Deep-London Magazine April 2011 by angela ferrara

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CHALKBOARDS & WINDOW ARTWORK FOR PUBS, BARS, CAFES & RESTAURANTS. LOGOS & CARTOONS

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deep online at: www.deep-london.co.uk • www.issuu.com • facebook deep-london • twitter @deep_london Hello there.. ...and welcome to issue 88. This month you find me, readers, in a wistful mood, as I’m watching an episode of Top Of The Pops from 1976 on BBC4 as I type. Even though I was only 6 at the time, those were the days eh? What a line-up, T-Rex, Abba, Bowie, Can, er, Disco Duck... Damn, it was all going so well. Back to this then I suppose... Yes, welcome indeed to issue 88, a slightly abridged issue this month becasue, although there’s loads going on in April, there’s not actually that much going on, if you see what I mean? What there is, though, is two consecutive 4 day weekends, meaning we essentially get more time off this month than we did at Christmas with the added bonus that the sun’s out and it’s lovely out there, so I suggest we make the most of it and head to the nearest beer-garden tout suite, waving our plastic flags with gay abandon and getting all teary at how beautiful Kate looks. Unfortunately, the Deep Massive won’t be around for the Royal Wedding as we’re buggering off on holiday for a few days (in something of a sulk at our lack of invite - thanks for nothing Liz, did that 10 seconds we spent within 2 feet of each other at the Derby mean NOTHING to you?!). Well, I say holiday, we’re off to Brighton to stay in a hotel which, according to its website, offers a FREE minibar, and to go to a couple of race meetings, and bodge about on the pier having a go on the groping grabber machine (we’re running low on prizes for ‘Where’s Groove’). Rock and effing roll, non? Oh, and Groove’s coming with us, so you won’t spot him around this month I’m afraid. We’re actually a bit sad to be missing all the festivities around here, but we will be doing a Royal Wedding Gallery next month so send in your snaps of Croydon being all community-fied, and probably veeery drunk, and we’ll feature them then. So get your bunting out, yeah? Elsewhere in the mag this month we’re getting into the party and BBQ spirit with some food and more importantly booze ideas, Auntie May’s back and we’ve a foolproof guide to picking a winner in the Grand National. Ha, I was laughing even as I typed that... Plus we welcome our new royal correspondent Leighton D’Urtee who’ll guide you through the festivities here and further afield. Right, I think that’s about it from me, the sun is still out and I’m off to the pub to get some practice in. Whatever you end up doing this bank-holiday-tastic April, have a good one, enjoy the weather, as long as it lasts, and we’ll see you all next month with a bumper issue fitting in all the stuff we couldn’t this month. Pippip, avanti, allons-y and CHEERS! Angela xxx Your Bonsai-Editor 1

April 2011 Issue Eighty Eight Contact Us: editor: angela ferrara tel: 07910 506197 e: angela@deep-london.co.uk staff and contributors: auntie may, petal dunwoody, advertising sales: call angela on 07910 506197 or e-mail angela@deep-london.co.uk publishing & design: deep-london web hosting: europahost, 94 southbridge road, south croydon, CR0 1AF, tel: 0845 644 1484. www.europahost.net Happy Birthday: Congratulations: Jo & Josie, the Indian Cricket Team R.I.P: Joe Morello, Peter Loader, Enzo Cannavale, Jet Harris, Nate Dogg, Smiley Culture, Michael Gough,

GET YOUR EVENT LISTED: e-mail: HELLO@ DEEP-LONDON.CO.UK what’s on listings are absolutely FREE!

Last date for inclusion in May issue -

20th April 2011

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APRIL 2011 THIS MONTH’S FEATURES:

6 38

A Right Royal Knees Up

Deep Guide to the Grand National

Food ‘n’ Booze!

Auntie May

Deep in the Shed

Month in pix

4 LISTINGS: What’s On Guide

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Your guide to what’s going on where on Will’s & Kate’s big day - Gawd Bless ‘Em with Deep-London’s own Royal Correspondent, Leighton D’Urtee. . .

“

What a ghastly headline. If I didn’t have a vast delapidated country estate and a pack of hounds to maintain I’d have nothing to do with your odious little magaz... Oh, is this on? Ahem... What ho, Deep-London readers! I’m delighted to be here to guide you all through the marvellous scenes we can look forward to this month. A Royal Wedding, eh? Nothing quite like it for stirring the old patriotic blood. Of course, I’ve known Wills since he was kneehigh to a corgi after spending a tremendous three days with his Grandad taking pot shots at endangered species in Africa. I’d just finished directing a celebrity travel programme, a hobby of mine and something of a televisual innovation in those days, not like today where any Thomas, Dickie or Harold can waltz off around the globe on licence fee payer’s money. I can’t quite remember exactly what it was we were filming due to a touch of beriberi, but I think it was ‘Thora Hird Up The Limpopo’, where a splendid time was had by all, apart from the poor local chaps who had to haul her Stannah from Sud Afrique to Mozambique. Stoutly built little fellers they were, but the lack of 3 pin plugs did make it a tad de trop... But I digress, we’re here of course to celebrate the nuptials of dear Wills and the, quite frankly in my opinion, slightly common Kate Middleton, and in their benificence I gather they’ve given all of you chaps some sort of day off. I wouldn’t know, having never had to work, but I trust you’re all

suitably grateful and rather than spend the day in whatever ginsoaked hovel you usually frequent, you’ll be out on the streets, looking smart and waving some sort of flag. Splendid, that’s the ticket. There’s nothing like a good old fashioned street party, and apparently there are three going on - I’m sure there are many more, but these are the only ones the nonresident general public are invited to, I gather, or indeed, the only ones the Deep chaps have been invited to, which says a lot about them. Firstly, two spiffing pubs in South

Croydon, the Earl of Eldon (I knew his nephew, you know) and the Crown and Sceptre (suitably royal, well done) have banded together and closed their collective road, that of Junction, and are planning events starting at 10am and going all the way through until public house closing time. We’re reliably informed that they’ve gone bunting bonkers, so expect a real community atmosphere down there, to which you are all invited. Spiffing! In the centre of your metropolis, two more inns, the Green Dragon and the Dog and Bull, have also

“Of course I’ve known Wills for yonks - first met him in Africa whilst on location for ‘Thora Hird Up The Limpopo’. Lovely chap - I bagged an ocelot with his Grandad. . .”

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joined forces to hold a street party on Surrey Street Market (which sounds to me like there may be costermongers, of whom I disapprove), followed by a garden party (of which I do approve as long as there’s gin and the young ladies are in gingham). Not sure of the time of that one, but I’d imagine it’s an all day and night affair. Pop yourselves along to either pub and they’ll furnish you with more details, I’m sure. Slightly further afield, the Arc in Caterham will be holding their own street party on the green by the venue, and promise a big cinema screen to watch the event, food stalls and ‘fun things’. This is a ticketed event, which I won’t be attending as I disapprove of fun as well. I also heartily disapprove of ‘punk rock’ and I’m disappointed that there isn’t more respect being shown by the Alma in Crystal Palace, who are holding an all day all night affair called ‘Anarchy at the Alma.’ Disgusting, although I gather the music policy is ‘dub, soul, funk and balearic rhythms, 80's groove, electro-funk and house rhythms’, whatever that is, and they have a ‘BBQ’. Indoors, you can watch the glorious day unfold from the comfort of the Brief pub on George

Street, a beautiful British name or Taberners in St George’s Walk, another beautiful British name, both of whom have events running into the evening. Speaking of the evening, it wouldn’t be a wedding without a reception, and moving into the evening more hostelries are joining in the revelry. Firstly we have a fancy dress night at the Ship entitled ‘It’s a Nice Day for a White Wedding?’. Well yes, it is, at it happens. I expect they want you to dress as the happy couple or something equally ghastly and ‘amusing’. This blatant, yes, I’ll say it, TREASON, starts at 8pm, I believe, and I’ll be sending the Beefeaters around to arrest the perpertrators shortly after. Further into the great city of London, there’s more of this ‘punk’ nonsense at the Lexington, who frankly should know better, with a, I can hardly bear to say it, ‘Dirty Water Royal Wedding Special’ featuring some punk chappies and whatnot. The morning after the night before should be interesting given you people’s propensity to overindulge at the drop of a hat, so the good people at the Glamorgan have organised an ‘hangover party’ from 4pm, which I imagine is

around the time the happy couple will be jetting off on honeymoon and the people of Croydon (seriously Cynthia, can we look up where this Croydon place is?) will be arising from their addled slumber. Here you can enjoy a South African ‘BBQ’ and some live music. Tickets are available from the bar. And lastly, we have a Royal Wedding After-Party, which is surely against the trades-description act as the royals I’d imagine wouldn’t be caught dead in wherever Croydon is, at somewhere called the Scream Lounge, featuring yet more of these ‘punk’ people. I despair whatever happened to a nice cup of tea, with gin in it, and a scone before heading off to chase some foxes across a field? That’s a proper day out for the family. I really do think that some of you people have just stuck the words ‘Royal Wedding’ before whatever it is you usually do in a cynical attempt to cash in on our glorious future king’s nuptials. Shame on you all... ...Right-o Cynthia, I’ve done my bit. Fill in the details, would you, and get my cheque from that grubby little chap when you’re finished and bring it to the club. Good girl. TTFN!”

“Croydon High Street on the 29th, I’d imagine...” 5

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It’s the foolproof Deep-London Guide to picking a winner in the Grand National...

ell, we say foolproof, but at the end of the day it’s 40 horses running across a field jumping over stuff, so anything could, and frequently does, happen (see Mik Tubb’s well fancied pick for the National’s pre-amble race last year turning around and refusing to race - if they don’t wanna, they ain’t gonna). But, as the Grand National is undoubtedly the greatest horse-race in the world, and as we’re avid punters, we feel we’d be remiss in our duties if we didn’t point out a few tips and trends that everyone else seems to know about to at least narrow the field a bit. We don’t promise to pick the winner, or even to get you a place, but people who spend far too much time and who should probably get out more seem to think these stats make a difference. And then Mon Mome rocks in at 100/1 c’est la vie, c’est la chance, c'est les

chevaux. Here we go then... • Age Concentrate on horses aged 8-12. Stamina reserves and jumping ability are the two most crucial requirements for a Grand National winner. Younger horses have a poor record in the race which is probably because they tend to have more speed than stamina. As horses age they tend to lose speed and gain stamina. With so many difficult jumps, experience is also helpful which again hinders the younger runners. Older horses also tend to struggle in the Grand National as a horse needs to be in its prime to survive the tests of the World’s greatest race. Age Win Stats: • 10 of the last thirteen winners have been aged nine or ten. • In the last 87 years no horse older than 12 has won the Grand National Age Place stats: • No horse aged below eight or above

Don’t Push It & Tony McCoy, 2010 National winners

twelve has made the frame in the past 10 years. We have to go back to 1940 to find a horse younger than 8 that has won the Grand National • Eight to eleven year olds have filled all 24 places in the last six years. • Class Concentrate on those rated between 136 and 157 on the day of the race. Class Win stats: • Most recent Grand National winners ran off an offical rating of between 136 and 157 with only Bobby Jo and Little Polvier winning from out of the handicap. • Weight Concentrate on runners carrying under 11st 6 lbs. The weight a horse carries is probably the most important statistical factor when analysing top class staying handicap chases. With the Grand

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National being the longest and toughest staying handicap chase this is made even more important. Since the war only five Grand Nationals have been won by horses carrying more than 11 st 5 lbs and two of those were by the incredible Red Rum. Horses carrying more than 11 stone 5lbs have tended to struggle. The Grand National is such a long and tough race that every pound which is carried makes a big difference. Weight Win Stats: • Only two horses in the last 25 years have carried more than 11 stone to victory. Weight Place stats: • Last year, only one horse carrying more than 11st 5 finished in the first 9 home. • Stamina Concentrate on those with proven stamina. Stamina is a critical ingredient for winning the Grand National. Every year we see very talented 2.5 milers that the public & press get behind, yet they never seem to last home. If a horse hasn't previously won over at least 3 miles (24 furlongs) then you are taking a big chance that its first long distance win will be the Grand National. The 2009 winner Mon Mome had confirmed his stamina by previously winning chases over three miles or further, including a prestigious handicap at Aintree over 25f and finishing second over 28f at Cheltenham. Stamina Win Stats: • Gay Trip (1970) was the last winner who hadn’t previously raced over 3 miles (24f) • Ability to Perform in Top Races Concentrate on horses who have proven big race ability. It’s far safer to concentrate on runners with proven ability. These horses have shown that they are capable of winning and that they can handle the conditions of a competitive race. Concentrate on horses with proven ability in a decent class race Last year’s winner had proven himself in good class races including winning a 43k handicap at Aintree. Ability Win stats: • 9 of the last 10 winners had won a listed or graded chase. • Every winner in the last ten years had won a race worth at least £17,000. • Jumping Experience Concentrate on horses with jumping ability.

Horses with little jumping experience don't win Grand Nationals. To jump these large, difficult obstacles, a horse needs to have the confidence behind them which they have gained by jumping plenty of fences before. Schooling on the training grounds doesn't make up for real experience at the race course - this normally eliminates a few novices and those with little experience due to being off the course with injuries. Jumping Win Stats: • Each of the last 10 Grand National winners had run at least ten times over fences before the start of the big day at Aintree. • None of the last ten winners had fallen more than twice over fences in their entire careers. • Tiredness / Trained for the Race A tired and over raced horse can't be expected to beat 39 other horses in the toughest race on earth. Horses who aren't at peak fitness will struggle. The Grand National is usually run around three-four weeks after the Cheltenham Festival and many horses will have been trained so that they peak in time for Cheltenham, not Aintree. This leaves them at a disadvantage and if they have been in a tough race at the festival, four weeks or so might not be enough time for them to recover. In recent years only Silver Birch (second in the Cross Country), Bindaree (sixth in the William Hill Chase) and Dont Push It (pulled up in the Pertemps Final) have gone on to win the Grand National after racing at Cheltenham. Many others have tried and failed. • Breeding Mon Mome bucked the trend in 2009 by becoming the only French bred to have won the Grand National for nearly a century. Admittedly, Gallic breeders did not had anything like as many runners in the past as they have had in recent seasons since the massive influx of their horses to these shores, but since 1998 they have provided over 25% of the runners with only that one success. Very few races in France are run beyond 3 miles and so breeders have no need to install strong stamina genes into their stock. French breds are also trained harder from a younger age, so they can be past their best when they hit 8 or 9. • Trainers and Jockeys Its best to concentrate on the proven ability of the horse rather than the jockey and trainer. Jockeys can win with their first run in 8

the Grand National whereas some of the best national hunt jockeys have never won the race. A perfect example of this was in 2009 when jockey Liam Treadwell gave Mon Mome the perfect ride to win on his first ride around the Aintree fences. Some trainers have a better history of training staying chasers and particularly Grand National winners than others. In recent years Nigel Twiston Davies has trained 2 winners, and Ginger McCain has won 4. • Favourites: In the last one hundred years only 11 favourites have won the Grand National.

o, there we go - If we take all these trends and apply them to this year’s runners we can knock out loads of them, including favourite ‘The Midnight Club’ who’s only had 8 runs over fences. The horses that fit all the criteria and are more likely types are below - after that, it’s down to you. Here’s who’s left in it: BIG FELLA THANKS, NICHE MARKET, SILVER BY NATURE, KILLYGLEN, OSCAR TIME, GRAND SLAM HERO, WEST END ROCKER, BLUESEA CRACKER, CAN’T BUY TIME, ARBOR SUPREME, GOLDEN KITE Also ALWAYS WAINING, SADDLERS STORM, who may not run as they are, at time of going to print ‘reserves’. Of course you could ignore all of this and pick a horse with a name you like, which is probably equally as valid a reason. My money, by the way, is on Silver By Nature, plus a couple of side bets on Big Fella Thanks & Can’t Buy Time, but whatever you decide to pick good luck! NB. If anyone wins using this system ours is a pint next time we see you. Ta!

Editor’s pick: Silver By Nature

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Holiday-a-go-go! H

urrah, it’s a topical food and drink page. Well, we say topical, tenuous might be nearer the mark, but we’ve done our best to cover all forthcoming bases. Whatever, this month (and early next) we have two consecutive 4 day weekends to look forward to (one in which you have to eat chocolate - it’s the law!), and if we can’t have a nice dinner and some felicitous booze then, well, you might as well kill me now. It’s a bank holiday bonanza, so let’s eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow, we stay in bed! As my old grandad used to say, ‘pass me that bottle, it’s not as if I have to get up in the morning...’ Easy Lamb Kebabs: The sun has got his hat on (at the moment at least) so you may be toying with the idea of a Royal Wedding / Grand National / Easter / May Day / St George’s Day / Shakespeare’s Birthday / Insert spurious reason here BBQ. And it’s lamb, which sort of fits with Easter too. Oh yes, we’re good. This recipe is ridiculously easy, gets better the longer you leave the marinade on, so is ideal for preparing the day before, and is full of spring zing. Serves 4

You will need: • 1 kg of lamb meat, preferably leg, trimmed and cut in pieces for skewers - or just buy cubes of lamb • Bell peppers • Mushrooms • Onions • Anything else you fancy putting on a kebab

4. Grab your kebab skewers (if they’re wooden, run them under the tap for a bit so they don’t catch fire). 5. Skewer the lot, alternating lamb with your chosen other bits, then put under the grill, or on the barbie, or on the griddle. 6. When grilling, be sure to brush with a little bit of olive oil each piece of meat to enhance its softness.

• Kebab skewers For the Marinade: * 1/2 cup of olive oil * Freshly squeezed juice of one lemon * 3 -4 cloves garlic, chopped * 1 teaspoon thyme * 1 teaspoon oregano * Salt and pepper Method: 1. Cut the lamb into pieces little bigger than bite-sized, and set aside. 2. To prepare the marinade, mix the olive oil and lemon juice well, then add the herbs, garlic, salt and pepper and keep mixing thoroughly. Coat all pieces of meat well and place in the ‘fridge for a few hours. Be sure to turn the meat a couple of times while in marinade so it doesn t lose juiciness. 3. When you;re ready to cook your kebabs, chop your vegetables into kebab sized pieces.

7. Serve on a bed of rice with grilled vine tomatoes, or however you want. ------------------------------------------Coq Au Vin We here at Deep aren’t so naive to think that this weather will last, so here’s something for indoor cooking. Good for lining the stomach before the festivities, although it does have quite a lot of wine in it. Readers of the Deep-London facebook page will have known this one was coming. I hope you’re suitably excited. And it’s Easter, isn’t it? Easter, eggs, chickens, you get the idea... This recipe is really easy, and incredibly delicious. We didn’t use legs of chicken as it says, we just used chicken breasts cut into chunks, which was absolutely fine. If you have the inclination, really do give this one a go, it’s a corker!

I don’t care what you say, THAT, is a beautiful coq

salad chilli sauce for you? 10

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Serves 4 (or 2 massively hungry people) You will need: • 4 chicken leg portions • salt & black pepper • 2 tbsp plain flour • 2 tbsp sunflower oil • 1 oz butter • 4 oz smoked streaky bacon • 1 lb button onions (or pickled silverskin onions) • 1 pint red wine • 1 chicken stock cube • 2 tbsp tomato puree • 1 clove garlic • 1 tbsp chopped fresh thyme or 1tsp dried thyme • 8oz mushrooms

Edinburgh Apple Royal Cocktail: Enough of this food malarkey, we want the booze! This cocktail was apparently created for the Royal Wedding, so

Shake ingredients well and strain over fresh ice into a tall glass. Garnish with a long rod of cucumber. ................................................... Limoncello Summer Cocktail Ok, we may be getting ahead of ourselves with the summer bit, but this is a fantastic zingy summery refreshing drink. Tip: If you want the best limoncello, it has to be produced in Southern Italy (Sorrento, Amalf region).

Method: 1. Toss the chicken legs in seasoned flour until evenly coated 2. Heat the oil & butter in a flameproof casserole dish or large frying pan. 3. Add the chicken and fry for 10 minutes or until brown all over. 4. Remove from the pan and set aside. 5. Cut the bacon into small dice and peel the onions, if using raw onions. 6. Add both the bacon and the onions to the casserole or pan and fry for about 5 minutes, stirring occasionally. 7. Pour in the wine and allow to bubble for a minute or two. 8. Stir in the crumbled stock cube and tomato puree. 9. Crush the garlic and add to the dish or pan with the thyme. 10. Bring to the boil then return the chicken pieces to the casserole or pan, and lower the heat. 11. Cover with a lid and simmer gently for 45 minutes. 12. Halve the mushrooms and add to the dish or pan. 13. Simmer for a further 15minutes. 14. Serve with crusty bread. NB. Use a full bodied French wine such as Minevoire or Corbiere. ...................................................

Method: To make cucumber puree - blend 1 cucumber with 3 oz freshly squeezed lemon juice & 4 oz simple syrup.

that’s nice and topical. According to www.demijohn.co.uk, where we got the recipe it’s ‘a deliciously spring fresh aperitif, with a distinctive taste of apples and a hint of citrus and brings together the finest taste of British apples used in the production of Somerset Pomona and the Spring freshness of marmalady Seville Orange Gin’. Somerset Pomona is available in Waitrose, and Seville Orange Gin can be bought online from www.demijohn.co.uk, in a particularly nice bottle... You will need: • 2 measures Somerset Pomona • 2 measures Seville Orange Gin • 1 very British Apple • Indian Tonic Water • Plenty of ice Method: Add ingredients to ice in an old fashioned whisky tumbler, top up with indian tonic water and garnish with a slice from a very British Apple. Cin-cin! ................................................... Cucumber Collins: As far as we’re concerned, as soon as the sun comes out, so should the Hendrick’s Gin, so here’s a cocktail made with it. Also quite aptly, you put the cucumber in the drink, rather than waste it in the sandwiches... You will need: • 1 1/2 oz Hendrick’s Gin • 4 1/2 oz Cucumber Puree 12

You will need: * A cocktail shaker * A tall beverage glass * Ice * 2 ounces good quality limoncello * 2 ounces of raspberry vodka * 2 teaspoons of fresh-squeezed lemon juice * 2 ounces of champagne or light white wine * 4 raspberries * Mint Method: 1. Add two raspberries to the cocktail shaker and muddle them (smash them up) with a spoon. Fill the cocktail shaker half full with ice. 2. Add in the limoncello, vodka and lemon juice. Replace the lid on the shaker and shake for at least 30 seconds. The goal is to have the limoncello summer cocktail so chilled that there are ice shards on the top of the cocktail when you strain it into the glass. 3. Fill the tall beverage glass with fresh ice. Strain in the contents of the cocktail shaker. 4. Add the champagne or white wine on top and give it a quick swirl to mix. Garnish with raspberries and one sprig of mint. The limoncello summer cocktail packs a punch, so beware of drinking them too quickly, especially in the sun. If you want to lighten up your limoncello summer cocktail, skip the champagne or white wine and add in cold, bubbly club soda instead.

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Septuagenarian agony aunt cum rock mutton Auntie May returns, and the chips are down. . .

ello again folks. Well, hopefully we’ve seen the back of winter and can look forward to some warmer weather coming up, which will hopefully mean I lose fewer scarves and gloves than I have been of late, which will save me some money. I’ve been taking the opportunity to get out of Croydon this month and have dusted off my Freedom Pass and ventured up to town for a change. My good friends Clive and Lynn were launching their new book, The Forbidden Universe, at the Knights Templar in Chancery Lane, so I rocked up nice and early and got stuck in to the wine and buffet, and mingled

heading off for cocktails at happy hour in Bar 55. Now I don’t know about you, I understand basic nuclear physics, can program a video (or used to be able to when they existed) and even have a rough inkling of how the off-side rule works, but give me a cocktail menu and I’m totally flummoxed. There are just too many choices, too many of which involve Bacardi (I’m willing to bet you’ve never actually met anybody who likes Bacardi) and I live in fear of getting one of those really tiny ones when I’ve paid £7. Is it any wonder I stick to beer? I settled for a Strawberry Collins followed closely by a Zombie but had to beat a

This month we’ve been altruistically allaying the boredom of supermarket staff by putting items from our trolleys back on the shelves in illogical locations. . . with some of the celebrities there. I recognised the familiar voice of John Guerassio (you’ll doubtless have heard him providing the voice of countless animals and aliens in cartoons and computer games), although I recognised him as he’s currently playing Columbo, somebody I have always dreamed of meeting. My evening of air kissing and small-talking was regularly punctuated by the arrival of various familiar Croydon faces and a very merry gathering ensued where we discussed medieval burial arrangements and marvelled at the sight of a ten inch “mighty chip”. Unfortunately the elevated alcohol content of the night played havoc with the walking ability of a couple of the guests (mentioning no names), and I had to enlist the assistance of some friendly underground staff when they got stranded the wrong side of the ticket barrier at Temple tube and seemed to have developed a useful inability to find the right change for a ticket. I returned to London the next weekend for a birthday celebration day out in Camden. I missed the initial meetup in the World’s End but joined the celebrations in the Hobgoblin, where we experimented with using Cadbury’s Mini Eggs as nipple enhancers, before 14

hasty exit when I knocked another customer’s cocktail into her lap while posing for a photo. We wobbled up the road and round the corner to the Spread Eagle which boasted evil-smelling toilets with the most unforgiving mirrors in the world. Quote of the night has to be, “Don’t make that noise when I’m sucking my pencil”, closely followed by, “No man, there’s too much finger”. I know you imagine that Edith and I spend all our time out drinking and partying but, believe it or not, we do still have to do ordinary things such as shopping and, occasionally, cleaning. Having said that, a shopping experience with May and Edith is never a boring occurrence and we usually manage to liven it up with a game or two. Recently we have been “parsnipping” which involves getting rid of items you overzealously put in your trolley and

subsequently de-select by placing them about the store in illogical locations. For example, if you spy a parsnip in the condom isle or a pack of leeks in with the nappies, it’s a fair bet that Edith and May are not far away. We justify our antics by reasoning that it must bring a smile to the lips of the supermarket staff as they return our wayward items to their rightful place, thereby allaying the boredom of another day at the shelves. My musical highlight of the month goes to Monday Acoustic Night at the Ship. There’s always some unexpected talent to the found at this twice-monthly event, and recently I was stunned by Georgia’s perfect rendition of the Britney Spears classic “Hit Me Baby One More Time” when she proved that this was actually a heartbreakingly sad song and not the jumpy up-tempo thing Miss Spears has mistakenly been plugging. Add DI Keef and Richie Hudson into the mix and you get an unmissable evening of quality music for the price of a beer. Anyway my dears, there’s beer to be drunk and parsnips to be placed, so I’m off for more mischief and merrymaking. Until next time. . . Auntie May returns next month. . .

what a whoppa!

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Or, Beard & Sandals Monthly, or, Furry Animals, Plants & Stars, or, Tree-Huggers Unite. It’s the Deep-London Page Of Nature. . .

ore pottering from the DeepLondon shed, which is warming up very nicely in the sunshine, thanks...

Things to do in Croydon in your shed:

erely something of a heads up to start with, in that, from next month, the Deep-London shed will be HOME BREWING! This probably ill-advised foray into home-made alomohol will commence as soon as we can get: 1) an old copper boiler; and 2) Sid James to be our Dad & Terry Scott to come and live next door. I don’t know about you but we can’t wait...

Creature-Watch:

ood news, creature-watchers! The last three years of hard winters have prompted us at Deep Towers to take an interest in our little feathered friends, and as you will have read over the last few months we‘ve encouraged you all, with gardens or without, to feed the many species of birds that adorn urban Croydon. The results of the recent RSPB’s Big Garden Birdwatch endorse how effective putting

Putting food out is especially important for small birds like Britain's smallest, the Goldcrest, which is, as you can see, very wee indeed...

food out has been in improving the survival rates of small birds in bad weather. Compared to the count at the beginning of 2010, another very harsh winter, this year’s figures see many popular species making a sustained recovery in numbers. For instance, there were 4.2 House Sparrows per garden (in a sample of over 300,000 gardens across the country), this year compared to 3.8 this time last. Other species improving in numbers include Starling, Great and Blue Tit and the Chaffinch and Goldfinch. Richard Bashford, project manager of the Big Garden Birdwatch, said; “We expected last year’s trend to continue [but] we had a very good breeding season due to the dry weather in April and May. “If enough people put out food and water for small birds, it really can make quite a difference”. So there you are, it’s not just us being a flange of sandal worrying hippies, these things do make a difference. Always remember to keep feeding in the better weather so the birds know where the food is all year round and be careful to keep the feeder or table clean. Happy naturing! Petal Dunwoody

What to Plant Now:

hilli peppers are easy to grow, even if you only have a window sill. Our chilli is in a pot by the window, and last year we got 2 big (and very hot!) chillies from it. When planting chilli seeds aim to space them about 5cms apart in normal multi purpose compost, ideally mixed with some vermiculite. Then lightly cover the seeds with about 0.5cm of compost and spray the tray lightly with water. Check them every day and spray with a little water if they look a bit dry. The aim is to prevent the compost from drying out rather than keeping it wet. Place the tray either on a window sill above a radiator or on top of the ‘fridge which will keep them slightly warmer than room temperature. Germination can take anything from 1-6 weeks. Once your seedlings have poked their heads out move them to a place with a lot of light. Next month we’ll tell you what to do next...

Shed Of The Month

Watch The Skies! With Astronomy Corner. The annual Lyrid meteor shower is visible from about 16-25 April and this year peaks in the early morning of 22 April. The best time to view from the UK will probably be from about 01:00 BST onwards, when the Moon will also have set. The Lyrids are a reliable annual shower of bright fast meteors, some with trains, so called because the shower's 'radiant' (the point from which meteor trails appear to radiate) is in the constellation of Lyra, in the northeastern sky as seen from the UK. The Lyrids are not generally among the most spectacular showers, and usually only produce between 5-20 meteors per hour. However, occasionally the Earth passes through a thicker part of the comet's dust stream resulting in a more intense shower or 'meteor storm'. The Lyrids were also observed as far back as 687 BC, making them the earliest-known meteor shower. 16

the amazing camouflaged shed... Our April Shed Of The Month is Moo-Ma & Moo-Pa Ferrara’s ancient, reclaimed by nature, home to many creatures and possibly a lawn-mower, wonder of South Croydon. There is actually a shed in there, honest - you can just see bits of it poking out from beneath the ivy. Legendary! See your shed here! Send a pic to hello@deep-london.co.uk.

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Stockists: CENTRAL CROYDON: • All Bar One • Bar Red Square • Bar Se7en • Black Sheep Bar • Brief • Bull’s Head • Clocktower (Tourist Info) • Dog & Bull • Fairfield Halls • George • Goose on the Market • Gun Tavern • Green Dragon • Half and Half Lounge Bar • Loop Lounge • Milan Bar • Mojama • Royal Standard • Ship • Spreadeagle • Steelpoint Tattoo • Surrey Cricketers • Tiger Tiger • Timebomb Clothing • Yates’s Wine Lodge EAST CROY: • Builders Arms • Glamorgan • Orchard • Oval • Porter & Sorter • Tramlink Info Centre • Warehouse Theatre WEST CROY: • Bird in Hand • Sims Tattoos • Davys Wine Bar • Forbidden Planet • Fox and Hounds • Windmill SOUTH END & SOUTH CROY: • Croham Arms • Crown & Pepper • Crown & Sceptre • Earl of Eldon • Edge • Folly

Pick up your copy of Deep from any of these lovely places:

• Jalalis • Kays Off Licence • LA Fitness (Royal Oak) • La Spezia Deli (Old Pharmacy - Swan & Sugarloaf) • Laithwaite’s Wines (opp. Windsor Castle) • Peking Tasty • Purley Arms • Rail View • Red Deer • Rupali • Ruskin House • Sackville Gallery • Scream Studios • Stag & Hounds • Sth Croydon BR • Swan & Sugarloaf • Txt Bar • Treehouse • Wheelwrights Arms • Windsor Castle • Woodman • Zizzi ADDISCOMBE: • Alma Tavern • Claret Free Hs • Cricketers PURLEY: • Baan Thai • Brass Monkey • Coffee Bay (by Purley BR) • Elliott’s • Jolly Farmers • Las Fuentes • Rectory • Purley BR • Purley Pool • Purley Oaks BR • Station Cars PURLEY WAY: • Gipsy Moth • Premier Travel Inn Hotel • Green’s Gym COULSDON: • The Pembroke

OLD COULSDON: • The Fox • Tudor Rose SANDERST’D: • Sanderstead BR • Stones Hair Salon • Wine Cellar SHIRLEY: • Cricketers • Crown • Sandrock • Shirley Inn • Surprise Inn FORESTDALE: • Forestdale Arms • McDermott’s Fish Restaurant SELHURST: • Selhurst Arms • White Horse • Two Brewers • Lion Inn THORNTON HEATH: • The Lord Napier WOODSIDE GREEN: • Beehive SOUTH NORWOOD: • Portmanor KENLEY: • Kenley Arms WHYTELEAFE: • Whyteleafe Tavern

Listings Index: What’s on? 19 full weekly and daily guide All our information was correct at the time of going to press, but as the only certainty in life is change, we suggest you check before heading out. The opinions and reviews which follow are those of the Editor and staff - if you have an issue to raise about them, please ring us, rather than the venue.

Got something going on? We’re not psychic, people - let us know! What’s on listings are FREE! Call Angela on 07910 506197 or e-mail: angela@deep-london.co.uk

Deep-London Readership: 25,046 monthly plus online at www.deep-london.co.uk on facebook (deep-london). Follow us on Twitter: @deep_london

GET YOUR EVENT LISTED: e-mail: ANGELA@ DEEP-LONDON.CO.UK

Last date for inclusion in May issue -

20 APRIL 2011 Advertising in Deep-London: Prices from just £10 upwards depending on type, size and placement all prices are per month and VAT exempt

discounts available for block booking etc

Advert design service available To advertise please call Angela the Editor on: 07910 506197 / 020 8680 3558 e-mail: angela@deep-london.co.uk

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What’s On - Regular Every Day / Monthly Events: Every Day: • Market: Surrey Street (Not Sunday) London’s oldest continuously running market since 1276, with fruit and veg, bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food, all sorts. Use it or lose it, people. Open Mon-Sat from ridiculously early... Surrey Street, Croydon www.surreystreetmarket.com • Museum: Museum Of Croydon Monday - Saturday, 11am - 5pm (Closed Sundays and Bank Holidays) Permanent Galleries: Croydon History - Follow the story of Croydon from 1800 to now. The Riesco Collection of Chinese Ceramics is on permanent display in the Riesco Gallery at Croydon Clocktower. The Croydon Art Collection contains over 2000 paintings, prints and drawings. Depictions of local scenes and landmarks are stored alongside works by Henry Moore, Bridget Riley and Bengali poet Rabindranath Tagore. Museum Of Croydon, Clocktower, Katharine Street • Wildlife: Beaver Waterworld We at deep are HUGE fans of Beaver Waterworld, and not just because of the amusing name. They’ve got birds, beavers, lizards, snakes, crocodiles, tons of other animals. A registered charity, BWW is also a rehoming centre. “Our aim at Beaver Water World Reptile Zoo is to be a refuge - a Noah's Ark for rare and rescued reptiles”. Open EVERY Day except Xmas Day - 10am to 5pm. Adults - £4.00, Children - £3.00 Beaver Water World, Waylands Farm, Approach Road, Tatsfield, Nr. Westerham Kent. TN16 2JT, Tel: 01959 577747 www.beaverwaterworld.com • Farm: Fanny’s Farm To complement Beaver Waterworld... Farmshop, Tearooms and tea gardens, Childrens play area, Florists, Chickens, pigs and sheep, The famous treehouse, Landscape garden/garden centre, chickens, 2 new vietnamese pot bellied pigs - Burt and Ernie - and sheep. Fanny's Farm Shop, is the perfect place to enjoy a cream tea, fresh coffee or a ploughman's lunch featuring local cheeses. Fanny's features a wide range of local produce to buy, including jam and marmalade, honey, floral arrangements, pickle, mustards, fresh vegetables, bacon and eggs, cakes and handmade gifts. Opening Hours - 9.00am to 6.00pm every day including bank holidays, although we do stop serving teas at 5.00pm. Fannys Farm Shop, MarkEdge Lane, Merstham, Surrey RH1 3AW

email: fanny@fannysfarmshop.co.uk Tel: 01737 554444 http://fannysfarmshop.co.uk

................................. 1st Tuesday of the month: • Live Music: Rob and Friends Jamming. From 8.30pm. The Royal Standard, 1 Sheldon Street, Croydon, CR0 1SS, 020 8688 9749 For more events, find us on facebook!

1st Wednesday: • Kids: Iggy and Loong’s Under 5s Until March 2011 (except January) 10.30am, 11.15am & 12pm (30 mins). Join Iggy the iguana and Loong the Chinese dragon for songs, games and stories in the Riesco Gallery. Aimed at the Under 5s. FREE! Just drop in. Riesco Gallery (ground floor), Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon. www.croydonclocktower.org.uk

1st Thursday: • Live Music: The New Delta Big Band From Ellington to Herman, big band jazz at its best! 8.15-11pm. FREE! The Lord Napier, 111 Beaulah Road, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8653 2286. • Gay: Quiz Monthly quiz night. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.com • Comedy: Upfront Comedy Club Hosting a different line-up of black comedians every month. See Clocktower website for who’s on. “The most enterprising black comedy promoters in the country" The Guardian. 8pm. £9.50 (£7.50 conc) Croydon Clocktower, Katharine St, Croydon. More info from www.croydonclocktower.org.uk

1st Monday: • Music: Folk/Blues Singers & Musicians Night No need to book just come along to sing and play! £3 Croydon Folk and Blues Club, Ruskin House, 23 Coombe Road, Croydon, CR0 1BD. www.croydonfolkclub.org.uk 020 8660 5919 or 0770 3210 795

1st Wednesday: • Kids: Under 5’s Event Meet the very soft and cuddly Iggy the iguana and Loong the Chinese dragon puppets for stories and songs Wednesdays 2 February & 2 March at 10.30am, 11.15am & 12pm (30 mins) Free, drop in Venue: Riesco Gallery (ground floor of the Clocktower). FREE entry. Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon.

1st Friday: • Club: Groove On Funk club. Upstairs at The Treehouse, 78 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1DP, 020 8688 9837 www.treehousepeople.com • Poetry: Poets Anonymous Friday Poetry at the Fairfield Hotel Bar, 1 Lansdowne Road, Croydon, Surrey CR9 2BN. Floor spots. From 8pm. £2 waged, £1 unwaged. Contact Peter for further details; peter@poetsanon.org.uk, 020 8645 9956.

1st Saturday: • Music: DJ Rob Delta Playing Funk, blues, soul and psychedelia. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 6BR www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Club: Retro-Rewind Get your platforms on and dust off those flares as John Lazenby of DISCO79.com and The Arc, transport you back in time playing hours of the best 60s, 70s and 80s music guaranteed to pull you to the dance floor. Concentrating mainly on the 70’s and 80’s disco era with a bit of 60’s soul, R&B, pop and rock, 70’s glam rock, 80’s new romantic and happy songs from Wham and the like to have you jumping to the beat! £5 in advance or £8 on the door. Strictly over 21s. Doors open at 8pm and bar closes at Midnight. Booking line: 01883 330380. More info email info@the-arc-caterham.co.uk or visit www.the-arc-caterham.co.uk The Arc, 39 Weston Drive, Caterham, Surrey, CR3 5XY

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What’s On - Regular Monthly Events: 1st Sunday:

2nd Tuesday:

3rd Sunday:

• Green: Heathfield Ecology Centre Normally open from around 10 o'clock until about 5 o'clock (or dusk, whichever is sooner) on the 1st and 3rd Sunday of each month except for 1st January or when there is another event. Established in 1997 and operates out of the Old Orchard in the grounds of Heathfield House. The centre raises awareness of Croydon's green heritage and helps to preseve the borough's biodiversity. For full details of activities and membership visit www.heathfield-ecology.org.uk The Old Orchard, Heathfield, Coombe Lane, Croydon CR0 5RH

• Comedy: Comedy Night with host Gareth and guest comedians. From 8.30pm. The Royal Standard, 1 Sheldon Street, Croydon, CR0 1SS, 020 8688 9749 For more events, find us on facebook! • Group: Croydon Round Table of Inventors was established to provide a network and forum for local Croydon inventors to share ideas and experiences. It is a non-profit club, run by inventors and for inventors. Meetings take place on the second Tuesday of every month in the Town Hall, Katharine Street, Croydon from 6:30pm to 9:30pm. Please check this event is on before heading out.

• Group: Heathfield Ecology Centre Normally open from around 10 o'clock until about 5 o'clock (or dusk, whichever is sooner) on the 1st and 3rd Sunday of each month except for 1st January or when there is another event. Established in 1997 and operates out of the Old Orchard in the grounds of Heathfield House. The centre raises awareness of Croydon's green heritage and helps to preseve the borough's biodiversity. For full details of activities and membership visit www.heathfield-ecology.org.uk The Old Orchard, Heathfield, Coombe Lane, Croydon CR0 5RH • Music: ‘The Ukelele & Other Machines’ Ukelele Jam A relaxed, informal ukulele play-along session where you are the band! Everyone joins in, playing songs from our own songbook, from 60s classics to Bon Jovi, Radiohead, The Smiths and everything in between. Bring your own ukulele if you have one but we do have a couple of spares if you want to try it out. Absolutely all abilities welcome, from complete novices to good players. Everyone can play something, we guarantee it! See “the ukulele & Other Machines” website http://ukulele.website.orange.co.uk for more details and link to all our songs. Green Dragon 58-60 High St, Croydon CR0 1NA 1st and 3rd Sunday of month, 7:30pm to 10-00pm, upstairs bar.

• Music: ‘The Ukelele & Other Machines’ Ukelele Jam A relaxed, informal ukulele play-along session where you are the band! Everyone joins in, playing songs from our own songbook, from 60s classics to Bon Jovi, Radiohead, The Smiths and everything in between. Bring your own ukulele if you have one but we do have a couple of spares if you want to try it out. Absolutely all abilities welcome, from complete novices to good players. Everyone can play something, we guarantee it! See “the ukulele & Other Machines” website http://ukulele.website.orange.co.uk for more details and link to all our songs. Green Dragon 58-60 High St, Croydon CR0 1NA 1st and 3rd Sunday of month, 7:30pm to 10-00pm, upstairs bar

2nd Thursday: • Live Music: The Brian Hetherington Jazz Band Listen or jive to the authentic rythyms of New Orleans! 8.15-11pm. FREE! The Lord Napier, 111 Beaulah Road, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8653 2286.

2nd Saturday: • Poetry: Poets Anonymous Saturday Poetry in the Primary Room, United Reformed Church, Addiscombe Grove, Croydon, Surrey, CR0 5LP. 2.304.00pm. £2.00. Bring your poetry to read and share. Contact Peter for further details; peter@poetsanon.org.uk, 020 8645 9956

3rd Monday: • Music: Folk/Blues Singers & Musicians Night No need to book just come along to sing and play! £3. Croydon Folk and Blues Club, Ruskin House, 23 Coombe Road, Croydon, CR0 1BD. www.croydonfolkclub.org.uk 020 8660 5919 or 0770 3210 795

3rd Thursday: 2nd Monday: • Group: Croydon Writers Writing group. 7.45pm. New Members welcome.. Annual membership - £16.00 Meetings - £2 per meeting for members, £4 per meeting for non members. More info from www.croydonwriters.org.uk The Library, Croydon Cloctower, Katharine Street, Croydon

• Music: The New Delta Big Band From Ellington to Herman, big band jazz at its best! 8.15-11pm. FREE! The Lord Napier, 111 Beaulah Road, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8653 2286. • Gay: Quiz The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL, 020 8683, 3104 www.birdinhand.co.uk.

4th Tuesday: • Live Music: Open Mic Simon Hughes's blues and acoustic Open Mike nights. We let you entertain us! From 8.30pm. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 6BR www.ovaltavern.co.uk

4th Thursday: • Live Music: The Brian Hetherington Jazz Band Listen or jive to the authentic rythyms of New Orleans! 8.15-11pm. FREE! The Lord Napier, 111 Beaulah Road, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8653 2286.

4th Saturday: • Music: DJ BennyManyHats Playing the way only Benny can. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 6BR www.ovaltavern.co.uk

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What’s On - Regular Weekly Events: Last Monday: • Science: Cafe Scientifique Free talks and discussions with a scientist on a subject of topical interest on the last Monday of each month from 18:30 to 20:00 in the Braithwaite Hall (Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon) no ticket necessary.

Last Friday: • Club: Histree House Last Friday of the month. Old-skool house. Open til 3am. Free entry for Treehouse diners, otherwise £5. Upstairs at The Treehouse, 78 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1DP, 020 8688 9837 www.treehousepeople.com

................................. Every Monday:

• Quiz: Green Dragon Wendy’s marvellous pub quiz. 8pm every Monday. Jackpot round! £1 in, winning team gets the cash. Green Dragon, High Street, Croydon • Music: Community Choir 6:30pm, upstairs The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Club: Blue Monday Buy one hour of Pool and receive one hour free of charge. Don’t worry if you are on a one-hour lunch break - we will give you a voucher to use another day. If you are not a member you can join at reception free of charge if you bring some ID along. More about free membership. Half price on all drinks Monday to Thursday 5pm to 7pm Fridays 5pm to 9pm. Open Midday until 11pm. Admission is free of charge Dress Code: No caps, sportswear, or hooded tops. Jeans and trainers are permitted. Over 18s only - ID required. Loop Lounge, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ. 020 8760 7000 www.looplounge.co.uk • Games: Poker Night Poker at the Jolly Farmers. The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Rd, Purley Surrey CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Club: Half Price Mondays 50% off all drinks (excluding champagne) from 7pm til midnight. Free entry before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar

• Group: Croydon Natural History and Scientific Society meets on most Monday evenings from 19:45 at the Small Hall of the United Reform Church in Addiscombe Grove, East Croydon. For more information about the society go to www.greig51.freeserve.co.uk/cnhss/index. htm#about

Every Tuesday: • Music: Jazz Jam Session Every Tuesday Night at The Lord Napier Jazz Pub. All welcome. The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath. 020 8653 2286 • Sport: Roller Derby Monks Hill Sports Centre 9-10pm Also croydon roller derby are taking on new skaters so anyone who's Interested please contact us at fenrisflyers@gmail.com or deathpixie666@hotmail.com • Quiz: The Good Companions Wendy’s marvellous pub quiz travels to Hamsey Green every Tuesday from 8pm. The Good Companions, Hamsey Green, Croydon. • Quiz: The Pembroke 8pm. 50p per person per round. Plus 2 for 1 on pizzas. The Pembroke, 12-16 Chipstead Valley Road, Coulsdon, CR5 2RA 020 8763 0800 • Quiz: The Builders Arms Fun general knowledge quiz. The Builders Arms, 65 Leslie Park Road, Croydon, CR0 6TP, 020 8654 1803 • Club: Cheap Sheep Tuesdays DJ Magoo plays the most ripe Electro, DnB, Dubstep, Indie and Ska while you enjoy £1.50 PINTS, £1.25 SPIRIT MIXERS, £1 SHOTS + £2.50 VODKA RED BULL ALL NIGHT. Doors 7pm til late, FREE ENTRY before 9pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com • Music: Freedom of Expression presents the best in acoustic music, comedy, poetry and magic - see daily what’s on for who’s playing when. From 8pm. FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Fitness: Yoga Classes Every Tuesday from 7.30pm-9pm. £5 a class for 6 sessions. Beginners welcome. 140 Brighton Road, Purley. 0208 763 2629 • Dance: Strictly Fun Dancing Ballroom Dancing every Tuesday. Beginners - 7pm. £6 Improvers - 7.45pm. £6 Social Dance - 8.30pm. £7 21

Buy two sessions for £11, 3 for £16. Arnham Gallery, Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, CR9 1DG. Box Office: 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Community: Women-Only Swimming Sessions South Norwood pool: Tuesdays 8-10pm. The cost for a non-member adult swim is £3.30 per hour. For further information on membership, activities, prices and timetables go to www.fusionlifestyle.com/contracts/Croydon_Council

Every Wednesday: • Museum: East Surrey Museum Open 10am-5pm Wednesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays Permanent Galleries: Local History The development of our area from earliest times. It contains sections on Geology and fossils, Stone Ages, Bronze and Iron Ages, the Romans in East Surrey, an Anglo-Saxon corner, medieval times and modern history. Also stages various transient exhibitions. Admission is free but donations are welcomed. East Surrey Museum, 1 Stafford Road Caterham, CR3 6JG. 01883 340 275 www.eastsurreymuseum.org • Quiz: Mike K’s General Knowledge Quiz From 9.00pm Mike K’s general knowledge quiz, non-members welcome! Caterham Club, 10A, Croydon Road, Caterham CR36QB • Quiz: Foxley Hatch Every Wednesday from 8pm. £1 entry per person - winner takes all. Maximum 4 on a team. The Foxley Hatch, Purley • Event: Talent Night Talent Night Open Mic. Every Wednesday. £200 prize! The Whyteleafe Tavern, 208 Godstone Road, Whyteleafe, CR3 0EE www.whyteleafetavern.com • Pool: American 8-Ball Pool Competition Test your pool skills against Croydon’s finest pool players as we launch a new weekly cash prize competition that will also see players gaining ranking points to become Croydon’s number 1 pool player. 10 Week Ranking League Cash Prizes - £10 Entry Fee Weekly knock out competition • Winner receives 75% of entry pot (remaining 25% to go towards ranking league) • Best of 3 frames • Semi final and final best of 5 frames 10 Week Ranking League • Points given for progress in weekly

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What’s On - Regular Weekly Events: knock out competition. • Winner receives 75% of total pot • Runner up receives 25% of total pot Half price drinks 5-7pm Midday until midnight. Dress: No caps, sportswear, or hooded tops. Jeans and trainers are permitted. Over 18s only - ID required. Loop Lounge, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ. 020 8760 7000 www.looplounge.co.uk • Poker: King Of Clubs Loop Lounge Poker Night: It's the standard Texas Hold’em format that we all know and love. This night is open to all Loop Lounge members. To register an interest and book a place at our tables please visit our website. Open Midday until midnight Half price on all drinks: Monday to Thursday 5pm to 7pm, Fridays 5pm to 9pm Open Midday until 11pm. FREE entry. Dress: No caps, sportswear, or hooded tops. Jeans and trainers are permitted. Over 18s only - ID required. Loop Lounge, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ. 020 8760 7000 www.looplounge.co.uk • Dance: Dancercise Keep fit and meet new people at this fun and friendly beginners dance class. Come and join the fun every Wednesday. 7.30pm. £3.50. Central Court, Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Dance: Swing Patrol swing dance classes, 7pm, £5. The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Club: Dub Kulture heavy vinyl dubstep collective, featuring controller PISTONSBENEATH and guest DJS. Doors 8pm til late, FREE ENTRY before 10pm, £2 after. CHEAP SHEEP drinks deals 8-11pm. £1.50 pints, £1.25 spirit mixers, £1 shots, £2.50 vodka Red Bull. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Event: Film & Food plus... Films & Food every week, Poker, Rock Quiz night and Live comedy on monthly rotation See www.myspace.com/screamstudios or daily listings for what's on and when 8pm, Free Entry Scream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN • Music: FREE Classical Concerts Free lunchtime classical music performances at the Clocktower Croydon.

All performances start at 1.30pm. Bring your own picnic, wear a tux if you like, or just come as you are and enjoy your lunch in the incredible unique setting of the Braithwaite Hall at The Clocktower, a grade 2 listed building, island of heritage in Croydon’s town centre. George Mayne will present a specially curated free programme of some his favourite classical pieces every Wednesday lunchtime throughout August. The Clocktower Cafe is launching a special offer to celebrate these lunchtime recitals with 20% off all hot meals and a special High Tea consisting of mini sandwiches, tea, scome and clotted cream for £3.95 after the concert. Braithwaite Hall, Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon. www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Sport: Brighton Dogs Every Wednesday afternoon - Greyhound Racing. Doors 1pm. More info from www. brightonandhovegreyhoundstadium.co.uk • Music: Liquid Drum ‘n’ Bass Every Wednesday evening. Taberners Lounge Bar, St George’s Walk, Croydon. www.tabernersloungebar.com • Social: Croydon D&S Social Club NEW! ARE YOU DIVORCED - SEPARATED - or WIDOWED ? ARE YOU LONELY Stuck indoors with nowhere to go? THEN THIS IS THE CLUB FOR YOU!!! Why not come along and give it a try Plenty of Car parking spaces DISCO, DANCING and VARIOUS EVENTS during the year - Car rally, Darts Tournament, Saturday Dances, Days out, Weekends away, Outings to Warners, Yarmouth, Isle of Wight, etc. etc Whatever your age, we get lonely Why not meet new people, make new friends and enjoy yourselves. Bring your own alcohol No admittance after 10.00pm Smart Jeans - NO TRAINERS Membership £10 per year Wednesday Admission £3.00 Every Wednesday evening. 8-11pm. St Mary's Church hall, Wellesley Road Croydon opposite Station Road Near West Croydon Bus/Tram/Train Station. www.croydon-ds.co.uk

Every Thursday: • Museum: East Surrey Museum Open 10am-5pm Wednesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. See every Wednesday. East Surrey Museum, 1 Stafford Road Caterham, CR3 6JG. 01883 340 275 www.eastsurreymuseum.org 22

• Tattoos: Walk-In Day No need to book in advance on a Thursday only at Sims, get there early! 11am-6pm. Sims Tattoos, 69 Windmill Road, Croydon, CR0 2XR, 020 8684 6967 • Quiz: Two Brewers From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Quiz: Purley Arms Every Thursday. Purley Arms, 345 Brighton Road, South Croydon, 020 8686 3792 • Quiz: JF Big Quiz £1 per player, win prizes, league points, and maybe cash in our Open The Box game! New teams always welcome. The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Rd, Purley Surrey CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Music: Metal Thursday Metal Night at Scream Lounge At least 3 top notch local and touring metal acts every week at Scream, including regular Grindhouse nights sponsored by Terrorizer metal magazine. Door price includes free entry to Black Sheep Bar rock night before 11pm See www.myspace.com/screamstudios or daily listings for what's on and when. Scream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN • Quiz: Crown and Sceptre From 9pm. Crown and Sceptre, 32 Junction Road, South Croydon, 020 8688 8037 • Club: ALT.X Rock / Metal / Alternative with DJ Tony X plus guests. CHEAP SHEEP drinks deals till 10pm, plus £1 shots of Jager all night! FREE ENTRY before 10pm, doors 7pm.. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: Live Blues Live blues at The Oval - see daily what’s on for who’s playing when. Every Thursday and Sunday. Bands start 8pm Thursdays, 5.30pm Sundays. FREE entry! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, Croydon, CR0 6BR. 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Music: Live Jazz Check monthly regular events for who’s playing when. 8.15pm to 11pm. FREE! The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Dance: Clog Dancing Free taster sessions for newcomers to try out some lively N.W. English clog team dances - wear trainers or similar footwear. Musicians with portable acoustic

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What’s On - Regular Weekly Events: instruments always welcome too. PLEASE CALL BEFORE HEADING OUT, as some Thursdays this night is not on. 8.30 pm. FREE! Call 020 8654 5211/020 8657 4056 (eves.) for details United Reformed Church Hall, corner Enmore/Cobden Road, S. Norwood • Dance: Morris Dancing North Wood Morris Men are teaching Men's Morris to complete beginners on Thursday evenings at the Scout Hut in Purley Park Road at 8.15 pm and newcomers are welcome (first call 020 8668 1830) see www.northwoodmorris.org.uk • Dance: The South East London Lindy Hop Club Come and learn to dance Lindy Hop (Jitterbug) like they did in the 1940's. No partner required and Caron and Steve specialise in helping those with two left feet get together with those with two right. Doors open 7.30pm Beginners Class 7.45pm Intermediate Class 8.30pm Freestyle (practice) 9.15pm The Royston Club, 85 Royston Road Penge, London, SE20 7QW www.52ndstreetjump.co.uk • Club: Playhouse House music now has a home A new weekly night takes form in the guise of PlayHouse. Bringing in fresh talent and fresh sounds this is the official start to every weekend. Playhouse drinks promotions all night. 9.30pm until 2.30am Entry £5 or guest list £3 For guest list email full names and date in advance to thursdays@looplounge.co.uk R.O.A.R. Smart/Casual Dress. Strictly Over 18 years of age only; photo ID is required Loop Lounge, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ. 020 8760 7000 www.looplounge.co.uk • Gay: Quiz New every Thursday, quiz night at The Bird. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.com • Sport: Brighton Dogs Every Thursday night - Greyhound Racing. Doors 6.30pm. More info from www. brightonandhovegreyhoundstadium.co.uk • Club: Liquid Thursdays Any drink, all day £2! (large £1 extra) Music policy: Live DJ mixing Liquid Drum & Base from DJ Phyco. Come and try some of our complimentary tasty Nachos (while stcoks last). Taberners Lounge Bar, St George’s Walk, Croydon. www.tabernersloungebar.com

Every Friday: • Music: DJs Every Friday Night The Folly, 13-15 Selsdon Road, Croydon, 020 8688 3920 • Music: Live Music Alternating live bands and karaoke every Friday Night The Bedford Tavern, 16 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EF, 020 8688 2584 • Karaoke: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8.30pm every Friday night. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Music: Oval DJs The regular Oval faves, plus guests, keeping Fridays funky. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, Croydon, CR0 6BR 020 8686 6023, www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Music: Live Music Every Friday night from 8pm. Plus 2 for 1 on Corona and Jacques. The Pembroke, 12-16 Chipstead Valley Road, Coulsdon, CR5 2RA 020 8763 0800 • Event: Wii Night Every Friday evening. The View, 188 selsdon Road, South Croydon, CR2 6PL, 020 8688 2315. • Club: WTF? our decades of Indie, Alternative, Electro and Punk hits from DJ Zoe Urchin. CHEAP SHEEP drinks deals till 9pm. Doors 7pm, FREE ENTRY before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Photography: Camera Club Camera Club meeting in West Croydon every Friday night welcomes visitors and new members. Full programme of events including print/slide talks, portrait evenings, competitions, etc. Ample parking. Contact Colin on 020 8665 1678. Visit www.thorntonheathcameraclub.co.uk • Sport: Wimbledon Dogs Every Friday night - Greyhound Racing. First race 7.30pm The turnstiles open at 6:30pm and the restaurant doors open at 6:30pm. General Admission Prices If you just want to turn up on the night the prices are: * Adults: £5.00 (including racecard) * Children 12 - 17: £3.00 (no race card) * Children under 11: Free (no race card) Please note, pushchairs and buggies are not permitted in the Stadium. Loads of admission offers and more info at 23

www.lovethedogs.co.uk GRA Wimbledon Stadium, Plough Lane, London, SW17 0BL Stadium Telephone: 0870 880 1000 • Club: Old Skool Garage Every Friday loop lounge brings you a night of old skool garage classics with the cheapest drinks promotion in Croydon. Residents DJ Kure and Stan da Man take to the decks with special guest MCs every week. For table bookings, vip and info, please email bookings@looplounge.co.uk Resident DJs DJ Kure Stan da Man Guest MCs every week Drinks promotions all night 10pm until 3am Entry £5 Loop Lounge is an over 18s venue, photo ID is required by all. No ID, no entry. Loop Lounge, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ. 020 8760 7000 www.looplounge.co.uk • Club: Blow Techno, Electronic, Drum ‘n’ Bass, Dubstep, House, Mash Up across 3 rooms. Every Friday 10pm til super-late. £8 adv, £10 on the door. Egg, 200 York Way, King’s Cross, London N1 • Sport: Brighton Dogs Every Friday lunchtime - Greyhound Racing. Doors 10.30am. More info from www. brightonandhovegreyhoundstadium.co.uk

Every Saturday: • Museum: East Surrey Museum Open 10am-5pm Wednesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays See every Wednesday. East Surrey Museum, 1 Stafford Road Caterham, CR3 6JG. 01883 340 275 www.eastsurreymuseum.org • Music: Various Live music every Saturday Night. The Surrey Cricketers, corner of Lower Coombe Street and West Street, Croydon. • Market: Garden Market The Alma Garden Market hopes to create a vibrant bustling market place in the large private courtyard of The Alma pub in Crystal Palace. It runs every Saturday with over 20 stalls selling plants & flowers, beauty products & treatments, exotic oils, olive oils, capers, strawberries, chocolates, jewellery, hand made cards, rugs, leatherwear, knitwear, deli produce & a wide range of arts & crafts from local artists, plus hot food and collectables - and the Jerk Chicken man will be there!

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What’s On - Weekly Events / Daily Guide: 10am - 4pm The Alma, 95 Church Road, Crystal Palace, London SE19 www.thealmapub.com • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday Night Portmanor, Portland Road, South Norwood, SE25 4UF, 020 8655 1308 • Club: Linton Dance bombs. Funk Rockets. Beat-seeking missiles. Never outgunned. The biggest dancefloor monsters from DJ LINTON. Because it's war on the dancefloor. CHEAP SHEEP drinks deals till 9pm. Doors 7pm, FREE ENTRY before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Tiger Tiger Tiger and Raffles Bar: with Capital FM Des Paul and Chris Brooks playing out the best in commercial party and dance anthems.Groovy Wonderland: 70’s and 80’s floor fillers. Club: Commercial House. Admission free before 10pm, £7 after. Guestlist free before 11pm, £5 after. Dress code: Dress to Impress - No Sportswear. Tiger Tiger, 14-16 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1GT. 020 8662 4949. www.tigertigercroydon.co.uk • Music: New Orleans Jazz Quality live jazz every Saturday Night. From 8.30pm. £6 entry includes free raffle. Blackheath Hockey Club, Rubens Street, Sydenham, SE6 4DH (behind Old Rutland Pub) • Music: Various Live music most Saturday nights. The Good Companions, Hamsey Green, South Croydon. 020 8657 6655 • Gay: Party Night Every Saturday nigt is party night at The Bird. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.com • Burlesque: Tassel Club Tassel Club Supper Club. Contact reservations@proud.co.uk for direct bookings Proud Cabaret, London. www.proud.co.uk • Sport: Wimbledon Dogs Every Friday night - Greyhound Racing. First race 7.30pm The turnstiles open at 6:30pm and the restaurant doors open at 6:30pm. General Admission Prices If you just want to turn up on the night the prices are: * Adults: £5.00 (including racecard) * Children 12 - 17: £3.00 (no race card) * Children under 11: Free (no race card) Please note, pushchairs and buggies are not permitted in the Stadium.

Loads of admission offers and more info at www.lovethedogs.co.uk GRA Wimbledon Stadium, Plough Lane, London, SW17 0BL Stadium Telephone: 0870 880 1000 • Sport: Brighton Dogs Every Saturday night - Greyhound Racing. Doors 6.30pm. More info from www. brightonandhovegreyhoundstadium.co.uk • Kids: Storytime with Jenny Lockyer Stories, songs, puppetry, activities and lots of fun! It's aimed at 3-7 year olds, but all are welcome! It's every Saturday and it's FREE! 1pm-3pm. Upstairs at the Green Dragon 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1NA • Community: Women-Only Swimming Sessions Thornton Heath pool: Saturday 4.45 6.45pm. New Addington pool: Saturdays 2.30-3.30pm. The cost for a non-member adult swim is £3.30 per hour. For further information on membership, activities, prices and timetables go to www.fusionlifestyle.com/contracts/Croydon_Council

Every Sunday: • Music: New Orleans Jazz Every Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at The Lord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dance floor, raffle, great atmosphere at one of the longest running Jazz Pubs in Great Britain The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath. 020 8653 2286 • Music: Live Jazz Lunchtime Jazz every Sunday from 1pm. See daily what’s on for who’s playing this month. FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Live Blues Live blues at The Oval - see daily what’s on for who’s playing when. Every Thursday and Sunday. Bands start 8pm Thursdays, 5.30pm Sundays. FREE entry! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, Croydon, CR0 6BR 020 8686 6023 www.ovaltavern.co.uk • Quiz: The View Every Sunday evening. The View, 188 selsdon Road, South Croydon, CR2 6PL, 020 8688 2315. • Quiz: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8pm. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF 24

• Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Quiz: The Spread Eagle Fun quiz with round prizes as well as main prize. £1 per person. From 7pm. The Spread Eagle, 39-41 Katharine St, Croydon, CR0 1NX, 020 8781 1134 • Karaoke: The White Horse Every Sunday Night from 7pm. The White Horse, 1 Selhurst Road, Selhurst, South Norwood, 020 8240 0948 • Music: Open Mic Musicians (all instruments) welcome. With one of our 4 fantastic hosts: Dave Mac, Rob Cushman, Neil Mac and Steve Bright The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Poker: The Alma Tavern From 6pm. The Alma Tavern, Lower Addiscombe Road, Addiscombe, East Croydon • Music: Acoustic Sundays From classical to folk, poetry to unplugged punk rock, Scream Lounge's acoustic nights guarantee you a night to remember. Most evenings are free entry, don't run late, so you won't ruin your week with a Monday hangover! 7pm start. See www.myspace.com/screamstudios or daily listings for what's on and when. Scream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN • Music: Sunday Jazz Lunch From midday until 4pm every Sunday, why not come down for a delicious roast dinner straight from the club’s acclaimed kitchens (not compulsory for entry but highly recommended!) and enjoy a couple of sets of laid back music from some of London’s best musicians and singers. Ronnie Scott's Jazz Club, 47 Frith Street, London W1D 4HT Box Office: 020 7439 0747 www.ronniescotts.co.uk • Sport: Roller Derby Monks Hill Sports Centre 2pm till 4pm Also croydon roller derby are taking on new skaters so anyone who's Interested please contact us at fenrisflyers@gmail.com or deathpixie666@hotmail.com • Gay: Open The Box Every Sunday at 7pm. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.com • Sport: Brighton Dogs Every Friday lunchtime - Greyhound Racing. Doors 11am. More info from brightonandhovegreyhoundstadium. co.uk

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What’s On - Daily Guide: • Community: Women-Only Swimming Sessions Purley pool: Sundays 2.30-3.30pm. The cost for a non-member adult swim is £3.30 per hour. For further information on membership, activities, prices and timetables go to www.fusionlifestyle.com/contracts/Croydon_Council

............................. Thu 07 April • Sport: Grand National Meeting Jumps horse racing from Aintree. Liverpool Day. Big race over the National fences Foxhunters' Steeple chase. Tickets and info from: www.aintree.co.uk • Sport: The Masters Golf From Augusta National Golf Club, Augusta, Georgia, United States. Showing on BBC TV. • Music: Golden Tanks, Forever Wednesday, The Valiant Frantic Promotions Present: Golden Tanks, Forever Wednesday, The Valiant, (Metal/Hardcore) Doors 8pm, £5 entry Scream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN, 020 8667 0155, www.screamlounge.com • Theatre: Lockerbie THE DAVID BENSON SEASON Three plays in repertoire written and performed by the multi award-winning David Benson. More info from the warehouse theatre website. 7.30pm Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, East Croydon, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk

Fri 08 • Sport: The Masters Golf From Augusta National Golf Club, Augusta, Georgia, United States. Showing on BBC TV. • Sport: Grand National Meeting Jumps horse racing from Aintree. Ladies Day. Big race over the National fences John Smith’s Topham Steeple chase. Tickets and info from: www.aintree.co.uk • Music: Friday Night Showcase A new regular night showcasing the best local bands of all genres, old and new, FREE OF CHARGE this week... Junkyard Choir plus more tbc (Alt/Rock/Blues) Starts 8pm - UPSTAIRS FREE ENTRYScream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN, 020 8667 0155, www.screamlounge.com

• Music: The B Sharps 9.30. The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Music: DJ Dean From 8pm. FREE! The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1QD, www.marstonstaverns.co.uk/Croydon/Ship • Theatre: Frankie Howerd THE DAVID BENSON SEASON Three plays in repertoire written and performed by the multi award-winning David Benson. More info from the warehouse theatre website. 7.30pm Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, East Croydon, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk • Club: Harold’s Birthday Bash! £5.00 entrance fee to public. 10.00pm - 4.00am. Taberners Lounge Bar, St George’s Walk, Croydon. www.tabernersloungebar.com • Music: Pure Evil with Jonny Bolax Join the delectable DJ JONNNY BOLAX this Friday at the Oval Tavern, for a shplendiferous evening of song and dance, as he fingers his way through a mouthwatering buffet of frug-out classics for your glistening pleasure. 8pm-midnite, free admission. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon

Sat 09 • Sport: The Masters Golf From Augusta National Golf Club, Augusta, Georgia, United States. Showing on BBC TV. • Sport: The Grand National The greatest horse race in the world. 4.15pm. Live on BBC tv. Tickets and info from: www.aintree.co.uk • Sport: Lingfield Races Flat horse racing - all weather. Direct train from East Croydon. More info and tickets from www.lingfield-racecourse.co.uk Spring Family Fun day featuring the International Trial. • Sport: Ipswich Town v Crystal Palace Championship football. Kick off 3pm. Tickets and info from www.cpfc.co.uk. • Poetry: Poets Anonymous Saturday Poetry in the Primary Room, United Reformed Church, Addiscombe Grove, Croydon, Surrey, CR0 5LP. 2.304.00pm. £2.00. Bring your poetry to read and share. All welcome. Contact Peter for further details; peter@poetsanon.org.uk, 020 8645 9956. 25

• Music: Junk Time Party It’s JTP’s 10th Birthday! Expect a MASSIVE party, great tunes, madness and a bloody good time had by all. 8.30pm. FREE entry. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon • Music: Dr Smutglove presents... A night of dirty, interactive rock, featuring Live Band Karaoke with Dr Smutglove & Commissioner G plus Playstation Rock Band challenge - On the main stage, turned up to 11! DOWNSTAIRS Starts 8pm FREE ENTRY Scream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN, 020 8667 0155, www.screamlounge.com • Music: Passionate Affair 9.30. The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Music: DJ Rob Delta playing psychedelia, soul and funk, 8pm. FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: DJ Dean From 8pm. FREE! The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1QD, www.marstonstaverns.co.uk/Croydon/Ship • Theatre: Kenneth Williams THE DAVID BENSON SEASON Three plays in repertoire written and performed by the multi award-winning David Benson. More info from the warehouse theatre website. 7.30pm Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, East Croydon, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk • Club: Get Licked with DJ huckleberry Fin (£5.00 entrance fee ) 9.00pm-4.00am Taberners Lounge Bar, St George’s Walk, Croydon. www.tabernersloungebar.com

Sun 10 • Sport: The Masters Golf From Augusta National Golf Club, Augusta, Georgia, United States. Showing on BBC TV. • Music: Dave O'Higgins Quartet Lunchtime Jazz with the Dave O'Higgins Quartet, 1pm, Free! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub

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What’s On - Daily Guide: • Music: Acoustic Sunday with Dan Mulcahy, Bella Kadarsis, Joel Bullen, Hil Walters, & more tbc LIVE IN THE LOUNGE BAR Starts 7pm. FREE ENTRY Scream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN, 020 8667 0155, www.screamlounge.com • Theatre: Lockerbie THE DAVID BENSON SEASON Three plays in repertoire written and performed by the multi award-winning David Benson. More info from the warehouse theatre website. 5pm Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, East Croydon, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk • Music: Delta Ladies Imagine the high lonesome sound of a mountain fiddle and bluegrass guitar, the knife edge of Delta slide guitar, the fluid jazz violin of Stephan Grapelli, add an amazing range of instruments and a stunning array of songs and you have the DELTA LADIES.. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon • Music: Roger Fullilove & Singers Night Floorsingers & musicians welcome. ONLY £2. Everybody welcome! Croydon Folk and Blues Club, Ruskin House, Coombe Road, Croydon, www.folkandblues.org • Nature: Crystal Palace Bird Walk Free guided bird walk around Crystal Palace Park. Join the Rangers for a gentle walk discovering the variety of wild birds that frequent Crystal Palace Park. Meet at the Information Centre, Crystal Palace Park, Thicket Road, Penge, SE20 8DT, Time: 9am-10:30am. FREE! More info Phone: 020 8778 7148

Mon 11 • Sport: Plumpton Races Jumps horse racing. Direct train from East Croydon. More info and tickets from www.plumptonracecourse.co.uk • Film: You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger (12a) Part of ‘The Last Picture Show’. 2011 US 98Mins. Director: Woody Allen Stars: Anthony Hopkins, Naomi Watts and Josh Brolin Unsurprisingly Woody Allen has always been popular at the David Lean, this is his latest romantic comedy which follows a pair of married couples Alfie and Helena their daughter Sally and husband Roy) as their passions, ambitions, and anxieties lead them into trouble and out of their minds. After Alfie leaves Helena to pursue

his lost youth and a free-spirited call girl, Helena abandons rationality and surrenders her life to the loopy advice of a charlatan fortune teller. Unhappy in her marriage, Sally develops a crush on her handsome art gallery owner boss, while Roy, a novelist nervously awaiting the response to his latest manuscript, becomes moonstruck over a mysterious woman . *Contains infrequent strong language, moderate sex references and violence. 1.30pm & 6pm. Full Price £7.30, Concessions £4.80 Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon. www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Film: This Prison Where I Live + Q & A with Director Rex Bloomstein Part of ‘The Last Picture Show’. 91Mins. Director: Rex Bloomstein This is a film about two comedians. Maung Thura, better known as Zarganar, is Burma's greatest living comic. Relentlessly victimised by the Burmese military junta, he is now in prison. Michael Mittermeier, in stark contrast, is free to practise his art of humour and provocation as one of Germany's leading stand up comedians. Two men joined by comedy and separated by repression. We are joined by the Director Rex Bloomstein for a Q & A after the screening. 8pm. Full Price £7.30, Concessions £4.80 Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon. www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Music: ALL AGES Rock Night Pins & Puppets + more tbc All-ages welcome. Under 14s must be accompanied by a paying adult No alcohol permitted in the live room UPSTAIRS. 7pm - 10pm. £4 entry Scream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN, 020 8667 0155, www.screamlounge.com • Music: Acoustic Night ask at the bar in advance if you want to take part The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1QD, www.marstonstaverns.co.uk/Croydon/Ship • Club: Soap Company DJs Exotic Sounds, Altered Grooves & Alien Beats. Visuals /Films to be decided on the night... All kindsa stuff being played... IDM / Funk / Disco / J-Pop / Chanson / Ambient / Cinematic / Indie / Wonk / Dub / Fried / DreamPop / Exotica / Daddy-O / Prog / Rope-A-Dope / Hip-Hop / Chiptune / DNB / Post Punk / Spliffbeats / Afrobeat / Acid / New Wave / Art Rock / Laurel Canyon / Tribal / House / Psych / Ze Check our mixes to get a taste, we'll play it if we've got it :) 26

http://mixcloud.com/thesoapcompany Free Entry before 10 - £2 after 50% off all drinks (excluding champagne) from 7pm til midnight Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar

Tue 12 • Sport: Leicester City v Crystal Palace Championship football. Kick off 7.45pm. Tickets and info from www.cpfc.co.uk. • Film: You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger (12a) See Monday 11th April. 1.30pm & 3pm. Full Price £7.30, Concessions £4.80 Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon. www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Music: Freedom of Expression eaturing live acoustic sets from Trombone Poetry, Gagarin and Fit and the Conniptions, 8pm, Free! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: ALL AGES Rock Night with The Theory Of Six Degrees, Press To Meco, more tbc (Rock). All-ages welcome. Under 14s must be accompanied by a paying adult. No alcohol permitted in the live room. DOWNSTAIRS. 7pm - 10pm. £4 entry Scream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN, 020 8667 0155, www.screamlounge.com • Games: Wii Games Night The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1QD, www.marstonstaverns.co.uk/Croydon/Ship • Theatre: Frankie Howerd THE DAVID BENSON SEASON Three plays in repertoire written and performed by the multi award-winning David Benson. More info from the warehouse theatre website. 6.30pm Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, East Croydon, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk

Wed 13 • Kids: Super Masks! Family craft workshop 11am-1pm and 2-4pm. Free, drop-in. Enjoy family time together in a relaxed environment: create a fantastic mask or bonnet to take home. Suitable for children of all ages and their parents/carers. For drop in events, places will be allocated on a first come first served basis on the day. In family workshops, all children must

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What’s On - Daily Guide: be accompanied by a responsible adult and all adults must be accompanied by a child. Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon. www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Film: You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger (12a) See Monday 11th April. 8pm. Full Price £7.30, Concessions £4.80 Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon. www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Film: Double Bill - Blithe Spirit & Tea With Mussolini + T with David Lean? Double Bill: T with a Twist at the David Lean? After the double bill, with our compliments, join us for T with David Lean in the Braithwaite Hall at the Clocktower Tea Dance. Blithe Spirit (UK): 1945 UK 95 Mins Director: David Lean, Stars: Rex Harrison, Constance Cummings, Margaret Rutherford. Out and out one of our favourite David Leans! An English novelist, Charles and his new wife invite a spiritualist medium for dinner in the hope of gathering enough material together for his latest book. However, a series of incidents occur during the course of the evening caused by a medium, the brilliant Margaret Rutherford, which result in Charles' first wife Elvira ret urning from the grave to make his life more than a little difficult and wreak havoc on his new marriage. 2pm Tea With Mussolini (PG): 1999 Italy UK 112 Mins, Director: Franco Zeffirelli Stars: Cher, Judi Dench, Joan Plowright, Maggie Smith, Lily Tomlin Set in Tuscany from 1932-45 the film spins the range of Italy’s fascist regime the outbreak of WWII and the arrival of peace. Five ladies take under their wing a young man. The story, scripted by John Mortimer is based on a fragment of Franco Zefferelli's memoirs. 4pm There will be a short interlude between films. Starts 2pm. Full Price £12.50, Concessions £8 Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon. www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Comedy: Free Live Comedy night Our monthly comedy nights continue with a line-uop of top touring UK comics. Hosted by Pete K Mally. UPSTAIRS Starts 8pm. FREE Entry Scream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN, 020 8667 0155, www.screamlounge.com • Theatre: Lockerbie THE DAVID BENSON SEASON Three plays in repertoire written and performed by the multi award-winning David Benson. More info from the warehouse theatre website. 7.30pm

Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, East Croydon, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk • Music: Midweek Music Club OTT …….. the band. The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Music: Rökkurró DOORS: 8pm. ADM: £5adv AGE LIMIT: Over 18s only Live acts: Rökkurró (Iceland) + Inca Gold + more Genre: alternative/pop/ambient Windmill Brixton, 22 Blenheim Gardens, London SW2 5BZ. 020 8671 0700 www.windmillbrixton.co.uk

Thu 14 • Kids: Creative portraits - family craft workshop 11am-1pm and 2-4pm. Free, drop-in. Have fun sticking and gluing a special portrait to take home. This uses a very simple but surprising technique! Suitable for all ages of children and their parents/carers. For drop in events, places will be allocated on a first come first served basis on the day. In family workshops, all children must be accompanied by a responsible adult and all adults must be accompanied by a child. Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon. www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Film: You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger (12a) See Monday 11th April. 8.15pm. Full Price £7.30, Concessions £4.80 Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon. www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Film: Gosford Park (15) The Most Popular Film ever screened at the David Lean 2001 UK 136 Mins, Director: Robert Altman, Stars: Stephen Fry, Richard E Grant, Helen Mirren, Emily Watson, Kristen Scott, Maggie Smith Set in the 1930's, this murder, mystery, satire revolves around an elegant hunting party weekend at an English Country estate, bringing together an aristocratic family and their friends - and possibly killers. Packed with David Lean favourites a - la Agatha Christie. Written by Julian Fellowes. 1.30pm & 5.30pm. Full Price £7.30, Concessions £4.80 Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon. www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Music: Neverify + Bleed To This + Treason + Forever Exiled Bleed To This Presents: Neverify, Bleed To This, Treason, Forever Exiled. (Metal). 27

UPSTAIRS. Starts 8pm. £4 entry Scream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN, 020 8667 0155, www.screamlounge.com • Music: We Lie Beneath Live music The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1QD, www.marstonstaverns.co.uk/Croydon/Ship • Theatre: Frankie Howerd THE DAVID BENSON SEASON Three plays in repertoire written and performed by the multi award-winning David Benson. More info from the warehouse theatre website. 7.30pm Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, East Croydon, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk

Fri 15 • Sport: Chinese Grand Prix From Shanghai. Practice one 0300-0430; Practice two - 0700-0830 • Sport: Brighton Races Flat horse racing - turf. Direct train from East Croydon. Free bus from Brighton station to the course. First Race: 4:30 PM Last Race: 7:40 PM Entry to this meeting is FREE! if you book online. www.brighton-racecourse.co.uk • Film: Brighton Rock (15) 2010 UK 111 Mins. Director: Rowan Joffe Stars: Helen Mirren, John Hurt and Andy Serkis Joffe's updates the original setting of the film from 1947 to 1964, when mods and rockers brought their tribal differences to the beach. Pier-lurking thug Pinkie Brown is a self-loathing sociopath, but also a quick study who sees opportunity when his boss is murdered by a rival protection racket. Andrea Riseborough is Rose, the none-too bright tea girl whose testimony could put Pinky and his mates behind bars. Recognising a fellow 'Roman', Pinky insinuates himself into her life but uncharacteristically hesitates to take it. 'You're good, I'm bad - we're made for each other,' he tells her, a line that Greene might have been proud of. 1.30pm & 5.30pm. Full Price £7.30, Concessions £4.80 Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon. www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Film: The Rocky Horror Picture Show (12) + Special guest and come as a character and get a prize for best costume! 1975 UK/US 99 Mins. Director: Jim Sharman, Stars: Tim Curry, Susan Sarandon and Barry Bostwick The weird and wonderful story of a newly

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What’s On - Daily Guide: engaged couple Brad and Janet who encounter a problem when they car breaks down in the rain. They look for help only to find themselves at the castle of Dr. Frank-N-Further, a place to stay is offered, but will Brad and Janet live to regret accepting the invitation? The definition of cult film, if you missed the National Theatres Frankenstein’s production perhaps you ought to see this. Come as a character - there will be a prize for best costume + special guest! 8pm. Full Price £7.30, Concessions £4.80 Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon. www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Music: The Shines Live music from The Shines, upstairs, 8pm, Free! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Dj BennyManyHats playing indie, new wave, garage, ska and reggae, 8pm. FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: The Ramonas (all-girl Ramones Tribute band) plus The Devil Cocks, The Blow-Ups Marking 10 years since the sad passing of Joey Ramone, the girls return to celebrate the music of the best band who ever walked the face of the earth! DOWNSTAIRS. £4 adv. Doors 8pm Scream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN, 020 8667 0155, www.screamlounge.com • Music: DJ Dean The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1QD, www.marstonstaverns.co.uk/Croydon/Ship • Theatre: Kenneth Williams THE DAVID BENSON SEASON Three plays in repertoire written and performed by the multi award-winning David Benson. More info from the warehouse theatre website. 7.30pm Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, East Croydon, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk • Club: Naked beat (drum and bass ) 9.00pm-4.00am Taberners Lounge Bar, St George’s Walk, Croydon. www.tabernersloungebar.com • Music: The Monikers 9.30pm. The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk

Sat 16 • Sport: Chinese Grand Prix Practice three 0400-0500; Qualifying - 0700-0800 • Sport: World Snooker Championship Until May 2nd.. • Sport: Crystal Palace v Scunthorpe Championship football. Kick off 3pm. Tickets and info from www.cpfc.co.uk. • R.I.P: Goodbye David Lean Cinema We know it wasn’t perfect, but still, Croydon Council you should be ashamed of yourselves, we’re ashamed of you. Three last films: • Kids / Film: Gnomeo & Juliet (U) Autism Friendly Screening Garden gnomes Gnomeo and Juliet have as many obstacles to overcome as their quasi namesakes when they are caught up in a feud between neighbours. But with plastic pink flamingos and lawnmower races in the mix, can this young couple find lasting happiness? These screenings are for people with autism and their friends or family. Because of the sensory sensitivities, some people can find going to the cinema difficult. For these screenings the soundtrack is turned down and lights are left on low in the cinema. People with other learning or sensory difficulties are welcome to attend these screenings too. 11.30am. £4. Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon. www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Film: Made In Dagenham (15) 2010 UK 112Mins. Director: Nigel Cole Stars: Sally Hawkins, Rosamund Pike, Miranda Richardson, Bob Hoskins, Jamie Winstone, Rupert Graves, Geraldine James, Roger Lloyd-Pack, John Sessions 1968 Rita lives in Dagenham and, like many local women, she works at the Ford plant stitching seat covers. It's intricate work carried out in sweltering conditions. So why, she wonders, are the workers paid the same as unskilled labourers? Is it because the work is unskilled? Or is it in fact because they are women? Made in Dagenham shows how, at some expense to their family lives, in a country already crippled by strikes, and with a little help from colourful political firebrand Barbara Castle, the Dagenham women managed to overturn an age old hypocrisy. 1.30pm & 5.30pm. Full Price £7.30, Concessions £4.80 Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon. www.croydonclocktower.org.uk

• Film: Etre Et Avoir (U) FRENCH WITH ENGLISH SUBTITLES 2003 France 104 Mins, Director: Nicholas Philibert, Stars: George Lopez Thought provoking and sensitive documentary film that takes a look inside a small, single-classroom primary school in rural France that has become overcrowded due to staffing shortages. The film is a tribute to the innocence of childhood and to the dedication of their teacher, 55-yearold George Lopez. His vocational talent and natural communication skills make him skilfully bring out the best in each child. 8pm. Full Price £7.30, Concessions £4.80 Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon. www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Music: Dj Rob Delta playing psychedelia, soul and funk, 8pm. FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: DJ Dean The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1QD, www.marstonstaverns.co.uk/Croydon/Ship • Theatre: Lockerbie THE DAVID BENSON SEASON Three plays in repertoire written and performed by the multi award-winning David Benson. More info from the warehouse theatre website. 7.30pm Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, East Croydon, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk • Music: Retro 9.30pm. The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Music: We Ghosts A Swedish group playing acoustic ambient indie music with a hint of rock thrown in!. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon. http://ovaltavern.co.uk • Music: DJ Ollie Lailey spinning rare & Northern soul, funk and disco, original 45's for your dancing pleasure till the early hours! Starts 9pm. The Alma, 95 Church Road, Crystal Palace, SE19 2TA www.thealmapub.co.uk

Sun 17 • Sport: Chinese Grand Prix Race - 0800 • Sport: The London Marathon From 9.45am. Showing on BBC TV. More info from: www.virginlondonmarathon.com

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What’s On - Daily Guide: • Music: Simon Spillet All-Star Quartet Lunchtime Jazz with the Simon Spillet AllStar Quartet (BBC Jazz Musician of the Year!) 1pm, Free! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Acoustic Sunday Jam Night Come along and join in! plus open mic Live in the Lounge bar from 7pm FREE ENTRY Scream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN, 020 8667 0155, www.screamlounge.com • Theatre: Kenneth Williams THE DAVID BENSON SEASON Three plays in repertoire written and performed by the multi award-winning David Benson. More info from the warehouse theatre website. 5pm Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, East Croydon, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk • Club: Tease Rooms Burlesque, Cabaret, Comedy. With SLINKY SPARKLES, AURORA GALORE, RUBY DESHABILLE, FRANK SANAZI, DAISY CHAMPAGNE, DOXY MORON and your host THE DIVINE MISS EM. Doors 730pm, £5 advance, £7 door. *PLUS* Learn burlesque with Ruby Deshabille and Burlesquebaby. Introductory class before the show: learn how to tease and tantalise in our special taster lesson, then sit back and enjoy the night! Only £15 for both events. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: Singers Night Floorsingers & musicians and everybody welcome! Croydon Folk and Blues Club, Ruskin House, Coombe Road, Croydon, www.folkandblues.org

Mon 18 • Craft: The Jane Austen Book Club (KNIT & SEW) From 6.30pm (drop in when you like). FREE! The first rule of the Jane Austin Book Club is there is no Book Club. It’s part of a growing number of feisty but friendly knitting and sewing groups taking over the world one stitch at a time. Everyone is welcome. Wallflowers, vixens, vikings, mild-mannered librarians or superheroes. Bring some knitting or sewing and remember our most important rule – relax and unwind (whether it is with a drink or a

ball of wool) and make new friends. For other groups in London check out www.stitchnbitch.org Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon. www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Event: Spring Ale Festival Starts today! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: ALL AGES Metal night Up River, First In/Last Out, Daybreak, Rough Hands. All-ages welcome. Under 14s must be accompanied by a paying adult. No alcohol permitted in the live room. UPSTAIRS. 7pm - 10pm. £4. Scream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN, 020 8667 0155, www.screamlounge.com

Tue 19 • Event: Spring Ale Festival The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Freedom Of Expression is entirely open mic tonight, so insert your name here.........., 8pm, Free! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: ALL AGES band night with Future System, 6VI, plus guests tbc All-ages welcome. Under 14s must be accompanied by a paying adult No alcohol permitted in the live room DOWNSTAIRS. 7pm - 10pm. £4 entry Scream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN, 020 8667 0155, www.screamlounge.com • Games: Wii Games Night The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1QD, www.marstonstaverns.co.uk/Croydon/Ship • Comedy: David Rowan + Brian Gittins Resident compere David Rowan welcomes three hilariously funny Comedians from the UK Comedy Circuit. Headlined by the wonderful Brian Gittins who recently supported Ricky Gervais - this is not a gig to be missed! Doors 8pm, Gig 8.30pm, Disco after until Midnight Pre-book to avoid disappointment Licensed bar * Food available * Free Parking * Over 18s only * £6.00 in advance, £8.00 on the door The Arc, 39 Weston Drive, Caterham, Surrey, CR3 5XY www.the-arc-caterham.co.uk

Wed 20 • Sport: Epsom Races Flat horse racing - turf. Direct train from East Croydon. More info and tickets from www.epsomdowns.co.uk Gates open 12pm. • Event: Spring Ale Festival The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Sin 'n' Tonic + Bleed to This The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1QD, www.marstonstaverns.co.uk/Croydon/Ship • Music: Ron Trueman Border 9pm. The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk

Thu 21 • Event: Spring Ale Festival and New Menu Day The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Special Guest DJ tbc. The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Easter Festival! with: esOterica, Surrounded By Disgust, Mordecai, Slabdragger, Deprevate, Snakebite, Surviving Silence, Bloodloss, Bleed To This (Metal) PART OF OUR 5-DAY EASTER BANK HOLIDAY WEEKEND FESTIVAL Doors 5pm. £5 Entry, £15 for a 5 day pass. Scream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN, 020 8667 0155, www.screamlounge.com • Music: DJ Dean The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1QD, www.marstonstaverns.co.uk/Croydon/Ship • Club: Slaughter House Fetish Ball Slaughterhouse returns to its roots. No theme. No fancy dress. No frills, just filth. Those who wish to take part in acts of an abnormal nature, those who feel comfortable sharing their kinks with others and those who enjoy deviant physical behaviour are welcome. This is not a standard night and as such we will be enforcing a tight policy upon those who wish to enter. The dress-code will be strict fetish-wear only. Doors 8pm til late - £4 before 10pm, £6 after CHEAP SHEEP drinks deals 8-9, £1.50 Jagermeister shots all night Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar

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What’s On - Daily Guide: Fri 22

Sat 23

Sun 24

• Event: Good Friday - Bank Holiday • Sport: Doncaster v Crystal Palace Championship football. Kick off 3pm. Tickets and info from www.cpfc.co.uk. • Kids / Theatre: Wally Watthead Wally Watthead And His Lost Glow is an adventurous theatrical performance for young and old alike. On stage there’s an enlarged version of Polly’s bedside table. On it, we see a cell phone, a bedside lamp and a picture of Polly. All is going well, until, one day, the light bulb on Wally Watthead’s head goes out. Wally’s friend Simon Simcard the multimedia cell phone, tries to help Wally search for his light. Their search is the cue for the magic to commence. Wally Watthead gets up to all sorts of things, like when he relaxes a bit too much - and ends up levitating in the air or shrinking himself down to Lilliput size. Then things get totally out of hand when the object of Wally’s affections, Polly Picture, starts to come to life. 2pm & 7pm. Full Price £10, Concession £8 Family Ticket (1 Adults + 2Children) £25 Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon. www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Event: Spring Ale Festival The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Dj BennyManyHats playing indie, new wave, garage, ska and reggae, 8pm. FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Easter Festival! with: Size Nine, Banned Sauce, Los, Soapy Jefferson, Magic Brother, Thortsen Fears, Jack Nosey, Shonanis, plus more tbc (Funk/Alternative/Rock) PART OF OUR 5-DAY EASTER BANK HOLIDAY WEEKEND FESTIVAL Doors 5pm £5 Entry, £15 for a 5 day pass. Scream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN, 020 8667 0155, www.screamlounge.com • Music: DJ Dean The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1QD, www.marstonstaverns.co.uk/Croydon/Ship • Club: DJ’S Smokey Jo and Martin Jay choice fm DJ’S Smokey Jo and Martin Jay (Timeless classics ) 10.00pm-4.00am Taberners Lounge Bar, St George’s Walk, Croydon. www.tabernersloungebar.com

• Event: St George’s Day • Event: Shakespeare’s Birthday • Event: Spring Ale Festival The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Event: St George’s Day at The Dragon! We'll have proper English grub, Dragonthemed ales, George and the Dragonthemed Storytime (1pm, free) and 'This is England' night with Djs Ziggy and HoundDogGeoff... The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Event: St George’s Day at the Market Celebrations down Surry Street including Morris Dancers. All day. Surrey Street Market, Surrey Street, Croydon • Event: St George’s Day Party 12 noon til 12 midnight. The Royal Standard, 1 Sheldon Street, Croydon, www.royalstandard-croydon.co.uk • Event: St George’s Day Party St George’s Day drinks offers, 11am-3pm. Mayoral visit at 1pm. Loads of other activities planned for the day. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Event: St George’s Day Party Drinks deals all day The Brief, George Street, Croydon • Music: Easter Festival! with: Bad Sign, The Lost Audio, The Merry Gang, Tilt At Windmills, Electric Trees, Polaris Condition, Backyard Bully, plus more tbc (Rock/Indie/Alternative) PART OF OUR 5-DAY EASTER BANK HOLIDAY WEEKEND FESTIVAL Doors 5pm £5 Entry, £15 for a 5 day pass. Scream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN, 020 8667 0155, www.screamlounge.com • Event: Easter Bunnies Fancy Dress With DJ Swedish The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1QD, www.marstonstaverns.co.uk/Croydon/Ship • Music: Hats off to Led Zepplin Hats off to Led Zeppelin’ have established themselves as one of the UK’s finest tributes to the greatest rock band in the world. You’ll feel like you’ve traveled back in time when you experience these four top class musicians on stage, recreating Led Zeppelin’s magical concerts. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon. http://ovaltavern.co.uk

• Sport: Plumpton Races Jumps horse racing. Direct train from East Croydon. More info and tickets from www.plumptonracecourse.co.uk Easter Sunday Raceday - First race 2.05pm • Event: Spring Ale Festival The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Jazz Fest Three Day Jazz Fest at the Dragon: The Gabriel Garrick Quintet, 1pm, Free! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Event: Easter Egg Hunt Find the golden eggs; but beware there's forfeits as well as prizes! From midday.... The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Dj Justified Egomaniac on the decks playing swing, blues and rock, 8pm. FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Easter Festival! with: Against The Flood, Heart of a Coward, Tidor, Here Lies Affliction, Press To Meco, Silhouette of a Ghost, Tenyson, Foundations, Profane and the Sacred, In Ruins, Olivia Sebastianelli & Band (Metalcore/Rock). PART OF OUR 5-DAY EASTER BANK HOLIDAY WEEKEND FESTIVAL. Doors 5pm. £5 Entry, £15 for a 5 day pass. Scream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN, 020 8667 0155, www.screamlounge.com • Event: Bank Holiday Party Night with DJs Elmo and Dean - 1am bar The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1QD, www.marstonstaverns.co.uk/Croydon/Ship • Club: Croydub Huge dubstep extravaganza. Details TBC. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Gay: Masie Trolette Drag show. Opens 1.30pm. Free entry until 3pm. £2.50 after. Maisie live on stage at 4pm The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.com • Music: Phil Thorne & Singers Night Floorsingers & musicians and everybody welcome! Croydon Folk and Blues Club, Ruskin House, Coombe Road, Croydon, www.folkandblues.org

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What’s On - Daily Guide: • Music: Easter Sunday BBQ DOORS: 4.30pm. ADM: £7.50adv AGE LIMIT: Over 18s only Live acts: Two Cow Garage + Crazy Arm + El Morgan + Dexy & The Hand Me Downs + Peachfuzz + Tim Greaves Genre: country/punk Windmill Brixton, 22 Blenheim Gardens, London SW2 5BZ. 020 8671 0700 www.windmillbrixton.co.uk

Mon 25 • Event: Easter Monday - Bank Holiday • Event: ANZAC Day For events and info see: www.australia.org.uk • Sport: Plumpton Races Jumps horse racing. Direct train from East Croydon. More info and tickets from www.plumptonracecourse.co.uk Easter Sunday Raceday - First race 2.20pm • Sport: Crystal Palace v Leeds Championship football. Kick off 3pm. Tickets and info from www.cpfc.co.uk. • Event: Spring Ale Festival The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Jazz Fest Three Day Jazz Fest at the Dragon: The Derek Nash Quartet, 1pm, Free! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Quiz: Wendy’s Wonderful Royal Themed Pub Quiz! 8pm, £1 in. The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Easter Festival! with: United Stoats Of America, Homebrood, Los Salvadores, Eclectic Arts Network, & loads more tbc (Acoustic/Folk/Americana) PART OF OUR 5-DAY EASTER BANK HOLIDAY WEEKEND FESTIVAL Doors 5pm £5 Entry, £15 for a 5 day pass Scream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN, 020 8667 0155, www.screamlounge.com • Music: Acoustic Night ask at the bar in advance if you want to take part The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1QD, www.marstonstaverns.co.uk/Croydon/Ship

Tue 26 • Sport: Lingfield Races Flat horse racing - all weather. Direct train from East Croydon. More info and tickets from www.lingfield-racecourse.co.uk • Event: Spring Ale Festival The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Jazz Fest hree Day jazz fest at the Dragon: The Nigel Price Organ Trio, 1pm, Free! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Games: Wii Games Night The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1QD, www.marstonstaverns.co.uk/Croydon/Ship

Wed 27 • Music: Junk Time Party, Too Many Generals + Dirty Scavenger The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1QD, www.marstonstaverns.co.uk/Croydon/Ship

Thu 28 • Sport: Brighton Races Flat horse racing - turf. Direct train from East Croydon. Free bus from Brighton station to the course. First Race: 5:05 PM Last Race: 8:05 PM BEER & BALTI RACE EVENING - tickets from £20. For more info visit: www.brighton-racecourse.co.uk • Music: A Day After Tomorrow + C Is For City + Beneath The Tide Saviour Management Presents. Doors 7.30pm. £3 Entry Scream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN, 020 8667 0155, www.screamlounge.com • Music: DJ Dean The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1QD, www.marstonstaverns.co.uk/Croydon/Ship • Gay: Karaoke From 5pm The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.com

Fri 29 • Event: Royal Wedding Bank Holiday! • Event: Royal Wedding Live on every bleedin’ telly channel everywhere, probably. 10.30am. Prince William and Kate Middleton travel to the service. 31

11am. Wedding service at Westminster Abbey (meanwhile, the pubs are open!). 12pm. The married couple will travel in a carriage procession to Buckingham Palace, crossing Parliament Square before going along Whitehall, Horse Guards Parade and The Mall. 12.30pm. The Queen will give a reception at Buckingham Palace. 6pm. “The Prince of Wales will give a private dinner at the palace for the couple, their close friends and family followed by dancing” (meanwhile, everyone else will be bladdered, and probably dancing as well). Gawd bless ‘em! • Event: Spring Ale Festival The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Event: Royal Wedding Street Party Love it or hate it, it's an excuse for a right royal piss-up! The Dragon is joining forces with the Dog and Bull to hold a street party down the Market... then later you are cordially invited to a Garden Party in the pubs - so pop your posh frock on! Watch the action in either pub, activities planned for Dog Beer Garden. The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon AND The Dog & Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon. • Event: Royal Wedding Street Party From 10am until pub closing, a street party down Junction Road with the Earl of Eldon and the Crown & Sceptre in conjunction. They’re closing the road, and everyone is welcome. We’re promised BUNTING-ARAMA! The Earl of Eldon AND The Crown & Sceptre, Junction Road, South Croydon. • Event: Royal Wedding Street Party Big cinema screen showing the wedding, delicious food stands, fun things to do on the green by the Arc! Book at box office or call 01883 330380 The Arc, 39 Weston Drive, Caterham, Surrey, CR3 5XY www.the-arc-caterham.co.uk • Event: Royal Wedding Party Watch the big day on our screens - loads of special events, decorations etc The Brief, George Street, Croydon • Mucic: Gypsy Swing Dinner and Dance 7pm £25.00 (£22.50 concessions/members) including a delicious 3 course meal from Aldo. Music from Opus 4 a gypsy swing quartet hailing from the heart of Paris. Prepare to be transported back in time to a world of romance, care-free spirit and

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What’s On - Daily Guide: stunning artistry. For more info on the band, visit www.opus4.net Book at Box Office or call 01883 330380 The Arc, 39 Weston Drive, Caterham, Surrey, CR3 5XY www.the-arc-caterham.co.uk • Music: Arcane roots + Suffer Like G Did + Delta Sleep + Swims A Splash Of Colour Here presents... Arcane roots, Suffer Like G Did, Delta Sleep, Swims. (Alternative/Math/Prog/Indie) UPSTAIRS. Doors 8pm. £5 Entry Scream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN, 020 8667 0155, www.screamlounge.com • Music: Black Water + Sworn To Oath + Wired Desire + The Fallen Frantic Promotions Present DOWNSTAIRS, Doors 8pm, £4 entry Scream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN, 020 8667 0155, www.screamlounge.com • Event: It's a Nice Day for a White Wedding? Fancy Dress Night with DJ Sean The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1QD, www.marstonstaverns.co.uk/Croydon/Ship • Club: Royal Wedding Party noon till late Taberners Lounge Bar, St George’s Walk, Croydon. www.tabernersloungebar.com • Music: 'Anarchy at the Alma' Electric Discotheque Presents Royal Wedding Special: 'Anarchy at the Alma' We return after a long break with a very special all day/all night party to kick off the summer! What better way to celebrate the beginning of an extra long 4 day weekend than to join in the street party vibe at the Alma. We kick off at 2pm with a marquee, BBQ, Alma Garden Market and a sound system in the garden! Then from 8pm we head indoors for the real deal until 4am! In the garden (2- 8pm): Dj's playing dub, soul, funk and balearic rhythms! BBQ and the first Alma Garden Market of the year! Electric Discotheque regulars: Julian, Mark 'Acid' Elsey, and guests,Odyssey & Wishbone (Never Stop the Party), Arinze (Heart and Soul) In the pub (8pm-4am): Dj's playing 80's groove, electro-funk and house rhythms! Electric Discotheque regulars: Julian, Damon, Mark 'acid' Elsey, Affected Jay and guests Natalie C (Kerfuffle), Paul Soul (Reverberations) The Alma, 95 Church Road, Crystal Palace, SE19 2TA www.thealmapub.co.uk

• Club: Reel Music London's No.1 Movie Soundtrack Club Night. REEL MUSIC is a 7 hour soundtrack spectac...ular. From the obscure to the sing-a-long classic, they have it covered. REEL MUSIC is the perfect opportunity to get dressed up, hang out with your friends in an amazing venue and do something different. On the night you can expect… • BIG SCREEN VIDEOS – Reel Music custom edit music videos for their tracks. So you not only get amazing music, you get visuals from the movies too. • FANCY DRESS – highly encouraged! Come dressed as your favourite film character… Or, on this occasion, we’ll accept Royal Wedding themed attire too! • OSCARS – for the best dressed Male & Female. • FREE POPCORN – it wouldn’t be cinema without it, would it?! • 50’S THEMED DINER – hungry? Grab a snack in Pulp Fiction surroundings. • POOL & TABLE FOOTBALL – pick up a cue and show everyone the colour of your money! • ARCADE GAMES – for some old skool arcade action. • CINEMA THEMED COCKTAILS – for example, grab yourself a ‘John Woo Woo’ for extra action! • TEN PIN BOWLING – be ‘the Dude’ and play a few frames as the scores play. Lanes are pre-bookable (or available on the night) at an additional fee. • KARAOKE ROOMS – if you fancy providing your own entertainment, you can be the star of your own musical in an exclusive pre-bookable karaoke room (also available at an additional fee). • MOVIE SCORE CHILL OUT AREA – too much Dirty Dancing??? Relax to classic scores in the cinema chill out area. 8pm-3am. Bloomsbury Bowling Lanes Basement of the Tavistock Hotel, Bedford Way, Tavistock Square, WC1H 9EU London. • Music: Dirty Water Royal Wedding Special with - Vic Goddard & The Subway Sect, Department S, London, The Ten-O-Sevens 7pm £10, adv £8 A punker 'celebration' for the happy couple featuring seminal post-punker Vic Godard & The Subway Sect, 'Is Vic There?' hitster Department S, vintage punkers London and garage-punkers The Ten-OSevens The Lexington, 96-98 Pentonville Road, London, N1 9JB, 020 7837 5371 www.thelexington.co.uk 32

Sat 30 • Sport: Hull v Crystal Palace Championship football. Kick off 3pm. Tickets and info from www.cpfc.co.uk. • Sport: 2000 Guineas The first "classic" race of this year's flat horse racing season. The race is in Newmarket. The 2,000 Guineas is for 3year old colts (male horses) and is shown on television on Channel 4 in the late afternoon. See: www.newmarketracecourses.co.uk. • Event: May Procession Annual procession to celebrate both International Workers Day and the rites of spring. The procession will go from Elmwood Road Croydon to Ruskin House, Coombe Road, Croydon via North End Croydon. Bring your mates, bring a musical instrument etc. Assemble Elmwood Road, Croydon 11am - Rally at Ruskin House 1pm • Event: Spring Ale Festival The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Event: Royal Wedding Hangover Party The first Braai (South African BBQ) of the year + live music from ‘Doodlebug’. From 4pm. Great value tickets available at the bar. The Glamorgan, Cherry Orchard Road, East Croydon • Music: Dj Freeqboi and Cherrybomb playing an eclectic mix of rock, metal and cheese, 8pm. FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: K*nt & The Gang plus Elliot Mason The Basildon filthmonger (and top 100 chart superstar) is back!! Support from surrealist songwriter and Scream favourite Elliot Mason. UPSTAIRS. Doors 8pm £3 adv, £4 on the door Scream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN, 020 8667 0155, www.screamlounge.com • Music: The Royal Wedding Aftershow Party with... Rage DC, T & the Mugs, Gallows Humour, 16 Guns, Noxious Toyz, Washed up, Model Citizens. A special extended Bank Holiday punk rock show. DOWNSTAIRS. Starts 6.30pm. £7 entry Scream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN, 020 8667 0155, www.screamlounge.com

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What’s On - Daily Guide: • Music: DJ Dean The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1QD, www.marstonstaverns.co.uk/Croydon/Ship • Club: Directors spring party free from 10.00pm -4.00am Taberners Lounge Bar, St George’s Walk, Croydon. www.tabernersloungebar.com • Music: Rock of Ages Another great rock band to dance the night away to. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon. http://ovaltavern.co.uk

Sun 01 May • Event: May Day • Sport: Surrey v Scotland Clydesdale Bank 40 Cricket. 1.45pm. The Kia Oval, Kennington, London. More info and tickets from www.kiaoval.com • Sport: 1000 Guineas The second "classic" race of this year's flat horse racing season. The race is in Newmarket. The 1,000 Guineas is for 3year old fillies (female horses). The race is shown on television on Channel 4 in the late afternoon. See: www.newmarketracecourses.co.uk. • Event: Spring Ale Festival The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Martin Speak Quartet Lunchtime Jazz with the Martin Speak Quartet, 1pm, Free! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: In the Swing Live music from In the Swing, 4-6pm, Free! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: The First + FranKo + Mandrage + Superking Frantic Promotions ALL AGES present. (Alternative/Rock) All-ages welcome. Under 14s must be accompanied by a paying adult No alcohol permitted in the live room DOWNSTAIRS. Doors 6pm. £5 Entry Scream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN, 020 8667 0155, www.screamlounge.com • Music: Bank Holiday Party Night with DJs Elmo and Dean - 1am bar The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1QD, www.marstonstaverns.co.uk/Croydon/Ship

• Club: Bank Holiday D’n’B GOLDIE (Metalheadz, Worldwide), BAILEY (1xtra, Radio 1, Metalheadz), S.N.T. (Intanatty), POLEAXE (Quantum Soundz), SKOPES (Good Looking), MC FLUX (Intanatty), MC BLACKEYE Doors 8pm til late, £8 all night. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: Singers Night Floorsingers & musicians and everybody welcome! Croydon Folk and Blues Club, Ruskin House, Coombe Road, Croydon, www.folkandblues.org

Mon 02 • Event: May Bank Bank Holiday • Event: Jack In The Green Traditional May Day celebrations in Hastings. The Jack is released from the Fishermen's Museum, from where there is a procession through the streets to Hastings Castle. Following Jack are Morris dancers, Giants and Bogies. Later in the afternoon Jack is killed, and the Spirit of Summer is released. For further information, see: www.hastingsjack.co.uk. • CHARITY: Japanese Tsunami Relief Charity gig with Clone, Camel Toe, Bleed To This plus more tbc. Japanese anime themed fancy dress, face painting, chrity sale and more tbc. Doors tbc. £tbc Scream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN, 020 8667 0155, www.screamlounge.com

Tue 03 • See Every Tuesday etc

Wed 04 • Sport: Surrey v Leicestershire County Championship Cricket. 11am. The Kia Oval, Kennington, London. More info and tickets from www.kiaoval.com • Music: Sky Harbour + Rhiannon The Nightmare Wildfire Exposure Presents: Sky Harbour, Rhiannon The Nightmare plus more tbc A new monthly showcase night hosted by Wildfire Music bringing new bands to Scream. Doors 8pm. FREE ENTRY Scream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN, 020 8667 0155, www.screamlounge.com

Thu 05 • Music: FREE METAL NIGHT with Seed Of Detest, Eyes Of Munity, comeoutfiring. (Metal/Hardcore) plus more tbc. Doors 8pm. FREE ENTRY Scream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN, 020 8667 0155, www.screamlounge.com • Club: ALT. X: FREAKSHOW MONSTERS OF SCHLOCK! Special guest appearance from the world's most extreme two-man sideshow comedy magic extravaganza! Direct from Canada for one night only! Followed by Rock / Metal / Alternative with DJ Tony X plus guests. Cheap Sheep drinks deals till 10pm, plus £1.50 shots of Jager all night! £2before 10pm, doors 7pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar

Fri 06 • Sport: Turkish Grand Prix From Istanbul Park Practice one - 0800-0930; Practice two - 1200-1330 • Sport: Lingfield Races Flat horse racing - turf. Direct train from East Croydon. More info and tickets from www.lingfield-racecourse.co.uk Ladies Day at the Derby trial meeting • Music: Friday Night Showcase A new regular night showcasing the best local bands of all genres, old and new, FREE OF CHARGE this week... Gabi & The Whoremoans, Goat, Fly This For Me, 3 Day Medicene, plus more tbc. (Rock). DOWNSTAIRS Starts 8pm. FREE ENTRY Scream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN, 020 8667 0155, www.screamlounge.com • Music: DJ Sean The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1QD, www.marstonstaverns.co.uk/Croydon/Ship

Sat 07 • Sport: Turkish Grand Prix From Istanbul Park Practice three - 0900-1000; Qualifying - 1200-1300 • Event: Brighton Festival Sat 7 May - Sun 29 May 2011 A 3-week international festival of music, theatre, dance, literature and arts events in Brighton. See: www.brightonfestival.org and www.brightonfestivalfringe.org.uk

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What’s On - Daily Guide: • Music: Surrounded By Disgust + Dyscarnate + Happy Face + Once A Wolf Frantic Promotions Present: Surrounded By Disgust, Dyscarnate, Happy Face, Once A Wolf. (Extreme/prog metal) DOWNSTAIRS. Doors 8pm. £5 Entry Scream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN, 020 8667 0155, www.screamlounge.com • Music: PJ da DJ the best in metal, rock and alternative The Ship, 47 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1QD, www.marstonstaverns.co.uk/Croydon/Ship • Music: Robin Bibi and his Band Playing blues, funk, soul, rock, reggae and jazz all rolled together, either performing superb blues and rock ‘n’ roll covers or original material. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon. http://ovaltavern.co.uk • Music: Odd Box Records 2nd Birthday Bash DOORS: 3pm-2am. ADM: £8adv/£10 door. AGE LIMIT: Over 18s only Live acts: :The Lovely Eggs + The Blanche Hudson Weekend + Blood Oranges + Evans The Death + Scumbag Philosopher + The Wendy Darlings (France) + Chapter 24 + Ace Bushy Striptease + The Sweet Nothings + Bastard Sword. DJs: Owain Baaneex, Rocker (Dandelion Radio) and Paul (Scared To Dance) Genre: indiepop vs noisepop Windmill Brixton, 22 Blenheim Gardens, London SW2 5BZ. 020 8671 0700 www.windmillbrixton.co.uk

Sun 08 • Sport: Turkish Grand Prix From Istanbul Park Race - 1300 • Sport: Plumpton Races Jumps horse racing. Direct train from East

Croydon. More info and tickets from www.plumptonracecourse.co.uk Family Raceday - First race 2.10pm Last meeting of the season. • Event: Bangla New Year Festival Celebrations of Bangladeshi culture starting in the morning, when local children lead a street procession, and continuing until the end of the afternoon. It takes place in Weavers Fields (next to Vallance Road) and Allen Gardens and in the area around Brick Lane. For further details, see: www.baishakhimela.org.uk. • Event: Covent Garden May Fayre and Puppet Festival Punch and Judy shows and related events, held in the gardens of St Paul's Church, Bedford Street, London WC2 (near Covent Garden, Charing Cross or Leicester Square underground stations). At 10.30am there is a procession around the neighbourhood of Covent Garden starting at the church garden. In some years there is a Mass and Puppet Service in St Paul's Church (see: www.actorschurch.org). In the afternoon there are Punch and Judy shows, other puppet shows and workshops, folk music and dancing, clowns and jugglers (this is a free, family-friendly event). See: www.alternativearts.co.uk/events. • Music: Acoustic Sunday with Mark Woods (album launch show) plus more tbc Live in the Lounge bar Starts 7pm FREE ENTRY Scream Lounge, 20 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN, 020 8667 0155, www.screamlounge.com • Music: Occasional String Band & Singers Night Floorsingers & musicians and everybody welcome! Croydon Folk and Blues Club, Ruskin House, Coombe Road, Croydon, www.folkandblues.org

Mon 09 • Sport: Brighton Races Flat horse racing - turf. Direct train from East Croydon. Free bus from Brighton station to the course. First Race: 2:10 PM Last Race: 5:10 PM 2 for 1 Afternoon Racing - 2for1 offer on Grandstand & Paddock admission tickets! book online at: www.brightonracecourse.co.uk

Tue 10 • Club: Rockaholic - The Return Ladies and gents the time has arrived for Rockaholic to be resurrected!!! Sick of other rock nights playing the same playlist over and over? Disenchanted by DJ's never playing your requests? Well this is the rock night where you control the music thats played!!! Free entry, good music and best of all booze, what more can you possibly ask for? ;-) Post all music requests on the rockaholic facebook page and we’ll make sure they’re lined up to be played on the night and of course we will be around all night for requests too!!! Bands: TBA Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar

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(1) Skies over South Croydon; (2) First impromptu rehearseal of ‘Mr Byrite and the Ten Pee Shovers’; (3) Fantastically lit trees in Bristol; (4) & (5) The Deep Massive rediscover 70’s board game ‘Game of Dracula’ (6) Bristol Bridge at night; (7) Welcome to the world! Elliot Forbes-Gifford with mums Josie and Jo; (8) The calm before the storm - a horse gets checked over behind the track before the Cheltenham Gold Cup.

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