626 CAPRICORN ROAD
JUNE 2018
SUMMER HUBRIS A 92ARTIST Productions Publication
CONTENTS
pg 3 Message from the Editor/Credits pg 5 This Month’s Theme pg 8 BLACK GIRL MAGIC forever melanated pg 30 LOUD AND PROUD Living Your Best Life
pg 51 THE ARTIST AT WORK Beware of Artists, They’re Natural-Born Liars pg 72 HOMETOWN PRIDE Grateful for the Suburbs
FEATURES pg 15
The Lonely Girl Letter pg 32
My Coming Out Story pg 70
How TCM Made Me Appreciate the Art of Performing pg 82
Know Thy Neighbor
2
WRITING pg 24
pg 54
Women of Many Colors
Camera Lenses
pg 39
pg 61
Scarred Hearts Don’t Heal
Hollywood Paralysis
pg 44
pg 78
A Letter to My Younger Self
Attachment
pg 88
Songs that Inspired This Issue (The June Issue Playlist) 3
MESSAGE FROM THE EDITOR Hey everyone! My name is Ceirra Burton, and I am the creator and editor-in-chief of 626 Capricorn Road. Thank you so much for taking the time to read the June issue. 626 Capricorn Road is a magazine that is ever-changing and with this month’s issue, I wanted to showcase different types of pride and what each one means to me. I’m excited for you guys to take in the photos and writing that represent the theme. I hope you guys enjoy the journey you are about to go on as you explore the artsy world of 626 Capricorn Road. Happy reading!
Website: www.626capricornroad.com Instagram: @626capricornroad Tumblr: 626capricornroad.tumblr.com Twitter: @626CapRoad Facebook: 626 Capricorn Road Pinterest: 626capricornroad Photography by: Ceirra Burton Written Work by: Ceirra Burton 4
This Month’s Theme For the month of June, I wanted to talk about the idea of having pride in yourself and what you do. “Hubris” is the Greek word for “pride”. Pride to me is doing something that you love and being proud of your accomplisments. As an artist, I take pride in my dedication to my craft and my drive to learn all that I can about it. I also take pride in being a young black female entrepreneur. Not many people in their 20’s can say they own their own business, which I see as a huge accomplishment for myself. I’ve also learned over time to take pride in being a part of the LGBTQ+ community and not being afraid to live my best life, loud and proud. However, the foundation of my pride comes from my love for my hometown, Pasadena, California. Growing up, I never appreciated how lucky I was to be born and raised in an eclectic, suburban environment. Now as an adult, I have such immense pride in where I’m from and this spilled over into every other aspect of my life. So, I wanted to showcase my definition of pride in the writing and photos presented in this issue. The photos were taken around Pasadena and the writing was inspired by the experiences I’ve had in the past several months. So, without further ado, let’s celebrate our summer hubris!
- Ceirra Burton 7
BLACK GIR
forever m 8
RL MAGIC
melanated 9
Dipped in ch Bronzed in Enameled wi Toasted wit My Lord, she woma
- Dr. Yo Ben-Joch
hocolate elegance ith grace th beauty e’s a black an
osef hannan
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THE LONELY GIRL LETTER To Whom it May Concern: I don’t know how I thought about writing this letter. It’s something that’s scared the shit out of me, but I felt like I needed to get these thoughts out of my head before they consumed me. Ever since I can remember, I’ve felt different. Not a part of the norm. A face in the crowd but walked through life on the sidelines. I’ve always wondered why this was the case. It wasn’t like I chose to be someone that didn’t feel like they fit in. It was something I slowly realized was a factor in my life. A first impression of me (or so I’ve been told) is that I look shy or unapproachable, which is weird to me. I keep to myself sometimes, but I don’t do it to isolate myself. Then when people get to meet me, the perception changes, but they are still in disbelief that I’m not who they envisioned. I never understood why that was the case. I never had any known enemies. I got along with people, but that didn’t mean I was getting invites to all the cool parties. I would know about them, but it wasn’t like people would immediately give me details. Things like that made me feel like I was in the group, but repeatedly asked to sit outside the circle. I longed for friendships that I saw positively portrayed on TV. To have people I can turn to at any moment and dump all my bullshit onto them, and they could do the same to me. To expand my circle outside of the core group I currently have now. It’s something I always wondered if it was possible for me to have people who checked in on me first instead of the other way around. I like to think I’m the friend you can turn to for advice and be the person you can trust. Loyalty is something I value 15
a lot. It’s something I look for in others. However, it can feel like I spend too much of my time and energy befriending the “seekers” and “takers”. Those who take what they need from the people who are the most helpful to them, then leave when their needs have been satisfied. I’ve had my fair share of those people and learned you can’t change them. Amid feeling excluded or “not in on the joke” being on the outside of the fishbowl, I’ve been able to sharpen my observation skills. Learning about people’s behavior and begin to build your narrative on them.
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I’ve begun to realize what I look for in people I want in my circle. I started focusing on how me and how I felt. I tuned into my own emotions and how I react to the world around me. It all sounds very heady, but it works with application when you practice self-care daily. I hope whoever reads this feels a little less alone and gains hope that there are others who feel the same way they do. Sincerely,
The Lonely Girl in Her Head
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WOMAN OF MANY COLORS They say we wear many faces in public We wear masks that look like us But they don’t feel like us We become various shades of colors Based on our emotions Blue for serenity wrapping us in its oceanic blanket Green for oozing out of pores for attention White for purity cleansing our souls and nurturing our minds Black for elegance creeping out of us like a detective in a noir mystery Red for passion spilling out of us like volcanic ash Yellow for happiness bathing us like the summer sun Purple for exuding a royal aura whenever we enter a room Pink for the blush washing over our cheeks Gray for the ambiguity that cools down our morals Brown for the neutrality we live in Orange for the bright hope we dream about in our sleep Every shade Every color Adds to our public features Every line of sentiment All that we feel Coloring inside the lines Until we burst 24
LO AN PRO
LIVING YOU
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OUD ND OUD
UR BEST LIFE
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MY COMING OUT STORY Coming out as queer is something that is a difficult to come to terms with at any age. Most people are fortunate enough to realize their sexuality early on, but others discover themselves later in life. This doesn’t diminish the weight of sharing your truth to the world, which is something I’ve feared for a long time before I finally accepted myself after years of secret shame. Having feelings for both guys and girls was something that I didn’t think was possible until I learned what being “bisexual” meant. Growing up, I didn’t have anyone to dissect my feelings with nor any information about the LGBT community. I started having crushes on girls at a young age. I could trace it back to first grade when I had felt more than admiration for my friends and my teacher. However, it was somewhere around 6th grade where I started becoming aware of what my feelings meant, and it was in high school where I fell for one of my best friends. We were super flirty with each other and at first, I didn’t think anything of it, until I fall hard into that “being in love with one of your best friends” stereotype. I didn’t want to be “just friends”. I wanted to more, but was too terrified to say anything, which looking back, I should’ve spoke up even if I was scared shitless. Once I realized what was happening, my teenage puppy love feelings were in full swing and I was afraid that people where going to find out about me not only liking guys but being into girls as well. It frightened the hell out of me, because even though there was some acceptance in the word during the early 00’s, it’s nothing like it was today. Technology and social media were starting to become popular, but there wasn’t much access to information that I could get a hold of to help me sort out of my feelings and there was barely anything I could find at school. The one thing that I was able to find was clips of TV shows and movies that depicted queer relationships. I devoured episodes of South of Nowhere and The L Word and got my hands on whatever queer movie I could find on the internet to have some sense of familiarity with a community I was desperate to be a part of as a teenager. It wasn’t much, and it wasn’t always positive, but it was something. It was a way to escape and empathize and understand that my feelings were valid. The application to real life, however, was another story. I would say that falling for one of my best friends in high school was the wake-up call I needed to start the process of accepting myself, even if I couldn’t say the words out loud. I feared my world would change drastically if I acknowledged my sexuality and accepted my feelings. I didn’t know too many queer people. We had a GSA club, but it was something I was scared to be associated with it, because people may look at me differently. Or even my home life would change if I talked about the clubs and activities I participated in at school to my parents. The last thing I wanted was the questions about being bisexual and if it’s something that I choose to become. Another fact was that I was an athlete and I excelled at school sports including basketball and softball. I stuck with softball longer and it didn’t hit me that I could be facing the stigma that softball players are gay or “man-ish”. Being a queer athlete frowned upon in sports industry. You knew there many players that identified as gay, lesbian, etc.., but the shame and
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negative media scrutiny kept them from living an authentic life. This was something I was afraid of and enduring as a high school athlete and being one of the best players on my team. I didn’t want the shame and people judging me for liking both genders. All these thoughts swirled in my head to the point where I felt a lot of depression-like symptoms during my teenage years. Even though I had friends and I excelled at school and after school activities, I still had this secret that made me feel inadequate and anxious that it would be revealed. I carried this with me into college and kept my secret deeply buried, which was ridiculous because I went to a performing arts college and most of the student/faculty population was queer. Even though college was the time to explore and find out who I was, the shame I felt in high school was too hard to shake off, so I kept my mouth shut. After graduating college, I booked several different low-paying theatre jobs and was going out any chance I could, which made my feelings stronger. A drunken encounter with a cast-mate lead me to the breaking point I needed to finally accept who I was and take the steps to be proud of this new facet of myself. I decided the first step to living my truth would be
to go to my first Pride event. I mean it was a drastic first step, but it was important to me and I wanted to feel free enough to enjoy an event that encourages being out and proud. Going to LA Pride and seeing all of the festival-goers having a great time made me want to do the same. However, my great time came to a screeching halt when I lost my phone near a DJ booth and I freaked out because I knew I had to get a new phone and I had to go through my mom to get one. This lead me to coming home and bawling my eyes out as a came out to my mom, who had a very loving and open, honest reaction and didn’t look at me differently like I thought she would. She had a feeling I wasn’t straight, but she wanted to have me approach the subject and not push me away if she brought it up. It was a reaction I wasn’t expecting and was very afraid of experiencing, but one I’m very grateful to have because I know not many people are embrace positively when they come out. It’s great now that we live in a time where sexuality has become an open dialogue and people are more accepting of others coming out and exploring their sexuality. We have access to more media content, community groups, forums, and many other outlets that can provide safe and informative spaces for queer people. Yes, we still have a long way to go, but I’m so grateful for the experiences that I had because if I didn’t, then I probably would still be stuck in the closet and not living my best life. My advice to all those struggling with their sexuality and accepting themselves, take your time and make sure that you fully accept yourself and who you are before you let others into the fold.
“It matters not who love, where you love, why you love, when you love, or how you love, it matters only that you love.” – John Lennon 35
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Scarred Hearts Don’t Heal
Love is not for the faint of heart. It’s the most potent drug anyone can endure. Though one woman believed she was immune to the side effects and decided to throw out the warning label. Let’s call her Scarlet. Scarlet was a thrill-seeker who fell in love too easy. A sucker for blonde heads turning her way. But would lust after the troubled ones. The ones that made her fall to her knees, begging for their attention. It was something that developed without warning. Without caution and caused her to fall even deeper in love. To an outsider, Scarlet was crazy for even attempting to go after these girls, but she had a fetal type. Electric blue eyes and a volcanic temper. Scarlet wasn’t a silent chaser. She held her own wherever she went. She had a way with words. A charmer you would call her. Moving through the crowds with sniper determination to get to her latest conquest. A meet and greet followed by a few rounds of drinks always led to a persuasive night of passion, leaving her insatiable the 39
next morning. She wasn’t always like this. She wasn’t always filled with void and seen as a heartbreaker in search of others with the same demeanor. Once upon a time, Scarlet was a gentle soul with a fragile heart. A caring lover with the smile of a thousand suns. There was a warmth to her that made others feel loved and cherished. A giver by nature but always thoughtful about her choices. Except when it came to one specific person. She took a chance on love with a girl who messed with her head and played games with her heart. Cursed with blind attachment and the feeling of being wanted, but her love was never reciprocated, at least not by the one she wanted. She couldn’t fathom having a mended heart once the damage had consumed her, but Scarlet had to move on, and mirrored treatment was all she knew now. Her heartbreak turned many shades before she accepted her new romantic trajectory. It wasn’t something that she would’ve wished upon herself, but it became something she had to face. It was a tough adjustment at first. Not having any remorse for the lovers, she left behind, but if she went after ones who mirrored her, she wouldn’t feel so guilty. Scarlet wondered if she would be forever lonely or when the day would finally come, and she could break free from her cycle of falling for heartbreakers. She ignored the ones who pined after her. Never took a chance to miss out on fulfilling her needs. 40
She wondered if there was any hope for her to find her equal. A journey she was willing to take to heal the wounds of her broken heart.
A LETTER TO MY YOUNGER SELF Hey younger me, You’re probably wondering what life is like right now and thinking everything will get better with time. You’re probably dreaming about your career then years from how and thinking you’re going to be a successful actor and you’re going to have thousands or even millions of adorning fans. At the same time, you’re planning your future, I know you’re struggling with feelings of self-acceptance and falling for people you don’t think you should be falling for because you’re scared of what people might think of you. You’re thinking you must hide who you are and keep your feelings a secret. Outsourcing your emotions to movies and TV shows for content giving you hope that you’ll be able to have your own teenage love story. One where you get the girl of your dreams or the boy you’ve had a crush on the whole year. I will say, things do get better. However, your 20’s are not going to be easy to navigate. It’s going to feel like one big, drunken mess and there’s going to be times where you’ll feel like giving up. Not giving up on life but questioning if it’s worth chasing your dreams. I’ll tell you right now that it is worth chasing after everything you want out of life. We just need to wait a little bit longer. We haven’t reached love story level yet, but that dream is still alive. You’ll meet new people and you’ll have all these new experiences that’ll help you accept who you are and what your preferences are romantically. 44
The world gets better with acceptance, but we still have a long way to go. However, there’ll be so much LGBT content for you to continue to absorb until that special someone comes along. Pofessionally, you’re going to be a business owner. That’s right. You’re going to own your own production company earlier than when you expected. You’ll have the drive to create your own content. You’ll have TONS of ups and downs and many disappointments, but you’ll have small successes along the way. It’s successes that you’ll forget to pay attention too. You’ll think you’re not where you’re supposed to be and that you’ve failed your younger self. Everything is going to work itself out. Yes, you’ll have doubts about yourself and your talents. You’ll have plenty of burnouts and periods of exhaustion. You’ll have many breakdowns and you’ll feel like you don’t have anyone on your side. Just so you know, you’ll get through those moments and get to the other side. Your mind will constantly find new ideas for creative projects, and face challenges in getting them done, but your perseverance will prevail. You’ll need to constantly remind yourself to believe in your vision, even if you don’t have all the tools, experience, and expertise. Don’t stop learning nor wanting to learn about your craft. It’s going to pay off. With working so much, you’ll start to feel lonely and you’ll want to have friends to depend on to put your mind at ease. That’ll happened for a while until life and time takes over makes everyone in your circle pull further away to concentrate on their own thing. However, you’ll start find things to do for yourself and ways to meet new people. It’ll be nerve-wrecking, yet exciting. All these things will feel out of whack and you’ll have a hard time putting everything in balance, but with time, you’ll get a better sense of who you are and what you want out of life. So, remember, to keep your head up and stay focused on everything you’re doing. You got this. Sincerely, Your future self
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S BEWARE OF ARTISTS, THEY’RE NATURAL BORN LIARS BEWARE OF ARTISTS, THEY’RE NATURAL
BORN LIARS BEWARE OF ARTISTS, THEY’RE NATURAL BORN LIARS BEWARE O
A E H T ST I T R
OF ARTISTS, THEY’RE NATURAL BORN LIARS BEWARE OF ARTISTS, THEY’RE NA
AT WO R
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AMERA LENSES CAMERA LENSES CAMERA LENSES CAMERA LENSES CAMERA LENSE
CAMERA LENSES CAMERA LENSES CAMERA LENSES CAMERA LEN
Looking through rose-colored glasses in a tunnel vision state What can you see? A world made to look glamorous with thousand-watt lights and glitzy visual effects? Do you see what you want to see? Purity and honesty? Or what is presented to you? Truth under imaginary circumstances? Or the need to fit in versus the desire to stand out? What does the world look like when it’s filtered? Are people more pleasant? Or are they hiding a secret? Do you seem genuine? Or are they stand-offish? What makes them so un-appealing to you? Are they Hollywood villains programmed to perform toxic human interaction through seedy human behavior? How do you fit into their world? Do you feel like an outsider? Or a part of the joke? What if you were on the other side of the lens? How do you think people see you? Are you as transparent as you say? Or are you hiding a secret as well? Burying your demons and not wanting to face your truth? What’s the story that you’re trying to tell Without filtered lens? 54
NS
HOLLYWOOD PARALYSIS
HOLLYWOOD PARALYSIS HOLLYWOOD PARAL
HOLLYWOOD PARALYSIS
Running in circles trying to figure out why I’m always being mistaken for someone else? I can’t wear the face of the character I want Or be perceived as the role I’m chasing. Time and time again I stay stuck in the waiting room. Being judged harshly for not accurately portraying the stereotype of your background. Hoping for a sign or a breakthrough that’ll propel me to the next level. Get to the next round and prove myself. I know I can do it. I’ve done it before. How can I showcase who I can be without sacrificing who I am? LYSIS Longing for a profession where you are made to fit in a box like a glass doll being made on an assembly line. Molded into the perfect model of Hollywood fame. What is the secret formula? Where can I get the insight? I’ve been shunned away one too many times and I couldn’t understand why. How the words of rejection spoke so loudly in my mind and kept flashing in my eyes, Like a neon sign broadcasting my failure to the world. A crash and burn effect that will only cause harm to the dreamer Breaking their spirit and destroying their passion for the professional love of their life. 61
“Nothing is impossible says ‘I’m Possible’.”
when the word itself - Audrey Hepburn
How TCM Made Me Appreciate the Art of Performing When I think of the spirit of Hollywood, I immediately think of “The Golden Age” or “The Golden Era of Hollywood”. A time when storytelling was at its finest and you couldn’t use big-time special effects to drive the movie, you had to entertain the audience with the performances of the actors and the heart of the dialogue being recited. My introduction to the golden age was through Shirley Temple. I devoured every film my mom could get her hands on, then went exploring for more films from that time which led me to discover TCM. TCM stands for Turner Classic Movies and it’s a cable network that showcases movies from the silent era all the way up until the 2000’s. The hosts of the channel give trivial facts about the movies and how it was made before and after the commercial-free showings. From the moment, I discovered this channel, I instantly became fascinated by all of the behind the scenes knowledge I was gaining. I was introduced to performers like Lauren Bacall, Humphrey Bogart, 70
Katherine Hepburn, Cary Grant, and many more stars. My love for this channel and these classic movies made me fall in love with Hollywood and its history. I began soaking up as much knowledge as I could about how Hollywood came to be and how filmmaking began and became interested in the technical side of making a film (lighting, sound, and cinematography). I even joined the TCM club and got their newsletters which would have their entire TV schedule for the month and some fun facts about the different movies. It was something I felt connected to and even something I could bond over with my mom. She grew up watching these films (westerns are her favorite) and it felt like that tradition was being passed down to me. Even today, I still find myself watching movies on the channel and thriving off of the behind the scenes facts. There’s something romantic about the way
filmmaking was done back during that time and even after the Golden Age. Something about how the love of performing and telling a great story was more impactful than how effects can be added to enhance a movie. People just loved making films and the process of them. That’s something I think is missing in today’s world. Even though there was a lot of cheesiness and they way people acted is way different then they
do today, there’s something honest about how those actors commanded the screen whether they were delivering a joke or a dramatic line. It wasn’t about all the tricks you could do with lighting or the camera or even in the editing room. It was about witnessing a conversation between two people and seeing them struggle for their objective right before your eyes. It was in the way the 71
actors communicated to each other that captivated you and made you want to know more about these characters. That’s what the movies in that era did. It gave you a story about two people (or more) who had to resolve a conflict between them (or others) and using the entire movie to do it. This type of storytelling aspect made me fall in love with filmmaking and performing. The way studios where able to churn out film after film was fascinating because it was
such a new medium and the demand was so high. The sky was the limit and you were able to take the same story and re-create it in a hundred different ways without it feeling stale or over-done, which is unfortunately how a lot of today’s movies feel. The spirit of the Golden Age is something I carried into my writing and acting. I try to be as honest as I can even though I’m acting under imaginary circumstances or writing heightened truths. I try to get to the root of
the character and the story been told. It may take me a while to get there, but it’s something I always keep in mind. It’s clearly obvious they don’t make movies like they used to, but in a way it’s good they don’t because there is a sense of nostalgia when it comes to watching these films on TCM. Like you’re giving the chance to step
into this world of classicism from the comfort of your own home and create your own nostalgia. I will say all actors, filmmakers, and other creative types should know about these classic Hollywood movies because without them, we wouldn’t be able to make the movies that are out today.
HOMET
PRI 72
GRATEFUL FOR
TOWN
IDE
R THE SUBURBS
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ATTACHMENT I’ve walked down this bridge a thousand times but I’ve never felt so at home like right now. Being homesick is contagious but coming home feels familiar Time stands still but the scenery ages
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This bridge makes me feel grounded. Wood pillars standing tall for shelter. Cement blocks providing strength and protection. Ideas sparked up and decisions made. I’ve felt loved and abandoned. Felt at peace and enraged. A lifetime of firsts followed by a handful of lasts. I’ve found myself
attached to memories burned into the ground. Immortalized by tears fallen from disappointed eyes. I’ve been brought closer to my desires and driven away by my needs more times on this bridge than I would’ve ever imagined. No matter how many times I leave. This bridge will always guide me home.
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Know Thy Neighbor There’s something about being outside of the city that I’ve always liked. Something about being surrounded by trees and quiet streets that made me feel at home. Growing up in Pasadena, I was able to experience a life away from the bright lights and congested sidewalks. Everything felt slower. Not too slow. More of a mid-tempo vibe. Like listening to the acoustic version of your favorite song on repeat. Things were more mellow. There’s a misconception about California, particularly LA, that there aren’t 82
any places to go to that full aren’t of people. There’s no nature past the concrete. There’s nowhere to go to find serenity away from the noise. That’s not true. There’s plenty of places to go to, you just need to be willing to find them. Yes, cars are the most popular way around and the saying “your car is a second home” is also true as well, but it’s also a place to gather your thoughts and come up with your best ideas. Things that could add value to your day or your careers. Or even help plan your next adventure. LA is so spread out that there are dozens of neighborhoods to explore. There’s plenty of hidden gems tucked away from the urban eye. A simple walk around your neighborhood or taking a different route to work is all it takes to discover new coffee shop
or restaurant, or even a book shop or art gallery. Places that will make you feel like a tourist in your own city, but also will provide more insight into where you live. One thing that I love about Pasadena is how close it is to LA, but still feels far away from all the noise. You get that urban feel, but there’s houses and parks and trees and the feeling that you can slow your life down and enjoy the sun. That’s always stuck with me. How attractive small-town charm is and being able to recognize people by face or know them by name. The choice to live fast pace or walk down empty suburban streets. Feeling like you’ve stepped into a scene from a classic 80’s movie or got caught up in the downtown corporate crowds. That’s something not many people get to experience, but I hope
to always hold onto and cherish for the rest of my life.
SONGS THAT INSPIRED THIS ISSUE Feelings- Hayley Kiyoko Ex-Factor - Lauryn Hill My, My, My - Troye Sivan Supersoaker - Kings of Leon Wanna Be Missed - Hayley Kiyoko You & I (Metronomy Remix) - Lady Gaga What I Need - Hayley Kiyoko ft. Kehlani Make Me Feel - Janelle Monae Crown on the Ground - Sleigh Bells Long Day - Novi ft. Tyler Blackburn Django Jane - Janelle Monae Forrest Gump - Frank Ocean Take Me - Aly & AJ Strangers - Halsey ft. Lauren Jauregui Blow Your Mind (Mwah) - Dua Lipa Pink Matter - Frank Ocean 88
Boys Boys Boys - Lady Gaga Fuck the Summer Up - Leikeli47 trip. fall. - Denitia and Sene Born This Way (Twin Shadow Remix) - Lady Gaga Mad - Solange Bag Lady - Erykah Badu He’ll Never Love You - Hayley Kiyoko I’m Every Woman - Chaka Khan Wish I Didn’t Miss You - Angie Stone Fuck with Myself - Banks Pynk - Janelle Monae ft. Grimes I Can Only - JoJo ft. Alessia Cara Girls/Girls/Boys - Panic! at the Disco Send My Love to the Dance Floor - Cobra Starship 212 - Azealia Banks Partie Traumatic - Black Kids Bossy - Kelis 89
Next Issue Release Date: July 23rd, 2018 Theme: “Hot Damn Pop
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