9 minute read
Jenna van der Westhuizen
MY STORY OF BECOMING THE NEW ME
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Three whole long, yet quick, beautiful, messy years since my sudden cardiac arrest (SCA) woke up my sleeping husband and a world of family and friends to pray for a young mum whose heart stopped beating.
Today my story isn’t about the specifics of that evening, nor ICU, hospital, doctors, diagnosis, rehab, meds, prayer warriors across the world, and servant hearts in my community. Although all those pieces of the story are beautiful and it magnifies once again how we are better together, today I feel God wants to amplify not the “we” story of my recovery, but rather the “me” side. So that you can comprehend the magnitude of my miracle and new life now, I’d like to share a few sensitive details.
It’s hard to pinpoint, and I have been reluctant to share because “my testimony” is not really “mine”in that it was a multitude of people and events that form it all without my presence or even knowledge.
My testimony is very much still raw, still a delicate work in progress. I’ve cried several times as I’ve re-read doctor’s reports and a precious letter from Marthinus written 15 days after the event, just in such awe and gratitude to God for saving and redeeming me. He restored me. I’m not broken. He has restored and redeemed me fully and improved me in the process.
I have felt like I’m waiting to arrive before I could qualify to share anything, only to realise that the journey is the point, there are no arrivals. My life is not an airport. All the things that happened in me happened through me and despite me. I had no active role in my survival that evening, or my miraculous improvements over the weeks that followed. It was 100%, God. It was 100% the prayers of the faithful, the God-given skills of the medical professionals, and the Father’s kindness.
On May 29th, 2017, at 10:30 pm, Marthinus awoke to nightmarish sounds from me, turned the light on, and discovered me white-faced with no pulse and no breath. He performed CPR on me while waiting for the ambulance to arrive. Meanwhile, Laura Birch arrived and assisted Marthinus with the CPR. The ambulance took a long time to arrive. It was 45 minutes before I was defibrillated the first time, with several defibrillations to follow on the way to the hospital. I was admitted in an epileptic state, pupils dilated and unresponsive to light. Amongst all this, prayer was going out across the world. 60 hours post-admission, I had another cardiac arrest but was resuscitated after 1 round of ACLS.
Nonetheless, despite all odds, my heart improved from 10% function to 18%. Even our atheist doctor could not explain it and was expecting my heart and organs to go into failure. What followed was a succession from ICU to CCU after 1 week, somewhere in the ICU/CCU process I had a Cardiovascular Implantable defibrillator inserted (an ICD/pacemaker box in my chest) and after another week or so I was transferred to a general ward. It was in the general ward where I took my first assisted steps after losing ability on the right side. My short term memory was quite affected, and I was unable to remember or recall information easily, and I needed Occupational Therapy. After about a month in Greenacres, I was transferred to Aurora rehab to facilitate my on-going physical, cognitive and psychological rehabilitation before being able to return home – which happened in August 2017.
Now that you have a bit of background, the part of the story I feel to share today is the on-going, outworking of my testimony and growth in His love and my identity in Him over the last 3 years. Hopefully, I can encourage you in it also. So, please enjoy as I ramble along and share some insight and encouragement from my heart.
What have I learned these past 3 years? Make your bed. It clears your head and starts your day right. I promise. It’s a trick I picked up in rehab, and I’m sure there’s some sort of cognitive behavioural or psychological backing to it. It also brings to mind thoughts on Kingdom family life- and to make an excellent kingdom family, we’ve started with consistent, achievable, orderly and cleanliness, as principles we live by. I mean, God must value all those things otherwise, He wouldn’t have bothered recording an entire book on Numbers counting the people or Deuteronomy with all the health and hygiene tips, not to mention a slew of Proverbs to help.
Another thing weighing heavily on me is this: I am not a victim. I sometimes find myself having a good old pity party as I clean the house, or do the dishes, or huff and puff through exercise. Gratefully, these days, I pick up on it pretty quickly, and I can identify the lie and chase it away with the truth. How grateful I am to have a warm bed to make each day and a cupboard full of clothes to wear. Plates to eat my meals off, and a pantry with food. Gratitude chases away victimization pretty quickly. What does the Word say about being a victor?
The Word of God is hidden so deep in my heart that not even an almost death experience could steal it away from me. Even when I couldn’t remember a lot of things – I still remembered His Word. How powerful and magnificent is that! The life-giving, breathing, rhema of God lives in me and literally brings life to my bones and tastes as sweet as honey on my lips. Invest in memorising the Word. Time spent in the Word; memorising, reading, singing, praying, writing it out, meditating on it – the investment is worth it. God’s Word never returns void, so you are guaranteed an overflow of investment. You might not be able to recognise it right now, but when you need it, somewhere deep in your heart, it will climb out and bring life when you least expect it, and when you really need it.
Watch what you watch and think about what you think. I am becoming acutely aware of the impact of ‘noise’ on my thought life. As my brain grows and develops, I get a second chance to decide what content I fill my soul with. So I’m choosing the good stuff, uplifting, motivating, educational, Kingdom. I watch much less tv and read a lot more. I’m trying to minimize my socials and practice being present. I try my best to stop random thoughts and avoid chasing them down rabbit holes preventing the entertaining of entire imaginary conversations in my head. Do you know how easy it is to get lost in thoughts? It’s also that easy to change your mind. You literally just stop, take a few breaths, shift your focus and change, there is no rocket science behind it. You need to know that you have the power over your thought life, and you can rewire your brain to think differently, back to my point about digging into the Word. Wash your mind with it. Let it help you think differently. Let the Word transform you into Kingdom mindedness.
Think the best of people. People are made in the image and likeness of creator God. They are precious and honored in his sight — people matter. You matter but believe in people, love support, and honour them. Build up, don’t tear down. As you watch what you’re watching and think about what you’re thinking, be sincere and kind in your speaking. Is it true, is it kind and is it necessary? Let your words pass those gates before they pass your lips. Take every opportunity to bless and encourage people. It costs you nothing whilst holding such value to the person being encouraged.
Make peace with the new you. We are always growing and changing, and the very nature of our walk with Christ is that we would grow into mature sons and daughters of the King. Which means there will be movement. As you change old ways and adopt new thinking, you will be renewed. In that journey, you need to embrace who God has said you are before you chase who you think you need to be or what you think you should be doing. Before you are an occupation, you are a son or daughter of God. Embrace that, lean into the loving embrace of Father and enjoy your kingship. Not being able to do things for myself for that period definitely humbled me. In hospital I fell out of the bath once, maybe because I temporarily forgot that I couldn’t walk, or perhaps because I was too proud to have the nurse lift my limp naked body out one more time. As I am “growing up,” I do some things differently, and Marthinus has actually said that the “new me” is a better version of myself. I’ve grown into a better version of myself. I’ve been striving to get the old me back; meanwhile, the new me that is forming is more beautiful than the old me, straight up faithfulness of Father God. He has always said how much greater the new creation is than the old man, yet somehow habits or familiarity cause me to try and be what I’ve known of myself in the past, not necessarily live up to and grow into the things Father has for my future. Back to Marthinus - he so blessed me one day when he explained that I am now softer, kinder, more gentle, and thoughtful. I watch my words closer and use my mouth to build up, not tear down, and in all these things, according to the love of my life- I am a better version of me. I am living the “BEST” version in my new me. Let go of the old, embrace the new.
The best part of this story is that you don’t need a life-altering death-defying experience to live the new me life. God invites you now today to start. He has more for you. Even if He has answered all your prayers and set you high upon a rock, He still has more. There is still a higher height with a more majestic view. There is still a deeper depth with an all-encompassing love waiting to saturate you. If you’ve read this far and you’re looking for a sign from God. This is it. This is your sign. God wants to take you places. He wants to do something with your life, and that something is significant. You are significant, and you matter.
_ Jenna and her husband Marthinus are part of the Eldership team at Victory Church, Jeffreys Bay. They are part of a thriving young families community in St Francis Bay.
