2005-06_v28_no20_Imprint by Editor Imprint

UNIVERS ITY OF WATERLOO STUDENT NEWSPAPER

FRIDAY, DECEMBER

VOl, 28, NO 20

2, 2005

IMPRINT. UWATERLOO.CA

I tli I c rr

I Rebecca Tammer IMPRINT STAFF

MOHAMMAD JANGDA

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and secondary Campus Response team units responded to Kaira, a "stabbing victim" an argument over the last issue of Imprint, during a casualty simulation on November 29. event was organized to increase awareness and interest in the group's work.

c ,t K庐mat Bahlibi M4)hammaa Jangda iMt'!lINT STAFF

Old Italian people evefj'\vhere are in disarray and confusion. The term "bocce" has a new meaning: groovaliciously mesmerising dance , extnIvaganza! Bocce is a duo plus one originally composed of Ben ang and Mike Hond and recently joined by Tony

a Salamone. The new trio showed off their musical talents and hijinks at the Grad House on Thursday, November 24, a show that Imprint almost entirely and with great dis-路 appointment missed (except for Bocce's set, of course). However, our sadness at missing the first tl.VO acts (which included Torngat and London Apartments) quickly disappeared as Bocce manned their instruments in a dark

and murky room in the Grad House and got us into the groove - our feet tapping and bodies moving. We had set high standards for the show, expecting it to deliver no less than twice the amount of enjoyment a vanilla dip doughnut does to our stomachs ,- the show delivered almost five 6mes that amount. The band chucked tambourines out to the crowd before the start of the set, each sporting a shiny

\1{'e have entered the age of new moralityor, rather, immorality, according to Dr. John Meisel, the speaker at the 2005 Hagey Lectures last Monday evening; "The Curse and Potential of Greed: Social and Political Issues Arising from Acquisitiveness" ,;vas the 6tle of his talk at the Humani .. ties Theatre. l\leisel is a renowned Canadian political scientist of Czech origin who began lecturing at Queen's University in 1949. Among other accolades, he is tlle Sir Ed\l.'ard P<'..acock Politin.l Science Emeritus at Que<;n's CniYcrsity,an officer of the Order of Canada and was the president of the Royal of Canada in 1992 tor a three-year ffiiindate. From 1980 to 1983 he "was the chairman of the Canadian Radio-Television and Telecornmunications Commission and has been associated with numerous task forces and i.nquiries for both the Canadian federal government and the United Nations. Hagey Lecture committee chairman Gerd Hauck, a member of the drama and speecll communications department)ntrodueed the evening with a description of the lecture's namesake. J. Gerry Hagey, UniYersity of \X'aterloo's fi.rst president from 1958 to 1969. This

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was the 25th anniversary of the lecture. f..路ieisel hopped onto the stage in a navy blue suit to address t.,he hall as a hush fdl over the audience. He began by laying out principles and dcfining terms. Settjng the tone by indicating that his talk would permit the audience to "revisit floatingideas that are w::'.it.ing to be sorted out ... or doze off to the monotonous but harmless drone of the orator." Noting the recent ongoing cortuption in national govetrunents in Canada, he talked about the spiral of greed and cynicism that leads individuals to corruption. One of the defining factors of this age. of is tllat acquisitiveness has driven capitalism and "what one owns has hecc:n:;,e mote important that what one IS. He mentioned a number of issues rdating to the problems with greed, th," first and f()remost being that \vhen the rewards increase for a few, the enrire pool of rewards available to aU decreases. Another difficulty .is that the obscenely wealthy acqt;irc vulgar, p,unpered lift;styles that are gained on the backs of the many. Lastly, acquisitiveness undenrjnes confidence in public insTitutions because of the potential Ie)r corruption in public offices.

See GREED, page 5

gro

new Dollerama s6cker. These were quickly snatched up by those in the crowd that hadn't bought an original handmade Bocce tambourine. The ringing of tambourines broke out, as fans slowly got into the music and joined in as though part of the band, while Bocce played on. Some people got a little too into tlle performance; one guy proceeded to smash his tambourines to pieces, the remains of which flew over our

heads and across the floor. \'i7hv tambourines you ask? It's a tradi'tion that begat; at a Bocce show not too long ago, 'when a guy brought along a bunch of tambourines, which by the end were strewn in pieces across the floor. They've had tambourines at shows ever since -- we give this move two wholehearted rock-ons. See TAMBOURINE, page 18

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J~RIDAY.

DECEMBER 2, 2005

l''::cwsEditor: Jacqueline McKoy New's .\ssistam: Jessie Quinn

W pi n ing student t repr s nt reens in upcoming federal election

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Mohammad Jangda iMPRINT STAFF

Maas, a masters student in the school of plaruring, is in the running as a candidate with the Green Party for the Kitchener Centre riding in the upcoming federal election. Maas, who has been an active with the Green Party for about a decade now accepted the opportunity presented to him when the UH~.VI.<"U' nominee moved to British Columbia. was an opportunity that Maas had been interested in persuing but was waiting until he s(,ttir:.d down with his wife. interest in politics was spurred by a com';."IC he took at Western titled "Politics and the Environment." Maas' environmental technoldiploma had failed to raise any conscious ;1W!LrCnCSS on the issue of sustainability but the COUfS{: at Western changed this. His main focus then has paralleled that of the Green whose values are inherent in the topic of sustainability. According to Maas, the Green defines sustain ability as "more than just concern for the environment." They are not a intent on eradicating the economy, which as a natural product of society, but there are limits to its growth. ;\has describes the Green Party as a "cross-Cllflit!j/ partv" and not further left than the ND J:l " , think. The Green Party has a dear idea of what their nc, consistency at all levels of governfrom international to local, and a focus he cans the "long vie\,,:" "If ... bickerbetween parties that can't get fall apart regardless whether or bad," be commented. up and living in smaller communities most of his life as well as the structure Green Partv, he says, will aD.ow him to a grassroot~ conne'ction with his community and be betTer able to represent his con;zti ruents. /\nd with his academic background "vide experiences with policy, he hopes to this to act on current criticisms on public Since his official nomination on 111esday, November 29, Maas has been swamped with calls and media attention. He states this is a "good indication of the slow building momen

that is behind the Green Party," another reason why he is involved with them. He finds that the G'reen Party is very diverse, but finding especially that more younger people are getting involved. The new generation of youth, he says, are growing up with environmental issues in the forefront so are more educated and aware of these issues. Because of this, one of his plans is to work on lowering the voting age. Maas says that youth have many rights, but not one given the opportunity to have a say in how the country .is run. He agrees that change would be gradual, but getting youth involved in the voting process is important. ~1aas' first exposure to politics, an interesting twist to his tale, was in Grade 8 when he was elected president of the student council in a landslide victory - voted in by all five other people in his small dass. Although Maas was tum

politically dormant for a while after that, he has been an active member-at-Iarge for about te...'1 years, as mentioned earlier. For the past six months, he has held the post of media chair, a position that involved keeping up \vith issues in the media. When asked what advice he would give students, he said to "just vote," but to make it an educated vote: read the paper, know the local candidates and their platforms, and listen to the debates. He also added that students should vote green, because the Green Party is one that delivers on its promises. With the hustle and bustle of the upcoming elections, Maas hopes to put off his masters thesis for a little bit and spend some time delivering platform flyers to get his word out. jangda@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Dam:m Hutz Feds exec I-Iowie Bender and John Andersen spent Monday and Tuesday of this week at an OUSA lobby conference at Queens Park in Toronto. From November 27-29, Andersen, BCl'1t.it:r and various other representatives from Brod" .McMaster, Wilfrid Laurier, Western and Universities met with provincial politi1:1am :.ll1d discussed post-secondary education rda!{~d issues. year, an OUSA steering committee sets the policy that will be pushed toward resolution. "We pick a few points to hit hard $aid Andersen. The OUSA mandate that was brought to our MPPs is centered around four issues: tuition, multi-year plans, pan-Canadian vision for post-secondary education and international students working off-campus. On November 28, Queen's Park announced a decision accepting recommendations on the fourth issue.

IMPRINT STAFF

Canada

Two British Columbia women who accused a Catholic men's group of discriminating against them for cancelling their wedding hall booking in 2003 have been partly vindicated by the provincial Human Rights Tribunal. According to the CBC, Tracey Smith and Deborah Chymyshyn had signed a contract with the managers of the Knights of Columbus hall in Port Coquitlam. But after they paid their deposit and sent out their wedding invitations, the hall's managers realized that the two women were marrying each other and cancelled the booking. Smith and Chymyshyn complained to the Human Rights Tribunal that it was discriminatory to offer a facility to the public and then say a particular group can't use it. Although the tribunal ruled the organization should pay thnvomen $1,000 each for the embarrassment and hardship they suffered, the decision also says the Knights of Cohunbus cannot be forn;d to contradict its religious beliefs. The tribunal has told the fraternal group it should have assisted the women in finding another haD to mitigate the harm. International

Masters of planning student Tony Maas has been been nominated as KitchenerWaterloo's new Green Party candidate for the upcoming federal election.

s xecs fi ht for student-friendly olicy at pr vincial I bby conference IMPI'\INT STAFF

Mark Johnson

Previously international students were only allowed to seek employment on-campus despite the fact that they pay much higher tuition than Canadian citizens, according to Bender.

IIWe have their ear -

we educate the decision .. makers." -John Andersen, Feds President After this announcement, international students are now legally able to work up to 20 hours off-campus once they have been enrolled for six months. "We would like students to be eligible immediately, but this is something," said Bender. He continued, "we came out of this with a direct result ... OUSA and CASA do an amazing job at lobbying, the only problem we have is at getting students involved"

Andcrsen calls OUSA an educating force for MPPs, as well as a political one. "OUSA is held in high esteem ... some MPPs are knowledgable, but some you actually have to start from scratch." He continued, "we have their ear - we educate the decision-makers." Andersen met with provincial MP John Tory, leader of the Ontario Conservative Party, among others. "Changing [post-secondary education] is a long-term process, but I have seen politicians actually change their minds over the course of six mi:>nths. That's the benefit of participating in these organizations," said Andersen "!The announcement] was a direct effect of our prescence at Queen's park," said Bender, who most notably met with j\,fP Chris Bentley, :Minister of Training, Colleges and Universities. For more information on OUSA and its involvement with UW'; check \\'ww.ousa.ca and www.feds.ca/StudentsHelpingStudents/GAC.

html. dhutz@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

A crin1c suspect in Springlldd, Illinois made an interesting choice for his getaway car: a riding Ia-wnmower_ Police say they got a tip about a stolen riding lawnmower and, when they investigated, they spotted a man driving across a cornfield near the city. Sangamon County Sheriff's' Tapscott said authorities set up a I.JE][lnJ,C1.e wlule he and another drove field to talk to the Jawnmower driver. identified Lhemsdves and told him to stop, but he allegedly tried to driye off. Tapscott started to jog beside the lawnmower, which was travelling at about five miles per hour. The driver finally stopped when po-lice threatened to stun him with a tas.,r. Thev placed Charles H. Carter, 45 under arrest and returned him to the Illinois Department of Corrections. Deputies have been unable to determine who owns the Craftsman mower. It's not uncommon for airline passengers to doze off during their flight. But for 21-year-old Tor Martin Johansen, the snooze lasted through an entire round trip. Johansen fell asleep on a short flight from the central Norway city of Trondheim via Roervik to his hometown of Namsos on Thursday. When he woke up, he was back in Trondheim. Wilen the commuter plane landed in Nam80S, no one noticed the sleeping passenger, or reacted to the extra person on board compared to the passenger count. So the plane returned to Trondheim with Johansen still on board. "!tis completely correct, unfortunately. Ithas never happened before," Richard Kongsteien, spokesman for the Wideroe airline, said by telephone. "Seen on its own, it's an amusing incident, but it is also a very serious matter." He said that the plane was on a commuter route with several stops and so ",--as never emptied. However, he said ground personnel violated security regulations by failing to notice a mismatch between the passenger list, with 33 people, and the count of 34 pcople on board. The airline gave Johansen a free ticket to 1->i8 original destination. mjohnson@imprint.uwaterioo.ca

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 2, 2005

Four candidates to compete for student votes in the Kitchener-Waterloo riding Ashley Csanady IMPRINT STAFF

On November 28, 2005 the federal government fell in a historical non-confidence vote that passed 171-133. This is the first time a federal government has fallen in over a quarter of a century. The election is set for January 23' Although this means an exceptionally long campaign at eight weeks, the campaign trail 'will not be blazing until after the holidays. So expect to be surrounded by ad campaigns and signs when you return to campus in January. The fact that early polls are suggesting a second minority government makes the upcoming political battle even more interesting; fvIost UW students are part of the KitchenerW:ncdoo riding. Candidates for this riding are l'elegdi (Liberal incumbent), Ajmer Mandaur (C:onservative Party of Canada), I:<.d\,vin Laryea (New Democratic Party) and Pauline Richards (Green Party). In the previous election, Telegdi won by 28,015 ballots versus the conservative candidate's (Steve Strauss) 17,155. Richards and Laryea ran last time and received 9,224 and 3,271 votes respectively.

Liberaf Andrew Telegdi has been the MP for the Kitchener-Waterloo riding for the past four terms. Born in communist Hungary in 1946, Telegdi immigrated here as a refugee in 1957. Andrew is a UW alumnus and was president of the Federation of Students for two terms.

He was also member of the Board of Governors of Wilfrid Laurier University from 1990 to 1993, as a chair of a community advisory board for Conestoga College and is currently the Chairman of the Standing Com mittee on Citizenship and Immigration and Chairman of the Liberal Caucus of Southwestern Ontario. Conservative Party of Canada

Ajmer Mandux is the owner and operator of two small businesses in Kitchener Waterloo. He immigrated to Canada in 1983. He graduated from Conestoga College \"ith a degree in Business Administration-Materials Management. He is part of the Regional Safety and Crime Prevention Council and the Water~ 100 Neighbourhood Watch Board. New Democratic Party

of Education and Master of Arts degrees in French and Spanish. He is chair of From The Ground Up, a program of Working Against Youth Violence Everywhere (\VAYVE), a .member of the Board of the United Way of Kitchener-\1Vaterloo and Area and the Literacy Group of W!aterIoo Region. Green. Party

Pauline Richards heads a tri-citypeer-counsdling network and also teaches the techniques to adults. She is also a founding member of the Lakeshore Neighbourhood Association and the Seven Generations Network. In her spare time she also sjngs with the Raging Grannies. These candidates will all participate in a debate held at UW This debate is a joint UW and Laurier event. Elections Canada will also be on campu!, in January so students can register to vote. Potentially, students

from other ridings will be able to register to vote here. Feds will also be providing transportation to and from polling stations on election day so students have the opportunity to vote. Don't expect all the campaigning you see to be from those federal candidates. Starting in January Feds is running a two-pronged campaign: one to encourage students to ,;'ote, and the othel< telling students what education platforms various candidates have. Howie Bender, Feds vice-president education said, "this is the first tiIne in a long time we have an election during the school year [which J provides a unique opportunity to get more voters out. "It's an opportunity for the student body to sho"v [that the] student demographic makes a difference politically," he added. When asked what the Feds goals were for their campaign to accompany the e1c.'K> rion he stated, "our main goal is to increal'e student participation. [Ourl secondgoalis to provide information to help students make their decision." Tiley intend "not to sway the vote, but inform the vote." acsanady@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Edwin La.ryea has been employed for 29 years with the Waterloo Region District SchooLBoard as a teacher and department head. He attended McMaster University and the University of 'Ibtonto and holds Bachelor of Arts, Bachelor

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The Kitchener-Waterloo riding includes both UW and Laurier, stretching north to south between Benjamin Road and the Canadian National railway tracks, and east to west between Wilmot Line and Grand River.

FRlDAY. DECEMBER 2, 2005

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Greed: Meisel questions Canada Continued from cover

sacred trust," he told the crowd. The university should impart the experiGreed need not be entirely bad, ence of knowledge on its students and however. There might be some equip them with the moral and ethical potential in acquisitive behaviour armour to withstand the assaults of as the title of Dr. Meisel's lecture the future. The motto of universities suggests. The positive consequences should be, "human knowledge for that come from amassing wealth human frailty." give the ability for many science Dr. Meisel's lecture was followed and t:echnology innovations to go by a question and answer session, forward. Philanthropy, according which the audience took up enthusito Meisel, assuages the guilt of the astically after an hour of demanding astronomically wealthy and bestows contemplation. The evening ended legiti!:nacy on their businesses in the with a wine and cheese reception form of connections to charity and iiI the lobby of Hagey Hall where good works. The question the lecture the crowd mingled and discussed posed was whether or not greed "can the lecture. be shaped so that the balance can tilt . Monday evening was the main more toward the positive." event of the Hagey Lecture but the One of Meisel's examples was visiting scholar continued on at the Andrew Carnegie, the 19th century school for several days to take part in Americ::atl steel and railroad tycoon, academic functions, tour the instituwho said, "Only in popular education, and host a student colloquium tion can man erect the structure of the day after the formal lecture. an eriduring civilization." Carnegie's The colloquium, held in the Senph.ilmtnropic foundation still supate room at Needles Hall on Tuesports works of public good, with day morning, was entitled "Thry're a mis8ion to advance and diffuse dysfunctional Frank?" in reference knowledge and understanding a to Canadian ambassador to the. US hundred years after his death. Frank McKenna's recent comments Dr. Meisel was also concerned about the American political system. about corporations, noting that in Dr. Meisel imparted on the group of orderto keep them as well as individu40 students and faculty a detailed and als from letting their acquisitiveness precise half hour lecture on exactly become cynical and corrupt, we must what he believes the major functions rely on government, churches, and of Canadian government should other watchdog organizations like be and, where they are failing those unions, pension funds and human expectations. rights organizations; "If we are going Giving a funt:tional analysis, in to tilt the balance," he said, "then the true political science fashion, Meisel existfug efforts must be expanded outlined eight areas that government and widened." should always strive to address but ught ~ talk around to where Canadafailssorely sometimes. a climax for his university His outlined functions of a nation audience., young and old alike. "Uniare civic order, public life that is acversities are not in business but area countable, absence of hardship for

all, good and effective educational

systems, Cultural nationalism, international commitments, big issues like national unity, aboriginals and the environment, and a government that makes a citizen proud to be of that nation. ~. That "Canada was born in a fit of absentmindedness," as opposed to the violence of revolutionary war like the United States, does not excuse it from trying to live up to the high ideals that people have for a nation. According to Meisel, "it is better to aim high and miss than aim lower and scrape your knees." The discussion was to centre around what the audience believed Meisel had left out, what we felt was most important, and what' were the overall principles that might be used to set up categories for the study of other governments. The participants, mostly students, dove in with enthusiasm to tackle problems that they thought plague our government. Much of the audience was made up of Pro£ Hauck's speech communications class who tended to focus on the problems within the education system but there were also a number of political science students on hand to receive wisdom from the venerated expert. One of the conclusions that many students came to is that Canadians need to stop viewing our problems and our country in isolation. If we ;want to find solutions to the problems that face Canada we must attempt to find our common humanity and put the interests of all citizens of the world ~bove that of the greedy or the selfish individuil. rtemmer@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

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Online-only fee bills cause payment woes·· ~Temmer

IMPRINT STAFF

Since spring 2005, UW'has no longer been mailing paper fee statements to stfildents. This step was' taken in ordei' to save time and money and to provide a better, more consistent service fOr students. Accotdingto a presentation made by Karen Hamilton, manager of student financials, the measure will save the approximately $162,000 annually. These savings will make more efficient use of staff time while allowing students to have accurate and up-to;-date account information through the Quest system. Several students had concerns about the new system. "Students were not properly ~" said Chris Malolepszy a fourth-year history student. "I was expec:ting a fee statement andgotiate fees because I didn't know where to find the information onlfue."

According to Hamilton's report,. announcements were posted in the Dai(y Bulletin and Imprint, included in paper fee bills before they were discontinued, announcements made on Quest, and "blast" emails sent out to students. She also imparted that the reaction to the new bill system has been generally positive. There have been some disgruntled parents who feel they should be notified about fee statements changes in their child's tuition. Hamilton re-· sponded, "unfortunately, this is not possible as the University of Waterloo's arrangements are with the students and not with the parents. While we appreciate that parents do pay tuition in some. instances, we hope and trust, that the students will convey all the necessary infor~ation to them when appropriate." . Sarah Cale, a third-year po-

litieal science student had a more technical problem with the new system. "This summer 1 was out west working at a resort," she said. "The only notification I got was through e-mail and didn't have access to secure sites [required by Quest] where I ,-,,"orked." She claimed to have a difficult time in finding proper access in order to pay her fees on time. The university's plan assumes that students will have some kind of access to the internet or will be able to make alternative arrangements to make payment. . While there continues to be some growing pains With the new system, with four per. cent more students reCeivingiate fees this term, the overall reaction to the new system from students has been positive -'- many agree that it is good financially and environmentally as well. rtemmer@imprint.~rIoo.ca

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FRIDAY, DECEMBER 2, 2005

elebrati nand turm il visit UW in Christine Loureiro Chris Miller IMPRINT STAFF

UW to celebrate achievements in SLC on December 5 What better way to celebrate the end of the term and uW's achievements in 2005 than with a party? Well, UW President David Johnston thinks it's a good idea, too. He's inviting all students, staff, faculty, alumni and retirees to join in a celebration on December 5 from 1 p.m. to 2 p.m. in the SLC GreatHall. Partygoers will be treated to cake, refreshments and giveaways to celebrate, amongother U\XPs 2005 best overall ranking magazine.

Political "turmoil" divides Environmental Studies Society According to Environmental Studies Society presidential hopeful Vivian Nho, the ESS is suffering from deep-rooted political turmoil and civil unrest. HAmong rumours of scandal and corruption, top members of the current administration are resigning their posts and have called for an unprecedented emergency election," Nho

wrote in an e-mail to environmental studies student.". "Amidst the confusion the current vice president has nominated himself for the presidency and hopes to quickly assume power. I promise to unite em7i-ronmentalstudies under my visionary leadership and take our faculty into a bold and prosperous new future." Voting in the ESS by-election ,,>ill be over by press time. Three of the six current ESS executives are resigning from their positions for mundane reasons, said social director Rebecca Temmer. ''Andrew and I are graduating, and Stuart is going on co-op," she told Imptint. Andrew Mok is the ESS treasurer, and Stuart Hastings is the current president. Nho addressed the issue on student weblog tallbold.net, where she called the e-mail a joke and wrote that she is serious about the position. Election results will be available next week.

President Johnston opens UW office in NYC OW opened an office in New York City on November 22. The Waterloo Institute for Computer Research (ICR) Manhattan is near Wall Street and the New York Stock Exchange. Tom Coleman, dean of math, says the office will connect UW to its alumni in the New York City area and the international business and finance world. It will also allow OW to strengthen current and forge new partnerships and act as a storefront

for U\V researchers and students. The office will be used primarily for workshops, seminars, research briefings and society meetings in its first year, according to UW It will also let the school connect \V1-th prospective students and faculty in the northeastern U.S. Celebrations concluded when Johnston and UW reps rang the Opening Bell at the New York Stock Exchange on November 23. Alumni, business leaders al)d prominent Canadians like Canadian Consul General Pamela Wallin (formerly on UW's Board of Governors) were on hand to open the offices. Chancellor and RIM CEO lVIike Laziridis delivered the keynote speech, "What's Coming in Wireless Communication."

Universities receive $1 million research grant The University of Waterloo will receive $900,000 for nine research projects as part of a new funding program targeted at Ontario research institutions, announced a news release from John Milloy, l\lPP for Kitchener Centre. Wilfred Laurier Universitvwilllikewise receive $100,000 for one'project. In a press release Premier Dalton McGuinty, who is also head of the recently created Ministry of Research and Innovation, said, "to ensure that Ontario can compete in the marketplace of ideas, the Ministry of Research and Innovation is working to give our innovatOrs the tools they need." The Early Res(:arch Progf'tllll, slated

uIu ...ju re e ber to e pty your pockets,. Going home for the weekend has never been so easy. Greyhound provides bus service directly to mom's laundry room. Visit us at greyhound.ca or call 1-800-661-TRIP(8747) to discover how easy it is to get 0/0 your next ticket purchase!

to spend $30 million over the next three years, gives a maximum of $100,000 to researchers beginning independent academic research careers, provided the university matches it -with $50,000.

New admin for department of housing and residences OW is making changes to the department of housing and residences due to increased demands on the department. A new position, university housing officer, will be created to take over the department's management. There \'lill be an open competition to fill the position. With twice as many students in residence as there were 10 years ago, the housing department has also doubled in size, according to Bud Walker, UW's director of university business operations. The number of beds in residence Increased from 4,000 in 1995 to 6,000 in 2005, Walker and Pam Charbonneau (manager of marketing and residence life development) told UW's senate in October. The number of first--year students in residence rose from 2,200 to 4,000 in the same period while the annual housing budget increased from $13 million to $26 million.

UW mag nominated environmental coverage

for

m.,,~r

Utne Independent Press Award for its environmental coverage. Alternatit'fJs, Canada'slongestmnning environmental magazine, is up against

Sl!1allFmmeriJournal, OurT(x</tTitllesand The Et'()/ogirtamong others. It is the only Canadian magazine nominated. Four staff members, six to eight U\V interns and volunteers from Waterloo region keep the mag;azine running. It publishes bimonthly. The magazine was also nomi nated this fall for a Kitchener-Waterloo Peace Medallion in the category of strong community. Utnewill unveil the winner in their January/February 2006 issue.

Top accountancy students win Deloitte scholarships Seven of U\XJ's accountnncv students won a $2,500 scholarship' from the Deloitte Centre for Tax Education and Research, a partnership between Deloitre & Touche LLP and UW's school of accountancy. This year's recipients are Dennis Pentsa, Florence Fung, Kelly Russell, David Ha, Margarita de Guzman, Ashley Houlden and Tony Chl.!. Applicants submitted a one-page essay on the future of tax practices a.'1d globalization. According to Deloitre's Bianca Melbourne, judges were very impressed with the quality of the applications. The Centre has awarded 28 scholarships over the last four years.

Alternatives, the faculty of environmental studies' journal, is nominated for the second consecutive,year for

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cioureiro@imprint.uwaterioo.ca cmiller@imprint.uwater!oo.ca

III

DECEMBER 2, 2005

Another riff on asking why THIS IS

Yomt

I noticed recently that UW seems to have changed its promotional tagline. The change appeared in a series of ads printed in major national newspapers (oratleastin the GlobeandAlailj. We are no longer ''building a talent trust" but instead we're operating in "the spirit of why not." Staid Waterloo is becoming cavalier as it nears its golden birthday. Anyone who has been around young children knows that they are forever asking questions which you are forever trying to answer with something other than ''Because!'' Last week I briefly touched on the importance of asking the question wh~: Asking questions are the only way w 61 in the blanks in our memory. University of Waterloo students (or at least the ones in my classes) rarely seem to ask questions. Perhaps uw, in its eternal quest to atttact the best and the brightest, has managed to recruit students who know everything; students who, know all the answers. But I doubt it. Instead students adopt the head+down-and-keep-working-untilthe-end-of-term-Merry-Christtnas-

see-you-in-the-New-Year attitude. Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe there are students out there who ask intelligent questions without appearing arrogant. Maybe I'm just looking for the wrong questions.

Perhaps UW, in its eternal quest to attract the best and the brightest, has managed to recruit students who know everything; students who know all the answers. But I doubt it. Returning to the university's tagline and being the cynical student that I am, I can quickly come up with more than few answers: because we don't have the money; because we can't; because we said so. But at least this tagline explains a lot about the university's thinking over the last few terms. Could we sell

more parking permits than there are spaces for cars? Why not? Could we ship the architecture school down to Cambridge and hope that somebody else provides the infrastructure? Why not? Could we open yet another satellite campus in Kitchener? Why not? Every time the university asks why not, the students are left scratching their heads and asking why. The role of the good journalist is to always be asking the question, why. The first one I hope to ask is why have I seen a hatchback with racing stripes labeled "Watcard" on campus? Is there a Watcard superhero that I don't know about? If you have a question that you want answered on campus, let me knOw. The questions can range from the mundane to the critical to the esoteric. Before I end, I have a quick housekeeping note. After limping along for several years, the Imprintserver, which connects us to you (not to mention our e-mail and goes a long way towards getting this paper to press) died last week. Tim and his merry band of staff have pulled some long hours, to get the final two editions out using an old Olivetti typewriter, three steno pads and a red pen. January should hopefully see a return to regular prograrruriing, including two shiny new servers. The server is dead, long live the server. Happy holidays.

- .. - . . . . . . . .

Suzanne Gardner IMPRiNT STAFF

At the next Feds election in February 2006, two new student fees are planned to be put to a referendum: one an arts endowment fund and the other an academic services fee. Both of these payments may sound familiar to upper-year students as this will be the second time that an arts endowment fund has been put to a .referendum and the proposed academic services fee has been in the works since May 2005. The arts endowment fund would be a payment of $12 per term for all non-accountancy arts students. The current wording of the referendum question is: "Do you support the creation of an arts endowment fund at a ~able cost of $12 per term, to be paid by all full-time undergraduate arts students registered through the School of Accountancy, and to be administered under the proposed constitution?" This referendum would be open to all full-time undergraduate arts students including those registered at the affiliated colleges and exdudingthoseregistered through the School o£ Accountancy. In February 2004, a referendum regarding a proposed arts endowment fund was held in conjunction with the annual Feds election. The main purpose of the fund was IX> provide arts students with pote/ntial access to money that can be ulsed to support various artsrela~d projects, from updating mul~edia labs with improved computers to ensuring that language labs house the latest editions of dictionaries. Unfortunately for the Yes committee, however, the

referendum was not accepted because Feds bylaws state that "the results of the referendum shall be binding on the corporation, provided that the minimum number of voters in the simple majority of a binding referendum be [several per cent] of voting members." While the overall turnout for this referendum was 10.44 per cent, only 6.8 per cent of voters chose "yes." Neal Moogk-Soulls, an initial supporter of the idea of an arts endowment fund, advocated its benefits. "It's about giving arts students the chance to improve their educational experience from a fund collectively raised among themselves. It's about giving them a choice of what to support," explained Moogk-Soulis. He continued to comment on how all other faculties on campus have an endowment,fund and that the proposed cost for the arts fund would be the lowest fee of all of these funds. "For $12, you can possibly access over $70,000 a term to do what you want. It's a nominal fee, just like the price of a movie." Arts councillor Paul Lehmann also expressed his pleasure wi.th the current proposal for an arts endowment fund: ''A studentdriven endowment fund for the faculty of arts is a great idea that is long overdue. It is important that students take the initiative to play an active role in enhancing student life and the quality of our education on campus; and the creation of this endowment fund is a big step in improving the student 'experience in arts." Lehmann also

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'rts endowment fund and student r=-'" services fee up for referendum c'

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•

added that the fee would be fully refundable. The academic services fee would be used to fund university correspondence fees, such as how students currently need to pay' for each individual transcript and letter from the registrar. This referendum question presently asks: "Do you support the implementation of a $10 per term, all-pay, non-refundable 'academic services fee?'" This referendum would be open to all full-time undergraduate students. Although he is strongly in favour of the arts endowment fund, Lehmann is against the projected academic services fee. Lehmann related his disapproval with this plan: "I cannot support moving to a system that charges a non-refundable flat fee to cover academic services. If the university is going to charge a non-refundable fee to every single student to access services, then there should be an identified need for every single student to access those services -like the fee for student services. That said, if you're a student thinking of heading into a post-grad where you will need multiple transcripts for applications, then this option is ideal for you. But if you're not, you will probably not get your $1 0 worth in your career here." While the precise wording and details of these referenda are still subject to change, any alterations that take place as a result will most likely come into effect in the Fall 2006 semester.

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FRIDAY, DECEMBER 2, 200:

PINION Friday, December 2, 2005 -

VoL 28, No. 20

Memories marking the end

Student Life Centre, Room 1116 Univetsity of Waterloo Waterloo, Ontario N2L 3Gl P: 519.888.4048 F: 519.884.7800 imprint.uwaterloo.ca Editor-in-chlef, Tim Alamenciak eic@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Advertising & Production Manager, Laurie Tigert-Dumas ads@imprintuwaterloo.ca General Manager, Catherine Bolger cbolger@imprintuwaterloo.ca

Editorial Staff Assistant Editor, Stephanie Theis Cover Editor, Kirill Levin Photo Editor, Mohammed Jangda Graphics Editor, Claire Mousseau Web Editor, Sarah-Beth Doner Systems Administrator, Alex Trussler Sys. Admin. Assistant, Zheng Xu

Lead Proofreader, Simon Yarrow Proofreader, Suzanne Gardner Proofreader, Ernie !.au Proofreader, Stephen Edge Proofreader, Ashley Csanady Imprint Intern, Whitney Wager

Office Staff Sales Assistant, Liz Yeung Production Assistant, Darren Hutz Volunteer Coordinator,Jas Banwait Distribution, Tiffany Dejak Distribution, };Iaureen Peterson

l opinion@imprint.uwaterlbo.ca -Opinion Editor: :Mark Johnson Opinion Assistant: Tom Levesque

line

It sucks when you think of a brilliant but then realize Shakespeare already used it. God dammit! I once dated a girl who said, "Heramb, there's too much drama in my life." I analyzed this statement for three minutes and tactfully retorted: "What the fuck are you talking about? You study pure mathematics. Shiat, you take a course called 'Rings and Fields.' What the hell kinda 'Dungeons and Dragons' poo poo is that? "Ok, let's dissect your friends. Are theyprofessional assassins? Nope. Axe they caribou hunters? Nope. They're freaking optometry majors! Your criminal history is cleaner than the Pope's. Your. parents are actuaries. You're allergic to cheese. Wow! Come to think of it, your life is quite possibly more boring than average. Except you date me! Zing!" humbly announced Herambone. So she dumped my ass. Grandma taught me to always behonest. Gtandmaalso taughtme to marry rich old widows and be their man-toys. Arid with that, Imustleavethiswritinggigandfindmywrinkly soul mate. Before! do, it's shout-out time!

Mad props to my dad's potent sperm and mama's stomach, which still ranks as the best residence with free rent and meals. Ralph Waldo Emerson once said that ''A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature." He has obviously not met my friends. They know who they are and to them I say, ''What do you want, a medal, you ungrateful bastards?" To all the girls and trannies I've seduced, thanks for the unforgettable seconds of spiritual enlightenment. As an aside, with my Imprintretirement come$ the retirement of the following international Herambonicsed~1l1aneuver: "Hey, can I read your palm? I'm a professional- (after gendy caressinghandfor 3Oseconds)-thislifelinepredicts that you will fall for bullshit palm readers." To end this column, I leave you with some of my favourite actual conversations I've had with people. Conversation with German exchange student about Dave Chappelle: ''Dave Chappelle? Who is zat?" asked German dude. "He's like the best comedian in America," affirmed Herambone. "Ohreally? Is ze better then Stephen Strouffen from Germany?" Herambone gives that exchange the "Braune Faust der Zustirnmung!" Conversation with a girl on a date: Heramb: "I think all Sith lords are gay. First

off, it's always two of them together and they're always guys. None of themaremarriedcuz~all evil and chicks don't evil, hooded freaks.You can't tell me that Sith lords don't get horny. . ''And why are all Sithnames so scary - Darth Vader,DarthSideous,DarthPlaguious... Whycan't a Sith Lord name his apprentice Darth Puppius or Darth Tulipius?" Girl: "Ummm, I've never watched LmrJ qf

rug

the Rings." Heramb: "Cheque please." ConversationwithmyfriendVaginalDischarge (Vag for short): Vag: "Herambone, I know for sure my girlfriend is cheating on me!" Heramb: ''What do you expect? You met her during a threesome." Finally, the origin of mynicknameHerambone (thisis fuckingttue). After a knock on myVl dorm door at 4 p.m. one day after my 19th birthday, I ' open the door to find this mega-hot blonde police officer with stripper boobies standing there. Heramb, more hung-over than a kegger at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, speaks: "Ummm, hello?" Cop \vith boobies: ''Yes, I have a wallet for you. Someone found it in a Kitchener dunipsite. (\1I7ith a mischievous grin, she reads my name tag on the door that was apparendy tampered with the night before.) Axe you Herambone?" hramachandran@imprint.uwaterioo.ca

PlIT SCRIPT

AdYertising Assistant, Tania Martin

Board of Directors board@imprint.uwaterloo.ca President, Dan Micak president@)mprint.uwaterloo.ca Vice-president, Sarah Allmendinger ''P@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Treasurer, Jeff Anstett treasurer@imprint.u\vaterloo.ca Secretary, Kelly Dilkes secretary@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

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Staff liaison, Durshan Ganthan staff.liasion@imprlnt.uwaterloo.ca

Production Staff Dean Whclton, Henunb Ramachandran, Dan Mlcak, Jeff Anstett, Leslie Havens, Kaitlan Huckabone, Suzan Pack, Scott Houston, Neal Moogk-Soulis, Christine Loureiro, Rolands Tiltins, Rebecca Temmer, Senor Jake Fakenamerson

Impintis the official srur::re:rn newspaper of the Univetsity of w.uedoo. It is an edirorialIy independentnewspaperp,ublished by ImpintPublications, Waterloo, a ~ wilhout share c:ipitaI. Imprintis a member of the Ontario Community Newspaper Association (OCNA~ Editorial submissions may be considererl !Dr publicationin any edition of Imprint. Impintmay also reproduce the material commetcially in any funnat or rnediutit as part of the newspaper dambase, ~ site or any other product derived from the newspaper Those submitting editorial content, including articles, letters, photos and graphics, will grant Impintfirst. publication rights of thcir submit:ted material, and as such, ag= not to submit the same \W1k to any other publication or group until sum time as the material has been disttibuurl in an issue of Imptint, or Impint declares thcir intent not to publish the material. The full. tat of this agreementis avaiIabJe upon request.

Imprint does not guarantee to publish articles, photographs, letters or advertising. Material may not be published, at the discretion of Imprint, if that material is deemed to be libelous orin contravention withImprinls policies with reference to our code of ethics and journalistic standards.

Imprint is published e;ery Friday during fall and winter terms, and e;ery second Friday during the spring term. Imprint reserves the right to screen, edit and refuse ~ One copy per customer. Imprint ISSN 0706-7380. Imprint CON Pub Mail Product Sales Agreement no. 40065122. Next board meeting: TBA

Int grity is at the heart of journalism But when you are naked in the public eye (like, say, a newspaper editor), your integrity and ethics become much more public. Not only do they shape who you are, but they shape a publication that many adore and care for. They playa role (as small or large as it may be) in determining the opinion of the public. There are essentially two t}pes of articles that appear in Imprint-editorials (or opinion Integrity in any pursuit is a difficult thing to pieces) and news pieces. We have several that define. . defy qualification on this scale, however the I've had the enormously educational majority of the newspaper can be filed nicely experience of testing my own integrity this into these two categories. . past week. Through witnessing the character As a journalist, I feel my purpose and pasof certain people around me and being put sion can be summed up in one phrase: I will through various trials, I have whittled down look where nobody else looks. Sometimes the fibre of my character. that's harmful and sometimes it's beneficial, The prolific philosophical treatise, Girl but ultimately it is the honest approach. Next Door, dealt with the question "What is This statement needs some clarification. moral fibre?" To me, moral fibre comes down I am not a shit-disturber; I will not ruffle to your integrity and your ethics. feathers unnecessarily or without purpose. My In day-to-day life, you decide your ?wn intention is to provide all sides of the story level of integrity. Ultimately, this shapes what or to provide the other side of an already one-sided issue. sort of person you are. Perhaps you feel it's okay to take advantage of corporations or The funny thing about this statement is maybe it's okay to never call that boy or girl that In TOllch magazine becomes journalistiwho hid your pants last night. In the end, it cally credible. shapes who you are. The other matter is a question of outside

JUST

COFFEE

influence. Inevitably there is a party that has something to gain from influencing the journalist responsible for a story about that party. If you are influenced, then the journalistic integrity of the article is compromised. This, my wonderful readership, is why we will not let you write about the club to which you belong. imprinteic@gmail.com

ClarHications

The following corrections are with regard to the article "Cheriton deal immoral," that appeared in the November 25 edition of

Imprint: - The gift is obviously not being used to fund current fa<;ulty members, as was sarcastically stated in the third-to-last paragraph. - The line that reads " ... the majority of you won't actually benefit from this" should read " ...the funding will not go directly to undergraduate programs."

Imprint apologizes for any misunderstanOing.

fRIDA~

DECEMBER 2, 2005

S technology is Id but not inferior

luI I want for Xmas is a VCR. 'bday I went to the local HMV to ch(~ck out the cleavage on the cover t.h.e new Ashley Simpson album when I passed an elderly looking for a movie. But not just .my movie - they wanted a VI-IS movie. I overheard them asking the cashier, "Do you have the video cassette of (I think it was Sleepless in S&2itk or something)?" The dude behind the counter replied off-hand, "the DVD is over there," gesturing to a nearby rack. found the ~ " the woman staUcdhridlybeforesayingit"-DVD, but I'm. looking for the video tape v{~:rSi{QH..:;,

S he{~r bafflement struck the attendant's face, "umm, we don't carrv VHS anvmore." 'I 'he old w~man turned to her husband with a look of mild panic, then back to the cashier. "But we don't have a DVD player, we just want to buy the " she pleaded. But there was no for this elderly couple. Every mO'l'it\ 3fbum and 1V series in the store was OD some f()fm of disk. VHS to DVD. There, I DVD8 are just a way to get us to new hardware then re-buy our old movies. IJVDs are supposedly longer lasting, hut one scratch llnd that's it - the disc is tonto"\:, 1 need a medium iliat is tough ("tK)lJJ;;tl to withstand my rock 'em and "'OCR ;~c:rn lifestyle. VHS tapes take a lickir~ and heeD on ticking. You can scratch th~ h ed;:: flu't of them 'A1thout damaging the m01ri~ within so long as you avoid that Uttle brown tape at the bottom,

Furthermore, all but the worst damage will pass eventually. Sometimes one must endure crappy picture or sound for a minute but it will typically pass. A DVD scratch usually means getting up, examining the disk and skipping the damaged chapter. Did I mention you might have to stand up? Wben I put on a movie, I only stand up to pee. It's not something I can afford any confusion around. DVDs also supposedly have better picture and sound <'luality. Movies are certainly clearer, but is that necessarily better? Audio CDs have dearer sound, but most people who actually care about music know records are better due to their more natural sound. VHS feels more natural. Watching a DVD feels like looking out a window, where VHS actually feels like one is watching a movie. Ahh, the slight fuzziness, the occasional crackle of the audio track, even when there's nothing happening on screen . - both the hallmarks of a true movie-watching experience. The fact that it feels slightly fake is important. Plus, all the clarity in the world doesn't make a difference when all you have is a crappy 19··inch TV Then there are those stupid special features they tack on the second disk. That stuff is garbage designed to suck a person's life away. Watching a movie used to take roughly two hours. Now we spend an extra three hours watching the "making-of" documentaries and cast profiles of even the crappiest film. Sure, occasionally they'll put something coolon the second disk but it is not worth the time you \vasted to End it. AV\~ but who am I kidding, we all just download anyway. dhutz@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

A NEW TERM APPROACHES TOO DOES A NEW TEAM OF IMPRINT EDITORS

I Alamenciak misinformed on Cheriton deal;

donation will benefit undergraduates

~-~ ~.~--"'-'"

"'=-'"

,.....

--~~--

I am writing to request that Tim Alamenciakretract his editorial appearing in the November 25 issue of Imprint titled "Cheriton deal immoral." While a campus newspaper may be the best forum for controversial opinions to be printed, these opinions are only valid when based on fact. In the article, Alamenciak presents a number of statements as fact that are, in fact, fiction. In the third-to-last paragraph of the piece Alamenciak makes mention that the gift will be used to pay the gasoline bills of faculty members. This is obviously untrue as Dr. Cheriton's gift has been earmarked for faculty fellowships, research chairs and graduate scholarships. In fact, no portion of the gift will be paid out to current univer·· sity faculty. Further, Alamenciak asserts that "the majority" of the readership will not benefit from Dr. Cheriton's gift. I am not sure if he is aware, but faculty fellowships and research chairs attract the best minds to l)W: Those minds will teach undergraduate classes. If you believe that University of \1V'aterloo students do not deserve to be taught by the leading minds in computer science, I ask that Alamenciak make his next editorial about why that is the case. Further, the reputation of our university is

bolstered by the presence of these minds. Reputation results in investments in our students, sponsorship of our expansion projects and support from our governments. Finally, Alamenciak sarcasrically notes that \X'aterloo "is richer, and that's all that matters." Uw, being a relatively young university, has little in the way of endowed funds and relies more than competing schools on tbe support of alumni so that its students may thrive. As for Alamenciak's analogy that the acceptance of Dr. Cheriton's gift is equatable to being anally raped, I End it to be both inaccurate and in extreme poor taste. As editor-tn-chief of UW's campus paper, Alamenciak is supposed to be an impartial representative of student opinion. As a major source of information for the undergraduate population,

Alamenciak's inaccuracies may have soured many students on an occasion where they should feel excited for the both future of their studies and the ever-increasing quality of their degree. Alamenciak's article undermines the efforts of both Dr. Cheriton and the staff of UW's development office -- people who work tirclessly to secure funds for students at Uw. While Imprint has, in the past, been an excellent forum for inspired debate, controversial opinions and heartfelt' appeals to jus rice, Alamenciak's carelessness has rendered his opinion untenable and irresponsible. As a result of this lack of research, foresight and responsibility, I ask that Alamenciak retract his article and consider real research for his next piece. -

Michael Duffy 4A English

EUCHRED

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FRIDAY, DECEMBER 2,

200~

Gay stereotypes sometimes useful Well, it's that time of year again -- "The Holidays." The time of eggnog, pine trees, gaiety and snowmen --.- not to mention shopping without showing any notion of restraint! Yes, I can honestly say that the holiday season wakes up some little part of me deep inside that screams "I absolutely must take part in rampant consumerism!" and will not let up until I've completely axed my fond budget for the first two months of the new year. Am I simply embracing my inner Paris-1-mton -slash -.1 ack-from - Will-and-Grace? Possibly, but it is certainly embracing the stereotypes tbat surround gay men.

The stereotypical gay guy is seen frequently in the entertainment media and typically as your comic relief. Jack, of course, is absolutely infamous for this, but there are many more besides him. They are all, by and large, lisping, effeminate things with a fascination with fashion, sex, shopping and decor, and who can frequently be heard saying "fabulous!", all the while holding down a job in a Starbucks. This, of course, is nowhere near an exhaustive list of all of the stereotypes that surround gay men and gay culture, but they're some of the top ones and the vast majority of those are usually ascribed to your Hollywood-ized gay guy. Beyond these fictional characters, there are many, many real-life gay guys who also ascribe to some of these stereotypes. The question is "why?" Stereotypes are typically viewed as negative things, so why would someone purposefully adopt these personality traits? This was a question that was posed to

versus "FelDale" or "Gay" versus "StrailYht" - that people actively ~ork to change ~lleir own personalities to fit within what they believe that label represents. If you are a person who has come to the realization that you are gay and you beieve that being "Gay" involves all of those st¢eotypq, then in order to tty and fit inside lOur label and your cultural identity, you maystart to lisp every so often. You may bleach your hair within an inch of its life. You may pusue a job at Starbucks. You may start ogling the guys around you at every opportunity. And this is in 110 way a bad thing! Aittle bit of conformity can definitely help "hen you are still new to the realization that you are different from the rest of the herd. Itmay continue to fuel the stereotypes that created Jack and his TV personality peers, but they are our stereotypes, and when they aren't helping us adjust, we may as wen enjoy them.

me by two different people this week and it took me a while to wrap my head around it and come up with some sort of reasonable answer. The first thing that struck me was the fact that "playing up your gay side" is, at times, really quite a lot of fun. There is good reason why so many of the gay characters in TV and movies lisp and constantly wear their inner drama queen on their sleeve ... it's not only rather entertaining to act outrageously, but also entertaining to watch. If you're going to be treated differently by "the majority," then you may as well enjoy being the minority. This, of course, is the simple and easy answer. It accounts for the reason why some gayguysgooutof their way to be flamboyant, but certainly not all of them. For many others, the answer is quite different: gay men act out the gay stereotypes to try and fit in. There is such pressure in society to adapt yourself to a label - whether those labels be "Liberal" versus "Conservative," "~fale"

gbarclay@imprint.uwaterioo.ca

Federal election draws near as a cold Canadian winter looms

WelJ, it's officially election time in Canada!

The ,vtit has been dropped and Canadians will trek through the snow on January 23 to elect --- if polls are any indication .._- another m-inority government. Barely 17 months have passed since the last election and now it's an happening again.

The big question is, will Canadians opt for a Liberal minority propped up by the left--leaning New Democrats or an Alliance Conservative Reform (whatever) minority propped up by that gang we all love - the separatist Bloc Quebecois? I, for one, would prefer the former. Quebec separatists sharing government in Ottawa is most unappealing -- as is the prospect of more Conservatives wreaking havoc on our country. In light of the amazing Liberal success story D.~at has been the last 12 years, the Conservatives have crafted their platform to be dose to that of the Liberals - in order to dispel the notion of their "hidden agenda."

When you live at the Waterloo Co-operative Residence, you get benefits that you just can't find e/sewflore:

.. Lower residence fees .. Walking distance to both campuses .. A variety of flexible meal plans .. On-site laundry and maintenance .. Regular organized social events .. Inclusive and diverse membership .. AND, most important of all - a say in how residence works - every dayl

It remains to be seen whether this approach will work. It seems to me that such actions smack of desperation and a hunger for power rather than a genuine moderation within the Conservative Party. It's only the first week of the campaign and already there's controversy! Conservative leader Stephen Harper has announced that he would be willing to put himself and his social conservative backbenchers above the law in this country, revoke or suspend human rights, forcibly override legitimate court rulings and radically alter the definition of marriage to -- get this -- restrict it to heterosexual couples! Constitutional schola.rs and legal experts insist that Harper cannot make such a move \,'ithout invoking the Notwithstanding Clause of the Constitution -- that is, suspend human fights - and that even if he does so it may not be possible to destroy the definition of However, this won't be the tion issue. The economy as of lower debt, lo\yer unemployment, lower interest rates and lower taxes relative to the last time the Conservatives held the reigns of power. In addition, a Conservative win could lead to the potentially disastrous scenario of a Quebec referendum being fought a federal government with zero seats in Quec bt:c - no seats equals no say. \Vhy should Quebecers listen to a federal government that doesn't understand how they feel? At least the Liberals have sizeable popularity in Quebec ..._.- the Conservatives aren't even on the radar screen. Consider wheth€f we wanted an election in the first place. Canada faced the prospect some months ago, but a deal with the socialist New Democratic Party saved Martin's gov·ernment. Now, the opportunity was available again for the NDP to work with the Liberals to make a good budget for Ca.nada, but they

got cold feet and decided to join with Stepben Harper to trigger an election. Still, a recent poll showed that NDP leader J lick Layton i s trusted the most by followed closely by Prime Minister Ma.rtin. Harper and Bloc leader Gilles Ducepp,~ behind. Forcing Canadians to vote in the winter could spell trouble for those who caused it. The Martin government was exonerated by Judge Gomery's why do we need an election? It's a tn,'p"'rH-' co~clusion for many analysts that, I-Iarper lose this election, he will be out as party leader in short order, Perhaps liarper is sick of the loser leader of a loser party wants out. This election is his opp(;rtu~ity to escap'" and time with his

elt:ctlon to re-elect the M'm'·'·~'~ --'j-,~""p" Harper's life casic)" wants more New Dcmo,:rats elected. wants mote BIo· quistes elected. Harper is an angry man an angry party -- and aU is power. Even leading tive Ralph Klein predicted another Harper as too far to the The response from Tory Peter MacKay was that Klein have his mouth "duct taped." Even the Conservatives don't think win -- do they deserve your vote? But wait, there's no need to make your decision yetl Wait and check out the platforms. Taxes, the Iraq war, gay Kyoto - we all have opinions on these issues. Get involved! Volunteer for a campaign. (it's great for your resume). See you on the campaign trail! mjohnson@imprint.uwaterioo.ca

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PIUDA짜. DECEMBER 2, 2005

oldplay is on top of the music world for now Presley, the Beatles and the Sex Pistols defined a generation but modern rock tn' rol/lacks staying power

Coldplay, with their catchy piano riffs and understated vocals, are on top of the music world right now. Their popularity is evident in their ability to dr'AW hoards of screaming fans to soldont shows on their recent North American tour, one of which I had the opportunity to attend. Their energy was quite apparent from the g<.:t-go and the crowd roared back with equal intensity. Chris Martin, the brains behind the prociqction, served us with musical moods ~h:at ranged from mellow to forceful; it was entertaining evening to say the least and it a show that was really good - perhaps really, really good. B\Jtitwas not great. In fact, itwas far from Thus they were not unlike literally every other rock band on the planet. And that sucks. Rock 'n' roll has served us some of the lasting melodies that have defined generahut more importantly it has always been The genre as a whole has for '-ie',.,,,,.,.., been a dynamic entity. Elvis Presley, the first true rock star, became an overnight sensation with not only his cool creations bllt also his swinging hips, which at tht: tiule caused a huge censorship debate.

A decade later, the Beatles and their mop tops revolutionized music by writing and performing their own music. They did it again with their movement into sound engineering and development. Fifteen years after that, Johnny Rotten and the boys from the Sex Pistols shook the world with their angry lyrics and simplistic rhythms in the punk movement. Finally, Kurt Cobain and Nirvana woke the rock scene from the depths of the '80s with dirty guitar riffs that epitomized the grunge movement of the early '90s. All bands and performers, in the context of the world in which they left their marks, progressed the sound of rock 'n' .roll and were truly great in terms of the musical revolution that arose from their exposure.

fact that rock bands of today (even the best ones) lack either the talent or the credibility - or both - to take that next step into greatness. When Robert Plant emphatically screams "to be a rock and not to roll" nearing the end of the claim of "Stairway," I'm sure he had no idea the irony that he ~ight be describing of the state of rock music since the turn of the millennium, one that has lost that ever elusive coolness factor. If bands in new rock are ever to leave a mark on society like many of their predecessors, it needs a shake-up of Elvisian proportions. And if you ever saw dips of Presley and his waistline near the end of his career, you know that has to be huge. kruch@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

IAR fliEI Dude, I don't know if I coo handle this! The open mic bar sucked, The Vampyre was a bust - I'm really starting to get alarmed.

I mean, things Clf'e starting to spin out of control! r can't even think straight! We need to find a way back into OUI" old bar! What are we going to do, man? What are we going to do?!1

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

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Neither Coldplay nor any other rock band in the world today (sorry Bono) can claim to have made an equal contribution. The legacy they leave, albeit impressive at the current time, is not permanent. You only need to turn on the radio to get that idea - how much of the music being played was released over two years ago? Although I don't know specific figures, I would think it's miniscule. At the same time, Led Zeppelin'S "Stairway to Heaven," a song released back in 1971, is still being requested on radio stations throughout the western world - because it is a great song. How many Coldplay songs are still going to be requested 34 years from now? It is my assertion that the total will be considerably smaller merely because of the

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Wow, I never would have th0\.i9ht of that. Call it a night and go bock tomorrow.

...and that's

why 짜ou'r'e

not allowed to make decisions.

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

Canadian identity exists To the ~ditor; I'd like to raise a point or two about Kaleb Ruch's opinion piece, ''What does it really mean to be Cana..dian?" He admits that Canadians share basic and fundamental values on a national level such as our concern for human rights, peacekeeping, health and the arts. He is, however, concerned that his no longer possible to easily define all Canadians across the nation. There is no political party that dominates across the provinces, there is no strong culture which easily identifies a Canadian, no strong traditions compared to say an Irish or an Indian. Well I think that's fucking great! It's what makes us unique in our own right and in my opinion shows incredible maturity as a country. There is no dominating religion, political party, culture, race or tradition. We are perhaps the most level-headed and open-minded nation on the planet, where different cultures are encouraged and protected, yet no tradition is forced. The only thing which unites us are the basic and fundamental values which you mentioned earlier and honestly that's the best possible thing which should ever unite a nation.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 2, 2005

Secondly, he says Canadians are timid and embarassed about their nationality because they don't run around waving the flag and singing o Canada every chance they get. He worries that if we don't change our ways, we risk "losing our identity." Timid? Maybe. Embarassed? No way. Why would you need to excessively wave a flag of Canada in Canada surrounded by Canadians? I wear Canadian gear if I'm out of the country, but inside? I'd like to think we're not so insecure as to resort to flag-waving just to remind us of our national identity. We know who we are and there is no reason to run around yelling it out, unless we're reallY excited about something, like the international hockey tournament Kaleb mentions. That attitude in itself shows a great maturity in the average Canadian.

- Omar Chaudry 4B math & accounting To the opportunist To the editor, Hey, opportunist! I'm not really sure why my beat-up wallet, brown leather with duct tape trim, attracted you. There it was, lying innocuously on a couch in the SLC while I ran to the bathroom late in the afternoon

on Friday, November 25. Something about the scuffed and faded leather must have caught your eye, because you took it (but thank you for sparing my digital caq:lera and new shoes). I must admit, I'm distraught. Besides the hassle of having to replace all of my identification (which, ironically, is difficult without at least two pieces of photo ID), I lost an old friend and a lot of faith. Mywallethas been to three continents and seven countries with me; we parted ways once but a kind seven-year-old found it and my back pocket rejoiced. There wasn't really anything of value in there - my Watcard has a balance of 67 cents and I know how to cancel credit cards faster than you could have gotten to a store. Sure, there are some photobooth snapshots of my boyfriend and I kissing and in my ISIC photo I look sort of cute, but there's nothittg juicy enough to sell. Frankly, I'm just hurt. I thought that Waterloo was about diversity, being able to trust and respect your fellow students in a passionate academic environment. Yet instead of learning about the values and virtues of my peers, I am taught that I should expect an atmosphere of mistrust and suspicion. Must I now wonder, every time I see a fellow student lounging in the

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SLC, "Was it that guy? Or her over there?" I don't want that. I want to trust people. I want to believe in good Samaritans and happy endings and human decency. So I'll hope that you took my wallet thinking that it was lost and that you're so busy with papers and studying for exams that you haven't had a chance to give it to Police Services yet. Ultimately, I will replace my cards and find a new wallet to wear out and tape back together. But I don't want to live in the sort of society where I can't leave that wallet alone for a few minutes.

- Meaghan King

2AERS Shame on the CCC . To the editor, . Pornography addiction and the objectification of women in pornographyare serious issues that need to be addressed. It was very disappointing to see the Campus Crusade for Christ exploit these topics with their Porn. Nation Presentation to forward their anti-sex agenda. Does anyone else see the irony in a club fighting sexism in pornography while promoting a sexist religion: " ... the women should keep silence in the churches. For they are not permitted to speak, but should be subordinate, as even the law says. If there is anything they desire to know, let them ask their husbands at home. For it is shameful for a woman to speak in church." (1 Cor. 14:34-35) Obviously both the CCC and Michael Leahy are very concerned about sexism. Maybe Mr. Leahy's "inability to • formmeaningfulmaturere1ationships" withwomenwascaused by the Christian values quoted above, then again maybe riot; but it seems about as reasonable as blamingpornography. Furthermore, maybe the CCC should be making an effort to fix sexism in Christianity before it expands to other areas. The question of whether porn is addictive or not is a difficult one that delierves to be examined; however, the results are compromised when the CCC are using them to promote their own unrelated beliefs. If the CCC is going to present one perspective of the argument, they should have the decency to bring in an opposing view. It seems like anyone who's opinion clashes with the CCC's will not be heard in this one-sided discussion. The CCC's actions are in poor taste and insulting to feminists, women, pornographers and their fellow Christians. Porn Nation can be added to the Crusade's long list of blunders ranging from Michael Coren's media bias rant to Byron propaganda.

-CamGrqy 2A computer sdet!ce Get better puzzles, Impt'int To the editor; I am complainingaboutlastweek's

Imprintand the lack of puzzles. First off there is no crossword or Sudoku. Those are the only really good things in the paper. Secondly the so called "Get Lost" puzzle was a joke. You can clearly see how to get from one end to the other as they are right beside each other. Having not taken a look at it, I lost a bet to a colleague by saying

that they could not finish this puzzle in 10 minutes. So I offer a dollar to the person who could get this dqne in the next 10 minutes and - wlltat do you know - 10 seconds I4er someone comes to me and is qke here you go. I I take a look at it and it was actually that simple. So I would ijke . you to know that this week's isSue sucked and I hope that you will put in next week's the crossword and the Sudoku and maybe try to make the stupid little maze puzzle somewhat more difficult so I can win back my damn dollar.

- Jason Smith 1B computer science "Get Lost" should get lostl To the editor, Page 13 of last Friday's Inprint was like watching your cat get hit by a car - twice. Nobody saw it coming, except for the manical moustachioed berserker of a sadist who laughed as he rolled over Muffin, then ~fittens, then backed up to make sure he got the Sudoku and crossword flattened against the asphalt too. Putting numbers in little squares then doing the same thingwith letters in even littler squares brings more pleasure than should be allowed, giving my Friday classes a tangy ~ip. Consequently, page 13 and the surrounding area is currently serving as a fly swatter with moderate success, although the insect guts have blocked my passage in the maze. . I tried, I really did, to make the best of the situation, butitwas only so long before I felt the need to climb a hell tower with a violin case. Please don't take away my Sudoku and crossword again. Think of the flies. . As for Mansell's "Get Lost::i it should get lost! ~AdamKafai

2A chemistry Way to go, Jas! To the editor, I have been very impressed by Jas Banwait's articles. A few weeks ago she wrote an article about sixpack abs. I just wanted to share: my step-sister struggles with body image and I would go so far as to say is anorexic. She does the treadmiJI for at least two hours a day, and does weights on top. She does have amazing eight pack abs, but I worry about her long-term health. For me, fitness should .be about balance and health - not just looks -,- and also balance between body, mind and spirit. The one thing you can be absolutely sure of in your life is change. It's the only thing that never changes. The law of nature is that you either grow or you die; there's no in-between. Hey, it's not enough to be growing and looking great just because you work out. That's only a small part of your life. What about your emotions, -spirituallife, family, friends, career, hobbies? Aie they growing as your body does? Become a complete person and not a great-looking version of an incomplete person. There's way more to life than just working out.

- Steven McEVf!Y 3A religiDus studies

DECEMBER 2, 2005

is the besl use lor

"s. . is best during the day

te,bIhi people." Ta~nJ,ong 28 manhematics

". was attacked by a squirrel once and I threw snow at it to get rid of it." Eleni Kyritsis 2AEnglish

Across 1. Have possession 4. City that was under siege by ATF 8. Crimean river 12. Operatic solo 13. Visual representation 14. You need three a day 15. Unhealthy atmosphere 16. People possessed by demons 18. Musical group with strings 20. Spelling 21. Abbreviated until 22. Sixth note in major or minor scale 23. Airplane meal for rabbis 24. Number of football players on the field 26. Introduce a cliche . 28. Basque freedom party 29. Dissolution of cells 30. Iron curtain made of concrete 31. SIrutn brown bird 32. Artificial intemationallanguage 35. Dental or hydroelectric 38. Southeastern Polish city 39. Shortened reconnaissance 43. Geological epoch 44. A substance that can be consumed 45. Sounds through the nose 46. Count up the population 48. The month is almost over 49. Songs performed on stage 50. Resident of Iowa 51. A suspension of hostilities 54. Cover the eyes 56. Musical compositions 57. Squeeze in 58. This.Scandinavian contrived the death of Balder 59. Site of the Trojan war 60. Makers of corporate jets 61. Formerly greater Cptrununist;. Russia .' " . 62. Mfirmative answer

Down 1. Prophets and seers 2. Secret hope 3. Anonymous 4. Horizontal side 5. Maple tree genus

30. Shortened we have

31. Sufferings 33. Positive asset 34. Broad satire 35~ Measurement of sound intensity 36. Circular area around nipples 37. A manner characteristic of humans 40. Majority of the Vegas skyline 41. Ministers and priests 42. Rulers of Ferrara c. 1250 44. Underwrite 45. Rejections 47. More reasonable 48. Low point of the cycle 51. Pidgeon calls 52. Purple coloured service club 53. Golf's warning call 55. Don't catch it from a bird

6. Deep sleep 7. John Lennon's last wife 8. Arabic chieftains 9. Fetish material 10. Jungle knife 11. John Kerry last year 12. Flippantly spoken 15. Roadside hotel

17. Sun's zenith 19. Sanitorium 23. Porcelain oven 25. Competes for something

26. Christmas song 27. Patron saint of Norway

More sudoku than you can handle, this puzzle requires you to use all the letters of the alphabet (except Z) in each row, column and squate without repeats.

windows."

"To immediately chill my loins." Jivan Ranshai

NadaDiasty

3A computer science

'1"I'mtwlng snowballs through open residence

2A psydlology

R F S T T V H X J L

K M G

itt

N M

"'Coot your bong." lVk!nny Hundal & Kv,'le Faulkner

"Snow forts: domination of all places icy and cold!" Adam T. Lund

2A AFM & 2A sociology

1A arts & business

N~)vember 18 sudoku solution

4- 1 1 9 I 9 2 6 5 3 8 S 8 4 1 2 4 1 3

6 9 1 3 4 9 1 5 3 6 1 2

5 7 4 2 9

3 8 6 4 5 1 1 9 2 9 6 3 8 1 5 8 5 6 2 7 4 6 1 3 5 2 8 9 2 8 1 4 7 5 4 1 6 3 9

November 18 crossword solution

R X

P A Y

J H E 0 Y

C I T

W B X

W L P

G J 0

A N

I L

V H M A S I L 0 R X 0 L Y 0 E P G T Q W U K F H A B Q 0 K M E U Y B G L C T K B M K X H D P G M N J F S 0 H W I F E I C U V

H K B Q Y G N J N 0 G X F W X K U I K V A P E M A C J H D H X I R U B I P 0 X J K 0 C V I G Q T F 0 W N F A K

W 0 Q Y T C H N I N S P T F B V C M

E H

Y V

U T

G C F J

0 E

Q Q

Q K T W

G L

J N B

P R S U K F Q V E K L P M W I B Y C S 0 J L U E Q D W T 0 B M K P G E B M J L U 0 K M A F Y W N S L W G B F T X W R P Y S T V J R

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 2, 2005

features@:imprint.uwater!oo.ca Features Editor: Bryan Carne\' Features .Assistant: Kernet Bahlibi

I g t hy notiz d by

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Imprinter recounts tales of male strippers, oral sex, orangutan humping and his pet pig named Oinker the end of the test around two dozen students' hands (and in some cases arms) were shaking uncont.rollably. After releasing their hands oneby-one on stage, Lee performed a few more tests to discover the most susceptible people. Dp until now the show had been a warmup; the real humour began to appear \vhen Lee hypnotized all the guys to think they were

Salim Eteer

and cherished. Lee then took their piglets and performed horrific acts on them. Instead of being in the city, Lee took Babe, the pig, to town (anally). After massacring five or six piglets, he then made the rest of them disappear (including my little Oinker, *tear*). The main highlights of the show I was lucky enough not to be personally involved in

might be carrying. He then hypnotized some of the male volunteers to think their mouths were vaginas and then persuaded them to put How does it feel? Do you know what you're the tampons in their mouths. doing? Is it real? When the show came to an end, Lee left No, these aren't questions I have been asked his impression on all of his volunteers. Upon while having sex! These are all questions that walking out of Fed Hall, I had taken off my bombard you after volunteering to be hypnoboxers and placed them on my head as a toque. tized. Coincidentally, I had Tony Lee, a hypbeen wearing boxers notist that specialthat: had a Christmas izes in moving his present design af}.d "victims" into comfcalured the words "Ij>o mitting extremely not open until Chrihembarrassing acts, mas." Scores of peo~k Fed Hall this randomly greeted rj1e and offered to shaf>:e ;;ho\v. I mv left hand as weil, enough b~t as soon as :imyope to he one of the shook it I would ha:ve ~'vjctilns.)' an orgasm. The mulThe best com·· tiple orgasn:lS didn't parison I can make bother me in the least, for being hypnobut having them ,vhile tized is that it's like going commando is b"ing a marionette: another story. "strings" make you All '.vas 'set right to do you however, as I head,;;d wouldn't to the Bornber after do .. - while sober the show (with XPV thai is, boxers still on my hd.d) The night started and ordered a pint of out \vi th Lee greeting Keith's. However, I the c1'Owd with a few still managed to full-ill humorous phrases in the last of my postdifferent languages hypnotic suggestions; and targeting variI called everyone in ous racial groups my cellphone's address with swear words in book and quickly said their language such before hanging up, as "sharmootah," "Hey, I took it up the which means bitch ass!" in Arabic. Overall, I would Lee then got Aww, those girls are petting their imaginary pigs (top left). Isn't that cute? Tony lee (bottom left) didn't think so. He had recommend being hypthe entire crowd his way with them ... the pigs, I mean! Just like Mr. licks-a-Iot (top right) had his way with guy in white T-shirt! notized to anyone. It's involved by finding a fun, safe (if vou can those that were more subjective to hypnosis. women giving head. Personally, I am as straight were a l-,'1l)' running onto the stage and moonhandle a.ll the orgasms) and a unique experience. He instructed the assembly of students from as Herambone would be at Laurier, but even I ing the crowd whenever someone shouted I have a fe\\' tips however for all you brave souls lJ\1{.~ Wilfrid Laurier and Conestoga College to had to succumb to Lee's powers of suggestion "breakaway," a hypnotized volunteer eating out daring to go to any of Lee's shows in the future: put their palms together, interlock their fingers (the beer from the Bomber probably made a non-hypnotized friend from the crowd (both Be sure to take with you a sense of humour, while keeping the index finger and thumb on Lee's job easier). male) and a duo of hypnotized guys gettinginto an extra pair of boxers and most of all a pack each hand completely erect so that he could The show seemed to have become "soft" sexy poses while thinking they were Playboy of condoms. conduct his experiment. Lee told the students when the participants were hypnotized to bunnies. On another note, Lee persuaded ladies to grab thcir hands as hard as they could and by imagine they had pet piglets that they loved in the crowd to throw him any tampons they seteer@imprint.uwaterloo.,ca IMPRINT STAfF

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How to put the right (or left) spin on politically neutral holiday paraphernalia and win over unsuspecting gues1:s Bryan Carney IMPRINT 5T AFF

Our federal politicians know it's political death to ram themseh:es down our throats over the holidays, iu~t as it would likely be social death to start debates amongst friends and family around the Christmas tree yourself. ' I-iowever, for the politically concerned, there is far too much on the line this coming election to forgo dle pedagogy, which is exactly why you have to resort to something similar to the campaigning that's not campaigning that will undoubtedly be done by all parties over Christmas. Luckilv, the holiday season is loaded ,vith symbolis~1 that can ~bc manipulated subtly to broadcast hidden but meaningful political tnessages. And for your reading pleasure, here are a few of them:

Gift Giving A little coloured wrapping can go a long way here. Jjberal-red gift-\vrapping probably won't look out of tlle ordinary (to the Grits' advantage?), if that is your agenda, but deep conservative blue or bright green and orange it ia NDP are sure to grab a subliminal eye or two from beneath a stacks of gifts. A jack-in·die·box might do more harm than good if you're trying to champion i\1r. Layton, but he'd probably still be happy to be included in the hidden debate. Like\vise of Lego-men if you're trying to boost Harper and perhaps "].c." (no tn.atter which J-C you're referring to) emblazoned golf balls if you're trying to get the Liberals past scandalous times -- perhaps not the greatest ideas.

Decoration Prominent.Mrs. Claus action figures every'\vhere

'With a conspicuously absent Santa should. st.a.rt your guests k-<lningHiward Even better, tIle happily'\v-ed Santll and Richard Claus duo can be created with some differentiating beard dye or jeweUet): Food A hearty Alberta steak would probably help put Harper in mind, if indirectly through Stockwell Day, just as well as potato grits would recall J\fr. Martin and soup· kitchen stew would help call to mind Jack Layton.

Music It would be a lot easier if Canadian parties used already famous campaign theme songs like in the States, (Paul Martin seemed oh-so-close to getting one from Bono) however, since they use obscure ones mostly, we'll have to do a little American/English translating. Bruce Springsteen has long been allied widl the A.merican democrats, most recently lend-

ing his song "Surrender" to John Kerry's 2004campaign. The Canadian analogue to Springsteen WOl del have to be Neil Young; both play harmonic as, "Shaky" is a rough Cam.dian equivalent to "The Boss" in term.s of our respective vie,ys of one another. The Republican to Conservadve conv'~r sion is a bit trickier. Bush was apparently fond of landing at campaign stops last election in a heli~opter amidst blaring "Top Gun" theme mUSIc.

The closest thing north of the bOJ"der "'(.Rlld be t.~e Roval Canadian Air Farce theme, or pc':thaps wilatever they used in the .AvroArrow heritage moment. Do a little research then make your Ndl Young or obscure Canadian theme ~omposer mix CD to win over unsuspecting muzak listt'n. ers to your political yjews. bcarney@imprint.uwaterloo;ca

FJUDAY. DECEMBH{ 2, 2005

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Sabrina Bowman and friends finally find a restaurant worthy of four Imprint stars

Rainbow Caribbean Cuisine King East Kilchener 2l~

**** unexpected visit from a friend from out of town took me to the of downtown Kitchener a Sunday lunch. On his suggesI, along with two of his other went to Rainbow Caribbean (:nisine on King Street, near the bus i}il

Rainbow is located in a small plaza downtown Kitchener. The room h fJ1nch like any VOLl would fi.nd in the university pia;'a, with chairs and tllblc5 and a sort of cafeteria-style Rainbow is a bit more with exposed brick, a \~'(JOden trellis and lots of lush, green plants. A few paintings of wheat ~heaf.i and coffee cups hint at a former as a cafe. Sweet reggae music serenaded uS 'while we fmmd a seat (including a bizarre but strangely catchy vetof "First cut is the deepest"). (ill Sundays, the restaurant offers a dit~er buffet. Since our stomachs weren't that but our \vallets \vere, we all »'entwith a $6.99 small dinner special, \,rhich included a choice of salad, rice peas or a piece of plantain. Some confusion ensued as we tded to figure out with the server ex,u;;tly what we were supposed to (order with him, order at the cash, around helplessly confused and i?lcn:asingly hungry). However, we eventually told him ?0fllat''lewanted and took a seat, while he· gilt the dishes together.

The face ofsa'tisfied RainbowCaribbesl1 Cuisine diners enjoying theirfinger-liekiu' good chicken. My friend Phat and his friend Chris C (henceforth to be known as C-squared - we are at 'XTaterloo after ali) ordered the curry chicken, while Chris number two and I both went for jerk chicken. Phat and I sided our meal.s W1th a bottle of ginger beer ($1.25), which was insipid and too sweet. Chris two and C-squared both chose the garden-variety macaroni salad. Phat and I went with the coleslaw, which is generally a boring salad, but this rendition was fan-

tastie. It was light on t.~e mayonnaise, sweet, fresh and crunchv and livened up by a small amo~t of black pepper. The rice and peas were quite tasty, flavoured mildly, but more interesting than most kinds you get. The beans were really tender - it's nice not to chip your teeth on undercooked heans. The jerk chicken, while nice and tender, lacked flavour and was coated with an off-putting, ketchupy hot sauce that was virtually heat-free. Chris number two, who

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had never experienced Caribbean food didn't mind the low heat level, but would have preferred more flavour. The chicken curry however, was fabulous. The chicken and potatoes were very tender, due likely to an extended period of stewing and had absorbed ail the taste of the sauce, a rich yellow curry exploding \"i.th spice. C-squared, who generaily holds a disdain for curry, saie! with enthusiasm that it was "awesome."And

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even though it was the smailest part of the dish, my favourite bit had to be the plantain (a cross betvIeen a banana and potato). It had been darkly caramelized and was toothsome and tender. \-X;'hile the service didn't particularly give us the warm fuzzies, the fantastic food and reasonable prices make the long trip to the heart 0 f downtown Kitchener \vell worth the $2.25 bus ride down King St. sbowman@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

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And trying not to plow over one another in shopping aisles Stephanie Theis IMPRINT STAFF

''Tis the season to be jolly and to make explicit \vish lists for dose friends and £'lmily to ensure you get what you really want this hohday season. Along with decking the halls, countless of us are pushing and fighting oux ways in stores tn secure wanted presents for loved ones. The wlmted products and hot tovs ate arnazing- catalysts for turning \vellintentioned people into rowdy cro\vds who trample inno(:ent bystanders. Take this year for ex.:unple, where 7J-year old Josephine Hoffman was pushed down and stepped on by several electronic-hungry members of a frenzied crowd in Sawgrass milIs, Florida. It's still 30 days before Christmas people. . As if this isn't disheartening enough, when asked what specific holiday topic to write about, one

fellow jonrnalist suggested an entire article on "How to receive and handle awkward or bad gifts." We are all familiar with the saying, "It's the thought that counts;' \,:hich roughly translates as, yeah, that's a bad gift (one that you didn't want or don't like or can't use). I too have fallen accustomed to not only thinking this about gifts received but have said this to support a disappointed friend. To avoid being disappointed, visualize how you would feel if someonew'ere iet down by a gift from you. Instead of providing several hints as to how one could handle the awkward moment of receivLflg a "bad" gift or one that YOU truly detest ---- easy enough to d~ - I think it best to focus on the meaning of this holiday season. The holiday season is about fannly, friends and blazing the yuletide in merry measure.

thankful fot shmving this of ways ---- the main one in a being gifts. . Gifts are f~ven to mal(e your spirits bright. Theyare r,yrnbols of appredacion, gratitude and love. The bottom line is, gift is not about it's about gift giver eXlbn;SSl!}rr care about It's about

is, ';'it without you."

the care, u:ndt;t the

but the presents tree as well. So, when you're dashing thj-Ol.1ll!b the snow, just takc a second and think. It's the of giving that should jinglc your bells this holiday season. stheis@imprintuwaterloC).ca

Don't know what to get that special someone? This should help! Ashley Csanady Whitney Wager

Emma Tarswell IMPRINT STAFF IMPRINT INTERN SPECIAL TO IMPRINT

like you did in grade school, we mean something nice like a scrapbook or vase. A book: This ,>,-av she can think of \,ou every time she'takes a break and ~urls up ~vith rour book.

Dad

We all know just how challenging holiday shopping can be. Amid the crowds, slow salespeople and general hustle and bustle of the holiday sea· son, shopping can go from favourite pastime to pain in the ass. So for those of you who haven't even begun or ius t have a few hard buys 1 eft, Vie are here to

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This is the biggest challenge of alL The key is to find out what your dad likes.IEhc's into do-it-yourself, give him a gift certificate for Home De .-

there is nothing dads love better than some new toy they can show off at the office. Even a book on computer8 or a l1(;W program will suffice if yom' dad is the techie type. Boyfriend Generally girls don't need help in this department. However, here are II fe\v picks of some of the classics. Co!oglle: Tins is classic and one of the best presents. Our favourite is Givenchy Blue Label for men. This smells ridiculously good -- it's almost a present for you. Clo/bes: Some guys just need help. Girlfriend

Mom

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hardest to buy for, especially moms. Let's face it, they will al, ,va),s love it no matter what you give them -- but why not try and get them something they will actually like for a change. Don't get your mom something for aroul1d . the house. Even if they say they want a new vacuum or blender it's not really a present for them. Take her out to ditmer: An mom really wants is more time with youespecially now that you're out of the house and busy with school. Make s011letbirlg":1'his is economical plus mom will really appreciate it. When we say make something, we don't mean a Popside picture frame

hand of-. ten need some:;

pot. If he likes golf, give a new club or a subscription to a golf magazine. For those of you who don't have acladv.<ith a special interest, here are a few general ideas. PUiKles: For some reason, a lot of dads really like puzzles. You can give him a book of puzzles or maybe one of those metal puzzles where you have to take the ring off. Tecl:mology: If you have the money,

help. Just because you buy lingerie, doesn't meal) you get to see it modeled. Avoid clothes for girlfriends because there is, no way to get around the size issue. lewellery: Diamonds are a girl's besl; friend. Plus nice jewellery is way more: likely to get you laid than lingerie. A1!Jthing you /fjtne11lber about lJ&r, If she said she liked an actor ot author, then get her something them because it shows you listen, Even better, something she said she's always wanted or a memento from you; relationship - say the movie; YOll saw on your first date.

See GIftS, page 11

liRIDAY. DECEMBER 2, 2005

What's the point of a resolution? Here's a list of the top New Years' resolutions that there's no point in making ~l\Ihitney Wager IMPRINT INTERN

\lI/hat is it about a new year that commands people to make a resohution about their life? Let's face it, tnost resolutions made on January 1 are not going to last past February. In 25 per cent of New Year's resolutions don't even make it past the tirst week. The reason for this is that people Set completely unattainable goals. you may be relaxing over the Christmas holidays, but that does not fnean you are going to have time to hit d1C gym more often come January \vhen work picks up again. New Year's resolutions are mis路路 lEading. Just because the number on 1"l1C end of the date changes does rnean you have to change. But must, here are the top New resolutions. weight or exercise more. out, blow $700 on a gym fm:mibet'shlp and a Zone meal pro路 ;;:nllIl. The hectic day you ha\Te, that's the ends your trips to the gym :l.nd the meal program becomes one of a waste of paper. Year after continue to buy gym emtJeltshlpS as a resolution. Gvms vulnerability and ~tart campaigns Sp,;cifically for this reason. Save y<:m[ money for the fast food vou know going to be eating next week Quit smoking or drinking. Quitting

smoking is one of the most difficult things anyone ever has to do. Making it your New Year's resolution doesn't change that. If you expect the addiction to pack up and go home come 2006, you are mistaken. In fact, the added pressure of quitting now that you have designated it as a specific resolution makes it that much less likely to be effective. Spare yourself that menacing 'I've-quit-smoking-and-haven'tslept-in-days' look and give up now. It won't work. Study more. Midterms don't appear for two months or so. By the time they have arrived, you're going to be swept up in assit,mment~ and impending exams that either you 路will forget about it completely or you will leave your resolution for finals, which has an even less chance of workL'1g. Some people can motivate u~emselves to start studying more effectively. But if you haven't picked up a textbook since eighth grade, you aren't going to start now. Get rid of debtorsavemoremoney. Sure, it's easy to say that after you have just spent hundreds of dollars on Christmas presents and you feel guilty. Soon that feeling",-jll drift away and you will be back in the bars every nigl;t. Most students are pretty thrif~' bv now, but they ?Jso have incredible d~bts hanging o;"'er their heads. Look, if you don't spend what little money you make on a drink or two, you're not going to make it through and it all will have been for nothing. That's how it goes, so don't worry about

money until you have to. New Year's creates more problems than resolutions. Looking into anyone's life, you can point out dozens of aspects that they should change. Especially after a year, looking back and realizing that you have done nothing to better your life, you start

to panic and make some out-of-reach goal that may not even be necessary in the first place. Most resolutions are ineffective and die out ,,'ithin a month or so. Barely 15 per cent of those who do make resolutions actually follow through. So for this New Year, relax. Your

resolution, no matter what it is, has a puny chance of survival, so you might as well not waste the breath. The only resolution that will benefityouin any way will benot to make any more NewYear's resolutions. wwager@imprint.uwaterioo.ca

things worth giving from page 16

Su~an

These are for friends, roommates, etc. If you know something gencraiaboutthem, but aren't sure what t~) these should be of some help. ~ihlings,

Pop Cu/tllre Jtmkie - Se.x; Dmgs {<tid COCf} PlfiJr. a low-culture manifesto Chuck Klosteman. 'BeS'JdohIFreak:\'Veallknowthem. were the ones in ",'ithdrawl last because there wasn't one in IlllNO\v they will never have to live through that pain again. Get them a Sudoku calendar- yes, they exist. Emo Kid: Her~'s a CD they xx:right actually not have: Sm:n SI1}ans by .

KEMET

Stevens.

The lvlotie .r1.ddict: Find out a mov'ie they don't have ....-.- and like - and buy it. The Gamer. Get them a ,'ideo game (duh). We suggest Shac/owol tlJeColosus

iorPS2. The Boardgame-Nut: Pop Culture Trivial Pursuit 2 (this could also dualas a gift for the Pop Culture Junkie) Jafo-bet Girl Gift: Spa stuff, like bubble bath, facials etc. from the likes of the Body Shop and Lush. Stge-bet Guy Gift Beer. Atry normal Canadian: Hockey tickets.

last Friday brought early glad tidings to students outside Modern languages, when they enjoyed free soup, bread and brownies given out by the nonMprofit group Food Without Bombs. The organization, believes in the accessibility of food for everyone as a human right, and was serving on campus in honour of "Buy Nothing Day," an opportunity to reflect on one's spending choices during one of the busiest shopping days of the year. Above, members Heather Anderson, laird Herbert, Hugh Carkner, Michelle Hur, and Katelyn Hall show off their sign following the event, which they felt was a satisfying - and delicious - success.

acsanady@imprint.uwaterloo.ca wwager@imprint.uwater!oo.ca

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arts@impl1ut.uwarerloo.i:a Arts Editor: Dan BarloW Arts Assistant: .Angelo Florendo

Planet Crazy is way out of this world Indie comicbook by UW student Jeff Maus refreshing take on an age-old art form

JeffMlilus Escape from Planet Crazy lndapendelltly published by Jeff Maus

Escape jivm Pkmet Crav' is a comic book by a man who bate'S comics.Jeff J\faus, the book'swriret, artist and publisher, doesn't believe in two-page spreads or computerized text. Straight ccif,res, perspective md adherence to the humm figure are nowhere to be found in the artvlOrk and you can target about the boxes you've come to expect from co:mics, J\Iaybc that's what makes it so good. 11,e story tacuses on actor 'lbdd .tYIasterson, who Dirk Stanley in a series of movies so that filming of its 30!hinstaJlment has recently begun. Masterson is readily identified as a doomed hero, as readers are greeted with the front page headline, "Verdict: lns~ne." During filming of the latest in the "Space Allegiance" series, Masterson kills a stuntman dressed as an alien, believing that he is an actual extraterrestrial. Following his career from childhood star to asylum patient, Escape from Plrmet Cra;'Y unravels the motivations for Jlvfasterson's crime as well as his personal descent into madness. It tells the familiar tale of a man too naive to notice he's being manipulated by his most trusted friends while at the same time succumbing to the temptations of celebri1):

Tambourine: Bocce bash Grad Housee Continued from cover

Todd wants desperately to be in the spotlight, but in Hollywood the only thing worse than being ignored is becoming an overnight success. Money comes quickly, but so do the women and drugs. In a series of candid photographs, Masterson is seen having sex atop piles of money, mountains of fan-mail and, yes, even on a collection of promotional action figures. What's more important - or perhaps more entertatning- than Todd's success is his fall from grace. The constant drug use forces l\-Iasterson to talce pharmaceuticals in order to continue filming, a circle of logic that quickly transforms into a do'>vnward spiral. The bulk of the comic centres on Masterson's stay in the insane asylum, where the lines between reality and delusion blur. Todd's perceptions are portrayed to the reader directly, as if viewing the story from his own eyes. "Nursatron" robots and wolf-men monsters supervise thc facility, which is nm by the evil Dr. Octacious. Tremors during shock therapy are distorted into fits of spaceship turbulence. J\faus, a history major at lJ\'q, has worked previouslywith paintingand short films so his approach to comics is notal;ly different. The figures are drawn with a child~like minimalism tllat, instead of seemingovL't-simplisric, conveys the emotional essence of each scene. Though his characters are drawn simply enough, the layouts are fantastically complex. Background details and idiosyncrasies provide the reader with a \vide-open canvas. Bounding boxes arc used sparingly but it's done with subtlety when needed, such as the use of posters as a timeline for Masterson's career. Each page st.ands alone as its own piece and the reader is encouraged to remain and search throughout certain sections, absorbing aU the details that shed light on tlle mystery and misforttme surrounding l\-fasterson's crime. Escape fmm Planet CraiJ is a wonderfully done independent comic with refreshing am"bition. .Maus' separation from the 'world of modern comics gives his work a surprising anlount of originality and the story he's writren is distressing yet poignant The book is now being sold at the lJW bookstore. Curious comic readers or fans of indie comics shouldn't hesitate to pick it up. --Angelo Florendo

With Ong solemnly manning the keyboards, Salamone working the effects -- and sporting crazy facial expressions - and Bond providing the drumming, Bocce entertained us with songs from their Muscle Memory EP Their songs, rhythmically centred, had a hypnotizing feel that made you want to dance, but all you could do was groovily sway from left to right. '~ man, a plan, a canal: Panama!" was extragroovalicious. About halfway through, the band took a quick few minutes to get up close and personal with the crowd with a quesrion and answer session. Ong confessed to liking the colour purple even when not asked and was speechless when asked why one key on his keyboard was "sticking out like that." We think he was really happy to see us. The band, much like the audience, got really into the act, with Salamone drumming on my head during the song "Two." We even got treated to "The black ice cream song," a cover of the Mountain Goats, during which the crowd manically shouted "Woo!" every rime Salamone waved his drumsticks at them. Although the songs felt a bit empty without lyrics, they made up for it with their awesome names. One of our personal favourites: "Bare Clause Rhymes With Bear Claws." It was evident that Bocce put a lot of effort into their work; their infectious songs worked perfectly with their "arts and crafts." The flyers advertising the show had connect-

the-dot penguins that were all individually coloured ... with crayons. Theirtambourin(:s were spray painted gold with the band's narrle displayed across the top and yarn hangi!J!g off the sides. The best of all, however, was their cO packaging- a meticulously folded magazit1e ad, like something pulled from a Nationial Geographic and padded with a page ripped out of a novel. Which novel you ask? Full House. Yes, the one with the creepy Olsen twins. Even if Bocce had surprised us and turned out to be a Backstreet Boys COV(~r band, (which, thankfully they were far frotll - this statement may not necessarily reflect the opinion of both writers) they stiil would have earned mega cool points. In fact, they earned a total of 2.36 million points, with extra gains from the funkaliciOlts song names, liking the colour purple, cray~n penguins and singing a song about ice crean1. Some points were lost for not having lyrics, us almost getting cut up by flying tambourir:te shards and having to trek the agonizing distance to the Grad House from the Imprint office through a ravaging blizzard. So check out their l'vf.uscle AieniOry EP or better yet, go see them live playing with Caribou on December 10 at the Starlight. Trust us, if Bocce were anv cooler we'd fix global warming forever. Oh, and thM penguin is mighty cute, too. kbahlibi@imprint.uwaterloo.c:a jangda@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Tony Salomone (left), the man with the crazy facial expressions and fellow bandmate Mike Bond (right) compete in stick-waving.

FRIDAY. DECEMBER 2, 2005

Part II: Don't kill the messenger SERIAL

FICTION "Er..." Erin began, "That looks like it might be important." She pointed towards the large symbol of Baal on the floor of the tomb. "That;' .Mike said, "sounds like the understatement of the century." The two prowled around it, investigating, poking at it and otherwise hoping to make something happen: nothing did. "Well this is stupid." Erin said, frustrated. "After all of this, we get stuck on the last part." .Mike glanced closer at the symbols at the four points of the symbol. had four lines on it, that didn't m;!.l:ch the lines of tbe main He gave one of the symbols trying to turn it. It moved. lIe cried, "\Ve can linc them with main symbol. Maybe that'll something!" lined up aU the symbols and stood back expectantly: nothThough once the were in place, tl1.ey could {jepn~ssed. However, no anlOunt them caused anything we have to step on them order or something." Erin

be .... it feels kinda wrong." 'What?" 'Well, what if we stepped on them to form the sign of the cross?" They looked at each other a moment and moved to the part of the symbol furthest from the stairs, which also pointed north. "Fat.her," .Mike said, stepping on the first symbol. "Son ... and Holy ... Ghost," he concluded triumphantly stepping on each other symbol in turn. They waited. "Maybe we did it wrong" Erin began. Just as she finished speaking aloud grinding noise filled the room. The centre of the room, the area within the symbol of Baal, began to sink into the Earth, leaving a set of stone steps behind it. "Let's go!" Erin cried. The two hurried down the steps as they formed and were eventually led into a large underground chamber. The chamber stood several storeys high, supported by ancient gothic pillars. Torches were lit around the room, filling it with an surreal or.. ange gIO\," The room was fiUed with treasures and scrolls. "This, this is amazing!" Erin breathed. "Let's see what we can find." "Wait!" ~fike cautioned, "I don't iliink we should go any further." Erin looked at him puzzled, "Why not?" "Erin, who lit the torches?" Her eyes "\\<1dened slowly at the implications. "I did." voice behind iliem spoke.

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They both jumped and turned quickly. Standing in the doorway leading back to the surface, was the messenger of Baal. "So," the messenger began, "you found your way in. I'm impressed. Now you have a choice. You can make this easy, or you can make it hard. If you give up I'll make your deaths quick. If you make it hard, you'll suffer." "I don't suppose there's a third option." Erin muttered. Mike was thinking furiously of a way out of this situation, which looked somewhat hopeless, when ilie most unlikely iliing happened. The messenger's eyes suddenly opened wide in shock and the sickle he held fell to the floor, clattering on the stone floor. Mike and Erin followed the gaze of the messenger down to his stomach which very oddly had a sword protruding from it. The messenger looked back at Mike and Erin, looking very confused, before he fell to the ground with a muffled thud. Mike and Erin looked up from his body to see a man, dressed all in black except for a small white patch around his neck. The man was a priest. A priest \vith a sword. "I would very much appreciate it if you two came with me," tl1e man said smiling as he wiped his sword dean with a cloth he pulled from somewhere within his clothes. ~fike looked at the man warily. "Go where?" 'Why, to th" Vatican of course. The Pope Wi5h"s to see you."

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COURTESY OF THE UW DRAMA DEPARTMENT

UW students (left to right) Emma Dines, Julie Kern, Greg Carere, and Brad Cook play out a scene of OUf Town. Kernet Bahlibi IMPRINT STAFF

friend and 1 are running towards the Modern Language Theatre, it's 8:07, the play starts at 8:00. Who knew it would take three hours to drive in from Toronto on the day of the year's first real snowfall. So, we are finally being seated, and we enter the play at a part when one of the characters is pet-ting the air. Confused f()f a minute, we soon realize that the air that was being was actually meant to be a named Betty. Our TOJllll is a pretty modern play, so thankfUlly there weren't any people faking honible English accents.

The play's first performance was in 1938 and it was written by Thornton Wilder. Unlike traditional shows, the play is narrated by a stage manager (Alison Jutzi). It was a bit hard to understand what her role was exactly, but after reading the programme, it all made sense. Throughout ilie whole play she "manipulates time showing us exactly what she wants us to see." The play is divided into three acts that depict events taking place a few years apart. The first act introduces the townspeople and their roles. This is were we meet tlle two prominent families, the Gibbs and the Webbs. The second act focuses on the relationship between two neighbour-

teens: \Vcbb and George They also »;et married in this act and sho~: wha~ a typical rnarn;,gc was like in the 1900s. The third act, to me, Vias the most interesting. The whole 40 minutes took place at a cemetery during a funeral. There were rows of dead townspeople, who were supposed to be tombstones. Everything was very serious and I was half expecting everyone to jump out of ilieit seats and start singing musical style. No such luck. One of my favourite characters was Simon 'Stimson played by Johnny Trinh. Stimson is the town's choir conductor that has a bit of a drinking problem. Since it was mainly the alcohol talking, most of what he said was gold. "Softer! You only think music is good if it's loud. Leave the loudness to the Methodists." The play, put on mostly by fellow \'\laterloo students, ran from November 16 to 19. Although the attendance was alright on the Thursday show, it could have been better. I know we're all students and may not be able to afford all the flner things in life but, the' tickets aren't expensive. And, by watching a play, even a school play, there's benefits. At least you could pretend you're now a little more cultured. Future productions by the d1"ama students are 1\!ew DirettiollS in l''ebruaty and Otlr Country~' Good in March. If these two plays are anything like O"f" T'o.'l'n, they would definitely be worth seeing. kbahlibi@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

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The technical magIc1an formerly known as Manitoba has gone through more than just a name change. Dan Snaith, under his new moniker Caribou, has taken this aesthetic alteration as an opportUf'ity to resolve his once overly calculated arrangements into the most organic piece of electronica, twisting and transforming throughout the eleven tracks found on The AJilk of Ht/man Kindness. For an album so reliant on the use of digital equipment, the atmosphere is surprisingly large in scope. Layering and synth construction are wl,mderful, as an assortment of wispy tones and sparkling melodies intermingle to form lush, multitiered tracks. This has always been a strength of Caribou's, so the apparent differences from previous

efforts are clearly because of a new approach. Sampling isn't a new concept for Snaith, but overcoming his past reluctance to use live instruments gives tracks like ''A Final Warning" a level of humanity that his other albums lacked. Off-tempo drums contrast with the computer-perfect synth tones, presenting listeners with the ideal mix of control and chaos. The use of live instruments extends further than drums, however. Melodies on "Hello Hammerheads" are entirely reliant on acoustic guitars and Snaith's own vocals. His singing is distorted and barely understandable, yet it is still recognizably human. Other artists would have opted for the classic vocal stylings of Mr. Roboto. TheMilk of Human Kindmssis still very much an electronica album and in that respect it does not disappoint. Tempos usually remain swift enough to warrant a .little dancing and songs like "Hands First" possess back beats so aggressive they could be used by hip hop DJs. These trends continue with his soon to be released DVD A1minos and Caribou 2005 TONrCD. Caribou's live performances are a full assault on the senses, seamlessly melding aural and visual aspects. AlarirlOS features the animated videos that play in the background of his live sets as \vell as a few new tracks. If the latest music on his DVD is any indication, Snaith certainly

hasn't been slouching around during his post-tour break. Simply put, this is his best work to date. The lK'W tracks are varied to the point where three-second segments feel like they could be extended into their o~n songs. The off-tempo nature of the live instruments has now extended to the keyboards, as Snaith employs delay effects and other tricks to give his sounds an incredibly acoustic feel. Sinister beats lay the foundation for "The Barn," a track so wide open that it feels like the soundtrack to an IMAX film. "Sinuses" ends the tour CD with resonating Victorian-era keyboards that imbue an unusual sense of regality to a genre of music that is so often viewed as being haphazardly put together. In removing his digital restraints, Caribou has crafted songs that are fiUed with such an assortment of sounds, they blossom rather than burst -- this robot musician has a human heart and a fist full of flowers. If you'd like to accept this robot's flowery gift, Caribou will be playing at the Starlight on December 10 as he takes a break from his extended tout with the Super Furry Animals. Joining him on stage is UW student Ben Ong and his band Bocce. If you're even a mild fan of this bral{d of music don't miss out 011 what is sure to • be a fantastic show. -Angelo Florend,)

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Mike and Erin stood before a rich mahogany desk in a large, elegant room that smelled slightly of old books. On the other side of the desk sat one of the most important men in the world --- the Pope. Erin trembled slightly beside Mike. Neither of them had truly believed the priest back in the cave but felt that since this man with a sword seemed nicer than the last man with a sword they should do their best not to piss him off. That same priest now stood beside the Pope watching them with calm eyes.

~ Pope Innocent XIV, looked at Mike and Erin with deep grand fatherly eyes. When the Pope began to speak, the deep, rich tones of his voice both comforted you and grabbed your attention. "I want you both to know that it was never the policy of the Vatican to kill people to hide our secrets. Cardinal Richards has been excommunicated and as you knO'w the messenger you dealt with has been killed by Father Decheauz. If there are other messengers< of Baal still out there, I do not

Ii I know. It is Father Decheauz's job to find the messengers and bring them to justice." The Pope glan.ced at the priest at his side. "Though normally it is not such vigilante justice. "The truth of the matter is that we are now in a difficult situation. I refuse to hold either of you against your will, but you both have the knowledge and proof of one of the church's many secrets. As such, I must ask you a favour: please say nothing." The Pope motioned gently for r.,uke to wait for a moment, as he had been ready to object. "Young one, I know your objections. You believe people should know the truth. I tend to agree \v-ith you, but I'm afraid in this I must be hypocritical. Think of what this information would do to those who have great j~lith in the church. It could destroy them. \Vhat Constantine did changes nothing. The faith is still the same. God does not change because of the actions and deceits of men. You see my children, for the sake of harmony, some secrets JTIust be " Mike Erin looked at each other and then at the Hoor. They had been so eager to find the trut}l and expose it, they had never truly thought of what the consequences of their actions might be. Mike 'was not overly religious, but he could respect thosewho\vere. It wouldn't be fair to shatter their lives or he-

liefs, or even to introduce doubts, would it? Besides, standing before the Pope, who looked at them both with his gentle, imploring eyes, it was impossible to refuse him. "\'ile'U keen your secret" 1'iike said. L

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Erin nodded. "Yes Papa, we'll never tell." Pope Innocent xrv smiled. "You have my thanks." fluke and Erin sat around the table back at InnisfaiI house iri Baltinglas. "\Y/hat are you going to do now?" Erin asked, "Do yOU know?" "Probably go ~home. Go back to Canada." "1 see." He looked at her. "This was never forever. I planned to stay here a year," he grinned. "/\net I think I've had a year's worth of events happen in a few weeks already. I really just ';vant to rest , " somewnere. Erin reached for his hand. ''I'll have to come visit you, ]\Eke. You're like the Irish lad s 1 know." "Lucky me," he smiled. Later on the plane, l\1ike smiled to himself tiredly. Of all his memories of his time i"n Ireland, he knew h(~'d neyer forget his last night. mross@imprint.uwaterloo.cll

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 2, 2005

Soon to be cult hit Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Shane Black W&rnerBros

You know how nobody ac-rually went to go see Office Space or The BigLebowski,

but how those films became huge after they were released on home video? Add Shane Black's excellent ](irs Kiss Bang Bang to the list of "destined-tobe cult hits." This is easily the coolest movie of 2005. That is precisely why it's such a shame that it has received a paltry 226 rllcatre release. Lucky for us Waterloo residents, we can now catch the Hkk at the Princess Twin. If you're looking for the perfect distraction from your exam-time woes, you've found it. This movie is funny, edgy and razor-sharp. Shane Black serves as both writer and director as he brings to life a movie that is so dripping with wit that you'll choice but to have a good Black is a guy who sold his first §cx,xnDla~ at age 22 (Lethal weapon) and spent much of the '80s and '90s refh'!ling the action, buddy-flick for·· mula, Then, he took 10 years ofE

Black said he had grown tired of the standard formulas that he helped establish and so he left the industry, But now he's back and woah-boy h~s he arrived with a parade. The story is very complex and too difficult to summarize here. In short, Kiss Kiss follows Harry Lockhart (Robert Downey Jr.), a small-time crook who accidentally stumbles into an acting audition and unwittingly makes his way to LA. There he meets Gay Perry (Val Kilmer), a sarcastic cop whose job is to get Harry into shape. But Harry quickly bumps into an old flame, Harmony (Michelle Monaghan), and trips into a big-time crime that is so layered that you'll only figure it out at the very end. On that note, if I had a single negative criticism for Kiss Kissitwould be that the plot can feel a bit too convoluted at times. But rest assured, it's not because the writer lacks skill; rather, he's changing what you think is happening so often that you'll have to make an effort to hang on. Luckily, by the end you see where it was all coming from. Theactingis excellent, with Downey Jr. and Kilmer coming across with fan-

Horrific humour

tastic chemistry. Forme, DowneyJr. had completely fallen off the map, but with this movie he's sky-rocketed himself to one of my favourite performances of the year. He's an average Joe; he's you or me. His only problem is that he's found himself wrapped up in a deadly game of fraud and murder. His hapless crook \vith a heart of gold is hilarious and surprisingly real. I can't emphasize enough how clever this movie is. Witness the following exchange: after getting upset, Kilmer's Gay Perry yells, "Look up the definition of the word 'idiot' in the dictionary, know what you'll find?" Downey Jr.'s Harry stares blankly as he knows what's coming, "... a picture of me?" Perry cuts in, "No. The definition of the word 'idiot!'" This movie is funnier than most comedies that have come out this year and it's not even a comedy. It's more exciting than most action pictures and it's not even an action picture. So what is it? Simple: a very good time at the movies. -Filip Vukevic

Christopher Moore Bloodsucking Fiends Harper Collins

Chtistopher Moore \vanted to write horror books; he dreamed of being the next Stephen I<ing. Unforumately for him but fortunately for us, people laughed when they read what he wrote. Thus a humourist was born of the caliber of Dave Barry or Christopher Buckley and some have gone so far as to say he is the next Kurt Vonnegut. Now that we know a bit about our author, what about the book? BIoodsHckingEmdsis aglorious romp through the night. We have an office worker,Jodi,who has a 9-to-5 dead-end office job in San Francisco, she wakes up one momingunder a dumpster, the sun burns her and she has super human strength. She has never watched vampire movies or read the books, so she doesn't know what to do or how to do it. She is on the hunt for the man or creature who turned her. This is where C. Thomas Flood comes in, a beatnik author from Indiana, who works midnights at the Safeway. He falls in love with Jodi immediately and realizes that there is something strange about his love.

Follow the humorous journey through the night, the underworld, the streets and alleys of San Francisco as lbomas tries to fInd a wav to be with the \voman he loves eve~ if she is undead . .And Jodi tries to find out what being l.mdead is all about. Can this love survive? And if you enjoy this one, check out his other writings: Island of the Sequined Lot'IJ Nl1n or The Lusty Li.zard I!l MelancholY COl.'IJ. -

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]«'''''"....... Jr. and Kilmer bring to life one of the year's most energetic, exciting and funny films.

Thomas Merton The Wisdom of the Desert Shambhala Library

No, this is not a book for a Sftrvivor wannabe, nor is it a guide for those ",,-lio dream of crossing the great deserts of the world. It is a guide of sorts, or rather a companion for our pathways in life. This is a new

reprinting of a collection of sayings from the desert fathers and mothers of the fourth century. You might ask, who the desert fathers and mothers are and what written in the fourth century could be of any use to us today? They would both be good questions. The desert fathers were people who felt Christianity was lost along its way. They decided to return to a simpier life and went to the desert to seek solitude and god. However to some extent their plan failed; soon people realized these men and women had wisdom and guidance if one could ask them. Some of them developed great followings. This collection is unique among those I have seen in that it does not sort the sayings by author, nor by subject, but rather it is a random smattering that the reader can meander through in order, or randomly flip open and read whichever one they come across. The reader's experience can be meandering or directed. Merton in his introduction states, "This collection of sayings

the sand from the Verba SeiliOrNtll is by no means intended as a piece of research scholarship -- this book is designed entirely for the reader's interest and edification." I believe it lives up to that goal. At just under 200 pages, this book is short and sweet. Some of the more obscure sayings have been omitted and what is left is a collection of thoughts, meditations and reflections that can help us examine our lives. A few examples of the wisdom are: "If you have a chest full of clothing, and leave it for a long rime, the clothing will rot inside it. It is the same with the thoughts in our heart. If we do not carry them out by physical action, after a long while they will spoil and turn bad.'" (XLVI) and; "Malice will never drive out malice. But if someone does evil to you, you should do good to him, so that by your good work you may destroy his malice.'" (XLVII) For more, pick up the book and check it out. _.- Steven McEvoy

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HELP WANTED \Veekend counsellors and relief staff to work in homes for individuals with developmental challenges. Minimum eight-month com mintment. Paid positions. Send resume to Don Mader, K-\V Habilitation Services, 108 Sydney Street, Kitehener, ON, N2G 3V2. Christmas gift wrappers - creative individuals. GTA locations: downtown Toronto, North York, Thornhill, Richmond Hill. Managers to $10.15/hour + bonuses. Wrappers to $8.l5/hour. Full/part time, Deccmber 1-24. Telcphone 416-5339227. Website developer wanted - paid and volunteer database-driven website developers. Graphic design skills an asset. Competitive salaries for the experienced developer. Quick hire for the competent volunteers. Send resume to hr@meehatrosoft.com. Pad:-time employment available in January 2006. Fun, games, sports and crafts with afterschool children at Laurelwood Public School. Only a short walk from the University. Interested persons should leave a messagc at 7-H-8997.

If you are a good communicator, enthusiastic and dependable, then we want to talk to you! Please apply in person at the Office of Development in Sounth Campus Hall. Please include a cover letter, resume, class schedule and three references. Camp Wayne for girls -- children's sleep-away camp. Northeast Pennsylvania 6/17-8/13/06. If you Jove children and want a caring, fun environment we need directors and instructors for: tennis, swimming (\V,SJ. preferred), golf, gymnastides, cheerleading, drama, high and low ropes, team sports, waterskiing, sailing, painting/drawing, ceramics, silkscreen, printmaking, batik, jewelry, calligraphy, photography, sculpture, guitar, acrobics,self-defense, video, piano. Other staff: administrative!driver(21 +), nurses (RN's and nursing students), bookkeeper, mothers' helper. On campus interviews February 1. Call 1-800-2793019 or 516-889-3217 or apply online at \v\vw.campwaynegirls.eom.

HOUSING Room for rent for a quiet individual in a detached home near both universities. Parking and all amenities. Please call 725-5348.

Offering free room, board in exchange for habysitting services. Contact Karen at 519-625-1205. Now hiring student fundraisers! $8.50/hr to start, work on campus, flexible hours, raises every 20 shifts!

Attention co-op shtdents! Study in style. Student accommodations at centrallv located luxury downtowTI Toront~ hotel. Featuring elegant, modern, fully furnished, private, phone servicc, TV, cable, 24-hour se-

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'how being Buddhist affects student identity. She would like to talk to both international students and Canadian students. This research will hopefully lead to a hetter understanding of the role that religion plays in adaptation to campus life and sense of individual identity. If you volunteer, you will he asked to fill in a questionnaire and if you agree, to be interviewed. The total would be approximately 1.5 hours of your timc. The study has been reviewed and received ethics clearance through the Office of Research Ethics. If you are interested in participating, please email Prof. Fenn and mfenn@uwaterloo.ea or leave a message with your name, email or phone number at 885-1465, ext 211 or come to St. Paul's College, room 209.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 5, 2005 Information meeting for UWIHDA's 2006 Development Project. Where? Attawapiskat First Nations Community, Northern Onbirio. What? Empowering local youth to initiate positive change in their communities. Who? 8-10 UW students. When? MaylJune 2006. Why? Opportunity to gain valuable experience and make a difference! Information meeting on Mon. Dec. 5. Location TBA on website. For more information and application, see w,vw.uwihda.org.

Announcements Research participants wanted - Mavis Fenn, a professor in the dcpartment of religious studies is studying

curity service, wireless internet and mor~. No l2-month commitment required. Units from $1,098 including meals. Tours available Monday to Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., III Carlton Street. Call Joseph at 1-800-5658865. www.torontoprimrosehotel. com, password: Student. Single rooms available for winter and/or spring terms in Resurrection College across from U\V, Quiet coed residence, meal plan. Good community atmosphere. High-speecd internet, local phone service included. Call Patti and 885-4950 or visit our website: www.resurreetioncollege.ca. Location, Location, Location!!! Adjacent to UW on comer of University and Westmollnt. I'm looking for someone to continue a four month Jease from January I to April 31. The bedroom for rent is one of five bedrooms located within a hright, clean, and brand new apartment huilding. Laundry facilities are on site, the bedroo~ is lockable, and covered parking is availahle free of charge. Ycm will be sharing this apartment with four wonderful female rommates so I prefer a female. You will have access to the whole apartment whieh indudes two full bathrooms a kitchen area, living room, and plenty of storage! No pets allowed. \Ve eurrently have high-speed wireless! non-wireless internet, cabJe TV and a shared phone line set up in each bedroom. Rent is $475/month plus ~ utilities. Open to negotiation. Please

Want cool jewelry for Christmas? Email Anayabi: com_march2006@ hotmail.com Handmade jewelry, clothes,etc. If interested, delivery to campus is available. Your recycling efforts can help support the Canadian Diabetes Association. To donate please call 1-800505-5525. Win up to $1000 for your writing! Student's in third and fourth vears qualify for STC's Heidi Thi~ssen Memorial Award for Student Technical Writing. Visit www.stc-soc.org/ awards/student.php for details and an application.

Volunteer Resume builder! Volunteers needed to visit people with Alzheimer's disease through Alzheimer Society Volunteer Companion Program.

notc that the apartment is also available at an earlier date, should you require. Contact Elsina@ 519-4242428 or eehettin@artsmail.uwaterloo.ca for more info. January 2006 - two and threc hedroom apartments, close to UW Visit our wehsite at www.westcourtestates.ca or call 886-8139.

deuce fee). Contact oovinlov@artsrnail.uwaterloo.ca for lu'ore i~fo.

January 2006 - four and five hedroom apartment available in studcnt building. Close to U\V. Visit our wehsite www.westcourtestates. ca or call 886-8139.

Campus Hoodies - looking for custom embroidered clothing for your rez floor, fez hall faculty, fraternity/ sorority, intramural team, campus cluh/organization? \Ve carry brand names like Modrobes, American Apparel, Gildan, Hanes. Pick up your free starter kit from Aussies or contact Rob at 1-866-220-3861 or wwvv. eampushoodies.com.

Nice sized well maintained rooms for rent on Albert St. Close to both universities. Singles or groups. Flexihility in lease lengths. Call Ryan for details. 519-375-5663.

SERVICES 10-10-940 discount long-distance phone service. No contrads or sign-up. Dial 10-10-940 before your long-distance call to save. Calls appear on your local Ben phone hill. www.1010940.com for rates.

Large three bedroom townhouse in professionally managed student complex available for January. Call Perry at 746-1411 for more details. Female roommate wanted for a double-room in Renison College affiliated with the University of Waterloo (for the winter term: JanuaryApril 2006). Some programs offered through the college are social work, social development studies, interdisciplinary social science, etc. It's a close-knit community in which it's easy to meet ncw people and make new friends. T1lC residence includes: a Iihrary with computers (including intemet), lounge areas to watch TV and relax, or just sit and talk with friends, a chapel, a cafeteria (meal plan already included in the resi-

Marketing Position - Are you energetic? A good communieator? Goal oriented? If you are, Virtual Causeway is looking for you. Virtual Causeway is recruiting extrovertcd students who arc interested in developing a sales and marketing eareer hy becoming Marketing Services Representatives. The successful candidate will have the ability to lcarn about sales/marketing processes of top teehnology companies, thrive in a performance based environment, and be willing to have fun. Come and compete in the fast paced technology industry and send your resumes to jobs@v-causeway. com. For more information about the Marketing Services Representative, please visit W\vw.v-causeway. com/company_ careers.php.

One to four hours per week. Call Jill 742-1422. Wanted! Volunteers for a research project. Help us test an internel:based survey of post-secondary students' tobacco use. _ Completing them both should take you about 20-25 minutes. Email Vidhi: vadlakha@uwaterloo.ca to set up a data collection appointment. Y(mr anonymity will be protected and vou have a chance to enter your ~ame into 100 draws ror $20.00 UW Retail Scrvices gift certificates! This projeet has received ethics clearance through the Office of Research Eth-

you prepare for the English language proficiency examination. Basic requirements of the exam, typical errors that will count against you and planning, writing and time management strategies. Tuesday, Decembcr 6,2005: 10 a.m. and 1l:30 a.m. in DC 1350, 1:30 and 3:00 p.m. in PAS 2083. No sign up necessary, please attend one session only. Let us help you prepare! The next ELPE is on Wednesday, December 7, 2005 at 5 and 7 p.m. in the PAC.

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LOST Yellow lab missing since Oct. 24 from Riverbank Drive. Jasper is male, neutered, 6 years old, very skittish, porcupine quillscars on nose. Microchipped. Call Elaine at 896-7215.

FRIDAY. DECEMBER 2, 2005

science@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Science Editor: Rob Blom Science Assistant: Vacant

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Is d eu

Proposed controversial traffic monitoring system uses cellphone signals to collea information Zeeshan Abdy Sf'i:CIAL TO IMPRINT

flow many times have you driven to work and looked at the car next

to you, only to see someone with a cellphone glued to his ear? Thi.s sight is becoming increasingly common as more people than ever have ceHphones. The March 22, 2002 issue of the BBe UK published a report by scientists at the Transport Research I..ahotatoryin the UK. This reportsaid on cellphones had slower ft;'lfi..'1:ion and stopping times than those Ufi~ier the influence of alcohol. Communication is a necessity and everyone wants to be connected. 1;here are about 9 million cellphone users in Canada, with the number of subscribers gtowing at 20 to 30 per cent each year. An estimated 50 per cent of all phone calls and internet connections in Canada will be done through wireless connections in the year 2005.

Typically, these connections send signals to cellphone users every couple of seconds and track the signals. This allows parents to track the location of their children and receive a warning if they are in unsafe locations. By looking at the signal history of a person, it can be determined where he lives, works and plays. So next time you visit a strip club, be sure your mobilephone doesn't have the secret utility. As most drivers on the highway have a cellphone, how about using this signal data to manage highways? We will be able to see how the signals are moving along the highwa}~ what speed they are at and where they are clustered (indicating accidents). This could become a vital component in future traffic management systems. Highway 401 is the main artery of Ontario, transporting 350,000 vehicles per day. It has world class congestion and comes to a grinding halt at rush hour virtually every day.

We can use cellphone data to improve the 401, provided that we have the technology that accurately estimates the location and path of signals, typically carried out using algorithms.

We will be able to see how the signals are moving along the highway, what speed they are at and where they are clustered. How does the tracking system work? Locations are detected based on the tower transmissions. Increasing the number of towers

b browser wars restart JhqueUne McKoy iMPRINT STAFF

Mozilla Firefox, the increasingly popular web browsing alternative to .Microsofes Internet Explorer unveiled its groundbreaking new version this Tuesday. Pirefox 1.5 k..."Cpsitspopularfeatures, such as tabbed browsing, but also adds autornatk Sl~CUrity patch updates and bettel: pop-up blocking 1bese are a few of the(hlcuimprovementsMozillahas lT14cie to their browser, which was first :cr.:lell.scd a year agu andhas since achieved a 12 per cent market share. Despite alI the Mozilla buzz in the mmputingworld, Microsoft is hardly

out of the race. The software giant will release the seventh version of its Internet Explorer (IE) browser·-the one that's a part of Windows and used by about 86 per cent of computer users -- along \\rith Windows Vista, the successor to XP. According to beta testers, IE7 will include many features to make web browsing easier and more secure, such as tabbed browsing Gust like Firefox) and the new Phishing Filter which shows users if they've found themselves at a malicious website. Perhaps of greater importance to web developers, IE7 will fail to fully support industry standards for coding web pages and cascading style

sheets, 'Which control the way the web is displayed. Neither IE or Pirefox 1.5 completely support the World Wide Web Consortium's (W3C) reccomendations, which makes creating consistently-behaving web sites difficult. If neither new feature-filled versions of the two most popular browsers suit your needs, there are several other web browsers on the market. For Windows and Mac users, Opera adds instant messaging and chat capability in one program. Mac OSX ships with the Safari browser and Konqueror is avaiible on Linux. jmckoy@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

ew discoveries in science this week concerns by providing an effective treatment that doesn't require antibiotics," said Jean Patterson, chair of the department of virology and immunology at the Texas··based Southwest Foundation for Biomedical Research. 1b date, antlLraxinfectioninits early stages can be successfully treated with antibiotics.

Ch..istine Loureiro 1Mf'fl!NT STAFF

Antibodv may counter anthrax

Scientists find smallest solar system

Scientists at the University of Texas in Austin engineered a new anthrax antibody that protects and defends against inhalation of the agent without the use of antibiotics or pricier antibodies. The new antibody was successful in animal tests. If testing continues, this 'hrill be the first successful treatment fc)t late-stage anthrax infection, even for strains that have shown antibiotic resistance, according to the Universitv of Texas. "L\. concer~ to national defence is that terrorists might design a strain of a.nthrax that is resistant to antibiotics, but this antitoxin could elinlinate those

Scientists have discovered a brown dwatf -orfailedstar-SOOlight-Yea1o from the constellation Chamaeleon, in what they believe to be the birth of the smallest known solar system. Less than one-hundredth the mass of the sun, the brown dwa.rf appears to be encircled by a disk of dust and gas and appears to be going through a planet-forming process that could one day create a solar system, according to Kevin Luhman of Pennsylvania State Oni.versity and the Associated Press. This is the smallesthrowndwarf with plant."t.formifl..g capabilities ever found.

If the disk forms planets, the system \vill be 100 times smaller than our own. Results of L~e discovery will appear in the Decemhet 10 issue of The AstropJ.:ysicaIJot1mal letters.

Ancient water scorpion fossil found in Scotland Giant water sCOlpion tracks made 330 million years ago have been discovered in Scotland. According to journal Ntlhtre, this is the first of the species ever discovered and the only evidence it c.'t1l survive outside of \vater. The scorpion had six legs and measured five feet long and three feet 'A-':ide, said Martin \,(Fhyte, geography lecturer at the University of Sheffield who discovered the trail. It was likely dragging itself out of the water extremely slowly due to the length of its stride. \V'hyte is keepingthdocation of his £1nd a secret until he can make a replica of the track. cloureirO@imprint<uwaterloo.ca

results in increased signals. The signals detected are hyperbolic and have multilateral positions throughout the network. A position is determined by locating the intersections of the hyperbolas through the waves. By analysing how long it takes the wave to reach the towers from the cellphone, a computer can calculate precisely where someone is located on the highway. The accuracy of the sibrnal varies depentling on the number of towers in the vicinity. The next step is to distinguish between the static and the moving signals. A threshold speed can be decided in the algorithm to separate the signals. If the person:s loca· tion is mapped off a highway, the computer corrects this and snaps the location to the road. The whole process takes a few seconds and can help highway management. Por example, if you want to know how long the travel time between Waterloo and Toronto is today,

you may get information on an accident to avoid from the system. (The 'highway moving slow' signs have no useful information). This service can be available to users for $4 to $5 a month. There are some privacy and user policy issues involved, including the selling of a subscriber's private L.'1formation. Some people would can it stealing money they put into the service. They argue that the telecommunication companies are making more money by seIling information from the signals they pay for, but the advantages to using the signals are substantial. It requires less infrastructure costs (loop detectors, video cameras, etc.) and less equipment costs (G PS devices). The only cost associated is the development of efficient algorithms to accurately report and process the data. It is necessary for 401 users to have this technology to give them a better, more efficient solution to their travel needs.

II Kyoto comes to Montreal Rebecca Temmer IMPRINT STAFF

Beginning last Tuesday and continuing until December 9, Canada is host to the United Nations Framework Convention on Climate Change, in Montreal. The conference is being presided over by federal Environment l'vfinister Stephan Dion who was quoted in the Globe and Mail on Tuesday saying, "we know that climate change is the single most importantissue facing the world today." When Canada ratified the Kyoto Accord in 2002 there was doubt if it would close the planning table. The accord could only came into effect if it was endorsed by developed nations that accounted for at least 55 per cent of the wodd's greenhouse gasemisS 10 n s and the United States withdrew from the agreement in 2001. The plan was salvaged, however, when Russia ratified the treaty in 2004 and helped fulfill the re(luirements that officially hlunched the accord without the U.S. nr Australia on board. The Canadian government has vO\v'Cd tr~at this country will reduce its emissions by 6 per cent below 1990 levels by 2012. Unfortunately, according to Environment Canada,

emissions were up by 24 per cent from 1990 leveL~ by the end of 2003. Minister Dion released a statement saying that much of the increase has comc from Canada's robust economic performance. One of the major charges against the Kyoto Accord in Canada is that meeting our emissions target might send the economy into a tailspin. This accusation has been overwhelmingly put forward by the oil and gas sectors, who stand to lose out the most from these proposals. Tellingly, this sector receives more sub money ftom govetnment sources tllan was allotted for all environmental initiatives in the last budget. The only wav that Canada's eco!1()mv 'will suffer under the Kyoto plan is if it does not change to accommodate the new targets and regulations. Poverty need not be our fate if Canada decides to take a leading role in innovation and technology development that is environmentally responsible. Our place in hosting the climate change conference in j\lontreal might be a step toward this new economy iri a direction that could help Ca~ada find a new identity in the eyes of its citizens and a more place on the world

stage, rtemmer@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 2, 2005

PORTS

sports@impnnt.uwater!oo.ca Sports Editor: Salim Erect Sports Assistant: Vacant

Warriors regain winning streak

Warriors forward Matt Levicki pelts pucks off RMC goalie Blair Robertson, helping the Warriors earn their 2·1 win November 25. Whitney Wager IMPRINT INTERN

The \X/an-iOt" men are back on track v,ccith their winning streak after a tough tie to Ryerson .last week. Waterloo added another win to their record after a2-1 triumph over the Royal Ivfilitary ~U'!l'"'K~, last Fridav. men kicked off the scoring in the first, with a from first-year Dave I-Idgeworth, his second of the season, assisted by thirdyear Mike Dena Mora on a power play five minutes in. Goalie Curtis Darling managed well between the pipes, robbing RMC from any goals. Third-year Kevin Hurley added another one to the scoreboard, approximately halfway the second, assisted by second-years and Doug Spooner. Goal two was also on a power play. ~

Brody Hohman SPECIAL TO IMPRINT

The Warrior men got back on track this week with two well-played games against two very strong basketbill teams in McMaster and Brock. Despite getting the victory in only one of these games, there was a mere six-point difference between both final scores. Theweekstarted off on Wednesday night as the Warriors were in Hamilton to face the McMaster Marauders in what would tum out to be a very high-scoring affair. The first half started off with the t<NTl teams scoring back and forth seemingly each time up the court The Marauders were draining tl:u:ee-balls while the Warriors penetrated the 1111e for several easy lay-ups. After 20 minutes the score was 47-45 in Waterloo's favour. The high-paced action continued in the sec· ond half as the maroon-clad Marauders went on an 8-0 run to capture the lead. With just under

With a comfortable two-goailead, the men let up. This along with several penalties, including a major and a misconduct, gave incentive to RMC and allowed them to make a late comeback in the third. On a power play "\vith bardy a minute to go, Darling's shutout was disturbed as RM C finally managed to put one past him. It was difficult for either team to score on a full· strength line, considering both racked up the penalty minutes. Combined, the teams earned 72 minutes in penalties, two of which were misconducts. Darling was top notch, shutting out 27 shots and achieving a smoking. 964 save percentage. The second-year goal tender continues to be a reliable force in the net, displaying his talent several times throughout this year. Meanwhile the \1ij'arrior offence put meru1h'lg to "quality, not quantity;' pddng RMC goalie with only 22 shots, but emer£"ring ·with a 2··1 victory.

The next day, the men faced the Queen's Golden Gaels, ~eeking another win to add to their 7-1· 1 record. But the ball was slow-rolling, as both teams seemed to have trouble lighting the lamp in the first period. The penalty box was warm, however, \¥ccith four \varr.ioj' penalties, three within the mst five minutes. The second period was an improvement and with the reduction of penalties the \Y/arriors found another wayt~ get their names on the game sheet. Eight minutes into the period, Edgeworth scored v,ccith assists from Sean Roche and Matt lanetta. EdgL"wotth, a Warrior rookie acquired from Kingston, is af.· fectionately known as "Edgy." This has more to do \v-ith his aggressive, hatd·hittillg attitude than his last name. Queen's rose to the challenge, however, and answered with a goal on Darling four minutes

later. Heading 1nto the third head-to-head with the GOlds, the Warriorswerenotaboutto pull out another tie. Eight minutes in, Spooner scored on a power play assisted by Hurley and lanetta. Two minutes later the Gaels responded yet again, sneaking another goal past the Warriors. Keeping the Waterloo fans on their toes, including the 45 \%!aterloo alumni who were out supporting the men at home, the \varrior~ kept the game even for the rest of the period. With two minutes left, Spooner put one in\vith another assist from Ianetta, to snake thelead for good and claim \X'aterloo's eighth win. , Now, v.c1th an 8-1-1 record, the Warriors face Lakehead Univcn;ity to see who really is on top of the division. Lakehead and the Warriors are tied for first in the \Vest division, both '-\lith 17 points. Tonight'S game will definitely be one to see. wwager@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

t aile urt

six minutes left on the dock, McMaster held a lO-point lead but the Warriors would not quit. Creating defensive pressure by executing flawless offence the Warriors fought back to within two points. After hitting several dutch threes the Warriors missed one that would have given them the lead. The Marauders capitalized and went on one last run, drawing fouls and making the ensuing free throws to hand the Warriors a gut-wrenching 98-9410ss. McMaster finished with five players scoring in double digits. Despite shooting just 30 per cent from the floor, Adam Steiner had an impressive 20 point, 10 rebound douhle-double while his teammate Ben Katz managed 19 points,. six boards and five assists. Graham Jarrnan led the Warriors with 29 points on 10 of 15 shooting while dishing out eight dimes. Hfth-yL'ar fot<N"'afd Chris Edwards topped Steiner's double··double with his own 22 points and 10 rebounds to go along with' three long-bills.

In a rematch of their first game of the season, the Warriors were looking to put the tough McMaster loss behind them as they hosted the Brock Badgers Saturday afternoon. The Badgers had a little e.'{tra motivation after losing the first game by two points in their own house.1beycame out strong leaning on the inside presence of last year's CIS :Player of the Year, Kevin Steinstra. Ibe big man fought through Waterloo double teams to make difficult baskets or find the open man. Graham Jarman and rookie David Burnett responded offensively for the Warriors but they still trailed 36-27 at the halE The second half was a different stOry as the Warriors quickly took the lead ftom the Badgers and never looked back. Dan White provided a huge spark off the bench nailing t\VO huge three pointers while Jatman continued to his offensive assault. Tight Warriors defence threw Steinstra off his game and forced him to jack up some bad shots. His teammate Brad Rootes tried to

r shoulder the load for the Badgers and rnissed a potential game-tying shot with seconds left. The Warriors edged out the Badgers yet again by two points in the 68-66 win. . CmiliamJarman scored 17 forthe Warriors and Chris Edw-ards hauled in 13 rebounds including four on the offensive end. Da'.ccid Burnett and 'Michael Davis both finished \¥ccith nine points while Davis also brought down seven rebounds. The Badgers were led by Steinstra's 22 points and Rootes' 17 points, five assists and four steals. The Warriors now sit in fifth place in the QUA West at 3-4 while, in the same division, Brock (5-2) and McMaster (4-2) sit second and third respectively. McMaster is also ranked eighth jn the CIS Top Ten. 'Ibe Warriors have faced two slightly easier challenges this week. They hit the road to face fourth· place Windsor (4-4) on November 30 and eighth-place Western (1-5) on December 2. Results were not availablt~ at press time.

FIijDA\'; DECEMBER 2, 2005

igure skaters post solid results at Queen's

Warriors figure skating team gracefully moves on the ice in a synchronized routine. The Warriors placed fifth this week at the Queen's Invitational. SwveUtz

varsity rugby player Katie Selman llitd

a career best third-place finish in the Senior Silver Freeskate. SHli.N1'!fH)" off against strong teams Head coach Karen Hinnegan Ontario and Quebec at the complimented her, saying, "Katie Queen's Invitational last f'riday, the has worked hard to add more jump elements to her program and this is \Vtm:iors Figure Skating team improved reflected in her provincial standing." on last year's standing by earning 35 Ii)r a fifth-place finish. However, Selman is not the only Key individual performances lead- team member who has been working ill,.; to the hlgh point total came from . hard to help the Warriors reach their goal of a spot on the podium at the d:.inf.·Yl.:a.rLeo Kwongin themen's open QUA championships. {,.'Vl:ont ilnd fellow third-year Jennifer i.n the senior silver solo dance 'The tC'&.m's veterans, Sheridan Hinnegan, Sarah Norris, Elise Cunningham eVl~nt. Both of these athletes placed S<:.'(:ond in their events while third-year and Erin Memering, have been practisSPECiAl TO IMPRINT

Doug, a second y«:ar Political. Science student from Toronto, Ontario, led the Warriors in two victories this past weekend over RMC and Qu.een's to stay atop the QUA Fa-r West division. On Friday, Doug

assisted on

t"~

eventual game winner in a 2-1 win over thp.

Patadi.ns_ And on Saturday afternoon against Queen's, Doug s.cored two goals, including the: game winner with under two mir:ut~; to play, to lift the Warriors to a 3-2 victory GV€f the Golden Gaels.

With the wins, the Warriors improve to tied with l .. kenead with 17 points.

8-1~1

on the season and are

Soroh Bryson, Hockey Sarah, a second year Arts student from Kitch~lle~. Ontario, led the Warriors to i.l win and <i tie this past meK-"'fld to put the Warrio~ in p-I.ayoff contention in the ~UA. On Sunday afternoon, Sarah played

an outstanding game in hetping Waterloo defeat Brock 2-1. On Saturday, Sarah scored two big go;tls in 4~4 tie again_'>t the ItS ranked Guelph Gryphons in Guelph. The three points gives the Warriors 10 point.'> on the season (4-6··2), and within striking 01.0;ttlnce of a p-layoff spot.

ing new and more complicated Harris Tango· and· Bronze Rhythm dance routines, while rookie skaters Daniela Cotesta and Lauren Wilson have brought more national experience to the team and worked diligendy to earn competition performance time. This season has also brought a new synchronized skating program that the Warriors will use to maintain their competitive edge. "Each year the OUA becomes more challenging," said coach Hinnegan, "and my feeling is that a new synchronized program will help us remain in the top three."

All these improvements come not a moment too soon as Queen's and Western remain entrenched as the top two teams in the OUA, while other programs have made strides to close the gap. . In what could be a battle to take last year's bronze away from the Warriors, coach. Hinnegan confessed that "Brock has really Come on strong in the last few seasons and will deftnitely be a team to watch out for." . To help stay ahead of the curve, the team will be performing a complete rendition of an their events as part of their second annual

exhibition show this Sunday from 5:00 to7:00 p.m. The team greatly encourages all students, faculty, alumni and members of the public to attend to help simulate an OUA Championship atmosphere. Spectators at this event will be among the first to see the Warriors perform their new synchronized routine, while only voluntarily paying a donation to help the team cover the costs of qnifu:rms and travel.

- Jllt!b filesfrom UWF(gure Skating and tbe [I7amor Insider

Warrior Cheerleading FIidaV. Decemller 2. 2005 National University Clliilllpionsllips 5:00 I'M. I.JW PAC Gym Admission $10

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 2, 2005

e '5 basketb II Iissh espite st ng e Brody Hohman SPECIAL TO IMPRINT

I t has been a rough start to the season for the Waterloo women's basketball team and it didn't get any easier this week as the Warriors faced a pair' of unbeaten teams. Top-seeded McMaster and Brock both earned victories over a very hard-working Warriors team. On Wednesday evening the Warriors visited the Burridge Gymnasium in Hamilton to match up against the McMaster Marauders. The game started off w'ith an incredible display of defence from both teams as the game remained scoreless for the first four and a half minutes. Alyssa Prevett got things going for the War-

riors as she scored six points in the half. Jenna Garbatr also scored six points for McMaster and was strong on the boards adding four rebounds. The key to the first half was Gillian Maxwell's ability to handle Chiara Rocca, McMa~ter's dominating centre. Rocca was scoreless in the first half and was also forced to sit much of the first half due to early foul trouble caused by Maxwell's presence down low. Maxwell also had five points, four rebounds and a block in the first halE Katie Tucker also applied defensive pressure on McMaster as the Warriors went into the break leading 18-15. However, Rocca and the Marauders could not be kept quiet the entire game. Rocca heated up

in the second half and was able to penetrate the Warriors defence on her way to 14 points, 12 rebounds, and two blocked shots. The War· riors were still tough in the paint as Maxwell finished with 11 points, 11 rebounds and two blocks while drawing several fouls. But a combination of Waterloo shooting 29 per cent from the free throw line and some clutch shots from Taylor Smith and Jenna Garbaty (25 points combined) down the stretch led to the Warriors demise as the Marauders won the contest 50-33. Kimberly Lee continued her hot play with a near double-double at 12 points and nine rebounds. see BASKETBAll, page 27

po san t who love the

Student, mother of two, wife, taxi driver, chef, maid and the list goes on. I wouldn't say my life is hard. I mean you do what you've got to do. Throw in sports and my life becomes almost unbearable. Don't get me wrong, like any good Canadian, I like hockey. At the age of 11 my love for the Guelph Storm of the OHL started to burn but it fizzled out at around 15. I went to tennis

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camp one summer and made a few elementary school teams. That's mv ' sports history. On the other hand, my fiance Adam McGuire .._- author 'of 1JPoiH.imlte W/aming, for whom 1 am writ· ing this week ' - lives, breathes and sleeps every sport known to man. He receives sexual gratification watching the Montreal Canadiens tool the Toronto Maple Leafs. Trust me, that's hard to compete with. It's not just limited to sports games. He loves sports television. TSN and ESPN are his favourite chartnels. It's bad enough he has to watch the game and, during the game, there are a hu.1dred instant replays. But I get to see the same plays as highlights a half-dozen times on all the chartnels that recap games. It's true Adam has missed a game for me. But you better belie-re he never missed the recaps. Over the last 22 months, I needl.d to learn to embrace one of the few things he loves more than me. Not only embrace it, but mal(e it work :0 my advantage. I never want to stop putting efffrt intothe·~ravIlook. Adam tt.'l1ds tolouk like nobod}' owns him. I on the oth:r hand, like to look well-loved ... exce)t on big sport~ days, because I could look my best and it \vouldn't matt.:r. He is not going to look at me once, I could stand in front of him nal...ed alld all he would say is "You make a bd1er door then a \vindO\v." You but it's nue. These arc u1e days I \"ear favourite sweatpants that ate full boles and my sweatshirt that is tl:u:ce sizes too big~ \\'hcn I come in the room he \vill still teU me 1 look nice. '"rhat's sweet," you'd 111i.nk. But here's the thing --..: he doesn't look up from the TV for a second. I do not ,vaste these nnnnrt-"n, ties. If there is something I ,vant --_. and I know he is going to flo --1 just patiently wait until the York Yankees are losing. Then I can ask him for anything from buying new clothes to telling him to book the weekend off work for my nine·· rear-old sister's birthday party. He'll say yes to anything just to shut me up so he can continue to watch the beating of whomever. Now don't get me \vrong, J will :,it and watch sports with him. I mean, if I wam him to take an interest in wh at I do, I need to show an interest in wh at he does. You know, sports aren't t'h at bad. For the most part it's a bunch ()f sweaty men -C.-.very beautiful, well-buj Jt, sweaty men. I know spandex is n ot for everyone, but all the right peoF ,le are wearing spandex in sports (we:11, minus all those really hig guys on tlle football teams who don't seem to ( 10 much), So while Adam is cheering [. Dr the great play or the awesome save, , I am cheering for the great dose-up ( )f Vancouver goalie Dan Cloutierwitho ut his mask. So, it has been trying at best to compete with sports. 1 should count my blessings that we only have cahle and not a satellite. He is gone must of the time between work and school, so the games I see now are pretty limited. I mostly catch just highlights, which aren't so bad. Sometimes at night when I am waiting for him to come home, I find myself watching whatever sport happens to be on. So I guess I might have to add sports fan to my list as well. amcguire@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

F~IDAY.

DECEMBER 2, 2005

omen's volleyball comes together and triumphs over uelph Wti$im Parkar

IMPRINT STAFF

last week's defeat against ;\1cMaster, the \'\-'arriors women's volleyball coach acknowledged that one important for his players to remember was mental to'L!gl'lHl:8S. However, after the first set and a against the Guelph Gryphons when it seemed like a season-derailing upset was in the cards, the girls performed at II never··beforeseen level this season. The \"\Tarriors were able to ;:ide out the storm and won their game in exciting sets by a score of 17-25,25-21, and 25-17. The \X!aterloo \'i7arriors had beaten the Grvpl'lOns in a pre-season tournament, butc()min.g~n the back of two consecutive defeats and against impm\!ing opponents, this game had to be consj,'lel"e,j a potentia! banana skin. At the start of the fi,;lIt S(;t, the \'i7a.rriors were showing evidence of a h<~ngover from theirprcvious defeat. Once again tious in their play; the Gryphons dictated e. Pa1tieularly impressive ,vere their outable to regularly find open . in}he Wa;riors defen~~. Gl'yphons the rnst set DV a score or 25.. 1 i. The 'k,oking very shaky, entered second set. Thev f-inallv seemed to be "n upper ha.'ld ie; the g;~ne with a 20. 15 the Gryphons weren't wilting to give up easily, fighting baek to level scon,. 11·,ere was an extremely nervous air in PAC nO\Ji~ 1;\1.,h the Warriors ki10\'ving that a C'.J\"o--1l.et deficit could prove fatal. The \Y;'arriors d,l$. $h()wcd their superi01' taientand skill. Coach Grit."Vt;lw.de asmatt substitution bringing inJeona Schroedcrin order to boost the te,J...-rn'g passing and dividends with exceptional middle \\7atters showing new dimensions killing three of the last five points, cl'ljli;.il.liV; the \tlarriors to wm the set 25...21. losing their last six sets, the Warnors broke their self~imposed shackles and attacking game in the third and fourth fc,,;ta. \'l\lith the return of rookie Bojana Josipovic \~',m;u{)u

T?:

after an injury lay-off, there was a new dimension to the Warriors offence. While the team may have made overly-anlbitious plays in the last game, the girls made the right decisions in terms of aggressive outright hitting and mixing it up v..-ith smart tippir~. This was an area that Grieve had focused on duri~'lg practice and it paid dividends. Another extremely pleasing aspect of the E,rame was the variety in play; with outside hitters like Josipovic, Hilary Lemicm: and Gaby I..esnial" w-inning points with their blocking, while middle . blockers \1Ilatters and Nicole Giberson winning bonus points offensively. The W!arriors completed the ....-ietory comfortably, the only jitters coming at the beginning of the fourth set, when they blew an 8-1 lead allowing the Gryphons to even the score. However, the \""arriors got back in stride, winning the last t\vo set~ to 18 and 17. Afterthe game Grieve was delighted with the ,,'ictory. While once again highlighting their lack of aggression in the eady stages of the game as worrying, he was pleased that the girls were able to fight back and win the game. He did stress that the team does tend to relax when on top of things, but they were finally able to overcome that deficiency against the Grypholls. Grieve praised the consistency and leadership of Lesniak and \Vatters and was also happy with the bonus points that \Vatters and fellow middle-blocker Giberson won offensively. He also mentioned the reliable performance of' Jara Brunt and the big game mentality of Josipmric. \Xfhen queried on whether he is finally dose to figuring out his best team, Grieve responded with an "J'firmative answer, The \if/arnot's can now hopefully take many positives from this performance and carryon their momentum into the last game before the season takes its Christmas hreak. Grieve suggested that it was important for the girls to keep practicing and maintain a feel for the court beiween games, If the girls follow Grieve's instructions during their Christmas, these talented Warriors could have a very happy new year.

The Warriors smash their way to 8 win whOe the Gryphons lookup. in wonder.

wparkar@imprint,uwaterloo,ca

ng competition at Wager iMPRINT INTERN

Wi1ttfH'tV

Friday. December 2 may prove to be the dream iliousands of cheerleaders across the na·· fl;S it's once again time for the National LheeI:ieacllrlg Championships. And it's being on UW campus. l'he Waterloo cheerleading squad has placed th.z top three in the last two years and aspire among the top three once again. Last \"i7arriors capture the bronze in the Nationals and in 2003 the team earned it's best placement in nationals in Kevin Costen }is co,lCh and several provincial.level gymnasts added 10 the l.'('l'ter, the 2005 \,lI7aterloo \"i7arriors are aiming once aga.in rank in the top t11ree. Building their talent from the past two seasons, the will be performing a number of new stunts that they have accomplished recently this fall. The Warriors are nuw well known for meW

I: Saturday afternoon at the PAC provided challenge as the Brock Badgers travinto town looking for their third win of over \\7aterloo. Defence shined yet in the first half as the \Varriors were to hold starting guards Jodie Ebeling Arnanda Tofano to six points combined. There were only eight fo~ls committed in first half as a very fundamentally sound played out. Kimberly Lee's eight first half points were met by Brock's Jenna Gonneau and her s,;;vcn points to keep the game deadlocked 3:~~33 at the break. In the second half the Badgers were led by first year forward Milaina Lilgzdins in the post and were able to work their way to a 60 ... 52 victory. Lagzdins led all

performing stunts that have never been seen before at a national competition. After a stunning performance in the Naismith Classic, the squad can't vJait to perform in front of the home crowd again. Although this year's team is very young, comprised of many fresh rookies, they are certainly ready to step up and give their opponents a run for their money. And indeed they have some very stiff competition. The top c~ntenderis the W~stern team, with 20 straight gold trophies. Nonetheless, the squad remains in the true spirit of the sport ... ·. "optimistic. Theyare prepared fot a tlghtrace, and are ready to get aggressive. Not only does the squad look forwatd to showing their competition just \vhat they are made of, but the rest of the UW' students as well. Thev want to show off their talent as competiti~re athletes and encourage the studcnts to show up at the PAC on Friday at 4 p.m. wwager@imprint.uwaterloo.Cil

luck scorers with 16 points and 10 rebounds and her teammate Erin Allan finished with 12 points. Captain .Katie Tucker led the Warriors with 16 points while Kimberly Lee scored 12. Gillian Maxwell had a great defensive game swiping two steals and blocking an amazing six shots, she also pulled down 13 rebounds in a losing effort. The Warriors are now 1··7 on the season and are tied for seventh in the OUA West Division. Brock and Mcl\.faster both sit atop that division at 8-0 while McMaster is also ranked fourth in the CIS Top Ten. The \Ylarriors met the 1-7 Windsor Lancers on \Vednesday evening for a chance to move up a spot in the OUA \>;"est. Results were not available at press time. On Sunday, the Warriors host the 3-4 Wilfrid Laurier Golden Hawks at 4 p.m. in the PAC.

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