FINN PURDY A Fishy Situation

Lights . . . and we see a moderator, dressed formally, on the stage of a political debate. The moderator sits behind a table, with two chairs on his right and three to his left.

MODERATOR: Hello and welcome to the 2022 political debate where you, the public, get to hear the policies proposed by those who wish to lead our country. I’m your moderator for this evening, a John Cleese type. But without further ado let’s introduce the candidates: the first candidate, standing with the Conservative Party, Douglas Farthing.

Spotlight on Douglas Farthing, an over-kempt man in a blue tie, entering from stage right as a producer walks out holding a sign saying, “APPLAUD”. Douglas sits down in the farthest stage-right seat.

MODERATOR: Standing with the Labour Party, Bruce.

Bruce, a man in working class dress with a red tie, also enters from stage right. The producer brings out the “APPLAUD” sign. Bruce sits down stage left of Douglas. The two clearly dislike each other.

MODERATOR: (In air quotes) “Standing” with the Liberal Democrats, Tim Stephens.

Tim enters from stage right, walking on his knees, wearing an orange tie. Notably, we don’t see the producer. Tim kneels to the right of Bruce.

MODERATOR: Standing with the Scottish National Party, Nicole Halibut.

Nicole enters from stage right. She bears a striking resemblance to Nicola Sturgeon. The producer brings out the “APPLAUD” sign. Nicola sits down to the right of the moderator.