626 CAPRICORN ROAD MOODY ROMANCE
FEBRUARY 2018
A 92ARTIST Productions Publication
Part 1: Polaroid Crush Two Halves, One Soul Faded Pictures
Part 2: The Bad Boy and His Mystery Girl “What is Attraction?” Him to Her “What is Passion?” Her to Him
Part 3: Young, Wild, & Misunderstood Part 4: Magic Gone Grunge Flash, Drunk, Fire When Do You Know It’s Over? Goodbye is a Nasty Word
Part 5: Goodbye Lady Rebel Credits
PART 1 POLAROID CRUSH
TWO HALVES
ONE SOUL
The night before I met you was the worst night of my life. I thought I had found “the one”, but it turns out they didn’t want me anymore. I showed up the next night to party, not looking for anything. Then I saw you. This ageless creature with the radiant smile of a thousand suns. You were standing by the makeshift bar looking devilishly handsome, And I thought to myself, “You must be mine”. Little did I know you were thinking the same thing. You had looked over in my direction and noticed me.
I started making my way through the crowds And we locked eyes as I got closer to you. Your irresistible smirk and wild eyes programming me into your memory. A magnetic force bringing me into your space, And I wanted to spend the whole night orbiting your mind. You couldn’t call what we had an attraction because it was more than that It was beyond love at first sight It was fate that brought you to me. Or me to you. Whatever the reasoning, You and I were two halves destined to become one soul.
“Forbidden love is often the most pleasurable. And with you, my love, I’d would forever turn in your direction for my fix.”
FADED
PICTURES
It seems like just another night with you. Us sitting on the floor of your apartment, Drinking until sunrise.
Talking about nothing, But understanding everything. However, tonight feels different. We feel different.
A book of vintage memories lays at our feet. Washed-out tones coloring joyful nights and ventures. “Baby Says” playing in the background as we gaze at two people in love resembling us. God what a night we had. Just the two of us with nowhere to go, Basking in each other’s presences. A Polaroid camera becoming our source of entertainment. I remember when I gave that camera to you as a birthday present.
The look on your face spoke volumes and I couldn’t help but glow in excitement. That night in these photos was one of the best nights of my life. Conversations about nothing and everything leading to silly faces and hipster poses. If that night was a song, I’d press repeat and sing along forever.
I think that was the night I fell in love with you. I don’t think I ever told you that. Maybe it’s because
I fall in love with you every night, Like there’s a reset button in my head that gets pressed every time I close my eyes.
Waking up the next morning and staring at your beauty in admiration, Wondering how I got so lucky as to meet you.
Thanking the stars that we crossed paths, And praying that we’d never leave each other’s sides.
Knowing that my heart was in the right hands and your heart was the machine keeping me alive, And what a time to be alive.
If we capture these nights as if they were lighting in a bottle, We’ll always have these memories as the lifeline for our love.
PART 2
THE BAD BOY & HIS MYSTERY GIRL
What is attraction? What does it mean to be attracted to someone? Is there a difference between a physical and an emotional attraction? Or do the two go hand in hand? Can you be attracted to someone’s spirit or soul and not their mind or their body? What does it feel like? Is it really like lightning in a bottle? How do you know when you see “the one”? The one who is going to make you feel like no other. The one who had your heart as soon as they caught your eye. Is there such thing as love at first sight? Or do we tell ourselves that’s what it is because we have no other label to place on that feeling? What makes constant attraction? What is the stimulant that keeps you wanting more? What keeps you coming back? Is it an action or a series of words? Is it a noun or a verb? Can we truly describe what emotions surge through us every time that person crosses our mind? Or do you have to experience it on your own? What is attraction to you?
Rachel: Attraction can be a couple of different things. It’s can be a form of energy. You could be vibing one way and be attracted to someone who is feeling the same way. It’s an energetic, emotional connection. Then there’s other ones where you physically acknowledge them. You notice how they look, and it can invoke something positive. Stanton: I agree, it can mean something physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. It means connecting to one person or to many people. Going off someone else’s body language and energy. You can’t really explain where it comes from. You can try to analyze it, but you know that it’s there. It’s an instinct that you can naturally trust. I think that it comes down to it just being one person that is in their own category and the spirit of that person. Rachel: I know that a lot of people might not believe in love at first sight. There’s a lot of cases where you can slowly fall in love with someone or maybe your friends first, and eventually more feelings happen. I do believe that it can just happen, and you just know, and it goes back to having that connection immediately. Stanton: Definitely.
Rachel: I’m a big believer in energy and you can pick up on that whether you believe in it or are unaware of it. It can happen subconsciously. You see this person and you instantly connect with them and it can happen multiple times in your life. It doesn’t just have to be with one person. It could be someone you pass by and you instantly connect with them, but you don’t really know who they are. Stanton: I’m a romantic at heart and I think it’s just the old soul in me, especially living in a world where I believe people are just less genuine. I mean no one talks to each other anymore. No one meets each other like they used to 10+ years ago. I’ve always been in love with the idea of love at first sight and just having that connection. It’s always been in the back of my mind and I could never shake the idea that it could happen to me, and it has, so it does exist. It’s just as terrifying as it is beautiful. It’s a matter of trusting your gut instinct and trusting your heart. And when you see them, you know it. Rachel: Yeah, you’ll feel it. Stanton: It’s all about taking the risk and following through with it.
“Him to Her”
Hey Pretty Girl, It feels like it’s been forever since I’ve seen you. This distance is killing me. I wish you didn’t have to leave so soon. We could’ve spent more time with each other. I’ve been going crazy not being near you these past couple of weeks. I miss everything about you. The way your hair moves in the breeze. The way you hold my hand when we’re together. Our midnight conversations and our morning cuddles. I miss watching you read those mystery novels you love so much and seeing how excited you get every time you turn the page. I miss seeing you in the kitchen making coffee for us with those tired eyes and long yawns, not realizing how the early morning sun hits you gloriously when you stare out the window. God, I could go on and on about everything that I wish I had right now, but I know this job is important to you. I just wish I could’ve spent one more night with you. Then wake up in the morning and see your beautiful face sleeping so peacefully beside me. But I know that you’ll come back to me any day now and I’ll be here waiting for you with my arms open when you’re ready to fall into them. Knock ‘em dead, beautiful.
What is passion? Is it something that we feel or something that we see? What different types of passion do we recognize? Is it purely romantic or is it more than that? Do you have to be with someone in order to know what true passion is? Or can it be in your work? Your hobbies? Your likes and dislikes? Is passion and romance the same thing? Or do we categorize it differently so that others who are not romantically taken can experience passion in a different light? Why is it important to have passion in a relationship? Is it the only building block that fuels the stamina of a relationship? Is it a two-person job or is it something that you can do on your own? How much passion can you bring to the table at one time before you get sick of it? Is there such thing as too much passion? How would you describe it to someone who feels differently about it than you? In words? Colors? Sounds? Actions? How would you do it? What is passion to you?
What is Passion?
Rachel: The word that comes to mind is “fire.” And that could be with anything. I know we’re specifically talking about relationships and people in your lives, but passion can stem from anywhere with anything, really. It’s just a strong, strong love. Like the purest, most fiery love. Stanton: Love can not only mean you have a connection with one person or people. It can be things that bring joy. I don’t think we’ll be able to love without passion. Passion is up there where determination is. It’s what fuels you. It’s what fuels the human spirit to continue. Not being afraid to express or to be acknowledged and accepting it. Passion can be very terrifying and heartbreaking. However, you can’t live without passion because what is a life without passion or the need to continue. You can find passion in the littlest things in life Rachel: I also think that passion and romance aren’t the same. It can be. You can be in a romantic relationship and have passion, but you can also make romantic gestures and not have passion behind it based on the circumstance, especially if you’re not in a relationship yet. Then, it could go down the other route. The opposite side of that, which is sad, but that’s just life, where you do all these romantic gestures and it could never get to that point of passion.
What is Passion?
Stanton: It’s different for everyone. I don’t think they are the same thing. Romance can be blinding. You can’t really hide from passion. Romance is not a realistic point of a relationship Rachel: It’s not something that has to be there all day, 24/7. Stanton: It can’t all be good. I’m a big believer in the idea of “You can’t love me until you’ve see me at my worst”. Passion is very fiery. Very heated. You take that away and it can be something deeper. A deeper connection. It’s support. No matter how bad things are, you’re there for that person and vice versa, in both good times and bad. Passion can lead to a companionship which is, what everyone ultimately wants. Yes, communication, trust, and honesty are important, but at the end of the day, if you don’t have passion to fuel you, then you have nothing to fall back on. I think that’s the biggest difference. Romance is very nice, but it’s not a realistic thing to only want. If you’re in it for the romance, watch old Hollywood movies because that’s not real life. Real life is real life. Even though it can be good and bad, there’s nothing like the real thing. Rachel: I agree.
“Her to Him”
Hey Handsome, Boy, you sure have some abandonment issues. Haha. I guess you really miss me, huh? Well, the feeling is mutual. I know it’s only been a couple of weeks, but I haven’t been able to sleep since the first night I arrived. I got to my hotel and the first thing I pulled out of my suitcase was your sweater. I don’t know how it got into my bag, but I pulled it out and I immediately wished I was holding you instead of a piece of clothing. I haven’t been able to concentrate in any of my meetings, because you’re all I think about. I wish we had a few more nights together as well. Is it possible to be this much in love with someone? I’ve never felt this way about anyone before you and I’m glad I haven’t. I wouldn’t want to share this intense feeling with anyone else. I feel like this is something I should be saying to you in person instead of in a letter, but I guess there’s something romantic in reading declarations of love from the person that drives you the most insane. Is it possible to fall more in love with you with every word I write? Or is that too cheesy? You would think that I’ve switched to reading romance novels instead of my usual mystery ones. I guess I’ve just started seeingeverything with rose-colored glasses. That’s how much I’m crazy about you. Only one more week my love and I’ll be back where I belong. See you soon, stranger.
PART 3 YOUNG, WILD, & MISUNDERSTOOD
PART 4
MAGIC GONE GRUNGE
It was something that they never felt. A romance like nothing else.
Their “Once Upon a Time” was a story for the ages.
Until they betrayed one another with other lovers,
while their hearts became trapped in cages.�
FLASH
DRUNK
FIRE
LOVE
I awoke in the night and you were not here. The Black Keys lingering softly in the air. I looked around the room to see if there was any trace of you, But the opening chords of “Mind Eraser” begin to play, Ironic choice, isn’t it? Your absence started sinking into my mind, With your scent still soaked into the bedding. My breathing slows down as I play our goodbye in my head, And we just got to my favorite part. The part where I wasn’t surprised that you left. The part where I wanted you gone. Screaming ferociously for your absence
The playlist shifts and the opening banjo notes of “Psychotic Girl” score this memory. Feeling empty beside the imprint on what used to be your side of the bed. I get up and walk into the living room. Consumed with the need to erase you from this apartment. But I can’t. The elements have come and frozen your memory into my walls. Sounds of water achingly drip from the faucet. They suppress the silence of the night. I turn on the fireplace for warmth. The crackles of the fire add to the melody of the faucet.
My feet begrudgingly drag me to my couch and I plop down in exhaustion. The haunting colors of a blood-red orange burn into my eyes As I stare into the glowing flames. You once told me that there will be a day where we may not be together. I called you a liar. Little did I know that you predicted our future. A future that shouldn’t have been in the cards. But we fell victim to our faults. Flaws that gave us character through filtered lens. Now I sing a new song to the beat of a broken heart.
“The word ‘romance’, according to the dictionary, means excitement, adventure, and something extremely real. Romance should last a lifetime.” – Billy Graham
“Fools take a knife and stab people in the back. The wise take a knife, cut the cord, and set themselves free from the fools.” – Rachel Wolchin
“Falling for you was like falling down the stairs. I was in complete control at first, then, without warning, I was spinning, tumbling, and had no idea why or how.
Then, before I even knew what happened, I lay at the bottom; shocked, stunned, and so oddly aware that I still ended up exactly where I was trying to go.� – K. Towne Jr.
When do you know that your relationship is over? At what point do you feel like you can go on anymore with this person beside you? Is it a look? An action? A feeling? How do you know when something’s not right? When your relationship isn’t working anymore? What makes you feel like the person you were insanely attracted to is just another pretty face in the crowd? What makes the person you felt most passionate about just another check on your to-do list? When did you stop mention them in conversation to other people? When did you stop paying attention? When did you stop caring about their feelings? When did you stop trying? How do we put into words whether something works or not? How do we build the courage to say we’ve ran our course? When do we realize that we’re not meant to be anymore? When do we know that we’ve become just another stepping stone in each other’s lives? When do we know we’ve turned into another memory? When do you think we know?
Rachel: I feel like that’s probably different for everyone. Stanton: I think it’s when you don’t recognize the person you’re with anymore. They’ve become a different person. They’ve changed. You’ve changed. And you haven’t evolved together. You don’t talk like you used to anymore. There’s an invisible barrier that comes up and you must put in more work to keep your relationship going. You end up taking a step back to see what’s going on because you don’t recognize that person anymore emotionally and maybe even physically. There’s only so much you can do to make things work. It’s become you two occupying a space. You’re just passing through. There’s a difference between a routine in a relationship that’s easy to fall into and when you’re not comfortable being around each other anymore. That’s when you know time has passed, and you have a decision to make. Can you make this work? Is there something broken that you can fix? And who knows why, sometimes people just grow out of sync, especially if they’ve been together for so many years. It’s your relationship and you got work on it to keep it going.
Rachel: It’s also about listening to yourself. I’m big on intuition and it’s something that I’m working on personally because I’m one of those people that’s a people pleaser. I’d make sure everyone is happy and everything is good, and I wouldn’t pay attention to how I was feeling or if there’s any signs and I wasn’t paying attention to them. So, I think really tuning into your intuition, your feelings, and those instincts can help you realize sooner than later that something may be wrong. Stanton: We change, and we evolve over time. If you go back 5 years ago or even 10 years ago, I was nowhere near mature or grounded enough to invest the time to break down those barriers and care for someone besides myself. Not saying that it isn’t possible to live without love, but there’s a point and time where you do need it. I always say that a relationship will come to you when you’re ready for it, but sometimes you may not be in that mindset. Some people don’t know how to be alone. Some people aren’t even the same person anymore that they were years ago. So, I agree that checking in with yourself and your partner is just as important. Intuition is a very big part of it.
Goodbye is Such a Nasty Word
“Be careful who you trust, the devil was once an angel.� - Ziad K. Abdelnour
I’ve hated goodbyes ever since I can remember. They sound permanent, Like we’ll never cross paths in this lifetime again. It’s daunting when it appears, Like a grim reaper coming to take you to Judgment Day. That’s how I felt when we reached the end of you and me. When you didn’t want me anymore and I couldn’t wait to get rid of you. I remember it vividly. It was a Thursday morning and I was in the kitchen of our studio loft. I was making myself a cup of coffee and I sat down to read the morning paper. After my fourth sip I suddenly realized that I didn’t make your cup. It wasn’t the act that caught me off guard, It was that I didn’t care anymore whether you had a cup of coffee or not. So, I continued my morning as if nothing had disrupted it. It’s a shame when you get those feelings, Feelings of apathy masking all the adventures taken and the memories made. Indifference silences the late-night conversations and the morning reflections. We both felt the cold wash over us.
The state of our relationship had changed from summer to winter. Our last day of magic was yesterday and I never felt so relieved Not to carry the burden that was our love on my shoulders anymore. When my heart was returned to me, I felt bad that you kept the receipt because I had thrown mine away after I told you I loved you. I was so sure I would never need another lover for as long as I lived, But I was wrong and now I can’t give you a brand-new heart to start again with someone else. The one I gave back has irreparable cracks and busted vessels From the thousand times I tore you apart with my words. I used to say your name in the tone of a thousand love-stoned poets. Now my tongue falters after the first syllable. You used to look at me like Hermes flying towards the sun. Now I’m nothing more than a tattered painting forgotten in time. Breaking our lease was the easiest part, Saying goodbye to what was once a feverish bond between us was the hardest.
PART 5
GOODBYE LADY REBEL
“Love is giving someone the power to destroy you…but trusting them not to.” – Unknown
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Models: Rachel Westergaard and Stanton Longoria Photos by: Ceirra Burton Written Work by: Ceirra Burton
Next Issue Release Date: March 26th, 2018 Theme: “Ethereal Complex�