Dorien van der Walt

“I’VE GOT YOU, I’VE GOT YOU, I’VE GOT YOU!” “DON’T YOU HAVE ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY?” I WOULD SCREAM AT GOD IN MY QUIET TIME (YES, THAT’S THE KIND PERSON I AM). BUT HE WOULD JUST SMILE AT ME AND EMBRACE MY TREMBLING HEART, RUN HIS FINGERS THROUGH MY HAIR, AND LISTEN TO MY FEARS AND WORRIES.

I knew that living for God would be unpredictable and scary at times, but that it would ALWAYS be worth it in the end. But I did not expect this… “Oh God, what have we done?”

This is my story.

I met Lourens in 2005 when we both attended Victory Gap Year in Jeffreys Bay, South Africa. We were both young and felt the call of Father God on our lives. I was an 18-year-old Dutchie, and he, an 18-year-old South African, but we were in love, and we were going change the world for Jesus!

After we got married, we lived in Phalaborwa and led the youth group and worship team in Lourens’s church. I thought we would live and die in Phalaborwa. We were making an impact on the community, and I was happy. We also had our first son there, Jaden Lourens (which means ‘seeker of truth’ and ‘crowned one/worshiper’).

One morning, I woke up and knew something had changed. Lourens walked into the bedroom with my morning coffee (yes, I know, I’m spoiled), and in a serious voice, he told me he had a dream. We look at each other, and I said, “We’re

moving, aren’t we?” Soon after, we packed our belongings and moved to Jeffreys Bay.

Lourens quickly got involved with the worship team and started searching for a job. I signed myself up for Moms & Tots and began making friends. We also had our second child during this time, Liané Selah (which means ‘willow/fruitful’ and ‘be still and know God is Good’). The two kids together were a handful, but I tried not to cry too much. Slowly but surely, I started to feel normal again and realized that living without my family, culture, and Mom was possible!

Before long, we started working with Victory Gap Year (VGY), Worship Academy. It was a dream come true. Playing music ALL day and positively influencing young people’s lives… what more could we want?

We lived with the VGY students, ate with them, cried, laughed, shared victories, and sat with them in their dark valleys. Living with students was a rollercoaster of joy and heartache. My kids loved it because it was like having older brothers and sisters around all the time. The biggest challenge was that we’d always have to say goodbye at the end of each year.

During this season, we also welcomed our beautiful adopted son, Colin Nkosinathi (which means ‘victory of his people’ and ‘Emmanuel, God with us’), into our family. Lourens and I have always wanted to adopt a child as it is very close to our hearts. After a long process, we finally went

to fetch our ‘blessing baby.’ He was only four months and three weeks old at the time. Relaxed as can be, he has always been full of smiles and sweeter than sugar!

Our time at the Gap Year was marked by continual change and moving locations; where we lived each year was reliant on how many students there were and where we were needed. My heart longed for a home of our own, where the kids could paint their rooms any colour they wanted, and where I could have a vegetable garden.

At one point, I had actually given up on my dream of a home, but God hadn’t. He always knows the right time. At the end of 2015, someone blessed us with the deposit, and then we miraculously qualified for a mortgage. God was all over it!

Finally, we could have our own place! We designed the house ourselves and selected everything according to our wishes. We even dug a hole and buried a Bible and letters of gratefulness to God in the foundations of the house. I was so happy.

Soon after we settled into our new dream home, I was blessed with a plane ticket to visit home with my twin sister. It had been five years since I was on Dutch soil. I felt like breakthrough was happening and all of my prayers were being answered!

It was amazing to be in Holland again, and spend time with my parents, brother, and sisters. My

heart was full of gratitude towards Father. He DID hear all my prayers and His timing was always perfect.

In the weeks that followed, Father kept speaking to me about ‘seasons’ and how they end. I, of course, thought He was talking about my season of waiting and trusting for breakthrough… for a baby, for friends, for a house, etc.

One afternoon, as the kids were playing outside, Lourens received a call from my brother-in-law in Holland. I felt a shift in the atmosphere and clearly heard God say, “Your season in JBay is over.” I promptly walked to my bedroom, sat down in defeat on my bed, and cried. How can this happen now? I felt Father say, “Will you trust Me with your family, and will you answer My call?” After the call, Lourens walked into the room, and we knew with just one look into each other’s eyes that this was it. Father was asking us to walk a narrow road, one that didn’t make sense to my broken heart.

After careful consideration with friends and family, we decided to move to the Netherlands to assist Christ Centered Church in Zwolle. Christ Centered is a church planted from Victory Church by Matthijs and Judith Brouwer (Judith is my sister). To make a long story short, our transition to the Netherlands didn’t quite go as planned.

• We packed up in November 2016 and went to live with Lourens’ parents in Phalaborwa. We were only supposed to be there for two months, max, while we wait for our immigration documents.

• While we were waiting, our pastor and his family got into a serious car accident. We were able to be there for the family and help their team, not only to maintain but to build and grow the congregation. (We believe that wherever you are, you should leave a mark.)

• Our papers were delayed a couple of times, and we ended up staying for seven months.

During this season, I learnt, once again, that no matter where you are, Father wants to use you every minute of the day. There is no perfect time to live out your calling. In the waiting, I drew closer to Father and found healing for my heart.

When the day finally arrived for us to leave, we packed our whole life into eight bags and arrived at my sister’s place in Holland with only our clothes and guitars. We planned to stay for a couple of months until we found our own place, but a year later we are still looking and, in MANY ways, still in transition.

Once again, I feel the Father smiling at me and saying, “I’ve got you now.”

When you feel Father speak to you about stepping out of the boat or making significant changes in your life, I encourage you not to do it alone. Surround yourself with people who know you, love you, and will encourage you to keep going.

This has been a journey of finding our feet again in a strangely familiar place and culture. We’ve

had to make new friends, reconnect with family, and redefine what our role in ministry looks like. Yet, through it all, God keeps whispering those tender words to me, “I’ve got you.”

I know without a doubt, that He is good, and His timing is perfect! •

— Books that encouraged me in this season:

• The Bible (The Passion Translation)

• Instinct, by TD Jakes

• Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, by Peter Scazzero

• Heart Made Whole, by Christa Black Gifford

• Fierce Faith, by Alli Worthington

Songs (just a couple):

• Not Today, by Hillsong United

• I’m Listening, by Chris McClarney

• Thirsty, by Chris McClarney

• Jesus is Willing, by Kristene DiMarco

• I Am No Victim, by Kristene DiMarco

• Hills and Valleys, by Tauren Wells

Scriptures:

• Philippians 4:7

• Ephesians 2:10

• Colossians 2:10

— Dorien lives in Holland with her husband and 3 children. She is part of the thriving community at Christ Centred Christian Church, Zwolle.