M or e a De Se pe ni n or da Ta ble bl th et a n
The Wrangler September 2011 Edition Roman Numeral Ten
News in Briefs
Experts speculate Daily Announcements and JUG assignments may soon be in Spanish Mr. B busts sophomore grape smuggling operation
Real. Comfortable. News.
Conspiracy Corner: Frosh Mixer Dance Shows Hints of Communism By Sean Cahill ‟12 To the untrained eye, this year‟s Frosh Mixer may have seemed like your ordinary co-ed freshman get-together, but take a closer look, and you will soon figure out that it was riddled with secret subliminal messages about terrifying communist agendas made to brainwash the innocent youths of Brophy and Xavier!
el operation to separate everyone there by two colors: red and blue. Clearly this was done to subtly implant the idea of the split between communism and democracy. It has also been reported that each color was at one point separated by a wall of ice-like blocks. That, of course, is an obvious allusion to the infamous Berlin Wall.
Students given JUG after not clapping correctly in Mass
Freshman mistaken for Loyola Academy student
Students to use yesterThis year‟s Frosh Mixer theme Once the dance really got going, day‟s Club Fair as a key was “Break the Ice,” which would however, the hired DJ was incomponent when building normally go completely under the structed to play supremely rightrésumés
Mr. Middlemist ‟67 looking forward to another full year of “deductions”
average conspiracy theorist‟s radar until he or she figured out that it was a sly reference to the Cold War. Get it? Ice? Cold? Moving on then. The next slightly more obvious clue was that the whole dance was a covert and cru-
A sample of an artist’s rendition for Brophy’s new emblem.
eous dance music until all of the freshmen were turned into an angry, sweaty mob. With that effect being achieved in almost no time at all, the DJ struck the last nail in the coffin; he played a series of
deep bass beats, which in Morse Code, translated to short phrases such as “The Proletariats shall rise,” and “Bow to King Stalin.”
Students Fail to Find Good Mexican Food in Puebla By Henry Miller ‟12 Puebla, Mexico: This past summer a group of Brophy students travelled to Mexico on the annual Puebla Immersion Trip with a few goals in mind: adding something to their résumés, learning dirty words in Spanish, and eating some really good Mexican food. The students returned having accomplished two of those three goals. “I learned how to say *expletive deleted* in Spanish which is pretty cool,” said Jon Williamson ’13. He would
go on to further say that he hoped to utilize this skill by cursing in front of his parents without them knowing.
Having successfully learned to swear in another language and add a service trip to their résumés, the students reported that the food they consumed was not anything like what they had It turns out, the students indicated, expected. Throughout the trip the stu- that the Mexican food restaurants in dents searched in vain for an authentic the United States just seem to be a Chipotle or Taco Bell. little bit better than those so called “authentic” places that they were eat“We all really wanted to get some ing at south of the border.
Argentina: A Spiritual Awakening By Kyle Padden ‟12 Upon returning home from the Argentina immersion trip, all the students were unanimous in their belief that they were deeply moved and changed by their experience. Pointing out the amazing old style architecture, the unique culture stemming from this immigrant nation, and the welcoming spirit of the people, the trip was described as simply indescribable.
got a lot of new songs for my iPod from the clubs, I mean a lot of good club bangers even though I don‟t really understand any of the words, they‟re still pretty chill.” Also, when pressed further to reflect on his experience he said, “You get to the clubs and all the girls are like solid 7s, they‟re a couple 6s, but just a really solid collection of talent.” When asked about the museums, historical monuments, A student had this and national parks to say on the trip as amongst other sites a whole, “The Boli- they visited he said, ches, or dance clubs, “Yeah, I guess those were pretty frickwere pretty cool too, in‟ [sic] sweet.” but the boliches… This sentiment was Wow!” further reiterated by another student The Argentina insaying, “Oh yeah, I tercambio, or ex-
Crunch Wrap Supreme™ in Mexico since that‟s where Taco Bell originally came from, but we couldn‟t find any,” Samuel Lewis ’12 stated. He added, “By the end of the trip I was willing to settle for A Beefy 5 Layer Burrito or even just a plate of nachos.”
Mission Beach Immersion Trip Daily Schedule
change, seeks to create a brotherhood between the two groups of students as each student lives with a family for the duration of the trip. When asked to voice his views on this brotherhood, the student said, “My exchange brother was great, his translation skills were easily superior to Google translate, and it wasn‟t even close.”
Inaugural Mission Beach Immersion Trip a Success By Jack Welty ‟12 One of Brophy‟s claims to fame, besides the students‟ ability to game in class, is its variety of inspirational and eye-opening immersion trips. These extracurricular, educational opportunities usually take place during the summer and are run by the Office of Faith and Justice. While many know about trips to Argentina, Puebla, and El Salvador, students were raving about the newest edition to Brophy‟s summer line-up.
Mission Beach, California was the new, hot immersion trip this All in all, this group past July. Students signed up in of students, much droves and the OFJ called it the most popular trip they‟ve ever like the groups before them, returned had. from Argentina “Kids were just flocking to this greatly changed trip, we had to keep ordering and enlightened to more buses,” reports Mr. Tomthe nuances of anmy Smith, the interim head of other culture. the OFJ.
“I‟ve never had a group of students return their permission to travel slips that fast,” admires Mrs. Hornbeck.
The Wrangler managed to get a copy of the trip itinerary to shed some more light on the popularity of this trip (see above). It was all about immersion into the distinct Mission culture, and about showing solidarity with the Southern Californian people. “The language barrier was a little tough,” remarks Grover Dhelpi ’12. “I mean, I play lax and I‟ve never heard „chill‟ and „brah‟ used that many times in a sentence.” Besides learning the language, the students immersed themselves in the various activities of the non-permanent residents of Mission Beach. Lessons in longboarding, surfing, and tanning were all offered. Students became big fans of the ancient beach sport of “horse shoes.” Originally played by tossing the shoes onto upsidedown horses, the version with a stake came about in the modern,
post-PETA era. Students also had to adapt to a radically different style of dress than the Brophy norm. The packing list included only tanks, board shorts, and fake, plastic Ray-Bans. The sunglasses are worn almost 24/7 on Mission Beach, providing the ability to completely lose track of the time of day. Housing was an area of concern as well. The students were forced to live in well-furnished beach houses, many overlooking the ocean. Many had just one Xbox, and oftentimes cell service was only at three bars. Time outdoors limited the participant‟s access to their computers and the internet. Despite all this, most students were able to survive only checking their Facebook five times a day. “It was really nice to get back to a simpler time,” remarked one student, known only as „Snail.‟ “In Mission, life only moves as fast as Slo-Mo, there‟s just lots of time to chill, you know man?” It is unknown if this student ever successfully returned to Brophy, or is simply still living in Mission. Printed on recycled Roundups
The Flip Side
Freshman Survival Guide By Sean Cahill ‟12
Don‟t sweat it if you forgot to print out the paper that was due today. Once class starts, calmly ask your teacher if you can print it out right after the second bell rings...After all, that‟s what the Info Com mons printers are for, right?
Xavier dances will be completely formal, black tie affairs, so make sure to keep that Tuxedo rental place‟s number handy!
Just managed to get through the lunch line to buy your food, only to hear the bell ring for classes to start again? No worries, fellow Michael‟s food enthusiast! Teachers here at Brophy are extremely lenient about you bringing in your food to class seeing as it totally wasn‟t your fault.
A majority of Brophy fresh men seem to always eat inside, whether it is in the Great Hall or the SAC. But few realize that we have many places that are great for eating outside, such as “The Knoll” right outside Brophy Hall. It‟s a splendid spot reserved just for freshmen to graze and eat lunch without being harassed by any seniors!
Hopefully most if not all Bro- phy freshmen went to the Frosh Mixer. However, the Frosh Mixer is the only informal dance that Brophy hosts. From here on out, all Brophy/
The Information Commons is a great place to study and get a lot of work done. However, snacks are known to be strictly forbidden. Luckily, this year Mrs. Hanson and Mrs.
Oleksak are implementing a new rule: you can get caught eating up to two times without being punished, but if you get a third strike, you‟re out! Nothing beats the heat like going to Brophy East to swim with your Brophy Big Brothers, right? However, usually to get in requires buying a pass from a good hearted senior. Well, now every freshman who got this special edition of The Wrangler can have the opportunity to cool down and relax at Brophy‟s own exclusive rooftop pool resort area! Just cut out the coupon to the right, and redeem it by handing it in to Mr. Tom Danforth ’41 on second floor Eller. Remember, the coupon lets you up to the pool area for one whole lunch period only!
Lack of CD Drive in Frosh Tablets Considered Slight to Gaming Community By Austin Tymins ‟13 For years, freshmen have dominated the gaming scene at Brophy, but that tradition may soon be coming to an end. The new Lenovo tablets lack a CD drive: a basic staple of all gaming. This prohibition has created intense political pressure of the Ryan administration from the powerful freshmen gaming lobby. Mr. Ryan’s campaign for Brophy Principal in the 2000s was funded primarily by campaign contributions from the gaming lobbyists seeking to make Brophy the gaming haven it was always destined to be. “We thought we had him in our back pocket, but he continues to defy us,” said one gaming lobbyist speaking of Principal Mr. Ryan.
Infographic designed by Rohan Andresen ’12
Without CD drives, many freshmen are turning to other, simpler games as evidenced by a surge in Hearts and Solitaire playing. Stalwarts like N-Game remain popular while Tetris may gain popularity in the near future. More complex games like FIFA 11, Backyard Baseball, and Pokémon are becoming more and more difficult to find amongst the freshman class. One student was dismayed to find Roller Coaster Tycoon wouldn‟t work on his new tablet.
Lead Editors: Henry Miller ‟12 Kyle Padden ‟12 Lackeys to the Editors: Rohan Andresen ‟12 Sean Cahill ‟12 Peter Scobas ‟12 Steven Soto ‟13 Austin Tymins ‟13 Jack Welty ‟12 Moderators: Mr. John Damaso ‟97 Mr. Steve Smith ‟96
People We Know Who Went to Harvard: Keith Bender ‟11 Dr. Samuel Ewing Mr. Zach Widbin Mark Zuckerberg The Wrangler is seeking student writers and contributors. Interested? Email: Wrangler@brophybroncos.org
“We intend to fight this,” said an anonymous gamer. “Brophy administration may think they‟ve put us in a bind, but we are already two steps ahead. Every freshman has been trained extensively in Virtual Clone Drive.” When asked about alternatives to gaming such as studying the student had no comment. Since many games are still being transferred electronically, next year‟s tablets may also lack USB ports in another step of this stunning regime change.
A.M.D.G. The Wrangler © 2011 Mission Statement: The Wrangler is satirical, k? All butts of jokes are willing. We have proof.