Three Strands

Do You Have Vertigo In Your Marriage?

BY CINDY JACOB SOUTHWORTH

Pilots are trained to depend on their instruments, not their senses. If a pilot loses sight due to inclement weather or other environmental conditions, he must stay focused on his instruments or risk experiencing vertigo. This can occur when the pilot loses the ability to determine his direction, relying on his senses instead of instrumentation. He temporarily forgets the truth he sees on the navigation panel and allows his sensations to guide him.

Sometimes we can experience “vertigo” or an imbalance in our marriage. We lose sight of the commitments we made in the beginning – to love and cherish, to overlook faults, to take care of the weak and the sick, to protect and provide for each other, to put each other first, and to stay together for life.

Let’s face it – life gets tough sometimes. Bills, conflicts, unmet expectations, extended illness, unplanned pregnancy, isolation, and job loss are just a few examples of issues that can cause an imbalance in marriage. The sensations can cause us to feel like we are an unwanted, unloved, failing, imperfect person who either doesn’t need or deserve the other person we are doing life with. Our sensations tell us we would be better off alone; we fail to see the new complications that will certainly appear if we make that choice. We allow our feelings to dictate our choices rather than our beliefs and convictions. The result is vertigo – the feeling that we are out of balance, and with it, chaos ensues. The result is unhappiness in the marriage and a belief that “nothing will ever change.” We tell ourselves that “no one would believe it is this bad,” and “nobody would understand.” This results in more isolation that further fuels the “vertigo.”

The Word of God will help us regain our balance. In Ecclesiastes 4:12, King Solomon shares with us: “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” If we put our focus on the Lord and let Him guide us through the situation that is causing us to feel imbalanced, He will direct our path. We can ask our spouse to pray with us and rely on God to see us through the situation. While our circumstances may not change immediately, our beliefs can change, causing us to trust that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.

No matter what the issue is, it does not have to define us. We can take our focus off our feelings and choose to focus on the instrument panel – the Word of God. We can build on the foundational principles of marriage God has given us. We can focus on resources that will strengthen our relationship. We can spend time with our spouse creating a vision for our marriage, and work at building unity with him. We can focus on having fun and talk about common goals that unite us – goals like prayer, regular communication, emotional connection, and serving together.

The good news is we are not alone. Seeking help from a wise couple who has been through a similar experience or counsel from a professional coach or counselor will strengthen our relationships. We can trust that God will sustain us through our difficult season, and we will grow stronger together.

Take pride in what you have accomplished and celebrate together. Exercise your faith and pray together. Marriage was meant to last a lifetime. If you put these principles into practice, you will find a healthy balance that brings new life and joy into your marriage.

Cindy Jacob Southworth, M.S. Counseling Studies, AACC Certified Relationship Coach, and Women World Leaders Leadership Team. She and her husband David have been in full-time marriage ministry since 2005 and pioneered the Marriage 911 intensive, women’s BreakThrough retreats, and the UP Leadership program that prepares couples for marriage ministry. Recently retired in central Florida, they devote their time now to writing, developing leaders for ministry, and enjoying their nine grandchildren. Contact Cindy at Cindysporch@ gmail.com or www.breakwaterministries.com