THIRTY ONE: Issue 12

IRENE: I want to begin my story by first sharing my husband’s perspective.

JOHAN: After being married for some time, we decided to take that mighty leap of faith and start a family. Nine months later, this bundle of joy dropped into our lives.

The pregnancy was wonderful. Irene stayed active and continued working, even going to the gym, right up until her due date. Being busy with life and work, we did very little to educate ourselves regarding the actual birth or anything that followed. However, we had a brilliant midwife, and felt totally safe and at ease knowing that she was assisting us in the delivery. Our gynaecologist was also extremely professional, and every visit to her rooms turned out to be a delight.

Mikayla grew steadily and ticked all the right boxes, which left little doubt in our minds that this was not only a dream pregnancy but also a ‘dream child.’ When Irene’s contractions started, she was admitted to Linkwood Clinic’s maternity ward in Johannesburg.

The plan, her choice, was to have a water birth. The birth itself took a different direction though. Our midwife discovered that Mikayla was not positioned correctly and they had to manoeuvre her into the right position. This process was very stressful on Irene as her contractions were also increasing and everything indicated that Mikayla was ready to exit. At long last and after some serious prayer, the little one was born.

Irene was in good health and recovered well after the ordeal. It was time for mommy and baby to come home. We were told that Irene would most likely experience some form of baby blues but that it was normal to do so. We were assured that after a couple of weeks her mood would return to normal and life would be ‘back on track.’

The pressure of having a new-born baby was, to say the least, overwhelming. Mikayla was a healthy baby with normal baby tendencies. However, Irene was taking strain. The broken sleep, breastfeeding, constant worry whether Mikayla was ingesting enough milk, her erratic growth spurts, and all the niggling tummy issues of a new-born baby were taking their toll. It was becoming clear to me that Irene was not in a healthy emotional place.

On a visit to see the baby, our midwife observed that Irene was showing signs of post-natal depression (PND), or at least that her baby blues were lasting longer than usual. She suggested we consult our doctor.

The idea of being ‘depressed’ freaked us out. Depression indicates weakness, something underperformers hide behind when they cannot keep up or need to justify their failures. Irene could not come

to terms with having PND, but the signs were evident. She was very emotional. One day, she walked into my study, holding Mikayla tight against her chest, crying. “Mikayla is going to leave us one day,” to which I replied, “Not anytime soon, Babe.”

Irene also suffered from severe bouts of insomnia and would periodically have anxiety attacks. She was forgetful. Most of all, she became very needy, to the point of being obsessive about where I was and when would I return from work.

My parents lived close by, and I would collect daily meals from them, or they would come and visit if it was safe to do so. Worryingly, Irene became a recluse. She avoided contact with people as much as possible, which made any type of visit very stressful.

Sadly, besides a very good friend (who happened to be going through her own PND struggle) and me, Irene did not get much sympathy from the world we lived in. PND was something like ‘Yuppie Flu’⎯ it’s all in your mind. The consensus was that she had to ‘buckle up and get over it.’

To add insult to injury, three months after giving birth, Irene had to go back to work at SABC as a Presenter. She had a rotating schedule of live on-air slots, either day or late-night shifts. This just meant less sleep and more pressure. We had a drop-off and collect routine with the grandparents. For the next eight months, our lives consisted of drop off, collect, get home and repeat. We were both taking strain.

It was during this time that we decided Irene needed to see our doctor. The doctor informed us of the perils of PND and continued to prescribe some

aggressive medication to get it under control. It took a while before we could see any improvement, though. It felt as if Irene was locked in a neverending cycle of fatigue, insomnia, and anxiety. She also had increasing outbursts of anger, which were acting as a release valve for piled-up emotions and frustration.

Fortunately, we had people who loved us and cheered us on throughout the process of recovery, most notably our doctor who monitored Irene very closely. We never stopped praying and being thankful for all the small wins. These wins were crucial to us, as they indicated that we were progressing in the right direction.

Irene started to understand what was happening to her. Her first step to healing occurred when she finally conceded that she needed help, and began to receive it. She adjusted her lifestyle, got some sun and exercise, and changed her diet by adding Omega 3, 6 and 9.

One of her significant breakthroughs came when she read Brook Shields’ book, “When the Rain Came Down,” detailing her daunting journey through PND. It was comforting to Irene to know that she was not alone or crazy for feeling all these things. She started to get out more, and over a period became ‘better.’ Her confidence grew, her interactions with people improved, and her mental state became indistinguishable from her pre-baby days.

Mikayla was a star, all-be-it a strong-willed one at that, and she gave us much to be thankful for. We were able to celebrate her 1st birthday as a milestone for both mommy and baby.

IRENE: Four years later our beautiful son Kaiser was born. I knew what was lying ahead as we were warned that PND might strike back, which it did.

The second round was hectic, but being more prepared, and acting sooner rather than later, reduced the effects of the PND considerably. Unfortunately, I had a double dose in a shorter space of time, which ended up making it as difficult as previously.

Our backup systems were in place, and the food run, babysitting, and support were called upon again. However, seeing me suffer such mental anguish was something Johan had not encountered during the first round, and it ‘threw him for a six.’

It soon became nearly impossible to cope with. My demand levels skyrocketed as I could not go anywhere without Johan chaperoning me and being physically present. My daily menu consisted of antidepressants, anxiety medication, sedatives, and sleeping tablets. A regular phone call from my doctor to ‘check in’ became the norm.

Johan started to discourage people from visiting us, and he prevented any form of social interaction that could trigger more PND symptoms. This had an adverse effect on our family and friends, but they were very understanding about the whole situation.

Despite what I was going through, Kaiser was a very easy, happy baby!

During this dark period of my life, I remember thinking to myself “This TOO, will pass. I won’t always feel like

THIS.” I never had that resolve the first time I suffered from PND. I knew of women who suffered silently and never took the necessary medication because of shame and guilt.

It is a lie to believe that you are a failure as a mom if you need medical assistance. You owe it to yourself, your husband, and to your family to seek help.

At that time, a friend of mine who was a clinic sister and trauma counsellor told me of cases of women who suffered clinical depression for ten years, and it could be traced back to PND that was left unchecked. Recent studies have confirmed her observation.

In both of my PND experiences, I stayed on my medication for a minimum of twelve months and then weaned myself off of them with the help of my doctor. When I look back, I realise it is imperative to

• walk closely with your doctor,

• have trusted friends that you can talk to and pray with,

• and sleep!

Through all of this, I had to trust the process, and trust God was with me even if I didn’t ‘feel’ Him.

One night, I had a conversation with God and said, “Father, I am not going to take my sleeping tablets anymore, and You are going to help me sleep.” It was very late at night, and there was no sign of my brain switching off. I started watching a healing crusade on ‘God TV,’ and just enjoyed watching people getting miraculously healed.

I found myself suddenly waking up, realising that I had slept for three hours without any medication. I thought, “Ok God, if you can get me to sleep for three hours, then I know I can sleep four hours tomorrow night.” Within a short space of time, I was able to sleep for longer periods, and I knew God had delivered me from insomnia. This was a breakthrough in my health, and in trusting my Father.

Mikayla is now 14 years old and Kaiser is 10, but the memory of PND is still fresh. We actively encourage moms and dads who experience these symptoms to seek help quickly. Unchecked PND can lead to deeper emotional issues and prolonged and deteriorating depression. People assume that you can just ‘snap out of it.’ This is not true⎯you cannot snap out of PND, but sadly, you can ‘snap’ if you don’t seek help.

In closing, as I retrace my steps, I can see clearly how God led me every step of the way, from doctors to my supporting husband, to family and friends. I promise you, Sunny Days do return!

I trust my story has demystified PND and has given permission to many moms to face their own PND issues and deal with them in a healthy, constructive manner. It is time to shun the shame of PND and celebrate the journey and the victory to good mental health. •

Originally from Sydney Australia, Irene and her husband Johan currently live in Jeffreys Bay, South Africa. Irene and her husband are a much valued part of the Victory Church Pastoral Team where they love and care for God’s people

Through all of this, I had to trust the process, and trust God was with me even if I didn’t ‘feel’ Him.