Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa September 2021 by Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa

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September is one of the best months onth on hs off tthe he he year to ride, followed by April, M May, ay, ay y, Ju JJune, une ne, July, and August. Hell, I even di ddig ig ri riding idinngg in October, November, December, ber e, January, February, and even once ccee in a while in March. So, I guess ss I should say that SEPTEMBER R is my FAVORITE month to ride motorcycles. It is for many reasons, I guess. For one, the temperatures seem to be milder, and even some evenings that get cool o ol enough to throw on a leather jacket cke ket et and just listen to the engine roar arr and rack up the miles. Riding in September is also akin to the mindset that we know we are way closer to the end than the beginning of riding season. Before long it will be time to leave the two wheeled travel means parked more than riding, and that is a sad departure mentally. Just knowing that the end is close makes you appreciate it more every mile that you get to ride. September also brings a great change in the landscape of our great State of Iowa. The ﬁelds are turning and starting to get harvested. The landscape changes from summer into fall with many visual cues about the end of the season. Many of these changes are wonderful to look at and enjoy while running down the roads and take in the sights. I plan to take advantage of this time as best as I can, and even get in an Iron Butt type of ride yet this year. I always try to do at least one of them a year, and September seems to frequently be the month for such a ride. I do actually try to make it work throughout the year, but busy seems to happen and plans go awry many times. September brings the month of my birth, so then I can use that as an excuse the NEED to get one done and take a day oﬀ for a ride like this. This year for me marks one half a century on this planet, so I sure as hell think that I need to do a 1,000-mile ride again just to make sure I still have the ability to do so. I know that may be limited as well as far as how long I will be able to accomplish a feat like that, as doing that many miles in less than 24 hours in not for everyone. I will keep doing it for as long as I can though!

As far as everything else in the world as of today, try to help the places that you like to go stay open. I mean darken the doors of the places you like to spend money, hang out in, and trust with whatever you may be buying. I know it is easy as hell to throw something in the cart at Amazon and have it show up 2 days to 4 weeks later, but then I can damned well guarantee you that buying local from Iowa businesses will not have any of those owners taking trips into space for shits and giggles. The majority of Iowa business owners won’t be buying expensive yachts, vacation homes, and taking months of vacations each year, as they are hard-working souls that are doing what they do to make a living, hopefully while doing something they love. As supply chains continue to keep getting interrupted, it will be even more important for the local places to continue to do business and sell whatever they can get in order to make ends meet. Over the last year and a half or better, there have been way too many places that closed and were never able to open back up. That to me is entirely sad. Lives and livelihoods have been permanently altered. Things happen for a reason, but when bad things happen to good people because of bullshit greed, lies, misinformation, and bullshit, it shakes the foundation of what we live for in the United States of America. Let’s stand together to get through the bullshit and prevail in the end. Lock and load and protect those close to you. Ride Safe, Vernon Quote of the Month: “All the months are crude experiments, out of which the perfect September is made.” Virginia Woolf

On the Cover

In a non-descript garage somewhere, on another one of many black Road Glides, behind the lens of Mark Fountain we find the star of the show, Ms Kelsea Kay. This hottie that lives in SW Iowa can claim a winning grin, being a mom of two, and also some bragging rights of having a blue belt in Jujitsu. Thanks to Mark for getting us some nice shots of her with the motorcycle for our cover and calendar this month. Find more of his work at fountainphoto.zenfolio.com www.thunderroadsiowa.com 4 - TRMI SEPTEMBER 2021

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As this article is being penned - or probably more accurately, pecked we are frantically packing to leave for Sturgis in a few days.Yeah!!! This will be our 18th year attending. But first things first. I would like to pass on congratulations, appreciation and much respect to SOS Slider Gilmore on his lifetime achievement award presented at the recent National NCOM convention in Des Moines. It’s an honor much deserved. He and his brother Chaplain Chopper Charlie are huge assets not only to their club and NCOM but to the whole of the motorcycling community. Well done guys! The neat thing to think about is that as good as the awards and accolades are, it’s nothing in comparison to the rewards awaiting them and all the other believers upon entering heaven where they will hear from Jesus,” Well done my good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.” Getting back to Sturgis and our plans: Everything seems to conspire and clamor for our time and attention and it all needs to be done this week. Bikes need this: who is taking care of the dog; contractors and insurance guys coming to check hail storm damage to the roofs; dozer guy coming to look at the road; on and on. And don’t, whatever you do, read a newspaper or watch the news. Arrangements and plans change and we scramble to make it all work all the while the anxiety builds. At times like these I have to resist the urge to wear the dog’s storm shirt and have a hit of his traveling doggy Xanax. We all struggle with maintaining balance during rough times of restlessness and distractions. Whatever we are dealing with, what we all really need is a healthy dose of God’s peace in us, our families and friends lives. The Bible says to keep our minds stayed on the Lord and meditate on his word which in turn produces joy, peace, and freedom in our lives. It’s so hard but so important in the storms of life to trust in him even when it doesn’t seem to make sense. He may not immediately stop the stormy situation but he will be with us in the midst and use it for his purpose. So many of the things that we face and experience, we are not able to deliver ourselves from. In fact, it is a form of bondage to think that we can and actually in direct opposition to relying on God, which ultimately produces freedom and that peace we all so desperately crave. It’s good when we finally realize it’s not the strength of our faith but the strength of who our faith is in that really matters. Sometimes we may even have to experience significant traumatic events to unlock something good God wants for us. That’s where the faith and trust comes in. While we can’t be in denial about what’s happening around us we can deny the devil access to our minds. We need to remember we do have an enemy of our souls that wants to keep us in bondage. We need to remember that we will face opposition, but also, that we can’t screw life up beyond Jesus redemption and that we aren’t history until God says so. We can give our past failures and mess-ups to Jesus and 6 - TRMI SEPTEMBER 2021

go from victims to victorious. In the book of John, Jesus tells us “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled neither let it be afraid.” So be encouraged and encourage each other. Don’t surrender to the trouble, but surrender to Jesus. “Many are the afflictions of the righteous but God delivers. Peace; I have overcome the world”. Here’s hoping the rest of the ride season will be safe and blessed for you all. See you on the road somewhere. Blessings, Mark Mark and Karla Cornick are with the Christian Motorcyclists Association. Find out more about CMA and God’s plan for you at www.cmausa.org

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Heartland Harley-Davidson The Biker Friendly Business Directory is a list of establishments 117 S Roosevelt Ave throughout Iowa that sponsor the Burlington, IA 52601 magazine. You can pick up your 319-754-1100 copy here every month. Let them www.heartlandhd.com know that you saw them in TRMI. If your business would like to Indian Motorcycle of Des Moines advertise in Thunder Roads Iowa 1500 E Army Post Road Biker Friendly Business Listing and Des Moines, Iowa 50315 become a part of the network, 515-256-9062 please email Indianmotorcycleofdesmoines.com vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com

Biker Accessories Crispy’s Biker Apparel Cedar Rapids, Iowa Find Us On Facebook

Indian Motorcycle of Mason City Mason City Powersports 12499 265th Street Mason City 641-423-3181 Masoncitypowersportsinc.com

Leather & Hawgs 121 1st Street Soldier, Iowa leather@wiatel.net (712) 884-2701 www.leatherandhawgs.com

Dealers Baxter Cycle 311 4th Street Marne, Iowa 51552 712-781-2351 www.baxtercycle.com Big Barn Harley-Davidson 81 NW 49th Place Des Moines, Iowa 50313 515-265-4444 www.bigbarnhd.net Carroll Cycle Center 1327 Plaza Dr Carroll, Iowa 712-792-1610 www.carrollcycle.com

Loess Hills Harley-Davidson 57408 190th Street Pacific Junction IA 51561 712-800-3500 loesshillshd.com Metro Harley-Davidson 2415 Westdale Drive SW Cedar Rapids, Iowa 52404 319-362-9496 www.metro-motorsports.com Route 65 Harley-Davidson 1300 S Jefferson Way Indianola, Iowa 50125 515.962.2160 www.route65hd.net Storm Lake Honda 3040 Expansion Blvd Storm Lake, Iowa 50588 StormLakeHonda.com 712-732-2460 Zylstra Harley-Davidson 1930 E 13th Street Ames, Iowa 50010 515-232-6223 zylstrahd.com

Entertainment Book Em Dano’s 33 S Main Street Denison, Iowa 51442 712-263-9818 Mon-Sat 4-2 Dancers Nightly 5-1:30 National Motorcycle Museum 102 Chamber Drive Anamosa, Iowa 52205 319-462-3925 Nationalmcmuseum.org Okoboji Classic Cars Museum and Restoration Shop 810 Jeppeson Road West Okoboji, Iowa 51351 712-332-8029

Food and Drink

(Popular Poker & Fun Run Locations)

American Legion Post 111 1101 W 4th Street S Newton 641-792-3353 Open to the Public 7 Days a Week Newtonamericanlegion111.org Amigo’s 280 North 1st Street Fort Dodge, Iowa 50501 515-576-0142 Amigos Bar & Restaurant on FB Bea’s Place 108 N Main St Baxter 641-227-2080 Check Us Out on Facebook Food, Live Music, Bike Nights Bloodline Irish Pub 214 Public Square Greenfield, Iowa 50849 Bloodline Irish Pub on Facebook

Edwards Motorsports and RV’s 1010 34th Avenue Council Bluffs, Iowa 51501 712-366-8400

Catfish Charlie’s On the Mississippi River 1630 E. 16th Street Dubuque, IA 52001 (563)582-8600 www.CatfishCharliesDubuque.com Desperados 105 E 5th Street Atlantic 712-243-7087 Home of Cold Beer, Good Times, Pizza & Wings Firehouse Bar 1211 5th Street Downtown Sioux City, IA 712-224-1020 Open Daily at 12:00 Flaming Office 201 W High Street Toledo 641-484-2255 Outdoor Patio, Happy Hour 5-7 Flaming Office on Facebook & Google Goozman’s Westside Bar & Grill 1019 7th St Harlan, Iowa 712-755-2259 Goozman’s Westside on Facebook Haverhill Social Club 202 1st Street Haverhill, Iowa 50120 641-475-3321 Tues-Sat 10-2, Sun 12-12 Hawk Heaven Tavern 805 17th St SW Altoona, Iowa 50009 Happy Hour 4p-6p Every Day HawkHeavenTavern on Facebook Iowa Legendary Rye 707 N Main Street Carroll, Iowa 51401 Iowalegendaryrye.com J.R. Willie’s Gateway to the Beautiful Hill Country Colesburg, IA 563-856-5095 Open Daily Mon-Sun 11AM Home of the Willie Whopper

fullthrottleia.com or edwardsrvs.com

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Just 1 More 515-570-4206 641-757-0159 309 Railway Jamaica, Iowa 50128

Sandbar 103 North Noyes Street Mondamin, Iowa 51557 712-646-2300 Facebook Sandbar Mondamin

KC’s Tavern 120 N Main Street Bridgewater, Iowa 50837 Mon-Fri 4:30-Close, Sat-Sun 2-Close Find Us on FB 641-369-5010

Sidetracked 206 West Union Street Creston, Iowa 50801 641-782-8534

Mi Casa Family Restaurant 512 Market Street Harlan, Iowa 51537 712-755-2258 Enjoy Drinks at the Full Bar! Midway Tavern 206 1st Street Soldier, Iowa 712-884-2230 www.midwaytavernsoldier.com Montgomery Street Pub 207 East Montgomery Street Creston, Iowa 50801 641-782-2165 Papa Joe’s 117 South 6th Street Missouri Valley, Iowa 51555 712-642-9015 Pearl Street Social Club 110 Pearl Street SW Shellsburg, Iowa 52332 319-436-7100 Find Us On Facebook!

Stumpy’s Bar & Grill 423 Main Street Duncombe, Iowa 50532 515-543-4222 Stumpy’s Bar & Grill on Facebook Sugar’s Diner & Lounge 2725 E Kanesville Blvd Council Bluffs, Iowa 712-322-3600 Check us out on Facebook The Exchange 171 S Elm Street Avoca, Iowa 51521 712-343-2609 Lang’s Pizza, Cold Beer, Sports The Full Nelson 205 West 2nd Street Halbur, Iowa 51444 712-658-2425 The Full Nelson on Facebook The Garage 621 K45 Whiting, Iowa 51063 (712)420-5895 Facebook The Garage

Twisted Corn Tavern 1405 Walnut Street Dallas Center, Iowa 50063 515-992-3868 Twisted Corn Tavern on Facebook

VFW Post 9662 Bar and Grill 1309 NE 66th Ave Des Moines 515 - 289 - 9914 and Facebook Vic’s Main Tap 304 Broadway Audubon, Iowa 50025 712-563-2122 Opens M-F 2-Close, Sat 9-Close, Sun 12-Close

Insurance & Financial O’Malley Wealth Mgmt. 5623 NW 86th Street Suite 400 Johnston, Iowa 50131 515-490-0930 State Farm Clark Ahrenholtz, Agent NMLS# 1679997 2114 12th Street Harlan, Iowa 712-755-5724 Clark.ahrenholtz.jb69@statefarm.com

Legal

Whiskey Barrel Pub and Eatery 112 E Jefferson Street Prairie City, Iowa 50228 515-630-9639 Whiskey Barrel Pub and Eatery on FB

Hupy and Abraham sc, pc Lawyers for Bikers 800.800.5678 Hupy.com

Wilson’s Tap and Recreation 1008 Story Street Boone, Iowa 50036/ 515-433-1395

TheBikerLawyers.com The Biker Lawyers, P.C. Riding & Defending Your Rights for Over 30 Years 877-209-9452

Guns and Ammo

Photo and Art

JLM Shooters Supply 6931 Douglas Avenue Urbandale, Iowa 50322 jlmshooterssupply@gmail.com 515-331-1577

Halls Cast Stone 25211 Monarch Trail Bloomfield, Iowa 52537 641-777-8027 www.hallscaststone.com

Pines Steakhouse Oinkers Lounge & Grill

1500 E 7th Street Atlantic, Iowa 50022 712-243-3606 M-F 11AM-, S-S 4PMRiverside Tavern 450 E Main St Lehigh, Iowa 50557 515-359-9998 Email:riversidetap@gmail.com

The Place2B! 116 N. Federal Ave Mason City, IA 50401 M-F 3p-2a S-S 2p-2a Find Us On Facebook The Yankee Clipper 312 SW Maple St Ankeny, Ia 50023 515-964-9484 yankeeclipperbar.com

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Hobbies & Collectibles Treasure Island Diecast/Facebook Hot Wheels, M2, Matchbox, Jada Ertl, Lightning, Harley, Maisto Buy-Sell-Trade 641-521-8036 rayaustinhd@gmail.com

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Ullrich Photography PO Box 1842 Clinton, Iowa 52733 563-243-8715 www.natanic.com

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Shops & Fabricators Butterfield’s M.C. Parts 8025 Blondo Street Omaha, NE 68134 402-391-3768 Chuck’s Cycle Service and Repair S&S and Drag Specialties Dealer 714 East 7th Street Washington, Iowa52353 319-461-5278

Cycle Clinic 2209 ML King Pkwy Des Moines, Iowa 50314 cycleclinicdm.com 515-288-6954 F & J Racing 701 N 3rd Ave Marshalltown, Iowa 50158 641-752-8651 www.fandjracing.com

Mean Machine Cycle Parts Elkhart, Iowa 50073 Stereos, Bars, LED Lights, Air Ride Mon-Fri 9-6, Sat 9-12 515-367-7336

Steffens Cycle and Detailing 1311 E 7th Street Atlantic, Iowa 50022 712-250-8493 steffenscycle@gmail.com

Motorcycle Medic 3176 Highway 30 Woodbine, Iowa 51579 712-647-2818 Open Tues-Sat Noon-6PM

Thunder Road Cycles 4106 Rockingham Rd Davenport, Iowa 52802 563-323-3172 Thunder Road Cycles on Facebook

Nelson Machine & Forge General Machining, Ornamental Iron, Weld/Fab 70 Washington Street Marne, Iowa 51552 712-781-2220 Road Rage BikeWorks 401 High Street Avoca, Iowa 51521 712-307-6111 Road Rage BikeWorks on Facebook

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Tires Sandbothe Firestone 1106 Main Street Griswold, Iowa 51535 712-778-2223 Sandbothe Firestone on Facebook

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Trailers Lacaeyse Trailer Sales 4192 HWY 146 Grinnell Trailers & Truck Accessories 641-990-2674 www.lacaeysetrailers.com

SHOP EQUIPMENT Shop Tools Outlet Powersport / Auto Lift Supplier Marshalltown, IA 50158 888-288-6657 www.shoptoolsoutlet.com

To buy ad space for your business or service in our directory, give us call at 712-249-5630 or email vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com

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Lisa Solberg Moorhead 2006 Suzuki Marauder VZ800

Cathy Presley Pleasant Hill 2016 Harley Davidson FLRT

We want you on our pages! If you are an Iowa Girl of Thunder, send us a quality image, your name, year and model of bike, and where you are from to: vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com

Jamie Mills Council Bluffs 2010 Heritage www.thunderroadsiowa.com www.thunderroadsiowa.com 18 - TRMI SEPTEMBER 2021

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Plaza Azteca 313 Chestnut Street Atlantic, Iowa 50022 712-250-8647 Monday – Thursday: 11AM to 9PM Friday and Saturday: 11AM to 10PM

Plaza Azteca is an unassuming storefront in downtown Atlantic that I have often passed by. If only I had known what lay beyond the front door, I would have stopped by much sooner. Our good friends Mike and Millette invited us along for supper one early summer night, and I am completely unashamed to say we have been back three times since. The restaurant is always busy and bustling with the sounds of happy customers, and ﬁlled with delicious smells of homemade Mexican cuisine. Each time upon entering we are warmly greeted and quickly seated. As soon as we sit down, we are given a basket of warm, salty tortilla chips accompanied by a bowl of fresh salsa and a plate of cabbage salsa that is the best I have ever eaten. Once situated our waitstaﬀ promptly takes drink orders and returns with delicious, perfectly sweet and sour margaritas. I thought the lime margarita was wonderful….and then upon the recommendation of our waitress, we tried the blackberry margarita…perfection in a glass. When you visit Plaza Azteca, order the blackberry margarita. This is not optional; it is a direct order…BLACKBERRY MARGARITA! 22 - TRMI SEPTEMBER 2021

So, now that we know what you need to drink, lets talk vittles. We have eaten Pollo Azado, Carne Azada, Pork Carnitas, and Carne Azada Mojo to name a few. There are so many mouthwatering menu items to choose from, I wish you the best of luck in making a timely decision. The Pollo Azado is a perfectly grilled, seasoned chicken breast served up with grilled seasonal vegetables, rice, and olla beans. The dish is presented with warm tortillas on the side as well. The olla beans with this dish are tender and flavorful, a tasty alternative to the regular refried version of pinto beans I usually have. Carne Azada consists of tender marinated slices of flank steak grilled over charcoal. Tortillas in your choice of flour or corn, rice and beans on the side, and a serving of guacamole to round out the meal. Pork Carnitas is always a favorite in the Schwarte house, and Plaza Azteca does not disappoint on this dish either. Chunks of tender boneless pork sauteed with bell pepper, onion, and tomatoes arrives with sides of rice and beans, Pico de Gallo, and guacamole. The carnitas is perfectly seasoned and almost melts in your mouth. The Carne Azada Mojo is a variation of the traditional Carne Azada, just kicked up a notch or two to include several charbroiled shrimp and grilled green onions. The menu at Plaza Azteca contains a list of vegetarian, chicken, seafood, and egg dishes as well. There is also a number of “combination” meals to choose from as well as burgers, burritos, and soups. Whether you choose to go light, or decide to founder yourself into a food coma, Plaza Azteca can surely help you out. Don’t forget they have desert as well, if you have a hankering for something sweet before you leave. Do yourself a favor and swing into Plaza Azteca. Stellar customer service, topped by outstanding food makes this trip worth your time, every time. And don’t forget to tell them that Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa sent you! Melanie J Schwarte If you have a WRTE location for us to visit, please let me know at Melanie@thunderroadsiowa.com

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Jim, Scott and Alex are tired after traveling all day and check into a hotel. When they get to reception, they find out they’ll have to walk 75 flights of stairs to get to their room because the elevator is out of order. Jim suggests that they do something interesting to pass time while they walk the 75 flights. Jim will tell jokes, Scott will sing songs, and Alex will tell sad stories. So, Jim tells jokes for 25 flights, Scott sings songs for 25 flights and Alex tells sad stories for 24 flights. When they reach the 75th floor, Alex tells his saddest story of all, “Guys, I left our room key at reception.” Two mental patients were walking next to a swimming pool. One jumped into the pool and the other jumped in to save him. Their doctor saw the rescue and called the rescuer to his office. “Due to your actions, it appears your mental state is fine,” the doctor said to the patient, “You can go home to your family, but before you do, you should know that the person you saved hung himself today.” The patient replied, “He didn’t hang himself; I hung him there to dry.” A cowboy goes down to the stable, lifts his horse’s tail, and plants a kiss smack dab on the horse’s butthole. Another cowboy sees this and yells, “What the hell are you doing?” He replies, “I’ve got chapped lips.” The other cowboy asks, “Does that help?” “Nope,” he answers, “It just keeps me from licking them.” One day in class, the teacher brought a bag full of fruit and said, “Now class, I’m going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit and you tell me which fruit I’m talking about. Alright, the first one is round, plump, and red. Little Johnny raised his hand high but the teacher ignored him and picked Deborah who promptly answered, “Apple.” The teacher replied, “No Deborah, it’s a beet, but I like your thinking. Now the second one is soft, fuzzy and colored red and brown.” Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him but she calls on Billy. “Is it a peach?” Billy asks. “No, it’s a potato, but I like your thinking,” the teacher replies. “Okay the next one is long, yellow, and fairly hard.” Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically but the teacher calls on Sally who say, “A banana.” The teacher responds, “No, it’s a squash, but I like your thinking.” Johnny is irritated now so he speaks up loudly, “Hey, I’ve got one for you teacher. Let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I’ve got it. Its round, hard, and it’s got a head on it.” “Johnny!” she cries, “That’s disgusting!” “Nope,” answers Johnny, “It’s a quarter, but I like your thinking!” A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, “I’ve got to take you in pal. You’re obviously drunk.” The wasted man asked, “Officer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?” “Yeah buddy, I’m sure,” said the cop, “Let’s go.” Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, “Thank goodness. I thought I was crippled.”

Why don’t blondes like to make Kool-Aid? oll-Ai Aid? Ai d? n They can’t fit 8 quarts of water in that tiny little packet. A man is in court on trial. The judge says, “On the 3rd August, you were accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with h a hammer, how do you plead?” ?”” “Guilty”, said the man in the dock. k. Another man at the back of the he courtroom stands up and shouts, “You You dirty rat!” The judge asks the man n to to sit siit down and to refrain from making ng any any noise. The judge then continues, “...and and aalso lso ls o on the 17th September you are accused cu useed of killing your son by beating him to o death with a hammer, how do you plead?” “Guilty,” says the man in the dock. Again the same man at thee back stands up and shouts even louder, oude ou der, de r, “You dirty rotten stinking rat!” A Att th this is point the Judge calls the loud man n tto o th thee bench and says, “I have already asked d you tto be quiet. If you continue with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with contempt of court. I can understand your feelings, but what relationship do you have with this man?” He replies, “He is my next door neighbor.” The judge replies, “I can understand your feelings then, but you must refrain from any comments.” The man replied “No, your honor, you don’t understand. Twice I have asked if I could borrow a hammer, and BOTH TIMES he said he didn’t have one!” What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? No ballroom. Two guys are driving down 5th Avenue in Manhattan when they come up to a red light. The guy driving slams the gas pedal and they go zooming past the red light. His friend looks at him and says, “Hey, you just went through a red light.” The guy driving says, “Don’t worry about it. My brother does it all the time.” So they keep driving and they come to a second red light. The guy driving slams on the gas pedal and zooms past another red light. His friend is pretty mad, looks at him and says, “Hey man, you just went through another red light. What the heck are you doing?” The guy driving tells his friend, “Don’t worry about it. My brother does this all the time.” They come to a third red light and the guy driving slams on the gas, zooming past the red light. His friend starts screaming at him, “What the heck? You’re going to get us killed! Pull over and let me out.” The guy driving screams back at him, “I’m telling you: don’t worry about it. My brother, he does it all the time.” So they keep driving and they come to a green light. The guy driving slams on the brakes. His friend looks at him and says, “Are you out of your mind? What the heck is wrong with you? You go flying past three red lights, almost getting us killed, and then you slam on the brakes when you have a green light?” The guy driving looks at his friend and says, “I had to stop; my brother might have been coming.”

How I learned to mind my own business: I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and I could hear all the patients shouting, “13! 13! 13!” The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on. Someone poked me in the eye with a stick! Then they all started shouting, “14! 14! Why did the dyslexic agnostic with insomnia stay up 14!” all night? She was wondering if there really is a dog. 28 - TRMI SEPTEMBER 2021

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A farmer wrote a letter to his son in jail for robbing a bank: “This year, I can’t plant potatoes because you are not here to plow the field.” The son wrote back, “Papa, don’t dare plow the field. That is where I hid the money I stole.” The police intercepted the letter and by the next day they’d dug up the entire field but found nothing. The son wrote to his father, “Now you can plant your potatoes.” A midget with a lisp goes to a farmer to buy a horse. He looks over the horse to inspect it, and says to the farmer, “I’d like to sthee its teeth.” So the farmer picks him up to give him a view of the teeth. Then, the midget says, “I’d like to sthee its ears.” Again, the farmer picks him up to view the horses ears. Then the midget says, “I’d like to sthee its twat.” “Excuse me?” says the farmer. The midget says, “I’d like to sthee its twat.” So the farmer picks him up and shoves his head up the horse’s twat. The midget’s legs are flailing violently, and he’s screaming in there, so the farmer pulls him out and puts him down. The midget looks at the farmer and says, “I think I’ll rephrase that, I’d like to sthee it run.” Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Mexican. They get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, “What do you want on your back for your whipping?” The German responds, “I will take oil!” They put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him 10 times. When he is finished, the German has huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move. The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, “What do you want on your back?” “I will take nothing!” says the Mexican, and he stands there straight and takes his 10 lashings without a single flinch. “What will you take on your back?” the Amazons ask the American. “I’ll take the Mexican.” Two judges were stumbling home from their local pub, arms around each other, loudly singing Kenny Rodgers. “Hey,” said one, “I think we’re drunk.” “You are right, and according to the law I will have to charge you with being drunk and disorderly,” said his mate. “And you will have to appear before me at 10AM tomorrow,” said the first. Next morning in court, the first pleaded guilty to the charge and was fined $10. They then switched places. “Drunk and disorderly, eh? You are fined $20.” “Hey,” protested the first, “When I was in was in chair I only fined you $10!” “Yes,” said the second judge, “But the offence is becoming too common. You are the second drunk to appear before the court this morning.” Why do Chinese people have Chinese babies? Because two Wongs don’t make a white. An old woman is sitting in a rocking chair on her porch, petting her cat Foo Foo. A fairy appears and says, “I’m here to grant you three wishes.” The old woman says, “I wish I was twenty years old and beautiful again.” Poof! She is. “Now I wish I had a million dollars and this old house was a mansion.” Poof! Done. “And now I wish that Foo Foo was the handsomest man ever and deeply in love with me.” Poof! Suddenly she’s in the arms of a gorgeous man. He kisses her and says, “Darling, aren’t you sorry you had me fixed?” An Italian, a Mexican, and a redneck construction worker were sitting on top of their construction site during their lunch break. When the Italian opened his lunch, he said, “Dammit! If I get spaghetti again, I’mma gonna jump off this building anda kill myself.” The Mexican opened his lunch and said, “Dammit! If I get tacos again, I’m going to jump off this building and kill myself.” The redneck also opened his lunch and said, “Dammit! If I get another damn hamburger, I’m gonna jump off this building and kill myself.” The next day they all got the same thing in their lunchboxes and killed themselves. At the funeral, the three widows were at the graves crying. The Italian widow said, “I’m so sad because I forgot to pack him something else!” The Mexican widow sobbed, “I did the same thing!” The redneck’s wife said, “That damn idiot packed his own lunch!” Thunder Roads Magazine of Iowa on Facebook

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You must carry your papers! You must show proof. Instead of carrying paperwork, how about a forearm tattoo with a number? Wait, you mean that was already tried at one point? Oh, we all know that was done for some really shitty reasons, but where does all this madness stop!? Dammit, it’s a Friday, I should be in a good mood. Several of my friends are headed to Sturgis as I write this. I am not. No trip this year and it’s got nothing to do with why I am Here we are in the last month of summer. The last truly warm month for Hawkeye state residents, Midwesterners cranky either, it’s this virus crap, I just can’t deal anymore. Why do I need to tell you if I have the shot to do whatever, in general. After this it’s pretty much over. Oh, sure we can’t you tell by the microchip they inserted? Isn’t there get some super warm October days where summer says HEY BITCH! WE AIN’T’ DONE. So, we shed the leath- just a goddamn app I can plug in on my phone? Do we put ers, hit a small-town bar, grab some wings, get sucked into gold stars on our house now, so people know we are safe? a football game only to ride home after dark, freaking out I put an upside-down pineapple, I thought that was the for deer and freezing our giblets oﬀ because our bodies are symbol that we are just letting anybody screw up, I was wrong, wickedly wrong about that one. not adjusted to colder temps yet. I mean, on a 50 degree fall day we are shivering our asses oﬀ, 50 in February and Here is what I wanted to talk about. it’s damn near Speedo weather.

No Worries, it is only Freedom

But here is this article, for the September issue of this award-winning magazine and as I bang the keyboard on my Samsung Chrome book on a Friday afternoon, I am really freaking torn on what direction I need to go with this. Then, I figured out on a Friday I am busting my nerts on a laptop, past the deadline for the boss of bosses only to come to the understanding that my Friday low drinking light is fully lit and I am wondering if a cocktail might help the words bleed out of my fingers at an accelerated pace knowing full well that the boss of bosses has shit to do, needs me to be finishing this month’s tome and get it to him so he can put this issue to bed and get on doing the stuff he needs to do, which is likely involving burning some dino juice in his bike and smelling the dog days of summer air. OH yea, the late summer early fall riding air, it’s simply the best isn’t it. But that leads us to this article and the issue I am having. I mean, I love September riding, I simply adore that time of the year. But will we even be able to get out and embrace it. Let’s face it, I am pissed right now, pissed about the whole goddamn Covid 19 bullshit to the point I can’t even think clearly any longer. I am just over it. We all know the drill, two weeks to flatten. Well, no, we mean everybody mask up, well, okay, we need you to get a shot, two, then you are good to go. Wait, it’s back, you know those masks that didn’t do shit before, get those out again, oh you got a shot? We need proof for you to attend this concert, sports ball event, classroom, walk into the warehouse, condition of employment and on and on and freaking on!

Wait, dammit I think I am going to need that drink now, I am all fired up, even though the boss of bosses sent me a text earlier that said, “Don’t Worry Be Happy”. I think he was slipped a gummy bear from the Rocky Mountain region, a bit of a character to say the least. Where was I? Oh yea…September. Look, here is the deal that I pound into my own head, the riding season is winding down and it’s time to focus on enjoying those fleeting moments, after all, much of our life is spent chasing those fleeting moments, it’s what gets our asses moving to get things done so we can do what we love to do and that’s swing a leg over a bike, stand up, clutch out and throttle twisting. It to many of us is the very essence of the spiritual cleansing our soul needs. But as I think about this, by the time this hits the pages of the award winning magazine, will we even be allowed to ride down our favorite twisted road, hit our special dive bar for wings and a beer, get our friends together for a day trip, plan a leaf ride, chase that fleeting end of summer sunsets that just look so special as the landscapes and crops come to the end of the growing season? We know it’s still summer, we can still feel it’s sting on our skin. But at the same time autumn’s time is just around the corner playing peekaboo with our days. Are we locked down? Are we mandated to only be in public with our tattoos? I mean papers…showing we are inoculated against the virus? Can we enjoy what we love to do and chase that summer fleeting sun? Hell, I don’t have a time machine, but I am not betting on many freedoms being around by the time this is over.

I am not going to go down the path of the vaccine, I don’t care if you do. I know what I think and that is what matters I’ll just put that pineapple upside down again and see what happens. to me. Remember how cool life was when nobody gave two shits on stuﬀ like that. Good times. Good times. Todd “Crash” Davis 30 - TRMI SEPTEMBER 2021

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We had the opportunity to make a flying trip out to the Black Hills area the first weekend in August this year. It was only a couple of days of being away, but it was a much-needed break from the regular day to day operations around here. While out enjoying the sights South Dakota, we decided that we would check out the motorcycle show at the Buffalo Chip that was put on by Michael Lichter. We got to the show entitled “More Mettle: Motorcycles and Art that Never Quit” named so because the Motorcycles as Art exhibit was all about legendary builders and artists of two wheeled devices that have never given up on their passion. The show was an invitational, with bikes for the show being built for this show as a first viewing by the public. It was pretty cool to be able to meet and chat with some of the builders, as these guys are many of the survivors in the industry. Requirements for the builders are that they must have completed at least 20 custom builds and have done so while being in business at least 20 years. The dozens of builders got to put together rides of a style of their own choosing with no limitations of a theme, so the field was varied for sure with a ton of different styles of rides. It ended up being a great evening after drooling over some cool rides, chatting it up with some old friends, and making some new ones. Cannot wait to see what the builders come up with for the show next year! Vernon

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Wednesday

Saturday

Back Forty Bike Night at the Barn Des Moines (2nd Wednesday May-September) Bea’s Place Baxter Cruise Night Britt (3rd Wed Jul-Sep) The OP Clear LakePete & Shorty’s Clarksville The Sports Page Mason City (Every other starts May 26th) Supper Rides Harley-Davidson of Carroll (,6-16, 7-21) Dinner Rides Zylstra Harley-Davidson Ames

Thursday Edwards Bikes on the Hundred Block Council Bluﬀs (3rd Thursday) Roar Into Harlan (3rd Thursdays) Stumpy’s Bar & Grill Duncombe Wild Hogs Saloon & Eatery Walford (3rd Thursday) Metro HD Cedar Rapids (2nd Thursday May-Sep) Harley-Davidson of Carroll (6-10, 7-8) East of Omaha Bike Night Griswold (1st Thurs May-Aug)

Viking Customs Bike Night Atlantic (Last Sat Apr-Sep) Happenings Bar Steamboat Rock (3rd Saturday May-Sep)

Sunday Just 1 More Jamaica (Starting in May) Road Rage Fun Run at The Exchange Avoca (4th Sunday May-Sep) The Tama Pump (Sunday June-September) St Charles Bike Night The Talk Shop Lounge St Charles (2nd Sunday except Aug) This list is what we have found and what has been submitted. Before heading to any event, please check weather and make sure the event is not cancelled. Not responsible for misprints and typos. If you have any other events to list, please email vernon@thunderroadsiowa.com

Friday Centerville Bike Nights (4th Friday May-Aug) R Place Pub & Pizza Kelley (2nd Friday May-Sep) Friday Night Bikes Prairie City Bike Night (3rd Friday Apr-Sep) Bondurant Bike Night at the Rails (4th Friday Apr-Sep) Hawk Heaven Tavern Altoona (1st Friday May-Aug) Pella Bike Night (2nd Friday May-Sep) American Legion Post 232 Polk City (2nd Fri May-Sep) Bloodline Irish Pub Greenﬁeld (Last Friday) Thunder Nites Newton (2nd Friday Jul-Sep) Mean Machine Grub Run Elkhart (1st Friday)

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2021 Aug 28 Aug 28 Aug 28 Aug 28 Aug 28 Aug 28 Aug 28 Aug 28 Sep 2-4 Sep 2-5 Sep 4 Sep 4 Sep 4 Sep 3-6 Sep 9 Sep 11 Sep 11 Sep 11 Sep 11 Sep 12 Sep 12 Sep 17-19 Sep 17-18 Sep 18 Sep 18

Sep 18 Sep 19 Sep 19 B.A.C.A. of Iowa Fun Run Cherokee Sep 19 ALR Run Council Bluffs 22 Veterans Suicide Awareness Association 6th Year Poker Run 23-26 Sep 25 Council Bluffs Cruising for a Cure (Cystic Fibrosis) Metro HD Cedar Rapids Sep 25 Kayla Jones Memorial Scholarship Ride Fort Dodge Sep 26 6th Annual Chrome for Kids Raffle & Ride Cedar Rapids Oct 7-10 Roofs 4 Vets 2021 Dubuque Oct 8-9 Baldies Charity Event Sioux City Oct 9 Antique Motorcycle Swap Meet Davenport Redneck Revival Rally (Over 21) Conesville Oct 15-17 Heid Ride Metro HD Cedar Rapids Oct 29-30 Hot Rods & Hot Bikes Bike, Car, Truck Show LHHD Pacific Junction Shooters Poker Run Anita 23rd Annual Midway Tavern Labor Day Rally & Soldier Firefighter Fundraiser Soldier Metro Motor Madness 620 Foundation Motorcycle Drawing Metro HD Cedar Rapids Mean Machine “Smalltown Throwdown” Burnouts & Stereo Comp Elkhart Miles for Smiles Poker Run Sioux City Patriot Day 20th Anniversary Ride Des Moines Defiant Souls MC Old School Bike Show & Rodeo Muscatine Motorcycle Hill Climb Anamosa HD of Carroll Best Ball Scramble Golf Tournament Carroll Rumble in the Sand September Conesville 31st Annual End of Summer Rally Keosauqua Second Brigade MC Annual Remembrance Run dedicated to Don “Moose” Kirchner Ottumwa 9th Annual BOCA Ride Cedar Rapids

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Route 65 HD BBQ Open House Indianola Concours de Cornfield Earlham 620 Foundation Golf Tournament Metro HD Cedar Rapids Hot Dog Daze Butterfields Motorcycle Parts Omaha, NE Sep 44th Annual Iowa BMW Motorcycle Rally Elkader 8th Annual End of Summer Poker Run and Party CFMC Clubhouse Cedar Rapids 2nd Annual Suicide Awareness Run Decatur, NE Rumble to Recovery Metro HD Cedar Rapids Swap Meet/Flea Market Autumn Conesville Iron Invasion Davenport 9th Annual Gentleman Campaign Benefit Motorcycle Ride Cedar Rapids Cash in the Corn Drags & Halloweenie Party Conesville Halloween Spooktacular Big Barn HD Des Moines

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