1
Max and Zane share a warm, flat beer to annoint their brand new bromance.
PSST... I T’S O U R
BI RTH DAY!
awwww... Isn’t a blossoming bromance just the sweetest thing you ever did see, bro? Bro? Come on, don’t leave me hanging, brah. Fine. Moving on... didja know it’s our BIRTHDAY?!? That’s right! We’re 5 years old (but we act like we’re at least 7). This has been the fastest (and sometimes slowest) 5 years in history. For us at least. For those of you who’ve been with us since the beginning, thank you! We love ya! And for those of you who are just discovering Whiskey River Soap, welcome to the club! So check out the 44 fun new products (and all the other favorites) in this 5-year Birthday Issue and hope to hear from you soon. Whiskey River Soap mascot Addie just can’t get over how old we are! 2
Enjoy!
N EW
YEAR
PRODUCTS
3
S
4
Abby said her hair isn’t blond enough to play Regina George, but we disagree.
N EW LIQUID HAND SOAP
YEAR
G N I T N U CO TO N I A G A 0 0 1
1 ... 2...
Please stop asking Varun to come to your useless meetings, Karen.
yep. you heard it here first. We’re introducing liquid hand soap! And you know what that means... wait. You do? Can you fill me in? I thought it was pretty self-explanatory. You’re so deep! That’s why people largely avoid you at parties. Nobody wants to understand the profound nuances of why Susan puts raisins in her queso dip, ok? I’m just here to help. I’m also here to tell you about this new liquid hand soap! (I sort of wandered off there, sorry.) Each 8-ounce amber glass bottle is filled with all natural and organic liquid castile soap and scented with essential oils that we HOPE will encouage better hygiene in bathrooms everywhere. Eh. One can dream. Variety Liquid Soap: Bottle size 6.25" H x 2.25" W. 8 different 8-ounce styles sold in 4-packs. All-natural and organic castile soap. Scented with essential oils. Astrology Liquid Soap: Bottle size 6.25" H x 2.25" W. 12 different 8-ounce styles sold in 4-packs. All-natural and organic castile soap. Scented with essential oils. 5
S
Whatever
Pretentious
Product code: WHA-L
Product code: PRE-L
GRAPEFRUIT
LEMONGRASS
Dog Saliva Product code: DOG-L
LIME 6 6
TEA TREE
PEPPERMINT
LIQUID HAND SOAP
SPEARMINT
N EW
Useless Meetings
Hairball
Dramatic
Product code: USE-L
Product code: HAI-L
Product code: DRA-L
N EW!
YEAR
ORANGE
James is not listening to any of your nonsense.
FA KE N EWS .
Fake News Product code: FAK-L
LEMON
I DIDN’T H EAR TH E FA U C ET...
And Jessica is definitely listening.
Silently Judging Product code: SIL-L
7
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ASTROLOGY LIQUID HAND SOAP
N EW CAPRICORN
AQUARIUS
December 22-January 19
January 20-February 18
•••
•••
CINNAMON SCENT
PATCHOULI SCENT
•••
•••
NECTAR OF THE GODS
PARTY SUDS
No-nonsense formula keeps your vast crew of underlings and germs in check
Progressive blend perfect for protest parties and event planning
Product code: AQU-L
Product code: CAP-L
PISCES
February 19-March 20 •••
SPEARMINT SCENT •••
MELTED DREAMS
Empathetic formula complements pipe dreams and serial pet adoptions
GEMINI
May 21-June 20 •••
TANGERINE SCENT •••
CRAZY SAUCE
Provocative blend of ingredients will enhance the sharing any and all secrets
Product code: PIS-L
8
Product code: GEM-L
N EW
YEAR
Sam channels Rosie the Riveter, who was definitely an Aries.
ARIES
TAURUS
March 21-April 19
April 20-May 20
•••
•••
GRAPEFRUIT SCENT •••
ROSEMARY SCENT
SUCKER PUNCH
•••
Over-the-top formula increases instances of challenges and barroom brawls Product code: ARI-L
Fiona is a swell name but we call her Princess Snoodle Doodle My Baby Boodle for short.
ROYAL ESSENCE
Specially formulated luxury blend for indulging and keeping it classy
Product code: TAU-L
ID D N E H T D N A G M O YO U H E A R A BO U T CH RIS?
No real Geminis here. Sara is a classic Virgo.
Olivia needs you to know that she’s actually a Pisces.
9
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N EW
CANCER
June 21-July 22 •••
WINTERGREEN SCENT •••
BOTTLED EMOTIONS
Stop asking me so many questions. I’m fine.
Moody mixture works whether you’re running hot or cold at the moment Product code: CAR-L
LEO
July 23-August 23 •••
LEMONADE SCENT •••
LOVE POTION
Extremely potent formula improves star quality and casts a wide net for new fans Product code: LEO-L
Haley wonders out loud... a lot.
VIRGO
August 23-September 22 •••
10
LIME SCENT
LIQUID ANXIETY
Tightly-wound mixture encourages unsolicited grammar corrections and tallying up imperfections
Product code: VIR-L
N EW
YEAR
SCORPIO
October 23-November 21 •••
EUCALYPTUS SCENT •••
TEARS OF MY ENEMIES
Fiercely dramatic blend compels friends and enemies alike to fall to their knees Product code: SCO-L
Newly professional hand model Max has a new LinkedIn skill.
Nate wants to know if this is a good Tinder look.
LIBRA
September 23-October 22 •••
BASIL SCENT
SAGITTARIUS
•••
November 22-December 21
FLIRT SYRUP
•••
Fairly ambivalent blend is totally fine with whichever water temperature you prefer Product code: LIB-L
FENNEL SCENT •••
FUNNY STUFF
Randomly chosen ingredients that will linger long after you up and disappear again Product code: SAG-L
11
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N EW PEN CI LS! AY E E E E! PENCILS FOR CAT PEOPLE
PENCILS FOR DOG PEOPLE
Back side:
Back side:
HERE, KITTY KITTY
IT WAS THE DOG, I SWEAR!
I have a surpise for youuuu....
Look, I don’t know if you know
Darn it, where are you?
this about my dog, but he’s
Remember that time you told
verrry gassy. So if you get a
me you wished you could be
whiff of anything remotely off,
a little policeman? I’m sure
it was the dog, ok? He’s also
you said that. And I’ve got
responsible for the missing
JUST the costume for that!
cheesecake in the fridge. I
Come on, kitty, kitty. My
don’t know how he does it!
Instagram followers
The scoundrel.
are waiting.
Product code: CAT-P Product code: DOG-P
PENCILS FOR NURSES
PENCILS FOR BOOMERS VS. MILLENNIALS
Back side:
Back side:
MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER?
PASS THE POPCORN
You must be completely delusional if you think I’m a waiter, pal. In fact, I could argue that your very existence is at the mercy of my skilled, capable
With the two largest generations in history at each other’s virtual throats on social media, this is the most epic battle since white or wheat. Who’s more entitled? Who’s more maligned? And does
hands right now.
it even matter? HEY.
So too bad if
Of course it does.
you don’t like the
Ask any one of them.
green Jello. Shut
But really. Pass the
your trap and
popcorn. This is
maybe I’ll come
some serious
back to check on
entertainment.
PENCILS FOR GRAVESTONE IDEAS Back side: I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK Absolute genius last words to carve onto your gravestone. Why bother with father, mother, son, daughter? Beloved pet, bah! Boooring. Really, the only proper way to go out is to get the very last word. That, or leave them wondering for all eternity. Who dis?
you. Key word:
maybe. Product code: NUR-P
12
Product code: BOO-P
Product code: GRV-P
PENCILS FOR PROCRASTINATORS Back side:
FREE
YEAR
DISPLAY
TWO WEEKS. Go ahead, ask me anything. Invariably, the answer will be “two weeks.” Wondering when I’ll get my grades up? ? Two weeks. Get my grades up and start working out? Two weeks. Get my grades up, start working out, call my dad, visit my Nana in Florida, get married, buy a house, file for divorce, start my own business and run for office? Two weeks, pal. Two. Weeks.
They’re selling so well that we’ve decided to create EVEN MORE pencil sets! But don’t make a big deal out of it. I HATE drama. NEW Pencil Sets: 8-pack of standard No. 2 pencils. Box size: 7 1/2" L x 2 1/2" H x 3/8" D
Product code: PRO-P
PENCILS FOR THE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE Back side: I’M FINE. I mean, if you want, I can write an essay detailing the extent to which I’m fine. I’ll even laminate the cover if you need me to do that, too. I don’t mind at all. If that’s what you need to prove that I’m fine, I’ll do it. Heck, I might even make it a book, find a publisher and go on Ellen to promote the release, proving how fine I am. I mean if that’s what you need. I’ll do it.
Product code: PAS-P
PENCILS FOR ZERO FUCKS
PENCILS FOR TRUTH
Back side:
Back side:
NO FUCKS.
I’M A FAKE VEGAN.
We hear you. You’re so over it you can’t even. This newlyconcocted bad attitude is just what the doctor ordered! Plus, none of us really liked it when you were just a simple, caring, average Joe. So kudos to you! Even though you couldn’t give a F. We know. Fresh out.
Hey, wouldn’t it be nice if people just told the truth every once in a while? I mean, nobody wants to hear that Susan thinks your baby is weird looking, but does she have to go on and on about how ADORABLE he is, only to snicker with the entire Human Resources department behind your back? Susan, Susan, Susan. Just wait til you have a baby.
Product code: ZER-P
Product code: TRU-P
13
S
H OT S ELLERS! PENCILS FOR TEACHERS
PENCILS FOR FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS
Back side:
Back side:
IT’S A SNOW DAY SOMEWHERE....
AWWWWW...
But not for you! You have another full day of dealing with other people’s children AND their classroom shenanigans. And it’s not that you don’t love teaching. It’s more that nobody truly appreciates all the garbage you go through just to do your job. Isn’t it time people started thanking YOU for YOUR service?
I hear you’re having a bad day. First of all, your wifi sucks, so Shameless is totally lagging. Plus, it’s 95 outside but you’re shivering under a blanket because the AC is SO freezing, and now your glutenfree muffin was the BEST gluten-free muffin you’ve ever had until you realized they gave you the one with almonds. And we both know you said NO NUTS.
Product code: TEA-P
Product code: FIR-P
PENCILS FOR GRAMMAR POLICE
PENCILS FOR THE OFFICE Back side:
Back side:
OH COOL. It’s Monday again. Feels like I just clocked out. Know what I love about Mondays? Nothing. In fifteen minutes, I’ll be sleeping with my eyes open for an hourlong meeting about employee morale followed by a “surprise” birthday cake and card everyone half-heartedly signs while doing a slow eye-roll. Which is the same eye-roll I’ll be making when I read it, ’cuz it’s my birthday and even that won’t fix a Monday.
Product code: OFF-P
14
YOUR ANNOYING.
14
Ahahaha. It’s so easy to get under your skin. Just wanted to shoot a quick message to let you know how impressed we all are that you finally figured out the difference between your and you’re. Welcome to the grammar club, smarty pants. But as a club member, you now have to quit whining about other people’s grammatical errors. Trust me on this point, p you’re still making some.
Product code: GRA-P
YEAR
PENCILS FOR WRITER’S BLOCK
PENCILS FOR LITTLE WHITE LIES
Back side:
Back side: OMG, CROSSFIT? YES.
TIRED OF FEELING LIKE A BONE-DRY HACK?
I looooove working out. If I could, I would do it 24/7. It’s just that I have all these obligations and such since I took that sabbatical from work. Oh, yeah, technically they called it “fired” but I was going to take a creative break anyway. And I LOVE my free time! I mean, I don’t really have any, of course, and that’s why I’m not hitting the gym at the moment....
So the wordsmith’s well has run dry? Try this pack of Writer’s Block pencils. If these pencils don’t help you churn out regurgitated ideas and probably a vampire, I’ll eat my hat. It’s a fedora, by the way. Cool vampires wear fedoras now. Put that in your crack pipe and smoke it. Or in your book. Either way, you’re gonna need these pencils ASAP. Even crap won’t write itself.
Product code: WRI-P Product code: LIT-P
EXCUSE PENCILS FOR INTROVERTS Back side:
PENCILS FOR OKAY MOMS Back side:
PEOPLE SUCK.
CONGRATULATIONS.
That’s why you prefer to stay inside with your stuffed animal collection. But sometimes it’s a little hard to admit that in public. So we’ve carefully crafted a few extremely plausible excuses to get you out of all those pesky social obligations. Like happy hour. Your niece’s school play. Office parties. Your wedding.
You’re the world’s okayest mom! Please don’t take offense! Face it, perfect moms are the absolute worst, what with their spotless car seats, healthy and organic snacks packed neatly in recyclable containers, and quickdraw first aid kits. Okay moms are where it’s at. Okay moms are where you want to live: sippy cup wine, the five-second rule, and naps that overlap into second naps.
Product code: INT-P
Product code: OKA-P
PENCILS FOR THE MIDDLE CHILD Back side: WHO ARE YOU AGAIN? The only thing worse than being unnoticed is being unnoticed when your hair is neon purple and you dress like you’re from the Matrix. Um, hello? Being the first child ain’t all that. The only people who think so are: #1. My older sibling and #2. My dumb parents. And I haven’t even gotten to the part about the (cry)baby of the family. Oy.
Product code: MID-P
15
S
16
ASTROLOGY SOAP
YEAR
Each soap has a custom color-scheme and fragrance that matches the Astrology Candles. Shrink-wrapped with a clear label. Sold in 4-packs.
S O A P
F O
R
S O A P
F O
R
S O A P
F O
R
CAPRICORN D E C E M B E R 2 2 - JA N UA RY 19
AQUARIUS JA N UA RY 2 0 - F E B RUA RY 18
F E B RUA RY 19 - M A RC H 2 0
Smells like the boss of everyone
Smells like a real do-gooder
Smells like some serious delusions
PROGRESSIVE PAPAYA
DRIFTWOOD DREAMER
A
B E R G A M O T
B O S S
N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G
A
N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G
PISCES A
N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G
CAPRICORN
AQUARIUS Smells like a real do-gooder
Smells like some serious delusions
Bergamot Boss fragrance
Progressive Papaya fragrance
Driftwood Dreamer fragrance
Smells like the boss of everyone
Product code: CAP-S
S O A P
F O
PISCES
Product code: AQU-S
R
S O A P
F O
Product code: PIS-S
R
S O A P
F O
R
ARIES
TAURUS
GEMINI
Smells like you only ride shotgun
Smells like a gold-plated sundae
Smells like a split personality
AGGRESSIVE AGAVE LIME
CHAMPAGNE CHIC
WHIMSICAL WATERMELON
A
M A RC H 21 - A P R I L 19
A
A P R I L 19 - M AY 2 0
N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G
N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G
ARIES
TAURUS
A
M AY 21 - J U N E 2 0
N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G
GEMINI
Smells like a gold-plated sundae
Smells like a split personality
Aggressive Agave Lime fragrance
Champagne Chic fragrance
Whimsical Watermelon fragrance
Product code: ARI-S
Product code: TAU-S
Product code: GEM-S
Smells like you only ride shotgun
17
S
This soap is intentionally placed this way to irritate Virgos.
S O A P
F O
R
CANCER A
A
J U N E 21 - J U LY 2 2
S O A P
F O
LEO
R
S O A P
J U LY 2 3 - AU G U S T 2 2
Smells like buried emotions
Smells like itʼs all about you
MOODY MOJITOS
VANILLA VANITY
N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G
N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G
F O
R
VIRGO
A
AU G U S T 2 3 - S E P T E M B E R 2 2
Smells like making a list to make a list
OVERTHINKING ORANGES N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G
CANCER
LEO
Smells like it’s all about you
Smells like making a list to make a list
Moody Mojitos fragrance
Vanilla Vanity fragrance
Overthinking Oranges fragrance
Product code: CAR-S
Product code: LEO-S
Product code: VIR-S
FREE DISPLAY
S O A P
F O
R
FREE ASTROLOGY DISPLAYS with PRE-PACK AS1 or AP1 see page 56
S O A P
F O
R
S O A P
F O
S E P T E M B E R 2 3 - O C TO B E R 2 2
O C TO B E R 2 3 - N OV E M B E R 21
SCORPIO
SAGITTARIUS
Smells like a peacekeeper
Smells like a supervillain
Smells like a disappearing act
FRENCH LAVENDER FLIRT
VINDICTIVE VIOLETS
WANDERING WHITE TEA
LIBRA
A
N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G
A
N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G
A
R
N OV E M B E R 21 - D E C E M B E R 21
N E T W T. 6 O Z / 17 0 G
LIBRA
SCORPIO
SAGITTARIUS
French Lavender Flirt fragrance
Vindictive Violets fragrance
Wandering White Tea fragrance
Product code: LIB-S
Product code: SCO-S
Product code: SAG-S
Smells like a peacekeeper
18
VIRGO
Smells like buried emotions
Smells like a supervillain
Smells like a disappearing act
ASTROLOGY PENCILS
YEAR
Yes! Pencils! Check out our 8-pack of custom pencils made specifically for each astrological sign. Each pack features a SELFIE PENCIL! The writing is backwards to fulfill all your selfie needs! (Yeah, we’ve seen your Insta....) Each pencil box features a color sticker that matches the Astrology Candles, Soaps, and Journals. Astrology Pencils: Box size: 8 1/4" tall x 3 3/8" width x 1/2" thick
19
S
CAPRICORN
December 22-January 19
AQUARIUS
January 20 - February 18
Pencils:
Pencils:
EVERY SILVER LINING HAS A CLOUD MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY EVERY DAY I’M HUSTLIN’ BLESS YOUR LITTLE HEART BOSSY AF BECAUSE I READ THE MANUAL MY PAY STUBS ARE LIT
YOU HAD ME AT REVOLUTION UP FOR LITERALLY ANYTHING SPIRITUAL GANGSTA POTENTIAL LIFE COACH AQUARIANS ARE SECRETLY SMARTER BFF COLLECTOR ENIGMATIC BUT ALSO DRUNK
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): CONTROL FREEEEEAK
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): WOKE AF
Back text: You are in avid pursuit of wealth and power, but are more grounded than a world traveler on a no-fly list. People like you because you’re filthy rich. And even though your source of income might be considered “iffy”, there’s nothing sexier than a bit of danger and a wad of cash.
Back text: You have a deep understanding of human nature and would excel at writing straight-to-DVD chick flicks. Your desire to save the whole planet keeps you mindful of doing real work for the people. That said, you’re mostly valued for your non-stop partying and unstoppable quest to obtain the latest everything.
Product code: CAP-P
PISCES
February 19 - March 20
Product code: AQU-P
ARIES
March 21 - April 19
Pencils:
Pencils:
TIME FOR MY SECOND NAP STRAY ANIMAL COLLECTOR WILDLY UNDERAPPRECIATED DRINKS LIKE A FISH AMAZEBALLS IDEAS PENCIL MY ALONE TIME IS FOR YOUR SAFETY WILL ACCEPT FLATTERY
I COULD’VE EASILY GONE PRO FIGHT ME I ALWAYS KNOW WHAT I’M DOING FOR MY NEXT TRICK... NEAR PERFECTION UNFINISHED PROJECTS PENCIL WROTE THE 1ST RULE OF FIGHT CLUB
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): TOTAL DREAMER
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): 100%
Back text: You have a large capacity for helping those in distress. You are sympathetic to the world’s unfortunate, including every stray animal and helpless soul you meet. People like you because o f your unbridled optimism. Might want to keep that in check, though. Collecting parking tickets shouldn’t fondly be referred to as a “hobby.”
Back text: You are a natural competitor with very little patience for whiners. You’re a doer, not a dreamer and are not given to long, drawn-out emotional moments. People like you because you look hot in shorts. This is the year to take your shower singing act on the road.
Product code: ARI-P Product code: PIS-P
20
TAURUS
April 20 - May 20
GEMINI
May 21 - June 20
Pencils:
Pencils:
INFLEXIBLE BECAUSE I’M RIGHT WHO WERE YOU JUST TEXTING? I NEED MORE MIDDLE FINGERS I HEARD THERE WOULD BE CAKE JUST CALL ME DICTATOR FOR SHORT TREAT YO’SELF IS ON MY FAMILY CREST CHAMPAGNE GOES WITH EVERYTHING
VODKA IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL I MADE MEMES BEFORE IT WAS COOL I DON’T WANT TO GOSSIP, BUT... WAIT TIL YOU MEET MY OTHER PERSONALITY I DON’T CARE WHAT I SAID 10 MINS AGO GEMINIS ARE LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES I’M NOT SUPERFICIAL, JUST REALLY INTO LOOKS
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): CLASSY AF Back text: You are extremely reliable and protective of loved ones. Both loyal and committed, you have a stickto-it-ive-ness that others admire and you ensure there’s never a single drop left in the bottle of Dom Perignon. People like you because you appreciate the finer things in life and can party hard without a single hair out of place. Product code: TAU-P
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): WORLD CLASS FLIRT Back text: You are a natural flirt and tend to seek out mentors in the form of wise-ish (and sexy) bartenders. In terms of introvert and extrovert, you tend to swing both ways, depending on the day… or cocktail. And even though you’ve been called “out there” on more than one occasion, people like you because you’re the good kind of crazy. Product code: GEM-P
CANCER
June 21 - July 22
LEO
July 23 - August 22
Pencils:
Pencils:
CANCERS HAVE ALL THE FEELS PROFESSIONAL INTROVERT I’M FINE! NO OFFENSE, I JUST DON’T LIKE PEOPLE I’M STABBING YOU IN MY MIND BECAUSE I ONLY NEED ONE FRIEND I’M JUST GONNA STAY HOME TONIGHT
LOOK WHAT I CAN DO! BUT LET’S GET BACK TO ME DID SOMEONE SAY JELLO SHOTS? LEOS HAVE THE MOST STALKERS EVEN YOUR MOM LOVES ME SPOON-FEED ME COMPLIMENTS MY AURA SHOOTS RAINBOWS & GLITTER
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): GHOSTING MASTER Back text: You’re no stranger to thumbsucking, but you’re not a total pushover, either. It’s just that you have all those FEELINGS and it sometimes makes you need hugs more than most. People like you as much for your creativity as they do for your desire to day drink under an afghan and watch Snapped marathons with your bestie.
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): HELLO GORGEOUS Back text: You are extremely charismatic and irresistible to most everyone you meet. You are generally the only person in the room who counts—and you know it. It’s not your fault you were born for such greatness. People like you almost as much as you like you.
Product code: LEO-P
Product code: CAR-P
21
VIRGO
August 23 - September 22
LIBRA
September 23 - October 22
Pencils:
Pencils:
I COUGHED NOW I’M DEAD LIST-MAKING PENCIL LET ME OVERTHINK THAT THAT TOTALLY REMINDS ME OF ME I EXCEL IN RANDOM WORST-CASE SCENARIOS SCHEDULING AN IMPROMPTU PARTY! VIRGOS FOLD TOWELS PERFECTLY
THANKS FOR NOTHING I’M SORRY I SAY SORRY ALL THE TIME I’M DATING SOMEONE BUT WE CAN TEXT IT’S NO PROBLEM!!!! EASILY DISTRACTE... WHY CAN’T WE ALL GET ALONG? PRETTY PETTY, BUT STILL PRETTY
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): NOBODY’S PERFECT (EXCEPT VIRGOS)
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): ADORABLE AF
Back text: You are cautious and careful when sober, and tend to only let loose during pre-planned events. You have a firm grasp on the number of drinks both you and anyone else has ever had, and prefer to be in charge of the designated driver list. People like you because you look like a sexy professor and always have all the answers.
Back text: You’re a lover of art and all things beautiful and intellectual. That’s why you always date hotties with graduate degrees. Not one to enjoy alone time, you are at your best when in a solid relationship, or at least a decent one-night stand. People like you because you tend to agree with everything. Product code: LIB-P
Product code: VIR-P
SCORPIO
October 23 - November 21 Pencils:
Pencils:
CHECKMATE. WHO ARE YOU AGAIN? REVENGE IS BEST SERVED CONSTANTLY TWIRLING MY INVISIBLE MOUSTACHE EVIL MASTERMIND BEST FRENEMIES FOREVER PROFESSIONAL STALKER
I EXIST, THEREFORE TACOS VOTED MOST LIKELY TO LIVE IN A TENT LOL WHY R U SO SERIOUS? I NEED TO BE SOMEWHERE ELSE I DON’T DO FAKE RANDOM THOUGHTS SQUAD
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): FIERCE AF Back text: You are passionate and fierce and do not suffer fools gladly. You have the ambiance and appeal of a leather-clad supervillain and tend to keep your own entourage in tow. People like you because you always have the best ideas for revenge. Product code: SCO-P
22
SAGITTARIUS
November 22 - December 21
Selfie Pencil (Backwards): MENTALLY SINGLE Back text: You are wild and free and enjoy traveling to the far ends of the earth with your band of merry mischief- makers. Not one for long-term goals or commitments, you tend to disappear in the middle of the night for spur-of-themoment road trips. People like you because you always have the good party favors. Product code: SAG-P
ASTROLOGY CANDLES
what’s YOUR sign? Our 100% soy wax candles. Get the whole set! Each lid has a brightly-colored sticker that matches our Astrology Journals, Soaps, and Pencil Sets. Astrology Candles: Burn time 20 hours. Jar size: 2 3/4" D x 3 1/2" H
CAPRICORN
AQUARIUS
Bergamot Boss fragrance
Progressive Papaya fragrance
Smells like the boss of everyone
Product code: CAP-C
Smells like a real do-gooder
Product code: AQU-C
PISCES
Smells like some serious delusions Driftwood Dreamer fragrance Product code: PIS-C
23
ASTROLOGY CANDLES
ARIES
TAURUS
Smells like you only ride shotgun
Smells like a gold-plated sundae
Aggressive Agave Lime fragrance
Champagne Chic fragrance
Product code: ARI-C
GEMINI
Smells like a split personality Whimsical Watermelon fragrance Product code: GEM-C
24
Product code: TAU-C
CANCER
Smells like buried emotions Moody Mojitos fragrance Product code: CAR-C
YEAR
LEO
VIRGO
Smells like it’s all about you
Smells like making a list to make a list
Vanilla Vanity fragrance
Overthinking Oranges fragrance
Product code: LEO-C
Product code: VIR-C
LIBRA
SCORPIO
SAGITTARIUS
French Lavender Flirt fragrance
Vindictive Violets fragrance
Wandering White Tea fragrance
Product code: LIB-C
Product code: SCO-C
Product code: SAG-C
Smells like a peacekeeper
Smells like a supervillain
Smells like a disappearing act
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ASTROLOGY
JOURNALS notes from a boss
We are in love with our spiral-bound, lined Astrology Journals! Each one features a cover in a color specific to its astrological sign, and matches the stickers on the Astrology Candles, Soaps, and Pencil Sets. Astrology Journals: Size: 7" tall x 5 1/4" width x 1/2" thick; 100 lined pages The inside covers have even more info on each astrological sign, including traits, description, colors, numbers, love matches, famous birthdays, and quotes.
CAPRICORN
Product code: CAP-J
Boss of the Universe December 22 - January 19
ARIES
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Product code: ARI-J
“I’m doing pretty good as far as geniuses go.” —Kanye West, Gemini
AQUARIUS
Product code: AQU-J
PISCES
Spiritual Gangsta
Total Dreamer
January 20 - February 18
February 19 - March 20
TAURUS
Product code: TAU-J
GEMINI
First Class Rager
Self-Appointed Tyrant
Devious Minds
March 21 - April 19
April 20 - May 20
May 21 - June 20
Product code: PIS-J
Product code: GEM-J
YEAR
CANCER
Hypersensitive Soul June 21 - July 22 Product code: CAR-J
LEO
Product code: LEO-J
The Most Amazing Person on Earth
VIRGO
Product code: VIR-J
Clueless Perfectionist August 23 - September 22
July 23 - August 22
SAGITTARIUS
Product code: SAG-J
Casual Delinquent
LIBRA
The Self-Described Nice Person in the Room September 23 - October 22
Product code: LIB-J
SCORPIO
Product code: SCO-J
November 22 - December 21
Scary Ass Mind October 23 - November 21
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BATH BOMBS
new box size! Brand-new boxes for our bestselling bath bombs! We’ve created a smaller, square-shaped box that still holds all the silly wording!
DOG PEOPLE
Smells like a wet, drooling dog Ok. It doesn’t. Unless your dog is also taking a bath. Product code: DOG-B
TOP SELLER WHAT KIDS?
BIRTHDAY BLUES
I can’t hear you I can’t hear you I can’t hear you.
Which is cool, because I’m still 21. Just like every year.
Smells like every birthday after 21
Smells like a locked door
Product code: BIR-B
Product code: WHA-B
NAMASTE
Smells like enlightenment Or a cult. And a whole lot of green smoothies. Product code: NAM-B
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DAY DRINKING Smells like Saturday
And Sunday and Monday and Tuesday and you get the drill. Product code: DAY-B
BUT I MADE THAT ONE FOR YOU
YEAR
CAT PEOPLE
Smells like a fizzing hairball What? It’s not like there wasn’t one in the tub anyway. Product code: CAT-B
ZERO FUCKS
IT’S ONLY FRICKIN’ TUESDAY
And frankly, I don’t blame you. Much.
There’s no way in hell I’m going to make it to Friday, people.
Smells like you have none left to give
Smells like slowly dying
Product code: ZER-B
Product code: FRI-B
TEACHERS
MIDDLE CHILD
Or at least having PTSD about it.
Go ahead and dye your hair purple. No one will notice.
Product code: TEA-B
Product code: MID-B
Smells like grading papers, even on your honeymoon
Largely invisible scent
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WTF CANDLES hey, what the? Our 100% soy wax candles aren’t the most polite candles on the shelf, but as you know, they won’t stay on the shelf for long! Like it or leave it, profanity is frickin’ hot. So we’re introducing these precious and delicious-smelling pastel candles featuring your grandma’s favorite F word! And what the... one of these candles doesn’t even HAVE the F word on the label?! Oh well. Who fucking cares. WHAT THE F CANDLE? : Burn time 40 hours. Jar size: 2 3/4" diameter x 3 1/2" tall
FUCK THIS.
Smells like I’m over it Bye, Felicia. Amaretto Sour fragrance
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Product code: WT1-C
I FUCKING LOVE YOU
Smells like, I mean, probably You know how temperamental I can be. Pomegranate Champagne fragrance
Product code: WT2-C
YEAR
OH MY FUCK
Smells like someone’s knocked up
Product code: WT3-C
Who am I? Why am I here? Why is this candle talking to me?
Virgin Blue Raspberry Jello Shot fragrance
FUCK YEAH
Product code: WT4-C
Smells like an existential crisis
Congratulations! Your life is now over.
Smells like a celebratory drink
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?
Cucumber-Aloe Daquiri fragrance
Product code: WT5-C
SALTY BITCHES
Smells like who you calling salty?
Fuck yeah!
Bitch.
Blueberry Bourbon Fizz fragrance
Salty Dog Cocktail (grapefruit) fragrance
Product code: WT6-C
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FIRST
WORLD
PHOBIAS
THE STRUGGLE IS REAL
Ugh, life is like, SO hard. Luckily for you, we’ve created this new set of soy votives to burn away all those pesky first world phobias! First World Phobias Candles: Hand-poured soy votives. Burn time 20 hours. Box size: 2 7/8" H x 3"" W x 3" D
ADULTOPHOBIA
BUZZOPHOBIA
The fear of pouring your own cereal milk
The fear of that next drink "WOULD I LIKE ANOTHER ONE? I MEAN, YEAH, BUT LIKE, I HAVE TO GET UP EARLY TOMORROW AND I DON’T WANT TO BE TIRED BUT I MEAN... IF EVERYONE ELSE IS GETTING ONE THEN MAYBE I WILL! BUT I SHOULDN’T, I GUESS. SO, NO. WAIT, COME BACK! YES."
"HI MOM! I’M HOME! I BROUGHT ALL MY LAUNDRY FOR YOU AND I NEED MY FAVORITE JEANS BY LIKE 7 BECAUSE I’M MEETING PEOPLE OUT AND DID YOU BUY MY CEREAL? CAN YOU MAKE ME A BOWL? I’M BEAT." Product code: ADU-V
Apple Jacks fragrance
CHADOPHOBIA
DUCKOPHOBIA
Peach Margarita fragrance
Product code: BUZ-V
FAKEOPHOBIA
The fear of frat guys showing up
The fear of ducking autocorrect
The fear of fake ass people
"ME, TODD AND CHAD HAD THE MOST EPIC PARTY ON SATURDAY. DUDE, I T WAS EPIC! WE ICED CHAD SO M ANY TIMES, IT WAS EPIC! DUDE, H E TOTALLY PUKED ON MY DAD’S NEW CLUBS AND THEN PASSED OUT. I T WAS EPIC! MY DAD IS SO PISSED YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE. EPIC."
"DUCK THIS MEETING!
"OMG. IT’S SO GOOD TO FINALLY MEET YOU. I’VE HEARD SO MUCH ABOUT YOU. YOU HAVE THIS AMAAAZING AURA. AND LOOK AT T HAT OUTFIT! IT’S SO ORIGINAL. YOU MUST BE REALLY INTO RETRO. AND I JUST LOOOOOVE YOUR HAIR. DO YOU DO IT YOURSELF?"
Smirnoff Ice fragrance
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Product code: CHA-V
DUCK THIS MEETING! I MEANT... DUCK THIS MEETING! BLAH. DUCKING AUTOCORRECT."
Rubber Ducky Bubble Bath fragrance Product code: DUC-V
Vodka Diet Soda fragrance
Product code: FAK-V
GUACOPHOBIA
The fear of missing the twominute window of a ripe avocado
FRIENDOPHOBIA
"THE AVOCADOS LOOK AMAZING. BUT SHOULD I BUY ONE THAT’S NOT QUITE RIPE YET SO IT DOESN’T GET MUSHY BEFORE I USE IT OR DO I BUY THE RIPE ONE IN CASE I’M IN THE MOOD FOR AVOCADO TOAST IN THE MORNING... OR WILL I JUST LET IT ROT AGAIN OR... WHY AM I FREAKING OUT?"
The fear of connecting with someone and having to live up to it later
* AWKWARD SILENCE *
Fresh Guacamole fragrance
Neglected Cactus fragrance
Product code: GUA-V
Product code: FRI-V
RECAPOPHOBIA
MOISTOPHOBIA
The fear of hearing about your co-worker’s weekend
The fear of hearing a particular word "MOIST. MOIST. MOIST. MOIIIIIIST."
Moist Mangoes fragrance
Product code: MOI-V
"ME AND MY FRIENDS WENT OUT SATURDAY AND YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT HAPPENED AND WHO WE SAW AND WHERE WE WERE AND WHAT TIME WE GOT HOME AND WHAT I WORE AND LOOK AT MY SNAPCHAT AND HAHAHAHA ISN’T THAT SO FUNNY OMG AND THEN..." Product code: REC-V
Watermelon Shots fragrance
SHOPOPHOBIA
The fear of the cashier judging you for your sketchy selections "I ONLY WENT TO THE STORE BECAUSE I NEEDED TO BUY MY GRANDPA LAXATIVES AND PRUNE JUICE BUT I ENDED UP GETTING MILK, CHEETOS, SEEDLESS GRAPES, FROZEN PIZZA, MOUTHWASH, A BAG OF CHARCOAL, A TURKEY SUB, DOUGHNUTS AND A NEW HAIRBRUSH SO THE CASHIER Product code: SHO-V WOULDNT NOTICE."
Maraschino Cherries & Q-Tips fragrance
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PARTY
FUN! I T ’ S
Y O U R
PA RT Y! And you’ll cry (and whine and bitch and complain) if you want to. Hey! At least there’s free booze. And to complement the copious amounts of alcohol and free-flowing feelings, we’ve got the perfect party accoutrements! Emotionally Needy Napkins and Extremely Fickle Straws & Coasters will set the stage for your next drunken bitchfest. And don’t forget to invite me!
These cocktail napkins have issues. (Just like you and all your friends.) So stop taking them for granted and give them the attention they both crave and deserve. NEW Napkin Set: 21-pack of 3-ply 5" x 5" bi-fold cocktail napkins made with recycled material. Made in the USA. Box size: 5 1/8" L x 5 1/8" H x 1" D
7 NAPKIN STYLES PER PACK (3 OF EACH) YOU TREAT ME LIKE GARBAGE I FEEL LIKE YOU DON’T EVEN NEED ME GO AHEAD. JUST THROW ME AWAY LIKE THAT. NOBODY TAKES ME SERIOUSLY. I’M JUST A STUPID NAPKIN. YOU BARELY NOTICE ME ANYMORE. MOST PEOPLE JUST IGNORE ME. Product code: NAP-E
YOU’RE PROBABLY JUST USING ME AND THEN YOU’LL THROW ME AWAY.
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I’m not saying I’m fickle, but I’m not saying I’m not, either. I like to have it both ways. That’s why these paper straws are so perfect for the fickle at heart. Am I taken or single? Depends on what and how many I’m sipping through this straw. And don’t forget paper straws are all the rage these days! NEW Paper Straws Set: 20-pack of paper straws. Box size: 2 1/2" L x 7" H x 1/2" D
Product code: STR-E
F L I P YO U R COAS T E R? Well, I was chill until somebody broke out the PLASTIC straws. Flip my coaster over because now I’m totally TRIGGERED.
NEW Coaster Set: 4-pack 4" round cork coasters (1/4-inch thickness) printed on both sides. Box size: 4 1/8" L x 4 1/8" H x 1 1/4" D
Product code: COA-E
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OLD SCHOOL MATCHBOOKS Yeah, matches are USEFUL. And we know everyone likes lighting shit on fire occasionally… no? Just me and my student loan paperwork? Oh, ok. Anyway, throw a matchbook in with that candle you’re gifting! Leave it as the tip for your server! We know they will be just as surprised as you once they read what businesses are selling nowadays. Yikes! NEW Matchbooks in Countertop Display: 64-pack of old school 20-strike matchbooks with funny fake company names. Made in the USA. Box size: 6.5" L x 6.5" W x 6" H
ASSORTED MATCHBOOKS Product code: MAT-A
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I BRING MY LAX STICK TO BARS
YEAR
Tyler and Silver have no prob playing bros.
BROS KI.
BRO. BRA H .
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JOURNALS
with free display! Each pack comes with three different journals (4” x 5.5”) banded together. Journals are pocket-sized with rounded corners, blank pages and sturdy, colorful covers. So get your writin’ pencil ready. You’ve got some plagiarizing to do. 3 different 4" x 5.5" journals banded together. Sold in 4-packs. Free display with Journal Pre-Pack (JP1).
Product code: OKA-J
Product code: NUR-J
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Product code: CAT-J
TOP SELLERS Why I Live for Summers Ways Teachers are Underappreciated
Product code: DOG-J
Product code: WRI-J
Product code: TEA-J
Product code: PRO-J
Product code: GRA-J
Product code: ZER-J
Product code: WIN-J
Product code: GOA-J
Product code: MID-J
Product code: INT-J
Product code: DRA-J
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NEW
Fun fact: Joe has worn the same shirt in every single catalog.
SOAPS & CANDLES MILENNIALS Smells like leave me alone, boomer
Your jealousy is showing.
Green new deal scent Back side: aPairs well with avocado toast aAnd student loans aOK boomer.
GEN X
Product codes: MIL-S / MIL-C Soap
Candle
Smells like teen spirit Which smells like Doc Martens and the girl with the most cake.
Freshly laundered flanned scent
GEN Z
Back side: aPromotes slacking aLooks good in a flannel aPairs well with Nirvana
Smells like soft boys and TikTok Say whaaaa? You’re mystifying to the rest of us.
Baby lotion
Back side: aGaming is life aThis soap is so cringe aJK, I low-key love soap Product codes: GEZ-S / GEZ-C Soap
Candle
Product codes: GEX-S / GEX-C
Soap
Candle
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NEW SOAPS & CANDLES
REDHEADS
Smells like a fiery disposition and bathing in sunblock And don’t listen to what they say. Of COURSE you have a soul.
Chelsey is a "real" redhead. For now.
Spicy cider
Product codes: RED-S / RED-C
Soap
Candle
Back side: aYes, it’s real aI’m wearing red anyway aCan we NOT talk about my hair?
Testosterone light
Back side: aBro! aBroskiiii! aBrah.
Product codes: BRO-S / BRO-C Soap
BROMANCE
Candle
Smells like someone has a new friend It’s just so precious.
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NEW SOAPS & CANDLES We said to sit up straight, but Quinn had other ideas.
THE ONLY CHILD
Smells like an imaginary friend
Product codes: ONC-S / ONC-C
Or an entire circus. Depends how lonely you are.
Soap
Candy apple of my eye scent
Back side: a Sharing? Never heard of it a What are "other people"? a My parents are my besties
Candle
FRIDAY FEELS Smells like my second favorite F word
It’s almost weekend o’clock and rady to get my drink on.
Lunchtime cocktails scent
BESTIES
Smells like petty gossip and a lot of venting So drink up, buttercup. ’Cuz we’re not doing this sober.
Grape hard seltzer scent Back side: a No one else gets us a Who cares a Support your local girl gang
Product codes: BES-S / BES-C
Soap
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Candle
Back side: aEnhances good vibes aStaves off Mondays aIs it 5 yet?
Product codes: FFE-S / FFE-C Soap
Candle
NEW SOAPS & CANDLES
When Jessey is busy thinking about what to think about .
OVERTHINKERS
Head shop scent
Smells like the moon landing was real Or was it? Is Tupac still alive? Why is White Claw so good?
Product codes: OVE-S / OVE-C
Back side: a Could a unicorn exist? a Are 12 toes a thing? a How much water can I drink before exploding?
Candle
Soap
We all know one, don’t we? Chris (not THAT Chris) plays the part well, doncha think?
THE TROPHY HUSBAND Smells like sittin’ back and lookin’ good Living your best life.
Tricked-out Porsche Product codes: TRO-S / TRO-C
Soap
Candle
Back side: a Looks good on your arm a Looks good in anything... or nothing a Jealous much?
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TOP SELLERS
CAT PEOPLE
THE FIRST CHILD
Smells like purring
And a fresh hairball under your foot.
Smells like you’re just more important
You just had to have your own soap, didn’t you.
Product codes: CAT-S / CAT-C Soap Product codes: FIC-S / FIC-C
Brand-new everything (Wintergreen) Back side: aReduces parental pressure aKeeps younger siblings out of your stuff aIs practically perfect, too
Soap
Candle
Warm milk scent
Back side: aMy cat has an Instagram aLint rollers in the car aDog people suck
SOCIAL ANXIETY
TEACHERS
Smells like a list of pre-planned excuses
Smells like grading papers... even on your honeymoon
Are you kidding me? I really did break my glass eye and set the waterbed on fire.
Or at least not having PTSD from it.
Product codes: SOC-S / SOC-C
Product codes: TEA-S / TEA-C
Soap Poisoned apple
Vodka Vitamin Water Back side: aI have Ebola aMy hamster ran away aI just found out I’m a hologram
Candle
Candle
Back side: aIDK, CAN you go to the bathroom? aDon’t you dare say "Wikipedia" aI just realized I don’t even like kids
DOG PEOPLE
Soap
Candle
ZERO CARBS
Smells like unconditional love
Smells like starving to death
And drool. Lots and lots of drool.
Thank God for vodka.
Product codes: DOG-S / DOG-C Soap
Back side: aDrawer of embarrassing costumes aWet chew toys everywhere aCat people are freaks
Soap Cucumber water
Grassy dog park scent
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Product codes: ZCA-S / ZCA-C
Candle
Back side: a I. a Need. a Bread.
Candle
Cannabis scent
TOP SELLERS
COLORADO IS THE STANDARD Product codes: STO-S / STO-C COLORADO Soap
Product codes: VTS-S / VTS-C
Product codes: NES-S / NES-C
VERMONT Soap
NEVADA Soap
VERMONT Candle
NEVADA Candle
COLORADO Candle Back side: aGateway soap aAntagonizes DEA aApproved for medicinal purposes
Product codes: CST-S / CST-C
Product codes: MIS-S / MIS-C
Product codes: OST-S / OST-C
Product codes: WST-S / WST-C
CALIFORNIA Soap
MICHIGAN Soap
OREGON Soap
WASHINGTON Soap
CALIFORNIA Candle
MICHIGAN Candle
OREGON Candle
WASHINGTON Candle
Product codes: ILL-S / ILL-C
ILLINOIS Soap
ILLINOIS Candle
FUCKING MEETINGS Product codes: MAS-S / MAS-C
Product codes: AKS-S / AKS-C
MASSACHUSETTS Soap
ALASKA Soap
MASSACHUSETTS Candle
ALASKA Candle
Product codes: DCS-S / DCS-C
Product codes: MES-S / MES-C
WASH DC Soap
MAINE Soap
Smells like this could have been an email And this is why I drink.
Product codes: FME-S / FME-C
Soap WASH DC Candle
Bourbon in my coffee
MAINE Candle
Back side: a Per. a My. a Last email.
BIRTHDAY BLUES
THE WALKING DEAD
Smells like every birthday after 21
Smells like a nurse on a double-shift Who made that legal?
Which is cool, because I’m still 21. Just like every year.
Product codes: BIR-S / BIR-C
Product codes: WDE-S / WDE-C
Soap
Soap
Sad birthday cake Back side: aI never get carded anymore aAnd I’m STILL 21. Pinky swear. aWill you stop counting already?
Candle
Jello on my scrubs Candle
Back side: a Repels know-it-alls a Enhances card game skills a Smiles sarcastically for you
Candle
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TOP SELLERS
ZERO FUCKS Smells like you have none left to give
And frankly, I don’t blame you. Much.
TOP 10 candles
Product codes: ZER-S / ZER-C Soap
Fucking Meetings
Creamsicle scent
It’s Only Frickin’ Tuesday
Back side: aTired aOf aIt
Candle
GRAMMAR POLICE Smells like your annoying
Ahahaha. It’s so easy to get under your skin.
Dog People Cat People Product codes: GRA-S / GRA-C Soap
Day Drinking
Jelly doughnut scent Candle
Birthday Blues
Back side: aYour/you’re aTheir/there/they’re aThings I’ve just learned since Facebook
THE MIDDLE CHILD
Middle Child
Largely invisible scent Go ahead and dye your hair purple. No one will notice.
Okay Moms A New Home Product codes: MID-S / MID-C Soap
Zero Fucks
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Purple haze scent (Grape scented) Back side: aMagnifies misery aYour sister’s wedding was just beautiful aWho are you again?
Candle
#GOALS
Smells like perfect abs and a fabulous career
Unicorn farts (Rainbow sherbet) Back side: aWrinkle-free everything aCalorie-free pizza aEx in a man romper
TOP SELLERS
BOOK CLUB
Smells like why. Oh yeah, wine.
It would help if I got out of bed before noon. #fail
I’m in like four book clubs and I only read cereal boxes.
Product codes: GOA-S / GOA-C
Product codes: BOO-S / BOO-C
Soap
Soap Wine and paperbacks
Candle
Candle
A NEW HOME
A MAN’S MAN
Smells like new beginnings
Which, I guess smells like wet bear fur and salmon. Yum.
So try to keep that emotional baggage in the garage, ok?
Smells like Alaska
Product codes: MAN-S / MAN-C
Product codes: ANE-S / ANE-C
Soap Blizzard campfire scent
Back side: aGood for bear wrasslin’ aDoesn’t talk much either aWill drink you under the hand-hewn table
Candle
Smells like slowly dying
There’s no way in hell I’m going to make it to Friday, people.
Product codes: FRI-S / FRI-C Soap
Soap Trendy terrarium
IT’S ONLY FRICKIN’ TUESDAY
Gum smacking co-worker scent (Spearmint) Back side: aWake me up on Thursday aI’m already four coffees in aYawn.
Back side: aPairs well with gossip aAnd wine aAnd more wine
Candle
Back side: aA fresh start! aA clean slate! aIt’ll be a mess in no time
Candle
OKAY MOMS
Smells like truth And wine. Probably a lot of wine.
Product codes: OKA-S / OKA-C
Soap Sippy cup wine Candle
Back side: aPairs well with nap time aIs also tired of perfect moms aYour kids love you anyway
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AWKWARD MOMENTS
Smells like your entire life Increases instances of missed highfives & blind dates with your dad
Product codes: AWK-S / AWK-C
Soap
THE BASIC
Smells like Lululemon and Finstas Oh. Em. Gee. Let’s get lit tonight and sing 80s songs at karaoke.
Product codes: BAS-S / BAS-C
Soap
Sketchy ointment scent
Pumpkin spice latte
Back side: aFly unzipped aUnwanted eye contact aWrong person
Candle
BEER WHISPERERS Smells like IPA insanity
Bright, fresh and piney with hints of nobody cares and where’s my PBR?
Product codes: BEE-S / BEE-C Soap
Candle
Back side: aMy hair straightener is bomb AF aI’m just wearing leggings aChipotle is my liiiife
BEING AWESOME
Smells like a cool story, bro No really. I looove hearing every single detail about that one time.
Product codes: BEI-S / BEI-C
Soap
Oatmeal stout Back side: aThe proof is in the beer belly aSome of us just want a buzz aUh-oh: Craft weed is trending....
Candle
Candle
CLASSY AF
THE CREATIVE TYPE
Smells like sink bathing and dry shampoo
Smells like brain vomit
And then dressed up to get messed up.
You can’t help it. The ideas just spew everywhere.
Product codes: CLA-S / CLA-C Soap The little black soap (Fragrance: Black currant)
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Back side: aChampagne in a Solo cup aHeels at the gym aMani-pedi before sentencing
Candle
One surfing lesson scent (Ocean scented) Back side: aDude. aFist bump! aAwesomesauce.
Smelly marker Back side: aPairs well with a Sharpie aThe one in your pocket aThat vandalizes bathroom stalls all by itself
Product codes: CRE-S / CRE-C Soap
Candle
DAD BODS
DAD JOKES
Smells like cookies & cable sports
Smells like groaning kids
YEAR
Why do the jokes always happen in the car? #captiveaudience
Hey, it’s not your fault if chicks are into it
Product codes: DAJ-S / DAJ-C
Product codes: DAD-S / DAD-C Soap
Soap Corniest corn bread
Toasted marshmallow scent Back side: aPairs well with couch time aBuilds unwavering confidence aBring me another beer
Candle
Candle
DAY DRINKING
DELINQUENTS
Smells like Saturday
Smells like detention and the back of the bus
And Sunday and Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday and you get the drill.
And probably a successful entrepreneur in the future
Product codes: DAY-S / DAY-C
Product codes: DEL-S / DEL-C
Soap
Soap
Mojitos
Back side: aPairs well with daytime TV aHelps pass the time aSeamless segue into nighttime drinking
Spiked Gatorade Candle
Back side: aTalks back aDislikes authority aIs the envy of everyone
DRINKING BUDDIES
Candle
FAKE NEWS
Smells like a match made in tequlia
Smells like drinking the Kool-Aid
Keeping the local bar open. Just another service we provide.
No wonder everyone has their heads in the sand.
Product codes: FAK-S / FAK-C
Product codes: DRI-S / DRI-C
Soap
Soap Orange Kool-Aid
Dos margaritas Back side: a Fancy meeting you here a Just like yesterday a Barkeep!
Back side: aHey Dad, make me a sandwich aPoof! You’re a sandwich a#sloweyeroll
Candle
Back side: aYou’re fake news aNo, you are! aTakes one to know one, poser news
Candle
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FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS
Smells like your European vacation was a real bummer What, your wifi isn’t working? Tears, buddy.
Product codes: FIR-S / FIR-C I said no almonds (Almond scented) Back side: aHot Pocket is still frozen aMy AC is FREEZING aRipped jeans now too ripped
Soap
Candle
HANGOVERS
Smells like hair of the dog And don’t talk to me again until I’m on my second Bloody Mary.
Product codes: HAN-S / HAN-C Soap
GETTIN’ LIT
Smells like lunchtime cocktails and other bad ideas But I like bad ideas. Meet me around noon?
Product codes: GET-S / GET-C Soap Umbrella drinks (Tropical scented) Candle
Back side: aWho cares if it’s only Tuesday aIt’ll break up the week aLet’s do this
HAPPY CAMPERS Smells like an oxymoron
You know you can just make s’mores in the microwave, right?
Product codes: HAP-S / HAP-C Soap
Nuked s’mores
Bloody Mary scent
Back side: aWhy do I do this to myself? aLast night was fun, lol aWhat’s on tap for tonight?
Candle
HIPSTERS
Coffee, bacon & craft beer
Candle
Back side: aIncreases instances of squatting in the woods aWho needs plumbing? aBugs are people, too
HOT MESSES
Smells like major entertainment
Smells just like your beard
Seriously, I can’t wait to hear your latest installment.
Product codes: HIP-S / HIP-C Soap
Product codes: HOT-S / HOT-C Soap
Coffee, bacon & craft beer scent
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Back side: aEncourages pretension aSustains elitism aDisintegrates into normcore when wet
Cheap lip gloss scent Candle
Candle
Back side: aEncourages late nights aEnhances walks of shame aKnows the best happy hours
IT’S FINE
INTROVERTS
Smells like somebody’s passive-aggressive
Unscented
Because seriously, you’re not going anywhere anyway
No, really. It’s fine. I’m fine. It’s all fine. Really.
Product codes: ITF-S / ITF-C
Product codes: INT-S / INT-C
Soap
Soap Unscented
Plain tap water
Back side: aGreat solo activity aRespects your space aWon’t ask you to an event
Candle
Back side: aWhatever aI’m not mad aIt’s fine
Candle
LAST NIGHT
KARMA
Smells like I can’t even
Scented with HAHAHAHA.
Just... no.
Sorry not sorry.
Product codes: KAR-S / KAR-C Soap
Candle
Product codes: LAS-S / LAS-C
Laughing Buddha scent (Sandalwood scented) Back side: aHa. aHa. aHa.
Soap Too much champagne Back side: aEliminates morning sun aWashes away drunk texts aIncreases invisibility
Candle
MANSPLAINING
LEFTIES
Smells like thank you sooooo much
Can’t you like, be normal or something?
I never would have figured out the pencil sharpener without you.
Product codes: LEF-S / LEF-C
Product codes: MNG-S / MNG-C
Smells like the weird scissors
Soap Preschool Paste Jar scent (Mint)
Back side: aThe old gross baseball glove aBackwards coffee mugs aDinnertime elbow wars
Soap This is how coffee smells
Candle
Back side: aSo THAT’S how you spell my name aAnd spell my hometown aAnd dress like a real woman
Candle
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MESSY PEOPLE
MIDLIFE CRISIS
Smells like a potential genius
Smells like a motorcycle
Just look at Einstein, Steve Jobs, and all those people on Hoarders.
Or a perm. Or a food truck.
Product codes: MIC-S / MIC-C
Product codes: MEP-S / MEP-C
Soap
Soap Unopened Mr. Clean
Kumquat tree scent
Back side: aAdds to clutter! aLooks good on a messy desk aFun find 2 years later!
Candle
MORNING PEOPLE
Smells like enlightenment Or a cult. And a whole lot of green smoothies.
Product codes: NAM-S / NAM-C Soap
Sugar cereal coma scent
Candle
Back side: aWhat alarm? aStop talking so loud aI can cut you
Candle
Om scent (Lavender & eucalyptus scented) Back side: aGratitude for yoga pants aDownward dog anyplace, anywhere, anytime aBreathe.
QUEENS
NAPPING
Smells like major drama
Smells like my one true love
And if you don’t like this soap, I’m going to set myself on fire!
Seriously. Don’t try to come between me and my naps, ’less you want cut.
Product codes: NAP-S / NAP-C
Product codes: QUE-S / QUE-C Soap
Soap Mtn. Dew sugar crash Candle
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Candle
NAMASTE
Smells like a hell no
Uh-oh. Does somebody have a case of the Mondays?
Product codes: MOR-S / MOR-C Soap
Back side: aWon’t fade new tattoos aMild on recent piercings aLikes 22-year-olds, too
Back side: aMidmorning nap aAfter-lunch nap aAfter-nap nap
Just bite me scent (Cherry candy scented) Back side: aTalk to the hand. aI’m. Going. Out. And don’t even think of following me a(Text me later, boo)
Candle
SALTY SERVERS
SHIT SHOWS
Smells like petty customers and biting your tongue
Strawberry milkshake Back side: aWashes away bad tippers aRinses off dietary restrictions aSeparates the check for you
Smells like last night
It’s so funny you think I’m going to bring you that side of ranch, tho
And basically my whole life, in case you were wondering.
Product codes: SAL-S / SAL-C
Product codes: SHI-S / SHI-C Soap
Soap
Fireball shots scent (red hot cinnamon) Back side: aI did what? aSo THAT’S how I got that bruise aIt was fun, though, right?
Candle
SLIGHTLY UNHINGED
SINGLE LADIES
Smells like Beyoncé’s breath
Smells like unpredictable behavior
And the best time of your life.
Which is completely sexy until you stab someone
Product codes: SLI-S / SLI-C
Product codes: SIN-S / SIN-C Soap
Jello shots scent
Lemonade Back side: aDo whatever the F you want aNo in-laws aShould’ve put a ring on it....
Candle
Candle
Back side: a20% scary aAlways exciting a35% scarier after cocktails
Soap
Candle
SUNDAY FUNDAY
SMALL TOWNS
Smells like mimosas & cheap gossip
Smells like everything is relative
And a Monday morning call-in sick day.
But not like marrying your relative or anything. Chill out. It’s just a date.
Product codes: SUN-S / SUN-C Product codes: SMA-S / SMA-C Soap
Candle
Soap Mimosas scent
Root beer float Back side: aOMG, high school sports! aWe’re getting a Chipotle??? aComplain all you want, but you’ll miss it when you leave
Back side: aBooze-soaked appetizers aBooze-soaked future plans aBooze-soaked Uber ride home
Candle
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BEHIND THE SCENES
Hey Abby. Look fierce! No? Ok, look mean. No? Ok. Hey! Stop laughing. This is supposed to be serious.
Ok, we lied earlier. Quinn was a perfect little model.
WRITER’S BLOCK
THE YOUNGEST
Smells like regurgitated ideas and probably a vampire
Smells like an afterthought
Why are you always in the way?
Come on. It’s a bar of soap, not magic. Try vodka.
Product codes: YNG-S / YNG-C
Product codes: WRI-S / WRI-C Soap
Candle
Cheap whiskey scent
Baby lotion
Back side: aZaps implausible plots aEliminates derivative work aBetter for your liver
Back side: aYou’ll get your turn aYou’re so lucky to have all these hand-me-downs! aYou’ll always be the baby
YOU’RE THE WORST
Smells like a comb-over
But a really super terrific comb-over like you’ve never seen before.
(That, and you’ve got a really cute butt.)
Product codes: YUG-S / YUG-C
Product codes: YOU-S / YOU-C
Soap
Soap Snarky candy hearts
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Candle
YUGE MISTAKES
Smells like that’s why I love you
Candle
Soap
Back side: aYou’re lucky I’m so desperate a(Lol) aYou’ll do
Fat cat scent (Cubans & cognac) Back side: aMakes washing great again aOnly losers don’t use soap aIncredible formula made by the best most intelligent people
Candle
BEHIND THE SCENES
YEAR
Zane and Charlie Brown work closely together to set up our studio pics.
NOTES: For those of you who are over 2,000 years old or are living off the grid—yet inexplicably reading our wholesale catalog—this is what’s called a "fire emoji", and it is strategically placed throughout the catalog on our hottest items. Note that ALL Astrology is HOT HOT HOT. And "HOT" is a word used to indicate... are you still reading this?!? Get a hobby, pal.
FYI: Some of our candles have slightly revised copy on the labels because silly lines about “lathering up” don’t make a lick of sense on a candle and we adhere to a stringent 20% rule about making sense. ’NOTHER FYI: All our soaps, candles and bath bombs are handmade, so no two look exactly alike. Expect some deviation! MORE FYI GARBAGE: INGREDIENTS: Some of our soaps contain a few extras, like glitter in the Queens. The basic ingredients (which are all printed on the labels) are: Coconut oil, palm oil, safflower oil, glycerine, purified water, sodium hydroxide, sorbitol, sorbitan oleate, soy bean protein, coloring, fragrance. Bath Bombs contain sodium bicarbonate, citric acid (for fizzing), food-grade PEG, alcohol, coloring and fragrance. Some contain small amounts of glitter. Bath bombs for Dog People also contain activated charcoal for color. NOTE: Bath bombs are just for fun. Caution: For adult use only. Use only as directed. Excessive use or prolonged exposure may cause irritation to skin and urinary tract. Keep out of eyes and mouth. Discontinue use if rash, redness, or itching occur. Consult your physician if irritation persists. Keep out of the reach of children. Our candles are 100% soy wax with added color & fragrance. The end.
ORDER MINIMUMS: First order: $150.00 – any combination of current Whiskey River products. Re-orders: $100.00 – any combination of current Whiskey River soaps, candles, bath bombs and journals. TERMS: New accounts: Prepaid via check, money order, cash or credit card. Please attach a credit sheet for future terms Net 30. Established accounts: Net 30. Terms and Conditions of Credit • All orders must be paid no later than 30 days from the date shipped. • A credit limit will be placed on your account. If your account exceeds this limit, prepayment may be required. • Customer shall pay Whiskey River Soap Co. all costs, expenses, legal and collection fees as incurred in enforcing the terms and conditions as allowed by law. PAYMENT: Company check, money order, cash, credit card, PayPal, Apple Pay, or ACH bank transfers. SHIPPING: Orders shipped via UPS within the continental USA or via Priority Mail elsewhere, unless otherwise specified. Freight charges will be determined at time of shipping and will be added to each invoice. All domestic freight charges are capped at 15% of the wholesale order total. All shipments will be charged the actual freight cost of the order(s). Rates and service subject to change at any time at the sole discretion of the Whiskey River Soap Co. CLAIMS: Any claims for damaged or mis-shipped items must be made within 7 days of receipt of merchandise by notifying your sales rep. Claims must be supported with pictures of product, tracking number, and outer carton. RETURNS: Returns are not accepted for any merchandise unless items are damaged or mis-shipped. For damaged or mis-shipped items, a return authorization number is required and must appear on all related correspondence. All returned merchandise must be received within 30 days of receipt of merchandise and be in 100% resalable condition for credit. A 25% restocking fee will be deducted for items received in poor condition and/or received beyond the 30 day return window. Return freight is the responsibility of the customer and must be prepaid by the customer. Please call 740-973-9817 for authorization and additional instructions. PRICING: Prices are subject to change without notice. This order form and pricing supersedes all others. 2020 prices are effective January 1, 2020. NOTE ABOUT PERISHABLE PRODUCTS: Our products are perishable. Treat them as you would chocolate or a wounded kitten. They must be stored in cool, dry conditions to maintain optimum shelf life. Do not place products in direct sunlight or leave in warm, humid environments like a hot car or a Brazilian discotheque.
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PRE-PACKS astrology pencil-pack
astrology soap-pack
All 12 Astrology Pencil Packs
All 12 Astrology Soap Packs
(4 packs each sign) with
(4 packs each sign) with
FREE DISPLAY
FREE DISPLAY
Product code: AP1
Product code: AS1
astrology candle-pack
astrology journal-pack
All 12 Astrology Candle Sets
All 12 Astrology Journal Sets
(4 candles each sign)
(4 journals each sign)
Product code: AC1
Product code: AJ1
soap-pack
SP1 BEST SELLERS SOAPS 14-PACK
Comes with 14 best sellers (4 soaps each) for a total of 56 soaps, plus a FREE DISPLAY on your first order! Product code: SP1
display
journal display
FREE when you fill it
FREE when filled with journals and with JP1 on initial journal orders.
with product! Product code: DB
Additional fee for extra displays. Product code: JD
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pencil display
new pencil-pack
YEAR
FREE when filled with pencils. Additional fee for extra displays.
The top 12 pencil styles (4 styles each) for a total of 48 pencil packs. Comes with FREE DISPLAY
Product code: PD
Product code: PP1
BP1 BATH BOMBS 10-PACK
bomb-pack Comes with all 10 bath bomb styles s(4 bombs each), 40 total bombs Product code: BP1
candle-pack
CP1 BEST SELLERS CANDLES 6-PACK
Comes with 6 best sellers (3 candles each) for a total of 18 candles. Product code: CP1
all-white candle option If you would prefer your candles to all be WHITE for aesthetic reasons, we’re down with that! NO EXTRA CHARGE!
liquid soap pack Comes with all 8 Variety Liquid Soap styles (4 bottles each), 32 total bottles of liquid soap. Product code: LS1
Product code: AWC
journal-pack Comes with a case pack of 10 best-selling journal sets & FREE display (40 journal sets). Product code: JP1
astrology liquid soap pack includes: Teachers Grammar Police Procrastinators Nurses Zero Fucks Drama Queens Introverts Cat People Dog People Okay Moms
Comes with all 12 Astrology Liquid Soap styles (4 bottles each), 48 total bottles of liquid soap. Product code: AL1
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