July 2020

VOLUME 37, #5 JULY 2020

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Don’t Let COVID-19 Hamper Your

VACATION Introducing Our New

Fatherhood Columnist

How Junk Food Shapes the Developing Teenage Brain INSIDE: Healthy

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2 WNY Family July 2020

July 2020 • Volume 37 • Issue 5

EDITOR & PUBLISHER Michele Miller GENERAL MANAGER Paul Kline SALES REPRESENTATIVES Jennifer Staebell Paul Kline GRAPHIC DESIGNERS Karen Wawszczyk Melanie Schroeder CONTRIBUTORS Barbara Blackburn • Donna Phillips Richard De Fino • Deborah Williams Kathy Lundquist • Myrna Beth Haskell Mike Daugherty

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Where It’s At! Travel & Vacation!

Features: Don’t Let Covid-19 Hamper Your Vacation: Enjoy These Staycation Ideas Instead

by Kimberly Blaker

6n

10 n

2020’s Family Patriotic Holiday

by Tania Cowling

12 n

Building Up STEAM: 35 Easy Tips to Try This Summer

by Janeen Lewis

HEALTHY CHILD, HEALTHY FAMILY

A Special Pull-Out Section 17 n

• How to Prevent Your Kids From Becoming Stressed • How Parents of Allergic Kids Can Support Non-Allergic Siblings’ Mental Health • How Healthy Are Your Child’s Eyes?

• A Surprising Benefit of Outdoor Play: Improved Eyesight for Kids • The Diet Dilemma: Protecting Kids from Diet Culture • How Junk Food Shapes the Developing Teenage Brain • Raising Healthy, Happy Kids in a World of Noise

Directories:

36 n Choosing Childcare 44 n Summer Camps 47 n Let’s Party

Regulars: 5 n Web Finds / What’s New In The Kid Biz 8 n Family Travel Seeking a Desperately Needed Vacation!

by Deborah Williams 14 n Raising Digital Kids Digital Dreams

by Mike Daugherty 16 n Pick of the Literature

by Dr. Donna Phillips 33 n Dear Teacher

by Peggy Gisler & Marge Eberts 34 n Journey Into Fatherhood

by Richard De Fino 35 n Parent Previews Trolls World Tour

by Kirsten Hawkes 38 n Special Needs Special Needs and Pets

by Julia Garstecki 40 n Tweens and Teens Encouraging Leadership Qualities in Teens

by Myrna Beth Haskell 42 n Single Parenting Parenting 2020: Part 3 of 3

by Diane Dierks, LMFT 46 n The Kid Friendly Kitchen Waffle & Graham Cracker Flags

by Kathy Lundquist 47 n The Kiddie Gourmet Mighty Taco / Zahz Pizza

by Barbara Blackburn

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• Nationally Award Winning Academy of Theatre Arts and The ATA Performing Arts Center is the only year-round full time theatre venue in Western New York created and designed solely for the development and training of children and young adults in the genres of acting, vocal performance and musical theatre dance. Dedicated to enriching young lives dramatically, ATA provides an extensive year-long venue, as well as our extremely popular summer camp program, for anyone between the ages of 3 and 18 who has an interest and passion for theatre arts.

• Not only does our Award Winning program excel in theatrical training, but with a generation now losing those communication skills needed to succeed in life, ATA uses theatre as a platform to teach and promote excellence in public speaking, self esteem, confidence and personal skills.

web.finds With online schoolwork no longer occupying kids’ time and New York State still reopening gradually so that many summer activities, events, and festivals are cancelled, the job of keeping children occupied this summer won’t be an easy one. Instead of increasing screen time by relying on virtual experiences, how about taking a step back in time to try out outdoor games that have kept previous generations of kids happy!

HOPSCOTCH

Use some sidewalk chalk and draw a hopscotch grid on the driveway or sidewalk. Number the squares from one to nine. Each player finds a flat rock, a bean bag, or even a short stick wound with some colored yarn that is good for tossing as a marker. The first player tosses his marker into Square 1. Hop over the marker and hop with a single foot or both feet (to follow the hopscotch pattern) all the way to the end. Turn around and come back, stopping on Square 2. Balancing on one foot, pick up marker in Square 1 and hop over Square 1 to the start. Continue this pattern with Square 2. And so on. If you toss your marker and miss the correct square, your turn is over. This game can be played with any number of people, but only one person can go at a time.

SIMON SAYS

This game can be played indoors or out. One person is Simon and starts by saying, “Simon says, [insert action here].” For example, “Simon Says, “Touch your toes.” Everyone must then do the action. However, if Simon makes an action request without saying, “Simon says” to begin the request, anyone who does that action is out. The last person still playing in the end wins and will be Simon for the next round. No special equipment is needed. For some great ideas on actions for Simon to use, visit https://empoweredparents.co/simon-says-ideas/

JACKS

This game can be played on any flat surface, indoors or out.

The player scatters the jacks on the playing surface, often by just tossing them out of one hand, as if rolling dice.

A small ball is then tossed up, is allowed to bounce once, and is caught before the second bounce. The player tries to scoop up jacks and catch the ball with one hand before the ball’s second bounce. The number of jacks to be picked up goes in order. First you pick up one (“onesies”), then two (“twosies”), then three and so on. You can purchase a set of jacks with a ball on Amazon.

CHINESE JUMP ROPE

This game requires three people. Two people put their feet inside the jump rope and stretch them out, standing with their feet far enough apart so that the third person can jump between the ropes in a certain pattern. The jumper faces one of the people holding the rope and jumps in a pattern of left, right, inside, outside, and on the ropes. What pattern you use is up to you — make up your own routine — but all the players should take a turn using the same one. The game is started with the rope around the ankles. Once the jumper does the jump correctly, the rope is moved up to the calves. Then to the knees. Once you miss, it is someone else’s turn. Watch a video to see how it’s done https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kL5EpNad9Jc. You can purchase a Chinese jump rope online or make your own with colored rubber bands. This video shows how: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHPrZG1MxmI

What’s New...

IN THE KIDBIZ U.S. APPROVES FIRST “DIGITAL THERAPEUTIC” GAME FOR ADHD US health officials have approved the first game-based treatment for children with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, part of a trend toward “digital therapeutics” or software to address certain conditions.

The Food and Drug Administration said on June 15, 2020 it approved the sale by prescription of the game EndeavorRX from health tech startup Akili Interactive for children aged 8-12 who have been diagnosed with ADHD. The game, designed to improve cognitive function, is designed as part of a program that may also include other kinds of therapy, medication, and educational programs.

“The EndeavorRx device offers a non-drug option for improving symptoms associated with ADHD in children and is an important example of the growing field of digital therapy and digital therapeutics,” said Jeffrey Shuren, director of the FDA Center for Devices and Radiological Health.

EndeavorRX allows children to control cartoon-like characters on a type of hoverboard and is designed to target and activate neural systems through sensory stimuli and motor challenges to improve cognitive functioning.

“We’re proud to make history today with FDA’s decision,” said Eddie Martucci, chief executive officer of Akili.

“With EndeavorRx, we’re using technology to help treat a condition in an entirely new way as we directly target neurological function through medicine that feels like entertainment.”

The approval of EndeavorRx followed studies of some 600 children diagnosed with ADHD. The company said the research found that after four weeks of EndeavorRx treatment, onethird of children no longer had a measurable attention deficit on at least one measure of objective attention and that about half of parents saw a meaningful change in their child’s day-to-day impairments after one month of treatment with EndeavorRx. To learn more visit https://www.akiliinteractive.com.

July 2020 WNY Family 5

Don’t Let COVID-19 Hamper Your Vacation:

Enjoy These Staycation Ideas Instead — by Kimberly Blaker

A

cluding tents, trailers, RVs, cabins, yurts and cottages — are now being accepted.

Reservations are expected to fill quickly.

Reservations can be made in advance by calling toll free 1-800-456-CAMP or http://newyorkstateparks.reserveamerica. com. Online reservations are encouraged.

You must have a reservation to camp. No walk-up camping stays will be accepted.

For current updates on park status, visit https://parks.ny.gov/covid19/

Camp Out or Build A Fort

Is there a particular time or place you’d love to travel to? In books, the universe is the limit. You can visit imaginary places such as Treasure Island and enter its world of pirates or go to Hogwarts with Harry Potter. You could also experience growing up in Kabul in The Kite Runner. If you have ever wanted to live in Denmark, pick up a copy of We, The Drowned. How about living with chimps? Try Next of Kin by Roger Fouts.

Want to visit Africa? Read Dark Star Safari. For a family vacation, decorate and dress up, cook special foods, and plan activities to match the theme of the book.

Read part, or all, of it together, or watch a movie based on the book.

Also, plan and cook a special camping meal, and don’t forget to roast marshmallows for yummy s’mores. Check the Internet for campout recipes like these https://50campfires.com/19-fun-camping-meals-for-kids-that-will-have-thembegging-for-more/ While you’re camping out, tell spooky stories and play games. And don’t forget about stargazing. Just download a phone app that tells you which stars or planets you’re looking at. If you’re camping indoors, use a star-gazing machine that projects on the ceiling.

At the time this article is being written, New York State Park campsites, cabins and cottages are currently open only to those with existing reservations. New reservations for all available sites — in6 WNY Family July 2020

Take A Trip Around the World

If you’d like to travel to a different country or a particular place, have a theme day or week. You could even travel the world and tour a different area each night. Just don’t forget your (homemade) passports.

vacation is a great way to escape the monotony and responsibilities of everyday life and to have fun, explore new places, and try new things. Unfortunately traveling for vacation isn’t always realistic if money’s tight, you have time restrictions, or in unusual circumstances such as stay-at-home orders during a pandemic.

Despite such obstacles, there are plenty of ways to enjoy a refreshing break and memorable staycation.

Who says you have to head to the mountains to camp out? You can easily recreate the camping experience in your own backyard (or living room, if you prefer). Just pitch a tent or make a blanket fort using a clothesline and stakes. Grab lots of pillows and blankets to make it cozy! Build a campfire in a fire pit or fireplace. If that isn’t an option, light a few big candles for ambiance.

line search. Make up a few fun carnival games, and don’t forget to pick up some prizes. Have everyone dress like they’re going to the park. Then watch YouTube videos of your theme park’s favorite rides, shows, and fireworks for a more authentic experience.

Travel Into A Book

Enjoy Theme Park Magic at Home

Visit your favorite theme park without ever leaving home. Draw or print pictures from your computer and hang them indoors and outdoors to create the theme park atmosphere. Make some of your favorite themed foods like Disneyland’s churros, beignets, or dole whip. Disney offers many of its official recipes online (https://disneyparks.disney.go.com/blog/ topics/disney-recipes/). You can also find recreated recipes with a quick on-

To prepare for this staycation, learn about the place and the culture, and research what unique things there are to do, see or eat. Print out pictures of the location you choose and the landmarks you’d like to see. Research the type of regional or international eats you’d find there.

Then prepare one, or even a day’s worth of meals, snacks, and beverages to bring the experience to life. Or order carryout from a local restaurant that serves the fare.

Don’t forget to play the music that’s traditional to your area of travel. Also, learn a new game that’s popular there, flip through tour books, and watch travel videos or movies that were filmed there.

Lap Up Luxury with a Spa Day

A home-spa day is a perfect way to enjoy the benefits of a vacation while staying at home. If you have kids, involve them, or have another adult be in charge so you can have some time to yourself.

Put on a soft robe and slippers, then draw a bath with all the works for a mani, pedi, facial, and hair treatment. Add to the ambiance by creating a steam room with the shower. Then light candles, play relaxing music, do massages, or try aromatherapy.

Incorporate whatever helps you relax and feel refreshed. This might be a perfect way to spend a rainy day at home!

A Day at the Water Park

Recreating a water park experience is a fun and easy way to enjoy a staycation in the heat. If you have a pool, add some water toys and games. If you don’t have a pool, fill up baby or splash pools.

Some come with fun features like a blowup slide or an attached bounce house depending on your budget and space.

Slip-n-slides and sprinklers are another fun way to spend hours running around

getting wet. You can even just attach a hose to a plastic bottle with holes in it for some quick, cheap fun. Add some extra excitement with a water balloon or super soaker water gun fight!

No more blowing up individual water balloons — try out these self-sealing water balloons that allow you to fill up 100 balloons in 60 seconds with a hose (https://amzn.to/30syXEy).

Explore Your Local Area

Staying at home isn’t the only way to have an exciting staycation. Often, we’re so busy and caught up in our daily routines at home that we forget to take advantage of the special things to do in our local area. So exploring your hometown can be a fun adventure, too!

Treat your hometown like a tourist would. Research it online as if you’re planning to visit. Remember that Western New York is just a short drive away from one of the great wonders of the world — enjoy a visit to the New York side of Niagara Falls.

Pack a picnic lunch and make a day of it. Check https://www. niagarafallsstatepark.com/covid-19-updates before you go.

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When’s the last time you visited downtown Buffalo? With both pedestrian and vehicular traffic lower than normal, take the time to check out what’s been built during downtown’s renaissance. Walk around and pay attention to the historic architecture, if only from the outside. City Hall, the Guaranty Building, the Ellicott Square Building, and the Electric Tower are just a few of our city’s architectural gems. Look up their history before your visit. Take photos of the buildings so that when you get home, older kids can try their hand at drawing them — you never know when you might have a budding architect in the family!

Canalside is another downtown destination. Besides just enjoying a walk in the open air of the waterfront, some activities have opened. Before going, check their website at https://buffalowaterfront.com for current status.

Become A Foodie!

A vacation isn’t complete without enjoyable eating experiences. Try area restaurants you’ve never tried before, as well as coffee shops, ice cream places, or anyplace else that you love or haven’t tried and which is open for takeout. Some restaurants have opened their outdoor dining spaces, or head to a quiet, nearby park to practice social distancing. You’ll enjoy a delicious meal while supporting your local businesses.

Explore The Outdoors

Regardless of your budget, situation, or time constraints, there are plenty of fun, memorable staycation ideas to enjoy at home or close-to-home. Some extra creativity will be needed while so many destinations are still closed, but brainstorming ideas as a family can result in memories to last a lifetime!

Kimberly Blaker is a freelance lifestyle writer.

Let’s Get! Grilling t er

Another great way to explore your local area is Geocaching.

This popular treasure hunting game utilizes a GPS device to find a hidden container with trinkets inside. It’s fun to bring your own small items to leave in the container, too, when you find it. To learn how to get started visit https://www.geocaching.com/guide/.

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Outdoor activities are often part of a fun-filled vacation. So look up nearby parks, preserves, rivers, lakes, hiking, or other outdoor sites. Things to do include bicycling, hiking, picnicking, flying kites, swimming, kayaking, and more.

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FederalMeats.com July 2020 WNY Family 7

FAMILY TRAVEL — by Deborah Williams

Seeking A Desperately Needed Vacation!

W

as there ever a summer in our lifetimes when we so desperately needed a vacation? Despite the forces of a worldwide pandemic, record high unemployment and lock downs and mandated closings, it is possible to have a vacation this summer with careful planning.

Travel can be good for both our mental and physical health especially this year.

This summer, family vacations could be as simple as a day trip to the beach or a nearby state park. It could be camping at a state park or renting a RV or cottage. It could also include staying in a hotel or motel.

Major family attractions such as Disney World and Universal parks are opening and will likely set the standards about how to best manage visitors under current conditions. Florida beaches are also open.

Despite these openings, this is likely to be a summer of traveling in a family car to a destination within a day’s drive.

Luckily for us, New York State boasts a wealth of parks and beaches.

Think of this summer’s travels as old-fashioned affairs, much like a summer vacation of a generation or two ago when families piled into a car and drove to a park, a beach, or mountains for outdoor adventures. The low gas prices are an added bonus this summer.

Everyone should be prepared for change. Up until recently it was most difficult to make concrete plans because of constantly changing numbers and state rules. Although rules still could change, 8 WNY Family July 2020

reservations are now possible. In all cases, be sure to make last minute checks before starting your adventure.

Dr. Anthony Fauci, the head of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, said that although he himself doesn’t take vacations, he predicted that with continued caution families could take summer vacations.

Getting back to normal is not like a light switch that you turn on and off, Fauci said, adding it’ll be gradual and depend on where in the country you live.

The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) typically does not issue restrictions for travel within the United States and so far, there have been no federal restrictions on domestic travel.

However, some states and regions have imposed their own restrictions. For Allegany State Park

instance, Maine imposed a two-week self-quarantine policy for out-of-state visitors. The issue is currently under court review. The U.S. Department of Justice is siding with campground and restaurant owners in Maine who sued the state over the rule. The watchword is be flexible and keep checking.

RV sales and rentals have increased dramatically, and campgrounds and RV parks have been reopening. If you haven’t already started planning, do it now. Research has shown that vacationers are happier from planning a trip and looking forward to it more than when they return from their travels.

S t u d ies have also shown that camping and simply spending time outside is good for your health.

The New York State Department of Environmental Conservation discovered that immersing yourself among the forests, trees, and other greenery has multiple health benefits such as boosting your immune system, lowering blood pressure, reducing stress, increasing your ability to focus, improving sleeps, and it can even increase your energy levels.

There is something about visiting a park — whether it is a city, county, state or national park — that restores the spirit. The combination of fresh air and an escape from civilization into the natural world provides a way to reconnect and refresh. Here are some suggestions: Letchworth State Park, voted the country’s best state park by USA Today readers a few years ago, has long been my favorite nearby park. Living in the Southtowns, it is less than an hour from my house. I always try to bring out-of-town visitors here. I escaped to Letchworth in the immediate days after the horrors of 9/11 and it is where I went after the death of a close family member. Of course, the pandemic prompted a visit and every visit has helped restore my spirit.

When William Pryor Letchworth discovered these lands that became his summer home and later a state park, they had been heavily lumbered. It was Letchworth who planted the thousands of trees that today make up the towering forests.

Letchworth State Park

Taughannock Falls State Park, outside Ithaca, is another stunning park. Taughannock Falls, its namesake waterfall, is one of the outstanding natural attractions of the Northeast. It plunges 215 feet past rocky cliffs that tower nearly 400 feet above the gorge. Gorge and rim trails offer spectacular views from above the falls and from below at the end of the gorge trail. Campsites and cabins overlook Cayuga Lake with a marina, boat launch and beach nearby.

Watkins Glen State Park is the most famous of the Finger Lakes state parks, with a reputation for leaving visitors spellbound. Within two miles, the glen’s stream descends 400 feet past 200-foot cliffs, generating 19 waterfalls along its course.

The village and the park are at the southern tip of Seneca Lake.

At press time the Gorge trail/waterfall viewing access was only open on a limited basis, and a reduced schedule but other hiking trails were open.

Taughannock Falls State Park

Allegany State Park in Salamanca has long been very popular with area residents and has been called “the Wilderness playground of Western New York.” It has it all with camping, hiking, tennis courts, basketball, volleyball, baseball, lakes, a sandy beach for swimming and a canoeing or kayaking access point. The boat launch makes the Allegany Reservoir available for boating enthusiasts.

Summer means beaches and the area’s beaches are open for swimming. Evangola State Park in Irving south of Buffalo on Lake Erie boasts a beautiful natural sand beach and campgrounds. Since there are now limits on park visitors, getting here early to avoid disappointment is a must.

Watkins Glen State Park

Ontario Beach Park on the shores of Lake Ontario in the Rochester area also offers an expansive beach. Sadly, the iconic carousel is closed as are concessions, but visitors are welcome to bring food and nonalcoholic drinks.

Nearby Erie, Pennsylvania boasts Presque Isle State Park, a 3,200-acre sandy peninsula that arches into Lake Erie.

Billed as the state’s only “seashore,” it is a free park that offers a variety of beaches, swimming, fishing, boating, hiking, and bicycling. It is open for swimming and other activities.

The neck of the peninsula is attached to the mainland four miles west of downtown Erie. The park creates Presque Isle Bay, a wide and deep harbor for the city. The bay attracts many pleasure boats and worldwide freighters making Erie an important Great Lakes shipping port.

Evangola State Park

National parks, which have been called “America’s best idea,” have been reopening on a gradual basis. They are some of the country’s greatest treasures and regularly attract millions of visitors from all over the globe. Since international travel has been suspended it could be good news for American travelers.

Normally the most famous park lodges are sold out more a year in advance. But this year there are more rooms available than in past summers so vacationers should visit the websites often to see if cabins and hotel rooms have opened. continued on page 37

July 2020 WNY Family 9

A Family Game: Around the USA

Gather the family together and have them sit in a circle. The first player announces, “I’m traveling around the country and in [state] I visited [place].

For example, “I’m traveling around the country, and in New York I visited the Statue of Liberty.” The next player must repeat what the first player said (“I’m traveling around the country, and in New York I visited the Statue of Liberty”) and add another phrase like, “and then I traveled to Pennsylvania and visited the Liberty Bell.” Play continues around the circle with each player repeating previous phrases, and then adding a new one.

As a player forgets an item in the list, he/she is eliminated from play until one winner remains.

Make A Patriotic Suncatcher — by Tania Cowling

T

he Fourth of July, or Independence Day, celebrates the signing of the Declaration of Independence in 1776. With a little planning and a lot of red, white, and blue, any family can organize a fabulous “patriotic party” to honor the founding of our country (even during the pandemic).

For a patriotic atmosphere, decorate with lots of red, white and blue.

Have the children write messages with markers onto balloons before they are inflated. Let them wish the USA a Happy Birthday with a cute saying written on each balloon. Inflate them and hang these around the house along with crepe paper streamers. Cut out silver stars from heavy gauge aluminum foil and attach these with a stapler to the streamers.

Happy Birthday USA Discuss with your child that the Fourth of July is the day when we celebrate the birthday of our country. Ask him/her to tell you his birthday and how the family celebrates this milestone.

Build upon the idea that a birthday cake is a major part of this celebration, 10 WNY Family July 2020

so provide the kids with vanilla frosted cupcakes. Set out shakers of red and blue sugar crystals so they can decorate a cupcake for America’s birthday party.

Make sure you sing “Happy Birthday” to the USA before eating this treat. Here’s a cute poem to recite together:

Who’s Birthday Is It? Some birthdays come in winter, some birthdays come in spring.

On birthdays there are games to play and lots of songs to sing.

My favorite birthday is in July, and it doesn’t belong to me.

It’s the birthday that lights up the sky for all the world to see.

Rockets glare, trumpets blare, and bands begin to play.

Happy Birthday America — It’s Independence Day! — Author Unknown

To make cute window hangings, invite your kids to brush liquid starch on a clear plastic plate (clear lids from large coffee cans work well too). Provide them with a variety of red, white and blue tissue paper, pieces of crepe paper streamers, stars, sequins and glitter.

The starch soaks through the thin pieces and adheres these to the plate. Brush on a second coat to keep things in place. Let dry thoroughly, punch a hole at the top and hang in a sunny place with a ribbon loop.

Moving Outdoors What’s the Fourth of July without a parade? Conduct your own family parade full of music, noisemakers, and riding toy floats. Parading down the street with decorated riding toys is a good way to put spirit into a holiday celebration.

Young children can gather their riding toys; a tricycle, wagon, little cars and such, and prepare them by taping crepe paper streamers and ribbons to the body of the vehicle, as well as to the handlebars.

Older kids may even weave these streamers into the spokes of their bicycles.

Party Food

“Pop, Bang, Boom” Cupcakes

Patriotic Fruit Parfaits Help the children layer vanilla yogurt and fruit inside a clear plastic cup. Place a layer of blueberries in the bottom of the cup. Next place a few scoops of yogurt. Then, a layer of sliced strawberries. Proceed with more yogurt. Keep layering until you get to the top. A slice of “star fruit” on top would be grand.

Firecracker Sandwiches

Bake cupcakes according to your favorite recipe or boxed mix. Purchase a candy called “pop rocks” (they can be found in packages in specialty candy stores).

Gently fold these into the frosting. Frost the cupcakes. When the pop rocks hit your tongue, they start popping. What a fun surprise for “kids of all ages”!

Make your favorite sandwich spread — tuna, ham, or egg salad. Place a slice of bread on a work surface and roll it flat with a rolling pin. Spread the sandwich mixture on the slice and start rolling up the bread — jellyroll fashion.

Wrap each rolled sandwich in colored plastic wrap (red or blue would be nice), twisting ends with twist ties or tie with colorful ribbons to resemble firecrackers. Make a bunch and place them in a basket to serve at a July Fourth picnic. Your kids will love this new presentation of an old time lunch!

Tania K Cowling is a teacher resource author and freelance parenting writer. She lives in Sanford, Florida. Visit her blog at www.kiddoblogger.com

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Building Up

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— by Janeen Lewis

35 Easy Tips to Try This Summer

TEAM is the perfect antidote for summer learning losses, especially if families are still stuck at home and practicing social distancing. Supporting STEAM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Arts and Math) at home may sound overwhelming, but the 35 fun and easy ways to engage children in STEAM activities listed here will work for any family. They’re also a good way to prevent “summer brain drain.”

STEAM has grown in popularity in recent years, and the future will include STEAM-related jobs. Foster a love of STEAM at home this summer with these ideas.

SCIENCE

Children are naturally inquisitive, and curiosity is the backbone of science discovery. Inspire kids to dive into science with these ideas: 1) Give children a scientific start.

Use scientific words and make exploring a part of everyday life.

2) Welcome questions like “Why is the sky blue?” Questioning is the first step of the Scientific Method.

a pack of Mentos in a 2-liter soda or launch a bottle rocket. Discuss the science behind the blast.

6) Grow a garden. Start seedlings from kitchen vegetable seeds or trimmings.

7) Relate science to hobbies. Learn the physics behind the fastball or how the gymnast balances on the beam.

TECHNOLOGY

Future jobs will require technology.

Embrace screen benefits that build technology skills.

8) Make the computer your friend. Teach your child how to do research, make brochures for school projects, and use spreadsheets for chores and allowance. In anticipation of future trips, let your child research destinations.

9) Start coding. Check out code. org for fun ways kids can code online or without technology. Other coding sites to try are Codeacademy, Kodable, Lightbot, Scratch and Tynker.

10) Introduce Raspberry Pi. Kids can use this card-sized single board computer for basic programming.

3) Encourage household problemsolving. Bread dough that doesn’t rise, an inside door that sticks, an insect infestation in the garden are gateways to hypotheses, experiments and answers.

11) Let them make a stop-motion video. Apps to try: Lego Movie Maker, Stop Motion Studio, Lapse It, iStopMotion and Clayframes.

4) Create a kitchen science lab.

Make homemade ice cream in a Ziploc bag, make butter out of heavy cream in a mason jar or grow geodes in eggshells.

Does your child love Lego blocks or Minecraft? Does she want to take apart the toaster or fix the cell phone when it breaks? Here are ways to encourage a budding engineer.

5) Have a blast -- literally! Many safe experiments involve eruptions.

Make a paper Mache baking soda and vinegar volcano. Go outside and drop 12 WNY Family July 2020

ENGINEERING

12) Teach kids the Engineering Design Process (Check out a kid-friendly version at teachengineering.com)

13) Let them join a Lego Robotics Club.

14) Stock up on building supplies. Try Legos, wooden blocks, K’nex, Lincoln Logs, Tinker Toys and Duplo bricks. Also keep recyclables like cardboard, paper towel tubes, and cereal boxes. There are even edible options like cheese, grapes, and marshmallows. Pair one or more of these with toothpicks or pretzels for building.

15) Encourage children to complete tower building challenges. One fun and easy way to do this is with notecards or old playing cards and no other materials. Kids can only fold the cards, no ripping or cutting.

16) Create Catapults. Some materials to try: Popsicle sticks, spoons, drink lids, rubber bands, and pom poms.

17) Build a Rube Goldberg machine out of household materials. This machine is intentionally designed to perform a simple task through a series of complex chain reactions. To learn more, visit rubegoldberg.com.

18) Join a radio control club.

Planes, helicopters, and boats often inspire children. Building their own involves creativity and problem-solving skills.

19) Build a miniature roller coaster. Give your child materials like pipe insulation, marbles, cups and duct tape.

Watch them take their creativity for a ride.

ARTS

Children can be artists by painting, drawing, sculpting, singing, playing an instrument, dancing, or writing. Take note of inclinations in these areas and foster a love of the arts.

20) Inspire creativity. Immerse your home in different types of art. Listen to music, collect art or art books or check them out from the library.

21) Be positive. Even if you don’t think you’re good at art, try some art mediums along with your child. He or she will be more willing to try, too.

22) Stock up on art supplies. Water colors, finger paints, acrylic, crayons, colored pencils, pastels, construction paper, sketch books and origami paper are some examples.

23) Experiment with evaporation art. Mix salt with water and paint. Have your child predict what will happen to the salt and water.

24) Order a how-to-draw book or check out videos on YouTube. Step by step directions will give your child more confidence.

25) Sculpt with air-dry clay. Your child doesn’t need a pottery wheel to create with clay. After the clay dries, it can be painted.

26) Listen to a variety of music genres. This will open your child’s mind to different artists and styles of music.

27) Sign your child up for a virtual creative writing class.

28) Read poetry books.

MATH

There are many ways to make math relevant and interesting.

Research shows that most children can succeed at math.

29) Teach number sense. Mentally work through problemsolving logic with your child. “Bedtime Math: A Fun Excuse to Stay Up Late” by Laura Overdeck is a good book for promoting math discussions.

30) Check out Texas Instruments’ “STEM Behind Cool Careers” (https://education.ti.com/en/activities/stem/gen-stem) for videos connecting algebra, geometry and physics to jobs like fashion design, flying jets and more.

31) Cook or bake together. Measuring, equivalent fractions, and conversions are all part of recipe building.

32) Measure the miles. When going on family outings, find the distance with your child. Calculate the miles and time it will take to get there and how much gas will cost.

33) Assign chores and give an allowance. They’ll be asking for ice cream and movie money anyway, so why not teach practical budgeting skills in the process?

34) Pop some popcorn to learn about volume. Assemble a group of containers of different sizes. Have your child guess which container will be filled to the top with the amount of popcorn you have popped. Ask the question, “Does 1 cup of rice have the same volume as 1 cup of popcorn?” Bring out the rice and have them test their theory.

35) Learn basic geometic shapes by using pretzel sticks and mini marshmallows to construct triangles, squares, and rectangles. Older kids can construct more complex shapes like cubes, hexagon, etc.

Janeen Lewis lives in Georgia, is mom to Andrew and Gracie, has a degree in journalism, and is a certified teacher who has served as a STEM teacher. She has been published in several parenting publications across the country.

July 2020 WNY Family 13

G

o o g l e the term “Movie Stars.” Go ahead... I’ll wait. The result is a scrollable list of individuals that have captured the hearts of people all over the world through their character portrayals on the big screen.

Their names include everyone from Marilyn Monroe to Matt Damon, Angelina Jolie to Marlon Brando. I scrolled through about three pages of celebrities, remembering the various roles they’ve played over the years.

Digital Dreams

Now, Google the term “YouTube Stars.” Once again... I’ll wait. The results is a scrollable list of...um...wait, who are these people? PewDiePie? Lilly Singh? Should I know these people?

People who have found fame through online platforms such as YouTube, Instagram, and Snapchat are known as “instacelebs.” The instacelebs category is made up mostly of young adults ages 15 through 28. Their online content includes videos of gaming, style, makeup, and sketch comedy. Instacelebs are masters at building their brand. They are also known for being very well connected to their fan base. They’ll often respond directly to fans who comment on their videos, ask a question, like their posts, etc. In return, their fans are overwhelmingly loyal.

Today’s youth culture views the stars of the small screen in a similar way as we look at the stars of the silver screen. The difference is that these new celebrities are not out of reach they way existing stars are. These celebrities don’t live in Hollywood with the glitz and the glamour. They are real people. Their fans have watched them rise to instaceleb status, but yet they are still filming videos from their bedroom.

Kids today have seen how people can share their ideas with the world and build a following through those ideas.

14 WNY Family July 2020

RAISING DIGITAL KIDS — by Mike Daugherty The barriers to becoming a celebrity are much different for the Netflix generation. They don’t need famous parents, casting agents, runways, or even money.

All they require is a camera, an idea, and a platform to broadcast. The path to becoming a celebrity gained a new avenue.

OMG YES! My child wants to be a YouTuber.

How do I address this?

This is a widespread aspiration, especially among children between the ages of eight and thirteen. The allure of internet fame will fade for many as they mature and begin to develop more realistic goals. Like our parents used to say… “It’s a phase.” It is essential to handle their aspirations in this phase to instill the appropriate values as they grow into young adults.

My wife and I have three children.

The older two fit in the eight to thirteen demographic, and both have a YouTube channel. We only recently decided to allow the kids to pursue this. Here is how we chose to approach it.  Be Encouraging - Neither of us loved the idea of the kids having a YouTube channel, but ultimately decided that allowing them to create and post videos was a skill that would be useful in the future. We

looked at alternatives, such as uploading them to Facebook for just family and friends to see, but that did not provide an authentic experience for the kids.

 Be Honest - We have set the expectation for our kids that these people did not rise to fame after posting one or two videos. Finding success online will take a lot of hard work, dedication, practice, and patience.

These ideas translate so well to future interests that it was important for our kids to understand them at an early age.  Be Responsible - This is where we had to put some parental controls in place. Ground rules were put in place around topics like appropriate language, treatment of others, and personal information. Videos are viewed before being uploaded. One of us checks for comments, although since the channels are so new, there are no comments. We adjusted and re-adjusted the channel visibility settings as well. You can google youtube channel privacy settings to learn more about the options.

Don’t fret too much about this. Once kids see how much time it takes to think of an idea, film a video, edit, and post it, many will quickly lose interest. For those children who stick with it, parents should continue to play an active role, especially in privacy settings, comment reading, and overall “watchdog.”

What about becoming a pro gamer?

YouTube is a highly competitive platform, and while there are many niche areas, finding real YouTube fame and success is rare. eSports (professional gaming) can provide teens with a more realistic pathway to success. The rise in popularity and viewership of eSports cannot be ignored. According to an article from Syracuse University, an estimated 250 million people watched

eSports competitions last year. The tournament prize pools are nothing to laugh at either. The 2019 Fortnite World Cup finals paid over $15,000,000 in prize money to individuals and teams.

Colleges, universities, and even high schools have begun instituting eSports programs since 2010. Similar to other traditional sports, these programs include daily practices as well as required exercise and nutrition plans to keep team members healthy and active. While I don’t know any YouTube celebrities, I know several college students with full scholarships to respected schools for their gaming abilities.

I’m not suggesting that you remove screentime limits and let your child play competitive video games every day until the wee hours of the morning. Approach gaming as if it was a traditional sport. You can use this to encourage things such as hard work, time management, and goal setting. All of those will be important regardless of how your child’s foray into eSports turns out. ● Do Your Research - To support your child in this endeavor, you’ll need to understand eSports’s world. See what eSports leagues, team, and tournament opportunities are available in your area. ● Focus - Gamers will want to focus their talents on a single game. Counter-Strike, League of Legenda, Fortnite, and DOTA 2 are the most popular. ● Join a Team / Play in a Tournament - Just like trying out for a baseball team, sign up to join a team. Playing in a local tournament is another way to showcase talents. If neither is available, look for online opportunities.

Gaming may be a passing phase, but it also holds the potential to be something more. The key for parents is to encourage a variety of other interests and activities while supporting their child’s passion for gaming.

Mike Daugherty is a husband, father of three young children, author, speaker, Google Innovator, and possible Starbucks addict. He is a certified educational technology leader who has served in a variety of roles through his twenty-year career in public education. Currently, Mike is the Director of Technology for the Chagrin Falls Exempted Village School district in Northeast Ohio. As an IT director he has developed creative, well thought out solutions that positively impact teaching and learning.

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July 2020 WNY Family 15

I

t is summer when time stands still… and time for random for summer reading! With libraries and bookstores opening soon, now is the perfect time to get that pile of books ready. With the pent up energy from quarantining and social distancing, a trip to either of these would be a welcome start to summer.

PICK OF THE LITERATURE — by Dr. Donna Phillips

One of the fun things about these kinds of adventures is the chance to peruse the aisles and shelves for any book that catches your attention. Sometimes these random reading opportunities are the best! These serendipitous moments can open doors to your mind and imagination that can take you to places you could never have imagined. I actually did this when I selected books for this month and here is what spoke to me.

Do I Have to Wear a Coat? A Journey Through the Seasons (Nancy Paulsen Books, New York, 2020, $17.99) is a delightful picture book by Rachel Isadora. It celebrates Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter with adorable vignettes and depictions of children enjoying the adventures that the time of year has to offer. Of course, each section includes the coat to wear and when to wear it. This is a wonderful way to get ready for a season or review the seasons of the year. It might even bring back some of your childhood memories. The reminders of the things that take place each season, the delights that each brings, and the fun with family and friends make this a perfect all season book!

Summer is a time to stay up late to watch the stars, feel the cool night air, and listen to night sounds. Maybe one of the sounds you hear is that of a distant train. Where is it going? What is it carrying? Who is on it? Night Train: A Journey from Dusk to Dawn (Page Street Kids, Salem. 2019, $17.99), written by Annie Cronin Romano and illustrated by Ileana Soon, is the perfect book to lull you to sleep on a warm summer evening. The rhythm of the words make you feel like you are rocking with the train, as it travels across the country passing cities and farms, over mountains, plains, and across rivers to reach its intended destination. All the while we have a glimpse into the night lives that take place on and off the train as we pass. As we reach the final destination and dawn breaks, the train itself is now ready for slumber… just like the reader.

16 WNY Family July 2020

even be a good addition to home studies that might be taking place over the summer.

With all of the news breaking across our nation, now might be the perfect time for a geography lesson. America’s 50 States (Gibbs Smith Books, Layton, 2020, $12.99) is a great beginner’s guide to this. Bright maps, flags, and illustrations along with important dates, fun facts, and questions make this book a great introduction to the bounty, beauty, history, and landscape of this nation. It would be great for a road trip or visiting family or friends in another state. It might

Dear Grandchild, This is Me (WaterBrook/Crown Publishing, New York, 2019, $16.99), designed by Danielle Deschenes, is a wonderful keepsake book for a child and a family. With time together and time to reflect on where we have been and where we are going, this might be a perfect project for an elder who has to be socially distanced and needs a way to stay connected to loved ones. This diary-style book provides prompts and questions to guide the writer through their journey through life. There are envelopes to hold photos and hand written notes for inspiration and comfort, a place for the family tree, famous quotes, questions about heritage, childhood, growing up, and dreams. The photo mount stickers provided can be used to create a storyboard of life’s special moments. This would be a most remarkable gift not only for the family, but for the author to preserve their legacy and share their wisdom.

This time of quiet has prepared us to burst forth in full bloom for summer growth and celebration. Books can be a way to give us direction as we reflect on our past and plan for our future. Much like nature around us, we need the summer time to help us grow deep roots as we reach toward the sky. Looking for new possibilities while staying connected is what this season can provide. Challenging times grow the garden of compassion for self and others. Let’s use this time wisely.

Donna Phillips is an associate professor in the College of Education at Niagara University, where her specialty is literacy and children’s literature. She lives on Grand Island, NY and is the mother of two adult children and the grandmother of one.

Healthy

WNY Family Magazine • July 2020

Healthy

Child,Family 20th Annual

July 2020 WNY Family 17

How To Prevent Your Kids From Becoming Stressed — by Tanni Haas, Ph.D.

W

hile low levels of stress are normal, stress can be damaging to your kids’ physical, mental, and emotional health if it comes in high doses and persists over time. If that’s the case, what can you do to prevent your kids from becoming overwhelmed by high levels of stress?

Experts agree on the following points:

“If you take care of yourself and schedule time for your own needs,” says Dr. Amy Przeworski, a professor of child psychology, “your child will learn that self-care is an important part of life.

Children learn behaviors from watching their parents. So when you think about your child’s psychological well-being think about your own as well.”

Take Good Care of Yourself & Model Stress-Free Behaviors

Educate Your Kids about Stress: What It Is & How to Recognize It

It might sound counter-intuitive, but the first and most important thing is to take good care of yourself and try not to get stressed. “Stress is really contagious,” says Lynn Lyons, a child and adolescent psychotherapist and author of Anxious Kids, Anxious Parents. “When parents are stressed out, kids are stressed out.”

Try to stay calm at all times and model stress-free behaviors to your kids.

“Just like flight attendants advise adult passengers to put on their own oxygen mask before assisting others,” says Dr. Jamie Howard, a clinical child psychologist, “parents need to attend to their own physical and emotional needs to be able to best support their children.” This means that you should avoid being tired or hungry for prolonged periods of time, and that you should seek emotional support from other adults when needed.

18 WNY Family July 2020

Educate your kids about stress — what it is and how to recognize it. Lyons says it’s important that you teach your kids “to understand their own bodies and the physiology of stress.” Specifically, kids need to learn to tell the difference between normal and stressed reactions to what’s happening to them. “While it’s normal for a child’s stomach to feel jumpy on the first day of school,” says Lyons, “leaving class because their stomach hurts or waking up repeatedly with a headache is a sign there’s too much going on.”

Katie Hurley, a child and adoles-

cent psychotherapist and author of The Happy Kids Handbook, agrees: “To help your child connect the dots, draw the outline of a body and pinpoint different places where stress can cause problems.” Explain to your kids all the common physical symptoms of stress, including backaches, headaches, neck aches, and stomachaches, and help them see where and how they react when they are stressed.

As Hurley puts it, “The more kids understand the connection between symptoms and stress, the better able they will be to seek help.”

Help Your Kids Become More Resilient

Besides teaching your kids how to recognize stress, also try to make them more resilient towards it. One useful technique is to teach your kids to take a couple of deep breaths when they are in a stressful situation. “Taking deep breaths can actually have a physiological effect on the body,” says Janice Halloran, a licensed mental health counselor and author of The Coping Skills for Kids Workbook. “When you’re stressed, your body goes into fight, flight or freeze mode and your breathing automatically gets more shallow. To trick your body into getting back to a more restful state, take deep breaths.” It’s also useful to practice relaxation techniques with your kids. Dr. Przeworski recommends teaching your kids to imagine themselves somewhere

relaxing, like the beach or in a backyard hammock, and then imagining all “the sounds, smells, and sensations associated with the image.”

You can help make your kids more stress-resilient by encouraging them to confront their fears head on instead of shying away from them. Amy Morin, a licensed psychotherapist and author of 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do, makes this important point with the example of elevators. If your kid is afraid of elevators and you always suggest taking the stairs instead, you are essentially teaching your kid that s/ he must be too fragile to take the elevator: “They grow up thinking, ‘I’m not a capable person. If I’m afraid of something, I shouldn’t do it. My parents don’t believe in me, why should I believe in myself?’” Once again, kids model what their parents do.

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“If children are surrounded by adults who model resilience,” says Dr. Lyn O’Grady, a child psychologist, “through their own behaviors as well as by explicitly teaching and practicing the social and emotional skills, they will be more likely to develop resilience themselves.”

Cultivate Stress-Free Activities

Finally, cultivate stress-free activities for your kids to do whenever they feel like they are about to get stressed.

Mrs. Hurley suggests that parents create “stress-free zones” or “relaxation centers” in the home where kids can engage in their favorite activities. Similarly, Lyons recommends that parents encourage their kids to engage in activities that are characterized by “pure play” — with no winners or losers, no particular end goal, and therefore no pressure to perform or reason to get stressed, such as outdoor sports like bike riding, hiking, and running.

Tanni Haas is a professor in the Department of Communication Arts, Sciences & Disorders at the City University of New York – Brooklyn College.

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How Parents of Allergic Kids Can Support Non-Allergic Siblings’ Mental Health — by Pam Moore

“

I

NEED pizza!” my six-year-old screams from our minivan’s backseat. I inhale slowly to avoid yelling back. A few hours earlier I was crouched over our four-year-old, giving her a life-saving shot of epinephrine before heading to the emergency room via ambulance. Now we’re driving home. I don’t want to stop for pizza and my older daughter’s demands are driving me crazy.

My jaw softens as I realize she’s as shaken as I am, but at six her language is rage, not words. She doesn’t feel like talking, so at bedtime, I invite her to play dolls. Sitting on her gray and pink chevron rug, in a high pitched voice, her Barbie admits she’s scared her little sister will die.

I tear up, realizing my first grader carries such a grown-up worry.

In the U.S. one in every 13 kids has food allergies. Of those, over 40% are at risk for anaphylaxis. Like most allergy parents, when our younger child was diagnosed, my husband and I focused on her safety, never considering what our non-allergic child might need. We thought it was cute when our older child would throw herself between her sister and a well-meaning adult serving birthday cake, proclaiming, “She has allergies! You need to check with our parents before she eats that.” We didn’t realize the protective big sister role we’d encouraged came with outsized stress.

Gina Clowes, founder of Allergy Moms, coach, and author of One of the Gang: Nurturing the Souls of Children with Food Allergies, reminds parents that each child needs to feel special, regardless of allergy status. “Each person in the family is equally important and everyone deserves love, attention and time. If all or most of the emotional energy is devoted to the allergic child, sooner or later, issues are likely to crop up with the child’s sibling.”

Our non-allergic daughter often laments, “It’s not fair!” She longs to wear a pink medical bracelet and to bring her own cupcake to birthday parties. She insists her little sister is the lucky one, although she has to take her epinephrine injector everywhere and often declines treats.

If you’re stressed and fearful, your kids will be, too. Dr. Lakiea Wright, an allergist at Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston, says “Children imitate behavior and if you as the parent demonstrate positive coping skills, then your child will do the same.” Clowes suggests stress manage-

Non-Allergic Siblings Need Support, Too

20 WNY Family July 2020

Not only do non-allergic children need to know they’re equally important, they may also need help managing their own anxiety around their sibling’s allergies. Unfortunately, there’s no “one size fits all” approach to determining whether your non-allergic child needs help coping. However, Clowes advises parents to seek professional help if your child is sad, anxious, or angry for a prolonged period, avoids normal activities, or is talking about hurting herself.

Most of the time, though, professional help isn’t necessary. Parents can support their non-allergic kids in many ways.

Be A Role Model

Says Clowes, “Parents are the most powerful influence on how their children will understand and react to a diagnosis of food allergies.” She reminds us little eyes and ears are always watching and listening — especially when we think they’re not.

And if the way we talk about allergies is not aligned with how we really feel, our kids know it.

ment tools like rest, exercise, and healthy eating, but acknowledges such strategies aren’t always enough. She encourages parents who need it to find support in a therapist, a friend, a partner, or a support group.

Focus On Safety, Not Fear

Experts recommend treating allergies like any other safety issue. Dr. Michael Pistiner, allergist and director of Food Allergy Advocacy, Education and Prevention at Massachusetts General Hospital for Children, not only teaches this approach, he uses it himself; one of his two children has lifethreatening food allergies. He tells parents that just like we always wear seatbelts in the car, we always read labels and carry medicine when with an allergic child. And just the same way we address other safety rules, when it comes to food allergies, “We don’t necessarily talk about the consequences, we just say, ‘You follow the rules.’”

Both Clowes and Dr. Pistiner agree parents don’t need to discuss the worst possible outcome for kids to cooperate with the safety rules. Not only that, but says Clowes, “Words like ‘You will die,’ especially when shared with emotion, are indelible.” (I cringe, thinking of the times I’ve used the words “die” and “allergies” in the same sentence in front of my children.)

Dr. Pistiner emphasizes education as a means of minimizing parents’ fear. He says parents should know that dying from a food allergy is less likely than a car accident fatality. An American Academy of Allergy Asthma & Immunology study found the risk of allergy-related death to be less than one in a million. Dr. Pistiner also wants parents to understand that epinephrine works very quickly and effectively. He emphasizes that when armed with knowledge and taking routine allergy safety precautions,

parents are more likely to feel safe, not scared — and so are their kids, both allergic and non-allergic.

Take A Team Approach Experts and parents agree that teamwork is key. Depending on their age and maturity level, parents can give non-allergic siblings a “helper” role. Says psychiatrist Qionna Tinney, associate medical director of Child Services at Cardinal Innovations Healthcare in North Carolina, “This can give them a sense of inclusion and allows for open and frequent conversations to occur.”

Los Angeles mom Teri Levy says making sure all her children understood the signs of an allergic reaction and how to handle it replaced fear with empowerment.

One of her four children is deathly allergic to cashews. Says Levy, “We’ve trained them on how to use an Epipen and to not EVER be afraid to call 911. Reassuring our non-allergic kids that help is available definitely eases their fears.” Dr. Tinney suggests families do practice drills, both to ensure everyone knows how to handle an emergency and to facilitate team building.

Meanwhile, every child is different; not every child can or should take respon-

sibility for their sibling’s safety. Parents should avoid overwhelming non-allergic siblings. If a sibling appears stressed, Clowes suggests reassuring them, saying something like, “Yes, we have to be very careful to avoid certain allergens around your sister. We appreciate your concern and what you do to help, honey. Your father and I are handling it. She will be just fine.’” Clowes emphasizes that parents, not kids, should always take the lead and assign responsibilities among the “players” according to their abilities.

Make Siblings Feel Special

Although we might consider our nonallergic children the “lucky” ones, children may not see it that way. Recently my nonallergic daughter insisted I schedule her physical, claiming she needed shots. I was perplexed until I realized she felt neglected; I’d just made an appointment for her sister to see the allergist after we spent an entire afternoon in the emergency room.

Clowes recommends scheduling special time with your non-allergic child regularly, something she did with her older son. Every Sunday they went to Dunkin Donuts, a ritual that endured through a

teenage phase when he barely spoke to her. “We didn’t keep those kinds of sweets in the house because of my younger son’s multiple food allergies. So donuts were a treat for my son. I was also demonstrating to him, ‘You’re important. I want to spend time with you.’”

Parenting kids with allergies — and their siblings — can feel overwhelming.

But the rewards of giving brothers and sisters a role that lets them be children while helping keep their sibling safe are significant. Recently I took my younger child to the allergy clinic for a food challenge, where we were thrilled to discover she’d outgrown one of her allergies. When we got home we told my older child the good news. She jumped off the couch screaming “Yay!” and drew her little sister into a congratulatory hug. Watching them embrace, I knew that despite my mistakes, I’ve helped create an awesome team.

This article was originally published in The Washington Post.

Pam Moore helps women push through fear to become their best selves. To get her free guide to crushing Impostor Syndrome visit pam-moore.com.

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as having Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). However, undetected and untreated vision problems can elicit some of the very same signs and symptoms commonly attributed to ADHD. Due to these similarities, some children may be mislabeled as having ADHD when, in fact, they have an undetected vision problem.”

— by Cheryl Maguire

The following are signs that may indicate your child could have a vision problem:

1) Head Tilt: If your child has

“

How Healthy Are Your Child’s Eyes?

Y

ou need glasses,” the ophthalmologist said to me. I was twelve years old. My mom was shocked, since I never complained of unclear vision and no one else in our family had poor eyesight. The reason I went to the doctor is that I failed the school eye screening exam. My vision became gradually worse so I didn’t realize it wasn’t normal.

I remember when I first wore glasses thinking to myself, “Everything seems so clear and crisp. I can see the tips of leaves on a tree and easily read street signs.” I thought it was normal to see the world a little bit blurry.

Children’s Eye Health and Safety Month is coming up in August. This issue is important to me since my vision has significantly declined from the time of my initial diagnosis over thirty years ago. Even though I am nearsighted (which means I can only see close up and need glasses for far away), without my glasses or contact lenses, I wouldn’t be able to read a word document at normal font size on a computer screen (it’s just a white blur with black lines) since my vision is so poor. I asked my eye doctor if I am considered legally blind.

It turns out I’m not, since my vision can still be corrected with glasses.

According to the website LetsGoSee.net, one in four children has a vision problem. The Centers for Disease 22 WNY Family July 2020

Control states that Amblyopia, or lazy eye, is the most common cause of vision loss in children, which can be treated if caught early between the ages of 3 to 5 years old. PreventBlindness.org found the most common vision disorders in children are myopia (nearsightedness; trouble seeing far away), hyperopia (farsightedness; trouble seeing close up), and astigmatism (blurry vision at all distances).

Visual acuity, or lack thereof, affects a child in many ways. The Urban Child Institute states that correcting poor vision can foster a child’s cognitive and social development, while the American Optometric Association estimates 80% of a child’s learning happens through observation. In the classroom, most of the teaching is done by the display of information. Children also learn social skills from seeing facial expressions and body language.

Similar to my experience, children may be unaware of the fact their vision is not normal, since they have never experienced anything else. This may lead to feeling frustrated about being unable to see the words in a book or on the board in the classroom, causing a child to act out. According to the American Optometric Association, “Some children with learning difficulties exhibit specific behaviors of hyperactivity and distractibility. These children are often labeled

a problem with their ocular muscles or nerves they will attempt to compensate by tilting their head.

2) Sitting Too Close To The TV: If your child is nearsighted, they

will attempt to compensate for this by moving closer to the TV or other reading materials.

3) Avoidance of Reading: If

your child has poor visual skills and eye teaming skills, they will compensate for this by avoiding reading. Reading uses many complex eye movements and poor visual skills may cause your child to become frustrated easily.

4) Frequent Headaches: You child may have headaches because he/she is over strained using all of their energy to align, focus, and use their eyes.

5) Laterality Problem: If your child has poor directional skills and often confuses left and right it could be due to poor vision. Proper oculocentric location is dependent on vision and laterality depends, in part, upon oculocentric location.

6) Finger Pointing: If your child has poor vision tracking skills they may use their finger to compensate for their poor tracking ability.

7) Can’t Copy From The Board: Your child may have difficul-

ty with accommodation, the ability to change focus between far and near. This is essential for success in school.

8) Squinting: Your child may squint because this narrows a bundle of light entering the eye which allows for continued on page 30

sun leads to a boost in vitamin D production that may improve eye health from a biochemical standpoint. Another theory is that children who are outside often tend to be more physically active, and that movement could protect the body. Finally, another idea is that bright light slows abnormal myopic eye growth by stimulating a release of dopamine from cells in the retina. Dopamine then causes slower, normal growth of the eye that is not impacted by myopia.

What can parents do to take advantage of this new information?

A Surprising Benefit of Outdoor Play:

Improved Eyesight For Kids

H

— by Sandi Schwartz

ave you noticed that more and more people are wearing glasses these days? Throughout the world, there is a nearsightedness, or myopia, epidemic. This condition is diagnosed when individuals need corrective lenses to see objects far away. The blurry vision is the result of the eye growing too long for distant rays of light to focus accurately on the back of the eye. Myopia can potentially lead to serious eye diseases later in life, such as retinal detachment or degeneration.

move genetic risk, lowering the chances of needing corrective lenses to about 20 percent (the same chance as a child with no nearsighted parents).

In another review, researchers at the University of Cambridge examined eight studies that covered data for 10,400 children and adolescents. They determined that each additional hour spent outdoors per week could reduce the risk of developing myopia by up to two percent.

It is estimated that about one-third of the world’s population is nearsighted.

Nearly half of young adults in the United States and Europe are nearsighted, which is twice the amount from a half-century ago. For years, researchers have been trying to identify the reason for the rise in vision problems. Could it be all the computers, video games, and texting? Although that is the most obvious culprit, scientists have now found a fascinating link between the amount of time children spend outside and their eyesight.

Finally, a research team in China looked at the effect of prolonged exposure to sunlight on eye health in 1,900 schoolchildren. The children were broken into two groups; the first group spent more time outdoors than the second group. Scientists found that the children who spent more time outdoors had a 23 percent reduced risk of developing myopia over a three-year period. Researchers also discovered that of the children who developed myopia, those who spent more time outdoors had fewer vision issues than those who did not.

Scientists reviewed data for nearly 5,000 children over 20 years as part of the Collaborative Longitudinal Evaluation of Ethnicity and Refractive Error (CLEERE) Study funded by the National Eye Institute. They found that more time outdoors, about 14 hours per week, can nearly re-

Researchers have several theories to explain the connection between vision and time spent outdoors. Some believe that the outdoors provides a protective effect on our children’s eyes as the children grow. Others talk about how the exposure to more ultraviolet B radiation from the

Check vision annually. Nearsightedness typically begins during elementary school, so please be sure to have your children’s vision checked annually at school and/or at the pediatrician’s office.

If an issue is identified, then you will be referred to a pediatric ophthalmologist for a more thorough exam.

Limit screen time. Whether is it natural light or the damaging effects of the electronics themselves, these studies give us more reason to limit screen time and send our kids outdoors.

Encourage daily outdoor play.

Children are spending less time outdoors these days because of a number of factors. It is up to us to schedule fun outdoor activities throughout the week. This can include organized sports teams, free play with friends and neighbors, family bike rides, trips to the park, gardening, or even setting up a spot outside to do homework. Even though the goal is to have our children’s eyes exposed to more natural sunlight, it is still critical that we protect them with sunglasses and sunscreen.

Increase light exposure indoors. If the weather is not conducive to head outdoors, consider using daylight-spectrum indoor lights to minimize myopia. These are the same types of lights used to address seasonal affective disorder (SAD).

Sandi Schwartz is a parenting writer and mother of two. Her work has appeared in publications including Chicken Soup for the Soul, Scary Mommy, Parent Co., Motherly, The Week, Very Well Family, The Gottman Institute blog, BlogHer, Your Teen, Urban Mommies, and numerous regional parenting magazines. She also manages the blog Happy Science Mom, a parenting toolkit for raising happy, balanced children.

July 2020 WNY Family 23

The Diet Dilemma: Protecting Kids from Diet Culture — by Malia Jacobson

“

D

avid’s mom is fat. She needs to go on a diet.”

When my sweet kindergartner innocently uttered this line after school one day, I couldn’t hide my shock. After experiencing my own body image ups and downs, I’d tried to protect my young kids from talk about weight loss and dieting. Faking composure, I countered with, “Oh? Um, where did you hear that?”

She explained, unfazed. “David’s mom said it herself. She was at school today and said to my teacher ‘I’m fat and I need to go on a diet.’ She said she doesn’t like her butt.” With a throwaway shrug, she skipped off to join her friends on the swing set. I was left swinging between anger that my 5-year-old had been introduced, albeit accidentally, to the idea of dieting for weight loss, and relief that she hadn’t come up with the “too fat” judgment herself.

Mostly, though, I felt powerless.

I’d tried to shield my child from diet culture and failed. Despite my efforts, the world’s message that our bodies are never good enough had found her.

How Diet Culture Hurts Kids The term “diet,” of course, isn’t necessarily a dirty word. But equating thinness with virtue and encouraging the pursuit of a physical ideal through food restriction — the ideas central to “diet culture” — are problematic, says Amee Severson, RDN, a registered dietician whose work focuses on body positivity, fat acceptance, intuitive eating, and social justice.

Though diet culture often passes for “wellness” or “clean eating,” it’s actu24 WNY Family July 2020

ally unhealthy, because people stop tuning into their own body’s signals about hunger and satiety, says Severson. By elevating thinness as the ideal physical state, moralizing food as good or bad, and promoting rule-based eating, diet culture disconnects people from their bodies’ actual nutritional needs. That might be why despite widespread dieting — one-third of Americans are on a diet any given time — nearly all dieters regain lost weight within a few years.

along with dieting behavior in young children, disordered eating behavior, and eating disorders.

Like any effort toward self-improvement, dieting is well-intentioned. It’s also completely normal and accepted in our society, but that doesn’t mean it’s good for our bodies or minds, says Severson.

“Even when it’s called ‘clean eating’ or ‘wellness,’ making food choices that don’t come from your own body’s cues, food choices that come from rules or moral judgements about good food or bad food, is considered disordered eating.”

For Ivory Bruinsma, a certified fitness instructor who shares her journey with body acceptance through her Instagram account vibrantbrowngirl, rejecting diet culture meant rejecting the white standard of thinness.

Whether we like it or not, kids observe this type of disordered eating along with ideas about the right kind of body to have. Even well-meaning comments about body size, from “She’s really trimmed down! She looks great!” to “I’m just worried about his health,” can breed intolerance and exclusion at school and on the playground, says Severson. “Kids notice when we judge bodies, others’ or our own. Being fat is still viewed very negatively, and fat people are still the butt of jokes.”

Not surprisingly, kids quickly turn this type of judgement on themselves.

Per research, the idea that other people’s fat bodies are inferior is linked to what researchers call “shape dissatisfaction,” or unhappiness with one’s own body,

Kids aren’t the only ones harmed by diet culture, of course. By marginalizing people who fall outside the societal ideal — in our culture, it’s white thinness — diet culture harms the mental and physical health of trans people, people with different abilities, people with larger bodies, and people of color, per Christy Harrison, RD, host of the Food Psych podcast.

“I had to stop chasing white thinness and what white beauty looks like, because that’s what I mostly see in our culture,” says Bruinsma.

Unlearning diet culture can take decades, says certified health and running coach Rose Coats, so it’s worth trying to prevent kids from absorbing it in the first place. “I was raised in diet culture, with Tab, Slim Fast, and the whole thing.”

Now a race director who organizes inclusive Sporty Diva run/walk events, she models a healthier approach to food, one that doesn’t involve calorie counting, for her twin granddaughters. “It took me awhile to get here, but I’m trying to show them a healthier way,” she says.

Fight Back Against Fat Shame One way to fight diet culture: teach kids that “fat” is simply another descriptor, not a bad word, says Severson. “Guide

your kids that fat is just another descriptor; I have brown hair, you’re short, I’m fat. It’s just a body size, and not a moral indicator of a good or bad human. The more we can teach kids that, the more we can fight back against diet culture.”

When well-meaning friends or relatives comment on a child’s size or food choices, a simple “Please don’t comment on our food or our bodies” is in order, says Severson. “As parents, we’re the protectors of our children’s bodies.”

Families can prioritize health and do it in a way that doesn’t promote restrictive eating, says Bruinsma. A few years ago, her doctor advised weight loss after she survived stage-3 colon cancer. She resolved to find a way to heal her post-cancer, post-chemotherapy body without succumbing to diet culture or exposing her kids to restrictive eating.

“I was really hyper-aware about talking about weight loss in front of my kids,” she says. “They would ask why I was working out and I’d say ‘mama wants to be strong and play with you.’

If they saw me weighing myself, I’d say, ‘I’m checking how strong I am!’”

Even if we don’t think they’re watching, kids pick up on our deeply held beliefs about fat and thin, good and bad, and who is worthy of love, says Bruinsma. And before parents can keep diet culture from consuming their kids, they might need to heal themselves. “When I started my body acceptance journey, I literally stood naked in front of a mirror, at 200 pounds, and named each body part and why I loved it. I love my legs because they carry me where I want to go. I love my stomach because it carried three babies. No matter what my body looks like I’m worthy, and I’m enough.”

For my part, I’ve found stronger footing since my daughter’s innocent introduction to dieting in her kindergarten classroom. Though I know I can’t completely shield her or her siblings from diet culture, now I know I’m strong enough to fight back. And David’s mom, if you’re out there — you’re strong enough, too.

Malia Jacobson is a nationally published, award-winning journalist specializing in health and family topics. Her work is frequently featured on television and in publications and news outlets including Women’s Health magazine, Pregnancy & Newborn, YAHOO Shine, MSN Health, the TODAY Show, and TODAY Moms.

July 2020 WNY Family 25

O

besity is increasing worldwide, especially among children and teenagers. In 2019, more than 150 million children in the world were obese. These children are at increased risk of heart disease, cancers, and Type 2 diabetes.

How Junk Food Shapes the Developing Teenage Brain

Teenagers with obesity are likely to remain obese as adults.

If these trends continue, 70 per cent of adults aged 40 years could be either overweight or obese by 2040.

The Teenage Brain Is Vulnerable The teenage years are a key window of brain development. Adolescence coincides with a new-found social autonomy and the independence to make personal food choices.

During adolescence, connections between different brain regions and individual neurons are also being refined and strengthened. The adolescent brain is malleable because of increased levels of “neuroplasticity.”

This means the brain is highly receptive to being shaped and rewired by the environment — including diet. In turn, these changes can become hardwired when development is complete.

So the adolescent brain is vulnerable to diet-induced changes, but these changes may endure through life.

26 WNY Family July 2020

During adolescence, these changes may cause long-lasting shifts to the balance of brain chemicals.

Taken together, the teenage brain has a voracious drive for reward, diminished behavioral control and a susceptibility to be shaped by experience.

I am a neuroscientist and my research investigates how diet changes the brain. I want to understand how unhealthy diets impact the developing brain, and also why young people today are so prone to developing obesity.

Adolescents are the greatest consumers of calorie-rich “junk” foods. During puberty, many children have an insatiable appetite, as rapid growth requires lots of energy. Heightened metabolism and growth spurts can protect against obesity, to an extent. But excessively eating high-calorie junk foods and increasingly sedentary lifestyles can outweigh any metabolic protection.

dense foods. This is due to increased numbers of dopamine receptors in the adolescent brain, so the feeling of reward can be exaggerated. Frequent stimulation of the reward system results in enduring brain adaptations.

— by Amy Reichelt

Resisting Junk Food Is Tough Neuroscientists use functional brain imaging to examine how the brain responds to specific events. Brain scans show that the prefrontal cortex — a key brain area for behavioral control and decision-making — doesn’t fully mature until the early 20s.

Feelings of reward after eating food can be exaggerated due to increased numbers of dopamine receptors in the teenage brain.

The prefrontal cortex controls and overrides urges triggered by events in the environment. Resisting eating a whole bag of candy or buying cheap junk foods can be particularly difficult for teenagers.

Voracious Drive for Rewards In contrast to the immature prefrontal cortex, the brain’s reward system — the mesocorticolimbic dopamine system — is fully developed at a much earlier age.

Teenagers are particularly drawn to rewards, including sweet and calorie-

This manifests as a reduced ability to resist rewarding behaviors.

So it’s not surprising that teenagers prefer to eat foods that are easy to obtain and immediately gratifying, even in the face of health advice to the contrary.

But what are the enduring brain consequences?

Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation Functional imaging studies show brain activity during tasks or viewing images of foods. Brain circuits that process food rewards are more active in adolescents with obesity compared to those considered normal weight.

Interestingly, lower activity is seen in regions of the prefrontal cortex. This shows that obesity can both heighten activation of the reward system and reduce brain activity in centers that can override the desire to eat.

Importantly, successful weight loss in adolescents restores levels of activity in the prefrontal cortex. This provides critical knowledge that the prefrontal cortex is a key area of the brain for controlling food intake, and that diet interventions increase activity in brain regions that exert self control.

Transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS), a way scientists can modify brain activity in the prefrontal cortex, can change inhibitory control of eat-

s s e n l l We Choices Informed wellness decisions lead to healthy, fulfilling lives.

This section, a monthly complement to our annual “Healthy Child, Healthy Family” pullout, focuses on topics of utmost importance to today’s families in the areas of Wellness, Physical & Mental Health, Nutrition and much more.

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Exercise Boosts Brain Plasticity Excessively eating junk foods during adolescence could alter brain development, leading to lasting poor diet habits. But, like a muscle, the brain can be exercised to improve willpower.

Increased brain plasticity during adolescence means the young mind may be more receptive to lifestyle changes.

Physical exercise boosts brain plasticity, helping to set in place new healthy habits. Identifying how the brain is changed by obesity provides opportunities to identify and intervene.

Functional brain imaging adds a new layer of information where clinicians can identify at-risk individuals and track brain changes during nutritional and lifestyle interventions.

Even more, TMS could be a new treatment approach to improve re-calibration of the young brain to prevent enduring changes into adulthood.

Amy Reichelt is a BrainsCAN Research Fellow at Western University’s Schulich School of Medicine & Dentistry, Western University, in London, Ontario, Canada.

This article is republished from The Conversation (https://theconversation.com/ us) under a Creative Commons license.

Read the original article at https://theconversation.com/how-junk-food-shapesthe-developing-teenage-brain-126582.

July 2020 WNY Family 27

Raising Healthy, Happy Kids in a World of Noise

Our kids are so connected that they’re missing out on everything that matters.

Joe McCormack wants parents to stop being helpless bystanders and start taking action.

He shares insights to help us help our kids discern what’s important and what’s just “noise.”

O

ur kids are constantly glued to digital devices: playing video games, posting on social media, watching YouTube — even doing homework online. All this screen time makes parents uneasy, and it should.

Plenty of evidence shows too much tech changes kids’ brains, fuels depression and anxiety, stunts the development of social skills, and more. Yet despite all the handwringing, we just don’t know what to do — so we shrug, check our own smartphones, and let the status quo flow on.

It’s this helpless bystander effect that Joe McCormack wants to challenge. In fact, he wants to launch a “just say no” movement around the passive acceptance of what he calls “noise” — not just in our kids’ lives but in our own.

“We’ve all gotten acclimated to living with endless digital disruptions and constant connectedness,” says McCormack, author of the new book NOISE: Living and Leading When Nobody Can Focus (Wiley, December 2019, ISBN: 978-1-119-55337-3, $25.00). “We think it’s normal but it’s not. All the distraction is hurting our quality of life. It’s hurting our ability to focus, to think, to work, to form strong relationships.”

And yes — to parent.

McCormack says we have a human responsibility to manage the noise that surrounds us, control our attention, and 28 WNY Family July 2020

tune in to the things that really matter.

We also have a parental responsibility to teach our kids the same crucial life skills now so they won’t have to “fix” their bad habits later. The good news? Making the needed changes is more doable than you think.

“There’s no single ‘silver bullet’ solution,” he says. “This is about committing to a series of small, practical ‘old world’ changes that together make a big difference. Yes, it will be a little tough at first just because you and your kids are going against the grain. But as parents our goal is to raise happy, healthy, successful kids.

The changes are worth the effort.”

Here are a few of his insights and tips for parents and kids:

Yes, noise really is as bad as we think. Checking devices all day

long addicts everyone (kids and adults) through a dopamine feedback loop. It’s especially dangerous for children of all ages because their brains are still being formed.

Further, teens also have what neurologists call “a hyperactive risk-reward system” that makes them susceptible to addiction. Being tethered to technology isolates kids, puts them at risk for cyberbullying, divides their attention spans, and can impact their mental health. Between 2010 and 2016, the number of adolescents who experienced at least one major depressive episode leapt by 60 percent, according to

the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services (HHS).

The problem isn’t just about what kids are doing when they’re tethered to technology. It’s about what they’re NOT doing.

Noise teaches us to un-focus. That’s a problem because it’s the ability to focus on what matters that empowers us to do deep work, solve big problems, be better listeners, nurture relationships — all the things that create quality of life. We need to make sure kids learn how to manage their attention and discern what they’re letting in.

Set reasonable limits on technology and build quiet time into the day. Establish some rules around screen time and other forms of digital distraction. Maybe allow them half an hour to use their devices after homework is done each day. All other times, set an expectation that your kids unplug. Make sure they understand the value of having quiet time to unwind and recharge, and that they have an opportunity to spend time reading, journaling, or relaxing at home.

Make a “keep phones out of direct reach” rule. It’s not enough to teach kids to resist technology. Reaching for the phone has become a habit (as most adults well know) and that’s no coincidence. Phones and apps are designed to be addictive. So don’t let kids keep phones by their bed, or give them unlimited ac-

cess to play games or surf social media.

You might make a rule they have to keep phones at a central point in the house (like a charging station in the kitchen).

Keep them busy (but not too busy). When kids have a lot to do, they’ll

simply have less time to spend on devices.

Encourage them to play sports or participate in other afterschool activities. Also make sure they have regularly scheduled responsibilities at home, like walking the dog, vacuuming, emptying the dishwasher, and so forth. Older kids might even get a part-time job. When kids know they have to go to band practice, get in volunteer hours, and do chores before they get to sit down at the computer, they’ll get in the habit of prioritizing life over technology.

“Don’t keep them running every second of the day, though,” cautions McCormack. “Kids need down time like everyone else. Perhaps even more important, they need to learn how to navigate a noisy world themselves — they won’t always have a parent setting up activities for them.”

Instill the skills kids need to say NO to noise. In the age of FOMO

(fear of missing out), it’s tempting to give in to noise in all its forms. That’s why both parents and kids alike should practice saying no to digital distraction and information overload. Master these habits so you can tune out noise, and teach them to your kids so they can learn to do the same: 

Refuse to be a slave to technology’s beeps, dings, and buzzes.

When you hear an alert on your phone, say no. Better yet, silence any digital noisemakers when you are trying to concentrate, during dinner, and other family times, and so forth.



Practice single-minded focus. Do one thing at a time. Then move on to the next thing. Resist the urge to get distracted or split your focus by multitasking.



Take regular technology breaks.

Even better, get outside and take a stroll. A short walk each day helps you clear your head and process what’s happening in your life.



Learn present listening. Fully engage during conversations by be-

coming aware of your awareness.

Don’t let your mind wander. Be interested, concerned, and empathetic.

and a newborn, offer to help her get her bags into her car.”

“Narrate why you’re doing what you’re doing, and why you’re asking them to do so,” says McCormack. “Unless you tell them, they may not realize there’s a better way to live. This high-tech connected life is all they’ve ever known.”

parent, you are a huge influencer. If you’re perpetually distracted and addicted to technology, how can you expect them not to be?

Immerse kids in scenarios that teach them to connect. A con-

stant onslaught of noise hampers kids’ social skills development. That’s a problem because the ability to engage with others in a meaningful way matters more than ever.

Being able to influence, persuade, collaborate, and show empathy are no longer considered “soft skills” — they’re workplace survival skills.

Parents can help by putting kids in situations where they can practice connecting with others. Insist that they hold meaningful conversations at the dinner table. Make sure they converse with visitors rather than retreating to their room.

And make the world their classroom: Have younger kids place their own order at restaurants and (politely) send their food back when it’s wrong. Enlist older kids to negotiate for a different room if there’s a problem during a family vacation.

Look for ways to build empathy.

Kids’ brains are malleable. Whatever they spend their time doing influences their development. That’s one more reason why it’s important to limit their exposure to digital distraction and help them tune into the world and people around them. It’s also why parents should focus on instilling habits that promote empathy and the social intelligence that will help them thrive throughout life.

“Introduce your kids to a diverse range of people and encourage them to befriend those who are different from them,” says McCormack. “Teach them to respond to challenging situations through a lens of curiosity and understanding instead of judgment. If a classmate is snide at school, help your child come up with ideas as to why he or she may be behaving that way.

“And of course, model ways for them to help others in need,” he adds. “If you see a mom struggling to balance groceries

Above all, remember to check your own behavior. As a

When you spend hours watching TV or scrolling through Facebook after work, why would you not expect your kids to do the same? Spend your time in more productive, enriching, and rewarding ways.

And talk about it. Say, “I’m really enjoying this pottery class. I like being creative.”

Or, “I love working at the soup kitchen. It makes me feel happy to help others.”

Remember, this is not about disconnecting from technology. It’s an incredibly valuable tool when we manage it well (rather than let it manage us). Rather, it’s about teaching kids to make better choices, to discern what they let in, and to take charge of their time and attention.

It’s about giving them a life skill that will serve them well as adults.

“We go to great lengths to protect our money and property and other resources, yet we don’t think twice about squandering our most expendable, scarce resource,” muses McCormack. “We have limited time, so what we pay attention to really matters. That’s one of the most important lessons we can teach our kids.”

About Joseph McCormack: He is passionate about helping people gain clarity when there is so much competing for our attention. He is a successful marketer, entrepreneur, and author. His first book, BRIEF: Make a Bigger Impact

by Saying Less (Wiley, 2014), sets the standard for concise communication. Joe is the founder and managing director of The BRIEF Lab, an organization dedicated to teaching professionals, military leaders, and entrepreneurs how to think and communicate clearly. His clients include Boeing, Harley-Davidson, Microsoft, Mastercard, DuPont, and select military units and government agencies. He publishes a weekly podcast called “Just Saying” that helps people master the elusive skills of focus and brevity. To learn more, visit www. thebrieflab.com/noise/.

July 2020 WNY Family 29

complete a task.

HOW HEALTHY ARE YOUR CHILD’S EYES? continued... sharper vision. Your child may be squinting because this act compensates for blurry vision.

9) Poor Hand/Eye Coordination: This skill is required for everything from writing notes in class to playing ball with friends. Clear vision and adequate visual skills is required to create an accurate link between vision and other body movements.

10) Eye Rubbing / Squinting Rubbing: This is a basic response to ocular discomfort. It typically occurs when ones eyes are strained or have been working much to hard to

If your child is experiencing one of these symptoms schedule an eye exam with an eye doctor. There are two different types of eye doctors which are called an ophthalmologists and optometrists. An ophthalmologist has completed medical school and a 1-year internship followed by a 3-year residency.

These types of doctors can provide total eye care services. An optometrist does not attend medical school. Instead, these types of doctors have attended a 4-year professional program and received a doctor of optometry degree. Optometrists mostly prescribe glasses and contact lenses. Due to my poor vision and the fact I have had other vision issues, I go to an ophthalmologist every two years for a checkup and to receive updated prescriptions for my glasses and contacts.

Even though my mother didn’t think I would need glasses when I was twelve years old, she took me to see the eye doctor.

I’m grateful she did.

Originally published on Signature Moms.

Cheryl Maguire holds a Master of Counseling Psychology degree. She is married and is the mother of twins and a daughter.

Her writing has been published in The New York Times, Parents Magazine, AARP, Chicken Soup for the Soul: Count Your Blessings and Your Teen Magazine.

Just4Me Pediatric dentistry

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30 WNY Family July 2020

Make grocery shopping or visiting a farmers market an adventure by giving your child a list of healthy food choices to buy. Let your child pick a new fruit or vegetable each week to taste-test at home. Keeping the kids involved in their food choices will help them eat healthier! It is important to keep in mind that although some foods appear healthy to eat they may NOT be healthy for your teeth. Foods like raisins and fruit snacks are NOT healthy choices for your teeth due to the sticky sugar that can cause cavities.

The #1 cause of cavities in children today are the gummy vitamins. Each gummy vitamin contains 2-3gm of sugar that sticks in the grooves of your teeth, which is the equivalent to skittles

candy. Most local pediatricians agree that CHEWABLE vitamins are a better choice. Here are a few chewable vitamins that are available in local stores: Flintstones, Nature’s Way “Alive”, Big Friends Natural Factors and Natures Plus Animal parade.

Call “Just 4 Me” Pediatric Dentistry to keep those smiles healthy!!

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July 2020 WNY Family 31

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Our goal is to help your child lead the most independent and fulfilling life possible.

Call 716-629-3400 Visit TheSummitCenter.org 32 WNY Family July 2020

DEAR TEACHER – by Peggy Gisler and Marge Eberts

Helping all parents make their children’s educational experience as successful as possible

Expanding Your Children’s Arts Education

P

arents: For much of the past 30 years, schools have reduced classroom time devoted to the arts. Budgets have tightened, and the pressure to raise test scores, especially in math and reading, have played a major role in the decline of arts education from kindergarten through high school. The good news is that many school districts have begun to revitalize arts education.

It is important for students to study the arts in school. Many research studies show that arts education is associated with gains in math and reading. Its benefits, however, extend to encouraging creativity and the development of problem solving and critical thinking skills. There is also the fact that the arts can bring joy as well as learning fun to children, resulting in the creation of a satisfying interest in them throughout their lives.

Here are some fun arts activities. Hopefully, doing one or more of these activities this summer will result in a lasting passion that will enrich your children’s lives. You might also want to look at the Arts learning activities on our Dear Teacher website and those offered in your local community.

Start with Classical Music Introduce your young children to classical music early by playing pieces at home or while traveling in a car. Choose pieces in which they can actively participate, like “Radetzky March” by Johann Strauss, as it is traditional for listeners to clap along to this piece. They can pretend that they are galloping on a horse when they listen to the Lone Ranger’s theme song, which is from the “William Tell Overture.” And if they are into marching around the house, play the “Carmen Overture” by Georges Bizet.

To make this music more educational, be sure that you always tell them the name of the piece that you are playing.

Older children need to become acquainted with enduring classical music that everyone should recognize such as Bethoven’s “Symphony Number 5” as well as Tchaikovsky’s “1812 Overture.” Also, introduce them to Walt Disney’s “Fantasia” as well as Prokofiev’s “Peter and the Wolf” with the narration that describes orchestra instruments.

Introduce the Great Painters Just as children need to know something about classical music, they should also be able to recognize a few paintings that just about everyone considers to be the great ones. These pictures easily can be found online. Do introduce your children to the most famous painting of all — the “Mona Lisa” by Leonardo da Vinci. They should also be familiar with Vincent van Gogh’s “Starry Night,” “The Scream” by Edvard Munch, Rembrandt’s “The Night Watch” and Pablo Picasso’s “Guernica.”

And so, they know how different and interesting paintings can be, do show them works by Rene Magritte, Jackson Pollock, Salvador Dali, and Piet Mondrian.

Once your children have some familiarity with famous paintings; let them try imitating the art of some of them. They can dip Q-tips in paint to make paintings with only dots as Georges Seurat did. Or they can fling paint on a canvas laid on the ground as Jackson Pollock did.

To further enhance their knowledge of painting, take them to local art museums and art fairs.

Open Your Children’s Eyes to Sculpture Your children just have to open their eyes in cities, and they typically will see a lot of sculpture. For a start, most courthouses will have the figure called Lady

Justice. There are likely to be more sculptures in parks and in front of museums and libraries. Begin their introduction to sculpture with a walk to observe the sculptures in your city or a nearby one.

There are several huge and famous sculptures in the United States that you and your children can see through videos and in books. Acquaint them with Mount Rushmore, Crazy Horse Memorial, and the Lincoln statue in Washington, D.C. Beyond this, your older children should become familiar with such famous sculptures as the Venus de Milo, The Thinker, and David by Michelangelo.

Once your children have seen a variety of sculptures, turn them loose to become sculptors themselves through any one of the following activities:  



Young children can enjoy making edible sculptures with food.

And children of all ages can enjoy making sculptures with sand, clay, rocks, nuts and bolts, Tinker Toys™ and Legos. ™ With proper supervision, older children can carve sculptures from soap and even wood.

Start Everyone in the Family Singing Give your babies an early introduction to music by singing lullabies to them.

When they are preschoolers, introduce them to such classics as “Old McDonald Had a Farm” and “The Wheels on the Bus.” Then have them add activity to their singing as they sing “The Hokey Pokey.”

As your children get older, introduce them to the songs from popular musicals such as “The Sound of Music,” “Mary Poppins” and “The Music Man” through watching videos and encourage them to sing these songs. Look for productions of lighthearted musicals in your community for them to attend this summer. Many are held outdoors and can be enjoyed while picnicking.

Instead of introducing your children to famous works of opera, begin your introduction to opera with light opera. The works of Gilbert and Sullivan are a good place to start and are fun for the entire family to sing.

Parents should send questions and comments to dearteacher@dearteacher.com or to the Dear Teacher website.

July 2020 WNY Family 33

H

ello, readers!

My name is Richard De Fino; husband, father, and new columnist to Western New York Family Magazine.

I am very excited about this opportunity to share my story with you, and for what I hope will be a long-running journey with you and my family.

A few days before I learned about the open columnist position, my wife Andrea and I found out that we were moving back to Western New York from our time away in the Adirondacks. What perfect timing it all was I thought — moving back to the place where I met my wife and now I would get to write and talk about our baby and share our story — a story that, sadly, begins with infant loss.

I will admit, at first I was a little hesitant to propose this column to Michele Miller, editor and publisher of Western New York Family. Losing our son would change our lives in a way we could never imagine. It took a major toll on our friends and families, too.

We lost Louis, our only child, on July 28th, 2019. At 22 weeks and 6 days, Andrea went into pre-term labor and gave birth to Louis at 5:39am; he wouldn’t survive the morning. I wrote an essay about it for the April 2020 “Having A Baby” issue of WNY Family. But, as tragic as this was for us, there would be hope in the future! On December 30, 2019, we found out that we’re going to be parents once again this fall. Cue the celebration music! Right? Well, maybe not at first.

The emotions we felt trying to be happy for our second pregnancy, while still grieving the first pregnancy, cannot be put into words. We were filled with elation and grateful for the news, after all, we were trying to get pregnant again, 34 WNY Family July 2020

but at the same time, we felt as if we might be forgetting about Louis. On top of that, we were actually terrified about being pregnant again, with our biggest fear being that we would lose another baby. After Louis died, it’s safe to say that we’re on edge and will be for the duration of her pregnancy.

I remember saying to Andrea, how strange it felt that we were going to be parents for a second time, but how we were essentially going to be learning everything about raising kids for the first time. We didn’t have Louis long enough to actually “parent” him, so this time around, which would be the second time, will actually be our first time parenting. It’s weird when you think about it. When this initially occurred to me, as a writer I naturally wanted to document my experience with this conundrum of mine and share it with someone.

In regards to what I said before about the two of us not remembering Louis with the new baby arriving, we know that would never happen. Yes, we only had him on earth for a few hours, but we’ll always have our memories of him from before he was born. For instance, I remember when we named him and when I felt his first kick.

I remember talking to him through his mother’s belly at night and smiling at his ultrasound picture on the wall in my office at work. Every morning I smiled proudly at his picture at my desk and said “Hey Louie” while answering emails and taking phone calls as a Catering and Events Manager in the Adirondacks.

I do have to say that I feel good about the outcome of this pregnancy; nervous for obvious reasons, but definitely optimistic. We’re trying to remain in good spirits as we count down the days till September. Each month I’ll do my best to keep you updated along the way; that is of course with Andrea’s maternal-privileges to a first draft reading.

My goal with this column is to keep Louis’s memory alive and to try and raise awareness for perinatal loss. I also want to capture all the feelings, emotions, and experiences of being a new dad for the second time. The anticipation for all the firsts are overwhelming me in a positive way; first steps, first words, first hug — and even the first laugh that he or she will share with us and the world.

I’m ready for it all, and I would be honored if you, the reader, would be there for it, too.

Richard De Fino, a freelance writer by night, first became a father at age 34. After losing his first-born at birth, he was determined to keep his son’s memory alive the best way he knew how; through words. And with another baby on the way, he plans on capturing what it means to be a parent to a rainbow baby. Richard and his wife, Andrea, live in Western New York with their memories of Louis, and their dog Zeke, and two cats, Bebe and Georgie.

— by Kirsten Hawkes

PARENT PREVIEWS –

Making Media Entertainment An Easier Choice For Families

Trolls World Tour PG

VIOLENCE: (B) A character uses sonic blasts to destroy troll lands. A troll gets bitten on the backside.

A troll is dragged off. A character kidnaps and cages other trolls. Main characters are locked up in a cell. A fanged guitar growls when a string is put on it. A rock concert is held in a stadium that could look scary to some children. A main character is blasted by an electric charge.

SEXUAL CONTENT: (A­) None noted.

LANGUAGE: (A) None noted.

ALCOHOL / DRUG USE: (A)­­ None noted.

OVERALL RATING:

B+

UNIVERSAL PICTURES Released on DVD: July 7, 2020

For additional information on this film’s content, visit www.parentpreviews.com

T

rolls World Tour is a day-glo musical fantasy for kids. Eye-poppingly colorful, relentlessly cheerful, and filled with music-video-style montages, it will have young viewers happily bopping along to the tunes. Is it a great movie? No. But it could be a useful one.

The story, such as it is, is based on a piece of Troll history. All of the six Troll tribes used to live in harmony until conflict over music led to a sundering of the groups.

But now, Queen Barb (voiced by Rachel Bloom) of the Hard Rock Trolls is determined to seize all the magical music strings, play one power chord on her guitar, and forcibly unite all trolls under rock. As the kingdoms fall before her sonic blasts, only Queen Poppy (Anna Kendrick) and her faithful friend, Branch (Justin Timberlake) are willing to resist.

Trolls World Tour holds no surprises for adults but there’s a lot here for kids to enjoy.

The movie is beautifully animated, with a crafty, hand-sewn aesthetic that’s fun to look at. The music, although oddly homogeneous despite its varied genres, is pleasantly rhythmic and gives young viewers something to dance to or clap along with. And aside from brief moments of peril, there’s virtually nothing here to give youngsters nightmares.

The real reason to watch this film is for the messages it repeatedly imparts to children. As she begins her quest to save music, Poppy is filled with sunny optimism — she will find Barb, convince her that trolls are all the same, and become her best friend. But as Poppy travels through the troll lands and meets country trolls, and funk trolls and K-

TALK ABOUT THE MOVIE WITH YOUR FAMILY… Do you have a favorite type of music? What do you like about it? How does it make you feel?

pop trolls, she realizes that trolls aren’t all the same — they have different musical tastes and believe different versions of their shared history. A funk troll finally admonishes her, “Denying our differences is denying the truth of who we are.” Poppy learns that “real harmony takes lots of voices… different voices.”

If you’re trying to teach your children to truly value diversity instead of papering over differences, this is the movie for you.

Poppy also learns a critical lesson about the importance of listening to others. After repeatedly ignoring the advice of her friends, to the detriment of her mission, she realizes that she can’t be a good queen unless she makes an effort to understand the opinions of others. “You have to be able to listen to other voices even if they don’t agree with you,” she finally says. Parents dealing with squabbling children might find this message alone worth the price of the movie.

Decades ago, Mary Poppins sang that “a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.” There’s certainly a fair bit of medicine/messaging in this film, not to mention the product placement that will doubtless annoy parents more than their offspring. But it’s all mixed in with so much bright, sweet candy coating that it’s unlikely any kids are going to object. If they internalize any of these messages, their parents will enjoy the resulting harmony.

Poppy has a hard time listening to what Branch is trying to tell her. Why can it be hard to listen to other people? What can you do to focus on what they are trying to say and how they feel?

WATCH AT HOME… For the first installment of Poppy and Branch’s adventures, check out Trolls.

If you’re looking for more feel-good movies with commercial tie-ins, you can watch UglyDolls. Its advertorial nature is somewhat balanced by its positive messages of self-acceptance.

Music takes center stage in Sing, an animated movie in which various critters compete in a talent competition to find the best vocalist. Jim Henson’s beloved Muppets sing and dance their way through The Muppet Movie and its many sequels.

Disney’s Fantasia and Fantasia 2000 offer highly imaginative animated interpretations of musical pieces.

LOVED THE MOVIE? TRY THESE BOOKS… Young fans of the movie will be happy to dive into the many book tie-ins that are available. Poppy’s Big Day provides preschoolers with an introduction to the characters and plot of the film. They can also try Trolls World Tour Little Golden Book.

Slightly older readers will want to show off their reading skills with Trolls World Tour: the Junior Novelization by David Lewman.

July 2020 WNY Family 35

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River operations have even resumed in the Grand Canyon. Snagging seats on Grand Canyon rafting trips was impossible just a few months ago. However, pandemic driven cancellations by international travelers has opened up seats for some of Western River Expeditions 2020 departures. These are definitely trip-of-a-lifetime adventures and provide the perfect anecdote to the stress of the pandemic life.

Although most of the grand iconic national parks are in the west, Shenandoah National Park, is within a day’s drive of Western New York. It is in the process of reopening and hiking trails and other features have already opened. Skyline Drive runs 105 miles north and south, along the crest of the Blue Ridge Mountains and is the only public road through the park.

It is a narrow mountain road with 75 marked scenic overlooks and more than Shenandoah 500 miles of hiking National Park trails. The road was designed to give urban residents from the East Coast the national park experience that had become so popular in the great parks of the west such as Yosemite, Zion and Grand Canyon. The southern entrance of the park is 25 miles west of Charlottesville, Virginia.

Travel Tip of the Month: For New York State parks visit parks.ny.gov and find information on individual parks and telephone numbers. Campgrounds have opened and it may be possible to snag a reservation this summer. For national parks visit nps.gov. For Presque Isle State Park visit dcnr.pa.gov. For Grand Canyon raft trips and trips in Utah and Idaho visit www. westernriver.com.

Deborah Williams is a veteran travel writer whose work has appeared in national and international publications. She lives in Holland, NY and is the recipient of the Society of American Travel Writers’ Lowell Thomas Gold Travel Writing Award.

July 2020 WNY Family 37

Empower

Ability Inspire Advocate

— by Julia Garstecki

Special Needs Potential Thri

Growth Strategies

Special Needs and Pets

G

etting laughed at. Being ignored. Hearing about a party after the fact. Trying to be “one of them” only to fall short over and over again. People staring. Humans aren’t always kind. Life with a disability can be cold, lonely, and difficult. Fortunately, the world isn’t made only of people.

Pamela Rose, an animal expert in Western New York, works with many families to find the perfect pet. She also works with animal therapy. She understands why families which include people with disabilities would want a pet. She says, “Animals don’t care about popularity or strange behaviors. An animal is going to accept a person for their entire being, without judgment. Time with animals can create a safe space where a person can be themselves without penalty.”

Studies have shown pets have a positive outcome for children with disabilities such as Autism. These studies focused on “furry animals.” Anxiety and frustration levels were reduced when animals were present. Additionally, social interactions were more positive. There could be many reasons for the positive results. Some include the increased activity of walking and playing with the pet. Also, the responsibility of taking care of the animal can lead to increased confidence for a person with a disability.

38 WNY Family July 2020

And, socializing whether it’s talking to or relaxing with the dog can reduce stress.

A Service Dog or Just A… Dog?

Service dogs are truly incredible.

They guide people through busy city streets, prevent wanderers from leaving a house, and can even detect low blood sugar. Therapy dogs are well trained for specific purposes. This training comes with a hefty price tag. Autism Service Dogs of America says service dogs can cost more than $10,000. For people with disabilities who don’t require a trained service animal, a pet can still be beneficial.

Things To Consider

When helping a family choose the just right pet, Ms. Rose has several suggestions. Family members must be realistic about time, finances, allergies, and lifestyle. Rose also points out owners need to understand what the animal will need to thrive so it can provide the very best interaction. She asks families many questions when they are considering a pet. Some include:   

Will the animal need a special habitat?

How much additional expense will the animal cost the family?

What will the animal eat, and who

 

will feed it? For example, a snake eats only once a week, but does it eat live or frozen prey? Who will feed it?

What kind of exercise will the animal require?

Most of all, who will be responsible for the animal’s care?

Parrots are becoming increasingly common therapy animals. Parrots have been known to self-harm by plucking out their feathers during periods of anxiety or depression. Humans struggling with anxiety can identify with the birds, and in the process of helping the bird they also help themselves. After working with a veterinarian, owners of the anxious birds help train their feathered friend to get proper sleep, provide a healthy habitat, and provide plenty of good food and exercise. The idea is that this behavior can transfer to the human providing the caretaking.

Reptiles, especially snakes, are a great alternative for someone with allergies to fur or dander. Though snakes still require care and attention, they need less time and attention than furrier pets.

Snakes can be either shy or outgoing, and many actually interact with its owner.

What If You Can’t Own A Pet?

The healing power of animals is still an option even when a family cannot adopt their own. Audubon Societies are excellent places to spend time. In fact, the national message of the Audubon Society is to include all people with varied lives and perspectives, because this reflects the diversity seen in nature. It’s a wonderful place to watch birds, squir-

rels, and walk through the woods. The Jamestown Audubon Society has many trails and activities for children of all ages. Membership is inexpensive and Sundays are free.

Many libraries in Western New York have programs connecting dogs to readers. Dogs certainly won’t mind a stumbled word or slow reading fluency.

Check with your local library, as the dates can fill up fast.

The Buffalo Zoo offers lots of opportunities to spend time with animals.

The Cub Club, Little Lions, and various camps and programs provide opportunities for animal interaction. Or, simply strolling through the zoo can calm anxieties and provide a safe environment to think and talk.

Shop, Dine & Enjoy Summer IN THE VILLAGE OF WILLIAMSVILLE KIDS TOYS and FASHION on MAIN STREET! WE’RE OPEN!!!

A Pet Benefits the Entire Family

Pets aren’t just for the child with special needs. They help caregivers too.

The study that recognized the positive effects of dogs mentioned previously in this article was actually focused on caregivers of people with special needs. Results showed dogs had a positive impact on their lives too, with reduced stress and more positive interactions within the family. According to the study a pet is equally beneficial for the entire family.

Inviting a pet into your home is a major decision, as Ms. Rose addressed.

However, it’s definitely worth considering. Whether it’s helping a child socialize, calming anxieties, or just providing the excuse to sit and snuggle, a pet can offer immeasurable love and support.

And who couldn’t use more of that?

Special thanks to Pamela Rose, Web Services and Library Promotion Coordinator of the Health Sciences Library at the University of Buffalo.

Julia Garstecki is a proud momma to a three-year-old fur baby that has provided endless love and support to her entire family. Contact Julia for author visits or speaking engagements at julia@juliagarstecki.com. Follow her on twitter @ juliagarstecki

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TWEENS & TEENS — by Myrna Beth Haskell

Encouraging Leadership Qualities in Teens

H

ave you ever asked your teen the age-old question, “If your friends were jumping off a bridge, would you?” You may have been exasperated with your teen blindly following a friend straight into a troublesome situation. Perhaps he dared to take the car out past curfew because a friend called and begged to be picked up from a party. Maybe your teenage daughter decided to start dressing like a group of friends whose school garb looks like it belongs on a beach.

Teens listen to their friends and behave like their friends because they want to be accepted and feel like they truly belong to a group. But parents want their teens to make good choices and avoid succumbing to peer pressure. It takes a teen with an exceptionally strong personality — a leader — to oppose a peer group and have faith in his individual ideas and values.

Becoming a Leader Does your teen go along with the group, or does she do her own thing? Is leadership learned or an inherent part of someone’s personality?

“Leadership is learned behavior,” says Susan Kuczmarski, Ed.D., author of The Sacred Flight of the Teenager: 40 WNY Family July 2020

A Parent’s Guide to Stepping Back and Letting Go (Book Ends Publishing, 2004). She continues, “Leadership is not inborn to a select few. It is developed through experience. The most effective way of learning leadership is through doing.”

are leading and discern which individuals are best suited for various assignments based on their strengths.

Can Parents “Raise” a Leader?

Carole Lieberman, MD, a psychiatrist on the Clinical Faculty of U.C.L.A.’s Neuropsychiatric Institute, believes that parents can encourage leadership qualities in their teens. She suggests, “Go to the movies with your teens that tell stories about teen or young adult heroism, not through violence, but through using their intelligence, creativity, and courage.” She also recommends that parents encourage hobbies and sports where teens can feel proud of their accomplishments and start to teach others what they’ve learned. Lieberman believes that volunteer programs are great for teaching leadership skills as well as the importance of helping others.

Kuczmarski agrees. “Extracurricular activities are ideal places for teens to explore and practice what it means to be a group leader.” She reports that these activities nurture social learning and can provide a balance to an academically There are many leadership roles focused schedule. In addition, group acteens can seek in both the school settivities, such as planning a musical, help ting and their larger communities, such teens learn how to be leaders by providas team captain, class ing a set of tangible represident, scout leader, sponsibilities, deadlines, or religious educaSix Qualities and an opportunity for tion coordinator. These teens to be mentors for of a types of positions give new members. “You Successful teens hands-on experiwill be amazed at their Leader ence in leadership. rapid rate of growth and maturation,” she says.

• Honesty Kuczmarski has worked extensively • Respect for others and Besides providing with teens on leadership their opinions opportunities for teens to training, and she advis• Superb communication practice leadership roles, es that teens learn what skills parents can encourage a their leadership style is • Decisiveness positive self-esteem by in order to become an • Courage showing pride in their effective leader. They • Confidence teens’ accomplishments. also need to develop Dr. Kuczmarski intheir best qualities and structs, “Learn to praise use them. If a teen is adept at organizayour teen in a way that encourages her to tion, she might develop a list of specific acknowledge her own strengths. Praise tasks for officers in student government with a new level of enthusiasm.” to increase efficiency, for instance. KucMatthew Smith, owner and direczmarski explains that teens should also tor of Longacre Leadership, a summer understand the needs of the group they leadership camp for teens in Newport,

PA, urges parents to teach leadership by giving teens freedom and responsibility.

“Kids should be given responsibility at a young age, well before adolescence. This builds work ethic and self-confidence. If parents want to encourage leadership qualities in their teens, they must build their teen’s self-confidence. Leadership is about self-confidence — knowing you can make decisions and knowing you can take responsibility.”

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Coming up in September: TIPS & TALES “If you encourage your child to believe in her own ideas and make her feel good about herself, she will be less likely to be a follower.”

— Robert Babcock, Hyde Park, NY “If they want to lead, they must learn to serve others.”

— John Keller, Earlville, NY Myrna Beth Haskell is the author of “LIONS and TIGERS and TEENS: Expert advice and support for the conscientious parent just like you” (Unlimited Publishing, LLC). Her work has appeared in publications across the U.S. as well as internationally. Learn more at www. myrnahaskell.com.

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SINGLE PARENTING — by Diane C. Dierks, LMFT

Parenting 2020 A Proactive Approach Part 3 of 3

I

n this third part of our series on parenting in the 2020s, I hope to inspire single parents who are facing some of today’s tougher issues — issues that were either nonexistent 100 years ago or were not openly discussed. These include the problems associated with gangs, drugs, vaping, poverty, domestic violence, date rape, teen pregnancy and plain old-fashioned adolescent defiance.

These are difficult and sometimes overwhelming situations to deal with for a healthy two-parent family. Place any one or more of them in a single-parent household, and the ability to cope in a healthy effective manner is severely impaired. Let me stress, however, that these problems do not exist because single parents are less loving or less concerned than the so-called “nuclear” family.

More likely, the problems exist because there are complications unique to single parent families which tend to magnify already volatile situations. Here’s a few examples and some ideas on what you can do to minimize the negative in your children’s lives:

PROBLEM: Pre/post-separation arguments — Kids often witness a variety of arguments, discussions, and sometimes violent altercations, taking place between the parents they love.

Unlike many relationship scuffles, the arguments tend to focus on the children: child support, custody issues, who’s going to live where, and so on. This can contribute to a child’s feelings of insecurity, guilt, depression, anger, etc. — emotions which are associated with delinquent behavior.

WHAT YOU CAN DO: Refuse to fight — As difficult as it may seem, 42 WNY Family July 2020

you really can prevent most arguments that take place with your child’s other parent. Decide what you’re going to say in a conversation before it happens.

Knowing the other person will probably do and say everything possible to hit your hot buttons, anticipate them. Be prepared to either walk away or hang up the phone, taking a time out until you can discuss it outside the children’s presence. If the other person gets physically out of control, be ready to call the police. You can’t control what the other person says or does, but remember, one stable and self-controlled parent is definitely more healthy than two childish ones. If necessary, use the resources of private counseling or family mediation to resolve sensitive issues.

PROBLEM: Poverty — According to U.S. Child Support statistics released in 2016, there are 13.6 millon custodial single parents in the United States and only half of them have a child support order or agreement in place. In 2016, 40.6 million Americans had incomes below the government’s official poverty line, which was $24,339 for a family of four, including two children. Of those below the poverty line — 12.7 percent of the population — nearly 5 million were moms or dads heading single-parent families; 8.7 million were children under 18 in these single-parent homes.

Together, single-parent families and their children totaled almost 14 million people, which is roughly a third of all people in poverty. Sadly, children living in poverty are at a greater risk of getting involved in delinquent activity. Since there are currently nearly 17 million kids living with single mothers, the negative

affects of poverty will definitely play a key role in many of these children’s lives.

WHAT YOU CAN DO: Money can’t buy love — Although the statistics say children in poverty-stricken families are at risk for juvenile delinquency, don’t take it as a death sentence for your kids. There are many children whose parents are country club members, community philanthropists, and respected leaders who face the same risk. Why? I suspect it’s because parents who are more focused on their own lives (with or without money), don’t spend enough time getting to know their own children.

Kids who are competing with the hardships of poverty and wealth often lack the same things: parental love and guidance, and a sense of community.

Decide you’re going to give love and encouragement, even if it’s the only thing you have to give. Money can’t take away your values or your faith.

It may be tough to swallow poverty and still keep a smile on your face when the kids get home from school — but imagine how tough it will be to visit your child in prison, or worse yet, attend his or her funeral. You and your children can get involved in a vast array of nocost community programs that promote responsibility and self-esteem. Contact a community health case-worker or other community representative for details.

PROBLEM:

Two households/ two masters — A large percentage of children living in single parent households also have partial custody or visitation requirements with the other par-

ent. Depending on age, temperament, relationship with parents, and numerous other variables, kids with “two homes” are vulnerable to feelings of instability and confusion. They often experience opposing lifestyles, different discipline structures, and may be faced with conflicting morals and value systems.

WHAT YOU CAN DO:

Keep it stable — Experts say by the time kids are 10-12 years of age, they are able to understand the consequences of moral decisions. Long before then, you should begin laying the groundwork of the values you want to teach. Again, you can’t control what another person says or does, but you can counteract negative influences with positive ones.

sal — kids need you, their parents, as an example. Your children will mirror your lifestyle and if you’re not willing to change your bad habits, don’t expect anything more from your offspring.

toughest challenge. But it’s a challenge worth meeting since our 21st century leaders are counting on you!

The best teacher a child can have is a living, breathing example. Deciding what values you want to teach, and living them, is a good first step. Taking the time to understand the world around you — the one your child is facing — will serve you well. Teaching the skills necessary to succeed in the world will be the

Diane C. Dierks is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Atlanta, Georgia. She is also author of The CoParent Toolbox (2014 Aha! Publishing) and Solo Parenting: Raising Strong & Happy Families (1997 Fairview Press).

For more information, visit her website at www.dianedierks.com.

Develop clear-cut rules in your household and begin having family meetings when your children are young.

It has been proven kids want and need boundaries. In a friendly and non-emotional setting, outline the rules of bedtime, homework, television privileges, curfews, disciplinary consequences, chores, and whatever else makes up your family system.

Don’t forget to also reward good behavior, inject a lot of humor, and plan family fun activities to counteract all the rules. Balance is the key. As your kids get older, you will have the luxury of sitting down with them and talking calmly about the differences between the two households.

You can explain that experiencing different ways of doing things will help them choose how they want to live their adult lives. Understanding differences also teaches tolerance. If there are inconsistencies, immoral behaviors, or painful circumstances going on at the other household, it won’t take a child long to begin to see the differences between stable and unstable lifestyles. In the end, they will choose stability.

Of course, there are pros and cons to current parenting styles versus those used one hundred years ago. Some will argue the old style of parenting is still the best, while others will read every Google search to get the most updated version.

Regardless of how you choose to parent, one thing is timeless and univer-

YOU ARE ARE YOU WILL BE WILL BE

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GIRLS IN STEM BECOME WOMEN WHO CHANGE THE WORLD. LEARN MORE @SHECANSTEM ON INSTAGRAM July 2020 WNY Family 43

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Graham Cracker Flags

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his July 4th, we have a ‘berry’ patriotic way to celebrate and get crafty. Easy crafts, just the way I like it (having no craft skills whatsoever!)

We use red, white and blue for a fun breakfast waffle, with ingredients that are simple and flexible. And for dessert, there’s graham cracker flags. You can vary them to suit allergies and your family preferences.

Little ones can be hands on to decorate their own personal flag creation.

This is a great opportunity to review the meaning of the American flag, the colors (why red, white and blue?), the number of red and white stripes, and the number of stars.

“Art for Kids Hub” has an extensive video library for many ages and interests from sharks to Star Wars, Dora to Winnie the Pooh, best friends to zombies. If cars are your interest, they show how to draw Corvettes, Mustangs, Bugatti, Ferrari – really cool cars. This is a video for how to draw your own flag, a family does the drawing together, step by step. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ NGecEjMDew A few tips:  There are several brands of allergy reduced, vegan and gluten free waffles and graham crackers available at local stores.  White topping ideas: sliced bananas, yogurt, cream cheese, whipped topping, frosting, peeled apple slices, applesauce (okay, not quite white but kidfriendly).  Blue topping ideas: blueberries, blackberries, a little blue food coloring in cream cheese/frosting/whipped topping.  Red topping ideas: strawberries, raspberries, cherries, berry jam, berry compote, fruit leather.  Video recipe for Sweet Simple Strawberry Sauce h t t p s : / / w w w. y o u t u b e . c o m / watch?v=rAWWQSNyj78 46 WNY Family July 2020

Free of: DAIRY, EGGS, SOY, PEANUTS, TREE NUTS, WHEAT*, FISH, SHELLFISH, and GLUTEN* Yield: 4 servings Prep Time: 10 minutes Cook Time: 0 minutes

Waffle Flags Free of: DAIRY, EGGS, SOY, PEANUTS, TREE NUTS, WHEAT*, FISH, SHELLFISH, and GLUTEN* Yield: 4 servings Prep Time: 10 minutes| Cook Time: 5 minutes 4 square waffles* (allergy/gluten friendly) 2 cups yogurt (dairy and soy free variety) 1 cup blueberries 1 cup strawberries, sliced Gather all of the ingredients. Toast the waffles. Spread yogurt on each waffle.

Use the blueberries for the blue left corner of the flag. Arrange the strawberries in a striped pattern.

Variation: omit yogurt. Top with strawberry sauce. Arrange banana slices for stripes.

4 graham crackers* (allergy/gluten friendly) 1 cup whipped topping or frosting (free of your allergens) 1 cup sliced strawberries 1/2 cup blueberries 1 cup mini marshmallows Gather all of the ingredients. Spread whipped topping on each graham cracker. Use the blueberries for the blue left corner of the flag. Arrange the strawberries in a striped pattern, alternating with the mini marshmallows.

If you have any questions about our column, e-mail Kathy at allergy@roadrunner.com. For further information about food allergies, contact FARE www. foodallergy.org, or call 1-800-929-4040.

Kathy Lundquist is a Western New York parent whose son, now an adult, was born with severe food allergies. Over the last two decades, she has worked tirelessly in a variety of capacities to increase community awareness about food allegies.

THE KIDDIE GOURMET — by Barbara Blackburn

Mighty Taco

Zahz Pizza

5495 Sheridan Drive, Williamsville

596 Cayuga Road - Cheektowaga

(716) 565-1954

(716) 630-9249

~ SPOONS ~

~ SPOONS ~

mightytaco.com

FOOD 4/5 SERVICE 5/5 FAMILY FRIENDLY 4/5

B

efore the Pandemic, we rarely indulged in take out, but now for the past several months we are ordering twice a week — supporting local businesses. Anyway, knowing that our daughter Trina has an affection for Mighty Taco and must visit there every return trip from Florida, we ordered on the phone. We were surprised at their speed and by the fact that they had everything on our order.

My 3 Cheese Bean Burrito ($2.79) stuffed refried beans, cheese, salsa, sour cream, and salsa into a wrapper also included crumbled strip chips. I think a niño or niña would approve. An extra side of the $1.70 Strip Chips, although in a bag, were quite enjoyable, as they delivered a comforting crunch. A side of Quacamole ($1.80) sported nice chunks and was an upbeat addition to my burrito.

A savory Fajita Chicken Quesadilla ($2.79) offered a choice of wheat or white tortilla; a choice of hot jalapeno or mild banana peppers; and hot, medium, mild, or Buffito sauce. This grill-pressed delight was a quesadilla styled burrito, that pleased the padre. I might add that my burrito also offered a choice of Swiss/ American, cheddar/jack cheese, plus tortilla choice, as well as amount of heat in the sauce. As another fast food place says, “You can have it your way!”

A smaller appetite might order a small taco priced from $1.49 to $1.95, with toptions to fill the taco shell with chicken or beef.

Don’t skip dessert, our favorite — especially the Cherry Empanada with a fantastic fruit filling in the pastry ($.99).

Did you know that there are 21 Mighty Taco sites in the area, some incorporated, all offering drive-thru and take out service? You should be able to find one close to you. Should it be possible to sit in a restaurant again, know that the one we patronized had a pleasant seating area.

zahzpizza.com

FOOD 4/5 SERVICE 5/5 FAMILY FRIENDLY 4/5

Let’s

y t r Pa

Z

ahz, when the time comes will have a possible seating area.

However, we did take-out after consulting the on-line menu. There is a special for kids on the wall above the counter with a $6.44 plus tax deal including six Chicken Fingers, with fries. More about those fries later...

As for the pizza, the crust was not too thick nor too thin for WNY palates. The ingredients topping the pizza were plenteous. In our case, they were pepperoni, mushrooms, onions, black olives, and anchovies (the latter on only half of the pizza). Extras are $1.10 to $1.60 each. Classic Cheese Zah is $8.29 or $12.78.

My specialty Eggplant Submarine ($4.99/7.59), although on the soggy side, was pleasantly palatable: breaded and fried eggplant topped with homemade sauce, mozzarella, and parmesan. We liked the sassy sauce with undercurrents of sweetness and spiciness.

In normal times we never would have ordered a carbohydrate overload, indulging in French Fries, but these desperate times call for deliciously desperate decisions or measures. The fries ($2.00, $3.50, $4.99) were deep fried to perfection and seemed as if coated. Upon arriving home they were still crispy. I think opening the container for peeking and sneaking during the ride home helped.

If you haven’t been to a taco place lately, you may consider a chicken finger, steak, beef, or chicken taco, in the $3.00 to $4.00 range. Also, there are main course salads, in the $6.00 to $8.00 range.

Keeping with the deep fried delights, we munched on battered rings of fresh onion, fried to a crispy perfection ($2.50/4.00). Removing the food from some good, clean grease at the right moment is an achievement in deep frying.

Now when we motor past this familiar landmark on an often traveled road, we’ll associate it with happy memories of mealtime bonding at the home table.

One of the Nicest Things 5C8A0L-L0745 You Can Give Your Child TODAY! Is HAPPY MEMORIES! Invite Skiddles the Clown to Entertain at Your Child’s Next Birthday!

July 2020 WNY Family 47

48 WNY Family July 2020