The Wrangler The preferred choice of “real news” subscribers everywhere Edition Number Fifty-Eight
Rules: Do’s and Don’t’s of the Club Fair
Real. Comfortable. News.
Feature: Mr. Danforth becomes a movie star, finally gains fame
PSA: Learn about what we do and why you should join
News in Briefs
What you should do at Brophy’s “Student Activities Expo” By: Johnathan Ray '19 Every year, there comes a time to sign up for clubs again, but many of us, especially new freshmen, might not know or have forgotten how the club fair works. So while you’re standing in the middle of a crowd full of confused, sweaty teenagers, check out these five tips on what to do at the club fair. 1. Sign up for every single club. Most teacher will tell you to sign up for a lot of clubs but not too many. We here at the Wrangler believe that those teachers are just holding you back. You should sign up for every single club Brophy have to offer. Did you think the robots that Robotics has looked cool? Sign up! Does the crowd around the Competitive Gaming Club pique your interest? Sign up! Do you hate gardening and think that the Gardening Club isn’t right for you? Still sign up! Believe us when we say that you’ll have plenty of time to make it to all those meetings. 2. Move with the crowd. We understand that there are a lot of cool clubs to look
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at, but it’s much more important to move through the crowd so as to not hold up the people behind you. You wanna check out what Mock Trial is doing? Well too bad! Everyone else is checking out what Speech and Debate is doing. Be warned: there have been cases where students get stuck in a crowd and end up missing the next day. 3. If you want to sign up for Quidditch, be absolutely sure you’re ready. Quidditch is the most intense clubs that Brophy has to offer. Not only do you have to be capable on a flying broom, you also have to have taken at least an introductory course in Charms and Cantations. Players have been known to get broken legs, bruised heads, and have even been turned into frogs. Why? Because Quidditch is intense, and if you can’t take it, then you should probably join those chumps on the football team. 5. JOIN THE WRANGLER!
• Mr. White still treating students blinded by solar eclipse • Freshman still lost after trying to find Frosh Mixer pool party on top of gym roof • New trend on campus: freshmen mock upperclassmen for lack of Macbooks; upperclassmen confused by reversal of roles • Mr. Fisko signed to recording deal after acapella performances, becomes biggest Catholic artist ever • Archie and Waffles brought back to lick wounds of Seniors already suffering from Senioritis • The Wrangler to recycle same jokes for upcoming year (see photoshop below) • Seniors already experiencing a 25% increase in head swell
Freshman trapped on gym roof after going to wrong pool for Frosh mixer By: Mark John Haak '18
ARR-EYE-GEE-AYCH-TEE: Hard to believe you’d find this much facial hair on a freshman, right? Also, if any other freshman are interested in purchasing a pool pass, they should contact a member of the Wrangler editing team for further details.
Join The Wrangler! The Wrangler’s job is to keep you updated on both real and fake news, cause laughter throughout Brophy’s campus, and bring our community closer through the medium of satire. The Wrangler gives Brophy’s funniest creative minds an opportunity to share their satirical talents with the rest of Brophy while providing a positive, all-inclusive environment for all members. The non-exclusivity of the club is what makes it so successful. Meetings are in B202 on Tuesdays during lunch. Contact Mr. Damaso, Mr. Smith, or any of the editors to get involved today!
The Wrangler © 2017 Editor-in-Chief:
Head of Twitter:
Moderators:
Michael Murphy ‘18 Head of Photoshop: Mark John Haak ‘18
Johnathan Ray ‘19
Mr. John Damaso ‘97 Mr. Steve Smith ‘96
Head of Outreach: Nate Anderson ‘19
Head of Editing and Formatting: Nikolas Kirk ‘19
Mr. Danforth to star in new Indiana Jones film By: Mark John Haak '18
How does Mr. Danforth stay looking so young and vibrant? The Aztec Fountain of Youth, of course! As it turns out, he makes the trek down to Puebla, Mexico every year not to immerse himself in the culture and community, but to replenish
his magic youth potion supply. This Indiana Jones-esque trip all started when Mr. Danforth set out to find eternal life and wisdom in the magical depths of the fountain. After finding the fountain, the people of Puebla helped him find his
way back to Phoenix, which led him to create the Puebla immersion trip. Now, Mr. Danforth travels to the same spot every year to stay fit and healthy for all of his classes.