BETWEEN FOUR JUNCTIONS

MODERATOR: And if Cicero were here today, I imagine he would have shot himself too. But I think we ought to hear from Mr . . . what is your surname, Bruce?

BRUCE: Bruce.

MODERATOR: Alright . . . Mr Bruce.

BRUCE: If the Labour Party were to be elected, we would first raise taxes by … (Bruce checks his papers) a million billion percent. Secondly, we would immediately begin nationalising British industry, starting with: (He takes out a list) The Birds Eye Group, The Saucy Fish Company, Five Star Fish Limited and The Fish Finger Corporation.

FISH FINGER: You ignorant minnow! Those companies shouldn’t be nationalised, they should be liquidated! Fish-kind has suffered for too long!

Producer brings out the “APPLAUD” sign

BRUCE: But we need the money! Otherwise we can’t waste it all!

Producer brings out the “BOOO!” sign

MODERATOR: And what would you waste this fishy money on, Mr Bruce?

BRUCE: The education system. And a blue Slush Puppy.

MODERATOR: Well I would’ve imagined it’d be a red Slush Puppy. I think we should move on to . . . (The moderator looks at Tim for a moment but then points to Nicole) Mrs Halibut.

TIM: (Timidly) Um, Mr moderator, you forgot m—