Megan Carrie

5Prior to the 3rd of December, we were a tightknit bunch, bonded by our mutual love for roast chicken and quality family time. A weekly dinner brought us together, and if you were to drop by the Carrie’s on a Monday night, you would find us all around the table⎯my parents, John and Debs, my oldest brother Steve, and his wife Nikki, and the two younger siblings, Andy and I, along with some additional friends that had become family. The room would be filled with laughter, stories bouncing from every corner of the table, rib nudges and giggles and bottom-of-the-belly chuckling.

On the 3rd of December, the accident scene was a cloud of strangers and lights and anger. I remember seeing a woman screaming at the back of a police van, spewing out a host of words that I won’t repeat. Rage made itself known with every phrase that pushed out of her mouth, landing on the van with a cold, hard punch. I remember thinking at that exact moment, “There’s no time for that, and there will never be time for that.”

This, my friends, is a moment where I’m going grab my remote and press pause. I’ll shift over to the side of my couch and invite you to sit with me so that I can look you in the eye and explain to you what really happened in those ten seemingly menial seconds.

It is a moment that I never want to forget. A moment that I will reflect on and thank God for extending His forgiveness to and through me. It was in that small 10-second interaction that blame, anger, rage, and un-forgiveness were laid at the foot of the Cross. In a single moment, God untangled my head and my heart from what could’ve been 50-plus years of painful mess.

At that moment, I chose to forgive that man. I forgave him for drinking too much and making the decision to get behind the wheel. I forgave him for killing Andrew. I forgave him for running away when my brother was lying on the side of the road alone. I forgave him for making a mistake because he never went out looking to bring death. I forgave him because He first forgave me.

You see, un-forgiveness sneaks in like a wolf dressed in sheep’s skin. It tells you that withholding forgiveness will hurt the other. It whispers in your ear that ‘they deserve to feel the pain.’ It reminds you, every day, that they are not worthy to be released by your forgiveness, and that the trap you have them in is ‘justice being served.’

The opposite of this is true, though. The damage that you are attempting to inflict on them rots inside of you instead. It will sit at the bottom of YOUR heart, it will weigh down YOUR shoulders, it will consume YOUR thoughts, and skew YOUR vision. The damage is more internal than external, and the longer you listen to those whispers the less you can decipher truth from reality.

As a family, we have always openly communicated with each other. We had the hard conversations, we thrashed things out⎯both as a group and one-on-one. I am so grateful for this. It meant that my brothers, Steve and Andrew, who hadn’t always seen eye-to-eye, could sit across from each other two months before the accident and forgive each other. They exchanged apologies, made it right with each other, and even declared “I love you,” even though everything in them was shouting, “But I’m right, and you’re wrong.”

Friends, this is a challenge… My brother knew how to forgive. He knew how to say sorry. He humbled himself countless times in front of me for mistakes he’d made, and also sat in front of people who had hurt him and forgave them.

Today is a good day to take a look at your heart and analyze the deep places. Ask the hard questions, the ones that you ignore.

• Is there someone you need to forgive? It might mean sitting across from them at a table and chatting it through.

• Is there someone you need to make right with? It may mean laying your pride aside and humbling yourself before them with a painful “I’m sorry.”

Is everything in your humanness pushing back at the thought of forgiveness? Take it to the ultimate Forgiver. Let Him work in you and through you because the freedom you didn’t know you needed is on the other side.

• Maybe you need to forgive yourself. Have you ensnared yourself in the trap of unforgiveness? Unlatch the grip.

Sometimes forgiveness looks like a practical step: make a phone call, write a letter, send a message, ask for their time. Don’t let unforgiveness rob you.

Deal with it today,⎯deal with it now. There is freedom in forgiveness. •

Meg is a creative and digital marketer from Durban South Africa. She is part of Harvest Church in Umhlanga where she is part of their young adults community.