Vortex Magazine of Literature and Fine Art: Fall 2023 Online Edition

Page 82

Bad Hair Day By Konner Elmore

“That’s it. It finally happened,” David thinks. “I’m fucking going bald.” He stares into his bathroom mirror, his face contorted in horror as if he’s just experienced war. “It’s okay, it’s okay–don’t freak out. I’ll just wear a hat or something. Yeah, I’ll just do that and become one of those hat-wearing geriatrics at the club bathroom doing coke off the koala changing station.” He exits his bathroom and sits on his bed. His spotted head rests in his hands. “Wait, I’ll just go visit the barber guy a few blocks over. Surely he has some kind of hair treatment shit I can use.” He rushes out the door as quick as a flash, his newly slick head perhaps aiding with the added speed. He arrives at the barbershop and looks through the plain glass window to see an old man arranging wig displays, a big grin smeared across his face. He walks in and begs, “Please sir, I need whatever you got that helps hair growth. If you don’t help me, my very short-lived life as a bachelor will have been worthless!” The old man looks at him, his smile never faltering. “I’ve got just the thing, young man. Simply lather this on your scalp and by tomorrow, you’ll be needing a haircut!” He hands the concoction to David, who snatches it greedily. He quickly throws a few bucks at the old man and retreats out the door. If he weren’t in such a hurry, he might have noticed the hair stuck in the teeth of the old man’s grin. As he walks home, he covers his scalp as instructed. He sleeps that night wondering if he’s just been ripped off. When he awakes the next morning, he quickly runs to the bathroom and gazes at his experiment. Sure enough, the hair on his head is grown anew, perhaps even longer than it was before. David jumps with joy, running his hands through his new hair to an obscene amount. As he does this, his hands begin to tingle. He pauses his celebration to inspect them and notices his once naked palms are now covered in thick, beautiful hair. He falls back, breathing heavily as the hair spreads up his arms at an alarming rate. He tries to scream but finds he cannot. He is choked by the hair that consumes his throat. He falls down on his bathroom floor, unable to breathe. He reaches a depressing conclusion as he realizes his last sight on earth will be his toilet. He needn’t worry. The hair quickly sprouts out his eyes, so that he can see nothing at all. An old man smiles to himself as he arranges his newest wig at his window. He brushes it attentively, his phosphorescent white teeth shining with the sunlight. As he brushes, the hair seems to stiffen up at the scalp. It’s strange. If you didn’t know any better, you’d swear it was flinching.

82


Turn static files into dynamic content formats.

Create a flipbook

Articles inside

Out of Body

1min
page 155

YOUR LAST BUBBLE

1min
pages 138-143

Going Ape

1min
page 134

Violet Saponaria

1min
page 121

silver screen

1min
page 117

Buccinidae

1min
page 116

Lauren

1min
page 109

First Day Since

1min
pages 90-108

Kuzzo

1min
page 89

Starry-Eyed Fae

1min
page 79

Clicker

1min
page 73

Careless Whisper

1min
page 69

Raggedy Ann

1min
pages 40-49

I just live in this world, you paint it.

1min
page 61

Angel

1min
page 54

Fierce companion

1min
page 51

Lost - Self Portrait

1min
page 34

The Depth of Prayer

1min
page 26

Wiley Rabbit

1min
page 18

Frankenstein

1min
page 12

Editors' Choice Winner in Art (Cover Art): Reduction

1min
page 323

Mary

7min
pages 316-320

The Guiltiest Paint

12min
pages 312-315

The Boys At School: A 501 Hotties Story

9min
pages 308-311

Since You’ve Gone

17min
pages 301-306

Worthy

0
page 295

Inside Jokes of Possible Converts

1min
pages 292-293

A Psalm of Joy

0
page 291

It’s Too Early to Bring Things to Life

0
page 289

My Friend Eric

0
page 281

flowers are for pansies

0
pages 278-279

Elegy to the Pencil That Drew Veronica In

1min
pages 276-277

Oh Moon, My Moon

0
page 271

Sonnet No. 1

0
page 267

Yet

1min
pages 264-266

to bear it all.

0
page 263

Smoke Should Fall

1min
pages 260-261

the lepidopterist

1min
pages 258-259

The Descent

2min
page 255

Expressed Woes

0
pages 252-253

Arrivederci

0
page 249

Chameleon in Combat

0
page 247

Three Intertwined Souls

1min
page 233

Eat the Invasive

0
page 231

zlatý dážď [golden rain]

0
page 229

The Last Hour of Arthur Oggleharrow

19min
pages 202-210

Permission

4min
pages 196-200

From a Pitch to a Planet

0
page 188

ozark funeral

0
page 183

excerpt from the corpse of a young maid

0
page 177

Fireproof Safe for Emotions

0
page 173

Replacement

0
page 171

The Person Everyone Believes You Are

0
pages 168-169

Take the Time

0
page 167

i’m not angry, i...

0
page 163

You & I

2min
pages 158-159

Winds Like a Hurricane

0
page 157

Asterion

0
page 154

Editors' Choice in Creative Nonfiction: How Dead Dogs and A-Level Geometry Helped Me Realize I Could Do Anything

13min
pages 148-151

autonomy.

3min
pages 146-147

Bad Dog

0
pages 135-136

Greyback

27min
pages 124-131

Editors' Choice in Poetry: desperation.

1min
pages 122-123

anachronism

0
page 120

Springtime

0
page 112

Self Love

0
pages 110-111

First Day Since

21min
pages 90-108

The Cost of Crowns

2min
page 88

I Believe in Grilled Cheese

1min
page 87

Bad Hair Day

1min
pages 82, 84

Sick

2min
pages 80-81

His Name Was Michael

14min
pages 74-78

like i do.

0
page 68

Letter to My Mentor

3min
pages 66-67

names are like flowers

0
page 65

Gregory

13min
pages 56-60

Butterfly

0
page 50

Little Me

0
pages 35-36

flicka.

0
page 32

Summertime Funeral

0
pages 28-29

Ennui

0
page 25

homesick

0
page 13
Issuu converts static files into: digital portfolios, online yearbooks, online catalogs, digital photo albums and more. Sign up and create your flipbook.