Violet Summer Zine Issue 5

VIOLET SUMMER ZINE ISS. 5 1

© 2019 Violet Summer Zine, All Rights Reserved.

Published by: Mel Writes, LLC

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Melissa Henderson

Ashley Uzer

Chandler Jay

Melissa is a writer on a quest to make cool stuff. She loves telling stories, shopping, and working with other likeminded people. She is currently helping people run their business while starting her own. For selfcare, she goes to barre class three times a week, walks 10,000 steps a day and drinks lots of water. She wants people to stop saying they grew up in predominantly blah blah blah nieghborhoods because it diminishes one’s self worth. This summer she will be working and going to the beach. Meet her there.

Ashley is a writer, artist, and blogger with a focus on affordable fashion, plantbased food, travel, and lifestyle. She also sometimes get on her soapbox and talk about her soberish lifestyle or her obsession with gratitude journals.

Ashley has written for DC Magazine, Galore Media, Bustle, HelloGiggles, VICE, and more.

Chandler Jay Ponti is a father, artist and native New Yorker. Chandler met Melissa and her crew at a party on the UWS years ago and they have been friends ever since. Chan is currently writing and producing music through his group Tribe Wild Musiq. Also known as West Side Slim, his music is a mix of R&B, Rap and Poetry. Follow him on Instagram @sexbiscuitz

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Aramide A. Tinubu

Kendall Alexander

Naria Symone

Aramide A. Tinubu is a film critic and entertainment journalist. Her work has been published in EBONY, ESSENCE, Bustle, The Daily Mail, IndieWire and Blavity. She wrote her master’s thesis on Black Girlhood and Parental Loss in Contemporary Black American Cinema. She’s a cinephile, bookworm, blogger and NYU + Columbia University alum.

Kendall Alexander is not here to sugar coat the shit that happens to her in her day to day life. Kendall doesn’t have the time to make you feel comfortable, because she’s too busy trying to figure out how she can be comfortable in her own skin (society hasn’t really made it easy). Her blog “Let’s Get Into It” spits the truth about catastrophes that everyone goes through, but prefer to remain silent about it. So she’s here to save them from their catastrophes and to convince them to live in truth.

Naria Symone is a communications strategist who resides in Brooklyn, NY. She’s passionate about uncovering cultural and behavioral insights to inform brand strategies that empower marginalized communities. She specializes in executing integrated marketing campaigns with strategic cause and media partnerships, diversity initiatives, and high-profile media events with celebrity ambassadors.

Collaborators 5

Genny Mack

Morgan Mosley

Raina Asid

Get Fit with gennymack

My name is Morgan Mosley from Wilmington, Delaware.

I started photography my senior year in high school with shooting and developing black and white film. My favorite Photography technique is leading lines because it gives your audience more of a vivid capture from the eyes of the photographer.

My favorite photography to shoot is Street, Beauty, and Nature. I’m eager to see where it will take me in life.

Raina Asid is a graphic designer trying to make the world more aesthetically pleasing one image at a time. She is a consistent creator or some pretty dope illustrations. When is she not infront of her computer, she somewhere deep in The Golden Girls universe.

To see more of her work, follow her on instagram: @asidchronicles

classes were founded in 2017 by Genail McKinley, a Certified Group Fitness Instructor, based in New York City. When Genail is not training clients and teaching classes, she is working as a full-time Financial Services Consultant/CPA in NYC Get Fit with gennymack classes bring fun and energetic workouts by using bodyweight techniques to build muscle, cardiorespiratory endurance and agility.

My dream is to own several fitness studios.

Collaborators 6

Features Self-Aware is Free

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Good Energy

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We Need People To

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New York To Nairobi

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Leland B. Martin

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Too Yellow To Be Blue

P.26

SHAKTIBARRE

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From India With Love

P.31

Teach Me How To Love

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Digital Rights

P.40

Interview with Law Grad Annie Seifullah

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Building Online Communities Sista Circle

P.49

The Fourtress

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Novella

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Sanity Addiction: Part 4

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the most meaningful thing i’ve learned this year is that happiness, joy, beauty, security and peace are free. society and corporations try to package them up and sell them to us but these attributes live on the soul level so they can neither be packaged nor sold. they’re free. camilledargan

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Self-Aware is Free By: Melissa Henderson

It was inevitable to focus this year’s zine on self-care & wellness due to the current hostile political climate driving everyone insane. It seems like everyone is in their feelings and looking to make meaningful connections in efforts to become more grounded with their mind, body, and spirit. There are plenty of wellness and selfcare developments we could have dedicated page space to but what we won’t to do is explain it matter of factly. Like you don’t already know to stop eating Chinese food from the corner store because it probably contains MSG (Monosodium Glutamate). A common side effect is bloating, fatigue, dehydration and weight gain from intaking excessive amounts. Although all facts, it didn’t stop me from ordering four wings with salt, pepper, and ketchup with a small fried rice and egg roll a few times a week as a teenager. Later in my adult life, my Chinese store visits are still like clockwork but once a month and on occasion Buddhakan. Many times this ritualistic cash-only transactions gave me perspective about the type of people who still don’t know how to eat healthily. It was in my local takeout spot that I got into a minor altercation after rejecting this dusty dude from getting my number. Mind you, I was wearing workout clothes and carrying a yoga mat when he decided to compare his skin complexion with mine, as well as insult my toenails and I was wearing sneakers!

He said something about how the rapper TI ain’t shit because “girls only like light skinned n*ggas now” and that because he was “dark-skinned” it was becoming harder to pick up women. First of all, I’m a proud black girl! Periodt. And as painfully ignorant as this all sounds, it was even more disgusting to witness it being said to my face. Why was this dusty dude so angry at me for not being nice to him? Of course, this situation wasn’t about me. It was more about his lack of self-awareness, a major personality trait people need to develop and build within themselves because it doesn’t come naturally. And that’s just it. Wellness and self care are trial and error in regard to how they exist in urban cultures. What we won’t do is talk about stuff that’s already been written in mainstream magazines. Issue 5’s stories are meant to contribute to the universal conversation for getting your self care mind right. As always, each feature is genuine and presents a timely response to urban culture IRL. It’s not necessarily about the latest diet that burns fat - apparently, the KETO diet is not good for your vagina smell the same way cigarettes aren’t good for anyone’s bodily hygiene?? Contributor Ashley Uzer’s candid response to “I like your vibe” pickup lines is the exact type of energy we won’t be addressing. Do you really like my vibe, bro? Or are you just caught up? One piece of advice I highly recommend is going digital with self-care. Download a meditation app ( my personal fav is Stop.

Breathe. Think). VSZ’s stories about wellness and self-care are literally just a small fraction but aim to inspire readers to dive deeper into whatever their intuition is calling them towards.

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Good Energy

By: Ashley Uzer

Getting Rejected By A Dude From Planet of the Apes, And Dating in LA as an East Coast Girl It’s around 8:30 PM on a Sunday night, and the guy I just went on a first date with is currently holding my trash bags while I strut around the home supplies aisle at Ralph’s. I couldn’t carry the trash bags myself, because I’m currently cradling a 12-count of toilet paper.

For all the east coasters, Ralph’s is the standard LA grocery store for the non-boujie of us that can’t afford Erewhon. For all the people wondering what kind of person would invite their date to accompany them on a toilet paper grocery run...nice to meet you. I’m Ashley, and I just moved to LA about a month ago.

Most girls seem to hate LA’s dating scene, saying the guys are all fuckboys or divas that expect girls to “work” for them. I’ve noticed LA guys are much less likely to ask for a second date when there clearly was no chemistry on the first. On one hand, this could mean they’re not “working” for it enough, but on the other, I think this just saves us both a lot of time.

There’s also the blind confidence of some of the men here, like the stereotypical stoner bro who said he saw me walking down the street in my The Doors t-shirt and whipped his car around to come talk to me by knocking on my car window in the parking lot (yes, I went out with him and yes, he sells weed for a living). But it’s not the same blind, almost rape-y confidence of east coast guys. East coast men seem to be more like, “I know you said you don’t want to go to dinner with me, but maybe if I invite you to Tao (or Miami) for the fifth time, you’ll decide to say yes.” LA guys, in my experience thus far, are more like, “I’m going to shoot my shot because you have “good energy,” but every step of the way I’m going to check in and make sure you’re still into what’s going on. If not, I’m not going to try to convince you.”

The “you have good energy” thing seems to be how guys say “I like your tits” in LA-lingo. Those same guys may also ask for your horoscope sign and Google your compatibility seconds after your first date.

I always thought the idea of using “what’s your sign?” as a pick-up line was a joke, but I think literally every date I’ve gone on since moving to LA has involved me disclosing my horoscope sign (scorpio, BTW). Countless other interactions have involved guys trying to guess my horoscope sign—whether it occured in an Uber 11

Pool or at a bar. According to the people in LA I may have some Gemini tendencies?

While this obviously sounds like a hilarious cliche come to fruition, I honestly prefer it to east coast guys’ refusal to even entertain the idea of the zodiac because it “can’t be real” (or more realistically, because it’s perceived as a “girl thing”). Even if you don’t believe in it, you can discover a lot about a person by discussing their sign.

When a guy asks for my sign, I usually describe that, true to my sign, I’m very sexual, a total control freak in most aspects of my life, and emotional deep down but behind a hardened facade. I mean, I think those are good things to know about someone before you continue going out with them, don’t you?

Of course, there are places where these cliches err on the bad side (or hilarious side, depending how you look at it).

My favorite anecdote thus far is when an actor who legit played an ape in Planet of The Apes told me we should cancel our date because the energy was off. We had been messaging on Raya — an invite-only dating app known for its celeb members — for a few days. When he admitted he was an actor, I made a sassy comment about feeling I had been “bait and switched” because he didn’t disclose list it on his profile.

He was not happy about this comment. After his defensive statements, he sent me a YouTube link to some of his acting. I initially thought he sent it as a joke, because it was a clip of a bunch of monkeys. Had I not watched it for one more second, I would have messaged him saying, “good thing I love hairy guys.” But, I eventually saw him

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getting interviewed about his role as an ape. I’m not sure if I didn’t act impressed enough, or he reflected longer on my former statements, but a day or two before our scheduled date, he messaged me saying he decided we probably shouldn’t go out because he felt there was bad energy.

It sounds funny, but in reality it was a good thing. Like I mentioned before, I think LA guys pick up on things quicker—or maybe they’re just less desperate and don’t need to shoot a million shots hoping one will hit. Ape-y and I were never going to seriously date, and judging by my reactions to his photos upon second glance, we were never going to have sex either. Why not save us both the time and trouble and cancel our date for an innocuous reason? Because truly, you don’t need a good reason not to go out with someone. We’re all busy.

Oh, and back to the toilet paper guy. I did warn him not to come into Ralph’s with me. I told him to call his Uber at Ralph’s instead of walking me the extra block home, because I had to run in and grab something. When he persisted — assuming if he made it to my front door, maybe I’d invite him inside — and asked what I had to buy.

I told him straight up. Keep in mind he did not live in LA, he was just visiting—hence the persistence. He said something like, “wow, you really put it all out there.” And, to be honest, maybe I do...but maybe it also had something to do with the fact that I knew I probably never wanted to see him again. And, like I said, we’re all busy.

She Making Moves, Moves It’s been forever since we spoke to zine homie Jessica Berry, but every time we link up, it’s always a celebration. She actually ran into Bellamy at a concert a few months ago, it was a VSZ divine intervention. ‘Hey! I haven’t talked to you in forever. Life is so great. I love Bellamy. The new Soho house is about to put DTLA on the map. I’m trying to stay focus on my business and launch my Series. You gotta move to LA.” She said all of this in one breath in true Jess spirit. Props to her new dope gig, too!

She making moves, moves. It was just yesterday she was waitressing at Sur. Now, you too can party with us at Soho house DTLA. The lifestyle brand’s latest property for cool people will call LA’s art district home this coming August. The renovated 5 - story warehouse features not 1 but 3 restaurants, a gym, a pool, 100+ hotel rooms and of course performance art space. Save your coins. There’s already a founding member list and those under 27 get a special discounted rate membership from the regular $3,300. Better get ya portfolio together, you’ll definitely want to be on this list. Keep it locked on VSZ’s IG page for more insider news. - Melissa Henderson 13

We Need People Too By: Kendall Alexander When Sunday morning comes around, I kind of hate myself, just a little. I say to myself “Damn bitch, you just wasted another weekend, again. How could you let this happen? Did you do anything for yourself that you actually wanted to do? No, you were too busy doing all that adult shit you hate to do. Well, at least you already have some plans tonight. Try again with that other shit next weekend.”

The “other shit” that I am referring to in this dialogue I have with myself almost every Sunday morning is the self-care routines that I’m supposed to fit into my very busy schedule.

But for some reason, I always end up annoyed and disappointed with myself because I let myself fall into this endless cycle of not doing things that would contribute to my well being.

However, this annoyance and disappointment only last so long.

When Sunday comes around that means Sunday Night Dinner is in full effect!! When I see my girls on a 14

Sunday night after a hectic and stressful work week with my irritating - ass- boss and my ignorant-ass co-workers, it brings me the peace and joy I need in order to start the work week up again. Sunday Night Dinners with my friends allows us to relax in a safe space and voice our frustrations as young, gifted, and hardworking ladies. I sound a little selfish, don’t I? LOL Just know that I am focused on getting where I want to be in my life, but that path can be exhausting AF. My emotional stability literally revolves around how I feel about Fridays, Saturdays, and good ol’ Sundays. When it’s finally Friday, I get a sense of relief because there are so many moves I can make, but somehow I end up doing the same shit every weekend. On a Friday night I can do whatever I want whether it be going out to the club with my girls, inviting a guy I met during the week over so I can get laid, or just going home to drink a glass of wine while watching Viola Davis’s endless talent in “How to Get Away with Murder.” Fridays are always up for grabs. Usually, though, I’m too exhausted to do the first two options so most of the time I’m keeping it PG ( that’s Pinot Grigio) and watching Hulu.

While most people love their Saturdays, I low-key dread them because it’s a day of adult chores (and they suck ass). Grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, and running errands are the things that get done on a Saturday (so much fun, right?). No disrespect to the Marshall’s candle sniffers, I just don’t enjoy spending hours hauling heavy bags up the MTA stairways filled with items on my to-do. By the time Sunday morning comes around, like every other person who has a job or goes to school, I wonder where the weekend went. Smh. That’s why I can’t wait till Sunday night. This is my version of self-care. They’re my way of ending the weekend on a high note, even if I didn’t get to do all the things I wanted to do. The energy that my friends bring to Sunday Night Dinner is just what I need to feel supported, cared for, and loved. Each of my friends is from different backgrounds from all over the country and the world. I’m of West Indian descent but I was born and raised in New York, my other friend is from Malaysia, three others are from the Philly area, and another is from New Jersey. On paper, we are quite different when it comes to our upbringings. But in true sisterhood, we’re all likeminded people with similar values and experiences.

We all break bread for our Sunday Night Dinner. Someone brings or cooks the main dish and dessert, and we all have to contribute to the wine or weed of the night because that’s only fair. Being together at the end of each week gives us all a chance to let go of struggles we faced during the week that made us so angry or so joyful.

We talk about any and everything. We listen to what we all have to say. It is extremely important in our self-care routine to have people we can vent and confine in.

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My friend Luv, the one who’s from Malaysia, came to the US to be a professional dancer and gain exposure. Luv is living her best life in America right now but is TIRED of men trying to ask her out in the worst ways possible. Every Sunday, I hear a different story about a date with an ignorant guy who tries to spit game at her.

“You can make me fried rice, and I’ll make you fried chicken,” Luv told us one day at Sunday Night Dinner. She was referring to the guy she just ghosted for being racially insensitive. She went on to recount the pickup lines she heard throughout her busy dance week. “I’m trying to get an Asian off my bucket list”, she recalled as we all just cringe. But the absolute worst was when some guys asked her “Is it true that Asian pussy is tighter?” Wow, Isn’t that tragic? Luv thought she was the only one who was going through horrible stereotypical pickup lines, but my crew quickly consoled about how black women are still being fetishized by white men in the workplace.

When we talk about our experiences, we let each other know that we are together in this. No matter how alone we may feel in the moment. It gives us a shared feeling of relief to know we can vent about dumb guys which usually ends up with a series of planned clapbacks to text or say in person to these said dumb guys... Because what are friends for?

Oh and you gotta meet my girl Shonda. She is one of the three in my Sunday Night Dinner crew. She is from Philly and is TIRED of being judged solely because she doesn’t “have the same backgrounds as her peers.” Like me, Shonda is also a dancer, but she doesn’t look like your typical dancer (What is that even mean?), so naturally, people have underestimated her all her life. But she loves to dance! Unfortunately, you have to be a size two and snow white to succeed in the professional dance world.

However, there’s no denying Shonda’s bangin’ body and work ethic. She literally puts in more work than anyone in her company, yet it seems like others around schlep on by and it’s crazy they end up getting the recognition that she deserves!

And you know how I know this, because of our Sunday Night Dinner sessions.

When she didn’t get the promotion she knew she deserved, she said her chest got so tight it was hard for her to breathe. We told sis it could’ve been a panic attack!

She was upset because she wasn’t getting the recognition she passionately wanted so bad. Unfortunately, in situations like this, we can’t do anything to change Shonda’s environment if she doesn’t want to change it herself. We just listen, understand, and support her through her emotions. We say, “Shonda, we are tired of hearing about that damn horrible job now c’mon! It’s detrimental to your health and well being.

We’re not here for the bs and you shouldn’t be either. You’re better than this, girl!”

Being real with Shonda is how she ultimately snapped out of her own misery. We motivated her (and ourselves) to apply and work better jobs, emailing her links to job ads and offering to proofread her cover letters. A few Sunday Night Dinners after her promotion drama, she walked into our weekly safe space so proud to announce she applied to a new job and the hoe got it! See! That’s what I’m talking about, Hello!

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We tend to forget that the people around us can contribute to our self-care almost as much as we can. This is important especially for you busy bees who don’t know when to stop, sit back, and reflect. Sunday Night Dinners provide a time for me to get out of my head and just be in the space and live in the Now. Our unique experience of oppression and sexism are inevitable during the week. It just feels good to know that my crew is there every step of the way via our Sunday Night Dinner ritual. I can’t always rely on myself to get me straight, and you shouldn’t either.

Relying on yourself can be exhausting AF because let’s face it, rarely do we follow our own advice. We can’t always pick ourselves up every time some out of pocket bs happens. That’s what friends are there for. So girl lets get into it. Get some friends and ask them who’s bringing the dinner, dessert, and spirits.

Kendall Alexander is not here to sugar coat the shit that happens to her in her day to day life. She simply just doesn’t have the time. Kendall doesn’t have the time to make you feel comfortable, because she’s too busy trying to figure out how she can be comfortable in her own skin (society hasn’t really made it easy).

Her blog “Let’s Get Into It”, spits the truth about catastrophes that everyone goes through, but prefer to remain silent about it. So she’s here to save them from their catastrophes and to open their eyes about what really matters.

Check out her blog at http://letsgetintoit.org.

Check out her blog IG: @letsget.intoit Check out her personal IG: @heyimkendall_

NOW PLAYING...

RAP GUMBO JP REYNOLDS Artist JP Reynolds’ new body of work “Rap Gumbo” is a mix of genres and lessons from his life.

During the album release event at The Mailroom on Wall Street, the lyricist tells the crowd,“It’s named Rap Gumbo because I know where I come from.”

Like all his music projects, this EP is intentional as the lyrics reveal deep personal narratives about lessons he learned from his family, chasing dreams, and black codes, which is deep song you gotta listen to as a group and discuss. Props to the truth.

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NEW YORK TO NAIROBI By: Melissa Henderson

In a special collaboration to build relationships with our brothers and sisters from East Africa, a select group of American journalists and lifestyle executives were invited by me ( and CFK) to celebrate Kenya Airways new direct routes from New York (JFK) to Nairobi ( NBO). As the first direct route (by air) to the country, it cut down travel time by at least seven hours and so far the routes have introduced all kinds of business relationships, including The Core Fashion Kenya and Mel Writes.

The mission was simple - host a series of fashion- focused workshops for local Kenyan college students to gain insight and learn from the best creatives in Nairobi and New York City. The curated guest list included editors and media influencers Tanya Christian, Claudia Rondon Torres, and De’von Johnson, photographer Bellamy Brewster, fashion producer Mariana Cantu, branding executives, Natasha Roberts, Suzie Wakobi and Diana Opoti, as well as fashion designers and Stylists Anyango Mpimga, Mi Mi Plange, Brian Babu and Iris Barbee Bonner of These Pink Lips. At the core, #CFKNY2018 was an exchange in culture, a connection to each other’s roots, and a reawakening of our own creative power. It was much more than just a “press trip to Kenya.” It was the Real World: Nairobi. Things didn’t go as planned, there was lots of partying and late nights, yet we all were excited to be together. At the end of the day, we were all vessels of inspiration, confidence, and proof that if you are passionate enough about your work and have a plan, you can accomplish anything. This is what the local Nairobi students at the workshops valued the most.

The overall mission was Collaboration Not Competition.

Quick Travel Guide For Your Google: Where To Brunch: Karura Forest Restaurant Where To Dine: J’s Bar & Grill ( live music) Where To Party: Embassy Row Where To For Nature: The David Sheldrick Elephant Orphanage Where To Shop: The Village Market Mall Where To Go For Tailored Suits: NAROK NYC by Zeddie Loky 18

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The Workshops: Over 200 local Kenyan students attended the 3-day sessions to hear first hand how to build their brand or a successful career in the fashion industry.

The Photoshoot: Designer Anyango Mpinga collaborated with Los Angeles based photographer Bellamy Brewster to document her latest Spring/ Summer collection for Look book and e-commerce campaign. Special thanks to Wardrobe Stylist Brian Babu for his onset expertise and Claudia Rondon Torres for her modeling skillz.

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Q&A with Johannes Goitom VSZ: Since we last spoke in Nairobi, what business implementations did you make that you learned from our workshops and overall fellowship?

JH: The workshops were very inspiring in different ways to be upclose and in person with mentors from NYC and native people here who made it to the international level. It is a big deal. My sister and I were inspired by all the speakers at the workshops who work at Vogue, PRADA, Ralph Lauren, Essence magazine, BLEU magazine, a writer, last but not least a PR & Brand consultant. The most important thing about these workshops is that you get to ask yourself if you’re on the right track. I hope everyone has answered their questions.

VSZ: What panel did you enjoy the most?

JH: Iris Barbee of @ThesePinkLips was beyond! A lot of people don’t know where to start off, especially as an African. It’s rare to make your own decision. What she has shared with all of us was a key to success as well living proof to others that we can do it too!

VSZ: Your clothes look so dope on African dignitaries who want to stand out at a government event. What inspired your most recent looks? (See photo above) JH: This outfit was designed for a young movie scorer, music composer and a bass guitar player who was nominated on the Ethiopian Gumma award (movie award).

I was inspired by the movie Jalo. The outfit speaks about two different culturesEthiopian culture and western culture. The Ethiopian culture called GADA is a traditional system of governance used by the Oromo people in Ethiopia developed from knowledge gained by community experience over generations.

Follow @yohannesgoitom’s journey on IG. 21

Leland B. Martin By: Aramide Tinubu

Boomerang’s Leland B. Martin Has Already Shattered Your Expectations

Leland B. Martin won’t let you define him. The hunky actor’s voice booms out confidently just a couple days after the seventh episode of Boomerang aired on BET. “Pride” gave fans a deeper insight into Martin’s character, Ari Thomas. Like Martin —Ari is smooth, confident and sexy. Though he’s the most carefree among his ragtag group of friends which includes Simone (Tetona Jackson), Bryson (Tequan Richmond), Tia (Lala Milan), Crystal (Brittany Inge) and David (RJ Walker), it became clear in “Pride” that Ari isn’t afraid to stand his ground.

Ari’s reliance was one of the reasons the character spoke to Martin. When the rest of us were scratching our heads trying to figure out how Lena Waithe and Halle Berry —who serve as executive producers on the series —were going to remix the iconic Eddie Murphy-led 1992 flick Boomerang into a modern -day TV series —Martin could already see the vision unfolding before his eyes.

“Halle Berry and Lena Waithe were already attached to it when I went in for my audition,” Martin explained. “That’s what really what drew me to it. Lena Waithe, in my opinion, is as a genius who’s really making her mark in the industry and Halle Berry is iconic. She’s someone who has a very, very, stamped resume. So, when it comes to these two particular individuals and then everybody that came along with it; it was a no-brainer for me.”

Set in present-day Atlanta, BET’s Boomerang follows Jacqueline Boyer’s (Robin Givens) son, Bryson, and Marcus and Angela Graham’s daughter, Simone and their tight-knit group of friends they attempt to step out of their parents’ shadows to create their own legacies. However, as all millennials know—careers, friendships, and love lives aren’t easily balanced. Young, fresh, and sensual the series has an aura of authenticity around it, which Martin credits to his close bond with his castmates.

“It’s very rare that you get a group of people like the six that we’ve got together,” the former financial advisor said. “Everybody gravitated toward each other from 22

jump street. There were no egos. It was more of a family feel. We got together, and we started getting to know each other right off the bat. We made it a point to make sure that we got to know each other so that we could start to develop that chemistry.

You see it on the screen because we’re really friends. We really hang out. We built that.”

Boomerang is a true ensemble show giving each character time in the spotlight. “Pride” centers around Ari as he struggles to find his footing in his career. In the episode, he also addresses a former lover who tries to shame him for his queer identity.

From what Martin implies, there are many layers to Ari, and they are only just starting to be revealed. “I would love to see how Ari expands as a professional,” Martin said thoughtfully. “We saw a little bit of it in “Pride” when he saves the day as far as his directing is concerned and starts to move forward in that vein.

I would love to see where he goes as far as his craft.”

When it came to stepping into his character and truly understanding what made Ari tick, the alaskaLand actor did not approach the task lightly. After all, Ari is one of the only modern depictions of a young, sexually fluid Black man on television. “There was a lot to talk about who the character was, how the character looked, how exactly was the character unapologetic, and in what ways and things like 23

that,” Martin revealed. “Dime Davis was very instrumental when it came to crafting the pilot episode and the flow of the show from the beginning. All of us sat down with her and with Lena and discussed who these people were, and we started to craft the look of Ari. In the beginning, we were still making decisions. Does Ari have dreads? Does Ari have twists? What’s Ari’s style like?

That type of thing. It was very much a

It takes something distinct to be able to display the type of sexuality that Ari has on screen and to be able to do it in a way that respects the LGBTQ community and to do in a way that has class and is true to the character. collaborative effort as far as his identity.”

Standing in Ari’s shoes each week has also allowed Martin to reflected inward on himself, and how he’s grown both as a man and an actor. “I’ve grown in more than one respect with Boomerang,” he reflected. “I realize how fearless of an actor I am. It takes something distinct to be able to display the type of sexuality that Ari has on screen and to be able to do it in a way that respects the LGBTQ community and to do in a way that has class and is true to the character. I’ve really seen through this role that I’m an active actor and that I’m open to 24

tackling all types of challenges. I’ve really grown in just seeing myself. Ari’s one of those roles where I look in the mirror, and I say, ‘Wow, I’m proud of you for that.’”

In addition to acting —watching Lena Waithe and reflecting on Halle Berry’s meteoric career has only motivated Martin to strive for more. “I couldn’t ask for better mentors,” he said. “I couldn’t ask for better bosses. I really feel cared about. I still speak a lot with Lena even outside of the set. It’s a relationship that I know I can go back to for any advice that I need. Lena makes it very, very clear that she’s here for us. Whatever endeavors that we may have, she’s here to give us advice. With her being as well established of a writer and a producer as she is I definitely plan on picking her brain. She’s an open book. It’s very much a family feel on that set.”

Still, Martin’s passions aren’t just in entertainment. He also works as a volunteer with the Penny Lane Foundation with teens transitioning out of the foster care system. “Part of the reason I love playing Ari is because I get to say something,” he emphasized. “It’s not just your normal, typical role. There are people that are seeing themselves in this role, and that’s so important to me. Working in group homes, I see so many changed lives. These are kids who have had a huge disadvantage in life.

They’re actually able to come to us to get help. We don’t win in every case, but there are a lot of cases where you had a lot of lives turned around. Kids would catch up on their high school credits. It’s a last stop shop before you’re out there in the real world. We catch you right before you’re 18 and try to give you as much opportunity as we can so you can make it out in this world.”

With his role in Boomerang thrusting him into the spotlight in the middle of the ongoing Black renaissance in Hollywood —Martin hasn’t even begun to step on the gas yet. “I wanna just be a part of it, to be honest with you,” he admitted. “I want to be a part of that wave, just like I am right now with Boomerang, but even more so. I would love to work with Issa Rae or John Singleton or Antoine Fuqua — all of these wonderful Black people that are doing this great work. I would love to be a part of that wave in general, any bit of it that I can be a part of -- I’m chomping at the bit for.”

Boomerang airs Tuesdays at 10 PM on BET and has just renewed for a second season.

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Too Yellow To Be Blue By: Chandler Jay

A Book Excerpt 26

Dedicated to a life of love without shape or form; for those that dream while awake and sleep on the floor underneath the bed. My grandmother and Logan.

FOREWORD BIRTH OF RAGE It hadn’t dawned upon me until this very moment that my white friends came over to my house not to visit or to see how I was doing; but rather a shortstop on their tour of New York, the city so nice they named it twice. Here I was thinking that it was the essence of my existence and my rhythmic manner of speaking that kept their interest, this was, however, a mindset shared by the parents or elder white folks, not their kids. See their kids grew up in what conservatives love to refer to as a “postracial state”. This means two things: First that Caucasians had “founded” Hip-Hop in a dorm room at Weinstein Hall at NYU. Immediately making Rick Rubin and Russell Simmons living statements that White people and Black people can not only get along but work together in harmony, no pun intended; insofar as to say that collectively indoctrinating Afro-American culture should nip any talks of bigotry in the bud. The second scenario is school related making it so that instead of taking another course on the history of Americans or Western Civilizations, they were made to take a class where the history of all of the Native Civilizations from around the world are smashed together into one hour and at the most only meet at the mot twice a week. Courses where the deaths of these Natives are glorified so that perchance there are any descendants present, they could feel as if they were being paid a homage whether it be blatant or indirect. Take “The Battle at Wounded Knee” for example, the one documented occurrence when the Natives successfully protected their land, but to no achievement of the Iroquois, in fact, the exact opposite, it is in books as the bad decisions made by a power-driven Colonel Mustard. Or the Mayans at Tenochtitlan when the Spaniards came on horseback and burned all of their histories to ash. The Africans when the British sailed in. All the while explaining not a bit of why it is relevant to learn about these mass genocides, or why it’s relevant to pay these descendants of these Natives (i.e. all parties present in the room) some respect.

Ultimately being taught pedagogically, that the lives of the savage and uncivilized were similar to the lifespan of a wilted flower, no hope from the start; somehow someway always flipping it and saying how nice it is that we can all go to the same schools and look at how far we have all come. Blah blah. Apparently what must be, is or something like that.

Now that I’ve got “it”, I’m actually relieved. Relieved that from this point on I no longer have to dance around notions that I know to be true. What is, will ne; what was caused now, but no one person can be to blame. Despite of all, however, and without making an excuse allow me to tell you why I, my friend, am Too Yellow to Be Blue.

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SHAKTIBARRE You haven’t been to an empowering fitness class until someone’s crying on their mat. Happy tears of joys of course! Founded in 2016, the yoga and dance inspired workouts are making their mark, one snatched waist line at a time. But what sets this studio apart from others is the genuine bond each teacher has with their clients. The co-founder of SHAKTIBARRE Corinne Wainer tells me that there’s a science behind - wait for it- the act of listening when attending an SB workout. This lost people skill is what creates SHAKTIBARRE’s authentic experience. Clients come in and have all types of issues going on in their day. “It’s really up to the instructors to listen and monitor everyone’s body language,” says Wainer. There are instructors who will be all up in your grill, push you to do one more crunch and then there are some that will dim the lights, turn on their Drake playlist and spend all class time talking about the path notes to a better self. Whoever’s class you’re in, expect to sweat, feel the burn, and leave empowered.

SHAKTIBARRE is place to swing by before a first date to see who’s hanging out.

A place to go when you just need to workout to avoid whatever life is throwing at you. Basically, if you have a membership, it’s like a cafe but make it fitness. Which brings me to my next point, the brand aims to make their classes affordable through a program called “sliding-scale,” a much more sophisticated term to use instead of saying, broke phi broke, we ain’t got it!

But let’s get one thing straight. SHAKTIBARRE isn’t focused on serving Janet - the girl who comes to get her workout in with no teacher interaction, is then handed a coconut water, barely making eye contact with anyone before bolting out the door on her way to her next appointment. Wainer, as well as staff members of the community ( shoutouts to @jessicaelaine_1821, @stretchwithbetch @shauny_lamba) want to serve the client who is there to not only get a workout in, but also help build up other aspects of her life. Want to learn about Ayrevedic food, book a 15 - minutes session with SHAUNY, the other co founder who has a decade worth of yoga teacher experience. Each location is designed in their own neighborhoody -way.

There’s always a jar of palo santos sticks and amethyst crystals at the front desk to purchase in all locations. With studios in Harlem, Williamsburg, Dumbo, and soon to be classes in Los Angeles ( starting July 1, yay!), SHAKTIBARRE is building an authentic community of empowered women on and off the mat. Go inside me and Corinne’s phone conversation.

VSZ: You’ve been in business for a few years now, what has stayed the same?

Corinne Wainer: What has stayed the same is my insatiable interest in supporting barre and yoga as tools that are so much more than a workout. When used mindfully, 29

they initiate a very powerful work-IN too. As we strengthen our outer landscape, we explore our worlds within.

VSZ: I know people are gonna want to know, so what exactly is the SHAKTIBARRE method?

CW: SHAKTIBARRE's signature sequence tones, lengthens, and awakens your body and mind in our unique yoga-barre workout combining isometric ballet movements with vinyasa flow, chakra activation, and empowering meditation.

VSZ: How often do you recommend doing these workouts for a bangin’ body?

CW: This depends on a student’s goals; if they are in a body maintenance phase then likely 2-3 times per week, if a muscle toning phase than typically 3-4, and in a fat loss phase they’d add a few SHAKTIHIIT cardio classes and come about 4 times/week.

VSZ: What are your favorite songs to play during class?

CW: You can follow our music profile on Spotify — be sure to search the SHAKTIBARRE user profile itself. What you’ll find is a lot of activating, enigmatic, inspiring, and eclectic tunes.

VSZ: What's your go-to self-care routine?

CW: The most important 2 aspects to my self-care are a deep and delightful morning routine (water, walking outdoors, yoga-barre, Kundalini meditation, a check in with my heart, strategic to-do list, and healthy breakfast) and asking myself and others in every moment to tell the truth radically.

VSZ: What’s up with the LA pop-ups?

LA pop ups can be find at shaktibarre.com or in our @shaktibarre bio link, and there are 11/classes per week starting July 1 across 2 sister studios — one in Santa Monica and one in Echo Park.

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Get Fit With @GENNYMACK I am Genail Porter (also known as Genail McKinley), a recent bride as of June 2019. Yaaassss! I am a Lupus Warrior, Corporate Queen, Group Fitness Instructor and Plant-Based, Whole-Foods Lover.

I would like to share my story on how I discovered my disease and fight it every day by living an active, healthy lifestyle while juggling a corporate lifstyle and my fitness side-hustle.

Here’s the synopsis. I was diagnosed with Lupus in October 2017. For those unfamiliar with this condition, it is an autoimmune disease that mistakenly attacks healthy tissues and organs, such as the skin, kidneys, brain and lungs, in my case. Upon my diagnosis, I had a huge “flare”, felt fatigued, extremely achy with swollen ankles and knees (the size of golf balls), and felt like I had pneumonia. This was tough news to digest as an avid workout junkie. It meant that I had to conform to the American medical lifestyle.

I had to take prescription drugs to manage my disease. This included taking steroids (the infamous “prednisone”), which sometimes felt like more harm was done to 31

a tough disease to manage but I had loads of support from my mother, as she also was diagnosed with Lupus during her childbearing years.

Fast-forward a few months, I ‘managed to manage the disease’ enough to skip the sick days and come into work M-F. As an established financial consultant working at the #1 accounting firm in the world, I had to keep my focus on my career while keeping my battle on the hush. I was presented with the opportunity to live and work in India for three months. I contemplated long and hard about this work opportunity.

I could not pass it up. I would be living rent and expense free for three months. Plus, I would be able to say that I lived and worked in two foreign countries and enrich my global acumen. Quick side note, I lived in London from 2014-2016 and met and fell in love with Mr. Porter. He is a blessing and is truly supportive. Anyways, I decided to take on this experience and packed up two suitcases to depart from NYC to Bangalore, India on January 5, 2018.

When I arrived in India, I was beyond excited! I loved the bustling city, colorful clothing, animal kingdom and “veg” options. The Ayurveda culture would be perfect to manage my disease, I thought. Each morning, I’d wake up, drink a fresh “ABC” (apple, beet, carrot juice) and eat a Dosa. It was fantastic. But this thrill did not last long.

One morning, I couldn’t get out of bed. Then the next morning I couldn’t get out of bed. As soon as I knew it, my lupus was flaring up again, but this time, it felt like I was having a heart attack! I lasted in India 2.5 months battling ailments every day, such as fevers, extreme chest pain, weird facial and body swelling and drastic weight loss, to name a few. I saw six local doctors and was demanded to return back home to America to receive “proper” medical treatment. My sister, Gobeail, came to India to rescue me on my job’s dime. The least they could do was get me out of there in first class with my day one. What a saving grace!

I returned home March 18, 2018 and decided to be under the supervisory care of my mother. Also, what an Angel! She knew I was “not right” and rushed me to the hospital, where I was immediately admitted for care. I was malnourished. I lost 30 lbs.

I also had “kidney nephritis”, this is what Selena Gomez and Nick Cannon battled. I was scared. After 3 weeks in the hospital at UPenn, and being told to protect myself from the sun, I finally was able to come home and start over. Sigh.

I decided to write daily and write down my gratitude and goals. I told myself that I wanted to be the healthiest person I could be. I would not let fear conquer me. So, I took it slow. I went on a 3-month work disability leave to start fresh. I ate “cleaner”, which mean I cut out processed and non-digestible foods, including meat, dairy and added sugars. I slowly got back into the gym, did strength and cardiorespiratory 32

training and felt stronger than ever.

So today, I am leaps and bounds ahead and have found ways to manage Lupus the best way I can. I invested in a fancy juicer. I love to eat vegetables, fruits, grains, and beans. It’s an adventure to find creative ways to eat these delicious foods. I juice daily and have my ABC juice before eating a hearty breakfast, like oats. I just subscribed to a vegetable share and eat what is in season. I exercise 3-5 times a week and ALWAYS listen to my body when I need a rest. I found a way to live my best life while teaching others how to conform to a healthy lifestyle through fitness. I am also excelling in my career and was promoted through all this as an Executive Director in the summer of 2018!

The truth is, I have bad days but mostly good days because of what I learned over the years. I use prednisone only when I am feeling terrible but I mostly fight Lupus by eating clean and exercising. I have learned that life is about trial and error and finding the best way to sustain and balance. My three life lessons learned are: 1.

Start early. Set your alarm before the sun comes up and use that time in the morning for YOU. 2.

Eat whole foods that come from the ground. Eat foods with less than five ingredients (go for the single ingredient if you can). It is better for your body.

3.

Stay close to those who support you. With this, your network can also “work” in your best interest.

Here is a quick recipe that I am currently excited about. Carrot-Top Pesto! Use the greens from the top of the carrot bunch. Blanche the carrot greens in hot water. Mix with fresh garlic, sea salt, olive oil, almond milk (optional) and toasted almonds (optional). Blend. Enjoy on pasta (zoodles), salads and bread! Follow my journey on IG @gennymack.

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Teach Me How To Love By: Naria Symone

A Self -Care Secret for Girls Learning to Love “Will you marry me?”

The words evaporated in the crisp beach wind. His knee planted firmly on a sandy sidewalk along Barceloneta Beach. A ring box appeared out of thin air as we were cheered on by onlookers from an unassuming beach bar. Excitement jolted through my fingertips and my hands shook as he fit me with the perfect ring. I knelt down to meet his eye and mimicked his posture as my knees weakened. “Is this for real?” (was he sure?) His answer conveyed an absolute certainty that was foreign to me, and in that moment, it was all I never knew I wanted.

My body leaping into his arms. My mind lost in the present. It was the safest I had ever felt. It lasted for only seconds.

I said, “Yes,” - of course - and relished in the engagement secret for a few days before returning home to the States. It’s a transition I wish came with a manual.

I shared the news with my family who congratulated me with mixed emotions - well wishes and support with an undertone of caution. I could taste the bitterness of failed marriages past. Wedding planning started almost immediately and together we walked hand-in-hand down the road less travelled.

“How’s wedding planning?”

Well, besides being the hardest, most convoluted, expensive and overwhelming project of my life… I’m only capable of providing false reassurance: “It’s going well… so excited.”

For a PR professional who plans events for a living and manages multi-million dollar budgets, I was convinced my Google Drive of workback plans, budgets and New York City event spaces held all of the answers. My plan was to approach this like a client -- build a manageable timeline and tick the boxes until October 2019. However, six months in and I clearly underestimated the emotional toll, the pervasive selfdoubt, and pressure to define and meet perfection. Above all, I underestimated the perfect internal storm a wedding would cause with the uttering of, “Y-e-s.”

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*** My new friends may describe me as guarded. My family says I’m headstrong and unemotional. My childhood friends may opt for passionate. Work claims I love the details and I’m thoughtful to a fault. My fiancé says I’m reserved.

It’s clear... no one knows exactly how I feel about anything.

To be honest, a proposal for marriage did not carry with it the, “Prayers answered,” sentiment I saw in movies. In fact, it was more like being launched into a dunk tank of emotions - you know the ending is inevitable but it doesn’t prepare you for the surprising plunge. Overwhelmed, I did the only thing that felt natural. I threw my entire self into work and wedding planning - a perfect distraction from the emotional labor I had avoided my entire life.

Wedding planning quickly became a symbolic bridge for all of my once distinct worlds I maneuvered through: Immediate family. Close friends. Local friends.

Extended family. Work. Colleagues. His family. His friends. Him. Me. And as it became increasingly difficult to do anything alone, I realized just how hard it was for me to be vulnerable, ask for help, express myself, trust others and manage expectations. I was suffocating from discomfort as I attempted to manage my wedding as a job while avoiding the “distractions” of feeling excited, fearful or simply confused.

Questions about future life plans and long-term commitments made me nauseous.

Was this normal?

I was drawn to therapy in this chapter for a set of unique circumstances. I felt it necessary to go on this journey with my fiancé, to have the skills to share my fears subconsciously, I think I wanted to warn him that I may not be the marrying type and give him a vehicle to rescind his offer. I also hoped therapy would help me manage my emotions with family and set boundaries given the fact that I have fractured relationships with my parents who are divorced and was having a difficult time expressing authentic emotion.

I’ll confess that I’ve prided myself on not needing many close relationships and thought I’d figured out the key to happiness as keeping enough emotional distance to not fully feel real disappointment, betrayal and sadness. I’d like to point out the irony of actively avoiding emotional vulnerability while planning a celebration of the ultimate expression of vulnerability - love.

My therapist challenged my approach by ending our last session with an overview 35

Comfort and minimalism with a subtle architectural inspiration.

- Andrea Iyamah, Head Designer.

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of Attachment Styles: They say during your formative years (i.e., infancy) that the interactions you have with your caregiver(s) have an overwhelming influence on your development. It’s these interactions that form the foundation of your expectations for how capable people are of meeting your needs and form your unique emotional blueprint for how you perceive all relationships.

If you believe this psychological theory, there is an unprecedented amount of responsibility on all parents out there who will solely shape the attachment style and inevitably the dynamics of their child’s long-term and short-term interpersonal relationships for the foreseeable future.

So, quite literally, “Parents, don’t fuck up”.

Being the overachiever I am, I’ve spent hours researching Attachment Styles and made a proof-positive self-diagnosis that has me taking a good, hard look at every relationship I’ve encountered from friends and colleagues to past lovers and family.

Not only am I in a dark hole recounting friends lost, but I’m trying to piece together how we got here. When did avoidance become my drug of choice?

My early childhood is a blur to be honest. I remember not much at all… and I don’t recall if the hazy memories I do have are real or fictional reels of someone else’s accounts of my first few years in Colorado. I can make out a few memories of playing video games with my father, a window that exposed fireworks on the 4th of July and tantrums I would throw if I didn’t get my way. Those are unfortunately my most vivid accounts -- a headstrong toddler who would get sent to my room and lash out by screaming, locking myself in and throwing my toys against the door. A single child who found protection in a throne of loneliness.

My mom attributes my temper to my birth sign, but whether or not I was predestined to be widely independent and temperamental, I started to think about how and why my 3-year-old self would choose to handle disappointment in such a defensive way. What happened in my infancy that influenced these behaviors? What stories will I never recall?

Now if we add a healthy dose of life’s trials and tribulations, top that with trauma from years of abuse, the dysfunction meter skyrockets. By the time I graduated high school, I’d learn that friendships and family bonds are disposable, that disappointment is inevitable and the only trust I can rely on is my own cognizance.

School and eventually work would become my obsession as I latched on to the controlled nature of a cause-and-effect authority figure. If I study, I make good grades - those grades allow me freedom in my college choice and career - that career defines my life, where I move and who I meet - if I work hard, my success will 37

manifest itself into money - that money will give me ultimate freedom to keep... running away.

Therapy was my saving grace in college as I struggled with PTSD and social anxiety.

Successfully coming out on the other side of that depression made me think I was equipped with the skill sets I would need to navigate all of life. I stopped therapy after college, prioritized a variety of self care regimens that carried me through the next 8 years: pilates, yoga, meditation, affirmations, self-care apps, mediation circles, Buddhism, wine weekends, girls trips, bi-weekly pedicures, podcasts, book clubs, veganism. These activities introduced me to new communities, brought a sense of joy and freedom, but they lacked permanence in my hectic life, driven by work and endless to-do lists.

I’d been running for 29 years and metaphorically for eternity, as I carry the trauma of generations who were running before me.

Love, however, stopped me dead in my tracks.

I found true, honest, unconditional love that began to challenge my core beliefs of what humans are capable of. And as my tireless independence was being confronted by a request for a lifelong commitment to partnership, I felt my detached nature trying to silence the immense joy and pleasure I was experiencing in fear that it may disappear. Could love be powerful enough to rewire my core? ts who are divorced and was having a difficult time expressing my joy, needs and wants.

My return to traditional therapy unlocked a treasure trove of feelings I’d buried deep within. Scheduling time to feel has revealed to me that my guardedness is not predestined but instead a survival hack that once kept me safe. I unequivocally need the love, support and acceptance of others. Most importantly, I deserve and am worthy of love and security, and I do not need to consume myself in work as a distraction to building intimacy with others.

Most importantly, I’ve been learning that despite my juvenile emotions, I am capable of giving and receiving love. It’s the seed of love my future husband planted in me five years ago and watered with faith, that has inspired an awakening within. Shedding my rough exterior patched by traumas is the scariest, most liberating experience of my life.

My self care routine was once filled with habits that brought me doses of peace. That peace, however, was fleeting. I now define self care as a perpetual state of accepting love that nurtures me and slowly unravels the damage that once was.

To live life emotionally detached is to rob yourself of its beauty. Choose love.

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Digital rights are human rights as well By: Melissa Henderson Where is the social invisible hand for acts of revenge porn and harassment? Here I am again, two years later to remind you about the dangers of revenge porn. I’m not about to downplay how dangerous social media has become for people who get off on bullying , harassing, acting like assholes to whoever they want. In Issue 2 of VSZ, Sanity Addiction Part 1 takes the reader on a journey of sex, drugs and hiphop shenanigans and has this emotional climatic ending that leaves readers wanting to know more about revenge porn. Since publishing the story in 2016, friends and colleagues have approached me with questions and have even filed their own lawsuits against revengeful exes. The truthfulness of the story made it go viral and leave people with many more questions. According to a PEW Study published in 2017, 41% of Americans have been personally subjected to harassing behavior online, and an even larger share (66%) have witnessed these behaviors directed at others. But. if you see something, say something! Use the report button. As we become more connected by wires and less connected by physical interactions, people seem to think that what happens online shouldn’t have offline consequences; that online threats and harsh language somehow aren’t as harmful as sticks and stones. The power lies in educating ourselves on what constitutes harmful, criminal internet interactions.

The power lies with our lawmakers to protect the rights of their constituents. The power lies with victims — and witnesses — of revenge porn telling their stories evoke change which allow us all to live more free.

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The Case For Stricter Revenge Porn Laws and Why We Need To Protect Ourselves & Our Children From The Dark Web By: Melissa Henderson

An in-depth interview with Law Grad Annie Seifullah from C.A. Goldberg, a law firm that fights against the assholes, psychos, pervs and trolls who think they can get away with revenge porn, bullying and online harassment.

VSZ: Congrats on graduating law school this year! What an accompliment. What type of work are you focused on at C.A. Goldberg?

Annie Seifullah: Our work is focused on Victims Rights. We concentrate on the areas of sexual privacy, gender-based discrimination and gender-based violence. Our firm owner, Carrie Goldberg, was essentially the first lawyer in the country to specialize in helping victims of revenge porn aka cyber sexual assault.

VSZ: This is such important work that you are doing. And it’s crazy to think that the law is JUST catching up with the harsh realities of today’s internet culture.

What made you join C.A. Goldberg ?

AS: My story feels like a weird fairy tale, honestly. I was the victim of a very vicious and very public act of revenge porn. (Like, front page of the New York Post level 41

of vicious and public). I lost my job and my professional reputation that I spent a decade building. Carrie was my attorney in a federal gender discrimination case that I brought against my employer, which ended in winning a settlement. At the same time I was fighting my own battle, I was putting myself through law school and learning how to be an anti-violence advocate. When I graduated, Carrie offered me a place at her firm. I feel very lucky to be working on this side of the fight.

VSZ: Wow. It must have been tough but you came out on top. Respect. The best revenge for women is gettin’ money AND helping others too! How long have you been in this indiutry?

AS: I just started here in March 2019, so I’m brand spanking new. (Although I have five years of experience fighting revenge porn and domestic violence from the victim side, which gives me as much expertise on these matters as the legal education in my humble opinion.)

VSZ: Of course! What’s going on with the current online harassment and revenge porn laws?

AS: So much exciting news here. Most states have passed law criminalizing revenge porn. The current count is 45 states, plus DC, plus one territory (Guam). New York State legislature just passed a law and we are anxiously waiting on Governor Cuomo to sign it.

VSZ: This is major news! When we first covered revenge porn as a topic, there were like 39 states invested in this legislation!

AS: As of May 2019, the Federal revenge porn bill (known as the SHIELD Act, formerly the ENOUGH Act) is being reintroduced for discussion in Congress. It would be so incredible to have a federal statute in place because of all the cases that involve harassment and abuse across state lines. Local police departments are often times not equipped or not willing to help with issues that include anything “cyber” or “digital.” Being able to access federal law enforcement resources could represent a huge improvement for many of our clients.

VSZ: Agreed. Government should definitely mandate education around digital security and social media. What type of cases are you working on now?

AS: You name it, we’ve worked on it! Once Governor Cuomo signs the revenge porn bill in New York State, I imagine that we will see an increase in cases that we able to bring statewide. But we don’t just take New York state cases. We have clients all over the country and even other parts of the world who need help with various issues relating to sexual privacy, cyber harassment, sextortion, gender-based violence and discrimination, and any form of sexual violence and exploitation.

VSZ: I can imagine...being as though it’s so common yet so few resources Revenge 42

porn is HUGE in the urban / hip hop community, check out this interview with Love & Hip Hop Star and Singer Tierra Marie who opened up about her own bout with revenge porn, why are so many situations not challenged?

AS: This is so complicated. Generally, sex and gender-based violence disproportionately affects women, people of color, and LGBT folks. I venture that if this was a problem severely impacting the lives and livelihood of rich, white cis-men our outcomes would be far better.

VSZ: Exactly. It’s so de facto, yet we’re still playing catchup with the laws. Plus victims don’t feel safe telling their story to the law as a victim because they aren’t believed.

AS: So many times, the victim of revenge porn (cyber sex assault) are told that they are at fault for what happened to them. “You shouldn’t have taken those photos” or “If you hadn’t shared that video with him this never would have happened.”

Can you imagine if a rich man walked into a police station and said “I’d like to report a crime. A crazy person stole my Mercedes Benz!” And the police responded, “Well that’s what you get for driving such a fancy car. You were sort of asking for it, am I right?”

IT. WOULD. NOT. HAPPEN. VSZ: It’s also sad that people’s negative opinions come from fear and disregard of human sexual tendencies.

AS: The reason there is a lack of support for victims of revenge porn is tough to pinpoint but is, sadly, predictable and highly intersectional. When a crime primarily affects women and involves sexuality, then women are traditionally blamed. And when you add elements of race, class, sexual orientation or gender expression – folks become even more marginalized. That marginalization shows up in a variety of ways, including lack of support from law enforcement, lack of support from church or family, and even loss of employment opportunities.

(For me, I had support of my local law enforcement because the NYPD actually believed me and arrested my abuser. But the Queens DA declined to prosecute so the case went nowhere. I had tons of support from my church and family. But my employer famously pushed me out, pressured me to resign, and manufactured reasons to justify firing me – hence my federal gender discrimination lawsuit. AND I’M A SYSTEM SAVVY WHITE LADY. Imagine if I was not white, or if I was poor, or if I didn’t speak English well, or if I didn’t have college education? Do you think I would have been afforded opportunities for such a comeback? Obviously, this is a rhetorical question, but the answer is likely, no).

I hear what you’re saying about revenge porn being really prevalent in urban/hip hop communities. I’ve been part of many conversations directed at answering this exact 43

question and dilemma. And I’m sure there are all sorts of folks who would like to blame the problem on Hip Hop culture’s history of misogyny. But you and I both know that misogyny did not spring out of Hip Hop. And women of color are more likely to be blamed or completely ignored when they are victims of sex crimes due to the racism and sexism embedded in cultures of power.

VSZ: As a philosophical question, why are people so indulgent in gossip, public

But you and I both know that misogyny did not spring out of Hip Hop. And women of color are more likely to be blamed or completely ignored when they are victims of sex crimes due to the racism and sexism embedded in cultures of power. humiliation?

AS: I wish I knew the answer to this question. Having been the target of gossip and public humiliation myself, I think that most people just aren’t aware of the real damage that it causes. People are cruel online in a way that they just aren’t cruel in real life circumstances.

Working with victims of various walks of life has taught me that after experiencing public and humiliating trauma, people often develop a sense of empathy and kindness towards others that they did not have before. I think if more people had a moment to feel the pain and unfairness of being publicly judged and humiliated – there would be less of it in the world.

VSZ: Around 2013/2014… You’ve experienced revenge porn which has ultimately inspired you to become a lawyer… How was the current socio-political climate back then compared to now?

AS: The climate right now is slightly more sympathetic to victims, although we still have a long way to go. Five years ago, when I was a school principal and photos of me in my underwear were published in the New York Post the general vibe was “How can you be an educator after your students have seen those photos?!” Compare that to two months ago, when Long Island teacher Lauren Miranda was fired after her topless photo was publicly distributed. If you take a scan of the headlines, you’ll see that the public perception and outcry is far more sympathetic towards her having those photos and I am glad for her that she seems to be getting a better treatment by the public at large.

I am hopeful that some of the work Carrie and our network of activist warriors have done over the last five years helped to make the climate better for victims like Lauren Miranda. We still have a long way to go.

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VSZ: What do you know now as a professional lawyer in this line of work as opposed to what you didn’t know back then when you were deep in shit?

AS: Oh girl, the things I WISH I KNEW. I was being abused, extorted, manipulated, stolen from, gaslighted. The list goes on. At the time I just thought, this is a mean guy and a bad relationship and after we breakup we will both move on with our lives.

I thought, this is just what happens in some relationships. I was so wrong! He was a criminal, committing abusive and illegal acts against me. And I thought because I wasn’t perfect that I somehow deserved it.

VSZ: The feelings are mutual.

AS: I wish that I had called a lawyer or reached out to women’s rights group or a victim’s support network or His greatest ANYTHING before he made good on his threats to make weapon against my private photos public. His greatest weapon against me was my silence. I stayed quiet because I was ashamed. me was my The public figure that I was (smart, strong, good leader) silence. was completely out of line with who I was in my personal relationship and I was not speaking the truth out loud, not asking for help out loud, like I should have been. The only thing I can hope is that The only thing I can hope is women will hear my story and speak out and stand up to their abusers sooner than that women will hear my story I did. and speak out and stand up to

their abusers sooner than I did.

VSZ: Exactly. After I told my story was published in the UK Daily Mail, I felt a little ashamed because the way the writer framed it. But then a few women in my network started telling me their stories and why colleague even pressed chargers on an exe because she read my story! So that made me feel powerful and also cope with the after effects. What challenges / issues are KEY to protecting women’s rights online?

AS: Legal scholar Danielle Citron has been publishing some really good work lately about technological due process and the need for an online bill of rights to protect people’s civil rights in the digital world. The rise of the internet is something that the founding fathers and civil rights leaders in our country’s history could never have predicted. Citron’s arguments that new times call for new civil rights is really compelling.

Part of the real difficulty is that most reasonable people understand that the internet and online behavior needs to be regulated in a way that it isn’t currently being regulated. But most of the people making the decisions are tech executives -- or decision makers and advocacy organizations that get money and funding from Big Tech. The people who are targeted the most with online violence are women, queer folks, and people of color. So it requires constant and loud activism and storytelling to draw attention to protecting people’s rights online.

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VSZ: I’ve talked to a leading women’s activist group, who are also focused on the changing laws, about online responsibility… They believe tech companies are responsible for revenge porn bad behavior/trafficking/etc because tech companies own the platform and therefore should know how it works… Thoughts on this?

AS: Tech companies absolutely have a responsibility. Are you familiar with Section 230 of the Communication Decency Act? Most people are not familiar, and I think for anyone to be an activist or commentator in this space – it’s an absolute must read.

Photo Illustration (Haime Luna/The Tico Times)

VSZ: Ah ohh!!

AS: In short: when the internet was a baby, Congress passed Section 230 as a way to protect internet providers from liability for any injuries (such as defamation) that happened on tech platforms. That law was meant to protect tech companies so that they could innovate and grow without the threat of massive lawsuits being thrown at

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them. Fast forward to 2019 and tech giants like Google and Facebook suffer no legal consequences for injuries that happen on their platforms – even injuries that they know about and have the ability to stop. The law needs to be revisited.

Every industry in this country faces liability for injuries that happen because of defective products. Why is the technology industry completely exempt?

VSZ: This is what I am trying to understand. The Facebook Trials really put the company in the spotlight. Also our elected officials back then were super illiterate when it came to tech and because they were not even active and engaged.

The internet was used by “women to blog about homemaker stuff ” and used by millennials for social media. Do you have working relationships with Facebook / Instagram / Twitter executives?

AS: Let’s put it this way. If a client is being stalked, harassed or revenge porn-ed on any of the major platforms, Carrie just picks up the phone.

VSZ: Have you ever gotten an account removed?

AS: Yes! We are highly skilled at the “DMCA Takedown” and other methods of getting bad accounts and content removed from online. Victims should contact us if they need help.

VSZ: What other activism have you and your firm lead?

AS: Currently we are working to draw attention to the fact that there is one (that’s right ONE) Title IX coordinator for the entire New York City Department of Education. That means there is one person whose job it is to monitor and report sex assaults and gender-based violence in a school district with 1.1 million school children.

Young black girls are among the most vulnerable in NYC public schools. We have been working hard on behalf of victims (again, young black girls) who have reported sex assault to school officials and then, instead of being supported – they are punished. These cases are some of our most gut wrenching and heart breaking especially because of the age and vulnerability of these young women who bravely report the violence they suffered and then are further victimized by the systems and people that should be protecting them. We put our whole hearts into these cases and plan to continue our activism on this important issue.

Interesting anecdote: A couple weeks ago, Carrie went to testify at a city council hearing about the problem of DOE only having one Title IX coordinator. After the DOE officials gave their statements and answered a few questions, they got up and WALKED OUT of the hearing while Carrie and student-victims told their stories of poorly handled sexual assault cases in schools. Literally the people in charge of keeping these children safe packed up their stuff and walked out the door during the time allotted for student testimony. It literally makes me sick. It’s as if they don’t even care to pretend that they are concerned with making things better for victims 47

within the school system.

VSZ: Are you fucking kidding me? That’s the worst possible responsive these girls need. It just goes back to the notion that black women aren’t valued in this society. We are looked at as either a piece of meat or dishonest and not truthful.

The education system is a mess!

VSZ: If you and your firm could be a part of Federal Committee for Online Social Interactions, briefly name 1-2 guidelines that should be included in the inaugural legislation…?

AS: 1. Update or abolish Section 230 of the CDA so that tech companies are open to liability for ignoring abuses that occur on their platforms.

VSZ: What coping mechanisms do you recommend to someone who has had an act of revenge porn committed on them?

AS: Such an important question. Carrie and I both subscribe to the belief that helping people is the best form of therapy.

In my second year of law school, when I was still being relentlessly shamed by the New York City media and the NYC DOE, I felt so hopeless and ashamed and alone.

And when I started volunteering at the NYC Anti-Violence Project it was like a black cloud lifted off of me. People warned me that working with other victims would make me feel “triggered” and upset. However, the exact opposite was true for me.

Speaking to others, sharing stories and hearing that other people went through made me feel normal. It helped me speak louder about details that I had never spoken about. It helped me realize that the abuses I suffered were not my fault but the fault of a bad person who meant to hurt me. And it helped me by taking the obsessive thoughts off of myself and shifting into being an advocate for others. Many of whom suffered far worse abuses than I had. Not that it’s a competition for who suffered more. It was more like a broadened perspective and purpose outside of my own thinking and experience.

I strongly recommend to people who have been victimized to start talking. Reach out to support networks and become part of the movement. You don’t have to speak publicly either. Organizations like BADASS Army fiercely protect the privacy of their group members.

Anyone who needs to get connected with these support communities can contact us. This is Carrie’s life work, and now it’s my life’s work. We love turning victims into warriors.

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Building Communities Online By: Melissa Henderson

How To Make Friends As An Adult To navigate the online space is like choosing designer clothes from the Goodwill. You have to bypass the trash to get to the good stuff and that’s basically how the internet has become.

A pile of trash with a few diamonds in the rough. It’s no wonder that private communities on Facebook, Youtube and TikTok are mobilizing, motivating and puting women and non-binary POC on game. Building long lasting relationships as an adult is becoming easier if you’re open to it. Groups like Black Girls Therapy on Facebook easily have over 50k members and provide a safe space to share personal traumas, inquiries and concerns about life, love and careers. It’s operating under the assumption that plenty of people have been in your place, why waste money on trying to do it yourself with little guidance.

I met Alexandria Butler in another online group, but we really connected through her online Facebook group called “Sista Circle: Black Women in Tech,” a space that unites black women in the tech industry and provides fellowship to other women who are either transitioning into tech careers or wish to do so. I’ve watched it grow from 50 members to now over 5,000 members in the last two years Go inside our interviews with three of our favorite online and in- person all female led communities.

VSZ: What made you create the Sista Circle Facebook group?

Alexandria Butler: Sista Circle: Black Women in Tech started in my Oakland apartment in April 2017. I have been in the tech industry my whole adult career and never had a group of Black women of all ages to support me as a professional.

I initially started the group to build relationships with some Black women who could help me navigate my career. But I realized very quickly that this group could be something so much more. As the group increased, so did my mission. It was no longer just about people building relationships. It became apparent that tech companies needed to know that we exist and needed to create a space for us to be ourselves. Therefore, I started partnering with tech companies to produce events that catered to the needs of the women in the group such as negotiation tips, brand building and mentorship. Also, our collective power as tech industry professionals is transformative. I made it my mission to partner with Black owned business for our event vendors and we produce an annual holiday gift guide highlighting Black owned businesses throughout the world! It is important that while we support each other in tech, we also find ways to support the greater Black community.

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VSZ: So funny because my sister told me about this group like it was a secret she didn’t want to let anyone in on her newfound resource for jobs! LOL I was like, yes I know this group. With that being said, can you share any success stories.

AB: Job Opportunities: We have many people in the group who ask for job referrals at tech companies and advice on how to succeed in a particular interview. We also have many people receiving job offers because of connections in the group. One specific example involves a content writer from New York. She wrote in the group that she was very interested in an opportunity at Facebook in her field. We have someone in the group that specifically works in that department at Facebook. She referred her to the job and spent some time with her on the phone to give her an understanding of the team culture. Fast forward - she received the offer and started working at Facebook! Both women are now real life friends.

Travel: Many members of our group travel for work to different countries. Often times, they will ask if anyone lives in the area or has connections in the area so the travelers do not have to eat alone for dinner. On numerous occasions, sistas will post selfies in the group of women they have met in different countries. I went to London for work in May 2018 and asked if anyone in the group was available for dinner during my trip. I met with almost 15 women that week for different meals and tea time. It was amazing. Some of these women have become dear friends of mine.

Black women are magical and there is something about us that attracts the best parts of each other. Sista Circle is a great example of this. Regardless of the question or

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concern, these women pour into each other even though they may not know each other personally. It is an honor and a true privilege just to watch Black women be their greatest self in a safe environment.

VSZ: What are your community guidelines to participating in your group?

AB: Our community guidelines are based on the principles of sisterhood, compassion, respect and trust. Therefore, all of our rules in regards to content and postings funnel into these areas. In order for the group to be successful, all members are receiving information and providing information- job opportunities, tips and tricks, mommy advice, relationship advice, food recipes, the list is endless. But Sista Circle does not work unless all members are ready to give and receive. Secondly, we are a safe space. Anything that is shared in the group stays in the group. All of our flagship experiences are not recorded for that reason. We want our speakers to be as candid as they need to be in providing career and personal advice. In order for them to trust us, we do not record our in person conversations. Thirdly, this is not a self promotion group. We want to celebrate your accomplishments and enjoy learning about your new opportunities. But we do not share weekly content from content creators as this is considered spam. There are many members in the group who are content creators and we are in the process of developing a "Content Creator's Database". All of our members will have access to our content creators and can review information about each creator.

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VSZ: Women in this group feel comfortable and safe enough to be vulnerable and that’s huge for POC in “public spaces.” What are some self-care tips for women woking in the tech space?

SB: Self care, regardless of what industry, is a very personal experience and I do think that often times we try to generalize it for everyone. To me, self care is participating in activities that make me feel good which include nail appointments, having a deep conversation with my fiancé, chatting with my mom during my commute to work, dinner with friends, and walking my dog. I am also very aware that one of the reasons why Sista Circle is so transformative is that it is part of my self care routine and the self care routine of our Creative Director, Isa Cespedes. Isa pours her soul into the development of our experiences and her creativity is what makes our in person experiences so innovative and transformative Isa's creativity in event production is part of her self care routine and is her career speciality. Sometimes these things go hand in hand. Building Sista Circle and watching these real friendships form from this online community is part of my self care. The best thing to do this in the tech industry is to prioritize self care in your life. Tech has a way of taking over every moment. Tech employees could easily spend their whole weekend working on our laptops. To carve out specific time to do whatever you want is radical self care in my industry. The hardest part is not only scheduling that time but also creating hard boundaries around that time. If you can find the time and commit to it, then you have the flexibility and the control to decide what to do whatever you want.

I am a strong believer that a happy and satisfied Black woman is a true revolutionary act.

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@TheFourtress_

VSZ: Soo, how long have ya’ll been living together?

Kiara Bass: We've been living with each other since July of 2016. After an apartment hunt in NYC (anyone who lives here know how much of a process this can be) we wound up being roommates. Check out our post on IG that explains it perfectly…. because it’s a lot VSZ: Your content is always so thought-provoking and news oriented. How do you plan out content?

KB: Each meeting we're each required to bring 4 content ideas whether it be an IG post or something that can be executed via stories. From there, we have a content doc where all these ideas live and are organized based on whether these ideas were posted on the page, in the process of being created or posted, or still not used.

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Through our respective roles (found below), we also assist with the editing, creating, and organizing of the ideas.

Kiara Bass - Account Director The glue, from agendas to time management, Kiara makes sure the team is on track.

She calls meetings, arranges the calendar and also falls back on her PR expertise, leaning on her great industry relationships to help grow our following.

Tierra Taylor - Creative Director The creative, though we all contribute content ideas, Tierra brings them to fruition.

She makes graphics pop, is the queen of editing, creates shot lists, and is responsible for the look and design of The Fourtress as a whole.

Candice Elle Frank - Content Director Caption queen, she keeps everyone coming back to the page and is behind the tone you see on The Fourtress. She also handles video with Tierra, manages all content and gives direction for all of our Instagram story content.

London Coleman-Williams - Publicity Director The voice, London handles media relations for The Fourtress. From general outreach and incoming inquiries to creative pitch angles and partnerships, she’s a go to for questions and the gal behind the email.

VSZ: What's one of your self-care tips?

Tierra: End each day meditating. It’s a great way to decompress and prepare yourself for the next day.

Kiara: I've recently started incorporating daily stretching. You don't realize how much tension you may carry in your shoulders or back throughout the day until you stretch and release!

London: One of my favorite self-care practices is to light my candles and say my affirmations at the end of the day, but when something comes up mid-day that stresses me out, I always remember the 10,10,10 rule. I'll ask myself, "how will this affect me in 10 minutes, 10 weeks, even 10 months from now?" Most of the time, whatever issue I'm dealing with is so minute that it won't even matter beyond any of those time frames, so I can tell myself that it's not that serious and move on.

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@NOVELLA

A few years ago, I was invited to a casual all - female writers gathering by a young lady who worked in Vogue’s art department. She connected me to a close colleague that was freelancing and hosting meetups at hotel bars. It was the same year I published Issue 2 of VSZ and I was working long hours at a factory. Needless to say, I needed to be around other writers and that night was magical. I didn’t know these four other young women who were also in attendance but we all were happy to talk about writing and share our most recent work with each other. When I arrived, they had Issue 2 hanging out on the cocktail table because the girl at Vogue gave it to the host of the night! I was so touched. I lost contact with these women but missed the camaraderie. Until Novella’s IG account popped up on VSZ’s newsfeed one day, with a simple bio that read, “A writing club for women.” Cool. I’m down. So I signed up for a Novella reading salon and the rest is in my diary. Co - Founded in 2017 by marketing executive Abby Adesanya, unique social company brings together editorial, marketing and writing enthusiasts who appreciate the art of writing for art sake. Once you’ve started your love affair with Novella, you’ll be smitten by their after-work writing club salons forever. There’s wine, small bites, and lots of conversation about books and good writing, and banter about the latest Shaderoom post. Upon entering the event, you’re given a group name ( often named after female authors, I got “Angelou” in my first salon) so that later on in the activities you meet up with your group to read your writing based the salon’s featured writing prompt.

Everyone get’s a chance to present their new baby writing and hear feedback from their peers. After the breakout group sessions, salon participants come together for a fireside chat with invited guest of the evening. Often, female writers. It’s like a group therapy session. People are there because they want to be there and it feels good. They want to connect with some other dope like-minded women and other non-binary people of color. Sign up for Novella’s email newsletters to find out more information on the next salon or watch live stream on their salon.

Sign up for a salon on www.novella.com or follow @novella on IG for event details.

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BEBOE - Luxury CBD Pen CALMING BLEND Once you try BOBOE, you’ll wonder who else knows about this all-in-one sleek & subtle CBD pen. Itt offers a fast-acting way to help curb anxiety, relieve pain, and reduce inflammation without the dizzying effects of THC. It’s calming blend includes pure hemp-derived CBD with tasty citrus terpenes. The pen contains 500mg of naturally cultivated CBD oil blended with calming essential oils that give you a cooling sensation and plant-derived citrus and grapefruit terpenes. Pair it with a cup of hot tea or a nightcap.

Warning: It is not legal if you are operating a car and you test positive you can be charged with driving under the influence of a controlled substance.

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Sanity Addiction: Rainforest Vibes

based on a true story

I was PMSing when I aimlessly sent an email responding to an opportunity to travel for ten days in South America. But then God stepped in. Within the week, I was transported into a different much slower society than New York, where international tourists travel to Ecuador to participate in soul cleansing activities on a quest to find themselves. I stared out the airplane window until I could see land, dosing off and waking up looking down at amazon rainforest. That was my first glimpse of this beautiful country located right on the equator line. Little did I know, I was on the trip of a lifetime. By the time I got through customs, it was 7pm in the evening, the sun was already setting, and my cab driver told me it would take two hours with traffic to get the 200 year old hotel I was staying the night at which was located in the olde town. When I finally did arrive, the bellhops greeted me at the front doors. They were expecting me. They brought my bags to my junior suite.

The highlight of the room was the golden clawfoot tub that took over nearly the whole marble bathroom. I immediately started to unpack my toiletries and place them on the vanity like I was gonna live there. I placed my chakrub by my pillow.

Now it felt like home. Aisha, my best friend from back home, insisted I bring this crystal to quell my hoe tendencies. Afterall it was essentially a pleasure tool, bigger than a yoni egg, that was there when I needed to scratch an itch. I was reminded of all of this as soon as I went down to the hotel resturant to meet some business associates for late dinner with the hotel manager.

Dinner was boring. We didn’t have anything in common but the fact that we were in this country together. But then when I locked eyes with a South African gentleman sitting by himself at the table right next to ours, things started to get interesting.

He was uncomfortably staring at me from the moment I sat down. Some time mid way into dinner, the South African fellow got the balls to come to my table and introduce himself to me and the other table guests. “American?” he said. Yes we all replied. Then he turned to me. “Queen, I would love for you to join me at the bar after dinner.” “Sure.” I said blinking slowly to 57

make my fake lashes appear fluttering, pouting my lip with attitude. And then he turned and walked out of the restaurant, vaping casually.

“I wonder if he’s in the oil business??” One of ladies at the table said to break the silence.

Around 11 PM and 2 hours after dinner, me and another woman from my travel group met the South African at the hotel bar. She was there for the company. The three of us took over the bar talking about gauyasa, politics and traveling because this guy was on his way to do Ayahuasca in the Amazon. It was about an 8 hours drive from where we were going and a much lower aptitude. We ordered 5 bottles of wine. It is was well into 4 am when we retired to the bedroom. He followed me to mine. I was only at this hotel for one night and I wanted to use the bathtub. So at 5AM, I took a bath and he watched. “ Go get my chakrub.” I said. It’s the amethyst laying by my pillow.

He dipped it in the bubbles and I felt it on my thigh. *** The next morning I awoke in a panic. I barely got two hours of sleep, knowing I had to be up to catch a transfer to this eco lodge in the rainforest. Me and the girl chilling at the bar both missed it. No one woke us up. Bitches.

I picked up the hotel phone and called her room. “ Sadie, dude, what the fuck happened? How come no one woke us up?!?”

“I don’t know but I called the coordinator and she said the next transfer doesn’t leave until tomorrow. So we’re going to have to take a cab. You got cash?”

“Yes. Meet me downstairs from breakfast.”

“Ok .It’s $200.”

“Ard. Bet.” I hung up the phone and started my mission. This time 7,000

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miles away from home.

I packed my bags in like ten minutes, including my toiletries and the toiletries the hotel left. Me and my colleague met up in the hotel dining room for breakfast. It was a full spread of Spanish omelette fixings, including caviar, which I had to devour in my hungover state of mind.

The South African gentleman joined us too. No he didn’t sleep over, I kicked him out at some point. Turns out he wasn’t staying at our hotel anyway. But he came back to give me a present - a beaded “prayer” bracelet, chocolate mushrooms, a small vial of pure guayusa, and another mini vile to make that makes you sleepy. He said it was good for long flights. For me, these were souvenirs. What a crazy night, but my adventure to the middle of the rainforest was my final destination. ***** “ Buenos dias, Señorita. Como servicios? said the attendant at the concierge desk.

“Buenos Dias. Mi nombre es Coca de La Noche. Estoy quedando en el cuarto 415. Necesito un coche para traslado de Mashpi.”

“Ah Si! Su grupo se fue hace dos horas pasados. No hay coches directo para Mashpi. Pero, tu puedes tomar una cabi allá y un otra en el centro de la pueblo, se llama. Me organizado para tu pf.” “ Si gracias !

Not to mention, I also woke up with the black out blues. Suddenly the shenanigans I escaped from in New York were creeping back up on me and then I felt bad and angry at myself. Was missing my transfer worth it?

I decided to just press pause on those feelings. I wasn’t about to torture myself with thoughts during a five hour drive into the rainforest. So I ate some of that chocolate and stared out the cab window while our driver escalated altitudes by the mile. ****** Around dusk, the van turned on to an unpaved road. We were told we will be on it for 30 minutes before arriving to the eco- lodge. All I know is that

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it got dark pretty quickly. I couldn’t see anything behind me and it wasn’t even nightfall. But when I entered the territory of the rainforest, I was playing by the rainforest rules now. That and at this point, I was definitely tripping.

The lodge was like the building from Jurassic Park. It was mostly glass and dark wood. Everything sustainable and environmentally conscious.

Condenast travel hadn’t even written about this place yet. That’s how exclusive. Upon check in, they told me to avoid flushing toilet tissue.

The hallways were long and dim, like a warehouse. When, I opened my hotel door and the room felt warm and safe.

“Welcome to your home above the clouds,” read a note left on the bed from the hotel manager. I finally made it. , It was the eco lodge of my dreams, 4,000+ feet above sea-level. it took four hours to navigate through all the green terrain of the Andes mountains, windy roads that just kept going around and around. When I finally arrived, I was speechless and couldn’t fully articulate what I was feeling that the rainforest evoked in me. I had been taken by its spirit and I surrendered.

That night, we went on a night hike with the head conservationist. All we had was a small flash light and ourselves for this “hike.” **** The rainforest was so eerily calm for me. At first glance, I saw nothing but green. I didn’t expect a full lion king experience, but there were no animals in sight. I keep telling myself I’m in an enchanted forest, all I need to do is say the magic word to quell my nerves, and when I do I begin to really see, to really be present, be calm, and be observant to the creatures.

A few hours in it, and beings start appearing in my rear view. I started to hear the songs of the colorful hummingbirds,the buzz of huge beetles, hairy spiders on the trees, and multi - color texturized killer caterpillars moving slowing and strategically on the treebark. My insides started tingling. ***** What I didn’t know was that the rainforest is a sexual place to co-exist and come to understand with your body. On Day 2 in the forest, I woke

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up at 5am, still baffled I’m in this hotel bed, pressing a button to open my electric blinds, so I can look out into the forest through my floor to ceiling glass windows. The other side is my playground, my spiritual bathtub. I felt like sleep while in the forest was just a meditation state.

The sun was shining through the trees. I could tell it was raining a few moments ago, because the forest was in its misty and wet state. I was anxious to start the day. The vast and deep elements of the forest were awaiting. I pull on a pair of jean shorts and a tee shirt with Timberland boots and skipped my makeup and skincare routine. I didn’t care what I looked like. *** Again, I was special guest here. Most people who visit this eco-lodge are foreigners from Australia or scientists. “Time stands still here but keeps going in the city.” one of the head naturalists explained to me while I ate my breakfast in the open glass dining room. The ceilings must have been like 50 feet. I thought about what he said to me for a while and thought about how fast I had been moving over the last three years. I shoke my head and said to myself “I surrender these thoughts,” because I didn’t want to think about what dumb thoughts would come next. “¿Qué actividad te gustaría hacer hoy? The naturalist asked me.

“Me encantaría caminar hasta la cascada. eso es todo lo que quiero hacer.”

I said.

Lucky for me, I was the only one among the four other American colleagues I was traveling with who chose a short hike to the 300 foot cascada. I didn’t want to be with them anyway after they left me in Quito. Two of the naturalists volunteered to go with me. I could feel the younger guide’s vibe on me since the day I arrived. I don’t know if it was my black skin or the fact that he hadn’t seen any truly black women in a while. Anyway, we set off for this hike around nine in the morning. It would take two hours to get to this newly discovered waterfall. I wore my favorite FENTY bathing suit under my long white pants, with a thin white tank top. I pulled my hair out of my face in a wet bun. I packed my crystal amethyst chakrub to bathe it in the waterfall, to cleanse it and restore its energy. It was in full use for the past few weeks since I got it and I knew that the rainforest would be some amazing energy to carry

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with me and remember for a few months. Besides that’s what the creator instructed me to do for cleaning purposes. ****** On the terrace, the young naturalist, let’s just call him Guiemmero, helped me get into my long rain boots that covered my calves. It was imperative to wear these boots to be protected by the rainforest ground because the paths weren’t clear. So yea, we were definitely going on a 3 person hike. I was nervous but thrilled. I sat on the bench, as Guiemmero kneeled down in front of me, reaching out to touch my foot and place it gently in each boot.

Upon his touch, I felt a calm energy pass through my blood. We had only just met at the guest orientation a few days ago, but from his glance up to me from my foot, an energy traveled through me at each touch. We locked eyes.

The first and really only rule of this hike to the cascada was to not touch anything without asking for permission first. **** I could devour him right under the waterfall he’s so beautiful and handsome and manly, like Tarzan, I thought walking through the forest to our destination. I had just ate another piece of that chocolate. It was the last piece and I was a bit hungry. I also offered him some. It was me, my young Tarzan and his uncle who was the president of a nearby village, located 2 hours from my home above the clouds. From our conversation in Spanish, they didn’t have electricity in this village and were still happy. We were just thirty minutes into hiking, when I fell into a deep fantasy as my two indigenous men guided me through the inner workings of the rainforest.

Along the way we talked about plants and other things that were in plain view. For example, I pointed to the oversized “Elephant Ear” leaves. Que es esto? y esto? I understood that they are deadly if consumed but are used to protect you from the rain. He pointed to another plant called “mother’s tongue,” which was and still is used as tea when boiled and consumed with hot water, it is a form of birth control for village women. I became so entranced by the sounds of the forest and the relaxing conversation. It was that feeling when chills come over your shoulders and travel down your back and you become more comfortable. So much so I forgot what day and time it was the further I walked. It also became harder to breath because I was experiencing so much new levels. Eventually, I stopped talking and

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started listening. Quiet as an ocelot, a vortex of positive vibes grew around me. I followed, they guided. I started to peel off emotional layers, hiking in my bathing suit, coverup and boots, careful not to touch anything. Even tree bark was secretly covered with killer ants. I didn’t care though, I just wanted to be free. **** Alas, we arrived to the waterfall. I heard it a few feet before actually seeing it and it was so glorious I could dance to its water rhythm. The guides both motioned me to get in. So I shed off the rest of my clothes and and dipped my feet in the small lagoon.

“Ven acá.” I said to Guiemmero.

He didn’t hesitate. He just ran right in, dipping his face and body into the cold water. He took my hand and led me closer to the waterfall. I drew back.

“Mirá, princesa,” he said pointing to some cove hidden through the waterfall. It was behind the 300 foot waterfall. He insisted I go through with him because it was a massage.

But for a moment, I sat 15 feet from the edge of the waterfall, where the rocks are tiny pieces of overgrown sand, and it’s still a bit of water just there. I grabbed my crystal chakrub out of my bag, to do my bathing ritual and meditate. Only thing was, I wasn’t alone and I was’t aware of my crystal’s powers! The guys took one look at it and coyly backed away.

They instantly knew it was something intimate even if there was a slight language barrier, and at that moment I forgot my Spanish. I couldn’t translate chakrub. It was shaped weirdly like an artifact penis, but it was also a beautiful purple gemstone, a glowing crystal that needed to be bathed and I wanted it with me at that moment. So the uncle took a cue from his nephew and disappeared into the rainforest for a bit, while Guiemmero joined me on the waterfall edge.

It was a bit awkward at first, even though I didn’t want it to be that way.

I kept saying, “this is natural in my head.” And everything about it was natural. I bent down to feel the cold rain water. I closed my eyes and dug

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my hands deeper into the earth, burying the chakrub just enough to retrieve it. It was with its cousins, I suppose. I gathered small granite rocks in the palm of my hands as I inhaled to take deeper breaths. I switched on my yoga practice to my current state of absolute bliss and peace.

(Inhale , exhale, inhale, exhale) I sat down in the waterfalls bayou, while I continued to be ( forgetting time) and listen to the natural wildlife that surrounded me. My chakrub still in my hands. My guide still in my sight, observing me in silence, my goddess vibes were free. The trees, the tuscan birds and insects around me, totally existing as well. I didn’t care that he was there too. I knew I wasn’t going to see him again, and he was apart of my experience. So I embraced the moment. I opened my eyes to see the most beautiful man, my guide, sitting right beside me. I stood up and put my chakrub back in my tote bag located a few feet away on dry land. Still, he was staring intently at the waterfall. I sat down to join him again. I knew exactly what he was looking at. He was feeling the ground below like me. Perhaps he was protecting me from anything that joined us. Afterall, we were in the choco rainforest, where green rules the landscape, where ocelots and viper snakes roam the ground, and run the entire forest. Yet they are still so fearful of humans. Moments past and I am back into my body, was this a dream? That’s when I opened my eyes and that’s when I remember I have company. I inhale a deep breath and then exhale out as I flutter my lids open to examine my surroundings. I’m on the edge of the waterfall this time this place looks much different and yet still I don’t quite know where I am. ******** I breathe in again and he leads me closer to the waterfall. The water is raining down heavy and it’s loud. As I get closer, my body becomes even more submerged in water. We swim to the corner of the fall, as he ducks under and leads me to the small cove on the other side. The water is at full throttle and pounding down hard and fast on my back. I test my head and shoulders through to feel pressure.

It feels like a back massage. It’s pounding down so hard my bikini bottoms struggle to stay on as I exert myself back out from under the beating water, fixing my already wet purple swimsuit hanging from my body, unapologetically exposing a nipple and pelvic muscles flex. He takes my

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hand and leads me through the cascada as I hold on to my barely there bikini to my body. We move closer as our bodies touch. He’s got me where he wants me, and the blood in my veins are already heated up despite the cold rain water.

I raise my arms to wipe the water from my face and adjust my suit in modesty. It’s no use. My skin wants to be exposed. It’s summer. I still don’t want to be too vulnerable but at this moment he’s my Tarzan, guiding me through the complex and maze like forest, protecting me from thorned branches and poison ivy. I am untouchable.

“Vas bajo el agua,” he says to me, leading me to the otherside.

I turn my back and my bikini strap breaks loose. Fuck it. I finally remove what’s holding me back and feel empowered. He grabs my floating bottoms as I duck my head under with my naked body following. We get close and I could feel his excitement. This is my chance to fulfill another fantasy, but I didn’t feel the need to for once in my twenties. I stared into his eyes and see myself. I felt sexual and I didn’t need someone else to secure it. So what I’m here and it’s a once in a lifetime opportunity. For once, I felt satisfied for myself and I knew what I was doing when I was back in my hotel room alone. Suddenly, we hear a call, the sound of his uncle’s indigenous chant. He held up his head from mine. Breaking our bond to respond to his uncles’ call. I knew it was time to go. Carefully, because the cove was slippery to step through on rocks, we walked through the waterfall, bathing , getting sexually baptized. I retreat back to the dry shore topless. Emerging with even more energy. I felt hot and wet. I needed to sit down. So I perched naked, gathering rocks and sand to sprinkle on my belly, digging my feet further into the earth. I knew I wasn’t ever coming back so I wanted to savor every last moment. He followed, watching me. It was time to go back to the eco-lodge. The three of us hiked back in silence, listening to the soundtrack of the rainforest. When I returned to my hotel room, I laid on my bed, naked. Re-charged with a new set of purpose and principle. The bad bitch principles. I didn’t even want to shower. I was speechless. All I could do was sit and eat the exotic fruit the hotel left on my bedside table and take nude selfies for my own files. Then, a thought came from within me...Everything that is beautiful is not always good for you.

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SPECIAL THANKS AngĂŠlica Fuentes & A Complete Skincare for supporting Issue 5 66

CREDITS Ponte La Pilas Photoshoot: Photographer : @ju_wels ( Julianny Casado ) Influencer: @sunflowervalentine ( Valentina Nazareth Padilla Soteldo ) STYLE BY PONTE LAS PILAS Josmary Remache y Estefany Lรณpez

Andrea Iyamah Bridal Photography: Photographer: @mannyjefferson BTS Videographer: @pitsonmedia Models: @queenkaylie1 / @nafeesa_butu Makeup: @switchcosmetics Hairstylist: @dicksongeorge50 Art Director: @willyverse Stylist: @vcheuba Location: @legendhotellagosairport

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VIOLET SUMMER ZINE ISS. 2 VIOLET SUMMER ZINE ISS. 4 68