BETWEEN FOUR JUNCTIONS

MODERATOR: And standing with the Independent Party as a political outsider . . . a fish finger.

The producer brings out an actual fish finger and places it on the table stage right of Nicole. The producer hands the moderator a note.

MODERATOR: We were also expecting the Green candidate Mr Blue, but sadly he locked his bike too securely and can’t get it out because of his, and I quote, “weak weak vegan hands”. But the debate must continue, and so let’s move to the question on the public’s mind: policy. Mr Farthing if you could begin.

DOUGLAS: Well, yes, um, thank you. Now if I were to be elected into her royal majesty’s oh so lovely scrum-diddly-umptious British government I would immediately rejoin the European Union, so we can leave it again! We have a fantastic plan. It’s ready to go. Just pop it in the microwave, heat it up and it’s ready to go; just like a fish finger.

FISH FINGER: Oi!

DOUGLAS: I beg your pardon?

Everyone looks around to identify the voice before looking at the fish finger.

FISH FINGER: Stop running your mouth, you trout! All you la de da humans talking about fish fingers. Well I am a fish finger, and I don’t agree with your ready meal rhetoric.

The producer brings out the “APPLAUD” sign.

DOUGLAS: Well I’m sorry you feel that way but our deal, as Cicero might have put it, is goodus maximus!

The producer brings out a different sign that says “BOOOOO!”