FEBRUARY 2016 Brought to you by the mind of Alyssa Wigant
LETTER FROM THE EDITOR February 2016 was an interesting month. Knowing I would be spending Valentine’s Day newly single, I made it a point to celebrate other aspects of love during this month, including friend love, family love, and self-love. It wasn’t easy, though, and this is all I’m going to explicitly say about the demise of my relationship: Breakups–and losses in general–are rough. For me, the whole “out of sight, out of mind” thing was especially rough considering I had class with the ex, and we had too many mutual friends due to interests we discovered together. I’m the type of person who needs their space after these things, so when space isn’t possible, I find myself expressing supressed feelings through other means. So here we are. Thankfully, all of those accumulated feelings prompted me to take a break from school and travel to Joshua Tree National Park and Salvation Mountain in Niland, California for the three-day weekend. Just like how flowers can grow out of cracks in concrete, I, too, can persevere. And while it’s a journey, I know I’m on the right track.
FEBRUARY 2016 | ISSUE 5 (C) ALYSSA WIGANT ALYSSAREVOLUTION.TUMBLR.COM ALYSSAWIGANT.COM
A BRIEF INTRODUCTION Welcome to What I Got So Far, also known as WIG. This acronym was intentional considering my last name is Wigant, and this digest acts as a platform to share my notes on what I got so far. This is yet another one of my ongoing projects made to inspire you, but mostly to make sense of my thoughts and experiences. You can expect writing, art, photography, videos, late night thoughts, and whatever else I create within the specified month; all made for the sake of cracking the code of life and its struggles. This is about me, but take away from it what you want. My name is Alyssa Wigant and I’m tired of this rut.
JOURNAL
YOGA SOLITUDE FRIENDSHIPS TIME HEALING ADVENTURE LAUGHTER CREATIVITY FOCUS COMMUNICATION DISCLOSURE
I AM RECLAIMING MYSELF. I’m picking up the remnants of who I used to be– the woman I knew who, deep down I was, but let the external world take for granted. And so I took myself for granted. I had forgotten my power; I had made less of it, because the world made me believe it wasn’t enough, or it wasn’t going to take me where I want to be. I became a vessel for what others needed me to be, shape shifting into everyone’s perfect remedy. My empathy turned into co-dependency, yearning for someone to help, fix, aide, to feel like I was fulfilling some invented purpose for me. But I was not my own inventor– Which is silly in retrospect, because only I know the potential of my powers, my life’s work, my intrinsic energy. I know myself better than anyone else. And I know what I’m capable of, which is just about anything I put my mind to. I am well aware of my powers; either follow me, or get out of my way. I am a force not to be reckoned with.
SELF-CARE, INTROSPECTION, AND A WHOLE LOT OF INSIGHT: I’m learning that it’s imperative to set time aside for your wellbeing and peace of mind. Self-care is not to be overlooked. Sometimes–a lot of the times–self-care means you must do things on your own in order to give yourself time to reflect, and to convince yourself that you are capable and independent. I like going to the beach solo. It’s not a strange thing for me to do because it allows me to be introspective while still surrounded by people. Same with coffee shops. There’s something comfortable yet pensive about being alone in an area full of people. There’s safety in that, but also risk. And that’s where I like to be–at the crossroads of safety and risk, where risk is always on my mind, but safety is where I reside. In addition to independence and confidence, Self-care brews mindfulness
and awareness. It creates a sense of clarity about ourselves. We learn new things every time we focus on how we feel, how we’re doing, how we wish to be. And it’s good to learn about ourselves, because then we grow. And when we grow, we are fully living. At the end of the day, we really only have ourselves. And at the end of our lives, we really only have ourselves. This is why we must check in with ourselves, treat ourselves, preserve ourselves, and asses ourselves. Self-care is not to be overlooked, in fact, consider it a mandatory activity for longevity. Satisfaction lies within–the rest of the world exists to challenge and create the rest.
Early this month, I spent the afternoon at a local yoga studio for a free breath work workshop that featured a coach and live DJ. I didn’t know what to expect from this workshop because the description was so vague, but it was free, I felt like meditating, and I wanted to try something new.
It began with a 20-minute light yoga session to activate our bodies before going into an hour-and-a-half savasana with meditation and the deep-breathing exercise. During the savasana, the main takeaway I got (considering I zoned out for most of it) was that we have endless potential, and we must honor that about ourselves. We must not forget how full of potential we are. The breath work practice was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before in my life. Rooted in Kundalini theory, it was meant to use the breath as a tool transfer the energy through the body. We were told that this breath work (inhale from belly, chest, then exhale through mouth multiple times) would make us feel a variety of physical and emotional sensations, but we would end up feeling cleansed and detoxified when we walked out of the room.
I was a little intimidated, but the teacher’s guidance made me feel like I was in a safe space. So we began the breath work. The room of 40-ish people started breathing sporadically as the live DJ mixed some music with intense beats. For twenty minutes, I quickly repeated the double-inhale-and-exhale pattern, and around the fifth minute, I could feel my body creating heat and the palms of my hand feel tingly. Then my feet started to tingle, and then my face. Soon, it was as if my whole body was vibrating with energy (and I checked my Fitbit stats later in the day and it turns out my heart rate was at 102bpm). Two instructors walked around the room spraying essential oils on people (not me, because my skin will not probably react well), and rubbing pressure points. They massaged
PEOPLE CRIED, PEOPLE LAUGHED– IT WAS THE MOST INTENSE EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE. two points in my quads and on my temples. As time went on, I even felt like someone was pulling my hips toward my feet to create traction. I later realized this was just another sensation my body had created. The last part of this practice required us to cover our mouths and yell out a cathartic scream. We did this twice for three seconds, and both times I burst out in tears, along with many people in the room. People cried, people laughed… It was the most intense experience. All of my stress and triggers and sources of angst seemed to consume me, and when I screamed, it was as if I was fighting those stressors. I needed it so badly. The practice ended with another savasana and meditation, and a debrief. I felt tingly for the rest of the day–nothing felt real–and I slept
really well that night. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready for another breath work practice any time soon, but I’m really glad I experienced that.
Lately I’ve been feeling like everything is a dream. I can’t tell the difference between being awake and asleep, and nothing seems to matter much altogether. My body is decaying. My skin is malfunctioning. My morale is depleting. I don’t feel motivated to fix things anymore. My goals seem so abstract. There isn’t enough time. I am losing control and am watching everything pass by. I am constantly needing help, but feel to ashamed to ask.
THIS IS REAL LIFE. I am here, in Joshua tree, having just woken up at 5:30 to see the starry night transform into a beautiful sunrise.
Nature is the essence of beauty. At the heart of beauty is creation. “I love you� never felt so crisp and free and true.
I’M AN ANXIOUS TRAVELER. I GET IT FROM MY MOM. — Whenever we aren’t sure of the directions–which is always–and if we feel the slightest source of worry then we fixate on it and become way too obsessed with fixing what we deem as the worst that could happen. It’s not a good habit to have, and it’s unfortunate that I’ve acquired this. Although growing up with a “prepare for the worst” mentality has made me paranoid, at least I’m more aware of risk, and in a way, it makes me enjoy moments better because of the simple fact that they usually don’t go wrong. And then I can breathe.
GAINING PEACE IS LEARNING TO LIVE WITH UNANSWERED QUESTIONS. – Valerie frankel, Real Simple Magazine
“Why are you pulling on my hand?” “You’re pulling for a reason, let’s figure that out. There’s always a reason; a source.” – Awareness is key. There are reasons behind the signals we give and receive. Once we find the root of the problem, we are more aware of how we can find the solution.
THANK YOU FOR READING! A new issue of WIG will publish on the first of every month. Hopefully.
February 2016| Issue 5