DECEMBER 2015 Brought to you by the mind of Alyssa Wigant
THE FIFTH ISSUE Everything in this digest is original work by Alyssa Wigant. Cover image taken by my dear friend Jonas Sung. Alyssa is a college student who has a lot on her mind. She stays up late sometimes to write, hand-letter, take pictures of herself, and much more; all as a means to get feelings off of her chest. She is an artist who is facing many doubts and fears (as many do), and she is tired of being stuck. She wants a change of pace and heart, and whether you read this or not, she’s headed in that direction. Disclaimer: She uses curse words for emphasis.
December 2015 (c) Alyssa Wigant alyssarevolution.tumblr.com alyssawigant.com
A BRIEF INTRODUCTION Welcome to What I Got So Far, also known as WIG. This acronym was intentional considering my last name is Wigant, and this digest acts as a platform to share my notes on what I got so far. This is yet another one of my ongoing projects made to inspire you, but mostly to make sense of my thoughts and experiences. You can expect writing, art, photography, videos, late night thoughts, and whatever else I create within the specified month; all made for the sake of cracking the code of life and its struggles. This is about me, but take away from it what you want. My name is Alyssa Wigant and I’m tired of this rut.
2015 was a wild ride. After the major and minor accomplishments, setbacks, hardships, pep talks, and all the new things I tried, I can say I’ve never felt this content and humbled. At the end of the day, I can confidently say I gave this year my all. And I’m going to keep the momentum going.
JOURNAL
YOGA MEDITATION COMMITMENT SOLITUDE FRIENDSHIPS HONESTY TRUST ADVENTURE FUN CREATIVITY
NEW YEAR, NEW RESOLUTIONS
T
oday I decided that I am far from achieving a lot of my goals, for the main reason being that I don’t dedicate enough time to achieving them. I am also battling depression because of this. Well, not necessarily because of this, but my depression paralyzes me when I realize that I’m so far from where I want to be. Therefore, I am going to make a list of goals and resolutions for myself to keep in mind and constantly revisit whenever I have free time. These are goals in going to achieve, if we’re talking short-term, by the end of winter break, and long-term, by the end of 2016.
COMMIT. With the new year just around the corner, I am writing this as a message to myself: if I want to keep up with my resolutions, I need to commit to them. That means that I need to do whatever it takes to stay on track and remember what I need to do.
The only way anyone can keep up with their goals is to commit to them. I’m so motivated about the new year; in fact, I’ll start working on my resolutions now.
THE BENEFITS OF VULNERABILITY Vulnerability is surprisingly rewarding. When you open up, you are most likely to receive some comforting advice. After talking to close friends about shameful, uncomfortable topics, I’ve realized that there is nothing more comforting than hearing:
“Well if you ever need to talk to me about anything, I’m here for you.” Those words make a lot of my vulnerability seem validated and accepted; and sometimes, that’s all I need to feel in times of distress. I want someone to be able to listen to me without judging, and to feel like they truly care about my wellbeing. These days it’s easy to feel like a burden when your confidant doesn’t seem engaged when faced with personal information about yourself. Therefore, that little bit of reassurance makes all the difference. I’m keeping this information in mind next time someone needs someone to confide in. I’m always willing to listen to people’s problems. I might not necessarily know the right thing to do, but I can do my best to provide the safe space for those kind of conversations.
CONSISTENCIESOR LACK THEREOF I try convincing myself of my “shoulds” and “needs”: I should feel grateful, I need to be happy, etc. when deep down I know I cannot possibly convince myself of feeling feelings when they are not there. It shows in my always beginning and ending relationships, my fluctuating levels of satisfaction, and my insecurities. The bottom line is, nothing is guaranteed to be consistent, even if I work really hard to find consistency.
IF YOU WANT A STRONG BODY, STRENGTHEN YOUR MIND FIRST.
YOU ARE MORE CAPABLE THAN YOU THINK.
YOU ARE ENOUGH. YOUR BEST IS ENOUGH.
YOU BROUGHT YOUR BEST TODAY, THEREFORE YOU HAVE MADE PROGRESS.
PROGRESS COMES FROM PRACTICE.
RE: TRUST When faced with breakups, on either side, it’s going to be a learning experience, and it will provide both people with a period of growth. For the dumpee, it’s easy to feel betrayed, hurt, and distrusting of the dumper. We stop trusting everything about that person, and start questioning the legitimacy of the relationship. Thoughts like, “was our love real if he just decided to get up and go? What else has he lied about? What else did I believe to be true but was in fact a lie?” I feel that way after almost every relationship I’ve been in. But you learn to appreciate certain aspects of people, and soon you’ll find yourself attracted to more people for different reasons. And that’s the magic of human connection! You grow with every person you meet. you will get wiser with your trust, and the best people get to earn it.
I FEEL IN CONTROL. I’M FEELING BETTER. GOOD. I FEEL INSPIRED FOR THE FUTURE; MY CAREER FUTURE. READY TO KEEP DOING IT.
Others’ successes don’t take away from my own. And I shouldn’t convince myself of otherwise. My life is valid, what I experience is exclusively my own experience, and I deserve to feel like I am fulfilled. Everyone deserves to feel that way.
WHY THE WAVES CALM ME DOWN
I am constantly trying to remind myself There is a lot I cannot control. The waves will still roll on, the sun will still rise and fall. The only thing we are guaranteed is the ability to make our own choices. We are even given the ability to feel how we want to feel. So even though we can’t control the constellations or rock formations, Or the way the clouds gently coast, Our free will is just as beautiful, awesome, and valid. And that’s what we should cherish the most.
THANK YOU FOR READING! A new issue of WIG will publish on the first of every month.
December 2015| Issue