Deep London April 09 by angela ferrara

deep online at: www.deep-london.co.uk • www.issuu.com • facebook • www.myspace.com/wiredmag • @bonsai_editor Hello... ...and welcome to issue 70, and to British Summertime, and to Spring, which has well and truly sprung if the sunshine streaming in the window at 6am as I finish this month’s issue is anything to go by - hurrah! You’d think in the spirit of rebirth I’d have a new Editor picture, wouldn’t you? Therein lies a tale, but I won’t bore you with it here. Maybe next month... So, April eh? The Grand National, a long Easter weekend, getting ratted on St George’s Day - it’s going to be a busy month I think. And talking of that, we were actually going to make this a special George’s issue with all things English, or British even, in it - you know, pie ‘n’ mash, fish ‘n’ chips, kebab ‘n’ chilli sauce, chicken tikka ‘n’ masala, but as ever things didn’t quite work out that way. They rarely do at Deep-Villas, but we do have a review of that staple of the English diet, the nice roast dinner, so there’s lovely, isn’t it, as well as a short yet informative article on England’s greatest ever sportsman, who was born in Croydon. So there. We were also going to try to get English eccentric chef Heston Blumenthal on the cover too, but we got put off by the thought of eating calf brains and jellies with vibrators stuck in ‘em. Whatever floats your boat, Hest, but I think I’ll just have a bacon sarnie and a nice cup of tea. We plumped for Robin Hood on the cover in the end, which you’ll know, having seen it and picked it up and whatnot, a traditional English figure usually played by Americans or Tazmanians or, in this case, Irish born Jonas Armstrong. Hands across the ocean and all that. Elsewhere in the mag we have our usual cast of irregular eccentrics, along with the quite frankly mental Club Nic, a decidedly dodgily named boozer wot is no more, the mildly batty and marvellous Size Nine and the triumphant return of Croydonhello! Thanks for all your good feedback on that last month by the way, we gather Wendy is having trouble fitting through doors at the moment what with her giant inflated head. I’m joking of course, but it’s nice to know you enjoyed the thing, and we’ll be forging ahead with it. As ever, send your stories and gossip to hello@deep-london.co.uk. Ta. I think that’s nearly it, just time to mention that following on from last month’s aphrodisiac article, several people have asked me exactly what the deal is with the weird durian fruit. At the risk of telling you to get out more, I’ve tried to think how to describe it, but have neither the vocabulary nor the wit to adequately convey the strangeness, so I’ll leave it to someone who has, Mr Stephen Fry (related to C B, we gather), from his eternally entertaining twitter feed; “Eating durian fruit by the roadside. A stench straight from Satan's anal ring, but a taste from an angel's sugared nipple. Mmmm.” Which is pretty much spot on, so there you go. Incidentally, I’m now on twitter too - @bonsai_editor - if you’re interested in following the random outpourings of a go-getting media moghul, or mongrel. I guarantee only one thing - you will be disappointed... Right, that really is it, as Alexander Woollcot once observed, “The English have an extraordinary ability for flying into a great calm.” which I am, having now completed issue 70 at last, about to do, right now, even though I’m a bit Italian (the good bit, naturally) so until next month, pip-pip, cheers, avanti, allons-y! your bonsai editor

Angela xx 1

April 2009 Issue Seventy Contact Us: editor: angela ferrara tel: 07910 506197 / 020 8680 3558 e: angela@deep-london.co.uk staff and contributors: mystic mike, auntie may, lazy-boy, nick booth, geoff lyons, eric hands, natasha gerrish croydonhello! editor - nick razzo, e-mail: hello@deep-london.co.uk advertising sales: call angela on 07910 506197 or e-mail angela@deep-london.co.uk publishing & design: deep-london web hosting: europahost, 94 southbridge road, south croydon, CR0 1AF, tel: 0845 644 1484. www.europahost.net random thanks: jean, tony, marie, jamie; my neighbour for the flowers ‘like sunshine indoors’,

happy birthday: howard, simon, joe, aide, vicki, paula, trevor, idil, lucy, rob, sarah, ruth, cathy, fearghal, mark congratulations: creepy on the new job, jason on the new family r.i.p: ali bongo, natasha richardson

GET YOUR EVENT LISTED: e-mail: ANGELA@ DEEP-LONDON.CO.UK what’s on listings are absolutely free!

Last date for inclusion in May issue -

23 April 2009

APRIL 2009

12 50

THIS MONTHS FEATURES: Robin Hood

Size Nine

C B Fry

Sunday Roast

Lazy Boy

Auntie May

CROYDONHELLO!

The A-Z of Lost Croydon Boozers

Wrong Way Round

News Hound

Club Nic

The Month in Pix

Stars

LISTINGS:

48 27 3

What’s On Guide

Pubs Clubs Bars

Restaurants

Cab, Cinema etc

Quiver those arrows, missus, it’s Robin Hood...

t’s been a hell of time lately for Robin Hood, what with his missus being bumped off, and it’s also been rather eventful for the person who plays the eponymous hero in the Saturday night BBC series, Jonas Armstrong, as he’s decided to quit the series after 3 seasons. Deep catches up with him and new co-star Joanne Froggatt and says, “go on then, buckle our swash”... "Although Robin is totally devastated losing his wife, it takes him in a new direction for viewers," says Jonas. But the actor stresses: "We all missed Lucy [Griffiths] during filming, who was a terrific Marian and great fun to work with. “I've always tried to find the darker aspects of Robin, because the good sides

"Robin isn't thinking straight," says Jonas. "During episode one he has a major duel with Gisborne and afterwards is close to death. The last thing he needs is someone preaching to him about his purpose in the world. But Tuck sorts him out. He makes Robin remember what he believed in before he lost Marian and reminds him the English need the Robin Hood legend to inspire them." Another turning point for Robin, says Jonas, is when he confronts his nemesis: "At the moment, Robin could finish Gisborne for ever." Early on in the series, Robin and his men come across feisty Locksley villager Kate, played by Joanne Froggatt. Could she turn into a potential love interest for Robin?

“They said to me ‘Ok, there you go lad, off you go, there’s your sword, there’s your bow, there’s your horse - get on with it...” are clearly there for all to see. But now Robin's lost Marian, the heartbeat of his life, I've been able to darken and deepen him." Robin is like a man possessed, or rather, at the start of the new series, a tramp, possessed - have a wash man! He's returned from a long, arduous journey and has sacked his gang since they arrived back in England. "The beginning of the series is explosive – it's really strong," explains Jonas. "Robin has just gone mad, because he's obsessed by revenge; he must kill Gisborne whatever the cost to himself and others. So he doesn't care about his men and being the champion of the people – all that's gone." Fuelled by this Robin is stuck on a downward spiral, but there is light at the end of the tunnel in the form of a travelling monk called Tuck, played by David Harewood, who soon brings Robin back from the brink.

“There is potential," laughs Jonas. "But you'll just have to wait and see! "Kate has her own quest. She's like a mini vigilante all by herself – her family have suffered a terrible loss at the hands of Gisborne. Robin and the gang have to calm her down, otherwise she'll be killed, too. Eventually she joins the lads and she becomes indispensable to them. Joanne's performance as Kate is fantastic." So, did Jonas have to go back to the Hood academy for some more training before filming began? "We didn't have to do that because we're all pros now," he laughs. "Come on, give us a break! You get back, do a few warm-up exercises, jump on your horse again, and re-work the stuff that you used to know. The trick is to remember it all in the right sequence!" Born in Dublin, Jonas used to watch Robin Hood with his dad when he was young, and still living in Ireland. 4

"I used to watch Robin Of Sherwood, with Michael Praed and then Jason Connery," he recalls. "I liked it because there was quite a lot of mysticism in it and the series had a kind of magical thing going on." Jonas readily admits he felt quite anxious when he first found out he was going to step into the boots of such a legend. "I didn't have quite as much confidence as maybe I should and the scale of the production was quite overwhelming for me at times. It took me a bit of time to get into it. I just felt like there were a lot of eyes on me, and there were – and rightly so. "They said to me: 'OK, there you go, lad, off you go. There's your sword, there's your bow and arrow and that's your horse – get on with it.' But I wouldn't swap the experience for anything." Sadly, for his legions of fans, this third series marks Jonas's departure from the show and he will be hanging up his bow and arrow for good. "I feel immensely lucky to have played Robin Hood for three years and I've had the time of my life in the role," says Jonas. "But the show has to keep on changing and evolving – we've done about 39 hours now of Robin Hood, so it needs to go in different directions. It's the greatest experience I've had in my career so far, but you can't do one thing for too long." Since he left his band of merry men behind, Jonas has filmed the leading role in an episode of Jimmy McGovern's multi-award-winning drama, The Street. "I play Nick a British soldier who returns home from Afghanistan, with a terrible facial disfigurement, and then has to re-adjust to civilian life," explains Jonas. "At the end of April I'm off to the Eastern Europe again, to Romania, to start work on a film called The

Glasshouse, which is about the plight of Jews during the Nazis invasion of Budapest." But returning now to Robin Hood, Jonas says that the cast and crew all got together again recently and thoroughly enjoyed seeing the ending of this series. "It is just a brilliant, brilliant finale to the three years," he enthuses. "We all got quite emotional watching it and were trying to hold the tears back. We've been racing around those forests for three years, and we've been through a lot together and become true comrades at arms." Meanwhile, as one merry man departs another one, or rather a merry woman, arrives in the shape of Joanne Frogatt, who apparently made an immediate impact in BBC One's riproaring version of Robin Hood; "It was my very first scene," says Joanne, who plays Kate, a Locksley

challenge to learn." Towards the end of filming on location in Hungary, Joanne found herself in the wars again. "We were choreographing a stunt sequence," she recalls. "We'd learnt it really quickly and there was quite a lot of twisting and turning. As we were running through the moves, my shoulder swelled up. I still had to do some takes and I didn't feel too bad so I thought I'd just carry on. A week later, I discovered that I'd dislocated my neck! Luckily it was quite near the end of shooting and there wasn't a massive amount left to film, and we simply cut out certain moves." Making her first appearance in the second episode, Kate is soon thrust into the action as Gisborne's men plunder her village. "When I auditioned for the role, the producers didn't say too much about Kate other than she's head-strong and brave," says Joanne.

“We were choreographing a stunt scene when my shoulder just swelled up. A week later I discovered I’d dislocated my neck...” village girl who joins Robin's band. "I'm seized by some of Gisborne's henchmen guards, and I was supposed to kick one of the stunt team and run off. We practised it five times but, for some reason, on the sixth go, instead of aiming to the side of his head where I should have been kicking, my foot went into his mouth and split his lip. I was horrified. Fortunately, he was okay. I bought him a bottle of whisky to add to my many apologies and to show how sorry I was." Playing Kate in Robin Hood is something of a departure for Joanne who, after three years playing teenage mum Zoe in Coronation Street, made a name for herself with gritty performances in dramas such as playing Danielle Cable in Eyewitness and Joanne Lees in Murder In The Outback. "My agent asked if I fancied Robin Hood and I thought: 'Yeah, why not?'" she says. "I hadn't watched it, to be honest, but I'd seen bits and knew it was really popular Saturday family viewing with heaps of action. I thought it would be great fun. I was up for a good old play-fighting and the scripts were terrifically exciting." "We had to learn the fight routines very quickly," Joanne adds. "You literally learn them and do them, so you've got to be really on the ball. I'd done bits and pieces before, but I'd not trained to do stage fighting or sword fighting. It was completely new to me and a real

"I think they just liked what I did. Kate has to overcome real adversity and tragedy in a short time. She's had to grow up fast. When we first meet her, she's the one who looks out for her family. Kate loves her younger brother dearly and both she and her mum are very protective of him." "Because her father's dead, I made up a back story about what kind of man he was," she says. "I kind of had it in my head that he was a strong, politically-minded man who'd maybe been involved in the fight for justice and that had been an inspirational figure in the lives of his children. Her mum has to be more practical and keep them watered and fed as best she can in difficult times." Talking about the style of the series, Joanne says "There's an interesting mix to Robin Hood because it's kind of modern but medieval. There is a blend of adventure with a very modern feel. It's not literal to the period and in some ways that's easier, as you don't have to worry about getting the voice and the language exact – it's a bit tongue-incheek." Joanne explains the difference in approach to playing Kate rather than characters based on real people. "In true-life dramas, you have to do so much research," she says. "It's a big responsibility to make sure things are as correct as possible. In Robin Hood, you have more artistic licence – it's all action, 6

adventure and reaction. This gives everyone a chance to make their characters their own and to make them believable." Making the series required a lengthy commitment to filming away from home and Joanne says the part came at the right time: "At certain times of your life – if you've got a young family, for instance – it's not practical to disappear to Budapest for seven months. But, at the moment, I haven't got those kind of ties." "It came at just the right time for me. I'd spent the year before doing theatre with the Royal Exchange in Manchester and the Old Vic in London, and I wanted to do some more television and be involved in a series." Living in an apartment with only two English television channels meant the cast crew really bonded. "The lads were lovely, really welcoming," she says. "I can't speak highly enough of them and all the crew. Everyone helped me settle in and involved me in anything they were doing socially. At weekends there was always a group of us going out and about in beautiful Budapest." Following the death of Marian (Lucy Griffith), at the hands of the murderous Gisborne, there might be an assumption that Kate will provide a new love interest for Robin, but Joanne isn't giving too much away. "All the way through I didn't actually know whether Kate and Robin would get together or not," she says. "We didn't film episodes chronologically, so you don't know exactly what happens in the story." "I didn't feel that I was taking over from Lucy in any way because Kate's a very different character – the Marian and Robin story is the traditional one, whereas Kate isn't in the legend. So it gave me more freedom and no pressure to live up to anybody's expectations." Certainly, Kate attracts the interest of Much (Sam Troughton) early on. "I think Much and Kate have a very strong friendship. But I don't think she realises he takes a shine to her. She's got bigger things on her mind – like fighting the bad guys!" Robin Hood is on BBC1 on Saturday nights. Missed an episode? Catch it on BBC i-player. www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer

Size it up... Croydon’s finest, Size Nine, get all club-night on our arses...

egular readers, or at least regular readers with taste, will no doubt already be aware of Size Nine, the God-knows-how-many-of-’em-thereare-now funk outfit, who first came to our attention a couple of years ago through the Testing 123 unsigned band bun fight. They won it, as you recall, and have since been regulars on the London circuit with a residency at Raison D’Etre at Cargo and beyond. In fact, if you haven’t heard of them, or been to see them yet then really, where the hell have you been, and you’re missing out. Happily, if you have missed out an opportunity presents itself to rectify this heinous error on your part at the end of April, when the chaps, and chapesses, launch ‘Night People’ a new monthly live music event at Loop, a night which, for the launch at least, they’ll be headlining themselves. Yay! Deep sashayed down to the pub to catch up with lead singer Breezy and a small contingent of the brass section, Hannah and Joe (who also does piano, let’s not forget piano...) to have a pint and find out what it’s all about. Breezy: “It’s basically about bringing some fresh hot talent to Croydon. We want to bring excellent bands down, bands with a bit extra, you know? Funk, soul, ska but take it to the next level. We want it to be like a night you’d find at Cargo or the Jazz Cafe, but on your doorstep.” Joe: “We want to bring sick music and sick bands to the Cronx!” Breezy: “Yeah, because in Croydon at the moment you’ve either got rock or dirty house, which is fine, but we want to try something different.” Joe: “It’s about getting mashed and getting down...” Breezy: “It’s going to be more like show than a gig, a crazy, sexy party vibe with things like performance involved. We want people having fun, dancing, getting drunk with their mates and being entertained, rather than just going to their mates’ gigs. An experience and a night you wouldn’t expect in Croydon. We want funky burlesque at an inclusive night, you know, your Tiger Tiger crowd

can come, your Black Sheep crowd can come, and they’ll all be welcome, and they’ll all be blown away. And it’s half prince drinks ‘til 10pm!” Joe: “But no hippies! Actually, the hippies can come, they can sit in the corner and spread the love, man. We’ll give ‘em a wigwam and a pottery wheel...” Breezy: “The plan is to get some of the great artists we’ve worked with to come down. This month we’ve got ‘Something Simple’ from North London who are an 8-piece funk, reggae, dance outfit - who are all about 19 and disgustingly good - and Franck Alba who does this acoustic nutty French ambient weirdness. We want to try to get a local band on the bill every month as well. We’ve been really lucky to work with people like Charlie Winston, who’s number one in France at the moment, and we want to get them down here. We want to show Croydon to them, and show them to Croydon. “We’re also looking for artistic people from round here to get involved, if you’re a performer, a set designer, a circus act or whatever, use us as a platform! If you want to paint yourself blue and get your cock out, dress up, dress down, we want people to express themselves. We’ll have girls in sexy outfits. We might even nip next door and recruit some of the pole-dancers!” Joe: “Like a wicked house party where everyone’s on a vibe. That’s what we want it to be like. “If it goes well we’ll take the night on tour to festivals or wherever it needs to go.” Breezy: “We have pride in Croydon so we’d take that with us, because people here have supported us for a long time.” 8

Talking of that support, Size Nine recently and thoroughly deservedly got through to round two of the Surface Unsigned Music Festival. The next round is on 23rd June at The Purple Turtle, or, if you can’t make that, you can still vote for them by texting LONDON 6202 to 64343 (remember to include the space). Texts cost a quid but if they win S9 will get to play the O2. They’re also playing the Secret Garden Festival this summer not once but twice, are currently getting airplay on BBC6 Music, which is cool, and have an album coming out at the end of May. Busy busy then, but for now the priority is to get ‘Night People’ going; Joe: “If people just think of, like, a basement party in Paris, a house party with wicked bands. We’re bringing good shit to Croydon, trying to open the eyes of both the punters and the bands. There’ll always be something unexpected, not too weird, but about creating something lasting, putting Croydon back on the musical map. Think of it as a mini Raison D’Etre for the Cronx!” And with that, Joe’s Rum-dar is tingling, and it’s time for me to go home and write this, and put, in very big letters in my diary ‘Night People, 30th April at Loop - DO NOT MISS’. We heartily suggest you do the same...

“The English are not very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity.” George Bernard Shaw

he Superman, more conventionally known as Charles Burgess (C.B.) Fry, was born in St James’ Road, Croydon on 25th April 1872. After attending Repton public school he went on to win a scholarship to Wadham College Oxford, where he eventually gained a first-class honours degree in Classic Moderations. It was during these informative years, first at Repton and later at Oxford, that C.B. began to demonstrate not only that he was a brilliant scholar, but that he had the potential to develop into the greatest all-round athlete of modern times. At Oxford he gained a total of twelve

returned to the changing room to finish his smoke. At the world’s first international athletics event held at London’s White City stadium in 1894, C.B. won both the long jump and 100 yards sprint. It is highly likely that C.B. could have secured medals, possibly even gold ones, at the 1896 Olympics, had he not been so busy indulging his first passion in South Africa as a member of the England cricket team. For it was on the cricket field that C.B’s talent would shine the brightest. A superb right-handed batsman, C.B. went on to captain both Sussex and England. England never lost a Test Match whilst he

CB prepared for the long jump by smoking a cigar and, having equalled the world record, returned to the dressing room to finish it... sporting Blues for representing his university, and in one year he captained the football, athletics and cricket teams, earning him the nicknames of Almighty and Lord Oxford. To fill in time he also played Rugby Union at university, as well as for Blackheath and the Barbarians. In addition he proved himself to be a fine boxer, golfer, swimmer, tennis player, javelin thrower and sculler. C.B. first learned his association football skills at Repton and was awarded his soccer Blue whilst at Oxford. He later joined the amateur club The Corinthians before entering the professional ranks and signing for Southampton. He played his debut match against Tottenham Hotspur in December 1900 and obviously impressed, as he was picked for the England team just a few months later in a match against Ireland. The following season he played for Southampton in the FA Cup final against Sheffield United. A brilliant track and field athlete, C.B. equalled the world long jump record with a jump of 23 6! (7.17m) in 1893. With little formal training in the discipline itself, it is said that he prepared for the event by smoking a cigar. On completing his record equalling jump, he apparently

was at the helm. At a time when pitches were distinctly more unreliable than they are today, he scored more than 30,000 first-class runs with an average of over 50 runs per innings, and just missed out on scoring 100 hundreds, with an impressive career total of 94. C.B. was at his peak in 1901 when he totalled 3147 runs, an average of over 78 runs per innings. During that summer he scored 13 hundreds and an unprecedented 6 centuries in 6 consecutive innings within a timeframe of little more than a fortnight. A record that remains to this day, and a fitting testament to one of the greatest cricketers of all time. However his talents were not just confined to the sports field. C.B. also stood as Liberal candidate for Parliament in Brighton; he was a director of a training ship, a journalist, a deputy and speechwriter for the Indian delegation at the League of Nations. It was whilst he was involved in the latter role that C.B. was offered the vacant throne of Albania. The Albanian delegation was 10

apparently looking for an English gentleman with an income of £10,000 a year to become their king. Whilst amply qualified for the former requirement, C.B. was always notoriously short of money. Some twenty years on from his glory days in 1921, C.B. once again appeared for Sussex against the visiting Australians and scored 59 and 37 in the two innings. After the match C.B. was approached by the England selectors and asked whether he would consider captaining the national side. Perhaps now feeling his 49 years C.B. declined the offer and, to be on the safe side, retired from cricket altogether. C.B. died in 1956, in Hampstead, London, The grand old man of sport. There is now a blue plaque on the wall of his birthplace in St James Road. Thanks to Historic UK.

Time for a nice roast dinner I think

f you think that decent, comfortable pubs are disappearing fast and being replaced by dismal, atmosphere-free battery farms and crèches, which call themselves pubs but are nothing of the sort, well, you’d be right. BUT, I am happy to report that some decent pubs of the old school survive in Croydon and the Crown and Sceptre is one of them. From the minute I walked through the door I thought, “I’m going to like this”. It had all the hallmarks of a good old fashioned pub: obliging staff, a group of blokes sitting at the bar discussing Danny Blancheflower, decent fresh beer, a wellmade gin and tonic, frosted halfwindows, family-friendly, a fireplace and a sense of easy-going decorum. In fact, it wasn’t too far away from the ideal pub described by George Orwell in his essay the Moon Under Water. We ordered two Roasts, beef and lamb, and settled at a nice table in the bay window. A couple on the next table told us how much they enjoyed the roasts

and the atmosphere. “We only live down the road but we often come here, because it’s so nice.” And indeed it was. Both beef and lamb roasts were very nicely cooked and presented, tender and flavoursome in a delicious professional-yet-home-made way. All the trimmings were present and correct, and done with pride and simplicity. At under six pounds these Sunday dinners beat the hell out of certain high street chain pubs’ versions – and are cheaper as well. The house white, at ten pounds or so, was also very drinkable. So, don’t despair. The traditional pub may be under threat, but the Crown and Sceptre is still holding the torch for the archetypal English watering hole and that is a very heartening thing. The Crown and Sceptre, 32 Junction Road, South Croydon, 020 8688 8037

Our Rating: Value for money: 9/10 Service: 9/10 - friendly, courteous and efficient Quality: 10/10 Ambience: 7/10

Septuagenarian agony aunt cum rock mutton Auntie May gambols about like a spring lamb...

reetings friends and acquaintances. Well it seems that we’re finally getting to the end of this particularly long-winded winter we’ve been enduring and the sun has finally decided to make an appearance. About bloody time, I say. I can’t wait until I can go out in the evening without a coat, mainly because I won’t have to try to remember where I last dumped it at the end of the evening when my head is a woolly as a Whiteface Dartmoor. Anyway, let’s get on with the show. Ummm, yes, the show. I remember starting off at the very wonderful Pure Rawk Awards Night at the Purple Turtle in Camden. That is to say, I remember getting there. I also remember bumping into loads of people I haven’t seen for ages, drinking quite a lot, cheering for Mina when she won the Pin-up Award, drinking a bit more, screaming loudly for Marjo

to win a tattoo for her ear-splitting Rebel Yell and screaming even louder when she won, drinking a couple more, being very impressed with Evil Scarecrow’s industrial strength make-up and making some notes as follows: Final Countdown, Ballroom Blitz, scarily attired legs, bad haircut, bone structure, very T-Rex, 2nd best guitarist, hairspray, speaking in Welsh. If anyone who was there can make sense of these random jottings perhaps they would be kind enough to enlighten me. As for getting back, all I can say is that I did. Well I must have done. And I know this because the next night I was travelling (rather cheaply I have to say having procured a “permit to travel” at the extortionate cost of 5p) to Whyteleafe to see Chamelion perform their first, and I hope not last, gig of 2009. What a fun night, complete with silly dancing and unrepeatable jokes! Chamelion are

“As for getting back from the Pure Rawk Awards, all I can say is that I did. Well I must have done...” Chamelion

an amazing covers band, Scott’s voice is fantastic and their choice of songs was spot-on (apart from the Arctic Monkeys which I am unfortunately allergic to). I even made it back to the Ship for last orders despite the best efforts of British Rail to force me to set up an emergency overnight shelter on the platform. I finished the weekend at the Old Croydon Town Poledancing Championships at the Ship. This was

quantities of ginaesthetic, so in the event I was forced to become a spectator. This was fortunate as there was no way we could have competed with the lovely Buffy (aka Glenn) who definitely won the People’s Vote (although not the vodka prize) and was happily coerced into performing an encore. Another highlight this month was the Frantic Promotions “Bring-ABeard” Night at the Brief. The mighty

“A highlight this month was Frantic’s ‘Bring-A-Beard’ Night. Never have I seen more varied combinations of facial hair...” listed on Facebook as an Erotic Party so I reckoned it was right up my street. Edith and I had been practising our poledancing double-act, although not possessing a pole, we had been forced to use the No Waiting sign on the pavement two doors down, much to the amusement of the local constabulary. However, by Wednesday Edith had sustained an unfortunate pelvic injury and was laid up on the couch with copious

Godsized were headlining, supported by Sons of Merrick and Huron. Never have I seen more varied combinations of facial hair! There were beards of every size, shape and colour and I was delighted to have the opportunity to present Ben from Sons of Merrick with his award for the Most Impressive Sideburns which he won last December in my own alternative Awards Ceremony. I was very impressed with Huron

Dr Smutglove

Godsized 16

whose lead singer looked like a cross between Lemmy and Bryan Ferry (if you can imagine that) - they played with amazing rhythm and turned wearing shorts into an art-form. I finished the month on a high note upstairs at the Green Dragon with a night of musical mayhem provided by Miss Nicaragua and Dr. Smutglove. For those of you who don’t know these are not characters in a porn film but rather idiosyncratic local bands, and you are guaranteed a good night if either of them is playing, so having both on the same bill is a real bonus. I was rather hoping they would swap clothes half way through but Nurse Fanny had her wig securely glued on for a change and anyway, it could have been problematic reading the songwords whilst wearing a balaclava. Anyway, I’m off to the snug for a final pint of Winter Warmer and some curly fries. Drop by at www.myspace.com/auntiemay99 or I’ll see you at the bar.

Stockists: CENTRAL CROYDON: • All Bar One • Bar Red Square • Bar Se7en • Beanos Records • Bedford Tavern • Black Sheep Bar • Brief • Bull’s Head • Clocktower (Tourist Info) • Dog & Bull • Eagle • Fairfield Halls • Goose on the Market • Gun Tavern • Green Dragon • Half and Half Lounge Bar • Loop Pool Bar • Milan Bar • Mojama • Natterjacks (St George’s Walk) • Royal Standard • Ship • Spreadeagle • Steelpoint Tattoo • Strictly UK (Tramms) • Surrey Cricketers • Tiger Tiger • Timebomb Clothing • Walkabout • Yates’s Wine Lodge EAST CROYDON: • Builders Arms • Glamorgan • Orchard • Oval • Porter & Sorter • Tramlink Info Centre • Warehouse Theatre ADDISCOMBE: • Alma Tavern • Claret Free Hse • Cricketers

WEST CROYDON: • Bird in Hand • Bodyworks Whitehorse Rd • Davys Wine Bar • Forbidden Planet • Fox and Hounds • Windmill SOUTH END & SOUTH CROYDON: • Bodega • Croham Arms • Crown & Pepper • Crown & Sceptre • Earl of Eldon • Edge • Folly • Jalalis • Kays Off Licence • LA Fitness (Royal Oak) • La Spezia Deli (Old Pharmacy - Swan & Sugarloaf) • Laithwaite’s Wines (opp. Windsor Castle) • Peking Tasty • Purley Arms • Rail View • Red Deer • Rupali • Ruskin House • Sackville Gallery • Scream Studios • Stag & Hounds • Sth Croydon BR • Swan & Sugarloaf • Txt Bar • Treehouse • Unwins (Swan & Sugarloaf) • Wheelwrights Arms • Windsor Castle • Woodman • Zizzi PURLEY: • Baan Thai • Brass Monkey • Coffee Bay (by Purley BR) • Elliott’s • Jolly Farmers

Listings Index:

Pick up your copy of Deep from any of these lovely places: • • • • • •

What’s on? 18 full weekly and daily guide

Las Fuentes Rectory Purley BR Purley Pool Purley Oaks BR Station Cars (Purley BR)

PURLEY WAY: • Gipsy Moth • Premier Travel Inn Hotel • Green’s Gym

Pubs, Bars, Clubs

Restaurants

Cabs, Cinema Music, Adult

All our information was correct at the time of going to press, but as the only certainty in life is change, we suggest you check before heading out. The opinions and reviews which follow are those of the Editor and staff - if you have an issue to raise about them, please ring us, rather than the venue.

SANDERST’D: • Sanderstead BR • Stones Hair Salon • Wine Cellar SHIRLEY: • Cricketers • Crown • Sandrock • Shirley Inn • Surprise Inn

Got something going on? We’re not psychic, people - let us know! What’s on listings are FREE!

FORESTDALE: • Forestdale Arms • McDermott’s Fish Restaurant SELHURST: • Clifton Arms • Pepperton UK • Selhurst Arms • Two Brewers THORNTON HEATH: • The Lord Napier WOODSIDE GREEN: • Beehive

Call Angela on 07910 506197 or 020 8680 3558 or e-mail: angela@deep-london.co.uk

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what’s on Future Events: • Event: Witchfest South 16 May 2009. A ‘mini’ witchfest at The Stanley halls, South Norwood. For further details visit www.witchfest.net • CHARITY: Moonwalk 2009 16 May 2009. 15000 women (and some men) pounding 26 miles of London Streets in their bras in aid of breast cancer charities. This years walk is already full, but you can find out more, volunteer or donate to the cause at www.walkthewalk.org. Or sponsor our walker via twitter @MandyPandy32 or online at https://www.bmycharity.com/V2/aman dawilkie

Every Day: • Exhibition: Hidden Treasures from the Mary Rose 7th April - 7th August 2009 A major exhibition of artefacts and history of the Mary Rose, Henry XIII’s flagship. The Exhibition will be open daily: 10am - 5pm. Telephone Bookings and General Enquiries: 0208 633 9939 Bookings are available in the morning between 10am and 1pm or in the afternoon between 2pm and 5pm. Please note that last admission is at 4pm. Whitgift Conference Centre, Whitgift School, Brighton Road, South Croydon CR2 6YT, Tel: 0208 633 9939 www.maryrosehiddentreasures.org • Art: AC/DC: Let There Be Rock Until 31 May 2009 A photographic trip throught the Bon Scott years by Philip Morris, who was there for the whole thing. Proud Gallery / Bar / Venue Camden, until 31 May 2009. Monday - Saturday: 11am - 7pm Sunday: 11am - 6pm Entrance into the Gallery is always free. www.proud.co.uk Stables Market, London, NW1 8 020 7482 3867 • Exhibition: Indian Strings and Dances 10 April – 31 July 2009 This colourful, interactive exhibition is curated by the London Sitar Ensemble, the Museum of Croydon and Sutton

Something to do every night of the week, Yay! Subrang and will showcase the best in Indian music and dance. Indian music and dance is one of the finest traditions in the world. The exhibition will trace the story of these art forms, tracking the evolutionary changes, transformations and contributions of musicians and dancers, both famous and unknown. The 400-year history of travel, migration and cultural exchange between India and Britain has had a significant influence on the cultural scene in Britain. Indian Strings and Dances aims to explore the significant influence and contribution made by the musicians and dancers of South Asia in Britain. FREE entry. Museum Of Croydon, Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street

Every Monday: • Market: Surrey Street London’s oldest continuously running market since 1276, with fruit and veg, bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food, all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydon www.surreystreetmarket.com • Music: Free Your Voice World a capella singing drop-in. Beginners 6.30pm, intermediate 7.45pm. Workshop rooms at The Clocktower, Katharine Street. For more details phone Cate on 020 8683 4737 or e-mail catherine@naturalvoice.net. • Music: Folk and Blues Club From 8pm. Prices vary depending on artist. Call Brian on 0208 698 5322 for further info. Licensed bar. Ruskin House,Coombe Road, CRO. • Music: Big Beer Band The 8 million Big Beer Band musicians do their big-band thang at the Brief. From 9pm ish TheBrief, George Street, Croydon • Games: Free Pool Every Monday at The Alma. The Alma Tavern 129 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0, 020 8654 5842 • Lifestyle: Croydon Life Club Every Monday 7.30-9.00pm £15.00 per workshop (Concessions given) Croydon Life Club, St Mildred’s Centre Bingham Road, Addiscombe, CR0 7EB More info visit: www.lifeclubs.co.uk • Dance: Ballroom & Latin American Ballroom and latin American classes with 19

stars from BB1 show “Strictly Come Dancing” Fairfield Halls Croydon on Monday evenings for all abilities. 8 week course. Booking essential. Telephone 07944 931130, www.karenhardystudios.com

Every Tuesday: • Market: Surrey Street London’s oldest continuously running market since 1276, with fruit and veg, bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food, all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydon www.surreystreetmarket.com • Fitness: Yoga Classes Every Tuesday from 7.30pm-9pm. £5 a class for 6 sessions. Beginners welcome. 140 Brighton Road, Purley. 0208 763 2629 • Dance: Belly Dancing Come and join the fun every Tuesday. Classes are for women only and suitable for all ages, sizes and levels of ability. Make sure you wear comfortable clothing and bring a scarf to tie around your hips to really get you in the mood! Open level - suitable for all 6pm7.15pm In depth class - suitable for experienced dancers only: 7.30pm8.45pm. £7 per class. Call Charlotte Desorgher on 01342 850423 The Green Room, Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, CR9 1DG. Box Office: 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Dance: Ceroc Learn to Ceroc every Tuesday in the Arnhem Gallery. Ceroc is an exciting and stylish modern partner dance which can be performed to all types of music. It’s very easy to pick up, no special clothes are required and you don’t need to bring a partner as we make sure everyone mixes together. Beginners: 8pm; Intermediate: 9pm Freestyle: 9.30pm-11pm Membership £2, Admission £6 For further info tel: 020 8466 5030 or visit: www.cerockent.com Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, CR9 1DG. Box Office: 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Quiz: The Builders Arms General knowledge quiz, always well supported, from 9pm. The Builders Arms

what’s on • Quiz: The Sandrock Music/general knowledge quiz from 8.30pm every Tuesday. The Sandrock, Upper Shirley Rd, Shirley, CR0. 020 8662 1931. • Quiz: The Crown From 8.30pm The Crown, 28 Wickham Road, Shirley, 020 8662 7801 • Quiz: Dog and Bull from 9ish. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Club: Beautiful People Beautiful people is on every Tuesday night. This long running alternative night continues to leap ahead having been ahead of the pack in the past playing nu-metal and screamo we are now moving into playing a majority of emo. Our recent celebrity visitors have included My Chemical Romance (we were first UK club to play them) and Alkaline trio alongside them we championed Fallout Boy and Panic at the Disco. Resident DJ Zoe Urchin also blends in ska (Mad Caddies to Specials to Desmond Dekker) and punk ( Undertones to Afi to Green day to Minor Threat) some new school rock (Trivium to Queens of stone age) and a pinch of hip hop and dance (Pendulum to Kano). Drinks deals are an unbeatable £2 for Jack daniels and coke, £1.50 for house spirits and two bottled beers for £3 11pm-3am. £3 flyer/conc before midnight £5 after or otherwise all night theres a full listing, downlaodable flyer, photo gallery , Djs picks and links to our my space page www.wolfshead.co.uk Metro, Basement 19 Oxford Street London W1, www.wolfshead.co.uk • Club: Common People The best indie night in your life! EVER! £1 entry before 10pm, £2 after, £1 drinks till 11pm! Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar

Every Wednesday: • Market: Surrey Street London’s oldest continuously running market since 1276, with fruit and veg, bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food, all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydon

www.surreystreetmarket.com • Event: Pool Competition The weekly pool competition returns to the Oval, from 7pm. £2 in, cash prizes. The Oval Tavern, Oval Road, East Croydon. • Gay: Camp Bingo hosted by Miss Isla Blige. Starts 8pm with various prizes. Happy Hour Drinks when you buy your books until the first number is called. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net

Every Thursday: • Market: Surrey Street London’s oldest continuously running market since 1276, with fruit and veg, bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food, all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydon www.surreystreetmarket.com • Music: Live Jazz Every Thursday lunchtime from 12.30pm. FREE! Cafe Opera, Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, CR0. 020 8253 1030. www.croydon.gov.uk/clocktower • Music: The New Delta Big Band From Ellington to Herman, big band jazz at its best! 8.15pm to 11pm. FREE! Every 1st and 3rd Thursday of the month. The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Music: The Brian Hetherington Jazz Band Listen or jive to the authentic rythyms of New Orleans. 8.30pm-11pm. FREE! Every 2nd and 4th Thursday of the month. The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Quiz: Mike C’s General Knowledge Quiz - NEW! From 9.00pm Mike K’s general knowledge quiz, non-members welcome! Caterham Club, 10A, Croydon Road, Caterham CR36QB • Music: Open Mic at The Good Companions, Hamsey Green, South Croydon, every Thursday 8.30 p.m. Musicians ( Guitarists or others with any ‘reasonable’ instrument ), Duo’s, Trios, Singers, welcome Tel: 0208 6576655. wwwthegoodcompanions.com 20

The Good Companions, Hamsey Green, South Croydon • Club: Xplosive The Wolfshead alternative mafia try a new night at this poular South London bar known up until now for its dance events just around the corner from Brixton tube. Into its plush surroundings will come DJ Zoe Urchin and guests cunningly blendingly together an eclectic romp through the alternative genre featuring indie (Arctics to White Stripes), emo, (My Chemical Romance to Panic at the Dsico), alternative rock ( System of a Down to Green Day), punk (Misfits to Blink 182) ,ska ( Specials to Less than jake)and alternative dance (Pendulum to Kanye). Drinks deals are Jack daniels and coke £2.50, house spirits and mixer £2.00 and 2 selected beers for £3. 10pm- 3am £3 before midnight, £5 after less for students/flyers/members. flyer to download at website www.wolfshead.co.uk Tongue and Groove, 50 Atlantic Road Brixton • Gay: Discotek Midweek gay music club with world class music. Two rooms of music every Thursday with 'The Phunked Up Disco' in the lounge and pumping house vibes in the main room. Resident DJs Femi B, Jeffrey Hinton, Luke Hope, Guy Williams, Paul Heron, Tom McMillan, plus international and UK guests. Weekly pre-party @ The Edge and Candy Bar (from 2100) The End, 18 West Central St London WC1A 1JJ. 020 7419 9199 www.endclub.com • Club: Rock Night South London’s biggest and best rock night. Live music every Thursday from 8-9.30. FREE before 10pm and most drinks are at happy hour prices till 9pm...what more do you want?! Bands are followed by DJ Tony X. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Dance: Salsa De Cuba with Leo & Co. Classes from 8pm followed by club salsa until 1am. The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632. • Dance: Simply Salsa Learn to dance salsa every Thursday. Beginners welcome. No partner required.

what’s on Classes from 7.30pm, club til midnight. Admission £7.00 class and club, £3.00 club only. It’s fun and friendly, monthly Sunday’s also!! For further info. simplysalsa@ukonline.co.uk 07957 431216 or 07759 584591 The Treehouse, South End, Croydon • Dance: Clog Dancing Free taster sessions for newcomers to try out some lively N.W. English clog team dances - wear trainers or similar footwear. Musicians with portable acoustic instruments always welcome too. PLEASE CALL BEFORE HEADING OUT, as some Thursdays this night is not on. 8.30 pm. FREE! Call 020 8654 5211/020 8657 4056 (eves.) for details United Reformed Church Hall, corner Enmore/Cobden Road, S. Norwood • Dance: Morris Dancing North Wood Morris Men are teaching Men's Morris to complete beginners on Thursday evenings at the Scout Hut in Purley Park Road at 8.15 pm and newcomers are welcome (first call 020 8668 1830) see www.northwoodmorris.org.uk • Dance: Soca / Calypso Beginners welcome and rum punch served! The Newton Arms, 175 Queens Road, Croydon, 020 8684 7654 • Dance: The South East London Lindy Hop Club Come and learn to dance Lindy Hop (Jitterbug) like they did in the 1940's. No partner required and Caron and Steve specialise in helping those with two left feet get together with those with two right. Doors open 7.30pm Beginners Class 7.45pm Intermediate Class 8.30pm Freestyle (practice) 9.15pm The Royston Club, 85 Royston Road Penge, London, SE20 7QW www.52ndstreetjump.co.uk • Karaoke: Arkwrights Wheel All together now... Arkwrights Wheel, 151 North End, CR0. 020 8649 8638. • Karaoke: Selhurst Arms Thursday night would appear to be karaoke night bleedin’ everywhere... From 8pm. Selhurst Arms, Selhurst Rd, SE25. • Quiz: Purley Arms Quiz-a-rama, every Thursday from 8.30pm, £1 in for cash prizes + other goodies. Purley Arms, 345 Brighton Road, South Croydon, 020 8686 3792 • Quiz: Cricketers

General knowlegde quiz with £50 prize. The Cricketers, 47 Shirley Rd, CR0 7ER 020 8655 3507 • Music: Boulevard Live music while you eat. Boulevard, 7-8 Ruskin Parade, Selsdon Road, South Croydon. 020 8649 9990. • Music: Open Mic Quiz Night at The Good Companions 8.00 p.m. ww.thegoodcompanions.com Limpsfield Road, South Croydon 0208 657 6655

Every Friday: • Market: Surrey Street London’s oldest continuously running market since 1276, with fruit and veg, bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food, all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydon www.surreystreetmarket.com • Photography: Camera Club Camera Club meeting in West Croydon every Friday night welcomes visitors and new members. Full programme of events including print/slide talks, portrait evenings, competitions, etc. Ample parking. Contact Colin on 020 8665 1678. Visit www.thorntonheathcameraclub.co.uk • Club: DJ Night Every Friday. Pistols, Brighton Road, Coulsdon • Club: Upstairs DJ's including Louis from Choice FM. Drink promotion from 9pm - 11pm with all house spirits £2. The only club in Croydon licensed until 3am. Entry £3 before 11pm and £5 after. Free entry to diners of the restaurant. Guest list and venue hire available, please contact 020 8688 9837 for details. www.treehousepeople.com Upstairs, above Treehouse restaurant 78 South End, CR0 020 8688 9837 • Music: DJ Party Night The Newton Arms, 175 Queens Road, Croydon, 020 8684 7654 • Karaoke: Karaoke Madness Singalong fun with Jerry Baker & Co in the bar from 9pm. The Norbury, The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632. • Club: Club Zone following on from Karaoke Madness is Club Zone @ The Edge Nightclub playing club & party classics with guest 21

DJs, open til 3am. The Edge Nightclub, The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632. • Club: Dj Steve Mapp in the main room Dj Mark B in Surfers All Drinks £1.50 5pm to 9pm Dress code: Smart casual. Walkabout, Crown Hill, Croydon • Music: Starsound Gold DJ playing all styles of music. from 7pm The Swan and Sugarloaf, Brighton Road, South Croydon • Karaoke: Forestdale Arms Featherbed Lane, CR0. 020 8651 1260. • Karaoke: Swan & Sugarloaf Swan and Sugarloaf, 1 Brighton Rd, CR0. 020 8686 2562 • Karaoke: The Norbury From 9pm. The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632. • Music: Alma Tavern Live music. Alma Tavern, 129 Lwr Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8654 5842. • Music: Jolly Farmers Live music every Friday Jolly Farmers, 7 High Street, Purley (on Purley Cross) 020 8660 2076 • Music: Mama K’s Blues Bar Mama K's blues bar, run by local blues/rock musicians, open jam from 8 pm, full backline provided. Main band 10pm. Licensed bar. £2 entry. Ruskin House,Coombe Road, CRO. 020 8661 0183

Every Saturday: • Market: Surrey Street London’s oldest continuously running market since 1276, with fruit and veg, bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food, all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydon www.surreystreetmarket.com • Dance: Bollywood Groove & Bhangra Funky and energetic dance class. Beginners and improvers welcome. Come along and bring your friends. From 12.30pm – 1.30pm. £5 a class. Free parking available. Ground Floor, Dance & Drama Studio Archbishop Lanfranc, Croydon, Surrey, CR9 3AS. Tel: 020 8776 1717 or 07932 530 370 • Games: Pool Competition From 3pm. Old Derby, 44 Pitlake, CR0. 020 8688 5674. • Music: Starsound Gold DJ playing all styles of music. from 7pm

what’s on The Swan and Sugarloaf, Brighton Road, South Croydon • Games: Pool / Domino Tournaments in the afternoon - call for more details. The Newton Arms, 175 Queens Road, Croydon, 020 8684 7654 • Music: DJ Party Night The Newton Arms, 175 Queens Road, Croydon, 020 8684 7654 • Music: Jolly Farmers Live music every Saturday Jolly Farmers, 7 High Street, Purley (on Purley Cross) 020 8660 2076 • Club: Saturday Night With Linton and Friends A plethora of musical carnage from the beast of butch and his followers… Dance floor fillers, cheese and sleaze. Open til stupid-o’clock in the morning. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: The Big Double Classic hits in the bar from 9pm followed by guest acts and DJs at The Edge, open til 3am. The Norbury & The Edge Nightclub. The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632 • Club: Dj Andy B in the main room & Dj Randy T in surfers All drinks £1.50 7pm to 9pm Dress code: Smart casual. Walkabout, Crown Hill, Croydon • Club: Upstairs See ‘Every Friday’ for full details. Upstairs, above Treehouse restaurant 78 South End, CR0, 020 8688 9837 • Music: Live Music - NEW Every Saturday. Pistols, Brighton Road, Coulsdon

Every Sunday: • Music: Open Mic Acoustic ‘ Open Mike’ night at The Jolly Farmers, Purley, every Sunday 8.45 p.m. Tel: 0208 6602076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk The Jolly Farmers, on ‘Purley Cross’, Purley • Quiz: Good Companions Quiz Night at The Good Companions 8.00 p.m. www.thegoodcompanions.com Limpsfield Road, South Croydon 0208 657 6655 • Music: Open Mic

All welcome! The Newton Arms, 175 Queens Road, Croydon, 020 8684 7654 • Music: Starsound Gold DJ playing all styles of music. from 12pm The Derby, Pitlake, Croydon • Karaoke: Karaoke Madness With Jacko and Co + DJ in the bar til 1am. The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632 • Club: Disco Gold Until 1am. FREE! before 10pm. The Edge Nightclub. The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632 • Club: Croydon Backgammon Club Sundays from 8PM. Ruskin House, Coombe Road, Croydon • Quiz: Forestdale Arms Weekly music quiz. Forestdale Arms, Featherbed Lane, CR0. 020 8651 1260 • Quiz: The Crown From 8.30pm The Crown, 28 Wickham Road, Shirley, 020 8662 7801 • Quiz: The Rail View Every Sunday from 8.30pm. The Rail View 188 Selsdon Rd, CR2 020 8688 2315 • Quiz: The Kenley Hotel From 9.00pm Mike K’s general knowledge quiz The Kenley Hotel, 68, Godstone Road, Kenley CR8 5AA • Music: Live New Orleans Jazz Every Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at The Lord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dance floor, raffle, great atmosphere at one of the longest running Jazz Pubs in Great Britain The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286

Got something going on? Let us know e-mail: angela@deep-london.co.uk

Wednesday 01 April • Event: April Fool’s Day Oh how we laughed... • Pool: The Oval Pool Competition Every Wednesday from 19.30 hrs. Balls and banter - a textbook night in the pub. £2 to enter, with cash prizes. The Oval Tavern, 22

131 Oval Road, Croydon, CR0 6BR 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Music: Space Age Hero / The 23 Enigma live music at the Ship. 8pm. The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/theshipofcroydon • Music: April Ball’s Day! with The Display Team, Ten Foot Nun, Perhaps Contraption. 8pm start. Upstairs. FREE entry. The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Quiz: Mike C’s General Knowledge Quiz - NEW! From 9.00pm Mike K’s general knowledge quiz, non-members welcome! Caterham Club, 10A, Croydon Road, Caterham CR36QB • Club: This Is Not Alternative An evening of the naughtiest pop, dance and cheese to dance around your handbag to, with DJ Linton. Doors 8pm, free entry and happy hour bar before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Event: The Loves & Laughs Of Henry Blofeld Test Match commentator, broadcaster & raconteur Blowers! Comes to Croydon. Brilliant! 7.45pm £16. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Club: King Of Clubs Loop Lounge Poker Night: It's the standard Texas Hold’em format that we all know and love. This night is open to all Loop Lounge members. To register an interest and book a place at our tables please visit our website. Midday until midnight Half price on all drinks: Monday to Thursday 5pm to 7pm, Fridays 5pm to 9pm Open Midday until 11pm. FREE entry. Dress: No caps, sportswear, or hooded tops. Jeans and trainers are permitted. Over 18s only - ID required. Loop Lounge, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ. 020 8760 7000 www.looplounge.co.uk • Dance: Dancercise Keep fit and meet new people at this

what’s on fun and friendly beginners dance class. Come and join the fun every Wednesday. 7.30pm. £3.50. Central Court, Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Quiz: The Edge Weekly quiz: gen knowledge / music / sport / missing link / mystery year. £50 bar tab to the winner. 8pm. £1 per person entry The Edge, 1 South End, Croydon • Gay: Camp Bingo hosted by Miss Isla Blige – drinks at Happy Hour Prices from when you buy your books until the first number is called. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net

Thu 02 • Music: Kris Dollimore Tough, brilliantly original, Medway delta and Mississippi trance blues from the lean, hungry and stomping Godfathers lead guitar. 8pm The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, Croydon, CR0 6BR 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Event: 80s Birthday Night Help the Half and Half celebrate their anniversary with some 80s-tastic-tunes. Free drink on arrival. Tickets £1. Half and Half, 282 High Street Croydon 020 8726 0080 www.halfandhalf.uk.com • Club: Alt X South London's biggest rock and metal night with DJs Tony X and Hazekeal Rage. Cheap drinks till 11pm. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Quiz: JF Big Quiz From 8pm. The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Rd, Purley Surrey CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Quiz: Crown and Sceptre Fun general knowledge quiz. Every Thursday from 9pm.

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on Crown and Sceptre, 32 Junction Road, South Croydon, 020 8688 8037 • Quiz: Wendy’s Wonderful Pub Quiz See the star of this month’s Croydonhello! in action as quiz-master general at the dragon’s fun pub-quiz. Upstairs. The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: The New Delta Big Band From Ellington to Herman, big band jazz at its best! 8.15pm to 11pm. FREE! Every 1st and 3rd Thursday of the month. The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286

Fri 03 • Poetry: Poets Anonymous Friday Poetry at the Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon, Surrey. Floor spots. From 8pm. £2 waged, £1 unwaged. Contact Peter for further details; peter@poetsanon.org.uk, 020 8645 9956 • Music: DJ BennyManyHats playing indie, classics and ska. FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Oval DJs The regular Oval faves, plus guests, keeping Fridays funky. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, Croydon, CR0 6BR 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Comedy: Croydon Comedy Club Live stand-up at the Fairfield, every fortnight. 8.30pm - £9. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Club: WTF with DJ Zoe Urchin serving up the best Indie guitar grooves all night long. Doors 7pm, free entry before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: F**k It, It’s Friday Audiopollen at Loop every Friday Loop’s punch the crunch is Croydon’s afterwork party venue. Half price on all drinks from 5pm until 9pm each and every Friday. Expect a beautiful night 23

with beautiful people. 8pm until 3am £5 advance tickets. More information and guest list call 07793 290638 Dress: No caps, sportswear, or hooded tops. Jeans and trainers are permitted. Over 18s only - ID required. Loop Lounge, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ. 020 8760 7000 www.looplounge.co.uk • Karaoke: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8.30pm every Friday night. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Event: Whitechapel’s Trail Of Terror Informative and entertaining Jack The Ripper walk around Whitechapel. Meet at 6pm at The Blind Beggar Pub. £5 (£3 concessions). For more info and to book a place see: www.myspace.com/ whitechapelstrailofterror

Sat 04 • Market: Garden Market The Alma Garden Market hopes to create a vibrant bustling market place in the large private courtyard of The Alma pub in Crystal Palace. It runs every Saturday with over 20 stalls selling plants & flowers, beauty products & treatments, exotic oils, olive oils, capers, strawberrys, chocolates, jewellery, hand made cards, rugs, leatherwear, knitwear, deli produce & wide range of arts & crafts from local artists. The Alma, 95 Church Road, Crystal Palace, London SE19 www.thealmapub.com • Event: The Grand National The greatest horse race in the world. Watch it live on BBC1. 4.15pm. • Club: DJ Linton Dance bombs. Funk Rockets. Beatseeking missiles. Never outgunned. The biggest dancefloor monsters from DJ LINTON. Because it's war on the dancefloor. Doors 7pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. ww.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: Rock ‘n’Roll Night Dress up, get down, twist and jive! (DJ Bunny) The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Club: 20 Years of House

what’s on

Please mention Deep-London when visiting venues... Alex P & Pete Walsh: It has always been about house music and it always will be. 8pm until 3am. Advance: £8. Tickets available from Loop Lounge and Swag Records On the door : £12 before 11pm, £15 after 11pm For guest list call 07908 053347 or email delharris@live.co.uk Dress Code: Sexy! (No caps, sportswear, or hooded tops. Jeans and trainers are permitted). Over 18s only - ID required. Loop Lounge, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ. 020 8760 7000 www.looplounge.co.uk • Music: Boot Led Zeppelin supported by The Rollin’ Stoned £18-£22. 7pm-11pm Shepherd’s Bush Empire, 56 Shepherds Bush Green, London, W12 8QE. Tel: 0870 771 2000 www.o2shepherdsbushempire.co.uk www.boot-led-zeppelin.com • Music: DJ Rob Delta 1st Saturday of the month. Funk, blues, soul and psychedelia. FREE entry. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, Croydon, CR0 6BR 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday The Gun Tavern, Crown Hill, Croydon • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday Portmanor, Portland Road, South Norwood, SE25 4UF

Sun 05 • Music: Lloyd Ryan Lunchtime Jazz from 12pm. FREE! www.jazznet.co.uk The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Live New Orleans Jazz Every Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at The Lord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dance floor, raffle, great atmosphere at one of the longest running Jazz Pubs in Great Britain The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath. 020 8653 2286 • Music: Jeremiah Marques and the Blue Aces Chicago Blues and skanking Jamaican R'n'B vibes from Jerimiah and band. 5.30pm The Oval Tavern,

131 Oval Road, Croydon, CR0 6BR 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Club: Trashville Rock N Roll, Rockabilly, Psychobilly. Free entry before 10pm, with DJs Bunny, Johnny Spazz & Flattop Dave. Doors 7pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Quiz: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8pm. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Music: Open Mic Sundays Live music every Sunday The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Open Mic The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Music: Open Mic Jam evening, acoustic open mic. All welcome.. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon

Mon 06 • Music: Croydon Jazz Band Big band jazz - 1st Monday of every month Botley Hill Farmhouse, Limpsfield Road, Warlingham Surrey, CR6 9QH. Phone: 01959 577154 email: enquiries@botleyhillfarmhouse.co.uk • Music: The Big Beer Band Live big-band music. Every Monday from 9ish. FREE! The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/the_brief www.bigbeerband.org • Music: Community Choir Upstairs, all welcome. The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Club: Word To Your Mother Music from the 90’s – grunge, Britpop, dodgy pop and vanilla ice Half price drinks until 12am Doors 7pm, free before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. 24

www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Blue Monday Buy one hour of Pool and receive one hour free of charge. Don’t worry if you are on a one-hour lunch break - we will give you a voucher to use another day. If you are not a member you can join at reception free of charge if you bring some ID along. Half price on all drinks: Monday to Thursday 5pm to 7pm, Fridays 5pm to 9pm Open Midday until 11pm. FREE entry. Dress: No caps, sportswear, or hooded tops. Jeans and trainers are permitted. Over 18s only - ID required. Loop Lounge, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ. 020 8760 7000 www.looplounge.co.uk • Gay: The Big Fun Gay Quiz Night fun and general knowledge quiz. Questions from all categories, games that everyone can enjoy. Start the week off with a bang! Starts 8pm The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net

Tue 07 • Exhibition: Hidden Treasures from the Mary Rose 7th April - 7th August 2009 A major exhibition of artefacts and history of the Mary Rose, Henry XIII’s flagship. The Exhibition will be open daily: 10am - 5pm. Telephone Bookings and General Enquiries: 0208 633 9939 Bookings are available in the morning between 10am and 1pm or in the afternoon between 2pm and 5pm. Please note that last admission is at 4pm. Whitgift Conference Centre, Whitgift School, Brighton Road, South Croydon CR2 6YT, Tel: 0208 633 9939 www.maryrosehiddentreasures.org • Event: Anna’s Cocktail Night 1st and 3rd Tuesdays of the month. The Oval does kitsch! Great house cocktail menu, complete with Twiglets on the bar. Watch out for DJs and guest live music slots. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, Croydon, CR0 6BR 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... • Pool: Pool Competition downstairs. 8pm start The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Club: Common People Presents: Dirty Pretty Things (dj set) plus live sets from the Cairo Club and The Laurels. Cheap Sheep drinks deals till 11pm with hot Indie and Electro tunes from DJs The Spivs. Doors 7pm, £1 entry. Doors 7pm, £4 all night.. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: Freedom Of Expression Matt Knowles, The L.C.D., Cellar Door and Milla Traylen. The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Club: King Of Clubs Loop Lounge Poker Night: It's the standard Texas Hold’em format that we all know and love. This night is open to all Loop Lounge members. To register an interest and book a place at our tables please visit our website. Midday until midnight Half price on all drinks: Monday to Thursday 5pm to 7pm, Fridays 5pm to 9pm Open Midday until 11pm. FREE entry. Dress: No caps, sportswear, or hooded tops. Jeans and trainers are permitted. Over 18s only - ID required. Loop Lounge, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ. 020 8760 7000 www.looplounge.co.uk

• Dance: Dancercise Keep fit and meet new people at this fun and friendly beginners dance class. Come and join the fun every Wednesday. 7.30pm. £3.50. Central Court, Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Quiz: The Edge Weekly quiz: gen knowledge / music / sport / missing link / mystery year. £50 bar tab to the winner. 8pm. £1 per person entry The Edge, 1 South End, Croydon • Gay: Camp Bingo hosted by Miss Isla Blige – drinks at Happy Hour Prices from when you buy your books until the first number is called. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Music: Mumocity IX Live heavy metal. The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Bundle Of Id, Deviate 88 live music at the Ship. 8pm. FREE! The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/theshipofcroydon • Club: Discord NEW MUSIC EVERY WEDNESDAY. K*NT & THE KANG + WONK UNIT + THE SHIPBUILDERS. Cheap Sheep drinks deals till 9pm, plus £1 Tequila shots & £1 bottle of beer. Doors 7pm, £3 entry. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar

Wed 08

Thu 09

• Pool: The Oval Pool Competition Every Wednesday from 19.30 hrs. Balls and banter - a textbook night in the pub. £2 to enter, with cash prizes. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, Croydon, CR0 6BR 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Quiz: Mike C’s General Knowledge Quiz From 9.00pm Mike K’s general knowledge quiz, non-members welcome! Every Wednesday Caterham Club, 10A, Croydon Road, Caterham CR36QB

• Music: Guest DJ The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Club: Slaughterhouse Fetish Ball SLAVES & MASTERS Filthy beats, sideshow freaks & shows that will make your eyes fall out. Get on your best gear and “BRING OUT THE GIMP” Those who don’t make the effort may not be let in! £4 before 10, £6 after www.blacksheepbar.com/fetish. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 25

what’s on 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: Giles Hedley Duo Rootsy polymath Giles delivers his usual delta-fed passion and grit; backed up by bass powerhouse Richard Sadler. Bands start 8pm Thursdays, 5.30pm Sundays. FREE entry! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, Croydon, CR0 6BR 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • CHARITY: Rave To Save in aid of The Children's Trust Tadworth For children with multiple disabilities Some of Londons finest DJs charitably offer their superb blends of dirty house, electro, and tech-house for your raving pleasure. So come along and rave to save! Lewi Five’ O (Scala Pacha Egg Mos) Mouj (High Tide Jaded) B2B (Lively) Brad Hepburn (Mos Pacha B2B) Charlie Babbit Houston (Mos Pacha) James Murray (Mos Pacha) Tommy Mac (Mos Pacha Itch Records) B2B Si Gern (Me And Mandy) Ceri Cross (Mos Pacha Egg) For more info call 07515 966 734 or email cowens@thechildrenstrust.org.uk 8pm until 3am £5 before 11pm or in advance, £7 after 11pm. Tickets available in advance from Loop Lounge and www.ticketweb.co.uk Over 18 years of age or more. R.O.A.R. All entry fees go to The Children’s Trust, Registered Charity No: 288018 Loop Lounge, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ. 020 8760 7000 www.looplounge.co.uk • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Quiz: JF Big Quiz From 8pm. The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Rd, Purley Surrey CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076. www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Quiz: Crown and Sceptre Fun general knowledge quiz. Every Thursday from 9pm. Crown and Sceptre, 32 Junction Road, South Croydon, 020 8688 8037 • Music: The Brian Hetherington Jazz Band Listen or jive to the authentic rythyms of New Orleans. 8.30pm-11pm. FREE!

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... Every 2nd and 4th Thursday of the month. The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286

Fri 10 • Bank Holiday: Good Friday • Exhibition: Indian Strings and Dances 10 April – 31 July 2009 This colourful, interactive exhibition is curated by the London Sitar Ensemble, the Museum of Croydon and Sutton Subrang and will showcase the best in Indian music and dance. Indian music and dance is one of the finest traditions in the world. The exhibition will trace the story of these art forms, tracking the evolutionary changes, transformations and contributions of musicians and dancers, both famous and unknown. The 400-year history of travel, migration and cultural exchange between India and Britain has had a significant influence on the cultural scene in Britain. Indian Strings and Dances aims to explore the significant influence and contribution made by the musicians and dancers of South Asia in Britain. FREE entry. Museum Of Croydon, Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street • Music: Oval DJs The regular Oval faves, plus guests, keeping Fridays funky. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, Croydon, CR0 6BR 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Karaoke: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8.30pm every Friday night. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Music: DJ BennyManyHats playing indie, classics and ska The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Club: WTF? Four decades of Indie, Alternative, Electro and Punk hits with DJ Zoe Urchin. Cheap Sheep drinks deals till 9pm. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm.. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Techno Social Club

Launch Party with D.Ramirez Techno Social Club are all about bringing you the biggest headliners. DJs you would only expect to see in the big main rooms around the world play you the best in Techno and Tech House. For the launch party at Loop Lounge we bringyou the world renound, global phenomenon, D.Ramirez from Azuli records. D.Ramirez is by far the biggest DJ to EVER play in Croydon, this is a night not to be missed. Line Up: D.Ramirez, Chris Aidy, Lewi Five 0, Brad Hepburn, Louis Junior 8pm until 5am Admission: £10 early-bird advance tickets Tickets available from Loop Lounge and www.ticketweb.com. For more info call 07793 290638 Loop Lounge, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ. 020 8760 7000 www.looplounge.co.uk

Sat 11 • Poetry: Poets Anonymous Saturday Poetry in the Primary Room, United Reformed Church, Addiscombe Grove, Croydon, Surrey. 2.30-4.00pm. £1.50. Bring your poetry to read and share. Contact Peter for further details; peter@poetsanon.org.uk, 020 8645 9956 • CHARITY: Green Charity Night masses of live music, DJs, a raffle and other stuff. Only £1 on the door. Help Save the Planet. The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Event: Underground Reunion Meet up with former denizens of the sticky-floored, black-walled institution (in all senses) that was the Underground Club. With music from legend Pete Fox From 7pm-ish. For more info see the News-Hound page this month. The Ship, High Street, Croydon • CHARITY: Argentinian Tango Night an easter fundraising weekend for AADC for children. Easter Saturday we have linked with Buenos Aires for an evening of Argentinian Tango with two of Argentina's top tango dancers tickets VIP only £5.00 per ticket proceeds to the charity. . The Brass Monkey, Russell Hill Road, Purley 26

• Event: Easter BBQ BBQ and outside bar (weather permitting) The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Club: Linton Dance Bombs. Funk Rockets. BeatSeeking Missiles. Never Outgunned. Cheap Sheep drinks deals till 9pm. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Gifted A night of dirty house and electro with Ministry of Sound legend Jazzy M and The Loose Cannons plus more. Full line up: Jazzy M (Mos Legend) The Loose Cannons (Kiss 100) Simon Dale (Kiss 100) James Murray (Gifted) Jesse James (connected) John Paul (Plush Dafunk) Sam Dowling (Plush Dafunk) 9pm until 5am Advance: £10. Advance tickets available direct from Loop Lounge or by calling James on 07870 879 983 and also available from www.ticketweb.co.ukLoop Lounge, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ. 020 8760 7000 www.looplounge.co.uk • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday The Gun Tavern, Crown Hill, Croydon • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday Portmanor, Portland Road, South Norwood, SE25 4UF

Sun 12 • Event: Green Dragon Easter Egg Hunt All Day: Green Dragon EASTER EGG HUNT - oh yes folks it's back! (but beware, there's forfeits as well as prizes!). The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • CHARITY: Kids Easter Bonnet Party / Charity Disco kids easter bonnet party 1pm til 4pm Raffle at 4pm which includes prizes, meal for 2 at Buenos Aires, £25 drinks voucher at Brass Monkey plus much

EVELINA BECKERS

ON BEING A BARBECUE QUEEN, BROKEN LEGS, NITROUS OXIDE AND LEAVING HER WILD DAYS BEHIND

WORDS: NICK RAZZO. PHOTOS: ANGELA LUPO-CATTIVO

ack in London, recuperating from her skiing injury and despite having her leg in plaster Evelina “Cocky” Beckers is in buoyant mood and, like all good raconteurs, she can make a disaster seem soufflé light. “I was visiting Elizabeth “The Look” Hibberd and her boyfriend, Colin “Les” Dawson and had done a topless ski for charity. One day, I asked Dawson to take me up to the highest lift – which was broken – so we went for the second-highest – 6,300ft – and down I came. I was going too fast, basically, not concentrating enough (’cos I’m blonde) and I tumbled. I heard it snap but initially felt no pain. Then I DID feel pain. The worst pain I’ve ever known – though I’ve not experienced childbirth.” Were you rescued by a dog? “No, and I was hoping for a slurp of brandy out of its barrel.” Who rescued you? “This really annoying paramedic, who just kept saying “nitrous oxide’s coming, nitrous oxide’s coming” – I thought: “that’s good, ’cos I’ve done that”. But it was so weak.” Strange.

Catherine North: “Cheeky”

Evelina: “Young, single, independent.”

“I know. I thought: “This isn’t as good as the stuff I did at squat parties, aged 19” What happened at the hospital? “The doctor looked stoned out of his head. He gave me loads of morphine.” Was it nice? “It was very more-ish. I had to inject myself in the stomach with blood-thinning drugs for the flight home.” Sounds lively. As you approach the “dangerous age” of 27, are you slowing down? “I am. I was a party animal, but now I’m a domestic goddess (with a broken leg).” What about boys? “Bit of a subject! All the boys in Croydon are taken or not up to par. I have a “darker side”, but don’t we all? I went to a fetish club once, but the corsets and shoes killed me! As for relationships, I’m free, single and happy – and

Do you want to sponsor Evelina for her topless skiing footage to be shown on Youtube?: Email your donation details to evil_borris@yahoo.com

“All Croydon boys are either taken or not up to par”

Canadian Mountain Rescue’s nitrous oxide is not all it’s cracked up to be.

independent, thank you very much.” You have many male friends, though? “Indeed. I have my close boys. Bob, Billy, Chris. They do odd-jobs, shelving and my barbecues.” What do you know about Billy and eggs? “I don’t know anything about Billy and eggs. Is this an in-yoke? (Evelina demanded this joke be written down – Ed.) You, Ellie Hibberd and Stephanie

Evelina’s Essential Barbecue Recipe: • Halloumi and minted lamb kebabs – always goes down well.

Evelina Beckers’ social set: “South Croydon’s answer to The Great Gatsby.”

“Bunty Darkes” Barbato were Croydon It-Girls a few seasons ago. Since Steph has married is there now room for emerging it-girl Catherine North? “She’s cheeky enough for it! Very cheeky but very nice. She is Godmother to my cats, Daisy, Mia and Dexter and, now that I am incapacitated slightly, she has been very much in a nurse’s role: washing my hair, giving me a bedbath etc.” Future plans? Kids? “I want to travel, maybe a trip through New Zealand. I want to adopt.” Are you a good cook? “I cook a mean roast and good Thai curry.” If you were going to be executed, what would you have as your last meal? “A pie with a loaded gun in it!”

Evelina’s Top Telly: Cookin’: Evelina’s Barbecues are a highlight of the Croydon summer season.

• The Mighty Boosh • Never Mind the Buzzcocks.

THE JOY OF SIX

THE OVAL TAVERN CELEBRATES ITS SIXTH BIRTHDAY UNDER THE MANAGEMENT OF GRAEME AND FIONA

he Oval Tavern is an institution, let’s face it; to drink there is, without a hint of clique-yness, more like being a member of a club than a regular in a pub, and that is a rare and precious thing in these dark days. And DON’T tell your friends about it, at least not too many of ‘em: otherwise the secret will get out and the place will be swamped. Graeme and Fiona threw a 6th birthday bash for their stewardship of the Oval and it rocked hard - as you would expect - the music and the drink flowed. “The great thing about the Oval,” said one fan, who did not wish to be named, for fear of being branded a sycophant, “is that it is just far enough out of the central hubbub, but isn’t just a dreary local. The music, live and recorded, is always just right. The beer garden is like a sort of shrine to Apollo

and Dionysus simultaneously (we asked for an explanation for this bit of poetry. Turns out Apollo and Dionysus were sort of opposing gods. Apollo representing order – the fenced off green bits – and Dionysus relating to the sensual and spontaneous aspects of human character. That’ll be the rest of the garden and pub, then – Ed.) and there’s nothing finer than a sunny bank holiday weekend knocking the lager back in the garden and hearing Diz Watson or whoever rocking and rolling upstairs.” I couldn’t have put it better myself. It’s not rocket science, making a good pub, but it isn’t easy either. One area the Oval should be justly proud of itself is bar service: friendly, obliging, with a complete lack of that modern bar disease, the “I’m serving all my mates first and then I’ll do everyone else slowly and I won’t remember who’s first

in the queue” school of bartending. Then you have Nat and Anna – not just a great marriage but a great double act as well. The décor of old framed records is just perfect too – a reminder of the greats, a sort of salute to a golden era of talent. There’s no attitude, no violence just a goodtime boozer with a wicked music policy. Why haven’t all those ridiculous local pub awards got round to giving a gong to this place? Rumour has it the only thing the people who judge those awards are interested in is a pub’s security policy. Well, the Oval doesn’t need one. (Mind you, as Graeme said himself: ‘I don’t want any awards – don’t want everyone finding out about the place!’) Well, if I keep on like this I will be accused of brown-nosing, so it only remains for me to say: Happy birthday!

THE OVAL’S SO GOOD BECAUSE... Flicking The Vs: "It's out of the way of Croydon, it's friendly and just a nice place to be" "I live in Carshalton but come here 'cos it's a lovely pub. The people in here are adults, there's never any hassle. I won't go anywhere else" "The lovely girls"

In The Garden: ”It’s nirvana. Not the band" “The people, the atmosphere and the staff. It's a community centre, with a bar”

Lady-friendly: "I'd feel welcome walking in here on my own, like part of the family"

"The music - that's the element that if I walk into a place and the music's wrong I’ll walk out again"

WORDS: NICK RAZZO, ANGELA LUPO_CATTIVO. PHOTOS: ANGELA LUPO-CATTIVO

Quick! To The Bar!: ”The best thing about the Oval? Me! And it’s got to be ‘shot-o’clock!”

Best Of The Rest:"The landlord, 'cos he tweaks the pub continuously to keep it right for the punters. Happy staff that drink here even when they're not working, which is telling." "Graeme. I love his stomach" "The Oval is great just 'cos it is" "No effing football" "It's the Oval!"

Happy Conflab: "The artwork. And the sideburns" Staffing Issues: "I live here!" "The beautiful couple behind the bar, a wonderful example of bar-woman-ship.”

"The people and the music, and the beer's not too bad! And Graeme and all the bar staff, bearing in mind I want to get served again."

‘Minty’ says: ”It's an oasis in a desert called Croydon"

UNDERCOVER

with Nick Razzo

ust when scientific evidence is beginning to emerge demonstrating that television turns children into unimaginative drones with tiny attention spans, Rockmount Primary School installs its own TV channel, so it can lecture its young charges on healthy eating and green issues (blimey, pop kids, school was better 30 years ago when excitement was coloured chalk on a blackboard and they crossquestioned you about your consumption of the modish devil spawn known as Grange Hill). My advice to Rockmount pupils (Rockmountaineers?) is do what people used to do when they strongly disagreed with televisual content: KICK THE SCREEN IN! This column is pleased to announce that Nick “cassettes” Reeves has finished his rock opera about the now sadly nearly defunct Beanos Record Store and is now discussing publishing and distribution with Beanos head honcho Dave “Dave” Lashmar. Nick wants to get a preview audience together. “I’ve been recording for months, but nobody has heard it. I worry I’ve just been polishing a turd.” Don’t worry Nicko, it will rawk. This column spotted one of Nick’s long-term muses and former Beanos

Shenanigans: There’s friendly and then there’s... worker “Magik” Sam Fullman in a Soho public house the other week. The gnomic genius of banjo and postmodern theory was very jolly and enjoying his wine. “I’ve had a big night,” said “Magik”. It was not divulged who bought the drinks. This column had an amazing drink with the ever-humorous Billy “Shaggy” Lancaster, amateur monologist and part of the Evelina Beckers “live fast, eat halloumi” set. Billy seemed obsessed with eggs. “Look, I don’t know anything about eggs. Omelettes, poached, boiled you name it, I ain’t interested in eggs, all right? You said I was interested in eggs, not me. If you print anything about eggs it will be downright scurrility.” That’s told us. Fond traveller returns! Eric “Eric Clapton” Biggane has returned from a death-defying sojourn in Bolivia. An extremely jolly Eric regaled us with marvellous stories of his adventures in South America. Stop him and ask him

Billy Lancaster “We are the eggmen”

to tell you - they are breathtaking. Croydonhello! cover girl Wendy Freer’s fame is growing inexorably. She reports that she was accosted for autographs by strangers in the Oval on their open mic night a couple of weeks back. Nat “Nat” Johnson (of NatandAnna fame) also reports that said strangers were gagging with excitement at the bar, saying, in trembling voices: “Is that her? . . The girl. . . on. . . the cover?” Wet cacks all round! Our ears are cocked towards THE SHIP, where Landlord Dean and Fof “Fof ” Hunjan are renovating the space that used to house the Ship’s infamous pool club back in the early 90s. We fully expect the exciting new bar area to match the bacchanalian excess of the old pool club. Al “Belgian Al” De Niro and D “D” White’s new musical project, Sauce, played an absolute stormer at the Oval the other Saturday. White’s girlfriend Victoria “Jacko” Jackson and his drummer Jimbo “Darky” Darkin were both incredibly jolly. Darkin said: ‘Like, man. It’s a real trip. Like, far out.” Blimey, he only came from Brighton! The group’s bouncer Matthew “Fat Matt” Richardson stayed ensconced in the beer garden all night. “He’s been black-balled from the Country Club,” said Darkin, cryptically.

Dear Wendy, My husband wants us to meet a lady of the night and, while he relaxes, he wants me to stand nearby, wearing only a lampshade on my head and singing ‘Climb Upon My Knee, Sonny Boy’. Is this right? Confused, Old Coulsdon Wendy says: “He sounds like a right dirty pervert to me and not the kind I like! Dump him…you know you fancy his brother more anyway.” ........................................................ Dear Wendy, Is a small manhood something to be ashamed of? ‘Modest’, Purley Wendy says: “No don’t be ashamed of it. But do be aware that if it is a tiddler any woman you sleep with will tell their mates and have a jolly good giggle about it. Remember though if you’re good in other areas none of the “size” issues matter anyway. Besides, too long and it hurts like hell and feels like everything is about to be pushed out of the next nearest exit (mouth). Be proud of your tiddler, just don’t expect anything other than your woman faking it during intercourse though. Also with the little’uns please watch out for love puffs.” ........................................................ Dear Wendy, My wife wants to introduce food into our lovemaking. I have permitted Welsh Rarebit but draw the line at chops or curry. Am I right to do so? E. Tupp, Oval Road, Croydon Wendy says: “Well yes you are right

to avoid those food items. Sharp knives and hot spicy things are not the best bedroom accessories! Try sweet items such as chocolate and cream. (Leave the hundreds and thousands in the kitchen though as you could end up in all kinds of discomfort for days to come). If he insists he wants the “tingle” sensation of the curry, I’d suggest trying Original Source mint and tea-tree shower gel for the clean up in the shower. Leaves your lady and man bits all a-tingle and fresh. Then order a take away curry for the after fun food feeling.” ........................................................ Dear Wendy, My boyfriend can only achieve ultimate pleasure in our lovemaking if Joe Dolce’s ‘Shaddapa Yer Face’ is playing on the radiogram. He seems to think this is acceptable. Do you? ‘Music Lover’, Wallington Wendy says: “Perfectly acceptable. If he’s home alone with his right hand! Tut!” ........................................................ Dear Wendy, I want to be a pub celebrity. Any advice? ‘Wannabe’, Caterham Wendy says: “There’s only room for one pub celebrity in this here town! My celebrity status is only just being

GOT A PROBLEM? E-mail your ‘love puffs’ conundrums to Wendy at hello@deep-london.co.uk

recognized so let me have my turn first, come back in 6 months and I might help.” ........................................................ Dear Wendy, Which is better on a first date? A visit to a local cinema, a quick peck on the cheek and seeing your date safely on to the bus home. Or, a fourteen-hour drinking session followed by a lot of ‘noise’ in the front room? The Reverend Mal Larkey, West Croydon Wendy says: “Second choice any day!! Nothing better than a drunken night out with your mates; snogging like teenagers with your date in the pub; then jumping in a cab home for a night of rampant room hopping and neighbour waking noises (just make sure your flat mates are out and remove all evidence of “goings on” by morning). When the girl/boy leaves shout goodbye loudly thus: “Cheers for the good seeing to, great first date, might see you for round two next week!” (In good ear shot of the boring old married couple next door).” ........................................................ Dear Wendy, When making love with my boyfriend recently, he managed to ejaculate in my ear. He says it will boost my I.Q. Comments? 'Earache', Banstead Wendy says: “His aim isn't very good is it? Next time wear ear plugs and tell him to aim elsewhere. It's full of protein and great for the skin! Keep your eyes closed though - it stings!”

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... more, 8pm we will hold a charity disco all proceeds will go to AADC. . The Brass Monkey, Russell Hill Road, Purley • Music: DAVE WARREN / DAVE CLIFF QUARTET Two of the UK's finest guitarists Jazz in the afternoon from 1-3pm. FREE! www.jazznet.co.uk The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Open Deck’s Night 'ave a go!' (Pop in and see us if you want a dj slot.) 7-midnight The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Daytona Rocks Live music from Daytona Rocks (Funk/Classic Rock/Rockabilly) in the garden! Starts 4pm plus BBQ and outside bar (weather permitting!) The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Club: Croydub An unmissable night of Dubstep, with controllers Loefah, Skream, Benga, Hatcha, Pinch, Peverelist, Plastician, Joker, Subeena, Dot, Lion Heart, Foundation, Oneman, Skipple, mic men Sgt Pokes, Nomad, ASBO and Crazy D and siren Aurora. 8pm – 4am, £8 all night. . Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Innersense Drum n Bass Reunion Between 1992 and 1995 Innersense at Lazerdrome was the UKs number 1 drum and bass night, winning the Elevation best club awards in '93, '94 and '95. Innersense returns this Easter Sunday with a one off special featuring many pioneers of drum and bass and innersense favourites. Headline DJs on the hour every hour, just like it used to be. 9pm until 6am Tickets: £10 in advance, £12 on the door Order tickets from www.drumnbassdj.co.uk or order from www.ticketweb.co.uk More info on Facebook: Perfect Pitch Sound System Loop Lounge, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ. 020 8760 7000

www.looplounge.co.uk • Music: Live New Orleans Jazz Every Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at The Lord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dance floor, raffle, great atmosphere at one of the longest running Jazz Pubs in Great Britain The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath. 020 8653 2286 • Quiz: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8pm. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Music: Open Mic Sundays Live music every Sunday The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Open Mic The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Music: Open Mic Jam evening, acoustic open mic. All welcome.. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Music: Croydon Folk and Blues Club Ruskin House, 23 Coombe Road, Croydon, Surrey, http://folkandblues.org • Music: Rik Martin Band Hot rockin' power combo here to give it to you straight! Bands start 8pm Thursdays, 5.30pm Sundays. FREE entry! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, Croydon, CR0 6BR 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk

Mon 13 • Bank Holiday: Easter Monday • Event: Harness Horse Parade An annual parade of horses, ponies and donkeys and their carriages. The venue is the South of England Showground, Ardingly, West Sussex RH17 6TL (map) For details, see: www.lhhp.co.uk • Music: The Big Beer Band Live big-band music. Every Monday from 9ish. FREE! The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/the_brief www.bigbeerband.org • Music: Community Choir All welcome. Upstairs. 35

The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Club: Word To Your Mother Music from the 90’s – grunge, Britpop, dodgy pop and vanilla ice Half price drinks until 12am Doors 7pm, free before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Blue Monday Buy one hour of Pool and receive one hour free of charge. Don’t worry if you are on a one-hour lunch break - we will give you a voucher to use another day. If you are not a member you can join at reception free of charge if you bring some ID along. Half price on all drinks: Monday to Thursday 5pm to 7pm, Fridays 5pm to 9pm Open Midday until 11pm. FREE entry. Dress: No caps, sportswear, or hooded tops. Jeans and trainers are permitted. Over 18s only - ID required. Loop Lounge, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ. 020 8760 7000 www.looplounge.co.uk • Gay: The Big Fun Gay Quiz Night fun and general knowledge quiz. Questions from all categories, games that everyone can enjoy. Start the week off with a bang! Starts 8pm The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net

Tue 14 • Music: Blues Open Mic 2nd and 4th Tuesdays of the month. Simon's blues and acoustic open Open Mike nights. We let you entertain us! From 20.30 hrs.. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, Croydon, CR0 6BR 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Pool: Pool Competition downstairs. 8pm start The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub• Music: Freedom Of Expression Live acoustic music. Upstairs. The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Club: Common People Indie & Beyond. Great songs you know – great songs you don’t. With DJs Colt Zero and Arry Gateau and student friendly Cheap Sheep drinks deals till 11pm. Doors 7pm, £1 before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: King Of Clubs Loop Lounge Poker Night: It's the standard Texas Hold’em format that we all know and love. This night is open to all Loop Lounge members. To register an interest and book a place at our tables please visit our website. Midday until midnight Half price on all drinks: Monday to Thursday 5pm to 7pm, Fridays 5pm to 9pm Open Midday until 11pm. FREE entry. Dress: No caps, sportswear, or hooded tops. Jeans and trainers are permitted. Over 18s only - ID required. Loop Lounge, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ. 020 8760 7000 www.looplounge.co.uk

Wed 15 • Pool: The Oval Pool Competition Every Wednesday from 19.30 hrs. Balls and banter - a textbook night in the pub. £2 to enter, with cash prizes. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, Croydon, CR0 6BR 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Quiz: Mike C’s General Knowledge Quiz From 9.00pm Mike K’s general knowledge quiz, non-members welcome! Every Wednesday Caterham Club, 10A, Croydon Road, Caterham CR36QB • Dance: Dancercise Keep fit and meet new people at this fun and friendly beginners dance class. Come and join the fun every Wednesday. 7.30pm. £3.50. Central Court, Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Quiz: The Edge Weekly quiz: gen knowledge / music / sport / missing link / mystery year. £50 bar tab to the winner.

8pm. £1 per person entry The Edge, 1 South End, Croydon • Gay: Camp Bingo hosted by Miss Isla Blige – drinks at Happy Hour Prices from when you buy your books until the first number is called. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Quiz: Green Charity Quiz All welcome. The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Shattered Alliance, What Is Life For? live music at the Ship. 8pm. FREE! The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/theshipofcroydon • Club: Discord NEW MUSIC EVERY WEDNESDAY. “WIGG OUT”: OLIVER SUDDEN’S BIRTHDAY featuring live bands, top DJs, guest musicians and more. Cheap Sheep drinks deals till 9pm, plus £1 Tequila shots & £1 bottle of beer. Doors 7pm, £3 entry. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar

Thu 16 • Music: Sonny Black Blues in Britain’s Guitarist of the Year Black takes the blues from the Delta to the borders of Jazz and back again. Bands start 8pm Thursdays, 5.30pm Sundays. FREE entry! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, Croydon, CR0 6BR 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Club: Alt X South London's biggest rock and metal night with DJs Tony X and Hazekeal Rage. Cheap drinks till 11pm. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: The New Delta Big Band From Ellington to Herman, big band jazz at its best! 8.15pm to 11pm. FREE! Every 1st and 3rd Thursday of the month. The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, 36

Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Quiz: JF Big Quiz From 8pm. The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Rd, Purley Surrey CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Quiz: Crown and Sceptre Fun general knowledge quiz. Every Thursday from 9pm. Crown and Sceptre, 32 Junction Road, South Croydon, 020 8688 8037

Fri 17 • Music: DJ BennyManyHats Playing indie, classics, ska The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Club: WTF? Four decades of Indie, Alternative, Electro and Punk hits with DJ Zoe Urchin. Cheap Sheep drinks deals till 9pm. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm.. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: F**k It, It’s Friday Audiopollen at Loop every Friday Loop’s punch the crunch is Croydon’s afterwork party venue. Half price on all drinks from 5pm until 9pm each and every Friday. Expect a beautiful night with beautiful people. 8pm until 3am £5 advance tickets More information and guest list call 07793 290638 Dress: No caps, sportswear, or hooded tops. Jeans and trainers are permitted. Over 18s only - ID required. Loop Lounge, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ. 020 8760 7000 www.looplounge.co.uk • Music: Oval DJs The regular Oval faves, plus guests, keeping Fridays funky. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, Croydon, CR0 6BR 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Comedy: Croydon Comedy Club Live stand-up at the Fairfield, every fortnight. 8.30pm - £9. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... www.fairfield.co.uk • Karaoke: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8.30pm every Friday night. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF

Sat 18 • Music: DJ Rob Delta ith a cornucopia of psychadelia, soul and obscure aural delights. The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Boy Will Drown, Fleshrot, Surrounded By Disgust A night of metal mayhem and madness Admission £4 (or 3 with flyer from www.myspace.com/franticpromotions) The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/the_brief • Club: Linton Dance Bombs. Funk Rockets. BeatSeeking Missiles. Never Outgunned. Cheap Sheep drinks deals till 9pm. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday The Gun Tavern, Crown Hill, Croydon • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday Portmanor, Portland Road, South Norwood, SE25 4UF

Sun 19 • Music: The CHESS PLAYERS 5 piece With special guests Art Themen & Dick Pearce. tribute to Art Blakey, Wayne Shorter ..... Jazz in the afternoon from 1-3pm. FREE! www.jazznet.co.uk The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Sam Hare & Soul Junction Hammond-drenched soul and blues from Hucklebuck Hare and his baaad soul company! Bands start 8pm Thursdays, 5.30pm Sundays. FREE entry! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, Croydon, CR0 6BR 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk

• Club: Bangers LIVE HIPHOP South London’s most magnavolt live and open mic hiphop session, hosted by Oliver Sudden. Featuring DJs Blue Movies and Al Mighty on the decks. £2 all night, doors 7pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar

Mon 20 • Club: Word To Your Mother Music from the 90’s – grunge, Britpop, dodgy pop and vanilla ice Half price drinks until 12am Doors 7pm, free before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: The Big Beer Band Live big-band music. Every Monday from 9ish. FREE! The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/the_brief www.bigbeerband.org • Club: Blue Monday Buy one hour of Pool and receive one hour free of charge. Don’t worry if you are on a one-hour lunch break - we will give you a voucher to use another day. If you are not a member you can join at reception free of charge if you bring some ID along. Half price on all drinks: Monday to Thursday 5pm to 7pm, Fridays 5pm to 9pm Open Midday until 11pm. FREE entry. Dress: No caps, sportswear, or hooded tops. Jeans and trainers are permitted. Over 18s only - ID required. Loop Lounge, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ. 020 8760 7000 www.looplounge.co.uk • Gay: The Big Fun Gay Quiz Night fun and general knowledge quiz. Questions from all categories, games that everyone can enjoy. Start the week off with a bang! Starts 8pm The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net

Tue 21 • Event: Anna’s Cocktail Night 1st and 3rd Tuesdays of the month. The Oval does kitsch! Great house cocktail menu, complete with Twiglets on the bar. Watch out for DJs and guest live music slots. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, Croydon, CR0 6BR 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Pool: Pool Competition downstairs. 8pm start The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Freedom Of Expression Stuart O’Connor, Michael Berk + open mic. The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Club: Common People Indie & Beyond. Great songs you know – great songs you don’t. With DJs Colt Zero and Arry Gateau and student friendly Cheap Sheep drinks deals till 11pm. Doors 7pm, £1 before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: King Of Clubs Loop Lounge Poker Night: It's the standard Texas Hold’em format that we all know and love. This night is open to all Loop Lounge members. To register an interest and book a place at our tables please visit our website. Midday until midnight Half price on all drinks: Monday to Thursday 5pm to 7pm, Fridays 5pm to 9pm Open Midday until 11pm. FREE entry. Dress: No caps, sportswear, or hooded tops. Jeans and trainers are permitted. Over 18s only - ID required. Loop Lounge, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ. 020 8760 7000 www.looplounge.co.uk

Wed 22 • Music: Andy Glancy + support. The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Club: Discord NEW MUSIC EVERY WEDNESDAY

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... PRESENTS: IN YOUR FACE: Fashion & Music 'London has never looked so good. With a mix of punk style, indie, emo, nu rave and prep kicking the streets, we are the hottest fashion capital in the world! Come and discover a new generation of hip designers that will blow your mind and invade your wardrobe...' + hair do's and dont's from Toni & Guy. Goodie bags and music till late. MUSIC FROM OLIVER SUDDEN + LIVE MC’S Doors 7pm - free entry plus Cheap Sheep drinks deals till 9pm.. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Pool: The Oval Pool Competition Every Wednesday from 19.30 hrs. Balls and banter - a textbook night in the pub. £2 to enter, with cash prizes. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, Croydon, CR0 6BR 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Quiz: Mike C’s General Knowledge Quiz From 9.00pm Mike K’s general knowledge quiz, non-members welcome! Every Wednesday Caterham Club, 10A, Croydon Road, Caterham CR36QB • Dance: Dancercise Keep fit and meet new people at this fun and friendly beginners dance class. Come and join the fun every Wednesday. 7.30pm. £3.50. Central Court, Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Quiz: The Edge Weekly quiz: gen knowledge / music / sport / missing link / mystery year. £50 bar tab to the winner. 8pm. £1 per person entry The Edge, 1 South End, Croydon • Gay: Camp Bingo hosted by Miss Isla Blige – drinks at Happy Hour Prices from when you buy your books until the first number is called. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net

Thu 23 • Event: St George’s Day Loads of stuff going on - check the adverts throughout this issue. • Event: Shakespeare’s Birthday “He was a man, take him for all in all, I shall not look upon his like again.” • Theatre: The Globe Season The 2009 season opens on 23 April with Shakespeare's passionate and lyrical Romeo & Juliet directed by Globe Artistic Director Dominic Dromgoole, and is followed by the enchanting As You Like It, the striking Troilus & Cressida, and the return of Dominic Dromgoole's feisty 2007 production of Love's Labour's Lost. More info and to book tickets visit: www.shakespeares-globe.org • Music: King Size Slim First Oval outing for this one man blues, funk and soul explosion….and the guv’nor is excited! Bands start 8pm Thursdays, 5.30pm Sundays. FREE entry! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, Croydon, CR0 6BR 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Event: Dragon’s Day! (oh yeah, and that pesky knight....) Plenty plenty English food, English Ale, English eccentricity all day... PLUS 'Pin the tail on the Dragon' for prizes! There may also be some knights in shining armour wanting to rescue damsels, but knowing this place there'll always be a twist in the 'tail'..... The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Event: St George’s Party Bombadier £1.50 a pint at selected times. Live music (artist TBC) in the evening The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Club: Alt X South London's biggest rock and metal night with DJs Tony X and Hazekeal Rage. Cheap drinks till 11pm. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 38

• Quiz: JF Big Quiz From 8pm. The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Rd, Purley Surrey CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076. www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Quiz: Crown and Sceptre Fun general knowledge quiz. Every Thursday from 9pm. Crown and Sceptre, 32 Junction Road, South Croydon, 020 8688 8037 • Music: The Brian Hetherington Jazz Band Listen or jive to the authentic rythyms of New Orleans. 8.30pm-11pm. FREE! Every 2nd and 4th Thursday of the month. The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286

Fri 24 • Music: DJ BennyManyHats indie, classics, ska The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Club: WTF? Four decades of Indie, Alternative, Electro and Punk hits with DJ Zoe Urchin. Cheap Sheep drinks deals till 9pm. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm.. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: Oval DJs The regular Oval faves, plus guests, keeping Fridays funky. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, Croydon, CR0 6BR 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Karaoke: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8.30pm every Friday night. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Club: F**k It, It’s Friday Audiopollen at Loop every Friday Loop’s punch the crunch is Croydon’s afterwork party venue. Half price on all drinks from 5pm until 9pm each and every Friday. Expect a beautiful night with beautiful people. 8pm until 3am £5 advance tickets More information and guest list call 07793 290638 Dress: No caps, sportswear, or hooded tops. Jeans and trainers are permitted. Over 18s only - ID required. Loop Lounge, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon,

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... CR0 1RZ. 020 8760 7000 www.looplounge.co.uk

Sat 25 • Event: C B Fry’s Birthday See article, this issue. • Event: ANZAC Day For details about ANZAC Day events in London, see: www.australia.org.uk/lhlh/EventsAnzacD • Music: DJ Steve Ears and Cherrybomb playing ...well, who knows??! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Club: Linton Dance Bombs. Funk Rockets. BeatSeeking Missiles. Never Outgunned. Cheap Sheep drinks deals till 9pm. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday The Gun Tavern, Crown Hill, Croydon • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday Portmanor, Portland Road, South Norwood, SE25 4UF

Sun 26 • Event: London Marathon Lots of running about. For further details about the race, see: www.london-marathon.co.uk or www.bbc.co.uk/london/sport/marathon • Music: Live New Orleans Jazz Every Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at The Lord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dance floor, raffle, great atmosphere at one of the longest running Jazz Pubs in Great Britain The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath. 020 8653 2286 • Music: Daniel Smith Blues Band Watch piano maestro Daniel boogie, swing and slam out slow with his tight jump-blues combo. Bands start 8pm Thursdays, 5.30pm Sundays. FREE entry! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, Croydon, CR0 6BR 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Quiz: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8pm. Wheelwright’s Arms,

126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Music: Open Mic Sundays Live music every Sunday The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Open Mic The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Music: Open Mic Jam evening, acoustic open mic. All welcome.. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Music: Croydon Folk and Blues Club Ruskin House, 23 Coombe Road, Croydon, Surrey, http://folkandblues.org • Music: DAVE O'HIGGINS QUARTET Award winning Tenor Sax player Jazz in the afternoon from 1-3pm. FREE! www.jazznet.co.uk The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub

Mon 27 • Music: The Big Beer Band Live big-band music. Every Monday from 9ish. FREE! The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/the_brief www.bigbeerband.org • Club: Word To Your Mother Music from the 90’s – grunge, Britpop, dodgy pop and vanilla ice Half price drinks until 12am Doors 7pm, free before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Blue Monday Buy one hour of Pool and receive one hour free of charge. Don’t worry if you are on a one-hour lunch break - we will give you a voucher to use another day. If you are not a member you can join at reception free of charge if you bring some ID along. Half price on all drinks: Monday to Thursday 5pm to 7pm, Fridays 5pm to 9pm 39

Open Midday until 11pm. FREE entry. Dress: No caps, sportswear, or hooded tops. Jeans and trainers are permitted. Over 18s only - ID required. Loop Lounge, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ. 020 8760 7000 www.looplounge.co.uk • Gay: The Big Fun Gay Quiz Night fun and general knowledge quiz. Questions from all categories, games that everyone can enjoy. Start the week off with a bang! Starts 8pm The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net

Tue 28 • Music: Freedom Of Expression Chris Parr + Adrian Taylor. The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Blues Open Mic 2nd and 4th Tuesdays of the month. Simon's blues and acoustic open Open Mike nights. We let you entertain us! From 20.30 hrs.. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, Croydon, CR0 6BR 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Pool: Pool Competition downstairs. 8pm start The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Club: Common People Indie & Beyond. Great songs you know – great songs you don’t. With DJs Colt Zero and Arry Gateau and student friendly Cheap Sheep drinks deals till 11pm. Doors 7pm, £1 before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: King Of Clubs Loop Lounge Poker Night: It's the standard Texas Hold’em format that we all know and love. This night is open to all Loop Lounge members. To register an interest and book a place at our tables please visit our website. Midday until midnight Half price on all drinks: Monday to Thursday 5pm to 7pm, Fridays 5pm to 9pm Open Midday until 11pm. FREE entry.

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... Dress: No caps, sportswear, or hooded tops. Jeans and trainers are permitted. Over 18s only - ID required. Loop Lounge, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ. 020 8760 7000 www.looplounge.co.uk

Wed 29 • Pool: The Oval Pool Competition Every Wednesday from 19.30 hrs. Balls and banter - a textbook night in the pub. £2 to enter, with cash prizes. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, Croydon, CR0 6BR 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Quiz: Mike C’s General Knowledge Quiz From 9.00pm Mike K’s general knowledge quiz, non-members welcome! Every Wednesday Caterham Club, 10A, Croydon Road, Caterham CR36QB • Dance: Dancercise Keep fit and meet new people at this fun and friendly beginners dance class. Come and join the fun every Wednesday. 7.30pm. £3.50. Central Court, Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Quiz: The Edge Weekly quiz: gen knowledge / music / sport / missing link / mystery year. £50 bar tab to the winner. 8pm. £1 per person entry The Edge, 1 South End, Croydon • Gay: Camp Bingo hosted by Miss Isla Blige – drinks at Happy Hour Prices from when you buy your books until the first number is called. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Club: Discord NEW MUSIC EVERY WEDNESDAY presents OPEN YOUR SKULL III: Noise Night. Ear-smashing live acts and DJs, £2 entry, Cheap Sheep drinks deals 7pm-9pm plus £1 Tequila shots and £1 bottled beer. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar

Thu 30 • Event: Croydon Communicators meet upstairs, 6pm. Learn to speak confidently in public! visit www.croydoncommunicators.org The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Muddy Waters Remembered! Generally considered ‘the Father of Chicago blues’ and one of the greatest bluesmen of all time; McKinley Morganfield (April 4, 1913 – April 30, 1983) was a huge inspiration for the British beat explosion of the 1960s and generations of blues aficionados thereafter. In this annual celebration, hosted by John O’Leary; the house band for the night consists of Alan Glen (gtr/harp), Alan Vincent (gtr), Jamie Rowan (piano), Glynn Evans (bass) and Sam Kelly (drums). Guests to be announced – but last year’s included: Giles Hedley, Shakey Vick, Laurie Garman, Otis Grand, Dave Dix and Dave Raphael. Bands start 8pm Thursdays, 5.30pm Sundays. FREE entry! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, Croydon, CR0 6BR 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Club: Alt X South London's biggest rock and metal night with DJs Tony X and Hazekeal Rage. Cheap drinks till 11pm. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: Size Nine plus Something Simple, with DJ Blue Movies and Louis Krystal. Live music comes to Loop every month brought to you by Size Nine and this month featuring the funk-meisters themselves. See article. This issue. Loop Lounge, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ. 020 8760 7000 www.looplounge.co.uk • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Quiz: JF Big Quiz From 8pm. The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Rd, Purley Surrey CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076. www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk 40

• Quiz: Crown and Sceptre Fun general knowledge quiz. Every Thursday from 9pm. Crown and Sceptre, 32 Junction Road, South Croydon, 020 8688 8037

Friday 01 May • Club: WTF? Four decades of Indie, Alternative, Electro and Punk hits with DJ Zoe Urchin. Cheap Sheep drinks deals till 9pm. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm.. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: F**k It, It’s Friday Audiopollen at Loop every Friday Loop’s punch the crunch is Croydon’s afterwork party venue. Half price on all drinks from 5pm until 9pm each and every Friday. Expect a beautiful night with beautiful people. 8pm until 3am £5 advance tickets More information and guest list call 07793 290638 Dress: No caps, sportswear, or hooded tops. Jeans and trainers are permitted. Over 18s only - ID required. Loop Lounge, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ. 020 8760 7000 www.looplounge.co.uk • Music: Oval DJs The regular Oval faves, plus guests, keeping Fridays funky. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, Croydon, CR0 6BR 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Comedy: Croydon Comedy Club Live stand-up at the Fairfield, every fortnight. 8.30pm - £9. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Karaoke: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8.30pm every Friday night. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF

Sat 02 • Club: Linton Dance Bombs. Funk Rockets. BeatSeeking Missiles. Never Outgunned. Cheap Sheep drinks deals till 9pm. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0.

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar

Sun 03 • Music: Live Jazz New band month starts with Mike Hobart's Urban Jazz Quartet Blue Note jazz for the new millennium Jazz in the afternoon from 1-3pm. FREE! www.jazznet.co.uk The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Live Blues Act tbc. Bands start 8pm Thursdays, 5.30pm Sundays. FREE entry! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, Croydon, CR0 6BR 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Club: Havoc hard dance all night £4 entry Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: Live New Orleans Jazz Every Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at The Lord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dance floor, raffle, great atmosphere at one of the longest running Jazz Pubs in Great Britain The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath. 020 8653 2286 • Quiz: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8pm. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Music: Open Mic Sundays Live music every Sunday The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Open Mic The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Music: Open Mic Jam evening, acoustic open mic. All welcome.. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Music: Croydon Folk and Blues Club Ruskin House, 23 Coombe Road, Croydon, Surrey, http://folkandblues.org

Mon 04

Wed 06

• Music: The Big Beer Band Live big-band music. Every Monday from 9ish. FREE! The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/the_brief www.bigbeerband.org • Club: Word To Your Mother Music from the 90’s – grunge, Britpop, dodgy pop and vanilla ice Half price drinks until 12am Doors 7pm, free before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Gay: The Big Fun Gay Quiz Night fun and general knowledge quiz. Questions from all categories, games that everyone can enjoy. Start the week off with a bang! Starts 8pm The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net

• Music: Dragon’s Ball K*nt & The Gang, David Goo. The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Club: Discord NEW MUSIC EVERY WEDNESDAY presents BANGERS: LIVE HIPHOP South London’s most magnavolt live and open mic hiphop session, hosted by Oliver Sudden. Featuring DJs Blue Movies and Al Mighty on the decks. Cheap Sheep drinks deals till 9pm plus £1 Tequila shots and £1 bottle of beer. £2 entry all night, doors 7pm.. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Pool: The Oval Pool Competition Every Wednesday from 19.30 hrs. Balls and banter - a textbook night in the pub. £2 to enter, with cash prizes. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, Croydon, CR0 6BR 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Quiz: Mike C’s General Knowledge Quiz From 9.00pm Mike K’s general knowledge quiz, non-members welcome! Every Wednesday Caterham Club, 10A, Croydon Road, Caterham CR36QB • Dance: Dancercise Keep fit and meet new people at this fun and friendly beginners dance class. Come and join the fun every Wednesday. 7.30pm. £3.50. Central Court, Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Quiz: The Edge Weekly quiz: gen knowledge / music / sport / missing link / mystery year. £50 bar tab to the winner. 8pm. £1 per person entry The Edge, 1 South End, Croydon • Gay: Camp Bingo hosted by Miss Isla Blige – drinks at Happy Hour Prices from when you buy your books until the first number is called. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net

Tue 05 • Club: Common People Indie & Beyond. Great songs you know – great songs you don’t. With DJs Colt Zero and Arry Gateau and student friendly Cheap Sheep drinks deals till 11pm. Doors 7pm, £1 before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: King Of Clubs Loop Lounge Poker Night: It's the standard Texas Hold’em format that we all know and love. This night is open to all Loop Lounge members. To register an interest and book a place at our tables please visit our website. Midday until midnight Half price on all drinks: Monday to Thursday 5pm to 7pm, Fridays 5pm to 9pm Open Midday until 11pm. FREE entry. Dress: No caps, sportswear, or hooded tops. Jeans and trainers are permitted. Over 18s only - ID required. Loop Lounge, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ. 020 8760 7000 www.looplounge.co.uk

pubs, clubs & bars • Addington Village Inn Beer garden, parking, big screen, food: 12-8pm. 36 Addington Village Rd, Addington, CR0 01689 842057 • All Bar One 2 floors. Decent food all day. Fiendish German beers. Dress code Fri/Sat: smart casual. 10 Park Lane, CR0. 020 8686 1033 • Alma Tavern - DS Beer garden at rear, patio out front, parking, 4 tvs & big screen, kids welcome til 8pm, live music at weekends - see ‘what’s on’, pool table (FREE pool on Mondays), darts and a cashpoint. Food: 12-3pm MonFri. 129 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0, 020 8654 5842. • Arkwrights Wheel - DS Decent sized boozer, pool table, screen for sports, food 12-8pm. Karaoke every Thursday. 151 North End, CR0 020 8649 8638 • Bar Red Square - DS Stylish, light & friendly bar with outside seating. Happy hour 3pm-12am Monday-Saturday: Buy One Get One Free on Smirnoff, Kronenbourg and Wine. DJs at weekends. Dress code: Smart casual - smart trainers ok. 63-65 High St, CR0 020 8688 1020 • Bedford Tavern - DS Large patio garden out front, pool table, bar billiards, tv inside, regular bbqs on the patio. 16 Sydenham Rd, CR0 2EF. 020 8688 2584 • Beehive - DS Large boozer with massive beer garden, right on the green. 47 Woodside Green, South Norwood, SE25 5HQ. 020 8662 1941 • Bird in Hand - DS Croydon’s longest serving Gay bar with pool table, FREE Air Hockey, FREE Giant Jenga, FREE Giant Connect 4, Big Screen TV, Beer Garden, covered and heated smoking area. Back Bar Available for private hire and functions. 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, London CR0 2EL Tel: 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net We are also on Facebook!

• Bishops Wine Bar Only sell wine. Homemade food served between 12pm and 2.30pm. Opening times subject to change. 1129 Whitgift Centre, CR0. 020 8681 7340 Mon-Sat: 11.30am-4.45pm Closed Sunday. • Black Sheep Bar - DS Possibly Croydon’s most progressive venue. See what’s on for night details. 68 High St, CR0 1NA. 020 8680 2233 www.blacksheepbar.com • Bricklayers Arms - DS 237 High Street Beckenham • Bodega - DS New tapas restaurant / bar. Civilised atmosphere. Wide selection of meat, seafood and veggie tapas. Spanish beers, exclusive Spanish wines. Buy a bottle of our exclusive selected spirits (complimentary mixers) and gain access to our intimate VIP area. Disabled access. Covered heated smoking area. Sky and Setanta sports. Private parties and corporate meeting catered for. Over 21s only. Dress code: No hoodies, tracksuits, caps or football shirts. Open 12-11 Sun-Thu 12-12 Friday-Saturday Food served 12-3 and 5-10pm every day. 14 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DL, 020 8680 9728 • Brief - DS Decent boozer with screens showing music videos/freeview, Dress code at weekends smart casual, no headwear. Door charge at weekends. 48 George St, CR0. 020 8686 6878 • Builders Arms - DS Friendly Fullers pub with conservatory restaurant area, 2 bars, one with 2 tvs. Board games available. General knowledge quiz night every Tuesday from 9pm. Live music last Friday of every month. Large, grassy, pleasant beer garden out back with nice seating, giant Connect 4, giant Jenga and giant skittles, Over 18s only. 65 Leslie Park Rd, CR0 6TP. 020 8654 1803

DS indicates DEEP Stockist!

• Bulls Head - DS Small friendly local. Recently refurbed and under new management. All sports & Setanta sports shown. Real ales Bar food mon-fri: 12-4pm. 39 Laud St, CR0 020 8760 0150 • Claret Free House - DS Intimate real ale pub. 5a Bingham Corner, Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0 7AA 020 8656 7452 • Coombe Lodge Large pub/restaurant with enormous beer garden, conservatory and outdoor dining as well as posh dining room. Food served all day. Also a Travel Inn with rooms around £60. 104 Coombe Rd, CR0 020 8686 2030 • Crescent Arms 323 Whitehorse Road, CR0. 020 8684 2310 • Cricketers - DS Good food, screens for sports, huge garden, pool table. 47 Shirley Rd, CR0 7ER 020 8655 3507 • Cricketers Pub grub served weekdays 123.30 and Sunday Roast served Sundays 12 ‘til they run out! 107 Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8662 1921 • Croham Arms - DS Croham Rd, CR2 020 8688 7356. • Crown Inn - DS Massive pub with beer garden, parking etc. Good food and weekly quiz nights. 28 Wickham Rd, Shirley, CR0 020 8654 8235 • Crown and Anchor - DS 19 Park Road, Bromley • Crown & Pepper - DS Friendly staff and punters, large pub, nice beer garden / patio at the back heated and lit smoking area, conservatory dining area, car park, sofas, wide range of bottled beers, shots and good food. Dinner table reservations available. 242 High St, CR0 1NF. 020 8688 7507 • Crown and Sceptre - DS Small friendly local with outside seating, parking, screen for sports and top food served Mon-Thu 12-9pm, 42

Fri-Sun + bank Hols: 12-6pm 32 Junction Road, CR2. 020 8688 8037 • Davy’s Wine Vaults - DS Intimate underground wine bar, tucked away in North End. Big screen, comfy sofas and booths. Excellent selection of wines. Quiz night first Weds of every month at 7.30pm, Salsa classes and intermediate every Sat. Quality food served everyday 11am-10pm. 122 North End, CR0, 020 8680 2419 • Dog and Bull - DS The Dog comes into its own as the sun arrives - the best beer garden in Croydon, with alfresco bar and bbq. Brilliant. 24 Surrey St, CR0. 020 8688 3664 • Drum and Monkey 7 Gloucester Rd, CR0 • Duke of Cambridge Small pub, popular with footie fans on matchdays. 7 Holmesdale Rd, CR0 2LR 020 8665 6440 • Duke of Gloucester 258 Sydenham Rd, CR0 2EB. 020 8684 3971 • Eagle - DS Under new management. 52 Tamworth Road (Reeves Corner), 020 8686 7474 • Earl of Eldon - DS All sports shown, big screen, beer garden, occasional live music. Food served every day. 63 Brighton Rd, CR2. 020 8688 1473 • Edge - DS Beer garden, Wednesday quiz night. Weekday food 12-3pm. Live music from rock riot promotions www.myspace.com/ rockriotpromo 1 South End, CR0. 020 8774 9933 • Elliott’s - DS Food served Mon-Fri 122.30pm. Function room, 42” plasma screen for sports. Occasional Karaoke. Weds: Fun Blackjack (£1 entry) and Salsa classes from 8pm. 5 High Street, Purley, CR8 2AF. 020 8668 3361 • Fairfield Tavern - DS Only open to theatre-goers. Fairfield Halls, CR0

pubs, clubs & bars • First Base City Limits, The Colonnades, Purley Way • Fishermans Arms 78 Windmill Rd, CR0 2XP 020 8689 7887 • Folly - DS Large and airy split level pub with pool table, outside patio, big screen, comfy seats. Food served 12-6pm every day. Happy hour 4-8pm every day. DJs from 8pm every Sunday. 13-15 Selsdon Rd, CR2. 020 8688 3920 • Forestdale Arms New food menu, massive smoking tent, karaoke Fridays, quiz on Saturday lunch times. Cricket/ football net. Featherbed Lane, CR0 020 8651 1260 • Fountainhead Large pub with large grassy beer garden, kiddie’s slide and, as far as we’re aware, it still has a ‘swingball’ out there too. 114 Parchmore Rd, Thornton Heath. 020 8653 4025 • Fox Pub and restaurant with enormous beer garden set pretty much in the countryside. Nice food last time we visited. Coulsdon Common, Coulsdon, CR3 01883 330401 • Foxley Hatch 8-9 Russell Hill Rd, Purley, CR8. 020 8763 9307 • Freelands Tavern - DS 31 Freelands Road, Bromley • George - DS Wetherspoons pub with cheap beer offers running constantly, large restaurant at rear with no smoking area and disabled access. 17-21 George St, CR0 020 8649 2944 • George Outside courtyard, inside screens for sport, live music, quizzes and karaoke occasionally. Bar food available all day. 132 Canterbury Rd, CR0 020 8689 7911 • Gipsy Moth - DS Massive boozer - kiddies play area, car park, screens etc. Unit 7, The Colonnades, 619 Purley Way, CR0 4RJ 020 8686 8923 • Glamorgan - DS Top quality food in friendly gastro-pub surroundings. beer garden, pool table, big screens

for sport (not football). South African ‘Bunny Chow’ a speciality. 81 Cherry Orchard Rd, CR0 020 8688 6333 • Golden Lion 144 Stanley Rd, CR0 3QB 020 8684 1395 • Good Companion Family friendly pub on the southern edge of South Croydon, on the Limpsfield Road. Main Bar: large screen TV and additional screens showing all major sports, pool table/darts. Live music and DJ nights (Includes established ‘Open Mic’ night on Thursdays, but see the web site for details of all events). Non smoking Lounge Bar and large Restaurant. Home prepared foods inc. kids options available from 12 daily. Special menu on Sundays includes a choice of roasts and other meal options (booking is recommended on Sundays). Very large family gardens. Car Parking for 60 cars. Private weddings, functions and parties catered for. ( no room hire charges ). Open until 11.30p.m. weekdays and Midnight on Fridays and Saturdays Limpsfield Road, South Croydon. Tel: 0208 657 6655. www.thegoodcompanions.com • Goose on the Market DS Huge boozer with an eclectic age range of punters and eyewateringly low prices. 1 Surrey St, CR0 1RG 020 8688 4798 • Granaries 6 Overtons Yard, 020 8667 1000 • Grange Beer garden, screens for sport, pool table. Bar food available every day, occasional live music, quiz, karaoke. 21 Norbury Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8653 3783 • Green Dragon - DS 2 pool tables, sports screens, hire-able upstairs bar. Live music Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Sundays; Djs at the weekend. Quality Ales and Proper Food (big Sunday Roast and lots for veggies); table service. Thursday Quiz, Sunday Pub Games night, a

DS indicates DEEP Stockist!

BookSwap scheme and local artist's work for sale. Food served 12-9 daily. Mon-Thurs 12-12 Fri -Sat 12-1 Sun -12-10.30 58-60 High St, CR0 1NA 020 8667 0684 Mon-Thu: 12pm-12 midnight Fri/Sat: 12pm-1am Sun: 12pm-10.30pm • Gun Tavern - DS Live music venue as well as a friendly boozer. Pool tables, Sky on big screen TV. Church St, CR0 1RN. 020 8667 1472 • Gypsy Tavern Wine bar. 12 Station Rd, CR0 020 8688 6750 • Half and Half The perfect place to chill- out, with cosy sofas, eclectic tunes, basement area for business meetings, private parties, meet up with work colleagues or friends very friendly and relaxed. Visit www.halfandhalf.uk.com for more info and discounts! 282 High St, CR0 1NG 020 8726 0080 www.halfandhalf.uk.com • Hare and Hounds 325 Purley Way, CR0 020 8688 0420 • Harvest Home 27 Beddington Lane, CR0 020 8688 0813 • Horseshoe Beer garden, pool table and screens for sport. Live music/quiz/karaoke occasionally on Fri-Sun. Kids welcome until 6pm. Food derved 12-2pm and 5-8pm. 745 London Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7, 020 8665 6305 • Hub New club 80-88 High St, CR0 020 8680 5500 • Hustler Club Croydon’s newest (and only) table dancing club. 8pm-3am 12-20 Crown Hill, Croydon, 020 8633 1621 www.hustlerclubuk.com • Jack and Jill Longlands Ave, Coulsdon, CR5 • Jolly Farmers - DS Good beers and ales, and coffees, with home cooked foods served at lunchtimes. (No TV screens inside) Seating areas 43

to the front and side, with car parking to the rear. Live music on Fridays (rock/blues band night), Saturdays (mixed bands and singers) and Sundays (great ‘open Mic’ nights with different hosts every week) See the Web site for details www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk 7 High Street Purley, Tel 0208 660 2076 • Lion Inn Smoking patio, pool table, darts, screens for sport. Occasional live music and DJs. Main and evening menu, bar snacks all day. 182 Padsons Rd, CR0 020 8684 2978 • Lord Napier Renowned Thornton Heath boozer noted for its quality live jazz music. 111 Beulah Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Loop - DS “Loop is a members-only, award winning (Best New Late Night Venue - Theme), stylishly designed club with, impressive cocktail bar, american pool tables and some of Londons top DJs.” Dress Code varies, check each listing in what’s on. DJs from 9pm. General Enquiries: 020 8760 7000 www.looppoolbar.com 12 Crown Hill, CR0 • Man on the Moon 112 Headley Drive, New Addington, CR0 0QF 01689 847550 • Milan Bar / Lloyds - DS Hugely popular bar over two floors. Relatively cheap booze. Food served throughout the day until 30mins before closing. Screens showing music videos, 70’s 80’s 90’s night every Thursday from 8pm. DJ’s at weekends Dress code: Smart casual - no hats or trainers. 14-32 High St, CR0, 020 8603 0870 • New Inn 148 Mitcham Rd, CR0 020 8665 1440 • Newton Arms 175 Queens Rd, CR0 020 8684 1654 • Norbury - DS Incorporating The Edge

pubs, clubs and bars nightclub. Sports bar with 3 big screens and pool tables. Outside seating area. 1300 London Road, Norbury. SW16 4DG. 020 8679 0632 • Old Derby - DS Screens for sport, pool table, darts, benches outside at front. Quiz every 3/4 weeks, live bands and karaoke every two weeks. DJ Twinkletoes every Frdiay and Sunday. Lunch menu served 11am-2.30pm and a diferent meal every night for £1.50. 44 Pitlake, CR0 020 8688 5674 • Old Fox and Hounds Thai food served Mon-Sat: 123pm. Beer garden, pool table, big screen sport, house doubles at £2, function room available. 1 London Rd, CR0 • Orchard - DS Large pub with pool table, darts, big screen, beer garden with kids play-area. 112 Cherry Orchard Rd, CR0 020 8688 3682 • Oval - DS One of our favourite pubs. Brilliantly friendly. Pool table, great beer garden. Real Ales. Food served between 12-3pm every day and 6-9pm Fridays new menu and bar menu (nachos, calamari, potato skins etc). Sunday Roast (2 choices + vege) 12.30-3.30pm. BBQs in summer (available to hire - call for details). Pool competition every Thurs, DJs Fri/Sat, monthly quiz night and live blues (see what’s on for details). 131 Oval Rd, CR0 020 8686 6023 • Parchmore Tavern 82 Parchmore Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8771 3816 • Padson’s Arms Beer garden, screens for sport and kids welcome until 7pm. 69 Padsons Rd, CR0 2QA 020 8684 2378 • Pitlake Arms 73a Waddon New Rd, CR0 1XD 020 8688 0428 • Pistols - DS 208-210 Brighton Road, Coulsdon, CR5 2NF • Plough and Harrow 774 London Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8665 7151 • Plough Inn

Croydon Rd, The Broadway, CR0 4QR. 020 8647 1122 • Porter and Sorter - DS The Editor’s local, friendly and lively. Table service, good food - new menu including sarnies and wraps as well as main meals. Dining area at rear, 7 different real ales, drinks offers, no smoking area, outside seating, 3 screens. A top boozer! 1 Billinton Hill (formerly Station Rd), CR0, 020 8688 4296 • Portmanor Live bands every Saturday, DJ on Fridays - new rock venue in South London Portland Road, South Norwood SE25 4UF • Prince George 2 High St, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8239 0029 • Purley Arms - DS Outside patio, big screen, cashpoint inside. Food served Mon-Fri: 12pm-7pm Saturday: 12-5pm Sunday: 1pm-5pm. 345 Brighton Rd, CR2 020 8686 3792 Mon-Wed: 12pm-11pm Thu-Sat: 12pm-12am Sun: 12pm-10.30pm • Railview - DS Under New Management. Beer Garden, Darts, Sky Sports, Parking. Sunday Lunch 1-5pm. 11am-11pm Sun-Thu, 11am-12am Sat/Sun 188 Selsdon Rd, CR2 020 8688 2315 • Railway Telegraph 19 Brigstock Rd, Thornton Heath • Randall Tavern Fieldway, New Addington, CR0 9DX, 01869 841476 • Rectory - DS Huge barracuda pub in Purley. Loads of seating, booths, wooden floors etc. Pay car park at rear. Food served 12-10pm. 908-912 Brighton Rd, Purley, CR8 2LN. 020 8660 6396 • Red Deer - DS Under New Management. Massive pub in South Croydon with 2 bars, pool table, 2 big screens + 6 smaller ones for sport. Car park. Large function room available for hire - call for details. Reasonably priced drinks. DJs every Friday and

DS indicates DEEP Stockist!

Saturday night from 8midnight playing dance / RnB / Garage etc. 279 Brighton Rd, CR2 020 8688 5599 Mon-Thu: 12-11pm Fri-Sat: 12pm-12am Sun: 12-10.30pm • Reform Tavern 69 Osbourne Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7 020 8653 9991 • Rileys Croydon Pool / Snooker club. 1st Floor, 63 Frith Road, Croydon, Surrey, CR0 1TB. Telephone: 020 86497788 • Rileys Purley Way Pool / Snooker club. 31 Imperial Way, Purley Way, CR0 4RR. Telephone 020 8688 3479. • Royal Standard - DS Small, friendly Fullers pub with beer garden over the road. Food served Mon-Fri: 122.30pm. Dart board. No music. Rugby pub! 1 Sheldon St, CR0 1SS 020 8688 9749 • Saints and Sinners Pleasant little pub with small beer patio. 482 London Rd, CR0. 020 8689 3713 • Sandrock Hotel - DS Restaurant/pub - patio out the back, parking, good quality market-fresh food served 12 noon to 10pm every day. Music/gen knowledge quiz, every Thursday from 9pm. Monthly live music (phone for date/details). 152 Upper Shirley Road Croydon, CR0 5HA 020 8654 3829 • Selhurst Arms Large Palace pub with 2 bars, big screen, pool table, beer garden /patio, car park. Selhurst Rd, SE25 • Ship - DS Institutional alternative pub. Food Mon-Sat: 12-7pm, Sun: 12.30-3pm. 47 High St, CR0. 020 8688 2810 www.theship.org • Ship of Fools Wetherspoons outfit. 9-11 London Rd, CR0 020 8681 2835 • Shirley Inn - DS Compact pub with beer 44

garden, parking, pool table, darts, 4 screens inc big one. Steak-out menu available MonSat 12-6.30pm and Sun 122.30pm. Karaoke on some Thursdays, and Entertainment on Saturdays (phone for dates and details). 158 Wickham Rd, CR0. 020 8654 1362 • Sir Julian Huxley 152-154 Addington Rd, Selsdon, CR2. 020 8657 9457 • Skylark Large pub spread over two floors. 34 South End, CR0 1DP. 020 8649 9909 • Smugglers Inn 320 Chipstead Valley Rd, Coulsdon. 020 8657 9457 • Spread Eagle - DS Extensive traditional pub menu served 12-9pm Mon-Sat and 12-5pm Sunday. Real Ales, Cask Conditioned ales. Outside seating. Sky big screen downstairs, plasma screen upstairs. Function room for hire with buffets available. 39 High St, CR0 1QD 020 8781 1134 • Stag 234-236 Addington Rd, Selsdon, 020 8657 6265 • Stag and Hounds - DS Local pub with beer garden. Friendly atmos. Home cooked food every Friday 11am-3pm. 26 Selsdon Rd, CR2 020 8688 1908 • Star 101 Southbridge Rd, CR0. 020 8688 2638 • Surprise Inn - DS Karaoke every Sunday evening from 5.30 until closing. 107 Upper Shirley Rd, CR0. 020 8656 6820 • Surrey Cricketers - DS Friendly, triangular shaped pub, seats outside, pool table, screens, darts. 23 West St, CR0 020 8288 1781 • Swan and Sugarloaf - DS Large pub with parking, screen for sports, pool table and darts. Function room for hire. B&B (room only £20pppn). 1 Brighton Rd, CR2. 020 8686 2562 020 8688 7888 • Thomas Farley 61 High St, Thornton Heath,

pubs, clubs & bars / restaurants CR7. 020 8665 7975 • Tiger Tiger - DS 6 bars, a restaurant: modern classic food and a club spread over 2 floors. Happy hour 57.30pm. Dress Code: Smart casual, collared shirts, no trainers. 16 Grant’s Building, High St, CR0. 020 8662 4949. www.tigertiger-croydon.co.uk • Tudor Rose Coulsdon Rd, Coulsdon, CR5 01737 553368 • Two Brewers - DS Pleasant little Shepherd Neame pub with tables outside front, beer garden out back. screens for sport, darts. Gets busy with footie fans as it’s on the way to Selhurst Park, but still manages to stay friendly and welcoming. 221 Gloucester Rd, CR0. 020 8684 3544 • Txt Bar - DS New upmarket bar. Cocktails a speciality. 73 South End, CR0 020 8667 1308 • Upstairs Gorgeous, grown-up, intimate club.Thursday - Simply Salsa. Friday & Saturday Club nights with DJ's including Louis from Choice FM. Guest list and venue hire available, please contact 020 8688 9837 for details. www.treehousepeople.com 78 South End, CR0. 020 8688 9837 • Victoria Cross 228 Bensham Lane, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8684 3022 • Vintage 34 Surrey Street, Croydon CR0 1RJ 020 8686 5600 www.vintage-bar.com • Walkabout - DS Large and lively Aussie boozer. Club attached, (open Fri/Sat). Live bands and DJs through the week. Large portions of food (inc. crocodile & kangaroo) served until 1 hour before closing. 2 big screens for sport, loads of seating and comfy sofas. Dress code: smart casual - no trainers. 12 Crown Hill, CR0 1RZ. 020 8680 5559 mail: croydon@walkabout.eu.com for birthdays special occasions

and guest list. • Welcome Inn 300 Parchmore Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7 • Wheatsheaf Large and allegedly haunted boozer on Thornton Heath Pond. 759 London Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8665 7161 • Wheelwrights Arms - DS Friendly community local with good food, karaoke every Friday night from 8.30pm, Quiz every Sunday from 8pm, occasional live music and charity nights. 126 Southbridge Rd, CR0. • Windmill - DS Friendly local with large grassy beer garden and big screen. Food served Mon-Sat 12pm2.30pm and Sunday 1pm-5pm. Quiz night at the end of every month - phone for details. 224 St James Rd, CR0 2BW. 020 8684 2272. Mon-Sat: 11am11pm. Sun: 12pm-10.30pm • Windsor Castle - DS (Toby Carvery and Innkeepers Lodge) Pub, restaurant, hotel. Car park. Garden & patio. Food served 12pm-9.30pm, set menu and carvery. 415 Brighton Rd, CR2. 020 8680 4559 • Woodman - DS Small and friendly pub with beer garden at back, outside seating at front and screen for sports. Unusual and interesting ceiling decor. 36 Upland Rd, CR2 020 8688 4725 • Yates’s Wine Lodge - DS New and vastly improved, friendly, relaxed and with pool hall upstairs. 3-11 High St, CR0 020 8681 8219 • Ye Olde Clock Tower 35 Whitehorse Road, CR0 020 8684 0288

restaurants AMERICAN • Frankie and Benny’s Pizza, pasta & burgers. Valley Leisure Park, Purley Way, CR0. 020 8760 5021 • T.G.I Fridays 702-704 Purley Way, CR0. 020 8681 1313

DS indicates DEEP Stockist!

ENGLISH • Cockney’s Pie and Mash Pies, mash, liquor, vinegar in huge bottles, 82 Church St, CR0 - 020 8680 4512 • Coombe Lodge 104 Coombe Rd, CR0 020 8686 2030 • Tree House - DS 78 South End, CR0 020 8688 9837 • Sandrock Hotel - DS Good quality market-fresh food served 12 noon to 10pm every day. 152 Upper Shirley Road Croydon, CR0 5HA 020 8654 3829 FISH • McDermott’s Fish Restaurant Quality Fish and Chips restaurant and takeaway. 5/7 Featherbed Lane, Addington 020 8651 1440 Tues-Sat 12-2pm & 5-9.30pm ((pm on Saturday) FRENCH • Auberge French cuisine. Unit 2153 (third floor) Whitgift Centre, CR0. 020 8680 8337 Sun-Wed: 10am-6pm Thu-Sat: 10am-10pm • Boulevard - DS Restaurant, bar, cafe. 7-8 Ruskin Parade, Selsdon Rd, South Croy. CR2. 020 8649 9990 • Chateau Napolean Upmarket French cuisine Coombe Wood Hs, Coombe Lane, 020 8686 1244, 020 8680 6027 • Little Bay French/Italian/English. Small intimate restaurant. 32 Selsdon Rd, CR2. 020 8649 9544 • Rayon D’Or French/Italian/English. Face painting for kids on Sunday, dinner and dancing on Saturday. Airport House, Purley Way, CR0. 020 8781 1933 • Savana 222 London Rd, CR0 020 8680 7452

GREEK • L’Unico Greek cuisine. 265 High St, CR0, 020 8688 7998 INDIAN • 1860 Indian / South African cuisine. 28 South End, CR0 020 8688 3839 • Anika’s Contemporary Indian & Bangladeshi cuisine. 4 Selsdon Parade, Addington Rd, Selsdon, CR2, 020 8651 6602 020 8651 6603 • Banana Leaf Award winning South Indian cuisine. 7 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8688 0297 020 8688 9922 • Bharat Bhavan 10 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0.020 8688 6239 020 8680 5553 • Bombay Blue - DS Fine Indian cuisine. 23 High Street, Purley, CR8 2AF. 020 8645 0022 • Catamaran South Indian Kerala cuisine. Veggie and non-veggie. Takeaways available. 62 South End, Croydon CR0 1DP, 020 8688 6996 020 8688 7002 www.mcdosa.com • Chat House 14 Brighton Rd, CR2 020 8688 6327 • Depa Indiana 5 Derby Rd, CR0 020 8688 9695 020 8686 4902 • Go East 212 London Rd, CR0 020 8667 1700 • India Palace 79 High St, CR0 020 8686 6730 • Kerala Bhavan South Indian. 16 London Rd, CR0. 020 8688 6216 • Mensab 39 Stafford Rd, CR0 020 8667 9090 • Mohini Balti 202 Croydon Rd, Beddington, CR0. 020 8686 8700 020 8688 5265 • Panahar

restaurants 316 Limpsfield Rd, CR2 020 8651 9662 • Rose Indian/Chinese/Sri Lankan 305 London Rd, CR0 020 8684 1198 020 8684 1536 • Royal Asia Tandoori 91 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8656 7818 • Sanderstead Tandoori 5 Station Parade, Sanderstead Rd, CR2. 020 8651 6489 • Sangri New indian - fantastic food! 265 High Street, Croydon CR0 1QH • Taste Of Bengal 1 Station Parade, Sanderstead Rd, CR2. 020 8651 5445 • Tikka Masala 227-229 High St, CR0 020 8686 8800 • Zafran 349 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8655 0055 • Zara’s Kitchen Quality Indian, bring your own alcohol. 60 South End, CR0 020 8688 4277 020 8688 0782 ITALIAN • Bagatti’s 56-58 South End, CR0 020 8680 1336 • Bella Italia Live Opera as you eat. 18 George St, CR0, 020 8688 5787 • Ciao Bella 38a South End, CR0, 020 8688 8524 • Dario 248 Brighton Rd, CR2 020 8686 2680 • Elio 17 Limpsfield Rd, CR2 020 8657 2953 • Il Cavallino 89 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8656 9679 • Il Ponte Great food, but a bit crowded. 91-101 High St, CR0 020 8686 1112 • Il Teatro Wood oven baked pizza 64-66 London Rd, CR0 020 8667 1788 • La Pergola Streatham Italian with institutionally hilarious Elvis show. 66 Streatham High St, SW16. 020 8764 2646 / 020

8769 2601 • Pizza Express 3-7 South End, CR0 020 8680 0123 • Zizzi - DS Pasta and Pizza in modern surroundings with a wood oven for pizza. French doors all along the front, which they open up in summer. 57-59 South End, CR0. 020 8649 8403 MEXICAN • Chiquito Unit 3, Valley Park Leisure Development, Purley Way, CR0. 020 8686 8341 • Conchitas 27/29 South End, Croydon Tel: 020 8255 8028 • Tequila Rock Cafe 281 High St, CR0 020 8686 8030 020 8686 3223

DS indicates DEEP Stockist!

for filling up before a night on the town. 56 George St, CR0 020 8681 6598 • Osushi Croydon’s first sushi restaurant - sushi, tempura & ramen in contemporary surroundings 47 South End, CR0 1BF 020 8681 1166 • Paisaan Thai. Delivery of food and wines & beers available! 13-17 Station Rd, CR0 020 8686 6254 • Royal Garden Upmarket Chinese. Takeaway available. Shirley Hills Rd, CR0 020 8654 6491 / 020 8654 0170 • Spicy Penang Chinese / Malaysian cuisine. Restaurant / takeaway / free delivery (over £15 (after discount) within 3 mile radius. 10% discount on all takeaway collections and deliveries. 49b49c South End, Croydon, CR0 1BF. 020 8680 2010 Lunch Mon-Fri: 12-2.30pm Dinner Mon-Thu: 6-11.30pm Fri/Sat: 6pm-midnight Sun: 12 noon - 11pm. • Tai Tung Chinese. 550 Purley Way, CR0 020 8688 3668 / 0117 • Udon Noodle Bar 74 London Rd, CR0 020 8686 0602 • Welcome Friends Chinese. 4 Bingham Corner, Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8656 9981.

ORIENTAL • Anna’s Thai. 1078 Whitgift Centre, CR0. 020 8681 6601 • Beijing Cottage Superior Cantonese. 49 South End, CR0 020 8688 2046 020 8688 1092 • Blossom House Chinese. 340 Limpsfield Rd, CR2. 020 8651 4723 • Excelsior Chinese. 264 Wickham Rd, CR0. 020 8656 1666 • Kelong All you can eat Malay/Chinese buffet. 1b Selsdon Rd, CR0 020 8688 0726 • Longquan Noodle Bar 97 South End, CR0 020 8667 9588 • Mae Ping Thai. 16-18 South End, CR0 020 8760 0278 • Malay House Malaysian BYO alcohol. 60 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8666 0266 • Miso Noodle Bar. Geeorge Street, Croydon www.misonoodlebar.co.uk • New China King 6 Beddington terrace, Mitcham Rd, CR0 020 8689 8222 • Oriental Express Good value functional chinese food served super-fast. Ideal

NEPALESE • Gurkha Spice Nepalese cuisine 343 Brighton Road, South Croydon, CR2 6EQ 020 8686 8606 020 8667 0711 OTHER • Croydon Steak House T-bone steaks from 500g to 1500g. 31 South End, CR0 020 8688 8422. Closed Sun. • La Brasa Argentinian cuisine - 108a High St, CR0. 020 8760 9610 • Nando’s Portugese chicken restaurant. 26 High St, CR0 020 8681 3505, 0800 975 8181 46

• Tiger Tiger - DS Classic cuisine with a contemporary twist, along with 6 bars, 2 dance-floors and happy hour 5pm-7.30pm. 16 Grant’s Building, High St, CR0. 020 8662 4949 www.tigertiger-croydon.co.uk • Tree House - DS Large contemporary restaurant with bar and garden offering modern European cuisine. Main meals from £8.95. 78 South End, CR0. 020 8688 9837 SPANISH • Bodega - DS New tapas bar / restaurant. Over 21s only. Dress code: No hoodies, tracksuits, caps or football shirts. Open 12-11 Sun-Thu 12-12 Friday-Saturday Food served 12-3 and 5-10pm every day. 14 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DL, 020 8680 9728 • Galicia Tapas Bar and restaurant. 269-275 High St, CR0 020 8686 0043 • La Tasca Tapas bar and restaurant. 38-40 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1YB, 0208 680 3388 • Las Fuentes Tapas bar and restaurant. 36-40 High St Purley Surrey CR8 2AA, 020 8763 1983 • Picasso Tapas Bar and restaurant. 910 London Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7 7PE, 020 8684 0049 VEGETARIAN • Pepperton UK - DS Relaxed and friendly licensed vegetarian restaurant and art gallery. Open Tue - Thu: 5.00pm - 10.00pm Fri - Sat: 12noon - 10.00pm Sun & Mon: Closed (other than for party/group bookings of 10 or more). Pepperton UK 25 Selhurst Road, SE25 020 8683 4462

cabs / cinema / music / adult cabs • A1 Minicabs 307 London Road, CR0, 020 8683 3535 or 020 8684 5050 • Circuit Cars 12 South End, CR0 020 8680 4321 • Croydon Carriage Co 270 Wickham Road, CR0 020 8656 1313 • Croydon Central Cars 35 South End, CR0 020 8686 4444 020 8686 4499 • Derby Minicabs 1 Derby Road, CR0 020 8680 5566 020 8680 7799 • Kendall Cars 11, Epsom Road, CR0 and 20 Station Road, CR0. 020 8681 3535 • Roadrunners 174 North End, CR0 0800 147369 020 8681 8700 • Station Cars Purley 10 Station Approach, Purley, CR8, 020 8660 6000 020 8668 8848 • Station Cars Sanderstead Sanderstead BR 020 8657 5550 020 8657 1110 020 8657 5588

hotels • Aerodrome Hotel 3 star. £60-£120 Purley Way, CRO 020 8680 1999 • Coombe Lodge Around £55. 104 Coombe Rd, CR0, 020 8686 2030 • Coulsdon Manor Hotel 4 star. £108-£130 Coulsdon Court Rd, Coulsdon, 020 8668 0414 • Croydon Park Hotel 4 star. £125 - £140. Gym and pool. And a bar open to non-residents. 7 Altyre Road, CRO 020 8680 9200 • Express Holiday Inn WS

Priddy’s Yard, off Frith Road, (behind Debenhams) Croydon • Fairfield Hotel 2 star. £60ish. 1 Lansdowne Rd, CRO 020 8681 3381 • Hilton Croydon 4 star. £110. Waddon Way (off Purley Way), CRO. 020 8680 3000 • Innkeepers Lodge (Windsor Castle) - WS £70. 415 Brighton Rd, South Croydon, CR2 0870 243 0500 • Jury’s Inn 3 star. From £69. Wellesley Rd, CR0, 0870 907 2222 • Kirkdale Hotel £45-£80. 22 St Peters Rd, CRO. 020 8688 5898 • Premier Travel Inn £55ish. The Colonnades Leisure Park, 619 Purley Way, CR0. 0870 990 6554 • Selsdon Park Hotel 4 star. £100-£175. 126 Addington Rd, CR2 020 8657 8811 • South Park Hotel 2 star. £55-£75 3-5 South Park Rd, CR2 020 8688 5644

music • Beanos - WS The UKs largest 2nd hand record shop. 3 floors of vinyl heaven. Star House, 7 Middle St (near Jim Thompsons / Surrey Street market) 020 8680 1202 • Jonathan Myall Music Europe’s leading woodwind & brass centre. New & secondhand. Sales, rental, repairs. 46 South End, CR0 020 8662 8400 www.justflutes.com • Livewire Recording Studios Streatham Ice Arena 386 Streatham high road London. SW16 6HT 020 8835 9913 • Martin Phelps Music Guitars, amps, digital pianos, keyboards. On site guitar workshop. Buy and sell instruments. 9 South End, CR0, 020 8680 9747 47

• Memory Lane Records Old tunes. 55 Frith Road, CR0 020 8649 7220 • Online Studios 2 state of the art soundproofed, air-conditioned recording studios with vocal room. Studio hire, music production, training courses and DJ recording. Free parking. Unit 18-19 Croydon House, 1 Peall Road, Croydon, CR0 3EX. Tel: 020 8287 8585. www.onlinestudios.co.uk info@onlinestudios.co.uk • Rockbottom - WS Southern England’s largest music shop - keyboards, electronica, guitars & amps, drums & percussion (drum lessons available), woodwind & brass instruments. Buy and sell, downstairs rehearsal studios. 68/70 London Road, CR0. 020 8680 1042 • Scream Studios - WS Open 24 hours. 1000w rig with on board digital effects. Piezo mic recording system, air conditioning. Full backline available. Parking available. Daytime sessions from £18, evening sessions from £25. 20c South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN(next to E-Bar). 020 8686 5788 www.screamstudios.co.uk • Swag Records - WS Dance music specialists. 42 Station Road, West Croydon. 020 8681 7735 www.swagrecords.com • Vinyl Resting Place WS Now online only at: www.thevinylrestingplace. co.uk • World Domination Music Croydon’s newest independent music publisher. Looking for singers/songwriters. All demos listened to. 52 Upper Selsdon Road, South Croydon, CR2 8DE 020 8657 5565

• 101 Records 2nd hand music. 11 Keeley Rd, CR0. 020 8681 8282

cinema / theatre .• Fairfield Halls - WS Theatre and cinema. Park Lane, Croydon, CR9 1DG box office: 020 8688 9291 admin: 020 8681 3381 www.fairfield.co.uk • Warehouse Theatre - WS Theatre and bar. Dingwall Road, Croydon CR0, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk • Vue Grants 10 screen cinema complex. 14 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1GT. bookings and info: 08702 406020 enquiries: 020 8688 0606 www.warnervillage.co.uk • Vue Purley Way 8 screen cinema complex. Valley Park Leisure Complex, Hasterman Way, Croydon, CR0 4YA. bookings, info and enquiries: 08702 406020 www.warnervillage.co.uk • David Lean Cinema - WS 80 seater cinema & bar mostly art-house and alternative films. Croydon Clocktower, Katherine Street, Croydon, CR9 1ET. 020 8253 1030

adult • Hustler Club Croydon’s newest (and only) table dancing club. 8pm-3am www.hustlerclubuk.com 12-20 Crown Hill, Croydon, 020 8633 1621 • Private DVDs, videos, ‘marital aids’ toys etc in a discreet environment. Selsdon Road, South Croydon (opposite The Folly pub)

is for: BLACKAMOOR’S HEAD / BODEGA / BAR AT THE TOWN HOUSE.

The Blackamoor’s Head stood in Oak Lane, which ran roughly between Middle Street and Surrey Street, just about where the Grants loading bay is now. As can be seen from the building, the Blackamoor’s Head was a 16th century timber framed construction and was a tavern from that time onwards until

changed. It may have been the name of a beer company that owned the Ship. It’s worth mentioning that though the Ship is called the Ship, it has no connection with the sea. The name is in fact a tidied up version of an old spelling of sheep: Shippe. There was a large sheep market in South Croydon and farmers would have a break from their droving at the Shippe, which became in due course the Ship. All of which means that there are, strictly speaking, two “Sheeps” in Croydon… Lastly, B is also for the bar in the Town House, the pub that took over the premises where the Tavern in the Town stood, opposite the High street end of Katherine Street. When it re-opened as the Town House in the early 90s, it boasted a very tall bar, which reached through both floors almost to roof height. Its owners predicted with some confidence that the bar was the tallest in the world and that the pub was Guinness World Recordsbound. They almost made it but a bar in Texas pipped them by a few inches and so, alas, the Town House had to make do with second-tallest bar in the world status. The Town House didn’t last very long and the second tallest bar in the world soon disappeared, whether to another

The Town House’s tall bar was Guinness World Records-bound, until pipped by mere inches by a venue in Texas the 19th century. Information about the Blackamoor’s Head is scarce, though these evocative photographs from the early 1890s (probably taken for reference prior to the imminent demolition of the area – which was designated a slum – for the widening of the High Street) are worth hundreds of words. Its name was changed at some point to the Green Man; later, it ceased to be a tavern and became a lodging house and was demolished in about 1892. B is also for Bodega, the name the famous Ship (still, happily, with us; first jar served: 1640) sailed under from 1916 until the early 50s. It is not clear from a trawl of the local archives why the name was

pub or chopped up for firewood remains a Croydon pub mystery. Those archeologists who seek a remnant of the pub should walk down Surrey Street, at the rear of the building, into Middle Street (where the iron staircase is) and after a bit of searching you will see the Town House’s old delivery sign, still screwed to the wall. Find out more about Lost Croydon Pubs by joining the Facebook group: OLD CROYDON BOOZERS AND CLUBS (NOW DEMOLISHED OR CLOSED). http://bit.ly/c5kcl.

No two-for-one wine offers here The ‘Head Inn olden days

The latest dispatches from the other side of the world courtesy of Deep’s very own globe-trotting correspondant Geoff Lyons...

la amigos! A celebration is in order, so break open the 7-Up and put in a double shot of Horlicks... Ladeez and Genelmen... be upstanding if you please and put your hands together to show your appreciation for... approximately 270 Nights Of Bad Kip...! Ta Dah DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! I’ve been away backpacking for about 9 months now, and as interesting a journey as it’s turning out to be (and I include the many shit bits and things that went totally wrong because that’s what makes it a journey) the sad truth is that due to a few things, a decent night’s sleep is, unless you’re seriously rich, out of the bloody question. So, in no particular order, let’s hear it for; Bad mattresses (applause please!); The twat who switches on the dorm light at 3 in the morning to “look for something in my rucksack...” (more clapping); The same guy’s mate who stumbles in 5 minutes later pissed...(go on... ENJOY!); Finding out too late that your hostel is located on a road that, although amazingly quiet during the day is actually the local drag racers practice take-off pad at night - from 11 ‘til 5am... (yeeharr!); And, a late entry... the person who has to be up at 5.05am and is packing their rucksack with stuff wrapped in EVERY SINGLE PLASTIC BAG IN THE FUCKING WORLD. For an hour! (okay, calm yourselves..) And they’re the only ones that spring to mind - they have friends - the bastards. But I whinge not, and digress a lot. It was just reality check o’clock because I’ve got big news. I’ve fallen in love. I’d read about it happening to others. Love at first sight. But never did I think that it would happen to scruffy, arty, beardy, sillydancing, tequila drinking me. We’ve been flirting now for nearly 3 weeks at the time of writing, and I see the start of something seriously longterm. She’s gorgeous. Sexy as hell. Passionate, quirky, loads to explore (he he!), loves rock music, folk music, in fact any kind of music and dancing - lots of dancing, into football (I’ll watch a game on the box, but I’m not too bothered about the

feetballs, but it’s cool), and she’s not a veggie (which is fine with me ‘cos I’m a lapsed), definitely skinnier down at the bottom than she is up top - nothing wrong with that though - I’ve seen some of her middle, a little of the south, and enjoying heading north. Curvy in places and a couple of nice bits that stick out. And her name is: South America! Yeah - or should I say "Si!”, I’m now in Argentina and have just started exploring an amazing continent where stunning steaks the size of Surrey are on the menu along with awesone wines, and every single señorita looks like Salma Hayek. Even the ugly ones. And even the ugly ones’ mums. I flew from Auckland, NZ, to Santiago, Chile, then crossed the border on a night bus to Mendoza, Argentina and so far have done a kind of loop swinging back up through Buenos Aires, and I carry on north in a couple of hours to a town called Tucaman (no, I’d never heard of it either), then on up to the

Bolivian border. So, Argentina. You think of the Falkland Islands and Diego Maradona´s ‘Hand Of God’, right? Well I do, or did. Right now I think of the Tango.... (not the drink, y’numpty, the dance!), football, steaks, wine, football, steaks, condors (the bird of prey, not the tobacco, although it was a lovely moment when I saw them - boom boom) and a few other bits, including Salma Hayek’s mum. And the people are very friendly and don’t stare at me at all. Well, no more than I get in Croydon. And seeing as "I no hablo mucho Espanol, senors - deescoolpo", they go out of their way to help. An A’Level in Mime seems to have helped a bundle - with sound effects optional. I started in a town called Mendoza, which was hosting the first Wine Festival I’ve ever been to that had a procession or three, loads of beauty queens, loads of people cheering, loads of floats - but no bloody free wine! Bummer. And I’d taken my 4 litre mug with me too... Anyway,

“Every single señorita looks like Salma Hayek. Even the ugly ones. And even the ugly ones’ mums”

the hostel I stayed in had free wine, so that made up for it, and I refilled my mug frequently, and my drinking receptical too for that matter. Then it was an 18 hour bus ride to a town called Bariloche, from which I explored The Parque Nacionale for 2 days, and trekked up a mountain called Nahuel Haupi. I would be hiking with a French guy called Hubert, who looked like he meant serious business. Now. I love hiking and trekking and I take it pretty seriously, planning food, gear, fitness, knowledge of the area, etc. And because I go on my own a lot I make sure I’m safe - I don’t head out in flip-flops and trendy swimming shorts with a small bottle of water for company. You’re going up a mountain for fuck´s sake. Two days before our trip, 4 people had died falling off the mountain about a thousand metres above us, so respect and safety first, savvy ? But I also like a bottle of wine the night before, and probably a hit of tequila from a hipflask before I start - well you have to keep warm out there, right? Not this guy Hubert. An offer of a mug of red wine the previous evening with dinner had been politely declined, because he wanted to run up part of the mountain next day. Run? Up a mountain? Fair enough mate, whatever floats your boat. So the plan was to hike a few kilometres into the Parque, cross a river and head up into the mountains. We were aiming to go 2000 metres up between 2 glaciers, head for the first refugio and have a meal, stay the night with other trekkers then return down the mountain next day. The weather forecast was fairly good - cloudy with occasional sun and a possibilty of rain. We were up at 7am and after a light breakfast and loads of good coffee we grabbed our

packs and left for the 8am bus. I could tell that Hubert meant business by a lack of humour and lot of frowning and looking into the middle distance (or maybe he was just being French, who knows?) Anyway, I managed to keep up with the commando-style quick-step for about an hour at the start, then told him to carry on ahead by himself, because 1) I wanted to enjoy the scenery. 2) I had nothing to prove to anyone, and 3) I was already getting knackered. Anyway, the hike was kind of straight up through thick forest for 2 hours after we crossed the river, then out onto rock and mountainside. I remember looking up through the trees and seeing Mr Blue Sky smiling back at me and the glaciers up above sparkling snow white against crow-black rock - just beautiful. Gandalf my old friend, this was gonna be a day and night to remember... I’d read it should take about 5 hours to get to the first refugio. After about 3, having heaved myself up, over and between rock and shingle and saying ‘fuck’ a lot at the stunning scenery, I started to get a bit concerned. The air had got noticeably colder as I got higher, which I’d expected, but the 3 people who’d been 10 minutes behind me hadn’t shown and I couldn’t see anyone ahead - and on a mountainside you’ve a lot of area to see the colourful pinpricks of other trekkers on the rock above. Then, suddenly, a group of condors and an eagle came out of nowhere and started to circle about 50 metres above my head, turning away, soaring on the thermals almost out of sight, and then returning. Was I nervous? You bet. Trying not to be but wondering just how close they were going to get, because they obviously weren’t bothered by me in the slightest. Looking at my map I realised I didn’t

know where I was - it seemed that despite checking my position and the occasional squint at a compass over the last hour, I’d got lost, and was probably at least 2 hours hike to where I wanted to be. I was getting pretty tired, the clouds were rolling in around me, and the condors weren’t going away. I could see a small white weather-beaten building up ahead about half a kilometre away, so decided to make for that, get a bit of shelter out of the wind and assess where I was. Obviously I’d got to get a move on because with only a few hours of bright sunlight left I didn’t want get stranded. So keeping one eye on the condors and the other on the rock in front of me, and trying not to slip too much, I pulled myself up to towards the shack ahead. Someone had painted a big arrow and ‘250 mts’ in white emulsion over to my left, so I obviously wasn’t the first person to get a bit disorientated and lost up here, and it’s weird how just far 250 metres can seem and take to hike on shingle and rock, at a pretty steep gradient. Then, suddenly, a head popped up from the rockface above, and a French voice shouted "Geoff! Voila! You made eet!" My mate French Hubert (or ‘You-bear’ as he liked to say eet, the leetle deveel..), had made it an hour earlier, and it turned out that I wasn’t lost at all and had completed the hike and made it to La Refugio in 3 and a half hours instead of 5. Yeah! Go me! Croydon 1, Rest Of The World nil..) Later, once I’d stashed my pack and claimed a mattress, I sat on a bit of rocky outcrop, with a glacier to my left, 3 separate mountains intersecting in front of me, watching condors circling and soaring above and through the rolling clouds. The sunset was spectacular and the cold beers drunk whilst listening to Led Zeppelin’s ‘Misty Mountain Hop’ tasted bloody brilliant. Over the next few days, and now in Buenos Aires, I took in a noisy, partisanas-hell ‘futbol’ match at La Boca Stadium, home of Boca Juniors, Diego Maradona’s old team...they didn’t look under 12 to me (imagine Gladiator in shorts), walked through the supposed Harlem of Argentina to the colourful Caminito area... artists’, shabby old buildings and open-air tangos on the streets, and joined in the dullest St Paddy’s Night ever. I’m off tomorrow north again to Bolivia, which always makes me think of Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid. (awesome movie). Okay, gotta run so muchos gracias for reading, enjoy your pint and I’ll see you sometime, Croydon... Adios for now! Geoff x

News-hound Da da da dada da da NEWS! Da da da dada da da NEWS!

e start this month with news for readers of a certain age. My age, in fact, or even a touch older, if such a thing is possible, as April sees the long awaited arrival of the highly anticipated Underground Reunion Party. The Underground, for those of you who don’t know, was an alternative club and live music venue in the centre of Croydon (on the site of the present defunct 1921 bar, formerly Buddha Lounge, formerly Joe Bananas, formerly Peppermint Park, but firstly, the Underground...), which was the hub of activity for us alternative types back in the day. Bands that graced its sticky floored and black walled environs included The Fall, All About Eve, In2 A Circle, The Godfathers, Crazyhead, Ghostdance, Zodiac Mindwarp, Xmal Deutchland, Half Man Half Biscuit, My Bloody Valentine and a host of others I was too drunk (and too underage) at the time to remember. The place was legendary, as was the DJ, Pete Fox, and the staff. Unless you were there it’s hard to describe just how formative, and indeed seminal, the venue was. Happily, however, at 7.30pm on the 11th of April 2009 you have a chance to find out as former Underground employee of the

month Johnie Munchkin has arranged a reunion for anyone who dimly remembers the place through a snakebite and black haze to convene en mass at The Ship, erstwhile preUnderground drinking den of choice, for a massive knees up. And he’s managed to track down Pete Fox to spin some tunes on the night. At the time of writing we have Undergrounders coming from all over Britain and abroad to be there, so if you remember the Underground, you should really be there too. Vist the facebook groups below for more details and a trip down memory lane: http://tinyurl.com/cjh3k7 http://tinyurl.com/dyfd9r http://tinyurl.com/dxo7u4 Elsewhere in sunny Croydon, this months movers and shakers are Hub, which has closed down, to no-ones particular chagrin, and the Builders Arms, which is undergoing something of a major refurb as we speak. More on that next month. In telly / friend of the mag news, this month sees the first of the one-off Doctor Who specials hitting our screens - woo-hoo! The more cynical among you may view the inclusion of that particular piece of news as a spurious excuse to drop a picture of David Tennant in here and, well, you’d be absolutely right, but it’s my bloody magazine and I can do that if I want to. Anyway, ‘Voyage Of The Damned’ will be on BBC1 over the Easter period (date and time tbc but we think Easter Saturday the 11th), and stars, alongside Mister Dave, Michelle Ryan and Lee Evans battling aliens when a London Bus makes a surprise detour to an alien world. Can’t wait! For more info see www.bbc.co.uk/doctorwho In film news, ‘In The Loop’ a

political comedy billed as ‘a cousin’ to the excellent ‘The Thick Of It’ hits cinemas this month. Directed by Armando Iannucci and written by him, Jesse Armstrong and Simon Blackwell, ‘In The Loop’ stars, amongst others, Peter Capaldi, James Gandolfini and Chris Addison (currently the funniest bloke on twitter with his musings on Lazy Town in particular and kids television in general turning him right wing (“Say what you like about Mussolini, at least he made the NinkyNonk run on time”)). ‘In The Loop’ is released on April 17th and looks like a corker - don’t miss. To see a trailer visit: http://bit.ly/10pOJP And finally, it’s Bill Bailey news! Bill will be on the bill for a performance on Sunday 1st June to raise money for the Sumatran Orangutan Society at the Lyceum Theatre in London. Other confirmed acts are Jason Manford, Nina Conti, a special appearance from Bollo from The Mighty Boosh, with more acts to be confirmed. Depending on where you sit, tickets are £25/£22/£20 and are available by visiting the website below or call 0844 4121742. http://tinyurl.com/dmlq8k And that is all the news we have this month. Until next time... N’night.

Natasha Gerrish on the carnage that is Club Nicaragua...

nyone who’s visited The Green Dragon in Croydon will already know it’s a smashing little boozer with a friendly atmosphere and a wide range of beers and clientele, which hosts frequent live events in the function room upstairs. What you may not know is that every three months, local hardcore band Miss Nicaragua take over the upstairs and put on a club night which is part theatre, part rave and which is fast becoming the most talked about party in town. I didn’t understand why a band known for metal riffs and punk lyrics would be putting on a club night playing dance music but once inside, everything becomes – a little more complicated! Being a regular to the pub, the transformation takes some getting used to – at the top of the stairs, having navigated my way through a wall of army netting, I find myself staring at two rooms into which somehow a festival appears to

have been squeezed. There are strobes, lasers and UV light flooding the whole space. Everywhere I look are wall hangings displaying revolutionary propaganda and psychedelic patterns and I have to remind myself, this is a pub in central Croydon. In front of me is a reception desk where a rather sexy girl in army uniform issues me with my ‘papers’. Hesitant of giving my real name, I’m encouraged to make one up and once my likeness is sketched in a passport photo-sized box, I’m handed my papers and some stickers; chevrons for my shoulders and medals for my shirt. And I’m wondering, I haven’t paid… and I’ve not been asked to… but before I can dwell on that I’m whisked away from the desk, through more camonetting and into the main room where a fair number of revellers are doing their stuff on the dance floor as the DJ controls things from the stage.

The crowd boo, the music cuts, the DJ is smothered into an old sack, led into the toilets and despatched. It’s a regime change!

The music is deep and dark, light on vocals and heavy on bass and being a guitar kinda girl I was pretty surprised to find myself quite enjoying it as different styles flowed through the night. The crowd are smiling in UV face paint, waving glow sticks and I’m just beginning to find my dancing feet when the atmosphere quickly changes as three balaclava-clad members of the ‘Nicaraguan Death Squad’ flank the stage, causing the DJ to skip the decks as they shake their heads disapprovingly. The crowd boo and the music cuts, the DJ is smothered into an old sack as a discordant anthem blares over the speakers: it’s a regime change! Various girls in army costumes line up saluting in front of the stage as the new DJ’s reign in ushered in with much fanfare from the audience. The previous DJ is bundled away through the crowd and out through a back door, then a tv screen which had previously been playing colourful patterns flickers, then crackles into life and we’re all treated to ‘cctv footage’ of the DJ being despatched at gunpoint in the toilets. Not your everyday changeover then.

After those theatrics the new DJ gets the place moving and following a short queue for a drink it’s time to explore. First is the Shooting Gallery – I don’t know why but shooting darts through a blowpipe at a couple of targets with a dinky glitterball hanging above was more fun that it should be! I even get a bullseye, which means I can claim a prize from the ‘free stuff’ box. This sits at reception and you are encouraged to put something in and take something out, or just take something out, but before I get there my eye is caught by a couple of people getting rather excited waving a torch around. They appear a little bit too excited; this requires further investigation. It turns out they have a camera set up on a slow speed, enabling you to write of all manner of swear words with trails of light in the air. After I finally get my turn they take my email address and a couple of days later I receive the photos – no charge! After another DJ change and another execution (this time on the cctv is some funny footage of a ‘magic bullet’ which ricochets around the toilets dropping everyone to the floor) there is a skit where some unfortunates are plucked from the dance floor and treated to a rather suspect ‘inspection’, with images of them appearing on the tv screen as a result of some dodgy internet research. Interruption over, the music is soon pumping again with a hard techno sound and as I make my way through the crowd, I’m being asked for my ‘papers’ by one of the ‘Special Patrol Group’

(basically another girl in army uniform). Failing to find them (I’m sure I had them somewhere) results in my being led to the Interrogation Area where, after being read various ridiculous accusations from a charge sheet and tickled lightly with a feather, I’m asked if I will accept a secret mission or enter the Witness Protection Scheme and receive a new identity. Since this would involve having a handlebar moustache drawn on my face to match the photo in my new ‘papers’, I accept a mission and received an envelope full of post-it notes and instructions to ‘label everything in Club Nicaragua’. I do my best and later bump into someone else performing an equally bizarre secret task, inviting everyone to join a cult and giving them a red star – all very silly and rather splendid fun on a Friday night. I wonder what else was going on in there that I was too drunk to notice? By the time I leave, a little the worse for wear at the 2am finish with the hosts’ words ringing in my ears; ‘thank you for visiting Nicaragua, come back soon!’, I find it pretty strange stepping back onto the streets of Croydon. It’s just as I left it a few hours ago, only now it seems a little colder and sadder. As I reach for my oyster card I can’t help a little smile when I see I still have a row of medals stuck on my shirt pocket, and I smile again when I count what I still have left in my purse. It may be a long way home from Nicaragua, but it’s a cab journey for me! missnic.co.uk or myspace.com/missnicaragua

A projector screen made of water lights up the thames for ‘Watchmen’, spring sprunging (www.erichands.com), ‘That’s why I take the bloody pictures’ I , ‘Love Puffs’ editorial conflab, balls to it!, ‘That’s why I take the bloody pictures’ II, sparkly 6th birthday cake, ‘Sauce’

Difficult one this month astrology fans because as you know I like to centre my musings on a month-related theme, but April, for that is the month I am predicting is due this month, is, well, a bit crud. All I could think of was St. George’s Day, April Fools’ Day and April Showers. Anyway, let’s see where the music takes us… Aries Mar 21-Apr 20 So, as you may have guessed from the Cancer intro, I don’t hold out much hope for the star signs this month, but fortunately for you Arians, you’re first up so you should get the full creative force of my hypnotically astral powers. I say you should, but regrettably you won’t because as yet I can’t think what to write. Tell you what, I’ll just say that St Georges Day is the 23rd and the general principle is that you have to go to work dressed like a dragon. Or a George. Or a Saint. Taurus Apr 21-May 20 Interestingly enough, as if being patron Saint of the country of England isn’t a fulltime job, that George fella is also the patron saint of Ethiopia. Not sure how it all came about but I did a little bit of research and enquired of some friends, Ethiopian, who said: “Selam, denna nesh? Ahfoolagahlo Moos?” I of course, being fairly fluent in the mother tongue, replied: “Chiggeryellum” to which my good friend let out a gentle laugh. I touched her lips and said: ”Ehwuhdihshahloh”. Gemini May 21-Jun 21 For those of you young enough not to remember or those who are old enough to remember but simply have no interest in 1980’s football punditry, Saint and Greavsie was a Saturday (for that was when football was played in times of yore) TV show, where a couple of chaps talked to each other about football. One was called Ian St. John, a rather short Scottish chap who played the straight man, and the other Jimmy Greaves, who basically did a bit of a cockney thing to bounce off St. John’s more dour style. No real reason for mentioning this, apart from the very tenuous link to Saints. Capricorn Dec 22-Jan 20 Looking through some interesting historical facts about April I found a recent one which stood out. On April 10th, 1998, the Belfast agreement was signed. Now, I know the Irish bear the brunt of many jokes, but honestly, if its taken them this long to reach an agreement, is it any wonder. Basically a load of drunk blokes got together in a castle and agreed they were in Belfast apparently. Not exactly ground-breaking is it?

Jun 22-Jul 22 Scorpio Oct 23-Nov 21 Sorry, I was being silly there for a second. My favourite April shower was one in 1963. Oh what a night, late December, back in 63. It was that kind of wet rain, where you just get like, really wet. I’ve heard a few people talk about fine rain as well but I haven’t come across it myself. I mean, I like rain, but it’s never really fine, unless of course you want to have an excuse for not going to work. I didn’t go to work once. Not because of rain though, my eyes fell out so I couldn’t get the train.

My favourite George Leo Jul 23-Aug 22 I may be going slightly off topic here bit a thought just occurred to me while I was thinking about George, the camp pink hippo pictured above (if the Editor puts Leo under the picture of me I’m going to murder her), who was on TV. Anyway, that made me look at the TV, and what did I find? Lionel Ritchie singing “Hello” if the truth be told. Which I found quite offensive. Why I hear you cry, in unison, and Addiscombe? Well because you’ve got this blind woman in the video, and yet what’s the thing he keeps saying to her over and over again – “Hello, is it me you’re looking for?” – which is pretty below the belt if you ask me. Of course she’s not looking for him, she can’t damn well see. That Ritchie needs a hiding I tell thee, and his brother Shane as well. Libra Sep 23-Oct 22 So, we’ve now covered some of the themes commonly associated with April, apart from one – April showers. I had a shower in April once, 1942 if I remember rightly. By jove it was cold. Sagittarius The Larch.

Nov 22 - Dec 21 60

Virgo Aug 23-Sep 22 See now this brings me nicely onto April Fools Day, or poisson d’avril as it’s called in Frenchland. Those comedic geniuses main prank is to attempt to pin a paper fish on the back of an unsuspecting “victim”. The Flemish tradition is for children to lock out their teachers or parents until they promise to bring treats. Kind of like Marc Dutroux, only in reverse. Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19 Did I publish last month the latest Girls Aloud and Sugababes rankings? The obvious mistake of course was that I neglected to factor The Saturdays into the equation. For your peace of mind fellow Saturday fans, the order is thus: 1. Frankie 2. Rochelle. 3. Una 4. Mollie 5. Vanessa Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20 A special Jade tribute from Croydon’s favourite builders… Frank: See that Jade died then Hank? Hank: Yes, very sad. She was one of the Goodies. Frank: She wasn’t mate. She was on Big Brother. Hank: I was joking, a play on her name. Frank: You shouldn’t joke about cancer. Hank: I wasn’t. Have you heard of the Goodies? Frank: You mean Jade’s family? Hank: Graeme Garden, Tim Brooke-Taylor and Bill Oddie. Frank: Wow, I never knew Jade was related to Bill Oddie. Hank: (Groans).