Guiding Parents Through Hardship By Cindy K. Sproles
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ging can be deceptive, On the outside, our parents may seem well adjusted and flying well through their golden years, when the truth is, they may be struggling. There are a number of things that will prevent loved ones from seeing these struggles and they can be tricky to maneuver, but when you know the key is to notice, then intervention is much easier. • Aging parents can hide — There are times when it seems difficult to sift through what is doing well and what isn’t. Here’s an example. A son visits his aging mother weekly, and each week she has him take her shopping. She purchases undergarments. The son doesn’t notice that each week his mother is purchasing the same items until he goes to her laundry room and finds plastic bags tied and tossed into a corner. Each bag holds soiled undergarments. He had no idea that his mother was purchasing these items repeatedly and not washing them. Instead, she was tying them into small bags and tossing them in the corner. Our seniors can be very good about hiding things, but this is a sure sign a parent is struggling. In this case, the mother could not remember how to start her washing machine. She could manage everything else except her washing machine. Be it pride, or embarrassment, this woman couldn’t ask for help. Learn to pay attention to the small things. Do you notice repetitive things happening? A great place to look for “hiding” is the refrigerator. Most visits to a parent’s home do not require you to look in the refrigerator, but if you do this, you may notice grossly out-of-date items, molding food in containers, spoiled milk, or bad lunchmeats. This is especially disconcerting because it can mean your parent is not eating well. Slips indicate that they are forgetting to empty out old items. It’s not laziness. It’s a struggle with memory. • Missing appointments or special dates — As we grow older, things slip. Those memory hiccups are not always something serious, such as dementia or Alzheimer’s, but they simply have an aging memory. The aging process slows us down. Thoughts are slower to process, and memories tend to lack. There is nothing uncommon about a senior missing a special date. To help your parents keep up, keep a large calendar with blocks to write in, in clear view. There are electronics such as Alexa from Amazon that can help remind seniors of important dates. Take advantage of technology, but remember, you will be the one in charge of adding dates. Sometimes, even the simplest technology sends aging parents into overload. 22 | November 2023 | www.voicemagazineforwomen.com
• Walking or hunkered posture — Admitting it’s time to add a walking aid is especially difficult for aging parents. Walking is one of the last things our loved ones have control over, so when a walker or cane is introduced, remember this is hard for parents. On a personal note, my mother suffered from a compressed lumbar fracture. The walker sat in her room for weeks before she tried to use it. We asked her numerous times to use it, but her response was that she could manage fine holding on to the railing down the assistive living hallway. Time was the requirement for her to adjust to the acceptance that she needed this assistance. Now, she is faster using a walker than she was walking alone. My mother regained a sense of control and her fear of tripping or falling dissipated when she accepted the walker. Pay close attention to your aging parent’s posture. If you notice extreme hunkering or that their feet shuffle or drag, these are signs that their balance is affected and are early warning signs of impending falls. Introduce walking aids slowly. Don’t push. Rather gently suggest. Soon, your parent will accept the device and hopefully before a fall. Hardships come in many fashions. The key to helping aging parents is to pay attention, keeping in mind those problems can be anything from memory to depression or physical issues. Again, pay attention. Introduce the appropriate assistance for the difficulty. Remember to be gentle about the introduction of new ways. As our parents age, they lose so much freedom by not being able to do the things they have always done. They’ve given up a lot of independence, and this is a struggle. Loving them, assuring them they are not unable but simply need a little assistance, and providing the necessary equipment or help will make their lives much easier.
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Cindy K. Sproles is a novelist, speaker, and conference teacher. She is the cofounder of ChristianDevotions.us and the managing editor for Straight Street Books and SonRise Devotionals, imprints of Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas. Visit Cindy at www.cindysproles.com.
