SELLING WITH Kahle By Dave Kahle
The lost art of saying “NO” more and more business people have lost the ability to say no. See if this experience doesn’t sound familiar. I had met with an individual, talked with him personally, and invited him to a small group meeting. e came, interacted positively, and indicated he would commit to being a part of the ongoing meeting. Then, he went dark. For three weeks, he would not return phone calls nor reply to emails. From my perspective, he dropped off the planet. Now, we all know what happened. For whatever reason, he had a change of mind. Instead of honestly communicating that—telling me NO—he chose to communicate his change of mind by not communicating at all. For some reason, he couldn’t say no. I wish this one instance, and this one person, were a rare case—an exception to the general rule. Unfortunately, he is hardly the exception. I have this experience a least once a month. Someone with whom I have had several conversations literally drops off the planet and goes dark. Evidently, much of the business community has lost the ability to say no. That’s too bad. Being able to say no is a higher level skill that is advantageous in both business as well as life in general. Those who don’t master the art of saying no are forever doomed to an immaturity in their business skills, while those who can and do say no operate at a higher level of skill and social finesse. Let’s look at no from two perspectives: First the person who is spoken to, the receiver of no, and second, let’s look at it from the perspective of the no-sayer. When you are on the receiving end of “no,” initially it doesn’t feel good. It confirms rejection. owever, it is quick, decisive and you know where you stand. While you may wonder about the motives of the no-sayer, you can respect him or her for honestly communicating. The alternative is far more detrimental. The person who could say no chooses instead to avoid the word. That usually means they avoid communication, and just drop out of the loop. Now you’re left with reaching out to them. ou make multiple calls, emails, leave phone messages, reach out through social media. So, the process of finally understand-
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February 2021
ing that the lack of communication really means no can take weeks of effort. The lack of hearing an honest no is a time-consuming, time-wasting process. In my sales seminars, I often remark that the biggest time wasters are not the people who say no, it’s the people who never say no. ou are left with a number of negative impressions. The strategy of going dark and hiding really degrades both of you. First, you have to question the person’s lack of courage and thwarted social skills. Really, this is how you were raised? ou can’t help but view the hider as less of a person. Then, of course, you realize that the lack of no carries with it the message that this person really doesn’t think very highly of you. e she has no respect for you, and thinks nothing of wasting your time, and squandering your emotional energy on this relationship. The net result of hiding instead of saying no is that both of you are diminished. Let’s look at it from the no-sayer’s perspective. iding from communication is really an immature response. It indicates a lack of social skills, and an undeveloped personal identity. As a communication strategy, it causes all the negative repercussions discussed above. On the other hand, the ability to say no is a higher order skill, indicative of a more mature, more developed psyche. When you can, quickly and decisively, say no, it indi-
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