August 2020

VOLUME 37, #6 AUGUST 2020

FREE!

65+

Ideas for

Summer Fun @ Home

FAMILY TRAVEL

Try A Treehouse!

RAISING DIGITAL KIDS

You May Need To Become A

20+ Programs for ACTIVE FUN!

Detective Mom

2 WNY Family August 2020

August 2020 • Volume 37 • Issue 6

EDITOR & PUBLISHER Michele Miller GENERAL MANAGER Paul Kline SALES REPRESENTATIVES Jennifer Staebell Paul Kline GRAPHIC DESIGNERS Karen Wawszczyk Melanie Schroeder CONTRIBUTORS Barbara Blackburn • Donna Phillips Richard De Fino • Deborah Williams Kathy Lundquist • Myrna Beth Haskell Mike Daugherty

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Where It’s At! Summer Fun

Features: 6n

65 Ideas for Summer Fun

by Christina Katz

8n

6 Budget-Friendly Backyard Activities

by Dolores Smyth

10 n

Backyard Games Will Always Be Favorites

by Katy M. Clark

12 n

7 Ways to Keep Kids Socialized from a Distance

by Kerrie McLoughlin

14 n

The Good Kid Bag

by Susan Sundwall

15 n

Virtual Summer Camp

by Tanni Haas, Ph. D.

46 n

The Family Pet The Heat Is On!

Editorial Submissions michele@wnyfamilymagazine.com MAILING ADDRESS: 3147 Delaware Ave., Suite B Buffalo, NY 14217 Phone: (716) 836-3486 • Fax: (716) 836-3680 PRINTED BY: Commercial Printing Division The Post-Journal, Jamestown WE ARE AN AUDITED PUBLICATION CIRCULATION (copies printed): 20,000 © 2020 Western New York Family, Inc. All rights reserved. Reproduction in any form without permission is strictly prohibited. Inclusion of an advertisement does not constitute an endorsement by the publisher.

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Regulars: 5 n Web Finds / FAMILY What’s New In The Kid Biz 18 n Family Travel Try a Treehouse for Your Vacation!

by Deborah Williams 22 n Raising Digital Kids Detective Mom

by Mike Daugherty

24 n Journey Into Fatherhood Preparations (and Countdown) to the Big Day

by Richard De Fino 25 n Parent Previews Summer Adventure Movies

by Kirsten Hawkes 26 n Pick of the Literature

by Dr. Donna Phillips 35 n Dear Teacher

by Peggy Gisler & Marge Eberts 36 n Special Needs Mild Cerebral Palsy

by Suzanne Koup-Larsen 38 n Tweens and Teens Safety First: Is Your Freshman Armed with Safety Strategies for Campus Living?

by Myrna Beth Haskell 40 n Single Parenting Help, My Child is a Miniature “Ex”!

by Diane Dierks, LMFT 44 n The Kid Friendly Kitchen Burgers

by Kathy Lundquist 47 n The Kiddie Gourmet Rachel’s Mediterranean Grill/ Soliday’s

by Barbara Blackburn

Directories: 16 n 28 n 42 n 47 n

Choosing Childcare The Fit Family Wellness Choices Let’s Party

You’ll find FREE courtesy copies of WNY Family at all Buffalo area Wegmans and 300 locations including Public Libraries, Doctors’ Offices, Child Care Centers and many of our advertisers.

(Look for us INSIDE Wegmans on the racks where newspapers are sold or at the service desk... but we’re still FREE...Copies are restocked twice a week, but they go fast!)

Find this entire issue online at www.wnyfamilymagazine.com August 2020 WNY Family 3

4 WNY Family August 2020

web.finds We figured most families are still spending a lot of time at home, with kids playing in the backyard, in the driveway, on the patio, or perhaps in the cul-de-sac out front.

If your budget allows, here are some outdoor toys we found that might help keep boredom at bay.

PLASMACAR

This winner of multiple awards ride-on toy is for ages 2 and up, can actually hold 220 pounds, and has no gears, batteries, or pedals.

PlasmaCar runs off gravity and friction as kids wiggle and turn the steering wheel. It currently sells for $79.99 on Amazon (https:// amzn.to/3hciWHP) but there are knock-off brands that sell for less.

STOMP ROCKET STUNT PLANES

Recommended ages 5-12 these “kid-powered” rockets are fun for grownups, too.

Run, jump, and stomp to see how high you can make any of the three planes included in this kit go. The Looper plane performs giant loops, Glider soars up to 100 feet, and Wildcat does all kinds of crazy tricks. Available on Amazon (https://amzn.to/3h3Avd8) for $29.99.

LEARNING RESOURCES PRIMARY SCIENCE METAL DETECTOR

Grownups of all ages love using a metal detector, so why wouldn’t kids?

This one is geared to ages 3 and up and lights up and beeps when metal objects are detected. Great for treasure hunts in the backyard, on the beach, playground, and everywhere in between. Sells for $15.98 on Amazon (https://amzn.to/2ZGVk8t) and can also be purchased directly from Learning Resources (www.learningresources.com), where you can register for a 30% off discount).

GOFINDIT OUTDOOR NATURE SCAVENGER HUNT

This game, which comes in a small pocket-sized bag, takes advantage of the natural curiosity of kids by having them look for various items on each card (containing a drawing and a descriptive word), which they can match up to anything relevant in their backyard, in a park, on a hike, etc.

Recommended for ages 3 and up but the whole family can play! Available on Amazon (https:// amzn.to/3995XE2) for $12.50.

What’s New...

IN THE KIDBIZ

FAMILY

WOMEN STILL DO MAJORITY OF HOUSEHOLD CHORES A family-owned cleaning company has revealed a third (32%) of men admit to never changing the bed sheets at home, and more than half (53%) have performed a chore badly on purpose. A little more than a quarter (26%) feel like they do not get enough praise for completing household tasks.

The research spanned three continents, where 6,000 members of the public were surveyed in total by Maid2Match, among them 1,000 men and 1,000 women each from the USA, Australia and the UK, on their household’s cleaning habits.

The results revealed that the majority of households still adopt a traditional setup when it comes to housework, with two thirds of women (66%) stating that they do the majority of or all household chores.

When the results were broken down geographically, it was revealed that less than a fifth of American men (18%) help with household chores on a daily basis.

On average, married men will spend thirty-five minutes a week completing household chores, whereas married women spend two and a half hours. In comparison, single men spend an hour and twenty minutes and single women spend an hour and fifty minutes, indicating that when married, men do less chores and women do more. Unsurprisingly married women with children spend the longest time out of all the groups cleaning.

A third (31%) of respondents with children say that their kids regularly help with housework, and the majority (72%) incentivize their children with money, with American parents paying an average of $8.50 a week for housework.

In response to the results, the cleaning service has developed a downloadable congratulatory certificate and reward chart, so households can give it to a member of the family when they’ve helped with the chores. The certificate can be downloaded here: https://www.maid2match. com.au/men-household-chores-statistics/ Lockdown in each country appears to have had an impact on household chores as well, with the majority (80%) of women stating they have spent more time cleaning over the past three months, compared to just a fifth (19%) of men.

August 2020 WNY Family 5

— by Christina Katz

C

amp, road trips, and family visits do a great job of keeping everyone engaged throughout summer. But what about this summer when COVID-19 has caused many of our favorite summer events to be cancelled or limited attendance to maintain social distancing?

Staying busy and keeping the kids engaged this summer does not have to mean over-spending. Galvanize attention by keeping a fun list of projects that can be done with scant money and planning. Many of these projects encourage upcycling household items or picking up a few inexpensive items up at the dollar store or resale market.

Consider any of the following projects that may interest your children, and print out instructions you find online.

Then pull all your potential projects into a folder, make a list of supplies, and pick them up to have on hand. Once the first chorus of “I’m bored” begins, you’ll be ready to dive into plenty of hands-on summer fun ideas.

1.

2.

3.

Build a simple and safe fire pit in your backyard.

Teach your children the proper safety precautions when it is in use.

Make a beanbag toss ladder game for playing after dinner.

Sign up for a far-away pen pal and write weekly letters, online or with actual pen

6 WNY Family August 2020

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

and paper. Check out: http:// www.studentsoftheworld.info/ menu_penpals_home.php Create a sizeable stack of summer reading books by purchasing them used in stores or online, or check them out of local libraries which are now open on a limited basis.

Bake homemade granola for energizing yet economical breakfasts.

Create an ultimate croquet game with obstacles impeding each wicket.

Make a bug, worm, and caterpillar circus for the day, and then let them all go.

makeover.

14. shortcake biscuits and serve

Mix up a batch of strawberry with homemade whipped cream.

15. lawn chairs in the yard while Give outdoor mani-pedis on listening to summery tunes.

16. band.

Start a homemade instrument

17

Pack a picnic, a . blanket, and some outdoor toys to take to an area park you haven’t visited before.

Make sock puppets and construct a theater for performing with them.

10. items and homemade bubble Blow bubbles with kitchen

formula. Recipes can be found online.

4. Grab binoculars, 11. a guidebook, and a notepad and take a bird watch walk.

Create bedroom window banners with craft supplies you have on hand.

12. oversized

Purchase an

bag of birdseed to make fresh bird treats to hang in your backyard.

13. Pull some

ho-hum wooden furniture outside and give it a colorful

18. feeders filled with homemade Court hummingbirds with syrup.

19. and encircle the house with Paint colorful garden rocks them.

20. with engaging activities for

Create grab-and-go tote bags

21.

each family member.

Gather items that signify your era and bury them in a time capsule.

22. china to have an outdoor tea Export table, chairs and

23.

party.

Add water to dirt piles and see who can get the muddiest puddle jumping.

airplane making 24. dirty, wash the 40. Haveanda paper flying competition. cars, the dogs, After you get and yourself.

25. ons into rain-

Melt old cray-

26.

27.

Gather seashells from old beach trips and embellish thrift store frames and mirrors. If you don’t have seashells, try using old buttons, painted macaroni, or other unique objects you may have in quantity.

28. morning to last a full week.

Research totem animals and 29. paint faces and bodies to Make enough desserts one

match.

30.

Have pets pose for photos 31. you can use to paint waterPlan, price and construct a tree house or outdoor fort.

color portraits.

32. for turning grass, leaves, Construct a composter

kitchen scraps, and twigs into potent fertilizer.

41.

Lay on blankets in the yard and read books of poetry from the library out loud.

42. fresh fruit slushies, and

Fill the wading pool, make have a tropical beach party.

43. models from kits on a porch While away the day making or patio.

44. nation you can reach from

Plan a hydrated hike destihome, then rest, then head back.

37.

When a rainstorm is fore38. casted, don old bathing suits Put on an outdoor playoriginal or adapted.

and swim goggles for a squirt gun fight with washable paints.

39. juggle.

Spend the day learning to

58.

59.

62.

wood and make them into signposts around the yard.

Have a good, old-fashioned

47.

whole family.

Fill a basket with finger foods and dine alfresco in your backyard.

49.

evening fun.

55.

56.

57.

46. water balloon fight with the

Paint words, names, or

shady spot.

35.

Spray a glow-in-the-dark 36. maze onto the lawn for

54. flat wall and let each child

45. destinations on scraps of

48. ing and shoes, then tie-die

Make homemade ice cream in a creative way.

books in it, so neighbors can trade you for theirs.

60.

61.

Camp out overnight in the yard.

33.

Recycle whimsical items 34. into a fairy garden in a

Build a little library by

Hang rolled paper against a

bow crayons using muffin tins.

Make a watchme-grow-up slideshow and send it to far-away relatives.

53. the curb and put your old

51.

Make found-object wind chimes to hang by front and back doors.

Grab a couple ladders, pool noodles, and folding lawn chairs and construct an over-under obstacle course.

Dig up some of your sprouting flowers and transplant them into old shoes.

Make up photo scavenger hunts for each other.

Pick up a putter, sink some plastic cups, and turn your yard into a mini golf course.

Lay on blankets by day and study the constellations you will watch for by night.

cal spa afternoon.

64. place of each child’s

Virtually visit a far-away choosing by visiting the library with each destination in mind.

65. patchwork quilt Make a family

by giving each family member a certain number of squares to finish by the end of summer.

Research, practice,

show complete with hats and capes.

Design and make kites for fall winds.

Make masks, scrubs and

them or decorate them with Sharpies.

50. and put on a magic

Decorate bikes by day for a sunset bike parade.

63. lotions and have a botani-

Gather up white cloth-

Come up with a fantastic family vacation that you can take at a future date, then start a “vision board” you can add to over time.

make a colorful graffiti statement.

52.

Create a family nature journal that Build a includes pressed samples and birdhouse from photos you can one of the many add to over time.

kits available.

Author, journalist, and writing coach Christina Katz remembers summer as a time when lazy days inspired imagination, creativity, and bliss, in the days long before cell phones.

August 2020 WNY Family 7

course can consist of:

— by Dolores Smyth

6 Budget-Friendly Backyard Activities

M

“

om, I’m bored!”

Those three words strung together can trigger waves of anxiety and eye-rolls in any parent, especially during the summer months when a child’s daily schedule is wide open while her parent’s is cresting to its fullest.

If summer camp isn’t a feasible option due to finances or COVID-19, your patience may have peaked to the point where you’re tempted to jump ship and let the kids get glassy-eyed for hours in front of their screen of choice.

If you’re looking for another option, look no further than to your own backyard for enjoyable and affordable ways

to have summer fun. Here are 6 budgetfriendly activities to keep your kids busy having a blast in your own yard.

1) Set up an obstacle course.

Backyard obstacle courses are loads of fun, can be easy or elaborate depending on the age of the child, and can consist entirely of objects you already own.

For younger children, an obstacle course can include: 

Hula hoops to hop in and out of



Buckets to weave around slalom-style



Yoga mats spread on the grass for forward rolls  A low balance beam to walk across  Balls to toss into laundry baskets  An inflatable pool to jump into at the end of the course For older kids, a more challenging

8 WNY Family August 2020



Folding tables to crawl under



Planters to jump over



Water balloons to transport by spoon without dropping



Balls to toss into boxes of decreasing size



A hose to knock down items lined up on a table or a stepladder



Newspaper pages to place underfoot with each step while racing across the yard toward the finish line

2) Channel a classic with a game of lawn Twister.

To make a grass-version of this classic game, purchase cans of marking paint in red, blue, yellow, and green from your local hardware store. To create the game grid: • Use a plate to trace a “Twister dot” on a piece of cardboard or poster board.

Trace a small circle for the smaller hands and feet of young children or a large circle for older players. Cut the circle out to create a hole in the cardboard or poster board and, voila, you have a Twister dot template.

• Place the cardboard or poster board template on the grass and spray paint through the hole in the template to create rows of dots. Be sure to place the dots close enough so that children can easily reach over from dot to dot, and be sure the game grid area is large enough to accommodate the number of children playing.

• Once the dots are all painted onto the grass, grab your (indoor) Twister spinner and start playing! If you don’t have a Twister spinner, write down each of the four directions (left hand, right hand, left foot, or right foot) for each dot color on separate index cards or slips of paper. For example, one card will read, “Right hand. Green.”

• Call out each direction and watch players stretch, reach, and balance as they strive to be the last kid standing on your lawn Twister board!

3) Make a slippery splash pad.

Have your kids change into their bathing suits for some slipping and sliding with this giggle-inducing activity. All you’ll need is a large tarp and a hose. Lay the tarp down in an area with plenty of space around all sides of the tarp. Run the hose on the tarp until it’s soaked and slippery. Keep the hose running as your kids splash on the tarp and slide on it barefoot or Superman-style. Give the kids boogie boards if you have them for added slippery fun.

4) Throw a fiesta with water balloon piñatas.

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Your kids can keep their bathing suits on for this wet and wild game of water balloon piñatas. For this activity, you’ll need water balloons, string, a strong piece of rope, and a plastic bat.  





Tie the rope between two trees or two other sturdy structures Fill the water balloons with water, tie into a knot, and then tie a string around each knot Tie several water balloons to the rope using the attached strings so that the balloons hang overhead like a row of piñatas Have each child take a turn swinging the plastic bat to see how many balloons she can burst in 30 seconds. Use a blindfold with older children to further test their skill.

5) Blast the sprinklers.

For more water play, your kids can stay cool in this at-home spray park, courtesy of your lawn sprinklers. If you have an oscillating sprinkler system, scatter water-friendly toys around the sprinkler unit for each child to scoop up before getting soaked by the swinging water stream.

6) Get creative with colorful water art.

Bring out your child’s inner artist with this game of water squirter art. Fill water squirters with water mixed with food dye, using a different color for each water squirter. Set down sheets of paper on the grass or tape sheets of paper onto trees and enjoy watching your kids paint colourful masterpieces.

Get your kids to release their Judo-grip on their tablets or phones this summer by turning your backyard into an activityfilled playland, all without breaking the bank!

Dolores Smyth writes about parenting and faith. A perfect day for her includes running, reading, and spending time with her husband and three kids. You can find her on Twitter @LolaWordSmyth.

August 2020 WNY Family 9

— by Katy M. Clark

Follow us on

/WNYFamily

/WNYFamily

Backyard Games Will Always Be Favorites

A

bout now, your kids are on the couch, staring at their devices or claiming that they are bored. Get them up and outside with these fun backyard games. Some are classic and some are more modern, but all of them will get your kids moving to beat summer boredom.

Freeze Tag

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10 WNY Family August 2020

This variation of the classic game of tag involves players freezing whenever “It” tags them. They must stay frozen as “It” tries to tag the other players, but they can unfreeze and rejoin the game if another player tags them. The game ends when “It” freezes all players.

Blob Tag

Another variation of tag, Blob Tag gets its name from the blob that grows over the course of the game. “It” chases the other players and tries to tag them.

If tagged, a player joins “It” by linking hands or elbows, forming a blob of two.

This new blob continues to chase the other players, adding to its blob as others are tagged.

Water Balloon Catch

Players stand across from each oth-

er tossing a balloon. After each successful catch, players take one step back. As the distance between players increases, so does the likelihood of popping the water balloon. If the thought of filling water balloons makes you tired, then try tossing bean bags or eggs instead — or buy “instant water balloons” which are self-sealing and rapidly filled all at once from a hose. (Search “Bunch O Balloons to find them at Target, Walmart, or on Amazon)

Sharks and Minnows

One child is the shark and stands in the middle of the yard. The other kids are the minnows and line up at one end of the yard. The object is for the minnows to get from one end of the yard to the other without being caught, a.k.a tagged, by the shark. If tagged, then the minnow also becomes a shark. The game is repeated as the number of sharks grows.

The last minnow is the winner.

Red Light, Green Light

A player is the traffic light, standing at one end of the yard. The other players line up on the opposite end of the yard.

The traffic light turns away from the oth-

er players and says, “Green light!” Players try to run as quickly as they can towards the traffic light. At any time, the traffic light can turn around and say, “Red light!” That’s when all players must freeze. If they are spotted moving, the traffic light sends them back to the start. The first player to reach the traffic light wins and gets to be the next traffic light.

Mother May I

Like Red Light, Green Light, one player, “Mother,” stands at one end of the yard. All other players line up at the other end of the yard. Players take turns asking “Mother” if they may take 1, 2, 3 or more steps forward. “Mother” answers “Yes, you may.” or “No, you may not.” The first player to reach “Mother” wins and gets to be the next “Mother.” This game invites creativity, too, because players can ask to take baby steps, giant steps, or even spins.

Blind Man’s Bluff

One player is designated “It” and is blindfolded. To start the game, “It” spins around 5 times as the other players disperse around the yard. Now “It” tries to find the others, who must stay rooted in the spot they landed when “It” stopped spinning. Players can dodge and duck from the seeking “It,” but they can’t move their feet. “It” moves around the yard until all the players are found, while whoever got caught first wears the blindfold for the next round.

So get the kids up and outside playing these backyard games. Maybe you’ll join in the fun, too. And if the crowd tires of group games, don’t forget the likes of sidewalk chalk, bubbles, jump ropes, hula hoops and nature walks to beat summer boredom.

Katy M. Clark is an award-winning writer who has been published nationally in Pregnancy and regionally in Ann Arbor Family, Atlanta Parent, and many more. She celebrates her imperfections as a mom at ExperiencedBadMom.com.

Award Winning Academy of Theatre Arts 2020/2021 ATA Theatre Season

Performing Arts Center located at 4231 Transit Road Williamsville, New York 14221

Fall registration is now open!

Spots fill up quickly, so sign up today!

For more information visit our website!

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• Nationally Award Winning Academy of Theatre Arts and The ATA Performing Arts Center is the only year-round full time theatre venue in Western New York created and designed solely for the development and training of children and young adults in the genres of acting, vocal performance and musical theatre dance. Dedicated to enriching young lives dramatically, ATA provides an extensive year-long venue, as well as our extremely popular summer camp program, for anyone between the ages of 3 and 18 who has an interest and passion for theatre arts.

• Not only does our Award Winning program excel in theatrical training, but with a generation now losing those communication skills needed to succeed in life, ATA uses theatre as a platform to teach and promote excellence in public speaking, self esteem, confidence and personal skills.

August 2020 WNY Family 11

— by Kerrie McLoughlin

7 Ways to Keep Kids Socialized from a Distance

T

he “new normal” can be disorienting and frustrating at times. Your kids have friends who they have only seen physically from the end of their driveway.

Your parents have been staying inside since the COVID crisis began, and your kids miss seeing Nana and Poppy in person. Lessons, camps and even school are being done in front of a screen – and it could continue at least through the end of the year.

This is no time to despair! At first my kids were super sad about not being able to do as many social things in person, but soon they got busy and crafty (oh, the lovely paintings hanging on my walls!) while also finding creative ways to keep in touch with friends and family.

Check out some of these ideas!

1) The drive-by birthday celebration. Make sure your child’s

birthday is recognized while you all stay safe and healthy. Secretly organize a group of friends to meet at a closeby location (like a mall parking lot) and then they can caravan by your house honking and waving balloons and streamers.

Friends and family can drop a gift or card by, but remind them to make sure it’s something non-perishable which can be set aside for up to 72 hours if you have a hard-core need to avoid germs (elderly family member living in your home, immuno-compromised, etc.).

2) The social distancing playdate. Unfold those

comfy camping chairs on the driveway or in the yard for some six-feet-apart chat sessions. We do short visits when we are out and about to drop something off or pick something up at my girlfriend’s house, and the kids also get to give each other

12 WNY Family August 2020

some shout-outs from afar. Consider coming together for a book club for kids or a sewing/knitting circle. Melissa R., mom of three, says they do “meet-ups at local creeks. With neighbors, they play outside, distanced with FaceTime going so they don’t have to yell across the spaces. In the fall, we will continue much the same. We try to get a group together of similar risk tolerance levels for outdoor activities.”

3) Snail mail.

Now is the time to send those things made in the sewing circle and during the video socializing tutorial sessions to the grandparents and other friends and relatives!

Old-fashioned letters and surprises in the mail are such a treat! One of my daughters went nuts with some 12 x 12 blank canvases and painted pictures for her grandparents, which I will be popping in the mail or dropping on their porches.

4) Video chatting. Cathie Maschler, mom of four, says, “My kids

are staying in contact with friends through Zoom meetings and FaceTime chats mostly.” Don’t forget about Skype, Facebook Messenger, Instagram and any other supervised way kids can connect “face to face.” This is easier for my teens, who have their own phones. The other three kids take turns using my phone for their social visits, and I appreciate the screen break for myself. My daughter does origami tutorials with her friend after another friend has taught her some new things to make.

Katie D., mom of four, shares that they “visit with friends electronically while they craft, watch a show, or exercise.”

5) Words. Texting, emailing, blogging, oh my! There are so many ways to stay in touch without touching.

Bonus: it helps them practice reading, writing, grammar, graphics, editing and typing skills.

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6) The Marco Polo app!

Check out the Marco Polo app for a FaceTime-meets-voicemail experience, where you get to leave and receive video messages, and they don’t disappear… you can save them on Marco Polo indefinitely and also save them to your phone or forward them to other family members.

7) Online activities. Melissa R. shares, “We are doing online summer camps, which are going well. Sleepovers, chats, and playdates with friends are all done virtually.” I know families who are continuing activities like ballet, Irish dance and karate online – and loving it!

Kerrie McLoughlin’s special kind of chaos can be observed at TheKerrieShow.com.

Higher education has become a major investment, whether prospective students are freshfaced undergrads or mature adults seeking career change or advancement.

WNY FAMILY READERS DEFINITELY PLACE A HIGH PRIORITY ON EDUCATION. REACH THEM IN OUR SEPTEMBER 2020 ISSUE SPECIAL SECTION “SHAPE THE FUTURE.” 59% plan to invest in education/classes for their children or themselves in the coming year.* 33% have children between the ages of 13-18, preparing to make decisions about their college choice and careers.* *Source: CVC Audit, June 2019

Space Reservation Deadline:

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CALL 716-836-3486 EXT. 104.

August 2020 WNY Family 13

Susan Sundwall is a grandparent who says, “Grandmothers are caregivers like myself who look forward to the days of summer when the young ones will storm the back door. It helps to be ready. The following article details one of my many coping strategies.”

We thought during this summer of COVID-19 that Susan’s “Good Kid Bag” reward idea might help you get through the days when your children are whining about boredom, squabbling with each other, or are just being plain, old uncooperative!

L

ast summer I knew I’d have charge of three of my grandchildren at least once a week while their parents worked. As the calendar days swept by, something nagged at me. How to keep them engaged and getting along for the six or seven hours they’d be in our home?

They all grinned as I explained that this would take some concentrated good behavior and an attitude of fair play. I put the bag away and we got on with other activities.

All three girls love surprises. They love to unwrap things. They love to earn rewards. While cleaning one day, I came across a small zippered bag I’d received as a gift. I was about to toss it when the idea of a “good kid bag” struck. What if I found similar treasures and used them as an incentive for good behavior? In the closet I found a pretty gift bag — perfect. I knew I’d need more than just what was around the house so I took off for the dollar store.

The Good Kid Bag

Keeping it simple and not too loaded with sugar, I purchased items for the bag. These included a small notebook, a quirky pen with a mop top that cleans a cell phone screen, breath mints, colored pencils, and various other inexpensive delights.

At home I dug out some paper, tape, and stray pieces of ribbon and began wrapping. I placed a colorful sticker here or there on a package or tied them up to look like old fashioned poppers. For a few of them I used a small box or a nylon drawstring bag. Then I tossed them all into my bag marked “Good Kid Bag.” I wrote down some guidelines.

14 WNY Family August 2020

— by Susan Sundwall

1) No advance peeks into the bag 2) Arguments, tantrums or teasing during the day disqualifies you from a grab 3) Once an item is chosen and opened there are no complaints about your choice On their first day at grandma’s I would explain the bag. I was still dithering about whether to allow a blind grab or would some thoughtful gift examination be better? The next hours would tell.

“What’s that?” asked our oldest granddaughter, the first to arrive.

“Wait until your cousins get here,” I said.

Her eyebrows went up, but she stayed cool. In no time, her cousins arrived and the Good Kid Bag was revealed along with the guidelines.

They had been on their best behavior all day and at about four o’clock the youngest popped into the kitchen to remind me about the bag. I retrieved it and went over the rules again and on the spot decided that examining each wrapped item might add some mystery and excitement to this activity. It did.

This wasn’t a special event like a birthday or Christmas, but it almost seemed like it. Each kid’s nose went into the bag and a wrapped package pulled out. One or two were exchanged. Nobody wanted to go first and maybe be disappointed by their choice. Finally, the oldest ripped into the paper and found a container of watermelon-flavored gum. She beamed. The other two couldn’t wait now. A small notebook with a matching pen and the zippered bag I’d found while cleaning were the next mysteries unveiled. No one seemed disappointed.

The Good Kid Bag was the hit of the rest of the summer. A couple of incidents of quarreling did break out but they warned each other that a treat from the bag was at stake. Just as I’d hoped would be the case.

Susan Sundwall is a freelance writer living in upstate New York and delights in the care of her grandchildren who always give her pause for thought.

— by Tanni Haas, Ph.D.

Happy Camper Live

Virtual Summer Camp A Great Alternative to Traditional Summer Camp

A

s summer camps across the country are cancelling the season, a new and exciting alternative is cropping up instead: virtual summer camps. These camps, which range in duration from one-day sessions to two-month virtual stays, capture much of the magic of traditional summer camps.

If you’re looking for some great activities for the kids, consider enrolling them in virtual camps this summer where they can experience all the fun from the comfort and convenience of home. And the kids can “attend” camp in their PJs if they want! All they need is a computer with audio and video connectivity.

In general, there are two types of virtual summer camps. Some camps replicate the traditional camp experience, with virtual cabins, cabin activities, and themed days.

Other camps focus more on developing certain skills or interests. However, all of them have one thing in common: they’re

either completely free or much less expensive than traditional summer camps.

If you want to give your kids the fullest possible experience, enroll them in one of each kind of camp.

Two of the largest virtual camps that resemble traditional camps are Camp Supernow and Happy Camper Live:

Camp Supernow

(https://www.campsupernow.com/) Designed for kids ages 6-11, campers can either choose to join a private cabin with their regular friends from home, or join a mixed cabin with kids from around the country. Each cabin is led by a counselor who guides all the activities which include virtual dance parties, field trips, icebreaker games, invention challenges, science experiments, and theater performances. Like in most traditional summer camps, each day has a specific theme such as “Design and Invention Day,” “Outer Space,” or “Pirates.”

(https://www.happycamperlive.com/) This is a camp for kids of all ages where campers can choose from hundreds of daily activities like arts and crafts, cooking, music, performing arts, and sports. The camp has a virtual campfire with a live talent show and a camp store where kids can buy camp equipment, gear, and clothing to make them feel a part of the larger camp community.

There are hundreds of specialized summer camps across the country. Two of the very best, which also happen to be completely free, are Code with Google and Maker Camp.

Code with Google

(https://edu.google.com/code-withgoogle/?modal_active=none&storycard_activeEl=enhance-any-subject) Here, kids learn different computer science skills, including how to build online games and how to code using various programming languages.

Maker Camp

(https://makercamp.com/) Kids learn STEAM (science, technology, engineering, art, and math) skills though fun hands-on projects. They can choose to learn how to cook, do magic tricks, create robots, and develop seed balls, and many other activities.

For a comprehensive, searchable database of hundreds of virtual summer camps across the U.S., see ActivityHero (https://www.activityhero.com/).

Tanni Haas, Ph.D. is a Professor in the Department of Communication Arts, Sciences, and Disorders at the City University of New York – Brooklyn College.

August 2020 WNY Family 15

Your Guide to

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Parent’s Day Out 22 Months and Up

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he usual questions parents ask when choosing a childcare provider are of less importance this fall than how well providers are adhering to the standards that have been put into place to stop the spread of COVID-19. No child care program can operate without meeting the minimum State standards, as well as any federal requirments.

What follows is a summary of only some of the measures that are to be taken to protect our children. A complete set of guidelines, which also apply to day camps, can be found at https://www.governor.ny.gov/sites/governor.ny.gov/files/atoms/files/Child_Care_Daycamps_Detailed_Guidelines.pdf.

• Employees must wear face coverings at all times when they are interacting with children, regardless of the distance between them.

• Frequent and thorough hand hygiene for both staff and children — upon arrival to the first program activity, between all program activities, after using the restroom, before eating, and before departing the last program activity.

• Group size must be limited to no more than 15 children unless a smaller regulatory grouping applies (i.e., infants, toddlers).

• Groups of children should remain as “static” as possible; the same children stay with the same staff member whenever and wherever possible.

• Groups of children should have no or minimal contact with each other and not utilize common spaces at the same time.

• Staff should not rotate among groups of children unless there is an unforseen circumstance (i.e., staff absence).

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New York State Department of Health Guidance During COVID-19

• Sleeping surfaces, including bedding, must not come in contact with the sleeping surfaces of another child’s rest equipment during storage. Mats and cots must be stored so that the sleeping surfaces do not touch when stacked.

• Limit sharing of personal items between children by keeping each child’s belongings separated from others’ and in individually labeled containers or areas and ensure they are taken home and cleaned and disinfected regularly, as possible.

• Ensure that equipment and toys are regularly cleaned and disinfected using registered disinfectants. Implement measures that limit

children from using toys that cannot be cleaned and sanitized, (e.g., soft toys, dress-up clothes, puppets).

• Strongly encourage children not to bring in toys from home. Should a toy from home be brought to the child care, it must not be shared with others.

• For meal times, serve individual portions for children, keep stable groups of children separated, separate tables with seating at least six feet apart, consider staggering mealtimes to reduce occupancy in an indoor space or outdoor area.

• Focus on activities with little or no physical contact.

• When diapering/providing assistance with toileting, wear gloves, wash hands (staff and child), and follow cleaning and disinfection steps between each child.

• Provide appropriate cleaning and disinfection supplies for shared and frequently touched surfaces (e.g., door handles, multi-seat strollers, handrails, toys, art supplies, areas where children eat) and encourage employees to use these supplies following manufacturer’s instructions for use before and after use of these surfaces, followed by hand hygiene.

• Conduct regular cleaning and disinfection of the site and more frequent cleaning and disinfection for high risk areas (e.g., common areas, doorknobs, handrails, bathrooms, kitchens) used by many individuals and for frequently touched surfaces.

• The State’s cleaning and disinfection guidelines can be found at https://coronavirus.health.ny.gov/system/files/documents/2020/03/ cleaning_guidance_general_building.pdf • A staff person should be designated as responsible for responding to COVID-19 concerns. Employees and parent/guardians should know who this person is and how to contact them.

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Showcase your Center & increase enrollment with our Choosing Childcare section!

Source: Circulation Verification Council Audit, June 2019

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Maple View Tree House

3450 pencil sharpeners of every possible description. They pay homage to everything from the Barbie doll to the fallen World Trade Center.

Ever wanted to stay in a treehouse?

Or how about a B & O railroad car or a 19th century general store converted to a comfortable cabin? Hundreds of cabins are tucked into woods and on lakes.

Most are ideal for families and in some cases the family dog.

Who could resist the opportunity to spend the night in a real treehouse that offers an unforgettable setting? Among the Trees Lodging has three different treehouses tucked away in the woods.

The aptly named Maple View Tree House is perfect for a family of four.

Nestled among a grove of sugar maples, the house is actually suspended in three of these great trees.

Try A Treehouse for Your Vacation!

H

ocking hand to answer quesFAMILY TRAVEL Hills has tions and give direcit all. tions. Area cell phone — by Deborah Willliams This rural Ohio woncoverage is spotty, and derland seems to be especially designed a GPS is a good idea. for family travelers in these While here, stop at the uncertain times. Located Paul A. Johnson Pencil about an hour southeast Sharpener Museum, of Columbus, it is full America’s only sharpof unexpected delights ener museum. It is round every bend considered the counin the road. It is the try’s largest collection state’s premiere outwith approximately door adventure destination.

More than 10,000 acres of forests make it the ideal family eco-adventure vacation.

There are state parks, lakes, rivers, forest preserves, and a multitude of activities designed for all ages and abilities.

Be sure to stop first at the Hocking Hills Regional Welcome Center for information on area attractions. The displays and interactive exhibits tell the region’s story. Friendly volunteers are on 18 WNY Family August 2020

“We always loved the idea of treehouses,” explained Linda Klug, one of the owners.

She and her husband worked in the high-tech industry in California and decided to join her sister and brother-inlaw who were already living in the area and launched the treehouse project three years ago. They also have a nearby 32bed lodge — perfect for family reunions or other large gatherings.

Walking across the cable bridge to the large deck my nagging worries quickly faded away. Maple View is another world high among the trees and birds. It is peaceful, secluded and quiet.

Down below in the hollow deer and other wildlife are often spotted. Expansive windows allow great views from any-

Maple View Tree House

where in the house. Kids love the sleeping loft with twin beds — reachable by a wooden ladder. A hot tub invites soaking and star gazing.

Star gazing is a popular evening activity in this region since it is a dark sky area, largely free of city lights. Be sure to visit John Glenn Astronomy Park, named in honor of the famed astronaut and Ohio’s favorite son. Reservations are required for programs that can include viewing the moon, planets, stars, and galaxies through a giant telescope.

There are also day-time activities including a solar system walk.

Parks are open and where necessary hiking trails have become one way to avoid crowding. Families with children of all ages and some with dogs of all sizes were enjoying the hike on Rock

House trail on a recent weekend.

Rock House is the only true cave in Hocking Hills State Park.

It is a grand tunnel-like corridor that is midway up a 150-foot cliff of Black Hand sandstone.

The cavern features natural cut-outs which look like windows. Used by Native Americans for turpentine stills, by pioneers for animal shelter, and even by criminals for a hideout, the cavern has a colorful history.

Kayaking and tubing are popular summer pursuits on the Hocking River and area lakes. There are outfitters and

Rock House

marinas with rentals available for all interests and abilities. The boathouse at Lake Hope State Park rents single and double kayaks, stand up paddle boards, pedal boats and pontoon boats.

Hocking Hills Adventures offers trips by canoe, kayak, raft or tube. Special events include romantic Moonlight tours and Torchlight tours. They also have packages that include gokarts, miniature golf and horseback riding.

Lake Logan State Park is a toprated Ohio fishing spot and offers boat rentals, a beach area for swimmers and picnic areas.

Hocking Hills Canopy Tours is a must-visit for adrenalin junkies with an array of zipline tours. The SuperZip is over a quarter mile long and reaches speeds up to 50 mph. Two zippers are launched at a time from an 85-foot tower. Then you’ll dive into the forest, fly through the trees, until the bottom drops out at the edge of a rock cliff and then swoop down the middle of the Hocking River while flying in a “super-hero” flying position.

There are also 2.5 to three-hour treetop adventures with professional guides as well as shorter Discovery Tours.

Best of all for families with younger children, ages 5 to 12 years, there is the

continued on page 20 August 2020 WNY Family 19

DragonFly Zipline Adventure

FAMILY TRAVEL continued...

DragonFly Zipline Adventure for kids. It includes eight kid-friendly ziplines and four adventure bridges.

It has a unique system that allows children to stay connected to the cable from start to finish with no transferring. During our visit fiveyear-old Ellie was confidently mastering the course under the watchful eye of her mother.

For another unforgettable family experience, check out High Rock Adventures. Under the guidance of co-owner Steve Roley and his experienced guides, families with children as young as six can enjoy the excitement of rappelling, (descending from a steep incline) from 35 to 90 feet.

A guide is at the top and another below.

During our visit a family group with a nine-year old boy, teenagers, parents and 64-year-old grandmother were not only rappelling down massive rock face but turning upside down on the way down.

High Rock Adventures also offers rock climbing tours through the beautiful sandstone cliffs and rocks for all skill levels and cliffs from 35 feet to 100 feet. The guided nature hikes are less heart stopping but full of information on the geology, history and the many unique plants 20 WNY Family August 2020

and majestic trees in this private area.

Apples are ripening in the area orchards and Hocking Hills Orchard offers an apple picking experience like none other. Owner Derek Mills has a passion for heritage apples and his orchards boast more than 1,600 varieties including one that can be traced back to Roman times. Ever see purple apples or apples with red flesh?

They are here.

Mills especially likes the

Lockhart Ironworks

Newtown Pippin, George Washington’s favorite and the Esopus Spitzenberg, Thomas Jefferson’s favorite. Other top choices are the Cornish Aromatic dating from 1500, the Decio, from the Roman era and the Niedzweckyana, a red flesh apple from Kazakhstan.

Ever visited a real blacksmith shop?

There’s one here that welcomes visitors and even conducts classes. You will likely meet owner Doug Lockhart, who wears a kilt in homage to his Scottish ancestors and is an impassioned blacksmith.

“For 39 years my family and I have been operating a traditional blacksmith shop and we still do some jobs like iron fences, but our specialty now is making hand forged cooking pans,” Lockhart explained.

“These pans have a lifetime guaran-

Columbus Washboard Company

tee and they are made here and not overseas. People like that and they can talk to us or even come here and see a pan being made.”

The Columbus Washboard Company has been manufacturing washboards since 1895 and 21 years ago it moved from nearby Columbus to Logan, a small town in Hocking Hills. Stop by for a tour of the only washboard manufacturer in the country and pick up your own washboard and vintage home cleaning supplies. Look for the world’s largest washboard on the side of the building.

“The pandemic has actually increased our business,” said James Martin, factory manager who hails from London, England.

He takes great pride in the factory’s unique product that is assembled by hand. He explained that some New York City residents were afraid to go to laundromats and ordered the washboards for their laundry needs.

Travel Tip of the Month: The Hocking Hill region is an easy day drive from Buffalo — about six hours — perfect for a weekend visit. For more information visit explorehockinghills.com or call 800-HOCKING (462-5464). Be sure to check for up-to-date information on openings.

For a stay in a 1920s train caboose, the Martin Country Store or other his-

toric buildings visit fiddlestixvillage. com. For a treehouse stay visit amongthetreeslodging.com and for comfortable log cabins in the woods visit cedargrovelodging.com. There are also hundreds of other cabins, camping, hotels, motels and B&Bs.

Deborah Williams lives in Holland, NY and is a veteran travel writer whose work has appeared in national and international publications. She is the recipient of the Society of American Travel Writers Lowell Thomas Gold Travel Writing Award.

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Family RESOURCE Guide A Resource Guide for Busy Families In our Print & Digital Edition, choose from a basic line listing, display ad, or for more visibility choose a “Spotlight” advertorial.

To advertise or for more Information: Contact Your Ad Rep Directly or Call 836-3486 x104

All listings featured on our WEBSITE DIRECTORY!

August 2020 WNY Family 21

RAISING DIGITAL KIDS

as well. The information in the screenshot indicates precisely when the search or searched occurred. You will need to think about what was going on in your home when this was taking place. Was this a typical Tuesday evening with just your immediate family, or was this a Saturday afternoon when you had a houseful of people? The where and when are critical to figuring out the last piece of the puzzle: The Who.

— by Mike Daugherty

The Who

Detective Mom

Y

ou discover someone has searched something inappropriate on one of the devices in your house. This is an all too common scenario that plays out in households across the country. On the surface, this seems like Parenting 101, right? Find the culprit and implement an appropriate level of discipline. Unfortunately, it is seldom that simple.

The “who did it” and “what did they search” makes this a much more complex issue to address. Put on your detective hat! We’re going to take the classic board game “Clue” approach to help you determine precisely what happened and how you can address it. You need to figure out three main items with Clue: Who, Where, and What. Let’s start with the What.

The What Take a breath. You may be overreacting. What you saw in the search history may be a perfectly innocent query, depending on what exactly was searched. The “What” is the easiest of the three main pieces you need to determine. The first thing you should do is take a picture or screenshot of what term or terms were searched and when this 22 WNY Family August 2020

occurred. Screen captures of the original issue will ensure you don’t accidentally erase the evidence as you investigate the issue. Be sure to scroll through the history a bit to see if this was a one time search or something more pervasive.

Once that is complete, use Google to search the exact same phrase for yourself. Review the links that appear in the search results. Make sure to click “Images” at the top under the search bar to see the term’s pictures. It is essential to know what links and images your child may have been exposed to. Knowing what they may have viewed will be important when you discuss what happened with them. You will get the most accurate results by doing this from the same device on which you initially discovered the questionable search. You can use your smartphone if that is not an easily accessible option. The collection of search results is your “What.”

The Where (and When) The date and time from the screenshot in step 1 should help you narrow down when this has been happening.

The stay at home orders should help

You have determined what was searched, how often it was searched, and when these searches occurred. Learning who did the searching can be the trickiest part. You assume that a family member is at fault. You probably already have a certain someone in mind. Don’t jump the gun, though. Remember your where and when detective. If the search occurred on a shared device like an iPad, outside individuals could be involved.

I’ve spoken with several parents who discovered it was a friend over for a play date or an older relative who made a poor choice. In some cases, this will be a slamdunk, and you will have no doubt about who you need to speak with. In others, though, the waters can be a bit muddy. The best advice I can give is to be thoughtful during this process. Don’t jump to conclusions.

Honest Conversations Congratulations, detective! It was Colonel Mustard in the kitchen with the lead pipe. Well, sort of. It was your middle child searching “naked girls” on a Kindle during a sleepover with his friends.

The best thing to do is to choose a time to have a conversation with your child about what you found. Find the time when you can sit with them in a quiet place without anyone else around. I believe it is less embarrassing for everyone if one parent handles the conversation, but that decision is entirely up to you.

The discussion should be an honest one. It can go a million different directions based on their age and maturity.

Explain what you found and that you want to be sure they understand what they saw. Ask them why they were searching for those terms. There may be a logical, acceptable reason that you are not aware of. Remember, children are curious. It is in their nature and there is nothing wrong with that. How many of you remember looking up explicit words in the dictionary long before the invention of the Internet? Kids are often searching for things they heard in a song, reading in the chat of a video game, or seeing in a meme on social media.

Your goal in the discussion should be to answer any questions they may have and encourage them to come to you first. It will probably be uncomfortable for both of you. There is a ton of information online about how to have the “talk” or similar talks online. You may want to consult a few of those before the conversation as well.

We focused on a child who searched for sexually explicit content in this example. Obviously, there are other search terms that can be concerning. Parents should approach the situation in the same way regardless of what was searched. Have an honest conversation with your child. Let the conversation guide your next steps. If you are not sure how to approach a particular subject (suicidal ideation, for example), do some internet research prior to discussing it with your child.

Stay Vigilant Like all great detectives, your work is never done. It is crucial to monitor their digital footprints on a regular basis. Check their history more often. You can do this by pressing control+H in most browsers. If you are not sure, you can Google search “browser history” with the device’s name like “browser history iPhone.” Children who have been caught looking up inappropriate content tend to learn from their mistakes. Some kids will seek parental advice while others will learn the art of clearing web browsing history to cover their tracks.

There are solutions you can investigate that can monitor Internet traffic in your home for unwanted content. Qustodio, Circle by Disney, OpenDNS, and Eero all offer various options that parents can use to limit the Internet content available on children’s devices. Be cautious when filtering the Internet, though. I do not always think this is the best approach. I believe it is better to teach kids how to behave than to attempt to block out all the bad stuff. Regardless of how you approach this, we’re all in the same boat as parents. We are trying to do the best things for our kids.

Mike Daugherty is a husband, father of three young children, author, speaker, Google Innovator, and possible Starbucks addict.

He is a certified educational technology leader who has served in a variety of roles through his twenty-year career in public education. Currently, Mike is the Director of Technology for the Chagrin Falls Exempted Village School district in Northeast Ohio.

As an IT director he has developed creative, well thought out solutions that positively impact teaching and learning.

August 2020 WNY Family 23

surgery meant for our baby, and I was grateful Andrea was having it done, but I was really anxious about the procedure itself — with any surgery, there is risk involved. The thought of Andrea in surgery without me by her side, while I waited through the unknown, was getting the best of me; but I was comforted after we met with the team of doctors, nurses, and anesthesiologists. At 7:30am, Andrea was taken away for prep and surgery.

Preparations (and countdown) for the big day!

A

s the days, weeks and months inch their way along, the anticipation is quickly building as we patiently wait for September to arrive. And while we wait, we’re doing our best to cherish the moments until the arrival of our sweet baby.

Officially settled back in WNY, Andrea had her first ultrasound on January 23rd; the ultrasound acting as the window into our future where we get to see our baby for the first time, albeit in black and white.

On the day of the appointment, anxiety was high as we waited for the exam to begin, and I couldn’t help but watch the tension build on Andrea’s face as her eyes fixated on the screen that would hopefully deliver us good news. After the Sonographer applied the cold, blue gel to her stomach and began to wave the wand back and forth, we held each other’s hands and waited for an image to appear on the screen, and within seconds the image was there — our baby.

The sonographer pointed out an oddly shaped blip on the monitor and typed, “baby” next to it. She then went down the checklist of discoveries: First, she ruled out multiples — just one bun in the oven for now. Next, she showed us a flickering image on the screen which was the heartbeat. Finally, she confirmed that the fertilized egg was successfully implanted in Andrea’s uterus. At 7 weeks and 3 days, too early to determine 24 WNY Family August 2020

sex, she established that September 7th was our official due date. “Everything looks great!” She said.

This was the good news we desperately needed to hear, and with the first ultrasound under our belt, we were able to make an appointment with the Maternal-Fetal Medicine Specialists at Children’s Hospital to see if Andrea would be a good candidate for a cerclage. A cerclage is a strategically placed stitch that ties the opening of the cervix shut in order to prevent it from shortening or “opening up” too soon — which is the reason we, presumably, lost our son Louis. This appointment would be our most important one to date and would change everything for us.

We met with two specialists on March 2nd and the appointment exceeded all our expectations. All we wanted was for someone to listen to our story and give our baby a fighting chance, and the two doctors did just that. They took their time with us, answered all our questions; even the ones I asked twice, and they explained what our options would be, including the outcomes and possible risks. At the end of our appointment, they concluded that Andrea was an excellent candidate for the procedure.

Four days later she was scheduled for the surgery.

We arrived at the hospital at 5:30 in the morning; my mother-in-law tagged along for extra support. I knew what this

By the time her mother and I finished our first cup of coffee in the waiting room, roughly 45 minutes later, we were greeted by the doctor. “Hi, guys!

So, she’s all done, everything went great. And let me tell you, she was a Rockstar!”

The doctor also mentioned that Andrea’s cervix had already shortened a little bit and that she was happy we decided to have the cerclage placed at 13 weeks, as opposed to waiting to see if it would shorten in the future. In the recovery room, I kissed Andrea on her forehead and smiled. I was happy to have her back.

On May 11th Andrea was 22 weeks and 6 days, which is exactly how far along she was when Louis died; it was also her first Mother’s Day since the loss of our son. Despite the sadness that day brought us, especially my wife, we do have hope for our future. With the support of the amazing medical team at Children’s Hospital behind us, I have no doubt that in September, we will welcome our baby into this world, and will soon be able to introduce him or her you, the reader!

Richard De Fino, a freelance writer by night, first became a father at age 34. After losing his first-born at birth, he was determined to keep his memory alive the best way he knew how; through words.

And with another baby on the way, he plans on capturing what it means to be a parent to a rainbow baby. Richard and his wife, Andrea, live in Western New York with their memories of Louis, and their dog Zeke, and two cats, Bebe and Georgie.

Making Media Entertainment An Easier Choice For Families

Summer Adventure Movies for Kids

PARENT PREVIEWS

For kids, summer is the time for adventure. Whether it’s attending summer camp, visiting grandma’s house, camping with their parents, or running around the neighborhood with their friends, summer makes memories. This year’s COVID summer is going to be different but we can still work to make good memories. If you’re looking for movies that celebrate kids having independent adventures, here are four of our top recommendations.

The Sandlot (1993, PG) It’s 1962 and Scotty Smalls is the new kid on the block. The neighborhood boys are obsessed with baseball but Scotty can’t throw, can’t hit, and doesn’t even know who Babe Ruth is. He’s determined to fit in and does his best to up his game — until the day when he loses a ball over the fence that divides the sandlot from the world’s most ferocious ball-eating dog. This movie is a warm-hearted, nostalgic story of summer, baseball, and friendship.

OVERALL RATING: B+

VIOLENCE: (A-) LANGUAGE: (B+)

SEXUAL CONTENT: (B­) ALCOHOL / DRUG USE: (C)

Wonder Park (2019, PG) June and her mom have spent many wonderful hours building an imaginary amusement park. They have dreamed up magical rides and attractions, along with a charming cast of animals who staff the park. When June’s mom gets sick, June can no longer bear to work on their shared project. Running through the woods one day, June stumbles across the real amusement park, and discovers that her neglect has had real world consequences for the animals. This movie is a great way to teach kids about emotional resilience and coping with anxiety without getting preachy.

OVERALL RATING: A

VIOLENCE: (A) LANGUAGE: (A+)

SEXUAL CONTENT: (A­) ALCOHOL / DRUG USE: (A)

Swallows and Amazons (2017, Unrated) With their dad away at sea, the four Walker children are thrilled to be on holiday with their mother in England’s Lake District in the early 1930s. They persuade her to let them sail across the lake and camp out on an island, only to run into wannabe pirates and real life Soviet spies. Set in a jaw-droppingly beautiful location, this is a family-friendly story of adventure, loyalty, and self-esteem that comes from achievement and hard work.

OVERALL RATING: A

VIOLENCE: (B-) LANGUAGE: (A)

SEXUAL CONTENT: (A­) ALCOHOL / DRUG USE: (A-)

The Kid Who Would Be King (2019, PG) Alex and his best friend Bedders are the victims of the school bullies, Lance and Kaye. Running from the frightening pair one evening, Alex falls into a building site and grabs a sword that happens to be stuck in a stone. You guessed it — this isn’t just any sword; it’s Excalibur, the fabled weapon belonging to King Arthur. Alex has been chosen to save Britain from the evil sorceress Morgana. But to defeat her, he’s going to have to work with Lance and Kaye and every other person he can recruit to this battle of good versus evil. More than a touch heavyhanded, this is still an exciting adventure story for kids that encourages co-operation and unity in the face of social divisions.

OVERALL RATING: B-

VIOLENCE: (C+) LANGUAGE: (B+)

SEXUAL CONTENT: (A­) ALCOHOL / DRUG USE: (A) August 2020 WNY Family 25

PICK OF THE LITERATURE — by Dr. Donna Phillips

W

elcome once again to the hot and sultry “Dog Days” of summer! This summer seems to be on track as a record breaker for hot days, humidity, and little rain. This is the time when we often take to the beach or the pool for relief and, under more normal circumstances, might even take a vacation to the mountains or the ocean for relief. While this is the perfect time to seek refuge under a shady tree or an umbrella with your dog, it is also the perfect setting for some summer reading.

While they say every dog has its day… what about cats? Well, it seems there are days in August for our cats, too!

August 1 is the New York City Cat Fashion Show. August 8 is International Cat Day, August 17 is Black Cat Appreciation Day, and August 22 is Take Your Cat to the Vet Day! So, if you would rather sit down in a quite shady spot to read with your cat, there are books to share with them too!

Here are some books you might want to read with your dog.

“Life is what happens while we are busy making others plans.”

Dog and Rabbit learn this life lesson in Dog and Rabbit (Charlesbridge Press, Watertown, 2019, $14.99), written and illustrated by Barney Saltz26 WNY Family August 2020

berg. Dog wanted a friend. Rabbit wanted a friend. While they looked and looked in the same place, they did not see each other. Bunny was looking for another bunny while all the time Dog was looking at him. While Bunny waited… Dog waited… until one day they realized they were waiting for each other!

This simple, sparsely worded and adorably illustrated book is the perfect message to send to all of us who have yet to see that which has been there in front of us all the time. It sends a beautiful message to wish, hope, watch, and wait.

The author David Shannon seems to know something about free spirits and in his new book, Roy Digs Dirt (The Blue Sky Press, New York, 2020, $17.99), he introduces us to his newest troublemaker, where we learn about all the ways Roy gets dirty. In his usual artist style and few words, we see the world from a dirty dog’s point of view.

Digging in a hole, digging through the undergrowth of the garden, or digging and playing in the garbage. Roy is never happier than when he’s dirty and smelly. So, what can you do with a dirty dog like Roy? Give him a bath! To find out how this works out you’ll just have

to read this book to your own dirty dog!

If anyone has ever lost their dog, or knows someone who has, Brooklyn Bailey, the Missing Dog (Dial Books for Young Readers, New York, 2020, $17.99), written by Amy Sohn and Orna Le Pape and illustrated by Libby VanderPloeg, is the touching real-life story of such a dog and how she was found.

Yotam thought Baily’s leash was securely tied to the chair outside the coffee shop in Brooklyn, but the busy lady who brushed by Bailey and the loud crash of the chair as she jumped, scared her. Away she ran, dragging the chair behind her until her harness broke and she fled free with no identification. Yotam and his family were heartbroken.

They walked the neighborhood and drove the city streets calling her name. They posted flyers and notices on the Internet. While neighbors said they thought they had spotted her, she was still nowhere to be found. That was until one day when she arrived at their doorstep. She had found her way back home!

The celebration party by Yotam and his family that followed was a wonderful way to bring the community together and thank all those who searched and cared about her return.

Books you might want to read to or with your cat include the following: A favorite childhood story, The Three Little Kittens (Scholastic, New York, 2020, $18.99), has been retold and delightfully reimagined by Barbara McClintock. Through her talents as an illustrator, this well-known story comes to life as we learn more about what these little kittens are really thinking. Why do they have to wear mittens to eat pie?

Where did they leave them? Is eating pie while wearing mittens a good idea?

Is there a better way to eat pie? This

book will make everyone smile… maybe even your cat!

Have you ever wanted to adopt a cat only to get pushback from family and even the dog?

In Hard Hat Cat (KarBen, Minneapolis, 2020, $17.99), written by Jamie Killel-Alcheh and illustrated by Maxine Lee, a kitten appears at a nearby building site looking for a home. Avi is certain that it wants to come and live with him but his family is not too sure it is a good idea and his dog is not pleased with the prospect.

Day after day, the kitten naps on his doorstep and he feeds and provides water for him, but the kitten never stays around for long. That is, until one day when the new neighbors move in to the newly completed house next-door. It is then Avi realizes the kitten must have been waiting for the little girl who lives there all along. Soon they are all best friends, including the dog, and sharing the love of this little kitten that brought them together.

Fearless Felines: 30 True Tales of Courageous Cats (Scholastic, New York, 2020, $9.99) by Kimberlie Hamilton, is a fascinating book that explores and celebrates the amazing things that cats can do and have done. From stories about quirky cats to fascinating information about cats, this book will amaze and inspire. By the time you finish this book, you will have a whole new appreciation for felines and the part they play in our lives. There is the story of a cat who solved a murder, a cat who is a British war hero, a cat who fooled the German Army, the cat who was a scene-stealer in a theatre, and many more stories about cats in the news and throughout history. There are chapters on movie star cats, how to tell if a cat loves you, cat survival stories, cats in books, cats who have saved lives, and a guide to famous cat locations to visit. This book will keep cat lovers, and maybe even their cats, engaged for hours. After all, this book is dedicated to cat stories.

Whether you are trying to pass the time for yourself and your pets by staying cool or to find ways to entertain your pets or yourself, books are perfect for travel or staycations. Escaping to the basement or indoors is always an option if the weather outdoors is not cooperating. Regardless, any excuse to read a good book with or without your dog or cat is always in season!

Dr. Donna Phillips is an associate professor in the College of Education at Niagara University, where her specialty is literacy and children’s literature. She lives on Grand Island, NY and is the mother of the adult children and grandmother of one.

August 2020 WNY Family 27

FALL REGISTRATION RE-OPENING SOON! REGULAR & VIRTUAL CLASSES BEGIN IN OCTOBER

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Let our readers know that your doors are open and that you’re ready to welcome them back!

Inform families of any special safety measures and policies they may need to know about before they visit you.

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August 2020 WNY Family 29

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Begins Monday, August 10th Mon/Wed/Sat 10am-2pm • Tues/Wed/Thurs 6:30-8pm One Family will be admitted at a time. or Register Online Please feel free to visit our studios and see the careful steps we have taken to make them safe for our students.

Please visit our website at www.aab-buffalo.com to see videos of our classrooms, etc. Stay Safe & Be Strong!

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For A Brochure and Information Call 688-4774 or visit our website at www.aab-buffalo.com 30 WNY Family August 2020

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Dance Workshop

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August 2020 WNY Family 33

David De Marie Dance 2020 - 2021 Open House

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DEAR TEACHER – by Peggy Gisler and Marge Eberts

Helping all parents make their children’s educational experience as successful as possible

Looking at Schools in Fall

P

arents: The big question is whether your children’s school will be open in the fall or not. The experts are certainly not in agreement on the wisdom of opening schools. Those in favor of opening schools argue that few school-age children appear to get COVID-19, or at least its worst symptoms. Furthermore, they say that schools that have opened in Australia, where there was close contact between staff and students and those with the virus, have shown a very low spread rate. Those who are against opening schools feel that such closures could reduce the incidence of infection.

While reasonable people disagree on opening schools, it is possible that there will soon be evidence on the positives and negatives of actually opening them. This will come from the experience of summer camps and daycare centers that have opened as well as that of schools in other countries. This will make the decision of whether to open schools or not easier.

When schools reopen, they are likely to look quite different for a while.

Here are a few changes that your school district may decide upon until the danger of contracting COVID-19 is greatly reduced: 

  

There may be staggered attendance with students attending either morning or afternoon class or just a few days a week.

Much schoolwork will still be done online.

Meals will be served in the classroom.

Students will stay with the same

  

classmates and teachers. They will not move to other classrooms.

Both teachers and students will wear masks.

Emphasis will be placed on frequent cleaning and sanitizing.

Most schoolwork in the classroom will be done on individual laptops.

Helping Your Children Develop Academic Goals Question: School is just starting for my children in middle and high school.

I would like to sit down with them and help them develop goals for this year.

How can I help them develop realistic goals? — Goal Oriented Answer: Setting goals is definitely a great idea for students. However, most children will need help from their parents to make sure that the goals they set are realistic. So, sit down with you children and ask them what they would like to achieve in this coming school year.

Children may set off with lofty goals. For example, one may want to become a better reader. This goal is more likely to be realized if it becomes more specific, such as choosing to read for 15 minutes every night before bedtime. Or if the goal is to become better at math, a more specific goal might be to solve 5 to 10 more problems every night than are assigned. Parents also need to be aware of the dangers of setting too lofty goals for their children. Expecting your child to be an Einstein or a Stephen Hawking can put too much pressure on them.

Goals should also be measurable.

Children always like seeing the progress they have made towards achieving them.

For young children, a star chart could be

used to show how often they are meeting a goal of doing extra math problems. An older child could see progress in math as moving from B to B+ grades. Showing progress in meeting a goal can be motivating.

Children should only set a few goals; definitely not more than five, and less is even better. And if a child is making no progress toward meeting a goal, the goal needs to be revised to one that is more realistic or even dropped. Another reason for revising a goal depends on how schools are responding to COVID-19.

Keeping Your Children in Tip-Top Shape Parents: It is important to keep your children in tip-top physical shape.

You certainly don’t want them to miss much school as it could impinge upon how well they do academically. Your first thing to do is to be sure that they have a physical exam every year before or at the start of a school year, even if it has to be a video examination.

You definitely want to discover any problems before they become serious.

This is extremely important for elementary school children, as hearing and eye problems as well as growth and development problems need to be detected early before they become serious. And for older students participating in sports, physicians can detect any serious problems that might be dangerous for students participating in them. Also, at puberty, physicians can detect problems with weight, strength, growth or scoliosis.

When parents take children to their doctors in person or online, they should make the visit as meaningful as possible by writing down any questions that they might have. If the doctors do not bring up the topic of booster shots or new vaccinations, parents must do this. Also, it is wise to ask if the children need more frequent checkups than once a year.

Another important thing for parents to do is to keep an up-to-date record of each child’s growth, immunizations and results of doctor visits.

Parents should email their questions and comments to dearteacher@dearteacher. com.

August 2020 WNY Family 35

Empower

Ability Inspire Advocate

Special Needs Potential Thri

Growth Strategies — by Suzanne Koup-Larsen

Mild Cerebral Palsy

W

hen people hear the term cerebral palsy, they often think of someone who’s severely affected, such as a person in a wheelchair with intellectual disabilities, who is unable to take care of themselves. This is often not the case, says Dr. Osman Farooq, Medical Di-

rector of Pediatric Neurology at Oishei Children’s Hospital in Buffalo. Cerebral Palsy can appear in varying degrees, he says, and in mild forms, people with cerebral palsy may need very little specialized care. In fact, children with mild cerebral palsy can often do almost everything their peers can.

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Cerebral Palsy is caused by an injury that occurs during pregnancy, during birth, or just after birth. The injury interrupts the blood flow to the baby’s brain and leaves a scar, explains Dr. Farooq.

The severity of the cerebral palsy depends on the original injury to the brain, he says.

My daughter Anna has a mild form of cerebral palsy, though she wasn’t diagnosed until she was eight years old.

She is neurotypical in every way except that the muscles in her right foot are very tight, so she runs on the outside of her foot. Now fourteen years old, Anna has played competitive basketball and soccer with her peers and 95% of the people she meets don’t know she has cerebral palsy.

“It’s possible that kids will not be diagnosed until elementary school,” says Dr. Farooq. Kids can have very subtle delays that might not get picked up initially, he says. Margret Nawrocki, a physical therapist at Empower Children’s Academy in Niagara Falls, NY explains that if kids are not obviously ‘floppy,’ meaning their muscles are too relaxed, evaluators will say they’re just delayed, she says.

What To Look For

Mild cerebral palsy is often not diagnosed until later in childhood because the symptoms are less apparent. “They don’t all show up all the time in each child,” says Nawrocki, explaining why many kids are not diagnosed immediately. In addition, kids are very good at compensating for subtle weaknesses.

“They find ways to get things done,” says Dr. Farooq.

“It’s very much a physical disability,” says Jenna Astridge, Director of Agency Outreach and Central Intake at Aspire of WNY in Getzville, NY, affecting the way the body moves, eating and drinking, and speech and vision. Though the symptoms are mostly physical, they may be dismissed as something the child will outgrow.

Symptoms of mild cerebral palsy may include late developmental milestones, like crawling and walking, says Nawrocki.

My daughter was late to crawl and walk, but because she was a preemie, this was thought to be the reason for her delays.

She did walk on her toes as a toddler, but as she got older, despite the occasional fall, she had no trouble keeping up with her peers.

Other signs may include: 

Lack of coordination, clumsiness



Falling randomly when running



Difficulty getting off the ground when trying to jump



Lack of fluidity in the movement of arms or legs



Difficulty with fine motor skills: using utensils, using scissors, handwriting



Problems with skills like tying shoelaces and buttons

Treatment

toms better. “Our goal is to eliminate significant disability,” he says.

There are a lot of state services to improve the quality of life, says Astridge, to help kids live their best life and get the most out of their schooling. “There are so many resources available to assist families,” she says. Check with your county to learn more about early intervention services.

Most kids with mild cerebral palsy are able to participate in the same activities as their peers. Nawrocki recommends sports like T-ball or soccer, or dance or karate for mildly affected kids.

“These can help them develop better muscle control,” she says. Anything that they are going to find fun will keep them motivated, she says.

Suzanne Koup-Larsen is a freelance writer based in suburban Philadelphia. Her work has been published in FamilyFun, National Geographic Traveler, the Philadelphia Inquirer, as well as New York Parenting, Pittsburgh Parent, Sacramento Parent, and Washington Parent.

If parents are noticing physical difficulties with moving around and age-appropriate self-care, Astridge recommends starting by consulting the child’s doctor. The doctor can refer families to a specialist in developmental disabilities, if appropriate. The earlier the therapy begins, the better the potential outcome, emphasizes Dr. Farooq. Therapy can often help kids improve significantly so that physical deficits may go away, he says.

Depending on the symptoms and their severity, physical therapy, occupational therapy, and speech therapy are options to improve functionality. In addition, braces and adaptive devices may be helpful. In some cases, Botox, the drug commonly known for cosmetic purposes can be used to help reduce extreme muscle tightness. Surgery is also a treatment option that can be considered to help kids with cerebral palsy.

“A diagnosis will ensure services,” says Nawrocki. While the underlying diagnosis doesn’t change the services, it just guarantees that they will get them, she says. For services at school, it will depend on whether kids can navigate the school and keep up with peers. Though she received early intervention physical therapy services as a toddler, my daughter never received services at school because gym class and playground equipment were no problem for her.

Prognosis

Cerebral Palsy is static in that the brain injury cannot get worse, but muscles and joints can get stiff and appear to get worse, says Dr Farooq. With therapy, the goal is to make sympAugust 2020 WNY Family 37

TWEENS & TEENS — by Myrna Beth Haskell

Blue-Light Phones: Many

universities have blue-light emergency telephones, which are highly visible and easily accessible throughout campus. “These allow direct access to the campus safety staff and, if needed, the police department,” explains Miller.

Mobile Phone Apps: Cell phone

SAFETY FIRST: Is your freshman armed with safety strategies for campus living?

Y

our teen is off to college.

How exciting! She’ll be seeking new opportunities, new friendships, and a new sense of independence. You’ve done all the right things — shopped together for desk lamps and linens, registered her for orientation, and paid the deposit on time.

However, the most important question is: Have you prepared her with strategies to stay safe while living away from home?

College campuses are often safer than their surrounding communities.

However, this can provide a false sense of security. Campus crime is a reality, so it is imperative that students familiarize themselves with all available safety resources their campus has to offer.

COVID-19 Checklist: The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) has a comprehensive list of guidelines for institutions of higher education that reduce the spread of COVID-19.

They can be found at https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/ 2019-ncov/community/collegesuniversities/considerations.html 38 WNY Family August 2020

Safety Resources

General: Reid DeVoge, a residential police officer at Michigan Technological University in Houghton, MI, counsels, “Know all the services your college offers. Most campuses offer, at no charge, safety rides, vehicle lockout assistance, battery boosts, security assessments of your residence, and other useful information.” DeVoge also advises students to save campus security numbers in their cell phones.

applications are the latest in campus security. Many colleges are opting to use cell phone applications in addition to more traditional alert systems (landlines and email) for emergency notification.

Some services provide a panic button so students can instantaneously send pertinent information (such as GPS location and student ID #) to campus security from their cell phone. One example is Rave Guardian (an app by Rave Mobile Safety which is used by colleges throughout the United States). Inquire about the campus emergency notification system and the types of services it provides.

Alerts: Schools are required by law to have mass notification systems to warn students and faculty if there is a safety situation on campus. “Most colleges send messages via email, text, and phone calls. These messages generally inform students about an ongoing situation and give instructions on how to proceed,” DeVoge reports.

Ken Miller, director of campus safety at Rollins College in Winter Park, FL, urges parents to familiarize themselves with the emergency communication system that their teens have access to.

“Many times, they will allow students to add additional phone numbers and email addresses for parents.”

Classes: Most colleges offer classes in self-defense and how to reduce your chances of becoming a victim of sexual assault. Take advantage of these opportunities.

Laptop Theft: Laptop theft is an issue students should be aware of.

“I would strongly encourage the use of anti-theft software on all laptops in the

higher education environment,” urges Miller. “There are many providers that will allow you to install software on your laptop that will only be activated if you report the machine as being stolen (e.g., Absolute Computrace).”

Familiarize Yourself with the Campus and its Surroundings

The Jeanne Clery Disclosure of Campus Security Policy and Campus Crime Statistics Act (Clery Act, 1990) was prompted by the 1986 rape and murder of 19-year-old Jeanne Clery, a Lehigh University freshman, in her dorm room. The Clery Act requires colleges to report crime statistics to the Department of Education.

DeVoge explains, “Any campus that receives federal funding must report annual crime statistics. Review this report so you know the crime trends, if any, at your campus.”

Chances are that your teen will venture off campus at some point. Freshmen and transfer students can speak to an RA or campus security personnel about surrounding areas that should be avoided.

Stay Sober

“If you go out and alcohol or drugs are involved, your chances of becoming a victim greatly increase,” warns James Magee, director of safety & security at Eastern University in St. Davids, PA. It’s safest to be sober; however, some students will choose to drink. “If you choose to drink, never accept drinks from a stranger or leave your drink unattended,” Magee adds.

Ken Miller points out, “Alcohol is a factor in a majority of sexual assault cases.” He also reports that, statistically speaking, sexual assaults are most likely to occur in your own room by someone you know. Therefore, students should avoid entertaining mere acquaintances in their rooms.

Personal Safety Checklist        

Keep your room locked at all times.

Don’t let strangers into your residence hall.

Report threatening, suicidal or other behaviors that raise concern.

Register for mass safety notifications.

Avoid walking alone at night – call for an escort.

Be aware of your surroundings: Don’t wear headphones while walking alone.

Never leave your property unattended in public places.

Report suspicious persons to campus police/security.

Source: James Magee, Director of Safety & Security, Eastern University

Let Your Instinct Guide You

Magee points out, “If a building has a combination or card swipe lock, don’t let someone piggyback with you into the building if you don’t know them. The first two homicides at Virginia Polytechnic Institute in 2007 happened when Seung-Hui Cho piggybacked into a residence hall, and then killed a student and the RA who came to investigate.”

Students should remain alert and report suspicious behavior or anything that makes them feel uncomfortable.

“Trust your instincts,” Magee says.

“If a location or situation feels unsafe, leave immediately.”

“Always travel in pairs or groups. If you feel that something is wrong, follow your instincts. Go back and get someone to watch you get to your dorm or car safely!”

— Gloria Jean Gibbson-Lyons, Hyde Park, NY “College is one of those times when a child’s circle of friends expands significantly. We sat down with the girls in our scout troop and explained that they needed to be cautious. In college, they would suddenly have instant friends who might not have their best interest at heart.”

— Debbie St. Onge, Poughkeepsie, NY

TIPS & TALES “Alcohol (and drug) awareness and education are key! Violence happens when judgment is impaired. People make poor choices about where to go or what to do that they would not make if sober.”

— Victoria Ertman-Kane, Hyde Park, NY

Myrna Beth Haskell is the author of “LIONS and TIGERS and TEENS: Expert advice and support for the conscientious parent just like you” (Unlimited Publishing, LLC). Her work has appeared in publications across the U.S. as well as internationally. Visit: myrnahaskell.com

Don’t Go it Alone

Reid DeVoge reminds students, “There really is safety in numbers. Never walk alone.” He also suggests that students use well-lit paths and avoid shortcuts through secluded areas.

August 2020 WNY Family 39

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40 WNY Family August 2020

SINGLE PARENTING — by Diane C. Dierks, LMFT

Help, My Child is a Miniature “Ex”!

W

hen my ex-husband and I were deciding on what to name my son, he liked a name that I was uneasy about, simply because I remembered a lady I used to work with whose son had the same name and her personality drove me nuts! In my mind, I had connected the name with an unpleasant person and it made me reluctant. We decided on the name he wanted after all, and now, I can’t imagine my son with any other name. But isn’t it weird how the names of people we don’t like become taboo when naming our own children? It’s as if we’re afraid the name will somehow affect their personalities.

A similar thing happens when we have children with spouses whom we later dislike because of a divorce. Whether we like it or not, our sons and daughters are biologically part of the other parent.

Inevitably, they will have inherited some

of their looks, their mannerisms, their personality traits, their ways of doing things — and some of the same things that drove you to divorce your ex-spouse will absolutely incense you as a parent!

A friend of mine put it best when she found herself in the same dysfunctional patterns with her sixteen-year-old son as she had been in many years before with her ex-husband. “Diane, it’s like déjà vu and I’m living with my ex all over again!” she exclaimed in frustration.

“I’m having a tough time separating the two.” Her son not only communicated much like his father, but his looks and tone of voice were almost identical.

Although most marriages do not end simply because of personality differences or annoying physical characteristics, those things can become magnified once we feel betrayed or lose respect and trust in our ex-partners. Then, when our kids begin to display similar traits, we be-

come uncomfortable. It’s a subtle process — we may not even notice the resemblances our children have to their other parent until our kids get more adult-like. But if we’re not careful, our teenagers can become easy targets for latent anger and frustration meant for our exes.

Single moms who have teenage sons and single dads who have teenage daughters need to be extra careful that they are not parenting based on reactions to old emotional baggage. One dad told me that when he and his daughter - who was the spitting image of her mother - had a confrontation of any kind, she would wrinkle her nose in the same exact way her mother used to. “Right away, it put me on the defensive and it was almost as if I was blaming her for being like her mother — as if she could control it.”

So how can parents who have “look-alike” or “act-alike” kids control these urges to respond to the past? It starts with understanding that your children have little control over biological traits or even mannerisms and moods that have been learned in the other household. Here are a few ideas that might help you keep your reactions in check:

1) Everyone has a good side. Make a list of all the characteristics about your ex-spouse that you may admire or find acceptable. I know it’s difficult to do this after many years of finding fault, but there is bound to be something admirable.

Maybe your ex has a special skill or talent, or maybe he or she is particularly outgoing or fun. After making the list, check off those things your child has the benefit of possessing as well. Try to concentrate on the positive.

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2) Always resist the temptation to say, “You’re just like your mother” or “Quit acting like your father.” Once kids know you despise this part of their personality, they will probably use it against you every chance they get! Also, my experience has been that kids tend to sympathize with the victims of their parent’s criticisms. So, they may begin to idealize the part of the other parents’ personality that you are always tearing down.

3) Don’t use your kids as the scapegoat for your weaknesses. If you lapse into poor and familiar communication patterns with your child, it probably has more to do with your failure to change than with your child’s inherited traits or learned behaviors. You can control what you say, how you say it, and how you react to others. Don’t put the burden on your kids to be good communicators. If the other parent is not setting a good example for them, this is a great opportunity for you to be the model of good communication.

Diane C. Dierks is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Atlanta, Georgia. She is also author of The Co-Parent Toolbox (2014 Aha! Publishing) and Solo Parenting: Raising Strong & Happy Families (1997 Fairview Press). For more information, visit her website is www.dianedierks.com.

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Helping Kids Get Used to Masks

I

n many places, people are wearing masks when they’re in public because of coronavirus (COVID-19). It’s an important way to help slow the spread of the virus.

At first, it was mostly doctors, nurses, and others in health care settings who wore masks. But now, as other people wear them, more and more kids are seeing something they’re not used to seeing. For them, it can be strange or a little scary, especially if they need to put on masks too.

Most kids can feel comfortable seeing people in masks, as long as adults:

   

Use simple words to explain why people are wearing masks.

Give kids time to look, watch, and get used to what’s new.

Answer kids’ questions.

Give support.

Some toddlers and young children may feel uneasy about masks. They may need extra support and comfort from parents.

Parents also can help kids understand why they might need to wear a mask, and make them more comfortable and even fun to wear.

How Do Kids React to Masks?

How kids react to seeing masks partly depends on their age.

Older kids might not react much at all. To them, masks might seem like no big deal. Most are able to adjust pretty quickly.

Some kids may even be eager to wear a mask. They might embrace their new look as a medical superhero.

But for babies, toddlers, and young kids, seeing people in masks might take some getting used to. At first, they may feel cautious. They may need a few minutes to look and watch. That can help them get used to what’s new. They may need a parent to gently say, “It’s OK.” That can help them relax.

Some babies, toddlers, and young kids may feel upset or afraid.

They might cry, hide their face, or cling to a parent. Soothing words, comfort, and the safety of a parent’s lap can help calm them.

Why Do Some Young Kids Feel Scared of Masks?

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When faces are partly hidden by masks, kids can’t see the friendly smile or familiar look that usually puts them at ease. When kids can’t see the person’s whole face, it’s harder to feel safe. It’s natural to feel scared.

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Masks hide part of a person’s face. Young children rely on faces. From the time they are babies, young children look at faces for the signals they need to feel safe.

Cloth face coverings (or a face mask, if you have one) on adults and kids over 2 years old can help slow the spread of the virus. Here are some ways to help kids wear masks when you go out:







Help kids get used to masks. As much as you can, give kids time to practice wearing their masks before they might need to wear one outside of your home. Teach them how to put them on and take them off.

How Can I Help My Child During Medical Visits?



Help make it fun. With younger kids, introduce a sense of play. Kids can pretend to be a doctor or nurse while wearing their masks. They might want to use a doctor kit and “take care” of a stuffed animal or doll.



Have a few masks handy while kids play. This lets them use their imagination about how to use them during playtime. It also helps make masks a more normal part of their everyday world. You can ask your child to put a mask on a stuffed animal, and then ask follow-up questions about why the stuffed animal is wearing the mask. Depending on your child’s response, you can clear up any confusion and offer reassurance.

Comfort them. Kids will look to you to soothe and support them.

Let them sit on your lap. Tell them, “You’re OK, I’m here.” When you help them feel safe, they can start to adjust to what’s different or new.

They can start to feel less cautious and more curious.



Be playful and show love. If the moment seems right, find a way to be playful with your child. While you’re still at the medical visit, is there a way to help your child laugh, smile, or giggle? Laughing is relaxing. And a few sweet moments help balance out the stressful ones.

For older kids:



Encourage kids to decorate their mask. This might help them feel a sense of ownership and control over the situation. A personal touch can help make it more of a normal part of their routine, and make it more likely they’ll want to wear their mask.

Depending on the type of mask, kids can draw on it with markers or put stickers on it.

Make them together. If you make face coverings at home, let older kids help you. There are no-sew masks that are easy to make, often with materials you probably already have (T-shirts, bandanas, etc.). If you sew masks, maybe kids can select the fabric or patterns for the masks they’ll wear.







Tell kids what to expect and why. Mention masking before the visit, if you can. For kids old enough to understand, you might say, “I think we’ll see doctors and nurses wearing their masks today. It’s a new thing they’re doing to stop germs.” Explain it in a way that seems matter of fact and calm. If you will wear masks, tell your child, “We might get to wear masks, too. We want to stop germs too, right?” Knowing what to expect helps kids of all ages feel prepared and more at ease.

Explain the upside. Be honest, but focus on the good that masks can do, rather than the bad things a virus can do. For example, you might say, “Because of the coronavirus that’s going around, everyone is doing extra things to stop its germs from spreading. Wearing masks is one of the ways we can stop the virus.”

Let kids show what they know. Invite school-age kids to tell you the other things you already do as a family to stop germs. For example, prompt kids to say or show how they wash their hands. Give them a word of praise to help them feel proud and capable.

When kids know there are things they can do, they feel confident and more at ease.

For younger kids who feel upset by masks:



Accept how they react. Know that it’s normal for young kids to react with caution to things they don’t expect, understand, or feel familiar with. Let them take their time to warm up to what’s new.

After the visit: If your child seemed upset, worried, or stressed during the visit, doing these things can help:



Talk about it. After the visit, it can help to talk with your child. You might say, “Everybody looked different today wearing those masks, didn’t they?” Then listen. Let your child tell you what it was like for them. Find ways to praise your child. “It wasn’t easy. You did great.

I’m proud of you.” Call out a bright spot. “I’m glad we got to wave to the nurse who took care of you last time. I think it made him feel happy too.”



Invite your child to draw or play about it. Together, you could draw pictures of people wearing masks and not wearing masks. Or make a play mask and let a doll or stuffed animal try it on.

Play and drawing can help kids work out what they saw and felt. They are a way to rehash and rehearse. And that helps kids feel a little more prepared for next time.

This information was provided by KidsHealth®, one of the largest resources online for medically reviewed health information written for parents, kids, and teens. For more articles like this, visit KidsHealth.org or TeensHealth.org. © 1995-2020. The Nemours Foundation/ KidsHealth®. All rights reserved.

August 2020 WNY Family 43

Malted Barley, Annatto Color, Malted Barley Flour, Onion Powder, Mushroom Powder, Guar Gum, Annatto Extract (color), Turmeric Extract (color), Soy Lecithin.

Contains Milk, Wheat And Soy.

W

hat’s in a burger? These days, the answer is not as simple as “Where’s the beef?!” Restaurants, including some fast food chains, are now offering vegan or vegetarian burger alternatives. For some people, this is welcome news. Even for non-vegan/vegetarians, we’re encouraged to reduce red meat consumption. So veggie burgers are healthy, right? The answer is — not necessarily. Some are, some are not.

Many are highly processed foods, just as high in calories as beef and high in sodium.

This summer, as more people gather in backyards, it’s fun to try new things but, if you have allergies or celiac, you can’t take anything for granted. Corn on the cob? Even if it is not rolled in butter or sprinkled with cheese, we need to be aware that some people now add a can of beer to the water to enhance the flavor of the corn. One minor well-intentioned “secret ingredient” like this can have a big impact on another person’s health.

With the huge rise in meatless burgers, this month’s column focuses on the brands most commonly found and what exactly is in them. It’s amazing how many brands and varieties there are. For people with food allergies, these alt-burgers can be a landmine. I can’t tell you how many times people “sneak” in alternative foods at barbecues, to see if anyone can tell the difference. Impossible burgers are so much like regular beef it’s... surreal. The only common allergen in them is soy, but other brands have egg, milk, nuts, wheat... and are just as high in calories and fat as beef.

Veggie burgers come in many varieties. Even from the same manufacturer, the ingredients vary. Not all vegan, and the allergens can include nuts, milk, soy, wheat, gluten and egg. Below is a partial list of veggie burger brands, followed by our recipe for burgers.

Amy’s All American Veggie Burger (many varieties ) https://www.amys.com/our-foods/ all-american-veggie-burger Textured Soy Protein (Hexane Free), Organic Onions, Organic Soy Fiber, Organ44 WNY Family August 2020

ic Mushrooms, Organic Bulgur Wheat, Wheat Gluten, Filtered Water, Organic Celery, Organic Carrots, Organic Walnuts, Organic Oats, Organic Bell Peppers, Expeller Pressed High Oleic Safflower And/ Or Sunflower Oil, Organic Sweet Rice Flour, Sea Salt, Organic Potatoes, Spices, Organic Tomato Purée, Organic Cane Sugar, Organic Garlic, Organic Apple Cider Vinegar, Organic Blackstrap Molasses, Stoneground Mustard (Distilled Vinegar, Water, Ground Mustard Seeds, Salt, Spices), Hickory Smoke Flavor, Black Pepper, Clove Oil. Contains Wheat, Soy And Tree Nuts (Walnuts).

Beyond Meat Burger https://www.beyondmeat.com/products/ the-beyond-burger/ Water, Pea Protein*, Expeller-Pressed Canola Oil, Refined Coconut Oil, Rice Protein, Natural Flavors, Cocoa Butter, Mung Bean Protein, Methylcellulose, Potato Starch, Apple Extract, Pomegranate Extract, Salt, Potassium Chloride, Vinegar, Lemon Juice Concentrate, Sunflower Lecithin, Beet Juice Extract (for color). *Peas are legumes. People with severe allergies to legumes like peanuts should be cautious when introducing pea protein into their diet because of the possibility of a pea allergy. Our products do not contain peanuts or tree nuts. Note: Ingredients and the nutrition facts panel reflects U.S. product only

Gardenburger Original Burger

Impossible Foods Burger https://faq.impossiblefoods.com/hc/en-us/ articles/360018937494-What-are-theingredientsWater, Soy Protein Concentrate, Coconut Oil, Sunflower Oil, Natural Flavors, 2% Or Less Of: Potato Protein, Methylcellulose, Yeast Extract, Cultured Dextrose, Food Starch Modified, Soy Leghemoglobin, Salt, Mixed Tocopherols (Antioxidant), Soy Protein Isolate, Vitamins and Minerals (Zinc Gluconate, Thiamine Hydrochloride (Vitamin B1), Niacin, Pyridoxine Hydrochloride (Vitamin B6), Riboflavin (Vitamin B2), Vitamin B12).

Contains: Soy

Morningstar Farms Veggie Burger https://www.morningstarfarms.com/ en_US/products/burgers/morningstarfarms-grillers-original-product.html Water, wheat gluten, soy flour, vegetable oil (corn, canola and/or sunflower oil), egg whites, calcium caseinate, cornstarch.

Contains 2% or less of onion powder, soy sauce powder (soy sauce [soybeans, salt, wheat]), methylcellulose, cooked onion and carrot juice concentrate, salt, natural flavor, soy protein isolate, garlic powder, spices, sugar, gum acacia, whey, yeast extract, xanthan gum, potato starch, tomato paste (tomatoes), onion juice concentrate.

Contains Wheat, Soy, Egg And Milk.

A few tips: 

When working with ground beef, work quickly when forming the hamburgers. Over-handling makes the burger tougher.



Not a fan of beef? You can make burgers out of ground chicken or turkey. Portabella mushrooms are a delicious light meat alternative.



Use crisp lettuce leaves in place of the bun for a lighter burger. Iceberg lettuce is a sturdy bread substitute.



For medium-rare burgers, cook about 5 minutes each side. For welldone burgers, cook 10 minutes each side.

http://www.gardenburger.com/ product.aspx?product=4509794 Cooked Brown Rice (long Grain Brown Rice, Water), Button Mushrooms, Rolled Oats, Mozzarella Cheese (pasteurized Part-skim Milk, Cultures, Salt, Enzymes), Onions, Water, Hydrated Wheat Bulgur (water, Bulgur Wheat), Crimini Mushrooms, Spices, Portabella Mushrooms, Cheddar Cheese (pasteurized Milk, Salt, Enzymes, Cultures, Annatto Color), Contains Two Percent Or Less Of Salt, Natural Flavors, Modified Vegetable Gum, Garlic Powder, Yeast Extract, Citric Acid, Whey,

Topping ideas: lettuce, tomato, grilled or fresh onions, guacamole, salsa, peppers, sautéed mushrooms, pickles, ketchup, mustard, relish, barbecue sauce

BURGERS

Free of: DAIRY, EGGS, SOY, WHEAT, PEANUTS, TREE NUTS, FISH, SHELLFISH and GLUTEN*, can be Vegan** Yield: 4 big burgers Prep Time: 10 minutes Cook Time: 15-20 minutes 1 pound ground beef, chicken or turkey or 4 large Portabella mushrooms** Salt and pepper to taste 4 hamburger rolls or lettuce leaves* (can be gluten/wheat free buns*)

Preheat broiler or grill. Season the meat or mushrooms with salt and pepper, divide into 4 even portions. Loosely pack and pat down to form burgers. Place on grill or pan, cook 5-10 minutes, flip and cook an additional 5-10 minutes.

Place buns face down on grill racks for about a minute to lightly toast. Remove from heat. Serve burgers with rolls or lettuce leaves and favorite toppings.

If you have any questions about our column, e-mail Kathy at allergy@roadrunner.com. For further information about food allergies, contact FARE www.foodallergy.org, or call 1-800-929-4040.

Kathy Lundquist is a Western New York parent whose son, now an adult, was born with severe food allergies. Over the last two decades, she has worked tirelessly, in a variety of capacities, to increase community awareness about food allergies.

August 2020 WNY Family 45

The Heat is On!

Tips for keeping it cool for your pet

W

estern New York has just had one of the hottest Julys on record.

The forecast is for exceptionally warm weather through the start of Fall. To help keep your pets healthy, happy, and safe here are a few summer heat tips.

Limit outdoor activity during peak hours.

Try to get outside early morning or evening. Keep activity level to a minimum during the afternoon and keep your pet indoors.

Recognize different types of heat.

A humid day can be more dangerous than a hot, dry one. Humidity can interfere with your dog’s cooling system — panting. Dry air allows them to breathe better; moisture slows down the evaporation process, making it more difficult to breathe.

Make sure you pet has plenty of fresh water (the colder the better) and shade.

This will help in keeping your pet hydrated and protect them from overheating, and yes, sunburn. In warm temperatures your doghouse is not a shade 46 WNY Family August 2020

safe haven as the temperature inside is often even hotter than outside.

Watch the feet.

You wouldn’t walk barefoot on asphalt pavement that’s been baking in the sun. Your pet shouldn’t walk on it either. Paws are very sensitive and can get burned. Hot paws can lead to general overheating.

Keep the coat on.

You may think that the lovely fur coat your pet wears is making them too hot. Not necessarily. It may help them from overheating and sunburn. Brush your pet regularly. A shorter trim may be an alternataive, or a “lion cut” for cats and dogs with long hair is an option.

Never EVER leave your dog in a hot car.

It can take only a few minutes in 78-degree heat outside. Your pet will begin to suffer heatstroke and suffocate.

You may have had the air conditioning on before you left the car but that won’t last. It will quickly become 90 degrees in the car if you parked in the shade and up to 160 if you parked in the sun.

Get bug protection.

Make sure your dog and cat are protected from parasites including fleas, ticks, and mosquitos. Without vaccina-

THE FAMILY PET

tions from your veterinarian, your pet is at risk for heartworm, Lyme disease, and a host of other nasty and dangerous problems, some of which can be passed along to you. Remember to check your pet for ticks after a walk (especially an adventure in the woods). Ticks just love to hitch a ride.

Keep cool in the pool.

If you have a pool and want your pet to enjoy it with you, just make sure they like the water and can swim. The myth that all dogs can do the doggy paddle isn’t necessarily true, especially if there is no easy way for them to exit the pool.

A kiddie pool can be lots of fun for you both. Or running through the sprinkler can provide cooling exercise.

The Niagara Frontier Veterinary Society is comprised of more than 75 small animal hospitals and more than 200 practitioners in Erie and Niagara Counties. It exists to advance public awareness and understanding of proper pet health care, veterinary services and the veterinary profession. Learn more at www.nfveterianrysociety.org

THE KIDDIE GOURMET — by Barbara Blackburn

Rachel’s Mediterranean Grill

Soliday’s

5493 Sheridan Dr., Williamsville

(716) 919-1533

6935 Ward Road, Wheatfield

rachelsgrill.com

(716) 524-2665

~ SPOONS ~

~ SPOONS ~

FOOD 3.5/5 SERVICE 5/5 FAMILY FRIENDLY 4/5

B

ack in our home territory (before Phase 3) we visited Rachel’s. There is an eating area and a mini kids’ menu, posted on the board behind the counter. Latest info now in phase 4 is that you can dine in. Other Rachel’s locations include the original on Main Street in Williamsville; Walden Avenue in Cheektowaga; and Elmwood Avenue in Buffalo.

The attractions here are the hearty Bowls, all starting with a base to which you add protein — $11.36 for each choice except steak ($11.91). Bases are salad, rice, or pita chips.

I chose a falafel for my protein — a gluten free and vegan option; in my case, I just like falafels, made of veggies, beans, and spices that become fried fritters, often served with Tahini Sauce. The falafels rested on a bed of perfect pita chips but were I thought almost burned beyond true perfection. I had ordered red onions, roasted red pepper, chick peas, and Kalamata olives as my complimentary toppings. Somehow the onions and olives never joined the peppers and chick peas.

Dad liked his Gyro of lamb strips, served with Tzatziki Sauce. We shared our sesame tasting sauce and yogurt cucumber sauce with both choices. I also sampled the garlic sauce and the dill sauce for more fun and flavor.

The kiddies have a choice of a bowl or a melt, each $7.56, with a small drink and apple slices. Two high chairs are available in the dine-in area, which is now welcoming diners.

Besides bowls you can order from a choice of seven wraps. Rice Pudding, Baklava, and Fresh Cut Fruit let you end with dessert. Rachel’s serves up nutritious food that will appeal to the fast food crowd. The restaurant has enioyed a popular following, on Main Street in Williamsville and now is presenting its fine fare at other locations, as mentioned.

FOOD 4.5/5 SERVICE 5/5 FAMILY FRIENDLY 5/5

Let’s

y t r Pa

T

he Kiddie Gourmet headed North to Soliday’s to find a restaurant that does take-out and now sit-down. We dined on the patio, with a real menu and a kiddie menu. We ordered a variety of foods, including one from the kids menu, enough to accommodate a large appetite. I counted two boosters and two high chairs. For quality and quantity, Soliday’s is a winner.

My kids’ menu item choice was Mac-n-Cheese ($4), served with a choice of milk, juice or soda (free refills), and a side: fries, tots, veggies, carrots, chips, or apples. I chose the seasoned veggie of the day: Mediterranean style veggies, adding a delicious balance to my mac and cheese.

Other choices for those ages 12 and under are Grilled Cheese ($3), Hot Dog ($3), Chicken Nuggets ($4), Beef Sliders ($5) or Pizza ($6). I even enjoyed my creative fun and games page.

From Chicken “Sammiches,” Dad’s choice was The Thunderbird ($12.00). He chose crispy instead of grilled chicken, accompanied by bacon, tomato, onion, Tuscan greens, Cheddar cheese, and ranch dressing on grilled sour dough bread. Yummy in the tummy!

Originally we were going to order from the take out (which we did), but since it was a beautiful sunny day we opted for patio dining. From the appetizers, we added the Reuben Bites. Corned beef, sauerkraut, big-eyed Swiss and 1,000 Island dressing ($8.00) was a novel idea we thought, but also thought they were overly browned.

The “piece de resistance,” French for culinary masterpiece, was the Chicken Pot Pie, from the dinner section, for dining in or out ($12.50). Roasted chicken, carrots, potatoes, and celery were baked in creamy gravy inside a whole 10-inch pie.

The experience at Soliday’s was definitely a celebration after our modified quarantine.

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One of the Nicest Things 5C8A0L-L0745 You Can Give Your Child TODAY! Is HAPPY MEMORIES! Invite Skiddles the Clown to Entertain at Your Child’s Next Birthday!

August 2020 WNY Family 47

In times like these

home and family is everything As we cope with the current unexpected changes that have affected our daily routines, take some time to enjoy the good things in life that you wish you could do more often…

SHARE SOME VALUABLE TOGETHER TIME WITH YOUR CHILDREN…

Prepare a picnic lunch together...

Play a card game or a board game...

Explore a local park for the first time...

Together we’ll get through this tough time and WNY Family Magazine is here to help!

Due to so many events being cancelled, we will not be featuring a Calendar of Events in this issue. But you can still stay up to date by following us on Facebook and Twitter, where we share current news and fun ideas of interest to parents.

Stay safe, stay healthy!

48 WNY Family August 2020