WNY Family Magazine December 2023

VOLUME 40, #10 DECEMBER 2023

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INSIDE: Gifts Galore - A Holiday December Guide2023 WNY Family 1

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2 WNY Family December 2023

December 2023 • Volume 40 • Issue 10

OWNER/PUBLISHER Paul M. Kline ADVERTISING SALES Paul M. Kline EDITOR & CONSULTANT Michele Miller ADVERTISING DESIGN Karen Wawszczyk MAGAZINE LAYOUT/DESIGN Michelle Richter CONTRIBUTORS Barbara Blackburn • Donna Phillips Shannon Carpenter • Deborah Williams Kathy Lundquist • Mike Daugherty Meagan Ruffing

Where It’s At! Merry Christmas!

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Give the Gift of Time

by Rebecca Hastings 4 C’s of the Hoiliday Season

by Rebecca Hastings Gifts for Grown-Ups

by Rebecca Hastings Give the Gift of Laughter: Games to Play at your Holiday Party in 2023

by Pam Molnar The Family Pet

A Special Pull-Out Section • Getting Kids to Flex their Brain Power through Growth Mindset • 7 Types of Primary Education

• Building Up STEAM: 35 Easy Ideas to try at Home

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• 10 Ways to Prepare Your Child (and YOU) for High School

• Rising Parental Expectations Linked to Perfectionism in College Students

Directories:

41 n Gifts Galore

n Web Finds / What’s New In The Kid Biz

12 n Family Travel: Corning, NY

by Deborah Williams

14 n The Daddy Track The Gifts We Don’t Notice

by Shannon Carpenter

16 n Raising Digital Kids - Generative AI: The Future of Learning?

by Mike Daugherty

46 n Dear Teacher

by Peggy Gisler & Marge Eberts

48 n Pick of the Literature

by Dr. Donna Phillips

• Prepare Your Kids for Careers in an AI-Driven Future World

• Success Strategies for Struggling Students

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Regulars:

50 n Single Parenting Life After Divorce: Holiday Style

by Meagan Ruffing

51 n Tweens and Teens 6 Things Your Teen Needs But Doesn’t Know How to Ask For

by Rebecca Hastings

52 n Special Needs Talking to Kids About Disabilities

by Sarah Lyons

54 n The Kid Friendly Kitchen Pork Roast with Apple Cider, Mashed Potatoes, Roasted Squash

by Kathy Lundquist

55 n The Kiddie Gourmet Carmine’s Italiano

by Barbara Blackburn

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4 WNY Family December 2023

web.finds It’s a festive time of year and much of the fun comes with the anticipation of the holidays, decorating your home, and making special treats to add a dash of extra fun to your celebration.

Here are some ideas to help you and your kids get started!

POPSICLE STICK CHRISTMAS TREES These adorable trees are made from colored popsicle sticks (buy them already-colored or paint your own), foam sticker stars for the top, and sticker rhinestones with the help of a glue gun and a utility knife (used by adults only). Pieces are cut in increments of half-inch progressing up to 3 inches for the bottom “branch.”

You’ll find more photos and a video at https://onelittleproject.com/glittering-popsicle-stick-christmastrees/

CANDY SLEIGHS These clever creations make great gifts for kids or anyone with a sweet tooth! They can also serve as place cards on your holiday table. A KitKat bar is hot glued to two candy canes to form the base, followed by smaller candy bars that are successively stacked and glued. Add a ribbon tie and a name tag. In this example, a chocolate Santa is added to “drive” the sleigh and chocolate coins adorn the top. Visit https:// www.jakheath.com/2012/12/make-your-own-chocolate-place.html for details.

REINDEER CANDY BARS Simple and quick, these cuties only require candy canes, googly eyes, red pom poms, brown cardstock paper (for ears), hot glue, and of course, Hershey bars.

You’ll find complete instructions and step by step photos at https://www.iheartartsncrafts.com/rudolphreindeer-candy-bars/

MARSHMALLOW DREIDELS Colorful to look at and yummy to eat, these dreidels are made from large marshmallows, Hershey Kisses, thin pretzel sticks, blue sugar sprinkles, and white frosting used as “glue” to coat the marshmallow and stick the chocolate kiss to the marshmallow. Find details at https://www.hwtm.com/diy-tutorial-marshmallow-dreidels-free-happy-hanukkah-printable/.

Place your dreidels into cellophane bags and print out free “Happy Hanukkah” labels from the website.

What’s New...

IN THE KIDBIZ

2023 NATIONAL TOY HALL OF FAME INDUCTEES The National Toy Hall of Fame, housed at The Strong National Museum of Play in Rochester, NY, is celebrating its 25th anniversary and has inducted baseball cards, Cabbage Patch Kids, Fisher-Price Corn Popper, and NERF. About Baseball Cards: Through the decades, kids and adults alike have collected baseball cards for the thrill of possessing images of their favorite players — or trying to collect a pricey rarity. Baseball cards are used in card trading and schoolyard bartering, as well as other flipping games.

For some, they become a playful add-on to bicycle spokes, generating a fun and memorable “click” for the rider.

About Cabbage Patch Kids: When Cabbage Patch Kids launched in 1979, they offered American children a soft, cuddly playmate in a world of hard toys and cold electronics. Consumers could not get enough of the dolls, each with its own name, its unique, lumpy rounded face, and adoption papers. They became the must-have holiday toy of 1983 and generated massive demand, paving the way for later holiday crazes around Tickle Elmo, Beanie Babies, and Furby.

About Fisher-Price Corn Popper: Inventor Arthur Holt sold his Corn Popper design to FisherPrice in 1957. With its plastic dome filled with gumball-sized balls, the Corn Popper has motivated millions of children to navigate their first steps. Through the pushing action, kids strengthen gross motor skills, while the “poppity-pop” sound of the balls stimulates the senses. Through the decades, the Corn Popper has proven affordable, durable, and fun.

About NERF: Introduced in the 1960s as a foam ball harmless enough to throw indoors, NERF toys have evolved into a line of blasters that shoot harmless foam darts for outdoor fun that encourages physical exertion, social interactions, and strategic thinking for little and big kids alike.

December 2023 WNY Family 5

Give the Gift of Time: Time & Experience Gifts for Your Family, Couples, and Yourself

S

tanding in my kitchen stirring pasta on the stove, I asked my kids to get ready for dinner. The only problem was one kid was doing homework, one was at practice, and the other was getting ready for work. I missed the days of sitting down for dinner together. As my kids were growing up, it seemed like time was slipping through my fingers and I wanted desperately to get it back.

It wasn’t just meaningful time with my kids that I longed for. I couldn’t remember the last time my husband and I had a real date. And the last time I did something fun just for myself?

Well, that was so far in my rearview I couldn’t even see it.

With the holidays around the corner, I began to think about how I could give gifts that were truly meaningful to my family, my partner, and myself. What if I could give the gift of time?

Getting Started

The first thing to accept if you want to give time and experience gifts is that they will look and feel different. This is especially true when you’re planning. Shopping feels different when you’re looking for things that capture time more than something to wrap and put under the tree.

Even giving the gift can feel different as these kinds of gifts are not things to unwrap and play with right away. Knowing this upfront makes it a bit easier. It’s okay if the gifts you give aren’t all things that can be unwrapped and used right away. Remember, you are trying to give something different.

Giving these kinds of gifts takes some adjustment. There are 5 things that will help: 1) Don’t only give time or experience gifts. If you are able, give the experience gift alongside one or two other things.

These don’t have to be big. Small, thoughtful gifts that you can wrap and put under the tree will make it feel easier. Something as simple as a book, a favorite candy, or a small toy are great ideas.

2) Give something related to the time or experience gift.

Think about what might go well with the experience you are gifting and give something connected. Maybe if you’re planning a trip to a city, you can give a book that takes place in that city.

If you’re getting tickets to an event, you can get a shirt for them to wear.

6 WNY Family December 2023

— by Rebecca Hastings

3) Get everything set up now. Don’t wait and say you’re going to get tickets to see a show or take a trip. Get everything lined up ahead of time. Take the time off work, plan your transportation if needed, schedule your event, get the tickets, and put it on the calendar.

4) Make it something that happens soon. The key to time and experience gifts is timing. Giving a time or experience gift at Christmas that they can’t enjoy until summer isn’t going to feel very exciting. Likewise, if it’s something you say will happen but never actually does. Instead, make sure it is a gift that is planned, set up, and scheduled in a timely manner so they don’t have to wait too long.

5) Consider the extras. Don’t just get tickets to an event.

Think about the other logistics. Will you go out to eat? Is anyone else coming with you? Can they invite a friend? Knowing this ahead of time will make it easier in the long run.

Gifts for Kids

Kids of all ages can enjoy time and experience gifts.

Younger kids may not fully understand, but you can give fewer gifts for the holiday and use the rest of the money to do something special.

•

Have a picnic in a new park (bonus points if it has a great playground!)

• • • • •

Take a class together Learn an instrument See a show Visit a kids’ museum Take a trip

The first thing to accept if you want to give time and experience gifts is that they will look and feel different.

Gifts for Tweens & Teens

Tweens and Teens are great for time and experience gifts, especially because, as parents, we often long for more time with our growing kids.

• Go to the movies (This is extra fun if they leave school early or stay up late) • Visit a new town and let your teen take the lead • Get concert tickets for them and a friend • Have a makeover day • Check out a bookstore and coffee shop

Gifts for Adults

Whether it is a friend or adult family member, time and experience gifts are especially nice. In the busyness of life, it’s great to carve out time to spend with other people.

• Make a regular date • Take a hike • Take a cooking or baking class • Try a new restaurant • Go for an overnight

Gifts for the Whole Family

Family gifts are enjoyable because they involve everyone.

These can be simple things like a picnic or more involved like an event or a trip.

• Plan a regular movie night with plenty of popcorn and candy • Find a spot an hour or more away and take a day trip • Get active together at a local pool or gym

Gifts for Your Spouse

Making time with your spouse is always a good idea, much better than giving another tool, mug, or candle they don’t need.

Doing something together can be the most meaningful gift you can give.

• • • • •

Pick a show to watch together and binge a few episodes (Remember, you have to be together to watch it!)

Take a walk down memory lane by visiting places from early in your relationship (or recreate them at similar locations.)

Spend some time outside going for a walk or sitting by the water Surprise your spouse with a getaway for a night Practice self-care together with a couples massage

Gifts for Yourself

Don’t forget yourself! We often neglect taking time for ourselves in our busy lives. Set up a time to do something you love. It can be a one-time event or something you schedule to do weekly or monthly.

• Pick a new skill you want to learn and take an online class (Put the time in your calendar!)

• Find a book club, fitness group, or other hobby to participate in with other people • Take a solo getaway for an hour, a day, or a few days (Getting away on your own is a great way to reconnect with yourself!)

Rebecca Hastings is a former elementary teacher who traded the classroom for writing when she stayed home with her three children. Passionate about authenticity, faith, and family, you can find her at RebeccaHastings.net and on Amazon. In real life, she can often be found typing words, driving her kids places, or wherever there is chocolate.

Celebrate these

F U N D A YS of during the month

December 4th

December 20th

December 12th

December 27th

Cookie Day

Gingerbread House Day

Go Caroling Day

Visit the Zoo Day

December 13th Cocoa Day

December 2023 WNY Family 7

friends and having a simple conversation over a quick cup of coffee can make someone’s day better.

The simpler you make community connections, the easier they are for your family to do. Show your kids that the season is much bigger than what gifts they get by helping them connect with the community around them.

4 C’s of the Holiday Season

T

he hustle and bustle are festive, but with everything we have to do, it’s all too easy to lose track of the season’s wonder. As parents, we can get caught up in checking off lists, preparing for company, shopping, and still getting the laundry done. With all of the responsibilities, it’s no surprise we lose a little bit of the magic we want to offer our kids.

The good news is, making a change doesn’t have to be complicated. You can offer your kids a wonder-filled season by focusing on the 4 C’s.

Celebration

The season is all about celebrating.

When we are focused only on getting the right gifts and having the right meal, it’s no wonder we forget about the celebration. You can remind your family how to celebrate.

Instead of making it all about what they get (or don’t get), help the kids get involved in different ways to celebrate the season. Let them help plan the meal or make a holiday recipe. Spend time outside (even if it’s cold) to see lights or window displays. Encourage everyone to be part of giving by having kids shop for one gift for another person. When you shift the focus to the celebration, everyone has more fun.

Connection

This is the perfect time of year to connect with your family. It may feel impossible, but with some planning and 8 WNY Family December 2023

Context

— by Rebecca Hastings

willingness to try new things, you’ll be surprised how much you can do.

If you feel like your family is being pulled in every direction, be intentional about time together. Set aside one night a week for a winter movie night. Take the long way home when you’re all in the car to look at the Christmas lights.

Make hot chocolate and sit under a starry sky for ten minutes together.

A large part of the magic of the season is what makes it special to your family. Teach your kids about what matters most specifically for your family in this season.

If your family values faith during this season, show your kids and help them understand the importance of what you believe. Teach and celebrate the mystery of eight nights of oil for Hannukah or the wonder of a baby being

You don’t need large amounts of time to make connecting with your family a priority. Small slivers of time seem to work better, as they are more likely to happen. When you are intentional about time together, even just ten minutes here or there, you begin to feel more connected to those you love most.

Community

Be aware of people beyond your household. Family, friends, co-workers, schoolmates, and neighbors make up the community you engage with. Even though people are busy, they can feel disconnected from others and sometimes lonely.

Think about ways you can bless others. People are often busy with family on the most popular holidays, but not always. Talk to your neighbors and friends to see if anyone would like to celebrate with you. Try making a treat and dropping off a card instead of sending it in the mail.

Face-to-face interaction builds connections that make people feel less lonely. Let your kids invite friends over and then have some coffee ready when the parents pick them up. Even playing with

born for Christmas. You can also focus on culture with the harvest festival traditions of Kwanzaa.

For some, it’s all about what the season represents. Use this time to remind your kids about how important traditions are or how caring for others matters to your family. If it’s all about the magic and wonder of winter, seek out chances to see snow or drink hot cocoa by a fire.

Whatever is most important for you and your family is what you should focus on. This means talking about it, modeling it, and making it a priority.

These are not just more things to add to your to-do list. These are the things that make your to-do list matter.

Focus on what is most important for your family, and rediscover the wonder of the season.

S

ometimes the hardest people to find gifts for are the adults on the gift list. Kids like to make their wishes known, and buying toys tends to be more fun. But what do you get an adult who has what they need?

The best approach is to think about what someone would appreciate. It’s not about what they specifically need or a non-existent wish list. Instead, it means thinking about the person and considering their likes, habits, and even things they wouldn’t buy themselves.

Gifts for adults don’t need to be expensive or fancy. You can find things that show genuine thoughtfulness or meet a need in their life. Often, that is more meaningful than something expensive that they don’t need. Here are some ideas to get you started:

Try Consumable Gifts

No one needs more stuff taking up space and collecting dust. That’s why consumable gifts are such a great idea.

Consumable gifts like food are a great way to make someone’s life a little easier and more enjoyable.

If you’re not sure where to start, GoldBelly.com has a host of options at various price points. The fun thing about GoldBelly is that you can send everything from ordinary to unique food gifts.

A fun idea is to send something from someone’s home state or a vacation spot they love. Maine lobster delivered to your door? Sweets from that famous bakery? You can even shop by region to find the perfect gift.

Another great option is giving something to help them start their day on the right foot. A coffee subscription box like Beanbox.com offers fun options for coffee lovers. Steeped.com is another fun gift that doesn’t cost a lot and offers single-serve bags so your coffee-loving friend can have coffee anywhere. If coffee isn’t a favorite, try Tearunners or TeaForte to give the gift of truly luxurious tea.

Give Something that Feels Extra Nice

Many people won’t buy special things for themselves. Consider the person you are giving a gift to. What is

Gifts for Grown-Ups:

Giving Gifts Adults Will Truly Appreciate — by Rebecca Hastings something they would enjoy but may not purchase? Maybe it’s a nice set of sheets or high-end pajamas. It could be quality hair products or a car detail.

Give an Experience Gift – The Right Way

Experience gifts can be very special. Instead of giving an item, you treat These things don’t have to be parthe recipient to ticularly expenan experience sive. You can do like a concert or this on a budget. dinner at a new Instead of buyrestaurant. There ing three beauty are two secrets to products, try getgiving experience ting one highergifts so they feel end product. The Many people won’t special. final cost will be buy special things First, you the same. These for themselves. need to set it up. are the ordinary Don’t tell them things that make people feel special beyou’re going to take them to a concert cause they are more than they would buy or go out to the movies. Plan it. Pick the for themselves. show. Buy the tickets. Have everything all set. Part of the gift is that they don’t need to figure it out. This also ensures Everyone could use something to that the experience happens. Too often pass the time, especially during the winwell-meaning experience gifts get forgotten in the busyness of life. Having it ter. Think about things that your recipiall planned and purchased helps prevent ent would enjoy doing on a quiet day. that.

Jiggypuzzles.com features art by female artists and come with tools to save and Second, make the giving special. hang the puzzle on the wall.

Simply telling someone you’re going to Another favorite winter activity is take them to do something doesn’t make reading. Book subscription boxes are it feel exciting. Instead, think about how a fun way to give your bookish friend you can make it feel like a gift when new winter reads. Once Upon a Book they open it. Put the tickets in a nicely Club comes not only with a great book wrapped box. Pair a gift card for a restaurant with a small treat that goes with the but with 3-5 wrapped gifts that go along theme in a gift bag. Get matching shirts with the story. They even have directions you can wear to the concert and tie them to open each one at a certain point in the together with a bow. This makes the giftbook. This makes the reading experience giving and the experience special. even more exciting.

Keep Them Busy

December 2023 WNY Family 9

Give the Gift of Laughter:

— by Pam Molnar

Games to Play at your Holiday Party in 2023

A

fter dinner has been served and the presents have all been opened, it is time to pull out the games. Playing games at holiday parties is a great way to keep the party going and a chance to mingle with all the guests. It is also a wonderful way to bring the generations together, build precious memories and have laugh out loud moments with the people you love.

If you are looking for some new games to play this year, try out some of these.

Snowball Fight We tried this game for the first time last year, and it was a hit! You will need a bowl, a bag of large marshmallows, and a package of ping pong balls. The player stands at the end of a long table or counter and tries to get as many ping pong balls into the bowl as possible. At the same time, the rest of the players are trying to knock the ping pong ball out of its path with marshmallows.

Gift Bag Pong This game is like beer pong but without any drinking. Place empty plastic cups on a long table or counter. Players use a ping pong ball to throw and, hopefully, land in one of the cups. For each winner offer a prize, different gift cards of equal value, or a gift bag filled 10 WNY Family December 2023

with candy. You can play with either wrapped or unwrapped items and allow gift stealing for a fun twist.

Don’t Spill the Water To play this game you will need a large clear glass, a plastic cup filled with water for each player, and a steady hand.

Players take turns filling up the glass with a small amount of water without spilling it or having it go over the edge of the clear glass. The first player who does is out. Empty the glass and continue the game until there is one player left.

That Blows For this game, stretch masking tape across a long table or counter about 4” apart. In each rectangle, add a lit tealight candle in the center and a gift of your choosing to the right. Gift items could be money, socks, candy, gift cards or whatever else your group might enjoy.

Players take turns standing at the end and blowing out as many candles as they can with one breath. The player wins the gift in the rectangle with the last blown out candle. (Obviously, lighted candles can pose a hazard, so limit this game to older children or adults, and make sure

that no one’s hair or clothing can get near the candles.)

The Gift Game You will need several wrapped gifts (Dollar Tree items, White Elephant gifts, thrift store or garage sale finds, etc.). Place gifts in the center of the table. Each player rolls a pair of dice to try to get doubles, allowing them to pick a gift. Play continues until all gifts are gone. Everyone then opens their gifts.

When everyone has had a chance to look at everything, play begins again. Set the timer for 10 minutes. This time when a player gets doubles, they get to take a gift from another player. When the 10 minutes are up, players get to keep whatever gift they have in their possession.

Blindfolded Christmas Craft This game works well with prepackaged craft kits from craft stores like Hobby Lobby. Look for simple crafts like gingerbread man ornaments or a holiday sticker scene. Each player is given a craft and a blindfold. The best craft (as voted by the players) is the win-

ner. This game is as much fun to watch as it is to play!

The 12 Days of Christmas Break your group into teams and seat them intermingled, with no two team members sitting next to each other.

You will need two large bowls or buckets filled with items related to the 12 days of Christmas (like a gold ring or a pear) and a few things not related (like a picture of a cat). You will also need a poster board for each team, broken into 12 spaces with each day of Christmas gifts listed. On GO, pass the buckets around the table with everyone choosing one thing to take out and put on the correct day, returning the wrong item or any duplicates as needed. The first team to complete the grid is the winner.

Pam Molnar is a freelance writer and mother of three. Holidays at their house include lots of food, laughter and of course, games.

Happy

Holidays from

December 2023 WNY Family 11

FAMILY TRAVEL

Corning Museum of Glass ornament tree

— by Deborah Williams

Experience A “Crystal City” Christmas in Corning

I

t is known as America’s Crystal City and has been voted the Most Fun Small Town in the country. The city’s Historic Market Street was named “One of the Ten Great Streets of the Year” by the American Planning Association But Corning boasts extra special attractions: a place to solve most of your holiday shopping issues with reasonably priced, amazing make-your-own unique glass handiworks that could be the perfect gift for a grandparent, a teenager, a Secret Santa recipient — all those people who are often difficult to shop for. The whole family can make some of their own cre- Historic Gaffer District ations. The results are professional looking and one-of-thekind.

Best of all, Corning is just two hours away in New York’s Southern Tier, making it a perfect weekend destination. Children are always free at the city’s biggest attractions and there are many innovative programs that engage younger visitors.

A gaffer is a master glass blower, and the historic Gaffer District along Market Street is named in honor of Corning’s rich glass heritage.

It is filled with restaurants, shops, and boutiques with many unique gift items. The street’s 19th century buildings have been restored and recognized for their historic significance. They are 12 WNY Family December 2023

listed with the National Register of Historic Places.

The city has long been at the forefront of all things glass including innovative technology and science. Of course, the glass light bulbs for Thomas Edison were made by Corning. Gorilla Glass, a brand of chemically strengthened glass used on smartphones, laptops and televisions was developed and manufactured by Corning. Do you have any Pyrex dishes in your kitchen? They too came from Corning, as did millions of glass Christmas ornaments.

The story of glassmaking in the city begins with Elias B. Hungerford, a Corning businessman with a patent for glass window blinds. Since there were no glassmaking facilities in the region, he formed a relationship with the Houghton family, owners of the Brooklyn Flint Glass Company. In 1868, the Houghtons relocated their company to Corning and named it Corning Glass Works.

At the same time, a growing trend in American luxury glass developed — brilliant cut glass — and the city became the leading center for this style of glass.

An influx of talented glassmakers from Europe and the United States spurred the growth of the region and Crystal City was born.

Making your own glass creations is an increasingly popular visitor activity.

Reservations are recommended. Since most all glass works must be slowly cooled overnight, reserve your spot for your arrival day. Shipping is also available.

My reservation was at the Hands-on Glass Hot Glass Studio, the brainchild of Rovi Rovner, who founded the studio in 1990 as the first not-for-profit public access glass studio in town.

“We stand on many shoulders, from

the local glassworkers at Corning’s factories who built the heart of Corning Glass to the studio glassmakers from the region and beyond who have all contributed their rich glassmaking experience, knowledge and passion,” she said.

“It has been my privilege to operate and continue to grow Hands-on Glass in a community with such a glassmaking heritage.”

I had already chosen the colors for my ornament and now the moment of truth had come. At the end of a long hollow pole was molten glass that had just come out of the 2300-degree oven. Now under the direction of the glassmaker, I blew slowly and steadily through the mouthpiece and watched as my creation took the shape of a round ornament.

My ornament was whisked away to an oven to undergo a controlled cooling process known as annealing. Because the glass is so hot, it would break if it were allowed to harden at room temperature.

Next up was eight-year-old Zoey from New Jersey who was on her way home with her parents after a visit to Niagara Falls.

She said she had practiced her blowing technique a bit after watching and was ready.

She confidently blew through the mouthpiece and watched in awe as her ornament appeared as if by magic. Even children as young as two can be part of the glassmaking experience here.

Across the street from the Corning Museum of Glass is the state-of-the art glassmaking school called The Studio, currently undergoing an expansion.

The whole family is invited to create various glass objects that make perfect holiday gifts including ornaments, frames, clocks, beads, wind chimes, or a nightlight alongside professional glassmakers.

The Studio also presents an extensive collection of workshops and courses taught by leading glass artists.

Of course, the city’s top attraction is the Corning Museum of Glass with the world’s largest collection of glass spanning more than 3,500 years. It has more than 50,000 pieces of glass art, dating from as early as 1500 B.C. The museum opened in 1951 and expanded over the years. The latest 2015 Contemporary Art + Design Wing continues the museum’s legacy, offering a mesmerizing and truly breathtaking experience.

Unlike a museum filled with paintings, designers did not have to worry about the effect of natural light on glass exhibits. The ceiling is covered in skylights of clear, opaque, and translucent glass. The light changes throughout the day and season and, even before seeing any works of art, a walk into the wing is a spellbinding experience. Some have compared it to a walk into a cloud.

Even the glass protecting the exhibits is revolutionary: it is Gorilla Glass made by Corning Inc., the funding source for the wing. Used here for the first time in a Zoey at Hands-on Glass museum, its pure optics allows visitors to see the art without distortion.

A highlight of the museum visit for everyone is the Hot Glass Show. Watch live, narrated, hot glassblowing demonstrations on a stage. These operate daily year-round. Overhead monitors allow guests to see every step of the glassblowing process including inside the furnace.

There are also daily flameworking and glass breaking demos.

The 500-seat 10,000 square foot Amphitheater Hot Shop is the world’s largest space in which to watch a glassblowing demonstration. You will see master glassmakers take glowing globs of molten glass on the end of a pipe and skillfully shape them into vases, bowls, or sculptures.

The Hot Glass show The Innovation Galleries show how glass has changed the world. Meet the inventors whose ideas made possible many scientific advances. Explore the power of optical fiber. See yourself in the strange reflection of a flight simulator mirror.

“Dig Deeper: Discovering an Ancient Glass Workshop” is a special exhibition on display through Jan. 7, 2024.

In the 1960s, archaeologists from the museum and the University of Missouri excavated a glass workshop in Jalame, near Haifa in modern Israel. On exhibit are chunks of raw glass, parts of a glass making furnace, and fragments of glass vessels. You can even touch ancient glass. About 75 objects are on loan from the Israel Antiquities Authority, many of which have never left Israel before coming to Corning.

The Shops at the Corning Museum of Glass span 18,000 square feet and they are one of the largest museum stores in the country. They feature special finds for every taste and budget in the eight individual boutiques. There is no cost to visit the shops.

The Rockwell Museum, a Smithsonian Affiliate, was founded in 1974, and is housed in the impressive 1893 former City Hall. This is a museum of American art including a large collection of Western art donated by Robert and Hertha Rockwell, a collection that originally graced the walls of their now closed namesake Corning department store.

The museum’s collection particularly appeals to children with many works of art portraying horses, cowboys, bison, and other icons of the Wild West.

There is an array of interactive children’s gallery activities, student exhibitions, Art Hunts, gallery games, and hands-on projects — all designed to encontinued on page 45

December 2023 WNY Family 13

I

hide my kid’s Christmas gifts in the garage. Well, hide is too strong of a word. I stuff my kids’ gifts next to my four-foot-high red tool chest. Next to the chest are bits of plywood that I’ve used in different projects over the years. So, the gifts are hidden in plain sight. Just another piece of life that gets stacked away.

It took the kids years to figure out that this was where I was playing Santa, in my little workshop filled with bikes, sports equipment, and even some fireworks. And year after year, the kids would just walk by it, never noticing Santa was already in town.

That’s because my kids are about as observant as rocks.

When my oldest daughter was young, she came to me because she couldn’t find one of her dolls. It was the creepy kind that spoke really slow because the batteries were running out. It was terrifying. When I went to look for it, the doll was in her bed. She’d been laying on top of it.

My oldest son couldn’t find his shoes when he was 8. He was literally standing on top of one of them. My wife and I thought he was joking.

And my youngest son? He tried to go to the bus stop without his pants on.

Seriously.

Not that I’m much better. I didn’t notice they were growing up too fast.

That’s on me.

Year after year the kids walked past their Christmas lists in the garage. They didn’t notice that one year there were a pair of bikes stuffed right behind the lawnmower. One had tassels on the handlebars and a canvas bag attached to the handlebars.

Another year, my daughter didn’t notice a four-foot-high doll house. I made it myself, with perfect joinery, and decorated it with a hundred bucks of frill from the local hobby store. It was next to the weed eater.

I didn’t notice that my daughter had begun to let her hair grow out. She was in first grade and had decided that having short hair wasn’t cool anymore.

I admit, I was not the best at doing her hair. I even took a class to learn how to do French braids. I know about detangler 14 WNY Family December 2023

The

y d d Da Track

– by Shannon Carpenter

The Gifts We Don’t Notice spray. And my buns? My buns are amazing. But I brushed too hard. I grabbed the brush one morning before school and she took it away from me. All she said was “No.” My son was into dinosaurs. I had gone all out and picked up some choice pieces. Ones that growled, and that were almost as big as he was.

My son just walked right by them. I didn’t notice that my son’s perfect blond toddler hair had begun to turn brown.

My youngest son didn’t notice the aquarium stashed in the corner. If he would have, he would have put it all together that he was going to get a new pet. The turtle he had been asking for, for a year. He cried that morning. I didn’t notice how my heart began to realize that my kids were growing up and these moments were shrinking.

We get lost in the day-to-day of parenting. We focus on the kids growing so we don’t see when they’ve grown.

Lunches, outings, and endless piles of gross bodily fluids consume our days. We pray to make it to tomorrow. We don’t notice little moments until they’ve passed.

Until Christmas has come and gone.

The kids eventually caught on. It was clothing that did it. They got older and began to wonder why a bag from Old Navy was on a shelf. The gig was up. So, I moved places, but not com-

pletely. I always leave a little something for them to find. Something small that they can notice.

And in return, I notice the small details about their lives and the gift they have given me. I’m a part of their scenery. I may be hidden behind small bits

of life that they have collected around them as teenagers. But if you look hard enough, I’m there, noticing how I’m a better man because of them.

Shannon Carpenter is the father of three and has been a stay-at-home dad since 2008. He’s the author of the book “Stay-at-Home Dad: Your Essential Manual for Being an Awesome Full-Time Father.” as well as the co-host of Dadhouse Pod. In addition to his writing on parenting, he is also a humor writer trained through the famous Second City. And we all know that having a sense of humor is essential to surviving parenthood!

December 2023 WNY Family 15

RAISING DIGITAL KIDS — by Mike Daugherty

AI created photo

Generative AI: The Future of Learning?

O

ne term that’s been popping up a lot lately is “generative AI.” But what is it? Generative AI is a hot new tech trend that’s changing the way we work and learn.

With generative AI tools, students can explore new topics, develop their creative thinking skills, and get a better understanding of complex concepts.

In this article, we’ll take a look at how generative AI can be used to boost student learning. We’ll also give you some tips on how to help their kids use these tools effectively and responsibly.

As you read this, I strongly encourage you to TRY THESE TOOLS yourself first. You will be a much more valuable resource to your child if you understand how to use these tools first.

What is Generative AI? Generative AI is a type of artificial intelligence that can create new content, such as art, music, and writing. It does this by learning from vast amounts of data. For example, a generative AI model that has been trained on millions of paintings can learn to create new paintings that are indistinguishable from real ones. Generative AI is still under development, but it has the potential to revolutionize many industries, including entertainment, design, and manufacturing.

It can also be used to create new educational tools and resources for children.

Enough about the what… let’s talk about how AI can help your child.

Step 1: Start by Choosing Your Tool The first step would be to choose which Generative AI tool you prefer to use. There are quite a few options available, but the two most common are 16 WNY Family December 2023

ChatGPT from OpenAI and Bard from Google.

Bard is a research-oriented AI with access to the latest information, while ChatGPT is a writing-focused AI with a focus on human-like speech.

ChatGPT is better for tasks that require creativity and fluency while Bard is better for tasks that require accuracy and up-to-date information. ChatGPT does not have internet access so it is limited to information as of Sept of 2021.

I recommend using both Bard and ChatGPT for different tasks. When I start a new project, I often run my initial query through both models and evaluate the responses before deciding which one to use.

Step 2: Ask the AI to Do Something

Generative AI requires the person using it to provide instructions on what it should do. These instructions are commonly referred to as “prompts.”

The more detailed and informative the prompt is, the better the results will be.

You’ll see that I use specific examples below. Harvard has a phenomenal guide for AI prompts at https://bit.ly/HARVARDAI. Here are some example situations and prompts you and your child can use with Generative AI. 1) Change the reading level of a passage. If your student is reading something that they are struggling to understand, try copying the text into an AI tool and use this prompt: • Please change the reading level of this material to a 6th grade reading level.

2) Create customized study material. Study guides are great, but after reviewing them repeatedly, kids begin

to memorize the answers instead of calling on their knowledge. AI can build a brand new review quiz or study guide on the spot in seconds. Try prompts like this: • Please create a 10-question multiple choice quiz with an answer key at the end using the following vocabulary words: vocab words go here.

• Please create a set of 15 practice questions on adverbs with no bolded words for a third grade student with an answer key at the end.

3) Step by step walkthroughs for complex math problems. As my kids have gotten older, it has been more difficult for us to help them with their math homework. I simply don’t remember some of the algebraic aspects of my time in school. Let AI come to the rescue. Try prompts like this: • Please provide a step by step walkthrough on how to solve the following math problem: insert math problem.

• Please explain how to solve quadratic equations using words an eighth grader could understand.

4) Proofreading and suggestions.

Generative AI can be used to read student created work and provide feedback. Bard, in my opinion, is better for proofreading because it explains exactly what changes were made. Some sample prompts are: • Please proofread the text written by a 5th grader.

• Please provide suggestions on how to improve the writing while not changing the writer’s voice.

5) Conduct research. Generative AI can be used to conduct research by generating hypotheses, designing experiments, and analyzing data. This can help students to learn more about the research process and develop their critical thinking skills.

• Please review the attached data and locate any trends you see.

• Please design an experiment to test gravitational pull using only common household objects.

The more you use this technology, you begin to see how truly powerful it can be. It’s designing custom study material, papers, quizzes, and research projects, individualized to your child, for free. Individualizing assignments and classwork based on each student’s needs has been the talk of K-12 education for years. continued on page 47

EXPLORING EDUCATION

WNY FAMILY MAGAZINE • DECEMBER 2023 • PULL-OUT & SAVE December 2023 WNY Family 17

I

Getting Kids to Flex their — by Cherie Gough Brain Power through Growth Mindset

s intelligence something you’re born with or something that develops? Is failure an opportunity to learn and grow, or something that impedes success? How a parent answers these questions impacts children greatly. Their responses have everything to do with how kids see themselves — how they perceive the ability to improve and learn from mistakes.

Over the past decade, educators and psychologists have been researching the effects of words and actions on a child’s problem-solving skills and resilience.

The ideology (called “growth mindset”) is very popular with educators. Here’s what you need to know.

What is Growth Mindset?

Carol Dweck, Stanford University psychologist and author of Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, found during her study of children that the most successful kids were those who were open to new approaches to problems and willing to continue learning in the face of failure. She labeled this resilience and willingness to overcome obstacles “Growth Mindset.”

Growth Mindset vs.

Fixed Mindset A fixed mindset is based on the belief that one’s abilities and talents are inherent or natural. Like many of my generation, I grew up with a fixed mindset.

18 WNY Family December 2023

“I’m not a math person” runs through my head each time I try to calculate the tip at a restaurant. Why is this a problem? Those who adopt a fixed mindset are more likely to fear failure, give up, and create labels for themselves.

they get it right. The power of “yet” creates persistence in children.

“You can be extremely successful and smart, and there is always room for growth,” states 5th grade teacher Amy Jackson. “It makes learning fun because it is like a quest — you never have to reach an ending.” It also reduces anxiety in kids because they no longer fear having the wrong answer.

The idea behind growth mindset is that with practice, the right strategies, and a willingness to learn from mistakes, people can grow to become more intelligent. By adopting a growth “The first year I tried this, I worked mindset, kids see with a group of stumistakes more as a dents from low sochallenge and don’t cio-economic [backmind failure because grounds] who faced they realize it’s a issues that got in the path to improvement way of learning,” when they persevere. says Jackson. “They When parents focus started to feel like more on a child’s they had some control hard work, instead of over learning. There how smart she is, it was a willingness to fosters growth. Fail“...when you make a try. The mood beure doesn’t disprove came lighter and kids mistake, the neurons that a child is smart, started using words athletic, or artistic. It in your brain fire, like ‘conquer,’ ‘fight,’ simply indicates she which creates another ‘struggle,’ and ‘vicneeds to try a differtorious.’ It was really pathway in your brain.” ent approach. neat to see.”

The Power of Yet

Dweck’s research began when she observed a Chicago school district that gave the grade “not yet” instead of a failing grade. Teachers are using the concept to transform a student’s feeling of “I’ll never get this… it’s too hard” to “I don’t understand this yet.” It encourages students to try new strategies until

Big Kids School Counselor Melony Schroh advocates for teachers and administrators to work together to develop a school-wide mission of growth mindset.

The concept is especially important for middle school students. Toddlers often start off unstoppable and headstrong

in their determination, but by the time they reach middle school, many struggle with academic and social demands and adopt lower standards for themselves.

Dweck’s studies show that junior high students with a fixed mindset are more likely to cheat than feel dumb by making mistakes or failing. Many middle schools provide opportunities for kids to discuss mistakes and develop strategies for handling failure.

How Parents Can Encourage Growth Mindset Dweck advises parents to praise kids in effective ways. Instead of telling a child “You’re so smart,” be more specific. Praising effort and hard work makes kids work harder and want to grow. Praising intelligence just makes kids want to get the right answer. Dweck emphasizes the importance of praising a child’s process, effort, perseverance, and improvement to help grow confidence and resilience. Be sincere; praise growth and good habits.

Jackson tells her students, “You can always improve if you work hard. You may not be the best, but you will be your best if you work hard and keep at it.”

What Teachers Say “When we go over the students’ work, I’m not focused on the right or wrong answer. We look at the process that led to the answer and if the answer is wrong, where the understanding broke down. Students become very good at finding their own mistakes and knowing the difference between a careless error and a breakdown in understanding. When you don’t make mistakes, no learning is happening. I believe it is mistakes — and the analysis of those mistakes — that lead to success.” — Amy Jackson, fifth grade teacher.

“I use [youcubed math curriculum’s] Week of Inspirational Math lesson on making mistakes and the brain science that goes with it. Research shows that when you make a mistake, the neurons in your brain fire, which creates another pathway in your brain.

When you work on fixing mistakes, yet another pathway, you physically grow your brain. All year we celebrate our mistakes and cheer that we’ve just grown our brains!” — Tami Bromley, kindergarten teacher.

Cherie Gough is a former teacher and freelance writer who loves to write about innovative people bringing positive change to their community.

RESOURCES To learn more about supporting a growth mindset at home and school: mindsetworks.com/parents Big Life Journal incorporates articles for all ages: biglifejournal.com/blogs/blog Have little ones? Check out Sesame Street’s “Power of Yet” music video: youtube.com/watch?v=XLeUvZvuvAs

December 2023 WNY Family 19

7

Types of Primary

Education — by Kimberly Blaker

O

ne of the most significant decisions parents make for their kids is where to send them to school. A child’s educational path influences them in so many ways.

Not only is it the starting point of their learning career. It’s also where they spend most of their time, engage in multiple relationships, and have formative experiences.

– Which One is Best for Your Child?

Public School Public schools are the neighborhood school to which kids are automatically assigned based on where they live.

These schools are funded by the government at local, state, and national levels and are held to specified standards.

PROs: Because public schools are Public School tied to the governThere are many types ment, there is a certain of schools to consider. Each amount of oversight offers different experiences and standards to which and resources for students. they must adhere. All To choose the best school teachers must be certified, follow a set experience for your child, consider your of standards that students are expected child’s personality and individual needs to meet, and use an approved curricuas well as what’s best for your family as lum. Public schools are free and availa whole. Keep in mind that what works able to all students. They typically offer for one child doesn’t necessarily work the broadest range of extracurricular acfor another. Your options may also be tivities, from sports to music and more limited based on what’s available theater, and much more. where you live.

When choosing a school, check out your options beforehand and have a clear idea of what factors are most important to you and your child. Look for online reviews while bearing in mind that online reviews can be manipulated, such as by offering incentives for reviews. Explore the school website or social media pages to see what they offer, and ask to take a tour or observe a class. Also, speak to parents, students, and teachers about the school you’re considering.

The following are the main types of schools you might consider. Each has various benefits and drawbacks.

20 WNY Family December 2023

are not necessarily available to everyone. They are an alternative option to regular public schools and require enrollment to attend. Charter schools often do not have spaces open for all who’d like to attend, so they generally have an application and lottery process to decide who gets in. This type of school is usually founded around a specific mission or charter, which guides the type of educational experience offered.

PROs: These are often a good alternative for students struggling in a traditional school setting. Charter schools have a little more freedom from state regulations on how students are taught, as long as students consistently perform well. Charter schools often have smaller class sizes and different methods of teaching. They are particularly suited to gifted students or those with various learning styles or attention difficulties.

CONs: If a charter school is not perCONs: The fundCharter School forming well, it risks ing, and therefore, being shut down.

So, the quality of public there can be more schools, can vary pressure on student significantly from achievement. Each one community to charter school also the next. If the pubhas different teaching methods, which lic school in your neighborhood has a may or may not be a good fit for your low rating, it isn’t always easy, or poschild. sible, to transfer to another. Some public schools are overcrowded and overwhelmed by increasing class sizes and smaller budgets.

Magnet schools are a type of public school which has a specific focus, such as the arts, music, science, or technology.

Unlike a charter school, they do still Charter schools are a form of public fall under the same government regulaschool and are free to attend. Still, they

Magnet School

Charter School

Private School Magnet

School

tions as traditional public schools.

PROs: If your child has a particular interest or strength, a magnet school focused on that strength can help them develop related skills. These schools get additional funding to help support their programs and generally have smaller class sizes.

CONs: Admission to magnet schools is limited and is therefore competitive. Some schools use a lottery.

Others have an application and even testing or examination processes to determine who qualifies. Magnet schools are not as plentiful, and may not be available in your community.

Special Education School If your child has special educational needs, there are schools available for students with hearing or vision impairments, autism, and specific intellectual or learning disabilities.

PROs: Curriculum and instruction are adapted to best meet the needs of the students attending the school, and teachers are specially trained to work well with the population served.

These schools have a sense Special Education School

of community, and students can relate to one another.

CONs: Students only interact with others who have similar disabilities instead of being exposed to mainstream education with their peers. These schools also may not be available in all areas.

Private schools are not funded by the government, and therefore students must pay tuition to attend. They also are not held to the same regulations as public schools. Often, private schools have a specific focus or educational philosophy, such as Montessori or Waldorf schools.

There are both public and private virtual schools in which students can enroll. These schools offer a variety of educational opportunities, including full-time study or supplemental classes to add to traditional schooling. Classes and schoolwork can be done anywhere there’s internet access, and students still have one or more teachers with lessons that follow a curriculum and defined standards.

PROs: Since parents pay the tuition, they often get more input on their child’s education. Families can find a school Private School that is more aligned with their wants or beliefs. Also, class sizes are usually smaller.

CONs: Private schools are often expensive. They also do not have the same level of oversight as public schools. So, it is up to parents to make sure the school is providing their child with an appropriate education.

PROs: Virtual schools are a good option for students who cannot attend a traditional school, whether they are housebound, do not live in one place, or for other reasons.

Learning in virtual schools is more individualized, so students have more flexibility and can learn at their own pace.

It can also provide more educational opportunities or access to specialized classes.

Religious School

CONs: Virtual schools require a lot of self-discipline, and stuReligious schools are another type d e n t s and families are more reof private school associated with a parsponsible for keepticular religion or organization. A ing up with their parochial school is a type of education. Virreligious school that is Religious School tual schools also connected directly to a do not have the local church. same in-person social opportuniPROs: If your family is closely aligned with ties for commua particular religion, nity or frienda religious school can ships. This can involve that aspect of your life in your cause students to feel isolated. child’s education. These schools usually Ultimately, the right school choice have a strong community and smaller is different for each family. So, it’s esclass sizes. sential to explore the available options CONs: Religious schools are prito find the best fit. If a school situation vate, so tuition costs can be high. They isn’t working for your child or family, are also not held to government educaconsider transferring or try something tional standards. Many religious schools different. omit certain teachings in science and history that don’t fit their beliefs. So, it Kimberly Blaker is a mother of two is vital to make sure that your child is and grandmother. She is also a pubreceiving a full education. lished author, award-winning research writer, professional freelance writer, and former columnist. Her articles, editorials, and content have appeared in more than 300 magazines, newspapers, Technology has led to the availand websites. ability of virtual or online schools.

Virtual Schools

December 2023 WNY Family 21

Prepare Your Kids for Careers in an

-Driven

Future World — by Kimberly Blaker

M

any parents today never experienced a world where computers weren’t a standard household fixture, let alone a world without the Internet. When the World Wide Web first became available to the public in 1991, it was archaic compared to today. Yet at the time, it was quite the phenomenon. The rapid speed of technological progress over the past couple of decades will resemble the crawl of a tortoise in another decade or two as technology continues to advance at an exponential rate.

In fact, according to Ray Kurzweil, a world-renowned inventor, thinker, and futurist, “We won’t experience 100 years of progress in the 21st century — it will be more like 20,000 years of progress [at today’s rate].” If you have any doubt, Kurzweil has a remarkable thirty-year track record of making accurate predictions.

This means the rapid change in recent years is nothing compared to what’s to come. The world in which tomorrow’s young adults will enter will be startlingly different from the one in which we live today. That’s because our world is increasingly dependent on robotics, technology, and now artificial intelligence (AI).

But what is AI? It’s machines or programs with the capabilities of human intelligence. AI capabilities include learning, presenting knowledge, reasoning, problem-solving, planning, perception, manipulation, and motion. Right now, AI is in its infancy, and much of what’s purported to be AI is actually pseudo-AI. Whether imitation or the real thing, there are several current AI technologies — chatbots, Tesla, Siri and Alexa, Facebook feed, and Pandora, to 22 WNY Family December 2023

name a few — and AI is on the brink of changing the world as we know it.

But with all good things come drawbacks. Within the next 20 years, AI will result in a loss of anywhere between 9 and 47 percent of jobs, according to various studies by Oxford University and other institutions. So, kids must be fully prepared for our vastly changing world and careers of the future.

HOW TO PREPARE KIDS FOR THE

FUTURE

JOB MARKET Bolster interest and enthusiasm in STEM. Science, technology, engineering, and math (STEM) skills are one of the gateways to job opportunities in a world dependent on AI. But to many kids, “science” and “math” spell boring with a capital “B.” This is in large part because kids can’t always see how these disciplines apply to life. Unless your child already expresses genuine interest in one or more of these disciplines, discussing STEM may be met with resistance.

The trick is to provide kids with everyday experiences that put the fun in learning or provide kids experiences that are a natural part of life. Once you’ve gained their interest, then explain its relationship to STEM. That way, your child has a positive perspec-

tive on the discipline and recognizes its purpose and value.

Stimulate spatial awareness. This is an integral part of STEM learning and provides kids the ability to visualize their end product, says David Lubinski, a psychology professor at Vanderbilt University. He is the lead author of a study published in Psychological Science journal (July 15, 2013). Researchers found spatial ability is a predictor of the development of knowledge and innovation in STEM fields.

Encourage free play and out-ofthe-box thinking. Play fosters imagination, creativity, and resilience to deal with challenges. These traits will be necessary to succeed in an ever-advancing world of AI. When kids play freely, they experiment, explore, and dismantle (things, scenarios, and concepts) to understand how the world works. Play is one of the best ways for kids to learn and develop skills.

Develop kids’ ability to deal with the real world. Dave and Helen Edwards, co-founders of Intelligenstia. ai, an AI research firm, point out there will still be careers in the future that are dependent on human capabilities. In “The skills your kids should cultivate to be competitive in the age of automation,” the Edwards explain humans will still be needed for jobs that require: interpersonal skills, applying math to business problems, management of our physical world (environmental science and engineering), as well as health care jobs. People will remain ahead of robots in these areas for some time.

Foster social skills and teamwork. These will be valuable assets in the future workforce. Collaboration requires a combination of skills and traits: emotional intelligence, humility, communication, listening, conflict resolution, goal setting, prioritizing, decision making, and framing problems.

Emotional intelligence is particularly crucial to the development of ex-

cellent social skills and teamwork. Both interpersonal and intrapersonal skills are the framework for emotional intelligence. Interpersonal skills include social awareness and relationship management, while intrapersonal skills include self-awareness and self-regulation.

Cultivate entrepreneurial characteristics and skills. Even though automation and technology will reduce the need for laborers, people will always be needed to develop and manage companies. Add to this, the growing trend toward companies outsourcing and hiring independent professionals for a broad range of needs is likely to continue and become more common. Some essential entrepreneurial skills kids should develop are financial literacy, goal setting, problem-solving, creativity, and good work habits.

Promote tech skills. Greg Satell says the tech skills of tomorrow will be vastly different from today, in his article, “These Are the Skills That Your Kids Will Need for the Future (Hint: It’s Not Coding).” By the time kids grow up, computer programming will no longer be based on current coding languages. It’ll be based “more on quantum laws and the human brain,” he explains.

But because the future of computer programming is unknown, there’s no way to teach it to kids. So, Satell recommends kids learn more about quantum dynamics, the logic of code, and genetics, on which future systems will be based.

Still, learning to code has its benefits. It’s true that learning a coding language of today will unlikely be of any use in the future. But learning how to learn a code can make learning future codes easier. Coding also helps kids develop problem-solving skills. Finally, it’s an excellent way for kids to discover a career path and boost their self-confidence in a STEM discipline.

Kimberly Blaker is a mother of two and grandmother. She is also a published author, award-winning research writer, professional freelance writer, and former columnist. Her articles, editorials, and content have appeared in more than 300 magazines, newspapers, and websites.

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— by Janeen Lewis

Building Up STEAM: 35 Easy

S

TEAM (Science, Technology Engineering, Arts, and Math) has grown in popularity in recent years as a way to educate children for the 21st Century. STEAM programs have been adopted in many schools, and the future will include STEAM-related jobs. Foster a love of STEAM at home with these fun and easy ideas.

SCIENCE

Children are naturally inquisitive, and curiosity is the backbone of science discovery. Here are some easy ways to inspire kids to dive into science.

• Give children a scientific start.

Use scientific words and make exploring a part of everyday life.

• Welcome questions like “Why is the sky blue? Questioning is the first step of the Scientific Method.

• Encourage household problem-solving. Bread dough that doesn’t rise, an inside door that sticks in winter, or an insect infestation in the garden are gateways to hypotheses, experiments, and answers.

• Create a kitchen science lab with common ingredients. Make homemade ice cream in a Ziploc bag, make butter out of heavy cream in a mason jar, or grow geodes in eggshells.

24 WNY Family December 2023

y Ideas to tr

• Have a blast — literally! Many safe experiments involve things that erupt. Make a paper maché baking soda and vinegar volcano. Go outside and drop a pack of Mentos in a 2-liter soda bottle or launch a bottle rocket. Discuss the science behind the blast.

e m o H t a

• Introduce Raspberry Pi. Kids can use this card-sized single board computer for basic programming (raspberrypi.com).

• Grow a garden. Start seedlings from kitchen vegetable seeds or trimmings.

• Relate science to hobbies. Learn the physics behind the fastball or discuss how a gymnast balances on a beam.

TECHNOLOGY

Most parents set screen time boundaries. But kids love devices, and future jobs will require skills in technology.

Embrace screen benefits that build technology skills.

• Make the computer your friend. Teach your child how to do research, make brochures for school projects, and use spreadsheets for chores and allowance.

When you take a family trip, let your child research places to visit.

• Start coding early. Check out code.org for fun ways kids can code online or without technology. Other coding sites to try are Codeacademy, Kodable, Lightbot, Scratch and Tynker.

• Let them make a stop-motion video. Apps to try: LEGO Movie Maker, Stop Motion Studio, Lapse It, iStopMotion and Clayframes.

• Use digital tools to help with schoolwork. Try Dictionary.com and Thesaurus.com and khanacademy. com. Explore study aid apps such as Tinycards and use apps myHomework and My GradeBook.

ENGINEERING

Does your child love LEGO blocks or Minecraft? Does she want to take apart the toaster or fix the cell phone when it breaks? Here are some ways to encourage a budding engineer.

• Teach kids the Engineering Design Process (Check out a kid-friendly version at teachengineering.com) • Let them join a Lego Robotics Club.

• Keep building supplies on hand.

Try LEGOs, Brain Flakes, magnetic tiles, wooden blocks, K’nex, Lincoln Logs, Tinker Toys, and Duplo bricks.

Also keep recyclables like cardboard, paper towel tubes and cereal boxes.

There are even edible options like cheese, grapes, and marshmallows. Pair one of these with toothpicks or pretzels for building.

Watch them take their creativity for a ride.

• Encourage children to complete tower building challenges. One fun and easy way to do this is with notecards or old playing cards and no other materials. Kids can only fold the cards, no ripping or cutting.

• Inspire creativity. Immerse your home in different types of art. Listen to music, collect art or art books or check them out from the library.

• Create Catapults. Some materials to try: Popsicle sticks, spoons, drink lids, rubber bands and pom poms.

• Build a Rube Goldberg machine out of household materials. This machine is intentionally designed to perform a simple task through a series of complex chain reactions. To learn more, visit rubegoldberg.com.

• Join a radio control club. Planes, helicopters, and boats often inspire children. Building their own involves creativity and problem-solving skills.

• Build a miniature roller coaster.

Give your child materials like pipe insulation, marbles, cups, and duct tape.

ARTS

Children can be artists by painting, drawing, sculpting, singing, playing an instrument, dancing or writing. Take note of inclinations in these areas and foster a love of the arts.

• Be positive. Even if you don’t think you’re good at art, try some art mediums along with your child. He or she will be more willing to try, too.

• Stock up on art supplies. Water colors, finger paints, crayons, colored pencils, pastels, construction paper, sketch books and origami paper are some examples.

• Experiment with evaporation art. Mix salt with water and paint. Have your child predict what will happen to the salt and water.

• Borrow a how-to-draw book from the library. Step by step directions will give your child more confidence.

• Sculpt with air-dry clay. Your child doesn’t need a pottery wheel to create with clay. After the clay dries, it can be painted.

• Listen to a variety of music genres. This will open your child’s mind to different artists and styles of music.

• Sign your child up for a creative writing class.

• Read poetry books.

MATH

There are many ways to make math relevant and interesting. Research shows that most children can succeed at math.

• Teach number sense. Mentally work through problem-solving logic with your child. Bedtime Math: A Fun Excuse to Stay Up Late by Laura Overdeck is a good book for promoting math discussions.

• Check out Texas Instruments’ “STEM Behind Cool Careers” education.ti.com/en/activities/stem/gen-stem) for videos connecting algebra, geometry, and physics to jobs like fashion design, flying jets, and more.

• Cook or bake together. Measuring, equivalent fractions, and conversions are all part of recipe building.

• Try grocery store math. Have kids weigh enough produce without going over a dollar amount, compare prices for the best buys, and stay within a weekly budget.

• Measure the miles. When going on family outings, find the distance with your child. Calculate the miles and time it will take to get there and how much gas will cost.

• Assign chores and give an allowance. They’ll be asking for ice cream and movie money anyway, so why not teach practical budgeting skills in the process?

Janeen Lewis is a writer, teacher, and mom to Andrew and Gracie. She has been published in several parenting publications across the country.

STEAM Supplies

Keep these materials on hand for experiments and STEAM projects.

• • • •

Cardboard Paper towel and toilet paper tubes Straws Aluminum foil

• • •

Empty water bottles Plastic lids Beakers or jars with lids

• • • • •

Funnels Tongs Epsom salt Rock salt Alum

• • • • •

Baking soda Vinegar Food coloring Marbles Potting soil

December 2023 WNY Family 25

— by Sandra Gordon

Success Strategies for Struggling Students

S

chool is your child’s work, but like most jobs, there are good days and bad, great bosses (teachers) and not so great ones, and classes that are easier than others. For some of even the brightest kids, however, like my youngest daughter, every test can seem difficult, every teacher hard, and every assignment a major hurdle. Tutors can help, of course, but they’re expensive and can’t do everything without cheating your child out of the “I can do it” sense of self-efficacy that can serve her well throughout life.

EDUCATIONAL INSIGHT

How can you help your aspiring scholar reach her potential? We asked educators and learning experts for their top tips.

Here are five of their best answers.

SEEK OUT TESTING EARLY

If your student gets extra help at school but isn’t making progress academically, seek out an evaluation at school and/ or at a private neuropsychology assessment center. Studies suggest that 15 to 20 percent of the population has a learning disorder of some type, such as dyslexia, a specific reading or language comprehension issue, or a math disorder.

“Learning disorders occur throughout the range of intelligence. Even very highly functioning students can have them,” says Mark Mahone PhD, ABPP, a pediatric neuropsychologist at the Kennedy Krieger Institute at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore.

The Park School of Buffalo Find yourself in WNY’s Largest Classroom.

Founded in 1912, The Park School of Buffalo is WNY’s first and only co-ed, PreK through Grade 12 and Montessori school.

Park students are academically and socially prepared problem solvers equipped with confidence, critical thinking skills, and a desire to make the world a better place.

Tucked away on a serene, 34-acre campus, Park boasts 14 buildings, three playing fields, a waterfall, pond and marsh area, and nature trails.

This unique campus allows students to engage in experiential learning as it is intended. Designed so that classrooms and the outdoors integrate seamlessly, inspiration is limitless as curriculum knows no boundaries and isn’t confined to four walls.

26 WNY Family December 2023

In just one day, our lively campus offers a busy, exciting schedule from PreK all the way through Upper School.

Montessori friends enter the Field Station holding hands with their puddle boots on, ready for a science lesson about fall ecology. Annabella in Grade 3, journal in hand, explains to visitors that she is starting a narrative about scary breathing dragons who are in search of their missing fire breath. Grade 4 students are fully engaged with our Artist in Residence, Mark DiVincenzo, working on paintbrush techniques and “plein air painting.” Passing the 3D lab, Grade 7 students are seen discussing their printing plans in teams. Seniors are busy in their Forensics elective comparing fingerprints for DNA analysis.

“At Park, students get the best of both worlds,” says Mr. Charles Hartney, Head of Upper School. “They establish deep academic foundations through our core requirements and can explore burgeoning interests and passions through our elective offerings and cocurricular programming. Our graduates leave with the skills essential to success beyond Park, including a profound sense of who they are and how they can share their talents with the wider community.”

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get identified until the second or third grade. By then, that child has two, three or four years of failure before getting the appropriate intervention,” Dr. Mahone says.

Intervention, which may include medication and behavioral treatment, can help the brain reorganize more efficiently so that academic skills build naturally over time, making school easier and less stressful.

A learning disorder is when a child or anyone who has had adequate opportunity for instruction and has the adequate intelligence to be able to learn specific skills, isn’t learning those skills in a way that’s appropriate for his or her age. Learning disabilities are biological conditions that lead to a set of behaviors that can be challenging. They tend to run in families. “Kids can’t help it,” Dr. Mahone says.

MEET THE HEAD OF SCHOOL

If your child has a learning disorder, it’s important to diagnose it early, if possible, to prevent harmful repercussions.

Continually tanking on tests and quizzes or not understanding the material can affect your child’s self-esteem and brain development. “The average child with a reading disability doesn’t

It’s important to note that learning disabilities don’t typically occur in isolation.

For example, 35 to 40 percent of students with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) also have dyslexia and vice versa.

Learning disabilities should be treated concurrently. “Whenever you find one learning disability, you should look for others,” Dr. Mahone says. “For the best outcome, everything should be treated concurrently.”

TEACH KIDS TO MAKE OATMEAL

“Learning is like driving a car. You have to keep filling the gas tank,” says Sharon Rose Sugar, an academic interventionist and author of Smart Grades: Every Day an Easy A. “It takes tremendous energy to learn, but many kids are running on empty.” Cold cereal for breakfast doesn’t cut it. “What can make a big difference in the morning is just a bowl of oatmeal,” Sugar says, topped with nutritious add-ons like walnuts, blueberries, cinnamon, honey, or maple syrup. continued on page 28

The Park School of Buffalo Meet the Head of School: Lisa Conrad

Lisa Conrad is The Park School of Buffalo’s 20th Head of School and only the third woman to hold this position in the school’s 111 year history.

She came to Park in 2012 to teach Middle and Upper School Spanish and took on the role of Interim Head of School at Park in 2020 during the height of the Covid-19 pandemic.

In recognition of Park’s success during this period and her leadership, Mrs. Conrad was named permanent Head of School by the Park Board

of Trustees in July 2021, as well as named a recipient of Business First’s 40 Under 40 award and received the Utopian Euphoria’s 2021 Women Who Walk in the Footsteps of Greatness award.

Lisa truly believes that Park exemplifies the best environment on earth for learning. “Criticalthinking and experiential learning - especially tied to the outdoors - allows Park students to learn in their own ways and by collaborating with their peers on projects that tie them directly to this beautiful campus we all share. And because we do this work together as often as possible, students quickly learn, understand, and value the benefits of working in partnership with others. This all leads to learning that is challeng-

ing, engaging, long-lasting, and fun.”

Mrs. Conrad holds a Master’s Degree in Spanish Adolescence Education and a Bachelor of Arts in Spanish, both from the University at Buffalo. She is a New York State Certified Teacher and an active member of the New York State Association of Independent Schools (NYSAIS).

4625 Harlem Rd. Amherst, NY 14226

716-839-1242

www.theparkschool.org

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December 2023 WNY Family 27

STRUGGLING STUDENTS continued...

Kids should fuel homework sessions with wholesome study snacks too, such as an apple or rice cake with peanut butter or carrots and hummus and water. The brain is a power tool.

To boost performance, “after every homework assignment, kids should eat something healthy,” Sugar says.

TAKE A BRAIN BREAK

If your child is typically anxious about homework, teach her to review her homework assignments when she gets home from school, including the questions she needs to answer, then to take a break before diving in. “Kids aren’t under any pressure to answer those questions right away. But their brain starts working. When they come back to their homework, it’s a lot easier for them to start their work because they’ve previewed it,” says Katherine Firestone, founder of “The Happy Student” podcast.

TURN READING INTO A WORKOUT

EDUCATIONAL INSIGHT

Kids have so many facts coming at them in every class and homework assignment. To help them retain key ideas they’ll later need for the test, they need to be active readers. Before reading a chapter in their textbook, students should read the chapter title, all of the headings and subheadings, and the questions at the end. “Reviewing chapters first helps kids understand the key ideas,” says Firestone. Then, while they’re reading, they should underline the main idea and jot down notes to review for the test. These techniques can make all the difference, as Firestone knows firsthand. (She was diagnosed with

ADHD in high school.) Active reading takes more time and effort, but it helps the facts sink in. “It resulted in a huge transformation for me,” Firestone says.

TALK YOURSELF INTO BETTER GRADES

“When you get As or Bs, school is more enjoyable, but some kids, especially those with learning disorders, have emotional roadblocks to getting good grades,” says Paul J. Hughes, a college professor and author of Change Your Grades. Change Your Life. Early on, kids can form negative self-perceptions, such as “I’m bad at taking tests,” which gets hardwired into their subconscious, programming them for failure. “Our thoughts affect outcomes,” Hughes says.

To help his struggling students talk themselves into doing well on tests, Hughes teaches them to write and recite specific “afformations,” questions that address their specific academic concern, but stated as a positive, such as: “Why am I so comfortable and confident taking an exam?” and “Why do I always perform up to my expectations on an exam?”

“The why at the beginning is what the brain picks up and runs with, reprogramming the subconscious to believe what you’re telling it,” Hughes says. He advises his students to read their afformations every day. “I say to my students, ‘I know afformations are weird but they can change everything.’ The more you read them to yourself, the sooner they kick in.”

Sandra Gordon is an award-winning freelance writer who delivers expert advice and the latest developments in health, nutrition, parenting and consumer issues.

Aurora Waldorf School Where children want to go to school!

Aurora Waldorf School (AWS) is a welcoming learning community for students in Pre-K through 8th grade with a focus on relationship-based education. Situated on a 13-acre campus bordering a creek and an old-growth forest, we extend lessons into the outdoors, translating joy-filled learning into wonder and appreciation for the natural world.

At AWS, we believe: ■ Childhood is to be honored and preserved ■ Learning is not to be rushed ■ School can be a joyful place ■ Every child deserves to be outside every day ■ The arts are essential to our humanity ■ Education is more than just the exchange of facts and information The classroom experience includes daily movement, music, outdoor play, and artistic subjects interwo-

28 WNY Family December 2023

ven with traditional academics. Handson lessons pique curiosity and enliven the learning experience, empowering students to immerse themselves in the subjects before them.

Based on the principles of Waldorf Education first developed in the early 20th century, the developmentally appropriate curriculum is consciously adapted for today’s students, guided by a caring, dedicated community of teachers. Graduates of Aurora Waldorf School go on to lead their high school and college classes, build dynamic careers that improve the world, and

travel the globe in a quest for experiential learning that never ends.

Drawing from a variety of WNY communities, the school promotes ethnic, cultural, and economic diversity.

Schedule a tour and discover how your child could benefit from the gifts of a Waldorf education. Contact us at (716) 655-2029 or email admissions@auroraws.org.

525 West Falls Rd. West Falls, NY 14170

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ROOTS OF THE FUTURE MONTESSORI 8970 Main Street Clarence, NY 14031 716-545-8048 www.rootsofthefuture.com Providing a quality Montessori education that understands and nurtures children’s natural curiosity. Our certified Nature Explore Classroom is an ideal environment designed to inspire children to connect with the wonders of nature while encouraging their interests. Ages 2.9 - 6. Call for a tour today.

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Call 716-629-3400 | Visit TheSummitCenter.org December 2023 WNY Family 37 31

10 Ways to Prepare

Your Child (and YOU) for High School

— by Rebecca Hastings

as she’s embarking on more independence?

Even in elementary school, we thought about how our time would look as a family. We decided our kids could do one activity at a time. When my oldest was in second grade she wanted to try dance. She knew that meant she had to stop gymnastics to try it. This helped her understand the value of time, and it helped us keep our family priorities in check.

We don’t need to plan their courses for high school the day they enter kindergarten, but our decisions can help set the whole family up for success as they grow.

These things are not meant to scare you, but to remind all of us that they will grow and we can prepare for that.

I

walked into the huge doors of the high school, overwhelmed by emotion. It was all mixed up — joy, excitement, fear, pride, worry, disbelief. My daughter was oblivious to it all. As she walked beside me, she had her own feelings, but she hid hers beneath a cool smile, chatting with her best friends.

We were walking into her high school orientation. This was her first glimpse at the next four years of her life.

It was my first glimpse of how fast time had truly gone.

There are big transitions we face with our kids when they’re little. First steps, potty training, the first day of kindergarten. So many milestones in such a short time. As they get older the milestones are harder to see.

There’s driving and first dates and graduation. All of them monumental in their own right. If we rush or blink too much, we might miss some of the other things: middle school, first dance, first A, first F. They’re all part of a lifetime of steps on the way to adulthood.

My oldest starts high school this fall. And this feels like a big deal. Even in middle school I was able to reason through how she’s still a kid and life 32 WNY Family December 2023

might be going fast but we’re in the middle.

High school feels so much bigger, older, more like getting ready for goodbye. This shift feels complex for both of us. We are doing our best to feel ready.

But not by looking at grades and course selection.

Here are 10 things that will help you both prepare for the transition to high school.

Start getting ready now.

If you have a toddler, you don’t need to start buying her a high school backpack or prom dress, but you do need to start thinking about the trajectory of your child’s life. So often we are busy trying to survive the day or get through the stage they’re in, but knowing they will get through it and move on is helpful. Still, we need to think for a moment about high school.

What are you hoping your son or daughter will know before she goes?

What do you want her time to look like? How many activities will he do?

How will you preserve family time

Think about your school experiences.

Picture it all. Did you have a locker? Did you fall in love? What class was insanely hard? Walk down memory lane. Seriously. Now file it in the back corner of your brain.

Your teen doesn’t want to hear story after story of your experience. Even your elementary school children will tell you to keep your stories to yourself.

He’s living his own life. Your experience will never be his experience. He’s breaking free and you, his parent, could never understand what he’s facing.

At least that’s what he thinks.

You don’t need to completely discard your experience. But only share pieces when it seems right and wanted.

One or two short stories from your experience will go a lot farther than talking about your experience so much your child tunes you out.

Find someone they can relate to.

Maybe it’s a cousin or an older sibling. Maybe a family friend that’s a few years older than they are. Find people you trust to speak wisdom into your child’s life.

Ideally, they are no more than 10 years older than your child. This is the perfect window for your child to look up to them and still listen to them. Beyond that, they’re just old (at least to a fourteen-year-old.)

My daughter has an aunt in her early twenties. Her aunt and I could say the same thing to her, but it would mean more coming from her aunt because she relates to her differently.

Start building that relationship now, while they are young. Start bringing people into their lives for them to look up to. Paving those paths of communication now will pay off when those hard-to-discuss issues come into their lives.

You’ll both be grateful to have these trusted voices in his life as he walks through these years.

Give them responsibility.

This is the perfect time for kids to try new things and become responsible.

High school years are the final practice for adulthood.

Learning responsibility begins right now — at whatever age they are at. According to Jessica Lahey in her book, The Gift of Failure, “children are starved for responsibility.”

Right now, your 3-year-old can help to bring the silverware to the table and lay the napkins on the table. Your 6-year-old can be taught how to wash towels. Your 12-year-old can learn to follow a recipe and cook a simple dish.

“Kids flourish when they are given responsibility,” Lahey goes on to say.

Encouraging them to take more responsibility is healthy and gives them a chance to make mistakes while you’re there to help them through.

But let them be kids.

While we do want our children to be responsible, the goal isn’t to make them act like they’re 40.

My son asked for LEGOs for Christmas last year. He’s 12 and I hesitated because I wasn’t sure he’d use them.

And if he did, it wouldn’t be for long.

I knew his LEGO days were numbered.

As I thought about it, I chose to buy the LEGOs. Why? As long as my son wants to play, I want to encourage him to do that. (And LEGO sets are available in increasingly more complicated detail!)

Does she still want to snuggle up and watch a movie with you? Say “YES,” every chance you get. Just a few more blinks and they’ll be moving out to live at college or on their own. Make the most of these years while they’re still kids.

The best way is to lead by example.

Be silly. Sing really loud in the car, have a water balloon fight, challenge them to a game of HORSE at the basketball hoop. They may roll their eyes, but that little kid inside will secretly love it.

Think about time.

This is one of the hardest things for teens to navigate, mostly because they don’t even know it’s happening. Time management is a skill they will need for their whole life.

Scholastic has a great guide (http:// bit.ly/3ugliB6) that takes you through teaching your kid about time management. You can start just by talking to your 3-year-old about how time works.

Talk about the changing of the seasons or create a picture schedule to help them work out what happens in a day.

Having opportunities for things to feel hard or to fail or to work through a problem with a friend are all essential life skills. And right now, you get to be their backup.

When they reach grade school you can teach them how to read a clock and give them set time amounts for things like eating breakfast or doing homework. As they get older you can help them work through setting homework priorities or planning out a big project.

If they fail, they will learn. And Jessica Lahey reminds us that failure is one of the greatest teachers that kids could have.

In high school, talk about courses available and which ones make the most sense time-wise. Would a study hall be helpful during the semester they’re tak-

ing that Honors course? Maybe having a break for an art class will help him focus when he’s in Biology. Help them think about their school day beyond cramming in all the classes they can.

After school time is even more important to think about. It’s tempting in high school to do all the things. Sports?

Yes! Clubs? You bet! Driver’s ed? Absolutely. A job? Of course! With so many opportunities it’s hard to know how the puzzle pieces will all fit.

Talk about their time. Help them plan time for homework and activities and family. But also make sure they understand the value of free time. Again, the best way to do that is to model the behavior. Take breaks and have space in your day to make it good and healthy.

Lighten Up.

It feels like everything is higher stakes once you hit middle school. And when they hit high school? Boom! We hit another level. Suddenly, it’s all about getting into college. And there is merit in that. But it’s a lot of pressure.

Find ways to navigate when your child needs to be pushed and when to back off. And start now, before they are in middle school. Back off on sports.

Lighten up around grades. Be a gentle supporter around homework.

In all likelihood, the school is doing quite a bit of pushing. While we need to help our kids be responsible, we also need to give them opportunities to relax.

We can be the soft place to land when the world is pushing them on to succeed and do great things. We can show our kids to be serious and focused while maintaining opportunities to lighten up.

Foster Relationships.

Middle school and high school can be a wild ride when it comes to friendships. There is no shortage of hormoneinduced drama during these years. Finding ways to encourage solid, healthy friendships can be a lifeline for your child.

Make opportunities to have kids over. Start as soon as they start to make continued on page 34 December 2023 WNY Family 33

10 WAYS TO PREPARE YOUR CHILD continued... connections in preschool or elementary school. Make your home a safe space to have fun with peers.

As they get older, take time to talk with your child about his or her friends.

Remember this is not a time to try to dig up problems. Rather, these conversations offer opportunities for your child to talk with you. “Special Time” is a perfect tool to use for creating space for your child to confide in you.

Laying this foundation is essential when he or she encounters a problem.

Your child will feel more comfortable talking with you, allowing you to help him.

Spend time together.

MEET THE HEAD OF SCHOOL

Making time to be together is something that you will appreciate, as your child is getting older. But your child will appreciate it as well. Your availability is key to her feeling secure as she faces these transitions.

Remember, she may appear to be independent and capable of conquering the world, but she still needs your presence, support, and advice.

This can and should be enjoyable for both of you. From reading the same book to letting them plan a day for the two of you, there are a variety of ways to make this fun. Find what works for you and your teen.

I like to have dates with my kids.

I take one of them out for a lunch at their favorite restaurant or we go to the museum or the park of their choice. It doesn’t have to be an elaborate and expensive affair. Just something that tells them they are special.

What’s next?

There may be moments for your teen (and for you) that feel overwhelming. It’s easy to look at high school as one giant thing you both have to face.

When either of you feels overwhelmed the best place to start is with what’s next.

When my daughter made her freshman schedule, she struggled to decide

whether to keep taking band. She felt pressured to stick with it but also wanted space to try new things. Instead of thinking about band for four years, we talked about whether she wanted to do it for the first semester.

So often we lump high school together as one unit. Looking at the pieces, the years, the semesters, we can break things down and focus on the decision right in front of us instead of a fouryear decision. We don’t need to figure out what they’re going to do for a senior project the first day they walk through the door their freshman year. Just look at the next thing and face that together.

2-Minute Action Plan

Think about the stage your child is in. Look at all the pieces of where he or she is right now and begin to think about the trajectory toward high school. Don’t use this as a planning time, rather, use this as a time to consider the stages to come and the challenges and joys you will face together.

Elmwood Franklin School Meet the Head of Lower School: Bobbie Finocchio, Ed.D.

Dr. Bobbie Finocchio joined Elmwood Franklin School as their Head of Lower School in July 2023. Dr. Finocchio came to EFS with a strong background in school leadership and elementary education, serving as a principal and a special educator in Massachusetts. Locally, Dr. Finocchio has been an instructor at the University at Buffalo’s Graduate School of Education and most recently served as Vice President of Education Excellence for an area K-12 school.

“At its best, leading is both hard work and magical.”

As an experienced school leader, Dr. Finocchio has anchored her pedagogy in ensuring a strong instructional core. As a role model

34 WNY Family December 2023

for students, she knows it is essential for her to show what it looks and feels like to try, fail, and succeed. By promoting a culture of learning in which curiosity is rewarded and risk-taking is encouraged, Dr. Finocchio believes students will see themselves as capable of learning and improving—no matter what it takes.

Dr. Finocchio has high expectations for student learning and knows they need to be in an environment where they feel a deep sense of belonging, are valued for who they are, and are represented in the curriculum.

When all of this comes together— rigorous academics, belonging, and promoting a growth mindset—the true magic is seeing that students can far

exceed their expectations for themselves.

A Massachusetts native, Dr. Finocchio holds a B.A. in Psychology from Regis College.

She earned her master’s degree in Education Leadership from Salem State University, a master’s degree in Special Education from Regis College, and her doctorate in Educational Administration from Boston College.

104 New Amsterdam Ave. Buffalo, NY 14216

716-877-5035

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What is one responsibility you can give them today?

Look at your daily schedule. When can you fit in some Special Time? When can you take them out on a date?

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How are they doing on time management? What can you do to help them become more conscious about time? How can you help them determine their priorities?

How are you doing balancing the goal of giving them responsibility while still letting them be kids? How can you do better?

Think about your own school experiences. How can you keep yourself from oversharing?

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Also, give yourself time and space to think about your feelings as your child gets ready for high school. Acknowledge your emotions and thoughts to help you both through this exciting process.

Rebecca Hastings is a former elementary teacher who traded the classroom for writing when she stayed home with her three children. Passionate about authenticity, faith, and family, you can find her at RebeccaHastings.net and on Amazon. In real life, she can often be found typing words, driving her kids places, or wherever there is chocolate.

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F

or some, the preparation begins long before the SAT or ACT exams. College seems to be instilled in students from ninth grade or even middle school.

“I started to see my kids up late at night doing homework when they were 11 and 12 years old, and then one of my daughters developed a physical condition related to the stress,” says Vicki Abeles, producer of Race to Nowhere, a documentary on how far, how fast we push today’s kids. Abeles reminds parents that kids have their whole lives ahead of them and not to feel that they have to be in any sense “finished” ending high school. “Defer college conversations until their junior year,” she says.

“In that way you allow your child to be present with what they’re learning.”

When is it time to prepare for the send-off to independent living and studying, and what measures might parents take to ease the way? Try following these six steps.

Step #1 — Consider other pathways for your child If the primary reason for a 4-year degree is success, jump to the biographies of Bill Gates, Mary Kay Ash, Michael Dell, Rachel Ray, and Steven Spielberg. These individuals became wealthy in their respective industries because they parlayed passion, talent, and work ethic into profitable ventures — reportedly, without a college degree.

Though a degree often equates to one’s ticket to the upper middle class, be sure to separate fantasy from reality. Newsweek reported that for students graduating in a recession, it may take 17 years to reach the salary of slightly older colleagues. At the same time, average student loan debt is 47% higher than it was a decade ago.

According to O*NET Online, the projected outlook for plumbers is bright (and eco-friendly), with a faster than average growth rate, vocational and on-the-job education. An Associate’s Degree provides that but it’s not mandatory.

Other bright outlook careers include animal trainers, heating & air con36 WNY Family December 2023

Six Steps for Success from High School to College

by Loriann Hoff Oberlin, MS, LCPC

ditioning mechanics/installers, as well as teacher assistants. Fitness & wellness coordinators, industrial ecologists, and medical appliance technicians have projected growth rates that are deemed to be “faster than average.”

With the baby boomer generation, personal care and home health aides will be needed at a “much faster than average” pace. Of course, many see these as jobs rather than careers, but if your teen is unsure of skills sets (empathy, helping others), work like this aids in decision-making and may inspire to future careers in healthcare.

Step #2 — Explore the benefits of a gap year According to Attention, the magazine of CHADD, college success requires two maturities — intellectual (handling academics without parental guidance) and emotional (balancing friends, recreation and studying, plus seeking supports without resistance).

In the UK, students frequently spend a year be-

fore they go off to university, exploring the world, vital causes, and themselves in the process. Make no mistake, this isn’t a year off implanting one’s DNA on the family room sofa; it’s well-crafted for personal enrichment, kinesthetic learning, or part of an organized program with goals and stated opportunities. eCampusTours reports that students will mature, become more focused, and appreciate college more. Princeton University calls this pre-collegiate enrichment or more aptly put, a bridge year, designed to immerse students abroad in public service.

In The Gap Year Advantage, author Karl Haigler maps out chapters on fund raising, health/safety, and finding the right fit. Kristin M. White wrote The Complete Guide to the Gap Year, which some call the most comprehensive guide to 200 of the best programs. She separates these into volunteer, outdoor, art, music, theater and media programs as well as cultural immersion, environmental, marine life choices, and more.

White reports that by taking the self-quizzes in her book, students can evaluate their interests, plan and fund their gap year, whether it means spending time on a sailing vessel, coaching sports and teaching in an impoverished

area, or following a passion in the arts or academics. All experts agree that even if a student has a less life-changing bridge year, it’s an invaluable, can’t-go-wrong experience.

Step #3 — Plan for potholes If your child has any special needs, it’s wise to enlist the supports available at the campus disability services office. Barbara Cooke, MA is the author of the Parent’s Guide to College and Careers: How to Help, Not Hover. “Parents of students with ADHD and learning disabilities (LD) know their child is going to have extra difficulty,” she says. For better outcomes including less loan debt, she advises families proactively implement a transition plan that should include: •

An honest assessment of student strengths/weaknesses, including social skills.

•

A structured plan for career exploration such as job shadowing and informational interviews in fields that can use the student’s strengths.

•

Understanding of the student’s learning style and how it fits (or doesn’t fit) with a proposed major or career.

“Register with the disability services office as soon as possible, preferably right after you get your acceptance letter,” write Patricia Quinn, M.D. and Theresa Laurie Maitland, Ph.D. in On Your Own: A College Readiness Guide for Teens with ADHD/LD. Many schools have departments designed to help students with all types of disabilities, but the resources can range from a one-person staff to a dozen specialists.

Key differences from high school accommodations: These are student driven and they fall under the Americans With Disabilities Act (unlike IDEA). Students must contact disability services on their own. Some universities have helpful presentations during freshman orientation to hear from students and parents who have used the services,

and from professors sharing tips as well.

You won’t find the hand holding offered in high school, but supports nonetheless.

John Honeycutt, author of College Contract: Authentic Conversations with College-Bound Adult Children, suggests a signed, written agreement detailing budget, expectations, responsibilities, limitations, and moving back home.

While his website offers a very detailed sample, parents can draft even a one or two-page document with all of this, plus consequences for behaviors and/or academic difficulty/poor grades. “Just simply making a contract isn’t enough,” Honeycutt says. “Part of the ‘magic’ in this process is the dialogue it creates between you and your child.” Do this with your child, he suggests, for the authentic dialogue it promotes.

Step #4 — Avoid the snail’s pace By the time most kids reach high school, they start clamoring for independence, their own money to spend… freedom. Yet according to news reports, more kids “major in going slow,” that is, they earn degrees not in four years, but in five or six. Newsweek dubbed this “Procrastination U,” reporting on the trend nearly 10 years ago, citing switches in majors, kids working jobs while funding school, and a competitive culture urging dual degrees. This can make parents cringe, yet some universities provide incentives to finish in the standard four years or consequences for not accruing enough credits each semester.

“Take classes that will help you meet your graduation requirements,” says Harry Harrison, Jr., author of 1001 Things Every College Student Needs to Know. “Forgetting this is why kids spend six years in college and leave with $400-a-month student loan payments — and no degree.”

If a student narrows interest to a few majors, check each college’s semester length and availability of core courses needed to complete that program as well as pre-requisites. When starting at community college, be certain courses

transfer and attempt what might appear to be difficult subjects earlier versus later. Do this to rule in or out some majors because if you can’t make it out of the difficult pre-requisites, you may have to switch majors, thus delaying advancement.

Step #5 — Recognize the change in your role & family Neil Montgomery, a psychologist at Keene State College in New Hampshire, studied “helicopter parents,” finding that such over-protection can leave lasting impact such as dependency, anxiety, anger, impulsivity, vulnerability, and self-consciousness that doesn’t prepare young adults to withstand social pressures outside their families.

Whenever a family member exits the nest, it takes time to reorganize the equilibrium at home. This is a natural phenomenon in family systems theory. Everyone experiences stress, often without understanding its cause, even siblings whose role in the family may suddenly change with the departure of a brother or sister to college. More upheaval occurs upon homecoming visits, which may feel lonely to parents compared to the weekend-long love fest they imagined.

Put things in perspective, parents.

See the college years as the navigation path between turbulent teen years and responsible young adulthood, often frightening and unfamiliar for all involved. See this as their chance to differentiate themselves as well.

“When you love someone for 18 years, then hug goodbye, who wouldn’t grieve,” says Natalie Caine, founder of Empty Nest Support Services in Los Angeles. “Your relationships are up for a change whether you like it or not.”

Marriages, career goals, friendships, housing needs may all shift in the wake of this change in the family.

In the end, is the investment worth it? Though not the only path to success, a master’s degree can mean $1.3 million more in lifetime earnings than a high school diploma, according to the U.S. continued on page 39 December 2023 WNY Family 37

R

ising parental expectations and criticism are linked to an increase in perfectionism among college students, which can have damaging mental health consequences, according to new research published by the American Psychological Association.

Researchers analyzed data from more than 20,000 American, Canadian and British college students. They found that young people’s perceptions of their parents’ expectations and criticism have increased over the past 32 years and are linked to an increase in their perfectionism.

“Perfectionism contributes to many psychological conditions, including depression, anxiety, self-harm and eating disorders,” said lead researcher Thomas Curran, PhD, an assistant professor of psychological and behavioral science at the London School of Economics and Political Science.

Study co-author Andrew P. Hill, PhD, a professor of sport and exercise psychology at York St John University, added that “the pressure to conform to perfect ideals has never been greater and could be the basis for an impending public health issue.”

Perfectionism often becomes a lifelong trait and prior research has shown that perfectionists become more neurotic and less conscientious as they get older. Perfectionism also can perpetuate through generations, with perfectionist parents raising perfectionist children.

Curran and Hill previously found that three types of perfectionism were increasing among young people in the U.S., Canada, and the United Kingdom.

They suspected that one cause might be that parents are becoming more anxious and controlling, so they analyzed the findings of other published studies in two meta-analyses for this latest piece of research, which published online in the journal Psychological Bulletin.

The first meta-analysis included 21 studies with data from more than 7,000 college students. Parental expectations and criticism had moderate associations with self-oriented and other-oriented perfectionism and a large association with socially prescribed perfectionism.

Self-oriented perfectionism involves perfectionist standards about the self. Other-oriented perfectionism is perfectionism turned outward, where someone expects others to be perfectionist. Socially prescribed perfection38 WNY Family December 2023

Rising Parental Expectations Linked to Perfectionism in College Students

Parental pressures increased over past 30 years with societal changes, study finds ism is the perception that other people and society require perfection. The three types of perfectionism overlap and can exacerbate the effects of each other in negative ways.

Parental expectations had a larger impact than parental criticism on selforiented and other-oriented perfectionism, so parental expectations may be more damaging than parental criticism.

“Parental expectations have a high cost when they’re perceived as excessive,” Curran said. “Young people internalize those expectations and depend on them for their self-esteem. And when they fail to meet them, as they invariably will, they’ll be critical of themselves for not matching up. To compensate, they strive to be perfect.”

Self-oriented perfectionism was higher for American college students than Canadian or British students, possibly because of more intense academic competition in the U.S. “These trends may help explain increasing mental health issues in young people and suggest this problem will only worsen in the future,” Hill said.

“It’s normal for parents to be anxious about their children, but increasingly this anxiety is being interpreted as pressure to be perfect.”

The second meta-analysis included 84 studies conducted between 1989 and 2021 with a total of 23,975 college students. Parental expectations, criticism and their combined parental pressure increased during those 32 years, with parental expectations increasing at the fastest rate by far.

“The rate of increase in young people’s perceptions of their parents’ expectations is remarkable,” up an average 40% compared with 1989, Curran said.

The studies were conducted in the U.S., Canada and the United Kingdom, so the findings can’t be generalized to other cultures. The research is correlational, so it can’t prove that rising parental expectations or criticism caused an increase in perfectionism among college students, only that there is a link between them. However, the research suggests troublesome changes over time, according to the researchers.

So, what are parents supposed to do? “Parents are not to blame because they’re reacting anxiously to a hypercompetitive world with ferocious academic pressures, runaway inequality and technological innovations like social media that propagate unrealistic ideals of how we should appear and perform,” Curran said.

“Parents are placing excessive expectations on their children because they think, correctly, that society demands it or their children will fall down the social ladder,” Curran added. “It’s ultimately not about parents recalibrating their expectations. It’s about society – our economy, education system and supposed meritocracy – recognizing that the pressures we’re putting on young people and their families are unnecessarily overwhelming.”

Parents can help their children navigate societal pressures in a healthy way by teaching them that failure, or imperfection, is a normal and natural part of

life, Curran said. “Focusing on learning and development, not test scores or social media, helps children develop healthy selfesteem, which doesn’t depend on others’ validation or external metrics,” he said.

Article: “Young People’s Perceptions of Their Parents’ Expectations and Criticism Are Increasing Over Time: Implications for Perfectionism,” by Thomas Curran, PhD, London School of Economics and Political Science, and Andrew P. Hill, PhD, York St John University, Psychological Bulletin, published online March 31, 2022.

The American Psychological Association, in Washington, D.C., is the largest scientific and professional organization representing psychology in the United States. APA’s membership includes over 133,000 researchers, educators, clinicians, consultants and students. Through its divisions in 54 subfields of psychology and affiliations with 60 state, territorial and Canadian provincial associations, APA works to advance the creation, communication and application of psychological knowledge to benefit society and improve people’s lives.

SIX STEPS FOR SUCCESS continued...

Census Bureau. The Big Payoff: Educational Attainment and Synthetic Estimates of Work-Life Earnings revealed that over one’s working life, high school graduates can expect (on average) to earn $1.2 million; those with a bachelor’s degree, $2.1 million; and those with a master’s degree, $2.5 million.

Each family must decide what works for them and at what time. Harrison begins his book with this first tip: “You need to know you’ll have to beat the odds. According to American College Testing (ACT), one in four college students leaves before completing sophomore year. Nearly half of all freshmen will either drop out before obtaining a degree, or they’ll leave to complete their degree elsewhere.”

A sobering thought, but one that helps make the most of any post-high school journey.

Step #6 — Encourage skill and income advancement Never underestimate the value of entrepreneurial activities and pursuits that add to a young person’s resume. So often parents only see solo work as something for the established professional, but in today’s economy, that’s all changed.

Enter: The Gig Economy, a term coined to incorporate those anyone who drives for Uber or Lyft to those who serve as freelance writers or independent workers. In a 2018 Forbes article, the employment trends predicted state that one in three workers freelance and by 2020, half of all U.S. workers will be solo or in this gig economy, due to an expected 1.5 million fewer college graduates as well as employers looking to lower their costs and still meet client needs.

Loriann Oberlin, MS, LCPC is a practicing therapist and the author of 13 books, including “Overcoming Passive-Aggression” and “Writing to Make Money: Short Projects.” She offers resources on her website at www.loriannoberlin.com.

Erie County Family Peer Support Services Who are we?

New Directions Family Peer Advocates provide Family Peer Support Services to parents and caregivers of youth who are experiencing mental health or behavior challenges. Our team of parent professionals support parents by providing a “peer” service, meaning the service provider is someone who has lived experience raising a child with a mental health diagnosis. All program staff are trained and credentialed as New York State Family Peer Advocates.

We believe that parents/caregivers are the experts on their own children. We use a trauma informed care approach in all the work we do. We believe in focusing on and building upon strengths and solution focused planning.

Services are free, provided at times and locations convenient for the parent/caregiver, and are family-driven. The goals and needs we work on are identified by you, based on your family’s unique circumstances.

What do we do?

We help parents/caregivers to: • Learn more about their child’s diagnosis and ways to support their child.

• Identify their own needs and engage in self-care.

• Feel less alone by connecting them with other parents/caregivers experiencing similar situations.

• Engage/re-engage with family members and build natural supports.

• Learn more about the services that are available to them in the community and connect them to resources that meet their needs.

• Provide support and resources related to education, mental health services, hospital/ER care, social services, and community supports.

• Become advocates for their child and themselves.

* Funding for these services is provided through Erie County Department of Mental Health and NYS Office of Mental Health.

Contact info: (716) 486-3298

familyadvocates@ndyfs.org December 2023 WNY Family 39

40 WNY Family December 2023

e r s o l ft a i G G A Holiday Gift Guide 716 Music & More

716-390-8347 www.716MusicAndMore.com Music Together is the world-renowned early childhood music and movement program for children birth through age 8 and the grownups who love them. This incredible curriculum has been offered for over 30 years and is loved by families around the world. Ongoing research guarantees a high quality, educational and fun experience in our classroom at Harlem Road Community Center. Join our musical community and make musical memories with us!

Tuition includes weekly classes, CD and digital downloads, illustrated songbook, and online access to videos, activity pages and more! Gift certificates available.

Academy of Theatre Arts

4231 Transit Rd, Buffalo • 716-810-0551 www.academyoftheatrearts.com As 2022 award winners of NYS Theatre Guide’s “Best Theatre Education Program for Young Artists”, we are proud to use theatre as a platform to teach and promote excellence in public speaking, self-esteem, confidence, and personal excellence to a generation who now needs these skills more than ever before! ATA offers classes in acting, singing, dancing, private voice, competitive musical theatre companies and a variety of summer camps. For a complete list of classes visit www.academyoftheatrearts.com. Become a part of our theatre family and give the gift of theatre lessons this Holiday season!

Clayton’s Toys

5225 Main St., Williamsville • 716-633-1966 1396 Hertel Ave., Buffalo • 716-939-3000 www.claytonstoystore.com WNY’s one-stop toy shopping experience! An independently-owned toy store celebrating over 100 years.

Stop by one of Clayton’s two locations where you’ll find gifts, toys, games, novelties, and nostalgia for children of all ages! We have a vast selection of baby items, books, dolls, stuffed animals and puppets, science kits, art supplies, crafts, puzzles, building toys, trucks, and more! The incredible staff is here to help you find that perfect holiday gift and offers complimentary gift wrapping and shipping.

There is something for everyone at Clayton’s Toys, so come on in and experience it for yourself!

Designing Dish

138 Grey Street, East Aurora • 716-655-4456 www.designingdish.com

Everyone is an artist at Designing Dish – a paint your own pottery store featuring Glass Fusing. Create make and take gifts from christmas trees to ornaments. We have those special projects that everyone will always remember. Open for walk-ins, birthday parties, ladies nights, and accepting reservations for private parties. Celebrate the Holiday Season by visiting us in the historic village of East Aurora. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram.

Embrace the Difference®

ReedsJenss or Shop Online www.embracethedifference.org This stunning collection is a beautiful way to spread a message of kindness & acceptance while making a contribution to the charity of your choice. The symbol of a single square embraced by circles shows we are all connected, no matter what difference we may have. The square is different, but is an integral part of the whole circle. This symbol has been finely crafted into a complete line of jewelry & apparel starting at $30. $5 to $100 from each purchase is donated back to a charity you choose.

Federal Meats

With 9 WNY Locations to serve you. Call 716-633-1390 for the nearest location. www.federalmeats.com

Give The Gift of Good Taste! Enjoy this real old-time butcher shop, where meat professionals assist customers one-on-one in selecting their meats, poultry, deli and seafood. Here is where you can have your favorite items cut and wrapped to your specification. Their large deli section includes a full signature line of freshly prepared dinner entrées and appetizers to choose from. Federal Meats specializes in friendly knowledgeable service where phone orders are always welcome. Federal Meats accepts Cash, Master Card, Visa, Discover and EBT. Holiday Gift Certificates, Steak & Meat Packages are also available for year-round gift giving. Follow us on Facebook & Instagram - @federal_meats.

December 2023 WNY Family 41

Creating Smiles for over 100 years!

Find us on Facebook Clayton’s Toys 1396 Hertel Avenue • Buffalo, NY

(716) 939-3000

5225 Main St. • Williamsville, NY

(716) 633-1966

www.ClaytonsToystore.com Pottery Painting and Glass Fusing.

Follow us on Facebook & Instagram

Open for walk-ins 7 Days a week, Birthday Parties, and Ladies Nights.

138 Grey Street, East Aurora, NY

716-655-4456 • www.designingdish.com

Award Winning Academy of Theatre Arts 2023/2024 ATA Theatre Season

SUMMER REGISTRATION OPENS Monday, January 15th Spots fill up quickly, so don’t delay!

$5 OFF your Registration Fee when you mention this ad and register by March 1st

For more information visit our website! ift Holiday G s te ca fi ti er C le b a avail

Call 716-810-0 55 today! 1

4231 Transit Road Williamsville, New York 14221 Contact 716-810-0551 or info@academyoftheatrearts.com 42 WNY Family December 2023

e r s o l ft a i G G A Holiday Gift Guide Fisher-Price® Toystore

636 Girard Avenue, East Aurora • 716-687-3300 www.fisherpricetoystore.com

The Fisher-Price® Toy Store is your headquarters for all things FUN! Come check out our large selection of toys and baby products for every occasion. We offer a baby shower registry for all your new baby needs. Our expert staff will be happy to assist you with any questions you have to find the right product or gift item. Still not sure what to get? We also have gift cards available in any denomination. Call our information line at 716-687-3300 to hear our store hours or get directions to our store.

Gymnastics Unlimited

70 Weiss Ave., W. Seneca/Orchard Park • 716-677-0338 www.gymnastics-unlimited.net GYMNASTICS will keep your child moving all winter!

No need to be a member for these programs to burn off that winter energy: Open Workouts Fri. & Sat. from 7:15-9pm just $13 (6 yrs & up), Toddler time on Wednesday & Thursday from 12:15-1pm for 5 yrs & under, $7 per walking child and Open Tumbling on Monday & Wednesday from 8:509:45pm, $10. HOLIDAY GIFTS!!! For those gymnasts that like to practice at home, you may order Mats, handspring spotters, beams, bars, leotards and other gymnastics inspired gifts along with gift certificates for our programs.

Kid to Kid

1060 Niagara Falls Blvd., Tonawanda • 716-831-8300 www.kidtokid.com/tonawanda 980 Union Rd., Southgate Plaza, West Seneca • 716-675-0483 www.kidtokid.com/westseneca

Holiday gift shopping at up to 70% off mall prices!

We’re a family-owned, upscale resale store with two great locations in Tonawanda and West Seneca. We buy and sell the best of what kids outgrow: kids’ clothing sizes 0-14, shoes, toys, books, games, baby equipment, and more.

We buy all seasons all the time, no appointment necessary. It’s a win-win for parents...by trading in outgrown items and buying what’s needed now, and by giving another child an opportunity to love those items. Kid to Kid supports and donates to local charities. Open Mon-Sat 9am-8pm, Sun 12-5pm. Follow us on Facebook!

Monaco’s Violin Shop & Music Centre, Inc.

55 CrossPoint Pkwy., Suite 106, Getzville • 716-688-8600 www.monacosviolinshop.com

Celebrating 50 years! Monaco’s Violin Shop is a family owned and operated business serving this area since 1973. Monaco’s is the only store in WNY that specializes in the retail, rental, & repair of violins, violas, cellos, and basses. Monaco’s carries instruments made in Romania, the Czech Republic, Germany and others. Monaco’s is the exclusive dealer of the Samuel Shen line of instruments in WNY. We have years of experience repairing many different stringed instruments including guitars, banjos, ouds, mandolins, and more. Our annual sale on instruments, accessories, and musically inspired gifts, runs from November 24th thru December 23rd.

H H Open to the Public H H

H

SUNDAYS

Birthday Parties Call to Schedule new !!!

H

2 Packages to Choose From:

1. 1 hour in gym, 30 minutes for pizza & cupcakes you provide and gifts.

H

2. 1 hour in gym, 15 mintures for gifts & happy birthday. Cupcakes (you provide) handed out at door.

Open Tumbling: Mon & Wed 8:50-9:45pm Open Workout: Fridays: 7:15-9pm

Toddler Time: up to age 5 - Wed & Th 12:15-1pm

70 Weiss Avenue • West Seneca, NY 14224

(716) 677-0338 H www.gymnastics-unlimited.net December 2023 WNY Family 43

Past & Present Science & Nature Store

3767 South Park Avenue, Blasdell • 716-825-2361 www.pastpres.com

Past & Present is a unique science & nature store offering unusual treasures from around the world.

Fossils, rocks, minerals & crystals are some of the geologic wonders you might find for that one of a kind gift.

Beautiful amethyst cathedrals, geodes & other natural pieces of art, along with handcrafted jewelry, are always available. Browsing our shop is a great experience for kids of all ages. Books, posters, science discovery kits & geology tools are just some of the great gift ideas available. Be sure to visit our free Fossil Gallery featuring dinosaurs, sharks, local & internationally found fossils.

Raff and Friends

Eastern Hills Mall, 4545 Transit Rd., Williamsville • 716-632-4202 www.raffandfriends.com

Shop local this Holiday Season!

Raff and Friends is a locally owned toy store located in the Eastern Hills Mall. The store is packed full of an incredible variety of quality products including Melissa and Doug, Playmobil, Breyer, Bruder, Squishables, Calico Critters, Kruselings Dolls, arts & crafts, fidget toys, science, books, puzzles and board games for all ages, and much, much more. Shop in store, Mon-Sat 10-6, Sun 12-5. Or Checkout the online store at www. raffandfriends.com where you will find that perfect gift for that special someone on your holiday list.

Raff and Friends wishes everyone a Happy Holiday Season and Happy New Year!

Urban Air Adventure Park

Walden Galleria, 1 Walden Galleria Drive, Buffalo • 716-568-7083 www.UrbanAirBuffalo.com

Urban Air Adventure Park Buffalo is much more than a trampoline park. We’ve got trampolines for sure, lots of them in fact. But, when it comes to indoor fun for all ages, we’ve taken the indoor trampoline park concept to a whole new level with a huge variety of indoor adventures and attractions for kids of all ages. At Urban Air we push adventure to the limits. We provide a safe place where your whole family can jump, soar, race, climb, and play.

44 WNY Family December 2023

e r o l a G Gifts

FAMILY TRAVEL continued...

Kids Art Lab at the Rockwell Museum

A Holiday Gift Guide

~ Since 1973 ~

Monaco’s Violin Shop & Music Centre Celebrating 50 Years

~ Violins ~ Violas Annual Sale Nov. 24th - Dec. 23rd, 2023 ~ Cellos ~ Basses 716-688-8600 ~ Rentals www.MonacosViolinShop.com ~ Repairs 55 CrossPoint Parkway, Suite 106 Getzville, NY ~ Sales (off N. French between I-990 & Millersport)

Past & Present

Past & Present Science & Nature Store and Fossil Gallery Fossils, Rocks & Minerals Amethyst Geodes Crystals & Tumbled Stone Science Discovery Kits Educational Toys • Books & Posters Jewelry • Agate Slices Unique Gifts From Around The World

VISIT OUR FREE FOSSIL GALLERY! Hours: Mon, Tues, Fri, Sat 10-6 Wed & Thur 10-8 Sun 12-5 (for the holidays) Please call for additional hours

Gift Certificates Available

ids and Kid• www.pastpres.com p forNYK• 716-825-2361 3767 South o Park ShoBlasdell s at Hear p Ave. t One St

Holiday Shop for Kids and Kids at Hear t One Stop ~ Call for Holiday Hours ~ Eastern Hills Mall | Williamsville, NY 14221 | (716) 632-4202

Breyer Horses • Bruder Trucks • Science Plush • Puzzles • Games •

and So Much More!

Shop online at www.raffandfriends.com

gage younger visitors. Just around the corner on Market Street be sure to stop in the KIDS ROCKWELL Art Lab, a family studio inspired by the art of the Rockwell Museum.

The Dippity Do Dahs Market Street shop featuring locally made ice cream will be on your route and is a must stop for ice cream lovers of all ages.

Year after year, Corning is named one of “America’s Best Small Towns for Christmas” by Country Living Magazine.

The Glass Museum’s Holiday Tree is a one-of-a-kind creation made of 2,000 handblown ornaments. No two ornaments are the same. It takes several days to install in the museum’s glass walled lobby. Lights from within the tree illuminate it from the inside, making it glow.

The first Saturday (Dec. 2) this month is the 49th annual Corning “Sparkle” celebration with horse-and-wagon rides, special shopping and dining promotions, outdoor entertainment, carol singing, and even snowboard demos.

During the holiday season, Santa is in residence in his glass house in Centerway Square Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

There is an array of accommodations in Corning. The Corning Radisson Hotel (soon to be a Hilton Doubletree Hotel) is an ideal choice since it is near the heart of the Gaffer District on Market Street and just a block from the Rockwell Museum.

It is less than a mile from the Corning Museum of Glass.

Travel Tip of the Month: For information on Corning visit corningfingerlakes.com or call 607-936-6544. Both the Glass Museum and the Rockwell Museum are always free for ages 17 and under. Admission is free for everyone in both museums Dec. 2-3 as well as discounted holiday glassmaking projects. There will be special Holiday Break Activities Dec. 2631. Tickets are also good for two days. There are reduced rate combination tickets for the Glass Museum and the Rockwell Museum. For the Radisson Corning call 607-962-5000 or visit choicehotels.com.

Deborah Williams lives in Holland, NY and is a veteran travel writer whose work has appeared in national and international publications. She is the recipient of the Society of American Travel Writers’ Lowell Thomas Gold Travel Writing Award.

December 2023 WNY Family 45

DEAR TEACHER – by Peggy Gisler and Marge Eberts

Helping all parents make their children’s educational experience as successful as possible

Physical Activity – An Absolute Necessity for Children

P

arents: The benefits of physical activity are well-known.

The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) states that physical activity helps build and maintain healthy bones, muscles, and joints. And according to the Academy it helps keep a healthy body mass and reduces the risk of diabetes, high blood pressure, and heart disease later in life. Plus, studies show that when children exercise sufficiently, benefits include such things as better school performance, higher self-esteem, as well as better attention and behavior.

Are Your Children as Physically Active as They Should Be?

The older children get the less physically active they are likely to be. Only one in four high school students will exercise for an hour a day. Furthermore, all the research shows that few children meet the well-researched standards set by the AAP and the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Compare how active your children are to these standards: • Infants - supervised daily “tummy time” and other interactive play, spread throughout the day.

• Children ages 3-5 years - at least 60 minutes of unstructured physical activity per day, and they should not be sedentary for more than 60 minutes at a time except when sleeping. Activities should be light, moderate, and vigorous.

• Children 5-17 – 60 minutes of physical activity daily with it being vigorous activity at least three days a week.

Why Aren’t Children Getting the Physical Activity They Need?

The way we live has changed. No longer are most children walking or riding their bikes to school. Then there is all the 46 WNY Family December 2023

time children spend online which has lessened physical activity, especially for girls and their attachment to social media.

Another factor is the squeezing out of physical education classes and recess time with the increased emphasis on academic subjects. Ideally, children in elementary school should spend at least 30 minutes every day in PE classes and for middle school and high school students, the time expands to 45 minutes.

While the average length of elementary school recess time is 30 minutes a day, too many teachers stop children who have misbehaved or not done their schoolwork from having any recess time. And few states actually establish a minimum number of minutes that children should have for recess, but almost none mention the issue of teachers withholding recess time.

It doesn’t make sense that many schools are not devoting sufficient time for physical activities during the day. After all, students spend so much of the day in school and then doing homework and other non-physical, extracurricular activities that there is often little time for physical activity after school. If your children’s school is not offering the amount of physical activity your children need, it is a great topic for discussion and explanation at parent/teacher meetings with the purpose of increasing activity time.

Appropriate Types of Activities

Not all physical activity is appropriate for every age group. Infants need to be in settings that promote skill development in movement. Parents and caregivers can give them spontaneous opportunities when diapering, bathing, and dressing them and through games like pat-a-cake and peekaboo.

Children in ages 3-5 should be encouraged to play. They do not need formal muscle strengthening programs, such as lifting weights. They will strengthen their muscles by playing on a jungle gym, or climbing trees, or simply walking, running, and jumping outside.

Older children ages 6-17 should be doing aerobic activities that make their hearts beat faster. They should also be strengthening their muscles through activities like climbing or doing push-ups. They also need to be doing bone-strengthening activities like jumping or running. When children become adolescents, they can start structured weight-lifting programs which may be part of sports teams’ practices.

Many children enjoy participating in team sports. When they first start a sport around age 5, the main idea is to find one that focuses on fun, has few rules, and does not stress competition. Up until age 9, fun remains important as well as the need to avoid having to learn complex rules. By age 10, children are ready to learn rules, strategy, and teamwork and for some competition.

Getting Physical Activities into Your Children’s Days

Days are full and busy for most families. If your children are not getting sufficient time for physical activities at school, you should make time for them at home.

Here are some suggestions: • Before school – walking the dog, walking or biking to school, emptying wastebaskets, taking out the garbage • After school – walking or biking home, participating in an activity like karate, gymnastics, dancing, or swimming, playing a team sport, or simply playing outside with friends • Weekends – family hikes, doing chores, dancing together, swimming, playing a sport together

Ways to Encourage Children to Be Active

Nothing is likely to encourage children more to be physically active than having parents who savor physical activity.

And the second thing is finding activities that are fun for them to do. Introduce them to a variety of activities so they can find ones that are appealing to them.

Parents should send questions and comments to dearteacher@dearteacher. com, and visit the dearteacher.com website to learn more about helping their children succeed in school.

DIGITAL KIDS continued...

Step 3: Talk to Your Kids It is important for you to talk to your children about generative AI and its potential uses. You can easily see how this type of technology could be used for academic dishonesty. Parents can help their children understand the benefits and risks of generative AI, and how to use it responsibly. Parents can also help their children develop critical thinking skills so that they can evaluate generative AI content critically.

Here are some tips for guiding your children through the world of generative AI: ● Don’t Provide Personal Information - Generative AI works off of the information is has access to. By providing personal information, you’re feeding your data into the larger data set that everyone has access to. ● Fact Check - AI tools are not perfect. It can invent facts that are simply not true. This is known as AI hallucinations. Kids (and parents) need to do their own research to confirm the information. ● Educate yourself about generative AI. The more you know about generative AI, the better equipped you will be to talk to your children about it. ● Talk to your children about generative AI in a positive way. Focus on the potential benefits of generative AI, such as its ability to create new and innovative forms of art and entertainment. ● Help your children develop critical thinking skills. Teach your children how to evaluate generative AI content critically and identify potential deepfakes. ● Encourage your children to use generative AI responsibly. Remind your children that generative AI should not be used to create harmful or offensive content.

By talking to your children about generative AI and its potential impacts, we can help them to become responsible and informed users of this new technology.

Mike Daugherty is a husband, father of three young children, author, speaker, Google Innovator, and possible Starbucks addict. He is a certified educational technology leader who has served in a variety of roles through his twenty-year career in public education. Currently, Mike is the Director of Technology for the Chagrin Falls Exempted Village School district in Northeast Ohio.

As an IT director he has developed creative, well thought out solutions that positively impact teaching and learning.

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To enter online, visit www.wnyfamilymagazine.com December 2023 WNY Family 47

PICK OF THE LITERATURE — by Dr. Donna Phillips

W

ith the color, noise, eating, visiting, game playing, and present opening that holds our attention and memories, we use December as the last hurrah of the year to finish our celebration of another year passing and take the last-minute opportunities to fill up on holiday goodies to see us through the deep winter months to come. Often called Wintering, it is a time defined by Krista Tippet as “both a season in the natural world, but ‘a respite our bodies require, a state of mind; a cyclical, recurrent weather pattern, if you will, of any life.’” It is a natural cycle that we are often aware of but of which we are not reflective.

To everything there is a season, and a time. December is not the time to reflect but it is the time to rejoice.

Books are a wonderful way to invite the whole family into the seasonal celebrations, foods, and events that take place during this time of year. Here are some of the newest books for you to share and enjoy.

In It’s Hanukkah (Random House, New York, 2023, $10.99), written by Andrea Posner-Sanchez and illustrated

by Barry Goldberg, Elmo is being introduced to the events, history, and traditions of the 8 days of Hanukkah and the way each is celebrated by his friends, the Bear family. Elmo is excited and curious to learn about the menorah and blue candles and the white shamash, the helper candle. He joins in with the family, humming along as they sing Hanukkah blessings.

A dinner of potato latkes, applesauce, and sour cream leaves him wanting 48 WNY Family December 2023

more. That is until the jelly doughnuts appear. After dinner, playing dreidel and winning yummy chocolatecovered coins called gelt, and opening his gift from the family has him looking forward to seven more days of Hanukkah celebrations! This is a simple, yet informative board book that will engage readers of all ages and introduce them to some traditions of the Hanukkah miracle.

For children who love the Diggers series, Where Do Diggers Celebrate Hanukkah? (Random House, New York, 2023, $8.99), written by Brianna Caplan Sayres and illustrated by Christian Slade, will be a huge holiday hit! Mother Digger digs up an ancient jar of oil. Cranes decorate the construction site. The cement mixer becomes the world’s largest dreidel. The armored truck keeps the gold-foil chocolates safe. Dump trucks carry Hanukkah presents, food trucks serve Hanukkah meals, and 9 cherry pickers create a huge menorah. What a fun way to celebrate the Festival of Lights!! This story might be fun to act out with toy trucks that might be in your house.

Not only would it be fun and meaningful, but it will also help your children develop comprehension by recreating the story and developing attention to story details.

Little Golden Books presents Hanukkah: The Festival of Lights (Penguin/Random House, New York, 2023, $10.99), written by Bonnie Bader and illustrated by Joanie Stone. This nicely told and illustrated book tells the story of Hanukkah in a way that is informative yet engaging for young children. It explains what life was like to live in the land of Israel during the reign of King Antiochus, and how the Jewish people had to struggle to live their beliefs and religious practices. Rather than present the objects and activities of Hanukkah, this book lets the reader and listener understand the significance of the Festival of Lights and why it is important in the lives of the Jewish Community.

You’re My Little Christmas Cookie (Silver Dolphin Books, San Diego, 2023, $8.99), written and illustrated by Natalie Marshall, is a delightful board book for the holidays! Cardboard cutouts of a cookie, a star, a snow-

man, a snowflake, and a deer make this book as fun to feel as it is to read. Simple rhyme celebrates the parental love that is expressed for each little character. This quiet cozy book is perfect for a cold winter evening and a bedtime read.

Countdown to Christmas (Crown Books for Young Readers, New York, 2023, $8.99), written by Nikki Shannon Smith and illustrated by Leticia Moreno, is a colorful count-down book for the holiday season. We follow this loving family each day as they countdown from 10 to the big day, and each day they do something special to celebrate the season and their time together.

On Day 10 they trim the tree. On day 9 they make a wreath. On day 8 they play outside. Each day is another way to celebrate the family and create last-

ing memories. Caroling, skating, shopping, sipping hot chocolate by the fire, and so on until the big day. What does this family do that you do? What does this family do that you might want to try?

This simple board book might inspire you to write and illustrate or photograph your own Countdown to Christmas book that you can read year after year!

The Snowmen is certainly one of the favorite series of books for children. These adorable and imaginative snowmen are always up to something fun and magical at night. Their newest book Snowmen’s Twelve Nights of Christmas (Dial Books for Young Readers, New York, 2023, $18.99), written

by Caralyn Buehner and illustrated by Mark Buehner, will not disappoint. All the fun happens when it gets dark, and the snowmen come alive. This cumulative tale tells the story of the events leading up to Christmas and all of the chaos that takes place when we are sleeping. The rhyme and use of alliteration will keep you reading as the snowmen dress up as tubing twins, merry mice, scolding squirrels, peeking penguins, gnomes, reindeer strolling shoppers, cuddling kittens, bouncing bunnies, ducks adancing, and finally chased up the outdoor Christmas tree to be lit on Christmas eve! This is sure to become a new Christmas favorite as these silly snowmen melt your heart, especially when they light the tree!

We just can’t get enough of Dr. Suess and his lovable character the Grinch. In How the Grinch Lost Christmas (Random House Kids, New York, 2023, $19.99), a sequel to How the Grinch Stole Christmas, with text by Alastair Heim and illustrations by Aristides Ruiz, we get another chance to travel the Grinch’s emotional rollercoaster of the holiday season. Heim’s imagination and ability to capture the clever “Suessian” rhyme and Ruiz’s talent recreating the artwork we have come to know and love, speak volumes about their dedication to continuing the Dr. Suess legacy. As you can imagine, the Grinch’s best intentions create the most spectacular Christmas tree to ever go terribly wrong when he comes in second in the Who-ville competition. How will he fix this? The book is the holiday surprise of 2023!

So now that you have feasted on the menu of holiday books, you can settle down with them to ready yourself for Wintering.

After the rush and bustle of the season, the quiet reflection to come will be welcome. Until then, feast, celebrate, and savor the sights, sounds, tastes, smells and feel of the holidays with your family and friends! It will be over before we know it!

Dr. Donna Phillips is an associate professor in the College of Education at Niagara University where her specialty is literacy and children’s literature. She lives on Grand Island, NY and is the mother of two adult children and the grandmother of one.

December 2023 WNY Family 49

SINGLE PARENTING

I

— by Meagan Ruffing

Life After Divorce:

t was August when I got divorced and, thankfully, it just so happened that visitation orders for my state said that Parent 1 would get the Christmas holiday with their kids. I couldn’t even begin to think about what it would be like to experience my first Christmas in nearly 20 years without my best friend; my kids’ dad… my ex-husband. I was trying to look at the glass-half-full side of things knowing that my kids and I would wake up together.

Holiday Style

I knew it would be hard. I knew it would be sad, and I knew I didn’t know the first thing about protecting my kids from the impending sadness that would consume that day. I didn’t even know how to put up a Christmas tree by myself nor did I want to. Honestly, I had absolutely no desire to celebrate anything. I just wanted to crawl in my bed, pull the covers over my head, and hide from the entire world. But — parenting doesn’t stop just because a divorce happens. In fact, parenting takes on a whole new meaning. It becomes your sole focus as you navigate new routines, new habits, and create new memories together. It became my lifeline in 2019.

If you find yourself in a similar situation this Christmas, I encourage you to try some of these things. They really helped me get through the month of December.

1) Put the tree up

. Even if you have zero energy to do anything… put the tree up. My mom flew out and helped me set things up for Christmas.

I’m so thankful she did because my kids and I needed the comfort that a Christ50 WNY Family December 2023

mas tree provides.

When I was too tired to trim the tree because I’d used all my energy to wrap my head around my new normal, my mom gently unwrapped each ornament and let me rest. Enlist the help of a friend or family member. Ask for help so you’re not alone.

2) Remember to eat. I still didn’t have

much of an appetite when December rolled around. I think things had kind of settled in by then and I was just beginning to grieve the marriage.

Eating was the last thing I wanted to do.

Nothing tasted good and eating seemed so unimportant in the midst of my life falling apart. Pick up healthy snacks to tuck in your purse, your car, and in a basket on top of your counter.

Find ones that are high in protein and low in sugar so you can get some energy to make it through the day.

3) Rest.

Resting can be taking a nap in the middle of the day, over the weekend, or getting to bed early. I didn’t sleep much during my divorce and for a long time after. I stayed up ruminating on the past 20 years and worrying about what the next 20 would look like. I used to call my friend Katie in the middle of the night just to have another person to talk to. She would listen to my hurts and remind me how loved I was. Those latenight phone calls were my version of rest because they offered me a few moments of relief.

4) Do nice things for yourself. I liked myself before

mydivorce, but I learned to love myself after the divorce. I tuned in to all my favorite Christmas movies and reminisced about spending the holidays with my grandparents up in the northeast. I came up with new ways to celebrate the holidays like volunteering, making Christmas cookies to give away, and leaving poinsettias on my friends’ doorsteps.

Doing things for other people helped take the focus off what I was going through and helped me focus on more positive things.

5) Plan things to look forward to. Since my kids went

to their dad’s the day after Christmas, I bought tickets to fly home to Massachusetts so I could be with my family.

I didn’t really want to travel but I was thankful to have something to count down to and focus on. I was able to rest, reset, and let my family take care of me during that time. I returned to my kids feeling somewhat refreshed and ready to approach the New Year.

If you’re going through a hard time right now and possibly dreading the holidays because of life’s circumstances, try to take one thing from this list to help you tackle another day. Maybe you can even set a New Year’s resolution.

Meagan Ruffing is a parenting journalist, mental health therapist, and single mom who tries to do her best each day. She doesn’t always get things right but continually strives to do better.

TWEENS & TEENS — by Rebecca Hastings

6 Things Your Teen Needs

But Doesn’t Know How to Ask For

M

y daughter’s eyes were filled with tears and my voice was louder than it needed to be.

We were arguing over something trivial and small.

Or so I thought.

We had gone round and round about the homework she was struggling with.

She was convinced she wouldn’t be able to do it, and I was confident she could if she just pushed through. It was a moment when I could see her potential more than she could. She felt like she was sinking, and all I saw was her refusal to stand up in the shallow water.

After going round and round, we were both exasperated. Heels dug in tight, I realized I needed to be the one to move first.

All I could think was to ask a question: “What do you need?” I pleaded.

“I don’t know, Mom.” And the tears came.

In that moment I knew she had no idea what she needed and it was my job to figure it out with her. This wasn’t about helping her with homework; this was about helping her find her way.

Teens often don’t know what they need. Most kids don’t, but when they’re young we step in more willingly. Now that our babies are more at eye level, we look at them expecting adult choices, forgetting that sometimes they don’t know how to figure things out on their own.

Here are 6 things your teen may not have a clue he or she needs.

1) Physical Touch – As our kids get older, we are less likely to hug them, snuggle with them, or give them physical reassurance. This is especially true with boys because of gender expectations.

While much research has been done on the effects of physical contact for babies and young children, we forget that some of the same benefits apply to teens.

According to ParentingForBrain.com, “Hugging triggers the release of feel-good hormone, oxytocin that can lower the level of stress hormone and counter its anxiety effects.” This dual benefit helps teens in a way they cannot verbalize, making the situation they are facing easier to handle.

When my daughter is spiraling emotionally and I gently pull her into a hug, she immediately collapses against me, let-

ting the burden leave her as she falls into me. For some, hugs may be too much, but other types of physical touch can benefit them. A hand on the shoulder or a few minutes sitting side by side is enough to bring the same benefits.

2) Sleep & Rest – The need for and benefits of sleep for teens has been highlighted recently with studies showing that teens are not getting enough sleep for proper development. While much of the recent research has focused on the sleep/ school connection for teens, there is far more concerning the need for adequate rest.

Thinking back to those crazy years when I had three kids in as many years, everything is a blur. I spent five years sleepdeprived, and as a person who doesn’t function well without her eight hours, some days were difficult. I was irritable, unable to solve problems well, and couldn’t think clearly.

Now, think of those same effects on the physically and emotionally developing teen brain.

I don’t need a study to confirm that my kids function better with good sleep.

This can feel tricky with teens as changing physiology, more homework, and seeking independence keep them up later and later.

Shifting the focus from actual sleep time to rest has helped in our household.

Encouraging kids to get stressful tasks requiring a lot of thinking done earlier in the evening allows them to use later times for unwinding. This can be with some electronics, but research is clear that the use of electronic devices late at night is not good for anyone.

Finding things that are relaxing like a shower, reading, listening to audiobooks, journaling, drawing, or other non-stressful, quiet tasks are a great way to ease into a better sleep routine.

3) Expression – Teens often struggle with appropriate ways to express feelings. At times their feelings are new and foreign or mixed up in a way that leaves them uncertain what they feel at all. Giving them ideas for ways to express themselves helps. And the best way to do that is by modeling.

It’s no secret that telling a teen to do something doesn’t always work, but if they

see people they love and trust doing something, they may give it a try. Modeling a variety of ways to express thoughts, ideas, and feelings will help them see they have many options. Much like a buffet, when they are presented with an assortment of possibilities, they may try a few until they find what they like.

Talking is the most obvious way we express ourselves, but there are many more possibilities. Writing, drawing, creating, cooking, and building are a few ways you can foster expression. Some need something more physical so things like running, hiking, swimming, sitting at the beach, or even swinging on the swings can help.

The key is to try many things, and be okay when they don’t work. When teens see you finding your way, even with a struggle, it helps them know there is nothing wrong or unusual with their own.

4) Exercise – Very similar to expressing your feelings, exercise presents positive benefits that are often overlooked because we don’t know how to incorporate it in our lives. Teens especially struggle with this, even teens who play sports.

While playing a sport is a physical activity that will benefit them, it can also become a responsibility or burden associated with pressure.

I don’t love exercise. But I try to walk or hike regularly. It has little to do with physical health benefits and more to do with the clarity and mental well-being it fosters. Much study has been done on the benefits of exercise. It is proven that people who exercise feel more energetic throughout the day, sleep better at night, have sharper memories, and feel more relaxed and positive about themselves and their lives.

All of these benefits will help teens in ways they often cannot pinpoint. Giving them ample opportunity to try different types of exercise will also help them develop habits that will serve them later in life.

Even if they groan and complain, drag the family out for a hike or take them to the pool. Head to the trampoline park, shoot hoops, or challenge your teen to a 5K. Teens tend to let exercise go at a time when they may need it most. You can make sure they still have the opportunity to get moving. Plus, they may love the chance to beat you in a race.

5) Listening – This tip is the one most parents roll their eyes at and brush past. They often find themselves in the “My-kid-never-tells-me-anything” camp or the “My-kid-never-stops-talking” camp.

Neither of which sounds very fun.

We are often surprised to learn that teens want better communication with continued on page 55

December 2023 WNY Family 51

Talking to Kids About Disabilities — by Sarah Lyons

“W

hy do you talk like that?” I heard the question come from behind me as I helped another child in the Sunday school class.

“It’s just the way I am,” I heard my sister-in-law wisely answer the curious boy.

My sister-in-law, Kara, was born with Cerebral Palsy. She was helping me in the classroom that day when one of the kids noticed her speech was different.

Kara has been taught to answer “It’s just the way I am,” after years of questions about her differences.

Our kids have grown up around their beloved Aunt Kara and accept her as she is but there came a time when each of them has asked about Kara’s disability and why it makes her different.

Chances are, at some point, your child will meet someone at school or in the community who has disabilities. It is normal for children to have questions about people who are different, which means parents should be prepared to answer their questions in an intelligent and appropriate way. Here are some tips to get the conversation started:

Everyone is Different but the Same

All of us have unique gifts, personalities, and challenges. No two people are the same and this is a great thing because diversity makes life interesting and fun. While we are all different, everyone has things in common, too. All people, including people with

disabilities, want to have friends, be shown respect, and have the desire to be accepted.

Encourage your child to embrace the differences of others and find common ground, as well. If your child is interested in a popular television show, book, toy, or game; chances are a person with special needs is, too. Ask them what they love to do; I would guess they will be happy to tell you.

Types of Disabilities

Some disabilities are obvious and some are not. Some peo-

ple may need a walker or wheelchair to help them move around.

Others may have a cognitive (thinking) disability that is not as visible. Explain in simple terms that people struggle with different things and may need a little extra help from a physical tool (like a wheelchair) or help from others. People can have impairments with sight, hearing, walking, speech, cognitive, or a variety of other things.

It is important to note that just because someone is in a wheelchair, it does not mean they have a cognitive disability. Also, disabilities are not contagious and children are not going to “catch” the disability. These things may sound obvious to adults, but children process things differently and many have these questions.

Name Calling is Never Okay

Emphasize that people with disabilities have feelings, too.

Name calling is hurtful, disrespectful, and is a form of bullying.

People with disabilities need others to stand up for them when they cannot stand up for themselves.

Encourage your child to tell an adult if kids are teasing another child. Your child can be an example to others by being kind and respectful. Parents can set an example by using positive language and behavior towards others, as well.

A Note about “Rude” Comments

Kids are curious and love to ask questions. Many times they will say exactly what is on their mind, without thinking about whether the comments will be hurtful. This can be very embarrassing to parents.

So, what do you do if your child blurts out a rude and embarrassing comment? Start by answering calmly and matter of factly.

If, for example, your child says “Why is that boy in a wheelchair?”

Simply answer, “He needs it to move around. Why don’t you say hello?”

If the child is reluctant, say hello to him yourself along with something like “John likes trains. Do you like trains, too?” If the person accompanying the child responds, follow their lead.

It is always better to treat others as you would like to be treated than to hurry away in an embarrassing situation. Later, when you are at home, you can ask your child if they have any other questions about others with disabilities and reinforce the value of treating everyone equally.

My sister-in-law, now thirty-eight years old, has been asked many questions over the years, some rude and some just curious.

She has learned to handle them well because she knows that, just like anyone else, she has challenges to overcome and successes to celebrate. Kara loves watching movies, dancing to music, and taking care of animals. She loves eating candy, pizza, and tacos. She is fun to be around and loves to get out and explore new places.

People with disabilities are just people. Sometimes that simple fact is all kids need to know.

Sarah Lyons is a freelance writer whose work has been published in Pregnancy and Newborn Magazine, KC Parent, Austin

Family, Creative Child and over 160 other parenting publications.

52 WNY Family December 2023

THE FAMILY PET

— Courtesy of the Niagara Frontier Veterinary Society

N

othing can spoil holiday cheer like an emergency visit to a veterinary clinic.

These tips can help prevent a holiday disaster with your pets.

Make sure your pet doesn’t have any access to treats, especially those containing chocolate or xylitol, an artificial sweetener often used in candy and baked goods, which can lead to major medical issues for dogs. Some human foods may be toxic to animals such as onions, grapes, garlic, chives, chocolate, and coffee. Be sure to leave alcoholic drinks in places pets cannot get to them.

Don’t leave your pet alone in the room with lit candles or potpourri.

Watch pets around decorations including ribbon, gift wrapping, lights, and cords.

Secure your Christmas tree to keep it from falling over if your dog bumps it or your cat climbs it. Try decorating the lower portion of the Christmas tree with non-breakable decorations. Hanging lemon-scented car air fresheners in the tree may deter your cat from climbing it. Leave tinsel off your tree if you have a cat, as swallowing it can lead to such issues as dehydration, vomiting, or an obstructed digestive tract. Ensure pets cannot access possibly toxic Christmas tree water that may contain preservative chemicals or fertilizers (which can cause diarrhea or nausea).

Keep holiday plants out of reach of pets, such as poinsettias, mistletoe, holly, and Christmas rose. Many types of lilies can lead to kidney failure in cats if eaten.

Provide a safe place for your pet to escape the excitement (such as a kennel,

Holiday Health for Your Pet crate, perching place, scratching post shelf, or hiding place) if you’re entertaining guests. If your pet is excitable or scared, consider putting your pet in another room with some toys, fresh water, and a comfortable bed.

Be careful with toys and gifts designed for people that can be a great temptation for curious pets.

TRAVELING Don’t forget to bring everything your pet needs, such as food, medications, first aid and copies of their medical records.

items such as blankets, bowls, and collars. Their joy is also a present for you.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS! The Niagara Frontier Veterinary Society is comprised of more than 75 small animal hospitals and more than 225 practitioners in Erie and Niagara Counties. It exists to advance public awareness and understanding of appropriate and compassionate pet health care, veterinary services and the veterinary profession.

If you’re flying and want to bring your pet with you, it’s best to discuss it first with your veterinarian, since flying can come with health risks for pets, including those with respiratory or cardiovascular issues. Also, be sure to chat with your airline in advance about their specific rules for pet travel.

If you’re driving, be sure to safely restrain a pet in your car properly with a carrier or harness and never leave them alone. Pets should never be transported in a truck bed.

WHAT TO GET FOR YOUR PET Pet owners already know how important play is to their pets, and the holidays present the perfect opportunity for a little extra fun. A game of fetch in the snow, food puzzles, nose work, or a rousing session of feather or laser chasing might be exactly what your pet wants for Christmas this year.

Some of the best gifts to get your pets tail wagging are treats, puzzle toys, plush toys, a heated bed, interactive toys, bathing wand, and personalized

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T

he holidays are a wonderful, festive time, but preparing dinner for guests can be stressful. There are several areas that can be a challenge: • how to make a turkey when you aren’t used to it • the time to prepare the meal can take away from time to visit with loved ones • nervousness about the meal itself, including when it will be ready • the cost of the ingredients – it adds up when you are feeding a crowd We’ve all experienced one or more of these. Hungry kids asking when dinner is going to be ready, people milling around the kitchen asking if they can help while you’re trying to focus on how to juggle room on the stovetop, while checking to see if the meat is still too rare.

To ease some of that stress, below is an affordable and easy to prepare, hearty meal that you can cook the day before and then just reheat it when company arrives.

It’s delicious, looks (and tastes) like you spent a lot, but when shopped right, it is a real bargain. Guests can bring other side dishes, salad, and dessert, whatever they

would like to share. Remember to ask about any special dietary requirements, and share these with anyone who will be bringing a dish to share. This is an easy way to show love to others.

From our home to yours, Christmas blessings of faith, health, family, and friendship to you and your loved ones!

A few tips: • Shop the deals in advance – we’ve spotted bone-in pork shoulder (sometimes call pork butt roast) everywhere from supermarkets to the wholesale club stores. Prices range widely, but on average you can find it for less than $2.50 per pound.

Roasts can be frozen and then thawed in the refrigerator overnight.

• A 5-6 pound bone-in roast will easily feed 8-10. If you want leftovers, or have really big eaters, get a larger roast. If you have a bigger group to feed, get 2 or more pork shoulders.

When estimating how much to buy, figure 1/2 pound per person.

• You can shop for the best price on squash and potatoes well in advance of when you need them. Not only will you save money, you’ll also

PORK ROAST WITH APPLE CIDER Free of: DAIRY, EGGS, SOY, PEANUTS, TREE NUTS, FISH, SHELLFISH, WHEAT, GLUTEN Yield: 5-6 pound bone-in roast serves 8-10 Prep Time: 10 minutes CookTime: 5 ½ - 6 ½ hours

into a saucepan, heat to simmer. Add more cider or chicken broth if more gravy is needed. To thicken into a gravy, mix a few teaspoons cornstarch into some cold cider or chicken broth or water until dissolved.

Slowly stir into hot liquid, stirring continually until desired thickness.

5-6 pound pork shoulder, bone-in (larger or smaller as needed) 3 cups apple cider (or chicken broth, or a mix of each) Salt, pepper as needed Preheat oven to 450°. Lightly oil a roasting pan, or other pan deep enough to hold the roast and liquid (at least 2” deep). Place roast in pan, sprinkle with salt and pepper.

Pour apple cider in pan around the roast.

Place in 450° oven for 15 minutes, turn the roast and salt/pepper to the other side.

Return to the oven for another 15 minutes.

Remove pan from the oven – cover pan tightly (either with roaster cover or aluminum foil). Reduce heat to 300° (275° if convection oven). Cook for about 5 hours, until fall apart tender.

Drain pan drippings into a saucepan if serving the next day (then the fat will be solid and easy to skim off) or pour into a gravy separator and drain off the fat. Pour

54 WNY Family December 2023

MASHED POTATOES Free of: DAIRY, EGGS, SOY, PEANUTS, TREE NUTS, FISH, SHELLFISH, WHEAT, GLUTEN, VEGAN Yield: 10 servings Prep Time: 10 minutes CooK Time: 30 minutes 5 pounds red skin or Yukon gold potatoes, cut into 1” chunks (no need to peel) 2 sticks dairy/soy free margarine 1/2 cup hot water, more or less as needed Salt, pepper to taste Put potatoes into a large 6-quart pan, just covered with cold water. Add 1-2 tablespoons of salt to the water. Bring to a boil, cook for 20-30 minutes until a fork easily pierces the potatoes. Drain water. Put margarine into microwave safe cup or bowl with about 1/2 cup water. Heat about 1-2 minutes until margarine is melted. Mash potatoes, stir in melted margarine/water, salt and pepper to taste. If thinner potatoes are desired, add more hot water.

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save on last minute shopping stress.

Thick skinned squash, like acorn or butternut, store well. Keep them in a cool, (around 45-50 degrees) dry location, away from sunlight.

When selecting potatoes, choose ones that are firm, with no “eyes” (sprouts). Select thin skinned varieties, like red skin or Yukon gold, so you don’t have to peel the potatoes.

Buy squash that is firm, with smooth unblemished skin. This time of year, squash is abundant and affordable.

Butternut squash has a higher yield per pound, as the seeds are only in the bottom bulb portion, making them a great choice when feeding a group. Cut up squash should be used immediately, and will generally cost more than buying it whole.

Leftover pork can be shredded, and heated with barbeque sauce for pulled pork sandwiches.

ROASTED SQUASH Free of: DAIRY, EGGS, SOY, PEANUTS, TREE NUTS, FISH, SHELLFISH, WHEAT, GLUTEN, VEGAN Yield: 10 servings Prep Time: 10 minutes Cook Time: 45-60 minutes 3-4 pound squash, cut in half lengthwise and seeded 1/2 cup apple cider (or water) Salt, pepper Optional toppings: cinnamon, brown sugar, dairy/soy free margarine Preheat oven to 400°. Salt and pepper squash, place face down in baking pan.

Add 1/2 cup apple cider. Bake about 45-60 minutes until fork easily pierces skin. To serve, drizzle with cider drippings, sprinkle with toppings.

If you have any questions about our column, e-mail Kathy at allergy@roadrunner. com. For further information about food allergies, contact FARE at www.foodallergy.org, or call 1-800-929-4040.

Kathy Lundquist is a Western New York parent whose son, now an adult, was born with severe food allergies. Over the last two decades, she has worked tirelessly, in a variety of capacities, to increase community awareness about food allergies.

THE KIDDIE GOURMET

C

— by Barbara Blackburn

armine’s has moved since the last time our kids ordered from the kids’ menu; now half of the grandkids are ordering from it.

The Kids’ bill of fare at Carmine’s, with no mention of age restrictions, offers four choices for $8.00: Chicken Fingers w/Fries, Spaghetti w/Meatball, Mac’n Cheese, and Penne w/butter. The fun page menu has tic-tac-toe and a word search, including food words — pizza, pepperoni, spaghetti, garlic bread, sauce, mushrooms, and hoagie.

Carmine’s Italiano

7170 Transit Road Williamsville, NY 14221

716-636-3100 carminestogo.com

~ SPOONS ~ FOOD 5/5 SERVICE 5/5 FAMILY FRIENDLY 5/5

We visited during restaurant week and had a special deal from two of the regular menu items. My Spaghetti Parmesan ($27.99) was as good as another famous local Spaghetti Parm. This one, baked with ground beef, ricotta, red sauce, and topped with mozzarella, tasted divinely delicious. Let me tell you that the prices I’m quoting are from the restaurant menu and not what you find on the web page.

My preceding Pasta Fagioli was loaded with vegetables but no beans. I appreciate that Carmine’s doesn’t overload the soup with salt, like many restaurants. Flavor comes from aromatics.

A basket of very fresh Italian bread and special veggie butter was irresistible.

Chicken Piccata delighted Dad ($27.99) with its egg-battered garlic sauteed chicken, in lemony white wine, enhanced with capers, mushrooms, and artichoke hearts. This more than matched our expectations, as did the red-sauced penne on the side. He liked the preceding side salad with the house-made Italian Parmesan dressing. However, I think that the best salad always comes to the table stylishly dressed, wearing the dressing. A few upscale restaurants concur.

Pasta rules here, as in a signature dish — Al’s Fussili with Chicken

($29.99), joined by the pink vodka sauce, accented with Hungarian hot peppers, prosciutto and grilled chicken breast, and topped with Asiago cheese. I would bet that the chicken breast was as pleasingly tender as the one in the Piccata. That Pink Vodka sauce can be enjoyed in the Create Your Own Bowl, pick a pasta and a sauce. The “blush” — alfredo cream, prosciutto, plum tomato and vodka ($18.99) may lure me to return.

Another feature — in stand-out print on the menu — the Stuffed Eggplant Parmesan ($29.99) takes panfried cutlets, layers and stuffs them with ricotta cheese in their superb marinara sauce, with melted mozzarella, and a side of penne. Eggplant is always at it best when, in my opinion, not overly smothered, yet asserting itself as the star of the dish.

Dessert can vary. Ours was miniature chocolate chip cannolis. Maybe some citrus peel and pistachios would upscale what was already a delicious dessert.

Carmine’s spaciously refined yet simple decor enhanced the appetite for a meal as memorable as their music, consisting of some opera and appropriate dinner music that is kind to the ears.

Most important is the food filled with love. As Dean Martin sings, “That’s Amore”!

Barbara Blackburn has been happily writing The Kiddie Gourmet for over 35 years. She has two adult children and four grandchildren. She is a home instructor and community education cooking instructor for Williamsville Central Schools and is the 2023 recipient of Buffalo State Alumni Association Senior Service Award.

TWEENS & TEENS continued...

their parents. As parents, we sometimes lack the time, interest, or skills necessary to effectively listen to our teens.

Listening is not always easy, and sometimes the results may not be noticeable, but fostering an environment of caring about what your teen has to say is helpful. Even if it is about the latest basketball team or what someone said to someone else that made another girl cry, this environment will benefit both you and your teen.

For great tips on effective communication with teens, don’t miss the Focus on the Family series Parent-Teen Communication which can be found online at focusonthefamily.com/parenting/effectivecommunication.

6) Grace – This idea is one you won’t find many places, but I have found it to be one of the most important things to teach my teen. Teens today are growing up in a high-pressure society. AP courses, college, grad school, high-paying jobs all feel like necessities to make it in this great big busy world. Sometimes teens are so busy trying to be the best and to get ready for the next step that they are miserable.

Simple reminders and parent behavior make a big difference here. If the only things we ask about school have to do with grades, sports, and college applications we are showing our kids that those are the most important things. When they lose a game or get a low grade it suddenly becomes devastating. We have the power to change that.

My daughter came home one day upset about her math quiz grade. She was crying because she wanted it to be higher, to be better, to be perfect. After listening to her talk for a few minutes I asked one question: “Do you know what I got on my math quiz in 7th grade?”

She looked at me with wide eyes, eager to see how we measured up against one another. “No.” “Neither do I.” She may have rolled her eyes when I said this, but it showed her that it’s okay to let things go sometimes.

We need to give ourselves grace when we make mistakes. That is what enables us to learn well and move forward without anger or bitterness.

Look for ways you can teach your teen about grace today. It may mean the difference between a stressful meltdown and a small bump in the road.

And one final note, this idea of grace works for you, too. As parents, we want so much to get it right, but the truth is sometimes we will miss the mark. Give yourself grace in those moments and move forward. It’s worth it.

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56 WNY Family December 2023