listen to music. The bar is locatednextto upper year residences so you canmakelots of Come And See Why 650,000 noise whet! you leave and wake them up. Herarnb Ramachandran IMPRINT STAFF

Loose Change Louie's

Course. For details

Call KW Alpha Hot Line: 242-5075 Help us keep YOU informed by. submitting bye-mail, fax, telephone or dropping in to the office, . your name, student 10, Grad year, parent's addressl telephone and your e-mail. This info is strictly confidential and only used for keeping you updated on Imprint's upcoming event

Drinks are fair. The dance flOOl; is quaint so there's a lotta touching. The outd()o~ smoke area usually generates two tp three fights a night. Thdight~ alone ar.e a major drawing card. I saw a: gid tear some other girl's weave off. Thursdays at Louie's is an allrlg?t路 titD.e. There are many more establishments in Waterloo and Kitchener but I really need a drink now so I'm out. hramachandran@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

In University Plaza lies the fabled Loose Change Lou'ie's.

IMPRINT, SLC 1116

LET THE PLANS BEGINII

tift Pack ack to. .School fro", LEXM.\RK Pmhal. atlY l.exlltark INcJrtorlaw~

attd receive a gftt . with PI"''''

Deeper into the land of Waterloo, the famed Revolution nig~t club can be found.

FRIDAY; SEPTEMBER 3, 2004

IIllprint: Stllciel1t by lligllt

,29

Shopper's paradise A guide to the shopping hotspots in Waterloo Laura Katsirdiaks IMPRINT STAFF

School can be stressful and there are many ways to unwind. However, none are more satisfying than the mother of all self-indulgent pastimes: shopping. Let Imprintintroduce you to all that Waterloo has to offer the industrious shopper.

Got two feet and a

hea~beat?

Ther~ are plenty of shops within walking distance from UW'scampus and what betterwayto justify a naughty little spending spree than telling Y9~\lrself that YOll need some exercise. Powerwalk yourself down to Gloss, on 22 King Street West. Less than a block away from the Waterloo Town Square, this store is one of the most unique shops you'll find without driving to Toronto. Carrying several brands that cannot be found outside Toronto and some that won't be found anywhere else in Canada, buying a piece from Gloss feels like taking home a piece of buried treasure. While this treasure can be cosdy, take comfort in the fact that there is always a sale rack to pl;ruS~, for those ofus who like to indulge but can't afford tdBreak'the bank to do so. As wdl;iou can}:;onstruct your own clothing at Gloss, bypicking from a variety of pictures that can printed on T-shirts, underwear or canvas bag~.orby arranging letters or numbers anyway you want them. Yup, this reviewer gives Gloss five gold stars. . Ifyou prefer a beach-inspired look, orifyou are looking fora bathing suitor flip-flops,Dave's

World is the place for you. Located at(746-4379) , this shop offers a selection of brands designed for the beach bum with an eye for style. Similarly casual but with more ofa street-wear look, Green Monkey is another shop to have a look at. Ifyou make your way to 255 King Street North you will find some unique designs, many of which cannot be found in a mall. For the Goth enthusiasts, Waterloo has a surprisingly decent selection. DeliriUm, on 23 King Street North, will remind you why The Nightmare Before Christmas and The Sat;ldrnan were so coofWhile offering up Goth in a streetwear style. Among the unique accessories you will also find a sdection ofbright hair dye colours thatwouldmakeClairolretch, but make the rest . ofus smile. If you are looking for a little more than Goth, take a stroll down to 22 Bridgeport East and discover the other 5 toes. This shop, while preferring not to be cast-typed as "Goth.." does offer an astonishing array of Medieval, Renaissance and Victorian clothing. Ifyou're not up for full Medieval costume, there are some accessories in this shop that will not easily be found anywhere else..

Got a bus pass?, Take yourself down to Conestoga Mall to find your basics in almost everything. Home to Zehrs, The Gap, Zellers and a Galaxy Cinema, the mall路 will provide access to nearly all you can need. While you will not find anything unique in The Gap, you will get all the necessities in their massproduced glory. In the far-away kingdom of

Kitchener-Waterloo offers two malls, numerous boutiques and vintage clothing stores - definitely something for everyone. Kitchener, lies Fairview Mall. The bus will take you there, but bring a book for the ride, it is will be a little longer. The ride is ~orth it if you want a wider selection of shops, as Fairviewis a larger mall.

Got a friend with a car? Get on highway 85, follow highway 8 to the 41 0,

The educated choice for great gear at great pdarfrotn great brands.

TheNotth Face Rockport Kelty Nalgene

Siena Designs

and exit the 401 at Hespler Road. Trust me, just

go. Direcdyat this exids it cluster ofwarehouse sized shops, including Old Navy. There is no better place to go for inexpensive yet highly funky clothes and accessories. Whether male, female, child, adult, infant, pregnant or canine, there is something at Old Navy for you. editor@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Illl}Jrint: Stud.ent l)y 11igllt

FRIijAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 2004

R. BEER' & WINE UBREW Make your own premium quality wine or beer at half the retail cost!

We supply kegs

550"Parkside Drive, Unit 817 WATERLOO - 746-2739 HOURS: Tues. & Wed ..10-6; Thurs. & Fri. 10-7; Sat. 10-3

<~ ~,¢~

Princess Street, home to the Princess Cinema and Jane Bond; Two hot spots for artsjes.

The Waterloo arts- scene: life beyonq Carilpu~Qorders

~[ca~JPt.~

Party Overto Goodwill f~r furniture, clothing and household stuff 1348 Weber Street Kitchener, Ont. 894-0628

Andfew Dilts IMPRINT STAFF

You've registered for classes on UW's incredibly frustratingon-line system, Quest, endured the ridiculoJ;lsly long Bookstore line-up and survived our more overly enthusiastic students during Frosh Week. As if getting to . know student life wasn't enough, now you've got to get to know the test of the city. Coming from someone who's been in Waterloo since grade school, here are a few tips from a veteran. (Note: The area's bars, dance clubs and sh()pping opportunities have been reviewed elsewhere in this week's Im-

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Started many years ago by a Wilfrid Laurier University graduate, the Princess Cinema is the area;s top-rated independent cinema. A popular.destination for Waterloo's student body, the Pdf-cess has been known to offer a wide variety of quality content for really cheap prices.. You can catch

The Jane Bond Cafe I Starlight Social Club 5 Princess St. W. / 47AKingSt. N.

Reader's tip: Impril1t frequently offers sets of free movie tickets to premier shows at the Princess.

Once upon a time, the Starlight was a dusty little gathering place for older people who were still, or again, on the singles scene. Not. the most active placeiriWaterloo, you could say. Then, the owners of the trendy Jane Bond Cafe got their hands on the Statlight and turned it into one ofthe area's best entertainment venues. Patrons have come from Toronto and beyond for . such acts as Hawksley Workman, ~e Weakerthans and the Rheostatics. If you're feeling hungry before or after the show, the Jane Bond is right around the comer, open late and serves some ofthe best food intown (see our Places to Eat Off Campus feature on page 22 for more details).

•anything from local high-school films festivals to premiers of such Oscarnominated films as· Bowling for Columbine} Winged Migration and Whalerider. The Princess also occasionally offers the bigger box-office hits, recent examples from this list inciude the Lord of the Rings trilogy and both halves of Tarantino's Kill Bill It costs $9to catch a movie at the Princess; but with an $9 annual membership the price goes down to $6 a show. Reader's tip: Imprint frequently offers sets of free movie tickets to premier shows at the Princess. Be .

print.)

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ThePrincess ci'Aemi 6 Princess St. W., Waterloo

o~the lookout and get in quick J the tickets are usually gone within a • day! Generation X 10 Regina St. N., Waterloo" Feeling like wmething different, but finances dicflite that you'll behaving a ' night in? Take a trip to Generation X, . where you can get an amazing selection ofalternative and hard-to-get movies at a decent price. From cult flicks to new releases, Japanese animation to flicks from 60 <;:ountries around the world, Generation Xhas it all. $4.50 anight for new releases, or the same price for two nights for all other selections.

Waterloo's local festivals Various locations and dates Upon atriving in Waterloo, it's not immediately noticeable that our faircity is home to some lively celebrations. Before the fall semester is over here at UW, you'll be able to attend a Royal MedievalFairein WaterlooPatk(Sept. 18), free horse-drawn trolley rides as partof\Vaterloo's Winter Wonderland (December) and, ofcourse, our worldfamous Oktoberfest (October, duh)! When Dktoberfest rolls atound, be sure to watch for the Thursday night at the Aud' party, where students from Western, J>.iac and Toronto - not to mention Laurier and \Vaterloo - ate bussed in for a student-oriented night ofbeer; sausage, polka music and more

beer. adilts@imprinLuwaterloo.ca

FRIDAY. SEPTEMBER 3, 2004

The challenge of living off campus strangers. There's the potential for new friendNormandy invasion.lfypu~eco~patc:d<that . deJiclous saffron curry. The n.ext day y~u guys ships or an evil so unspeakable it can't b~' . day, bring a rifle. • fotgiveeach other 'cause that's part of the spoken. The next potential issue; food. One fridge roommate cycle of existence. . generally holds all perishables~hile 'a shelf According to a Yiddish proverb, "Everyone Residence rejected you, hahahaha. You could . still with the <people angle, dealing with a holds all cans of beans. Items mqst be labelled roommate's significant other can be tough. If , live with a family of circus midgets, or not. The is kneaded out of the same dough but not baked in the same oven." Ah, that. explains yeast explicitly 'cause once I shot some of my dia- he or she is mental, it's even tougher. After possibilities are endless. betic roomie's insulin mistaking it for my hero- listening in on their rather boiste;ous love-' living off campus can pose numerouschal- infections. First challenge: the bathroom facilities. ine. A simple label would have prevented his making, how do you make superfluous converlenges. Interestingly enough, they all deal with Washroom schedules are drawn up, down to drug-induced coma. sation With him or her the next day. people. Chances are you're clambering to find Organizing trips to.the supermarket to rethe last second like theyw,ere blueprints for the "So Ralph (snicker,) ride me like Pegasus housing so the people you live with· will be plenish eaten food can be a reaI pain in the eh? Hahahahhahah! Freak!" • buttocks. There's alwaysone roommate with The last potentially toxic situation occurs .in electrolysis appointment that clashes diwith the dreaded slob. The slob has no regard for hygiene. They will floss with strands of hair rectly with the grocery trip. You grab her list and try to satisfy it to the best of your ability. .found in the bathtub. They use the family room . IneVitably, you buy the ':Fai Free Strawberti as their pers?nal' hamper. They give off an Soya" wheri she specifically req\lestedthe "Ularomatic waft most similar to a sweaty armpit. tra Fat Free." She tears one into you while you A sweat}· armpit dipped in dog shit. make fun of her uni-brow. She killS your gold.' How does one deal with these people? Subfish NemQ, while you eat her hamster in a tlety will not work, thus blatant insults are the . . bnlywayto way to penetrate their stinky head. Like the" following, ''Yau smell like a gangrenous wound, shower already!" .Or, ''Your unwashed laundry on the family room carpet adds a certain ambiance to the place. It's nuclear Holocaustesque." ..There's never.a dull moment trying to figure out the nuances of your roommates. That's half the battle. The other half consists of Heramb Ramachandran IMPRINT STAFF

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Floorcest the 11th commandment Laura Katsirdakis EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

So what's the first thing you notice about the people at Waterloo? Are your fellow frosh not a beautiful bunch? Look at all those gorgeous new people; aren't you just itching to give your boyfriert<Vgirlfci,end from back home therlme honoUred turkey drop? Before you talk to that cute girl who sits beside you in biology, or that yummy boy who you' always. cross paths with in the cafeteria, 'accept a word of warning. Do not, I repeat, do nor engage in floorcest. . What, you ask, is 'floorcest.' Notj.ce how the word resembles 'incest?' You're on the right track Whatis as, repulsive, wrong and dangerous as incest? Gettingromanticallyinvolved with people' on your floor in residence. The dreaded walk of shame may be a lot shorter if you're just slinking down the hall on the morning after, but the effects of the deed will linger

incalculably longer than a normal, innocent romantic (or .carnal) encounter. Unless you end up fmding your

As the name suggests, floorcest is akintQ banging a relative~Astime

goes i)y, floormates start to feel like siblings'. soul-mate on your floor of residence, you will likely end up having an路 ex living on your floor soon enough. Whether you've broken up from a long-term relationship, or just narrowly escaped a one night stand, you know that running into an ex is always an awkward experience. As the name suggests, floorcest is

akin to banging a relative. As time goes by, floormates start to feel like siblings. After fighting over bathroom access and what to watch on TV, how could people not feel like family? Getting it on with family members is inherently 'wrong, it makes the skin crawl (and not in a good way). In addition to being plain gross, the. exploits of a floorcest indulger will become legendary, neVer to be lived down. It cannot be avoided: everyone on your floor, on surrounding floors;ifnot insurrounding1:esidepces, will know. If you ever happen to have a conversation with the 'cleartinglady(especially the one who maintains the third floor of Essex Hall), do not be surprised to find that she knows. Floorcest committer beware! ' A vast network of gossips will not let you forget your transgressions. If you are innocently checking out the flesh on YQur"tloor, beware. Consider yourself warned. editor@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 3; 2004

EXPLORE

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ANDREA KERSWILL

Morty's is a fa,(ourite pub for many University students. located on King Street North, it is a great place to go for some all-Ontario bar grub.

Pubs, grub and the great places ;to:"eat out in Waterlo·o Andrea Kerswill IMPRINT STAFF ..

King Street Trio

Hannah's Bella Bistro

51 King Street North __ .':~;''''''''.'i_#1_,~.Q~Vnj~e,f$-i1¥,Av~l1tie Easr When you can afford toeat out; there . . .-." . are many places around Waterloo This place rules. Plainandsiniple.Ifs This is the restaurant with the most •.that may suit your fancy. Putting· a bit more expensive than Morty's or crevices. Hannah's does ""ine and 4¥~pe the 1'fPical eateries that inhabit The Flying Dog, however you defifme dining yery well. A definite ()'J1t.~.!:i0ersity plaza, SUC? as niteIyget what you pay for. They also must at some point in your UniverMcG~~J,ly Bloom's andf:<ast offer Live Jazz music Wednesday sity career. Side io's - there are a few resSaturday nights. taucit:lS~ . . . d this city that make some W&{god;have a pleasant J~n~f lyrin's Bistr~ aitP.osphere WoNrbrc:;ak the sav~ mgsaeco\lnt that Motxl and Dad left. 92 Kllg ~treet . you, :(W'ell n::lliybe). So eat up kids, you'll need ·t4e,rioUris~tcome A tasteful experience is just Janet exams. . -Lynn's. The atmosphere is friendly and ~eIaxing and th~y ClUl ml!.nage parties of300r more very well. They Morty'sPub offer light lunches and are quick to . refill your water glasses. . 272 King Street North

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Morty's offers an interesting i:riix of your basic restaurant food, adds on beer and gives you your typical allOntano bar atmosphere. It's friendly, it's reasonablypricecland it's pretty close to campus. Oh, and its also· . open until 2 a.ffi. during the week,. which is a rarity for 1I1!lny Watetl.oo restaurants. Th~

Flying Dog ..

341 Marsland Drive Pretty much unheard" of as atestauraIlt to us Uni~ersity folk, The Flying Dogis known as the cougar bfl;rnext . to Revolution. Admitt~<;llythisplace does attract savvy middle-aged single women, however it also offers an ec1~ctic; menu ranging from great salads to thin crust pizzas. It borderlines fine dining, but give this place a try you might be pleasantly surprised.

Ch~rbries 15 King StreetNorth This is the perfect dinner date. The ~usic is sweet; they offer a cleanser -Jor your palate and they have pretty fish tanks all· around. I think they .purposely' seat mlUly of the tables for 1:\\;0 people becatis~ it is stich a r~ mantic restaurant. Remember this place boys; you could treat your lady on Valentine's Day, Sole

83 Erb Street West Extensive wine list. (Even their add says this.) Sole ,offers most delicate wines coupled with some gr~t Mediterranean food. Moms love tSi.s place. It's pretty and bright and goes at is own pace.

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you tnusic'Ians .out '. there,' ':iingiS~~in~e. y()!li,te in· i:'Qr ,a fantastic treat. Npt ',Yo~tnustbec9vei Ql!1y ~()es lJW bring t~ you ~~stic .19.!0~ attend' flight \' Ii~ tquringbarids on aweekly basis concerts,butuQn't', mB.,I..;l'lt....~ti't' O"CllaI114~~ (sQtIietimes tWa or tht,e~ per~week2,,~otry..the.Bopber· buifue city is filled: With. gteatVenues '~spdhIilis:'ftee ~liv;e mpsic.On t9PQf~that;\noo't1J~r'c9hcetts' uwatso takes note oflocal binds ,.throqghouiilte c~ptis and gives them a chance to 'tetnt(inWinier2004< shine. they gave us The Bach and every Friday, the . Trews for free on a Bombshelter brings' you a different Wednesd~Y). live concert as part of their Friday Your other hignight concert senes. ~st source foiJive . Acts last year inclu~ed Pilat~" . music. on ~ampus is Fe<;l ~all ~ the

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Humanities Hagey They usually bring youmoresophisticated concerts that attract,people from ,the surroundirlg community. LasJ yeat the Henry Rollins 'Spoken Word Tourrolled by there. This tellIl, Sarah flarmer .will be perfonnihg there on September 18. . Off campus, we have tons of bars and dubs dedicated to cultivate live music. The 'Starlight Socill Club (47A King Street 'Notth) hrir:igS 'to you

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year theyve hosted Blass' Muhk, Pilate, Organ and Hawksley Workman. .The Rude Native Bistro (4 King St; N,) is a good place tohitifyou'te a fan of jazz and lounge music(Village 1 staff membet Elaifie Brown is

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You can find ~n array of different comic books in the K-W area.

K-W delivers comic book frenzy -:set out to find the key spots ir\ KW to feedyout comic fix; ,,,r Ylfyou were a comic book character, what Gemini Jetpack character wouldyou be? Located in a strip mall just north of Wow, that's a great question. Tough King Street and University Ayenue. one, though, what does one guage his re-(across the street from Morty's), ~~siralprowess? Keen dete.tion","<Ge¥Bini'is"closest-to~~ and p~~ skills? The ability /0 banter weD with super- ably the easiest to ge(fu.: sitting rigut villains? on foUr major bus routes. It's got a good comic selection with respectThat's from one of my favourite .scenes from MaDrats. ~ like it because able representation both from the major labels (Marvel, D.C.) and it po~_such anexce1lent question, dnethateveryOJ:le has to answetat smaller labels like Image (Spawn, somepoiqtin their lives; Andifyou're , Darkness) and Beckett (Ruule). Each new to KcW(or even if you're not), book gets its ownwall-mountedrack, you may not know where to go to do which displays the entire cover (a the reql;risite research to truly give it small, 'but surprisingly nice' detail) and comes already ina sleeve and the contemplation it deserves. So with that in mind, J and my trusty board (which they don't charge extra sige-kick - well, okay, my bus pass for).

They do seem to keep ~eir supply pretty close to the demand lifle, which means that their comics tend to disappear a little bit faster. If you're jlJst looking for the latest copy of The Ama~ng Spider-Man, you won't even notice, but when milestones come out, it's nota badidel!. to showLup early or just set up an advance order through the store. One of the things that really sets GeminiJ etpack apart, though, is their truly epic selection of anime. The eritirenorthem wall of the store and a couple ofdouble-sided display racks are filled with both movies and collections from TV series, covering everything from bigger-name flicks like Armitage, Cowb~ BeBop and, the Miyazaki tides (SpiritedAwqy, Princess Mononoke, etc.) to stuff that I'm not

even going to try to pretend I know really fast when they were' first reanything about. T4ey've even got a leased. On top of that; Carry-On has a sizeable collection of back-issues, decent selection of manga and anime , and some really neat rareties on dis'merchandise. To top it all off, GeminiJetpack play, including a copy ofAvengers#1. boasts a solid supply of RPG games An added plus is their respectable array of graphic novels, including and supplies, provides garners with space at the back of the store arid collections of monthly issues and standalone books organizes games such as Neil in everything Gaiman's Sand-from-Magic, to Mechwarriorto ,.fCarry-9n's·strength man series. Carry-On also good old fashis comics - and happens to be ex-toned Dungeons tremely userand Dragons. they stick to it., I friendly, which - All of this" combined with have yet to walk out 'makes a bigger difference tb.an the fact that the of the store without many people guy who runs the store is super getting exactly' what probably think. The store is laideasy-going I went .In,f or... " knows everyout in a way that makes it easy to thing about evefind a particular rything and tide or to simply browse around. seems to genUinely care about getting you the comics (or whatever) They also, post a list of all the new that you're after, means that Gemini comics that they get in every week:, Jetpl!.ck easily wins t:p.e one-stop-shop which, though a pretty S!l1all detail, is actuallyteally handy. award. Located on the east side of King , Carry-On Comics isn't quite as easy Carry-On Comics & Books to get to but it's a: reliable shop with By their own admission, Carry-On's strength is carnics ---' and they stick a good selection, whether you're a to it. So while their selection ofRPGs, seasoned buyer or spmeone who's etc., isn't as extensive as· a few other justidentifyingtheir comic book taste. places in the city, I have yet to walk Lookin' For Heroes' out of the store withoutgetting'exacdywhat Iwentin for-andusuaily If you;re willing to make the trek to something I didn't. . 'Kitchener (Lookin' For Heroe~is Just like Gemini,Carry~On stocks located on Ontario Street across from. a good supply from big and small the downtown transit centre), this store has one thing that .the others publishers alike, which is good, because if you warifcQpiho'f Both doriY2;...a trulyUiierestfug selection Detective Comics and JfJ'Di!YsW'_ ' '. of really obsCtire~lookittg:c~~ On the same rack, you carl 'find it's a big pain in the ass to have to everytliing from Lenore to-get ready make two trips. Carry-On also wins huge points for having the onlypromifor this - Ratlioactive Man (yes, as in nendy placed copy of Serenity Rose Bart Simpson's favourite comic), 'that I saw on my little expedition. along with lots more mainstream ti. Even better, they manage to keep des. Though it's probablf a little far more issues on the shelves longer. for many people, this is defInitely the For example, they still had copies of place to go ifyou're looking for someThe Ama~ng Spider-Man #500 and thing you haven't seen before. the debut issue of Joss Whedon's 4.stonishingX-Men (the director's cut, no less), which both got really scarce ianb@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

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FRIDAY. SEPTE,MBER3, 2004

he wonderful life of a aterloo Adam McGuire IMPRINTSTAFF

University life is not exciting all the time. After the initial shock of scho01complete with evenings of drunken haze and gentle sobbing for homeyou will inevitably find yourself searching for something to do with your rime in the post-frosh week world. In fact, it is entirely likely that by week two or three, the most exciting thing you will have found at University is tl1e Village 1 spicy chicken wrap. However, that can only fill the void for so long before your mind (and your stomach lining) begins to suffer. So when it looks like homework is your only viable option to maintain your sanity, there is one more exciting way to pass the time on campus. Go watch the \Varriors. Yes, UW has. an athletics department. In fact, WateJ:loo has a total of 31 varsity teams ranging from competitive cheerleading to football to squash. Now this scribe is not going to lie to all you unsusp~cting frosh out there-the Warriors aren'texactlya powerhouse in the athletic realm, But you have chosen the right year to arrive at school, because 2004 may be the best season for \'(!aterloo aililetics in quite some time. After a couple oflean seasons, the \V'at:rjors women's volleyball team looks to have been turned in the right direction by head eoaehJason Grieve, The men's hockey program, along with second-year bench boss Karl Taylor, has the ability to beat any team in the province, And don't forget men's basketball at UW- the club is among the pre-season favourites to reach thenationalchampionship tour- . nament. 0 11 top of that, great things are expected from men's soccer (20030UA silver medalists), women's basketball, women's soccer, men's volleyball and women's hockey. Throw inarguably the best golf team in the province and a twotime defending 0 U A champion field hockey program and the \XI arriors just may be able tobring home a few banners this season, Even Warrior football looks ready for a resurgence as 2003 I 04 UW male athlete ofthe year John Sullivan will once again be dishing out his punishing open-field hits this year. And by the way, Waterloo has the most decorated university s~'immer in Canada, as Warrior Matt IVIains has claimed 15 ~UA and CIS medals over the past two seasons. Watching live sports on campus even adheres to the Kraft-Dinnerand-tap-water budget of the firstrear universit): student, as all regular season brame tickets are free when you present your WatCard at the gate, \X/ho knew you could use your student ID for more than admittance to Fcd.Hall? But for those among the frosh

that find sitting and watching sports as exciting as going to Sociology 101, there are many options for students to get active, UW Campus Recreation offers numerous tournaments, classes and leagues for the frosh who love everything about University except the classes, So the next time you're sitting in the Village 1 cafeteria - punishing your intestinal system \vith yet another spicy chicken wrap.- stand up, grab some floormates and go watch a game. Because remember, you're Warriors now, And Warriors don't eat spicy chicken wraps.

ARDAOCAL

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guide to coming out of the loset at UW Mark Stratford IMPRINT STAFF

Are you gay? For a question that is clearly nobody's damn business, it sure does come up a lot in this label-slappin', sexuality-obsessed society of ours. .And believe me, frosh, in a university student residence full of young adults who are about to share their rooms, showers, dining halls and social lives with each other, sooner or later you will be asked. Like Twas. If I may set the scene for a moment: Four years ago, I was talking to my roommate of one month in Ron Eyd t Village, which at the time was an all-male residence. The topic stumbled imo sexuality and as he was fixing the back of his busted computer console, he casually asked me itI was gay. "No," I replied automatically, instinctively. As all closeted clueers can attest, lying is the most deplorable part otbeing gay and I felt so hurt about having to deceive a stranger who wants to be my friend that I simply chose not to do it this time. In

anticipation of the hell that might break loose, I retracted my answer and outed myself for the ftrsttime ever. "Oh," he said. Then he went back to fixing his Pc. "Have you seen myscrewdriver?" I offer this story, the likes ofwhich happens to dozens of gay people every day, for consideration among any closeted frosh who, like me, came to university with the intention of keeping up the high school charade andhiding their gayness for as long as possible. And if we were going to school at Alabama State-'where I'm sure all frosh faculty shirts are hand~d out with matching "queer stompin' boots" - I would probably agree with the decision. Lucky for you that you're nowatthe Universityof\\!ater100, a school with such a fiiendly and active gay community that it would be a shame not to take part in it. Having spent four years at U\\!, I remain impressed to this day by how graciously everybody at this school makes everyone else feel accepted and comfortable. My ttrst-yearworries of constant anti-gay opposition (I think I watched way too many" After

School Specials") were unfounded; I have never received any direct hate speech or violent threats based on my sexual orientation, and even students who adamantly disapprove for moral and/ or religious reasons have been mature enough not to let their personal beliefs getin the way ofpotential friendships. Ifyou weren't open in high school, you absolutely deserve that chance in college, and in such a walli and invitingclimate, there really is no reason not to feellike yourself. Of course, you must start small, and what better place than in residence?You'll be living with these people for the next eight months and you havea clean slate to work with. So, if you've established a rapport with someone and you think they can handle the news, go for it as soon asyou're ready. What's the worst that could happen? They tell everyone? Great, so now you gauge everyone's reaction and decide who are yourfriends and who aren't. Sowhatif someone turns on you? It's residence - there will be so many different grudges going on that yours may go completely unno-

ticed. If someone asks whyJoe snubs you, just say that you took a piss in his laundry detergent. Done and done. The hard part is coming out to long-time friends and family, for which theU\'{J organizations GLOW (Gays and Lesbians of Waterloo) and the \Vomyn'sCentre are both very useful. Their offices, located side by side in the SLC, carry plenty of fascinating queer literature and resourceful student volunteers and GLOW hosts queer community discussion groups on campusevery Wednesdaynightwhich hit on all the big subjects, from fonning gayidentities and relationships to the difficulty of saying those two little words to mom and dad. After a while, you'll be ready forthe best litmus test of all- a trip to Club Renaissance in Kitchener. Needless to . say,it's a much better gay bar starting point than those in Toronto (sadly, you have to work your way up to the laced drinks and the 200poundshirtless linebackers). Go to Ren

with a group if you can, but don't be intimidated by the thought of going alone. You just might run into a person or two you never thought you would see at such a place, wink wink. Kicking open the closet door is probably one of the most terrifying experiences a person can face, but it's also extremely courageous,unspeakably gratifyinganda great builderofcharacter. ]\'fay all ofyouthesnvords pertain to find happiness, love, support and the ability to feel good in your own skin during your time at U\'V'. Oh, and one more thing: the day you come out to someone is your gay birth date. That day will feel like you've just turned 16-cocky, re-energized, free to do \vhatever (and \vhomever) you want; Trust me, you'll know it when you get there. I turned 16 on October 17,2000, makingme 19 years old now - and I'm feeling it. mstratford@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

ANDREA KERSWllL

The Womyn's Centre is a UWorganization that can help students with gay and lesbian issues.

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Waterloo Park and the Iron Horse Trail

ANDREA

are many trails around Waterloo, anowing for great excercise and relaxation.

The Laurel Trail

Biking inWaterloo is a pleasant path, but it is not paved EDITOR-IN-CHIEF so venturing out after a rainstorm is '< '. '" . not advis~ble. It runs forS km, gx~~~gis go~fkWhetheryou're_,~making it a-nice length for either a -it&s'''' '-.' t}/tf;iing to s h ( ( shortrideoralongeroneifyou;trflvd ..~ . ' es ess, getting there and back. ., . ' es a body notlliit but tinversely, the outdoors are od. SQgettiog the exerc*se Waterloo Park and.the Iron Horse $)4iclo~rs.it). the few months Trail } thi{~spos~ible is agteat idea. Sick of the geese on campus? Why , . ' ,. " . '- Quf$ide~~U?ilb~ o\-gaW . Laura Katsirdakis

,. '. . .; '" JJ:l~ 0!l~;; visiMhe~for~c ~:~'dt)ing's-bme' some short paths in Waterloc:> Park,

~your :%911erblading?WaterIQo has adecent ' ..~;~eetion of bike paths to. explore. ... are some worth trying.. ..•. '-;""-"",,;. .., ~~;~~~,~".'

Lauren Trail "".,' . ' ""-~

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Thl$pathi'S dose to the university, making i{'an easy one to travel #~r a tough day of class or on a ~tudybreakduring exams. It winds its way alpng Columbia Lake, and through the cornfields behind it. It

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and a short distance away, the Iron Horse Trail begins. While the park trails are unpaved, the Iron Horse is fit for rolterblades as well as bikes . The Iron Horse is much less appetizing to the eye, however, offering the viewofKitchener factories and resi~ dential areas. TheIron Horse is cQnstructed to follow an old railway traCk, so it is quite IQQ.g. Butitcrosses many roads .and losespoints for the annoyance of st~ppirigfqrtraffic. '

RIM park

Perhaps one of the best trails to explore, the RIM park paths are paved, long and scenic. This park is pretty far from the university, makingitnecessary to strap your bike to the back of the car or drive over with rollerblades.Vnless you are in fantastic shape, you'll be winded by the time you geno RIM park. The trail itself il?11 km; so it is worth. the .

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