Deep-London November 2008 by angela ferrara

deep online at: www.deep-london.co.uk • www.issuu.com • facebook • www.myspace.com/wiredmag • http://sk.im Ahoy-hoy... ...and welcome to issue 65. Having regaled you last month with the horrible tale of the lost mobile, this month I’ll terrify you all with the saga of the last wallet. Er, It’s gone. Don’t know where. That’s it. Chilling, I think you’ll agree. Again, there is a chance it’s lurking in the time/space vortex that is deep-villas, but I’ve had a shufti and can’t see it. I’m quite annoyed, not because it had my credit card in it as you’d imagine - that’s over the limit so any scrote that wants to use it will have to pay the arrears first - suckers! - but because it had my ticket for Hamlet in it as well as a lottery ticket that subsequently won £10. So, assuming someone somewhere either nicked it or found it and didn’t hand it in, I think we can state with some confidence that crime actually does pay, albeit not very much... Anyway, this month I’ve mostly been on a mission to expand my horizons - literally, metaphorically and chemically - by trying a series of things variable in their excitement but united under the banner of ‘new’. Well, new to me, anyway. These things include going to an orchestra recital, the recording of a radio-play, my first rugby match, judging the final of a fashion show (yes, really), getting horribly lost in Soho (actually that happens quite a lot but not normally while I’m looking for a trio of Victorian comedians after a show), abstaining from booze for a bit, trying to be vaguely healthy and deciding that I’ve had quite enough of various people taking the piss, thank you very much. Most of these experiences can be found dotted around this month’s issue apart from the getting lost, getting mad and getting healthy bits. Talking of which, Christ on a bicycle, eating sesame seeds is a lot of effort for not much return, whilst cranberry juice appears to be the most sugary drink on the planet. Rather unpleasant, really - I shall go back to kebabs and vodka lucozade for breakfast, and no doubt be much the happier for it. More new things beckon in November as Deep attends its first gay wedding / civil partnership thingamyjig down in Winchester, with Boris in tow, so I’ll wager there’ll be some sort of pubbage report going on for that one, along with a couple of other exciting things that I don’t want to jinx by mentioning just yet. Watch this space. You never know, I may change the editor’s picture and there may even be news of the fabled Deep Xmas party which we haven’t even thought about yet but really should get our arses into gear to organise. Again, space, watch, this. Right, I think that’s about it for November. It’s very late and my mind is unravelling like a tapestry with some angry kittens so time to go. When we see you again it’ll be December, thus nearly Christmas, which is a sobering yet intoxicating thought in so many ways but until then, people, stay safe, stay warm, don’t play with fireworks and above all allons-y! Angela xx Your Bonsai Editor

Nov 2008 Issue Sixty Five Contact Us: editor: angela ferrara tel: 07910 506197 / 020 8680 3558 e: angela@deep-london.co.uk staff & contributors: mystic mike, auntie may, lazy-boy, chz photography, wendy freer, angela hedgecock, geoff lyons, marie ferrara, todd anthony / BBC, justin merritt, simon caldow, ozlem mehmet, christer odegaard advertising sales: call angela on 07910 506197 or e-mail angela@deep-london.co.uk printed by: Positive Image publishing & graphic design: deep-london web design: neil williams, info@nojwilliams.net web hosting: europahost, 94 southbridge road, south croydon, CR0 1AF, tel: 0845 644 1484. www.europahost.net thanks to: jean, tony, marie, jamie; toby; kenny, ben;

happy birthday: jamie, dave, steve, jazmin, pete, mik, sheila congratulations: jo and josie, lewis hamilton r.i.p: alton ellis

GET YOUR EVENT LISTED: e-mail: ANGELA@ DEEP-LONDON.CO.UK what’s on listings are absolutely free!

Last date for inclusion in December issue -

Friday 21 November

NOVEMBER 2008 THIS MONTHS FEATURES:

‘Tash is Back!

Anjum Anand

Stealing Green

Eco-Threads

Ka-Boom!

Lazy Boy

The Agony

Resonance Association

A Series of Unusual Events

Month in Pictures

Wrong Way Round

News

Stars

LISTINGS:

16 3

What’s On Guide

Pubs, clubs, bars

Restaurants

Cabs, Hotels

Music

Cinema / Theatre

Adult

ere at Deep Villas / Wired Towers, we have many, many friends that we’ve made along the way, but only a handful who we’ve met entirely as a result of interviewing them that have gone on to become what we’d call ‘proper mates’. Ash is one notable example, and we’ve put him on the cover twice, and ‘Tash is another, so we thought we’d afford her the same courtesy, but not in a gratuitous way oh no, as the ‘Duchess of Croydon’ is here to tell us all about her new project, a book described as an antidote to fusty, disciplinary, soul-destroying parenting books, amongst other things. For background, regular readers may recall that Natasha first appeared on our cover way, way back just after we’d started this thing, when she was working as a DJ for Xfm and where our astrologer tried unsuccessfully to chat her up. Since then she’s had two kids Oscar and Wilf (not with our astrologer, I hasten to add, but with her partner Jim) and has moved on to be the host of BBC6 Music’s Weekend Breakfast show, from which she retired a couple of weeks ago, thus getting back some sort of a social life (kids permitting) and a chance to move on to pastures new. We caught up with her, first at a rugby match and then on a Friday night after she’d put the kids to bed (keeping the mystical one well away from the whole scene) to find out what’s new, and, as it turns out, have a long old chat about anything and everything, including the traumatising effects of the Divine Comedy, Fidgety Fish, Radio Porn, being a lightweight and the joy of swearing... Does it feel odd not having to get up at 4am on a weekend to go into work? “The last show was really difficult. I cried - I was really embarrassed. I’d been there 4 years - in fact the same week I found out I was pregnant with Oscar was the same week I got the job at BBC 6 Music, so it was quite an emotional time for me really. I’d just had 18 months in the radio wilderness, so to get the job was brilliant, and also quite scary, but I really grew to love that show. We had some really lovely listeners. On my last show I was inundated - I’ve never received so many

texts and e-mails, it was wonderful. Everyone was so lovely. “I’m doing a blog to keep in touch with the listeners and I’ve just done my first pod-cast, which I recorded in the cupboard under the stairs after we had to throw the first attempt away because it was so shit. We’d set the microphone up in our sitting room, just me and Jim. Basically what it was was me trying to get conversation out of him, him not wanting to play ball then us bickering, for about an hour, so it was awful. There were a lot of long silences of me sulking... But, I’ve re-done it now and it’s a bit more structured. It’s on my website for anyone who wants to listen to it at www.natashadesborough.co.uk. It’s an audio link” Is it with the link to the video of you dancing about in what I can only

you can hear it takes me a good few seconds to work out what he’s said and then it’s - woooah! It was just the most uncomfortable show I’ve ever done in my life, because I was being a person that I’m totally not, pretending to be this sex goddess. What was worse though was that I had to read out erotic poetry, which was fine when it was kind of classically recognised or by the great poets, but I also had to read out poems by the listeners. There were basically a lot of poems with ‘duck’ in them, for rhyming purposes... “I’ve got a friend I met recently at a play-group for the kids and she recognised my voice from the late night porn show. She’s got a real difficulty associating me, boring ‘Tash, with this late night supposed sex goddess of the airwaves. She says, ‘oh, no, you’re really

“Some bloke posted a comment that the book should be banned. I’ve cut it out, I’ve framed it, it’s in my kitchen, on my wall. It fills me with joy” describe as an, erm, disco debacle? “Oh God, that was very embarrassing. I wasn’t even drunk! It was for the show - the listeners wanted me to do some dancing so I thought, ‘ok, cool, I’ll do it’. I hadn’t told Jim about it at all, so he comes home from work one evening and there’s me, working it, in the sitting room. He just walked in, stood there, looked at me then walked straight out again, leaving me to it. Because I had a little video camera filming it - he must’ve just thought ‘what the hell is she doing now?’ I didn’t care though, I was going for it!” So what’s the deal with the podcast? “The first podcast is revisiting my radio-porn days, which goes back to when I was at Xfm and I did the late night chill-out room. It makes me cringe. I was having a clear out and found all these tapes, which I stuck on and I just nearly died - it was like erotic poetry, conversation with pervy callers. So yeah, the podcast revisits that, and deconstructs some of my appaling links. “There’s a link on there where some bloke has made a lewd suggestion and 4

not that at all - if anything you’re sexually repressed...’ She had me down as this girl who has like a kinky dungeon under the stairs. I’ve got a hoover under the stairs. And a microphone, for the podcasts... “It makes me cringe that I used to do radio porn... I think maybe it’s cathartic for me to go through these tapes, address my shady past. Maybe it’ll make me a stronger person. And a better mother...” Speaking of which, you’ve got your social life back now from work, but you’ve got the kids - do you manage to get out and about at all? “I’m going out tomorrow with Jim, just the two of us, for the first time since Wilfie was born - he’s one, so over a year ago. We’re going to the Old Bell in Oxted. I haven’t been out in Croydon for ages, I think the last time was with a load of mums and we went to a really rubbish bar. I felt like an old lady, I was trying to eat my dinner and the DJ kept turning the music up louder and louder. Then I realised we were the only ones sitting down eating dinner and everyone else was drinking and dancing.

“Last weekend I went out with a mummy friend and we just went to Pizza Express in Purley. We had our dinner and thought, right, ready for bed now...” You are so rock and roll! “I’m so pathetic! I had half a bottle of wine and an extra glass and that was enough for me to feel it the next day, quite badly. Jim went out the other day, had a few pints and was arseholed. We’re just pathetic and old and boring. I can go out whenever but it’s like: Go out? ...Or have a sleep... It’s a nobrainer. My bed is so lovely. “Before I started working in radio I was really interesting, then I got a job in radio and I became really uninteresting. I’ve never been able to go out and get hammered and then be able to function the next day - when I was doing the late night stuff I’d be there trying to be all sexy and all I could think was ‘God, I just want to go home and have some horlicks...’ Is that really shameful? “Earlier this year I went out with

and being real. It’s just a bit of fun. And it’s some kind of release for me as well I think... And it’s going really well. I’m getting people to contribute to it. Any contribution at all from anyone who wants to contribute please do go to the website at www.parentaladvisorymanual.co.uk and e-mail me. If they’re funny, they’ll make it into the book. That’s what it’s all about - I want it to be really good fun. But it’s definitely not a parenting book, it’s a humour book, for parents. “Have you seen that quote from the Croydon Guardian? They press released the website to test the water a few weeks ago and Croydon Guardian ran a piece on it. And obviously a few people went and had a look at the website. “One bloke went on and posted a comment which they ran in the paper this is the quote “This woman is a prime example of the type of parenting that has led to the breakdown of family values that we are seeing today. This handbook should be banned!” I’ve cut it

“You need to find replacement swear words which are as effective and satisfying to say as the actual expletives...” another group of mums and we just went to a Thai restaurant in Purley. We didn’t get out of the house until about 9 o’clock and we really didn’t drink much probably about two glasses of wine. We stayed until about half past twelve and were all bouncing off the walls with excitement to be out past midnight. We felt like naughty children. It’s ridiculous, kids muck up your life...” Is that why you’re writing the book as revenge? “When you become a parent you get consumed in the world of mummy and daddy-dom - you lose your sense of identity and forget what it’s like to be a grown-up, or just to be really juvenile and have a laugh. The Parental Advisory Manual that I’m writing is the kind of book that I wanted to read myself. The thing is, it’s not a handbook in any way. I could never do the parenting books because there’s just too much information, and this perfect parenting thing - that’s all very difficult. It sets you up for failure. As soon as you have a child you feel like a failure anyway, every day you think you’re fucking your child up and doing it wrong. “So it’s not a handbook, it’s a humour book - the kind of book you have just to lighten it up. Bitesized stupid little things that parents talk about at playgroups and stuff when they’re having a laugh

out, I’ve framed it, it’s in my kitchen, on my wall. That is proper. I am officially a bad mother. I thought that was brilliant. It fills me with joy. We actually used that in our proposal. We took that little bit and put it into our proposal, and it made the whole thing much more desirable to the publisher, ironically.” I’m sure our readers will probably get the point of the book a bit more than that bloke did... “Definitely. So if anyone does want to contribute, or just have a look, there are links from my website to it and back again, in a big circle, so you can go from one to the other. In a really easy breezy way...” Apart from the obvious impetus of having kids yourself, how did you come up with the idea? “It’s something that’s been lurking in my mind for the last few years - I had the idea there, but I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do with it, then earlier this year it suddenly all became clear and I thought ‘right, there it is - Parental Advisory Manual’ It became obvious. When mums get together, the kind of mums who are like me, who aren’t really ‘mummy’ types, and who do find it difficult not to say shit and fuck and bugger in front of a kid - what do you do? You can say it and hope they don’t repeat it but chances are they will in 6

front of the vicar or something. Oscar went through a phase of not being able to pronounce his f’s properly and they’d come out as s, and he was just going around saying ‘suck’s sake, suck’s sake mummy’, and I just thought ‘Oh, God, I’ve got nip this in the bud now. That’s quite bad isn’t it? That’s my child... I’ve reigned myself in now, but it was difficult.” There’s a section in the book offering alternative expletives to actual swearing, my favourite of which is the word ‘twunt’... “Twunt actually sounds more offensive than the two words it’s replacing. If you call someone a twunt it seems worse. The good thing about it is that you need to find replacement swear words that are as effective and as satisfying to say as the actual words, and twunt is. I know though that at the BBC I’d never have got away with saying twunt on the radio - people would’ve complained even though it’s not a swear word. There’s a list of words, like a ranking of swear words, that you can’t say on air, and all the obvious ones are there but things like ‘bloody’, which you think are kind of everyday words, you’re not allowed to say. I heard Richard Madeley say bloody on the telly! “I swore once on air I think. I said ‘oh shit’ and then got all flustered and followed it up by blurting out ‘oh, bugger’. But I think that’s the only time. It’s weird, I swear a lot but it’s like a reflex when you’re on air that you just don’t. I become a different person on radio - I become much more interesting, for a start, and much more articulate you have in the back of your mind that swear words are much more powerful than if you say them in everyday life. On radio swearing makes you sound a but thick, like you can’t think of anything better to say than to just shove a ‘fuck’ in. I’m ashamed of myself...” The thing is though, swearing is nothing to be ashamed of. As it turns out it is in fact both big and clever. National Treasure Stephen Fry once famously said "The sort of twee person who thinks swearing is in any way a sign of a lack of education or of a lack of verbal interest is just fucking lunatic. Or they say, 'It's not necessary.' As if that should stop one doing it. Things not being necessary is what makes life interesting." “I saw that. I love Stephen Fry. I find him attractive in a funny sort of way...” I’m not sure you’d have any luck. “No, I might be able to sway him though, but I think he’d really think I was thick. If I had a dream dinner party I’m not sure I’d invite him.”

I concur, he’s on my list of people I’d like to interview but I think, no I can’t, he’ll think I’m a gibbering idiot. “He would - I’d like to back you up and say no, he’d think you were great, but...” Anyway... Back to the manual, and you’ve had some quite eye-opening contributions so far I noticed? “I have. I don’t know if you saw the CBeebies sex fantasy bit? Blimey...” I did, I was most concerned about Roma from the Hoobs... “Roma from the Hoobs! You like the Hoobs though - what kind of a weirdo are you?!? You watch the Hoobs... You really are a wrong ‘un... But, erm, yes, fantasising about Sportacus is a bit wrong.” Any new sections being added to the book? “Yes, today I was working on a section on how to influence your child’s musical taste, because now I’ve got Oscar obsessed, in a slightly weird way with the Divine Comedy’s, ‘Something For The Weekend’. I thought he might like that because it’s kind of funny, so I put it on this morning. For the rest of the day he’s been playing it over and over again because he’s slightly freaked out about what’s in the woodshed. ‘Is it a monster mummy that’s in the woodshed?’ I didn’t realise I was going to traumatise him by it. But that’s the reason he’s listening to it - not because he likes the song, it’s ‘cos he wants the answer. He’s still waiting - ‘what is in the woodshed?’ I’m going ‘well I think there’s wood in the woodshed’ and he’s, ‘nooo, I think there’s a monster.’ He’s crapping himself. He’ll probably have a nightmare tonight. The woodshed is now a scary thing. We haven’t even got a woodshed! “There comes a time when you just get sick of ba ba black sheep. Luckily, he’s quite musical and at the moment has latched on the Ting Tings album. Loves it. He also really likes The Laughing Gnome by David Bowie which is either a work of genius or a pile of shit. It’s a fine line. I’m not sure which, although the bit where he burps makes it for me. Any song with a burp in it is fine by me. Benny Bullfrog by Madness, for example. “Oscar likes ‘Lovecats’, ‘Size Of A Cow’ - ‘Oh mummy how very funny, a song about a cow...’ It’s all about the animals - ‘Golden Retriever’ by the Super Furry Animals. Abba’s ‘Tiger’. Just name any song with an animal in it, that’s what the kids like! He’s not digging Tiger Feet though. It is just bloody annoying though, so fair enough really.

“The one thing no-one tells you about children is you can’t influence them. If you have more than one you get to do the brilliant things like reading to them at night, but then they get a favourite book which you end up having to read over and over again for like three years, and then just when you think, ‘brilliant, they’ve outgrown that now’, the second one comes along and you’ve got to do arsing ‘Fidgety Fish’ all over again for another three years. “That’s six years of fidgety fish, which is a lot of fidgety bloody fish... The only reason I got fidgety fish in the first place was that Oscar couldn’t pronounce it and kept calling it ‘shitty shish’. That only lasted a week and now I’m lumbered with it. “They are a joy but, fucking hell, they are a draining, expensive, tiring joy... I think the last few years having kids has been the best time of my life but I am permanently tired. If anything ages you, it’s children. You try to be clever and say

‘I know what’ll be a really good game let’s see who can be as quiet as a mouse!’ and then you end up having to crawl around on the floor squeaking....” So what’s next? “I’ve got to really knuckle down now and finish the book, hopefully in the next couple of weeks we’ll get the green light from the publisher to go ahead. It’s all looking good. I think my literary agent...” Ooooh! “I know! How grown up is that?! I can’t quite believe it. It’s one thing having an agent agent, but a literary agent? This from someone who until very recently was spelling family with two l’s..?” Read or contribute to the Parental Advisory Manual at www.parentaladvisorymanual.co.uk. Visit Tash, hear the podcast and marvel at the dancing at www.natashadesborough.co.uk

Everyone loves a good curry, but cooking one at home can seem a bit daunting. Not so, says Anjum Anand, star of ‘Indian Food Made Easy’

s spice queen Anjum Anand continues her journey up and down the country, proving that Indian food can be cooked with the minimum of fuss, we catch up with her to find out all about the new series, the different flavours found in Indian regions and how she learned a lot of what she knows from her mother's cooking. Tell us about the new series. "It is such a fantastic series. It has the same format as the first series of Indian Food Made Easy but, in this series, each episode and the food is based around a different Indian community in one of the regions of Britain. There is a lot more

on their daily menus. "The food of Goa has a strong element of other coastal regions with a love of fish, coconut and rice, but also changed permanently with the Portuguese colonisers who were there for 450 years, so the diet includes a lot of pork as well as vinegar and a lot more baking than anywhere else in India. "Gujarati cuisine is often vegetarian – their food is so delicious, you can see they have perfected vegetarian cooking over the millennia. "Bengali food is very different from the other regions. Here, too, the fish is king and is eaten every day, but the

“Choose a simple dish so that you can build up confidence before tackling complex ones.” information being imparted about India, the people and the history told and experienced through their food. The food has recognisable favourites such as Vindaloo and Roganjosh but cooked in the traditional way. The series has many new and exciting dishes as well." In the new series you look at the different flavours found across India's sub-continent. Can you describe the difference between the regions? "The food from every region is dependent on a number of factors: the ingredients grown there, the history of the region (whether there have been any long-ruling colonisers) and the main religions found there. In the series, we talk about six regions. "Kashmir is very influenced by food of the Moghuls, so it is very red-meat rich with lots of yoghurt helping to cut through the richness. The food of Kerala is the most diverse as it has large concentrations of Muslims, Christians and Hindus, but what they do have in common is the love of fresh seafood, coconut and rice. Both feature heavily

spicing is more delicate and there is a heavy use of mustard seed and mustard oil. There is also some residual influence from the British, who ruled the country from Calcutta. "Finally, Punjabi food, which is the food we are most familiar with, is quite rich, full of vegetables, lentils, wheat products and deep-flavoured curries." You also visit home cooks and chefs in the UK in the new series – what new tips did you pick up? "I picked up tips on how to make fish pickle, how to cook rice the Kashmiri way and how to make perfect onion bhajis. I learned about Kashmiri green tea and how it is brewed there and I learned that you can cook a curry in aluminium foil on an open fire." What advice would you give to someone who's about to cook their first Indian dish and who finds it all rather daunting? "Stick to familiar ingredients so that you are not tackling a new cuisine and a new ingredient. This will help provide some familiarity before you start. I 10

would choose a simple dish so that you can build up your confidence before tackling the more complex ones." What are the key spices and ingredients for someone who hasn't cooked much Indian food before? "You need cumin seeds, coriander powder, turmeric powder, garam masala and mustard seeds." When did you first become involved in cooking? "I was involved at home from a young age but started cooking for real in my twenties." What's your favourite Indian recipe to cook? “I love cooking my mother's dishes. It is probably quite comforting on an unconscious level and it feels wonderful to cook the same dishes for my daughter that my mother cooked for me. “Anything with the word Punjabi in front of it is probably one of the dishes she taught me as I learned it all from her." Where do you get inspiration for your recipes? "My food is inspired by so many things; a fantastic meal I have recently eaten, my last holiday, a magazine article that I have read, the colours and produce of the season and random conversations I have with people about the food of their childhood and their regions." What other chefs do you admire and why? "I admire Jamie Oliver for achieving what he has at such a young age. Nigella (Lawson) is a great writer and presenter. I love Clarissa Dickson Wright's passion and I really like television presenter and author Ina Garten of the Barefoot Contessa – I find her really inspirational.” Indian Food Made Easy with Anjum Anand returns to BBC 2 on Monday 24th November.. www.bbc.co.uk/food

Stealing Green Rock’n’ roll Q&A returns with a band described by the NME as having ‘Zeppelin sized riffs and even bigger vocals’, Stealing Green... What was the first album that you bought? Colin: Guns N' Roses - Appetite and the 2x Illusions albums Jamie: Stutter Rap – Morris Minor and The Majors Jovan: The Simpsons sing the blues... When did you realise that taking over the world with your music was your chosen career path? Colin: After my first gig 15 years ago. Jamie: After writing our first song at 14. It was called ‘Conscience’. The lyrics were truly terrible but the song was awesome, people seemed to like it and you never lose the thrill of playing your songs live, whether it’s a school assembly or Wembley (speculating)… Jovan: I was in downtown Tehran last summer, drifting, directionless. I picked up the latest single playing all over the streets of Tehran at the time and realised how terrible it was. I thought to myself at that moment, that this is what I must do... And so here we find ourselves... Did you have a career advisor at school and if so what did they initially suggest? Colin: A landscape gardener - to match my creative abilities with the great outdoors... I hope she got fired. Jovan: Funnily enough, I did have one, even more funnily enough; it was Tane's (the singer's) uncle. What has been the best Stealing Green gig to date and why? Colin: Punk - September 2008; our biggest turnout so far and the most energy on stage despite the sound not being great. Jovan: The best one for me was at a house party. We played unplugged and it gave everyone (including us) the chance to hear the songs in a really unadulterated form, clean, like a new born child, before it knows the corruption of our world. It was also the first time we've been able to hear the crowd singing the lyrics back at us, which was an amazing feeling! Jamie: What he said… If you could support any band in the world at any venue, who and where? Colin: Foo Fighters in San Francisco Jamie: I think I’d like to have been on the bill for Faith No More, Soundgarden at Guns n Roses at Wembley. I think it was

1992, my sister went along and I think that’s one of the only gigs I see the line up for and think “I wish I’d been there”. Jovan: Tough one - but it would have to be opening for the RHCP when they had Dave Navarro, on the One Hot Minute tour. Dave Navarro is so hot. How many instruments can you play? Colin: More than 1.... Jamie: Guitar, Piano, Recorder, Kazoo, Fish (AKA Guiro), Triangle Jovan: I can get a tune out of pretty much anything. Reed instruments do seem to perplex me. I once tried to play a tree, but got stung by a wasp..... If your band could cover a particular song, which song do you think it would be? Jamie/Jovan: We've only ever done one cover, and that was for a radio show that used 'She Don't Love Me Like You' by the Magic Numbers as the theme track for the show. We did a little acoustic set and an interview and they had asked us to cover this track. The Magic Numbers' management actually ended up buying the rights from us! Who or which band has inspired you the most creatively? Colin: Led Zeppelin Jamie: At the start it was Gunners, Metallica, Rage, Pantera, Biohazard, Sensor; then in my teens I went all indie then when indie got really annoying it was back to heavier bands – As far as guitarists go there are too many to name. Jovan: My lasting musical influences are (in no particular order) the likes of: Sublime, TOOL, Incubus, RHCP, RATM, Jimi Hendrix, Gomez, Cake, The Dave Brubeck Quartet, Beck, Chemical Brothers, Foo Fighters, Muse, QOTSA, The Police... I could go on, but there's a few! Who or which band has inspired your element of 'cool'? Colin: Guns N' Roses, particularly Slash he just didn't care... Jamie: There aren’t too many bands that don’t just latch on to whatever’s trendy and become a part of it. Put a guitar on anyone and they generally look cool. Jovan: No one yet - I'm hoping it will be Stealing Green.... Have you ever busked in the street? Colin: Yes, I got paid 20p from a teacher 12

at my school, tosser… Jamie: I was busking the other week with Jovan in Covent Garden, it was hilarious. Are you signed yet? Colin: No, but looking to get there! Jamie/Jovan: Nope - still waiting on that call. I'm not sure if people really 'get signed' these days do they? There are so many more roads than there were 10, even 5 years ago. I'm sure being signed is one of them, but that's no longer the sole option and we're working on a number of different fronts to secure our future. Who are the band members and what do they play? Colin/Jamie/Jovan: Colin and Jamie play the guitar (one each - they don't both play the same actual guitar) Joel hits the bass, Tane throws the words out there, and I am on drum duties, with some attempted singing. Do you own a pot plant? Colin: It's a cactus. I forget it's there sometimes. Jamie: I might have been given one once but it didn’t last long. I’m terrible at things like remembering to water them. Jovan: Yes, many. I used to be an Arborist in New Zealand, so I have maintained a keen interest in the flora. My favourite is the Venus Flytrap. The savage beauty of nature, of evolution and the tenuous struggle for life is glorious to behold. Also, it keeps the mozzies out your room, innit? Stealing Green the London Astoria 2 on 21st November with FMM.

ecologically-sound threads from sound ecological folk...

hose of you out there who take an interest in what’s going on around you may have noticed everything going a bit eco-friendly in October, from roof gardens on top of car-parks to a load of half-naked people riding bicycles about to draw attention to the negative ecological impact of cars and the like. Included in all this eco-friendliness was a fashion show hosted by the Passion for the Planet Internet radio station (www.passionfortheplanet.com), in which designers were tasked to make environmentally friendly clothing innovative creations made out of recycled materials, everything from paper and plastic to factory floor off-cuts . So far so worthy. Imagine my surprise however, when who should be asked to judge the final of this shindig but your very own humble Editor. It must be because I’m so achingly fashionable... Anyway, once I’d stopped laughing and picked myself off the floor, it was indeed time to wander down to Centrale and get my vogue on, as it were, along with two other judges infinitely more qualified than me - eco-expo Climate Change consultant Richard Brett and co founder of Passion for the Planet Kenny

Stevens. From now on I’ll let the photos do the talking, but suffice to say 35 models sashayed their way up and down the catwalk in front of a good turn-out of onlookers. Winner Inkeri Medley from REVAMP fashion presented a clever upside down trouser dress, proving simplicity and a few pennies can turn heads. Second prize went to Angela Patel's ALDI dress styled from a 1950's pattern, and third place to Fernando Viana also from REVAMP fashion for his red and black evening dress which rescued scraps from the factory floor. All the garments spotlighted how to reduce re-use and recycle with chic, as did all the designs, and it was a close run thing in the end, so well done everyone!

...things that go KA-BOOM! in the night...

hen you talk about pyrotechnics there are three distinct disciplines at work not including pyromania, which is something else entirely - your firework letter-offer, stage pyrotechnics and film and tv work, and knowing about one doesn’t mean you can do all three. Knowing about any of them does, however, mean you’re in an ideal position to blow your own arm off. It’s inherently dangerous work that requires a fair amount of concentration and

have taken fire safety courses, first aid courses etc. In most countries, although you can buy pyrotechnics in a ready-made, small scale (as in fireworks), you need a licence to buy heavier pyrotechnic effects and / or the material to make these effects. The key to being a good pyrotechnician is to do things that look dangerous, but are as safe as possible. First up, fireworks, the setting off of, for which, somewhat surprisingly, there does appear to be formal

Stage work is tricky because there is a lot of audience, and blowing them up is considered rather bad form... attention to detail, so if you have a tendency to drift off I’d consider another career - that of fluffy-toy monitor or some such less flammable option. Every time you see something that involves fire, smoke and/or explosions in a controlled fashion, you see pyrotechnics. A pyrotechnician is usually someone who has taken one or more courses on the subject. The art of pyrotechnics not only requires a substantial amount of chemistry knowledge; Most pyrotechnicians

training available. Loughborough College and the Production Services association have just implemented a series of BTEC Firework Firers courses. This is the only national, impartial and recognised training available for the firework industry in the UK. If you don’t fancy that, the only other recognised route into the job is by basically finding your local emporium of stuff which goes bang, getting an apprenticeship or even unpaid position and working your jolly way up, attempting to keep hold

of all your fingers throughout. More info can be found at www.pyrosociety.org.uk, especially in the forum. The nice thing with live shows is that they’re usually outdoors. This means that you have a virtually unlimited distance for effects upwards. Unfortunately, the audience is usually a large crowd, and accidents happening here can lead to real disasters, not only because of primary damage (an explosion going wrong, injuring a spectator) but also secondary damage, such as panic erupting, people getting pushed, squeezed and trampled. All kinds of nasty stuff. Live performances usually involve large-scale smoke effects, high flames, spark effects and rockets - you know, a firework display, well d’ur. Meanwhile, for blowing things up on the stage, darling, the best places to visit are The Association of Stage Pyrotechnicians (www.stagepyro.org.uk) and The Association of British Theatre Technicians (www.abtt.co.uk), both of which have links to theatre pyro courses and arcane discussions on such things as ‘maroons’, ‘flashpots’ and ‘jets and gerbs’, none of which I have the foggiest about, but I’d bet they sting

a bit when they go off right next to your head. On stage, pyrotechnics are usually not used for the sake of the pyrotechnics, but as an effect. When Metallica lash into Master of Puppets, for example, 20 foot high flames are a nice way of underlining the music. Effects that are often used on stage include minor explosions (stage work is tricky because there is a lot of audience, and blowing up a fan is never good publicity), flames going high up in the air, smoke effects, sound effects (like gunshots) and sparkly effects. All of these are (if safety distances are held) reasonably safe. Body squibs might also be used, although splattering the audience

chemical (gunpowder etc) or gas effects. The latter is usually just usable for fires etc. The problem with large stage effects is that to be safe, quite some emergency personnel should be available. This has a tendency to scare the crowds, and a scared audience may ruin a performance by not reacting the way they would otherwise, like by bursting into flames etc. On film and tv the pyrotechnicians can do lots of more "fun" things, for several reasons. For one thing, a camera can be at a safe distance, eliminating danger in case something goes wrong. In this setting, the pyrotechnics are often used for the

On film and tv, pyrotechnicians can do a lot more ‘fun’ things, like having people running about burning. On purpose... with (fake) blood usually isn't very popular. Although rockets and other projectile pyrotechnics can be problematic indoors, one can usually have great impact using so-called line rockets. These run along a steel wire, and can fly very low over the audience without being dangerous. Smoke, although effective, is rarely a good idea here, because of spectators who might have asthma, and because it may stop audience from actually seeing what goes on on stage. On stage, one usually uses

sake of using pyrotechnics, instead of for effect (in other words, in many cases, the film would be just as good without the biggest pyrotechnic effects) Another advantage with film is that large teams of fire and emergency personnel can be present without alarming anybody. Besides, professional stuntmen and other experienced people can help giving the effects credibility. This advantage means that on film you can have people running around burning (in an asbestos suit, preferably. A bit painful otherwise) and being "thrown away"

by explosions, by using wires etc. that can be edited away later. However, tv and film work can, as we always say, be really dull. If you’ve ever watched Doctor Who confidential and seen the blokes beavering away for ages to produce something that goes off with a noise like ‘pffstp’, then you’ll know what I mean. There’s always lots of hanging about on set, you’ll invariably have to work in the pissing rain at some point, and there’s always the possibility you may explode someone incredibly famous, which would just be annoying. On the upside, you get to explode stuff on telly and on film, and you may get to blow up someone incredibly famous, which would be cool. We couldn’t find any purposemade courses for tv and film pyrotechnics, but the associations mentioned earlier would probably be able to offer advice and whatnot. Lastly, for an overview course in special effects, which is CGI and all that malarkey but which has an element of pyrotechnics, Bolton University offer these courses, which sound brilliant: BSc (Hons) Special Effects Development, BDes (Hons) Special Effects Development, HND Special Effects Development. There you go then, happy blowingstuff-up, you nutters. Next month, how to locate and stitch your own leg back on...

Stockists: CENTRAL CROYDON: • All Bar One • Bar Red Square • Bar Se7en • Beanos Records • Bedford Tavern • Black Sheep Bar • Brief • Bull’s Head • Clocktower (Tourist Info) • Dog & Bull • Eagle • Fairfield Halls • Goose on the Market • Gun Tavern • Green Dragon • Half and Half Lounge Bar • Loop Pool Bar • Milan Bar • Mojama • Natterjacks (St George’s Walk) • Royal Standard • Ship • Spreadeagle • Steelpoint Tattoo • Strictly UK (Tramms) • Surrey Cricketers • Tiger Tiger • Timebomb Clothing • Walkabout • Yates’s Wine Lodge EAST CROYDON: • Builders Arms • Glamorgan • Orchard • Oval • Porter & Sorter • Tramlink Info Centre • Warehouse Theatre ADDISCOMBE: • Alma Tavern • Claret Free Hse • Cricketers

Pick up your copy of Deep from any of these lovely places:

WEST CROYDON: • Bird in Hand • Bodyworks Whitehorse Rd • Davys Wine Bar • Forbidden Planet • Fox and Hounds • Old Derby (Pitlake) • Windmill SOUTH END & SOUTH CROYDON: • Bodega • Croham Arms • Crown & Pepper • Crown & Sceptre • Earl of Eldon • Edge • Folly • Jalalis • Kays Off Licence • LA Fitness (Royal Oak) • La Spezia Deli (Old Pharmacy - Swan & Sugarloaf) • Laithwaite’s Wines (opp. Windsor Castle) • Peking Tasty • Purley Arms • Rail View • Red Deer • Rupali • Ruskin House • Sackville Gallery • Scream Studios • Stag & Hounds • Sth Croydon BR • Swan & Sugarloaf • Txt Bar • Treehouse • Unwins (Swan & Sugarloaf) • Wheelwrights Arms • Windsor Castle • Woodman • Zizzi PURLEY: • Baan Thai • Brass Monkey • Coffee Bay (by Purley BR) 20

• • • • • • • •

Elliott’s Jolly Farmers Las Fuentes Rectory Purley BR Purley Pool Purley Oaks BR Station Cars (Purley BR)

PURLEY WAY: • Gipsy Moth • Premier Travel Inn Hotel • Green’s Gym SANDERST’D: • Sanderstead BR • Stones Hair Salon • Wine Cellar SHIRLEY: • Cricketers • Crown • Sandrock • Shirley Inn • Surprise Inn FORESTDALE: • Forestdale Arms • McDermott’s Fish Restaurant SELHURST: • Clifton Arms • Pepperton UK • Selhurst Arms • Two Brewers THORNTON HEATH: • The Lord Napier WOODSIDE GREEN: • Beehive SOUTH NORWOOD: • Portmanor KENLEY: • Kenley Arms WHYTELEAFE: • Whyteleafe Tavern

Listings Index: What’s on? 21 full weekly and daily guide Directory: pubs, clubs, bars restaurants cabs hotels music cinema/theatre adult

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All our information was correct at the time of going to press, but as the only certainty in life is change, we suggest you check before heading out. The opinions and reviews which follow are those of the Editor and staff - if you have an issue to raise about them, please ring us, rather than the venue.

Got something going on? We’re not psychic, people - let us know! What’s on listings are FREE! Call Angela on 07910 506197 or 020 8680 3558 or e-mail: angela@deep-london.co.uk

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what’s on Book Now For: • Music: Xfm’s Winter Wonderland 2 December 2008 / 8 December 2008 Kaiser Chiefs, Iglu & Hartley, Ida Maria, Ladyhawke, White Lies (and a very special guest TBA) will be levelling Brixton Academy on Dec 02. On 8th December Scouting For Girls, The View, The Music, The Subways, The Automatic, Cage The Elephant and Kid British will all be making sure there won't be a dry seat in Manchester Academy 1's house. Tickets go on sale this Friday (November 7) at 9am and all profits from Xfm's Winter Wonderland will be donated to Oxfam. That means you can rock hard and feel really good about it. Genius. Want more info? Course you do. Tell Me All About Winter Wonderland Now, Squire! http://www.xfm.co.uk/news/xfm/winter -wonderland-2008

Every Day: • Theatre: Hard Times Until November 16 (Not Mondays) adapted from Charles Dickens directed by Nancy Hirst. With buckets of energy, original new music, mime, movement and puppetry, Icon Theatre bring Dickens' classic novel to life in a powerful new stage adaptation. At age 18, the beautiful Louisa is forced to marry a man she detests, while watching her brother descend into a gambling addiction. Factory worker Stephen Blackpool hides the endless repercussions of a shameful early marriage, while his factory co-workers bay for his blood. The arrival of handsome James Harthouse unleashes the desires of these isolated lives, casting them from the dark mills of Coketown into the high spirited world of the Victorian circus. PRICES & TIMES: Tuesday @ 6.30pm £10 (£8 concessions) Wednesday @ 8pm £10 (£8 concessions) Thursday @ 8pm £8 Friday @ 8pm £15 (£10 concessions) Saturday @ 8pm £15 Sunday @ 5pm £10 (£8 concessions) The Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, Croydon, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk

Something to do every night of the week, Yay! • Exhibition: Statue Philia Until 25 January 2009 The British Museum has one of the world’s most celebrated and diverse collections of sculpture, dating from prehistory to the present day. Since its foundation in 1753, the Museum has consistently engaged with the contemporary world, both in its collecting and its displays. These two themes are brought together in Statuephilia, for which five of Britain’s leading artists have contributed a sculpture responding to these worldfamous collections. Renowned British sculptor Henry Moore spoke of ‘the delight, the excitement, the inspiration’ he received from his visits to the British Museum, and this remains true for the sculptors of today. Antony Gormley and Ron Mueck are represented here by monumental sculptures, Marc Quinn premieres a dazzling gold statue of Kate Moss, while Damien Hirst and Noble and Webster have created provocative new works inspired by the Museum’s collections. These five installations show how our understanding of modern art can be deepened by placing it in an historic, global context and reveal just how relevant the art of the past is to today. Statuephilia encourages us to look afresh at both modern and ancient art, to explore the similarities as well as differences between eras and cultures, and to remind ourselves of the perennial power of sculpture. FREE ADMISSION The Museum is open daily, 10.00–17.30 The British Museum, Great Russell Street, London WC1B 3DG www.britishmuseum.org • Exhibition: Doctor Who Until 9th November 2008 Last chance to see! The Doctor Who Exhibition is the largest ever Doctor Who display in the UK. Visitors are able to get up close to props, costumes, monsters and creatures from all the latest episodes of the hit BBC TV show. On display is the famous TARDIS, K9, Daleks, Cybermen, many of the Doctor's other enemies and much more – dare you visit? Please be warned the exhibition contains strobe lighting, smoke and loud sound effects. Opening Times Monday - Friday 10.30 - 5pm (Last Entry 4pm) Saturday - Sunday 10.00 - 6pm (Last Entry 5pm) 21

Tickets from www.seetickets.com/doctorwho or call the box office on 0871 230 1092 Earls Court, London, SW5 9TA

Every Monday: • Market: Surrey Street London’s oldest continuously running market since 1276, with fruit and veg, bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food, all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydon www.surreystreetmarket.com • Music: Free Your Voice World a capella singing drop-in. Beginners 6.30pm, intermediate 7.45pm. Workshop rooms at The Clocktower, Katharine Street. For more details phone Cate on 020 8683 4737 or e-mail catherine@naturalvoice.net. • Music: Folk and Blues Club From 8pm. Prices vary depending on artist. Call Brian on 0208 698 5322 for further info. Licensed bar. Ruskin House,Coombe Road, CRO. • Music: Big Beer Band The 8 million Big Beer Band musicians have do their big-band thang at the Brief. From 9pm ish TheBrief, George Street, Croydon • Games: Free Pool Every Monday at The Alma. The Alma Tavern 129 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0, 020 8654 5842 • Lifestyle: Croydon Life Club Every Monday 7.30-9.00pm £15.00 per workshop (Concessions given) Croydon Life Club, St Mildred’s Centre Bingham Road, Addiscombe, CR0 7EB More info visit: www.lifeclubs.co.uk • Dance: Ballroom & Latin American Ballroom and latin American classes with stars from BB1 show “Strictly Come Dancing” Fairfield Halls Croydon on Monday evenings for all abilities. 8 week course. Booking essential. Telephone 07944 931130, www.karenhardystudios.com

Every Tuesday: • Market: Surrey Street London’s oldest continuously running market since 1276, with fruit and veg, bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food, all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydon www.surreystreetmarket.com

what’s on • Fitness: Yoga Classes Every Tuesday from 7.30pm-9pm. £5 a class for 6 sessions. Beginners welcome. 140 Brighton Road, Purley. 0208 763 2629 • Dance: Belly Dancing Come and join the fun every Tuesday. Classes are for women only and suitable for all ages, sizes and levels of ability. Make sure you wear comfortable clothing and bring a scarf to tie around your hips to really get you in the mood! Open level - suitable for all 6pm7.15pm In depth class - suitable for experienced dancers only: 7.30pm8.45pm. £7 per class. Call Charlotte Desorgher on 01342 850423 The Green Room, Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, CR9 1DG. Box Office: 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Dance: Ceroc Learn to Ceroc every Tuesday in the Arnhem Gallery. Ceroc is an exciting and stylish modern partner dance which can be performed to all types of music. It’s very easy to pick up, no special clothes are required and you don’t need to bring a partner as we make sure everyone mixes together. Beginners: 8pm; Intermediate: 9pm Freestyle: 9.30pm-11pm Membership £2, Admission £6 For further info tel: 020 8466 5030 or visit: www.cerockent.com Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, CR9 1DG. Box Office: 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Quiz: The Builders Arms General knowledge quiz, always well supported, from 9pm. The Builders Arms • Quiz: The Sandrock Music/general knowledge quiz from 8.30pm every Tuesday. The Sandrock, Upper Shirley Rd, Shirley, CR0. 020 8662 1931. • Quiz: The Crown From 8.30pm The Crown, 28 Wickham Road, Shirley, 020 8662 7801 • Quiz: Dog and Bull from 9ish. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Club: Beautiful People Beautiful people is on every Tuesday

night. This long running alternative night continues to leap ahead having been ahead of the pack in the past playing nu-metal and screamo we are now moving into playing a majority of emo. Our recent celebrity visitors have included My Chemical Romance (we were first UK club to play them) and Alkaline trio alongside them we championed Fallout Boy and Panic at the Disco. Resident DJ Zoe Urchin also blends in ska (Mad Caddies to Specials to Desmond Dekker) and punk ( Undertones to Afi to Green day to Minor Threat) some new school rock (Trivium to Queens of stone age) and a pinch of hip hop and dance (Pendulum to Kano). Drinks deals are an unbeatable £2 for Jack daniels and coke, £1.50 for house spirits and two bottled beers for £3 11pm-3am. £3 flyer/conc before midnight £5 after or otherwise all night theres a full listing, downlaodable flyer, photo gallery , Djs picks and links to our my space page www.wolfshead.co.uk Metro, Basement 19 Oxford Street London W1, www.wolfshead.co.uk • Club: Common People The best indie night in your life! EVER! £1 entry before 10pm, £2 after, £1 drinks till 11pm! Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar

Every Wednesday: • Market: Surrey Street London’s oldest continuously running market since 1276, with fruit and veg, bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food, all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydon www.surreystreetmarket.com • Event: Pool Competition NEW! The weekly pool competition returns to the Oval, from 7pm. £2 in, cash prizes. The Oval Tavern, Oval Road, East Croydon. • Karaoke: The Old Derby From 7pm. Old Derby, 44 Pitlake, CRO. 020 8688 5674. • Gay: Club Camp GAY night at the sheep with cabaret at 11pm + electro, sleeze and cheese till late from Linton. Doors at 8pm, £5 after 9pm 22

www.blacksheepbar.com/clubcamp. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Gay: Camp Bingo - NEW hosted by Miss Isla Blige. Starts 8pm with various prizes. Happy Hour Drinks when you buy your books until the first number is called. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net

Every Thursday: • Market: Surrey Street London’s oldest continuously running market since 1276, with fruit and veg, bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food, all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydon www.surreystreetmarket.com • Music: Live Jazz Every Thursday lunchtime from 12.30pm. FREE! Cafe Opera, Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, CR0. 020 8253 1030. www.croydon.gov.uk/clocktower • Music: The New Delta Big Band From Ellington to Herman, big band jazz at its best! 8.15pm to 11pm. FREE! Every 1st and 3rd Thursday of the month. The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Music: The Brian Hetherington Jazz Band Listen or jive to the authentic rythyms of New Orleans. 8.30pm-11pm. FREE! Every 2nd and 4th Thursday of the month. The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Music: Open Mic at The Good Companions, Hamsey Green, South Croydon, every Thursday 8.30 p.m. Musicians ( Guitarists or others with any ‘reasonable’ instrument ), Duo’s, Trios, Singers, welcome Tel: 0208 6576655. wwwthegoodcompanions.com The Good Companions, Hamsey Green, South Croydon • Club: Xplosive The Wolfshead alternative mafia try a new night at this poular South London bar known up until now for its dance events just around the corner from Brixton tube. Into its plush surroundings

what’s on will come DJ Zoe Urchin and guests cunningly blendingly together an eclectic romp through the alternative genre featuring indie (Arctics to White Stripes), emo, (My Chemical Romance to Panic at the Dsico), alternative rock ( System of a Down to Green Day), punk (Misfits to Blink 182) ,ska ( Specials to Less than jake)and alternative dance (Pendulum to Kanye). Drinks deals are Jack daniels and coke £2.50, house spirits and mixer £2.00 and 2 selected beers for £3. 10pm- 3am £3 before midnight, £5 after less for students/flyers/members. flyer to download at website www.wolfshead.co.uk Tongue and Groove, 50 Atlantic Road Brixton • Gay: Discotek Midweek gay music club with world class music. Two rooms of music every Thursday with 'The Phunked Up Disco' in the lounge and pumping house vibes in the main room. Resident DJs Femi B, Jeffrey Hinton, Luke Hope, Guy Williams, Paul Heron, Tom McMillan, plus international and UK guests. Weekly pre-party @ The Edge and Candy Bar (from 2100) The End, 18 West Central St London WC1A 1JJ. 020 7419 9199 www.endclub.com • Club: Rock Night South London’s biggest and best rock night. Live music every Thursday from 8-9.30. FREE before 10pm and most drinks are at happy hour prices till 9pm...what more do you want?! Bands are followed by DJ Tony X. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Dance: Salsa De Cuba with Leo & Co. Classes from 8pm followed by club salsa until 1am. The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632. • Dance: Simply Salsa Learn to dance salsa every Thursday. Beginners welcome. No partner required. Classes from 7.30pm, club til midnight. Admission £7.00 class and club, £3.00 club only. It’s fun and friendly, monthly Sunday’s also!! For further info. simplysalsa@ukonline.co.uk 07957 431216 or 07759 584591 The Treehouse, South End, Croydon • Dance: Clog Dancing Free taster sessions for newcomers to try

out some lively N.W. English clog team dances - wear trainers or similar footwear. Musicians with portable acoustic instruments always welcome too. PLEASE CALL BEFORE HEADING OUT, as some Thursdays this night is not on. 8.30 pm. FREE! Call 020 8654 5211/020 8657 4056 (eves.) for details United Reformed Church Hall, corner Enmore/Cobden Road, S. Norwood • Dance: Morris Dancing North Wood Morris Men are teaching Men's Morris to complete beginners on Thursday evenings at the Scout Hut in Purley Park Road at 8.15 pm and newcomers are welcome (first call 020 8668 1830) see www.northwoodmorris.org.uk • Dance: Soca / Calypso Beginners welcome and rum punch served! The Newton Arms, 175 Queens Road, Croydon, 020 8684 7654 • Dance: The South East London Lindy Hop Club Come and learn to dance Lindy Hop (Jitterbug) like they did in the 1940's. No partner required and Caron and Steve specialise in helping those with two left feet get together with those with two right. Doors open 7.30pm Beginners Class 7.45pm Intermediate Class 8.30pm Freestyle (practice) 9.15pm The Royston Club, 85 Royston Road Penge, London, SE20 7QW www.52ndstreetjump.co.uk • Karaoke: Arkwrights Wheel All together now... Arkwrights Wheel, 151 North End, CR0. 020 8649 8638. • Karaoke: Selhurst Arms Thursday night would appear to be karaoke night bleedin’ everywhere... From 8pm. Selhurst Arms, Selhurst Rd, SE25. • Quiz: Purley Arms Quiz-a-rama, every Thursday from 8.30pm, £1 in for cash prizes + other goodies. Purley Arms, 345 Brighton Road, South Croydon, 020 8686 3792 • Quiz: Cricketers General knowlegde quiz with £50 prize. The Cricketers, 47 Shirley Rd, CR0 7ER 020 8655 3507 • Music: Boulevard Live music while you eat. Boulevard, 7-8 Ruskin Parade, Selsdon Road, South Croydon. 020 8649 9990. 23

• Music: Open Mic Quiz Night at The Good Companions 8.00 p.m. ww.thegoodcompanions.com Limpsfield Road, South Croydon 0208 657 6655 • Quiz: The Valley - NEW! From 9.00pm Mike K’s general knowledge quiz The Valley, 76 Croydon Road, Caterham

Every Friday: • Market: Surrey Street London’s oldest continuously running market since 1276, with fruit and veg, bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food, all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydon www.surreystreetmarket.com • Photography: Camera Club Camera Club meeting in West Croydon every Friday night welcomes visitors and new members. Full programme of events including print/slide talks, portrait evenings, competitions, etc. Ample parking. Contact Colin on 020 8665 1678. Visit www.thorntonheathcameraclub.co.uk • Club: DJ Night - NEW Every Friday. Pistols, Brighton Road, Coulsdon • Club: Upstairs DJ's including Louis from Choice FM. Drink promotion from 9pm - 11pm with all house spirits £2. The only club in Croydon licensed until 3am. Entry £3 before 11pm and £5 after. Free entry to diners of the restaurant. Guest list and venue hire available, please contact 020 8688 9837 for details. www.treehousepeople.com Upstairs, above Treehouse restaurant 78 South End, CR0 020 8688 9837 • Music: DJ Party Night The Newton Arms, 175 Queens Road, Croydon, 020 8684 7654 • Karaoke: Karaoke Madness Singalong fun with Jerry Baker & Co in the bar from 9pm. The Norbury, The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632. • Club: Club Zone following on from Karaoke Madness is Club Zone @ The Edge Nightclub playing club & party classics with guest DJs, open til 3am. The Edge Nightclub, The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632.

what’s on • Club: Dj Steve Mapp in the main room Dj Mark B in Surfers All Drinks £1.50 5pm to 9pm Dress code: Smart casual. Walkabout, Crown Hill, Croydon • Disco: Twinkle-Toes Music from the 50s to present with DJ Twinkle-Toes. 5pm-close.. Old Derby, 44 Pitlake, CRO. 020 8688 5674. • Karaoke: Forestdale Arms Featherbed Lane, CR0. 020 8651 1260. • Karaoke: Swan & Sugarloaf Swan and Sugarloaf, 1 Brighton Rd, CR0. 020 8686 2562 • Karaoke: The Norbury From 9pm. The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632. • Music: Alma Tavern Live music. Alma Tavern, 129 Lwr Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8654 5842. • Music: Jolly Farmers Live music every Friday Jolly Farmers, 7 High Street, Purley (on Purley Cross) 020 8660 2076 • Singles: Swan & Sugarloaf Over 30 single’s night in the function room. Swan and Sugarloaf, 1 Brighton Rd, CR0. 020 8686 2562 • Music: Mama K’s Blues Bar Mama K's blues bar, run by local blues/rock musicians, open jam from 8 pm, full backline provided. Main band 10pm. Licensed bar. £2 entry. Ruskin House,Coombe Road, CRO. 020 8661 0183

Every Saturday: • Market: Surrey Street London’s oldest continuously running market since 1276, with fruit and veg, bits and pieces, meat and fish, hot food, all sorts. Monday - Saturday. Surrey Street, Croydon www.surreystreetmarket.com • Dance: Bollywood Groove & Bhangra Funky and energetic dance class. Beginners and improvers welcome. Come along and bring your friends. From 12.30pm – 1.30pm. £5 a class. Free parking available. Ground Floor, Dance & Drama Studio Archbishop Lanfranc, Croydon, Surrey, CR9 3AS. Tel: 020 8776 1717 or 07932 530 370 • Games: Pool Competition From 3pm. Old Derby, 44 Pitlake, CR0. 020 8688 5674.

• Games: Pool / Domino Tournaments in the afternoon - call for more details. The Newton Arms, 175 Queens Road, Croydon, 020 8684 7654 • Music: DJ Party Night The Newton Arms, 175 Queens Road, Croydon, 020 8684 7654 • Music: Jolly Farmers Live music every Saturday Jolly Farmers, 7 High Street, Purley (on Purley Cross) 020 8660 2076 • Disco: 70’s & 80’s. Swan and Sugarloaf, 1 Brighton Rd, CR0. 020 8686 2562 • Club: Saturday Night With Linton and Friends A plethora of musical carnage from the beast of butch and his followers… Dance floor fillers, cheese and sleaze. Open til stupid-o’clock in the morning. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: The Big Double Classic hits in the bar from 9pm followed by guest acts and DJs at The Edge, open til 3am. The Norbury & The Edge Nightclub. The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632 • Club: Dj Andy B in the main room & Dj Randy T in surfers All drinks £1.50 7pm to 9pm Dress code: Smart casual. Walkabout, Crown Hill, Croydon • Club: Upstairs See ‘Every Friday’ for full details. Upstairs, above Treehouse restaurant 78 South End, CR0, 020 8688 9837 • Music: Live Music - NEW Every Saturday. Pistols, Brighton Road, Coulsdon

Every Sunday: • Music: Open Mic Acoustic ‘ Open Mike’ night at The Jolly Farmers, Purley, every Sunday 8.45 p.m. Tel: 0208 6602076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk The Jolly Farmers, on ‘Purley Cross’, Purley • Quiz: Good Companions Quiz Night at The Good Companions 8.00 p.m. www.thegoodcompanions.com Limpsfield Road, South Croydon 0208 657 6655 24

• Music: Open Mic All welcome! The Newton Arms, 175 Queens Road, Croydon, 020 8684 7654 • Disco: Twinkle-Toes DJ Twinkle-Toes plays out your requests. 12pm-7pm. Old Derby, 44 Pitlake, CRO. 020 8688 5674. • Karaoke: Karaoke Madness With Jacko and Co + DJ in the bar til 1am. The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632 • Club: Disco Gold Until 1am. FREE! before 10pm. The Edge Nightclub. The Norbury Complex, 1300 London Road, Croydon. 020 8679 0632 • Club: Croydon Backgammon Club Sundays from 8PM. Ruskin House, Coombe Road, Croydon • Quiz: Forestdale Arms Weekly music quiz. Forestdale Arms, Featherbed Lane, CR0. 020 8651 1260 • Quiz: The Crown From 8.30pm The Crown, 28 Wickham Road, Shirley, 020 8662 7801 • Quiz: The Rail View Every Sunday from 8.30pm. The Rail View 188 Selsdon Rd, CR2 020 8688 2315 • Quiz: The Kenley Hotel From 9.00pm Mike K’s general knowledge quiz The Kenley Hotel, 68, Godstone Road, Kenley CR8 5AA • Music: Live New Orleans Jazz Every Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at The Lord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dance floor, raffle, great atmosphere at one of the longest running Jazz Pubs in Great Britain The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286

Got something going on? Let us know what’s on listings are FREE! e-mail: angela@deeplondon.co.uk call: 020 8680 3558 / 07910 506197

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on

Pick Of The Month • Comedy / Poetry: John Hegley John Hegley, the acclaimed master of poetry, comedy, songs and epic verse, returns to Croydon Clocktower on Friday 7 November for ‘an evening of poems, sung, drawn and sauntered, with a token hamster and fig roll fun’ – his words not ours! This is something special, a true joy to watch and something you really shouldn’t miss. Tickets: £12 (£9 concessions) Ticket Office: 020 8253 1030 Croydon Cloctower, Katharine Street Croydon, www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Music: 24 Hour Music-a-thon 8th-9th November 2008 24 hours of non-stop live music at the Jolly Farmers, with a drinks licence for all of it. A host of bands keep it rocking throughout. More details from

Saturday 01 November • Theatre: Hard Times Until November 16 adapted from Charles Dickens. With buckets of energy, original new music, mime, movement and puppetry, Icon Theatre bring Dickens' classic novel to life in a powerful new stage adaptation. PRICES & TIMES: Tuesday @ 6.30pm £10 (£8 concessions) Wednesday @ 8pm £10 (£8 concessions) Thursday @ 8pm £8 Friday @ 8pm £15 (£10 concessions) Saturday @ 8pm £15 Sunday @ 5pm £10 (£8 concessions) The Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, Croydon, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk • Club: DJ Rob Delta playing 60s + 70s soul, blues, rock, funk, jazz, latin, psychedelia, reggae & ska every 1st Saturday of the month. 8pm. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Music: Jinn House New to the JF - excellent rock band. 9.30pm - FREE! The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Event: Race Night Race Night run by Croydon Sea Cadets

www.purleymusicweek.com Jolly Farmers, Purley Cross, Purley • Event: Witchfest 8th November The largest witchcraft and wicca festibal in the world hits Croydon.Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Gay: Doctor Who Night Monday 10th November - in the Back Bar. An evening dedicated to both New and Classic Doctor Who showing different stories on the Big Screen TV. Starts 8pm.. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Comedy: Dylan Moran 13th November 2008 No further explanation necessary, surely?!

8pm. £17-19 Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Event: Ugly Bug Ball 21st November Fancy Dress party with DJs and Bands, drinks deals and special student offers. The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Event: Air Guitar Competition 28th November entry forms available from the bar; great prizes! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub

in aid of the Mayor of Croydon's Charity. Croydon FC, Croydon Sports Arena, Albert Road, South Norwood, SE25 4QL. 020 8654 8555. Buses 312, 197 and 130 take you there, along with a tram to Arena Tram Stop.

• Event: Autumn Ale Festival The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Gay: Halloween Masked Ball Prize for the scariest mask! The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road,

what’s on

Please mention Deep-London when visiting venues... Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Club: DJ Linton Dance bombs. Funk Rockets. Beatseeking missiles. Never outgunned. The biggest dancefloor monsters from DJ LINTON. Because it's war on the dancefloor. Doors 7pm.. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Dirty Disclosure Ed Kane, Local Heros, William & Du Bois plus more raise the dead for the hell of a fancy dress party. After the carnage 'return' Dirty Disclosure is about to create mayhem in Croydon with its huge halloween fancy dress party. Get prepared to be scared. We entertain like you have never been entertained before, with one "hell" of a fright night special. (Any fancy dress - doesn't need to be Halloween theme). We're raising the dead with a massive 16k sound sytem, the spookiest lighting and nine terrifying names playing the dirtiest house and electro about. DJs Ed Kane, Local Heroes, Williams & Du Bois, Jon-O, Kids Of Funk, George Turner, Gareth Wood Plus.. Face-painters Photographers Video crew Halloween giveaways Free local heroes CD New queue / smoking system to prevent queues Sheltered smoking area Admission 9pm until 3am Dress Code: No caps, tracksuits, or hooded tops. Jeans and trainers ok. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday The Gun Tavern, Crown Hill, Croydon • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday Portmanor, Portland Road, South Norwood, SE25 4UF

Sun 02 • Music: Live Jazz Live jazz every Sunday 12-3.30pm. FREE! www.jazznet.co.uk for details The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Live New Orleans Jazz Every Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at The Lord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dance

floor, raffle, great atmosphere at one of the longest running Jazz Pubs in Great Britain The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath. 020 8653 2286 • Music: Live Blues Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Theatre: Hard Times See Saturday 01 November. The Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, Croydon, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk • Event: Rock’n’Roll Dance Night Red Dress Productions, presents its third Rock N’ Roll night. This is a unique night bringing together the romance of vintage rock n’ roll together with the experience and professionalism of 52nd Street Jumps seasoned jive and swing dance teachers. A perfect opportunity for people to get dressed up, vintage outfits are actively encouraged, spats, swing skirts, quaffs, leather jackets and anything else your heart desires. The best outfit will be awarded a prize. After learning some jive steps participants will be able to put them into practice to a line up of vintage rock n’ roll and rockabilly tunes for the remainder of the night. Doors open at 7pm and all tickets are £4 on the door. If you arrive before 8.30pm you will get a FREE beginners dance class taught by the most highly respected and professional of Jive teachers from 52nd Street Jump dance club. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Event: Autumn Ale Festival The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Comedy: Comedy Club Every Sunday from 8pm. FREE! The Milan Bar, Grants Complex, 14-32 High Street, Croydon, 020 8603 0870 • Music: Open Mic Sundays Live music every Sunday The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Live Acoustic NEW! Live Acoustic Music every Sunday from 5.30pm - 7.00pm. for more info visit www.halfandhalf.uk.com 26

Half and Half Lounge Bar, 282 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NG 020 8726 0080 • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Music: Open Mic The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk

Mon 03 • Music: Singers and Musicians Night From 8pm. £2.50. Croydon Folk Club, Ruskin House, 23 Coombe Road, Croydon, 020 8660 5919 e mail:- croydonfolkclub@aol.com, www.croydonfolksongclub.org.uk Tickets from:- www.wegottickets.com • Music: The Big Beer Band Live big-band music. Every Monday from 9ish. FREE! The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Croydon Jazz Band Big band jazz - 1st Monday of every month Botley Hill Farmhouse, Limpsfield Road, Warlingham Surrey, CR6 9QH. Phone: 01959 577154 email: enquiries@botleyhillfarmhouse.co.uk • Event: Autumn Ale Festival The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Gay: The Big Fun Gay Quiz Night fun general knowledge quiz. Questions from all categories, games that everyone can enjoy. Start the week off with a bang! Starts 8pm. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Club: Monday Club half price drinks until 12pm, with music from The Katie and Alex Show. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Blue Mondays Free Pool all day or all night if you work locally in Croydon* Every Monday all of our members who work in Croydon, can

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... enjoy the pleasure of free pool all day & night, so long as you buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar. It's as simple as that! So if you feel the itch to play a frame, but not to feel it in your pocket, get down to Loop on Mondays! * How to claim your free pool on Mondays - Free pool if you work in Croydon and buy 2 drinks. If you work in Croydon and are a member of Loop Lounge, bring down a payslip or similar proof of where you work. Then buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar and you can play pool for all day or all evening at Loop Lounge. If you are not a member you can join up at reception free of charge if you bring some ID along. More about free membership.. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com

Tue 04 • Theatre: Hard Times See Saturday 01 November. The Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, Croydon, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk • Music: Freedom Of Expression with Jeremy Ayre, tbc + open mic. 8pm. FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Quiz: The Dog and Bull From 9pm-ish, a quiz, a game of play your cards right and a sing-song. Mental. 50p in including sarnies. See article, April issue. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Event: Autumn Ale Festival The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Dance: Morris Dancing Alternate Tuesdays from 8pm. FREE! The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Event: Anna’s Cocktail Night The Oval does kitsch! Great house cocktail menu complete with twiglets on the bar. Watch out for DJs and guest live music slots. Every 1st and 3rd Tuesday of the month. FREE entry. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Games: Poker Night Every Tuesday

Walkabout Croydon,12-18 Crown Hill Church street, Surrey, CR0 1RZ Tel: 0208 680 5559 www.myspace.com/walkaboutcroydon www.walkabout.eu.com • Club: Common People cheap drinks till 11pm with pure Indie and dancefloor tunes from The Spiv's. Doors 7pm, £1 entry. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Cocktail Tuesdays Every Tuesday night Loop gives our members and guests a opportunity to sample our new range of cocktails. If the cocktails get their seal of approval we gladly introduce them onto our existing cocktail list. Buy two cocktails for only £6, with this fabulous offer. Come on down every Tuesday and go cocktail crazy!. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Games: Pool Competition Downstairs. £30 bar tab to the winner The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Freedom Of Expression

Acts tbc. 8pm. FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub

Wed 05

• Event: Bonfire Night OOoooooOOOOooooooo! • Club: Gay Wednesday Croydon's Gay Alternative featuring cheese, sleaze and dancefloor smashes from DJ Linton. Doors 8pm, £2 after 9pm. Happy hour bar until 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. ww.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Dance: Salsa Lessons Every Wednesday from 8pm. £3. The Brief, George Street, Croydon • Theatre: Hard Times See Saturday 01 November. The Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, Croydon, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk • Quiz: The Edge Weekly quiz: gen knowledge / music / sport / missing link / mystery year. £50 bar tab to the winner. 8pm. £1 per person entry The Edge, 1 South End, Croydon • Music: Dragon’s Ball

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... with Thumpermonkey and more tbc. 8pm. FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Event: An Evening of Clairvoyance with Pauline Woodhatch. 8pm. £4 (£3 seniors) West Wickham Spiritualist Church Surrey Road, West Wickham, BR4 0JU • Dance: Dancercise Keep fit and meet new people at this fun and friendly beginners dance class. Come and join the fun every Wednesday. 7.30pm. £3.50. Central Court, Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Music: London Mozart Players 7.30pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Club: 2 Hours Free Pool Members-only offer. If you are a member of Loop Lounge and spend more than £8 on drinks at the bar you will receive two hours of pool for free. If you are not already a member, membership is free but must be applied for in advance. Admission Midday until midnight Free admission Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com

Thu 06 • Theatre: Hard Times See Saturday 01 November. The Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, Croydon, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk • Music: Live Blues Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Club: ALT X South London's biggest rock and metal night with DJ Tony X. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm www.blacksheepbar.com/thursday Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: The New Delta Big Band From Ellington to Herman, big band jazz

at its best! 8.15pm to 11pm. FREE! Every 1st and 3rd Thursday of the month. The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Quiz: JF Big Quiz From 8pm. The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Rd, Purley Surrey CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Quiz: Crown and Sceptre Fun general knowledge quiz. Every Thursday from 9pm. Crown and Sceptre, 32 Junction Road, South Croydon, 020 8688 8037 • Music: The Commitments 8pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Comedy: Rudi Lickwood 7.45pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Club: Keep It Moving Details tbc Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com

Fri 07 • Poetry: Poets Anonymous Poetry at the Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon, Surrey. Floor spots. From 8pm. £2 waged, £1 unwaged. Contact Peter for further details; peter@poetsanon.org.uk, 020 8645 9956 • Music: Boot-Led Zeppelin 40th Anniversary Show From 5pm. See advert, inside front cover, this issue. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Theatre: Hard Times See Saturday 01 November. The Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, Croydon, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk • Comedy: Croydon Comedy Club 9pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk 28

what’s on • Music: Stolen ID 9.30pm - FREE! The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Club: WTF! with DJ Zoe Urchin serving up the best Indie, Pop and Alternative all night long. Doors 7pm, free entry before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Delicious The best of Old Skool Garage with giveawys. Delicious brings to you a night of the best Old Skool Garage London has to offer. Expect a seductive blend of the sexiest people and the finest garage. With exclusive Delicious DJs and giveaways, this one's not to be missed! DJs DJ Flyer - Delicious Guest Ryan J - CR2 Records Admission 9pm until 3am Admission: £5 after 9pm Guestlist: Send names to deliciouspresents@hotmail.com Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Music: DJ BennyManyHats playing indie, ska and classics. The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: ROSEWEST E.P LAUNCH PARTY GIG FRANTIC PROMOTIONS PRESENTS ROSEWEST E.P LAUNCH PARTY GIG Rosewest/ Surrounded By Disgust/ Baghera/ As the Righteous Fall The Brief, 48 George Street, Croydon Friday 7th November, Entry £4, Doors 8pm www.myspace.com/franticpromotions • Comedy / Poetry: John Hegley John Hegley, the acclaimed master of poetry, comedy, songs and epic verse, returns to Croydon Clocktower on Friday 7 November for ‘an evening of poems, sung, drawn and sauntered, with a token hamster and fig roll fun’ – his words not ours! Widely known as one of the country's most innovative comic poets and with good reason - the man and his poetry are hilarious! He can turn his pen to any number of subjects from his beloved Luton Town Football Club to numerous surreal oddities such as invisible hamsters and quackerjacks.

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... John delivers his words with trademark straight face and a beautiful lyrical monotone drawl. This year’s show is one of his best; the poems and songs are fantastically funny and his delivery is stronger than ever. This is something special, a true joy to watch and something you really shouldn’t miss. Tickets: £12 (£9 concessions) Ticket Office: 020 8253 1030 Croydon Cloctower, Katharine Street Croydon, www.croydonclocktower.org.uk

Sat 08 • Poetry: Poets Anonymous Poetry in the Primary Room, United Reformed Church, Addiscombe Grove, Croydon, Surrey. 2.30-4.00pm. £1.50. Bring your poetry to read and share. Contact Peter for further details; peter@poetsanon.org.uk, 020 8645 9956 • Event: Witchfest The largest witchcraft and wicca festibal in the world hits Croydon. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Club: DJ Linton Dance bombs. Funk Rockets. Beatseeking missiles. Never outgunned. The biggest dancefloor monsters from DJ LINTON. Because it's war on the dancefloor. Doors 7pm.. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Elegant and Elite’s 1st Birthday Jesse James (Connected), Jon'o (Heavyweight House), and many more clebrate with a night of Ibiza Electro and Funky House. We invites you to join Elegant & Elite in celebration of their first birthday at the stunning Loop Lounge, Croydon. As usual the night is full of partying pleasure. It's been a good year that's seen events such as 'The Venetian Mask Ball' at the O2's Inc club, and the very sensual 'Moulin Rouge Model Party'. After moving around the club scene in and around London, Elegant & Elite decided to take it a step further and venture out into the midst of Croydon to get an insight into what it's all about. Join us on this special

night of Ibiza Electro and Funky House, and party into the early hours of the morning. DJs Jesse James (Connected) Jon'O (Heavyweight House) Jiggy B (Glamorous) Ryan Mac (Connected) Flee & Sonny Taylor (House Freaks) plus many more The night is being filmed for future events so look out for the cameras. We have our very own DSI Charlie Bucket on hand to take care of those unforgettable moments. A massive CD giveaway on the night of our latest volume. We expect this to be a complete sell out so please arrive early of order your advanced tickets now. Admission 9pm until 3am Advance tickets £8 (Please order now before they are sold out) On the door £8 before 11pm, £10 thereafter Dress code — Smart Casual, no effort no entry. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Theatre: Hard Times See Saturday 01 November. The Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, Croydon, 020 8680 4060

www.warehousetheatre.co.uk • Music: 24 Hour Music-a-thon 8th-9th November 2008 24 hours of non-stop live music at the Jolly Farmers, with a drinks licence for all of it. A host of bands keep it rocking throughout. More details from www.purleymusicweek.com Jolly Farmers, Purley Cross, Purley • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday The Gun Tavern, Crown Hill, Croydon • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday Portmanor, Portland Road, South Norwood, SE25 4UF

Sun 09 • Event: Remembrance Sunday 11am. • Music: 24 Hour Music-a-thon 8th-9th November 2008 24 hours of non-stop live music at the Jolly Farmers, with a drinks licence for all of it. A host of bands keep it rocking throughout. More details from www.purleymusicweek.com Jolly Farmers, Purley Cross, Purley • Music: Live Jazz

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... Live jazz every Sunday 12-3.30pm. FREE! www.jazznet.co.uk for details The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Theatre: Hard Times See Saturday 01 November. The Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, Croydon, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk • Music: Live Blues Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Music: Open Mic Sundays Live music every Sunday The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Live Acoustic Live Acoustic Music every Sunday from 5.30pm - 7.00pm for more info visit www.halfandhalf.uk.com Half and Half Lounge Bar, 282 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NG 020 8726 0080 • Comedy: Comedy Club Every Sunday from 8pm. FREE! The Milan Bar, Grants Complex, 14-32 High Street, Croydon, 020 8603 0870 • Music: Live New Orleans Jazz Every Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at The Lord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dance floor, raffle, great atmosphere at one of the longest running Jazz Pubs in Great Britain The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Club: Bangers South London's Bo-est Live Hip Hop & Open Mic Cypher. Hosted by Oliver Sudden feat DJs Al Mighty & Blue Movies on the record players and lots of rapping and breakdancing and drawing and stuff. Doors 7pm, £2 all night. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar

Mon 10 • Gay: Doctor Who Night - in the Back Bar. An evening dedicated to both New and Classic

Doctor Who showing different stories on the Big Screen TV. Starts 8pm.. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Music: The Big Beer Band Live big-band music. Every Monday from 9ish. FREE! The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Croydon Folk and Blues Club Every Monday From 8pm. Croydon Folk Club, Ruskin House, 23 Coombe Road, Croydon, 020 8660 5919 e mail:- croydonfolkclub@aol.com, www.croydonfolksongclub.org.uk Tickets from:- www.wegottickets.com • Club: Monday Club half price drinks until 12pm, with music from The Katie and Alex Show. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Blue Mondays Free Pool all day or all night if you work locally in Croydon* Every Monday all of our members who work in Croydon, can enjoy the pleasure of free pool all day & night, so long as you buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar. It's as simple as that! So if you feel the itch to play a frame, but not to feel it in your pocket, get down to Loop on Mondays! * How to claim your free pool on Mondays - Free pool if you work in Croydon and buy 2 drinks. If you work in Croydon and are a member of Loop Lounge, bring down a payslip or similar proof of where you work. Then buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar and you can play pool for all day or all evening at Loop Lounge. If you are not a member you can join up at reception free of charge if you bring some ID along. More about free membership.. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com

Tue 11 • Event: Remembrance Day 11am. • Theatre: Hard Times See Saturday 01 November. The Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, Croydon, 020 8680 4060 30

www.warehousetheatre.co.uk • Music: Four Poofs and a Piano From Friday Night with Jonathan Ross. We’re saying nothing... 1.05pm and 7.45pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Quiz: The Dog and Bull From 9pm-ish, a quiz, a game of play your cards right and a sing-song. Mental. 50p in including sarnies. See article, April issue. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Games: Poker Night Every Tuesday Walkabout Croydon,12-18 Crown Hill Church street, Surrey, CR0 1RZ Tel: 0208 680 5559 www.myspace.com/walkaboutcroydon www.walkabout.eu.com • Club: Common People cheap drinks till 11pm with pure Indie and dancefloor tunes from The Spiv's. Doors 7pm, £1 entry. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Cocktail Tuesdays Every Tuesday night Loop gives our members and guests a opportunity to sample our new range of cocktails. If the cocktails get their seal of approval we gladly introduce them onto our existing cocktail list. Buy two cocktails for only £6, with this fabulous offer. Come on down every Tuesday and go cocktail crazy!. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Music: Freedom Of Expression Acts tbc. 8pm. FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub

Wed 12 • Theatre: Hard Times See Saturday 01 November. The Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, Croydon, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk • Dance: Dancercise Keep fit and meet new people at this fun and friendly beginners dance class. Come and join the fun every Wednesday. 7.30pm. £3.50.

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... Central Court, Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Quiz: The Edge Weekly quiz: gen knowledge / music / sport / missing link / mystery year. £50 bar tab to the winner. 8pm. £1 per person entry The Edge, 1 South End, Croydon • Dance: Salsa Lessons Every Wednesday from 8pm. £3. The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Jared Osmond with Blackheart & guest star Nathan Osmond 8pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Club: Gay Wednesday Croydon's Gay Alternative featuring cheese, sleaze and dancefloor smashes from DJ Linton. Doors 8pm, £2 after 9pm. Happy hour bar until 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: 2 Hours Free Pool Members-only offer. If you are a member of Loop Lounge and spend more than £8 on drinks at the bar you will receive two hours of pool for free. If you are not already a member, membership is free but must be applied for in advance. Admission Midday until midnight Free admission Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Event: Have Box Will Travel The autobiographical one-man show from dynamic poet, musician and DJ Charlie Dark. This unique rites of passage story transports the audience from a tiny bedroom in South London, to the world of the DJ, in 80 beats and back again. With witty, sharp and frequently moving dialogue, Charlie Dark chronicles his life and times from the emergence of hip-hop culture to the onset of fatherhood. Focusing on his musical inspirations and growing up under the watchful (and ambitious) eye of his Ghanaian mother, Dark delivers his story straight from the heart, recalling the ups and downs of a life in music, vivid club anecdotes and the competitive dance floors where only the most skilled survive. Charlie Dark is a

London-based poet, writer, musician and DJ. He was one third of the ground breaking trio Attica Blues and has toured extensively around the globe as a DJ and with the band. As well as DJ appearances including a current residency at London’s Cargo and festivals such as The Big Chill, Charlie makes regular appearances on the literature and spoken word circuit. He is an experienced tutor and workshop facilitator and was also poet coach for

what’s on the London Teenage Poetry SLAM for three consecutive years. UK Hip-Hop theatre pioneer, Benji Reid is a creative producer, devisor and director. Artistic Director of Breaking Cycles, Benji has been creating Physical and Hip-Hop theatre for over ten years. 7.30pm Tickets: £10 (£7.50 concessions, £5 for 14 to 19 year olds) Ticket Office: 020 8253 1030 ticketoffice@croydon.gov.uk Croydon Clocktower, Kataharine Street,

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... Croydon www.croydonclocktower.org.uk

Thu 13 • Comedy: Dylan Moran No further explanation necessary, surely?! 8pm. £17-19 Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Theatre: Hard Times See Saturday 01 November. The Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, Croydon, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk • Music: Live Blues Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Club: ALT X South London's biggest rock and metal night with DJ Tony X. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm www.blacksheepbar.com/thursday Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Quiz: JF Big Quiz From 8pm. The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Rd, Purley Surrey CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Quiz: Crown and Sceptre Fun general knowledge quiz. Every Thursday from 9pm. Crown and Sceptre, 32 Junction Road, South Croydon, 020 8688 8037 • Music: The Brian Hetherington Jazz Band Listen or jive to the authentic rythyms of New Orleans. 8.30pm-11pm. FREE! Every 2nd and 4th Thursday of the month. The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Music: Blues and Acoustic Open Mic Night From 8.30pm. Every 2nd and 4th Tuesday of the month. FREE entry. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern

• Club: Keep It Moving Details tbc Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com

Fri 14 • Theatre: Hard Times See Saturday 01 November. The Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, Croydon, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk • Music: Andy Abraham of X-Factor fame. 8pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Music: Rik Martin Band 9.30pm - FREE! The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Club: WTF! with DJ Zoe Urchin serving up the best Indie, Pop and Alternative all night long. Doors 7pm, free entry before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Funkin Fridays DJ Alton Bad hosts a mix of the best party anthems, funky house, old skool garage, '80s groove to the present plus a sprinkling of the hits of today. The essential place to be in Croydon on a Friday evening has to be Loop Lounge with this hugely popular night. The music is essentially eclectic, commercial R'n'B, House, 80s groove and dance floor fillers. So come on down and release the week's tribulations and experience the best Friday night in Croydon. Expect a fantastic crowd of mature and sophisticated regulars packing out the joint from 5pm, together with our very own DJ Alton Bad. Andy plays the platters that matter from 5pm onwards. Loop introduces the incredible new Credit Crunch Happy Hours from 5pm through to 2am. Admission 5pm until 3am Admission: £5 after 9pm Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Music: DJ BennyManyHats playing indie, ska and classics. The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub 32

Sat 15 • Theatre: Hard Times See Saturday 01 November. The Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, Croydon, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk • Music: Jane McDonald 8pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Music: BrightWhite 9.30pm - FREE! The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Club: DJ Linton Dance bombs. Funk Rockets. Beatseeking missiles. Never outgunned. The biggest dancefloor monsters from DJ LINTON. Because it's war on the dancefloor. Doors 7pm.. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Class of 99 JSharon Woolf with a live PA plus DJ Oaki, DJ Roy C and Andy G with old skool garage and club classics. Live PA Sharon Woolf - The Voice Of Shanks & Bigfoot performing ‘Sweet Like Chocolate’ and the voice of Doolally performing ‘Straight From The Heart’ DJs DJ Oaki DJ Roy C Andy G Admission 8pm until 3am ID required Limited advance tickets £10 Dress code — This is a plush shoe-only affair so be sure to make the effort to impress our dancers and photographers on the night. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday The Gun Tavern, Crown Hill, Croydon • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday Portmanor, Portland Road, South Norwood, SE25 4UF • Football: Croydon FC v Mile Oak Second Round of the FA Vase. KO 3PM, Adults £6, concessions £3. Come and support the Trams as they aim to progress in this national Cup competition. Also, have a drink or two after (and/or before) the game in the

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... Blue Bar! Croydon FC, Croydon Sports Arena, Albert Road, London SE25 4QL. 020 8654 8555 Nearest tram stop Arena or a 312, 197 or 130 bus ride away. http://www.croydon-fc.co.uk/

Sun 16 • Music: Live New Orleans Jazz Every Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at The Lord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dance floor, raffle, great atmosphere at one of the longest running Jazz Pubs in Great Britain The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Theatre: Hard Times See Saturday 01 November. The Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, Croydon, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk • Music: Live Blues Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Music: Open Mic Sundays Live music every Sunday The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Live Acoustic Live Acoustic Music every Sunday from 5.30pm - 7.00pm for more info visit www.halfandhalf.uk.com Half and Half Lounge Bar, 282 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NG 020 8726 0080 • Comedy: Comedy Club Every Sunday from 8pm. FREE! The Milan Bar, Grants Complex, 14-32 High Street, Croydon, 020 8603 0870 • Music: Open Mic FREE! The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Music: Live Jazz Live jazz every Sunday 12-3.30pm. FREE! www.jazznet.co.uk for details The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Club: Bassick Deep, heavy Dubstep in Croydon,

featuring Hatcha, Youngsta, Matt Green, D-Formed, Shiverz & Pistonsbeneath. 8pm – 2am, £4 before 10pm, £6 after. Members only: bring ID. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: I Love Sundaes Further details tbc. Please visit the website. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com

Mon 17 • Gay: Games Night Games in the Back Bar including Free Pool, Free Air Hockey, Giant Connect 4, Giant Jenga and board games. Starts 8pm. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Theatre: Hard Times See Saturday 01 November. The Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, Croydon, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk • Music: The Big Beer Band Live big-band music. Every Monday from 9ish. FREE! The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Croydon Folk and Blues Club Every Monday From 8pm. Croydon Folk Club, Ruskin House, 23 Coombe Road, Croydon, 020 8660 5919 e mail:- croydonfolkclub@aol.com, www.croydonfolksongclub.org.uk Tickets from:- www.wegottickets.com • Club: Monday Club half price drinks until 12pm, with music from The Katie and Alex Show. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Blue Mondays Free Pool all day or all night if you work locally in Croydon* Every Monday all of our members who work in Croydon, can enjoy the pleasure of free pool all day & night, so long as you buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar. It's as simple as that! So if you feel the itch to play a frame, but not to feel it in your pocket, 33

get down to Loop on Mondays! * How to claim your free pool on Mondays - Free pool if you work in Croydon and buy 2 drinks. If you work in Croydon and are a member of Loop Lounge, bring down a payslip or similar proof of where you work. Then buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar and you can play pool for all day or all evening at Loop Lounge. If you are not a member you can join up at reception free of charge if you bring some ID along. More about free membership.. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com

Tue 18 • Theatre: Hard Times See Saturday 01 November. The Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, Croydon, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk • Event: Anna’s Cocktail Night The Oval does kitsch! Great house cocktail menu complete with twiglets on the bar. Watch out for DJs and guest live music slots. Every 1st and 3rd Tuesday of the month. FREE entry. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Quiz: The Dog and Bull From 9pm-ish, a quiz, a game of play your cards right and a sing-song. Mental. 50p in including sarnies. See article, April issue. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Games: Poker Night Every Tuesday Walkabout Croydon,12-18 Crown Hill Church street, Surrey, CR0 1RZ Tel: 0208 680 5559 www.myspace.com/walkaboutcroydon www.walkabout.eu.com • Dance: Morris Dancing Alternate Tuesdays from 8pm. FREE! The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Club: Common People cheap drinks till 11pm with pure Indie and dancefloor tunes from The Spiv's. Doors 7pm, £1 entry. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Cocktail Tuesdays Every Tuesday night Loop gives our

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... members and guests a opportunity to sample our new range of cocktails. If the cocktails get their seal of approval we gladly introduce them onto our existing cocktail list. Buy two cocktails for only £6, with this fabulous offer. Come on down every Tuesday and go cocktail crazy!. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Music: Freedom Of Expression Acts tbc. 8pm. FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub

Wed 19 • Theatre: Hard Times See Saturday 01 November. The Warehouse Theatre, Dingwall Road, Croydon, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk • Dance: Dancercise Keep fit and meet new people at this fun and friendly beginners dance class. Come and join the fun every Wednesday. 7.30pm. £3.50. Central Court, Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Quiz: The Edge Weekly quiz: gen knowledge / music / sport / missing link / mystery year. £50 bar tab to the winner. 8pm. £1 per person entry The Edge, 1 South End, Croydon • Dance: Salsa Lessons Every Wednesday from 8pm. £3. The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Foster and Allen 8pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Music: Brendan Shine 7.45pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Club: Gay Wednesday Croydon's Gay Alternative featuring cheese, sleaze and dancefloor smashes from DJ Linton. Doors 8pm, £2 after 9pm. Happy hour bar until 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar

• Club: 2 Hours Free Pool Members-only offer. If you are a member of Loop Lounge and spend more than £8 on drinks at the bar you will receive two hours of pool for free. If you are not already a member, membership is free but must be applied for in advance. Admission Midday until midnight Free admission Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com

Thu 20 • Theatre: Shakespeare for Kidz presents Romeo and Juliet 1.30pm and 7.30pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Music: Live Blues Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Club: ALT X South London's biggest rock and metal night with DJ Tony X. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm www.blacksheepbar.com/thursday Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: The New Delta Big Band From Ellington to Herman, big band jazz at its best! 8.15pm to 11pm. FREE! Every 1st and 3rd Thursday of the month. The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Quiz: JF Big Quiz From 8pm. The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Rd, Purley Surrey CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Quiz: Crown and Sceptre Fun general knowledge quiz. Every Thursday from 9pm. Crown and Sceptre, 32 Junction Road, South Croydon, 020 8688 8037 • Club: Keep It Moving Details tbc Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com 34

Fri 21 • Event: Ugly Bug Ball Fancy Dress party with DJs and Bands, drinks deals and special student offers. The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Theatre: Shakespeare for Kidz presents Romeo and Juliet 10am and 1.30pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Comedy: Croydon Comedy Club 9pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Music: Original Blue 9.30pm - FREE! The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Club: WTF! with DJ Zoe Urchin serving up the best Indie, Pop and Alternative all night long. Doors 7pm, free entry before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Funkin Fridays DJ Alton Bad hosts a mix of the best party anthems, funky house, old skool garage, '80s groove to the present plus a sprinkling of the hits of today. The essential place to be in Croydon on a Friday evening has to be Loop Lounge with this hugely popular night. The music is essentially eclectic, commercial R'n'B, House, 80s groove and dance floor fillers. So come on down and release the week's tribulations and experience the best Friday night in Croydon. Expect a fantastic crowd of mature and sophisticated regulars packing out the joint from 5pm, together with our very own DJ Alton Bad. Andy plays the platters that matter from 5pm onwards. Loop introduces the incredible new Credit Crunch Happy Hours from 5pm through to 2am. Admission 5pm until 3am Admission: £5 after 9pm Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Music: DJ BennyManyHats playing indie, ska and classics. The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: The Muscats The Muscats are the new band from the song writers of The Tonic. 9pm The Watershed, Wimbledon • Music: The Jim Jones Revue + Les Gars + Rook and the Ravens rock n roll/blues/garage; 8pm; £5 The Windmill, Brixton www.windmillbrixton.co.uk

Sat 22 • Event: Christmas Bazaar bric a brac, local interest books, tombola and more plus refreshments available 50p entry - starts at 11am West Wickham Spiritualist Church Surrey Road, West Wickham, BR4 0JU • Music: BBC Concert Orchestra 7.30pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Music: Rob Cushman 9.30pm - FREE! The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Club: DJ Linton Dance bombs. Funk Rockets. Beatseeking missiles. Never outgunned. The biggest dancefloor monsters from DJ LINTON. Because it's war on the dancefloor. Doors 7pm.. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Project House The sexiest funky and commercial house. A night of the sexiest funky and commercial house. Resident DJs join forces with local talent to bring you sensual beats and keep you moving until the early hours of Sunday. DJs James Murray — Resident George Turner — Resident Special Edition — Ambition Radio Tony Bee — Honeydip’d Alton Bad — Laylow Fm Admission 8pm until 3am On the door: £5 / Ladies free before midnight Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday The Gun Tavern, Crown Hill, Croydon

• Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday Portmanor, Portland Road, South Norwood, SE25 4UF • Football: Croydon FC v Hythe Town Kent Premier League, KO 3PM, Adults £6, concessions £3 Also, have a drink or two after (and/or before) the game in the Blue Bar! Croydon FC, Croydon Sports Arena, Albert Road, London SE25 4QL. 020 8654 8555 Nearest tram stop Arena or a 312, 197 or 130 bus ride away. http://www.croydon-fc.co.uk/ • Music: Blakfish + Tubelord + Colour + many many more indie. 6pm. £5 The Windmill, Brixton www.windmillbrixton.co.uk

Sun 23 • Music: Live New Orleans Jazz Every Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at The Lord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dance floor, raffle, great atmosphere at one of the longest running Jazz Pubs in Great Britain The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Music: Live Jazz Live jazz every Sunday 12-3.30pm. FREE! www.jazznet.co.uk for details The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Live Blues Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Music: Open Mic Sundays Live music every Sunday The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Live Acoustic Live Acoustic Music every Sunday from 5.30pm - 7.00pm for more info visit www.halfandhalf.uk.com Half and Half Lounge Bar, 282 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NG 020 8726 0080 • Comedy: Comedy Club Every Sunday from 8pm. FREE! 35

The Milan Bar, Grants Complex, 14-32 High Street, Croydon, 020 8603 0870 • Music: Open Mic FREE! The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Music: Showtime at the Sheep The best in local and national live bands. TBC… Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: I Love Sundaes Further details tbc. Please visit the website. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Music: The Network + Take A Worm For A Walk Week + Tortuga + No Dice + Hang The Bastard Loud! 6pm. £5 The Windmill, Brixton www.windmillbrixton.co.uk

Mon 24 • Gay: Gay Cinema Night Showing on the Big Screen TV in the Back Bar with free popcorn and goodies. Starts 8pm.. The Bird In Hand, 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, CR0 2EL. 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net • Music: The Big Beer Band Live big-band music. Every Monday from 9ish. FREE! The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Croydon Folk and Blues Club Every Monday From 8pm. Croydon Folk Club, Ruskin House, 23 Coombe Road, Croydon, 020 8660 5919 e mail:- croydonfolkclub@aol.com, www.croydonfolksongclub.org.uk Tickets from:- www.wegottickets.com • Club: Monday Club half price drinks until 12pm, with music from The Katie and Alex Show. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Blue Mondays Free Pool all day or all night if you work

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... locally in Croydon* Every Monday all of our members who work in Croydon, can enjoy the pleasure of free pool all day & night, so long as you buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar. It's as simple as that! So if you feel the itch to play a frame, but not to feel it in your pocket, get down to Loop on Mondays! * How to claim your free pool on Mondays - Free pool if you work in Croydon and buy 2 drinks. If you work in Croydon and are a member of Loop Lounge, bring down a payslip or similar proof of where you work. Then buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar and you can play pool for all day or all evening at Loop Lounge. If you are not a member you can join up at reception free of charge if you bring some ID along. More about free membership.. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com

Tue 25 • Theatre: Croydon Stagers present ‘Anything Goes’ 7.30pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Quiz: The Dog and Bull From 9pm-ish, a quiz, a game of play your cards right and a sing-song. Mental. 50p in including sarnies. See article, April issue. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Games: Poker Night Every Tuesday Walkabout Croydon,12-18 Crown Hill Church street, Surrey, CR0 1RZ Tel: 0208 680 5559 www.myspace.com/walkaboutcroydon www.walkabout.eu.com • Club: Common People cheap drinks till 11pm with pure Indie and dancefloor tunes from The Spiv's. Doors 7pm, £1 entry. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Cocktail Tuesdays Every Tuesday night Loop gives our members and guests a opportunity to sample our new range of cocktails. If the cocktails get their seal of approval we gladly introduce them onto our existing cocktail list. Buy two cocktails for only

£6, with this fabulous offer. Come on down every Tuesday and go cocktail crazy!. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Music: Freedom Of Expression Acts tbc. 8pm. FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Smoke Or Fire + Fake Problems + You Me & The Atom Bomb + The Arteries Punk/hardcore! 8pm. £5 The Windmill, Brixton www.windmillbrixton.co.uk

Wed 26 • Dance: Dancercise Keep fit and meet new people at this fun and friendly beginners dance class. Come and join the fun every Wednesday. 7.30pm. £3.50. Central Court, Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Quiz: The Edge Weekly quiz: gen knowledge / music / sport / missing link / mystery year. £50 bar tab to the winner. 8pm. £1 per person entry The Edge, 1 South End, Croydon • Dance: Salsa Lessons Every Wednesday from 8pm. £3. The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Paranormal: Sally Morgan TV psychic. 8pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Theatre: Croydon Stagers present ‘Anything Goes’ 7.30pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Club: Gay Wednesday Croydon's Gay Alternative featuring cheese, sleaze and dancefloor smashes from DJ Linton. Doors 8pm, £2 after 9pm. Happy hour bar until 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: 2 Hours Free Pool Members-only offer. If you are a member of Loop Lounge and spend 36

more than £8 on drinks at the bar you will receive two hours of pool for free. If you are not already a member, membership is free but must be applied for in advance. Admission Midday until midnight Free admission Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Event: Belgian Beer Tasting 7.30-pm-9.30pm - for more info visit www.halfandhalf.uk.com Half and Half Lounge Bar, 282 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NG 020 8726 0080

Thu 27 • Music: Live Blues Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Quiz: JF Big Quiz From 8pm. The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Rd, Purley Surrey CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Quiz: Crown and Sceptre Fun general knowledge quiz. Every Thursday from 9pm. Crown and Sceptre, 32 Junction Road, South Croydon, 020 8688 8037 • Theatre: Croydon Stagers present ‘Anything Goes’ 3pm and 7.30pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Music: The Brian Hetherington Jazz Band Listen or jive to the authentic rythyms of New Orleans. 8.30pm-11pm. FREE! Every 2nd and 4th Thursday of the month. The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Music: Blues and Acoustic Open Mic Night From 8.30pm. Every 2nd and 4th Tuesday of the month. FREE entry. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Club: ALT X South London's biggest rock and metal

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... night with DJ Tony X. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm www.blacksheepbar.com/thursday Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Keep It Moving Details tbc Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com

Fri 28 • Event: Air Guitar Competition entry forms available from the bar; great prizes! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Theatre: Croydon Stagers present ‘Anything Goes’ 7.30pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Music: Dave Raphael 9.30pm - FREE! The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Club: WTF! with DJ Zoe Urchin serving up the best Indie, Pop and Alternative all night long. Doors 7pm, free entry before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Funkin Fridays DJ Alton Bad hosts a mix of the best party anthems, funky house, old skool garage, '80s groove to the present plus a sprinkling of the hits of today. The essential place to be in Croydon on a Friday evening has to be Loop Lounge with this hugely popular night. The music is essentially eclectic, commercial R'n'B, House, 80s groove and dance floor fillers. So come on down and release the week's tribulations and experience the best Friday night in Croydon. Expect a fantastic crowd of mature and sophisticated regulars packing out the joint from 5pm, together with our very own DJ Alton Bad. Andy plays the platters that matter from 5pm onwards. Loop introduces the incredible new Credit Crunch Happy Hours from 5pm through to 2am.

Admission 5pm until 3am Admission: £5 after 9pm Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Music: DJ BennyManyHats playing indie, ska and classics. The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub

Sat 29 • Theatre: Croydon Stagers present ‘Anything Goes’ 3pm and 7.30pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Music: Rock The Boat 9.30pm - FREE! The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Club: DJ Linton Dance bombs. Funk Rockets. Beatseeking missiles. Never outgunned. The biggest dancefloor monsters from DJ LINTON. Because it's war on the dancefloor. Doors 7pm.. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Gifted Kiss FM DJ Simon Dale takes over the decks plus a LIVE PA from vocalist Kasia After taking over Ministry of Sound with Pete Tong's Wonderland, Loop Lounge's sexiest club night returns with another stomping night of uplifting house and electro. Following the success of the last event held at Loop Lounge, Kiss FM DJ Simon Dale takes over the decks. Plus we've got a Live PA from vocalist Kasia performing her summer smash hits "Over You" and "Mr Delerious". Full line-up Simon Dale (Kiss Fm) Kasia (Live PA to perform "Over You" and "Mr Delerious".) Jesse James (Connected) James Murray (Gifted) Mikeyo Scott Hayhoe Admission 8pm until 3am Advance tickets: £6. Limited guest list: £7 For advanced tickets contact James Murray on 07870 879 983 or visit Loop Lounge Guest list: Contact James Murray. Email names to guestlist@giftedpromotions.com or text names to 07870 879 983. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 37

020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday The Gun Tavern, Crown Hill, Croydon • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday Portmanor, Portland Road, South Norwood, SE25 4UF • Music: BREEZ FRANTIC PROMOTIONS PRESENTS BREEZ With Support from Alistair Mackenzie The Brief, 48 George Street, Croydon Saturday 29th November, Entry £6, Doors 8pm Tickets also available from www.ticketweb.co.uk www.myspace.com/franticpromotions • Music: The XX, Bleeding Heart Narrative, Death of Concord + Kwes + many more Alternative 8pm. £5 The Windmill, Brixton www.windmillbrixton.co.uk

Sun 30 • Music: Live New Orleans Jazz Every Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at The Lord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dance floor, raffle, great atmosphere at one of the longest running Jazz Pubs in Great Britain The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Music: Live Jazz Live jazz every Sunday 12-3.30pm. FREE! www.jazznet.co.uk for details The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Music: Live Blues Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Music: Open Mic Sundays Live music every Sunday The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Live Acoustic Live Acoustic Music every Sunday from 5.30pm - 7.00pm for more info visit www.halfandhalf.uk.com Half and Half Lounge Bar,

what’s on

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... 282 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NG 020 8726 0080 • Comedy: Comedy Club Every Sunday from 8pm. FREE! The Milan Bar, Grants Complex, 14-32 High Street, Croydon, 020 8603 0870 • Event: Bollywood Dance Divas 7.30pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Music: Sunday Sessions live bands. TBC… Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: I Love Sundaes Further details tbc. Please visit the website. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com

Monday 01 December • Music: The Big Beer Band Live big-band music. Every Monday from 9ish. FREE! The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Croydon Jazz Band Big band jazz - 1st Monday of every month Botley Hill Farmhouse, Limpsfield Road, Warlingham Surrey, CR6 9QH. Phone: 01959 577154 email: enquiries@botleyhillfarmhouse.co.uk • Music: Croydon Folk and Blues Club Every Monday From 8pm. Croydon Folk Club, Ruskin House, 23 Coombe Road, Croydon, 020 8660 5919 e mail:- croydonfolkclub@aol.com, www.croydonfolksongclub.org.uk Tickets from:- www.wegottickets.com • Club: Monday Club half price drinks until 12pm, with music from The Katie and Alex Show. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Blue Mondays Free Pool all day or all night if you work locally in Croydon* Every Monday all of our members who work in Croydon, can enjoy the pleasure of free pool all day &

night, so long as you buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar. It's as simple as that! So if you feel the itch to play a frame, but not to feel it in your pocket, get down to Loop on Mondays! * How to claim your free pool on Mondays - Free pool if you work in Croydon and buy 2 drinks. If you work in Croydon and are a member of Loop Lounge, bring down a payslip or similar proof of where you work. Then buy a minimum of two drinks from the bar and you can play pool for all day or all evening at Loop Lounge. If you are not a member you can join up at reception free of charge if you bring some ID along. More about free membership.. Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com

Tue 02 • Quiz: The Dog and Bull From 9pm-ish, a quiz, a game of play your cards right and a sing-song. Mental. 50p in including sarnies. See article, April issue. The Dog and Bull, Surrey Street, Croydon • Event: Anna’s Cocktail Night The Oval does kitsch! Great house cocktail menu complete with twiglets on the bar. Watch out for DJs and guest live music slots. Every 1st and 3rd Tuesday of the month. FREE entry. The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Games: Poker Night Every Tuesday Walkabout Croydon,12-18 Crown Hill Church street, Surrey, CR0 1RZ Tel: 0208 680 5559 www.myspace.com/walkaboutcroydon www.walkabout.eu.com • Club: Common People cheap drinks till 11pm with pure Indie and dancefloor tunes from The Spiv's. Doors 7pm, £1 entry. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: Cocktail Tuesdays Every Tuesday night Loop gives our members and guests a opportunity to sample our new range of cocktails. If the cocktails get their seal of approval we gladly introduce them onto our existing cocktail list. Buy two cocktails for only 38

Wed 03 • Dance: Dancercise Keep fit and meet new people at this fun and friendly beginners dance class. Come and join the fun every Wednesday. 7.30pm. £3.50. Central Court, Croydon Clocktower, Katharine Street, Croydon www.croydonclocktower.org.uk • Quiz: The Edge Weekly quiz: gen knowledge / music / sport / missing link / mystery year. £50 bar tab to the winner. 8pm. £1 per person entry The Edge, 1 South End, Croydon • Music: Dragon’s Ball Acts tbc. 8pm. FREE! The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Dance: Salsa Lessons Every Wednesday from 8pm. £3. The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: London Mozart Players 7.30pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Club: Gay Wednesday Croydon's Gay Alternative featuring cheese, sleaze and dancefloor smashes from DJ Linton. Doors 8pm, £2 after 9pm. Happy hour bar until 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Club: 2 Hours Free Pool Members-only offer. If you are a member of Loop Lounge and spend more than £8 on drinks at the bar you will receive two hours of pool for free. If you are not already a member, membership is free but must be applied for in advance. Admission Midday until midnight Free admission Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ

Don’t forget to check out the weekly what’s on... 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com

Thu 04 • Music: Live Blues Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Club: ALT X South London's biggest rock and metal night with DJ Tony X. Doors 7pm, free before 10pm www.blacksheepbar.com/thursday Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: The New Delta Big Band From Ellington to Herman, big band jazz at its best! 8.15pm to 11pm. FREE! Every 1st and 3rd Thursday of the month. The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Quiz: JF Big Quiz From 8pm. The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Rd, Purley Surrey CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Quiz: Crown and Sceptre Fun general knowledge quiz. Every Thursday from 9pm. Crown and Sceptre, 32 Junction Road, South Croydon, 020 8688 8037 • Club: Keep It Moving Details tbc Loop, 12 Crown Hill, Croydon, CR0 1RZ 020 8760 7000. www.looppoolbar.com

Fri 05 • Music: U2 Multimedia Tribute 8pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Comedy: Croydon Comedy Club 8.30pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Music: The Monikers 9.30pm - FREE! The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road,

Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Club: WTF! with DJ Zoe Urchin serving up the best Indie, Pop and Alternative all night long. Doors 7pm, free entry before 10pm. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: DJ BennyManyHats playing indie, ska and classics. The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub

Sat 06 • Club: DJ Rob Delta playing a gargantuan mix of 60s + 70s soul, blues, rock, funk, jazz, latin, psychedelia, reggae & ska every 1st Saturday of the month. 8pm. FREE! The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Panto: Peter Pan Starring BRIAN BLESSED! 2pm and 7.30pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Music: The Jugglers 9.30pm - FREE! The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk • Club: DJ Linton Dance bombs. Funk Rockets. Beatseeking missiles. Never outgunned. The biggest dancefloor monsters from DJ LINTON. Because it's war on the dancefloor. Doors 7pm.. Black Sheep Bar, 68 High St, CR0. 020 8680 2233. www.blacksheepbar.com www.myspace.com/blacksheepbar • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday The Gun Tavern, Crown Hill, Croydon • Music: Live Rock Bands Every Saturday Portmanor, Portland Road, South Norwood, SE25 4UF

Sun 07 • Music: Live Blues Bands start 5pm-ish Sundays and 8pm-ish Thursdays. FREE! 39

what’s on The Oval Tavern, 131 Oval Road, East Croydon, CR0 1BR, 020 8686 6023 www.myspace.com/ovaltavern • Music: Live Jazz Live jazz every Sunday 12-3.30pm. FREE! www.jazznet.co.uk for details The Green Dragon, 58-60 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NA www.myspace.com/greendragonpub • Quiz: Two Brewers Fun general knowledge quiz. From 9pm. Two Brewers, 221 Gloucester Road, Croydon, 020 8684 3544 • Music: Open Mic Sundays Live music every Sunday The Brief, George Street, Croydon www.myspace.com/thebriefcroydon • Music: Live Acoustic Live Acoustic Music every Sunday from 5.30pm - 7.00pm for more info visit www.halfandhalf.uk.com Half and Half Lounge Bar, 282 High Street, Croydon, CRO 1NG 020 8726 0080 • Comedy: Comedy Club Every Sunday from 8pm. FREE! The Milan Bar, Grants Complex, 14-32 High Street, Croydon, 020 8603 0870 • Music: Live New Orleans Jazz Every Sunday 12.30 - 2.30pm at The Lord Napier Jazz Pub. Entry £2, dance floor, raffle, great atmosphere at one of the longest running Jazz Pubs in Great Britain The Lord Napier, 111 Beulah Road, Thornton Heath CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Panto: Peter Pan Starring BRIAN BLESSED! 4pm and 7.30pm. Fairfield Halls, Park Lane, Croydon, 020 8688 9291 www.fairfield.co.uk • Music: Open Mic FREE! The Jolly Farmers, 7 Purley Road, Purley, CR8 2HA, 020 8660 2076 www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk

Got something going on? Let us know what’s on listings are FREE! e-mail: angela@deeplondon.co.uk

pubs, clubs & bars • Addington Village Inn Beer garden, parking, big screen, food: 12-8pm. 36 Addington Village Rd, Addington, CR0 01689 842057 • All Bar One 2 floors. Decent food all day. Fiendish German beers. Dress code Fri/Sat: smart casual. 10 Park Lane, CR0. 020 8686 1033 • Alma Tavern - DS Beer garden at rear, patio out front, parking, 4 tvs & big screen, kids welcome til 8pm, live music at weekends - see ‘what’s on’, pool table (FREE pool on Mondays), darts and a cashpoint. Food: 12-3pm MonFri. 129 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0, 020 8654 5842. • Arkwrights Wheel - DS Decent sized boozer, pool table, screen for sports, food 12-8pm. Karaoke every Thursday. 151 North End, CR0 020 8649 8638 • Bar Red Square - DS Stylish, light & friendly bar with outside seating. Happy hour 3pm-12am Monday-Saturday: Buy One Get One Free on Smirnoff, Kronenbourg and Wine. DJs at weekends. Dress code: Smart casual - smart trainers ok. 63-65 High St, CR0 020 8688 1020 • Bedford Tavern - DS Large patio garden out front, pool table, bar billiards, tv inside, regular bbqs on the patio. 16 Sydenham Rd, CR0 2EF. 020 8688 2584 • Beehive - DS Large boozer with massive beer garden, right on the green. 47 Woodside Green, South Norwood, SE25 5HQ. 020 8662 1941 • Bird in Hand - DS Croydon’s longest serving Gay bar with pool table, FREE Air Hockey, FREE Giant Jenga, FREE Giant Connect 4, Big Screen TV, Beer Garden, covered and heated smoking area. Back Bar Available for private hire and functions. 291 Sydenham Road, Croydon, London CR0 2EL Tel: 020 8683 3104 www.birdinhand.uk.net We are also on Facebook!

• Bishops Wine Bar Only sell wine. Homemade food served between 12pm and 2.30pm. Opening times subject to change. 1129 Whitgift Centre, CR0. 020 8681 7340 Mon-Sat: 11.30am-4.45pm Closed Sunday. • Black Sheep Bar - DS Possibly Croydon’s most progressive venue. See what’s on for night details. 68 High St, CR0 1NA. 020 8680 2233 www.blacksheepbar.com • Bricklayers Arms - DS 237 High Street Beckenham • Bodega - DS New tapas restaurant / bar. Civilised atmosphere. Wide selection of meat, seafood and veggie tapas. Spanish beers, exclusive Spanish wines. Buy a bottle of our exclusive selected spirits (complimentary mixers) and gain access to our intimate VIP area. Disabled access. Covered heated smoking area. Sky and Setanta sports. Private parties and corporate meeting catered for. Over 21s only. Dress code: No hoodies, tracksuits, caps or football shirts. Open 12-11 Sun-Thu 12-12 Friday-Saturday Food served 12-3 and 5-10pm every day. 14 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DL, 020 8680 9728 • Brief - DS Decent boozer with screens showing music videos/freeview, Dress code at weekends smart casual, no headwear. Door charge at weekends. 48 George St, CR0. 020 8686 6878 • Builders Arms - DS Friendly Fullers pub with conservatory restaurant area, 2 bars, one with 2 tvs. Board games available. General knowledge quiz night every Tuesday from 9pm. Live music last Friday of every month. Large, grassy, pleasant beer garden out back with nice seating, giant Connect 4, giant Jenga and giant skittles, Over 18s only. 65 Leslie Park Rd, CR0 6TP. 020 8654 1803

DS indicates DEEP Stockist!

• Bulls Head - DS Small friendly local. Recently refurbed and under new management. All sports & Setanta sports shown. Real ales Bar food mon-fri: 12-4pm. 39 Laud St, CR0 020 8760 0150 • Claret Free House - DS Intimate real ale pub. 5a Bingham Corner, Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0 7AA 020 8656 7452 • Coombe Lodge Large pub/restaurant with enormous beer garden, conservatory and outdoor dining as well as posh dining room. Food served all day. Also a Travel Inn with rooms around £60. 104 Coombe Rd, CR0 020 8686 2030 • Crescent Arms 323 Whitehorse Road, CR0. 020 8684 2310 • Cricketers - DS Good food, screens for sports, huge garden, pool table. 47 Shirley Rd, CR0 7ER 020 8655 3507 • Cricketers Pub grub served weekdays 123.30 and Sunday Roast served Sundays 12 ‘til they run out! 107 Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8662 1921 • Croham Arms - DS Croham Rd, CR2 020 8688 7356. • Crown Inn - DS Massive pub with beer garden, parking etc. Good food and weekly quiz nights. 28 Wickham Rd, Shirley, CR0 020 8654 8235 • Crown and Anchor - DS 19 Park Road, Bromley • Crown & Pepper - DS Friendly staff and punters, large pub, nice beer garden / patio at the back heated and lit smoking area, conservatory dining area, car park, sofas, wide range of bottled beers, shots and good food. Dinner table reservations available. 242 High St, CR0 1NF. 020 8688 7507 • Crown and Sceptre - DS Small friendly local with outside seating, parking, screen for sports and top food served Mon-Thu 12-9pm, 40

Fri-Sun + bank Hols: 12-6pm 32 Junction Road, CR2. 020 8688 8037 • Davy’s Wine Vaults - DS Intimate underground wine bar, tucked away in North End. Big screen, comfy sofas and booths. Excellent selection of wines. Quiz night first Weds of every month at 7.30pm, Salsa classes and intermediate every Sat. Quality food served everyday 11am-10pm. 122 North End, CR0, 020 8680 2419 • Dog and Bull - DS The Dog comes into its own as the sun arrives - the best beer garden in Croydon, with alfresco bar and bbq. Brilliant. 24 Surrey St, CR0. 020 8688 3664 • Drum and Monkey 7 Gloucester Rd, CR0 • Duke of Cambridge Small pub, popular with footie fans on matchdays. 7 Holmesdale Rd, CR0 2LR 020 8665 6440 • Duke of Gloucester 258 Sydenham Rd, CR0 2EB. 020 8684 3971 • Eagle - DS Under new management. 52 Tamworth Road (Reeves Corner), 020 8686 7474 • Earl of Eldon - DS All sports shown, big screen, beer garden, occasional live music. Food served every day. 63 Brighton Rd, CR2. 020 8688 1473 • Edge - DS Beer garden, Wednesday quiz night. Weekday food 12-3pm. Live music from rock riot promotions www.myspace.com/ rockriotpromo 1 South End, CR0. 020 8774 9933 • Elliott’s - DS Food served Mon-Fri 122.30pm. Function room, 42” plasma screen for sports. Occasional Karaoke. Weds: Fun Blackjack (£1 entry) and Salsa classes from 8pm. 5 High Street, Purley, CR8 2AF. 020 8668 3361 • Fairfield Tavern - DS Only open to theatre-goers. Fairfield Halls, CR0

pubs, clubs & bars • First Base City Limits, The Colonnades, Purley Way • Fishermans Arms 78 Windmill Rd, CR0 2XP 020 8689 7887 • Folly - DS Large and airy split level pub with pool table, outside patio, big screen, comfy seats. Food served 12-6pm every day. Happy hour 4-8pm every day. DJs from 8pm every Sunday. 13-15 Selsdon Rd, CR2. 020 8688 3920 • Forestdale Arms New food menu, massive smoking tent, karaoke Fridays, quiz on Saturday lunch times. Cricket/ football net. Featherbed Lane, CR0 020 8651 1260 • Fountainhead Large pub with large grassy beer garden, kiddie’s slide and, as far as we’re aware, it still has a ‘swingball’ out there too. 114 Parchmore Rd, Thornton Heath. 020 8653 4025 • Fox Pub and restaurant with enormous beer garden set pretty much in the countryside. Nice food last time we visited. Coulsdon Common, Coulsdon, CR3 01883 330401 • Foxley Hatch 8-9 Russell Hill Rd, Purley, CR8. 020 8763 9307 • Freelands Tavern - DS 31 Freelands Road, Bromley • George - DS Wetherspoons pub with cheap beer offers running constantly, large restaurant at rear with no smoking area and disabled access. 17-21 George St, CR0 020 8649 2944 • George Outside courtyard, inside screens for sport, live music, quizzes and karaoke occasionally. Bar food available all day. 132 Canterbury Rd, CR0 020 8689 7911 • Gipsy Moth - DS Massive boozer - kiddies play area, car park, screens etc. Unit 7, The Colonnades, 619 Purley Way, CR0 4RJ 020 8686 8923 • Glamorgan - DS Top quality food in friendly gastro-pub surroundings. beer

table service. Thursday Quiz, Sunday Pub Games night, a BookSwap scheme and local artist's work for sale. Food served 12-9 daily. Mon-Thurs 12-12 Fri -Sat 12-1 Sun -12-10.30 58-60 High St, CR0 1NA 020 8667 0684 Mon-Thu: 12pm-12 midnight Fri/Sat: 12pm-1am Sun: 12pm-10.30pm • Gun Tavern - DS Live music venue as well as a friendly boozer. Pool tables, Sky on big screen TV. Church St, CR0 1RN. 020 8667 1472 • Gypsy Tavern Wine bar. 12 Station Rd, CR0 020 8688 6750 • Half and Half The perfect place to chill- out, with cosy sofas, eclectic tunes, basement area for business meetings, private parties, meet up with work colleagues or friends very friendly and relaxed. Visit www.halfandhalf.uk.com for more info and discounts! 282 High St, CR0 1NG 020 8726 0080 www.halfandhalf.uk.com • Hare and Hounds 325 Purley Way, CR0 020 8688 0420 • Harvest Home 27 Beddington Lane, CR0 020 8688 0813 • Horseshoe Beer garden, pool table and screens for sport. Live music/quiz/karaoke occasionally on Fri-Sun. Kids welcome until 6pm. Food derved 12-2pm and 5-8pm. 745 London Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7, 020 8665 6305 • Hub New club 80-88 High St, CR0 020 8680 5500 • Hustler Club Croydon’s newest (and only) table dancing club. 8pm-3am 12-20 Crown Hill, Croydon, 020 8633 1621 www.hustlerclubuk.com • Jack and Jill Longlands Ave, Coulsdon, CR5 • Jolly Farmers - DS Good beers and ales, and coffees, with home cooked foods served at lunchtimes. (No TV screens inside) Seating areas to the front and side, with car parking to the rear. Live music

garden, pool table, big screens for sport (not football). South African ‘Bunny Chow’ a speciality. 81 Cherry Orchard Rd, CR0 020 8688 6333 • Golden Lion 144 Stanley Rd, CR0 3QB 020 8684 1395 • Good Companion Family friendly pub on the southern edge of South Croydon, on the Limpsfield Road. Main Bar: large screen TV and additional screens showing all major sports, pool table/darts. Live music and DJ nights (Includes established ‘Open Mic’ night on Thursdays, but see the web site for details of all events). Non smoking Lounge Bar and large Restaurant. Home prepared foods inc. kids options available from 12 daily. Special menu on Sundays includes a choice of roasts and other meal options (booking is recommended on Sundays). Very large family gardens. Car Parking for 60 cars. Private weddings, functions and parties catered for. ( no room hire charges ). Open until 11.30p.m. weekdays and Midnight on Fridays and Saturdays Limpsfield Road, South Croydon. Tel: 0208 657 6655. www.thegoodcompanions.com • Goose on the Market DS Huge boozer with an eclectic age range of punters and eyewateringly low prices. 1 Surrey St, CR0 1RG 020 8688 4798 • Granaries 6 Overtons Yard, 020 8667 1000 • Grange Beer garden, screens for sport, pool table. Bar food available every day, occasional live music, quiz, karaoke. 21 Norbury Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8653 3783 • Green Dragon - DS 2 pool tables, sports screens, hire-able upstairs bar. Live music Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Sundays; Djs at the weekend. Quality Ales and Proper Food (big Sunday Roast and lots for veggies); 41

on Fridays (rock/blues band night), Saturdays (mixed bands and singers) and Sundays (great ‘open Mic’ nights with different hosts every week) See the Web site for details www.jollyfarmers-purley.co.uk 7 High Street Purley, Tel 0208 660 2076 • Lion Inn Smoking patio, pool table, darts, screens for sport. Occasional live music and DJs. Main and evening menu, bar snacks all day. 182 Padsons Rd, CR0 020 8684 2978 • Lord Napier Renowned Thornton Heath boozer noted for its quality live jazz music. 111 Beulah Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8653 2286 • Loop - DS “Loop is a members-only, award winning (Best New Late Night Venue - Theme), stylishly designed club with, impressive cocktail bar, american pool tables and some of Londons top DJs.” Dress Code varies, check each listing in what’s on. DJs from 9pm. General Enquiries: 020 8760 7000 www.looppoolbar.com 12 Crown Hill, CR0 • Man on the Moon 112 Headley Drive, New Addington, CR0 0QF 01689 847550 • Milan Bar / Lloyds - DS Hugely popular bar over two floors. Relatively cheap booze. Food served throughout the day until 30mins before closing. Screens showing music videos, 70’s 80’s 90’s night every Thursday from 8pm. DJ’s at weekends Dress code: Smart casual - no hats or trainers. 14-32 High St, CR0, 020 8603 0870 • New Inn 148 Mitcham Rd, CR0 020 8665 1440 • Newton Arms 175 Queens Rd, CR0 020 8684 1654 • Norbury - DS Incorporating The Edge nightclub. Sports bar with 3 big screens and pool tables. Outside seating area. 1300 London Road, Norbury. SW16 4DG. 020 8679 0632

• Old Derby - DS Screens for sport, pool table, darts, benches outside at front. Quiz every 3/4 weeks, live bands and karaoke every two weeks. DJ Twinkletoes every Frdiay and Sunday. Lunch menu served 11am-2.30pm and a diferent meal every night for £1.50. 44 Pitlake, CR0 020 8688 5674 • Old Fox and Hounds Thai food served Mon-Sat: 123pm. Beer garden, pool table, big screen sport, house doubles at £2, function room available. 1 London Rd, CR0 • Orchard - DS Large pub with pool table, darts, big screen, beer garden with kids play-area. 112 Cherry Orchard Rd, CR0 020 8688 3682 • Oval - DS One of our favourite pubs. Brilliantly friendly. Pool table, great beer garden. Real Ales. Food served between 12-3pm every day and 6-9pm Fridays new menu and bar menu (nachos, calamari, potato skins etc). Sunday Roast (2 choices + vege) 12.30-3.30pm. BBQs in summer (available to hire - call for details). Pool competition every Thurs, DJs Fri/Sat, monthly quiz night and live blues (see what’s on for details). 131 Oval Rd, CR0 020 8686 6023 • Parchmore Tavern 82 Parchmore Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8771 3816 • Padson’s Arms Beer garden, screens for sport and kids welcome until 7pm. 69 Padsons Rd, CR0 2QA 020 8684 2378 • Pitlake Arms 73a Waddon New Rd, CR0 1XD 020 8688 0428 • Pistols - DS 208-210 Brighton Road, Coulsdon, CR5 2NF • Plough and Harrow 774 London Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8665 7151 • Plough Inn Croydon Rd, The Broadway, CR0 4QR. 020 8647 1122 • Porter and Sorter - DS The Editor’s local, friendly and lively. Table service, good food - new menu including sarnies and wraps as well as main meals. Dining area at rear, 7

pubs, clubs & bars

different real ales, drinks offers, no smoking area, outside seating, 3 screens. A top boozer! 1 Billinton Hill (formerly Station Rd), CR0, 020 8688 4296 • Portmanor Live bands every Saturday, DJ on Fridays - new rock venue in South London Portland Road, South Norwood SE25 4UF • Prince George 2 High St, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8239 0029 • Purley Arms - DS Outside patio, big screen, cashpoint inside. Food served Mon-Fri: 12pm-7pm Saturday: 12-5pm Sunday: 1pm-5pm. 345 Brighton Rd, CR2 020 8686 3792 Mon-Wed: 12pm-11pm Thu-Sat: 12pm-12am Sun: 12pm-10.30pm • Railview - DS Under New Management. Beer Garden, Darts, Sky Sports, Parking. Sunday Lunch 1-5pm. 11am-11pm Sun-Thu, 11am-12am Sat/Sun 188 Selsdon Rd, CR2 020 8688 2315 • Railway Telegraph 19 Brigstock Rd, Thornton Heath • Randall Tavern Fieldway, New Addington, CR0 9DX, 01869 841476 • Rectory - DS Huge barracuda pub in Purley. Loads of seating, booths, wooden floors etc. Pay car park at rear. Food served 12-10pm. 908-912 Brighton Rd, Purley, CR8 2LN. 020 8660 6396 • Red Deer - DS Under New Management. Massive pub in South Croydon with 2 bars, pool table, 2 big screens + 6 smaller ones for sport. Car park. Large function room available for hire - call for details. Reasonably priced drinks. DJs every Friday and Saturday night from 8midnight playing dance / RnB / Garage etc. 279 Brighton Rd, CR2 020 8688 5599 Mon-Thu: 12-11pm Fri-Sat: 12pm-12am Sun: 12-10.30pm • Reform Tavern 69 Osbourne Rd, Thornton

Heath, CR7 020 8653 9991 • Rileys Croydon Pool / Snooker club. 1st Floor, 63 Frith Road, Croydon, Surrey, CR0 1TB. Telephone: 020 86497788 • Rileys Purley Way Pool / Snooker club. 31 Imperial Way, Purley Way, CR0 4RR. Telephone 020 8688 3479. • Royal Standard - DS Small, friendly Fullers pub with beer garden over the road. Food served Mon-Fri: 122.30pm. Dart board. No music. Rugby pub! 1 Sheldon St, CR0 1SS 020 8688 9749 • Saints and Sinners Pleasant little pub with small beer patio. 482 London Rd, CR0. 020 8689 3713 • Sandrock Hotel - DS Restaurant/pub - patio out the back, parking, good quality market-fresh food served 12 noon to 10pm every day. Music/gen knowledge quiz, every Thursday from 9pm. Monthly live music (phone for date/details). 152 Upper Shirley Road Croydon, CR0 5HA 020 8654 3829 • Selhurst Arms Large Palace pub with 2 bars, big screen, pool table, beer garden /patio, car park. Selhurst Rd, SE25 • Ship - DS Institutional alternative pub. Food Mon-Sat: 12-7pm, Sun: 12.30-3pm. 47 High St, CR0. 020 8688 2810 www.theship.org • Ship of Fools Wetherspoons outfit. 9-11 London Rd, CR0 020 8681 2835 • Shirley Inn - DS Compact pub with beer garden, parking, pool table, darts, 4 screens inc big one. Steak-out menu available MonSat 12-6.30pm and Sun 122.30pm. Karaoke on some Thursdays, and Entertainment on Saturdays (phone for dates and details). 158 Wickham Rd, CR0. 020 8654 1362 • Sir Julian Huxley 42

152-154 Addington Rd, Selsdon, CR2. 020 8657 9457 • Skylark Large pub spread over two floors. 34 South End, CR0 1DP. 020 8649 9909 • Smugglers Inn 320 Chipstead Valley Rd, Coulsdon. 020 8657 9457 • Spread Eagle - DS Extensive traditional pub menu served 12-9pm Mon-Sat and 12-5pm Sunday. Real Ales, Cask Conditioned ales. Outside seating. Sky big screen downstairs, plasma screen upstairs. Function room for hire with buffets available. 39 High St, CR0 1QD 020 8781 1134 • Stag 234-236 Addington Rd, Selsdon, 020 8657 6265 • Stag and Hounds - DS Local pub with beer garden. Friendly atmos. Home cooked food every Friday 11am-3pm. 26 Selsdon Rd, CR2 020 8688 1908 • Star 101 Southbridge Rd, CR0. 020 8688 2638 • Surprise Inn - DS Karaoke every Sunday evening from 5.30 until closing. 107 Upper Shirley Rd, CR0. 020 8656 6820 • Surrey Cricketers - DS Friendly, triangular shaped pub, seats outside, pool table, screens, darts. 23 West St, CR0 020 8288 1781 • Swan and Sugarloaf - DS Large pub with parking, screen for sports, pool table and darts. Function room for hire. B&B (room only £20pppn). 1 Brighton Rd, CR2. 020 8686 2562 020 8688 7888 • Thomas Farley 61 High St, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8665 7975 • Tiger Tiger - DS 6 bars, a restaurant: modern classic food and a club spread over 2 floors. Happy hour 57.30pm. Dress Code: Smart casual, collared shirts, no trainers. 16 Grant’s Building, High St, CR0. 020 8662 4949. www.tigertiger-croydon.co.uk • Tudor Rose

pubs / clubs / bars / restaurants Coulsdon Rd, Coulsdon, CR5 01737 553368 • Two Brewers - DS Pleasant little Shepherd Neame pub with tables outside front, beer garden out back. screens for sport, darts. Gets busy with footie fans as it’s on the way to Selhurst Park, but still manages to stay friendly and welcoming. 221 Gloucester Rd, CR0. 020 8684 3544 • Txt Bar - DS New upmarket bar. Cocktails a speciality. 73 South End, CR0 020 8667 1308 • Upstairs Gorgeous, grown-up, intimate club.Thursday - Simply Salsa. Friday & Saturday Club nights with DJ's including Louis from Choice FM. Guest list and venue hire available, please contact 020 8688 9837 for details. www.treehousepeople.com 78 South End, CR0. 020 8688 9837 • Victoria Cross 228 Bensham Lane, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8684 3022 • Vintage 34 Surrey Street, Croydon CR0 1RJ 020 8686 5600 www.vintage-bar.com • Walkabout - DS Large and lively Aussie boozer. Club attached, (open Fri/Sat). Live bands and DJs through the week. Large portions of food (inc. crocodile & kangaroo) served until 1 hour before closing. 2 big screens for sport, loads of seating and comfy sofas. Dress code: smart casual - no trainers. 12 Crown Hill, CR0 1RZ. 020 8680 5559 mail: croydon@walkabout.eu.com for birthdays special occasions and guest list. • Welcome Inn 300 Parchmore Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7 • Wheatsheaf Large and allegedly haunted boozer on Thornton Heath Pond. 759 London Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7. 020 8665 7161 • Wheelwrights Arms - DS

126 Southbridge Rd, CR0. • Windmill - DS Friendly local with large grassy beer garden and big screen. Food served Mon-Sat 12pm2.30pm and Sunday 1pm-5pm. Quiz night at the end of every month - phone for details. 224 St James Rd, CR0 2BW. 020 8684 2272. Mon-Sat: 11am11pm. Sun: 12pm-10.30pm • Windsor Castle - DS (Toby Carvery and Innkeepers Lodge) Pub, restaurant, hotel. Car park. Garden & patio. Food served 12pm-9.30pm, set menu and carvery. 415 Brighton Rd, CR2. 020 8680 4559 • Woodman - DS Small and friendly pub with beer garden at back, outside seating at front and screen for sports. Unusual and interesting ceiling decor. 36 Upland Rd, CR2 020 8688 4725 • Yates’s Wine Lodge - DS New and vastly improved, friendly, relaxed and with pool hall upstairs. 3-11 High St, CR0 020 8681 8219 • Ye Olde Clock Tower 35 Whitehorse Road, CR0 020 8684 0288

FISH • McDermott’s Fish Restaurant Quality Fish and Chips restaurant and takeaway. 5/7 Featherbed Lane, Addington 020 8651 1440 Tues-Sat 12-2pm & 5-9.30pm ((pm on Saturday) FRENCH • Auberge French cuisine. Unit 2153 (third floor) Whitgift Centre, CR0. 020 8680 8337 Sun-Wed: 10am-6pm Thu-Sat: 10am-10pm • Boulevard - DS Restaurant, bar, cafe. 7-8 Ruskin Parade, Selsdon Rd, South Croy. CR2. 020 8649 9990 • Chateau Napolean Upmarket French cuisine Coombe Wood Hs, Coombe Lane, 020 8686 1244, 020 8680 6027 • Little Bay French/Italian/English. Small intimate restaurant. 32 Selsdon Rd, CR2. 020 8649 9544 • Rayon D’Or French/Italian/English. Face painting for kids on Sunday, dinner and dancing on Saturday. Airport House, Purley Way, CR0. 020 8781 1933 • Savana 222 London Rd, CR0 020 8680 7452

restaurants AMERICAN • Frankie and Benny’s Pizza, pasta & burgers. Valley Leisure Park, Purley Way, CR0. 020 8760 5021 • T.G.I Fridays 702-704 Purley Way, CR0. 020 8681 1313

GREEK • L’Unico Greek cuisine. 265 High St, CR0, 020 8688 7998

ENGLISH • Cockney’s Pie and Mash Pies, mash, liquor, vinegar in huge bottles, 82 Church St, CR0 - 020 8680 4512 • Coombe Lodge 104 Coombe Rd, CR0 020 8686 2030 • Tree House - DS 78 South End, CR0 020 8688 9837 • Sandrock Hotel - DS Good quality market-fresh food served 12 noon to 10pm every day. 152 Upper Shirley Road Croydon, CR0 5HA 020 8654 3829

INDIAN • 1860 Indian / South African cuisine. 28 South End, CR0 020 8688 3839 • Anika’s Contemporary Indian & Bangladeshi cuisine. 4 Selsdon Parade, Addington Rd, Selsdon, CR2, 020 8651 6602 020 8651 6603 • Banana Leaf Award winning South Indian cuisine. 7 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8688 0297 43

020 8688 9922 • Bharat Bhavan 10 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0.020 8688 6239 020 8680 5553 • Bombay Blue - DS Fine Indian cuisine. 23 High Street, Purley, CR8 2AF. 020 8645 0022 • Catamaran South Indian Kerala cuisine. Veggie and non-veggie. Takeaways available. 62 South End, Croydon CR0 1DP, 020 8688 6996 020 8688 7002 www.mcdosa.com • Chat House 14 Brighton Rd, CR2 020 8688 6327 • Depa Indiana 5 Derby Rd, CR0 020 8688 9695 020 8686 4902 • Go East 212 London Rd, CR0 020 8667 1700 • India Palace 79 High St, CR0 020 8686 6730 • Kerala Bhavan South Indian. 16 London Rd, CR0. 020 8688 6216 • Mensab 39 Stafford Rd, CR0 020 8667 9090 • Mohini Balti 202 Croydon Rd, Beddington, CR0. 020 8686 8700 020 8688 5265 • Panahar 316 Limpsfield Rd, CR2 020 8651 9662 • Rose Indian/Chinese/Sri Lankan 305 London Rd, CR0 020 8684 1198 020 8684 1536 • Royal Asia Tandoori 91 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8656 7818 • Sanderstead Tandoori 5 Station Parade, Sanderstead Rd, CR2. 020 8651 6489 • Sangri New indian - fantastic food! 265 High Street, Croydon CR0 1QH • Taste Of Bengal 1 Station Parade, Sanderstead Rd, CR2. 020 8651 5445 • Tikka Masala 227-229 High St, CR0 020 8686 8800 • Zafran 349 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8655 0055

restaurants • Zara’s Kitchen Quality Indian, bring your own alcohol. 60 South End, CR0 020 8688 4277 020 8688 0782 ITALIAN • Bagatti’s 56-58 South End, CR0 020 8680 1336 • Bella Italia Live Opera as you eat. 18 George St, CR0, 020 8688 5787 • Ciao Bella 38a South End, CR0, 020 8688 8524 • Dario 248 Brighton Rd, CR2 020 8686 2680 • Elio 17 Limpsfield Rd, CR2 020 8657 2953 • Il Cavallino 89 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8656 9679 • Il Ponte Great food, but a bit crowded. 91-101 High St, CR0 020 8686 1112 • Il Teatro Wood oven baked pizza 64-66 London Rd, CR0 020 8667 1788 • La Pergola Streatham Italian with institutionally hilarious Elvis show. 66 Streatham High St, SW16. 020 8764 2646 / 020 8769 2601 • Pizza Express 3-7 South End, CR0 020 8680 0123 • Zizzi - DS Pasta and Pizza in modern surroundings with a wood oven for pizza. French doors all along the front, which they open up in summer. 57-59 South End, CR0. 020 8649 8403 MEXICAN • Chiquito Unit 3, Valley Park Leisure Development, Purley Way, CR0. 020 8686 8341 • Conchitas 27/29 South End, Croydon Tel: 020 8255 8028 • Tequila Rock Cafe 281 High St, CR0 020 8686 8030 020 8686 3223

10% discount on all takeaway collections and deliveries. 49b49c South End, Croydon, CR0 1BF. 020 8680 2010 Lunch Mon-Fri: 12-2.30pm Dinner Mon-Thu: 6-11.30pm Fri/Sat: 6pm-midnight Sun: 12 noon - 11pm. • Tai Tung Chinese. 550 Purley Way, CR0 020 8688 3668 / 0117 • Udon Noodle Bar 74 London Rd, CR0 020 8686 0602 • Welcome Friends Chinese. 4 Bingham Corner, Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8656 9981.

ORIENTAL • Anna’s Thai. 1078 Whitgift Centre, CR0. 020 8681 6601 • Beijing Cottage Superior Cantonese. 49 South End, CR0 020 8688 2046 020 8688 1092 • Blossom House Chinese. 340 Limpsfield Rd, CR2. 020 8651 4723 • Excelsior Chinese. 264 Wickham Rd, CR0. 020 8656 1666 • Kelong All you can eat Malay/Chinese buffet. 1b Selsdon Rd, CR0 020 8688 0726 • Longquan Noodle Bar 97 South End, CR0 020 8667 9588 • Mae Ping Thai. 16-18 South End, CR0 020 8760 0278 • Malay House Malaysian BYO alcohol. 60 Lower Addiscombe Rd, CR0. 020 8666 0266 • Miso Noodle Bar. Geeorge Street, Croydon www.misonoodlebar.co.uk • New China King 6 Beddington terrace, Mitcham Rd, CR0 020 8689 8222 • Oriental Express Good value functional chinese food served super-fast. Ideal for filling up before a night on the town. 56 George St, CR0 020 8681 6598 • Osushi Croydon’s first sushi restaurant - sushi, tempura & ramen in contemporary surroundings 47 South End, CR0 1BF 020 8681 1166 • Paisaan Thai. Delivery of food and wines & beers available! 13-17 Station Rd, CR0 020 8686 6254 • Royal Garden Upmarket Chinese. Takeaway available. Shirley Hills Rd, CR0 020 8654 6491 / 020 8654 0170 • Spicy Penang Chinese / Malaysian cuisine. Restaurant / takeaway / free delivery (over £15 (after discount) within 3 mile radius.

NEPALESE • Gurkha Spice Seafood, Thai, Chinese, Indian, Nepalese cuisine 343 Brighton Road, South Croydon, CR2 6EQ 020 8686 8606 020 8667 0711 OTHER • Croydon Steak House T-bone steaks from 500g to 1500g. 31 South End, CR0 020 8688 8422. Closed Sun. • La Brasa Argentinian cuisine - mostly cow-based. 108a High St, CR0. 020 8760 9610 • Nando’s Portugese chicken restaurant. 26 High St, CR0 020 8681 3505, 0800 975 8181 • Tiger Tiger - DS Classic cuisine with a contemporary twist, along with 6 bars, 2 dance-floors and happy hour 5pm-7.30pm. 16 Grant’s Building, High St, CR0. 020 8662 4949 www.tigertiger-croydon.co.uk • Tree House - DS Large contemporary restaurant with bar and garden offering modern European cuisine. Main meals from £8.95. 78 South End, CR0. 020 8688 9837 SPANISH • Bodega - DS New tapas bar / restaurant. Wide selection of meat, seafood and veggie tapas. Spanish beers, exclusive Spanish wines. Disabled access. Covered heated smoking area. 44

Sky and Setanta sports. Private parties and corporate meeting catered for. Over 21s only. Dress code: No hoodies, tracksuits, caps or football shirts. Open 12-11 Sun-Thu 12-12 Friday-Saturday Food served 12-3 and 5-10pm every day. 14 South End, Croydon, CR0 1DL, 020 8680 9728 • Galicia Tapas Bar and restaurant. 269-275 High St, CR0 020 8686 0043 • La Tasca Tapas bar and restaurant. 38-40 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1YB, 0208 680 3388 • Las Fuentes Tapas bar and restaurant. 36-40 High St Purley Surrey CR8 2AA, 020 8763 1983 • Picasso Tapas Bar and restaurant. 910 London Rd, Thornton Heath, CR7 7PE, 020 8684 0049 VEGETARIAN / VEGAN • Pepperton UK - DS Relaxed and friendly licensed vegetarian restaurant and art gallery. Open Tue - Thu: 5.00pm - 10.00pm Fri - Sat: 12noon - 10.00pm Sun & Mon: Closed (other than for party/group bookings of 10 or more). Pepperton UK 25 Selhurst Road, SE25 020 8683 4462

cabs / cinema / music / adult cabs • A1 Minicabs 307 London Road, CR0, 020 8683 3535 or 020 8684 5050 • Circuit Cars 12 South End, CR0 020 8680 4321 • Croydon Carriage Co 270 Wickham Road, CR0 020 8656 1313 • Croydon Central Cars 35 South End, CR0 020 8686 4444 020 8686 4499 • Derby Minicabs 1 Derby Road, CR0 020 8680 5566 020 8680 7799 • Kendall Cars 11, Epsom Road, CR0 and 20 Station Road, CR0. 020 8681 3535 • Roadrunners 174 North End, CR0 0800 147369 020 8681 8700 • Station Cars Purley 10 Station Approach, Purley, CR8, 020 8660 6000 020 8668 8848 • Station Cars Sanderstead Sanderstead BR 020 8657 5550 020 8657 1110 020 8657 5588

hotels • Aerodrome Hotel 3 star. £60-£120 Purley Way, CRO 020 8680 1999 • Coombe Lodge Around £55. 104 Coombe Rd, CR0, 020 8686 2030 • Coulsdon Manor Hotel 4 star. £108-£130 Coulsdon Court Rd, Coulsdon, 020 8668 0414 • Croydon Park Hotel 4 star. £125 - £140. Gym and pool. And a bar open to non-residents. 7 Altyre Road, CRO 020 8680 9200 • Express Holiday Inn WS

Priddy’s Yard, off Frith Road, (behind Debenhams) Croydon • Fairfield Hotel 2 star. £60ish. 1 Lansdowne Rd, CRO 020 8681 3381 • Hilton Croydon 4 star. £110. Waddon Way (off Purley Way), CRO. 020 8680 3000 • Innkeepers Lodge (Windsor Castle) - WS £70. 415 Brighton Rd, South Croydon, CR2 0870 243 0500 • Jury’s Inn 3 star. From £69. Wellesley Rd, CR0, 0870 907 2222 • Kirkdale Hotel £45-£80. 22 St Peters Rd, CRO. 020 8688 5898 • Premier Travel Inn £55ish. The Colonnades Leisure Park, 619 Purley Way, CR0. 0870 990 6554 • Selsdon Park Hotel 4 star. £100-£175. 126 Addington Rd, CR2 020 8657 8811 • South Park Hotel 2 star. £55-£75 3-5 South Park Rd, CR2 020 8688 5644

• Memory Lane Records Old tunes. 55 Frith Road, CR0 020 8649 7220 • Online Studios 2 state of the art soundproofed, air-conditioned recording studios with vocal room. Studio hire, music production, training courses and DJ recording. Free parking. Unit 18-19 Croydon House, 1 Peall Road, Croydon, CR0 3EX. Tel: 020 8287 8585. www.onlinestudios.co.uk info@onlinestudios.co.uk • Rockbottom - WS Southern England’s largest music shop - keyboards, electronica, guitars & amps, drums & percussion (drum lessons available), woodwind & brass instruments. Buy and sell, downstairs rehearsal studios. 68/70 London Road, CR0. 020 8680 1042 • Scream Studios - WS Open 24 hours. 1000w rig with on board digital effects. Piezo mic recording system, air conditioning. Full backline available. Parking available. Daytime sessions from £18, evening sessions from £25. 20c South End, Croydon, CR0 1DN(next to E-Bar). 020 8686 5788 www.screamstudios.co.uk • Swag Records - WS Dance music specialists. 42 Station Road, West Croydon. 020 8681 7735 www.swagrecords.com • Vinyl Resting Place WS Now online only at: www.thevinylrestingplace. co.uk • World Domination Music Croydon’s newest independent music publisher. Looking for singers/songwriters. All demos listened to. 52 Upper Selsdon Road, South Croydon, CR2 8DE 020 8657 5565

music • Beanos - WS The UKs largest 2nd hand record shop. 3 floors of vinyl heaven. Star House, 7 Middle St (near Jim Thompsons / Surrey Street market) 020 8680 1202 • Jonathan Myall Music Europe’s leading woodwind & brass centre. New & secondhand. Sales, rental, repairs. 46 South End, CR0 020 8662 8400 www.justflutes.com • Livewire Recording Studios Streatham Ice Arena 386 Streatham high road London. SW16 6HT 020 8835 9913 • Martin Phelps Music Guitars, amps, digital pianos, keyboards. On site guitar workshop. Buy and sell instruments. 9 South End, CR0, 020 8680 9747 45

• 101 Records 2nd hand music. 11 Keeley Rd, CR0. 020 8681 8282

cinema / theatre .• Fairfield Halls - WS Theatre and cinema. Park Lane, Croydon, CR9 1DG box office: 020 8688 9291 admin: 020 8681 3381 www.fairfield.co.uk • Warehouse Theatre - WS Theatre and bar. Dingwall Road, Croydon CR0, 020 8680 4060 www.warehousetheatre.co.uk • Vue Grants 10 screen cinema complex. 14 High Street, Croydon, CR0 1GT. bookings and info: 08702 406020 enquiries: 020 8688 0606 www.warnervillage.co.uk • Vue Purley Way 8 screen cinema complex. Valley Park Leisure Complex, Hasterman Way, Croydon, CR0 4YA. bookings, info and enquiries: 08702 406020 www.warnervillage.co.uk • David Lean Cinema - WS 80 seater cinema & bar mostly art-house and alternative films. Croydon Clocktower, Katherine Street, Croydon, CR9 1ET. 020 8253 1030

adult • Hustler Club Croydon’s newest (and only) table dancing club. 8pm-3am www.hustlerclubuk.com 12-20 Crown Hill, Croydon, 020 8633 1621 • Private DVDs, videos, ‘marital aids’ toys etc in a discreet environment. Selsdon Road, South Croydon (opposite The Folly pub)

The Agony Septuagenarian agony aunt cum rock mutton Auntie May gets her pizza on...

ello again folks. Well, this month we’ve seen a bit of a live music bonanza and I’ve done my very best not to miss too much of it (I refused point blank to see Boy George though) although this has entailed me spending a disproportionate amount of time in various drinking establishments in the area and staying up way past my bedtime. I have however found a way around this; since my usual bedtime now averages 3 a.m. I am seldom late to bed – problem solved! I started off with a trip up to Storm at Leicester Square to see God Sacks Man, a band solely responsible for keeping the black hair dye industry off the skids. These boys know how to rock despite having a drummer bearing an uncanny likeness to Keira Knightley and an average age of 17. So much so that they actually set one of their amps on fire during the soundcheck necessitating a heroic dash to the toilets and a quick dunk in a sink full of water. I’m sure we’ll be hearing a lot more from these boys and I’m working on trying to persuade them to come down to Croydon in the future. The following Friday I was just settling down for an evening of plotting cunning stunts when I received a frantic cry for help from Frantic Promotions (see what I did there?) who were in the Brief with three hungry bands and seven raw pizzas. Your ever-resourceful Auntie May sprung into action and leapt into the jetpropelled shopping trolley, collected said pizzas (which involved a certain amount of frisbeeing over a poorly parked van) and set up an impromptu pizzeria at home, delivering them back to the Brief in record time, thus earning the respect and admiration of several more devoted fans. The next day I felt in the need for some loud music and bad company so it was off to the Ship for the triumphant return of Steve the Ears and Pantera Gary for a night of musical mayhem, air guitar demonstrations and a very impressive bar-balancing act at the end from Steve. Rumour has it that Steve and Gary are staging a come-back on 7th February and you’d be a fool to miss it. It’s always a treat to have some midweek live music and this month saw the

culmination of the Witchfest Battle of the Bands contest to win a slot playing at Witchfest at the Fairfield Halls on 8th November. Four bands made it through to the Grand Final – Into The Woods, Tenyson, Kick and Bad Sign and I’m told that Kick won the day, although it was a close contest. I say this because my recollection of the end of the evening is more than a little blurry and the next morning I awoke to a flurry of texts from concerned correspondents, asking me if I knew how they got home, why they fell off a bus and how they sustained various random injuries. Apologies to Trevor for stealing most of his chips on the bus – you can steal mine next time! It was back to the Ship the next day for an acoustic set from Boot Led Zeppelin. Those of us down at the front became embroiled in a heated debate about Robert Plant’s hugely impressive trouserage, if you get my drift, and this continued on-line well into the next day. I suggest you get down to the Fairfield Halls on 7th November and decide for yourself.

“Those of you who turn up to see a band and think it just ‘happens’ are sadly mistaken”

God Sacks Man 46

Possibly due to my successful pizzeria business or perhaps the fact that there was nobody else to ask, I was persuaded to run the Hell in High Heels night at the Brief with Pseudo Philosophers and Exoterik. Now those of you who turn up to see a band and think it just “happens” are sadly mistaken. Before I’d even left home one of the bands had had a crash on the A303 and had to pull out. When I arrived, the pub was still set out for the wedding the day before (Congratulations Neil) so my trusty assistant/slave and I spent a happy hour lugging furniture about. Fortunately Dom had discovered a handy pizza oven lurking upstairs so all we had to do was remember to snatch the pizzas out of the oven before they incinerated (which we managed most of the time). Guitar cabs had to be lugged up and down Crown Hill, banners and posters put up, haze machines had to be remembered to be switched on and more importantly there was the ever-present problem of putting my drink down and forgetting where I had left it. Thank you to Chaz, Gavin, Ash and Anna for all your help, particularly with the last bit! And that’s all for now dearies. Try to keep up with my hectic social life at www.myspace.com/auntiemay99 and I’ll see you at the bar!

New contributor Justin Merritt catches up with The Resonance Association and it all gets a bit prog-rock...

t's all well and good when an established artist gives away their latest album in an innovative and exciting (and more importantly, free) way. But when a band or label springs up from (almost) out of nowhere and starts putting out material for free it's a sign that either A - it's shit or B - the people in question are clueless fuckwits. Try arguing that with local space-rock duo The Resonance Association - who release their second long player We Still Have the Stars this month - and you'll get more than you bargained for. Which, come to think of it, pretty much sums up the overall effect of their genre-defying sound. If the name's not familiar then at least

led, psychedelic-ambient outfit who were "massively unsuccessful ... our gigs were always shit but some of the tracks we recorded were truly ace". Fundamental to mrsvee's - and ultimately TRA's - vision is accessibility, which is where the free download bit comes in... "The plan is that by giving this album away we'll not only feed our existing fans but we'll reach out to a load of new ones who we'll then reward with plenty of new tracks over the coming years," Daniel explains, adding that as well as picking up We Still Have the Stars visitors to the band's website can also access several EPs from the band's formative years.

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s worth bracing yourself for something of a rollercoaster ride as TRA are far from your average local soap-dodging musos... one of the faces of this intrepid outfit might be as Daniel Vincent is something of an old boy when it comes to playing around Croydon, having cropped up in a few bands over the past five years. Since hooking up with partner in progressive crime Dominic Hemy in 2006, The Resonance Association built up an international following on the internet before clinching a record deal with art rock label Burning Shed. The band are now using the launch of their second album to make some sonic waves of their own in the world of distribution. "We told the guys at Burning Shed, who we'd worked with for the first album, that we wanted to do something different with this one," Daniel sheepishly offers. "But funnily enough labels on the whole aren't so keen when you turn round and tell them you're giving away your valuable product for free". So, it was clearly option "B" then. For this new free offering, Daniel took the opportunity to breathe new life into mrsvee, the online and CDR label he originally set up with his wife Lisa back in 2003 when recording under the guise of Onion Jack. Onion Jack was a guitar-

But even though the credit crunch makes anything free a more than alluring prospect, why use that oh-so expensive electricity to download music by yet another bunch of local soap dodging musos? It's worth bracing yourself for something of a rollercoaster ride: TRA are far from your average listen. It's all well and good bandying around names like Kraftwerk, Flying Saucer Attack, M83 and - dare we say it - Pink Floyd, but even that doesn't really encompass the sound of this second album. Bizarrely for a band which had built its reputation on rocking out in the higher echelons of guitar soundscapes, Daniel claims the band originally set out to dump the guitars all together this time around: "We originally planned to make a completely electronic album, but as the recording progressed we started to sneak in the odd guitar here and there, and before we really knew about it we'd written what I guess is an electronic progressive rock record." Listen to the album's title track and you'll see exactly where this talk of ditching the guitars led to: a subtle blend of soundscape and rhythmic bleepery 48

straight from UFOrb or Future Sound of London. However, the Hawkwind-esque stomp of Path of Totality arrives to shatter the calm (and possibly the odd eardrum). The final track - The Moment Has Passed - sees the band doing what they do best, which is basically cramming drones, drum loops, weird bleepy things, guitar solos and other distortions into one 12 minute track and generally sounding like the bastard love children of David Gilmour and Trent Reznor. So, musically, the album seems like a success, but where can this "creative commons" free-for-all route lead to, especially for those who think that a download is the natural passage of last night's curry? Well, the record geeks out there will no doubt be interested to know that there's a heavyweight vinyl version on offer through the band's old label Burning Shed. Talk about going from one extreme to the other... it'll be stone tablet and wax cylinder for the next one then lads? I suppose it at least it shows that these people mean business. The vinyl certainly offers the best way to get an eyeful of the starkly beautiful but haunting sleeve courtesy of graphic artist Carl Glover (a long time contributor to the cultish worlds of concept rockers Marillion and Porcupine Tree). Which leads me onto my final point: the band seem not to be bothered by their association with prog rock and all the overblown guff that goes with it. I suppose that's The Resonance Association and their new album at the end of the day: completely out of fashion and, like so many bands in Croydon, unhindered by any sense of commercial viability... and surely the music world's better for it. The Resonance Association's album "We Still Have The Stars" is available to download from www.westillhavethestars.com Download a lot of other stuff from www.mrsvee.co.uk

s mentioned in this month’s editorial, the deep massive have spent October trying new things. Not necessarily as a conscious effort - it just sort of worked out that way, as things with us generally do. Here are some of the new things wot we’ve done. We start with Bill Bailey’s Remarkable Guide to the Orchestra down in Brighton which was, as you’d expect, bloody marvellous and quite remarkable. Informative yet hilarious, was the general consensus. Witnessing

four-part radio play, (with fish supper) upstairs by the Exit Theatre Company the Croydon based, voluntary, community theatre co-operative. I have actually been to a radio play before, but it’s new to go to one on your doorstep, so it was a bit unfortunate that we couldn’t stay to the end due to prior commitments. Reviews garnered since have been a bit mixed but everyone agrees the Company and the Dragon deserve huge kudos for raising the bar again in the ‘what events can be staged

The BBC Concert Orchestra in full ‘Carry On’ mode complete with ‘bra-flying-off-moment’ trumpets is a joy to behold... the entire BBC Concert Orchestra doing music from the Carry On’s, complete with ‘bra flying off moment’ trumpets, whilst stamping their feet and generally having a right laugh was a joy to behold. Our first foray since school to an orchestra recital, albeit a marvellously warped one, we fervently hope they release this one on DVD. Nice one Mr B. Back home and the Green Dragon goes leftfield again with the staging of a

in a pub’ stakes. A sterling effort from all involved and again, as for the London Mozart Players, a good turnout of punters proves there is a real appetite for this kind of forwardthinking event that’s a bit more than bung a band on. Visit www.exittheatre.co.uk for details of their next production or if you’d like to join the collective. Something we did this month which we’ve never ever done before was go to

a rugby match. Not because we don;t like the egg-chasers, just because it’s never really occurred to us to go along. Happily an e-mail from ‘Tash and the discovery that someone I went to primary school with plays for them saw us heading up Croham Road to Old Whitgiftians Rugby Football Club. To be fair today's event was a testimonial so had more of a familyfun-day vibe to it, with a barbecue, raffle and several games from all echelons of the club. Rob, my mate from primary, is keen to point out that although it’s called Old Whitgiftians you don’t have to be one to come along. You also don’t have to be into rugby as the ground has cricket, footie and hockey facilities as well as, most importantly, a bar (and also, later that night, a disco where various people who shall not be named could be found throwing shapes in the house of dance). As mentioned, the fun day / testimonial aspect made for a marvellous family day out, with hordes of very small children hareing about clutching funny shaped balls, although I’m assured that the club is always friendly and welcoming to all with an

...continued on page 54

The Month in Pictures... a birthday party and four halloween doâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s - the worldâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s gone fancy-dress mad...

absence of the kind of toffery you may have expected. It is true, however, that - Christ rugby players can DRINK. Thus after I’d ensconced myself on a table with a horde of people I’d met that day who were all incredibly nice and friendly, and some of whom were wearing the OWRFC blazer which, it must be said, looks a bit like a deck-chair (sorry!), we were all treated to a rousing rendition of ‘Build Me Up, Buttercup’ from the increasingly hammered table of youthful players on the table next door as they necked jugs of a lurid red concoction, presumed to be snakebite and black. I’m not sure though that a load of youthful athletic types necking jugs of snakebite and black in any other environment would’ve come across as quite so amusing and entirely nonthreatening, even when they started drinking out of each others shoes. A bit of a culture shock then for someone more used to the barely-concealed menace of professional football games, and much fun was had by all. And all for the princely sum of nil pence entry fee. I’m not saying I’m a rugby convert - I don;t know all the rules so was a tad confused, and the urge to shout ‘Hand-ball!’ every time someone picks the thing up is strangely overwhelming after a few pints, I would recommend a visit to the local rugger side as a day out for the family, just up the road and with the prospect of coming face-to-face with angry Millwall fans significantly reduced. Rugby? Approved! Fixtures at Old Whitgiftians run throughout the winter so visit www.owrfc.co.uk or for details. Register as a supporter member for more info from the club and you can go along and support your local team, and have a beer whilst doing so, so it’s all good in the Whitgift hood. They’re also always on the lookout for new players - again, same web address.

The latest dispatches from the other side of the world courtesy of globe-trotting Geoff... ...”My camel's name was 'Gee'... He was the oldest of the five waiting on the sand next to our jeep. He had noserings, and, I was told, a serious flatulence problem - "He likes you, you’re the same!", said Jamin, our guide "I think, sir, you're made for each other..." I just want to know how he knew my name started with a 'G'”...

amaste to you all from Udaipur, Southern Rajasthan, India. S’me here again, dear reader of Deep, that noodleyheaded Hound Dog bloke, who, if you cast your lager-addled mind back two months, was in Malia, Crete, trying to work as a caricature artist and sign-writer, having quit Croydon (again), for sunnier climes. I was in the same issue as Joanna Lumley and Charley Boorman (eyethangYOH!!), but sadly didn't get their sponsorship deals, or as much column space... feck [don’t bloody start Ed]. Anyway, after managing to blag a flight back to Gatwick, I spent ten days crashing with Dean, Shiv and Munch The Rabbit above The Ship (thanks again guys), helped drink six bottles of cactus juice, Dj'd a couple of times, finally sorted out my visa for India and eventually found myself at Heathrow just in time for the last call to Delhi.. A 10 hour flight later, with airline curry, FREE BOOZE (get in!), Indiana Jones 4 shown twice with me stuck between two old fellas with huge turbans and even bigger beards, and I was a world away from East Croydon station. Having been to India before, I knew to expect the unexpected; oppressive heat, end-of-monsoon flashstorms, non-stop hassle from hotel owners, rickshaw, taxi

and tuk-tuk drivers, stray dogs, shop assistants, sacred (and holy) cows, the constant beeeeeep! of cars n mopeds, beggars, false beard vendors (yes, I was offered one - "Very good quality, sir..."), and everyone else wanting to know which country I'm from, my name, how old I am, my profession, where my wife is, and do I want to join them for chai (VERY sweet, milky tea)..."You come into my shop, my friend ONLY LOOKING!”. Even so, nothing can fully prepare you for it, nor can you hope to not be affected by it. It's hard work, is India, no violins intended. So, after doing the auto-rickshaw boogie to The Parganj area in Delhi (dirt roads, guest houses, more holy cows, even more stray dogs - but no cats, and tailor shops - ‘only looking!’), I got a room with no view, but a fan, and grabbed a couple of hours kip. The next few days involved acclimatising to the culture-shock that smacks you in the nose and mouth. People and animals openly pissing and shitting in the streets, and a crazily chaotic life going on from 4.30am to midnight... I headed north, via Shimla (a bit like Torquay in the 60's for the locals, minus the briney), then onto Manali. Both towns mark the start to The Himalaya

Region, and it's pretty awesome seeing them for the first time. You can also buy Manali Gold, which ain't instant coffee, and it’s pretty fab smoking it looking up at snow-capped mountains. Even better flying over them for an hour to get to Leh, Ladakh. Alas the season was all but over up in them thar hills, so the last couple of weeks has seen me flying, train-ing and bus-ing it to Agra, to see the Taj Mahal (as beautiful at dawn as you'd imagine... and worth $70 million - that's none of your Ikea), The Ranthambore National Park to see tigers (didn't see any), then Jaipur, Pushkar (camel country) and Jaisalmer - which is where I climbed up, turban upon me noggin, onto Gee, much to his obvious disgust, and me and three others plodded off into The Great Tharr Desert fer Forty Days and Forty Nights (okay, two...), sleeping under the stars and downwind of camels. Now I understand why ex-girlfriends occasionally complained of not being able to stop a pig in a passage... I'm now heading south for seven weeks before flying to Perth - hope India doesn't break me, hope you had a great Halloween - say hi on Facebook - be good to hear from you. Laters, Namaska... Geoff The Unwashed Of The Tharr Desert X

News-hound Pru, it’s all kicking off!

ig (and good) news to start with this month in that Karen, erstwhile landlady and all round turner-around of The Gun Tavern (which is still going strong, btw) is back in sunny Croydon from her happy sojourn to Las Vegas and is set to take over as landlady of... The Swan and Sugarloaf, a pub that we’ve thought for years could be brilliant but was, let’s face it, not, really. Having popped in to say hi on her inaugural day, we learned that the Swan now looks rather swish after its recent refurb, that all draughts are just £2 and that Karen is putting on the first of many live bands on November 15th in the separate function room. No details yet on who’s playing but you can bet it’ll be rocking. We hold out high hopes. You go girl! Elsewhere in that neck of the woods The Folly has been taken over and we wait with interest to see what that entails, and up in Selhurst footie fans may be interested to know that the Selhurst Arms, the Clifton and the White Horse are all now under new management, following on from the Two Brewers, whose new management has been in for a while now and who are doing a sterling job. As ever, we’ll keep you posted as to developments. Other movers and shakers this month include Carbon closing - no real surprise there after the engine behind the place left a while back - and another two closures in the shape of Tinkers restaurant, which we have no opinion on as we never got a chance to go there, and Pasta San Giorgio, which we personally were never great fans of but we know was a Croydon institution blah de blah, and which we assume is to do with the seemingly never-ending debacle of St George’s Walk. The lesson to be learned here, in these times of economic faffing about etc is; if you like somewhere, keep going to it or it may not be there next time you visit. And also, if they’ve got an advert in this mag, make a bit of an effort, their ads help keep this thing

going, you know. It’s not all doom and gloom though as, in rumour central, we hear on the grapevine that a certain long-dormant establishment in the middle of town is set to become a proper decent-sized live music venue. Details are exceedingly hazy at present so we’ll keep our ears to the ground and let you know as soon as we do. Fingers crossed though... In ‘friends of deep’ news this month, we’re gutted that our mate Mr Tennant is leaving Doctor Who, but you can catch him on BBC2 at the end of November in ‘Einstein and Eddington’ with Andy ‘Gollum’ Serkis, and there’s always Hamlet at the Novello Theatre from Dec 3 to Jan 10th, assuming you’ve got a giant pile of cash to spare to nab a ticket. Yeah, it’s bloody brilliant but £200+ a pop really?! (Anyone who wishes to buy me a ridiculously overpriced Xmas present, however...). And while we’re here we’d like to nominate Sean ‘did I mention my Dad was Dr Who?’ Pertwee as the 11th Doctor. Meanwhile, back in the real world it’s time for our regular Bill Bailey News section, and this month sees quite a lot of it: First up, Bill will be appearing at the Gielgud Theatre from November 10 to December 20th with his show Tinselworm. Tickets are priced from £19 to £49 and are available from visiting https://tickets.delfontmackintosh.com/ShowDatesCombo.as px or calling 0844 482 5138. Before that, a couple of warm up shows have been announced at the Riverside Studios in Hammersmith on Saturday 8 and Sunday 9 November. The number to call for those is 020 8237 1111. On top of that, the Tinselworm DVD filmed when Bill performed his sell out arena tour of 2007, is due to go on sale on November 10, and lastly, Bill’s on the telly on November 15th on ITV1 as part of ‘We Are Most Amused’ a birthday comedy gala for the Prince’s Trust. Tickets to see We Are Most Amused live are on sale now and cost 58

between £25 and £100. Call 0870 0606646. Other friends of the mag out and about this month include David and Humphrey from the The Penny Dreadfuls (last month’s cover interviewees) who appear at ‘Sketchatron in their ‘Dmitri & Vassily’ incarnation (Russia's greatest living double act, except that one of them is from Georgia, currently ripping it up on the London comedy scene) along with host of other acts. That’s on the 7th November at the Pleasance, Islington and tickets are £8 (£7 concessions). Not yet friend of deep - we tried but it all fell through, annoyingly (maybe next month...) - Eddie Izzard makes a rare foray into stand-up this month with 23 performances of 'Stripped' at The Lyric Theatre on Shaftesbury Avenue from Nov 17th Dec 12th. Before that he’s doing a brief run around the provinces as well. I’m not sure if we’ve mentioned this one before, to be honest - I don’t think we have. Anyway, attempt to get a ticket from here: www.ticketweb.co.uk. And good luck with that. On which note, that’s about it for another month, please return to whatever you were doing to waste time at work....

Mystic Mike returns, whether we like it or not... Scorpio Oct 23-Nov 21 (Editor) Unfortunately Mystic Mike called in sick with a nose-bleed the day he was supposed to write your star sign so instead of disappointing you all, I opted to cover it myself. See what you think…”Um, right, so a star sign, ok. I think you will like, do stuff and it will be like, alright. So just, y’know, look out for things to do. Spend time with friends and or, I dunno, family or something. Do some sport and music type sort of things or not, whatever really.” That’s about it, how was that? Sagittarius Nov 22 - Dec 21 You may remember some time ago that I had a nosebleed. It was about one star sign ago if you’re reading this and the stupid editor has put them in the right order for a change. Well this is just to let you know that I didn’t really have a nosebleed. I just wanted to have a day off to eat pickled onions. Capricorn Dec 22-Jan 20 Not very long ago, about two star signs if you’re reading this and the stupid editor has put them in the right order for a change, I claimed I had a nosebleed. About one star ago, I then came clean to say I didn’t. I can now conclusively confirm that both were correct, in part. I did have a nosebleed, but it was due to putting pickled onions up it, en masse. Virgo Aug 23-Sep 22 Quite a few people, I would guess somewhere in the region of 3 score and 97, have remarked to me about my seemingly unrivalled capacity for astrophenomenoligical prescience. What they also ask is whether, given my impeccable record for assessing the future, I have any regrets. This is of course a reasonably intelligent question so I’m not normally asked it until I leave the Croydon borough and head south. You would think that someone with a gift like mine would not have regrets but I will confess to having one and it is thus. By not acknowledging my gifts sooner, I have deprived so many of such happiness. Cancer Jun 22-Jul 22 How do people with severe amnesia remember appointments about their amnesia? Is there a group of amnesiacs all milling around outside hospitals, asking each other if they have any idea why they came there only to be stared at, blankly?

Aquarius Jan 21-Feb 19 I shouldn’t think much will happen this month for you, your family, your friends or anyone who has even the mildest of impact in your life. If by any chance something does happen, please could you make a note of it (bullet points if you wish) and just pop it in the post to me? As an astrologer it’s always good to get feedback on my sooth-saying and particularly important when I do, as occasionally happens, miss something. Usually, I have to admit it’s only the minor inconsequential stuff like a death or a job change or a relationship breakdown that I neglect to draw attention to, but to some people that stuff matters apparently. Leo Jul 23-Aug 22 Hank: I saw Andy Murray the other day. Frank: Oh yeah, did you say anything? Hank: No, I didn’t say anything; I just asked him if I could have his autograph. Frank: Not the word “anything” literally, never mind, what did he say? Hank: He said no. Frank: Did he say why not? Hank: Said he couldn’t be bothered. Frank: Probably going to play tennis. Hank: Probably. Gemini May 21-Jun 21 Your intense and not completely irrational fear of skin disease and fat people eating soufflé, is heightened when you encounter someone with both issues this month. In fact, just next Wednesday someone of quite gargantuan proportions will sit next to you on the bus. Don’t ask me what you will be doing there because I never usually stoop to associate myself with the “bus classes”. You must initiate a “Speed” type scenario immediately, telling everybody not to panic and quickly establishing a team to remove the fat person from the bus with minimal fuss. Appoint someone to quickly fill their pockets with ointment and a trusted partnership to bag them up and wrestle them to the floor. I would suggest another team of two then roll them down the aisle. Feel free to encourage the rest to shout at & prod them as they go, it will encourage team-building and participation. Now you’ve reached the endgame, assume a position at the front of the bus, with boot poised. Remember this person is morbidly obese, so start your leg strengthening exercises now and wear sturdy shoes. Do not worry about the soufflé. Group hug and resume your seat. 60

Libra Sep 23-Oct 22 I was watching an interview the other day with a ginger ex-teacher of Andy Murray, tennis man. This woman, for she was female, narrates this story about how one fine Scotlandish day she’d asked the boy Murray if he’d done his homework, to which he apparently replied: “Hoots mon, no.” Or words to that effect. So she asks him why not and, she’s gone on record with this, said that he replied: “Och aye the noo, I cannae be bothered.” To seal the deal, she then says that despite being non-committal to school-work, he was incredibly enthusiastic when it came to... playing tennis. Wow. If ever there was a story that simply had to be told, surely that was the one. Stunning don’t you agree? Professional tennis player apparently couldn’t be arsed to do homework in early days, preferred to play, wait for it, tennis. And to make it worse folks, this woman actually laughed when she said this, chuckling in a kind of “oooh this story is a real rib tickler you wouldn’t believe it kind of way.” Aries Mar 21-Apr 20 I made a conscious decision last yesterday that I am now ready to fulfill my potential as a grumpy old man. The final straws were a load of noisy motor-bikes descending on Brighton, which were just like, noisy, and some old bloke kicking an empty water-cooler sized water bottle (or should that be bootle?) into a busy road FOR NO APPARENT REASON. I therein announced to all and sundry (I was alone bar the old bloke) that from that point on I was calling in my grumpy old man status earlier than planned (I’m 11 and threequarters). Henceforth if you see me in the street leave well alone for I am grumpy. Pisces Feb 20-Mar 20 I was washing my car when that Craig David came up and asked me if I had £1 for the meter. I said no and asked him what he’d been up to recently. Big mistake; gave me the full SP and I had to say to him: “Look Craig, props bro, but I’m washing my car, let’s chat another time.” Then my phone rang and it was rentaghost. Taurus Spot the star sign.

Apr 21-May 20