The Village Family Magazine - October / November 2015 by The Village Family Service Center

Fargo-Moorhead’s Biggest Family Events Calendar

October/November 2015

WHAT’S YOUR

HALLOWEEN

STYLE? video games rising suicide rates tarnish the golden years

The Money Team, Makes Your Life Easier

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Who needs a flu vaccine? Everyone 6 months of age or older. The best way to protect yourself and your family against the flu is to get vaccinated. Vaccines are available for adults 18 years and older without an appointment. To vaccinate children 6 months to 17 years, please call for an appointment at 701.364.8900.

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YOUR FAMILY z from the editor October/November 2015 Vol. 19, No. 5 Publisher The Village Family Service Center Gary Wolsky Tammy Noteboom Editor-in-Chief Kelly Lynch Graphic Design & Layout Jared Zimney Advertising Sales Kelly Lynch Calendar Editor Shayna Hendricksen Copy Editor Shayna Hendricksen The Village Family Service Center Board of Directors Carrie Bjorge, Steve Connelly, David Dougherty, Richard Duysen, Al Erickson, Judy Green, Dr. Richard Hanson, Tammy Hauck, Richard Henderson, Dr. Karen Mellum, Tom Nelson, Jim Newenhouse, Dr. Joy Query, John Wagner, Becky Walen

For advertising, call 701-451-4937 For editorial comments or questions, please call 701-451-4937 or email magazine@ TheVillageFamily.org For subscription information, please call 701-451-4936 Printed by Forum Communications Printing, Fargo, N.D. ©2015 The Village Family Magazine. All rights reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part without permission is prohibited. The Village Family Magazine is a registered trademark.

The visual that comes to mind for me when I think of kids playing video games looks like this. It’s my then 5-year-old son, Jake, jumping around in front of the TV with a Nintendo controller in his hands, playing Super Smash Bros. The boy would move around, jumping, ducking, leaning and doing everything he could to mimic his player—believing that’s what it took to be successful in the game. My overzealous, tow-headed child would be drenched in perspiration after playing for about 10 minutes. It was enormously entertaining to witness, and I was never worried about Jake’s gaming leading to lethargy! I grew up during a different era of video games. Pong, one of the first interactive television games ever, was a crude depiction of table tennis, or ping pong. We had the upgraded version of the game which included a shooting feature complete with plastic rifle—very cutting-edge stuff. Flash forward 30 years to the introduction of Wii Sports. Using the Wii controller, players can mimic the actions of a variety of sports—tennis included. The graphics on the screen have morphed a million miles from the black background and white, rectangular paddles that basically stopped the ball (i.e. white dot) from moving off the screen in Pong. Modern video game graphics, storylines, and musical scores often rival those of blockbuster movies. With digital games, digital add-on content, mobile apps, subscriptions, and social network game play constantly evolving, video game sales generated $15.4 billion in 2013, an increase from $5.1 billion in 1997. According to the Entertainment Software Association, 51 percent of U.S. households own a dedicated game console. Like the evolution of many technologies, there is a constant debate over whether or not video games are good for children. And, also like so many technologies, a concept that serves parents and children well is moderation. When radios came into popularity, parents worried too much listening would be harmful—ditto with TV, computers, cell phones, video games. None of these things is inherently bad for you, but spending too much time on any one of them means you’re spending less time interacting with family and friends. Writer Gwendolyn Hoberg explores the pros and cons of video gaming in the article, Video Games: Finding a Balance. My sons laugh when I describe Pong to them. They grew up with the colorful, storydriven adventure of The Legend of Zelda series, the evolving mini-stories set among beautiful scenery in World of Warcraft, and most recently, watching the video games they play turned into major motion pictures. When I look at how far the industry has progressed from the days of the white paddle on a black background, I’m fascinated to imagine what the video game world of my grandchildren will look like. Thanks for reading,

The Village Family Magazine does not necessarily endorse content of advertising. The mission of The Village Family Magazine is to broaden the ability of The Village Family Service Center to improve the quality of people’s lives. In each issue, articles and features will educate and encourage families to develop and maintain positive, constructive relationships. Mail correspondence to: The Village Family Service Center ATTN: Family Magazine P.O. Box 9859 Fargo, ND 58106

About the Cover Photo Carrie and Jesse with sons Jonah (6 years), Seth (5 years), and Henry (6 months) Photography by Britta The Photographer www.BrittaThePhotographer.com (See ad pg. 34)

October/November 2015

departments z consumer

6 These 9 Health Insurance Terms Confuse You…and Everybody Else

If selecting health insurance has you perplexed, you are not alone. Learn these common health insurance terms before you buy.

z celebration

14 What’s Your Halloween Style?

Take our short quiz to find out if you’re classic, modern, or crafty when it comes to celebrating on October 31.

z lifestyle

16 Networking 101 for Moms

Raising children can be isolating. Discover ways to stay connected and interact with other moms. z spiritual

20 Fostering an Attitude of Gratitude

Incorporate some of these strategies into your family’s routine to teach kids the importance of being grateful. z feature

36 Rising Suicide Rates Tarnish the Golden Years

A look at how the challenges of aging can lead to depression and suicide and what can be done to alleviate it. z parenting

40 Video Games: Finding a Balance

Understand the pros and cons before deciding if your kids should play video games. in every issue z gary’s opinion.......... 9

z events calendar....... .24

z books & movies....... 10

z food & fun................ .45

z mom’s view.............. 12

z words & wisdom...... .46

z dad’s view................ 13

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October/November 2015

YOUR FAMILY z consumer

ow that we’re all required to buy health insurance thanks to the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, it would be nice if we understood what we’re getting, right? Unfortunately, a study published in 2013 in the Journal of Health Affairs raises some serious doubts about whether we really understand what the insurance companies are selling us. Researchers from the Urban Institute surveyed more than 7,000 people between the ages of 18 and 64 and found that not quite half said they weren’t even somewhat confident they knew the meaning of nine common health insurance terms. Among the uninsured, fewer than one in four said they knew the meaning of all these common words and phrases. These are the terms that tripped them up:  Premium  Deductible  Co-pay  Coinsurance  Maximum annual out-of-pocket spending  Provider network  Covered services  Excluded services  Annual limits on services In case you’re scratching your head over some of these terms, too, here’s a handy guide to help clear the confusion.

1. Premium

The premium is the amount you pay to the health insurance company to keep your policy in effect. Think of it as your membership fee. Premiums are often 6

October/November 2015

assessed on an annual basis but may be paid monthly, quarterly, or biannually, depending on your insurer.

2. Deductible

More than three-fourths of those surveyed by the Urban Institute said they were somewhat or very confident they understood what a deductible meant. That’s good, because a deductible can add up to some serious cash coming out of your pocket. However, less than half of those who are uninsured understood deductibles. If you fall into this category, pay close attention. A deductible is the annual out-ofpocket cost you pay before your health insurance coverage kicks in. So if your deductible is $1,000, your insurance company will not pay for a dime of your care (other than for some preventive services mandated by the health reform law) until you pay $1,000 out-of-pocket in medical costs. And no, your premium payments don’t count toward the deductible. Here’s an example: Let’s say you have a policy with a $5,000 deductible and you need an MRI. Other than one doctor office visit, you haven’t had any other medical care for the year. The MRI costs $3,000. Now, how much is the insurance company going to contribute toward that $3,000? Zero. That’s right. Zip. Zilch. Nada. It’s all on you. Understanding your deductible is crucial because in order to keep premiums low, some insurance companies are raising deductibles. A high-deductible plan can make perfect

sense for some people, but if you have a chronic condition or need regular medical care, you might want to keep shopping.

3. Co-pay

Co-pay is the most widely understood health insurance term, according to the Urban Institute survey. A co-pay is your portion of the bill after the deductible has been met. Co-pays are fixed rates, such as $20 per office visit.

4. Coinsurance

While most people are confident they know what a co-pay is, coinsurance is the least understood term. Only 57 percent of all survey respondents said they felt somewhat or very confident they knew what the word meant, and less than a third of those uninsured said the same. However, coinsurance is almost the same thing as a co-pay. It’s your portion of a medical bill. The only difference is that coinsurance is a percentage while a co-pay is a fixed amount. You might see coinsurance referred to in terms of 80/20 or 70/30 coverage. Those numbers mean you pay for 20 percent or 30 percent of the bill, respectively. Then, your insurance company will pick up the tab for the rest of the approved amount.

5. Maximum out-ofpocket annual spending You want this number to be as low as possible. Maximum out-of-pocket annual spending means that once you have paid a certain amount for the

year, your insurance company will begin paying 100 percent for all covered services. Your co-payment and coinsurance requirements essentially disappear at that point. In 2016, health insurance sold on the government exchanges cannot have out-of-pocket spending limits higher than $6,850 for individual plans or $13,700 for family plans. Be aware that premiums and some costs you may have to pick up for out-ofnetwork care do not count toward this out-of-pocket maximum.

6. Provider network

It’s unusual to find a health insurance plan that doesn’t include a provider network nowadays. The network includes all the providers who have an agreement in place with the health insurance company to accept patients from their plans. The agreement typically also stipulates an acceptable price for the provider to charge for certain services. If you use a provider outside your health plan’s network, your insurer could charge you a higher co-pay or coinsurance, or they could refuse to pay your bill altogether. Before switching plans, always check to see if your preferred health care professionals and facilities are in the provider network.

7. Covered services

Just like it sounds, covered services are those your health insurance plan will pay. Under the Affordable Care Act, there are 10 essential health benefits all plans must cover. These range from mental health services to prescription drug coverage.

For everything else, it’s up to the insurer to decide what’s offered in the plan. If it’s important that you have a certain benefit, such as chiropractic care, make sure it is in a plan’s covered services before signing up.

8. Excluded services

After coinsurance, excluded services got the second lowest vote of confidence in the Urban Institute study. However, excluded services are just the opposite of covered services. They’re items your health insurance plan specifically says it won’t cover. Examples of commonly excluded services may include cosmetic surgery or weight loss regimens.

9. Annual limits on services

Health insurance companies sometimes limit how much they will pay for some covered services. Going back to chiropractic care as an example, a health plan might include coverage but limit you to 20 visits per year. Once you hit the limit, you have to pay 100 percent out-of-pocket for future chiropractic care. Annual limits on services can also be dollar amounts. Once a company has paid a certain amount, they may stop paying for that particular service. Congratulations! You made it to the end. Reading about health insurance may be about as much fun as studying for college final exams, but your wallet will thank you when you pick a plan that covers the care you need and doesn’t leave you to foot the bill. Prepared for Money Talks News, by Maryalene LaPonsie, www.moneytalksnews.com

Are you thinking of buying A home? Attend The Village Family Service Center’s FREE Homebuyer Education Class. • Local lenders, realtors, and housing assistance programs offer advice

• Option to work one-on-one with a financial counselor to create a personal financial action plan (included at no charge)

Upcoming Dates: October 19 & 20 from 5:45-9:45 p.m., Best Western Kelly Inn and Suites, 1767 44th St. S., Fargo, ND November 16 & 17 from 5:45-9:45 p.m., Clay County Family Service Center, 715 11th St. N., Moorhead, MN December 14 & 15 from 5:45-9:45 p.m., Best Western Kelly Inn and Suites, 1767 44th St. S., Fargo, ND This is an authorized education program to qualify for Homebuyer Assistance in Fargo and Moorhead.

Call 701-235-3328 to register or visit www.helpWithmoney.org

October/November 2015

9th Annual Wine & Dine November 20, 2015

Life isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t easy for many of the children in our community, and the proceeds from Wine and Dine impact the lives of children in a positive way through Big Brothers Big Sisters and Nokomis Child Care Centers, both programs of The Village Family Service Center. You can help by donating Silent Auction items or making a cash donation for the 9th Annual Wine & Dine at the Fargo Holiday Inn, Friday, November 20. Your Silent Auction item/cash donation will help strengthen our community by strengthening the lives of individual children, right here, right now. Call Jenny at The Village Family Service Center at 701-451-4957 to make your donation.

Thank you to our title sponsor:

Visit us online at www.fmwineanddine.com Check us out on Facebook! FM Wine & Dine

YOUR FAMILY z gary’s opinion

Let’s Keep It Real behavior. All the rules on political correctness people conjure up cannot change the facts—there are natural differences in every dimension we know. Understanding this and working within the reality it suggests will always be better than denying it. All the trophies you can manufacture won’t change the facts, and sheltering children from reality puts them at a disadvantage. Our country’s founding documents speak definitively about equal opportunity. It falls short in some ways, but in the history of mankind, it’s the most level playing field that’s ever been created. There is no mention of equal outcomes. There are simply no guarantees. You can work tirelessly, and due to a host of unanticipated events, you can still lose. We’ve creatively concocted some very good “safety nets” to soften the risk, such as various forms of insurance

products. These are very useful tools. But you can’t buy anything that counteracts laziness, lack of education, or an attitude of victimhood. Giving trophies or accolades when they’re meaningless is in defiance of nature, and I believe it represents a politically correct approach that has never worked in other societies and won’t work in ours. Our job as parents and society as a whole is more about helping our children develop their strengths and compete well—with strong values and positive attitudes—in what sometimes is a difficult world. Distorting their reality will not prepare them for the real world. The opinions expressed in this column are strictly those of The Village Family Service Center CEO. They do not necessarily reflect the views of the organization, staff, or boards of directors.

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By Gary Wolsky, President/CEO The Village Family Service Center Steelers linebacker James Harrison wrote on his Instagram Wolsky account he is taking away the participation trophies awarded to his two sons—ages 8 and 6—until they “EARN a real trophy.” Finally someone with some common sense speaks about the political correctness that’s infecting our culture. He may not be the best role model in the country, but he certainly has this right. The problem with political correctness is that it defies reality. We are simply NOT all the same, and no amount of artificially trying to re-balance the scales can make people equal when they are not. One of the many joys in life is discovering those things at which we excel and the things that give us satisfaction. From there, we downplay and mitigate the things we’re not so good at. It’s called life. A constant process of living in reality and adjusting as necessary. Getting a trophy or other award just for “showing up” distorts how the real world works. You can pass a third or fourth grader on for “social” reasons, but if he can’t read, he knows it and his future employer will know it, too. All three of my kids played a lot of sports. They had some wonderful coaches and some lousy coaches, some wonderful teams and some lousy teams. They were very good at some sports and not so good at others, but from all of them they learned lessons in real life—complete with excitement and the occasional disappointment and tears. It’s true that we learn more from our challenges than our successes, and telling someone they’ve “won” when they haven’t is simply lying to them. John Wayne said, “Life is tough, but it’s tougher if you’re stupid.” If we are not straightforward and honest with children, we put them at a disadvantage. Somewhere in my adult life, I began to look at many things through the template of a bell curve. It is probably one of the most natural and predictable occurrences in nature—including human

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October/November 2015

Kelly

Goonies Avengers: Age of Ultron

PG-13 Available on DVD October 2 This explosive, action-packed sequel to The Avengers delivers blockbuster entertainment. Iron Man (Robert Downey, Jr.), Captain America (Chris Evans), Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson), the Incredible Hulk (Mark Ruffalo), Thor (Chris Hemsworth), and Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) team up, once again, to defeat Ultron, an ultra-intelligent android focused on destroying humanity. Humorous quips from the star-studded cast of superheroes keep the fast-paced storyline moving. This is a must see for Marvel fanatics.

PG Available on DVD Come along on a treasure-hunting adventure as a group of outcast kids from a broken down seaside neighborhood called the Goondocks search for a windfall of gold and jewels. After stumbling upon a legendary treasure map, the kids find themselves in a maze of underground caverns and must negotiate past deadly booby-traps while being pursued by a family of dimwitted criminals. They all reach the underground pirate ship and the fight for the treasure really begins. This 1985 classic features Sean Astin, Corey Feldman, Martha Plimpton, Anne Ramsey, Joe Pantoliano, Robert Davi, and Josh Brolin.

The Peanuts Movie PG On Netflix Instant Stream The madcap Madagascar penguins are at it again. Skipper, Kowalski, Rico, and adorable little Private join forces with an elite group of secret agents known as The North Wind. They are on a mission to defeat mad scientist Dr. Octavius Brine (a disgruntled octopus who lost his popularity among zoo visitors when the cute little penguins appeared). Brine has created a machine to remove the cuteness from all penguins—turning them into monsters. The quick-thinking penguins reverse the machine at the final second, using Private as the cuteness source, and restore all the penguins to normal. Voices include Tom McGrath, Chris Miller, Conrad Vernon, Christopher Knights, Benedict Cumberbatch, and John Malkovich. © 20th Century Fox

October/November 2015

G In Theaters November 6 State-of-the-art, 3D animation brings all of the beloved Peanuts gang to life on the big screen. Watch Charlie Brown try to summon up the courage to pursue the new kid in the neighborhood…the little red-haired girl. Lucy, Linus, Sally, Schroeder, Pigpen, Peppermint Patty, and the loveable beagle, Snoopy, all join in the antics. The movie is being released 50 years after A Charlie Brown Christmas debuted on television.

Penguins of Madagascar

YOUR FAMILY z

Book Reviews Courtesy Barnes & Noble, Fargo

Baby & Preschool Spooky Pookie by Sandra Boynton It’s Halloween! What will little Pookie decide to be this year? Pookie tries on costumes one by one, but somehow can’t find just the right thing. The resolution to Pookie’s dilemma will delight toddlers and their caregivers alike. Told and illustrated with Sandra Boynton’s celebrated charm and pizzazz, Spooky Pookie has all the makings of a beloved Halloween classic. Boo!

Ages 9 to 12 Project Jackalope by Emily Ecton Jeremy’s troubles begin when his eccentric neighbor leaves him an “experiment” for safekeeping—a jackalope! This so-called mythological creature looks like a bunny rabbit, but comes with razor-sharp antlers and is purported to be a ruthless killer. When government agents show up at Jeremy’s house seeking the jackalope for their own nefarious purposes, Jeremy must find a way to protect the jackalope, and himself. A hilarious and suspenseful adventure, complete with a compelling and unforgettable cast of characters.

Teenagers Dumplin’ by Julie Murphy A humorous, thoughtprovoking book that fans of John Green and Rainbow Rowell will love. The heroine— self-proclaimed fat girl Willowdean Dickson—has always been at home in her own skin. When she begins to doubt herself, Willowdean does the most horrifying thing she can imagine: entering the Miss Teen Blue Bonnet Pageant—along with several other unlikely candidates—to show the world that she deserves to be up there as much as any twiggy girl does.

LOCAL AUTHOR SPOTLIGHT!

Ages 4 to 8 The Alphabet Takes a Journey… Destination Ethiopia by Bethlehem Abera Gronneberg The letters of the English alphabet are off on a fantastic adventure to Ethiopia. Their tour guides are Ethiopian language letters, the Amharic Feedel. Read along as, together, the letters discover castles, colorfully woven baskets and gourds, stone engravings, waterfalls, wild animals, and so much more. Local author Bethlehem Abera Gronneberg draws from her Ethiopian roots to share the wonders of a faraway place and teach eager readers about the world around them. —Reviewed by Kelly Lynch

Adults Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things by Jenny Lawson Author Jenny Lawson is an award-winning humor writer known for her candor in sharing her lifelong battle with depression and mental illness. A hysterical, ridiculous book about crippling depression and anxiety? That sounds like a terrible idea—and terrible ideas are what Lawson does best. Furiously Happy is a book about mental illness, but under the surface it’s about embracing joy in fantastic and outrageous ways, and who doesn’t need a bit more of that?

October/November 2015

YOUR FAMILY z mom’s view

Take Your Mark By Gwen Rockwood

I crawled into bed last night earlier than usual feeling completely exhausted. That swim meet really wore me out. But I didn’t swim a single stroke. The kids did, though. They swam freestyle races, backstroke races, breaststroke races, and a couple of relay races, too. And even though my husband and I were in the stands watching and cheering them on, by the end of the night, it felt like I’d raced my heart out as well. Every time the announcer said, “Swimmers, take your mark,” a ball of nervous energy ballooned up in my chest. Then when the starting buzzer sounded, I stood up as the kids dove into the pool and held my breath while they sliced through the water as fast as they could go. “Go, Kate, go! Keep going, Jack. You’ve got it! You’ve got it!” I yelled from the stands which were at least 20 yards away and above the pool. It occurred to me several times that my little racers couldn’t hear a single word I was saying, particularly when their ears were under water while doing the backstroke. But I kept cheering like a maniac anyway because it was the only way to deal with that ball of nervous energy swelling up in my chest. As they swam the length of the pool, I felt myself walking the length of the viewing stands, as if I could somehow help them swim faster if I drifted along with them. When the kids touched the finish wall, I jumped up and down and waved my arms around as if I was on fire so they could see me celebrating for them. I high-fived my husband and then flashed a thumbsup to the kids as they wrapped a towel around their shoulders after climbing out of the pool. Then I’d sit down, catch my breath, and wait for their next race to start, which would begin the whole process anew. After eight starts and eight close finishes, the two-hour swim meet was over and we met our racers on the pool deck. One of them was elated with two blue ribbons. One was devastated over a race lost by a fraction of a second. On the drive back home, I rode the waves of both high and low emotions spilling out of the back seat. Happy. Sad. Joyous. Frustrated. Thrilled. Downcast. We went to a burger joint and alternately celebrated and drowned our sorrows in a chocolate shake. By the end of dinner and the bottom of the chocolate shake, the group consensus was we were happy for the victories and looking forward to the chance to race for redemption some other day. (And really happy about the chocolate shakes.) 12

October/November 2015

Illustration by Trygve Olson

One of the many things they don’t tell you when you bring a baby home from the hospital is that you won’t just stand by watching your children’s adventures. Your heart will go on all those adventures with them. You feel the nerves and the adrenaline. And you most definitely feel the thrill of victory and the sting of defeat. Their highs and lows get added to the ones you’ve already got on your own. It’s quite a roller coaster—one that sometimes requires an earlier bedtime just to recover and recharge. But oh, what a blessing to be on the ride. Gwen Rockwood is a syndicated freelance columnist. Her book, Reporting Live from the Laundry Pile, is available on Amazon and at Nightbird Books. Email her at rockwoodfiles@cox.net or write to her in care of this magazine.

YOUR FAMILY z dad’s view

Kiddie Comments Make Me Laugh By J. Shane Mercer

Watching your children grow up is a wonderful thing. And not in that syrupy sweet, slow-motion, fuzz filter way that they show you on commercials where they’re trying to tug at your heart strings to sell you really expensive kids clothes because childhood is a magical time, and one day they’ll be all grown up, and you’ll wonder, “Where did the time go?” and “Why didn’t I cherish the special moments more?” And so, somehow, that means I should buy them some new pants. No, I’m talking about those growth milestones that make things better for you, the parent. Perhaps the most obvious is potty training. After years of cleaning up the business of other human beings, it’s really nice to reach a point where you only have to worry about your own—you know—business. Less obvious, but still really nice, is the point at which the kids are old enough to pour their own cereal so you can sleep in on Saturday mornings. And then, of course, there’s the joy of having an heir to whom you can bequeath your lawn mowing duties. But it’s not all freedom and sleeping in. There are some downsides to all this growing up. One real negative is the fact that children stop saying the insane, bizarre, ridiculous things they start saying around age 2 or so. For the first few years of their speaking lives, child conversations are just a delightful blend of gross oversimplification, brutal bluntness, and utter sincerity delivered via rudimentary speech skills, often without a hint of sarcasm or irony. Once, my then 6-year-old son, Will, brought home information from school about a blood drive. He said to do the blood thing I might have to die so I may not want to do that. Another time, Will had a good friend at school whose parents were, I think, separated or divorced. Perhaps that’s what prompted the conversation he had with Amy (i.e. his mom and my wife). Will: “Mom, are you going to break up with Dad?” Amy (perhaps a bit surprised by the question): “No, I love Dad. We’re not going to break up.” Will: “Yeah, he is pretty funny.” So, as long as I keep making with the jokes, I’m safe, I guess. Another time he asked me, “Do you toot when you’re dead?” To be sure, my son doesn’t have a monopoly on humorous quips. My wife and I also have twin daughters, who are now 11. Once, when Ariana was 4, she went potty, looked in the toilet, and said, “It looks like a camera on a stick.” Another time, she told me that she had changed her mind about wanting to be a rock star because she was concerned that people might miss seeing her when she was on television. She said that was worrying her. Once at the mall, Ariana saw a man with a patch on his eye and said, “Does that guy need an eye patch or is he just trying to be cool?” The genuineness is so wonderful. That’s why contrived cuteness on sitcoms is so obnoxious, while kids in real life are so endearing. On TV shows, some adult has written a line and said, “Wouldn’t it be cute if the kid said such and such?” In real life, the insanity just spews forth naturally from their little noggins. It’s real stuff.

Illustration by Trygve Olson

One time, my other daughter, Talia, got out of the car to go to school and announced, “It smells like excitement!” On another occasion, she said, “Right this minute, I feel like a professional rapper.” They’re not always crazy. Sometimes, kidisms are just very true. For example, Ariana once said, “Most of the time when I do something stupid, I don’t think before I do it.” Those are words to live by. And sometimes they ask questions that are so big, so philosophic that you don’t know where to begin answering. Will once asked me, “How does air work?” Another time, he asked, “Is this my life or is it a dream?” Other times, their comments are just really, really practical. Once, when I made soup, Will asked: “Does it have green beans in it?” Me: “No.” Will: “Broccoli?” Me: “No.” Will: “Lettuce?” Me: “No.” Will: “Peas?” Me: “No.” Will: “Yay!” Will was relieved that he’d discovered nothing particularly healthy in the soup. And, when you’re 6, that’s a very practical concern. J. Shane Mercer is the digital marketing specialist at The Village Family Service Center. He and his wife, Amy, live in Fargo with their three children, Ariana (11), Talia (11), and Will (7). October/November 2015

YOUR FAMILY z celebration

t’s time to pick out some By Michelle Shirk pumpkins and brush up on your apple-bobbing skills! There are plenty of exciting ways to enjoy Halloween with your family. Do you love starting new seasonal traditions or prefer celebrating the old-fashioned way? Take the quiz below to find out your Halloween style. 1. Your spouse comes home from the local farmer’s market with a pumpkin. You promptly:

A. Gather your kids to watch you carve it. They can help by sketching a design and scooping out the seeds. B. Turn the kids loose on it with a sticker decorating kit. C. Search online for this year’s hot decorating ideas—bring on the paint and glitter!

2. Your personal favorite Halloween candy to munch is:

A. Candy corn, of course! B. Mini Snickers, M & M’s, or some other chocolate-based favorite. C. Homemade candy apples.

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3. However, trick-or-treaters visiting your house can expect to receive:

A. That orange and black-wrapped taffy that has been around forever. B. Small bags of pretzels, popcorn, or fruit snacks, or perhaps even a non-food treat. C. Candy bars covered with homemade “Happy Halloween!” wrappers.

4. Come October 31st, your house will be decked out with:

A. Cotton spider webs adorned with black plastic spiders. B. A giant inflatable Halloween decoration in the front yard. C. Fall art projects created by family members.

5. You love seeing trickor-treaters dressed like:

A. Witches, cats, pirates, and pumpkins. B. Doc McStuffins, Twilight Sparkle, and Daniel Tiger. C. Anything they want, as long as the costume is homemade!

6. Your family’s favorite thing to watch around Halloween is: A. It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown! B. Halloween specials that feature your kids’ current favorite characters. C. Home videos of Halloweens past.

7. After your kids come home with a bag full of trick-or-treat loot, you:

A. Tell them to go for it. It’s only once a year! B. Let them eat a few pieces each day for the next week or so. C. Use the leftovers to create exciting new cupcake and cookie recipes.

8. When the class Halloween party rolls around, you’re most likely to be seen: A. Watching the costume parade. B. Recording the costume parade to share with far away family members. C. Volunteering at the party.

Mostly A’s: Classic

When it comes to holidays, your slogan is, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” Halloween means costumes, candy, and jack-o’-lanterns, period. You love celebrating with your family using the same time-honored traditions you enjoyed as a child.

Mostly B’s: Modern

You love to incorporate the best of old and new traditions, and aren’t afraid to change up your family’s celebration from year to year. When you need new ideas for food or fun, you look to pop culture, Pinterest, or your Facebook friends.

Mostly C’s: Crafty

You’ve got this Halloween thing under control. You’re naturally organized and love to “do it yourself.” At this point, you’ve probably already got half a dozen adult and kid-friendly costume ideas pinned, and may have even started sewing! Michelle Shirk is an attorney and freelance writer. She writes about family, travel, and seasonal events for parenting publications throughout the United States.

October/November 2015

YOUR FAMILY z lifestyle

By Christa Melnyk Hines

hether you are a newly minted mom, new to your community, or feeling isolated for another reason, you may wonder how to connect with other moms. Parenting in isolation without moral support is lonely and emotionally debilitating. One of the most important ways to take care of yourself (and by extension, your family) is to maintain a thriving social network that provides a healthy dose of physical, mental, and emotional support.

Why support matters.

Isolation can contribute to feelings of depression. According to a Gallup poll, stay-at-home moms are at greater risk for depression than mothers who work. And, PostPartum Support International reports that one in eight women suffers from postpartum depression. Just a short burst of time spent with friends can boost a woman’s oxytocin levels, a natural hormone that decreases stress and anxiety.

October/November 2015

Join a mothers’ group.

In the “Better Mom, Better World” research study commissioned on behalf of MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) International by the Barna Group in 2010, researchers found that mothers believe they are more optimistic and resilient to life’s daily stresses and occasional crises when surrounded by a community of support. Moms’ groups come in a variety of sizes, philosophies, and commitment levels. From faith-based organizations and moms of multiples’ clubs to attachment parent and stay-at-home-only groups, options abound. Shop around to find a group that fits your personality and parenting style. Visit the group as a guest. Ask the membership director questions like: How often does the group meet? Does the group schedule moms-only events? If mom-only activities are scheduled during the day, is child care provided?

What types of play groups and activities does the group plan? How does the group support members? (For example, educational speakers? Meals for moms of new babies?) Billie Carlson, mother of five, is the MomTalk coordinator at First Lutheran Church in downtown Fargo. MomTalk is a non-denominational, Christian-based organization for moms to make connections with other moms. “Being a mom can feel kind of lonely sometimes,” says Carlson. “Our group is a great way for moms to meet and share experiences in raising kids.”

Schedule activities.

Losing yourself in the day-to-day rotation of feedings, naps, baths, and playtime may be fine for a while. However, injecting your calendar with a sprinkling of activities throughout the week—for both you and your child—will energize you, give you something to look forward to, and help you feel connected to the world outside your home. You’ll find one of the best resources for activities in Fargo-Moorhead in the events calendar of this magazine, starting on page 24. Early Childhood Family Education (ECFE) classes offered through Moorhead Community Education are another opportunity to get you and your little ones out of the house and having fun. Dani Wright, Moorhead mother of two, has attended ECFE classes for three years. “ECFE has been a network where I feel strengthened and supported in parenting,” says Wright. If you work full time, talk to other working moms about meeting up at the park or indoor play area for a short weekend playdate. ECFE holds Saturday classes, too.

Click into social media.

Still in your pj’s at 3:30 in the afternoon after being up all night with your colicky baby or a sick child? During the toughest times of parenthood, we can find comfort knowing others can relate and that we aren’t alone. Thanks to social media like Facebook, Pinterest, MeetUp.com, and mommy blogs, you can click into the land of the living without feeling the need to put clean clothes on or even brush your teeth! Two of Wright’s favorite blogs are Momastery and Mommy Shorts.

Get active.

Schedule time for an exercise class when your spouse is home or join a gym that offers quality child care. Not only are fitness classes a fun way to get in shape, you’ll feel mentally refreshed, more patient, and more positive in general. And the more you go, the more you’ll get to know the other participants, which will make you feel more accountable about showing up. Contact the YMCA of Cass and Clay counties, your local park district, or any number of fitness centers in Fargo-Moorhead. If a gym is out of the budget, find a friend or two to walk with a few times a week, either around a park, the neighborhood, or a mall on inclement-weather days. As your children grow older, schedule time during or at the end of the walk for them to play at a park or indoor play area.

continued on page 18

Today children are being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes at an increasing rate. Diabetes screening is recommended for all children and adolescents at a high risk, even if they have no signs or symptoms. You can help prevent or manage type 2 diabetes in your child by: • Encouraging healthy eating habits • Increasing physical activity • Limiting screen time

Help prevent type 2 diabetes

Talk to your child’s primary care provider to learn more or visit sanfordhealth.org, keyword: Kohl’s Cares Fargo.

032000-00077 7/15

October/November 2015

Share your talents.

You may feel tempted to push your personal interests aside due to overwhelming family demands. Negotiate time with your spouse to pursue your hobbies and other interests. Share your interests by inviting friends to join you for a gardening or cooking class, or to start a book club. Moorhead Community Education offers a variety of adult enrichment classes. Visit their website at: https://communityed.moorheadschools.org.

Create a calendar.

You write everyone else’s appointments on your calendar. Take yourself seriously, too. Honor your personal needs by making appointments with yourself, including fitness classes, walks with friends, moms’ meetings, dinner with a friend, classes you’ve signed up for, and so on. Sure, sometimes a sick child will throw a wrench into your plans, but isn’t flexibility one of the first lessons moms learn? When necessary, share your appointments with your spouse so he isn’t caught unaware. Christa Melnyk Hines is a freelance journalist, mom of two, and author of Confidently Connected: A Mom’s Guide to a Satisfying Social Life.

One Dozen Blogs Moms Recommend

My Life in Transition: www.julia-transition.blogspot.com

Navigating the Mothership: www.navigatingthemothershipblog.com Mommy’s Me Time: www.mommysmetime.com Little Baby Garvin: www.littlebabygarvin.blogspot.com The Messy Art of Parenting Autism: www.standardprocedures.wordpress.com The Wise Baby: www.thewisebaby.com Dooce: www.dooce.com Bursting the Bubble: www.burstingthebubble8.wordpress.com The Amazing Trips: www.theamazingtrips.blogspot.com Renegade Mothering: www.renegademothering.com Momastery: www.momastery.com Mommy Shorts: www.mommyshorts.com 18

October/November 2015

Honoring the Past

Shaping the Future

Early Childhood Family Education A Community Education Program of Moorhead Area Public Schools

Join us at our new location at 1587 30th Ave. S., Moorhead Call or go online for a list of our classes 218-284-3400

https://communityed.moorheadschools.org

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YOUR FAMILY z spiritual

By Amanda Peterson

We’ve all been there, right? Those moments of frustration and embarrassment when our seemingly ungrateful children frown at a birthday present or complain of boredom on an extravagant family vacation. You wonder if anyone is listening to all of the thank-you reminders and discussions of family blessings. Don’t fear. You’re not alone. Gratitude is a value learned over time— and it will take time. When we, as adults, struggle to ward off feelings of jealousy and ungratefulness, we can’t expect our children to master an immediate attitude of gratitude either. Don’t be discouraged. With patience and repetition, you can raise children who appreciate the blessings in their lives—for the rest of their lives. Here are some ideas to get you started.

Why Gratitude?

In addition to helping you focus on the positives in your life, maintaining a thankful attitude can have lifelong benefits. “Research has shown that people who have a greater sense of gratitude are happier and have less stress and depression,” says Susan Quamme, Cass County Extension parent educator at NDSU, Fargo. “Research has also shown that teens who have a grateful attitude have better social, emotional, and academic outcomes.” Choosing to be grateful also helps build empathy. “Empathy for others and their situations allows us to treat them with more kindness, since we can understand how they might feel,” adds Quamme, who is the mother of two 20

October/November 2015

teenage girls. “If children don’t have empathy, they can only see the world from their point of view and may not care if they hurt another person.” Gratitude and empathy foster a desire to be kind and help others, too. “Being grateful keeps us mindful and aware of the world around us, thinking outside of ourselves,” says mom Melissa Lynnes, who lives in Leonard, N.D., with her husband, Michael, and their four children ages 7 to 17. “Having an attitude of gratitude helps instill humility and promotes a desire to serve others.”

Show Thanks

Children can learn to express their gratitude at a very early age. Katherine and Joe Halvorson of Moorhead remember teaching their youngest daughter sign language for “thank you” before she could even speak. Little ones may need lots of prompts and reminders to learn to say thank you, but as they get older, they will respond on their own. Encourage eye contact and a smile. Reinforce their efforts by asking your children how they feel when someone kindly thanks them. Help them see how they can make others feel the same way. Halvorson encourages her daughters, ages 8 and 12, to express their appreciation with thank-you notes and small gifts, too. “It’s fun to surprise the swimming lesson teacher with a box of cookies and a card the girls have made,” she says. “We have tried to expand from simply saying thank you to helping them find meaningful ways to express gratitude through their words and actions.”

Model Gratitude

One of the best ways to introduce gratitude is by modeling it to your children. Halvorson participates with her daughters in the thank-you process. “I love helping collect $5 from families in my girls’ theatre productions so the cast can present the directors with flowers and a gift. It’s so life-giving to honor and recognize those people who make a positive impact in our lives.” Michele Gedgaud, a toddler teacher at Nokomis Child Care Center in Fargo, says kids can learn so much from watching their parents. “Be a role model,” she says. “If a child says he needs a better toy, you can role model that you would like a bigger house, but that you are thankful for this house. Show that you are happy with what you have.” Quamme agrees. “I believe that gratitude should be a daily, minute-byminute practice in everyone’s life,” she says. “When I show gratitude for all the things in my life—the trivial, the important, and even the struggles—I teach my children how to be grateful.”

Serve Others

Helping children serve others is a natural next step. Very small children can share a toy or hug a friend who is sad. Toddlers can help you fold laundry or pick out a few toys to donate. Elementary kids can help your family serve a meal at church or a shelter. They could hold a lemonade stand for a charity or help at a food bank. Teenagers can volunteer at an animal shelter, shovel the driveway for an elderly neighbor, or babysit for a family. “Serving one another in various ways is a great way to use our gifts from God,” says Matt Peterson, education pastor at Trinity Lutheran Church, Moorhead. “Children are exceptionally eager to do service to their neighbors. Allowing them to think outside of themselves is key in fostering gratitude.” Don’t get bogged down by the details. A plan to serve others may be a regularly scheduled event or a spontaneous gesture when the timing feels right. You can do things together as a family, but also seek ways for your children to serve others on their own. For Jana Solhjem and husband Troy of McLeod, N.D., service includes helping out at their church and other ministries. They search out ways for their seven children, ages 4 to 17, to help others. “It allows our kids to see the blessing of giving out of the abundance we have been given,” Solhjem says. “It gives them the reminder that the world is bigger than just them.”

Limiting Media

Understanding the difference between needs and wants is a valuable lesson when learning about gratitude. Limiting commercials and other me-focused media in your home can help. Lynnes noticed that too much media has a negative effect on her children and even herself. “It’s easy to think that the cool toy or gadget advertised will bring joy into our lives. I know because I can quickly fall into that trap myself,” Lynnes says. “Then it becomes a great opportunity to discuss the difference between wanting and needing something,” Halvorson agrees. “Honestly, a key element in our parenting is to limit television,” she says. “This minimizes the messages we all hear about the need for bigger and better.” Being grateful and never greedy isn’t always easy. “We all have times when we are self-centered and focused on our

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October/November 2015

own needs and wants,” Halvorson says. “By sharing my own weakness and how I’m trying to improve, I hope my daughters learn to recognize and reflect on their own challenges and opportunities for growth.”

Count Your Blessings

Finally, you can help children grow in gratitude by counting their blessings. Gedgaud suggests starting a gratitude jar in your home, a perfect project for kids of all ages. Ask your kids what they are thankful for and write their answers down on slips of paper. Fill your jar with all of your blessings. You could also write their answers on cutout shapes and tape them to a wall for a bigger visual. It’s all about surrounding your family with your blessings. “It’s not just something for Thanksgiving,” she says. “You can do this all year.” You can also write your blessings in a journal, known as a gratitude journal. Artist Nichole Rae of Moorhead writes daily in her own gratitude journal and teaches workshops for others interested in the process. Each evening, she reflects on the moments, happenings, people, and things she is grateful for. “At the end of the day, gratitude journaling allows me to truly see all of the things that I have accomplished, all the beautiful little happenings and how my life is filled with miracles,” she says. She suggests starting a family journal that both parents and children write in together—maybe just before or after dinner. Each child could also have their own journal, kept in their bedrooms. Take a few minutes before bed to help them record.

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October/November 2015

Young children can draw pictures or dictate their blessings to you. Lynnes started a similar process after reading One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp. The book encourages readers to find gratitude in everything around them, even during the hard times. “When I take a few minutes at the beginning of each day to write down five to 10 things I am grateful for, my entire mood and perspective facing that day often changes for the better,” Lynnes says.

Don’t Give up

As you work more gratitude into your family life, don’t try to take on everything at once. Start slowly with gentle reminders to say thank you. Pick a small service project, such as donating food to a food bank. As it becomes more natural, try adding a gratitude jar to your dinner table. Most of all, model gratitude yourself and be patient. “I would say, don’t get discouraged. Stay the course,” Solhjem says. “Know that the little ways you are teaching gratitude will pay off in the long run. Parenting is a journey. If you are modeling it, encouraging it, and teaching it, it will eventually sink in.” Amanda Peterson is an award-winning writer who loves to tell people’s stories. She lives in Moorhead with her husband, Jason, and two children.

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Calendar of Events

To include your event in our family-friendly calendar, email shendricksen@TheVillageFamily.org. Deadline for the December/January calendar is October 23, 2015. Although we strive to be as accurate as possible, please call ahead to verify information, registration requirements, or event fees. Due to limited space, we are unable to include all submissions.

OCTOBER 2015 EVENTS 10.1 Thursday • Farmers’ Market & Beyond. 3:30-6:30 p.m., South Elmwood Park parking lot, 500 13th Ave. W., West Fargo, 701-433-5360 or www.wfparks.org 10.2 Friday • Eco Chic Junk Market. RRV Fairgrounds, 1805 W. Main Ave., West Fargo, www.iloveecochic.com/ junkmarket • Fargo Fall RV Show. Noon-8 p.m., Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-241-9100 or www.fargodome.com • Buffalo River Pumpkin Patch. 3-6 p.m., 14447 Hwy. 10, Glyndon, Minn., 218-498-2684 or www.buffaloriverpumpkinpatch.com

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October/November 2015

•D akota Carriage Company Pumpkin Patch. 3-6 p.m., 7414 40th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-347-4069 or www.dakotacarriagecompany.com •S aturday Fun Night. Ages 5-12. 4:30-9:30 p.m., Schlossman YMCA, 4243 19th Ave. S., Fargo, 701-2810126 or www.ymcacassclay.org

• Dakota Carriage Company Pumpkin Patch. 11 a.m.-6 p.m., 7414 40th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-347-4069 or www.dakotacarriagecompany.com • Fall Harvest Festival. History tours, music, hay rides. 1-5 p.m., Probstfield Farm, 11th St. (Oakport Dr.) & 43rd Ave. N., Moorhead, 612-558-4216

10.3 Saturday •U p With Downs Buddy Walk. Scheels Arena, 5225 31st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-356-7656 •F irstChoice Clinic LifeWalk. Red River Zoo, 4255 23rd Ave. S., Fargo. Call Mona at 701-237-5902 for details. •E co Chic Junk Market. RRV Fairgrounds, 1805 W. Main Ave., West Fargo, www.iloveecochic.com/ junkmarket •F M Visual Artists Studio Crawl. www.fmva.org •U -Pick Heirloom Pumpkin & Squash Patch Sales. 9 a.m.-2 p.m., Probstfield Farm, 11th St. (Oakport Dr.) & 43rd Ave. N., Moorhead, 612-558-4216 •M oos, Ewes & More! Family event sponsored by NDSU Animal Science. 10 a.m.-2 p.m., NDSU Equine Center, 5140 19th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-2317641 or www.ag.ndsu.edu/ansc/newsevents/moos-ewes-and-more •P arty in the Pumpkin Patch. 10 a.m.-5 p.m., The Children’s Museum at Yunker Farm, 1201 28th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-232-6102 or www.childrensmuseum-yunker.org •B uffalo River Pumpkin Patch. 10 a.m.-6 p.m., 14447 Hwy. 10, Glyndon, Minn., 218-498-2684 or www.buffaloriverpumpkinpatch.com •F argo Fall RV Show. 10 a.m.-7 p.m., Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-241-9100 or www.fargodome.com •C hildren’s Storytime. 11 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com

10.4 Sunday • FM Visual Artists Studio Crawl. www.fmva.org • U-Pick Heirloom Pumpkin & Squash Patch Sales. 9 a.m.-2 p.m., Probstfield Farm, 11th St. (Oakport Dr.) & 43rd Ave. N., Moorhead, 612-558-4216 • Fargo Fall RV Show. 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-241-9100 or www.fargodome.com • Buffalo River Pumpkin Patch. 10 a.m.-6 p.m., 14447 Hwy. 10, Glyndon, Minn., 218-498-2684 or www.buffaloriverpumpkinpatch.com • Dakota Carriage Company Pumpkin Patch. 1-6 p.m., 7414 40th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-347-4069 or www.dakotacarriagecompany.com • Open Skate. 2:15-4:15 p.m., Moorhead Sports Center, 324 24th St. S., Moorhead, 218-299-5353 • Angel of Hope Candlelight Memorial. For all who have lost children. 7 p.m., Island Park Angel of Hope statue, North end of Island Park between 4th & 7th St., 1st Ave. S., Fargo, http:// angelofhopefargond.com/Ceremony. php 10.7 Wednesday • Children’s Storytime. 10 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com 10.8 Thursday • Fargo Force vs. Cedar Rapids. 7:05 p.m., Scheels Arena, 5225 31st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-356-7656 or www.fargoforce.com

10.9 Friday • Buffalo River Pumpkin Patch. 3-6 p.m., 14447 Hwy. 10, Glyndon, Minn., 218-498-2684 or www.buffaloriverpumpkinpatch.com • Dakota Carriage Company Pumpkin Patch. 3-6 p.m., 7414 40th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-347-4069 or www.dakotacarriagecompany.com • Fargo Force vs. Sioux Falls. 7:05 p.m., Scheels Arena, 5225 31st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-356-7656 or www.fargoforce.com

• Awesome Art Afternoon. 1-3 p.m., RDJ Rec Center, 1104 2nd Ave. S., Fargo, 701-499-7788 or www.fargoparks.com • 4 Luv of Dog Rescue Meet the Dogs. Visit dogs available for adoption. 1-3 p.m., PetSmart, 1630 13th Ave. E., West Fargo, www.4luvofdog.org • Kid Quest: Colorful Cupcake Creations. 1-4 p.m., Plains Art Museum, 704 1st Ave. N., Fargo, 701-551-6100 or www.plainsart.org (See ad pg. 31)

10.10 Saturday • U-Pick Heirloom Pumpkin & Squash Patch Sales. 9 a.m.-2 p.m., Probstfield Farm, 11th St. (Oakport Dr.) & 43rd Ave. N., Moorhead, 612-558-4216 • Buffalo River Pumpkin Patch. 10 a.m.-6 p.m., 14447 Hwy. 10, Glyndon, Minn., 218-498-2684 or www.buffaloriverpumpkinpatch.com • Children’s Storytime. 11 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com • Dakota Carriage Company Pumpkin Patch. 11 a.m.-6 p.m., 7414 40th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-347-4069 or www. dakotacarriagecompany.com

10.11 Sunday • U-Pick Heirloom Pumpkin & Squash Patch Sales. 9 a.m.-2 p.m., Probstfield Farm, 11th St. (Oakport Dr.) & 43rd Ave. N., Moorhead, 612-558-4216 • Buffalo River Pumpkin Patch. 10 a.m.-6 p.m., 14447 Hwy. 10, Glyndon, Minn., 218-498-2684 or www.buffaloriverpumpkinpatch.com • Autumn Pumpkin Party. Pumpkin painting, crafts, infatable games. 1-3 p.m., Veterans Memorial Arena, 1201 7th Ave. E., West Fargo, 701-433-5360 or www.wfparks.org

• Adopt-A-Pet Adoption Days. 1-3 p.m., Petco, 1126 43rd St. S., Fargo, www.adoptapetfm.org • Moorhead Fire Dept. Open House. 1-4 p.m., Station 1, 1120 1st Ave. N., Moorhead • Dakota Carriage Company Pumpkin Patch. 1-6 p.m., 7414 40th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-347-4069 or www.dakotacarriagecompany.com • Open House. Check out the new addition and enjoy games, pie, ice cream. 2-4 p.m., Ascension Evangelical Church, 2820 12th Ave. S., Moorhead, 218-233-5346 or www. ascensionmoorhead.com • Open Skate. 2:15-4:15 p.m., Moorhead Sports Center, 324 24th St. S., Moorhead, 218-299-5353 10.14 Wednesday • Children’s Storytime. 10 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com 10.15 Thursday • Buffalo River Pumpkin Patch. 10 a.m.-6 p.m., 14447 Hwy. 10, Glyndon, Minn., 218-498-2684 or www.buffaloriverpumpkinpatch.com

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October/November 2015

10.15 Thursday (cont.) • Dracula. 8 p.m., Frances Frazier Comstock Theatre, Concordia College, Moorhead, 218-299-3314 10.16 Friday • Buffalo River Pumpkin Patch. 10 a.m.-6 p.m., 14447 Hwy. 10, Glyndon, Minn., 218-498-2684 or www.buffaloriverpumpkinpatch.com • Dakota Carriage Company Pumpkin Patch. 3-6 p.m., 7414 40th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-347-4069 or www.dakotacarriagecompany.com • Peter Fletcher, Classical Guitarist. 7:30 p.m., Dawson Hall, Bonanzaville, 1351 W. Main Ave., West Fargo, 701433-5460 or www.westfargolibrary.org • Dracula. 8 p.m., Frances Frazier Comstock Theatre, Concordia College, Moorhead, 218-299-3314 10.17 Saturday • Copper Ridge Fall Craft Show. 9 a.m.-5 p.m., 21 18th St. S., Fargo. Contact Sherry at smnelson21@yahoo. com for more info

• Buffalo River Pumpkin Patch. 10 a.m.-6 p.m., 14447 Hwy. 10, Glyndon, Minn., 218-498-2684 or www.buffaloriverpumpkinpatch.com • Children’s Storytime. 11 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com • Dakota Carriage Company Pumpkin Patch. 11 a.m.-6 p.m., 7414 40th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-347-4069 or www.dakotacarriagecompany.com • Internet Cat Video Festival. 1 p.m. & 7:30 p.m., Fargo Theatre, 314 Broadway, Fargo, 701-551-6100 or www.plainsart.org • Dracula. 8 p.m., Frances Frazier Comstock Theatre, Concordia College, Moorhead, 218-299-3314 10.18 Sunday • Buffalo River Pumpkin Patch. 10 a.m.-6 p.m., 14447 Hwy. 10, Glyndon, Minn., 218-498-2684 or www.buffaloriverpumpkinpatch.com • Dakota Carriage Company Pumpkin Patch. 1-6 p.m., 7414 40th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-347-4069 or www.dakotacarriagecompany.com

• Dracula. 2 p.m., Frances Frazier Comstock Theatre, Concordia College, Moorhead, 218-299-3314 • Open Skate. 2:15-4:15 p.m., Moorhead Sports Center, 324 24th St. S., Moorhead, 218-299-5353 10.20 Tuesday • United Way Women’s Leadership Luncheon & Purses Plus Silent Auction. Features keynote speaker Kelly Corrigan. Call 701-237-5050 or visit www.unitedwaycassclay.org for info 10.21 Wednesday • Children’s Storytime. 10 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com • Theresa Caputo Live! The Experience. 7:30 p.m., Scheels Arena, 5225 31st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-3567656 or www.scheelsarena.com 10.22 Thursday • Dakota Carriage Company Pumpkin Patch. 1-6 p.m., 7414 40th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-347-4069 or www.dakotacarriagecompany.com

The Village Counselors are here to help. In many cases, The Village’s in-office counseling (for individuals, couples, parents, and children) is covered by your health insurance. Online counseling is also available.

1201 25th St. S., Fargo • 701-451-4900 1401 8th St. S., Moorhead • 701-451-4811 www.TheVillageFamily.org 26

October/November 2015

• 6th Annual Wags, Whiskers & Wine. Silent auction and winetasting event to raise money for Homeward Animal Shelter. Call 701-364-9013 to reserve tickets. 6-9 p.m., Alumni Center, NDSU, Fargo, www.homewardonline.org • New York Polyphony. 7:30 p.m., Gaede Stage, MSUM, Moorhead, 218-477-2271 or www.mnstate.edu/tickets 10.23 Friday • Spooky School Bus Ride. For children of all ages. Fercho YMCA, 400 1st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-293-9622 or www.ymcacassclay.org • Buffalo River Pumpkin Patch. 1-6 p.m., 14447 Hwy. 10, Glyndon, Minn., 218-498-2684 or www.buffaloriverpumpkinpatch.com • Dakota Carriage Company Pumpkin Patch. 3-6 p.m., 7414 40th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-347-4069 or www.dakotacarriagecompany.com • YWCA/Altrusa Baby Shower. Volunteers will be collecting baby supplies for the YWCA. 5-9 p.m., Kmart, 2301 S. University Dr., Fargo, www.altrusafargo.com • Fargo Force vs. Dubuque. 7:05 p.m., Scheels Arena, 5225 31st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-356-7656 or www.fargoforce.com 10.24 Saturday • Sandy’s Donut Run 5K & 10K. www.thedonutrun.com • The Power of a Woman Symposium. Presented by Vision to Reality Initiative, Inc. 8:30 a.m.-4 p.m., Avalon West Event Center, 2525 9th Ave. S., Fargo, www.vrii.net • YWCA/Altrusa Baby Shower. Volunteers will be collecting baby supplies for the YWCA. 9 a.m.-5 p.m., Kmart, 2301 S. University Dr., Fargo, www.altrusafargo.com • Boo at the Zoo! Trick-or-treating, fall activities, critter encounters. 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Red River Zoo, 4255 23rd Ave. S., Fargo, 701-277-9240 or www.redriverzoo.org • Buffalo River Pumpkin Patch. 10 a.m.-6 p.m., 14447 Hwy. 10, Glyndon, Minn., 218-498-2684 or www.buffaloriverpumpkinpatch.com • Children’s Storytime. 11 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com • Dakota Carriage Company Pumpkin Patch. 11 a.m.-6 p.m., 7414 40th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-347-4069 or www.dakotacarriagecompany.com • Adopt-A-Pet Adoption Days. 1-3 p.m., Petco, 1126 43rd St. S., Fargo, www.adoptapetfm.org •M oonlight Monster Mash. Dancing, haunted attic, trick-ortreating. 6:30-9 p.m., Fargo Youth Center, 2500 18th St. S., Fargo, 701-499-7788 or www.fargoparks.com • Fargo Force vs. Dubuque. 7:05 p.m., Scheels Arena, 5225 31st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-356-7656 or www.fargoforce.com

• Spooktacular Party. Haunted maze, mad scientist lab, cookie decorating. 2:30-4:30 p.m., Veterans Memorial Arena, 1201 7th Ave. E., West Fargo, 701-433-5360 or www.wfparks.org • Sounds of the Cosmos. Concert by FM Area Youth Symphonies. 4 p.m., Festival Concert Hall, NDSU, Fargo, 701-388-4536 or www.fmays.org • Nitro Circus. 6 p.m., Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-241-9100 or www.fargodome.com 10.28 Wednesday • Children’s Storytime. 10 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com • Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. 7:30 p.m., Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-241-9100 or www.fargodome.com 10.30 Friday • The Big One Art & Craft Fair. 10 a.m.-7 p.m., Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-837-6059 or www.thebigone.biz • Buffalo River Pumpkin Patch. 3-6 p.m., 14447 Hwy. 10, Glyndon, Minn., 218-498-2684 or www.buffaloriverpumpkinpatch.com • Dakota Carriage Company Pumpkin Patch. 3-6 p.m., 7414 40th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-347-4069 or www.dakotacarriagecompany.com • Holiday Parents Night Out. Ages 6 wks-11 yrs. 5:30-9 p.m., Fercho YMCA, 400 1st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-293-9622 or www.ymcacassclay.org

10.25 Sunday • Buffalo River Pumpkin Patch. 10 a.m.-6 p.m., 14447 Hwy. 10, Glyndon, Minn., 218-498-2684 or www.buffaloriverpumpkinpatch.com • Dakota Carriage Company Pumpkin Patch. 1-6 p.m., 7414 40th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-347-4069 or www.dakotacarriagecompany.com • Open Skate. 2:15-4:15 p.m., Moorhead Sports Center, 324 24th St. S., Moorhead, 218-299-5353

October/November 2015

10.30 Friday (cont.) • Fall Fun in the Xerzone. All ages welcome. 6-8 p.m., Fercho YMCA, 400 1st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-293-9622 or www.ymcacassclay.org • Harvest Moon Fling. Wine tasting, live and silent auctions, Dave Ferreira Trio. 7-11 p.m., Courtyard by Marriott, 1080 28th Ave. S., Moorhead, 701-293-7273 or www.raccfm.com • You Can’t Take it With You. Presented by West Fargo Sheyenne High School. 7:30 p.m., Sheyenne High School, 800

40th Ave. E., West Fargo, 701-499-3237 or www.westfargotheatre.com • Puccini: Madama Butterfly. Presented by FM Opera. 7:30 p.m., Reineke Festival Concert Hall, NDSU, Fargo, 701-239-4558 or www.fmopera.org (See ad below) 10.31 Saturday • The Big One Art & Craft Fair. 9 a.m.-4 p.m., Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-837-6059 or www.thebigone.biz

• Not Too Scary Haunted House. 10 a.m.-5 p.m., The Children’s Museum at Yunker Farm, 1201 28th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-232-6102 or www.childrensmuseum-yunker.org • Buffalo River Pumpkin Patch. 10 a.m.-6 p.m., 14447 Hwy. 10, Glyndon, Minn., 218-498-2684 or www.buffaloriverpumpkinpatch.com • Children’s Storytime. 11 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com • Dakota Carriage Company Pumpkin Patch. 11 a.m.-6 p.m., 7414 40th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-347-4069 or www.dakotacarriagecompany.com • 4 Luv of Dog Rescue Meet the Dogs. Visit dogs available for adoption. 1-3 p.m., PetSmart, 1630 13th Ave. E., West Fargo, www.4luvofdog.org • Haunted Mall. Haunted spaces, games, trick-or-treating. 3-7 p.m., Moorhead Center Mall, 510 Center Ave., Moorhead, 218-299-5340 or www.moorheadparks.com • Community Halloween Carnival. Inflatable games and carnival for children of all ages. 3:30-5:30 p.m., Courts Plus, 3491 University Dr., S., Fargo, 701-237-4805 • Fargo Force vs. Sioux City. 7:05 p.m., Scheels Arena, 5225 31st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-356-7656 or www.fargoforce.com • You Can’t Take it With You. Presented by West Fargo Sheyenne High School. 7:30 p.m., Sheyenne High School, 800 40th Ave. E., West Fargo, 701-499-3237 or www.westfargotheatre.com

NOVEMBER 2015 EVENTS

BOX-OFFICE 701-239-4558 WWW.FMOPERA.ORG 28

October/November 2015

11.1 Sunday • Puccini: Madama Butterfly. Presented by FM Opera. 2 p.m., Reineke Festival Concert Hall, NDSU, Fargo, 701-2394558 or www.fmopera.org (See ad at left) • Open Skate. 2:15-4:15 p.m., Moorhead Sports Center, 324 24th St. S., Moorhead, 218-299-5353 • You Can’t Take it With You. Presented by West Fargo Sheyenne High School. 2:30 p.m., Sheyenne High School, 800 40th Ave. E., West Fargo, 701-499-3237 or www.westfargotheatre.com

11.3 Tuesday • Cultural Event: Bill Bowers – Mime Artist. 7:30 p.m., Frances Frazier Comstock Theatre, Concordia College, Moorhead, 218-299-4366 11.4 Wednesday • Children’s Storytime. 10 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com 11.5 Thursday • American Heart Association’s National Eating Healthy Day. Register for a free toolkit at www.heart.org/ nationaleatinghealthyday • RDO Caters Taters for Charity. Potato luncheon to benefit Anne Carlsen Center. 11 a.m.-1 p.m., Baymont Inn & Suites, 3333 13th Ave. S., Fargo, 701-526-1240 or www.rdocaterstaters.com • Los Angeles Guitar Quartet. 7:30 p.m., Gaede Stage, MSUM, Moorhead, 218-477-2271 or www.mnstate.edu/tickets 11.7 Saturday • Step Out: Walk to Stop Diabetes. Registration/check-in begins at 7:30 a.m., walk at 9:30 a.m., Scheels Arena, 5225 31st Ave. S., Fargo, 763-5935333 ext. 6602 or www.diabetes.org/ fargostepout • Hooray for Veterans and Their Families! Free admission for veterans and their dependents. 10 a.m.-5 p.m., The Children’s Museum at Yunker Farm, 1201 28th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-232-6102 or www.childrensmuseum-yunker.org • Children’s Storytime. Costume character Cat in the Hat. 11 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com • Adopt-A-Pet Adoption Days. 1-3 p.m., Petco, 1126 43rd St. S., Fargo, www.adoptapetfm.org • Kid Quest: Fabulous Faces. 1-4 p.m., Plains Art Museum, 704 1st Ave. N., Fargo, 701-551-6100 or www.plainsart. org (See ad pg. 31) • Saturday Fun Night. Ages 5-12. 4:309:30 p.m., Schlossman YMCA, 4243 19th Ave. S., Fargo, 701-281-0126 or www.ymcacassclay.org • Legacy: Eddie Gasper Dance Tribute. 7 p.m., Reineke Festival Hall, NDSU, Fargo, 701-234-9440 or www.gaspersschoolofdance.com

Red River Zoo 11.8 Sunday • Zoolute to Soldiers. Free admission for active duty military members and their families. 10 a.m.-5 p.m., Red River Zoo, 4255 23rd Ave. S., Fargo, 701-277-9240 or www.redriverzoo.org • Hooray for Veterans and Their Families! Free admission for veterans and their dependents. 1-5 p.m., The Children’s Museum at Yunker Farm, 1201 28th Ave. N., Fargo, 701232-6102 or www.childrensmuseumyunker.org • Open Skate. 2:15-4:15 p.m., Moorhead Sports Center, 324 24th St. S., Moorhead, 218-299-5353 11.9 Monday • Hooray for Veterans and Their Families! Free admission for veterans and their dependents. 10 a.m.-5 p.m., The Children’s Museum at Yunker Farm, 1201 28th Ave. N., Fargo, 701232-6102 or www.childrensmuseumyunker.org • MSUM Jazz Ensemble. 7:30 p.m., Glasrud Auditorium, MSUM, Moorhead, 218-477-2271 or www.mnstate.edu/ tickets 11.10 Tuesday • Hooray for Veterans and Their Families! Free admission for veterans and their dependents. 10 a.m.-5 p.m., The Children’s Museum at Yunker Farm, 1201 28th Ave. N., Fargo, 701232-6102 or www.childrensmuseumyunker.org 11.11 Wednesday • Children’s Storytime. 10 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S., Fargo, 701281-1002 or www.bn.com • Hooray for Veterans and Their Families! Free admission for veterans and their dependents. 10 a.m.-5 p.m.,

The Children’s Museum at Yunker Farm, 1201 28th Ave. N., Fargo, 701232-6102 or www.childrensmuseumyunker.org 11.12 Thursday • Hooray for Veterans and Their Families! Free admission for veterans and their dependents. 10 a.m.-5 p.m., The Children’s Museum at Yunker Farm, 1201 28th Ave. N., Fargo, 701232-6102 or www.childrensmuseumyunker.org • iBrain: Guiding Children & Teens to Success in the Digital Age. Dr. David Walsh will explain how technology is changing the ways young people live, learn, and socialize. 6:30-8:30 p.m., Hilton Garden Inn, 4351 17th Ave. S., Fargo, 701-241-5700 • Company. 8 p.m., Frances Frazier Comstock Theatre, Concordia College, Moorhead, 218-299-3314 11.13 Friday • Fraser, Ltd. Festival of Trees. Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-232-3301 or www.fraserltd.org • Hooray for Veterans and Their Families! Free admission for veterans and their dependents. 10 a.m.-5 p.m., The Children’s Museum at Yunker Farm, 1201 28th Ave. N., Fargo, 701232-6102 or www.childrensmuseumyunker.org • Parents Night Out. Ages 3-12. Preregistration required. 6-9:30 p.m., Red River Zoo, 4255 23rd Ave. S., Fargo, 701-277-9240 or www.redriverzoo.org • TARZAN the Musical. Presented by Moorhead High School Theatre. 7 p.m., Moorhead High School Auditorium, 2300 4th Ave. S., Moorhead, 218-2842255 or www.moorheadschools.org/tix

October/November 2015

11.13 Friday (cont.) • Fargo Force vs. Muskegon. 7:05 p.m., Scheels Arena, 5225 31st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-356-7656 or www.fargoforce.com • Company. 8 p.m., Frances Frazier Comstock Theatre, Concordia College, Moorhead, 218-299-3314 11.14 Saturday • Fraser, Ltd. Festival of Trees. Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-232-3301 or www.fraserltd.org • Pangea – Cultivate our Cultures. Multi-ethnic showcase of music, dance, culinary arts, children’s activities. 10 a.m.-4 p.m., Hjemkomst Center, 202 1st Ave. N., Moorhead, 218-299-5511 or www.hcscconline.org (See ad pg. 27) • Hooray for Veterans and Their Families! Free admission for veterans and their dependents. 10 a.m.-5 p.m., The Children’s Museum at Yunker Farm, 1201 28th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-232-6102 or www.childrensmuseum-yunker.org • Children’s Storytime. 11 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com • Awesome Art Afternoon. 1-3 p.m., RDJ Rec Center, 1104 2nd Ave. S., Fargo, 701-499-7788 or www.fargoparks.com •4 Luv of Dog Rescue Meet the Dogs. Visit dogs available for adoption. 1-3 p.m., PetSmart, 1630 13th Ave. E., West Fargo, www.4luvofdog.org • TARZAN the Musical. Presented by Moorhead High School Theatre. 7 p.m., Moorhead High School Auditorium, 2300 4th Ave. S., Moorhead, 218-284-2255 or www.moorheadschools.org/tix

• Fargo Force vs. Muskegon. 7:05 p.m., Scheels Arena, 5225 31st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-356-7656 or www.fargoforce.com • Masterworks II: From the New World. 7:30 p.m., Festival Concert Hall, NDSU, Fargo, 701-478-3676 or www.fmsymphony.org • Company. 8 p.m., Frances Frazier Comstock Theatre, Concordia College, Moorhead, 218-299-3314 11.15 Sunday • Fraser, Ltd. Festival of Trees. Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-232-3301 or www.fraserltd.org • TARZAN the Musical. Presented by Moorhead High School Theatre. Children’s enrichment at noon, performance at 2 p.m., Moorhead High School Auditorium, 2300 4th Ave. S., Moorhead, 218-284-2255 or www.moorheadschools.org/tix • Fall Art-Mania. Ages 6-12. Experiment with watercolors, chalks, pastels. 1-3 p.m., Veterans Memorial Arena, 1201 7th Ave. E., West Fargo, 701-433-5360 or www.wfparks.org • 4 Luv of Dog Rescue Meet the Dogs. Visit dogs available for adoption. 1-3 p.m., PetSmart, 1630 13th Ave. E., West Fargo, www.4luvofdog.org • Company. 2 p.m., Frances Frazier Comstock Theatre, Concordia College, Moorhead, 218-299-3314 • Masterworks II: From the New World. 2 p.m., Festival Concert Hall, NDSU, Fargo, 701-478-3676 or www.fmsymphony.org • Open Skate. 2:15-4:15 p.m., Moorhead Sports Center, 324 24th St. S., Moorhead, 218-299-5353 11.16 Monday • Fraser, Ltd. Festival of Trees. Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-232-3301 or www.fraserltd.org 11.17 Tuesday • Fraser, Ltd. Festival of Trees. Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-232-3301 or www.fraserltd.org 11.18 Wednesday • Fraser, Ltd. Festival of Trees. Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-232-3301 or www.fraserltd.org • Children’s Storytime. 10 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com 11.19 Thursday • Fraser, Ltd. Festival of Trees. Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-232-3301 or www.fraserltd.org • Company. 8 p.m., Frances Frazier Comstock Theatre, Concordia College, Moorhead, 218-299-3314 11.20 Friday • Fraser, Ltd. Festival of Trees. Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-232-3301 or www.fraserltd.org • Pride of Dakota Holiday Showcase. Bring a reusable cloth bag and save $1 on admission. 4-9 p.m., Scheels Arena, 5225 31st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-356-7656 or www.prideofdakota.nd.gov • Wine & Dine. Benefiting Big Brothers Big Sisters and Nokomis Child Care Centers of The Village Family Service Center. 4:45 p.m., Holiday Inn, 3903 13th Ave. S., Fargo, 701-451-4957 or www.fmwineanddine.com (See ad pg. 8) • Holiday Parents Night Out. Ages 6 wks-11 yrs. 5:30-9 p.m., Fercho YMCA, 400 1st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-293-9622 or www.ymcacassclay.org

October/November 2015

• TARZAN the Musical. Presented by Moorhead High School Theatre. 7 p.m., Moorhead High School Auditorium, 2300 4th Ave. S., Moorhead, 218-284-2255 or www.moorheadschools.org/tix • Company. 8 p.m., Frances Frazier Comstock Theatre, Concordia College, Moorhead, 218-299-3314 11.21 Saturday • Fraser, Ltd. Festival of Trees. Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-232-3301 or www.fraserltd.org • Pride of Dakota Holiday Showcase. Bring a reusable cloth bag and save $1 on admission. 9 a.m.-5 p.m., Scheels Arena, 5225 31st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-356-7656 or www.prideofdakota.nd.gov • Children’s Storytime. 11 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S., Fargo, 701281-1002 or www.bn.com • International Survivors of Suicide Loss Day. 11:30 a.m.-2 p.m., ecce Gallery, 216 Broadway, Fargo, 701-219-4110 (See ad pg. 38)

• Anansi! 1 p.m. & 4 p.m., Hansen Theatre, MSUM, Moorhead, 218-4772271 or www.mnstate.edu/tickets • Adopt-A-Pet Adoption Days. 1-3 p.m., Petco, 1126 43rd St. S., Fargo, www.adoptapetfm.org • Handi-Wheels Transportation Spaghetti Supper. 4-8 p.m., Hope Lutheran Church North Campus, 2900 Broadway N., Fargo, 701-232-3231 or www.handi-wheels.org • Turkey Day in the Xerzone. All ages welcome. 6-8 p.m., Fercho YMCA, 400 1st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-293-9622 or www.ymcacassclay.org • 4 Luv of Dog Rescue Silent Auction & Social. 6-10 p.m., Holiday Inn, 3803 13th Ave. S., Fargo, www.4luvofdog.org • TARZAN the Musical. Presented by Moorhead High School Theatre. 7 p.m., Moorhead High School Auditorium, 2300 4th Ave. S., Moorhead, 218-284-2255 or www.moorheadschools.org/tix • Company. 8 p.m., Frances Frazier Comstock Theatre, Concordia College, Moorhead, 218-299-3314

11.22 Sunday • Fraser, Ltd. Festival of Trees. Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-232-3301 or www.fraserltd.org • Pride of Dakota Holiday Showcase. Bring a reusable cloth bag and save $1 on admission. 11 a.m.-4 p.m., Scheels Arena, 5225 31st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-356-7656 or www.prideofdakota.nd.gov • TARZAN the Musical. Presented by Moorhead High School Theatre. Children’s enrichment at noon, performance at 2 p.m., Moorhead High School Auditorium, 2300 4th Ave. S., Moorhead, 218-284-2255 or www.moorheadschools.org/tix • Open Skate. 2:15-4:15 p.m., Moorhead Sports Center, 324 24th St. S., Moorhead, 218-299-5353 11.23 Monday • Fraser, Ltd. Festival of Trees. Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-232-3301 or www.fraserltd.org

October/November 2015

Ever wonder how kids learn their first language?

11.24 Tuesday •F raser, Ltd. Festival of Trees. Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-232-3301 or www.fraserltd.org •M oorhead Parks & Recreation Tree Lighting. Music from the Moorhead High School Carolers. 5 p.m., Memorial Park, 210 8th St. N., Moorhead, 218299-5340 or www.moorheadparks.com •X cel Energy Holiday Lights Parade. Following the tree lighting, downtown Fargo-Moorhead 11.25 Wednesday •F raser, Ltd. Festival of Trees. Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-232-3301 or www.fraserltd.org •C hildren’s Storytime. 10 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com

Come help us find out! The Language Lab at NDSU is looking for study participants who are 3-6 years old. Each study involves one visit to our lab, scheduled at your convenience. All participants will receive a small gift to thank them for their help. For more information on how to be involved, contact us at the following:

701-231-5986 ndsu.languagelab@ndsu.edu http://www.ndsu.edu/centers/ cvcn/labs/conwell

October/November 2015

11.26 Thursday •T hanksgiving Day. For information on food assistance and meals over the holidays, contact FirstLink by dialing 2-1-1 or 701-235-7335 or visit www.myfirstlink.org (See ad pg. 39) •B urn the Bird 5K & 10K. All ages welcome. Fercho YMCA, 400 1st Ave. S., Fargo, 701-293-9622 or www.ymcacassclay.org 11.27 Friday •F raser, Ltd. Festival of Trees. Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-232-3301 or www.fraserltd.org •C ookies with the Claus Family. Sleigh rides, Games Galore, entertainment. 1-4 p.m., Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-232-3301 or www.fraserltd.org •T ARZAN the Musical. Presented by Moorhead High School Theatre. 7 p.m., Moorhead High School Auditorium, 2300 4th Ave. S., Moorhead, 218-284-2255 or www.moorheadschools.org/tix 11.28 Saturday •F raser, Ltd. Festival of Trees. Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-232-3301 or www.fraserltd.org •C hildren’s Storytime. 11 a.m., Barnes & Noble, 1201 42nd St. S., Fargo, 701-281-1002 or www.bn.com

•S anta Village. Free admission with donations of canned goods, new toys, or cash. 1-7 p.m., Rheault Farm, 2902 25th St. S., Fargo, 701-499-7788 or www.fargoparks.com •T ARZAN the Musical. Presented by Moorhead High School Theatre. 7 p.m., Moorhead High School Auditorium, 2300 4th Ave. S., Moorhead, 218-284-2255 or www.moorheadschools.org/tix 11.29 Sunday •F raser, Ltd. Festival of Trees. Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-232-3301 or www.fraserltd.org • Santa Village. Free admission with donations of canned goods, new toys, or cash. 1-7 p.m., Rheault Farm, 2902 25th St. S., Fargo, 701-499-7788 or www.fargoparks.com • Open Skate. 2:15-4:15 p.m., Moorhead Sports Center, 324 24th St. S., Moorhead, 218-299-5353 11.30 Monday • Fraser, Ltd. Festival of Trees. Fargodome, 1800 N. University Dr., Fargo, 701-232-3301 or www.fraserltd.org

PUBLIC LIBRARIES

Call or visit the library for details. Preregistration may be required. Fargo Public Main Library 102 3rd St. N., Fargo, 701-241-1472 or www.fargolibrary.org • Weekly Storytime for Toddlers, Preschoolers & Families. Registration required. • Chess Club. Open to players of all ages and abilities. Thursdays, 5:30-8:30 p.m. • Baby Rhyme Time. Lapsit storytime for babies (birth-18 mos). Oct. 1 & 15, Nov. 5, 6:30 p.m. • Reading the World Book Club. Oct. 1 & Nov. 5, 7 p.m. • Jazz Into Fall Concerts. Oct. 4, 11, 18, & 25, 2 p.m. • Little Squirt Science. For preschoolers. Registration required. Oct. 8 & Nov. 12, 6:30 p.m.; Oct. 9 & Nov. 13, 11 a.m. • PAWS for Reading. Kids in grades K-6 can sign up to read to a therapy pet. Registration required. Oct. 10 & Nov. 14, 1 p.m. • Stompers, Scratchers & Diggers: How Animals Leave Their Mark on the World. For kids of all ages. Oct. 14, 6:30 p.m.

• Pokémon Day. Registration required. Oct. 23, ages 4-8 at 11 a.m., ages 9 and up at 2 p.m. • Ghost Stories for Grown-ups. Oct. 29, 7 p.m. • Model Railroading. Nov. 21, 10 a.m.-5 p.m.; Nov. 22, 1-4 p.m. • Email Basics Class. Registration required. Dr. James Carlson Library 2801 32nd Ave. S., Fargo, 701-476-4040 or www.fargolibrary.org • Weekly Storytime for Toddlers, Preschoolers & Families. Registration required. • Baby Rhyme Time. Lapsit storytime for babies (birth-18 mos). Oct. 1 & 15, Nov. 5, 10 a.m. • Tea Time Book Club. Oct. 4 & Nov. 1, 2 p.m. • Little Squirt Science. For preschoolers. Registration required. Oct. 8 & Nov. 12, 11 a.m. • Free Friday Movie. Oct. 9 & Nov. 13, 1 p.m. • Unraveled Crafters Club. Oct. 11 & 25, Nov. 8 & 22, 1 p.m. • Teen Crafts. Registration required. Oct. 22, 6:30 p.m. • Pumpkin Decorating & Caramel Apples. Please bring one pumpkin per child. Oct. 24, 10 a.m. • Crafty Teens. Registration required. Nov. 12, 6:30 p.m. • Email Basics Class. Registration required. Northport Branch 2714 N. Broadway, Fargo, 701-476-4026 or www.fargolibrary.org • Weekly Storytime for Toddlers, Preschoolers & Families. Registration required. • Northport Classic Book Club. Oct. 21 & Nov. 18, 6:30 p.m. • Pumpkin Decorating & Caramel Apples. Please bring one pumpkin per child. Oct. 22, 11 a.m. • Teen Crafts. Registration required. Oct. 24, 10 a.m. • Crafty Teens. Registration required. Nov. 17, 6:30 p.m.

•C hildren’s Storytime & Craft. For preschoolers and their caretakers. Tuesdays, 1:30 p.m. •F riday Morning Movies. Fridays, 10:30 a.m. •R ead to a Therapy Dog. Call to sign up. •D VD Showing: When the Landscape is Quiet Again: The Legacy of Art Link. Oct. 1, 1 p.m. •F riends of the Library Book Sale. Oct. 3, 10 a.m.-4 p.m.; Oct. 4, 1-4 p.m. •N ew Release Movies. Oct. 3 & 17, Nov. 14, 2 p.m. •C raft Night. Crafts for all ages. Oct. 5, 6:30-7:30 p.m. •B ook Club Discussion. Oct. 12 & Nov. 9, 7 p.m. •L ego Mania. Open to all ages. Oct. 22, 2-4 p.m. •H alloween Party. Wear your costume for treats and a showing of Hocus Pocus. Oct. 31, 1 p.m. •C aramel Apple Day. Nov. 6, 2-4 p.m. •M ake Cards for Veterans. Open to all ages. Nov. 10, 1:30 p.m. & 6:30 p.m. •G ame Day. Board games, Wii games, and more. Nov. 21, 2-4 p.m. •T hanksgiving Craft. Nov. 25, 1-2 p.m. •W atercolor Class Series. Registration required. •P ine Needle Basketry Class. Registration required. Moorhead Public Library 118 5th St. S., Moorhead, 218-233-7594 or www.larl.org •O pen Computer Practice. Mondays, 2 p.m. & Wednesdays, 7 p.m. •O rigami Club. All ages and abilities welcome. Mondays, 6:30 p.m. •S torytime & Craft. Tuesdays, 6:30 p.m. •C hess Club. Tuesdays, 6:30 p.m. •S torytime. Wednesdays, 10:30 a.m.

• Baby Bounce. For infants-preschoolers and their caregivers. Thursdays, 10:15 a.m. • Henry IV Part 1. Presented by Ten Thousand Things Theatre. Oct. 1, 1 p.m. • Lego Club. All ages and abilities welcome. Oct. 8 & Nov. 12, 6-8 p.m.; Oct. 24 & Nov. 28, 2-4 p.m. • Outlander Book Club. Oct. 14, 7 p.m. • Adult Book Club. Oct. 15 & Nov. 19, 7 p.m. • Movie Matinee. Oct. 17 & Nov. 21, 2 p.m. • American Girl Book Club. Oct. 19, 6 p.m. • Chad Lewis: Minnesota’s Most Haunted Locations. Oct. 19, 6:30 p.m. • Classics Book Club. Oct. 20 & Nov. 17, 7 p.m. • Yarn Circle. Bring your knitting, crocheting, or needlework projects. Open to all ages and experience levels. Oct. 22 & Nov. 26, 6:30 p.m. • Jack El-Hai Author Visit. Nov. 2, 6:30 p.m. • Model Railroad Day. Nov. 21, 1-5 p.m.

CLASSES

Call for information. Pre-registration may be required. The Children’s Museum at Yunker Farm 1201 28th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-232-6102 or www.childrensmuseum-yunker.org • Super Science Saturdays Doulas of the Red River Valley www.doulasrrv.org • The Birth Circle Essentia Health OB Education 3000 32nd Ave. S., Fargo, 701-364-8100 or www.essentiahealth.org • Basic Training for New Dads

West Fargo Public Library 109 3rd St. E., West Fargo, 701-4335460 or www.westfargolibrary.org • Homework Center. Open Monday thru Thursday when school is in session. • Children’s Simply Stories. Tuesdays, 10:15 a.m.

October/November 2015

Essentia Health OB Education (cont.) • Breastfeeding Class • Car Seat Safety • Lamaze • Mom’s Helpers • Tender Transitions • Weekend Childbirth Education Fargo Park District 701-499-7788 or www.fargoparks.com • Create & Explore FM Ambulance 701-364-1750 or www.fmambulance. com/education • BLAST Babysitting Course • CPR/AED • First Aid Fraser, Ltd. 2902 S. University Dr., Fargo, 701-2323301 or www.fraserltd.org • CPR/First Aid Hospice of the Red River Valley 800-237-4629 or www.hrrv.org • Grief During the Holidays • Journeying Through Grief • Youth Journeys

Moorhead Parks & Recreation 218-299-5340 or www.cityofmoorhead. com/registerparks • Art Programs Parenting Resource Center 701-241-5700 or www.ag.ndsu.edu/ casscountyextension/home-and-family Plains Art Museum 704 1st Ave. N., Fargo, 701-551-6100 or www.plainsart.org •K id Quest (See ad pg. 31) Red River Zoo 4255 23rd Ave. S., Fargo, 701-277-9240 or www.redriverzoo.org •P int-Sized Explorers Sanford Health Community Ed. 701-234-5570, 877-234-4240 or www. sanfordhealth.org •B aby Signs •B aby’s First Ride •B etter Choices, Better Health •B irth Basics •B irthing with Confidence •B reastfeeding Beginnings •C aring for Your Newborn •C .A.R.S. (Children & Restraint Systems)

• Family & Friends CPR • Infant Massage • Labor Skills • Our Family is Having a Baby • Safe & Sound – Preparing Your Home for Baby The Village Family Service Center 701-451-4900 or www.TheVillageFamily.org • Happiness is a Verb • Nurtured Heart Parenting The Village Financial Resource Center 701-235-3328 or www.HelpWithMoney.org • Bankruptcy Education • Homebuyer Education • Tenant Education YMCA 701-293-9622, 701-281-0126 or www. ymcacassclay.org • Boot Camp • Candle Light Yoga; Intro to Yoga • Healthy Family Home • Thanksgiving Turkey Burn

MUSEUMS & EXHIBITS Call for additional information.

The Children’s Museum at Yunker Farm 1201 28th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-232-6102 or www.childrensmuseum-yunker.org Concordia College Cyrus M. Running Gallery 901 8th St. S., Moorhead, 218-299-4623 Fargo Air Museum 1609 19th Ave. N., Fargo, 701-293-8043 or www.fargoairmuseum.org Historical & Cultural Society of Clay County Hjemkomst Center, 202 1st Ave. N., Moorhead, 218-299-5511 or www. hcscconline.org MSUM Art Gallery Roland Dille Center for the Arts, MSUM, Moorhead, 218-477-2930 MSUM Planetarium Bridges Hall, MSUM, Moorhead, 218-477-2920 or www.mnstate.edu/ planetarium Plains Art Museum 704 1st Ave. N., Fargo, 701-551-6100 or www.plainsart.org The Rourke Art Museum 521 Main Ave., Moorhead, 218-236-8861 or www.therourke.org

October/November 2015

A Team Effort

Ethan is 5 years old. And like many 5-year-olds, in the fall he’ll fill his backpack and set off for Kindergarten. But Ethan will have experienced far more than most of his classmates. In his short, little life, Ethan has already had 30 surgeries. He requires a feeding tube and frequent trips to the doctor’s office. Ethan has DiGeorge syndrome. He was born with a defect in chromosome 22 resulting in multiple issues in many of his major organs. His heart, bowels and lungs were all affected causing him to have multiple surgeries and procedures to try and repair issues. But this was never something his parents expected. “My pregnancy was very normal,” says Karissa Renfro, Ethan’s mom. “It wasn’t until after he was born that I started to notice something wasn’t right. We were still in the hospital and he just started to vomit. His heart was racing and his breathing was labored. They took him to a cardiologist and it was decided that he needed to be immediately flown to Minneapolis. I couldn’t go with him and it wasn’t until later I learned they had to manually breath for him the entire way. He could have been so close to passing away.” Due to his condition, Ethan sees multiple doctors, specialists and seeks care from three different health care facilities in two states. This type of care requires lots of coordination. That is why Karissa and Ethan rely on the pediatric medical home team. “This can really be an impossible situation for families,” says Patrick Welle, MD, Ethan’s pediatrician and one of the primary members of his medical home team. “There is so much stress in trying to manage all of these appointments and treatments that it can be a real strain on the family. But through pediatric medical home, we give the child a real chance to stay at home and live a healthy life.” This program focuses on the whole child and not just one part of their health care needs. For children like Ethan who have multiple health problems, this is an amazing resource to help

manage their care. The team can consist of pediatricians, clinic leaders, nurses, registered nurse health coach, care coordinator, behavioral health providers and parent volunteers. This group works together to make sure there is development and continuous improvement for best outcomes for the child and his or her family. “We sit down frequently to discuss Ethan’s care plan,” says Karissa. “His plan is 16 to 18 pages long and contains all of his medical history, current medications, what surgeries he’s had. That way, no matter what provider we are seeing, we can look in here and see exactly where they fit in the complete picture of his health plan.” “Let’s say one of Ethan’s doctors in another hospital wants to see him for a check-up or procedure,” says Dr. Welle. “So they go up and do that. Then two days later they get a call from a different doctor asking to see him. Since Ethan has a pediatric medical home team, we coordinate with those doctors to make sure his family isn’t making two separate long trips when those appointments could be made for consecutive days.”

And while Karissa uses pediatric medical home to help her coordinate Ethan’s care, she is also a parent volunteer helping to develop and improve coordination of medical home services and is a resource for other families experiencing similar circumstances. “I really enjoy doing this,” says Karissa. “I’m glad I can help other children who have a lot of health problems. This is really one of the best things a family can have.” Talk to your child’s pediatrician today to see if your child would benefit from pediatric medical home services or call (701) 234-3557 or (701) 234-3559.

Brought to you by Sanford Children’s. Learn more at Childrens.Sanfordhealth.org.

YOUR FAMILY z feature

By Patricia Carlson

October/November 2015

magine your kids are grown and living elsewhere. You recently had surgery to repair a heart valve and you fear you may end up in a wheelchair. You’ve developed cataracts and had to give up driving. Your lack of mobility makes you feel angry, isolated, and frustrated. You used to love going to church, playing cards with your friends, and taking in a new movie. But lately, you don’t care to spend time with anyone. You’ve even thought about killing yourself. This isn’t as far-fetched as you might think. Although life is supposed to get better as we age, later-life suicide is a major public health priority. The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) reports that older adults make up 12.9 percent of the U.S. population, but account for 18 percent of all suicide deaths. And 2013 data from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP) shows the highest suicide rate was among people 45 to 64 years old and the second highest rate occurred in those 85 years and older. White men over the age of 85 were at the greatest risk of all age, gender, and race groups, reports the Center For Elderly Suicide Prevention. North Dakota is on target with those national averages. In 2014, the North Dakota Department of Health reports 27 people aged 45 to 54 and an additional 27 people aged 55 to 64 died by suicide. Eleven people aged 65 and over killed themselves. That’s an increase in every age group over the previous year. “Suicide with adults ages 65 and older is not talked about as much as compared to younger people, but it’s significantly more than people realize,” says Alison Traynor, Suicide Prevention Program Director with the North Dakota Department of Health. Those are just the reported suicides. The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy states that “elder suicide may be under-reported by 40 percent or more. Not counted are silent suicides, like deaths from overdoses, self-starvation or dehydration, and [socalled] accidents.” Part of the reason these rates are so high is because the aging population has a high rate of completing suicide. For young people, one in 25 suicide attempts results in death. But, according to the AFSP, roughly

one in four suicide attempts in the elderly ends in death. Older people don’t merely attempt to kill themselves, they execute it—often by the grimmest means necessary. Firearms, hanging, and drowning are the most used methods; double-suicide (or murder-suicide) happens most frequently among the aged. “Suicide is not a spontaneous decision for aging people; they’ve been thinking about it,” explains Mandy Bernardy, Outpatient Therapist and Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker at The Village Family Service Center in Moorhead, Minn.

Combination of Things

Bernardy has been counseling families for the past eight years and says about 25 percent of her practice is the aging population. She says suicide rates among the elderly in North Dakota and Minnesota are comparable to national statistics. The reasons why the aging population is at risk for suicide is complex and subject to ongoing research, but there is a cluster of several key risk factors, including depression, physical health or pain, chronic diseases, loss of independence, fear of becoming a burden, financial pressure or concerns, loneliness from having loved ones pass away, and dependence on alcohol or prescription medications. “There is not just one thing that makes a person contemplate suicide,” says Bernardy. “It’s usually a combination of things.” Depression is often misunderstood, and if left untreated, can turn into a major risk factor for suicide attempts and completions in older adults. “Depression is more than just sadness,” says Traynor. “Depression and suicidal ideation are not a normal part of aging.” One of the factors that contributes to depression later in life is the lack of fulfillment people may feel as they age. Physical ailments, chronic pain, financial stresses, and the inability to work can all lead to low self-esteem and low self-worth. Many of these folks have spent a good part of their lives providing for themselves and others. Then, as they start to age, they become increasingly dependent on others and frustrations begin to mount. Maybe they can’t exercise or do their favorite activity—even something as simple as

holding cards—anymore. Maybe they’ve lost the ability to concentrate during social gatherings or their eyesight has degenerated to the point where they can no longer drive or read the newspaper. Maybe they’re on a fixed income and worry about how their family will support them as the aging process deepens. “Feelings of physical and vocational uselessness and financial difficulty can contribute to low self-esteem, hopelessness, and depression,” warns Traynor.

Suck It Up Mentality

North Dakota and western Minnesota have other risk factors unique to their location and culture that contribute to later-life suicide. They are rural and conservative in their approach to mental health issues. Traynor says studies prove rural communities have more suicides per 100,000 people than larger metropolises. “Some studies have suggested this is linked to rural individuals’ access to firearms, but I’d say the argument is just

• health screenings • community dining • meals-on-wheels • transporation services • local resource options • recreational activities • and so much more!

CASS • RANSOM • RICHLAND • SARGENT • STEELE • TRAILL

October/November 2015

as strong or stronger that it’s linked to access to mental health services and that sense of isolation,” she clarifies. “And I don’t think it’s been definitively proven either way. All of those together certainly create a perfect storm.” Traynor and Bernardy both agree people in North Dakota and western Minnesota, regardless of age, are less comfortable with the idea of mental illness and mental health services. A pervasive stigma still exists that those who seek out mental health services are crazy or weak. These stigmatized beliefs are particularly prevalent among aging populations, and as a result, there is a direct link between that line of thinking and people’s comfort level with seeking out mental health services. It’s one of the biggest barriers to ensuring older loved ones are safe and getting the care they need, says Bernardy. “I believe that people in the elderly population in our region attach this stigma, this ‘suck it up’ mentality, to their personal lives where they want to keep everything private,” she says. “It makes it really difficult for these people to seek services or talk to family.”

October/November 2015

Brief Therapy Beneficial

Once (or if) an older person decides to seek help, there can be additional stumbling blocks. The age gap between therapists or counselors and patients may be uncomfortable and lead to resentment. Trust is a huge challenge to overcome in any patient-therapist relationship, but it’s exacerbated when an age, and presumably life, gap is thrown into the mix. “I run into this all the time,” says Bernardy. “I’m not 55plus, so for them to understand that I have the experience and education to back what I’m telling them can be hard. It’s so easy for them to look at me as this young kid who doesn’t know anything about the elderly.” Bernardy says she is sensitive to this and employs more traditional counseling methods when meeting with older patients. “I forego all technology. I have the capability to type while I listen or talk, but to them, this can come across as disrespectful,” she says. “So, mostly I just listen. If I do need to write something down, I do it by hand. I really try to stay where they’re at in the moment.” Insurance is another headache. Medicaid is the nation’s main public health insurance program for people with low income and the single largest source of public health coverage in the U.S., covering nearly 70 million Americans. Sixteen million of those enrollees are elderly (aged 65 or over) or have disabilities. Unless a Medicaid enrollee has an independent supplemental policy that enhances mental health services coverage, an older person on Medicaid has limited mental health services resources and coverage. “Medicaid only accepts certain kinds of licensures, so if they opened that up a little bit, that would increase access to mental health professionals for people,” explains Bernardy. “There is already a shortage of service providers in Fargo-Moorhead to meet the needs of everyone.” North Dakota is working diligently to combat the stigma associated with suicide and mental health issues. In the fall, the state’s Department of Health will launch a largescale media campaign to increase awareness and education on suicide prevention. Unlike campaigns of the past, this one promises to encompass all age groups and will take a targeted approach, says Traynor. “We’re going to roll out radio, television, billboards, web, and all types of media,” Traynor says. “My hope is that we can use some research and find out the most effective messaging for each age group. And then we can deliver that message specifically to those age groups. Like using radio station demographics, for instance.” One message Bernardy says has worked well in her practice is to remind older patients that therapy doesn’t have to be forever. So many of her older patients who are dealing with depression or feelings of isolation and low self-esteem think they’re losing their minds and that it will only get worse from there. That’s when thoughts of suicide can really start to take hold. But Bernardy is quick to remind them—or their family members—that therapy offers help now, and isn’t a longterm commitment. “Research shows that even brief therapy is beneficial for people struggling with depression or suicidal thoughts,” she says. “It is something you can overcome, no matter how old you are.”

Suicide Among Elderly Americans The warning signs include:

• Loss of interest in things or activities that are usually enjoyable

• Cutting back social interaction, selfcare, and grooming

• Breaking medical regimens (such as going off diets, prescriptions)

• Experiencing or expecting a significant personal loss (spouse or other)

• Feeling hopeless and/or worthless • Putting affairs in order, giving things away, or making changes in wills

• Stock-piling medication or obtaining other lethal means

• Preoccupation with death or a lack of concern about personal safety

The most significant indicator is an expression of suicidal intent. This list first appeared on the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy website. Depression and other mental health challenges are treatable. Tell someone. Reach out for support—24/7 resources exist. For information on counseling services, The Village Family Service Center can help. Call 701-451-4900. If you or someone you know is in crisis, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255) to contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Formerly from Fargo-Moorhead, freelance writer Patricia Carlson writes about baby boomers, parenting, and healthy lifestyles for magazines across the country. Check out her work at www.patriciacarlsonfreelance.com.

Your local 24 hour Helpline linking you to community resources and offering listening and support

2-1-1 or 701-235-7335(SEEK)

Member of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-TALK (8255)

001240620r1

October/November 2015

YOUR FAMILY z parenting

By Gwendolyn Hoberg “You’re about to lose your video games for a week, young lady.” More often than not, a warning like this is all it takes. The prospect of a week without gaming will catch the attention of most children who love to play video games. Meanwhile, the parents may appreciate the chance to withhold something they’re not so sure is a good pastime. For game lovers, video games have an irresistible allure of endlessly exciting challenges to overcome. For parents and other caregivers, these games frequently generate fears their children will become sedentary, violence-loving gaming addicts.

October/November 2015

There are numerous video game genres and sub-genres, to say nothing of how many individual games exist. In this respect, video games are similar to movies. There are many movie genres and individual titles that parents would not want their children exposed to. Some of the most serious concerns about gaming relate to violence, but there are hundreds of games with mild or no violence. Popular genres of this kind include quests, action/ adventure, sports, exercise, puzzles, trivia, music, and dance games. With the great variety of games available, parents should be careful not to over-generalize. Like every activity, playing video games has benefits and detriments. A better understanding of the pros and cons of gaming will help families make the best decision about if and how to include video games in their lives.

The Upside of Gaming Skill building

Developing both fine motor and cognitive skills are among the benefits of playing video games.

Manipulating the controllers and timing certain moves help improve manual dexterity. Guitar Hero is a fun way for kids to work on hand-eye coordination and boost their auditory perceptions. This game has been used to help burn victims recover fine motor dexterity and coordination. Children can learn problem solving and creativity by playing games such as LittleBigPlanet 3, singled out by Consumer Reports in 2014 as a top kids’ game where “creativity rules.” In the LittleBigPlanet series, like the many similar “puzzle platformer” games, players make decisions about their characters’ features, abilities, and actions in order to advance to the next level. Dave Binkard of Barnesville, Minn., cofounder of PODS Game Design, recommends strategy and role-playing game (RPG) genres, which “require forethought and careful planning,” to improve cognition. He gives the example of SimCity, where “a player has to zone property types (residential, industrial, and commercial) on an undeveloped countryside and ensure it has access to electricity, water, and roads. The player also has to balance a yearly budget with realistic expenditures that must be taken into account, like education, healthcare, and infrastructure.” Binkard also praises the hugely popular Minecraft. “In this game, players find themselves in the midst of a gigantic pixel world.

There is no goal, which also means players must have the initiative to guide themselves through it. Players can transform and create the world around them.” Elizabeth Brey, a game researcher and doctoral student at the University of Waterloo in Ontario, says playing narrative games such as RPGs has taught her how narrative functions and what does and doesn’t work in a story. “As a writer, it’s been indispensable to literally play with the conventions of narrative,” Brey says. “The puzzles and logical games integrated into story-based problem-solving games have also helped me far beyond being a better gamer. I’ve improved as a critical thinker and am much more patient with problem solving than I used to be.”

Socialization

In recent years, increased online connectivity has created the opportunity for social development through gaming. Tweens and teens can acquire social skills within virtual environments by interacting with others playing the same games— frequently young people from all around the world with diverse backgrounds and perspectives. Some popular games involving virtual networks (also called massively multiplayer online games, or MMOs) are Wizard101 (rated E10+ for everyone 10 and up by the Entertainment Software Rating Board), ROBLOX (not rated but played by many children under 14), and League of Legends and October/November 2015

Pointers for setting limits on video games • Depending on a child’s age, work together to create rules and limits. • Talk with your kids and listen to the reasons they like certain games. • Try as a family to intentionally select games that give meaningful satisfaction such as social interaction, leadership, and complex strategy. • Avoid games that are time wasters such as super-repetitive games or games where your kids acknowledge they’re not getting

anything of value for the time spent. • Rotate between educational games and just-for-fun games. • Put “unplug” days on the calendar. These can be more effective if everyone in the family abides by them, adults included. • Keep video games (as well as TVs and computers) out of your kids’ bedrooms. • Periodically re-evaluate the rules and keep conversations going over time.

Consider: Severely limiting gaming time or eliminating it altogether might inflate the activity’s perceived value in the eyes of your kids. Even adults can fall victim to valuing something largely because it is forbidden. Trying the suggestions above might work better for your family than an all-or-nothing video game mentality. World of Warcraft (both rated T for teen). One thing for parents to be aware of with this type of game is that usually the more competitive the game, the more aggressive and hostile other players can be. Still, working through antagonistic exchanges and learning how to respond appropriately to conflict are some of the very social skills parents might want their children to practice.

Career opportunity

If your child is passionate about video games—not just playing them, but everything about them—consider encouraging that career path. Binkard’s company teaches video game design to area children, and he stresses the connection to the “STEAM” subjects (science, technology, engineering, arts, and mathematics). Each component in the process, from scripting code to problem solving to creating dialogue, relies on those subjects. In addition, today’s video game industry is a place where 42

October/November 2015

many composers, arrangers, and sound editors find reliable, well-paid work. Some video game scores use full orchestras and choirs. The game Journey received the first Grammy nomination by a video game in the category “Best Score Soundtrack for Visual Media” in 2012. Ryan Jackson, music technology specialist and coordinator of the Music Industry Program at Minnesota State University Moorhead, has some suggestions for young people interested in a career in video game music or sound editing. “Study things like music production and synthesis, traditional and modern composition, some basic graphics and animation, and film. A well-rounded background in all of the media and traditional arts will give a student an edge,” says Jackson.

The Downside of Gaming Exposure to violence

Of all the unwanted effects of playing video games, the idea they promote, cause, or desensitize children to violence may be the most prevalent. Violent video games are often blamed in the wake of mass shootings like the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting in 2012. However, a new report by the American Psychological Association (APA) shows there is no evidence that playing video games alone leads to juvenile delinquency, violence, or lawless behavior. The report stated it was an “accumulation of risk factors” including things such as antisocial behavior, problematic home life, and other dynamics that leads to increased aggression. While it’s not a lone factor, video gaming can be a contributing factor. Kim Douglas, a family counselor with The Village Family Service Center in Fargo, hears parents say their children are more physically or verbally aggressive after playing video games. She talks with parents about how it’s not only the amount of time children spend gaming that needs attention, but also games’ ratings. “The ratings are there for a reason. If it says ‘Mature’ and your child is 10, that is not a good thing. Some parents are afraid to upset their child by taking away video games, but they really need to take back control,” says Douglas. “It’s for the good of the child. As a family therapist, the most frustrating thing is when parents won’t take away the aggressive games from their children, despite their concerns about how it’s affecting them.” Douglas singles out two popular games, Grand Theft Auto and Halo, as “absolutely inappropriate for any child under the age of 17.” Brey says the best way to ensure children “aren’t playing inappropriate games or playing games inappropriately”—an important distinction—“is to actually sit down with them while they play. This isn’t to say you have to be there every minute, but be there sometimes. Let them know you are checking in on them. Understand what they’re playing and how. Being around while your children are playing games online can ensure they aren’t taking part in toxic game cultures, either as a victim of harassment or a perpetrator of it.”

Promotes inactivity

Whatever the content—violent or otherwise—of a video game, another concern is that gaming contributes to an inactive lifestyle. In addition to taking away from pursuits like homework, reading, and the arts, gaming can take time away from outdoor play with other children and physical activity. Though kids can exercise by playing games like Dance Dance Revolution and Wii Sports, many kids choose games

that simply require them to sit in front of a screen. Both the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the World Health Organization recommend children and adolescents do a minimum of one hour of physical activity every day. Douglas reminds parents, “There’s a line between a healthy amount and an excessive amount. There are some pros to playing video games, but if kids are playing too much, they’re not playing outside and getting exercise. Obesity can happen. But then the opposite can happen, too. Some kids won’t stop gaming to eat and can become underweight as a result.”

Addiction

“ Manipulating the controllers and timing certain moves help improve manual dexterity.”

One of the primary complaints about MMOs is their addictive nature. Because the game is constantly changing, and the story continues to progress, players get drawn into the game and lose track of time. When kids constantly talk about gaming, feel like they can’t go without gaming for a period of time, or start breaking rules and doing anything they can to play video games, they may be moving toward gaming addiction. Just as parents need to monitor which games children are playing and their manner of game play, they need to make sure children aren’t gaming for hours a day and that they’re taking enough breaks. “Moderation is important even with ‘good’ games,” Douglas says. Too much screen time of any kind (TV, phones, desktop computers, tablets, and video games) contributes to poor physical health as well as a lack of real human connection and real-world socializing. Douglas says a healthy amount of total screen time is one to two hours a day. Kids play video games because they challenge them. But along with a good challenge, the fun, and the development of a variety of skills, video games carry the possibility of unwelcome behavior, physical inactivity, and—at the extreme—addiction. The best path to healthy, constructive gaming is parental awareness, communication, and supervision. Gwendolyn Hoberg is an editor, writer, and classical musician. A resident of Moorhead, she is the office manager at Ringstrom Law, teaches horn at NDSU, and plays with the Duluth Symphony.

October/November 2015

ADOLESCENCE

ASK A COUNSELOR

Community Education Programs Manager Reach One Teach One North Dakota

Outpatient Services Program Director ShareHouse, Inc.

Katie Christensen, MS

Q:When should I talk to my child about puberty?

Children need basic information about their bodies, especially when it comes to puberty. Learning everything at once could be overwhelming. Instead, try to have many conversations over time before puberty begins. When children know what to expect, they tend to be more comfortable with the changes. Look for teachable moments to start a conversation. For instance, on the car ride home from the store, ask your child why you purchased deodorant. This topic can lead to discussing other changes, plus it gives the opportunity to talk about the responsibilities that come with caring for your body. Although it might feel awkward at first, children want this information from their parents. If you’re able to have an open and honest conversation about puberty, your child will be more likely to discuss other topics in the future such as dating. For more information on workshops or resources for parents, please contact our office. Reach One Teach One North Dakota 624 Main Ave., Suite 9, Fargo 701-526-0725 www.PPMNS.org/ReachOneTeachOneND

Jeremy Traen, LSW, LAC, LADC

Q: A:

: I am concerned a coworker might have a drinking problem. How should I address this?

This is a tough position to be in as a coworker. Contact your HR or supervisor right away. Inform them with the facts and let them take this on. The company is able to address these concerns with the employee and can have the employee seek professional help at a treatment facility in order to retain their position. The employer has the ability to have the employee sign a legal document, called a release of information, at the treatment facility. This allows the treatment facility to communicate with the employer about recommendations and level of follow through. ShareHouse has online resources at www.ShareHouse.org. Click on the “Ask A Counselor” link or you can call ShareHouse at 701-282-6561.

ShareHouse, Inc. 701-282-6561 www.ShareHouse.org

ADDICTION

adoption

Lost and Found Ministry

Adoption Option Program Director

Sue Grundysen, MSW

Beth Brantner, LPCC, M.Ed., LAC

Q:Why can’t they just quit?

Because addiction is a multifaceted disease that is a chronic brain disorder. When using, a person’s brain neurotransmitters get a surge of pleasure. The brain then becomes single-mindedly focused on the chemical to repeat the pleasure. This desire becomes so strong that using becomes more important than anything else in the person’s life. As the disease progresses, a physical dependency can also occur where the body goes through withdrawal without the chemical. Withdrawal can be life threatening and feel so bad you wish you were dead. Recovery is learning how to live without the chemical as well as addressing, repairing and improving all facets of a person’s life. This is a complex illness that has no cure, but an illness that has a solution. Recovery works and changes everything. Get help today by calling 218-287-2089 or emailing info@lostandfoundministry.org. Lost and Found Ministry 111 7th St. S., Moorhead 218-287-2089 www.LostAndFoundMinistry.org

was adopted as an infant and have a little of Q:Ithe story, but I am interested in updated medical background information, and maybe communicating with my birthparents. How do I make that happen?

Start with the agency in the state where your family finalized your adoption. If you were placed through The Village, or LSS of North Dakota, we can assist you as we maintain our adoption records forever. We have access to the background information from your birth family so we can reach out to them in a confidential manner to see if they are ready and open to communicating. As a minimum, we try to obtain updated medical information for you. Call us—we will walk you through the process and explain the North Dakota search laws involved.

Adoption Option 1-800-627-8220 www.TheVillageFamily.org www.LSSND.org

YOUR FAMILY z food & fun

Nutter Butter

book Choco Bars pumpkin • ½ cup sugar • ½ cup corn syrup • ¾ cup Reese’s peanut butter chocolate spread • 3 cups Corn Chex cereal

In a large saucepan over medium heat, bring the sugar and corn syrup to a gentle boil. Stir for 1 to 2 minutes until sugar is melted. Remove from heat and stir in the chocolate peanut butter spread. Mix thoroughly. Add in the Corn Chex and stir until well-coated. Press into a greased 8x8 pan. Cool in refrigerator.

• Paperback or hardcover book • Small round plate or bowl to trace outline • Pencil • Scissors or X-Acto knife • Hot glue gun • Orange spray paint • Twigs or cinnamon sticks • Ribbon or strip of burlap Start with an old paperback or hardcover book. Remove the front and back cover. Place half of a small plate or bowl over the top of the book and trace the outline to make a half circle. Taking a few pages at a time, cut along the half circle using scissors or an X-Acto knife. Tear off excess paper from outside of the half circle as you go along. When all the pages are cut, open the book up all the way, connecting the front and back pages, to make a sphere. Hot glue along the binding to connect the front to the back, and hold in place until dry. Lightly spray the book with orange spray paint. Allow to dry. Hot glue a cluster of cinnamon sticks or twigs together and glue them to the top of the pumpkin. Wrap the bottom of the “stem” with ribbon or a strip of burlap and tie in a knot or bow. October/November 2015

YOUR FAMILY z words & wisdom

We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude. —Cynthia Ozick

Feeling gratitude and not Sometimes the most expressing it is like wrapping a proactive thing we can present and not giving it. do is to be happy, just to genuinely smile. Happiness, —William Arthur Ward like unhappiness, is a The soul should proactive choice. always stand ajar, —Stephen R. Covey

ready to welcome the ecstatic As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest experience. appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them. —John F. Kennedy

—Emily Dickinson

The most thoroughly wasted of all days is that on which

one has not laughed. —Nicolas Chamfort

Thanksgiving Day comes, by statute, once a year; to the honest man it comes as frequently as the heart of gratitude will allow. —Edward Sanford Martin

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