Laura Birch

NAVIGATING LIFE IN SEASONS OF CHANGE

SEASONS CHANGE, AND THEY DON’T ALWAYS announce their arrival, but looking back over the past years, the change seems obvious, as if it is highlighted in luminous yellow, but at the time, it wasn’t so clear.

Isaiah 28:16 I will never leave you alone. I will be closer than a friend. When you walk through the waters I will be there, and you will not drown. If you cling to me and trust in Me – I will not allow you to give way in panic or be shamed in any way. I love you. My heart is kind.

Psalm 63:8 I will uphold you with my right hand. Plant and dwell in the land and produce. And more lately – I have a plan – this time has been set for you. These have been the words of God that have kept my heart calm most days in the past few years.

I wish I could say that I have been in deep prayer daily and reading the Word of God all the time, but this season has found me rushing around and trying to find my feet. Living in a new place. Worrying about my family and working hard to keep up with a new business. And yet the words spoken to my heart over time have sustained me amid this desert season.

Some 12 years ago, my wonderful husband Rob bought a small Karoo farm with a friend; this was so exciting for our family-chilly nights in front of the fire, hunting, and cold, dry winters. Everyone was thrilled, except me. I love the sea and mountains covered in forest, nowhere in my mind did the Karoo make me happy. Rob and the kids would visit the farm, and I would stay home and enjoy “me” time. Fast forward to 2016, Andrew and Caitlin are through school and at university, and the “fun” farm is now operating as a hunting lodge which Rob is running. Margreet, my friend and Healthy Mom & Baby Clinic partner, has taken over the management of the Baby Clinic, and it is blossoming with her passion, and I am very involved with me2mentoring, tribe time and meetings, and running my home.

Everything appears to be perfect on the surface, but my close friends know that I am battling with menopause, with its rushes of anxiety, little sleep, an inability to concentrate with a fog-tired brain and mood swings added all sorts of moments of their own. True to say, life is not working out like I thought it should.

This new season saw me living in the heart of the Karoo, helping my husband to manage a hunting lodge. Nowhere in my life had I planned to live alone and isolated from my friends, my church, and my passion – the Baby Clinic. But Rob needed a little help, and so I went to help him out for a while, and then one day became weeks, and then months. I had only packed a little bit of clothing because I was sure it would just be for a short time. I kept going backward and forwards to keep both sides of my life balanced. Always moaning and groaning about not wanting to live in the Karoo. But Rob was there, and I hated being without him.

I wish I could say I dived into the culture and the town and made it my own. I wish I could say I trusted God with this new venture, but I was too busy with the lodge and the clients to do anything so wise. Menopause did not help matters at all. Keeping everything happening was not easy, and I can remember crying my hardest the day the scrambled eggs for 20 people flopped.

I was so anxious some days that I couldn’t drive my car. Often walking into the kitchen and asking the staff why I was there. They still laugh about that. I can tell you that I often cried out to God for another way to live, but His answer was always that His heart is kind.

So many days, that was all I had to go on. For the longest time, I felt that God loved Rob more than me, as he was so enjoying the Karoo. Rob was, of course, facing his own mountains in getting a new business up and running, but it was hard to see that amid my personal struggle. Living about 3 hours away from my church community meant that we couldn’t get to the corporate church gathering as often anymore. All legitimate reasons, but it truly began to make a huge difference. The first few Sundays, I didn’t notice, but I became aware that I was becoming very isolated over time. My close friends helped me to realize that it was essential to stay connected and involved if I wanted to not just survive this season but to thrive in the midst of this desert time. Edna and Diana encouraged me to stay in mentoring and lead with them, and this helped me find a place to be real and stay connected to the spiritual family.

Over time, slowly worrying about the business and working so hard to make the new venture work, I began to do it all in my own strength. God Himself got shifted off the throne. My worries and concerns became more important than Him. Unfortunately, I didn’t realise how much I was struggling and just kept working harder and harder to fix the problem. I was exhausted, and the menopause fog brain didn’t help, plus I felt like the scriptures were just ‘falling out of my mind.’ The scripture in Mark 4 that talks about the cares of this world and the pursuit of riches that can choke out the Word, became so relevant, as I felt unfruitful in this time.

I had got into the pattern of just doing Christianity and not merely being a daughter and relaxing in Him, thereby not allowing my cares and worries to be His. In the midst of it all, I would wake up and cry out for Father, and He would pour out His love into me. And then I would get up and run again. It truly amazes me that He has never stopped loving me through it all.

Now I can see that I was also so disappointed in how everything had turned out that there was stuff I didn’t talk about to anyone. I mourned so many things that were no longer available to me.

I waited too long to speak to my Father about my heart, which was so sad, while He was patiently waiting for me to turn to Him. The support of my close family and true friends, encouraging me and praying for me in my darkest days became God’s lifeline for me. I realised that mentoring was more than something I did every month. God has given me companions, real friends walking with me along the journey of life through its ups and downs. Deep solid relationships that were not moved by the withdrawal of my heart, but who kept praying and encouraging me. These friends were the few that knew about the hardships, and they have been my help and support even over the distance and the whole time it has taken for me to find my way in this season.

During last year, I felt God speaking and warning me to change my words. To start to align again with God and my husband and to agree with His decree. To “dwell in the land and to plant” and trust Him that He has my future in His hands. He started to reveal that my view of the future looks completely different from His. My perspective needed to change as His never would. I have always thought I was full of faith and that I trusted Him, as He had plans to prosper me and not to harm me. But my worrying and being anxious all the time showed how little I did trust Him. I think I trusted Him to understand me and my needs and to adjust things to suit me. How foolish is that???

“I waited too long to speak to my Father about my heart, which was so sad, while He was patiently waiting for me to turn to Him. The support of my close family and true friends, encouraging me and praying for me in my darkest days became God’s lifeline for me.”

I packed the rest of my clothes and moved officially to the Karoo. I live here now. I am planted and dwelling in the land. I am trusting that He has got the best for my family and me. To bless and not to harm me.

I also found more medical help to manage the severe menopause symptoms, and this has helped me be less anxious, sleep better, and has lifted some of the fog brain syndrome. This has made it easier to manage my work. I was doing social distancing long before it was in vogue, with no one close by to pop in for tea and just to chat and pray with me. Now it’s so wonderful to “Livestream” Sunday mornings and listen to Louis preach. Times connecting with friends, as well as our online, connect group has become very special to me.

The period of isolation has not been for a few weeks only, but some years now and so, not surprisingly, I found Covid-19 a significant time. Having no clients and just our children during the lockdown time has meant that we have had precious family time together. My family have seen that I am more at peace here in the Karoo and that the Word and the Spirit are producing fruit in me.

In the midst of this season, my heart is finding peace in knowing that He is faithful and that He loves us. I am still unsure what the purpose of this season is or how it plays into my destiny for the Kingdom, but I am sure He can be trusted with it. He is my Father, and He has loved me with an everlasting love. The season has been intense, and it is not over, but I am no longer working hard alone to keep it all happening but allowing God to work it out for me and in me.

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

Hebrews 13:5-6 Let your character or moral disposition be free from love of money [including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. [I will] not, [I will] not, [I will] not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!] So we take comfort and are encouraged and confidently and boldly say, The Lord is my Helper; I will not be seized with alarm [I will not fear or dread or be terrified]. What can man do to me?

Laura and her husband Rob live in the Karoo. They have been a key part of the Eldership Team at Victory Church, Jeffreys Bay for many years.