November 2020

VOLUME 37, #9 NOVEMBER 2020

FREE!

Happy g n i v i g s k Than Gratitude 2020-Style

Welcome Rainbow Baby Violet Louisa De Fino TWEENS & TEENS

Spotting Spotting Friend-Posers Friend-Posers INSIDE:

Is Your Child Ready for Social Media?

Gifts Galore - A Holiday Guide

2 WNY Family November 2020

November 2020 • Volume 37 • Issue 9

EDITOR & PUBLISHER Michele Miller GENERAL MANAGER Paul Kline SALES REPRESENTATIVES Jennifer Staebell Paul Kline GRAPHIC DESIGNERS Karen Wawszczyk Melanie Schroeder CONTRIBUTORS Barbara Blackburn • Donna Phillips Richard De Fino • Deborah Williams Kathy Lundquist • Myrna Beth Haskell Mike Daugherty

/WNYFamily

/WNYFamily

/WNYFamily

Visit Our Web Site www.wnyfamilymagazine.com To Reach Us: Advertising Department advertising@wnyfamilymagazine.com Calendar Submissions calendar@wnyfamilymagazine.com Subscriptions subscriptions@wnyfamilymagazine.com Editorial Submissions michele@wnyfamilymagazine.com MAILING ADDRESS: 3147 Delaware Ave., Suite B Buffalo, NY 14217 Phone: (716) 836-3486 • Fax: (716) 836-3680 PRINTED BY: Commercial Printing Division The Post-Journal, Jamestown WE ARE AN AUDITED PUBLICATION CIRCULATION (copies printed): 20,000 © 2020 Western New York Family, Inc. All rights reserved. Reproduction in any form without permission is strictly prohibited. Inclusion of an advertisement does not constitute an endorsement by the publisher.

PRINT SUBSCRIPTIONS: MAILED FIRST CLASS, IN AN ENVELOPE SAME DAY ISSUE IS DELIVERED FROM THE PRINTER: $28 one year, $52 two years, $75 three years.

Phone & online orders accepted with credit cards. Gift subscriptions available. Single copies & back issues by mail, $2.50.

IF YOU MOVE: Missed issues will not be replaced if we do not receive an address change before issue mailing date.

Where It’s At! Happy Thanksgiving!

Features: 6n

Being Thankful Every Day of the Year: What is Gratitude?

8n

Make This Thanksgiving Meaningful

by Sarah Lyons

10 n

Thanksgiving: To Host or Not to Host?

by Cheryl Maguire

30 n Tweens and Teens Spotting Friend-Posers: How to Teach Tween Girls to Identify Bad Friendships

by Dolores Smyth 32 n Single Parenting Forgiveness: Making Room for Success

by Diane Dierks, LMFT

Regulars: 5 n Web Finds / What’s New In The Kid Biz

12 n Family Travel Seneca Falls

by Deborah Williams

20 n Journey into Fatherhood Introducing Our Rainbow Baby

by Richard De Fino 21 n Parent Previews Celebrating Family

by Kirsten Hawkes

22 n Raising Digital Kids The Social Media Eventuality

by Mike Daugherty

38 n The Kid Friendly Kitchen Turkey Noodle Soup/Turkey Shepherd’s Pie/Turkey Fajitas

by Kathy Lundquist 39 n The Kiddie Gourmet Unbridled Cafe

by Barbara Blackburn

Directories: 14 n 27 n 34 n 37 n

Gifts Galore Let’s Party Wellness Choices Your Home

24 n Pick of the Literature

by Dr. Donna Phillips 26 n Dear Teacher

by Peggy Gisler & Marge Eberts 28 n Special Needs Celebrating the Holiday Season with Special Needs

by Julia Garstecki

You’ll find FREE courtesy copies of WNY Family at all Buffalo area Wegmans and 300 locations including Public Libraries, Doctors’ Offices, Child Care Centers and many of our advertisers.

(Look for us INSIDE Wegmans on the racks where newspapers are sold, even though we are still FREE, or in some stores, on the FREE rack in the store foyer.)

Find this entire issue online at www.wnyfamilymagazine.com November 2020 WNY Family 3

4 WNY Family November 2020

web.finds THANKFUL PUMPKINS

What’s New...

IN THE KIDBIZ TEACHING KIDS ABOUT MONEY MANAGEMENT

Kelly Elko’s blog “Love Where You Live” will show you how to make these pumpkins the centerpiece of your Thanksgiving celebration. Real pumpkins or “funkins” (a.k.a., fake pumpkins) are painted white – or any color that matches your decor. Paint the stem gold for some “pizzazz.” Place mini pumpkins at each guest’s place and provide a Sharpie so they can write what they are thankful for this year. If using “funkins” don’t forget to add the date so you can save them and reflect on them years from now.

Details at: https://www.kellyelko.com/thanksgivingtraditions-thankful-pumpkins/

PILGRIM HAT CRAYON CUPS

Kristyn, mother of six, over at “Let’s DIY It All” created these adorable crayon-holding cups that will be popular at the “kids table” on Thanskgiving. She found black cups at Hobby Lobby and cut out the bottoms of the cups with an X-acto knife. Glue ric-rac to the rim of each cup.

Then glue the rim to a circle of black scrapbook paper or cardstock. Hot glue a button on top of the ric-rac. Her site even has 2 printable activity placemats that the kids can work on with the crayons. Check it all out at: https://letsdiyitall.com/pilgrim-hat-crayon-cups/. More printable Thanksgiving coloring pages at https://www. morethanamomofthree.com/2014/11/03/free-thanksgiving-coloring-pages-printables/

SCRAP RIBBON PINECONE TURKEYS

Melissa, mom of two boys, of “Fireflies + Mud Pies,” created these adorable turkeys that can also be used as placecards. Pinecones, scrap ribbons, brown pompoms, wiggly eyes, red twine or yarn, and a hot glue gun combine to make these little characters. Find the complete tutorial here: https://www.firefliesandmudpies.com/ scrap-ribbon-pinecone-turkeys/

CRANBERRY CANDLES

If you’re looking for a simple but sophisticated centerpiece for your table, why not try this knock off of a Pottery Barn item. Purchase clear glass containers and add candles which are proportionate in size. (With kids at your table, make sure the candle does not rise above the rim of the glass.) Add real cranberries around the base of your candle. Tie a ribbon or twine around the rim or the neck of the vase, if the shape allows. Pottery Barn’s cranberries were plastic and are no longer available (https://www.potterybarn.com/products/cranberry-vase-filler/) but if you’d prefer to reuse your centerpiece year after year, search Google for “cranberry vase filler,” as they are available elsewhere.

As more parents oversee their child’s remote education this fall, a MyBankTracker.com study finds that they’re concerned about their children learning about money. A strong foundation in personal finance can lay the groundwork for a lifetime of smart money management.

With a recession in effect and student loan debt rising, 84% of parents surveyed want schools to offer classes with the aim to improve financial literacy.  Millennials are the most likely to teach their child about money (85.9%)  Men overall are/were less likely to teach it than women (20.8% vs 15.3%)  More than 82% will teach or did teach their child about money before age 18  Most parents plan to teach it between age 5-10 (elementary school: K - grade 5): 30.7% -- Age 11-13 (middle school: grades 6-8): 27.6% -- Age 14-18 (high school: grades 9-12): 23.9% -- Nearly 18% don’t plan to or didn’t teach it  Respondents in the South are most likely to teach it compared to other regions (84.9%)  Northeasterners are most likely not to teach their child about personal finance (26.1%) As of February 2020, only 21 states require high school students to take a personal finance course, according to the Council for Economic Education, but the majority of respondents wish they did.  Nearly 84% wish their child’s school taught a class on financial literacy -- The 65+ age group wishes more than any other group that their child’s school taught a class (93.2%)  Around 16% don’t want their child’s school to offer a class -- Parents between ages 35-44 prefer their child’s school not teach a class of financial literacy more than any other age group (33.2%) Complete results available here: https:// www.mybanktracker.com/open-data/surveys/ survey-when-parents-teach-kids-money-310872 November 2020 WNY Family 5

Being Thankful Every Day of The Year

T

hanksgiving will be here before we know it. During this year of COVID-19, it’s more important than ever to recognize the things for which we are grateful — and to teach our children to do the same.

Studies have shown that people who practice gratitude consistently report a host of benefits that you might not expect. Robert A. Emmons, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the University of California, Davis, and the world’s leading scientific expert on gratitude, lists the following benefits: Physical • Stronger immune systems • Less bothered by aches and pains • Lower blood pressure • Exercise more and take better care of their health • Sleep longer and feel more refreshed upon waking Psychological • Higher levels of positive emotions • More alert, alive, and awake • More joy and pleasure • More optimism and happiness Social • More helpful, generous, and compassionate • More forgiving • More outgoing • Feel less lonely and isolated Research shows that gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness.

Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships — all things we can certainly benefit from in today’s trying times.

6 WNY Family November 2020

What Is

Gratitude?

G

ratitude is one of many positive emotions. It’s about focusing on what’s good in our lives and being thankful for the things we have.

Gratitude is pausing to notice and appreciate the things that we often take for granted, like having a place to live, food, clean water, friends, family, even computer access. It’s taking a moment to reflect on how fortunate we are when something good happens — whether it’s a small thing or a big thing.

We can use lots of words to describe feelings of gratitude: We might say we feel thankful, lucky, fortunate, humbled, or blessed.

Why Gratitude Matters Gratitude doesn’t just feel good.

Making a habit of gratitude can also be good for us. Like other positive emotions, feeling grateful on a regular basis can have a big effect on our lives. Brain research shows that positive emotions are good for our bodies, minds, and brains.

 Positive emotions open us up to more possibilities. They boost our ability to learn and make good decisions.  Positive emotions balance out negative emotions. People who often feel grateful and appreciative are happier, less stressed, and less depressed. Gratitude is like a U-turn on complaining or thinking about what we don’t have.  One positive emotion often leads to another. When we feel grateful, we might also feel happy, calm, joyful, or loving.  Gratitude can lead to positive actions. When we feel grateful for someone’s kindness toward us, we may be more likely to do a kindness in return. Your gratitude also can have a positive effect on someone else’s actions. Thanking people can make it more likely they’ll do a kindness again.  Gratitude helps us build better relationships. When we feel and express heartfelt gratitude and ap-

preciation to people in our lives, it creates loving bonds, builds trust, and helps you feel closer.

When we make it a habit to feel grateful, it makes us more aware of good things as they happen.

CHRISTMAS TREES PRE CUT Open until Dec. 23rd 6-10 ft.

Build a Gratitude Habit Sometimes, feelings of gratitude happen spontaneously.

But we also can create feelings of gratitude by deliberately counting our blessings.

Fraser, Douglas, Canaan, Concolor

CUT YOUR OWN Fields Open thru Dec. 13th Spruce 5-8 ft.

Wreathes & Roping

BOSTON HILL NURSERY, INC.

You can build a habit of counting blessings just by paying attention each day to things you’re glad to have in your life.

Slow down and notice what’s around you. For example: “Wow, the sky is beautiful today! What an incredible world we live in,” or, “There’s Sara! It was so nice of her to help me yesterday.”

7421 Old Lower East Hill Rd., Colden, NY 14033 www.bostonhillnursery.com • 662-7411

Noticing the things you’re grateful for is just the first step in building a gratitude habit, but you can try other things too, like taking the time to thank people or pausing to appreciate a star-filled sky. Start now. What’s good about this moment?

3 Ways To Practice Gratitude Everyone can benefit from making an effort to practice gratitude every day. These 3 steps can help you start feeling more grateful, and appreciative of the good things in your life: 1.

Notice good things, look for them, appreciate them.

2.

Savor, absorb, and really pay attention to those good things.

3.

Express your gratitude to yourself, write it down, or thank someone.

Notice the Good Things in Your Life Start to notice and identify the things you are grateful for.

Tune in to the small everyday details of your life and notice the good things you might sometimes take for granted.

Try these ideas:  Each day, think of 3 things you are grateful for. Nature.

People. Community. Shelter. Creature comforts like a warm bed or a good meal. It’s amazing what you notice when you focus on feeling grateful.  Start a gratitude journal. Making a commitment to writing down good things each day makes it more likely that we will notice good things as they happen.  Practice gratitude rituals. Some people say grace before a meal. Pausing in gratitude before eating doesn’t have to be religious. It’s a simple habit that helps us notice and appreciate the blessing of food on the table.

Once you’re aware of the blessings of everyday life, the next step is to savor them. continued on page 19

H

H H Open to the Public H H

H

Open Tumbling: Mon & Wed 8:50-9:45pm Open Workout: ages 6+ - Fri & Sat 7:15pm-9pm Indoor Play: up to age 5 - Wed & Th 12-1pm SUNDAYS e FREE infant sensory class: ul d Call to Sche ages 6 wks to 16 months - Tu 12-12:30pm

Birth day Pa rties

H

70 Weiss Avenue • West Seneca, NY 14224

(716) 677-0338 H www.gymnastics-unlimited.net

Learn

USFA - Certified Coach Equipment Provided

toFence

Classes Kids, Teens, Adults

Fencing Center of Buffalo 485 Cayuga Road Cheektowaga, NY

See our website for a full class listing

CALL 553-3448 www.fencingbuffalo.com November 2020 WNY Family 7

— by Sarah Lyons

spirit, talk with your kids about how some people may not have coats, hats, and gloves to keep them warm during the cold winter months. As a family, collect hats, coats, scarves, gloves, and blankets that are still in good condition to donate to a homeless shelter. Gather items you may have in your home that you are no longer using and ask friends and family to do the same. Go to the store and have the kids pick out items they would like to give to another child their age.

Take A Break

Make this Thanksgiving

MEANINGFUL W

hen we think of Thanksgiving Day, delicious food, football, and getting together with family and friends come to mind. This year’s celebration will need some adjustment due to COVID.

Looking for a more concrete idea?

Have everyone write down or draw a picture of what they are thankful for.

After everyone shares their paper, place them all in a three ring binder. Each year add to the binder and reflect on all the blessings of the past.

The original purpose of Thanksgiving was to show gratitude and give thanks for a bountiful harvest. As we celebrate Thanksgiving in today’s normally fast-paced world, we often tend to forget about stopping to give thanks for all of our blessings. Make this Thanksgiving meaningful by starting some family traditions that help everyone in the family acknowledge all the goodness in their lives.

“We do a Thankful Tree throughout November,” says Stephanie Loux, mom of three. “I draw a tree to tape on our pantry door and the kids cut out leaves from construction paper. Each night we all write one thing we are thankful for on a leaf and tape it to the tree. Kids can be grateful for a variety of things from butterflies to Elsa. We look forward to this tradition every year.”

Make A List

Christmas is right around the corner and many kids will receive new items as gifts. In anticipation, have the kids help clean their closets and toy boxes and set aside items they no longer need. Donate gently used toys and clothing to a local charity or family in need.

One way to remember your blessings is to acknowledge them. Go around the dinner table and have each person name something they are thankful for.

This could be done each night at dinner during the month of November or for the week leading up to it. On Thanksgiving Day, have all your guests do the same.

It is heartwarming to give thanks for the blessings we have.

8 WNY Family November 2020

Donate To Charity

This process will not only reduce clutter around the house but it will teach the kids to be generous to those who are less fortunate than they are. In the same

Have each family member take a break from a luxury they enjoy. Ideas may include dessert, manicures, coffee, soda, or a favorite video game or TV show. This exercise reminds us to be grateful for the luxuries that are otherwise taken for granted.

Family Service Project

Set aside time to do a service project as a family. Ideas may include cleaning up trash in a local park, rake a neighbor’s leaves, working at a food pantry, purchasing items for a Thanksgiving meal and delivering them to a family in need, organizing a book drive for a local children’s hospital, or adopting a family for the holidays.

When you volunteer as a family, kids see you helping others and are more likely to continue serving as an adult.

Serving in an area that your children are already interested in helps create excitement for the project. If your child loves singing, go caroling at a senior center. If your child loves to play at the park, plant flowers or pick up litter to help maintain the park’s beauty. If they love crafts, make blankets for a homeless shelter.

There are many possibilities for children of any age and skill level.

Gather Together

Encourage the kids to think of friends and neighbors who may not have anywhere to go on Thanksgiving and invite them to come over for dinner. Discuss the importance of hospitality and welcoming others into your home. If you are not hosting Thanksgiving, consider hosting a brunch the following day and opening your home to friends and family — but remember to social distance in all situations.

Little Helpers

Thanksgiving dinner preparation is a lot of work. Having the kids help prepare dinner and clean up for company will teach them how much work really goes into preparing a large meal like Thanksgiving dinner. This will teach them appreciation for the work that goes into a holiday meal and also encourages a good work ethic at a young age.

This Thanksgiving take time to remember what Thanksgiving really means.

It’s not about Black Friday deals or endless football. It’s about giving thanks for what we have, sharing with and serving others, and celebrating with those we love. And during this year of COVID, it’s being thankful for our health.

CELEBRATE the

Season

In The hIsTorIc VIllage of WIllIamsVIlle

Shop and Spoil Yourself Best Children’s Shopping Is Found on Main St. in Williamsville

Pumpkins

Opportunities To Serve With Your Kids 



 



     

Organize a collection drive - ideas include coats, hats and gloves, blankets, toys, or clothing to donate to those in need Fill the food pantry - Take the kids shopping for favorite non-perishable food items and/or go door to door in your neighborhood to collect items to donate to a local food pantry Offer to rake leaves or shovel snow for a neighbor or friend Operation Christmas Child - fill shoeboxes to send to children overseas. Check www.samaritanspurse.org for more information and collection dates and locations Bake cookies for friends, neighbors, or take them to the local police or fire station Send care packages, cards, and letters to soldiers overseas Draw pictures for seniors and deliver to an assisted living center Volunteer at an animal shelter Plant flowers or trees Clean up the school grounds or a local park Service is not limited to the holiday season. This summer, have a lemonade stand or garage sale and donate proceeds to your favorite charity.

Sarah Lyons is a busy mom of six kids, including two-year-old triplets. Her family enjoys doing service projects together.

Experts in Fine Children’s Clothing 5520 Main Street (at Cayuga)

5225 Main St. Williamsville, NY 633-1966

Find us on Facebook - Clayton’s Toys

Williamsville, NY 632-2246

Pumpkinschildrensclothing.com

SMALL BUSINESS H

S AT U R D AY N OV E M B E R 2 8 T H

d

f

f

d

f www.willvill.com November 2020 WNY Family 9

: g n i v i g s k n a Th

To Host or Not to Host?

— by Cheryl Maguire

C

“

an we please host Thanksgiving dinner?”

This is how I wanted to respond to my 11-year-old daughter, “Not if I can help it,” since I hated cooking, cleaning, and anything related to hosting a dinner for 20 people. If I’m being totally honest about my feelings — going over to my sister’s house sounded much more appealing. But I knew that isn’t the answer she was looking for. Instead, I responded as any mom would that is hoping to avoid a debate that could rival an experienced lawyer.

“Maybe.”

“YES!” My daughter screamed as she balled up her fist moving it in a downward motion like she just won the lottery.

“Why are you excited and responding yes?

“Because maybe always ends up being yes.”

She had me there, usually, her lawyer level debate skills ended up turning my maybes into a yes.

“It isn’t a yes yet. Now go get ready for school.”

Over the next week, I made a long list of all the reasons why going to Auntie’s house for Thanksgiving would be far superior then hosting at our house in preparation for our upcoming debate. And just when I thought I was ready; I won a turkey from a contest at the YMCA. If I didn’t know any better, I would have thought that my daughter 10 WNY Family November 2020

somehow rigged the contest to make sure I won.

“Guess who won a turkey?”

“YES!” Again my daughter screamed as she balled up her fist moving it in a downward motion like she just won the lottery.

“There you go saying yes again.

You didn’t even guess who.”

“I can tell that you won and that means we are going to host Thanksgiving.”

In addition to being a lawyer, it seemed like she may have some psychic abilities.

“Why do you want to host so badly anyway?”

“I want to decorate the house, bake, and have everyone here.”

Sure that’s easy for her to say. She didn’t have to go to the grocery store, clean the entire house, and spend days cooking and baking. Or did she? If she wanted this so badly it only makes sense that she complete all of the tasks involved in hosting.

what they were in for either.

At the crowded grocery store, I felt frustrated trying to make my way over to the aisle with the cranberries. My young Padawan was unfazed as she strolled along with a perpetual smile as if she was in Disney World. Come to think of it, there were some parallels like the mobs of people and overabundance of food but it was lacking in people wishing you to have a magical day.

During the cleaning of our house, my daughter maintained a sunny disposition. She even played music and danced as she did it. The song “Whistle while you work” popped into my head and again I was reminded of Disney World. Maybe my daughter is going to be a Disney character one day. She will have a plethora of jobs to choose from given all her abilities to adapt.

And then, when I didn’t think it was possible to be any happier, she looked the most elated to cook and bake.

When the big day came and we were all seated around the table, I thought about all the preparations. My daughter never complained and maintained a smile even when she did the less appealing things like take out the garbage or clean the dirty dishes. Her enthusiasm was infectious and I might even go as far as to say it was fun to host. The best part was spending time with her and realizing that something I thought was tedious could be entertaining.

“Mom, can we host Christmas?”

Even though I enjoyed hosting, I thought we were getting a little ahead of ourselves by discussing this before dinner was over.

“Maybe.”

“YES!” Again my daughter screamed as she balled up her fist moving it in a downward motion like she just won the lottery.

“Ok, but you are going to have to grocery shop, clean and help me every step of the way.”

Looks like we will be hosting Christmas, too.

“YES!” Again my daughter screamed as she balled up her fist moving it in a downward motion like she just won the lottery.

Cheryl Maguire holds a Master of Counseling Psychology degree. She is married and is the mother of twins and a daughter. Her writing has been published in The New York Times, Parents Magazine, AARP, Healthline, Your Teen Magazine, and many other publications.

Clearly, she had no idea what she was in for. I couldn’t help but think of those poor turkeys that also had no idea

THE CULTURAL CORNER

REGISTRATION OPEN for all ACTING, SINGING & DANCING CLASSES. 4231 Transit Rd. • Williamsville, NY 14221

(716) 810-0551

www.academyoftheatrearts.com

1 WNY Family December 2014

November 2020 WNY Family 11

E

lizabeth Cady Stanton proclaimed these powerful words at the first Women’s Rights Convention in Seneca Falls on July 19, 1848. It took 72 more years of fighting and campaigning before the passage of a constitutional amendment granting women the right to vote.

FAMILY TRAVEL — by Deborah Williams

“We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men and women are created equal…”

Seneca Falls is celebrating the centennial of that amendment in this pivotal election year.

The expanded Women’s Hall of Fame moved into the former Seneca Knitting Mill building just across the SenecaCayuga Canal in August. The historic buildings from the early days of the fight for women’s rights are part of the Women’s Rights National Historic Park operated by the National Park Service.

The town is a less than two-hour drive east on the Thruway and makes an easy day trip.

At the time of the convention an unmarried woman did not vote, speak in public, hold office, attend college, or earn a living other than as a teacher, seamstress, domestic or mill worker. A married woman lived under these restrictions and more: she could not make

12 WNY Family November 2020

Elizabeth Cady Stanton moved to town from Boston with her lawyer husband, who was also an active abolitionist lecturer and traveled frequently. At the time they had three children and eventually four more. She found her small town life as a housewife depressing, writing: “I suffered with mental hunger, which, like an empty stomach, is very depressing.”

Miller told us that after a meeting with five friends, Stanton and the others decided to hold a convention nine days later. On July 19 and 20, some 300 women and men gathered in the Wesleyan Chapel to hear the first formal demands for women’s rights.

contracts, sue in court, divorce her husband, gain custody of her children, or own property, even the clothes she wore.

“Why Seneca Falls?” asked Hilary Miller, a National Park Service guide, opening her “conversation” about what happened at the spot where our small group was standing. “The canals spread education and ideas throughout this region that became known as the Burned Over area because of the ferment over religious ideas, the abolitionist movement and women’s rights.”

The local newspaper reported “an intelligent and respectful audience” attended and at the next day’s session the amended declara-

tion was adopted: 100 women and men signed the document.

“The convention… was in every way a grand success… the most momentous reform that had yet been launched on the world — the first organized protest against the injustice which had brooded for ages over the character and destiny of one-half the race,” Stanton wrote 50 years later.

Park Service guides conduct daily talks or conversations at important historic sites throughout town including the Elizabeth Cady Stanton House. Check their website for times.

Another important meeting took place in Seneca Falls that would change the course of the fight for women’s suffrage. It was a chance encounter in May 1851 that is memorialized in a statue

overlooking Van Cleef Lake.

It portrays Amelia Jenks Bloomer introducing Susan B. Anthony to Elizabeth Cady Stanton. The friendship that was forged between Stanton and Anthony gave direction and momentum to the 72-year struggle for women’s suffrage, which culminated on August 26, 1920 in the passage of the 19th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.

The three women who make up the statue are now wearing lace collars in honor of the late Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg.

Justice Ginsburg was one of 287 women who have been inducted into the Women’s Hall of Fame. It is now located in the former Seneca Knitting Mill, a large brick building. It is the perfect location because of its size and prominent location.

Most importantly, it is also a place where thousands of women worked outside the home and earned union wages for more than a century until it closed in 1999.

During the Civil War, the Mill was used to produce thousands of socks for the Union Army. Seneca Falls was second only to New York City in textile production. As World War II raged overseas, a largely female Mill crew made woolen goods for U.S. servicemen, with a focus on socks once again. In the post war years, workers at the Mill produced socks for the National Hockey and Basketball Leagues as well as companies such as Ralph Lauren and Polo. At one time workers washed and sorted as many as 20,000 pairs of socks each day.

Displays tell the story of the Mill workers, Hall of Fame inductees, and the origins of the women’s movement. continued on page 36 November 2020 WNY Family 13

Asa Ransom House

10529 Main St. (Rte.5), Clarence 716-759-2315 www.asaransom.com Warm up this Fall with a cozy stay at Asa Ransom House Bed & Breakfast. Enjoy a relaxing and romantic getaway in this Historic Country Inn. You’ll find fireplaces in many of the guest rooms and some even have a balcony or porch that over looks the lovely garden. Right now if you book 2 nights you can stay for a 3rd for FREE! During your stay stop by the charming Sunshine Square Gift Shop. You’ll find a large selection of unique gifts perfect for holiday gift giving. Gather your friends for traditional afternoon tea, call the Inn for dates and times. Visit www.asaransom.com.

Gift Certificates are available.

Bender’s Christian Store

8550 Sheridan Drive, Williamsville 716-633-5757 www.shopbenders.com Bender’s provides quality products that reflect the original intent of Christmas: to honor and remember the birth of Jesus Christ. The selection of gifts includes Nativity sets and crèches, jewelry, framed art, and collectables to give as gifts this Christmas season. Bender’s also offers personalized laser engraved gifts, from pens, key chains, and ornaments to plaques and picture frames. Engraved on the spot, adding a personalized message is easy, quick, and convenient. Along with inspirational books, Bibles, CDs and DVDs, Bender’s strives to provide everything necessary to celebrate a truly meaningful holiday season. Come visit us today!

14 WNY Family November 2020

Children in Action

75 Mid County Drive, Orchard Park 716-662-6886 www.childreninactiongym.com Children in Action has been in business in Orchard Park for 30 years, offering a fun, energetic and safe environment for recreational gymnastics. We offer classes filled with movement, fitness, music and laughter for children 12 months to 12 years. Birthday parties are also available for both students and non-students. They are budgetfriendly and always a BIG hit! Our famous Parent and Tot classes provide a wonderful social experience for all. Many students and parents comment on the friendly and welcoming atmosphere created by Ms. Debbie! Gift certificates are available in various denominations for gymnastics sessions or parties.

Happy Holidays

Crossen Christmas Tree Farm

1198 Judge Road, Basom 585-813-8701 www.crossentrees.com Bring your family out to the country and make some memories cutting down your own Christmas tree! You can even have us cut it for you. We’ll be doing things a little different this year to keep our staff and visitors safe, but you’ll still have a chance to pick up everything you need to decorate, including lights, angels, stockings and tree skirts.

Pick out a fresh-made wreath for your door or give one as a gift.

Check out our website for more information.

Designing Dish

138 Grey Street, East Aurora 716-655-4456 www.designingdish.com Everyone is an artist at Designing Dish – a paint your own pottery store featuring Glass Fusing. New to our exciting menu of mediums: Glass Etching. Create one-of-akind make and take gifts from wine glasses to ornaments. We have those special projects that everyone will always remember. Now offering Pottery-on-the-Go kits for birthday parties, scout groups, day cares, and private parties.

Children’s groups and private art lessons are now being held every week. Celebrate the Holiday Season by visiting us in the historic village of East Aurora. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram.

crossen christmas tree farm ifetim day M ies eating H oli Cr

e! emor to Last a L Don’t Forget to…

Get a FAMILY PICTURE in the GIANT SLEIGH Thousands Enjoy complementary of trees to Hot Chocolate choose from!

Stop in the Holiday Gift Shop Cut it yourself Pick out a Fresh Wreath

1198 Judge Road, Basom, NY 14013 (Short drive from Buffalo)

or we can cut it for you.

www.CrossenTrees.com Pottery Painting and Glass Fusing.

Follow us on Facebook & Instagram

Now offering Pottery To Go Kits Individual Kits, as well as Parties to Go! Open for limited seating and private parties.

138 Grey Street, East Aurora, NY

716-655-4456 • www.designingdish.com

Asa Ransom House 10 R H V i oom

istoRic

illage nn

♥ FALL/WINTER ♥

Romantic Getaway Special Enjoy two nights and stay a third night for FREE! (Full Country Breakfast Included)

View Rooms at www.AsaRansom.com

10529 Main Street, Clarence, NY • (716) 759-2315

~ Since 1973 ~

Monaco’s Violin Shop & Music Centre

~ Violins Annual Sale Nov. 27th thru Dec. 22nd ~ Violas Will include retired rentals! ~ Cellos ~ Basses 688-8600 ~ Rentals www.MonacosViolinShop.com Parkway, Suite 106 ~ Repairs 55 CrossPoint Getzville, NY (off N. French between I-990 & Millersport) ~ Sales November 2020 WNY Family 15

Federal Meats

Children In Action

GYMNASTICS

Gift Certificates Now Available! rating Celeb ars 30 xypeerience! of E

Join our Winter Session OUR PROGRAM FEATURES: • Gymnastics • Birthday Parties • Tumbling for children 12 months to 12 years old • Parent and Tot Classes • Exciting Circuit • Scaled down equipment for younger children

Call 662-6886

75 Mid County Drive, Orchard Park (Located in the Southtowns Tennis Center)

www.childreninactiongym.com 16 WNY Family November 2020

With 9 WNY Locations to serve you 633-1390 for the nearest location www.federalmeats.com Give The Gift of Good Taste!

Enjoy this real old-time butcher shop, where meat professionals assist customers one-on-one in selecting their meats, poultry, deli and seafood. Here is where you can have your favorite items cut and wrapped to your specification. Their large deli section includes a full signature line of freshly prepared dinner entrées and appetizers to choose from. Federal Meats specializes in friendly knowledgeable service where phone orders are always welcome.

Federal Meats accepts Cash, Master Card, Visa, Discover and EBT. Holiday Gift Certificates, Steak & Meat Packages are also available for year-round gift giving.

Fisher-Price® Toystore

636 Girard Avenue, East Aurora 716-687-3300 www.fisherpricetoystore.com The Fisher-Price® Toystore carries a large selection of Fisher-Price products including many licensed items and Mattel® products like Barbie®, Hot Wheels®, Matchbox® and more. We also offer a Baby Shower Registry for all of your new baby needs. Our expert staff will be happy to assist you with any questions you may have to determine the right products for you. Call our information line at 716-687-3300 to hear about weekly specials and store hours, or to get directions to our store. Like us on Facebook.

Hyatt’s All Things Creative

1941 Elmwood Avenue, Buffalo 716-884-8900 www.hyatts.com Discover special gifts for everyone on your list and shop local this year with Hyatt’s All Things Creative. As a family owned and operated business in Western New York for 60 years, Hyatt’s knows how to inspire creativity in people of all ages with their more than 50,000 products.

Beyond art supplies, come see their large selection of fine pens, writing journals, creative gifts for kids and custom framing.

You’ll also find experienced and knowledgeable staff that is happy to take the time to help you find the perfect gift. Gift cards also available in any amount.

Kid to Kid

1060 Niagara Falls Blvd., Tonawanda 716-831-8300 www.kidtokid.com/tonawanda Holiday gift shopping at up to 70% off mall prices! We’re a familyowned, upscale resale store at 1060 Niagara Falls Blvd. in Tonawanda.

We buy and sell the best of what kids outgrow: kids’ clothing sizes 0-14, shoes, toys, books, games, baby equipment, maternity wear and more. We buy all seasons all the time, no appointment necessary. It’s a win-win for parents... by trading in outgrown items and buying what’s needed now, and by giving another child an opportunity to love those items. Kid to Kid supports and donates to local charities. Open Mon-Sat 9am-8pm, Sun 12-5pm. Follow us on Facebook!

Past & Present Science & Nature Store and Fossil Gallery

VISIT OUR FREE FOSSIL GALLERY! Hours: Mon, Tues, Fri, Sat 10-6 Wed & Thur 10-8 Sun 12-5 (for the holidays) Please call for additional hours

Fossils, Rocks & Minerals Amethyst Geodes Crystals & Tumbled Stone Science Discovery Kits Educational Toys • Books & Posters Jewelry • Agate Slices Unique Gifts From Around The World

Gift Certificates Available

3767 South Park Ave. Blasdell NY • 716-825-2361 • www.pastpres.com

ned Locally ow r fo & operated rs! ea Y 0 2 over

For The Adventurer On Your Holiday List...

Gift Cards Available

• Fun for all ages • Controlled indoor climbing • Friendly instructors • No experience needed

1333 Strad Avenue • North Tonawanda

695-1248 • www.niagaraclimbingcenter.com

November 2020 WNY Family 17

Monaco’s Violin Shop & Music Centre

55 CrossPoint Parkway, Suite 106, Getzville 716-688-8600 www.MonacosViolinShop.com Monaco’s Violin Shop is a family owned and operated business serving this area since 1973. Monaco’s is the only store in Western New York that specializes in the retail, rental, and repair of violins, violas, cellos, and basses. Exclusively at Monaco’s, come and see our carbon-composite instruments as well as our acoustic electric violins. From November 27th through December 22nd, we will be holding our annual sale on all instruments and accessories. Including, books, cases, bows, music stands, and musically inspired gifts. This year we will also be selling some retired rental instruments. Contact us for more details.

Niagara Climbing Center

1333 Strad Ave., North Tonawanda 716-695-1248 www.niagaraclimbingcenter.com Niagara Climbing Center, WNY’s original indoor rock climbing facility, has found a way to wrap up fun and adventure. This Holiday Season you can purchase NCC Gift Cards in any dollar amount. Kids of all ages will love Niagara Climbing’s 6,000 square feet of climbing terrain. Whether you are an avid climber or have never climbed before, NCC has a variety of walls and routes to suit beginners, intermediate or advanced climbers. Call or stop in to purchase your holiday gift certificates. You can be confident your gift will be unique and the memories made at Niagara Climbing Center will not soon be forgotten.

Support Your Community

Shop Local 18 WNY Family November 2020

Past & Present Science & Nature Store

3767 South Park Avenue, Blasdell 716-825-2361 www.pastpres.com Past & Present is a unique science & nature store offering unusual treasures from around the world.

Fossils, rocks, minerals & crystals are some of the geologic wonders you might find for that one of a kind gift. Beautiful amethyst cathedrals, geodes & other natural pieces of art, along with handcrafted jewelry, are always available. Browsing our shop is a great experience for kids of all ages.

Books, posters, science discovery kits & geology tools are just some of the great gift ideas available. Be sure to visit our free Fossil Gallery featuring dinosaurs, sharks, local & internationally found fossils.

Skate Great, Inc.

Programs at area rinks in Canalside, Cheektowaga, East Aurora, Hamburg & Orchard Park 716-580-3458 www.sk8gr8.com Support small business this holiday season by giving the gift of ice-skating, an experience that will last a lifetime! Skate Great has been teaching children & adults of all ages to skate for the past 20 years. They offer a wide range of programs including Learn-toSkate, Beginner Hockey & Adult Only sessions. Private and semiprivate lessons are also available to further develop hockey & figure skating skills. Skate Great is sanctioned by both Learn to Skate USA and USA Hockey.

BEING THANKFUL EVERY DAY continued...

Savor the Feeling of Gratitude There are moments when you naturally, right then and there, feel filled with gratitude. These are moments when you say to yourself, “Oh, wow, this is amazing!” or “How great is this!”

Pause. Notice and absorb that feeling of true, genuine gratitude. Let it sink in. Soak it up. Savor your blessings in the moment they happen.

Express Gratitude Expressing gratitude is more than courtesy, manners, or being polite. It’s about showing your heartfelt appreciation. When you thank someone, you’re also practicing the first two gratitude skills: you’ve noticed something good, and you’ve genuinely appreciated it.

Try this:  Show your appreciation to someone who did something nice. Say: “It was really kind of you to…,” “It really helped me out when you…,” “You did me a big favor when…,” “Thank you for listening when…,” “I really appreciated it when you taught me…,” or “Thank you for being there when…” You also can write your gratitude in a letter.  Express gratitude by doing a kindness. Gratitude might inspire you to return a favor, or act with kindness or thoughtfulness. Or you might see a situation when you can “pay it forward.” Hold the door open for the person behind you,

even if it means waiting a little longer than you normally would. Do someone else’s chores without letting the person find out it was you.

Notice how you feel afterward!  Tell the people in your life how you feel, what they mean to you.

You don’t have to be mushy or over-the-top. We all have our own style. But if you say what you feel in the right tone at the right moment, even a simple, “Mom, good dinner. Thanks!” means a lot.

True gratitude doesn’t leave you feeling like you owe other people something — after all, if you’ve done someone a favor, you probably don’t want the person to feel like you expect something back in return. It’s all about feeling good and creating a cycle of good.

An Exercise To Help Reinforce An Attitude of Gratitude Brain research shows that positive emotions, like gratitude, can benefit our bodies and minds. Feeling grateful for what we have (instead of obsessing about what we don’t) helps with many different aspects of our lives — like relieving stress and boosting determination to try again when things don’t work out the way we want.

The act of writing down feelings of gratitude can reinforce this powerful emotion. The questions below can help you start thinking about gratitude.

For a daily reminder to practice gratitude, post your answers where you’ll see them each day or keep them in a gratitude journal. Then, make it a habit to pause each day to notice and appreciate what’s good in your life.

1.

Write down a gratitude ritual you do now. For example, giving thanks before a meal or pausing before you go to sleep to think about what went well in your day (and how to find good in the things that didn’t!).

2.

Write down an everyday blessing you’ve noticed that you used to take for granted. For example, electricity that keeps the lights on; fresh, clean running water; or powerful arm muscles that help you play your sport.

3.

Name someone you’re grateful to have in your life and why.

4.

Describe something that happened in the past that you didn’t feel grateful for at the time, but now think of with gratitude.

5.

Describe a moment when you felt gratitude in real time. What other emotions did you feel?

6.

Describe a way you’ve thanked someone or intend to thank someone.

This information was provided by KidsHealth®, one of the largest resources online for medically reviewed health information written for parents, kids, and teens. For more articles like this, visit KidsHealth.org or TeensHealth.org. © 1995-2020. The Nemours Foundation/ KidsHealth®. All rights reserved.

November 2020 WNY Family 19

O

kay girl, I just need another big push! One more and you’re having a baby!

Are you ready?” Andrea nodded her head, confirming to the doctor that she was, in fact, ready to have this baby — and so she pushed. I also nodded my head, confirming to myself that this was really happening; we were finally having this baby!

On September 1st, six days before her due date, Andrea woke me up at 4:30 in the morning and very calmly said, “Hey, don’t freak out, but I’m in labor.” She was having steady contractions throughout the night, and they were becoming increasingly stronger. I jumped out of bed and thought to myself, “Okay Ricky, this is really happening. We planned for this, don’t freak out.”

At that time, her contractions were seven minutes apart, which bought us enough time to get ourselves ready before we had to leave.

Andrea tried to get a little more sleep, while I started to pack the car, making sure to not leave anything behind.

We had planned for this moment for so long, leaving no room for error, but as the hours passed I started to panic.

I tried to remain calm, watching Andrea effortlessly multitask her morning; wanting to be camera-ready, she was blow-drying her hair in between contractions. She was doing much better than I was.

At 7:50am her contractions were now about 4 minutes apart, “I really think we need to leave now” I said for the third time. Andrea wanted an unmedicated, natural birth, so we had planned for her to labor at home for as long as possible. We had discussed this plan for weeks, which at the time sounded fine. But now that the moment was here, I wanted nothing more than to get her out of the house. “Andi, we have a twenty-five minute drive to the hospital, I don’t want to cut it too close,” I pleaded. Andrea was really quiet as the contractions became stronger, “We gotta go,” she finally said.

We made it to the hospital in exactly twenty-five minutes. I don’t think I’ve ever driven so carefully in my life, but somehow, I still managed to hit every bump in

tears and I took a step back. I wondered if it was possible for us to have a happy outcome this time?

It was hard to imagine.

Trying not to let my mind wander, I focused on Andrea.

She continued to labor for just over an hour before the nurse sighted the crown of the head, and when she did, she called the doctor. Within two minutes, our room was filled with an entire medical team made up of nurses, doctors, and a handful of bright-eyed students in white lab coats. They told us it was time.

I remember feeling so proud at that moment. It was an honor standing next to her.

What a completely selfless act I thought; to carry life inside you for 9 months. I was speechless.

In the final moments, my eyes continuously darted back and forth between Andrea and the doctor, just waiting for something to happen, and within just a few short minutes, something did happen!

I’ll never forget the sound of our daughter crying as she made her first appearance in this world.

When the doctor placed her on Andrea’s chest, my heart was filled with life again. Her name is Violet Louisa De Fino. We gave her the middle name Louisa in honor of her brother, Louis. All of the stress and worrying over the past nine months was gone. She was perfect and far more beautiful than I had imagined. That night in the hospital, I felt like it was just the three of us in the entire world. Our rainbow was finally here.

Introducing Our Rainbow Baby!

20 WNY Family November 2020

the road-causing Andrea to wince in pain.

Upon arrival, we were sent to triage. Soon thereafter, we learned Andrea was already fully dilated to 10 centimeters. They quickly rushed her down to the labor and delivery unit.

The reality of us having this baby was beginning to set in, but being in that room was triggering for me, and I know she was thinking about it, too. The thought of something terrible happening was inescapable.

After all, when it came to babies, we only knew heartbreak. My eyes began to fill with

Richard De Fino, a freelance writer by night, first became a father at age 34. After losing his first-born son Louis, at birth, he was determined to keep his memory alive the best way he knew how; through words.

Now, with the birth of his daughter Violet, he plans on continuing to share his fatherhood journey each month with WNY Family readers.

Making Media Entertainment An Easier Choice For Families

Celebrating Family

Thanksgiving is traditionally a time to gather with our families and celebrate the ties that bind. The COVID-19 pandemic will have us trimming our guest lists for the turkey feast this year but we can still use digital technology to connect with those we love. And we can watch films that celebrate family. Here’s a list of family-focused movies you can enjoy with your kin.

PARENT PREVIEWS — by Kirsten Hawkes

Coco (2017, PG)

All Miguel wants to do is become a musician, but his greatgrandmother banned her descendants from having anything to do with music. Then one day Miguel comes across a storied guitar and winds up in the Land of the Dead, where he meets his ancestors and his musical idol. Filled with bright colors, rollicking music, and reminders of the importance of family and heritage, this movie is a great choice for kids (unless they are frightened by skeletons).

OVERALL RATING: B+

VIOLENCE: (B-) LANGUAGE: (A-)

SEXUAL CONTENT: (A-­) ALCOHOL / DRUG USE: (B)

The Sound of Music (1965, G)

Despite her earnest desire to be a nun, Maria’s irrepressible energy makes her stand out in the staid life of her convent. When the Mother Superior suggests she take a temporary job as a governess and think about her future, Maria agrees, eventually bringing joy to the widowed Captain von Trapp and his seven unruly children.

This movie provides music, romance, and adventure in equal measure. Take the time to share this beloved classic with your children.

OVERALL RATING: A

VIOLENCE: (A-) LANGUAGE: (A)

SEXUAL CONTENT: (A­) ALCOHOL / DRUG USE: (A-)

Meet the Robinsons (2007, G)

Lewis is an orphan and a genius who spends his time tinkering with his inventions. One day, a boy who claims to be from the future appears and takes Lewis forward in time. Together they thwart a kidnapping and face up to the large consequences that can follow apparently small actions. Parents looking for a warmhearted film about finding and loving your family will appreciate this charming, kid-friendly option.

OVERALL RATING: A

VIOLENCE: (B) LANGUAGE: (B+)

SEXUAL CONTENT: (A­) ALCOHOL / DRUG USE: (B+)

Christopher Robin (2018, PG)

The grown-up Christopher Robin is now a workaholic middle manager, with a wife he barely sees and a daughter he’s grooming for the same kind of “success.” Winnie-the-Pooh is facing his own problems in the Hundred Acre Wood and comes to London looking for help from his old friend. As Christopher Robin reckons with his choices and their costs, he realizes what matters the most - the importance of making family our top priority.

OVERALL RATING: A+

VIOLENCE: (B) LANGUAGE: (A)

SEXUAL CONTENT: (A­) ALCOHOL / DRUG USE: (A)

November 2020 WNY Family 21

RAISING DIGITAL KIDS — by Mike Daugherty

The Social Media Eventuality

S

ocial media is one of the primary ways centennials communicate with their peers, local businesses, and the global community. It is almost inevitable that your children will ask to create accounts on major social media platforms as they enter adolescence. They hear or see videos on TikTok, pictures on Instagram, and stories on Snapchat. Their friends have accounts, and they do not want to miss out. They want to be a part of that digital dreamland, but we know it can quickly become a nightmare. Predators, cyberbullying, and privacy concerns are at the forefront of a very long list of social media pitfalls. The question of when they should be allowed to join social media is tricky. No parent wants to see their child left behind, but social media presents a whole new set of challenges. Let’s take a look at how you and your child can take a safe approach to enter the world of social media.

What age should i allow my child to join social media?

Almost every social media outlet requires users to be thirteen years old before creating an account. The requirement is in place to comply with the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act of 1998. Having a minimum age for users is helpful, but there are ways to bypass the age restriction. For example, Insta22 WNY Family November 2020

gram specifies 13 years old in the site’s terms of service but does not ask users for their age during the user registration process. Many children under thirteen use these social media services with or without their parent’s permission. In my opinion, the answer to when to join is unique to each child. You know your child best. I would not allow them to create an account until you feel they are mature enough for the responsibilities that come with having a public facing profile online.

My child is ready.

Now what?

So you’ve decided to let your child connect with the global community through social media. It would be best if you lay down ground rules from day one. Set the expectations for what is acceptable and the consequences for unacceptable behavior. Have a conversation about personal privacy, reputation, cyberbullying, and how they should behave online. Common Sense Media has an excellent resource for parents categorized by age group that you can use this to help educate yourself before sitting down with your child. You’ll find all the details here: https://www.commonsensemedia.org/social-media/age/teens.

Balancing Act Now comes the challenge of protecting them online and empowering

them to make smart choices. It’s about finding the balance of giving them some personal space while ensuring they don’t do anything stupid. My research showed a wide array of approaches that ranged from stalking every single post to letting them make their own decisions without much parental involvement. In my opinion, the best practice is one that starts with a lot of oversight that gradually decreases as your child grows and earns your trust.

There are some similarities when it comes to younger teens or new users.

Most experts agree that parents should openly and actively monitor their children’s social media activity for starters.

In the beginning, your teen needs to know that you are watching their posts and direct messages.

Parents should know the username and password for each social media site during those initial stages. You’ll need that information to check their one-onone communications with other users on the site. These direct messages are not public, so you won’t see them scrolling through their feed. One suggestion was to go through the feed with your teen to make it feel less like “patrolling their activity” and more like something you can do together.

Keeping an eye on their posts should be something you do openly, which makes this idea of looking at posts together even more appealing.

Whether you do it together or on your own, I would strongly recommend that you not attempt to be sneaky and do this without their knowledge. Going behind their back will quickly lead to mistrust.

Your teen may choose to block you from their account altogether or even go as far as to create a secondary account that they hide from you.

Be open and honest with your child about what you’re doing. As time passes and your teen shows you they can make smart decisions; you should feel comfortable monitoring their accounts with less frequency.

Some young adults may be embarrassed by having a parental account fol-

lowing them on social media. Parents can consider creating a fake account of their own to help with the embarrassment issue. Create an account, don’t add much detail to it, and use that to follow your children’s accounts. Let your teen know that the account belongs to you so they do not remove it or block it, thinking that it might be a stranger. Another option is asking a friend to keep an eye out on your behalf. Your teen will want to quickly build a following, which will translate into them asking trusted adults (aunts, uncles, family friends) to follow them online. Those people can keep you informed if you feel comfortable asking them.

Mistakes are bound to happen.

Their brains and decision-making abilities are still developing. I would encourage all parents to keep that in mind as they take this journey. Social media is something they will most likely be using for decades in the future. It is essential to instill good habits at a young age.

In Conclusion The question, “What exactly is the right age to give your son or daughter access to social media?” is misleading.

The answer doesn’t lie in the age of the child. The better question to ask would be, “Is my child developmentally ready for this responsibility?”

the Chagrin Falls Exempted Village School district in Northeast Ohio. As an IT director he has developed creative, well thought out solutions that positively impact teaching and learning.

As parents, you need to educate your son or daughter on the appropriate use of these various platforms. Everyone involved needs to understand the potential risks when going down this path. Social media can be extremely positive for everyone in the house when the proper support strategies are in place.

Mike Daugherty is a husband, father of three young children, author, speaker, Google Innovator, and possible Starbucks addict. He is a certified educational technology leader who has served in a variety of roles through his twenty-year career in public education. Currently, Mike is the Director of Technology for

Bag O’ Books Giveaway ENTER TO WIN a high quality, zippered canvas tote bag imprinted with the Buffalo & Erie County Public Library logo, filled with 15 books for children ages 2-5!

Courtesy of the Buffalo & Erie County Public Library and Wegmans *Books will need to be picked up at WNY Family’s office*

ENTRY DEADLINE: December 15, 2020 YES! Enter Us In “BUFFALO & ERIE COUNTY PUBLIC LIBRARY BAG O’ BOOKS GIVEAWAY” Drawing!

(ONE entry per family/address. No photocopies accepted. No purchase necessary.)

NAME __________________________________________________________________ STREET ________________________________________________________________ CITY _______________________________ STATE ________ ZIP _________________ PHONE __________________________ Kids ages: _____________________________

If you would like to receive our FREE Digital Issue, please provide your email (optional).

Email: __________________________________________________________________ MAIL ENTRY to: WNY Family, 3147 Delaware Ave., Suite B, Buffalo, NY 14217

To enter online, visit www.wnyfamilymagazine.com November 2020 WNY Family 23

PICK OF THE LITERATURE — by Dr. Donna Phillips

I

f there was ever a time to be grateful for little things this is it! Many have spent the last few months often in isolation and hopefully in contemplation of who we are and what we value. Whether it was through what we saw, were told, experienced, or read, most have come to this Thanksgiving with a new set of priorities and renewed values. Hopefully, we will be looking forward to celebrating this holiday with family and friends without fear.

There are many ways to do so.

Enjoying favorite foods, appreciating fall decorations, spending time outdoors walking, biking or playing (if the weather allows), playing games, watching the holiday football games or other programs on television, or reading books are just some of the activities you may enjoy together. If you are looking for some new books to explore and share there are some interesting and unique publications.

For little hands and beginning learners, the board book Hearing (Charlesbridge, Watertown, 2020, $8.99), part of the “Baby Loves Science” series, is written by Ruth Spiro and illustrated by Irene Chan. This basic book shows how we hear, with colorful illustrations and simple phrases. It is a supportive way to help children understand how they 24 WNY Family November 2020

apparent in his newest book Wild Symphony (Rodale Kids/ Random House, New York, 2020, $18.99), illustrated by Susan Bartori. In this, he combines both of his talents to create an interactive book complete with poetry, colorful illustrations, and music that you can listen to through the app you can download using the QR code provided in the book.

hear and why others may have difficulty.

There are opportunities throughout the book to engage the child in creating and listening for the sounds around them.

Music is a wonderful way to engage imagination and emotions. In The Song for Everyone (Bloomsbury, New York, 2020, $18.99), Lucy Morris creates a mystery with a magical song that enchants the entire community. Through it, everyone forgets their loneliness, aches and pains, weariness, and isolation. But one day, just as magically as it appears, it stops and the sadness returns. Soon the entire community meets to try to find it and bring it back. Together they find the source and, through their effort, it returns. This gentle story of connection, caring, and reconnection gives hope that things can and will change for the better if we all work together.

When you hear the name of the author Dan Brown, you will probably think of his best-selling book The Da Vinci Code. But did you know he was raised as a classical musician? This becomes very

Simply scan a page with your phone and the music he composed plays, providing a wonderful backdrop to your reading.

As we travel the globe meeting the animals of the forest, field, and sea, Brown captures them through his music. We also learn a bit about how he creates and produces the orchestrations in the book.

This book will most certainly engage children of all ages and make the read aloud experience an even more sensory experience!

What We’ll Build: Plans for our Forever Future (Philomel Books, New York, 2020, $19.99), written and illustrated by Oliver Jeffers, is a beautifully imaginative and reassuring book that tells the loving story of a father and daughter. Through simple rhyming text they share their dreams and plans as they create a home and memories that will see them through the good times and the bad.

Through this story, we get the sense of peace and serenity that we all need, knowing that there are those that love, support, and protect

us. This is certainly true for children, as we navigate the unknowns of the future, especially now.

Over these many months, many have risen to do great things for humanity and for community. Others have worked silently and without accolade to take care of family, friends, colleagues, and neighbors.

Regardless, all of us have been challenged to look inward for a new vision outward. It was believed that this year was supposed to have been the year to help us cultivate 2020 vision and clarity. Little did we know about the challenges we would face. We have learned much about our strength, our resilience, and that life goes on… For this, may we be truly thankful.

Dr. Donna Phillips is an associate professor in the College of Education at Niagara University, where her specialty is literacy and children’s literature. She lives on Grand Island, NY and is the mother of two adult children and the grandmother of one.

November 2020 WNY Family 25

DEAR TEACHER

We’re making a list & checking it twice, Looking for stores that are

Un i q u e and Ni c e...

Showcase the unique gift ideas your business has to offer in our

Gifts

Galor Holiday Gift Guide

Want a FREE 100 word “Gift’s Galore” Profile?

Call your Advertising Rep. to find out how.

Appearing in our December Issue SPACE RESERVATION DEADLINE: November 9th For more information, contact your Advertising Representative directly or call 836-3486 ext. 104.

26 WNY Family November 2020

– by Peggy Gisler and Marge Eberts

Helping all parents make their children’s educational experience as successful as possible

Latest News on Cursive Handwriting

Q

uestion: What is the latest on cursive writing? Is it making a comeback or gone forever? All my children have been taught is how to write their names in cursive. — Love Cursive Answer: The decision of states to drop cursive handwriting instruction from their curriculum was definitely influenced by the dropping of this skill from the Common Core standards in 2010. However, by 2016 cursive instruction began making a comeback, especially in the South and is continuing to do so throughout the country.

Today, the older generation laments the passing of cursive instruction. But the younger generation questions its role in a time when both cursive and print handwriting are being replaced in schools by keyboarding on computers and typing on mobile devices.

Both advocates of teaching printing and/or cursive agree that each play a major role in child development and need to be taught. An MRI scan study has shown that they fire up a “reading circuit” in the brain that is not engaged in children when they are typing.

There is at the present time no conclusive evidence that learning cursive contributes to developmental gains in children.

Research does show that it can benefit children with dysgraphia (a handwriting learning disability). Plus, cursive handwriting is typically faster than printing and reduces the confusion between “b” and “d.” Most experts now say that one form of handwriting is no better than the other.

Is Child’s Reading Problem an Eye Problem?

Question: I just read the parent letter about her second grader’s choppy reading. This sounded exactly like what my son experienced. The school reading intervention program did not result in improvements, so I took him to a pediatric ophthalmologist who determined that he had an ocular misalignment.

One of his eyes didn’t immediately focus on the word, so he had to look at each word until it came into focus. The problem was easily fixed within 90 days at no cost with daily vision exercises. Please get back to this parent and recommend an eye exam with a pediatric ophthalmologist (non-pediatric ophthalmologists may miss the problem). Our doctor told us that if this is not addressed at an early age, it is irreversible. — Solution Found Answer: Whenever a young child has a reading problem, both eyes and ears should definitely be checked out. Thanks for

the good advice for our readers. However, keep in mind most reading problems are not caused by a medical problem.

Choppy reading in second grade can be caused because students did not learn their basic phonics and sufficient sight words first and also due to a fluency problem. Improving reading fluency is definitely a big part of the language-arts process.

Not only does it improve comprehension, it also makes children confident oral readers in the classroom. Plus, fluency is one skill that is relatively simple to improve in students who don’t have serious reading or communication disorders.

Satisfying Needs of Gifted Child Question: I have a young son who learns things rather easily. He began reading at three. And now at five, he can add, subtract, and multiply and understands fractions. He also can do his older cousin’s third grade work.

The local school placed him in kindergarten. Their policy is not to advance children until third grade and then for only one grade. He enjoyed kindergarten at first because he got to play and made new friends.

Once the class started to learn the alphabet and count to 10, he began to hate school because it was so boring. We asked the teacher if he could bring his own books to read while the other kids did what he already knew. She said that the books were not age appropriate.

Once the school closed due to the pandemic, we were able to have him do challenging work at home. Now he is back in school in first grade and finds the work to be boring once more.

Can anything be done in public schools for an advanced learner, or do we need to consider homeschooling? — Perplexed Answer: Your son is a gifted student. And while in kindergarten there were some benefits, he was learning socialization skills and acquiring some art and music skills. Many teachers would not have the attitude of this kindergarten teacher and would have set him loose on the computer and in books to provide a more challenging curriculum.

If he continues in this local public school or its online classes, he will not be advanced until third grade. You might want to look for a different public school or a private one that would let him do more challenging work in the classroom, skip him one or two grades, or let him take classes such as reading and math on a more advanced level while letting him remain in first grade for most of the day.

You also might consider homeschooling. There are many exciting possibilities. Homeschoolers may get together with other homeschoolers to offer an exciting curriculum on several levels. This is more like a school. Also, you could homeschool him and join other homeschoolers for field trips and special advanced classes.

Within your area, there will be other bright young children like your son. Become part of a gifted organization to learn of all the possibilities to give your son an education that matches his abilities.

Save $25 with discount code: BDAY25

UNFORGETTABLE Ninja Warrior PARTIES

• Obstacles for all ages and abilities • We cover the food, entertainment, and clean up. You focus on having fun!

Book your BIRTHDAY PARTY today!

4691 Transit Road • Williamsville, NY 14221

716-276-3491 • www.buffalo.thewarriorfactory.com

One of the Nicest Things 5C8A0L-L0745 You Can Give Your Child TODAY! Is HAPPY MEMORIES! Invite Skiddles the Clown to Entertain at Your Child’s Next Birthday!

Coming in January...

Let’s Party!

Be a part of WNY’s premier children’s party planning resource where celebrations become our “upfront” focus.

Reach nearly 60,000 readers with a

FREE PARTY PROFILE! Call today to find out how!

Parents should send questions and comments to dearteacher@ dearteacher.com or to the Dear Teacher website.

836-3486 ext. 104 November 2020 WNY Family 27

A

s the holi— by Julia Garstecki day season approaches, celebrations will be in full swing, albeit down-sized due to COVID. Family gettogethers, office parties, and neighborhood soirees are sure to bring lots of yummy food, laughs, and a bit of stress. As much fun as holiday parties are, they can also be a challenge. Especially if you have a child with special needs. The concept of holiday gatherings is great, but as the parent of a child with multiple disabilities, I found them overwhelming. Schedules, sweets, and worrying about my child having fun outweighed my ability to be in the moment.

But after years of experience, I’ve finally figured out how to make them work for my family. Hopefully, some of these solutions can help.

Solution #2: Bring safe desserts. Bring enough for all, and brag about your nutritious family lifestyle!

Solution #3: Talk with the host, and other guests if it’s comfortable for you. No, they might not understand, but maybe they will. It’s not fair to dictate the whole menu, but it is fair to raise the awareness of others.

PROBLEM THREE: Fitting In

Celebrating the Holiday Season with Special Needs

PROBLEM ONE: Timing Children on the spectrum or with anxiety issues may struggle with schedule interference. Or, medication may need to be dispensed at specific times.

Solution #1: Discuss concerns with the host prior to the event. Is there a quiet room your child can use for refuge? Just make sure to bring the books, blanket, or smart device your child may need. Having a designated quiet place can also be used to dispense medication privately.

When you arrive, show the space to your child so they understand there is a plan in place. Just having the option may alleviate some of the anxiety.

Solution #2: If your child struggles with impromptu events, discuss the party ahead of time. Practice by going to a family or neighbor’s house. Discuss the emotions your child/teen had before, during, and after each visit. Just discussing this may ease the nerves of the upcoming party. Have a pre-planned leave time to help your child/teen understand the event is finite. Make sure to stick to the leave time so your child trusts you in the future!

Solution #3: Find a babysitter. It can be defeating when your child/teen 28 WNY Family November 2020

Empower

Ability Inspire Advocate

Parties with friends and family are a great way to bond, but also a great way to recognize who doesn’t fit in at all.

Solution #1: Do try and talk to trusted friends and family. Maybe each person can take turns spending time with your child. Better yet, if there are other gentle, trustworthy children, bring them in to the discussion and explain the best way to play with your child.

Special Needs

Solution #2: Let your kid hang with the grownups. Some children prefer adults. And while not all adults like this, who cares. At the same time, children do need to learn that not all conversations are meant for children. Choose the appropriate times to encourage your child to talk or play near other children.

Growth Strategies

Solution #3: Maybe your child is okay with not talking/playing with other kids. Just because your child is alone doesn’t mean they are bothered by it.

Make sure there is actually a problem before you try and solve something.

Potential Thri

cannot make it to a party that should be fun. That said, you deserve a night out as well. Give your child/teen a pass and let them miss the party.

PROBLEM TWO: Food All the processed party foods and sweets can have drastic impacts for some kids.

Solution #1: Begin buying healthy foods and making healthier-than-normal meals at home. You can’t control what is provided in classrooms and parties, but you can control the protein and sugar content in your own kitchen. On the day of a party, pay particular attention to your child’s diet. Then maybe your child can indulge a little bit during the party.

I’ve arrived at an event only to leave ten minutes later. And I’ve also watched my child get lost in a game with others or find a friend that needed an audience.

The important thing is that we keep trying. One never knows what surprises the holidays may bring!

Julia Garstecki is a special educator and the parent of a child with special needs.

She works at Daemen College in the Student Success Center. She is available for speaking engagements and author visits.

Contact her at julia@juliagarstecki.com and follow her on twitter @juliagarstecki.

DOES YOUR CHILD HAVE AUTISM?

We’re here to help.

Comprehensive services for children and adults with autism.

Support for your family.

· Evaluations · Early Autism Program (Preschool) · Summit Academy (Ages 3-21) · Respite Programs · Pediatric Feeding Clinic

· Recreation & Leisure Programs · Vocational & Employment Services · Adult Programs · Behavioral Health Clinic · Parent Training

We are WNY’s largest provider of evidence-based programs and services for autism.

Our programs use Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) methodology – identified by hundreds of scientific studies as the most effective method to teach individuals with autism.

Our goal is to help your child lead the most independent and fulfilling life possible.

Call 716-629-3400 | Visit TheSummitCenter.org

November 2020 WNY Family 29

Spotting Friend-Posers: How to Teach Tween Girls to Identify Bad Friendships

I

n the not-so-distant past, I used to take my two daughters out to the local diner to “catch up” over burgers (them) and a turkey club (me). I would marvel at the excited flurry of details my girls would tell me about their everyday activities — from the coolest game the neighborhood kids taught them to play to how they were practically bursting with pride over the latest masterpiece they drew.

Those days, unfortunately, are gone.

Now when my tween girls plop themselves onto the diner booth for a “girls lunch” with Mom, they lament over what this female friend said or didn’t say, and what that female friend did or didn’t do.

TWEENS & TEENS – by Dolores Smyth An equally rattling trend I’ve noticed is that when my older daughter continues friendships with kids who persuade her to belittle her younger sister, these “friends” persist with their bullying suggestions even after my older daughter has asked them to stop.

Some of these accounts are empowering, celebrating the strong bonds of female friendship. Increasingly, however, these accounts are demoralizing, causing my patient and inclusive tweens much heartache.

While I explain to my tweens the importance of forgiveness, the Mama Bear in me also clarifies that forgiving people does not require continuing to tolerate their offensive behavior. Instead, I encourage my kids to cut ties with anybody who habitually insults them or nudges them toward wrongdoing. Cutting ties may entail distancing themselves from the bad friend slowly or halting all communication immediately, depending on the circumstances.

Not every parent is receptive to hearing their child is being a bad friend, and constantly telling my girls to look past the offending friend’s behavior doesn’t work.

In fact, a running theme I’ve noticed is that when one of my daughters maintains a friendship with a “friend” caught gossiping about her, the “friend” returns to gossiping as soon as the dust settles.

Here are four types of friend-posers I discuss with my tweens and the reasons why it’s best to let these types of friendships go.

30 WNY Family November 2020

In helping my tweens discern which friendships to nourish and which to let fade, I have them focus on the totality of a person’s behavior. That makes it easier to spot a real friend from a friend-poser.

Friend-Poser #1: The Sunshine Stealer

This friend-poser is prone to jealousy and is unable to show true gladness for anyone else’s success or good fortune.

This person may point out flaws in your sunshine moment or discourage you from taking positive steps in an attempt to keep you from reaching a goal.

As long as this false friend stays mired in her intense feelings of jealousy, she can’t wish you well in any aspect of your life. Like a heavy blanket blocking out the light, cast off this Sunshine Stealer and bask in the warmth of your sunshine moment again.

Friend-Poser #2: Halley’s Comet

This “friend” rarely contacts you and, when she does, it’s only because she needs something. This person may want advice, help with homework, or simply to hang out with you because no one else is available.

Instead of going along for the ride the next time this phony friend makes her appearance, wave goodbye to Halley’s Comet and let her continue on her journey elsewhere.

Friend-Poser #3: The Double-Crosser

The Double-Crosser pals around with you when it’s just the two of you and then ignores you in the presence of others. A passive-aggressive person, this friend-poser insists that the jabs she takes at you are “jokes,” and proclaims her innocence when you find out that she’s been excluding you or badmouthing you.

The Double-Crosser is tough to spot because of how adept this person is at manipulating others. As soon as you start to pull away, this phony friend will shower you with attention, only to betray you again once you’ve dropped your guard.

may also flare up at those around you, such as other friends or a younger sibling. This friend-poser may later apologize once she’s calmed down. However, her apologies tend to include the accountability-shirking excuse that, hey, when she’s mad, she gets to act mad, so deal with it.

Verbal aggression can quickly lead to physical intimidation or worse, making this type of friendship a dangerous one. While the Raging Bull figures out how to control her anger, swing the cape aside and let this friend-poser charge right past you.

Spotting a friend-poser can be dif-

ficult and ending a friendship can be painful. However, teaching our kids how to surround themselves with kind, supportive friends (and how to be kind, supportive friends themselves!) is a worthy skill. This type of discernment will reap lifelong rewards as our tween girls march toward teendom and beyond, and continue to navigate the joys and complexities of female friendships.

Dolores Smyth is a nationally published parenting writer. She draws inspiration for her writing from her everyday adventures with her toddler and two tweens. Connect with her @LolaWordSmyth.

While the Double-Crosser figures out how to be more sincere, step aside and let this person two-step away from you.

Friend-Poser #4: The Raging Bull

This is the person who, when angry, hurls her aggression at you even if you did nothing to cause her fury. The Raging Bull’s quick-to-anger temperament

COMING UP IN DECEMBER 2021

Exploring Educa tion A Special Pull-Out Section

Want to reach local parents who VALUE the EDUCATION of their children?

We reach 55,000 of them each month!

Showcase your school, organization or education-related business to tens of thousands of WNY parents in this annual pull-out section. Editorial content focuses on various aspects of education in WNY, targeted to elementary grades and higher, including college.

EXPLORIN

WNY FAMI LY MAGAZIN

G EDUC AT IO

E • DECEMBER

N

2020 • PULL -OUT & SAVE Decembe r 2020

WNY Family 19

DEADLINES: Space Reservation: Wednesday, November 10, 2021 Copy & Materials: Thursday, November 11, 2021

For more information, call your account rep directly or call our Advertising Department at

716-836-3486 ext. 104.

November 2020 WNY Family 31

SINGLE PARENTING — by Diane C. Dierks, LMFT

: s s e n e v Forgi

Making Room for Success

“

I

will never allow another person to ruin my life by making me hate him,” said author Walter A. Henrichsen. I like this quote because it speaks poignantly to those of us who have suffered through the pain of broken relationships. As much as we all know that hate and bitterness are chosen emotions, it can be tough to subdue them when we feel betrayed. Since nine out of ten single parents assume their solo role as a result of a broken relationship, the matter of dealing with the pain of the past has an important impact on how millions of our children are being nurtured and raised.

I recently taught a course on relationships to a group of single parents in which our first session covered the necessity of forgiveness.

“Forgiveness?” they asked. “What does that have to do with single parenting?”

In fact, as soon as I brought up the term “forgiveness,” I saw looks of defeat and disappointment before the discussion even got started. It’s a step that we’re taught in almost every religion to perform with a sense of humility, yet most of us get stuck somewhere between the declaration and the first failed attempt at practicing what we preach.

Upon further discussion, our class decided this thing called forgiveness is 32 WNY Family November 2020

not as easy as it sounds — and many were questioning whether or not forgiveness was even an option in their particular situations. One woman exclaimed in exasperation, “I can forgive my ex-husband for what he did ten years ago, but what about the stuff he pulled just last week?”

All of us would agree that forgiveness can be an obscure concept when we’re forced to deal with someone on a regular basis who continues to violate our trust. The problem is magnified when that violation of trust affects the health and welfare of our children. Yet that is exactly what makes this concept of forgiveness so necessary and vital to single parent households.

Our acts of forgiveness, especially toward the other parent, not only teach our children about self-respect and respect for others, but they serve to heal our own hearts and minds, ultimately making us better, more mature, parents.

What’s more, oftentimes the person we need to forgive is ourselves.

Being ridden with guilt over our own failures can render as much damage to our families as anger or vengeful feelings toward someone else. In order to grasp what forgiveness is, it may be necessary to look at what it isn’t. Here are some of the myths many people have about forgiveness:

If I forgive, I’ll have to trust the other person. Not if the trust isn’t earned. It’s easy for a person to say “I’ll never do it again,” but none of us are perfect. Expect a relapse, and make future decisions based on sound judgment.

Forgiveness is not an emotion — it’s a process. It means you are deciding to clear your heart of the hurt and accepting the other person’s fallibility. In doing this, you give up revenge and harbored bitterness as ways to deal with the hurt.

It doesn’t mean you become a doormat.

If the other person continues to fail you, then you must continue to put limits on the relationship.

Forgiveness takes two. Absolutely not! Even if your forgiveness is not accepted by the other person, you can still control what goes on in your heart.

That’s the only thing you’ll ever have complete control of.

Forgiving is a sign of weakness — it means I’m letting the other person get away with something. Wrong again.

More often than not, forgiveness brings the infraction to the forefront and makes clear it won’t be acceptable in the future.

Forgiving takes much more discipline and self-control than acting out revenge or holding in the hurt. It’s a sign of strong character and respectable behavior.

To forgive is to forget. It’s impossible to forget something that has affect-

ed you traumatically. However, you will probably find that the act of forgiving will make room in your heart for more positive emotions, and forgetting will be one of the side-affects of forgiving!

Once you’ve made the decision to forgive, the next step is to take action.

That means letting the other person know you are forgiving him or her. This can be done in a letter, over the phone, or in person.

If you can’t find the words, at least decide in your own mind to forgive and begin to act in the spirit of forgiveness.

I guarantee if you do, the other person won’t have to be told — but this is the most difficult part of all.

Acting in the spirit of forgiveness takes commitment and self-discipline.

In doing so, you are deciding to change your behavior toward another person, which can be a real challenge when it is an ex-partner. But the rewards of taking the challenge are an improved and lessstressed environment for your children, a more confident and self-assured you, and if you’re lucky, a more civil relationship with the other parent. Anyone

who says it’s not worth a try is a glutton for punishment.

Here are a few rules of maintaining your spirit of forgiveness: 1) Decide from the start to not engage in verbal arguments with the other person. A verbal outburst will march you right out of your forgiving attitude.

When a blow-up is imminent, retreat and say you will talk about it later or write a letter. Then hang up or walk away and think about how to resolve the problem without the use of accusations and childish innuendoes.

2) The same holds true when the other person does something that causes you pain again. Don’t react on the spot and try not to boil over it for days. Sit down and express your feelings in a letter and wait TWO DAYS before you do anything. Once you’ve cooled down and have cleared the irrational emotions, reread the letter and you’ll probably want to rewrite it or make a phone call instead.

3) To avoid arguments in conversation: 

Listen and don’t speak until there’s silence on the other end.



Say “I’m sorry you feel that way,” when the other person says something hurtful, but don’t retaliate.



Keep repeating “That’s not the point,” when the conversation begins to stray into unrelated topics, and steer it back to the subject at hand.



If you know you are going to be talking about a particularly uncomfortable subject, make notes beforehand and keep them in front of you during the conversation.

Forgiveness is not a self-righteous act, nor is it a selfless act of humility. It is a healing process that can liberate you from the chains of negative and literally make room in your life for success. If you can forgive, you can move on. If you can move on, your children will follow.

Diane C. Dierks is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Atlanta, Georgia. She is also author of The Co-Parent Toolbox (2014 Aha! Publishing) and Solo Parenting: Raising Strong & Happy Families (1997 Fairview Press). For more information visit her website is www.dianedierks.com.

November 2020 WNY Family 33

s s e n l l e W Choices Coronavirus antibodies last at least three months after infection, study suggests Source: University of Toronto, October 8, 2020

C

oronavirus antibodies can last at least three months after a person becomes infected with the virus that causes COVID-19, according to a new study published today in Science Immunology.

Researchers from the LunenfeldTanenbaum Research Institute (LTRI) at Sinai Health and the Temerty Faculty of Medicine at the University of Toronto used both saliva and blood samples from COVID-19 patients to measure and compare antibody levels for over three months postsymptom onset.

They found that antibodies of the IgG class that bind to the SARS-CoV-2 spike protein are detectable for at least 115 days, representing the longest time interval measured. The study is also the first to show these antibodies can also be detected in the saliva.

“Our study shows that IgG antibodies against the spike protein of the virus are relatively durable in both blood and saliva,” said Jennifer Gommerman, professor of immunology at the University of Toronto and leader of the saliva testing effort.

“Our study suggests saliva may serve as an alternative for antibody testing. While saliva is not as sensitive as serum, it is easy to collect.”

The saliva assay was developed at the University of Toronto, while a team at LTRI, led by senior investigator AnneClaude Gingras, a professor of molecular genetics at the University of Toronto, executed the serum assay.

“The LTRI platform for detection of antibodies in serum, or blood, is incredibly robust and well suited for assessing the 34 WNY Family November 2020

prevalence of infection within the community,” said Gingras. “This is another tool that can help us better understand and even overcome this virus.”

Most people who recover from COVID-19 develop immune agents in their blood called antibodies that are specific to the virus. These antibodies are useful in indicating who has been infected, regardless of whether they had symptoms or not.

A large team of scientists collaborated on the study. Dr. Allison McGeer, a senior clinician scientist at LTRI and principal investigator of the Toronto Invasive Bacterial Diseases Network, along with Dr. Mario Ostrowski at St. Michael’s Hospital of Unity Health Toronto provided access to the paired saliva and serum samples from dozens of patients for the study.

The study was co-led by graduate students Baweleta Isho, Kento Abe, Michelle Zuo and Alainna Jamal. Dr. James Rini, a professor of biochemistry and molecular genetics at the University of Toronto, and Yves Durocher from the National Research Council of Canada provided key

protein reagents for the saliva studies.

The durability of the antibody response to SARS-CoV-2 has been debated in recent months. An earlier study published in Nature Medicine suggested the antibodies can disappear after two months for some individuals who had the virus but did not experience symptoms.

This study led by the Toronto team is in agreement with findings from leading immunologists in the U.S. in describing the antibody response as longer lasting.

While the team admits there is a lot they still don’t know about antibody responses to SARS-CoV-2 infection, including how long the antibodies last beyond this period or what protection they afford against re-infection, this research could have broader implications in the development of an effective vaccine.

“This study suggests that if a vaccine is properly designed, it has the potential to induce a durable antibody response that can help protect the vaccinated person against the virus that causes COVID-19,” Gommerman said.

Certain pre-existing conditions may double, triple mortality risk for COVID-19 Source: Pennsylvania State University, October 8, 2020

A large, international study of COVID-19 patients confirmed that cardiovascular disease, hypertension, diabetes, congestive heart failure, chronic kidney disease, stroke and cancer can increase a patient’s risk of dying from the virus. Penn State College of Medicine researchers say their findings may help public health officials improve patient care and develop interventions that can target these high-risk populations.

The researchers found that cardiovascular disease may double a patient’s risk of dying from COVID-19. They also discovered that other pre-existing conditions may increase a COVID-19 patient’s risk of death by one-and-a-half to three times. The results were recently published in PLOS ONE. “This study suggests that these chronic conditions are not just common in patients with COVID-19, but their presence is a warning sign to a higher risk of death,” said Dr. Paddy Ssentongo, a doctoral student in epidemiology at the College of Medicine and research assistant professor in Penn State’s Department of Engineering Science and Mechanics. “There is a high prevalence of cardiovascular disease and hypertension around the world and in particular, the U.S. With the persistence of COVID-19 in the U.S., this connection becomes crucially important.”

The research team conducted a systematic review and meta-analysis of studies published from December 2019 through early July 2020, to determine which chronic conditions put hospitalized patients at risk of dying from COVID-19. They explored 11 co-existing conditions that pose a risk of severe disease and death among COVID-19 patients, including cardiovascular disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, cancer, chronic kidney disease, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, stroke, congestive heart failure, asthma, chronic liver disease and HIV/AIDS. Ssentongo and colleagues analyzed data from more than 65,000 patients from 25 studies worldwide. Patients in the selected studies had an average age of 61 years. They found that certain pre-existing health conditions affected survival rates more than others. When compared to hospitalized COVID-19 patients without pre-existing conditions, researchers determined that patients with diabetes and cancer are 1.5 times more likely to die, patients with cardiovascular disease, hypertension and congestive heart failure are twice as likely to die, and patients with chronic kidney disease are three times more likely to die.

“Although the health care community has circulated anecdotal information about the impact of these risk factors in COVID-19 mortality, our systematic review and meta-analysis is the most comprehensive to date that attempts to quantify the risk,” said Vernon Chinchilli, distinguished professor and chair of public health sciences, and senior author of this research. “As the COVID-19 pandemic continues through 2020 and likely into 2021, we expect that other researchers will build on our work.”

The researchers said that prior studies exploring the association of pre-existing chronic conditions and COVID-19 mortality had limitations in the number of countries included, the number of studies included and the number of conditions explored. They also said these studies had unaddressed sources of bias that limited the conclusions that can be drawn from them.

“We took an all-inclusive, global approach for this study by examining 11 chronic conditions and including patients from four continents: Asia, Europe, North America and Africa,” Ssentongo adds. “Research suggests that SARS-CoV-2, the virus that causes COVID-19, may become seasonal and require annual vaccination. Once an approved and effective vaccine is available, high-risk individuals with these pre-existing conditions should receive vaccination priority to prevent high mortality rates.”

Even though additional research is needed to fully understand health risks and implications, particularly in understanding the effects of race and ethnicity on COVID-19 survival rates, Ssentongo said these findings can help inform global prevention and treatment strategies.

Purely Pediatrics 700 Center St . Lewiston, NY 14092

Dr. Susan Wiepert

Newborn Home Visits

716-205-3282

www.PurelyPediatrics.com

A Unique Membership Model of Pediatric Care

Gentle and Caring Dentistry for Children & Youth Ages 1-21

Pediatric Dentistry 160 Elmwood Ave. • Buffalo, NY

716-436-2130

Accepting: Fidelis & Healthplex

1660 Hopkins Rd. • Getzville, NY

716-688-7721

APPOINTMENTS AVAILABLE WITHIN 48 HOURS

www.just4mepediatricdentistry.com

November 2020 WNY Family 35

FAMILY TRAVEL continued...

A fascinating display explains the relationship between the early feminists and Native American women who were equal partners in leading their government.

The suffragists were inspired by the Native American women who selected leaders and made decisions about going to war. If a man were abusive, a woman could ask for his removal from the community. She could also divorce without losing her property or children. These were also rights denied to other women at the time.

Be sure to stop at the Visitor Center and Seneca Falls Museum. It is open daily and is just down the street from the National Park Visitor Center. There are three floors of displays on the history of the town. It was a manufacturing center and at one time the Fire Engine Capital of the country, as well as a major pump manufacturing center.

There are several exhibits about the canal that was connected to the Erie Canal and thus the oceans of the world.

It played a major role in the economy and life of the area.

Today recreational boaters are welcomed with free docking, electricity, showers, and washing machines and dryers.

36 WNY Family November 2020

The National Park Service Visitor Center next to the Wesleyan Chapel tells the history of women and their fight for equality. The first floor is dominated by a sculpture group entitled “The First Wave” and includes many of the leaders of the fight for women’s rights.

Another exhibit recalls the sensation caused by the young woman who first trod the streets of New York in a skirt… that was actually three inches from the ground. Crowds followed her, “shrieking with loud and derisive laughter.”

Check out the social distancing signs on the floor reminding everyone to stay six feet apart. One notes that six feet is “twice the wingspan of an American crow” and another that notes it is the length of a dog leash.

Take a walk along the Ludovico Sculpture Trail that follows the canal.

It boasts that it is “where history, fine art, and nature coexist.” Among the sculptures are canal diggers and Amelia Bloomer, a suffragist who made “bloomers” popular under easy fitting dresses instead of the uncomfortable dress of the 19th century.

The display of whalebone corsets will surely make any woman very happy that they are no longer the fashion of the day. The exhibit notes that the fashions of 1840 “pinches our feet with tight shoes, or chokes us with a tight neckhandkerchief, or squeezes the breath out of our body by tight-lacing.” Women laced their corsets so tightly that they gradually crushed their internal organs.

Fans (isn’t everyone?) of the classic movie “It’s a Wonderful Life” might well recognize the steel-truss bridge over the canal. About halfway across is a bronze marker reading “Here April 12, 1917 Antonio Varacalli gave his life to save another. He honored the community. The community honors him.”

Varacalli, 20, an Italian immigrant, was working along the canal when a despondent young woman jumped from the bridge. He waded into the canal and pulled the woman to safety. He then sank and drowned. The woman was unconscious but was revived.

The hero was awarded the Carnegie Medal posthumously. In recent years, the community has observed Antonio Varacalli Day in the springtime not only to recall Varacalli’s heroic act, but to celebrate its contemporary heroes.

Hollywood director Frank Capra, himself an Italian immigrant, stopped in to town in 1945 when visiting relatives nearby. A year later his classic holiday film was released.

The movie’s pivotal scene is the rescue of an angel named Clarence who had been dispatched to look out for the story’s main character, George Bailey.

Despondent himself, Bailey had been on

the bridge contemplating suicide when Clarence intervened. Bailey jumps into the water to save Clarence, thereby commencing Bailey’s redemption.

This scene and other similarities have led movie experts to believe that Seneca Falls influenced Capra and became Bedford Falls in the movie. Every December (except this year) the town celebrates the movie with a December festival. This year there will be some virtual festival programs.

Travel Tip of the Month: For information on Seneca Falls visit senecafalls.com or call 315-568-1510. The Visitor Center is open daily. For more

information on the Women’s Rights National Historical Park visit http://www. nps.gov/wori or call 315-568-2991. The National Women’s Hall of Fame’s contact information is womenofthehall.org or call 315-568-8060. It is open Tuesday-Saturday by advance appointment only.

Deborah Williams lives in Holland, NY, and is a veteran travel writer whose work has appeared in national and international publications. She is the recipient of the Society of American Travel Writers Lowell Thomas Gold Travel Writing Award.

Helping You Find the Perfect Place

November 2020 WNY Family 37

T

hanksgiving. What a wonderful concept for a holiday — setting aside time, and gathering with our loved ones, with the premise of being thankful for all our blessings. I wish we could do this more often, perhaps without all the extra trimmings, just set aside time to celebrate with those we hold most dear.

So, how do you de-stress this holiday, and make it kid-friendly? Keep it simple! Enlist the help of your children, age appropriate, to allow them to participate in the festivities. Let them set the table, make personalized place settings, assemble relish trays, and help serve guests, even if the guest is their baby brother!

Short of having someone else do all the cooking, how can you make this food-laden holiday easier? Plan, and prepare ahead of time. A simple change of timetable makes the whole difference.

It allows the hosts to enjoy guests, and relieves the pressure of multi-tasking.

If turkey with stuffing is the centerpiece, make it the day before. It will taste just as good, if not better, the next day, and you won’t have to get up as early or stress over when the bird is ready. Many side dishes can also be made ahead, whether it’s mashed potatoes, vegetables, or just opening a can of cranberry sauce and putting it in a bowl. It’s easier to cook when you’re not trying to greet a houseful of visitors. You’ll be able to relax with your guests, have the meal on time, and enjoy the day.

Now, for those leftovers: If you have any questions about our column, e-mail Kathy at allergy@ roadrunner.com. For further information about food allergies, contact FARE www.foodallergy.org, or call 1-800-929-4040.

Kathy Lundquist is a Western New York parent whose son, now an adult, was born with severe food allergies.

Over the last two decades, she has worked tirelessly, in a variety of capacities to increase community awareness about food allergies.

38 WNY Family November 2020

TURKEY NOODLE SOUP Free of: DAIRY, EGGS, SOY, PEANUTS, TREE NUTS, WHEAT*, FISH, SHELLFISH, and GLUTEN* Yield: 4 quarts Prep Time: 10 minutes Cook Time: 40 minutes 3 quarts chicken broth 2 Tablespoons oil 4 stalks celery, chopped 2 onions, chopped 4 carrots, chopped 2-4 cups cooked turkey, chopped Seasonings – salt, pepper, rosemary, parsley, thyme (as desired) 1 pound cooked pasta* (or rice)

TURKEY SHEPHERD’S PIE Free of: DAIRY, EGGS, SOY, PEANUTS, TREE NUTS, WHEAT, FISH, SHELLFISH, and GLUTEN Yield: 6-10 servings (varies with size of casserole) Prep Time: 5 minutes Cook Time: 30 minutes 2-4 cups cooked turkey, chopped 2-4 cups leftover vegetables cut into bite sized pieces 1/2 cup gravy 2-4 cups mashed potatoes Preheat oven to 350°. Lightly grease an ovenproof casserole dish — the size depends on how large a casserole you’re making. Layer the turkey on the bottom, then the vegetables, pour the gravy over it. Cover the casserole with mashed potatoes. Bake at 350° for 30 minutes.

In a large sauce pan, sauté onions in oil, medium heat, until translucent, stirring regularly to avoid burning. Add remaining ingredients, except pasta. Bring to a boil, reduce heat and cover, simmer for about 30 minutes, until vegetables are tender. Spoon over cooked pasta or rice.

TURKEY FAJITAS Free of: DAIRY, EGGS, SOY, PEANUTS, TREE NUTS, WHEAT*, FISH, SHELLFISH, and GLUTEN* Yield: 6-8 servings Prep Time: 10 minutes Cook Time: 15 minutes 2 Tablespoons oil 2 bell peppers (green, yellow, gold, red or varied), sliced 2 onions, sliced 8-10 oz. cooked turkey, cut into strips Seasoning – salt, pepper, salsa or barbecue sauce (to taste) Tortillas – wheat* or corn Shredded lettuce Diced tomatoes In a large frying pan, sauté vegetables in oil, medium high heat. Stir until the vegetables start to become tender. Add turkey and seasonings. Stir until well heated. Serve with slightly warmed tortillas (warm about 10-15 seconds each in microwave), lettuce, and tomatoes.

THE KIDDIE GOURMET

U

— by Barbara Blackburn

nbridled in the dictionary means unrestrained, uncontrolled, not wearing or being fitted with a bridle (somewhat like a mask). The Unbridled Cafe sports pictures of horses, in comfortable surroundings. Otherwise, there are no horsey puns on the menu, like horsey d’oeuvres or horseradish. Kids’ seating is available along with a kids’ section on the menu, one for breakfast and one for lunch.

Yes, this is a breakfast and lunch place. Kids ten and under have two choices for each.

Unbridled Cafe 9380 Transit Road East Amherst, NY

716-575-6067

www.eatunbridledcafe.com

~ SPOONS ~ FOOD 5/5 SERVICE 5/5 FAMILY FRIENDLY 4/5

The choices are Egg, Bacon, Toast and Home Fries or Pancake with Bacon, available all day. The second category offers Peanut Butter and Jelly, served with carrot or chips and Grilled Cheese, also served with carrots or chips. All four selections cost $6.00 and are served with a glass

of milk or a juice box.

My favorite item was Eileen’s Coffee Cake ($3.00), a cinnamon infused, crumbtopped delight. Eileen is in charge of the kitchen, and the food is definitely structured to perfection.

My main choice was a Bacon, Peanut Butter and Banana sandwich. Eileen doesn’t skimp on the filling; this yummy favorite was plumply filled with gooey perfection.

better choices over carrots.

The roasted veggies composed of peppers, zucchini, red onion, and mushrooms added more nutrition and flavor to the sandwich selection. Those veggies were a cut above the usual side combination. Incidentally, gluten free bread is available for an extra cost.

I bet the Twin Berry Salad ($13.00) is tasty, and you can add shrimp or chicken ($3.00 or $2.00). Greens, crumbled blue cheese, candied pecans, seasonal berries, and poppy seed dressing sound inviting.

If it’s Friday a Haddock Dinner ($13.50) is a choice. This is beer battered or broiled, served with homemade potato chips and a choice of sides — coleslaw, macaroni salad, or potato salad.

I’m glad I convinced Dad to select the Shrimp Salad Sandwich over the Chicken Salad Sandwich ($14.00). Lettuce, tomato, and shrimp salad on white or wheat is crafted just right. Shrimp also shows up in the Siracha Spicy Shrimp Wrap ($14.00)

Service was quite good. Our waitress and busboy deserve kudos. In fact, Aiden had been my confirmation student. The Unbridled Cafe merits applause for being the best version of itself. As someone says, “Be best!” That’s good horse sense.

Sandwiches are accompanied by homemade chips, marinated vegetables or carrots. Those vegetables and chips were

Check out Barb’s blogs at frontierfare. wordpress.com culinarrations.wordpress. com.

November 2020 WNY Family 39

May you celebrate safely with your loved ones.

We are

GRATEFUL

for all our readers and the support of our advertisers who make it possible to provide WNY Family

FREE

to our community.

40 WNY Family November 2020