GOD ananya pandya
(a zine made with you, sable starr, the universe, the black hole and the purple pussy in mind)
the prayer (after jenny zhang)
i peed myself in bed so now i’m in therapy and we mostly talk about god. i say i feel like a dude with his dick in his palm and i’m holding it and watching it flop around sort of except i am holding an umbilical cord attached to the universe and i have to remove my rib to suck it. i am in love with holy men and the hugeness of god he says he wants to jizz on the universe’s face he says i want to fuck the living shit out of you, girl i say inside me is the living shit and inside the living shit is the prayer inside the prayer is my hindu grandmother and inside my hindu grandmother is my christian mother inside my christian mother is my stupid sad life and inside my stupid sad life is the living shit dangling when i scream and sometimes screaming does good and sometimes i don’t want to do good i want to do god inside my phone i sext him and pretend to send him things by accident so for example i write god like gaaaaaaaahhhhhwd instead of his real name like abduuuuuuuul
and it’s fine he can’t tell the difference. he’s still the dude that says things like “if pluto was a planet no one would care if it had a big dick or not” and it’s so poignant i can’t think of anything important to say except to agree stare at him lovingly i can only smile like yep yes oh yeah right on i love you
groupie
babies are perfect people before they get older i myself was clean a long time ago. when i was a baby i marched with gandhi and starved. like...i followed a man but i didn’t follow a man and like every single girl there i starved because i was too hungry smearing my face with food and bodily secretions. i went home oily and happy holding the bottom of my stomach like please please please can you let me be round and perfect just this once
Spot Treatment for spending ⅓ of the time peeing in the school bathroom and Spot Treatment for ⅔s of the time you spend looking at urself in the school mirror like ur petey from guitar class who traded lunchroom carrot sticks up his nose for cocaine and a neck beard. Spot Treatment for noticing petey’s empty seat for 4/4 weeks in a row Spot Treatment for monica telling u he’s in rehab Spot Treatment for spending the last two months sniffing all the salt in the bottom of the condiment cabinet Spot Treatment for picking ur nose and lighting ur boogers on fire Spot Treatment for hearing it crackle and liking it trying to give him ur fire and burning flesh double double toil and trouble Spot Treatment for double d’s that are rlly socks and cotton, toilet paper n empty space. Spot Treatment for saying the D chord is ‘rlly the saddest sound in the world’ but then looking into his perpetually closed eyes and saying “but what do you think”
universe cunt
at the restaurant the big wet universe cunt says blah blah blah but i can’t hear anything. i am trying to be nice petting observant open bleached and fair and lovely. it wants me to say “ahhhh you are refreshing” like the big wet universe cunt is a smoothie and my big wet universe cunt won’t even speak up she orders seconds and thirds and fourths chews with her whole mouth open her whole body translucent. the big wet universe cunt wipes the corners of its mouth on the triangle edge of the white napkin but there is nothing on the napkin. we all know white will always be white and wide open only some of us can tolerate being bleached and fair and lovely i myself have 3 baby hairs on my head and they are all growing up wanting to be big and greasy. the big wet universe cunt wants babies with all of us but i am not nice now now i smile and eat cheeseburgers when it cries.
be my friend or be my enemy: ananyapandya35@gmail.com august 2018