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to the 4-Year Degree
Transgender Teens How Do You Feel About Swearing? VOL. 9 ISSUE 3 JAN-FEB. 2017 $ 3.95
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The 3-year accelerated bachelor’s degree program allows you to get in, get focused, and get on your feet quickly in your chosen field of study. Hiram guarantees you can get the classes you need for a 3-year degree when you need them, and allows you to save almost $26,000 over the cost of a 4-year degree. Graduating early also means starting your career faster. According to CollegeScorecard, Hiram grads earn an average income of $37,000 – so, when combined with decreased tuition, the total financial impact may be $63,000 or more. Hiram 3-year programs won’t be all work and no play. Hiram students can find time to play a sport, join clubs and fully experience campus life. Students are also guaranteed the opportunity to complete an internship, guided research project or study abroad trip. And, since tuition is guaranteed to stay the same for all three-years with Hiram’s Tuition Guarantee, there are no unhappy surprises!
CHOOSE FROM 20 DEGREES: • Accounting and Financial Management • Art (Studio) • Art History • Biology • Biomedical Humanities • Chemistry • Communication • Computer Science • Educational Studies • English • French • History • Integrative Exercise Science • Management • Music • Political Science • Psychology • Sociology • Spanish • Theatre
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30 CONTENTS 30 ANNUAL COLLEGE ISSUE
Alternative Paths to the Four Year Degree
36 Teen Speak: I Took a
8
Bulletin Board
8 #ParentHack 11 “Stop Doing That!” 11 Stats
12 Product Picks 14 In a Minute
14 It’s Mr. Smith to You! 15 So, You Screwed Up First Semester 17 Recipe: Asian Chicken Lettuce Wraps
44 One Small Change
The Power of Telling Your Own Story
46 Tech Talk
Is Technology Killing Creativity?
48 Money Matters
Why Everyone’s Teenager Should Help Pay for College
19 In the Spotlight
Q&A with Debby Irving, author of Waking Up White
22 Family Matters Swearing
24 Book Review
Echo by Pam Muñoz Ryan
27
p.
51 Tween Talk
22
Why Won't My Tween Talk to Me?
16 Move Out Skills
How to Take Care of Yourself When You’re Sick
Different Path
52
Hot Topics
Interview with ESPN’s Hannah Storm
56 Small Stuff
The Clothing Wars
58 Snapshot
p.
My Son is a Tech Addict
60 All About Me
17
Modern Family
Single Parenting
38 Crossroads
Transgender Teenagers
42 Ask the Doctor
Is it a Cold? Or an Allergy?
A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS
Moms, Have You Considered a Career in Nursing? p. 25
Presented by Central School of Practical Nursing
COVER PHOTO: BETH SEGAL
YOUR TEEN
| JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2017
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January-February 2017 Volume 9, Issue 3
For boys, grades K-12
Responsibility, Loyalty, Consideration University School opens doors to exciting possibilities, to new ways of thinking,
PUBLISHER & CHIEF REVENUE OFFICER
Stephanie Silverman PUBLISHER & EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
Susan R. Borison EDITORIAL EDITORIAL MANAGER
Diana Simeon SENIOR EDITOR
and to enduring relationships that
Jane Parent
will stand the test of time.
Laura Putre
COPY EDITOR
PROOFREADER
Jessica Semel
SALES
Lisa Golovan, Shari Silk CONTROLLER
Lisa Lindenberg
CREATIVE CREATIVE DIRECTOR
Meredith Pangrace PHOTOGRAPHER
Beth Segal
WEB CONTENT WEB CONTENT EDITOR
Mindy Gallagher
CIRCULATION CIRCULATION SPECIALIST
Eca Taylor
LEARN MORE AT OUR PARENT OPEN HOUSE EVENTS: GRADES K-8 Thursday, January 19th Wednesday, April 19th GRADES 9-12 Thursday, February 9th Wednesday, April 26th
www.us.edu/visit
THIS ISSUE CONTRIBUTING WRITERS
Leah Weiss Caruso, Lev Caruso, Tori Cordiano, Amy Lee Ellowitz, Hannah Ellowitz, Cathie Ericson, Deborah Gilboa, Sharon Holbrook, Joanna Nesbit, Finn Lahey, Jessica Lahey, Rebecca Meiser, Diane Moca, Matthew Rouse, Madeline Taylor, Jonae Williams
More content online at yourteenmag.com
A DV I S O RY B OA R D Elise Ellick
Teen Counselor in the Division of Adolescent Medicine, Department of Pediatrics at MetroHealth.
Lauren Rich Fine
Ellen Rome, MD, MPH Pediatrician, Head, Section of Adolescent Medicine at Cleveland Clinic.
Chris Seper
Managing Director at Gries Financial.
Regional General Manager, Digital at The E.W. Scripps Company.
Marcia Hales
Amy Speidel
Partner at Morland Partners.
Amanda Weiss Kelly, MD
University Hospitals, Rainbow Babies & Children’s Hospital Pediatrician, Director, Pediatric Sports Medicine.
Julian Peskin, MD Cleveland Clinic staff member, Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology.
Certified Parent Coach at Senders Parenting Center.
Sonni Kwon Senkfor, MBA
Independent Consultant. Facilitator with The WIT Group and MAC Consulting.
Judy Stenta, MSW
Retired Project Director, SAY, a program of Bellefaire JCB.
Steven Wexberg, MD
Staff Pediatrician, Cleveland Clinic Owner of the Foundation. popular website GardeningKnowHow.com Lucene Wisniewski, as well as the mother of 5 PhD, FAED wonderful children. Chief Clinical Officer of The Emily Program
Heather Rhoades
Sylvia Rimm, PhD
Psychologist, Director Lee Zapis of Family Achievement Clinic, Clinical Professor, President of Zapis Capital Group. Case Western Reserve School of Medicine.
Michael Ritter, CPA Retired Partner, Ernst & Young LLP.
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Your Teen, Vol 9, Issue 3, January-February 2017 is a publication of Your Teen, Inc., a bi-monthly publication, $3.95. Bellefaire JCB, 22001 Fairmount Blvd., Shaker Heights, Ohio 44118. ©2017 by Your Teen, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this magazine may be reproduced without the written consent of Your Teen magazine.Your Teen does not verify claims or information appearing in any advertisements contained in this magazine. While advertising copy is reviewed, no endorsement of any product or service offered by any advertisement is intended or implied by publication in Your Teen.
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YOUR TEEN
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@YourTeenMag
A Hero’s Journey begins here.
wilderness canoe trips with
Heart & Meaning S
Temagami, Ontario
ince 1971 NWL has provided authentic wilderness and rites of passage experiences for youth ages 10 to 17. Our summer programs are designed to engage and empower young people at a given stage in adolescent development. Within the context of a fun and challenging canoe trip, we use proven techniques in community building, group process, Native philosophies and storytelling to create a pathway through adolescence. For over 40 years we have worked to build a strong, thoughtful community of elders, staff, participants, parents and alumni. Together we have created opportunities for young people to connect with the land, each other and their own unique spirit.
Girls ages 11 to 17 | Coed Youth ages 14 to 17 | Boys ages 10 to 17 Northwaters & Langskib Wilderness Programs | northwaters.com| 866.458.9974
EDITOR’S LETTER My children all went to the same overnight summer camp. For many of those summers, my husband, Dan, and I would go for one week as the visiting doctor and family. It was one of my favorite weeks of the year. One summer, my fourth child didn’t want to return to the camp. She wanted to stay home and enjoy the freedom of summer, sleeping late, hanging at the local pool, watching lots of TV, and other unstructured joys. Thrown a bit by the shift away from our family pattern— and knowing that I would lose my favorite week away—we struggled with this decision. We knew it didn’t make sense to force a child to go to overnight camp, but we worried that she would be bored and regret her choice. In the end, we set some summer guidelines and trusted her decision. Her siblings asked her why she wasn’t going back to camp,
This time our response was quicker. “Don’t go to college if you don’t want to. It’s a huge financial commitment.” We assured her that we really meant it. She kept responding that we didn’t really mean it. But we did. Our only caveat was that she have another plan. She took the ACTs several times. She started to make a list of colleges to apply to. She applied and got accepted to several schools. We went to visit three of her options. She chose a school. But throughout, her refrain stayed the same. “I don’t want to go to college.” And our answer stayed the same. “Then don’t go.” In the end, the pull of tradition was too scary to break, and she went to a four-year college. She arrived with a healthy mix of excitement and anxiety, and she navigated her way through freshman year. But she didn’t love it. When people asked whether she liked college, she would say that she was probably at the best place for her, but that she isn’t someone who loves school. I read this issue’s feature, “Alternative Paths to the Four Year Degree,” with a little regret. I think community college or online school would have been a great starting point for a capable young woman who probably wasn’t ready for college. My daughter’s sophomore year is going much more smoothly—a great relief to all of us—but a part of me wishes that we had been as brave about college as this younger girl was about camp. We’ve got so many other great articles this issue, including an up-close look at how technology is impacting creativity; ideas for how to keep your tween talking (yes, talking); and an interesting look at teenage fashion.
and she responded, “Because I didn’t like it.” One sibling replied, “I didn’t like it either, but I kept going.” As if the path was set in stone. As the same child who broke the camp pattern grew older, she kept articulating that she did not want to go to college.
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YOUR TEEN
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Wishing you and yours a wonderful holiday season. Enjoy the read.
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FEATURED
CONTRIBUTORS
DEBORAH GILBOA
HANNAH STORM
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MATTHEW ROUSE
Does your once chatty child no longer have much to say? Are your questions met with one-word answers? Dr. Deborah Gilboa comes to the rescue in this issue’s Tween Talk (page 51). Gilboa, a family physician, is also the author of Get the Behavior Your Want . . . Without Being the Parent You Hate.
Hannah Storm is an awardwinning journalist and among the few women to have broken into the ranks of sports broadcasting, as the host of SportsCenter’s Face to Face with Hannah Storm, and each NFL Sunday morning. On top of all of that she’s the mother of three daughters. You’ll find our interview with Storm on page 52.
White privilege can be a challenging concept for adults to master, so how can we talk to our teenagers about it? Turn to page 19 for our fascinating—and important— interview with Debby Irving, author of the new book, Waking Up White: And Finding Myself in the Story of Race.
When it comes to swearing in front of teenagers, there are the parents who try really hard not to—darn! shoot!— and those who just let it fly. Whichever camp you’re in, you’ll enjoy reading this issue’s Family Matters (page 22), including the wonderful advice from Dr. Matthew Rouse, a clinical psychologist with the New York City-based Child Mind Institute.
I earned my first degree from Tri-C® After graduating from Tri-C, Tyler transferred to Baldwin-Wallace University, where he is a junior and continues to play baseball.
Throughout high school, Tyler Lienerth planned to attend college and play for the baseball team. He had an offer to play at a four-year college, but chose to attend Cuyahoga Community College where he earned a scholarship and played ball for the Tri-C championship team.
tri-c.edu 216-987-6000
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YOUR TEEN
| JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2017
BULLETIN BOARD
ONLINE AT
YOURTEENMAG.COM h
Get Your Teen's articles delivered to your inbox. Sign up at yourteenmag.com/sign-up.
#ParentHack
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Did you miss our recent event, Tweens and the New Rules of Parenting? Watch the video yourteenmag.com/video-yt/ parenting-tweens-video to get great tips for parenting your tween.
You don’t need us to tell you how frustrating it can be when a teenager doesn’t take care of the basics … like leaving dirty dishes all over the house instead of putting them in the dishwasher or, gasp, cleaning them.
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Get social with Your Teen! Twitter: @YourTeenMag Facebook: YourTeen Pinterest: YourTeenMag Instagram: YourTeenMag
LOVE FROM OUR FANS ... Follow us online @YourTeenMag
Cullen Douglas @CullenDoug Thanks to the good folks @YourTeenMag
Fun interview and the mag is an invaluable resource if you're navigating teen waters as a parent. BN_Ted @tedkrek @YourTeenMag for Parents. Great
holiday issue for parents with teenagers. Surly Teen Magazine @surlyteenmag @YourTeenMag Love it! Great advice.
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YOUR TEEN
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Here’s how one mom solved this problem. “I told him I was implementing a new service for a fee: maid service,” says this mom. Every time she cleaned up his dishes, she charged him $5. Since her son is responsible for earning his own spending money, he quickly cleaned up his act. In general, experts say the best way to get teenagers to perform tasks that are important to you is not to yell and argue about it, but to calmly (and quietly) impose consequences when teenagers don’t follow through. Does your teenager never put the dishes in the dishwasher? You could try this mom’s idea — or come up with your own. But like this mom, it should be something that will motivate your teenager.
Our strength is our legacy. Boundless innovation fueled by tradition. Our path forward is here and now. It’s our nature to be curious, to be brave, to dream. We push ourselves to do what others won’t, in the pursuit of changing the world. Because what begins in Akron is witnessed worldwide. Akron nurtures genius. Akron challenges the bold. Akron raises champions. And just when you think we’re finished, we’re just getting started. That’s What Makes Us.
your Children hAve rights. i CAn ProteCt them.
DefenDing the Rights of stuDents AnD MinoRs The Law Office of Daniel M. Margolis, LLC, focuses on helping children and their parents address the types of legal problems unique to their lives. Whether it is a matter of school suspension or expulsion, bullying, issues related to IEPs, or allegations of delinquency in Juvenile Court, attorney Daniel M. Margolis – a former prosecutor – brings more than 15 years of experience as an aggressive advocate for Ohio’s youth to the table.
Education/School Law • IEPs & 504 Plans • Access to Special Education Services • Student Discipline Issues • Bullying & School Abuse Delinquency & Criminal Cases • Sexting & All Other Sex Offenses • Drug Abuse/Possession • All Traffic Offenses • Theft
AvAilAble 24/7 CAll todAy for A free initiAl ConsultAtion
216-533-9533 • danmargolis.com
BULLETIN BOARD
By the Numbers 83% of college
seniors graduate without a job. The average student loan debt at graduation is $33,000.
We asked teens ... What would you beg your parents to stop doing? Wrong usage of a slang term? Clothes? Annoying habit? When I try to show something to my mom because I think it is cool and she turns it into something she can reprimand me about, or make it into a lesson. Lisha, Shaker Heights, OH
When my parents try to show affection towards me, I get annoyed. They smother me and make me feel like a child.
AFTERCOLLEGE CAREER INSIGHTS SURVEY
45% of Americans
make New Year’s resolutions. Of those, 46% keep their resolutions for six months. Just 8% of people achieve their New Year’s goals.
I would really like my parents to stop referring to tweets as twits.
Joanna, Orange, OH
I would beg my parents to stop talking about their bowel habits at the dinner table. Sometimes it just kills the food... er, mood.
STATISTIC BRAIN
40% of principals of
Tara, Jericho, NY
K-12 schools in the U.S. have at least one computer science class available in which students learn programming or coding.
Hannah, Chagrin Falls, OH
When my parents are over protective of me, like me driving, they are very worried about it. Or when my parents don’t value my opinions because I am young.
I would beg my parents to stop wearing cargo shorts in public. Both my mother and my father commit this fashion crime which embarrasses me to no end.
Alex, Naperville, IL
GALLUP.COM
Abigail, Broadview Heights, OH
I would beg my parents to stop purposefully messing up my favorite band's name just to bother me. I would also ask them to stop reminding me about every single one of the embarrassing things I did as a 3-8 year old.
I would beg my mom to stop trying to dance and do the newest fads, like dabbing. She also tries to talk a little "cooler" when people are around, which is funny to see.
44% of Americans see prescription painkillers and heroin as a "crisis" or "very serious problem" in their local areas.
Haley, Gahanna, OH
GALLUP.COM
Madison, Shaker Heights, OH
YOUR TEEN
| JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2017
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PRODUCTS
Products Picks Kid-tested and parent-approved, Your Teen recommends...
Pelican 32 oz Tumbler
Durable stainless steel tumblers built to fit 99% of cup holders. Double-wall vacuum insulation for extreme cold and heat retention, spill-resistant lid, and guaranteed for life. $39.95 pelican.com
beyondBeanie beanie
Warm wool beanies, cute bags, ponchos, headbands, gloves and colorful bracelets crafted by artisans in Bolivia. Every purchase supports impoverished Bolivian women and children with school meals, school supplies, uniforms, and dental care for those in need. $39.00 beyondbeanie.org
Shari’s Berries Get Back On Your Feet 6 Piece Cookie Bouquet
Break a bone? Sports injury? Show them how much you care and wish them a fast recovery by sending this charming "Get Back on Your Feet" Cookie Bouquet. $39.99 berries.com
Stuffy Nose Strips Nasal strips that provide instant drug-free relief for nasal congestion due to cold, allergies or deviated septum. Offers snoring relief as well. $10.99 Stuffynosestrips.com
BFree Foods Wheat Free Bread
Gluten-free line of breads high in fiber and made with real, whole ingredients including buckwheat and corn flours, peas, apples, and potatoes. Packed with great taste and nutrition, yet soft and pliable like conventional bread. Completely vegan and free from all major allergens. $5.49 - $6.99 us.bfreefoods.com
808 Audio HEX XS Wireless Speakers
Lightweight 6 oz. fully portable Bluetooth wireless speaker that features a full stereo sound and 12 hours of rechargeable battery life. Available in black, blue and white/gold. $49.99 808audio.com
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YOUR TEEN
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Terra's Kitchen Meal Kit Delivery Service
The leading healthy meal kit delivery service offering a variety of high-quality, pre-prepped meals, including vegetarian, gluten-free, vegan, paleo and low calorie. Delivered to your door in a climatecontrolled Vessel with step-bystep recipe cards for a nutritious meal cooked in under 30 minutes! Pricing Varies terraskitchen.com
Kryptonics Blue Crash Skateboard
This 36-inch Kryptonics longboard is perfect for cruising down the boardwalk or street. The wide 8.625-inch deck provides plenty of room for control. The large six-inch slant trucks make for great turning along with the 62-mm by 51-mm polyurethane wheels. $49.99 walmart.com
Watchitude Slap on Watch Watchitude is a funky, fun and unique slap on wrist watch. With over 100 quirky designs such as frosted donuts and pepperoni pizzas to animal prints and cityscapes, you’ll have no problem finding one that displays your personal style and mood. $21.95 watchitude.com
Flapjack Keyboard Cover
These fun, waterproof silicon keyboard covers, available in a variety of colors and designs, will protect and personalize your Mac and reduce keyboard noise. $14.99 shop.fctry.com
T-Fal Color Luxe Cookware Set
Available in rich jewel tones including ruby red, sapphire blue and amethyst purple, this 12-piece set of hard titanium metal-safe non-stick cookware combines great style with superior performance. $99.99 t-falusa.com
YOUR TEEN
| JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2017
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IN A MINUTE
"It's Mr. Smith to You!" What Should Teens Call Parents? By Cathie Ericson
I
s it ‘Cathie’ or ‘Mrs. Ericson’? How should teens address adults who aren’t their relatives? When my kids were little, I started with the formal thing. “Do you want to say hi to Hannah’s mom, Mrs. Ross?” Inevitably, that mom would laugh and say, “Oh that makes me think of my mother-in-law. Call me Laura!” With close friends and neighbors, first names were the norm, but now that doesn’t always feel right. Maybe it’s because sometimes teens and adults don’t really know each other: They’ve met briefly at a pre-prom event or at a study group. So what’s the etiquette if you’d like a teen to use your surname? One tactic is for adults to refer to each other with the preferred moniker, says etiquette expert Rachel Wagner. “For example, if Mrs. Smith is conversing with the teenager, she might say, ‘Mr. Smith mentioned you were starting a lawn business,’ to model the behavior.” And if a teen refers to you in a way you’re not comfortable with, it’s fine to politely correct her, although it might seem awkward at first, Wagner says. Case in point: Wagner’s husband, a school principal, was always referred to as “Mr. Wagner.” But soon after commencement, a newly graduated student addressed him by his first name, as if they were peers. “My husband just nonchalantly said, ‘I’m still Mr. Wagner,’ and continued their conversation.” And if it’s your teen using the casual first name? “Explain that teens addressing adults with titles and surnames is a sign of courtesy and respect,” Wagner says. “It’s alway better to err on the side of formality than immediately go to the first-name basis.” n
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So, You Screwed Up First Semester:
Turning a Minus into a Plus Is your teen’s first semester report card less than stellar? Let me guess your first reaction: You’re ready to jump in with a study plan—and maybe a punishment. Don’t, cautions Joan Rooney, who directs the tutors for The Princeton Review’s online Homework Help and is a mom herself. “Teens are at a place where they should start doing some of their own assessing and analyzing.” Instead, she suggests leading with a question, such as, “What do you think went well and what could be improved?” to get teens thinking about factors that contributed to their grades. Once they’ve identified their pitfalls, you can help them brainstorm solutions, ideally using their own support system
and familiar tools. So, for example, if they are chronically forgetting to start assignments with ample time, they might decide to put reminders in their phones or set goals with friends and hold one another accountable. “You want to help them learn to reflect and problem solve independently, which is a life skill,” points out Rooney. Not to mention, of course, that teens are more likely to own the solution if they helped devise it themselves. “Imposing a consequence might get compliance, but you won’t be helping them for the long run,” she says. And, she adds, don’t expect miracles. “They’re not likely to go from zero to 100, so celebrate any success you can find.” —C. E.
FREE AFTER-SCHOOL HOMEWORK HELP @ THE LIBRARY S DENT FOR STU S E IN GRAD
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Visit any Cuyahoga County Public Library branch after school Monday through Thursday during the school year to get free help with your homework assignments. • Language Arts • Math • Reading • Science • Social Studies Learn more at cuyahogalibrary.org/homework.
YOUR TEEN
| JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2017
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IN A MINUTE
MOVE-OUT SKILLS 101:
How to Take Care of Yourself When You’re Sick
T
he very first step is prevention— get a flu shot, wash your hands frequently, and try to stay away from sick people. But if you do get ill, here are ideas for taking care of yourself.
COLDS: Blow your nose, and frequently. Get that phlegm out of your body instead of sniffing it back in. Take a hot shower to help clear your sinuses. Drink lots of fluids. Gargle with warm saltwater to temporarily relieve a sore or scratchy throat. Choose non-drowsy daytime cold medicine if you need to stay awake and nighttime versions for when it’s time to sleep. (Warning: Taking non-drowsy medications at night can interfere with sleep.) FLU: Symptoms may include fever, cough, runny or stuffy nose, body aches, headache, chills, fatigue, and feeling run
down. If you get the flu, stay home and avoid contact with others. Stay hydrated with water, broth, or sports drinks. Wait a full 24 hours after a fever abates to resume your normal schedule. Never take aspirin for a viral infection, like flu, as it may trigger Reye’s syndrome (a serious condition that causes swelling of the liver and brain) in some teenagers. FEVER: Have a thermometer so you can determine whether your temperature is above normal (98.6° F). Rest and drink plenty of water. Ibuprofen and acetaminophen can lower a fever. If you have the chills, a lukewarm shower or bath (NOT an ice-cold bath) can help. (Warning: Call a doctor if your fever does not respond to medication, or if it spikes above 103° F, or if you experience a sudden onset of fever and severe pain when bending your neck forward.) MENSTRUAL CRAMPS: Exercise may be the last thing you want to do, but it releases endorphins and reduces cramps. Hot compresses or an electric heating pad
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applied to your lower abdomen can bring some relief. Avoid alcohol and caffeine, which can be dehydrating and worsen symptoms. Ibuprofen or naproxen can lessen uterine muscle contractions as well as leg, back, and muscle pain. FOOD POISONING: Food poisoning results from eating contaminated or spoiled food. The most common symptoms include nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea. Although very uncomfortable, food poisoning usually passes through your system rapidly. Sleep is the best remedy. Stay well-hydrated to help your body rid itself of the bacteria with water, ice chips, or sports drinks with electrolytes. Overthe-counter medications such as Imodium and Pepto-Bismol can help control diarrhea and suppress nausea. Stick to bland food and eat small quantities. Avoid dairy products, which can irritate an upset stomach. Individuals with severe cases of food poisoning may require hydration with intravenous (IV) fluids at a hospital. (Warning: Call 911 if you have signs of severe hydration: little or no urine, no tears, sunken eyes, and a dry mouth; fast breathing and heartbeat; dizziness; and lethargy.) n
RECIPE
Asian Chicken Lettuce Wraps Have a fridge full of staples, a family of finicky mouths to feed, and only a few minutes to get something on the table? If this sounds all too familiar, chances are you’ll love The Dinnertime Survival Cookbook by Chef Debra Ponzek. She has the busy, modern-day family in mind, and her recipes make delicious meals come together in a snap. With a focus on accessible recipes with only a few simple ingredients, this guide takes the humble pantry staple and transforms it in minutes into delicious restaurant-quality dishes.
INGREDIENTS: 4 Tbsp of sesame or olive oil 1 lb ground chicken salt and pepper 2 garlic cloves, peeled and finely minced
Chef Debra says, “This is one of my favorite recipes in the cookbook, and always seems to be a hit. I also love the fact that I can prepare the chicken mixture ahead of time and reheat it when I’m ready to sit down. Makes for an easy and delicious dinner!”
1 piece of ginger (1-inch), peeled and finely minced 4 oz water chestnuts, drained ½ red pepper, finely diced 4 scallions, chopped 3 Tbsp hoisin sauce ½ cup soy sauce ¼ cup water 12 Bibb lettuce leaves sprigs of cilantro and mint
DIRECTIONS: 1. In a large sauté pan, heat the 2 Tbsp of the oil until shimmering. Add the ground chicken and cook, breaking up the pieces until cooked through. Season with salt and pepper. Remove to a bowl and reserve. 2. Meanwhile, combine the garlic, ginger, and the remaining oil. Cook for one minute over medium heat. Next add the pepper and cook for 1 to 2 minutes, until the pepper is just softened. Add the chicken and water chestnuts to the pan and stir to combine all of the ingredients. 3. In a small cup, combine the hoisin, soy sauce, and water. Add to the chicken mixture along with the scallions and simmer for 1 minute. Remove from heat and spoon into Bibb lettuce cups. 4. Garnish with sprigs of cilantro and mint.
YOUR TEEN
| JANUARY-FEBRUARY 2017
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IN THE SPOTLIGHT
QA &
...with author Debby Irving Debby Irving had what she describes as a "blissfully sheltered, upper-middle-class suburban childhood," but after signing up for a class about racial identity in her late 40s, her world view changed dramatically. Today, she’s the author of Waking Up White and a frequent speaker on race. Your Teen sat down with Irving to learn more about tackling these tough conversations with our own teenagers. Tell us about your background and what led you to write Waking Up White? I was an upper-middle-class, white, liberal New Englander who ver y strongly identified as a good person. For example, on Christmas, my family would go and buy gifts for homeless shelters nearby, and at Thanksgiving we'd serve homeless people. And yet after moving into an urban area right out of college, I could sense that there was something wrong. I couldn’ t understand how these neighborhoods could look so different—dilapidated neighborhoods full of black and brown people, and beautiful neighborhoods full of white people. I couldn’t explain it, and I didn’t ever dare ask anyone about it.
At the age of 48, I ended up in a course that explained it all to me. I had thought that racism referred to a white person who doesn’t like a person of color, or was bigoted. I had no idea that there was this huge history of interrelated systems, a whole structure in our country that is built on the idea that certain people have more value than others—and very specifically, white, male, Christian, heterosexual, able-bodied, and of a certain class. When I learned that, it launched me on a journey that I’m still on. How did that course affect your conversations with your own kids? Their starting place was very different from mine. In terms of race, they
b o t h h av e a v o c a b u l a r y a n d a n understanding that is mind-boggling to me. For example, I was reeling with the information that race doesn’t fit into neat biological categories, and my daughter, who was 14 at the time, said, “You didn’t know that? In Bio, the first thing we studied was melatonin.” How can parents start conversations like these with their own teenagers? People in our generation weren’t taught about these issues. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to admit that you don’t know because we’ve all been highly trained not to know. We’ve all been trained to look the other way. Because we are taught that this is a just and fair country, and the fact of the matter is, particularly
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IN THE SPOTLIGHT
“If you’re not suffering from discrimination, you’re not experiencing it firsthand. The only way to find out about it is to learn from people who are being discriminated against.” with race, it isn’t. And that’s a really hard pill for many of us to swallow. What next? If you want to understand something about a group of people, go directly to the source. Otherwise it’s getting filtered through someone. A great first step is to join the non-profit, Standing Up for Racial Justice. It’s goal is to teach white people to stand up for racial justice. There are groups in every community that try to bring people together in a racially mixed way. What can schools do to create an open conversation about race? When my kids were in school, if the school said, “Hey, parents, come on in. Tonight we’re going to talk about drugs, alcohol and risky behavior,” my husband and I were there. If they said, “Hey, parents, come on in. Tonight we’re going to learn about how to manage screen time with your kid,” we were there. But the school never said, “Hey, parents, come on in. We want to teach you about race, racism, white privilege, and other forms of oppression, like sexism, classism, homophobia, and religious intolerance, so that you can speak to your children about it.” 20
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Schools don’t invite the conversation because it’s too explosive. The result is silence around the issue, and the net effect is ignorance, especially in privileged white communities. Where do you see real change coming from? A huge piece of this issue is that most
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white people have been taught not to talk about it, that it’s rude to talk about it. I couldn’t talk about it because I would get tongue-tied, I would blush, my heart would start beating. I was so afraid of saying something stupid or offensive. Change happens as soon as we start talking about it. That’s why doing it in a group setting is so important, because we first need to learn to talk about it. Is simply talking about it enough? Well, eventually it needs to turn into action. If you’re not suffering from discrimination, you don’t experience it firsthand. The only way to understand it is to learn from people who are being discriminated against. The only way to make a change is to develop cross-racial relationships. Once we, meaning white people, hear from people who are experiencing racial discrimination, then we can support the people who are being discriminated against. n Interview by Susan Borison
I Was Racially Profiled By Jonae Williams
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n the summer of 2015, I was out with one of my mentors. We went to the store to pick up some supplies for a volunteer project. For lack of a better description, she is an older Caucasian woman who drives a very nice BMW. I was riding in the passenger side of the car. My mentor parked outside a hardware store. She offered for me to stay in the car, which I gladly accepted because of the hot weather. While she was in the store, a police officer parked next to my mentor’s car. When the officer got out of the car, he came up to the window and looked at me suspiciously. He then made the “I’m watching you” hand gesture, got back in the police cruiser, and appeared to be taking notes.
A little nervous, I swallowed the lump in my throat and tried to analyze what had just taken place. I couldn’t figure out what I did wrong to prompt the officer to act that way towards me. I thought maybe he was joking, but he didn’t smile when he approached me. I patiently waited for my mentor to come back. When she approached the car, the police officer waved her down, smiled and asked her if everything was okay. She said everything was fine. After we left the parking lot, I kept replaying what happened, trying to understand why the officer thought I was causing a problem. My counselor explained that I was a victim of racial profiling. This means using someone’s race as grounds for
suspecting them of committing an offense or crime. She then explained it is a product of someone believing stereotypes and then acting on them. Many people do not realize stereotypes are harmful. Stereotypes are harmful because they instill certain beliefs that later lead to discrimination and racism. Every person can be a victim of a stereotype. Jonae Williams is a senior at Saint Joseph Academy and a member of the Academy's Unity Club, which is a student group that organizes events and discussions to encourage the community to be more aware of various diversities.
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FAMILY MATTERS
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What the *#^*! Families Who Swear
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everal years ago, I heard someone on the radio describe swearing like this: “Cussing can be musical … these cuss words are short, they’re guttural, and they end in a hard sound. They are the percussion instruments of language.” I love that because I am THAT MOM. I became enamored with cursing in high school, when a teacher shared a list of colorful curses from Shakespeare. This, combined with bar/restaurant jobs in college that expanded my vocabulary beyond Elizabethan England, sealed my fate to become That Mom. That Mom who, when her toddler pulled down a display of cereal boxes at the store exclaimed, “Oh F---.” That Mom who, when cut off by another car while driving carpool, said “DAMMIT that was close.” That Mom who, when her teen described awful 22
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behavior by someone who was supposed to be a close friend said, “Well that’s just horseshit.” This was not intentional. When I became a parent, I was all about choosing my words and tone. And I try, I really do. Mostly, I express myself without swearing. Sometimes, though, you’re on your last thread of sanity. Swearing feels good. It’s an effective way of channeling frustration into hard consonants and creative language, rather than, say, day-drinking. Which is a carpool no-no. So, parents, don’t beat yourself up if a curse word or two slips out. My kids have survived! They are well-mannered! My sweet husband, however, who almost never swears, will probably have PTSD from me writing this.
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Leah Weiss Caruso works for JFSA of Cleveland as a teen educator, and is mother to 3 human children and 1 canine child.
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hen I was younger, I did not swear, and cursing was not a big part of my life. My mom tried not to swear too much, although I might have heard some things here and there. My mom and dad kept the language in the house safe and not explicit. My mom's swearing has not impacted me in a bad way because she does not use language in a way to hurt or say bad things about others. However, when I am in a conversation with just her, the fact that she sometimes swears makes me feel more like she is treating me as an adult. She is not trying to deny the fact that I also use that language sometimes, and when it is appropriate to use, we will say it in conversation. It is a part of life, and I am glad she is not trying to hide me from that. Lev Caruso is currently in Jerusalem, Israel on a gap year, and will attend Columbia College of Chicago in the fall for musical theater.
SWEARING: ADVICE FROM AN EXPERT
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ursing is such a weird thing in our society, one that can be confusing for both parents and kids to navigate. Basically, we tell children that there are these words that adults sometimes take pleasure in using, words that can satisfyingly communicate anger and frustration or can send others into fits of laughter. But these words, so imbued with power, are off-limits to them. What a confusing message! For Leah and Lev, cursing seems to have become a fun thing they share in private. Importantly, Lev learned when it is ‘appropriate’ to curse and was able to abide by social norms. For some kids, it’s not that easy. When angry, their filter may disappear as they reach for the words that can inflict the most damage, especially if they’ve seen their parents using the same words.
Some children may, however, use cursing as a way to provoke others because even though they’re getting negative attention, at least it’s some attention. This is why parents should gauge their child’s ability to turn on that verbal filter when necessary. How good has he been about keeping private family matters private? If the child has a tough time with filtering, then parents should be more vigilant about keeping curse words out of their own vocabularies. Matthew Rouse, PhD, MSW is a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute.
Some things are just better together Independent and Catholic Our independent accreditation* means smaller class sizes and student teacher ratios, so students write more, discuss more and develop their own ideas more. Catholic means they are learning in an environment that is rooted in our Holy Cross tradition. If you educate the mind and empower the heart, students do more than succeed- they thrive.
Call today to schedule a personal tour. 440 | 473 | 8050 gilmour.org/visit Gilmour Academy is an independent, Catholic, coed, school in the Holy Cross tradition. Montessori (18 months - Kindergarten) and Grades 1-12
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BOOK BOOK REVIEW REVIEW
Echo This award-winning novel gets high praise from our reviewers PARENT REVIEW By Jessica Lahey
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hile Echo, by Pam Muñoz Ryan, is a sublime read on paper, it becomes much more resonant in audio form. Finn and I both read Echo in hardcover and enjoyed it, but when I listened to the book on a recent road trip, I was absolutely transported. Echo is a tale told through multiple narratives, and the audio version allows the listener to experience these narratives through the voices of Mark Bramhall, David de Vries, Andrews MacLeod, and Rebecca Soler. Each voice represents a different character and brings the story to life in a way I had not experienced on paper. The plot of Echo is not simply told through words, however, and this is where the audio version really shines. Echo is musical. It is the story of how music transcends words or action, how melody and harmony
blend to elevate the mundane to the extraordinar y. The music of Echo's narrative, brought to life in the audiobook by Corky Seigel, serves to push the music to the fore, to center stage, where it rightly belongs. E cho i s m a d e u p o f m u l t i p l e narratives, melodies that weave together into an orchestral whole. The background thrum of history supports the entire work, and, as is so often the case with a great work of literature, the sum of these parts results in a much greater whole. Pa m Mu ñ o z Ry a n i s a g i f t e d storyteller. She has written over 40 books, including one of my all-time favorites, Esperanza Rising, and has won just about every award available in the world of literature. E cho has received multiple well-deserved awards, including a 2016 Newbery Honor. Echo would make for a lovely crosscurricular bridge between language
arts and history, one way to make the distant historical events of World War II and the rise of the Nazi party in Germany relevant to a new generation of readers. E cho is ideal for middlegrade, tween, and younger teen readers, and while the book is hefty—nearly 600 pages long—the wide margins and large font are inviting and comforting. Echo is more than just a good read; it is an allegory about what it means to be human when we seem dead set on killing each other. Echo reminds us of our past, our collective rights and wrongs, and the power of music to transcend pain and injustice, and it reinforces the bonds that hold all of us together as humans—across cultures, religion, time, and space. Jessica Lahey is a teacher, writer, and mother of two teens.
TEEN REVIEW By Finn Lahey
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really liked Echo by Pam Muñoz Ryan. I thought it had a very compelling writing style and structure. I enjoyed reading each section and left each part with curiosity, wondering what the next section would have to offer. In Echo, each interconnecting story is one of a three-part whole. Through the three different stories and the four main characters, the reveal of each subplot heightens the anticipation for the next part of the story. Music and its ability to define our outlook on life continues as a theme from story to story, passed down like the history of the main character’s 24
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harmonica and its journey from person to person. Although I did enjoy the overall feel of the book and its wonderful storytelling, I was, at the beginning, rather skeptical of how the story would weave together. The three stories seemed only vaguely connected, and they only came together in the end. Even though the actual story revolves around a harmonica, there are many other instruments involved. At first, the instruments are almost shoehorned into the story, but then they become part of a whole. The characters, in the end, learn to master their instruments and work together to create a synchronized melody.
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I particularly enjoyed the fairy taleesque, wandering story of where the harmonica came from and its magical powers. As the rest of the book was detailed and all set in reality, the whimsical, magic-based world provided a lighter background to an increasingly dark world in the midst of World War II. I thought the book was very interesting and worth reading. I would totally suggest it to others. If you think you might enjoy a book that has a serious plot, with sweet, whimsical undertones, give it a read. Finn Lahey is a seventh grader in New Hampshire.
Moms, Have You Considered a Career in Nursing?
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any stay-at-home moms start looking for a way to return to work once their children are older and more independent. But where do you begin? It can sometimes be tough to jump back into a former career after too much time away. An increasingly popular option for many women is training for a new profession in the field of health care, such as nursing. “Whether you are an emptynester or a woman with schoolaged children, now may be the time to consider going back to school to become a practical nurse,” says Wendy Stafflino, director of operations for the Independence, Ohio-based Central School of Practical Nursing. The scope of practice for an LPN is very similar to that of a Registered
Nurse (RN). Visiting the Ohio Board of Nursing (OBN) website at www.nursing.ohio.gov can assist with understanding the differences. LPN programs are typically one year in length, whereas RN programs can range from two-to-four years. Licensed Practical Nurses, or LPNs, typically work in hospitals, extended-care facilities, homebased settings, or outpatient clinics. Annual salaries range from $36,000 to $53,000. “Our students spend two days a week in the classroom and two days a week in a clinical setting,” Staffilino explains. “It’s a challenging, intensive program.” After completing the degree, graduates receive a certificate that makes them eligible to take the state board licensing exam. Once licensed by the state, they’re officially LPNs. n
Central School of Practical Nursing Eight decades of nursing education, since 1937. To learn more about CSPN, visit us at cspnohio.org.
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cspnohio.org | tel: 216.901.4400 CSPN IS A NON-PROFIT INSTITUTION • PRIVATE SCHOOL EDUCATION For more information about our graduation rates, the median debt of students who completed the program and other important information, please visit our website at: http://tinyurl.com/cspn-disclosure-statement
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MODERN FAMILY
Single Parenting
Communication is Key Teen
CONTRIBUTORS
By Hannah Ellowitz
People always tell me that I look like my mom, which is actually quite flattering, but one quality we both share on the inside is our strong opinions. And we’re willing to fight for them. This trait can work both for and against me. It makes me a passionate and independent woman. But I can also be quite stubborn when it comes to ruthlessly defending my opinions on different subject matters. I’ve learned that communication isn’t limited to just being verbal. For example, one thing my mom always communicated to me through her actions was the importance of religion. She sent me to religious school for years, and although I didn’t particularly love attending, I knew it was important to go because she had communicated it to me through our family’s involvement in our synagogue. Going back and forth between my mother and father’s houses presents some challenges. I’ve had to work on my communication, whether it be notifying my mom where I’m going after school or
reminding my dad to turn in forms for a school field trip. It would definitely be easiest to put both parents in a group chat to keep them updated on my busy life between school, rehearsal, and friends, but instead I choose to spare everyone the drama. I’ve had to learn to communicate with both sides separately to keep everyone in the loop. One strange habit I had to learn was calling/texting one parent when I was staying over with the other. My parents can both get very territorial with my siblings and me, so spending time with both parents in one weekend can be tricky. However, it is extremely important to keep moving forward and communicate with everyone to avoid misunderstandings and excess drama. Hannah Ellowitz is a junior at American Heritage School in Plantation, Florida. Hannah is also president of Center Stage Youth Council at the Florida Children's Theatre. Hannah hopes to pursue a BFA in Musical Theatre.
YOUR TEEN
Teen
Hannah Ellowitz
Parent
Amy Lee Ellowitz
Professional
Dr. Tori Cordiano
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MODERN FAMILY
Parent
Professional
By Amy Lee Ellowitz
By Dr. Tori Cordiano
As a single parent, I’ve learned that communication is tremendously important, challenging though it may be. My daughter Hannah and I butt heads because we are both stubborn; conflict most often arises because we both have strong opinions. We rapidly become two talking heads. But at the end of the day, the glue that keeps us together is the fact that we both respect each other tremendously as women and as human beings. The reality is that Hannah most often makes sound decisions. Likewise, she knows that I put a great deal of thought behind every rule and consequence. So when things begin to get heated between the two of us, I try to take a deep breath and acknowledge how much I admire the young adult she is becoming. She is no longer my complete responsibility. My role is becoming less and less about managing and more about supporting her choices as well as her consequences. Less talk and more listening is most often all that is needed to move forward. It is the bittersweet part of letting go, but the reward is an everincreasing amount of mutual respect that makes being a parent my best gig yet.
Parenting teens can be tough in any family situation and presents unique challenges in single-parent families. Clear, fair communication between single parents and their teens helps to pave the way to a trusting relationship that withstands the ups and downs of adolescence. Though single parents often enjoy a close relationship with their teens that comes from being the sole parent in the home, they also feel the weight of making big parenting decisions and the fatigue of raising teens without a partner. Recognizing signs of stress and seeking out opportunities for selfcare—a weekend yoga class or coffee with a friend—can help keep stress at bay. It’s also helpful for parents and teens to recognize signs of stress during arguments and call a timeout when needed. Being able to say, “this is getting pretty heated, let’s take some time to cool down and talk again after dinner” is a fantastic way to keep communication fair and civil. With only one parent in the home, both parents and teens benefit from accessing other sources of support and communication. For single parents, that may be a loyal friend or relative who knows their teen and can help process situations or provide a place to vent about the challenges of raising
Amy Lee Ellowitz, MSW, ACE CPT, counsels and supports women in their journey to holistic wellness. Amy lives in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Find out more about Amy by visiting www.amyellowitz.com
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Clear, fair communication between single parents and their teens helps to pave the way to a trusting relationship that withstands the ups and downs of adolescence. a teenager. Teens benefit from having other trusted adults in their lives with whom they can share thoughts and spend time. Getting a break from each other makes the time together more pleasant and allows parents and teens to come back to the relationship ready to communicate with regard for the other person. Dr. Tori Cordiano is a clinical psychologist in Shaker Heights, Ohio, and the assistant director of the Center for Research on Girls at Laurel School.
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B R O U G H T TO Y O U B Y
ALTERNATIVE PATHS to the 4-Year Degree BY DIANA SIMEON
Shortly after Madeline Taylor was accepted to the University of Cincinnati, she received an offer she couldn’t refuse: a contract to dance professionally with the Cleveland Ballet. That meant watching all her friends head off to college, while she stayed home. “That was hard,” the 20-year-old recalls. But she soon settled into her new life—and today, she wouldn’t have it any other way. “I made new friends and started working and going to college online,” says Taylor, who in addition to dancing is a student at Arizona State University Online. Online degrees. Community college. Dual enrollment. The military. Taylor is among the millions of students in the United States who—for all kinds of reasons—are taking an alternative route to the bachelor’s degree. This issue, we take an up-close look at some of these alternatives—and hear from experts about how parents can help their teenagers navigate them successfully.
Community College
Thanks to their low cost—about $4,000 a year on average—and open-door admission policies, community colleges have for
decades been an important pathway to college for millions of American students. According to the National Center for Education Statistics, more than 80 percent of students enrolling in community college say their goal is to earn a bachelor’s degree. But it’s not always easy for these students to make the jump to a four-year institution. In fact, only about 15 percent of students who start their degree at a community college will earn a bachelor’s degree in six years, according to data compiled by the Community College Research Center (CCRC) at Columbia University. By comparison, about 60 percent of students who start at a four-year institution earn a bachelor’s degree within six years. (Note: the federal government calculates college graduation rates over a six-year period.) Why just 15 percent? For many community-college students, the “two- to four-year transfer process” can be difficult,
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explains John Fink, a research associate with CCRC. “Sometimes the four-year college won’t accept all the credits or will say, ‘We’ll take all 60 credits, but they’ll count as electives,’” notes Fink. So, those students will have to spend extra time (and money) to earn their bachelor’s degree, and that can be discouraging enough to prevent them from continuing. Here’s how to help ensure your teenager stays on track.
1. Make Transfer a Priority.
Fink says parents should help teenagers seek out community colleges with programs that
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facilitate transfers to fouryear institutions. “Look for intentional partnerships between the community college and the four-year institution,” he says. Many public universities have such programs in place with their state’s community colleges. Ta ke O h i o’s B o w l i n g Green State University, which offers a variety of ways for community college students to complete a bachelor’s degree. These include longstanding “articulation agreements” with more than a dozen of the state’s two-year colleges. Under the terms of these agreements, BGSU
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will accept credits earned at those colleges and apply them toward a bachelor’s degree. “We have lists of classes that students should take at our partner schools to earn credit at BGSU,” explains Cecilia Castellano, vice provost for strategic enrollment planning at BGSU. BGSU also offers more than 20 programspecific agreements, in which transfer students start a major at a partner college (options include computer science, early childhood development, and communications) and complete the degree at BGSU. And last year, BGSU took its partnership with community colleges a step further, debuting a new program, called Falcon Express. In this program— available at Ohio’s Owens Community College— students are dually admitted to the community college and BGSU. “So basically as you are earning credits at the twoyear college, they are being automatically transferred to BGSU,” explains Castellano. In other words, students are simultaneously earning an associate’s degree and completing their first two years of the bachelor’s degree. No transfer process required. These are the kinds of “smooth pathways” between community and four-year colleges Fink recommends students and parents seek out. “Programs that offer tailored s u p p o r t a n d a d v i s i n g ,” explains Fink. “And where the college is helping students think through the transfer options.”
2. Work Closely with an Advisor.
Castellano recommends that students who plan to begin their degree at a community college should enlist their advisor’s help right away. “If the ultimate goal is a four-year degree, you want to be upfront in your first meeting with your advisor about planning the transfer,” she says. “Make sure you are talking about that.” It’s also helpful for students to identify early on the specific four-year college they’d like to attend (again, make sure the community college has an articulation agreement with that school), so they can be sure to take the right classes to get the transfer credit from that particular four-year institution. Ideally, the community c o l l e ge s h o u l d p r o v i d e detailed transfer guides for its partner four-year colleges, says Fink. “These will include recommendations for course s e q u e n c e s a n d s p e c i fi c notes for those different universities,” he explains. Remember: which credits will and will not be accepted is determined by the articulation agreement between a community college and the four-year institution your teenager plans to attend, so it’s important for students to pay close attention. Otherwise, your student may end up taking classes that either don’t count toward a desired major—or don’t count at all. “You really want to be intentional about it,” stresses Castellano.
Online Degree Programs A couple of decades ago, online degree programs were unheard of. Today, more than five million students are taking college classes online—and many colleges and universities now offer ways for students to earn their entire bachelor’s degree online. That includes the Penn State World Campus, the online campus of Penn State, where undergraduates can pick from more than 30 majors—from business and marketing to psychology, information science, and technology. Carli Donovan, an admissions officer at the school, says that students receive the same degree, whether they are online or physically on campus. “Application requirements are the same,” she says. “Classes are taught by the same faculty, and students have to adhere to the same academic standards. The degree you will get will look exactly the same as if you had studied at any other Penn State Campus.” Currently, World Campus has around 12,000 students total (including graduate students). Students pick online programs for a variety of reasons. “Traditionally, they’ve been adult learners who may be juggling full-time work and family,” says Donovan. But in recent years, schools like Penn State and the many others offering online classes have seen an uptick in the number of students enrolling right out of high school. “We are seeing more and more students doing that, just
The Military Has Several College Degree Options
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here are several ways that the United States military helps its servicemen and women earn a four-year college degree. But it’s important to understand that while the military is certainly an alternative path to a degree, it’s not one to be taken lightly. Teenagers considering this option must truly have a desire to serve in the military—because in return for those education benefits, they’ll be required to be in the military for a period of time. Here are the different ways the military helps students earn a college degree. Reserve Officer Training Corps. ROTC programs are available at more than 1,000 U.S. colleges and universities; they’re offered by every branch of the military (Army, Navy, Coast Guard, etc.) Think of ROTC as a scholarship program with a military service component. For example, students in the Naval Reserve Officer Training Corps (NROTC) are eligible to receive up to $180,000 in tuition assistance at one of 160 colleges in the United States. During college, they live with other cadets on campus; they also get special training during the summer. But otherwise, they’re like traditional college students— especially after 5:00 p.m., when the uniforms come off. After graduation, NROTC students are commissioned as ensigns in the Naval Reserve and required to serve at least three years of active duty service.
Active Duty Military/Veterans. Teenagers who want to serve in the military instead of going to college can take advantage of the education benefits provided to military personnel. Those benefits vary depending on length of service. While serving in the military, most service members can get tuition assistance. The Post-911 GI Bill provides veterans with up to 36 months—four academic years—of tuition, room and board, and books. Amounts vary by type of service and time served. Service Academies. Lastly, teenagers can earn a bachelor’s degree at one of the five Service Academies in the United States. These are institutions run by the different branches of the U.S. military. For example, the U.S. Military Academy, also known as West Point, is run by the Army and the U.S. Naval Academy is run by the Navy. Competition for admittance to these academies is fierce. It requires students to be at the top of their class, with top scores, in top physical health, and with a recommendation from a member of Congress to boot. Graduates of the service academies—which are free— receive a bachelor of science and must commit to a minimum of five years of service. Stay tuned for a more in-depth look at ROTC in an upcoming issue of the magazine.
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ALTERNATIVE PATHS
for personal preference,” Donovan says. After all, this is a generation of students who are comfortable with online learning (doing homework online is now routine in high school, for example, and many high school students take classes online). Plus online bachelor’s degree programs offer many students the conveniences they’re looking for. “It’s really flexible,” says Taylor, who would not be able to attend on-campus classes, given her dance schedule. “You don’t have to meet at a certain time with your professor. I’ve taken mid-terms at one in the morning.” Taylor is enrolled at Arizona State for free—she’s majoring in healthy-lifestyle coaching—thanks to her benefit package at Starbucks, where she works part-time. “I only pay for books,” she notes. But even if online students pay tuition, they save on room and board. Online coursework is also an increasingly popular option for military personnel, who can’t always be on campus, explains Donovan. Online programs can also be a good way for community college graduates to earn their bachelor’s, notes BGSU’s Castellano. BGSU offers a variety of “completion programs” online. “These are flexible, online programs for students who have an associate’s degree and now want to complete their bachelor’s,” she notes. What to look for in an online degree program? Here’s what experts recommend:
1. Evaluate the quality of the degree program.
Parents will want to make sure an accredited university runs the program, and that the degree their student receives will be the same as if they’d been on campus. “Penn State is not an online school,” explains Donovan. “We’re a university that happens to offer online programs.” It’s important to evaluate an online program with the same kind of scrutiny you’d apply to a traditional college program.
2. Look for the right fit.
“Parents and students should do the
research and look at online schools to make sure they are getting the best fit,” recommends Donovan. What kind of advising is available for students? Does the program offer the major your student wants to pursue? Are there big differences for on-campus and online students? “At Penn State, the core of the program is not going to change, regardless of whether you’re on campus or going online,” explains Donovan.
Dual Enrollment Another alternative to the four-year college degree: earn it in less time with your state’s dual enrollment program. Dual enrollment allows students to take college courses in high school. Those courses count towards both high-school graduation requirements and college credit. That can mean big savings in time and money. “With Ohio’s College Credit Plus program, it’s possible to come into college with a semester or even a year of college done,” explains BGSU’s Castellano. “At BG, you’ve just saved yourself $10,000 to $20,000.” Interested? You’re not alone. Dual enrollment rates continue to grow across the country. “More and more high schools are offering it,” notes Fink. “And the research shows a net benefit for participants in terms of increased rates of going to college and in overall college performance.” Here’s what parents need to know about dual enrollment.
1. It’s best for students planning on attending a state school.
In general, students who plan to attend an in-state public institution stand to gain the most from dual enrollment. That’s because in most states, public universities are required to accept the credits earned through the program, whereas private and out-of-state public institutions are not required to accept those credits (and often will not). That means your student may still have to take—and you will still have to pay for—that economics class
she took via dual enrollment, if your student attends a private or out-of-state institution.
2. Make sure it’s right for your student.
While dual enrollment has a lot going for it, there are some potential cons, too. For starters, before signing up, parents should be sure their teenagers are ready to take college classes in high school—because your student’s grade will transfer to her college transcript. While an A or B will get her off to a great start in college, arriving with Cs will not (and those Cs will also hurt your student’s college prospects). Students who plan to attend selective private or out-of-state institutions can still take advantage of dual-enrollment programs, but they need to be cautious. A general rule of thumb for these students is that it’s better to take the APor-equivalent class offered at your high school than to take a dual-enrollment class, which at the most elite colleges may be perceived as taking an easier academic route. For students who plan to continue at an in-state public university — even the most selective in their own state— dual enrollment can be a better bet than AP because the credits are guaranteed to transfer.
3. It’s a nice way to explore before college.
An important benefit of dual enrollment, in Fink’s opinion: it allows students to try out different areas of study in high school. “Students can use dual enrollment to explore a topic,” he says. “And that sort of exploration is good.” In general, this kind of exploration can make students more focused when entering college, which increases the likelihood they’ll graduate in four years. These days, there are many ways for students to successfully earn a bachelor’s degree. Keep your teenager focused on that goal, no matter which path they take, and before you know it, graduation day will be here. n
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ALTERNATIVE PATHS | TEEN SPEAK
I Took a Different Path By Madeline Taylor
While my friends were starting school, making new friends, and having the college experience, I was living at home, dancing a lot, and working at Starbucks when I wasn’t rehearsing. At first, I wanted to have the best of both worlds. I would visit my friends at Ohio State University for the weekend, send letters to my friends in college, and look forward to my friends coming home for breaks. It took time, but eventually I began to accept and actually appreciate the fact that I wasn’t having a typical college experience.
online for free. Through the Starbucks College Achievement Plan, I am reimbursed 100% for my classes. I am working towards a degree in healthylifestyle coaching. I take one class every seven and a half weeks, since that’s all I have time for right now. ASU is great because the classes are flexible and I am able to complete my schoolwork any time I want. It definitely took time to get used to the fact that I am doing something completely different than all of my friends from high school. At first, I felt like I was missing out on some great
This is now my second season with the company, and I love it. Spending all day doing ballet is incredibly fulfilling—and for me, it’s better than spending the day in a classroom or looking at a computer screen. I ’m a l s o a c o l l e ge s t u d e n t n o w, attending Arizona State University
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and awesome experience. But through connecting with fellow ASU students and Starbucks employees, I now see that there are many paths someone can take after high school, and that there is no wrong or right. I am incredibly happy I took the leap of faith after my senior year and decided to be okay with not doing what everyone else was doing. I am getting a college education—and even if it takes me longer than everyone else, I get to receive my education while doing what I love every day. n
Photo: The Cleveland Ballet
I
applied to 10 colleges my senior year of high school with every intention of going to a four-year college. Yet as May 1st approached, I found myself with an unexpected opportunity that led me to decide not to attend any of them. I signed a contract to dance professionally with the newly-formed Cleveland Ballet for the 2015/2016 season. I have trained in ballet since I was three years old and so this was a dream come true. I was ecstatic about my decision and about the future, yet that summer and into the fall was pretty weird.
Darby Johnson ’15 has always had her head in the clouds. But the WRA grad is far from absent-minded — she’s had a lifelong passion for weather. At WRA, her science teacher encouraged her to construct a campus weather station. “It’s something I never would have had an opportunity to do, unless I came to this school,” says Darby. The experience is serving her well at Hobart and William Smith Colleges, where she’s studying meteorology. For Darby, and all of our alumni working hard toward their dreams, the future looks bright and sunny.
DARBY PIONEERED THE CAMPUS WEATHER STATION. AND HER FUTURE.
Michelle Martin, Ed.S. mmartin@insightwellness.com
www.insight-wellness.com
216-765-4470
WHAT WILL YOU PIONEER?
To find out why Western Reserve Academy has been ranked among the top boarding and day schools in the nation, visit WRA.net or call 330.650.9717.
CROSSROADS
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TRANSGENDER TEENS By Diana Simeon
In more and more communities across the United States, transgender teenagers are comfortable coming out. That’s good news. But it’s also meant a learning curve—sometimes a steep one—for parents who are unfamiliar with transgender issues. And that’s most of us, as it’s estimated that less than one percent of the U.S. population (around 1.4 million people) identify as transgender. We talked with experts about what it means to be a transgender teenager—and how adults can best support transgender teenagers, especially during early adolescence. What does it mean to be transgender?
relieve the suffering that can occur when a person feels like they’re in the wrong body. This can include taking steps to make a person’s outer appearance match up with his or her gender identity (called transitioning). Experts also recommend therapy, as transgender individuals are at significant risk for a number of mental health issues, including anxiety, self-harm behaviors, and depression. “The therapist should have training in adolescent development and, preferably, also in gender issues” explains Dr. Natalie Nokoff, a pediatric endocrinologist at the University of Colorado School of Medicine.
We are all born with a biological sex. During childhood, we also develop a gender identity, which is our sense of ourselves as male or female. For most of us, our biological sex matches our gender identity (that’s called being cisgender). But for some of us, it does not. A biological male may feel instead that he is female and vice versa. These individuals are transgender. Gender dysphoria is the clinical term for what transgender individuals experience. Adolescents with gender dysphoria will express a strong desire to be a different gender and to be treated as such (not fleetingly, but for a significant period of time and likely for life); they are also often deeply distressed by the physical characteristics of their biological sex; and their distress may be so severe that it impairs day-to-day functioning.
Isn’t middle school and even high school early to make a decision like this?
Studies show that gender dysphoria in early childhood often does not persist into adolescence. But they also show that gender dysphoria that lasts through adolescence usually does persist into adulthood. Brushing off an adolescent’s feelings with “it’s just a phase” (or worse) is not only not helpful, it can increase the likelihood the adolescent will develop a mental health issue down
How is gender dysphoria treated in adolescence?
The goal is not to change the way an adolescent feels about his or her gender identity. Rather, it’s to
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CROSSROADS
How should I address my child’s transgender friends?
the road. Instead, experts urge parents with adolescents experiencing gender dysphoria to make an appointment with their pediatrician.
What does it mean to transition?
Adolescents with what experts describe as an “insistent, persistent, and consistent” transgender identity often elect to begin transitioning to the gender with which they identify. The first step is typically a “social transition.” This means they start to make changes that help them feel like their appearance— and social experience—lines up with their gender identity. They may dress differently, use a different name (and pronoun), or hang out with different friends. Some adolescents may, if their parents consent, decide to take what are called puberty blockers. These drugs, called gonadotropin-releasing hormone analogs, pause pubertal development and prevent development of secondary sex characteristics (facial hair, breasts, etc.). Why do this? Because developing the secondary-sex characteristics of a gender with which an individual doesn’t identify can be deeply distressing. Puberty blockers can prevent that from occurring, giving the adolescent time
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to mature and be sure of his or her gender identity and what next steps to take. “These are generally pretty safe medications,” says Nokoff. “And they are totally reversible.” It’s helpful for those of us on the outside of such decisions to understand that this is not a one-day-to-the-next process. Adolescents who are struggling with gender dysphoria—and their families— typically spend considerable time in counseling and working with their doctors before taking such steps. The process of more permanently transitioning to a different gender starts with hormone treatments; guidelines by the Endocrine Society and World Professional Organization for Transgender Health recommend beginning at age 16, but some clinics may prescribe these medications at a younger age with parental consent and a letter of support from a therapist. Note that before the age of 18, a child must have parental approval to receive any medical treatment. In general, stresses Nokoff, there is no one-size, fits-all approach here. “Everybody is different and how one kid approaches it will be different than how another does.”
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Many transgender teenagers will decide to use a different name, as well as a different pronoun (he, she, they, etc.). Adults should honor these decisions. “You could say, ‘Hey, I’m noticing you’re wearing some different clothes than you’ve worn before. I don’t want to make assumptions. Is there a preferred way you’d like me to refer to you?,’” recommends Joel Baum, senior director with the California-based not-for-profit Gender Spectrum. “That’s a way of asking respectfully.”
How can I support a transgender teenager?
I t ’s t o u g h t o b e a t r a n s g e n d e r teenager. You’re often harassed. You’re discriminated against. You’re at a significantly increased risk for a slew of mental-health issues. In fact, a staggering 41 percent of transgender adults have attempted suicide. This is not an easy path to walk. But, stresses Baum, how parents and other adults respond to transgender teenagers can make all the difference. “The number one indicator for the health and wellbeing is parental support or lack thereof,” he stresses. “Without it, they are in deep trouble.”
And other adults? What can they do?
Be sensitive and supportive of both the teenager and his or her parents. Avoid detailed questions; it’s not your business. Instead simple expressions of support—“How are you doing?”—are more than sufficient. But perhaps most helpful of all: take time to understand the issues, recommends Baum. “Think about your own experiences with gender,” he says. “Learn more. Become more informed.” n
SOCIAL ADVOCATES FOR YOUTH (SAY) In Your Schools, In Your Communities
“By addressing issues like bullying, violence, substance abuse and mental health problems, SAY helps us maintain a school climate that is conducive to success.” - Dr. Gregory C. Hutchings, Jr. Superintendent, Shaker Heights Schools SAY Services in School
Who We Are
• Intervention and support for students and families • Prevention education in the classroom • Screening for substance abuse, depression and other risky behaviors • Consultation with teachers, school counselors and administrators
SAY Services in the Community • Student Leadership Council and Summer Leadership Institute to help teens develop leadership skills through team building, volunteering and peer-led prevention activities • Parent Roundtable to promote parent education and provide guidance in connecting with teens in positive ways
Our Mission
SAY’s mission is to prevent youth from engaging in highrisk behaviors so they choose to lead positive, productive lives.
Our Vision
To create stronger communities by strengthening the lives of youth and their families.
• Collaborative Group for Northeast Ohio professionals to share information and ideas to strengthen youth, families and communities
For Information: Chris Ruma-Cullen, LISW-S, CDCA Director of SAY
SAY – Social Advocates for Youth is a school-based prevention and early intervention program of Bellefaire JCB for students in middle and high school. SAY services are offered in eight east suburban school districts in Cuyahoga County: Beachwood, Chagrin Falls, Cleveland Heights-University Heights, Mayfield, Orange, Shaker Heights, Solon and South Euclid-Lyndhurst.
216.320.8203 cullenc@bellefairejcb.org www.e-say.org
ASK THE DOC
ASK THE DOC
Foot and Ankle Issues in Teenagers Dr. Michael Nirenberg, DPM, is a podiatric physician, surgeon, and forensic podiatrist.
What types of foot or ankle issues do you typically see with adolescent patients? Pediatric foot problems are some of the most common problems we treat. In the 1215 year old age group, teens may develop foot or ankle problems from daily use or from a sports-related injury. You may notice your teen limping, or they may tell you something hurts. Some common problems that we see in this age group are heel pain, ingrown toenails, ankle sprains and strains from sports, plantar warts, and flat feet. What is heel pain, and why is it so common? The growth plate in the back of our heel bone begins to come together and solidifies at around 12 to 14 years old. Activity and physical stress can inflame and irritate this growth plate and cause 42
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Teenagers often don’t pay much attention to their feet, but they can develop foot and ankle issues that cause significant discomfort and interfere with normal activity. When should your teen see a podiatrist? We asked Dr. Michael Nirenberg, DPM, with the Friendly Foot Care Clinic in Crown Point, Indiana.
pain. When there is too much repetitive stress on the growth plate, inflammation can develop that can worsen with activity and sports. Pa r e n t s a n d c o a c h e s should know that if a teen has heel pain, this pain is real and should never be dismissed. The treatment is often rest, taking an anti-inflammatory, and soaking in warm water with Epsom salts (which is an old-time remedy but can be very effective). If your teen has Sever’s Disease— inflammation of the heel's growth plate—my advice is that you see a podiatrist to determine if a custommade orthotic (special arch support) will help. Teens with Sever’s Disease may still be able to participate in sports if they can stop and rest when the heel begins to hurt. Explain to your teen that pain is our body’s way of telling us that something is wrong. When it starts to hurt,
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then they are done for the day. How do you treat shin splints? Shin splints can be very painful. Depending on the severity, we will make custom orthotics, particularly if the patient has an abnormal foot structure, such as pronation (the tendency for the arch to collapse and the foot to splay outward), flat feet with little or no arch, or high arches. Custom orthotics made for your foot are key to help a painful, abnormal foot feel better. Over-the-counter supports like Dr. Scholl’s are not the same, as they are designed for the perfect foot; not necessarily your foot. What about ingrown toenails? Us u a l l y i n g r o w n n a i l s are caused by some type of trauma to the toenail, whether it’s from wearing a shoe that’s too tight, having
the toe stepped on, or even kicking a ball. When I see a 15-year-old with an ingrown nail, it’s often gotten to the point where it is infected because the patient has waited too long to deal with it. When the toe gets infected, there may be redness and even pus. Ingrown nails can be taken care of with a small procedure in the office; most podiatrists will numb the toe, take out the piece of nail that is ingrown, and treat the root of the nail with medicine to prevent it from growing back. What do you recommend for teens with athlete’s foot or fungal infections? Athlete's foot is caused by a fungus, usually occurring between the toes. The fungus mos t commonly attacks the feet because shoes create a warm, dark, and humid environment that fungus likes to grow
in. Symptoms may include dry skin, itching, burning, cracking, and blisters. Teens tend to hide their feet in shoes and socks, and parents often don’t see the infection until it becomes severe. Let your teen know they should always tell you when something is wrong with their foot or anywhere on their body. Athle te’s foot is easy to treat with prescription antifungal medication. Effective ways to lessen athlete’s foot are to air out your feet, spray your teen’s shoes with a disinfectant spray (such as Lysol), and leave the shoes wide open in direct sunlight. Spraying the shoes with Lysol disinfectant two times a week will kill many of the germs that like to grow in shoes. Teens should avoid walking barefoot in areas where fungus may be breeding. I recommend using shower shoes in public showers or locker rooms. Try to keep your feet dry, and change your socks frequently if your feet perspire heavily.
hands. For one plantar wart, I recommend a simple overthe-counter topical acid. If it doesn’t work in a few days, see a podiatrist to have it removed before it spreads. There are stronger prescription medications, and for multiple war ts,
patients may need laser surgery. To prevent warts from spreading to other family members or reinfecting your teenager, use bleach on the surfaces where your teenager walks barefoot or Lysol spray in shower or shared areas.
Parents should tell their teenagers to pay attention to their bodies and notice if there is something new or different on their body. So often I hear from parents, “I didn’t know; they never told me.” n
How about plantar warts? Plantar warts can be irritating and painful, and are very contagious and spread rapidly. Warts are much easier to get rid of when there is just one wart instead of 10. They can also spread to the
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ONE SMALL CHANGE
The Power of Telling Your Own Story By Cathie Ericson
C
ould reading about someone else’s rocky college start— and subsequent success— change an incoming student’s academic trajectory? That appears to be the case, based on research co-led by Professor David Yeager at the University of Texas at Austin. While his goal is to help firstgeneration students—a group typically prone to more difficulties with the college experience—Yeager's research applications extend to all teens and tweens.
Letting Someone Else “Feel Your Pain”
In the experiment, incoming UT freshmen read essays from current students about their experiences acclimating to college life. One group read messages from students who worried about not fitting in and not feeling smart enough when they first arrived, but these students eventually adjusted and became smarter as they attended classes. Another group read messages that were more mundane, focusing on how the new students adapted to the weather and culture of Austin. After reading several essays from one of the two groups, students were asked to contribute their thoughts on how they felt about embarking on their college path. They were told that their work would help future students— but the goal was really to help them internalize the messages they read and how they might apply to their own lives. Some interesting results came to light when the researchers analyzed the incoming students’ first semester progress. At UT, students are required to complete 12 credits per semester. Fully 86 percent of first-generation 44
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students who read the essays about not fitting in completed 12 credits, whereas only 82 percent of first-generation students who read the generic essays completed the credits. While a four percent spread may not seem like a big deal, it actually closes the gap by half between first-generation and non-firstgeneration students. Ninety percent of non-first-generation students completed the required credits, the same percentage as in previous years. T hat one inter vention put firstgeneration students almost on par with their non-first-generation peers.
“Teens don’t like to receive knowledge; they like to get it first hand. They want to be their own anthropologist of the society they live in and see it with their own eyes.” Applying the Results to Tweens and Teens
How can this research help our middle and high-school kids? Yeager says parents can set the stage for teenagers to internalize their own affirming messages. But here’s the catch: those affirming messages can’t come from us. For example, you’ve probably told your kids about failing a test or finding yourself alone during a partner activity. You’re trying to show them that it’s normal for school to be hard, and it’s
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normal to occasionally feel left out. You probably emphasized that all kids sometimes feel the way they do, but they don’t talk about it because it’s not cool. And your kids probably have rolled their eyes. The disconnect, says Dr. Yeager, comes from the messenger. “Teens don’t like to receive knowledge; they like to get it first hand,” he says. “They want to be their own anthropologist of the society they live in and see it with their own eyes.” And that’s why a key part of the essay exercise for the incoming freshmen— mostly 18-year-olds—was having them write their own message, ostensibly to share with the next year’s students. “We told them that the essay was to help a future student by sharing their own experience,” Dr. Yeager says. But really, it was a self-intervention, allowing them to process their own feelings. As Yeager notes, there’s something about having your own suffering be a lesson for others that makes it more bearable. “You’re able to tell yourself that some good came of it.” Those internalized lessons then help students the next time they encounter those same struggles. So if parents can’t cheer up a teen by sharing their own angst, what can they do? Dr. Yeager suggests giving the teen an avenue to process their experiences by having them be the messenger. Babysitting, tutoring, or even just hanging out with younger kids—neighbors or cousins, perhaps— provides opportunities for teenagers to share their own struggles. “When your teen tells younger kids these bumps are normal and it’s going to get better, they are liable to internalize that for themselves.” And then they actually believe it. n
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TECH TALK
Is Technology Killing Creativity? By Sharon Holbrook
I
f you ask a tween or teenager, we grownups always have complaints. Lately we’ ve been bellyaching about the annoying noise of kids endlessly flipping plastic water bottles, trying again and again to do it just so to get the bottle to land straight up on its bottom. What we’ve forgotten is that for once they’re not on their phones—the phones we’re normally wringing our hands about. And, certainly, we should be concerned about too much screen time. Consider, in addition to all our other worries about technology, that research shows that boredom leads to more creativity. Who can get bored with a device that offers worlds of music, games, 46
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instant answers, and endless connection to friends? In other words, where have all the daydreams gone? Kids may not think creativity matters much, especially if the y don’ t consider themselves artistic types. But creativity is a life skill, too, no matter what they wind up doing. “We need kids who will be able to think outside the box, to come up with novel ways of looking at problems,” says Richard Rende, psychologist and co-author of Raising Can-Do Kids. B o r e d o m makes the space for that. Rende says that when kids “get in the habit of finding ways to make their boredom go away, they will be training themselves in the criticalthinking, problem-solving,
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and innovation skills that they will need in the future.” What can parents do, then, to make room for this important sort of thinking to blossom? Of course, sometimes we just need to limit the technology usage. Our kids won’t always like that. Rende cautions us to be understanding, though. “Rather than get annoyed at kids, or chastise them for being bored since they have so much stuff these days to entertain them, simply treat it as a chance to encourage them to do something they don't typically do.” We can offer suggestions about offline activities, Rende says, but “the real thing is to foster these moments as chances for your kids to find their own thing to do.”
Devorah Heitner, founder of Raising Digital Natives and author of Screenwise: Helping Kids Survive (And Thrive) in their Digital World, agrees that “we have to forcibly unplug them sometimes,” but our job is much more complex than always saying no to screens. Heitner says our parenting role when it comes to screens should be that of a mentor, not merely a gatekeeper. We need to help kids understand that not all screen time is created equal— some is for schoolwork, some is for social connection, some allows for creativity, and some is just relaxing fluff. Instead of just imposing flat limits on the amount of screen time for tweens and teens, Heitner says we should look at what they’re doing
online, and “at creativity versus consumption because ‘screen time’ is kind of a meaningless term these days.” Kids can be creative in front of a screen—it’s not just passive entertainment. Those creative pursuits may include making videos, composing music, building their own games, and even writing fan fiction. “Sometimes we are snobs if our kid isn’t writing a play in iambic pentameter or composing classical music,” says Heitner, “but that doesn’t mean they’re not being creative.” Creative online work can also build an online social community for like-minded tweens and teens. Instead of kids always just consuming content from their favorite sites or YouTubers, encourage your child to be an active contributor, suggests Heitner. “The more your kid is a fan of a certain genre, the more you hope they’re contributing back. So if your kid is a fan of Minecraft videos, maybe they should be making some Minecraft videos and teaching other people what they’ve learned.” That might not be what we had in mind, just like an hour of water-bottle-flipping might not be what we have in mind for our kids’ offline time. But here’s the thing about creativity—it’s not supposed to be what we expect. It’s supposed to be innovative, startling, stretching. Sometimes it’s us parents that need to stretch a little, too. n OH_2016_YT_half.qxp_Layout 1 11/28/16 10:27 AM Page 1
Laurel girls today. Leaders tomorrow.
es t . 1896
At Laurel, girls are leaders in the classroom, on the field and on the stage. Through a demanding academic curriculum informed by our Center for Research on Girls, our unparalleled public-speaking coursework and our beyond-the-classroom experiences, girls at Laurel lead every day. In fact, the majority of our college-age alumnae say they were better prepared for leadership and public-speaking opportunities than their college peers. Come visit us to see how Laurel girls lead. Girls Kindergarten-Grade 12 and Coed Pre-Primary LaurelSchool.org 216.464.0946
Dream. Dare. Do. LYMAN CAMPUS One Lyman Circle, Shaker Heights, Ohio
BUTLER CAMPUS 7420 Fairmount Road, Russell Township, Ohio
SAVE THE DATE:
Middle and Upper Schools Open House Saturday, April 8, 2017 • 10:30 am - 12:30 pm
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MONEY MATTERS
Photo: Beth Segal
Why Everyone’s Teenager Should Help Pay for College By Joanna Nesbit
W
hen my daughter was accepted to her top college choice, she received a robust financial aid package. But even with that aid, the costs were beyond our means. So, we told our daughter that in order to attend, she would have to help by paying for books, personal expenses, and a $5,000 contribution toward tuition. She agreed and worked as a dishwasher during senior year to build up her bank account. College costs worry most families and, like our daughter, many teenagers will need to contribute to the bottom line. Despite this reality, most families don’t broach the topic until senior year after acceptances and financial aid packages arrive. But by that time, there is very little opportunity for the student to build a “college” fund. We had been clear with our daughter throughout high school that she would be expected to cover personal expenses and books,
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but until she chose to go to college out of state, we hadn’t nailed down a specific dollar amount. Saving earlier than senior year would have benefitted her.
TALKING COLLEGE COSTS
When is the best time to start talking about college costs? And should teenagers save to help out? To find out, I asked Ron Lieber, New York Times money columnist and author of The Opposite of Spoiled: Raising Kids Who Are Grounded, Generous, and Smart about Money. As a start, Lieber suggests telling your child that you’re saving for college (if you’re able to) to plant the seed that college is an expectation. Middle school or younger isn’t too early to cultivate the idea, nor is it too young to ask kids to set aside some of their own money, even just $1 or $2 a week, because it reinforces the expectation they’ll go, Lieber says.
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In fact, Lieber advocates that when it comes to college, every teenager should have “skin in the game” by helping to pay for some part of the cost, regardless of a family’s financial circumstance. By investing their own labor and money toward college, teens gain a sense of accomplishment and take the goal more seriously. “Even if you’re fortunate enough to be able to write checks for everything your child might need, you can do real damage by paying for everything,” Lieber says. “Kids need to know what it means to struggle, what it means to fend for themselves financially—and we’re doing them a disservice if we don’t grant them that opportunity.” It’s critical to begin teaching moneyminded skills while kids live at home and give them practice being in charge of specified expenses. Even if you don’t have your teen save toward college as a middle schooler (we didn’t), Lieber recommends that
“Every high schooler should spend at least one summer, preferably lots of summers, working for someone who’s not a relative.” “every high schooler should spend at least one summer, preferably lots of summers, working for someone who’s not a relative.” Younger teens can create jobs (most real jobs require kids to be 16), whether it’s babysitting, pet care businesses, or helping someone with technology tasks like moving photos from a phone to a computer.
WHAT SHOULD TEENS PAY FOR?
Every family will determine cost expectations differently, but Lieber suggests, at a minimum, students cover personal expenses with a summer job and part-time campus job. If a student is taking a car to school, those associated
costs should be on her, so she can decide if a car is worth it. Try to be reassuring but truthful in college discussions. For anxietyprone kids, discussing cost frankly can alleviate concerns they might have absorbed from you. Remind them you’ll work together toward an affordable option when the time comes. Be aware: Students’ savings accounts must be reported on financial aid forms (FAFSA and CSS PROFILE). Student assets count at a higher rate (20/25 percent) than parent assets (5.64 percent) and may increase the “expected family contribution.” Still, more savings is usually better than less. On earned income, students
can earn up to $6,400 before it has a major impact on EFC, says David Levy, editor at Edvisors.com, a website devoted to helping students and their families plan and pay for college. As a solution, consider having students pay for items such as laptops, microwaves, or other anticipated college bills before filing financial aid forms to pay down their bank accounts, Levy suggests. I can attest to the value of a student paying her own expenses. Now a freshman at her dream school, my daughter is a savvy textbook shopper, doesn’t rack up her credit card, and looks for inexpensive fun. n
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N o t r e D a m e C o l l e g e. e d u
TWEEN TALK
Why Doesn’t My Tween Want to Talk to Me? By Deborah Gilboa
“S
o, how's everything at home?” I asked a patient yesterday. Her answer nearly exploded from her lips. “What do I do about a 12-year-old who just doesn't want to talk to me anymore? Nothing 'happened' that I know of, but we used to talk about everything for hours and now when I sit down to talk, she just clams up!” A little later in the same day, I saw an 11-year-old from a different family for a well check. In answer to the same how's-it-going question, he asked, “Why do my parents want to talk all the time? Can't they just give me some space?” Super frustrating for tweens and their parents, this impasse is developmentally totally normal. Knowing that, though, doesn't keep me from banging my head against a wall when my own 12-yearold answers me with one word sentences and makes it clear he'd rather be left alone. Why do kids who used to be incredibly chatty start to get a lot more private at home? Psychologists call it re-centering. As a child's body and brain go through the huge changes of puberty, they become more inwardly focused. Often this manifests as stronger social attachments (friends) and
dad told me his solution is texting. “My son walks in the door and barely grunts at me, but he'll tell me long stories if I text him.” Another parent I know says that her daughter only wants to talk after the lights are out for bed. A big difference between toddlers and tweens is that tweens are worried about being judged. As their parents, we often have to judge them by their behavior, but that very important part of parenting can make them more closed off. So an inroad I've found is to look for all the chances I can to talk about totally safe, positive subjects. Humor, hobbies, what’s on Netflix are all topics that will open up conversation. If you're trying to get a tween to engage, try:
a more critical eye towards their own environment (family). Just like the toddler years, when similarly big changes are happening inside and out, tweens experience strong emotions and the sharp desire for autonomy. And, just like the toddler years, tweens are often frustrated that they're not in charge of most of the decisions in their lives, so they look for opportunities to approach us on their own terms. One of the things that tweens can control is communication. It's tempting for me to yell at my son that he has to talk to me. But that rarely works with anyone. Worse yet, it models disrespect, which is the opposite of what I want from him. Keeping communication open is incredibly important, especially as he spends more time away from us. That means I have to separate out when we have to talk from when I just want to hear what's up. Remember when your child was a toddler and you needed her to get dressed but she wanted to stay in her tutu and bathing suit? You gave her choices, like, “Do you want to put on the red shirt or the blue shirt?” or, “These pants or those?” In that same way, give your tween all the autonomy you can about when and where and how to communicate. One
What's the funniest meme you've seen this week? What's making you happy these days? Tell me the best thing that happened to you today? What's a job you would never want? Tell me a story about the most ridiculous thing you heard in school.
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That mom I saw in the office yesterday? I did ask her first to do her best to make sure that nothing had happened. When tweens experience something traumatic, they may not know how to bring it up, or if they should. So if your parent alarm bell is ringing, don't ignore it. Once you're comfortable that there is nothing truly worrisome going on, just be persistent. Tweens and teens tell me that they want to be in good communication with their parents, but they're not always sure how to manage it with all the new pressures and feelings they are experiencing. You can find great lists of questions online that will start a fun, funny, or meaningful conversation in ways designed to appeal to tweens and teens. The tricks are, 1) ask something that can't be answered in just one word and, 2) don't be hurt when it doesn't work. Keep trying, your tween does want to talk to you. You both just have to figure out how and when. n Deborah Gilboa, M.D. (a.k.a. “Dr. G”), is a family physician and author of Get the Behavior Your Want . . . Without Being the Parent You Hate. Follow her on Twitter @AskDocG or learn more at AskDoctorG.com.
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HOT TOPICS
Meet
Hannah Storm
If you watch ESPN’s SportsCenter, then you already know Hannah Storm. The award-winning journalist is host of SportsCenter’s Face to Face with Hannah Storm. She’s also a mom of three, runs the Hannah Storm Foundation, and produces and directs documentary films through her own company, Brainstormin’ Productions. We caught up with Storm to find out more. Did your kids play sports? They all played different sports. In our household we’ve been through everything. I even wrote a book about it called, Go Girl! Raising Healthy, Confident and Successful Girls through Sports. I didn’t push my girls, but I wanted them to be physically active. My youngest plays a sport each season while my oldest is not very physically active. It was a challenge to get my lessactive daughter to do a sport. In the end, she did yoga a few times a week. Were you a good sports mom? I think I’m pretty well-educated in this area because of Go Girl!. I definitely know the basics. I don’t coach my kids in the car. I don’t tell them what to do in the game. I understand how to behave at a sporting event. I love to yell and cheer encouraging things at my daughters, but I have gotten the look that says, “Be quiet now,” from my daughters. What’s the conversation in the car on the way home? I try not to make it about whether they won or lost. I ask, “How do you think 52
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you played?” or “What do you think about the game strategy?” I’m more of an individual cheerleader. Trying to help them keep their confidence.
in, and then she sets up her classes for the semester.
So two daughters are in college now. What kind of a mother were you in the college admissions process? I think it is the most unforeseen stress that you go through as a parent. People talk about partying, drugs, relationships. But nobody prepares you for the college process. And you can’t conceive of how stressful and consuming it is. Visiting schools, filling out applications, acceptance and rejection. The flat-out amount of effort to apply. It’s over the top. What it took for my girls to get into their schools took away from the joy of high school. It starts now in freshman year. It shouldn’t loom over their heads all of high school.
Female public figures get a disproportionate amount of mean comments on social media. How do you handle social media haters? Before social media, I would get an occasional piece of mail from people who were uncomfortable seeing a woman in a traditionally male field. With social media, it’s much more present. Social media can be downright mean. It’s meant to hurt. You have to have a very tough skin, and you have to filter it out and understand that it comes from a place of bigotry and spite. The haters make an effort to be mean because it takes effort to type words. I try to talk to my own daughters about not putting a lot of stock in what happens on social media.
Will you be different for your youngest daughter? I put a moratorium on speaking about college with my 10th grader. The only things we talk about are the classes she takes. We discuss what she’s interested
Are your three daughters hurt on your behalf? They are smart enough to not take it too seriously. I tell them that you can’t internalize what people say on social media—neither the good nor
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the bad. Sometimes they find it funny. If something is trending, they might make a comment. They follow their own social media a lot more than they are following mine. What’s your message to your daughters about social media? The model is made to be addictive. Technology robs us of down time. We are all together but only half talking. There is a real level of distraction from everyday life. It takes away from homework and personal interaction. Nothing is happening at 100 percent. What technology rules do you have in your house? No phones at the dinner table. I am relentless on that. I am an absolute stickler. If I see you start looking under the table, then you must put your phone on the table flipped over. This is one of my biggest parenting challenges.
What’s one frustration with social media that you’d like to change? For the most part, my daughters don’t love to read. When they have down time, they’ll flip through social media instead of reading. I think it is due to technology. Lack of reading to me is really sad. I think they are missing out. But I also think some of my advice here falls on deaf ears with my girls. They are going to have to learn it on their own. Rumor has it you love heavy metal. I got that reputation because my first job was as a heavy metal DJ. My family is very into all types of music. I let my girls control the music in the car, so I know a lot of music. My three daughters are deep into alternative bands, and their taste is very diverse. One daughter wants to go into the music industry. She’s studying that at college. Did you ever monitor their music? Not really. I would listen to their
music and then chat about the lyrics with them. I wanted my daughters to be aware of misogynistic artists who don’t respect women. We had these talks starting in 6th grade. I am that way with anything they consume. I tell them, “Be smart consumers.” Did they get the message? I think so. Sometimes I got those eye rolls. Once, when my oldest daughter was little, she said to me, “Mom, you’re such a feminist.” And I said, “Thank you.” Are you raising your kids differently than you were raised? My parents were pretty strict. I think there were times when I could have been more so. In general, my kids are bolder and more outspoken than I was as a kid. I would have been terrified to say some of the things they say. It’s a double-edged sword—we raised them to be confident and to speak their mind. n
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SMALL STUFF
The Clothing Wars
D
jeans and cut-up t-shirts— think Madonna's 'Lucky Star' period,” Simpson says. She recalls a particular exhibitionist phase when she thought it was fun to wear men’s boxer shorts to school. Fashion, she eventually reasoned, changes as quickly as the seasons. But the one thing that remains constant through the years is parents' disapproval of their teenage daughters’ choices. Indeed, the history of the
Photo: Beth Segal
ina Simpson used to get upset with her daughter when she wanted to wear leggings to school. “They were so revealing, like she'd put on a pair of stockings and forgot the rest of the outfit,” the Ohio-based mom recalls. But as offensive as the leggings seemed, they were not half as bad as the outfits Simpson herself used to don as a teenager in the 80s. “I wore a ton of ripped, baggy
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American teenage-parent clothing wars dates back to at least the turn of the century, says Beth Dincuff Charleston, a professor of fashion history at Parsons The New School for Design in New York. Mothers in the 1890s, for instance, wore stiff corsets and closefitting dresses in order to fit the Gibson-girl, waspwaisted feminine ideal of the time. So they were horrified when their daughters started wearing blouses and ditching the stiff undergarments. “Girls were going for more of a practical than feminine look,” Charleston explains. Parents and grandparents were similarly outraged when teen girls began chopping off their hair—long a symbol of femininity and beauty— into short bobs and wearing flapper dresses with calflength stockings in the 1920s. “It was a brazen act to show your knees,” Charleston says. “It was definitely something their mothers wouldn’t do.” It was the same story in the 1950s, when some teenage girls started wearing jeans and overalls—a style borrowed from their brothers and male classmates. “They liked them for the same reason we like boyfriend jeans today— they were comfortable. It can be nice not to have to wear tight clothing all the time,” Charleston says. Mothers, however, accused their teenagers of looking sloppy—and forbade them from wearing pants outside the house. In the 1960s, with the
By Rebecca Meiser
advent of the bikini and the mini-skirt, parents were less worried about their daughters’ sloppiness and more worried about their sexiness. “Parents would not let their daughters out of the house because they feared their clothes—or lack thereof—would turn boys on,” Charleston says. For the first—but not the last time— girls were cautioned and ordered to dress in more conservative layers, so as “not to attract the wrong type of attention,” Charleston says. The restrictions didn’t work. The 70s brought about hot pants, halter tops, and mini dresses—pieces that now even mothers—like Carol Brady— were wearing unapologetically. Modesty proponents didn’ t think things could get any more risqué, until girls began wearing underwear (slips, bras) as outerwear in the 1980s, largely as a result of Madonna’s influence. “The argument then was: Is this just fun, or are some girls too young to realize how sexy they are being?” Charleston says. And this argument continues today, at the kitchen table, in the car, and in dressing rooms, as teenage girls gravitate toward dresses with revealing cut outs and high slits—inspired by music videos and red-carpet styles. Though ostensibly these fights may seem to be about the proper width of a spaghetti strap, often what these arguments are
really about are control. “We need to remember that it’s developmentally normal for teens to seek out friction with their parents—and clothing choices are a pretty tame way to do that,” says psychologist Lisa Damour, author of Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions Into Adulthood. If you are really unhappy about your teen’s navelbaring shirt, for instance, Damour suggests you’ ll have the greatest effect approaching the discussion from a dispassionate position. “ Teenagers don’ t always
right,” says Damour. “The way to get it wrong is to just lay down the law without trying to understand each other’s positions or to say nothing at all when it is clear that your teenager is wearing something grossly inappropriate.” One way to stave off these morning fights is to adopt a “mutual veto” rule while shopping together in the first place. “It’s a great lesson I’ve learned along the way,” Damour says. In a mutualveto scenario, both you and your teenager are allowed to veto clothing selections.
understand how things are coming off,” she says. “A nice first step is to give them kind of collegial feedback. You can say, ‘You should be prepared that that shirt might bring extra attention your way. I just don’t want you to be surprised by that.’” Where the conversation goes from there depends a lot on your individual family’s norms. Some parents can get away with saying, “You’re not allowed to wear that,” and others might give more leeway. “As with most ways of parenting, there are a lot of ways to get this
You keep shopping until you find an item that hasn’t been vetoed. The good news is that bad clothing choices—unlike say, bad drinking and driving choices—are not likely to harm your teenager. Despite Simpson’s outrageous teenage style, “I somehow grew into an adult woman who knows what's appropriate to wear when,” she says. “I have faith my daughter will too … hopefully,” she laughs, though she still really, really hates those leggings. n
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SNAPSHOT
”My Son is a Tech Addict“ By Diane Moca
My 16-year-old son is an addict.
I know he’s an addict because of the first thing he reaches for every morning, and all day long; it’s the thing he never wants to put down at night and sneaks into bed hours after his parents have gone to sleep. His electronic devices. Whenever he doesn’t have somewhere to be or something to do, he wants his fix. And he fights like hell if I try to take it away. In the summer, his first choice is his Xbox, which he uses to play games like Grand Theft Auto (which I hate). During the school year, his game controllers are hidden away in my room. So his first choice is his phone, which he uses to watch YouTube videos or movies (including those I forbid), to play mindless games, to share perhaps too much of his life on social media, and to communicate with friends. His next choice is his computer, which he uses for many of the same purposes, though he sometimes uses it to write programs, build apps, or create music. I know that I allowed these devices and games to enter our home, even if he paid for them. I resisted the violent games until he was a teenager. I eventually relented, knowing he would choose to spend more time at the houses of other kids who had those games. At least at home, I can monitor how much time he spends on them. 58
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And that’s where the problem comes in. Like so many parents, I try to control how much time he spends with his electronics. And it just gets harder and harder as he gets older. When he’s home and on his electronics, I can get lots of work done. No driving around. He doesn’t bother me—doesn’t even ask me to make him something to eat. But it makes me sick to see him on the couch, hour after hour, staring at a screen. I feel it’s my job as a parent to direct him to other activities—to get him to ride his bike, or to take care of his chores around the house, or practice music, or do homework. Yet, all attempts are met with serious resistance. The battle is exhausting—I threaten to take the device (or sometimes all of them), and he begs for a few more minutes and promises to do some chore or practice music after he “finishes the game.” I come back 15 minutes later, and nothing has changed. That’s when the yelling starts; the threats turn to physical attempts to grab the phone—and then he usually gets up and digs in his backpack for a school folder or takes some other minor action to get me to leave the phone in his pocket or the game controller on the coffee table. When I do end up taking all his devices, my confiscation usually achieves the desired effect: he does his chores, practices music, works on homework, eats healthy meals.
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But there's the flip side. When my kids spend time without electronics, they end up running around annoying each other, breaking little things, terrorizing the cats, calling for my help or interference or my expertise in making them food. My productivity decreases drastically, and that's a problem, whether I'm working from home or just trying to squeeze in more loads of laundry. Some of it can be enjoyable (helping my daughter try a new recipe), but much of the time it is frustrating (coming upstairs for the 20th time to get him to leave her room). So what do I do? Just give up my attempts to control their electronic usage? Keep threatening and confiscating and depleting my time and energy to entertain them or keep them out of trouble? I’ve tried offering rewards. They earn money for chores; we do special things like go out for ice cream when they put down the devices and take care of priorities without getting hassled. But nothing is as powerful as the pull of the glowing screen. I even issued a challenge: $100 to the kid who can go the most days without picking up any devices. They both thought they could go two or three days. They didn't even make it one day. But then again, neither did I. They insisted I do the same thing—stop answering the business calls and texts and emails that pull me to my cell phone or computer hour after hour. I couldn't do it either. Hmmmm. Who’s the addict now? Like so many other parenting dilemmas, perhaps role modeling is the only method that will truly have an effect. Time to work on my own urge to respond to the next ping or buzz. n Diane Moca is a married mother of a 16-year-old boy and 13-year-old girl in the Chicago suburbs and a freelance journalist who blogs about juggling work and kids at OverAchieverMom.com.
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ALL ABOUT ME Must it always be about them? All About Me is a chance to talk about something other than your teen—finally.
Stuck on Replay By Stephanie Schaeffer Silverman
7:45 P.M. I just don’t get it. The dinner dishes are cleared; the kitchen is officially “closed.” My head is spinning with the competing interests in my head—finish the Sunday Times, do a little more work, actually make some progress on the book I’m reading—I don’t even know where to begin. As I head into the family room to see where the family has settled, I can hear the sound of light sabers. “You are not watching this again, are you?” I know the answer. And there they are, father and son, glued to the television, watching Darth Vader (James Earl Jones) tell Luke that he is his father. “So what?” I ask, a bit aggressively. “So he’s his father—who cares?” They look at me like I have six heads. “Luke has been fighting him for two of the movies—Darth Vader is evil and Luke is all that is good. For him to realize Darth Vader is his father is like—it’s like the worst thing he can imagine.” Todd offers, a bit defensively. I tilt my head like the dog does when we pose a question to her. “But he knew he had a father, right? And doesn’t Darth Vader mean Dark Father? Why is this a surprise?” They look at each other as if my IQ is hovering around 50—at best. 60
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“Okay, I get it. He’s disappointed. Move. On.” I offer, through clenched teeth. 7:55 P.M. I mosey back to the kitchen to grab my water, bypassing the kitchen table to move some clothes from the washer to the dryer, and that’s when I see the mess in the mudroom. I rearrange the boots, endless sneakers and recyclable items waiting to get themselves out to the garage. 8:15 P.M. As I walk back toward the kitchen, I see the pile of bills on the table—ugh, meant to get to those yesterday. I grab the checkbook and sit down with the stack. The tasks are endless. Cue big sigh. 8:55 P.M. I start to walk back toward the family room when I remember the items in the dryer that cannot be “fully dried.” I remove the workout gear, favorite t-shirts and undergarments from the dryer. The Times Styles section beckons me. It goes unanswered. All of those magna cum laudes will have to wait—I have many more important things to do. 9:05 P.M. I walk back toward the family room. I notice the pile of books in the living
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room that I had assembled after we cleaned out one of the kid’s rooms a few weeks ago. I review them again to make sure we aren’t throwing away any that we would want at some point for as-yet-to-be-conceived grandchildren. I can’t help but reread a few passages from Lemony Snicket’s Series of Unfortunate Events. I miss the Baudelaires; they have been replaced by Snapchat and Facetime. 9:45 P.M. That’s when I hear James Earl Jones’ voice again. But this time he’s not Darth Vader, he’s Terence Mann, telling a very young Ray Kinsella (Kevin Costner), to build a baseball field. “People will come, Ray; they’ll come to Iowa … they’ll arrive at your door, as innocent as children.” “Seriously, hon, you have seen this movie ten thousand times.” He wipes a tear from his eye. “I know, and it gets better every time.” He pats the couch, inviting me to watch with him. I roll my eyes, but take the invite anyway. More laundry, more work, more— “Is this heaven?” Ray’s father asks. “No, it’s Iowa.” “Wow, I could have sworn it was heaven.” I must have gotten some detergent in my eye. n
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companies or organizations in Northeast Ohio are owned or operated by JCU alumni
John Carroll University, a Jesuit Catholic university 10 miles from downtown Cleveland, inspires individuals to excel in learning, leadership, and service in the region and the world. You’ll find highly ranked programs in the sciences, business, education, and humanities. JCU students engage in internships, research, and service projects around the globe, including the exclusive NBC/John Carroll University “Meet the Press” Fellowship in Washington, D.C.; the UN’s World Food Programme in Rome; and at this year’s Republican National Convention, to name just a few.
The school you choose matters. Learn more at: go.jcu.edu/core • 888.225.6800
Bellefaire JCB 22001 Fairmount Blvd. Shaker Heights, Ohio 44118
NON-PROFIT ORG US POSTAGE PAID CLEVELAND, OH PERMIT NO. 355
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Biology major, Chemistry and Business minors ’17 College Natural Sciencesand andBusiness Mathematics Biology ofmajor, Chemistry minors ’17 College of Natural Sciences and Mathematics
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