BETWEEN FOUR JUNCTIONS

FISH FINGER: If I am elected, the first thing I will do is appoint Captain Birdseye as Chancellor of the Exchequer in order to tackle our national budget deficit. I will also make conciliatory gestures towards the EU and make moves to regain our membership so we can better defend fish living in the British Channel. Under my government the army will be defunded with the excess budget going towards the NHS so they can further research maritime healthcare. This are just a small number of the changes I would implement. But to conclude I would like to say to the public: in this country we do not need hatred, we do not need stupidity, nor do we need timidity, we need a cod coated in tasty batter!

Producer brings out “APPLAUD” sign

MODERATOR: Inspiring words from an inspiring snack, but Mr Fish Finger, how do you address the claim that as a fish finger you would be unable to fulfil your duties as Prime Minister?

FISH FINGER: I swear to you all, the British public, that I will dedicate my batter and my filling to my position. I will not make light of the responsibility of office. And cod may strike me down if anything I have said is untrue!

At that very moment the Green candidate rushes onto stage, stopping at the table next to Mr Fish Finger, breathing heavily

MR BLUE: I’m sorry I’m late. (Pointing at the fish finger) Is this vegan?

Mr Blue takes a burger bun out of his pocket, places Mr Fish Finger inside and then takes a huge bite. The producer runs out with a sign saying “GASP”.

MR BLUE: Wait, was that not vegan?

Curtain.