April 2021

VOLUME 38, #2 APRIL 2021

FREE!

Having a

y b a B TWEENS & TEENS

The Spring Break Trip That Never Happened

How to Prepare for Summer’s

Digital Detox

SINGLE PARENTING

Do Kids Need To Know The Truth?

INSIDE:

SPECIAL NEEDS

Pull Out and Save!

2 WNY Family April 2021

April 2021 • Volume 38 • Issue 2

EDITOR & PUBLISHER Michele Miller GENERAL MANAGER Paul Kline SALES REPRESENTATIVES Jennifer Staebell Paul Kline GRAPHIC DESIGNERS Karen Wawszczyk Melanie Schroeder CONTRIBUTORS Barbara Blackburn • Donna Phillips Richard De Fino • Deborah Williams Kathy Lundquist • Mike Daugherty

Where It’s At! Having A Baby!

Features: 6 n Creating Calm in the Chaos: Finding Prenatal & Postpartum Peace During COVID

by Malia Jacobson 8 n 10 Things Every New Mom Needs to Know Before the End of Maternity Leave

by Pam Moore 10 n Nap-Know-How

by Sarah Lyons

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Visit Our Web Site www.wnyfamilymagazine.com To Reach Us: Advertising Department advertising@wnyfamilymagazine.com Calendar Submissions calendar@wnyfamilymagazine.com Subscriptions subscriptions@wnyfamilymagazine.com Editorial Submissions michele@wnyfamilymagazine.com MAILING ADDRESS: 3147 Delaware Ave., Suite B Buffalo, NY 14217 Phone: (716) 836-3486 • Fax: (716) 836-3680 PRINTED BY: Commercial Printing Division The Post-Journal, Jamestown WE ARE AN AUDITED PUBLICATION CIRCULATION (copies printed): 20,000 © 2021 Western New York Family, Inc. All rights reserved. Reproduction in any form without permission is strictly prohibited. Inclusion of an advertisement does not constitute an endorsement by the publisher.

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IF YOU MOVE: Missed issues will not be replaced if we do not receive an address change before issue mailing date.

12 n Seven Ways to Extend Kindness When Your Friend is Dealing with Infertility

by Pam Moore 14 n The Test Results

by Cheryl Maguire 18 n Five Reasons to Get Your Kids Outside to Play

by Christa Melnyk Hines

23 n SPECIAL NEEDS A Special Pull-Out Section

• Guidance for Parents Who Learn Their Newborn Has a Developmental Disability • Organizing Special Needs Paperwork • How to Prepare for Your Child’s IEP Meeting • What to Do When the School Wants to Remove IEP Services • Financial Planning for Special Needs • New Discoveries in the World of Autism • How to Safeguard Children with Special Needs from Bullying • Great Apps for Kids with Special Needs

45 n The Family Pet

Regulars: 5 n Web Finds / What’s New In The Kid Biz 20 n Family Travel Columbus, Ohio

by Deborah Williams 22 n Raising Digital Kids Digital Detox: Quarantine Edition

by Mike Daugherty 44 n Pick of the Literature

by Dr. Donna Phillips 46 n Journey Into Fatherhood Lights Out!

by Richard De Fino 47 n Parent Previews Earth Day Movies

by Kirsten Hawkes 50 n Tweens and Teens The Mysterious Wonderful Spring Break Trip That Never Happened

by Kathryn Streeter 52 n Single Parenting Do Kids Need to Know the Truth?

by Diane Dierks, LMFT 62 n The Kid Friendly Kitchen Slow Cooker Ham

by Kathy Lundquist 63 n The Kiddie Gourmet Natalie’s Mediterranean Eatery

by Barbara Blackburn

Directories:

16 n 48 n 54 n 61 n

Choosing Childcare Wellness Choices Summer Camps Your Home

You’ll find FREE courtesy copies of WNY Family at all Buffalo area Wegmans and 300 locations including Public Libraries, Doctors’ Offices, Child Care Centers and many of our advertisers.

(Look for us INSIDE Wegmans on the racks where newspapers are sold, even though we are still FREE, or in some stores, on the FREE rack in the store foyer.)

Find this entire issue online at www.wnyfamilymagazine.com April 2021 WNY Family 3

Health coverage for teens who just want to have fun Now your teens can have fun and get the health care they need. Medicaid and CHIP offer free or low-cost health insurance for children and teens up to age 19. That means check-ups, immunizations, doctor and dentist visits, hospital care, mental health services, prescriptions and more are covered. Families of four earning up to nearly $50,000 may qualify (or even higher in some states).

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4 WNY Family April 2021

web.finds It’s time to think SPRING! Grass will green up, trees will bud to life, and flowers will soon blossom outdoors. But if you’d like to help your kids give a garden a head start indoors, check out these kits, which look like great fun!

ADVANCED PLAY FAIRY GARDEN KIT

Plant and grow your own magic garden using the soil and seeds included with this fairy garden magical garden kit. The house itself has moving doors, street lights, a pink umbrella table and two chairs. Tiny gardening tools are included, too. (Advanced Play; for ages 3 and up; Amazon, $24.87)

PLANT A PIZZA GARDEN

Nurture your garden from seed germination through harvest. Start your garden with this grow kit, and transfer it to a larger planter to watch your basil, tomatoes, oregano, and peppers grow! Once you have harvested your pizza garden, turn them into a tasty homemade pizza — recipe included! (Creativity for Kids; for ages 6 and up; Amazon, $22)

ENCHANTED FAIRY GARDEN CRAFT KIT

This open-ended fairy craft kit lets your child embrace their creative side by making a unique creation that’s all their own. Kit includes an 11” diameter flower shaped paintable potting dish, enchanted flower house, gemstones, flowers, butterflies, paint, potting mix and seeds that grow like magic. Magic Bean and Wheat grass seeds can begin to sprout in as little as 2-4 days. (Creativity for Kids; for ages 7 and up; Amazon, $19.97)

GROW N’ GLOW DINOSAUR HABITAT

Quick growing seeds and easy set-up will make any dinosaur loving kid thrilled to watch their garden grow, and glow! This garden kit comes with everything you need for two full plant life cycles. Kit includes toy dinosaurs, dinosaur fossils, light up volcano, lava paint, glowing stones, planting container, potting mix, quick grow chia, wheatgrass and bean seeds, soil scoop and plant mister. (Creativity for Kids; for ages 7 and up; Amazon, $19.97)

What’s New...

IN THE KIDBIZ KIDS CAN HAVE A SAFE SUMMER AT CAMP A new American Camp Association (https://www.acacamps. org) study of 486 camps that served 90,000 campers reports that only 30 campers had confirmed COVID-19 cases in 2020. This is a direct result of the summer camp industry’s focus on developing leading-edge child safety standards from the earliest days of the pandemic. Camp directors were able to offer crucial childcare and essential experiences for many children and families when they needed it most.

“The science demonstrates that camps that have implemented strict, layered mitigation strategies — including masking, cohorting, physical distancing, cleaning and maintaining healthy facilities, proper handwashing, and respiratory etiquette — have been able to safely operate in person,” said Tom Rosenberg, president and CEO of ACA. The new ACA survey results provide hope for campers — with evidence that COVID-19 camp cases can be contained and minimized when facilities are prepared with effective mitigation strategies. When camps follow the rigorous scientific approach outlined in the Field Guide for Camps on Implementation of CDC Guidance (https://bit.ly/30I5LIr) camps can operate safely and successfully.

“Summer camps provide the optimal context for kids to practice social-emotional learning (SEL). After such an isolating and traumatic year of disruption and loss, the SEL outcomes that result from camp experiences will help young people prepare to thrive in school this fall,” said Rosenberg.

“Last summer’s mitigation practices highlight the necessary foundation for a successful 2021 camp season. Our new research demonstrates that children can be with their friends and counselors and take a break from technology this summer. In fact, camp provides critical support for children as they recover from the challenging effects of the pandemic in a safe environment away from home.” Rosenberg said.

April 2021 WNY Family 5

advocates, but strict rules about who can join patients in clinics and hospitals has limited those opportunities.

Patients can ask for medical translation services and extra time during appointments, or ask a family member or friend who can translate or serve as an advocate to join telehealth or virtual prenatal visits.

Creating Calm in the Chaos:

Finding prenatal & postpartum peace during COVID

Acceptance and Support

— by Malia Jacobson

G

iving birth during COVID-19 can feel scary. It’s no surprise that anxiety and depression are affecting more new and expectant parents: A June 2020 study published in Frontiers in Global Women’s Health found that rates of moderate to severe anxiety and depression have more than doubled in pregnant women and new mothers during the COVID 19 pandemic.

Questions, uncertainty, fear, and doubt are normal reactions when anyone enters any new life stage, and they’ve long been hallmarks of pregnancy and new parenthood. Now, new parents have a whole new set of concerns around COVID-19, with health and safety guidelines that continue to evolve.

Thankfully, even during a COVID-era pregnancy, it’s possible to find calm, comfort, and community, and even a few bright spots. Here’s how.

Start By Speaking Up Uncertainty can fuel fear and anxiety, so don’t let unanswered questions about your birth linger. Clear up any questions you have with your provider and support team long before your birth, says postpartum depression specialist and psychiatrist Tuesday Burns, MD, medical director of THIRA Health, a mental health treatment cen6 WNY Family April 2021

ter for women and girls in Bellevue, Washington.

Getting answers to questions like “What will happen immediately after my baby is born?,” “How will the hospital staff make sure my baby is safe?,” and “Who can join me in the delivery room during labor?” can be reassuring and help reduce anxiety, says Burns. “There’s always time to ask questions. Every question a new parent has is reasonable, and you deserve really thoughtful answers. Nothing should come as a surprise at the time of delivery.”

Asking questions isn’t always straightforward, though. Cultural, language, and racial differences can impact communication between pregnant patients and their providers, making inquiries about safety or birth planning seem intimidating or impossible.

“We need to acknowledge the stress and anxiety around women of color wondering if people are going to listen to them, and provide appropriate resources and culturally sensitive care,” says family nurse practitioner Rue Khosa MSN, FNP-BC, IBCLC, chief lactation officer and founder of The Perfect Push, PLLC, a lactation and birth support company based in Redmond, Washington.

Pre-COVID, friends or family members could accompany expectant mothers to appointments to serve as

It sounds counterintuitive, but accepting — even embracing — the realities of a COVID-era pregnancy can help new parents find peace, says Khosa. “I remember at first, pregnant moms had a lot of resistance to Zoom baby showers and things like that, and some preferred to just wait out the pandemic and have a celebration later on, once things were normal again.

But you can’t hit pause on this time in your life. It’s a moving target.”

That doesn’t mean the grief and anger new parents feel isn’t real or valid; they have every right to mourn the loss of the pregnancy they envisioned, notes Burns. “There’s definitely a mourning happening for all the stuff they’re missing out on. Even things like that belly rub from a stranger on the street, that was an acknowledgement of the life inside you and a moment of human connection that is missing now.”

Find support DONA International: Find a Doula https://www.dona.org/ what-is-a-doula/ find-a-doula Postpartum Support International https://www.postpartum.net Program for Early Parent Support (PEPS) https://www.peps.org

Sharing feelings of grief and loss with a counselor can help new parents mourn the losses they’re experiencing, which can help them move toward acceptance, says Khosa.

“I’m a big fan of therapy, and there’s a lot of grief about the things new moms are not getting to experience.” Whether grief stems from not getting a traditional baby shower or not being able to share your pregnancy and birth with your grandmother in another state, it’s valid and worth acknowledging, she notes.

Silver Linings Pregnancy, birth, and new parenthood during COVID are undeniably hard. But there are a few distinct upsides that seem to be emerging, including increased interest in breastfeeding, says Khosa. “I see more moms determined to breastfeed, with everything going on.”

Even under the best of circumstances, birth and breastfeeding rarely play out as planned. But arming yourself with information and support before your birth is calming, empowering, and helps make the experience less scary.

New parents are taking note: More of them are planning ahead, connecting with birth and lactation professionals before their delivery date, says Khosa.

“One of the silver linings of this very dark cloud is that I’m seeing a lot more prenatal consults,” she notes. “With lactation support, there are a lot of things we can troubleshoot before the baby gets here, and that has been such a blessing.”

A more relaxed pace, fewer calendar commitments, and less pressure to travel or visit far-flung family or friends with a new baby in tow may also be COVID’s backhanded blessings. “Now is the time to go online and find your communities of support, and talk this through with other parents going through what you’re going through, and picking and choosing what you want to be involved in,” says Khosa. “I recommended leaning into this as much as you can, while allowing yourself to take all the breaks you need.”

Malia Jacobson is a nationally published, award-winning journalist specializing in health and family topics for publications that include Cosmopolitan, Harper’s Bazaar, Good Housekeeping, Women’s Health, and Runner’s World.

April 2021 WNY Family 7

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Coming up in our May issue:

Family Resource

Guide

A Resource Guide for Busy Families

— by Pam Moore

10 Things Every New Mom Needs to Know Before the End of Maternity Leave 1

#

They might inquire, “How’s the baby?”

Before you whip out your smartphone, try and remember your pre-baby life.

While you keep from weeping for the days of happy hour cocktails and dry-clean-only clothing, think back to how it felt to feign interest in the children of your friends and co-workers… Don’t be that person.

2

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Don’t show pictures of the baby to all your coworkers.

Don’t stress about pumping at work.

I mean, why would you be stressed out about attaching a suction device to your nipples while you sit in a room HR has assured you is “private,” except for the absence of a lock on the door, while milk spurts into bottles attached to your engorged breasts, to the tune of Wee-WAH… Wee-WAH… WeeWAH…? Seriously though, it will work out.

3

#

Don’t automatically eliminate caffeine just because you are breastfeeding.

Disclaimer: I’m a blogger, not a doctor, but I would advise giving coffee a try and see what happens before you put the kibosh on this daily ritual.

(And by daily ritual I mean survival tactic). If you have to eliminate it, I’m sorry for your loss. But you never know — it might be just fine.

Also, you might never make the connection when strangers remark that your baby is “so alert” as you sip your latté.

4

#

Do check references before hiring a sitter.

Because when the reference wonders aloud, “Would it kill her to load up the dishwasher without being asked?” do not be surprised to come home to the sitter’s Diet Coke can on your only nice piece of furniture and a sink full of empty bottles.

She’ll report the baby slept “fine” and drank “a few bottles” as she walks out the door. So take your time. When you

find the reference who says, “We LOVE this woman,” it doesn’t matter if you met her at a bar. She will be the one to take your child to the park, make art projects out of Jell-O, and tidy your house. You’ll wish you worked full-time just so your kid can stay with her every day.

5

#

Do review diaper changing with your sitter.

I don’t care if she has “night nurse for triplets” on her resumé. Just smile and say something like, “I know this is ridiculous, but if you would humor me, let’s change a diaper, so you’ll know where the diapers and wipes are. Sorry, I am a neurotic new mom!”

It pains me to say it, but many people don’t know the front from the back of a diaper. I don’t know how many times I have been puzzled to find my child has soaked through her diaper overnight only to find the sitter put it on backward.

6

#

Do give your sitter a 30-minute warning before you come home.

This gives her a chance to do the things she should have done while the baby was napping, like fold that basket of laundry and wipe down the high chair tray. If she’s awesome and did those things already, she now has plenty of time to put away the books and toys your child has strewn about. The moment you walk into a clean house after working all day — that little moment makes it all worthwhile. Oh, and when your baby smiles and bounces upon seeing your face, that’s pretty good, too.

7

#

Do take your lunch break.

Because isn’t lunch the whole point of work? It is fantastic if you just love work, but I don’t. I like work but I love chatting with my co-workers over lunch.

Also, I have a thing for the cafeteria coconut cream pie. If you are away from your cherub for eight to nine hours, what’re another 30 minutes or so if it

means your workday has a fun part that involves gossip and pie?

8

#

Do get everything ready the night before.

It’s hard enough to get out the door when you just need to kiss the baby one last time (ten times). Add a 5:30am nursing session, another at 7:45am, and a diaper change (or two), and you will appreciate any spare second you can find. The night before, lay out your outfit. If you can shower at night without suffering from crazy morning hair, do it. Prep the coffee ready the night before. P.S. - Why doesn’t Babies R Us carry Keurigs?

9

#

Dr. Alaina Rowswell-Kulikowski

Board Certified by ICA Council on Pediatrics

Helping generations of families pursue optimal health...

NATURALLY 1567 Military Road Kenmore, NY 14217 Call: (716) 877-0676 Email: dralaina@juno.com

Do leave for work before your partner, if schedules allow.

And not just because you get sensitive when your child jumps into the sitter’s arms and hardly notices you leaving. If you’re a chatterbox and your partner is a “less is more” talker, leaving a note is more time efficient than hanging around while the sitter reads said note, then telling her everything you already wrote, giving her a tour of the fridge, and chatting about the weather when your husband could have done the handoff in three minutes, and all you would have had to do was trust that everything would be fine and the sitter would text you with any questions.

10

#

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Experts in Fine Children’s Clothing

Do remember that this too shall pass.

Which I know, is practically impossible at 2am after you’ve been up with a crying baby and then you get back into bed, turn to your partner and say, “You’re sleeping!

I can tell by your breathing. You’re not the only one who has to work tomorrow!” and then loudly fluff your pillow. And when you wake up the next day with sand for eyeballs, the vibe is less “This too shall pass” and more “I feel like a prisoner of war.” But it will pass, I promise. And if my promise is not enough, have a glass of wine. After work, that is.

Pam Moore helps women push through fear to become their best selves. To get her free guide to crushing Impostor Syndrome visit pam-moore.com. This article was originally published on Scary Mommy.

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H

ave you ever seen the kids sleeping in strollers at the mall or even an amusement park, — by Sarah Lyons clearly not bothered by the noise or what is going on around them? Before I became a mother, I assumed getting a child to nap was as simple as giving the child a space to rest. A dozen years and six kids later, I have learned the hard way that it later they start their naptime routine, folis rarely that simple. Nap time can be lowed by lunch or midday feeding and a battle between parent and child that playtime. Similarly, the afternoon nap leaves you feeling exhausted rather than would follow two to three hours after rested. This leaves parents searching the child wakes up from morning nap, for suggestions to make things go more followed by dinner or evening feeding, smoothly, ultimately resulting in more playtime, bath time and bedtime. The rest for everyone. bedtime routine should be similar to the pre-naptime routine to create consistency. Once the naptime schedule and It is common for newborns to have routine are established, continue to be their days and nights mixed up. The goal consistent and naptime will become a for this age is to help babies sleep more positive experience for both of you. at night and take many short naps in between feedings during the day. Newborns need up to 16 hours of sleep per Usually between 12 and 18 months, day and it’s okay if they rest in their your child will begin to give up their cribs, in the car, or in your arms. You morning nap. While this may worry some cannot spoil a newborn baby with too parents, it can be freeing. Moving to one many snuggles. Play and interact with long nap in the afternoon can give paryour baby during daytime hours and creents more freedom to explore activities in ate quiet restful times at night to encourthe morning with their child. Some parage correct sleep patterns. ents may find that moving the afternoon nap to an earlier time as they make this transition may be easier for the child. If At 3 months old, babies can sleep you prefer a later afternoon nap, begin 5-6 hour stretches at night. This is a great moving the time by 15 minutes until you time to start introducing a nap schedule. reach the time that works for you.

Consistency is key and parents often have success by creating a routine. Turn down the lights, snuggle in the chair, read a book or sing a song, swaddle baby and lay them down while still awake but Most kids will give up naps besleepy. Babies learn what to expect by tween the age of 3 and 5 years old. As routine and when they start to recognize parents transition out of naps, providing the bedtime cues they will begin to relax a quiet time to rest is still very important and prepare for naptime. as kids of all ages (and their caregivers)

Nap-Know-How

Tips For Newborns

Tips For Toddlers

Tips For Infants

Tips For Preschoolers

During this stage babies typically take two naps per day. Some parents will set their nap schedule by taking note of when baby wakes up. Two to three hours

10 WNY Family April 2021

need downtime to recharge. Provide a quiet space either in their bedroom or a comfy chair for them to play quietly, read, listen to music, or watch a favorite

show. Get the whole family to participate, including mom and dad. This may be a nap for some, reading a book for others, or drawing or journaling for some.

Naptime Disruptions & Solutions Vacation - A strange space, a different bed, and a lack of routine can be a big disruption. Try to maintain the nap times and routine as closely as possible.

Bring familiar blankets, stuffed animals, and books to create as close as a routine as possible. When you return, go back to the typical routine.

Sickness - When baby doesn’t feel well, the routine can quickly go out the window. Try to create as much balance as possible with your normal routine and making your child comfortable. When your child is back to normal, return to your normal nap routine and drop any new habits that have developed.

Busy day - If you have a lot of errands and appointments and you miss your child’s naptime, do your best to give them an opportunity to rest while you are out and also when you get home.

Adjust bedtime if needed to allow for additional rest and return to the routine the next day.

Car nap - When your child falls asleep in the car, even if it’s only for 15 minutes, chances are they will wake up grouchy and will not take a nap again.

Allow a quiet time for your child to rest, even if they aren’t sleeping. For a little one this may be putting them in their bed for a short time with quiet toys. For an older child, provide a quiet activity for them to work on.

Sarah Lyons is a mom of six children, including three year old triplets. She has had lots of practice getting kids to take naps (or not). Her work has been published in Pregnancy and Newborn Magazine KC Parent, Austin Family, Creative Child and over 150 other parenting publications.

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3/23/21 11:16 AM

have a bottle of wine and relax. Nor do they say any variation of this. That includes telling the story of that couple who adopted, only to find themselves pregnant immediately.

— by Pam Moore

“Tips” from people who’ve never been through infertility personally are not tips at all. At best, they are annoying.

At worst, they are cruel and insensitive, no matter the intention. No one who has given hours of their life to scheduling doctors appointments and carefully timed shots wants to hear about the position you heard was effective, or your sister’s friend’s cousin’s brother’s wife, who got pregnant when she ate pineapple.

Seven Ways to Extend Kindness When Your Friend is Dealing with Infertility

T

he other moms and I chatted while watching our kids’ gymnastics practice through the glass. The small talk grew deep, and then awkward when one shared with some sadness that she wanted another child, but so far, it hadn’t worked out. “At least you don’t have to worry about birth control!” another mom offered. I cringed.

I wasn’t sure what the right response was but I was pretty certain the birth control comment wasn’t it.

Given the fact that one in eight couples experience infertility, if you haven’t been on the receiving end of insensitive comments, you’ve struggled to find the right words to say to a friend who has been trying to conceive for months or even years.

There are, in fact, at least seven important ways you can support a friend with infertility. The following tips came from conversations with experts — a dozen women who experienced infertility and a clinical social worker.

Acknowledge The Loss Abby MacDonald, LICSW, an infertility specialist in private practice in Cambridge, MA, says a vital part of helping a friend with infertility, is understanding that they’re grieving a loss. While not as concrete as a miscarriage or a death, the intangible losses are many; including privacy, autonomy, and the loss of the 12 WNY Family April 2021

narrative where pregnancy just naturally happens. She may also be struggling to reconcile her relationship with her own body, which she perceives as having failed her. Even if you’re not sure what to say, your friend will appreciate your sensitivity to the fact that she’s grieving.

Remember It’s Not About You Particularly if infertility is something you haven’t personally experienced, it is not perceived as helpful when you project your own feelings on the situation. For example, one friend cringed when friends would ponder the possibility of multiples as a result of fertility treatments, sharing, “As a new parent, I have no idea how what having multiples would be like and I might feel excited or terrified. Either way, I don’t give a s**t how you feel about it. Nor do I care that you think I’m misguided for being excited or terrified. I’m allowed to feel how I feel about it.”

Sharing the fact that you would never be willing to go through IVF is also not helpful. As my friend said, “It’s personal. People feeling so free to comment on what they would do in my situation was unsettling.”

Unless You’ve Been There, Avoid Giving Advice If you take nothing else from this article, take this: Friends don’t tell friends who are dealing with infertility to just

One woman recalled feeling insulted by a friend’s suggestion that she supplement IVF with herbs. “The implication is ‘You could do more.’ And my response is, ‘No, I couldn’t. I’m at my limit. I took three injections a day for the past week and a half, my stomach is purple, I woke up early and went to the clinic four of the past six days, and I am done.”

On the other hand, advice from someone who has been through it is comforting. One woman said she was grateful to hear her best friend, who had also struggled to conceive, break things down in a very matter-of-fact way. She recalled her best friend’s warning. “There are only 2448 hours a month that you are most likely to get pregnant. Time your ovulation and time sex. Don’t leave it to chance.”

Leave The Wise Sayings To Hallmark Perhaps even less helpful than advice from the uninitiated are their theories on why this is happening. As MacDonald explains, “Comments like ‘God has a plan,’ while often offered with good intentions, and seemingly supportive of allowing faith to take a front seat during this difficult time, can reinforce questions someone has about why this bad thing is happening to an otherwise good person.”

Another cliché many women told me they did not appreciate: If it’s meant to be, it will be. Let Hallmark handle the “encouraging” remarks. All you need to do is be there if your friend wants to talk.

Just Listen This can be easier said than done.

In a culture obsessed with doing, staying quiet can feel like inaction. The opposite

is true, however. Giving someone space to talk (or not talk) is among the most powerful gifts you have to offer. MacDonald says it is key to simply listen and offer reflections based on what your friend says. For example, if she says she feels hopeless, an appropriate response might be, “Given all you’ve been through, it’s hard to expect anything will go to plan.” MacDonald emphasizes the importance of stopping at that point to give your friend a chance to talk about her feelings, rather than filling any silence with a stock line about hope or positive thinking.

Buffalo’s Original One Stop Shop for Toys & Gifts

Be Curious — But Not Nosey If you have to ask when or if someone is planning to have a baby, that’s a pretty clear sign that it’s none of your business.

Nothing is more awkward or painful than having an acquaintance put their hand on your belly and ask why you’re not pregnant yet, when you’re privately tortured over that very same question.

But if your friend has been open with you about her struggles, make sure she knows you want to support her, even if you’re not sure how. Said one woman, “Even if awkward things were said, I appreciated getting to have the conversation rather than nothing being said at all.” Says MacDonald, one way to show that you’re curious and that you care is by taking the time to educate yourself.

She and several other women I spoke with recommended connecting with Resolve, a non-profit dedicated to providing support, advocacy, education, and community for people facing challenges in their journey to create a family.

Offer Genuine Support Avoid offering vague support, (e.g., “Let me know if you need anything.”) If you’re compelled to offer more than a listening ear (which is plenty), give something specific (exceptions: advice, platitudes). Women who battled infertility recalled being grateful when friends:

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 called or texted just to say they were thinking of them  sent a copy of the book “Things Fall Apart” by Perna Chodron  educated themselves on infertility  left flowers on the porch when they knew her period came Another gift you can give is a pass when it comes to attending baby showers or kids’ birthday parties. MacDonald encourages people to be sensitive to the fact that holidays other than Mother’s Day and Father’s Day can be triggering. One woman expressed gratitude for a friend who only called when she was away from her kids, so she wouldn’t hear the sound of babies in the background.

Supporting a friend through infertility is showing up, listening, and being sensitive. It’s letting your friend feel her feelings.

It’s sharing a long pause instead of anecdotes or adages. It’s asking, “How are you doing?” and giving space for your friend to answer or a shoulder to cry on. It’s saying, “I don’t know what to say, but I want you to know I care.” It’s simply being a friend.

Pam Moore is an author, body positive health coach, occupational therapist, and certified personal trainer who helps women push through fear to become their best selves. To get her free guide to crushing Impostor Syndrome visit pam-moore.com. This article was originally published on Motherly.

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— by Cheryl Maguire

The Test Results “May I help you?”

“Yes. I’m here for a blood test.”

S

he aimlessly rifled through a stack of papers until she found one and placed it in front of me. I filled out at least fifty contact forms in the past year, but this one was different.

Glancing around the waiting room, I avoided direct eye contact with the two other individuals. Most people prefer to remain anonymous. The person seated to my left was dressed in a dark grey business suit, yellow tie, and he was reading the Wall Street Journal. The woman seated across from me wore a royal blue dress, a pearl necklace, and she was typing in a hostile manner on her laptop. My attire consisted of a T-shirt, shorts, flip flops and my activity of choice was observing people in a waiting room. I felt underdressed and unproductive. Is it possible to be unproductive and underdressed in a waiting room?

My attention shifted back to the woman across from me, but I was unable to concentrate. Today I would find out if the procedure worked. Before attempting the most recent course of action, my doctor said to me, “This is the end of the line. This is the most 14 WNY Family April 2021

that science can offer you at this time.”

As you can imagine, these words of encouragement were all I could think about as I waited to find out if science was on my side.

When I first received my diagnosis I was shocked. I was young, strong, and healthy. How could something be physically wrong with me? For the first time in my life I felt broken. At first my doctor implied my issue was minor and would require little intervention. A year later, after lots of medications, blood tests, and two procedures, I was still broken. And now the doctor’s outlook went from minor to out of options.

“Cheryl Maguire,” called my name.

the

nurse

“Here,” I responded as I followed her to the room with the chair containing an arm rest.

No instructions were necessary.

Positioning my arm face up, my fist squeezed tight, I was ready for the needle. I glanced down at my arm. The red marks were a reminder of all the times I was there before. Both arms covered with the spots. It was summer time, which made it difficult to cover up. No one at work knew about my diagnosis. I often would hide my arms, which was the only physical indication that something was wrong with me.

The nurse smiled as she knotted the white band around my forearm.

She tapped my arm and then pressed the needle into my skin, instructing me to, “relax my hand.”

The blood trickled into the vial.

My eyes fixated on the crimson color circulating in a motion similar to an ocean wave.

“Do you like Biology?”

A befuddled look must have encompassed my face.

“You are staring at your blood as it enters the vial. Most patients look away so I was wondering if you have an interest in Biology?”

“It’s been a long year. I really need this to work,” I said.

She pulled the needle out, gingerly applying the bandage on my newest abrasion.

“Good Luck,” she said as she walked away, holding my future in her right hand.

A few hours later my phone rang.

“This is a nurse calling with your test results,” she said. She continued to speak, but I couldn’t process what she was saying. Then I heard the word, “positive.”

I tried to figure out what it meant.

The nurse then said a word which cleared up any doubt. A non-medical word. A word anyone could understand.

“Twins.”

“What?”

“I know this is a lot of information. Because there are two embryos and you have high levels of HCG, I would say with about 95% certainty that you are expecting twins.”

Twins. Placing my hand on my stomach, I smiled. In fact, it was the first real smile in over a year. Uncertain for so long of what my future would be, I now knew.

I am a mother.

Cheryl Maguire holds a Master of Counseling Psychology degree. She is married and is the mother of twins and a daughter. Her writing has been published in The New York Times, Parents Magazine, AARP, Healthline, Your Teen Magazine and many other publications.

Top Baby Names DID YOU KNOW…

that the Social Security Administration (SSA) has tracked the most popular baby names from 1880 on?

Their latest stats are for 2019 when the top ten names were:

Boy Names 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Liam Noah Oliver William Elijah

6. James 7. Benjamin 8. Lucas 9. Mason 10. Ethan

Girl Names 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Olivia Emma Ava Sophia Isabella

6. Charlotte 7. Amelia 8. Mia 9. Harper 10. Evelyn

The SSA encourages new parents to apply for baby’s Social Security number right at the hospital when you provide information for your baby’s birth certificate.

You’ll need a number to claim your child as a dependent on your income tax return, open a bank account, get medical coverage, or apply for government services for your child.

Visit https://www.ssa.gov/oact/babynames/ to learn more.

April 2021 WNY Family 15

Your Guide to

Making A Childcare Choice During The Era of COVID-19

Choosing Childcare C A Special Section Dedicated To Helping Parents Find Quality Care To Fit Their Family’s Unique Needs

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hoosing a childcare provider for your child has always been a task that should involve plenty of research to make sure it meets your child’s needs. The questions asked usually relate to the quality of several essential factors: teacher-child interactions, ratio and group sizes, age-appropriate learning activities, a warm and properly trained staff, a curriculum that meets the learning needs of the child and includes frequent communication with parents, and an environment that is not only rich in varied learning materials, activities, and routines, but that is healthy, clean, and safe.

During this era of COVID-19, that last factor — healthy, clean and safe — is most likely uppermost in the mind of parents. The overlap between COVID-19 symptoms with other common illnesses means that some people with symptoms of COVID-19 could be ill with something else. This is even more likely in young children, who typically have multiple viral illnesses each year. For example, it is common for young children to have up to eight respiratory illnesses or “colds” every year. See the chart which notes the differences in symptoms.

To gather more information before making your childcare choice, visit the following sites: https://forward.ny.gov/statewideguidelines https://www.childcare.gov/index.php/ consumer-education/selecting-a-childcare-program-visiting-and-asking-questions https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/ 2019-ncov/community/schoolschildcare/guidance-for-childcare.html

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With the arrival of milder weather and the desire to shake off the confining limitations of COVID, we ALL want to spend more time outdoors. But, you may not realize just how beneficial experts say spending time outdoors can be!

school is situated on 10 acres and invites people of all ages to engage with nature through play, exploration and awareness.

Our bodies are inherently designed to interact with our natural environment. Movement and outdoor play helps us regulate our emotions.

Physical activity strengthens the vestibular system, which is where the body manages balance and spatial orientation. The vestibular system feeds into the limbic system, which is the body’s center for emotions.

“If a child tends to be hyperactive, or if they are moving a lot or really fidgety, that means they need to move more. That movement will help their body to naturally regulate their emotions,” Hanscom explains.

Fosters Social Skills

— by Christa Melnyk Hines

Five Reasons to Get Your Kids Outside to Play

T

oday’s kids typically spend several hours a day immersed in low-sensory, pixelated landscapes rather than outdoors playing in the mud, climbing trees, examining bugs, rolling down hills or making up games.

As a consequence, kids are less focused, get frustrated more easily, and struggle with more advanced social skills like negotiation, problemsolving and conflict resolution.

“Technology is addicting and it’s keeping kids from engaging the senses, developing the muscles and all of the fundamental things that help children develop properly,” says pediatric occupational therapist Angela Hanscom, author of Balanced and Barefoot: How Unrestricted Outdoor Play Makes for Strong, Confident and Capable Children. “We’re at the point where we are seeing kids have pretty significant sensory issues because it’s 18 WNY Family April 2021

Nathan enjoys both the social and playful aspects of the forest school.

“To find other like-minded kids who are wired like us was a breath of fresh air,” Muzrall says. “He loves jumping in the pond and climbing the trees.

And, sit spots are his favorite.”

almost like a sensory deprivation of our environment.”

Research finds that time outdoors improves our overall fitness, helps us sleep better, enhances creativity and cognitive skills, boosts our ability to fight disease, and even helps children with ADHD and anxiety better regulate their moods.

Regulates Emotions “Exercise and nature are the prescriptions that have helped my kid,” says Tammy Muzrall, whose son Nathan, 11, struggles with anxiety and social issues. “Nature is calming. It’s healing. It naturally rebalances you.

All you have to do is walk in it.”

About four years ago, she began taking Nathan to a forest school near her home. Facilitated by Kelly Daniels, a Shinrin-Yoku Forest Therapy Guide trained through the Association of Nature and Forest Therapy, the

According to the Environmental Protection Agency, the average American spends 93 percent of their time indoors and in their cars. Urbanization, disappearing green spaces and immersion in technology is accelerating the disconnect.

During “sit spots,” each child finds a patch of grass, a tree or any spot that appeals to them where they can sit alone and notice their surroundings. They don’t have to sit perfectly still. They can dig around in the dirt, watch for wild animals or listen to the birds.

lest thing around o o c e !

T

Daniels says children often arrive at her forest school hyper, fidgety, nervous and sometimes cantankerous. After circling up, talking and playing a game, the kids, who often range from six to 11 years old, do the sit spot exercise.

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“They are experiencing nature in a slow enough way where they go: ‘Oh. I remember. This is what it feels like to be peaceful.’ They almost don’t even know what that feels like anymore,” Daniels says.

After 15 to 20 minutes, the kids circle up again and share their experience if they’d like. One child might report seeing a wild turkey with its babies while another might talk about a snail crawling up her arm.

Daniels says the children return to the circle “almost reverent. They become respectful of other kids’ speaking.

They start to listen. By the end of the camp, they’re mellow, hanging out, respectful and kind.”

Even 30 minutes a day spent sitting in your yard, witnessing nature in action is therapeutic for adults and kids alike.

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Kids often complain that spending time outside is boring or uncomfortable. Hanscom suggests encouraging your kids to get inspired by your environment. Try throwing in a few ageappropriate supplies and tools to rev up their imaginations.

“Place out different adult items like trays or kitchenware by mud puddles,” she says. “Bring out baskets with pulleys, string and scissors, or planks and trucks by a slow moving river. Giving them materials quickens the process of being creative and having ideas of what to do outside.”

Invite friends for a day of outdoor play rather than just for a few hours, which will give kids time to inspire each other and come up with ideas for their discoveries. For example, how many ways can they use a stick? One child might use it to scratch letters in the dirt while another begins building a fort.

Cultivates Environmental Stewards Conservationists worry that disengaged kids also become less interested in caring for the environment.

Jodi Crutchfield, a mom of two children, Addi, 9, and Sammy, 6, believes in fostering an appreciation and empathy for the world outside with her children.

“They have learned how cool animals, bugs and spiders are. We can play with them a little bit, but we don’t hurt them continued on page 52

April 2021 WNY Family 19

Families Will Discover Plenty of Fun in

C

olumbus, Ohio’s state capital and largest city, has a lot going for it. It is a most family-friendly city with much to see and do and is an easy five-hour drive from Buffalo. Like Western New York, it is full of friendly people, museums, zoos and parks, restaurants and festivals, nature trails and gardens — all available at a reasonable price and in a relaxed, lowkey manner.

It boasts a revitalized riverfront and a booming downtown and is one of the country’s fastest growing cities. In 2019 the New York Times named Columbus one of the world’s top 52 places to visit.

The city is home to Ohio State University, one of the nation’s largest, with

, s u b m u Col Ohio

FAMILY TRAVEL — by Deborah Williams more than 60,000 students. Buffalo football fans would feel right at home with the passionate Ohio State football fans who pack the stadium in the fall.

If there are teens in the family (must be 14 or older) take a SegAway Tour of Columbus. A Segway is a two-wheeled, self-balancing personal transporter. Under the direction of owner and guide David Weller the two-hour city tour is fun, educational and the perfect travel experience.

There is a training session before setting out to conquer the city’s sidewalks. Just remember Weller’s frequent admonition to look “straight ahead” to stay upright.

One of the first attractions on our downtown tour was the 8-foot-tall muscle-bound statue of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Why is there a statue of the former California governor here in the Midwest? We learn that it all started in 1970 when he won the Mr. World contest in Columbus. He befriended the event organizer soon after. Since then, the city hosts the Arnold Sports Festival, also known as the Arnold Classic, an an-

20 WNY Family April 2021

nual bodybuilding and fitness expo.

When we stopped in front of the Ohio Statehouse we learned of another Buffalo-Columbus connection marked by the elaborate statue of William McKinley, who was governor of Ohio before he became U.S. President.

He was assassinated while attending the Pan-American Exposition in Buffalo and the statue was erected five years later.

The inscription on the statue reads in part: “Let us ever remember that our interest is in concord, not conflict, and that our real eminence rests in the victories of peace, not those of war.”

This quote is from President McKinley’s speech that he gave just before he was shot in Buffalo. Of course, Buffalo’s McKinley Monument in front of City Hall honors the president and his tragic visit to Buffalo.

President Lincoln visited the Ohio Statehouse while running for president and again when he learned that the electoral college had confirmed his election.

After his assassination, his casket was displayed in the Rotunda while on its way to Springfield, Illinois.

Animal fans of all ages agree that the Columbus Zoo and Aquarium is their favorite city attraction. Jack Hanna,

who recently retired after more than 42 years of leadership, is credited with transforming the zoo into one of one of the country’s most innovative and influential zoos.

His television shows and regular appearances on other shows including Good Morning America and Late Night with David Letterman brought widespread attention to the wonders of wildlife, the zoo, and its conservation efforts. Check out Secrets of the Zoo, filmed at the Columbus Zoo and appearing on the Nat Geo WILD channel.

Last year the zoo opened its newest region, Adventure Cove, which also includes Jack Hanna’s Animal Encounters Village. The goal of the village is to continue Hanna’s work in inspiring guests so that they gain a deeper appreciation for the natural world and are empowered to help make a difference for wildlife.

The zoo is home to more than 9,000 animals representing 650 species from around the globe. We watched a polar bear swim above our heads, met gorillas, watched a male lion open his mouth wider than I thought possible, and enjoyed watching super cute penguins. The railroad is a fun ride for all ages.

Be sure to allow enough time for your visit. Cheryl Lafferty, of Colden, and her family of animal lovers spent the entire day at the zoo on their visit to Columbus.

“We came to Columbus for the zoo, and we were so glad we did,” she said. “It was a great day for everyone.”

The Zoo also offers a number of special animal encounters (might be a perfect birthday present) including oneon-one experiences with red pandas, stingrays, sea lions, cheetahs, reindeer, giraffes and even the opportunity to help bathe an elephant.

The Zoo is adjacent to its own water park, Zoombezi Bay, which will open for the season in May. If you need another animal fix, the Columbus Zoo also operates The Wilds, a conservation center on nearly 10,000 acres of reclaimed land in rural southeastern Ohio. It is less than two hours from Columbus. Opened in 1994, the facility is one of the largest wildlife conservation centers in North America for endangered species including Masai giraffe, cheetah, and greater Asian one-horned and southern white rhinoceros.

More than 500 animals representing 28 species from around the world make up the animal population here. Guests may board a guided safari vehicle or take a Zipline Safari to view rare animals in open-range habitats.

There are also guided tours that last 2.5 to 3 hours that feature the opportunity for a one-of-a kind adventure such as watching a medical procedure or feeding a giraffe. The Wilds has more than 100 lakes and ponds and visitors may fish from the shore or use a boat supplied by The Wilds. It is all catchand-release so don’t plan on your catch for dinner.

The Franklin Park Conservatory and Botanical Gardens is the perfect place to enjoy flowers and spring after our long winter. It features the historic 1895 John F. Wolfe Palm House that is beautifully lit each night from dusk to dawn.

Blooms and Butterflies offers the chance to release your own continued on page 43 April 2021 WNY Family 21

YOU’RE THE WORST

RAISING DIGITAL KIDS — by Mike Daugherty

DIGITAL DETOX: Quarantine Edition

D

epending on where your family stands with the pandemic, screen time limits have been relaxed or may have been completely removed during the craziness that was 2020. The initial quarantine that kept us indoors for months encouraged additional household screen time so that everyone could interact with their friends, neighbors, and family members. We embraced it Now, twelve months later, it feels like we are seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. Implementing those original screen time limits will not be easy, especially because spring hasn’t yet sprung so getting outside can still be difficult. It may be time for a “digital detox” to help your family shake off the cloud of electronic energy hanging over your home.

TAKING A BREAK The summer months provide parents a fantastic opportunity to implement a “digital detox” with their kids.

Since summer is still a few months away, you’ll have to find a week this spring to work with. Taking a break from the beeps, pings, and buzz of social media is something everyone should consider due to the adverse effects it can have on your neural pathways. Certain aspects of social media have proven to be addictive. Various research studies have shown how the 22 WNY Family April 2021

brain releases small amounts of dopamine when we receive a like, a favorite, or upvote on something we’ve posted online. We get a small, short lived high from how that public, social acknowledgment makes us feel.

It’s more than just the chemistry in your brain though. Those likes, tweets, and chirps offer a connection to the rest of the world. It is hard to resist taking that quick glance at your phone to see who or what is vying for your attention. As an experiment, try not looking at your smartphone for a short period.

Ignore its persuasive pings and alluring alerts. This simple assignment is much harder than you might imagine and it speaks volumes to the need for a family-wide tech disconnect. I’ve seen it with my own family. They are so attached to their devices that the idea of going out to do anything can be perceived as an annoyance!

I’m suggesting a digital detox this spring to help get families back to square one. This detox consists of no smartphones, no tablets, and no video games. Watching a movie or a show through a streaming service is acceptable, assuming it’s done as a family.

The ideal disconnect would last three to five days. Let’s look at how you can make this idea work for your household (without strangling everyone within arms length).

Parents should be prepared for an enormous pushback on this idea.

Taking technology away from kids is a common form of punishment for breaking the rules. Now, you’re going to limit its usage for a few days for no logical reason other than you read it was a good idea. Generation Z views the virtual world much differently than previous generations. They don’t see a significant difference between the physical and virtual worlds. In their eyes, you are isolating them from their friends, community, and everything outside of the house. FOMO, the fear of missing out, will be a driving force behind their adolescent concerns. Your offspring may quickly believe “you’re the worst, meanest parent in the whole world and you don’t care about your kids” or something like that. The best advice is to explain your reasoning to your family with the expectation that it will probably fall on deaf ears.

MAKING IT WORK Implementing a digital disconnect is not going to be an easy task for most households. There are some strategies parents can use to increase the likelihood of success.

Model It — For a digital detox to be effective, we as parents need to model the behavior we want our children to emulate. Show your kids how vital a disconnect can be by putting your device down. Lead by example!

Stop checking Facebook, Instagram, and email every time your smartphone chirps. As a working adult, you probably won’t be able to cut off your access completely, but you should limit it as much as possible. Imagine a few days without a Zoom meeting... wouldn’t that be glorious?

Plan It — Schedule a few activities with friends to get the kids interacting with the real world. Plan an event like going bowling or bouncing at an indoor trampoline park. COVID restrictions may limit your options, however, continued on page 60

SPECIAL NEEDS

WNY Family Magazine | April 2021 | PULL-OUT & SAVE

April 2021 WNY Family 23

 Hearing the Diagnosis  Remember: You Are Not Alone  Creating a Hopeful Future A developmental disability, according to the Developmental Disabilities Assistance and Bill of Rights Act, is defined as a severe, chronic disability that:  originated at birth or during childhood,  is expected to continue indefinitely, and  substantially restricts the individual’s functioning in several major life activities.

Guidance for Parents Who Learn Their Newborn Has A Developmental Disability

W

hen parents learn their child has a developmental disability, the news can be unexpected and momentous. Then the questions start: What’s ahead for our child? For our family?

The information can be overwhelming.

typical children,” said Clark. “We wanted to help parents see the positive and the potential.”

The tip sheet is intended to provide guidance and suggestions for expectant parents (prenatally) or parents who learn of their newborn’s developmental disability shortly after birth (neonatally). Among the topics covered are:

“Tips for Parents Who Learn Their Newborn Has A Developmental Disability” is a downloadable PDF which provides TIPS FOR PARENTS WHO information for both parents HAS A LEARN THEIR NEWBORN Y DEVELOPMENTAL DISABILIT and various providers who work directly with parents and includes links to valuable resources. The tip sheet is authored by Lauren Clark, professor and Shapiro Family Endowed Chair in Developmental Disabilities Studies at the UCLA School of Nursing and a co-author from the UCEER Center of Excellence in ELSI research at the University of Utah.

TIPS FOR PARENTS

According to data from the National Health Interview Survey and published in Pediatrics in 2019, 17.8 percent of children ages 3-17 in the U.S. has a developmental disability.

Among the most common disorders identified through prenatal screening and testing are Down syndrome, fragile X syndrome, spinal muscular atrophy, cystic fibrosis, Edwards’ syndrome, spina bifida, and neural tube defects like anencephaly.

Clark conducted interviews with 40 parents who had children with developmental disabilities. The parents were asked when they heard — prenatally or neonatally — and what kind of information they wanted.

What isDisability Studies, mental the pro gnosis Endowed Chair in Develop Department of of a child with DowAssociat Professor and Shapiro Family n syne, Research dro Lauren Clark, R.N., Ph.D., FAAN; me and the , and Erin Johnson, Ph.D.; y of California Los Angeles ir outlook on life?

School of Nursing, Universit of Medicine University of Utah School Obstetrics and Gynecology, Most children with Down syndrome have moderate intel mild to lectual disab ly, ility. That neonatal prenatally or means they developmenta sheet is to provide tips for reach Whether they hear news delivered This research-based tip l milestones laterental than other child mother said of the developm about their expected child ren. One parents describe the moment her pediatric parents who receive news They ian ous. expl ained it this ental disability. Among ted and moment daughter will way: “Your or their newborn’s developm disability diagnosis as unexpec ride a bike. She may do it at s identified through emotional roller coaster onaan will ride 8 or 9, but she that they embark bike.” She also the most common disorder explain (Clark apartcts are Down syndrome, her daughter future are torn expe to read for,the mak will learn prenatal screening and testing e her own brea and feel as if their plans Nelson kfast , and go to colle muscular atrophy, cystic et al., 2013; Staats, day Goff fragile X syndrome, spinal k et ge one al., in review). et al., in review; Nelson(Clar s changes e, spina bifida, and neural Monk, 2015). The diagnosi fibrosis, Edwards’ syndrom Goff, Springer, & Ther in covered about e Topics think are manchild. They haly. tube defects like anencep views of the future for their y resources to help parents’ not are deve children with lopmental disably and the kind of that parents this tip sheet include realizing ilities achieve bility as parents different responsi their a intervention a child’s diagnosis with es changestheir goals. Early Sometim way.begi in a newmay alone if they experience n right away family they will have . Afte. r that, pres and K-12 educ tips for what they can do feels hopeless chool the future developmental disorder and heavy, and ation can offer inclusive and in expectations feel education. Colle for parents, are individualized for themselves as a couple ges and univ they to create a hopeful future s is difficult ersities also If hearing the diagnosi and programs ion will be useful for informat sadness, or offer admission This child. anger, of their to support stud and for in their feelings certainly not alone ents with intel work directly who s deve provider lopm lectu service ental disabilities al and both parents and to have a colle hopelessness. and ge experienc earn a degree.

Parents rely with parents. e on meaning-mak ing message their sense of s to reinvent Throughout parenting purp childhood, phys ose and main frame of mind tain a positive ical therapy, therapy, and . They look for occupational speech thera hope by repla messages with know py often cing negative can couples t help expectan in meeting deve children prog positive, insp With scientific advances, ress irational ways lopm enta their unborn l mile life with a child of viewing stones. Thes makeup of their may be inclu who has a deve e services quite a bit about the genetic ded as part lopmental disab such as Dow ental of their Indiv n syndrome.

Plan (IEP) in publ ways to test for developm ility idual Education child. There are different ic schools as part of the Indiv e is one of the most common Disabilities Educ iduals with Families have differences. Down syndrom ation Act (IDEA a variety of inter ). By law, free for prenatally using preta publ screened s tions ic disorder appr educ they make sens to choose from opriate ation is avail chromosomal e of disability, as able to eligi g or genetic screenin Routine abilit disab ble d. y, potential, limit children with ilities throughou expectations, blood tests and ultrasoun ations, t the nation and relationsh from birth throu sive prenatal testing using ips. Parents age 21. As they sharing the diag find hope by testing, such as non-inva gh grow up, peop nosis with frien le with Down early and specific fetal and other deve ds and family, syndrome with other pare cell-free DNA, gives couples conn lopm ectin enta nts g l disabilities—like with children may find fulfil ion. This tip sheet is intended who have deve all people— disabilities, emb DNA diagnostic informat ling jobs and lopmental racing meaning romantic relat suggestions to two groups lead happy, ful messages ionships, and role as pare productive lives to provide guidance and about their nts, and adju theirparents sting to their who plan to continue a and their (https://medline 60s or beyo disabilities until ental pace and pers child’s unique of parents: expectant parents nd plus.gov/dow Children with developm onality. Clinicians have a may nsyn 2005 a In child drom their news. that my.c bad e.htm can offer hope is not levelandclini news l; https:// messages more pregnancy after they learn -affirming c.org/health/d remind us that difficult who deliberately were e 1781 iseases/ syndrom syndrome children with Down to parents and (prenatally) and parents points in the 8-downdevelopmental disability look--prognos at earlier study, mothers of/out parenting expe is). rience. ’s developmental disability providers talked about the first learn of their newborn more optimistic when their lly). shortly after birth (neonata

“Knowing they have much to learn, many parents wonder how they will face the unexpected experience of parenting a child who is different from

NATIONAL RESOURCE CENTER

24 WNY Family April 2021

HEARING THE DIAGNOSIS

FOR HEALTHY MARRIAGE

TIP 3: HOPE: CR HOPEFUL FU EATING A TURE

PAGE 1

AND FAMILIES

NATIONAL RESO

URCE CENTER

FOR HEALTHY

MARRIAGE AND

FAMILIES PAGE 7

“Parents were looking for balanced information about everyday life and what to expect,” Clark explained.

“They get a lot of information and it can be overwhelming.

And negative. Our goal was to provide a glimpse of what that life would look like from the best experts around: Parents who have been there.”

The tip sheet, which is actually 8 pages in length, includes strategies parents can use after finding out that their newborn has a developmental disability and resources for helping later in their child’s transition to adulthood.

It’s As Easy As

Therapeutics!

“What we found was that parents really wanted to hear a message of hope. During the early days and months after hearing the diagnosis they were trying to cobble together messages of hope and they wished nurses and others would help them see the positive and the potential,” says Clark.

Help with Motor Development Help with Sensory Skills Help with Handwriting

716.580.3040 For example, one mom shared a comment from her pediatrician who said, “I’m going to give you one piece of advice. It’s the same advice I give every parent regardless of what kind of child they have: Don’t compare him to anybody else. He’ll do things at his own pace. He might not ride a bike at 5. But he’s probably going to ride it at 8 or 10 or 11, but he will ride a bike.

Let him develop and move at his own pace. And he’ll get there. He’ll do it.”

Another parent shared this comment from the social worker the morning after her baby was born: “She’ll make you a better person and your husband a better person and your entire family better people. So it’s just going to be wonderful.”

“We want parents to know they are not alone,” said Clark. “New parents want affirming, balanced glimpses of what to expect, and this resource helps them imagine a positive future ahead.”

The tip sheet is available as an 8-page PDF download at https://library. med.utah.edu/publishing/wp-content/ uploads/2021/02/Tips_final-WTE.pdf

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April 2021 WNY Family 25

get rid of any evaluations, as different doctors and/or therapists may ask for them. Sometimes, a therapist or clinician will provide you with draft copies of evaluations for your review while they finalize “official” copies. There is no need to keep the drafts once you have the finalized products.

Organizing Special Needs Paperwork

In addition to evaluations, keep observations any teachers or therapists use. You never know what observation could become important later, so it’s worth holding on to these.

— by Julia Garstecki

Medical Information

I

f there is one thing parents struggle with during the school year, it’s paperwork. Report cards and projects and “this might be important, but who knows” papers can really pile up. It’s easy to become overwhelmed. If you have a child with a special need and/or receiving special education services, you’ll probably consider renting a storage unit at some point. After sixteen years of being the parent of a child with a disability, I’ve got this paperwork thing down!

There are people who love organizing, those that do not, and those that learn to love organizing because of necessity. I fall into the last category.

I am now addicted to office supplies.

Binders and page protectors and those divider thingies — I can’t get enough of them!

While there isn’t one best way to actually organize the material, there are definitely better methods than what I used to do — put it in a pile, move the pile to a box, and then cry when you had to find something you could have sworn you saved. Let’s be honest, here. You don’t feel busier than parents of neurotypical kids, you ARE busier. A well-organized system will save time and stress later.

Over the last few years, everything seems to be electronic. There are benefits to that, and we’ll organize that stuff after we’ve gone “old school” first!

26 WNY Family April 2021

MAJOR CATEGORIES TO ORGANIZE  Evaluations and Testing  Medical Information  Special Education Info and Individualized Education Plans  Therapy and/or Recreation Activities

Sometimes there isn’t time for thinking. Next, you’ll want a list of every doctor, clinic, and therapist with their title, role in your child’s life, and phone numbers for speedy access. Same with medications. Include names, amounts, and pharmacies. If there are reactions (good or bad) it’s a good idea to note them. Keep copies of physicals and immunizations with the most recent on top. Same goes with emergency contacts.

Before you break out the markers and dividers, decide if you’d rather make separate binders by category, by year, or by grade level. Speaking from experience, this may change over the years. Binders of the pre-diagnosis and during diagnosis years will be packed because there is so much involved in the process. Now that I’m a veteran of this lifestyle, my binders are sleeker, reflecting the confidence and knowledge I have gained.

Also, you want medical results as well. This may include any testing, MRI data, blood work, biopsies, speech, vision, and/or hearing tests.

Make sure the dates are clearly identified on these as well. If there are significant changes, you may want to highlight them, as one of the common questions you’ll hear is, “So how old was Junior when…..” Complete this binder with your insurance information and a calendar of appointments, along with any questions that pop up.

So while you need to decide how you want to organize your binders, there are definitely things you want in them.

Special Education and Individualized Education Plans (IEPs)

Let’s start with Evaluations and Testing.

This binder is devoted to all the academic paperwork you’ll collect each year. It can include notes from teachers about behaviors, or tests and drawings your child completed that can track progress, or lack of it. It’s nearly impossible to keep everything.

I focus on pieces that prove certain modifications are or are not working.

These are needed when you least expect it. Print them all, ensure the date is obvious, and keep the most recent tests on the top, as those are the ones that will be referred to. Don’t

Or, they can be used to show why certain modifications need to be created.

For every Committee on Special Education (CSE) meeting, you’ll be given privacy laws, folders about special education, and other papers schools are obligated to provide.

You won’t need to refer to them very often, so leaving them out of your binder is fine.

IEPs are important to keep. Depending on the state and/ or disability, IEPs can be a few pages or dozens. IEPs change as needed, so keep each version designed for your child. If you are given one as an attachment through email, print it off so you can have it for your CSE meetings or teacher conferences. Then you can highlight, take notes, or doodle during the meeting. Give yourself bonus points if you annotate the IEP to include notes about what worked or didn’t work for your child. For example, if time and a half on a test didn’t help, note that. If your child can use notecards on tests and it did help, make note of that as well. This way you’ll remember it for each year. And… these may be used in college too, so keep this updated!

Another thing I kept in my IEP binder were letters explaining my son’s Apraxia to teachers and caregivers. Because not many teachers knew or understood Apraxia, this letter included what Apraxia looked like and what it meant for my child. It was a good place to start the parent-teacherstudent relationship each year.

Finally, keeping the list of teachers/counselors/school psychologists, as well as their contact information (and possibly birthdays and favorite foods), is a great help as well.

The therapy/recreation binder is last, but it isn’t least!

Maybe your child will work with a speech teacher once a week. Or, you’ll have a speech teacher, a reading teacher, an occupational or physical therapist, a behavior coach… who knows. You may also find therapeutic horseback riding, bowling teams, Unified Sports Teams, and social clubs.

Maintaining this information in one spot is super helpful.

Keeping a contact list with phone numbers and emails will make it much easier to follow up with activities and meeting times.

COMPUTER ORGANIZING DO’S & DON’TS Fortunately, many reports are electronic now. Unfortunately, these still need to be organized. Keeping things on a computer is not as satisfying as using binders and page protectors, but at least you’ll have space on your bookshelves again.

Creating a folder on your desktop is easy. Make sure you name it something concrete so you remember what it continued on page 38 April 2021 WNY Family 27

— by Sarah Lyons

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How to Prepare for Your Child’s IEP Meeting

A

n individualized education plan (IEP) is a key component of your child’s special education plan. By law, schools are required to provide services to kids who qualify. An IEP meeting is where goals will be set and which services will be provided are decided on by both educators and the child’s guardians. This can be very intimidating for parents.

With preparation and research prior to the meeting, parents will feel more informed and confident during the meeting. The time spent before will lead them to be better advocates for their child, while developing a plan that will help the child have more success in school while keeping everyone happy. Below you will find 6 steps to help best prepare you for your child’s IEP meeting.

Talk To The Teacher

It is important to talk to your child’s teacher to determine how things are going at school. The teacher can help identify your child’s strengths and challenges and may suggest what services would be helpful. If possible, observe your child in the classroom to get a feel for how social interactions and classroom learning are going. Knowing this information, as well as their current math and reading levels, will help you assist in setting goals during the IEP meeting.

Read Up

The school should send home a notice of meeting that states who will attend the IEP meeting, the reason for meeting, and, if applicable, goals set in the previous IEP meetings. Carefully read the information sent home so you understand what to expect. You may also consider studying special education laws that pertain to your child’s needs so you know what services you can legally ask for. There are many websites and books available to help parents prepare for IEP meetings, as well. The more knowledge you have, the more confident and comfortable you will feel during the meeting.

Set Goals

Prior to the meeting, write down questions you would like to ask at the meeting. This is also a great time to consider what visions and goals you have for your child and make note of them.

Bring your notes with you to the meeting so you can refer to them throughout the process. Having a list of questions and an idea of goals you would like to see your child reach will help you make sure that you cover everything you had hoped, even if the emotions of the meeting make it more difficult to remember your questions and concerns. Don’t be afraid to ask for additional services for

your child. The school may not provide everything you had in mind but it never hurts to ask.

Get Organized

Collect any paperwork you need or would like to bring to the meeting and gather it in one place so it is neat and organized for the meeting. Bring your notes from your observations, your list of questions and goals you would like to set, and any medical paperwork that pertains to the IEP meeting. If you have had any private evaluations done, bring copies of those as well.

Bring An Advocate

Because IEP meetings can be intimidating, it can be helpful to bring an advocate to the meeting with you. This could be a lawyer or, simply, a spouse or co-parent. Having a person there both for support and to be another advocate for your child can be a good boost of confidence for the parent to help ensure you meet the goals you would like for your child. Be sure to let your school know, in advance, who will be attending the meeting with you.

Be Confident

You know your child best and are the best person to represent their needs, challenges, and successes. While it can be emotional and overwhelming to address issues your child is facing when it comes to learning, setting goals and ensuring the proper services are provided is the best thing you can do for your child’s success in school. Dress appropriately for the meeting, bring the documents and notes you prepared, and speak confidently and lovingly about your child. Your preparation and concerns will be apparent to everyone at the meeting and you will have the reassurance that you were prepared and did your best to help your child be successful in school.

Books to Help Prepare for Your Child’s IEP Meeting Here are a few books to help you understand and prepare for your child’s IEP meeting.

The Art of Advocacy: A Parent’s Guide to a Collaborative IEP Process by Charmaine Thaner Better IEP Meetings Everyone Wins by Cynthia M. Herr and Barbara D. Bateman Wrightslaw: All About IEPs by Peter W. D. Wright and Pamela Darr Wright Wrightslaw: From Emotions to Advocacy: The Special Education Survival Guide by Peter W.D. Wright and Pamela Darr Wright

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ceived the letter. If your case moves to mediation or due process, then you will need documentation to prove your case.

If it isn’t time-stamped, then school personal can state they never received it.

Request Meeting Notes You can request meeting notes from every IEP meeting. Gardner recommends doing this for every meeting, even non-contentious ones so that you have a record of everything discussed.

Speak To Free Organizations

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What To Do When The School Wants To Remove IEP Services

J

ennifer’s (name changed for privacy) son was on an IEP (Individual Education Plan) for seven years due to a diagnosis of ADHD and an LD (learning disability) in writing and reading. During her son’s most recent team meeting, the school personnel stated they would like to remove his services since he was doing well in school. Jennifer felt that if the services were removed that her son would not continue to receive good grades.

According to the National Center for Statistics, the number of students receiving special education services has increased, from 6.4 million to 7.0 million between 2011–12 and 2017– 18. The National Educational Association states that nationwide, the current average per student cost in public schools is $7,552 and the average cost per special education student is an additional $9,369 per student (total average cost is $16,921 per special education student). This additional cost might be a reason school personnel would want to remove services for students who are receiving high grades.

“If a child is improving and meeting goals, that does not mean declassification is the answer. In my practice, 99% of the time a child’s performance improves due to the IEP services. Re30 WNY Family April 2021

moving the services could lead to regression,” says Dr. Kimberly Williams, a Pediatric Neuropsychologist and Clinical Psychologist with offices in Long Island and Brooklyn, New York.

When the school recommends removing your child’s IEP services you can do the following. Please note laws can vary by state or change so please check with your local advocacy system for current information.

Enable Your Right to Stay Put “Many parents don’t realize that if a school tries to remove IEP services, they can enact their legal right to ‘stay-put’ which means the services must stay in place,” said Nancy Gardner, Co-Chair of East Bridgewater SEPAC (Special Education Parent Advisory Council).

Under the law, parents are members of the special education team even though it may not feel that way at times. You can submit a letter requesting that the services “stay put,” which means that the IEP cannot be removed.

(See https://u.org/30v0u6O)

Get Documents Time Stamped Any letters such as a “stay put letter” that you submit needs to be timestamped to prove that the school re-

Every state is required to have a Parent Training and Information Center (https://www.parentcenterhub.org/ find-your-center/) which is an organization that provides free information to parents of children with disabilities.

This organization can provide you with free advice regarding the next steps to take. There are also organizations like SEPAC (Special Education Parent Advisory Councils) that can provide support.

“By federal mandate, every state must have a Protection and Advocacy System (https://bit.ly/3t8reGJ) for people with disabilities. The names each state chooses for this program differs but you should be able to find your state’s program through a Google search using ‘[State] protection and advocacy system.’” says Melanie Musson, special education teacher and educational writer for Free Legal Advice (https://bit.ly/2N8JLDu).

Research Non-Compliance Issues If the school wants to remove the IEP services the school might not be providing the accommodations.

“Often the district wants to declassify because the child ‘does not use’ the IEP accommodations. This may be the fault of the school and a non-compliance issue of the district. Children may not use services because they are stigmatized and/or child may not be a good self-advocate. Using services is continued on page 40

April 2021 WNY Family 31

agencies and services for people with disabilities that can be found by visiting www2.erie.gov. It includes a comprehensive list of counties, programs, and services provided.

Medicaid is also an option for families that qualify. The Office for People with Developmental Disabilities (https:// opwdd.ny.gov) is a fantastic resource that will help assist with determining what your child will be eligible to receive and what paperwork is required.

Medicaid can help offset costs of doctor visits and therapies, as well as respite and home care.

— by Julia Garstecki

Financial Planning for Special Needs

W

hen couples first think about having children, images of snuggly newborns, school recitals, and family vacations come to mind. All of these cozy thoughts take precedence over the price tag raising a child will likely involve — and for good reason. If you sat down to think about just how much health care, clothing, school pictures, education, and sports were going to cost, you might just end up with a cat.

All of these invaluable moments with your children will be more fun if you aren’t missing them because of work. But if you don’t work, how will it all be paid for? Like all things, planning ahead can save days… years… of stress.

Financial planning is no exception, especially if you have children with special needs. Families with children with special needs have unique challenges when devising budgets and planning their financial future. In essence, you aren’t just planning for one generation. If your child has a disability that will impact their adult lives, you actually need to plan for two generations.

Having a child with special needs does greatly impact expenses. Extra copays and specialized equipment can be a challenge, especially because it’s less likely that a family with special needs can have two working parents. Or, there will be lost wages due to missed work 32 WNY Family April 2021

days for the additional doctor, therapy, and school visits required.

So, given that having a child with special needs will cost more, what options are there for parents? And, how does a parent get access?

Fortunately, there is help available.

Part of the biggest hurdle is knowing how and where to get it. Luckily in Western New York there are a multitude of resources to work with. This can depend on the disability and age of diagnosis.

The easiest places to start is with your child’s pediatrician and the school in your district.

In the early years, therapies and assessments are often free for the family, as the New York State Early Intervention Programs will cover the cost of therapies under the age of three. A list of contacts for each county can be found here: www. health.ny.gov/community/infants_children/early_intervention/county_eip.htm During the school years, the school district will cover the cost of therapies provided by the district. If there are more severe needs than a school can cover, resources are still available. However, this depends on the disability, severity, and where you live. A list of community

As high school graduation draws near, new fears present themselves. Services were free through schools, and/or support was just a phone call away. What happens when the child becomes a legal adult? Where and how will the now adult with a special need live? Inevitably, the time will come when parents are no longer able to care for their adult child with a disability. Like all things, planning ahead can save years of struggle. This is where a financial planner and/or an attorney skilled in creating a Special Needs Trust can help.

One such attorney is Jeffrey F. Voelkl of Voelkl Law PC, located in Williamsville. Attorneys such as Mr. Voelkl understand the complexities of having child and adult family members with special needs. It is important to plan well so that assistance such as Medicaid can continue throughout the years, despite any inheritance your child might receive.

An important factor to consider as your child approaches 18 is guardianship. Once a child turns 18, a parent can no longer make financial, legal, and health decisions for the child. Is your child (or, older adult who has an ac- cident or stroke later in their life) able to make independent decisions about their health? Complete banking transactions? Sign legal documents? If they are unable to do these things, appointing a legal guardian is critical. According to Mr. Voelkl, this process can be efficiently and quickly navigated in Surrogates court. If a person has a diagnosed disability, families can have a proceed-

Attorneys can help create a Special Needs Trust, also referred to as a Supplemental Needs Trust. The primary purpose of a Special Needs Trust is to ensure your child is provided for in the future, while also still receiving government assistance for health and living expenses. The Special Needs Trust can be used to purchase items such as cars, computers, home appliances, and other needs.

There are two types of Special Needs Trusts. A first party SNT is a “self-funded” SNT, and a “third party” SNT which is funded by another individual. In a first party SNT, any money left in the special needs trust will go to the government upon the death of your child. In a third party special needs trust, a third party sets up the Trust. Upon death, the money in this SNT can be designated to go to the residuary beneficiary of the trust, not the government.

Sound confusing? This is why it is important to find a lawyer with experience. There are many variables to consider, and several choices to make when creating the special needs trust. It is not an easy topic to think about or discuss, as it can be very emotional to consider these darker moments. However, avoiding to plan for the inevitable can have enormous consequences on your child’s future. Spending the money now to prepare can save thousands of dollars later on, likely at a time when you will not be able to help.

So what steps should you take now? It’s never too early to start planning. From personal experience, those first years are spent trying to diagnose and understand the disability. However, this is something that does require attention. A simple web search can help identify attorneys with special needs trust experience.

According to Mr. Voelkl, most attorneys, including himself, will provide a thirty-minute consultation for free. This conversation will help clarify the needs of the family, as well as explain the services the attorney can provide. Making sure you have documents such as Individualized Education Plans, Assessments/ Evaluations explaining and providing evidence of the disability, and an awareness of your goals will help move things along.

It may not be the most enjoyable way to spend your time, but it is necessary. And, individuals who have these matters taken care of insist it’s comforting to know a plan for your future, as well as your child’s, are in place.

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According to Mr. Voelkl, a special needs trust needs to be properly set up to ensure you take full opportunity of public benefits such as Medicaid and Social Security, and at the same time receive financial support from family and friends.

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April 2021 WNY Family 33

M

agazines are flooded with new diets, better ways to organize, and breakthrough discoveries. When you get older, you realize that most of these “new” things are just new ways of saying old things. However, it is exciting when “new” actually means discoveries and increased knowledge.

Because of so many new technologies, scientific discoveries of diseases and disorders are progressing rapidly. In the world of autism, technology is a key reason so much progress is being made in diagnosis or treatment.

New Discoveries in the World of Autism

One challenge of autism is that it is difficult to diagnose. There is no blood or genetic test that can diagnose the disorder. Any parent of an older child with autism can tell you the definition and “kinds” of autism have changed over time. The label attached to Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) has changed throughout the years.

For example, my child with Pervasive Developmental Disorder now is identified with having Level 1.5 Autism — he’s not a 1, but he’s not a 2. This is one reason the word “spectrum” has become so significant.

Changes in Diagnosis

Questionnaires and observation are still the primary way to diagnose autism. As a result, caregivers and children are at the mercy of the expertise of the clinician performing the assessment, who is at the mercy of the assessments developed for autism screening.

Fortunately, innovative technology in the form of robots is now helping clinicians to diagnose people with autism. The robots play music, tell jokes, and interact with children.

34 WNY Family April 2021

tivities and processing is different in the brain of a child with autism. In other words, children with autism and without autism may have the same experiences, but their brains are learning different things. Tracking the eye movements of children in their early years can provide insights into the possibility of a child having autism.

Clinicians can use this information to determine the best course of treatment. A primary goal of their research is to determine exactly how the brain of the child with autism processes information at various ages and stages.

Then, therapists and parents can specifically design social experiences to improve social functioning for those on the spectrum.

— by Julia Garstecki Children with autism and children without autism respond differently to this experience. The patient’s laughter, engagement, and reactions to the robot are recorded. Clinicians monitor how often the child smiles at, looks at, or engages in reciprocal play with the robot. Gathering this data, coupled with a clinicians’ assessment, can help more precisely determine if a child is on the spectrum, and if so, what level of autism the patient may have.

Another development in diagnosing autism is with eye tracking technology. In Atlanta, the Marcus Center has been studying children with autism and their siblings. Observing what the patient is staring at, and what happens as the patient watches, is leading experts to learn and understand autism differently. In an excerpt of the July 2019 issue of Brain and Behavior magazine, researchers stated that social ac-

New Methods to Determine What Causes Autism

So much of the new research and science is devoted to learning how autism happens. Dr. Lisa Shulman is a Neurodevelopmental Pediatrician and Professor of Pediatrics at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine. She is one of many doctors involved in autism research. According to Dr. Shulman, “Understanding the differences between the genes in those with and without autism allows us to identify the genes and physiological processes that have gone awry and are causing the symptoms of autism.”

Dr. Shulman is one of the principal investigators for the Simons Foundation Powering Autism Research, or SPARK. The goal of SPARK is to identify the genes that cause autism.

Currently there appear to be 178 separate autism-linked gene abnormalities, but there may be hundreds of genes as well as possible environmental reasons that result in autism.

Scientists do know there is not just one thing that causes autism. By determining how autism is caused, more specific treatments, medical or behavioral, can be developed. SPARK is looking to study 50,000 families that have at least one member with autism.

Participating families provide their DNA. If a gene related to autism can be related to a specific gene, families are notified. The information is placed in an international database so scientists all over the world can use that information in their research. To become involved with the SPARK research, contact sparkforautism.org. You can also call 718-839-7065.

New Services for People With Autism

There is also a lot of new technology to assist people with autism. Augmentative and Alternative Communication devices have been around for a long time, but as computers become faster and smaller, so do these devices.

AAC devices are helpful for those with language delays. They are now more portable and comprehensive.

Other technology is helping older people with autism gain social and professional skills.

Podium (https://podiumforautism.com) is one such program. Podium provides life and career coaching for those on the spectrum as well as those with ADHD. Technology can help track eye contact, social skills, and speak with job coaches. It helps those with autism track how well they communicate with others.

Then programs are specifically created to help build social skills and receive employment training.

Autism can be very confusing. One major element that is consistently dis-

covered is that autism is very different for every single person, and no two people with autism will have the same challenges, mannerisms, and level of development. It truly is a spectrum disorder. What helps for one person with autism may not work for another with autism. Because of this, research is focusing on the underlying reason for autism in an effort to design specific treatment plans.

The more we know, the more we can do.

Julia Garstecki is a freelance author. Currently she has published more than 70 nonfiction books for struggling readers and has published dozens of articles to help families learn more about special needs.

She also teaches at Bryant and Stratton.

Julia is available to speak with parent and teacher groups on all topics Autism, as she is also the parent of a child with ASD.

April 2021 WNY Family 35

— by Malia Jacobson

How to Safeguard Children with Special Needs from Bullying

W

hen young Cody joined the peer inclusion preschool at his neighborhood public school, he fit in from the start. His class was a mix of neurotypical “peer mentors” and children with disabilities, including students like Cody with apraxia of speech, a motor speech disorder that made communication complicated. The school’s curriculum encouraged understanding and advocating for students with disabilities, says Cody’s mom, and he felt accepted and included.

Because the peer inclusion program wasn’t offered after preschool, Cody enrolled in another local school for kindergarten. That’s when the bullying began — Cody began experiencing harassment and physical bullying nearly every day, mostly from students in his own class. When he reacted, he was punished by missing recess or simply sitting in “time out,” recalls his mother, an active member of the local Special Needs PTA. “We were getting 4, 5, 6 disciplinary notices every week, and I knew something was really wrong, because that wasn’t an issue at his other school.”

36 WNY Family April 2021

Bullying and Disability

Bullying at school — defined as disrupting or interfering with a student’s educational environment through intimidating, threatening, or physically harming a student or the student’s belongings — affects children with disabilities more often than other kids. While around ten percent of neurotypical kids experience bullying, the number jumps five-fold for students with disabilities.

Though bullying is harmful to all children, it’s especially hurtful for children with disabilities. Children with certain conditions that affect speech or communication may not be able to tell teachers or caregivers what they’re experiencing, making bullying harder to identify and correct, says David Camenisch, MD, a psychiatrist with the Seattle Children’s Hospital Autism Center. “A child with special needs who is bullied may internalize their distress, becoming disruptive at school or at home, developing feeding or toileting problems, or physical complaints like stomachache or headaches.”

And bullying doesn’t just harm the child being bullied. Bullying negatively impacts students who observe it — the so-called bystanders — along with teachers and adults connected to the school. “Bullying is insidious because it erodes feelings of confidence and safety not only for those directly involved in bullying but for bystanders, teachers and parents,” says Camenisch.

School districts are starting to take notice. “In recent years, there’s been greater awareness and more education around what bullying is as it relates to students with disabilities, and the fact that students with disabilities have protections under the law,” says Jen Cole, MA, director of Parent Training and Information with Tacoma’s PAVE (Partnerships for Action Voices for Empowerment), which provides support and resources for individuals, youth and families impacted by disabilities.

All states have anti-bullying laws (https://www.stopbullying.gov/resources/laws) to protect kids. Students with an identified disability have added layers of civil rights protection via federally guaranteed right to a free, ap-

propriate public education (sometimes referred to as FAPE).

something you’re talking about regularly with the school,” Cole says.

Awareness of the impacts of bulling on multicultural and English learning children with disabilities is also increasing, Cole says, thanks to the advocacy effects led by caregivers and organizations like Open Doors for Multicultural Families. (https://www. multiculturalfamilies.org/)

Self-determination, or the student’s ability to voice their own needs and wants, can be a benchmark within an IEP plan, as well as a school-wide focus. “A healthy school climate is one in which everyone is actively working on skills like showing respect, being safe, being responsibility, and specific skills related to bullying, specifically self-determination — students learning how to speak up for themselves,” says Cole.

“Students with disabilities experience a lot of intersectionality with identity,” says Cole. “That means that when a student with a disability is also transitional bilingual, English learning, a student of color, or experiencing homelessness, they’re more vulnerable to bullying and also have less access to resources to help.”

How Adults — And Kids — Can Help

When it comes to bullying, caregivers for students with disabilities can’t afford to be unprepared, says Cole. “I encourage families to be proactive because it’s so hard when it happens to us and we are unprepared,” she says.

One of the best ways to prepare: Make your child’s individualized education plan (IEP) or 504 plan part of your anti-bullying toolkit. “Make this [harassment, intimidation and bullying] part of your student’s IEP meeting so that things like social-emotional growth and self-determination become

While anti-bullying education is now common in schools, some programs are more effective than others.

Peer advocacy — teaching students to stand up for others — can be one of the most effective forms of anti-bullying education, says Camenisch. “Bullies are more responsive to peers pointing out that their behavior is wrong than they are to adults.”

Outside of school, caregivers can help encourage the growth of proactive social skills that help protect kids from bullying, says Camenisch. “Proactive social skills include the ability to identify and respond to bullying, situational awareness, and fundamentally knowing ‘what is a friend.’”

Role-playing through potential playground interactions and reading books like Don’t Pick on Me by Susan Green are more ways parents can promote proactive social skills, says Camenisch.

A combination of peer advocacy

and parent-to-parent education shifted the climate in Cody’s kindergarten classroom. His mother used social media and the classroom contact list to educate other parents about Cody’s condition and ask for their support. As the class learned more about disability and bullying, Cody’s primary tormentor ended up becoming a strong peer advocate. “It was an exhausting few months, but it made me aware of the resources that are available for things like this,” she says.

Most importantly, Cody now feels accepted and included at his school, she says. “He absolutely loves his friends. He just wants to feel like everyone else.”

Bullying isn’t a learning experience anyone wants for their child — it’s far too damaging and dangerous.

“But addressing bullying can be very empowering for kids and for adults,” says Camenisch. “It can jumpstart learning and give kids an opportunity to help others understand their unique challenges.”

“It is possible to navigate this successfully,” he adds. “But it takes a team.”

Malia Jacobson is a nationally published health and family journalist. Her work is frequently featured on television and in publications and news outlets including Women’s Health magazine, Pregnancy & Newborn, YAHOO Shine, MSN Health, the TODAY Show, and TODAY Moms.

April 2021 WNY Family 37

— by Tanni Haas, Ph.D.

ORGANIZING PAPERWORK continued... is. Of course, everyone has a different system. Someone math-related may choose to just make a new folder for every year. Should it be by age, school grade, or calendar year? Who cares — as long as it works for you! The information listed above should still be maintained. Smart phones make it easier than ever to scan documents if you do prefer to go the technology route. As long as everything is accessible, you should be all set!

(Editor’s Note: If storing all your documents on a computer, be sure to create a backup at reasonable intervals in case your hard drive fails. Using cloud storage or an application like Dropbox instead of or in addition to your computer hard drive will safeguard your files.)

Rookies in the special needs/special education process may be convinced they will remember things, and that this organization isn’t needed.

Most disabilities are life-long, and the unexpected happens. The most important thing to consider is that if you needed to depend on someone else to take over your system, could they? Let that guide you to designing the perfect process for you!

Julia Garstecki is a certified reading and special education teacher, as well as the parent of a child with a disability. She has learned a lot in the last 16 years! Julia is available to speak to parenting and educational groups.

Contact her at julia@juliagarstecki. com.

38 WNY Family April 2021

Great Apps For Kids With Special Needs

L

ike any other kids, kids with special needs are diverse, and there are many educational apps that can help them with their specific needs. Here are some of the best ones, and they’re all free. So if you’re a parent or caregiver of kids with special needs, have them check them out, and then download the ones that are the most useful and fun.

ChatterPix Kids (Available at Apple Appstore; Google Play) This app is great for kids who need help practicing their oral communication skills. They can either upload or take a picture of themselves, draw a mouth, and then record anything they want to say.

It’s particularly useful if you’re having a difficult conversation at home and your kids find it easier to express their views through an avatar rather than

directly to you. It can also be useful in school if your kids require extra time composing an answer to a teacher’s question. They can record and re-record their response until they get it just the way they want it.

Emotionary (Available at: Apple Appstore; Google Play) If you want to help your kids better understand other people’s emotions, the best thing you can do is help them better understand their own. This app has more than 100 short, dictionarystyle definitions of common emotions, each accompanied by a emoticon. This helps kids develop a rich vocabulary for expressing their emotions, and it teaches them coping skills so that they don’t become overwhelmed by their emotions. They can create their own emoticons for emotions they think aren’t included in the app but are really important to them.

MindShift CBT (Available at: Apple Appstore; Google Play) Based on cognitive behavioral therapy, which is widely used, this app teaches kids how to deal with different anxiety-provoking situations like conflicts, social situations, and tests. It features tools that help users relax, practice mindfulness, and re-orient their thoughts. It has audio recordings with guided mediations, a journal for users to record thoughts that make them the most anxious, and general tips for managing anxiety.

Coach.me (Available at Apple Appstore; Google Play) Drawing on the latest psychological and behavioral research, this is a great app which assumes that a key to achieving one’s goals is to develop good, consistent habits. Users decide which habits they’d like to develop, track those habits over time, receive reminders, and then get positive feedback (high-fives) when they reach their goals. Depending on their age and maturity, your kids can either use this app on their own or with a little help from you.

OT Session (Available: Apple Appstore) Created by a well-known occupational therapist, Dr. Frederick Covington, this app features lots of kid-

friendly, game-like exercises aimed at improving their visual perception, tracking, and coordination. It also improves fine motor skills, especially kids’ ability to create proper letters.

The app is used by occupational therapists everywhere, but your kids can use it too, either on their own or with your help, to track their progress over time.

Model Me Going Places 2 (Available at: Apple Appstore) This social skills app teaches kids how to interact with different kinds of people that they encounter in their daily lives, such as grocery store clerks, hairdressers, doctors, and restaurant waiters. It has 12-photo slideshows that model kids engaging in appropriate behaviors with people in different settings.

My Little Suitcase (Available at: Apple Appstore) This game-like app, which can be played by up to four people, enhances kids’ ability to memorize and match items. Similar to the popular card game Memory, each player has a suitcase with six different items represented on a small card that is faced down. Players take turns turning the cards over. If the card is theirs, they put it in their suitcase. If not, it’s the next player’s turn. Aside from improving their working memory and retention skills, they learn how to focus, categorize, and engage in proper turntaking. It’s a great game for the whole family.

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Tanni Haas, Ph.D. is a Professor in the Department of Communication Arts, Sciences & Disorders at the City University of New York – Brooklyn College.

April 2021 WNY Family 39

WHAT TO DO WHEN THE SCHOOL WANTS TO REMOVE IEP SERVICES continued... not the responsibility of the student, it’s the responsibility of the school team to enforce,” says Dr. Williams.

IEP’s Don’t Expire According to the Wrightslaw (https://www.wrightslaw.com/heath/ iep.not.expire.htm) website, “The IEP will not ‘expire’. It remains in effect until a new one is written, or you agree that an IEP for specialized instruction and related services are no longer needed.”

If you write a “stay-put letter” then the last IEP remains in place until the disagreement with the school is resolved.

Check if the Student Achieved the IEP Goals “Parents must ask if the IEP goals and the objectives have fully been achieved. ‘Almost there’ or ‘we anticipate improvements’ does not count. If goals have not been achieved you cannot declassify,” says Dr. Williams.

Dr. Williams explains that if it is determined that the IEP goals have been 100% achieved, then new goals maybe necessary. She says, “For example, if a child has met the goal of writing a four to five sentence paragraph, perhaps the next goal is independently writing an essay with rich vocabulary and transition words.”

Dr. Williams explains that often the IEP goals and objectives are improperly written and the means to objectively measure success is inadequate. She suggests that parents should closely review the IEP goals and have a neuropsychologist review them.

Dr. Tamera Foley, CEO of Education 4 All Now LLC recommends that parents say, “Based on the information presented, the child has not met his goals so the IEP has not been met.”

Request Additional Testing If you don’t agree with the school’s evaluation, parents have the right to request additional testing.

“Parents can ask for an evaluation if one has not been completed within 40 WNY Family April 2021

three years by the district. If an evaluation has been completed within three years and the parents don’t agree with the findings, then they can request that the school district provide an Independent Evaluation. Normally the parent is given a list of experts in the area and field to choose from and the amount the district will pay for the evaluation,” says Dr. Foley.

mation that must be considered and written into the present levels of performance section.

Dr. Foley recommends that parents say, “Based on the data presented, there is still a gap in the child’s academics/behaviors that can only be addressed through specialized supports and services.”

If your case goes to mediation or court, then they will want to see data such as official state test scores and evaluations. School grades are subjective and do not count as grounds to remove an IEP. Also, one data point (or evaluation test) is not enough evidence to remove an IEP. “Sometimes schools respond to data and evidence. A parent can research articles explaining the ADHD (or others) is a lifelong disorder. Although children’s symptoms can improve, as curriculum demands change, they can still require accommodations.

In the situation of the student receiving an IEP for seven years that already implies longstanding needs for support and if changes must occur, it should be gradual and not all at once,” says Dr. Williams.

You can also provide other types of data, such as a record of the number of hours, it takes to complete homework.

“Parents can present information that teachers wouldn’t necessarily see, such as a log of how late a student stays up completing homework or the stress they express to parents or other trusted adults. Often, school personnel see high grades and a student well-prepared for class without understanding the effort it took to achieve the grades,” says Ruth Wilson, an educational therapist, a high school principal, and founder The Polytech (https://thepolytech.com).

Wilson explains that parents are a mandatory part of the IEP and so their evidence of how the student functions outside of the school is critical infor-

It may feel challenging to work with the school, but it is important to try to reach a middle ground because that is usually the best option for your child.

“It is important for parents to work with their school districts. In my experience as an education attorney, the best outcomes for kids occur when parents and school districts work together in a collaborative manner. While that is not always possible, that should be the goal,” says Christine Soto, Esq., attorney at Florio Perrucci Steinhardt & Cappelli.

Use Data

Try to Collaborate with the School

Hire An Advocate or an Education Lawyer If you are unable to make any progress with collaborating with the school regarding your child’s special education services, it might be necessary to hire a professional.

“There are special education attorneys that cost a small fortune, but there are also non-attorney parent advocates whom can be more affordable and highly effective. Many cities have parent advocacy centers that offer lower fees to guide parents through the CSE and IEP process,” says Dr. Williams.

This article was originally published on Think Inclusive.

Cheryl Maguire holds a Master of Counseling Psychology degree. She is married and is the mother of twins and a daughter. Her writing has been published in The New York Times, Parents Magazine, AARP, Chicken Soup for the Soul: Count Your Blessing, Your Teen Magazine and many other publications.

THE MORE YOU UNDERSTAND HER WORLD, THE MORE POSSIBILITIES YOU SEE. For Julia’s family, early screening for autism made a lifetime of difference.

Find out more at ScreenForAutism.org

© 2019 Sesame Workshop. All rights reserved.

April 2021 WNY Family 41

DOES YOUR CHILD HAVE AUTISM?

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We are WNY’s largest provider of evidence-based programs and services for autism.

Our programs use Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) methodology – identified by hundreds of scientific studies as the most effective method to teach individuals with autism.

Our goal is to help your child lead the most independent and fulfilling life possible.

Call 716-629-3400 Visit TheSummitCenter.org 42 WNY Family April 2021

FAMILY TRAVEL continued... butterfly. The Children’s Garden focuses on introducing and connecting children to the natural world and, best of all, they can run around the grounds and burn off energy. The Conservatory displays the world’s largest collection of Dale Chihuly’s glass artwork in a botanical garden.

The National Veterans Memorial and Museum is one of the city’s newest attractions and is the only place in the country dedicated to telling the stories of veterans of all branches of military service over all conflicts. The building is an architectural masterpiece and has won accolades for its unique design.

Veterans tell their personal stories through video interviews. If military service is part of your family’s history, you can leave your own story behind by using the story booth to create a short video. We the People: Portraits of Veterans in America, a traveling exhibit, tells the compelling stories of veterans across all 50 states through large scale watercolor portraits by artist Mary Whyte.

In normal times COSI, Center of Science and Industry is another favorite for families. However, at the time of my visit, it was still closed because of COVID-19. It would be worth a return visit. It boasts more than 300 hands-on exhibits, Ohio’s largest Planetarium, Giant Screen Theater, live shows and a partnership with the American Museum of Natural History. Thanks to that part-

nership the Natural History Dinosaur Gallery features a full-sized cast of Tyrannosaurus Rex and other dinosaurs.

Book lovers should set aside time for an odyssey to the Book Loft, a 32-room, three-story independent bookshop in the city’s historic German Village neighborhood. With an estimated half million books for sale, it has become one of the city’s top tourist attractions and it takes up a whole block.

The historic residential district is listed on National Register of Historic Places and features cobblestone streets and historic brick houses. It is also the place to go for restaurants, parks, and shops.

The Hotel Leveque, a 149-room boutique hotel, in the historic 1927 LeVeque Tower in the heart of downtown is a perfect choice for visitors. When it was built it was the fifth tallest building

in the world. From the hotel it is an easy walk to several top attractions including the National Veterans Memorial and Museum, COSI Center of Science and Industry and the nearby Scioto River and park.

If you have trouble getting the children to turn off the lights or TV, the hotel has a unique solution. Every room comes equipped with a Star Projector.

Plug it in, turn off the lights, get in bed and the room is transformed into a starry night. I never encountered this fantastical machine before, and it is relaxing and the perfect way to end your day.

Travel Tip of the Month: For information on Columbus visit experiencecolumbus.com or call 866-3972657. For the Hotel Leveque visit hotellevequecolumbus.com.

Deborah Williams is a veteran travel writer who lives in Holland, NY. Her work has appeared in national and international publications and she is the recipient of the Society of American Travel Writers Gold Travel Writing Award.

April 2021 WNY Family 43

PICK OF THE LITERATURE — by Dr. Donna Phillips

H

ere we go! Another Spring is on the way! More than ever, we need to get out in the fresh air and sunshine and marvel at the wonders of Spring and nature.

Whether you are in the park or in your own backyard, there is much to discover and celebrate. Just planning an outing might be enough to get your sap flowing, but if you need more springtime enthusiasm, there are plenty of new books to help you break through the winter doldrums.

A colorful board book, Discovering the Secret World of Nature Underground (Fox Chapel Publishing, Mount Joy, 2021 $9.99), written

by Petra Bartiková and Marcel Králik, is just what you and your young children need to get ready to foray out into spring. With every turn of the page, we see more and more springtime activities and learn about the animals that live in holes and in the ground.

We learn more about their lives there, what they eat, and how they interact.

44 WNY Family April 2021

While this is a board book, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t have interesting information with lots to find hidden in the pictures. The back of the book provides more details and interesting bits of information about each animal we meet along our underground journey.

The riverbank holds even more secrets and Discovering the Secret World of Nature Along the Riverbank (Fox Chapel Publishing, Mount Joy, 2021 $9.99), also written by Petra Bartiková and Marcel Králik, is another board book that opens this world to the reader. Sturdy cut-out pages turn to reveal life along the bank and under the water. We meet beavers, otters, muskrats, birds, frogs, fish, and other surprise visitors as we learn how they live and thrive. With holes to peek into and information bubbles, this is the perfect book to read before going out into the woods, where you are sure to see some of these creatures. Additional information about some of the animals we see in the story and their life in this environment is available at the back of the book.

Spring is the perfect time of the year to reenergize our interest in the world and our need to take care of it.

It is never too early for our children to start and Saving Our Planet (Random House Children’s Books, New York, 2021, $9.99), written by Mindy Archer and illustrated by Louise Forshaw, is the perfect lift the flap book to get them started. This book shows them how simple everyday things can make a difference in saving out planet.

How do we get around? What do we do with garbage? How do we behave at the beach? How do we use electricity? How can we take care of our garden, protect animals and insects, and conserve water? All of these and more are explored though colorful settings and flaps to lift which gives us things to talk about, while increasing a young child’s vocabulary and world awareness.

Whatever happened to all of the acorns that fell in the fall and the squirrels hid? Treemendous: Diary of a Not Yet Mighty Oak (Crown books

for Young Readers, New York 2021, $17.99), written by Bridget Heos and illustrated by Mike Ciccotello, is the adorable diary of an acorn who tells the story of its life from a small seed to a mighty oak tree. The first entry is Year 1, April 5, where it introduces itself as a small acorn hanging on the tree.

A year later it is still there, longing to be on the ground with the other seeds and nuts. But that September, it gets its wish and falls to the ground. Now its adventure truly begins. Then year by year it grows and faces the challenges that make it stronger and bigger. Year by year we learn a bit more about oak trees, and how they grow and thrive.

Twenty years later it sprouts flowers that will turn into acorns and the cycle begins again. The life cycle of the oak tree from Year 1 to Year 400 is represented at the end of the story and additional website links and books are recommended for further exploration.

These books couldn’t be more appropriate for the adventures that lie ahead for all of us as we go out into nature in the Spring. We will look around us with a new set of eyes and a renewed awareness of the beauty of nature and our connection to it… an important one to renew as we try to rebuild from the darkness of the past season and the past year.

Dr. Donna Phillips is an associate professor in the College of Education at Niagara University, where her specialty is literacy and children’s literature. She lives on Grand Island, NY and is the mother of two adult children and the grandmother of one.

How Do You Know When to Put a Pet Down?

M

any pet owners eventually are faced with a tough and often heart-breaking decision — is it time for my pet to be put down? Whether the pet is only two years old and has medical issues, or is 16 with no quality of life left, what should I do?

It is a complicated and difficult decision.

As a general rule, if bad days outnumber the good days, then your pet’s quality of life might be compromised.

If you can’t have a healthy human-animal bond, then the end is most likely near. When your pet is suffering, you will have to make a decision about euthanasia.

Pet parents often hope that their pets will pass away painlessly in their sleep. They want to be spared the heartache of having to make that choice for their pet. Unfortunately, nature doesn’t always provide this luxury.

As challenging as this decision is, know that every veterinarian in Western New York is an expert. They can help counsel clients through this difficult process. Essentially it’s akin to hospice for pets, and a healing process for a pet’s family. They can provide guidance on explaining what is happening, as it can be especially traumatic for children for whom this is their first experience with death.

Look for signs that your pet is nearing the end of their life. Pick several things that your pet has always loved

THE FAMILY PET

to do — chase a ball with you, go for a walk, snuggle with you on a chair, relish food and treats, etc. These are special moments that make living wonderful.

When your pet no longer enjoys these things, you must ask yourself what are they living for?

If your pet has medical issues, ask yourself is it possible for them to recover with a treatment plan that I can commit to both financially and personally? Is my pet suffering? Is it increasingly difficult for them to move without pain? Is there a loss of appetite? Are there conditions that will never improve even with all the best treatments and resources available?

If it is likely your pet will not recover, it is time to seriously consider what is best for them.

If your pet is on a downhill slide, meaning that yesterday wasn’t good, tocontinued on page 62 April 2021 WNY Family 45

Lights Out!

A

few months ago in November of 2020, almost 23,000 Western New Yorkers woke up on a Monday morning to no power. A monstrous windstorm ripped through several counties the day before, taking down trees and power lines, causing thousands to go without electricity.

We were unfortunately in that group of people waking up in the dark.

We lost power around 9pm, Sunday, and we couldn’t have been more unprepared.

I was aware of the approaching storm that evening, but I didn’t think twice about it until the three of us were sitting in the dark. When our bird feeders started slamming against the kitchen window, my rationale was, “It’ll pass.”

When the power cut off, I searched my entire house for a flashlight, using the one on my cell phone to navigate through the dark. After a few minutes of rifling through every draw and cabinet, I came up empty-handed. I imagined I misplaced it during the move. I also realized my cell phone had about a 12% charge left on it. I turned it off to conserve the battery.

No flashlight. No cellphone. I felt defenseless and vulnerable, and to make things worse, Violet was feeling sick that night.

I remembered I had some glow sticks in my toolbox and cautiously 46 WNY Family April 2021

inched my way through the basement to find them. I hung two in the living room, one in the bathroom and I kept one with us to carry around, but it wasn’t enough. It barely supplemented the one candle we had lit.

There is something about changing a diaper by candlelight/glow stick that makes you feel both primitive and irresponsible. We were living in the 21st century, but that night we might as well have been pioneers.

If this happened before we had Violet, it wouldn’t have bothered me as much. We both probably would have laughed it off and just went to sleep. But when you have a screaming two-and-a-half-month-old baby getting her diaper changed in a dark room with no heat, it absolutely changes your perspective on things. I felt like I wasn’t prepared as a parent yet and I needed to change that immediately.

We went to bed hoping when we woke, everything would be back to normal.

A few hours later, waking to a noticeable chill in the air, the power had not come back on. We knew we couldn’t stay there much longer. Andrea was on a tight pumping schedule, which required electricity. She was due to pump, and the temperature in the house was only getting colder.

Violet’s daycare also lost power, so we had to keep her home, but with-

out heat, it wouldn’t be a safe environment for her. Even if they had power, we wouldn’t be able to send her; we couldn’t risk opening our freezers and losing month’s worth of breast milk.

The only logical option was for Andrea to take Violet to her sister’s house, where they had power. A hotel was the alternative.

With the two of them safely out of the house, I went to work to check on my department and staff. I anxiously monitored my phone, texting Andrea and waiting for an update about the power being restored.

When I left work that afternoon, I noticed that some of the storefronts were still in the dark and some of them had power. Luckily, the supermarket and hardware store were both open so I could grab supplies. I bought two highpowered LED lanterns, two flashlights, and enough batteries to survive multiple blackouts.

When I made it home we still had no power. I threw out everything in our refrigerator since it had been almost 16 hours at that point. The worse part was throwing out all the breast milk Andrea pumped the day before. We were just grateful that our two freezers in the basement holding months worth of milk didn’t defrost in the process; something we had heard far too many stories about.

At 2:38pm just as I was hauling two garbage bags full of condiments, breast milk, and baby carrots outside to the trash, the kitchen lights came on, along with the rest of the power in the house.

I called Andrea and told her to come home.

By the time the night was over, I felt defeated. I had been through power outages before, but adding a baby to the mix definitely changed the dynamic.

The takeaway is… always be prepared for anything.

Richard De Fino, a freelance writer by night, first became a father at age 34.

After losing his first-born son Louis, at birth, he was determined to keep his memory alive the best way he knew how; through words. Now, with the birth of his daughter Violet, he plans on continuing to share his fatherhood journey each month with WNY Family readers.

Making Media Entertainment An Easier Choice For Families

PARENT PREVIEWS — by Kirsten Hawkes

Earth Day Movies

After a long year spent in lockdowns of varying lengths and severity, many of us have developed a greater appreciation for the outdoors. April 22nd is Earth Day, a chance for us to celebrate the wonders of our planetary home. You can help your youngsters mark the day with these movies that will also nudge them to consider how they can conserve the planet’s resources.

Dr Seuss’s The Lorax (2012, PG)

Living in his perfectly manicured, very plastic town, Ted is thrilled when the teen girl he’s infatuated with suggests they sneak out in search of nature. While seeking a real tree, they meet the Once-ler who tells them the story of the loss of the brightly colored Truffula trees. As viewers contemplate the environmental costs wrought by the endless demand for thneeds in this film, they may well start to consider their own wants and needs in the context of the earth’s environment. (Netflix, Digital on Demand)

OVERALL RATING: B

VIOLENCE: (B) LANGUAGE: (A-)

SEXUAL CONTENT: (A-) ALCOHOL / DRUG USE: (A+)

Penguins (2019, G)

In this 2019 release, Disneynature provides a documentary that is both educational and very funny. Following Adélie penguins in Antarctica, the film focuses on a hapless male named Steve.

As he slips and falls and struggles through the harsh weather and terrain of his home, he introduces viewers to the challenges of life on the bottom of the world (including a few scenes of predators that might frighten little ones). This film will be a hit with audiences of all ages. (Disney+, Digital on Demand)

OVERALL RATING: A

VIOLENCE: (B) LANGUAGE: (A)

SEXUAL CONTENT: (A) ALCOHOL / DRUG USE: (A)

Wall-E (2008, G)

Garbage, garbage everywhere. In fact, so much trash is covering Earth that humans have fled into space, awaiting the day that Earth will be ecologically capable of sustaining life. In the meantime, trash compacting robots roam the planet, including a big-eyed, highly curious robot named Wall-E. When he meets a robot sent from space to check on the status of the earth, he falls in love. This stunningly animated feature is some of Pixar’s best work. (Disney+, Digital on Demand)

OVERALL RATING: A-

VIOLENCE: (B-) LANGUAGE: (A)

SEXUAL CONTENT: (A­) ALCOHOL / DRUG USE: (A)

The Biggest Little Farm (2018, PG)

When John and Molly Chester buy an ecologically devastated farm just north of Los Angeles, they’re determined to restore the land with healthy farming methods and biodiversity. With the company of their rescue dog, a friendly pig named Emma, and her rooster friend, Greasy, the Chesters bring the farm back to life.

There are a few moments involving predators that might frighten young viewers; otherwise, this film is inspiring, hopeful and occasionally funny. (Hulu, Digital on Demand)

OVERALL RATING: A+

VIOLENCE: (B) LANGUAGE: (B+)

SEXUAL CONTENT: (A-­) ALCOHOL / DRUG USE: (A) April 2021 WNY Family 47

s s e n l l e W Choices Gentle and Caring Dentistry for Children & Youth Ages 1-21

Exercise During Pregnancy May Save Children From Health Problems As Adults

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E

xercise during pregnancy may enable mothers to significantly reduce their children’s chances of developing diabetes and other metabolic diseases later in life, new research suggests.

A study in lab mice has found that maternal exercise during pregnancy prevented the transmission of metabolic diseases from an obese parent — either mother or father — to child. If the finding holds true in humans, it will have “huge implications” for helping pregnant women ensure their children live the healthiest lives possible, the researchers report in a new scientific paper.

This means that one day soon, a woman’s first trip to the doctor after conceiving might include a prescription for an exercise program.

“Most of the chronic diseases that we talk about today are known to have a fetal origin. This is to say that the parents’ poor health conditions prior to and during pregnancy have negative consequences to the child, potentially through chemical modification of the genes,” said researcher Zhen Yan, a top exercise expert at the University of Virginia School of Medicine.

“We were inspired by our previous mouse research implicating that regular aerobic exercise for an obese mother before and 48 WNY Family April 2021

during pregnancy can protect the child from early onset of diabetes. In this study, we asked the questions, ‘What if an obese mother exercises only during pregnancy?

And what if the father is obese?’”

Obesity and Pregnancy Scientists have known that exercise during pregnancy helps lead to healthy babies, reducing the risk of pregnancy complications and premature delivery.

But Yan, the director of the Center for Skeletal Muscle Research at UVA’s Robert M. Berne Cardiovascular Research Center, wanted to see if the benefits continued throughout the children’s lives. And his work, both previous and new, suggests it does.

To determine that, Yan and his collaborators studied lab mice and their offspring. Some of the adult mice were fed typical mouse chow before and during pregnancy, while other were fed a high-fat, high-calorie diet to simulate obesity. Some receiving the high-fat diet before mating had access to a voluntary running wheel only during pregnancy, where they could run all they liked, while others did not, meaning they remained sedentary.

The results, they say, provide the first evidence that maternal exercise only during pregnancy can prevent the transmission of metabolic diseases from parent to child.

“The take-home message is that it is not too late to start to exercise if a mother finds herself pregnant,” Yan said. “Regular exercise will not only benefit the pregnancy and labor, but also the health of the baby for the long run.

“This is more exciting evidence that regular exercise is probably the most promising intervention that will help us deter the pandemic of chronic diseases in the aging world, as it can disrupt the vicious cycle of parents-to-child transmission of diseases.”

The researchers have published their findings in the Journal of Applied Physiology.

— Source: Provided by University of Virginia. APA citation: Exercise during pregnancy may save children from health problems as adults (March 12, 2021).

The results were striking: Both mothers and fathers in the high-fat group could predispose their offspring to metabolic disorders. In particular, male offspring of the sedentary mothers on high-fat diets were much more likely to develop high blood sugar and other metabolic problems in adulthood.

To better understand what was happening, the researchers looked at the adult offspring’s metabolism and chemical (epigenetic) modification of DNA. They found there were significant differences in metabolic health and how active certain genes were among the different groups of offspring, suggesting that the negative effects of parental obesity, although different between the father and the mother, last throughout the life of the children.

The good news is that maternal exercise only during pregnancy prevented a host of epigenetic changes that affect the workings of the offspring’s genes, the researchers found. Maternal exercise, they determined, completely blocked the negative effects of either mother’s or father’s obesity on the offspring.

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TWEENS & TEENS — by Kathryn Streeter

The Mysterious Wonderful Spring Break Trip That Never Happened Sometimes when great plans fall apart, something just as beautiful emerges

O

ur high school senior asked to fly out-of-state over spring break to visit her best friend. “With college coming, I need to say my good-byes,” she said.

She’d committed to attending college overseas and the significance of leaving friendships behind was real. We appreciated her intentional care for the good people in her life and this particular friendship was rare. After giving it some thought, we gave our permission.

Yet, I smarted with this abrupt departure from family tradition. As a tight-knit family, we’d never vacationed separately and I tingled with a bittersweet mixture of emotions. It was her last spring break before college and she wanted to do something without us. Much as I understood her desire to see her dear friend, it was enlightening that she was willing to forego a family vacation and the host of 50 WNY Family April 2021

memories and inside-jokes that would invariably be added to family lore.

This was a signal among others that she was readying herself to leave.

At her age, I knew her desire was a healthy one, this eagerness to chart her own course.

Shifting my perspective, I reflected that her separate spring break trip would be good for me. It would help me in the business of readying myself to have her gone. Soon enough, we would be a family of three, not four.

Better there were baby-sized experiences of our daughter doing things completely independent of us during the countdown months. These, I believed, would help ease the jolt of that final goodbye, suddenly coming all too fast.

The best friends texted and laid out the details for the visit while I rummaged through storage bins to pull

out ski clothing. Ski pants, jackets, goggles, socks, hats, scarves, goggles and so on. We had arranged to go skiing with our teen son and it made our daughter momentarily twitch, because she adores skiing like the rest of us.

But she accepted the trade-off. Once I got over my gloomy introspection of not having her come along, I delighted in visions of long powdery ski runs in the Rocky Mountains and afterwards, the relaxing après-ski.

With an eye on our daughter’s predawn Friday departure, I was alarmed to hear Wednesday night that she had a strange pain in her lower right abdomen. “It’s probably nothing,” she said.

With a bit of banana in her stomach, she left for school Thursday morning.

I could tell she was pushing herself and wasn’t surprised to get her text to please pick her up at noon. I anxiously watched her head straight to bed and frantically googled “lower right abdomen.” I checked on her repeatedly and with every query, she felt less sure about how her stomach felt, whereas she was certain of absolute exhaustion.

Late that night my husband and I talked about the next 24-hours. If she woke up sick and was unable to travel, she wouldn’t be going to visit her friend and I wouldn’t be going skiing.

Mother-daughter would have a staycation. Spring break would be turned upside-down.

She emerged ready to go early Friday but couldn’t drink her tea, let alone eat anything. Visibly wobbly, she admitted that her stomach pains persisted. With some teary discussion, we cancelled her flight.

“She’s not supposed to take this trip,” my husband said. I agreed.

Something outside of our control was going on. After calmly cancelling her flight, we cancelled mine to Colorado. I wasn’t going skiing after all. I was staying home to nurse my senior daughter.

She joined us, composed. Inexplicably, her symptoms had vanished and she felt well. Additionally, she peace-

fully accepted the blunt reversal of plans so long in the making. Later, the doctor at urgent care could find nothing wrong with her.

The entire sequence of events left me confused. I wondered if our spring break had been needlessly ruined. This thought dogged me as I unpacked my suitcase, preparing to stay home with my-daughter-who-wasn’t-sick. As the days of spring break passed, I realized that what I considered a misfortune for both of us was actually a blessing because it opened up a glorious week alone as mother-daughter.

Lazy mornings, shopping and catching up on some girl movies rounded out our comfortable days together. Neither of us pined over what we were missing out on, but instead enjoyed what was in front of us. Our time together was so relaxing that it was easy to forget I was chilling with my daughter. Instead, it felt like we were hanging out as old friends.

Finding a rational explanation for the experience was impossible and unimportant, in fact. College will soon take her away. No one can take away the memories we made from our week together.

Kathryn Streeter’s work can be found in publications including AARP, The Washington Post and The Week. Published originally on Grown & Flown.

April 2021 WNY Family 51

GET YOUR KIDS OUTSIDE TO PLAY continued... and we put them back where we found them,” Crutchfield says. “They understand the idea of leave no trace. They pick up garbage when we are on hikes and can spot a piece of garbage 100 yards away. I was so proud last summer when both kids finished a week-long camp and both earned ‘Most Connected to the Environment’ award within their camp troops.”

Enhances Mindfulness Time spent in nature grounds us in the present moment giving us space free of distractions where we can focus on the sights, sounds and smells surrounding us. Even if your child is reluctant, gently coax them out the door to explore a nearby trail or simply relax in the sunshine with you.

“They don’t know that it’s going to be good for them,” Daniels says. “They go around with technology bombarding them all of the time, and they forget who they are. They forget that they came from the earth, and they’re going back to the earth. You are part of everything. You’re part of the forest. You’re part of nature. It’s part of you.”

Christa Melnyk Hines is a nationally published freelance writer. As the mother of two boys, she knows first-hand how time spent running outside can be transformative to how well her family sleeps and manages stress.

Ideas for Outdoor Play Backyard campouts • Star gazing Picking and pressing flowers Geocaching • Photo scavenger hunt Nature hikes (don’t forget water, snacks, sunscreen and bug repellent) Fly kites • Hula hoop • Bike rides Plant a garden • Go on a picnic Explore a new park or playground

Ideas for Play Materials Sheer curtains • Planks • Empty baskets Trays • Buckets • Pulleys • String Age-appropriate tools Loose parts • Old kitchenware — Source: Angela Hanscom

52 WNY Family April 2021

SINGLE PARENTING — by Diane C. Dierks, LMFT

Do Kids Need to Know the Truth?

W

hen parents first inform their children that a divorce is happening, the first question kids ask is “Why?” Most parents don’t know how to respond since they know instinctually that it’s not a good idea to go into the blame game with the kids, however, some parents think it is vitally important that kids are told the “truth.”

This is the case especially when one parent doesn’t want the divorce or thinks the other parent gave up too soon. The victim often does not want the children to think that divorce is an acceptable solution to marital problems. Also, when there is an obvious indiscretion such as an affair, the parent who was betrayed often feels the kids need to know whose fault it is that a divorce is inevitible.

Drawing on research about child development and how ALL kids feel about their connection with both of their parents, it is never a good idea to put kids in a position where they feel they have to choose one parent over the other, decide on who is telling the truth, or love one parent to the exclusion of the other.

Having to evaluate a parent’s goodness only serves to cause children to evaluate themselves negatively and puts them in great distress about the two most important relationships they have — those with their parents. So, how do you answer the question “Why?” First of all, it is important to acknowledge to yourself that regardless of whatever happened at the end of the marriage, it is likely that the relationship was broken in many other ways before the final straw ended it all. Children (even teenagers) cannot think like adults because they do not have the emotional or physiological capacity, nor do they have

the life experience to truly understand the complexities of an adult relationship. Therefore, when parents try to talk to their kids as if they might understand how a marriage fell apart, it falls on deaf ears and only serves to cause the child to evaluate his or her parents from a personal point of view.

They may think, if this is mom’s fault and she is a bad person, then since everyone tells me I am like my mom, I must be bad, too. Or, if dad did something bad to break up the family, I must not be good enough for him to do the right things. Kids ALWAYS filter information through the “me” place because they are not adults and do not know how to see life from a mature or objecive point of view.

Secondly, it is important to acknowledge that there are always two sides to the story — there are ALWAYS two truths. Adults get very connected to their stories in order to survive the extreme emotions of divorce. Most parents, after they are done grieving, are willing to admit that their divorce stories were somewhat embellished and one-sided. So, yes, kids need to know the truth and the only real truth is that there are two truths!

Parents should explain to the kids that a divorce is going to happen and that neither of you got married thinking that it would end in divorce. You are both sad that it has to happen this way.

Next, tell the children that the two of you do not exactly agree on why this is happening — that there are two sides to the story and that if you were to begin telling your side, it would force them into feeling like they had to take a side or judge someone — which would be grossly unfair to them.

So, refrain from telling either story.

Instead, let the kids know that they have permission to love both of you and that you, as the adults, intend to handle the issues of the divorce and they only have to be concerned with being kids.

Children, especially teens, will often press and still want to know “the story,” however, in your parental wisdom, you know it will only force them into a judgment about one parent or the other, which is likely to affect how they view their relationship with that parent, and ultimately, how they view themselves.

Help them to understand that just as it is important for you to protect them from watching an R-rated movie, for example, you must also protect them from information about the divorce that would only serve to cause them pain. Refrain from your truth and tell the real truth — that there are two truths!

Diane C. Dierks is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Atlanta, Georgia. She is also author of The Co-Parent Toolbox (2014 Aha! Publishing) and Solo Parenting: Raising Strong & Happy Families (1997 Fairview Press). For more information visit her website is www.dianedierks.com.

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1333 Strad Avenue • North Tonawanda 695-1248 • www.niagaraclimbingcenter.com April 2021 WNY Family 53

Special Advertising Section

SUMMER SWIM CAMPS!

Become amer Super-Swim Ask about our competitive team and our “Your Pool, Our School” backyard pool lesson program!

Tuesday - Thursday 12:30pm to 2:30pm

July through August • 9am-1pm

• Learn basic riding skills • Safety rules around horses • Horse care • Saddlery • Basic first aid

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SWIM LESSONS Offered 7 Days A Week 90 Degree Water • 4:1 Ratio Adaptive Swim Lessons

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CALL OR VISIT OUR WEBSITE FOR MORE INFORMATION.

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HORSE CAMP at Skibbereen Farm

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Official School of the Greater Buffalo Youth Ballet

Cost: $325/Session

Registration Form Online

Skibbereen Farm

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www.skibbereenfarm.com • 648-1908

GEAR UP FOR FUN!

am p C a j n i N Summer SESSIONS BEGIN

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August Pirates & Princess CAMP August 16 - 20, 2021

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RESERVE YOUR SPOT NOW! 835-3585 or 796-9102 | www.rabanddance.com 54 WNY Family April 2021

July 5th and run through August 27th Weeks alternate between ages 6-8 & 9-12.

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Award Winning Academy of Theatre Arts 2021 Summer Programs at the ATA Theatre

Summer programs provide students with the opportunity to learn and perform in a full-blown musical in just 1-2 short weeks. While younger students begin by learning about public speaking and how to feel comfortable on stage, older students learn about all aspects of a theatrical production: what it takes to put on a musical not only on stage but off stage as well. Offering 7 weeks of Covid-19 safe summer camps!

Our summer camps sell out very quickly, so sign up today!

Call 51 05 1 8 0 -day! to

www.academyoftheatrearts.com

Broadway at ATA (Ages 12 and up) - $450

You don’t want to miss this fun and exciting program here at ATA! This camp, strictly for older theatre performers, will consist of intensive voice, theatre and dance workshops. We also put a focus on public speaking, team building and problem solving during this camp; skills the students can use throughout their lives! Students will learn what it takes to put on a musical not only on stage but off stage as well. Students will audition and be cast in the full musical production of “Mamma Mia”!

SESSION A: July 5th-July 16th - Monday-Friday 9:00am-4:00pm

Onstage at ATA

(Ages 9-11) & (Ages 12 & up Section) $450

This camp, for our middle school students, will consist of voice, theatre and dance workshops. We also put a focus on public speaking, team building and problem solving during this camp; skills the students can use throughout their lives! Throughout the two weeks students will also create their own musical as a team from the set, costumes, and musical numbers. Students will learn what it takes to put on a musical not only on stage but off stage as well. Students will audition and be cast in the full musical production of “Disney’s Beauty and the Beast Jr.”

SESSION B: July 19th-July 30th - Monday-Friday 9:00am-4:00pm SESSION B-1 for Ages 12 & up section of “Beauty and the Beast Jr.”!

(12:00-4:00pm $200)

*Email If you would like FULL DAY camp option for “Beauty and the Beast Jr.” Ages 12 & up

Catch a Rising Star (Ages 5-9) - $225

This popular one-week camp will allow you to be part of a fun-filled production of “Disney’s Beauty and the Beast Jr.”. Join us for a week of singing, dancing and making new friends! In just one short week, students will learn lines, musical numbers and important team building skills. During this one week, we place an emphasis on public speaking and being comfortable stepping out of your comfort zone!

Monday-Friday ~ 9:00am-3:00pm

SESSION C: August 2nd-6th SESSION D: August 9th-13th SESSION E: August 16th-20th

Broadway Babies (Ages 3-4*) - $150

Students work on public speaking and confidence on stage through dramatic play and story telling. At the end of the week students put on a dramatic reading of a story book!

SESSION F: August 9th-13th ~ 9:00am-12:00pm (snack provided) *MUST BE POTTY TRAINED.

4231 Transit Road, Williamsville, NY 14221

To register or for more information please visit www.academyoftheatrearts.com/ summer-at-ata/ or call 716-810-0551 April 2021 WNY Family 55

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Summer 2021

OVERNIGHT CAMPING FOR BOYS AND GIRLS AGES 7-16

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Summer Camp Re-Opening Guidelines

This is not an “ordinary” year for summer camps. The usual questions about camper to staff ratios, whether snacks are provided or campers bring their own, or if there are extra fees for field trips are not the most important concerns in a season when parents will still worry about COVID-19.

The good news is that the American Camping Association has released a study showing that out of 486 camps, including sleep away camps, serving 90,000 campers in 2020, there were only 30 campers who had confirmed cases of COVID-19.

The CDC has issued guidelines for youth and summer camps to help keep campers and staff safe. Their guidelines offer suggestions for ways in which camp administrators can help protect campers, staff, and communities, and prevent the spread of COVID-19. Camp administrators can determine, in collaboration with state and local health officials, whether and how to implement these considerations, making adjustments to meet the unique needs and circumstances of the local community. Implementation should be guided by what is feasible, practical, acceptable, and tailored to the needs of each community.

According to the CDC, the more people a camper or staff member interacts with, and the longer that interaction, the higher the risk of COVID-19 spread. The lowest risk of COVID-19 spread in youth camp settings exists when Small groups of campers stay together all day, each day. Campers remain at least 6 feet apart and do not share objects. Outdoor activities are prioritized. All campers are from the local geographic area (e.g., city, town, county, community).

According to New York State guidelines, groups of no more than 15 children are recommended. At the time this article is being written, only day camps (NO overnight camps) are permitted to open in New York State.

The CDC discourages sharing of items that are difficult to clean, sanitize, or disinfect. Each camper’s belongings should be separated from others’ and in individually labeled containers, cubbies, or areas.

Adequate supplies should be available to minimize sharing of hightouch materials to the extent possible (e.g., assign art supplies or other equipment to a single camper) or limit use of supplies and equipment to one group of campers at a time and clean and disinfect between use. Avoid sharing electronic devices, toys, books, and other games or learning aids.

It is recommended that shared spaces such as dining halls and playgrounds with shared playground equipment, be closed if possible; otherwise stagger use and clean and disinfect between use.

Campers should bring their own meals as feasible, and eat in separate areas or with their smaller group, instead of in a communal dining hall or cafeteria. Disposable utensils and dishes should be used if possible. If food is offered at any event, it should be pre-packaged in boxes or bags for each attendee instead of a buffet or family-style meal.

Obviously, all of the preventive measures we have learned as a general population are also important — hand washing, respiratory etiquette (covering of coughs and sneezes with a tissue and washing hands afterwards), wearing of masks, and staying home if feeling sick, etc.

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SUMMER DANCE CAMPS and CLASSES for ALL AGES

Weekly Sessions Beginning July 5th, 2021

Storybook Dance Camp ~ Ages 3-6 Ballet Mini Intensives ~ Ages 7+ Musical Theatre Camps ~ Ages 7+

BALLET INTENSIVE WORKSHOP August 9-13 and 16-20 (One or Both Weeks) Beginning, Intermediate and Advanced Levels (Two years prior training required)

Contact us now for more information

Phone: 716-204-8192

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All of the CDC guidelines issued thus far can be found at: https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/community/schoolschildcare/summer-camps.html Detailed statewide guidelines for childcare and day camps can be downloaded at: https://forward.ny.gov/statewide-guidelines April 2021 WNY Family 57

CENTER STAGE DANCE STUDIO - Certified member of Dance Educators of America -

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July 26th – 30th August 16th – 20th

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four seasons summer Camp at 9 Mile Island

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FOUR SEASONS CHILDCARE CENTER & PRESCHOOL

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David De Marie Dance ~ Summer 2021 ~

Tots-Kinder Fairytale Dance Camp 4 week camp ~ morning or evening option

4837 Union Rd., Cheektowaga (Near Cleveland Dr.)

★ 634-3395 ★ www.csds.dance “Special things happen when children and horses are brought together”

Buffalo Equestrian Center Sign Up Now for

AM CAMP:

Wednesday: July 7,14, 21, 28 18mo-2.5 y/o 9-9:45 2.5-3 y/o 9:45-10:30 4-5 y/o 10:30-11:15

$50/4 Week Camp Register Online Today!

Space is Limited

Saturday: July 10, 17, 24, 31 2.5-3 y/o 10-10:45

PM CAMP:

Tuesday: July 6, 13, 20, 27 18mo-2.5 y/o 4:30-5:15 4-5 y/o 6:00-6:45 Parents may participate in the 18mo-2.5 age groups

All CDC safety guidelines will be evaluated and enforced

daviddemarie.com • 716.510.2531 • 10151 Main St. Clarence, NY 58 WNY Family April 2021

2021 SUMMER CAMP 4 Weekly Sessions 7-12 YEAR-OLD CAMP: July 20-23; July 27-30; August 3-6

5 & 6 YEAR-OLD CAMP: August 10-13

English Riding lessons year–round in our Indoor/outdoor facilities Ages 5-Adult

Call for more info: 716.877.9295 www.buffaloequestriancenter.org 950 Amherst Street, Buffalo, NY 14216 Email: becandbtrc@aol.com

SUMMER@SEM Summer Literacy Tutoring

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LEARN-TO-SAIL LEARN-TO-ROW & Learn-to-Golf (NEW!) FASHION LAB Coding & Games High School Orientation

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SUMMER@SEM June 28-Aug. 13 SUMMER@SEM Junior June 21-25 A special week for entering 4th & 5th graders

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Full Day and Half Day Sessions Available for July and August!

Come try a new sport!

Register online at WSRC.org or call 716-881-9797

Experienced Dance June 28-July 2

Speed & Agility June 28-July 2

Football Clinic June 29-July 1

Beginner Dance July 6-9

Mural Making July 6-9

Theatre: Ages 7-12 July 12-30

All-Sports All-Stars July 12-16

Stretch and Acrobatics July 12-16

Wild World!

July 19-23

Creative Writing July 19-23

Cheerleading Clinic July 24 & 31

Theatre: Ages 11-18 August 2-20

HSPT Prep Course August 2-6

Math with Meaning August 2-6

Instrumental Music August 2-6

Boys Basketball Clinic August 6 & 7

Cardinal O’Hara High School Summer Camps and Clinics

For students in Grades 5-8 716-695-2600 • 39 O’Hara Rd., Tonawanda, NY 14150 April 2021 WNY Family 59

RAISING DIGITAL KIDS continued... creative parents can come up with some socially distant activities. Renting a movie theater for a private group made up of your family and a few friends is a phenomenal (and economical) option. You could consider taking your crew to the library, a museum, or aquarium. The goal is to get the kids into an environment where they can experience the real world and interact with it. You know your threshold for exposure, so plan accordingly.

Ease Into It — As mentioned above, the ideal disconnect would last three to five days. Starting your digital detox with that goal in mind may be perceived as a major shock to your environment. It does not have to be though. Start small by limiting usage during dinner time a few nights a week. If your busy schedule prevents family meal times, look for other opportunities to restrict tech usage for an hour or two. Parents should consider using this strategy for a week or two before pulling the plug for several days in a row. The whole family has been using tech much more than usual for over a year so go slow.

Be Prepared — Teens and young adults often struggle to make smart decisions when it comes to technology use. A digital disconnect can quickly bring out some sneaky behaviors as kids try to find a way to beat the system. You may need to go as far as to change the Wifi password or use an app to prevent your children’s devices from connecting to the internet.

OUTCOMES Children who have taken part in a digital detox reported that they appreciated the disconnect once they got past the initial smartphone withdrawal. Teens said they felt happier, slept better, were more relaxed, and could be more focused during the downtime. Additionally, kids interacted with their friends in a face-to-face setting more often when virtual communication was not an option. The reality is that most teens will go right back to their old ways when given the opportunity. Don’t get too frustrated by that though. Social media is a mainstay of how Generation Z communicates and interacts with the world.

The goal of this disconnect is to make your kids aware of how technology can change your thinking, mood, and behaviors. Use this as an opportunity to reestablish norms for what is and is not acceptable in terms of screen time. Lastly, don’t forget to take a few minutes to reflect as a group before you return them to their digital devices.

Mike Daugherty is a husband, father of three young children, author, speaker, Google Innovator, and possible Starbucks addict.

He is a certified educational technology leader who has served in a variety of roles through his twenty-year career in public education. Currently, Mike is the Director of Technology for the Chagrin Falls Exempted Village School district in Northeast Ohio. As an IT director he has developed creative, well thought out solutions that positively impact teaching and learning.

60 WNY Family April 2021

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Apple Cider Syrup

H

Free of: DAIRY, EGGS, SOY, PEANUTS, TREE NUTS, WHEAT, FISH, SHELLFISH, and GLUTEN

am dinner is an Easter tradition for many families.

While ham is easy to cook, there are a few things to watch for. Cook it too long, it turns out dry. Some varieties are too salty, others are too sweet if you use the pre-packaged glazes they come with. Another challenge when you are serving a crowd is oven space. Ham takes up room and is best heated low and slow; the meat is already cooked, it just needs to be properly warmed. Low heat means juggling other items that need baking at a higher temperature. That’s when a slow cooker or crock pot comes in handy.

The low, slow heat of the slow cooker is perfect for warming ham. Adding apple cider enriches the flavor and has the added benefit of pulling out some of the salt. Served with a light apple cider syrup and sweet potatoes, this ham is kid pleasing and so easy. Have a very blessed Happy Easter!

A few tips:  Be sure the ham is a cooked one for this recipe.  Spiral sliced hams save time and are the perfect thickness for making sandwiches with leftovers.  Choose sweet potatoes that are close in size for even cooking.

If you have any questions about our column, e-mail Kathy at allergy@roadrunner.com. For further information about food allergies, contact FARE www.foodallergy.org, or call 1-800-929-4040.

Kathy Lundquist is a Western New York parent whose son, now an adult, was born with severe food allergies.

Over more than two decades, she has worked tirelessly, in a variety of capacities to increase community awareness about food allergies.

62 WNY Family April 2021

Yield: 2 cups Prep Time: 5 minutes Cook Time: 15-20 minutes 4 cups apple cider 1/2 cup brown sugar 2-3 cinnamon sticks (optional)

Slow Cooker Ham Free of: DAIRY, EGGS, SOY, PEANUTS, TREE NUTS, WHEAT, FISH, SHELLFISH, and GLUTEN Yield: 2-3 servings per pound, 12-18 servings Prep Time: 5 minutes Cook Time: 3-4 hours 1/2 bone-in ham average 6-8 pounds (precooked, can be spiral sliced) 2 cups apple cider Place ham in a large crock pot, trimming if necessary to make it fit. Add apple cider. Cover and turn on low setting for 3-4 hours, heating it, since the meat is already cooked.

If you don’t have a large crock pot, you can heat the ham in the oven – low, slow heat will yield the best results. Heat in a 250° degree oven, in a covered roasting pan, or on a low heat on the stovetop in a tightly covered pan for a few hours, until heated through, about 10 minutes per pound. Discard the cooked apple cider as it will be too salty.

Leftovers can be refrigerated for about 3-4 days, or frozen and reheated.

Place all ingredients in a saucepan. Bring to a boil, stirring. Cook over medium heat, stirring frequently until reduced to half, around 2 cups. Takes about 15-20 minutes. Remove cinnamon sticks, let sit a few minutes. Syrup will thicken as it cools. Double or triple for more servings.

Mashed Sweet Potatoes

Free of: DAIRY, EGGS, SOY, PEANUTS, TREE NUTS, WHEAT, FISH, SHELLFISH, and GLUTEN Yield: 8 servings, 1 sweet potato per serving Prep Time: 10 minutes Cook Time: 60 minutes 8 sweet potatoes Optional: brown sugar, cinnamon, maple syrup, vegan margarine Preheat oven to 375°. Rinse and dry sweet potatoes. Place on foil-lined pan.

Bake at 375° for about an hour, or when a fork easily pierces the skin. Remove from the oven, let sit for about 10 minutes. Carefully peel off the skins and place potatoes in a large bowl and mash.

Serve with your choice of seasonings: brown sugar, maple syrup, cinnamon, vegan margarine.

THE KIDDIE GOURMET — by Barbara Blackburn

Natalie’s is one of the leading Mediterranean restaurants in Western New York along with Rachel’s, which we reviewed a while ago. Since I spend many hours in our kitchen — by choice — I prefer to be served in a restaurant. However, variety is the spice of life, so ordering at the counter is more than tolerable when the food is spiced with the fantastic flavors of the Middle East.

Natalie’s Mediterranean Eatery

and hearing his history increased my respect for the history behind this fare.

From the Starters, as was the Spanakopita, we selected Grape Leaves 716-446-9715 ($7.99). The leaves were natalieseatery.com stuffed with rice, tomatoes, ~ SPOONS ~ and parsley and steamed in a Lemon-Olive Oil. FOOD 4/5 Yummy! A vegetarian can do well here. Some of the best choices are vegetarSERVICE 4/5 ian, such as the Hummus, ground chickpeas, garlic, FAMILY The Kids’ Menu oflemon, and tahini, served FRIENDLY 3.5/5 fers three choices, but the with a pita, ranging in price prices are a bit higher than depending on size from most kids’ menus. They $6.99 to $19.99. Call this are Chicken Fingers, with a vegan sesame seed paste.

French fries ($10.99), Cheese Burger Our grandkids all love it. with fries, and Grilled Cheese with fries Natalie’s hasn’t forgotten the car($9.99). I can say that the fries are quite nivores by any means. Check out the good. As a side, they are $1.99 or $3.99.

Chicken or Beef Souvlaki Pita ($9.99) There are also the Greek French Fries or the Kafta Wrap ($9.99), under Wraps ($5.99), seasoned with Mediterranean and Pitas. Under the Mediterranean spices. Special seating for kids is availCombo Plates you’ll find, among many able, but no entertainment. choices, including the Steak Kabob and 807 ½ Millersport Highway (Grover Cleveland Plaza) Amherst, NY 14226

Grandpa liked his Spanakopita ($7.99). In this Greek spinach pie lots of flavors played together in a culinary symphony. Layers of phyllo dough were stuffed with spinach, egg, feta cheese and onions and then baked.

Since I tasted my first falafel countless years ago in Israel, they have been on my culinary hit parade. Ground chickpeas and spices were deep-fried then wrapped in a pita with lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, and homemade tahini sauce ($9.99). There is also a Falafel Wrap Combo Plate ($12.99) that includes a side or two for $13.99 and 3 for $l4.99. Sides are Tabouli, Hummus, Rice, Grape Leaves, Greek Salad, Fries, Mac Salad or Cole Slaw. As for the falafels, I like mine golden brown; these were blackened. I guess some people like them that way.

Talking to our jovial server/proprietor spiced up the fare even more

THE FAMILY PET continued... day is worse, and tomorrow looks even poorer, you need to ask yourself, “Why am I putting my beloved pet and myself through this?”

Informal surveys indicate that about 80% of pet owners wish they had chosen euthanasia sooner. Remember your veterinarian is available to help you and your family through this very difficult and sad time. They can walk you through what to expect, answer any questions you have, let you decide if you want to be with your pet during the final moments, want to have the body returned to you or prefer cremation, and so forth.

Remember the good times you had with your pet and know that you did everything you could to provide them a wonderful life. Euthanasia is often the last kindest thing we can do for our beloved pets.

The Niagara Frontier Veterinary Society consists of more than 75 small animal hospitals and 200 veterinarians in Erie and Niagara counties. Learn more at www.nfveterinarysociety.org

the Beef Shawarma Wrap, priced. between $13.00 and $15.00, depending on the number of sides. For the pescatarians, there’s even a fish fry ($12.99).

Also, for dessert the two standby favorites are Baklava Slices ($2.99) and Rice Pudding ($3.99).

For the All American taste buds, Natalie’s cooks up burger and sandwiches. As for us, we would rather feast on the flavors of Syria, Lebanon, Turkey, and Greece. Whatever your taste, you can also choose another location downtown. You can sit down there or do delivery in both locations. Natalie’s motto is “Where everything is homemade.” According to Ancestry.com, I have Middle Eastern ancestors, who probably cooked from scratch — just like Natalie’s.

Check out Barbara Blackburn’s blogs at frontierfare.wordpress.com and culinarrations.wordpress.com.

April 2021 WNY Family 63

64 WNY Family April 2021