2005-06_v28_no31_Imprint by Editor Imprint

FRIDAY, MARCH

VOL 28, NO 31

•

• IZ

17, 2006

JMPRINT.UWATERLOO.CA

Sabrina Bowman IMPRINT STAFF

l\felissfl Marchese went from student in a matter of hours. The 22 U\V student in 4B honours a nvo-year employee of a Boston Pi7,7Z restaurant in Kitchener, and "\%'dS selected to switch places for threr:days withlVfikeCordoba. CEO of the chai~. The whole event \\'\13 filmed and aitedl\farch 120n the CBCVi;;nture series, "The Big Switcheroo." Cordoha took a step in a different he replaced Melissa as a direction server ,It Boston Pizza in Kitchener, where she has been working for two vears. . The compe1irion was advertised to r'H" ... lryp.~_,~ the more than 225 Boston restaurants a,"'TOSS Canada. lill entrants submitted a resume,

a five· minutt: vk1eo ,,!xpI~cinjC!lg they 'were a choice. IU'ULlle"c yi.deo illustrared the o:>mmon "student by ciay; ernployce by night" experience thatrnauy students go through in order to pay for urJversitj' Once selected,Marchese\V"as flown business class out to the Richmond, Be of the chain. But was no first-dav·on··the .. "At first 1 oyerwhehned," she COIDIH,:JWCU, referring to the amount of meetings scheduled, the enormous i<::aHu~lg' curve and the paperwork piling up 011 her desk. But soon she jumped right into it, and was able to handle her challenges well. She was given a company credit card, a personal fitness trainer and the keys to Cordoba's silver BM\1V~ On top of keeping things toget.l,er as a first-time CEO, Marchese brought something to the table that even the "real" CEO didn't have- an ability to comtnunicatewith the heads of th~ business management units (B.1VfU) in Quebec due to her French major. "I had a meeting with the heads of the BMU --Igotto speak to them in their

THEBlG

own language. It was really neat." Her skills came in handy when meeting

with th{~ new Quebec franchisees, who didn't speak much English and at first mjstook her for the real CEO. Marchese also had to rely on her judgement and quick thinking. "There were a few times people tried to make me make big decisions butI told them I'd get back to them in a week," she :said, which wall conveniently after she would be finished her stint as CEO. The television show condensed 72 hours into one, but .1VIarchese felt it

was pretty accurate. "I was impressed. 1 thought it was a pretty good representation of what happened." But because it was such a short period of time, it couldn't include everything. "Luckilv for me, they left out the part ab~ut me losing Mike's car. I lost the valet ticket I had received at the airport, and had to make some phone calls in order to get the car back;' she laughed. "I learned what CEOs really do. 1 really hadn't understood why they made so much monerl t's going from

we e Neal Moogk-Soulis IMPRINT STAFF

The U\Xf Drama production of Timberlake \'l(lertenbaker's play, Olir Goorlis a studv of contrasts. The script presents the ~nsemblewjth the eonlTast between the Australian conrlcts and the troops that guard them, To this the director, Andy Houston, added the contrast: of a bard set, including mttural elements like rocks and wood, with the softness of rag-corered human bodies. Ofl1' COUtltry:\' Good is set in the context of 1789 Sydney, New South

PIZZA

UW student Melissa Marchese receives a kiss from new franchisee Bob Whitelaw while opening a Boston Pizza in Cobourg.

Wales with the convicts and troops who guard them, Ambitious Second Lt. Ralph Clark, played expertly by Brad Cook, conceives of the idea of staging a play, George Farquhar'S TbeRecriiitiJ~g qffiClJt~ as a means of bringing culture to an otherwise hopeless band of people. As with most play-within-a-play plots, the act of putting on the play brings transformations and discoveries to the entire community. The scripting of' the play '"vas tight and the topic serious. However, \\:ertenbaker expertly included jllst enough scenes of comedic

relief to ease, but never dispel, the mounting tension. The characters are constructed in bits arid pieces so that the audience only slowly discovers each character's biography. The result is a mosaic that is onlv complete by the end of the play.. From an acting standpoint, the play is a physical, mental and emotional challenge for the entire cast. For a set that is entirely nude up of hard surfaces, the actors spent plenty of time coming .into contact with it, reinforcing the harshness of the convict's situation. Several times the audience would audibly

meeting to meeting. You are ahvars 'on' and your life is yourjob.ltactually does jllstify such a big salary» Marchese's most enjoyable moment carne after she had tlnished her final challenge: giving a spt;ech at a store opening and accepting a cheque for charity. "1 was on top of the world." She also enjoyed going to the new store opening, since she had been working at her Boston Pizza when it opened two years ago. Going from CEO backto everyday U\V student after only three days on

the job proved surprisingly difficult.

"I got used to a life of expensive restaurants and hotel rooms. It "vas really amazing to see how quickly I got Llsed to it. Itwas strange going to restaurants

having the corporate credit card and not worrying about cost." Aside from being utterly exhausted after an experience that turned her world upside down, Marchese had a lot of fun. "I realized I really can do anything I want." sbowman@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

wince as yet another actor was post-modern soundtrack continupushed or crashed to the Hoor, ally kept the audience on edge. The play is a mental challenge since The stat,>ingwas expertly done, \I/ith most of the actors had to adopt director Andy Houston making full two accents to separate their por·· use of the theatre space from the yery traval of convicts and that of the beginning. 'Ine set was never emOlY gu~rds. Finally, the actors captured ri actors, but various groups w~r~ perfectly the tortured emotio118 of alternately 'competing fix the eye's atall involved. tention. Dialogue move from vignette Sound is a key part of this to vignette, yet the actors never stZ;pped production. Cellist Nick Stoning moving once the spotlight moves provided a haunting and tortured elsewhere. This led to a perception of soundscape in ,,,,hich the actors . an organic stage, despite its geologic acted. The actors themselves threw construction, and a sensory overload. sounds around the theatre to evoke a variety of environments. The edgy, See THEATRE, page 15

fillIP TIllIE

Steering Cotnmittee memberS should be able to attend weekly meetings from May into July beginning at 6:00pm at the OW. and must be avat1able ALl DAY Saturday. July 1st. 2006. 10 find out more information about any of these roles. or to become involved in the Steering CommIttee please email canadaday@uwatertoo.ca.

FRIDAY. MARCH 17, 2006

news@imprint.uwaterloo.ca News Editor: Jacqueline McKoy News Assistant: Ashley Csanady

aterl o welco esG o Ie KiranDhaliwal SPECIAL TO IMPRINT

In another demonstration of grovl1:h and sue-cess, Google recently announced its acquisition of localy-grown Reqwireless and the opening of a new \'7aterloo-based R&D office. Public kno\dedge of this venture has been minimal, prompting PR representatives of Google to run the "Let's Talk" event held at Fed Hall on Tuesday,I\1arch 14. The purpose of the event was to extend an inyitation to U\Y/ students to apply to Google openings in \Xiaterloo and their other offices, as well as to feed the curiosity of attendees interested in hearing about Google's existing and upcoming technology. The talk had more of a party feel to it, ;,tkndees \valked around and sampled the abundante of appetizers and drinks \vhile Google employees from MounNew- York, Toronto and \'faterloo. The Cywt hit the Fed I-iall capacity of 800 in 50 minutes and people waited in a lineup that easilyrival1ed the length of those on most nights. Evervon~- came to the talk for their own reasons.' One first--year softvJare engineering student admitted that he didn't bring his resume this time, but Vias certainly hoping the new office in \Y/aterloo would increase the co-op in the next couple of years. A fcmrth--year students in disciplines such as computer science, systems design and business wereintcrested in learning more about full time and candidly asked Coogle ;-M~U'C0n"_cd','''c how they compete ,vith other emoloyers such asM.icrosoft. Joanne McKlnl~y, one of the statT members of RCCjwireless before the Google purchase, was in attendance at j-he talk along with Skubowius, the founder and a 1.1\'';;'' grad. ,'nnc<y,"ipcc specialized in creating applications for \1 ewing e-mail and web content on various wireless devices. Both McKinle\'and Skubm>;'iu5 spoke proudly on behalf of doogle and were excited about the bTfowth in the scope of tl1eir new projects with Google. The new Google offlce is currently operating out of the existing Reqv"ire1ess office, but since hiring is on such a it may expand into a bigger building in the next fc;w years. When asked about the specific types of people they plan to hire, McKinley replied that "the Waterloo office is seeking talented generalists; competent, able people to fill our engineering roles in parti.cular." This doesn't eliminate the opportunities for business students to work for Googlein Canada, through the 'Toronto-based sales office, The speakers for the talk included Roger Skubowius who gave opening introductions, President David Johnston, John Tennant from Canada's Technology Triangle and the keynote speaker Craig Nevill-Manning, chief director of Google's l'vIanhattan office. Nevill-Manning also spawned the frequently used product search engine, Froogle, but had a wealth of background knowledge about

Ashley Csanady

Anyone who questions the value of the gun registry, read on. A three-year-old boy recently shot his mother in the knee-cap in St~ Paul, Minnesota. Apparently, he had found the 9mm gU.'1 hidden in the couch cushions earlier in the day. His mother caught him with the weapon lli'1~l removed all the bullets -,-- missing one - and put it back on the couch. The child picked up the brun and it accidentally went off The woman was rushed to hospital with non-life tbreatenlng injuries. Poi ice spokesman Pete Crum said, "It could have been much more tragic had the child shot himself or hit the woman in a more vital area." Several other bruns, all legal, were removed from the family home. 111e bor was released into the custody of his father. No charges will be laid; however ,police are tuwjngthe case over to the Ramsey County's attoutney for possible child endangerment charges. Now one would think that atter the child handled the gu.'} the first time, you wouldn't put the g!ll back in the couch (or in the couch in the first place). But you know what say, "Some folk'U never lose a toe, but then again some folk'lL" International

Roger Skubowius emcee's the night, while Google executives try and woo UW students to join their team at a new ?ffice to be located in Waterloo. Coogle's many other projects, His talk started with a background of Google's humble origins out of a garage and ended with a look into some of Google's lesser known toys such as Google Zeitgeist to review search statistics and Google Map APIs to create your own mapping tools. In an interview with Nevill-Manning, he reported that it seemed natural to open up a \1V'aterloo office considering "how many great UW grads have been hired in the past and how the community is fostering a growth in research and technology." The \'7aterloo office will be primarily Canadian~-grown and will open up opportunities for new grads in the near future. Co-op opportunities will come later on down the road, but after the office has established

itself. When asked whether this office would reduce the potential opportunities for co-ops and new grads to work inl\1oumainvie\v or Manhattan, Nevill-Manning replied that both offices would still consider Canadian applicants regardless of the new office in \Y,!aterloo and that Google is grcrwi,ng in aU directions. The Waterloo office will primarily start out in mobile applications technology such as SMS Google searching and Google Maps on ceil phones, but the office has the potential to grow into other technologies over time. If the success of their recruitment event is reflective of their popularity with the student body, Googlc has been met in W~terloo \\"ith a warm and appreciative welcome.

Alrud much blowing snow and frigid winds, Johnston commenced the ceremony by saying, "these are the winds beneath our wings and they are ready to take off." johnston ~aid the school, which will be accepting students for the 2007/08 school year, \>'ill "address a pressing shortage of pharmacists across Canada." Zehr said it was "an auspicious day both in the historv of Kitchener, the citv of Waterloo, and for that matter, the Region 'of \'7aterloo."

Talk about zen! A 15 year-old boy has been mediL'ltingfor 10 months\\':ithout food or water, He's also reputed to be the next Buddha- but that's not all, now he's disappeared. Ran Bal1adur Banjan had been meditating in a jungle under a tree in Kathmandu, Nepal, when he disappeared on Sunday, .March 5. Police reported he'd been seen walking southward early Saturday morning. He'd been sitting under a tree, motionless with his eyes closed since May 17, 2005. His clothes were found discarded ncar where he had been meditating. Everyday, thousands of visitors 路went to see him meditating, believing him to be the reincarnation of Buddha. Visiting Buddhist monks believed he had genuinely been mediating for montl1s, but that he was not in tact a reincarnation of Buddha. Although the area is known for a large number of communist rebels, foul play is not suspected. Police said they think that Banjan just "wandered off." No food or water for 10 months ... and then he jusn,vanders off without _ his dothes. Something tells me this boy isn't all there. NIaybe they should caU Dr. Phil.

See PHARMACY, page 7

acsanady@imprint.uwaterioo.ca

W breaks ground for Kitchener campus Ashley Csanady IMPRINT STAFF

The University of Waterloo's latest satellite campus, the School of Pharmacy took the first steps to accepting students with the groundbreaking commencing the construction of the new health sciences campus in downtown Kitchener. President of UW DalridJohnston, joined I<itchener Mayor Carl Zehr, Ontario's Minister of Health' and Long-Term Care George Smitherman, director of the new School of

The mayor of the Tasman District in New Zealand wants the local nude bike ride called off. Not for the hardcore nudity, but for the lack of protection ~- helmets -that is, John Hurley, the mayor in question, said the police would look foolish if they allowed the race to continue for a third vear in a row. The legalit Jp of the race has often been question, but no action has been taken as of yet. The goal of the race is to promote safe cycling, but I-Judey says that police should be en-couraging the use of helmets. Approximately 100 people are anticipated to participate in the clothing-optional race. Looks like there is going to be a lot of disappointed Ne\v Zealanders, I'm with the mayor on this, however, no protection, no ride.

Pharmacy Jake Theissan and many others on Tuesday, March 14 in celebrating the com. mencement of a new chapter in U\V's history~ The event was held at the corner of King Street and Victoria Street, the future site of UW's satellite health sciences campus. Starting with the School of Pharmacy the newest edition to U\'\;1 will offer an optometry clinic, the Centre for Family Medicine, a residency program for students ,vishing to specialize in familvmedicine as well as a satellite campus of Mcl\iaster University's Michael G. Degroote School of Medicine.

FRIDAY, MARC~ 17, 2006

Intellectualizing polygamy Adam Johns IMPRINT, STAFF

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Have you ever mused about the nature of monogamy, or wOndered if polygamists have a favourite wife? Have you ever been in a relationship where you weren't sure if it was based on love or just really good sex? Last week, UW's Public anthropology Lecture Series turned its eye toward . these and sinlilar topics, with a talk by visiting University of Nevada cultural anthropologist .W~ Jankowiak entided ''A Case for Emitional Monogamy: Ethnographic El1quiries into Sex, Love, and Intimacy." Professor Jankowiak's wOrk explores romantic love and evolutionary .' theory conceminghuman romantic attachment: Throughout his career, he has researchedromarice and sexuality by studying. polygamous Mormons, American swingers, social life and family iQtimacy in urban China; and has authored numerous books on the topic. His lecture, whicl1 took place Wednesday, March 8 in PAS 2083, contained a number of eye-openi" ibg insights into the nature of romantic love and sexual attraction, and how. these two drives are ,.. , reconciled by human cultures. During the lecture, Jankowiak argued that sex and love, two emotions closely intertwined in human relations~ps, are !lctually contradictory. While romantic love is essentially exclusive

- it can only be satisfied by one person, sexual impulses are the opposite, in that they can be satisfied by almost anyone. Additionally, recent science has demonstrated tharboth emotions are characterized by radically different neurochemical states. "Sexuality," he summed up "is a different logic than love; it demands a different kind of involvement." As the talk went on, Jankowiak examined the responses various human cultures have taken towards reconciling love and sex. One of the key ways cultures do this is by regulating how they talk about love :)1ld sex, with what is called a public discourse. The polyerotic discourse

treats sex as a matter-of-fact topic; it is openly discussed in public. In contrast, the de-erotic discourse treats explicit sexual metaphors as taboo - think Victorian England. Finally, the so-called ''American'' discourse idealizes non-sexualized romantic love, and celebrates public displays of love, as long as they're not sexual (in contrast to the polyerotic discourse, which disapproves of public displays of love!) So what is the dominant discourse in our culture? Whereas the swinging '60s and '70s saw North America take a turn towards a ·dominantpolyerotic discourse, the current climate in North America seems to be moving back towards a de-erotic context. . After further relating some of his observations on pologamy (apparendy it's a failure in every culture), Prof. Jankowiak concluded his lecture with a few main" points. Sex and love, two of mankind's most powerful emotions, exist in conflict with each other, and every culture hall to find a way to reconcile them. While a society may have a set public di~course for discussing sex and love, this discourse is often at odds with private behaviour.. All and all, the. lecture offered some enlightening insights into human relationships and cultural views on . love and sexuality. It defInitely showed the sexy' side of cultural anthropology. ajohns@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

The leaders that walk among us everyday. THIS Is YOUR WORLD Last week I had the opportunity to help John Andersen and Michelle Zakrison select the winners of the President's 2006 Leadership Awards. John Andersen received nominations for 35 individuals on campus and there were oftcm multiple nominations. As a tribute to the quality of the nominations, itwasn'teasytryingto narrow the list down to the final 10 that received the awards on March 16. Leaders don't stay seated and hope that someone else will make things better. Instead they do it themselves. Among the winners this yeat: is Sarah Lewis, the president of UW's Engineers WithoutBorders chapter. As one person said, "you don'dead a chapter, so much as live the chapter." Severalof thewinners seIflesslygave their time forthe sake of others. Perhaps the most· touching example is that of Karim Lallani who was able to coax thousands of dollars out of friends and faculty of engineeringto support Vmce Fazari and his battle with cancer. Essentially, that's the goal of leader-

ship: to make the world a better place than the way you found it. I could say more, but it is perhaps best to let the nominators speak for the winners themselves. The winners are listed with oniyoneortwoof themytiadofleadership roles that they have filled.

Heather Anderson " W'PIRG Board, Food Not Bombs "She has continually demonstrated the ability to move beyond her own agendas to ensure that a greater diversity of voices and needs are both represented and addressed."

Graeme Baer . Frosh Week, Engineering Explorations ''1 believe thatthe true test of leadership is the ability to inspire others to be strong leaders themselves."

Sabrina Bowman ERSA, ]SA executive "Sabrina's contribution to student life will oudast her 'presence after she graduates, in the people she has helped and inspired."

Donna Craig SoftEng Girls Nightfounder ''What -separates Donna from the rest of the student leadership crowd is thatDonnatruthfullyandseriouslycares about.trying to make.a difference fur each and every student at Waterloo." '.

Karim Lalltmi Vince Fazari fundraising campaign

"He inspired the entire [engineering;! society to rise against t}le terrible .disease that robbed us of one of our classmates and in the end raised over" $18,000 in two weeks."

Nick Lawler Engineering Society President and ambassador "He is humbly dedicated to his involvement, .preferring to allow others to take the credit."

Sarah Lewis EWB President . "Sarah is a very' innovative and creative leader, who has put Engineers Without Borders on the map at uw.'

SamirPakl Math FOCI SOC "Samirisadifferentkindofleader. Character is his main strength [...] His oudook on life is something we could all learn from."

Hakura Sho/i YUille Peace Project "She lives the life of [the] Yume (dream) Project by uniting people in the community."

Michael Tersigni MathSoc mid EngSoc volunteer ''Whileinleadership positions, I was available to givepeopleadviceandlisten to /People] and did what I thought was best for the society, regardless of the popular opinion of everyone else." nmooksoulis@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

FRIDAY. MARCH 17, 2006

Wilfrid Laurier and UW bar agreement dissolves Tim Alamenciak EDITOR-iN-CHIEF

Acollaboration between UW andLaurierrecendyfell apart. LastSeptember, the on-campus bars enacted a working policy to allow Laurier students to enter any bar on campus without a UW student signing them in. The agreement was made to "make it easier on our sign-in policy," said John Fedy, director, business operations. Prior to the tentative agreement, students from Laurier needed to be' signed in by a UW student. Visiting Laurier bars incurred the same task: you needed a Laurier student to sign you in. According to Fedy UW's oncampus bars initially began allowing Laurier students in "in good faith." They had hoped that WLUSU would follow suit by allowing UW students in to their on campus bars, the Turret andWilf's. WLUSU didn't reciprocate the actions of Feds: "Laurier didn't seem interested, so we decided to go back to the way it has been for many years." According to Fedy, there are approximately 50-75 Laurier students at Bomber on their busy nights - Wednesday and Saturday. Fedyre-

marked, "[Thech.ange] hasn't affected business much. We didn't notice any difference last Saturday, and we'll see what happens this week." The relationship with Laurier and UWhas been a topic of focus recently. WLUSU and Feds collaborated in February for PolarJam, a concert and snowboard expo combined. While collaboration has been a recent subject, relations between the two student bodies have been questionable. Last week rumours travelled around regarding a Laurier takeqver of Bomber. Fedy confirmed this was the plan and added, "I was watching how many Laurier students came that night. I countec;l a total of 51. They were just more identifiable because they were all wearing Laurier shirts." . The Laurier students who have attended since reverting back to the original policies didn't seem to notice their access being restricted once again. '''There were no complaints sent my way," said Fedy. When asked if the agreement will be attempted again in the future, Fedy said '''That will be up to the bar directorate and WLUSU." editor@imprint.UW8terloo.ca

MICHAEL L. n..,'/r::NlonATI

UW Alternative Fuels Team outreach co-ordinator and systems design student Alain Boutros shows off a morsel of gadgetry to a professor at last weekend's "Science to Business: The Driving Force;' conferen~ organized by Science Committee of Revolutionary Undergraduate Business Students (SCRUBS). In its second year, the conference featured representatives from a variety of technology firms and an Innovation Challenge where student participants vied to create unique business concepts.

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FRIDAY, MARCH 17, 2006

AMPUS CLIPS Emma Tarswell IMPRINT STAFF

UW FIT helps engineers InnovateI

Every year, fourth-year engineering students must choose a design project idea and design it. The UWInnovate! Design conference; which is being held on March 22 at the South Campus Hall Festival Room, brings these students' and professors' ideas together. UW Prof. Larry Smith and Chairman and Chief Technology Officer of Penguin Automated Systems Inc. Greg Baiden will both be speaking at this event. Smith is to discuss problems which can be addressed by a design project and Baiden will be giving an industry look on the designing process. UWInnovatel hopes that this event will bring engineering students together and that they can all learn from each others' designs. The 7Vent ~ at 5 p.m. and members of any campus faCUlty are invited.

dents struggling academically, they also offer a free used textbook resource. The site buys and sells used textbooks from sttidents, giving them the best price for the materials that they need in order to complete their studies. If you find yourself in need of help in any . subject visit www.i-tutor.ca· UWShop 'til you drop

Thewinnerof the UWShop Shopping Spree has been named. Earlier in the term, the UWShop placed items in their window and asked students to guess the price of the items inside. . Kristina Owens, a UW student on her work term, had the closest guess to the contents in the UWShop window. Her guess was $986.54, which was only 28 cents off the actual price of the window's contents. On March 21, the UWShop will be re-opening after a month and a half of renovations. At 12:30 p.m. Owens will be able to claim her prize, a 3D-second shopping spree. Everyone is invited to come watch and cheer her on during her shopping spree. At the re-opening prizes will also be given outto customers throughout the day and anyone spending over $100 will be given a $10 gift card for the UWShop.

Civil rights leader to speak at UW

I-tutoris for you Ever wonder where i-tutor came from or what it is? Founded by a University of Waterloo student, Ehsan Sarrafian, in the fall of 2004, i-tutor is a free online resource for students to find qualified tutors. Tutors come from a variety of universities and offer a diverse number of courses, ranging from algebra to Italian, that they can help students in. All have their own rates and schedules available for students in need. Not only does i-tutor supply tutors for stu-

Minnijean Brown Trickey, a member of the African-American group the "Little Rock Nine" will be coming to the University of Waterloo to give a speech on diversity. Hosted by Dr. Andrew Hunt from the department of history and the Universit}rofWaterloo "One Waterloo" Diversity Awareness Campaign, Trickey will be discussing the battle against discrimination and racism in North America. . . Trickeyin 1957 facedarflObalongwith 1,200 soldiers while trying to desegregate Central High, a school in Little Rock, Colorado. After

this event she continued her work for civil rights and received the u.s. Congressional Medal, the Wolf Award, the Spingam Medal and many other awards. She also worked for the Clinton administration as the deputy assistant secretary of the Department of the Interior. This event will take place on March 28 at 8 p.m. in the Humanities Theatre in Hagey Hall. . The event is also free. Math prof recieves national honour

Prestigious faculty member Jim Geelen is to be awarded the Coxeter-James Prize, an award given out by the Canadian Mathematical Society. The prize will be awarded this June at the University of Calgary and is only given to mathematicians who have made large contributions to mathematical research. Geelen is no exception to the history of outstanding mathematicians who have received this award in the past. Judges of the award have described Geelen as an "outstanding talent" and feel that the work he has done with combinatorics and optimization is very creative. He has writren over 30 papers, some of which were collabratory efforts with other mathematicians, has solved mathematical problems thought to be impossible and has studied around the world. After finishing school, he was awarded many fellowships and won many other important math priZes such as a Premier's Research Excellence Award from the Province of Ontario in 2000. Geelen is now an associate professor of combinatorics and optimization and is the Canada Research Chair in Combinatorial Optimization. Combinatorics studies discrete structures and their properties and optimization studies the maximizing and minimizing functions subject to specified boundary conditions.

Corrections In the March 1.0 article "New health promotion centre holds open house, itwas mentioned that "Health Services is the new home to Leave The Pack Behind." In reality, L~ave The Pack Behind has been housed at Health Services for three years. As well, Gibson should have been quoted as saying, "If students are sexually active, we are not promoting abstinence; we're promoting safe sex. Clearly, we do not want students who are abstinent to start having sex. We promote abstinence as the right choice for many students." IF

Announcements 2005 National Co-op Student of the year Jit Seng Chen, 3A Actuarial Science 2005 Ontario Co-op Student of the Year Kayan Ma, 4B Systems Design 2005 UW Co-op Students of the Year Shaneika Bailey, 3B Social Development Nicole Bradley, 4B Health Studies Heather O'Hagan, 4B Enviro/Business Tasneem NakhOocla, 3B SciencelBusiness Read next wf)ek's Imprint for exclusive interviews with the winnersl

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FRIDAY. MARCH 17, 2006

Sask student paper caught IPharmacy: a home for "innovative" program in new cartoon scandal I Brian Fang IMPRINT STAFF

A controversy has engulfed the University of Saskatchewan's campus newspaper, The Sheaf, for its publication of a cartoon depicting Jesus performing oral sex on a "capitalist" pig. The drawing, printed with the paper's issue on March 2, has led to criticism and condemnation from various groups in Saskatchewan and across Canada. According to the cartoonist Jeff MacDonald, thc work was supposed to show the double standards Christians have after not being offended by the notorious Danish cartoons printed in January. However, many saw The Sbeaf'.r cartoon of Jesus insulting to all of Christianandom. The Saskatoon Christian Centre dems.nded all funding for The Shea/be until the entire editorial staff Other organizations, the Catholic Civil Rights U~C'h""" expressc~d disappointment the paper's decision to publish the political comic. In addition, Saskatchewan's l1uman Rights Commission stated it had received many complaints about the cartoon. The paper has also been accused of implementing unjust standards in regard to its decision not to publish the Prophet Muhummad cartoons in its February 23 issue. This led to the resignation of The Shetlj':. news editor "violating free

speech." In addition, boycotts of the student newspaper have formed due to this uproar, with reports of numerous The Sheafpapers thrown into garbages around the USask campus. In response to this public outcry, The Sheaf's editor-In-chief Will Robbins resigned from his post, apologizing for what he called a mistake never meant to be included in the issue. After L~e resignation, The Sheaf:, board of directors issued a statement saying, " ... while the board is of the view that the "Capitalist Piglet" comic is not consistent with The Sheaf;' objectives, nor its previous editorial policy, we \\-ish to make dear that our acceptance of his resignation was based ptimarily on his failure to carry out his duties diligently." However, Jeff Macdonald remains unapol ogetic.ln a letter addressed to The Sheaf, he expressed that people were over-reactL.'1g to his drawing, saying the cartoon, " .. .is not just a shock comic. It is an important rncssage." This incident will be discussed further at the paper's general meeting on March 24, where policy change is expected to commence for Tbe Sherif. . University of Saskatchewan President Peter MacKinnon has also demanded a formal apology from the whole editorial staff in response to the cartoon fiasco. bfong@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Lakehead Universi shop in Orillia Veronique Lecat IMPRINT STAFF

Lakehead University has already begun accepting Fall 2006 applications for students interested in attending their new satellite campus, located in OrilJia, Ontario. The Oriilia campus will focus on multidisciplinary programs; the programs they are em:rerltlv offering are bachelor of arts science (BASc) and honours bachelor of arts and science (HBASc), both of which can be done along with a bachelor of education primary/junior (BEd). Dr. Fred Gilbert, president of Lakehead University said in a press statement, "Lakehead University's new campus in Orillia will offer students the chance to experience a unique combination of arts and sciences, offering a solid post-secondary education and flexibility at the same time." When asked why the Thunder Bay-based university wanted to open a campus in Orillia, Dr. Laurie Hayes, vice president academic and pro\'ost at the university, replied, "Lakehead University was approached by the city of Orillia and invited to consider the possibility of opening a satellite campus there." Hayes continued to say, "Some of the program needs in Orillia were good matches for the capacities of Lakehead lJniversity." ''1neHBAScisnotavailableinmanv places in Ontario; this is the progr~ that will be concurrent with a primary/ junior program in the (lmASc/Bt~)." Hayes commmted whm asked what differentiated the Orillia programs for other concurrent programs. Some of the specialities that students can mix-and-match include

sets up

indigenous studies, sociology, computer science and women's studies, which they can take while obtaining their BEd. Orillia campus will also offer professional programs in fields such as forestry and medicine. A statement on Lakehead's website states that the programs 'Will be consistent with "the City of Orillia's interests in such areas as international studies, Aboriginal studies and tourism."Tourism and international studies, however, aren't listed as being offered. Hayes explained this by saying, "Yes, some form of tourism program is surely on the agenda for future years. We were just tmable to get that program organized in time last fall ... As well, we anticipate working with En;t Nations partners in future academic initiatives." Hayes also mentioned that, "a co-op program is not part of the academic plan for the first few years of ll1e Or'Jlia campus." UW's associate provost of acadernic affairs stated "the opening of the new Orillia campus that Lakehead will open in September will provide students with one more choice regarding arts and science studies, which most campuses offer,including U\v." He added, however, that, "u\V does not offer a BEd degree." Lakehead has already appointed a director of operations for the new campus, Dr. Sally-Ann Burnett, who will take up her post on April 3. Her previous job was as director of the Broadstairs Campus of the Canterbury Christ Church University in the United Kingdom. For more information on applying to OriIlia campus, visit http:/ / admissions.lakeheadu.ca/wp/?id:::62 vlecat@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Some of the School of Pharmacy's largeststakeholders helped to kick off the facility's construction in downtown Kitchener earlier this week. From left to right: Kitchener Mayor Carl Zehr, Health Minister George Smitherman, the School's new director Dr. John Thiessen, UW president David Johnston, MP Karen Redman and MPPs Elizabeth Witmer and John Milloy. Continued from page 3 The Schoo] of Pharmacy is the result of a partnership between the City of Kitchener and the University of Waterloo, which Zehr called "the realization of an important dream." The project was bolstered by the City of Kitchener's $30 rnillion commitment and land grant. Johnston said UW is "fortunate to have a committed partner like the City of Kitchener, that believes in this project as passionately as we do." "It's about more than money, this is an investment in people ... an investment in health care;' Zehr stated. He added that it's "a milestone for higher education in Waterloo Region." Emphasizing Johnston's earlier point that "a comprehensive university must have substantial roots in the health sciences." Thi.essen said that the new campus will be "a living, breathing, ftmclamental part of this community."

"Our government is really proud . .. to see Waterloo region stepping forward even more as an integral part of the Province of Ontario," said

"It's about more than money, this is an investment in people ... an investment in health care" -Kitchener Mayor CarlZehr

Smitherman, speaking on behalf of the provincial government on the positive effect that this new campus will have on the entire community.

Thiessen said they are currently "finalizing an innovative curriculum" for the school and they "have the privilege of starting from a blank slate, at a world-class university." An eight-story tower, as well as two other wings will be open and operational for the fall 2007 term. The School of Pharmacy will be accepting 120 students to begin their studies i.."1 September 2007. The school "will be unique in its educational experience and in its approach to creating integrate health care," according to Thiessen. The UW school ,,'ili be the only School of Pharmacy to offer coop in Canada and o;Jly the second to open in the last 60 years. Once completed, the school will house 480 undergraduate students, 70 graduate students :l.'1d 50 members of faculty and administraTion. acsanady@imprintuwaterloo.ca

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FRIDAY, MARCH 17, 2006

PINION .

Friday, March 17, 2006 -

VoL 28, No. 31

Steps to -a corporate campus

Student Life Centre, Room 1116 University of Waterloo

Wlitetloo, Ontario N2L 3Gl P: 519.888.4048 F: 519.884.7800 lmprint.uwatedoo.ca Editor-in-chief, Tim Alamenciak editor@imprint.uwaterlOo.ca Advertising & Production Manager, Laurie Tigert-Dumas ads@imprint.uwaterloo.ca General Manager, Catherine Bolger cbolger@imprint.uwaterloo.ca . Editorial Staff ASlIistant Editor, Stephanie Theis

•'

Covet Editor, Irshad Mulla

Photo Editor, vacant , Assistalit Photo Editor, vacant Graphics Editor, Claire Mousse<tu Assistant Graphics Editor, Aiden Stanley Web Editor, Cheolsoo Park Assistant Web Editor, vacant Systems Administrator, Gau1:!UIl Khanna Sys. Admin. Assistant, vacant Lead Proofreader, Suzanne Gardner Proofreader, Scott Houston Proofreader, Paul Marcbwica Proofreader, Veronique Lecat Proofreader, Brian Fong Office Staff Volunteer Coordinator, Jessie Quinn Distribution, Tiffany Dejak

opinion@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Opinion Editor: Wasim Parka! Opinion Assistant: Vacant

University is a place for opportunity. It is a place for the innovators an~ geniuses of our world to grow together and. form the future. It is a place where you can get·good, fairly obtained coffee from stuqent-run businesses. I mean, mostly student-run businesses. Over the past few years UW has been indoctrinated info the Tim Hortons family. We boast a whopping three Tim Hortons on campus, all serving wads of coffee and of course tossing out lots and lots of cups. I see them scattered all over - especially now with the bright red and yellow roll up the rim cups. Imagine my surprise when I heard mutterings of installing yet another Tim Hortons in South Campus Hall. According to Danny Lee, assistant director of cash operations, ''We're still in the process.

There has been a proposal, but nothing else." Lee Elkas, director of Food Services, followed ~ by saying, ''We're still investigating. We've ~ talked to Tim Hortons, but I haven't seen any cost figures at this point." While it's my namesake, this coffee shop doesn't top my list for the best coffee ever. Add on top of that all the environmental issues and the lack of fair trade options, I just don't feel like drinking it at all anymore. Luckilywe have a choice. 1 can easily go to Turnkey or Brubakers and grab a cup of joe. And Turnkey's coffee card (only if you use a permanent mug) gives you a free coffee after five. Damn good deals, if you ask me. Butwhat about mums and dads wandering into South Campus Hall to tour the bookstore with fledgling students? Instead of seeing a cultural and classy . shop like Bookends, they'll see the same Tim Hortons as everywhere else. Bland, streamlined and probably decked out with one of " those TVs advertising how their doughnuts go through a waterfall of icing and come out magically glistening. But university isn't supposed to he about carbon copy coffee shops. It's about innovation - we've all heard the speeches. Students are the future of tomorrow.

While innovation in coffee shops may pale in comparison to Google, it's still vital for our world to consider some change - particularly in the neighbourhood of sustainability. Tim Hortons doesn't do too much to help. UWSP co~ordinator, Darcy Higgins agrees, "Tim Hortons is popular, but environmentally wasteful." I've heard stories of some employees using a regular cup to measure coffee, putting it in a lug-a-mug, and chucking the paper cup. Kinda defeats the purpose, eh? Not to mention the whopping five cent discount reusable mug carriers are privy to. I mentioned Turnkey's system before - five' coffees in a mug gets you one free. It's like being part of a special sustainable coffee club. They gave me a card, but no silly hats. Well, the campus is always expanding arid growing. This is something we cannot get away from, nor should we. We should, however, consider carefully the direction of advancement. We could pepper the campus with Tim Hortons, maybe throw in a McDonalds or .two and a Wal-Mart for good measure. Orwe could leave Bookends, a classy introduction to our campus aild encourage new students to look outside the waterfall of icing. editor@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

IAI FLIES

Distribution, Amy Pfaff . Advertising Assistant, ~ YiJun Chen Sales Assistant, Jason Kenny Board of Directors board@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

I can't believe I got shot down by friendly fire from ' my own wingman. \

President, Dan Micak president@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Well how the hell. was I supposed to know she was

adiobetic?

Vice-president, Sarah Allmendinger vp@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Treasurer, Jeff Anstett treasurer@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Secretary, vacant' secretary@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Staff liaison, Darren Hutz staf£liasion@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Production Staff Dean Whelton, Emma Tarswell, ~Iru:gie Mansell, Jessie Quinn, Simon Yarrow, Shivaun Hoad, Michael Davenport, Andrew Smart, Timothy H. Mollison, Simon Yarrow

Conservative Jews sliding toward the left.

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Next board meeting: March 22, 2006 12 p.m. SLC Room 1116

TYPE-INSTE 0 Back in 1992, the Committee on Jewish Law and Standards (CJLS) - a group of 25 Jewish legal experts who set policy for Conservative Judaism - sat down and voted overwhelmingly that Jewish law was clear when it came to gays and homosexuality. They declared that the admission of openly gay individuals to rabbinical or cantorial schools was forbidden, as well performing gay unions or marriages of any sort. This was no real surprise at the time. The gay-rights movement had not gained nearly the traction or momentum which it has now, so this law stood largely without ~hallenge. However, this group is beginning to rethink. its position. In a recent meeting held in Maryland, the CJLS decided to hold a vote in December to re-address the relationship between the LGBTQQ community and the Conservative Jewish movement. This vote was originally planned to take place a couple weeks ago, but it was postponed to allow time

to revise the four separate proposals before the committee. Now, while it was unfortunate that the vote was postponed, this is still highly significant. The Conservative Jewish movement, despite its name, has held the more centrist position of the three, major Jewish sects, flanked by the strict Orthodox and the liberal Reform movements. As such, the Conservative Jewish movement has worked to adhere to halacha -Jewish law and tradition - whiJe still working to accommodate shifts in societal views and opinions. Representing an estimated two million Jews within the us. alone, the decision that stems fromDecember'svotewillhavehugeramifications for the Conservative Jewish movement" deciding whether or not openly gay rabbis could be ordained, gay unions could be recognized and performed, and if the movement itself would stand up in support of same-sex marriage legislation within the US. The CJLS's decisions are not binding, but instead set direction and guidelines for rabbis of the Conservative movement. Above and beyond that, this vote is also showing awiIlingness to distance themselves from the knee-jerk styled reactions seen from the Vatican and other religious groups. "This is a very difficult moment for the movement," according to Rabbi Joel H. Mey-

ers, a member of the CJLS, ''There are those who are saying, don't change the halacha, ... the heterosexual ,family has to be maintained. On the other hand is a group within the movement who say, look, we will lose thoughtful younger people if we don't make this change, and the movement will look stodgy and behind the times." Daniel Klein,a rabbinical student who helps lead Keshet, a gay rights group, noted "It's part of [Jewish] tradition to change, so we're entirely within tradition by changing the halacha to be'more in line with modern attitudes. Even if the ban isn't lifted now, change is almost inevitable." Klein said, "Imagine what will happen 10 years from now when some of my colleagues are on the law committee, when people from my generation are on the law committee. It's not going to be a close vote." Indeed, this is a situation thatmanyreligjous groups are beginning to face. With dwindling attendance numbers and reduced congregations, the choice facing religious groups is ironically Darwinist: adapt or fade into the background. The only thing left to see is whether this adaptlttion will cO!l).e sooner, later or too' late. >

gbarclay@imprint.uwaterioo.ca

FRIDAY. MARCH 17, 2006

r ~ n by h first The classic breakup stereotypeinmovies and books is one of a brokenhearted girl mooning over her lost man, and her boy hitting all the strip clubs and inevitably getting over the relationship faste.! than you can say "asshold"· In reality; and in more recent movies, this stereotype has proven false. It is now the men who moon over the women and obsess, well, forever. I have a theory. Recently, while watching the movie Great Expectations, I realized just how widespread the use of the theory has become. The tables have tll1'r:edinmoviesandbooksandnowit's who pine for the women. My isn't limited to pop I.:ulture and fictional characters. It applies to real life as wel!'l will not, however, drag real life into this - I will just use pop culture to prove my point

My theory is: guys of all ages only ever fall for one'Wuman. Nowyoumight sa)~ well of course everyone is meant for one person blah, blah, blah. The tbing is, most of the guys don't actually end up "lith these women - they are just permanently screwed up by them. \XThether this happens at seven or 37 depends on tlle guy, but it can also be very random. The first woman any guy falls for, really falls for, "Jjfl entirely mess up his relationships for the rest of his life. For some guys, they meet this woman at a really young age, as is the case in Great E'lCj!t!C!ations. They spend the rest of tlIcit Jives chasing after her or potentially settling for someone who lrinda looks like' her. They become the really sensitive guys, who fall hard for every girl they date, because in their minds, she is subconsciously that same first girl over and over. Now guys who don't fall for anyone until they are older become the players and womanizers - that is until they meet her, the girl that will mess them up -- and screw over the rest of the women in their lives - forever. These guys are luckier, because the older they

are, the more likely they are to actually end up with the girl. You might argue everyone has that first love that they never funy get over, but this is differem from that 111is is the girl who gets inside his head and messes with him forever. Mterthat one girl, every relationship he has afterward is tainted because he nl.>Yergets over her. It doesn't even necessarily need to be a relationship, it can just be the girl next door he always loved but never got. Look at Ross on FriendJ~ I Ie always had a thing for Rachel, and although they never got together until much later in life, she messed him up forever even ruining at least one of his marriages. First love, and the girl that me.5ses a guy up are entirely different things however they do coincide. I guess the best thingwe can hope for is to be that first girl, or atleast find a guy who hasn't been messed with yet and be tlle one to screw him up - otherwise, women even'Where are destined to be second play~t or replacement for tlL<'lt girl who really got him, until she broke his heart and shattered his mind forevet_

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Harper makes sha y moves

It's come to my attention recently that people can us~ 36 days in extr~mely differently ways. Take me for example. In the past five weeks and a bit I've written five midterms, two lab reports, a design report, completed one project, travelled to two different countries in two different continents, contributed fiv-e Inlj.Jlint articles and still managed to have time to camp out in front of the 'IV for a two-week Olympic binge. Not bad, eh? On the complete other side of the spectrum, however, rests Stephen Harper, who in tbe same amount of tinle has done little more than render himself a hypocrite. Let me e}.-plain. For most of tbe non-existent winter, Harper was on a crusade through Canada in an effort to smite unethical politicians (in his opinion, the entire Liberal Party) and eradicate them from Ottawa. ''Accountability'''' this, "Etbics Commissioner" that - we heard

it all. What a load of BS that turned out to be. Harper's <;abinet, while streamlined (a concept lacking by most governments) included David Emerson, a member of Parliament elected to represent a party other than the Conservatives, as well as a personal friend of his who wasn't even elected at all! ~'hile I may not have the best grasp on what ethical decision-making looks like in political form, I can say for certain that this isn't it. What Stephen Harper has done is slimy to say the least and should absolutely result in a meeting¥.1th the ethics commissioner, as has been lobbit.'<l for bv numerous members of Parliament. I~stead, Harper's strategy is to weave and duck the issue that paints him as a hypocrite and cm\-1Ird - two qualities I don't typically like to associate with tbe Prinle WIinister's Office. That he won't co-operate should not come as a surprise to the people of Canada, but rather as a disappointment. The Conservative campaign centred around the issue of ethics in government, something I believe is sttongly needed if Canadians' faith in our parliamentary system is ever to be restored. Harper's silence contributes nothing to this, and he should

absolutely be reprimanded along side his partner-in-crime, the narcissistic Emerson. While ethics in general is an area tilled of enough grey to make it an intriguing and worthwhile topic to debate both academically and socially, there really isn't much to dispute about this topic. The decision to evcn attempt to bribe an opposition MPwith the promise of a cushy cabinet post mere weeks after an election is shady at the best of times, and certain political death in the worst of them. ForStephm Harper, evenif theEthlcs Commission eventually ck-ars him of wrongdoing, he will undoubtedly be fOurld guilty in the court of public opinion if for nothing more than bad timing. In the live-and-let-die realm of Canadian politics, "bad timing" is often synonymous W1th "your time is up". Ibirty-six days, it seems, ,,1IS about 36 too many for him to handle. For the sake of progressive Canadians everywhere; I can only hope that Harper's reign as Prime l'V[inister won't live to see another 36. Besides, ethics might be the least of our worries at that point kruch@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

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FRIDAY, MARCH 17, 2006

Capitalist c ntries r eal th irhypocrisy

We'veallheardreportafterreportabout the big stink raised over the cartoons published in Denmark that depicted the Islamic prophet Muhammad as a suicide bomber. The cartoons, as we all know, generated worldwide uproar and protest and offendedMuslims demanded revenge. Meanwhile, stubborn "free speech" advocates urged Western publications toreprintthecartoon~

Many strongly condemned the Some insolent folks wanted to see them .published everywhere. However, the consensus position cartoo~

seemed to be that while the Danish newspaper does have the right to publish the cartoons, the only obvious purpose was to offend and freedom of speech needn't extend to deliberately insulting a religion. Nowhere was anger over the cartoons more widespread and overblown than in Iran. In fact, an Iranian newspaper's contest for Holocaustrelated cartoons, as retaliation for the Danish cartoons, has drawn some 700 entries from 200 people, with some drawings mocking the SeCond World .. War slaughter, one entry shows Jews going into a gas pipeline. Are these cirt60ns offensive and inappropriate? Of course. Are they any worse than the Danish cartoons? Definitelynot. Don't dishitif youcan't take it. Enough hypocrisy alreadyI A recent event that, surprisingly, failed to register with the mainstream media was the story at the University

of Saskatchewan, where the student newspaper, The Sheaf, published what some called ~ "graphic, anti-Christian cartoon" that depicted Jesus performing oral sex on a pig, intended to represent a "capitalist pig." Christian groups on the campus were outraged, and the paper called the publication "a mistake." As a Christian mys~ I of course would question theneedtopublish such a cartoon. But hey, shit happens! SowhatifJesus sucks on a capitalist pig'scock?Jesuswouldneverhavebeen a supporter of the capitalist system, at least not the one in place today. His existence was one of love, helping the poor, healing die sick and encouraging peace his philosophy appeared to be muclt more collectivist and socialist than capitalist. In this day and age, Christianity's unquestioned loyalty to capitalism is bizarre, given the tendency of the

system to leave the poor behind. Capitalism, in all fairness, does breed greed and selfishness, totally contrary to the teachings of Jesu~ Isitreallysoawfulthatsomecartoon artist made fun of the way Christians disobey their own rules, much like how Islamic suicide bombers disobey their own.rules? If anyone actually believes that true Muslims.killinnocentpeople, theyneed to give their heads a shake. It saddens me to see Western nations setting such a terrible example by pulling some of the same kinds of stunts as the "bad guys" do. Suicide bombingis a sickeningactof terrorism, but why do we tum a blind eye to the seemingly constant reports of Israeli soldiers shooting Palestinian children, bulldOzing homes with families inside and terrorizing the Arab population? Former Israeli education minister ShulamitAlonihas admitted that Israeli

terrorism is worse than any terrorism committed by the Palestinians and compared the country to a racist state such as South Africa of the.past. When a medical study from a trio of universities revealed that 100,000 civilians had been killedin the Iraq war, themediain the West didn't blink. And we think H _ has problems? The despicable double <standard needs to end. The United States talks tough with Iran and, to be sure, Iran's president is a kook. He's unelected, illegitimate and crazy. Still, I can't help butwonderhowdifferentthingswould be if the United States hadn't helped remove Iran's democratically elected leader in 1953? The hypocrisy of the West is stunning. It's no wonder so many in the developing world can't stand our way of doing things. .. mjohnson@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

GLOW initiative envisions an ally in our midst COMMUNI1Y iEOITORIAL Imagine avoiding the Bomber because of the looks you might get when you dance with your partner. Or not being able to hold the hand

of the one you love because you don't feel safe doing so. Or how about keeping a large part of yourself secret for fear of how others might act if you show who you really are? This is what it can be: like for students who are part of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual, queer and questioning (LGBTQQ)' community here on campus. While UW is a leader in innovation, entrepreneurship. and academics, it is not the most open and

welcoming place for LGBTQQ stu~ dents. Take the recent incidences of vandalism in the student life centre. Three times in as many months, a few cowardly people decided to make our campus that much less comfortable for their fellow students. Need more proof? Askyourself this: how many times have you seen a same sex couple on campus hold hands or kiss on campus?' In my 'almo~t five years here, rye seen it maybe twice.

I think that most reasonable people will acknowledge that ho~ mophobia and vandalism is wrong. However, simply acknowledging this doesn't go far enough. It is imperative to make an effort to be more sensitive to the issues facitrg LGBTQQ students and' to reach out to them so that they know they won't be judged because of their sexual orientation. This is why I am going to be . partaking in the Gays and Lesbians

of Waterloo (GLOW) Ally Program training. According to the website "the GLOW Ally Network is a group of University of Waterloo (UW) students, staff and faculty from a wide vari~ty of backgrounds who share the common goal of working towards supporting, embracing and celebrating sexual diversity as well as engendering equality at the uw." . See DIVERSITY, page 11

US BULLETIN UPCOMING Friday, rvlarch 17, 2006 St. Patrick's Day Pub at the Waterloo Inn, 475 King Street, N., Waterloo from 4 p.m. to 1 a.m. For info and tickets call Deanna at 894-0001 or email thedaa@sympatico.ca. InterCOIdia~SJU BBQ fundraiser will be held between the SLC and BIO building, from 11 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. Monday raised will assist students going to Honduras, Ukraine and other countries to live and work in impoverished communities. March 17 - 18, 2006 UW Drama is perfonning "Our Country's Good" in the Theatre of Arts, 2 p.m. Tickets to Saturdays matinee are "pay what you can" with all proceeds helping students' with travel expenses. Monday, March 20, 2006 What do Walt Disney, Tom Cruise and Albert Einstein have in common? Besides all bei~g famous, they were dyslexic. Plan on attending a free seminar at Paul Martin Centre at WLU at 10 a.m. Free breakfast provided. Tuesday, March 21, 2006 UN International Day for elimiQa~ tion of racial discrimination - this year's theme is ,"The Aboriginal Peoples of this Land," 8:30 a.m. to 10 p.m. at Kitchener City Hall. Fot info call 748-9590 or www.crosscultures. ca. A clinic of hope - Dr. Anne-Marie Zajdlik presents "Campaign for Africa" hope for HIV/AIDS victims in Lesotho, at Wilfrid Laurier Universi-

ty, Bricker Academic Building, room 102. Public lecture by Aimee Morrison, PhD, "Industrial utopianism redux: how artifacts of a factory past become symbols of the future." UW Fine Arts department, ECH 1219 at 7 p.m. For info - email ehavlico_@ watarts~uwaterloo.ca.

. Thursday, March路 23,2006 . UW Fine Arts Film Society presents "Be With Me," at 7 p.m. East Campus Hall auditorium 1220. Free admission. For info ext 6923. Friday, March 31, 2006 BREAKOur at Fed Hall! All are invited to the last ACS jam of the semester. Tickets go on sale at the Student Life Centre March 16. For info asc@watservl.uwaterloo.ca .. Saturday, May 13, 2006 Charity yard and ba~e sale to benefit '~dopt-A-Rott" (Ontario) from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. at Creature Comfort, 1553 King Street, N., St. Jacobs. For more info or to donate items, e-mail cmckenty@yahoo.ca or call Chrissy at 579-7843.

VOLUNTEER The City of Waterloo is currently recruiting secretary and operations director for Senior Summer Games Host Committee. Call 888-6488 or 888-0409, or e-mail at volunteer@ city.waterloo.on.ca. Prueter Public School (UnionlLancaster area) needs volunteers td work in classrooms or with individual students. Call Bill Shouldice 578-0910. K-W regions second annual non-violence festival will take place in Wa-

terloo Park on May 13, 2006.in recognition with the international day of non-violence. Volunteers are needed. Please contact www.nonviolencefestival.com for more info. FBN Multimedia is looking for males 18-35, males 35-50, females 25-35. The cast is ensemble style with five main characters, five supporting characters and several bit parts and extras. Also looking for a composer to score the film. Please contact: info@ fbnmultimedia.com or visit .www.fbnmultimedia.com. The YMCA ill seeking dedicated volunteers for our children's global education classes. Teach children about the world around them and valuable experience by getting involved to"day. Classes run Wednesday from 5 to 6:30 p.m. at the Kaufman Family YMCA. For more infonnation contact the International supervisor, Sarah; at 741-8585 or e-mail intemational@kwyffica.org. 2006 National Student Build call路 for volunteers - event is taking place May 6 to 13 in Winnipeg, Manitoba. For more info call Habitat for Humanity Canada 1-800-667~5137 or wWw.studentbuild.ca. Online volunteer applications are due by March 15,2006. Drivers/escorted transportation - seniors need your help. If you are 21 or over and have il vehicle"call or email RAISE about this position. 744-7666 or e-rnail ann@raisehomesupport. com Provide compassionate care to cancer patients! Volunteers are required to provide reception duties in the chemotherapy suite at the Grand

nsse@uwaterloo.ca. Join the GLOW Ally Network! Visit 'watservl.uwaterloo.ca/-glowally, to learn how you can make this campus safe and positive for everyone, including gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered or questioning students, . staff and faculty. Nominations are required for the following seats on Senate: Graduate Student Representatives - two graduate students of the University to be elected by/from the full and part-time graduate students of the University, tenns from May 1,2006 to ApriUO, 2008. Nomination fonus are available from the Secretariat, ext 6125" and from the Secretariat webpage; see http://www.secretariat.uwaterloo. ca/elections/nomelections.htm.At least five nominators are required in each case. Nominations should be sent to the Chief Returning' Of~ ficer, Secretariat, Needles Hall,room 3060 no later than 3:00 p.m., Friday, March 17,2006. Elections will follow CHURCH SERVICE if necessary. Graduate student memtwenty2Odirections: young adult serbers of senate whose terms expire as vice starts at 7:30 p.m. every second of April 30, 2006 and are eligible for and fourth Sunday (March 12 and re-election: Simon Guthrie (optom26) at Koinonia Christian Fellowship, 850 Sawmill Road, Bloomingdale,. etry), Craig Sloss (combinatorics and Optimization). ON. University pickup at UW - 6:45 p.m., SCL and WLU pickup is at 7 p.m., University Ave entrance under the walkway. For more infonnation SERVICES - www.kcf.org. i-TUTOR is a FREE student resouce. ANNOUNCEMENTS We encourage learning and promote Tell us what you think - "National education within Ontairo. Our webSurvey of Student Engagement." All site resource helps tutees find qualifirst year and graduating undergradufied tutors. Tutors are university stuates \viII receive an e-mail SUrvev askdents that are independent of this ing for input about their UW eiperiorganization and hmie their own rate ence. For,info call ext 3989 or e-mail and schedule. http://www.i-tutor.ca.

River Regional Cancer Center. Inquiries can be directed to 749-4300 ext 2613 or e-mail volunteer@grhosp. on.ca. If you have previous Board experience with non-profit, government -funded agencies, as well as experience in fundraising and writing proposals and an interest in promoting literacy in the Waterloo Region, please apply to Carol at 743-6090 ext 226 or e-mail exec.director@literacywaterlooregion.com. Snack bar volunteers required at Breithaupt Center Monday and Wednesday, 12:30 to 4:00 pm, and Friday, 8:30 am to 12:30 pm. For more information contact Leslie, 741-2564 or email volunteer@city.kitchener.on.ca Cheerios Heart & Stroke Walk Committee is in need of volunteers to help with planning this fun, family event. For info contact Erin Killoran at ekiUoran@hsf.on.ca or 571-9600.

FRIDAY. MARCH 17, 2006

ilitar

r e SHORI',

SHmvmID& TIm '~T,lI'T' UT....

When living in a peaceful nation such as ours, it can unfortunately be forgot-· ten at times that there arc other parts of the world in the middle of war as we speak. It can be even more eas'ily forgotten that there are Canadian men and women fighting and dying in these war··torn areas. \Why anyone would give up the comforts and safety of our fair country to fight for people they may never know is beyond the comprehension of most people. But nonetheless, such brave people exist and they continue to go off and risk their lives in places aU but ignored by many outsiders.

\,,'hen electinga prime minister, aside from picking the person who ultimately decides such internal. matters as how much you're going to dish out in t.axes come April, you ate also choosing the individual in charge of external affairs such as our national defense. So basically, ourprime ministermayverywe1l decide on the fates of the lives of Canadian soldiers everywhere. One of the biggest fears that wt."!e held by the more leftist community out there, was that Prime 1\:fi1Ji5tcr Harper's Conservative government would be the furthest to the right yet and would bring Canada that much closer to becoming another America. Harper would supposedly illegalize abortion and gay marriage, privatize everything, and send eVery Canadian soldier to every paft of dle world George W. Bush told him to. Such allegations of Amcticanizarion have obviously been disproven. This was more evident than ever just this past week when Harper

chose to malre Afghanistan the destination of his first foreign visit as opposed to the traditional destination of a ne'W Canadian prime minister's first foreign trip, that being America. He did so out of supportof the 2,200 Canadianttoops stationed there. A visit to America by the Canadian prime minister is supposed to symbolize the indissoluble bond that we share (if only out of convenience) with our neighbours and best friends to the south. That being said, by snubbing Amt.'1ica and visitingi\fgh..anistan first, Hatper has shovl11 that he cares about Canadians first and foremost. 011, and just a friendly reminder for those war-hating Liberals out therc: it was your prime minister that sent those troops out there (without a prior held debate). Harper is only staying true to prior commitments made to the Afghani government. spreisman@imprint,uwaterloo.ca

netwo to promote tolerance IVerSI

Continued from page 10

I believe this program is extremely important because it \ViII help th e participants understand how to be there for LGBTQQ friends, coworkers, professors and staff at the University of \Vaterloo. Further, I have always believed that it is our responsibility as citizens of a diverse society to be understanding, supportive and strong for all people, regardless of how "different" they may be from us. I would encourage all students to participate in th" Ally program training, but especially campus leaders, such as dub and society executives, student government representatives and committee members. You are the ones who. are in a leadership position and

can provide the most support to LGDTQQ students, helping them feel \velcomc and comfortable in our school. The small time commitment for the training could make a big difference to the students YOU interact with every day. Our c~mp~s is not simp]~" an academic institution it is a community. In a community it is vital that everyone has the. opportunity to learn, love and socialize freely in a supportive and under~tanding environment:. For more information on the Ally program, including how to join, you can check the website at: http://watserv1. uwaterloo.

cal - gl~\Vally I.

Sabrina Bowman

Ad/Production Manager: Laurie Tigert·Dumas ads@impr.int.uwatetloo.ca Ad Assistant: Karen YUun Chen

WANJ'.D Week(~l1(i counsellors and relief

staff

to work in homes for individuals with devGiI()jJ'nll~njraicl1alll:O!1I~es. Minimum eight··month commitment. Paid positions. Send femme to Don Mader, KW Habilitation Services, lOS Sydney Street. Kitchener, ON, N2G 3V2. interviews for premier camps in IViassachusetts. Positions available for talented, energetic and fun-loving students as counsellors in all team sports including roller hockev and lacrosse, all individual sports such as tennis and golf, waterfront and pool activities, and specialty activities including art, dance, theatre, gymnastic, newspaper, rocketry and radio. Great salaries, room, board, travel and US summer work visa. From June 17 to August 12. Enjoy a great summer that promises to be unforgettable. This is a great co-op opportunity. Apply now! For more infonnation: \Vinaclu -. wwv;.campwinadu.com (boys): 1-877-694·7463. DanllCc w"yw.eampdanbee.eom (girls): 1-800-392-3752. Interviewer will be on campus Tuesday, March 21, from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. in the Student Life Centre, main floor. Window cleaner required for summer employment in Kitehener. $13 to start, 40-50 hours per week. Fax resume to 893-6829. No highrise, but ladder work involved. Wanted paid and volunteer database driven website developers. Craphic design skills an asset. Cornpetetive salaries for the experienced developer. Quick hire for the competent volunteers. Send resume to hr@meehatrosoft.com Part-time employment fun, games, sports and crafts with after~ school children at Laurelwood Public School. \Valking distancc from the U uiversity. Interested persons should leave a message at 741-8997 before 9:00 pm. Sum~er job .'. work at the beach! Kazwear Swim wear _. full and partlime positions available Grand Bend, Port Staub' and Bayfield. Possible monthly w;{ge increases and bonus. Contact carolkazswim@rogers.com. Mother's helper required for 12 yearold bov who has autism and is non·· verbatApplicant will provide support

for child during outings and summer camps within the community. Must have own vehicle, be creative with activity planning and have some expericnee or desire to work with special nccds individuals. Position begins fviay 1/06, $l(l!hour plus 3.30/km to stmt. E-mail resume to herb.pfeiffer@sympatico.ea.

HOUSING Room for rent for a quiet individual ill a detached home near both universities. Parking and all aIIltnities. Please call 725-5348. 23 High Street - side-street off Hazel. Lease May 1, 2006 to April 30, 2007. $450 pcr persOIl, utilitits included. Licenced group rental for four people, free ensuite washer and dryel~ private entrance, four large bedrooms, front porch, backyard, close to shopping, 15 minute walk to University. For appointment call June or Dun Smith, (416) 491-1370, cell phone (416) 705-5648 or e-mail turtle005@rogers.com. Available nmv - two-bedroom apartment at $900 per month and threebedroom house at $950 plus utilities per month. Available September 2006 - three-bedroom apartment at $395 per room, two-bedroom apartment at $900, five-bedroom apartment at $350 inclusive per roOll1, five-bedroom house at $425 plus utilities per room (on Hazel St) and three-bedroom house at $950 plus utilities per month. For more info call 746-6:;27 or 501··1486. Three-bedroom for . three people -lease May I, Z006 to April 30,2007. $425 per person, utilities included. Free ensnite, washer, dryer, private entrance, backyard, dose to shop.. ping, 15 minutes from university. For appointment call JUlle or Don Smith at (416) 491-1370, cell phone (4l6) 705-5648 or e-mail turtle005@rogcrs.com. Premium '3 bedroom townhouse unit iu ;] professionally managed student complex. Perfect for students, close to U\V campus. Available May and September 2006. Call Perry now at 746-1411 for all the details and to set lip a showing. 1ne Vniversitv of'Ioronto at Mississauga residenZ:cs are now accepting

applications for our summer term 2006 at the low rate of $1,700 for four months. Each summer resident will be placed in a single room two bathrooms, air conditioned, fourperson apartment-style suite. This is a great opportunity for \Vaterloo co-op students working in the Mississauga area. For more info please visit our website at W\vw.utm.utoronto.ca/ residence and click on "summer:' Cheap summer sublets - nice tmvnhouses on Albert Street, close to both universities and RIM. Call Ryan at (519) 375-.5663 for detaiols and prices, ranging from $200 to $300. Three and four-bedroom apartments available September 2006. A IS-minute walk to UW Sixplex is located at 282 Erb Street, with a 12-month lease, $399 per room, utilities included. Building is very clean, laundry on main floor and parking lot. Don't miss out -callShadde at H7-471I or e-mail 282erb@gmail.com. Five/six bedroom century home, large principal rooms, 10' ceilings, uptown \Vaterloo, hardwood floors, verandah, loft, fireplace, garden, laundry, $1,750-$1,8.50. Four bedroom, two storey loft approximatelY 1,800 square feet, utilities included, new kitchen, hardwood floors, two exits, two living rooms, balcony or walkout, laundry, $1,295-$1,495. Call Bianca at 722-1598 from 2-7 p.m. or 635-8934 after 7 p.m ..

May and September leases - clean four-bedroom townouses on Albert Street, each with two bathrooms, free laundry and free parking. As low as $375 per room. Call Ryan at (519) 375-5663. Three rooms available Mav '06 to May '07. One bedroom avaihible September '06 to Sept em her '07 in well kept home. $430 utilities included. Free parking, laundry facilities onsite. Call Pam a! 570-2305. Bungalow house fm rent ivlay 2006. Basement has separate entrance and hathroom. Shared kitchen and wash, room upstairs with three bedrooms. Rent $420-$450 inclusive. Can Divina (905) 257-3628 or (289) 242-6116 or e-mail divinatb@hotmaiLcom. Septemher 2006 - five bedroom, AlberliBearinger, 12 month, $335-4001 person, utilitics extra, internet router, cable, parking, laundry, on bus route, partially furnished, two fridges. Can Troy (905) 743-9899. . September 2006 - basement apartment, 12 month, AlbertlBearinger, private entrance/bath/showel; $595 . utilities extra, internet/cable available, on bus route, parking, partiaHy furnished, close to all amrnenities. Call lroy(905) 743-9899. May 2006 - four bedroom, four month, $300/person, utilities included, Albert/Bearinger, on bus route, common areas furnished, two fridges,

illternet and cable extra but available CaB Troy (905) 743-9899.

••RVlCU Need Funding? CF Media Capital is investing in exciting, unique media opportunities! \Veb~i.tes, Online Applications, Mobile, Video Games, Gaming, Software, Digital Publishing, Video and Animation are our focus. If you arc looking for funding for a great idea or existing product or service, contact us at: stephen(a) cfmediacapitaJ.coITI.

FORSAI.. Coleman gas electric portable generator. 110 and 220 outlet, 6,250 surge, 5,000 running constant, 5 gallon gas tank, 11 hours mnning constant, complete with wheels. Brand new, still in box. Can 577-5620 .

'.,SUR./F'J'NUS Pole-Fit Flare Fitness - discover K\V's popular pole dancing fitness program! Check us out online at www.poJefit.ca for registration and program information or call (519) 342-2974.

FRIDAY, MARCH 17, 2006

Barclay disappoints

To tbe editor; I "was disappointed with Graham Barclay's language and lack of substantive arguments in his article "South Dakota abortion legislation raises problems." He writes that those who question or oppose abortion are oppressive and intolerant ._"-- being compared to Nazis. This is a highly offensive comparison 1.0 make of anyone. isn't blatantly tyrannical to that a mother killing her two-week-old infant is unjustly taking a life. Abortion is just that - ending another's life. The only difference between an infant and a pre-born child is the stage of development. \'7e do not condone violence or abuse, as it harms another, yet taking a pre-born child's life is seen as a woman's right. Unjustly killing is not a right, so how is abortion a woman's right? Infants share the same human rights as teenagers, shouldn't this apply to the youngest members of society, too?

1Iedical research overwhelmingly. shows us hoy: harmful abortion is to women. Countless women h;we died in clinics while undergoing this surgical procedure, which has the highest complication rat," of any common surgery. Abortion does not solve the problems cited as its justification. A woman was still raped, a student v.111 still be poor and the abusive spouse/partner could still harm a child. In fact, abortion has caused an increase in the rates of cbjJd abuse, divorce, violence, and death among women. Wbatif abortion didn't exist? Per-路 haps we would face the consequences of our actions or be more responsible. The unborn are the ones suffering from tyranny and oppression. We just can't hear them cry out. -

Veronica Miller

48 honours German

Health Services?

is dosed on \veekends. So what did I do? I didn't want to '.vait untill\londay so I got on a bus

and \vent to tl1e Grand River Hospital where I \vaited five hours to lind out that I had an ear i.nfection. Generally, an ear infection isn't too serious, bm it could still have long-term effects if not treated for properly with the right medication 1 believe that tl-le Health Services building should be open both Saturdays and Sundays, even for just a few hours per day. After all, sicknesses and other health problems don't take the weekends off I realize that this could be a challenging task for the University of Waterloo. However, it is somethnes difficult and inconvenient for students that are not from the area to receive medical attention; especially in cases of emergency. Students at this university pay an awfully pricey tuition fee (and I hear it's going to be getting even more expensive). The services provided on campus should coincide with the cost of attending the university.

To the edit01j Recently, I woke up with an intense pain in my right ear. After a few hours of trying to sleep it off, I thought it would be best to get it examined by a doctor. My first instinct was to go to the Health Services building on campus. There was only one problem; it was Saturday and Health Services

-- Jeff Dennis 1B planning

Seriously, landon ... To the editor, I am a first year, female Laurier

student, and upon reading ,Landon Mitchell's article "\\'atedoo girls need some lovin, too" in the February 24 edition of Implint, I became extremely enraged and insulted at his attitude .towards \'CLU's female population. I am also extremely surprised and disappointed that "L",\X"s student publication services would print such a blatant attack on Laurier women. There is no justification in saying that Laurier girls have lifetime memberships to Airheads Anonymous or that Laurier is the "high school down the road." True, our schools may be different in what we specialize in. This, however, is no reason to slander Laurier's reputation for excellence and its hard work at growth and diversity of programs. Perhaps Mr. Mitchell was forgetting tl1at while UW's reputation may have been set on Holy Ground thanks to their relationship \vit.h RIM, Laurier happens to have one of the most reputable undergraduate business programs in the country. And I'd like to see him take on one of our Vanier Cup winning seniors. Mitchell does well in saying a girl can be smart and attractive at the same time. However, generalizing WLU's female population as being pretty, snobby idiots is completely contradictory to this point. Can Laurier ladies not be pretty and smart, as well? Or is that only reserved to UW"women?

Oh,and f,andon, good luck Ending need all the a date, as I suspect luck you can after extremely article. immature ._-- Tara Quigley 1st year WLU political science/global studies

Stop writing, landon To tbe eddO/; As a Laurier student, I was surprised and offended to read the article "\'7aterloo girls need some lovin', too." For your information, Landon, I graduated from high school with an A average. I did this on top of voice lessons, piano lessons, singing in a choir and competing in music festivals, which all helped me to get where I am today~ Your statement that "Laurier is known for, well, being nothing other than the 'high school down the road'" is quite egocentric. Do you think people in town call Laurier the high school down the road? I am in one of the most prestigious music programs in the country, so do not imply that I am an airhead or that my school is of no academic importance. Grow up. - Angela Shea 2nd year WlU music

FRIDAY, MARCH 17, 2006

landon should shut up

To the editor, 1 am writing to express my opinion in response to the article entitled "\~'aterloo girls need some lovin', too" bya "gentleman" named Landon IYlitcheli. This artidewas first brought to my attention through a response article in the \'?LU Cord WeeklY, and after examining the contents, I must say that I am ddinitcly not amused by the highly insulting implications that Ivk ,Mitchell apparently appears to believe. Did he not learn in first grade thfltputting others down to mask your own insecurity is not going to solve the problem? Did he not realize that he was insulting both UW and Lamier women by implying inferiority in two directions? Just because he has witnessed some arbitrary "pattern" that seems to dictate U\V nien's supposed "preference" fc)r Laurier ladies doeJ notgive him the right to be an ignorant jerk making completely baseless and offensive comments about women he docs not even know. J could not help but marvel at the distinctive difference between MrJ\fitchell'~ artide and the correspondingrespollS<: article by Mark CiesIuk in the ConJfreekb; while Mr. Ciesluk express('~" his opinions in a classy, respectable manner without insulting any U\\7 women (in tact, he praisif<fthem), Mr. ;Vlitchell appears to be derived of any class or respectabilitvwhatsoeverwith his ridiculous comments. If these comments were meant to be "funnv," this intention failed miserably; u;, fact, there is a distinctively bitter tone to the article thaI: seems 'to stem from personal or collective insecurities that I do not pretend t路o know nor understand. Perhaps Mr:. Mitchell 'N"aS the one who got into UW due to a "70 pef cent credit in Grade 12 gym" and a lifetime membership to "Airheads Anonymous." Good luck getting a date with those credentials.

was obvious: the pursuit of academic excellence and cerebral grandeur had prevented them from wearing shirts while taking part in their respective callisthenic quotidian. Thisptesentsaseriousproblernforstudentsinthe21stcentury.Whentheburden of school life can have such an eftect on obviouslvassiduous minds, \vemustall be fearful fur our own eudernonia. In order to res tote the self-esteem of the aforementioned mavens from the demesne of ridiculousness and pity, I propose the creation of a body similar in nature, composition, and policy to the UW Food Bank. Members of our student community who have found themselves to be in such an unenviable position may, anonymously; borrow a shirt so as to prevent future occurrences of an analogous demonstration. Failing this, I propose the segregation of

less astute minds (myself included), so as not to pollute the minds of those truly devoted to solving the great issues of our day. In the absence of either solution, we may consider renaming the PAC ''l\fusde Beach" so as to create an environment where the presence of higher brilliance is not made to fee! out of place. After all, ignorance is bliss. - Mike McCubbin 3N environment & business

loving Olympians To the editor, This letter is directed toward Neal

Moogk-Soulis for his article a few weeks ago entitled "Seeking the competitive edge." I realize the Olympics have been over for quite sometime now but I happen to agree completely with you Neal. I'm still hearing athletes getting flack for their performances in the Olympic games and I'm sick of it. Athletes are judged under excruciating circumstances and pressute during the Olympics and are badmouthed when they do notreceiveamedal to acknowle~e that honour. The mere fact that these athletes have made it as far as to say they competed in the Olympics is an outstanding feat of ability regardless of their final standings. The time, det(''1'mination and skill it takes to be recognized as a vlorld competitor is something few understand or give a second thought. However, when put into perspective it is only the elite,

the athletic gods of the world that are chosen to compete. 1bough this may sound rather dramatic to some, one must take into consideration that the few athletes selected to represent their respective countries are one among billions. The world's population is at present, approximately six billion people and out of these six billion people only a handful of people are selected to compete. Forget the NHL or the NBA, where 30 teams annually vie to select the few college superstars from the hundreds of picks ready to compete in the upcoming season. The Olympics are where the big people come to playl - Adithya Addageethala 1B planning

-- Hang Thi Thu Phan 3rd year WLU English and

communication studies The PAC is not "Muscle Beach'"

To the editor, I write this letter to call attention to a potentially serious situation plaguing students in this age. Late Saturday afternoon, like man\, of my peers, I c~uld have been found executing my typical callisthenics routine in the weight room at the physical activities complex. It was during this time that I observed the conundrum at hand. At least two of my fellow students had fallen victim to extreme academic enfeeblement in at least one of two f()rms: their preoccupation with academia had reached demarcation, or the onus of fiscal obligations related to study had seriously affected their standing within the campus hierarchy. Ww.chever the cause, the effect

~TM/MC

Go!ambia Brewery.

FRIDAY, MARCH 17, 2006

arts@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Arts Editor: Al1gelO Florendo Arts Assistant: Margaret Clark

• I

Angelo Florendo IMPRINT STAFF

''Umm, you spelled her mune wrong. Here, I'll write it down for you," says Jenny Mitchell as she grabs my notebook and emphatically crosses out a surname I had misspelled. Replacing an "e" with an "o-i" doesn't seem like a significant alteration, but to Mitchell, vocalist of The Barmitzvah Brothers, Julie Doiron spelled any other 'way wouldn't mean the same thing. The name of her favourite Nev7Brunswick songstress doesn't just conjure up thoughts of old records either; Doiron is a significant figure in her life and worth more than a few corrected vowels. fitting disnlay given the circumstances of ilPpe:u':ance'. Despite a moniker as equally aM,''''.UH". as her band's male dominated line up, The 13:1rmitz'1ah Brothers _... along with H(;t Kid, Fatima and I<:nock Knock Ginger .- have assembled to celebrate International \X'omyn's \'{'eek at the Bomber. The occasion seems towarrantan overt female presence, but acoustic duo Fatima is the only allfemale group on the bill. UW\'<;'omyn's Centre coordinator Margarita Osipian admits that this year's event saw a shift not only in the show's line up, but also in Lhe approach. "There was less of a focus on having all-female bands," says Osipian, comparing the celebration's local, tnixed-gender bands with the mostly Torontonian, female performers from a year prior. "\"V'e 'were more interested in having bands that were female-positive; it was a bit more subde than last 'lear." The aforem:::ntioned Fatima mal' be femalepositive, but subde they are not. Plac~ onstage is a sheet-covered painting; a curious sight outdone only by the lead vocalist's mohawk hairstyle and androgynous fashion sense. \'{·'bile working out some equipment kinks during soundcheck she

Footloose (17,18)--Humanities Theatre

Conrad Grebe/'s reimisiollil\i!, ol the 1984 Bacon) retold with lil't {muie

Our Country's Good (17,18) ..- ML Theatre of the Arts Dmflla prodftcfioll jollowing tbe/in! fleet of })risomlJ dispatched /oANstralia)Tom Enz/and. See (OPel' andpCige 15 for ajid/ reviem

The Barmitzvah Brothers eye their instruments during a show at the Bomber. says, "It SOlUlds kinda funny." It's hard to tell if

~~e's talking to the soundma~ or forewarning the audience about her music The lat1:er seems more likely after her perforrnance partner unveils the once hidden artwork and tl1en goes into a strange fit of hide-and-seek by using the blanket to conceal herself All the while theyplaybeatnik basslines while haif-rapping

Fashion Show -

Centennial H.all

Dark Side of OZ - Princess Cinemas T!llisted cinellIa diddillg tbe sZ!1,bts ol The \'(Tj;oard of Oz IlJith the prog .rotmdr ol Pink' Floyd's da.r.ric alb/.ill! Dark Side of the tvloon.

to lyrics so sexually explicit, they could blush the night-vision green cheeks of Paris Hilton. Since Fatima's already thrown subtlety out the ,vindmv, Knock Knock Ginger try their hand at derailing the woman-centricity of the show as their five-piece army takes up their instruments, \vith keyboardist Melissa Djmakov being the only female in their tanks.

The Kujav,riacyPolish Song & Dance Ensemhle --- Humanities Theatre

The ensemble isjoined 1IJ1 other Polisb and Ctmar/iat! mtists for a ttilJIik: to Pope 101m Ptlld II.

But she isn't convinced her band has too much testosterone for the shm'\c "I'm probably the guy of the group," says Djurakov ,\'hile laughing at vocalist wfilosz Sikora who agrees and says, "I like to LlUnk we're a pretty feminine band." Sikora can't help but display his lady-like mannerisms while commenting about the group's choice of fashion. "Extra points for wearing matching hoodies," he says while on stage, pointing out their co-ordinated outfits. "Totally unplanned, but the stars are aligned tonight." Fate may have stepped in duringtbeir morning closet seRrch, but it's skill and enthusiasm that carry Knock I<:nod: Ginger's set. Their songs are played with equal amounts euphoric smiles (Djurakov) and eyewear-dropping foot stomps (Sikora), together contradicting the politeness of their romantic pop diddies while at the same time tnirroring the more urgent sections of tracks like the epic crowd pleaser "Syllables." Their sentimentality is more apparent during the male/fernale crosstalk on "Virginia Black," as Jenny Mitchell jOirlS the band to provide hcr fra6>lle vocals. Her civil tone and reserved posture during the performance would never suggest the depth of her character, as Mitchell calls tell' her other Barrnitzvah Brothers to showcase her hidden talents. With the incredible amount of instruments available - ranging from the usual guitars to the more outlandish electric banjos and omnichords - it's hard to imagine anything but aural chaos coming from the band and it's certainly 1:..'te only time you'll ever hear a request for "more banjo." Thankfully, The Barmitzvah Brothers never let their instruments drown out their quirky, t\veefolk-power pop music.

See CONCERT, page 15

Iconography: Venerating the Divine Through Matter - RCH 309

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Final Fantasy: Advent Children - AL 116 H{f!,hfy allticipated H1OZ'ie bmed 011 the

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Cotvert mfmingfrom 7:00-10:00 dedicated to Tibetpeace efforts. fiatttres Organic Groot'c) John NkKin!ey} Band dl{ jOtJr and other.f. Tsepong: A Clinic of Hope (film) - Bricker Academy building, Wilfrid Laurier

Matthew Barher w / Emm Gryner - Starlight

PolarJam perfor1f!6rAiafj Barherret1lrr/s to Waterloo with pop songstress Emm Gr:)!f1er. The Vagina Monologues Ian Parker (pianist) Room

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The Vagina Monologues -- Bomber A classic protiu£tio!l presmteri I!y Ulf'S U?oJl!yn:( Cftltre.' all procf}eds going to f/'-Dq)'

and otherorganizat.iotls )I/orkilig tOlJ!ard.rputting an ertd to I:folence against women. 5 ee page 16 for a prnicu( Crossing Borders (Orchestra) manities Theaue

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1. Matisyahu / Live At Stubb's 2. Young And Sexy / Panic \'linen You Find It 3. Clothes Make the Man / ST 4. Neko Case / Fox Confessor Brings the Flood 5. Various / Traveler 06 6. Sinewave / Unity Gain 7. Various / Moonstarr Rern.L'Ces 8. The Spinoffs / Street Rock Stars 9. The Barmitzvah Brothers / The Century of Invention 10. David Buchhinder Brutum Jazz Circus

FRIDAY. MARCH 17, 2006

Lights, camera, hardcore action!

It's the difference between savoring a glass of the sweetest wine you've ever tasted and chugging a no-name cola that you bought for 50 cents. Action scenes in movies come in all shapes, sizes and flavours. And despite what certain filmmakers will have you think, no matter what CG wizardry a movie is infused with, it simply does not make up for a lack of character, tension or atmosphere. Whether it's Van Helsing swinging around like he's Spider-Man or Spider-Man swinging around like he's Spider-Man, in a movie full of cardboard mannequins, the animation doesn't have an ounce of the potency that a scene with real characters can evoke. Want an example of how to do action-heavy special effects effectively in today's day and age? Look no farther than PeterJackson's WIR or King Kong epics. I'm still astounded at the amount of pathos Jackson and his digital wizards managed to squeeze out of a spindly Boglin and an oversized ape. But it's not as simple as sticking Andy Serkis in a green suit (...or is it?). Make a couple of wrong moves and even a well-planned, well-intentioned action film can break down. Take, for example, the Matrix trilogy. The first part is arguably one of the best action films of all time. Yet the second and third are gathering dust. What went wrong? You could spend hours mulling over the specifics, but I think an accurate answer can be obtained by taking a step back, at which point you realize you've simply stopped caring about the characters. As a

result, the world no longer feels real, and suddenly you couldn't care less how many Agent Smiths Neo was fighting. Once the tapestry of a story is unraveled, there's no turning back. All of the best action scenes have true weight behind them. This usually comes from a mix of character, story and atmosphere. Of course, this is close to impossible to achieve even in the best of circumstances. For my money, the best action film of all time is Raider.; oj the Lo.rt Ark. IndianaJones' first adventure is just as exciting today as it was when it debuted 25 years ago. When was the last time you had the urge to pop in Spider-Man? So what went right for Indiana JoneR I'd say it's the one-two punch of Harrison Ford being perfectly cast as "Indy," and the respect for realism that the film exhibited. Every hit that Indy takes has weight behind it because you're rooting for the character. You wince when that hefty shirtless German knocks him to the ground and your jaw drops as Indy, despite his ragged state, takes down a truck full of Nazis. I get excited just thinking about that sequence. Like comedy, action is very difficult to do properly. It's all about the flow. The director must take your faith in the story, tie it around the end of his filmmaking baton and then cpnduct a symphony. If he jerks the baton too quickly or waves . it around like a madman, the delicate connection will snap. Whether you're watching an adventuring archeologist, a robotic soldier from the future or a trio of men digging for gold at the roots of the Sierra Madre mountain, it's not about how flashy the lights are. It's about how lyrically the storyteller waves his baton through the air. That's where the magic lives. fvukcevic@imprint.waterloo.ca

oncert: Rock like a girl Continued from page 14

With the incredible amount of instruments available - ranging from the usual guitars to the more outlandish electric banjos and omnichords - it's hard to imagine anything but aural chaos coming from the band and it's certainly the only time you'll ever hear a request for "more banjo." Thankfully, The Barmitzvah Brothers never let their insttuments drown out their quirky, twee-folk-power pop music. Which isn't to say they can't turn up the volume; they get downright punk during their songs' hurried portions while yelling and hollering between members. It's when you realize that they're screaming "Champagne!" that you appreciate the undeniable charm of the band. Add this to Mitchell's incredibly sweet demeanour and you've got a band that could cause cavities. "Dressing up's a certain part about being a girl," she says after her performance. There's a daintiness about Mitchell that could be misinterpreted as her being flaky, but as she lists more inspirational female figures it's clear that she's just being uncommonly open with issues that

usually cause hesitation. There's no uncertainty with her reverence for Sarah Harmer and Joanna Newsom, however. They aren't just musicians - they're pioneers. However passionate she may be off the stage, Mitchell seems unexpectedly content with sidestepping the subject entirely in her music. "I made a pact never to write a love song," she says in a rebellious tone. Overt femininity is the furthest thing she wants from her music but she admits, almost begrudgingly, "there are some elements that can't be separated, just from being a woman." During the introduction of "The Bird Song," Mitchell hadlight-heartedly apologized for "not having any songs about being a girl." Missing the connection between the two, she says, "I think a song about birds is just as good." Osipian, after closing the event she had organized, recalls that particular performance and laughs, ''It was really funny. I made these to sell at the show and they all sold out." Pointing to the winged, plUSh figure pinned to her jacket she muses, "To me, feminism is like a bird." aflorendo@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Theatre: Student play pleases Continued from cover

There were, however, some weak parts to this production. First, the characters are all appropriately dressed as dirty convicts with rags and long or mussed up hair. With no distinguishing features, it was hard in the beginning to actually sort the players out. Added to this was the confusion brought on by most cast members having two roles. While the role changes between convict or enlisted man were clearly established by the donning of military jackets, the frequent changes added to the audience confusion. Finally, some of the tableaux were distracting. At times, I had to struggle to look beyond a tableau stage-front to pay attention to the action further back. That being said, the amateur cast pulled this playoff with aplomb. Brad Cook as Second Lt. Ralph Clark was a master of mannerisms and able to communicate a variety of emotions without saying a wo~d. Melanie Bennett's powerful delivery as Dabby Bryant earned some of the best audience response of the night. Jennifer Lorbetski's portrayal of Liz Morden bristled with loathingand she used her piercing eyes to dramatic effect.

The dirtied actors search for comfort onstage. Finally, the award for the mastering of the toughest lines in the play must go to Michael Klein for role of the blustering Maj or Robbie Ross, whose frequent alliteration and homonymy use meant that some lines would be undeliverable by a lesser actor;

I left the theatre with the lessons reverberating through my head. My imagination was challenged and trained to pick out the layered subtleties. If you get a chance to see this play, go for it. This play's good. nmoogksoulis@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

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FRIDAY, MARCH 17, 2006

A night you'll never forget Suzanne Gardner IMPRINT STAFF

nations for WPIRG

Board of Directors The Waterloo Public Interest Research Group is governed by a Board of Directors of nine members. Seven Director positions will be filled by election at the WPIRG Annual General Meeting, April 3rd, 2006 5:00 PM in the UW Environmental Studies 1 Courtyard

Nominations open 11 am, March 15, 2006 and close 4:30pm, March 27, 2006 Nomination packages are available at the WPIRG office (UW SLC 2139). To be a Board member. you must be a WPIRG member in good standing (a UW full~time undergrad who has not obtained a refund, or other person who has purchased a membership). For info visit the office., wpirg.org. oreal! 8~82,

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If you're sober enough to read this before you begin your St. Patrick's Day celebrations, here are some songs that celebrate the fine art of boozing just as well as I'm sure you will this March 17. Drink, listen, sing along like a drunken fool and, most importantly, enjoy.

Spirit of the West - "Home for a Rest"

Mudmen - "5 O'Clock" These Ontario rockers draw strongly on Scottish influences throughout all their, songs, but with the combination of bagpipes and an hO!l)age to drinking in this tune, the band's heritage becomes particularly obvious to ,listeners. They also happen to do an awesome cover of the aforementioned Spirit of the West track, so be sure to check that one out too.

Regardless of this tune's rather obvious status as a quintessential drinking song, I simply couldn't make this mixtape without it. Call it cliche, but this song still always manages to get large masses of sloshed strangers singing and dancing- and hey, it's Canadian too!

King Size Braces - "Drink 'Till You Fuckin' Puke" Rude, crude and downright hilarious. These Toronto punkers are not for the faint of heart but for those of you who reallY like your alcohol, this tune just might seem to ring a familiar bell. Flogging Molly - "Irish Drinking Song" Now for a bit more "traditional" St. Paddy's Day music with the help

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Those crazy Easterners sure do know how to drink. Fortunately, they do know how to sing as well. In this classic GBS tune, the band tells the story of a rather well-celebrated Irish-style wake - so well-celebrated, in fact, that the pallbearers end up getting so inebriated that they leave the corpse behind!

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Continuing with the Irish trend, this Celtic punk band pays tribute to the heros of the barrooms, those drunken men always covered in bruises from their fights to protect the honour of their country and of their bar. A , perfect song to rouse the , troops and bring drunken strangers together as they link arms and pay their respects to the legends of their trade.

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Match Point

Dropkick Murphys - "Barroom Heros"

Great Big Sea , "The Night Pat Murphy Died"

Brad Paisley - "Alcohol" Thosewhoknowmeknow that I'm not overly fond of country music. I will, however, always be one of the fitst to point out that those cowboy crooners sure do know their liquor. In this song, Paisley sings from the perspective of alcohol itself and details all of the amusing effects booze has had on those who consume it. For a hilarious concept and immensely singable lyrics, this song definitely deserves a place on this tape.

of some Irish-Americans. On this track Flogging Molly explains a typical night for an Irish drunkard: drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and drink and fight. If you want to show off the 1/64 of you that is Irish, this is the song to do it with.

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Dearest readers of ImpijtJI,itappears that your favourite columnistis under fitel No, not the sexually-enlightened Russell Cole, but I, your noble messenger of pretentiousness, your prophet of cultural refinery, the man (the boy) they call the "arts snob." Bludgeoned by hate mail, drowned in angry sentiment, I have fought through the worst to write to you this week. I am not discouraged, however, so do not feat; the arts snob thrives on upsettingpeople, forcingthem toreact. See, for example, lastweek's column on sex and car crashes. Alas, there has been some concern lately that my column can appeal only toupper-crustrichkidswhocanaffutd "designer jeans" and "gourtnetlattes." Many are worried that the majority of you out there with your pajama pants and library cardshave no hope of ever fitting into a fashionable int~ectual culture, but I am here to assure you that such notions are nonsense! Ob, underprivileged readers, it is by ,110 means necessary to own an engraved pocketwatch andBenShertnan jacket to be an arts snob! There are plenty of options for the restricted wallet, one of which I will examine today. In 2004, a group of artists in Toronto decided they were going to reject the idea that a person's personality is determined by their fashion sense by rejecting fashion

altogether. Theywould confine themselves to a generic and nondescript type of clothing and wear it everyday, without fail. This was the humble beginning of what was to become ''The Grey SweatsuitRevolution," an in~nationalmovementdedicated to interrupting the cannibalistic forces of consumer society, the very forces the arts snob must avoid! These forces have crushed any attempt at differentiation by adopting rebellion into the mainstream. Look at trucker hats. Artists rip off the blue-collar worker because it's cheap, edgy, ironic, kitsch, whatever. Subsequently the fashion system rips off the artists. Thanks for coming out, rebel! 'What's next? Cow-shit-covered boots? The Revolution is based around the idea that limiting your identity to grey sweatpants and a grey sweatshirt will leave you rejuvenated_ It is much more than a simple rejection of fashion: it is an attack on superficiality and complacency. The Revolution's manifesto, posted on www.thegreysweatsuitrevolution. com, indicates that "the ultimate rebellion is to be generic and very comfortable. Fuck using clothes as a form of expression. Think of something more valid, like what you do with your time or what you have to say. See what happens when your clothes don't speak for you. Oh shit! How will I be cool? Maybe I'll have to partici~te in something ... " Essentially, the grey sweatsuit becomes an icon for the avant-garde. This cheap, plain and uninteresting outfit acts asa vehicle for rebellion, a ''Trojan horse" ready to destroy the fashion industry from the inside: "Our symbolism spreads like an-

thrax across the anorexic bodies of fashionistas everywhere! They look frantically for the next trend but there is nothing. Only grey sweatsuits." The Revolution has spread rapidly out of Toronto, with loyal followers sending the website photographs of their sweatsuit allegiance from as far as Switzerland, Greece and India. Exhibitions and conferences are held at such places as the Nova Scotia College of Art and Design and the Museum of Contemporary Canadian Art. The organizers encourage the holding of grey sweatsuit "socials, parties and parades" as a means of celebrating the uniform of this new ideology. They speak of time in terms of "presweatsuit era" and demand that, if the grey sweatsuit isn't cohesive with ' your lifestyle, you must "Change your lifestyle, change your life!" It seems obvious, then, that all that is required to make a statement, to be important, to subscribe to an ideology not shared by the majority, to truly bean arts snob, is a grey sweatsuit. There is no need for finely-tailored dress shirts and expensive imported shoes; one doesnotneedanextenSve~obeto

be considered an intellectual. The grey sweatsuit offers a much more powerful statement than any sort of fancy scarf and corduroy jacket ever could , So to all of you people out there who are a1rea& coming to <:).ass eterydaY in grey sweatpants, despite the social stigma, I salute you! You are on the cutting edge of not only an important arts movement, but are also contributing to the very destruction of fashion as we know it! Bravo, I say, . bravo, and keep up the good work! cmoffat@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

FRIDAY. MARCH 17, 2006

Campus

~ost

Guys takes viewers where most indie films won't

-Vagina

combats violence Margaret Clark IMPRINT STAFF

If you haven't heard of The Vagina lvfonologues by now, you're part of the minority. Originally performed offBroadwayin 1996 bywriter EveEnsler, benefit productions of this award-winning play have raised over $25 million for charities worldwide since 1998. The Vagina Monologues celebrates female sexuality through a series of monologueshighlightingsocial perceptions of "woman-ness." Historica11ythe play addresses everything from how the vagina has been perverted into a focal point of shame and submission through ttaditioQ.S of abuse, to the difficulties of adolescence, menstruation and overall acceptance of the female body,to the miracles of birth and motherhood. Whatever the monologues presented each year, theprevailingmessage of these performances is always one of unity, individuality and female empowerment. This year's student-run presentations are part of the V-Day Campus Campaign, which seeks to promote the tenets of V-Day by improving awareness of' women's issues in universities and colleges. The proliferation of The Vagina Monologues performances is one of the fundamental purposes of V-Day, an organization spanning 76 countries and ultimately promoting the triumvirate of "valentine, vagina and violence," Qinking love and respect for women to an end of violence against women and girls). These presentations also represent a sizeable campus tradition as well, with UW students annually joining a practice that stretches "from Mexico to Malaysia" in its bid to fight domestic and social abuse. However, despite the event's name and message, the performances are meant to be anything but exclusive, as both women's issues and an end to violence against FOmen require the awareness and participation of both sexes. As such, this year's performances of The Vagina Monolo!!fies include an interactive banner, reading ''These Hands Don't Hurt Women," to which men in the audience are warmly eneouraged to add their own . handprints. Also keep an eye out for the snack bar, rife with light-hearted, "theme" desserts, with all proceeds going to end violence' against women. In fact, proceeds from all aspects of these productions go toward assisting victims of domestic abuse. In the case of UW's three campus performances, taking place at 7 p.m. in the SLC on Wednesday, March 22, 7:30 p.m. at Bomber on Thursday, .March 23 and 7 p.m. in HH Studio 180 on Friqay, all proceeds will go to Mary's Place of Kitchener, a 10-' cal women's shelter, and the V-Day charity. For more information on the UW V-Day College Campaign, feel free to write to vdaywaterloo@gmail. com. More information of V-Day itself can be found at www.vday.org and tickets for any performance can be obtained at the Turnkey desk or at the door just before the show. mclark@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Most Guys Today TyAdams Greek Chorus Productions

Evan, the protagonist in Most G'9's Todqy, is a single, attractive, aspiring filmmaker living in a downtown Toronto bachelor pad. Unfortunately, he's also miserable, superficial and, just as quickly as we're introduced to him, no longer living by himsel£ His brother Jay is coming in from' Vancouver and needs a place to crash. How typical.

What's not so typical, however, is that Evan is unquestionably gay. He isn't playing the usual "brother in denial" role either; Jay knows Evan is gay right from the start of the movie and has no problems with it. Within the first five minutes, Most G'9's Today manages to zoom past all the prototypical issues that other films linger on for more than 90. The film, a comedy written and produced by former UW student Steve Hutton, was screened for the first time at the Rainbow Reels Queer Film Festival, held on campus in the DC. Following Evan through his pur~ suits into dating, brotherhood, dating, filmmaking and more dating, the film manages to take the breakneck speed of the i1}troduction and keep the pace up without feeling rushed. Though Evan is the story's main focus, at times it feels more like an instructional video on popular dating techniques - and intentionally so, as

Hutton expertly integrates '50s educational videos to segue between scenes. Though the inclusion of these archaic films - which refer to homosexuals ·as .sexual deviants - seem at first to be a snide insult to the idiocy of past generations, Hutton says this isn't true. . They're present because most of the underlying concepts still apply and he has found a way to use these same educational videos for extremely modern scenarios such as Internet dating. Itmaynotbeclearfrom thedescription so far, but this movie is an absolute riot. Yes, gay stereotypes are present - as typified by the cookie-cutter gay. boy-band The Silfy Gigolos- but done entirely tongue-in-cheek. Yes, there are sex scenes, butthey'rewhatHutton calls "shocking, but just enough shocking." The character dialogues are easily the strongpointof the film, as they manage to get around the shoddy picture quality, allowing even the most ridiculous scenes to seem at least plausible.

Jay's character is especially interesting. The initial impression we get is that he is the archetypal freeloading, crotch-grabbing sttaight guy - a sort of whipping boy for the gay characters to secretly mock. But, as is true for all of Hutton's main characters, we learn more about him as the story progresses, and at the film's conclusion we see that he's, well ... a freeloading, crotch-grabbing straight guy, but also somehow entirely loveable-the brother you always wished you could avoid. Low production quality aside, this is·a fantastiG independent film with sharp writing, a strong performing cast and enough laughs to win over almost anyone. If you have a chance to view what is sure to be a very limited release, make sure you jump on the opportunity to see this uniquely funny film. - Angelo Florendo

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FRIDA~

CAMPUS . .~~}?:1. QUESTION • .

What is the best way to kill IiDle· the bar line on It. Patrick's davY

"Sing 99 bottles of beer on the wall." . Katie Tittel 2B recreation and leisure

."Counting the leaves on ·the four leaf clover." Kaila Orr and Han Shu 1B accounting and financial management 1B biotech and chartered accountancy

Acro$s 1. Turned toward 7. Flower stalk 11. Human face 14. Unkeyed music 15. Home of the Hurricanes 17. Rocking member of The Band Hawkins 18. Chemistry: becomes ''reduced'' 19. Zulu Time Zone 20. Ornamental framework 22. Luke Skywalker's mentor 23. Expe~ gases 24. French Street 25. Not 26. Colour hair 27. 'Prepare Ii manuscript for print 31.. Flightless birds 33. In the lead 34. Outdated body competition (2 words) 40. Say hello 41. Police infoi'mant 43. Baby baron 46. Better than one 49. Wrestling goal 50. Time period . 51. Game winning point 52: Paid athlete 53. Ypres or Paachendale 58. Cut with an axe 59. Fetcher 60. Dictator's rule 62. Northwestern Italian region 63, Loan shark 64. Unhappy.

. 65. Flagging GM brand 66. Emotional strain Down 1. Never coming back . 2. World War II legacy

with Lucky Charms.

2B physics

Tarripaul Dhami

"Getting (I head start with the tadies." Nicklaus Anumubu and Brian Adams 4B politic~ science 18 science

1B science and business

4B English

32.Suirch

"Buy my way up the line·

"Sign up for AA." Daniel Agar

"Scare people out of the line by practicing Irish interpretive dance." Casandra Ward and Becky Rothwell

3. K.eep doing the same thing 4. Overnight hotel 5. Arrested 6. To be shiny 7. Women's curling patron 8. Cab 9. Red VIking explorer to. Most frequtlnt value of random variable 11. Lower tier league 12. False 13. Rubber seal 16. Governing rules 21. Fonnal neckwear 21. Tho. in poeJ:ic foim 28: JaplIDese C1,I.tiency , 2~¥,e6rigiatulatoiY tap· 30. Myttpcal paradiSe

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• BOUIID AIID G.AGGID PRODIICTIOIIS CELEBRATE A NlGHr OF HIGH GOTH WITH OJ. THflf· CATCH AN EARFUL OF MYSTERIOUS MURKY EIlM, INDUSTRIAL & HOUSE' NO ATTITUDE. NO DRESS CODE AND NO COVER

THURSDAY

• CELEBRATE W'S BIRTHDAY BASIl AS MS. DREW & CREW PREPARE TO • ROAST THIS SPECIAL DIVA· COME SEE WHArs IN STORE FOR HIS, PRINCESS tlF POWER' DJ.IISJ FILLS THE DANCE FLOOR WITH HOT AND HEAVY BEATS WHILE PARlY PRICED PITCHERS ENTICE THE BUDGET MINDED' NO COVER•.

Kalal Composition

FRIDAY AND SAfUIIOAY • • "lOSS THE BIAIIIIEY STOIIE". Irs OUR ST. PADDY'S DAY WIUIIII BASIl • DJ:S Fill. THE DANCe FLOOR WITH CONTAGIOUS BEATS WHILE GENDER FLUID PARTIERS SATISFY THERE PRIMAL URGE TO DANCe • EXPERIENCE SOME ENTICING SAMPLES FROM THE GI8SOII'S PROMO TEAM SUIIIIAY • SLIDE IN AFTER 9:00PM AND CHECK YOUR ATTITUDE AT THE DOOR AS D.I. GEORGI AIIlHOIIY BELTS OUT A FLURRY OF BODY ROCKIN BEATS • PERFECT PRICED PITCHERS AND NO COVER COMPLETE THE NIGHT

"Club. Renatssance

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MARCH 17, 2006

33. Division in a play 35. Home to cremated remains 36. Golf starting point 37. Comparitive word 38. September births~one 39. Ancient Greek boat 42. People in the know 43. Early jazz styles 44. Oil rich peninsula 45. DenoUnced 46. Foot appendage 47. Tusked marine mammal 48. Most elderly 51. Encircles 54. Just a little bit 55. Chauffeur driven car 56.. Organic compound 57. Withstand attack 61. Ghanian language

FRIDAY, MARCH 17, 2006

fcatures@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Features Editor: Kernet Bahlibi Features Assistant: Jing Huang

o Kemet Bahlibi IMPRINT STAFF

Imagine having to change your name to prevent being found and killed. \'Vnat if you had to conduct your phone cans to family in secret to avoid being tracked down? As unbelievable as it sounds, this is the life Hser Ta Kay leads. Most people are oblivious to the problems the people of Burma face. For some, Burma is seen as a beautiful tourist destination. But the locals lmow the beauty of the country conceals the truth. Kay also did not know the truth until he felt his life was in danger. When Kay was 17, the general of Burma's army three months at the Kay residence. Kay's was the leader of the village, so a man importance staying over at his house carne :IS no surprise. this' period of time, Kay felt pressure from the general to join the army and eventually, one day, be the leader of that army. Having thought about it for a bit of time and noticing the way the government really treated the Burmese, Kay believed that kind of future was not for him. He expressed this on numerous occasions to his father's guest and felt the general's demeanor change, which in turn led him to feel his life was J Ie believed he needed to escape from or prepare to be killed. the help of his parents, he left home and moved to a refugee camp in 111ailand. During his six years at the camp, he spent his time going ${:hools set r()f and also ,vas then: he met a teach"r from Guelph who introciuc(:d him to 'XlUSC (\'V'orld University Service of '"_~H""'''j and hdped him start his life over again. Accordingto fourth year environmental engi" neering student and WUSC facilitator Hammad Din, WUSC is an organization that sponsors

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refugees. "l\~'Usq brings someone [to Canada] that wouldn't have an education otherwise," explained Din. He believes this program is a w,n-win situation: refugees get a better life, while Canadians learn about issues around the world with first hand experience. For Kay, a GI~bal Studies student at Wilfrid Laurier, one of the hardest things be had to adjust to was the lack of a closely knit community. In Burma, he would make decisions depending on what was best for everyone. "Here, T have to think what is best for me." With this new. found independence, he is pushed further away from his family. Because of the threat Kay felt from the general when he left

his house, he had to change his name in order to keep in hiding. And although things between the general and Kay's family (in terms of relations) have not changed, Kay has to now co-ordinate phone calls through a friend of his in Burma to be able to speak to his family. Even then, he does not have the freedom to speak openly for fear that someone is listening. The people of Burma are still fighting for their freedom. Presently, Aung San Su Kyi, aNational League for Democracy lC'acier and Nobel Peace Prize recipient .is fighting for this goal. But nothing will change until the Burmese government changes. Even after winning a presidential election by a landslide, Kyi has been put under

house arrest for 11 out of the last 16 years. Kay mentions her as someone from his country that he admires. "She has a big role to play. [She's1an idol. She speaks for everyone." One day he hopes to return to Bw:ma, but until things change dramatically, he knows it is impossible. Currently WUSC, which is new to the University of Waterloo since January, is talking to administration and housing to work out a plan to sponsor their first refugee. Din hopes it will make a difference in Waterloo and educate students. kbahlibi@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Hser Ta Kay talks to a room full of people about his journey from a refugee camp in Thailand to Waterloo.

bars t drin y ur St. Patrick's McMultans on King - 56 King St. North

K-W

Atfllosphere: The perft.'Ct e~ample of a bars bar. Lots of beer parephenalia, pool tables, long

BITES

bar with good on-tap selection. Plus, the food is pretty good. Price for a pint of Guinness: $6.25 A pint of Blue: $5.00

Sf. Padt!ir Dqy information: Ah, St. Paddy's Day. A day of beer, celebration and Irish good cheer. One of my most vivid memories of Ireland is of driving past fields mountmnous with empty beer kegs. What better way of celebrating your Irish heritage (real or desired) than blowing off class and settling down with a pitcher of frothy beer and good Celtic tunes? And so, here is a rundown of the fine watering holes of Waterloo - Irish or not. We asked the price of a pint of Gulnness and a pint of Canadian (or Canadian-made equiva"路 lent), and detailed any special St. Paddy's day happenings. The best thing to do to get into any of these places is to come eadY. There's nothing like a four-hour lineup to dim your Irish cheer.

The Duke of Wellington - 33 Erb St. West

Atmosphere:Pattrestaurant, part pub, theDukeis dark and warm. It attracts everyone from students to Waterloo professionals to retirees. Price for a pint of Guinness: $6.40 A pint of Blue: $5.2..';

Sf. Patld)'t Dqy in/ormation: The Duke will have a DJ in the evening, from 6:00 p.m. on. In the afternoon, the boozin' hordes "rill be entertained by some Irish dancers.

Irish musician will be playing in the evening.

The Fox and Fiddle" 77 King St. North

Atnlosphere:Beautiful old pub look with pf(~ssed tin ceilings stone archways. Airy and bright and lots of sitting room. Price for a pint of Guinness: $6.25 A pint of Canadian: $4.75 . Sf. Padtfy's Dqy information: The Fox and Fiddle will be featuring Irish bands all day and night, starting at 12 p.rn. They will also be giving away VIP line-bypass passes and food discounts on the radio station 91.5 the Be-.lt.

Failte Irish Pub路 85 King St. North

Atmo.rphere: Failte is the less popular tIX-in of Molly Bloom's. Tht-l' are owned by the same people, and the menu is almost the same. The cliffercl'lce lies in that Failteis muchmorc of an authenticIrish pub and is housed in an older building. Price for a pint of Guinness: $6.85 A pint of Blue: $4.85 Sf. Paddy's Dqy infomtation: One band will be playing during the day, from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m., and another will be taking over until close. The bat is featuring a contest to Wi!1 a Guinnessleatherjacltetal1dtherewillbe$10tickets on sale for drinks at the bar, with proceeds going to McMaster's hospitill.

Huether Hotel - 59 King St. North "

AilJlosphere: Three levels of drinking pleasUre, plus a restaurant, cafe and strip bar, all in the same building! GDod ,_.- and cheap -- pint"" of Lion brewery beer. Don't miss the wings. Price for a pint of Guifll1ess: $6.50 A pint of Lionlager:$3.50

St. PaJ4y:r Dt!J irifimnation: The Huether will have a hand in the lounge from 6 p.m. to dose. Theywill also offer Irish food specials on their St. Pattick's Day menu.

Molly Bloom's Irish Pub - 170 University Avenue West

Atmosphere: Tiny, cro:wded, Irish-style space, made even more crowded by the frequent live music. It's quite surprising that the\vaitresses don't topple over more when attempting to navigate the wobbly tables and drunken patrons. Price for a pint of Guinness: $6.85 A pint of Blue: $5,05 Sf. Padr/y} Dqy iliformation: Molly's will have two bands, one during the day and one at night. It's a small space ttr..lt ",~Jl probalJly get the overflow from the Bomber, so be prepared to wait in line.

McGinnis Frontrow路 160 University Avenue West

/itnJOSjJhere: An all-American sports har. Food is eA-pensive and not very good, hut the establish'路 mem is roomy a.nd hright. Price for a pint of Guinness: $6.75 A pint of Canadian: $525 Jj. Patkfy's Dqy irgOt1Jl(.ltiol1: This sports bar in the plaza '-'"111 have prizes of merchandise, gift certificat~'S and fue like all

away

through the day. 1be staff will be dressed up in true Irish style (whatever that is) and there will be special St. Paddy'S day shooters. Thete \vill also be aDJspinning sweet Celtic and rock and roll tunes. 1be space is big, but they are usually capped by 5:30 p.rn. on this Irish festival day.

Kickoff - 110 University Avenue West

/Jimosphere: Even smaller space than ~folly~'i, but more intimate and the most UK-like of the bunch. Really feels like the kind of place you'd go watch footie with 'lour friends. Price for a pint of Guifll1ess: $6.30 A pint of Keats: $5.25 Sf. Padtfy's Dqy information: Kickoff will too have an Irish band (though who knoVv'; where they a.re going to fit th<.m). The band hits the stage at 9:00 p.m.

Bombshelter - Student life Centre

,/1I111ospherr;. Dark, student-y goodness. Price for a pint of Gui!llless: $6.00 A pint of Canadian: $4.25

St. Padtfy's Dqy inf017tUmon: The Bomber will feature an Irish Band from 12 p.m. 3 p.m., with Irish dancers at around 1:30 (carlyenoughsoyoucanstillappreciatetht-TIlbefore being totally in the bag), TIley Vli11 be offering a special St. Paddy's day menu and $6.99 pitchers u.ntiJ 1 porn. There \vill be a DJ in the evening, prize givea\v-ays throughout the day and the patio ,,~ll be open and heated. So go out;, booze it up, spend your gold and revel to excess. You won't be able to do it :lbrain until Ok!Oberfest. sbowman@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

FRIDAY, MARCH 17, 2006

Tiffany li SPECIAL TO IMPRINT

I have turned the beloved shortbread cookie into a whimsical creation fit for celebrating this holiday with. I have decided to use the lucky clover for the shape of this cookie. The three-leaf clover (or shamrock) is associated with Ireland through the missionary work of Saint Patrick, who used its trefoil pattern to symbolize Christianity's Holy Trinity. The celebration of St. Patrick's Day commemorates the saint's death (1!farch 17).

rt re the dough. Add more drops if you desire a darker green colour. Note: if the dough is difficult to work with at this point, place it in the fridge to allow it to chill (about 1/2 hr). 4. Using the template as a guideline, roU dough into three or four grape sized balls. Arrange the dough pieces in the shape of the desired clover, and lightly press together. Make the tail and attach to the clover. Place the clover shaped dough face down (so when it bakes up, none of the edges will be visible) on a non-stick cookie sheet. 5. Bake for 10-12 minutes, but make sure that the edges do not brown too much. These festively shaped cookies arc a love of labour but worth the effort. I recommend getting a bunch of friends to help make these lucky clover cookies.

---at t

b c m a d

Keep the past in the past: a guy's view on talking about exes

THE PLE

PERSON jeff' Anstett If you've eVer been out with a guy who's otherwise rather outgoing and suddenly he gets very quiet, you've probably committed a dating faux pas. You've probably talked about an ex-boyfriend. Talking about an ex-boyfriend can be one of the more uncomfortable things a guy can be asked to endure. For some guys, this won't be a problem. They're abie to sepatate

the past from the present and be mature enough to accept you for who you ate. Others ","ill not be able to handle the situation and may not stick around. Most !,TUYS, however, will fall somewhere in between. As far as I'm concerned, the un.. comfortable feeling stems from three basic feelings or fears that men may have from time to time. First, you're talking about a guy who you obviously cated about at one point or another. Even though this relationship went bad, there wt.'1'e some good times. If you're reminiscing about the good times you and he had, that's going to be a problem for your current guy who feels left out. Guys think in two ways, with their brains and with their guts (or

Instructions:

1. Cut out the dover (after you a.re done reading this newspaper of coursel) and set aside.

CLAIRE MOUSSEAU

Now for the shortbread. These arc really heavenly cookies. I made them during Christmas time and used a cookie press at the time. They turned out as the cutest little edible Christmas trees. The fine texture can be attributed to the usc of confectioners' sugar (or sometimes known as powdered sugar), which is simply granulated that has been ground up into a powder, Sometimes a small percentage of cornstarch is added to prevent dumping. This cookie will literally melt in your mouth. This is thanks to the use of cornstarch in the list. According to my food dictionarv, cornstarch is a powdery type of flour. comes from the endosperm (nutrient rich tissue inside the seed) of the corn kernel. Shortbread Recipe: 1 cup unsalted butter at room temperature 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract 1/2 cup confectioners' sugar 1/4 cup cornstarch 1 3/4 cups aU~purpose flour 4-6 (or more if required) drops of green food colouring. Preheat oven to 375F. 1. In a large bowl, whip the butter until light and fluffy. 2. Stir in the vanilla, confectioners' sugar, cornstarch and flour until . mixture comes together. 3. Divide dough in half and add desired amount of drops to each half. Bring the halves together, and use your hands to integrate the green colour evenly throughout

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somewhere lower). A guy's brain can tell time very well, but a guy's gut can路路 not. So when vou talk about how vou cared for a gu}' in the past, or eve1; tell stories that happened when you were ",jth the guy; your current guy's gut will feel like you're cheating on him. His gut can't separate the past from the present and all his gut can tell is that vou still like your ex. The second r~ason a guy will be uncomfortable when you talk about an ex is because the relationship must have gone bad or else you wouldn't be there with the current guy. If things went bad, you were probably hurt. If this current guy likes you, it means he doesn't want to see you hurt. See EXES, page 22

FRIDAY, MARCH 17, 2006

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Whether it's from nervousness, a case of whisky dick or if you plain and simply have a problem, having your dick go flaccid at a time of importance has probably happened to a fair bunch of guys out there. Yea sure, it might not be the most convenient strokes of luck, but here's a plus side - if you ever need to gain back any of your lost confidence, at least you made it to' the playground. So what's the deal with impotence? A buddy of mine once MSN'd me after he had gotten back from a girl's house the night before and started to talk about how he just couldn't get it up. I was confused because he told me that this girl was smoking hot, had a crazy wicked attitude and wanted a piece of his manhood. And by that, I mean she wanted to fuck J:llm left, right and centre. So why didri't this guy get an erection? Whisky ... a;k.a. whisky dick. This is something that I had never heard of before this conversation and it definitely raised an eyebrow. Whisky, or any other alcoholic beverage, when consumed at a surplus amount, can and will leave your dick in. the dumps in the same way as nervousness. But at least you

can overcome nervousness. I would say that any psychological form of impotence would be the worst. And if you're wondering how this can occur, I'll explain. A friend of mine who runs a production company and is into fun nights at strip clubs once brought his intern, on his 19th birthday, to a surprise birthday strip club for the evening. And that's when this 19 year-old dude's life changed for the worse. After the night of good times and rented strippers, my friend had decided to put in another hundred or so and got the two' girls who were entertaining them to personally take the intern to the back room for a lap dance. And from what I was told, the strippers went a bit beyond the "no touch" policy, which left this' birthday boy in complete Utopia. But little did he know, he had now become a victim to a psychological se:ltual disorder, termed by me as "Penile Poison." One year later, my buddy got a call from his old intern. The intern explained to my friend that because .of his experience with the strippers, he felt so guilty about sex that he just couldn't get his willy to work. Sucks for him! But the solution that my friend donated to him was his first prescription of Viagra. And this is when the story got worse. To . sum it all up, this dude is now 23, doesn't have a girlfriend anymore and still needs to take Viagra, even if he's in the mood to jerk off.

. Poor guy and I'm sure we all feel for him. But if any of this came as a surprise, then you will find this interesting. Bicycles. They are dangerous as ever for guys. It's been proven that if a male rides a bike at all for any length of time, he is putting himself more at risk than if he didn't ride. It has become evident through studies that the seat of the bike restricts blood flow to the penis, which can ultimately leave you with a penis that just can't get hard enough to do the job. And second, dudes waiting in lineups at bars who try and stand you up for inching too far ahead of them by giving you the line, "step back, what do you ·think you're doing? .. huh??" As if they have something to prove. Yea; these guys definitely have something wrong with them and my only reasoning would be that they have some sort of erectile dysfunction that their psyche is trying to balance via being a dick. Maybe they ride an uncomfortable bike. . Guys, here's a note: most girls don't want to see a bloody nose before they get int,o the bar and most guys going to a bar (especially an on campus bar) do not want to get into hot water with school officials. . So' lighten up, fix your persO,nal problems and have fun at the bars.. rcole@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Exes: not to be mentioned on a date

•• ••• •• •• •• •• ••• •• •

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•• ••• •• ••• •• •'. •• •• •• •

•• ••

" ~~~~!~=~:

465 PHILLIP STREET

~'&.8· 74_ 9 2. • .. ~. : 1

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Continued from page 21

He hates hearing about you being hurt in the past and hates to thlrik of the possibility of you being hurt in the future. Guys naturallywantto protect their women, ana you bringing up ex-boyfriends is a reminder that they weren't around to help. Finally, in a combination of the above two, if this guy hurt you, you obviously cared about him quite a bit at one point or another. And this current guy will start to wonder whether you feel the same way about him. He will also !:>egin to wonder whether your feelings for him will fade and. become part of your past like this guy. It's reminder that you've felt quite a bit for a guy irJ. the past and there's a very real chance that the current guy will end up being another part of that past. • There is nothing fair or rational about the way a guy feels when corifronted with situations of jealousy. No guy has a right to make a girl feel guilty about her past and no guy should ever demand that a girl not speak to or about a past boyfriend. But women of the world, have mercy on the irrational. Don't torture your current boyfriend with stories of past ones. It's for you own good too. Although his fears are unfounded, unfair an~ irrational, they're very real to him. I'm not asking you to excuse his behaviour; just to understand it and accept it. Give him rime and patience and he will eventually be

able to accept you and your past. But don't assume that he's ready and don't get mad if he's not. It's. not an easy thing for a guy to do. And men of the world, take a deep breath and grow up. You probably don't think twice about one of your. friends and how· they've treated, or been treated by, past girlfriends. Don't expect every girl you meet to act like an inexperienced schoolgirl because you have a problem accepting her past. She is 11 woman with a history and a life outside of you. Realize that jealousy is: your problem and not hers and never, ever give in to the temptation to blame her for your problems. You have no right to question her motives or judge her for her choices. Her choices are hers and hers alone and she will judge . them hersel£ You can either choOse to be a part of her life or to leave, but she cannot and should not be asked to justify her past to you. Jealousy doesn't affect men orily. It's a problem that plagues all relationships at one rime or another and it usually stems from one person not having enough faith in the other. The solution is to trust your partner and to give your partner reasons""to trust you..Talking constantly about ex-boyfriends will not make your . current boyfriend any more confident. Be patient with each other and communicate well. The orily way to _ get through a misunderstanding is to understand. janstett@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

FRIDAY. MARCH 17, 2006

science@imprint.uwaterloo.ca Science Editor: Rob Blorn

CIENCE

UW professor's research wins him two-year fellowship Adam Gardiner IMPRINT STAFF

Imagine what it would be like if things such as plastic and paper could conduct electricity and carry a magnetic charge, just like metal does? For most, that's a sci-fi idea that goes against everything their science teachers taught them back in Grade 9. But for UW chemistry ProE Richard Oakley, the far-fetched notion is most definitely possible. ''To convert a molecule into a metal," he tells Imprintin an interview. ''Not exactly the alchemist's dream, but close to it." Oakley's research concentrates on the use of molecular radicals to create materials that have the same conductive properties seen in metals. That research has recently led to his winning of a Killam Research Fellowship, a prestigious annual award that arranges to financially cover the costs of a replacement teacher and staff for a period of two years, thus freeing the recipient to fully devote his time to research and study. But what is a molecular radical? In chemistry, the termrefers to a molecule where the number of electrons circling the nucleus is odd, meaning that one electron is always unpaired. "Radicals arehighlyunstable,highlyreactivemolecQlGS," ~ays,q*y. iq\Wlg :Waut Fhe, term's connotationsineverydayspeech. ''If you want to relate that to a political intetpretation, go ahead." Like radical molecules, metal also has unpaired electrons; with metal, however, conductivity is the result. ''The electrons in metals are mobile," explains Oakley, "and can easily be moved around by an electric field ... and that is because, in a loose way, many metal electrons are unpaired. The trick has been to try and generate molecular materials where the unpaired electron moves from molecule to molecule, as it does in a metal."

Surprisingly, the idea of turning molecules into metals predates Dr. Oakley's research by about a century. Whatis new, however, is the approach Oakley and his team have taken to make this transformation happen. "In the year 2000," says Oakley, "three individuals were awarded the Nobel Prize ... for their revolutionary discovery that plastics can, after certain modifications, be made electrically conductive. And,it's those 'certain modifications' which was crucial because thatis well recognized within the community ... you have to do something to them, you have to modify them. And basically the research in my group is: can you make a material - a molecular material - conductive without modification? That's the trick. And so our strategy is to use these molecules called radicals, which typically are very unstable. But if you can make one which is sufficiently stable and had exactly the right internal features, that's what constitutes the materials in which the electron is free to move side to side. And that's basically what we do. We make radicals which are stable. That in itself is quite a triumph." It's a triumph that marks a career spanning almost three decades, going back to the time of Oakley's graduate studies.' ''I was intersted in chemical bqn~:' ,l],(;) re.;:~路':l1tl intrigued me, because people were trying to get electrons to move around a longer polymer. It was watching this work in its infancy that made me think, 'Maybe I can do something here.' I got more seriously involved in it when I first went to Guelph in 1983. And then by 1998 I was pushing it fairly hard and that's when I Came across a very dear friend and colleague, Robert Haddon. He and I reinforced each other's interests because we had this shared interest in the possibility that radicals could be used for making metals." However, Oakley's work, as he is quick to point out, merely lays a

Dr. Oakley demonstrates an H-cell, which is used for the electrocrystailization of radical conductors. foundation for what could be POS" sible in the future; ideas of producing and marketing this discovery are a long way away. "We are not in the development end of things at all. We are in the conceptual end ... We are not going to make new devices, we are not going to make new transistors. But it is possible that these materials could be used for diverse applications." Oakley also theorized that the molecules, given their particular electron makeup" could be used in magnetic devices as well. As for the Killam Fellowship, Oakley is thankful to have won, since the applicant must submit a 10-page proposal to the Canada Council for the Arts, which then passes through a review and a series of filtering systems in a process which takes about ten months. "I'd already archived my application - I'd forgotten about

.Self-powering houses ideal Alexei Korotin SPECIAL TO IMPRINT

On Tuesday, March 14, while Google was busy hosting a Fed Hall soiree highlighted by free cake and T-shirts, UW civil engineering Prof. John Straube held a "Green Buildings and Energy Efficiency" seminar which shed new light on current environmental and energy problems. At the beginning of the presentation, organized by Green Roofs Over Waterloo (GROW), Dr. Straube commented on the alarming trends in environmental degradation and careless energy usage. He mentioned that Canada, with the world's greatest electricity consumption per capita, has proposed a number of initiatives to reduce carbon dioxide emissions and energy expenditure. However, he feels that we, are not dealing well with the main problem: poorly designed buildings. Currently, buildings consume 68 per cent of Canada's electricity output and utilizes 40 per cent of

the country's mining resources. Of this usage, only about one third of the resources is allocated for the industrial sector, meaning that the largest share of Canada's energy and raw materials is allotted to heating, cooling and constructing other buildings. While the science of designing buildings has advanced immensely in the past century, it seemed to have little effect on their construction. Dr. Straube pointed out that, over the past hundred years, the standard and quality of buildings in many respects have been steadily decreasing. This phenomenon is due in part to the cheaper energy available at the time and is partly explained by widespread skepticism of the need for improvement. However, as the world is running out of "cheap" oil and the dangers of global warming are more pronounced than ever, more tesearch has been done and it was concluded that investing in designing better buildings is not only beneficial to the environment, but is also eco-

nomically sound - it will cost less than the upkeep and maintenance of poorly designed buildings. Dr. Straube also briefly discussed the importance of exploitation of renewable energy. In his view, an ideal building sometime in the near future could be one that is fully self-sustainable (i.e. produces its own energy), is equipped with the tools to enhance local ecology, and uses bio-materials (such as cellulose). Restating that simply being au courant with environmental and economic issues is not enough, Dr. Straube stressed the need to design and construct better, more energy-efficient, environmentally friendly buildings and employ sensible urban planning as the primary solution to these problems. Although the attendees of the event left hungry and unadorned by Google T-shirts, we were all better . informed of the possible solutions to prevent the environmental turmoil we could face in the new millennium.

it completely," says Oakley. "Until I got a phone call about a month ago ... and before I could even twig to the fact of who was calling, they said 'yes, you've won.'" The fact that three out of the 10 recipients this year were chemists is a good sign about the state of the discipline. "Usually in a given yea+ there is one chemist; that's pretty good for chemistry. But this year there was three, and when you think of all the. other disciplines, and only 10 awards, to have three go to chemists, that was a good sign that chemistry is in good shape." In part, that can be attributed to the ongoing success of Dr. Oakley, his team, and his students, who he acknowledged are "very well trained and talented synthetic chemists" that should be commended for accepting such a challenging task. Bolstered by the Killam Fellowship, Oakley's ongo-

ing work continues to evolve past the point of even his own initial anticipations. ''When I wrote the [Killam] proposal," he says, "I had ideas about what I wanted to do. In the intervening year, some of those ideas I've already tried and haven't worked; other ones that I have not tried, have worked. And so the direction I'm going to pursue. is slightly different from the one which I actually anticipated a year ago. But that's perfectly normal in science - in fact, that's what people expect. The end goals are still exactly the ones that I'm going for. The paths that follow will be slightly different." So what will Dr. Oakley'S research look like by the time his fellowship ends? "As for what I'll do in two years," he says with a smile, "drop by in two years." agardiner@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

Sustainability GROWs, on Waterloo campus Rob 810m IMPRINT STAFF

We all know we're in an energy crisis. Although planet Earth may offer an ample supply of fossil fuels, the atmosphere itself is definitely reaching its finite-limit, contaminated by excess wastes of energy from volatile organic compounds and water.路 Green Roofs over Waterloo (GROW) is a relatively new volunteer based6rganization,gainingrecognition in thewinterterm of 2005, after Emma Halsall- an environmental engineer and GROW co-ordinator - and a graduate student of environmental engineering attended an instructional seminar on green roof design. ''From that, w~ decided to spread the knowledge and hold our own design seminars for students;' replied Halsall. Their foremost priority is to educate students. "My goal.is to raise awareness of the environmencil impacts of development, and to empower members of our campus to

initiate a change in the way UW is expanding;' commented Halsall. ''There is little regard for adopting energy and water efficient techniques." GROW is developing contacts and conductingresearchin order to provide a viable economical, environmental and social argument to the university to implement their ideas on building a greener campus. GROW, a'\vorkinggroup under the University of Waterloo Sustainability . Project (UWSP) has already contributedmuchto the campus. Already two buildingson campus are implementing a green roof design. Their long-term goal is to include sustainable building requirements in UW's policies.:'" If students wish to get involved with GROWs initiatives, subscribe to grow_uw-subscribe@yahoogroups. com. or visit their webpage at www. grow.uwaterloo.ca. Upcoming seminars include "green roof design" and "grey water use in buildings." rblom@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

FRIDAY, MARCH 17, 2006

physicist's vie on stress THE SOCIAL

ICIST路 This week isn't going to be about tenuous analogies between physical and social sciences. Instead, this week I'm going to be using scientific methods and applying them to my own personal life. Read on, because tbis applies to each and everyone of you. It's based on my experience in askinggirls 0111, something I understand a few of you out there do. First of all though, I owe a couple of women an apology. I didn't intentiotla/!y conduct an ex路路 periment, but looking at the controls and

before asking for a date, just in case. So, what ended up being done in this "experiment?" In the first case, there was this girl I "liked," but I didn't do anything about it for a long time. I never really explicitly asked her out - but what we're concerned about for the purposes of this column is my stress level. Stress started low and was sustained at a moderate level for months before trailing off.

In the second case, I asked her out relatively quickly. Stress started out the same, but there was a sharp spike, followed by a falloff. To make things more convenient for you, I've included a couple of graphs, numbered with axes labeled. (Side note: Always, always label your axes, science students! The lab TAs take off marks if you don't!) One axis is "time;" of course this is the X-axis. The other axis is "stress." Take a close look at the two curves. Now, here is my argument. What matters isn't the height of the peaks, it's the area under the curve. This unit (which dimensional analysis tells us is stress * time, or literally, stresstime) is the thing that one should really be concerned about. In the second case, there was a higher peak of stress, but that passed quickly: The first case entailed more streSJtilllf.

So, the conelusion that one comes tois thus: when you want to de; something stressful eventually, it is best to do it right away. But before I bring this column to a close, a couple of clarifications. Like all models in physics, my "minimizing stresstime" model of looking at things has some flaws. I'm not saying you should alll!qys take quick action in the interest of minimizing stress. : See STRESS, page 26

akingthe di Icult choice

Some time back I wrote articles on rail transit and bus transit ,signal priority, both technologies having their own benefits and associated disadvantages. A logical question posed to the decision maker is tben; which one is better, bus or rail transit? How do you decide to have one for your area? Well:the answer is not that simple. There is in fact no definite answer, since each technology is appropriate for specific conditions. For example, in Waterloo, an urban area with low densitv and few commuters, it is unreasonable to intr~duce heavy rail or rapid bus transit. Also, it is dear that buses are inappropriate for very high demand levels. The best transit systems in developed metropolises integrate different technologies according with the specific needs of each corridor or area of the city. One of the major concerns is decline in transit share. Economic conditions in m",,'w cities are improving, hence the public tran;portation level of service is declining. In developing countries, buses are very often privately owned and operated on competitive bases. Hence they yield large inefficiencies across the system. How do I decide to have rail transit for my system? Well, the traditional evolutionary approach for transit corridor development requires 15,000 passengers per hour per direction in order to decide on having a rail transit. This criteria needs to be revisited after the successful implementation of bus

rapid transit systems. According to recent research, for demand levels around 20,000 to 40,000 passengers per hour per direction, it is possible to say that maintaining current conditions without intervention (bus transit or rail transit status quo) is the "vorst option for the society as a whole. It not only gencr路 ates excessive costs to users in order to cover inefficiencies resulting from disorganized and informal operations, but long trips and high levels of pollution and accidents. The research also revealed that rapid bus transit has the greatest chances of providing L~e best socio-economic indicators for developing cities' conditions. Bus rapid systems exhibits about 90 per cent probability of being better than havIng separate bus lanes and 75 per cent probability of being better than light rail transit. Given these results, it seems necessary to keep bus rapid transit as an option for transit improvements even at high demand levels of 35,000 passengers per hour per direction. It is also evident that infrastructure, such as the introduction of bus lanes without transforming operations, is not enough for bus improvements in cities. It seems more important to transform the operational conditions with combined services (express, local), cenualized off-bo<U'd ticketing and level access. . Having bus transit or rail transit is a question that will likely continue to generate endless discussions in which subjective considerations and emotional attachment to specific technologies often prevail over technical analyses. Nevertheless, careful evaluation of cost and benefit of alternative transit options is imperative, especially from a socio-economic perspective, before actual implementation of the decision. zabdy@imprint.uwaterloo.ca

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Can't forget her memory Sometimes it is much better to forget \vhat you remember; however, a woman known as "A]:' who does not want her full name to be revealeci, cannot forget. She remembers all the details of each momentof her life. About six years ago, 34-year-old, "AJ" c-mailed a neuroscientist,James McGaugh, at the University of Califorrria, asking for help. She vltote: "Since I was 111 have had this unbelievable ability to recall my past." She expressed her life as consumed by the '''burden'' of memories that were '"'j",. C"'~, uncontroUable and totally Dr. McGaugh and his fellow researchers agreed to set several sessions to meet her and examiIle her memory Theyaskedherto ,;vritea "pop quiz" regarding the dates of the last 24 Easters. In 10 minute.<;, she handed the list of all dates, including all the things she had done each day. It turned out th.at all the provided u;.forrnation was correct, One year later, she was tested 'time all the answers were correct, too. "She sort of has a vacumn cleaner suckLflg up all of the personal eXjJel1erlce's and stoting them away so that available;' She repeatedly extr'j.(~talrL'1.ry ability by "I just know it" sh~ul~l :lplJreClalte that she does not need an hard is that

like elephants, will never forget

growth of neurons. Since the reseMch· ers f}-om Princeton University in NC\v Jersey, led by neurobiologist Elizabeth Gould, wanted to see if the benefits of running could be more import.<mt [h.ilil (he negatives, injected rats ·with a dye that trulrks new brain celis and they allo\ved only some of them to 'J;rork o~t. The result"showed those rats which run in social groups bad more new br~in cells than nOH-runners or the ones that v,Jere running alone. To fiI,>ure out how isolation makes a difference in brain cell growth, 1)r. Gould md his team measured levels of corlicostctol1e, a stress hormone, in the blood of rats tvlice, \Vhen 1'ats were beginning to run, tllC)' had higher levels of corticosterone than did t.hose ·without exercise ,vheels. But after four hours passe(~ the isolated animals, both runners and nonrunners, had higher hormone levels than did their soc1ally housed counterrarts..All n.mners had increased neuron growth, indic~lting !hoat the stress hormone had

negated the positive effects of exercise in the earlier expc-'riments, which res~xchers reported in the March 12 issue of i'\faitfl'rf NeuTosrielltl!. Dr. Gould declares these results dodtapplydirectly to humans, since even people who live alone typically have some type of social interaction. PIm; rats, unlike most humans, nm without being prompted. So there's no evidence yet to say that joining a rutu:ring club makes you smatter. Dr. Gould believes the results indicate that an individual's social context can determine whether stress is harmful

orhe-Jpful Unique attribute for humans now present in hummingbirds Hummingbirds can keep up with performing multiple aspects of their visits to at least eight different flowers over severa] days, displaying a type of memory once attributed solely to humans. Prior research

has shown that birds and rats can remember where they saw an item or event, but it's not clear if they can recall when they saw it. 'fbi.: time question i.s espedally important to hummingbirds, "\\'ho must be as efficient as possible as remove nectar from it large number Howers in their territory. Hit the sathe flower too soon and it's still empty. Wait too long and a competitor has made off with the bounty." Biologists Jona· than Henderson and Susan Healy of the University of Edinburgh in the United Kingdom checked the birds' record-keeping skills. They used eight artificial flowers to test three wild, male hummingbirds in the Canadian Rocky Mountains. The birds were able to recognize the difference bet\veen flowers that were refllled\vith nectar at 10 and 20 minute intervals, remember where the flowers were and recall when they had last used them. All

three birds returned to the flowers had been refilled

females. the l'vIarch "7 issue of journaL According to pSyCJi1010~~lSt Jonathon Crystal of of Georgia, Athens, who does lax studies with rats in the lab, "This is the first really strong evidence for timing interva.ls in a natural setting." For along time, people ,issumed only human beings \vho had a memory for unique personal could remember things. future experi· ments showthathumminghirds can also keep track of the -luality or type of nectar, they could chaUenge the view that onlv humans have this sense," he says,

move on. recognized that she has a "hyperthymestic synand they didn't fInd how it can be

No lead, more stress, more crime Stress in the urbm life can aggravate the cogrutive problems related with exposure to lead in older adults. Recent studies were performed on 1,140 adults, between 50 to 70 years old, who were randomly selected from 65 neighbourhoods in Baltimore, Maryland. 10 search the effed:s of stress on lead exposure, a measure of "psychosocial stress" was created by Thomas Glass who is a social epidemiologist at Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health in Baltimore. He gathered a series of indicators, such as "crime statistics, number of 911 calls and complaints about abandoned cars." These measurements were correlated with levels of cortisol. whic.h is a stJ:ess hormone; older people tended to have more of this hormone. Dr. Glass indicates that "some part of age-related cognitive decline may be the shadow of childhood lead exvosure."

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Hang out with other rats Does stress benefit the brain? AccordlP..g to ,frimceNnw DaifyNt111J.I~ it depends 011 the social setting. Recent research indicates that when stressed rats can spmd time WjL~ other rats, they have an increase in brain cell generation. In contrast, the isolated rats under stress do not have as mucl1 cdl gro\'\rth as others. This research appeared fi:om a study of exercise. A normal rat runs for a few kilometres a night on the exercise wheel. Previous research has shown that this can increase brain cell

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FRIDAY, MARCH 1 i, 2006

Stress: not peak, but area Continued from page 24 Her: "Welcome to Wendy's. May I take your order?" Him: "\X/o,\~ you're pretty. Let's date!" Hm, that might actually work if you had a really high charisma check. Moving on. Another clarification: this is not a guide on hmv to pick up women. Anstett's column is about developing relationships and such; if that's what you want, go read that. Nay, this is about how to get rejected in the most pain16'ss UN!Y pOJ'Sibfe. Graduat~ Otudp~o

See? Every columnist in Imprint has a unique focu~! Self-deprecating humour aside, this really applies to much more than asking girls out. I t applies to any major decision one must make - including choosing a job, choosing a university or ending a relationship. Sure, they all warrant deep thought and contemplation, but that's not the same thing as dragging an issue out for mOl1th-r. There comes a point where you knmy what you have to do, it's just convincing vourself to do it.

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The powerful eruption of Mount Jambora in 1815 was heard 2,700 km away. The volcano lost an estimated 4,200 feet of its 13,000 foot height and left a caldera 6 km wide.

Christine Loureiro IMPRINT STAFF

A volcano erupts in Southeast Asia, sending 100 cubic km of magma and pulverized rock into the air in blasts 40 km high. ten thousand people die in the flood of hot gas, ash and rock that followed. This catady'smic eruption of ]\fount Tambora on the small Indonesian island of Sumbawa, the most powerful in history, may be long forgotten in our collective memory, but the April. 1815 explosion left an indelible mark on the 'world, causing and significant shifts in ,'leather pat~ terns in the years to come, with great human and environmental costs. Over the last century, journalists, historians and volcanologists used newspaper articles, diary entries and weatherrecords from 1815 and 1816 to piece together a description of the events that followed Tambora's eruption. \\7hat they created is a startling story of cause and effect that underscores the devastating power of nature and the delicate balance between climate and life. The Tambora eruption registered 7, or "super-co!oSS?J" on the volcanic explosivity index, greater in power than the explosions of Vesuvius in 79 CE and Krakatoa in 1883 CEo Eruptions lasted from April 10 to July 15, sending 400 million tons of sulfurous gases into the atmosphere. Winds blew the gases across the world, creating a veil of dust that reflected the sun's heat, the impetus for the next vear's events. What followed was a significant drop in average global temperatures. Global cooling caused crop failures, summer snowfalls, famine, floods and epidemics in 1816, known as "The year without a summer." Temperatures in North America and Europe dropped an average of five to six degrees Celsius, producing widespread crop failure, with disparate results. Winter and spring in Quebec and the eastern United States were near normal, if a little dry, giving no indication of the unusuaUy cold summer to come. Altbough daytime highs remained relatively normal, extreme drops in nighttjme temperatures led to frosts in April and May that killed or damaged corn and fruit crops. The surprising snowfall on June 5 and 6

that blanketed New England was an indication of what would follow that summer. Further frosts through the usually temperate xDonths killed corn, fruit and vegetable crops from !\Iaine to North Carolina. Animals, particularly birds and newly shorn sheep, died of exposure in Vermont. The poor weather condi6011s had a notable result: food shortages drove many New England farmers \vestward. Conditions in Europe were worse. The altered weather had adverse effects on French crops, greatly reduced the food supply. \X'holesale failure or late harvesting of grapes due to frosts resulted in a practically nonexistent grape harvest. Food riots broke out in Britain, Switzerland and France triggering the lootingof grain ,varehouses. \X'idespread famine in Switzerland caused the government to declare a national emergency and release instructions for distinguishing edible plans from poisonous ones. That year, the British government abolished income tax because of severe food shortages. Perhaps Ireland endured the most dismal consequences of the changing climate. An exceptionally wet summer, with rain falling 142 out of 153 days, led to a wholesale destruction of wheat, oat and potato crops. An estimated 60,000 people died of famine or famine related diseases in this, Ireland's first major potato failure ..A wave of emigration follo'l.ved. The lowered temperatures and particularly moist conditions also played a pivotal role in the f:lmpant spread of disease in 1816. Scientists frequently blame Ireland's rainy summer for the typhus epidemic of 1816 to 1819. The epidemic later spread to Europe fu'ld ultimately claimed the lives of 200,000. Tambora's sulfurous cloud also draped its destructive veil over China and India. As it did in North America, the cold weather killed trees, rice crops and water buffalo herds in Northern China. The explosion disrupted the monsoon season, causing floods to engulf the Yangtze Valley and kill any remaining crops. The cooler climate also delayed India's monsoon season. Famine reduced immunity throughout Asia, weakening resistance to the spread of cholera, aggravated by the torrential rain when it finally fcU. Toe cholera epidemic eventually spread to Europe. Contemporary art and literature also reflect the dismal weather of 1816. \X'hile vacationing in Lake Geneva, Switzerland, a young author felt inspired by the unusu-

aUy abysmal weather and penned a novel reflecting the morose tone that overcarne most of Europe that year. j\lary Shelley's FrrlllkeilJi~ii/ remains a Got.l-}ic classic. Vivid streaks of green and red tilled sunsets t()f several years, caused by the sulfur aerosols lin"gering in the stratosphere fo11O\ving Tambnra's eruption. h is believed that noted British artist I. ?vL \'I;~ Turner used the spectacular s-;msets as inspiration for his paintings. \\'7hik researchers have documented the environmental aftermath of Tambora's exuption, the hwnan COST that fol1oVi'ed is difficult to as .. SeSS. I listorical and cultural damage arnount to much mote than the Humber of lives lost. The explosion obliterated one civilization in particular. The Tam.. boran kingdom of Sumbawa pea.red in 1815_ Not much is known about the civilization, which was unknown to the \'lV'estern world before the early 18005. The I1rst Dutch and British researchers to vi.sit tbe island were surprised to find the inhahitants spe;king a language unlike any other in Indonesia. Some believe the 10,000 Tamborans spoke a language i.n the Mon-Khmer family, resem bling those spoken in Indochina. Most evidence of the civilization was lost to the ash and stone of Tambora's pyroclastic flows. A recent expedition in Tambora, led by Uniyersity of Rhode Island volcanologist Haraldur Sigurdsson, unearthed remnants of the civiliza·· ti.on's village. Indochinese ceramics accompanied the charred remains of two humans in a Tamboran d\velling. Sigurdsson caned the artifacts a window to the culture destro17ed by Tambora's blast. .., In Indonesia, oyer 100,000 people died shortly following Tambora's eruption. Some lost their lives in the deadly whirlwinds and tsunamis that followed in the summer of 1815, while others succumbed to famine and disease. Add to that number victims of typhus and cholera, and one is aware of t~e fat--reaching power of this nearly 200-year-old natural disaster. The intense after effects of the climatic swings in 1816 are matched only by the erupl:ion that caused tl1em. In light of recent natural disasters and groundbreaking research on the effects of global warming, this torgotten historv serves as a reminder of the delicate e<'luilibrium of nature, and the lives that hang in the balance. cioureiro@imprint.uw8terloo.ca

FlUDAY. MARCH 17, 2006

sports@imprint.UWll.terloo.ca Spotts Editor: David Klaponski Sports Assistant: Vacant

Track and field team

es tenth place

With just one dollar you can become the richest man on earth

Congratulations to the Monmouth Univexsity men's basketball team. With Monmouth's 71-49 victory over Hampton last Tuesday night, the Hawks got the l.U1ique opportunity to punch their own ticket to the NCAA men's basketball tournament. l\nd now that thev're into the March 1vfadness tourney, "their:reward is total annihilation. But that's the life of a sixteenth seed. After climbing the mountain and >x-'inning the much-anticipated tournament play-in game, MOfu'llouth COURTESY Of uw ATHELETICS gets to·- or bas to - face Villanova in the opening round today. This, This year's track and field team set 65 season personal bests and 138 lifetime personal-bests. of course, is the same Villanova time of 3:24.42. in total, which was good enough for basketball dub that finished 'with It David Klaponsld In the triple jump, medal hopetenth place overall. Fifteen points is 25-4 record that lost but mice in Big IMPRINT STAFF ful Jason Goetz jumped 13.95m, the highest point total eyer for Wa- East conference play and sat as the although he fouled on his last fiye top team in the country for a time. terloo dating back to when record The Waterloo track and field team keeping started in 1994. If Villanova is Goliath, Monmouth set off to ilie CIS Championships jumps, his first jump was good enough for scyenth place. In the With eightyarsityrecords broken is David. Check that, Monmourl1 is during the past weekend and finsame event, Andrew MacDonald this season, the track and field team the mud caked between the treads of ished tenth place out of 17 particijumped 13.45m, good enough for David's sandals. definitely had a succesful year. pati'1g teams. tenth place. Representing Waterloo thi~ year at If movies like Hoosier.. and The Waterloo team had 15 points Remember the TiJam haye taught us the event were 10 male athletes. Bright dklaponski@imprint.uwaterloo.ca it isout to spots at the championship included . -_ _ _ _ _. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _.._ _ _ _.._ _ •_ _ _ _ _ _ _-1._ _ _ •. _ _ _......., art}'thing, neve.t count two bronze medals and two fourth place finishes. the little guy. But Tmck superstar Scott Arnald the reality for received two bronze medals with Monmouth and his times of 3:53.49 in ilie 1500m their su.rteenthseeded brethren final and 8:33.68 in the 3000m. Right behind Arnald in the 3000m -- Oral Rob· race Michael Logue finished fourth erts, Southern with a time of 8:37.13. University and Shot put specialistJustin Lutchin f\lbaUY - is that just missed out 011 the medals by they wiUlose. No 1Ocm with a throw of 15.44m earnCinderella story, ing bim fourth place in the event. no glorious upBDD:mGO~~~ In the 4-by-200, the Waterloo sets, no chance team of Nnaemeka Ukwuoma, in bell. Welcome V'.ii~!.4 CAKPBBI~ ... bar~~ Shane Ferth, Drew Haynes and Kyle to the dance, OIl:A!rrOPAD~Y - ~table Raymond, scored a point "vith a sixth Monmouth. place result and a time of 1:31.34. In fact, by LA,.t.,1RBNCE V~''DENBEL''rzL - ipod In the 4-by-400 event, Waterloo, the the time this team of Shane Ferth, Nnaemeka paper hits the Ukwuoma, Drew Havnes and Kirk newsstands, one Ewen, finished eighth place with a ~::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::~~ sixteenth-seed

- Southern University - "Jill already be praising the experience in the shadow of it 26-ooint loss. For a tournament heralded as a haven for the upset special, it sure is anticlimactic to pay 80 bucks it ticket to watch Duke run a practice in their first-round victory. And the ga~bling community agrees, too. Noted oddsmaker Danny Sheridan has Oral Roberts at the longest of long shots, at 5 sextillion-1. With $1 and six Golden Eagles wins, anyone could become the richest person on the planet. According to the school's website, Oral Roberts LJniYersity is based on "God's mandate to build a university on God's authority and the good thing, too, Holy Spirit" because they will need all the divine help they can get against top-·seeded Memphis. This is why I cringe every time I see a wide-eyed dreamer getting upset-happy while filling out their brackets. Fine, take the occasional upset - at least one fifth-seed "viti al1t'a'}s fall, but leave the ones alone. Before you know it, you ha-t,re Connecticut going home tills weekend and Northwestern State is in your final four. How did that happen? It happened because nobody considers what it means to be a sixteenth seed. It's worlds away from a 15, and it takes a special type of team to embrace the bottom of the bracket. Yet Monmouth and ilieir three fellow sLxteens "vill study [11m, formulate a gameplan and believe, albeit for maybe jUlit a few minut(~s, that they can win. One 'of these days it will happen. I t almost happened once, \vhen Princeton lost a heartbreal{er to topseeded Georgetown 50-49. But there will come a time when it will happen again, where the slipper will nt, size 16. Don't hold your breaili, though. Predicting such an event would be like '\h1.nning the Super 7 while being struck by lightning. But it will happen. Maybe, it will even happen this year. And when it does, it "rill be the single-greatest upset in collegiate spotts history. Go Monmouth. amcguire@imprint,uwaterloo.ca

QUA All-Stars and Awards winners Women's Volleyball

Squash

Figure Skating

- Sarah Watterl> (2nd Team)

. Eric Dingl~~ Ost. Team)

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-. GahrieHa Lesniak (2nd 'femn)

Men's Basketball · Graham Jarman (lst Team) · David Bu.!!'uett ., All-Rookie 1.'eam

Men's Hockey • Cmtis Hading

lilt Team AU Star d.nd. OlJA West MVP

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