February 2020 by Western New York Family Magazine

We Heart Valentine’s Day!

Hands-on Parent & Child, 1 hr., $10 with Shoppers Club In this “berry” busy session, kids will make a yummy Berry Blast Salad, Chocolate-Drizzled Fruit and a Brownie Cup Sundae.

See More At: www.wegmans.com AGES 4 & UP - HANDS-ON PARENT & CHILD - 1 HOUR. Pre-registration Encouraged

$10 WITH SHOPPERS CLUB WEGMANS LOCATIONS

675 Alberta Drive Amherst, 14226 2/9 @ 11am BUFFALO 601 Amherst Street Buffalo, 14207 2/8 @ 11am

AMHERST 3135 Niagara Falls Blvd. 8270 Transit Road Amherst, 14228 Williamsville, 14221 2/8 @ 11am 2/15 @ 11am & 1pm 651 Dick Road Depew, 14043 2/9 @ 11am

DEPEW 4960 Transit Road Depew, 14043 2/15 @ 11am

5275 Sheridan Drive Williamsville, 14221 2/8 @ 11am NIAGARA FALLS 1577 Military Road Niagara Falls, 14304 2/22 @ 9am

BLASDELL S3740 McKinley Parkway Blasdell, 14219 2/8 @ 11am WEST SENECA 370 Orchard Park Road West Seneca, 14224 2/29 @ 11am

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EDITOR & PUBLISHER Michele Miller GENERAL MANAGER Paul Kline SALES REPRESENTATIVES Jennifer Staebell Paul Kline GRAPHIC DESIGNERS Karen Wawszczyk Melanie Schroeder CONTRIBUTORS Barbara Blackburn • Donna Phillips 3DWULFN +HPSÀQJ 'HERUDK :LOOLDPV Kathy Lundquist • Myrna Beth Haskell Mike Daugherty

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Have a Blizzard Blast: Cold Weather Fun for the Family! by Kimberly Blaker

Let It Snow: 5 Wintery Experiments for Your Budding Scientists by Jan Pierce

12 Q

Is Your Valentine Worn Out by Parenting? by Pam Moore

14 Q

Set the Stage for a Positive Dental Visit for Your Child by Kimberly Blaker

20 Q

Raising Healthy, Happy Kids in a World of Noise

42 Q

The Family Pet Good Things Come In Small Packages

45 Q

Why Time Apart Might Be the Perfect Marriage Elixir by Pam Moore

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Visit Our Web Site www.wnyfamilymagazine.com 7R 5HDFK 8V Advertising Department advertising@wnyfamilymagazine.com Calendar Submissions calendar@wnyfamilymagazine.com Subscriptions subscriptions@wnyfamilymagazine.com Editorial Submissions michele@wnyfamilymagazine.com MAILING ADDRESS: 3147 Delaware Ave., Suite B Buffalo, NY 14217 Phone: (716) 836-3486 • Fax: (716) 836-3680 PRINTED BY: Commercial Printing Division The Post-Journal, Jamestown WE ARE AN AUDITED PUBLICATION CIRCULATION (copies printed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

@SUcZO`a( 5 Q Web Finds / What’s New In The Kid Biz 10 Q Pick of the Literature by Dr. Donna Phillips 16 Q Special Needs Delayed Tooth Eruption: Baby Teeth and Down Syndrome

18 Q Raising Digital Kids Continuous Partial Attention by Mike Daugherty 24 Q Calendar of Events 28 Q Family Travel Plan a Romantic Close-To-Home Getaway by Deborah Williams 30 Q Dad & Daughter Discussions Savor the Moment E\ 3DWULFN - / +HPSÀQJ 31 Q Parent Previews Arctic Dogs by Kirsten Hawke & Brooke Berry 33 Q Dear Teacher by Peggy Gisler & Marge Eberts 34 Q Tweens and Teens Brutal Boyfriends: What Every Parent Should Know by Myrna Beth Haskell 36 Q Single Parenting Give the Other Parent Space to Grieve by Diane Dierks, LMFT 46 Q The Kid Friendly Kitchen Valentine’s Gifts by Kathy Lundquist 47 Q The Kiddie Gourmet Smoke on the Water by Barbara Blackburn

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Choosing Childcare Summer Camps Let’s Party Wellness Choices

<RX¶OO ¿QG FREE courtesy copies of WNY Family at all Buffalo area :HJPDQV DQG ORFDWLRQV LQFOXGLQJ 3XEOLF /LEUDULHV 'RFWRUV¶ 2I¿FHV &KLOG &DUH &HQWHUV DQG PDQ\ RI RXU DGYHUWLVHUV (Look for us INSIDE Wegmans on the racks where newspapers are sold or at the service desk... but we’re still FREE...Copies are restocked twice a week, but they go fast!)

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(Be sure to drain your hose and shut off the water from inside your house when done.)

Go sledding. If you have small hills in your backyard, use a trash bag for sliding down them. Better yet, head to some real hills at area parks with your toboggan or sled. Keep safety rules in mind for safe wintery fun.

Indoor Activities For Blustery Days

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%OL]]DUG %ODVW Cold Weather Fun for The Family!

f your kids are like most, school snow closings are the highlight of the winter season. Get into the spirit with some of these fun outdoor activities. After you’ve expended your energy outdoors, there’s plenty of fun to be had indoors as well.

Outdoor Winter Frolic Take a snowshoe hike. Buy or borrow snowshoes for the family, and JR RQ D WUHN WKURXJK WKH ZRRGV RU D ¿HOG Take your compass. But also tie brightly colored strips of fabric to tree branches to mark your path. Dress warm and keep track of time to prevent overtiring and frostbite. Look for animal tracks and burrows; identify trees by the bark and shape of their trunks; learn how to tell the time or direction by the position of the sun; and other nature and survival activities.

Visit the zoo. During the winter months, arctic and cold climate animals may be more active, and indoor exhibits are easier to view because of smaller crowds. Build an igloo or snow fort. Choose a day when the snow is suitable for packing. Use a square or rectanguODU SODVWLF FRQWDLQHU RU ¿QG VSHFLDOO\ designed “snow block makers” in toy departments, for building snow forts. Be :1< )DPLO\ )HEUXDU\

sure to stagger the blocks for support.

Take a winter carriage ride. Look for horse-drawn carriages in tourist or trendy towns and quaint villages. Bundle up, and take warm blankets and hot beverages. Then enjoy a cozy ride through a snowy, festive town.

Enjoy a winter fest. Visit your chamber of commerce or state travel bureau website for a list of winter festivals and events. Activities to look for include OLJKW GLVSOD\V ¿UHZRUNV ZLQWHU VSRUWV competitions, recreational activities, exhibits and ice sculpture displays, sleigh rides, snowshoe tours, and more.

Have a snow-sculpting contest, and invite your neighbors to participate. Roll a snowball as large DV \RX FDQ 7KHQ ¿OO EXFNHWV ZLWK VQRZ and carefully dump them on top. Gently pack the snow and smooth it with your mittens. Sculpt and shape your creation using small shovels and gardening tools. When your sculpture is complete, gently pack and smooth it with your hands again.

Make an ice tree. Turn an evergreen tree in your yard into a winter display. When the temperature is in the 20s, turn the water hose on low, and spray upward and toward the trunk of the tree. As ice forms, continue spraying until you achieve your desired effect.

Head to a museum. Be a tourist in your own town and head to a local museum that you probably haven’t visited in a while. Grab your skates and head to your nearest rink. Our area boasts plenty of outdoor and indoor ice rinks. Create an indoor snow family. Buy black and white clay from an arts and crafts supply. Roll snow people out of the white clay, and shape hats with the black. Make arms with tiny twigs, scarves from narrow fabric strips, eyes and buttons from whole pepper, and noses from broken orange-colored toothpicks.

Tour a manufacturing plant, a ﬁrehouse, a bakery, or any other site that interests your family. Tours are often available to the public even if they aren’t ZHOO SXEOLFL]HG -XVW FDOO WR ¿QG RXW LI they are willing to accommodate you.

View the winter sky. Visit a planetarium to see constellations and some of the brightest stars of the year. Hold a winter movie fest. Invite friends over, rent a selection of movies, and have everyone bring their pillows or beanbag chairs. Don’t forget the buttery popcorn and hot chocolate. If you’ve had enough of winter, hold a Hawaiian luau instead. Choose summery or vacation themed movies. Serve cold drinks with little umbrellas and fruit on top. And don’t forget the beach towels.

Make up funny skits with friends then put on a show for parents and neighbors. Choose household products and create silly advertisements.

Make up goofy songs or poems about each product and dress up for the part. Be sure to videotape the skits for hilarious family memories.

Put together a winter emergency kit. Include spare hats, PLWWHQV VFDUYHV DQG ERRWV D ÀDVKOLJKW and other items in case you get stranded. Your home kit should include items for a snow-in or power loss. Have everyone work together to create a list and gather items for the kits.

String a snowﬂake streamer. 0DNH VQRZÀDNHV E\ IROGing white paper several times and then trimming different shapes around the HGJHV 2SHQ WKH VQRZÀDNHV WKHQ VWULQJ them on a piece of yarn, and hang it across the room.

Visit the library to snuggle up for a relaxing read. When you arrive, OHDUQ KRZ DQG ZKHUH WR ¿QG ERRNV RQ your interests such as sports, science, or a hobby. Then choose several books to bring home. Don’t forget to check out music CDs, audiobooks, videos, computer games, and magazines for plenty of indoor entertainment.

Get away at a weekend resort. Check your travel agency for one of the many winter resorts for outdoor enthusiasts that offer activities and accommodations for the whole family. Try downhill or cross country skiing, snowshoe excursions, and more.

Make a winter trivia game. Buy a pack of small index cards. Then write a question on each card related to snow, winter weather, winter safety, arctic animals, or any other winter-related topic you can think of. Write the answers below. To play the game, take turns reading the questions while other SOD\HUV VKRXW WKHLU DQVZHUV 7KH ¿UVW person with the correct answer scores a point. Kimberly Blaker is a freelance parenting and lifestyle writer. She also writes content and blog posts for businesses for a wide range of industries and is an expert in on-page SEO. Find her at kimberlyblaker.com

&XUHV IRU ª&DELQ )HYHU« HORSE DRAWN SLEIGH RIDES The Stateline Draft Horse Club will be providing sleigh or wagon rides around the grounds of the Chautauqua Institution (weather dependent) every weekend through the end of February. Rides are from 1pm to 3pm, leaving about every half hour from the parking lot beside the Chautauqua Bookstore. Tickets will be available at the Chautauqua Bookstore starting around 12:30pm on the day of the rides. Tickets: $5 for adults, $3 for children. The Chautauqua Bookstore is open daily from 9am to 5pm. For more information, call 716-357-2151.

THE ICE AT CANALSIDE There are plenty of activities here to keep your family busy on a winter day — ice bikes, ice bumper cars, curling, ice skating, igloos in which to keep warm, ice bowling, and even a “Skate in Your PJs Day” on February 2nd from 10am-2pm. Come dressed in your favorite PJs and receive $1.00 off admission and FREE skate rentals! Visit https://buffalowaterfront.com for their full schedule of events.

WINTER FESTIVALS FESTIVAL OF FIRE & ICE • Saturday, February 8, 2020 This annual celebration of winter outdoor play provides time and space for everyone to remember the winter games we love and to discover new ways to play through the oldest season. Enjoy ice sculptures, sledding, hot chocolate, snow fort and den building, bonfires, and much more from 3pm-6pm. Dress warmly and bring some cash for fiery/icy treats. The event is free and open to everyone; suggested donation is $15 family donation or $5 individual. Presented by the Ithaca Children’s Garden at 121 Turtle Lane, Ithaca, NY 14850. For more info, call 1-607-319-4203 or visit https://ithacachildrensgarden.org/events/festival-of-fire-ice/ LAKE GEORGE WINTER CARNIVAL • Each Weekend in February Lake George Village offers a month-long celebration of winter during this annual familyfriendly festival. The Lake George Winter Carnival takes place each weekend throughout February (Saturdays and Sundays from 02/01/20 to 02/23/20). Relish the warmth of tasty samples during the chowder, chili, BBQ, and chicken wing cook-offs. Witness the always hilarious and fun outhouse races - a crowd pleasing favorite - as well as ATV races, polar plunges, fireworks, and more! Kids can participate in children’s activities, go for a pony ride, and toast marshmallows on the beach. And that’s just a sample; there’s so much fun for everyone. View the complete list of events and activities at https://www.lakegeorge.com/ winter/carnival/

WHERE TO SNOWSHOE Tifft Nature Preserve (www.tifft.com) is just a ﬁve-minute drive from downtown Buffalo and offers ﬁve miles of trails and boardwalks. Admission is free. Traditional wood snowshoes and young children’s plastic snowshoes are available for rent in the Tifft Nature Preserve Environmental Education Center during open hours when snow is at least 6 inches deep. Children ages 3-6 /up to 45 pounds: $3 per pair; children 45+ pounds and adults: $5 per pair. Please call 716-825-6397 to ensure availability or for more information. *Sturdy footwear recommended (hiking and work boots work best). The Center is open year round, Wed.-Sat., 10am-4pm; Sunday, 12pm-4pm. If you have your own snowshoes, trails are open year-round from dawn to dusk. Cross-country skiing is also permitted here but you must have your own skis. Beaver Meadow Audubon Center (http://www.buffaloaudubon.org/beavermeadow-audubon-center.html) has 8 miles of groomed trails. Snowshoe rentals are found at the visitor’s center along with seasonal exhibits, live animals and a continued on page 11 )HEUXDU\ :1< )DPLO\

Let It Snow Five Wintery Experiments for Your Budding Scientists ² E\ -DQ 3LHUFH

inter is a magical time for children and you can enhance their appreciation and understanding of the season by conducting simple but serious science investigations right in your own home. Give your children a head start in masWHULQJ EDVLF VFLHQWL¿F PHWKRGV RI VWXG\ by teaching them to investigate their world through prediction, observation, hypothesizing, estimating, and recordLQJ WKHLU ¿QGLQJV +HUH DUH ¿YH VLPSOH VQRZ\ science experiments guaranteed to be both fun and informative.

What Happens When Water Freezes?

1. Fill an empty metal container to ½ inch from the top with water. 2. Use a permanent marker to mark the water line on the outside of the can. 3. Predict what will happen when the water freezes. 4. Place the can on a tray or on aluminum foil and place in the freezer overnight.

5. Observe the ice line the next morning and record the results.

The Ice Cube Race

1. Place three ice cubes in identical containers.

*Water expands as it turns to ice. Use the terms liquid and solid states. What will happen when the ice melts back into liquid state?

2. Leave one ice cube as it is, add salt to the second, and sugar to the third 3. Estimate the length of time it will take for each ice cube to melt completely.

No Two Alike

1. On a snowy day, catch falling VQRZÀDNHV RQ SLHFHV RI EODFN poster board.

4. Observe at one minute intervals and record information.

2. Have a magnifying glass of at least 10X strength ready to observe WKH ÀDNHV

5. Write a paragraph describing the rate of melting for each of the three cubes.

2EVHUYH LQGLYLGXDO ÀDNHV WDNLQJ note of their structure.

6. Can you explain why one melted IDVWHU"

4. Record your observations in drawings.

*Which would you use to melt the ice on roadways, sugar or salt? Why?

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Make Your Own Icicles

$ VQRZÀDNH LV D VLQJOH VQRZ crystal of ice. The basic shape of a snow crystal is a hexagonal prism. Once the basic shape is formed, branching builds additional patterns. It’s WUXH WKDW QR WZR VQRZÀDNHV are alike.

1. Punch a hole in the bottom of a can. 2. Punch three holes around the top of the can. 3. Loop twine through the three holes and hang the can outside on a day when the temperature is 32 degrees or less.

Books About Snow & Snowflakes

The Story of Snow: The Science of Winter’s Wonder by Mark Cassino. (for ages 3-8) 7KH 6HFUHW /LIH RI D 6QRZÀDNH $Q 8S &ORVH /RRN DW WKH $UW DQG 6FLHQFH RI 6QRZÀDNHV by Kenneth Libbrecht. (for ages 6-12) 7KH 6QRZÀDNH :LQWHU¶V 6HFUHW %HDXW\ by Kenneth Libbrecht. Owl Moon by Jane Yolen Snow by Cynthia Rylant 6QRZÀDNHV )DOO by Patricia MacLachlan and Steven Kellogg Snow is Falling (Let’s Read and Find Out Science Series) by Franklyn Branley :1< )DPLO\ )HEUXDU\

4. Leave the can overnight. Make predictions. 5. Observe the icicles formed the next morning. Adding food coloring to the water will enhance the experience. :KDW ZLOO KDSSHQ WR WKH LFLFOHV GXULQJ WKH GD\WLPH"

The Birth of an Ice Crystal

1. Pour orange Kool Aid into a petri dish or other shallow glass container. 2. Prepare a bowl of crushed ice mixed with salt.

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3. Place the petri dish into the bowl of ice. WNY’s Original Rock Climbing Gym!

2EVHUYH IRU WKUHH WR ¿YH PLQXWHV VWLUULQJ RFFDVLRQDOO\ 8VH D ÀDVKOLJKW WR REVHUYH WKH IRUPDWLRQ RI DQ LFH FU\VWDO *Freezing occurs when water cools. Molecules move more slowly, causing them to come together and form ice crystals. Rapid cooling speeds the process. This lesson lends itself to predictions based on time. Observe and record information. Drawings of the crystal at each one minute point would be appropriate.

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Finale: Make Snowy Ice Cream

After conducting your snowy science experiments you’ll want to do one last exercise in lowering the freezing temperature using salt. 1. Blend half a cup of cream and half a cup of milk. Pour into a ziplock bag and seal. 2. Fill a second, larger ziplock with ice and large salt crystals. 3. Place the smaller bag inside the larger one 4. Wait 5-10 minutes, occasionally shaking the bags to ³ÀXII´ WKH LFH FUHDP 5. Remove the ice cream bag carefully and enjoy. Jan Pierce, M.Ed., is a freelance writer living in the beautiIXO 3DFL¿F 1RUWKZHVW 6KH LV D UHWLUHG WHDFKHU ZKR VSHFLDOizes in parenting and family life articles. Jan is the author of ³+RPHJURZQ 5HDGHUV 6LPSOH :D\V WR +HOS <RXU &KLOG /HDUQ WR 5HDG ´ DYDLODEOH RQOLQH DW %DUQHV DQG 1REOH DQG $PD]RQ Learn more at www.janpierce.net

SOUTH BUFFALO CHARTER SCHOOL is a Grade K - 8 School of Excellence OPEN ENROLLMENT ends on April 1, 2020. •••• • • •• •• ••• • • •• • ••• •• • • •• •• •• • •••• • • • •••• ••• • • •••• • • • ••• • • • • •• ••• • • •• • • • ••• • • • ••••• ••• • • • •• Check out our web page and contact us for a tour and enrollment information.

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ever but with different attitudes. Milton WKLQNV LV LW D ³PLVHUDEOH GD\ IRU LFH ¿VKing.” Odie thinks it is a “beautiful day”! Milton drops in his tangled line and sits in “lonely stillness.” Odie drops in his sleek line and waits in “splendid stillness.” And so the day progresses.

PICK OF THE LITERATURE — by Dr. Donna Phillips

elcome to winter 2020! While it seemed to start off with serious intent in 2019, the weather became mild and inviting. But never fear, winter is back and with us until March…or April…or May…!! One of the advantages of our winter here is that it gives us time to appreciate and explore the quiet recovery it provides from our hectic summer and fall seasons. This is the time of year that is also perfect for exploring the many books which make us aware of the beauty and intent of the season. Nothing is more fun than sharing winter fun with a friend. But what happens when one friend likes to spend the time outdoors and the other wants to stay LQVLGH" ,Q Croc and Turtle Snow Fun! %ORRPVEXU\ %RRNV 1HZ <RUN , written and illustrated by Mike Wohnoutka, these two best friends are all excited to share a snow day together. Croc has a list of all the things he wants to do outdoors. Turtle had made a list of all the things he wants to do indoors. So they decide to take turns doing outdoor and indoor activities. As you can imagine, outdoor things do not go well for Turtle and indoor things do not go well for Croc. Try as they might, they just can’t seem to make it work… :1< )DPLO\ )HEUXDU\

that is until they come up with the perIHFW FRPSURPLVH DQG ¿QG D ZD\ WR FRPbine an outdoor and indoor activity. In WKH HQG &URF DQG 7XUWOH ¿QG WKDW WKHUH is always a way for best friends to have fun together. Sometimes friends like to do the same things outdoors in wintertime. In Milton and Odie and the Biggerthan-Bigmouth Bass &KDUOHVEULGJH 3XEOLVKHUV 1HZ <RUN , written and illustrated by Mary Ann FraVHU LFH ¿VKLQJ LV LW ,Q WKLV VWRU\ 0LOWRQ DQG 2GLH DUH ¿VKLQJ RQ RSSRVLWH VLGHV RI WKH ODNH KRSLQJ IRU WKH ELJJHVW ¿VK

As Milton pulls in not much more than an old “yucky mucky boot,” Odie SXOOV LQ D ³VXSHU ¿VK VFRRSHU´ QHW $JDLQ and again, they drop their lines in and again and again, not much comes out until… they both seem to have snagged the big one! Milton pulls. Odie pulls. $QG 0LOWRQ SXOOV LQ D ZKROH ¿VKLQJ pole! What is he supposed to do with WKDW" )UXVWUDWHG KH KHDGV IRU KRPH DQG runs into Odie who is on the way home to fetch another pole. By now you can ¿JXUH RXW ZKDW LV JRLQJ RQ $IWHU FRPSDULQJ QRWHV WKH\ GHFLGH WR WU\ ¿VKLQJ together. In the end, it was worth it! Odie JHWV D QHZ ¿VKLQJ SDUWQHU DQG 0LOWRQ gets a new attitude! Unexpected winter adventures with a friend are the best! In One Snowy Morning (Dial Books for Young ReadHUV 1HZ <RUN , written by Kevin Tseng and illustrated by Dana Wulfekotte, Chipmunk and Squirrel come across a strange pile of snow. It appeared to have wooden legs on either side, lumpy kickballs, what looks OLNH D ER[ RQ WKH WRS RI LW ¿VK SXSpets, a long curtain, an orange tooth, and 6 small golden shields. As they carry the items home they wonder what they are for, and by the time they arrive they have plans to use all of them for a party! This is a wonderful story of imagination, friendship, and gratitude with an adorable surprise ending… a perfect book to celebrate a winter day. Fun and friendship is a great way to spend winter, but winter is also a time for quiet and recovery. Winter Sleep: A Hibernation Story (Quarto Group, MisVLRQ 9LHMR

, written by Sean Taylor and Alex Morss and perfectly illustrated by Cinyee Chiu, is the wonderful story of two special friends and their time together in the woods. Granny Sylvia knows so much about nature and the woods, and her grandson loves nothing more than spending time with her and learning the secrets that she has uncovered over the years. As summer turns to fall and fall turns into winter, he is struck by the starkness and the quiet. Where have all the ELUGV DQLPDOV LQVHFWV DQG ÀRZHUV JRQH" *UDQQ\ WDNHV KLP RQ walks over the winter through the stillness and woodland quiet to show him where everything is hiding — cozy, resting, and waiting for spring to arrive. At the end of the day, the warmth and quiet of Granny’s home remind him of the woodland creatures he has learned about and he goes to sleep dreaming of warmer weather and longer days. The end of the book features information on hibernation and more details about the creatures that do so. Ideas about how you can help them and sources of more information are also provided. For more books that will give you ideas for ways to spend wintertime with a friend, visit your local library, bookstore, or online site. Whether reading indoors or taking the ideas outdoors, there are many ways to enjoy and celebrate the winter weather that is yet ahead. If you are going to live in Western 1HZ <RUN \RX PLJKW DV ZHOO ¿QG ZD\V WR HQMR\ HYHU\WKLQJ each season has to offer — and books are a great way to do it! 'U 'RQQD 3KLOOLSV LV DQ DVVRFLDWH SURIHVVRU LQ WKH &ROOHJH RI (GXFDWLRQ DW 1LDJDUD 8QLYHUVLW\ ZKHUH KHU VSHFLDOW\ LV OLWHUDF\ DQG FKLOGUHQ¶V OLWHUDWXUH 6KH OLYHV RQ *UDQG ,VODQG 1< DQG LV the mother of two adult children and the grandmother of one.

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library. Snowshoe rentals are $5 a day for kids and adults. Cross-country skiing is also permitted here but you must have your own skis. Erie County Department of Parks, Recreation & Forestry (http://www2.erie.gov/parks/) includes many parks, hiking trails, and forests that allow snowshoes and/or cross-country skiing. Visit their website for details on individual locations and check out this article (https://www. snowshoemag.com/2019/02/20/erie-county-new-yorkdepartment-of-parks-recreation-and-forestry-winteractivities/) which summarizes many of their features.

TAKE A TOUR Did you know that Eden, NY is the Kazoo Capital of the World? The Original American Kazoo Company (8703 South Main St., Eden) was established in 1916 as the ﬁrst metal kazoo factory and is the only metal kazoo factory left in North America. The museum highlights history, amusing trivia, and shows step by step the way kazoos are made. Kazoos of all shapes and sizes are permanently displayed in the museum. Tours are available beginning February 6, 2020 where you can view kazoos being made on the original equipment (Tue-Thur only) until 2 pm, or use the Make Your Own Kazoo station to assemble your own ($$). There is a free Self-guided tour for small family groups, 2-6, while a guided tour is $2 per person. Call 716-992-3960 at least one day ahead to schedule an appointment they can get a guide onsite for a guided tour for your larger group. To learn more, visit http://www. edenkazoo.com/museum.php Platter’s Chocolate Factory (908 Niagara Falls Blvd., North Tonawanda) offers guided tours for groups of 20 or more (all ages). If you don’t have a group, they have multiple production viewing areas open to the public to self-tour at your leisure. These viewing areas allow to you to see just about all their chocolate making processes. Fan favorites include whipping up a batch of sponge candy and watching how they make hollow novelties by hand. Watch their chocolate manufacturing process while enjoying some of their Platter’s Café favorites like a fresh pressed coffee, hot chocolate, an ice cream sundae, and of course, CHOCOLATES! Visit https://www.platterschocolates.com/factory-tours/ or call 716-693-5391. )HEUXDU\ :1< )DPLO\

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y the time your kids are asleep, your mood is exhausted, not erotic. In theory, you want to connect with your partner. In reality, you’re too tired to make the efIRUW 6RXQG IDPLOLDU" <RX¶UH QRW DORQH It is totally normal for your sex life to take a dive when you have kids, says 'U -HQQL 6N\OHU FHUWL¿HG VH[ WKHUDSLVW and director of The Intimacy Institute. But that doesn’t mean you can’t — or shouldn’t — seek intimacy in other ways. $FFRUGLQJ WR 6N\OHU WKH GH¿QLWLRQ RI intimacy is quality connection and it is essential to a healthy relationship. And while it’s the rare marriage that thrives without sex, she says there are many ways to be intimate without it. Opportunities for intimacy might be less scarce than they seem — if you know where to look.

7DONLQJ Experts and couples agree uninterrupted conversation is an excellent way WR FUHDWH LQWLPDF\ :KLOH WKH ¿UVW VWHS LV ¿QGLQJ D VLWWHU SXWWLQJ WKH NLGV WR EHG RU scheduling a lunch date while the kids are at school, the second step is just as important: Put away your phones. Says marriage therapist Jill Whitney, LMFT, “We’re so busy replying to texts or checking social :1< )DPLO\ )HEUXDU\

media that we hardly hear the one we’re with. This is toxic to relationships.” Once you create a distraction-free space for a conversation, you might be surprised where that conversation leads. Sarah Protzman Howlett, a mom of fouryear-old twins, describes a simple ritual she and her husband share. He says, “So tell me things” and from there, they might discuss anything from work to travel plans to politics well into the night. Says Rebecca Beck, mom of two, deep, emotionally honest conversations are extremely important to her marriage as a way of staying connected. Relationship expert Lucinda Loveland says research FRQ¿UPV ³FRXSOHV ZKR VKDUH ZLWK HDFK other more, like each other more.”

.LVVLQJ Kissing (with all your clothes on) is something you can do virtually any time, anywhere — even in front of the kids — and it’s incredibly intimate. I’m not talking about the chaste kisses Mike and Carol Brady exchanged before bed. I’m talking prolonged kissing with tongue. Skyler recommends what she calls a “kissing date,” in which kissing is not a means to sex, but rather the main event. Kelly Burch is a strong proponent of kissing. Though she and her husband

have always enjoyed it, now as parents of a three-year-old and working opposite shifts, it has become much more important to them. Burch explains, “Kissing only takes a minute and builds that connection and intimacy.” As Natalie Rotelli recalls, she grew up thinking kissing was ³¿UVW EDVH´ RU MXVW VRPHWKLQJ WR FRYHU on the way to “home plate.” Now marULHG ZLWK WZR FKLOGUHQ VKH ¿QGV NLVVLQJ is in fact, “the most intimate thing [my husband and I] could do.”

7RXFKLQJ The power of touch is huge. Says therapist Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW, “Whether it’s a kiss hello or goodbye or holding hands, even non-sexual touching builds connection between partners.” DaYLG %HQQHWW D FHUWL¿HG FRXQVHORU DQG UHlationship expert, explains this phenomenon in terms of neuroscience. “Any form of longer-duration cuddling and touching causes a release of oxytocin in the brain. This is the chemical that bonds couples together. So, any type of cuddling or hand-holding (just make it longer than 20 seconds) will build intimacy.” While Bennett maintains nothing beats intercourse when it comes to releasing oxytocin, touching is the next best thing. Relationship therapist Rhonda Milrad, LCSW agrees that while touch is no replacement for sex, it’s incredibly valuable. While many new parents are plain old tired, there is limited privacy with little eyes and ears at home. This is why Milrad recommends foot and hand massages as a way to connect. She says, “Being touched and nurtured is sensual and connecting and can feel like the two of you are sneaking a guilty pleasure.” Some couples just have a habit of touching. Chase McCann, the mother of a 17-year-old says she and her partner have a habit of holding hands whenever they’re out. “We hold hands on the street or in parking lots (also sometimes in the mall, if he’s afraid I’ll wander off). Sure, in our case it’s a practical thing, but it also means that even on days when we’re busy and not thinking about intimacy, we’re maintaining that touch connection.” Marc and Stephanie Trachtenberg swear by the extended hug. With two sons, their home is busy, but there’s always time for a hug, whether it’s in the morning, after work, or any random moment. What matters is that the embrace

lasts “at least seven seconds” according to Marc. (Stephanie estimated their hugs last a minimum of ten seconds).

_ (QJDJLQJ <RXU 6HQVHV If you’re not in the mood to be touched, or if physical afIHFWLRQ MXVW LVQ¶W \RXU ORYH ODQJXDJH 6N\OHU UHPLQGV XV WKH ¿YH senses include not just touch, but also sight, hearing, smell, and taste. She says sharing a sensual experience is an excellent way to connect. This could be listening to music together, enjoying a meal together, or looking at something beautiful. When a couple sits outside to watch the sunset together, all kinds of good things happen, says Rhonda Milrad, LCSW. “Stress decreases, the parasympathetic nervous system kicks in, neurotransmitters are released, and your mood becomes calmer. Consequently, you both are more open to connection and communication.” It doesn’t take much to create a sensual experience in your home. Relationship expert Lucinda Loveland encourages couples to use dim lighting, candles, and music. According to Loveland, “This is a great way to create a warm and romantic environment without doing anything physical.” Many couples I talked to enjoy sharing a meal after their kids are in bed. Amy Bailey, a mom of three, says she and her husband of 16 years look forward to their “date nights in.” Whether dinner is a meat and cheese plate or a steak dinner, they savor the food and each other’s company.

6KDULQJ $ +REE\ As parents stretched in many different directions and with a “scarcity of resources,” as my husband is fond of saying, it’s easy to forget what attracted you and your partner to each other in the ¿UVW SODFH 'RLQJ D KREE\ WRJHWKHU FDQ EH DQ H[FHOOHQW UHPLQGHU

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Especially when time together as a couple is at a premium, “sharing something novel helps keep your relationship from getting stagnant,” says Jill Whitney, LMFT. Julie Burton can attest to this. With two daughters, now ages 11 and 8, Julie felt that she and her husband Scott were moving in separate directions; until WKH\ VWDUWHG ¿VKLQJ WRJHWKHU /LYLQJ LQ .DQVDV LW¶V QHYHU LQH[pensive or convenient, but “it’s always like falling in love again.” A hobby doesn’t have to be novel or exotic to create intimacy, though. Jacob Brier and his wife have a young son and a shared SDVVLRQ IRU ¿WQHVV )RU WKH %ULHUV ZRUNLQJ RXW WRJHWKHU HTXDOV “heart rate up, sweaty, out of breath... clothes on. Plus, you’re helping to stay healthy together.” Natalie and Matt Rotelli have a nightly ritual of doing the Sunday New York Times crossword together. “He knows all things mythological, vocab, history (US and world), ORFDWLRQV DQG FXWH OLWWOH SOD\V RQ ZRUGV« , JHQHUDOO\ ¿JXUH RXW the algorithm for the long answers associated with the theme of the crossword and all things pop culture.” Natalie says their mutual admiration for each other’s skills is a source of connection. Intimacy encompasses so much more than sex. It’s about connection — whether it’s a game of tennis, a conversation, or a hug. It’s natural for kids to put a damper on your sex life, at least for a period of time. And while you can expect your kids to ruin certain things, (e.g., your sleep), your connection with your partner doesn’t have to be one of them. This article was originally published on Motherly. Pam Moore helps women push through fear to become their best selves. To get her free guide to crushing Impostor Syndrome visit pam-moore.com.

Open House K-5:

Friday, February 28th ~ 9:30 - 10:30 Friday, March 20th ~ 9:30 - 10:30

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Applications due April 1, 2020 For more information call:

(716)204-5883 ext.1036 Connect with Tapestry: Tapestry Charter School @TapestryCharter

65 & 111 Great Arrow Ave, Buffalo, NY 14216 )HEUXDU\ :1< )DPLO\

hildren’s visits to the dentist are typically a positive experience for both parents and kids alike. Still, between 9 and 15% of American adults fear going to the dentist, according to Cleveland Clinic. When parents are anxious about the dentist, that nervousness can instill fear and anxiety in their child, too. Adults and kids may fear going to the dentist for several reasons. Cleveland Clinic explains that perhaps the adult or child had a negative experience at the dentist or has heard horror stories that exaggerate their fears. Fear of pain is the most common cause of anxiety. While some people also worry about the effectiveness or side effects of anesthesia or have a fear of needles. A negative experience at the dentist as a child can result in continued anxiety over routine dental care even into adulthood. So, learn how to prepare for your FKLOG¶V ¿UVW DQG VXEVHTXHQW YLVLWV WR WKH dentist to ensure a positive, successful experience. This will help pave the road to a lifelong devotion to receiving routine dental care on a regular and consistent basis as your child grows. Your Child & The Dentist:

Building a positive relationship early on The earlier your child begins going to the dentist, the better. The American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry recomPHQGV D ¿UVW YLVLW VKRXOG EH E\ WKH WLPH your child turns one or within 6 months of ZKHQ WKH ¿UVW WRRWK HUXSWV $W WKLV VWDJH

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Set the Stage for a Positive Dental Visit for Your Child your child’s visit will be quick, simple, and pain-free. Providing your child with early positive experiences will help your child develop trust in the dentist. Depending on your child’s age and WKH GHQWDO RI¿FH SROLFLHV PDQ\ GHQWLVWV will ask you to remain in the lobby during your child’s checkup. Typically, this is recommended for children over the age of 3. There’s a good reason for this. Separating a child from parents usually results in fuller cooperation from children. This can go a long way toward a more positive experience for your child. When your child is placed in the care of the dental staff, they’ll try to make your child’s ¿UVW H[SHULHQFH IXQ and informative. The dentist will explain and demonstrate routine procedures to your child and then perform those procedures. Your child quickly learns the dentist is someone to trust. Down the road, if your child needs nonroutine dental work,

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the dentist will work with your child in a similar fashion to help alleviate fears. If you’re still concerned with sending your child in alone, call and ask to speak with the dentist or hygienist. Avoid causing your child alarm, and make the call in private so your child doesn’t pick up on your anxiety. Explain \RXU VSHFL¿F FRQFHUQV VR WKH GHQWLVW FDQ address and alleviate your worries.

Approaching Scared or Uncooperative Children For a variety of reasons, some children become fearful or uncooperative during a visit to the dentist. If your child arrives unprepared or senses your anxiety, your child may develop undue worry. A previous experience could also cause stress. Children who are ill or have a physical or mental disability, a behavioral disorder, or developmental delay may also be challenging to treat. Whatever the reason, the way your dentist handles your child’s fears and behavior is vital to your child’s emotional well being and ability to cope with future visits. The American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry has developed guidelines for behavior management that dentists should follow. Your dentist should use

the communication techniques learned in dental school, including positive reinforcement, distraction, voice control, non-verbal communication, and the tellshow-do approach. These techniques all help reassure patients and gain their trust. In most casHV WKHVH DSSURDFKHV DUH VXI¿FLHQW OHDGing to visits that end on a positive note. If a practitioner lacks the expertise for handling a situation, your child should be referred to a dentist with the appropriate skills. Prevent an experience that heightens your child’s fears by being proactive.

Gentle and Caring Dentistry for Children & Youth Ages 1-21

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• Pediatric dentists have specialized training for dealing with situations that can arise with children. If you suspect \RXU FKLOG PD\ KDYH GLI¿FXOW\ ZLWK GHQtal visits, seek a pediatric dentist.

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Helpful Tips 7HOO \RXU FKLOG DERXW WKH EHQH¿WV of going to the dentist to help keep their teeth strong and healthy and so they’ll have a nice smile. 5HDG WR \RXU FKLOG EHIRUH WKHLU ¿UVW visit to the dentist. Try one of the following: Why We Go to the Dentist by Rosalyn Clark The Berenstain Bears Visit the Dentist by Stan Berenstain and Jan Berenstain &HOHEUDWH *RLQJ WR WKH 'HQWLVW by Sophia Day 'HQWLVW 7ULS 3HSSD 3LJ by Scholastic &XULRXV *HRUJH 9LVLWV WKH 'HQWLVW by H.A. Rey Share a DVD with your child such continued on page 32 )HEUXDU\ :1< )DPLO\

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isiting a dentist can often be a stressful experience, especially for parents. Most kids don’t like going to doctors and GHQWLVWV DQG LW FDQ EH HVSHFLDOO\ GLI¿FXOW for dental visits with children who have Down syndrome. Even experienced parents need some extra help from the professionals when it comes to knowing when their children are doing great and when they need to see a doctor, and there are often very different markers. If you are a parent or guardian of a baby with Down syndrome, then you may have noticed that your baby’s teeth aren’t growing in the way that dental websites say they should. This is actually pretty common among children with Down syndrome. This article will help you learn everything you need to know about delayed tooth eruption among children with Down syndrome. Hopefully, it will put your mind at ease and help you discover when you should come see us and when you’re okay.

8IFO TIPVME UFFUI FSVQU The American Academy of Pediatrics maintains that a baby’s teeth should begin erupting somewhere between 4 and 15 months old. Permanent teeth generally arrive at around 6 years of age. They recommend a dental trip if teeth haven’t erupted by 1 month. Children with Down syndrome will experience delayed eruptions, so these averages are not the same. Their teeth may begin appearing later than average, and although it is still a great idea to visit :1< )DPLO\ )HEUXDU\

%FMBZFE 5PPUI &SVQUJPO #BCZ 5FFUI BOE %PXO 4ZOESPNF your dentist to check in, it isn’t the same cause for alarm as it would be otherwise. For children with Down syndrome, WKH ¿UVW WRRWK ZLOO XVXDOO\ HUXSW DW DURXQG 12 to 14 months of age instead, and it can be as late as 24 months before the ¿UVW WRRWK DSSHDUV $OVR LQ FKLOGUHQ ZLWK Down syndrome, it is typical for them to reach age 4 or 5 before their full set of 20 baby teeth grow in. Permanent front teeth and 6-year molars may not appear until your child is 8 or 9 years old, and it is common to see them erupt in a different order.

*T JU IBSNGVM GPS UPPUI FSVQUJPO UP CF EFMBZFE The good news is that delayed tooth eruption in itself is not harmful. The delay just means a little bit more time on soft foods with toothless little grins. Unfortunately, children who experience delayed tooth eruption may be at a higher risk for other dental problems later in their life. Keep in mind that nuWULWLRQDO GH¿FLHQFLHV DQG D ODFN RI SURSHU oral hygiene have more to do with later issues than when the teeth erupt, so following good oral healthcare routines and regular dental visits will counteract these risks.

Most of the causes of the increased risk factors are not related to delayed eruption of teeth. People with Down syndrome experience these issues due to medications that are high in sugar. Have your child take something that contains Xylitol before the sweet medicine to decrease the likelihood of dental decay. Periodontal disease is common among children with Down syndrome beFDXVH RI LPPXQH GH¿FLHQFLHV FURZGLQJ and grinding teeth. You can avoid this by maintaining a regular hygiene routine.

5IFJS 5FFUI 'JOBMMZ $BNF *Oy #VU 5IFZ %PO U -PPL -JLF 5IFJS 4JCMJOHT 5FFUI :KHQ WHHWK ¿QDOO\ HUXSW LQ FKLOGUHQ with Down syndrome, it can occasionally alarm parents. You’re used to looking at their siblings and comparing them, but children with Down syndrome have different needs and developmental markers. Children with Down syndrome may have small or missing teeth when teeth ¿QDOO\ JURZ LQWR WKHLU PRXWK 7KH\ DUH also more likely to have yellow teeth with weaker enamel. These are all pretty common and don’t need to be too alarming. Check in with your dentist and they

can let you know how to help prevent some of the periodontal issues and maintain proper hygiene, protecting the weaker teeth.

DOES YOUR CHILD HAVE AUTISM?

7JTJUJOH B %FOUJTU Even as adults we often dread visiting the dentist, so for children with Down syndrome, it can be downright terrifying. No one likes a stranger poking at them, and with their increased sensitivity and the dentist working in close quarters with their face, it can be D YHU\ GLI¿FXOW H[SHULHQFH IRU D VFDUHG child. Children with Down syndrome are just like everyone else when it comes to this experience. To help mitigate issues and make sure that your child’s delayed tooth eruption is related to Down syndrome and not an additional cause for alarm, you should check in regularly with your GHQWLVW ,W¶V LPSRUWDQW WR ¿QG D SHGLDWric dentist who has experience working with patients with Down syndrome, so they can recognize the different markers and help your child through the procedures and appointments patiently.

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Your dentist will be able to identify irregular tooth formations, eruption patterns, and other issues. They should be able to take into account your child’s sensitivity when it comes to sounds, touching, lights, or strangers. Bring your child’s favorite toy, practice looking in their mouth with a mirror, and make at least 1 appointment to just meet your dentist and staff with your child before the procedural appointment so your child is familiar with the people who are working on their mouth. 'U *UHJ *ULOOR EULQJV RYHU \HDUV RI experience to the Dentably.com team and is committed to educating and working with parents of children with autism, Down syndrome and other special needs. After graduating from the University of Washington’s School of Dentistry, Dr. Grillo eventually joined his father’s practice and has remained at the practice ever since. Learn more at https://www. grillorobeckdds.com/ and https://www. emergencydentistsusa.com/dentably/ )HEUXDU\ :1< )DPLO\

day that you can do where you can set your phone aside.

RAISING DIGITAL KIDS

Putting your phone away for an hour or two sounds easy, but it is harder than you think. The average person would check their phone twelve times during that two hours. If you can’t bear to leave your phone behind or you don’t feel safe without it, make sure you turn off your QRWL¿FDWLRQV VR \RX FDQ HQMR\ WKH WLPH distraction-free. Putting your phone in airplane mode is even better as it elimiQDWHV DOO SLQJV FDOOV DQG QRWL¿FDWLRQV

— by Mike Daugherty

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martphones have revolutionized the way we communicate, do business, exercise, and so much more. It is hard to imagine a world without these amazingly connected, helpful devices. There is a tradeoff for all of these digital conveniences, though. A study from 2017 found that the average American adult cannot go much more than 10 minutes without looking at their smartphone. This means, on average, we check our phones over eighty times each day. This fact did not surprise me as much as it probably should have. It’s probably safe to say we are all guilty of this at some level. As a coach, I cannot count the number of times I’ve witnessed a parent miss a great play/shot/ block from their son or daughter because they were looking at their phone during a game. Even smaller moments at home may go unnoticed due to a distracting text, disruptive chirp, or some other LQWHUUXSWLQJ QRWL¿FDWLRQ :H RIWHQ WDON about technology addiction in children, but as adults, what message are we sending our kids when we are always pulling RXW RXU SKRQHV" Aside from missing moments in our kid’s lives, another study looked at the interaction between caregivers and children during mealtime as it related to technology usage. A direct quote from WKH ¿QGLQJV :1< )DPLO\ )HEUXDU\

³&DUHJLYHUV DEVRUEHG LQ GHYLFHV frequently ignored the child’s behavior for a while and then reacted with a scolding tone of voice, gave repeated instructions in a somewhat robotic manner (e.g., without looking at the child or UHOHYDQW WR FKLOG EHKDYLRU VHHPHG LQsensitive to the child’s expressed needs, or used physical responses.” I think we can all relate to this as well. No one is perfect. You pull out your phone to check something and get engrossed in what you’re doing. It can be frustrating when you get interrupted, and that frustration can manifest itself in a variety of ways. I am not suggesting that everyone is addicted to their smartphone or that we should all go back to the rotary phones of the 80s. After reading quite a few articles during my research for this column, I do believe that “distracted parenting” or “continuous partial attention” is harming our kids. There are ways to help control some of these bad habits, so you can have a healthy phone/life balance.

0 0 ] & æ / æ% ]*ææ "0æ * -(0 .æ Set aside time each day to spend phone-free time with your kids. Ideally, please leave your phone at home and take them outside. Go on a walk, hike, or bike ride. Play a game of basketball or FDWFK &DQ¶W JR RXW" 3OD\ D ERDUG JDPH or cook with them. Find an activity each

If you do need your phone during this time, clearly explain why you are using it. For example, “Let’s use this to look up the ingredients we need for this recipe.” or “We should call Grandma for her opinion.”

~-æ ( ~ææ Y )) æ "0!X We love our peeks into our friend’s lives, but those glances shouldn’t take away from your life. Choose a time during the day when you plan to check social media instead of checking it frequently throughout the day. One article , UHDG UHIHUUHG WR WKHVH DV RI¿FH KRXUV Pick a time while the kids nap, after they leave for school, or after they fall asleep to get your Instagram, Twitter, and/or )DFHERRN ¿[

1 æ .]~ ] Making eye contact is extremely important when having a conversation with your children. It shows them that you are present. Whatever you two are talking about is more important than the rest of the world around them. It is dif¿FXOW WR PDNH JRRG H\H FRQWDFW ZKHQ \RX are staring at the screen in your hand. Be mindful of this and put your phone down when speaking/listening to your children.

* 0 W!æŲ.æŲHHæ) 0æ *~] Kevin Holesh, a software developer in California, recognized the impact his smartphone was having on his relationships. He created “Moment” to combat the everyday distractions of our digital devices. Moment “helps people disconnect from their phones and get back their time.”

The app uses a coaching model to help teach you better technology habits. You start by selecting your goal or goals. Some example options are “Get More Family Time,” “Sleep Better,” and “Stop Wasting Time.” From there, Moment will monitor your usage and provide tips to help you achieve your goals. Moment even offers a family option that allows you to track your family’s usage across a variety of devices. Parents can use this to set screen time limits in addition to merely monitoring usage. Moment Coach is a paid feature inside the app that takes things to the next level. The Coach add-in allows you to select courses that are designed to help you re-imagine your relationship with your phone. The classes are anywhere from three to fourteen days. I’d suggest starting with the Phone Bootcamp class. According to the website, Moment Coach users “gain an hour back each day by following simple strategies” and those who completed the bootcamp saved an average of twelve and half hours during that time.

.æ . -"! . It is a fact that our society’s reliance on digital devices is increasing. Adults are effortlessly and unintentionally forming bad habits when it comes to how they use these devices. Awareness LV WKH ¿UVW VWHS WRZDUG FRUUHFWLQJ WKH problem. Use the steps outlined in this column to lessen the grip that technology has on your time, your relationships, and your family. Mike Daugherty is a husband, father of three young children, author, speaker, Google Innovator, and possible StarEXFNV DGGLFW +H LV D FHUWL¿HG HGXFDtional technology leader who has served in a variety of roles through his eighteen-year career in public education. &XUUHQWO\ 0LNH LV WKH 'LUHFWRU RI 7HFKQRORJ\ IRU WKH &KDJULQ )DOOV ([HPSWHG 9LOODJH 6FKRRO GLVWULFW LQ 1RUWKHDVW Ohio. As an IT director he has developed creative, well thought out solutions that positively impact teaching and learning. )HEUXDU\ :1< )DPLO\

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kids are doing when they’re tethered to technology. It’s about what they’re not doing. Noise teaches us to un-focus. That’s a problem because it’s the ability to focus on what matters that empowers us to do deep work, solve big problems, be better listeners, nurture relationships — all the things that create quality of life. We need to make sure kids learn how to manage their attention and discern what they’re letting in. Set reasonable limits on technology and build quiet time into the day. Establish some rules around screen time and other forms of digital distraction. Maybe allow them half an hour to use their devices after homework is done each day. All other times, set an expectation that your kids unplug. Make sure they understand the value of having quiet time to unwind and recharge, and that they have an opportunity to spend time reading, journaling, or relaxing at home.

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ur kids are constantly glued to digital devices: playing video games, posting on social media, watching YouTube — even doing homework online. All this screen time makes parents uneasy, and it should. Plenty of evidence shows too much tech changes kids’ brains, fuels depression and anxiety, stunts the development of social skills, and more. Yet despite all the handwringing, we just don’t know what to do — so we shrug, check our own smartphones, and let the staWXV TXR ÀRZ RQ It’s this helpless bystander effect that Joe McCormack wants to challenge. In fact, he wants to launch a “just say no” movement around the passive acceptance of what he calls “noise” — not just in our kids’ lives but in our own. “We’ve all gotten acclimated to living with endless digital disruptions and constant connectedness,” says McCormack, author of the new book 12,6( /LYLQJ DQG /HDGLQJ :KHQ 1RERG\ &DQ )RFXV (Wiley, December 2019, ISBN: 978-1-119-55337-3, $25.00). “We think it’s normal but it’s not. All the distraction is hurting our quality of life. It’s hurting our ability to focus, to think, to work, to form strong relationships.” And yes — to parent. McCormack says we have a human responsibility to manage the noise that surrounds us, control our attention, and tune in to the things that really matter. We also :1< )DPLO\ )HEUXDU\

have a parental responsibility to teach our kids the same crucial life skills now so they ZRQ¶W KDYH WR ³¿[´ WKHLU EDG KDELWV ODWHU 7KH JRRG QHZV" 0DNLQJ WKH QHHGHG FKDQJes is more doable than you think. “There’s no single ‘silver bullet’ solution,” he says. “This is about committing to a series of small, practical ‘old world’ changes that together make a big difference. <HV LW ZLOO EH D OLWWOH WRXJK DW ¿UVW MXVW EHcause you and your kids are going against the grain. But as parents our goal is to raise happy, healthy, successful kids. The changes are worth the effort.” Here are a few of his insights and tips for parents and kids: Yes, noise really is as bad as we think. Checking devices all day long addicts everyone (kids and adults) through a dopamine feedback loop. It’s especially dangerous for children of all ages because their brains are still being formed. Further, teens also have what neurologists call “a hyperactive risk-reward system” that makes them susceptible to addiction. Being tethered to technology isolates kids, puts them at risk for cyberbullying, divides their attention spans, and can impact their mental health. Between 2010 and 2016, the number of adolescents who experienced at least one major depressive episode leapt by 60 percent, according to the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services (HHS). The problem isn’t just about what

Make a “keep phones out of direct reach” rule. It’s not enough to teach kids to resist technology. Reaching for the phone has become a habit (as most adults well know) and that’s no coincidence. Phones and apps are designed to be addictive. So don’t let kids keep phones by their bed, or give them unlimited access to play games or surf social media. You might make a rule they have to keep phones at a central point in the house (like a charging station in the kitchen). Keep them busy (but not too busy). When kids have a lot to do, they’ll simply have less time to spend on devices. Encourage them to play sports or participate in other afterschool activities. Also make sure they have regularly scheduled responsibilities at home, like walking the dog, vacuuming, emptying the dishwasher, and so forth. Older kids might even get a parttime job. When kids know they have to go to band practice, get in volunteer hours, and do chores before they get to sit down at the computer, they’ll get in the habit of prioritizing life over technology. “Don’t keep them running every second of the day, though,” cautions McCormack. “Kids need down time like everyone else. Perhaps even more important, they need to learn how to navigate a noisy world themselves — they won’t always have a parent setting up activities for them.” Instill the skills kids need to say no to noise. In the age of FOMO (fear of missing out), it’s tempting to give in to noise in all its forms. That’s why both parents and kids alike should practice saying no to digital distraction and information overload. Master these habits so you can tune out noise,

and teach them to your kids so they can learn to do the same: Refuse to be a slave to technology’s beeps, dings, and buzzes. When you hear an alert on your phone, say no. Better yet, silence any digital noisemakers when you are trying to concentrate, during dinner and other family times, and so forth. Practice single-minded focus. Do one thing at a time. Then move on to the next thing. Resist the urge to get distracted or split your focus by multitasking.

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Take regular technology breaks. Even better, get outside and take a stroll. A short walk each day helps you clear your head and process what’s happening in your life. Learn present listening. Fully engage during conversations by becoming aware of your awareness. Don’t let your mind wander. Be interested, concerned, and empathetic. “Narrate why you’re doing what you’re doing, and why you’re asking them to do so,” says McCormack. “Unless you tell them, they may not realize there’s a better way to live. This high-tech connected life is all they’ve ever known.” Immerse kids in scenarios that teach them to connect. A constant onslaught of noise hampers kids’ social skills development. That’s a problem because the ability to engage with others in a meaningful way PDWWHUV PRUH WKDQ HYHU %HLQJ DEOH WR LQÀXence, persuade, collaborate, and show empathy are no longer considered “soft skills” — they’re workplace survival skills.

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Parents can help by putting kids in situations where they can practice connecting with others. Insist that they hold meaningful conversations at the dinner table. Make sure they converse with visitors rather than retreating to their room. And make the world their classroom: Have younger kids place their own order at restaurants and (politely) send their food back when it’s wrong. Enlist older kids to negotiate for a different room if there’s a problem during a family vacation. Look for ways to build empathy. Kids’ brains are malleable. Whatever they VSHQG WKHLU WLPH GRLQJ LQÀXHQFHV WKHLU GHvelopment. That’s one more reason why it’s important to limit their exposure to digital distraction and help them tune into the world and people around them. It’s also why parents should focus on instilling hab-

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Depending on each child’s needs, benH¿WV RI KLJK TXDOLW\ FKLOG FDUH FDQ LQFOXGH • Enhanced brain growth and child development • Greater success in school (better math and language skills) • Better cognition, social skills, interpersonal relationships, and self-regulation • Decreased need for special education and related services later • Lower adolescent pregnancy rates and lower juvenile crime • Higher graduation rates By visiting the American Academy of Pediatrics’ website page at https://bit. ly/2QxETrY \RX ZLOO ¿QG OLQNV WR IDFWV and information on why quality infant and toddler child care matters, a detailed report entitled “Is This The Right Place For My &KLOG 5HVHDUFK %DVHG ,QGLFDWRUV RI 4XDOLW\ &KLOG &DUH ´ as well as resources to educate you about individual states’ child care licensure regulations. Links on that page will also take you to your local Child Care Resource & Referral Agency, The National Association for the Education of Young Children, which accredits child care centers through a rigorous process, and The National Association of Family Child Care which does the same for home-based care.

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C A L E N D A R O F E V E N T S • F E B R U A RY 2 0 2 0 • C A L E N D A R O F E V E N T S • F E B R U A RY 2 0 2 0

FRIDAY | FEBRUARY 7

Au-Some Aquarium Special evenings (6pm-8pm) dedicated to providing a safe, supportive, sensory-friendly environment where families with autism can meet, learn, and have fun together. $10 per family; $5 individual. All ages welcome! Call for registration. Aquarium of Niagara, 701 Whirlpool St., Niagara Falls. 716-2853575. www.aquariumofniagara.org

SATURDAY | FEBRUARY 8 SATURDAY | FEBRUARY 1

Lumagination continues with the interior of the Botanical Gardens illuminated to excite imaginations, stimulate the senses, and entertain all ages with “Mysterious Minerals” - simulated salt caves, stalactites, wooden sculptures, balancing stones, geodes, and crystals! Buffalo & Erie County Botanical Gardens, 2655 South Park Ave., Buffalo. 716-827-1584. www. buffalogardens.com Fearless Family Play Day offers a full day (9am-5pm) of fun and engaging healthy activities located throughout the museum. $3 off admission for BlueCross BlueShield of WNY members with proof of membership. Explore & More, 130 Main St., Buffalo. 716-655-5131. www.exploreandmore.org 6QRZÀDNH )HVWLYDO For all ages, indoors and out; live owls and hawks, tarantulas and lizards, crafts, exhibits, great food and beverages, hike with a naturalist, snowshoe, and much more! 10am-4pm. $8 adults; $6 children 3-15; under 2 FREE. Audubon Community Nature Center, 1600 Riverside Rd., Jamestown. www.auduboncnc.org Superb Owl Saturday An afternoon of crafts, hands-on activities, and live animal

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presentations celebrating everything about our favorite Owls! 1pm-4pm. Pre-registration required; $7. Beaver Meadow Audubon Center, 1610 Welch Rd., North Java. 585457-3228. www.buffaloaudubon.org Miss Nelson Is Missing 6SLWEDOOV À\LQJ across the room, paper airplanes sailing every which way and uncontrollable children send the nice, gentle, longsuffering teacher, Miss Nelson, over the edge. But the students of Room 207 are in for a surprise when Miss Nelson is suddenly missing. Recommended ages: 6+. February 1 & 2, 8 & 9 at 2pm, with a sensory-friendly performance on Feb. 9 at 10am. Tickets available online at www.theatreofyouth. org or by calling 716-884-4400, ext. 304. Theatre of Youth, 203 Allen Street, Buffalo

Golden Mummies of Egypt makes its U.S. premiere and consists of over 100 key objects from the Manchester Museum’s world-class collection, including eight PXPPLHV DV ZHOO DV PDVNV FRI¿QV jewelry, and sculpture. Using interactive CT scan technology, Golden Mummies of Egypt reveals stories hidden beneath the wrappings, but also questions why we are fascinated by mummies and what they might tell us about ourselves. Tickets ($19 adults; $16 Children ages 2+) have designated entry times and include exhibit fee and general museum admission. Buffalo Museum of Science, 1020 Humboldt Pkwy., Buffalo. 716-896-5200. www.sciencebuff.org Winter Wonderland in the Woods Discover the woods in winter! Try snowshoes or cross-country skis for FREE. Make snow DUW HQMR\ LFH ¿VKLQJ GHPRQVWUDWLRQV ZLQWHU crafts for kids, and more! Refreshments for sale. No registration required! 12pm-4pm. For more info, visit www.reinsteinwoods. org or call 716-683-5959. Reinstein Woods Nature Preserve, 93 Honorine Dr., Depew Art Express: Circle of Love - 2D Felt Project Participants listen to a story, look at artworks in the galleries, and make art! 2pm4pm. Fun for ages 6-12. Pre-registration and payment required. $5/child. Register online at CastellaniArtMuseum.org. Castellani Art

Êv ÀÊ ÀiÊV> i `>ÀÊiÛi ÌÃÊ Ê ÕÀÊ1* / Museum of Niagara University, 7 Varsity Dr. Niagara University, Buffalo. 716-286-8200.

SUNDAY | FEBRUARY 9

Family Funday Admission at the new Northland site for this event is Pay What You Wish, and includes an array of programming, including the mobile ArtCart, Art Baby Stroller Tours (ages 0-24 months), Drop-In Family Art Activities and Family Fun Tours (45 minutes). This month’s session also includes a Story Time Family Workshop for ages 3-6 (10:30am-11:45am) and Yoga for Kids ages 2-9. Albright-Knox Northland, 612 Northland Ave., Buffalo. 716-882-8700. www.albrightknox.org

WEDNESDAY | FEBRUARY 12

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(portrayed by reenactors) escort you on a snowshoe trek into the woods where British Rangers engage the French in a mini battle in the woods. Once it’s over, they’ll serve \RX KRW FKRFRODWH RYHU DQ RSHQ ¿UH %DFN DW WKH )UHQFK &DVWOH \RX¶OO ¿QG KDQGV on, family-friendly, indoor and outdoor educational programs about surviving winters at the fort in the 1700s. 10am-4pm. Weather permitting, snowshoes will be SURYLGHG ¿UVW FRPH ¿UVW VHUYHG RU EULQJ your own. Dress for the cold outdoors. Old Fort Niagara, Fort Niagara State Park, Youngstown. 716-745-7611. www. oldfortniagara.org

Wild Wednesday Together, kids and their parents or caregivers can enjoy a different, fun, hour-long activity, 4:30pm-5:30pm. For children in grades K through 5. No registration required. FREE. Reinstein Woods Nature Preserve, 93 Honorine Dr., Depew. 716-683-5959. www. reinsteinwoods.org

Hunter’s Day of Hope & Prayer for Children Please join us in celebration of children. This is a free community event, 1pm-4pm, with live entertainment, kidfriendly activities, prizes, food, and more. Everyone is welcome! ADPRO Sports Training Center, 1 Bills Drive, Orchard Park. www.huntershope.org

FRIDAY | FEBRUARY 14

SUNDAY | FEBRUARY 16

Au-Some Evenings Once a month, these special Au-Some Evenings (5pm-8pm) give children with autism spectrum disorder and sensory processing disorder, their friends and family an opportunity to play and learn together in an understanding and supportive environment. Reserve your spot by going to https://exploreandmore.org/programs/ au-some-evenings/. Explore & More, 130 Main St., Buffalo. 716-655-5131.

SATURDAY | FEBRUARY 15

Art Classes for Children & Teens Encourage your child’s love of art with a range of classes held in 3 weekly Saturday sessions beginning February 15 - Adventures in Collage (Ages 4-5); Printmaking (Ages 6-8); Mosaics (Ages 9-11) and Ceramics (Ages 12-14). For more details and fees, visit www.albrightknox.org. Albright-Knox Northland, 612 Northland Ave., Buffalo. 716-882-8700. STEM Saturdays offer a full day of fun and engaging STEM activities located throughout the museum (9am-5pm). Come play your way through Science, Technology, Engineering & Math based activities that are so fun, kids don’t even know they’re learning! Explore & More, 130 Main St., Buffalo. 716-655-5131. www. exploreandmore.org Winter Woods Battle Imagine it’s 1750 in the middle of winter on the Niagara frontier at Fort Niagara. What is it like to be a soldier? The French occupying forces

1DWLRQDO (QJLQHHUV :HHN This weeklong festival recognizes individuals and organizations who create DPD]LQJ ZRQGHUV LQ WKH ¿HOG RI engineering. Participate in dozens of interactive programs, maken-take builds, free giveaways, and hands on learning activities, 11am-2pm daily, Feb. 1622. Included with museum admission. Buffalo Museum of Science, 1020 Humboldt Pkwy., Buffalo. 716-896-5200. www. sciencebuff.org Kiddie Kohlfahrt Need a fun way to make it through the winter gloom? Compete against family and friends for prizes while playing games, dancing a polka, hiking the trails, roasting marshmallows, and enjoying our complimentary pretzel bar with root beer on tap, 12pm-4pm. $55 per family of up to 6 participants. Alternate weather date: February 23. Register online. Genesee Country Village & Museum, 1410 Flint Hill Rd., Mumford. 585-5386822. www.gcv.org BPO Kids Concert Series: BuffaLove! There are so many different ways to express what we love about our home, and this concert (2:30pm)

Who Doesn’t Love Dragons? Calling all adventurers! Be whisked off to a fantastical land when The Lost World of Dragons exhibit swoops into The Strong Museum, One Manhattan Square, Rochester, on Saturday, February 8. Come face to face with animatronic versions of these magical, mythical creatures. For thousands of years, dragons have captured the hearts and imaginations of cultures throughout the world. Explore the myths and lore that surround dragons — including stories from Norway and ancient China — and create your own dragon tales with shadow puppets. During the Opening Celebration Weekend, Saturday, February 8 (11am-4pm) and Sunday, February 9 (1pm-4pm), meet real reptiles that have inspired stories about dragons with members of REPCO Wildlife Encounters. Create dragon crafts — such as a Chinese dragon VSLQQHU ² DQG KHOS ¿OO WKH dragon’s hoard of treasure by catapulting foam balls into its treasure chest. Then check out The Lost World of Dragons exhibit. Take pictures with seven moving dragons of all shapes and sizes, such as a regal red dragon, a slithering sea serpent, and the legendary wyvern. Then hop into the harness on a dragon, hold on tight, and soar through the air on D YLUWXDO ÀLJKW (QWHU ³6PDXJ¶V Lair” to see his piles of gold and treasures, and take a seat on the throne. Explore the forge and alchemy laboratory, complete a series of mix-and-match and magnetic dragon puzzles, and draw your own dragon. The Lost World of Dragons remains on view through May 10 and is included with general museum admission fees. Learn more at www.museumofplay.org or call 585-263-2700. )HEUXDU\ :1< )DPLO\

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CONTINUED… celebrates Buffalo arts with help from the Albright-Knox, Just Buffalo Literary Center, Verve Dance Studios, Lancaster High School’s Carnival Kids Steel Orchestra and more. Come at 1:30pm for free activities. Kleinhans Music Hall, 3 Symphony Circle, Buffalo. 716-885-5000. www.bpo.org

MONDAY | FEBRUARY 17

Discovery Camp: Ancient Egypt Have you ever wondered what it would have been like to be a child in Ancient Egypt? What kinds of clothes would you have worn? Would you have gone to school? Would you have had toys? Campers will explore these questions and more as they experience life as a child in Ancient Egypt. Session runs from February 17-21, 9am-4pm. Buffalo Museum of Science, 1020 Humboldt Pkwy., Buffalo. 716-896-5200. www.sciencebuff.org

TUESDAY | FEBRUARY 18

Toddler Time - Winter Day Play! We’ll paint the snow, play some games, and learn how to snowshoe! Dress for the weather! If weather is not cooperative, we’ll play some cabin fever games inside. Afterwards, we’ll eat a yummy snack. 10am-11:15am. Pre-registration required. $3 per child. Ages 2-4. Beaver Meadow Audubon Center, 1610 Welch Rd., North Java. 585-457-3228. www.buffaloaudubon.org

WEDNESDAY | FEBRUARY 19

Under The Ice Come explore the winter

world of our ponds! Children will participate in a hands-on indoor and outdoor exploration to discover how turtles, frogs, insects, and more survive under the ice. 10:30am. For children in grades K-5. Registration required. FREE. Reinstein Woods Nature Preserve, 93 Honorine Dr., Depew. 716683-5959. www.reinsteinwoods.com

FRIDAY | FEBRUARY 21

M&T Third Friday Free museum admission to The Museum and Resource Center, 10am-5pm. Kids Activities at the Museum (10-11:30am & 3-4:30pm); Artifact Discovery (11am3pm); Docent Tours of both buildings (1-3pm). The Buffalo History Museum, 1 Museum Court, Buffalo. 716873-9644. www.buffalohistory.org Winter Playcation: &RRNLQJ :LWK Michelle Children will be introduced to the culinary arts with instructor Michelle Brockman, learning the basics of cooking, food, prep, and following recipes while making easy to cook foods and snacks. For ages 6-12. Please relay any food allergies during registration. Two sessions: 10am12pm or 12:30pm-2:30pm. $7 per child. Call or visit to register. Kenan Center, 433 Locust St., Lockport. 716-433-2617. www. kenancenter.org

SATURDAY | FEBRUARY 22 )DPLO\ 1DWXUH 4XHVW 6QRZVKRH :DON Join us for a morning snowshoe walk,

10am, along the trails as we look for signs of wildlife. Snowshoe rental $5. Registration required. Reinstein Woods Nature Preserve, 93 Honorine Dr., Depew. 716-683-5959. www.reinsteinwoods.org.

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 25 /LWWOH 7\NHV 0LQL 1DWXUH &DPS Enjoy a morning of fun and exploration, 9:30am11:30am, in our early childhood classroom. Storytime, crafts, outdoor investigation and more help to foster the nature explorer in your child (Ages 3-5). A different theme each month. Kid-friendly snacks provided! Pre-registration required. Non-Member: $7 per child with adult. Call 716-825-6397 or visit www.tifft.org. Tifft Nature Preserve, 1200 Fuhrmann Blvd., Buffalo.

FRIDAY | FEBRUARY 28 FREE Friday Family Movie Night: Aladdin Movie starts at 7pm in the Auditorium of the Harlem Road Community Center, 4255 Harlem Rd., Amherst. 716631-7132. www.amherstyouthandrec.org

SATURDAY | FEBRUARY 29 Leap Day Fun Day Join naturalist Mark Carra for an extra good time hiking on this extra day of the year, 10am-11:30am. Learn about who is and isn’t sleeping through the winter and make a frog craft. Pre-registration required. $6. Beaver Meadow Audubon Center, 1610 Welch Rd., North Java. 585457-3228. www.buffaloaudubon.org

Our calendar lists events for children, parents, and families as a whole. Space limitations prevent our listing all details, so be sure to call ahead for information and any changes that may have occurred after our print deadline. If you would like your event to be considered for inclusion in the MARCH CALENDAR, information must reach us no later than: FEBRUARY 15TH at

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RAISING KIDS IN A WORLD OF NOISE continued... its that promote empathy and the social intelligence that will help them thrive throughout life. “Introduce your kids to a diverse range of people and encourage them to befriend those who are different from them,” says McCormack. “Teach them to respond to challenging situations through a lens of curiosity and understanding instead of judgment. If a classmate is snide at school, help your child come up with ideas as to why he or she may be behaving that way. “And of course, model ways for them to help others in need,” he adds. “If you see a mom struggling to balance groceries and a newborn, offer to help her get her bags into her car.” Above all, remember to check your own behavior. As a parHQW \RX DUH D KXJH LQÀXHQFHU ,I \RX¶UH SHUSHWXDOO\ GLVWUDFWHG DQG DGGLFWHG WR WHFKQRORJ\ KRZ FDQ \RX H[SHFW WKHP QRW WR EH" When you spend hours watching TV or scrolling through FaceERRN DIWHU ZRUN ZK\ ZRXOG \RX QRW H[SHFW \RXU NLGV WR GR WKH VDPH" Spend your time in more productive, enriching, and rewarding ways. And talk about it. Say, “I’m really enjoying this pottery class. I like being creative.” Or, “I love working at the soup kitchen. It makes me feel happy to help others.” Remember, this is not about disconnecting from technology. It’s an incredibly valuable tool when we manage it well (rather than let it manage us). Rather, it’s about teaching kids to make better choices, to discern what they let in, and to take charge of their time and attention. It’s about giving them a life skill that will serve them well as adults. “We go to great lengths to protect our money and property and other resources, yet we don’t think twice about squandering our most expendable, scarce resource,” muses McCormack. “We have limited time, so what we pay attention to really matters. That’s one of the most important lessons we can teach our kids.” -RVHSK 0F&RUPDFN LV WKH DXWKRU RI ³12,6( /LYLQJ DQG /HDGLQJ :KHQ 1RERG\ &DQ )RFXV ´ +H LV SDVVLRQDWH DERXW KHOSLQJ people gain clarity when there is so much competing for our attention. He is a successful marketer, entrepreneur, and author. His ¿UVW ERRN ³%5,() 0DNH D %LJJHU ,PSDFW E\ 6D\LQJ /HVV´ (Wiley, 2014), sets the standard for concise communication. Joe is the founder and managing director of The BRIEF Lab, an organization dedicated to teaching professionals, military leaders, and entrepreneurs how to think and communicate clearly. His clients include Boeing, Harley-Davidson, Microsoft, Mastercard, DuPont, and select military units and government agencies. He publishes a weekly podcast called “Just Saying” that helps people master the elusive skills of focus and brevity. To learn more, visit ZZZ WKHEULHÀDE FRP QRLVH .

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FAMILY TRAVEL — by Deborah Williams

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t’s February, the perfect time to plan a close to home, romantic mini getaway without the kids. It is amazing that even an overnight can be so relaxing and rejuvenating. Undecided about a present for a speFLDO ELUWKGD\ RU DQQLYHUVDU\" +RZ DERXW D JLIW FHUWL¿FDWH IRU D QHDUE\ KRWHO" ,W will likely be a most memorable gift. This is the shortest month, although it is a Leap Year with an extra day. This /Z]Tb 2]e\b]e\ 0cTTOZ]

month also features Valentine’s Day and President’s Day. It also means that VSULQJ RI¿FLDOO\ EHJLQV QH[W PRQWK \HW Western New Yorkers all know that winter can linger well into April. Hotel rates are often lower in winter. Here are three standouts: all are in the center of downtown — one in Buffalo and two in Toronto. The Canadian KRWHOV EHQH¿W IURP FRQWLQXLQJ IDYRUDEOH exchange rates ($1 US = $1.30 CA at press time). 7RURQWR WUDI¿F LV XQSUHGLFWDEOH DQG downtown parking is quite expensive but there is a solution: drive to Burlington on the QEW and exit to the nearby GO Train free parking lot. Hop on the train that leaves every 30 minutes. An hour later walk out of Union Station in WKH KHDUW RI WKH FLW\ ZLWK QR WUDI¿F RU parking worries. The Aloft Downtown Buffalo is the newest entry in the burgeoning downtown hotel market. It opened last April as part of Ellicott Development /Z]Tb 2]e\b]e\ 0cTTOZ]

Part of the Marriott chain, this fun and stylish hotel has it all: an ideal location close to downtown attractions and restaurants; the highest rooftop bar outside New York City with breathtaking views of Lake Erie, Buffalo and &DQDGD KRWHO URRPV ERDVWLQJ ÀRRU to ceiling windows with more amazing views; a salt water pool with a perfect temperature for winter swimming, and a ¿WQHVV FHQWHU )UHVK &DWFK 3RNH D VHDfood restaurant has already opened and Vice, a full-scale restaurant, will open this spring. Be sure to arrive before sunset. I ZDONHG LQWR P\ ZLQGRZ ¿OOHG URRP MXVW a few minutes before sunset and quickly grabbed my camera. Then I discovered my balcony and it was even better. I was seeing the city and lake from a new vantage point and it was quite awesome. Later, before turning off the lights I made the decision to keep the view clear and not pull down the window shades. As dawn broke in the morning, I was able to watch the gradually brightening sky over the lake and the city — a quite wondrous experience. The Aloft is the perfect location for anyone attending the nearby Shea’s Performing Arts Center or a Sabres Game — grab the Metro Rail just a block away on Main Street. End your evening with a stop at Patrick’s Rooftop, with the best views in the city. Open year-round, with four eightIRRW ORQJ ¿UH SLWV DQG UDGLDQW KHDWLQJ the outdoors is inviting even into late fall and early spring. It was cold and windy on my December visit, but the views are just as good inside. It is named in memory of Patrick Paladino, younger brother of William Paladino, CEO of Ellicott Development. Patrick died in an auto accident in 2009. 8S KHUH WKHUH DUH QR WUDI¿F VRXQGV and it is hard to believe you are in BufIDOR ² WKLV LV GH¿QLWHO\ WKH ELJ OHDJXHV It has a big-city, hip vibe. A visit feels

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Aloft Downtown Buffalo, 500 Pearl St., Buffalo, 716-849-7280; 500pearl.com. The Fairmont Royal York Hotel is not only a Toronto icon but a Canadian icon. When it opened in 1929 it was the largest hotel in the British Commonwealth and the tallest building in the city. It was built to complement the new Union Station across Front Street. To celebrate its 90th anniversary, the classic 1,329 room hotel has undergone a multi-year renovation. All rooms have been modernized and new dining and drinking venues have opened including the chic REIGN Restaurant and the cosmopolitan lobby bar, CLOCKWORK.

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The redesigned lobby pays homage to the World War II era when soldiers departing by train from Union Station would ask their loved ones to “meet me at the clock” and would make plans to meet again at the hotel when they returned home. This phrase has become synonymous with the hotel ever since. CLOCKWORK features a new statement clock that is called the “90th Anniversary Clock.” It is dedicated to the past, present, and future colleagues of the hotel who have welcomed more than 40 million guests. The lobby is a bustling, high-energy space that conveys the feeling of being in Canada’s largest city and a city very much on the move. Although the years have brought many changes, many signature hotel feaWXUHV DUH VWLOO LQWDFW LQFOXGLQJ PDJQL¿FHQW hand-painted ceilings, ornate furnishings, crystal chandeliers and wall hangings. Walk where the rich and famous have walked — many celebrities, heads of state and three generations of British royalty including Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II have been guests. The hotel has been featured in numerous movies. It was home to writer Arthur Hailey while researching his book and movie Hotel. In addition to the new REIGN restaurant and CLOCKWORK, there is Benihana Japanese Steakhouse, Library Bar, Piper’s Pub and classic Afternoon Tea served on weekends — a longstanding tradition at the Royal York.

There is a lovely warm swimming pool and Health Club with massage services, as well as steam and sauna facilities.

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No matter if the weather outside is frightful, the Royal York is an integral part of the city’s underground walkway, known as PATH. It features 16 miles of shopping arcades. Guinness World Records rates it as the world’s largest underground shopping complex. PATH provides links to some of Toronto’s major tourist and entertainment attractions, as well as six major hotels, the train and bus stations, and restaurants galore. Fairmont Royal York Hotel, 100 Front St. W., Toronto, 416-368-2511 or 866-540-4489; fairmont.com. 7KH QHDUE\ ¿YH VWDU Ritz-Carlton Hotel is a glamorous modern hotel in the heart of the city’s theater district. It GH¿QLWHO\ OLYHV XS WR WKH razzle dazzle of its name. continued on page 41 )HEUXDU\ :1< )DPLO\

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“I want to savor each piece. Plus, there’s a chance I might not eat them all.” Her logic made sense. However, leaving the candy in plain view of a chocolate-loving man did not. I ended up eating three of the tiny pieces, savoring the taste of each one. Mattie did say that she might not eat them all. Later, I confessed that I had snatched a few pieces. Mattie said, “I thought my stash looked smaller.” Here’s the interesting part of my story, though. Having savored those tiny pieces of chocolate, I needed more. I walked into the pantry, pulled down the container, removed the lid, pulled out a piece, and dropped the entire chocolate into my mouth. The chocolate slid down deliciously, no need to cut it into smaller pieces. Then it hit me. The big piece, though good, was gone. I had enjoyed the three tiny pieces a lot longer. Hmm, maybe my wife and daughter’s savor strategy had merit.

avor. It’s a feel-good verb — like love. I love chocolate. I love ice cream. I love the thrill of victory. More accurately, I love my wife and daughter. I savor chocolate, ice cream, and victorious tennis matches.

three times the size had I not warned him. I wasn’t upset that he tried the fudge, and he ate a reasonable amount. I just thought KH FRXOG KDYH KDG WKH VDPH DPRXQW RI ÀDvor in each bite and made it last longer. Anyway, let’s hear Dad’s point of view.

We savor lots of things. Foods. Drinks. Smells. Experiences.

The fudge was delicious! I savored my piece, at least I thought I had. And from a man’s perspective, my piece was an appropriate size. I must admit, though, Jessie’s reaction surprised me.

In this hectic world, though, do we always take the time to savor, truly saYRU WKH PRPHQWV" 5HFHQWO\ P\ GDXJKter’s reaction to me eating a single piece of fudge taught me that I have room for improvement when it comes to savoring the moments. Here’s her side of the story.

-HVVLH $JH Today’s topic is about the proper amount of fudge. My mom brought home super great fudge from work and warned Daddy and me to taste just a little bit because it was very rich. I followed her directions and ate a crumb or two at a time. 1R ,¶P QRW H[DJJHUDWLQJ 7KH IXGJH ZDV super rich, and a tiny piece tasted like a whole piece of candy. I warned Dad about this before he tasted it, but he didn’t listen. He popped a giant piece into his PRXWK ZDVWLQJ ELWHV +H VDLG KH GLG listen, and he would have eaten a piece :1< )DPLO\ )HEUXDU\

Yesterday, another savoring lesson came into play. My wife, Mattie, had purFKDVHG D FRQWDLQHU RI ¿QH FKRFRODWHV D few days earlier. I walked into the kitchen and noticed a plate on the kitchen counter. The plate contained a single chocolate, cut into eight tiny pieces. I thought about sneaking a piece or two, but I knew where the container was located and could easily grab my own full piece, not one cut into eighths. The cut-up piece of chocolate tempted me all morning. Each time I walked by, one of the pieces called out to me, but I showed restraint. When Mattie came into the kitchen, I asked, “Why did you cut the chocolate LQWR HLJKW SLHFHV"

Jessie is a busy young lady. Her days DUH ¿OOHG ZLWK VFKRRO DQG H[WUD FXUULFXODU activities that often keep her away from us. This leaves Mattie and me hungering for more pieces of her time. We need to savor the smaller pieces we have, driving her to and from, watching from the sidelines, and listening to her describe key parts of her life we miss. But whether I’m savoring a big moment with Jessie or a few small ones, one thing is certain ’tween daughter and dad, I love my girl and my girl loves me. Until next month, remember to cherish the moments. Happy Valentine’s Day! Savor the moments, and maybe some chocolate, with the ones you love. 3DWULFN +HPS¿QJ KDG D \HDU SURIHVsional career in banking, accounting, and auditing before he became a father at age 44. He is now a full-time husband, stay-at-home dad, and writer. Follow Patrick at KWWS SDWULFNKHPS¿QJ FRP. J. / +HPS¿QJ QRZ EHJDQ ZULWLQJ ZLWK her dad in kindergarten. Her current hobbies include playing clarinet, saxophone, and piano. She also enjoys marching in her high school band. If you enjoyed this FROXPQ \RX¶OO OLNH 3DWULFN¶V ¿UVW ERRN 0R0(1WV $ 'DG +ROGV 2Q 7KH ERRN compiles favorite stories and new material and is available for sale on Amazon.

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ENTERTAINMENT STUDIOS MOTION PICTURES Released on DVD: November 1, 2019

For additional information on this ﬁlm’s content, visit www.parentpreviews.com

ail room clerk Swifty (voiced by Jeremy Renner) has a dream: to become a Top Dog, a star courier with the Arctic Blast Delivery Service. There’s just one problem: Swifty is a fox, not a dog. Feeling trapped in his dead end job, Swifty decides to prove his mettle so he steals a sled and heads out to deliver a package. But this delivery is more than Swifty bargained for, as he learns when he winds up in the sights of evil villain Otto Von Walrus (voiced by John Cleese). Can a little fox defeat a supervillain whose dastardly plan will destroy the Earth DV ZH NQRZ LW" There’s not much doubt about the answer to this question. Of course, Swifty and his friends will triumph. This is a kids’ movie, after all. The critters aren’t going to wind up dead in a snowy wasteland. The real question is whether the journey to this happy ending is worth taking. For adults, the answer is no. The predictable story line IHHOV OLNH D JUHDW ¿UVW GUDIW WKDW QHHGHG D ELW more polish and the jokes are aimed at the under-twelve crowd. Arctic Dogs is the kind RI ¿OP WKDW OHDYHV DGXOWV ORQJLQJ IRU WKHLU phones and a round of Candy Crush to fend off the boredom. For young audiences, Arctic Dogs is lots of fun. I brought two of my sons to the movie and they laughed out loud at the corny jokes and slapstick physical comedy. And, on the bright side, this production serves up some positive themes along with the cheesy jokes. Swifty’s character arc demonstrates that success comes to those who are true to themselves. The story shows that hard work and determination pay off in the long run

and that we are stronger working together WKDQ JRLQJ LW DORQH $QG WKH ¿OP HQFRXUDJHV small individual efforts to ameliorate global warming, with a message that every little bit helps. Arctic Dogs also warns youngsters against the consequences of dishonesty. There’s a boy-cries-wolf subplot: Swifty’s reputation for exaggeration and dishonesty means his initial warnings about Otto Von Walrus’ evil plot are disregarded. In terms of production values, Arctic Dogs does fairly well. The animation qualLW\ LV VXI¿FLHQWO\ UHDOLVWLF WR PDNH WKH ¿Ftional arctic town seem sweet and simple. Pixar it ain’t, but it’s watchable. And the voice cast is far superior to the movie. John Cleese steals the show as Otto Von Walrus and Anjelica Huston acquires an amusing Russian accent in her portrayal of Magda. But, frankly, the movie doesn’t really need the superstar vocal talent: the script simply isn’t good enough. And a portion of the money spent on actors should have been directed towards a songwriter who could have added some personality to the show. Arctic Dogs was never worth the effort to hitch up the sled and race off to the theater. The movie is pleasant and harmless but not worth the ticket price at the local multiplex. Now that it’s out on DVD, you can enjoy it from your couch. If you’re going to nap during a movie, you might as well do it in the comfort of your home. TALK ABOUT THE MOVIE WITH YOUR FAMILY… :K\ GLG 6ZLIW\ WDNH WKH VOHG" 'R \RX WKLQN LW ZDV RN WR GR WKDW" &DQ \RX WKLQN RI another way he could have tried to achieve KLV JRDO"

WATCH AT HOME… Sled racing is the center of a kidfriendly winter story in Racetime. For adventure and peril in a winter environment, watch Disney’s blockbuster classic, Frozen. The dangers global warming poses to the Arctic ecosystem takes center stage in Arctic Tale. Narrated by Queen Latifah, this ¿OP IROORZV WKH FKDOOHQJHV IDFHG E\ SRODU bear and walrus cubs as they struggle to survive. A Reindeer’s Journey tells the true stoU\ RI D UHLQGHHU¶V ¿UVW \HDU 6HW LQ )LQODQG¶V /DSODQG UHJLRQ WKLV NLG VDIH ¿OP IHDWXUHV some stunning scenes in the far north. LOVED THE MOVIE? TRY THESE BOOKS… If your kids love interactive books, run and get a copy of Last Stop on the Reindeer Express. Written by Maudie Powell-Tuck and illustrated by Karl James Mountford, this little book tells the story of a magic mailbox which provides access to the magical Reindeer Express. Doors that open to following pages, peepholes onto other scenes, cards that open…there’s lots for little readers to do. Fans of wordless picture books will enjoy Little Fox in the Forest. Written and illustrated by Stephanie Graegin, this gentle story features two friends who follow a fox LQ WKH IRUHVW DQG ¿QG D PDJLFDO YLOODJH Mr. Fox and his friends have an airborne adventure in $QG $ZD\ :H *R Author Migy England tells the story of Mr. Fox who lets his friends join him on a hot air balloon trip to the moon. )HEUXDU\ :1< )DPLO\

As your child grows, if you have concern over a possible cavity, don’t give your child too much information. This can result in undue anxiety. Your dentist should have the experience and expertise to talk to your child about such procedures in a manner that alleviates any anxiety your child might experience.

POSITIVE DENTAL VISIT continued... as A Trip to the Dentist Through Pinatta’s View. Also, express positive feelings about your own dental experiences. Don’t discuss non-routine procedures VXFK DV ¿OOLQJV ([SODLQ WR \RXU FKLOG WKH basic procedures your child will undergo. For example, the dentist will count your child’s teeth and look at them with a tiny mirror. Avoid frightening terminology.

If your child is anxious, don’t try to soothe your child by lying about a procedure or possible pain. Instead, try to alleviate fears that may be out of proportion to the situation. Finally, offer coping strategies to your child. Have your child practice taking long deep breaths. If you know you’ll be attending your child throughout the procedure (speak to your dentist ¿UVW WR FRQ¿UP WKLV \RX FDQ RIIHU \RXU hand to squeeze. Kimberly Blaker is a freelance writer and the author of a kid’s STEM book, ³+RURVFRSHV 5HDOLW\ RU 7ULFNHU\"´ Learn more at www.kimberlyblaker.com

Save the Date!

FREE!

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SUMMER CAMP and Fun Fair Saturday, March 21, 2020 h11am - 2pmg h Character

Meet-and-Greets

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DEAR TEACHER – by Peggy Gisler and Marge Eberts

Helping all parents make their FKLOGUHQ·V HGXFDWLRQDO H[SHULHQFH as successful as possible

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uestion: My little boy is bright, but he is not doing at all well in school. Something is just not working for him. I hear about learning disabilities. Is it possible that he has RQH" ([DFWO\ ZKDW DUH OHDUQLQJ GLVDELOLWLHV DQG ZKHUH FDQ , OHDUQ PRUH DERXW WKHP" — Possible Learning Problem Answer: Learning disabilities are neurobiological differences in brain structure and/or function. These differences lead to problems with learning. New brain scanning techniques have enabled scientists to understand the underlying neural basis of learning disabilities. Children with learning disabilities are often just as intelligent or more intelligent than other chilGUHQ EXW KDYH GLI¿FXOW\ OHDUQLQJ EHFDXVH their minds process words or information differently. Your son may or may not have a learning disability. Nevertheless, parents are RIWHQ WKH ¿UVW WR QRWLFH WKH SUREOHPV WKHLU children are having learning. The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development lists these eight signs that a child may have a learning disability. % 'LI¿FXOW\ ZLWK UHDGLQJ DQG RU ZULWing % Problems with math skills % 'LI¿FXOW\ UHPHPEHULQJ % Problems paying attention % Trouble following directions % Poor coordination % 'LI¿FXOW\ ZLWK FRQFHSWV UHODWHG WR time % Problems staying organized You will get a very solid start to having reliable information about learning disabilities by visiting the website of the Learning Disabilities Association of America (ldaamerica.org). Not only can you learn there about the 13 categories of disabilities

XQGHU WKH ODZ EXW \RX FDQ DOVR ¿QG RXW WKH signs and symptoms of each one, as well as strategies that can be used to help children. In addition, this website lets you ask questions of experts and provides support as well as resources for parents of children with learning disabilities. Unfortunately, we must caution you that it is not always easy for parents of children with learning disabilities to get the help their children need and are entitled to receive without being very knowledgeable, proactive, and determined, as schools often drag their heels in providing this help. Early diagnosis of a child’s learning disability and timely intervention by parHQWV WHDFKHUV RU GRFWRUV FDQ VLJQL¿FDQWO\ improve the child’s self-esteem, academic achievement, and ability to form and maintain relationships.

7LPH 7KDW 6WXGHQWV 6KRXOG 6SHQG RQ +RPHZRUN Question: I think children in elementary and middle school are spending way too much time on homework. How much WLPH VKRXOG WKH\ EH VSHQGLQJ" $UH WKHUH any shortcuts that they could use to lessen WKHLU WLPH RQ KRPHZRUN" — Too Much Time Answer: How much time children should spend on homework is fairly wellHVWDEOLVKHG 6WDUWLQJ LQ ¿UVW JUDGH WKH\ should spend about 10 minutes a night. Then for each successive grade, add another PLQXWHV 8VLQJ WKLV IRUPXOD D ¿IWK JUDGer should have approximately 50 minutes of homework, and a sixth grader an hour. How much homework children actually have depends on their individual teachers. Plus, many children have several teachers in middle school, so their homework load might be light or heavy. When middle schools have a homework policy, children are likely to have to spend the same amount of time on homework most nights.

In elementary school and some classes in middle school, students often begin their homework assignments in class so teachers can be sure they understand what they need to do. If children use this time wisely, their homework time will be reduced. If you think that your children are spending way too much time on homework, talk to their teachers. They may have suggestions about ways this time can be reduced. There is also the possibility that a teacher does not realize how lengthy his or her assignments are. $ KRPHZRUN FRQWUDFW GH¿QLWHO\ KHOSV PDQ\ VWXGHQWV KDQGOH WKLV WDVN LQ DQ HI¿cient way. You can download one from our Dear Teacher website. Here are some helpful tips to help children to learn to tackle their homework in a shorter time: % Teach them how to organize and tackle their homework. • Make sure they understand the assignment before they begin. • Make sure their homework spot has all the materials they will need.

7LPH WR (YDOXDWH &KLOGUHQ·V 3URJUHVV LQ 6FKRRO Parents: Your children are slightly more than halfway through the school year. Take the time now to evaluate exactly how they are doing. If they are having problems in any of their classes, there is still plenty of time to turn things around. Begin by talking to their teachers. Find out exactly what help is needed to get them back on track and where it will be available — school, tutoring, learning center.

3DUHQWV· 5ROH LQ 6WDQGDUGL]HG 7HVWLQJ Question: I know that the second semester brings many standardized tests. How can I help my kids stay calm and foFXVHG" 'R , QHHG WR GR DQ\WKLQJ WR KHOS WKHP SUHSDUH IRU WKHVH WHVWV" — Want to be Ready Answer: First of all, you don’t want to stress your children out about standardized tests. You can help them avoid being tense by having them recall past academic VXFFHVVHV VR WKH\ ZLOO IHHO FRQ¿GHQW JRLQJ into the tests. You don’t really need to do anything to help them prepare for these tests. This is their teachers’ job. Parents should send questions and comments to dearteacher@dearteacher.com or to the Dear Teacher website )HEUXDU\ :1< )DPLO\

the modern, fraudulent notion that you’re not supposed to meddle in your child’s life. Parents need to be up to speed on what their children are doing.”

parent’s worst nightmare: Her teen daughter’s fairytale relationship has somehow spiraled violently out of control, and she doesn’t seem to want to free herself from it.

Warning Signs

Unfortunately, relationship violence is not all that uncommon. According to a 2019 report published by the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention), “Nearly 1 in 11 female students report having experienced physical dating violence in the last year.”

Some suitors don’t seem violent DW ¿UVW VR LW LV LPSHUDWLYH WKDW SDUHQWV are aware of potential warning signs. Christine Weber, Ph.D., a clinical neuropsychologist practicing in Seaford, NY, instructs parents to be wary of the following behaviors: • Your teen stops sharing information with friends and family.

Dating violence crosses all racial, economic, and social lines. Most victims are young women, who often keep their suffering secret, so it is typical WKDW SDUHQWV GRQ¶W ¿QG RXW XQWLO WKLQJV have gotten extremely out of hand. As a mother of a teenage daughter who was abused by a controlling and violent boyfriend, Heidi (name FKDQJHG WR SURWHFW SULYDF\ explains, “We only found out because my husband took her phone for another reason and was shocked to see messages our daughter’s boyfriend was sending her.” Heidi says that Sabrina’s (name changed WR SURWHFW SULYDF\ boyfriend did not start mistreating her until months into the relationship. By that time, he had already established control over her. “He would tell her things like, ‘Your mom and dad don’t love you like I do,’” Heidi reports. She says that the situation escalated rapidly. The abuse was both physical and verbal, but Heidi explains that Sabrina would hide the abuse from them. “The school called us one day and said that we had to get there immediately because our daughter had been hurt by her boyfriend.” Heidi describes the fear, hopelessness, anger and frustration a parent feels when this is happening to her child. “It’s hard to understand how awful this is unless you are going through it.” The entire family is affected by the situation. “It started to affect our marriage and our other children because we were consumed with Sabrina’s situation.” Can parents help their daughters out RI WKH DE\VV"

Avoiding Abuse from the Get-Go A healthy and loving relationship with male caregivers is a good prereq :1< )DPLO\ )HEUXDU\

• Your teen becomes isolated because her abuser uses isolation to satisfy a need for control. <RXU WHHQ GHIHQGV RU MXVWL¿HV the abuse (e.g., “He didn’t mean to shove me.”). • Your teen drastically changes her appearance to satisfy her boyfriend’s needs instead of her own.

TWEENS & TEENS — by Myrna Beth Haskell

%587$/ %2<)5,(1'6 What every parent should know uisite for future relationships because girls will know what to look for in a male companion. However, this does not guarantee that your daughter won’t become involved in a destructive relationship. “The key lies in creating a strong loving bond between a daughter and her GDG 7KLV LV WKH ¿UVW UHODWLRQVKLS ZLWK D man that starts your daughter on her love map and later leads to her choice of men to date and marry,” explains Carole Lieberman, M.D., host of the weekly Internet radio show, Dr. Carole’s Couch, and member of the clinical faculty at U.C.L.A.’s Neuropsychiatric Institute. Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, founder of “This World: The Values Network” and international bestselling author of thirty books, including 7HQ &RQYHUVDWLRQV <RX 1HHG WR +DYH ZLWK <RXU &KLOGUHQ (William Morrow), counsels, “I reject

• Your teen’s boyfriend refuses to meet you. (Not necessarily a sign of DEXVH EXW D JHQHUDO ³UHG ÀDJ´

Steps Parents Should Take “If you really want your teen daughWHU WR QDYLJDWH KHU ZD\ WKURXJK D GLI¿FXOW or abusive relationship, you need her to trust you; otherwise, she won’t even be able to hear you,” says Robert Epstein, Ph.D., a senior research psychologist at the American Institute for Behavioral Research and Technology and author of 7HHQ 6DYLQJ 2XU &KLOGUHQ DQG )DPilies from the Torment of Adolescence (Linden Publishing). “The most important way to achieve this is to show her that you trust her judgment — don’t criticize her for being an idiot who is being taken advantage of by a defective male.” Rabbi Boteach says that parents need to be in positions of authority but understand their child’s needs. “Rather than saying ‘I won’t allow it,’ ask questions about what your teen is feeling, such as ‘Do you feel this young man reVSHFWV \RX"¶´ Lieberman recommends that parents encourage their daughter to see a therapist, but must step in to protect their child from violence. “If she ignores your warnings and sneaks out anyway, contact

the school and the police, especially if there is proof of physical abuse.”

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TIPS & TALES “Teen girls should be leery of the guy who doesn’t want her to go out with her friends and family or gets jealous if he doesn’t KDYH KHU DWWHQWLRQ 5HG ÀDJ ´ — Laura Bongiorno +\GH 3DUN 1< “Love is blind sometimes, but as parents we should be involved in our daughters’ relationships. Meet and get to know the boyfriend, but not in a controlling way.”

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² 5KRQGD 'L[RQ .LQJVWRQ 1< “Often controlling relationships start out with a lot of atWHQWLRQ ZKLFK FDQ EH ÀDWWHULQJ :KHQ WKH\ KDYH VRPHRQH ZKR showers them with gifts, they think it’s the real thing. However, the gifts often come with strings, and the giver can be quite pushy about collecting.” ² 'HEELH 6W 2QJH 3RXJKNHHSVLH 1< 0\UQD %HWK +DVNHOO LV WKH DXWKRU RI ³/,216 DQG 7,*(56 DQG 7((16 ([SHUW DGYLFH DQG VXSSRUW IRU WKH FRQVFLHQWLRXV SDUHQW MXVW OLNH \RX´ 8QOLPLWHG 3XEOLVKLQJ //& +HU ZRUN KDV DSpeared in publications across the U.S. as well as internationally. Learn more at www.myrnahaskell.com.

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The one in acceptance must have the strength to say “no” to requests for comfort and help and recognize that the other parent must begin to act independently. This may create anger or depression in the other parent, but these are natural stages of the grief cycle.

When the other parent is angry

Give the Other Parent Space to Grieve

stages (denial, anarents SINGLE PARENTING ger, bargaining, and who are depression) are deg o i n g — by Diane C. Dierks, LMFT scribed below. If you through a divorce ofare struggling with how to respond to the ten treat each other worse in the divorce other parent’s grief, here are some helpful process than they did when their marriage WLSV WR NHHS \RX IURP JHWWLQJ LQWR FRQÀLFWV was falling apart! This has to do, in large that may adversely affect the children: part, with the process of grieving that is a normal and natural response to a divorce When the other parent is in denial or break-up. No matter what the circumabout the divorce stances, everyone who is affected will go through the grief process at some level. Those who leave their marriages (the Leavers) may have already gone through a Grief is about major change, so a cycle or two of grief while they remained parent may not miss the presence of the in the marriage, and then had to get to other parent, but may grieve the loss of some sense of acceptance before they had the dream he or she had about the future. the courage to let the other parent know A parent may also grieve the loss of time where they were emotionally. This leaves with children, the change in living ara tremendous emotional gap between the rangements (e.g., going from a large house Leaver and the one being left (the Leavee). WR D VPDOO DSDUWPHQW RU WKH FKDQJH LQ ¿nancial circumstances. In this case, the Leaver often feels guilty for causing the Leavee pain, so he There are numerous changes that acor she tries to alleviate the pain by engagcompany divorce, causing just about eving in behaviors that may seem kind and eryone experiencing it to feel some sense sensitive to the Leaver, but can be interof loss. It is best for parents to embrace preted by the Leavee as hope for the marthis as a normal, natural life response, riage. If the other parent is in denial about rather than try to avoid the feelings that the divorce and still holds out hope, it is accompany grief. best for the parent who is sure about the Giving yourself and the other parent divorce decision to leave that parent alone permission to grieve is a healthy way to so he or she can experience the grief withnavigate family change and also to help out confusion. kids feel okay about their intense emotions This means the Leaver must refrain as they go through the divorcing process from trying to rescue the other parent from as well. pain. Doing favors for the parent in denial, In the 1960s, researcher Dr. Elisabeth having family dinners, long talks over din.XEOHU 5RVV LGHQWL¿HG GLVWLQFW VWDJHV RI ner or the phone, etc., tend not to be progrief that people typcially experience afductive when one parent has accepted the ter a major change or loss. Several of these divorce and the other is in denial. :1< )DPLO\ )HEUXDU\

When a parent engages in a lot of angry behavior or conversation, it is best, again, for the other parent to step away and give that parent space to experience the anger without provocation or engagement. It is appropriate for the non-angry parent to walk away from conversations, hang up when things stray from child issues to personal anger issues, and to limit communication (such as e-mail only) until the angry parent can manage his or her emotions more productively. This is also a time for the non-angry parent to focus on safety. If a parent is dealing with an angry situation on the other side, he or she should take precautions to not be alone with that parent, not let that parent into his or her home, change the locks on the doors to the home, refrain from meeting the parent in out of the way places, and request that all communication take place between their respective attorneys until the anger subsides. Divorce can be a dangerous time because of the intense emotions involved, so parents should make safety a top priority during this time.

When the other parent is trying to bargain Many times, the parent who has not yet accepted the divorce may want to reconcile with the other parent in order to avoid experiencing additional pain. This means that they may try to make deals with the other parent, like saying they will change, do all the right things, make a new commitment, etc. Although reconciliation may be a good idea for couples going through divorce, it must be assumed that a lot of pain has preceded the divorce decision and simply cannot be remedied with words. If parents are tempted to “buy in” to the other parent’s request to reconcile, it is best LI WKH\ GR VR ZLWK WKH KHOS RI D TXDOL¿HG counselor or marriage and family therapist. Preferably, each parent should get individual guidance from a therapist before entering into marital therapy, so that each person can be clear about the parts they each played in the break up of the mar-

riage. Once they are clear about that, then marital therapy and reconciliation has a better chance of being successful.

When the other parent is depressed When depression hits the other parent, it is tempting to want to rescue that person from his or her misery. They will likely try to create misery for the other parent, thinking they do not want to be alone in their depression. Again, the parent in acceptance must give the other parent space to feel whatever feelings are necessary to work through their grief. If a parent is concerned that the other parent is dangerously depressed (i.e., talking about or making suicide threats), he or she should contact one of the other parent’s family members and express these concerns. It’s important that the depressed parent is not allowed by the other parent to commit emotional blackmail by using suicide or depression as a weapon to hurt the other parent. Getting other family members involved to keep the parent safe is the best solution. Also, understand that a depressed parent is not likely to be in the best place for negotiation. It is unwise for the parent in acceptance to take advantage of the depressed parent’s likely attitude of wanting to “just sign anything” to get it over with. This indicates that the parent may be willing to give away assets or time with the kids currently, but when he or she gets done grieving, a return to court could be in the future. It is best, then, to be fair and equitable even though one parent is emotionally compromised. When both parents are in the acceptance stage of their grief, they can coparent most effectively and successfully. Therefore, it makes sense for parents to be kind to themselves and careful not to do behaviors that may keep the other parent stuck in their negative feelings. You cannot control how someone else grieves, but understanding and giving space during post-divorce grief go a long way toward facilitating a good co-parent relationship. 'LDQH & 'LHUNV LV D OLFHQVHG PDUULDJH DQG family therapist in Atlanta, Georgia. She is also author of “The Co-Parent Toolbox” $KD 3XEOLVKLQJ DQG ³Solo Parenting: Raising Strong & Happy Families” )DLUYLHZ 3UHVV )RU PRUH LQIRUPDWLRQ YLVLW her website is www.dianedierks.com.

Some day, you’ll be taking care of your parents as well as your kids.

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FAMILY TRAVEL continued...

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Opened in 2011, the hotel is ideally located across from the entertainment district and offers sweeping views of Lake Ontario. The building is modern, cube-like glass topped off with a VWRU\ WRZHU 7KH URRP KRWHO WDNHV XS WKH ¿UVW VWRULHV and the rest are condos. 7KH ¿YH VWDU $$$ UDWHG KRWHO ZDV QDPHG QXPEHU RQH LQ Best Toronto Hotels and in Best Ontario hotels by 8 6 1HZV World Report last year. It is part of the Marriott family of hotels. The hotel pays homage to its location in Canada’s largest city with its permanent 450-piece art collection by Canadian artists or those living in Canada. All the rooms and bathrooms are extra spacious and offer either views of the lake or the cityscape. My room had a wonderful view of the CN Tower and the lake beyond. I could watch the tower coming out of the clouds or as the sun went down and its lights came on. I grew to feel a connection with the tower, which has become an icon of the Toronto skyline. It was WKH ODVW WKLQJ , VDZ DW QLJKW DQG WKH ¿UVW LQ WKH PRUQLQJ The hotel boasts the only Spa My Blend by Clarins in North America with 16 treatment rooms and even a champagne QDLO EDU 7KH KRXU ¿WQHVV FHQWHU RIIHUV SHUVRQDO WUDLQLQJ 7KH salt-water pool sports spa jets along one side and is perfect for lap swimming or just relaxing. The hotel’s main dining establishment is TOCA (standing IRU 7RURQWR &DQDGD ,W LV D SRSXODU ¿QH GLQLQJ ,WDOLDQ UHVWDXrant boasting a cheese cave with a curated cache of English, French, Italian, Quebec and Ontario cheeses. The DEQ Terrace & Lounge serves comfort food inside and out (weather permitting). If you always wanted to try a liquid nitrogen-laden cocktail, the Ritz Bar is the place to do it.

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Just across the street is Roy Thomson Hall. It is home to the Toronto Symphony Orchestra and one of the main venues used by the Toronto International Film Festival. On King Street West are the Princess of Wales and Royal Alexandria Theatres, two iconic Mirvish theaters. The hotel is also linked to the vast underground PATH walkway system and is close to the CN Tower, Scotiabank Arena (home of the Maple Leafs hockey team and the Toronto Raptors basketball team) and Rogers Centre (home of the Blue Jays baseball). Ritz-Carlton Hotel, 181 Wellington Street West, Toronto, 416-585-2500, ritzcarlton.com. A stay at any of these properties would be a wonderful way to make Valentine memories — or enjoy time together any time of the year! Deborah Williams is a veteran travel writer, whose worked has appeared in national and international publications. She lives LQ +ROODQG 1< DQG LV WKH UHFLSLHQW RI WKH 6RFLHW\ RI $PHULFDQ Travel Writers Lowell Thomas Golden Travel Writing Award.

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THE FAMILY PET

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hose with a “small dog” understand. These dogs typically are less then 18” tall and weigh under 20 pounds. They come in many varieties — toy, miniature and small breeds (pure and mixed) including Chihuahuas, Mini Poodles, Bichon Frise, Yorkshire Terriers, Shih-tsu, etc. Some are compact and sturdy, like Jack Russell Terriers, French Bulldogs, or West Highland White Terriers. Each

breed has distinctive appearance, characteristics, temperament, and needs. Small dogs differ from mid to large size dogs in many ways. Here are some examples: • Many small dogs were bred to be lapdogs and companion animals. They become very attached to their owners, ¿HUFHO\ OR\DO DQG ZDQW WR VSHQG WLPH with you.

• Small dogs are at risk of becoming overweight, which can put a lot of stress on their joints and bones and impact their overall health. Dogs that maintain

• Small dogs that are younger will tend to have more energy and need more exercise than an older dog. This is especially true if your pet begins to suffer from age-related health problems, like arthritis. Exercise needs will depend on your dog’s age, their health, and their breed. Most small dogs will need at least 30 minutes of exercise a day. • Small dogs tend to be more fragile and easily hurt than larger dogs. Small dogs are at a higher risk for fractures and concussions because their bones are much smaller than large dogs. They can be easily hurt by rough play by children, are at risk of being stepped on, and may misjudge distances when jumping off stairs and furniture • Small dogs sleep an average of twelve to fourteen hours a day as adults, and puppies will sleep even more. Whether you decide to crate train your dog or have them sleep in their own dog bed, your dog wants to feel safe when they sleep. If your pet sleeps or naps on furniture (such as a couch or bed) consider providing small steps so that they

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don’t risk injury from jumping up or down. Think about what your short dog VHHV IURP LQFKHV DERYH WKH ÀRRU ² it’s a whole different world down there!

a healthy weight can increase their life expectancies by up to two years. • Treats are a great way to praise your dog or to reward them for good behaviors. However, they are a source of additional calories for your dog and HYHQ D VPDOO ZHLJKW JDLQ FDQ EH VLJQL¿cant for small dogs. Think about it this way — if your dog weighs 10 lbs. and loses 2.5 lbs, that’s 25%; if you weigh 150 lbs and lose 25% you’re down to 112.50 lbs. Watch your pet’s weight so WKDW LW GRHVQ¶W ÀXFWXDWH WRR PXFK RQH way or the other. • Being a small dog in a big world can be a challenge. However, small dogs very often get away with bad or

dangerous behaviors that would never be tolerated in their larger breed counterparts. Sometimes the behavior is for perceived defense. This can become an unwanted habit if not corrected early. Basic training is a must for a dog of any size. Come, sit, stay, leave it, are just a few commands that need to be in their understanding vocabulary. • Small dogs are so yappy! Not true. It’s up to you to make sure they aren’t. While many small dogs are considered yappy and bark excessively, this is a behavior that can be corrected without too PXFK GLI¿FXOW\ 'LVFRXUDJH RYHU EDUNing by withholding treats and verbally correcting the dog when they bark without a reason. • Some small dogs will require more complicated grooming than other breeds. While pet parents should regularly brush their pets (especially those with hair instead of fur), many pets should be taken to a professional groomer regularly. Most breeds can be bathed once a month, unless the dog has become muddy or dirty from outdoor play or walks.

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• One of the best things about being a small dog pet parent is that they generally live longer than larger breeds. Small GRJV RIWHQ OLYH VLJQL¿FDQWO\ ORQJHU WKDQ their large and giant breed counterparts. The small breeds have an average life expectancy of 12 to 14 years; for larger breeds, it›s 8 to 10; and for the so-called “giant breeds,” lifespan is 5 to 8 years. For more information and tips about small dogs, call or visit your family veterinarian, your other family doctor. Remember, your veterinarian is your best source for advice on keeping your pet safe, healthy, and happy! 7KH 1LDJDUD )URQWLHU 9HWHULQDU\ 6RFLHW\ LV FRPSULVHG RI PRUH WKDQ VPDOO DQLPDO KRVSLWDOV DQG PRUH WKDQ SUDFWLWLRQHUV LQ (ULH DQG 1LDJDUD &RXQWLHV ,W exists to advance public awareness and understanding of proper pet health care, veterinary services and the veterinary profession.

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Drug Epidemic Likely “Killing More Americans Than We Think”

s the drug epidemic began to unfold in the United States, deaths FODVVLÀHG DV GUXJ UHODWHG IRU 15- to 64-year-olds hit 9% in 2016, up from about 4% seven years prior. But new research published in PLOS ONE from the University of Pennsylvania and Georgetown University suggests that drug-associated mortality in this country is actually more than double that. “It’s obvious that the drug epidemic is a major American disaster,” says Penn demographer Samuel Preston, who conducted this work with Georgetown demographer Dana Glei. “The basic records being kept are annual reports on the number of deaths from drug overdose. But that’s only part of the picture.” Among this group of Americans in 2016, 63,000 deaths were attributed to drug-related causes — mostly poisonings — but Glei and Preston estimate that the overall number of drug-associated deaths is far higher: around 142,000. They also found that, on average, drug use decreased life expectancy after age 15 by 1.4 years for men and by 0.7 years for ZRPHQ ³ ÀJXUHV WKDW PRUH WKDQ GRXEOHG IRU the hardest-hit state, West Virginia. “The drug epidemic is probably killing a lot more Americans than we think,” says Glei, a senior research investigator in Georgetown’s Center for Population and Health. “That’s the main point we’re trying to make.”

Beyond Overdoses

Decreased Life Expectancy

To draw these conclusions, the researchers turned to a dataset from the National Center for Health Statistics, part of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. They built models to assess the mortality rates for males and females in all 50 states from 15 age groups and for 18 calendar years. The dataset represented more than 44 million deaths, 667,196 of which were coded as related to drugs. Their models eventually showed that drug-coded deaths, which include drug overdoses and mental and behavioral disorders related to drugs, represent only about half of all drug-associated deaths.

Glei and Preston then looked at life expectancy. They found that drug use shaved off nearly a year-and-a-half of life for men and three-quarters of a year for women. “That may not sound like a lot,” says Glei, “but it’s a big effect. It’s big enough to account for the recent reversal of life-expectancy trends in the United States.”

“Drugs can kill in other ways,” says Preston, a professor of sociology and member of Penn’s Population Studies Center. “Infectious disease like HIV/AIDS and hepatitis, impaired judgement, suicide, circulatory disease—these are all affected by drug use. People who are perpetual drug users have much higher mortality in general.” The statistical associations between drug-coded deaths and other deaths suggest that drug use likely cost something in the neighborhood of 142,000 deaths in 2016, RU WLPHV WKH QXPEHU RI GHDWK FHUWLÀFDWHV that coded “drugs” as the underlying cause of death.

West Virginia — known to be the opioid crisis epicenter, with high drug-overdose rates — fared the worst, with drug-associated deaths for 15- to 64-year-olds hitting 39% for males and 27% for females. Other states with high rates included Massachusetts, Maryland, Pennsylvania, and Ohio. “Pennsylvania is one of the hardest hit,” Preston says. “We estimate that for 15- to 64-year-olds, 34% of male deaths and 23% of female deaths in 2016 were attributable to drugs.”

No Root Causes Though this work does recalculate the magnitude of the drug problem in the U.S., the researchers say it doesn’t get at root causes. &XUUHQWO\ WZR WKHRULHV SUHYDLO 7KH ÀUVW has to do with drug supply, fueled initially by a wave of addiction to prescription drugs like oxycontin, then again with street drugs like KHURLQ DQG ÀQDOO\ E\ RSLRLGV OLNH IHQWDQ\O The second has to do with what are called “deaths of despair” that stem from abuse of alcohol and other drugs and also suicide, all of which are spurred by a deeper underlying cause. In this theory, “it’s not just about the supply of drugs but that there’s something else behind all of it that causes people to either use drugs or alcohol or commit suicide because they’ve lost interest in their life,” Glei explains. “We’re not differentiating between these two approaches or identifying any other explanations of what’s going on,” Preston adds. That could potentially come in future work. For now, this research aims to paint a broad picture and get at the true extent of the drug epidemic in the United States. — Source: University of Pennsylvania

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— by Pam Moore

Why Time Apart Might Be The Perfect Marriage Elixir

ZDV SUHJQDQW ZLWK RXU ÀUVW FKLOG when my husband and I attended a friend’s 40th birthday party. Over thumping music and margaritas (a Shirley Temple for me), we wished the guest of honor a happy birthday. “How does 40 feel?” My husband asked. “It’s good,” he said. “But I’m tired.” He and his wife had two young kids at the time. “I don’t remember the last time I slept through the night.” Our friend turned his gaze to his wife. Beaming in her direction, he told us how excited he was to spend the night at the swanky hotel down the street that night. “So fun!” I exclaimed. “The kids are with their grandparents overnight?” Our friend and his wife laughed, shaking their heads. “No,” she explained. “I’m staying with the kids so my husband can have the entire night to himself and wake up whenever he wants, in silence, totally alone.” ´7RR EDG \RX FRXOGQ·W ÀQG D VLWWHU VR you could stay at the hotel together,” I replied. “No, this is actually the perfect birthday treat,” our friend insisted. I sipped my Shirley Temple and tried to make my face look as if I understood. Six years, two kids of my own, and countless sleepless nights later, I understand. As I’ve come to learn, taking time for yourself once you become a parent is not a luxury but a necessity. Though it seems counterintuitive, one of the best things you can do for your marriage is to step away from it, regularly and intentionDOO\ , WDONHG WR H[SHUWV WR ÀQG RXW ZK\ couples — particularly those with kids

still there, even if you’re buried under laundry and birthday party invitations. And you still matter. Hedger uses the analogy of a sports team to illustrate the importance of each half of a couple bringing their best self to the relationship. Just as a team functions optimally when each player brings his unique strengths to the game, “having time apart allows you to be true to yourself in a way that allows you to uniquely contribute when being part of the Relationship Team.” Not only do you bring greater energy to the relationship when you’ve had time to recharge, you also become a more interesting person to your partner.

— are so much better together when they spend time apart.

Because kids… Our kids absorb an incredible amount of our time and energy. Ironically, this is exactly why parents need to take time for themselves. Alex Hedger, therapist and clinical director of Dynamic You Therapy Clinics, encourages parents to take breaks from the demands of both their children and their partner, in order to “prevent cracks appearing in either partner’s wellbeing — or the relationship.” Tiya CunQLQJKDP 6XPWHU D FHUWLÀHG OLIH DQG UHODtionship coach, describes those potential cracks as “regret and resentment toward \RXU SDUWQHU« <RX·OO ÀQG \RXUVHOI JLYLQJ your partner the angry side-eye and it’s all because you didn’t make time for you.” While experts agree that downtime is crucial for both parents, David Ezell, therapist and clinical director of Darien Wellness, argues it’s particularly important for women. He describes a client who mistakenly believes she should never be apart from her kids, a mindset that tends to be unique to mothers. “Not only is it horrible for the children — they need to learn mom can leave and come back — but it’s also likely to turn this highly educated, accomplished woman’s brain into mush. Children are wonderful but we all need a break from being asked why the sky is blue (for the 400th time).”

You’re still fascinating even if you answer to Mom or Dad Before you were someone’s mom, dad, husband, wife, or partner, you were just you. Peel off all the labels and you’re

Absence makes the heart grow fonder Whether you take an hour for a kickboxing class, an evening with friends, or a weekend to go on a yoga retreat, taking time apart gives you and your partner a chance to miss one another. Amy Bailey, a Colorado mom of three who has been married 16 years, says that while date nights are key, so is time apart. Says Bailey, “There’s nothing that makes me miss home and my husband like not having him around, and we take that time to send each other texts we wouldn’t want our kids to read, and by the time we see each other again — well... we’re ready to see each other again.” While any time away from your partner can be helpful, research suggests time spent in solitude may be especially valuable. Relationship expert David Bennett points to a recent study in which alone time was found to promote relaxation and reduce stress. My husband gives me time to work out because he knows the more I sweat, the more pleasant I am to be around. Though he doesn’t necessarily care to hear about the way my leggings chafed or how my GPS lost its signal during my run, he does care that I’m still the athlete I was when we met. And I rarely deny his occasional request to take himself and his fantasy novel out for a beer and a burger; He always returns in a better mood than when he left. Because sometimes time alone is exactly what we need to come together. This article was originally published on Mother.ly. Pam Moore helps women push through fear to become their best selves. To get her free guide to crushing Impostor Syndrome visit pam-moore.com. )HEUXDU\ :1< )DPLO\

ies. All of our products are dairy-free, peanut-free, tree nut-free, egg-free, soyIUHH JOXWHQ IUHH VHVDPH IUHH ¿VK IUHH VKHOO¿VK IUHH PXVWDUG IUHH VXOSKLWH free and lupin-free.” Local stores also carry a variety of allergy friendly indulgences, from Enjoy Life Foods (https://enjoylifefoods.com/) to Gimbals jelly beans and popular licorice Scotty Dogs (https://www.gimbalscandy.com/). For additional Valentine chocolate reviews, visit Go Dairy Free and review their article The Best Dairy-Free ValenWLQH &KRFRODWH 7R *LYH DQG 7R 5HFHLYH XSGDWHG LQ <RX¶OO ¿QG LW DW https:// www.godairyfree.org/news/dairy-freevalentine-chocolate

alentine, be mine with these allergy-friendly treats! There are many delicious, gourmet sweet treats for those of us with allergies, gluten intolerance, or preferring vegan foods.

Does your loved one live out of WRZQ" 7KHUH DUH VRPH YHJDQ EDNHULHV that also deliver! For my son’s birthday, we sent him cupcakes from Pattycake Bakery. (http://www.pattycakeveganbakery.com)

For fresh baked goodies, have you visited 96 Lives Bakery and Café in Lancaster (https://happycakesveganbakery.com/ " 2K \XP :KHWKHU \RX DUH vegan or not, they know how to make food to drool for. From their website:

Chocolate, chocolate and more chocolate! No Whey Foods has Valentine specials that will wow the chocolate lover in your life. “ 0LON )UHH 3HDQXW )UHH 7UHH 1XW )UHH *OXWHQ )UHH (JJ )UHH 6R\ )UHH 1R $UWL¿FLDO &RORUV DQG )ODYRUV )UHH RI WKH FRPPRQ eight allergens, vegan and Kosher.” They sell out quickly, so order well in advance https://www.nowheychocolate. com/vegan_valentines_chocolate_allergy_free_s/114.htm

“ /LYHV 9HJDQ %DNHU\ ZDV HVWDEOLVKHG LQ ZLWK WKLV WKRXJKW LQ PLQG you don’t have to harm animals to enjoy the good things in life. So our business motto became “Where no one gets hurt,” so whether you are dairy free, lactose intolerant, vegan, vegetarian or just enjoy delicious cupcakes and cakes, we have a delicious treat for you!” https://happycakesveganbakery.com/ If fresh donuts are more your passion, look no further than Fry Baby Donuts on Elmwood Avenue. They have limited hours and sell out quickly, so arrive early for the best selection. They FORVHG EULHÀ\ ODVW \HDU EXW DUH KDSSLO\ reopened. Learn more at https://www. facebook.com/FRYBABYDONUTS/ :1< )DPLO\ )HEUXDU\

Amanda’s Own Confections (https://amandasown.com/products/holidays/valentines-day/) is another wonderful option. From their website: “We developed our all natural chocolate as a result of our daughter Amanda’s life-threatening food allergy to dairy and egg products. We did not want her to miss out on all the chocolate holiday treats, or the everyday events that include chocolate like baking cook-

Have any favorite allergy friendly IRRGV UHVWDXUDQWV RU EDNHULHV WR VKDUH" Contact us at allergy@roadrunner.com and we’ll feature in a future column. If you have any questions about our column, e-mail Kathy at allergy@roadrunner.com. For further information about food allergies, contact FARE www. foodallergy.org, or call 1-800-929-4040. .DWK\ /XQGTXLVW LV D :HVWHUQ 1HZ <RUN parent whose son, now an adult, was born with severe food allergies. Over the last two decades, she has worked tirelessly, in a variety of capacities, to increase community awareness about food allergies.

THE KIDDIE GOURMET

— by Barbara Blackburn

moke On The Water may be up for sale according to a sign on the restaurant building; however, it is still WXUQLQJ RXW ¿QH IRRG /Rcated next to the water, the focus is on barbecue, particularly smoked food.

($24.00). Not being a rib connoisseur, I still thoroughly enjoyed my 1/4 pound :PVOH 4USFFU Baby Back Ribs partnered 5POBXBOEB /: with The Shrimp K-Bobs (alone $19.00). The sugar TPUX DPN cane skewered tiger shrimp, _ 4100/4 _ with a sweet chili glaze and siracha aioli, mingled with '00% cucumber, carrot and radish The regular menu lists slaw, keeping their integthe choices for youngrity yet providing a balanced 4&37*$& sters ages eight and under taste. For me, the sides are as “Kiddos,” all $7.99. A always an exciting advenfun page serves up some ture. This time it was Ta Tas '".*-: pig-inspired fun and puns: '3*&/%-: Tater Tots (alone $4.00), “How to draw a Pig...take a with Frank’s red hot sauce stab at it...” Also, the kiddos and nacho cheese. To keep it can “help the pig get to the healthy, I ordered Wok Fried smoker,” a connect the dots, Vegetables (alone $4.00), with zucchini, DQG D ÀDPH JDPH WR GLVFHUQ WKH GLIIHUHQW summer squash, bell peppers, and onions ÀDPHV &KRLFHV ZHUH 3XOOHG 3RUN 6DQG— another victorious mingling. wich; Nickel City Mac & Cheese, with

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Gold Fish Crackers; Baby Back Ribs (2); Smoked Turkey Sandwich, called a Sammy; Turkey with Cheddar Cheese and BBQ Sauce; Mini Mudd Slinger, a.k.a, Smoked Bologna Sandwich, and Chicken Nuggets. Besides soda, juice, or tea, French fries and fruit are included. For Starters, the Hand Grenade ($9.00) packs smoked pork stuffed potato, cheddar cheese, jalapenos, sour cream, scallions, and BBQ sauce together for a merry meeting. Seven others include my favorite Creole Deviled Eggs ($8.00). Pulled pork, stone ground mustard, bacon, and green onions gave the deviled eggs a heavenly touch. Sandwiches are served on Costanzo’s Kaiser Rolls with Voodoo Fries, which are devilishly good. Many have smoked ingredients, such as the Mississippi Mud Slinger ($9.00). Two salads give salad lovers a choice: Smoke-House Salad and Torches House Salad (both $9.00). If you ever dined at Torches (no longer in business), you may recall the blending of chopped hearts of romaine, spiced walnuts, aged sherry and walnut vinaigrette, purple grapes, and panko crusted goat cheese. We dined from the supper menu. I chose the Two Meats with Two Sides

Dad delighted in his Blackened Grouper ($19.00), plated with cucumber, carrot radish slaw, spicy siracha and tartar sauce. His sides were BBQ Beans, consisting of brisket burnt ends, garbanzo, cannellini, butter beans, Carolina sauce, and brown sugar, plus Corn Bread, with honey butter glaze ($2.00). Both were well prepared.

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For dessert I chose a spirited coffee and accompanied it with a Chocolate Chunk Cookie ($2.00). Usually there are more dessert choices. Whether or not you live in Tonawanda, you just might “wanna” go there for some culinary satisfying smoke (on the water). (Editor’s Note: Visit the restaurant’s website at https://sotw77.com/details-ofsale to see photos of all the renovations that were made to create Smoke on the Water and learn the story of their decision to sell the restaurant to be able to focus on their children. Since a sale is in progress, it would be prudent to call before going.)

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Paul Kline Ob

716-836-3486 ext. 104 ]` Jennifer Staebell Ob

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Barbara teaches culinary classes for :LOOLDPVYLOOH &RPPXQLW\ (GXFDWLRQ &KHFN RXW WKH FDWDORJ DW http://williamsville.augusoft.net. )HEUXDU\ :1< )DPLO\