Deep London by angela ferrara

deep online at: www.deep-london.co.uk • www.issuu.com • facebook • www.myspace.com/wiredmag • http://sk.im Ahoy-hoy... ...and welcome to issue 67, and to 2009 in general. It’s been a hell of a month at Deep Villas with pretty much everyone involved in any way with the magazine dropping like flies thanks to various bugs and ailments. Speaking just for myself, I’ve been laid out for most of December with, in order of their arrival, never-ending industrial strength ‘flu, the vomity bug thing and a knackered back (which I wouldn’t have minded had it been due to doing something fun, as opposed to just getting out of a chair when I didn’t expect it). So yeah, I spent most of the festive period in bed (which I wouldn’t have minded etc etc). At least all this time indoors meant I didn’t miss much Xmas telly and had time to catch up with Star Stories, the Hoobs and my new favourite kids programme, ‘Sorry I’ve Got No Head’ which is just genius - every nasty, sick little cloud has a silver vicks-smeared lining and in this case it’s BBC i-player - wahey! for that (boo to 4OD which doesn’t work with macs, for some elaborate reason). Anyhoo, the upshot of all of this is that we’re aware that some of you didn’t get a chance to see December’s issue, for which we can only apologise. But never fear if you were one of the unlucky ones who missed their fix of Croydon’s best, and indeed only, FREE monthly entertainment guide as what we’ve done is reproduced a couple of the articles from last month alongside our new ones for this month, so you aint missed much, and anything you did miss can be found on the facebook deep-london fan page. So there. Job done. And barring more virulent unpleasantry normal service is now resumed. But enough of that, because it’s all sooo last year, and this is now a new shiny one which no-one’s managed to break or lose down the back of the sofa yet. Happy New Year and all that, I hope you all had a good one and are poised, cat-like, for the year ahead. Interestingly, or not, 2009 is International Year of Astronomy (The Mystic One got a bit over-excited at this until we carefully explained the difference between astronomy and astrology, at which point he went back to sleep). It’s also, apparently, National Science Year, Year of Creativity and Innovation (no, we don’t know either) and, in bonny Scotland, the 250th anniversary of Robert Burns’ birth. 2008, incidentally, was the Year of Reading, which kind of passed us by, but then if you’re reading this then paradoxically, erm, good - well done you! Anyway, onto this issue and the world seems to be a rather dark place at the moment - maybe it’s the ‘credit crunch’, or maybe it’s just us being all wintry and depressing as last month we had ghost stories, terrifying tales, jack the ripper, death squads, you know, festive stuff for a jolly Christmas, and this month we’ve got demons and zombies and a bit more on jack the ripper. Oh, and yes, if you’ve looked at the cover and are wondering where the kittens are; we lied about the kittens - we just wanted to cheer ourselves up a bit... Righto, that’s about it from me, I’m off to watch Doctor Who with our mate David - while I still can and as a reward for typing the whole mag standing up thanks to the knackered back - as although I did see it on Christmas day, it was a bit hard to concentrate with not only a five year old running about but also - mainly - many many glasses of (purely medicinal of course) champagne working their fizzy magic on my synapses. Marvellous stuff, champagne, especially Perrier Jouet (massive hint to makers of Perrier Jouet...). Ta ta for now, have a safe start to the new year and we’ll see you in February, the month of lurve, to which we say, mwah, allons-y! Angela xx Your Bonsai Editor 1

Jan 2009 Issue Sixty Seven Contact Us: editor: angela ferrara tel: 07910 506197 / 020 8680 3558 e: angela@deep-london.co.uk staff & contributors: mystic mike, auntie may, lazy-boy, nick booth, geoff lyons, amanda cook, advertising sales: call angela on 07910 506197 or e-mail angela@deep-london.co.uk printed by: Positive Image publishing & graphic design: deep-london web design: neil williams, info@nojwilliams.net web hosting: europahost, 94 southbridge road, south croydon, CR0 1AF, tel: 0845 644 1484. www.europahost.net thanks to: jean, tony, marie, jamie; the bishops NYE massive; david, charlie, bill, paul, ed, jack, cosmo.

happy birthday: chloe, dan, ben, codey, stef, jane, nick, danny, sarah, rich, matt, sally, carla, creepy, dan, rob, duncan. r.i.p: oliver postgate, bettie page, eartha kitt, harold pinter, helen suzman, vincent ford, ron asheton

GET YOUR EVENT LISTED: e-mail: ANGELA@ DEEP-LONDON.CO.UK what’s on listings are absolutely free!

Last date for inclusion in February issue -

Friday 23 January

JANUARY 2009 THIS MONTHS FEATURES:

Demons

Zombies

Hangovers

News Hound

Croydopoly! Board

Dear Diary

The Agony

World of Pub

Lazy Boy

Ripped Up

Free-Dom

A Cautionary Tale

Wrong Way Round

Stars

LISTINGS: Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s On Guide

Pubs, Clubs, Bars

Restaurants

Cabs / Hotels

Music

Cinema / Theatre

Adult

Vampires, Van Helsing-mini, much smiting. It must be Saturday night...

escribed by the Guardian as ‘Merlin meets Buffy’, ITV attempts to wrest back some control of the Saturday night familyviewing slot next year in the shape of ‘Demons’, a six part modern day reworking of the Dracula / Van Helsing legend set in and above London’s sewers. The story revolves around Luke (Christian Cook), an ostensibly ordinary teenager who, as the last descendent of the Van Helsing line, is thrown into a world of demons and monsters (or ‘halflife’ entities as they’re called) in order to smite the hell out of them. It all sounds a bit mad, so Deep decided to catch up with some of the main players to ask ‘the what now..?’ starting with Philip Glenister, best known as none-more-curmudgeonly copper Gene Hunt in Life and Mars and Ashes to Ashes, who plays Rupert Galvin, Luke’s Godfather and a man with a tragic past, a zero-tolerance policy to ghouls and, oddly, an American acccent... “I was quite nervous about the American accent at first,” admits Glenister. “I came straight off the back of Ashes to Ashes but thought from the off that Galvin would be a nice removal from playing Gene. “I did have a voice coach. A very nice lady called Judith who was very expressive with her language. She was on set for the first week and after that I was OK. I’ve swapped ‘Huntisms’ for Americanisms. Actually accents seem to be one of the few things I was born with a head for. I enjoy doing them as well. I’ve done so many; northern, American, German, I don’t think I could play my own accent any more. I wouldn’t know how to play myself.” Describing his character in the new sci-fi drama, Philip says: “Rupert Galvin was the best friend of Luke’s dead father. Something happened many years ago while they were on a mission together in Transylvania, Luke’s father was killed and Galvin saved baby Luke. As his godfather Galvin has kept a distant eye on Luke ever since and at the start of the series decides to come back into Luke’s life as the dark forces are gathering.

“Galvin attempts to act as Luke’s mentor, to train him up as a smiter and to protect him as much as possible.” Talking about his cohorts on Demons, Philip continues: “It’s a bit of a Scooby gang. Though of course they are all young, gifted and beautiful and then there is me…the dad character. Maybe Galvin is the sensible one in Scooby Doo – Fred. But much older!” “We are making a family supernatural thriller and it is dark in places but there is also humour. Kids love to be scared but at the same they want to have some fun.”

“Maybe Galvin is like the sensible one in Scooby Doo - Fred, but much older...” “My girls are six and three and they are obsessed with Doctor Who and the Sarah Jane Adventures. They love being scared when they know it is comic book scary. I’ll never forget watching Doctor Who with my friend Paul when I was a lad. We’d half hide behind the door when the Daleks were on.” So does Philip still have a vivid imagination? “Yes, to the point where I wouldn’t do a parachute jump because I can imagine the bloody thing wouldn’t open!” he laughs. “When I was a kid I used to love the Hammer Horror films and Christopher Lee’s Dracula but you grow up and your influences change. So in that respect this is not a genre I have followed in recent times; which is one of the reasons I thought this would be such an interesting project to do. “Sci-fi is something I’ve never done and I wanted to see what it would be like. Whether I could act with a green screen, react to things that aren’t there and cope with crazily dressed people while making it real.” “The prosthetics are astoundingly good, by the same team who did Harry Potter. Martin Hancock plays a character called Redlip, I remember seeing him on my first day and he freaked me out. Oh my god, I didn’t want to leave my trailer 4

for a week. “As a kid I used to love Batman. Spiderman never did it for me, Superman was OK but Adam West as Batman; how he made those lines work was magnificent. I’ve learned a thing or two from him." And Philip had to contend with a few superhero style stunts as well. "Christian (Cooke) has to do most of them, but then he is much younger and fitter than me so it's only fair. But I do get thrown over quite a few cars, I get burnt and I have to fight a demon which involved me wearing a special harness so I could be yanked backwards very sharply, which was not a comfortable experience. "I also have this gun; a pulse gun which has to be the most useless weapon in the world. I never seem to kill anyone, I keep threatening people and then I get hurled 25 feet across a car park! "There is one episode when Christian and I have to wear wetsuits for a scene where we are up to our necks, literally, in sewage water courtesy of Kevin McNally. That wasn't pleasant." And of course the question everyone is asking Philip; what car does Galvin drive? "He drives a Mercedes. It's a good old car, a 1972 SL in silver. I think it will feature quite nicely in the show and yes I'll be firing up the Merc…" On the other side of the mythological fence sits main baddie, the marvellously named Gladiolus Thrip, played with glee by Mackenzie Crook (The Office, obviously, Pirates of the Caribbean, naturally) who had a little help in coming up with the terrifying screech associated with his cruel character in Demons. His five-year-old son helped him while playing in the woods. "We were running around pretending to be dinosaurs and just came up with the noise," he explains. "He might only be five but Jude isn't freaked out by anything strange. He came on set to Pirates of the Caribbean when he was four weeks old and has grown up watching me getting into costume and having lunch with all the pirates. He understands it is all make believe."

Mackenzie admits the part is not the sort of role that he often gets offered; "I have played some quirky characters before but nothing evil and I've wanted to play someone really bad for a long time. In my early career I got parts as drug dealers or addicts; always something to do with narcotics. Then after The Office it was always nerdy characters. So you do have to sift through the parts. Thrip was a great opportunity to play a different type of character." Describing his character Mackenzie says: "Thrip is out to get Luke and wants to destroy Mr Galvin along the way. He is a mischief maker who loves stirring things up between them. He is a flamboyant character who enjoys making trouble but he is on a very short fuse. "He really looks after his appearance, wearing extravagant Teddy boy clothes and arranging his hair in a strange quiff – even though as a vampire he has no reflection so how he manages I don't know. And he has this weird scrimshaw nose stuck on, although you never discover what happened to his real nose – you just see the scarring." "In a strange way Thrip is full of life even though he only has half a one. There are elements of comedy in the way I play him but he does have to be scary. It doesn't take much for him to completely lose it and you see the vicious side of him come out. He can kill people with his fingernail; it's spiteful, horrible stuff and there is nothing honourable about him" A fan of the sci-fi genre himself,

Mackenzie admits: "I am a true geek at heart. I've always been a fan of Star Wars. Never Doctor Who or Star Trek but always Star Wars. I could tell you anything about the most obscure characters. I do get quite obsessive about these shows." Elsewhere in the pantheon of oddity that Demons seems to be, we find Victor Meldrew, aka Richard Wilson, lurking about as zombie priest Father Simeon; “My first thought was, ‘I’ve never played a zombie priest!’ laughs Richard. “And to be honest I never thought I would be offered the chance to play a zombie priest either. I read the script and thought it was rather intriguing; how do you approach playing someone who has been alive for possibly a thousand years? You just look very old and bedraggled, it turns out.” But Father Simeon isn’t the traditional B-movie zombie: “He is a good guy really, he sees that Luke is the last surviving Van Helsing and he wants to help him as much as he can. He has been very close to the Van Helsing family in the past and Luke represents that so he is quite happy to give him advice etc. The only sticking point is that he really doesn’t like Galvin. “Simeon is pretty sinister really; he never leaves the ancient church where he has lived, surrounded by the dead, for hundreds of years. In fact the church where we filmed, St Bartholomew the Great, was a wonderful location; it is a really beautiful church hidden away by Smithfield’s market.” Despite playing a zombie, Richard’s character did not end the series in the

happiest way: “My character has been alive for a long time, and so he constantly has a fly swat on him because he is basically dead skin and flesh. There is a lot of swatting; in one episode I seem to spend most of my time just swatting at bugs. Father Simeon does end up with a rather nasty death scene in which thousands of spiders come out of my mouth as I lie dead in the church. But, of course, being one of the ‘undead’ he could always find ways of coming back. I absolutely think Simeon would have means of reinventing himself and coming back.” Richard’s role in Demons isn’t his only foray into the fantasy or sci-fi genre, he has also recently appeared in both Doctor Who and Merlin. So is the actor now a fan of the genre? “Well I am certainly becoming one. The genre is obviously quite prevalent at the moment in film and on television, and it’s getting better and better. There’s a wonderful comic industry out there of sci-fi stuff, and the illustrations are brilliant. I have dabbled in buying science fiction books and there are also some science fiction comics I buy occasionally.” Who’d have thunk it? Mind you, when you look at how bizarre the whole concept seems to be, it all seems to fit. We’ve yet to see a preview so we’re as intrigued as anyone and we’ll be tuning in to see if ITV have finally got a decent family show going, how odd Demons turns out to be and, just for fun, exactly how many people get smited. Nice. Demons starts on ITV1 on 3rd January at 7.20pm.

es, yes, we know Dead Set was on a couple of months back, but we couldn’t fit this article in at the time, it’s being repeated in January, it’s rather a good programme, Charlie Brooker is a god and we’ve discovered, what with Celebrity Big Brother back on our screens, it’s quite a lot of fun to imagine the contestants being eviscerated are in fact this year’s crop of deperate career-revival-wannabe-zlisters. Fact. The first rule of writing is “write about what you love”. For Charlie Brooker, writing about what he loves is not always easy - he's a TV critic, which, by definition, means that sometimes he has to write about things he does not love - indeed, about things he absolutely loathes. And, as readers of his hugely popular Screen Burn column will testify, Charlie Brooker often loathes the programmes he reviews. But now the poacher has turned gamekeeper (or should that be the other way around?) as the critic has written a TV series, Dead Set, which he describes as a zombie romp set in the Big Brother house. And here, Brooker is definitely writing about what he loves, because he is absolutely infatuated with zombies. If there's a shambling member of the undead in it, he's seen it, probably has the box set, and may well know it by heart. Here, Brooker talks about why zombies do it for him, how men in berets are welcome to watch the series, and the problems associated with having bug-eyes. Dead Set - can you sum it up? “I guess it's a fairly standard nightmare scenario - Britain is overwhelmed by a kind of zombie apocalypse which wipes out pretty much everyone in the country, from hot dog sellers through to the people who pay the wages of hot dog sellers. Just about the only people who aren't aware of it, initially at least, are a bunch of contestants in a fictional series of Big Brother. It's inspired by Dawn of the Dead, which is set in a shopping mall. I guess you'd say it's a horror-thriller with satirical, darkly comic undertones. But mainly it's a horror-thriller.” Are you a fan of the real Big Brother? “I'm ambivalent, really. I've written about it a lot, and made hay slating various contestants. I've got a slightly

odd relationship with all reality TV, in that I watch a lot of it and get drawn into it, and yet at the same time you're slightly appalled. It's a similar thing to playing video games - you get drawn in and enjoy yourself, and then when it's over, you feel like you've wasted a lot of time. You get people who define themselves by how much they hate shows like Big Brother. They'll practically tune in and then sit with their back turned to the set just to underline how much they hate it. I'm not one of those, and nor am I one of the people who turn up waving a placard on eviction night. I'm somewhere in the middle. I suppose most TV is a distraction from something or another. That's kind of a theme in the show, we're kind of distracted by a lot of entertainment in

unrelenting peril, so hopefully people will be too involved to sit there and stroke their chins.” What did you do in the name of research for this? Did you watch a lot of Big Brother, or go behind the scenes, or to eviction nights? “I watched a lot of zombie films. I watch a lot of zombie films anyway, which is where the original idea came from. I wanted to make a zombie TV series before the Big Brother angle came along. I'd decided I wanted to do a series that was a bit like 24, but set during a zombie apocalypse. Then, a little while after having that thought, I was watching Big Brother when it occurred to me that that was the perfect setting.” Were you concerned with making it a

“It’s a fairly standard scenario - Britain is overwhelmed by a zombie apocalypse which wipes out pretty much everyone in the country...” this day and age, and obviously in vaguely making that point, what I've really done is create a zombie-romp that will further distract people from whatever might be more important in their lives. I've basically made the problem worse.” In choosing the Big Brother setting, are you satirising reality TV, or is it just about the fact that it's quite a good setting for a horror series? “It's kind of in-between. In the original Dawn of the Dead, which was sort of a model for this, the setting has obviously got satirical undertones. I would say the same about this. But while you could spend your time watching it thinking ”Mmmmm, yes, a satirical point”, most of the time you're going to be thinking ”Help! Here come the zombies!“ It's kind of a scary romp, first and foremost. It's not a chinstroking exercise.” So it's not just to be watched by men in berets? “No, although they're more than welcome to tune in, provided they take their fucking berets off. In a way, on one level, the fact that it's set in the Big Brother House is kind of irrelevant, although it also sort of isn't. I can't really be clearer than that! It's about 8

realistic version of Big Brother? “Yes. And we wanted the backstage stuff to be as accurate as possible in some respects. So we went along to an eviction a long while ago now - this shows how long ago the idea began. I went along to George Galloway's eviction. I snuck along, and got to go behind the scenes. I went in the camera run, which was very instructive. It's very creepy there - like being in an aquarium. It's a very quiet, dark environment, and you're looking through the glass at these creatures that aren't really aware of your existence. And sometimes these people would stare directly at you, and a little frisson would go through you, and then you'd realise that they were looking at their own reflection in the mirror - which obviously, being celebrities, they did a lot. I realised that the camera run was a really creepy place, so you start to think how scary it would be if there was something in the camera run, and you didn't know it was there. It could see you, but you couldn't see it.” You've talked of your love of zombie films. The Living Dead films, and more recently 28 Days Later and I Am Legend, have all been hits. What is it about zombie films that capture the imagination?

“I really don't know. I've thought about this, because I'll watch anything with a zombie in it. But I just don't know. What I like about zombies is that they are thick. I don't like watching horror films about, say, a serial killer, where the villain is a brilliant intellectual and could also double as the controller of Radio 3. The serial killer is always one step ahead of the police, and taunting them. Whereas most serial killers, in reality, are so mentally deranged that they wouldn't be like that. And I don't really relate to vampires or ghosts. I don't find them particularly frightening.” But zombies are different? “Yeah. In the original Romero movies, zombies were this big dumb mass of stupidity. The protagonists always get complacent, because these things are shambling around quite slowly and can't keep up with them. And then by sheer weight of numbers they get overwhelmed. So if you live in a city,

Dead Set? “Yeah, I have a little cameo. What was frustrating was that I couldn't be a featured zombie, I had to be a B-list zombie. I was supposed to be a featured zombie, but my eyes are too weird and bug-like. They couldn't put the contact lenses on me - they tried shoving them in for about 15 minutes, and every time I blinked they came out. My eyelids are too thin or something.” Thin eyelids and bug-eyes? You're sort of reptilian, aren't you? “Yeah, I am. Which you'd think might be a plus in having some sort of undead cameo. You might spot me. People can play a version of Where's Wally?. Blinkand-you'll miss it. But I'm there, and it's not in a crowd scene. It's in episode two.” There are quite a few cameos from former Big Brother housemates, aren't there? “Yeah. They've not been cast in huge

“We got some harsh reviews for Nathan Barley, then it really picked up on DVD and everyone realised WE WERE RIGHT! THEY WERE WRONG!” you're surrounded by people constantly. If you imagine something suddenly afflicted them all, and they were all coming after you, then you're in big trouble. It's a fear of an anonymous mass coming after you. Except, of course, modern day zombies have evolved. They learnt to run in about 2002. Which is probably good, it gives the genre a new lease of life. We considered having your old-fashioned, stumbling zombies in this, but it felt more in-keeping with a fast-paced TV thing to have running zombies. There's something visceral about having a bunch of zombies running at you. And it means you don't need a huge mass of zombies for effect to start with, and then when you do see a huge mass of them, it's particularly horrifying.” Horror in general is such a big market, now more than ever. Why do people like being scared? “I don't know. There's the thought that, in days gone by, when we were all living in caves and chasing wild boar across the plains or whatever the hell we did when we were cavemen, you were generally in fear for your life once on any given day. So I guess it tickles that, it's an adrenaline rush. It's a way of being scared in a fun, safe environment. It's the equivalent of a rollercoaster, it gives you an adrenaline shot. Either that or we're just all sick.” Is it true you appear as a zombie in

roles, where we expect them to act from beginning to end. There's a logical reason for them to be there. We have them all down at Elstree for a special edition of BBLB, and it's on eviction night, which just happens to be when the zombie apocalypse thing really starts to happen. “We wanted people from various different series of Big Brother. We had a load of old housemates, and they were all exceptionally pleasant, even the ones I've been really rude about in print. In fact, I think the rule is, the ruder you've been about someone in print, the nicer they turn out to be, and the bigger an arsehole you feel for having been unpleasant about them. Anyway, we've got a real mix of people from various years. Those bits are almost documentary style - we just put them all in a room together and got them to chat while we walked around with our cameras. Then we did some nasty stuff to surprise them, and recorded their reaction.” So do we get to see any of them being eaten alive? “You might do…” Davina McCall is in it as well. Did she get stuck in with her usual gusto? “Yes, she did. You couldn't have something set at a Big Brother eviction night without Davina. She's in it quite a bit and she's brilliant. She hurled herself into it.” 10

You filmed scenes with the crowd outside the Big Brother House. Was that a real eviction crowd? “Yeah, we filmed outside the house on an eviction night and before they came out, we 'evicted' a member of our cast. We'd previously shot a posteviction interview with our evictee and Davina. The whole thing was improvised and authentic. Davina was just brilliant. She charmed everybody. And wouldn't you know, I've been rude about Davina before - that's a classic example of someone turning up who's so incredibly pleasant that you just feel 'Who is the arsehole in this scenario? It's definitely me!'” You clearly had the backing and support of everyone involved in Big Brother. Was that difficult to secure? “No, it wasn't. I would've thought that they'd be much more defensive, and get all sorts of assurances. There was none of that, absolutely none. We had carte blanche to do what we liked. It was almost disappointing. A lot of our characters aren't contestants, but play production staff, and they weren't even worried about that. Jaime Winstone plays Kelly, a production runner on the show. And we have Andy Nyman playing Patrick, a Big Brother producer, who I hasten to add is in no way based on any real producer. He's a real caricature - I like to think he's like the Sherriff of Nottingham in Prince of Thieves. The sort of bastard you can really relish. He's a massive wanker, but they didn't seem to mind that at all. Everyone was really helpful - the people at E4 as well. We kept wanting to have a really good argument, but everyone was too helpful.” As a TV critic yourself, is it nervewracking making forays into TV? Do you feel that people might be gunning for you, or willing you to fail? “No, not really. Mainly because I don't care about anyone on the planet apart from myself, so fuck what they think! I was working in TV before I started writing about TV, so I'm not too cowed by it. We got some fairly harsh reviews for Nathan Barley, but I never felt that people were gunning for me. I just felt that people didn't really get the show, and then it really picked up on DVD and everyone realised that WE WERE RIGHT! THEY WERE WRONG! I think this show will stand and fall on its own merits. If people are genuinely just pointing out things that could be done better, then that's got to be helpful, for future things. The bastards.” Dead Set - 6th January C4 Charlie Brrookers Screen-Wipe - 4th January - BBC4, midnight

A writer called Johnny Argument and a load of punks called The Hangovers on the beers in a Wetherspoons in Purley, what could possibly go wrong....

“

I’ve got itchy ‘arris,” says Wayne ‘Bully’ Bulled, drummer with emerging Croydon rock and roll legends The Hangovers, Croydon face of two decades standing and a dead ringer for Ron Wood crossed with Sid Vicious. “Itchy, itchy, itchy. Bin drivin’ me mad for weeks. Dunno what to do about it, really.” He is looking mildly vexed, because – notwithstanding his itchy bum trouble, to which we will return – James ‘Elmo’ Elmy, 19-year-old singer and guitarist has just dribbled on his arm as I take a photo of them. “Wur,” says Bully pushing the young man away, “behave yourself, sort it out, you’ve got the manners of a Teddy Boy.” But when Bully sees the picture he is pleased as punch and hugs James. “Well done for doing that!” he coos and

they’ve played a lot of gigs on the circuit in their pedal-to-the-metal incendiary style, had a lot of hangovers and even caused a miniature moral panic. “We was in the local papers a while back,” James explains, “when we was in the Ship’s Battle of the Bands (good pub the Ship is, Dean’s great). Anyhow, next thing we heard that Croydon Council and some newspapers had had complaints and letters that we were glorifying binge drinking.” And are you, I asked. “No way,” says James. But before he can give a fuller defence of the band, Bully has leant forward. “Absolute rubbish!” he sneers in mellifluous cockney, part Ronnie Kray, part Roland Rat. “If anything the name of this band advertises that for every piss up there’s a price. People wanna be worrying about

“I like that good old ‘here for the beer’ attitude, like The Faces having a couple of bottles of Blue Nun before show time...” he embraces the boy singer. Bass player Ray ‘The Ox’ Jenkins looks on, smiling sweetly. “What you have to remember about us,” says Ray, “is that we’re a family. That’s how we operate.” It’s a frozen November evening in Purley, and we’re in the Wetherspoons nursing lagers. Hardly the ne plus ultra of rock and roll bacchanalia. However, The Hangovers bring an infectious joire de vivre to even the most measly public house collocations. Just getting a drink involves jokes. Ray gives me the band’s history: “I was in bands in the 70s and 80s. Always played. Loved it. Wayne and I drank in the Tudor Rose up in Old Coulsdon. We got nattering, realised we both liked the same things musically and decided to have a jam. I knew James and brought him down. Them two hit it off straight away. Next thing we were playing the Enterprise in Camden.” “Bottom of the bill,” says James, “but top o’ the night.” That was only in April. Since then

children stabbing each other to death not three blokes trying to have a good time and put on a show.” This is the key to the Hangovers. Their creed is one of revelry and good honest fun. Time and again when interviewing them, you get this feeling which is quite unlike most other bands now, mired as they are either in toxic levels of irony and sarcasm or just deranged with diseases of the ego. Not The Hangovers. Bully: ‘Yeah, I like that good old ‘here for the beer attitude’, like The Faces having a couple of bottles of Blue Nun before show time and then kicking footballs into the crowd. Worse thing that ever happened to Rock and Roll was when poncy, pseudointellectual middle class bastards got involved in it – that’s how fucking Radiohead and other sorry-I’m-adepressing-little-c***-who-wears-blacknail-varnish-and-strums-A minor-in-mybedroom-all-day abysmal bands of that nature came about. Tossers and silly bollocks in other words. I don’t take rock 12

and roll seriously like that. I remember when I got booted out of art college. I stuck my earplugs in and heard Rocks Off by the Rolling Stones and you know what, that’s complete joy to me.” James Elmy (middle name Isley in honour of the Isley Brothers) is, as one would expect from a talented 19-yearold, brimful of ambition. “We could be bigger than the Beatles,” he yells playfully, now well in his cups. Bully swiftly slaps him down – it’s a mother’s job to keep their children’s outbursts in order. “Don’t be ridiculous; keep your feet on the ground, boy.” Bully shakes his head slowly at the staggering nonsense of the statement. “You’ll learn,” he says. “First band I was in, The Honkys, a band led by a vainglorious piss artist and which only played one gig, whenever I said anything about the big time I got whacked round the head with a shove ha’penny board and had to spend Saturday night locked in an outside toilet reading Gill’s Imperial History of England and pickin’ me nose. It was an hard school. Feet on the ground, boy.” Watching them together I am irresistibly reminded of Long John Silver and Jim Hawkins from Treasure Island. James is on one now. The next thing he says is in the polite, pleading tone of a small boy asking Mum for an ice cream: “Wayne, when we play battle of the bands next can I smash my guitar through your bass drum?” A look of indignation and alarm spreads across Bully’s semi-sozzled countenance. “You WHAT, BOY?” he says, now looking and sounding like a cross between Sid Vicious and Fagin from Oliver Twist. “No you AIN’T, I told yer that already. How many more times?” “But I’ll buy you a new one for Christmas, promise.” “Yeah?” says Mother Bully, left eyebrow arched, eyes swiveling, sticking yet another fag in his cakehole and preparing himself for an arctic cigarette break, “well, just you mind that you do, yeah?” James is pacified now. The kid that

got the lolly. It’s the slap-happy banter of a proper little family; the sort of family that might have a copper knock on the door from time to time but basically know that a clip round the ear is worth three social workers, and I couldn’t but help feeling rather cosy with them. I was almost expecting Tiny Tim to hobble in on his crutch and say: God bless us, every one! With Bully away, I asked James about his songs. “We’ve got an album done. It’s called Not All of These Songs are About You. If anyone wants a free copy, mail me at james_elmo@hotmail.com “I like stories, storytellers. I’ve got a lot of things going on inside me, but it only comes out on stage really. I bring

brother’s new trousers what I’d borrowed. Everything. Had to be carried upstairs and put to bed. Next morning, me mum, calm and collected, just said: ‘You better get yourself ready, you’ve got college this morning.” “We’re seeking sponsorship from Jack Daniels,” interjects James. “We don’t want much, just a case a month.” “My worst one was when my doctor told me to pack up lager and drink wine,” recollects Ray. “I went straight down the Tudor Rose and had four bottles of red. I was off it. Off. My. Face. All over the place. Had to be escorted home by the bar staff. Next morning it was like someone had stuck a drill bit through my head. I was in bed for four

“We’re seeking sponsorship from Jack Daniels. We don’t want much, just a case a month...” across my anger and emotions. “Musically, we’re influenced primarily by Nirvana. When we play, I like to think that we tear the place a new a*rsehole.” “MIND YOUR LANGUAGE, BOY!” Hold up, Bully’s back and the dear old boy buys yet another round. OK, I admit I’m biased – Bully’s been my drinking crony for many years (I am that vainglorious piss artist who ran his first band and many were the nights we savoured gin and tonics and the cream of Rock and Roll) – but you’ll never meet a finer fella to knock back a bumper with. I’m into my third large gin and tonic, all on The Hangovers’ tab. In fact, it’s time to talk hangovers. “My worst one was after a bottle of Jack when I was 17 and art college,” says Bully. “I was blind drunk. I was carried round the estate by all me mates, was left at the bus stop, poo-ed meself in Croydon McDonalds, sick all over me

days.” James’ worst hangover was the on the day they first jammed together. “I was just lying all over the floor. That was Jack Daniels as well.” They claim to be a democratic co-op of a band and I ask them about management. “We haven’t got a deal yet,” says James; “we’ve had offers but we’re looking for the right kind of thing really. We’ve got a manager though.” “Yeah, Skinhead Andy Franks,” explains Bully. “He’s lovely. Oldest skin in Purley he is. He was 65 the other week, bless him. We bought him a new pair o’ Doc Martens 14 eye-hole boots. Oxblood. When he first heard one of our demos he said: ‘That’s the most exciting number I’ve heard since Rock Around the Clock came out!’ Meant it an’ all.” I ask what input he has on the band.

“Dunno, really,” says Wayne. “Ain’t seen him for weeks. Lost his pension book down the back of the settee I heard. I dare say he’ll turn up again soon.” We’re all juiced up now and someone realises it’s quarter to midnight. James has gone to sleep next to Ray. Stretched out on the seat. It’s a long day for a young ‘un. “Where can I get a kebab?” asks Bully. “I ain’t had a kebab for a long old while. And my ‘arris still itches. What can I do about an itchy arse?” I told him it was likely his diet of sausage sandwiches and lager that was causing hemorrhoidal discomfort. I’d heard inserting a raw potato helps. “Gertcha,” says Bully – he is a great admirer of the works of Chas and Dave. James is awake again and wants to have a final picture taken – in the toilet upstairs. Bully, one eye shut (this alleviates double vision) says: “Well, we better get on and do it. I got work in the morning and I want a doner from down the road. I got a wife at home and a kid on the way. You haven’t. You keep on, you’ll see the back o’ my hand, boy!” James just shrieks with laughter and runs off. Bully sighs and smiles. Kids tire you out. I remember Ray’s comment about them being a family. And there’s no doubt about it. The only question is about roles. Is Ray Daddy or Mummy? Considering the mild yet firm restraining effect Bully has on James and his ability to impose martial order on this outfit at the drop of a hat, I’m inclined to think The Hangovers are a single parent family – Bully as indefatigable matriarch bringing up two boys; one a young shaver and the other a sensible, older boy (“I’m the quiet, gay one,” offers 36year-old Ray in a spirit of jest – he’s a happily married man.) who plays bass and mediates between Mother and youngest. James announces: “We’re a unit; nobody worms their way in – and nobody worms their way out, neither!” He is an absolutist. Here he is on their latest song: “Armageddon is about how when Armageddon happens, the safest place to be is in the pub!” As we leave, The Hangovers all say goodnight to each other very cheerily. It’s all a bit like a cross between The Filth and the Fury and The Waltons. As I walked away into the cold darkness I reflected what a nice bunch of rockers they are. A splendid advert for the Family as unit of civil society, in fact – and good honest punk rock. The Hangovers play the Ship on Wednesday 28th January

News-hound Happy news year. Oh dear...

eeing as though it’s a new year, we thought this month we’d do a run-down / catch-up of what some of our previous illustrious coverincumbents and interviewees are up to in 2009, and there’s quite a lot of it, although not much from the music side as all the musicians seem to be taking January off and haven’t sent us anything about what they’re all doing next year, which is annoying. Oddly comedians and actors seem to be the most organised, so it’s mostly them, but we’ll start with the most recent news anyway and then go all over the shop from there.... Firstly, we hear on the grapevine that Croydon’s own Natasha has got the green light to publish her Parental Advisory Manual, which we told you all about in November and which is great news. Read more and contribute at www.parentaladvisorymanual.co.uk The saga of the American Werewolf In London documentary, the brainchild of, again, Croydon’s own, Paul Davis is heading for a dramatic climax this year, as he explains; ‘Well, we returned to LA in November to oversee the final edit. The 98-minute documentary will be the main bonus feature on a brand new DVD/Blu-Ray release of An American Werewolf In London in October 09. It was scheduled to come out as early as March but with

the unfortunate delay of The Wolf Man (pushed back from April 3rd to November 6th) we have had to go back a bit with it. In the meantime we hope to see the documentary submitted to various film festivals around the world (including Frightfest in London - August 09) and I'm also in the midst of taking on two book projects - enough to keep me busy until the release’. We wait with interest to see if the premier will be held in sunny Croydon as originally mooted. Charley Boorman returns to acting in 2009 in the thriller Travellers. Written and directed by Kris McManus the film is described as ‘a modern plunge back into the worlds created by movies such as ‘Deliverance’ and ‘Southern Comfort’ with a gritty British Twang’. Find out more at www.travellersmovie.co.uk. Still at the cinema, Faintheart, the battle re-enactment comedy we told you about ages ago starring Jessica Hynes (along with Ewen Bremner, Kevin Eldon, Tim Healy, Paul Nicholls and more) which has been garnering great reviews from various previews, has been given a release date of Valentines Day, 14th Feb 2009. Watch the trailer and get more info at www.myspace.com/faintheartthemovie. And while we’re here, let’s not forget Hynes’ erstwhile writing partner, Simon Pegg, who also returns to the flicks in the Star Trek prequel thingummy (released 8th May) as ‘It cannae go any faster’ Scotty. Geek ahoy! www.startrek.com Meanwhile, on the telly, one of our

favourite people in the world at the moment, Kevin Bishop, fresh from some pissed-yet-inspired heckling at the British Comedy Awards and currently doing his thing in the always brilliant Star Stories on Channel 4, has a go at helping ITV, or rather ITV2, make a decent sitcom in the form of ‘FM’. Also starring Chris O’Dowd (the IT Crowd) and Nina Sosanya (Love Actually, Casanova), FM follows neurotic indie DJ Lindsay Carol and his co-workers at XFM-a-like Skin FM as they deal with pushy managers, divas and the “perils of skinny jeans". More telly comedy from Peep Show writers Sam Bain and Jesse Armstrong and their new sitcom, Old Guys, a sort of OAPeep Show starring Roger Lloyd Pack (Only Fools’ Trigger), Clive Swift (Keeping Up Appearances) and Jane Asher (everything wholesome), coming to BBC1 sometime later in the year - no dates available yet. Finally, let joy be unconfined as QI returns for a new series (F) on BBC1 on January 9th at 9pm. I know we haven’t managed to get Stephen Fry on the cover yet, but we’re working on it, oh yes, we’re working on it... In non-comedy telly news David Morrissey and an ensemble cast including Sean Bean, Paddy Considine, Lesley Sharp and more join together in Red Riding, a trilogy of interlinking films from Channel 4 adapted from David Peace’s cult noir novels set in Yorkshire in the 70’s and 80’s which are semifictional retellings of the Yorkshire Ripper and Stefan Kiszko cases. The Red Riding films are due to be aired in March 2009. If it’s a news article, it must be time for Bill Bailey news! The bonsai

meatloaf is as busy as ever, and has been the subject of another facebook campaign (and indeed a petition) to get the BBC to make him the next Doctor Who, which sadly came to naught (as too, incidentally, did our mate Nick Reeves contender status - bad luck Nick!) when Skeletor, I mean Matt Smith, got the gig. We still maintain that Sean ‘did I mention my Dad was Dr Who. And also Wurzel Gummidge’ Pertwee would’ve been a winner. Anyway, have a squizz at both the petition and the facebook group via Bill’s website news section (address below), they’ll be filled with righteous indignation by now probably. In the real world, Bill has extended his west end run of Tinselworm at The Gielgud Theatre into the new year, or January 24th, to be precise. Tickets are on sale now priced from £29 upwards and can be booked via his website www.billbailey.co.uk or by calling 0844 482 5130. Talking of the Doctor, as we were, David Tennant may have done his back in (I know how he feels) but his next Who special is scheduled for release this coming Easter - huzzah - and news from the RSC indicates he’s now back for the end of the run of Hamlet, to be

reassessed on a night-by-night basis as it’s such an energetic, fling yourself about performance - good lad! Try in vain for tickets at www.rsc.org.uk Meanwhile, Edward Bennett (i/v next month with any luck ahead of Midsummer Night’s Dream at the Novello), who was the chap I got pissed with in Stratford goes back to being Laertes from standing in as Hamlet and remains a bloody nice bloke to boot. Back to the funny and in comedy tour news, Al Murray, Pub Landlord, continues his Beautiful British Spring Tour landing everywhere there’s a proper boozer and culminating in a gig at the O2 on 9th May. Book now by calling 0844 856 0202 or visit his website at www.thepublandlord.com. Dylan Moran continues his ‘What It Is’ tour into the new year, which might be worth a visit for anyone who went to the Croydon show where the sound quality was appaling (which we believe was the venue’s fault rather than Moran’s crew’s, by the way). Dates and places etc from www.chortle.co.uk. Still in Croydon, Ross Noble comes to town on 9th April with his new ‘Things’ tour. Tickets are priced from £18-£20

and are on sale now from the Fairfield box office on 020 8688 9291 or online at www.fairfield.co.uk. For more dates etc see www.rossnoble.co.uk. For details on Jimmy Carr, Paul, Paul Merton, Kevin Bloody Wilson and erm, Ken Dodd, also at the Fairfield this year, again see the Fairfield website www.fairfield.co.uk. Elsewhere in, erm, comedy nut news, Harry’s Nuts, fairtrade peanuts endorsed by Harry Hill and produced in conjunction with liberation nuts, will be stocked in Sainsbury’s and Waitrose from early 2009. Strange but true. For more details visit www.chooseliberation.com / www.fairtrade.org.uk / www.harryhill.tv. Finally in magazine news, I’ve decided I probably need some advertising sales staff because I hate doing it so. The reason this is here is that if you’ve read down this far you must like the magazine, and that always helps. Anyone with relevant experience please feel free to get in contact with me via the usual means at the front of the mag. That is the end of the news, please return to what you were doing. Got news? e-mail: hello@deep-london.co.uk

Stockists: CENTRAL CROYDON: • All Bar One • Bar Red Square • Bar Se7en • Beanos Records • Bedford Tavern • Black Sheep Bar • Brief • Bull’s Head • Clocktower (Tourist Info) • Dog & Bull • Eagle • Fairfield Halls • Goose on the Market • Gun Tavern • Green Dragon • Half and Half Lounge Bar • Loop Pool Bar • Milan Bar • Mojama • Natterjacks (St George’s Walk) • Royal Standard • Ship • Spreadeagle • Steelpoint Tattoo • Strictly UK (Tramms) • Surrey Cricketers • Tiger Tiger • Timebomb Clothing • Walkabout • Yates’s Wine Lodge EAST CROYDON: • Builders Arms • Glamorgan • Orchard • Oval • Porter & Sorter • Tramlink Info Centre • Warehouse Theatre ADDISCOMBE: • Alma Tavern • Claret Free Hse • Cricketers

WEST CROYDON: • Bird in Hand • Bodyworks Whitehorse Rd • Davys Wine Bar • Forbidden Planet • Fox and Hounds • Windmill SOUTH END & SOUTH CROYDON: • Bodega • Croham Arms • Crown & Pepper • Crown & Sceptre • Earl of Eldon • Edge • Folly • Jalalis • Kays Off Licence • LA Fitness (Royal Oak) • La Spezia Deli (Old Pharmacy - Swan & Sugarloaf) • Laithwaite’s Wines (opp. Windsor Castle) • Peking Tasty • Purley Arms • Rail View • Red Deer • Rupali • Ruskin House • Sackville Gallery • Scream Studios • Stag & Hounds • Sth Croydon BR • Swan & Sugarloaf • Txt Bar • Treehouse • Unwins (Swan & Sugarloaf) • Wheelwrights Arms • Windsor Castle • Woodman • Zizzi PURLEY: • Baan Thai • Brass Monkey • Coffee Bay (by Purley BR) • Elliott’s • Jolly Farmers

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SANDERST’D: • Sanderstead BR • Stones Hair Salon • Wine Cellar SHIRLEY: • Cricketers • Crown • Sandrock • Shirley Inn • Surprise Inn

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what’s on Book Now For: • Comedy: Totally Looped TOTALLY LOOPED is a hilarious filmthemed show featuring Britain's top comedians. After taking Hollywood by storm, TOTALLY LOOPED comes to the UK for the first time. Sparked by audience suggestion, our comedians dub improvised dialogue over ever-changing film clips, as well as playing a range of film-themed comedy games. So join the cream of Britain's improv talent for a night at the movies. Only, not quite as you remember them! ‘The only thing more fun than performing in Totally Looped is watching Totally Looped and laughing myself silly!' --Dan Castellaneta (The Voice of Homer Simpson) Looping in the UK will be: Phill Jupitus, Marcus Brigstock, Sanjeev Bhaskar, Hattie Hayridge, Joe Liss, Toby Hadoke, Pippa Evans, The Penny Dreadfuls, Natalie Haverstock, Tom Wateracre. The show will run 2 Feb - 15 March at 22 top-flight venues throughout the UK. For dates and places visit www.totallylooped.co.uk • Theatre: Frankenstein EXIT THEATRE CO-OP Proudly presents FRANKENSTEIN 1930. Adapted from Mary Shelley’s book by Fred Carmichael at the Charles Cryer Studio Theatre 39 High Street, Carshalton SM5 3BB Thurs.12th, Fri.13th & Sat.14th February 2009 7.45pm + Matinee Sat.14th at 2pm. BOX OFFICE TEL: 020 8770 6990 Tickets £9.50/£7 concs.

Every Day: • Theatre: Yound Dick Barton Until Sunday 22nd February - NOT MONDAYS. This new episode takes Dick back to his early days travelling from stiff upper lip 1930s Britain to Australia via Arabia trying to unravel the decipher and foil another evil plot. A legendary tweed suit promises its wearer ultimate power. Dick must scour the globe to reunite the pieces of the mysterious suit, to stop it falling into the wrong hands - and to win the girl of his dreams. With nonstop action The Devil Wears Tweed features new songs, brings back favourite characters and introduces familiar faces from the past - from Hollywood's Irving Berlin to cricket hero Don Bradman. "An energetic and

Something to do every night of the week, Yay! talented cast tell this tale of derring-do with great aplomb. As well as delivering virtuoso comic performances, they also sing with vigour, and even double up as the band for the musical numbers - such dashed good fun!' The Times on a previous episode. Various times and prices. Please call 020 8680 4060 or visit the website www.warehousetheatre.co.uk The Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, Croydon • Event: Ice Skating The glorious Somerset House Ice Rink stays open until January 25th. “Open all day and into the night seven days a week until the end of January, Somerset House Ice Rink is a treat for every Londoner. Friends can celebrate the festive season at moonlit Late Skate sessions, or skate to London's sharpest DJs at DJ Nights in January. Everyone can hone their skills at January's Skate School. The Skate Café and Bar is open from breakfast to late evening daily with a tempting selection of quality comfort food and hot drinks. Spectators are always welcome to come along and watch, so bring friends and relax in the cafe after your skate or round off the night with a glass of bubbly. Tickets from £10.50 - £15. Family tickets available. Somerset House, Strand, London WC2R 1LA Booking: 0844 847 1520 (booking with Ticketmaster) www.somersethouse.org.uk • Exhibition: Statue Philia Until 25 January 2009 The British Museum has one of the world’s most celebrated and diverse collections of sculpture, dating from prehistory to the present day. Since its foundation in 1753, the Museum has consistently engaged with the contemporary world, both in its collecting and its displays. These two themes are brought together in Statuephilia, for which five of Britain’s leading artists have contributed a sculpture responding to these worldfamous collections. Renowned British sculptor Henry Moore spoke of ‘the delight, the excitement, the inspiration’ he received from his visits to the British Museum, and this remains true for the sculptors of today. Antony Gormley and 21

Ron Mueck are represented here by monumental sculptures, Marc Quinn premieres a dazzling gold statue of Kate Moss, while Damien Hirst and Noble and Webster have created provocative new works inspired by the Museum’s collections. These five installations show how our understanding of modern art can be deepened by placing it in an historic, global context and reveal just how relevant the art of the past is to today. Statuephilia encourages us to look afresh at both modern and ancient art, to explore the similarities as well as differences between eras and cultures, and to remind ourselves of the perennial power of sculpture. FREE ADMISSION The Museum is open daily, 10.00–17.30 The British Museum, Great Russell Street, London WC1B 3DG www.britishmuseum.org

Every Monday: • Market: Surrey Street London’s oldest continuously running market since 1276, with fruit and veg, bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food, all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydon www.surreystreetmarket.com • Music: Free Your Voice World a capella singing drop-in. Beginners 6.30pm, intermediate 7.45pm. Workshop rooms at The Clocktower, Katharine Street. For more details phone Cate on 020 8683 4737 or e-mail catherine@naturalvoice.net. • Music: Folk and Blues Club From 8pm. Prices vary depending on artist. Call Brian on 0208 698 5322 for further info. Licensed bar. Ruskin House,Coombe Road, CRO. • Music: Big Beer Band The 8 million Big Beer Band musicians do their big-band thang at the Brief. From 9pm ish TheBrief, George Street, Croydon • Games: Free Pool Every Monday at The Alma. The Alma Tavern 129 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0, 020 8654 5842 • Lifestyle: Croydon Life Club Every Monday 7.30-9.00pm £15.00 per workshop (Concessions given) Croydon Life Club, St Mildred’s Centre Bingham Road, Addiscombe, CR0 7EB More info visit: www.lifeclubs.co.uk

what’s on • Dance: Ballroom & Latin American Ballroom and latin American classes with stars from BB1 show “Strictly Come Dancing” Fairfield Halls Croydon on Monday evenings for all abilities. 8 week course. Booking essential. Telephone 07944 931130, www.karenhardystudios.com

Every Tuesday: • Market: Surrey Street London’s oldest continuously running market since 1276, with fruit and veg, bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food, all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydon www.surreystreetmarket.com • Fitness: Yoga Classes Every Tuesday from 7.30pm-9pm. £5 a class for 6 sessions. Beginners welcome. 140 Brighton Road, Purley. 0208 763 2629 • Dance: Belly Dancing Come and join the fun every Tuesday. Classes are for women only and suitable for all ages, sizes and levels of ability. Make sure you wear comfortable clothing and bring a scarf to tie around your hips to really get you in the mood! Open level - suitable for all 6pm7.15pm In depth class - suitable for experienced dancers only: 7.30pm8.45pm. £7 per class. Call Charlotte Desorgher on 01342 850423 The Green Room, Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, CR9 1DG. Box Office: 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Dance: Ceroc Learn to Ceroc every Tuesday in the Arnhem Gallery. Ceroc is an exciting and stylish modern partner dance which can be performed to all types of music. It’s very easy to pick up, no special clothes are required and you don’t need to bring a partner as we make sure everyone mixes together. Beginners: 8pm; Intermediate: 9pm Freestyle: 9.30pm-11pm Membership £2, Admission £6 For further info tel: 020 8466 5030 or visit: www.cerockent.com Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, CR9 1DG. Box Office: 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk

• Quiz: The Builders Arms General knowledge quiz, always well supported, from 9pm. The Builders Arms • Quiz: The Sandrock Music/general knowledge quiz from 8.30pm every Tuesday. The Sandrock, Upper Shirley Rd, Shirley, CR0. 020 8662 1931. • Quiz: The Crown From 8.30pm The Crown, 28 Wickham Road, Shirley, 020 8662 7801 • Quiz: Dog and Bull from 9ish. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Club: Beautiful People Beautiful people is on every Tuesday night. This long running alternative night continues to leap ahead having been ahead of the pack in the past playing nu-metal and screamo we are now moving into playing a majority of emo. Our recent celebrity visitors have included My Chemical Romance (we were first UK club to play them) and Alkaline trio alongside them we championed Fallout Boy and Panic at the Disco. Resident DJ Zoe Urchin also blends in ska (Mad Caddies to Specials to Desmond Dekker) and punk ( Undertones to Afi to Green day to Minor Threat) some new school rock (Trivium to Queens of stone age) and a pinch of hip hop and dance (Pendulum to Kano). Drinks deals are an unbeatable £2 for Jack daniels and coke, £1.50 for house spirits and two bottled beers for £3 11pm-3am. £3 flyer/conc before midnight £5 after or otherwise all night theres a full listing, downlaodable flyer, photo gallery , Djs picks and links to our my space page www.wolfshead.co.uk Metro, Basement 19 Oxford Street London W1, www.wolfshead.co.uk • Club: Common People The best indie night in your life! EVER! £1 entry before 10pm, £2 after, £1 drinks till 11pm! Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar

Every Wednesday: • Market: Surrey Street London’s oldest continuously running market since 1276, with fruit and veg, bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food, all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydon www.surreystreetmarket.com • Event: Pool Competition NEW! The weekly pool competition returns to the Oval, from 7pm. £2 in, cash prizes. The Oval Tavern, Oval Road, East Croydon. • Gay: Club Camp GAY night at the sheep with cabaret at 11pm + electro, sleeze and cheese till late from Linton. Doors at 8pm, £5 after 9pm www.blacksheepbar.com/clubcamp. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Gay: Camp Bingo - NEW hosted by Miss Isla Blige. Starts 8pm with various prizes. Happy Hour Drinks when you buy your books until the first number is called. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net

Every Thursday: • Market: Surrey Street London’s oldest continuously running market since 1276, with fruit and veg, bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food, all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydon www.surreystreetmarket.com • Music: Live Jazz Every Thursday lunchtime from 12.30pm. FREE! Cafe Opera, Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, CR0. 020 8253 1030. www.croydon.gov.uk/clocktower • Music: The New Delta Big Band From Ellington to Herman, big band jazz at its best! 8.15pm to 11pm. FREE! Every 1st and 3rd Thursday of the month. The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Music: The Brian Hetherington Jazz Band Listen or jive to the authentic rythyms of New Orleans. 8.30pm-11pm. FREE! Every 2nd and 4th Thursday of the

what’s on month. The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Music: Open Mic at The Good Companions, Hamsey Green, South Croydon, every Thursday 8.30 p.m. Musicians ( Guitarists or others with any ‘reasonable’ instrument ), Duo’s, Trios, Singers, welcome Tel: 0208 6576655. wwwthegoodcompanions.com The Good Companions, Hamsey Green, South Croydon • Club: Xplosive The Wolfshead alternative mafia try a new night at this poular South London bar known up until now for its dance events just around the corner from Brixton tube. Into its plush surroundings will come DJ Zoe Urchin and guests cunningly blendingly together an eclectic romp through the alternative genre featuring indie (Arctics to White Stripes), emo, (My Chemical Romance to Panic at the Dsico), alternative rock ( System of a Down to Green Day), punk (Misfits to Blink 182) ,ska ( Specials to Less than jake)and alternative dance (Pendulum to Kanye). Drinks deals are Jack daniels and coke £2.50, house spirits and mixer £2.00 and 2 selected beers for £3. 10pm- 3am £3 before midnight, £5 after less for students/flyers/members. flyer to download at website www.wolfshead.co.uk Tongue and Groove, 50 Atlantic Road Brixton • Gay: Discotek Midweek gay music club with world class music. Two rooms of music every Thursday with 'The Phunked Up Disco' in the lounge and pumping house vibes in the main room. Resident DJs Femi B, Jeffrey Hinton, Luke Hope, Guy Williams, Paul Heron, Tom McMillan, plus international and UK guests. Weekly pre-party @ The Edge and Candy Bar (from 2100) The End, 18 West Central St London WC1A 1JJ. 020 7419 9199 www.endclub.com • Club: Rock Night South London’s biggest and best rock night. Live music every Thursday from 8-9.30. FREE before 10pm and most drinks are at happy hour prices till 9pm...what more do you want?! Bands are followed by DJ Tony X. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233.

www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Dance: Salsa De Cuba with Leo & Co. Classes from 8pm followed by club salsa until 1am. The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632. • Dance: Simply Salsa Learn to dance salsa every Thursday. Beginners welcome. No partner required. Classes from 7.30pm, club til midnight. Admission £7.00 class and club, £3.00 club only. It’s fun and friendly, monthly Sunday’s also!! For further info. simplysalsa@ukonline.co.uk 07957 431216 or 07759 584591 The Treehouse, South End, Croydon • Dance: Clog Dancing Free taster sessions for newcomers to try out some lively N.W. English clog team dances - wear trainers or similar footwear. Musicians with portable acoustic instruments always welcome too. PLEASE CALL BEFORE HEADING OUT, as some Thursdays this night is not on. 8.30 pm. FREE! Call 020 8654 5211/020 8657 4056 (eves.) for details United Reformed Church Hall, corner Enmore/Cobden Road, S. Norwood • Dance: Morris Dancing North Wood Morris Men are teaching Men's Morris to complete beginners on Thursday evenings at the Scout Hut in Purley Park Road at 8.15 pm and newcomers are welcome (first call 020 8668 1830) see www.northwoodmorris.org.uk • Dance: Soca / Calypso Beginners welcome and rum punch served! The Newton Arms, 175 Queens Road, Croydon, 020 8684 7654 • Dance: The South East London Lindy Hop Club Come and learn to dance Lindy Hop (Jitterbug) like they did in the 1940's. No partner required and Caron and Steve specialise in helping those with two left feet get together with those with two right. Doors open 7.30pm Beginners Class 7.45pm Intermediate Class 8.30pm Freestyle (practice) 9.15pm The Royston Club, 85 Royston Road Penge, London, SE20 7QW www.52ndstreetjump.co.uk • Karaoke: Arkwrights Wheel All together now... Arkwrights Wheel, 151 North End, CR0. 020 8649 8638. 23

• Karaoke: Selhurst Arms Thursday night would appear to be karaoke night bleedin’ everywhere... From 8pm. Selhurst Arms, Selhurst Rd, SE25. • Quiz: Purley Arms Quiz-a-rama, every Thursday from 8.30pm, £1 in for cash prizes + other goodies. Purley Arms, 345 Brighton Road, South Croydon, 020 8686 3792 • Quiz: Cricketers General knowlegde quiz with £50 prize. The Cricketers, 47 Shirley Rd, CR0 7ER 020 8655 3507 • Music: Boulevard Live music while you eat. Boulevard, 7-8 Ruskin Parade, Selsdon Road, South Croydon. 020 8649 9990. • Music: Open Mic Quiz Night at The Good Companions 8.00 p.m. ww.thegoodcompanions.com Limpsfield Road, South Croydon 0208 657 6655 • Quiz: The Valley From 9.00pm Mike K’s general knowledge quiz The Valley, 76 Croydon Road, Caterham

Every Friday: • Market: Surrey Street London’s oldest continuously running market since 1276, with fruit and veg, bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food, all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydon www.surreystreetmarket.com • Photography: Camera Club Camera Club meeting in West Croydon every Friday night welcomes visitors and new members. Full programme of events including print/slide talks, portrait evenings, competitions, etc. Ample parking. Contact Colin on 020 8665 1678. Visit www.thorntonheathcameraclub.co.uk • Club: DJ Night Every Friday. Pistols, Brighton Road, Coulsdon • Club: Upstairs DJ's including Louis from Choice FM. Drink promotion from 9pm - 11pm with all house spirits £2. The only club in Croydon licensed until 3am. Entry £3 before 11pm and £5 after. Free entry to diners of the restaurant. Guest list and venue hire available, please contact 020 8688 9837 for details. www.treehousepeople.com Upstairs, above Treehouse restaurant

what’s on 78 South End, CR0 020 8688 9837 • Music: DJ Party Night The Newton Arms, 175 Queens Road, Croydon, 020 8684 7654 • Karaoke: Karaoke Madness Singalong fun with Jerry Baker & Co in the bar from 9pm. The Norbury, The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632. • Club: Club Zone following on from Karaoke Madness is Club Zone @ The Edge Nightclub playing club & party classics with guest DJs, open til 3am. The Edge Nightclub, The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632. • Club: Dj Steve Mapp in the main room Dj Mark B in Surfers All Drinks £1.50 5pm to 9pm Dress code: Smart casual. Walkabout, Crown Hill, Croydon • Karaoke: Forestdale Arms Featherbed Lane, CR0. 020 8651 1260. • Karaoke: Swan & Sugarloaf Swan and Sugarloaf, 1 Brighton Rd, CR0. 020 8686 2562 • Karaoke: The Norbury From 9pm. The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632. • Music: Alma Tavern Live music. Alma Tavern, 129 Lwr Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8654 5842. • Music: Jolly Farmers Live music every Friday Jolly Farmers, 7 High Street, Purley (on Purley Cross) 020 8660 2076 • Singles: Swan & Sugarloaf Over 30 single’s night in the function room. Swan and Sugarloaf, 1 Brighton Rd, CR0. 020 8686 2562 • Music: Mama K’s Blues Bar Mama K's blues bar, run by local blues/rock musicians, open jam from 8 pm, full backline provided. Main band 10pm. Licensed bar. £2 entry. Ruskin House,Coombe Road, CRO. 020 8661 0183

Every Saturday: • Market: Surrey Street London’s oldest continuously running market since 1276, with fruit and veg, bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food, all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydon www.surreystreetmarket.com

• Dance: Bollywood Groove & Bhangra Funky and energetic dance class. Beginners and improvers welcome. Come along and bring your friends. From 12.30pm – 1.30pm. £5 a class. Free parking available. Ground Floor, Dance & Drama Studio Archbishop Lanfranc, Croydon, Surrey, CR9 3AS. Tel: 020 8776 1717 or 07932 530 370 • Games: Pool Competition From 3pm. Old Derby, 44 Pitlake, CR0. 020 8688 5674. • Games: Pool / Domino Tournaments in the afternoon - call for more details. The Newton Arms, 175 Queens Road, Croydon, 020 8684 7654 • Music: DJ Party Night The Newton Arms, 175 Queens Road, Croydon, 020 8684 7654 • Music: Jolly Farmers Live music every Saturday Jolly Farmers, 7 High Street, Purley (on Purley Cross) 020 8660 2076 • Club: Saturday Night With Linton and Friends A plethora of musical carnage from the beast of butch and his followers… Dance floor fillers, cheese and sleaze. Open til stupid-o’clock in the morning. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: The Big Double Classic hits in the bar from 9pm followed by guest acts and DJs at The Edge, open til 3am. The Norbury & The Edge Nightclub. The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632 • Club: Dj Andy B in the main room & Dj Randy T in surfers All drinks £1.50 7pm to 9pm Dress code: Smart casual. Walkabout, Crown Hill, Croydon • Club: Upstairs See ‘Every Friday’ for full details. Upstairs, above Treehouse restaurant 78 South End, CR0, 020 8688 9837 • Music: Live Music - NEW Every Saturday. Pistols, Brighton Road, Coulsdon

Every Sunday: • Music: Open Mic Acoustic ‘ Open Mike’ night at The Jolly Farmers, Purley, every Sunday 8.45 p.m. Tel: 0208 6602076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk The Jolly Farmers, on ‘Purley Cross’, Purley • Quiz: Good Companions Quiz Night at The Good Companions 8.00 p.m. www.thegoodcompanions.com Limpsfield Road, South Croydon 0208 657 6655 • Music: Open Mic All welcome! The Newton Arms, 175 Queens Road, Croydon, 020 8684 7654 • Karaoke: Karaoke Madness With Jacko and Co + DJ in the bar til 1am. The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632 • Club: Disco Gold Until 1am. FREE! before 10pm. The Edge Nightclub. The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632 • Club: Croydon Backgammon Club Sundays from 8PM. Ruskin House, Coombe Road, Croydon • Quiz: Forestdale Arms Weekly music quiz. Forestdale Arms, Featherbed Lane, CR0. 020 8651 1260 • Quiz: The Crown From 8.30pm The Crown, 28 Wickham Road, Shirley, 020 8662 7801 • Quiz: The Rail View Every Sunday from 8.30pm. The Rail View 188 Selsdon Rd, CR2 020 8688 2315 • Quiz: The Kenley Hotel From 9.00pm Mike K’s general knowledge quiz The Kenley Hotel, 68, Godstone Road, Kenley CR8 5AA • Music: Live New Orleans Jazz Every Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at The Lord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dance floor, raffle, great atmosphere at one of the longest running Jazz Pubs in Great Britain The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286

Got something going on? Let us know e-mail: angela@deep-london.co.uk

what’s on Thu 01 January 2009 HAPPY NEW YEAR! • Event: National Hangover Day It’s National Hangover Day at The Dragon! Come down for Fry-Ups, Water, maybe even Hair Of The Dog. And if you've got your head together by the evening, join Wendy's Pub Quiz... Open from midday - 10.30pm The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Live Blues Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Club: ALT X South London's biggest rock and metal night with DJ Tony X. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm www.blacksheepbar.com/thursday Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: The New Delta Big Band From Ellington to Herman, big band jazz at its best! 8.15pm to 11pm. FREE! Every 1st and 3rd Thursday of the month. The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Quiz: JF Big Quiz From 8pm. The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Rd, Purley Surrey CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Quiz: Crown and Sceptre Fun general knowledge quiz. Every Thursday from 9pm. Crown and Sceptre, 32 Junction Road, South Croydon, 020 8688 8037 • Club: Keep It Moving Details tbc Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com

Fri 02 • Poetry: Poets Anonymous New Year’s Resolution - Friday Poetry at the Dog and Bull, Surrey Street,

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on Croydon, Surrey. Floor spots. From 8pm. £2 waged, £1 unwaged. Contact Peter for further details; peter@poetsanon.org.uk, 020 8645 9956 • Karaoke: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8.30pm every Friday night. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Club: WTF with DJ Zoe Urchin serving up the best Indie, Pop and Alternative all night long. guitar party night playing a wide range of music crossing genres and time lines : from cutting edge new stuff like MGMT, Vampire Weekend via indie superstars Stone Roses, Primal Scream through electro like Justice, Does It Offend You Yeah and Pendulum to more well known retro guitar stars like Blondie, Buzzcocks, Specials, Beatles and alternative rock tunes like Biffy Clyro, Foo Fighters and Fallout boy. Doors 7pm, free entry before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website for times and prices. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Music: DJs The regular Oval faves plus guests keeping the Oval funky on Fridays The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern

Sat 03 • Club: DJ Rob Delta playing a gargantuan mix of 60s + 70s soul, blues, rock, funk, jazz, latin, psychedelia, reggae & ska every 1st Saturday of the month. 8pm. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Club: DJ LInton Dance bombs. Funk Rockets. Beatseeking missiles. Never outgunned The biggest dancefloor monsters from DJ LINTON Because it's war on the dancefloor. Doors 7pm, £5 after 10pm Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 25

020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: Drum ‘n’ Bass Night DnB DJs. The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday The Gun Tavern, Crown Hill, Croydon • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday Portmanor, Portland Road, South Norwood, SE25 4UF • Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website for times and prices. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk

Sun 04 • Music: Live New Orleans Jazz Every Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at The Lord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dance floor, raffle, great atmosphere at one of the longest running Jazz Pubs in Great Britain The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath. 020 8653 2286 • Music: Live Jazz Lunchtime Jazz - act tbc, 1pm start. FREE! www.jazznet.co.uk The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Live Blues Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Quiz: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8pm. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Club: Noise Details tbc, check the website... Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Music: Open Mic Sundays Live music every Sunday The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon

what’s on

Please mention Deep-London when visiting venues... • Music: Live Acoustic Live Acoustic Music every Sunday from 5.30pm - 7.00pm. for more info visit www.halfandhalf.uk.com Half and Half Lounge Bar, 282 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NG 020 8726 0080 • Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website for times and prices. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Music: Open Mic The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Music: Open Mic Jam evening, acoustic open mic. All welcome.. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Event: Malden Mud Race Go and watch a load of nutters try to race across a sea of mud. 11.30am. Entry £1. Promenade Park, Maldon, Essex www.maldonmudrace.com

Mon 05 • Music: The Big Beer Band Live big-band music. Every Monday from 9ish. FREE! The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Croydon Jazz Band Big band jazz - 1st Monday of every month Botley Hill Farmhouse, Limpsfield Road, Warlingham Surrey, CR6 9QH. Phone: 01959 577154 email: enquiries@botleyhillfarmhouse.co.uk • Music: Croydon Folk and Blues Club Every Monday From 8pm. Croydon Folk Club, Ruskin House, 23 Coombe Road, Croydon, 020 8660 5919 e mail:- croydonfolkclub@aol.com, www.croydonfolksongclub.org.uk Tickets from:- www.wegottickets.com • Gay: The Big Fun Gay Quiz Night The Big Fun Gay Quiz Night – fun and general knowledge quiz. Questions from all categories, games that everyone can enjoy. Start the week off with a bang! Starts 8pm. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road,

Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Club: Blue Mondays Free Pool all day or all night if you work locally in Croydon* Every Monday all of our members who work in Croydon, can enjoy the pleasure of free pool all day & night, so long as you buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar. It's as simple as that! So if you feel the itch to play a frame, but not to feel it in your pocket, get down to Loop on Mondays! * How to claim your free pool on Mondays - Free pool if you work in Croydon and buy 2 drinks. If you work in Croydon and are a member of Loop Lounge, bring down a payslip or similar proof of where you work. Then buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar and you can play pool for all day or all evening at Loop Lounge. If you are not a member you can join up at reception free of charge if you bring some ID along. More about free membership.. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Panto: Peter Pan Starring Brian Blessed. See website for times and prices. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk

Tue 06 • Event: Anna’s Cocktail Night The Oval does kitsch! Great house cocktail menu complete with twiglets on the bar. Watch out for Djs and guest live music slots. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Quiz: The Dog and Bull From 9pm-ish, a quiz, a game of play your cards right and a sing-song. Mental. 50p in including sarnies. See article, April issue. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Games: Poker Night Every Tuesday Walkabout Croydon,12-18 Crown Hill Church street, Surrey, CR0 1RZ Tel: 0208 680 5559 www.myspace.com/walkaboutcroydon www.walkabout.eu.com • Club: Common People cheap drinks till 11pm with pure Indie and dancefloor tunes from The Spiv's. 26

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... Doors 7pm, £1 entry. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Cocktail Tuesdays Every Tuesday night Loop gives our members and guests a opportunity to sample our new range of cocktails. If the cocktails get their seal of approval we gladly introduce them onto our existing cocktail list. Buy two cocktails for only £6, with this fabulous offer. Come on down every Tuesday and go cocktail crazy!. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Pool: Pool Competition downstairs. 8pm start The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub

Wed 07 • Event: Pool Competition From 7pm - balls and banter, a textbook night in the pub. £2 to enter - cash prizes. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Dance: Dancercise Keep fit and meet new people at this fun and friendly beginners dance class. Come and join the fun every Wednesday. 7.30pm. £3.50. Central Court, Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Quiz: The Edge Weekly quiz: gen knowledge / music / sport / missing link / mystery year. £50 bar tab to the winner. 8pm. £1 per person entry The Edge, 1 South End, Croydon • Club: 2 Hours Free Pool Members-only offer. If you are a member of Loop Lounge and spend more than £8 on drinks at the bar you will receive two hours of pool for free. If you are not already a member, membership is free but must be applied for in advance. Admission Midday until midnight Free admission Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Gay: Camp Bingo hosted by Miss Isla Blige – drinks at Happy Hour Prices from when you buy

your books until the first number is called. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Dance: Salsa Lessons Every Wednesday from 8pm. £3. The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/the_brief

From 8pm. The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Rd, Purley Surrey CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Quiz: Crown and Sceptre Fun general knowledge quiz. Every Thursday from 9pm. Crown and Sceptre, 32 Junction Road, South Croydon, 020 8688 8037

Thu 08

Fri 09

• Music: The Brian Hetherington Jazz Band Listen or jive to the authentic rythyms of New Orleans. 8.30pm-11pm. FREE! Every 2nd and 4th Thursday of the month. The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Music: Live Blues Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Quiz: JF Big Quiz

• Music: DJs The regular Oval faves plus guests keeping the Oval funky on Fridays The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Club: WTF with DJ Zoe Urchin serving up the best Indie, Pop and Alternative all night long. guitar party night playing a wide range of music crossing genres and time lines : from cutting edge new stuff like MGMT, Vampire Weekend via indie superstars Stone Roses, Primal Scream through electro like Justice, Does It Offend You Yeah and Pendulum to more well known retro guitar stars like Blondie, Buzzcocks, Specials, Beatles and alternative rock tunes like Biffy Clyro, Foo Fighters and

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... Fallout boy. Doors 7pm, free entry before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Karaoke: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8.30pm every Friday night. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Club: DJ BennyManyHats FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Comedy: Croydon Comedy Club Live stand-up at the Fairfield, every fortnight. 8.30pm - £9. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk

Sat 10 • Poetry: Poets Anonymous Saturday Poetry in the Primary Room, United Reformed Church, Addiscombe Grove, Croydon, Surrey. 2.30-4.00pm. £1.50. Bring your poetry to read and share. Contact Peter for further details;

peter@poetsanon.org.uk, 020 8645 9956 • Club: DJ Sam playing a plethora of aural delights. FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Club: DJ Linton Dance bombs. Funk Rockets. Beatseeking missiles. Never outgunned. The biggest dancefloor monsters from DJ LINTON. Because it's war on the dancefloor. Doors 7pm.. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: Ten Foot Nun / Arcane Roots / Eureka Machine A Frantic Promos night of live music. From 8pm. A 16+ event - bring ID. The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday The Gun Tavern, Crown Hill, Croydon • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday Portmanor, Portland Road, South Norwood, SE25 4UF

• Music: Size Nine 9pm-2am. Email sizenineband@hotmail.co.uk for £6 concessions Size Nine on stage at 11pmish Water Rats, 328 Grays Inn Road, London WC1X 8BZ • Music: Debbie Freer RnB & pop. 9.25pm. FREE! Jolly Farmers, Purley www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk

Sun 11 • Music: Live Blues Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Music: Live Jazz Lunchtime Jazz. Act tbc. 1pm start. FREE! www.jazznet.co.uk The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Music: Open Mic Sundays Live music every Sunday The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Live New Orleans Jazz Every Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at The Lord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dance floor, raffle, great atmosphere at one of the longest running Jazz Pubs in Great Britain The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 www.fairfield.co.uk • Music: Open Mic FREE! The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Quiz: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8pm. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Music: Open Mic Jam evening, acoustic open mic. All welcome.. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... • Club: Bangers The live hip-hop jam. Featuring: Kingpin - E.O.W HOST, The Krate Krusaders MPC PRODUCTION SHOWCASE DEFT - Croydon connection show - the latest compilation from the Cronx Marvin Hagglar - SMOOTH OG RHYMES. Hosted by Olliver Sudden DJ's: Blue Movies + Al Mighty + Marko live artwork from TJ + guests. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Theatre: Circus Of Horrors Apocalypse In The Asylum - brand new show. 8pm. £12.50 - 21.50 Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk

proof of where you work. Then buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar and you can play pool for all day or all evening at Loop Lounge. If you are not a member you can join up at reception free of charge if you bring some ID along. More about free membership.. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Gay: The Big Fun Gay Quiz Night fun and general knowledge quiz. Questions from all categories, games

Mon 12 • Music: The Big Beer Band Live big-band music. Every Monday from 9ish. FREE! The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Croydon Folk and Blues Club Every Monday From 8pm. Croydon Folk Club, Ruskin House, 23 Coombe Road, Croydon, 020 8660 5919 e mail:- croydonfolkclub@aol.com, www.croydonfolksongclub.org.uk Tickets from:- www.wegottickets.com • Club: Monday Club half price drinks until 12pm, with music from The Katie and Alex Show. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Blue Mondays Free Pool all day or all night if you work locally in Croydon* Every Monday all of our members who work in Croydon, can enjoy the pleasure of free pool all day & night, so long as you buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar. It's as simple as that! So if you feel the itch to play a frame, but not to feel it in your pocket, get down to Loop on Mondays! * How to claim your free pool on Mondays - Free pool if you work in Croydon and buy 2 drinks. If you work in Croydon and are a member of Loop Lounge, bring down a payslip or similar 29

what’s on that everyone can enjoy. Start the week off with a bang! Starts 8pm The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net

Card of Reason Eat some food!

Buy bar snacks for all of your group...

Smoking Bonus

You must drink your drink in the beer garden, if the pub has one, regardless of the weather or if you smoke

GET OUT OF JAIL FREE!

You are exempt from the in-jail round. Re-throw from the pub youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re in...

Super Lottery Play a ÂŁ1 game on the next quiz/fruit machine you see...

4 Card of Horror

Buy everyone in your group a dangerously colourful drink in the next pub you arrive at...

Forfeit

Lead your group in a sing-along or conga. Attempt to involve as many people as possible...

Forfeit

How To Play: Get some people together to form a team, some cash and a die. If you play the basic game there is no ‘winner’, it’s the taking part that counts... Start at Go. Throw the die and proceed to the pub that corresponds to the number thrown. You can move either way around the board. Have a drink in the pub landed on. Repeat... Minimum number of pubs possible in one round: 4. Maximum number: 20 Variations: Race Game: Get at least 2 teams of 4, each with a board and die. Decide on a start /finish point/pub. Meet up, split up, play the basic game and see who gets back to the start/finish point first. Suicidal Game: Abandon the dice and visit every pub in turn, again in either direction. Corner Squares: If you land on any of the corner squares, stay where you are and have another drink. The game then resumes by rethrowing from the pub you are in. Go To Jail: Land here and it’s your round in whichever pub you are currently in. The player who lands here then re-throws, starting from the pub you’re still in. If they get an odd number, they buy the next round too. Throw an even number and you’re free! Chance: If you land on either a red or blue chance square, stay where you are and re-throw the die. Obey the corresponding chance card of that number and colour. Rethrow again to move on.

Dividend

The person sitting directly to your left owes you a drink...

Spirit Card

Roll the die. Evens= order everyone in your group a single spirit of their choice, Odds= order a double

Card of Reason Eat some food! Buy bar snacks for all of your group...

BONUS PUBS: You are at the mercy of the bar staff, proffer your copy of Croydopoly! at them and see what happens, could be nothing, could be something - who knows... Legal Stuff: All pubs reserve the right to refuse admission. Please drink responsibly and know your limits. Deep cannot be held responsible for any loss / damage etc. www.drinkaware.co.uk

You’ve won 2nd prize in a beauty contest. Attempt to explain this to a member of the opposite sex, not in your group...

Super Tax Stay in the pub you are in for another drink.

It’s your round...

Be Nice Bonus Buy whoever is serving you a drink of their choice

A Vaguely Helpful Map!

• Station Cars Sanderstead Sanderstead BR, 020 8657 5550, 020 8657 1110 or 8657 5588

• Station Cars Purley 10 Station Approach, Purley, CR8, 020 8660 6000 or 020 8668 8848

• Roadrunners 174 North End, CR0, 0800 147369 or 020 8681 8700

• Kendall Cars 11 Epsom Road, CR0 and 20 Station Road, CR0. 020 8681 3535

• Derby Minicabs 1 Derby Road, CR0, 020 8680 5566 or 020 8680 7799

• Croydon Central Cars 35 South End, CR0, 020 8686 4444 or 020 8686 4499

• Croydon Carriage Co 270 Wickham Road, CR0, 020 8656 1313

• Circuit Cars 12 South End, CR0, 020 8680 4321

• A1 Minicabs 307 London Road, CR0, 020 8683 3535 or 020 8684 5050

• Comcab Black Cab Booking 020 8681 3333

• Cabsafe on Katharine Street from 10pm-4am Thursday-Saturday

• Black Cab Ranks at East Croydon Station and on the High Street outside Time-Bomb shop

Getting home: Is quite important, so here are a few cab details...

Dress Codes: As far as we know none of the pubs involved have a dress code, but be aware that we will be publishing pictures from various games in future issues of Deep, so you might want to look a bit nice, you know, for your mum...

Opening Times: All of the pubs are open all day apart from: The Oval closes at 3pm and reopens 4.30pm weekdays, open all day weekends. The Glamorgan opens at 4.30pm Saturdays, closed Sundays, open all day during the week. Half and Half opens at midday weekdays and at 3pm at weekends Treehouse opens at 5pm weekdays, open all day weekends

Expert Advice: Thank you for choosing Croydopoly!TM as an entertainment option. Your highly experienced cabin crew will now take you through the safety procedures... As Croydopoly!TM experts, we advise you start your game in the early evening at 6/7pm-ish - you don’t want to peak too soon and all the pubs will by that time be open and prepared for some amount of jollity. Don’t forget, you have to show your face in these places after the game so, erm, don’t do anything we wouldn’t do, basically. Above all, stay safe, people, and good luck. That is the end of the briefing. Please enjoy your game of Croydopoly!TM.

Croydopoly! Hints and Tips...

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on...

Tue 13 • Music: Open Mic Night Simon’s blues and acoustic open mic night - we let you entertain us! From 8.30pm The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Quiz: The Dog and Bull From 9pm-ish, a quiz, a game of play your cards right and a sing-song. Mental. 50p in including sarnies. See article, April issue. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Games: Poker Night Every Tuesday Walkabout Croydon,12-18 Crown Hill Church street, Surrey, CR0 1RZ Tel: 0208 680 5559 www.myspace.com/walkaboutcroydon www.walkabout.eu.com • Club: Common People cheap drinks till 11pm with pure Indie and dancefloor tunes from The Spiv's. Doors 7pm, £1 entry. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Cocktail Tuesdays Every Tuesday night Loop gives our members and guests a opportunity to sample our new range of cocktails. If the cocktails get their seal of approval we gladly introduce them onto our existing cocktail list. Buy two cocktails for only £6, with this fabulous offer. Come on down every Tuesday and go cocktail crazy!. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Pool: Pool Competition downstairs. 8pm start The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Freedom Of Expression with Michael Berk, General Paulus, Steve Mayne, Mississippi MacDonald. 8pm. FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Comedy: Free Fringe Benefit Sean Lock, Robin Ince and others (to be announced) headline this show of standup to benefit the Free Fringe for 2009 and the future. “The Free Fringe has become a major part of the

Edinburgh Fringe. Performers don't pay to play; the public doesn't pay to watch. Founded and directed by Peter Buckley Hill, we started from a single show in 1996, and in 2008 grew to 1973 performances of 115 shows. We're hoping to grow further and carry on bringing free shows to Edinburgh in August as long as there's an Edinburgh and an August.” Tickets £20 (£15 conc) Bloomsbuty Theatre, 15 Gordon Street London, WC1H 0AH www.thebloomsbury.com freefringe.org.uk

Wed 14 • Event: Pool Competition From 7pm - balls and banter, a textbook night in the pub. £2 to enter - cash prizes. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Dance: Dancercise Keep fit and meet new people at this fun and friendly beginners dance class. Come and join the fun every Wednesday. 7.30pm. £3.50. Central Court, Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Quiz: The Edge Weekly quiz: gen knowledge / music / sport / missing link / mystery year. £50 bar tab to the winner. 8pm. £1 per person entry The Edge, 1 South End, Croydon • Club: 2 Hours Free Pool Members-only offer. If you are a member of Loop Lounge and spend more than £8 on drinks at the bar you will receive two hours of pool for free. If you are not already a member, membership is free but must be applied for in advance. Admission Midday until midnight Free admission Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Gay: Camp Bingo hosted by Miss Isla Blige – drinks at Happy Hour Prices from when you buy your books until the first number is called. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Dance: Salsa Lessons Every Wednesday from 8pm. £3. 33

The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/the_brief

Thu 15 • Music: Live Blues Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Club: ALT X South London's biggest rock and metal night with DJ Tony X. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm www.blacksheepbar.com/thursday Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: The New Delta Big Band From Ellington to Herman, big band jazz at its best! 8.15pm to 11pm. FREE! Every 1st and 3rd Thursday of the month. The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Quiz: JF Big Quiz From 8pm. The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Rd, Purley Surrey CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Quiz: Crown and Sceptre Fun general knowledge quiz. Every Thursday from 9pm. Crown and Sceptre, 32 Junction Road, South Croydon, 020 8688 8037 • Theatre: A Midsummer Night’s Dream Royal Shakespeare Company. From 15th Jan - 7 Feb. Booking line: 0844 482 5135. www.rsc.org.uk The Novello Theatre, Aldwych, London, WC2B 4LD

Fri 16 • Music: DJs The regular Oval faves plus guests keeping the Oval funky on Fridays The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Club: WTF with DJ Zoe Urchin serving up the best Indie, Pop and Alternative all night long.

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... guitar party night playing a wide range of music crossing genres and time lines : from cutting edge new stuff like MGMT, Vampire Weekend via indie superstars Stone Roses, Primal Scream through electro like Justice, Does It Offend You Yeah and Pendulum to more well known retro guitar stars like Blondie, Buzzcocks, Specials, Beatles and alternative rock tunes like Biffy Clyro, Foo Fighters and Fallout boy. Doors 7pm, free entry before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Karaoke: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8.30pm every Friday night. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Music: Red Herring Rock covers. 9.30pm. FREE! Jolly Farmers, Purley www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Club: DJ BennyManyHats FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub

Sat 17 • Club: DJ Sam playing a plethora of aural delights. FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Club: DJ Linton Dance bombs. Funk Rockets. Beatseeking missiles. Never outgunned. The biggest dancefloor monsters from DJ LINTON. Because it's war on the dancefloor. Doors 7pm.. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday The Gun Tavern, Crown Hill, Croydon • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday Portmanor, Portland Road, South Norwood, SE25 4UF

Sun 18

Mon 19

• Music: Open Mic Jam evening, acoustic open mic. All welcome. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Music: Live Blues Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Music: Live Jazz Lunchtime Jazz. Act tbc. 1pm start. FREE! www.jazznet.co.uk The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Music: Open Mic Sundays Live music every Sunday The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Live New Orleans Jazz Every Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at The Lord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dance floor, raffle, great atmosphere at one of the longest running Jazz Pubs in Great Britain The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 www.fairfield.co.uk • Music: Open Mic FREE! The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Quiz: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8pm. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Club: Trashville London's premier rockabilly/rock n roll/psychobilly mix! DJ's Bunny, Johnny Spazz, Flattop Dave from the Infamous Flattop Brothers and Major D Stroyer from the Rockin' Rollers...18th January is set to be another floor stampin' night! We'll also be showing B Movies and retro TV Shows throughout the night! Girls, get your skirts and dresses on, Boys, wear your best shirt and quiff your hair and lets Rock the Joint! Free Entry B4 10pm, bar open til LATE! Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar

• Music: The Big Beer Band Live big-band music. Every Monday from 9ish. FREE! The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Gay: The Big Fun Gay Quiz Night fun and general knowledge quiz. Questions from all categories, games that everyone can enjoy. Start the week off with a bang! Starts 8pm The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Music: Croydon Folk and Blues Club Every Monday From 8pm. Croydon Folk Club, Ruskin House, 23 Coombe Road, Croydon, 020 8660 5919 e mail:- croydonfolkclub@aol.com, www.croydonfolksongclub.org.uk Tickets from:- www.wegottickets.com • Club: Monday Club half price drinks until 12pm, with music from The Katie and Alex Show. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Blue Mondays Free Pool all day or all night if you work locally in Croydon* Every Monday all of our members who work in Croydon, can enjoy the pleasure of free pool all day & night, so long as you buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar. It's as simple as that! So if you feel the itch to play a frame, but not to feel it in your pocket, get down to Loop on Mondays! * How to claim your free pool on Mondays - Free pool if you work in Croydon and buy 2 drinks. If you work in Croydon and are a member of Loop Lounge, bring down a payslip or similar proof of where you work. Then buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar and you can play pool for all day or all evening at Loop Lounge. If you are not a member you can join up at reception free of charge if you bring some ID along. More about free membership.. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on...

Tue 20 • Event: Anna’s Cocktail Night The Oval does kitsch! Great house cocktail menu complete with twiglets on the bar. Watch out for Djs and guest live music slots. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Quiz: The Dog and Bull From 9pm-ish, a quiz, a game of play your cards right and a sing-song. Mental. 50p in including sarnies. See article, April issue. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Club: Common People cheap drinks till 11pm with pure Indie and dancefloor tunes from The Spiv's. Doors 7pm, £1 entry. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: Freedom Of Expression with Steve Halliday and The Lucky Face + opne mic. Upstairs. 8pm. FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Club: Cocktail Tuesdays Every Tuesday night Loop gives our members and guests a opportunity to sample our new range of cocktails. If the cocktails get their seal of approval we gladly introduce them onto our existing cocktail list. Buy two cocktails for only £6, with this fabulous offer. Come on down every Tuesday and go cocktail crazy!. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Pool: Pool Competition downstairs. 8pm start The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub

Wed 21 • Event: Pool Competition From 7pm - balls and banter, a textbook night in the pub. £2 to enter - cash prizes. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Dance: Dancercise Keep fit and meet new people at this fun and friendly beginners dance class.

Come and join the fun every Wednesday. 7.30pm. £3.50. Central Court, Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Quiz: The Edge Weekly quiz: gen knowledge / music / sport / missing link / mystery year. £50 bar tab to the winner. 8pm. £1 per person entry The Edge, 1 South End, Croydon • Club: 2 Hours Free Pool Members-only offer. If you are a member of Loop Lounge and spend more than £8 on drinks at the bar you will receive two hours of pool for free. If you are not already a member, membership is free but must be applied for in advance. Admission Midday until midnight Free admission Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Gay: Camp Bingo hosted by Miss Isla Blige – drinks at Happy Hour Prices from when you buy your books until the first number is called. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Dance: Salsa Lessons Every Wednesday from 8pm. £3. The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/the_brief • Music: Hannah White Guitarist / singer songwriter. 9pm. FREE! Jolly Farmers, Purley www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk

Thu 22 • Music: The Brian Hetherington Jazz Band Listen or jive to the authentic rythyms of New Orleans. 8.30pm-11pm. FREE! Every 2nd and 4th Thursday of the month. The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Music: Live Blues Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Quiz: JF Big Quiz 35

Fri 23 • Music: DJs The regular Oval faves plus guests keeping the Oval funky on Fridays The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Club: WTF with DJ Zoe Urchin serving up the best Indie, Pop and Alternative all night long. guitar party night playing a wide range of music crossing genres and time lines : from cutting edge new stuff like MGMT, Vampire Weekend via indie superstars Stone Roses, Primal Scream through electro like Justice, Does It Offend You Yeah and Pendulum to more well known retro guitar stars like Blondie, Buzzcocks, Specials, Beatles and alternative rock tunes like Biffy Clyro, Foo Fighters and Fallout boy. Doors 7pm, free entry before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Karaoke: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8.30pm every Friday night. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Club: DJ BennyManyHats FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Comedy: Croydon Comedy Club Live stand-up at the Fairfield, every fortnight. 8.30pm - £9. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Music: Original Blue Covers. 9.30pm. FREE! Jolly Farmers, Purley www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on...

Sat 24 • Club: DJ BennyManyHats Playing the way only Benny can! 8pm. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Club: DJ Sam playing a plethora of aural delights. FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Club: DJ Linton Dance bombs. Funk Rockets. Beatseeking missiles. Never outgunned. The biggest dancefloor monsters from DJ LINTON. Because it's war on the dancefloor. Doors 7pm.. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday The Gun Tavern, Crown Hill, Croydon • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday Portmanor, Portland Road, South Norwood, SE25 4UF • Music: Dazed and Confused Covers. 9.30pm. FREE! Jolly Farmers, Purley www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk

Sun 25 • Music: Live Blues Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Music: Live Jazz Lunchtime Jazz. Act tbc. 1pm start. FREE! www.jazznet.co.uk The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Music: Open Mic Sundays Live music every Sunday The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Live New Orleans Jazz Every Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at The Lord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dance

floor, raffle, great atmosphere at one of the longest running Jazz Pubs in Great Britain The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 www.fairfield.co.uk • Music: Open Mic FREE! The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Quiz: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8pm. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Music: Open Mic Jam evening, acoustic open mic. All welcome.. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Club: Extreme Metal with Rosewest, Surrounded by Disgust, Inner Rage, Teddy Bear’s Picnic. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar

Mon 26 • Event: Chinese New Year Goodbye to the year of the rat, hello to the year of the ox. Moo! • Music: The Big Beer Band Live big-band music. Every Monday from 9ish. FREE! The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Gay: The Big Fun Gay Quiz Night fun and general knowledge quiz. Questions from all categories, games that everyone can enjoy. Start the week off with a bang! Starts 8pm The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Music: Croydon Folk and Blues Club Every Monday From 8pm. Croydon Folk Club, Ruskin House, 23 Coombe Road, Croydon, 020 8660 5919 e mail:- croydonfolkclub@aol.com, www.croydonfolksongclub.org.uk Tickets from:- www.wegottickets.com • Club: Monday Club half price drinks until 12pm, with music from The Katie and Alex Show. Doors 36

7pm, free before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Blue Mondays Free Pool all day or all night if you work locally in Croydon* Every Monday all of our members who work in Croydon, can enjoy the pleasure of free pool all day & night, so long as you buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar. It's as simple as that! So if you feel the itch to play a frame, but not to feel it in your pocket, get down to Loop on Mondays! * How to claim your free pool on Mondays - Free pool if you work in Croydon and buy 2 drinks. If you work in Croydon and are a member of Loop Lounge, bring down a payslip or similar proof of where you work. Then buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar and you can play pool for all day or all evening at Loop Lounge. If you are not a member you can join up at reception free of charge if you bring some ID along. More about free membership.. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com

Tue 27 • Music: Open Mic Night Simon’s blues and acoustic open mic night - we let you entertain us! From 8.30pm The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Quiz: The Dog and Bull From 9pm-ish, a quiz, a game of play your cards right and a sing-song. Mental. 50p in including sarnies. See article, April issue. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Games: Poker Night Every Tuesday Walkabout Croydon,12-18 Crown Hill Church street, Surrey, CR0 1RZ Tel: 0208 680 5559 www.myspace.com/walkaboutcroydon www.walkabout.eu.com • Club: Common People cheap drinks till 11pm with pure Indie and dancefloor tunes from The Spiv's. Doors 7pm, £1 entry. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... • Music: Freedom Of Expression with Eddie’s Brother, Tom Janssen, Superman Revenge Squad, Trpmbone Poetry. Upstairs. 8pm. FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Club: Cocktail Tuesdays Every Tuesday night Loop gives our members and guests a opportunity to sample our new range of cocktails. If the cocktails get their seal of approval we gladly introduce them onto our existing cocktail list. Buy two cocktails for only £6, with this fabulous offer. Come on down every Tuesday and go cocktail crazy!. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Pool: Pool Competition downstairs. 8pm start The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub

Wed 28 • Event: Pool Competition From 7pm - balls and banter, a textbook night in the pub. £2 to enter - cash prizes. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Dance: Dancercise Keep fit and meet new people at this fun and friendly beginners dance class. Come and join the fun every Wednesday. 7.30pm. £3.50. Central Court, Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Quiz: The Edge Weekly quiz: gen knowledge / music / sport / missing link / mystery year. £50 bar tab to the winner. 8pm. £1 per person entry The Edge, 1 South End, Croydon • Club: 2 Hours Free Pool Members-only offer. If you are a member of Loop Lounge and spend more than £8 on drinks at the bar you will receive two hours of pool for free. If you are not already a member, membership is free but must be applied for in advance. Admission Midday until midnight Free admission Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Gay: Camp Bingo hosted by Miss Isla Blige – drinks at

Happy Hour Prices from when you buy your books until the first number is called. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Dance: Salsa Lessons Every Wednesday from 8pm. £3. The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/the_brief

Thu 29 • Music: Live Blues Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Quiz: JF Big Quiz From 8pm. The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Rd, Purley Surrey CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Quiz: Crown and Sceptre Fun general knowledge quiz. Every Thursday from 9pm. Crown and Sceptre, 32 Junction Road, South Croydon, 020 8688 8037

Fri 30 • Music: DJs The regular Oval faves plus guests keeping the Oval funky on Fridays The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Club: WTF with DJ Zoe Urchin serving up the best Indie, Pop and Alternative all night long. guitar party night playing a wide range of music crossing genres and time lines : from cutting edge new stuff like MGMT, Vampire Weekend via indie superstars Stone Roses, Primal Scream through electro like Justice, Does It Offend You Yeah and Pendulum to more well known retro guitar stars like Blondie, Buzzcocks, Specials, Beatles and alternative rock tunes like Biffy Clyro, Foo Fighters and Fallout boy. Doors 7pm, free entry before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com 37

www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Karaoke: Wheelwright’s Arms From 8.30pm every Friday night. Wheelwright’s Arms, 126 Southbridge Road, Croydon, CR0 1AF • Club: DJ BennyManyHats FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub

Sat 31 • CHARITY: MND Gig 31st January With Jennie Saunders, The Broadcasts, Stac, The Fireburn Music Collective, David Goo. All in aid of Motor Neurone Disease. 6pm - 1am. £8. The Brief, George Street, Croydon • Club: DJ Sam playing a plethora of aural delights. FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Club: DJ Linton Dance bombs. Funk Rockets. Beatseeking missiles. Never outgunned. The biggest dancefloor monsters from DJ LINTON. Because it's war on the dancefloor. Doors 7pm.. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday The Gun Tavern, Crown Hill, Croydon • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday Portmanor, Portland Road, South Norwood, SE25 4UF • Event: Chinese New Year Chinatown celebrations include lion dancing in Gerrard Street, Lisle Street, Newport Place, Wardour Street and Macclesfield Street from 1pm until 6pm with stalls throughout Chinatown.

pubs, clubs & bars • Addington Village Inn Beer garden, parking, big screen, food: 12-8pm. 36 Addington Village Rd, Addington, CR0 01689 842057 • All Bar One 2 floors. Decent food all day. Fiendish German beers. Dress code Fri/Sat: smart casual. 10 Park Lane, CR0. 020 8686 1033 • Alma Tavern - DS Beer garden at rear, patio out front, parking, 4 tvs & big screen, kids welcome til 8pm, live music at weekends - see ‘what’s on’, pool table (FREE pool on Mondays), darts and a cashpoint. Food: 12-3pm MonFri. 129 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0, 020 8654 5842. • Arkwrights Wheel - DS Decent sized boozer, pool table, screen for sports, food 12-8pm. Karaoke every Thursday. 151 North End, CR0 020 8649 8638 • Bar Red Square - DS Stylish, light & friendly bar with outside seating. Happy hour 3pm-12am Monday-Saturday: Buy One Get One Free on Smirnoff, Kronenbourg and Wine. DJs at weekends. Dress code: Smart casual - smart trainers ok. 63-65 High St, CR0 020 8688 1020 • Bedford Tavern - DS Large patio garden out front, pool table, bar billiards, tv inside, regular bbqs on the patio. 16 Sydenham Rd, CR0 2EF. 020 8688 2584 • Beehive - DS Large boozer with massive beer garden, right on the green. 47 Woodside Green, South Norwood, SE25 5HQ. 020 8662 1941 • Bird in Hand - DS Croydon’s longest serving Gay bar with pool table, FREE Air Hockey, FREE Giant Jenga, FREE Giant Connect 4, Big Screen TV, Beer Garden, covered and heated smoking area. Back Bar Available for private hire and functions. 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, London CR0 2EL Tel: 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net We are also on Facebook!

• Bishops Wine Bar Only sell wine. Homemade food served between 12pm and 2.30pm. Opening times subject to change. 1129 Whitgift Centre, CR0. 020 8681 7340 Mon-Sat: 11.30am-4.45pm Closed Sunday. • Black Sheep Bar - DS Possibly Croydon’s most progressive venue. See what’s on for night details. 68 High St, CR0 1NA. 020 8680 2233 www.blacksheepbar.com • Bricklayers Arms - DS 237 High Street Beckenham • Bodega - DS New tapas restaurant / bar. Civilised atmosphere. Wide selection of meat, seafood and veggie tapas. Spanish beers, exclusive Spanish wines. Buy a bottle of our exclusive selected spirits (complimentary mixers) and gain access to our intimate VIP area. Disabled access. Covered heated smoking area. Sky and Setanta sports. Private parties and corporate meeting catered for. Over 21s only. Dress code: No hoodies, tracksuits, caps or football shirts. Open 12-11 Sun-Thu 12-12 Friday-Saturday Food served 12-3 and 5-10pm every day. 14 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DL, 020 8680 9728 • Brief - DS Decent boozer with screens showing music videos/freeview, Dress code at weekends smart casual, no headwear. Door charge at weekends. 48 George St, CR0. 020 8686 6878 • Builders Arms - DS Friendly Fullers pub with conservatory restaurant area, 2 bars, one with 2 tvs. Board games available. General knowledge quiz night every Tuesday from 9pm. Live music last Friday of every month. Large, grassy, pleasant beer garden out back with nice seating, giant Connect 4, giant Jenga and giant skittles, Over 18s only. 65 Leslie Park Rd, CR0 6TP. 020 8654 1803

DS indicates DEEP Stockist!

• Bulls Head - DS Small friendly local. Recently refurbed and under new management. All sports & Setanta sports shown. Real ales Bar food mon-fri: 12-4pm. 39 Laud St, CR0 020 8760 0150 • Claret Free House - DS Intimate real ale pub. 5a Bingham Corner, Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0 7AA 020 8656 7452 • Coombe Lodge Large pub/restaurant with enormous beer garden, conservatory and outdoor dining as well as posh dining room. Food served all day. Also a Travel Inn with rooms around £60. 104 Coombe Rd, CR0 020 8686 2030 • Crescent Arms 323 Whitehorse Road, CR0. 020 8684 2310 • Cricketers - DS Good food, screens for sports, huge garden, pool table. 47 Shirley Rd, CR0 7ER 020 8655 3507 • Cricketers Pub grub served weekdays 123.30 and Sunday Roast served Sundays 12 ‘til they run out! 107 Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8662 1921 • Croham Arms - DS Croham Rd, CR2 020 8688 7356. • Crown Inn - DS Massive pub with beer garden, parking etc. Good food and weekly quiz nights. 28 Wickham Rd, Shirley, CR0 020 8654 8235 • Crown and Anchor - DS 19 Park Road, Bromley • Crown & Pepper - DS Friendly staff and punters, large pub, nice beer garden / patio at the back heated and lit smoking area, conservatory dining area, car park, sofas, wide range of bottled beers, shots and good food. Dinner table reservations available. 242 High St, CR0 1NF. 020 8688 7507 • Crown and Sceptre - DS Small friendly local with outside seating, parking, screen for sports and top food served Mon-Thu 12-9pm, 38

Fri-Sun + bank Hols: 12-6pm 32 Junction Road, CR2. 020 8688 8037 • Davy’s Wine Vaults - DS Intimate underground wine bar, tucked away in North End. Big screen, comfy sofas and booths. Excellent selection of wines. Quiz night first Weds of every month at 7.30pm, Salsa classes and intermediate every Sat. Quality food served everyday 11am-10pm. 122 North End, CR0, 020 8680 2419 • Dog and Bull - DS The Dog comes into its own as the sun arrives - the best beer garden in Croydon, with alfresco bar and bbq. Brilliant. 24 Surrey St, CR0. 020 8688 3664 • Drum and Monkey 7 Gloucester Rd, CR0 • Duke of Cambridge Small pub, popular with footie fans on matchdays. 7 Holmesdale Rd, CR0 2LR 020 8665 6440 • Duke of Gloucester 258 Sydenham Rd, CR0 2EB. 020 8684 3971 • Eagle - DS Under new management. 52 Tamworth Road (Reeves Corner), 020 8686 7474 • Earl of Eldon - DS All sports shown, big screen, beer garden, occasional live music. Food served every day. 63 Brighton Rd, CR2. 020 8688 1473 • Edge - DS Beer garden, Wednesday quiz night. Weekday food 12-3pm. Live music from rock riot promotions www.myspace.com/ rockriotpromo 1 South End, CR0. 020 8774 9933 • Elliott’s - DS Food served Mon-Fri 122.30pm. Function room, 42” plasma screen for sports. Occasional Karaoke. Weds: Fun Blackjack (£1 entry) and Salsa classes from 8pm. 5 High Street, Purley, CR8 2AF. 020 8668 3361 • Fairfield Tavern - DS Only open to theatre-goers. Fairfield Halls, CR0

pubs, clubs & bars • First Base City Limits, The Colonnades, Purley Way • Fishermans Arms 78 Windmill Rd, CR0 2XP 020 8689 7887 • Folly - DS Large and airy split level pub with pool table, outside patio, big screen, comfy seats. Food served 12-6pm every day. Happy hour 4-8pm every day. DJs from 8pm every Sunday. 13-15 Selsdon Rd, CR2. 020 8688 3920 • Forestdale Arms New food menu, massive smoking tent, karaoke Fridays, quiz on Saturday lunch times. Cricket/ football net. Featherbed Lane, CR0 020 8651 1260 • Fountainhead Large pub with large grassy beer garden, kiddie’s slide and, as far as we’re aware, it still has a ‘swingball’ out there too. 114 Parchmore Rd, Thornton Heath. 020 8653 4025 • Fox Pub and restaurant with enormous beer garden set pretty much in the countryside. Nice food last time we visited. Coulsdon Common, Coulsdon, CR3 01883 330401 • Foxley Hatch 8-9 Russell Hill Rd, Purley, CR8. 020 8763 9307 • Freelands Tavern - DS 31 Freelands Road, Bromley • George - DS Wetherspoons pub with cheap beer offers running constantly, large restaurant at rear with no smoking area and disabled access. 17-21 George St, CR0 020 8649 2944 • George Outside courtyard, inside screens for sport, live music, quizzes and karaoke occasionally. Bar food available all day. 132 Canterbury Rd, CR0 020 8689 7911 • Gipsy Moth - DS Massive boozer - kiddies play area, car park, screens etc. Unit 7, The Colonnades, 619 Purley Way, CR0 4RJ 020 8686 8923 • Glamorgan - DS Top quality food in friendly gastro-pub surroundings. beer garden, pool table, big screens

for sport (not football). South African ‘Bunny Chow’ a speciality. 81 Cherry Orchard Rd, CR0 020 8688 6333 • Golden Lion 144 Stanley Rd, CR0 3QB 020 8684 1395 • Good Companion Family friendly pub on the southern edge of South Croydon, on the Limpsfield Road. Main Bar: large screen TV and additional screens showing all major sports, pool table/darts. Live music and DJ nights (Includes established ‘Open Mic’ night on Thursdays, but see the web site for details of all events). Non smoking Lounge Bar and large Restaurant. Home prepared foods inc. kids options available from 12 daily. Special menu on Sundays includes a choice of roasts and other meal options (booking is recommended on Sundays). Very large family gardens. Car Parking for 60 cars. Private weddings, functions and parties catered for. ( no room hire charges ). Open until 11.30p.m. weekdays and Midnight on Fridays and Saturdays Limpsfield Road, South Croydon. Tel: 0208 657 6655. www.thegoodcompanions.com • Goose on the Market DS Huge boozer with an eclectic age range of punters and eyewateringly low prices. 1 Surrey St, CR0 1RG 020 8688 4798 • Granaries 6 Overtons Yard, 020 8667 1000 • Grange Beer garden, screens for sport, pool table. Bar food available every day, occasional live music, quiz, karaoke. 21 Norbury Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8653 3783 • Green Dragon - DS 2 pool tables, sports screens, hire-able upstairs bar. Live music Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Sundays; Djs at the weekend. Quality Ales and Proper Food (big Sunday Roast and lots for veggies); table service. Thursday Quiz, Sunday Pub Games night, a

DS indicates DEEP Stockist!

BookSwap scheme and local artist's work for sale. Food served 12-9 daily. Mon-Thurs 12-12 Fri -Sat 12-1 Sun -12-10.30 58-60 High St, CR0 1NA 020 8667 0684 Mon-Thu: 12pm-12 midnight Fri/Sat: 12pm-1am Sun: 12pm-10.30pm • Gun Tavern - DS Live music venue as well as a friendly boozer. Pool tables, Sky on big screen TV. Church St, CR0 1RN. 020 8667 1472 • Gypsy Tavern Wine bar. 12 Station Rd, CR0 020 8688 6750 • Half and Half The perfect place to chill- out, with cosy sofas, eclectic tunes, basement area for business meetings, private parties, meet up with work colleagues or friends very friendly and relaxed. Visit www.halfandhalf.uk.com for more info and discounts! 282 High St, CR0 1NG 020 8726 0080 www.halfandhalf.uk.com • Hare and Hounds 325 Purley Way, CR0 020 8688 0420 • Harvest Home 27 Beddington Lane, CR0 020 8688 0813 • Horseshoe Beer garden, pool table and screens for sport. Live music/quiz/karaoke occasionally on Fri-Sun. Kids welcome until 6pm. Food derved 12-2pm and 5-8pm. 745 London Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7, 020 8665 6305 • Hub New club 80-88 High St, CR0 020 8680 5500 • Hustler Club Croydon’s newest (and only) table dancing club. 8pm-3am 12-20 Crown Hill, Croydon, 020 8633 1621 www.hustlerclubuk.com • Jack and Jill Longlands Ave, Coulsdon, CR5 • Jolly Farmers - DS Good beers and ales, and coffees, with home cooked foods served at lunchtimes. (No TV screens inside) Seating areas 39

to the front and side, with car parking to the rear. Live music on Fridays (rock/blues band night), Saturdays (mixed bands and singers) and Sundays (great ‘open Mic’ nights with different hosts every week) See the Web site for details www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk 7 High Street Purley, Tel 0208 660 2076 • Lion Inn Smoking patio, pool table, darts, screens for sport. Occasional live music and DJs. Main and evening menu, bar snacks all day. 182 Padsons Rd, CR0 020 8684 2978 • Lord Napier Renowned Thornton Heath boozer noted for its quality live jazz music. 111 Beulah Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Loop - DS “Loop is a members-only, award winning (Best New Late Night Venue - Theme), stylishly designed club with, impressive cocktail bar, american pool tables and some of Londons top DJs.” Dress Code varies, check each listing in what’s on. DJs from 9pm. General Enquiries: 020 8760 7000 www.looppoolbar.com 12 Crown Hill, CR0 • Man on the Moon 112 Headley Drive, New Addington, CR0 0QF 01689 847550 • Milan Bar / Lloyds - DS Hugely popular bar over two floors. Relatively cheap booze. Food served throughout the day until 30mins before closing. Screens showing music videos, 70’s 80’s 90’s night every Thursday from 8pm. DJ’s at weekends Dress code: Smart casual - no hats or trainers. 14-32 High St, CR0, 020 8603 0870 • New Inn 148 Mitcham Rd, CR0 020 8665 1440 • Newton Arms 175 Queens Rd, CR0 020 8684 1654 • Norbury - DS Incorporating The Edge

pubs, clubs and bars nightclub. Sports bar with 3 big screens and pool tables. Outside seating area. 1300 London Road, Norbury. SW16 4DG. 020 8679 0632 • Old Derby - DS Screens for sport, pool table, darts, benches outside at front. Quiz every 3/4 weeks, live bands and karaoke every two weeks. DJ Twinkletoes every Frdiay and Sunday. Lunch menu served 11am-2.30pm and a diferent meal every night for £1.50. 44 Pitlake, CR0 020 8688 5674 • Old Fox and Hounds Thai food served Mon-Sat: 123pm. Beer garden, pool table, big screen sport, house doubles at £2, function room available. 1 London Rd, CR0 • Orchard - DS Large pub with pool table, darts, big screen, beer garden with kids play-area. 112 Cherry Orchard Rd, CR0 020 8688 3682 • Oval - DS One of our favourite pubs. Brilliantly friendly. Pool table, great beer garden. Real Ales. Food served between 12-3pm every day and 6-9pm Fridays new menu and bar menu (nachos, calamari, potato skins etc). Sunday Roast (2 choices + vege) 12.30-3.30pm. BBQs in summer (available to hire - call for details). Pool competition every Thurs, DJs Fri/Sat, monthly quiz night and live blues (see what’s on for details). 131 Oval Rd, CR0 020 8686 6023 • Parchmore Tavern 82 Parchmore Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8771 3816 • Padson’s Arms Beer garden, screens for sport and kids welcome until 7pm. 69 Padsons Rd, CR0 2QA 020 8684 2378 • Pitlake Arms 73a Waddon New Rd, CR0 1XD 020 8688 0428 • Pistols - DS 208-210 Brighton Road, Coulsdon, CR5 2NF • Plough and Harrow 774 London Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8665 7151 • Plough Inn

Croydon Rd, The Broadway, CR0 4QR. 020 8647 1122 • Porter and Sorter - DS The Editor’s local, friendly and lively. Table service, good food - new menu including sarnies and wraps as well as main meals. Dining area at rear, 7 different real ales, drinks offers, no smoking area, outside seating, 3 screens. A top boozer! 1 Billinton Hill (formerly Station Rd), CR0, 020 8688 4296 • Portmanor Live bands every Saturday, DJ on Fridays - new rock venue in South London Portland Road, South Norwood SE25 4UF • Prince George 2 High St, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8239 0029 • Purley Arms - DS Outside patio, big screen, cashpoint inside. Food served Mon-Fri: 12pm-7pm Saturday: 12-5pm Sunday: 1pm-5pm. 345 Brighton Rd, CR2 020 8686 3792 Mon-Wed: 12pm-11pm Thu-Sat: 12pm-12am Sun: 12pm-10.30pm • Railview - DS Under New Management. Beer Garden, Darts, Sky Sports, Parking. Sunday Lunch 1-5pm. 11am-11pm Sun-Thu, 11am-12am Sat/Sun 188 Selsdon Rd, CR2 020 8688 2315 • Railway Telegraph 19 Brigstock Rd, Thornton Heath • Randall Tavern Fieldway, New Addington, CR0 9DX, 01869 841476 • Rectory - DS Huge barracuda pub in Purley. Loads of seating, booths, wooden floors etc. Pay car park at rear. Food served 12-10pm. 908-912 Brighton Rd, Purley, CR8 2LN. 020 8660 6396 • Red Deer - DS Under New Management. Massive pub in South Croydon with 2 bars, pool table, 2 big screens + 6 smaller ones for sport. Car park. Large function room available for hire - call for details. Reasonably priced drinks. DJs every Friday and

DS indicates DEEP Stockist!

Saturday night from 8midnight playing dance / RnB / Garage etc. 279 Brighton Rd, CR2 020 8688 5599 Mon-Thu: 12-11pm Fri-Sat: 12pm-12am Sun: 12-10.30pm • Reform Tavern 69 Osbourne Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7 020 8653 9991 • Rileys Croydon Pool / Snooker club. 1st Floor, 63 Frith Road, Croydon, Surrey, CR0 1TB. Telephone: 020 86497788 • Rileys Purley Way Pool / Snooker club. 31 Imperial Way, Purley Way, CR0 4RR. Telephone 020 8688 3479. • Royal Standard - DS Small, friendly Fullers pub with beer garden over the road. Food served Mon-Fri: 122.30pm. Dart board. No music. Rugby pub! 1 Sheldon St, CR0 1SS 020 8688 9749 • Saints and Sinners Pleasant little pub with small beer patio. 482 London Rd, CR0. 020 8689 3713 • Sandrock Hotel - DS Restaurant/pub - patio out the back, parking, good quality market-fresh food served 12 noon to 10pm every day. Music/gen knowledge quiz, every Thursday from 9pm. Monthly live music (phone for date/details). 152 Upper Shirley Road Croydon, CR0 5HA 020 8654 3829 • Selhurst Arms Large Palace pub with 2 bars, big screen, pool table, beer garden /patio, car park. Selhurst Rd, SE25 • Ship - DS Institutional alternative pub. Food Mon-Sat: 12-7pm, Sun: 12.30-3pm. 47 High St, CR0. 020 8688 2810 www.theship.org • Ship of Fools Wetherspoons outfit. 9-11 London Rd, CR0 020 8681 2835 • Shirley Inn - DS Compact pub with beer 40

garden, parking, pool table, darts, 4 screens inc big one. Steak-out menu available MonSat 12-6.30pm and Sun 122.30pm. Karaoke on some Thursdays, and Entertainment on Saturdays (phone for dates and details). 158 Wickham Rd, CR0. 020 8654 1362 • Sir Julian Huxley 152-154 Addington Rd, Selsdon, CR2. 020 8657 9457 • Skylark Large pub spread over two floors. 34 South End, CR0 1DP. 020 8649 9909 • Smugglers Inn 320 Chipstead Valley Rd, Coulsdon. 020 8657 9457 • Spread Eagle - DS Extensive traditional pub menu served 12-9pm Mon-Sat and 12-5pm Sunday. Real Ales, Cask Conditioned ales. Outside seating. Sky big screen downstairs, plasma screen upstairs. Function room for hire with buffets available. 39 High St, CR0 1QD 020 8781 1134 • Stag 234-236 Addington Rd, Selsdon, 020 8657 6265 • Stag and Hounds - DS Local pub with beer garden. Friendly atmos. Home cooked food every Friday 11am-3pm. 26 Selsdon Rd, CR2 020 8688 1908 • Star 101 Southbridge Rd, CR0. 020 8688 2638 • Surprise Inn - DS Karaoke every Sunday evening from 5.30 until closing. 107 Upper Shirley Rd, CR0. 020 8656 6820 • Surrey Cricketers - DS Friendly, triangular shaped pub, seats outside, pool table, screens, darts. 23 West St, CR0 020 8288 1781 • Swan and Sugarloaf - DS Large pub with parking, screen for sports, pool table and darts. Function room for hire. B&B (room only £20pppn). 1 Brighton Rd, CR2. 020 8686 2562 020 8688 7888 • Thomas Farley 61 High St, Thornton Heath,

pubs, clubs & bars / restaurants CR7. 020 8665 7975 • Tiger Tiger - DS 6 bars, a restaurant: modern classic food and a club spread over 2 floors. Happy hour 57.30pm. Dress Code: Smart casual, collared shirts, no trainers. 16 Grant’s Building, High St, CR0. 020 8662 4949. www.tigertiger-croydon.co.uk • Tudor Rose Coulsdon Rd, Coulsdon, CR5 01737 553368 • Two Brewers - DS Pleasant little Shepherd Neame pub with tables outside front, beer garden out back. screens for sport, darts. Gets busy with footie fans as it’s on the way to Selhurst Park, but still manages to stay friendly and welcoming. 221 Gloucester Rd, CR0. 020 8684 3544 • Txt Bar - DS New upmarket bar. Cocktails a speciality. 73 South End, CR0 020 8667 1308 • Upstairs Gorgeous, grown-up, intimate club.Thursday - Simply Salsa. Friday & Saturday Club nights with DJ's including Louis from Choice FM. Guest list and venue hire available, please contact 020 8688 9837 for details. www.treehousepeople.com 78 South End, CR0. 020 8688 9837 • Victoria Cross 228 Bensham Lane, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8684 3022 • Vintage 34 Surrey Street, Croydon CR0 1RJ 020 8686 5600 www.vintage-bar.com • Walkabout - DS Large and lively Aussie boozer. Club attached, (open Fri/Sat). Live bands and DJs through the week. Large portions of food (inc. crocodile & kangaroo) served until 1 hour before closing. 2 big screens for sport, loads of seating and comfy sofas. Dress code: smart casual - no trainers. 12 Crown Hill, CR0 1RZ. 020 8680 5559 mail: croydon@walkabout.eu.com for birthdays special occasions

and guest list. • Welcome Inn 300 Parchmore Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7 • Wheatsheaf Large and allegedly haunted boozer on Thornton Heath Pond. 759 London Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8665 7161 • Wheelwrights Arms - DS Friendly community local with good food, karaoke every Friday night from 8.30pm, Quiz every Sunday from 8pm, occasional live music and charity nights. 126 Southbridge Rd, CR0. • Windmill - DS Friendly local with large grassy beer garden and big screen. Food served Mon-Sat 12pm2.30pm and Sunday 1pm-5pm. Quiz night at the end of every month - phone for details. 224 St James Rd, CR0 2BW. 020 8684 2272. Mon-Sat: 11am11pm. Sun: 12pm-10.30pm • Windsor Castle - DS (Toby Carvery and Innkeepers Lodge) Pub, restaurant, hotel. Car park. Garden & patio. Food served 12pm-9.30pm, set menu and carvery. 415 Brighton Rd, CR2. 020 8680 4559 • Woodman - DS Small and friendly pub with beer garden at back, outside seating at front and screen for sports. Unusual and interesting ceiling decor. 36 Upland Rd, CR2 020 8688 4725 • Yates’s Wine Lodge - DS New and vastly improved, friendly, relaxed and with pool hall upstairs. 3-11 High St, CR0 020 8681 8219 • Ye Olde Clock Tower 35 Whitehorse Road, CR0 020 8684 0288

DS indicates DEEP Stockist!

ENGLISH • Cockney’s Pie and Mash Pies, mash, liquor, vinegar in huge bottles, 82 Church St, CR0 - 020 8680 4512 • Coombe Lodge 104 Coombe Rd, CR0 020 8686 2030 • Tree House - DS 78 South End, CR0 020 8688 9837 • Sandrock Hotel - DS Good quality market-fresh food served 12 noon to 10pm every day. 152 Upper Shirley Road Croydon, CR0 5HA 020 8654 3829 FISH • McDermott’s Fish Restaurant Quality Fish and Chips restaurant and takeaway. 5/7 Featherbed Lane, Addington 020 8651 1440 Tues-Sat 12-2pm & 5-9.30pm ((pm on Saturday) FRENCH • Auberge French cuisine. Unit 2153 (third floor) Whitgift Centre, CR0. 020 8680 8337 Sun-Wed: 10am-6pm Thu-Sat: 10am-10pm • Boulevard - DS Restaurant, bar, cafe. 7-8 Ruskin Parade, Selsdon Rd, South Croy. CR2. 020 8649 9990 • Chateau Napolean Upmarket French cuisine Coombe Wood Hs, Coombe Lane, 020 8686 1244, 020 8680 6027 • Little Bay French/Italian/English. Small intimate restaurant. 32 Selsdon Rd, CR2. 020 8649 9544 • Rayon D’Or French/Italian/English. Face painting for kids on Sunday, dinner and dancing on Saturday. Airport House, Purley Way, CR0. 020 8781 1933 • Savana 222 London Rd, CR0 020 8680 7452

restaurants AMERICAN • Frankie and Benny’s Pizza, pasta & burgers. Valley Leisure Park, Purley Way, CR0. 020 8760 5021 • T.G.I Fridays 702-704 Purley Way, CR0. 020 8681 1313

GREEK • L’Unico Greek cuisine. 265 High St, CR0, 020 8688 7998 INDIAN • 1860 Indian / South African cuisine. 28 South End, CR0 020 8688 3839 • Anika’s Contemporary Indian & Bangladeshi cuisine. 4 Selsdon Parade, Addington Rd, Selsdon, CR2, 020 8651 6602 020 8651 6603 • Banana Leaf Award winning South Indian cuisine. 7 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8688 0297 020 8688 9922 • Bharat Bhavan 10 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0.020 8688 6239 020 8680 5553 • Bombay Blue - DS Fine Indian cuisine. 23 High Street, Purley, CR8 2AF. 020 8645 0022 • Catamaran South Indian Kerala cuisine. Veggie and non-veggie. Takeaways available. 62 South End, Croydon CR0 1DP, 020 8688 6996 020 8688 7002 www.mcdosa.com • Chat House 14 Brighton Rd, CR2 020 8688 6327 • Depa Indiana 5 Derby Rd, CR0 020 8688 9695 020 8686 4902 • Go East 212 London Rd, CR0 020 8667 1700 • India Palace 79 High St, CR0 020 8686 6730 • Kerala Bhavan South Indian. 16 London Rd, CR0. 020 8688 6216 • Mensab 39 Stafford Rd, CR0 020 8667 9090 • Mohini Balti 202 Croydon Rd, Beddington, CR0. 020 8686 8700 020 8688 5265 • Panahar

restaurants 316 Limpsfield Rd, CR2 020 8651 9662 • Rose Indian/Chinese/Sri Lankan 305 London Rd, CR0 020 8684 1198 020 8684 1536 • Royal Asia Tandoori 91 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8656 7818 • Sanderstead Tandoori 5 Station Parade, Sanderstead Rd, CR2. 020 8651 6489 • Sangri New indian - fantastic food! 265 High Street, Croydon CR0 1QH • Taste Of Bengal 1 Station Parade, Sanderstead Rd, CR2. 020 8651 5445 • Tikka Masala 227-229 High St, CR0 020 8686 8800 • Zafran 349 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8655 0055 • Zara’s Kitchen Quality Indian, bring your own alcohol. 60 South End, CR0 020 8688 4277 020 8688 0782 ITALIAN • Bagatti’s 56-58 South End, CR0 020 8680 1336 • Bella Italia Live Opera as you eat. 18 George St, CR0, 020 8688 5787 • Ciao Bella 38a South End, CR0, 020 8688 8524 • Dario 248 Brighton Rd, CR2 020 8686 2680 • Elio 17 Limpsfield Rd, CR2 020 8657 2953 • Il Cavallino 89 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8656 9679 • Il Ponte Great food, but a bit crowded. 91-101 High St, CR0 020 8686 1112 • Il Teatro Wood oven baked pizza 64-66 London Rd, CR0 020 8667 1788 • La Pergola Streatham Italian with institutionally hilarious Elvis show. 66 Streatham High St, SW16. 020 8764 2646 / 020

8769 2601 • Pizza Express 3-7 South End, CR0 020 8680 0123 • Zizzi - DS Pasta and Pizza in modern surroundings with a wood oven for pizza. French doors all along the front, which they open up in summer. 57-59 South End, CR0. 020 8649 8403 MEXICAN • Chiquito Unit 3, Valley Park Leisure Development, Purley Way, CR0. 020 8686 8341 • Conchitas 27/29 South End, Croydon Tel: 020 8255 8028 • Tequila Rock Cafe 281 High St, CR0 020 8686 8030 020 8686 3223

DS indicates DEEP Stockist!

for filling up before a night on the town. 56 George St, CR0 020 8681 6598 • Osushi Croydon’s first sushi restaurant - sushi, tempura & ramen in contemporary surroundings 47 South End, CR0 1BF 020 8681 1166 • Paisaan Thai. Delivery of food and wines & beers available! 13-17 Station Rd, CR0 020 8686 6254 • Royal Garden Upmarket Chinese. Takeaway available. Shirley Hills Rd, CR0 020 8654 6491 / 020 8654 0170 • Spicy Penang Chinese / Malaysian cuisine. Restaurant / takeaway / free delivery (over £15 (after discount) within 3 mile radius. 10% discount on all takeaway collections and deliveries. 49b49c South End, Croydon, CR0 1BF. 020 8680 2010 Lunch Mon-Fri: 12-2.30pm Dinner Mon-Thu: 6-11.30pm Fri/Sat: 6pm-midnight Sun: 12 noon - 11pm. • Tai Tung Chinese. 550 Purley Way, CR0 020 8688 3668 / 0117 • Udon Noodle Bar 74 London Rd, CR0 020 8686 0602 • Welcome Friends Chinese. 4 Bingham Corner, Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8656 9981.

ORIENTAL • Anna’s Thai. 1078 Whitgift Centre, CR0. 020 8681 6601 • Beijing Cottage Superior Cantonese. 49 South End, CR0 020 8688 2046 020 8688 1092 • Blossom House Chinese. 340 Limpsfield Rd, CR2. 020 8651 4723 • Excelsior Chinese. 264 Wickham Rd, CR0. 020 8656 1666 • Kelong All you can eat Malay/Chinese buffet. 1b Selsdon Rd, CR0 020 8688 0726 • Longquan Noodle Bar 97 South End, CR0 020 8667 9588 • Mae Ping Thai. 16-18 South End, CR0 020 8760 0278 • Malay House Malaysian BYO alcohol. 60 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8666 0266 • Miso Noodle Bar. Geeorge Street, Croydon www.misonoodlebar.co.uk • New China King 6 Beddington terrace, Mitcham Rd, CR0 020 8689 8222 • Oriental Express Good value functional chinese food served super-fast. Ideal

NEPALESE • Gurkha Spice Nepalese cuisine 343 Brighton Road, South Croydon, CR2 6EQ 020 8686 8606 020 8667 0711 OTHER • Croydon Steak House T-bone steaks from 500g to 1500g. 31 South End, CR0 020 8688 8422. Closed Sun. • La Brasa Argentinian cuisine - 108a High St, CR0. 020 8760 9610 • Nando’s Portugese chicken restaurant. 26 High St, CR0 020 8681 3505, 0800 975 8181 42

• Tiger Tiger - DS Classic cuisine with a contemporary twist, along with 6 bars, 2 dance-floors and happy hour 5pm-7.30pm. 16 Grant’s Building, High St, CR0. 020 8662 4949 www.tigertiger-croydon.co.uk • Tree House - DS Large contemporary restaurant with bar and garden offering modern European cuisine. Main meals from £8.95. 78 South End, CR0. 020 8688 9837 SPANISH • Bodega - DS New tapas bar / restaurant. Over 21s only. Dress code: No hoodies, tracksuits, caps or football shirts. Open 12-11 Sun-Thu 12-12 Friday-Saturday Food served 12-3 and 5-10pm every day. 14 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DL, 020 8680 9728 • Galicia Tapas Bar and restaurant. 269-275 High St, CR0 020 8686 0043 • La Tasca Tapas bar and restaurant. 38-40 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1YB, 0208 680 3388 • Las Fuentes Tapas bar and restaurant. 36-40 High St Purley Surrey CR8 2AA, 020 8763 1983 • Picasso Tapas Bar and restaurant. 910 London Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7 7PE, 020 8684 0049 VEGETARIAN • Pepperton UK - DS Relaxed and friendly licensed vegetarian restaurant and art gallery. Open Tue - Thu: 5.00pm - 10.00pm Fri - Sat: 12noon - 10.00pm Sun & Mon: Closed (other than for party/group bookings of 10 or more). Pepperton UK 25 Selhurst Road, SE25 020 8683 4462

cabs / cinema / music / adult cabs • A1 Minicabs 307 London Road, CR0, 020 8683 3535 or 020 8684 5050 • Circuit Cars 12 South End, CR0 020 8680 4321 • Croydon Carriage Co 270 Wickham Road, CR0 020 8656 1313 • Croydon Central Cars 35 South End, CR0 020 8686 4444 020 8686 4499 • Derby Minicabs 1 Derby Road, CR0 020 8680 5566 020 8680 7799 • Kendall Cars 11, Epsom Road, CR0 and 20 Station Road, CR0. 020 8681 3535 • Roadrunners 174 North End, CR0 0800 147369 020 8681 8700 • Station Cars Purley 10 Station Approach, Purley, CR8, 020 8660 6000 020 8668 8848 • Station Cars Sanderstead Sanderstead BR 020 8657 5550 020 8657 1110 020 8657 5588

hotels • Aerodrome Hotel 3 star. £60-£120 Purley Way, CRO 020 8680 1999 • Coombe Lodge Around £55. 104 Coombe Rd, CR0, 020 8686 2030 • Coulsdon Manor Hotel 4 star. £108-£130 Coulsdon Court Rd, Coulsdon, 020 8668 0414 • Croydon Park Hotel 4 star. £125 - £140. Gym and pool. And a bar open to non-residents. 7 Altyre Road, CRO 020 8680 9200 • Express Holiday Inn WS

Priddy’s Yard, off Frith Road, (behind Debenhams) Croydon • Fairfield Hotel 2 star. £60ish. 1 Lansdowne Rd, CRO 020 8681 3381 • Hilton Croydon 4 star. £110. Waddon Way (off Purley Way), CRO. 020 8680 3000 • Innkeepers Lodge (Windsor Castle) - WS £70. 415 Brighton Rd, South Croydon, CR2 0870 243 0500 • Jury’s Inn 3 star. From £69. Wellesley Rd, CR0, 0870 907 2222 • Kirkdale Hotel £45-£80. 22 St Peters Rd, CRO. 020 8688 5898 • Premier Travel Inn £55ish. The Colonnades Leisure Park, 619 Purley Way, CR0. 0870 990 6554 • Selsdon Park Hotel 4 star. £100-£175. 126 Addington Rd, CR2 020 8657 8811 • South Park Hotel 2 star. £55-£75 3-5 South Park Rd, CR2 020 8688 5644

• Memory Lane Records Old tunes. 55 Frith Road, CR0 020 8649 7220 • Online Studios 2 state of the art soundproofed, air-conditioned recording studios with vocal room. Studio hire, music production, training courses and DJ recording. Free parking. Unit 18-19 Croydon House, 1 Peall Road, Croydon, CR0 3EX. Tel: 020 8287 8585. www.onlinestudios.co.uk info@onlinestudios.co.uk • Rockbottom - WS Southern England’s largest music shop - keyboards, electronica, guitars & amps, drums & percussion (drum lessons available), woodwind & brass instruments. Buy and sell, downstairs rehearsal studios. 68/70 London Road, CR0. 020 8680 1042 • Scream Studios - WS Open 24 hours. 1000w rig with on board digital effects. Piezo mic recording system, air conditioning. Full backline available. Parking available. Daytime sessions from £18, evening sessions from £25. 20c South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN(next to E-Bar). 020 8686 5788 www.screamstudios.co.uk • Swag Records - WS Dance music specialists. 42 Station Road, West Croydon. 020 8681 7735 www.swagrecords.com • Vinyl Resting Place WS Now online only at: www.thevinylrestingplace. co.uk • World Domination Music Croydon’s newest independent music publisher. Looking for singers/songwriters. All demos listened to. 52 Upper Selsdon Road, South Croydon, CR2 8DE 020 8657 5565

music • Beanos - WS The UKs largest 2nd hand record shop. 3 floors of vinyl heaven. Star House, 7 Middle St (near Jim Thompsons / Surrey Street market) 020 8680 1202 • Jonathan Myall Music Europe’s leading woodwind & brass centre. New & secondhand. Sales, rental, repairs. 46 South End, CR0 020 8662 8400 www.justflutes.com • Livewire Recording Studios Streatham Ice Arena 386 Streatham high road London. SW16 6HT 020 8835 9913 • Martin Phelps Music Guitars, amps, digital pianos, keyboards. On site guitar workshop. Buy and sell instruments. 9 South End, CR0, 020 8680 9747 43

• 101 Records 2nd hand music. 11 Keeley Rd, CR0. 020 8681 8282

cinema / theatre .• Fairfield Halls - WS Theatre and cinema. Park Lane, Croydon, CR9 1DG box office: 020 8688 9291 admin: 020 8681 3381 www.fairfield.co.uk • Warehouse Theatre - WS Theatre and bar. Dingwall Road, Croydon CR0, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk • Vue Grants 10 screen cinema complex. 14 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1GT. bookings and info: 08702 406020 enquiries: 020 8688 0606 www.warnervillage.co.uk • Vue Purley Way 8 screen cinema complex. Valley Park Leisure Complex, Hasterman Way, Croydon, CR0 4YA. bookings, info and enquiries: 08702 406020 www.warnervillage.co.uk • David Lean Cinema - WS 80 seater cinema & bar mostly art-house and alternative films. Croydon Clocktower, Katherine Street, Croydon, CR9 1ET. 020 8253 1030

adult • Hustler Club Croydon’s newest (and only) table dancing club. 8pm-3am www.hustlerclubuk.com 12-20 Crown Hill, Croydon, 020 8633 1621 • Private DVDs, videos, ‘marital aids’ toys etc in a discreet environment. Selsdon Road, South Croydon (opposite The Folly pub)

Dear Diary... A round-up of events yet to come in 2009

limey, no sooner have you finished digesting that last mince pie and banished the last of the festive hangovers than it’s all go again to ensure you get the tickets you want for the events in 2009. I’m terrible for missing deadlines where this kind of thing is concerned, so we thought we’d do a bit of a round up of all the stuff you’re going to miss unless you get your finger out and book tickets now, with particular emphasis on the never-ending round of festivals, some domestic, some a tad further afield, and some cracking sporting events occurring in 09...

FESTIVALS: • Bloc Festival 2009 Butlins Resort, Minehead, Somerset March 13 – 15 www.blocweekend.com • Winter Music Conference / Ultra Music Festival 2009 Miami, Florida March 24 – 28 www.ultramusicfestival.com • Snowbombing Festival 2009 Mayrhofen, Austria March 29 – April 4 www.snowbombing.com • Hinterland Festival 2009 Glasgow, Scotland April 30 - May 1 www.hinterlandfestival.com • All Tomorrow's Parties 2009 The Fans Strike Back Butlins Holiday Center, U.K. May 08 – 10. www.atpfestival.com • All Tomorrow's Parties 2009 Curated by the Breeders Camber Sands Holiday Center, U.K. May 15 – 17. www.atpfestival.com • Primavera Sound Festival 2008 Barcelona, Spain May 29 – 30 www.primaverasound.com (in spanish) • Isle Of Wight Music Festival 2009 Newport, U.K. June 12 – 15 www.isleofwightfestival.com • Meltdown Festival 2009 London, UK June 14 – 22 www.southbankcentre.co.uk/allevents/meltdown • Sonar Festival 2009

Barcelona, Spain June 18 – 20 www.sonar.es • Glastonbury Festival 2009 Glastonbury, England June 26 – 28 www.glastonburyfestivals.co.uk • Roskilde Festival 2009 Roskilde, Denmark July 2 – 5 www.roskildefestival.dk/2009/frontpage • T in the Park 2009 Balado, Scotland July 9 - 12 www.tinthepark.com • Camp Bestival 2009 Lulworth Castle, Dorset July 24 – 26 www.campbestival.co.uk • Internacional de Benicassim 2009 (FIB), Benicassim, Spain July 16 – 19 http://fiberfib.com/ • Fuji Rock Festival 2008 JR Echigo Yuzawa Station, Japan July 30 – August 1 www.fujirockfestival.com • Big Chill 2009 Eastnor Park, Herefordshire August 7 - 9 www.bigchill.net • Green Man Festival 2009 Wales, U.K. August 21 - 23 www.thegreenmanfestival.co.uk • V Festival 2009 Chelmsford and Staffordshire, England August 22 – 23 www.vfestival.com • Reading Festival 2009 Reading, England August 28 – 30 www.readingfestival.com • Leeds Festival 2009 Leeds, England August 28 – 30 www.leedsfestival.com • Creamfields Festival 2009 Daresbury, Halton, Cheshire August 29 - 30 www.creamfields.com • Bestival 2009 September 11 - 13 Isle of Wight, U.K. www.bestival.net 44

• Iceland Airwaves 2008 September 17 - 21 Reykjavík, Iceland www.icelandairwaves.com • All Tomorrow's Parties Nightmare Before Christmas 2009 Camber Sands Holiday Center December 5 - 7 www.atpfestival.com SPORT: • Rugby - 6 Nations England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, France, Italy Feb 7 - Mar 21 www.rbs6nations.com • Racing - The Grand National Aintree, Liverpool 4th April www.aintree.co.uk • Snooker - World Chamionship Crucible, Sheffield 19th April - 5th May www.worldsnooker.com • Racing - The Derby Epsom 6th June www.epsomderby.co.uk • Formula One - The British Grand Prix Silverstone June 21 www.britishgp.co.uk • Cricket - The Ashes Cardiff, Lord's, Edgbaston, Headingley, The Brit Oval July 8th onwards www.ecb.co.uk • Golf - The Open Turnberry, Scotland 16th - 19th July www.opengolf.com • Football - World Cup Qualifiers Various venues and dates depending on who you’re supporting... www.fifa.com/worldcup As you’ll appreciate, this isn’t a comprehensive list by any means, but we hope it’s enough of a heads up that you don’t miss out on stuff. As for us, we’re boycotting all festivals over the summer in order to sit outdoors with a telly watching the cricket. Happy days ahead!

Septuagenarian agony aunt cum rock mutton Auntie May gets all festive...

ello again folks, well, after last month’s rather music-free report, this month’s been a lot better in that respect. I started off in The Brief where I gatecrashed Pure Rawk Nix’s birthday bash in the vain hope of persuading Disarm’s Brad to come and live in the cupboard under my stairs (not successful) and to get Kitty Hudson to record an impromptu “Happy Birthday” video on my phone (also not successful

favourite bands at the moment and I’ve almost worn out the EP they sent me. Jonny Carnage was desperate to see them so I smuggled him in dressed as a house elf and he dutifully handed round pizza and collected plates while the bands sound-checked. I hope you didn’t miss The Ship’s Battle of the Bands which ran throughout the first three weeks of December. Having ascertained that to be

“Edith had misheard my instructions to ‘meet inside’ and thought I’d said ‘meet in disguise’, hence the Freddie Mercury outfit...” – it was duly recorded but subsequently mangled by my phone despite several local technology wizards’ efforts to rescue it). I’m glad to say that Nix’s efforts to enjoy herself were rather more successful and she dutifully reported a rather sore head in the morning. The next weekend I arranged to meet Edith in Brighton to see the rather wonderful Montrose Avenue singing, amongst others, the classic “Put Yer Tongue In”. Edith had sustained a nasty grill injury whilst celebrating her Grade 8 bassoon exam success and was rather late in arriving so I was rather surprised when she arrived dressed as Freddie Mercury in the “I Want to Break Free” video complete with pink dress and moustache. She’d even accessorised with her old upright but security made her leave it outside. Turns out she’d misheard my instruction to “meet inside” and thought I’d said “meet in disguise”. Feeling rather like a suicide bomber, I’d sneaked in and got the MC to secretly pass on a gift of my patented Flapjackdaniels to the band as a bribe to get them to sing Edith her own song and she was delighted that they managed to crowbar her name into almost every song in the set – even the Doors’ “Break On Through” and their own “Crows in my Hair”. I’m always up for a bit of live music mid-week so I was ecstatic when Frantic Promotions put on Namaste, Kitty Lipps and Canvas Wall (pictured below) at The Brief. Canvas Wall are one of my

a judge you needed to be called Dave, I resigned myself to the fact that I will never aspire to the heady heights of judgedom unless the name Mayqueen dramatically improves in popularity. The quality of the entrants was amazing and I was particularly impressed with Shattered Alliance’s cover of “Message in a Bottle” and the Hangovers’ alternative “Sweet Home Alabama”. However, a well-deserved victory was won by Pistols at Dawn – I’m sure we’ll be hearing a lot more of them in the future. One of the highlights this month was my favourite shop, Time*Bomb’s 5th Birthday Party at The Ship. Dr. Smutglove started the evening off with their own inimitable brand of music therapy and Nurse Fanny even managed to keep her wig on throughout the whole performance. I turned up sporting a spectacular pair of FMB’s and spent the evening pressganging all and sundry into buying raffle tickets for possibly Alzheimer’s but I forget now. The bar bell was resurrected, much to the bar staffs’ annoyance and I 46

impressed myself by declining an invitation to carry on partying in the Black Sheep Bar, mainly due to the fact that I didn’t get to bed until 5am the night before. Christmas just isn’t Christmas without a pantomime dame and a few choruses of “He’s behind you!” and this year was no exception. I went along to Coulsdon Theatre Workshop’s home-grown production of “Sinbadaladdin”, written by the hugely talented Richard Lloyd. As it said on the box (or the programme), this was a medley of two pantomimes sellotaped together and shipped off to the Orient, involving two principal boys, lots of thigh slapping and some ingenious re-wording of popular songs, my favourite being Scouting for Girls’ “She’s So Rubbery”. And to finish off, I’ve just been reliably informed that because stoats this year are whiter than usual, we’re in for a cold (and possibly snowy) winter. So when you’re trudging around in your wellies, getting snowballed in the ear by the local riff-raff, don’t say I didn’t warn you. And don’t tread on any camouflaged stoats either. I’m off now for another tankard of mulled wine, and I’ll see you at the bar or, in the meantime, at www.myspace.com/auntiemay99

It’s January, it’s boring, what else are you going to do..?

roydopoly. A word which strikes fear into the heart of the lightweight, but glee into ours. Last month, for anyone who saw the bloody thing, we printed a new, updated version of the greatest pub-relatedCroydon-based-game ever invented, EVER! on our centre pages, and waited to arrange a date to basically go out on a massive monopoly-themed bender. Unfortunately, illness prevented us from having a go at even the basic game, or from having a Christmas party, and lo we were right pissed off. So, what we’ve decided to do is re-print the board this month and have a mass, everyone invited, probably suicide game of Croydopoly as a kind of postChristmas-Christmas-party, if you will.

away. A short time later this idea had germinated, as such ideas do, into the formation of a facebook group for the purpose of garnering more pictures, more anecdotes and generally more stuff on Croydon boozers wot are no more. As we go to print, 220-odd like-minded individuals have joined up posting over 70 photos of fondly and not so fondly remembered pubs, bad haircuts and general tomfoolery. So what have we learnt? Well, amongst other wondrous things: that Queen and The Clash played in Purley; Jimi Hendrix amongst others gigged at the Star in West Croydon; that there used to be a pub called, marvellously, The Robinson Crusoe in Surrey Street as

What history have we learnt? How about Jimi Hendrix gigging at West Croydon’s Star Hotel? For anyone new to the magazine or to the Croydopoly phenomena, a brief history of ridiculous boozing can be found online in our December issue, and regularly every two years before that, usually around Christmas - we’ve tried to come up with different games but really, Croydopoly was brushed with such genius that we’ve struggled ever since to top it for sheer bloody FUN! So, given all that, we’ll be sorting out this mass venture over the next couple of weeks via the Croydopoly Facebook fan page to occur near the end of the month, with any luck, so join up, sign up and come along to our Christmas-postChristmas-January-is-dull party. Hurrah!

s you know, we here at Deep Villas are big fans of history indeed we’ve bored you, er, educated you on many an historical fact, from our chavvy Croydon dinosaur and plague pits in Lloyd Park to Samuel Coleridge-Taylor and all points in between. You may also have picked up in the last five and a half years that we’re big fans of pubs and drinking too (see above for a prime example), so when our mate Nick had a genius idea about old Croydon boozers and the history therein it presented the opportunity to combine the two and thus we were well on board straight 48

well as a spectacularly dubiously named one round the corner; that they don’t build shopping centres with pubs smack bang in the middle of them any more; not to let your sister loose with a load of old pictures of you and a scanner; that the 70’s and 80’s really were the decades that fashion forgot; that I’ve been, at some point, drinking in close proximity to everyone I know now, even if I didn’t know them then; that seemingly every building in Croydon used to be a boozer of some description and that everyone has a photo of themselves wearing ridiculous attire in one of them that no longer exists. However! Our job is not done, not by a long chalk. For example, there seem to be no pictures of ‘The Croydon’ when it was still called that, before it was the Rat and Parrot, or of the inside of the Forum. This is somewhat unsurprising given that it wasn’t really a feast for the eyes, but still, someone must have one, somewhere, surely? So, the purpose of this little article is to ask you, loyal Deep

readers and therefore probably drunkards, who grew up in or drank in this area to join the group and have a wander down memory lane, then post your pictures of when you had hair and there were still ashtrays on tables, relay your anecdotes, remind us of anywhere we’ve missed etc etc. You’ll probably end up finding people on there you haven’t seen for years, and be reminded of that time you fell down the stairs in Alley cats or got twatted on breezers at Po-Na-Nas - good times... In case you’re still unsure of what we’re talking about, the name of the group says it all really ‘Old Croydon Boozers and Clubs now Demolished or Closed’, or if you need more details, the tag is ‘To recollect (and hopefully supply pics of hideous interiors, exteriors and haircuts) of Croydon pubs or clubs. With an especial amusement value in The Croydon, The Tavern in the Town, Alley Cats, Goodies (King's Cellars), The Swamp, The Office, Hollywood Boulevard, The Rose and Crown, Watertown, The Horse and Jockey, Cafe Moonshine, The Horn and Trumpet, Easy Streets, The Mailcoach, The Gloucester, The Underground, The Dog and Duck - Purley, the Half Moon, the Black Horse, The Mitre, Pals, The Forum, The Blue Beyond, the Blue Anchor, that funny looking place that was demolished for Brannigans to be built, that sort of thing.’ Bet there were a couple in that list alone that you’d forgotten about, which is kind of the point, so what on earth are you waiting for? Join us, join us, join us... Send your pictures to museum-of-croydonpubs@inbox.com

s reported last month, friend of the mag and semi-regular contributor John ‘Creepy’ Chambers launched his new venture Jack The Ripper tours - in December, what with him being a bit of an expert on the whole grisly business and therefore amply qualified. The Deep massive, i.e the Bonsai Ed, Auntie May and Ferg our erstwhile one-line-recordreviewer went along to join him and the rest of the tourists and see what it’s all about. And thus on a cold evening in December, and I mean really COLD, we duly met up at the designated point, the infamous Blind Beggar pub in Whitechapel, ready to set off on a voyage of discovery concerning one of the most enduring murder mysteries ever. Being somewhat unfamiliar with the Whitechapel area, I have to say Creepy resplendent in top hat, great coat and the whole bit - did a marvellous job of guiding us around the streets, and it’s just a shame that so much of was what there has now gone to make way for dual carriageways and the like, which means you have to use your imagination a lot, but given what the tour is about, and how the guide paints the vivid picture of the dark, squalid, narrow London alleys where the Ripper plied his trade and the life of the prostitutes he preyed upon maybe it’s not such a bad thing that we now have such electric trickery as streetlights and the like.

The tour takes in all the Ripper sites, and meanders along Brick Lane, into Mitre Square, past Spitalfields market all over the place in fact, and is delivered in an informal yet informative style, lively and obviously scrupulously researched, with a bit of audience participation and drama thrown in, a half-way stop off (much needed in the cold) at another pub right next to one of the murder sites and a particularly grisly hand-around of some truly appaling photos of the victims. In fact, so interesting was one of the stopping-place talks that we managed to pick up a couple of Australians who happened to be passing, heard what Creeps was talking about and immediately joined the tour for the duration. The duration, by the way, is a value for money feast of gore and mystery of over two hours, and when we went, substantially longer, but it never got boring - I would suggest wearing sensible shoes though, as there is a fair bit of trekking about from site to site. Particularly enjoyable is an excursion to an alley which is pretty much unchanged from how it was in the 1880s, which really brings it all home. At the end of the tour there’s an opportunity for a few drinks in the Ten Bells pub where I took the opportunity to ask fellow tourists what they thought, a question met

universally with praise for the tour, for the detail and the research that had obviously gone into it and for Creepy himself who manages to bring a very old and well trodden chapter of history to life with revelations for those who don;t know the story in as much detail as he does and an enthusiasm for his subject that you don’t often get on these sort of things. Everyone I spoke to said they’d recommend the tour, and we at Deep have no problem whatsoever doing the same. Creepy’s Jack The Ripper Tour Spooky, a bit nippy, Approved! Next Jack The Ripper Tours are on January 18th, January 29th and February 1st. For information on Jack the Ripper visit www.casebook.org. For more details or to join Creepy on Whitechapel’s Trail of Terror - Jack the Ripper tour email him at red_baron_1888@hotmail.co.uk

“A thousand pounds, it’s too many pounds a thousand pounds...”

s Jasmine and Prudith would say, as well as the bon mot above, “nothing’s free these days, is it?” (“except for those free straws in the fast food restaurants, I’ve got 600,000 of those, I’m building a life sized model of Jamie Oliver. So I can burn it...“). Credit crunch, recession, catastrophic world financial implosion, call it what you will, the upshot of the work of a load of bankers is that we’re all skint at the moment, so we here at deep thought we’d point you in the direction of a few things you can do that actually are free. Go out. There are 156 parks and open spaces in Croydon to enjoy and walk through, from playing fields to woods and all points in between. Three of our favourites are Waddon Ponds (access from Waddon Court Road, Mill Lane and The Ridgeway) which is the only place in Croydon where you can still see the River Wandle, Coombe Woods with its ornamental gardens, pond and waterfall (junction of Coombe Lane and Conduit Lane) and South Norwood Lake, set in attractive parkland and the only large expanse of open water in Croydon (entrance is in Auckland Road, Woodvale Avenue and Sylvan Road). Or you go and visit the plague pits in Lloyd Park, you know, if you want to...

Go learn. For the price of a travelcard the world is your lobster with the majority of London’s museums and galleries letting yobs like us in for free all year round. The fools. Some of the best are: The British Museum (Great Russell Street, www.britishmuseum.org): Back from a substantial refit and better than ever, the best museum in the world where 4000 year old Pharoahs enjoy a busier afterlife than they planned for and where Karl Marx meets Buddha. The African collection, newly re-opened, is the world's largest (and the best in terms of range and quality).

The Natural History Museum (South Kensington, www.nhm.co.uk) is a beautiful building in itself and has animatronic dinosaurs. Cool. The Science Museum (South Kensington, www.sciencemuseum.org.uk) does what it says on the tin with loads of interactive fun sciencey stuff. The National Gallery on Trafalgar Square (www.nationalgallery.org.uk) houses one of the greatest collections of Western European painting in the world, and is currently the place to see Titian’s ‘Diana and Acteon’ - possibly your last chance to see it, in fact before it potentially falls into the hands of a private collector in a dusty house somewhere. Both Tate Museums, Britain (Millbank) and Modern (Bankside), are free to get into except for the special exhibitions, and those are free if you’re a member (www.tate.org.uk). Other free cultural spots are The Museum of Croydon (Katharine Street, www.museumofcroydon.com), the Victoria and Albert Museum in South Kensington (www.vam.ac.uk), the Imperial War Museum (www.iwm.org.uk), the Museum of London (London Wall, www.museumoflondon.org.uk), the National Maritime Museum in Greenwich and a host of others. So much culture, so nil cash to see it. Brilliant.

Go see. TV and radio shows rely on an audience, so why not bag yourself some free tickets to go and be at a recording or in a live audience. A great way to see some top names for absolutely nish money. Result! To get tickets have a look at these websites. www.applausestore.com, www.sroaudiences.com, www.tvrecordings.com, www.bbc.co.uk/tickets

Go hear. Over a ton for a festival ticket? Balls to that - volunteers and stewards get in for nowt to festivals and gigs as well as exhibitions and the like. As you’d expect there is some work involved and places get snapped up double quick, but opportunities do exist, starting now. There are no central recruiting points, you just have to scour the world wide interweb, but www.oxfam.org.uk/get_involved/stew arding/index.html seems to be a good place to start. Or be a litter picker around 3000 tonnes of rubbish are left behind at Glasto and if that doesn't sound appealing consider this: anything that can be identified, like a wallet, is handed in to lost property while rolls of cash are finders keepers. One litter picker found £8000, another discovered a kilo of hash in a hedge.

Go get. Freecycle is a not for profit organisation whose mission is “to build a worldwide gifting movement that reduces waste, saves precious resources & eases the burden on our landfills while enabling our members to benefit from the strength of a larger community.” In other words, you post up details of stuff you don’t want no more, other members who do want it come and get it from you, or you see something you want that someone else has posted and you go get it from them - all for free. Our mate Mark Morriss got a piano from freecycle. Nice one. The Croydon freecycle group has 7,331 active members and all sorts of stuff being offered. To join the group visit www.freecycle.org and type in Croydon. There you go then, 5 ideas for a healthy balanced social life for nil pence. Who says you don’t get something for nothing, rather like this magazine really. Good day to you, but not that good...

...Or, someone else does fuckwit so you don’t have to...

ere’s a fun game for you all you motor vehicle drivers to play this new year: have a quick think about how many times a week you actually use your car - driving to work, nipping to the shops, the general humdrum of everyday life you don’t even consciously consider. I’ve been playing this game since before Christmas and have so far counted an average of around three outings a day in the motor to perform everyday tasks. So far so what, you may be thinking, but consider this; you’ve bumped into someone or been out after work, you’ve had a couple of drinks, you think you’ll be fine to drive. As the tv adverts on the telly will tell you, it’s a very silly thing to do, but we don’t really take any notice of those, do we? We think we’re fine, don’t we? Hmm. In my case it was even less sinister and utterly more asinine than that. I wasn’t trying to drive home, I had had a ‘bright idea’ that seemed to make perfect sense at the time in that I thought I’d save myself a few quid on overnight parking by moving the car from the car park into a bay from where I could retrieve it in the morning. Never in the history of humankind has a ‘plan’, such as it was, backfired so spectacularly as from saving myself like, a tenner, I found myself pulled over by the fuzz, breathalysed and promptly arrested for drink-driving. I’m now facing the possibility of a large fine, typically around £5000. Not only that, but where driving bans used to be discretionary, they are apparently now mandatory - let me repeat that MANDATORY - for drink-driving convictions. Now think again about how many times you use your car for humdrum everyday things. Hiring a lawyer won’t necessarily help, but it’ll cost you upwards of a grand up front to find out if it could, and then more if they represent you etc, so financially you’re pretty much knackered either way. All pretty bad

then, but it doesn’t stop there - let’s not even mention the criminal record (meaning you can’t go to America, apparently, so your holiday’s buggered too), possible loss of job, community service - prison, even - and the massive hike in insurance costs, shall we? No let’s not. Let’s not mention either that job on Top Gear going right down the shitter... Now you may, at this point, be thinking ‘you fucking idiot’ and you’d be exactly right, you can’t make me feel any worse about it than I do already, believe me, but I am, essentially, a very sensible individual - I

So half of us have done it to some extent or another, and yet we all think the horrifying consequences can’t happen to us. Yes, they can, and when they do, you may be surprised that you’re over the limit at all, or at just how far over you may have been - it’s extremely difficult to tell - various factors influence that particular can of worms, and the penalties increase exponentially depending on the readings that come back from the station breath tests. The worst thing is that you just feel so utterly ashamed of yourself. I’ve spoken to someone else who also

A survey by Brake, the road safety charity, shows that half of drivers admit to driving after drinking alcohol have a good job, a mortgage, parents who love me (or at least who do until they find out about this), I’ve never set foot in a police station before, let alone been arrested, sat in the back of the cop car, been fingerprinted, DNA swabbed and everything else - it is NOT a pleasant or dignified experience. All of which is why I’ve written this piece, as a cautionary tale, and one that’s especially relevant as we enter a new year and attempt to survive it intact. Statistics show that last year there were over 90,000 people convicted of drink-driving, so it follows that not all of them were those boozed-up nutters you see on ‘Police-Stop! A significant proportion must have been just normal, ordinary human beings, like you out there reading this - or like me, in fact - which just goes to show how easy this kind of idiocy can be. According to a survey of 1,000 drivers by Brake, the road safety charity, half of drivers admit to drink-driving (after drinking any amount of alcohol at least once in the last twelve months), and one in four drivers admit to driving after drinking an amount of alcohol they know is affecting their driving. 54

inexplicably became a fuckwit one night and they agreed. In fact they said they felt like the biggest arsehole in the world, which pretty much sums it up. And all that was for driving a few hundred, incident-free yards - imagine how you’d feel if you’d injured or killed some poor bugger who was minding their own business, imagine how you’d feel if you’d killed a young kiddie? Imagine if you’d managed to kill yourself - a big empty space at the dinner table. It really doesn’t bear thinking about. So, we’re not saying don’t have a good time this year, far from it, we’re saying have an absolutely fabulous time - I know I’m going to try to, but unfortunately I’ve got all the possible consequences of one moment of utter madness hanging over my head until my court date on Valentine’s Day nice - and it’s been hanging over there since before Xmas, which put a bit of a dampener on the festive season, to say the least. No, all we’re saying is - if you are going out for a few drinks, please stay safe and leave the car well alone. It’s really, REALLY not worth it - seriously, trust me on this...

The latest dispatches from the other side of the world courtesy of Deep’s very own globe-trotting correspondant Geoff Lyons... Monday 22nd December: After 19 days technically standing upside down, had I put hard-rock mousse in my hair, I'd now look like that fella off the 7-Up can... for this is indeed The Land Of Oz, and we're a long way from Kansas, Toto (and Croydon, for that matter...)

'day to ya, mates and readers of Deep, from Port Headland on the coast of North-West Australia, where we've literally just blown into town after a four day road trip from Perth. We - that's me, ole Noodle-bonce and my mate Giles, are headed to Broome for Christmas, and should be there in time for a beer or twenty in a pub on Christmas Eve afternoon. Earlier this month, I was in Goa, India, heading for Mumbai, where I narrowly missed the terrorist attack at the Main Station, and nearing the end of the 2nd leg of a round-the-world trip... (many thanks, by the way, to those who either texted or Facebooked me to ask if I was okay - it was much appreciated at a pretty nervy time). From there it was back to Delhi, all via long long train journey's. The great bit about that was the variety of people I met. Swapping the non-stop hassle and squalor of India for the super-chilled, clean and healthy sparkle

of Western Australia was a mindbender. Last time I was in Oz I had a month in Melbourne, then did a loop clockwise via Ayres Rock and down the Gold Coast to Sydney. After a good few weeks of trying to avoid pissed-up Poms in Billabong clothes, and grouchy Aussies who, quite understandably, didn't like 'em, Oz wasn't what I wanted or had hoped for at all. The idea had been to end with the classic Bondai Beach Christmas, but frankly it was way too expensive and commercial to bother, and an internal flight to Perth was by far the right move. That was 1998, and so now I

reggae, etc, but AC/DC is unsurprisingly hitting top spot at the mo. We've followed The Great North Highway up and across, staying in camp sites barbecuing Roo Steaks and Kanga Bangers and drinking Emu Export. I love it, being the outdoorsy type who prefers to stay in a tent instead of a Holiday Inn when I go to a festival. Well, I thought that was the idea... Hands up all those who agree ! We've passed through towns with names like Meekatharra, and nearby to places like Jingalong, and yeah, been very close to The Rabbit-Proof Fence. My memory so far is mainly of the

“A trip to the WACA, home of Western Australian cricket, if you’re into the game like I am, was bloody brilliant” find myself back here, 10 years later... I based myself in 'Freo' (Fremantle), near Perth, for a fortnight and had that time to myself before a mate was flying in from the UK to double the numbers for a month, and making trips to Rottnest Island ( blissfully car-free so I cycled 'round it with a bloke from Belfast), The WACA (pronounced 'WAKKA') Ground - home of WA cricket, and Lillee, Thomson and Gilchrist if your into the game like I am, were bloody brilliant. Soaking up Freo's arty music scene was also fab. A bus ride south to Albany was cool too, in both senses of the word. Then I shot back to Perth and met my mate Giles at the airport, we hired a small van, and here we are. Every good road trip needs a kickarse soundtrack, right? Well the amount and variety of choons we have at our disposal is the dingos tackle, from rock 'n' indie thru world music to 56

colours - the earth and sand are paprika-red. The tarmac granite grey. The sky is a vivid, vivid blue and the cyclone off the nearby coast to the north coupled with the mini-twisters or 'willie willies', spin and stretch the few clouds up there to candy floss. And there's a ton of roadkill. The carcasses of dead 'roos, over-sized lizards, cattle and sheep dot the sides of the two-lane black and grey top. Seen quite a few Aborigines too. A weird and wonderful looking race of people with, it seems, no real future at the moment, apart from booze and drugs. The littlies (kids) chatter and giggle non-stop. Well. I gotta go and grab a cold one. It's 35-plus out there and I need to re-hydrate. Hope I didn't ramble on tooooo much and bore the hide off ya. Have an awesome and fantastic 2009, folks. Hugs, Geoff. xx

Mystic Mike returns - there seems to be no way to stop him - with your stars for the year ahead... Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19 WORK: Does your colleagues locking you in the filing cabinet count as working? It does? Ok, well in that case a productive year work-wise. LOVE: It’s never simple is it, love? I mean, I love Leona Lewis and yet when I ask the Editor to arrange to meet her she reminds me of my wife and child. Love is cruel. FRIENDS: I thought of a good idea for a television programme. Basically a lot of people are struggling to get on the housing market so you get some couples to guess how many bricks it takes to build a house. They get to see the plans of course and various parts of the build are completed by celebrities, as well as the contestants, then the winner gets the house. I’m full of good ideas. And ribena. MONEY: $

Gemini May 21-Jun 21 WORK: You take a job as a fall guy in the new year. Another year older, another year none the wiser eh Gemini? LOVE: Believe it or not you actually have quite a good year love wise. Your current partner (if you have one) doesn’t cheat on you (again) and if you don’t have a partner you will get one (that doesn’t cheat on you, other than with the person who had the current partner, who’s partner cheated on them, with your new partner). Ok? FRIENDS: There is a growing school of thought that the validity of friendship is exaggerated by the media. In other words, having friends is sooooo last season, acquaintances are the way forward. You should be fine.

Capricorn Dec 22-Jan 20 WORK: I can’t remember what I was doing the other day but I remember it Apr 21-May 20 turned out alright in the end. I have a Taurus feeling it was to do with gherkins and a WORK: You take a job as a pencil sharpener in March and are promoted in small bowl of cribbage. October, well done. You finish the year as first reserve Pritt Stick. LOVE: Cobwebs. FRIENDS: Quite a successful year friends wise for you as some crawl out of the woodwork. Admittedly calling woodlice your friends isn’t great but you have to start somewhere. MONEY: Sam and the gang are back with brand new exciting adventures heroically helping the residents of Pontypandy. Sam is joined by a host of fun and engaging new characters, including a new Mountain Rescue Station manned by the rugged Tom Thomas and a stray but talented dog, Dusty.

LOVE: Now you’re not allowed to put cards in phone boxes your “love” life has entered something of a slump. Still, better than being entered by a stump. FRIENDS: I once ran out of ketchup and decided to use my own blood instead. MONEY: You get mugged in July, just outside the Whitgift Centre. On the bright side, at least it means you don’t actually have to enter the godforsaken pit that encapsulates Croydon at its worst.

Virgo Aug 23-Sep 22 WORK: I would have to say, if you asked me, that personally I think Safety Last! Is better than The Freshman, but then I think some of the others were better – Feet First, I do or Hot Water for example. His estate was called Greenacres, which is on the way to the nursery actually, weird.

Cancer Jun 22-Jul 22 WORK: Did you know that Guam and the Mariana Islands (just off junction 23, North of Kettering) have the highest rates of spam consumption? Somewhere in the region of 16 tins a year I believe, so popular that it’s on the menus in the big LOVE: You have to love yourself before fast food franchises as well. you can love anyone else. That’s what the impotence clinic told a friend of a friend LOVE: Did you know that Nepal is the anyway. only country in the world whose flag is FRIENDS: Few and far between. MONEY: Copper jar. Pisces

Feb 20-Mar 20

not square or rectangular? FRIENDS: I didn’t realise that Pable Picasso's full name was "Pablo Diego José Francisco de Paula Juan Nepomuceno María de los Remedios Cipriano de la Santísima Trinidad Martyr Patricio Clito Ruiz y Picasso." MONEY: Apparently the woodpeckers tongue is so long that it actually curls around its skull.

MONEY: I had some money once, but I gave it away in exchange for a bag of potatoes. Now you might think that was an odd transaction, but those potatoes became mash, which became a major TV hit. Yes, it is I, Bodger, from Bodger and Badger fame (and riches).

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Leo Jul 23-Aug 22 WORK: I think it was Bertrand Russell who said that one of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown was the belief that ones work is terribly important. Quote that next time you’re getting a going over from the boss. By the time you count to 10, the problem will have “disappeared.” LOVE: I think it was The Walker Brothers who said that breaking up was so very hard to do. I guess you’d know, what with being an egg. FRIENDS: Five of them, all the same size. MONEY: Depends if free range, but I would say about £1.52 a box? Sagittarius Nov 22 - Dec 21 WORK: Tumble outta bed, I stumble to the kitchen, pour myself a cup of ambition, yawnin’, stretchin’, tryin’ to come to life. LOVE: They say that when you get married, it’ll be too a millionaire, but they don’t realise where you came from and I wonder if they really care or give a damn. FRIENDS: It’s really laughable ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ho. MONEY: All I really want is money in my pocket, cash in my hand, yo skrilla in my wallet.

Aries Mar 21-Apr 20 WORK: Whilst in these testing times any job or career should be valued and protected, just claiming that you work in “this and that” doesn’t count. Nobody really believes you when you say it’s a new retail outlet.

Libra Sep 23-Oct 22 WORK: Bentley’s gonna sort you out.

MONEY: The one positive side of life in 2009 Aries fans. Your Granny dies and leaves enough poundage for you to see out your abysmal existence for a further 12 months by which time maybe I’ll have better news for you?

MONEY: A not very famous person once said that if you pay peanuts, you get monkeys. In case you were wondering, this is not true. I tried to pay peanuts, oddly enough for a bag of peanuts, and I got nothing. Not even a small baboon. I lost a monkey in Japan once.

LOVE: A lady once said to me that I didn’t know the meaning of the word love. Naturally I quoted it verbatim from the concise and yet she said something about that not being the true meaning at which LOVE: Your penchant for cross-dressing point I just thought to myself: “I’m a doesn’t bode well but you do meet celebrity astrologer and you’re a groupie, someone next year who at least what do you know?” understands. Unfortunately it’s Jeremy FRIENDS: Probably the cruellest of blows Kyle and he’s lying. is landed early in the year as a number of FRIENDS: Take-away delivery driver, bank your “friends” are taken away from you clerk, bus conductor or mad preacher in one fell swoop. Still, you must be able woman near the station; none of these to move your box from outside want to speak to you at any length, Woolworths of an evening to somewhere else, no? they’re working, please accept it.

Scorpio Oct 23-Nov 21 WORK: I see a man in glasses. LOVE: I see a woman in glasses. FRIENDS: I see people in glasses. MONEY: I see glasses.