The WrangleR Every day is Tuesday Edition Roman Numeral Seventy-Six
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Wrangler staff featured in Investigation: Zoom dope new cartoon subterfuge and tomfoolery How to Save Prom
By: Will Hays ’21 Recently, Brophy administration announced their plans to continue with Prom in the summer, which was immediately met with disappointment and sadness from seniors. Many fear few will actually show up after graduating; fortunately, we here at The Wrangler are known for our logistical prowess and originality, which is why we have come up with a few ideas of how to save Prom. 1) Invite as Manyssssssss Underclassmen as Possible! If there’s one thing seniors will miss as part of their Brophy experience, it’s the underclassmen. Fret not, simply inviting the entire freshman class to Prom will solve this problem completely! With the possibility of showing off their best dance moves with the most memorable part of their high school journey, how could seniors possibly resist? This is a win-win for seniors and especially freshmen, the
real victims of the educational impact of COVID-19.
reduce any possible spread of the contagion. To avoid this, just make Prom exclusively 2) Invest in More Fogssss open to Brophy students. Machines! Allowing the boys to reconnect one last time in the absence of Without a doubt, fog machines females is what they truly want; automatically make every this policy is a no-brainer. dance cooler (both literally and figuratively), so go all-in! 5) Institute Overreaching Buying at least quadruple Coronavirus Policies! the amount of fog machines Brophy already owns to reduce Again, COVID-19 will still be a visibility as much as possible is threat in this new environment, sure to properly set the mood and we must be as cautious as for Prom and give the Class of possible. Here’s a brief list of 2020 one last hit of nostalgia. ideas to institute at the dance to liven it up as much as 3) Make it Country Themed! possible while maintaining a thorough sanitary regiment: The majority of the student 22.5-feet minimum between body may have missed it, but students, hand sanitizer a similar dance happened last instead of water-refill stations, year. and tissues as confetti. This is certifiably™ hype! What could go wrong?!? 4) Boys Only!
Disclaimer: Any use of these ideas require compensation Let’s be honest: having too to their originator. Checks many people on Brophy’s payable directly to The campus post-coronavirus is a Wrangler or through FACTS liability, and it’s imperative to (do people still use that?).
@BrophyWrangler
Update: We saved prom. You’re welcome
News in Briefs • Student and teacher have awkward yet meaningful conversation after student forgets to leave call at the end of class • Students on Zoom collude to play statue for five minutes while the teacher tries to figure out what is going on • Brophy student who said they were going to “pick up” ukulele has since mastered every instrument • Sophomore who changed zoom background now “king of space” • Senior’s plans to grow out facial hair and take advantage of lax dress code enforcement foiled by own inability to grow a beard • Teacher forced to say, “Ok guys, I’m going to start choosing people.” • Enterprising junior plans to learn Python, gain his driver’s license, and generate passive income with all the extra time; “not happening,” says mother • The Stampede introduces new poll: who’s your favorite powerpuff girl?
The Rodeo: “E-school’s E-ne’erdowellers”
By: Dean Kobs ’20
DO YOU RESEMBLE ANY OF THESE SHADY CHARACTERS? Watch your back because e-justice* is coming. *TBD what e-justice actually means, but we assume it stands for Ebenezer justice. As a group of hip teenagers, here are The Wrangler’s ideas for e-Justice e-Under e-God. 1) Tik-Tok dance until your arms fall off. 2) Listen to Dance Monkey 100 times in a row. Wait, that seems too harsh. 5 times in a row. 3) Get all the trash out of your room, Chad! How do you live lik... signed Mom 4) Manifest e. 5) Propose, compose, and edit a new handbook for online justice at Brophy. 6) Follow The Wrangler on Twitter and like and retweet all of our tweets. 7) Actually sleep. Legit this time. 8) Who knows.
